#It doesn't feel like my best work but I'm still proud of myself for finishing it

[kell-stitches]

"Stop asking why I'm sad, just know, it's enough to know I'm sad"

I know it's been awhile, but I'm simply couldn't let Madeleine Hyland's birthday pass without a little celebration. So here is a tribute to our benevolent queen, Madeleine, and the heartrending wonder that is Little Miss Why So by The Amazing Devil

[View all my other embroideries inspired by The Amazing Devil here]

[skitskatdacat63]

Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)

- explanation & w/o text:

Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!

First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.

Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.

Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.

Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.

About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.

I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")

I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.

[feliciafancybottom]

I haven't been here long and I know, like, no one, and I feel totally stupid sitting here in tears writing a dumb emotional post where I am probably going to overshare and sound like an idiot I guess the positive thing is that no one is likely to read it, I have never been much of an engaging writer. So in my last post I was getting frustrated at myself for procrastinating. I should have just kept that up, but I didn't. I was so proud of myself. Friday night and all day Saturday I forced myself to sit in front of my computer and set up my Etsy store. I even made a banner so it looked pretty. I listed a few things for sale and it took forever, and I was exhausted from forcing myself to focus on something that I really don't enjoy for so long but I did it, and I was so happy that I finally took the step because I'd been putting it off for such a long time. And literally the next day they permanently suspended my account and told me that they would not be giving me an explanation why. Like WTF. I put SO much work into this. I feel like I don't even know. I feel numb.

I used to be a nurse, years ago. I used to live on the other side of the country. Then I met this guy and it's a long story but the end result is that I now live in a different state where I barely know anyone. I'm not with him anymore, thank fuck, but I have severe C-PTSD, s does my youngest kid. I can't work anymore because because my child was always a lot health wise but with C-PTSD on top of everything else they have, they need me around. They rarely go to school because of anxiety. Then they do, I wait in the office because I know they'll only be there an hour or so and I have to drive them home again. Anyway, trying not to overshare. Basically, can't work outside the house. So this Pop Figure thing. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. It's just, I had fun doing it. I thought I wasn't that bad at it. I bought a bunch of old broken ones to practice on. I experimented with different kinds of paints and primers and top coats and clays etc. to figure out what looks best. Then I started making them properly. I still feel like maybe I'm crap at it but I have looked at what people are selling on Etsy and mine are just as good, if not better as the custom Pop figures other people sell on there. It's just hard. I have two disabled kids. I can't work. Their father doesn't give a shit. I'm not trying to be all woe is me but after I pay the rent and bills and food there is nothing left I just wanted to do this so there was a bit extra so everything isn't always so fucking scary and stressful. Fuck. I read their fucking policies. I didn't do anything that violates anything. I hate being such a whiny fucking cry baby but I was was so excited about this. Now it just seems like the last six months of planning and practice has been a gigantic waste of time and money that I couldn't afford. This is the Aziraphale & Snake Crowley I was working on. I was happy with how they were going. They're almost finished. I just have to wait for the epoxy to dry, paint it, and reassemble them but now I don't even want to look at them 😞 I really don't know what I'm going do.

[rosainta]

“Advice Unmasked: Team Fortress 2”

{Transcript}

Miss Pauling: “Thanks for listening, Spy. I’m sorry if I got a bit melodramatic at the end there.”

Spy: “No problem, ma chère. Remember— these things take time, so just keep aiming to improve yourself.”

Miss Pauling: “Yeah, I… think I can do that.”

Spy: “Good. Now, run along and shoot Scout for me, will you?”

Miss Pauling: “Hah, alright.”

Description: Spy giving his usual high-quality French advice after listening to Miss Pauling vent about work problems.

(Made with a hint of inspiration from the AO3 fic “A Pauling’s Attire” by Lizziefij / elrong, with her wonderful headcanon of Spy and Miss Pauling being somewhat close— specifically stylistically!

Here is the link- go read it when you can. It’s super well-written, professional, and the artwork that goes along with it is just phenomenal!! <3 :

~ * ~

Started January 28th, 2024 at 1:00AM, Home Finished January 30th, 2024 at 4:45, Home

Art Notes:

This is a gift / apology art for the user @slimsnipes , after them being very kind (and tolerant of my incessant blabber mouth… so sorry about that... 😭) during a stream and helping improve my art skills and motivating me to keep creating!

Please, if you haven’t already, go check them out! They make wonderful art— especially Speeding Bullet-related content!!! >u< — and are just really cool in general, so if you want to be crying in awe for two hours straight (like me…), here’s the person to go to!

As for the artwork, I made it really late at night and really quickly— not because I was rushing but more because I made it during a spontaneous burst of inspiration at 1AM that even my sleepiness couldn't stop. -w-

Probably due to my inability to think straight from the tardy inspo-explosion, I made a mistake when drawing where Spy's ear and jawline ended up being WAYYY closer to his eyes than physically possible. I re-drew it in Markup and covered it up with shading (because I can't be bothered to erase the colouring and rip the paper LOL), and now, aside from the general area and lineart being slightly darker than the rest of his face, you can barely tell there was a change at all!

Plus, it helped improve my colouring a little bit, which was great because that was my initial goal with this drawing in the first place.

This work is not something I'm immensely proud of since there are a lot of flaws with it, like the entire wonky anatomy of Spy, that I feel I could have avoided if I had just made it during the day and... not so randomly... but I'm still going to post it here just to document the experience and take it as a lesson to learn from!

And, again, to reiterate, my standards are pretty low for what I post here-- anything that doesn't look like chicken scratch or scribbles-- because I want to post things that I truly express myself with, so I won't be leaving this one out!

Anyhow, that's about it for this one! Remember to check out slimsnipes and Lizziefij when you can, they are both super talented and they've really shaped the way I create, and I'm sure they'll inspire you too, in the best way possible!

Have a good one, pally~ ^.^

~ Rosain Quivan

Credits: ‘Team Fortress 2’ by Valve, “A Pauling’s Attire” by Lizziefij / elrong, slimsnipes Image source: Rosain Quivan Created by: Rosain Quivan {Cross posted on Amino ( Rosain Quivan )}

[kandismon]

Do you have any tips for those who wish to create a webcomic?

I do apologize if this has been asked before!

this is a pretty big question that would probably be easier to answer if you had any specific things you'd like to know about!

but i can give you a summary of general things i've learned over the years!

disclaimer: these are my personal experiences, if any of this sounds like something that doesn't fit your workflow or preferences, please disregard!

if you've never made a webcomic before, i would personally recommend starting small. do a short oneshot first to see how it feels instead of diving right into your multi-season 2000 pages big epic story, because i feel like the workload can get really overwhelming really fast if you go from 0 to 100 right away. some creators thrive on that but it was definitely not for me. i have a lot of failed and unfinished projects sitting around because i was too ambitious and didn't know what i was getting myself into. later on i started drawing short comics for various fandoms & ships i was invested in deeply, and those got progressively longer until i suddenly felt ready to seriously tackle one of my original stories again. which was when i finally started working on #MUTED!

don't worry about sticking to the strict 60+ panels weekly schedule that you see a lot on platforms like webtoon for example. unless you've signed a contract, you make the rules and decide how much and how often you post. i've seen a lot of creators burn themselves out over that when there really wasn't any need because no one was forcing or paying them to churn out so much all the time T -T) you can still find an audience and success with a slower pace (for example #MUTED was released with 2 episodes a month, 1 ep usually had around 20ish panels iirc)

finished is better than perfect. if you're a perfectionist this can be difficult to accept, but i promise most people won't look at your panels for longer than 1.5 seconds. some wonky lines here and there don't matter much, it's more important to get the feelings across imho.

vector layers (for inking) are your best friend \o/

imho having a pretty clear outline for your story can be really helpful and take away some stress, knowing where the story is going without having to constantly sit down inbetween chapters to come up with more plot is a blessing and i wish i had been better about doing that with #MUTED. i did have a rough outline but a lot of holes in between chapters and in the end some things i would have liked to explore more never got touched on because my planning was bad and i wasn't able to find the room in the story (like some emma back story, more about jasper's family dynamics, also a bit more of a deep dive into kai's relationship with his family) (also towards the end i felt pretty burned out and just wanted to move on haha) [i'm not saying to plan every scene right from the get go, there's always room to adjust and remove or add stuff while you're working on the project, but a few important anker points here and there are important, at least for me!]

shortcuts are also your best friend, use all of them. 3d models too!

when you start publishing, don't get discouraged by algorithms and statistics and numbers (i say as that's something i still struggle with daily LOL), agonising over these things is pointless because they're mostly out of your control, focus on things you can actively do to be proud of your work. also instead of comparing yourself to others, instead compare yourself to past you! look how far you've come compared to the you from last year :>

i hope any of this helps, sorry for rambling lol if there's ever any specific questions, my asks are always open and i'll do my best to try and help out!! i'm also still learning and don't consider myself to be a person who really has anything to teach to anyone, but i can share my progress and experiences and hype you up if needed, hehe

good luck with your comic!!

[ineffable-snowman]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @dark--whisperings!

How many works do you have on ao3?

fifteen

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

400,883 (holy shit)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now switching between Star Wars and Good Omens

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Maybe Someday - 841 kudos, most of them thanks to @plumbum-art's wonderful comic Date Night, which "resurrected" this little fic of mine.

and then my four MCU (sambucky) fics:

Trouble Man - 841 kudos, too!

Pet Psychopath - 712 kudos

Partners, Accidentally - 561 kudos

Co-Workers with Benefits - 509 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. Because if I write a comment, I like to hear from the author. It doesn't have to be much but it just makes me happy to hear that my comment made the author happy. And I think interaction is important to keep a fandom "alive" (even if often I don't know what to say but I try).

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings. But I'm a little worried that people won't agree with me that Match Made on Earth has a happy ending.

7. What's the fic your write with the happiest ending?

As I said, they all have happy endings, but the ending of Four Chord Songs and Sentimental Lyrics is particularly sappy. I was wondering if that love song in the last chapter was *too much*, but then I thought: nope, it's Anakin, *too much* is his personality trait.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

This year I got two very rude anon comments on one of my Obikin fics accusing me of horrible things. The accusations felt pretty generic and did not fit to that particular story at all, but they still left me a little shaken. Fortunately, the people in the Obikin discord were really kind about it and helped to cheer me up.

Back on FFNET I received the occasional "ew, they're not gay, why would you write that?" Also there were some people who were angry at the way I wrote Obi-Wan, saying things like "how can you say he's your favourite character and then characterise him as weak/flawed/incompetent... and make so many bad things happen to him?"

BUT, all in all, fandom has been a positive experience and the many good interactions far outweigh the odd rude comment.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Does one awkward sex scene per multi chapter fic count? (No.)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a long time ago on FFNET when I still wrote Harry Potter fic.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

I feel like Obikin is the "correct" answer because I always come back to them.

15. What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Step into Christmas with me. So far, I've managed to add two chapters every season. If I continue at that pace, I might finish it in two more years...

16. What are your writing strength?

Beginnings and endings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The long middle parts that always become too long and repetitive.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Okay, I have Opinions on this!

I don't like it and don't see the merits of it. It often just feels like the author wants to show off their language skills. But as a reader it takes me out of a story. I don't want to check footnotes or use google translate in the middle of reading.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Just for myself: Harry Potter. Posting online: Star Wars.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Servants of the Force is definitely not my best writing but it's still my favourite fic anyway because I've never put so much effort into a fic before and I'm proud that I finished it.

---

I'm not sure who has already done it. tagging (no pressure!): @underacalicosky, @demonghost, @somethingsteff, @ineffableobikin, @fulcrum843, @howlbrooklyn, @kingdomvel

[smaller-comfort]

Well, it's the reason the story is rated M! I wish I could figure out how to tag this, but I'm pretty sure "sex from a non-human pov wherein everyone involved is completely alienated from their physical body in some way but they're just going to make the best of it" is over the character limit.

Technically the sex is not particularly explicit, but it kind of feels like it actually is, to me. I don't know anymore. I realize the line between an M and an E rating is often pretty blurry; the Ratings Police probably aren't going to arrest me for using the word "sphincter".

Anyway. Notes below the cut; you know the drill, I like to hear myself talk.

I really, really love some of the language in this, but I recognize that I may have gone overboard a little bit in places.

'I may have gone overboard' sums up my feelings about this one in general, actually. I'm not about to provide a fully annotated draft where I justify my word choice, phrasing, and characterization line-by-line, but I probably could. (I definitely could.) I kind of really, really love this story. A lot. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really proud of it, even if it probably could've been like...half as long. Anyway. You get a cookie if you can figure out which bits are my favorites.

I almost decided to rewrite this whole thing in past tense. I'm still not entirely sure I shouldn't have, but it would be way too much work at this point. I tend to write smut in present tense; make of that what you will.

The game itself has a fairly distinctive "voice," and I do try to mimic that at least a little. B'st in particular walks this funny line between a formal register (doesn't use many contractions, 'Great Alchemist') and goofiness (taking out the trash, his transformations). (When people tell me I hit the voices right it makes me giddy for hours.)

Still operating on the premise that Songsters are funky little guys and not humanoids. Don't ask me how they have sex, though, I really haven't gotten that far and I'm probably not going to. "Not like this," thanks B'st, that's extremely illuminating. He's never actually going to get around to drawing that diagram.

('Safe sex' for human/songster couplings typically involves earplugs. Ancient Repine sex ed would've been a trip.)

"Hey, v, anatomically speaking-" shhhhh. It's magic glass. Don't worry about it. (Is any of the sex here actually sexy? Is it supposed to be? These are questions I ask myself frequently; I have no answers. At any rate, I think I nailed the 'weirdly alienating with lots of feelings' vibe, and that's mostly what I was going for.)

I like to headcanon Songsters having extremely complicated extended familial structures. B'st and T'kor might not have had kids of their own, but they would have shared childrearing responsibilities for members of their extended family. In that respect, Mooncradle's communal society is very familiar to B'st.

I know about the T'kor=AI Core theory, and it feels like exactly the sort of thing where Thierry would go "Oh, I thought that one was way too obvious, actually." I kind of hate it, though, because it's too tragic and it makes me too sad.

Speaking of things that are too sad! I cut some extremely depressing dialogue about how the abandoned lab and the lost souls were actually left behind for Resh'an to find. Aephorul intended for them to be another "gift"- he knew about Resh'an's work on living glass, and what he needed to finish it. It wasn't a coincidence that all the materials Resh'an needed were there.

B'st was already aware of this; Resh'an figured it out on his own. At this point neither of them is going to bring it up. B'st assumes it will just make Resh'an feel pointlessly guilty all over again, and Resh'an...is already feeling extremely guilty about it! Imagine that.

Living Glass was supposed to be Resh'an's solution to their decaying bodies. But by now Resh'an doesn't actually think he has a strong enough will to live to survive the process anymore (as he's got the depression) and Aephorul was never a fan of the idea of having a non-organic body to begin with.

(Not to say that Resh'an doesn't have an unshakeable sense of purpose, but that's not quite the same thing. Living Glass vs Borrowed Time rules.)

When I first started this one, it actually was going to be set in the same timeline as Loser Takes All, because it was much funnier that way. (Resh'an is not equipped to handle getting laid this much.) My thought was to make it a series where various characters find increasingly ridiculous ways to pin Resh'an down and fuck him stupid, since that's...kind of a recurring theme with me, I guess! Yomara was going to be next on the list.

Somehow my scrap file is almost 4000 words long, but I didn't actually end up cutting very much. The ending got rewritten like six times; the majority of the first chapter was originally supposed to take place after the sex. It flows better this way, though.

I did cut one of my favorite lines, though, so here you go:

“You may feel conflicted about what I am now and how I came to be, but I do not. Have faith in that, if nothing else. In this moment, in this time, I am exactly as I am meant to be.”

I'm not saying I'm not gonna write that eventually, mind you. Welcome to the niche corner, etc. Yomara deserves something nice, and the Three Sisters have been eating the corners of my brain a bit lately.

(B'st/Romaya is probably more likely at this point, though.) (Shout out to that one Serai/Romaya fic on ao3 that rewired my brain slightly, you're a real one.)

I've got Winter and Spring now, so the next story in the series should be Summer. But I might have more than 4 stories to tell in this particular universe. So maybe I'll jump straight to Autumn and keep with a general theme of "seasons" for everything.

[icemankazansky]

Hi! So I have been stalking your blog lately (sorry for spamming of likes 🫣) because I have once again fallen into this rabbit hole that is Icemav and I'm loving your posts on them and the gifset you made for Iceman.

My question is, and I'm sorry if you have already answered something like this before: what are your fav Iceman HCs?

Hello! First of all, never apology for spamming me with likes and reblogs, because I love that shit. That is why the content is here.

I love this question! Let's see.

Ice is Russian and Jewish

This one came to me* pretty simply, because I got there by looking up the roots of Kazansky as a surname, mostly for a throwaway line in Lightning Strikes Twice. (If you're wondering why it takes me so long to finish a story, that is the reason. I spent two and a half hours writing yesterday, and a solid hour of it was research.) I've done a little bit with it, but @boasamishipper has really been the champion of this headcanon, and she's done a lot of work developing it.

It's difficult for me to believe that, given the political landscape when Top Gun OG was made and the way we're meant to see Ice initially, that giving him a Russian last name was not a purposeful decision. The year before, Rocky IV was a major success, breaking box office records worldwide. Rocky's opponent in the film is Russian Ivan Drago:

Does this look familiar to anybody?

Russia and Russians were bad guys a lot during this time period. The Cold War, which had started after World War II, was still going on. Maverick is our protagonist, and he embodies traits that have been considered uniquely American since the 18th century: Being the best, being a rebel who does things his own way no matter what The Establishment says, pulling one's self up by the bootstraps to become extraordinary, etc. And initially, Ice is positioned as Maverick's foil. He is self-disciplined, self-contained, and believes in collectivism and responsibility to the group over everything. To anyone bothered by the Red Scare, that could definitely be read as communist. I think that giving Ice a Russian last name and these qualities isn't to paint him as the bad guy, but rather to get the audience to feel unsure about him. Maverick asks, "What's your problem, Kazansky?" and the audience is meant to think, "Yeah, what is his problem?"

(I've gone a little off track, but I don't expect everyone who follows this blog to have a critical understanding of the political climate in America in the 1980s.) But what does this mean for Ice as a person? It means that he grew up in America during the Cold War as someone with a Russian last name, at the very least. It's conspicuous. He definitely got called a Commie at school. And if (as I like to believe) he is close to his heritage, especially if it's recent (like he's a third generation American rather than a twelfth), it creates an interesting ambivalence. Like, my last name is German, but it's so far removed from me that it doesn't mean anything to me as a person. It's not part of my culture or identity. I don't consider myself German. I don't have that ambivalence. If Ice considers himself Russian, if that's part of his life and identity, that is difficult during the time period in which he grew up, and it's going to change things about his character. People are going to talk shit about Russians, and there are people who are going to question his allegiances, and he's going to have to balance that while being proud of his identity and his culture. I like the world it creates for him. I like him mentally cursing in Russian whenever Maverick is especially Maverick-y. I like him being offered a beer and wrinkling his nose at that American piss water (@victimofthemusic I love you forever for writing that).

Okay, I've talked way too much about Russian Iceman without getting into Jewish Iceman, so I'm just going to say: Yes. Also. It just makes sense to me, and I love all the headcanons and work @boasamishipper especially has created (I would protect Rachel Kazansky with my life), and I want more of it. All of it. Gimme.

*I don't mean to imply that I originated the headcanon; I'm just saying that is how I, personally, first started thinking about it.

Ice Has (a) Sister(s)

I've seen only children ask questions about this, but yes, there are totally vibes that speak to whether you have siblings, what genders they are, what the birth order is, etc. Ice is way too patient, good at sharing, and willing to play a supporting role to be an only child. He also screams sisters to me because he is capable of emotional regulation, sensitive to other people's emotions (I want you to think of him watching Maverick storm off the tarmac after the hop with Sundown), and values the collective over the individual. In general, when boys have brothers, they spend at least the first 20 years of their lives in constant competition. Everything is a challenge. Everything is a target. Ice is certainly driven, and he likes to win, but the amount of emphasis he puts on working as a team and helping each other suggests that his own desire to succeed is not the most important thing to him. Brothers also do not talk to each other. Sisters value open communication and group cohesion. (They've done studies on this. I'm not just making this up.)

And I like the thought that he has support. Ice has kind of a hard road to walk, and the thought that he has (a) supportive sister(s) there to talk to and to help him and to make sure he doesn't get away with any shit is lovely.

Ice is Smart AF

This is not a huge leap from canon, because we already know he's the best of the best and that he got into a competitive university, and that you have to be able to understand a lot of math and science and do it in your head at Mach 2 to be a fighter pilot. But Ice strikes me as the smartest guy in the room. The scene I keep coming back to is the one in the TAC trailer. Here's Ice:

He's not really paying attention. And I don't think it's because he's apathetic. It looks to me (because this was me) that he's bored because he's already figured out the problem, he already understands what's being taught, and he just has to sit there until everyone else catches up. And he's relaxed about it; he's used to it. He's probably been in this situation hundreds of times before. I talk about this more in this post, but that's the gist.

Ice is an August Leo with Capricorn Rising

I know a lot of people use Val Kilmer's birthday for Ice, and that is fine. You're totally valid. I just cannot. He's too fiery and bold, too sunny and fiercely loyal (that lion has teeth, and they use them to protect the people they love the most) once that Iceman mask slips down. I can have my little zodiac headcanons, as a treat.

I think I've gone on long enough. Thank you for the question! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer it. I'm trying, ragazzi.

[ga-wsc-fmp]

Looking to the future

This project has failed to reach a good outcome, but that's ok. I've still learned from this and can take that into future projects. Some things I've learned include how to create and use structures and data tables in UE5 (granted I still have much to learn regarding how to use these well and what situations they are to be used in), as well as learning the value of properly pre-planning out a project before jumping in.

When I started this project I did a large amount of research and exploration around the given theme, however once this was over I failed to plan things out and instead jumped right into UE5 with my chosen idea at the front of my mind. This led to a poorly structured prototype that ended up needing a complete overhaul. By the time I finished this overhaul I realised I still didn't understand everything I needed to regarding how to store information. This made things a bit confusing when attempting to learn how to use data tables, as I had to fill in the missing gaps myself.

I also learned that I need my projects to engage me. If they fail to do that then I will end up losing interest and motivation, leading to a dead end in the project's development. Unfortunately this is what happened with this one, and I did not have the time left to change directions as such a change would require it's own planning which would take up too much time, leaving the actual development minimal at best.

I'm aware that the outcome of my project is only a small part of my grade, but that doesn't change the fact that I wish I could've completed something, or at least created a fun concept/prototype.

I think that, as much as I may enjoy playing jRPGs with turn-based combat, actually creating one is far more tedious, and it takes far too long to feel engaging that I struggle to maintain interest. I believe it would be wise going forward to spend more time planning out the structure and development cycle of my future projects, as I evidently did not spend enough time on that aspect with this one.

Despite my appreciation of 2D pixel-art styled games, I have also concluded that working with sprites in Unreal Engine is not an enjoyable experience in the slightest, and I would be best off keeping that to a minimum. I will likely stick to 3D games for the most part going forwards with few exceptions.

Airships 'N' Aliens is by far my favourite project that I worked on, and I believe it would be a good decision to look back on that project and take notes going forwards. For example I seem to do well creating a short yet charming gameplay loop, and allowing myself to have a little bit of fun with it certainly helps.

I took this project too seriously and wanted to add way too much to it. I mistakenly thought that due to being such a simple looking idea it wouldn't be too difficult to make. However the sudden introduction of multiple new aspects of the engine that I was previously unfamiliar with, paired with the fact I was not familiar with creating anything remotely similar to what I was aiming for was a recipe for disaster.

The biggest difference in this project as compared to my previous ones is the fact that it is almost entirely within a UI. Instead of what I was familiar with before, being the use of actors, I was instead creating multiple UI elements like widgets which created and destroyed each other, and pulled info from the highly unfamiliar data tables. It was simply too much new stuff to handle for such an unengaging project at such a late point in the FMP's timeline.

I hope that all the work I have put in so far will reflect well on my grade, even if the outcome was disappointingly cut short before it could even reach a satisfying prototype. Regardless of what happens though, I will use what I've learned in order to better plan future projects and create something that I can enjoy and be proud of.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!!! I’m so appreciative for the safe space you’ve created and I wish only the best for you. If you have any wisdom for me I could really use it, this might be a lot and all over the place so please only answer if you have the spoons <3

In 1 week I’m quitting my job (along with the entire career path that goes with it) and I feel so broken over it. This career has been my dream since I was 11yo, it’s non-standard, creative, pays plenty, and gives me the freedom to choose what I work on, when I work, and who I want work with. I dropped out of my university with just 1 year left of my bachelors to pursue it because I hated school so much. I have genuinely put every ounce of myself into it. And... I hate it so much. I haven’t told anyone yet because I can barely admit it to myself.

I’m so scared because I don’t think I know who I am without this job. I feel like I have nothing else going for me in my life, I don’t have a group of people I can lean on and I can’t go finish my degree and have no other qualifications. It’s not that I feel I can’t make something of myself now because I know I can but it’s more so like starting next week everything I’ve done in my life will amount to a pile of nothing. And honestly? I feel pretty pathetic realizing that I only really have my job, I’m not good with people and don’t make friends easily and when I do I can’t bring myself to make them last, I’m not incredibly smart or clever, and tbh I don’t think luck has ever been on my side.

I’m also scared that I’m giving up on something that I shouldn’t. I can’t help but feel like I ruined it for myself in a very Vienna way. I was 19 when I left school and I don’t think I ever coped with the overwhelming feeling of oh my god I have to work everyday for the rest of my life and have real responsibilities now and what if that was too much and if I started my job when I was 22 I’d be fine and I’d still love it. I’m absolutely certain in my decision to leave but I don’t know how I’m going to confront losing everything I know about my identity. And what if when I do figure something else out, my tragic disconnectedness makes me hate that too because I feel like it’s inevitable that I grow to hate everything around me.

Hi!

Oh god, this is SO relatable for me. And really, I think you're definitely doing the right thing.

A few things...

First of all, even though you're quitting your job now, that doesn't make the work you did in the past suddenly amount to nothing. It's still something you can be proud of. Hell, from a purely neutral standpoint, holding a job for a decent amount of time looks great on a resume!

I also think it's absolutely brave an commendable that you're taking a step to better your life by searching for what makes you happy. There's NOTHING wrong with doing that at all, and I genuinely wish I could do the same.

As far as realizing your job is your identity- I've been there. During covid, when I couldn't teach, I realized that teaching had become my entire personality. I took all my self-worth from being a good teacher. And I went through a literal depression. But it forced me to find hobbies and spend time with my wife (then-fiancee) and rethink things that are important to me.

Take this time to figure out what makes you you. What hobbies do you enjoy? What makes you happy? Go out by yourself to a bar or to a movie or an art class. Find what makes you feel fulfilled and do it a lot.

You've got this, and I'm SO proud of you for taking this step!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: brave anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[allqrcoded]

Devlog 8: The thing they say about being slow and steady

And so, we're getting there: asset hell part 2, CGs edition. This March a LOT has been accomplished. As of recently, I feel like I've taken care most of the bugs regarding variable counts and while more manwork is still needed within the game (ie. asset/CG work, etc.), I'm glad to say that the game is functional -- no softlocks and all. As always, more detail below the cut. Surprisingly, this devlog was longer than I anticipated. This time, with more screenshots because I was too lazy to do so last month.

Bug fixing 2/3/playtesters

Around the midway point of March, I've finally done my second round of bug fixing for any loose strands I didn't notice the first time around after getting enough free time to do so. Unlike angel care, I wasn't dealing with fixing past me's code because I had more experience on my belt and thankfully, it went smoother than last time. While there were some variable issues I (and my playtesters) ran into, those were easily taken care of. Luckily, it was just one instance and the bug wasn't that far into the game, so less text skipping for them! It also gives them the assurance that the latter portions of the game will go much more smoothly because those portions don't have as much problems with them. Albeit, I wasn't that aware of how long I take to gamedev in the weekends, but recently, I found out that I roughly take around 5 hours per session just bug fixing. Suffice to say, maybe I should be scared of myself.

Regarding the 3rd bug testing label -- yes you're not seeing things. That was done recently, actually. By recently I mean this afternoon, so I assure you that I'm not bluffing on how bug-free the late game section is for Dt-z. With this game, I've gotten more friends to playtest so there's this sort of pressure imposed on myself, by myself, to give them the best experience of the game (even though that at its state, it isn't quite polished in my mind to call it finished; placeholders and all).

Though, other than that self-imposed standard after releasing Dt-z's build to them, it's honestly pretty rewarding to see their reactions to Rexosh's shenanigans and to the game currently despite it not reaching my standard set for it. Quite a refresher. When you work on a game too hard and look at it too much, you start to see it from a lens that's too critical of its flaws and slowly forget of the things you are proud of. Makes me think about the things I feel about gamedevving as a whole; it's hard as hell and you *will* lose your mind a bit, but it's worth it in the end.

All things asset (UI, BGM, etc.)

With the implication of me sending out Dt-z's build to people other than me comes with the information that, indeed, I've finished making most (as in, the ones that the player will stumble onto without collecting certain items, etc.) of the maps' overlay lighting! It was tedious, a bit boring, but it was done; currently sitting at 98 files in the graphic's folder itself. And yes, that also includes the fancy sprites. While I did have to wrestle a bit with VX Ace's placement of them on the map itself (since on the editor itself, the event placement lies to you), I imported them on the editor and got most of the basic and fancy cutscene directing checked off my list. Got to say, me not using any overlay plugins for angel care's lighting made that part easier because with pictures, they do not go under the filter and stick out like a sore thumb. While it's the easier method, the visual dissonance doesn't stick to me.

Speaking of, the CGs are also on their way being polished. While I focused a lot this month on the core gameplay itself, this part will probably take up most of my time in April. Despite having one CG I liked in game, I have a feeling I'd have to resize the canvas a bit because I don't like how the other CG looks in-game. Anyway, here are previews of some of them in the early game:

Very small, but rest assured, they'll be resized once everything's set with them. I also realized along the way that VX Ace's screen size was just not compatible with how I tend to do my CG work now (small canvas, then resize) because the resizing percent isn't a whole number, so I've started to come up with a compromise to not ruin the pixels I placed down. A couple of special face portraits/in-world sprites have also been completed this month.

Thankfully, I figured out how to remove the status bars along with the face portrait elements whenever you pull up the menu to save/what have you this month, so the save screen looks less ugly than it was months ago. UI sounds have also been implemented within the game.

Anyway, suffice to say, I think this month marks the end of my BGM hunt. Now the game has a whole lot of atmosphere to it. Got to say, I really love Japanese sites for getting creative commons music. While Dt-z doesn't really have that much original tracks like angel care, I'll still upload them on here for the sake of archiving things.

Lore/puzzles

I think I forgot to say this last devlog because I was too focused on documenting my asset making, but, yes, there were some lore changes for the story to have more impact + the element of parallelism to be more evident. Thanks to talking through with this with my friend in vague terms (a very useful tactic), we figured out a way to deal with something that was bugging me in the story itself. Puzzles to get certain items for endings have been adjusted and coded in too.

For the old lore, I was thinking of including it in an artbook or a retrospective blog entry on here because I love talking about drafts + to compromise with making Dt-z free to play w/o any donations due to the license of some tracks used there.

What now?

Okay, so. From what we have here, these are the tell-tale signs of us reaching the latter half of asset making hell -- just a couple more fancy sprites and the rest of the CGs to go. April will be a veeery busy month for me both IRL and regarding this project. It'll be difficult because I have (of course) my wrist to worry about and my mental state regarding dealing with a handful people (lol). But, yes. At the latest, I could see May being the month where this releases, but realistically speaking, it could be June instead. I am... Both very excited and scared of those months for completely different reasons; I'd be closing a chapter in my life and beginning a new one. Looking back at where I was during AC/Dt-z now, it's kinda jarring and makes me feel sentimental in an odd way. But, for now, I'll be beating the heat and resting for a bit.

[itsjaywalkers]

hi lovey how are you <3

it's late—like,,,4am late—and im somehow spewing out actual sentences BUT i have a question and i've been debating on how to start this whole thing so ill just say fuck it n get it out there—how do you keep up with all your wips??? bc like,,,,i've started writing, and i LOVE it. it's so fun to have these ideas finally out in word format instead of just stuck in my head.

but i have a really bad habit of starting smth n then...moving on to smth else when inspiration strikes. i occasionally go back to what i was originally writing, but even then it doesn't last long before im starting a whole new story 😭 im a little peeved as i've completely abandoned this one writing i slaved away at for days abt the backstory of one of my ocs—im somewhat proud of it n i don't want to just not get back into it.

as i write this, im currently staring at my laptop as i churn out yet another story of said oc (along with multiple other ocs myself n a friend made together) n im just,,,perplexed?? i suppose, on how so many fic writers keep up with all their wips.

i realize now that im just droning on n on so ill end here. writing is a bitch but also feels me with accomplishment when i do end up finishing smth, so i was just curious as to how you work around wips n things like that.

hello darling, i'm okay!! kinda dreading today's shift, but it is what it is. how are u tho??

and to be honest with u, i don't keep up with my wips like . at all . i do try to maintain some order, and sometimes i forbid myself from working on a story in favour of focusing on another one, but it doesn't always work, and there are times in which i really want to work on a fic even tho it's not a priority or supposed to be posted any time soon. but still, i try not to beat myself up over it, bc fanfiction is a hobby and something that i do for fun!! it shouldn't feel like a chore, so even if i do want to keep a schedule or alternate between wips so i can have some resemblance of balance, it's not really necessary, or even possible, considering the amount of wips i have lmao. it's our work and our writing, we're free to never finish anything if we don't want to, or to write 13847872648 fics at the same time, or to write only one for the rest of our lives. there are no rules or a right way to go about it yk??? i totally get the need to . focus on just one project, or at least be able to finish something, anything, but it'll happen at some point, i promise, and u should never force yourself, especially when it comes to an activity u do bc u love it and enjoy it

it's different if we talk about original fiction or original characters.. at least in my case!! i didn't get into writing fanfic until a few years ago, but i've been writing original stories since i can remember!! in fact there's this one i'm very slowly making progress with, that i came up with back when i was 17, and that i really want to . finish someday and hopefully try and publish it. for me, and when i'm really passionate about a project, like with this one, i do . force myself to not write anything else . it's inevitable to get new ideas, so i write them down, i make pinterest boards and even outlines, and occassionally, i also start them, write a lil of them when i need a break or to scratch the itch. but otherwise i just . do my best to stick to the one that i really love and i'm the proudest of. i do tend to hyperfixate and obsess a lot, so it's not THAT hard for me, bc even if i do get distracted sometimes, i always come back to this story. especially since i've been working on it for almost 5 years now, and i know it like the back of my hand. i could write three prequels and four sequels lol

so really, i don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about this. one of my best friends, and a writer i quite admire, jumps from a wip to another all the time, and also struggles to finish a story, but she just . trusts the process . lets herself have fun and write whatever she wants every day . it's been a while since she last finished something but she isn't too worried yk?? she enjoys what she does, and what matters is that she keeps writing. every person is different, and the way they approach writing is, too!!

my advice is to try and find out what works best for u and to stop beating yourself up over something that might be out of ur control. if u have this one story that's really important to u and that u really wanna finish, then maybe ur gonna have to practise some self-discipline, and force yourself a little, forbid yourself from getting distracted with these other shiny new ideas. but if doing that ruins the whole thing for u and sucks the fun out of writing then . take it one day at a time, focus on something different each day, and start 4 stories in the same week. it doesn't matter babe!! writing is an art, there's not a correct way to do it!!

[iztopher]

sits coquettishly. bats eyelashes. i'm not going to say answer every question this time because i respect that you have many others thing to do over answering 48 questions in a row, and thus: 5, 12, 15, 24, 36, 42, 50!

EHEHE THANK U BOTH FOR UR MERCY AND UR ENTHUSIASM

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now! (don't you dare go down)

"Hey, Iz, you frequently list don't you dare go down as your favorite fic you've written, even though it's years old at this point. Why?"

I'm really proud of this fic for several reasons: I overall still really like the writing, people consistently compliment my favorite lines on it so it makes me confident I got across what I wanted to say, it covers some of my favorite te'ijalahad concepts.

I love this fic because, more than any fic I've written, it's essentially distilled headcanons. I knew, for years, that I wanted to write a fic about Te'ijal patching up Galahad after the fight where he got the scar across his eye, and a fic about Galahad reflecting on Te'ijal after the tower scene. I came up with the idea of Te'ijal getting scarred from the tower scene and realized I had the opportunity to put it in a fic. I kept thinking up ideas about Te'ijal helping Galahad with his injuries, and then about him always wearing armor and how that reflects on his (dis)comfort with her. I love the genre of te'ijalahad fic that's understated improvement in their relationship simply through the contrast of how it used to be and how it is now. And I got to include all of that in this fic!! I love it, and it means that people reading it are essentially listening to me ramble about a lot of my favorite ideas for my favorite characters.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

I answered meta already - but I'm blanking on others, honestly. I feel like trope-wise my tastes have narrowed, but more generally they've broadened and I like reading about more characters/ships/headcanons than I used to.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

"AU" is a hard genre for this question actually. If we mean strictly alternative universe, I've only ever written one, which wins by default: left undead.

If we expand it to "canon divergence", then my favorite AU I've written is one I never cleaned up or, uh, finished well enough to post, called only "stella kills gyendal AU". I don't think I'll ever end up finishing it, but mostly because I think I'm going to end up mixing it into my TDP rewrite!

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they? (now we're two of a crime)

okay this does not have any easter eggs but while rereading it to confirm that i jumpscared myself with myst referring to banana boy, so i guess it's a reverse easter egg LMAO

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

I genuinely have no idea how to answer this question. I think I do, but my visualization is so clipped and vague that calling it that doesn't feel fully accurate. I have to make a point to visualize when I'm writing, but I do make that point a lot.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

I've had comments on both ill-conceived and you try so loud to love me that feel too personal to repeat here, generally stuff where my fic really resonated with someone or made them rethink something, and that feeling is maybe the best feeling I've ever had as a result of writing.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

i miss writing (sobs) i haven't had the time and/or brain energy for it since classes started back up! i also really want to finish the fic i'm currently working on, i started it like two years ago and i'm so ready for it to be done jksdfld but i'm just having so much trouble getting the tone right. i hope i can knock it out in the next month or so

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #58

It is 11PM where I live. But I am finally home. M and all our cats were waiting for J and I to return home. It's good to be back.

I ended up going to sleep very late the night before, and the sleep I did get was very broken. Then we woke up at around 6am. I have less than 6 hours of sleep, and over 7 hours of being in a car; it's hard to keep my eyes open as I write this. But I wanted you to know that you are being thought about by someone, somewhere. And I wanted to show you all the beautiful things I saw today. I'll leave pictures and brief explanations of them; I think that's all I can muster, because words are hard right now.

The hotel we stayed at in Pennsylvania had breakfast! I'll show you the lineup; you'll catch my reflection in some glass in one of these, if you look carefully:

Here's what the rest of the dining area looked like:

This is the plate I fixed for myself! I know it doesn't look fancy, but it's still very good:

This is the small table that J and I sat at to eat:

These flowers are made of cloth, but I still really liked how they looked as the morning sun splashed upon them!

Here are some pictures of the airplane that J examined after we were done with breakfast:

While J and the mechanics went over the plane, I decided to pass the time by finishing up weaving that tree. It's still amethyst on copper wire. Been working on this one a while now; good to finally have it done:

While weaving this tree, I was lucky enough to converse briefly with the pilot who is selling the plane. He has made a whole career of flying airplanes, and he has been all over the world! I felt very privileged to be able to listen to his stories and to hear him speak fondly on cultures that are very different from the dominant culture in the United States. It was very rare and refreshing; I feel like a lot of people in my country tend to look down on other cultures, and I feel very sad in response to that. I'm glad that this person doesn't turn his nose up at people who live differently than he does.

The plane that J examined was in good shape! I think he feels good about going with this one! I am excited for him, and I'm very proud of him for all the things he's had to overcome in order to get to the point where he felt he could do such a thing.

Before we left, I affixed this to the whiteboard at the airport over there:

It's just a very small thing. I imagine no one will pay it any heed. But still... if there's some way I can help you, any way I can help you to turn yourself around, to bring you safely home, to see a world in which you can have peace... I'll do whatever I can think of. But I'm not very smart, admittedly. So all my weird handicrafts, these letters, this request on your behalf... this is the best I have, at least for now. I'm sorry that I can't seem to do more.

...Still, I daydream sometimes of a world in which you have a quiet house to yourself, someplace where your friends can easily find and visit you if you want, but also where no one can bother you if you don't want folks to come around. A garden. Maybe some beekeeping equipment. A lake or ocean nearby if you wanna go swimming. A nice kitchen with a lot of space to prepare all sorts of tasty things. A spot to paint pictures. A spot to read wholesome things. Plenty of flavorful teas. Soaps scented with roses and vanilla. Fluffy towels. A nice big tub to soak in at the end of the day, if you want to - big enough even for you to stretch fully in and still be submerged. A toasty fireplace. Plenty of comfortable, but sturdy clothing, and warm, fuzzy pajamas. Soft beds and comfy pillows and weighted blankets. And a reasonably sized screen to put Mushi-Shi on (I think you'd like this series; very mysterious and awe-inspiring). Maybe a few cats, or dogs.

I dream of peace and wholesomeness for you. A life in which you don't have to fight if you don't want to. A life in which you are not commodified, objectified, and consumed by other people who care nothing for who you are, instead prioritizing whatever prestige that they think they can get from being in your presence. I can't even begin to imagine how stressful such a thing must be for you. I'd probably end up feeling overwhelmed and very lonely almost all the time in such a position. I'm sorry you had to deal with this for such a long time.

...In any case. I managed to snag this picture of the sky on the way back:

...But then it started to snow, and the snow chased us all the way back home. The scenery on the way looked like this the entire way back: whited out, blurry, and with poor visibility:

Though I couldn't get any good pictures of scenery for you, we did pass a lot of roadsigns with funny, interesting, or curious city names. Some of my favorites were:

Toftrees Waddle Altoona (this one is fun to say! "Al-tooooona!" give it a try, haha!) Sayre Tipton Hollidaysburg Gallitzin (is this the name of a city or a Pokemon? Haha!) Hollsopple McElhattan (mackel-hatten!! Dunno if that's right, but it's fun to say!) Waverly Lounsberry

...There were more silly ones. And a place called "Rubisch Road" that I laughed entirely too hard at because I pronounced it as "rubbish", even though it might be "roobish". J was very amused at my cackling! Ahahaha~!

We stopped for snacks at a Wendy's. It's a burger place that isn't especially high quality, but it's still pretty yummy! The employees in the back seemed stressed out, so after we put in our order, I made sure to meet their eyes and thank them. The one in the purple shirt got a great big smile on his face, and it was beautiful. It's important to treat people like people, especially when they're stuck for a long time doing a job in which most people talk down to them, berate them, refuse to acknowledge them, and generally fail to treat them like actual human beings. Service industry jobs like these are some of the hardest ones there are, so it baffles me that they pay so little.

When when we got our food, there was an extra order of fries. The manager, who had bangs dyed blue and a grin on her face said that there had been a "miscommunication", and somehow that led to us getting free fries, I guess??? I certainly won't complain, because they're pretty tasty!

We drove for a long time, and then we needed gas. So we stopped at a place called "Sheetz". I wanted to see what kinds of snacks they had, because snacks are essential for any road trip! And I ended up finding SOCKS!! Specifically, unicorn and rainbow heart print cozy socks!! I was not expecting that, hahaha! I took a picture of them after we got home. Here:

...You can bet that I'll be wearing different ones on each foot! Because that is how I do!!

...Fwhoof. It's really getting hard for me to formulate sentences and to keep my eyes open. I wanna write more to you, because I had so many more ideas, but... it's almost 12:30am now, where I live. I have to go to bed, or else I might turn back into a pumpkin (wait, what???)!!!

Hey, you. Don't forget, okay? You're lovable and worthy and good. And you gotta keep yourself safe and you gotta make it through the end of it all okay this time, or else lots of people are going to be really, really sad. Understand? Make good, kind, gentle, and peaceful choices so that you can come back home. We're all waiting for you. We're whispering little lullabies, just for you. You're not alone.

I'll write again tomorrow, as I always do.

Your friend, Lumine

[stormcrow513]

Hagging Out October 2022 Hallowtide

Me and Mittens and Me and Circe in my best Witchy outfit Circe is also wearing a witch hat,

So October has been pretty fucking busy and hectic this year, and it just felt different too,

While I know Samhain doesn't have a specific date as it changes seasonally, typically for me I start feeling the season around mid to late August picking up steam throughout September and October peaking on Halloween and slowly rolling into yuletide in early November,

This year however I felt that first brush on August first, and I didn't feel that peak on Halloween, still writing this November 2nd haven't felt that usual peak,

I'm not sure why, maybe it's that while it started getting the fall chill early this year the plants haven't gone to bed, the leaves in my yard haven't dropped fully, barely at all really, there's still so much green left on everything, this is not normal here, so maybe it's climate change, changing Hallowtide as well,

Could be the loss, I spent months with Shy battling her cancer as it slowly ripped her away from me in pieces, to culminate in lossing her September 8th, it's exhausting loss, I'll like spend the rest of the year with metaphorical lead weights dragging my ass down,

Could be that I'm just changing getting older, I'm 30 and nothing in me is as it was, I got my first grey hairs at 23 my knees have always been shitty and my back started joining em, and worse of all my ribs on my left hurt a lot of the time, but with all that has come more experience as a Witch I'm sensing things better and better, after all this time doing magic pursuing this road, I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere,

I wanted to jam as much as I could into this month since for whatever reason October tends to be my most productive month, so I started this month out with @windvexer Red Pepper Spellbreaker which started me out on a good place, though I still felt a little blocked after so right before Hekate's Deiphon I did it again then did a Gate Opening with Hekate after I put Her offerings out on Her night,

I also started out the month by restarting my book Psychic Witch, I'd gotten fairly far into the book and then got stuck on an exercise and sorta fell off working it so I thought I'd start on Exercise one and do one each day for all 31 days, and then to keep going til I got to where is gotten stuck which was on Exercise 37, as a way to kinda reset myself, so I can finish this book, I succeeded and as I want through these Exercises I found myself getting more out of them then my pervious attempt, I found some easier and others found myself in deeper then I'd ever gotten, I'm proud of what I've accomplished with it this month

I also started on the Monday after the full moon on Sunday doing LTZS Witchual Workout, I wanted a way to exercise, to connect with my body and to connect with various energies some which I've never worked with before, I've done some of these in the past at random and found them helpful, so I synced up with them as best I could, I'm of today 24 days into it, I've made it even more of a ritual by giving an offering of water and flame to each energy invoked, as well as finishing with some yoga stretches to avoid cramping up, and meditation,

As to my ancestors I have managed for hmm maybe a year now to do daily offering of water to them, though I been cleaning their altar and adding something extra on Halloween, this year it didn't feel right, maybe cause I was tired maybe cause I'd had a distressing dream of my passed sister that reminded of the angry I still hold for her, which made me want to avoid her picture on the altar, either way I didn't manage to do it on Halloween I just renewed the water glass, though I intend to clean and set out more in the next couple days,

I did get my now yearly Pumpkin cheesecake made with my home grown pumpkins, I had my biggest haul ever with them this year! Though a couple didn't finish ripening and the vines died before they could finish and one big one went rotten before I could cut them up for some reason,

I still have a few to chop and boil as I couldn't fit em all in the pan that was clean so oops,

Anyway I think that covers it mostly, I didn't get much done on Halloween itself and I still have an Ritual to Persephone and Hades to perform along with my formal Ancestor work but I want to get this out while I've got the spoons, so

Love to you all, I hope you all had great Halloweens ect, and that all our next cycles be what we need and hopefully kind

Thanks and love especially to @pagan-stitches for being our lovely host this month 🌹

[firstelevens]

hi zainab!!! 💫 🌈 🎀 🤲💌 for the fic writer asks?

[Barbie voice] Hi Mak! Thank you for sending these in! 💕

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Honestly I'm verklempt any time someone decides to leave a comment, but it is absolutely my kryptonite when they choose to highlight a specific line or moment in the fic that they loved. I don't know what the magic is but so often the thing that gets highlighted is a bit that I was nervous about and it always makes me happy to know that I managed to make it work. (See also: any time someone says they can picture the characters delivering the dialogue that I wrote.)

🌈 is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I think I mentioned in the author's note on chapter 4 of the Bake Off AU (aka Bread Week) that I'd struggled with writing the chapter, but I'm not sure if I ever made it clear how much I'd struggled? Like, I joked a lot that it took two years to get the Bake Off AU finished, and a big part of that delay was me not knowing how to write that conflict in chapter four, and nothing else could happen until I'd made that happen. I fought it so hard and gave up repeatedly and distracted myself by making the cake chart and writing fake tweets but I really thought the fic would never get done because I couldn't get past that scene. Everything I came up with felt melodramatic or not involved enough or out of character and it simply was not happening.

And then I started posting the fic anyway, because I thought I might trick myself into being brave, and then when I got to chapter four, Emma literally called me on the telephone and basically held my hand through it and I managed to make it happen. I'm still very proud of that.

🎀 give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I feel like I usually have the same answer to questions like this, so I will change things up and say that I think I write non-romantic relationships pretty well, actually? I know I mostly write shippy fic so it doesn't come up as much, but I think I've been able to put texture and history into friendships and familial relationships and I'm proud of that.

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing?

I've been telling myself and others stories for so much longer than I've been posting them on the internet, and on my best days, I think that really is the thing I'm searching for while writing: if I do it right, I get to watch the unfolding of a story that I would really like to read, and I know it would never exist in that way if I hadn't sat down to create it.

I also just really like connecting with people over over storytelling? Whether that's going back and forth with someone in the comments or chatting about an AU with a friend or having a person with whom I am allowed to be my most creative and silly and indulgent authorly self, I don't think I would ever get that in quite the same way if I wasn't writing.

💌 share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Okay well first of all chapter two of the Bake Off AU prequel is up and it is SUCH a fun time and everyone should read it.

However that fic is fully written and therefore technically not a WIP, so instead I will say that the Formula 1 AU grows in scope by the day and I recently had to increase the chapter count because I'd outlined an interaction that Sam and Bucky have with Steve and Peggy's daughter and that grew so rapidly on its own that I needed to reserve a whole other chapter for plot progression stuff because I couldn't squeeze it in. Sometimes you simply must devote a whole chapter to Wholesome Uncle Energy.