#It's so gay and dramatic. It's perfect! It made me so happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week in BL - It’s My Birthday!

April 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Thai Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 2 of 10 (MDL says 12, but Gaga says 10) - Baby made a friend! Yay. I hope they stay friends. Up looks so good. Also, drama with exes! Excellent. This is awful grown up for a BL, esp a pulp. I think it may be more just a gay office romance than BL, but I love it no matter what.

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - I love it. Strange premise to get at the fated mates trope but it stars one of my top picks to get his own BL. Been waiting since TT2 for this boy to feature. Tai is cute. It’s good. Except the singing. But we can’t have it all.

Our Skyy 2 (Star in My Mind) eps 3-4 - Dao is THE MOST SPOILED. But clearly Kluen prefers it that way. This was cute, but frankly a little bit boring. Kluen is clearly Thai for whipped. 8/10

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - they added an additional ep because, why not? It’s a soap not a story, it doesn’t matter. MOAR softness for usssss! Drama llama boys continue to be overdramatic to the point of melodramatic to the point of ludicrous-dramatic.

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 12 eps - This is not as good as My Engineer but Marc makes for a much better pair with Cooper. It’s still not great but hey… and then HE PICKED UP A GUITAR. NOOOOOO!!!!!

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 9 of 12 - Is that a character in a GMMTV show actually trying to communicate? Say it isn’t so! Did you notice in order to calm Cher down Gun dropped to pom to put them on a more equal footing? Sweet. Cher is a tiny idiot for taking the blame for some random other coworker. Why? Omg this show.

The Promise (Thai Weds YT & WeTV) ep 6 of 10 - So it was a real serious total kiss kiss with both very drunk. And that’s why he ran? Sigh. This show sucks. How can we root for this couple especially when the faen fatal (Boss) is THAT HOT and so sweet. (To be fair I can’t decide if I want Boss or his outfits more). Phu should just not come back, who needs him? So they really are going to just keep drawing this one premise out the whole show?

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - yawn

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - They are cutest EVER - charming and awkward and sweet. I love the way the state of the food is used as an illustration for the state of the emotions of the characters. The loneliness of heating up a solitary meal bought from a convenience store in the microwave. The joy of memory of shared meals. What a lovely show.

The Eighth Sense (Korea Weds Viki) eps 9-10fin - To be honest, I was dreading this one. JH is such a first-time love bebe. I liked how realistic everybody’s behavior was to the university age bracket. We even got some proper boyfriends phase which is too damn cute for words. I do not think that JW should have made up with his evil friend. I love the way JW’s shoulders relax the moment he sees JH. This was really good show...

One of the longest BLs Korea has given us and (like Blueming) it feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with good chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?). This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them, with tons angst driving the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled but it did have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot. 9/10 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Happy Merry Ending (Korea Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 8 - No shade (ha!) but I do think Leo would have been better in the role of the singer (SJ) but I’m okay with Dongwon. JH is a nice flirty bit of sunshine. SJ is clearly the most anxiety-riddled socially awkward broken baby evers. I’m not sure about this kinda angst, it’s not really my thing especially on the back of The Eighth Sense. Look, I’ve never been one for a fixer-upper. We shall see, I guess? This is the beauty of KBL, so short most of the time that it’s low commitment no matter my reservations.

My Story (Pinoy Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 10 - it’s fine I guess?

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 12 - I guess the fetish matches are finding each other? How v Japan. Of course I like the conversation about names and protocols.

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Venus in the Sky (Sat YouTube) pilot/tester?) 0 of 10 - not entirely sure what’s up with this one distribution-wise, but the pilot was classic university-set pulp. I hope it happens because the leads are cute with good chemsitry and I thought it was fun. However, this pilot holds together as its own little short too.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) stars Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish, based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Same as above.

Stormy Honeymoon (Vietnam) - I’m tired of these characters

In Case You Missed It

Star Hunter dropped all their trailers for 2023 on their YT channel. Bit late in the year IMHO. Nothing really stuck out.

Big Dragon the movie = more of the same

True Moon = yet another loosely disguised attempt at the 2 Moons franchise?

Flirt Milk = standard pulp fodder, but they are cute

Acadex = The Eclipse + Destiny Seeker + Harry Potter 4 + The CW, as a movie that may not be BL

Sunset Vibes = Big Dragon pair as a one night stand but “uh-oh he’s my boss!” I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story? Maybe it will have a plot? Maybe... oh who am I kidding. It’ll be high heat and that’s about all we can hope for.

City of Stars AKA Fueangnakorn = An actor falls in love with a programmer and the narrative intends to “explore the ramifications of being public figure in the social network era who must endure critics, bullying, and defamation.” Looks like another Lovely Writer/Call It What You Want sort of thing.

The biggest shocker is how few they fielded of their original BL stable.

ALSO:

Love Senior = SOTUS but make it GL (I’m not mad about this one, it’s about flipping time. But it’s GL so I won’t track it, although I will watch it.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Coming in May 2023:

5/1 House of Stars (Thai iQIYI) - An LGBTQ actor in love with an actor from another company, plus other wanna be stars all trapped in a doom house together.

5/4 Love Mate (Korea Viki) 8 eps- Office romance between a team leader and a new employee who agree to date for 3 months to find true love, from the makers of Our Dating Sim.

5/18 - Starstruck (Korea ????) - A boy has had a crush on his childhood friend for a long time. Stars Zuho (Kpop SF9 - noted Good Egg) opposite rookie actor Kim In Sung (as the one with the crush).

5/27 The Luminous Solution (Thai ????) 10 eps - Thana is having trouble at work and in his relationship. He can't seem to catch a break. So he makes a wish to change everything. But every wish has a price.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I do like a tie (or nametag) grab kiss. (Boss & Babe)

Our Skyy 2 SIMM ep summing it all up and reviewing itself.

Future the series, I like this reverse claiming thing. So cute.

The boyfriends eps are the BEST eps. The Eighth Sense.

I WANT BOSS’S OUTFITS.

My favorite, “there is only one bed but we slept together on the floor anyway.” (The Promise)

Now that is a claim that MUST be proved.

Loves the little babies with their killer communication style.

What do I always say about a BL that reviews itself? All from Destiny Seeker. (I’m getting caught up, I’ll post a review of the series when I’m done.)

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? UO’s Restart

173 notes · View notes

v0relino · 2 years

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(wc: 4.6k, reader uses she/her pronouns, heavy angst with a happy ending, steve is the most supportive best friend anyone could ask for, basically one big gay comfort fic)

sitting on the couch in eddie munson's trailer felt like the perfect way to spend your friday night. you were the first to arrive, soon followed by an exhausted looking steve with a hyper dustin swinging from his arm. the room was bustling with voices as eddie and dustin tried (and failed) to explain the entire lore of lord of the rings. you wanted to pay attention, truly, but your mind was elsewhere entirely.

"hey, are you even listening?" dustin called out to you. "this is important stuff we're talking about here!"

"hmm? sorry, yeah, i'm listening." you fibbed, silently crossing your fingers in hopes that they would believe you and not press the subject any further.

"what did i just say?" dustin continued, playfully pushing your buttons. you couldn't be mad at the kid, really. you just weren't in the mood today.

"something about mordor? sauron?" you winced, knowing full well that you weren't paying any attention at all. dustin just rolled his eyes dramatically and went back to regaling the group about the downfall of sméagol and the crippling power of the one ring. you hoped no one would notice the bothered look in your eyes, but as always, steve harrington could be counted upon.

not wanting to draw attention to you, steve quietly crossed the room to sit beside you on the couch, nudging you with his elbow and meeting your distant gaze.

"hey, you good?" he asked, trying not to show the concern etched into his features.

"fine. perfect. i am a-okay, harrington." you quipped, hoping your point would get across with as little effort from you as possible. steve wasn't buying it.

"come on. you know you can talk to me." he sounded so genuine that it almost made your heart sink. "you do know that, right?"

"of course." you pondered for a moment, deciding to just let it go for the time being. his brows were still tight with worry, so you gave him a small smile. "thanks, steve."

he gave you a quick pat on the back before getting up and walking over to the fridge to grab himself a water. he made his way back into the living room and returned to his seat beside dustin, opting to give you the space he could tell you needed.

several minutes passed, and the conversation between the boys had all but died down. eddie looked up at the clock, noticing how late it was, and spoke up.

"hey, weren't nancy and robin supposed to come over, too?" eddie questioned, looking over at steve before turning his gaze to you. your heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. you tried your best to calm your nerves before simply shrugging your shoulders.

"yeah, nance said they might be running late today. something about taking mike and will to the arcade and making sure they get home alright. they should be here soon." steve answered. you couldn't help but feel your heart race at the thought of the empty void on the couch next to you finally being filled by your favorite person. dustin's ears had also perked up, and a mischievous grin made its way onto his face.

"oh, robin's coming over?" he dragged out her name and raised his eyebrows at steve, nudging him harshly with his elbow. "how do you feel about that, steve?" in return, steve looked at dustin with an absolutely bewildered look on his face. you felt yourself look up at them before you could even tell your eyes to move.

"i mean yeah, robin's coming. so is nancy." steve replied, confusion taking up every inch of his face. "why do you ask?" meanwhile, you felt dread settle into your bones.

"steve, man, when are you gonna man up and ask her out?" dustin sighed loudly, clearly exasperated. there it was. you felt your heart sink down into your stomach, making you feel uneasy. steve just groaned.

"dustin, how many times do i have to tell you that robin and i are just friends?" steve said flatly. "she and i are platonic with a capital p!" dustin wasn't believing a single word coming out of steve's mouth.

"robin is in love with steve, i just know it!" dustin jumped up and declared, and you felt your entire soul leave your body. steve rolled his eyes and threw his head back in defeat, while eddie interjected in an attempt to calm the boy down.

"alright, let's lay off harrington for now, okay?" eddie said, pulling dustin back down to sit on the couch across from you. dustin just grumbled and glanced over at steve before delivering one final blow.

"seriously though, steve, ask her out. she's got the hots for you and it's so obvious." dustin muttered, significantly more quietly this time. you physically couldn't take it anymore. you stood up from your seat, dizzily lurching toward the front door, causing everyone in the room to look up at you with wide eyes.

"woah, hey. you okay?" eddie asked worriedly, moving to stand up until you waved him away with your hand.

"just feeling sick. need some fresh air." you barely got the words out before you were stumbling outside and into the cold october air. you hastily made your way behind the trailer, not noticing the door shutting behind you and the footsteps trying to keep up with your quick pace.

as soon as you felt like you were far enough from the chaos, you let your feet give out and landed on your knees with a thud. tears immediately began to prick at your eyes and cloud your vision. you didn't realize you were sobbing until a pair of hands reached down to rub your back.

you jumped slightly at the sudden contact, but quickly let your guard down when you realized the person kneeling beside you was just steve. without even thinking, you let yourself lean into him until his arms were wrapped around you, your shoulders shaking against his. after a few minutes, steve leaned back to check on you.

"you wanna talk about it?" he asked softly, his brows furrowed at your disheveled state. your heart ached with dread at the thought of telling steve why you were so upset, but ultimately you decided he deserved to know. you took in a deep, shaky breath and began to speak.

"do you like robin?" your voice sounded painfully hoarse. steve's eyes opened impossibly wide at your question. you tensed your muscles, preparing yourself for the impending crash of the world around you. instead, your ears were met with a quiet chuckle.

"you think i have a crush on robin?" steve asked, the corner of his mouth turning up into a smile. you looked up at him, dumbfounded. he took a step back and continued. "robin is my best friend. that's all she is."

you relaxed marginally, having faith that steve would never lie to you. he could see that you were still bothered by something, and then it hit him like a load of bricks. how did he not realize this sooner?

he contemplated saying something for several moments, not wanting to be presumptuous or make you feel uncomfortable. finally, after what felt like forever, he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"do you uh..." he froze, not knowing if this was the right thing to do or not. "do you like robin?" steve's voice was barely above a whisper, careful to keep the conversation only between the two of you. you felt your stomach churn while fresh tears threatened to spill, and steve was quick to reassure you.

"hey, you're okay. everything is okay. you know i care about you no matter what, yeah?" his voice was gentle, and you nodded before feeling your shoulders tremble once more and looked down. steve's hands were on your shoulders in a heartbeat.

"you should talk to her, you know. i really think she'd understand." he tried his best to convince you, but that was the last thing you wanted to hear. you shot your head up to look at him and shook your head apprehensively.

"no way in hell am i going to do that, steve. that is the worst idea you've ever had." you felt bad for shooting him down so quickly, but what else were you supposed to do? tell robin you've been in love with her since the very first time you saw her perform at a hawkins high football game? tell her how your stomach erupts with butterflies every time you meet her eyes in a crowd? or how you've counted and memorized every single freckle on her face like they were stars in a constellation? you couldn't handle that kind of rejection. no, you'd rather admire robin buckley from a safe distance in order to save yourself from imminent heartbreak.

"you've counted all of robin's freckles?" steve asked with a quiet laugh. shit, did you say all of that out loud? "how many are there?" you rolled your eyes and playfully shoved steve's arm. just as you were about to come up with some snarky remark to throw at him, you both heard the unmistakable hum of nancy's car pulling into eddie's driveway. just like that, your entire facade melted away and your hands began to shake. steve looked at you and made one last plea.

"please just trust me. robin will understand, i know she will. i need you to trust me. i just want you to be happy." steve's voice came in quick bursts as he looked between you and the front of the trailer. your head was spinning and your thoughts were whipping around inside your head so fast that you thought it might split open.

you heard both car doors slam shut and the sound of nancy and robin talking as they walked toward the front door. something nancy said must have been funny, because you both heard a melodic laugh that you knew without a doubt belonged to robin. you couldn't control the smile that crept its way onto your face, which steve was quick to notice, and it made his heart swell.

"do you trust me?" he asked, turning to walk toward the front of the trailer. you felt dread seep into your skin again, but you knew deep down that steve would never betray your trust. you took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly before nodding.

"i trust you." you told him hesitantly, and that was all he needed to hear. before you knew it, steve was jogging back to the front door and your heart began to race again. what if this ruins everything? what if robin thinks you're weird? what if she doesn't even like girls? lightheadedness began to overtake you, so you sat on the grass and leaned your back against the trailer, silently waiting for the scariest moment of your life to finally arrive.

by the time steve made it back to the living room, robin was about to sit down on the couch next to nancy. he motioned for her to come talk to him by the door and, surprisingly, dustin didn't have another outburst at the sight of robin immediately gravitating toward steve. steve didn't even get a single word out before robin was speaking frenetically.

"she isn't here?" robin's voice sounded dejected and defeated, like her hopes had been crushed right in front of her. "i thought she was... well, i mean i thought we were all hanging out tonight. is she okay?" she sounded legitimately worried, and steve sensed a familiar ache in her voice that he'd heard in yours just moments ago.

"she's here, actually. she's out back." steve replied quietly, and robin looked through the front window and sighed nervously.

"it's freezing out there. what if she gets sick?" she pondered anxiously, as if you were a fragile flower that couldn't handle a little bit of frost. steve chuckled to himself.

"she needs to talk to you, rob." he told her, and robin's eyes widened with anxiety.

"me? why? did i do something wrong?" robin's voice was shaking slightly, and steve quickly assured her that nothing bad was going to happen.

"do you trust me?" he asked, looking down to meet her eyes. "you know i would never put you in a bad situation, robin." she knew he was right. steve was her best friend, and she knew he'd never do anything that would hurt her. she took a deep breath and nodded.

"where did you say she was?" she asked, inwardly cursing the way her voice shook.

steve pointed outside. "she's around back. big goofy grin, you won't miss her."

robin chuckled to herself as she walked outside and closed the door behind her before mumbling to herself. "i sure won't."

you were sitting in the grass playing with your fingers when you noticed robin turning the corner. as soon as your eyes met you shot up, your nerves already pounding inside your head. as she approached you, you clutched your hands together and tried your best to will them to stop trembling. when she was directly in front of you, she looked down and noticed your hands shaking, feeling her heart sink at how cold you must be.

"look at you, you're probably freezing out here." she gently scolded you, sliding her own jacket off her arms and handing it to you. you looked at her hesitantly and she persisted. "please put it on. i don't want you to get sick out here."

"thanks, rob." your voice was hardly a whisper as you pulled her jacket over your arms and zipped it up. it smelled like her. it was warm. you cursed yourself for nearly getting lost in your thoughts again. robin sat on the ground and patted the grass beside her, beckoning you to sit with her.

"steve said you needed to talk to me?" she questioned as you lowered yourself onto the cold earth beside her. you felt your chest tighten at her words, anxiety coursing through your veins.

robin must have noticed how tense you were, because she reached her hand out to touch your knee, having no idea that the contact would only cause the fog in your mind to become even more palpable. you felt your throat dry out and you tried to look anywhere but robin's worried eyes, opting to stare at the grass beneath your feet instead.

"hey, whatever it is i'm sure it'll be okay." robin squeezed your knee gently. "you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. i'm sure steve is just being silly." you shook your head and she tilted her own to the side in a questioning look.

"he's not being silly. he's just looking out for me, i guess, but i'm too much of a coward to fix my own problems." you mumbled, and it took robin a second to decipher what you had said. she shook her head and lowered herself to meet your eyes. "i'm a coward." you finished, chuckling dryly.

"why would you think that?" she asked, her voice laced with confusion and concern. you were intensely aware of her face mere inches from yours, and your heart felt like it was about to burst. robin looked at you patiently, allowing you to collect your thoughts. you drew in a shuddering breath before speaking lowly.

"there's this ache inside my chest, robin. i don't know how to make it stop. it's like it's been there since the day i was born." you began, unsure of where you were planning to go. robin listened closely, taking your words to heart. "it's like it's as much a part of me as my soul is. it's like i have to hide from everyone around me, including myself. i can't even look at myself in the mirror because all i see is someone who runs from every single one of their problems." you were talking so quickly you barely had time to gasp for air in between your words.

"you don't have to hide from me. you never have to hide from me." robin spoke softly, moving to instead sit on her knees in front of you. "life can be so fucking scary sometimes, and i know that. trust me, i definitely know that." her voice was so quiet that you almost believed you were imagining it. slowly, she reached out her hands to hold your trembling ones, moving so carefully it was like she was afraid you would break. the moment her fingers met yours, it was like your whole world came collapsing down all at once.

fresh tears began pooling in your eyes, blinding you, and robin was quick to notice. she gently released your hands, and instead moved to hold your face in her palms. you instinctively tried to raise your hands to your face in an attempt to hide, but her elbows stopped you. she shook her head and frowned.

"please don't hide from me. i want to help you so badly. i know that even though i'm..." she paused for a moment, evidently beginning to get emotional. she took a deep breath to steady herself and continued. "even though i'm not good at so many things, please at least let me try." by the time she finished speaking, her voice was barely above a choked whisper. it was dark outside but you were sure you saw tears running down her rosy cheeks.

now it was your turn to reach your hands out, wiping her her cheeks with your thumbs and finally raising your gaze to find her eyes already locked on yours. instantly you felt your face heating up, a stark contrast to the chilly air around you. you almost wanted to get up and run away, but something about the look in robin's eyes kept you cemented in place. you wanted to speak, but no words would come. finally, robin broke the silence.

"your eyes are so pretty." her voice was nearly inaudible, almost like it was a secret only meant for herself. she looked at you like she was lost in thought, much like you had been just moments ago. she seemed to realize what she'd said because, seconds later, she was stuttering and stumbling her way through an unexpected apology.

"god, i'm sorry. that probably sounded, like, super weird." her face was getting rosier by the second. you could tell she wanted to run away, too, so you pondered for a moment before opening your mouth to speak.

"your freckles are... pretty." you were shocked at the sound of your own voice, not to mention the fact that you just said that to robin's face. her eyes went wide in disbelief, and you decided to just go big or go home. "you're really pretty, actually. not just your freckles." you must have looked terrified, because robin began rubbing comforting circles against your cheeks with her thumbs. she was almost speechless.

almost.

"you... you think i'm pretty?" her voice sounded far away, your mind far too occupied with the constellations scattered across robin's face. "actually pretty?" you snapped back to reality at the shakiness in robin's voice. her eyes were misty, but even in the dimly lit backyard you couldn't miss the way her deep blue eyes looked like oceans. usually you were terrified of the ocean, afraid that it would swallow you up and drag you down into its depths. robin's ocean eyes made you feel safe and secure and serene. it was in those eyes that you found the courage to speak.

"so beautiful." your voice was soft, like you were dreaming and didn't want to wake yourself up. your anxiety from moments ago was almost entirely melted away, replaced with calm admiration. robin was a good person. she would never look at you differently or treat you differently if you opened up to her. of this you were certain.

robin shakily let out a breath she didn't even realize she'd been holding. she gathered up all the courage she possibly could and brought a finger up to gently pull a stand of hair behind your ear. she took a long breath and decided now was as good a time as any.

"can i kiss you?" robin almost regretted the words the second they fell past her lips. you could have sworn you were hearing things. your mind was racing again, unsure of how to respond. robin's anxiety seemed to get the best of her, because a few seconds later she was on her feet and pacing around in front of you. with her hands in her hair, she began apologizing profusely.

"god, what is wrong with me? fuck, i am so sorry. i can't believe i just said that. you probably think i'm some weirdo now, and you probably don't even wanna be friends with me anymore." her words were moving faster than a bullet. you were sitting in the grass, completely stunned, but when robin started to panic and walk away, you knew you had to do something quickly.

you were on your feet in a heartbeat, catching up with robin and gently grabbing her wrist. when she turned to face you, your heart shattered at the fear on her face. her bottom lip was trembling and she looked like she was about to say something. before she could apologize again, you broke the silence.

"robin, you are hands down the most beautiful person i have ever met in my entire life. you're kind and smart and funny, and you're so talented; it blows my mind. you're amazing." your voice was much louder than you had anticipated, emotion dripping from every word. robin looked at you like you had just come down from the heavens above. you took a step closer, reaching down to hold her hands in yours. lowering your voice, you concluded. "you're perfect."

"perfect? you think i'm perfect?" her voice sounded incredulous. you gave her a small nod and her lip started to quiver again. you carefully released her hands and instead rested your palms on either side of her neck. at first, robin had no idea what to do with her hands, so she awkwardly held them between the two of you. when you noticed them and giggled, she finally gathered the courage to rest her hands on your waist. her head felt floaty, but she chalked it up to whatever this moment was. you looked at the way she was trying not to smile and sighed contently.

"i think i'll take that kiss now." you heard your voice before you felt it, but you weren't complaining. robin was stunned, frozen in place for a few seconds. your thumbs rubbing circles on her jawline brought her back to reality. this was happening. as if on autopilot, robin stepped forward and leaned down, closing the gap between you.

the moment your lips met was like everything you'd ever dreamed it would be. the kiss itself wasn't anything hugely dramatic. there were no firework explosions or bursts of passion like in the movies. robin's kiss was short, but that felt right. everything with robin felt right.

pulling away was the hardest part, your lips suddenly aware of the icy chill in the air. the look on robin's face? now that was the best part. her cheeks were the deepest shade of pink you'd ever seen them, and her eyes creased from how big her smile was. her hands moved to the small of your back as she spoke.

"holy shit, i just kissed you. you kissed me? we kissed?" her voice was absolutely elated, and you couldn't stop the huge smile that was forming on your face. robin was almost in her own world for a moment, excitedly drumming her hands on your back and dancing around like no one was watching.

but you were watching.

and robin was okay with that.

after she calmed down a bit, you suggested going back inside so that everyone knew the two of you didn't just vanish. really you just wanted to get robin inside so she wouldn't freeze to death, seeing as how she continuously refused to take her jacket back. she persisted that your warmth was far more important than hers, and she wasn't about to lose that argument.

as you approached the front door of eddie's trailer, robin reached down and held your hand in hers. you looked at her cautiously, but she just squeezed your hand and nodded. she was ready. she didn't feel the need to hide anymore, and neither did you. you were in this together, and that gave you the strength to finally open the door and face everyone.

not even a second after the two of you entered, steve was already up and walking over to you. he engulfed both of you in a hug until you weren't sure you could breathe anymore. when he backed away, steve harrington was crying. he sucked in a short breath and spoke.

"finally, you guys." he laughed, clearly trying to downplay how emotional he was getting. you and robin saw right through his facade, and you tugged him over for another hug. "i just want my best friends to be happy, you know? want what's best for you guys." steve excused himself to the couch, chugging down the rest of his water and insisting that he was not crying.

"you two love doves finally have a talk or what?" eddie's voice rang out, while nancy just looked at the two of you with a huge grin on her face. robin was swinging your hand in hers, smile wide and eyes bright. she nodded excitedly and eddie smiled warmly. "good. about damn time, too."

"don't think i'm third wheeling, you guys. you're still stuck with me, so don't try and get rid of me." nancy chimed in, her eyes full of amusement. eddie and steve chuckled quietly.

"we wouldn't dream of it, nance. you're always gonna be our best friend." robin gave her a heartfelt look. you nodded your head in agreement and smiled. steve sniffled and spoke up.

"i'm your best friend." he raised his hand, pretending to be offended. you and robin chuckled, and steve just gave a toothy grin.

suddenly, the bathroom door swung open. dustin waltzed into the living room and plopped down onto the couch, oblivious to everything that had just happened. he noticed the weight in the room and did a quick glance around. it didn't take long for him to notice robin's hand tangled in yours. he scanned over everyone in the room, paying especially close attention to steve.

"uhh... what's going on? what did i miss?" dustin asked with a quizzical expression on his face. robin just laughed.

"i'm gay, dustin." robin spoke with so much confidence that steve had to will himself to not cry again. you looked up at her and smiled, squeezing her hand.

"yeah, me too." you added, chuckling to yourself at the bewildered look on dustin's face, while steve cried for the second time that night. eddie and nancy looked just as amused as you. dustin's eyes crinkled into a smile as he finally connected all the dots, steve's words finally making sense to him.

"that's awesome, you guys." dustin's cheesy smile was clearly evident in his voice, and it made you smile even more.

so as you and robin settled onto the couch beside nancy, and robin absentmindedly wrapped her arm around you while laughing at one of steve's corny jokes, you looked around the room at your favorite people in the entire world and thought to yourself: there is no place i would rather be.

(a/n: this is my first fic that i've actually finished in almost three years!! i might be a little rusty, but i'm really proud of this one and i really hope you enjoyed reading. feedback is always immensely appreciated, as well as any constructive advice anyone might have. thank you for giving my fic a chance <3)

#robin buckley #stranger things #robin buckley fanfic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #robin buckley fanfiction #robin buckley fluff #stranger things fluff #stranger things smut #robin buckley smut #st4 #wlw #wlw fanfic #wlw fluff #kat writes

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redvelvetpdf · 2 years

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so. it's been a year. more than a year, in fact, but i met most of you this year, so let's take it as a year.

all of you, all of my mutuals, you guys have helped me so, so, SO much this past year. i've gone through some shit, but you guys have helped me get past it. you've supported me, and every time i felt alone, i remember you. because you're like me, you're my brethren.

thank you so much for all you've done. i'm sorry if i forgot to respond, i'm sorry if we lost touch, but please know i love you. if you messaged me or sent me an ask once, i love you. if you still talk to me, i love you. if you gave me advice or sent a reply to an ask game, i love you.

i love you all so much. you mean a lot to me. that's all i can say.

please, please take care of yourselves. you've made others' lives so much better, and i value you. you are important.

happy new year, have a great 2023 <3

(tags aren't working, so i'll try to put them in replies. but if you see this, you know it refers to you. i'm sorry if i forgot to tag you, but you're just as important to me

replies aren't working either. i'll just pin this. love u)

@home-for-the-slugs @gondolin-but-not-forgottenlin @girlman @xxsunset-seasonxx @people-wxtching @so-far-from-the-stars @archive-of-our-own @impuritiespdf @sniickerdoodles @lovelettersmp4 @so1987 @bipdf @hailraykin @hitsdifferentpdf @ad15124 @cherryys-stuff @im-in-love-w-the-way-u-hate-me @alonetogethermp3 @nonbinarycaitlyn @homogranates @joshisepic2222 @italian-wall-lizard @kiiraes

@booksscienceandmath @loverrr-girl @myopicmeerkat @springstarfangirl @gol-gappa @fyodor-the-whore @justtryingtosurviveinthepresent @feareth-who @sassychaostrash @maileesque @ozymandayus @tfischaitea @malfoytookmyheart @dramatic-and-damned @nakaharaswife @boombboi @aliens-took-my-iwa-chan @coffeencrime @frankly-dear @dancingastralwitch @xx0yeet-everything0xx @melancholicandlonely @alexanderthepatrochillestrash @burn-like-starss @demonic-and-gay-phoenix @deyjahvu @thewafflemaker @storm-ey @toomanyfandomnames @geeky-gay-greek @dolce-far-niente-is-a-vibe @aloha-from-angel @corrupted-aroace @itwasalwaysaboutthetea

@oikawatoorupdf @cnnamonrolls @loganofthenorth @shelly-stark-official @tj26 @burningdragonfestivalmonger @hahaha-darn-it @shit-written-in-glitter-gel-pen @bookgil @oh-hush-its-perfect @satans-poptarts @death-and-the-lady13 @oh-my-gufking-god @sierraveree @fierrochaseist4t @otbnaga @kittyloverremade @official-megumin @queerforestcryptid @the-end-is-heree @wings-of-angels @nightimestar @i-think-i-can-speak-here @lysanderavagoth @potato-jem @hicanyourepeatwhatyoujustsaid @paqerings @gayshitinfinite @moiistdirts @the-desi-theyshe @anna-jo @doublelifer @aveyssalutes @clifford-thebigreddog @red-sketch-pen @kadalakari @artsy-novs @cool-way-to-diee

#aurore.txt #IF YOURE SEEING THIS AND WE'VE TALKED/RBED THINGS FROM EACH OTHER. THIS REFERS TO YOU

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cowbilover · 1 year

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lo and queer masc/man rep

or therefore the complete lack there of. which is incredibly insulting considering how common and prominent it was in original myth (although not always perfect but what greek myth is regardless of straight or gay). also i will be using queer in place of LGBT+ as an umbrella term so if you're not comfortable with that then sorry.

now rachel has made attempts at including queer rep through hestia and athena as lesbians and morpheus (and maybe chiron? idk) as trans women. which could be a whole separate post on its own with the problems that arise with them, but seeing as i am not a lesbian or trans woman, i will not be speaking on them in this post nor to the same degree if i do ever mention them.

what i am is a queer man, both bisexual and trans. i am also a big enjoyer of greek myth. i am not a big enjoyer of lore olympus nor of rachel's complete lack of representation when it comes to men like myself despite it being again very prominent within the original myths. now seeing how badly she has handled other forms of representation for other groups, i am partially glad she hasn't tried. but while i am a little happy, i am more so overall upset and annoyed at this. it comes off as nothing more than simple erasure.

the closest we've seen of rep for queer men/mascs is aged up storge who is more feminine then other men in the story, but this has not been explicitly confirmed therefore i will not be including this. besides men can be both feminine and still cishet. finally storge is a minor background character with little importance, so even if rachel did decide to make him canon queer we likely would not see much of that.

his brother eros is another annoying case as he is unarguably coded as a gay best friend stereotype. but without being gay. he is fashionable, witty, intelligent, dramatic, and always serves as a shoulder for his straight friend to cry on. but again he is not even fucking gay. he is married to a woman with a child. while i would like to see better representation then the gbf stereotype it is still insulting that rachel while coding eros to act like that couldn't even do the bare minimum of making him bisexual.

now it has been pointed out to me that names of male lovers to gods have been used and slapped on female nymphs. krokos (one of persephone's dead nympth friends) was a male spartan lover of hermes, and ampleus (the name pysche took as a nymph) was a lover of dionysus. now i am not upset that rachel didn't include the original stories since the story is already messy enough. i am upset that she took the names of two queer men from myth and slapped them on two woman. one of which ends up marrying a man, and the other dying. a quick google search could show that these names belonged to male lovers of gods, and so to me it comes off as at best lazy and at worst erasure.

i won't be discussing much of dionysus since he was only recently introudced. nor of apollo since the erasure of his queer identity is only one of many problems that occur with his character and how rachel wrote it, which could constitution a completely separate post.

i will be discussing hermes though. as both a character that we have seen a lot of, and as one that has not been completely villainized by the plot. he had an incredibly early appearance in the webtoon and had a handful of myths where he had male lovers or expressed homosexual love. but not a single mention or even passing comment has ever been made about this. it would be incredibly easy for rachel to just throw in one allusion to any of his male lovers (besides krokos who has been turned into a nymph for some reason) yet this never happens.

zeus is another character we have seen a lot of, especially in regards to his many affairs. all of which have canonically been with women. despite the many affairs he carried out with men. one of the most famous being ganymede and the foundation for the myth behind aquarius and the cup bearer. again it would not be so incredibly difficult for rachel to add any allusion to his male lovers. yet again though, nothing. (i will come back to this post after some fast passes become public and i can discuss his treatment as a pregnant man)

poseidon also had a couple queer lovers but besides the reference to the fact that he has a polygam "pod" we haven't actually seen any of his partners besides his wife.

the way rachel draws men with all perfect six pack bodies is also something that annoys me, and i'll be discussing it briefly here. people always comment on the lack of body diversity for the women in the comic but for the men it is much more severe. hermes, thanatos and eros who were all shown to be more skinny and not completely jacked in the beginning of the story are now all ripped with washboard abs. the men are all built like brick walls and it is just upsetting to see as a trans man who does not fit into that category. it sends the message that to be attractive a man must be perfectly fit. not scrawny or skinny or god forbid even fat.

also again as i said in the beginning many of the myths for queer men were just as fucked and problematic. it’s greek mythology it’s inevitable. but i’m more upset over the fact that if rachel can modernize and (attempt to) make hetero myths less gross, then where is that effort for homo myths

overall despite the overwhelming amount of queer man/masc rep that exists within the source material, rachel utilizes none of it. there has not been mention or allusion to a single queer god, forget any trans god. to me it comes off as purposefully ignorant and as erasure of queer men/mascs. which is fucking annoying considering how many of us see ourselves for once fucking represented in these myths. she has plenty of opportunity to include rep for people like myself but continuously chooses not to, instead adding another hetero-centric plot line for no reason. it is tiring and annoying to see so many gods that were queer in their myths not be represented as such. i will not make assumptions about why rachel chooses not to include this kind of rep, i will simply say to me it comes off as blatant erasure.

i could go on, and probably will come back to this post but for now i have said what i have wanted to say.

#long post #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo critical #rant #rant post #just let the gods be fruity goddamn

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emilymaxximoff · 2 years

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Deserve Better; Enid X Fem!Reader

CW: Some angst, Struggling with your sexuality, Fluff

Description: After Ron and Enid break up, you let Enid know that she has better options than him.

A/N: Confession time (sorry this note is gonna be long), I've been siting on this one for a hot sec. The absolute bi panic I feel between Carl and Enid is absurd. There's not a ton of Enid fics that I could find so I took it upon myself to write one of my own. This is definitely inspired by Boyfriend by Dove Cameron because, gay. I have been super excited bout this one. I definitely want to write more about her too. I mean just look at the GIF. Also the panic of do I want to be her or be with her is so real with her. Once agin disclaimer, everyone is at least 18. I am 19 and anything else creeps me out. The actors themselves are more than old enough now so like just please. It would mean so much to me if y'all reposted but don't feel like you have to. Love you!

-----

"Hey Y/N!" You heard someone yell behind you. You turned around and immediately smiled. It was Enid. You felt butterflies in your stomach as she lightly jogged towards you with a wicker laundry basket. She had a beautiful glow about her and her hair gently fell around her face.

"Hey Enid." you said as you gave her a cheesy grin. God she was beautiful. You had had a crush on her for years but you would never admit it. It was the apocalypse but people were still people and you were worried about if people would judge you. You also had no idea if Enid liked girls and she had just broken up with Ron so it seem a worse time as any to suddenly admit your feelings. Thankfully the break up didn't seem to bother her much. The only person who knew about your crush was Carl. That fucker knew everything about you. He knew before you did. He could read you like a comic book.

"So, I've been thinking and I think we need to have a girls night tonight. I've got shit to talk about." she said as she smiled back at you.

"Oh dear."

"Oh yes. Meet you at my house around sunset?"

You bit your lip and gave her a joking half grin. "Yeah, yeah. I'll see you then. I have guard duty tomorrow night though so we have to get some sleep tonight." you laughed.

"Great!" she squealed. "I'll see you later."

Your heart was beating out of your chest. You had sleepovers often but every time you still got butterflies. You always had to suppress the urge to lean over and kiss her and tell her how you felt but that never happened and you told yourself it never would. She made you so happy and she had no idea how much she meant to you and how much you loved those nights where it was just you two. She didn't know how much you wanted to hold her hand and hold her as you fell asleep. She had no idea how weak your knees felt as she let you wear her shirt and you breathed in the smell.

You started off towards the Grimes house to talk to Carl. He understood and you needed the support right now. You didn't even need to have the words for him to understand. You walked in the door and casually greeted Rick before climbing up the stairs and going into Carl's room.

"Hey shithead." you said throwing off your shoes and flopping down on his bed next to him.

"Well hello to you too." he laughed. "What's up?"

"I don't know my heart is just about to come out my ribcage and kill me but besides that I'm doing just peachy." you replied as dramatically as you could, sighing and putting the back of your hand on your forehead.

"Enid again?" he laughed at your dramatics, raising his eyebrow.

"Wow how'd you guess?" you rolled your eyes. "We're having a girls night again and you know how I feel during those. She's just so perfect god damn it."

"You should just tell her already. It's driving you insane and she broke up with Ron so it's a great time."

"YoU SHoUlD JuSt telL hEr." you mocked. "Yeah that will work out fucking great. I don't even know if she likes girls. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"Jesus ok. You don't gotta be a bitch about it. I was just saying I hate to see you dancing around it like a pussy." he grinned at you.

You grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. You laughed as he put his hands up and laughed back. "Fuck you."

"Hey don't shoot he messenger just cause he's right."

-----

You took a breath as you knocked on the door of the Rhee house. Maggie opened the door and smiled at you. "Hey Y/N she's in her room. Let me know if you want snacks or anything. I don't have anything to do tonight." she said motioning you inside.

"Thanks Maggie. I'm good for now thanks." you said as you quickly rushed up the stairs towards Enid's room. You knocked lightly on the door and smiled waiting for the go ahead to come in.

"Come in." You saw her slime as you open then door and come in. "Y/N omg. Come here. I've got just so much shit to say."

You giggled and sat next to her on the soft bed. "Ok spill." you said crossing your legs and turning to look at her.

Oh did she have lots to say. She talked about her runs and her guard duties. She told you about the walkers she killed and how Maggie was nagging her about learning more combat. She ranted about Lydia and how annoying she was. You listened to every word she had to say, putting in input where appropriate. Everything was perfect. Just you two talking and sharing experiences. That was until Ron came up.

"Ron is trying to get back together with me again." you rolled your eyes. "Hey I know we just broke up but still. It's like how much else is there in the world at this point."

"I mean there is a lot more. I'm just saying you can do so much better. You deserve better. Ron is probably one of the worst options right now. He's mean to you a lot of the time." you replied, nervously playing with your hands.

"Yeah ok sure. Who then? Carl? Fuck no." she laughed sarcastically.

"No. As his friend I can tell you no. I'm saying there are other options." you paused. "Better options."

"Ok fine then tell me. What other person could I be with that's better?"

"A lot of people. Ron is awful." you said, trying so hard not to blurt out yourself.

"Ok but like who? We are some of the last people alive on this shithole." she said eying you. She could tell you had something on your mind.

You took a deep breath. You were frustrated and in the heat of the moment somehow you had courage. "I mean like me."

"What?" Enid stared at you wide eyed.

"Fuck. Just forget it. I'm sorry I didn't mean to." you sighed tears filling your eyes. You had been so mad at her naivety and you could stand it do you had blurted out your feelings. You felt as if you just wanted to melt away. Had you ruined your friendship? Was she mad? You couldn't look up at her. You were mortified.

"Hold up no. We need to talk about it. What did you mean?" Enid said reaching out to touch your shoulder. As she did you moved back, rejecting her touch and the tears you were holding back fell down your cheeks as you lifted your head to look at her emphatic face.

"NO! Fuck please stop. I didn't mean- I never meant to- just please lets move on or I'll just leave." You said shakily. You were trying to keep your composure but it was fading quickly.

"No. Y/N, I want to talk about this. I don't want to upset you but when someone you have known forever tells you that you could be good for them..... You want to know what they mean, ya know" Enid said as nicely as possible. You tried to read her face but it was impossible to in your distraught state.

"Fine. Do you honestly want the truth?" Enid nodded her head. "Honestly I've had feelings for you for a long time but you were with Ron and there are so many other factors like I don't know if you even like girls. I don't want you to hate me or think I'm creeping on you cause we sleep in the same bed all the time. It's not like that. I like you for more. Don't get me wrong I definitely wan to have sex but like it's more than that. I like your smile and personality and just everything you do. I mean again like I try not to let anyone know that I like girls so Carl is literally the only one who knows about my crush on you and also like I don't know if you like me or just girls cause you've never said anything. So I've been suppressing these feelings and I wasn't gonna say shit until... ya know... now."

You took a breath and looked at Enid for any validation. She smiled back at you in return. Your tears started to dry. "So what you're trying say is I should ditch men?" she smirked.

"I'm saying that I could be a better boyfriend than Ron ever could be." you said, leaning closer to her.

"Maybe I don't want a boyfriend anymore. Maybe I'm in the mood for a girlfriend now." Enid leaned close to you too, closing more space so you could feel her breath on your lips. You felt butterflies in your stomach and you couldn't contain the huge cheesy grin.

"Well I can be a better girlfriend than Ron too." Enid closed the gap, connecting your lips. she grabbed your face and pulled you even closer. You felt so happy and even through you were kissing her you just wanted to be closer, to become one being. You grabbed her hips and pulled the rest of her close to you. Even though it pained you, you separated once you were out of breath.

"As much as I want to keep going, I told you, I'm gonna be a better partner than you have ever had before. That means doing this the right way. Let me take you out on a date, a real one." you smiled.

Enid groaned and smiled. "I'm ok with rushing in."

"I know but still. I want this to last. I'm gonna do it by the book."

"Ok, I understand. Can we at least hold each other tonight?"

"Anything for you beautiful."

As you snuggled into Enid, you felt at peace for the first time in a long time. To know the girl you loved, loved you back. To know that at least one person could love you for who you were. For now, that's all that mattered.

#enid rhee #twd #the walking dead #lgbtq #enid rhee twd #enid twd #enid rhee x reader #twd imagine #enid rhee x you #wlw #bi panic

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matan4il · 1 year

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As someone who actually followed Ryan and Oliver before, they came to 911 and was excited to see how quickly they bonded. Then I fell in love with them both even more. I am curious if you would agree with me on something.

My thing is, I actually think they were probably both disappointed if that's how their storylines ended. Again, having seen their prior work, 911 , to this moment, is still their defining work, and had it really been canceled, it could have served as a launching pad for their next gig. They could have potentially walked away, having played a groundbreaking queer couple for all the reasons you always stated. To make it even better playing against someone who you were completely comfortable with. I mean , that would have plastered them all over the place. Yet.... It would have ended like that? I just feel like there had to have been some level of disappointment for them. Or am I being to dramatic?

Hi lovely! Oooh, nice, I bet you can feel so proud of yourself, having an eye for talent that early on. ;) I hadn't heard of Oliver before 911, I did hear of Ryan because he landed a coveted part starring opposite Jennifer Lopez, but not much more than that.

I really loved what we saw of Oliver and Ryan BTS during s2, so I get exactly what you mean. And yes, I do think they wanted Buddie to go canon. It was evident to me from the moment they were the ones to choose our ship's name. I think they have both been around the entertainment business long enough to know that Buddie going canon would have given them both a boost in popularity, plus it would have made them a part of a significant TV moment. Being an actor is HARD. Finding a STEADY job is HARDER. Finding a GOOD steady acting job is HARDER STILL. But finding one that is also going to go down in TV history, make a difference, push the bar in terms of queer rep and be remembered even after the show is over? Possibly also helping them be recognized in the years that follow 911 going off the air, when they look for their next good acting job? Yeah, I think they understood this would have been meaningful and really good for them.

Are they disappointed? I think understanding that they're still among the lucky ones when there are so many struggling actors out there might help curb any disappointment. It's also a different thing when a realization gradually sets in than when it lands on you like a slap in the face. But most importantly, thanks to ABC, it's not over just yet. So hopefully, we will all still get to be a part of this historical gay TV moment, they as actors and we as viewers.

What a perfect ask to kick off pride month. Thank you for it, and Happy pride, everyone! Lots of love to all of you, whether you're a part of my community, or the wonderful allies it needs. (as always, my ask tag) xoxox

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whenyoulosesmallmind · 9 months

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I fratelli Karamazov 1969 [EP1] - Ivan & Smerdjakov + at Katja's, the beginning of the three thousand rubles affair

As a farewell to 2023 and to a happy new year, I bring you... some more Karamazovian dramatics!

part one | part two | part three (you are here!)

Some sparse notes before the translated transcripts start under the cut: 1. usual disclaimer that I'm not a professional, just an amateur, and am doing this out of pure insanity -- if you want to discuss translation related things or have some corrections, my inbox is open and your thoughts are welcomed <3; 2. mild trigger warnings for (time appropriate): strongly implied slut shaming and more vague possibly mysoginistic remarks made by Smerdjakov about Grušen’ka -- i feel like Smerdjakov himself is sometimes made to fit into the evil gay "advisor" stereotype and that might not be everyone's cup of tea -- while I don't think these bits take anything away from the writing and actually contribute to paint a more vivid picture of the society and the time the work is set in, we must keep in mind that this is a 1969 adaptation of a 1860s novel and that there are things about it that might squick some nowdays; 3. I'm actually really sorry that this took me so long to finish, I've had the dialogues written down and a rough sketch of the translation sitting around for months and polishing it turned out to be an harder task that what I thought it would be. There's still some sentences I'm not 100% sure about, but done in this case is better than perfect, and it doesn't matter how much I mourn the formal you in english, I gotta learn to work without it; 4. that said, this time I relied in a couple of scene on a lot more stage directions than last time, I felt that some more prominent acting/staging choices, especially in the Ivan & Smerdjakov bit, were important enough to warrant a description -- Katja and Dmitrij's interaction I feel instead it relies on more subtle choices for its effect, that are harder to describe, especially on Katja's side, so left it more barebones to give the dialogue more space (so you should watch it to get the full effect, wink wink nudge nudge); 5. enjoy the insanity <33

Interpreters: Umberto Orsini as Ivan Karamazov, Antonio Salines as Smerdjakov, Neda Naldi as M. Chochlakova, Maria Grazia Antonini as Lisa Chochlakova, Carla Gravina as Katerina Ivanovna and Corrado Pani as Dmitrij Karamazov.

Original script by Diego Fabbri, directed by Sandro Bolchi.

You can follow watch the drama here on YT or here on RaiPlay -- I suggest the latter, it's free and it's the original source, but youtube's still there if you prefer.

[INT. – AT THE KARAMAZOV’S/IVAN’S ROOM] min. 14:19

(Ivan snaps his fingers from behind a screen – Smerdjakov enters: he’s here to help Ivan get dressed)

Smerdjakov: (with a servile tone – to keep in mind for all his dialogues: he never drops it) I’m not allowed to say certain things, as I’m just a servant who should only thank his master’s benevolence, but if I may risk a word it’s only because I’m devoted to you, Ivan Fëdorovič…

Ivan: (with a harsh tone – emphasis on devoted; he keeps up the commanding/angry tone until stated otherwise) I sincerely don’t understand why you should be devoted to me! – As you put it.

Smerdjakov: I like to hear you talk, Ivan Fëdorovič… when you’re arguing, downstairs, with your father–

Ivan: That’s rare!

Smerdjakov: (cont. – must note: as Smerdjakov is helping Ivan button the back of his waistcoat, they are talking in front of a mirror and the last piece of this line is spoken while they’re both looking at their reflection) Well, those times I… I never miss a word. Sometimes I even hide, I must confess, to not lose the flow of the conversation… and I can say that you don’t converse: you reason.

Ivan: Is the frac ready? – Did you iron the frac?!

Smerdjakov: Ironed, Ivan Fëdorovič: I overlooked the ironing myself because I don’t trust that muddler, Marfa, nor that hick Grigorj.

Ivan: (amused/sardonic – he’s putting on the cuntiest little round glasses) What is it – what would you have told me if you were allowed to speak freely?

Smerdjakov: Well, now maybe… I wouldn’t dare…

Ivan: You’re allowed! And don’t make me beg you…(grabs Smerdjakov by his hair and pulls him close) you’re cunning.

Smerdjakov: But maybe you already know, Ivan Fëdorovič–

Ivan: What should I know? (he releases Smerdjakov)

Smerdjakov: Dmitrij’s new sudden infatuation for Agrafena Aleksandrovna… they’re talking about it, in town, because Agrafena Aleksandrovna – Grušen’ka, you understand? – she has her own history, and those who have their own history are on everyone’s lips.

Ivan: It’ll be my brother Dmitrij’s usual whim.

Smerdjakov: Well… It may be something more. Certainly something different.

Ivan: Dmitrij has a fiancée.

Smerdjakov: The noble miss Katerina Ivanovna.

Ivan: (with a softer tone, almost dreamily, clearly he’s thinking about Katja) …and there is not a girl more fine nor fascinating – (back to the harsh tone; note that after this rise he softens a bit) so?!

Smerdjakov: And who might say the contrary… but this Grušen’ka, as those who know her say, looks like she might have other… other requirements. I’ve told you she has a history and, for a man as intelligent as you are, it’s all said.

Ivan: (laughs) The shoes – get the bone shoe horn, the long one.

Smerdjakov: (kneeling to put the shoes on Ivan, who is sitting on the bed) And then there’s more that’s riling Dmitrij up, there’s almost a challenge.

Ivan: The gossiper that you are…

Smerdjakov: (laughs) If it were gossip, I wouldn’t speak, Ivan Fëdorovič, but I can always stop here, if you prefer.

Ivan: And speak, then, say what you want to say.

Smerdjakov: For… this Grušen’ka has, how can I say it – given his age, fallen in love is a kind term, is it? – the master fell for her, too.

Ivan: What master?

Smerdjakov: (Smerdjakov looks up to Ivan) Ours – (he looks at the shoe he’s putting on Ivan) mine. Fëdor Pavlovič, you father, sir. (laughs) He’s fallen madly in love!

Ivan: (as he kicks Smerdjakov away, sending him sprawling on the ground) You’re a reptile!

Smerdjakov: I swear on everything I believe that this is the truth!

Ivan: And since you don’t believe in anything, you perjure!

Smerdjakov: (as he gets up to his feet) I guarantee you, Ivan Fëdorovič – the master confided in me, and I already had to run some tasks for him at that lady’s… I don’t badmouth: I confide in you, if you allow me, of course… Fëdor Pavlovič, despite his age, is gone for her to the point he even wishes to marry her – (reaching for Ivan) to this, we’ve come!

Ivan: (he gets up, puts distance between him and Smerdjakov again) Do the two know?

Smerdjakov: The two? – you mean, the father and the son? (as he gets Ivan’s frac and helps him wear it) I believe so, and this is, I think, the true reason for the hatred: no more the heritage. And it’s not yet said that the older one won’t have it his way, Dmitrij’s impetus notwithstanding – and I find him a handsome young man, a young man who should be liked, on the contrary: who is liked, undoubtedly; but this time, in this challenge, eh!, who knows? Because it looks like this Grušen’ka lights, how can I say, lights the amorous fantasy in more mature… elderly men; it’s one of her particularities, they say.

Ivan: (angry) Stop it! – (then, distraught) I have no more need for you, I’m ready.

Smerdjakov: The coat is downstairs, in the wardrobe. I’m sorry I upset you, Ivan Fëdorovič.

Ivan: (still distraught, upset) I’m only thinking about poor Katerina Ivanovna; ignorant, I suppose… (he scratches at the door frame with his fingernails) that upsets me.

[INT. – AT KATERINA IVANOVNA’S/BALLROOM] min. 19:52

(the scene opens with the camera following a waiter carrying a teacups tray through a moderately crowded ballroom; he stops by M. Chochlakova and Lisa)

Waiter: Please, madame.

M. Chochlakova: (takes one of the offered teacups) Thank you.

Waiter: Some tea, miss?

(Lisa shakes her head; the camera returns to following the movement of the waiter amongst Katja’s guests, until he passes by Katerina herself and Ivan and focuses on them – note: Ivan isn’t wearing his cunty glasses anymore, but he’s cuntily holding a cigarette)

Ivan: Yes, I am… I am worried for Dmitrij, the argument with my father over that damned heritage is exasperating him: he withdraws, he hides; we can’t find him for days and days. Do you see him?

Katja: I was hoping to have him with us today, I had a note delivered to his domicile but… who knows if he’ll show up. However, you don’t have to worry so, Ivan Fëdorovič: I know Dmitrij, I know what is troubling him at this moment. We need to let his agitation placate naturally. Why did he target his father so intensely – because now he needs money and he doesn’t have any, and he’s so proud he won’t borrow from anyone: and so he gets exasperated.

Ivan: So you think, Katerina Ivanovna, that money might pacify him.

Katja: No, it’s not the money that gives him peace. Dmitrij is the most generous man I have ever known, money obsesses him only because it lets him act fully free.

Ivan: (smiles) Mh, I admire your intelligence and your… extraordinary lucidity; I did not think that a woman in love could see with such clarity the man she loves.

Katja: I believe it is love that makes me see so clearly, for Mitja’s sake. I know the situation I find myself in.

Ivan: Do you know about… the news, too?

Katja: I know the news, too. (she spots Dmitrij, who just entered) There he is! (she turns back to Ivan, their faces are very close) He came.

(the camera cuts to Dmitrij, standing very still; at Katja’s aunt’s call he comes towards her and kisses her hand)

Katja’s aunt: Dmitrij Fëdorovič, don’t pretend to be a statue, come closer!

Lisa: I hoped you would bring along your brother Alëša…

Dmitrij: Don’t you know he walks a different path than us? And he’s serious about it, my little brother – he’s not like us, he doesn’t mistake the devil for holy water (he spots Ivan and Katja sitting together) Anyway, I see another member of the Karamazov family already preceded me, and is already here.

(to Katja’s aunt) You really want us all, eh?

Katja’s aunt: We would really like to have you all – because you’re pleasant, you Karamazovs.

Katja: (she stands up and walks towards her aunt) Aunt, I’ll let you have him all for yourself later, but may I speak to him for a moment first?

Katja’s aunt: Youths and feelings’ rights, I’ve always respected.

Katja: Dmitrij Fëdorovič, if you’ll follow me. (she exits with Dmitrij following)

(the scene cuts off with a shot of Ivan pensively about to take a drag of his cigarette, he seems to be following Katja and Dmitrij with his gaze)

[INT. – AT KATERINA IVANOVNA’S/KATJA’S ROOM] min. 23:07

Katja: Come, Mitja, come.

Dmitrij: Will it be a long talk? Maybe an explanation?

Katja: (rummaging through a vanity) No. No, I just have a favour to ask you Mitja; you should send this parcel to Moscow for me, to my sister Agaf’ja Ivanovna. It’s not urgent but… you really must be the one doing it, Mitja, because no-one in the house should know.

Dmitrij: Would it be a secret, then?

Katja: There are three thousand rubles inside, my sister needs them, or her husband does, I didn’t understand very well. In any case, I’m sending them personally; there (she hands him the parcel) I told you you can do it at your leisure, then you’ll give me the receipt, but… it has to remain between us, understood?

Dmitrij: I’ll do it right now, I’ll bring you the receipt immediately – (he makes for a side door) can I leave from here? I’d rather not pass through the ballroom.

Katja: But why, Mitja, what are they going to say about this sudden escape?

Dmitrij: They’ll say… they’ll say you asked me to tend to an urgent and delicate matter. Isn’t it the truth, Katja? And then, you won’t be alone: someone from the family will keep you in good company – actually, I’m wondering, why didn’t you ask Ivan for this favour? He would’ve been happy to make himself useful.

Katja: What you’re saying isn’t worthy of you, Mitja. Maybe you don’t even really think it, but… you want to hurt me, I feel it.Dmitrij: Is there anything I’m not worthy of? What is it that’s not worthy of me? Come on, Katja, you know very well how low I can go. I’ll do what you asked me to, and without anyone knowing. (he leaves)

#the brothers karamazov #i fratelli karamazov #mitya karamazov #dmitri karamazov #ivan karamazov #katerina ivanovna verkhovtseva #pavel smerdyakov #sam.exe

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lovenotlogic · 1 month

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happy birthday @mismess 🕺🏻

i have decided to be normal this year and write you a tumblr post instead of a long handwritten letter 🫡 but you’re the artist and i’m the writer so my words are being forced upon you regardless.

anyways !! i am so happy that i get to celebrate your day of birth !! hopefully for the first time out of many 🕺🏻 (saying this has made me realize that i have known you for Less Than A Year which feels horribly untrue? minus the years of friendship yearning ‘god i wish i could talk to them…too bad they’d hit me with a train if i said hello…’ it feels like i’ve known you all my life?? or should’ve?? my life had an Alekko Sized Gap and boop ! you fit right in, how about that) horrendously sappy i KNOW but it’s your birthday i actually get an unlimited 24 hour pass to be incredibly cheesy and we don’t get to hold it against me okay. not that you would because you’re like the best person i know actually?? the perfect combination of every possible personality trait?? and really talented at everything that you try too?? scritch scratching my head trying to figure out how that’s even posSIBLE but regardless i am super glad that you exist and that i get to know you !

(i said i wouldn’t be writing a long handwritten letter but i made no such promises that this tumblr post would not also be long 😞) here’s to ymca (minions version) and always appreciating my dramatic, low context verbal replays of shows you’ve never seen (brb should i send you a compilation of my not canonically gay but definitely gay couple as a Gift) and thrift store finds and really cold pool parties and napkin (i love napkin !!!!) and parallel play at lunch and getting to work alongside a literal ray of sunshine (that’s you!!)

okay. i will shut up. there’s more to say (i could yap until the end of time) but you get the point. happy birthday!!!

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aqueeracademic · 1 year

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morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 6:

season 2, episode 2, “Nocturne”:

TW: discusses d*ath of a child

- this episode is all kinds of fucked up so brace yourselves for what i’m about to say

- little kids are creepy as shit don’t come for me

- jakes sitting in the chair closest to morse

- no shot he’s actually paying attention to the sports game

- i missed this show aww

- lucy boynton AND anya taylor joy in this episode is so wild

- i understand he’s dying but there was no reason to mess up priceless artifacts w his blood tbh

- once again NO SUBTITLES so i have 0 clue what thursday is saying

- morse’s panic™️ when joan jokes about going on a date

- morse doesn’t know anything about sports which means he’s gay

- but he DOES recognize indian style daggers

- morse likes bugs (i, too, am autistic)

- strange <33333333333

- i feel really bad for this girl given that her uncle is dead and all but she really needs to reconsider her dye job

- i love lucy boynton but this character makes me want to pull my hair out

- morse connecting w the Weird™️ girl at the school is smth that can be so personal

- “this is a very happy school” girl r u tryna be suspicious?????

- i know that this is a serious tv show but i was rooting for it to be an actual ghost the entire time

- them talking about morse is so 😐

- like they’re RIGHT but they shouldn’t say it

- “snuggle down spit spot” ok didn’t realize mary poppins was present in this episode

- lowkey this episode is scary as shit and i’m tired of pretending it isn’t

- don’t try and tell me u weren’t scared watching this

- debryn and morse!

- perfectly unbroken eye contact this entire scene

- try and name and single person morse is more comfortable around you can’t

- this museum curator is sooooooooooo

- if i speak.

- morse lying about being interested in football just to please jakes is so crazy to me

- literally the definition of pretending to like something for a crush

- frazil supremacy

- “a feeling of” -dramatic ass pause- “dread.”

- brother? just say it?

- monica 🥰🥰🥰

- every girl in this episode has absolutely atrocious hair i’m living for it (not u martha ur perfect)

- opening a girls school in a mansion famed for a gruesome and unsolved murder is perhaps a terrible idea and they should have thought twice about it

- thursdays tie is so tight wtf is he doing

- morse is obviously gorgeous but there are some angles where he’s so stunning it makes me sick

- the county police are so 🤮

- morse guessing immediately it was a prank and being shot down despite being right is 😐😐😐

- thursday will defend morse to the ends of the earth

- lady has a cane AND a broken arm she needs to catch a break

- morse just stealing the book is wild i would be so mad

- this lady telling him about the ghost and leading him to where she saw it and then insisting he don’t go there is so weird

- like don’t talk about potential evidence of an intruder and then tell the COP to not go up there

- can u guess whether i believe in ghosts yet?

- PLOT TWIST I DO

- the face he made when he saw it was a bible was so fucking funny

- bro was 🫤

- PLEASE why is this episode so scary

- had to turn all the damn lights on in my room

- “morse says he saw a child u can take him at his word”

- GO THURSDAY GO

- morse in a wife beater

- why tf didn’t he close his door all the way if he was gonna start taking clothes off

- look at his freckles i’m so sick

- “i got a mate over at county says u saw something”

- this translates directly to “i have a friend at the department you were teamed up with today and i asked him about you because i’m in love with you”

- i forgot how long these episodes are

- these americans are so fucking sweet i want justice for them asap

- it’s time for me to confess that i actually don’t understand a single case in this show

- i never understand the solution tbh

- i’m j watching bc it’s pretty

- thursday’s son asking morse if they were “going to do it tonight” and morse getting absolutely terrified

- “gonna do what” 😨😨

- babe calm down

- had to switch to the tv bc i cannot understand a word thursday is saying

- need the captioning

- jakes just smiling at morse while watching him walk away is so 💅

- this girl using the word “breeding” when referring to building a family definitely suggests a little fruitiness i fear

- sexy curator taking his glasses off seductively to look at morse™️

- the one thing this episode got right was how shit morse is with women

- them realizing it’s joan on the date is so fucking funny

- “where would you like your ashes scattered?” (morse doesn’t believe in burials?????)

- it is so bizarre to me that this teacher would be showering anywhere near a classroom and even more bizarre that she’s walking the hallway in a nightie and barefoot

- how does she think gently tapping the window is gonna get his attention when he’s already halfway across the field???

- this is why all the women die in horror movies

- joan literally saying they should kiss and him being like “that would never happen bc coffee is gross” is so real of him

- her lashing out insanely at the girl playing the piano and then being like “what’s happening to us” like you fucking psychopath that was ALL YOU who is “us”????

- “they were of their time” = racist

- “all women together? it’s against nature” sir what the fuck do u mean by that

- this episode is not nearly gay enough for my tastes 🫤

- STOP WHY AM I SCARED

- him thinking it was bunty and being upset about it makes me physically sick

- if you pay attention to jakes during the scene they’re discussing how the little girl got killed you’ll cry just like i did!

- his reaction to it is so visceral

- “gently, please” FINAL STRAW

- debryn fully relying on morse to solve the case is so personal

- the way that morse is spurred by debryn’s faith in him???

- morse has been awake for more than 36 hours how is that even possible

- morse is so good for telling bunty it wasn’t her fault and insisting she believe him

- morse absolutely LOVES it when the heterosexuals are at fault for something

- “haven’t you ever been lonely?” and then the camera focusing on morse ILL BE SICK

- jakes also absolutely loves blaming the hets

- “and you didn’t think to offer that up before now?” 😑

- get him!

- an entire phone call to a police station was MISSED because morse had an Epiphany™️ and never answered

- the way shaun evans has to deliver the explanation monologue 4-5 times in a row perfectly?? THATS acting

- they are driving WAYYYYY TOOOOO SLOWWWWWWW

- guys there is a murderer in the house RIGHT. NOW.

- go faster.

- ok i lied earlier this episode makes sense

- but most of the time i have 0 clue what’s going on

- i also lied when i said the curator was sexy he’s a murderer so i hate him and he’s gross

- maud being the only child who didn’t know who he was and also the only child who was a victim of him is so fucking sickening

- “don’t mind me, just make sure the girls are alright.” jakes i love you

- how did that fall take Black out but not kill morse??? is morse indestructible?

- i’m never gonna recover from the knowledge that the surviving child was blamed for the muders and hidden away because she had Down syndrome

- episode gets a 7/10 from me for being really good but not gay at all

#i’m back babey!#thank you all for your patience #we are gonna knock this shit out #because it’s #pride month #doing it for the #gays #and that’s it #endeavour #endeavour itv #endeavour morse #morse #itv endeavour

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