#Jesus Fucking Christ Garp

[eroguron0nsense]

Portgas D. Ace Rant #21223

Sometimes I just think about how profoundly neglected child Ace was and how little the adults in charge of raising him –namely Garp and Dadan– were capable of understanding his emotional needs or the severe guilt and self hatred they'd basically allowed him to wallow in. Ignoring the child neglect played for comic effect, none of them have anything to contribute when Ace is visibly distressed by the constant reminders that Roger is hated by all, that his father was allegedly a monster, and to a certain extent we can guess that Garp probably played a role in fostering it. Even his attempts to actually support Ace (specifically the "You'll see as you live" line) don't really address the fundamental issue of suicidal depression and issues of self worth, and probably kind of inadvertently made it harder for this suicidal 10 year old to rationalize the very basic notion that he deserves/ that anyone wants him to be alive. Even his friendship with Sabo, which provides him with at least some of the companionship he's been deprived of, isn't anywhere near enough to address that kind of fundamental depression and neglect, and the only thing he knows how to do in response is to take out his frustration on an even smaller, younger, neglected child.

(It's also highly likely that he's aware, on some level or another, of the atrocities committed during the military's search for him, and he's definitely aware that Rouge forfeited her life for him, so this notion that his existence is cursed is reinforced by severe survivor's guilt)

It says a lot that the first person to provide Ace with any amount of the affirmation he desperately needs is Luffy, who out of all the people around Ace should by right be the least equipped to emotionally support him, just by saying that he wants to be around Ace and he's glad that Ace exists.

[hauntingblue]

Oh now the villagers know..... and arlong burned the town to punish her..... for some reason

[greeneyedsigma]

Sengoku, at Garp's funeral: I need a moment with him. Everyone: Of course. *They leave* Sengoku, leaning over Garp′s coffin: Okay, listen here, you little shit. I know you’re not dead. Garp: Yeah, no shit.

**

Garp: Pulls a glass of water from out of nowhere Sengoku: Where did you get that? Garp: My pocket. Sengoku: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? Garp: Skills.

**

Sengoku at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with, um, seven espresso shots. Garp, in line behind them: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

**

Garp: We’re having a moment, aren’t we? Sengoku: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

**

Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: Dad just insisted that Mom and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by his clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real him and which is the imposter. Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

**

Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity? Sengoku, turning to Garp: How tall are you?

**

Garp: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE! Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

**

Garp, texting Dragon: Text me when you’re home safely. Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: I’m home dangerously. Garp: Stop it. Dragon, firmly in the midst of the teenage years: I’m home lethally

[namisweatheria]

Thinking about how Garp and Luffy are the exact same type of Insane Selfish Carefree Person who only cares about their own interests except one of them works for the government and the other is an outlaw. Which makes one of them apathetic to the suffering of others and the other deeply kind and easily involved in other’s troubles.

Also Jesus fucking Christ Garp and Roger really ARE those gay obsessed with each other rivals who are both deeply horrible shitty people. Wow. The way they both commit child neglect/abandonment while simultaneously raising some other kids they like better who fit conveniently into their lifestyle. Jesus Christ. People have said this about them before but I honestly didn’t really see it until now.

Like yeah obviously Roger entrusting his kid to Garp, a man on the other side of the lines, was Something, but I didn’t know how reciprocated that was. But he really just showed up to a genocide (was gonna stay home) (doesn’t care about it) (beach lounging) to protect the perpetrators (doesn’t really care about them) (just his job) (which he was gonna ignore) because he heard Roger was gonna be there and he gets to fight him. I know I already said it but jesus fucking christ. OLD MEN WHO ARE SO GAY AND FUCKED UP AND EVIL

[animebw]

Reading One Piece: Chapters 956-957

-And back to the Reverie! Or the aftermath, at least. Can’t say I’m surprised things didn’t go to well.

-Oooooh fuck what happened to Alabasta

-”I may be a money hungry scrooge, but I’m a journalist first and foremost!” aksjhajksdghaskjd so much for sweeping this story under the rug

-FUCKING HELL DON’T TELL ME WE LOST SABO AGAIN

-Shiiiiit, and now Cipher Pol’s running amok in Wano too. Things are not good.

-H. Holy. Holy shit. They’re dissolving the seven warlords system. They’re actually fucking dissolving it. GUYS.

-AHAHAHAHA AND BUGGY GETS SCREWED OVER AGAIN

-Good lord, this is insane. The warlords are targets again, two of the emperors have teamed up... the world’s entire balance of power is being turned on its head all at once.

-hi Fujitora I miss you

-So. You’re telling me. Big Mom, Kaido, and Whitebeard all used to be on the same crew. And the person who finally stopped their reign of terror was none other than Garp. Who teamed up with Gol D. Goddamn Roger to win the day. What. The. Fucking. Shit.

-YEAH NO WONDER THE WORLD GOVERNMENT COVERED THIS UP JESUS CHRIST

-And of course their old captain Rocks was another person with the Will of D. Are we finally gonna get an explanation for what this means?

-...correct me if I’m wrong, is this the first time we learned that Shanks is the last of the emperors? Because if so, Jesus take the wheel.

-Five and a half billion berries. Lads, we’ve officially hit the power ceiling of this world. At least until someone finally surpasses it...

[ohshanksno]

Do you ever wonder if Ace is boasting to Rogue about Luffy?

hell to the fuck yea

Ace: “Ok so mum guess what guess what–”

Rouge: “yes?”

Ace: “so there’s this fucking kid and he’s the sweetest thing ever–”

Ace: “he’s a piece of shit”

Ace: “but i fuckin love him”

Ace: “i’d go to hell for him mom u dont understand”

Ace: “here i’ll even show u what the fuck he fuckin looks like–”

-ace opens his trench coat he wore in Alabasta, which is filled with nothing but pictures of luffy and him (and some with Sabo but shh)-

Ace: “ok so this is the time he fell in a ravine–”

Rouge: “he wHAT”

Ace: “–and another time he got eaten by a tiger–”

Rouge: “jesus christ ace what the fuck is he even here???”

Ace: “Oh no he’s made of rubber”

Ace: “ANYWAYS MOM LISTEN LISTEN YOURE GONNA LOVE HIM”

Ace: “LOOK THERE HE IS KICKING SOME ZOMBIE ASS YEAH THATS MY BABY BRO”

Rouge: “i’m v concerned…he’s…so…so…”

Ace: “????”

Rouge: “tiny:”

Ace: “yeah he’s a smol cinnamon roll look at him”

Ace: “i can’t believe i’m saying this but i love him so much he’s my baby brother”

Rouge just sits there and listens to Ace ramble about his baby brother

he will go on for days and at that point Rouge just puts a hand on his shoulder and just say “Ace”

“Yeah?”

“breathe”

“…oh yeah i should do that shouldnt i”

Ace just gets so excited about his baby bro!!! He’s happy to tell his parents about him, and he just…ends up rambling about him by accident!! It’s just!!

Ace: “It’s just…I guess if he wasn’t there when Sabo died then…or when Sabo left…or if Sabo wasn’t my first friend…well, I don’t know what would’ve happened. But I know that I wouldn’t have been what I was when I was alive. He really changed me, guys. They both changed me. Taught me what it means to be…yourself, I guess. That all in the world isn’t always bad, and there’s always a light on just for you. And…if I could, I’d do it all again if it means they get to live and smile again. I’d do it a thousand times over. That’s how much they both means to me. I’d die for both of them.”

Rouge: “but ur already dead???”

Ace: “mom i was having a moment here but okay if you’re just…gonna shove that out the window then”

And that??? Really touches his dad’s heart so he ends up bawling like Franky bc that!!! was so emotional!!!

Roger: “I love this lil squirt already son i can’t wait to meet him :DDDD “

Rouge: “Wait until Garp gets up here I’m gonna have a word with him with how he treated you precious lil wonders”

You think Ace is bad??? Ask Roger about his wife and you won’t see the light of day ever again

Rouge: “holy fuck”

Roger: “wot is it sunflower”

Rouge: “HOLY SHIT THAT IS TULIA’S KID lemme fucking call her up hold on”

-picks up angel phone and dials a number-

Tulia: “yea? i was in the middle of–”

rouge: “hey baby get ur tiny angel ass over here i got some fuckin news for you. remember that kid that kicked that flamingo’s ass??? and that crocodile??? and those other ppl????”

Tulia: “yeah?????”

Rouge: “yeah that kid is ur fuckin son it was confirmed by my son”

Tulia: “wait hold up” -phone gets set down- “hEY ESMERDA YA OWN ME TWENTY BUCKS I TOLD U THAT WAS MY FUCKIN KID YOU THOUGHT I WAS LYIN”

Tulia ends up rambling with Ace about her son even though she wasn’t there for long (another story for another day) and Rouge feels a headache coming on bc of how long they ramble

Tulia: “MY BABY BOI”

Ace: “MY BABY BROTHER”

Tulia & Ace: “MONKEY D. LUFFY”

it’s a disaster in heaven for everyone tbqh

[roomshxmbles]

ok so i saw the thing with hitman dragon and i'd like to propose: luffy running into law, who's in hiding after betraying doflamingo, and agreeing to help law bring him down. cue former hitman dragon turning on the tv just in time to see his son teamed up with one of the guy's minions to take him down (and then luffy calls to say they're dating and dragon wonders where he went wrong)

dragon and garp just sitting in their pajamas, lazily flicking on the tv, like “ehhhhh i wonder what’s on tonight?” garp is like “let’s smack the news on, got a tip that something’s going down internally with that flamingo fucker” 

dragon switches to the news channel and just blaring out is “HELLO I’M MONKEY D. LUFFY AND WE’RE GOING TO TAKE DOWN DOFFY”

wait

what the fuck is this

garp leans forward and rubs his eyes. maybe his senility is finally catching up with him. dragon has strode over to the TV and just places his hands on the screen where luffy is, rocking the unit back and forth. “LUFFY WHAT THE FUCK” he screams at the television, hoping his voice can somehow transcend through the screen to drill into his son’s thick skull - wait who the fuck is that next to him? 

garp shouts indistinguishable swears as the finality dawns upon him. he joins dragon in just kneeling by the tv, yelling at the top of his lungs “THAT’S - MOTHERFUCKING - THAT’S SENGOKU’S GRANDKID - JESUS CHRIST”

after about ten minutes (the report has ended) they’re still sobbing by the television, taking it in turns to swig from a bottle of rum, collapsed on the floor. “why” yells dragon in a pained sob. where did luffy go from lovable ruffian to potential killer. “i’ll fucking murder sengoku...i’m going to run him over...i’m going to burn his office down” garp wails drunkenly. 

ace hops down the stairs with the buzzing landline in his hand. he sees the pair of them emotionally wrecked by the tv, sprawled out like they’re dying. “there’s...uh...there’s luffy on the phone for you!” 

normally they’d be at least somewhat happy to speak to the kid but both garp and dragon just stare morosely at ace like “.....” as he hands the phone over. ace walks back upstairs like what the fuck is going on???

“you take it”, dragon moans, “i’ve had enough...i can feel my hair falling out...i can hear the SWAT sirens...i gave this shit up five years ago for a reason...”

“my heart is literally packing up as we speak, dragon, if i have to listen to him i’ll probably die” garp mumbles

“GRAMPS?! DAD?! DID YOU SEE THE NEWS?!” - oh no luffy’s on speaker. there’s a husky voice saying “luffy i swear to god almighty shut up” in the background, probably luffy’s partner-in-crime - 

“ANYWAY I THOUGHT I SHOULD INTRODUCE THIS GUY TO YOU, HE’S TORAO” -”trafalgar law, can you say it right, please?”  - “AND HE’S MY BOYFRIEND!!!” 

garp and dragon just look at each other with the most soulless look in their eyes. of course. of course the worst situation had to get even worse, somehow. “bring me to life” starts playing in the background as garp just throws the phone across the room. 

[hauntingblue]

The combo of York and the seraphim is too cute... they are getting their asses handed to them by cutie pies

[animebw]

Reading One Piece: Chapters 581-582

-There’s a lot of really great stuff going on in this montage. All the pirates and navy reacting to the monumental changes on the horizon. Everyday citizens praising the Navy’s triumph because they truly believe the power structure is just. Whitebeard’s death leaving a power vacuum for opportunists to take advantage of, causing yet more chaos while everyone thinks peace has descended. The world is shifting under our feet, and everyone’s caught up in its wake.

-I’m glad Hancock is taking charge of this situation. Oda hasn’t forgotten that she’s a bad bitch who gets shit done.

-Well, shit, the worst prisoners of Impel Down are loose on the world. And of course the Navy would rather cover it up to save face than admit they screwed up and actually work to fix it. Dicks.

-Jesus Christ, Doflamingo just gets scarier every time he’s on screen. He’s clobbering Moria like it’s nothing.

-Welp. Rise and shine, Luffy. I hope you’re ready to face what’s ahead of you.

-”GET OFF! GET OFF ME!” nope he’s not ready at all oh fucking christ

-God. The despair. We’ve never seen Luffy this broken before. He’s been able to fight through every obstacle in his path, but losing Ace? That’s something he can’t defeat no matter how many new gears he unlocks.

-Oh? Luffy and Ace backstory? At long last?

-Hah, I like how Garp was relying on criminals to raise Ace in secret. Even back then, his Navy principles came second to family.

[animebw]

Reading One Piece: Chapters 554-556

-”MARCO THE PHOENIX!” BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT AT THIS POINT

-Iceberg. Vs. Volcano.

-Yo, one of Oars’ relatives! Nice!

-That, uh... that chapter was entirely splash pages. Ever single one.

-HOLY CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

-Ahahahaha, Hancock going rogue! About time!

-”Ursa Shock.” AW FUCKNUGGETS I KNOW THAT POWERSET

-JESUS OKAY DOFLAMINGO’S A FREAK

-FUCK. Killed two feet from Ace.

-Oh, Whitebeard’s pissed now. HELL YEAH.

-Oh Jesus I didn’t even realize Koby was here too

-”If you care about your family, then die an honorable death!” WELL FUCK YOU TOO SIR

-”Justice will prevail? Of course it will! Because the side of justice will be whichever side wins!” Oh... Jesus. Doflamingo’s chaotic neutral to the core.

-”But this is family! What am I supposed to do?” Fuuuuck me, Garp’s conflicted. What was their family even like all the way back then?

-”I’ll be fine! I’m made of rubber!” “WELL THE REST OF US AREN’T!” ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP LUFFY I SWEAR TO CHRIST

[roomshxmbles]

Sabo brings home koala, who's involved in revolutionary activities and Garp looks at her, looks at the gang member, looks at the ex mafia kid, and goes "why are you only attracted to criminals?? What the fuck is going on??"

dragon knows koala vaguely and because they share a common interest is all like “…okay garp i can vouch for this girl” and koala nearly cries out of happiness, sabo looking endearingly and absolutely smitten at her

ace and luffy immediately launch themselves over the dinner table at their father, screaming “what the fuck dad why is it okay for her?” “this is a thing against tattoos isn’t it”-  “LUFFY I HAVE A TATTOO RIGHT ON MY FACE THANK YOU VERY MUCH” - “this is homophobic, homophobic” and garp just roars “DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FAMILY HATE ME THAT MUCH? DO YOU ALL WANT TO SEE ME DIE OF A HEART ATTACK JESUS CHRIST”

law and marco just sigh and have to sling luffy and ace respectively over their shoulders and walk upstairs with them still flailing and screaming. koala blinks nervously and is almost crying because of how scary garp is

[roomshxmbles]

Dragons complaining to shanks about law and shanks goes "the kid met you and Garp and is still dating luffy, think you're gonna have to accept this law guy is in it for the long haul"

shanks is absolutely trying to not incite dragon’s wrath but he’s very obviously laughing into his beer. “you guys didn’t scare off pineapple kid, i doubt you’ll shake off the ex-mafia kid either - aha...ahahahahahahahahaha holy SHIT dragon your sons really know how to pick ‘em”

“...unfortunately, yeah. i will admit...he doesn’t seem...too bad...” dragon struggles with the words but then shanks hiccups and cuts him off

“HOLY SHIT - your son is sleeping with an ex-mafia dude....dragon, man....fuck...that’s rough” shanks is wiping tears that are streaming down his face, slamming a fist down on the table. “do you - d’you reckon garp would have a heart attack if he saw it? jesus christ - ahahaaa...”

dragon just turns and looks with cold dead eyes at shanks, unwanted mental images of luffy in the bedroom with that piece of shit floating through his browbeaten mind. this is the last time he ever buys the fucker a drink.