#Journaling Instructions

[kentnaturaltribrid]

Got bored and still have at least 8-13 + more pages to finish, at least 30+ more if counting the pages were an option at this point in time. But, will get to that later. Have at least 117 pages finished and filled, though, still have at least 9 or so more pages in the category for some variation of a Thing for recipes pages. For now, leaving it with these two pages as a start. Might get back to it as soon as November or December if something comes up in the mind. However, still a work in progress for the sector.

[lesbian-vampyre]

little furby thing i did for my junk journal

[kat-and-their-cats]

Reblog for a larger sample size, apologies if your favourite cursed book isn't on the list, comment it for it to be put on the next poll.

[masteroffakesmiles]

cried a bit during my driving lesson today (check tags)

Not happy about that

[acrobattack]

i think it’s fun that blossom and buttercup butt heads the most vs brick who targets boomer and more or less gets along swell with butch

[vulpine111]

[supercool-here]

Therapy sessions at uni, second session

Oh damn, we´re so back at it. I actually had my second session last thursday. It was great. I really appreciate my therapist. You don´t know the power of having good people around you until you have them and see their influence in your life. He is a professional, and I am thankful he is always gentle and tells me I´m doing good when I am. It means a lot to me. This time I was able to initiate most of the talk, and I told him the stuff I learned over the few days I didn´t see him, like how I am the one limiting myself so much, how I am insecure and etc. My next session is not until late april, but I´m excited to bring him good news; he gave me many exercises to practice talking and being more confident expressing myself.

I´ve been having a hard time though. There are things I haven´t talked about in therapy. This weekend I´ve been in a really bad mood almost everyday, either I start comparing myself with others and that brings me down, or I don´t get something I want and I feel frustrated, or for example yesterday my mom told me "you are twenty years old you can act accordingly" and that made me feel so angry and frustrated because I often feel like my family treats me like a child, and I recognize I comply to that but one thing that has been on my mind for years now is that I want to be capable of all the things an adult woman is capable of and I´ve imagined myself telling them about this so many times but I´ve never done it. I was so frustrated in all these situations, and I kept thinking "I have to express myself, I can´t bottle up my feelings" but there are things I don´t want to talk about with anyone, let alone my family. Because I understand it must be frustrating for them also seeing that I am in a bad mood and not knowing the reason and asking me about it and me just shrugging. But I can´t just tell them in the middle of a party "well I feel really ugly and I look at all these girls here and I feel like a cockroach and I really wish I was home in my pajamas watching tv instead of here feeling ridiculous and disgusting". Plus what would that do for anyone? For me maybe I´d at least have the feelings out of my system but I am not expecting them to give a good response to that, I would love it if all they could say was "sorry, it´ll be fine", but my mom would roll her eyes, even tho she has insecurities too, except she is good at sweeping them under the rug and expects me to do the same but I can´t; my dad wouldn´t say anything, which is a break; my sister would give me some patronizing speech; my other sister would echo her. And it would be very overwhelming. (the only pro is that they would get to know what is on my mind, which is good because I do want them to know me and I want to open myself to them) So I try to calm myself down but I can´t and I can only breath freely again once we´re out of the salon going into the car. I can´t tell them "behaving as a 20 year old girl is the thing I want the most in this world but do you ever help me with that? No. But nevermind, I don´t need you to help me with that, after all I am a twenty year old girl so if you really mean it, I will start acting as such. I´ll have more initiative. I´ll want things and try to get them. I´ll go places. I´ll say things. I´ll meet people. And I won´t ask for your permission, I will only ask if you´d like to join" I really wish I could say those things, but it low-key sounds more like a tantrum and that is exactly what children do. Funny.

Today I tried being brave and good to myself. I made a mid-size mistake. I panicked. I hate making mistakes because it hurts my pride (which is the only armor I´ve had in my life, tho it turns out, it hurts you more than it protects you) and it makes me feel miserable and it is one of the thousands of things that make me spiral and hate myself and ultimately want to die (or vanish into a void and come out as a different person). So my very coward instinctive response to oopsies is crying, and either denying or hiding my mistake. So the thing is that on the way home I told myself I will change this. My worth and confidence will no longer be rooted in pride. I won´t be scared of making mistakes nor, what´s even more terrifying, facing the consequences. Often times, consequences to mistakes involve someone else´s feelings. In this occasion, it was my mom´s, whom I knew would forgive me and laugh it off, and my dad´s, whom I knew would be mad, and could express it in many different ways that can really twist my guts and make me feel horrible (even tho that is absolutely not his intention, he just doesn´t know bottling up his emotions doesn´t mean he is completely hiding them). The second I am always very scared of. That is the reason why I hate telling my dad things. I never know how he´ll react. I dread it. But that is cowardly. And I told myself I will be brave, I will do this. So instead of hiding the truth from my dad until he somehow found out, I resolved I would tell him upfront, and if he did something that made me feel shit I would forgive him, and if he was brutally mad I would stand up for myself. The problem is that this resolution took me about 40 minutes (all the way home from the hospital where I made my oopsie) and when I told him he was indeed mad, not just because of the mistake itself, but because I had waited so long to tell him. I am trying to forgive myself, because after all I am not used to being brave, that is not my instinct, it took me 40 minutes to calm down, let the stream of tears go away, and come to a good decision. I am hoping in the future being brave will come to my mind much sooner than the panic and the tears and the fear, and I will own up to my mistakes much faster. But today, this is all I could achieve. I am feeling very guilty. And my mind tortured me in fifty different ways before I could calm down (such as the thoughts "they will never trust you again with serious things" "this is why they treat you like a child" "your sister never makes mistakes like this one, and if she does she knows how to solve them" "x person you envy so much would never make a mistake like this because she is all the things you are not" "you shouldn´t have come with dad, you weren´t of any help, you just gave him trouble") But I am glad I tried. I try to feel good for having been brave (braver than usual, certainly not braver than most) but the feeling is not stronger than the guilt. Yet, it is there, and that is enough for now.

Things I want to mention in the next session:

I hate making mistakes and owning up to them, BUT I fought it!

I compare myself a lot (I will not mention the mild eating disorder I had as a teenager unless the therapist asks)

What can I do with the unpleasant feelings I cannot express? I know I recognize what trigger them. I don´t want to bottle them up (not like I could anyway) but I want to be in a good mood for the sake of the people around me (often my family) and also for my own sake because life is too short to live it at the expense of my feelings and bad times and hard times. I want to choose happiness

My thoughts tend to spiral. A lot. In a bad direction

I have envy issues. Ugly issues. I don´t want to envy every person I´ve loved because it is destroying me.

Things to try:

All the exercises the therapist has given me

Maybe looking for self-regulation techniques?

MORE oopsies and MORE owning up to them (facing the consequences)

Definitely gentle self talk.

[pretendcottagelady]

Jasmine Tea Instructions

Do Not pour boiling water when seeping! Seep for 1-3 minutes.

or seep to preferred taste 3 min too short.

[lipstickontheglass1985]

dear dream jounal. today i had a dream that i was having an abortion

[cheezpectations]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[russianreader]

Native Tongues

The percentage of schoolchildren in the Russian Federation studying native tongues other than Russian halved between 2016 and 2023. Instruction in thirty-eight languages ceased altogether. Experts argue that this situation was caused by a whole slew of problems, including a downturn in interest in native languages, a decrease in the number of lessons taught in them, a shortage of teachers, and an…

[astrangelittlefool]

God really nerfed me with the double whammy of "needs very specific instructions on how to do literally anything" and "has dogshit memory and will ask for the same clarifications every single time"

[fozmeadows]

the older I get, the more the technological changes I've lived through as a millennial feel bizarre to me. we had computers in my primary school classroom; I first learned to type on a typewriter. I had a cellphone as a teenager, but still needed a physical train timetable. my parents listened to LP records when I was growing up; meanwhile, my childhood cassette tape collection became a CD collection, until I started downloading mp3s on kazaa over our 56k modem internet connection to play in winamp on my desktop computer, and now my laptop doesn't even have a disc tray. I used to save my word documents on floppy discs. I grew up using the rotary phone at my grandparents' house and our wall-connected landline; my mother's first cellphone was so big, we called it The Brick. I once took my desktop computer - monitor, tower and all - on the train to attend a LAN party at a friend's house where we had to connect to the internet with physical cables to play together, and where one friend's massive CRT monitor wouldn't fit on any available table. as kids, we used to make concertina caterpillars in class with the punctured and perforated paper strips that were left over whenever anything was printed on the room's dot matrix printer, which was outdated by the time I was in high school. VHS tapes became DVDs, and you could still rent both at the local video store when I was first married, but those shops all died out within the next six years. my facebook account predates the iphone camera - I used to carry around a separate digital camera and manually upload photos to the computer in order to post them; there are rolls of undeveloped film from my childhood still in envelopes from the chemist's in my childhood photo albums. I have a photo album from my wedding, but no physical albums of my child; by then, we were all posting online, and now that's a decade's worth of pictures I'd have to sort through manually in order to create one. there are video games I tell my son about but can't ever show him because the consoles they used to run on are all obsolete and the games were never remastered for the new ones that don't have the requisite backwards compatibility. I used to have a walkman for car trips as a kid; then I had a discman and a plastic hardshell case of CDs to carry around as a teenager; later, a friend gave my husband and I engraved matching ipods as a wedding present, and we used them both until they stopped working; now they're obsolete. today I texted my mother, who was born in 1950, a tiktok upload of an instructional video for girls from 1956 on how to look after their hair and nails and fold their clothes. my father was born four years after the invention of colour televison; he worked in radio and print journalism, and in the years before his health declined, even though he logically understood that newspapers existed online, he would clip out articles from the physical paper, put them in an envelope and mail them to me overseas if he wanted me to read them. and now I hold the world in a glass-faced rectangle, and I have access to everything and ownership of nothing, and everything I write online can potentially be wiped out at the drop of a hat by the ego of an idiot manchild billionaire. as a child, I wore a watch, but like most of my generation, I stopped when cellphones started telling us the time and they became redundant. now, my son wears a smartwatch so we can call him home from playing in the neighbourhood park, and there's a tanline on his wrist ike the one I haven't had since the age of fifteen. and I wonder: what will 2030 look like?

[whats-in-a-sentence]

Rhetoric of this kind had never been used by an arriving Governor before.

In order that no misapprehension may exist on this subject, he feels bound to declare that nothing which has been done In this Colony in former times, or in any other place or Colony whatsoever, would, in his opinion, be a justification for departing from the strict obedience which is due to the order of Her Majesty's Government.

"Killing for Country: A Family History" - David Marr

[diobrando]

Day 2 and surviving off of only 1 meal