#JUST THINKING SSO HARD. AND FUCKING HELL

[shiroselia]

I think in general that SSO’s biggest thing against it that isn’t really its own fault but definitely doesn’t Help it is that it released pretty much Exactly before video games started becoming mainstream and started having a proper industry with winnings and earnings which made investors actually put stock in it and exactly before people started becoming Really Fucking Good at making video games

SSO is from its time in so many ways and it shows that it was also really lucky in how big it got because I think if SSO had died in like 2016, 2017, it would’ve been a fine game, even though it was already playing impossible catchup to industry standard even then, it would’ve still been a solid game by then, but surviving into the 2020s especially when the indie side of things truly in every way Owns the industry by now it really is just fighting a losing battle because unlike the rest of the industry SSO takes time to improve, and the gaming industry had a massive jump in basically everything a solid half a decade after it released and was already basically a miracle child

[sensitivegoblin]

AHG!!!!!!!!!!!

Im screaming until my throat hurts in my mind

[juni-ravenhall]

sso and "its just a kids game!", "its not that deep!"

ive been thinking a lot about how there are things you really can and should excuse sso for "because its a kids game". those are things like the silly tone in serious situations, when carl and a DC goon just want to eat ice cream instead of doing villain things, or when mr anwir says "so anyway back to my evil speech", or when avalon/druid says :O, or when katja puts on an evil playlist and we change it to a less-evil playlist during a not-really-canon event quest. the goofy tone of the game makes it less scary despite having some dark and scary elements in the story.

(the goofiness shouldnt mess up the logic of the story, though, which i think the dark riders and DC really have an issue with, but thats a bit too much of a tangent.)

or things like making sure you know that nobody died when you and the soul riders did a thing, or seeing someone blast off in a goofy way after being struck, so you dont feel bad about it, or take away the lesson that killing bad guys is fine. making sure to spell it out to you if theres a lesson to be learnt sometimes, or shoving the magic of friendship in your face (although in a shallow way).

or having non-punishing and laidback gameplay (except economically) to suit the youngest players, like not having to lose anything if you fail, or giving the player very clear instructions for quests, or having NPCs not be very hard to defeat compared to games targeted to older teens and adults. (but accommodating young players that barely read and have never played a game before, or players with disabilities that can't always play in the most hardcore gaming manner, and so on - accessibility - shouldnt in any way relate to having bad or clunky gameplay or game design. sso doesn't actually do a good job of being accommodating, it would be much better if there was genuinely fun, well-designed, challenging gameplay for those who seek it, while allowing those who dont to take their time and play the same thing at their own pace without failing - having properly designed races and champs and overhauling the scoreboard system and testing every race until they're at the quality they should be; having rewards like more js for reaching higher scores while still allowing players to earn okay js if they aren't aiming for the gold medal times or highscore boards. having fun and challenging gameplay mechanics with different difficulties. etc. the concept of "adaptive difficulty" is also interesting.)

theres things that are very reasonable to excuse in kids media. theres just also parts that i dont excuse and dont think its appropriate to excuse. when ppl do the "its a kids game!" thing, its not always about what i described above.

should you excuse low-quality game design and gameplay functionality just because its a kids game? no, not at this price point, anyway - there are kids games for free or for a couple $€ out there that might be validly priced. however, this is also *especially* bad in "girl games" (fuck gender and sexism, but society exists). girl games are notorious for being low quality and not comparable in quality to "boy games" at the same price points. perpetuating this - trying to get girl game audiences' money without providing quality girl games - is a problem of misogyny and exploitation. not excusable.

should you excuse bad writing just because its a kids game? i certainly dont. i dont like badly written kids books, or picture books, or cartoons, and i didnt prefer low quality content over high quality content when i was a kid, either (but quality means different things in different circumstances and to different people). your ability to tell if something is crappy or great improves as you age, but even if its definitely possible for a kid to enjoy the hell out of an objectively low quality piece of media, there are problems that often arise from bad writing and bad design... because where low quality writing comes from, there is often also a lack of care for important issues and topics, and a lack of respect for the target audience.

should you excuse racial or sexist stereotypes, or fatphobia and harmful beauty standards in general, or ableism, or cishet normativity, lack of diversity, just because its a kids game? isnt it *even more important* in a kids game, since kids are still learning so much about the world and starting to form perspectives and opinions and feelings about it for the first time?

if you think "but sso doesn't have much of that!", i think you might have played the game with a very different perspective than i did. what about how courtney, the summers sister, is framed as a joke because of how she looks - you're supposed to find it funny (and sweet though!) that carl franz thinks she's beautiful and perfect, because that's not how the game assumes you reacted to her. the brothers obviously also are meant to be seen as goofy looking but i don't remember if it was handled in such a direct way as with courtney. the game also assumes that you find xin scary or strange-looking when you see him without his mask (it's in ydris' dialogue); which is especially fucked up since he's a person of short stature (and also part of the "circus freak" stereotype!), but also always fucked up regardless - people just exist, man. we are born looking some kind of way. it's fucked up to think xin or courtney are ugly. it's fucked up that we were supposed to find a disabled little girl scary during an old halloween event (i think her back was hunched and she walked differently?). it's fucked up to think pi is ugly, or mrs holdsworth, or the GED workers. i want the world to stop thinking of normal human traits as "ugly" no matter how unusual or usual those traits are, or how symmetrical or not, or how popular or not, how old or young you look, how sick or healthy you look, or whatever the fuck. its all ridiculous and should be stopped. we should think of people in terms of kindness, in terms of shared interests and shared joy, in terms of healthy relationships, in terms of caring and loving and making the world a good place to live in for everyone.

and thats just the aspect of beauty standards and shit. i havent even gotten started on the shallow idea of diversity they executed in the production of this game. on how there were lots of random npcs of colour suddenly, but without bringing poc in as important key characters with interesting and engaging continuous presence in the story. how the dark riders feature the most buff and masculine female character, a physically threatening and masculine woman of colour. how they were going to have 3/4 poc in the dark riders while the soul riders are 1.5/4, and the remaining dark rider appears to have albinism which makes it another harmful ableist stereotype. how so many of the important characters were designed as white - yes, its a swedish game, but the game is not from the 1950s, is it? when sso was released, sweden's population was more than 10% foreign-born. today it's even higher. can you guess if there is a class issue and if rich white game studio owners and directors didn't really think about people who weren't blond and light eyed and white?

or the lack of body diversity in anyone else than 40+ year old characters. sure, it's good there was anyone fat or beefy or differently shaped at all. and it's understandable that they didn't have the resources at the time of release to make the player character more customisable (doesn't excuse the lack of diversity in skintones though) and went with their typical fatphobic misogynist 2000's cartoon look they'd already created before sso (dont get me wrong, i love the old art, we can enjoy aspects of things while also criticising them). but they already *did* create npcs with different bodies and faces on and off - especially the 40+ yos - and there was nothing stopping them from spending a little more time on creating a fat young adult npc, or one with an androgynous body, or a beefy female npc, or other diverse bodies and faces, rather than spending it on putting together 10 more generic skinny background npcs (have you ever thought about just how fucking many random unnecessary npcs are in this game?).

those are a lot of things that are pretty serious and that you have to kind of be woke and analytical to think about in the first place (most players - esp if they themselves dont feel especially oppressed irl - arent ever going to really think about these issues, or might actively be *for* some of the issues, such as in the case of fatphobia directed towards the player model update). other things like the game design and quality of the gameplay, inconsistent writing and design and graphics and so on, are things more players might notice since it can make the game just feel more boring or frustrating compared to other games you play, even if you dont think too hard about the whys and hows.

but the fact that kids might not realise that theres ableism or racism or fatphobia or misogyny or that theyre being pushed into spending money on something that isnt really up to the standard - thats not really a reason to excuse those things. and if someone says "the writing is really bad" or "this makes no sense" or "why did they design these characters this way" or "this horse game sucks and is boring and inconsistent", rather than just saying "its just a kids game", "why do you take it so seriously", "its not that deep", maybe its worth considering this, that there are things you absolutely should excuse kids media for, and other things you really, really shouldnt.

[razorblade180-heated]

A brief rest

[Shameless smut]

There was a time and a place for everything. One of many things Jaune’s sisters had told him as he was growing. He never really understood what they meant, but he did know one thing as he walked down the halls of the Schnee Manor; his time and place wasn’t with Nora and Ren right now. Poor boy felt the tension and immediately hightailed out. Three is a crowd after all, another lesson taught to him.

“I hope those two work things out.” He thought, not paying attention as he unexpectedly got poked in the side. Jaune nearly jumped out of his skin until he realized it had been Weiss who had tried getting his attention.

The petite girl smiled at his obliviousness. She had grown super fond of it in recent days. “How’s Ren and Nora?”

“Oh you know, tense. But they seemed to be clearing the air so that’s good. I think they’ll be okay.”

The good news brought ease to Weiss. “Good, seeing those two arguing feels like it’s against the natural order of things. Kinda like with Yang and Ruby?”

“Oh yeah, how is the discussion going?”

“We’re...taking a short break. Everyone needs a moment to just, let things sink in. It’s been hard on Ruby lately.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Jaune sighed.

Weiss watched him slide is fingers through his hair as he tried to un-tense his body. “Looks like Ruby isn’t the only one who needs a moment.” A warmth can to Weiss’s face. Her gaze began to focus on her feet while her fingers rubbed the fabric of her skirt. “You know...we have like twenty minutes or so; and everyone else is doing their own thing.” Weiss looked up at him, more than a little flustered.

Jaune blushed back. “Tempting offer, but maybe we should hold-”

“I know it’s risky, and they might find out about us.” Weiss said, cutting him off. “Still...I...I just really missed you when you were gone okay?” She blurted out, her voice letting out a quiet yell of embarrassment. Their eyes locked in flustered tension. Weiss could feel her chest start to pound. “My room is...just down this all. Just saying.” She added.

What felt like an eternity but was actually several seconds was Jaune trying to wrestle with his girlfriend’s honesty; before he took her by the hand and was lead down the hall to the room in no time at all. Jaune walked in and heard the door close. Before he can even say anything, Weiss had jumped up into his arms and brought his face down into a deep and intense kiss. The young man couldn’t help but groan from the way the Snow Angel’s tongue enchanted his into being ensnared.

Weiss released him from her lip lock. “I’d kiss longer but we’re on a tight schedule here. Have me however.” She gasped, shocked by her own brashness. Weiss held on tightly as Jaune spun around and landed on the bed with his body on top of her. His teeth gently sunk into her pale neck, earning him more gasps while his hands traced up her legs to her thighs; stopping right at her entrance where he pulled the huntress’s panties to the side. He didn’t waste a second entering his middle finger in, curling it slightly to rub against the the roof of her pussy.

“Mmmmm~!” Weiss’s legs begin to fidget from Jaune’s advances. Her own hips began to betray her as they started rocking in rhythm with the finger thrusting into her. “J-Jaune~” Weiss wrapped her arms aground his back. “I know I said tight schedule, but- ah~ my panties. T-take them off...” She requested. Jaune thankfully listened, removing his finger and himself from on top of her, giving Weiss a moment to raise her hips and slide her white lace off onto one leg.

Jaune thought it best to unbuckle his own pants while she got ready “That’s pretty fancy given the situation.” He quipped.

“Well I didn’t know doomsday was gonna hit so soon.” Weiss sat up to help him out. Her hands lifted his shirt enough to see his lower stomach. A coy smile spread on her face as she started kissing bellow his navel while her hands helped his pull his pants down along with his boxers.

“Weiss...” He stuttered as he felt her lips sink lower.”

“Shhh, can’t have you go in dry now can we?” Weiss’s face turned a deep red as she wrapped her lips around Jaune’s hardening length, quivering at the way the weight and size began filling her mouth. His overwhelming scent didn’t help regain any further composure. It only made her head a bit light as she started to bob up and down slowly. This part was still extremely new for her and Weiss would be lying if she said this part didn’t always make her anxious, but it also...excited her. Weiss felt the weight of Jaune’s hand rest on her head gently as she took in half of the six inch phallus before having to go back up. It annoyed her that the entire thing was too threatening, but took pride in the symphony of moans she took from Jaune by swirling her tongue to taste all she could.

“W-Weiss! That’s...mmgh, that’s enough.” His mouth said one thing but his hands said another, gripping her hair for a bit more control. “Shit....aahh~ don’t make me cum yet. Not without you.”

Weiss felt her heart flutter. “Geez he can say embarrassing stuff like that even now!?” Her lips released him not a moment too see. Weiss watched his length throb intently. She had to fight the urge to push him over the edge right here and now. Jaune usually had a longer fuse than this from their limited experience, but they’ve been incredibly busy these last couple days. It was a safe bet to assume he never got a private moment of rest in all that time. Neither did she for that matter. Weiss didn’t want to admit but she ached for him badly. In more ways than one.

“I know I said have me however, but can I ride you?” She said, hesitant for a moment. The fluttering in her heart didn’t want to stop. Jaune took hold of her skirt and hiked it up to stomach. The sudden hit of cold air made Weiss yelp before moving her legs to each side of him so he can lift her up and reposition himself for her sit comfortably. Well, as comfortably as someone could be while riding.

“Think they’ll hear the bed rock?” Jaune said, leaning against the headrest.

“Wouldn’t care if they did. It’s just us right now.” Weiss pulled him into another feverish kiss. More feverish than the last. Any separation between their lips was hungrily sealed again and again. The frenzy of it all threatened to make Weiss lose sight of the objective. It was a good thing Jaune wasn’t so easily swept in, taking hold to steady her hips with one hand as he sat her down on his eager length. Weiss whimpered in pleasure from the sudden shock of being filled up. She put her arms over his shoulders to grip the headrest while she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“Ahh! Aaahhh! Mmmphh~” The calm and poise Weiss normally showed had been completely shattered with each pant she let out from spearing herself onto Jaune. “Gods, you feel so good~” her hips were on auto pilot. It didn’t feel like there was a place Jaune wasn’t rubbing against. Her ability to try and keep herself together only dwindled further as Jaune nipped at her ear. “Mmmmm~!!!”

Jaune could barely stand being inside of her. Every sway of her hips only invited a warm and now dripping pussy to tighten around him like a vice. “Ahh! Fuck you’re tight~ Weiss, what’s gotten into you!?” He asked between grunts.

“I...mmmph I just...” Her arms squeezed him even harder as she did her best to all but slam her hips into him, making her sweat a little. “I’m... really glad you’re safe okay!? I was worried about you.” She confessed.

Jaune could no longer sit still. Not after hearing that. “I’m glad you’re safe too.” He lustfully whispered.

Weiss felt his hands move from her waist, taking hold of her ass firmly. “Jaune? What are-” the young man slightly lifted her up with ease to the point Weiss felt his dick began exciting, before slamming her back down on it to fill her body at once. Weiss could only gasp initially until Jaune repeated the movement again and again until the pleasure hit her. “AAAAH! F- AAH! AAAAAH!”

“Sssshhh, bite down or they’ll hear.” He said, refusing to stop.

Weiss bit down on his shoulder not caring how hard she did it. Each time she was slammed down, Weiss’s voice escaped as grunts and strained breathes. The use of her hips was souly on him now as he raged inside body. Eventually her grunts turned to whimpers as he kept pumping into her, making the room echo with her soaked sex.

“S..sso...mmmph! Deeeep~” Weiss felt like she was soaring. Her own nails started to dig into the headrest as she desperately tried hanging on to this high. “Jaune~ It’s....” she had given up speaking.

Jaune whispered with voice drowned in a husky yearning, “Just let me fuck you a little longer okay?”

“....Kay....” she whispered. Never had Weiss heard that voice, or was shown this much intensity. She wasn’t sure what flipped this switch in Jaune but she hopped it wouldn’t be the last time. Her body continued to take her boyfriend’s dick. At this point, cumming together had long since been ruined. Weiss wasn’t sure if she was on her second or third wave. Hell, it might even be fourth. All she knew was another one was rising and Jaune was still fucking her intensely. To think she almost let him top made Weiss believe she dodged a bullet. This was already approaching too much.

“Thank goodness I’m not any smaller and he isn’t any bigger.”

“Weiss...where do you want it?” Jaune grunted, “I’m close!”

If wasn’t for the fact danger could arrive soon and all hands needed to be deck, Weiss could’ve easily entertained letting him give it to her inside without question. However, they had things they needed to do.

“Mouth~” Weiss shut her eyes tightly. Every muscle in her body tensed violently as another orgasm hit her. The petite girl still had enough sense to remove her teeth from his shoulder and bit down on his hoodie, muffling her scream as best she could, which wasn’t much.

Jaune bit down on his lip, pushing through Weiss’s grip on him to allow her to ride her wave as long she could before having to finally lift her off and laying her beside him. “Weiss, I’m- ah!” The girl may have been flushed and dazed, but that’s been this entire experience. Weiss didn’t miss a beat in taking Jaune back into her mouth, letting him cum in a place that wouldn’t leave any stains or potentially cause future problems.

The potent taste wasn’t anything to write home about, yet Weiss found herself moaning and doing her best to take every last drop. He had to give, blushing all the while. How dangerous. She could get used to this. Finally she swallowed everything and even clean around the tip before laying limply beside Jaune. Her head turned towards a ticking clock in the room.

“Eleven minutes. That means we have four or five more to rest. Hehehe, pretty good time.” Weiss put her hand on her forehead and let her body treasure the rest time.”

Jaune couldn’t help but watch his flushed girlfriend catch her breath. He gently lifted his hand to wipe displaced strands of hair out of face and admire her eyes. Even when tired, Weiss remained beautiful. “Need me to get you a water, or perfume?”

“I’ll get those in a moment. Thank you though.” She rolled over to lay her head on him. “Hmmm you’re warm; also more unpredictable than I expected. What got into you back there? Not that I’m complaining.”

“You said you worried about me.” He said. Jaune looked to see Weiss look at with such genuine kindness that his own words made him blush and look away. “It...really made me happy to hear that. If that makes any sense.”

Perhaps their relationship was still sinking in for him emotionally? That’s what Weiss assumed anyways. “I get it.” She said smiling. Weiss turned his head back towards her. “I feel the same. I know things are still pretty new, but I really like us, you.” She blushed, “I really like you.” The flutter in her heart finally started calm down like the rest of her body. Weiss finally felt at ease. That was until Jaune pressed his lips to her again. Getting red again, Weiss broke the kiss. “Hey!”

“Huh? What’s wrong?”

“You can’t just do that right now? My...I just had to sw...you know, you.” She said flustered. “Aren’t you grossed out by that?”

Jaune thought about it for a second before shrugging. “Eh, it’s not like you just had it still sitting on your tongue. Besides I like kissing. Even if it after you swallow me.”

“........” Weiss hid her fired red face by pressing it against him.

“Weiss?”

She dared not say anything. “Idiot, he’s gonna ruin me completely at this rate. Saying things like that, is too much!” Weiss’s heart began fluttering once again.

[japiform]

Helmsman: Wake up somewhere new

Grand: You are doing more paperwork, fuckin kill you with a culling fork. More and more and more and you satisfy yourself by reading one, telling the sleeping psion the joke that is these assholes requesting aid, and write 'Fuck Off' in big spiky letters across the whole thing. That goes in the Done pile. Next paper, type a moment to research what the fuck they're even talking about, because you stopped hiring motherfuckers to know more details than you when they kept fucking dying or leaving. Getting exiled. Whatever.

Your typing hand leaves the husktop to run over the fuzz of the psion's warm fragile skull while you read some more shit, strike out some more shit, and sigh. "Motherfuck, I need a vacation," you mutter, and it's a joke because this is about as close as you GET to a damn vacation, but not a joke funny enough for you to laugh. You look up round the room, all the medicullers absent save the one you successfully disarmed (okay, that one you'll laugh at), and he's dead the fuck asleep. Everything's in white, save the floor which is a multihued stain down to the drain in the center of the room, though it is mostly subtle variations of purple. Not a lot of offcolor fucks that you consider WORTHY of gettin tended to, after all.

This helm don't know how lucky he has it.

Helmsman: Stirring, your hornbeds crackle with power as the sedatives start wearing off. The dull, fullbody pain makes you groan under your breath and squinch your eyes tight, before it fades and you can settle again. 

It occurs to you that you're being touched, but you don't sense any animosity from it, which is strange and new. Along with this feeling of not-bad is the voice you recognize. The one that makes you feel. Not-bad. 

Your blue eye creaks open to survey your surroundings, and you grimace at the white, zapping the troll next to you to get their attention. 

"Hey. Can'ya turn off th'lights? Ssbright." Grumble.

Grand: The crackling of his horns takes a moment to register, the groan less so. You finish writing Fuck Off on this next illustrious waste of tree pulp, running your off hand down his nug til you get to the base of it before you withdraw--Just in time to get zapped. You let out a curse that's actually just a verse of your most holy of texts (elixirs 5:18; pour one out for you, your blood is paint yet to be spilled), and bare your teeth at him, eyes flashing with menace. 

Oh. He's just waking up. 

“Poor motherfucker," you croon, and it's a mocking tone that you speak in. But what the fuck ever, you can stand for a break. You turn off the lamp closest to him, shut your husktop with a finite click, and captchalogue the stack of important papers that you've filled out. ... Oh, and the not done ones too, if for no other reason than state secrets or whatever the fuck.

Helmsman: "Thenks." Your voice is rough from both overuse and underuse, and you clear your throat a few times before swallowing a little bit of blood. Gross.

Blinking your eyes open, you take a better look at the room around you, and then up at the troll looming over you.

"Oh sshit." Oh shit is right, because if you aren't mistaken, that's the fucking Grand Highblood. In the flesh.

"Sso. Are you the personification of the Angel of Death, or am I hallucinating?"

Grand: "You fuckin flatter me," you say, batting your lashes a bit. "Either that, or you're hallucinatin, cuz I ain't been called angelic in a while." Your hands are to yourself, but you know the sound of a fucked up voice when you hear one. You wonder if you'll have to shove a tube in his mouth to get him to take somethin from you, or if he'll take it just to make you stop botherin him.

... But you also take the chance to look him over. Mostly just his face, which has the capacity for expression now, and is therefore finally actually interesting. "So surprised to see me? I told you I'd help."

Helmsman: You look confused, and a bit upset, like you'd had a present ripped away from you. "Then... I'm not dead." Thin eyebrows furrow and you attempt to sit up, which is hard when your arms feel invisible. After a bit of struggle, you flop back down heavily, hissing at the pain. The light in your eyes seems to pulse, like you're trying to focus. "The- the data..?"

Grand: "Not a fuckin clue." This is definitely about to get spicy, and you don't grin. But you want to. You want to rub your 'i told you so' in his moronic fucking face. "You ain't dead. You're limbless and on my ship, after you tried to fire up a single fuckin cannon and immediately fainted. Whether you managed ta finish transmittin your entire self into the space between helms, i ain't got an iota of an idea. But I told you that you didn't have to shoot me, that i would wait for you to get your business done. So I don't know that I feel like that's my problem."

Helmsman: "Limbless." Yeah, that explains why your arms feel invisible. You failed. After everything you did.

After all that pain and hard work just for it to fail. You're silent as you process this, before your eyes grow damp. You can't even wipe the frustrated tears away, so you curl away from the clown so you can cry with a little bit of fucking dignity.

God your life goddamn SUCKS. The sobs hurt as they rip out of you but you can't make them stop, thin frame heaving. He should have let you die. You shouldn't have told him anything. God you're so stupid!

Grand: ... Oh.

You expected this motherfucker to fight. To flare up bright, like you saw he could do in the ship, like you know he could do as a ship. The fight wouldn't do much good, him limbless and you your powerful, merciless self, but you woulda had fun trying to take him out without takin him all the way out.

You look over him, crying, weeping and just barely able to turn away from you, and you feel

something.

Fuck knows what.

"For fucks sake, we doin this shit?" you snap, and you think it should have come out a little harsher, a little louder. Or maybe you should be laughing, perhaps. No motherfucker would be surprised to hear you laugh.

"Like I ain't the most powerful motherfucker this side of the damned universe. Where the shit are your files or what the fuck ever."

Helmsman: Shaking your head, you laugh through the tears, a mirthless, harsh noise. "Where the fuck do you think they are?"

Crying is such a relief, though. Like you finally can expell all the horrid feelings you've been holding close to your chest for so long. You've been ripped from your ship, sanitized, bundled up all careful in a medical cot, what more do you need to hide? What would it possibly change?

"I was always doomed. What difference does it make now."

Grand: You grit your teeth at that unrighteous sound, but what the fuck is it you can do? Where the fuck indeed. You keep your helms and your files separate, at the rate you burn through them, and why the fuck wouldn't you? But you've never thought about the logistics of how the fuck one would store themselves, never thought about how it wouldn't be in ship storage unless it was some place the fish bitch could see.

For a second, from the way you have trouble breathing, and from the way your pump aches, you think you're finally kicking it. It's only a breath, only a beat, but still enough to get your fronds all wound the fuck up in the soft silk of the hospital bed. Still enough to have you reeling.

"Well. Guess you're gonna have to stay lively long enough ta write your fuckin memoirs, ain't ya?" you say, and it's quiet, and not all that funny, and you don't know what the hell is going on. "So, let's see to that."

Helmsman: You half feel vindicated from seeing that conflicted look on GHB's features, but the other half of you feels really bad. The guy went out of his way to save your useless life, used his resources, time, and energy to pluck you specifically from death's door and sit next to you.

Memoirs he says, like that isn't a ridiculous statement to make this late in the game. How are you gonna write them without arms, you wonder. It makes you laugh again, and this time it feels better to laugh. Once the giggles have settled down, you look at the troll next to you, really look at him, yellow streaks run down your cheeks and staining the white pillow under you.

"You've been here the whole time, right?"

Grand: There you all in all your glory, thousands of sweeps old and not quite so young looking as you were when you first caught this motherfucker, wearing what amounts to your casual clothes and the tie you wear when you're feeling like you should get yourself in the head for business. Your hair has grey, your paint has a fine line or two in it, but you're still an unholy terror when you want to be, which is still fucking most of the time. 

Your hands unfist in the covers, and you roll your eyes at him, recline in the chair you stole from your office because fuck if you're gonna use a visitor's chair, you're the fucking king. "Nah, motherfucker, I got shit to do other than tend to your pathetic ass." Your ankles cross and you look up at the ceiling, casual as you fucking please. "But I been here often enough. When I ain't preachin or doin other holy shit. Medicullers just ain't made like they used to be, and some don't know how to ask first instead of puttin their knives where they ain't wanted. Can't have them makin that mistake when I went through all the trouble to nab your scrawny ass, can I?"

Helmsman: "Well. Thanks, I guess. You've got your reasons I don't doubt, but." You avert your eyes, not that he can tell. "It was better than being alone."

Okay you need to sit up Now. Cracking your neck, you test your reach with your psionics, the energy roving over the whole room as you manually adjust the power. Ugh, that feels weird. It takes a negligible amount of thought to arrange yourself a bit more upright against the pillow, and it does wonders making you feel less like you're at the mercy of circumstance. 

"... You haven't changed a bit, huh you shitty old man."

Grand: You roll that thought around your head, feel it shifting shit behind your eyes. It was better than being alone, he said. Ain't that a terrible weakness of his, that dislike of being alone? Feels like the fucking point of a wriggler's afternoon special, soft and sweet and weak as it is. Pathetic, is what it is. 

You watch him out of the corner of your eye, watch him sit himself up with power that you still don't trust not to be pressed into the flesh of you, though the thrill keeps you from locking it away tight with something or another, and you are a little impressed that he even knows how to use those when he's spent so long being sucked dry of em.

"Course I've changed. I think I've gotten taller. Definitely gotten older. I think I've killed a few more thousands of fuckers, though I might be off by a decimal point or some shit. You gotta be more specific, motherfucker, if you want to get a particular answer."

Helmsman; Scoff. "It was rhetorical, fuckhead." The residual psionics definitely is filling the air with static, and now that you've tapped into them it's increasingly hard to tamp down on them. Guess you're going to be fizzing like a carbonated beverage for the next little while. 

"I do have some questions for you though."

Grand: You bark out a laugh, as your head fills with static and your hair puffs up faintly like an angry cat. You're going to have to rub him down with fuckin drier sheets or some shit, just to get some peace and not have your papers stickin to you. 

"What the fuck else have we got to do, bitch? Go on, ask."

Helmsman: You chew on your lower lip as you think of the right way to word it. "Does Survivor know I'm alive?"

Grand: "Yep," you pop the word sharp, rocking back on your heels and two legs of the chair. More throne than chair, really.

Helmsman: Would be a shame if he were to fall backwards and hurt himself... Someone's gotta teach this guy not to lean on the back feet of chairs. He could hurt himself. What a shame. 

The front two legs slam back onto the floor, and you sneer at him. "The last thing I need is for you to suffer some kind of concussion right now."

Grand: You yelp, an unseemly noise, as your chair is forced groundways, making you a six legged shape once more. "My skull is thicker than that, for messiahs motherfuckin sake, ask your damn questions instead of fussin over my old ass, you motherfuckin limbless horror."

Helmsman: “It'd just be inconvenient, is what I'm saying. Like I'd bother fussing over you, nightmare fuel." 

This fucking guy. You shut your eyes, exhaustion hitting you like a truck all of a sudden. "Will I see her anytime soon or am I just gonna be stuck in this glass bottle forever so you can keep prodding me with sticks?"

Grand: Nightmare fuel. You like that, and it makes you chuckle different, a low bass rumble in your chest. 

"You'll see her when she comes up with a plan that her and blue think will keep me from wreckin their shit, and as soon as you can get jostled without openin up every scab you got from nose to nook, which believe me, are plentiful.. And maybe a little longer than that, dependin on your amusement ta annoyance ratios. Don't go tryinna manipulate em to your wantin, cuz I ain't gonna tell you which keeps you here longer."

Helmsman: "I'm going to be honest with you: I'm a doer not a schemer. I'd pinky promise you, but, well..." 

Shrug. 

"As long as I get to see her again." You forgot what it was like to yearn for someone, but right now it's all you can take to be away from Bastet. You were being honest earlier when you admitted you don't know how to be alone anymore.

Grand: You hear that, and you tip back in your chair again, arms crossed behind your head, and you smile. Fuck yes. "Ain't that sweet," you chirr, and it could be nice if it was anyone other than you. But you are, as he said, nightmare fuel, and you ain't particularly inclined to be anything else. 

"Give it a week or two. A perigee, tops. You'll get where you wanna be. Think you can wait that long, motherfucker?"

Helmsman: "Only been waiting the majority of my life." Sinking back into the thin blanket. "If you're going to stick around, do it goddamn quietly, for fucks' sake." 

You're starting to feel lightheaded, and want to sleep now.

Grand: A snort. "And here I thought you liked my company. You'll tolerate it or you won't, and it ain't my problem either way." 

Still, when he nestles himself down, you draw the blanket up past his damaged shoulders so he don't catch chill and kill himself on something nothin much at all. And you go ahead and take off your business garb (the polkadot tie you wear when you're deep in the shit creek that is your backed up paperwork), twirling it around your finger before you captchalogue it. "Just fuckin sleep, you're gonna need it."

Helmsman: “Don't need your permission." You bite back, already fading off into dreamland. Geez, being a sassy sourpuss takes a lot of energy.

Grand: He falls asleep to the low rumble of your laugh at his expense, amusement in the face of his fucking spite. Once he's out, you realize you forgot to make him drink, and decide you'll get on with it when he's a little more conscious. No point forcing him if he's not around to make you work for it, is there? 

You don't turn on the light for a good hour or so. You just sit back in your throne, the back legs of it worn away from just such play, and you think. And you speak a few more times, half thoughts that you don't bother to explain cuz he ain't around to ask. But mostly, you just think.

[kaesaaurelia]

something more serious

For @whumptober2020 day 23: "What’s a Whumpee Gotta Do to Get Some Sleep Around Here” (specifically "exhaustion”).

Continues on from day one, wherein Ligur and Crowley were captured by Michael, and a very nervous Aziraphale was sent off to interrogate Crowley, day three, wherein Michael interrogated Ligur in a somewhat unconventional manner, day seven, wherein Aziraphale healed some of Crowley’s wounds and interrogated Crowley in a similarly unconventional manner, day seventeen, wherein Crowley and Ligur got sent back to Hell, and Ligur captured and framed Crowley for giving Heaven information, and day twenty, wherein Crowley got back to Earth and found Aziraphale, who insisted on healing him.

(Also, this is the last bit of this fic!  So I’ll be posting the whole thing to AO3 pretty soon.)

Aziraphale/Crowley.  Explicit sex.

Aziraphale began to undress Crowley again, but this time, Crowley helped him. His healing still stung, but his hands were so gentle and the little tsks he made every time he found a new scab or scrape or bruise on Crowley's skin made Crowley feel, well... good, and not just in a physical sense. Crowley had been looking forward to another handjob, maybe, or something else fun, but he hadn't really been expecting to feel...

To feel cared for. To feel... loved.

It was a little overwhelming, if Crowley was honest with himself. He watched Aziraphale's face as he healed a finger one of Ligur's guests had broken, and then transferred his attention to the lacerations all down Crowley's chest from where another guest had brought a knife out of the kitchens. The cook had come out shortly after, disemboweled the guest, pulled her knife out of Crowley's gut, and carelessly healed the worst of it before stomping back to her work, but Crowley preferred Aziraphale's brand of healing, for all that it stung very badly. And something hit Crowley, then. Because... he wanted Aziraphale, of course; Aziraphale was attractive, and interesting, and clever, and surprisingly willing to give very dangerous handjobs. And he liked Aziraphale -- he wouldn't have tried working with him otherwise, it was difficult enough working with an enemy without disliking him...

But he hadn't quite put those things together into the thought that he cared about Aziraphale, the thought that he didn't want to see Aziraphale's frown at his Hellish wounds, but also the thought that seeing the evidence of Aziraphale's own care for him made him feel... hopeful? Made him want more? "Aziraphale?" he said, his voice rough.

Aziraphale looked startled. "Yes?"

Fuck, he was so tired. That was probably why he was thinking all these weird things. "Never mind, it's nothing," said Crowley, quickly.

"You're flushed," said Aziraphale. "Are you -- you don't get sick, do you?" He looked so worried.

"No, no, I'm..." Crowley cast about for a way to ease Aziraphale's worries without admitting to anything stupid, and then he thought, fuck it, and sat up a bit so that he could kiss Aziraphale.

Aziraphale's lips were soft and warm, and he made a lovely, startled gasp just before he leaned into the kiss. Then, all too soon, he pulled away. "Crowley, we shouldn't," he said, his eyes wild and fearful.

"'Course we shouldn't," said Crowley, "but where's the fun in that?"

"It's not just fun, Crowley, we could be -- we could be caught," said Aziraphale.

"That certainly didn't stop you when you were interrogating me," Crowley pointed out. "And now we're not even in Heaven. You did say you could make me scream," he added.

"That -- that didn't mean anything," said Aziraphale, going red. "I just -- it was -- it would have been... awkward to bring you back to Michael, looking like that," he said quickly.

"I'm just saying, it doesn't have to mean anything now, either," said Crowley, who was a bit grateful for the option to not think about all this caring about Aziraphale stuff -- or he was, until he saw the look on Aziraphale's face, a terrible, heartbreaking mixture of guilt and relief and fear and love.

"No. No, I -- I suppose it doesn't," said Aziraphale, and he paused for one panicky moment, just long enough for Crowley to understand that the problem was that it meant entirely too much, before Aziraphale leaned forward and kissed Crowley.

They kissed frantically, as if perhaps they would never see each other again, as if this moment was all they would ever have and they had better make it last. Eventually, several eternities in, Crowley pulled Aziraphale into his lap and gasped; he hadn't realized how fucking hard he was until he felt Aziraphale's erection nudge up against his. Aziraphale moaned a little into his mouth and his hips rocked forward slightly before, agonizingly, he stopped himself.

He was probably having thoughts about how much they shouldn't be doing this again, and Crowley wasn't going to stand for that. "Fuck, angel," he said, "back in Heaven you never even used your sword on me. I should've held out longer."

Aziraphale laughed, startled, and then gasped as Crowley pressed against his dick with the palm of his hand. "I can't say it hadn't occurred to me," he said. "I -- Crowley..." His eyes darted up and down Crowley's body. "Could I -- would it be --"

"What are you waiting for, an invitation?" Crowley asked.

Aziraphale kissed him again, quickly, then stood and undressed with clumsy haste while Crowley dealt with his own remaining clothes. It didn't take Crowley long, and he ended up watching Aziraphale, who, perhaps out of some strange shyness, had put his back to Crowley. That was fine with Crowley; Aziraphale, it turned out, had quite a nice arse, and lovely thighs, the sight of which Crowley was going to remember for later.

"Oh!" said Aziraphale, noticing Crowley staring at him. "I'm -- sorry, I'm not very --"

"You're beautiful, now come here and fuck me," said Crowley, spreading his legs invitingly.

"That mattress looks awful," said Aziraphale, frowning down at it. Crowley couldn't believe he was about to be cockblocked by a mattress, but Aziraphale snapped his fingers and it suddenly became very soft, with pillows, and curtains. "Much better," he said, and joined Crowley on the bed.

"Really?" Crowley asked, amused.

"It's a Good Deed," Aziraphale said. "Sleep is -- is really very important for humans' health, and they were so kind to let us use this cottage, and..." He trailed off, looking at Crowley, and made a wordless noise.

"Yes?" Crowley asked.

"Not -- not important," said Aziraphale.  His eyes traveled over Crowley's body again, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing.  Crowley smirked as his gaze lingered on his cock.

He settled himself between Crowley's legs, and slid two slick fingers into Crowley's arse. Crowley moaned as his fingers passed over a particularly sensitive spot. "I can still make you scream, you know," he added, with a surprisingly wicked smirk, and slid his thick cock into Crowley a moment later.

"Angel," whimpered Crowley, who had not been prepared for just how good this would feel. And then Aziraphale pressed further into him, and -- "Fuck, sso good," he gasped. Aziraphale thrust into him, breathing hard, but his rhythm was maddeningly slow, and he seemed to be holding back, for some reason. "Aziraphale, pleasse, fuck me nice and hard, don't jusst --"

"Don't want to -- to hurt you more," said Aziraphale. "You were so hurt, and -- nhh," he said, as Crowley jerked his hips upward forcefully.

"Fuck's ssake, do you want to make me sscream or --" Crowley cut himself off with a gasp as Aziraphale apparently decided his suggestion had merit. "Aziraphale, Aziraphale, oh G-- ngh, fuck, you feel so good," he managed, and then cried out as Aziraphale angled his hips a little and soon everything was a pleasurable blur of Aziraphale's dick inside him, Aziraphale's hands on his hips, and Aziraphale's lips and teeth at his neck. He came messily, rutting up against Aziraphale's stomach, and in a few moments Aziraphale finished inside him.

"Angel," said Crowley, running a hand through Aziraphale's hair, and they shared a slow, gentle kiss. "Fuck. That was. Mngh," he added, as Aziraphale rolled off of him. "This bed is ridiculous, though," he said, staring up at the curtains. Not only were they velvet, the velvet was a shade of deep blue that human dyers would probably resort to murder to achieve.

"I thought if we were going to do this we might as well be comfortable," said Aziraphale, who was pleasantly warm next to him, with his head on one of the pillows.

"Mmm. Well. Between you and Ligur, I'm fucking exhausted. Might sleep for a bit." Beside him, Aziraphale had gone tense. "What's wrong?"

"Ligur," said Aziraphale. "He didn't... did he?" It took Crowley a moment to realize what he was getting at.

"No, fuck no," said Crowley, laughing. "No. Just stuck me in a cage, nothing worsse." That didn't seem to comfort Aziraphale, so Crowley kissed him again. "Thankss for... everything," he said, drowsily, and settled into the most comfortable nap he'd had in centuries.

--

When Crowley awoke, it was dark. He was clean and fully dressed, minus his shoes and armor. Aziraphale wasn't next to him, but he was still in the stupid miraculous bed he'd conjured, so Crowley knew Aziraphale was still around, and the people whose cottage this was hadn't sold the bed, mattress, and curtains for a small fortune. He sat up, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, found his shoes, and went outside to find Aziraphale.

Aziraphale wasn't difficult to find, fortunately; he was standing just outside, watching the sky like something interesting might happen in it.

"Ah. You're awake," said Aziraphale. He flashed Crowley an uncertain sort of smile.

"I am. How long did I sleep?" he asked.

"A week and a half, about," said Aziraphale. "I was... I was a bit worried."

"Nah, 's normal enough after the week I'd had," said Crowley. "What were you looking at?" he asked. "Not getting into astrology, are you, angel? You know that's nonsense."

"I do," said Aziraphale, "but the humans were telling me there'd been a star up there had predicted King Harold's death." He nodded at the sky.  "I think it's gone now.  Sounds more like a comet."

"Yeah, no, I remember that one," said Crowley.  "Came by earlier this year.  Got nothing to do with..." Crowley paused. "You know, I might've made that one? Sort of lost track of the comets, it's easy to lose track of comets."

"It is?" Aziraphale asked. "I thought they were fairly regular."

"No, I mean, when you're making them," said Crowley. "We were only supposed to make one or two, but..." He made a noise intended to represent the infinite uncertainties of the universe.  "Got into a... a sort of snowball fight, actually.  And I really wanted to win," he admitted."

Aziraphale laughed.  Crowley had been having doubts about his feelings for Aziraphale, and had tried to talk himself out of them a bit while he was looking for his shoes -- what sort of angel didn't put your shoes in a findable place?  How could he be in love with someone like that?  But when Aziraphale laughed, Crowley felt a sort of pang in his chest, and he knew, with terrible certainty, that this was something more serious than a little crush on a work nemesis.

"Did you?" Aziraphale asked.

"Did I what?" Crowley asked.

"Did you win?  The snowball fight," Aziraphale reminded him.

"Oh!"  Crowley frowned.  "Don't really remember, we all got caught and yelled at before there could really be a winner.  But they kept the comets around."

"Well.  I'm glad you had fun, then," said Aziraphale.  His smile fell.  "I do feel a bit bad for Harold, though," he said, looking back up at the sky.

"He probably deserved it," said Crowley.  "Kings, you know.  Usually pretty awful people.  We get a lot of 'em."  He watched Aziraphale watching the sky for a long moment, and then said, "Aziraphale?"

Aziraphale looked at him again, saw his serious expression, and looked away again.  "We shouldn't, Crowley, we're going to get into terrible trouble and if they can put you in a cage just for -- for just, some nonsense Ligur was talking, I shudder to think --"

"Aziraphale, come on, look at me," said Crowley, taking Aziraphale's hands in his own.  Reluctantly, Aziraphale looked at him.  "Listen.  I know it doesn't have to mean anything."  Aziraphale's face did something complicated and upsetting, and Crowley resisted the urge to just tell him, I think I love you? to make him feel better, because he knew it would probably make him feel worse.  "It doesn't have to mean anything," he repeated, "but.  If... if you change your mind, it can."

Aziraphale's eyes went wide, and without warning, he seized the front of Crowley's tunic, and pulled him in for a kiss.  He released Crowley and pulled away, all too soon.  "Be careful out there, Crowley," he said gently.

Crowley grinned.  "Oh, I'll be fine, always have been," he said.  "I'd better get back to work, though; got a quota to meet, and I've been away for two and a half weeks."  Aziraphale tried to look disapproving, but he smiled back.  "See you around, angel!"  Crowley turned and walked away, but he could swear he felt Aziraphale beaming at him as he made his way back into the world, in search of some new havoc to wreak.

[cloudysonder]

Bad Demon (Ineffable Husbands)

Summary: Crowley, in a fit of drunkenness, confesses his feelings for Aziraphale. It doesn’t go down very well. In fact, it goes about as badly as it could’ve gone, and before Aziraphale could even try to process his (already given) response, Crowley is gone; vanished into thin air. So, in a very Aziraphale-like manner, Aziraphale does nothing for a while. And then he panics.

Crowley, purely by definition, was a very bad demon.

Despite how he acted, it was what he truly believed. (As he should, for it was a fact.)

He didn’t ooze the seven deadly sins as he was supposed to, at all times. He wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of death, nor the concept of unjustified violence or horrible misfortune. In fact, he thought these were very stupid concepts; people should get what they bring upon themselves, he thought. There was no need for something to happen to them for no apparent reason.

Well, at least his “evil” habit of questioning authority never changed. (Which made sense, he supposed, to this fucked-up system, which was only Almighty in the way that it was almightily confusing, as the same system threw him down into a vat of sulfur for said habit.)

He spent his angel days making the stars and the sky, falling in love with every one of his creations. He believed in Her with all of his heart, yes, but he asked questions, thinking he also wanted to understand Her with all of his mind.

But that was bad, he was told, and off he went, spiraling into a vat of sulfur, white wings burning until they were black. 

He was a bad angel; years and years of not being one had taught him to accept that. Being a bad angel should’ve meant that he would be a good demon.

They were two sides of one coin, and somehow, Crowley had managed to land on the edge.

Crowley, purely by definition, was a very bad demon.

Except around Aziraphale.

Dishonesty was one of the most sought-after traits in a demon. Lying was fun for Crowley, a good 87.83% of the time, but it was mostly for temptations and “curses” that could usually be considered mild inconveniences at best. Lies that truly hurt somebody, now those were things he didn’t like messing with.

Words were the sharpest sword sometimes, and again, he wasn’t really a fan of stabbing, or slicing, or even just very politely and gently mauling. In front of Aziraphale however, he told lies that slashed like a jagged rusty knife into dry skin and stung like salt and cayenne rubbed into wounds. 

*

“I’m an angel, and you’re a demon, Crawl-- Crowley. We’re not even supposed to be seeing each other, much less, you know, fraternizing.” Aziraphale had whispered the last word, as if genuinely ashamed. “The Arrangement. That’s it, alright? I can’t do anything more.”

“I’m fine with that,” Crowley replied, and the lie dug itself deep into his heart. “Like I’d want to spend time around a holy angel, anyway.”

*

Around Aziraphale, Crowley also tended to indulge in a trick he had learned from the humans: lying to himself. 

Or, more accurately, pretending.

Sometimes, when Aziraphale called him “dear” or “my dear”, he liked to imagine a world where he actually meant it. He liked seeing the people who worked at the Ritz look at them with fondness, liked hearing them whisper about how they were such a good couple, and for a few beautiful moments, he would live in a world where it was true. For a few moments, he pretended that they lived in a simple world, where Zira wasn’t an angel and he wasn’t a demon, and they were a couple.

(It most certainly wasn’t hard, since, by most Earthly standards, they already acted like a married couple.)

He had once told the angel that the two of them weren’t on Heaven’s side or Hell’s side, but their side.

Zira responded that there was no their side and tacked on an “I don’t even like you!” for good measure. Unbeknownst to Aziraphale, this small exchange of words had completely decimated Crowley’s sleeping habits (from once a day to a few times a year), as Crowley would often nightmare, and even when he dreamed, again, of a hypothetical world where they were together, the words would echo through his head.

It wasn’t very pleasant.

But sitting with his angel at the Ritz, lying to himself (even for a few glorious minutes) was very pleasant. Probably the most angelic a demon could feel.

Well, that is, before the server brought a small pride flag with their wine, offering them a meek smile and a gentle compliment.

“Hello, sirs.” They placed the wine and wine glasses on the table. “Thank you for being such loyal regulars. I think it’s adorable how you two come for a date here every week. Happy pride month!”

The server stuck the flag in the vase of flowers that stood between the two.

Crowley reveled in the moment (no, his cheeks were not red, and no, he was not avoiding eye contact with Aziraphale; he was just really interested in the label on the wine bottle is all).

“Oh.” Crowley heard a small sound from the angel across from him. “Oh. Oh, no, no, no, we’re not, uh we’re not together--”

Crowley froze, rudely being pulled out of his “lying to himself” act, and immediately poured himself a full glass of wine.

“Oh?” The server had a poorly hidden look of “no way” on their face but politely smiled anyway.

Crowley downed the wine like a shot, his eyes focused on both nothing and everything except Aziraphale.

“We’ll keep the flag, though. It’s very nice.” Aziraphale added, and if Crowley were paying even the slightest bit of attention to the angel, he would’ve noticed that Aziraphale’s face was flushed and his lips were stiff, as he was trying to stop himself from rambling (as he often did when nervous).

Crowley, however, was instead busy doing something very unmistakably human:

Drowning his sorrows in alcohol.

The demon was done with about 3/4 of the wine bottle before the server even left their field of vision.

“You. Yeah, you. Get me another one of these-- yeah, a white’s good. Have any bigger wine glasses?”

The server glanced at the angel and then him, and nodded sympathetically.

“Right away, sir.”

“What is wrong with you today, dear?” Aziraphale’s eyes crumpled at the edges in genuine worry. It made Crowley taste a cocktail of guilt and bitterness, knowing that Aziraphale truly did care for him, but not nearly the way Crowley cared for him. “You’re just... breathing in this alcohol, like a, like a... what were they called? You know, those lovely clean sucking things that they made last century...”

Crowley flushed. Just Aziraphale saying the word “sucking” was too much for him. Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

Crowley soon decided that if he was able to think coherently, then he hadn’t drunk enough alcohol. He filled another glass just as Aziraphale gasped and exclaimed,

“Vacuums!” Zira took a moment to appreciate his own genius, involuntarily puffing out his chest. “A vacuum! That’s what it is! You’re acting an awful lot like a vacuum, dear. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Crowley replied, more out of habit than actual thought. Hm. His vision was fine, and his words weren’t slurred yet, and more importantly, he could still think. Crowley didn’t appreciate that one bit.

He snapped his fingers, and a small demonic miracle danced around his wine, turning it to something considerably less wine-like, but almost infinitely more likely to turn Crowley into a happier, drunker demon.

In other words, vodka. (Particularly a more demonic sort, with 730.67% alcohol.)

He downed the glass, and promptly fell over, knocked out.

“Crowley?”

He barely registered his angel calling him, voice brimming with concern.

Crowley came to after being hit with the familiar scent of old books and cocoa, and, upon further investigation, realized it was because he was draped over Aziraphale’s shoulder as the angel struggled to drag him home.

Crowley breathed in Aziraphale’s scent before (slightly) uprighting himself. His arm was still wrapped around Aziraphale’s shoulders, but he was partially walking on his own now.

He heard Zira sigh in relief next to him.

“What happened, my dear?”

God, his eyes were so blue.

“You don’t normally... drink like this.”

Sober Crowley would’ve made an excuse well-suited to his personality; something along the lines of “I felt like it” or “it’s national ‘Get Shit-Faced’ day, angel”.

Drunk Crowley, however, couldn’t even process the question.

“Sssssatan, your eyesss are sso blue.” Crowley flicked his tongue out (it had miraculously shifted back to its natural serpentine form sometime between when he drank his not-wine to when he was draped on his angel’s back) to take in more of Aziraphale’s scent. “....’eally niccce.”

Aziraphale chuckled (adorably).

“What was that, Crowley?”

“Really niccce.”

“What is?”

Crowley made eye contact with Aziraphale, and the demon’s yellow snake-slit eyes crinkled at the edges in fondness.

“...Ineffable.” Crowley hiccupped out, tapping on his chest. “Can’t... understand... why.”

“Huh.” Aziraphale didn’t understand at all what Crowley had said, but felt that it was important for whatever reason, shelving it with his old books in his memory library.

“Sssshakessspeare wasss a dick,” Crowley eloquently added, and the conversation moved on, not giving the angel a single second to process whatever Crowley had just said.

It was when they stepped into the bookshop that Crowley’s despair over the 14th century had miraculously lifted, and the demon’s demeanor shifted to one of relief.

“I’m home!” Crowley laughed between hiccups. He had always imagined saying that when he walked into Zira’s bookshop, and the lack of filter between his mouth and head had long since been removed by alcohol.

“Home? We’re at the bookshop, dear.” Aziraphale absentmindedly replied. Crowley had left his side and was beelining towards his usual spot on the sofa: the whole sofa.

“Yeah.” Crowley was sprawled across the couch, tongue flicking out occasionally to gather as much of the bookshop’s smell as he could. “Home issss where you are, angel.”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale, his head slightly tilted as his serpentine pupils dilated on a yellow background; a tick he had picked up from the humans. His eyes were half-lidded, decidedly not from the drunkenness that resulted from alcohol but the often even stupider drunkenness that resulted from being smitten.

Crowley had looked at Aziraphale many times this way. Just, never when Aziraphale looked back. Drunk Crowley didn’t seem to give very much of a shit for Sober Crowley’s embarrassment.

“I love you.”

Crowley stared straight into Aziraphale’s too-blue eyes.

“So much, angel.” Crowley tacked on. “Since the Beginning. So, ssso much, Aziraphale.”

He watched as a series of emotions flew across Zira’s face. (If it was to be said, it might’ve been that trait of Aziraphale’s that caused Crowley to trust him so easily in the first place. After all, how could an angel who let everything show on his face betray him?)

First, Aziraphale looked touched. Then, embarrassed. Embarrassment morphed to shame as if he had realized something very important.

“No.”

Aziraphale refused to meet the demon’s eyes. Crowley started to sober almost immediately, albeit unconsciously. It was as if someone had poked a small hole in a water balloon and now the alcohol was draining out of him, like water from a leaky faucet.

Drip.

Drip.

“What?” A million shades of hurt flashed through Crowley.

“It’s wrong, dea-- Crowley! You’re a demon, you know, a creature from Hell that’s supposed to be terrorizing all of humanity, and I’m an angel, the exact opposite.”

I was once too, Crowley wanted to say.

“I’m meant to love everything equally, and you’re not meant to love at all; there’s no possible way whatever this is could, could, could be.”

Aziraphale was rambling. Everything out of his mouth meant little to nothing to him, but every word stabbed Crowley in a different weak point he didn’t know he had.

“Romance is, it isn’t, it’s not--” He was stuttering now. “It’s not us.”

Crowley somehow got his mouth to work again, but all he could manage was a broken,

“What are we, then?”

I don’t know.

“Nothing.”

Crowley shattered.

The room had gone silent.

Where is my home, then?

Nowhere.

Nothing, nowhere, nobody.

That’s what Crowley had always been. Not an angel. Not a demon. Belonging nowhere. He had thought and dreamed and hoped of a love that would make him something, but in the end, he stayed the same.

“You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

If only he could stop. He wished he could, he really did, wished he could slow down, wished he could relax enough to find something.

If only he could just disappear.

When Aziraphale blinked, Crowley had vanished, leaving behind nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crowley was currently in a Place.

A Place, because he had no idea where he was.

Not on Earth, because Earth was a place he could get drunk and forget. Now, every drop of alcohol that entered his bloodstream exited twice as quickly, after any, any thought involving Aziraphale passed through. Which was always, since he was the reason Crowley was drinking in the first place. He couldn’t be on Earth, because Aziraphale would always be with him on Earth.

A Place.

Not on Hell, because he had been to Hell, many, many times, and this was so much worse.

A Place.

Heaven?

Well, if he could go to heaven, this whole blessed thing wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

It was because he was a demon, wasn’t it? 

It was, Crowley told himself. But he could have been better. 

He buried his face in his arms, folded on top of himself in the couch he never sat on in his apartment. 

If Crowley was better, maybe he could’ve convinced Aziraphale to stay. Maybe Aziraphale could’ve chosen him over the world, chosen their side. 

Crowley did ask. Once.

The world or him and Alpha Centauri, and Aziraphale, his lovely selfless good angel, had chosen the world without even blinking. 

Even if it meant throwing him away.

“I really should’ve seen this coming.” Crowley chuckled, miserable, and the sound bounced off the walls. “What was I expecting?”

In front of him, a few of his plants had the nerve to droop, and Crowley couldn’t muster anything in him to threaten them. He felt very much like drooping himself. Crowley gently held the leaf of the houseplant that drooped, feeling it tremble for a second under his touch.

He knew it was a coping mechanism. But it helped. It helped him deal with things, accept things enough to...

To do what?

Heeding orders was never a desire of his.

Everything he did was for Aziraphale. To see his face, to smell his coat, to tease him, to love him, Crowley lived. 

He breathed into the terrified leaf of the dracaena. 

He was to the plant as Hell was to him. 

Hell had power over him, was what he had thought. He feared Hell for what they could do to him.

But now?

The fear had vanished.

The worst had happened. He lived for Aziraphale, not Hell, he realized, and fear of the past only existed in the minds of fools.

He mumbled a quiet “’m sorry” into the leaf of his dracaena, and it stopped trembling in his hands. Crowley had only ever cried once before, unsurprisingly over the same angel, over the same problem: leaving him.

He was sobbing now; he clenched the leaf of his houseplant in his hands and cried, knowing that Aziraphale would never mourn like this over him.

Crowley might’ve imagined it, but he swore that he felt another leaf of the dracaena patting his back, comforting him.

****Something that passed through the mind of Crowley around his 30th attempt to drink****

Aziraphale had once told him something along the lines of “one could only be truly good if one had the capacity to be truly evil”, and Crowley could do neither.

*

When he felt shitty, Crowley would’ve normally crashed Aziraphale’s bookshop, lounging on the angel’s couch in the backroom while listening to him rambling about Dante or Dickens, but that wasn’t very much an option now.

Crowley was nothing to the angel, after all, even though friends still wouldn’t have been enough for Crowley.

*

Aziraphale had screwed up. Badly. 

He sat where Crowley had been just a few minutes ago, looking at Aziraphale as if the stars were in his eyes. 

Crowley, a demon: Snake eyes unhidden, snake tongue flicking out once in a while, languishing on his couch.

He had felt so much pride in having Crowley be comfortable around him. Felt fondness for the demon that would barge in and collapse on his couch without warning, who listened to his rambles about books and music for hours without complaint.

He kept seeing Crowley’s hurt expression when he had said that he was just a demon.

That much was true, yes. But not just a demon. Crowley was anything but just. He was beyond that, and Aziraphale had always known that.

He was sure that when Crowley was an angel that hadn’t changed. It was for being more than just an angel that he probably got thrown off the side. 

This was Crowley: a demon that had drove him more places than he could count, the demon that told him that “Another One Bites The Dust” was by Tchaikovsky, the demon that had walked into a church for him, the demon that had saved books from a burning church for him, the demon that loved him.

“What are we, then?” 

His voice was shaking, broken.

“Nothing.”

 Aziraphale saw Crowley’s heart drop. 

Crowley was gone now; probably never coming back. His only ally in the world, the only constant that had stayed, and protected him, and cared. 

“Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?”

He had nudged Aziraphale goodnaturedly and smiled.

Aziraphale put his head in his hands. 

Softly, silently, he cursed.

*

Meanwhile, Heaven and Hell, as both of which had learned their lesson from the last time they left Aziraphale and Crowley completely unmonitored, watched them for about three weeks.

Well, “watched” wasn’t quite the right word. They didn’t “see” very much of anything. Or hear, for that matter. 

(Which was a relief, as Crowley very well would’ve rather stepped into a vat of holy water than have Hastur know that he’d confessed his love for an angel while drunk.)

Hell felt a small bit of Aziraphale’s grace lift up from Crowley’s clothes and furniture.

Heaven felt a tad of Crowley’s demonic presence lift up from Aziraphale’s bookshop (Crowley had intentionally left a bit so no one would walk into the bookshop to buy books for a very long time) and coat(s).

As such, Heaven and Hell were optimistic that both had returned to their proper roles as a demon, terrorizer of humanity, and an angel, bringer of miracles. Thus, they sent representatives to congratulate them. Not because they were truly proud of them, of course, but rather because of a mix of emotions, most of which were elements of fear and hatred of the other side.

For Crowley, Hastur.

For Aziraphale, Gabriel.

*

Gabriel walked into Aziraphale’s bookshop in an extremely Gabriel-like way, that is to say, with perfect posture, hands folded in front of him, a bright smile painted on his face.

“Aziraphale!” He called.

“Gabriel.” Aziraphale looked up from the book he was trying, but failing to read, for his mind had been a bit preoccupied with a certain demon’s absence.

“I just wanted to say congratulations!” He slapped Aziraphale on the back. 

“For...?” 

“For dissociating yourself from that demon, of course! What was his name... Crawly?” 

“Crowley.” Aziraphale corrected, stern.

“Right! Up There is very happy with you, you know.” Gabriel leaned forward to say the last sentence, as if it was a well-kept secret.

A small part of Aziraphale, one that he now hated, felt a glimmer of pride. 

Said glimmer of pride was stamped out when Gabriel ruffled Zira’s hair and gave him another slap on the back.

The angel felt nauseous. Gabriel’s smile, his mannerisms, the way he looked like he was proud of him... it all felt so fake. 

Gabriel bounced on his feet, refusing to sit down, as if he was ready to leave any second.

Aziraphale thought of a certain demon, who would drape himself over his couch immediately, settling in as if it were his second home.

Gabriel called him terrific, and Aziraphale couldn’t help but think that he would much rather be told “not bad, angel” with a poorly concealed smile.

The glimmer of pride, if it had ever been there at all, quickly turned into guilt.

He had traded Crowley for this?

*

Hastur sauntered into the bar with a slight limp. 

Surprisingly, the bar wasn’t crowded at all, almost as if someone had put a sort of demonic miracle on it. Hastur grumbled approvingly, spotting Crowley as the lone figure at the counter, sipping whiskey directly from the bottle.

(He still couldn’t actually get drunk, of course, but drinking felt better than lying on his bed doing nothing.)

Hastur grabbed his shoulder.

“Crowley.” 

Crowley looked at him.

“Hastur.” Crowley sighed. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Finally gotten free of your angel, eh?” Hastur did something that wasn’t smiling nor smirking, but communicated approval anyhow. 

“Not mine,” Crowley mumbled into the bottle.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Crowley took a swig of whiskey. “You could put it that way. And?”

“Hell approves.” Hastur shrugged. “Everyone does. Angels are stupid asses. Hypocrites, the lot of them.”

“Sure,” Crowley replied.

“Yours in particular though,” Hastur added. “Satan, he was idiotic. Bookshop full of books that he doesn’t want to sell. He might as well be one of ours. Stupid name too, something long, Ezra something--”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley grit out.

“Yeah, him. What a preach. Lecturing about evil and good, as if he knows everything. What does he know? He just stuffs his face all day long like a human. No wonder he’s such a lard-ass--”

Crowley decked him, and Hastur flew across the room.

...

Hastur’s back slammed against a brick wall with a dull satisfying thud, and Crowley’s hands hung at his sides, as if they were sagging with the weight of what he had just done.

To put it simply, Crowley had two things on earth: Aziraphale and Hell, which had already put him into a number of quite strange situations, given that they were almost polar opposites of each other. 

After Aziraphale rejected him, Crowley only had Hell, and logically, should’ve been demon-ing with all his might: knocking over kid’s ice cream cones, slightly nudging the letters on someone’s birthday cake so that they would be just asymmetrical, you know, evil stuff. He should’ve been training a band of mariachi maggots to sing for Hastur, Duke of WhateverTheFuckCrowleyDidn’tReallyCare, not striking him in the face.

But Satan was it satisfying.

The pompous Duke of Hell who had the nerve to insult his angel was lying on the ground before him, a large bruise blooming on his cheek. Anger still pumped through Crowley’s veins as he leered down at Hastur, feeling very much like he’d like to punch him again.

Gripping him by his collar, Crowley lifted Hastur in the air and threw him into the wall again. Just for good measure. He took a deep breath.

After being near Aziraphale for so long, he had forgotten just how woefully inadequate other demons’ company was in comparison. 

On the bright side, Crowley thought to himself as he walked towards the exit. After what happened today, he wouldn’t very much have to worry about “other demons’ company” anymore.

A demonic miracle later, Hastur appeared in front of Crowley again, smug smirk on his face and amusement flickering in and out of his eyes.

To fully understand Hastur’s reaction, one had to understand two very important points.

1: When it was implied before that Hell left Crowley for the most part alone  because of a mix of fear and respect from his holy water spectacle, it would be more accurate to say that it was because of a begrudging respect from fear. Hell respected the art of fear very much, and Crowley had instilled it into every demon who watched him bathe in holy water.

Fear, however, only worked when the one who fears thinks the one who is feared has no weaknesses.

2: Hastur wasn’t stupid.

“This is hilarious.” A maggot crawled out of Hastur’s smile. 

“What is?” 

“You fell in love.” Hastur leaned forward to Crowley’s ear. “With an angel.”

If it must be reiterated, Hastur was not quite the idiot Crowley had always played him to be. He may have seemed so, but that was simply because Crowley was a bit more clever than he played himself to be.

More importantly, Hastur had been demon-ing for far longer than Crowley had.

**A Common Misconception (known by Hastur but unknown to Crowley)**

Demons did not indulge in the seven sins; they simply convinced humans to do so. In fact, it was (or should’ve been) impossible for them to do so in the first place, as each sin was rooted in love, and demons could not love.

(Demons could sense the sins just as angels could sense love, and it was Crowley’s bit of wrath that gave him away.)

Crowley stiffened. He fought the (unnecessary) urge to breathe, as panic rose up his throat. Fear was about three hells of a poison, and Crowley was deeply cursing the fact that he didn’t have it in his serpentine fangs.

“You know Picasso?” Hastur looked directly at Crowley.

Crowley didn’t reply.

“One of ours, of course. I got to torture him for a few Hell millennia, and he told me something.” Hastur continued. “He said, ‘Every time I change wives I should burn the last one. That way I'd be rid of them. They wouldn't be around to complicate my existence. You kill the woman and you wipe out the past she represents.’”

“Wait,” Crowley interjected, sounding desperate.

“Now, Aziraphale, was it? Not a woman, but it’s the same either way, really.”  Hastur shrugged. 

“Look, aren’t you being a tad overdramatic? Aziraphale-- he’s, it’s not anything, really, you know. In fact, he told me that myself-- look, I’m sorry for striking you, but we’re mates, aren’t we? Demons of Hell, the lot of us, there’s no need to--”

“Ciao.” Hastur dipped his head a bit, and he was gone.

Shit.

....

Aziraphale got rid of Gabriel by sheer willpower, fake smiles, and a gentle bit of steadily nudging his “brother” to the exit. 

Upon closing the door behind him, the angel savored the sense of relief and tried to ignore the loneliness that swelled beside it.

The empty couch, the crushing silence.

Overwhelming.

However, the small, but already far too long, interaction with Gabriel had led him to a decision. A decision, he realized, in which he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

Aziraphale was, generally, a very reckless person. Sometimes, it could be called bravery. Other times, it could be called stupidity.

He was aware of this, and this awareness led him to ultimately decide that this was too important of an action to rush in with.

He had waited six thousand years. What was a few hours more?

Armed with a pen and a couple hundred flashcards, Aziraphale dived into work.

*A List of Things Aziraphale Realized While Writing Out a Series of Memories and Thoughts*

1.) He was an idiot.

2.) Crowley had confessed to him in his own way many times before (burning church, French Revolution, dinner at the Ritz for no reason), and Aziraphale had never noticed (refer to #1).

3.) He loved Crowley. (Well, he actually came up with that one sometime over the three weeks they’d been apart.)

4.) He really didn’t give a flying fuck (Yes, he had wrote that. Yes, he thought that Crowley would be very proud of him.) about Heaven or Hell, so long as he had the Earth and Crowley.

The moment he had firmly decided on the final point, Aziraphale heard the door slam open.

It was followed by a desperate-sounding, “Angel!”, and Aziraphale immediately turned around, making eye contact with a terrified looking Crowley.

He didn’t even have time to take in the demon’s eye bags and sunken face before Crowley beelined towards him.

Cupping Aziraphale’s face in his hands, Crowley rubbed his thumbs over the angel’s cheekbones, as if trying to convince himself that he was there. 

“Alright?” Crowley asked softly.

“What?” Aziraphale blinked, bewildered.

“Are you alright?” Crowley asked again, firmer. 

“Yes, of course, what are you talking about--” 

Crowley hugged Aziraphale, crushing the angel’s body against his own (not unlike a snake, in fact). Confused, Aziraphale managed a small, 

“Crowley...?” 

 The demon in question stiffened as if remembering something important. He immediately pulled away, shoving his hands in his pockets, and looking very much like he wanted to jump into a lake of holy water.

“Right. Sorry. Um.” He coughed into his sleeve. “Panicked, a bit. Couldn’t do any demonic miracles. Just a prank, probably, then. Just thought about... some stupid... thing--”

Said “stupid thing” may or may not have been the burning of the bookshop followed by the worst hours of his life.

“--so I just came over without thinking. Sorry. I’ll just-- I’ll just go.” He turned to face the door.

“No!” Aziraphale latched onto his hand. “Wait, just wait right there. I’ll be right back.”

Aziraphale hurried to his desk, gathering his index cards, notes, and sticky notes, among all of the other 5,724 things on there. 

It was the warmest he’d felt in a while. He’d missed the demon, so much more desperately than he thought he would have, and a single word, a single action from him was all it took to make the world feel alright again.

He’d missed being called “angel”. 

Aziraphale flustered at the realization and stumbled, index cards managing to spread across the floor in a matter of seconds.

“What’s all this?” Crowley gestured to Aziraphale’s paper model of the Pacific Ocean on the ground. 

“Oh, just give me a second, I’ll have it all sorted out in a minute.” Aziraphale was bent down on the ground, gathering all the cards into a small horde. “Gosh, where’s the last one?”

“Just use a miracle, angel,” Crowley said, exasperated. 

For a second, things were normal again.

Crowley bent down to pick an index card up.

He glanced at it and flushed an alarming shade of red. Pushing his sunglasses up, Crowley covered his face with his right hand, the other holding the index card between his middle and pointer finger.

“Ah,” Crowley heard Aziraphale from the ground. “You, you picked up the last one.”

“...is it true?” Crowley murmured quietly, as if he was scared of the answer. 

Aziraphale stood up, dragged Crowley up by the arm, and removed his hand from his face. 

He stared directly into Crowley’s eyes and smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks.

“I reckon it’s the truest thing I’ve ever written.” 

Crowley smiled back.

“Lunch at the Ritz?”

“I thought you’d never ask, dear.”

And he meant the “dear” this time, Crowley thought blissfully.

*

“A reservation for two, under Anthony J. Crowley.” 

The server beamed at them.

“Flowers?” The server offered.

“As many as possible, please.” Aziraphale replied.

“Sure, angel.” Crowley sighed.

*

“About goddamn time,” Hastur muttered from a table behind them.

“Were you the one who got them together?” A server asked from beside him. He startled, before relaxing.

“Drastic times called for drastic measures.” Hastur shrugged. 

“Please let me give you some wine on the house.”

“Could you say I stole it? For my reputation.” 

The server paused.

“Sure, sire.”

AN:

Thanks for reading! For earlier updates and other such things, my stories are on AO3 under the name CloudySonder!

[writingonjorvik]

The New Gang Pitch

Following my narrative arc pitch, I wanted to outline a pitch for the new central character unit around the MC to go with it, since characters can make or break a story.

The Self-Taught Vessel, Allacia Clair

One of the first characters part of this group I would imagine has a bit of a rivalry with the MC about their powers. While she’s also a Vessel (my name for the Aideen’s champion role from my narrative pitch), she didn’t have anyone like the Keepers to teach her about her powers. She has a strong grasp on the “Avatar State” power/connecting to Aideen, her other powers she can’t really control and doesn’t have a good foundation for using her other core abilities. Her arc with the MC includes them learning to work together, possibly coming to a head at some point when it seems to this character that the MC is having no trouble with learning about the “Aideen State” powers.

She should be reckless, her powers manifesting in bursts, kinda like an unbridled Lightning Circle Alex, to show she never learned basic control over her powers. She’s stubborn and resilient, with a bitter sense of respect for the MC. She should be funny in a dry humor sort of way, but heart of gold trope, all the way. Points for her being in her mid to late 20′s, so a little older than the “about to start college” MC to add to that “how can you do this thing I struggled with” arc. Extra, extra points if she’s a POC, because, you know, cannon POC badasses are great.

The Valley Girl Hacker, Brittany Bellwinter

We need a diva in the party, and there’s nothing I love more than the idea of a full blown, bubble gum popping, gag me with a spoon, Silicon Valley girl for that. None of the “I don’t get people” hacker trope. This girl gets people, but is also Elle Woods smart with computers. “You took down entire network of G.E.D. encrypted asset logs.” “What, like it’s hard?” She takes no shit for being the pretty blonde girl, and she works her ass off to pull off her chic cyberpunk style while she takes down an entire DC facility’s security system from the Stablebucks down the street.

She’s open, honest, and direct. Her self-confidence is through the roof, to the point of initial conflict. Her being a vigilante when she meets the MC is a great arc to have them working together, and also establishing people outside the Keepers having an issue with Dark Core. She’s hungry for knowledge though, and her handiness with gadgets can provide SSO with a lot of tools for having ruins being destroyed in story beats without losing the information. But also a problem as she risks her life to get those pictures.

The Heart, Kadin Fairwind

This is the one character I think whose gender is most important to be kept the same. Kadin needs to be masc-presenting, either as an enby person who uses he/him pronouns, or just simply as a male presenting person. This is first and foremost because of the message Kadin can send. If SSO wants to be a story about gender equality, then it needs to also talk about how men relate to “feminine” topics, in particular, being the heart of the group. The Heart of the 5 man band is exclusively reserved for a female in the party, which is why it’s important to have a character like Kadin, who is masc-presenting, be the heart, to subvert that and show other masc-presenting players that you can be masculine and also be an empathetic person that tries to keep your friends together.

Kadin is a big sweetie, possibly physically, who just has a soft-spot for people. But when I say he’s big, I don’t mean Kadin is this doofy gentle giant or some himbo. No, he’s physically built, like a quarterback built, but he’s also very intelligent. Kadin needs to be outwardly very masculine, with an awareness of his strength and how it impacts people around him. He’s smart and observant and is really good on picking up on people’s emotions. He wants to help people, with a passion for being either a counselor or a nurse (specifically a nurse, not a doctor). Possibly with friends who were assholes when they were in school who bullied people, until Kadin decided he didn’t want to do that and wanted to be better aware of how he hurt people and how to make things better.

As much as I’m an advocate for queer & POC rep, I think the best way to do Kadin is just have him as this straight, white guy. I think him just being a hetero-cis dude and becoming aware of his privilege can be such an impactful message, even if the why isn’t ever explicitly said.

The Magic Enthusiast, Nakai “Xen” Seiko

If Kadin is cis, then Xen is one hundred percent they/them non-binary. But also, if Brittany is the tech wiz, then Xen simply wants to be an actual wizard. And not just wishes magic was real kinda wants to be a wizard, legit knows magic is real and can’t figure it out/can’t use it wants to be a wizard. Xen consumes all things magic, which makes them an amazing outside asset to the MC and Allacia, who both can use magic, but don’t always understand magic. Xen gets magic fundamentally as a study, but not always as a practice, which is why they struggle to actually use it. And while I do think they should learn how to use magic, they should by the kind of character who wants to multi-class wizard over and over so they can get every school of magic, not so they can actually get better. It’s Xen’s craving for understanding magic that will be a great tool in learning more about other planes of reality and how they relate to magic.

Xen’s personality is fundamentally at odds. While they come from a very traditional Japanese immigrant family and have a high respect for their culture, they obviously struggle with who they are and how that fits into what they want to do with their life. This is import in particular to me because so many cultures gender magic, with feminine and masculine sources of magic. Xen as a non-binary magic user, like myself, has to struggle with figuring out where those legends come from and breaking down how to feel about that in their own practice, particularly when Aideen is shown has being a very feminine entity. Much like the points before, I don’t think this has to be explicit, but I do think it can be very clearly coded to say that gendering things is often forced. While there are gendered things in nature, like things surrounding baby-making, most things aren’t and just because something is gendered, like Aideen, it doesn’t designate that all things need to be. I think the best way to balance this message is to have Xen has a very comedic person, always telling jokes, even when the timing isn’t always right. They should have an issue with hyperfixating, and I think having them being someone with ADD/ADHD is a great match for their other struggles, getting consumed in their pursuit of magic to the point of it being a hazard too.

The Gentle Giant, Bogga Norsdóttir

If anyone is going to be the brute of this party, it’s going to be Bogga. Bogga is a “I’m going to deadlift a Shire” kinda girl, but she won’t, cause it’s a horse, and why would she scare a horse like that? She’s honestly the simplest concept I have. She’s a gentle giant, though I don’t think she should be “stupid.” I think she should have a simple code of ethics, a very black and white version of right and wrong. It’s simple, you hurt her friends, she fucks you up. I would love too if she’s part Kalter. But yeah, Bogga is kinda the constant rock of the party, and that’s not just cause she’s a solid unit. She’s just reliable, and for that she’s kinda a sounding board for everyone else’s more complicated arcs. The point is that Bogga will always be there to support the party, and she doesn’t really need to grow. She’s got her life figured out, and so she’s just there to help everyone else figure out theirs.

The Returning Soul Rider

If there’s any of these members I’m ok with dropping, it’s this one. Not just cause I can’t decide which one, but also the whole point of the above group is establishing a friend group that the MC chooses through the story and actively recruits, not an existing friend group like the Soul Riders are. Even with the new intro to the Soul Riders they added, there’s never going to be a point where the MC isn’t a fifth wheel to their group, at least for me and I know for a lot of you, particularly as SSL gets more and more removed. The only reason they could even effectively establish their friend group before was because only two of them were friends when Lisa got to Jorvik, and it was Lisa that brought the four of them together. And honestly, I think staying on their story makes if feel more and more to me like we’re cleaning up their mess and undermines the Soul Riders defeating Garnok in SSL. Which ruins their abilities, and it’s just yet another reason we need to move away from them narratively.

Still, that doesn’t mean I think the Soul Riders need to be cut out entirely, but I think we need to relook at the angle that the MC is relating to the Soul Riders. And that means the Soul Riders relooking at themselves, particularly post Garnok, which is also why I think this arc needs to end.

In any case, I’m tied between Alex and Anne. On the one hand, Alex is a fighter and suddenly having no big bad to fight is a hell of a good arc to pitch. I also think her in contrast to Bogga is a great square off. Alex not being ready to be done fighting is a good arc, because she’s always been a fighter. What is she without something to go after now? I think her being afraid of falling back into her old ways now that she doesn’t have a target to hunt down is such an interesting arc to follow.

Anne is another interesting one, because I think with everyone expecting Anne to be consumed with vengeance before Garnok is defeated and her to come out of that, people would expect that after he’s gone, she would be ready to be done and just go back to being a normal girl. But I think that even if Anne gets over her vengeance, she’s the Soul Rider of the Sun Circle. Her powers are to open portals, she’s destined to travel. Anne isn’t going to want to go back. Whether it’s being a dressage master or traveling between planes of reality, Anne is the portal master of the druids. Worse, she was an imprisoned portal master. She’s shouldn’t want to be still ever again.

I’m honestly up in the air on them, and I’m not opposed to both, but I think it should just be one in the main group and another with a side arc we touch in on when we touch base with the other Soul Riders.

And yeah, that’s the pitch.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 21.08.18 lb

dang. straight to the point.

telling how the chunri slipped from her head right then.

lmao nikhil’s insecurity isn’t gonna be gone thanks to the divorce you dummy. his insecurity is wrt to A. your very large bank balance, and B. the raw sexual chemistry you seem to have with his girl.

idk what utopia shivaay lives in where a divorce in india is gotten SOOOOOOOO easily.

anika trying desperately to taalofy. good move, girl.

FUCK. FOILED. THIS FUCKER IS CARRYING A COPY IN HIS COAT POCKET AT ALL TIMES IT SEEMS. ONE TIGHT SLAP HE NEEDS. ASSHOLE.

lol he’s sooooooooo going to fuck up the papers. consciously or subconsciously idk, but he’s gonna do it for sure.

pehle aap pehle aap mein gaadi chootti jaa rahi hai fucking idiotsssssssss!

fuck he’s signing. HE’S SIGNING. FUCKING HELL BILLU NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

DUDE LOOK AT HER FACE. DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE WANTS YOU TO??????????

iska adh-maraa chehra toh dekho while signing. chaanta lagaaon ya kya karoon iske saath?

where the fuck is om, he needs to bust in here and kick shivaay’s dumb ass from here back to the OU istg.

LMAO AT THE WAY THEY’RE JUST SAYING “SIGN” “WAIT” “MR KUKREJA” IN VARYING ORDERS.

snort pen ke bhi issues.

“chal raha hai” *grabs at it and clicks it a few times* SHIVAAY WHAT EVEN ARE YOU DOINGGGGGGGGGG YOU DUMBASS

abhi tak toh sign sign kar raha tha. jab woh sign kar rahi hai then you have the audacity to be all frozen and devastated? literally fuck outta here, shivaay.

of course.

a poor substitute for her chand bracelet btw.

of course, anika has gyaan to baatofy. bish tum toh kuch bolo hi mat. tangg aa gayi hoon main tumhare chutiyaape se. 

shivaay you’re right and all, but *longest sigh ever* you just can’t do anything right, even when you try your hardest. i’m just so done with you. 

son honestly. 87% of me is very happy at your tadap but the rest of me is just so sad for you. you poor dumb fucker.

also are they dyeing nakuul’s beard these days? it looks... darker in a not-natural way?

ugh you both are justtttttttttt suchhhhhhhhhhhhhh idiotssss.

but the angst! i loveeeeee it. delicious!

where are rikara, honestly??????????? THEY COULD BE USED SO WELL TO FUCK ALL OF THISSSSSSS UP SO SPECTACULARLY. USSI BAHAANE SCREEN PAR BHI DIKH JAAYENGE. WHY AREN’T YOU USING THEM YOU DUMBASS SHOW?!?!!?!?

oh thank god at least gauri’s here.

om’s here too. but that’s not what i want???? i want them togetherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. schemingggggggggggg. all up and close in each other’s facessssssssss as a bahaana of “plan making”.

ah fuck. he’s crying. that soft “ek minute, om.” the wiping his nose like a child. i can actuallllly feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel that tightness in his chest. ah mannnnnnnnnnnn. 

fuck meeeeeeeee, why do i fall for man-pain, every single timeeeeeeee???????

this framing tells me that something is going to get hurled at the camera real soon. phone? that rack? aur kuch hai kya phenkne laayak yahaan?

rack it is.

lol why was om panicking from just hearing the magazines being thrown tho?

fuck. see? this is what i meannnnnnnnnnnnnn when i say this dude’s best acting is non verbal. just never give him lines ever again.

“main theek hoon. tu bataa, kya discuss karna hai?”

lmaooooooooooooo “bitch really???????” om’s face. honestly, he makes suchhhhh a good audience proxy.

sure. aal iz well.

same, gauri. #same.

ooooh khanna gets snack tasting duty. nice. how to get a job like this?

but like, without having to deal with shivaay as a boss. at all.

eeeeeeeeeeee cuteness!

every time gauri maarofies a taana about “aapke bhai” and om agrees, i get 4 days added to my lifespan.

....... and who the fuck is bhaiyya to “strictly” decide the wedding theme?????? neither the bride nor the groom, so how does his opinion even matter?

lol anika has the same point to make. itna sab kuch kar liya hai toh yeh bhi khud hi decide kar le bc.

UGH THESE TWO ADORABLE MOTHERFUCKERS. I WANNA SMOOSH THEM TOGETHER TO FORM A S’MORE FILLED WITH BEAUTY AND LOVE. 

is khulle saand ko laal ka phobia hai? really?

the way gauri keeps looking towards ommmmmmmmm every single time, to bond over the inside joke, i can’t you guys! i just can’t! can you two just go make out in some corner somewhere??!?!!? why are you wasting your timeeeee hereee with these losers????????//

cyoot patoot. too adorbz.

ANIKA HE LOOKS NICE IN HIS NEUTRALS OK. PLS. APNE TAANO SE DON’T MAKE HIM CHANGE INTO OU ADVENTUROUS SSO. MAIN JHEL NAHI PAAUNGI!

lolwhut did om just say “oh my my!”?????????????????

pffffffffffffffffffft om you adorable creep. use these sexy hands of yours on that cute girl there, not on your damn brother. 

baby sisters the cutest.

gauri out here kholofying all of di’s secrets. maine toh pehle hi kaha tha, yeh ghar ka bhedi hi lankaa dhaa degi.

also pool ka mention and paani ka darrrr means we all know what’s gonna happen!

om that’s a really dumb “solution”. one of these things is not like the other. the colour red cannot actually kill your brother. lord.

ohohoho unintentional emo moment in middle of hasi mazaak.

this is the dumbest fucking “challenge” ever to get them both in the damn pool. like... just have her fall in man.

lmao he’s sooooooooooooooo mad at being challenged tho.

not listening to this ainvayi ka chutiyaap because:

UGHHHHHHHHHH WHAT EVEN ARE THESE FACES!?!?!

lmao this is the most accurate pictorial representation of the sibling dynamics here rn. 

god, what even are these technicolour kapde. i feel like i’m dropping acid.

lmao she’s sooooooooo bored.

omggggg i love how she noped outta that convo with nikhil to go talk to om instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

be still my aniKara loving heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also #omkaraIsBae

LMAOOOOOOO THE TWO BABY SISTERS’ REACTIONS ARE BEST.

matlab maanna padega is bande ke confidence ko. looking smug wearing... THAT.

you know it’s true love when you’re dressed like that and she looks at you like THIS. #loveisblind

lol ok shivaay, enough with the smizing already. you’re way too short to be ANTM. 

lolololol chachi’s reaction.

talk about upstaging the damn bride. how fucking rude, shivaay.

but i guess the bride explicitly asked for it so......

i cannot get over the range of emotions om went through in the last 30 secs:

lmaooooooooooo and finally his kinda proud mama hen look, like “see? see how hot my bhai is? abhi bhi der nahi hui hai bhaabi!”:

ugh ok enough of this slo mo nonsense already.

oh great. naach gaana. i actually like this song though. imma just forward around a lil bit to see if there’s any good rikara bits, though lorddddddd, kunal’s dancing is just *shudder*

TFW THE WEDDING PLANNER (WHO’S BRIBING YOU TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE) AND YOUR TO-BE WIFE ARE EYE-SEXING EACH OTHER AND NO ONE GIVES ONE (1) SINGLE FUCK ABOUT YOU.

wow even chachi is shipping shivika now. such is the power of colour coordinated couples.

THIS IS SO RANDOM. WHY’S HE DANCING WITH HER WHILE NIKHIL IS STANDING THERE??????????? AND THE LAMEASS CHALLENGE WAALE ISHAARE BS. AND THE FACT THAT THEY MADE RIKARA AND PRINKU THE BG DANCERS??????????? THIS IS ALL JUST SUCHHHHHHHH BAKCHODI OF THE HIGHEST ORDER AND I CAN’T STOP CRINGE LAUGHING.

same, saasumaa. honestly, #same.

but then he’s paying for the whole wedding. so let him dance with her, i guess. lol.

bro this isn’t appropriate in desi society even if you’re the fucking groom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT EVEN ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!!??!?

LMAOOOOOOO CHACHI THO.

literalllllllllllllllly no fucks given. amaaaaaaaaaazing. the balls on these two. i have no words. honestly.

lmaooooooooo poooora gaana hone ke baad, after finishing his grind up on the bride, shivaay pulls nikhil in as an afterthought. just... what a guyyyyy.

THEY STILL WON’T STOP EYE-FUCKING OMG YOU GUYS I JUST CACKLED OUT SO LOUD THAT I STARTLED THE CAT AWAKE. JFC. THESE TWO ARE JUST SOMETHING ELSE.

someone please get kunal some anti seizure meds for the epileptic fit he’s currently having.

(i’m sorry! he’s just SO BAD. WHY DO THEY MAKE HIM DANCEEEEEEEEE???????????)

I LEGIT HAD TO PAUSE THE VIDEO COZ I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. THIS POOR DUMBASS. I DON’T THINK ALL THE MONEY IS WORTH THIS BEIZZATI. 

ohohohoh. time for dream sequence.

i mean i like this song and all, but come on, it’s fucking 10 years old. why not something nice and new? the dhadak title track really fits them rn. ugh.

also the choreography is really some trite bs. honestly, some effort would have been nice.

i’m just here for the aesthetic (uski toh inhone dhaijjiyaan uda di)  good looking ppl making gooey eyes at each other. 

OMFG WE GET BOTH POOL MAKING OUT *AND* THE RETURN OF TIA TOMORROW?!?!?!?!? GOD BLESS US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[centeris2]

Birthday: April 5 (Aries)

I find it interesting that they don’t list anyone’s Celtic-druid tree sign. Since. Druids. Trees. Important. Alex is a Rowan by the way.

Special Skills: Master of the Lightning Circle Hobbies: Fitness, hip-hop

Hey Alex remember how you were really good with machines and engines? Yeah no one cares anymore, not even cars on Jorvik for another mechanic sorry.

Relations: James (brother), Maya (best friend)

mom? other brothers? friends? nahhhhh look a rainbow! does that mean we’re going to be shipping Maya with Alex now?

Even though she’s lived on Jorvik all her life, she had never ridden a horse until two years ago when destiny united her with Tin-Can, and her riding technique is… let’s just say, she’s not winning any equestrian awards anytime soon.

So I guess all that time spent at Jorvik Stables in the prequel games were just her bullshitting around and the first time she got on Tin-Can was to take on Katja in a race. Right. Okay. Retconning from the original games is acceptable, albeit silly to me personally in this case.

After the Soul Riders came together to stop Dark Core two years ago, the four girls went their separate ways. Only Alex stuck around to assist the Keepers of Aideen in protecting Jorvik. She is a true warrior.

So let me get this straight: four girls who become best friends, literally bonded together, fight a war and go through Pink Hell together, who all live in the same little island and go to the same stable and go to the same school (or nearly all do) just... peace out? Stop being friends? Go their own ways? Ignoring that they got facebook and smart phones and the shared bond of fighting a magical war? That’s... I think this was the thing that made me the saddest out of all of this, the original games were about friendship, SSO is about friendship, and they just... drifted apart?

It’s hard to believe that a place as quiet and lazy as Jorvik could be home to danger and dark forces. 

Girl your first day you were told to break laws and chasing down cloaked riders on horses with flaming hooves. Jorvik stopped being a quiet and lazy place within like 30 minutes of getting to Moorland.

I guess we have people like Alex to thank for making Jorvik safe for horses and their riders.

Yeah fuck the other residents and the world and everything else. At least the horses and riders are safe!

Alex had to grow up fast and become like a parent to her little brother James.

So her older brothers were useless? She had like 4 or 5 brothers according to the original games. 

[ase-trollplays]

✵ Shadah for Teags

Their first impression of your muse: ~Fucking losser.~

Current impression:  ~Fucking losser and an assshole!~

Are they attracted to your muse?:  ~Hell no! And not jusst becausse I’m not into guyss!~

Something they find frightening about your muse: ~Oh pleasse! I’m not afraid of him! He bleedss jusst like everyone elsse! That sstupid arm iss a problem, though.~

Something they find adorable about your muse:  ~Fucking NOTHING!~

Would my muse sacrifice themselves for yours?:  ~I’d ssooner ssacrificce mysself for a ssingle blade of grasss than that jackasss.~

Would my muse go on a date with yours?  platonic/romantic:  ~I’d rather losse an arm than go on any kind of date with that mutt. God, just thinking about it makess me gag, ugh! I think I’m gonna puke.~

One word my muse would use to describe yours:  ~AWFUL.~

Would my muse slap yours if they could?: ~Hell yess I would. I’d sslap him sso hard hiss desscendant would be hatched with a bruisse and numbnesss on half their face.

Would my muse hug/kiss yours?: ~Fucking never. I’ll kill him before that would ever happen.~

[ginnyzero]

Completely Harmless Ch. 64

Completely Harmless An SSO SilverGlade Re-imagining Story (Or Fix it Fan Salt fic) By Ginny O.

When Lily and her friends wanted to buy horses and were directed to the Silverglade Manor and its myriad of problems, they didn’t expect to start a revolution. They were just a bunch a stable girls. Completely harmless. Right?

A/N: Things are only canon if I say they’re canon. Pre-Saving the Moorland Stables compliant for the most part. Posted in its entirety on my website. Posted in 2000 to 4000 word bits here. Rated T for Swearing Word Count 177,577

Chapter Sixty-Four The Cost of Victory

“Psst,” a voice said.

Lily slowed down.

“Hey!” The voice said a bit louder, sounding hoarse. They edged out from a raspberry shaded bramble patch.

“Lisa!” Alex hissed. She slid off her horse and ran over to her. She flung her arms around Lisa.

“Alex,” Lisa sputtered. Her eyes widened. “Why are you wearing makeup?”

“I’m in disguise,” Alex hiccupped. “You’re alive. I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Justin?” Lisa stared at them. “What in Aideen’s name is going on?”

“Hi, I’m Lily. We’re here to rescue you. We’re a little short for Stormtroopers.” Lily grinned. “Um, take a horse, any horse. Anne is up ahead.”

Lisa looked around. “Get behind here, quick.” She gestured.

They hid behind the brambles as best they could.

“Shh,” Lisa said.

“I know you’re around here somewhere!” A female voice called. “Come out, come out from whatever you’re hiding behind. You aren’t the only one that can manipulate Pandoric Energy here!”

“Katya,” Alex murmured, her voice hard.

They watched Katya, a girl with white hair and in a white outfit wander away.

“There’s a shadow seeker up ahead. I swear that it’s guarding the way to Anne.” Lisa ground her teeth.

Alex put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s what I’m for.”

“We don’t have time to explain. Alex, can you take care of the shadow seeker?” Lily reached up and pulled her hair back into a hair band.

“On it,” Alex said grimly and did the same.

Justin shook his head. “Girls, always so prepared.”

“I brought one for you too, baby,” Alex said. She leaned over kissing his cheek as she quickly tied up his hair.

“Baby?” Lisa squeaked.

Alex flushed. She eased out.

“No. You can’t leave me on that.” Lisa gestured back and forth. “Someone explain.”

“We’re, um, dating,” Justin muttered. His cheeks reddened.

“When did that happen?” Lisa gaped.

“You’ve been gone over a year,” Lily murmured.

Lisa gestured at the former Dark Horses. “What’s with them?” While Justin’s horse was looked like it was carved out of ice, the other Dark Horses were black with bright manes and tails of moving colored fire.

“I think they’re supposed to look like that,” Lily said. “We needed rides. The Soul Horses are a bit tied up.”

Lisa pointed at Nimbus. “And why is your horse all four Soul Horse- esque?”

“When I know, I’ll tell you.”

“Hah!” Alex shouted. “Come on, it won’t last long.”

They grabbed the horse’s reins and ran forward. They ran through the tunnel. Alex ran after them. They ran up another ramp before the Shadow Seeker could catch up to them.

“She can’t be far now,” Lisa said. “They’ve got more guards this way and Katya and the other one kept trying to herd me away from this place.”

Lily reached into her saddle bag and found a granola bar and a thing of water. “Food?”

“Thanks,” Lisa said as she grabbed it. “I found this place where it’s this entire grocery aisle of canned food. Beans and ravoli in a can. It’s a good thing I found someplace with drinkable water too.”

“It actually exists,” Alex said deadpan. “I thought Evergray was pulling our legs. Shit. Stay here. There’s another seeker.” She held up a hand and crept off ahead.

“Evergray?”

“Um, ex-druid, former chief archivist for the Keepers of Aideen, explorer of Pandoria. He knows a lot and he’s been helping us get to you and Anne,” Lily explained.

“I do hope you have some way out of here,” Lisa said. “With,” she paused to count on her fingers, “five of us, that grocery aisle won’t last long.”

“Oh, we have a way out barring any unforeseen difficulties.” Lily waved them ahead. “That’s why we don’t have your horses.”

“Good. Glad to see someone is thinking ahead for once,” Lisa said and ran towards Alex.

They followed her with the horses. The tunnel was longer and sloped downwards, turning teal and aqua. It opened up to a pink crystal hanging in the air and inside the crystal.

“Anne!” Lisa and Alex shouted.

“Alex? Lisa? No. No. Go back. Leave me! It’s hopeless.” Anne’s voice cracked. “There’s no way to win.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh shut the fuck up, bitch. Get on the horse. We’re going shopping.”

Alex, Lisa, and Justin all looked at her like they couldn’t quite believe what she just said.

Anne spoke again. “Did you just Mean Girls me?”

“Alex, crystal, time is fleeting.” Lily gestured at it.

Alex rubbed her hands together. “It’s not hopeless Anne. Not when we’re together.” She raised her hands. Lightning crackled and lashed out like a spear.

It hit the crystal. Cracks formed. The crystal shook and burst.

Anne screamed.

Justin lunged forward. “Got you.”

“Justin.” Anne stared at him.

Justin lowered her to the ground.

“Is that my horse?” Katya’s voice echoed in the tunnel. “What in hell have you done to my horse?”

“And that’s our cue to get out,” Lily said and mounted Nimbus.

Justin helped Anne onto a horse. He mounted Saga.

Katya stalked out. “You aren’t leaving are you? We were getting so well acquainted.”

“Hello Katya,” Lisa said.

“Good bye Katya,” Lily said and nudged Nimbus.

Nimbus ran.

Katya screamed and ducked down. “Darko!”

Nimbus jumped over her.

The other horses ran to either side of her.

Katya stood and whirled. “Darko. They’re escaping!”

The sky turned dark.

“I don’t think that’s Darko,” Lisa said glancing up.

Alex hit the shadow seeker on the fly. They kept running. There was no time to worry about it. They ran down ramps and through tunnels, jumping in places. They could hear a harp playing the closer they got back to where they began.

A thick tentacle smashed into the ground.

Alex pulled her horse to a stop. “Go. I’ll hold the rear.”

“Alex, no,” Lisa shouted.

“I’ll be right behind you, I promise,” Alex shouted back.

“Alex!” Justin screamed.

Lily hit Anne’s horse’s rump. It shied and darted forward and into the portal. The others not willing to be left behind followed it.

“No!” Justin sawed at Saga’s reins.

Saga jerked them out of his hands and ran flat out into the portal.

“Alex!” Justin’s shout was cut off.

The tentacle smashed the through the island between Lily and Alex.

The portal flickered and died.

--

At Guardian’s Dale, Anne on her horse jumped out of the portal and skidded down the stairs. There were others on her heels. Lisa held tight to her horse’s mane. Justin managed to get Saga to stop. He tried to turn her around. “Alex!” he screamed.

Anne swayed.

Lisa jumped off her horse and caught her. “You’ve been poisoned with Pandoric magic,” she said to Anne. She helped her lay down on the ground. “And you probably haven’t eaten in months. Water. Does anyone have any water?”

Evergray came over with another granola bar and water bottle. “Here,” he said.

Lisa looked up at him. “You must be Evergray.” She blinked. “You’re worse off than Anne.”

Evergray coughed. “Such is the price of Pandoria.”

“I have to go back,” Justin said to Linda who was standing in front of him playing the harp. “Alex is still in there. There were these tentacles. Lily is in there!”

Linda stood firm. “You have to trust Lily and Alex, Justin. The gate is still open. We have to hold the gate open.”

Justin almost fell off of Saga and his knees hit the stones. “She rescued me.” He put his head in his hands. “She rescued me and now she’s still in there.” He burst into sobs. “Let me go back, Linda, please.”

“She’s better equipped to defeat the Darkness than you are,” Linda said.

Evergray came over and touched his head. “I sense that a power has awoken in him.” He squeezed Justin’s shoulder. “Have faith in your lady.”

Elizabeth knelt by Anne and Lisa. “How can this be?”

“Lily and Alex came to rescue us,” Lisa murmured as she held Anne up.

Anne nibbled the granola bar. “She called me a bitch.”

“To be fair, sometimes you are,” Lisa grinned.

Anne shut her eyes. “I’m going to hold her to that shopping thing. I’m ugly now aren’t I?”

“It’s very magenta, kind of punk. Could be a whole new rebellious you?”

Anne snorted. She sat up straight and looked around. “Where’s Concorde? I couldn’t sense Concorde anymore.”

“He’s by his statue, see.” Lisa pointed. “Or, I’m assuming that’s his statue.”

“This is Guardian’s Dale,” Everygray said and coughed. “The gateway for the final battle with Garnok. Or, so go the tales. You may sit with Concorde if it will make you feel better, Anne Von Blissen. But we must hold the gate until Lily and Alex return to us.”

“This is your doing,” Elizabeth accused him.

“Mine? Nothing of the sort.” Evergray shook his head. “I merely coached it along. This was the doing of the Soul Riders who wouldn’t leave their friends in captivity.”

“You, you didn’t plan this,” Anne stared at Elizabeth, betrayal on her face.

“You were in too deep. We couldn’t risk it. Now, we may have lost another rider.”

Lisa trembled. “You knew where we were and did nothing?”

Elizabeth lowered her head. “We were waiting for the right time.”

“There was no right time,” Lisa bit out. “There was only now.”

Anne burst into tears. “You were supposed to guide us and support us.”

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth murmured. “I was wrong.”

“Then fix it,” Lisa challenged.

Elizabeth gathered her skirts. “I will,” she said and stepped forward towards the stairs. She stopped in front of Linda. “May I pass, Moon Rider?”

Linda continued to play. “There are different futures ahead of us, Keeper. The consequences may be deep and the story may go on without you.”

“That’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

“It won’t return you to the others.” Linda tilted her head. “They have moved on.”

“I care for Alex. My inaction drove her to this.”

“She would have done this anyways for the love of Justin, Anne, and Lisa. This was not of your doing. It had to happen. Birds must fly free of the nest. Foals must be weaned.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “Let me do what I should have done these past two years, please. I’m sorry, Linda. I thought your gift the weakest and least useful, thus I ignored you. I was wrong.”

Linda stepped to the side. “Make things right with Lily lest you regret it.”

Elizabeth put her foot on the stair.

Rhiannon put a hand on her arm. “What are you doing?”

“What I must for the sake of Aideen.” Elizabeth turned her head slightly.

“Then I’ll go with you.” Rhiannon lifted her chin.

Elizabeth nodded. “You’ll be welcome, friend.”

They mounted the steps to the gate together.

--

Darkness, all around her darkness. But there was something warm at her breast keeping the fear at bay. Lily fumbled into her trench pocket and pulled out one of the Fragments of Aideen’s Light. “Are you afraid of the dark?” she asked to no one. “No. Not really. I’m afraid of what’s in the dark. So let’s shed some light on the subject.”

The Sun Fragment flared to life. All around, the islands lay in shambles. Mushrooms floated by devoid of color and light. Lily shut her eyes and listened. She could still faintly hear the sounds of Aideen’s Harp. “I hope that’s not my imagination,” she said to herself.

She opened her eyes again. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” she murmured. There seemed to be only one path. She scrambled along it, holding the light out looking for anyone alive.

It reflected off something pink gold and black.

“Nimbus!” Lily scrambled over to him. “Are you okay?”

Nimbus whuffled. “Stunned mostly.” He shifted until he got his legs under him and stood. “That was quite a whallop.”

“Did the tentacle hit you?”

“No, it hit nearby. You must have been flung from my back.”

“We need to find Alex and get out of here.” Lily put a hand on his neck.

“The only way to find someone is to start looking.”

Lily fisted her hand and hit him lightly. “Thanks oh sage of the ancients.”

Nimbus whickered.

Lily mounted him and held up the Sun Fragment. It was easier going on Nimbus’ back. He could jump up onto places she couldn’t. Her eyes peered into the dark until they hurt.

She heard Alex first.

“There!” Lily pointed.

Alex lay curled up against a rock shelf, her horse’s reins loosely in her fingers. He stood over her, the fire mane a mere flicker of embers as if the horse was trying to hide. He snorted when he saw them.

Lily slipped off Nimbus. “Alex, I’m here.”

“Dead. Everyone’s dead. I’m useless. They tried to get away, but the portal blew. I’m the worst Lightning Rider ever. Can’t even hold a bit of ground to give them time.” Alex sobbed. “No wonder Elizabeth always berates me.”

“That’s not true. You’re better than that. You’re the only one that could have helped me with this mission. You know machines. You had motivations. You’re strong Alex. You’re brave. So brave. I want you to hold something.”

Alex stared blankly at her. “He’s so powerful. You can’t imagine how powerful.” The mascara streaked down her face.

Lily pressed the Sun Fragment into her hands. “You’re powerful too. You have more power than he can imagine because you love.”

The Sun Fragment pulsed in time with Alex’s heartbeat. It warmed her starting at her fingers.

“Lily,” Alex said and wiped her face on her shoulder. “You came back for me.”

“No woman left behind,” Lily said. “You are smearing that makeup something awful.”

Alex hiccupped. “I hate makeup.”

“Should have used waterproof,” Lily muttered and got out some hand wipes. She wiped off Alex’s face. “Close your eyes.”

The makeup came off and Lily crumpled the wipe putting it back in her pocket. “There. Clean.”

Alex sniffled. “Thanks, thanks for coming for me.”

“You are integral to this mission.” Lily looked down her nose. “And, we’re friends. I love you like a sister, not you know, romantically.” Lily hugged her.

“I love you too, Lils. Couldn’t do any of this without your scheming.” Alex hugged her back.

The fire horse snorted.

“We have company,” Nimbus said.

Lily grabbed the Sun Fragment from Alex’s hand and spun holding it up protecting the other girl.

Elizabeth Sunbeam held up her hands in surrender. Rhiannon kept her hands away from her side.

“Oh, it’s you,” Lily said flatly. She lowered the Sun Fragment. Standing, she offered a hand to Alex.

Alex grabbed it and stood. “Elizabeth,” she said in a hoarse voice.

Elizabeth looked back and forth between them.

Alex let Lily’s hand go and wiped it on her pants.

“I was wrong,” Elizabeth said.

“You think.” Lily’s lips parted.

“I’m trying to apologize.” Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.

“Suck it up, buttercup.” Lily glanced about. “Save it for when we’re out of here.”

Elizabeth sucked in her cheeks. “I saw myself in you, Alex, and I was trying to drive you to be a better rider.”

Lily grabbed Nimbus’ reins and mounted. She held up the Sun Fragment.

Alex mounted the fire horse. “You know, a ‘good job’ Alex would have worked twice as much,” she said and looked around. She shuddered.

Nimbus walked away. “There is no way to run on this terrain,” he observed.

“You aren’t making this easy,” Elizabeth huffed.

Alex followed Lily, magic around her hand.

“We’re teenagers. It’s in the contract. Do not make it easy on adult figures when they mess up,” Lily said.

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth managed.

“Excellent, be sorry, and let’s get back to the portal,” Lily said. “Alex?”

“I don’t like this,” Alex sang.

The ground shook.

“Run,” Elizabeth said. “Rhiannon, get them to the portal.”

Lily nudged Nimbus. “That isn’t a fight you’re going to win.”

Magic swirled around Elizabeth. “They need you now, Lily. I’ve failed them. You will show them the way.” Elizabeth turned and ran off, disappearing and reappearing further away in the distance. Lily could only see her because of the light around her.

“Elizabeth!” Rhiannon shouted.

Lily gritted her teeth. “Don’t make her sacrifice in vain.”

Rhiannon turned to her. “We can’t. You said.”

“I can’t keep fools from committing suicide by Cthulhu,” Lily said. “Show us the portal. Now.”

Rhiannon jogged away. “We have to get to her.”

“She’s too far off. No one can get to her.”

“Your horse has wings.”

Nimbus sighed. Humans. “I need a running start. There’s no running start.”

The portal appeared ahead of them, bright, and malevolent pink.

Behind them, the light around Elizabeth went out.

Alex choked. “No.”

The ground shook. Rocks lifted into the air and came down hard. It reverberated under their feet.

“Go!” Lily shouted.

Alex gasped and shoved Rhiannon through the portal. On the other side, she took Rhiannon up on the back of her horse and galloped down the stone pathway. She looked behind her.

Lily rode Nimbus, hunched over his neck, the Sun Fragment leaking light between her red fingers.

A tentacle pulled the other portal apart widening it. It wiggled through hitting the road.

Alex jumped through the portal.

“He’s coming!” Evergray shouted. “Get back from the portal. Get back!”

Alex’s horse ran down the stairs in a clatter of hooves.

“Alex!” Justin shouted.

Lily skidded to a halt right outside the portal. Nimbus flared his wings. Energy flickered around him, outlining every hair and every wing feather. The crystal horn on his head glowed with bright light. Lily’s eyes blazed white. She held up the Sun Fragment and the Star Fragment in her hand. Light swirling around them, pulsating and sparkling. It curled around her arm like a flame.

A tip of a tentacle jutted through the portal.

“Garnok!” Lily’s voice echoed on itself, hollow sounding and overlaid with hundreds of voices. “Go to hell and take your little friends with you!”

The light turned into a bright lance and pierced the portal.

Garnok screamed.

The druids and Soul Riders had to cover their ears.

The tentacle jerked back.

Evergray, somehow still having sense in all of this, yanked the keystone from the pedestal.

The portal slammed shut.

“Aideen,” the druids murmured. “Aideen has returned.”

The light around Lily faded. Her arm dropped. Swaying, she toppled.

Nimbus’ legs folded under him.

“Lily!” Linda shouted sling the harp onto her back by the strap. She dashed up the stairs to catch her. She managed to brace Lily before she hit the stone.

The ground trembled and shook. Stones fell from the cliffs of the Dale. Dust swirled off the statues. One of the walls cracked.

All around South New Jorvik County, the ground split open turning black and porous on the edges and magenta light spilled out of the cracks piercing the dark quiet night.

Epilogue

The blades of the helicopter churned up the water making it choppy and rough. It sped northwards under dark skies, the man inside brooding as he looked out the window.

It headed to a place eerily similar to where it began, an oil rig sitting in the middle of a bay. It came to a halt over the center of a pad and slowly lowered. As the skids touched metal, the great circular portal gate flared to life, swirling energies in pink and magenta.

Mr. Sands disembarked the helicopter. The back of it rose first and it returned to hovering before flying off. He faced the portal squarely.

The first thing to appear was a long thin cane followed by two tone tall lace up sneakers and leather pants. Belts wrapped and buckled around them.

Mr. Sands didn’t bother to hide his sneer.

The man finished stepping out, dressed in a black leather long coat with the collar popped up. Longer than the back, the sides went down to his ankles. It was faced in bright orange and closed with large buttons. Zippered pockets on the chest didn’t appear to be able to hold anything. He wore a red robe like shirt under it. Cracking his neck, he tugged at the orange cuffs of his sleeve passing the cane between his hands. The white gloves seemed out of place. The man set his cane tip squarely in front of him and rested both hands on it.

Mr. Sands lifted his chin slightly. “Darko.”

Darko ran a hand over his red mohawk and looked down his nose at Mr. Sands. “I’m here to take over.”

FOR THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGES PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY WATERMARK AND CONTACT INFORMATION. THANK YOU. I get it. Some of you might get excited and want to see this stuff in the game, especially the clothes, tack, and pets. However, the only way I want to see this in the game is if I get paid for it. If I see it in the game and I’m not paid for it, there will be hell to pay. You think I’m salty. I’d be angry. Personally, I’m not going to send this info to SSO. If you do, leave my contact information there! Don’t give them any excuses to steal.

Now, I’ll know you haven’t read this note if you leave me comments about how ‘salty’ I am about the game and if I hate it so much I should do something else. I am doing something else. It’s called Mystic Riders MMORPG Project. Mystic Riders however is a very baby phase game. You can check out our plans on the game dev blog. (Skills, Factions, Professions, Crafting, Mini-Games, 25+ horse breeds!) If you know anyone who would be interested and has money or contacts about game making, direct them to the blog.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 05.09.17 lb

lololol shivaay turning the paper this way and that trying to read it (it’s in marathi, lol) 😂😂😂

hein? this house has a staircase also???? leading where???? 🤔🤔🤔

shivaaaay + chaaaaaaaai = this should be interesting. 😐😐😐

oh boy she wants him to drink it from the saucer. (always seemed weird to me.) 😕😕😕

lmaoooo “no, that doesn’t sound right.” 😂😂😂

props to him for actually trying this. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

“IT’S GOOD!”  “MERE mooh mein paani aa gaya tha!” 

lmao my tharki mind is interpreting this whole conversation in a verrrrrrrry different way! 😏😏😏

lmaoooooooooooo baalti wali bath! ab aayega mazaaaaaa. the true middle class experience! never am i more humbled than when i have to do a baalti bath back in india. 😌😌😌

please to be watching this video by my fav, kenny sebastian, and him describing the process super accurately. my place in kerala is in the city and the bathroom is in the house and all (ooooh! so fancy!), but this is pretty much how it goes. i can smell the medimix just watching this video! 🙃🙃🙃

you were so pleased with the “rain water harvesting” yesterday billu. time to walk the talk! 😊😊😊

LOL HE TOOK HER SERIOUSLY. 😂😂😂

pft, “humare paas sabun bhi hai????” idiottttt 🙄🙄🙄

LMAO HE TOOK HER SERIOUSLY ABOUT THE DATUN TOO. MAN, RICH PEOPLE ARE SO FUN TO FUCK WITH. 🤣🤣🤣

“main jaa raha hoon nahaane ke liye. tum chalogi mere saath?”

lmao why, billu? do you want a witness for your embarrassment? trust me, you’re not gonna feel even remotely sexy while doing a middle class baalti bath. 

gauri is worried about becoming vidhwaa 6 months into her marriage. 😬😬😬

LMAOOOOO AAPKO US SAAND KE SAATH BAITHKE CHITHRA NAHI BANANE HAI 😂😂😂

OH MY GOD OMKARA, YOU ARE TRULY AN IDIOT. DANGAL MOVIE DEKHNE SE KOI PEHELWAN NAHI HO JAATA. MATLAB,  I’VE WATCHED LEGALLY BLONDE 300 TIMES, MAIN LAWYER THODI HO GAYI HOON. 😒😒😒

same, gauri. #same. 

oufff shivaay ke sarrr se nkk ka bhoot utarkar iske sarrr chadh gaya hai. 😑😑😑

hahahaha herrrrr imitation. her faaaace. i love her so much. 😂😂😂

OMG WTF EVEN ARE THESE KURTAS SHIVAAY IS WEARING THEY LOOK FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WHY ISN’T HE JUST WEARING HIS REGULAR KURTAS THAT HE WEARS AT HOME?!!?!? CURSE YOU SHIRALI CURSE YOU TO HELL, JUST LET THE MAN LIVE 😫😫😫

oh boyyyy chawl udaana hai 😬😬😬

10 to 1 the maalik is…

…. YUP. 😒😒😒

the fuck shivaay, do you even pay attention to half the orders you give? 😐😐😐 how many bldgs have you felled like this without even knowing?

ok the rule was to not use your name and identity for undue advantages. not for situations like these! 😩😩😩

OH MY GOD HE’S ACTUALLY YOUTUBING HOW TO DO KUSHTI. 😧😧😧

son, if that worked, all the fitness videos i watch and subscribe to would have me sporting 6 pack abs and zero jiggle. 😣😣😣

lmao ek din mein 5 kele khaa ke kya hona hai????? 😶😶😶

chor naukar has an unsolicited opinion. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao their reaction! omki’s “get a load of this guy!” head nod. baat aane par dono ek team ho gaye. abhi chor ki jamkar dhulaai hogi. 😂😂😂

hey chawl-blower-upper-dude, why are you such an asshole? just chill maybe? 😒😒😒

gotta love these oBahus and how they’re all ready to throw down the second someone is mean to their patis.  (ง •̀_•́)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง (ง •̀_•́)ง 

GOD SHIVAAY YOU’RE AN IDIOT. JUST MAKE A CALL AND GET YOUR OFFICE TO STOP THE PLAN. HONESTLY. 😒😒😒

“IS CHAWL MEIN REHNE WAALA EK AAM AADMI.” 

WHOSE HAIR KE HIGHLIGHTS COST MORE THAN THE MONTHLY BUDGET OF PPL IN THIS CHAWL. 🙄🙄🙄

…. is he sitting ON the dynamite? 😟😟😟

lmao only the rich think that “the right to peacefully protest” achieves ANYTHING in india. bitch, the aam aadmi has no TIME to protest, peacefully or otherwise. humein ghar bhi chalaane hote hai. 🙄🙄🙄

i feel bad for the explosion guy. he’s also an aam aadmi, trying to do his damn job. kahaan is majnu se paala pad gaya aaj. 😑😑😑

…. and you’re only doing this for anika and sahil? they have alternate housing and are sorted in life now. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING IN THE CHAWL WHO DON’T? AM I SUPPOSED TO AWWWWW OVER THIS BS? 😤😤😤

anika’s like OMG!SEXXXXXXXXX TAKE ME NOW HUBBY hearing that sentimental pap though. oh well. whatever works for her. 😕😕😕

lmaooooo her mooophat jawab and his honest laugh at her bindaass-ness. 😊😊😊

the couple that does dharna together, stays together, i guess? 🤔🤔🤔

ok i can’t stop laughing at omki’s hella lame kushti moves. that too, with this untrained idiot who’s not even that heavily built. such false complacency. 😐😐😐

omki going in with some classic WWE moves. 😊😊😊

gauri’s excitement is hella cute though. 😍😍😍

“abbe kahan jaa raha hai bhaag ke? practice kiske saath karoonga abhi?” 

pffffffffffft. 

wifey be like I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE. 🙋🏽🙋🏽🙋🏽

girl, stop putting the sunglasses on every 3 minutes to look cool. woh bhi raat mein. it’s laaaaaaame. 🙄🙄🙄

sure. ok. with all the hair open. you been hanging out with bhavya too much. 😑😑😑

omki be like, oh yeah baby, imma wrestle with you. imma wrestle with you gooooooooooood. imma lift you up and pin you down and then take my shirt off and… hmm? what? yes. wrestling. this is how it’s done. (in the dangal themed porno i came across on the dark side of the web during my “research”.) 😏😏😏😏

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😍😍😍😍

i like how the chulbul moments are there too. omki is canon confirmed bi/pan/demisexual, fiiiiiiiiiiight me. 😊😊😊

haaaaaaye my cuties. 💖💖💖

i like how it’s night in… lonavla or wherever the f rikara are, and early morning in mumbai where shivika are. because the two places are in DIFFERENT TIME ZONES 12 HOURS APART. 😐😐😐

balbirrrrrrrr should NOTTTTTTTTTT have done that. 😠😠😠

LMAO “AYE INKE HEIGHT PE MAT JAA!!!!!!!!”  “BOLNA ZAROORI THA YEH?” “YEH MOTA AAPKE HEIGHT KA MAZAAK UDAA RAHA HAI!” “haan, aur tum usse aur underline kar do!!!” 

my god what a family of fighty little munchkins this is today. 😊😊😊

oh, iska boss bhi idhar hi hai? 

LMAO IS THAT KHANNAAAAAAAAAA?????????? HAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

lollllllllllllll khanna’s been using the SSO name to act like big mannnnn. 

“namaste khannaji!” “nahi, BOSS!” 

heeeee heeee heeeeeee 😂😂😂

ok that looks like the most uncomfortable way to sleep, gauri. 

has he been practicing all night????? great, he’s gonna go wrestle with NO training, and not having SLEPT either. idiot. 😒😒😒

oufffff gauri ask bhavya to send BACKUP instead of asking her for kushti tips, jfc. 😑😑😑

billu ka swaagat toh aise kiya jaa raha hai jaise jung se lauta ho. fucking ridiculous. 🙄🙄🙄

such cute. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

dadi gave you the fucking night off from her pehredaari to go at it like rabbits and you spent it talking about baltis and whatnot. this is what you call WASTE OF OPPORTUNITY. 😫😫😫😫

bhavya looking 10000% done with rudra is me. #freeMyGirl 😣😣😣

lo, billu ne bhavya ko bhi adopt kar liya. he’s like who needs stupidass brothers when i can have AWESOMEASS SISTERSSSSSSSS 😊😊😊

LMAOO RUDRA’S LOOK OF BETRAYAL 🤣🤣🤣🤣

don’t think i missed bhavya looking all choked up though. 😭😭😭

allllllllll the toe touches in the world aren’t gonna help ya, omki. 😐😐😐

dude, like yeh balram legit apne khanna ka bhai lagta hai. 😗😗😗

of course he’s not gonna listen. 🙄🙄🙄

aaaaaaaaaaaand there goes the lassi. and the omkara. 😕😕😕

OMG THAT SHOT OF HIS FACE BOUNCING OFF THE FLOOR HAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣

HE’S FUCKING OUT. WITHOUT EVEN STEPPING INTO THE RING LOLOLOLOLOLOL. THIS IS FUCKING HILAAAAAAAAAAAARIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

LMAO HOW EVEN IS THE SHOW PLAYING THIS AS A SERIOUS MOMENT I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING OMG 😂😂😂😂

ouff. stupid mardaangi taunts. #masculinitySoFragile

ok fwding the nonsense till bulbul gets into the ring. 

aw. bhavyaaa. *hugs her* we love you, we do. which is why we want better for you than f’ing rudra. sumo toh khud hi jaan chudaaa kar chali gayi. ab tumhe kaise bachaaye is se. 🙁🙁🙁

anika’s crying too. and has dialogues about family ka hissa and all. all that is okay, but please god don’t make her chutki. 😬😬😬

rudra calling for cessation of this divisive team policy in order to get some bro bonding time. 😌😌😌

waaah, dadi maan bhi gayi. 😯😯😯

wait, shivaay and rudra have a GANG? these ppl have OTHER friends??? 😧😧😧

surprise element? um… idk why but my mind instantly went to bachelor party and strippers. 😬😬😬

gauri be like BITCH, DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND EK JHAANP MEIN DEEWAR PE SATTAAO-FY YOU 😠😠😠😠

big talk from all the men. PFT. COMEEEEEEEEE ONNNNN GAURIIII. 

LMAO THE INTERCUTS TO SHOW OM STILL PASSED OUT COLD IS MAKING ME LOL SO HARD 😂😂😂

girl please, TIE YOUR DAMN HAIR UP. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ALL THE WOMEN IN THIS SHOW 😩😩😩

can balram stop with the stupid yelling and faces? coz does this woman look intimidated by it? uh. that would be a resounding NO. 🙄🙄🙄

ok fwding. coz honestly i fucking CAN’T. 

god just fucking kick him in the nutsssss and END THISSSSSS 😫😫😫

LMAO OMKI JUST WOKE UP AND IS LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK 😟😟😟😟😟

hold up, few seconds ka rewind. waaah, shivaay ki tarah ab isse bhi Awareness™ chadhta hai when wife is hurt/in danger. 

mubarak ho on your new superpowers, omkiiii! they’re gonna make your life an anxiety-ridden hell, since YOUR wife wants to fight every third person she meets. 🙃🙃🙃

hubs be like AW HELL NO, NO ONE MESSES WITH MY CHIRAIYYA; HERE HAVE A KICK TO THE GODDAMN CHEST 😤😤😤😡😡😡

arre waaaaah. out in like a minute. omki toh bada chupaa rustam nikla! boy, take off that shirt so we can see what you’re REALLLLLLYY working with, body wise. you know, FOR RESEARCH. 😗😗😗

what “uthhhhhh balram”??? whoever hits the ground back-first loses. and he’s lost. fuck off now sadde hue tauji. 😒😒😒

haaaaaaaaaaaye. my sweeeetooooos. 💗💗💗

actualllllllly cryingggggg at omkiiiiii freely confessing that he couldn’t bear to see her get hurttttttttt. 😭😭😭😭😭

“shankarji ki tarah gusse mein aapki teesri aankh khul gayi.” 😅😅😅

JUST KISS ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 😩😩😩😩

yes ok uncleji, thanks for your completely unsolicited validation but we just want the murti, so give us that and we’ll be on our way, thanks. 😒😒😒

rikara be like pyaaaaaaar? whaaat? no! we’re just roomies! with a lot of sexual tension. 😯😯😯😯😯

lmaoooo chubby has some new cockamamie scheme. 😆😆😆

hahahaha “investment”. sure. maybe ask your cambridge mba waala bhaiyya how investments actually work?????? 🙄🙄🙄

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz lbs: 4th + 5th may

suchhhh bad acting by the qaidis. lord, why can’t this show get better extras? 😐😐😐

pft. shivaay singh oberoi just DANCED around drunk on magic berries with a bigger gun than that. try harder, qaidis. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao, shuru ho gayi apni madam. 😋😋😋

HAHAHAHA AMAR PREM 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

“naam sunte hai pata chala tha tum filmy aur awaara kism ke ladke ho, but no! tum toh nikkame aur nithalle bhi ho.” 😂😂😂

lol shivaay’s reaction to her ENERGY. 😂😂😂

OMG JUST WHEN I THINK I CAN’T LOVE ANIKA MORE, SHE QUOTES ANDAZ APNA APNA. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, I WOULD DIE FOR THIS GIRL. I WOULD. MOVE OVER SHIVAAY. NO ONE CAN LOVE HER MORE THAN ME. 😭😭😭

this is exaaaaaaaaactly how i react when ppl tell me they haven’t seen andaz apna apna. 😧😧😧

jesus i feel like gul & co. are stalking me. *looks around suspiciously*

these qaidis need to get a grip with the bad acting. 😕😕😕

shivaay is so undeserving of my queen. can she leave his unappreciative ass and marry me? ours shall be a happy, andaz apna apna quote filled union. 👭🏽👭🏽👭🏽

why are the qaidis holding hands? are they lovers, ‘i love you philip morris’ style? 🤔🤔🤔

also i swear i’ve seen the moochi waala qaidi somewhere before. 😐😐😐

lmaooooooooo shivaay’s faceeee when she keeps talking. 😂😂😂

lol, the moochi waala qaidi is thissss close to losing it. i guess you need to be exposed to anika for a really long time to build up resistence the way shivaay has. 😋😋😋

whattttt kinda stupidass police doesn’t know what the faraar qaidi look like? 😒😒😒

i really think the qaidi are lovers. look how affectionately that one is sehlaofying the other one’s knee. 😙😙😙

who died and made anika the leading expert on tyres? 🙄🙄🙄

lol, sach mein aaj bohut bakbak kar rahi hai. i think she MIGHT still be high on berry juice. 😂😂😂

lo. aur police. 😐😐😐

finally. someone knows what INDIA’S LEADING BUSINESSMAN looks like. 😒😒😒

BIWI BIWI BIWI BIWI. man is unstoppable. i think he’s just glad someone’s married to his annoying ass.  😂😂😂

aaaaaaaaand moochi waala qaidi’s lost his temper finally. 😝😝😝

OUFF, SHIVAAY. YOU’RE THE BIGGEST IDIOT. I THINK THIS IS PROOF HE’S A BONAFIDE OBEROI, COZ SUCH DUMBASSERY IS 100% OBEROI GENES. 😑😑😑 

lol anika talking about her hair routine featuring mehendi reminds me of the scene where she offers omkaara shikakai and reetha waala shampoo as thanks for clearing her name of the chip waala accusation. 😂😂😂

why the fuck hasn’t shivaay noticed that the policeman is out cold???? 😒😒😒

CODEWORD BHI NAHI SMAJHTA, BEWAKOOF!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😤😤😤

“lagta hai bhabiji ko antakshari khelni hai.” lmao 😂😂😂

haha shivaay’s fake laugh. 😂😂😂

oh god, please don’t make HIM sing. 🙉🙉🙉

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG SHIVAAY’S GETTING MAD THAT ANIKA’S SINGING DURING HIS TURN. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

shivaay singh oberoi, antakshari enthusiast. who knew. 😇😇😇

… i’m so surprised shivaay even knows how to play antakshari. it’s such a LS game as far as he’s concerned. 🤔🤔🤔

LMAO LOOK AT HIM ENJOYING ‘GOLI MAAR BHEJEEEE MEIN’ AS IF IT’S SOME CLASSICAL RAAG 😂😂😂😂

oh godddddddddddddd now he’s even singing along to oye oye. this fucking idiot. 😂😂😂

FUCKINGGGGGG FINALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY! 

LOL WHY IS HE STILLL SINGINGGGG ALONNNNNGGG???? 😂😂😂

could youuuuu people run a little FURTHER, and not just stop at the first thing you found???????? idiots. 😒😒

“tum theek ho?” awwww 😭😭😭😭

lmaooo “haan par US WAQT ka code word tha na!” pffffffft. typical husband wala excuse. 🙄🙄🙄

“TOH ACHCHI QUALITY KA BRAIN KHAREEDNA CHAHIYE THA NA!!!!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂

he doesn’t know what oootpataang means??? it’s a normal word though?? 😐😐😐

I TOLD YOU FUCKERS TO RUN FURTHERRRRRRRRRRR 😩😩😩

qaidis are taking full opportunity to fucking ACT the fuck out of the 3 minutes given to them. 😒😒😒

shivaay, you know she’s not gonna leave your stupid ass, as much as you deserve it. it’s her one fatal flaw. 😑😑😑

pffffffft, so only you can talk crap about how much she talks eh? 🙄🙄🙄

lmaooooooo anika and her thermocol ka stone. 😂😂😂

qaidi 2 ki actingggggggg. amazing. 

headcanon: patidev was finding anika all types of sexy and advancing to kiss the crap outta her when that stupid qaidi interrupted. 😠😠😠

is this the time to pick a fight, shivaay? kissss her! 😚😚😚

i feel like my liveblogs these days should just be a bullet point after bullet point screaming “kiss her!!!!!!!!!!!” and nothing more. 😐😐😐

please, is that why you stood in front of a gun, ready to take a bullet with her name on it FOR THE SECOND FUCKING TIME???? 🙄🙄🙄

this is an equal opportunity bullet-taking relationship, asshole. you better accept that and get used to it, mister. 😑😑😑

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO THEM SCREAMING SHUT UP AT THE QAIDI. AND HIM ACTUALLY PUTTING HIS FINGER ON HIS LIPS. 😂😂😂😂

she’s right. it is yourrrrr fault, shivaay. your nosy NKK enquiring ass is to fault! 😒😒😒

“haddi-tod bhi” LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO 😂😂😂

I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS KANJI EYED MOTHERFUCKER GETS HIMSELF SHOT AGAIN, IMMA RESURRECT HIS DEAD ASS AND KILL HIM ALL OVER AGAIN MYSELF. AND IT’LL BE PAINFUL AND FUCKING SLOW. FUCKING HELL. 😡😡😡

5th may

lmaoooooo wait, they’re really named AMAR PREM? hahahahahaha 😂😂😂

shivaay’s sideeye at the qaidis while watching them argue. 😂😂😂

“mere koooo kyunnn maaara????” - said in the same voice and tone as “tere ko kisneee maaara????????” from gunda 😂😂😂

anika’s turn to stand in front now. #feminism 💁🏽💁🏽💁🏽

oh mooch wale qaidi. that was a mistake. you made SSO angry. you won’t like him when he’s angry. 😬😬😬

“BIIIIIIIIIIWIIIIII HAI MERIIIIIIIIIII! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS RAN OUT ON MY ASS ON MY WEDDING DAY???? YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET HER TO MARRY ME? AND TO KEEP HER MARRIED TO ME ON A DAILY BASIS? IT’S FUCKING HARD. DON’T YOU FUCKING BE SHOOTING AT THE ONLY WOMAN ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH WHO CAN TOLERATE ME!!!!!!!!”

lol nakuul having to stand on his tippy toes to match the qaidi’s height. 😂😂😂

why’s he pointing the gun towards himself tho? such a fucking idiot. 😒😒😒

pfffffffffft, i already know the qaidi’s the one who’s getting shot. awaaiiiii ka drama. 🙄🙄🙄

looks like policeman finallly fucking woke up from his mini coma. 😐😐😐

also, god, so overdramatic, mooch waale qaidi. bas haath pe hi toh laga hai. that’s like a rudra level graaaaaaze. ask these two how a gunshot to the fucking chest feels. 😒😒😒

yaaaaaaaaaaas, you hug the crap outta your husband girl. 😊😊😊

and since he’s not taking the initiative, maybe YOU kiss him. it’s 2017, girls can do that now. 🙆🏽🙆🏽🙆🏽

coz she loves your dumb ass, you dumbass. 😒😒😒

ouff. you two. less fighting. more makeout-ing. 🙄🙄🙄

oh ho, ghoom phir ke back to NKK. 😑😑😑

btw, is this all happening in front of the chor-police? like… you two should maybe take this behind that wall. 😕😕😕

aw. he’s trying. 😭😭😭

i know he is, but… come on man, you’re a grownass adult. you gotta learn how to control your impulses. you can’t just do whatever the fuck you “want”. i WANT to quit my job and just stay in bed, braless all day. i WANT to never eat another healthy meal again and just subsist on potato chips and popcorn for the rest of my life. can i do that? NO. COZ THAT’S WHAT BEING A GODDAMN ADULT IS ABOUT. YOU CONTROL YOUR IMPULSES AND DO THE RIGHT THING. 😒😒😒

aaaah, finally she said it. 😭😭😭

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

also, crying. my boy’s grown up. he’s SO grown up. waaaaaah. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

amazing what some rottenass alcoholic berries and having a gun pointed in your face can do! they’ve given this man the self awareness he’s been lacking for 33 fucking years. 😐😐😐

ok, did he stay up all night reading some relationship therapy book or what? he’s talking classic counselling language. 🤔🤔🤔

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh, they love each other sooooo muchhhhhhhhhh. and iiiiiiiii love them soooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

COULD YOU FUCKERS AT LEAST FUCKING KISS NOW?!!? 😩😩😩

GODDAMNIT POLICE OFFICER!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WERE GONNA KISS! THEY ALREADY HAVE A BROTHER WHO DOES GHATIYA INOPPORTUNATELY TIMED SHAYARI BACK HOME. NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOUR STUPIDASS FUCKING SHER. 😡😡😡

also, where did the second policeman come from?? 

GO HOME AND SEXXXXXXXX NOW!!!!!!!!!!! 👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽👉🏽👌🏽

walk, you spoilt braaaatttt! 🙄🙄🙄

CHAMPA!!!!!!!!! 😇😇😇

lmaooooo anika’s wonderstruck look at her ownnnn hands. such fucking cute. i love her so much. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

lmaoooooo “zindagi bharrrr yeh sunna hoga” suchhhhh a typical husband. 😂😂😂

lol tumhare paas jet THAAA. it crashed, remember? 😋😋😋

LMAO SHE’S SOOOOO ME. SUCHHHH A PATRONIZING SMUGASS BITCHHHHHH. 😂😂😂

awwww look how nervous he is. 😊😊😊

HELLO CHAMPU! 😂😂😂 

she just SHOVED him offffff lmaooooo 😂😂😂😂

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HE’S COVERING HIS FACE!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

“dono” haha awwwwwwwwww 😙😙😙

“is baare mein kisi ko bataana mat.” 

omgggggggg this adorable fuckerrrrr. 💘💘💘💘

“pair theek se aa rahe hai?“ 

kyun nahi aayenge? utniiiii height toh hai nahi iski. 😋😋😋

lollllllllllllllllllll he doesn’t know what to do with his handsssssssss. 😂😂😂

why the random flashbacks to the #shitia party? 🤔🤔🤔

ouffffff, back to this hellhole. can’t my babies just stayyyyy in the foresttttttttt? 😫😫😫

lmaoooooooo look at him saunter in coooooolllly in the bg. 😆😆😆

UGH. CALM DOWN MUMMEH. HE’S BACK NOW. 🙄🙄🙄

and fuck your passive aggressiveness. 😑😑😑

shivaay’s silent but slightly annoyed “I’M A GROWNASS ADULT” face is my permanant face at my mom. 😐😐😐

mummeh doesn’t appreciate being dismissed like that. 😬😬😬

nor does she appreciate him being a GOOD FUCKING HUSBAND. THERE IS NOTHING I FUCKING HATE MORE THAN THIS DESI CONCEPT OF “JORU KA GHULAM”. IT’S CALLED BEING A CONSIDERATE, LOVING HUSBAND. MAJAAAAAL HAI KI THE PATRIARCHY LET A MAN BE DEMONSTRABLY AFFECTIONATE AND CARING TOWARDS HIS GODDAMN WIFE. 👿👿👿👿

i’ve said it once, i’ll say it again: fuck you very much pinky. please die, thanks. 👹👹👹☠☠☠

god what nonsense. looks like gauri’s bullshit #pativrataness is spreading via air to anika. ugh. LET HIM TOUCH YOUR GODDAMN FEET IF THAT’S WHAT HE WANTS. 😒😒

goddddddd pinkyyyyyyyyyy, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!!!!!! BHOOT KE TARAH MANDARAAA RAHI HAI HAMESHA. 😑😑😑

and he said he doesn’t wanna do the damn pooja. DROP IT, MUMMEH! 😠😠😠

yeah, whatever. good luck trying. now leave. 🙄🙄🙄

“khud ko change karne ki koshish kar raha hoon. mere liye tumhara naam khoon khaandaan TUMSE IMPORTANT NAHI HAI.“ 

excuse me. it’s raining on my face. 😭😭😭

… ”HUMAAAAAAARE LIYE”. SAY IT! SAY IT! 🙃🙃🙃

HAAAAAAAA, HE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

“ek dusre ke liye goli khaa sakte hai… toh mom ki gaali khaa hi sakte hai.“ 

lol idk about you shivaay, but i’d rather khaaofy goli rather than mom ki gaali, coz desi moms and their daant is waaaay more emotionally traumatic. 😫😫😫

also, waaaaaaaaaaaaah, i loveeeee himmmmmmmmmm. 😭😭😭

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT MAHI VE CONFIRMED TO BE SHIVAAY KA BHAI 😱😱😱

today’s lb will be put up like… waaaaaay later. :)