#John ward fucking hates me

[buddhistanchovies]

Rotoscoped my icon and made a sprite for her

Accidentally dropped the phone in holy water once so that’s where the icon came from

Personally I really liked the way the hair came out

[topperscumslut]

just reread my 3.5k word essay in defense of topper thornton and goddamn i kinda forgot just how bad my man got fucked over im so glad i made an entire fucking blog dedicated to him even tho i barely post about topper or obx anymore and this is basically a scream/stuilly fanpage atp ahaha topper baby they can never make me hate u

[arthur-two-sheds-jackson]

John Cleese attracting kitties to the yard with his magic guitar, 1970. A story in three pictures.

[kitscutie]

Hi, I wanted you to make a fanfic about Rafe (obx) in which he dates a pogue, he is very ashamed of her for being poor, I wanted something with a lot of anguish and maybe a happy ending?

favourite crime (rafe cameron x fem!reader)

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings: starts with smut, middle is angst, happy ending!

summary: you and rafe are dating but keeping it secret so that his family doesn't stop him from seeing you since you're a pogue. at least that's what he told you.

a/n: requests are open!

word count: 2.7k

join my taglist here.

"Fuck baby." Rafe said as he sat below you shirtless, your hips grinding down into his rhythmically. The two of you had been together for four months now. Boyfriend and girlfriend.

You were no longer just his friendly hook up whenever Ward pissed him off or Barry wouldn't give him his fix of coke, you were his.

His hands gripped your waist tightly, knuckles turning white from pleasure even when you were both still clothed from the wait down, well you both had underwear on at least.

"Get these off." He grunted, lifting you up onto your knees as you straddled him to wean your underwear down lour legs and into his pocket. He had a collection at Tanny Hill now. Not for him but as a way of keeping some of you here which was useful since you spent ninety nine percent of your nights here.

"You eager or something?" You joked knowing you were in fact the desperate one. You had been working at the Country Club all day and you could only put up with so many stuck up bitches before a tether within you snapped.

"Mhm, believe whatever you want princess." He mumbled, occupied in pulling his own boxers off. "My desperate girl." He smirked as his hand caressed your face, your own body settling down onto his as your bare skin finally met.

"You gonna get to it, or keep me waiting?" You asked, leaning down to bit the very tip of his thumb in a way that always drove him slightly crazy.

With that he chuckled, eyes darkening as he flipped you over, him now on top of you. Two of his fingers circled you clit slowly, too slowly making you more desperate than you were to begin with.

"Rafe." You whined, hips bucking in an attempt to increase the speed of his digits.

"Patience, pretty girl. I always give you what you want, huh?" You nodded in response, eyes closing as you gripped his hair when he slipped them inside with ease. You were already dripping and needy for him, he knew that. He loved it.

"Mhm, I do. So you're gonna be good for me, alright?" He once again asked, knowing you couldn't respond even if you wanted do though he enjoyed watching you squirm. "Think you've earned this?" He questioned, hand leaving you to pump at himself much quicker than he had touched you.

Your hand reached to pull his own away and towards your face, growing impatient. "Please?" You asked, giving him the eyes you knew no man could resist.

"Okay, baby." He finally gave in, lining himself up at your truly dipping entrance. This was all you had wanted all day and it was finally coming true, no longer just a figment of your day dreams.

You sighed out in both relief and pleasure as he pushed his cock into you. He pinned your hands down above you head with his own, fingers interlocked. It was subtle reassurance that no matter how wrapped up in the moment you both were it was just the two of you together.

"Fuck." He moaned, hips pushing into yours like they did each time you fucked, skilfully and measured. If Rafe was good at one thing, it was sex.

You bit your lip to contain your moans, no one was home and they never were when you came over seeing as your relationship was completely secret until he overcame the fear of what Ward would say.

He despised Pogues, as did Rafe but you slowly came to learn it wasn't the general idea of Pogues it was specific ones like John B and his friends, mostly JJ.

Rafe didn't hate you, he couldn't even if he tried.

"Love having you under me like this, so needy." He teased watching as tears dripped from beneath your eyelashes the harder he fucked into you. "Look so beautiful, my girl."

"I love you so much." You finally spoke though it was whispered and strained. With that Rafe knew you were close and so his skilled fingers once again found your clit drawing tight hard circles into the skin.

"Love you too baby." He grunted as he reached his own climax alongside yours. He kept going, even as he grew tired letting you ride out your high that he knew you needed.

Once it was over and you winced with sensitivity he pulled out slowly, allowing your body to adjust to the empty feeling which made you whimper just as much as being overstimulated.

He flopped onto the bed beside you, pulling you close to your chest even though the two of you were damp with sweat, hair stuck to your skin.

"You're it for me, you know that right?" He said into the silence and darkness as he gently stroked your hair.

"And you me." You responded placing a feather light kiss to his chest, even though he would never ask, that reassurance was like a weight lifted off of his shoulders.

You were his, no matter what.

The next day you left him early with a kiss to his forehead and an 'I love you' whispered into the dark room.

You had to work and though you wished you could spend every second of everyday in that room with that boy you didn't have the money to do so, you never wanted Rafe to feel pressured to support you, especially not when you were still both so young.

You had currently been at the Country Club for almost six hours when a new table came in, one which you recognised all too soon. It was Rafe joined by Kelce and Topper. You weren't sure whether or not they knew about you but you felt safe to assume Rafe wouldn't mind you introducing yourself. They wouldn't tell Ward, not if he didn't want them to.

"Hi!" You smiled, walking over with a pep in your step, happy to see your boyfriend especially after expecting to be separated all day.

"Uh, hello." Chuckled Kelce, never having encountered such a happy and forward worker at the Club. Usually it was full of moody Pogues.

You saw the red growing in Rafe's cheeks and the way his eyes refused to meet your own and yet you assumed innocently that he was simply nervous.

"I'm Y/N, Rafe's-" You cut yourself off, expecting the previously mentioned to finish your sentence though he never did. Simply glaring at you as though you were scum.

"The fuck..." Topper muttered clearly surprised. He wasn't dumb, he knew how that sentence should have ended and he also noticed that Rafe never did finish it.

"You're fucking a Pogue man? She need the money or something?" Kelce added and you felt your heart drop, eyes immediately turning glassy with tears. You were a sensitive girl, you knew that but a comment so harsh was unnecessary and it stung twice as hard when Rafe remained silent.

"I-I'm sorry...what?" You stuttered, though the three stayed silent. "Rafe?" You turned to him hoping for comfort, reassurance, anger at Kelce literally anything but you received nothing, not even a look.

"I'm sorry, what's your name again?" He asked, voice strained with what you assumed to be guilt but it didn't matter what he felt because those very wards felt like a stab to the heart, made even worse as Kelce and Topper laughed, heads flying back.

They praised him and shook his hand, impressed by his ability to be so memorable to one of his 'hookups' yet not even knowing your name back. It must've been common for them.

"Okay then." You said, pulling your apron off as the tears flowed freely. "Fuck you." You spat at the sun-kissed blonde before you walked hastily out of the Country Club, you didn't care about your job in that moment, you only cared that the one person you had ever let hold y our heart had just squished it between his fingers with no regard for you at all.

Your mind flashed through every memory of you together, trying to rationalize why this could have happened, was it you, did you do something wrong, say something wrong?

No, you concluded, this wasn't you. Rafe Cameron could never love and you were foolish to think you would be the one to change him.

Lying in your bed, head buried in one of Rafe's sweatshirts had become your new norm, your knew comfort. You hadn't spoken to him since that day which was only around seventy six hours ago but you had never gone one day without him never mind three.

You heard his car park up outside though he never ventured inside, not until now. He had a spare key and so you expected it at some point though not so soon, you thought he didn't like you, didn't love you, that it was over.

His footsteps echoed throughout the empty house, your parents at work. They matched the rhythm of your heavy heart, it felt hollow now without him there to fill it up, this was your life now, how would you cope?

The door to your room opened slowly, almost hesitantly.

"Hi baby." He whispered as he sat down beside your head, hand reaching out to stroke your head and you knew you shouldn't but you leant into his warm touch, desperate for anything.

"I uh- I'm sorry for the other day, I'm such a dick and I just panicked 'cause I didn't know how the guys would react-" He spoke but you cut him off.

"To you dating a filthy, good for nothing, gold digging Pogue right?" You said coldly and he noted that your voice lacked its usual emotion.

"That's not true," He tried but once again, you wouldn't let him lie.

"No. It is Rafe. It is true and you know it." With that you sat up to face him. Your eyes were red and puffy, your face pale and the mascara from that very day was still streaked all over your cheeks. "I know it." Your voice faltered as the tears began to flow again.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, truly I'm sorry. I know it's not okay, I know I'm stupid and that I hurt you and all I want to do is make you feel better again. I- I um, told them about you, everything from start to end. My family too. Realised I can't hide the biggest thing in my life from them. The best thing in my life." He added and you perked up at this, now intregued.

"What'd they say?" You spoke, voice still quiet from the sadness instilled within you.

"Well, Top and Kelce are sorry though I know that doesn't mean much right now. My family took it better than I thought they would, they want to meet you." He said and it was clear he was filled with relief by their responses.

"And what about you? Do you want me to be with you? To meet them? For everyone to know your with me?" You asked insecurely, hands twisting in the blanket that was over you out of anxiety.

"Fuck." He sighed, ashamed of himself, of the way he had made you feel. He pulled your head gently into his chest, choking up at the tears you released.

"I thought that was it. That we were done and that you had fucked me over yet all I could think about was you. That I loved you and had I hurt you in a way that made you do this. I just wanted you there for me, holding me." You whimpered, the hurt in your chest making it's way up your throat making you sound small and weak.

"Never baby, I meant what I said. You're my forever, my everything I wanna marry you with some big stupid fuckin' ring one day, I just- I was scared of my dad of what he might do it's not you it never was. I love you with everything within me, you're my girl 'till the day I drop dead." He said and you almost felt full again, the words that had once fuelled your nightmares being replaced by his sweet ones, stitching your broken spirit back up.

"You promise?" You asked leaning up to place a kiss on his lips.

"Promise." He replied leaning his forehead against your own.

Rafe Cameron never broke promises, especially not when it came to you.

[ilyrafe]

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅'𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 ✧ 𝒓. 𝒄.

pairing: ex-boyfriend!rafe cameron x ex-girlfriend!reader

warnings: angst

word count: 1k

“hi, rafe.”

just your voice is enough to decentralize him entirely. he didn’t expect to see you at sarah’s party, only because he didn’t know you were back to kildare.

you look beautiful as always. your hair is shorter, but that’s the only thing that has changed about you, at least, it’s what he can assume. the flower crown you’re wearing adorns your sage green dress beautifully.

“hi.” he takes a sip of his mock tail, trying to pretend he’s cool with you there, as if he knew.

“how have you been?”

“good.”

you know rafe too well. his short answers tell you he’s not at all amused by your presence, and that breaks your heart even more. he looks so handsome with a buzzcut, and it’s like he knows it.

“i guess you didn’t know i was coming.” you chuckle quite awkwardly. “sarah convinced me to come, she said it wouldn’t be an issue, but... if you want me to leave, i will.”

“i really don’t care what you do, y/n.”

you sigh, defeated. he’ll never forgive you for what you said. you thought that maybe he would have changed, or at least, understood your point, but you see that he hasn’t done either.

“okay, um... i’ll see you around, rafe.”

he watches you leave, and you’re not even pretending to be happy. he ruined your mood and he knows it. rafe sees sarah comforting you, and she shoots him a glare, making him roll his eyes and leave his spot at the bar.

he should probably leave, too.

when he turns his back and makes his way inside tanney hill, he doesn’t look back. he goes straight to his bedroom and plops down on his king sized bed. the music is muffled, thank god.

he’s been trying to make amends with sarah, even letting her come back home and be with john b in peace. sure, he doesn’t get along with the pogues, but if accepting them is what it takes for him to have the smallest sense of peace, he’ll do it.

rafe has also decided to get sober. after almost dying of an overdose, he was really scared and decided to quit. he wants to make ward proud. staying away from alcohol is a lot harder than quitting coke and marijuana, it turns out. the mock tails aren’t as enjoyable.

as if doing all that isn’t hard enough, you’re back. and with you being back, all of the feelings he’s successfully repressed are coming back up again, stronger than ever.

he hates that he’s given you this amount of power over him.

rafe never did feelings before, and the one time he did, you left him because of himself. rafe is his worst enemy.

he really loved you. well, scratch that. he never stopped loving you. you took care of him, you improved his relationship with ward and sarah. you asked him to quit drugs and selling it. you listened to him and you took none of his bullshit. you held him accountable while giving him grace.

deep down, he knows he fucked up. he wasn’t ready to grow up, but no one likes to say they’re wrong, do they?

“i just think it’s funny how you really believe this little island is an entire world for you.” you snorted. “but i know why you don’t wanna leave this shit hole. you’re a nobody outside the outer banks. there is no “kook versus pogue” once you step out of this place. you’re just another trust fund baby with drug issues to everyone else, rafe.”

he never understood your incessant need to “explore the world”, it’s so childish. you always talked about how you wanted to live in paris, toronto, tokyo, london, seoul, or berlin or whatever (honestly, you have mentioned so many cities, he has lost count), and you always said that you would be happy anywhere else, but rafe doesn’t see himself being happy far from north carolina. from kildare. from tanney hill. it’s where he comes from and where he wants to die. it’s what he knows.

a knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts. rafe huffs and rolls his eyes. when he opens the door, he comes across you.

“what do you want?” he questions, irritated.

you enter his room and close the door behind you, drowning out the noise of the music once again. you’ve missed his bedroom. his bed.

“i think... i think i owe you an apology,” you say. “i shouldn’t have been so mean to you that day, it wasn’t right.”

rafe remains quiet, sitting on his bed, just listening to you talk.

“i just… i never liked it here, and i end up projecting that onto others, and i did that to you. i’m sorry.”

in theory, hearing you apologize should be gratifying, but rafe can’t identify any sign of regret in you. it’s not that he doesn’t think your apology is insincere, it’s that the regret he wanted to see doesn’t exist. you don’t regret leaving kildare nor leaving him.

“apology accepted.”

“thank you.” you smile.

“y/n, are you happy?” he asks.

“hm?”

“are you happy there?”

your smile and small nod tells everything he didn’t want to know. you are happy. in fact, you’re happier than ever.

“i am.”

rafe has vivid memories with you, and your smile has never been so wide, your eyes have never been so bright. maybe this will take him to hell, but he hates that you’re genuinely happy away from there, especially because he isn’t happy. and if he is not happy in where he feels he belongs most, there is no place in the world that makes him happy. 

maybe happiness isn’t an option for him, and the most upsetting thing about this is that money really can’t buy happiness. not the one rafe really needs anyways.

you want to tell rafe how you’re enjoying life for the first time, how being independent is amazing, but also sucks, but it’s still amazing, how the feeling of achieving something on merit is indescribable... but rafe would never understand.

it’s funny how two people who are so similar at first are so different in the end.

“that’s all that matters to me, then.”

i love feedback! let me know your thoughts! <3

[babygorewhore]

Unholy Contrition

Rafe Cameron immediately wrote you off as some Bible thumping prude. And when his father died and left the entire fortune to him, he absentmindedly chose your father, A preacher, to speak at the funeral. But he catches something about you that reminds him of his favorite Porn Star. And he decides he’s going to corrupt you. What he doesn’t know is…you’re not as innocent as you act.

Okay guys the horny demon got me and I once again had to write about cocaine daddy because I’m addicted to him. Thank you so much to @xxhellfirebunnyxx for helping me with this and beta reading. I love you dolly.

Word count 5K!

Moodboard

Warnings! Talk of religion (duh) reader is a porn star, masks, masterbation, slight cat and mouse, choking, degrading, oral, unprotected sex! Virgin reader! Daddy kink! Kinda perv reader tbh but same. Slight breeding kink. And barely proof read I apologize.

Disclaimer: female in photos just for aesthetic purposes!!

When Rafe first saw her, it was at the annual outdoor movie where the pouges and Kooks got together. The pouges served food and drinks while he and his family sat comfortably in the front row. Topper, Kelce and himself watched JJ and Pope after their encounter. He thought they knew better than to fuck around with him and his friends. But he’d have to teach them. Burn it into their brains.

He was Rafe fucking Cameron. And they would learn their god damn place.

“Watch them.” He told Kelce and he got up. Kiera was getting a drink and this was an opportunity to assert his intent.

“Tell your boy, we know what he did.” His warning did nothing to sway her loyalty as she walked away. He smirked and then it fell when a girl was walking up to the line. It was the Preachers daughter.

He towered over her like most people but what caught his attention was the high neck shirt, covered thighs and worse. A cross on her neck and a wrap around cross bracelet around her hand. Her hair was in pig tail braids. She had doe eyes and bitten pink lips.

And she was carrying a fucking Bible. Which was a shame. She was pretty. Beautiful even. But he hated the church.

“Excuse me,” She whispered and moved past him. He had an urge to snatch it out of her hands and throw it. But he had more important things to do.

“Yeah; go ahead Jesus freak.” He hissed, bending down to say it to her ear. Her eyes widened and her brows pulled together.

“I-“

But he walked off. He wasn’t going to waste him time when he had two pouges asses to kick.

Your dad gave funeral talks all the time but now you were weirdly excited to go. Not that you were excited about Ward’s death but more about who’s attending. Rafe Cameron would be there and you actually thanked god for it. It wasn’t that you didn’t have your own belief system but the entire restriction? Fuck no.

But for the sake of your poor older father, you kept up the good girl facade. It was easy really. Keep everything simple, light pastel clothes while hiding what was underneath. Your nickname was Kitty from the cat ear beanie you had since you were a teenager. But your dad had a variety of nicknames for you.

All of them were gentle. Pure.

You adjusted your white lace turtleneck before your hands settled on your ankle length pink skirt. The very sight was way out of your true style but it would do for the service. Your white socks and black Mary Jane’s. Your cross bracelet, and necklace was a little overkill.

But no one knew how you used the cross in secret on your only fans.

The black thong you were wearing was already growing wet as you stood next to your father waiting for him to arrive. He greeted everyone with a handshake. Your eyes drifted over the crowd, mascara thick on your lashes as you subtly rose to your tiptoes. Damn, was he late to his own fathers funeral?

“Kitty, look who it is. Hello, Sarah.” You forced yourself to smile. She was crying with Topper on her arm. Apparently she and John B, Rafes arch nemesis, had broken up. For now anyway.

“Hi, Sarah, I’m so sorry…” You gave her a genuine hug and she squeezed tightly.

“Thank you, kitty.” She sniffed.

“Mr. Cameron, now that you’re here-“ You tried your best not to snap your head too directly in his direction but you slowly turned your head.

Rafe was wearing a suit and his hair was slicked back out of his eyes. Different than he had been running around a few weeks prior before he inherited the entire fortune.

He seemed…more unhinged. Something in his eyes flashed when he saw you, drank you in like a man after a day in heat. You gave him a sympathetic smile and you rolled your ankles, trying to seem smaller. More vulnerable. “Hi…Mr. Cameron. I’m so sorry for your loss…” You murmured.

His strong hand engulfed yours, his fingers long, covered in gold rings and warm. You looked into his blue eyes, shining on you and he said. “It’s still Rafe, little bunny.”

The nickname made you want to cum in your panties but you ducked your head with a blush. But you couldn’t blame him with your modest clothes and makeup. He returned to speaking with your father and you tried to keep your glances to a minimum. He was going to work for it.

The service was simple. Outdoors and you stood next to your father. You held a small Bible that was gifted to you in middle school as your cross dangled from in between your fingers. Rafe was staring at you. You could feel it but you wouldn’t give him the chance to meet your gaze yet.

You had a lollipop in your pocket. One you took out of your collection as you left your house. You always sucked on something. Your cross. Your dad wouldn’t think twice as you subtly unwrapped the paper and slowly licked a circle around the candy. Your tongue was lewd as you then pressed it passed your swollen lips.

You took another measure by your pointer and thumb pushing it back and forth and then you stuck it further…until it hit the back of your throat. Playing dumb, you gasped quietly and coughed. Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, lipstick slightly staining. You then took an opportunity to look at Rafe.

His jaw was tight and he was biting his lower lip. Blue eyes were darkening as he inhaled the process of your action. His chest moved up and down rapidly. You wanted him to know you were baiting him. But you also wanted to fuck with his mind. So you did the most reasonable thing your thoughts came up with.

You gave him a small wink.

After the funeral, he was out of your sight. But you took the extra step by linking your second account on your instagram story. You knew he would watch it.

Your obsession with Rafe Cameron started in high school. He was a few months older so he graduated sooner. But when you first saw him, hanging around other girls and guys at the private school. Disobeying rules but having enough family power to ignore them. Turned you on. His rebellion was something you craved. Your attraction only grew when you saw him one day yank a girl into a closet and you heard how good he made her feel. Granted, you hid right outside the door. You wanted to be her.

You want him to throw you around. Use you. Take you like you were only made to be his little toy. Your fantasies only grew when you followed him on social media, he was public so you had fast access.

What he didn’t know was that you used your second account. Where you wore your sluttiest clothes without showing your face. You posted stories about sexual thoughts, songs and thirst traps of your body. And he commented on every single one.

“Fuck, I wanna see your pretty face.”

“I want to fuck you. Fuck your throat. Watch you leak with my cum.”

It was an endless amount of fun. You knew he wanted you. He just didn’t know you were both versions yet. And each response you gave him, ended with a wink.

“Kitty, you look tired. Do you want to head home?” Your father asked. You nodded sheepishly. Finally, you could get home and post more on only fans. You knew he would watch as well.

“Thank you, dad. I’ll see you later.” You gave him a kiss on the cheek and started to the car.

It wasn’t an accident you parked across from him and you saw him walking in the direction. You dipped your hand into your pocket, acting like you were searching for your keys as you dropped a thin fabric on the ground. Quickly, before he could approach you, as you heard his shoes you got into the driver's seat.

Playing dumb was simply picking and choosing when you showed innocence. As you drove away, your plan cemented and you bit your lip.

Getting home and settling into your bed, you wore the lingerie Rafe always requested. Normally you charged him more, but you’d give him a treat today. You pulled out your rabbit, spitting on it and slathering it with lube. You barely needed any on your pussy as you set your phone exactly where it showed the best angle.

You wore the cross on your bracelet as you traced your clit with it. A lot of girls did this but Rafe would consider that it’s yours. Maybe he wouldn’t. The doubt would drive him crazy. Just like he drove you crazy.

He was infamous for snorting coke at parties you were never invited to and you imagined smearing it across his gums before licking them. Or his strong fingers holding you down as he did a line on your body. What you wanted most? Being pinned down as he spat on your mouth and slapped your pussy. These thoughts drove you to easily slip two fingers inside as you grind onto your hand.

“Fuck me, daddy. I need you.” You whined. You wish he was here. You wish it was his hand instead of yours.

You tried to hold back, usually taking longer for a video but you came extremely quickly. As you laid there, sweaty and still needy. You glanced at the notifications. They were repeated. Sliding on your side, exposing your bare ass, you picked up your kitten mask and read the messages.

They were all from Rafe.

He was sending money. “Please, let me see that fuckable face. I’m begging you, kitten. I need it. I need to fuck that soaking pussy. Daddy needs you.”

You had to bite your lip to keep from chuckling.

Normally, you just winked. But this time, your fingers swiped and you replied.

“Work for it, daddy.”

Rafe couldn’t get the image out of his head of you sucking the lollipop out of his fucked up head. You were the preacher's daughter for god's sake. Someone he teased for being some sort of Bible thumper and she probably didn’t even know what kinky meant. But…god she was pretty. The way she innocently batted her eyelashes at him like a bunny. That was what stuck out to him. A little bunny rabbit.

And then she winked at him. It felt so pointed. Purposeful. She also dropped a black damp thong on her way to her car. Rafe snatched it up before anyone could ever see it and he half scoffed and moaned. A creamy stain that was recent. Either she secretly touched herself or she was so wet that it soaked through and ran down her pretty legs.

The last words of the mystery girl on Only fans, who was his favorite porn star, gave him more than a wink this time. Work for it, daddy.

It made him cum all over his hand again just from her words so he couldn’t even imagine her pussy. But the doubt. The doubt was there. But she was-he clenched his fist. It was during the day and he had a second to breathe in between meetings.

Rafe typed her name on instagram.

As he suspected, it was mostly scenery shots, half faced selfies and photos with your father. A few of them you were smiling, apparently whoever took the photo made you laugh when you were at the beach. He almost swiped to another photo when he narrowed his eyes.

It was very small. He almost missed it but there was a small…handprint? Right below your swimsuit above your thigh. It had to be your hand, given the size but his mind drifted to a particular video where mystery girl spanked herself to his request. Was he being paranoid? He looked at another photo, a flashback to your graduation where John B took you to prom. And he felt at twitch in his jaw. But not before another detail caught his attention.

Underneath your bracelet. Left wrist. He saw a black mark. Not a mark, he zoomed in, careful not to like the picture.

It was a tattoo.

He couldn’t see what it was but his eyes widened. Mystery girl also had a tattoo there.

But you couldn’t possibly have one. Not the preachers daughter. Weren’t they forbidden or some shit? It was starting to drive him insane when his alarm went off.

“Fuck.” He muttered to himself and clicked the button. Turning his screen black. It couldn’t be you. Not this innocent girl who called him Mr. Cameron. But what if it was? He’d have to find out for himself. Anyway he needed to.

And here he was. At fucking church. He couldn’t remember a time he was here other than his dads funeral. Your dad was on the stage, flipping through a book he assumed was the Bible when he looked up.

“Mr. Cameron. What a pleasant surprise. Kitty, guess who’s here!”

He tried to keep his expression neutral as you came from a door on the left side. You wore a long light colored dress right above your ankle with the same shoes as the funeral. Your hair was in two braids with a kitten beanie, in this weather? And you still wore your two crosses.

But you were so pretty. Prettier than last time if it was possible. You gave him a small smile, ducking your head. “Hi, Mr. Cameron.”

He neared you both, trying to think of a way to subtly touch you without catching the attention of your father.

“Rafe. Um. I just wanted to stop by. Say thanks for the service. It-helped. Especially with Sarah. She’s all emotional and shit.” He quickly glanced at your dad. “Sorry.”

“No need. Freedom of speech is a gift. But you don’t need to thank me. It was Kitty who told me about him as well. So I could make it personalized.”

Rafe swore your eyes flashed. Just for a second. So he pushed. “You did? You friends with Sarah or something?”

You twirled your hair, apparently sucking on some sort of candy. When you opened your mouth, your tongue was red. “Yeah! We talk sometimes. I just wanted to help, you know?” You started sniffing. “I can’t imagine losing my dad.”

“Oh, honey…”

Rafe cleared his throat. Desperate to get you alone. “Hey-can I talk to you? Just for a minute, I wanted to ask you something.” He eyed you carefully and you nodded. Your dad didn’t seem suspicious. Which made his doubt increase.

Maybe the wink was a fluke. A nervous habit? Or maybe you did that to everyone.

You both stepped away, slowly walking down the aisle. He felt uncomfortable, wearing a suit when he wanted to feel loose. It was too constricting. You played the cross on your bracelet. He raked his brain for something or someway to look at your arm. He had to prove that you didn’t have a tattoo and he was just crazy.

“So, what did I want to talk about?” You prompt him and he clears his throat.

“I’m-“ Oh, no. What could he possibly say? “I’m trying to be more spiritual. You know, with my dad dead. I just want to have hope, you know? That I’ll see him again someday. I would ask your dad but you know. You’re more my age-“

“Oh, Rafe. You don’t have to explain yourself. Do you want me to help you? I can just…go over scriptures with you. Meet with you here. Doesn’t have to be complicated.” The way you said his name made him feel insane.

You had a tilt to your voice. The way you said the word. You didn’t sound like a little mouse for an instant. You sounded-confident. And then it quickly disappeared as your eyes flicked away. “Only if you want, I mean if you don’t, I understand-“

“No, I’d love that. And I also wanted to apologize for what I said. A while back.” This was the most awkward conversation he’d ever had in his life. You started twirling the end of your hair with a painted fingernail.

He squinted, trying to see any sort of ink. Nothing. He was right. And now he was stuck with some sort of scripture offer. “I-“ and then you stretched.

Your arms over your head and he didn’t know where not to look. Your tits were lifted, your neck exposed and then he saw your sleeve lift.

It was a black butterfly tattoo. It was medium sized. Pretty. And then he saw a few more peeking on yiur skin. Mystery girl had the same tattoo but it looked like you had more. Rafe snatched an opportunity.

“I like your tattoo.” He complimented. Hoping to get some sort of answer.

“Oh, thank you. The first one is from a while ago but the rest are new. Dad doesn’t approve but I promised to keep them covered up.” The candy you were sucking on. You rolled it around in your mouth and Rafe was bouncing with some sort of frazzled energy.

“What do you do? Outside of church?”

“I make jewelry. My own business. Sarah actually bought a few things. It’s obviously not Cameron level but I do pretty well.” A blush reddened your cheeks. Jewelry making? Damn. He didn’t have a fucking clue. But why did you wink?

He was going to lose his mind.

“That’s cool. I’ll have to-“He checked the time. He stopped here before going to the building for work.

“I have to get going. But I’m glad we talked. And I’m sorry again.”

“It’s okay, Rafe. I understand. Besides, I was still in high school and I was a little awkward.” You giggled behind a hand. Your smile was adorable and he had an urge to cup your face.

What was he doing? What was this end goal?

“Yeah, me too. Um-“

“Here,” You brought out your phone and opened the number key. “Just put your number in here and I’ll let you know when we can get started if you still want to!” She chirped as he quickly typed in his number.

Her phone in his hand was so small and he felt a twitch in his crotch. Her camera roll. It could be so easy. Just a Quick Look. Just to see. Just to be sure. But to his surprise, you took it back before he had a chance.

“It was nice to see you,” You nodded with a smile.

“Yeah! You too.” He said quietly and watched you walk away. His mind was even more fucked.

Who were you? Or who was the mystery girl? For once in his life, he did consider praying for an answer.

Getting more tattoos at the same time he showed up at church wasn’t planned but it worked out exactly to your favor as you shut your room door with your hip and set your bag down. But you saw the wheels turning in his head. He was taking the bait and you smirked. This was almost too easy. Trapping him. But he was so desperate.

You needed to spark something in him, either get him to ask directly or get him to cave.

Adjusting your hair in your car mirror, you scanned your white dress for any stains. The small flowers decorating the fabric and your cross on your body. But this time you wore a pair of boots that your father nearly had a heart attack with. They were completely different than you normally wore. But you needed more proof that you were his favorite little bunny.

The church loitered with a few people, as they normally did after a Sunday service. Your knee bounced as you waited for Rafe as you sat in the front. You had a few scriptures in mind, ones to stir him and you knew he’d never imagine were in the Bible.

“Sorry, I kept you waiting.” His raspy voice caught you by the surprise but you slowly turned and looked up at him.

Rafe wasn’t in his suit today, instead his casual clothes but there was nothing casual about the way he was staring at you. His eyes were on fire. Full of desire and confusion.

“Oh! That’s okay, Rafe! I wasn’t waiting long! Please sit,” you scooted over and he seated next to you. His knee against yours. You didn’t move it.

“So, you want to hear a few scriptures, or I can pray for you, which would you prefer?” You spread your legs a little and Rafe swallowed. His jaw clenched.

“Uh-I-i don’t think I’ve ever prayed before. So the Bible is fine. I just want to make peace, you know. With my dad. But I have another problem.” You raise an eyebrow.

“There’s someone I really want. And I know it’s…against the lord of whatever. And I need some help. What should l do? How do I resist it like you?” His question hung in the air and your chest tightened. You were so tempted to tell him but that’s not what you wanted.

“Well. I just listen to what the Bible says about that. It keeps me strong. What it says is clear.” You nodded. You opened the book on your lap, “1st John 1:9 ‘if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness’” you looked at him.

“So, if you confess, God will help you.”

Rafe bit his lip and leaned in closer. “This girl. She’s a fucking porn star,” he growls. “And she wears a little kitten mask and she fucks herself all nice and obedient for me. But the problem is she teases me like a brat. She never shows her face even though I give her more money than she’s ever seen. She’s her fathers only child but she calls me daddy. And had the nerve to tell me to work for it. She fucks her cross on her pussy when she knows damn well I could do it better. But she hides. Hides behind this little innocent act with the holy Bible and looks at me with eyes that make me want to rob every single innocence away from her and expose her for the whore she is. And baby, I think it’s you.”

Your core was dripping on the bench. You were almost shaking with want and you almost had to look away from him. You felt exposed. He did figure it out. You weren’t quite prepared as you thought with his reaction. Despite your activity behind your close door, you hadn’t fucked anyone all the way. Making out with friends at sleepovers was as far as you got in real life. Your obsession with Rafe made you wait. You always knew he’d be yours. And you made it happen.

“I-“ he held a finger against your lips, cutting you off.

“No, no, no, see you’ve fucked around with me a little too long, little girl. Now, I get to show you exactly how big of a mistake that was. So, you’re going to go home and think long and hard about what’s going to happen next. For once, I think your God isn’t going to protect you from me.” Rafe pulled away and stood.

“How does it feel to be left high and dry? And by the way, nice tattoos.” And then he winked at you.

You gasped as he walked away.

Your thighs were growing damp from the leaking arousal and you were breathing heavily. Holy shit. It worked. You bit your lip as you pulled out your phone.

He had texted you. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

When you got home, your dad was out. He was gathering his sermon scriptures and then to spend time with his small circle of friends. You told him you didn’t feel well enough to go. Your mask was secure on your face as you took photos in your bra and panties.

You planned on making more content but it was getting harder because you wanted Rafe so badly. You wanted him to fuck the brat right out of you, making all your dreams come true from his earlier talk. Pouting, you started going through tik tok, laying on your stomach. But then a noise caught your attention. Sitting up, you went to grab your robe when your door was bashed open.

Eyes wide, you see Rafe walk towards you, with a sadistic smirk on his face. He tilted his head, trailing his blue irises over your body, your naked knees pressing together.

“Hey kitty.” He said, stalking towards you. Rafe kneeled on your bed before grabbing your ankles. You shrieked as he dragged you towards him and loomed over you. “The mask was a really nice touch, baby.” Rafe glanced at the cross on your neck after he tore off your mask and threw it. He pulled it, tugging you up.

His breath hit your mouth. “You want to be my slut? All those fucking videos for me. Making me crazy. Making me doubt myself. You’re gonna regret it. Open your fucking mouth.”

You immediately obeyed and Rafe spit inside. He grabbed your jaw and closed it.

“What’s wrong? What happened to that little brat? Aw, she’s done isn’t she? Fuck, and I haven’t even done anything.” He tapped your cheek harshly. You felt his silver rings against your skin.

You were trembling but you grabbed his face and smashed your lips together. You tried sitting up but Rafe would have nothing less than submission as he pinned your hands above your head and dominated his tongue in your mouth. He kissed you with brutal force and you almost came just from that. All these years and it was better than you could have ever imagined.

He ripped away and wrapped his hands around your throat. “Tell me you’re going to be good.”

Your air was cutting off and you nodded rapidly. “I’ll be good.”

“Say I’m sorry, daddy. I’m sorry for making me have to search for answers. And finally break into your fucking house.” Rafe snarled and tightened his grip. You could feel him hardened above you.

He shoved his hand inside your underwear, grazing your soaking pussy. His two fingers rubbed your clit but with too light pressure. Your eyes rolled back as your stomach tightened.

“You’re so pathetic. Gonna cum and I haven’t even fucked you yet. You’re a fucking virgin, aren’t you? A little whore but you’ve never done this with anyone but your own tiny fingers.” Rafe lent down and hovered over your mouth that was parted.

He pulled his hand away and you whined. “No, please, I’m sorry daddy. I’m sorry for doing all this-“

“I’m sorry daddy,” Rafe mocked you, his fingers shoving inside your greedy entrance. “I’m sorry daddy that I’m a dripping whore and I need the Bible to get you to fuck me.” He started chuckling as you grew noisier. “Come on, you can do better than that.”

“I’m-“ He stopped and you almost screamed. “I’m so sorry, daddy. I’m a stupid dripping whore but I want you so bad. You can do whatever you want to me. I’ll take anything but please stop teasing-“

Rafe broke then, his hand removed from your neck and you sucked in air. His mouth slammed against yours as he ripped your underwear off, and fumbled with his belt. He slid down, kneeling on the floor as he spread your legs. Your glistening cunt made his eyes darken. “You’re so fucking wet for this.”

His tongue lapped at your clit, circling it around the bud before he licked the underside with pressure. You mewled and clawed the bed as he devoured you. Rafe’s tongue slipped inside you with ease as you clenched. You were so close it was painful. But he was relentless. Slowing when you were just about to reach your peak.

“Daddy, please make me cum.” You cried out, tears pricking your eyes. “I’m sorry, but please daddy.”

Rafe stopped and yanked off his pants and boxers. His heavy leaking dick was bigger than you thought as he wasted no time running it down your pussy. “This may hurt a little,” He warned before slamming in. “But you can fucking take it.”

Your nails clawed his back as he thrusted again. You moaned so loudly it surprised you but he met you in volume. “Fuck, daddy!” You said against his ear.

“Are you going to behave?” Rafe grunted as he crudely started massaging your clit. “Are you going to behave from now on?”

Your vision went white as your stomach tightened, “yes I promise,” You whispered before your pleasure exploded.

Rafe did too, his movements stalled as you felt him empty inside you, and your damp forehead rested against his.

“Maybe I fucked a baby in you, kitten.” Rafe sneered with a fucked out look. He was still inside you. “Looks like you corrupted me to your religion.” He smirked before pulling out.

“So…” You cleared your throat and looked at him with a small amount of vulnerability. “What does this mean? Is this it?”

Rafe inhaled and his fingers went to grip your jaw. His powerful face above you sent chills down your naked spine. “If you think you’re anything else but mine, then you’re a dumb little bunny. No one will ever touch you but me. Be with you but me. And besides,” He grinned wickedly. “Your dad already likes me.”

Tagging

@imyourdaninow @drewstarkeyslut @ifeeltoofuckingmuch @slvt4jamesmarch @reidsbtch @lesservillain @take-everything-you-can @emsgoodthinkin @imyourdaninow

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

The Princess and The Pogue | J. M.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: Your daughter comes home from school telling you about a local OBX fairytale. It turns out it’s about you and your husband.

Listen to But Daddy I Love Him for full experience

Requested by @idontevenknowbsblog

A/N: This turned out way longer and more angsty than I had anticipated but I’m a sucker for the angst. I just can’t help it. I’m sorry this took me a million years to finish!

As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.

Warnings: allusions to domestic abuse, controlling parents, forced engagement, so much fucking angst, only kinda proofread

Word Count: 3.5k

~

Your daughter’s tiny feet press against the back of your seat as you head home after picking her up from school.

“Mia, stop kicking,” You laugh, “Mommy’s trying to drive.”

“Sorry, Mommy.” Your daughter giggles. “I’m just so happy today!”

“I’m so glad you're happy, Baby.” You smile at the five year old in the rearview mirror. “What did you do at school today?”

“We got to draw all our shapes today and we sang the alphabet song a bunch of times!”

“Ooh sounds like a fun day.”

She claps excitedly. “Oh and Kylie’s older sister told us a fairytale at recess!”

“A fairytale? Very cool. What was it about?”

“Did you know a princess used to live here? A long time ago. She ran away with a pogue because her evil king father wouldn’t let them be together.”

Your eyes widen at her words, a small smile forming on your face as she tells the story that takes you back to what seems like a lifetime ago.

-

“Mom, I’m headed out,” you yelled through the foyer.

“Ok, hun.” Your mom poked her head over the stairwell. “Just don’t stay out too late. We have that business lunch with the Cameron’s tomorrow and it’s very important that you be there.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” you promise, “besides I’m just going to hang out with Sarah.”

“We just love that you and Ward Cameron’s daughter are friends. It looks so good for your father’s business for the families to be close. Especially with you set to inherit the company someday.”

With Ward Cameron being the biggest real estate developer in the Outer Banks and your dad owning the biggest construction company, the two men worked closely on most of their deals. They were also the closest thing to friends that either of the men had. The two richest men in the island made for a powerful team.

“Glad I can help you keep up appearances,” you muttered under your breath.

“What was that, hun?”

“Always happy to help the family.” You gave your mother a forced smile and made your escape, slipping outside and into Sarah’s waiting car.

“Ready to go see your man?” She grins at you and you return the gesture.

“God, yes.“

-

You hadn’t expected to fall in love with JJ Maybank. Considering the very different lives the two of you led it was surprising the two of you ever even crossed paths, but that was one of the perks of being Sarah’s friend. When she fell in love with John B and got involved with the pogues she dragged you along with her.

It wasn’t like you had anything against the pogues. In fact, you had admired them from afar your whole life. Their freedom and adventures were something you envied, forever stuck in your kook bubble. You didn’t have a choice but to follow the plan your parents had created for you.

JJ, on the other hand, hated kooks with a passion. He had a hard enough time with Sarah joining the group and when she brought you in, arguably the even bigger kook princess with the even bigger kook king of a father, he vowed to himself he would never accept you. After all, you represented everything he hated, the life he always dreamed of but would never attain.

He would sneer and call you “princess”, his voice dripping with disdain, doing everything in his power to piss you off, but you didn’t mind. You loved his passion and the way he would do anything to protect the people he cared about. You ignored his insults, treating him just as well as you would anyone else.

Before he knew it, your soft words and beaming smile had softened JJ. He began to actually look forward to your presence in the group, feeling sad when you couldn’t get away from your parents to spend time with them. Then, one day the two of you were the only ones to show up to a pogue hang out. You ended up spending hours just talking and getting to know each other. The rest was history and you had been together from that day forward.

Unfortunately, you knew that your parents would never let you spend time around a pogue, let alone be in a relationship with one. So, like Sarah and John B, you and JJ had to keep your relationship hidden. Thanks to the help of the pogues, the two of you had been successfully seeing each other behind your parents’ backs for over a year.

-

“I’ll be back to pick you up at 8:00,” Sarah reminds you. She pulls up to the little cove where you and JJ liked to meet. “We only have a couple of hours tonight because of that lunch tomorrow. Don’t want our families to get suspicious.”

You nod. “Got it. I’ll see you then.” You slip out of her car. “Tell John B I said hi.”

“Will do.”

She pulls away as you make your way around the rocks hiding the entrance to your spot.

“Hi, princess.” Your boyfriend grins at you in the orange light of the sunset, pulling you into a hug.

“JJ,” You breathe him in, soaking up the comfort he gives you. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby. Four days without you is four days too much.” JJ leads you over to the blanket on the sand, sitting back so you can settle between his legs.

“I know. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get away much this week. My parents are going crazy about this lunch tomorrow.”

“Aren’t they always crazy?” JJ jokes, poking your side. You squirm a little bit, trying to escape his prodding.

“I mean, yeah. They’re just extra crazy this week.” You settle further into his chest, JJ giving up his attack in exchange for wrapping his arms securely around you. He nuzzles his head into the side of your neck. “But, it’s okay because at least we have right now.”

“How long do we have until Sarah comes back to pick you up?”

You let out a sigh. “Two hours.”

“That’s it? Damn.”

“I’m sorry, J.” You look back apologetically, but he just shakes his head.

“Hey, don’t apologize. We just have to make the most of the time we have, like usual. It won’t be like this forever.”

“Right.” You give him a small smile, turning back to face the sunset before he can see the doubt in your eyes. You hoped JJ was right, but you had no idea how things would ever change.

As expected, your time together flew by too quickly and before you knew it Sarah was back to take you home.

JJ was reluctant to let you out of his embrace. “We’re still on for tomorrow night, right? After you finish up with all your kook business?”

“Of course, baby. I wouldn’t miss it.” You give him one last goodbye kiss, distracting him long enough to slip out from his arms. He pouts, but lets you go, knowing if it was your choice you would never leave.

-

You stare numbly at the wall, unable to will yourself to move from your position balled up on the bed. You aren’t sure how long you've been laying there looking at nothing. You didn’t feel anything, having cried out all your tears hours ago. A buzzing sounds from the other side of the room, your phone going off once again, but you don’t pick it up. It’s probably Sarah calling again to see if you’re okay after what happened at lunch. You’re not.

Having sat in silence for so long, you jump when you hear a rattling at your window. It takes you a minute to clamber over to the window with the lights out in your room. You hadn’t realized how dark it had become outside.

You peek out warily, trying to determine the source of the noise. “Shit.” You mumble under your breath as you realize JJ is perched in the tree closest to your room.

You unlatch the door so he can climb inside, turning away from him quickly. You’re thankful for the darkness in that moment as you scramble to make yourself look presentable, flattening your hair and wiping at your face. You pull down the sleeves of the massive sweatshirt you’re wearing, one you stole from JJ months ago, making sure you are completely covered.

“JJ, what are you doing here,” you whisper, “What if someone sees you?”

“I was worried about you. You were supposed to meet me hours ago, remember?” He sounds frustrated.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I totally forgot.” You run your hand down your face stressed. “I didn’t mean to stand you up.”

“You forgot? Y/N, I’ve been calling and texting for hours.” JJ moves closer, but you step back. “I thought something bad had happened.”

He takes another step back. Again you back away, trying to keep him from seeing your face. Brows furrowed, JJ moves towards you again. This time you can’t move away fast enough, bumping your dresser as you try to get away.

“Woah, wait.” JJ takes your face in gentle hands. “Have you been crying?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” You try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you off that easily.

“Baby, what’s going on? Is it something I did?” The worry in his eyes brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes. You shake your head, willing them not to fall.

“No, no. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Something with Sarah?” You shake your head again.

“Your parents?” That stills you. “It is your parents. What is it? Did something happen at lunch?”

You don’t answer.

“Talk to me, baby. I can’t make it better if I don’t know what’s wrong.” JJ’s voice is so sincere and his touch so soft. He really thinks he’ll be able to fix whatever the problem is.

You gather your strength and gently pull away from him, not wanting to see the look in his eyes when you tell him.

“My father and Ward Cameron have decided that it is in the best interest of their respective businesses for our families to be officially joined.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

You feel like you're going to be sick, but you force the words out anyway. “I am set to be married to Rafe Cameron.” You keep your eyes on the floor, waiting for JJ’s response. He stays silent.

“I had no idea they had this planned until my parent’s announced it at lunch.”

“What do you mean you’re marrying Rafe Cameron?” He tries to keep his voice calm. But you can hear the venom behind his words anyway. “You can’t just marry Rafe.”

“I don’t have a choice, JJ. They practically signed my ownership papers over to Rafe right there.”

JJ is pacing your room now, hands constantly running through his hair. “He can’t just do that. You’re an adult, Y/N. Tell him no.”

“I can’t tell him no JJ.” He stops in front of you, the look on his face half shock half anger.

“What are you talking about? You can’t just tell me that your father is marrying you off to Rafe and not even try to fight him on it.” You turn from his intense gaze, unable to handle it any longer.

‘Y/N-” JJ reaches for your arm to turn you around and you flinch back hissing in pain. Your sleeve rides up, revealing a number of dark bruises.

“I tried talking him out of it, JJ. He made it clear saying no wasn’t an option.”

JJ seethes, body tense with anger. “He hurt you.” It’s not a question which is just as well because you have no response.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He growls.

You lay your palms flat against his chest. “No, you’re not. We can’t make this situation any worse than it already is.”

“He can’t just get away with this!” JJ’s voice rises with his anger and you shush him quickly, looking back at your door.

“Please, Y/N.” His voice cracks on your name. “Things can’t just end like this.”

The pain in his words breaks your heart. You let the tears fall freely, unable to hold back the emotion any longer.

“I’m so sorry, JJ.” He cradles your face in his hands like he did at the beginning of the night. “There’s nothing either of us can do to change this.” JJ brushes his thumbs against your cheeks, brushing at the tears. “You should go.”

“No, Y/N.” He has tears running down his face too. “I can’t leave you like this.”

“Please, JJ. You have to go before something wakes him up. I don’t know what he’ll do if he finds you here.”

JJ’s eyes flit down to your wrists, taking in the bruises once more before he nods slowly. He won’t be the reason your father hurts you again. You lips press against his slowly, both of you pouring all the love you have for each other into the kiss.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

“I love you, too. Always.”

With those last words, he slips back out your window, closing it quietly behind him. You watch as he climbs back down the tree and crosses the property. As he finally fades out of blue, you sink down to your floor, your knees unable to hold the weight of your body as it’s wracked with sobs.

-

You don’t leave your room for days. All you can do is lay in your bed and cry, mourning the loss of the man you love and the life you had planned.

If it was up to you, you would never leave that room. Unfortunately, your parents have other plans. They parade you and Rafe all over town, making sure everyone on the island knows the two of you are “madly in love” and engaged to be married in the spring. The whole pageantry of it makes you sick.

The cherry on top of the whole ordeal is the engagement party that you parents planned for the weekend. They rented out the whole club and invited every kook on the island. You’re pretty sure it’s your own personal hell.

Sarah pins one last curl to your head. “Done. You look beautiful.”

You give her a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks, Sarah.” You were dressed in a white sundress that your mother had bought for the party and Sarah had done your hair and makeup to perfection. The whole look was stunning, but you just feel like a trophy being shown off.

Sarah gives you a sympathetic look. “You ready for this?”

“No. But I have to be.”

It takes everything in you to keep a smile pasted on your face as Rafe takes your hand and leads you out to the throng of people. Everyone smiles and hugs you, offering their congratulations. You do your best to seem gracious and excited, but all you feel is emptiness and the faces move before you in a blur.

You make it two hours into the party before you can’t take it any longer. The panic that has been creeping up your throat all night takes hold and you have to break away. You excuse yourself from Rafe, claiming a need to run to the bathroom. He gives you a harsh look and makes you promise to hurry back, but ultimately lets you go.

You hurry away from prying eyes, not letting yourself break until you get inside. Chest heaving, you gulp down air like you’ve just run a marathon. One of your hands is pressed against your chest, the other braced against the walls to hold you up as you stumble towards the bathroom.

Before you can make it more than a few feet an arm catches you around the waist, pulling you into an alcove you had never noticed. You stumble back, trying to pull yourself together, not wanting whoever grabbed you to see your harried state.

“Hey, hey. It’s just me.”

Familiar hands rub up and down your arms, grounding you. You look up to see the blue eyes that you love so much.

“JJ,” you whisper, breaths still coming fast and hard.

“It’s okay, baby. Just breathe.”

JJ holds you close as you will your body to calm, feeling safe for the first time all night.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you, talk to you.”

You sigh, looking at him with sad eyes. “As happy as I am that you’re here, you have to go. If anyone sees you. My father, or Rafe-”

“What if you didn’t have to worry about them anymore?”

“JJ, we’ve been over this. I can’t break this engageme-”

“What if we just left? You and me. Right now.” His eyes bore into yours, willing you to see the possibility.

You can’t act like you haven’t had the same thought yourself, but you just didn’t see how it would be possible. “How would that work, JJ? My father controls my whole life. My money, my future, everything.”

“You don’t need anything he has to give you, Y/N.” His voice is pleading.

“JJ…”

“We can figure it out. You have a degree, I have experience. We’ll get jobs. We’ll make it work.” He reaches a hand into his pocket. “I know I can’t give you a life like this-”

“I don’t want a life like this.”

“-but I will do everything in my power to give you a good life, to make you happy.” He holds up a simple, beautiful band of silver. “Will you marry me?”

You stare up at him with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Say you’ll marry me. We can leave right now. I have a plan to get us off the island. Your parents won’t know until it’s too late. Just say yes, please.”

“Yes, yes.” You nod vigorously. “I’ll marry you.”

You rip off the gaudy ring currently on your hand and JJ replaces it with the silver band. He kisses you so deeply you think you see stars.

“I love you, JJ Maybank,” you whisper when you part.

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N, so much.”

You could stay in that moment forever, but you both know you don’t have time to waste. JJ begins to pull you to a side exit, but you stop him. There��s one last thing you have to do before you leave.

You find a piece of paper, scribbling out a few quick words and titling to your father.

Have fun explaining to the Cameron’s that your daughter ran off with a pogue

Y/N Y/L/N

You set the folded paper on the center table, placing Rafe’s ring next to it.

“Ready to get off this island?”

You grab JJ’s hand. “God, yes.”

-

JJ was right, the two of you figured it out. You both found jobs on the mainland and created a happy life for yourselves. You and JJ got married a few months after you ran off and Mia came along a few years later.

You had kept in touch with the pogues of course and they let you know when your father and Ward Cameron’s businesses had come crashing down, forcing the two men off the island. They had no power anymore, so eight years later you decided to move back to your home. People had gossiped at first, but they moved on to the next big thing when they realized that neither you nor JJ cared what they had to say. You wanted to be in the place where you grew up and fell in love, and you wanted Mia to be surrounded by the friends that you called your family.

Mia was just about bouncing in her seat by the time you got home. You hurried to get her out of her carseat so she could rush inside and see her dad. Friday’s were always her favorite because JJ got off work early and was already home by the time you brought her back from school.

She pulled you along by the hand as she continued on about her fairytale. “The evil king disappeared and they lived happily ever after.”

JJ scooped Mia up as the two of you entered the house, making the little girl squeal in delight.

“Daddy!”

“Who lived happily ever after, Mia-mine?” She giggled as he burrowed his face in her little belly.

“The princess and the pogue!”

JJ’s eyes met yours over Mia, giving you an intrigued look.

“Kylie’s older sister told her a fairytale at lunch about a couple that used to live on the island.” You tell him with a knowing grin.

“A fairytale? That’s awesome, baby.” JJ lowers Mia back down to her feet. “Hey, why don’t you go wash up and Mommy and I will make you a snack.”

“Okay, Daddy!” The little girl runs off happily.

You make your way to the kitchen, JJ coming up behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. “So the princess and the pogue, huh?” He smirks as you turn to face him.

“Who knew we’d become an OBX fairytale?” You reply.

“It makes sense. It doesn’t get much more ‘happily ever after’ than this. Right, princess?”

You give him a gentle kiss. “Right, pogue.”

~

Writing Masterlist

[scoobydoodean]

dean would be the most dedicated boyfriend/husband & i hate the way people talk about him like he’s a player who could “never settle down”.. please he just needs a moment of affection 🥲

People love to rewrite literally every single fucking thing that happened with the Braedens into various made up stories passed on as fact, but when Dean was with the Braedens, he treated Ben like a son. He taught him how to work on cars. He cooked Lisa and Ben breakfast every morning. He contributed to the household. They specifically wrote a scene where a pretty waitress passed her number to Dean while he was out with a neighbor and Dean disposed of it without a second thought (6.01). He didn't leave the Braedens so he could go fuck someone else. He left because his presence put Lisa and Ben in danger and then soulless Sam (who had ulterior motives) convinced him he was going to ruin their lives and probably get them murdered and his PTSD went haywire and 6.01, 6.02, 6.05, and finally 6.21 reinforced all his fears about them being hurt because of The Curse Of Loving Dean Winchester, and it left him feeling so upset and scared of them being hurt that he thought it was better for their safety if he cut ties.

Long before all that, Dean was so in love with Cassie that he told her about hunting after just a couple of months and then he was heartbroken when she rejected him and he was willing to be vulnerable enough to tell her so directly. The idea of Dean as some kind of suave playboy who could never settle down because he likes to fuck and suck too much is just ???? Like quite arguably, Dean seeks out casual sex as a substitute for the affection he wishes he could share with a life partner, but liking sex and having casual hookups isn't a crime and doesn't preclude a person from being interested in a long-term relationship and/or a stable home (something we know Dean was actively aching for at various points from episodes like 1.13, 2.20, 3.10, 5.12, 5.17). It was that he felt he couldn't have those things because of the circumstances of his life, and the narrative repeatedly reinforced that belief, and Dean eventually settled into peace with the fact that he has a family anyway despite everything!! It just isn't a traditional family. And he also gets a stable home and his own room!!! It's just underground and warded so he feels safe and cosy. People not recognizing that Dean DOES have a family and a home carry the same confusion as John in 14.13 (who also—btw—always knew that Dean wanted a home THE MOST).

JOHN My fight. It was supposed to end with me, with Yellow Eyes. But now you – you are a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you. I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family. DEAN I have a family.

HE HAS A FAMILY. It just isn't the traditional family!!! And Dean is very loyal to that family and he takes care of that family he is the hearth of the house!!!

[starboye]

pairing: rafe cameron x male reader

summary: rafe fucking ex reader but could there be something deeper

warnings: smut, cheating, cursing, slight degradation, slight daddy kink, lil angst

rafe was one of your worst exes, he was a total dick, manipulative, crazy, and a gaslighter to the max so you broke up with him and dated your beloved john b and he was way better, he was nice, full of life, and cared for you but there was something so addictive about rafe, maybe it was the way he could make you cum in seconds and the sex was amazing unlike john b who couldnt satisfy you in that way, the sex was more lack luster but you knew he meant well.

thats where right now led you, fucking yourself with your fingers in bed watching some trash porn but it wasnt enough and after doing this for about an hour you were tired, that was until your phone dinged with a notification and you couldnt believe it, it was from rafe "hey there beautiful" the text read "what do you want rafe" you quickly typed back "just wanna see how your little life is going" rafe replies and you could feel the smugness through the screen.

"thats none of your business" you reply "well hows thats dating john b thing going" rafe texts trying to rile you up "better than out relationship ever was" you text "does he fuck you the way i do" you read the text and immediately were stunned "whatever" you text "no tell me does he get all those good spots in you or do you have to finger yourself every night to get off" rafe texts "no" you reply "ill be there in 10 make sure to put on those cute underwear i like" rafe texts before hes grabbing his keys and heading over to your house.

you couldnt believe this, rafe coming over to your house to fuck you, but you could never cheat on john b like that plus you live him to much,but then again one little fucking from rafe wouldnt be that bad... right, no you werent gonna do it, you pick up your phone to text rafe not to cu- i mean come over but when you go to type it your fingers freeze not being able to do it and soon you hear rafe pull into your drive way.

you walk to the door to stop him from coming in but as soon as you open it you see rafe standing there with that stupid smug face he always has "can i come in" rafe asks with a smirk and just as youre about to deny him you trip over your words and are unable to stop him "look at you so needy" rafe says picking you up and resting your ass in his hands as he takes you too your room.

he drops you on you bed and undresses himself, his abs flexing as he does so making you even more dumb "you gonna take your stuff off or do i need to do that too" rafe says in a slightly annoyed tone but you comply and quickly take off your clothes, rafe walks up to you and pulls your legs to get you closer to him, wrapping them around his waist "you barely feel like you've had sex" rafe scoffs prodding at your hole.

you look at him with a hateful look but deep down you missed rafe, the way he would love you was unmatched, he'd buy you anything your heart desired and showered you with love, although he did some fucked up shit you knew he was a good guy deep down it was just ward that fucked him up.

"you want me to fuck you right" rafe asks and you nod shyly "you know to use your words" rafe demands "yes please fuck me" you plea locking your ankles together around rafe "okay then" rafe says before sliding into you with ease "its like i never left" rafe says starting to thrust into you "and how would john b feel about the kook he hates so much fucking his sweet boyfriend" rafe smirks grabbing your chin to force you to look him in the eyes.

"shut up you dick" you snarls "'thats' rich coming from the slut cheater" rafe replies tilting his head to the side "just- fuck... just fuck me" you say broken by moans "you know you love this cock" rafe says "it makes you feel so good and it can rub all the right spots" he continues "fuck you" you spit out "you're already doing that" rafe laughs.

you lean up to give rafe a mean look "what cant handle me" rafe says flashing a cheesy smile before leaning down to leave some hickeys on your neck "wait rafe no" you yell trying to push rafe off but you couldn't and he leaves a couple hickeys across your neck "what the fuck" you say in disbelief "now who does this hole belong to" rafe asks roughly gripping his hands into your thighs "shut up di-" and before you could finish the sentence rafe pounds into you make you moan "wrong answer" rafe says.

"now who does this belong to" rafe asks again "rafe please" you say trying to slow him down "c'mon y/n i know you know the answer" rafe grins devilishly "its all yours" you huff rolling your eyes "don't you fucking dare roll your eyes at me" rafe says smacking your ass harshly "yes daddy" you moan out before cumming on your chest "look at that, cumming untouched, i didn't think i was that good" rafe laughs at your fucked out state.

"you want it in you" rafe asks as you feel his thrusts get a little slower, rafe wanting to edge himself in your amazing hole "yes rafe i want it so much" you whimper in that voice that rafe could never resist, he'd do anything to hear that voice every morning, and with that he cums without a thought in his mind, you tightening around him to get every drop of that delicious cum making his mind become even more hazy.

"if you need me again you know my number" rafe says pulling out of you and putting on his clothes "fuck you" you say scooting further onto the bed "yeah fuck you too kid" rafe says walking out of your room and you hear him close the front door and start up his truck, you run to the window to see him off and catch him looking at your bedroom window and as soon as your eyes meet his he pulls out your driveway.

you feel asleep that night feeling guilty but well filled, you wanted to get back with rafe but should you really risk the chance of a repeating argument, rafe pushing you away because hes hurt and you walking away from him but somehow you always end up back in his bed wrapped in his arms and him telling you how he wants to grow old with you and you believe it every time thinking this time could be different but it never is, maybe you guys are better apart than together.

taglist: @mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m

[towriteloveontheirarms]

We were just talking (JJ Maybank x Routledge!Reader)

synopsis: JJ and you have seemingly hated each other for years, but what if it all escalates? And what if you get caught?

warnings: fluff, smut, making out, fingering, p in v sex, allusions to dry humping, getting caught, kinda enemies to lovers ig, afab reader

word count: 2.3k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

Dividers by me

“I dare you to sit in JJ’s lap for the rest of the night.” Kiara slowly speaks out the bet you your dare which is met by an immediate sigh from both you and JJ.

For some reason, JJ had decided to hate you, despite the other pogues loving you. You weren´t only John B´s younger sister, but theirs as well. A sentiment you returned with all the love you had in your heart. One thing about the two of you though, despite all the hate for each other, you weren´t gonna opt out on a dare.

“Oh man! Kie! Come on!” JJ said as you sat in his lap.

Kiara on the other hand only giggled as she sipped on her drink.

"Shut up, JJ. What are you afraid of? That you´ll get hard from me sitting on your lap?" You respond to his protests and sit down in his lap.

JJ looks down at you and glares at you, everyone else watching the two of you banter with knowing eyes as the game continued.

“No, I just… Never mind.” The blond sighs and leans back on the sofa, trying to touch you as little as possible.

"No, please by all means, say what you want to say. You´re with friends after all." You insist, shifting in his lap to get more comfortable, rubbing your ass against his core.

Behind you JJ grits his teeth and breathes in sharply as you do so.

“Okay, I think that´s enough.” He leans back even farther trying to push you off to the side without pushing you to the ground.

“No no no, the dare was the rest of the night.” Your friends remind him.

“Would you at least fucking sit still then?” JJ hisses into your ear.

"Sorry..." Your voice comes out breathier than hoped and is almost accompanied by a small whimper from the feeling of his length between your ass cheeks, that is only warded off by biting your lower lip.

The way he tries to push you away has his hardening length grind perfectly against you, making your heartrate accelerate and face burn ever so slightly. The eyes of the others burn into your body, adding to the very different heat of JJ´s touch as he finally just grabs your hips to keep you still in his lap. And though you usually pride yourself on being able to endure anything, this was not one of those things.

"I´m gonna go inside to get another beer?" You ask, as to not raise suspicion, but that was well too late already. I could tell by the amused glances flying your way as you stand up all but too hastily to be subtle. A murmur of affirmation runs through the small group. And then something that surprises you.

“I’ll come with you.” The blond who had just tried to get rid of your presence in his immediate proximity says.

It´s easier not to disagree with him and so you try to focus on ignoring the whispers of the others as you head inside to grab another sixpack of beer cans. However, you don´t even nearly get the chance to do so.

The door to the porch hasn´t even closed entirely, when one of JJ´s large hands grabs one of your wrists.

"JJ, w-what...?" You ask him just as breathlessly as before, though there is a tingling sensation that makes you crave more spreading from where his hand touches.

JJ pushes you against the wall, he can’t hide his obvious excitement from you as he leans in close to your ear.

“You wanna know why I didn’t want you to sit on my lap?” He whispers, though there is an undertone of uncertainty over the smartness of admitting the truth.

"Why?" Your heart beats higher at the realisation of how close his lips are. You can almost feel them on yours as you answer him in a low whisper.

“I can’t control myself around you.” JJ grabs your waist, pulling you closer to him. I can’t think of you as my friend’s little sister.”

There is a pause between the two of you, his confession settling in as you just look up into his stupidly handsome eyes. You feel like drowning in the pools of blue. So focused on the tingling feeling that this now ignites in you, you close your eyes for barely a moment. Yet it is still long enough to be surprised by the first, wet kiss to hit the skin of your neck.

"Jayj..." You gasp, threading a hand into his wild hair, not caring that it knocks the cap he was wearing to the ground in the process, while the other holds onto his biceps.

“Do you like that?” He asks you, his eyes full of lust and excitement.

JJ smiles softly feeling you run your hands through his messy hair and moves his lips across your neck before kissing your collarbone. Then he pulls away slightly looking at you. Every new open-mouthed kiss he the blond had pressed to your flushed skin, had made your brain grow hazier steadily. So, you are left to nod desperately in answer, eagerly you lean up to finally capture his lips in a passionate kiss, for the first time. A sigh falls from your mouth into the affected touch, massaging his scalp with my fingernails. JJ leans his head back and lets out a low groan of enjoyment, willingly letting you pull him further into the house. Once you got him on the nearest mattress, your lips are on each other´s without a second thought. Clawing and pulling at each other’s clothes, lips devouring each other, he slid his tongue into your mouth to explore you further and immediately gets met with your own tongue joining in a passionate dance.

“Oh, god… this is amazing” He runs his hands up your back, the feeling of your skin beneath the soft, shirt driving him crazy.

The kiss and the whimpers it pulls from his lips are instantly addictive. You can barely bring up the strength to part long enough to hum in agreement. You snake your arms around JJ´s neck to keep him close as he shifts his weight to press me further into the mattress.

“Mmm, I think we should get you out of those clothes.” He whispers into your ear as he brushes his hand up your thighs, starting a trail of fire through every nerve in your body.

"Yes. Fuck, yes." Comes your eager agreement. One of your hands already going to the bow in the back of your neck to let the shirt fall half open, exposing your breasts to the blond.

“Oh wow.” JJ breathed, he can’t believe how beautiful you are, he’s so incredibly attracted to you even though he knows he shouldn’t be.

You bite your lip at the way he gazes at you and look up at him through wide, innocent eyes. Fluttering your lashes at him. "You can touch me if you want..." You take one of his hands and coyly place it on your chest. JJ snaps out of his daydreams and chuckles softly as he feels your innocent eyes staring back at him, he knows you can’t possibly be as innocent as you seem. As you take his hand and place it to cup one of your breasts, JJ leans forward and whispers into your ear. “I’ve wanted to do this all night." He rasps as he twirls your nipples between his fingers.

Affected by his ministrations, your head falls back against with your lips slightly parted. It somehow felt so good to know that you were the only thing on his mind all night, after thinking he hated you for years. "I've wanted you for so long now. Dreamed so often about your hands on me, while you called me your good girl." Your breathing grows more unevenly as JJ's hands massage your breasts. “Have you really? God…” JJ's groans. His hands begin to wander all over your body, touching every exposed piece of skin, pulling the shirt over your head and throwing it to the side. The tiny jeans shorts go next, leaving him to paw at your panties while closed his lips around your peaked nipples, suckling at the pebbled bundles of nerves. You run your nails over his shirt, pulling it off his body just like he did to you only moments ago. Just in time to bury your fingernails in his shoulders as JJ slips a finger past the lace fabric into your fluttering walls. JJ chuckles excitedly at your gasping and moaning as he slightly shifts his weight again to grab your hips tightly and add another finger into your wet hole, keeping your quivering legs open with his lean body. However, neither of you have the patience for extended preparation left and so JJ quickly pulls down his pants and sheaths his flushed, leaking length inside of your tight cunt.

“Shit. You feel so good” You whimper, voice straining to stay quiet enough to not give you away. "You're driving me so insane right now. I've wanted to feel you like this for so long now. You have no idea."  He whispers as his left hand squeezes your thighs. The blonde leans down as he begins to thrust into you in a steady rhythm to suck even more marks into the valley between your breasts. “God, you’re amazing.” Your praise is met with a soft moan from JJ as he realized how badly you wanted him too. And as your heels dig into his lower back, he can no longer resist you, he needs you too bad.

Considering the fact that the two of you are still very high the pace his hips take on is impressively fast. Driving both of you not only closer to the edge of pleasure, but also the moans from your lips to grow louder as your mind slips into haziness. "Shhh, you gotta be quiet or the others will hear." JJ shushes you with a trembling voice, clearly struggling to keep quiet as well. But you can't help yourself and so JJ simply clamps a hand over your mouth. You are moments away from climaxing when someone barges into the room without knocking. "Yo J... What the fuck!?" John B yells when he realises what he has caught you doing.

JJ and you jump away from each other and hide under the blanket. Eyeing your admittedly very unamused looking brother with wide eyes and tightly knit eyebrows. “We were just… umm… just talking” JJ says just at the same time as you try to deflect your brother. "This is not what it looks like. I swear." You try to assure John B, clawing your hands tightly into the blanket as he paces back and forth with his hands running through his hair. "I don't even care about what you were doing, but did you have to do it in my bed?!" John B shakes as if a freezing cold shiver runs down his spine.

When you look around, you realise, that you did in fact in all the haste, land in his room. Neither you nor the blond beside you know what to say. "It's getting late, so I'm just gonna do you the favour of walking out of here and when I come back in five minutes, I want to see you decent and asleep on the couch." He runs his hands through the brown tresses one more time and then walks out of the room, with in surrender raised arms. "Yes, John B... Thank you." The two of you mumble in unison as your brother leaves.

That night, sleep does not want to claim you. Forcing you to toss and turn to the sound of Kie's even breaths and Pope’s light snoring. Thoughts circle in your head like a toy train until you finally have enough of the uncertainty. "JJ? Are you sleeping?" You whisper into the semi dark as you crawl over to him. "Not yet. What's bothering you?" His answer comes almost immediately, and he closes his arms around your middle to pull you close. "I... I kinda can't stop thinking about earlier." You sigh when you feel the warmth of his chest against your back. "What about it?" The warm breath fans over the side of your marked up neck. "What you said about not being able to see me as John B's little sister. Did you... Did you mean that just in a physical way or..." Your heart beats so loud it drones in your ear. Keeping you from being able to finish your question.

"Which way would you like it better?" JJ only asks, giving you basically no answer at all. "I think I would like it better if it would be more than a one-time thing. Actually... I know I want this to be more." You confess, voice trembling and so quiet JJ has to concentrate to hear you. An almost imperceptible sigh leaves the blond's lungs at your statement. "I want this to be more too." "Really? Do you mean that?" You turn your head back to look at him through the corner of your eyes. "I really mean it. Will you be my girlfriend?" The wide smile is audible in his voice. "Yes, of course I'll be your girlfriend." You turn your upper body some more until you are finally able to cup his face in your hands, pulling him into a kiss. Brushing your lips against his, excited and a bit uncoordinated from the angle. Neither of you is bothered by it though. On the contrary, after just a moment you feel JJ's hard cock press against your backside again. Parting from him, you look at him unbelieving yet amused. "Are you serious? Now?" You giggle. "Can't help it." JJ tries to breathily defend himself. "Kie and Pope will hear us." You express concern, though your panties begin to stick to your folds at the thought of doing something right there. "Not if you stay quiet, baby." The blond offers a simple solution by clamping a hand over your mouth once more as he begins to rut against you.

[eowynstwin]

Ahhhh.

Okay but how would price eventually find out that she thinks he's mad at her for cheating. Does she admit to it? Or does something happen to push it out.

I'm obsessed lol

cw: implied rape (referenced, not performed)

"The fuck is this?" he asks you, papers in hand.

Petition for Divorce is across the top in block letters, stark and unforgiving in black and white.

You flinch at the venom in his tone. "I just—I thought—you've been so unhappy with me, John, I..."

He rips them in half in one sharp motion, and tosses the pieces on the kitchen counter. "No."

"John, please—"

"No," he repeats. "That's the end of it."

"I cheated on you, John Price!" you snap, finally reaching the end of your tether. "I cheated on you, and you—you—you went and saw him and we haven't been saying what you did but you did it because of me and I can't take it anymore, I can't take knowing what I did to you, I can't bear it anymore—"

You're stomping your feet, raising your voice—reduced to a weeping child, and John suddenly lunges at you. You hold your hands up to ward him off but he whips his arms around you anyway. You fight him, jerking in his hold, beating your fists against his chest, but he grips you tight against his body, drags you both down, sinking to the floor and caging you in with his long legs.

"Hush," he growls, "hush. That was nothing."

"In our own house!" you wail. "Our house, John, he was here and I fucked him here and you hate me for it, please, stop—"

He turns your head with one hand and forces your face into his chest, pressing hard. "You listen to me. That was fucking nothing. Alright? You didn't do anything wrong."

You yowl into him, scratching at whatever part of him you can get your hands on.

"That's enough." He shakes you against him. "Some shitstain came into my house and took what he thought my wife owed him. Did you want to do it? Eh?"

You manage to shake your head. It smears the flow of snot and tears flowing from you like a washout across his shirt, sticky and gross. "Noooo," you sob.

You want to tell him how scared you were, every moment it had been happening. How you couldn't even believe it was happening at all; that you'd frozen so badly that the man had been able to simply do what he wanted with you. How after, you'd scrubbed yourself so hard in the shower that it left your skin raw and tender, and you hadn't been able to go into your guest room ever since.

"Then that's that," he says, rubbing his beard against your hair. "That's the end of it. You're my wife. Mine. You hear me? Mine."

[blueicequeen19]

The Storm

Warnings: loss of a loved one, grieving, drinking, drug use, rough unprotected sex

It's been six hours since we lost John B and Sarah to the tropical storm. Since Shoupe and his gang of idiots told us they didn't know anything or where they were. They couldn't find their bodies or the boat. My throat threatens to close up just thinking about it. I don't think I could cry anymore even if I wanted to. Pope and Kie were forced to return home with their parents whereas JJ stayed with me at the Chateau. I knew it was because he had no place else to go. I wouldn't return home to Luke Maybank either. So we sat on the couch and drank until we vomited. Then we drank some more. I'd never seen JJ cry and I quickly decided that I never wanted to see it again. It made our loss that much more real. That much more painful. How could we go back to our lives after this? School was supposed to start Monday. I snatched up the bottle of rum before I could think any further. I didn't want to do anything without my brother.

I look over to the snoring blonde next to me. His legs were pulled up and his feet tucked under my legs for warmth as he used the arm rest as a pillow. I was fairly certain he was drooling but I had no room to judge. I had to clean puke out of my hair earlier. I get up and wander down the hall to Bree's room. The smell of him hits me hard when I push the door open and tears immediately fill my eyes. I wanted to break something. Anything. This couldn't be happening. And what he said on the radio to Ward? That meant this shit wasn't over. Ward Cameron had to pay. I grab his comforter off his bed and shut the door behind me. I stumble down the hall and wrap myself in the comforter before dropping down on my bed for a long, much needed sleep to escape this nightmare.

I don't know how much time has passed when I finally peel my eyes open. I don't feel any better. My head is still groggy and aching and my mouth is beyond dry. I manage to pull myself up and take a shower, taking extra time to wash my hair and brush my teeth. At least I could make myself look put together even though my life was ruined. I rake my hands through my hair, stepping out of the bathroom to find JJ in the middle of changing, his bare ass on full display.

"Whoa, sorry." I immediately turned around, the image of his ass forever burned into my brain. JJ stays silent. My heart ached even more. I hated when other people were hurting, even if I was in pain myself. "Do you want pancakes?" I ask.

"No." JJ grumbles. I sigh. He needed to eat. So did I. There's more rummaging through things behind me when he suddenly brushes past me and goes into the bathroom, slamming the door in my face. I turn back to face the bedroom. I slept in his room last night, thinking it was my own. That's why he was changing in here.

I decide to make pancakes anyway and although he ignores them, I feel better having them ready when he does get hungry. The day drags on and JJ only comes inside to get more alcohol. I hide his keys for when he does run out. I liked getting fucked up as much as the next person but I knew we had to deal. We had to grieve.

It's dark when he comes inside, stumbling to stay upright. I watch from the couch as he goes to the table and looks for his keys. Next he checks the cabinets in case he missed a bottle. Then the fridge.

"Where are my keys?" JJ calls. I stay silent as I pop a handful of popcorn into my mouth. He comes back into the living room and throws his hands up. "Give me my keys."

"I don't have them." I lie. They were stuffed down in the couch beneath me.

"Yea? They just got up and walked away?" JJ demands, knocking stuff off the coffee table as he searches it too.

"Stop it." I say softly but he yanks my bowl of popcorn away and lifts my legs up like I'm sitting on them. "Stop it!" I squeal, swatting his hands away.

"I don't need you to take care of me. Give me my fucking keys!" JJ shouts.

"You can't drive like this. You've been drinking all day!"

"I don't care!" We both fall silent as we glare at each other, chests heaving with every breath.

"Fine," he finally say, tossing the bowl down on the couch with a scoff. ",don't get mad at me when I start bringing girls over because I can't leave." JJ turns and stomps off, slamming his bedroom door behind him. I plop down on the couch, running my fingers through my hair as I fight to calm my racing heart.

Sex sounded amazing. I wanted to feel anything but this. Anything but the loss of my brother. I look under the coffee table and spot the adult card game that one of us had bought. It was basically "Never Have I Ever" with prompts. Whoever ended up with the most cards, won. I open the game and start to read the cards, snorting at the filthier ones. I was bored so why the hell not?

Never have I ever had an orgy.

Given oral sex.

Messed around in a public place.

Spit in someones mouth.

I started to separate the cards by things I had and had not done. I don't even look up when I hear his door open and he sits on the opposite side of the couch from me with a grunt. He smelled better so he must’ve showered to sober up.

"Why are you laughing?" JJ asks, leaning forward and reading some of the cards in my "Have Not" pile.

"I'm playing Never Have I Ever with myself." I smirk, holding up my next card.

Never have I ever had sex with other people in the room.

I drop the card in my Have pile and his eyes nearly bug out.

"What?! When? With who?" JJ gasps dramatically.

"Uh, that movie night we had awhile back when I invited Jake."

"Wait. You had sex with all of us in the same room?"

"It wasn't really sex though. He just put it inside me. So it kind of counts." JJ hangs his head as he shakes it in an attempt to hide his blushing cheeks.

"Wow. I never would've guessed." JJ grumbles, grabbing the next unplayed card.

"What? I like sex as much as the next person." JJ ignores me as he shows me the next card.

Never have I ever woken up to someone giving me head.

"Uh, I've never had that happen to me but I've done that to someone else." I laugh and JJ smirks.

"You're missing out. All girls should wake up to their pussies being eaten." A shiver races up my spine as he draws the next card.

Never have I ever taken a nude selfie.

"Oh, easy. I have a whole folder on my phone." I shrug nonchalantly and JJ's jaw hangs open.

"Show me. For research purposes." JJ gives a fake cough and I can't help but laugh.

"Absolutely not! Those are private!" I exclaim but he laughs, pulling out his phone.

"Here, I'll show you one and you show me one. You did just see my ass earlier."

"Not by choice!" JJ scrolls through his phone for a moment before pausing to look at me.

"Okay, I've got mine. Your turn." I pick up my phone and hesiate for a moment.

"Wait, so are we doing full body. Or like topless?" I could feel the burning in my cheeks but I wasn't backing down from this. I wasn't a coward.

"Mine is full body." JJ shrugs and I nod. I find the perfect picture and meet his eyes.

"Okay, on the count of three. One. Two. Three." We both turn our phones to the other and both of our eyes practically bug out. He's nude but he's cupping himself so you can't see his dick and mine is from the back so you can see my bare ass. Still nude but nothing anyone hasn't already seen when I go swimming. We both burst out laughing over the fact that we played each other and we continued the game as he lights up a joint.

“I’ve never had one.” JJ says, hanging the card back to me.

Never have I ever had a hickie.

I gawk at him.

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yea! I always give them. I never receive them. Girls are usually too fucked out to return them.” He gives me a cocky grin. I stand, rising to the challenge.

“I’ll help you out then. Neck or chest?” I move around the table and JJ stares at me with wide eyes, mouth hanging open. I roll my eyes as I straddle his lap, tugging his shirt down below his collarbone. “Neck or chest, J?” I whisper and I feel him gulp, goosebumps appearing across his skin. A certain power comes over me as I plant a kiss on the base of his throat and he hums in approval. I trail my lips up his neck when I suddenly feel his hands squeeze my thighs.

“I-uh, I don’t know what I’ll do if you suck on my neck. It’s my sweet spot.” JJ’s voice is deeper, thick with need and causes butterflies to erupt in my belly.

“Here?” I place a kiss just below his ear and he nods once, hands tightening on my thighs. I suddenly feel his his erection pressing against me and it fueled me further. He wanted this too. I bite down on the flesh and he gasps as I suck a small spot into my mouth.

“Jesus, fuck!” JJ exclaims, hands moving to fist the back of my shirt, like he’s holding me to him. I tug hard on the back of his hair, forcing him to look up at the ceiling and he hisses as I keep marking his skin. His hips buck up into me and I moan.

“Y/N, stop before I do something I’ll regret.” JJ warns, yanking on the back of my hair but I don’t let up. I move my hand to the front of his throat and squeeze. I immediately feel his body relax into the couch but it doesn’t last long. JJ jumps to his feet, startling me as he holds me in his arms just to turn and drop me down on the couch. There’s fire burning in his eyes and a nice purple mark on his neck.

“You asked for this.” JJ growls, dropping to his knees and hauling my ass to the edge of the couch. He immediately latches on to my inner thigh where my shorts have rode up, his free hand squeezing the other one. Sparks race all the way down to my toes as my body buzzes with desire. I tear my shirt off and my bra, loving the way his eyes drink me in as he yanks off my shorts. I take his shirt off next and pull him up onto the couch. I feel him holding back, a questionable look on his face as I palm him through his shorts.

“Talk to me, J.” I breathe, kissing his jaw and his lips quiver.

“You’re my best friends sister. This is wrong.” JJ whispers, his fingers sliding through my slit and he groans when he feels how wet I am.

“Does it feel wrong?” I pop the button on his shorts and our lips finally meet. The last of his restraint dissolves and he shoves his shorts down, his body coming down on top of mine.

“I want you.” I moan as he starts to pull away again and a painful noice rumbles through him.

“I want you too.” JJ whispers between wet tongue filled kisses. I stroke his impressive length for a second and he hisses, bucking in my hand.

“Let’s just forget for a little while. I want to feel something else. I want to feel you inside me. Only that.” I squeeze him harder and he hisses, rubbing his fingers lazily over my clit and making me jerk.

“Condom?” JJ asks, caging me in with his arms as he hovers over me. I line him up with my entrance, keeping my legs spread wide. This was probably going to hurt with no prep but I wanted it to. I welcomed the pain.

“On the shot.” He doesn’t hesitate before he roughly pushes inside me. We both moan loudly.

His cock fills me so deeply, it steals my breath away. I must pinch my face up in discomfort because he starts to withdraw and gives slow strokes. I grasp his biceps, tilting my hips so he can drive even deeper. I start to relax and he begins to pick up the pace, jaw clenched the entire time as he looks from my face to between us where he's disappearing inside me.

"You're so tight." JJ bites out, hair in his eyes.

"Harder," I plead. "Don't stop." He abruptly sits back on his heels, pulling me with him as he angles upwards to hit my sweet spot. JJ groans, throwing his head back as he fucks me harder, keeping a brusing grip on my hips.

"Fuck, I'm going to cum but I'll keep going." JJ moans before picking up his speed, drilling into me hard and fast before releasing a loud moan of ecstasy. His pace doesn't slow and I feel myself cum, throwing my head back as I scream, my body shuddering as I turn to mush. He collapses on top of me, kissing me hard and passionately while continuing to snap his hips forward. I snag him bottom lip between my teeth as I feel another climax quickly approaching. JJ yanks away, only to flip me over and manhandle me onto my hands and knees. A firm hand on the back of my head shoves my face down into the cushion before he slams back inside me.

"Oh, shit." I cry, reaching behind me for something to hold on to. He pulls both my arms behind my back as he slams into me harder and harder, forcing my face down into the couch. I could feel the mess running down my thighs and I yelp when he slaps my ass hard.

"JJ!" I whine. I feel my eyes start to roll back just as he yanks me up against his chest, one hand around my throat and the other pushing down on my pelvis.

"Cum for me. I'm not stopping until you cream my cock. Let me fucking have it." JJ growls into my ear. I try to fight it but a choked scream flies out as I cum hard, soaking us both with a gush of fluid, my nails digging into his hips as tears fill my eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.

I feel him slam in hard once more then he stills with a satisfied groan before letting me drop back down on the couch to catch my breath. JJ pulls away and starts to clean up as I fight the powerful feeling of exhaustion. He appears in front of me in a pair of black boxers and scoops me into his arms with a satisfied smirk before leading us to his bedroom.

"I told you. Completely fucked out." I smile weakly with my cheek against his chest as he lays me down in his bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out.

[thecameronchronicles]

Spite

TW: Loss of virginity (female), smut. Language. Public sex. Cheating. 

SUMMARY: After learning Rafe is using you, you option to give yourself to his enemy simply out of spite…

WORD COUNT: 2300

REQUESTED:

Anonymous asked:

what if reader is a virgin and she’s dating Rafe and he’s always trying to make her lose it with him but she always says she’s not ready (but the thing is she’s not sure about him because she feels he’s hiding something) until one day she finds out he’s only dating her to take her virginity so when JJ is at her house fixing something or whatever she tells him about the whole rafe thing and asks him if he would fuck her because rafe hates him and he hates rafe and it will make him mad

OR they’re not dating but she doesn’t like him because he’s always bragging about how he’s going to be her first and the same ending

Of course you can change it as much as you like it’s just and idea 💘

Spite

You shouldn't be relieved. Believe it, you were still pissed, but you weren't able to deny the breath of ease that came when hearing him tell Topper it was just sex. The sex you refused to give him as you wanted it to be special. Even if it didn't have to be a rented out hotel room from a five star resort adorned with rose petals and champagne, you at least wanted to have that feeling of certainty you never quite had with Rafe. He was too impatient, a kiss quickly turned French and a series of hands always searching beneath your clothes. And the guilt of how patient he had been and how he had earned this had weighed you down to such a degree that you couldn't even find enjoyment for the rare moments of kindness he showed in your makeout sessions. But now, you were free in a sense. Able to allow the pressures of giving your virginity to Rafe to fall silent as you decided he wouldn't get to touch you, let alone fuck you. 

But the same couldn't be said for JJ Maybank, a hired hand by Ward, who was currently half bent over the engine of The My Druthers as it had begun sputtering. With his usual deck hand, John B, having having been established elsewhere, his trusted friend had taken his place. And it was the sight of him kissed by beads of sweat and straining as he struggled to adjust the choke as the mechanics beneath had somehow become jammed that made you bite your bottom lip. 

This was mainly because JJ Maybank had a reputation. He was the life of the party, a fighter for those he cared deepest for, and a nocturnal lover. All hours spent devoted to his partner. Care and selflessness allowing him a reputation that even if he had ended on horrid terms with the girls, they couldn't lie about how he was in bed. And you saw this even now as he became frustrated with the mechanics of the boat. Where you knew Rafe would tear the thing directly in two or maybe even shoot it, you saw JJ try to almost nurse it beneath his submission. A guide of his fingers on everything he acted on having allowed you mind to conjure them on your body... 

"Babe!" Rafe called from the patio. "You're gonna make me late!" 

"I'll meet you there." You lied, with no intention of going anywhere with him as you could barely stand to look at him let alone feign being happy as he attended yet another narcissistic event on behalf of his father. And without a care to see if he had actually left the property, you advanced towards JJ. 

"Hey there, princess. Mind handing me that?" He asked while pointing to some pliers as you obliged. You and JJ were cordial, but not extremely close. And yet, effortless, whenever a conversation would be produced between you. It happened enough times to know his preference of beer and yours of weather, but nothing deep enough to warrant the confession you were about to make. 

"I guess Rafe had a bet with Topper that he could fuck me before the end of the summer..." JJ slipped, his finger becoming jammed in some gear-type mechanism as you watched the pain absent and replaced with intrigue. 

"I guess if he did, it was a grand, and if he brought proof, it would have been twenty five hundred..." You kicked your toes softly against the side of the engine. 

"That's all my virginity is worth...Two thousand and five hundred dollars." 

"You're a..." He became nervous standing before you. Those very nerves were palpable and almost shameless as you had intrigued him, "I would have thought Rafe had-" 

"It never felt right. It always felt like he was hiding something from me...And guess now I know..." 

He slowly nodded as you saw the light tint of red forming on his hand from the unkind slid made against his skin. Giving you an idea and prompting you to act. Call it curiosity or desperation for revenge, but either way, you optioned for JJ and made these intentions known. 

"I don't want Rafe to be the one to fuck me for the first time." JJ's jaw clenched as you set his hand to your lips, a delicate kiss making his mouth part as his eyes darted to Tannyhill. 

"I want to feel good about who gets to feel me for the first time JJ...You don't have to love me or anything...I just want you to make me feel good..." 

He scoffed. "I uh..." 

"And I'll be sure he knows exactly how good you made me feel when I let him take off all of my clothes..." You pushed him back into the captain's chair as he was helpless against you. You were beautiful. Eager. And instigating every second of this. And he was a glutton for all things to do with you. Even if it was a recent revelation, he was consumed by it entirely. 

"He will get to touch me...but he'll only taste you on me...a pogue's cum staining his girlfriend's ruined mouth-" He suddenly brought you over him in a straddle. 

"This is your first time, and as pretty and dirty as that little mouth is, I'm not gonna come in it." He lifted you onto the captain's chair as he moved onto his knees, rising up to ghost your lips and descend back to the bends of his legs before he spoke. 

"I have to get you as wet as possible so if doesn't hurt-" 

"Not a problem..." You breathed as he pulled apart your suit to find you already saturated. 

"Shit, sweetheart. Is this all for me?" You nodded as he bit his bottom lip. "You been watching me all afternoon and it's gotten you all worked up, hasn't it?" You nodded again. 

"Show me. Take your time and show me so I can see just how you like to be touched..." He sat in analysis, watching you for a second before taking over. A set of fingers seemingly trained for your pleasure made circuits around your clit until submitting one to your sex itself. 

"Faster-" 

"No, sweetheart. I know you're gonna be tight and it's gonna hurt...so I need to stretch you as much as I can-" 

"But it feels so good, JJ...plesse..." 

"I will in time, baby...just get used to my fingers-" 

"Fingers?" You questioned the plural as he set a second adjacent to the first, searching for the most sensitive zone within your wall before massaging thay exclusively. 

"Ever had him go down on you?" 

"He's too fast." 

JJ smirked. "Then consider this a replacement..." He spoke with a grin before pulling your legs over his shoulders and now exchanging his fingers with his tongue. 

"So sweet." He growled, leading you closer to the edge of the chair as he led you even closer to him. You were unabashed with your moans, almost hoping wherever Rafe was he could hear how JJ made you feel. Without a need to embellish, the blonde pogue made your back arch and your legs shake in a way you'd never felt before, all while you called out for him. Nameless moans and whimpers drawing you to an edge as his tongue suddenly withdrew. 

"I want you to be as wet as you can be so I want you to come on my face. Think you can do that for me, sweetheart?" You nodded. 

"I'm close." 

"I know..." He kissed your clit softly before alternating your pleasure between his tongue and his fingers as you shook. 

"Come for me, princess...." He endorsed, that rush of a contradicting icy heat broadcast between your thighs having left you in tremors over him. But as he expected you to need a moment to recover, you stood and pushed him to the other side of the boat. Straddling over him, you dig your nails into his shoulders. 

"Put it in-" 

"Sweetheart-" 

"Fuck me, JJ. I want it to be you...Please, before I change my mind-" He was hesitant as he knew it would hurt. 

"I need some-" He explained as you took only a second to spit on his cock, handling him on perfect corkscrew motions as he moaned beneath you. Your thumb brushed over his tip to luxuriate himself in the precum you'd earned, before you climbed from him and onto your knees. 

"Leincess, I-" You took him into your mouth without a second thought. Sucking in your cheeks and producing tears immediately as you showed how you earned this discarding of your innocence. 

"How the fuck do you do that so good?!" He cursed as you grinned, a tight grip through your hair having guided you in a slow consumption of his cock to keep the pleasure but to keep him from coming prematurely. 

"You get on your knees like this for him?" 

You nodded, having done everything under the sun to keep Rafe happy but also at bay. Only to know have ventured to the far side of the moon for your own pressures. 

"He doesn't deserve that mouth...To bruise this throat..." He set you back to your feet, "And certainly not your virtue." 

"Please, JJ...I'm dripping." His fingers traced between your folds. 

"Poor little princess. You are, aren't you?" 

"Please, JJ...Please..." 

"It's going to hurt." 

"I trust you..." You were guided back over him in a straddle. 

"Slowly." He explained with one hand wrapped around your lower back and the other aligning him inside of you. 

"Slowly- '' He spoke more as a reminder for himself as you took his tip. Your mouth pulled open immediately to the stretch as he continued still. Even though he had been above average, he seemed endless until you'd felt him bottom out. But by the time he had, tears formed in your eyes from the burn of your relinquished virginity. 

"You moved me how-" He tried to offer as you set him into the back of the couch set up the side of the boat, wincing through each thrust. 

"We can stop-" 

"Dont!" You spoke desperately. "Don't...don't stop..." 

"You need to relax then princess, you're gonna make me come, you're you're tight around me." You tried to relax and when he sensed you couldn't, he would make you. With a hand to your neck, almost to cradle you, he spun you around your back, thrusts slow but more shallow as hisbhands came to your breasts. The sensation of his teeth and lips manipulating your nipple made you forget of the pain until only pleasure remained, something he noticed as he no longer heard those wincing wisps of discomfort. And yet, he still called for validation. 

"You alright, princess?" 

"Keep...go-going, JJ...please-" 

"Fuck..." He groaned, fingers eating into the fabric of the leather behind you as he had gripped it tighter as he quickened his motions. 

"I want you to come again-" 

"With me-" 

"Baby-" 

"With. Me." You spoke in finality as he nodded, head at rest into your neck and shoulder as he led you closer into him. A hand to the back of your neck and another keeping himself from crushing you and you were wrapped around him as he accelerated his speed. And even if you expected it to be swift, he would alternate from fast to slow, deep and shallow, until finally pulling your leg over his shoulder and returning it back down over his hip as he had you bent for him so he could see you entirely exposed for him. 

A hand beneath your bikini top would loosen to free and his hands would be quick to amend the chill of the sudden reveal as you groaned beneath him. 

"You feel so good...knowing I'm the first is making me need to come for you..." 

"Then come for me..." He moved deeper and harder, but kept his consistent speed as you were only able to sound in simple pleas as his sweat dripped onto your own. 

"Princess, you're gonna come, I can feel it...And I don't want you to hold back. Scream. Pull my hair. Scratch me until I bleed. I don't fucking care. Just feel good for me and let me make you come. Make me come..." 

"JJ!" You belted, drawing lines of desire into his skin before trembling as you created your edge. 

"Keep going baby, you're doing so good. Taking such good  care of me...shit!" 

"JJ!" 

"Not gonna last long, baby. You feel too good. Sound too good..." You felt him pull you even tighter. 

"Does it hurt this way?" Be asked while leading his hand to your clit. The way your expression deepened into ecstasy prompted your silent response. 

"I'm gonna come baby...you can use your hand if you don't want-" 

"I want you to drip out of me, JJ...I want to have red marks on my ass from your hand, and swollen lips from your kiss. I want you to have every part of me i have left..." 

"Then let me." He groaned, leading you both to that feverish edge until you were climbing down from that second orgasm as he'd basked in that first. But as you moved to adjust, knocking you both off of the west, a series of chuckles would silence as you straddled him on the floor. 

“You’re so beautiful…” He explained how you looked so perfect breathless and perspiring at the end of his fingertips. “But definitely worth more than twenty five hundred…and I stole every piece…”

"Do It again." 

"I'm gonna need a minute, sweetheart, you nearly sucked me dry..." 

"Nearly means you've still got something left-" You led him back between your thighs. 

"Oh fuck..." He breathed. 

"I want you to take everything JJ…everywhere…" You teased your ass with the soaked head of his cock.

"Everywhere."

"You're gonna be so sore, princess…"

"Good. I want to remember all of this…"

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @camilynn @bethoconnor @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

[bumblesimagines]

Midnight Beach

Part 4

Request: Yes or No

A lil short

~~~

The rumbling of the engine shut off once he turned the key. He held it in place while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. He could turn his car back on and drive back home. Avoid seeing Sarah Cameron, no matter how much Rafe whined about it. But he couldn't avoid her forever, and he couldn't let one girl ruin the rest of his summer by merely existing. He pulled the key out and shoved it in his pocket, using his shoulder to push open the door and hop out of his jeep. He closed the door and walked up to the glass front doors, stepping inside and searching for Rafe's familiar face.

"What are you doing here?"

Fuck.

"Where's Rafe?" (Y/N) asked without turning around to look at the girl. He didn't want to see if John B was standing beside her with a cast on his arm after Topper shoved him off an old tower. His jealousy-induced rage had only prompted a sympathetic Ward to take John B in, providing him a room at the Cameron mansion. Her flip-flops squeaked as she walked, growing closer until she brushed past him and toward the kitchen. 

"What? You two are besties now?" She questioned, opening the fridge and taking out a bottle of water. She brought the bottle to her lips and turned around, watching him curiously. After taking a sip, she continued, "I thought you hated him."

"At least he's loyal." The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. Sarah paused her movements, the bottle still pressed to her lips. Her brows lifted in surprise but she didn't bother making a retort. (Y/N) took in a deep breath, contemplating apologizing, but he spotted Rafe out of the corner of his eye dragging his dirt bike across the long driveway toward a discarded toolbox. Wordlessly, he turned his back to the blonde and walked outside, cutting through the grass and reaching the older Cameron. 

"(Y/N), my man!" Rafe grinned widely and turned off the bike. He reached out and grabbed the back of (Y/N)'s head, pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his forehead. (Y/N) grunted softly when Rafe released him, bringing a hand to his head and rubbing it. "How you been? You hear what Ward did? Bringin' that dirty Pogue into our house?"

"Yeah, I heard. Kelce called and mentioned it." (Y/N) responded, looking over the red dirt bike. Rafe opened the toolbox and crouched down by the back tire, tightening one of the bolts. 

"It's bullshit, man. That little bitch was behind it too. She begged him all night until he finally said yes like he always does. Fuckin' Sarah. Always getting away with shit." Rafe sucked his teeth and tossed the tool aside.

"She doesn't owe me anything, Rafe. If she wanted to break up-"

"Nah, man. This is your problem. You let everyone walk all over you and then you flock to their side when they get hurt. You gotta toughen up, bro. You need to get revenge for what happened. Topper said he saw her all over John B on that tower." Rafe scoffed, strands of blonde hair falling over his face when he shook his head in disgust.

"I'd say falling out of a tower and getting his arm broken was karma enough. He could've died." 

"Good. One less Pogue to worry about." Rafe murmured, looking over his bike and nodding in satisfaction. He shoved his hand in his pocket and fished out a small clear baggy with white powder inside. (Y/N) grimaced, watching Rafe pour the powder out on the bike seat in a line and motion to it. When (Y/N) shook his head, Rafe shrugged and leaned down, sniffing up the powder.

"You gonna give me a bump, big boy? Man, check out this place, though, huh? It's fancy!" Rafe's head snapped over his shoulder with widened fearful eyes. (Y/N) blinked at his reaction, looking down the driveway at the man walking toward them with a menacing smirk on his face. He looked widely out of place with shaggy black hair, a sweat-stained top, and khakis. He had a single golden grill on one tooth and a thin line of facial hair above his lips.

"Hey, Barry, Barry, Barry-" Rafe called out frantically to him, swallowing nervously and glancing toward the house in case his parents or siblings stepped out.

"It's a nice place to live!" Despite the grin on his face and casual tone, his dark eyes were filled with nothing but anger. He tilted his head to look at (Y/N) and stuck out his calloused hand. "What's your name, huh?"

"(Y/N)." He answered cautiously, taking Barry's hand and shaking it.

"(Y/N), hm? Now, you look like you'd pay on time. Unlike Country Club over here." Barry's grin turned into a sneer and Rafe stepped forward toward him, body lightly trembling. (Y/N) instinctively took a step back from the two men, gaze flickering between them and then shifting on the dots of white left over on the seat. Oh. 

Leaning in, Rafe spoke quietly, "Listen, I don't have your money, alright? You shouldn't be here right now. What are you doing? Give me till the weekend, okay? All I- all I need you to do is front me more coke. I-I got a good guy comin' over this weekend, okay? It's cool, right?" (Y/N) had never seen Rafe so.. afraid and panicked. Rafe only ever showed a cool and calm front, occasionally overtaken by anger or malice. But Barry made him look like a child, small and fearful. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... How come you got all this nice shit, though? Can you tell me that? You ain't got my money, but you got all this nice shit." Barry tapped the seat of the bike and scoffed softly, suddenly lifting his fist. Rafe immediately cowered and backed up, nearly tripping over his feet. (Y/N) stepped forward but Barry lifted a hand in his direction in warning, keeping him rooted in his spot. 

"M-Man, just chill!" Rafe tried only for Barry snatched him by the collar and dragged him toward the bike, grabbing his hand and pressing his wrist against the heated exhaust. Rafe pleaded for him to stop as his skin sizzled but his begging made Barry press his wrist harder against the metal. (Y/N) felt his throat run dry, finally moving when Barry released Rafe and shoved him back. (Y/N) got on his knees down beside Rafe, carefully grabbing his arm and looking at his reddening skin. Rafe whimpered and groaned, eyes squeezing shut in pain.

"How's that feel, baby? That's just the comin' attractions, big boy." Barry spat and turned, stepping toward the bike and grabbing the helmet. "Consider this shit right here your down payment." He turned the key and put on the helmet, swinging one leg over the bike and taking off down the driveway. 

"I fucking warned you, Rafe. I told you that shit wouldn't be worth it." (Y/N) muttered, rising onto his feet and pulling Rafe up along with him. Rafe groaned in response, leaning against him as (Y/N) took him inside. He led him toward one of the bathrooms and put down the toilet seat, having Rafe sit down on it. He turned on the faucet, checking the temperature and pulling Rafe's arm under it. Rafe whimpered loudly, stomping his foot down on the tiled floor. (Y/N) looked up at him, noticing the tears beginning to slip down his cheeks. 

"Fuck, man-"

"Rafe, Rafe, just breathe." (Y/N) stepped toward him, slipping his fingers into Rafe's hair. Rafe pressed his face against his stomach, shoulders shaking as he sobbed into his shirt. (Y/N) whispered soft reassuring comforts, raking his fingers through his blonde locks until he calmed down. Once Rafe's breathing evened, (Y/N) tilted his head back and brushed away the tear streaks. 

"Please, don't tell anyone... Don't tell my dad, please."

"I won't, Rafe. I promise, okay? I'm going to find some ointment for your arm and painkillers, alright? Stay here." (Y/N) waited for Rafe to nod and slump back against the toilet before leaving the bathroom. Stepping out into the hallway, he noticed Sarah sitting at one of the tables with her earphones in and a notebook in hand. They made brief eye contact and Sarah took out one of the earbuds, lips parting to speak but he turned away and headed up the spiral staircase. Her voice echoed through the mansion and soon he heard the sound of her footsteps following him.

"(Y/N), listen, I get why you're upset, but Liv broke up with you for the same exact reason! I don't want you to hate me." (Y/N) tried his best to tune out her voice as he walked down the hallway, entering one of the many guest bathrooms and crouching down in front of the sink cabinet. He opened it and searched through the items inside, finding some painkillers and setting them down on the sink. He sighed, seeing Sarah appear in the doorway. "I know I hurt your feelings but- what are you doing?"

"Rafe was trying to fix his bike and his arm slipped on the exhaust. He got a little burned and I just want to be careful." (Y/N) responded easily, finding the ointment for burns and standing up. He nudged the cabinet closed with his knee and took the painkillers, holding the two items in one hand and facing his ex. She pressed her hand against the doorway in an attempt to block him, huffing lightly when (Y/N) simply ducked under her arm and headed back to the staircase.

"You can't be mad forever!"

"For the record, Liv broke up with me 'cause she realized she liked girls more than guys. She didn't cheat on me with some random-" (Y/N) halted at the top of the stairs, looking down at Ward. He stared back at him with furrowed brows and a disappointed frown. Sarah's breath lightly hitched in her throat, lips pressing firmly together at the sight of her dad. Ward tilted his body, allowing (Y/N) room to pass. The teen slowly did, keeping his head bowed and quietly greeting him. He quickened his pace once he reached the bottom of the staircase and entered the bathroom, handing the pill bottle off to Rafe and gently wiping ointment on the burn. 

"(Y/N)-"

"What are you going to do, Rafe? If you haven't paid him, it means Ward cut you off. What are you... Are you gonna steal? Fake it til you make it? Deal some more?" 

"I'll do whatever I need to do. And I need you by my side."

"Absolutely not. I-I'm not getting involved with that guy!"

"(Y/N), (Y/N), I need you, okay?" Rafe stood up from the toilet seat and took the sides of his face into his hands, oddly gentle for someone who always manhandled him. Rafe stared into his eyes pleadingly and sighed softly. "You're a pacifist, you're- you're good with people. You know how to charm them, how to get them to like you. You can do the same with Barry. You can help me convince him if I'm not able to get this money." 

"Rafe, that is the stupidest shit-"

"I'll get the money, don't worry about it. But in case I don't, I need to know you'll be by my side. That you'll stay by my side. I'm not gonna fuck you over. I'm not gonna leave like your folks or Liv or Sarah. I'll be right here whenever you need me, like always. When have I ever done wrong by you? When have I ever lied or-or hurt you, huh? You can trust me. I'm your friend, 'kay? And friends have each other's backs. No matter what. Right?"

"...Right."

"I'm going to take something from my dad-"

"Rafe, what the hell-"

"Just listen to me, alright? I'll sneak into his office. He's got a safe in there with a bunch of fancy shit and money inside. I'll take a watch, we drive to a pawn shop, we get the money, and we give it to Barry. That's it." Rafe explained, releasing his face and taking in a deep breath. (Y/N) frowned, a soft mix between a whine and a groan leaving him. Rafe patted his arm and opened the bathroom door, stepping out and heading upstairs to his dad's office. (Y/N) sighed heavily and walked out of the bathroom, approaching the front doors and crossing his arms as he waited for Rafe. 

"This is so dumb." (Y/N) whispered, tapping his foot on the ground and rubbing his thumb against the ring on his pointer finger. He glanced toward the staircase every so often, waiting for Rafe to descend with whatever he'd chosen to steal. And after a few minutes, he did. With Ward in tow. 

"You got (Y/N) wrapped up in this too? Jesus, Rafe, what were you thinking?" Ward scoffed, frowning at his son who avoided his eyes. Ward held some cash in his hand, likely the money Rafe owed Barry. He sighed heavily and gently pushed Rafe toward the doors before stopping in front of (Y/N) and resting his fists against his hips. "I'm sorry, son. I-I taught my kids better than this. Their behavior is incredibly disappointing. I apologize on their behalf."

"It's alright, Mr. Cam- Ward."

"No, it's not alright. I've already spoken to Sarah and I'll speak to Rafe too. Thank you for protecting them and caring for them but in the future, I would appreciate it if you were honest with me. They're my kids. I need to know what's going on with them, alright?" (Y/N) nodded and Ward smiled, giving his arm a gentle rub and stepping outside. Ward paused for a moment and turned to look at him over his shoulder.

"Sometimes I wish you'd been my kid. God knows your parents are missing out. You're a good kid. I'm proud of you."

                    ✽        ✽       ✽       ✽       ✽       ✽

"He kicked you out? Just like that?" 

"Just like that," Rafe sighed heavily, bringing the scotch glass to his lips and drinking from it. "I told you, he'll do anything for Sarah and nothin' for me. And you know what? I'm a little hurt you don't want me staying with you in that big house." 

"I don't want coke in my house, Rafe." (Y/N) murmured, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the railing. He glanced at Kelce and Topper as Kelce teased the blonde, likely about Sarah and John B. He heard the rumble of a car pulling up at the dock and turned his head, feeling the hair on the back of his neck rise.

"I know but I promised not-" 

"Rafe Cameron! Get over here!" Barry hollered as he got out of his car. Rafe froze and turned to look at the man, sucking his teeth and setting his glass down. He nodded to Topper and made eye contact with (Y/N), lifting a brow. (Y/N) grunted and begrudgingly followed Rafe and Topper to Barry. Rafe wrapped his arm around Barry's shoulder, leading him away from the property.

"What are you going, man? You good?"

Shrugging his arm off, Barry got in his face, "No, I ain't good, man. Why's your whole family thinkin' I'm just some bitch they can shit on? First I gotta deal with your dad kneecapping me in my own house-"

"You got your money, man. You got your money."

"That ain't the point! I'm asking you, what am I? Am I just some little bitch? Is that what your family looks at me like?" Barry snapped at Rafe, getting further in his face. When Rafe shook his head rapidly, Barry scoffed. "No? Okay, so then why is your little sister and her little surf rat friends runnin' around stealin' 25k out my house? Can you tell me that?" 

"My little sister robbed you?" Topper and (Y/N) exchanged wide-eyed looks. Sarah and John B had only been dating for a couple of days and he'd already gotten her into trouble with a dealer. Rafe stared at Barry, his shock only angering Barry further. 

"Yeah, Sarah robbed me. That's why I'm here."

"She won't even pick up a dollar off the street-"

"Do I look dumb to you? You think I don't understand what's goin' on here? 'Cause I'm telling you right now, you better sort this out with your sister, or else I am. 'Cause I want my money." Barry sneered, his words sending a chill down (Y/N)'s spine.

"Listen," Rafe's breathing became shallow, bordering on hyperventilating. "I don't know what you're talking about. Enlighten me."

"Enlighten you? The Pogues are all around Outer Banks stealin' shit out of everybody's house, and you got no idea? Your sister's involved in it!" 

"Sarah Cameron, home invader? You know how stupid-" As Rafe placed his hand down on Barry's shoulder, Barry grabbed his wrist, digging his fingers into Rafe's burn. He roughly shoved Rafe forward, nearly making him fall. (Y/N) moved quickly, steadying Rafe and keeping him upright

"You know how stupid you are? How many times I gotta deal with you?" Barry spat at him, turning his glare onto Topper when he put himself between the two. Immediately, he pressed his chest against Topper's, yelling in his face and mocking his stammering. (Y/N) swallowed and moved toward them, gently grabbing Topper's arm and pulling him out of the way of Barry's wrath.

"We're gonna figure this out, alright? We'll figure this out and we'll set everything straight, okay? Nobody has to get hurt, not right now." (Y/N) spoke calmly, lifting his brows at Barry and watching him slowly even out his breathing. 

"Imma get my money." He breathed, eyes shifting onto Rafe as he backed up toward his car. "If it's not from you, it's from her. Remember that." Barry got into his car, slamming the door shut and peeling off down the street. (Y/N) looked at the two blondes and took in a deep breath. Ward bailed Rafe out for nothing. And now Barry knew (Y/N)'s face and name. 

"What are you doin', Rafe? What are you gonna do?" Topper asked him, glancing in the direction of Barry's car until it disappeared around the corner. Rafe shook his head, walking away from them and inspecting his burn.

"Nothin'. It's not my problem." Rafe replied, wincing and hissing softly under his breath. 

"You heard him, Rafe. If he hurts Sarah and Ward finds out, who do you think he's going to blame?" (Y/N)'s words made Rafe stop in his spot, every muscle in his body tensing at the mention of his dad. Rafe squeezed his eyes shut and loudly groaned, cursing softly under his breath and walking toward his dirt bike that he'd gotten back the night Ward paid Barry.

"Come on then!" He called, snatching his helmet and putting it on. Topper breathed a sigh of relief and quickly jogged over, getting on his own bike. (Y/N) took his keys out of his pocket and approached his jeep, getting in and turning the engine on. He drove after the boys, going deeper into The Cut in search of John B and his group of misfits. They spotted the familiar minivan in no time heading down a road in a neighborhood. (Y/N) broke off from the other Kooks, going down a different road and turning into the street the minivan drove down on. He stopped in front of it as Rafe attempted to get them to pull over, his jeep forcing John B to hit the brakes. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sarah got out of the minivan first, throwing the door shut and storming toward her brother. Her new boyfriend stepped out of the car but kept his distance, eyes trailing over to the jeep. (Y/N) rested his arm on the windowsill and watched Sarah and Rafe shout at each other. John B only turned away when Topper finally caught up to them, getting off his bike and approaching him. Sarah finally finished, calling Rafe a psycho and crossing her arms. With Rafe and Topper getting on their bikes and driving off, (Y/N) turned his jeep around, ignoring Sarah when she tried speaking to him and following the two back to Figure Eight.

[sarahsmi13s]

Lieutenant Rogers - part 8

Safe Places

pairings: romantic!neil ‘omaha’ vikander x rogers!reader, platonic!dagger squad x rogers!reader, plantonic!sam wilson x rogers!reader, platonic!bucky barnes x rogers!reader

characters: y/n rogers, neil vikander, bob floyd, dagger squad, sam wilson, john walker (mentioned), lemar hoskins (mentioned), karli morgenthau (mentioned), nico (mentioned)

word count: ~8.7k

chapter warnings: language, murder, grief, isolation, fighting, talk of blood, crying, internalizing feelings, vomiting (no one pukes but there are mentions of it), slightly obsessive behaviors, omaha is a good boyfriend, star really needs a hug, please let me know if I missed any

a/n: hi... hello... i just want to thank you all for your immense patience with me. i'm so so sorry it's almost been a year sense the last update. i hope this chapter was worth the wait 💙

sources: Top Gun: Maverick (2022) , The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)

chapter summary: in the wake of the publicized murder of a flag smasher, star has to wrestle with herself as she comes to terms with everything that has happened and anticipate what will happen in the fall out -- all the while omaha tries not to let his feelings overshadow hers

lieutenant rogers universe previous part || next part

You stared at your phone, the video stopped on a frame of the shield covered in blood. Your father’s shield, covered in blood. Covered in the blood of someone who was pleading for their life. It didn’t matter to you that they were a Flag Smasher. They were a fucking person.

Ice ran through your veins, a deathly chill capable of putting out the bonfire in front of you.

The one symbol of hope, the one piece of your father that you thought would keep a flame of his comfort burning in the world, was now smothered to nothing but bloodied ashes. His memory, his legacy, was now tainted. 

Swallowing the bitter taste of alcohol rising back up in your throat, you quietly excused yourself from the group.

You knew Omaha was watching you the whole time you trekked up the beach, your phone fighting for its life in your hand. He was going to give you your space, give you a moment to let yourself be angry and let it out before trying to console you. You needed a minute to be angry alone, then you both could be angry together.

He kept his eyes on you the whole time though, even as your face was illuminated by your phone screen as you called Sam.

You tried to take deep, calming breaths as you waited for Sam to pick up. 

It was morning time in Latvia, so you knew he would be awake. And if he wasn’t, you’d happily be his wake-up call.

Your thumb tapped on your fingers, index finger to pinky and back again, while your exhales fell out of trembling lips. You couldn’t puke. You weren’t going to puke. This was not the time to throw up. 

Saliva built up in your mouth, and your lips began to feel sticky – a tell-tale sign that you were probably going to vomit. Your stomach churned as you felt the buzzing heat of your nerves roll over your skin. 

You hated puking; you didn’t do it often. It was hard for you to get sick, and the serum also helped you to keep from puking after being in your plane. So, you being over the toilet or a trash can expelling the contents of your stomach wasn’t an event you experienced regularly. When it did happen, you were absolutely miserable.

You spit the built-up saliva out into the sand, your hand resting over your stomach as you hummed to try and ward away the nausea. 

Pick up the damn phone, Wilson, you thought as you closed your eyes and exhaled, head tilting up toward the navy blue sky.

Finally, just as you were about to hang up and try again, he answered, his tone already pleading and desperate.

“I know-” 

“What. The. Fuck did he do?” 

Sam’s words went unheard by you as you cut him off, hissing harshly into the receiver.

Anger and frustration rose up in place of the bile and alcohol that had been in your throat moments ago. Your words pushed the nausea out of the way.

Was your anger misplaced? You didn’t think so.

He promised you that he would keep John in line. Keep your father's legacy intact despite the catastrophe tasked with carrying it on. Sam gave you his word that he wouldn’t let Walker ruin it. 

And now, for John to go and do this? With Sam doing nothing to stop him?

As far as you were concerned, your anger towards him was justified.

“Y/N-”

“No, Sam! Don’t ‘Y/N’ me! What the hell happened?”

You weren’t about to let Sam try to calm you down. That wasn’t his place. Not after he failed to do the one thing he said he would.

Sam sighed, and the weight of it dampened the ringing in your ears slightly, a realization hitting you.

Sam was there. He watched it and everything that led up to it. He was just as angry about this situation as you were, not to mention the guilt and regret that probably weighed on his shoulders now, too.

Had your emotions jumped the gun? Did you lash out at Sam too quickly?

Despite that revelation there were things you couldn’t let go, justifications you were too stubborn to let go of. Stuck on his broken promise.

“Lemar Hoskins is dead. Karli killed him during a fight…”

Your heart sank.

You met Lemar once. It was before you left for the mission and only for a few minutes, but he seemed like such a sweet guy. He was there to support John and have his back; he was being a good friend.

And look where that got him…

You crossed your arm over your chest, your free hand gripping your bicep as your jaw clenched. “That’s-that’s unfortunate… but that doesn’t justify murder.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“He didn’t even kill Karli. Flag Smasher or not, that man was innocent.” You dug your foot into the sand, “He didn’t deserve to die.”

The ringing in your ears came back as the quiet slowly took over the call, Sam’s end unnervingly bare of words. Your jaw ticked in the silence, anger flaring up in your stomach. 

You finally broke it, letting yourself ask:

“Why didn’t you stop him? How could you allow this to happen?”

“Oh no, no, no, no. You’re not about to blame me for this,” Sam responded, his tone defensive and sharp.

Your free hand flew out to the side, your own defensiveness coming to light.

“You promised me, Sam! You gave me your word!”

In the midst of your shouting and arm flailing, you didn’t think about the possibility of there being people nearby. Nor did it occur to you that the scene you were making might make them uncomfortable – but, honestly, you didn’t really care.

“Don’t you think I would have stopped him if I could’ve? You really think that I just stood there and let him take an innocent life?”

The wild arm fell limp and slapped against your thigh, a huff escaping your lips. “Sam–”

“No, Y/N, it’s my turn to talk. While I understand your anger towards me, hell I’m angry towards me, but just give me a chance to explain. Please.”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, your knee bouncing as you looked at the sand, “Okay… tell me what happened.” Your voice was a little softer, not as brassy or harsh, but still firm.

Sam let out a breath, taking a moment to collect the right words.

“After the fight, we all just scattered. Bucky and I got separated from John, and… by the time we got there, we were too late.”

You stayed quiet, your tongue swiping over your teeth as you let Sam continue.

“He ran off after he realized what he had done… Bucky and I went after him, tracked him down to an abandoned train station. When we got there, we confronted him and tried to get the shield back civilly, but John’s pride got in the way… it got ugly, but we got the shield back. It’s with me right now.”

You nodded, your thumb popping your fingers at your side as you drew in a breath. 

“What about Walker?” You need to change the focus, your tongue redirecting itself to form the question rather than the comment it really wanted to say.

“What do you mean?” Sam was clearly confused by the shift, but he welcomed it internally.

“Where is John, Sam?”

“They- His handlers, I guess is what they are, took him back to the States. Probably will have a hearing in a few days…” He trailed off, now wondering why you wanted to know Walker’s whereabouts. “What are you planning, Star?”

“Don’t worry about it, Wilson,” you snapped.

“Y/N–”

“You can’t stop me, Sam. Don’t try–”

“Walker took the serum, Y/N.” Your brow furrowed for a second as you processed the words Sam had interrupted you with, and the second you did – it felt like your organs turned to lead.

John Walker was a Super Soldier now? That’s just… fucking great and definitely not a huge problem for you.

You groaned a little and rubbed your forehead after you recovered from the slight shock, “I’m still going to confront him. I can’t sit in fucking silence about this. Not now…”

“And I don't expect you to. But you needed to know what you were walking into.”

You swallow and nod, “Well, thank you for that. I’ll umm.. I’ll keep that in mind.” After another beat of silence, Sam sighed a little, “Look, Y/N, we–”

You shook your head, “Later, Sam, this… this is not a conversation I want to have over the phone with just you. Bucky needs to be in on this, too.”

“Right, right, of course.” 

You nodded and shook out your hand, “Bye, Sam.”

“Talk later, kid.”

After hanging up, you rubbed your face before shoving your phone in your pocket and walking toward the shore.

You needed a second to breathe. You just got back from a high-stress mission, and now Walker has desecrated the only thing left of your father in this world that people put meaning to. And you knew that by tomorrow morning, newspapers, magazines, and the news reporters would be on your ass trying to get a statement.

Were you going to respond? Hell no. Why? Because you didn’t need your words twisted and thrown out into the world for people to use for their own agenda.

But you would deal with that in the morning. Right now, you just need to think and take a breath.

A chilled, salty breeze cooled your heated skin and brought notice to the hot tears of frustration on your cheeks.

“Shit,” you mumbled as you wiped them from your face. “Get it together, Rogers..”

“Honey,” Neil said gently to announce his presence before he touched your shoulders. 

You sucked in a breath, “‘m fine, baby…” He shook his head and turned you to face him, “No, Star-light, you’re not.”

More tears sprung to your eyes, and you looked down in an attempt to fight them off. “No, Neil, I’m f-”

He tilted your chin up, “Stop lying to yourself. You’re not okay, you’re pissed. You have every right to be upset.” His thumb reached up to swipe a tear away, “Please don’t hold it in…”

Your lip quivered, and you inhaled sharply, shaking your head, “I have to be strong. I can’t fucking cry just because I’m angry.” You pulled back a little and harshly wiped your eyes, not missing the look on your boyfriend’s face. 

You knew he was just looking out for you and you knew he was right. But you had a mission and you needed to focus. You could break down later – breaking down would cause you to shut down, and you didn’t have time to shut down.

Omaha sighed and helped wipe away the tears that escaped, “Sweetheart, you shouldn’t hold this in – it’s okay to cry…” He held your shoulders and looked into your eyes, “Scream, yell, cry, punch something-”

“Neil, I appreciate this, all of it. I do. But you just don’t understand what’s going on in my brain and in my heart right now.”

“Then help me understand. I want to be there for you.”

You sighed sadly, “I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. And you are here for me, Neil. Because you’re who I’m gonna fall on when the weight of this crashes down on me, you are going to be my rock.” You cupped his face in your hands, “You are my rock. I just… I need to face this first.”

He nodded and kissed your palm before kissing your fingertips as he moved one of your hands to his chest. “I love you, Star-light.” You smiled softly at him, “I love you too, Oma.” 

Omaha kissed your forehead before wrapping his arms around you, “You wanna head home?” You sniffled and nodded against his neck, “Please, if I stay, I’m afraid I’ll ruin the mood…” He nodded and rubbed your back, “C’mon Doll, let’s go home. I’ll send someone a text and let them know what’s goin’ on.”

You nodded and pulled back from the hug but stayed tucked under his arm as you both walked to Neil’s Jeep.

The ride home was nearly silent. The only sound in the Jeep was the radio, which had been turned down as low as it could go while still being audible.

Your left hand was threaded with his right one, your thumb pressing down on his knuckle like a button. The tip of his thumb moved up and down, letting itself be manipulated. Neil always made sure to keep his hand loose and moveable when you were tense or anxious. He knew how little control you felt you had in this situation, how you felt like the entire universe was crashing down on you, and you had nothing to get the pieces back in their rightful place.

So he could give you this. He could let you squeeze and press and twist and pull, trace whatever lines or patterns you needed to to ease your nerves. To let you feel in control of something.

Omaha knew better than to ask you questions. Your conversation with Sam was a private thing and something that you would talk to him about when you were ready. He didn’t need to push you for information or to talk about your feelings right now, and he trusted that if it was something you thought he needed to know, you would tell him.

That trust didn’t stop him from worrying, though.

He could handle your anxious silence. He understood it. But that doesn’t mean he liked it. 

He knew that your mind wasn’t putting together coherent thoughts, each one overlapping the next until it was just a cacophony of things that overwhelmed you to the core. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the tears in your lash line, welling up and making your eyes glossy. They beaded up on your eyelashes like dew on blades of grass in the morning. They gorgeously reflected any light that they could catch – the moonlight, streetlights, headlights of the few cars that passed you. But you didn’t let them roll over, catching them on the back of your finger before they had the chance.

Your chest stuttered softly with your shaky inhales, something he would have never noticed if he hadn’t learned all of your habits over the course of your five-year relationship. You tried to keep your breathing soft and controlled, quiet enough so you didn’t worry Neil. 

He’d also catch you attempting to pick at your lips, squeezing your hand every once in a while to divert your attention and let you know that he saw you. Usually, you’d give him an absent-minded squeeze back, and your hand would move to your chest, your thumb rubbing against the words scribbled across your collarbone and your heart thumping against it in time with the pulse he could feel against his own wrist.

He almost didn’t want to go home. He could sit in silence in the car, drive around for hours in this silence. In this silence, you were right next to him, holding his hand. This silence wasn’t despair; it wasn’t as heartbreaking as the silence at home.

At home… at home, you had more room to be distant. You had space to be alone, away from him. He understood that you needed space, but he hated it when you would isolate yourself in your own home. You’d tuck yourself into the corner of the couch and just try to figure it out by yourself. You’d completely detach yourself and go into focus mode, locking on to figuring out how to fix this situation – one that couldn’t really be fixed.

When he finally decided to pull into the house, you didn't do what he expected. Omaha expected you to yank your hand from his and bolt into the house to find a corner to hide in.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you swallow, sniffling slightly as you turn from the window to face Neil. He squeezed your hand, letting you know he was still there and he wasn’t going anywhere without you.

“I’m going to DC…”

You didn’t look up at him as you spoke, afraid you’d break if you looked into his eyes. His kindness and understanding swam in them, conveying his feelings so his words never had to. And they were your safe place.

His eyes were kaleidoscopes of colors. The light manipulated them beautifully, capturing each shade in its individuality and in their unity. They were gorgeous. They were home.

They could be the soft dirt, warm, comforting, and inviting – ready for something to hold. Or they were the grass or the trees, fields and forests of serenity and calmness – a place you could find peace. Or they were the sky or the ocean, two of the greatest expanses on earth – a place you felt in control and a place that showed you just how delicate you could be, a place you could relax and let go.

They were all of those things…

They were Neil.

You squeezed his hand, grounding yourself with the chill of his skin against the heat of yours. You took a deep breath, tracing the veins on the back of his hands to focus.

“You-you don’t have to come with me. This is last minute, and we just got home, but–”

“Star-light, I’m going with you. Whether it’s to be your support, your back up, or your alibi – I’m going.”

He knew that you weren’t asking his permission to go to DC, nor were you really asking him to go with you. But he was going. He wasn’t letting you go all the way across the country alone. He’d stay at the hotel or in the Airbnb if you wanted, but he was going to be within reach of you – that was non-negotiable. 

“I… This isn’t going to be some fun trip. I think you know why I’m going… So I want you to think about this.”

Neil didn’t need to know and he wasn’t going to ask questions, either. You would tell him why, probably were about to, before he interrupted you. And he could only assume it had to do with that video and your phone call with Sam. 

“I don’t need to. When it comes to you, to this, I’m going to be by your side. You want to face John, let him know that you know what he’s done and that he fucked up. I’m just gonna be there so you don’t get yourself hurt or in trouble.”

He squeezed your hand again, “I’m your partner, your wingman. I am here for you, whenever you need me.”

He watched your face carefully as he spoke, catching the quirk of the corners of your mouth before you sobered up and nodded.

“I’ll um… I’ll get the tickets after we get inside. They’ll be shitty, but they’re last minute…”

“As long as they’re next to each other, I don’t care.” 

And that was true. He didn’t care where you sat in the plane – just that you sat together. He wanted – no, he needed to be next to you. Being there for you is his priority right now.

You swallowed and nodded once more, caging his hand between yours.

“I will do my best.” 

He hated how quiet your voice was. It wasn’t a normal quiet. It was meek and powerless. You sound defeated and scared. 

You were none of those things. And seeing you this way broke his heart.

His free hand moved to the back of your head, pulling you toward him gently as he leaned in. He pressed his lips to your forehead, eyes closing as he tried to pour every ounce of love and comfort he could muster into it.

And it seemed to transfer.

Your shoulders relaxed as he felt your shaky exhale brush the skin of his neck.

His eyes stayed closed as he spoke against your skin, “I love you, Star-light.” 

You nodded against his lips, feeling comfort in your chest at the vibration of his low voice against your forehead. His voice was smooth with a slight rasp, similar to warm dark chocolate with a shot of whiskey mixed in – it was just… peaceful.

It took over the other voices that were shouting in your head. All it took was the low whisper of those four words to dampen the screaming. Those voices were still there, but Neil’s made its presence known, and that was enough to get them to back off a little.

“I love you too, Oma. So so much…”

Your voice was still soft, but there was a strength that returned to it. It sounded fuller, not as hollow as it had before.

Omaha wasn’t sure how long that would last, but he would take the win.

He pulled back after pressing another kiss to your forehead, and his hand moved to the side of your neck, his thumb caressing your jaw. “Let’s go in. We need some sleep so we can get up and pack.” 

You nodded, inhaling deeply to ground yourself before exiting the safety of the Jeep.

Neil smiled softly at you, hoping to get you to smile back. And you did… But he knew that you’d done it out of reflex rather than because you felt like smiling.

You turned your head and kissed the palm of his hand, squeezing the one you were holding before you pulled away completely and got out of the Jeep. 

He sighed as your door shut, and he unbuckled himself, getting out to meet you at the front door.

After getting inside, you silently moved around the house. 

Both of you had already rinsed your legs and feet of sand and emptied your shoes before leaving, so you didn’t have to worry about that at all. So, you just quietly went to the kitchen and got your laptop before you walked towards your bedroom.

“Hey,” Neil said, gently catching your arm as you walked past him. “I’m gonna take a shower before I go to bed. Do you want-”

“I’ll shower after you. I want to make sure I get these tickets ordered, and that I can snag a decent flight time. I’m hoping there’s still some left for this morning.” Your voice was breathless, almost as if you had been holding your breath as you moved through the house. The words sounded rushed and rehearsed like you had been waiting for him to ask. Your mind was already set on showering separately.

All Omaha could do was nod. He could try to convince you to join him, tell you he’d wait for you to order the tickets – but your mind was made up. 

“Alright, I’ll be quick.” 

“You don’t have to. Take as long as you need.”

Something in your voice and the way your eyes looked down at where his hand gripped your bicep made his stomach feel heavy. 

You were reverting again. Going back to that corner he thought he had pulled you away from. Isolating yourself again when he was right there. 

He was right there. 

All you had to do was just let him sit with you. Or take his hand and let him pull you up. 

You would talk to him when you were ready. He knew that. But he didn’t like that you were trying to face this all on your own because you felt like you were alone. You weren’t. 

He was right there.

But he nodded, knowing if he pushed, you would back away or lash out like a scared and wounded animal. The opposite of what he wanted. “Alright…”

You gave him another closed-mouth smile and kissed his shoulder before settling in the bedroom.

He rubbed his face, a frustrated sigh left his lips before he shook his head to himself and went to the laundry room to toss two towels into the dryer before grabbing a clean one for himself.

Walking into the bedroom, he saw you sitting on top of the covers with your laptop on your desk tray as you bit your nails. He sighed sadly and walked over, grabbing a piece of gum from your vanity on the way. 

He moved your hand away from your mouth, his grip gentle on your wrist as he held out the gum to you.

No words needed to be exchanged, just a silent moment between you both before he left you alone on the bed to take his shower.

Neil stood under the stream, the hot water drenching his hair and running down his face. 

He avoided his music, knowing that it would do nothing to change his mood. He needed the silence – bask in the steam and the rhythmic beating of water on the titles around him. 

His head fell back, letting the water pelt him in the face as he took deep breaths. In front of him, his hands balled into fists when he inhaled and relaxed as he exhaled. 

Neil needed this. He needed this moment, to be alone and vulnerable behind the closed door – out of your sight. 

There was irony in it; he knew that. The irony when he ran off to hide in the safety of the bathroom so you didn’t have to see him break. Didn’t have to watch him replay every moment over and over in his head. You were going through enough, and he wasn’t about to let you see his hurt or his worry just yet. This wasn’t about him, and he wasn’t going to make it about him.

So, that’s why he was here, standing under the showerhead with his eyes closed, the events on the beach replayed behind his eyelids like a movie.

******

His stomach churned as he watched the video from over your shoulder. The pleads of the young man not going unheard. Then, the sickening crack of the shield being driven into his chest. He heard it again and again… and again. 

John Walker murdered someone. And the whole world saw it.

Rage drove up in his throat, slamming on the brakes and leaving a disgusting burnt taste on his tongue. 

It was almost a metallic taste, a morbid mimicry of the paused frame that lit up your features. 

Your expression seemed blank, shocked at the horrendous act. But your eyes told a different story. 

As they scanned over your phone screen, Neil could see the pain creep in. He watched them crack, breaking as they reflected the blood-stained shield.

Your nose twitched subtly as your lip quivered. He glanced at your hands, noticing how they shook slightly. He doubted that you noticed the tremor, just staring with unblinking eyes at your phone.

“Honey…” 

He wanted to get your attention but not startle you. Your fellow pilots began to stare, concern and pity etched on their faces. He needed to get you out of this, pull you away from the prying eyes and the inevitable questions they would bombard you with.

The squad would try to coddle you. Tip-toe around subjects to try not to make you cry. Or ask invasive questions that you weren’t ready to answer. They meant well, sure, but it wouldn’t help you. It wouldn’t make this situation better. Nothing would…

“Doll-”

You swallowed, your hands dropping to your sides as you excused yourself to trek up the sand wanting a moment alone. Your arm flexed as you had a death grip on your phone.

“Omaha, I didn’t-”

“I know, Garcia,” Neil mumbled as he turned to keep an eye on you, his back to the bonfire. “I know.”

He kept his eye on you as you talked on the phone, most likely with Sam or Bucky, as the others tried to continue on with the party. 

He watched your hands and your legs, noticing the near-perpetual bouncing of your left leg. 

Neil hated this. Hated just standing here, just being some witness to the damage John’s actions caused. His emotions were collateral damage, only worsening with each minute he watched you stand there in pain.

He couldn’t hear much, distant hissing and muffled sentences mostly. But then he heard you shout, your arm flying out to the side.

“You promised me, Sam! You gave me your word!”

His heart shattered. Even from this distance, he could hear how broken your voice was, how it was strained with unshed tears.

He felt his nose burn, sniffling on reflex as he rubbed it with his index finger. 

“Vikander? You alright?”

Omaha hummed absent-mindedly in response, not processing the question or the voice that asked it. 

“Neil, hey, are you okay?”

The hand on his shoulder pulled his attention from you, making him suck in a breath out of surprise. “What?”

Bob shot him a concerned look, “Are you okay? You looked like you zoned out for a second.” 

*****

His conversation with Bob is a blurry memory.

All he remembers is taking his eyes off you for what felt like a second to talk to Bob and take a sip of the water offered to him. By the time he turned back around to check on you, you had walked down to the shore.

He felt his stomach sink again as he remembered how your arms had been wrapped around your waist, how your shoulders moved up and down with your deep breaths. And how when he approached you, you scolded yourself for crying as you tried to subtly wipe at your tears.

You tried to lie and say you were fine, hiding your tears when he pushed you ever so slightly. You pushed back, dismissed your own feelings and held your hurt in. 

Neil’s tears mixed with the water running down his face.

But he didn’t care that he was crying. He didn’t care that he was crying over something he couldn’t fix. Something that was tearing you apart from the inside out, but you hid from him – hid from yourself. You were hurting, and it hurts him that you don’t think you can be vulnerable.

So, he didn’t care that he was crying because it was you – he loves you that much.

His shower was a little longer than normal, but he didn’t think you would really mind right now. 

He just went through his routine on autopilot as his mind wandered and raced, recapping the evening. He ended it with a cold shot, letting the freezing water cool his heated skin and hopefully soothe his aching heart.

Omaha got out and dried off, moving languidly as he kept zoning out.

He wasn’t sure what state he would find you in when he walked into the bedroom. That scared him. This whole situation scared him because he had no idea what to expect next. He didn’t know what you were going to do when you got to DC or when you saw John Walker. 

It all just made him uneasy. 

But he knew that he just had to trust you. Though he wasn’t going to abandon his concerns if he felt that something was dangerous. He’s your partner; your safety matters to him.

After he dried off and got dressed in his boxers and Navy shirt, he exited the bathroom as he ran the towel over his hair.

“You might want to give it a minute or two. Let the hot water replenish a little,” he said as nonchalantly as possible.

He didn’t hear a response, so he looked up to catch the tail end of your nod. 

“I got the tickets order. Flight leaves at about ten in the morning,” you responded softly, picking at your lip as you looked at your computer screen. “Um, San Diego International is the airport. It’s the closest but we’ll need to get up earlier so we can pack.”

Neil tried not to sigh out loud at your subject change. He knew you weren’t doing it on purpose; you were just trying to keep what you could in line and control whatever you could. He also knew the frustration in him wasn’t caused by you. 

He nodded and sat on your side of the bed, trying not to look at your computer screen knowing he would find articles about John on your screen.

“Baby,” he called softly, hoping you would look up at him. When you didn’t, he repeated the nickname: “Baby, please look at me.” 

When your eyes remained glued to your screen, he closed the laptop and grabbed your desk tray, moving it to your actual desk.

“Okay, no, you’re not gonna do that.”

“Neil-”

“No, Y/N,” he pushed, sitting in front of you. “You can’t do that because it is not going to help. You are just going to go further and further down a hole that I can’t pull you out of.”

He grabbed your hands, knowing that you would try to run away if he didn’t. “I get that you're frustrated. That you’re pissed off. I get it, baby. But reading articles that are full of more opinions than they are fact is not going to help you.”

You swallowed and looked at him, “People think he was justified…”

His heart shattered right then in his chest. Your defeated and tear-filled voice crashed into it, sending shards of his heart into his throat.

“How could they find murder justified? John had no right-” He stopped mid-sentence when he noticed that you weren’t looking at him. 

He cupped your chin, turning your head back to look at him and moving his hand to your cheek when you did. “That man did not deserve to die. Flag Smasher or not, he did not deserve that. John had no right to kill him.”

“Nico…”

He looked at you, confused. “What?”

Tears filled your eyes, your voice coming out in a soft whimper. “His name was Nico…”

“Sweetheart…”

“He was murdered… All because he wanted to help people. That’s all they want to do is help people, Neil.” Your voice cracked as he watched anger fill your eyes, “He left behind two sisters… Two girls who watched their brother get murdered. They got notified of his death through fucking social media. His murder is viral.” 

He stayed quiet, letting you go until you stopped yourself – willing to listen as long as you got your feelings out to him.

“Sure, the Flag Smashers methods aren’t ethical, and Karli hasn’t been a saint. But they’re the only ones actually willing to do anything to help those people. The GRC isn’t doing shit!”

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think there was much he could say. 

You pulled your hand from his, rubbing your face harshly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That… I didn’t mean to blow up on you like that.”

Neil shook his head immediately, resting his hand on your knee. “No, don’t apologize. You don’t have to bottle it up.” 

You gave him a weak smile, resting your hand on top of his. He smiled back at you reassuringly before he turned his palm up and kissed your hand.

You just sat like that for a moment. Your hand in his as the water rolled off his dark hair and onto the duvet, letting the silence settle between you for a moment.

“They think he’s justified because Lemar was killed during a fight… They see it as retribution for that,” you said softly after a few minutes while you played with his fingers. 

Omaha shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but you continued.

“It wasn’t even Nico that killed Lemar. Karli was…”

He squeezed your hand, “So then it’s not retribution. And one injustice does not fix another.” 

You shook your head, looking down at your joined hands. “It doesn’t…”

A tear hit Neil’s hand, making his heart break – again. But he didn’t make a huge scene. He didn’t point it out. All he did was reach out and gently wipe the tear from your cheek. “Why don’t you go shower, Star-light? The water pressure is nice, and it should all be warmed up now. I’ll heat up your towel and hair towel in the dryer. What do you want to wear to bed?”

You sniffled and leaned into his hand. “One of your oversized shirts and a pair of your boxers, please.” He nodded and kissed your forehead, “You got it, doll.”

“Thank you, Oma, really.”

“You don’t gotta thank me,” he squeezed your hand. “Just go take a shower, relax. I’ll be out here if you need me.”

You nodded and gently pecked his lips, “I love you.” He kissed you back, “I love you too.”

Taking a deep breath, you got up and went to the bathroom, leaving Neil on the bed.

He sat on the bed and waited to hear you turn the shower on before he started moving around the room.

After grabbing the clothing items you asked for and his phone, he went to the laundry room.

He sighed heavily as he tossed the clothes in with the towels and started the dryer, hoping that they would be warm by the time you were done in the shower.

“Okay, now what to–”

Mid-sentence, Neil’s phone started ringing. He didn’t need to check the caller ID to know who it was.

“Hey Bob…” He answered, his voice flat to try and conceal the relief of someone to talk to.

“Hey, I was just calling to check-in. See how you both were holdin’ up.”

Neil sighed, his arm crossing over his chest as he leaned against the washing machine. “Honestly? Not great. I um… I caught her looking at articles.”

Bob inhaled sharply on the other end of the phone, “That’s not good…”

“No, no, it’s not… There are so many who agree with John’s actions and others that don’t. But they’re all just opinions. No one is going to know all the facts. They only know what they saw in that video. And what they saw was John murder someone with the shield in the middle of the town square.”

Omaha harshly ran his teeth over his bottom lip, “I don’t know what to do, Bob. She’s hurting, and she won’t talk to me. She’s said a few things, but the closest I got to her emotions was her voice… Then she fucking apologized for talking about it. What do I fucking do?”

“What you’re doing, Neil. Being there for her. Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

“That’s not enough!”

“Neil, I know you’re angry…”

That was the understatement of the century. 

Neil was pissed. Someone hurt you. Someone’s careless and selfish actions have hurt you – again.

Someone has taken you from him. Their actions have caused you to internalize your feelings and put your guards up all over again. Making you hide from your safe places.

And that started a fire in him.

“I’m more than angry, Robert. She is hurting. She has to mourn the memory of her father after mourning him the first time!”

Neil tends to hold resentment towards the one that hurt you, Bob knew that. He still holds resentment towards your dad for what he did to you. No one will get away with trying to smother out his Star-light.

And now John was at the top of his list. 

“Walker had no right to murder that man – even if he were to be the one to kill Lemar. Retribution or not, it’s still fucking murder. And John won’t get away with this.”

Neil couldn’t give less of a fuck if he was Captain America or not. John wasn’t getting away with hurting you or disrespecting something that held so much meaning for you.

Bob sighed again, most likely putting his glasses on his head to rub his eyes. “Omaha, you know she won’t want you to get involved in this… She’s keeping things to herself for a reason. And while you don’t like it, she’s protecting you and herself by doing that.”

“I just want to be there for her. I want her to come to me so she doesn’t face this on her own,” Neil’s voice cracked as tears slipped down his cheeks. “I want to be her safe place again…”

“That is never going to change, Neil. Never. You will always be her safe place. And she knows that when she is ready, she can run to you, and you’ll be there with open arms. She just needs to process this on her own… give her time.”

Neil nodded, wiping his eyes harshly as he tried to regain his own composure. 

“Your feelings are justified, Neil. You are allowed to be upset, too. So don’t think that you being scared or upset about her closing herself is selfish or anything, because it’s not.”

Omaha couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, “Are you sure you’re not a mind reader, Bob?”

“Well, Nick Fury’s not on my doorstep, so I’m gonna stick with no,” Bob laughed.

A beat of silence passed before Neil spoke up.

“Hey, we’re leaving for DC tomorrow morning. Do you think you could go grab my Jeep from the airport and bring it back to the house? Y/N can leave her spare key somewhere for you. And maybe just look after the house since you're only a few houses down?”

“Of course, I can do that for you.”

“Thanks, man.” Neil sighed and looked back toward the bedroom. “I better get going. Calm myself down before she gets out of the shower.”

“Alright, good luck. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do. Thank you.”

Both hung up, and Neil wiped his face before going back to the bedroom to wait for you to get out of the shower.

You sighed as you tossed and turned in your bed, your body becoming restless the moment you thought you were comfortable. You thought the shower would’ve calmed you down, but the stress was eating at your nerves and making your stomach churn constantly. 

The anxiety was making you feel hot, your already naturally high body temperature rising as your mind ran at a million miles a minute.

Huffing, you threw the cover off of you and got out of bed. 

Your feet drug as you took yourself to the kitchen. 

You got a glass of ice water before going to the living room and sitting in the corner of the couch. 

Sleep wasn’t coming to you anytime soon, not with all the thoughts running through your mind… So you sat on the couch and looked out of your sliding glass doors at the moonlit backyard.

Your eyes felt heavy with tears. They were tears of frustration and anger. Tears of heartbreak. It was all so much, and being left alone with your thoughts was probably the worst situation you could have put yourself in. But you couldn’t go anywhere or talk to anyone about this. They wouldn’t understand anyway. 

Tears weighed down your lash line, blurring your vision as you zoned out completely. They slowly overflowed, breaking the surface tension and tracking down your face.

But you weren’t crying. 

No. Crying involved you actually feeling something, and right now… numbness was overtaking it all. Pushing everything from the last few hours into one blurry mess of static.

You didn’t have time to cry… you had a mission to complete.

The next morning, Neil woke up to see you moving around the room and packing bags for both of you.

He glanced over and checked the time, seeing just how early it was, “What time did you get up?” You didn’t look up from what you were doing as you answered him, “Didn’t sleep.” 

“Star-light…” 

“Oma, I’m fine. If I need to sleep, I’ll sleep,” you said, still shoving things into your bags.

You didn’t need sleep. Sleep was the furthest down on your list of needs. What you really needed was to get on a plane and get to DC so you could confront the hurricane of emotions that were swirling through your being.

You needed to release the fermenting anger and frustration; it was poisoning you, and you knew it. But you were too damn stubborn, wanting to hold it in and take it out on the true cause of it.

Dumping it all on Omaha or your friends wasn’t fair, not in your eyes. It wasn’t justice in them either. John wasn’t going to miss your wrath. He’d been on your radar since he took up the mantle, and now you were trying to get a missile lock.

That was justice.

Neil sighed and got out of bed, ruffling his hair as he walked over to you. “I know you’re a super soldier, but you’re not invincible. Your body can only handle so much. You need to sleep.” He wrapped his arms around you, “I just-”

“Neil, I don’t want to talk about it right now,” you huffed, leaning on the duffels in front of you. 

“I know, and I’m not trying to get you to talk about it. I know you’ll come to me when you’re ready. But I’m not just gonna abandon my duties as your boyfriend. I’m still gonna make sure you take care of yourself because I love you.”

You sighed and dropped your head back onto his shoulder, “I know… I know, I’m sorry.” He kissed your temple, “Don’t apologize. You’re going through a lot. But I’m gonna make sure you’re taken care of.” 

Sniffling a little, you rest your hands on top of his. “Thank you, honey… I just–”

You were cut off by your phone ringing. 

You huffed again and went over to pick it up. “Hello?... No comment.” You hung up and shoved your phone into your sweatpants pocket. 

“That was fast,” Neil pointed out as he started packing whatever was left.

Rubbing your forehead, you sat on the bed as you sighed, “Yeah, that is the… fifth? Maybe the sixth reporter to call me for a statement on all of this. I can’t turn my phone off, so I just answer and say, ‘no comment’. This has been going on since 4 this morning.” You felt your phone go off with a short ring in your pocket. 

Neil opened his mouth to say something but you held a hand up, “Don’t get me started on the emails.”

He just nodded with a playful smile and continued to pack.

You both sat in silence for a little bit, but Omaha broke it when he noticed you were fidgeting.

“Hey, what’s going on? You’re a little more fidgety than you usually are…” 

Last night, as you evaded sleep, it occurred to you that Neil had no idea that John was a super soldier. You hadn’t told him that very important detail last night. It didn’t change your mind, but keeping your boyfriend in the dark about that wasn't fair.

You swallowed, playing with the worn cuffs of your hoodie, “There’s um…” You scratched your brow, “I didn’t tell you everything last night…” 

He stopped packing and came over to stand in front of you, “That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me–” 

“No, this,” you nodded as you kept your head down, looking at your lap. “This I need to tell you…” 

“Doll, you’re worrying me… what’s wrong?” 

You looked up at him, swallowing your nerves before speaking, “John took the serum… he’s a super soldier now.” 

Neil’s eyes widened as he took a few steps back, his lips parting slightly in shock.

“I’m sorry?”

It wasn’t a question. Not really. His brow was furrowed, and his hands were up as he tilted his head, but he wasn’t really asking.

He let out a dry chuckle, “Did you just say that John Walker, the man you’re about to fly to DC to confront, was a um… was a super soldier? Or-or am I hearing things? I really, really hope that’s not what you just said.”

“You heard right… John took the serum,” you played with your fingers, looking down at your lap.

Neil put his hands on his hips and nodded, “Okay…” He wiped his mouth before pressing his lips into a thin line and rolling them between his teeth. 

He took in a deep breath through his nose, attempting to keep his voice steady as emotion began to rise in his throat. He knew his hands would start shaking at any minute, so his voice couldn’t break or waiver and ruin how serious he was.

“You knew… You knew, and you were still gonna confront him? At probably the most emotionally unstable point in his life! Are you insane?!”

You winced a little and rubbed your face as he started to pace back and forth. “Oma-” “Were you even gonna tell me?” Neil cursed himself for the breathy, almost dejected tone that began to work its way into his voice. 

You looked up, desperation for understanding in your eyes. “Yes but-”

“When? Before or after you got yourself killed?”

You stood up, frustrated that he wasn’t letting you explain yourself, “I can handle myself, Neil.” 

“It’s not about that Y/N! It’s about whether or not John is capable of murder! And as we learned last night, he absolutely is!” 

You scoffed and put your hands on your hips, pointing an accusatory finger at your boyfriend, “You just don’t think that I can do it! You don’t think I can handle this, do you?” 

He stayed silent, his brown eyes avoiding you as he tongued his cheek.

Your heart dropped to your feet, and your hands fell limp at your sides. “You actually don’t think I can do this…”

He hung his head, “This is dangerous, Y/N. John isn’t just some dickhead with a shield anymore… He’s angry, and I’m sure whatever the council has to say to him can’t be good.” 

In a flash, your anger resurfaced. “A shield? A shield?! It’s more than just ‘a shield’, Neil! It’s THE shield! The shield my father earned! The shield that was made for him! For HIM! Not John! My dad worked for that shield, he earned it! John was handed the shield! So don’t just call it ‘a shield’ because it is so much more than that! And you know that!”

Neil flinched a little at your volume, not expecting you to react that way, but not shocked by it either. “You’re right, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just…”

Finally, he met your eyes, and you could see the emotion swirling in them. “I’m scared…” 

You swallowed and stayed silent, your anger smothering out as your expression softened.

“An-and I get that confronting him is the best way for you to get your feelings and emotions out… But we know what John is capable of. We know that he can and will kill someone with the slightest bit of provoking. You are going to be his antagonist, and that scares the shit out of me.”

“I can handle John, Neil…” You protested quietly, still hurt by the fact he thought you couldn’t. 

He sighed and rubbed your arms before tilting your head up. “It’s not that I don’t think you can. You’re quite literally the strongest person I know. But I’m scared, Y/N, and I’m not apologizing for being worried for your safety. I just need you to be safe.” 

You sniffled, “I’m not changing my mind… I can’t let him slip by, thinking that I don’t know what he did. He has to know-” You looked away as emotion clogged your throat. “He has to know, Neil. He has to know that I know.”

He gently turned your head back to face him, “I know. And I’m not asking you to change your mind. The bastard deserves to see the pain he caused. All I’m asking is that you’re careful and you really think about your approach. I love you too much to keep in my concerns.” 

You nodded before wrapping your arms around him. “I love you too. I love you so much.” You pulled back and pressed a kiss to his lips, “I’ll try my best to be careful. But I can’t make you a promise…” He nodded, “That’s all I ask.” 

Omaha pecked your lips, “C’mon, we got a flight to catch.”

how do you even describe this...

other than just pain and anger.

star is kicking herself more than she probably should be and omaha is just trying to keep her as safe as he can...

but how will confronting walker turn out?

hi guys! i just want to thank you again for your incredible patience. i can not and will not promise you when the next part will be up and ready to go. but i will be working on it to get it out to you guys 💙

lt rogers tags <33 (i apologize if i missed anyone if i did please remind me in the comments):

@milesdickpic @roosterscockpit @luckyladycreator2 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @twsssmlmaa

@malindacath @startrekfangirl2233 @indigodaydream @that-one-random-writer @hangmansgbaby

@nikkipea @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby @yourlocalloser-core @mimi-8793 @scalesarenotbalanced

@carnationworld @bethabear12

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I haven’t done a new dream Taskmaster contestants list since the season 17 lineup came out, so I thought it was time for one. A list based on who hasn’t been cast yet in the first 17 seasons. I’m going to split this into two separate lists.

People who might possibly appear on Taskmaster UK at some point:

- Ahir Shah

- David O’Doherty (even though he is not UK)

- Josie Long

- Chris Addison

- Eleanor Morton

Alternates – by which I mean copouts because I managed to narrow down my top five but I have more that I wanted to list:

- Michael Legge

- Jessica Fostekew

- Rhys James

- Ian Smith

- Sarah Keyworth

- Danielle Ward

- Liam Williams

- Kiri Pritchard-McLean

People who would never appear on Taskmaster but would be on my dream list if we could have anyone, but still with some connection to the sort of people who do the show:

- John Oliver (wouldn’t do it due to: too important)

- Andrew Zachariah Zaltzman (wouldn’t do it due to: insufficiently important, because generally when they pick a comedian who isn’t already TV famous, it’s someone young and up-and-coming and Andy doesn’t fit the bill for that role – but I’d love it if they proved me wrong; also I realize he's younger than Michael Legge who also isn't TV famous, but I think Michael Legge is bigger on social media so that makes him feel slightly more realistic, I think, I don't have a good sense of how famous British people are, also I just remembered that Danielle Ward doesn’t perform anymore so she's probably less likely than Andy too)

- Kitson (wouldn’t do it due to: he doesn’t do anything where people can see him, despite having chosen to pursue a career in public performance, and I would sell out everyone I’ve ever met to have him filmed doing just one team task with John Oliver)

- Grace Petrie (wouldn’t do it due to: musician, though she did that one fucking excellent comedy hour and one or two more could get her in the Taskmaster pool and could also significantly improve my life)

- Gavin Osborn (wouldn’t do it due to: also not a comedian, but he’s on this list mostly because I’m imagining that these lists of five people will make up one Taskmaster season, and I love the idea of Gavin Osborn and Grace Petrie on a Taskmaster team together, or in fact doing anything together, couple of comedy-adjacent socialists with guitars)

…I didn’t mean for that list to become just Chocolate Milk Gang + Grace Petrie, but it’s not surprising that it did.

Dream Taskmaster Australia lineup, because I’ve decided I have one of those:

- Alice Fraser

- Laura Davis

- Tim Minchin

- Tom Ballard

- Adam Hills (I want to really hate him for some of his pro-monarchy shit, and I did object to it enough to stop following The Last Leg last year, but the fact is that I’d still like to see his wildly competitive side come out on Taskmaster)

- Alternate - or actually maybe she's on the list and Hills is the alternate - Claudia O'Doherty

People I’d most like to see fill the National Treasures role, if we pretend that literally no one is too famous to do that role, and also that they’re able to bring people back from the dead as long as they’re sufficiently National Treasure-y:

- Michael Palin

- Douglas Adams

- Sandi Toksvig

- Armando Iannucci

- Olivia Coleman

Dream Taskmaster lineup, any category:

It would be worth setting gender and racial equality back by thirty years, to have these five white guys on one season where the final studio task is to take apart a cow.