#Jonathan is her tail's name :D

[edgy-senju]

Karma (and Jonathan) in B1 for anon!

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

I Wonder What It’s Like (2/3) - fic

Characters: Damian Wayne, Jon Kent, Kathy Brandon Pairing: jondami Summary: Damian is a mess. A big, sappy, romantic mess. A/N: This hot *~garbage~*. Sorry.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

~~

He was just walking down the hallway in their team’s shared apartment. A loft that overlooked the city of Chicago, the ridiculous rent paid for by his father, no questions asked.

The little kitten he’d found on patrol the night before was pattering excitedly after him as he walked, Titus protectively on the little thing’s tail while she meowed loudly. Damian was laughing as he walked, and had just felt her jump at his ankle and stumble, so turned to make sure she was righting herself.

But then he froze.

In his attempt to glance down at the kitten, his gaze caught movement nearby, in the bedroom he was passing.

Jon’s bedroom.

The door was open and Jon stood there in front of a mirror, fiddling with the collar of a white dress shirt he was already practically busting out of. Not that Damian noticed the shirt too much. No, he was too busy staring at the perfectly form-fitting black slacks that hugged Jon’s ass and thighs – and that in the mirror he could clearly see they were not buttoned yet.

“Jon…”

He felt the name come out of his mouth without consent, and instantly snapped his lips closed, practically sucked them between his teeth.

Kept staring, though.

Refocused back on the shirt, on the sliver of chest he could still see, and the muscles rippling as Jon shifted. Stared at those long fingers fumbling against each other. Felt his breath catch in his throat, as Jon slowly glanced over his shoulder at him.

Jon blinked and his face brightened, and Damian – motherfucking Damian goddamn Wayne – felt his knees go weak as Jon smiled at him. As his violet eyes shone, and absolute joy radiated from his being.

“Hey, D.” He said. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I…” Damian cleared his throat, thanking his lucky stars. Jon had heard him, but he hadn’t heard his…tone. Good, that was good. As he exhaled his relief, he glanced down and saw the kitten, Titus still tight on her heels, stomping forward into Jon’s room. “Theadora!”

The kitten mewed grumpily as Damian stepped into the room and swooped her up into his hands. She wiggled even as he held her to his chest, and tried to bite at his fingers.

“We do not enter rooms uninvited.” He scolded, touching his finger to her nose. He looked back up at Jon. “My apologies.”

Jon snorted. “You know you and your animals are welcome any time. I don’t mind.” He turned back to the mirror. “In fact, I enjoy it. Always a nice break.”

Damian hummed, biting the words on his tongue. A nice break from what, doing nothing? No, that would be rude. He was working on not being rude, on saving the sarcasm for when it was warranted, not every word out of his mouth. He was better than that. He should be better than that.

(Especially to Jon.)

“…What’s the occasion?” Damian nodded towards him. “I don’t recall you being much into suits.”

“I’m not. It’s some shindig at the Planet. Mom’s getting an award. Again.” Jon chuckled as he rolled his eyes. “She said since I’m barely home any more the least I could do is come tonight.”

Damian couldn’t stop his eyes from darting downwards again. “I doubt it’s an…ahem…open-trouser affair…”

Internally, Damian winced at himself. It wasn’t sarcasm, but it was still rude. Jon wasn’t an idiot. Obviously he wasn’t done getting dressed. There was no need to tease. There was no need to open his stupid mouth.

But Jon laughed anyway. “I’m getting there, I’m getting there.” He stuck his tongue out thoughtfully, returning to his task at his collar. “I’m going to tuck my shirt in, but I can’t get these stupid buttons up top, here.” He tried for another second, then spun back to Damian. “A little help?”

Damian felt himself smiling, almost instinctively stepping forward. “Sure.”

Jon cooed as he grabbed Theadora from Damian’s hands, petting her as Damian took over button duty, gently folding the little round plastic through the fabric of the shirt. He ignored how close he was to Jon’s skin, how easily it would be to reach out and just touch him.

(Just caress his jaw, just lean forward and kiss him, just–)

The buttons were finished, and he quickly stepped back. Jon twisted his torso back towards the mirror. “Perfect.”

But then he turned back to Damian with a sheepish grin. “Help with one more thing?”

Damian shrugged.

And he watched, almost bewildered, as Jon didn’t give his kitten back (much to Titus’s disappointment in the doorway) but instead placed her on top of his head, right in the center of his nest of curls. Then he turned towards his bed, hastily shoving the shirt tails into those unbuttoned pants before grabbing a red ribbon that was lying across his comforter.

“I know you’re going to think it’s cheesy, but it’s kind of an inside thing between me and my dad.” He spun around, balancing Theadora perfectly, and held the ribbon out. “But I never learned how to properly tie one.”

Damian glanced between Jon’s kitten crown, and the ribbon in his hand. “A…bowtie?”

“It’s a thing, I promise. Inside joke.” He walked closer. “Please?”

Damian sighed, annoyed that his default exhale made him sound put off, when in reality, he really wasn’t. Not at all. He was happy to help.

He was always happy to help Jon.

But he took the ribbon and looped it carefully around Jon’s neck. Ignored the urge to pull the other forward with it, ignored those thoughts already popping back into his brain, and began to knot it.

“…I’m really only going to make my mom happy.” Jon let out his own sigh as he finally buttoned the stupid pants. Damian was happy to have a task, anything to stop him from looking down again. “These things are so boring.”

Damian snorted. “Welcome to my life.”

“Hey, I bet your dad will be there. And Diana. Apparently this is like. A huge award. Wouldn’t be surprised if Bruce Wayne showed up for some reason. You know, beyond my dad inviting him and Diana as a friends or something.”

“Unfortunately I do not know my father’s schedule.” Damian hummed. “I can call and ask if he or any of the family are going. While my siblings are complete Neanderthals, they might ease some of your boredom.”

“Or better yet…” Jon grinned. “Why don’t you just come with me? I’m sure no one will mind if I bring a plus-one. Besides, it’s been a while since you’ve been home too, right? Might be nice to see your dad.”

Damian laughed before he thought about it. “Absolutely not.”

And he wanted to absolutely stab himself, immediately, at the disappointment that flashed through Jon’s eyes, the way his smile faltered just a little. All because Damian laughed.

At him. In his face.

God, he was the worst.

“I mean,” Damian coughed. He slowly pulled Jon’s bowtie through its last loop, and then carefully tugged Theadora from Jon’s hair. “I’m on monitor duty tonight. And the girls are already out for their own night off.”

Jon’s grin, though it never disappeared, softened now. “D, when was the last time you took a night off?” Damian opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out because he didn’t have one. “The world would survive if all four of us were out acting like normal people for one night.”

“That’s how all apocalypse stories start, isn’t it?” Damian mumbled, keeping his gaze lowered. “Besides, if it’s like you said, half of the Justice League will be at this event. Someone needs to be out there watching.”

“No one said it had to be you.”

Damian glanced up, felt his cheeks warm as he realized Jon had stepped closer. Was staring gently down at him, that simple smile still on his face.

But Damian was a coward.

Emotions were a weakness. Wanting was selfish, and selfishness was unbecoming. Rejection was a useless pain and so easily avoidable.

He would not mess this up. He would not mess up one of the only friendships he had. He would not mess up Jon.

So he stepped back, an apologetic smile on his face. “Enjoy your party, Jonathan.”

He scurried from the room with his pets before he could see Jon frown.

~~

“Damian?!” Jon practically screamed, even over Maya’s attempts at soothing him. He smacked his hand against the door again. “D, please, just open the door!”

Damian, instead, turned away from it, rubbing his fist angrily against the tears pouring from his eyes.

“He just wants to help.” Kathy whispered from the desk. “You know him.”

“And he knows me.” Damian spat. “He knows better than to do this.”

“You just heard your mother might be dead, what else did you think he was going to do? Shrug it off and go play video games?” Kathy snapped back. “You’re his best friend, of course he’s going to want to comfort you. Take care of you.”

“I don’t need it. I don’t need comforted. I don’t need…” His face twisted in disgust. “Taken care of.” He shook his head. “I don’t even need you here.”

“Well, sucks I was there when Batman called and can move faster than you, huh?” Kathy smirked. “Jon may respect your boundaries, but that doesn’t mean I have to.” She let her smile drop. “Besides, I know what it’s like. Losing…questionable family. Not knowing how to feel about it. I…I get it.”

“…I know.” Damian sighed. Sniffed and ran his hand across his nose. “I know you do, Kathy. And I…despite everything, I do appreciate it.”

“Damian, please!” Jon whined.

“I can’t.” Damian whispered, twisting purposefully away from the door. “I…I can’t look at him right now.”

“Why, because he’s trying too hard? Or because he wouldn’t get it?”

“Both, maybe.” Damian shrugged, reaching for the tissue box on his nightstand. “And because…it’s embarrassing.”

“What is?”

“I’m mourning the not-yet-confirmed-death of a mass murderer, and here the son of fucking Superman wants to make sure I’m okay.” He shook his head. “This is not worth his time. I’m not worth his time. When’s he going to see that? Why does he think I am?”

“He’s your…best friend.” Kathy reiterated, but she seemed to struggle with the words. Like best friend wasn’t supposed to mean that. “He just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am okay. I’m always okay.” He dabbed the tissue at his eyes. “I have to always be okay.”

“Why, because you’re the son of Batman and anything less than okay is a weakness?” Kathy mocked. “I thought you were over that line of thinking. Years ago.”

“It’s…I am, it’s not just that, it’s…” Damian sighed, dropped to sit on the edge of his bed. He pulled the photo of him and his mother back into his hands, the one he’d had in his desk drawer up until his father had called. “If I’m okay, people think I’m good. That I’m a good person.” He gently touched Talia’s face. The smile was warm in this photo. It wasn’t always. “If I’m not okay. I’ll…then I’ll go back to being bad. I’ll lose control. I’ll…be that monster again. The one I used to be.”

Kathy blinked. “And?”

Damian waited a beat. Listened as Jon continued to bang on the door, desperately call his name.

“Jon deserves better than a monster as a best friend.” Damian whispered.

“Wha…that’s it? You have to be okay for his benefit?” Kathy drawled. “That is the most convoluted bullshit I’ve ever heard. Especially because Jon loves you no matter how messed up you are. Jon loves all of us, no matter how messed up we all are.”

Damian remained silent. Listened as Jon pleaded with him still to open the door.

“Meanwhile he’s crumbling at the mere idea that something’s wrong with you and he can’t personally fix it.” Kathy grumbled, standing from the chair. She paused there, for a moment, looking between Damian and the door. “…You know?”

Damian glanced up at her.

“If you asked me, it almost sounds like you’re more upset about upsetting Jon than your mother potentially being dead.”

Damian didn’t answer the accusation, just shrunk deeper into himself, into his own brain. Let guilt swirl in his gut, both for Jon and Talia.

He closed his eyes. He truly was a monster, wasn’t he? In more ways than one.

After another second, Kathy sighed, and Damian opened his eyes to see her moving. “…You two, I swear.”

Damian watched as she walked over to the door, throwing it open.

“Jon!” She yelled. Jon jerked back at her tone. “Give it a rest, okay?!” Gentler, as he lowered his hand. “He’s fine. He just needs a little time to himself.”

Jon, the epitome of a kicked puppy, glanced over Kathy’s shoulder. “D?”

Damian sniffed, wiped at his eye. “It’s fine, Jon. I’ll…be out later.”

“You shouldn’t be alone right now, D.” Jon rattled off immediately. “I can-”

“You can leave him alone.” Maya cut off, pulling Jon back. “Now you saw him, okay? With your own eyes. He is alive and he’s in his room.”

“Damian…”

“Don’t worry on my account, Jon. Please.” Damian tried, offering a weak smile. It just made Jon frown deeper. “I’m fine. In fact, feel free to take Kathy with you.” Kathy glanced back at him. “I give you full permission to give him all the details of my father’s phone call, and everything we’ve talked about, if you believe it will help.”

Kathy looked at him for a moment, then rolled her eyes.

“You need therapy.” She sighed. Then she turned to Jon. “Both of you.”

Jon blinked dumbly as she took his other arm and began to pull him down the hall. Maya leaned into the room to grab his doorknob and gave him a wink.

“Preferably some couples therapy.” She hummed. “And, like, soon. Or Kathy and I are gonna lose our minds.”

She pulled the door shut. Damian just sighed, rubbed at his tears, and stared at the picture of his maybe-dead mother.

~~

Damian Wayne didn’t dream.

He had nightmares. He had flashbacks, absolutely. He woke up in cold sweats, screaming, crying, whatever. You name it.

But he didn’t dream. He had nightmares, or nothing at all.

So…this didn’t make sense. This didn’t make any sense. He was lucid, he knew this wasn’t real. He recognized it as a dream.

Because he didn’t own an antique shop.

But here he was, behind the counter of one, refurbishing an old cabinet, carefully painting along its edges, listening contently as a pair of customers were rung up.

By…by Jon.

“Thanks for stopping by K.W. and Sons. Have a great day!” He called as the old couple waved and walked out the front door, bell above the door chiming. As soon as the door slammed shut, Jon gave a happy sigh. Damian, still facing the cabinet, sensed more than heard Jon turn around. “…I still can’t believe you did it.”

“Hm?” Was all the response Damian had.

“I cannot believe you found the book Mr. Hamada used to propose to his wife.” Suddenly there was a weight on Damian’s back, arms wrapping around his waist. “Like…how do you find that? How do you even know where to start looking? They didn’t even realize they’d accidentally given it away until three years after the fact!”

“Well, for starters,” Damian laughed as Jon kissed his cheek. “It’s nice to know a private detective or two. Then it’s just a simple retracing of steps.” Damian placed his paintbrush along the edge of his paint tray. “Also – the internet is a great tool. There’s only so many books with the phrase ‘will you marry me?’ written in English and Japanese in the front cover. That kind of thing goes viral all the time.”

Jon hummed, leaning his chin into Damian’s shoulder. “Mrs. Hamada cried when I brought it out. It was sweet.”

“Such a shame I missed it.” Damian drawled cheekily. Jon squeezed his sides.

“Don’t be rude.”

Damian turned his head, keeping his smirk. “You love it when I’m rude.”

Jon hummed again, glancing downwards. Damian was so distracted by the lashes splaying across his rosy cheeks that he didn’t notice Jon dipping his finger into the pastel teal paint until he was dabbing it against his nose.

“I don’t know if I said love.”

“I don’t know.” Damian said thoughtfully, leaning over until his nose brushed Jon’s, smearing the paint against his skin as well. “I think you did.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“Nuh-uh, times a thousand.” Jon countered, dragging his nose along Damian’s jaw to make a bigger mess. At the same time, he squeezed Damian’s torso again in an attempted tickle. “No take-backsies.”

And despite the childishness, Damian laughed, leaned into Jon’s embrace. Accepted paint-filled butterfly kisses and real ones too. Gently twisted in Jon’s arms to face him completely, and take a tender hold of Jon’s face.

He had a beard here. A small one. And it was graying. How old were they? Do you age in dreams? Damian found himself not caring.

He let his laugh drop into a sigh, stroking a thumb across Jon’s face as he stared into his eyes. After a moment, he smiled. “I love you.”

Jon beamed. Like it was the first time he’d ever heard it. Like it was the only thing he ever wanted to hear in his whole life. He pressed his forehead to Damian’s and closed his eyes. “I-”

“I love you too.”

Damian jerked, his head shooting up.

Wha…what?

He blinked rapidly, wiping at his lip instinctively. There was drool there. Since when did he drool while he slept?

Since when was he sleeping?

He blinked a few more times, the room becoming clearer. It was still a dark space, but he recognized it. Their apartment living room. The girls were in the loveseat nearby, also asleep. There was light coming from the TV across the room.

Oh yeah. It was their monthly team movie night.

“You okay?” Came a whisper to his right. He flinched again, spinning around to see Jon staring down at him with an amused look. Damian let his eyes dart around, and the situation became clear.

He’d fallen asleep during the movie. On Jon’s shoulder.

And dear god, he was drooling.

“Uh…y-yeah.” Damian stuttered, throat dry. “Is the movie over?”

“Just about. Guess I’m the only one who made it.” Jon laughed softly. “I don’t blame you though. It’s pretty boring.”

Damian nodded silently, trying to look at anything but Jon. Glanced over to their teammates. No modesty there, Maya had Kathy’s head pressed to her breasts, her own legs contorted around Kathy’s waist. He frowned – there was no way that was comfortable for either of them. Freaks.

“You can…uh…go back to sleep, if you want.” Jon murmured. Damian turned back to him as he yawned. “I was about to fall asleep myself, actually. And…honestly, I don’t feel like getting up to go back to my own bed.” Even in the dark, Damian noticed Jon’s cheeks brighten. “And, uh…you’re warm.”

Damian smirked. “That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Jon snorted, fiddling with a nearby blanket, and throwing it over the both of them as Damian resituated himself closer. Without a word, Jon slouched, throwing his arm across the back of the sofa, forcing Damian closer into his side.

“Team slumber party.” Jon said absently. “Been a while since the four of us did one of these.”

“Indeed.” Damian breathed. His heart was pounding as dared to lay his head back on Jon’s shoulder. Waited for the other shoe to drop, waited for Jon to say something. To tell him off.

Instead, Jon just…leaned his head against Damian’s in return. Whispered: “Goodnight, Damian.”

Damian – giddy, frozen, and oh-so pleased – just closed his eyes once more.

“…Goodnight, Jon.”

[janekfan]

aah i just sent this prompt but tumblr told me it didn't send so if it sent twice ignore this!! so prompt: how about early s2, where jon is pulling away a bit but the others are concerned about it more than angry, getting a horrific migraine. like "has to leave a team meeting early" horrific. and the others know he wants to be left alone and try to respect it, but eventually they can't just ignore it anymore. <3 if you don't like this i can try again!

Oof, migraines. Amiright??? This is based on a personal experience of mine I had in college :D

My whole floor thought I was dying and almost dragged me to the hospital.

Thank you @taylortut as always for giving me such great ideas! :D

Looking back, Jon felt incredibly foolish.

Insisting that he could persist through his day without taking medication for headaches when it resulted in the same outcome every time was the very definition of insanity.

But, in his flimsy defense, they never started out badly and he got so caught up in his work that by the time he realized what was happening, it was far, far too late to do anything but suffer it out until it ended. Which is how he found himself here, now, nearly completely blind in his right eye while Elias droned on about workplace safety and considering recent events it seemed laughably mundane because yes, back strain from lifting incorrectly certainly outweighed a sentient worm queen trying to devour your assistants.

Filled with a desperate desire to rub away the disorientating blind spot, Jon let his focus slip over his employees.

Tim: bored. Not doing anything to hide it and Jon supposed he was at fault for that too, because he was certainly not paying Elias any mind.

Sasha: attentive. Most likely thinking of something else entirely while she nodded along to the lecture notes at the appropriate places.

Martin: engrossed. Despite his suspicions, mostly due to the constant checking in with him about how he was feeling, and really, maybe that was on him because maybe that’s what coworkers did after bravely surviving an onslaught of supernatural entities together. Despite them, he found it. Pleasant? Pleasant. That he would commit the effort to pay such careful attention.

Jon: quickly realizing this meeting would not be finished by the time the majority of the pain struck him like an oncoming lorry. By his estimations, based on when he first noticed the aura as a funny spot in his peripheral he tried to see around, he had roughly three minutes left.

Elias continued to endlessly intone while the buzzing lights continued to beat down on him and Jon fought against closing his eyes against them both and their ceaseless stabbing. Two minutes. Probably less and the anxiety which accompanied knowing almost exactly when he was about to be incapacitated rose like a tide and threatened to drag him under. Jon began to shake minutely as the agony manifested like an icepick in the back of his head and spread its grasping, greedy fingers. It took the rest of his very limited restraint to stay silent and keep breathing; shallow and slow, controlled and careful because the nausea was beginning to set in and throwing up during a staff meeting was at the very least, unwise.

But oh he needed somewhere silent, somewhere he could hide in total darkness and not move until he was able to force himself to sleep, to sleep, to sleep because that was the only way he’d found to make it through to the other side.

“Jon?” He was standing, blinking unevenly, fighting with himself and his desire to shield his face with both hands. The sound of his name was too loud. So loud and the murmuring of the others in the room created a beautiful sensory nightmare and if they knew his head was about to split open would they really be speaking so loudly? Doubtful. Martin. Martin wouldn’t at least.

“I’m leaving.” Inadequate, but he didn’t have the wherewithal to elaborate even if in his right mind he wouldn’t. And this wasn’t even the worst of it.

Each step was a rung up the ladder of agony and he’d taken to trailing a hand against the wall, not trusting his quickly dwindling balance and equilibrium. Rudely, without his express permission, a sob snuck past his clenched teeth and he just had to make it down the stairs, into the archives. Into the dark. The cot was still in document storage and the room would be dim and quiet and he could sleep. Please, let him sleep. Trembling so badly he could barely work the door handle, desperation doing its level best to claw its way through his ribcage, Jon began to panic. Gently, gently, gently, he closed the door behind him, trying to breathe because not breathing would make it worse. The buttons at his throat were so tight, the vest, while comfortable this morning was strangling him and he fought his way out of it like a tiger before all but tearing open his collar.

Sh. Shh. You’re alright. Shaky. Ill. But alright and you will be alright. Jon collapsed to the cot, sighing at the momentary relief laying down provided but there was still so much light and it was like glass behind his eyes even though they were closed as tightly as he dared close them. The blanket that had been left behind was very contradictory, too much and not nearly enough, and when it brushed the bare skin of his arms it felt like sandpaper but he wanted more of it. More weight so he could relax without feeling as though he was going to drift away because who even knew which way was up anymore? If he hadn’t left the meeting, he could’ve asked.

Don’t cry. Do. Not. Jonathan Sims. It made it worse, so much worse so he kept his tears trapped behind a false calm. Each time he’d thought he would die from one of these or at the very least prefer it and each time he woke the next day groggy and sore and exhausted, useless for anything except more sleep. He dropped his glasses on the floor, hugged his middle with one arm and threw the other over his face.

Please, please, please.

Just go to sleep.

“I’ll thank the rest of you for continued attention.” Martin nodded absently, worried. Jon didn’t just walk out of meetings. And he’d been so pale, rubbing his temple and wincing. A bad headache? He got those sometimes.

Didn’t like to be bothered about them either.

He caught Tim staring at him over the table, done with his paperclip sculpture for now it seemed, and he nodded just slightly toward the door with a questioning look. Martin just shrugged discreetly, now too distracted to pay attention to whatever Elias deemed important enough to waste their time with after an attack on the archives. Needless to say, the rest of the hour passed excruciatingly slow and as soon as they were released, Martin headed straight for Jon’s office, momentarily confused when it was empty.

“Not there?” Martin shook his head and Tim frowned in concern. “The cot? Maybe he needed a lie down?”

“You’re probably right.”

“Still strange.” He nodded in agreement, already headed to check, knocking quietly on the worn wood.

“Jon?” Martin swore he heard something suspiciously like a whimper before his voice floated through the door.

“Yes, Martin?” It was strange, off, wavery? The tail end of a gasping breath.

“You just, you left in such a hurry.” He’d give anything to open the door and see for himself. “Are you feeling well?”

“I’m. Yes, Martin, I’m, I’m alright.” Jon was many things, a good liar was not one of them, but he was the type to lick his wounds alone, preferring not to show any vulnerability and Martin would respect it. “Bit tired.”

“Okay, I’ll. Check on you in a bit then. Bring some tea.”

“Yes, alright.” Despite his worry, Martin smiled at the tiny familiar spark of frustration.

When Martin spoke his voice seemed to echo in the hollows of Jon’s bones, reverberating into his head and only exacerbating the throbbing pain, not even really aware of what he was saying, just trying to get him to go away so he could be as still as possible in silence. The more he moved, the more it felt like his stomach was trying to turn inside out and the fear of moving, of being sick, of causing himself more hurt, made tears sting at the corners of his eyes, made him itch where they slipped down his face.

If it would just stop for a moment. If he could just fall asleep. Calm down. Stand to have anything against his skin right now.

He wanted to be alone and not be alone. Wanted Martin or Tim or Sasha to, to, he didn’t know, just wanted. The strange disconnect from his physical body was maddening, confusing, and he wanted so badly for it to please stop.

When Martin looked up, Sasha was so close to his desk he startled. He hadn’t heard her but she looked worried.

“I don’t think Jon is feeling very well.”

“I don’t think so either.”

“He’s been in there all day.” Tim joined them. “Maybe we should check on him again?” Martin looked at the clock. It had been hours since he’d talked to him and he had yet to reappear.

“You’re probably right.” This time, it was definitely a hurting sound and Martin decided it was for Jon’s own good to let himself in. He’d only just recovered from Prentiss, what if the stress had made him ill? “Jon?” He was curled into himself on the cot, clothes in disarray, vest discarded and half the blanket piled atop his face. When the door closed, Jon clapped his hand over his ear, the other tangled into his button down so tight Martin was afraid he’d pop the buttons. “You’re shaking.”

“Mmartin…” the barest exhale, pleading. “S’loud…so...so loud…”

“Okay, okay, what’s wrong?” He knelt beside him, resting his hand over Jon’s. “How can I help?”

“Jus’...jus’ need t’sleep.” Shuddering, his breath caught, was released, uneven, fast, gasping. “Can’t.” He decided at that moment that sound should never come from Jon again, not if ever he could help it and the fingers that had been digging into his greying hair were now clutching Martin’s.

“Okay. I’m coming back.” Jon seemed to collapse inward like a star and it was hard to leave him but he’d seen migraines before and it had been hours since what he guessed was the onset. “Tim, do you have any paracetamol?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Jon’s not well, of course.”

“Figures.”

“This time I really think it wasn’t his fault. These things sometimes come on suddenly.” Tim grumbled, digging through his desk and heading with Martin to the breakroom for some water, waiting while he brewed a strong black tea.

“He gets a pass. One time, Martin. This one time.” While the tea cooled Martin retrieved a few cloths from the drawer and a bowl of water.

“He needs quiet. Everything is really overwhelming right now. A lot of input and nowhere for it to go.”

“You’re the boss, Marto.” With a jaunty salute, Tim followed, staying calm and quiet, kneeling down to Jon’s level before whispering a greeting. “Hey. Gonna get you fixed right up.”

“Nnng…okay.”

“Jon? We’re going to help you sit up.” With no refusal forthcoming, Tim and Martin shared a look of alarm before lifting him as though he were made of spun glass and he buried his face in Martin’s soft, well worn jumper. “Good, Jon.” Martin pressed his palm against his forehead and found it cold and a little clammy, his clothes clung slightly with sweat and it seemed like he had trouble coordinating his limbs.

“Hur’s…” trembling, his muscles spasmed randomly, and Tim had to help hold his hand steady enough for a dose of paracetamol while Martin followed quickly with the bitter tea, washing the taste away with a sip of water.

“Okay, love. Doing such a good job. Almost done.” More tears. He went to nod, instead ending up with his head hanging, neck too tired to hold it up any longer and Martin eased him back down onto the pillow. “Let me know if this is too much.” He wrung out a flannel and smoothed it over his eyes, pleased when Jon groaned in slight relief. Tim stroked his hair, soft and slow, and together they waited, watched his shivering gradually stop and his breath deepen into sleep.

Sasha met them outside the door and Martin stepped further down the hall, just in case they were loud enough to wake him.

“Well?”

“He’s asleep, bad migraine.” Martin winced in sympathy, “and hopefully he’ll sleep through until morning.”

“That’s a relief.” Collectively, they agreed. Jon had been under a lot of pressure lately and while he’d never been one to confide in them often even those moments were becoming rare

Jon felt heavy, tired and slow, and when Martin opened the door with a mug of tea in one hand and a plate of toast in the other, he reasoned that he hadn’t dreamt the entirety of the day previous. Which meant he did sit through most of Elias’ dry speech about safety.

Embarrassing. To have walked out like that.

“Martin.” The memory of gentle hands and a soft voice made him flush.

“Jon, how’re you feeling?”

“Better, uh, much better. Thank you.” Sitting up was only somewhat a chore, the dizziness faded into the background for the most part. The fogginess was expected and would last a few days but for now he accepted the tea graciously, eyed the toast suspiciously, and settled on another round of painkillers and a few mouthfuls until he thought he might be pushing it. “Thank you, Martin.” He’d been in a bad way and at his wit’s end before he and Tim essentially rescued him. Passing back the empty mug and setting the remaining toast aside, Jon decided he deserved a lie in especially considering he was in that fragile inbetween where turning his head too fast would trigger another one. “If you see Tim before me, would you pass on my gratitude?”

“‘Course I will” Martin retrieved the dishes and turned back before closing the door. “Sleep well, Jon.”

[ellynneversweet]

How did you decide on the daemons you did for the Bennet sisters?

Oh that’s something that takes some answering, thank you :D. I tend to pick and choose between religious and heraldic symbolism, cultural associations, puns, but I’ve got a bunch of loose ground rules that narrow things down based on age, social standing, gender, etc — it depends on the character. Starting with broad strokes:

Aristocrats and their families really pride themselves on big-cat daemons, which neatly ties up:  Darcy and his cheetah daemon; Lord Asriel and Stelmaria; and the long and storied history of British monarchs representing themselves /the state with lion symbolism.

Following from that, the more important you (think) you are, the larger and more baroque your daemon tends to be. In Mr Bennet’s case, his bear daemon is so large as to be practically disabling, since the accomodations necessarily required to manage his lifestyle are barely within budget (story of Mr Bennet’s life), but he’s also someone who has social power and doesn’t use it.

The enlightenment arguments about concepts of the self as an individual distinct from the society it springs from, and the interest in the scientific community in exploration in classification that were happening at about this time should clash in the public imagination with more old-fashioned heraldic concepts of what it means to have your inner self on display. And, while I had a lot of issues with The Secret Commonwealth, I did think it was interesting that Pullman suggested people mostly knew what animal their daemon looked like, and that’s something take into account at a time when your average person would not be expected to be widely informed on the fauna outside their own home region. So some people are very traditional and conformist (the Fitzwilliams), some people try to game the system on their or their children’s behalf (Jane, to an extent), some would prefer to see the whole thing stripped of artifice or otherwise romanticise the idea of more instinctive and naturalistic (Darcy very much, Elizabeth slightly less so), some don’t think too much about it and  just go with the flow  (Charlotte).

Witches and magicians (almost) always have bird daemons, per HDM and also because of the consistent association of birds with magic in JS&MN, particularly ravens. So Jonathan Strange has a blue jay daemon, because blue jays are corvids but they don’t look it, and Strange is a very good magician but tends not to look it on on introduction.On the other end of the size scale, Mrs Bennet’s dalmatian pelican daemon is springs from catholic imagery in which pelicans are symbolic of self-sacrificing motherhood, based on a medieval belief that pelicans pecked their chests bloody to feed their chicks with their own blood. Since this is absolutely not true of pelican behaviour, and since pelicans in life (enormous, smelly, loud) are much less romantic and attractive than that imagery suggests , I figure it works both with what Mrs Bennet would like to believe about herself and how she actually is.

Which necessarily leads to the Bennet girls all having bird daemons, conveniently narrowing the field of possibilities.

For Jane, whose daemon is a hyacinth macaw, I wanted a tension between outward conformity to the role of perfect daughter and gentlewoman, and someone who has hidden depths. Bright bird daemons are very much in vogue for ladies — think parrots and birds of paradise — so she fits that mould, with an elegant and beautiful daemon; but on the other hand hyacinth macaws are much bigger, cleverer and more powerful than your average parrot, they’re less immediately eye-catching and surprisingly good at camouflaging themselves. They’re also (by parrot standards) relatively patient, even-tempered and shy, and they pair-bond quite strongly in addition to being generally social, but they can be destructive when they’re unhappy, and Jane, I think, quietly excels at self-destruction. The backstory that may or may not make it into the fic itself was that Jane spent a lot of time in her mid-teens being dragged around town to every menagerie and museum Mrs Bennet could manage to get tickets to, mostly without Elizabeth, feeling miserably shy and self-conscious because people kept staring at her. She saw a very lonely macaw (via a Portuguese trader Uncle Gardiner knew) trying unsuccessfully to hide from massive crowds in a showy display, and felt a sort of immediate empathy with it which, erm, stuck.

For Elizabeth, whose daemon is a gyrfalcon and, unlike Jane, a complete accident, I riffed a bit off Darcy. So, something fast (and, importantly, faster than a cheetah), independent and aggressive, but also beautiful, playful and charming — archness and sweetness, you know? Gyrfalcons are beautiful and quite acrobatic, and (pun incoming) their scientific name (falco rusticolus) means countryside dweller. They’re endemic to both England and the arctic areas that the witches are associated with, suiting Elizabeth and her interest in her foreign grandmother. They’ve also got a long association with the uppermost echelons of society, being the valued possession of kings and generally a mark of high honour to associate with in any capacity. (Darcy, whose family still regard themselves basically as vassals of the Raven King, absolutely knows what a gyrfalcon looks like and what it implies, but unfortunately rushed to judgement too soon. He’s in for a hard time sorrynotsorry)

For Mary, (short-eared owl), an owl was the obvious choice, given the association with seeking wisdom, if not necessarily finding it — I admit to a bit of petty amusement at the way owls are not, in fact, particularly bright birds, despite their reputations. Barn owls and snowy owls, while lovely, are just super over-done, and for Mary I wanted something little bit silly, too big and too drab in his colouring to be fashionable, but not fierce enough to command admiration. I figured by this point in their parenting career Mr&Mrs Bennet had moved on from dragging the girls around town, and what encouragement they got to consider the wonders of the natural world consisted of being pointed at the door and told not to come inside until dinner, maybe a  new book of illustrated plates if Mr Bennet thought it was interesting enough to buy. Short-eared owls are pretty commonplace in huge parts of the world, including the UK, so it’s quite likely that Mary would have come across them even with limited resources.

For Kitty, I admit that I don’t have a sub-species quite nailed — he’s a pink hummingbird, but that’s colouration rather than a specific type (possibly a bronze-tailed comet or a red-tailed comet). He’s pretty, tiny, silly and annoying, (‘for heaven’s sake stop buzzing about at breakfast! My poor nerves, etc etc’), which seemed a natural fit for Kitty. However, hummingbirds are also associated with the souls of dead warriors in Aztec mythology (although admittedly my knowledge in that field is woefully thin), and as Kitty has a fair bit of fight in her and absolutely no ability to pick her battles, her daemon would naturally be the sort of animal that starts fights they have absolutely no ability to win.

As for Lydia, well — she’s still working it out, in her own special way. 

[lxmcs]

·ﾟﾟ·。𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 WESLEY NOTT, the ELEVENTH year RAVENCLAW student ! i hear that the TWENTY year old is known to be ELOQUENT and GENTLE and also very PRETENTIOUS and COWARDLY. however, if you ask me, the fact that they are a PUREBLOOD and leaning towards the side of the NEUTRAL (ORDER-LEANING) is a lot more telling.

                                                         FULL BIO | PINTEREST

tw; mentions of physical & mental abuse, and death throughout

tldr; bio: born to a wealthy pureblood family, wesley is the youngest of 3 boys. tragically, his mother mysteriously and suddenly passed 3 short months after having him due to complications from his birth. his older brothers always saw him as the reason their mother passed and took to mentally and physically tormenting him. his father jonathan — a cruel, sadistic man who saw his children more as pawns than sons — saw only wesley’s weakness and that he never fought back. wesley has seen first had that magic can be cruel, but it can also be kind. the family maid sophia and house elf bixby did their best to protect and heal wesley from all he endured. it’s because of them that wesley has persisted and decided to become a healer. he is entering his eleventh year and interning with st. mungo’s, though his father thinks he’s studying with the ministry. meanwhile, john and wesley’s brothers impatiently wait for him to graduate so the entire nott family can pledge their allegiance to the dark lord. except wesley has no intention of joining the death eaters — he’s just too afraid to confront his family. 

B A S I C S —

NAME: wesley emerson nott GENDER: cis-male PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: november 1 ZODIAC: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, leo rising FAMILY: jonathan nott (father), anastasia nott (mother), dorian nott (brother), gideon nott (brother) MBTI: istj SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demisexual

P E R S O N A L I T Y —

+ eloquent, gentle, pacifist, patient, resilient, loyal, intelligent, creative, cultured, honorable, thoughtful, observant

– cowardly, pretentious, know-it-all, pessimistic, blunt, unfriendly, crass, distant, deceptive, reclusive, conceited, unforgiving

H E A D C A N O N S —

he’s a complicated and misunderstood guy

part of that is his own doing, with the biting wit and sarcasm he uses to keep people at a distance

and part of it is due to his family’s reputation

dorian and gideon were definitely bullies and elitists throughout their hogwarts years

so when the third nott boy showed up and was sorted into ravenclaw

people were shocked

he proved to be nothing like his brothers, but for some that sharp tongue was enough to stay away

he is such a fucking coward

like…he’ll be brave eventually, but he’d sooner run away from his problems than confront them

he’s building himself up to this big confrontation with his family

where he’d denounce them and the nott name

but he’d just as sooner run away and vanish with his tail between his legs

he doesn’t know what to do

but he’s putting it off as long as he can

his views on the war and blood status are very egalitarian

he thinks that everyone is equal, and than muggles or muggleborns are no less than purebloods

his views were mostly shaped by sophia the family maid and bixby the house elf

they saw the bruised and battered, broken boy and took him into their hearts

it’s through their kindness that he survived as long as he has

jonathan would blatantly turn a blind eye to the torment dorian and gideon put wesley through

wesley had never shown an advanced affinity for magic like his brothers did

so john had no interest in him

what wesley was actually gifted at was healing magic

they were some of the first spells he witnessed (beyond the cruel ones his brothers would use on him)

sophia motivated him to study healing magic

to this day wesley has the gentlest touch

his bark is 100% worst than his bite

he never fought back to any of his brother’s cruelty

he’s actually a pacifist, he doesn’t feel right resorting to violence

the spells that he’s perfected are defensive in nature

he craves love and acceptance more than anything else

he’s so fucking touch starved

he flinches and tenses up as soon as anyone touches him

but just melts into it once he realizes it’s a kind touch

please give him a hug

he’s so loyal. it’s difficult to become his friend, but once you are he’d do anything for you

he has a soft spot for unyieldingly kind people

he can’t help but open himself up to those who show him unrelenting warmth

is NOT brave or adventurous

not a fan of pranks

tbh?? doesn’t have the biggest sense of humor

he’s kind of pretentious

very droll and dry in his humor, not at all a goofball

he’s too uptight to be a goofball

although he doesn’t judge on blood status or wealth

he does ABSOLUTELY judge people who act like fools

probably wouldn’t be friends with a goofball jokester

beyond grumbling at them

drinks tea

wears suits and always has his uniform tie

very proper and takes etiquette very seriously

but he sees value in the “simple” things in life

he’s just never experienced them

but he’d be willing to learn!

he’s most comfortable, at ease and himself when he’s healing

that’s when he takes off the tie, rolls up his sleeves, and gets his hands dirty

and he’s very good at flying

sometimes you can catch him around the quidditch field after the teams have finished practice

but he doesn’t play, he’s not very sporty

he has a crup named salem

she’s very social and she forces him to meet people by running up to greet them

he just got her recently (he’d wanted a crup for a while, but he’d never have a pet while he still lived in his father’s home… not with dorian and gideon around.)

VERY rarely smiles

has a resting bitch face

but when he does smile and it’s sincere

god it’s like the sun is shining through on a cloudy day

C O N N E C T I O N S —

(friends) — it’s not an easy thing to become. wesley’s difficult upbringing caused him to develop sturdy walls and a venomous tongue to keep his tender heart safe. however, if you managed to make it past those defenses, he is one of the most loyal, trustworthy, gentle people you’ll ever meet. he’ll still bluntly tell you your outfit is hideous, and he’s a bit pretentious, but he has a heart of gold. 

(death eaters) — because of his family, and because he’s never said anything to the contrary, many believe that wesley sides with and plans to become a death eater. this couldn’t be further from the truth; however, wesley never confirms nor denies his allegiance for fear it will make its way back to his father. this has caused some death eaters or those siding with them to treat him either like a comrade, or a source of suspicion. he never participates in discussions, and he certainly isn’t friendly. but he isn’t “friendly” with anyone. 

(enemies) — he’s certainly not an amiable, likable man. he’s cold and distant at face value, conceited and harsh, and most of the words out of his mouth have a cruel bite. it wouldn’t be tough to imagine that people wouldn’t be interested in trying to see what’s underneath that defensive exterior and took his cruelty at face value. maybe they knew his brothers, who were well known for tormenting him and others while they attended hogwarts. either way, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had some people sneering his way.

(mended wounds) — wesley is studying to be a healer by interning at st. mungo’s, but before this year he could often be found learning from the matron of hogwarts herself madame pomfrey. he was a talented healer, and it’s safe to say that perhaps he’s done his fair share of healing if someone needed it. maybe he came across someone his brother’s bullied, or watched a classmate have a bad accident while flying. in either case, wesley’s gentle, healing touch is a stark contract to his sharp exterior. 

(childhood friend) — a confidant for wesley. they came from a well-known family and found solace in one another’s lack of desire to be a part of the torment they both most likely went through. they were the one person who saw first hand the damage wesley’s brothers did to him, and felt relief and joy along with him when the sorting hat put him in ravenclaw instead of slytherin. 

[zoocross0vers]

A Zootopian Christmas Carol Part 3: The Present

A/N: The next chapter, yes! Apologies for releasing this after December. I really wanted to finish these remaining chapters before the month (and year) were over, but I really didn’t have much free time during the last few days of December. Had family visits and then New Years so…

Regardless, I hope you enjoy and I wish you all a Happy New Year and happy start of a new decade! 2020! :D

FF.net Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13461657/3/A-Zootopian-Christmas-Carol

…

Chapter 3: The Present

Bogo sat at his bed, gripping his head with remorse, “How could I let her go like that? Why was I so foolish? Why, why?!” he cried to himself.

He pressed his head against his hooves when he noticed a light suddenly appear from a slit between his bed’s curtains. “What in the...?” 

“Bogo...hahahaha!” he heard a loud, echoing giddy giggle call to him. He swallowed hard and hesitantly opened his bed’s curtains. He peeked out and saw that his bedroom had been decorated with Christmas decorations, warm candle lights, and a large array of food spread all throughout. “Wha--Where did all of this come from?”

“Over here Bogo, hahahaha!” called the source of the giddy laughter from the corner of his bedroom. The buffalo turned to see who it was and spotted an enormous chubby cheetah with a thick mistletoe crown and a large green robe. Bogo stepped out of his bed and approached the big cheetah who was currently wolfing down a whole chocolate cake. “Hi there,” he said between bites. “Cake?” he offered the buffalo a whole strawberry cake that he had in his other paw. 

“Uh, no thank you,” replied the buffalo, disgusted by the cheetah as he spewed crumbs all over his face while he spoke. “Who are you supposed to be?”

“Why I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present!” announced the cheetah with a chipper smile.

“Present?” Bogo looked at his surroundings, “May I ask, what does food have to do with the present time?”

“Oh,” the cheetah licked his fingers, “Everything! All that you see here, is the food of generosity, which you Bogo, have denied your fellow mammal.”

“Generosity? Bah! What point is there to show generosity when all mammalkind is selfish and greedy deep down?”

“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?” asked the cheetah.

Bogo glared at him, insulted. “In any case, no mammal has ever shown me generosity.”

“You’ve never given them reason to,” scolded the cheetah. “But believe it or not, there are still some mammals out there who can find enough warmth in their hearts, even for a miser-able miser like you. No wait, is it pronounced miser-able or miserable? Mis-rable? No, no wait that's not right.”

Bogo rolled his eyes in annoyance, “Spirit! Can we please carry on with whatever lesson it is you’re supposed to teach me?”

“Oh, right!” the cheetah wolfed down the last chunk of cake that he had left in his paw. He lifted his paws up, “Go on, touch my robe!”

“Come again?” Bogo asked uncomfortably.

“Touch my robe. It's the only way to transport us to our destination!” he announced innocently.

Bogo sighed, hesitantly giving in, “Very well then.” The buffalo placed a hoof on the chubby cheetah's stomach. The cheetah then lifted his arms and a flurry of sparkling snow circled around them, teleporting them just outside a poor, modest house -- on early Christmas morning. “Where are we? And...is it daylight already?” Bogo asked, noticing the bright blue sky and sunlight bouncing off the bright white snow.

“That's right Bogo, it's Christmas morning!” confirmed the chubby cheetah.

All around him, Bogo saw mammals carrying gifts, shoveling snow and wishing one another a chipper, “Merry Christmas!”

Bogo remained stunned at everything around him, until the cheetah spoke again. “It's a beautiful morning, isn't it? Ooh and look at all the food,” said the cheetah as a wealthy elephant couple walked out of a food shop, carrying a large carrot cake which could easily feed thirty rabbits. At the same food shop there was a large salmon dinner on display at one of the windows and another large carrot cake on display at the other window.

“Yes I suppose this is all nice, but what does this Christmas cheer have to do with me? What am I to learn from what I see every year outside my counting house’s window?” Bogo asked confused.

“You may see all this joyful Christmas cheer outside your wealthy window, but I’ll bet you’ve never wondered what goes on inside the windows of others less fortunate than yourself,” said the chubby spirit as he turned Bogo around to face the small, poor house again. 

“What is so important about what goes on in this place?” Bogo asked, annoyed.

“This is the home of your overworked, underpaid employee, Nicholas Wilde,” answered the cheetah. “Come on, let's go inside.” The cheetah took Bogo's arm and led him inside through the wall.

Inside, Bogo and the spirit saw Nicholas’ family as they all busied themselves with some sort of Christmas activity. At one corner of the room, they saw a brown rabbit in his late fifties/early sixties sitting by a small, simple Christmas tree. This was Stu Hopps, Nicholas’ father-in-law and his wife Judith’s, father. He placed popcorn pieces into a needle and string on one end, while at the other end, his hybrid grandchildren placed more pieces along the other end. His mixed grandchildren were half fox and half rabbit.

There were two boys, both of which looked almost entirely like foxes and one girl, she looked almost entirely rabbit. Of the boys, there was James Nicholas Wilde, the oldest at age eight -- he had gray fur and amethyst colored eyes like his mother, fox-like ears but narrower and longer in length, and he had a white line running along the bottom part of his tail, but with a black tip at the end. The other boy, Jonathan Stuart Wilde, age seven and named after both his grandfathers, looked almost identical to his older brother, with the only exceptions being that both his ears were fully black, he lacked a white line beneath his tail, and he had emerald eyes like his father. Their younger sister, and Nicholas’ only daughter, had her father’s full red and black fur color scheme, as well as his paw pads, but she had her mother’s amethyst colored eyes. This was little four year old, Felicia Judith Wilde.

James took the finished garland and placed it along the tree, “Like this grandpa Stu?” he asked the brown rabbit. 

“Yup, just be sure to keep it even as you go along there, son,” Stu stood up to help him.

From the kitchen, out came Bonnie Hopps (Stu’s wife and Judith’s mother) and Amelia Wilde, Nicholas’ mother. The two carried empty bowls to fill with the carrot stew brewing at the chimney for their Christmas morning feast. “Johnny-Stu, don’t eat the popcorn dear, that’s for the tree,” said Amelia to her young grandson. 

The little kit dropped the pawful of popcorn that he had just picked up and swallowed what he had in his mouth. “Sorry grandma Amelia.”

“Stu don’t you think that’s enough popcorn for the tree?” asked Bonnie Hopps of her husband. 

“Nonsense Bon, you can never have enough popcorn on a tree, aren't I right kits?” 

“Right grandpa!” squeaked the kits in agreement.

At the corner near the door, the chubby cheetah gave a high pitched squeal, “Awwww! I’ve never seen hybrid kits before! They’re just so adorable!”

“Yes, I suppose they are rather cute,” said Bogo without much care -- even though deep down he did think that they were adorable. “But what does this wholesome scene have anything to do with me?”

“You’ll see,” replied the cheetah, “Just keep watching.”

At that moment, Judith Wilde (née Hopps) entered alongside her father-in-law, Jonathan Wilde. The rabbit and fox both carried the end of two large suits -- an elephant sized one, and a cape buffalo sized one. “Mama! Grandpa Jonathan!” The kits ran over excitedly to their mother and grandfather. Judith Wilde looked identical to her mother in both fur and eye color, but Judith was much thinner and a bit of a curvier frame. Jonathan Wilde meanwhile, looked almost identical to his son, but he had blue eyes rather than green ones like his son and wife.

Judith giggled and released her end of the suits in order to crouch down and hug her happy children. “Hi kids, have you been behaving for your grandparents?” 

“Yes mama!” the three chirped in unison.

“We were decorating the tree with grandpa Stu!” added little Felicia.

“Hey, Jude!” called Stu to his daughter with a wave. “How’s it lookin’?” he asked regarding the tree.

“It’s looking great!” she replied with a smile. She turned back down to face her children, “Where’s your father and Tiny Finn?”

“They went to church,” replied Amelia for the children.

“Church?” Judith asked in surprise. “That’s a first,” she giggled. “I’m normally the one who has to drag Nicholas go to church in the first place.”

Amelia giggled, “Yes I know, but it was Tiny Finn who insisted.”

“Yeah, it was Finn who asked Papa to take him,” confirmed James for his grandmother. 

“Imagine that,” Judith replied as she released her children from her arms. 

Jonathan placed the large suits on one of the dinner table’s chairs. He kissed his wife on the cheek, “How’s the food coming along, dear?” 

“Delicious. I hope you have an appetite,” she replied with a smile. “How were the sales today? Did Mr. Jumbeaux like his suit?”

“Uh...not exactly,” Jonathan replied, glancing over to the elephant sized suit. Amelia’s eyes widened at the sight of it. 

“You didn’t sell it to him? Was he not home?”

“Um...well,” before Jonathan could explain, Felicia and Johnny-Stu grabbed at his paws.

“Come on grandpa Jonathan! Come help us with the tree!” squeaked Felicia as she and her brother pulled at their grandfather’s paws.

“I guess I’ll have to explain later,” the fox chuckled and allowed the kits to pull him over to the tree.

The two does and vixen laughed at the adorable scene. Bonnie saw the small cauldron at the chimney start to bubble and boil. “Oh looks like the carrot stew is ready. Care to help us out with the rest of the food, Judith?” Bonnie asked her daughter.

“Sure,” the three females disappeared into the next room.

“So that young rabbit is Wilde’s wife, eh?” Bogo asked curiously.

“Yes, haven’t you ever met her before?” asked the chubby spirit.

“No, I’m afraid I’ve never had the pleasure. She’s quite beautiful. Her jovial demeanor reminds me of Gazelle’s before I…” Bogo paused, hesitant to continue.

“Before you broke her heart and chose money over her, you mean?” the spirit asked bluntly.

“Yes, that,” Bogo gritted between his teeth, completely embarrassed. “Wait, how did you know?”

“The Ghost of Christmas Past told me. We’re really good friends!” he chirped innocently. 

“Gossip amongst spirits, how fun,” he muttered, annoyedly. 

At that moment, Nicholas came home, carrying his young five year old son, Finn, on his shoulder. Finn Tiberius Wilde, looked almost identical to his sister as he was more rabbit than fox. Unlike his sister however, he had emerald eyes like their father and gray fur like their mother. “Merry Christmas everyone!” Nicholas called to his family.

“Papa!” called his other three children and came rushing to the door to hug him. 

“Hey there kiddos!” he lowered his young son from his shoulders and set him beside his brothers and sister. But not before handing the boy a small wooden crutch to help support his ability to stand. 

Bogo’s eyes widened, immediately taking notice of this, “Spirit, what is wrong with that small child?”

“Much, I’m afraid,” answered the spirit with sadness.

“Nicholas!” Judith chirped happily when she saw that her husband had come home. 

“Hey Carrots!” he greeted her by her nickname. The two hugged and kissed. Judith then crouched down to hug her little son.

“Hi there sweetheart,” she gave the boy a kiss on the cheek, “How was church?”

“It was great Mama! I made a lot of animals smile today!” he announced with a big smile.

“Really? How did you do that?” Judith inquired with a good natured giggle.

“Because they saw me smiling, even though I'm a cripple!” he stated with joy.

Judith stared at her son with awe and confusion, but then simply smiled back at him. “I'm happy you were able to make others happy, sweetheart.” She gave him a kiss on his forehead, now go play. Christmas breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”

Little Felicia ran over to gently pull her brother over to play with them by the tree. Tiny Finn eagerly limped over as best he could to play.

Judith stood beside Nicholas and they took a moment to simply watch their happy children play. “He’s really something, that son of ours,” stated Nicholas, placing an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“He really is,” Judith agreed, snuggling up beside her husband.

“You know what he told me while we were at the sermon?”

“What?” Judith inquired, curiously.

“He said he hoped other animals saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk and blind mammals see."

Both Judith and Bogo stared at Nicholas and then at the child, completely bewildered.

“So that's what he meant,” Judith said with a proud smile, “Hard to believe that he’s only five years old, and has such a warm and wise heart already.”

“Yeah,” Nicholas breathed with an equal amount of pride for their son, “Sounds like he really takes after his mother.”

“He’s your son too. You can't give me all the credit,” Judith smirked, playfully bumping him with her hips.

Nicholas smiled, but immediately frowned right after. “Though I appreciate that Carrots, I don't think I deserve any credit,” he said glumly, as he walked over to sit at one of the chairs with a sigh. “I didn't get a raise, Judith.”

“What?” Judith asked, standing beside him. 

“Mister Bogo said that I couldn't have a raise,” he repeated.

“But why?” she asked incredulously, “You work so hard for him. You’ve increased profits and you’ve been his only employee for ten years. You’ve even sacrificed spending Christmas Day with us for all those years. Not to mention New Year's.”

“I know, but according to my boss, Mr. Buffalo Butt, I haven't done enough to earn it. Plus, I already work more than I should for him so I can't even ask for more work hours.”

“What did he just call me?” Bogo asked the chubby spirit.

“Uhh... I didn't hear anything,” the cheetah answered, feigning ignorance toward the subject.

“Did he just call me 'Buffalo Butt’? Has he always called me that behind my back?” Bogo asked almost incredulously.

“Shhh,” silenced the spirit, “Keep listening.” Bogo grunted annoyed, but obeyed nonetheless.

Nicholas lowered his head in shame, “I’m a failure Carrots.”

“What? Nicholas, look at me,” Judith placed her paws at her husband's cheeks and lifted his gaze to hers, “You're not a failure. You're a wonderful husband and father. And I know you're a wonderful worker too. You do enough to provide for our family. If there's anyone who should feel ashamed of himself, it's Mr. Bogo. He’s selfish, self centered, and only thinks of himself!”

Bogo flinched at each insult she sent his way.

“You do everything you can to help his business grow and yet as wealthy as he is, he can't find the funds to pay you the wage you’ve so rightfully earned through your hard work?” Judith continued. “Someone should really report him for exploiting his employees like that. Why if that were me, I’d look him straight in the eye and demand he pay me the proper wage, and you know I would.”

Nicholas couldn't help but chuckle at how adorable she looked when she was both angry and determined. Also, it warmed his heart just to see how much she cared. “I don't doubt that in the least hun-bun. But if I do that then I'm definitely out of a job. He said something today, that as much I’d like to disagree with it, I know it’s true.” Judith eyed him with a confused brow. “Like I told Finn earlier today at church, if there's one thing I’m grateful to that buffalo butt for, it's that he gave me a job when no one else would.”

Bogo's eyes widened in surprise at his employee's words.

“I don't know if you remember Carrots,” Nicholas continued, “But I had a real hard time trying to find an honorable job before we got married. I wanted us to have a future together where you would be proud of me and where our children would be able to look up to me as a positive role model. Not the hustling low life -- trying to make ends meet to avoid the workhouse me -- that I was before I met you. And after so many failed attempts at a decent job, Bogo was the one to give me that job. Speciest and selfish as he is, he was impressed enough with my business savvy to give me a chance. If it weren’t for him, I would never have been able to put a roof over our heads and provide what I can for us.”

Judith smiled, a little more calm. Perhaps even finding a slight bit of appreciation for the buffalo. She hugged Nicholas’ head, caressing his ears, “And you do an amazing job at it.” She kissed him. “You don’t know how proud I am of you and I don’t think you have to worry about our children viewing you in a negative light.” They looked over to their children who were playing nearby. 

James continued helping his grandfathers with the decorations on the tiny tree, while Johnny-Stu ran around with a garland of popcorn as his giggling younger sister and brother ran/limped after it. In the midst of his giggling, Finn stopped as he started having a coughing fit. Nicholas and Judith flinched with concern as did his grandfathers and siblings.

Bogo also found himself displaying concern for the sickly kit. A fact which the spirit noticed.

 Little Felicia placed a paw at his arm and Finn smiled at her as if to tell her that he was okay. Just to be on the safe side, Johnny-Stu helped his brother over to the small steps that led to the bedrooms and sat him down there. He handed the popcorn garland to him and it brought a smile on the younger kit’s face. Johnathan, Stu, and James smiled and went back to decorating.

Nicholas and Judith smiled as well, but their concern for their child remained on their faces. Most notably on Nicholas’ face. Nicholas frowned sadly and insecurely rested his head against Judith’s chest as he gently pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. He spoke as softly as a frightened child would to his mother. “I’m scared, Judith,” he said with a tremble.

“What?” she asked, visibly shaken by his demeanor. Judith remained in his arms but pulled away enough to look at his face. She wanted to see his expression as she knew this was serious if he referred to her by name like that. His eyes shimmered a little, as if he wanted to cry but was not allowing himself to do so. She had never seen him look so vulnerable before. 

“I’m scared,” he looked back to their son who coughed a little again, “He’s getting worse the more time passes and we still can’t afford his medication or to give him a more proper nutrition. Not on my pay anyway. And if Bogo keeps refusing to give me a raise, then…” he exhaled a trembling sigh, “I don’t know what we’ll do. I might have to go back to hustling or even pick-pocketing to--”

“What? No,” Judith immediately pressed her forehead against his to speak to him directly, “Nicholas, listen to me, you will not go back to that lifestyle. You worked so hard to get away from that dishonest life. What if you get caught committing a crime? What would we ever do if you were arrested?” Nicholas lowered his head in shame. “Besides, you're not alone. Your father and I have been working very hard to get Suitopia off the ground. With both his and my sewing skills and the right investor, I’m sure we'll be able to make a legitimate business together that sells clothes for all mammals! No matter the size or species! I'll bet we can even make a wing for dresses and children's clothing!”

Nicholas chuckled at her enthusiasm, “Your optimism never ceases to amaze me, Carrots. How did the sale go by the way? Did Mr. Jumbeaux like his suit enough to invest?”

“Uhh... not exactly,” Judith said, recoiling into herself. She glanced over to the chair where her father-in-law had placed the suits. Nicholas followed her gaze and stood to approach the suits on the chair.

“Why is his suit still here? Did he decide to cancel the meeting with you and my dad because of the holiday?” Nicholas asked her, curiously.

“No, he... cancelled his order and any future affiliation with us,” she said glumly.

“What? Why?” Nicholas asked in shock. “You said that he was really excited about his suit when you showed him the designs and material.”

“I know. He told me that he was willing to see what I could do, though to tell the truth I think he only agreed to give me a chance because he was more entertained by the idea of a bunny making an elephant sized suit. Little did he know that I relish a challenge and that I'm more than capable of tailoring a suit like that within three days. With your father's help of course.” Judith smirked confidently.

Nicholas smiled. “So what happened?” Nicholas asked, not understanding what went wrong.

Judith's confidence faded. “Well, when I met with him the first time, I made the deal alone. But when he saw me walking into his office with your father, he immediately told him to leave and to get his 'grimy, thieving’ paws off his suit. He thought your father was trying to rob me, but then when I explained that he was my business partner and that he helped me make the suit, he had us both kicked out of his office.”

“What?!” Nicholas yelled, startling everyone. He turned around to his father, father-in-law, and children, “Sorry, sorry everyone. Everything's alright, no need to worry.” Everyone went back to what they were doing. Jonathan however seemed to know exactly what they were talking about and lowered his gaze in shame.

“You alright there, John?” Stu asked him with concern.

“Never better. Just observing the tree is all. It's looking great!” 

Stu and James nodded in agreement and continued their decorating.

Nicholas held Judith's face protectively in his paws, “Did he hurt you?”

“No, not really. He had one of his servants throw us out. But that didn't bother me as much as the things he said. He actually had the nerve to say that he didn't want the suit just because he didn't want anything that a 'filthy fox’ had touched. I got so mad that I went on a tirade insulting him. That's when he had us kicked out.”

Nicholas cupped a paw at her cheek, smiling gently at her. Proud that she tried to defend his father's honor.

“I'm sorry Nicholas,” she apologized soft spokenly. “I guess it was my fault that we ultimately lost that sale and investment opportunity.”

“Hey, don't take it too hard Carrots. You said it yourself, the sale was already doomed once he saw my father. It wouldn't have been worth it to have a guy like that as a business partner.”

“I know, I just wish things had gone differently,” Judith sighed, glancing over to the other suit on top of the elephant sized one. She walked over to it and took it in her paws, “After all you’ve said about Mr. Bogo, I highly doubt that he’d ever want to invest in us too. But we made this in case if you ever see that he’s in need of a good suit. Maybe he’d like to buy one or hire us to tailor some for him.” 

Nicholas felt the suit, “That feels really soft. Is that wool?”

“No, it's cotton,” Judith smiled.

“Mr. Jumbeaux oughta consider calling himself Mr. Dumbeaux if he was really dumb enough to deny a finely tailored suit like this.”

Bogo and the chubby spirit moved closer to observe the buffalo sized suit. Bogo touched it and was actually able to feel it without the bunny or fox noticing. “Mhmm, soft to the touch but firm and sturdy, fashionable, good design. Yes, this is indeed a finely made suit. Did Wilde’s wife and father really stitch this themselves?”

“Yes they did!” chirped the cheetah. They're pretty talented, aren't they?”

“Yes, Wilde must feel so lucky. He has a beautiful wife who is also quite talented and ambitious,” Bogo smiled, genuinely happy for Nicholas.

Judith smiled at Nicholas’ compliment, but lowered her gaze almost immediately afterward, as if losing faith in her own talent. Nicholas held her and lifted her chin up to face him, “Hey, don't make me be the optimist now.” Judith giggled at his attempt to humor her, “We’ll get through these tough times together. Just like you said.” They smiled at one another when Bonnie and Amelia walked back out of the kitchen carrying plates and a couple of dish trays.

“Breakfast everyone!” Bonnie called out to everyone. “Care to help us Judith? Nicholas?”

“Yes mother,” Judith replied and took some plates from her mother. Nicholas took a couple in his paws as well.

“So glad to see you and Mr. Hopps were able to join us for this Christmas, Mrs. Hopps,” Nicholas told his mother-in-law.

“Well of course,” Bonnie replied with a smile, “It’s Judith’s turn this year after all.” 

“Yeah, and thank you for havin’ us Nicholas,” Stu added. “I’m just really sorry Bon and I couldn’t chip in more with the food besides just a few vegetables and a blueberry pie. It’s been a rough few months ever since we were forced to close down the farm. I don’t know if it’s the soot in the air or just the constant bad weather, but…”  he shook his head with an apologetic sigh.

“It’s okay Mr. Hopps, I understand. Guess we’re all going through some tough times,” Nicholas said with an understanding tone. 

Stu nodded. “Bon and I are fortunate enough that our kids are all grown and able to fend for themselves even without the farm. But I only wish we could’ve been able to help you given that yours and Jude’s little ones are still well...little,” Stu said as he glanced over to Tiny Finn, who was struggling to climb onto his chair. Nicholas quickly picked up his son and helped him sit, tying a little bib around his neck. Judith meanwhile came around and took the boy’s cap and cane.

The little kit, much like his siblings, lit up at the sight of the food on the table. There was a blueberry pie which Bonnie set down on the table. A tray which had two baked potatoes, two full carrots, a spoonful of peas, about five lettuce leaves, and a single tomato sliced into ten thin slices for each member of the family. Amelia carried over another tray with a cover. She lifted the top, revealing only three cooked sardines.

The adults finished serving the food and drinks and they all took their seats. 

“Oh my! Look at all the wonderful things to eat!” chirped Tiny Finn, happy despite the meager meal. “We must thank Mr. Bogo,” he said innocently to his parents who sat beside him.

Bogo’s jaw dropped in awe. He was touched by the boy’s innocent consideration.

Nicholas and Judith looked at one another. Judith sighed reluctantly as if giving Nicholas the go ahead to supporting their son’s statement. Nicholas nodded to their son, “Couldn’t have said it better kiddo!” Nicholas raised a glass, “To Mr. Bogo, the founder of this feast.” Bonnie, Amelia, Stu, and Jonathhan all scoffed, while the children gazed at the adults in confusion.

“Nicholas sweetie,” said his mother, “Maybe it would be best if we not include him in our toast.”

Little Felicia tugged at her grandmother’s sleeve, “Why not grandma Amelia?”

“I understand mother, but it is Christmas,” Nicholas responded, “And everyone deserves consideration on this day,” he placed a paw at his son’s back and smiled at him. The kit smiled back at him, as if proud of his father. 

Though hesitant herself, Judith stood with her glass in paw. “I know it may be difficult to toast someone like Mr. Bogo, seeing how he is a stingy, odious, and all around unfeeling mammal.”

Bogo, shrunk with each word Judith said, more so after seeing the other adults nod in agreement. 

“But,” Judith continued, “Nicholas and Finn are right. We should remember that Mr. Bogo did give Nicholas a job. So, I’ll toast to his health for Nicholas’ sake and because it is Christmas and...I hope the rest of you can find it in your hearts to do the same.” The other adults looked at one another and sighed, giving in. Judith lifted her cup, “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to Mr. Bogo.”

The other adults, and children all raised their glasses, “To Mr. Bogo.” 

The Wilde and Hopps families drank a sip of their respective drinks and ate. Tiny Finn was given the meaty torso of one of the sardines. He was ready to dig into it when he noticed that his father had only taken the tiny tip of the tail. Being the ever considerate boy that he was, Tiny Finn took his fish and tried to hand it to his father. Nicholas looked at him in surprise and smiled, politely denying the fish from his son. He then hugged him and they each continued eating their respective meals. 

Bogo observed the innocent child and asked, “Spirit, tell me, what will happen to Tiny Finn?”

The normally chipper chubby cheetah, frowned, “If these shadows remain unchanged, I see an empty chair where Tiny Finn once sat. And a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved.”

Bogo uncharacteristically felt his chest tighten with horror, “S-So does that mean...Finn will…”

Bogo turned to face the chubby cheetah when he felt a cold breeze brush past him, forcing him to shut his eyes.

When he opened his eyes he saw that he was still in the Wilde’s home, but there was no one to be found -- not the Wildes, not the Hopps, not the chubby spirit. There was now only darkness in the simple little home.

…

A/N: I’ll bet a lot of you thought Finnick was going to be Tiny Finn, huh? Lol! Funny as that would be he’s not Nick and Judy’s real son...nor is he a child, so he unfortunately can’t play the role. But don’t worry he has an important role in this fic somewhere ;)

Oh, by the way, I know it's a bit unoriginal of me, but I personally really love Helthehatter’s bunny-like hybrid kit design (ie Violet Wilde), so I kind of adopted it here as what Felicia and Finn would look like. I just really love it, it's like the canon look to me for bunny-like hybrids. And I feel that if Nick and Judy could have hybrid children, this is what the bunny looking ones would look like. As for the fox ones, I kind of just reversed it in that they look more like foxes but have some subtle bunny like features. This way we have both funnies (bunny looking ones) and boxes (fox looking ones). :D

[noel-byers]

What monsters do you fight? || chapter O2

Chapter O1 • Chapter O2 • Chapter O3

Words: 1650

N/A: the girl in the gif with Noel is Melissa

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If there was a place where surely a girl was hiding to cry she was definitely under the terraces of the garden, where they usually played rugby matches. In fact, she was under the seat, with her knees on her chest and her shoulders clutching her bent head. I could hear his sobs and his breath trying to stifle his noisy cry. I slowly approached her and seeing that she still hadn't noticed my presence, I coughed putting both hands in my pockets. Melissa looked up and only then could I see her swollen and red eyes. That piece of shit had reduced it to a rag with a few but sharp words. "Cigarette?" I asked, taking the named item out of a pocket of my jeans.

"I...I don't smoke" she said, sniffling. Ah man that sucks the mucus.

"Better this way" I replied with a shrug. "You will ruin only your breath and your lungs. Smoke isn’t cool kid, unless you want to destroy yourself. Which is really cool” I said with a little irony as I tried to light my beloved cigarette.

A few moments passed in silence until Melissa said lightly to me "Did you see it all?"

"Yep" I replied immediately taking out a cloud of smoke from my lips "You don't have to fear anything, you won't lack respect next time" I said capturing the blonde's attention "It's an insult to the male gender to take it out on a woman when it's ten against one” I continued shaking my head.

"But he had all the reasons in the world, in short, look at me...I'm like all the girls...I thought to impress the bad boy of the school and take his best part out of him...but I just deluded myself" the girl explained, sniffing again.

"Listen to me, Melissa, first of all take my flannel shirt and blow that nose...my heart is crying to sacrifice my favorite dress but I don't have handkerchiefs, so blow your nose before I change my mind" I said handing her my shirt, which she immediately grabbed looking at me, puzzled but not refusing my order.

"You're really weird, ehm..." he stopped, looking into my eyes and making me realize that I hadn't introduced myself yet. I put the cigarette between my lips again and brought my hand closer to shake her in education.

"Noel, Noel Byers" she raised an eyebrow.

"Melissa Danielsen, as you will already know. Are you the sister of the missing child?"

"I would prefer you to call him Will, I'm sick of people cataloging him as a poor outcast" he said pulling up a heavy sigh "Going back to us, I know how you feel now, you'll surely be wondering what made you sell your virginity to that asshole of Billy Hargrove, and many other things that surely do not positively depict your person" Melissa nodded silently “Stop being so hard on yourself, you are young and in fact we are both young and in this adolescence we make so many mistakes" my cigarette, making her realize that as far as I was an employee I hated being under a stupid habit.

"The truth is that in the coming days people will stare at you, laugh at you and make you jokes of bad taste, and you don't have time to cry, you have to be strong, you have to growl and let the comments slip away that are not worth it to listen. Probably the same girls that Billy uses as a sex toy will tease you, but you don't listen to them, i mean, you know which pulpit the sermon comes from" I explained, sucking up some tobacco.

"Not forgetting that I will no longer have friends on my side..." Melissa commented disconsolately.

"And who the fuck am I? Santa Claus?" I asked slightly strangely "I almost blew the head of Billy Hargrove for you and probably because I'm a bit feminist. But first of all I did it for you” I concluded with a shrug.

"Thank you..." she replied with a small smile.

"And then, as strange as it may seem, I have a couple of friends too, and they certainly think like me" I continued to cheer her up letting an almost maternal smile show on my mouth "But now you raise your blonde ass, let's go to the bathroom to rinse your face, you blow your nose with real handkerchiefs and I'll walk you home, huh?” I suggested standing up with a jerk and pulling Melissa by the arm in a playful way, urging her to follow me and she choked and consented.

"All right, as long as you wash your mouth a little, hell, you smell obscene tobacco"

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By evening he had fallen on Hawkings and tonight we strangely breathed less heavy air in my house. It was probably because Bob had come to visit us. He and my mother had been dating for a couple of months and...God, I never saw my mother so happy. Seeing her joking, hugging and kissing with one who finally didn't mistreat her made me feel at peace with myself. Slowly my family was re-emerging from that dark and distressing oblivion, I felt that if they were still passing by a couple of months surely my family could have been called as such.

"What are your plans for the evening? Will you watch a movie?" I asked as I made my entrance into the kitchen, tying my hair into something not too high, Bob turned around and his camera automatically picked me up.

"You choose the boys the movie is evening. Do you, ma'am, have an appointment?" The man asked playfully, infecting me with his good humor.

"Tempting, but not. My shift starts at 8:20 pm and if I don't leave the house in ten minutes, I'll pay back my salary” I explained with a shrug “The only plus is the free hot dogs" I admitted attracting my mother's attention.

"Noel don't eat too many, do you remember that on Jonathan's birthday last year you had a colic and -"

"MUM! I don't want you to make a short film about my intestinal problems while Bob is back! "I answered, turning my face flushed as I ran away with my tail between my legs in my room, looking for my shoes.

I went through WIll's room and my attention was caught by his sudden raising of his voice.

"Stop treating me like that! Like I'm about to break. So don't you help me, just make me feel weirder" my exasperated younger brother said, it was obvious he was arguing with Jonathan.

It was difficult to take someone's part in these situations, I knew how Will could feel right now, he was scared and had suffered multiple traumas, including that of an apparent death. On the other hand, I also understood Jonathan, because it was also my own position, like that of anyone who wanted to help Will. To console some or give him moral support was like wandering in a minefield, you never knew if you could touch some sore point.

I remembered when I decided to sleep together with Will the night made me feel better, I knew that I could protect him, but now that he's growing up and kindly asked me to let him sleep alone, I realize how much my "safety" thought travels one way. As far as I could have been next to Will, there was nothing I could do to keep him from thinking about his mind, he was a demon that only Will could have fought.

"You're not weird" Jonathan said

"Yes I am, I am" replied our younger brother dryly. I looked at the figure of Jonathan who was about to give up, but then he came out with a sentence:

"You're right, you're weird" both my younger brother and I raised both eyebrows. "So why should you become normal like the others? Being weird is better, I'm weird. Our sister who has been staring at us for half an hour is weird” he said pointing to me.

"Hey nerd go easy" I said in an ironic tone, approaching Will's bed and occasionally pulled an ear to my big brother in a playful way.

"Is that why you have no friends?" Our little brother asked disconsolately.

"We have friends, and weird friends are the best. You don't need to have a hundred to feel cool, a couple is enough, because you know that you will remain faithful forever. And then we are creative, sensitive and original, in short, the best on the market" I explained to Will to encourage him, infuse he also had it, but it was obvious that in those dark moments the positives were difficult to see them.

"Then why are you always with me?"

"Because you are our best friend!" Jonathan immediately replied "And we prefer to be friends of Zombie Boy than of a trivial nullity. Do you understand me? In short, who would you like to be friends with? About Bowie or Rogers?" At that point Will almost shivered and shook his head with an amused smile.

"What Jonny wants to say is that normal people never do anything important in life, as Kierkegaard says, they are locked in their 4x4 box with a family and a job, thus continuing until the end of their days..."

"Oh my God the nerd has come, Will stuck your ears!" Jonathan said jokingly, pushing Will away, who had begun to show signs of little laughter.

"Come on idiots, it's important! In summary, it is always the people outside the lines who make the revolution and enjoy their lives properly" I explained hiding a laugh and pulling a small snort.

"What about Kenny Rogers?" Will asked ironically.

"Kenny Rogers? Oh I love Kenny Rogers!” Bob said suddenly, coming out of the corridor and suddenly I remembered that I was being late for work.

"Fuck! I love you guys, please, be good" I said, running off down the corridor.

"NOEL YOU ARE LEAVING WITHOUT SHOES" my mother shouted.

"Fuck the shoes!" I yelled back, turning back.

T O   B E   C O N T I N U E D . . .

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N/A: Hello everyone! This is a passing chapter, but it also seems right to give some space to noel and her character before making her interact with Billy. Thank you all for your support, you make me really happy. If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, please leave a comment and tell me what you think of the story, if you like 🌸🌺

Tag list:

@xxemoluverxx @sledgy14 @ellenna 

[fandom-imagines-stories]

The Enemy of my Enemy…

James Bond x Reader (Sean Connery)

Words: 3621

Summary: You want your father dead. A British spy needs him for information. After the years of abuse and killing the innocent that your father has put you through, you’re not exactly willing to negotiate and you’re certainly not about to fall for the spy’s charms. Plans change when one of your father’s schemes traps the two of you in a room rigged to blow.

Notes: Bond… James Bond (Don’t forget to leave reviews and let me know if you’d like to see more classic movie imagines!)

You’d grown accustomed to the feeling of a gun in your hands. More still, you were used to the sound of it’s shot and the sharp scent of blood that followed. But you could never stop yourself from wincing as the life left your victim’s eyes. It was something you’d never be used to, which you supposed was a good thing. It meant you hadn’t turned into your father. The man before you slumped over, dropping the key to the locked room behind him. Just one more kill. And then you’re free. You promised yourself the same thing every time you took another life. Just one more.

You quickly unlocked the door and slipped inside that dark room. You held your breath, the absolute silence setting your nerves on edge. It wasn’t until you turned the light on that you realized that you weren’t alone. He seemed almost as surprised as you were, but his shock was quickly replaced with a smirk.

“If you’re looking for Anton, he’s not here.” He stepped cautiously away from the desk, keeping his hands in the air while he stared down the barrel of your pistol. His eyes fell to the family photo on Anton’s desk. One of you and him on an island off the coast of Jamaica.“But you already know that.” You slammed the frame down, taking a step towards him.

“Empty your pockets.” You ordered. He complied, showing you his own weapon, a pistol similar to yours, and the document that he’d taken from the desk. The very thing that you were after. You held out your hand. “I’ll be taking that.”

“Why are you looking for Marcus Vansco?” The man questioned, a knowing and smug look on his face.

“I could ask you the same question.” You cocked the pistol, returning his smirk. “Who are you?”

“The name’s James Bond.” You clenched your jaw, gripping the pistol tighter.

“I’ve heard plenty about you, Mr. Bond. What does the British Secret Intelligence Service want with him?” You growled.  Any interference from the agencies would spell trouble for your plot against the criminal mastermind.

“He has information of a much grander operation than his petty money laundering and smuggling.” You jabbed the pistol into his chest and ripped the parchment from his hands.

“Petty?” You snapped. “Do you know how many people have died because of him? How many lives were ruined?” Johnathan... His smirk never faltered.

“You would know, wouldn’t you, Miss Vansco?” Before you could react, he grabbed your weapon and twisted your arm behind your back. “Get in a fight with daddy, did we?” He snarked. You struggled, but he just continued to twist your arm. You had to bite your lip to keep from crying out.

“My name isn’t Vansco. It’s Y/L/N.” You slammed your head back into his face, breaking free of his grip. He swung at you, shock briefly gracing his features. You dropped down to the floor, sweeping his legs from underneath him sending him crashing into the coffee table behind him. “You don’t really think I would keep my father’s name, do you?”  

“I suppose not.” He reasoned, grabbing your ankle and yanking you down. He climbed over you and reached for the paper in your hand. You wrapped your legs around his waist and flipped him onto his back. He didn’t even wince. “Usually I prefer to have dinner first, but I can’t say I don’t enjoy the view.” Without warning, he rolled, slamming you into the side of the desk, knocking the breath out of you.

Despite the dizziness, you observed the statue behind Bond and smiled.

“I admire your efforts, Mr. Bond.” You reached underneath the desk and felt the wood until you felt a small, metal button. “But I’m afraid this is a family matter.” You pressed the button and watched the dart enter the spies neck. His eyes widened before he collapsed, the alarm system beginning to blare overhead. You scurried across the floor and grinned victoriously at the phone records in your hand. The most recent call was to a location in Italy.

You grabbed your pistol and aimed it at the unconscious spy. You summoned every instinct that you had developed being your father’s assassin, but the gun felt heavier than it ever had. You couldn’t do it. And you didn’t have time to reevaluate leaving a British spy alive and on your tail. And so you ran, leaving the debonair Mr. Bond to be found by your brother’s security guards. If you were lucky, they’d kill him for you.

James was not used to losing. As the train rattled, so did his injuries sustained from his battle with Vansco’s daughter. Even without those records, he was able to track Vansco by following his son, Anton. The heir to the criminal dynasty sat only a few tables away in the dining car and James carefully observed all that approached. So when his eye-catching younger sister passed James to meet her brother, she was hard to miss.

With your sights set on your brother, you failed to notice your previous opponent hiding behind his menu. All that mattered was getting through the Anton.

“Y/N... how pleasant to see you.” He greeted with a tight smile. “We’ve all been looking for you for a very long time, dear sister. Ever since poor Jonathan.” It took all of your control not to stab his fork into the back of his hand. He was still your brother, even after everything he’d done for the tyrant that you once called father.

“Jonathan died because of our father. Because I dared to try and make myself happy without him. And he’ll do the same to you.” You wished you could make him see, to make him understand that love does not come from fear. A loving touch is not the same as the sting from the back of his hand.

“I have everything I could ever want.” Anton laughed. “I have wealth and power and a family that stays together no matter what.” He grabbed your wrist tightly. “Come home, Y/N.” You shook your head sadly.

“We never had a home, Anton.” A single tear fell for him, but there was nothing more you could do. You tried to step away, but his grip on your wrist remained.

“I can’t let you leave.” He snapped, but you could almost see the slightest trace of regret in his eyes. “Father wants to talk to you.”

“And I want him dead.” You yanked your arm away only to have Anton’s companions draw their weapons on you.

“I wouldn’t do that.” A voice behind you said. Bond appeared beside you, his gun pointed at your brother’s head. He spoke to you with a smirk. “Did you miss me, dear?”

“What are you doing here?” You spat.

“Following your tracks.” He kept his eyes on Anton. His smug look infuriated you. “And saving you.” You gritted your teeth.

“Who said I needed saving?” You grabbed hold of the man closest to you’s arm, pulling him forward as his collegue shot his weapon. You ducked and the bullet entered the man’s chest. James took on the man who’d fired and had him on the floor along with his colleague in seconds. Anton chuckled.

“Don’t the two of you make a nice couple?” He snarked. He nodded and you both felt a sharp pain in the back of your necks. “Oh well.” You stumbled towards him as the drugs took over.

“Anton don’t-” You passed out before you finished. But as you fell, you could have sworn that Mr. Bond caught you before you hit the ground, even as he himself fell unconscious.

Betrayed and nursing a splitting headache, you barely had enough energy to open your eyes. Not that there was much to see. The room was relatively empty except for the table in the center and your antagonizing room mate, who was just beginning to wake up as well. There was one large sliding door at the front of the room, but no means to open it. But it wasn’t being trapped that scared you. It was the small box in the middle of the table and the quiet ticking that it omitted.

“Bastard.” You hissed, knowing that your father was somewhere, watching you. “Going to kill me too, now?” You screamed looking around the room until you found the camera in the corner. “Come out and face me, you coward!”

“You always were a little spit-fire, weren’t you, Y/N.” Your father’s voice boomed. “And now you’ve dragged Mr. Bond into this mess.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Vansco.” James announced calmly. “About those missiles you’ve smuggled.”

“So that’s why you’re here?” You exclaimed. “To take information back to your little agency.”

“I’m here to prevent a war, Miss Y/L/N.” James responded before turning his attention back to your father. “Perhaps we could talk face to face.” A deep chuckled echoed through the room.

“ I was hoping you’d say that, Mr. Bond.” One of the panels in the wall opened, revealing a man with a gun. And it was pointed at you. He fired before either of you had time to react and the shot tore through your side. The panel closed and you stumbled back, wincing in pain. Vansco continued. “Left unattended, my daughter will surely bleed out in a matter a few, painful hours. I’m giving you a choice, Mr. Bond. Stay and save the girl who tried to kill you on multiple occasions, or leave, earning the information you seek and your freedom.

“Oh, and no matter what your decision is, Mr. Bond, that device on the table will explode in exactly three hours. The choice is yours. Stay and die with my treacherous daughter, or complete what you came here to do.”

The door slid open and you tried to rush forward, but the panel opened once again, this time the weapon aimed for your head. There’d be no escaping for you. James looked from you to the door and back again, watching the blood seep through your blazer.

“Go.” You muttered. “At least only one of us will die.” You tried to keep standing, but the blood loss was starting to make you dizzy. Every instinct was telling him to go through that door, but something else, something against all his better judgments, told him to stay. As he walked towards you, the door closed.

“Pity...” Vansco scolded. “I was so looking forward to meeting you in person. Goodbye, Mr. Bond.” James tore off a piece of his rather expensive shirt and pressed it to your wound, helping you sit down on the floor.

“What are you doing?” You coughed. “You could’ve gotten out of here.”

“Something tells me that you might be more useful than your father.” He whispered. “Keep your voice down and pretend to be angry with me.”

“I am angry with you.” You fired back. The corner of your lips lifted into a semi-amused smile. You winced as he applied more pressure to your side.

“Sorry.” He looked up at you with those dark eyes of his and you understood how he got his reputation. He was devilishly charming. Being on a cold floor with a bullet in your torso probably wasn’t the most romantic of circumstances, however. “Why’d you turn against him in the first place? What could make you want to kill your father after years of doing his bidding?”

“Those years of doing his ‘bidding’ were nothing more than a young girl being told that everything she did was for her family. Every person she killed, she killed in the name of Vansco. And for years, I believed everything they told me.” You took off your blazer to give him better access to the wound and revealed the other scars your father was responsible for. “I believed that every cigar burning into my skin, every bruise, were marks of things I’d done wrong. I thought I deserved them. That they were results of my failings toward the family.”

You weren’t sure why you were telling him all of this. All of the things that you’d held inside you for the past three years. Maybe it was because it didn’t matter. You were both going to die now. Despite his foolishness, you couldn’t help but be grateful that you weren’t alone.

“He’s a monstrus man.” James uttered. You laughed bitterly.

“That’s not the worst of it.” You could feel all of the emotions rushing back. The grief, the anger, the pain. You eyes teared up. The blood loss was making you delirious. “He killed my fiance.” You didn’t have the strength to keep up the walls you’d built in your lifetime. You could finally let it go. “His name was Jonathan and he was perfect. A baker from Cardiff. Nothing special, but he was mine.” You took a deep breath. James never said anything, nor was there any judgement in his gaze. He just listened. “My father didn’t like me having something of my own. Something that could make me happy outside of his little world. So he burnt the bakery to the ground with Jonathan inside.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice was sincere, without the slightest trace of sarcasm. You wiped your eyes and sat up as tall as you could.

“That’s why I’ve been hunting him down for the past three years.” You looked around, your eyes falling upon the bomb on the table. “It’s only fitting that it leads me to my grave. Poetic.” He placed a hand on your cheek and you let him.

“You’re not going to die.” He promised. “I might be able to get us out of here.” He handed you the cloth and told you to keep pressing on the wound while he searched the ceiling for something to grab onto. There was a crack that he could latch his fingers too, swinging his body back and forth, until he finally kicked the panel where the shooter had appeared.

Nothing happened. He kicked again, and still nothing. It wasn’t until he kicked the third time that the panel fell back, revealing a small compartment leading to a hallway within the walls. He dropped back down to the floor and held out his hand to you.

“Follow me.” He helped you stand and the idea of being free again gave you just enough adrenaline to keep going. You both knew that your father would be after you as soon as he saw that you had escaped, so you moved quickly down the passage until a pair of guards attacked you. Even with your injury, with you and James paired together, they didn’t stand a chance.

You took their guns and continued. After only a few meetings, you were shaping up to be a pretty good team. Room after room, hallway after hallway, there still didn't seem to be an exit.

“Very clever, Mr. Bond.” The voice of your father returned, only this time it wasn’t over a speaker. You turned around quickly, making your head spin.

“Son of a bitch!” You screamed, aiming your weapon at the man you hated more than anything in the world. He only smiled.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Two guards dragged Anton out of a room with a gun at his head. “Your brother has done right by this family. It would be a shame to kill him for your mistakes.”

“He drugged me and brought me here.” You sneered. “See if I care.” Marcus shrugged and nodded to his men. He cocked the pistol and Anton looked up at you. Just one more kill. But this was a life you couldn’t have on your hands. “Wait!” You lowered your weapon. “Let him go.”

“You see, Y/N,” Marcus paced towards you, “Nothing ties us together like family.” The back of his hand left a sting on your cheek as he struck you. James clenched his jaw.

“Vansco, I believe we still have something to discuss.” He hoped to draw the attention away from you, but it didn’t work.

“I’m afraid you missed your chance for that.” He motioned to his guards and brought both you and James to your knees before him. “Now you must die with my deceitful daughter.” He latched his hand onto your wound and squeezed. As hard as you tried to stop it, you couldn’t keep from screaming out in pain. James struggled against the guard holding him, but there wasn’t much he could do while Marcus kept the guns on you.

“I’m sorry I got you into this, James.” You whispered. Your father smiled.

“You’ve grown fond of our little English spy, haven’t you?” He chuckled. “And now you’ve brought him to his death. Just. Like. Jonathan.” As your final act of defiance, you spit on his expensive shoes and looked at him with all the hatred you could muster.

“Pig.” You snapped. His face contorted with rage and he took his guard’s gun, wanting to deliver the final shot himself. You closed your eyes as the shot rang through the hallway, along with James’ voice.

“No!” He exclaimed. But you didn’t feel anything. As you opened your eyes, you saw the blood seep from your father’s chest. Two more shots followed, both finding their mark in the heads of the guards. You and James turned around in shock, finding Anton holding the smoking gun.

“Bastard.” Anton muttered, his hand falling to his side. You leapt up and your brother enveloped you in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You heard a groan of pain from the ground and broke apart. Marcus was crawling, trying to get away. James stepped on his leg.

“I believe this is what you came for.” James stated. You took your brother’s gun and stood over the man you once called father.

“This isn’t for Anton or James or even Johnathan.” You hissed, placing the gun on the back of his head. “This is for me.” You fired and silence fell over the world. You stood, wiping the blood off of your face and turned to face the two slightly shocked men. “James, you said you needed information on a missile shipment. Anton?”

“The missiles are being sent out tonight.” He stuttered.

“Is there a way to stop them?” James asked. Anton shook his head.

“There’s a passphrase that only Marcus knew.” He sighed. James leaned against the wall, defeated. You smirked.

“Can you show us the control room?” You asked, looking at Anton. He nodded. “Boys... follow me.”

Once you found the control room, Anton logged into the messaging system.

“The only way to stop them is to send them a signal with the passphrase.” The screen held a blank line, awaiting its orders.

“Type in ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend.’” You suggested. They both looked at you with confusion. “It’s a phrase he would say to me often.” Anton shrugged and entered it. The screen soon read: Copy that. Shipment suspended until further notice.

“That’ll give my friends plenty of time to round up Vansco’s workers and put an end to this operation.” James rejoiced. He gave Anton a pat on the shoulder. “Sorry, old chap, but I’m afraid they’ll take you too.” Anton nodded.

“I deserve whatever is coming to me.” In all of the commotion, the two didn’t notice how you wavered on your feet until you finally collapsed, the last thing you saw being James’ concerned eyes and once again, his arms were there to catch you.

You’d woken up in handcuffs before, but never to a bedpost. The pain in your side was considerably decreased, but your head spun, trying to figure out where you were. It was then that you realized that you weren’t wearing the same clothes you had when you shot your father.

“Don’t worry, I had nothing to do with that.” A smug voice came from the bathroom of what appeared to be a hotel room. “Nor was I responsible for those cuffs. I’m afraid my friends at MI6 are behind that.” James walked out in a robe with a smirk on his face. “Good morning.”

“They’re charging Anton, aren’t they?” You sighed. James nodded.

“I have been able to advocate for you, however.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I suggested that you might make a very good ally for tracking down the rest of Vansco’s empire. And with Anton’s cooperation, you both might be allowed a little leniency.” You laughed.

“You want me to be an agent in tracking down my father’s henchmen?” As the thought slowly sunk in, you realized it might not actually be a bad idea. But there was still that pinching metal on your wrists. “Then what’s with the handcuffs.”

“They thought I would be in danger if you woke up in a bad mood.” He chuckled. His finger started to trace up your leg, but you kicked it away.

“Not so fast, Mr. Bond. I haven’t agreed to anything, let alone any of your romantic advancements.”

“Then what do you say?” he inquired.

“I suppose it might be refreshing to work for the other side for once.” You shrugged. Keeping his eyes on yours, he leaned over and kissed your hand.

“It will be a pleasure to work with you.” He unlocked the handcuff and the two of you just looked at each other. James may be a flirt, but he wanted Vansco’s men gone just as much as you. You didn’t protest when his lips finally found yours. After all, the enemy of your enemy... is your friend.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: STRANGER THINGS 3

Stranger Things season 3 is here!!!!! Bust out your 80s nostalgia and demogorgon attitude because I fully don’t remember where we left off but Netflix kind of reminded me in a very extended recap that was definitely too long? Whatever, let’s just discuss the wigs! (AND MUCH MORE).

As with last season (and any season of TV I review) I will be adding each episode to this post and then changing my wig verdict as the season progresses. 

CHAPTER ONE: SUZIE DO YOU COPY?

We begin with two tweens making out and YUCK I really don’t want to live through this! I share this opinion with Sheriff Hopper who has to live through these make out sessions that are scored by 80s soft rock music. Even more insulting: THESE HAIRCUTS. I don’t know at what point these kids are gonna outgrow their bowlcuts but the answer seems to be a resounding: NEVER. Also Elle’s hair has finally grown out! TO THIS?!?!?! What overprocessed curly nightmare is this?! I feel like they were going for a Jennifer Grey situation but if that’s the case, I’ll be needing like 110% more hairspray and like 200% more dancing ability, please.

Anyway, the real news in town is: THERE’S A MALL NOW! It’s called Starcourt which is the most 80s sounding name ever and it is home to SCOOPS AHOY ice cream shoppe where Steve and Uma Thurman/Ethan Hawke’s daughter works. This whole storyline is incredibly Fast Times at Ridgemont High themed but Steve’s hair is still very wonderful. Also he can get all the tweens into the movie theater which is showing Day of the Dead and I get it Stranger Things: YOU ARE MAKING ALL THE 80S MALL REFERENCES. 

Also: Dustin is back from camp! It was a science camp called Camp KNOW where and I am definitely gonna see some assholes in this shirt this summer. Anyway, this storyline was all about Dustin forcing his friends into helping him with a radio tower to talk to his possibly fake girlfriend named Suzie and truly: meh.

Meanwhile: WINONA’S SEASON 3 WIG! I’ve gotta say, this season is the best season of wig for Winona. Sure, it is still very much a mess (as is she after the untimely death of her boyfriend Rudy Reuttiger!) but it’s the best wig she’s had so far so MAZEL!

Elsewhere, the most boring teen couple in America (aka Nancy and Will’s brother whose name I won’t learn) are working at the local newspaper and Nancy’s whole job seems to be fetching hamburgers for an entire room of #MeToo examples. Her hair is business chick 80s which is to say: on brand but I could use about 90% more Working Girl, please. 

And now let’s get to the only storyline I truly cared about: Nancy’s mom Karen Wheeler (aka Carla Buono). Every season, her wig brings the drama and glamour I crave in an 80s-based TV show. The arc of her wig story is truly the story of America - from 70s disco queen to bored early 80s housewife to the wig we see today - 80s mall glamour queen. AND I AM HERE FOR IT. She and the other ladies of the Hawkins Town Pool are unfortunately here for the worst character on this show: BILLY.

UGH BILLY. I will give this show major props for having his entrance to the same music playing when Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool in Fast Times (second Fast Times reference in this episode tho) but it’s a gender reversal I can definitely get behind. HOWEVER BILLY IS THE WORST. Within 2 seconds of his entrance, he fat shames a tweenager and also HAS THE WORST WIG.

Nothing has changed much from last season on this wig front. It is still very much a curly dried out MESS which is very much trying to reference Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire yet this bish has yet to wail on a saxophone or talk about granny panties so truly: no redeeming qualities here. 

This does not dissuade Carla Buono from falling under the spell of Billy’s terrible wig. To be fair, her husband is a constantly napping Reagan supporter of indeterminate middle age. Anyway, the episode ends with her getting 80s GLAMOUROUS for a latenight rendezvous with Billy at a fleabag hotel. Billy, however, is run off the road by falling/exploding rats (?) and then dragged into a dirty warehouse full of said exploding rats which truly is the fate I wanted for him and his bad rattail so: COSIGN.

CHAPTER TWO: MALL RATS

We begin with Billy in the rat-infested warehouse being very much alive, so already: I’M ANGRY WITH THIS EPISODE. However, Billy and his awful wig have definitely been through the ringer and he’s about to high-tail it out of there when he comes face to face with: HIMSELF?!?! I don’t know what sort of US crossover this is supposed to be...can we get Jordan Peele on the horn about this? Anyway, he drives out of there in his now somehow completely fine car that didn’t work about 5 minutes ago and then stops at the most bizarrely situated telephone booth literally in the middle of nowhere. I thought this might be a Bill & Ted crossover but nope: he just tries to call 911 before all the electricity bails on that plan.

In other telephone news, Mike has been shook to his core by Sheriff Hopper and tells Elle that he can’t see her and makes up some lies about his grandma. Queen on the scene/his mom Karen and her GLAMOROUS PERFECTION WIG are somehow listening in (KAREN!!!!) and she’s concerned about grandma now too. Everyone back at the pool is concerned about Billy/”Billy” (not sure if he’s the real thing or a mole person version or a possessed alien version - probably the latter) and he is straight up RUDE to Karen so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY ALWAYS. There are also a bunch of shots of the back of his nightmare wig that gave me the shivers. Oh, and he fully kidnaps the other lifeguard as a human sacrifice to a demogorgon blob so definitely: EFF YOU BILLY x100000.

This episode also introduced MAYOR CARY ELWES! This is very good casting and this whole storyline seems like an homage to Jaws so: OK! Also Sheriff Hopper asked Winona’s season 3 wig (which is still good!) on a date/nondate which she definitely didn’t attend because she had far more important lessons to learn about magnets and that’s probably the best reason to stand up a dude ever.

Elsewhere, boring couple is investigating some weird rat/fertilizer situation at an old lady’s house and basically I didn’t pay attention to this part because it was boring and it involved exploding rats so: hard pass. Nancy’s hair looked fine. Jonathan’s hair is a mess. The end.

The rest of the episode was devoted to the only kind of rats I like: MALL RATS! Over at Scoops Ahoy, my favorite bromance between Steve and Dustin was rekindled and truly it is a beautiful thing. 

However, Maya Hawke and her language skills (which are romance based, not Russian but whatever!) come into play to translate the Soviet message Dustin intercepted. They somehow translate it (SURE?) and also Maya’s hair is about as 80s as John Travolta’s 70s costumes were in 50s-set Grease. This hair is pure 2019 and you do you Stranger Things. THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS. 

Meanwhile, Mike is BUMMED about having to lie to Elle so he brings Lucas and Will along with him to the mall to...buy something for Elle to erase the lie he told her? The whole time Will kept asking when they could leave and play D&D and the whole time I wanted these boys to not have bowl cuts anymore.

In the most important storyline, Elle teamed up with Max to have a LADIES DAY AT THE MALL AND I WAS HERE FOR IT! Max does not seem like the kind of chick who is into fashion or commercialism but her overriding guidance of finding yourself through consumerism and forsaking any sad feelings about boys is just good TV. Retail therapy is great!

And I’m sorry but there is absolutely no better cinema than an 80s makeover montage to effing MATERIAL GIRL. YES PLEASE.

Elle also used her powers to prank some asshole chicks at the Orange Julius and this whole part of the show felt very Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the movie but I guess also the song) so VERY YES PLEASE.

THEY EVEN TOOK EFFING GLAMOUR SHOTS. CAN YOU EVEN?! THIS IS EVERYTHING! I don’t know who funded this amazing afternoon at the mall since Max’s parents seem like pretty absentee wrong-side-of-the-tracks types and clearly this whole mall fiasco goes against everything Sheriff Hopper stands for but whatever logic: YAY MALL!

In the end, Elle calls out Mike on his lie and DUMPS HIS ASS! GIRL POWER! MALL POWER! ICE CREAM POWER 4EVER!

CHAPTER THREE: THE CASE OF THE MISSING LIFEGUARD

My favorite bromance, Dustin and Steve, are on the hunt for Russians in the mall! This whole plot is ridiculous and wonderful. They think they’re really onto something here (and maybe they are?) and just need to find some guy with blonde hair and a duffle bag (like all Russians!) When they find someone who fits that description, he turns out to be a FABULOUS aerobics instructor and I like what everyone has done here with the gay or European? trope.

Meanwhile, Hopper comes home from being stood up with bottle of Chianti and general sense of hopelessness when everything takes a turn for the GREAT because Elle isn’t making out with Mike - she’s found a great galpal and they’re having a sleepover. Halleluj all over the place! Elle deserves a great galpal and Max is pretty awesome and can ALMOST land an ollie so I say amen. Winona’s season 3 wig (still great!) shows up and explains about magnets and then they go back to the lab and find an actual Russian (not an aerobics instructor!) but then he hightails it out of there with no other explanation other than the fact that he might be the Terminator and/or just a motorcycle enthusiast.

Anyway, Elle and Max have the best sleepover EVER by using Elle’s sensory deprivation skills to spy on the boys and truly this is the What Men Want crossover no one wanted but sure! (PS the answer is Doritos belches and farts UGH BOYS). 

Beyond that, what Will wants is to just play D&D IN THIS GODDAMNED ELEGANT CAPE, OK?! Mike and Lucas go along with it for a bit, but they are just too girl crazy to concentrate on being a nerd for long. Mike yells at Will, “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” which is interesting phraseology since the internet really wants Will to be gay and only time will tell but honey: the cape eleganza story you’re serving is pretty fabulous, just sayin! (THE DEMOGORGON’S IN THE DETAILS ALWAYS). 

Anyway, after some fun sensory deprivation visions of the guys doing stupid stuff, Elle and Max decide to invent a whole spin-the-bottle inspired game to see what other dudes in Hawkins are up to and dammit if the bottle didn’t land on my wig nemesis BILLY. Elle sees that he’s up to some pretty effed up nonsense involving kidnapping that other lifeguard so they decide to investigate IN THE RAIN.

The rest of the episode is mainly devoted to fabulous 80s raincoat fashion and I WAS HERE FOR IT. Beyond these great raincoat lewks, most of the rest of the cast also rocked some fab 80s raincoats (excepting Will who got soaked destroying his childhood fort and Steve who OF COURSE was wearing a members only jacket but jokes on him bc that rain totally dented his ‘do). 

Anyway, Elle and Max go over to the missing lifeguard’s house and OF COURSE her dad is the #1 asshole that boring couple works with (oh also they did more boring investigating which resulted in an old lady eating fertilizer. Meh). But shocker: BILLY AND HIS AWFUL WIG WERE THERE TOO.

LOOK AT THE SIDE OF THIS DAMN WIG. Truly, this wig IS the demogorgon of this season.

Anyway, double shocker: THE LIFEGUARD ALSO WAS THERE! Or I guess a possessed version of her since this plotline is getting less US and more Invasion of the Body Snatchers (no need to return my call anymore, Jordan Peele). Also possession or not, this chick’s side pony and wispy bangs are the true terrors (second only to Billy’s wig). 

Also can we talk about Billy’s mustache for a second? IT IS SO DISGUSTING. That’s all I have to say. I don’t want to look at it any further.  Also look at how dried out this wig is and this whole episode involves torrential rain. I DEMAND MORE WIG HUMIDITY DAMMIT.

Anyway, Max and Elle (smartly) hightail it out of there right before Billy and the lifeguard attack her parents for further demogorgon possessions and we get one last terrifying view of Billy’s wig. HORRIFYING.

CHAPTER FOUR: THE SAUNA TEST

So I’m really liking the whole Elle and Max vibe going along here. I also like that they weren’t dissuaded by the whole Billy being a possessed demogorgon thing to spoil their sleepover. IT CONTINUES! And not only that, Max is literally introducing  WONDER WOMAN TO ELLE. I could watch an entire episode of this also because both of their hair isn’t too offensive and they’ve both discovered scrunchies. Mazel! But of course, the guys call in a code red and they have to hightail it over there to fix everything. Ain’t it always the way, ladies?

I would like to take a moment to talk about bowl cuts. So far, I have just lumped both Will and Mike’s bowl cuts into “awful” territory as all bowl cuts are awful. However, this episode gets a lot of shots of the back of Will’s head (because the back of his neck is always sensing those goddamned demogorgons). Anyway, it became very clear in this episode just how terrible this wig is as opposed to Mike’s terrible bowl cut actual hair. I consulted the internet, and apparently the kid who plays Will CUT HIS HAIR (which he was contractually obligated NOT to do) days before shooting began and the wigmaster had to scramble and make a wig literally out of the childhood cut hair of one of her assistants. READ IT ALL HERE. Despite her hustle, this wig sucks in the way that all man wigs suck: the back taper is just all off!! And with all those closeups of Will’s neck it is VERY DISTRACTING!! Billy officially is not the only one with a terrible man wig this season. But his is still the worst!

It did hide a bit under this sweet NIAGARA FALLS hat this episode. And his oily bohunk body was hidden under this sweatshirt which was a dead giveaway to all the kids that SOMETHING WAS AMISS HERE since Billy can barely keep a shirt on at school let alone the pool. Since Will knows that demogorgons (specifically the mind flayer?) like it CHILL, everyone was all: THIS DUDE IS STRAIGHT UP POSSESSED. Great work, kids! Also honestly, this whole lewk was giving me Weekend At Bernies realness and I was here for it (since it implies that Billy is dead which I would like very much please). 

Meanwhile, Hopper’s anger management issues get PEAK BLOODY when he just beats the shit out of Cary Elwes (who is technically kind of his boss?) in demanding answers about that Terminator/motorcycle enthusiast who beat the shit out of HIM last episode. Oh, and just an FYI: Winona’s season 3 wig was along for the ride and was still looking great! I cannot say the same for Cary Elwes’s face!

Over at Scoops Ahoy, Steve and his superior wigless mane are doing some serious air duct work with the help of Lucas’s precocious sister. This whole plotline begs the question: do any of the parents of Hawkins ever know where their kids are?

Meanwhile, boring couple is on the rocks after having a really boring fight about whether it’s worse to be a woman or poor and they called it a draw I guess? Anyway, I haven’t spent much time talking about Nancy’s hair which is starting to look a little lumpy honestly and the article I read (link above) told me the bizarre fun fact that most of this hair is real and permed (duh) but that part of the undercarriage is remnants from Winona’s season 1 wig which is obviously why it looks so shitty. The more you know!

Anyway, after being fired by the #metoo boss (who is now also demogorgon possessed) for wanting to investigate why that old lady with the fertilizer eating rats is now also eating fertilizer, she turned to her mom - the one and only queen of Hawkins glamour - KAREN WHEELER. LOOK AT THIS GODDAMNED PERFECT LEWK. Mama Karen ended up giving her a very great motivational pep talk that legit made me cry (SERIOUSLY) about how she had to keep fighting and get the world out about this effed up fertilizer situation. She also delivered a sick burn about her constantly napping husband. I LOVE YOU KAREN.

Back at the town pool, all the kids concocted a Home Alone-style booby trap to get Billy into the sauna, crank up the heat, and prove that there is a heat-hating demogorgon inside him. It kind of worked except they also almost died during the battle royale between Billy’s inner demon (literal this time) and Elle. 

Also I know that I demanded wig humidity last time but this is NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG THIS WIG IS A GHOSTMARE. Anyway, Elle saved the day (duh) for now by throwing Billy through a brick wall like he was the Kool-Aid man but seems like he’s forming a demogorgon army of possessed mole people so seems like it’s gonna be one crazy summer, you guys!

CHAPTER FIVE: THE FLAYER

Straight off the bat: this was a weird episode because it included neither my least favorite wigwearer, Billy, nor (SOB) my favorite wig wearer, KAREN WHEELER. So we were left with a bunch of other randos, mainly Soviets. We begin with Winona’s season 3 wig (looking a little rough around the edges in this episode, I am sad to report) and Hopper, fresh off the info he beat out of Mayor Cary Elwes, high tailing it to some farm owned by The Terminator dude. Under his bed, they find a bunker with these two dudes in it. Good morning!

Terminator dude, obvs shows up fairly immediately and lots of yelling, guns, and machismo ensue. In the end, the Terminator is briefly subdued by a fallen bookshelf and Winona’s season 3 wig, Hopper, and one of the rando Soviets escape but not without car troubles because: of course?

After Hopper’s truck explodes, they are all forced to walk through the woods while Winona’s season 3 wig hilariously tries to ask the non-English-speaking Soviet dude about magnets. It’s all pretty silly stuff but I’m here for Winona’s season 3 wig to get some comedic scenes instead of long suffering Christmas light crying scenes.

Anyway, they find a 7-11 where a lot of product placement and caffeine takes place, as well as Hooper yelling a lot for no reason which is essentially his entire character this season. Get some anger management classes, dude! Also the rando Soviet gets a slushie so between that and Billy’s icee last episode: WHAT A TIME FOR FLAVORED ICE WATER!

My absolute favorite part of the episode came next when Hooper commandeered a sweet convertible from this yuppie asshole. I’m not sure how often police commandeer vehicles in real life but I love it when they do it in movies because it’s always taking a car from some pompous idiot who clearly doesn’t deserve to drive (see: Speed, So I Married An Axe Murderer, etc). You can’t get more pompous or idiotic than this yuppie (named Todd, of course?!) with both a popped Polo shirt AND a blazer with zhuzhed sleeves AND white pants. THE NERVE OF THIS GUY FOR EVEN EXISTING! PLEASE TAKE HIS CAR! OMG HIS LICENSE PLATE IS TDFTHR! EVERYTHING IS JUSTIFIED!

Then Hopper, Winona’s season 3 wig, and the rando Soviet drive directly to Murray’s compound in Illinois. I’m bummed we have to suffer through Murray and his existence again since I’ll never forgive him for the gross pull-out couch jokes he made about #boringcouple’s sex romp at his house but here we are. He DOES speak Russian so let’s just get through this translation. Oh and obviously the Terminator dude questioned the 7-11 clerk so he’s probably on his way to Murray’s house now, hopefully to kill him so I don’t have to suffer through any more of his gross sex jokes. 

Meanwhile, the Scoops Ahoy spy crew are still locked in that elevator they took way into the bedrock of earth/logic but somehow manage to escape when some (more!) rando Soviets come to unlock some deliveries. Then they discover the whole Soviet plan to reopen the Upside Down while also not being noticed by one single Soviet (great security, dudes!) except for this one Soviet who Steve beats up (GO STEVE!) I’d also like to say that Steve’s superior wigless mane is truly wonderful in this episode. The lights from the underground labs really bring out his summer highlights and it’s truly a thing of beauty. Uma Thurman’s daughter continues to have a 2019 beach wave blunt instagram cut not welcome in this 80s narrative please but otherwise she’s fine. 

Over with #boringcouple, they got back together I guess? Remember at the end of season 1 when we were all deeply offended that Nancy was still with Steve and NOT Will’s brother (I refuse to believe he has an actual name). How things have changed! If Steve ever took back Nancy, I would be personally DEEPLY OFFENDED so I guess it’s fine she’s just still a #boringcouple but it’s still boring you guys. Even more boring: the actors are a couple in real life and have been for years! I just found this out this week and found it DEEPLY BORING.

Anyway, #boringcouple teams up with the tween gang to solve this whole fertilizer eating mystery and Nancy totally mommed it up when she put her shitty perm back in a banana clip and told all the kids to buckle up so she could drive her parents’ wood-paneled station wagon and honestly this section felt very Adventures in Babysitting so I’ll allow it. Also Will’s bro’s hair always looks like it was cut by a weed wacker and I’m not sure if this is a comment on his socioeconomic plight but truly Winona’s season 3 wig should get her kids better haircuts please. If her wig can improve so can theirs. In any case, at the missing lifeguard’s house, they vaguely put together some blood-related clues and then decide to visit the fertilizer eating grandma in the hospital.

Only fertilizer eating grandma ain’t there, hunties! Also please return all those flowers to their vase, please. Instead, #boringcouple apologized to each other for their boring fight in an elevator and then had to fight two possessed #metoo bros from the newspaper (which was very satisfying) while Elle and Mike basically starred in an M&Ms commercial in the waiting room. I honestly was hoping that #boringcouple would get possessed too but they ended up being ok (SIGH) and the back of Will’s bowl cut wig sensed danger so I guess Elle is just gonna have to fix everything in the next episode or 3. 

CHAPTER SIX: E PLURIBUS UNUM

We begin, UGH, with #boringcouple who are still battling with (part of?) the mind flayer in the hospital and Nancy gets very Sigourney Weaver in Alien and I thought she was about to get flayed but sadly Elle saved her ass. Back at Hooper’s bunker, the whole gang is still basically relying Elle for both protection and sensory deprivation recon. Nancy gels her hair up for some reason (I hope she used DEP!) and Will keeps getting the tingles on the back of his terrible bowl cut wig. Max and Mike have a battle royale about who cares about Elle more and whether women can make their own decisions about their own telepathic powers which Nancy rightfully weighs in on (you go gurl?) But honestly, no one was protecting Elle from the real catastrophe here: WEARING CRISS CROSS SUSPENDERS THE WHOLE GODDAMNED EPISODE. Suspenders are fine and I’m glad Elle has found fashion, but maybe the kids can elect one of them as Elle’s suspenders advocate to avoid this in the future?

Meanwhile, Terminator dude still hasn’t caught up with Murray (sadly) and everyone in his bunker is still very much alive, at least until they die of lung cancer (ZING!) Anyway, Murray does a lot of Russian translation, rando Soviet dude throws a diva fit about slurpee flavors, Hopper continues his reign of anger management/alcoholism problems, and Winona’s season 3 wig is honestly not looking great. They do somehow figure out what the Russians are doing under Starcourt (they even make diagrams and use a lot of Burger King product placement to reenact nuclear scanarios!) And Hopper calls a secure line to demand backup back in Hawkins. Okay?

Back in Hawkins, Bloody Bloody Cary Elwes seems to have recovered from Hopper’s beating pretty nicely (as long as he keeps those shades on) and is very much invested in the 4th of July county fair he is PRODUCING (he even made signs crediting himself!) The Terminator dude demands answers about Hooper but no matter: JUST ENJOY THIS FAIR RIDE!

Speaking of people getting face beatings, Steve is getting absolutely SAVAGED by the Soviets. It was honestly very heartbreaking because he has somehow become the male MVP of this show, partially to do with his hair god status (EVEN WITH A BLOODY FACE HIS HAIR LOOKS SO GREAT!) but also because he’s become a really sweet guy and I just want him to catch a damn break! (Tho please continue to be broken up with Nancy - dear god!) 

We shouldn’t be too worried about him getting back together with Nancy, though, because if it wasn’t clear from the moment Uma Thurman’s daughter was introduced: THESE TWO ARE OBVS GETTING TOGETHER. Her hair is still a very 2019 distraction but she’s def an upgrade from Nancy. However, after taking some weird Soviet truth serum (probably just LSD, right?) she admits that she harbored a crush on him way back in the 10th grade and also totally undermines her cool outsider status by admitting that all losers want to be popular (I DON’T KNOW IF ALL LOSERS STAND BY THIS GURL I HOPE THIS IS JUST THE LSD TALKING!) This whole section gives a lot of Some Kind of Wonderful realness and honestly that is a lesser John Hughes work so I’m not sure I can give any of this a passing grade. However, Dustin and my new favorite sass machine, Erica save the day with a nuclear cow prod! GREAT WORK KIDS! ALSO YOUR PARENTS DEFINITELY DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE! Speaking of parents, yet again the glamour of KAREN WHEELER did not grace itself in this episode and we were all worse for it.

Back at Hopper’s cabin, Elle decides to go nuclear with her sensory deprivation recon and we all have to welcome BILLY (UGH BILLY) and his terrible wig back. Anyway, he pushes her further into the recesses of his memory/all logic on an astral plane that can only be described as the place where Michelle Pfeiffer was in the Ant-Man sequel (IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT HOW VERY DARE YOU). So we get a lot of terrible childhood flashbacks which try to show Billy’s abusive tendencies to be learned from his horrible upbringing and truly: DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT BILLY.

JUST LOOK AT THIS IDIOT. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Despite the humidity of his entire body, his wig remains a dried out hellscape that I would love to never see again for the rest of my days. Also he almost traps Elle in the astral plane they’re on JUST LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN THAT ANT-MAN MOVIE) but she escapes into the arms of Mike (fine sure) and then Billy explains that he and and his army of mole people have been waiting for Elle this whole time and: REALLY? That seems very specific but you do you, mole people. Oh also all those mole people (grandma fertilizer included!) all file into the rat warehouse and shapeshift into a disgusting mind flayer/demogorgon/blob nightmare. YAY!

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE BITE

Welcome to the Fun Fair (a Mayor Cary Elwes production!) Somehow he recovered from his terrible face beating to show some FACE at this thing. The whole town is there and ready for some 4th of July FUN that will definitely not be ruined by Russians or demogorgons. 

Most importantly, this episode gave us the triumphant return of KAREN WHEELER! HER HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! She is bringing full out bouffant glamour to the Fun Fair and damn if she didn’t have this lewk done at Dolly Parton’s salon in Steel Magnolias. IT IS THAT GOOD.  Clearly employing the “higher the hair the closer to god” theory - and not just hair-wise actually because this bish bribed some carnie to stop the ferris wheel at its highest point so that she and her family (at least the part of her family whose whereabouts she knows about) can enjoy some FIREWORKS. KAREN YOU MINX I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS DUDE IN GOLF PANTS?!

The top of the ferris wheel is also a perfect place to see the incoming demogorgon!! The back of Will’s bowl cut is getting the tingles too. And before Elle can fully explain her trip into Billy’s beach memories, the mind flayer is THERE, y’all, busting through the roof of Hopper’s cabin like it’s straight out of a 50s b-movie. I would like to note that for ONCE Winona’s house isn’t about to get trashed so mazel! #Boringcouple armed themselves with guns and axes but obvs they prove completely useless and the flayer is about to steal Elle away when they make a human chain and are victorious...FOR NOW.

Meanwhile, Dustin and Erica are dealing with a very drugged up Steve and Uma Thurman’s daughter and decide to lay low in a showing of (WHAT ELSE?): Back to the Future! They actually show so much of this movie that I’m assuming the entire wig budget went straight to Robert Zemeckis. 

Over in the TDFTHER convertible, Winona’s season 3 wig is looking a damn MESS as is all the side projection of them getting back to Indiana. There’s a lot of bickering between Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper and finally my beloathed Murray has to meet his gross sex talk quota for the season and tells both of them to just have sex already and then he and the Soviet dude laugh a lot and OMG GET ME OUT OF THIS CONVERTIBLE.

#Boringcouple and the kids smash into a supermarket to get Elle some medical help for the leg that the flayer effed up. I’m not sure why a hospital wasn’t an option but it’s probably so there could be more 80s product placement like Mr. T cereal and a whole actual conversation about New Coke. Nancy’s hair is still VERY depped up. Max seems to have the most medical training from skateboard injuries and fixes Elle up pretty well while the dudes prove completely useless other than finding a treasure trove of fireworks. I guess most importantly, Elle was reunited with her ain’ true love: EGGOS. They hightail it out of there with a ton of fireworks that they definitely won’t (lol jk) use later. Oh and Elle’s blood kind of comes alive and Billy and his shitty wig come back to sniff her out. Gross. 

Speaking of gross, Steve and Uma’s daughter left the very confusing (for them) screening of Back to the Future to go stare at the Starcourt ceiling to the point of barfing (which I honestly did not need to see TWICE or at all!) The barf did get the LSD out of their systems so now it’s time for truth talk and LURVE TALK! I really have to hand it to Steve for being completely face beaten and bloody and covered in barf and still having enough swagger to admit to Uma’s daughter that he has feelings for her (despite her 2019 hair) and just when I thought this show was so predictable, Uma’s daughter comes out as a LESBIAN!! What? Okay! To his credit, Steve pivots pretty easily to ally/friend and truly: HE IS THE BEST AND WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM. ALSO PLEASE GET HELP ON YOUR FACE WOUNDS AND YOUR HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT. 

NOR DO WE DESERVE THIS MUCH GLAMOUR TWICE IN ONE EPISODE. Karen Wheeler may look great but damn if she knows where her (or Winona’s season 3 wig’s) kids are. But let’s just enjoy this space ship ride! Also a rando carnie calls Hopper “Magnum” and: sick burn. Also there is a woman dressed up as Uncle Sam at the fun fair and between this drag king realness, Uma’s daughter, that one Jazzercise instructor, and (maybe/probably) Will, I’m so ready to throw a Hawkins Pride Parade. Karen is already wearing rainbow stripes!

Elsewhere at the fun fair, Alexei is having the time of his damn life winning a Woody Woodpecker with the support of 10000 children. Sadly, his joy is cut short when the Terminator dude kills him in cold blood. HARSH. Also Murray chooses to blame himself for not guarding him like he was supposed to and instead buying a corn dog. I AGREE, MURRAY: THIS IS YOUR FAULT PLEASE LEAVE. Then Hopper has a whole sequence with the Terminator dude (and some other rando Soviet baddies) in the funhouse which is the second time this season which felt like a weird homage to US and I guess I need to get Jordan Peele on the horn again about this. Anyway, Hopper gets ANOTHER face beating and so does Cary Elwes from Winona’s (also beat) season 3 wig. 

Back at the mall, Steve and company are trying to just slip out with the rest of the movie crowd from Back to the Future but the Soviets are totally onto them and it looks like they’re about to be killed when (AGAIN) Elle saves the day by throwing a Chrysler LeBaron on them. GREAT WORK! Unfortunately, Elle is also receiving a threatening phonecall from a mini demogorgon and the call is coming from: INSIDE HER LEG. 

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE BATTLE OF STARCOURT

So this demogorgon situation with Elle’s leg is pretty severe so Will’s brother (again name NOT NECESSARY) prepares for mall surgery based on stuff found at the Panda Express and literally gave her a wooden spoon to bite on as if this was happening during the Revolutionary War. The demogorgon leg removal is not working so as always, Elle just DID IT HERSELF because she may be the only capable person in this mall/town. 

Hopper and Winona’s season 3 wig (not looking great) and (UGH) Murray show up and everyone compares notes on how to fix this whole mindflayer situation. Most importantly, Erica outsasses Murray and wins. Steve (rightly) gets the keys to the TDFTHER convertible to take him, Uma’s daughter, Dustin and Erica (now known as Scoops Troop) to Dustin’s radio tower. The rest of the tweens plus #boringcouple (now known as The Griswold Family because sure) are getting sent to Murray’s bunker and can’t they maybe stop and get Elle some medical attention on the way? No matter: they’re not going anywhere because Billy, possessed or not, still knows way too much about cars and stole their damn ignition cable. DAMMIT BILLY. 

Steve is driving the Scoops Troop up a damn hill to the radio tower while listening to Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher which I’m sure is a Ghostbusters 2 reference and also Uma’s daughter looks exactly like her in the convertible driving part of Kill Bill and honestly all of these pop cultural references are getting tiring. Anyway, from the top of the radio tower, they can see the demogorgon closing in on the mall and Steve and Uma’s daughter hightail it back there. 

At the mall, Elle is having some trouble moving that LeBaron to get the ignition cable - she can’t even move a damn coke can. WHAT GIVES? This does beg the question: since she has literally done all the heavy lifting this season, could she maybe call in a favor from her telepathic sister in Chicago? Why did this show even introduce that character - just to check off “punks” on their 80s pop culture list (note: DEFINITELY) But seriously, it’s like when Marvel makes a stand-alone superhero movie after an Avengers movie. SOMEONE GET THAT PUNK CHICK ON THE HORN!!! Anyway, Will gets some back of bowl cut tingles and the damn demogorgon smashes through the roof. Elle, Mike, and Max make a run for it through the gap, where the demogorgon confuses a mannequin wearing Elle’s same clothing and truly: the gap would NEVER sell this graphic eleganza! Did Esprit just not want to be involved in this whole mess because that is where she would have bought that. The rest of the tense gap scene plays out basically exactly like the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park. Meanwhile, #boringcouple is doing boring auto work while Billy just endlessly stalls in his evilmobile but is about to hit them when MVP hair god Steve saves the day and everyone piles into the station wagon. YAY!

Elsewhere, the Terminator dude has made it to the Soviet subbasement where Hooper, Winona’s season 3 wig and (UGH) Murray are now in Soviet apparel. Winona’s season 3 wig (looking great hidden under that hat) and Hopper have a nice talk and make plans for a legit date which definitely won’t be derailed by a demogorgon (lol jk jk). Murray manages to infiltrate the room where all the wires control the nuclear weapon the Soviets are using to open up the Upside Down and why wasn’t this room better guarded? Oh well. Much like sucking at guarding Soviets and not buying corndogs, Murray sucks at remembering important numbers which are the combination for the nuclear keys. 

Of course the code is some nerdy equation that requires Dustin to ask fellow nerd (and girlfriend Suzie who exists!) for help. But not before Suzie demands that Dustin sing....The Neverending Story theme song. This is peak 80s cultural reference and we can all go home now. Also it is mainly an excuse for Galen Matarazzo to sing and sure: he and this chick sound great! Now please get those damn keys! 

Elle,  Max and Mike are confronted with (unfortunately still alive) Billy who beats the shit out of all of them and takes Elle. She’s about to get flayed when Lucas and Will throw all those damn fireworks on the demogorgon. Sure!  Elle uses Billy’s memories to reason with him. This show definitely wants us to root for Billy all of a sudden because he turns on the demogorgon but I REFUSE TO LIKE BILLY WITH THAT DRIED OUT WIG IN THIS SWEATY MALL. 

   Back in the subbasement, Winona’s season 3 wig and Hopper are ready to end this but the Terminator dude shows up. They duke it out very close to a nuclear warhead while Winona’s season 3 wig turns into MacGuyver and uses a belt to try to disarm both keys and bless her. Hopper throws the Terminator into nuclear generator thingie. Byeeeeee. Then Hopper looks back at Winona’s season 3 wig for long enough to definitely make it back into the safe glass room where she is but instead just gives a really long nod, signalling her to disarm the nuclear whatever thing and he definitely (absolutely does not) die. 

However, all my hopes and dreams for Billy’s death finally came true! YAY FOR ME AND MY HATRED OF HIS TERRIBLE WIG AND HIS CHARACTER WHICH HAD NO REDEEMING QUALITIES NO MATTER HOW MANY BEACH FLASHBACKS TRIED TO PROVE OTHERWISE. I will say that his exit is VERY METAL so in some ways, this was the only appropriate death for his Metallica and Tank loving character. FINE. Two seconds after he and the demogorgon die, the feds show up with Paul Reiser! I am honestly very mad at this show for not blasting Pat Benatar’s Little Too Late during this entire sequence. OH WELL. Outside the mall Winona’s season 3 wig and Will’s terrible bowl cut wig are reunited in a bad wig hug. Then Winona’s season 3 wig catches sight of Elle and gives her a look that says: I am definitely adopting you.

Three months later, a fake Inside Edition show gets us up to date on the burning of the mall, government coverups, and comeuppance of terrible mayor Cary Elwes. Also Uma’s daughter (now with 80s appropriate updo!) and Steve are trying to get jobs at the video store! Uma’s daughter and her love of Billy Wilder movies make her a shoe-in for the job but Steve's taste in the Ewok Star Wars movie and the 5 minutes he saw of Back To the Future whilst on LSD don’t make him the best candidate. Also he trips over a Phoebe Cates cut-out and truly Phoebe Cates: thank you for your service in being name-checked constantly this season. In the end, Steve’s awesome hair gets him the job. Maybe? 

Meanwhile, Winona’s season 3 wig is moving just like she said she was going to this whole season and no one believed her. Also she put her wig back in a ponytail and: good move it looks ok! Elle still doesn’t have her powers back but eh? She does get a heart-tugging letter from beyond the grave (he’s totally still alive) and all the kids/tweens/#boringcouple sob that they are being separated. It isn’t clear where Winona’s season 3 wig is going or how she could have sold her shitty house in the town that fake Inside Edition show called haunted. And yes, separating her now 3 PTSD kids from their only support group is also shitty but what has this goddamned town ever done for Winona and any of her seasons’ wigs other than stealing her children and killing her love interests and trashing that shitty house at least twice?! I SAY GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE (they will fully be back next season). 

After collectively sobbing all their faces off, the tweens of Hawkins are left only with the ELEGANZA OF KAREN WHEELER and whatever healthy dinner she’s preparing with the help of some white wine. YOU KIDS ARE STILL LUCKY WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE KAREN WHEELER! Oh and back in Russia, Hopper is like 110% definitely still alive. See y’all next season!

FINAL VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (YOU KNOW IT WAS BILLY’S FAULT)

[drawacharge]

insecurities.

a little dose of jealous!steve because there’s not enough jealous!steve and i feel like season one has proven that steve has jealousy issues. this is dedicated to my boo @benalras who had a bad day and i love her and wanted to give her something that maybe makes her smile. enjoy! also read on ao3.

Steve never had jealousy issues until Nancy. Until he actually had something he cared about losing. His parents barely gave him the time of day, and any girl before her had only been good for a couple fun romps in the sack, nothing more. Hell, he didn’t even experience platonic jealousy, never giving a shit what Tommy did or who he did it with.

But then Nancy showed up and she was beautiful and sweet and so fucking good, too good for Steve. Maybe he was insecure about it more than he thought. Maybe that’s what made him see red when he saw her and Byers sitting on her bed. Byers who took pictures of her while she was undressing. Byers who had creepy eyes, always kept to himself, and walked around like he thought he was better than everyone in this town. God, Steve had hated him, and he’d hated the idea that maybe Nancy wanted him more than she wanted Steve.

He didn’t hate him anymore, but it hadn’t done shit for Steve’s insecurities when Nancy ended up leaving him for the guy. He could hear that nasty voice in his head going i told you i told you i told you, over and over again. But.

He got over it.

He got over it because he cared about Nancy, and he ( eventually ) cared about Jonathan, and he wanted them to be happy and he was trying so fucking hard to be a better person than he used to be.

Then he became friends with Billy Hargrove. 

Then he became more than friends with Billy Hargrove.

Billy didn’t give a shit that he had jealousy issues, or insecurities. Billy wasn’t perfect, and that was good because Steve wasn’t either and he was so tired trying to pretend like he was. He had to be good for everyone. His parents. Nancy. The kids. But with Billy he didn’t have to be all that. He could be an asshole, or he could just be tired. Either way, the blonde held on tight and took it all in stride. 

Of course, it helps that, for a while, there’s nothing around to make Steve jealous. 

The girls who made eyes at Billy, or touched his arm, or giggled when he said something that wasn’t all that funny, didn’t bother Steve. They weren’t threats. Billy was as gay as he was blonde, and as far as they both knew, Steve was the only other resident queer in Hawkins that was their age. That made him feel safe. That made his insecurities sit comfortably in the back of his mind, sated. 

And then Billy turned eighteen.

He turned eighteen and Steve was staying over because Neil was out of town and Susan didn’t give a shit; far too trusting and too oblivious to ever think her womanizing step-son liked dick. 

It was ten am and they were on the couch eating breakfast, Max sandwiched between them and looking toward the window every five minutes impatiently. Steve thought nothing of it. He figured maybe Lucas or one of the others was coming over since Neil wasn’t around.

Then there’s the sudden sound of a van pulling into Billy’s driveway and Max is launching off the couch. Billy stops too, mutes the TV and cocks his head like the sound is familiar to him before he’s getting up. He gets to the window just as Max gets to the door and goes, “Holy shit.”

Max grins, opens the door, and Steve can make out five varying faces as Max goes, “Happy Birthday, Billy!”

Turns out, it’s his friends. His best friends from California. Max had stolen their numbers from the little box under Billy’s bed and called them up. They took a road trip all the way here just for his birthday.

Billy looks like how a kid is supposed to look when their parents tell them that they’re going to Disneyland. He’s grinning from ear to ear, and once he’s over his shock, each of them are pulling him in for separate hugs, laughing and greeting him.

Steve stands there and just feels... stupid. Like he doesn’t belong.

They look like Billy too. Or, at least, the kinds of people Billy would hang out with if he had the option. They look like they fit him.

Billy introduces them to him. He calls Steve his friend, and Steve has to remind himself that it’s because Susan is only two rooms away and not because he doesn’t want his super cool and amazing California friends to know he’s dating some small town asshole.

The first hand he shakes belongs to a blonde dream boat. He’s not as beautiful as Billy, but he’s a close second. He’s got green eyes, freckles, and a smile that makes you immediately want to be his friend. It almost looks wrong on the leather jacket, ripped jeans, and combat boots wearing body his head is attached to. He also has one earring dangling from a lobe. A feather.

His name is Cal, he’s the oldest of the five, the owner of the van, and-- as Steve finds out later-- the guy who pierced Billy’s ear for him when he was sixteen.

The second hand belongs to a girl, and maybe the most intimidating girl Steve’s ever laid eyes on, including the telekinetic thirteen year old he babysits sometimes. She has long, straight black hair that’d probably go passed her ass if she didn’t have it tied up in a high pony-tail. She’s wearing big earrings, dark lipstick, an army jacket, and when she greets him she pops a bubble in his face and grins when Steve jumps.

Billy tells her don’t be a bitch and she cusses him out in what Steve is pretty sure is Spanish. 

Later, when they’re eating at the diner with the kids, Billy says, “Camilla here is what we call a dyke--” and, without missing a beat, Camilla tosses a ketchup covered fry at him, cackles when it stains his shirt, and goes, “S’cuse you, mamahuevo. We prefer the term carpet muncher,” and everyone laughs except for Dustin who goes, “Uh, Steve, what’s a carpet muncher?” which only makes everyone laugh harder.

Third person to shake his hand is another chick. This one’s head is totally shaved and she’s got some sort of tattoo sticking out from the neck of her cut up shirt that says FUCK OFF across the front. She’s got an unlit cigarette between her lips and holds Steve’s hand for a little too long, looking him in the eye like she can read his fucking soul.

Billy rolls his eyes, shoves her off and goes, “Quit it with your weird pagan shit, Hannah.” Which makes her grin and step back. 

The next guy is called Ant, ( “it’s short for Anthony and a joke 'cuz he’s so fucking huge, Steve, get it?” ) and even though he’s about the size of Hopper he seems friendly enough, but Steve isn’t giving him much attention because he’s finally realized why the last guy looks so fucking familiar.

It’s Daniel. The Daniel. The one Billy would hook up with, the one he lost his virginity to, the one his fucking father caught him with. 

They’d hugged the longest, Steve remembers, and he hates himself for it.

His eyes are just as pretty as Billy once said, his hair is cut down into a Mohawk, and there’s a jagged white scar standing out against brown skin under his jaw. Steve knows that has to be Neil’s handiwork after he caught them together. 

His smile is warm ( it puts Cal’s to shame ) and he smells good. “You’re a pretty one,” he remarks and Steve hates himself for blushing. To his side Billy-- only half-serious-- goes, “Watch it, D, he’s spoken for,” and even thought it’s not a blatant he’s mine, it still makes Steve feel all warm and keeps his insecurities at bay.

At least for a while. 

They hang around at the house for a while. Ant gives Max noogies and Camilla teases her about becoming a lady and laughs when Max wrinkles her nose and tells her to fuck off. Susan comes out at some point, looks surprised but greets them all anyway, and then they head out because the California Five are starving and Steve and Billy had just smoked a joint before they got there so they’re pretty starving too. 

Max asks if she can call the guys to meet them there and Billy shrugs, so when they get there there’s a bunch of loud brats waiting for them, the loudest-- Dustin-- going, “We saved the good booths!”

Jane seems fucking enamored with Hannah and her lack of hair which is real cute. She goes, “My hair was gone once too,” and Hannah replies with, “Yeah? I bet you looked real bitchin’,” and Jane looks damn near ready to shave her head again right there.   

Daniel compliments Will’s jacket with the rainbow across it and Will blushes red and thanks him with a soft smile and his eyes in his lap. Lucas gets into a very heated discussion with Camilla about some sort of science mambo jumbo Steve doesn’t understand, and even Mike-- who hates just about everyone-- seems to enjoy himself.

The kids approve of Billy’s friends faster than they ever approved of Billy ( and even that still ranges from day to day ). They spend far too long in the diner, talking too loud and eating too much. Steve feels a bit bad so he figures he’ll leave Keith a nice tip for putting up with them.

Steve and Dustin are returning to the table with another round of milkshakes when they pass Billy and Daniel. He pauses, goes, “What’s up?” and Billy shrugs while fishing his pack of smokes from his pocket.

“Nothin’, we’re goin’ out for a smoke.”

Without thinking, Steve says, “Oh, gimme a second and I’ll join you,” and he knows it’s a mistake before the last couple words leave his lips. Billy and Daniel exchange looks, there’s a pause and then Billy licks his lips.

Daniel says, “I’ll head on out,” then keeps walking.

“We uh... kinda’ wanted to talk alone.” His boyfriend says, and he glances at his feet for a second before looking back at Steve. “There’s a lot of shit left unsaid between us and after what Neil did I--” Steve feels like a fucking idiot. He wants the floor to fucking open up and swallow him whole, “No, yeah--” he shakes his head, offers a smile that’s completely forced and hopes Billy doesn’t notice. “-- that makes sense--” thing is, it really does, he’s just being an insecure baby. “--I’ll... see you in a minute?” Billy nods, they look at each other. Steve wants to kiss him. Steve can’t kiss him. The pause passes and he steps away, but fingers catch his wrist before he can completely turn. He looks back at the blonde and notes the crease between his eyebrows, “You good?” Billy asks, because Steve can’t be subtle worth shit and he feels like a fucking ass because here it’s Billy birthday and his best friends are here and Steve is feeling bad for himself.

God, he’s selfish. 

So he smiles again, tries to make this one seem a little more sincere, and turns his hand over to brush his fingertips over the pulse of Billy’s wrist. “I’m good,” he lies and wishes for probably the hundredth time that he could kiss his boyfriend. “But I’m drinking your milkshake.”

It seems to work, because Billy chuckles a little, goes, “Go ahead,” and then walks outside.

Steve takes his seat back at one of the booths and tries not to steal glances out the window to see if he can spot Billy and Daniel. He can, which he realizes is worse because that means he can see how close they stand to each other. He can see them share space as Billy helps Daniel light his cigarette. He can see Billy laugh at something Daniel says. He can see Daniel touch his arm like the girls at school do. He can see, and he loses his appetite, feels like he might throw up, and just wants to get out of there. 

His fingers flex under the table and he thinks about Nancy and Jonathan in her bedroom. He thinks about her telling him nothing happened and you got it wrong. He thinks about her calling him bullshit a year later and running out of town with that same person. He thinks about them having sex. He thinks about Jonathan holding her close and kissing her nape after their done. He thinks about her smiling all soft and happy and just for him. 

Then Nancy is suddenly Billy, and Jonathan is Daniel and Steve wonders if Billy and Daniel would be together now if Billy was still in California. He wonders if Daniel would be his boyfriend instead of himself. He wonders if Billy’s ever smiled at Daniel in the mornings like he smiles at Steve, or if Daniel’s ever woken up to Billy making him coffee and breakfast. He wonders and wonders and wonders. 

He wonders until he realizes someone’s saying his name and finally comes back to earth, blinking in the direction of the noise. It’s Dustin, staring at him like he’s grown a second head, and then Steve realizes everyone’s kind of looking at him like that. Then he finally notices the cold, like he shoved his hand into the freezer, and looks down. The cheap plastic cup that says Coca-Cola across the front is pretty much crushed in his grip and there’s vanilla milkshake pouring over the edges like lava out of a volcano, covering his hand and wrist, dripping onto the table. He’s pretty sure there’s plastic cutting into his palm, too.

“Uh, “ he says, then adds, “sorry,” then finishes with, “my bad.” 

Dustin goes, “Dude,” and Steve suddenly gets up, excuses himself, and heads for the bathroom, cradling his soaked fist in his hand to try and catch what milkshake he can so Keith doesn’t give him the stink eye. 

He wishes he can lock the door, can’t, then goes straight for the sink, flipping the tap on cold before shoving his hand under it. He slowly opens his palm and winces when a piece of plastic pulls off skin. Eventually the vanilla shake and water combo turns into just pink water, and there’s a couple pieces of Coca-Cola cup in his hand, but nothing bad enough to warrant, like, stitches. A bandage or two would be nice though.

He focuses on cleaning off, feeling stupid and cursing himself out under his breath. He can’t believe he did that in front of Billy’s friends, in front of the kids. Losing his cool like some kind of neanderthal that can’t control himself. 

He’s pulling a particular small sliver of plastic out when the bathroom door opens and Steve lifts his head, meeting Billy’s gaze in the mirror. For a second they just look at each other, and then Billy’s stalking across the room and taking the wrist of Steve’s injured hand. Billy brings it up and under the shitty lighting and goes, “Christ, Harrington.”

Steve frowns, looks away, and jerks his hand out of Billy’s grasp, pushing it back under the water. It stings, he winces. “I know-- sorry. I’m handling it. Can you tell Keith I’ll pay for the cup?” “Harrington.”

“Because if you don’t he’s going to throw a fit, as if the cup didn’t cost him like the fraction of a cent to buy.”

“Steve.” “I mean, my dad owns a company for God’s sake, I know how cheap you can buy something when you buy it in bulk. The whole set probably cost--”

“Steve.” Billy drawls low and close, baritone voice in his ear. Suddenly, he’s looking at Billy in the mirror again, and Steve can’t remember when Billy had grabbed his wrist again, but there it is, sitting firmly but harmlessly in his grasp. They stare a little longer, then Billy’s face softens and he goes, “Hey,” and pulls Steve until he’s facing him.

 “Sorry,” he says and Billy frowns more.

“You gonna’ tell me why you Hulk’d out on a shitty plastic cup, baby? Or do I need to tell Henderson to test you for gamma radition?” Steve thinks about making fun of Billy for being a secret geek.

Instead he goes, “I... got distracted.”

An eyebrow quirks, “Distracted, huh? With what?”

“With... thinking.”

Billy snorts in a bemused kind of way and takes Steve’s other wrist. He brings them in close and rubs his thumbs over the pulse points underneath his skin. “If you keep answering like this I’ll be turning nineteen before you get it all out.”

Steve rolls his eyes and shoves at him a little, but it’s halfhearted. “Nothing, man, don’t worry-- I was just being stupid. You know how I get.”

Blue eyes watch him for a moment and then Billy nods, “I do know how you get.” Steve frowns, feels a lump in his throat, and thinks this is when Billy’s going to tell him how insecure and annoying he’s being. Instead he goes, “Like how I get when you’re around Wheeler.”

Steve blinks, “Mike?” He barks out a laugh, “No. Nancy, you fuckin’ idiot. The way you look at her sometimes, or smile at her.” Billy licks his lips, glances away, then back. “Makes me wanna barf half the time and crawl in a hole the other half.”

Oh, Steve thinks. He’d never even considered the notion, even when they hung out with Nancy and Billy had a sour attitude after. He always figured it was because Billy didn’t like Nancy, not because--

“Oh my god,” he looks at the other boy then goes, “Wait, please don’t tell me that’s why you hate Nancy--” 

Billy shoots him a glare, “No, asshole. I don’t like her because she’s a snobby little princess who broke your heart. The fact that she’s also your ex is just an evil little bonus.” He’s jealous too. Of Nancy. It was laughable really. Since the first moment Steve ever got close to Billy, Nancy had been a far away memory. His relationship with her was only ever connected to his insecurities now, nothing else. He loved her, but not in the way he once had. She’d always be important to him, but he didn’t love her. Not like he loved Billy. Not even close. 

“She doesn’t even compare to you,” he says, a little too awestruck at the idea that Billy was jealous of Nancy to consider how disgustingly romantic the words are. Billy does, though, and his eyes widen a fraction before the tips of his ears get pink like they do when Steve gets sweet and soft and all the things Billy isn’t used to. 

“Yeah,” he finally lands on and leans in until their foreheads are touching. Until they’re sharing breath. “And Daniel ain’t even comparable.” God, Steve really loves him. 

“Outside--”

It’s vague, and Billy reads him like they’ve been together for years anyway. “You wanna’ know what we did outside? We smoked and I apologized about my dad almost killing him since I never got the chance to before. Then he asked me when you and me started dating, ‘cuz apparently that shit was obvious from the get-go. Somethin’ ‘bout the way I look at you.”

The way Billy looks at him? He’s never noticed--

“So I was tellin’ him the whole story.” Oh god, Steve thinks. The whole story is embarrassing and not really romantic at all, just super duper awkward. “‘Cuz Daniel’s a sap for that shit. Then know what else I told him?” Steve shakes his head, “I told him that I love you,” Oh. Oh oh oh. “You big, jealous, idiot.” Thing is, there isn’t anger in Billy’s voice, or judgment. He sounds exasperated, maybe, and amused. But he also sounds understanding; like this doesn’t lessen his opinion of Steve. Like this doesn’t change the way he sees him.

“I... love you too,” because, honestly? What else do you say to that? “And I’m an idiot,” Steve agrees,”I’m sorry, I was being so stupid--”

“Ain’t a thing, pretty boy.” Billy interrupts, “If you’re stupid ‘bout this, so am I.” And then he leans in and kisses him soundly, fingers slipping into Steve’s hair as Billy first slots their lips together then claims his mouth, teasing him open so he can taste him.  When they pull back, Billy takes a deep breath and takes Steve’s injured hand, grabbing some paper towels to wrap around it. “Let’s go. They probably think you fell in.” And tugs Steve out of the bathroom.

They get back to the table-- which someone was kind enough to clean up for him--  and sit across from each other. Everyone’s quiet for a moment, and then Dustin says something dumb and Max throws a french fry and him and Jane laughs and everything goes back to normal. 

Except that, sometime during all that, Steve realizes Billy’s staring at him, meets his gaze, smiles, and then stares in sudden surprise as the blonde leans over and kisses him. Kisses him. Like in public. Like where people can see. It’s short, nothing big, but everyone at the table notices it. The diner is mostly empty, filled with half-passed out drunks trying to get sober off coffee, and Keith went to the back, so-- it’s just the table.

It’s not the first time the kids caught them kissing, and after a beat, Mike screws up his nose and goes, “Ugh, guys, can you not--” and Camilla hits Ant on the bicep a little hard and says, “Hah, told you! You owe me fifteen bucks, fucker!” 

Billy and Steve are still staring at each other as Billy goes, “Did you two bet on my love life?” His voices sounds exasperated and vaguely annoyed, but his gaze never wavers.

“Hey, I voted for it. Ant’s the one that didn’t agree with me.”

“Only ‘cause he seems too good for you,” the big guy answers and offers a shit eating grin that almost rivals Billy’s. The blonde looks away long enough to land a solid punch in Ant’s arm that barely seems to affect him. Everyone who’s listening laughs, Billy included.

Then he meets Steve’s gaze again, and Steve wonders if these are the looks Daniel meant because Billy’s kind of looking at him like a wolf stares at the moon. It makes Steve’s insides feel warmth in too many different ways, and Billy goes, “You ain’t wrong though,” before tossing Steve a wink and slumping down in his seat, slotting their legs together under the table.

Steve smiles, knocks his heel against Billy’s and goes, “Shut up, stupid,” in the kind of way that sounds like I love you.

Billy grins wide and a little feral, licks his lips, and replies, “Make me,” in the kind of way that sounds like I love you, too. 

[alabasterswriting]

Can you write about Karen’s opinions on her kids’ adventures? And her finding out about all the drama? 💗💗

Karen Wheeler liked to bake.

It was a coping mechanism brought about by too many PTA meetings. Rarely, she found, did people bother you when you were baking. Make the excuse of sticky hands or a request for dish duty, and people were generally quick to vacate the area. It allowed her a small spot in her life to think; to really take in the general calm and quiet she found scarce in a house full of three children.

So Karen Wheeler liked to bake.

She enjoyed the scent of melted butter, the sound of crackling spices, and the overall warmth that always emitted from her oven. It was comforting. The pie, she would think, was for Nancy’s debate team, the cookies for Mike’s latest D&D campaign, and the cake for Ted’s boss so he might finally get that promotion. She could think and bake and everything was normal. Perfectly, enjoyably normal. Karen Wheeler had never looked much for excitement.

But then Will Byers went missing. He went missing biking home from her house and, suddenly, Nancy was having sex, Mike was skipping school, and Joyce was kicking her out of her house.

Okay, so, Joyce was going through a lot. Karen understood that she wasn’t in the best frame of mind and needed her space.

And Nancy, well, Nancy was a teenager. Quite honestly, Karen was just relieved her daughter had waited until high school to finally pop the proverbial cherry. She remembered quite a few of her own former classmates who, in the dull heat of small-town Hawkins, had saddled up much too young behind the middle school bleachers. At the very least, Nancy had waited until she felt ready with a guy she clearly liked and an age that wasn’t entirely horrible. Karen couldn’t say she approved, but she wasn’t about to get angry about it.

She just thought Nancy would have known that.

But it was okay. Sex was a difficult topic for anyone to discuss, let alone a teenager with their parents. Karen understood. Her daughter was always so straight-laced, she had to be getting some sort of high out finally pulling something so “rebellious.”

Karen snorted as she plated a pie. Yeah, rebellious, right. Oh, the stories she could tell.

But that was neither here nor there. The sex wasn’t the issue. Hiding the fact that she’d been having sex while her best friend went missing was a slightly more important nugget of information. No matter that the cops seemed convinced Barbara had run away, Karen trusted Nancy. If her daughter said that wasn’t what happened, then she was inclined to believe her.

The problem was that Nancy wouldn’t talk to her!

What had she done that her children felt they couldn’t talk to her anymore?

She understood they were grieving. God above, even she was wallowing in some sort of third-degree heartbreak over Will’s death. The poor child had always been so kind - the only one of her son’s friends that ever offered to help with the dishes - and part of her couldn’t imagine the hole his absence would leave in her house. So, she understood the grief, but where Nancy was somewhere within the range of what she expected, Mike was just acting weird. 

Her Michael. Her sweet son who was always a quick jump and away from inviting at least one of his friends over, was being sneaky. Skipping school, not eating, spending far too much time in the basement? All of those she could maybe explain away, but laughing at his best friend’s funeral? Not going to Will’s school assembly?

That was not her Michael.

Her Michael was the boy who’d broken down into tears in her arms. Her Michael threw tantrums at the dinner table when he was told he couldn’t look for his friend. Her Michael did not hide things.

Only he was. He was hiding things. He wasn’t talking to her. What had she done wrong? Did her children think she wouldn’t care? Did they think she wouldn’t understand?

She would! Or, if she didn’t, she would certainly try.

But they wouldn’t even give her the chance.

And Karen Wheeler felt like she was standing at the very edge of a story she had only one foot in. A story, she would later learn, that involved her son suddenly caught up in a government conspiracy about Russians and a little girl she’d unknowingly harbored in her basement for a week.

To think, her son had hidden another person in her house for a whole week and she hadn’t even known. Part of her found that terrifying. The part of her that had been taught how to pick locks was inordinately pleased. She got the impression that these government folks were not the friendliest of people and if Mike found it necessary to hide the little girl (because honestly, whatever the government needed with one of those couldn’t be good) then she trusted it was for the best.

She trusted her son. Even if he didn’t trust her back. 

But then she got a call, and her world shifted.

“She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone,” were the only words Karen could make out amidst her son’s sobbing. He was wrapped up in a blanket, surrounded by flashing lights and blaring sirens. There were bodies being carted out his school and his friends were a mess and all her son could say was, “she’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone.”

She hugged him close. Rocking him in her arms as if he were a baby. She marveled at how warm he was, how alive, and how she never wanted to let him out of her sight ever again. He would not, she swore, end up like poor Will Byers.

Only poor Will Byers was alive. 

He was alive when they’d had a funeral for him and there was a body that had been found and Karen no longer knew what to think. The world didn’t make sense. Her daughter needed stitches from a cut in her hand (one frighteningly similar to the one on Jonathan Byers’, and when had Nancy started hanging with him?), and her boyfriend’s face looked like someone had taken a battering ram to it without so much as a warning.

What, she found herself thinking, was going on in this soap opera she had apparently lost the script to?

Sex, blood, child abduction and fake death. This wasn’t real life. This didn’t happen to normal, everyday people like Karen Wheeler. At least, she could reassure herself, it was over. Things would finally settle down.

Nope.

The girl - Eleven was her name (and wasn’t that a horribly inappropriate moniker for a child, no matter how much her son’s nickname fit) - was a tiny mop of a thing whose only real joy seemed to come from being as close to Mike as physically possible, and eating her body weight in Eggos on a daily basis. She just appeared out of the blue one day after Halloween, tailing after Mike as if she were born to do it, and by that point, Karen almost wasn’t surprised to learn she was the same girl that had hidden out in her basement last year. But even though the information threw her, Karen found she liked Eleven. She was quiet, but nice, and had such a zest for life that Karen sometimes caught herself smiling just at the thought.

Oh, and she was a telekinetic lab rat stolen from birth by the government as part of some sort of conspiracy involving illegal human experimentation and Russians.

Honestly, it was always about the Russians with those people.

So, a telekinetic girl. And Will Byers had been abducted by some sort of interdimensional monster straight out of a B-rank horror film and was now being haunted by its Lovecraftian overlord.

Karen stared. She stared long and hard at the assembly of people sitting in her living room, took in their expressions of “yes, this really is the truth and no we’re not crazy,” and made a decision.

Cookies. Yes, she was going to bake some cookies. Everything was better over cookies. Maybe, if the world was kind, she’d be able to make some sense of this in her kitchen.

Then again, as she’d just realized, the world was rarely so nice.  

[betsybugaboo]

I’m bored, so here’s the names of my cats in Neko Atsume. I have my explanations below the cut if you want.

Jonathan: His little profile picture is of him with the Plastic Bag on his head, because Dio cut off his head. Also, you’ll notice that he and Johnny-cat are palette swaps.

Joseph: He looks a lot like Jonathan-cat, and he love playing with the Ball of Yarn. His little memento also looks like a scarf!! 

Jotaro: His palette and coloring is sort of a darker version of Joseph-cat and Jonathan-cat’s stripes, which fits his 2 edgy 4 you attitude. The pic is of him looking in a fish bowl because he’s a marine biologist. His personality is also spot on.

Josuke: His coloring sort of looks like a pompadour hanging over his face and his tail has the same striping pattern as Joseph. He’s sitting on the Marble Pad because it’s green, which reminds me of money.

Giorno: He’s ‘blond’, with the same stripes as Jonathan. The stripes on his head also sort of look like his buns. His profile pic is him sitting on the Royal Bed because of the ending of Vento Aureo where all the capos are kissing his hand.

Jolyne: Only her ears (and the tip of her tail) have colors, which sort of looks like her buns. The ball she is playing with is the Temari Ball, a traditional Japanese toy that’s made by wrapping cloth into a ball which also looks like string, too. (She also likes the shell tunnels and the Stump House, which make it look like she’s turning into a snail or a tree).

Johnny: His personality is definitely on point. He’s taking a nap under the Wild-Thing Teaser in his profile picture because it looks like a rose and there’s this interesting rose motif in the chapter covers during the Civil War arc. (He also likes the Cowboy Hat, but I can’t get pictures of him wearing it).

Jo2uke: He has different colored eyes, which fits with his being a fusion. He’s looking at the fish bowl because it’s like the ocean. His memento is a little mirror, which fits with him trying to find out who he is.

Tuxedo Mask: His cat pattern is named Tuxedo, what more can I say? Also, his profile pic is him standing on the Cat Metropolis, like he’s going to give a melodramatic speech.

Sailor Moon: Naturally, there has to be a Sailor Moon if there’s a Tuxedo Mask. Her name was originally Princess, and her personality fits. She’s sitting in the pink bucket in the little picture on her profile because she has pink as one of her color motifs.

Steven Universe: His color pattern looks sort of pinkish, and his personality fits, too. He’s also in a pink bucket because of his color motif.

K-2SO: He looks like he’s at least a little asshole-ish.

Bar of Soap: I don’t know, the coloring and palette made me think of soap. They also have the Tiny Toothbrush as their memento.

Monkey D. Luffy: His personality is Reckless and he’s a pirate-type cat. His memento is definitely Nami’s map of the world.

Cow: Their pattern and coloring made me think of cows and they really love the Cow Tunnel (and the Cowboy Hat). 

(The rest of the cats have their normal default names)

[its-glum-and-dumb]

Screw it I’m doing them all

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I don’t know. I’m not exactly the touchy person. It was probably my friend.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Shy. Definitely shy. I mean, there’s certain people I’m outgoing around but I’m mostly shy.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My friend Jonathan when I’m home for Thanksgiving :D

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I like to think I am.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Considering I don’t like anyone, I’m gonna say no 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People that make me happy. If they can make me smile, laugh, or I just really like talking or being around them, that usually makes me develop feelings for them.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not. I don’t do relationships haha 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My friend Jon because he was just in an answer haha 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not usually. But my friend and I roleplay and I’m only just starting to not skip over the sex stuff 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My friend Sheri 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Call me when you get a chance. I have a couple questions about your tv” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now –Glee Version (I’m in love with Lea Michele’s voice)

Shiksa Goddess –The Last Five Years

King of New York –Newsies

Don’t Rain On My Parade –Glee (Again- Lea Michele’s voice is magic-)

I Won’t Say I’m In Love –Susan Egan 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Not really no 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

nope 15. What good thing happened this summer?

I got back in contact with an old friend and I started a job I actually liked 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Never kissed anyone so I’m gonna say no 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I mean, there’s always that chance 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nope! Couldn’t even tell you who it was but I don’t talk to anyone from that time. 19. Do you like bubble baths?

I guess? 20. Do you like your neighbors?

I mean, they’re okay. We don’t really talk anymore 21. What are you bad habits?

Nail biting, apologizing too much, complaining 22. Where would you like to travel?

Pretty much all over Europe, starting with Paris 23. Do you have trust issues?

You bet. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Sleeping counts right? 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I have to pick one part? 26. What do you do when you wake up?

Grab my phone lol 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

DARKER. I’M A FREAKING GHOST 28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Definitely my friend Jon 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I don’t really talk to any of them anymore but a small part of me regrets breaking up with my ex girlfriend because I really did care about her 30. Do you ever want to get married?

Maybe if I meet the right person but I don’t see that happening like ever 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

It was, but since I chopped it off, nope. 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Ben Cook for sure and uhhhh. Dove Cameron. :D 33. Spell your name with your chin.

Czgndefined. Dear god. That was an epic fail. It’s Catherine guys 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

HA. HA HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. Definitely TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

All the time 37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing. I just rock back and forth on my heels haha 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Funny, goofy but knows when to be serious, genuinely cares about me and makes sure I know it, good sense of humor, understands my sense of humor, is able to calm  me down when I get panicky, and yeah. Just stuff like that 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Hot Topic, Claire’s (for the paris stuff), Box Lunch, and Walmart lol 40. What do you want to do after high school?

Um, I’ve already graduated so I guess just continue in college? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I think everyone deserves a second chance but after that, if they make the same mistake, they’re done 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m usually overthinking something or just really sad 43. Do you smile at strangers?

I try to smile at people and compliment at least one person every day bc you never know what people are going through 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space. Most fish freak me out. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

The fact that I’m paying hundreds of dollars for the classes and literally can’t afford to miss them? 46. What are you paranoid about?

Where to begin? 47. Have you ever been high?

nope 48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Not that I can think of off the top of my head? 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black? 51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Every day. That’s why I put my name as Catherine 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Does everything count? No? Um. Probably my brain. 53. Favourite makeup brand?

Depends. For lipstick I like Loreal and Revlon and for everything else, I like Maybelline 54. Favourite store?

Probably Hot Topic 55. Favourite blog?

@almostoyster 56. Favourite colour?

Blue or red 57. Favourite food? 

Pasta <3 58. Last thing you ate?

A cupcake 59. First thing you ate this morning?

Chimichangas at noon haha 60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Nope! 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope! 62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope! 63. Ever been in love? 

Once. Never again 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Can’t do that 65. Are you hungry right now?

I’m always hungry 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I consider my tumblr friends to be my real friends, thank you very much 67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook, but then again, I don’t have Ben Cook or AKB on facebook so… 68. Twitter or Tumblr?

TUMBLR 69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Sheri, Ali, Jon, Hannah, Alyssa, and Marissa 71. Craving something? What?

candy 72. What colour are your towels?

Yellow and gray 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 as pillows and 1 as a cuddle buddy 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

I have so many (koala, dog, eeyore, toothless, 2 pillow pets, and several bears) but I don’t actually sleep with them 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

See the previous answer 75. Favourite animal?

Kitties :D 76. What colour is your underwear?

purple 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Depends on what I’m eating 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

COOKIE DOUGH 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

gray 80. What colour pants?

Blue 81. Favourite tv show?

Can’t pick, I have too many 82. Favourite movie?

Probably Newsies at the moment 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls. It’s a classic! 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls, hands down. 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janis 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

The one that’s obsessed with bubbles 87. First person you talked to today?

Hannah <3 88. Last person you talked to today?

Hannah lol 89. Name a person you hate?

homophobes 90. Name a person you love?

My friends 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

probably 92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I can think of 93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Four? 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

seven 95. Last movie you watched?

The Last Five Years 96. Favourite actress?

Dove Cameron 97. Favourite actor?

Jeremy Jordan 98. Do you tan a lot?

Nope. Whenever I try, I burn 99. Have any pets?

nope 100. How are you feeling?

Okay I guess 101. Do you type fast?

yep 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Quite a lot actually 103. Can you spell well?

I got third place in a spelling bee. You tell me. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

definitely 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep! 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

I hate thinking of this but probably 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I love horseback riding 108. What should you be doing?

A powerpoint for class 109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I can’t get myself motivated 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

definitely 111. Do you have trust issues?

absolutely 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t remember because I try to not do it 113. What was your childhood nickname?

AlyCat 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

On vacation, yeah 115. Do you play the Wii?

Yep! We had to throw it away because it stopped working but we might get a new one 116. Are you listening to music right now?

Of course! 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yep! I usually only eat it when I’m sick though 118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yep! 119. Favourite book?

Hm. Either Beyond the Garden Arbor by Cynthia Jean Mueller, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, The Breakable Vow by Kathryn Anne Clarke, or Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

sometimes 121. Are you mean?

I try not to be 122. Is cheating ever okay?

no 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

I’ve honestly stopped trying 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope 125. Do you believe in true love?

I believe that some people happen to find it, but I don’t believe that I will 126. Are you currently bored?

always 127. What makes you happy?

Newsies, my friends, music, and reading 128. Would you change your name?

I’m actually thinking about legally changing it, yeah 129. What your zodiac sign?

Scorpio 130. Do you like subway?

Yep but Jersey Mike’s is the best sub place 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Panic and probably push myself away from him. I’m not going down that road again 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My sister 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

Probably but who’s got that kinda time? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Man, I don’t know 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed bc they close automatically. They’re heavy doors so they don’t stay open unless you use a doorstopper 137. How tall are you?

5’0. I’m a shorty 138. Curly or Straight hair?

Um. Pixie cut? But it’s naturally straight 139. Brunette or Blonde?

blonde 140. Summer or Winter?

Summer. I hate the cold 141. Night or Day?

day 142. Favourite month?

I don’t know man 143. Are you a vegetarian?

HA. HAHA. As if. 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk 145. Tea or Coffee?

Pop 146. Was today a good day?

So far, I guess 147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Fake friends are no different than shadows. They stick around during your brightest moments, but disappear during your darkest hours.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

nope 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

Flexibility refers to the achievable range of motion at a joint or group of joints without causing injury.

[zoocross0vers]

Raspberries Challenge #4: Bambi

Just apologizing in advance, this one’s actually pretty long. Guess I got too excited with this one, hehe ^^”

Oh yeah, there’s a cameo in this one too from too previously seen Disney characters! Yay! xD

Enjoy! :D

@wildehopps-rasps

...

Raspberries Challenge #4: Bambi

                                             Twitterpated

Spring was always such a lovely time in Zootopia. The sun was shining bright with life, the flowers were blooming, and everywhere throughout the city young couples were singing a chippery little spring song!

Let’s sing a gay little spring song,

This is the season to sing

So I’d like to suggest

That we all do our best

And warble a song about spring,

Spring, spring, spring

Let’s get together and sing,

Yes, all over Zootopia couples of all shapes and sizes were getting into the spring spirit. Young couples to be exact -- whether they be of the same gender, same species or mixed species, everyone was showing love toward their significant other in one way or another.

Let’s sing a gay little spring song

Just like the bird on the wing

Things always seem right

When you’re chipper and bright

So let’s get together and sing

Sing, sing, sing

Let’s sing a song about spring,

Spring’s influence resonated everywhere throughout the city, but most evidently at the park. Couples at the park were expressing their love for each other in their own unique ways.

There were two pigs snuggling snouts. A couple of elephants walked along the concrete path, holding trunks. And a teenage racoon gave a teenage vixen a flower. She gave him a peck on the cheek and the young raccoon sighed.

Let’s twitter and tweet,

A young male wildebeest literally tweeted his girlfriend a kissy face emoji with a heart. His girlfriend, who sat on the opposite side of the bench received his tweet and sent him a kissy face emoji as well. They looked back over to one another with a loving gaze.

Practically everyone was falling victim to spring’s influence...

Like the birdies in May

Get into the mood

And be merry today

Forget all your troubles and warble away,

That is...everyone except Bogo, the middle aged water buffalo that served as the Chief of Police in the city’s Precinct 1. It was his day off and the tired old water buffalo napped at one of the park benches. He thought to get away from all the lovey dovey attitudes going on around his neighborhood and assumed the park would be the perfect quiet place to get away from it all -- boy was he wrong.

He took one last snore before sputtering awake. “Wha--? Who-Who's ther--” Bogo looked around to realize that spring truly was everywhere! Nowhere was safe, not even his usual quiet spot in the park. “Oh what now?” he groaned, annoyed with it all.

Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do

Oh!

Let’s sing a gay little spring song

Music’s a wonderful thing

He looked around. There were chippery and merry young couples all around him. It was like a plague! “Hey! Hey!” yelled the grumpy water buffalo, “Stop that racket! Scat! Shoo! Shoo!” His angry shouts fell on deaf ears as everyone continued to sing and act lovey dovey toward one another.

Come on and rejoice,

At the top of your voice

Oh, let’s sing a song about spring

Spring, Spring, spring

“I’ll show them.” He cleared his throat with a very polite, “Ahem,” spoke as gently as he could, “Excuse me, but could you all just please be a little more...QUIET!!!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. That finally got a reaction as all the young couples at the park immediately flinched and grew quiet, greatly intimidated by the buffalo.

“There,” he huffed triumphantly, “That's more like it.” He resumed his nap. Only to be awakened from it two seconds later when everyone resumed their singing again.

Let’s get together and sing

Let’s sing a gay little spring song

This is the season to sing,

Ah, ah, ah

Bogo sputtered awake again. He covered his ears, while simultaneously gripping his head in frustration, “Oh, what's the use?” He got up and left. Opting to seek out a quieter section of the park to continue his nap.

He moved to a quieter, less occupied area and found a lone bench. The grumpy buffalo plopped himself down, “Same thing every spring,” he grumbled annoyedly. “Let's sing a little song about spring,” he mocked, “ Love’s sweet song,” he cupped his hooves and batted his eyes. “Bleh! Pain in the tail is what it is.” Bogo crossed his arms in a huff and yawned. With his eyes growing heavy, he resumed his nap and snored for about five seconds when--

“Flowers sir?”

“Aah! Wha--?!” Bogo awoke in a shock, waking up to the sight of flowers pressed against his face. He looked down to the mammal holding the bouquet of flowers -- it was a somewhat familiar looking red fox with emerald eyes dressed in a green Pawaiian shirt, brown khakis, and a red and blue tie. “What is this?”

“Flowers! It is spring! Care to buy some for your sweetheart? This pretty little number right here is going at half the price you’d pay for it at the store.”

“Swee--? Look fox, I’m not interested in buying flowers!” Bogo shoved the flowers away from his face.

The red fox held on tightly to his flowers, ensuring that they didn't fall from his grasp. “Boy, I’ll bet the ladies just go crazy for you with that irresistible charm--” The fox said, before taking a good look at the buffalo. “Bogo?”

The grumpy buffalo’s eyes widened. “How do you know my name?”

“You really don't recognize me?” the fox scoffed casually, “And here I thought I made more of an impact given how angry you used to get whenever I played in your yard.”

Bogo’s jaw dropped, “Wilde? Nick Wilde?!” the buffalo exclaimed in surprise.

“The one and only!” Nick stated casually.

“My, my you haven't changed a bit! ...What a shame,” he muttered at the end.

“Ha! Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor there Buffalo Butt.”

“Shut your mouth Wilde!” Bogo rebuked in a huff.

Nick gave him a cocky smile, missing this type of banter from his old next door neighbor.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Bogo inquired curiously, “I thought you moved away ever since your mother…”

Nick's ears fell back in sadness. Bogo’s words reminding him of the day he lost his mother years ago when he was a nine year old kit. She had been taken from him when a vengeful criminal stalked and followed them on their way home from school. He could still remember the terror in his mother’s eyes when they reached a fenced alleyway. She had managed to create a hole for him to crawl through and once she was sure he was on the other side, she had told him to run to the neighbor’s home and call his father. Nick initially refused until his mother promised him that she would meet him there. Nick trusted her and fled. The last thing he remembered was seeing her running back out the opposite end of the alleyway, luring their stalker away from him -- and desperately shouting to him to run and not look back.

After that, he could only very vaguely recall hearing a single loud piercing sound...then silence…

His mother never arrived to Bogo’s home as she promised she would.

Bogo called Nick’s father, Jonathan Wilde, who was the highly respected Chief of Police of Zootopia’s precinct one at the time. His father arrived some hours later to pick the boy up from Bogo’s home and told Nick the sad, terrible news that his mother couldn’t be with him anymore.

Given his father’s position, Nick hardly ever saw him during his first few years of life as he was always busy ‘protecting the city from bad mammals’ -- as his mother would put it. Heavy responsibility was hardly the only thing his father had to worry about however, as his position also brought forth many risks -- particularly the risk of crime lords and other criminals vowing revenge on the chief reynard for putting them away behind bars.

After his mother was killed, Chief Wilde had spend countless hours, days, weeks, and months to capture his wife’s murderer, but he was ultimately unsuccessful. Though he never openly expressed his grief, Nick could still see the hurt in his father’s eyes whenever he would ask him about his mother’s killer. The last time he had asked, Nick was ten years old and the only answer his father had given him was that he had asked for a transfer to a different precinct in another district.

Nearly twenty years had passed since then and Nick decided to finally come back to Zootopia. For what purpose he had no idea, he simply felt the need to come back to his old childhood home.

Bogo noticed the fox’s sudden silence and felt a wave of guilt for having reminded him of such a tragic memory. “I-I’m sorry,” Bogo said apologetically, “I probably shouldn't have said anything.”

“No, it's alright.” Nick replied, forcing a sympathetic smile as silence fell on them both.

Bogo cleared his throat, hoping to clear the depressing awkwardness in the air. “Well, in any case... it's good to see you again.” Bogo smiled sincerely.

Nick returned an appreciative smile, then returned to his usual cocky bravado. “Come on, don’t go getting soft on me buffalo butt. Being friendly doesn’t suit you.”

“And there he is again,” Bogo said annoyed.

Nick chuckled, “It’s good to see you too my literal old friend.”

Bogo huffed, once again annoyed.

“Hello there Nick!” a striped gray hare called out from behind the two. He wore a black suit and tie. Very formal looking and had piercing icy blue eyes. “Remember me?” he asked with a large welcoming smile.

“Stripes!” Nick called out happily, immediately recognizing his old childhood friend.

“Right-O!” the hare replied with a chuckle.

Bogo peeked behind Nick, also recognizing the striped hare. “Young Jack Savage, is that really you?”

“Ah, I see you’re here as well Commissioner Bogo. It’s an honor to see you once again sir,” replied the hare politely.

“Nice to see you too Savage. At least it’s nice to know you grew up to be polite, unlike some mammals,” Bogo huffed, glaring at Nick, who simply shrugged nonchalantly.

“Well I suppose I owe that to my mother. She was always quick to remind me of my father’s teachings,” Jack turned to Nick, “How have you been Nick? I haven’t seen you since we were children.”

“Eh, I just moved to a different city with my dad, got bored of it so I decided to come back. Start my own life back home,” Nick replied casually.

“And how goes it?” Jack inquired curiously.

“Well, I just got back yesterday, but I recently got in touch with Finnick and we’re going into business together.”

“Business?” Bogo echoed surprised, “You mean you’re not going into police work like your father?”

“Nah,” Nick brushed off the suggestion with a wave of his paw, “I’m not really cut out for the cop life like him. Not with all the trouble it brought him.”

“I’m surprised as well,” added Jack, “You always seemed so adamant about growing up to be just like him when we were children. To be a ‘Great Chief of Police’ as you would put it.”

“Yeah, well...things change.” Nick brushed it off, attempting to hide the fact that his reluctance stemmed from his mother’s incident. “ Besides,” he grinned coolly, “With my smooth talking skills, I think my skills are best put into business.”

Jack noticed the flowers in his paw, “Are you planning to become a florist?”

“Until Spring ends, you betcha!”

Bogo raised a curious brow, “Why only until Spring?”

“Because,” Nick replied confidently, “Finnick tells me flower sales tend to go up during this time of year here in Zootopia. So we’re gonna strike while the iron is hot.”

Jack scratched his chin pensively, “Yes, I see. That’s actually rather smart. Do you think I can enter into this business venture with you? Father actually wanted me to take over his farming industry, but I told him I wanted to venture out into the city to try my luck with my own business and this sounds like an excellent starting point.”

“Sure,” Nick agreed, “We could use someone with some math and flower skills. Although just so you know, we plan on shifting to selling pawpsicles once summer rolls by.”

“That’s fine. The more experiences the better. Though I must ask who is your supplier for the flowers? Must we look into forming a connection with botanists or farms?”

“No need,” Nick answered without a care in the world, “Our supplier is right over there.” Nick pointed to a flower patch on the park’s grass.

Jack looked on at the patch, confused, “But that’s just a barren patch?”

“Exactly!” Nick replied.

“Wilde, for your mother and father’s sake, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you just confess to stealing those flowers straight from the park’s flower patches,” Bogo stated with his usual gruffness.

“Well if you know a better place to pick wildflowers then by all means let me know,” Nick replied with a cheeky grin.

Bogo face-palmed a hoof on his face, “How are you your father’s son, I’ll never know.”

“Hey fellas!” called a gruff, heavy voice from behind them. It was a small fennec fox with a black and red bowler shirt and black shorts. He pulled a red wagon full of flower bouquets.

“Finnick!” Nick called out happily to him, excited to see his best friend after so many years. “You…” Nick paused, taking a good look at him. He snickered lightly, holding back his desire to laugh, “Looks like you haven’t changed a bit there buddy!”

“I’ll say,” Bogo said equally shocked at his short height.

“Ha,ha. Funny. Like I don’t know you’re talkin’ about my height.” Finnick gruffed annoyedly.

“Sorry about that buddy,” Nick offered him a friendly paw, “Good to see you again old pal.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finnick shook his paw. “So we ready to do this Nick? We’re burnin’ daylight .”

“Sure. By the way, Jack here says he wants to join us.”

“You?” Finnick scoffed, “I thought your dad had a business plan for you?”

“He did, but I don’t want any part of it,” answered the hare, “I’d rather venture into business with you two.”

“Alright then,” Finnick gave in, “You deal with the money, Nick and me ‘ill work the crowd.” He handed Jack the black cash box.

“You boys never change,” Bogo muttered. The three younger mammals turned to face him, “You’ve been doing this since you were kits. Don’t any of you remember? Nick and Finnick here would come up with troublesome schemes...normally involving my lawn in some way...and then poor Jack would somehow end up getting dragged into them.”

“Hey it’s not our fault Jack is a literal dumb bunny,” Nick said casually.

“True, it’s not my fault I’m a--hey!” Jack frowned while Nick simply gave him a cheeky grin.

Out of nowhere, a young interspecies couple consisting of a tigress and a panda sauntered in front of the four mammals -- waltzing with a weightless grace.

The four stared at them dumbfoundedly, but more so the three younger mammals. “Huh, what’s up with them?” Finnick asked confused once the couple passed them by.

“Why are they behaving that way?” Jack added, just as equally confused.

Bogo chuckled, “Don’t you know?” Bogo leaned closer, as if to whisper to them, “They’re twitterpated.”  

“Twtitterpated?” the three young mammals echoed.

“Yes, nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the Springtime,” Bogo continued, shifting his gaze left and right as if fearful of others listening in to their conversation. “For example,” Bogo stood, walking in place. “You’re walking along, minding your own business. You look neither to the left, nor to the right. Then all of a sudden...you run smack into a pretty face.” Bogo jumped, letting out a scream to scare the three.

Jack jumped into Finnick’s arms, scared by the buffalo’s sudden scream and terrifying tale. “Get off” growled Finnick, dropping Jack on his tail.

Bogo jittered his knees, continuing with his terrifying description of love, “You begin to get weak in the knees. Your heads in a whirl! And then you feel light as a feather,”  Bogo cups his hoofs and bats his eyes, leaping ever so weightlessly into the air, “And before you know it, you’re walking on air. And then you know what? You’re knocked for a loop!” Bogo punched himself on the cheek, spinning in place. “And you completely lose your head!”

“Gosh! That’s awful!” Jack gasped fearfully.

“Dang,” added Finnick.

“Terrible,” Nick said.

“And that’s not all,” Bogo said, stalking slowly towards them, hiding his face behind his hooves, “It can happen to anybody. So you better be careful. It could happen to you!” He pointed at Nick, “And you!” He pointed at Jack, “And…” Bogo stopped, hesitating with Finnick. Would any girl really be interested in a small, child-looking fox like him? Well, he is an adult regardless of his size and face...Bogo reasoned.

“Yes, it could even happen to you!” Bogo said, pointing at Finnick. Finnick merely frowned in annoyance, knowing why Bogo would doubt any female could ever fall in love with him.

“Well, it’s not going to happen to me,” Jack stated after growing terrified of how enslaving love sounds.

“Me neither,” Nick stated as well, equally terrified of love’s hold.

“Me neither. There’s no way I’m lettin’ some filly control my life,” Finnick stated in agreement.

“There you have it,” Nick replied with his cool, confident bravado, “So if you don’t mind, we have a business to run.” Nick gave a confident wink and a two finger salute to the buffalo, leading his two friends with his head held high. His two business associates followed suit, walking away with their backs straight and chins up.

The three poised mammals walked through the park, keeping their prideful strides in tact and pulling their wagon of bouquets.  

 Not too far ahead of them, a beautiful Gazelle sat beside a flower bush covered with white flowers. With a flower in her hooves, she picked at the petals in a “he loves me, he loves me not” manner, until she was left with only one petal, causing her to sigh with a smile -- surely ending at “he loves me”.

The gazelle’s ear flickered, hearing the footsteps of approaching mammals. She glanced back to catch sight of Nick, Jack, and Finnick approaching in her direction. The gazelle smiled wide when she saw the three young males, but more so when her eyes landed on Finnick.

She blushed at the sight of him, for as tall as she was, there was always something about short males that immediately called to her. Perhaps it was because they tended to have this weird combination of handsome, yet a plushie adorableness to them -- and the fennec in her sights, certainly had both those qualities -- along with an air of confidence to him.

Eager to meet him, the gazelle plucked another flower from the flower bush and placed it in her tuft of blonde hair and then hid behind one of the taller flower bushes.

The three males rolled by. First Nick, then Jack, and last but not least Finnick who immediately stopped in his tracks the second his large ears heard a flirtatious giggle emanate from the bush. He turned to face it and spotted what looked like feminine light brown colored eyes peeking at him from between the flowers. Finnick’s own light brown eyes widened. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Was he seeing things? Or did this flower bush have eyes?!

Finnick looked back at the flowers only to spot the source of the eyes peeking her head out from the flowers. He took a few steps back when he came face to face with the mystery gazelle’s pretty face. “U-Uh...hey,” he stuttered nervously with a brief smile and looked back at his friends who were still marching, unaware that he had broken off from their group. Finnick tried to walk away and regroup back with the guys when the gazelle giggled again.

Her giggle, it was like a pan flute to mice to him. He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her again. Only now she had finally stepped out from behind the flowers and he managed a full view of her. She was tall, much taller than him and she had a very curvy physique. Finnick’s jaw dropped at the sight of her and his mouth felt fry. She wore tight blue jeans and a white t-shirt that accentuated her lovely figure.

The gazelle sauntered over to him, moving her hips side to side. “Hi I’m Gazelle. What’s your name cutie?”

“Fu-Fennec…”

Gazelle giggled, noticing the tiny fox’s nervousness. “That’s a strange name.”

“I mean, I’m a fennec fox!” Finnick immediately shook his head, only now noticing that he messed up on his own name. “Sorry, let me start over,” He took a breath, realizing he’s been acting like a moron. Seriously what’s wrong with him?! A girl is flirting with him! He’s gotta put those smooth moves to work! He stuffed his paws into his pockets and cleared his throat to start over, “Hey, how ya doin’ girl? The name’s Finnick.”

“Charmed to meet you Finnick,” Gazelle extended her hoof down to him. The flower perched in her hair falling to the ground as she crouched down, “Oops!”

“Don’t worry I got it,” Finnick immediately ducked down to grab the flower like a gentlemammal, “There ya g--” The second he lifted his head up to offer the flower back to her, she also happened to look up to him, causing both their lips to meet in a kiss.

The second he felt Gazelle’s lips on his mouth, Finnick’s golden fur immediately grew redder than a red fox’s and his body stiffened as did his upright tail. Finnick fell back like a slab of concrete, landing first on his back, then head, then face and belly first. He peeked up at her. She smiled.

In the distance, Nick and Jack continued onward. “So how much farther till we reach this sweet spot Finn? Finn?” Nick turned back only to realize that Finnick was no longer with them. Jack crashed into the red fox not noticing that he had stopped in his tracks. The hare turned back to look where Nick’s attention was and saw that Finnick was casually walking away with a tall pretty gazelle beside him.   

Finnick glanced back and realized that his friends were glaring at him from a distance. Not knowing what to say, Finnick simply shrugged and chuckled as if saying ‘c’est la vie!’ Finnick placed a paw on Gazelle’s calf and continued on his way with her.

Jack huffed offended, “Twitterpated.”

“I’ll say,” Nick scoffed, equally upset at their friend. Nick went over to grab their abandoned wagon with the bouquets. “Great, this was all Finn’s idea and he’s the one to abandon ship. Talk about not letting some ‘filly’ control his life.”

“Fear not, Nick old boy. I still know where most mammals tend to gather during this time of the year. Do you still remember the 'the watering hole’ fountain where we used to play during the summer?”

“You mean the one we used to collect wish coins from to buy ourselves some pawpsicles? How could I forget!”

Jack frowned, “You know mother was quite angry with me when she realized I was doing that.”

“Eh, so was mine, but you gotta admit it was worth it. Now come on we got flowers to sell,” Nick said as he slapped Jack on the back, ushering him forward. The two mammals continued on their way, Nick at the forefront pulling the wagon of bouquets and Jack following close behind him.

Ahead of them in the nearby distance, sat a pale-yellow furred vixen with sapphire colored eyes underneath a tree. She wore beige colored khaki overalls and a striped black and white elbow length top. The vixen sat eating yogurt covered strawberries and reading a romance novel titled, The Business Mammal and the Inventor, a novel about a male business rabbit who gave a young struggling inventor her first big break. She didn’t know what she loved better -- the scientific innovations the female protagonist would conjure up or the depiction of the gentle, yet strong no nonsense attitude of the male rabbit who served as the head of the company and was the only one kind enough to give the protagonist's inventions a chance.

The vixen sighed, bringing the book to her chest. She had just finished reading the best part where the male rabbit shared a kiss with the leading lady, thanking her for his company's success. Though she was a vixen and therefore the natural enemy of rabbits and other lapins, she couldn't help but feel deeply attracted to the male rabbit and the novel. Plus the writer’s descriptions of him -- gentle, adorably naive in a certain way, soft, cuddly, yet strong, proper, brave, classy, a bit uptight and conservative but in a good way -- it had her curious about perhaps crossing the line and dating outside her species. If only she could find someone like him...with those tall ears…

Just then, the vixen heard the sound of approaching footsteps. She turned to see a somewhat scruffy --- yet to be fair -- handsome looking male fox and right behind him she saw just what she was looking for! Behind the fox was a gorgeous male hare in a black business suit! The vixen’s jaw immediately dropped, “Oh!” she let out a dreamy gasp. She just had to get his attention!

The vixen hid behind the tree trunk and waited for the fox to pass. Once the hare was about to pass her by too, she immediately let out an attention grabbing “Ahem.”

It worked! The striped hare immediately froze in his tracks. He turned to see the beautiful vixen curling her long fluffy tail in a coquettish manner. Jack’s cheeks burned red and his eyes bulged at the sight of her. The vixen hid her face behind her tail, then moved it to bat her eyes at him.

Jack felt his gaped mouth grow dry. Strange. He had spend most of his life around foxes both in his neighborhood and even at school and he had always been fine around them. So why was it then that this vixen had such a hold on him?

But perhaps it was that. He had spent so much time around them that there were times he felt like he was one of them. Not to mention, there were times when he felt attraction towards some of his vixen classmates in the past. What with their long fluffy tails and their cunning natures and this vixen was no exception. She was the absolute most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

The female fox coquettishly made her way toward him, humming a light little tune, “La, la, la, la-la, la”. Once right in front of him, she batted her eyes once more to him, “Hello,” she said in a sultry voice, “I’m Skye and you are?”

Jack couldn't say anything. He merely took a deep gulp and felt his bulging eyes pulse as his ears twisted into one another. He was like a deer in headlights. Skye giggled at his shyness, “I don't know if you can tell, but I really like stripes on a mammal. I think they make you look...cute.”

That made Jack finally react, “O-Oh? Thank you, although you really shouldn't call a bunny cu--” As he spoke Skye slowly moved her muzzle toward his and placed a soft kiss on his lips, causing the shocked hare to immediately thump his foot to the ground in excitement.

Skye pulled back realizing his foot has yet to stop thumping. She pressed a finger to his nose, causing the hare to stop thumping his foot.

With an love dazed expression on his face, Jack continued with his previous statement, “But you may call me cute if you like,” he fell forward on his belly during his elated haze, while Skye cupped her paws together and wagged her tail happily.

In the distance, Nick reached the fountain. He turned back to talk to Jack only to realize the hare was no longer with him. Nick’s ears perked in surprise. Where could he have gone? He looked further back and saw Jack curled up on a vixen's tail.

Jack had a goofy smile on his face all the while Skye played with one of his ears. She flicked at it with her paw while once again singing, “La-la, la, la. La, la,laaaaa…” She held onto that last note, flicking his ear even faster. The sensation to his sensitive ears and the excitement of it all caused his foot to thump again.

Nick frowned and shook his head, “Traitor,” he grumped under his breath. Great, now he was all alone on his business venture. Though it was Spring, it was still a fairly warm day so Nick decided to pull his wagon to a nearby water fountain to drink some water before setting up camp to sell.

He started to drink when he suddenly heard a feminine voice speak to him, “Hello Nick.” Nick spit the water back down in shock. He looked up and saw a drop dead gorgeous gray rabbit with the most beautiful yet somehow familiar amethyst colored eyes he had ever seen. Nick gulped and his jaw slacked as the smooth talking fox felt his brain shut off at the mere sight of the pretty rabbit. The mystery bunny giggled, “Don't you remember me, Slick? I'm Judy.”

Judy?! Nick thought, at last feeling his brain function once more. It was no wonder he recognized her! How could he ever forget her? The two met as children when his mother used to work at the neighborhood bakery shop. He remembered that Mr. and Mrs. Hopps used to come all the way from Bunny Burrow to deliver fruits to the bakery. And every time they came they would always bring their little spitfire five year old daughter Judy along with them. Ugh, how much she would annoy him back then. Especially when she gave him his first kiss -- the one he had never asked for! I mean he was only eight at the time. Yuck!

Regardless of that kiss however, he’d always look forward to seeing her every chance he got! He never wanted to admit it, especially not to her, but he actually really liked that kiss.

And now, years later...he was finally meeting her again…

“Carrots…” Nick quietly uttered the nickname he had given her as he took in the sight of her full grown curvy figure that was well complemented by her pink flannel shirt and blue jeans. This wasn't the cute little dumb bunny he remembered. No, this was that same little bunny but now blossomed into a beautiful young lady.

Judy giggled at his stunned behavior and took a few steps forward, causing the nervous fox to take a few steps back. “I'm glad to hear you remember me, slick Nick.”

“H-How could I not remember a pretty--I-I mean dumb bunny like yo--ahh!” Nick fell back, tripping on his wagon of bouquets.

Judy gasped as the fox was covered in flowers and petals. Nick looked up at her, severely embarrassed by what just happened. Who was he kidding...anybody could see through his ‘sly, uncaring’ ruse. He was smitten by the bunny and she was forcing him to display a vulnerable side that no one had ever seen before.

An air of awkwardness lie between them, until Judy snickered a light-hearted giggle. Despite his embarrassment, Nick found himself also snickering a chuckle. In an attempt to play it cool, Nick grabbed one of the bouquets that was still in tact and offered it to the bunny, “For you Carrots.”

Judy’s eyes widened and she smiled. She took the bouquet in her paws and smelled them. She blushed, “Thank you Nick. They’re beautiful.”

Nick felt his heart beat wildly in his chest at the mere sight of her gentle smile. He felt himself blush as he chuckled nervously. Then without warning, Judy moved her muzzle close to his cheek. Nick gasped quietly and closed his eyes as he felt the bunny place a soft kiss on his cheek.

Nick’s eyes immediately popped open as he felt his head spin in a heavenly daze. The corners of his mouth rose in a goofy grin. The red fox sighed, his eyes practically rolling to the back of his head. Bogo was right. The second he felt that bunny kiss him, he felt light as a feather! And he could swear he was literally in heaven, with nothing but clouds surrounding him as far as the eye could see! And there hopping amongst the clouds and enticing him to follow, was a beautiful bunny shaped angel named Judy Hopps.

“Nick…” He heard her heavenly voice echo. “Remember when we used to play cops and robbers? Think you can catch me now?” She said, batting her purple eyes at him.

Nick smiled and without a word, sat up from the ground and made chase for the giggling bunny. It was a classic scene -- a fox chasing a rabbit. Or rather a predator chasing his prey. But in this case it wasn’t for food, but to woo over the prey in question to be his mate.

Nick chased after her through the heavenly clouds he had conjured up in his mind. The two of them leaping weightlessly, practically dancing amongst the soft clouds. Judy giggled and gleefully hid behind a bush shaped cloud. Nick chuckled and peeked through the cloud with a playuful grin, “Oh, Carro---”  

He was cut off, as his nose butted against another male fox’s. His heavenly daze was over and was brought crashing down into the real world.

“Nick? Nick Wilde?!” said the other fox, somehow recognizing Nick. Nick stared at him in shock and confusion. A brown cat popped his head out from the bush behind the intruding male fox. “Why look who it is Giddy! It’s good old Nick Wilde!” the taller fox chortled and grabbed Nick in a noogie, “You old rascal! Thought you could get away from us could you?”

“Remind me how I know you?” Nick groaned, struggling to break himself free from the taller red fox.

“Why, don’t you remember me?” the fox elbows his associate as Nick breaks free from his grasp, “He doesn’t remember us Giddy. It’s us! Your old pals Honest John and Gideon.”

Nick’s eyes widened as he massaged his neck, “Honest John?” Memories immediately flooded the fox’s mind. He knew the so called ‘honest’ fox since they were both kits. The other fox was a couple years older than him and he would see him around the neighborhood a few times. Honest John was a bully to Nick growing up and he would constantly tease the younger fox for wanting to grow up to be a cop like his father -- more so because Honest John was constantly getting in trouble with the law and was always quick to remind Nick of their lot in life as no good, sly foxes.

“Ha,ha,ha good to see you remember me old friend!” laughed Honest John with a slap to Nick’s back. “So tell me, is your old fox still failing at being a fox? Or did he finally decide to quit the force?”

Before Nick could answer, Judy called to him, “Nick?” Judy resurfaced from a nearby grove of trees. “Nick,” she looked beside him and immediately frowned at the sight of Honest John. She too remembered the older fox and of how he would torture poor Nick with his demeaning words.

Honest John’s eyes widened and he whistled while his feline associate adjusted his raggedy top hot, wanting to look presentable in the presence of a lady. “Do my eyes deceive me or is that little Judy Hopps all grown up?”

“Hello ‘Honest’ John,” Judy said apathetically with her ears pushed back.

“Well, well! So I see you remember me,” Honest John adjusted his cheap suit’s collar and shoved Nick back on his tail. Judy’s jaw dropped and she glared at him as he swaggered over to her, “I guess I must’ve made quite the impression on you, didn’t I?”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t imagine…” Judy practically hissed under her breath.

Honest John scanned his eyes over her and smirked flirtingly, “My, my. You really have grown haven’t you? Say,” he wrapped an arm over her small shoulders and shoved the bouquet of flowers Nick had previously given to her from her paws, “Given that it is Spring and l’amour is in the air,” Honest John made a rose pop up in his gloved paw via a sleight of hand trick. He offered it to Judy, “What do you say we take a little stroll in the park? Hmm? If you’d like I can even get Giddy here to pull us on a nice romantic carriage. Isn’t that right Giddy?”

His feline associate nodded in agreement.  

Nick glared at the taller fox in jealousy. His fear were put to rest however when Judy said, “Sorry ‘Honest’ John.” She pulled away from his arm and dropped the rose he gave her, instead picking up the bouquet Nick had given her. “But Nick and I already had plans for this evening. Isn’t that right Nick?” She looked over her shoulder to him.

Nick smiled. That sly bunny, he thought. She always was quick at thinking on her feet. Nick stood back up with a confident grin. “That’s right!”

“Nick?!” Honest John said with a bad taste in his mouth. “You may have grown Judy, but your taste sure hasn’t. Honestly, a pretty farm girl like you going for a disgraced cop’s con artist son.”

Nick gulped. How did he know that he wasn’t living an honest life?! Was he spying on him and Finnick when they were picking the wildflowers from the park?

Judy crossed her arms defensively, “For your information, I’m not a farm girl anymore. I’ve come back to the city to become a cop myself.”

“What?” Nick gasped quietly underneath his breath. Honest John meanwhile just laughed.

“What? You’re joking right? A bunny cop?!” he guffawed, “I’m sorry to laugh at you my dear, but that it the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! Hahahaha!” Gideon joined him in silent laughter.

Judy scoffed offended, “It’s not funny! A bunny can be a cop! Just look at Nick’s father, many mammals didn’t believe a fox could ever be a cop yet he proved you and everybody else wrong!”

“Right! Next thing you’re going to tell me is Nick there also came back to the city to become a cop too! Hahahahaha!” He and Gideon continued to laugh boisterously.

Judy turned to Nick for an answer, here eyes hopeful. Staring deep into her caring amethyst eyes and glancing back at Honest John and his incessant laughing, Nick took a deep determined breath. “So what if I did?” he asked the fox with his chest puffed out.

“Ha!-Huh?” Honest John and Gideon seized their laughter as Judy smiled wide with happy, cupped paws toward Nick.

“I...uh…” Nick glanced at the happy bunny. He smiled, decided. “I did. I’m going to become a cop just like my old fox and before you know it, I’m gonna be Chief of Police. That is, if a certain bunny doesn’t beat me to it.” He gave Judy a wink, causing her to blush.

“You? Chief of Police? Don’t make me laugh. Judy, you can’t possibly believe a sly fox like him could ever make an honest living when he’s off picking wildflowers from the park’s flower patches.”

Nick’s ears fell back in humiliation while Judy stood defensively for him. “That’s not true!”

“Oh no?” Honest John took the bouquet from her paws and unwrapped it, “Then why do your flowers still have roots and bits of dirt on them? Not to mention if you look around the park, you’ll find some bald flower patches. Care to add some input on a possible explanation to that Wilde?”

Nick’s face flushed in embarrassment as Judy turned to face him with a disappointed look on her face. “I…” Nick was at a loss for words. How could he lose her like this? Over a stupid con that he didn’t even manage to execute. Nick glanced up at Honest John who smirked victoriously at him. The older fox’s cocky face incited a furious fire in Nick.

No...he won’t lose Judy like this. Not because of him! Nick took the disappointed bunny’s paw in his and gazed into her eyes with sincere regret. “I’m sorry Judy. Honest John is right. I did take those flowers from the park and I was planning on selling them to others.” Judy’s gaze dropped in disappointment once more. “But...but then you came along and I managed to give them a better purpose. I promise I won’t ever do something like this again. And I promise you that I will become a cop and do what I can to make right by you and this city.” Nick gave her a sincere smile and she returned his smile. Her faith in him growing again.

Judy pressed against Nick’s chest and stood on the tips of her toes to rub her head affectionately underneath at the crook of his neck. “I forgive you, you dumb fox.” She smiled up at him with a boop to his nose. Nick smiled in relief and he reached down to give Judy a soft kiss on her cheek.  

Honest John’s jaw dropped, “What?! You’re going to forgive him just like that?!”

“He at least had the courage and true honesty to tell me the truth and apologize for what he did. When have you ever done anything to live up to your name? Dishonest John.”

Nick chuckled, “Good one, Carrots.”

Honest John growled in anger.

“Sorry Johnny boy, but the lovely Judy and I have a date to get back to. So see ya around, old pal.” Nick gave him a two finger salute.

Honest John huffed and turned around, “Come Giddy. Let’s get out of this dump!” The brown feline immediately rushed to the rejected fox’s side. Both of them leaving the park in utter humiliation.

Nick offered an arm to his new bunny girlfriend, “Officer Hopps.” Judy took his arm.

“Why thank you, Officer Wilde.” The two left together, arm in arm as the sun set on the horizon making way for a romantic evening in their wake.

[theconservativebrief]

The next fight in Congress over a Trump administration nominee will be over a little-known budget official with scant relevant experience tapped to lead the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: Kathy Kraninger.

Kraninger, President Donald Trump’s pick to head the government’s top consumer watchdog, will face the Senate Banking Committee for her confirmation hearing on Thursday. Democrats and consumer advocacy groups are mounting resistance to her nomination, which they see as another step in the administration’s ongoing effort to undermine the federal government’s regulatory apparatus and diminish the CFPB.

Trump announced plans to nominate Kraninger, 43, to head the agency on June 18, replacing acting director Mick Mulvaney. Kraninger is currently the associate director for general government programs at the Office of Management and Budget, where she oversees a $250 billion budget across seven Cabinet departments, including the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Justice. (In addition to his role at the consumer protection agency, Mulvaney is director of the OMB.)

Kraninger’s nomination was a bit of a head-scratcher: She doesn’t have much discernible experience or known interest in consumer protection or financial services. She wasn’t on anyone’s radar before her nomination, although multiple names with more applicable experience were floated as potential nominees, including Ohio lawyer Jonathan Denver and National Credit Union Administration chair J. Mark McWatters.

J.W. Verret, a George Mason University professor and former chief economist for Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX), described Kraninger as a “mid-level budget staffer lacking expertise, chosen to leave one of the most powerful agencies in the government” in an interview with the Wall Street Journal when she was nominated.

Now Democrats are gearing up for a fight over Kraninger’s confirmation. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) said she would try to block the nomination soon after it was announced in June. Banking Committee Democrats sent a letter to committee chair Sen. Mike Crapo (D-ID) asking him to postpone the hearing until the Trump administration sends over documentation on Kraninger they’ve requested in two separate letters to her.

Specifically, they’re asking questions about her role in the Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” immigration policies that resulted in the separation of migrant parents and children at the US-Mexico border, and her activities in relation to the government’s response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico and ongoing affordable housing issues tied to the Housing and Urban Development Department. It’s all under her umbrella at OMB.

A spokesperson for Warren’s office said the Democrats intend to use “every procedural tool we have to get answers to our questions.”

The CFPB was created under the Dodd-Frank financial reform and formed in 2011. Its mission is to protect consumers who are dealing with banks and taking on debt, including mortgages, student loans, and credit cards. Under its first director, Richard Cordray, who was confirmed in 2013, the bureau by its own tally handled more than 1.2 million consumer complaints and brought about nearly $12 billion in relief for harmed consumers.

Many Republicans have been fiercely critical of the CFPB since its inception. They argue it is a prime example of government overreach and that its single-director structure places an excessive amount of power in the hands of a federal agency.

Since Trump’s inauguration, the CFPB has become more of a flashpoint, especially after Cordray stepped down in November and Mulvaney took over as acting director. Mulvaney, a former South Carolina representative, while in Congress criticized the CFPB and in a 2014 interview slammed it as a “sick, sad” joke. As acting director, he’s taken a number of actions to reduce its scope and rein it in: He’s disbanded consumer advisory boards, scaled back sanctions on payday lenders, and even pushed to change the agency’s acronym to BCFP.

Consumer advocacy groups and Democrats are concerned that Kraninger’s appointment will only do more damage to the CFPB than what’s already been done under Mulvaney.

She doesn’t have any discernible experience in financial services; her background appears to be largely in homeland security. The White House’s announcement of her nomination points out that in her current job at the OMB, she oversees budgeting for seven Cabinet departments and 30 federal agencies — the CFPB is one of them, but given the scope of her job overall, it’s unclear how involved she’s actually been.

Kraninger has “neither experience as a regulator nor expertise in consumer financial issues,” Bartlett Naylor, a financial policy advocate at consumer advocacy group Public Citizen, told the LA Times at the time of her nomination. “The nation’s leading consumer financial regulator is not an entry-level job.”

There has also been some speculation that Kraninger’s nomination is simply a way to keep Mulvaney in charge of the CFPB on a temporary basis for longer. Her nomination resets the clock on his time as acting director of the agency, and if she isn’t confirmed by the Senate, he gets to stay in. Either way, the confirmation could take months.

“It’s heads we win, tails they lose,” Chuck Gabriel, president of the research firm Capital Alpha Partners, told me recently. He emphasized he doesn’t think Kraninger is a throwaway candidate and may very well be confirmed, including possibly with some Democratic votes. “I think she reflects the downscaling of the weight and range of movement that Republicans envisioned for that bureau.”

Beyond Kraninger’s lack of experience in financial services and regulatory matters, Democrats and progressive groups have homed in on exactly what she’s been up to at the OMB. In a normally functioning White House, associate directors in each issue area within the agency play an essential role in policymaking. In Kraninger’s case, that includes the departments of Justice, Homeland Security, and Housing and Urban Development, among others.

Democrats have been pushing to find out what Kraninger knew about the Trump administration’s family separation practices, which took place as a result of actions undertaken by the DOJ and DHS. In June, Warren and Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH), the ranking member of the Senate Banking Committee, sent a letter to Kraninger asking for information and documents on her role in the development and implementation of Trump’s “zero tolerance” policy, including a description of her role in crafting the DOJ’s recommendations and DHS’s implementation, her communications with officials, and any analyses or recommendations she may have provided.

There’s a chance she had no idea what was happening at all, that all the decisions were made behind closed doors. Or she knew and was involved, or didn’t do anything to intervene, or voiced concerns and was overruled. Whatever the case, Democrats want answers.

Democrats have also asked Kraninger for information on her role in the Trump administration’s response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. In a letter addressed to her in June, they requested documentation related to her oversight of DHS, Treasury, and HUD on that front.

Warren’s office on Wednesday, ahead of the Thursday confirmation hearing, released a 14-page report alleging that Kraninger has a “record of failure” and examining the goings-on at the agencies she supervises at the OMB. The report cites the Trump administration’s activities in immigration policy, Puerto Rico hurricane recovery, and affordable housing.

“The entire case for her nomination rests on her purported management abilities. Yet a close look at her record shows consistent mismanagement, often with devastating results for poor and vulnerable people,” the report reads. “Her record does not justify a massive promotion to lead the federal agency charged with protecting consumers.”

Progressive and advocacy groups, such as Americans for Financial Reform and Public Justice, are making similar arguments against Kraninger’s nomination.

Kraninger helped craft the budget increasing funding for immigrant detention facilities and was likely involved in policies leading to the separation of immigrant children from their families at the Southern border.

— AFR (@RealBankReform) July 18, 2018

Kraninger oversaw agencies which led the disastrous response to the crisis in Puerto Rico following Hurricane Maria. Experts say many people died after the hurricane because of the weak response and the island still lacks reliable power.

— AFR (@RealBankReform) July 18, 2018

Despite calls for delaying Kraninger’s confirmation hearing, it appears as though it’s moving full speed ahead. Banking Committee Chair Sen. Crapo’s office said he’s not postponing it. After meeting with Kraninger in June, he tweeted out his initial approval.

Had a positive conversation with @CFPB Director nominee Kathy Kraninger about her vision for the Bureau, which includes protecting consumers’ sensitive, personal financial information, expanding access to credit, and making the Bureau transparent and accountable. pic.twitter.com/r7Tfx3fwYD

— Senator Mike Crapo (@MikeCrapo) June 26, 2018

Original Source -> Democrats gear up for a fight over the next head of the CFPB

via The Conservative Brief

[everettwilkinson]

THE OVAL meeting on immigration — PRINCE HARRY talks to OBAMA — RYAN vs. MCCONNELL on entitlement reform — JANESVILLE newspaper begs RYAN to stick around — B’DAY: Savannah Guthrie

A BIT OF NEWS … A group of House Republicans key in the immigration debate quietly went to the White House last week for an Oval Office meeting with PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP about a fix for DACA — a program that prevented the deportation of children who came to the U.S. illegally through no fault of their own. House Homeland Security Chairman Mike McCaul of Texas, Judiciary Chairman Bob Goodlatte of Virginia, House Freedom Caucus Chairman Mark Meadows of North Carolina, Rep. Raul Labrador of Idaho and Rep. Martha McSally of Arizona were all in attendance for the Dec. 19 meeting. It was a glove-touching session before the December break, sources told us.

Needless to say, the fix for DACA will be a huge congressional priority in the first quarter of 2018. We hear some Republicans want the GOP Congress to take up the issue in the first few weeks of January. Why? Republicans say doing it earlier allows them to handle the issue on their terms. If the GOP lets it slip close to Jan. 19, Republicans fear Democrats could use the government-funding deadline to extract more. Ideally, Republicans hope to get border security money in the package that fixes DACA. GIVE HIM CREDIT: The president is working the right channels, at the moment. ANOTHER PIECE: Democrats, who weren’t at this meeting, will also be crucial.

Story Continued Below

HOLIDAY-WEEK CLICKERS — BBC RADIO 4: “Prince Harry interviews Barack Obama”: “Our guest editor today, Prince Harry, met President Obama, in Toronto in September during the Invictus Games to talk about his memories of the day he left office, his post-presidential work with the Obama Foundation and his hopes for the future.” 39 minutes http://bbc.in/2zCKEYa

— BOSTON MAGAZINE: “Michael Dukakis’s Last Stand,” by Robert Huber. http://bit.ly/2DY2Lep

–“2017: The nation’s cartoonists on the year in politics,” edited by Matt Wuerker — 37 keepers http://politi.co/2BM28TP

SPOTTED: House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Frank Luntz yesterday eating a bite at Smashburger right outside Staples Center before the Clippers v. Kings basketball game … former Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) in the express line yesterday for the Harry Potter “Escape From Gringotts” ride at Universal Studios Orlando. He brought two of his five kids to Universal. … Robert Kraft having a drink at Buccan last night in Palm Beach.

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Good Wednesday morning. WHAT’S NEXT ON THE AGENDA — EVEN REPUBLICANS DON’T AGREE! — “It’s Ryan vs. McConnell on entitlement reform,” by Seung Min Kim and Rachael Bade: “Speaker Paul Ryan’s dream of overhauling the nation’s entitlement programs in 2018 will soon run into a harsh reality: His own party isn’t on board. The Wisconsin Republican has detailed an ambitious effort to dramatically reshape Medicare, Medicaid and welfare programs that the GOP has long targeted as ripe for reforms. But bring it up with key Senate Republicans and House GOP moderates and they blanch — seeing a legislative battle that may not be winnable and that may not be worth it in an election year where control of Congress is up for grabs.

“Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) has all but ruled out the idea, saying publicly that he doesn’t expect to see welfare and entitlement changes on the agenda next year, particularly if it’s done in a party-line manner. ‘The sensitivity of entitlements is such that you almost have to have a bipartisan agreement in order to achieve a result,’ McConnell told reporters at a news conference last week.

“Other key Republicans are clearly loath to turn to such a sharply partisan pursuit after grueling fights over Obamacare and taxes. Sen. Shelley Moore Capito (R-W.Va.), a swing vote during the Obamacare repeal fight this summer, quickly changed the subject when asked about Ryan’s entitlement reform push.

“‘Well, I’d like to see us pivot to infrastructure. We’ve talked it all year, the president talked about it,’ Capito said. ‘I think it could be a bipartisan exercise. I would certainly hope so.’ The clash illustrates the dilemma that congressional GOP leaders face early next year: How to sketch out an election-year agenda that unifies House and Senate Republicans and satisfies the conservative base without further risking their already-imperiled majorities.” http://politi.co/2BYKEYE

MEANWHILE, IN JANESVILLE … JANESVILLE GAZETTE EDITORIAL: “Our Views: Please don’t go, Paul”: “Rumors about House Speaker Paul Ryan possibly leaving Congress next year dampened excitement over passage of the nation’s first tax overhaul since the Ronald Reagan era. Some athletes try to retire at the top of their games, and maybe Ryan is having similar thoughts as he contemplates this major legislative victory. …

“[R]yan has refused to debase himself by hurling insults at his critics. He reminds the Beltway of what life used to be like before Twitter, and he’s an example of how a leader should behave. It’s not fair to blame Ryan for the antics of a president with little self-control. Congress would lose a great deal — namely integrity — if Ryan were to leave. Paul, please don’t go.” http://bit.ly/2Cc861e

AP TICK TOCK — JONATHAN LEMIRE and ZEKE MILLER –“13 Days in July: The Trump White House’s crucible”: “The two-week span laid bare the splintering of Trump’s relationships with two influential Cabinet members, foreshadowed the reach of the Russia probe into the interior of his orbit; saw the dramatic, last-minute defeat of one of the president’s signature campaign promises; and featured a senior staff shakeup that reset the rhythms of this presidency. From the outside, it was an unruly stretch that threatened to turn the White House into a sideshow. Inside the West Wing, the chaotic days between July 19-31 stand as a panicked memory but also one that also paved the way for future successes, according to nearly two dozen administration officials, outside advisers and lawmakers. …

“‘That was the extreme,’ said former press secretary Sean Spicer. … Several advisers deemed Kelly’s hire a turning point for the administration, a move that cut down on internal fights, restored order to the West Wing and laid the groundwork for wins down the road. ‘Once myself, Reince and Steve were out of the picture, I think that moved the target off — it got people back to focus,’ Spicer recalled.” http://bit.ly/2BKQfh2

OBAMA LEGACY WATCH — NYT’S ROBERT PEAR — “Years of Attack Leave Obamacare a More Government-Focused Health Law”: “The Affordable Care Act was conceived as a mix of publicly funded health care and privately purchased insurance, but Republican attacks, culminating this month in the death of a mandate that most Americans have insurance, are shifting the balance, giving the government a larger role than Democrats ever anticipated. And while President Trump insisted again on Tuesday that the health law was ‘essentially’ being repealed, what remains of it appears relatively stable and increasingly government-funded.

“In short, President Barack Obama’s signature domestic achievement is becoming more like what conservatives despise — government-run health care — thanks in part to Republican efforts that are raising premiums for people without government assistance and allowing them to skirt coverage. By ending the tax penalty for people who do not have coverage, beginning in 2019, Republicans may hasten the flight of customers who now pay the full cost of their insurance. Among those left behind under the umbrella of the Affordable Care Act would be people of modest means who qualify for Medicaid or receive sizable subsidies for private insurance.” http://nyti.ms/2l5Uzkq

PLAYBOOK YEAR IN REVIEW: Today’s audio briefing features a bonus episode of Anna, Jake and Zach talking about being journalists in the era of fake news and what impact it has had in coverage http://bit.ly/2BZnQrE … ICYMI: Check out yesterday’s bonus briefing about the recent wave of sexual misconduct allegations against prominent D.C. figures and how the political world is reacting to them http://bit.ly/2pwfQIG

WHAT’S ON PRESIDENT TRUMP’S MIND — @realDonaldTrump at 5:17 p.m.: “All signs are that business is looking really good for next year, only to be helped further by our Tax Cut Bill. Will be a great year for Companies and JOBS! Stock Market is poised for another year of SUCCESS!”

****** A message from Google Year in Search 2017: In 2017, the world asked “how…?” From “how to move forward” to “how to make a difference,” the questions we asked showed our shared desire to understand our experiences. Watch the film and see top trending lists from around the world at g.co/2017. ******

ANNIE KARNI, “What happens when Trump targets you on Twitter: Five Americans named by the president on social media talk about the unexpected fallout in their real lives”: “The [‘facelift’] tweet … hit [Mika] Brzezinski at the tail end of 24 months of back-to-back personal traumas, blunting its effect, she said. ‘In the past two years, I’ve lost my best friend to pancreatic cancer, I’ve gotten divorced, my oldest daughter had this harrowing day on her college campus, and we thought she had been kidnapped. My father went into the hospital and died, and right after my dad died, my mother had two heart attacks — and a month later the president tweeted.’” Also featuring Kathy Griffin, Alan Dershowitz, John Podesta and Kirsten Gillibrand: http://politi.co/2lfBLP2

WHAT TRUMP LIKES TO SEE — “In the heart of Trump Country, his base’s faith is unshaken,” by AP’s Claire Galofaro in Sandy Hook, Kentucky: “Despite the president’s dismal approval ratings and lethargic legislative achievements, he remains profoundly popular here in these mountains, a region so badly battered by the collapse of the coal industry it became the symbolic heart of Trump’s white working-class base. The frenetic churn of the national news, the ceaseless Twitter taunts, the daily declarations of outrage scroll soundlessly across the bottom of the diner’s television screen, rarely registering. When they do, Trump doesn’t shoulder the blame — because the allegiance of those here is as emotional as it is economic.

“It means God, guns, patriotism, saying ‘Merry Christmas’ and not Happy Holidays. It means validation of their indignation about a changing nation: gay marriage and immigration and factories moving overseas. It means tearing down the political system that neglected them again and again in favor of the big cities that feel a world away. On those counts, they believe Trump has delivered, even if his promised blue-collar renaissance has not yet materialized. He’s punching at all the people who let them down for so long — the presidential embodiment of their own discontent.” http://bit.ly/2BZ1eHO

SOMETHING TO WATCH — “Military poised to accept transgender troops, despite Trump tweets, as courts block ban,” by L.A. Times’ David Savage: “Barring last-minute intervention by the Supreme Court, the military’s ban on enlisting transgender troops is set to fall next week, despite President Trump’s tweets. If so, it would be the rare instance of a major change in U.S. military policy that takes place despite the opposition of the commander in chief.” http://bit.ly/2li7hvB

FOR YOUR RADAR — AP: “Treasury issues sanctions against 2 North Korean officials”: “The U.S. Treasury Department issued sanctions Tuesday against two officials it describes as ‘key leaders of North Korea’s unlawful weapons programs.’ The sanctions against Kim Jong Sik and Ri Pyong Chol block them from any property or interests in property within U.S. jurisdiction, and prohibit them from transactions with American citizens. Treasury said the men are senior officials in North Korea’s Munitions Industry Department.” http://bit.ly/2Cfklwk

— “Homeland Security Increasingly Means Putting Agents Outside the Homeland,” by NYT’s Ron Nixon aboard a P-3 Orion, over the Pacific Ocean: “The Department of Homeland Security is increasingly going global. An estimated 2,000 Homeland Security employees — from Immigration and Customs Enforcement special agents to Transportation Security Administration officials — now are deployed to more than 70 countries around the world. Hundreds more are either at sea for weeks at a time aboard Coast Guard ships, or patrolling the skies in surveillance planes above the eastern Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea.

“The expansion has created tensions with some European countrieswho say that the United States is trying to export its immigration laws to their territory. But other allies agree with the United States’ argument that its longer reach strengthens international security while preventing a terrorist attack, drug shipment, or human smuggling ring from reaching American soil.” http://nyti.ms/2E0Ztag

SEXUAL HARASSMENT FILES — “Inspector general says mishandling of sexual harassment complaints at Justice Department is a ‘systemic’ problem,” by WaPo’s Sari Horwitz: “The Justice Department has ‘systemic’ problems in how it handles sexual harassment complaints, with those found to have acted improperly often not receiving appropriate punishment, and the issue requires ‘high level action,’ according to the department’s inspector general.

“Justice supervisors have mishandled complaints, the IG said, and some perpetrators were given little discipline or even later rewarded with bonuses or performance awards. At the same time, the number of allegations of sexual misconduct has been increasing over the past five years and the complaints have involved senior Justice Department officials across the country.

“The cases examined by the IG’s office include a U.S. attorney who had a sexual relationship with a subordinate and sent harassing texts and emails when it ended; a Civil Division lawyer who groped the breasts and buttocks of two female trial attorneys; and a chief deputy U.S. marshal who had sex with ‘approximately’ nine women on multiple occasions in his U.S. Marshals Service office, according to investigative reports obtained by The Washington Post under a Freedom of Information Act request.” http://wapo.st/2CdQx3m

RUSSIA UPDATE — “U.S. lawmakers question businessman at 2016 Trump Tower meeting: sources,” by Reuters’ Mark Hosenball and Jonathan Landay: “A Georgian-American businessman who met then-Miss Universe pageant owner Donald Trump in 2013, has been questioned by congressional investigators about whether he helped organize a meeting between Russians and Trump’s eldest son during the 2016 election campaign, four sources familiar with the matter said. … The Senate and House of Representatives intelligence committees recently questioned behind closed doors Irakly Kaveladze, a U.S. citizen born in the former Soviet republic of Georgia, the sources said. He is a U.S.-based representative of Azerbaijani oligarch Aras Agalarov’s real estate firm, the Crocus Group.” http://reut.rs/2l7iIqT

— A MESSAGE TO TRUMP: “Trump Should Pardon Michael Flynn, Who Took ‘The Biggest Fall,’ Family Says,” by Newsweek’s Max Kutner: “‘About time you pardoned General Flynn who has taken the biggest fall for all of you given the illegitimacy of this confessed crime in the wake of all this corruption,’ Joseph Flynn [Michael Flynn’s brother] tweeted, though the post was deleted after about 15 minutes.” http://bit.ly/2l563Vx

THE RESISTANCE — STEYER WATCH EDITION: “‘We have tapped into something.’ Impeachment drive builds digital army to take on Trump,” by California Playbookers Carla Marinucci and David Siders in San Francisco: “When billionaire Democratic donor Tom Steyer launched a digital petition drive to impeach President Donald Trump two months ago, some Democratic Party leaders dismissed it as an unhelpful vanity project — and even Steyer thought he’d top out at a million signatures.

“But nearly four million digital signatures later, the philanthropist and environmental activist’s unlikely campaign has seized on an issue — impeaching Trump — that could become part of the Democratic mainstream in 2018. It’s placed at his fingertips a potentially powerful tool: an email list of millions of motivated activists who he can reach instantly for organizing and fundraising and that could become the hottest trove of data in Democratic politics since the email list that Bernie Sanders’ insurgent campaign against Hillary Clinton collected in 2016.

“Steyer’s digital success is fueling intense curiosity about what he’ll do with that tool in the future — and whether he’ll use it beyond his California base, for a White House bid of his own. ‘That’s how you build a grassroots operations for a presidential campaign. And if you are that guy who started this, that’s certainly a leg up in organizing a 50-state strategy,’ said Mike Madrid, a Republican consultant in California who is advising former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, a Democrat, in his gubernatorial campaign. ‘That’s what he’s building, and it’s probably second only to Bernie Sanders’ list, and may be eclipsing it. Every election cycle has its own dynamics, and whoever is tapping into the sentiments of their own base usually has an advantage.’” http://politi.co/2BHFKLn

ONE BIG HURDLE FOR DEMS — “Democrats Struggle to Convert Voter Enthusiasm Into Cash Contributions,” by WSJ’s Julie Bykowicz: “Democrats want to win back control of Congress and build up their presence in state capitals during next year’s elections, but they begin this ambitious mission with precious little cash to finance it.

“The [DNC] had $6.3 million in the bank on Dec. 1, while the [RNC] had six times as much, at $40 million, according to documents the parties filed with the [FEC]. In November, the DNC posted its worst fundraising amount for the month in a decade.

“Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe, a former DNC chairman who hosted a party fundraiser at his home Dec. 14, is among the party stalwarts stepping in to try to reverse the course. ‘I have heard a lot of donors say they need to take a break,’ said Mr. McAuliffe. ‘The party’s job is to convince them they can’t.’” http://on.wsj.com/2E1U7vp

— THIS SHORTFALL for Dems is a big problem. They have been touting their recent electoral victories and growing enthusiasm as evidence that they will win a congressional majority in the midterm election. Democrats will need to find a way to make up the difference in order to have a shot at taking advantage of Trump’s low poll numbers.

CLICKER — “The Worst Political Predictions of 2017” http://politi.co/2BYKAYO

PHOTO DU JOUR: Russian President Vladimir Putin arrives to chair a meeting of the State Council in the Kremlin in Moscow, Russia on Dec. 27. | Alexander Nemenov/Pool Photo via AP

BEN WHITE talks about Bitcoin with PETER VAN VALKENBURGH, director of research at nonprofit group Coin Center, in the latest “POLITICO Money” podcast: “Bitcoin could be on a rocket ride to over $1 million per coin. Or it could be headed to zero. One of the many mysteries surrounding the buzzy virtual currency is that nobody knows what it’s actually worth. Even true believers in Bitcoin and its underlying technology — the blockchain record-keeping function — acknowledge that the currency, which traded around $16,000 per coin on Tuesday, could be in a massive bubble.” http://politi.co/2BKsVjv …Listen to the full podcast http://apple.co/2nUA2Dc

— “Bitcoin’s boom is a boon for extremist groups,” by WaPo’s Craig Timberg: http://wapo.st/2zC9cQY

HMM — “Many Comments Critical of ‘Fiduciary’ Rule Are Fake,”by WSJ’s James V. Grimaldi and Paul Overberg: “A significant number of fake comments appear among thousands criticizing a proposed federal rule meant to prevent conflicts of interest in retirement advice, according to a Wall Street Journal analysis. … Consider the experience of Robert Schubert, a Devon, Pa., salesperson. A comment posted in his name on the Labor Department website opposed the rule, saying: ‘I do not need, do not want and object to any federal interference in my retirement planning.’

“In an interview, Mr. Schubert said the comment was a fraud. He didn’t post it and doesn’t agree with it. ‘I am disgusted that people can post comments using my name,’ Mr. Schubert said. Mr. Schubert is among 50 people who responded to a survey last week conducted by research firm Mercury Analytics for The Journal—40%, or 20 of whom said they didn’t post the comment listed under their name, address, phone number and email.” http://on.wsj.com/2BZnRvJ

THE REGULATORY ROLLBACK — “Trump Administration Eases Nursing Home Fines in Victory for Industry,” by Jordan Rau in NYT: “The Trump administration is scaling back the use of fines against nursing homes that harm residents or place them in grave risk of injury, part of a broader relaxation of regulations under the president. … Since 2013, nearly 6,500 nursing homes — four of every 10 — have been cited at least once for a serious violation, federal records show. Medicare has fined two-thirds of those homes. Common citations include failing to protect residents from avoidable accidents, neglect, mistreatment and bedsores.” http://nyti.ms/2zBONeU

–“Trump administration eases rule against killing birds,” by WaPo’s Juliet Eilperin: http://wapo.st/2CetjI0

****** A message from Google Year in Search 2017: As this year draws to a close, Google analyzed Search Trends data to see what the world was searching for. The data showed that 2017 was the year we asked “how…?” How do wildfires start? How to calm a dog during a storm? How to make a protest sign? These questions show our shared desire to understand our experiences and come to each other’s aid. Watch the Year in Search 2017 and see top trending lists from around the world at g.co/2017. ******

COMING ATTRACTIONS — “Conservatives’ culture wars come to Silicon Valley,” by Nancy Scola: “Conservatives have found the latest mark in their long-running assault on cultural elites: Silicon Valley. From Steve Bannon railing against the ‘lords of technology’ to Donald Trump Jr. using Twitter’s ‘blue checkmark’ as an insult, anti-tech tropes are ricocheting around the right, painting the internet industry as an unaccountable monolith that looks down on so-called mainstream Americans.

“For tech companies, flush with cash and facing little risk of regulation from Republicans, the intensifying rhetoric poses minimal short-term danger in Washington. But a sustained assault could, over time, turn the tech industry into the same kind of conservative punching bag as Hollywood or the news media. And that threatens to alienate parts of tech’s vast user base that spans the ideological spectrum.

“Conservatives say their disdain stems from suspicions that tech companies are biased against their views — as well as the industry’s utility as a symbol of the establishment amid the populist backlash unleashed by President Trump. ‘They’re looking out for themselves, and building technologies for themselves, while giving the short end of the stick to the rest of the country,’ said Garrett Johnson, co-founder of the right-of-center tech group Lincoln Network, adding that many fellow conservatives are eager to ‘pick a fight’ with Silicon Valley.” http://politi.co/2l6NWhK

ON THE WHITE HOUSE GROUNDS — “Iconic White House tree to be cut down,” by CNN’s Kate Bennett: “The south facade of the White House will undergo a dramatic change this week: the historic Jackson Magnolia, a tree that has been in place since the 1800s, is scheduled to be cut down and removed. The enormous magnolia [is] one of three on the west side of the White House and the oldest on the White House grounds … The tree has had a long and storied life, yet has now been deemed too damaged and decayed to remain in place. … The decision to remove the tree was ultimately made by first lady Melania Trump after she assessed all of the professional information and accompanying historical documents. … Trump has requested that the wood from the tree be preserved.” http://cnn.it/2BXUwSj

PLAYBOOK METRO SECTION – “What’s a Wendy’s doing there? The story of Washington’s weirdest traffic circle,” by WaPo’s Dan Zak: “First things first. There’s a Wendy’s in the middle of the intersection. Hard to get around that. It’s been there since the mid-’80s, on a wedge of land bordered by First Street NE and Florida and New York avenues, at a major gateway to Washington, D.C. Surrounding the Wendy’s is a ‘virtual traffic circle,’ a polite way to refer to this urban aneurysm — a pair of triangles, really, with a roundabout movement forced upon them. … [L]ocals call it: Dave Thomas Circle, in honor of the jovial, short-sleeved founder of the fast-food chain at the center of this mess.” http://wapo.st/2lgePPF

DESSERT – “Variety Critics Name the 20 Most Anticipated Movies of 2018”: http://bit.ly/2CcCRD4

BIRTHDAY OF THE DAY: Karen Hughes, worldwide vice chair of Burson-Marsteller, celebrating in New Mexico with Jerry. How she got her start in politics: “I covered politics as a television reporter in Texas and when Sen. John Tower was named co-chair of the Reagan-Bush ‘84 re-election campaign in Texas, he and his co-chair Martha Weisend hired me as their Texas press coordinator (historical footnote — the campaign had co-chairs to try to mend an ongoing rift in the party from the ‘76 election — Sen. Tower had supported President Ford and Martha was an early Ronald Reagan supporter).” Read her Playbook Plus Q&A: http://politi.co/2BZzKll

BIRTHDAYS: Savannah Guthrie … Mercedes Schlapp … Cokie Roberts … Arthur Kent is 64 … Max Band … Kurt Volker, executive director of the McCain Institute and the special representative to Ukraine … Brennan Bilberry, VP and head of public affairs of the Messina Group … Trygve Olson, president of Viking Strategies … Christina Glenn, adviser at Corporate Communications in Oslo and SKDK alum … Bloomberg’s Glen Carey … Tim Ball, creative director at Politico Europe … Rep. Jeff Fortenberry (R-Neb.) is 57 … former Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.) is 56 … Ben Lazarus, JD candidate at NYU Law … Alex Baren … Bill Connor of Oratorio Media & Presentation Training (h/t Cynthia Hacinli) … Andi Lipstein Fristedt, deputy health policy director for the Democratic minority on the Senate HELP committee … Osaremen Okolo …

… Jessica McCreight, VP at SKDKnickerbocker and an Obama WH alum … Kamau Marshall, communications director for Rep. Al Green (D-Tex.) … Reuters alum Jessica Bachman … Jacob Levy … Joseph Grieboski … Hemanshu Nigam … Mike Thomas … Jacqueline Policastro, Gray Television’s D.C. bureau chief … Emily Hytha, comms director for Rep. Mike Conaway (R-Texas) … Sheri Treadwell … TPM’s Tierney Sneed … Jill Meadows Hoppin … Barclay Palmer … Joseph Collins … Sarah Guinan Nixon … Joe Harris … Andrew Chesley … Susie Weinrauch Leach … Edelman’s Alex Milwee and Holli Holsan … Phil Reisen … Josh Litten … Catherine Marx … Moyer Brandon McCoy … Geri Palast … Yael Belkind (h/ts Teresa Vilmain)

****** A message from Google Year in Search 2017: As this year draws to a close, Google analyzed Search Trends data to see what the world was searching for. The data showed that 2017 was the year we asked “how…?” How do wildfires start? How to calm a dog during a storm? How to make a protest sign? All of the “how” searches featured in the Year in Search film were searched at least 10 times more this year than ever before. These questions show our shared desire to understand our experiences and come to each other’s aid.

From “how to watch the eclipse” and “how to shoot like Curry,” to “how to move forward” and “how to make a difference,” here’s to this Year in Search. Watch the film and see top trending lists from around the world at g.co/2017. ******

SUBSCRIBE to the Playbook family: POLITICO Playbook http://politi.co/2lQswbh … Playbook Power Briefing http://politi.co/2xuOiqh … New York Playbook http://politi.co/1ON8bqW … Florida Playbook http://politi.co/1OypFe9 … New Jersey Playbook http://politi.co/1HLKltF … Massachusetts Playbook http://politi.co/1Nhtq5v … Illinois Playbook http://politi.co/1N7u5sb… California Playbook http://politi.co/2bLvcPl … London Playbook http://politi.co/2xfDPuK … Brussels Playbook http://politi.co/1FZeLcw … All our political and policy tipsheets http://politi.co/1M75UbX

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