#JC actually talks about his feelings

[amorremanet]

seeing a post that has interesting canon analysis and wanting to reblog it until you get to the last paragraph and just

[layzeal]

currently thinking about a lan wangji years and years into his journey of healing

like 7, 10 years after the first siege. a lwj who's mostly moved on from the pain and regret and whose grief has now made a place in a little corner of his heart, and for the most part, he doesn't really think about it. maybe he'll even go months without thinking of wei ying, until he finds someone selling ugly yllz portraits, or a child telling scary stories about the devil wei wuxian. but sometimes it's also in a very specific way that sizhui laughs or enunciates a word that almost sounds like wei ying talking. sometimes it's passing by an abandoned flower spirit garden, or a lotus lake, or watching young cultivators hunt water ghouls.

these moments that can be so few and far between, and they... stir a little, some even sting. but they don't hurt anymore. he carries them with him, and he moves on

[llycaons]

the only thing is wwx is genuinely rather stupid in these. it's well done, it's entertaining, it's tonally consistent, but it IS very silly. also jc and wq are apparently friends, but at least they're not TOGETHER

[caeunot]

Can you do a friends to lovers fic for johnnie with them being super touchy as friends

i love this !! thank you for also being my first ever ask<3

johnnie guilbert x reader

you and johnnie have been friends for a few months now, you two became close quite fast since you both have similar interests and world views. you didn't have a youtube channel of your own but you loved making lil cameos in johnnies vids or even jakes since you love eating almost as much as he does.

you were hanging out with jake and johnnie with a few other of their friends like jc and scuff, you guys had been out the whole day and you were exhausted. as you made it to the couch you slumped next to johnnie and complained about how tired you were, "im sure it's fine if you lie down for a bit" he said, you nodded and lay down on johnnies lap using it as a pillow. at first he looked a bit confused but he soon relaxed and started gently playing with your hair while still talking to the others.

your friends definitely noticed how touchy you two were, but to be honest your love language was touch and it was painfully obvious, so no one over thought when you were extra affectionate towards johnnie. when the two of you were together you would often fix his hair or if a peice of his clothing was folded you would fix, sometimes the two of you would even cuddle depending on the circumstances.

you didn't intend to actually fall asleep but you did, and when you eventually did wake up you felt a soft blanket on top of you, you then looked around and realized that everyone was gone. well everyone except johnnie. he was still on the couch with one hand on your waist the other on his phone.

"hey sleepyhead you finally awake?" you sat up and rubbed your eyes, "why did u let me fall asleep that's so embarrassing.. how long has it been" you say anxiously as you can see it's become dark outside. "only 4 hours" he says with a smug face, making you roll your eyes.

you dramatically fell forward into his shoulder, "four fucking hours" you mutter through his shirt. he puts his phone down and let his hands run through the hair by your shoulders before slowly pushing you up to face him. "everyone was already tired and left soon after you fell asleep and I didn't mind at all okay? I promise it's fine" he says with a reassuring smile.

you appreciate his words but demand that you do something for him in return, as your looking into his eyes you then decided what it is, "can I remove your makeup for you? as like a thank you!" he makes a confused face (which reminded you of a puppy). "you don't have to do anything, makeup wipes take basically a minute to use there's really no need"

but your mind had already been made, plus since you were staying over for the night you had brought all your skincare and decided to give him a mini facial.

you sat down on the side of their bathtub and johnnie sat down next to you, you took out a wipe and started removing the makeup. you then held his cheek in your other hand so that his face can be more stable. when your done you let him splash his face with water and you take out your foaming cleanser. to do this you sat even closer to him, basically feeling his breath as you took your hands and gently massaged the cleanser into his face.

"i don't think you could be a professional with those nails, like your so close to poking my eyes out" he says after you finished, he noticed your facial expressions change, "but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it" he says almost defensively.

as you finish off with moisturizer you can see he's on the verge of falling asleep, you knew you were done but a part of you didn't want this to end. "hey johnnie there's ooone more thing to do okay?" he nods and let's you lead him towards his room. "you can just sit down on your bed" you say confidently, as if there was an actual need for any of this. johnnie is that exhausted to the point where he is just mindlessly following your instructions, which made what you were going to do a whole lot easier.

when he sat down you also started yawning yourself, as if you didn't just come out of a nap but anyways. you took his hairbrush from his side tables and sat down next to him. without saying a word you started to brush his hair while gently moving it around. "are you having fun" he says, scrunching his face up slightly.

once you finished and put the brush down you decided to be a little more forward and leaned back against the end of the bed while gently moving johnnie so that he's laying on your chest. he didn't say a word until you started brushing your fingers through his hair, this time you moved it in a way where your long nails were massaging him and he accidentally let out a small whimper.

he immediately got embarrassed and sat up. "shit sorry I know you didn't mean it that way I'm just exhausted and it felt really good'". you noticed that from those words the tension between the two of you seem to change. "hey it's okay, just come sit back down". he bites his lip in slight hesitation but he then goes and sits back down in his original spot.

you massaged his head gently for a bit longer before slowly moving yourself lower to where you faced him on the pillow. "the spare room is so far away, can I just sleep here tonight?" without responding, johnnie slips his arm around your waist and tucks himself gently against your chest. "yes please".

❣

[theballadofmars]

I need a fic where the war never happened because I like to imagine that when wangxian starts dating (but only jc, yanli and lxc knows and the rest of the cultivation world think they hate esch other), wwx jokes that if lwj wants to marry him he has to ask first to jiang fengmian and madam yu.

But lwj, bless his heart, actually does it. Also this is the time when yanli and jzx broke their engagement so when people start to talk about the lan clan going to yunmeng with the intention to marry a jiang, everyone thinks that it's yanli and jzx starts to panic.

So, lwj gets to yunmeng, madam yu is looking at him like she's about to kill him if he does something wrong, jfm is at his wife's side but we all know she's the one who takes the decisions.

Madam yu: so, you want my daughter's hand in marriage. Well, you're not jzx, but the second jade of lan is not...

Lwj: sorry, but I'm here to ask for Wei Ying's hand.

Wwx can't take it anymore and starts laughing.

Wwx: LAN ZHAN! I wasn't being serious!! I can't believe you actually did it!!!

Jfm and madam yu are confused, yanli feels sorry for them but at the same time this is too funny, and jc wants to die.

Because holy shit??? What do you mean that lwj, the amazing lwj, wants to marry wwx????? Madam yu and jfm are in shock. They obviously accept but they're like. So confused. Didn't they hate each other???

It gets worse, because a few days later jzx arrives to yunmeng and suddenly yells: "PLEASE LET ME MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER I REALLY LOVE HER PLEASE DON'T MARRY LAN WANGJI" or something like that.

It's pathetic. Jzx is there with only jgy and its obvious that he spent the last days flying as fast as he could to yunmeng, because he looks like shit.

But yanli finds it adorable, and jgy convinces madam yu to accept jzx terrible proposal.

[kasha-formerlydrabbletastic]

Single Blind Study

Eddie Munson x Reader x Steve Harrington

Word Count: 3k

Based on this prompt, originally by @stillgoingsteddie

Summary: After Steve and Eddie have discussed their fun times with the reader between themselves, they want to know who's the better lay.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Blindfolds. Fingering. Cunnilingus. P in V. Multiple partners.

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"What is happening exactly?" you ask, your pulse picking up as Eddie's nimble fingers tie his bandana over your eyes. "You guys weren't really all that specific when you said you wanted to hang out."

"I suppose you could call it a trust experiment," answers Steve, sitting next to you as he pats your thigh.

Eddie snorts. "Experiment is a good word for it."

"But," Steve insists, "a good chunk of this is about trust, sweets. Eddie and I have been thinking, and talking."

You chuckle. "That's never a good thing."

Eddie gives your head a gentle shove when he finishes tying the bandana, muttering an amused "smartass" under his breath.

His weight shifts on the couch as he settles in, at the same time Steve is moving forward, seemingly kneeling before you.

"Do you trust us?" he asks, his hands on either of your knees.

Your hand lands on one of his, your fingers giving a gentle squeeze. "I'll trust you more when you actually tell me what's going on. Why am I not allowed to see?"

"Okay, here's the deal," Eddie says, scooting closer to your side; you feel his warmth through his jeans, his thigh pressed against yours as Steve's hands move from your knees up to your hips. Your body tingles in response to their touches, waiting in earnest for their explanation. "Though, full disclosure, we were kinda high when we started talking about this."

You snort. "When aren't you kinda high, Eds?"

"Get to the point," Steve says impatiently, thwacking Eddie on the knee. He offers a gentle apology to you as he caught your knee with the reproach, too.

"So, we were having a conversation the other day about how you and I have done the horizontal tango before and how you and Steve have also..."

"Fucked each other's brains out," Steve finishes, his fingertips gripping into your hips for a moment.

"Oh?" is all you say.

It's no secret between the three of you that you've opened yourself up physically for them both. It all started on a boring summer day last year while you and Eddie were waiting for Steve to get home from work. The two of you started talking about past experiences, and one thing led to another. Shortly after, Steve was lamenting another failed dating attempt, and you found yourself on his lap in his car after you dropped the kids off at the arcade. Since then, whenever the fancy struck you, or Eddie, or Steve, it was a given that you'd roll around in the sack together.

The images of either one naked and writhing under you, above you, behind you, moaning your name, hands all over your body stream through your mind, tingling through your bloodstream and straight to your core.

"We started comparing notes," Eddie continues, his tone getting softer as he moves closer to you; you feel his hand on your shoulder, squeezing gently.

"What notes are we talking about here?" you ask.

"Things you like, things you don't like," Steve begins. "What you sound like, what you look like."

"And weirdly enough, there's a few discrepancies we noticed," Eddie says.

"Yeah, like we both know you like to fuck in public," Steve says, "but for whatever reason you and I only fuck in the car in public, but with Eddie..."

"Dressing room at JC Penney's, movie theater, in the middle of a show at the Hideout, I could go on..."

You can hear Eddie's grin as your body heats up, remembering especially the night at the Hideout where he took you up against the wall with a full crowd around you.

"Steve, do you wanna fuck in more places?" you giggle, pressing your thighs together for just a little bit of friction.

"No," he says before he grumbles. "I mean yes, but that's not the point of this conversation."

"The point is, Steve and I compared notes about you," Eddie says, "but we don't know how we compare. I would say that some of our experiences match up, but there's not enough information to tell which of us fucks you better."

"Ooohhh," you reply. "So, you want me to just tell you about it? I can do that. Don't see what the point of the blindfold is."

"Nah, sweetheart," Eddie says. "This is more of a live comparison."

It takes a second, but as soon as the idea clicks, your body floods with arousal. Your tongue slips over your lips as you imagine what's to come, and you feel your cunt squeeze in anticipation.

"Right," you say after a steadying breath, "but why the blindfold?"

You can practically hear their smiles as they each take one of your hands into theirs.

"It's a proper single blind study," Steve said. "We're taking away some factors that might influence your decision making."

“We’re gonna watch in real time,” Eddie adds. “We’re gonna watch which one of us makes you feel better.”

Heat floods your body, the pulsing between your legs ticking up exponentially. Your heart pounds at the thought; you’ve never had both of them at the same time. Not that you’d never thought about it before, you just figured that it wasn’t necessarily something that they’d go for. But now, the opportunity of Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson fucking you simultaneously has arisen, and you have never been more up for anything in your life.

“One thousand percent yes,” you say, nearly stumbling over your words in your enthusiasm. “I would love to participate. Please, yes.”

“Told you she would, Harrington,” Eddie chuckles, and you hear another thump that could be Steve punching him on the shoulder.

“Alright, then,” Steve says. “Stand up, sweetheart.”

You follow the direction, getting to your feet as they hold onto your hands for support. With your other senses on alert as your vision is obscured, you finally notice that neither of them is wearing cologne, but they’re both possibly wearing the same deodorant. With their intentions bared, it makes sense; knowing their scents like you do would be a dead giveaway. Now that you think about it, both had also been cleanly shaven, no stubble on their cheeks to give either away. Even now, you're realizing Eddie wasn't even wearing his rings.

“Strip,” Eddie commands gently.

Your shirt comes off first and you drop it to the couch, the boys humming in appreciation.

“I might need some help with this bra,” you say, feigning helplessness. “Would one of you gentleman want to give me a hand?”

At once, there’s a pair of hands at your back that unhook the clasp as another pair slips the straps from your shoulders. The boys are just as needy as you are it seems, wanting to touch you in anyway they can. If only you had been there for their conversation about you, to hear their comparisons, and how you turn each of them on. With your tits on display, you feel your nipples pebble at the thought of each one being suckled by a different mouth, a different tongue swirling over the sensitive buds.

“God, these tits,” you hear Eddie groan, and you smile.

“The shorts next?” you say with the same faux helplessness.

Someone’s fingers tug at the button and zipper of your shorts before yanking them down your legs.

“Wait,” Eddie says, “didn’t I rip those panties off of you at the carnival that one time?”

“I bought her a new pair,” Steve answers. “Those are her favorite. Also… at the carnival?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies, “we fucked on the Ferris wheel. That little mini skirt she was wearing drove me insane.”

You feel Steve pull you close, getting a gentle grip on your jaw as he directs your face to his. “We are fucking in more places, you hear me? I want to fuck you on a Ferris wheel.”

“Anywhere you want, Stevie,” you giggle, rolling onto your toes to press your mouth to his, but he doesn’t let you.

“Not yet,” he directs, pressing on your shoulders to get you onto solid footing.

You feel Eddie’s fingers grip the lacy panties you wear, pulling them down your legs and helping you step out of them. You hear him inhale deeply and you know for damn sure that Eddie just sniffed those panties.

“I’m tucking these away,” you hear him say.

“Don’t ruin those, too,” Steve replies quickly.

“Before you sit back down though,” Eddie says, changing the subject; you can hear his belt unbuckle, sliding through the loops on his jeans as he tugs it free. “We gotta make sure your hands are tucked away nice and safe so they don’t touch anything.”

“Why can’t I touch anything?” you counter, almost whiny in your inquiry.

“Well,” Eddie says, turning you around, looping his belt around your wrists, “it’s safe to say that there are definitive differences to the way me and Steve feel. Our hair feels different, our bodies feel different. You gotta remember this is a blind study and you’re not entirely blind if you can still use your hands.”

He guides you gently to the couch, making sure your hands are tucked carefully behind you. You get comfortable, listening to the rustle of their clothes as they strip, too.

“How are you that hard already?” you hear Steve gripe.

Eddie chuckles. “Like you’re one to talk. I’m surprised you haven’t cum yet.”

“If it helps,” you giggle, “I’m probably wetter than I’ve ever been right now.”

“Don’t make it worse, babe,” Steve replies. “Can’t wait to get into that pussy.”

“You’re telling me,” Eddie agrees.

“Now, one of us is gonna start,” Steve explains. “All you need to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy it.”

“How are you gonna figure out who goes first?” you say, but they’ve already gone into a game of Rock, Paper, Scissor, and you laugh. Best two out of three and they’re mum as to who won. You listen for any clues at all, anything that might give away the identity of who is about to please you, but it seems they’ve covered all their bases.

Neither of the boys speak, but you feel a hand on your knee as someone kneels before you, spreading your legs wide. The mystery man exhales before running a finger between your dewy lips, stopping to rub your clit gently.

“Oh, fuck,” you sigh, relief at finally being touched warming your core.

Two fingers slide into you, slowly pumping to get you started. Your restrained hands clench behind your back, eager to touch the one touching you, but instead, you simply moan, widening your legs to give him better access.

He continues, not making a single sound but the one his fingers make pumping in and out of your soaking wet cunt.

“Oh, fuck,” you keen as he begins to curl his finger against your G-spot, pressing harder on your clitoris as you squirm beneath his touch; he quickens his speed, listening to your body as it nears climax. “I’m so close… oh, fuck me…”

Your cunt squeezes his fingers before releasing with an orgasm, your body twitching as ride out the high.

You haven’t even begun to come down from that one before he hitches your legs over his shoulders and leans in, his tongue lapping up the mess he made with his hands. While this may be a classic Eddie move, you’re confused by the fact that you don’t feel his hair on your thighs. He must have pulled it all back for the experiment, but there are other ways to tell that it’s him.

He always grips your thighs with his callused guitarist’s fingers, pulling them apart to fit his head between your legs. His tongue lingers in your hole, dancing with the nectar that drips from you. When he’s satisfied, he glides along to your clit, lapping with the whole tongue before teasing it with the tip. He winds you up and you writhe beneath him, whimpering as the grip of another orgasm threatens to take over.

“Fuck, yes!” you nearly shout as he doubles down, coaxing that climax from you; your body shudders, ecstasy coursing through every vein. Your thighs clench around his head, your feet scrabbling to pull him closer to you.

The mystery man - presumably Eddie - pulls away shortly after, though, taking with him a whimper from your lips as he leaves.

It's not long, though, until you feel a pair of hips bumping against your thighs, spreading them apart once again. The hard tip of a cock tickles your heat, gliding up and down before notching into your entrance. Slowly, he enters, spearing through you until he's fully seated and your chest heaves with a satisfied sigh. He stays there, stretching your pussy as his thumb presses against your clit.

"Move!" you demand, hardly able to take the anticipation of waiting. "Please, fuck me!"

At once, he rears back, almost exiting you before he slams back in again. A moan dances from your lips as he enters a rhythm, steadily splitting you wide open with every thrust. His thumb still plays with your clit, tightening the coil in your belly as he circles it. You moan again, your body bouncing as his hips slam your ass.

You wrap your legs around Eddie's waist - you'd know that slutty little waist anywhere, especially between your legs - and he responds; keeping his thumb on your clit, the rest of his hands splay out over your hips, gripping you as his rhythm quickens. You grin, knowing damn well he's close to finishing.

Your cunt throbs, so close to a climax that you can practically taste it. With just the right stroke, you burst, ecstasy spilling down to the very tips of your limbs and back before you're suddenly empty.

He strokes himself above you, trying so hard not to make a sound as he spurts onto your belly.

You lay back on the couch, your chest rising and falling with hurried breaths before he pulls away.

"Oh!" you say, surprised when the next body takes his place and bends over you, running his tongue along the mess on your skin.

Bold of Steve to do so, you wouldn't have expected it of him.

Before you can say anything, however, he presses his fingers into your pulsing heat, drawing a moan from you as he massages your g-spot. He meets your lonely clit with his finger tips, not circling like Eddie would, but keeping a steady back and forth rhythm. It isn't long before he pulls the orgasm from your writhing body, overstimulated but basking in every minute of too much ecstasy.

Steve doesn't stop, though, leaning forward and lapping at your clit. He's hungrier than usual, seemingly rushing through his usually thorough routine of getting you off. His free hand grips your thigh open, his fingertips pressing into your flesh.

"Fuck," you sigh, making to move your arms and forgetting they're tied by Eddie's belt.

Your hips press up the closer your climax comes, wriggling against Steve as he brings you to a swift orgasm.

"Give me your cock," you moan after a spell and, on command, you feel him slip inside your soaking cunt, stretching you just as much as Eddie did.

Steve is definitely impatient, not teasing you like Eddie had, but getting straight to the point; his hips slam against your ass like he'll never be able to fuck you again as his hands grip your hips, holding you steady. You wrap your legs around him too, his body a little thicker than Eddie's.

"Yes," you gasp, growing closer to your next orgasm.

Like he's conditioned at this point, Steve's fingers find your clit again, pressing on it until you squeeze around him, moans dancing through the air from your mouth. He must think you can't hear him with all the noise you make, but he whimpers almost imperceptibly as he pulls out of you, his spend joining Eddie's on your tummy.

It's almost dream-like, the way your head swirls; you couldn't see a thing but your boys had you going like they've never done before.

"Okay, babes," you hear Eddie say, close to you. You feel his hands wrap around your head to relieve you of your blindfold. "There are those pretty eyes."

You blink against the light of the room, opening your eyes to see your boys head-to-toe naked, both with their hair pulled back. Eddie is standing close to Steve now, his cock hard once more. Steve's cock, on the other hand, is taking a well-deserved rest.

"Well, if I didn't know already, I definitely know now," you say with a giggle.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks, glancing at Eddie.

You point to Eddie's member. "If Eddie would've just finished he wouldn't be hard like he is right now."

Both their gazes aim for Eddie's dick.

"Okay," Eddie says, "but who was better?"

"What do you mean if you didn't know before?" Steve asks at the same time.

You sit up, allowing Eddie to remove his belt from your wrists. Steve picks up the discarded bandanna and cleans your tummy of the come.

"Eddie's a guitarist," you state simply. "His calluses gave him away almost instantly."

Eddie looks at his hands like they've betrayed him, then wraps one around his erection.

"Honestly," he says, "watching Harrington go at you was probably one of the hottest things I've ever seen. Not to mention, he licked my jizz off your stomach, babes."

"I was trying to throw her off," Steve says defensively. "I thought maybe she would think it was you licking my jizz."

"You want me to lick your jizz, Stevie?" Eddie teases, wiggling his tongue at him.

Steve seems to consider it for a moment before you pop in.

"The next person to say 'jizz' gets a beating. And not the fun kind."

"Seriously, though," Steve says, lowering to the couch next to you. "Who was better?"

The two look at you expectantly, each one eager to hear their name, but you can't let them have that satisfaction. A wicked grin pulls your lips toward your ears.

"Well," you say. "I can't decide."

"What?" they say together.

"We're just gonna have to keep studying, I guess."

[spriteofmushrooms]

Your tag in this post about how wwx never sees jc for who he is. You are right and I am crying right now

Jiang Cheng takes after his mother, and that's an immutable fact so it doesn't matter that Jiang Cheng begged Yu Ziyuan on his knees to spare Wei Wuxian. They're the same! It doesn't matter that Jiang Cheng is more diplomatic than his mother or more active than his father, or that he raised Jin Ling in such a way that he feels safe talking shit to Jiang Cheng (which Jiang Cheng NEVER did, only Wei Wuxian talked back).

Wei Wuxian's torture of Wen Chao was all a display for Wen Zhuliu because Wei Wuxian wants him to know how it felt to watch Jiang Cheng suffer. And aren't they the same?

Wei Wuxian knows exactly who 34-year-old Jiang Cheng is: he's 9- and 12- and 15- and 17- and 19- and 21-year-old Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng was most upset about his dogs, who all had stupid names anyway; but actually Jiang Cheng was most upset that his father could love on and comfort Wei Wuxian but not Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng was upset at losing because he's sooo competitive, but actually he smiles when he learned Wei Wuxian won in both CQL and the donghua.

Wei Wuxian is the one who knows Jiang Cheng best! Jin Ling is never right. It's impossible that Jin Guangyao knows Jiang Cheng well enough to hurt him.

Jiang Cheng is truly the child who cannot be taught! Jiang Fengmian said so. Which means that Jiang Cheng could never give up any negative feelings he has for Wei Wuxian, and there's no point in explaining anything, and it was all lost long ago without hope of recovery.

[partycatty]

dark star johnny hatefucking his gf/bf over the balcony in his mansion, and acting like he’s gonna drop them off of the balcony if they misbehave in any way

this one has been SIMMERINGGGG in my inbox ive been too excited to write it LOLOL, also i changed this prompt just a smidge

dark star!johnny cage > fall for me

warnings: SMUT AS FUCK, UR LIFE IS BEING THREATENED BUT UR INTO IT LOL, again ds!jc is just literally insane !! also exhibitionism !! and also cnc !! jesus this man needs hella warnings!

notes: IM SORRY U GUYS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG YOU ALL HAVE BEEN SO PATIENT SO IM REWARDING YOU

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 6*

[ masterlist ]

• dark star!johnny has a short temper, one he enjoys putting out on you. oftentimes, you didn't actually do anything, he's just mad at the idea of you going against him and that's typically enough to rile him up alone.

• this time around, you were a whopping ten minutes behind getting ready for one of his A-List parties. something about your makeup just didn't feel right no matter how many times you applied your eyeshadow or concealer, so adjustment after adjustment left johnny tapping his foot outside of the bedroom door.

• "baby~," he'd sing-song shout from the crack of the door. "this party is a big networking deal for me, and you're already fucking it up~!"

• "i didn't fuck anything up," you reply from the vanity seat, trying to focus on your lip liner. "we'll be on time, you baby."

• "don't you talk back to me!" he slams his palm again the wood, making you jump and, yet again, smear your liner. your lower your head to the vanity, bumping your forehead against the surface with a sigh.

• he eventually unlocks the bedroom door using his master key and ushers you out of the door with the temper of a toddler. his hand grabs your upper arm as you're placed into his luxury car and he drives off with a huff.

• johnny refuses to speak to you the entire time you're at the party, mostly ignoring you to bump shoulders with directors and writers. he wouldn't ever publically admit it, but roles were running dry as his agent turned up with no jobs, so he brought it up to himself to make some damn money.

• will probably call you the "ball and chain" or "the missus" in a super objectifying way as he gestures at you, trying to make the older higher-ups laugh. you had enough of it.

• deciding no longer to be his personal punchline, you wander away from the bustling, hot celebrity room and find a balcony. you were always the one to prefer fresh, open air and city skylines while johnny would rather be the one in the midst of the aforementioned city. you took advantage of this independence and leaned over the glass, savoring in the way the wind cools your damp skin.

• you only get to enjoy a few minutes in the quiet bliss before you hear the door slide open. at first, you expect it to be another partygoer hoping to squeeze in a quick smoke break, but you're horribly disappointed to be ripped from your tranquility by none other that your boyfriend.

• johnny stands at the door, fists clenched and jacket swirling in the wind. his eyes look dark, his brows furrowed.

• "where'd you go?" he asks, crossing his arms.

• you look at him like he's stupid (because he is). "the balcony?" you reply. johnny shakes his head.

• "that's not what i meant."

• "well, i left your side because i was tired of being shit on for an hour straight."

• "nobody's shitting on anyone!" johnny throws his arms in the air at your admittance, like he had no idea how cruel he was being. "they're just jokes! you're being dramatic. i thought you loved attention."

• "johnny-" you pinch your nose. "i have literally never said that."

• "but you show it! through your actions!"

• "oh my god, you're delusional," you turn away from him with a groan, trying to ignore the whiny bastard behind you. that proves a hard task when you hear his boots step up behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist and head buried in your neck.

• "you know i want you here," he mumbles into your skin, rocking you gently. you turn your face away from him, not falling for his charm.

• "you don't show it," you mutter in response, trying to take a step away from him but his grasp only strengthens.

• "i could," he hums, pressing his front to your backside. "or i could punish you for making us late."

• you swivel your head, craning your neck to glare at him. "seriously? now?" he breathes into your neck, agreeing breathlessly. "no, johnny. not here. people will see."

• "isn't that the fun part?" he grunts, grinding his hips into your ass. "don't be boring. you've been boring all night."

• his hands hike up your skirt hungrily, exposing your nearly-naked ass to the cold air. you shiver and yelp out, which only makes you jump back against him even harder. he shudders at the contact.

• "come on," he whispers, hands snaking up to squeeze your chest. "don't make me be mean. you know i don't like being mean to you." his fingers find your hardened nipples, massaging them with pinched fingers.

• attempting to crane your neck to ensure the balcony's doors are locked, johnny notices your diverted attention and holds your jaw, angling it out toward the city.

• "you see that?" he breathes, now fully grinding against you. "that's my city, baby. i'm the king of hollywood, isn't that right?"

• "i guess," you reply, gasping at his erection sliding against you.

• SMACK! johnny didn't like that answer. you lurch forward from the hard slap to your ass.

• "say it," he growls, biting your neck. "or i'm gonna make you."

• "you're the king of hollywood," your voice is comically flat, exhausted from always having to gas him up for the dumbest things. johnny picks up on your unenthusiastic tone and spins you around by your hips, sitting you on the balcony ledge. his lips latch onto your throat, sucking and biting hungrily.

• his fingers danced on your panties, sliding them aside. as much as you wanted to be annoyed with him, he is so unimaginably fine. and you're the type of person that likes to be manhandled. both traits he ate up.

• before you could say anything more, johnny's fingers dove into your mouth, collecting a good amount of your saliva before using it on your pussy, shoving two fingers inside making you cry out in surprise.

• "not here, right?" he breathes, savoring the way your breathing gets heavier and your skin warms from his touch. "then we'd better be quick. and quiet." his fingers scissor inside of you, making you moan with a hand shut over your lips.

• johnny was impatient, not finding any joy in fingering you, so he glanced behind him to ensure the coast was clear before whipping his dick out, holding his shirt up by his teeth. he lined himself up, eyes focused on your bodies merging rather than your expressions.

• didn't matter how many times you get it on, you will never be fully ready for how long his dick is. while not the thickest, it just feels seemingly endless as it's embracing your walls.

• he spins you around again, throwing your front over the balcony ledge and holding you by your hips. surely, if he were to let go, you'd fall. and it wasn't a short drop.

• "fuck," he hissed as his tip met your entrance. "i control you, isn't that right?"

• a distant "mhm" slips from your lips as johnny shoves himself inside again with a slapping thrust. his gasp slides into whimper territory as he bottoms out.

• "fuck yeah i do," he growls, now going at an unholy pace. he hated the progression of sex - it was either all or nothing. "could drop you right now."

• you're pulled from your lust when you look down, noticing the rocky way down to a small river. damn these celebrities and their hillside mansions. you swallow thickly, hoping he was joking.

• "please don't," you beg in a whisper, interrupted by gasps with each thrust. "please don't let go."

• johnny could only laugh loudly at your plea, bruising your hips with his grip as he ruthlessly pounded. he was sticking true to his word about being quick, because his breakneck pace was making your cunt flutter.

• "nobody would even notice," he moans, his shirt dropping from his teeth and falling back down his front. "i'm the star."

• "you're the star," you parrot in a sick mix of lust and fear. "you're my everything."

• "i could fucking throw you off for making us late. could drop you — haah — you like it when i play god, don't you? you wanna fall for me, baby?"

• his brows knit and eyes screw shut as he finds his release inside of you. you try hard to not laugh at the fact that his own dirty talking is making him close. his grip loosens as he concentrates, and you fearfully try to hold yourself against the balcony so you don't topple forward.

• "joh— john—" you worriedly look down again, your stomach flipping as it nears an orgasm - and potential death. "johnny, please—"

• "hmm?" johnny tilts his head, a cocky smirk on his lips and exposing his beautiful pearly white teeth.

• your brain feels torn in half. you want to beg him to hold on, but you also want to cum so badly. unable to decide on an outcome, your voice sputters out pathetic begs, not entirely coherent as your mind grows foggy with an overwhelming amount of emotion.

• thankfully, your body decides for you. your knees buckle inward and his hold on you tightens. you cry out, cumming around his dick as your voice echoes through the hills. you swear a flock of birds takes off from how loudly you orgasm.

• "haah — don't fucking fall—" johnny's hands pull you impossibly closer. "not when i'm clo— ngh —"

• you find no peace after finishing, just johnny's hips slamming into your ass as his pants grow uneven. it's not long before he spills inside of you, holding you there as you're filled up.

• johnny's the first one to pull away, pulling out and making you whimper from the emptiness. you turn around to face him, your ass still bare, red, and spilling with semen. his phone's in his hand when he snaps a couple photos of this puppy eyed look.

• "you look so pathetic," he laughs, the flash of his camera making you shield your eyes. "i bet hollywood heard those moans. all thanks to me."

• you pull up your own panties and johnny visibly twitches seeing a droplet of his cum seep through. shockingly, he places a quick, chaste kiss to your lips.

• "and you're welcome for not dropping you," he winks with a toothy grin, thinking it was some kind of joke. a deep, dark part of you knew he probably genuinely considered dropping you. you were just lucky you were only ten minutes late, who knows what he'd do if you were an hour late.

• as you're pondering your life and near-death experience, johnny returns to the party, waiting for you at the door. it would be best if you stuck by him for the rest of the party.

[sandumilfshou]

still kind of insane to me that people talk shit about jiang cheng without fully understanding what he has been through so lets just understand what his mental state is like BEFORE canon begins:

born via a dysfunctional marriage to be the sect heir

father doesnt care for him, mother expects too much from him/everything he does is not enough

has his three dogs just kicked out randomly with no notice because of some kid he's never heard of by the father who never gave him love and/or attention

said father then favours this kid more than him, to the point that the entire world basically thinks that this kid is biologically your father's son as well, which causes even more family dysfunction

despite this still learns to love this kid as his unofficial brother

works his absolute hardest but is always second-best because his new shixiong is naturally talented

nobody appreciates the hard work he puts in at being second place despite the fact wwx literally doesnt work hard for it

masks his emotions with anger as a coping mechanism to minimise the amount of hurt he feels

ok great so now lets actually take all of the above and apply this mental wellbeing to canon events FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE (keep in mind this is literally what jc is seeing/experiencing because he DOESNT KNOW what the reader knows):

brother is off being the protagonist and getting in trouble and gets their sisters marriage ruined

comes home from a year away and then almost immediately has to go and be a hostage where brother continues his protagonist behaviour

gets trapped and nearly dies in a cave with a 400-year-old monster, is in charge of finding a way out and making sure everyone else escapes

brother and a guy who maybe hates him get stuck behind in the cave so now jiang cheng has to boost it home ON FOOT, without food, to get manpower to rescue them, which takes a minimum of a few days likely without any food or sleep

no appreciation or thanks for doing that since brother was more heroic and killed the 400-year-old monster

gets scolded by his father for being annoyed by this

parents immediately get into another fight about father loving wwx more than jc

because of the above shenanigans their sect is targeted next

tries to defend brother against being whipped to death and/or having his hand cut off by mother

witnesses his entire sect being burned and murdered

loses both his parents

decides to sacrifice himself to save his brother's life, instead of dying he is tortured and has his golden core melted

on top of his inferiority issues, the ONE THING he was expected to do was be the sect leader for the yunmeng jiang. the sect that no longer exists. he is now a sect leader with no sect and no golden core. no shit he wants to mcfuckin die

miraculously gets a new golden core but loses his brother

immediately plunged into a war and he's only like 17

spends 3 months trying to find his brother only for his brother to show up doing the Forbidden Magic and necromancy which is Super Disrespectful in their culture like holy shit what are you doing

brother refuses to use his sword in favour of the Forbidden Magics and kind of keeps undermining jc's orders as sect leader which makes jc look weak in front of all the other sect leaders when he's actively trying to rebuild their sect and be respected as a leader

fights a war for [handwaves] an amount of time, certainly a few years minimum, while watching his brother descend further into Unhealthy Behaviour but brother refuses to do anything or talk about it

ends up lowkey being a war hero

the other three great sects (of which there are now only four) swear brotherhood, leaving out ONLY ymj/jiang cheng, which, what the Fuck dude

is now a teenager who has lost his parents who now has to rebuild his sect from scratch with fuck all money, supplies, and support

brother, who promised to always be at his side helping, is not helping, and in fact is actively just getting drunk and being a nuisance and STILL REFUSING TO SAY WHY

entire cultivation world starts to turn on his brother who is now looking like a loose cannon bc he has Forbidden Magics that are Terrifyingly Powerful and also it has been proven that he does not give a fuck about jc's opinion since he's constantly doing whatever the fuck he wants

literally out of nowhere said brother decides to piss off everyone, start fights, and then KILL JIN GUARDS at a camp and MAKE OFF with like fifty people who are part of the family that he just fought a war against and were responsible for slaughtering his family/sect

go to the terrifying haunted mountain where wwx and the wen remnants are and sees that he's essentially starting a new family with a kid and crops, doesn't seem to care that jiang cheng is still trying to keep the ymj afloat and look like they have any strength

brother is still doing Forbidden Magic and refuses to explain why, and now says he'll secede from the ymj so his bad reputation doesn't reflect on jc like he HASNT BEEN DOING THAT THE WHOLE TIME

so now shixiong wants to just abandon jc completely after jc has lost his parents, had to rebuild everything from scratch, while ignoring the promise he's made their whole life? ok fuck you

jc also can't defend him in public because that would turn the ymj into a target and please keep in mind he is a teenager who was expected to do this ONE THING by his parents and he has poured his heart and soul and blood and tears into rebuilding the ymj and they are So Vulnerable Right Now

uhhh what the fuck suddenly wwx kills their sister's husband ?? bro what the FUCK?

everyone rallies to go and attack wwx for this and again jc literally cant do anything about it and refusing to go will just make everyone assume he's on wwx's side and their sect can't afford to be attacked rn

bro what the fuck now THEIR SISTER IS DEAD?????

oh even better now said brother is DEAD

jiang cheng literally has NO ONE LEFT. no friends. no family. no parents, no siblings, everyone he knew growing up is dead. its literally just him and his infant nephew, who by the way, is living with the sect who are the most powerful and also most likely to be super fucking shady so jc has to tread very carefully

so jc spends over a decade raising his nephew ALONE while trying to make ymj powerful and also hunting/killing demonic cultivators that now p much only exist bc his brother invented/popularised the technique

oh yeah and also this whole time the guy who maybe hated his brother is now like EVEN colder and more antagonistic towards jc like it was HIS FAULT that wwx is dead? get fucked lan wangji you didnt even like the guy (or if this is cql/untamed canon: you literally did nothing either so where do you get off on acting like you're better than jc)

over a decade passes and suddenly his dead brother is alive again and causing more problems and acting like the things he did were not major contributors towards jc's entire family and sect dying

More Political Drama Happens and jc has to manage it

suddenly its revealed that the guy he's been co-raising his nephew with is the major villain who caused the entire world to turn on wwx in the first place oh and also it turns out that the fucking miraculous core jc has IS HIS BROTHER'S, WHO NEVER SAID ANYTHING, AND THIS IS THE REASON HE STARTED THE FORBIDDEN MAGICS AND STOPPED HELPING AROUND THE SECT, but he didnt even BOTHER to tell jiang cheng about it

by the way did i mention this was done via an entirely unconsented experimental surgery

and now the brother of the doctor who did the unconsented experimental surgery is ?? mad at jiang cheng about it ???? like he was supposed to KNOW ABOUT THIS when wwx was KEEPING IT FROM HIM ON PURPOSE???

and now theyre all nearly dying in this dumbass temple - and the ONE family member jc still has is literally being threatened with a garotte

oh cool now jc's brother is saying forget the past let's just leave it all behind !!! as though THAT ISNT JC'S ENTIRE LIFE AND TRAUMA and the ONE THING he EVER wanted was for him, wwx, and jyl to be alive and happy, and now wwx is saying just forget it! like FUCK YOU???? does jc truly mean NOTHING???????

oh and now his brother is off gallivanting with the guy who hated him - who it turns out doesn't hate him - and now they're getting married

and jiang cheng is meant to just. pretend all of this never happened and live his life normally. while wwx is out there. being happy and married.

like... if you can read all of this and still treat jc like he's the bad guy, i'm sorry, but you have literally zero empathy. dude had it probably more rough than any of the other main ensemble cast, and i am including jgy in that, because jgy Made His Choices. jc literally just had to let things happen around him helplessly

[tavina-writes]

CQL and Genre Intertextuality

I'm being bashed over the head with the "nhs's fan in CQL is made of xuantie/dark iron" thing again and @poorlittleyaoyao please understand that I am thinking of this constantly since you made that post talking about it because I'm just.

holding my head in my hands bc ye gods the cql show writers were genre savvy in ways that are hilarious but also make me feel like I've been hit upside the head with a waffle iron.

For those of us who are no longer damaged by the post or hadn't seen it (I don't actually know where it's gone bc the search feature doesn't work on this webbed site):

Xuantie/Dark Iron is a Jin Yong created metal that famously was used for the blade of the Dragon Slaying Sabre in the third novel of the Condor Trilogy, 倚天屠龍記/The Heavenly Sword and Dragon Saber.

The Heaven Reliant Sword 倚天劍 was created from Yang Guo and Xiao Longnv's Gentleman and Lady swords, whilst the Dragon Slaying Saber 屠龍刀 was created from Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-a-Loss's Dark Iron Sword.

Can we please all take a moment to appreciate how NHS's fan not his saber, NHS, from The Family With The Sabers, gets to shout about how his fan is made of xuantie. The most famous for being the metal that made up The Dragon Slaying Saber. His fan. Not his saber. his fan. dark iron. Dragon Slaying Saber. This is so funny I'm about to mcfucking lose it yet again while typing this.

Going back to Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss (who appears in both Return of the Condor Heroes and Xiao Ao Jianghu) and his giant pet condor (sadly, only a ROCH feature) who might've been his one true soulmate for a second, this situation from episode 7, when the Yunmeng Siblings are leaving the Cloud Recesses:

Now, the subtitles here really DO NOT do this line justice because when I first saw it it took me FLAT THE FUCK OUT and I had to lie on the floor laughing for like, 80 seconds before I got my breath back.

Okay, what this line ACTUALLY says is "I am Dugu Qiubai (Grandmaster Dugu Seeking-A-Loss), what's wrong with seeking a match?"

Now, to understand this, we come to this backstory on Dugu Qiubai in XAJH:

“Senior master Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, who created this set of sword techniques, had a name ‘Seeking-A-Loss.’ He had been seeking a loss all his life and still couldn’t get one. Once the sword techniques were executed, he would become unmatched anywhere in the world. Why would he have to defend? If anyone could have forced him to draw his sword back and defend himself, the respectful master would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure.” Feng Qingyang said. “Dugu Seeking-A-Loss, Dugu Seeking-A-Loss,” Linghu Chong muttered as he imagined how the senior master had wandered about the Martial World, unmatched anywhere, with only his sword, and couldn’t even find a single one who was capable of forcing him into a defending stance. That was truly admirable.

from Chapter Ten of XAJH: Sword Training.

"If anyone could force him to draw his sword back to defend himself, the grandmaster would have burst with joy and be delighted beyond measure" DO YOU SEE WHY JC STARTED CALLING WWX SHAMELESS NOW. they're JUNIORS. WWX is calling himself "the greatest man of all, who'd sought the feeling of losing just ONCE being forced to defend himself just ONCE in a LIFETIME" and saying "LWJ might be my equal. my soulmate. the loss I was seeking my whole life."

All 15 years of it I'm sure, WWX.

I'm not going to get into finding martial arts manuals or a respected grandmaster who taught you incredible things in a cave bc 1) LHC and Feng Qingyang up there are sitting together, in a cave and LHC is being taught incredible things and 2) Duan Yu from Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils once found the magic finger lasers of ultra laser in a cave. In front of the statue of a goddess. (don't talk about the dancing goddess statue now, Tav. We don't have time for that in this post.)

Not kidding the intertextuality of CQL and how much it plays with and against the tropes of its genre, especially other wuxia tv adaptations as well as wuxia novels is insane. There's other ones I'm missing for certain and these were just the most funny to me, personally, but! just! oh my god! insane! insane! SO funny, so clever in so many ways

[least-carpet]

I am curious: how do you think would work realistically a jc and wwx's reconciliation? Have you any meta on them and their relationship?

I'm sorry this took a minute, anon! Work has been frankly chaotic. But I saw an anti-reconciliation post¹ and I have been roused from my post-work stupor.

Unfortunately, you asked me for something I'm incompetent at, which is plotting. (Otherwise I would have already unleashed my ningcheng fic upon the world.) What I can talk about is what I find compelling about potential reconciliation and potential scenarios.

Why do I love a post-canon reconciliation?

Apart from really liking their relationship and finding it compelling—IMO it's the heart of the narrative of the first life—what I actually enjoy about it is what it offers in terms of development for Wei Wuxian.

I read Wei Wuxian as having displaced and projected a lot of his unresolved trauma onto Jiang Cheng. I've talked a little before about my reading of Jiang Cheng as the "bad feelings" sin eater of the Yunmeng Trio—neither Jiang Yanli nor Wei Wuxian feel like they can express deep unhappiness, but Jiang Cheng is bad at hiding his, so in some way it's his job to embody the collective unhappiness of the children of that family system.

But although this makes Wei Wuxian merry and likeable, it's not actually good for anyone, or even sustainable—when he loses control, he really loses control. And his coping skills are extremely self-destructive, as we can see from the post-war downward spiral of drinking and avoidance. I also think his experiences in his childhood (losing his parents and being homeless) plus his wartime experiences gave him some kind of trauma disorder that contributes to his terrible memory, which he's turned into his primary coping mechanism (apart from alcohol). If I Simply Close My Eyes And Run Away, My Bad Feelings Can't Get Me!

But, like, repressing your feelings doesn't work forever. He's compartmentalized his whole first life to function in the second one, but that means giving up on everything and everyone he loved, including the Jiang siblings and Lotus Pier. That's incredibly tragic to me.

Sometimes I think antis are so happy to demonize Jiang Cheng in order to minimize the depth of the loss Wei Wuxian has suffered. If he never loved Jiang Cheng, if they were never close and devoted to one another, if their childhood was an unending misery, then wouldn't Wei Wuxian be much freer in the present?

But what I think has happened is that the loss is so huge that it's completely terrifying and threatening. So are the feelings around killing Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli's death, and the death of Wen Qing and the Wen remnants. It's too much, so he blocks it out or, in some cases, projects it onto Jiang Cheng.

Of course, Jiang Cheng will never forgive him, because he irreparably ruined Jiang Yanli's life and then she died trying to save him and Jin Ling became an orphan. It's all his fault; it can't be forgiven; he might as well give up on it...

Jiang Cheng is obviously very angry and upset with him, it's true. But you can see how projecting his guilt and shame over his actions onto Jiang Cheng and then running away from Jiang Cheng is also a way for him to escape his guilt and shame over what happened to Jiang Yanli. (And to escape all the repressed resentment he has for Jiang Cheng because of the core transfer.²)

But there are two tragic elements of this approach. One, that by doing this he yields up any possible relationship with Jiang Cheng, and with the Jiang Sect, because by all means Wei Wuxian must escape him in order to outrun his terrible feelings. Two, that it's another coping mechanism that distorts the reality of the situation, which is that they were all swept up in power games beyond their capacity to manage, and they did their best—the Jiang siblings, the Wen siblings, Jin Zixuan, and Wei Wuxian—and it still went badly for everyone except the Jin Sect.

I don't think he can confront that yet. But I do think that Wei Wuxian feels very safe with Lan Wangji, and sometimes a safe and supportive relationship can provide the resources to do things you didn't think you could do before.

Can you imagine a different conversation, that begins with the bald acknowledgement of failure and wrongdoing³? "I never meant for all of that to happen. I did what I thought was right, but I never thought Jiang Yanli would be harmed, and I didn't intend to kill Jin Zixuan. I am so sorry. I miss her."

GIVE THE CATHARSIS TO ME. GIVE IT HERE.

A Wei Wuxian who has reached a point where he's capable of that accountability and vulnerability is delicious to me. A Wei Wuxian who can get there can return to Lotus Pier and rebuild a relationship with the living sect and his living sect brother.

How could it happen?

The trick is how to get there, 'cause it's like trying to herd cats where one cat is mortally afraid of facing the second and the other one has betrayal trauma and abandonment issues. But the cats love each other! They do!

I don't see Jiang Cheng initiating. I see him as being more open to a reconciliation, now that he knows why Wei Wuxian did what he did, but I see him as being profoundly afraid of trapping people in relationship with him or inflicting himself on people who don't want him around. (Not, like, for politics. In that arena I assume he's unpleasant when necessary to great effect.)

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian can be led if you're cunning enough to do it and you bait the trap with something good (see the plot of MDZS for Nie Huaisang's very successful demonstration of this principle). He also will increase pursuit if you dangle and withdraw the bait.

The question, of course, is what makes good bait for catching Wei Wuxian. Some options:

Option 1: murder mystery. Someone dies in an exciting way that involves Jiang Cheng. (Wei Wuxian will involve himself, dude loves a murder mystery.) It could be in the Jiang Sect or the Jin Sect; if it involves Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng will jump in with a swiftness.

Option 2: Jiang Cheng marriage rumours. Doesn't even have to involve unsavoury rumous about the potential wife; Jiang Cheng getting married without him (like Jiang Yanli) would dredge up some feelings, I think.

Option 3: Jiang Cheng tragic illness or curse rumours. You better be sure it was in a past life, cause it looks like this one might be over soon!

Option 4: Forced together time (due to a night hunt or a kidnapping, etc.). It's time for the getting along shirt!

To borrow from SVSSS, you might need a scenario-pusher for it to happen. But the world of MDZS is rife with these opportunities, and cultivators can live a very long time. So there's hope yet!

Footnotes:

1. This is a perfectly reasonable viewpoint to come to by the end of the novel. It's simply one I don't share.

2. See this passage from the confrontation in the Guanyin Temple:

"It wasn’t something he liked to reminisce about. He didn’t want to be reminded again and again of what it felt like when his core was cut out or what price he had to pay. If this were exposed in the past, he’d most likely laugh and comfort Jiang Cheng … But now, he indeed didn’t have the strength left to put up such a confident, nonchalant pretense.

From the bottom of his heart, he knew he wasn’t so indifferent about it after all.

Was it really that easy to move on from such a thing?

Of course not." (Chapter 103, "Hatred," ExR translation)

3. I saw a different post complaining about Wei Wuxian apologizing to Jiang Cheng in reconciliation scenarios, and I just, like, he kicked off a political firestorm that ended in the death of Jiang Yanli and her husband. This is completely separate from the non-consensual surgery and all the lying he was doing about that. He owes him multiple different apologies! And Jiang Cheng should also apologize to him! That's why they apologize to each other in the Temple, because they know they hurt each other! The point of an apology in an intimate relationship is to connect with the person you are apologizing to in order to repair the relationship, and the Temple was not the time, which is why they need a private do-over! It's not humiliation, it's intimacy, connection, and repair. How do y'all live your lives.

3.5 Also, imagine it to be more in-character than that.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. ITMF: Just finished ShanaStoryteller's "By Any Other Name" where resurrected WWX pretends to be a woman, and it's put me in the mood for fic where he is actually resurrected as a woman but, here's the key: he's hamstrung by the extremely patriarchal society he's in. The few fic I've read that have him in a woman's body usually hand wave over that but I'd love to read a fic that doesn't. Anything like that out there??? @kimboo-york

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (locked to archive) (T, 20k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, getting together, Mojo’s post) has WWX resurrected by the youngest daughter of a non-cultivating family and deals with several issues of him being a woman as a result.

~*~

2. do you know any fics that explore what happens if yzy lives past the wen attack on lp? wwx blamed himself enough without her active vitriol so i'd love to read how her survival would impact the yunmeng trio (esp wwx) and/or the war. thank you!

💖  Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) has YZY surviving the fall of LP & has stuff about how her leadership is different from JC

Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, LQR/SiSi, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, Mutual Pining, seeing the future) has YZY surviving IIRC (it's been a while since I read it & I bailed partway through so idk how it goes) & the tags mention YZY redemption

~*~

3. hi ! in the mood for fics (canon) that feature wangxian and lan sizhui ! it doesn’t need to be about them as parents, although it definitely can, but just having them (especially lwj) act parental or acknowledged as parents or exist as a family unit would be much appreciated, kind of like “Crack me open, pour you out” by tenillypo. basically any parental canon wangxian (even just featured) would be amazing thank you !! @willesnelson

to the act of making noise by words-writ-in-starlight (WordsWritInStarlight) (G, 19k, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, inquiry, Music, Angst, Fluff, Found Family, podfic available)

kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst) it's set in canon times however its def an AU storyline but you get a lot of family feels

Finding Balance Series by Zombubble (G/T, 117k, WangXian, Character Study, Canon Compliant, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death, Grief, But only a little, Nightmare, Canon-Typical Violence, within a nightmare, injuries, Underage Drinking, Light Angst, Happy Ending, JC Being an Asshole, but not too bad, Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Self-Reflection, Conflict Resolution, Internal Conflict, lots of talking, Lots of Thinking, LSZ-centric, Soft LQR, Sort Of, Collective Bargaining, LSZ accidentally incites a mini off-screen rebellion, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, mild panic attack) not sure if its quite what #3 is asking (most recent itmf post) but there's a post-canon sizhui-centric series about sizhui coming to terms with remembering he's a wen and stuff, and the last two in the series (esp the last one) have parental wangxian helping him work through things

~*~

4. Itmf wwx n friends as a crazy crack funny af potty mouthed wholesome group!! Modern au. Them being crack heads in a nut. Like, doing stuff like sneaking out, putting skates and running at night, sitting in shopping trolly and pushing it ahead, Fighting in Instagram comments section. Just wwx an friends. Idm relationships.

He lo I'm for #4 itmf. fic is really good, but not what I was aiming for, cuz yeah the plot was chef's kiss, but didn't had much of wy n frnds, lemme clear: wy n frnds shenanigans, doing stupid things, what the fuk moments. This time doesn't matter if it's canon, modern or alternate Universe. Thankyou

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut) lots of shenanigans here

Carefully Orchestrated Plans (no strings attached) by Maledictius (T, 101k, WangXian, Modern AU, Chatting & Messaging, Orchestra, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gossip)

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5. ITMF!! What’s a wangxian fic you’ve read where, as you sadly leave your last kudos on the last chapter, you think, THIS COULD BE A MOVIE 😤!

Those fast paced, edge of your seat, tight plot, spot on character fics that you’d buy a ticket to see? Or maybe a smaller lyrical fic that could totally be an art house short film?

I was rereading Hobbsy3’s Tragedy is Not the End. I always have to make myself popcorn it’s so good! So yep, that’s my movie fic!

Dear mods, please direct me to the right list if this has been asked before!! 💚

Wei Wuxian Makes a Wish series by natcat5 (M, 119k, wangxian, major character death, underage, madoka magica au, modern w/ magic, time travel, high school au, body horror, self-harm, angst w/ bittersweet ending, time loop, mental instability, suicidal thoughts) is it cheating if it's technically based on a movie? I didn't need to know anything about what this is based on besides a quick Google but if asker is looking for something that leaves them feeling breathless with all kinds of feelings this is the first one that came to mind

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut) link in #4 honestly this also felt like a teenage coming of age indie movie

💖 Echo, Murmur, Dream, Here by bluerainmist (M, 51k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX survives, sect leader WWX, yiling wei sect au, slow burn, angst w/ happy ending, getting together, pining, love confessions, reunions, mind all the tags) I just read this and the descriptions of the armor and battlefields really felt like they would suit huge movie screens. It just had that imax vibe, ya know?

Also maybe 5 should look at the “Beautiful Writing and Good Plot” Compilation | Pt. 2 comps a lot of the fics on there feel like a movie

花无百日红; the flower that withers by yiqie (M, 29k, wangxian, Time Travel Fix-It of Sorts, Case Fic, Spells & Enchantments, Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, It's about the emotional catharsis, If you have ever laughed at WWX clowning himself for the 'no one will marry you' scene, This fic is: for you) i'm not a writer so i can't describe the feelings this fic evoked in me, but this is one of those fics that is so prettily written and if it's got a movie adaptation i would definitely watch it

In Imitation of Life by travelingneuritis (E, 70k, wangxian, modern cultivation, scifi au, android WWX, tone: neon seedy, rich people are bored and terrible, post-apocalyptoc landscape, happy ending, smut, severe major characger injury, time loss) everything this author writes is like a movie tbh

symmetry by bleuett (M, 44k, WangXian, Space, Science Fiction, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Holding Hands, Blow Jobs, Hand Feeding, Cultivation in Space, Yearning, Reunions, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Injuries, Grief/Mourning, Unconventional Time Travel, Burial Mounds) I remember reading this and getting major interstellar vibes

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery) this is like an A24 Sundance festival winner, author writes such incredible prose

Post Mortem by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 78k, wangxian, modern, Psychological Horror, friends with benefits, they're both fucked up but they love each other so much, Slow Burn Mystery, Unnegotiated Kink, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Con, Stalking, Drug Addiction, Serial Killers, in Wei Ying's desire to critique the 'final girl' trope he accidentally becomes one, Angst with a Happy Ending, meta commentary on the horror and true crime genres) A horror movie!!!! Very much on the edge of your seat.

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6. Huge thanks to the mods and participants for this wonderful blog! You keep my Mark for Later list going strong.

ITMF fics where someone tries to harm WWX because of LWJ. Maybe they're obsessively in love with him and want to get rid of the competition, or maybe they hate him and want to hurt him in the worst way possible by hurting the one he loves most, or whatever. Bonus points if Wangxian assume that whoever seems to be coming after WWX is coming after him because he's the Yiling Laozu instead of because he's LWJs love, and so they make wrong assumptions and mistakes. Happy for similar recs also, even if it's not a perfect fit! No Jiang Cheng bashing though plz. Thanks all! @flamingwell

this body yet survives by RoseThorne (T, 50k, WIP, WangXian, No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courting Rituals, Near Death Experiences, Attempted Murder, Eventual Happy Ending, Panic Attacks, Protective Siblings, Triggers, Protective LWJ, Protective LQR, Yúnmèng Siblings Dynamics, Bad Parent YZY, POV Third Person, POV LWJ, Depression, Good Sibling JC, Good Sibling JYL)

A Soft Storm by AvoOwO (Not rated, 47k, wangxian, modern au, hurt WWX, LWJ pov, protective LWJ, not SS friendly, car accidents, hurt/comfort, heavy angst w happy ending, sexual harrasment, stalking, crying, blood & injury & gore, major character injury, college, slut shaming, insults)

Coincidence is Another Man's Fate by TriviasFolly (M, 164k, WangXian, Modern AU, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega wwx, Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, WangXian play the long game, UNTIL THEY DON'T, Getting Together, fated pairs, Eventual Attempted Sexual Assult and Recovery, Modern Setting - Office, Mpreg)

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7. Hi!! Does anyone know of any fics where dual cultivation classes are part of the lectures that all the young masters attend? I’d love to see them paired up to meditate, study, duel, night hunt, perhaps even take a couple of sex magic classes. In my head I am picturing something like those Harry Potter fics where students are paired due to compatible magic and they study together regardless of house division. Thank you!

turn towards the sun by Ariaste (E, 21k, WangXian, Kushiel's Legacy Fusion, The Night Court (Kushiel's Legacy), Kink Negotiation, Courtesans, Intimacy, BDSM, Consent, Wangxian's canonical fetishes, roughly Cloud Recesses-era, Extracurricular Kissing, Impact Play, Kink Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, (aka Madam Yu being canonically willing to hit WWX)) This may not be exactly what was requested but it’s definitely school and wangxian definitely “study” together:)

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8. Are there any fics where Wei Wuxian purposely tries to seduce Lan Wangji? Like he wears revealing clothes, touches him more often, moans while eating...etc? Like, Wei Wuxian knows Lan Wangji likes him and is trying to make him crack by being all flirty/seductive?

puzzle pieces by Yuisaki (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Roommates, Fluff, Humor, Friends to Lovers, Sharing Clothes, Getting Together, Pining)

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9. Hi mods! Can I ask for the next ITMF for some fics where WWX, JFM or even LQR are angry at Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren for not being careful enough during night hunts and leaving WWX alone? Something along the lines of why they didn't have a back up plan or why didn't they leave WY in Lotus Pier or somewhere else where he would be looked after while they were busy and risking something happening to him bc they didn't tell anyone where their child was if something happened to them. Doesn't really need to be bashing but definitely some abandonment issues and not WWX just being alright with what his parents did and wanting to do the same

Thanks!! @jiangclaritybell

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) Lan Jingyi (very) briefly mentions how stupid it was for WWX's parents to just leave him when they went off night hunting

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10. Hii!! I hope you guys are well <3

I have a request for the next itmf, i recently read a fic where wwx is adopted by hua lian, so I was wondering if you had more fics in the same category?? The fic i read was the hearth series by eccentrick!!

Thank you in advance ❤️❤️

there's a whole tag Huā Chéng & Xiè Lián (Tiān Guān Cì Fú) Adopt Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn for that, but in specific

Hua Xianle by Tiffany_Guinne (Not rated, 170k, hualian, wangxian, TGCF, canon divergence, not Jiang friendly, madam lan lives, WWX adopted by hualian, WWX with different name, overprotective hualian, hurt WWX, WIP)

Narrative of Strength by MeltedIceAngel (T, 61k, WIP, WangXian, HuaLian, Canon Divergence, Adopt WWX, Found Family, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective XL, Protective HC, Adoption, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Serious Injuries, Angst with a Happy Ending, TGCF)

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11. Hello, for the next In the mood for, do you have any wangxian fan fic recs of novel canon divergence/fix it that do not feature yunmeng bros reconciliation? Thank you so much in advance!

Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, canon divergence, time travel, rogue cultivator WWX, no golden core transfer, not cultivation world friendly, not JC friendly, OCs) WWX travels back in time & goes fuck the cultivation world & JC in particular

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Canon Divergence) WWX rebuilds his core while living in the Burial Mounds, JC loses his & is pissed about it

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12. Can you recommend me Darkji fanfic and an oblivious weiying or a dark dark lanzhan where there's an abuse and manipulation included I don't mind🫶🏻

Obelus by Celestios (Not rated, 167k, wangxian, rape/non-con, non-con elements, NO rape, Non-Consensual Spanking, Non-Consensual Punishments, Spanking, Punishments, Dubious Morality, Dubious Consent, physical discipline, Physical Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Abusive Relationship, Kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, mention of violence, mention of drugs, Mention of alcohol, Possessive Behavior, Obsessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, dark LWJ, Baker WWX, Bodyguard WN, Mentions of weapons, Gun mentions, Slow Burn, Long, Doctor WQ, Self Medicating, WWX has ADHD, Trauma Bonding, Psychological Manipulation, Gaslighting, Organized Crime, underground crime, Underground business, illegal business)

3-in-1 Shampoo/Conditioner/Bodywash - the Real Gateway Drug by Anonymous (E, 22k, WIP, WangXian, one sided wangxian (but for how long?), sketchy as fuck LWJ, does this count as dark! LWJ, implied bi WWX, modern au - no cultivation, Piss Marking, Come Marking, cum in food, brief cameo of food fucking, piss in food, Exhibitionism, Sloppy Seconds, Alcoholism, mention piss drinking, No Sex, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, sexually charged assisted pissing, accidental hold, Omorashi, freak4freak, emotional manipulation/subdrop of sorts, co-pissing, panty huffing, Degradation, dubcon blowjob, FaceFucking, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, pissing on someone who's passed out drunk, Spanking, Verbal Humiliation, Mutual Masturbation, jerking off walkthrough (with commentary), threats of edging, mutual CNC fantasies, Unreliable Narrator, I gave LWJ the LBH sized cock he deserves, Bathing, pissing in fleshlight) 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/bodywash - the real gateway drug for itfm 12. It’s more extremely dubious consent than actual abuse, but there is definitely a bit of gaslighting.

Kinkotber Day 4: A Shift in Perspective by Anonymous (E, 2k, WangXian, Stockholm Syndrome, Rape/Non-con Elements, there's no violence but he certainly doesn't ask for concent, Dark LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Cockwarming, Exhibitionism, bimboification (kind of), collaring (at the end), Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, PWP, Almost No Dialogue) as the tags say - no actual violence but deffo non/dubcon elements

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13. Hello, do you know any modern or canon au wx fics where wangxian never interacted when they were kids/students but lwj still had a quiet crush on wwx?

and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They’re Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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14. this might be a weirdly specific request for itmf, but I was wondering if you know of any fics where, either through reincarnation or time travel what have you, Lan Sizhui/Wen Yuan raises Wei Ying or Lan Zhan as his child(ren)?

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15. For the next ITMF, can you recommend fic where characters OTHER than wangxian take ownership of their actions prior to wwx's death? (e.g. abandoning wwx/wen civilians to their fate, the mass slaughter of innocents, stealing & profiting off his work while slandering him, etc). I'm not interested in fics where this ownership has a caveat ("it was bad, but wwx was equally bad or worse" - these are fine but it's just not what I want to read.) Thanks! @balleyboley

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16. Anything with wwx with low self-steem????

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP,   WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol   Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

Welcome to the Family Series by jiejieaini (E, 237k, WangXian, Modern, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, Angst, Explicit Sex)

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) (link in #9) Seeing the “low self esteem” ask in ITMF made me go: any fic ever? If you want a funny response to it, metisket’s One Body Problem has Jingyi. Enough said.

Don't Leave Me by TrippinOnSkies (E, 19k, WangXian, Modern AU, Marriage Proposal, Mental Breakdown, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks, But they are very mild, Overthinking, Good Sibling JC, Break Up, Gentle Sex, Gentle Kissing, Idiots in Love, Pining, Misunderstandings, Oblivious WWX, LWJ Has Feelings, LWJ is Whipped, Getting Together, NHS & WWX Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy EndingInsecure WWX, WWX Has Issues, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Sad WWX, WWX is Bad at Communicating)

could you find a way to let me down slowly, if you're leaving baby let me down slowly by ravenditefairylights (M, 36k, WangXian, XuanLi, Past MingXian, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Implied/Referenced Sex, Miscommunication, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Hurt WWX, Mutual Pining, Unreliable Narrator, Self-Esteem Issues, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Protective Siblings, Trauma, Slightly dubious consent, courtesy of drunk sex, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Phoenix Mountain, Chronic Pain, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts, One Braincell Trio, PTSD)

See Me, Feel Me (Listening to You) by Ghost_Honey (T, 29k, WangXian, POV WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX's Abyssmal Self-Esteem, Emotional Healing, Angst, The Juniors love their Senior Wei, Curses, WWX is an Unreliable Narrator, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling)

pastel by antebunny (G, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Soulmates, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, but not actually)

to be loved by wqngji (G, 1k, WangXian, Insecure WWX, Petty LWJ, JC is So Done, Domestic Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Doubt, Hugs, Hurt WWX)

leading tone by silencemostofall (G, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates, with a lil twist, Eventual Happy Ending, it will not look like it until the very end but I promise there's a happy ending, lesbian wq rights, Music, Orchestra, platonic and romantic pining, wwx's serious self-worth issues, [Podfic] Leading Tone by silencemostofall by Beria1021)

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17. Is there a fic in which yiling people are protective of wei ying and wants him to come back

End Racism in the OTW | The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts) it’s mentioned briefly, I believe

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[lucidlivi]

Chosen For Pleasure (VIII)

Series Masterlist/Warnings

Tag List: @ladysparkles78 @suckitands33 @little-x-wolf @stoneyggirl2 @creative-writing92 @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @lessons-of-red @jamerlynn @deans-baby-momma @willow-sages @ritz-hell-hotel @perpetualabsurdity @mhessellund @itzabbyxx @chriszgirl92 @abbybarnesstuff @larrem88 @commonsenseishard @impalaspixie @notsogoofyjelly @hzllxhoundxx @taylortots-world (there’s so many of you now 🥹 thank you so much ya’ll don’t realize how much you hype me up! If you want to be added please send me a message or an ask so I can keep track of everyone!)

switching point of view, I will indicate the switch with italics

just a little fyi the secret of who leaked the information won’t be revealed yet so don’t come for me lol but to make up for it, Jensen’s story will be revealed…

Also I don’t know if I have to explain it but I will anyways my little ******* line indicates a time jump, I’m just too lazy to write up to that time…oops!

Anyhoo I’ll be quiet now, here’s the content you came for…

Jensen

I brought the bottle to my lips, chugging.

I was working on my seventh bottle of whiskey this week.

I don’t know why I care this much.

She isn’t the first girl I’ve ended things with.

Why did it feel so crappy this time?

“If I walk out this door I’m not coming back.”

Her words replayed in my head, cutting in to me like knives.

And she didn’t.

Not that I expected her too.

I messed up.

Again.

I brought the bottle back to my lips, collapsing on the couch. I heard the door open, but I didn’t care enough to check who it was. It’s probably Cole checking on me for the hundredth time this week.

“I want to be left alone Cole.” I growled taking a swig of whiskey.

“well too damn bad.”

I sat up meeting eyes with my towering best friend.

“how’d you know?”

“Genevieve, uh they talk, and then I saw the stuff online.” Jared said rubbing his neck.

“why didn’t you tell me?” He added, hurt crossing his features.

“I didn’t think I would feel this bad about it. Why do I feel this bad?” I asked setting down the whiskey bottle.

“it’s called heartbreak J, there’s about a million songs written about it… perhaps you cared a little more than you thought you did.” Jared said sitting down next to me, picking up the bottle of whiskey and taking a sip.

I huffed grabbing the bottle from him.

Jared grabbed the bottle back immediately before I could take a sip.

“Jensen we’ve been friends for years so I feel like I can tell you this. You need to stop living in the past, okay? Not every girl is going to be Elle. You’ve got to stop self-sabotaging. I’m sorry that the women in your life have consistently let you down, and that fucking sucks, but dude you have to move on from it. I can’t stand to see you lose a good thing in your life. Dude that girl was perfect for you. She was crazy about you, you could see it in her eyes. I don’t know if she leaked anything, but if she did I know sure as shit it wasn’t to intentionally hurt you. God damn Jensen the only one hurting you, is you, and I’m sorry but if you keep this up you’re going to end up miserable and all alone. ” Jared said taking the whiskey and dumping it in the sink.

Elle.

Hearing her name made me tense.

That’s why I don’t say it. Don’t talk about it.

miserable and all alone.

Exactly how I was feeling now.

God he was right. I was just miserable and all alone.

I sighed.

She’s not Elle, she was the furthest thing from Elle.

And I ruined it all.

“It doesn’t even matter now, I fucked up Jar, and I don’t think you can talk my way out of it this time.” I said putting my head in my hands.

“No I can’t. But maybe you can.” He said moving my hands away from my head.

“I doubt she’d even listen to anything I’d have to say. I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“how about two words you’ve never said to anyone… I’m sorry.”

“and then tell her how you feel, how you actually feel.” He added.

“I feel like I’m falling in love with her, and it scares me.” I said feeling the tears brim my eyes.

“Jensen love is scary, god I was so scared to talk to Gen at first, don’t you remember? But I knew that she was my future, everything I had ever wanted, so I swallowed my fear and I went for it.”

“and what if she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?”

“then at least you can say you tried.”

It was silent for a moment as I mulled over his words in my head.

“ also I just might happen to know where she’s going to be tonight.” Jared smirked.

I stood up smiling at Jared.

I’m going to get my girl back.

Reader

I don’t know what happened.

Ok I do.

I just don’t know how.

Stella was there to catch me as I collapsed.

She held me as I sobbed. Once I caught my breath, the words poured from my lips.

“I’ll kill him.” Stella said standing up.

I grabbed her hand pulling her back down to the couch. I needed her right now.

His words replayed in my head in a continuous loop.

this was never a relationship

It felt like one to me. I see now just how one sided that was.

I would never leak his information. I signed a non-disclosure. I wouldn’t be that stupid to go against it. Stella is the only other person who knew.

“you never talked to anyone about me and Jensen did you?” I asked hesitantly.

“you know I would never do that.”

I knew she was telling the truth. She would never do that to me.

“look we’ll find out who did this, but in the meantime…” she said escaping from the living room quickly.

She came back seconds later pulling out a carton of ice cream and two spoons.

“I’m not going to eat my feelings Stella.” I smiled just a little bit.

“Even if they’re chocolate chip cookie dough flavored?”

I sighed taking a spoon. Her smile grew as she opened the carton. We sat eating the entire carton, as I cried silently.

If I thought that was bad, work the next day was hell.

As soon as Stella and I walked in all eyes were on us… well me.

I could hear the murmurs of gossip about my love life. I could feel my breath becoming shallow and quick. Everyone was staring at me.

I turned around to run out but crashed right into Gray.

“hey what’s the matter?” He asked grabbing my hand to pull me up.

I couldn’t control my erratic breathing. I was feeling a panic attack coming on.

He pulled me in to his office offering me a glass of water. I silently thanked him sipping it while trying to regain a normal breathing rhythm.

“I’m assuming this is about the paper.” Gray asked tossing thee paper on his desk.

Oh great of course he’s seen it too.

Unease filled me staring at the picture of Jensen and I on the front.

“Gray.. I” I started to defend myself but he cut me off.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain it to me, so you’re having a fling with him, who cares what other people think right?”

“I’m uh not, not anymore.” I said biting my lip to stop the tears.

“Follow me.” Gray said grabbing my hand and pulling me back out of his office.

He stood in the middle of the office, I went over and cowered behind Stella.

“Excuse me, it has come to my attention that there has been some unprofessional conduct in this office, if I hear anyone talking about certain situations, you will be reprimanded. Thank you.” Gray said offering me a small smile.

I think that just made it worse.

I rested my head on my desk debating on banging it off it a few thousand times.

Fuck my life.

“don’t worry, it’ll die down in a day or two, look I’m sure Taylor Swift will do something new and exciting and people won’t even think about you.” Stella said.

I raised my head sending her a glare.

“right not helping.” She said.

Stella was right.

By day two it had died down.

By day three it was a few murmurs.

Day four it completely disappeared. 

Now a week later I was back to being a nobody.

Except to Gray.

It was strange. He brought me coffee every morning, checking in on my well being. Today was no different.

“how are you this morning?” Gray asked handing me a mug of coffee.

“better thank you.” I said smiling.

It was true.

Each day that passed it was getting better.

I realized I didn’t deserve any of that.

Jensen had some deeply rooted issues and that wasn’t my fault, yet I was the one paying for them. It wasn’t fair.

Stella and I weren’t any closer to finding out who leaked the information either, so that was incredibly frustrating.

“I have a surprise for you, follow me.” Gray said laughing.

I glanced at Stella before following Gray in to his office.

“close your eyes.”

I sighed hesitantly shutting my eyes. I felt something being placed in my hands.

“okay open them.”

I opened them seeing a ticket in my hand.

“uh it’s for an auction, I uh offered up two of your landscape photos, you’re incredibly talented and I think other people should see it too, who knows they might go for a lot of money.” Gray said smiling.

Wow.

This is what I had always wanted. My pictures to be seen by more people. I smiled and before I realized what I was doing I wrapped my arms around Gray giving him a hug. He was caught off guard at first but immediately hugged back.

“Uh thanks Gray, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.” I said pulling back.

“No problem, I’ll uh see you there.” He smiled.

Wait what was this?

Did I just accidentally agree to a date with my boss?

He must’ve of noticed my confusion.

“I’m uh one of the organizers.” He added with a laugh.

“Oh right of course.” I said embarrassed.

“Not that I wouldn’t like a date with you.” He said moving a little closer.

I felt the air getting caught in my throat. He was my boss. It felt wrong.

“I should um get back to work, thanks for this again, I’ll uh see you tonight.” I said rushing out of his office.

It was weird wasn’t it?

Why was he being this nice to me? I know it certainly wasn’t because Jensen dumped me. I was hesitant to go tonight.

What’s the worst that could happen though?

****************************************************

I stood off to the side sipping on a glass of red wine. A little black dress hugged my body as I looked around at the people in expensive suits and even more expensive gowns.

I was totally out of place.

I took a seat as the auction began. There were a lot of art pieces and photographs being auctioned off.

I looked at the pictures Gray chose. It was true they were some of my best, but I definitely didn’t think they should be up there, compared to the other pieces. Especially since the last piece just sold for 25,000 dollars. I was zoning out when Gray’s voice snapped me out of my trance.

“Our next two pieces come as a set. These beautiful photographs were taking by the beautiful (F/N) (L/N). I’ll start the bidding at 1,000.”

“1,000.” a man said holding up his paddle.

Holy shit. Someone wants to pay one thousand dollars for my photographs!

“5,000.” A feminine voice called.

Someone pinch me!

“10,000.”

Oh my god. I’m hyperventilating.

“15,000.”

If anyone bids any higher they’re going to have to pick me up from this floor.

“40,000.”

My entire world came to a pause at that moment.

I know that voice.

“40,000 going once, 40,000 going twice. Sold to Mr. Ackles for 40,000.” Gray grumbled.

I stood up quickly fleeing for the exit. I kept my head down, not wanting to see him. Of course as fate would have it, he caught up to me.

“(y/n) please stop.” Jensen said grabbing my hand.

I quickly rip my hand out of his grasp.

I finally look up meeting his eyes.

Woah.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, big dark circles lay under his eyes making them look lifeless. I felt kind of bad.

Hold up.

Why should I feel bad?

He didn’t feel bad as he screamed at me and kicked me out of his house.

“What are you doing here Jensen? Are you here to scream at me some more? Want to accuse me of anything else?”

I felt the venom dripping off of each word. He looked as if I slapped him in the face.

“I just uh, I want to talk.” He said fumbling over his words.

“Oh now you wanna have a conversation? Jensen you really hurt me.. you don’t get to do things just when it’s convenient for you.”

“I know I hurt you and I’m…. I’m sorry.”

Woah.

In the time that we were together, even when we fought before, I’m sorry has never left Jensen’s lips.

“You’re sorry?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m sorry for accusing you. I’m sorry for all of it. God I know I’m probably the worst person in the world and the last thing you want to do is talk to me but all I’m asking for all I’m begging for is one conversation. Please just come to dinner with me and let’s talk.” He pleaded.

Woah.

I sighed looking at him.

He looked like hell.

“Fine… I’ll go to dinner with you. But only because I’m hungry.” I huffed crossing my arms.

He smiled, putting his hand on the small of my back to lead me out. I quickly pulled away from him.

“oh no Ackles, you don’t have that privilege.” I said.

He holds his hands up in surrender, giving me a flirty smile. He opened the door for us to step out.

“(y/n) wait!”

I turned around to see Gray running towards us. As he got close, I didn’t miss the glare he sent Jensen. He stood in between me and Jensen blocking him from me.

“are you okay?” He asked grabbing my hand.

“yeah you know what I think I got it from here.” Jensen growled placing a hand on Grays shoulder to move him.

Gray shoved his hand off turning around to stare him down. They were the same height and their builds matched up pretty well too. This could be bad.

“I wasn’t asking you.” Gray spit.

“(y/n) come on let’s go.” Jensen said grabbing my arm and pulling me to him.

“don’t tell her what to do.” Gray shot back grabbing my other arm.

“STOP BOTH OF YOU! I’m not some possession to be won.” I yelled ripping my arms away from both men.

“I’m sorry.” Jensen quickly spoke up.

“I’m fine Gray, let’s just go.” I said nodding at Jensen.

Jensen glared at Gray one more time before leading me out. I once again pulled my hand away from him. I was furious!

“I can’t believe you talked to him that way… he’s my boss, you’re going to get me fired.” I growled stopping in the middle of the parking lot.

“yeah well he wants whats mine.”

“ha, whats yours? last time I checked you were the one that said this was never a relationship.” I sneered pointing between us.

“well I was wrong, I want to try again… for real this time… because I’m uh I’m falling in love you, and I never cared about any of this stuff until I met you. Fuck I just want to be with you.” Jensen said.

It was as if the walls he built were crumbling down.

“I want to believe you.. I do but, Jensen I can’t keep waiting around for you to let me in. It’s not fair how you get to shut down and push me away. You said some really hurtful things and now you want to pretend like it didn’t happen.”

He was silent as he stared at me.

Of course, shutting down like always.

I sighed and turned to walk away when his voice caught me off guard.

“there were two names.”

I quickly pivoted back around giving him a confused look.

“you asked me what was her name, the one that did this to me… there were two. Elle and my mother.” He spilled.

“come on Jensen not here.” I said pulling him to the car.

I pulled open the door to the back seat, sliding in with Jensen following me. I sat quietly hoping he would continue.

“Uh ok when I was young my dad decided he didn’t want to be a dad anymore and he left. I thought that it was all my fault. It really hurt my mother. Instead of coping with it, she turned to drugs, heroin for one. I didn’t know about it at first but then she started missing baseball games and picking me up from school. Dinner started to come from a box every night and it got to the point where I had to make my own. I fell down at baseball and broke my arm. I cried for my mom but she was too busy getting high that she didn’t notice. My baseball coach took me to the ER and when they couldn’t get in touch with my mom they sent police to my house. They found her with a needle in her arm. I was immediately taken from her custody, and placed with my aunt. I thought that once Mom got clean, she’d come for me… but she never did. Turns out she blamed me too. When I needed her the most, she wasn’t there. I desperately just wanted her attention and never got it. I guess that’s why I looked for that attention elsewhere. That’s when I met Elle. She made me feel like I mattered, like I meant something. I fell in love with her quickly, shared all of my firsts with her. I was so in love with her, I even proposed. I thought I was going to share my life with this girl. Now supernatural was just getting popular at this time. All of a sudden horrible things started coming out about me. I didn’t know where the tabloids were getting this information but none of it was true. It got so bad that they thought about recasting me in the show. One day I noticed Elle left her phone on the stand. I went through it and saw that she had been selling stories about me to the tabloids for money. She was also seeing someone else behind my back. She never loved me. She just pretended. I was heart broken. I felt like I lost everything. I swore from that day forward I’d never give a woman that power over me again, and that’s why I don’t kiss anyone cause then that means it’s real. And I’ve stuck to my word….up until now.”

I let Jensen’s words sink in.

No wonder he was the way he was. He’d been hurt badly by two women who were supposed to love and take care of him.

I didn’t noticed how long I sat there in silence until he spoke up.

“say something to me please.” He pleaded.

I looked in his eyes and saw they were misty with tears.

I didn’t say anything.

Instead I pulled his head to my chest, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He quickly wrapped his arms around me as silent sobs escaped his lips.

We sat there in silence for a moment while we both collected ourselves.

“thank you for telling me that.. I’m sorry that people made you feel like that. I’m sorry that the person who was supposed to love you and support you didn’t, but Jensen not everyone is going to be that way. I know getting close to people is scary. I’m scared too.” I admitted.

Jensen picked his head up looking me in the eyes.

“I’m falling in love with you (F/N) (L/N).” Jensen whispered, leaning his forehead against mine.

“I’m falling in love with you too, Jensen Ackles.” I whispered back.

“can we please try again? I promise to be more open, I promise to work on my intimacy issues. I promise I will never hurt you that way again.” He pleaded.

“okay but one condition.”

“what’s that?”

“we take it slow.”

Author Note:

Awwe poor boy! who do you think leaked the information if not Stella? What’s going on with Gray? Hmm guess you’ll just have to come back for more!

Part (IX)

[fincalinde]

you’ve mentioned a few times in your meta that you view nmj as being hypocritical, and i’m inclined to agree with you! would you share some specific quotes from the text that you feel especially support this reading of his character? 👀

It is one of my favourite words to apply to him, isn’t it! I think that’s because a) it’s true, and b) NMJ’s reputation for righteousness (and his belief in his own righteousness) grant an in-universe illusion of consistency that often bleeds through to external readings of him. So I press the point, because it’s fundamental to his character and I usually see it elided or reduced to all-bark-and-no-bite-grumpy-bear-with-a-heart-of-gold fanon NMJ.

And oh yes, there’s an absolute wealth of quotes supporting this. As always, I use the EXR fan translation because I’m old school.

Christ, this got long. Click for more.

It’s all relative, man

First we need to establish what NMJ’s principles supposedly are.

[Nie Huaisang’s] brother, Nie Mingjue, was extremely resolute when carrying out orders, quite renowned in the cultivation world. […] Nie Mingjue had always taught his younger brother with extreme harshness, particularly caring for his studies. (Chapter 13)

[…] he took over the Nie Sect before he even reached twenty, doing everything in a direct, forceful fashion. (Chapter 21)

When he lived, Nie Mingjue was often exasperated by the fact that his brother didn’t meet expectations, so he disciplined him strictly. (Chapter 21)

In spite of Nie Mingjue being a junior to Jin Guangshan, he conducted himself in a strict manner and refused to tolerate Xue Yang no matter what. (Chapter 30)

Without any hesitation, Nie Mingjue scolded, “Drinking the water he brought you while speaking such spiteful words! Did you join my forces not to kill the Wen-dogs but to make idle talk?!” (Chapter 48)

“A proper man should carry himself with proud righteousness. There’s no need to care for the talk of those idlers.” (Chapter 48)

As we can see, NMJ is all about righteousness, but we don’t get too many details confirming what that righteousness entails. We’re expected to make assumptions based on context: that his values are in line with the ideal values of his society, and that he’s living his life according to those principles (and enforcing said principles on others).

This is worth keeping in mind. We know NMJ is ‘righteous’. We know, in a general sense, what societal standards for morality are in this setting and we see the tension between society’s theoretical standards, its actual standards, and the moral frameworks of characters such as WWX and LXC. And there’s tension between those standards and NMJ’s moral framework, too. But though WWX attempts (and fails) to opt out and LXC attempts (and fails) to find a better way through open conversation and consideration of context, their failures are not due to hypocrisy but instead larger forces at play. In other words, they go up against society and society wins.

NMJ has a problem with society too, but for him the problem is not with its rules and assumptions—it’s with the individuals who make it up. He has no problem with the system. To NMJ, the system is a good thing. If only the people in it would rigidly conform to the rules, everything would be fine. And an outlook like that can only ever lead to hypocrisy, not just because human beings and their actions don’t fit into rigid categories, but because by not attempting to navigate the system (LXC, JGY, JC) or even attempting to opt out (WWX, LWJ, XY), NMJ positions himself above society, as a moral arbiter.

This is why he feels entitled to upbraid JGS, who is a generation above him. It’s why he feels entitled to harass and attempt to murder JGY for not being loyal to NMJ over and above his filial duty to his father. These actions are after he’s reached the point of no return with the sabre spirit, yes, but they didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s just the nadir of a path he’s been on presumably his entire life.

All the information is on the task

NMJ is very good at bending his supposedly rigid principles when it’s convenient for him, while not offering any grace or understanding to others who do the same. And ‘others’, let’s be real, usually equates to JGY. The horror vortex of NMJ’s obsession with controlling JGY really cannot be escaped.

Let’s start with the biggie. JGY is naturally the one who calls NMJ out, because he’s the only one who can see the emperor has no clothes, and by clothes I mean leg to stand on.

“But, Brother, I have always wanted to ask you something—the lives under your hands are in any regard more than those under mine, so why is it that I only killed a few cultivators out of desperation and you keep on bringing it up, even until now?” (Chapter 48)

“Are you saying that all of the people you killed deserved their deaths? […] Then, may I ask, just how do you decide if someone deserves death? Are your standards absolutely correct? If I kill one but save hundreds, would the good outweigh the bad, or would I still deserve death? To do great things, sacrifices must happen.” (Chapter 48)

Chifeng-zun, my man, he has nailed you. The point is not to start drawing equivalences in quite the way JGY is doing—I would certainly argue that if you’re killing undeserving people for the greater good you’d better have one hell of a greater good to be aiming for, even in the crapsack world of MDZS. JGY’s argument is partly a numbers game, but I want to set that aside, because it’s a distraction from his core point, to which numbers are irrelevant: can NMJ truly justify every single murder he has ever committed? Because if he can’t, he’s condemned by his own supposed standards. Note JGY’s use of the word ‘absolute’. NMJ is a moral absolutist! Is he absolutely sure? And if he is sure, does it matter that he’s sure? Why is his certainty more important than anyone else’s?

NMJ never once grapples with these questions. If he did, he might be able to pull the teeth of his own hypocrisy by acknowledging it and engaging with it. But of course he’s not capable of that, certainly not by the time of this scene.

And speaking of NMJ’s hypocrisy re: who does and doesn’t deserve to die…

“Very well! I’ll kill myself after I kill you!” (Chapter 49)

But Roquen, you cry! NMJ says such an utterly mad thing because he’s battered and beaten and not thinking clearly, not to mention past the point of no return with the sabre spirit as he’s been cultivating with resentful energy intensely throughout the war! That’s why he walks it back after LXC intervenes!

To which I say: it is almost as though context matters!

And yes, I’m aware of the context. I’m aware that just before this bit of dialogue the narrative claims JGY pointing out ‘if I hadn’t killed them you’d be dead’ is a subtle way of saying ‘you can’t kill me because you owe me your life’ as though that’s purely manipulative rather than being, you know, true. ‘Even if you refuse to accept I acted for the best, please don’t kill me and I’m going to subtly remind you that you owe me to maximise my chances of getting you to not kill me (after I just risked my life to save yours when it would have been 100x better for me personally if you died)’ is hardly an outrageous position.

It’s interesting, though, isn’t it, that NMJ never again mentions taking his own life as a matter of principle, despite the fact that he subsequently attempts to murder JGY again for the apparently unforgivable crime of … not being able to overrule his abusive father about XY, and then having the temerity to complain to LXC about NMJ’s attempt to murder him.

Obviously the Jin are a huge threat after the war, but these are all pretty feeble reasons for piling on JGY. Sure, maybe JGY would also have tried to protect XY if JGS weren’t around, but the fact is that JGS is around and he’s calling the shots. Besides, once JGS is out of the picture JGY has no issue disposing of XY (with Dr Evil levels of ineptness, apparently), so that’s a fairly decent indicator he’s not ride or die. As for the fact that JGY is making nice to NMJ’s face but complaining behind his back, well. Regardless of any genuine desire to vent to his only friend, I have no doubt he was indeed trying to drive a wedge between NMJ and LXC as a strategic move. But is it wrong of him to do so, considering NMJ is a genuine and present threat to his life and LXC is just not getting it? And does any of the above, including his struggle to maintain his position and all the other work he does for his father mean he deserves death—immediate, extrajudicial and violent death?

Let me put it this way. NMJ is making JGY responsible for his father’s actions and his father’s orders—the question of whether JGY is on board with his father’s instructions is academic, because he has no choice in the matter. JGY cannot opt out of his situation. The only opt out is death, and that is not a meaningful choice because no one else is getting vilified for having the audacity to fight for their place in their world rather than lie down and die. And even if JGY really were a cackling supervillain 100% on board with his father’s diabolical plans, NMJ’s focus on him to the exclusion of JGS is driven by emotion and not by a rational evaluation of the morality and logistics of the situation.

And when he’s insisting that JGY deserves death (and trying to mete it out to him) NMJ never again considers for a moment whether, if JGY really deserves to die, then maybe he does too.

As a third example, to make it a hat trick, we have this:

However, Jin Guangyao wasn’t his subordinate anymore. Only after they became sworn brothers would he have the status and the position to urge Jin Guangyao, like how he disciplined his younger brother, Nie Huaisang. (Chapter 49)

“Brother, it really was my father’s orders. I couldn’t refuse. Now. if you want me to take care of Xue Yang, what would I say to him?” (Chapter 49)

NMJ is perfectly aware that according to the rules of their society and the moral framework he himself subscribes to, JGY’s highest authority is his father. But NMJ can’t accept that. He thinks he should be the ultimate authority over JGY, and though he couches it in moral terms about wanting JGY to follow the correct path, what he really means is what he himself considers to be the correct path. As always, he doesn’t listen to JGY’s perfectly valid points about how it’s not possible for him to do the ‘right’ thing as he just doesn’t have that kind of authority and will only end up making his own life worse. I don’t have a quote demonstrating this, but considering everything we know about NMJ, I think we can infer he would not take kindly to JGY ordering NHS to do something futile and self-destructive in the name of the correct path, purely on the grounds that JGY is now his elder brother.

I’ll acknowledge again that JGY is absolutely an accomplice in his father’s schemes, and the originator of a fair few of them since he’s politically gifted. But it’s just not possible to untangle JGY’s complicity from his need (and his right!) to survive. NMJ is correct to be concerned about JGY as a risk, because he’s a huge asset to JGS. But once again, making JGY a target is not the moral or even the sensible thing to do. We know JGY enjoys aspects of what his father asks him to do. We also know that once his father is out of the picture he gets rid of XY, purges the Jin of corruption and pushes through the watchtower project. When he has agency as a clan leader he doesn’t follow his father’s political agenda to the letter, to say the least! So there is certainly a large dollop of truth in his claims that he has no choice and he’s unhappy and vulnerable.

And then a bonus, something not linked to JGY to demonstrate that NMJ’s hypocrisy extends beyond his personal vendetta.

Nie Mingjue spoke coldly. “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.” (Chapter 73)

Charming. Funny how NMJ says this after spending the war fighting on the same side as the guy who invented demonic cultivation and controls an army of desecrated corpses, violating every possible social and cultural principle they have. But the Sunshot Campaign would have failed without WWX’s contributions, so I suppose NMJ thought that compromise was acceptable. It’s all right for him to stay silent and not oppose WWX, since WWX has been useful to his own agenda. What’s not acceptable is staying silent when the consequence is your own violent death and literally no good whatsoever being achieved thereby.

Aside from being a hypocrite, NMJ is also pathologically incapable of self-reflection.

Finish him!

At the end of the day, NMJ’s principles are inherently contradictory because he’s living in morally relative world where the narrative expects us to take context into account and root for a protagonist who brutally tortures his enemies to death and a romantic lead who find+replaces his ethical framework with ‘Wei Ying’.

It is simply not possible for NMJ to be both righteous and rigid, so when he chooses to be rigid he foregoes being righteous. Even in his moments of flexibility, he continues to apply harsh standards to others that he refuses to apply to himself. That’s what makes him a hypocrite. He isn’t a bastion of absolute morality in a sea of corruption. He’s in denial about the nuanced reality he’s living in, and placing himself on high as a moral authority with no actual mandate. Hypocrisy inevitably results, and the consequences are hugely damaging to everyone around him.

[sepetajmikolikomehoces]

I seriously do not know how to make this coherent. I think if we just dive in not expecting it, it won't feel so disjointed.

This was one of the most magical weekends of my life, by far the best one this year so far and I think it will hold up pretty damn well in the long run. I am so, so happy that I didn't end up selling my Saturday ticket, despite it being an upper level seated ticket. I was afraid I'd feel very removed and that the view would be obscured, but it was all but.

Like that is pretty dang good.

Didn't queue for overly long either day, and met some really, really lovely people. If you feel like you at any point talked to me, hi, hello, I am so happy to have met you!!

Openers were really good, I enjoyed both Pilvet pilvet and JC Stewart, and I hope to hear more from both in the future.

Saturday's setlist was a bit of a shock, ngl. No ASTP? No NGVOT? No Barve?? On the other hand: my soul ascended during the Gola opening and I was very emotional during Vem da greš. It's been an anthem for me since last fall, and getting to experience it live, even from my seat, was just... yeah. A Lot. We'd gotten folded paper butterflies to hold up if they played Metulji and it was one of the most beautiful renditions I have heard of it, with Jan on the piano, Bojan singing and a sea of paper butterflies floating. I could be wrong, but Bojan seemed a bit taken by the whole thing in a positive way.

I had maybe had a feeling that Everybody's waiting would be a song that would come into its own right live and it definitely did. This weekend really made me fall even more in love with it, and though Bojan was clearly nervous about it, it was nice to see a bit of humour around the performance, with Jan having to help play the intro notes.

The two new songs they premiered on Saturday were such bangers, I have not been able to get them out of my head. Between Šta bih ja and Bluza, I am leaning more towards Bluza. There is something about it that gives me the same kind of emotional response as Vem da greš, but they are both going to be on heavy rotation, the sound is just... chef's kiss for both.

I know there had been a lot of hype and expectations re: Käärijä and the possibility of him doing a song with them. As much as it would have been fun, I'm actually happy he didn't, and simply got to enjoy the show as a spectator. Getting Häärijä as Hojan was more than enough, I think I pulled something laughing so hard.

We got the band out for a second encore (after Carpe Diem and Novi val), and they did Šta bih ja again, and it made my heart so fucking happy to see them so excited and bouncy.

For Sunday, I had early entrance, and let me tell you... when Bojan announced they were soundchecking ASTP... my soul left me, I was fucking LEVITATING. Getting NGVOT with Kris after that (following a very random rendition of Ring of Fire by Bojan) was just perfection. I also completely froze when Jure came over and talked to the girls in front of me. Like I fully just glitched, couldn't make myself speak, couldn't make myself take a picture, just stood there like the personification of bluescreening. That sunshiney fucker has too much power.

They switched up the setlist for Sunday and as sad as I was at losing out on Vem da greš up close, I felt more than happy about instead getting Barve oceana and Padam, as well as another new song. Setlist said it was called Schlager, Bojan said it might be named Behind Those Eyes OR Galaxy of Me, so it's going to be fun to see what they settle on finally. Either way, the song was a whole damn vibe, and I hope people going to the rest of the tour will get to enjoy both these and other new songs.

Padam had me up in my feels HARD. Again with Jan accompanying on the piano, it was just a really raw and intimate rendition that hit me right in my soul. I've had "Zdaj padam in padam, a me bo kdo ujel?" on my letterboard at home for the last two months, and hearing this line... ooft, my heart.

Having seen recordings of Novi val live is NOTHING compared to experiencing it live. It is one of the best songs out there and the chorus hits me every. single. time. There is something so sweet and gentle about the setup of it, Kris on guitar, Bojan singing and the rest of them just enjoying the moment, taking everything in.

I think the thing that I'll ultimately cherish the most is the easy atmosphere, the connection the band had with the audience, and the fact that I got to be there and that I got to do all of this with friends. This weekend has been a beacon for me since they announced it and since I got the tickets. Going to a JO gig has been on my bucketlist. I got to cross that off and have so much fun while doing it, and you can bet your fucking ass I will try to get tickets to Ruisrock this summer.

[asideoftrashplease]

A reminder to those going "WWX gave up so much for JC and JC still chose his sect over WWX"

"JC chose preserving YMJ over WWX" is a single act. But the truth is that he was choosing WWX over his sect CONSTANTLY for years before that.

He chose WWX over YMJ when he got his core destroyed saving WWX. When he chose to save WWX, he chose WWX's life over his own life, his sect, his parent's legacy, and the WEIGHT of his ENTIRE lineage resting on him alone. His parents JUST DIED to make sure he lived to continue the bloodline and to bring back YMJ. He chose WWX over YMJ when people started shit talking WWX about not carrying his sword and the demonic cultivation, and he continued to stand by WWX with little more than a "carry your sword next time". How many times did he hear people saying that WWX was a black mark on YMJ, and he refused to cast WWX out or to even CENSURE him in front of an audience. Even when he's BOILING on the inside because WWX broke the Wen remnants out without telling him first, he defends WWX against other people, and stands up for WWX's cause, even when he has difficulty believing in it himself. He sticks his neck out, as the youngest sect leader who people still see as a child, speaking against his elders -- JGS, NMJ, LQR, and EVERYONE ELSE, to explain WWX's actions in breaking out the Wens. Even when he's FURIOUS and HURT that WWX did all this without (from his POV) any care for JC, the sect, and the hard spot he's now in.

JC chose WWX for years and years and years. "JC chose his sect and position over WWX" was a single act. But for years before that, he was making the continuous and repeated decision to choose WWX over his own position, pride, reputation, and sect.

From his POV, it felt like he was choosing WWX over and over and OVER again, and WWX could never be bothered to choose him even ONCE in return. And that's the crux of the betrayal, and why he eventually turned on WWX. It was: "I would have died for you. I DIED FOR YOU. I was tortured and mutilated and burnt. I defended you and stuck my neck out for you. I put myself and YMJ in the line of fire for years."

"And you don't give a shit about me."

And the tragedy is that WE KNOW THAT ISN'T TRUE. We know that WWX is not carrying his sword not because he doesn't care about what others think, and not because he doesn't care that they are giving YMJ and JC a hard time because of it. It's because he lost his core and can't fight back if he's challenged to a duel.

We know that he broke out the Wen remnants largely because he owes WN and WQ a HUGE life debt, huger than the one he actually tells JC about (i.e. they helped us get back JFM and YZY's bodies). He owes them a life debt for restoring JC's core.

But JC doesn't know that.

And so, the crux of the betrayal is "I chose you for years and years but you never chose me even once." I believe those were the underlying feelings behind JC leading the siege: betrayal, hurt, and misunderstandings.