#Idr which everyone uses lmao

[mountainsideturnip]

And gay ppl! They r watching Leverage

[astrophileblogs07]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT.20

⚫ Opposite to the stereotype of Leo being a narcissist, its the Aquarians who are more narcissist than ANY other zodiac. Esp its the Dhanishta naks out of the Aqua naks who are so.

⚫ I have seen 3 Aquarian moons (of Dhanishta nak) who had a poverty stricken first half of life (childhood, teenage years) but then they become well off like rlly very well off in their second half (esp after marriage). They marry rich 🤑 too. What i am saying here is the dramatic transformation of their financial life.

⚫ Pisces men are physically abusive. That's it. Esp the March Pisces. They literally are a bully. (Dont be fooled by the beautiful doe eyes lol)

⚫ "WOW What voluminous and luscious hair he's got!" -my ♌ rising and moon mom commenting on a side character with insignificant role in a movie 🤣. I wasn't noticing that at all...but she seemed to be stuck on that feature 😂.

⚫ Martian influence on a chart can actually have a liking to dangerous weapons and ammunitions. (Like idk I weirdly love them 😂😂)

⚫ Females with Ketu ruled naks are the first group of people whom male perceive as "threat". (Second is mars btw). Like if the other person is a typical male (egoistic, chauvinist) they will literally hate you to the core coz they know you equal them in all ways (except you know what LMAO 🤣). So they'll try to pin you down or belittle you etc. (sad, but since I have experienced I wanted it to share w you guys)

⚫ Also I love the way Ketu Nak women get along becoz mostly they have so much in common. And by that I mean how the society (male dom) treats them. I am not saying they're an "outcast" but the reaction they face just coz the male species get intimidated by us which has an cascading effect on our mental peace is beyond tolerance.

⚫Ketu naks are sexyyyyyy 🖤👁️🫦👁️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

(I always imagine a smokin hot biker girl 👩🏻‍🎤with leather jacket and smoky eyeshadow whenever I hear "Ashwini, Magha and Mula")

⚫ I have seen a Chart which was totally "Mars" chart and I'll tell you, that person has Aries asc, Moon, Mars and (Mercury ig is in Scorpio?idr) along with Scorpio sun. And that person is like personified version of the planet itself. So cunning and so shrewd, potentially be a mastermind. Statergic. Secretive af. (Might be their middle name to exaggerate). Close to their mom. Loves friends (friends over anything). Also they have a "reddish" tint to their skin (no health probs, but yeah that planet does that). Knows how to tackle any embarrassing moment in public and deal with it. (I am jealous of him coz i wanted to be like him in every way 😂)

⚫Lilith and Pluto aspects in natal chart can actually survive 8H synastry. Almost same energy and themes. 💀

⚫Why are Maghas the "scapegoat" of the family? Like they be framed in a situation with which they have no relation with. Its annoying to see. Its like you're locked in your room chilling and as soon as you step out, everyone in the family is blaming you for something or the other. Now you're the "bad guy". (Yo wtf 🤡). Added to the generosity of Leos, people target you often. 😕

⚫Libra men CANNOT stand loneliness and being ostracized at all in any way. I have seen this in every Libra I came across. For eg: if you're the "black sheep" they won't talk to you and will go with what the crowd says. And if people have outcasted them just becoz they're with you/involved with you, they'll drop you like hot potato. People say and stereotype Capricorns for being the one who cares about reputation and all, but her 'Venus-ruled-Saturn-exalted' sister also is same. 💀

(no wonder they're besties lol)

P.S: I read a post here which said "Eye contact with 8H synastry hits different" ( i am not copying, i don't remember the username) and boy is that true 💀💀💀. Like I was -->😯😳🫣. Coz I have experienced that 🤣🤣. It does, than any other eye contact I have seen. Lmao 🤣🤣.{Edit: its @zeldasnotes 🖤😁}

Hope you liked it 😁😊. Until next time! 👋🏻

Love you y'all ❤️❤️❤️

[ladysophiebeckett]

Thank you for saying Aldo is not good looking at all. Seriously, everyone fawning over his looks (El Cuartel and Luigi) had me thinking we, as the audience, were being bamboozled. The actor didn’t look so bad in other soaps, I think it’s just that he looked much older than Fernando and Lety? Also, I hated his voice lmao and if we include all the red flags of his character, no wonder many of us didn’t like him 😂 he completely robbed Lety of her character development, I will die on this hill. Michel displayed problematic behaviors, but at least didn’t play a huge role on the story until the very end. If Betty’s big proposal to save Ecomoda had been all about Michel’s project, I would’ve been so mad (I know this is simply not possible in ysblf because it’s about fashion and he is a chef whereas in lfmb it’s a production company, so they couldn’t go for the same idea as in the original version, so the door was wide open to come up with something that involved Aldo 😪).

Circa 2006, Vale and Camil were 31 and 33. Soler was 40\41. not very old. but weird that they cast him as the secondary love interest. im certain his casting was bc he reached a certain demographic (older women that like him). bc it certainly wasn't for the youth (women and girls 25 and younger were only in love with fernando\camil).

Aldo's styling is Committed Beach Bum to highlight his flowy, easy, not stressful lifestyle. (the beach jewelry too, ugh). If you notice Michel was not styled that way in Cartagena. He wears light colors, whites and blues (to highlight his frenchy white man blue eyes), his shirts are big and not tucked tightly or at all, he doesn't wear suits or ties. He's easy going, relaxed. (the complete opposite of Armando). Aldo looks like someone who's constantly telling himself to relax. There is something so forced about Aldo's entire character, fm the way the he's written, styled and acted.

It's like Soler himself didn't know what he was doing there, so he just acted like he would if he were a villain in a normal telenovela. There's a huge disconnect. Also, Soler isn't very attractive unless he has facial hair. (see Apuesta Por Un Amor, where he's decent looking.) (he's not my type, feel a need to stress that). (in both Ysblf and Lfmb, everyone fawns over Michel\Aldo and im like 'what am i supposed to be fawning over? men that need to moisturize more???)

I responded to an old ask here about Michel and what happens if he doesn't arrive at Ecomoda to trigger the events of BxA's reconciliation.

But Ocampo and Televisa were like 'well what if we don't let Letty heal and dont give her a make over and Aldo stays forever?'

Congratulations, now you have two protagonists that are stunted and a second love interest who looks like a villain out of a lifetime movie.

Letty was absolutely robbed of her character development when they decided Aldo was more important. Including Fernando.

I had to do some quick refreshing on Aldo and I came across the Fernando and Aldo fight outside of Conceptos.(must be noted that Aldo throws the first punch BTW). I completely forgot they had a physical fight. And after watching it I realized it was the Fernando\Tomas fight redone.

Because Fernando says something like 'he's just using you. he came here and followed you down here bc he wanted to use you for his business'. which is similar to things he says not only about nicolas but also daniel (idr what daniel's name is in lfmb). Anyway he digs himself into a hole and Aldo's like 'yes, bc i want to do business with her'. But he also throws in Fernando's face that he can say\yell out that he's in love with Letty and Fernando can't (And he doesn't). Which again, as we know in Ysblf, Cartagena Arc and after it, Armando doesn't care anymore about his appearance and all he wants is to be with Betty and love her openly.

And then moments before Fernando appears, Aldo tells Letty that he loves her and Letty says 'no, no it's not possible I'm ugly'. Which....I mean do I have to go into it? Do I really need to? She didn't get to heal. She still puts herself down. And now you have some guy she doesn't know saying he's the only one that can love her. (This actually IS a red flag).

If Armando had gotten into a physical fight with Michel, it would show that he hadn't changed. If Armando was challenged to say he loved Betty out loud in some public setting and then didn't do it, it would show he hadn't changed. If Betty hadn't healed and learned to love and accept herself, she wouldn't have the confidence to stand up for herself or run Ecomoda.

Letty and Fernando were robbed of those moments, which is shame because they have decent actors. I would go so far as saying that Aldo\Soler was given protagonist level priority because of his name and fame.

Literally Michel's only job was to give Armando competition and give Betty incentive to leave Bogota. He does display some red flags that, imo, are supposed to contrast with who Betty is now and also contrast with Armando. Betty is much more independent by the end, she doesn't need another man in her life telling her what to do. She needs an equal partner to support her emotionally. Michel wants to fix her, guide her, tell her what do do. ('Let me drive, drink this instead, take this job working for me). Armando wants another chance to show her that he wants what she wants.

Aldo never, ever, ever, should have been given a whole plot about needing Conceptos to help his gastronomy fair or whatever it is that he was doing. It could have literally just been 'I'm opening a seafood restaurant in mexico city. I came to say hi and also, maybe date you?'. They could have kept it at that and let Letty fix Conceptos on her own. There were other ways to make Aldo stay longer without taking away from Letty.

Since Concepto's is a production company in Lfmb, to make a connection\reference to Ysblf, Letty's idea could have been about promoting a suffering mexican fashion company's clothes and suggest to said company that the only way to promote their line is to open their market to every woman and then Letty's puts the cuartel in this said commercial and watch the sales go up. This is not a clear idea but it's better than gastronomy fair because it would give Letty agency.

In conclusion, Aldo should have drowned in the ocean devoured by the Acapulco waves, never to be seen again. And Angelica Vale deserved to showcase her dramatic acting talents instead of....all of that.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Astarion's Big Day

I've been doing a multiplayer campaign with @justabiteofspite and I just. need to detail what happened across two in-game days of Astarion being the party face and fucking it all up.

So, to start it out, he NAILED his shit on the Nautiloid. He picked up Us, Spite's Tav, Catha, was able to get the flame sword (nice), and everyone escaped alive and with all the explosives I asked that we grab on the way.

Everything goes great until they hit the grove. When I say that we did NOTHING in the grove before I got us locked out. We entered, Astarion got a free ring from Mattis to remember his sin, then went to pay Kagha a visit. this is where everything immediately went sideways.

We're level 2 right? We're weak. Pathetic. We should not be doing anything but saying "Yes ma'am, no ma'am," but this is Astarion. He suddenly has freedom and he doesn't remember what consequences can be like not under Caz and unfortunately here, they're still pretty deadly.

So, Arabella didn't make it because Astarion tried to stay out of the Druid business, and that made him so mad. He tried to take the body to her parents and it caused the druids to turn. So, we killed Kagha, ran out and found the Druids just massacring the tieflings.

again, we are level 2.

Astarion tries to loot what he can and accidentally triggers the bears to see him, Lae'zel, and Catha. He sneaks the fuck off, the bears kill Catha AND Lae'zel, we do NOT have Withers yet and the game won't let me long rest without Catha being alive. So he has to sneak back into the grove, gets Catha, but leaves Lae'zel's dead body there, which meant the grove didn't close.

So they go back to revive Lae'zel, LEAVE HER THERE, make a beeline for the Goblin camp, and Astarion leads Minthara to the Druids. He steals the idol of Sylvanus, everyone gets to quickly rest so Minthara can come finish these assholes off, she does, and she wants to fuck Astarion real bad.

Catha did get a vision from selune that if Astarion didn't steal the idol of Silvanus before going to sleep, Minthara and ALL of the goblins would attack him and Lae'zel, then Catha and Shadowheart would enter initiative at a significant delay that caused this omniscient, omnipresent authority figure laugh forever before having to F8 because again...we were level 2 lol

Meanwhile, Catha and Shadowheart are making eyes at one another and Astarion is there egging on all of the Cleric of Seluna x Cleric of Shar drama. Like these two are what he watches when he's ready to wind down at night. They are his Days of Our Lives, and he sometimes will whisper shit in Catha's ear when he wants to see them go through a different storyline. She's real dumb, he will grow to love her, but he will fuck with her and give her ideas of shit to say.

Anyways we go to the goblin party and Astarion just gets BACK TO BACK sick burns. He had to gaslight Gale into staying, and the convo they had HOLY FUCK. I was speechless. Astarion was just standing there kicking rocks a little ashamed (not that he'd admit it, he was actually really angry) because that was scathing.

then he goes to talk to lae'zel who was FROTHING for him, then ends it with, "but I'M NOT GONNA FUCK YOU BC YOU IGNORED ME TOO MANY TIMES" like baby i'm so so sorry Astarion literally had her in the party instead of Gale TO talk to Zorru, but the shit with the Druids turning happened before I spoke to him and note to self do that shit first lmao

Astarion has to go spend the night with Minthy bc he needs ONE of these strong bitches to protect him, but her sex scene is. in the context of astarion's trauma, it was fucking triggering for him and so he wakes up day 3 angry, traumatized, and ready to just fucking go.

he did NOT like woodstock this year. too many bears. (i named the save file woodstock after the bear attack bc we had to pause there lmao)

they finally hit level 3 and it wasn't even by killing anyone. Idr what it was, but it was either discovering a place or just from a quest update lmao

So, level 3 made Astarion feel BALLER enough he started looking for a meal. Karlach wasn't edible, but she attacked first so they had to take her out. Astarion then led them to the Paladins of Tyr and just decided to start wiping them out. No convo. Only murder. He's feeling insecure and too vulnerable after his night with Minthy.

I have no idea who this man will end up with atp because the plan was gale, but shit went sideways real quick and i'm just going to roll with it organically.

[coltkaneko]

okay i finished replaying te 1&2 and here my Thoughts

i think it's rlly underrated! i think people like it, but also don't appreciate it enough. like i feel like everyone was kinda eh on book two but i enjoyed it. it wasn't as good as book one and the pacing was a bit off, but it's still good. kane was a fun villain and i think the morality feature was interesting. it's a fun world that is pretty immersive considering it touches every aspect of the story. it strikes the right balance between world saving stuff and fun college shenanigans. i think atlas is a fantastic character and they add so much to the story. i think they're one of the best non li characters pb has ever written.

idr if it was supposed to get a book three or not? i mean like i wish it would have, and they way it left off it could have gone either way. like with the way they introduced the high attuned and the language they used to describe the last chapter it seemed like they had an idea. but the way it ended with atlas and their mom was so rushed and contradicted gemma's exit by bringing alma back. my guess is that book three might have gotten canceled while they were writing it or while it was airing even so they had to pivot. it's honestly kinda weird that it ended where it with it only being their sophomore year.

as far as the lis go, it proved to me how much more i enjoy the multi-li and non customizable li format. i love the pend pals dynamic as well, and how there is no default best friend female li. in book one, i think it's pretty balanced between all of the lis (except aster but she does become an li much later.) book two however........ now i am a beckettmancer and he is one of my top five lis of all time BUT...... he legitimately has a special diamond scene almost every chapter where i don't think aster even got one. it was truly insane. there were a lot of opportunities to pick who you wanted to spend time with though which was nice branching. but if you are not a beckettmancer i can't imagine how unbearable all of the scenes would be lmao. i rmr at the time how much everyone fucking hated him

[khattikeri]

hiiiii keriiiiiii. 1, 3, 7, 13 for the choose violence ask game

doin dangan/ronpa for this one! subdivision bc this one is long

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Gonta. personally I blame the localization for this one bc in JP he speaks completely normal sentences but using his own name in the third person (which several female characters in the same game do, and their dialogue is translated normally) but instead of translating it as such the EN release gave him Tarzan speech, so fandom treats him as a dumb idiot baby who has no clue what he's ever doing.

Which ironically is how he self-deprecates in canon. By thinking he's too dumb and obviously doesn't know what he's talking about, even though he's a fucking entomologist.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

twitter, not tumblr. this one is a nuanced personal opinion but i disagreed so hard i actually unfollowed the person who said it///

tl;dr that they'd like Komaeda more if he had gotten an on-screen redemption where he fixed his flawed ideologies and formed real, healthy bonds with his classmates, growing as a person and eventually deciding that he was wrong about other people, the world, and himself.

like to each their own but i don't think he needs ANY OF THAT to be interesting, likeable, and still well written. positive growth is not the only good way to develop a character and as nice as it'd be for Komaeda to recover from his past i think it's wildly antithetical to his role in the story for the game itself to depict that.

also the vast majority of op's actual dr faves are fairly one-dimensional and did not have the same type of positive growth or even development at all that they allege would've made them like Komaeda soooo

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

mm. honestly nobody. idr have a strong hatred for dr characters specifically bc of the fandom, only ever bc of the source

that being said. i don't HATE Chihiro but my god nobody can be normal about Chihiro. impressive of Ko/daka to write a character in such a bigoted way that any gender headcanon (cis male, cis female, trans male, trans female) is somehow offensive.

13. worst blorboficiation

as someone who used to be guilty of it uh. Ouma lmao

[starlightfae]

Ok so this is a vague post but not in a bad way, just in a ‘cant stop thinking about it but its too stupid to bring up directly’ way

It doesn’t really matter to me if the person sees this, since like I said, it’s a stupid thing where I stopped myself from doing a “well ackshully 🤓☝️” but now I think about it more than I want to, but it was a WHILE ago so it would be dumb to like. bring it up. idk.

anyways, here we go…

So we were listening to a friend’s playlist for one of their d&d characters, and they were explaining why each song fit said character. We get to the song ‘Bud Like You’ by AJR. And my friend laughs and says this is one of the songs they added bc the character is a pothead. And I almost said something (I might have made a casual comment actually, idr) but I didn’t want to be a party pooper so yeah

The ‘problem’ (using that word loosely lol) was, I like AJR’s music a lot, and one of the songs of theirs I like is ‘No Grass Today’, where they sing about not smoking weed bc it makes them paranoid and they don’t rly like it. The song is like ‘you do you guys, but it’s not for me’. Now, I don’t know if they changed their stance since that song or whatever, but my understanding of ‘Bud Like You’ wasn’t a song about getting high (altho the title is def a play on words referencing weed) but rather 2 guys at a party being the very few abstaining from getting high. Like, 2 designated drivers vibing at the party while everyone else gets fucked up. And like, bonding over their shared sobriety.

Which doesn’t mean my friend can’t get a different message from the song! Interpretation is subjective, logically I know this. I don’t even know if my interpretation is what the band had intended either, but I wanted to argue that the song was about NOT doing weed so it doesn’t fit my friend’s character!!!

But logically, I know that it’s not that deep and doesn’t have to be a damn debate, especially since it would come off as acting like I know the band better than they do (which idk, may be correct, but there’s no need to be a prick about it lmao). It’s for fun and I don’t need to ruin it by being pendantic

But it’s been a while since then and every time I hear either song, I think about it!!! And I want to bring it up and argue about it! For no reason??

[happy-tori-friends]

a collection of reposts from twotter including the long ago promised oc ramblings

1. The OC Ramblings

i had an oc named emily that i shipped with splendid actually. she ended up becoming a non htf oc i used for some lil booklets i wrote in the 3rd grade. i was also under 13 and on 13+ sites bc i was stupid and im 99% sure emily's best friend in that series had the same name and a similar design to a friends htf oc.

i ended up reusing them for a kids book project in a sociology class back in hs. im sad i didn't get to keep it rip

i also apparently had two others named smokey the cat and alex the dog according to an old youtube account? but idr ever making them.

i also submitted a lilac cat named felicity i drew in ms paint to the voting competition lmao.

all of them - except felicity had hair. but tbf i also gave my sonic ocs hair (in the vain of honey the cat, i think her name was) bc i felt weird with them being 'bald'

and smurb (i used some htf oc maker to make him, he was gonna be the masot of a happy tree friends oc rating tumblr blog which since turned into a blog i reblog things to so i can save them for later)

2. the tomodachi life in my brain (ft. my ocs and shizuo and izaya from durarara)

the tomodachi life-esque apartment in my mind has somehow gotten even funnier. ray and tsubasa invite shizuo and izaya to meet the new ppl who moved into the building. they knock on the door. the door opens and there stand lifty and shifty from happy tree friends. there is a long silent pause. someone shuts the door. there is more silence.

finally tsubasa says 'were those fucking two anthropromorphic green raccoons'

everyone goes back to their apartments, confused as all hell.

3. if i tiktok'd

if i used tiktok id probably make a video of my 3ds closed on my bed and my lifty and shifty plushes sitting in front of it and me going 'okay boys its time for you to get an education :) lets learn about Pokemon War' and i open the 3ds and its pokemon conquest

it just cuts to them looking at each other with 'wtf' and '???' overlayed.

so far they've just stayed on my bedside shelf but i want to be silly with them

the alternative is me tucking them in and going 'goodnight i love you' and then just jump cut to a poorly eduted sequence of them beating the shit out of my self portrait while the pmd outlaw theme plays

im completely and totally unaware that i am not funny at all. ever.

4. cub

human cub htf is just the babysitting mama baby and in this essay i-

5. graphic design is my passion

it would be really easy to snatch cub's hat and put it on the cooking mama baby but how easy do you think it would be to remove cuddles's hair and replace his feet with ones without slippers and recolor him pink to make bunny maloney

i considered drawing him myself but a. the shitty recolor is arguably funnier and b. the last time i attempted to draw in the htf style was my first attempt at magical warrior au mascot and i just accidentally made an actual htf

if this had eyelashes and an actual more human hairstyle + clothes it would be emily (she had green hair 4 a while according to old doink to youtube uploads but i swear she originally had blue hair + i think the cat club version had blue hair and the version of her i used for my childrens book project in sociology class in hs was based on the cat club version of her and therefor had blue hair)

6. ultima weapon

htf ffxiv au where shifty lifty and splendont just pull out cards and start playing go fish in the ultima weapon fight l during the cutscenes (

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #544

this is three days old... oops lmao

What makeup product do you never use? I mean... all of them these days, haha. But one that comes to mind that I've literally never used is bronzer. Have you ever seen a jellyfish? Yes, in an aquarium by the beach. Has anyone ever randomly licked your face? A partner mighta just to annoy me, but idr. Did anyone ever draw on your face when you were sleeping? No. Have you ever done that to someone else? No. My friend and I did once draw eyebrows onto our old boxer Cali though and shit was fucking peek entertainment. Can you imitate any other accent? I do British very well. Have you ever protested? No. Tbh I think I'd be afraid of things turning violent, and I also physically can't stand for an extended period of time. I'd like to do so peacefully and stand for what I'm passionate about, but. Dunno if it'll actually happen. Have you ever participated in a parade? No. Were you ever chased by an animal? No. Have you ever told an elder to fuck off? No; I've never had a reason to, but don't go thinking I won't if you deserve it. I don't care what age group you're in. Are you single/or taken? Taken. ^ Are you happy with that? Yes, very. He brings an incredible amount of light into my life. Do you feel guilty about anything? I always will. Have you ever started talking to someone that you thought was someone else? OH MY GOD YES and the guy was SO confused, I'm so sorry my guy. When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” "Bless you" by habit, even though I don't like it. I don't like the religious implication, so this question actually made me realize I'm going to try and start saying "Gesundheit" instead. What are two things you are excited to do in the near future? Fully complete the DP forum. :') Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Bro no shame, it was a wonderful movie. Do you ever put condoms in old people’s buggies at the store? I may not know how to be an adult for the most part, but Christ I can at least be mature enough to not do that. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? Mom rents this house. Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? Oh absolutely, very frequently to my own detriment. I NEED my alone time, and honestly a lot of it, but I can also become extremely lonely if I overdo it. Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? It depends. In English it is generally accepted that you write out 1-9 fully and then transfer to using only digits after. Or something like that. What's one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don't participate in any. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouse’s names? Katie is married to Josh, Misty is married to Franky, Bobby's wife is uh... okay I forgot her name, and Ashley is tragically married to Nick. Name one lyric from the song you’re listening to/the last one you listened? It's in German, but the English translation is: "And the fear grows into the night; door and gates are guarded / the back's wet, the hands clammy / everyone is afraid of the Black Man ('Bogeyman' in German)." It's a brilliantly political song about paranoia between a country's own people dividing them all, with the most fuckin rad music video ever. Have you ever owned a turtle? Did it ever bite you when you owned it? As a kid I briefly kept a poor red-eared slider, which even worse, is invasive here. I eventually let it go nearby, but for real, don't take animals from the wild, y'all. I don't remember it trying to bite me. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you dont like? I have zero clue who his friends are now. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? Yeah, it's part of my photography editing bundle. I never used it a whole lot, not even once every day, but I quite enjoy it and got shit to make when I get a new laptop that can handle it, haha. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? I don't watch shows period, but thinking of those I've enjoyed in the past, I'm sure she'd be unhappy about Deadman Wonderland. Like she wouldn't stop me from watching it, but she sure wouldn't watch herself. How long have you lived with the person/people you currently live with? Since I was born. Do you see yourself still with your current partner in 10 years? That's easy, honestly. Do you have any Italian ancestry? Not that I know of, no. I don't think we really know Dad's ancestry? I know his last name is Irish, though. What was the dumbest thing you ever did as a teenager? I let some guy be my sole source of happiness and convinced myself there was no way in Heaven or Hell I could live without him. Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? It has to be frigid or else I do nooot like it. I am so immensely picky with water, which I don't really like anyway. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? My eyes are mistaken as a greenish color sometimes, when in fact they're primarily blue, but definitely with tints of gray and green. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into the family when my father owned a stunning female collie named Trigger, but I have zero memories of her because she died when I was just a baby. The first pet I remember owning as a family was Chance, a stray cat we took in. Now if we're talking my very first personal pet, it was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow; I can't recall who came first. Have you Googled anything today? What? Ugh yeah, edema relief. Now that I'm in the spare room a lot, with my legs very used to being elevated, it builds up. I'm trying to strike a balance so I can leave the bed without dealing with edema to a dangerous extreme. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Cereal, usually. Is anyone in your family a nurse? Well, close; my sister Ashley is a mammographer. There may be other family member in the medical field too, but I don't know about it. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colours do you think suit you best? Should I already have black eye liner (and sometimes shadow) on, I think a black lipstick looks great on me, I just don't have a quality one that doesn't immediately get on everything. If I put it on, it's literally JUST to take a picture lmao. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My aunt Kelly. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? Girt and I do that shit daily lmao Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? We always have one. Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? My boyfren. :') Do you think witchcraft is interesting? I do indeed, but nowhere near to the extent of my sister Misty. She sincerely considers herself a witch. What do you think of people who hate vegetarians? "I think they could be so much more productive with their time." <<<< 100% this. If a person feels healthier and/or more morally at peace by not eating meat, okay???? Let them. Holier-than-thou vegetarians/vegans exist, sure, and they're annoying, but the fact still remains that their dietary habits have zero effect on you. What is your favorite Johnny Depp film? I actually really enjoy his performance in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Do you like the color purple? I do, it's pretty, especially when blended with hues of pink. What film are you looking forward to seeing the most? At this moment I'd actually really like to go see The Black Phone. I should talk to Mom about that. Do you like dragons? I fuckin LOVE dragons, GOOD GOOD SHIT. I'm always interested in dragon content, and I like collecting dragon decor and such. Which one of your parents has the worst temper? I don't think I can fairly answer this question. Dad was definitely more volatile when my parents were together, but they split like... almost a decade ago, and I haven't lived with him since. Mom spites the fuck outta him for it, but my dad is infinitely happier and more pleasant without her; since I re-established ties with him a couple years after he left, he was just a brand fucking new person. I mean maybe he still gets angry faster than Mom, but I can't say that with certainty since I just don't see him enough. What’s the last thing you learned? So in my Rammstein obsession lately I've been more intent than before on learning the stories that aren't obvious behind some songs, right? WELL I learned the detailed story behind "Mein Teil" AND,,,,,,,, IT'S A LOT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, When’s the last time you felt obsessed? ^ lmao oh, my passion for these goofs has been out of this world lately What would you spend $1,000 on? Okay so we're gonna say I can't save it for this, in which case I would probably get my big tattoo I want on my left arm, and if I have money to spare, I'd cover Sara's handwriting tattoo with Teddy's tribute one. What’s your job, or what do you want to do as your job? Blah, blah, I mention not having a job enough already. it stresses me the fuck out, but I just. Don't know exactly what I want to do to earn my keep, and by now the only thing that feels even mildly realistic for me is to be a housewife. There are some days where I horribly spite that, and others where I don't mind too much. It's like, I want to accomplish big things, but there is a lot in the way that I just do not know if I can get past. Then I'm also a person with a metric shit-ton of love in her, so this side says there's great position in just being a loving, supportive wife that helps keep her spouse motivated and happy. Ugh this answer is getting long dude, I just don't know. Maybe there's like this compromise where I'm a housewife that makes some income with her hobbies, idk dude, I really don't. What kind of covers do you have on your bed? They're a thin, airy pink that works well for hot weather. What song plays in your head the most? Rammstein's "Zick Zack" and its entire music video literally live in my head at all conscious moments completely rent-free. Have you ever received a card signed individually by a large group of people? Uhhh, maybe as a family collaboration for a birthday? Idr. Who do you know that’s pregnant right now? One of Ashley's oldest friends (and a neighbor for a massive chunk of our lives!), finally!! She's an elementary school teacher and just SO sweet, she is going to be a spectacular mother. <3 What did you last use scissors for? To make a starting point to open a bag of pizza rolls. Who have you helped move? Jason, and to a lesser extent, I helped get us into this house... barely. I am just so, so incredibly weak that to be honest I barely did anything and cried about it, but my family supposedly understood. And what age was your first kiss? I was a month into 16, I think. What is the last strain of weed you smoked/consumed however?............. I did not know weed had "strains" lmfao I don't know shit What is the last YouTube channel you watched? Rammstein Official; I watched their "Making of..." video for "Mein Teil." Do you have any nieces or nephews? Oh yes, many. I only see my immediate sister's three children regularly, though. The others live in different states entirely, as far away as Ohio. Have you ever been to an extremely dirty house before? Whose house was it? OLJAKSLDJFAKLWEJAFLER yes, Colleen's mother's when we were still friends. We went in there and out so fuckin fast. My mother also has a friend who is a hoarder, but I don't know if things have cleaned up since she had to move to a new place. I hope so; she's such a sweet woman that was just too low in sorrow over her mother's passing to take care of the house. Would you ever or do you hunt? I genuinely think I would rather starve and die, but if it was a serious survival situation, I really don't know what I'd do. I think that's one of those situations where you have to be in it to really know. Do you like to play games on your phone? What games do you play most often? I only really ever play Pokemon GO. What is the most recent video you took of? Damn dude, no idea. Maybe Teddy's last birthday when he got his "cake" and Mom and I sang "happy birthday" to him. Has wind ever done any extreme damage to your home or anything that you own? No, not extreme damage. We've had a tree fall onto our roof by a hurricane, and it required a bit of patching up, but it really wasn't bad. Do you enjoy taking photos with your significant other or are you just not that type of couple? If you don't have a significant other, do you enjoy taking photos of yourself more or of your friends and/or family? It's been 12 years of knowing on another... and ONE picture of us exists, and I'm barely in it lmaoooo. Girt just isn't a picture person, and I just feel too ugly all the time to try taking some. If I wasn't so self-conscious, oh, I would absolutely force this man to take some with me, haha.

[azazelsconfessional]

(Ya know, seeing that anon ask thing dealing with the game master's "guild leader" made me remember that I was wanting to make a Housamo OC that fit the guild leader role until the actual one was released. But I could never figure out how to make them since no info has been revealed about them. Hell, there might not even BE a guild leader for the GMs. I always invisioned them as someone like jevil from deltarune though for some reason. Just chaotic and insane, while also being locked up out of fear from the other GMs.

Anyways, it's good to see you mun! I hope you're doing alright! Honestly, I'm glad you've had this long rest. It's good to rest your bones every once in a while~. Unless you like cracking bones... I don't know where I was going with this lol. Either way, yeah, good to see ya again!)

((Good to see you all again too! o/ I do like cracking bones a little bit since I have like. Stiff joints and I'm always trying to pop them lol. . .but I rest all the time and that's still the case, so that's clearly not the problem lol I should really be more hydrated I suppose.

On the subject of a Game Masters guildmaster OC, I don't have a problem with it tbh--the problem there was more like. . .besides the lack of notice or discussion on the matter, it just had such a. . .idk. No offense to the person who sent the ask, but it felt forced? And kinda like they didn't know what they were talking about? Like I don't expect people to know every little detail of the game because I sure don't. But it felt like they may not have had been up to date with the story or aware of the lore in question so to speak??? Am I making sense without pointing out the issues I percieved?

Idk maybe I'm being unnecessarily critical of it because it aggrivated me a little bit because it felt like it was shoved at me like that without asking me if I was on board to begin with.

Rambling about lore and theories about a GM gm under the cut

Idkidk. I don't have a problem with the idea of such an OC ofc but I feel like you'd need to really think that kind of thing through, y'know? Like really be on top of the lore for it to work. Idk if they'd be chaotic--I can see them being like. Crazy and morally ambiguous? Because they've sent out Bertro, Curren, and the other kid(probably Alice but we don't know that for sure) to study like human advancement potential through means of War/Violence, Education, and uuh whatever the last one that "Isaac" is supposed to be studying through the Invaders, idr if we know off the top of my head. And that kinda suggests that they had part in their creation as Genius Record Collectors and all, and running the game kinda suggests they may have had something to do eith the experiments in Chiyoda that Arc was part of. . .someone chaotic probably wouldn't have records being kept of everything like they are. :|a Like, what's happening doesn't seem random enough to be run by a chaotic person to me. And a chaotic person would surely not lock away the exceptions for being too powerful/game-ruining, right? They'd let them run around and have op kaiju type battles or something lmao. But that's just my perspective. It'd be a hard OC to make/work with, I think, just because of how little we know like you said. At the same time we know so much that it's just as hard to like. Work something out with all the details we do have.

Tbh I noticed we don't have a Rep for Utopia yet and Curren and Bertro both have robots and they're like manufactured children so I kinda imagine they might be the rep for Utopia? At the same time, someone from the advanced future probably wouldn't want to study evolution/advancement from an angle of the past--how would that benefit the future which already has everything figured out, y'know? And we know that the Exception Solomon is the one that's making the Gates and all work(I think that was the end of Chapter 11. . .I may be remembering what I've read about 12. . .) which is why MC now has to unlock all the Exceptions to get to him--so surely he has something to do with all of this. And the Game came after the Gates did, so the Game is just being used for the convenience of the Reps, right???? And it's somrthing separate that's like. Conveniently in line with what they're trying to do which could also mean it's somrthing that's made/run by someone with a Pillar/who knows/knew what they were trying to accomplish and remembers what's already happened and all and i'm making myself dizzy trying to theorize like this lmao. . . .

But uh. Yeah. Idk. An OC like that would be difficult to make but like more power to people who do really go in and try and make that kind of thing, tbh lol

Anyway, it's good to see everyone, and hopefully i'll be back on top of things soon. I got distracted in the middle of coming to answer things again and ended up spending several hours reading Alice's character and date quests and i'm feeling scatterbrained again lol i keep inconveniencing myself. But i'm working my way back here. I have no sende of the passage of time so it's like. I have no clue how long i've been off but it's probably longer than it feels haha. . .but yeah. I'm doing okay. I'm surviving. I just have adhd up the ass lol. . . .

[mariaiscrafting]

I think the turning on Karl thing started with the eugenics charity thing. A lot of people didn’t like how he handled that, and then the stuff with him supporting some banned violently racist twitch streamer at some point in his life (genuinely don’t remember the details). And I think those happened relatively close to each other so a lot of shit thrown at him at once. But like Karl still has an army on Twitter, and they talk over the negative from what I’ve seen

Do they talk over the negative? Haven't been on mcyttwt in quite a while, but from the perspective of a mcytblr user, it seems like everyone who used to like Karl immediately jumped that ship once he became Too Problematic to justify liking anymore...

Anyways, so racist twitch streamer, I assume, is IcePoseidon (is that his name? idr completely). Support? Really? Or, like, the Twitter definition of support, which is to say, followed on Twitter and/or used to watch and/or used to be subscribed to him? lmao

And, eugenics charity...? The autism speaks charity thing? Was Karl involved in that? If so, how did he handle it poorly..? I don't know if this is what you're talking about exactly lol

[highsviolets]

hi i’m BACK TO SCREAM ABOUT THE EPISODE NOW THAT YOU’VE WATCHED IT

my highlights:

1. he’s so patient with the wires and the child tries SO hard and Din really is such a dad

2. when they’re eating together and baby tries to see what he actually looks like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

3. when they’re eating together there’s one bit where they both brink the food at the same time and it’s like the child mimics his dad and it was SO SWEET AND CUTE AND FAMILY DIEHUEJSHSHDHDJ

4. when the four of them infiltrate the imperial base and they reach the lava place and the other two don’t care but Din automatically puts his arm out to make sure the ice dude (what his name lol idr) doesn’t go too close to the edge and it’s such a naturally protective thing to do and says so much about him

5. when the child throws up lmao and Din says “oh boy” and then won’t come back down for a drink w the others because the child is his priority all the time

he’s really grown so much because he has someone to care about and protect and love and i’m not ready to see them part it’s going to break me

WELCOME BACK DARLING. thanks for being patient with me lol. 

so. much. to. unpack. 

1. it melted me. i was a goner from the first scene. I think what really stood out to me was not just his patience, but the lack of frustration evident in his voice. Like, you can be patient and still be frustrated, I think, or a little agitated. Most people would. But he is so calm, and soothing, and he DOESN’T SHAME THE CHILD FOR MIXING IT UP. which is so important. 

2. stop that’s the thing i’m sensitive about --

i love that the Child was just. curious? like, not invasive, not grabbing all over Din. Just kinda looking up, like oh, father’s mouth, lmao. I don’t think it’s the first time it’s happened, either. Din was way to casual about it for it to have been the first time. That’s one thing I love about Favreau’s creative vision; he’s able to fill in gaps in that narrative that we didn’t even realize existed and bring us into greater understanding of these characters all at the same time. what i would give for that man’s talent i tell you. 

3. F A M I L Y. and it’s such a child-like thing, to mimic the actions of those you see around you.

4. YES I NOTICED THAT TOO. Also, when they’re leaving the reactor, Din is the last to leave, making sure everyone is ahead of him before automatically assuming the lead. Also, it’s worth remembering that this being was his BOUNTY. It just goes to show that Din’s work isn’t personal to him. It’s not about him; he doesn’t internalize who he captures or who tries to kill him. That changes when the Child comes into play -- which we see in 2x01 opening scene -- because it’s not just about them targeting him anymore. It’s not just about them wanting his beskar (a recurring theme, no, in this season?) It’s about what will happen to the Child if he’s gone. It’s about something so much bigger than him. It always was, with the Creed. But it’s different because he has charge of another living being who needs him. honor kink honor kink honor kink.

5. YES. ugh. and again, he wasn’t angry. he wasn’t upset. he was just like, “yep, gotta take care of this, this is my job, this what babies do.” 

hi where do i find one pls n thx 

[arrivalation]

2020: An Account

This year has been a nonstop, off-the-rails bullet train ride into what looked at first like chaos, but ultimately was a tearing down and reconstruction of my entire being. Because I know myself and I know I won’t remember much of this later, I’m recording it here. It’s hard to put some of this information out, but the universe regularly urges me to be more open. So here I go.

January

I got married.

It was, without contest, the absolute best day of my life. I’ve known since I was real little that I wanted to be married, that I wanted to be loved the way M loves me and to love someone just as much. I don’t know how to explain the feeling of having achieved that, and being able to share that with my entire circle. @abyssalsun​ made it down!! (my only regret is that @ladyoriza​ couldn’t make it, but I’m still so glad we got to make it to theirs). As often as I can, I revisit the memory of going to @chromecutie​’s house afterward, thinking it’d just be the four of us there, and opening the door to find a whole impromptu surprise party happening. Everyone cheered for us when we came in. I played CAH with Mordred, my brother and his wife, and several friends from out of town. By all accounts, these people would never have been in the same room together, but they were, and it was transcendent. It’s been almost a year, and I still haven’t recovered from all the planning and stress; but now that I’m past it, I can say with relief that it was 100% worth it.

February

We bought a house.

Up until this point, I’d been planning a wedding, participating in house-buying stuff as best I could, interviewing for a job I ended up not taking, and dealing with life-long mental illness that was festering and reaching critical mass. But then stuff started wrapping up. The wedding happened. The house was ours. We moved in. I could finally fucking breathe. LMAO bitch you thought.

March

The pandemic reached us.

I guess by this point it had probably already been in the US for a couple months, idr. But it wasn’t until March that things really started happening. People started dying in droves. New cases spread like wildfire. I remember thinking that this would be the zombie apocalypse, because at this point, I don’t think the CDC knew much about the virus. In my anxious mind, that was a completely reasonable assumption. My boss had us all start working from home. We all thought it’d be just a couple weeks.

April

I settled into working from home.

It didn’t take me long to get used to it, maybe a week. I hadn’t yet gotten used to my new hour-long commute from the new house to work, and so working from home quickly became my new normal. But I didn’t know yet why working from home was so good for me. All I knew was that I now had the brain-space to process things. I had the energy to do yoga and cook and do hobbies, and the time to appreciate and care for the home I lived in. I could think more clearly because there was no one else around to distract me. There was sunlight I could bask in. I felt human for once, and that became vitally important and infinitely valuable to me. Despite that, I still struggled with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and some of the worst depression I’ve suffered through since I was a teenager. Outside my house, everything was a fucking mess and no one had their shit together.

May

I went back to the office for a few weeks.

There was a lull in pandemic activity. My boss had us all start coming back to the office again. At this point, I couldn’t make heads or tails of reality anymore. Everything was changing, nothing was stable. I desperately needed to stay working from home, because that was the one thing that felt Good and Right, but I had no real argument other than, 'I just need to.' So imagine me, at this point a soggy, run-over sloppy joe, attempting to return to normal. As you might think, it was... bad. I cried and hurt all the time. I think I really freaked out my boss with the way I reacted to coming back to the office. But then the second wave hit, and we all went back to working from home again.

June

Uncle Mike died on the first day of the month.

My uncle had been sick for a while, but no one was expecting him to die so suddenly. None of us were ready for it.

I also died that day.

It might sound dramatic, but I mean it quite literally and honestly. Over the years, I had gained suspicion that I was on the autism spectrum. M graciously found me a psychiatrist that took my insurance (and happened to be right next door). I wasn’t even going in for that - I was seeking treatment for my anxiety and depression. But I had amassed a (very long) list of my symptoms, and I brought it with me and read it to my doctor. I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through the list when he stopped me. I’m paraphrasing here, but in effect, he said, “No, yeah, you’re definitely autistic.”

I remember the way my body felt. Like someone had detonated a bundle of TNT in my chest, and I was burning from the inside out. At the time, I didn’t realize this emotional immolation was purposeful and executed by the universe to get rid of this old structure and build a newer, better, stronger one. For about fifteen seconds after he said that, I was relieved that it had been that easy, that there was an explanation for everything that my ADHD didn’t explain. It made a ton of sense why my environment was so important to me. And then I felt something unnameable. It was obvious to my doctor that I was autistic. Had it been obvious to everyone else? Why hadn’t it been obvious to me? I read the rest of my symptoms to him in a daze. I don’t remember how the rest of the appointment went.

And then I burned quietly and ungracefully until I was a pile of ashes. I didn’t know this at the time, but apparently it’s common for newly-diagnosed autistic people to have such dramatic and painful reactions, especially if they weren’t well-informed on the condition. Which I wasn’t.

I started therapy.

I also started learning about my “flavor” of autism. It was arduous, embarrassing, isolating, and ugly. I became aware that I had been masking my whole life, and I was astounded by just how often I did so. What really crushed me was knowing that I’d always have to mask to protect myself. I also became hyper-aware of the things that made me Feel Bad. Inexplicably, I stopped being able to react to those things the way I used to. Previously, if something made a loud and unexpected sound, I would suppress my reaction, because it’s not cool to get mad about it. But I found I couldn’t do that anymore. I had no choice but to react the way I needed to react. I realize now that this was to make me aware of what things make me feel a certain way so I can either avoid them or learn better tools to deal with them.

The therapist I saw wasn’t specialized in autism, and she wasn’t any help in that area, but she did teach me some important things. Like, “Is it reasonable for me to feel ____?”

July

Black hole.

I don’t remember a whole lot from this month, except sifting my own ashes through my fingers and crying. Every day brought a new revelation, a new thing that clicked. All of it was helpful and very painful. My psychiatrist recommended medication, but I’d had a bad and long-lasting experience with medication as a teenager, so I suffered through the pain on my own.

I shouldn’t have. I got so low I didn’t want to be alive anymore. But I think it took reaching the bottom and feeling that much pain for me to get over my fear of pharmaceuticals. 

I got into astrology.

I had been interested in it for most of my life, but it wasn’t until this point that I started studying it in depth. I discovered it was a language that I could use to translate so many things about my own life that I didn’t understand. It was a rulebook in a time when I desperately needed rules - but one just flexible enough that it taught me how to stop thinking in binary.

August

I got medicated.

There was a big adjustment period, of course. It didn’t cure me. But it did start to make things easier. And it helped to know that, even if I didn’t believe it at the time, I deserved to rest. I deserved not to feel so much emotional pain all the time.

I turned 30.

It was easily the second best day of my life. I learned a lot of important things, like that it’s important to be present, that I’m seen and loved (just the way I am!!), and that I deserve good things. M planned a whole day of surprises:

I woke up at my leisure and we had coffee on the couch. He got me a cute card with one of our inside jokes inside - I still have it.

We went to our favorite combination lunch place and bakery, which I believe was our first real outing since the pandemic started.

We stopped by a tattoo place. I almost got a tattoo.

He set me loose in Texas Art Supply.

We got dim sum for dinner.

We had a lovely virtual cocktail hour with @chromecutie.

He bought me an ipad!!

I became Spiritual™.

I had been agnostic for the past decade or so, slowly and subtly slipping into nihilism, without realizing how detrimental those ideas were to me. I’m not sure what I thought spirituality was before, but I wasn’t into it. I had always rolled my eyes at people who talked about “a higher power”, auras, and spirit guides, until I became that person.

My psychiatrist introduced some powerful ideas to me, ones that meshed well with my previously-existing idea of how the universe worked. I won’t get into details here. That’s a whole other post. Ask me though - I’d love to talk about it.

Anyway, I started (intermittently) meditating. I learned some exceptionally powerful stuff. I felt my scaffolding being erected.

September

I started learning who I am and why I am this way.

I started seeing a new therapist. She thinks like me. She follows my erratic, forking trains of thought. She sees me and offers real, actionable feedback and solutions. Working with her, I’ve gained the ability to see my life from a 30,000-foot view. I can see now why I’ve felt so lonely my whole life. I understand how my family’s dysfunction has shaped me. I know now that I have the opposite of a victim complex - by default, I believe I am so awful that I feel sorry for everyone who has to deal with me. Because that’s what I was taught to believe. Learning that I deserve to take up space, set boundaries, say no, and be wrong sometimes is still a hard lesson for me. But most days, I believe it now. It takes other people believing it and convincing me. I still need that reassurance often.

My parents sold my childhood home.

Mentally, emotionally, I still lived there. I was still the inverted victim, still beholden to my stepdad’s whims and my mom’s complete cognitive dissonance. This was a blinking neon sign from the universe that it was time to move out. My mom told me when the closing date was so I’d have time to drive down and look at the house one last time. I didn’t go, and I still don’t regret it.

I started learning my boundaries.

After my spiritual move-out, I learned I don’t have to jump when my stepdad holds out the little circus hoop. When he otherwise shows zero interest in my life but still baits me with passive-aggressive texts, I don’t have to answer!! What a concept! I don’t have to feel guilty for not talking to my mom more than I do. We have very little in common, and I still have a lot of things to work through regarding her.

I learned how not to be so reactive.

Or rather, I’m still learning. Something else I learned in therapy is that over the course of my life, I’ve developed a desperate need to defend myself and to justify every action or thought I have, even to myself. It’d been especially troubling at work. My RSD led me to felt stupid, incompetent, and unseen daily; if my boss complimented someone, I believed it also meant he thought I was stupid and bad and wrong, otherwise he would have complimented me too. If my boss said something that even remotely sounded like I’d done something wrong, I’d race to build an impenetrable defense: “This is the reason I did that. Here’s my line of thinking. Do you understand? Can you please understand?”

Now I know that so little of what everything everyone says or does at work is about me. I can appreciate a coworker’s accomplishment and also realize it doesn’t take away anything from me. I’m not stupid or incompetent, and I’m a valuable part of the team. A lot of times, my boss and I are on two different wavelengths - that’s because I think a lot faster, which can be frustrating for him sometimes. He doesn’t fully understand me, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.

October

I let go of an old friend.

This was especially hard, because I had known this person for years. We’d gone through a lot together, and we’d shared some really important and emotional story plots and characters. I had agonized over whether I was truly important to her or not. It didn’t matter how much I loved her as a friend, or how badly I wanted us to be close again and remain close. I had learned to read the universe’s signs, and it was clear it was time to move on.

November

The election happened.

I was expecting things to turn out badly, but I still hoped for something good. And then something good did happen. I cried watching Harris’ speech. I felt a tenuous hope that things might finally start looking up, societally. I still haven’t really let myself fully embrace that hope, but every time I see a court shoot down another lawsuit, or hear about trump’s own conservative republican supporters tell him, “Okay, buddy, it’s time to step down,” I feel a little better. 

M and I went non-monogamous.

There’s so much I want to say about this, but it’s for another post. Suffice it to say that like every other experience this year, it has been unexpectedly challenging and ultimately a catalyst for  priceless growth. I’m unfathomably grateful that we’re doing this together, for the things we’ve learned so far, and for how much closer this experience has made us, even when I didn’t think we could get any closer. 

Turns out I’m not gray-ace.

I had identified as such for a couple years, which was why we wanted to try non-monogamy in the first place. On the surface, it perfectly explained my sexual personality. But every time I told someone my identity, I felt inexplicably sad. When I read about others having “normal” sex drives and “normal” relations with their spouses, I felt jealous.

Turns out I’m just traumatized, lol. Walking along this non-mono path has unearthed a lot of things, including this gem.

December

This was our first married christmas in our new house.

One of the handful of good things the pandemic has done for me was allowing me to back up my boundaries with hard evidence. It’s been difficult dealing with my stepdad bullying me about not coming over for thanksgiving, and having my mom subtly guilt me into making plans for next year already. But what I needed this year was a quiet holiday, instead of the usual weeks-long chaos, and I got it. And it was fucking delightful. I’ve dreamed of days exactly like that one - spending a tranquil morning with my spouse, sipping coffee and listening to music and eating treats. Deciding exactly how we want our holidays to be, because we deserve to.

I’m scared of what’s to come in the new year. I’m still an anxious mess, and some days I’m not strong enough to pull myself out of the spirals I throw myself into. I’ve gotten used to the pandemic holding my hand, allowing me to shelter in my home, helping me enforce my boundaries, teaching me who I am. When it’s over, I don’t know what will happen or how I’ll react or what I’ll learn next. I’m not finished rebuilding, but I don’t think that’s the point. I’ll never be fully rebuilt. But at least I’m figuring out the new layout.

[pastelbatfandoms]

Survey because I’m bored

Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? Well it was our first date,and our first offical meeting. We were walking through the park when he kissed me,I'm assuming because he wanted too lol. Not that I was complaining. I was too shy back then to make the first move,nothing like how I am now.

Do you care what people think? A little. Everyone does.

Are you listening to music? If so, what is it? Nope.

Do you like to take walks? Sometimes

Would you ever date someone out of state? Yes

Plans for tonight? Eating Pizza and chilling at home.

Do you want to go to a party? Not during a pandemic.I'm not really into parties anyway.

Has your birthday past this year? No, it’s on the 27th

Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah.

Will this year be better then last? Hopefully. For us it has been since we've moved.

Can you listen to music while reading a book? I read out loud so no.

Are Monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to? Every morning except when I don't have to walk My son to school are hard lol

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? maybe.

Last thing you ate? Chicken and Broccoli rice bowl from Panera Bread.

Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Micheal's.

Who do you get along with best in your family? My twin nieces

How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I was 23 or 24 idr.

Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yes.

Who were you last on the phone with? The Dentist

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yes.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yes.

Can you commit to one person and one person only? Yup. Though it's a challenge sometimes since mentally I want to be in a Poly relationship but I've never been in one.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Not anymore.

Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Yes.

Do you miss your past? Some of it.

Are you typically a happy person? Yeah, in general.

Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Some parts but the majority no.

Who last made you smile? My Son.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot a lot? Right now.

Is there a difference between love and being in love? Yeah.

Where is your Mother? At her house.

Have you ever laid on a couch with the opposite sex? Yes.

Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Both seem nice.

If you could change one thing this year about your life, would you? Uh, yeah. The fucking pandemic would be over. <<<This

Did you sleep alone last night? Nope.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? A bit like if they're a full grown alcholic then yes.

Do you like potato chips? Yeah.

Are you ticklish? Yes.

Craziest place you have slept? A Garage

Have you ever been cheated on? I think so. Though I don't have proof.

Can you count on anyone to be there for you, always? Yeah.

Do you think being “heart broken” is as bad as people say? It is. Romantically or not.

I’m guessing you’ve probably been asked this before, but which do you prefer - Coca Cola, or Pepsi? Both

Do you think the last person you texted is a virgin? (You don’t have to tell us who the person is, just say yes or no.) He’s not.

Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? I didn't have a phone back then.

In your phone’s contacts, who is the second person listed under the letter ‘R’? I don't have My phone on me. Nor do I know anyone who's name starts with an R,except an Ex but there's no way his number would be in my phone.

What is that person’s favourite drink? No idea.

Has the last person you texted, ever been in your bedroom? We share a bedroom.

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I use in spray/leave in conditioner.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Either.

Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a few pieces My Mom gave me,that I just keep for nostalgia reasons.

If the last girl you texted told you that she was pregnant, how would you respond? Um that would be My Mom and I would say it was a joke for one she's single and has not interest in dating anyone,2 she's in her 70's and 3 she has her tubes tied.

How old is the last male you texted? 34..

How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? LMAO already answered this.

Who do you have the most text messages from? My Mom and Michael.

When was the last time you visited the doctor? Last week,I have to go back tomorrow for another blood pressure test.

Do you know anyone who deserves to be slapped? Why? Yes several someones.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? Definitely depends.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? I think Benton who I dated for 8 months and My first BF Scott but I never talk to them.

Would you have sex with the last person that poked you on Facebook? That’s not a thing anymore and hasn’t been for a long time.

Does more than one person like you? Not that I am aware of.

Who is the youngest person in your household? When is that person’s birthday? My youngest Son. Who's Birthday is March 8.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Scott Pattern and no not like that. He wasn't a bad BF though.

Do you like your middle name? I do.

Would you ever visit a psychic? lol don't need to. Only one I think I'd trust in would be Sloan Bella,but she's more of a Medium. She can't read your mind or anything,she mainly communes with spirits and reads peoples energies.

You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? No one in particular. It's usually a Facebook group or My niece Carol maybe My Mom or BFF.

Let’s say I was going to make you something to eat, what would you like? :) I’m not super hungry and I'm pretty picky. I'd say a grilled hot dog with sauerkraut since you can't really mess that up.

And what drink would you like with that? Pepsi

Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? Tell me about him/her.I used to in middle school. We kinda looked alike as well,I remember her being sweet but we didn't really talk much.

If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I’ve had it really long and really short and I like it in the middle. <<Same. I do want to go get it cut,layered and dyed for My birthday.

Can you remember the last time you felt emotional? What was the reason? tbh it was yesterday watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I watched the episode when Kim was robbed at gun point in Paris and I felt really bad for her. I can't beleive people think she made it up or planned it,people are such jerks.

Do you call your partner ‘baby’? Not really.

What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? Um tbh staying stagnant and not going anywhere in life is a fear of mine. so I would not be happy with that,also I would like the pandemic to end.

What is a word that starts with the second to last letter of your name? Cherry

[arckhaic]

pls unleash ur rage on if we were villains i wanna hear all of it

anon: why did u hate if we were villains? i havent read it i just love tea

i’m going to combine these two asks — but okay! i have rage! + a long ass day at work to fuel it, i’m ready. there will be spoilers here on after.

first things first, this book gave me a lot of promises. it’s a group of kids who go to theatre school and study shakespeare and it’s told by the guy who went down for a crime that happened 10 or whatever years ago. a pretty sick premise.it’s got a wicked cover. it honestly dropping everything i was looking to pick up. ( an important thing to note is that going into it, i didn’t know it was queer. it was never said or mentioned before i picked it up. ) i wanted SO MUCH to like this book, i thought i was going TO LOVE IT 

but ! it all goes down hill from there. we’re introduced to oliver ... the most boring, passive guy i’ve never wanted to know. he’s literally The Extra ... he’s not a great actor ( which he says himself ) and he’s literally just there. he doesn’t do anything fun, he doesn’t have a great family, he doesn’t have anything that would make him an interesting character other than the fact that he went to prison and even then he’s like [looks out on the lake] it’s been 84 years since i’ve had a personality ... i’ll try to think of something on the spot ... because .... i’m an ACTOR and it’s ALL I’VE ever wanted. ok buddie .... 

and we meet his friend group ... Evil Big Guy, Sexey Lady, Party Frat Troublemaker, Angelic Wonderboy, Butch, and Wallflower. i can’t even give oliver a name like that. i love his lack of identity go king give us nothing 

and the Evil Bad Guy dies like 30 pages in and we’re just left like the fish at the end of finding nemo like now what?? the wallflower honestly literally disappeared lmao like entirely like where tf did she even go?? angelic wonderboy, butch, and sexey lady are the only redeeming characters everyone else was forgettable and not worth time or energy! lookin at u oliver u fuckin soggy piece of bread

and ... honestly what kills me is that this book is about shakespeare — and it does not compare. the writing of this book is set against shakespeare’s plays and the writing can’t ... hold up to it. it’s dry, it’s sparse ( and there’s nothing wrong w sparsity in writing is2g i’m a very sparse writer but it has to gIVE something. this book did not DO that ) and it was super confused on which play to follow like we were in macbeth and then hamlet ... othello ??? maybe was mentioned ... and then midsummer and back and forth i think julius caesar showed up? i don’t fuckin remember ANYWAY ...but i feel like it rly suffered from that bc if it had ONE to follow then . it would like build suspense bc we know the end of macbeth ... we know hamlet dies, we know tragedy — but this book was like: angry sex bc we’re both in love w the same guy and we’RE FUCKIN PISSED OFF ABT IT but we’re not gunna tell him we’re just gunna fUCK. idr what shakespeare play that was .... if ur a nerd, please tell me.

 but it didn’t know which theme to follow. which tragedy, which hero, which identity to choose because it wanted to be SHAKESPEARE! which ok but shakespeare did a lot of shit, u can pick one but no ... shakespeare ... no identity, only shakespeare. and i feel like that just ... took so much out of it bc u could explore people so beautifully, contrasting them against the tragedy of a well known character and their own tragedy as their life begins to echo a play and they know the ending and there’s nothing able to save them bc that’s HOW the play ends and thus their life and the tragedy of that ... it was just! a missed opportunity bc u can DO SO MUCH w shakespeare!!!! and i will never forgive it 

and then the thing that really pissed me off was the gay subtext ... now, remember, i went into this not knowing there was supposed to be a gay romance so i absolutely read it as subtext!! bc there was nothing! NOTHING ! we see a ~budding~ if you FUCKING squint romance by the barest qualification of it and then we’re told that hey one of the gays is dead and THAT’S ALWAYS FUN TO READ! :) ... and then it’s like “oh no wait, he ends up w Sexey Lady” so maybe i’m reading it wrong and he’s supposed to be in love with her??? but there was nothing to show that he was in love w anyone!!! AT ALL bc !!! bc oliver? is the worst protagonist we could have gotten!! boy doesn’t know shit about fuck! 

it was super confusing and then at the end it’s like “go oliver he’s alive he’s Waiting for you your gAY LovE WIll FINaLLy Be REalizED” and then the book fuckin ends and we get literally nothing!!!! there was no development, there was no active sense of pining, there was the constant thought that the gay coded character who was bullied by Evil Bad Guy IS DEAD throughout most of the book, and oliver ??? is the one he liked?? this bland sheet of paper?? this sharpie smiley face on a t-shirt? this is supposed to be ur epic love??? .. . .. okay.gif ... 

overall, it promised me a tragic portrayal and disintegration of a friend group that studied shakespeare, which, in turn, promises comparisons of epic tragedies like hamlet, macbeth, othello and more with complex characters and a translation of those tragedies into a modern world, but instead just was fuckin a waste of potential. i read this book like 3? years ago? i’M STILL ANGRY ABOUT IT 

and that’s that on that! 

[halcyonmusings]

eris x teague for the ship ask, please 💕👽

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

Teague gets invited to the Golden Gato by other overseers which LOL but Teague wanted to fit in and not give away anything of his ulterior motives. He literally chose Eris because he thought she was the prettiest girl.

What was their first impression of each other?

Eris was taken aback at an overseer being at the Gato and she thought he looked bored/mildly uncomfortable while he was being pressured into picking a girl. Then when she took him to her room he stayed several feet away from her and didn’t attempt to make any moves on her which she weirdly liked lmao. Teague like I mentioned just thought she was very pretty but beyond that he didn’t think much of her and didn’t really want to talk to her at first until he made small talk with her and thought she was clever/funny.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

No one really knew.. I mean the girls at the cat had inklings but they didn’t talk about it. They did tease Teague when he’d visit by saying “Let me guess, you’re here for Eris? ;)” Other than that no one had expressed for them to not be together. 

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Eris.... dumb hoe. It happened after Teague had been taken to his bdsm trap at the square but of course Eris didn’t know that. When he returned after he’d been rescued, she Knew that there was something more because if it had been anyone else she wouldn’t have cared if they came back, but with Teague, she’d been relieved to see that he returned to her, so from there her feelings for him grew.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Eris did mainly due to her not wanting to get close to any of her clients. Teague just buried the feelings deep down knowing there couldn’t be anything more between them.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Teague would ignore it, Eris would believe it.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Teague did, but it was kinda funny the way he asked. Mainly due to her being a courtesan, so she did have clients... but he was like “Could you.. ask for clients that don’t sleep with you?” and was like “That’s how I get paid....?” so she had to get clients who asked for massages or like footjobs idk it was pretty funny though

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

They can’t really date, but he did take her out once on a walk around the Cat.. nothing eventful lmao but Eris had a nice time getting to be out of the cat and have a conversation with Teague with their clothes on, so.

What was their first kiss like?

Eris kissed Teague when they first met. He’d been acting standoffish with her and she kept getting close to him and asked him if he’d ever been with a courtesan before. He told her no and that he had no interest. She was gonna give him a kiss on the cheek but when he’d seen her coming close to her he was going to ask what she was doing, but the movement of turning to see her made her kiss him on the lips but she went all in. Teague got a boner from it and ran off rhfkjlfjflf

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

I’d say this was Teague’s first relationship where he genuinely cared for his partner and fell deeply in love with.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Eris is 5′8″ and... I’m not sure how tall Teague is... I’ll say 5′11″, so there’s not much of a height difference there. I wanna say Teague’s in his late 30s - early 40s... Eris is 27 or 28 when dh happens so.... go grandpa ig........

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

They never met each other’s families, except for Teague meeting Clara, but they both like each other.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Teague.......... Eris loses her temper very quickly and she’s not very social. Teague’s the charmer who gets everyone’s attention if he wants it.

Who gets jealous easier?

TEAGUE HJFKLGHJGKLG he tries not to be, but he’ll see someone flirting with Eris or he’ll hear her laugh and he’ll be like >:( HMPH and be passive aggressive towards her when they’re together.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

Eris... she did write it in a letter to him, but when he came to get her, she asked him if he read her letter. He told her no, so she got mad and then just told him right there.

What are their primary love languages?

Just knowing each other’s routines, what ticks the other off, remembering what the other likes.. for example Eris will make him food and be like “I remembered you mentioning you liking this before, so I made it for you.”

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

In the beginning, they wouldn’t be affectionate in public, but once they’re living in Karnaca they’re almost always holding hands or he’ll kiss her at random times when they’re out for their walks around the docks.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Cooking, slow dancing, Teague reading while Eris plays the piano.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

Teague. When she’s upset, he’ll let her vent about her problems, listen to her, sometimes offer advice. Rarer times when she cries, he’ll stay at her side and not leave.

Who’s more protective?

Teague. When he becomes high overseer, he sends a few guards to keep an eye on her and report to him if anyone tries anything on her.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical.... Eris is a hoe for it.. literally eheheuheuehueheuhe but yeah, she likes to kiss or be kissed, to be held, holding hands, all that stuff. After meeting Eris, Teague’s become a fan of physical affection, the man cannot get enough of it.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

cinnamon girl by ldr, always forever by the cults, cocoa hooves by glass animals

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Eris likes to call Teague “darling” and Teague calls her “my love” every so often 🤮

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

Teague proposes. He says it when he comes back for her after the lighthouse event. He rushes in to the cat to see her and he’s like “come with me, let’s get out of dunwall, we’ll get married, have children, grow old and forget about this place” and Eris is like “You wanna marry me? :’)” idiot!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

It’s a private wedding tbh. Clara and Mateo are there though.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

They do have two kids, but one is from a previous relationship, so technically they’ve got one together. Funny enough Mateo acts more like Teague. Mateo and Callum are four years apart but they’re really close and are always found together. Mateo uses his charm to get out of trouble, while Callum is a little more chaotic, but at the end of the day he’s a mama’s boy :^)

Do they have any pets?

No.. but Mateo and Callum find a hound  who they name “Lux” and sneak out to feed him late at night. Teague knows about it, but he doesn’t tell Eris.

Who’s the stricter parent?

Eris, but she’s not that strict. Teague’s just a little more lax when it comes to either of the boys misbehaving unlike Eris, but she hates getting after them. Callum fortunately listens to her and doesn’t like to upset her. Though he and Mateo know to go to Teague when they want to get away with something.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Teague, but if he’s not around, she’ll do it. Sometimes she’ll get Callum to do it for her.

How do they celebrate holidays?

Eris likes to go big, she’ll decorate their house very extravagantly. does that universe have holidays? maybe... idr i know there’s the fugue feast but you know.................. yeah. w/e they celebrate whatever holidays there are.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Eris. Teague is always up earlier than she is, but she’ll reach around to find him in bed and when she doesn’t she’ll get up to look for him and be like “come back to bed :(” and 9 times out of 10, he will.

Who’s the better cook?

Eris, but she doesn’t like to cook unless he or the boys help her out.