#Iratus bugs

[gatesnladders]

So here's a fun thing.

Did you know that Iratus bugs aren't insects? Also not bugs, except in colloquial use, because bugs are insects with piercing, sucking mouthparts. And while they have the mouthparts, they are not insects, so also not bugs.

See, insects specifically have six legs and antennae, as well as a body divided into three segments. Iratus bugs have the body, but no antennas and only two pairs of legs. Which makes them arthropods, but not insects.

Given their particular feeding habits and bite, I'd say they're probably a specialized chelicerate. As a sub- order of arthropods, chelicerates are signified by the moving mouthparts, the chelicerae, and tend to use enzymes for feeding, to turn their prey into slurry.

Given the Wraith enzyme being a feeding aid, it makes sense. At least somewhat.

This would make the Iratus bugs, and by association also the Wraith, closer related to spiders and horseshoe crabs than to insects.

Or, you know, the designers just messed up and didn't realise that their design wasn't an insect. Also entirely possible, given that the Iratus bugs do appear to have elytra, which are not present in chelicerates.

[sga-mcshep-4ever]

"Major, we're cut off from the jumper!" "Negative. I see one at your 3:00, I drew the other two this way." "They're all around us. Where'd they come from?" "Lieutenant, you know how they can make you see things that aren't there. The path in front of you is clear. Now move!"

[lightthewaybackhome]

Conversion (S2: E8)

In which Sheppard's absolute loathing of the Iratus Bug is fully confirmed in every way.

In which Sheppard recognizes he's a danger and relies on his team. Trust building after trust erosion.

Each time I see it, the kiss with Teyla gets more uncomfortable because it's so out of character for Sheppard. (Some soul ripping there.)

I love Lorne: Sheppard would do this for any of us, so we're doing it for him.

I love that Sheppard doesn't freak out with superpowers, but when he starts losing his self-control. That's when he puts himself in lockdown. Then he doubles his detail. He is acutely aware of the fact that he's the biggest danger to his people because he's turning into a monster, a powerful monster.

(On some level, it's like he never quite loses this image of himself.)

My favorite, though, is McKay, Ronon, and Teyla sitting together when they think he's dying and asking permission to stay when he starts to heal.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 1

I've thought about where I would have placed 38 Minutes (S01E04) that seemed to fit ill so early in the season, and I think it would have made the most sense between the mid-season two-parter and The Defiant One (S01E12), discussed here.

The Genii siege visibly changes something between Sheppard and McKay, and we get to resolve that a little too fast in this episode that follows directly after. 38 Minutes has that strange almost-confession to Weir,* which would have made more sense here as Weir and Sheppard seem to grow closer at the end of The Eye (S01E11) although, I argue, it is precisely because Sheppard needed to create distance between himself and McKay that they did. He was using Weir to create distance, in effect hiding behind her, because Kolya figured out after like a minute of talking to Sheppard that McKay was the best way of getting to him. Sheppard was reminded of the fact that being important to him put McKay in mortal danger.

In 38 Minutes, we also have Sheppard's own near death experience and everyone working so very hard to save him, McKay worrying so much about him, the way that they look at each other, that something unspoken lingering between them, McKay's agitation over what ever Sheppard wanted to tell Weir; all of that would have made sense between these two episodes. The Iratus bug could have symbolized Sheppard's internal anguish: the way he's in agony at first and then the pain gets so bad that he gets numb and loses all feeling. It all would have made so much sense.

But regardless, we start the episode with a driving flying lesson (which, incidentally, also would have made the most sense following the events where both Sheppard and the other designated pilot were incapacitated at the same time). McKay received the ATA gene therapy and Sheppard is teaching him how to fly the puddle jumper. Where the previous episode ended with Sheppard very clearly wanting to create distance between them, here they are all cozy with each other again. Or s it seems.

Clearly, this is important. As mentioned previously, they need more pilots since there are few people with the ATA gene (two that we know have the real gene, a few others through gene therapy), and only a fraction of them know how to fly. It's important not only for the mission and taking the pressure off the commander having to do transport flights, it's also important for the team to have another person capable of doing it. And apparently neither Teyla nor Ford are able to do it (toward the end of the episode, they have a random soldier having to fly them over) which makes McKay not only the best choice but also the only one.

So whether he wanted to or not, what ever he was feeling inside, teaching Rodney how to fly the jumper was something that needed to be done. And here we are.

What Sheppard says is very interesting.

Granted, we don't know anything about his background at this point, often the way people talk to others reveals a lot about how they've been talked to in the past. It indicates that when ever he did something wrong as a child, he was corrected by snapping at him. My guy, you're in space. What could possibly happen if he lets go of the controls? You're going to veer off and crash into some more space?

It's also notable that he uses 'parents' instead of 'dad' or 'father' (both being that he is a guy and as dads are much more likely to be the one teaching kids how to drive; also, he himself was clearly taught by a driving instructor but teaching your kids how to drive is actually pretty common, it's a loving thing to do, and parents are supposed to be teaching their kids even in the case that they have an instructor, as kids learn by watching their parents whether they want it or not). So, you know. He has a mysterious past and a sad childhood, looks like.

Granted, McKay also seems to have had a pretty crappy childhood and, what's worse, seems to think it was all completely normal. We hear him reveal all manner of child abuse casually, here and there. It seems that they both were lonely and sad but for different reasons. McKay's immediate gut response "Snapping doesn't help!" is likewise telling, indicates that there was a lot of pressure put on him from a very young age.

Sheppard's use of the word 'parent' also creates distance between him and one or both of his parents. This man has been court-martialed, he has clearly been traumatized by something. He does not think he has anyone waiting for him back on earth. We know at this point that several people he served with have died, and that he blames himself for every one of these deaths. And he's not good at dealing with emotions, especially difficult ones. He says as much in Sateda (S03E04):

Sheppard: Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh... Actually, I'm... I'm terrible at expressing... I don't know what you'd call it, uh... Teyla: Feelings? Sheppard: Yeah, sure,

He is terrible at expressing feelings. He especially has trouble verbalizing them.

When he is feeling difficult emotions, he uses self-soothing techniques (see the lip thing). One of these self-soothing techniques is creating distance between himself and the object of his emotion. So, instead of father he says parent (mom+dad) because he essentially uses the less significant, less painful thing (mom) to conceal the more significant, more painful thing (dad). Using the less significant object to create distance to the more difficult object forms like a barrier between him and an emotion he does not want to or can't face or deal with just then. Just like, in the previous episode, he used "Weir and McKay" instead of McKay. He was using the less significant, less important thing to mask the more significant, more important thing. It lessens the impact of the emotion attached to it. We see him do this a lot especially in connection to Rodney ("Even Rodney"). Again and again and again.

You can see him do the self-soothing lip thing before engaging McKay (like he's not sure he should say anything, like he wants to not have to say anything; he just can't help himself when it comes to this man):

Here, he is creating distance between himself and one or even both of his parents (and let's face it, it's probably the dad) but he's also, at the same time, creating distance between himself and McKay both by using the passive voice and lumping McKay into the category of kids. See previous episode as to why he desperately needs this distance between them.

But what he is actually saying here is that he is emotionally too close to McKay to be able to be an effective instructor to him. That's what he is saying. He's emotionally compromised. Now, whether you think his feelings are fatherly (he does not look at McKay the way a father looks at a son), friendly (he does not look at McKay the way a friend looks at a friend), collegial (he does not look at McKay the way he looks at Ford and Teyla), or whether you believe he thinks of himself as McKay's second uncle third removed, this is what he's saying in the scene. That he's too close to McKay to be able to teach him. He feels that he is too close to McKay.

It's possible that the whole reason as to why he's teaching McKay how to navigate the jumper is that it would allow him not to have to accompany him on these kinds of missions, harmless and scientific. If McKay knows how to fly a jumper, they would be able to spend less time together. Spending less time together would mean less emotion, would mean less pain, less of a chance for him to get McKay hurt or killed. This is foolish to think, of course, since absence has a tendency of making the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. But we saw him start creating this distance between them at the end of The Eye (S1E10) and this is on par, is a logical continuation of that.

Humour, as it turns out, is another way of creating distance and coping with difficult emotions.

We are again reminded of the fact that McKay does not know not to keep it straight. Sheppard can do it in the air but not on land.

So, the thing is. As much as Sheppard wants to create distance between them, Mckay wants the opposite. He wants to connect with the Major. He's not making it easy for Sheppard. In this, he is defying him.

McKay tells Sheppard that he's touched by his sentiment. Keeps glancing at him. He refers to the puddle jumper, for all intents and purposes Sheppard's puddle jumper, as baby. He wants to see what this baby can do. Baby is a term of affection used most often by men to indicate that they see something or someone as soft and beautiful and needing to be taken care of in a gentle way. There is definitely something flirty in McKay using this term for Sheppard's puddle jumper.

But then Sheppard picks this up from McKay and also calls the jumper baby (yes, he's amused by the way McKay said it and ribbing on him, but picking up vocabulary from the object of your affection is yet another classic sign of attraction). They are taking care of the baby together. Parents, kids, babies. Freud probably would have a lot to say about the things they say and their subconscious desires.

Freud might also have something to say about Sheppard's fear that McKay is going to "snap the damn things off" if he doesn't ease up his grip on the control stick. But he doesn't want McKay to take his hands off them, either. He's instructing McKay on exactly how it likes to be held.

(We are also reminded of subconscious desires by the control display popping up, seeing how the puddle jumpers respond to Sheppard's mind; his desires.)

They are accompanied on the mission by two red shirts, random scientists we have never seen before but who we are to believe have worked with McKay previously and know him pretty well.

So, maybe it's because of the intense, borderline erotic look of concentration on McKay's face or his tone of voice, or what ever, Sheppard seems to start gravitating toward McKay. Even in front of two people he barely knows that work for the other man. Here, he turns back to look at Dr. Gaul, clearly amused by how different this scientist is from his scientist, but what he's doing at the same time is lean closer to Rodney:

He looks... turned on, frankly. And he sure as hell is not turned on by Dr. Gaul, sweating though he may be. The reason that he turned back to look at the nauseous scientist behind him might actually have been just to look away from the sex faces McKay is making while he's concentrating real hard.

Then he leans in even closer, to whisper conspiratorially to McKay. And McKay, well. He leans in, as well.

Sheppard: Why'd you choose this guy for the mission? McKay: Brendan's the one who discovered the Lagrange Point satellite was out here. Elizabeth felt he should see it for himself. Sheppard: Don't let go of the controls!

Sheppard snaps in a sudden jolt of panic. And it may not be McKay letting go of the controls that made him do it. It's that he mentioned Elizabeth, reminding him of why he needed to not be that close to Rodney. Just like McKay used Elizabeth's name (yelping "Elizabeth!" in near panic) when Sheppard was getting too close to him in his lab in The Storm (S01E09). They both seem to be using Weir as a... weir between them.

And again, as he will many, many times in the future, Sheppard needs to be touching something, needs to have his hands pressed against something, when he's near McKay:

Then they arrive at their destination and switch seats. They move seamlessly together, Sheppard needs only to mention his name and McKay does exactly what he wants, and is only too happy to oblige. We've seen this happen in movies between a man and a woman. It has never not been erotic (underlined by McKay's line "This thing is enormous!"):

Here, it's McKay that keeps glancing back and back at Sheppard as they're approaching the humongous ancient weapons platform. A weapons platform that should be a pretty interesting thing to look at, all things considered. But his eyes keep on being drawn back to Sheppard who, it should be noted, is wearing only a t-shirt.

Sheppard is trying not to look at McKay, catches himself several times before he does. He's not allowing himself to do it. That's until they come upon the wraith distress call from the planet below.

They look at each other. They communicate in words but they also communicate with their eyes. Suddenly, they are one mind again.

Continued in Pt. 2 (NB this episode focuses entirely on Sheppard and McKay so this is in 10 parts)

.* Actually Weir's whole "I didn't think so!" schtick would have made sense if it was about her knowing that Sheppard had been using her to create distance between himself and Rodney. Like she was telling him that she knows the half-hearted flirty smiles at the end of The Eye weren't really about her (same with the nurse right then) but were an attempt to build a defensive barrier between himself and the thought of losing someone important to him again. Because she knows.

Also, we would just have had a similar confession from Rodney where he was trying real hard to tell something to Weir and she wouldn't let him finish. Those almost confessions would mirror each other.

McKay: If this doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm just saying, if it doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm sure it will, but in the unlikely event that it doesn't, I... Weir: Rodney! Please.

---

Sheppard: Listen, uh, I'd like to say something while I still can. Weir: Don't! You're gonna get through this. Sheppard: If I was ... he wouldn't have let me go. Weir: Who wouldn't have let you go? Sheppard: The Wraith.

Sheppard: What I wanted to say was ... Weir: Save your strength, John, and tell me in person. Sheppard: This is important. Weir: I'm listening.

[the-mushroom-faerie]

thanks to my platonic wife @sga-owns-my-soul for telling me that I'm right and I should say it louder.

seriously like 80% of the problems in multiple galaxies are the Ancients' fault. they put humans on the iratus bug planet and made the wraith. they put humans on the goa'uld planet and made the goa'uld. they fucked up raising the replicators and made them vengeful and aggressive. they didn't take care of the handful of zealots now we're dealing with the ori. I didn't get through sgu but they probably caused problems in that galaxy. fuck the Ancients the only good things they did was the stargate system and building Atlantis

and we took over those. those are ours now. and we're using those tools better than the Ancients ever did.

[massharp1971]

I'm having MORE thinky thoughts about Stargate Atlantis...

So, the abiding images of our hero are for me as follows:

John Sheppard laying back in the control chair

John Sheppard on his knees before any number of villains/monsters

John Sheppard lying still with an iratus bug feeding on him

John Sheppard in a collar

John Sheppard in restraints...

It strikes me as astonishing how often John is in a passive role rather than the usual action hero role. He is frequently the hapless fool the Pegasus Galaxy happens to. Even his presence on the mission is due to accidental genetics rather than merits or deeds.

And sometimes/often we see him in a more passive role next to his team members too - Teyla bringing him to his knees, McKay being the one that saves the day, Ronon being the one who gets to be the tough guy and wave his big gun around.

Not to mention how he is around the women who want him. Hardly a go-getter.

Even his character arc is; causes untold amounts of death and destruction by accidentally picking up some jewellery, tortures self, gets stuck emotionally and narratively, ends up alone. And his heroics are aften of the self-sacrificial kind - we rarely see him overcoming anything.

I can't help wondering why they wrote him that way and whether it was fully conscious but I'm so glad they did because he is nothing like a male lead is supposed to be and so much more fun to play with as a character, in all kinds of ways, because of that.

But also I find it slightly confounding that a character like him exists and I don't really understand what they were going for - thoughts?

[cherish--these--times]

VERY LONG POST ALERT

I've been doing a SGA rewatch. Seeing John and Teyla in a new light and wanted to spread the love and share some thoughts! Bear with me on that one. They might be more to come.

-

I think The Legacy Series very cleverly exploited what had been established by the end of season 5. If we consider the Fandemonium books canon (Stargate Wiki certainly does) then John and Teyla are openly in love and in a committed relationship. The first couple of books reveal that Teyla had harboured feelings for him for a long time but believed he didn't see her in that way. Concept best illustrated by this scene, I believe. When Teyla offers a comfy thigh for his sleepy head and he doesn't say so much as a thank you and she looks discomfited to say the least.

And whether this was scripted or simply an acting choice on Rachel Luttrell's part, this look signifies a lot in an episode mentioning a man she has feelings for who has yet to make a move.

As stated in the books, following the deaths of Carson, Elizabeth and Kate, she sought comfort where she could find it, which was in the arms of a fellow Athosian whom she knew since childhood and who had the Gift as well. She tried to move on with her life with someone she trusted and loved. And it makes sense. Rachel Luttrell loved that about this storyline and I agree with her.

Truth be told, not much is happening regarding John and Teyla in the first three seasons, especially after season 1. John puts on the charm on her when they first meet the same way he does with every pretty girl they encounter on a mission, which clearly indicates that he finds her attractive. And she is INTO IT. Instantly. Her little smile and Colonel Sumner's raised eyebrow and barely concealed amusement LOL... The only moment of levity on his part regarding Sheppard...

You can glimpse that she might be falling for him right there and then. And the necklace scene.. Uuggghh the sexual tension there hehe.

John trusts her implicitly and immediately, it's beautiful to see. I love when he defends her against Bates when she's suspected to be a double agent for the Wraith. And he has little to show for it apart from the fact that he just really likes her and knows that she's a kind hearted person. It's not based on anything factual. Bates was absolutely right about that. And John losing his shit with him because he is well aware of that is delightful. He doesn't know why, yet, but he already adores her and will defend her honour to Earth and back (and that's a long way alright!). Same when she learns she has Wraith DNA and Bates once again suspects the worst. Teyla struggles to fit in and John is her anchor, for sure. Equally, I love when she volunteers to go through the gate with him when he has the iratus bug on his neck. She wants to do it straight away. Knowing she might not come back on the other side. She is already willing to do anything for him at the expense of her life and they've only known each other a few weeks by that point.

But after that first season... Nothing. Teyla finds an ally in Ronon as they both share the burden of not being from Earth and therefore being outsiders, to some extent. He takes John's place by her side and I am digging their friendship so hard it's unreal. Far more than I used to, actually. Ronon loves her so much it's so endearing. She is too reserved to show it in the same way but it's honestly so cute.

Regarding John, sure there is the Conversion episode. And to me it confirms what we already knew which is that John is attracted to Teyla and the virus lowered his inhibitions to the point that he just went and did what he probably thought about doing a handful of times. And the "He cares for you more than you know" body possession thing in The Long Goodbye is a clever way of insinuating that John has deeper feelings for her than he is letting on. Without truly committing to anything. And deeper feelings I believe he had from day one. That's how I had interpreted it. I just didn't think the writers were gonna do anything substantial about it.

And sure enough, John's relationship with her changes from season 2 onwards. It's subtle but you can feel that they have drifted apart, somewhat. Or perhaps things have now settled and John doesn't need to be so protective of her and her place on his team anymore. One thing I did notice is that Teyla is always annoyed when John flirts with other women. The camera is never focused on her specifically but you can see her doing a massive eye roll or else just staring at the back of his head everytime. Or sharing a look with Ronon. Sometimes all three LOL

I guess we can give season 3's episode The Ark an honourable mention for shippy content (and Sunday, more on that soon). When John is ready to die for her by landing the shuttle on the planet, even if Rodney deems it impossible. But that's just John for ya. He did the same for Elizabeth in The Real World. And Jennifer in The Seed. And for other people and Atlantis at large on too many occasions to count.

What the Remnants episode and subsequently the books did beautifully was to establish one paramount fact about John Sheppard. He considers himself a marked man whose impending death will be fate's retribution for his failure in Afghanistan. It was the defining moment of his character, I think. Every time he survives, it's just delaying the inevitable. And so risking his life trying to protect his team and Atlantis feels like fair dues. What else does he have to live for?

But then... Season 4 happened. And it is rather magnificent, in my humble opinion. I'm quite certain John is the one Teyla speaks of to her friend in Sunday. A man who is oblivious to her feelings for him. Very interestingly, that conversation about this mystery man happens at the exact same time Ronon is telling John that he always thought he and Teyla would hook up (Hurrah for Ronon, our biggest Sheyla supporter out there LOL). We know this because the explosion happens in both places shortly after. That, from a storytelling point of view, could not be more on the nose.

And so... in my view, Teyla got tired of pining. John wanted to spend time with her, risked his life saving her, freaked out when she was harmed but still, he did nothing. She was grieving. Kanaan was there. She knew and loved him. It made sense.

One thing I'm mad about is that, because the writers had to justify Rachel's pregnancy, they committed the ultimate sin: exposing Teyla's relationship with Kanaan to us rather than showing it. We had to make do with multiple characters saying something like "Oh the father is Kanaan, right? I noticed the way you spoke about him." KILL ME NOW.

Nothing is more off putting than forcing the audience to accept that something exists by telling them rather than giving them ON SCREEN evidence so they can buy it (looking at you, Ted Lasso). I mean... I would have probably hated the guy anyway (I am a shipper after all), but I don't know enough about him to have an opinion LOL. I only now understand Kanaan and his history with Teyla thanks to the books but it's certainly no thanks to the show.

Yet, it demonstrated one thing. The writers didn't care much about Kanaan. It was all about John and his feelings instead. They presented Kanaan as a fait accompli without doing any of the legwork to solidify their bond aside from some lukewarm scenes that defines them as nothing more than affectionate past lovers.

Instead, perhaps for the first time ever in the show, John gets emotional. Several times. And it's all to do with Teyla, let it be before or after the birth of Torren. More on that later.

I love this quote from the Outcast episode, when he goes back to Earth for his dad's funeral. I can't think of a better scene to encapsulate John's character:

SHEPPARD Well, maybe you meant something to him, too. You never know what people are thinking.

AVA Even those you're closest to?

SHEPPARD Especially those.

This is referring to his father who, to John's surprise, regretted the way things had ended between them. But in truth, I think it applies to John himself as well. That's Sheppard in a nutshell. Keeping his cards close to his chest and never letting the people he loves know how much they matter to him. They might be snatched away, or he might let them down, or he might die and cause them pain. This is post pregnancy-revelation by the way. Considering the context of the episode, this again clearly referres to his family (namely dad, brother and ex-wife), but it also applies to himself, the way he treats his friends and perhaps, dare I say, the fact that he's too late and Teyla is no longer free.

I believe we witnessed something rather fascinating on the writers' part once the decision had been made to make an unknown man be the father of Teyla's child (and rumour has it John has once been the main candidate). They could have dropped the John/Teyla ball right there and then. They in fact had, as far as I was concerned, except for the small hints in The Ark and Sunday mentioned above. But then they picked it up again in a way that leads me to believe they actually wanted to keep the ball.

(Sidenote: This has been proven true because it was planned that John and Teyla would get together in the movie following the end of season 5. As stated here by executive producer Joe Mallozzi. I discovered this after writing this post).

They had the perfect opportunity to have Teyla and Kanaan drive off into the sunset (I know they don't have a car... you get my point LOL) and leave it there but... No. They wanted to keep the romantic tension alive. Which is fantastic to me.

First little clue that feels different is that when they encounter Larrin again and John swiftly enters prince charming mode, the camera purposely shows Teyla's reaction. Which never happened before. This feels very deliberate. And for the first time she doesn't look mildly annoyed but simply... resigned.

It fits nicely with the narrative that she thinks John simply does not reciprocate her feelings. Consider that this is an odd directing choice to make when the writers have already told us she is pregnant with another man's child (though John does not know it yet by that point, which is important to note). To me, they clearly wanted to show that she still has feelings for him but probably thinks she made the right call by deciding to try and move on.

Now. To the main subject... Following Teyla's pregnancy revelation, it appears that John, probably against his will, caught (shudders) emotions.

In a predictable and intrinsically human move (if slightly infuriating), he kinda loses it the moment he learns Teyla is not only seeing someone, but has also conceived child with another man. Now, I know what you're thinking. I am reading too much into it with my shipper goggles on. Well, first of all, no because he loves her that's canon.

Secondly, he shows a level of anger and disquiet that we rarely get to see. He is still John Sheppard and is SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE with anything to do with feelings. But it's undeniable that he is shaken and rattled by the announcement of Teyla's pregnancy. In a way that immediately feels personal. Like not much else ever has on the show. Bear in mind, her people are missing. She is expecting a baby. This is good news and he should be over the moon for her. A glimmer of hope in an otherwise very bleak and gloomy time. But no.

The man is aaaaangry. One could argue that he is just upset because she's under his command and she hid something that could very well jeopardise their missions... That's very true, too (though she makes a point of saying Athosian women remain very active up until the birth of their child). But nobody else cares about that. Not even Sam, who would be well within her right to give Teyla an earful about this. She hid it from everyone but only he reacts so badly. Ronon could have been upset too! He is perhaps a closer friend to her by that point, yet he doesn't feel betrayed by her dissimulation. In fact, he could not be more supportive. Everyone but John is super happy for her. Kudos to Lorne for giving her a hell of a pep talk. I love Lorne. What a guy.

They all trust Teyla and know she can look after herself. John of all people knows that more than anybody else! But this is different. He always respected her decisions but this, he cannot cope with... That's not a direction the writers would have taken had they truly wanted to sail that ship once and for all (see what I did there?).

What he is saying is:

"You put yourself, your child and the rest of the team in danger by hiding crucial information from me. NOT COOL!"

Based on what follows in the show and the books (and the never to be seen movie script), what he is actually saying is:

"You slept with someone and I didn't even know about it and had I known I would have taken my head out of my ass sooner and now it's too late YOU'RE PREGNANT how could you do this to me?? Sure I flirt with every skirt in my vicinity, I give no evidence whatsoever that I love you except when I'm possessed by alien entities taking away my free will and therefore disclosing things I would rather keep buried as deep as Atlantis when we first found it. And I know you have a lot on your plate with your people missing and your child potentially being the last of them and whatnot but WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS TEYLA???"

I firmly believe that this is more than Teyla hiding the pregnancy and putting herself in harm's way. I have evidence of this because he loves her it's canon because in a couple of episodes later, in Quarantine, he is the one telling her that she will do more good as a mother by being on the field than by staying home.

And in season 5, in The Queen, she makes the decision to pose as a Wraith Queen and risk her life and John, though very concerned, supports her decision.

That and his faith in her ability to fend for herself since day one are proof, in my book, that his initial reaction was not entirely to do with worrying about her safety. Don't get me wrong, it partly is! And he is mad as hell because she put herself in danger and she's under his responsibility so if she and her child die, that's on him. He has every right to be pissed off. What strikes me though is not so much the reason for his anger but the fuel behind it. The immediacy of it. The "losing his cool in front of Ronon and in the middle of a corridor" type of shit. The inability to bottle things up the way he usually does. It's personal. He is affected in a way that's impossible to repress, which happens to be his coping mechanism of choice. Therefore all the more jarring when he fails to do it. And it's not the only time when it comes to Teyla and the daunting possibility that she might no longer be a part of his life the way she used to:

This scene is very interesting to me. Again with the "in a corridor and in public" thing. This time because he learnt that Teyla is considering leaving the team... And once again, he cannot contain his fury.

True, she has not been upfront about her intentions, probably because she feared his reaction... BOTH TIMES. Uhm...

Both times, she is going through the wringer and he lashes out because he doesn't know how to properly articulate that he is deeply, deeply affected. Teyla must have known this unconsciously because she chose to hide something from him twice. She knew that he would react badly. I think she knows that he is holding back on her and burying feelings. Women know these things. Teyla was a part of his world in a way that he thought was never going to change. But he was wrong. And facing that is unbearable for him, turns out. Considering that they get together in the books (or would have gotten together in the movie), his behaviour makes SO MUCH SENSE.

He's not always a dickhead though. In Quarantine he assures her that her boy will have a family no matter what. Even if she dies, they will look after him. And that is FREAKING AWESOME. He HATES talking about deep stuff. But he also knows she needs to hear from him, specifically, that she's an amazing warrior super mama who's not meant to stay home and change nappies and that they all will be there to look after mini-Teyla if anything happens.

It's unbelievably wholesome and further proof that John loves and understands her so so so so much. And the fact that when the baby kicks for the first time she takes his hand and he feels it...

And then climbs a fucking tower like a fucking prince when he senses that she's really starting to worry. He is already that kid's stepdad I tell ya. I know that Atlantis was emitting a signal that could attract baddies and that the city was vulnerable and he had to do it but the defining factor for his reckless Batman move was seeing Teyla distressed and you cannot convince me otherwise.

One thing that really struck me as well was that in the following episode, Harmony, two pretty women flirt openly with John and Rodney. The latter is hot and bothered whereas John is utterly unmoved. Which is a first. He is even the one who wants to cut this short and leave. Fascinating, right? The timing of this, to me, shows that John is not emotionally available in that moment. Not so soon after realising he lost his chance with Teyla. Sure, one of the women puts the charm on him times a hundred when she sees he's not keen on staying and she theatens to undo their alliance should he decline. And it works because John is still John and I'm under no illusion that he is immune to seduction. But it really dawned on me that yes... John is now aware of his feelings for Teyla. It becomes tangible, if subtle, because it's the MGM and they don't do shippy stuff.... Except for Rodney. Because Rodney is their favourite golden child LOL

That being said... it's still John Sheppard we're talking about. In season 5 he clearly wants to hook up with Larrin and then hangs out with sexy scientists because well..... Teyla is not impressed btw LOL

We can't really blame him. He thinks he missed his chance after all.

Now... Speaking of season 5...

I think it's fair to say that John Sheppard thought he would not die of old age. He was traumatised by Afghanistan (btw I think it's no coincidence Teyla was the only one who wasn't a threat to him in Phantoms, and appeared to him as someone he trusted and loved) and his failed marriage. By adding the otherwise utterly useless Dream Sequence between he and Teyla in Search and Rescue, it's clear to me the writers wanted to tell the audience John always had feelings for Teyla but had never allowed himself to go there because of the above. Also he perhaps had not realised the extent of those feelings. Until it was too late. Which is tragic. So I love, LOOOOOVE that they get together in the books. I love that he succumbs to his feelings for her and now has a partner and even a son to live for. Finally! Finally his existence is no longer about mere survival. It's what his character deserved all along. I love that she reminds him that he is a good man and adresses his fears head on. I love that he helps her embrace her Wraith heritage and her role as both a leader and a mother. I love that they lay kisses on each other's ugly parts. With nothing but mutual understanding, acceptance and love.

I love them your honour.

[this-man-is-my-friend]

They lose two men while looking for Iratus bug eggs to cure Sheppard of his bugism, which I would be sad about, if they hadn't been woefully unprepared

They literally live in a floating city SURROUNDED by sea water. And they take ONE container. And they don't even have a way to spray it, just splash it haphazardly.

They have a botany department now. They must have spraying equipment of some kind!

At the very least take several containers and have people completely flanking Beckett to splash the salt water around him.

Sorry guys, but you could have tried harder to not die

[trainofcommand]

SGA Fic: Seasonality (Todd/John Sheppard; Explicit; 400 words)

Summary: Deep down, John knows he could stop this. But he doesn't want to.

Notes: What if Wraith went into seasonal ruts and John and Todd met up for them? This is 100% the result of a chat with @chaos-monkeyy, @chaniis-atlantis and @colonelshepparrrrd about Wraith biology, the implications of seasonal rutting, the hidden effects of John's Iratus bug history, and other good stuff. Thank you :)

Snippet: Deep down, John knows he could stop this, could stop whatever fucked up biology is changing inside him, settling in a little more each time he and Todd meet for whatever this is. He could ignore Todd's call - hidden, coded, just for him and increasingly anticipated by something internal, an awareness that the time is coming, is closer, is now.

He could reply, "Screw you, Todd," and not show up, not make noises about needing some leave time before taking off, leaving Atlantis far behind, temporary but unequivocal.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Kiss prompts #20 john and jen 😏😎

sorry this took so long!! it's been a hectic few days but it's here!!

kiss prompts

20- On a scar

"I wish you didn't have to take risks like this," Jen said softly, her fingers delicately tracing the light pink scar tissue from John's most recent deadly feat of heroics.

"I know, but it's the job. Besides, I've got the best doctor in two galaxies to patch me up. I don't have anything to worry about," John said as he hugged her a little closer, wrapping his legs around hers.

"As much as I appreciate the compliment, I'd much prefer you stay out of my infirmary and OR."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Jennifer shifted slightly in his arms, and he moved his arm to give her more space. She moved down his body, stopping at his abdomen, as she kissed softly all around the fresh scar. It had been agony, but it was worth it to save Teyla- to save her baby. John sighed as Jennifer's lips moved across his stomach and up, stopping to kiss every scar along his body. She made it to his neck and kissed the scar from the Iratus Bug all those years ago. John shivered.

"I hate that I can't do more to keep you safe," Jen said softly, and John wrapped his arms around her again and kissed the top of her head.

"You do more than enough. This is more than enough. I'm just happy I get to be with you," John whispered back before rolling her over and kissing her deeply.

He had plans for their morning.

[nerdgatehobbit]

... I really want to call Elizabeth’s strong reaction to John being alive shippy, because it is strong for it being the fourth episode.  I’m not sure she would have reacted like this is any of the others had been the one attacked by the Iratus bug.

[atlantis-scribe]

Title: oath of devotion (1/1)

Word Count: 13k+

Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard (Pre-Slash), Rodney McKay & Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard & Elizabeth Weir

Summary: Not even a dozen iratus bugs can get him to admit it out loud, but John knows he’s never quite managed to outgrow his obscure resentment for Rodney and Elizabeth’s unlikely friendship and enduring trust in each other.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Sanctuary, Pt. 1

So, we come to Sanctuary (S01E14), an episode infamous for Rodney McKay's jealous fit. It's rather revealing, of course, but it's not the only interesting thing we find in it.

What takes place in the episode is given context later. In the episode Irresponsible (S03E13), we find conman Lucius Lavin entertaining people with stories that seem to be based on the experiences of John Sheppard in particular. Lucius read through all the mission reports during his stay at Atlantis in Irresistible (S03E03), so his stories are based on Sheppard's record. He describes the events that are about to take place in the following manner:

Lucius: I'll tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient. Beckett: Sounds entertaining! Lucius: Yeah, you'd think so, but between you and me, not so much. Sheppard: You know, your stories are awfully fascinating, and familiar.

It is of course possible that Lucius put his own spin on the mission report he read. It's possible he interpreted the events he read about his own way, made some inferences based on the events. That he's telling them how he would have felt if he'd been a similar situation, if he'd been in Sheppard's shoes. But the thing is, Sheppard doesn't disagree with the assessment. Quite the opposite, he calls it familiar (note also that Lucius uses the phrase "not so much", which is frequently used by Sheppard to mean "not at all"), at least tacitly acknowledging this interpretation of events.

So, it seems like Sheppard thinks that he was almost seduced by an Ancient woman and that it was not all it was cracked up to be. This is what he wrote into his mission report shortly following the events of the episode, and he seems to stand by this interpretation of events several years later.

With this in mind, let's dive in.

The episode starts in medias res, the team in a jumper being chased by wraith darts. Business as usual. Their weapons have malfunctioned and McKay tries to fix them in the back part of the vessel. The scene has a real Star Trek vibe to it. I'm giving it all she's got, Captain!

Things are tense. Sheppard seems to be on edge. He's not really acting the way we've seen him act in the past several episodes. He's being extra military (Negative! Positive!), he's expecting McKay to fix everything. It's notable and relevant to what happens later that he's still not giving McKay orders -- he need only to say the other man's name to get him to do what he wants to get done. Instead of "Go back there and fix the weapons" he only says "McKay!". Instead if "Hurry up!" he only says "McKay!". Instead of "We need that miracle now!" he only says "McKay!". It's implied, but he has not given McKay a single order so far. And note also that McKay seems to understand his meaning perfectly just from his tone of voice when speaking his name here.

But Sheppard is acting different, and McKay seems to have noticed it too. Instead of coming up with strategies, he's putting the pressure on McKay to resolve the situation.

This change in behaviour could be caused by several things.

Yes, they are being chased and Sheppard wants to keep everyone alive. It could be the high pressure of the situation, the concern for his team. It could be that the last time they were chased and fired upon by the wraith, he very nearly ended up dying with an iratus bug attached to his neck. It could be that having had to kill a member of the expedition recently was still bothering him. It could be that he actually finished his conversation with Weir between the episodes and is hence trying to act the way a commander would, no special treatment to anyone. Could be they didn't finish it and the conversation they did have was enough to remind him of his court martial and the events that lead there. He needs to prove both to Weir and especially to himself that he can do his job, he's not compromised by his emotions. He also very recently almost lost all three of them due to his lapse in judgement, so if acting like a hard-ass CO is going to keep them all alive, he can do that. Take your pick.

What ever the reason, Sheppard was acting a little different. And McKay clocked this because he has been paying close attention to Sheppard, has been getting to know him very well. Frustrated, McKay tells him that he's not holding out on him. He's giving it his all, doing his part, trying to meet him where he is. But he can only lower the barriers on his side, he can try to fix his own issues. They should be working on this together. The beginning and the end often rhyme, so it's interesting that we start with McKay telling Sheppard that he's not holding out on him.

Now, there's a thing called the 'rule of three' in writing that is frequently employed in episodic television. The audience is more likely to remember information conveyed when it's repeated three times because using three entities combines both brevity and rhythm with having the smallest amount of information to create a pattern. It's used in this scene in that McKay mentions having just very almost died three times:

McKay: I thought for sure we were dead. Didn't you think we were dead? Ford: What the hell was that? McKay: Some sort of uh, energy weapon? Sheppard: What do you say we find out? McKay: Yeah.

McKay: So just to confirm, we're all still… definitely not dead. Teyla: I feel very much alive. McKay: Good. Same here. Sheppard: I wish I knew what that was. Ford: Looked like lightning. Sheppard: Space lightning? McKay: I already said, it's some sort of an energy weapon, one that apparently destroys Wraith darts. Ford: Nice, but why them and not us? McKay: Well, assuming that we're still alive, and there doesn't appear to be any damage as a result of the pulse, I think we can safely conclude that, uh... I got nothing. I mean, I got nothing to conclude. I'm just talking for the sake of talking. Sheppard: You sure you're okay? McKay: You know how much I hate certain death? Sheppard: You're alive.

McKay has to refer to their very almost dying three times before he gets Sheppard to react to it at all. He is looking for Sheppard to react, he's looking for Sheppard's reassurance. Sheppard is not reacting, not in the way that he needs him to react. In fact, both Teyla and Ford respond to him but he gets no reaction whatsoever from Sheppard to anything he says until "I'm just talking for the sake of talking." It's only after the third time that Sheppard is forced to ask him whether he's alright. And he doesn't look at McKay at all, even after he no longer has to scan for enemy ships. And not for not wanting to look:

It's not like Sheppard doesn't care about McKay. If we've seen anything in the past several episodes, it's that Sheppard cares very much about Rodney McKay not dying. If anything, we get to see him avoiding the very notion of it to an extreme. This is a thought Sheppard wants to neither acknowledge nor face. Sure, he's not keen to see any one of them dead. But the fact that Rodney has to refer to it three times to get him to even acknowledge the concept is pretty damn telling in this regard. This is called denial. John Sheppard is in denial when it comes to the possibility of Rodney McKay dying, especially on his watch. There is a difficult emotion attached to Rodney McKay that John Sheppard is actively and rather obviously suppressing.

Now, the fact that this is mentioned three times and then confirmed for an additional fourth time means this is real important for this episode. Sheppard (seemingly) not caring is crucial for the resolution of the episode, for its interpretation. Of course we could say that they're trying to make us think that Sheppard really, really doesn't care whether Rodney McKay lives or dies, that he's being callous. That is what the text tells us, after all. Only, we've been shown the opposite. We have seen John Sheppard kill to keep that man alive. We know he cares. So why is he suddenly pretending not to care?

Continued in Pt. 2

[stargatelover]

I recently got into stargate Atlantis because of a varying number of stargate blogs including yours lol. I was just wondering if you happened to have any Sheppard angst fics to recommend for a new fan?

First of all that is so awesome that you decided to check it out!! I hope you're enjoying it!! And oh god yes. Yes I do have fic recs for you. These area mix of angst, whump, and hurt comfort and most overlap a bit. Hopefully something here piques your interest

Going Home by Titan5 Summary: John is sent back to Earth to recover from his latest set of injuries and decides to visit his father. He is very surprised at the homecoming he receives.

End of the Line by coolbreeze1 Summary: Sheppard reaches his limits when he's captured by a group after the city of Atlantis. Prequel to Titan5's story, Going Home.

Things That Go Whump In The Night by angstydaydreams Summary: John wakes up in the middle of the night with a tummy ache. Shep Whump ensues...

Nightcrawlers by coolbreeze1 Summary: Just a little self-indulgent whumping fic to get myself back into the writing habit. There's only the thinnest hint of an actual story here, so don't expect too much beyond sick!Shep...Not for the squeamish! Otherwise, no spoilers of any kind.

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by coolbreeze1 Summary: A visit to a beautiful planet has disastrous consequences for John Sheppard. The team races to find out what's wrong with him, but the answers they seek may be buried deeper than they imagined. Shep whump. Minor spoilers for Common Ground.

Summit of Courage by coolbreeze1 Summary: He would have screamed if he’d had the breath to. Instead he froze, his eyes locked with that of the Iratus bug’s. And then the insect leapt. Spoilers up through Season 2's "Runner" and specifically for "38 Minutes."

Sick Leave by Merlin7 M.N. Talbert Summary: Doctor McKay shares something with Major Sheppard: the flu!

Tag to Submersion by coolbreeze1 Summary: Tag to Submersion. Sheppard doesn't just walk away from that one.

Just a Cold by Lu 14 Summary: John a cold and an ancient device do not mix! Shep Mckay whumping a little Zelenka too

Cold Race by SGAFan Summary: For the friends of John Sheppard, it's a race against time when he finds something unusual in the lower levels of Atlantis. Warning: There be Shep Whump here!

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign by everybettyS2ish Summary: Contains the daily recommended dose of ShepWhump. It was just a trading mission...

Heritage by SGAFan Summary: On a routine scouting mission, Major Sheppard mysteriously falls ill. As the team races to find a cure, Major Sheppard faces his own demons.

Blood is Thicker by T'Pring Summary: When John is severely injured by an unusual weapon, it may be that only a family member can save his life. And that means David Sheppard must come to Atlantis...IF John's friends can convince him to do it. Now complete.

Real Heroes Wear Orange by Titan5 Summary: John visits his brother to see if they can connect again. Of course even vacation trips are never that simple.

Batman Did It by Titan5 Summary: A tag to Quarantine where Sheppard hit the side of the tower a little harder than he thought.

Brother's Keeper by Titan5 Summary: A tag to Outcast that shows what happened when John went back to see his brother at the end of the episode.

The Long Trip Home by Titan5 Summary: One version of what might have happened on the trip home following The Defiant One.

The Trouble With Crash Landings by Titan5 Summary: A tag to The Ark in which John experiences the repercussions of his rough landing.

Limbo by Titan5 Summary: John wakes up injured in a crashed jumper with no memory of what happened or how he got there.

Where the Buffalo Roam by Titan5 Summary: Sheppard’s team is forced to depend on the locals after he is injured and the gate malfunctions.

Blood Brothers by Titan5 Summary: An injured Sheppard and McKay must depend on one another for survival, and learn a little about each other along the way. Hurt,comfort, friendship.

If The Shrine Sheppard by theicemenace Summary: What if John Sheppard had been infected with the Second Childhood parasite?

[lightthewaybackhome]

Stargate-Atlantis S1: E3 Thirty-eight Minutes

Our first Team episode where Sheppard, Teyla, Ford, and McKay must deal with the problem. Also, first Zelenka episode! So happy to hear him cussing in Chezch.

Ford proves he's an excellent second to Sheppard, not giving up and pushing Rodney through the Event Horizon so that if anyone died, it'd be Ford.

Introduction of the Iratus bug. Sheppard's first real brush with death. (Man, that off-screen scream, when you hear Sheppard but see Weir was chilling.) Also, what was he gonna say? Sheppard says that he was going to say, "Take care of each other," but Elizabeth calls his bluff. The funny part is, the rest of the show is them taking care of each other and Sheppard avoiding major expressions of emotions type situations.