#Incorrect Helluva Boss Quotes

[helluvahusker]

Verosika: Welcome to the Fuck Blitzø club where we all talk about how much we hate Blitzø

Stolas: *getting up* terribly sorry I thought-

Verosika: and about how we want to fuck him.

Stolas: *sits back down*

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Blitzø: I think Stolas is actually in love with me.

Fizzarolli: Congratulations, you're the last to know.

[weirdkev27]

Millie: Let me get this straight.

Moxxie: More like let me run this bi you.

Blitzo: Let’s pan things out.

Octavia: Let me ace-ess the situation.

Stolas: I’m gay.

[lifea16]

Stolas: Who are you and what have you done to Blitz?!

Blitz: Character development! =D

[niiwa-angel]

Satan when he first got assigned Yogirt.

Satan: my week? None of your business!

Satan six months later, kicking open Yogirts door with a cowboy hat on his head and Starbucks in his hand.

Satan: Girt, you are not going to believe what Lucifer said at the Sins meeting!

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Stolas: Blitz, I'm in love with you. Madly, deeply, irredeemably in romantic love with you. I dream about holding you in my arms as we fall asleep together. I fantasize about marrying you in the moonlight. I want us to grow old together. To raise our daughters together. To make this house a home together. I believe you are my soulmate and I hope to spend the rest of my immortal life devoted to the art of being yours.

Blitz: ... wow, I get it, Stolas, you want me to fuck you tonight. I'm a glorified vibrator to you. Christ on a stick, you're such a thirsty bitch.

[knightinink]

[radvelvetcakez]

Stolas: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Blitzo: It was autocorrect. Stolas: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Blitzo: Yes.

[this-hazbin-quoted]

Velvette: If a beautiful woman disagrees with me I will immediately change my views. I have no principles.

Verosika: Well maybe you should have principles.

Velvette: You're right maybe I should!

[laz-kay]

Blitzø: Love isn't real.

Moxxie: You're literally making a

Valentine's Day card for Stolas right now.

Blitzø, threatening him with a glue gun: You're on thin fucking ice.

[helluvahusker]

Paimon: My son (I forget his name) has grown up to be a fine regular prince thanks to my fantastic daddying

Blitzø: Your son calls ME daddy now

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Blitzø: I just ended an 18 year relationship. Moxxie: Oh, I’m so sorry Sir. Millie: Are you okay Blitz? Blitzø: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship. *Stolas and Stella are heard fighting in the background*

[weirdkev27]

Millie: Sooo, big news, we’ve been trying for a baby recently!!

Blitzo: That’s awesome, dudes! You know we also haven’t been pulling out recently!!

Moxxie:….

Millie:….

Blitzo: Oh, I see. So it’s only a celebration when you people do it.

Stolas:*groans*

[lifea16]

Blitz, sweating: Stols, there’s something I need to ask you- Stolas: Finally! You’re proposing! Blitz: ..How’d you know? Stolas: Blitz, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner. Stolas: I even picked it up once.

[oceansarepink]

Stolas: Octaviaaa!

Via: dad what the hell? Is this seriously happening? Why are you here?

Stolas: you knew what you were doing when you liked your mother’s sInstagram post on the beach with her friends!! You KNOW how hard it is for me to make friends because of my enormous brilliant mind and my romantic, generous heart!!

Via: It was a good picture!

Stolas: Every month you get five likes on my sInstagram account, and five on your mothers account, you heard what judge vagina mandated!

Frat boy: Hey man sorry to interrupt, are you stolas Goetia? Wow. Great to meet you, just wanted to say, you got majorly screwed over by those damn fire toads.

Stolas: Yeah?

Frat boy: Yeah dude! Your knight dumping you in public like that for being “used” by you? He must have been brainwashed by commies! You were just fulfilling your needs. Parrot boy was giving you the eye. And word on the street is, that mouthy imp liked being your toy, hes just too mental to admit it. Filthy labourers, can’t see real honest love when it’s right in front of em. Only transactions and meal tickets. It’s not your fault. Not to mention your harpy wife and spoiled brat daughter, they totally deserved to be taught a lesson. Blue blood doesn’t have to mean blue balls right?

Stolas: Erm…

Frat boy: Nowadays society is all “consent this, monarchy that, hierarchy is bad, imps deserve rights” Pfft. Try taking that up with the people who BUILT our society. We should be THANKING the Goetia. It’s not like you asked to be born a man, gay, and whi—uh I mean, and a prince of the Goetia. Real imps like to serve, it’s what they were made for!

Stolas: Finally, someone with sense! Blitzy kept whining about getting “looked down on”, like im this prince who thinks he’s superior. Honestly he was starting to sound like some type of socialist or-or violent abolitionist lunatic. Well, strike me down just for knowing basic biology and the natural order. Would I fuck imps if I was racist? No. I don’t even know where all this talk of me being “racist” comes from, im literally gay!

Octavia: Dad you’re ruining my fucking life!

Dialogue from Bojack horseman: Horny Unicorn

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

(Stolas voice) "Blitzy, I need your assistance. You're better with modern technology than I am. How do I hack into this 'weekeepeedeeuh?' I need to change what it says about me. This is the third time this month I've been summoned to the human realm to watch the mortals commit their little killings in my name and beg to serve me. I'm going to throttle whoever told the mortals that's what I like! I need to change the weekeepeedeeuh to tell them that I like cake and wine and have no interest in taking submissives. ... Why are you laughing, Blitz? This is very important. I have no interest in being anyone's dominant and the blood stains are very difficult to get out of my robe! Show me how to hack the weekeepeedeeuh, Blitz. Blitzy???"