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crushedbyhyperbole · 4 years

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In His Lap

A/N: Written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club Drunk Drabble prompt by anon:

I am so sorry that I don’t seem to be able to grasp the concept of a drabble. I literally started writing and ended up with 1.3k oopsy!

There will probably be a smutty follow-on from this but this one is more soft and fluffy. Link to follow-on smut piece at the bottom.

Warnings: plus size reader, mentions of a break-up, theme park ride related adrenaline, hints of horniness and mutual attraction, Bucky is the proactive type ;)

Alternate Universe; a new theme park you’d been itching to go to with your boyfriend Rob had opened a few months ago. Themed around space, physics and quantum mechanics, it was right up your street. In fact, you just about had a nerdgasm when you managed to get tickets, one for you, Rob and your two best friends (Zara and Rachel). You had booked the weekend off work, Rob planned to drive and you were going to stay in a hotel nearby to get best use out of your weekend passes. And even when Rachel dropped out, you were beyond excited!

Only, You and Rob weren’t together now and you and Zara weren’t friends anymore, and yes the two cases were related. Cheating scum and back-stabbing snakes belonged together, you thought bitterly. But that hadn’t stopped you from going and you were determined to enjoy this trip even if you were alone, after all, Alternate Universe was on your bucket list.

You spent the whole morning following your carefully constructed plan of how to get around as many rides as possible and you’d had an amazing time despite feeling a little self-conscious squeezing into the seats on some of the rides and not collecting many memorabilia photo’s because, well, it was just you. You visited rides called Quarks, Entropy, The Black Hole, Terminal Velocity, Newton’s Cradle and were queuing for The Photon.

The warnings for this ride were off the charts, more strict than normal on account of the fact that the carriages of this rollercoaster freely orbited the track on a circular rail. You were both nervous and excited.

You swallowed dryly when you reached the front of the queue and you were told that you could only ride in pairs. Everyone around you were in even numbers and a call was put out for any solo riders to step forward. Your palms grew sweaty and your heart raced. Already embarrassed by the attention you were drawing, you hoped people weren’t looking at you thinking you were too large for this ride.

Finally there was a murmur, someone from the back was being escorted through the throngs of people to the front, a tall man in dark jeans and a red Henley, with long-ish hair and shoulders broad enough to make even you look petite. You did a double-take – he was stunning with sharp blue eyes and a strong jaw covered in soft-looking stubble.

The seat was a cushioned bench where riders would sit with their feet on either side, one in the back and one in front.

“You wanna take the front? I’m a bit,” you gestured to your plumpness, “round.”

“I’ll take the back.” The man’s eyes twinkled as he stepped in ahead of you and, once seated, offered his hand to help you inside. “I’d hate to squash you.” His breath puffed against your ear sending a tingle down your spine.

“I’ll try to sit forward.” You reassured him, worried you’d break his ribs if you put too much weight on him.

When the safety bars were pushed into place you were slammed back against his chest with a squeal and he laughed.

“Sorry.” You whimpered.

“Hey,” he squeezed your shoulder gently, “just relax. I’m good back here. You just enjoy yourself.”

You didn’t know what to say so you nodded and tried not to lean on him too much while you waited for the other carriages to be loaded.

“I’m Bucky, by the way,” he said softly.

“Y/n.” You glance over your shoulder to see his lips pull up at one side in a devastatingly cute smile. Your mouth went dry and you tried to control your breathing. You did not just instantly develop a crush on a complete stranger.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He reached to shake your hand. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s a sweet lady like you doing here all on her own?” You didn’t mind as much as you thought you would, so you told him your story, earning a curse from him and a promise of broken legs for your ex.

The mechanical lock on the bars pushed the padded brace harder against your chest, squashing you back further against the solid wall of man behind you. You groaned at the feel of his thighs on either side of your hips and his body heat penetrating through your t-shirt.

You squeaked when the ride kicked in, the ratchet picking up the contact and pulling your carriage forward with a jolt.

“You ok there, sweetheart?” Bucky seemed genuinely concerned.

You nodded silently, not trusting your voice right then. When the carriage reached the top the carriage would be in free motion, it would swing upside down and all sorts as it followed the tracks at high speed. You began to shake, adrenaline flooding your system.

“Hey,” Bucky soothed, resting a hand on your shoulder to lean you back the few inches that remained between you, “I got you, just relax, ok?”

You did as he asked and laid back against him, not worrying about crushing him, enjoying the feel of him at your back. You might have sighed when the carriage neared the top of the incline, the view was spectacular.

“So beautiful.” You sighed.

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled, “and the view ain’t half bad either.”

For a split second you forgot where you were, the perilous drop in front of you loomed and as the feeling of free-fall kicked in you gasped and tried to back up.

The sound of Bucky’s moan was lost under the gasps and giggles you made as the ride whipped you around and spun you upside down. Bucky’s hands were on your hips encouraging you to lean with him to spin the carriage upside down at every opportunity. Your shrieks and laughter spurring him on.

Three minutes and fifty seconds of pure joy and excitement later the carriage air-braked, sending you forward into the restraints but Bucky held himself back so as not to crush you.

“That was so much fun! I really wanna do that again!” You laughed, looking back over your shoulder to see a strange look on his face. You worried maybe you’d hurt him. “Sorry if I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, sweetheart,” Bucky said, giving your hip a squeeze, “but I’m feelin’ some kind of way and I’m tryin’ to be a gentleman about it.” He shifted his hips away from your lower back slightly.

Your mouth flapped awkwardly and you didn’t know what to say.

The bars suddenly released themselves and you jumped to your feet trying not to meet his gaze, which was intently fixed on you. You had one foot out of the carriage when he reached for your hand.

“Before you go and I never see you again, I gotto ask,” Bucky locked eyes with you and your heart jumped a mile, “I know we just met but I’d really like it if you’d have lunch with me.”

“Why would you want…?”

“Sweetheart,” he stood and offered you his elbow in a gentlemanly gesture that was so far removed from what you were used to that you couldn’t help but accept. “Trust me when I say that I want to, ok?”

“Ok,” you agreed with a firm nod, “but I have my day all mapped out, and for lunch I was gonna go to Schrodinger’s cat café.” You bit your lip nervously as if it was some cringy thing he’d never agree to.

“Deal,” Bucky’s grin faded to hunger as he watched your mouth, “you’re really somethin’ else, you know that right?”

You simpered as he led you away.

“I can’t believe you literally fell right into my lap.”

Follow -on smutty drabble: Ride of Your Life >>>

#hbc drunk drabbles #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky barnes x you #not a drabble #im sorry #my writing #plus size reader #cloudy's writing

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imagine-loki · 4 years

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Loki's Daughter

TITLE: Loki’s Daughter CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 3: Ice & Volcanoes AUTHOR: traveling-classicist ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Avengers: Endgame AU Loki that gets away with tesseract has been using it to explore the universe. During his adventures, he comes across a little girl with developing but oppressed magical abilities. Intrigued (and subconsciously lonely) Loki keeps her around.

RATING: Mature for triggering content

AO3 LINK: Here NOTES/WARNINGS: Please, let me know in the comments if the pacing feels right for this story. Is it too fast or too slow or just right? Do you like the length of the chapters? Too long or too short or just right?

Trigger warnings one last time (they apply to the whole fic): -Child slavery (this topic is being explored throughout the story) Nota bene: I promise I’m not making Loki enslave any children, that’s not our guy -Mental illness including mentions of schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety -Mentions of past torture and abuse: physical, emotional, and mental

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On the other side of the portal, Loki’s feet sank into deep, deep snow. His heart sank with them. He looked around in disappointment. He was waist deep in snow drift and all around him was a dessert of snow dunes for miles, save for a small outcropping of rock in the distance.

“Oh no,” he said. “Please, don’t tell me this is Jotunheim.” He looked up to the sky. Two large planets orbited closely in the sky. Auroras flitted across the sky in ribbons of green and purple and pink. Loki let a relieved huff. Jotunheim was not orbited by any other planets. So, at least it wasn’t that monstrous realm.

He glared at the tesseract. “This is not funny,” he growled at it. A glimmer flashed up at his face inside the cube. He thought this was the stone’s way of laughing at him for thinking he could fully control its powers without a true harness. In truth, he was often just along for the ride during jumps. Occasionally, he could get the tesseract to behave and follow his will, but he didn’t always get what he wanted.

Loki felt a shivering arise on his chest and suddenly remembered Kuna. He looked down. She was shaking in his arms from the cold. Her lips had turned blue and frost was beginning to build up on her eyelashes and matted hair.

“Shit!” Loki said. He looked around, desperately. He squinted into the distance and found the rocky outcropping again. A single cluster of peaks, clawing their way out of the snow. Perhaps, they could get behind it to shelter themselves from the wind at the very least. He put the tesseract away and removed his cape from his shoulders, wrapping the child in it. He pulled it up over her head and held her close to him.

“I’m hardly one to keep you warm, either,” he muttered. Her teeth chattered. There was no way they could jump again. At least not for a while. Loki was surprised she had not passed out from the jump. The tesseract had a perverse way of seeking out physical weakness and exploiting it, often until death or madness.

He trudged through the snow, holding Kuna just above its surface. The trek was hard and exhausting. He too was feeling the fatigue of two large jumps in a single day as well as the faint dizziness of intoxication. The wind whipped at his hair and howled in his ears.

Slowly, they were approaching the rocky outcropping, rising out of the snow. Loki thought it must have been the peak of a tall mountain that had been buried over years and years of constant snow. The driving wind had whipped up snow all along the frontward face and along its sides.

As he approached the side of the peak, the snow rose up in a tall drift. His legs were growing tired and heavy. They were starting to burn from the exertion of plowing a path through the snow and he was breathing hard, his breath creating aggressive clouds of mist in front of him, condensing and freezing on his eyelashes. Kuna was barely alive on his chest. It had taken him nearly an hour to get this far. If she wasn’t hypothermic yet, she would be soon.

“My lineage could not have at least given me the power to walk on top of this wretched stuff?” he shouted at the snow, but the wind whipped his voice away. Kuna flinched in his arms and let out a shuddering breath. He trudged on, groaning with effort. He tried to keep his eyes on the horizon so he didn’t have to see how slowly he was moving.

He was approaching the top of the snow drift that surrounded the peak. As he reached the top, he could see a massive bowl of snow and rock below him, created by the swirling wind behind the mountain. He looked for a way down. He could see a rough crack in the rock of the mountain. Hoping it was a cave they could take shelter in, he took a step forward to get a better look. Suddenly, the snow gave way from under his feet and sent both he and Kuna tumbling down a massive mountain side, into the crater below. Loki hit the snow hard and bounced, letting go of Kuna. He heard her cry out as she tumbled down the hill in front of him.

Loki bounced down the mountain, hitting mounds of snow, ice, and the occasional bare patch of rock. Suddenly, he was soaring through the air with nothing to catch him but the snow at the base of the mountain. He slammed into its surface. It felt like hitting concrete at terminal velocity. He sank deep into the snow and blacked out.

He came to a moment later in the dark and panicked. He didn’t like tight places. He stood and looked up at the Loki-shaped hole in the snow he had left. The surface was at least ten feet above his head. Filled with a sudden dread, he looked around, panicked.

“Where’s the tesseract?” he said aloud. He felt his jacket but then concentrated and revealed the tesseract from the safety of his pocket. He sighed, relieved. At least he could still get away from this awful planet. Another dreadful thought nagged at him. He tried to shrug it away when he gasped.

“Oh shit! The kid!” She wasn’t in the hole with him. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Kuna!” He listened but there was no answer above the wind. “Kuna!” he shouted again. There was no response. “Shit. Shit. Shit!” he said, pacing back and forth in his tiny, snowy cell.

He touched the snow, trying to find a hold to climb out but the snow gave way. He fell backwards and landed on his bum. He looked down at his hands. They were turning blue, not from the cold, but from his Jotun blood. He hissed at them and tried make it stop by folding has hands under his arms. He revealed the tesseract from his pocket again.

“Of all the places in this universe, you had to teleport us to this frozen Hel!” he shouted at the tesseract. It glimmered at him.

“You are going to listen to me this time and you are going to teleport me up there to get that kid. Understand?”

It glimmered once more. He closed his eyes and focused on where he wanted to go. The vapors swirled around him and he reappeared on top of the snow. He opened his eyes. He could see the hole he had made when he fell, just a few feet away.

“That’s right, you stupid piece of…” he grumbled, his words lost to the wind. He put the cube away and called out again, “Kuna? Kuna! Where are you? Are you dead?”

A little mound of snow shifted a few feet to his right. “Ah, there you are,” he said, running over to it. He dipped his blue hands into the snow but they clasped nothing. He backed away as the mound of snow began to grow. Bewildered, he staggered backwards. The mound grew and grew, forming arms and legs and a chest and a head and a great, gaping maw.

“That’s bad,” he said. The snow monster roared at him. “That’s bad!” he shouted as he ran away. The monster chased after him, roaring as it stomped through the snow. “We are going to have to have a serious talk about where you teleport me because this is not working!” Loki yelled at the tesseract.

As he ran, more of the monsters began to appear, sprouting out of the snow like monstrous daisies. They surrounded him, backing him up against the bare rock wall of the mountain. He took a stance, ready to fight with whatever magic he could conjure. The snow monsters were closing in on him, when he saw Kuna rise from the snow behind them.

She was shaking and half frozen but alive. The monsters had not yet seen her. Loki made a motion for her to get down. One monster took this as a threat and stomped towards Loki, swinging it’s club like arm at him. It struck Loki and he went flying through the air, hitting the rocky wall and landing face first on the ground.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” Kuna shouted and threw her hands out in front of her. From them, came a silvery flash of magic, from what Loki could tell. For a split second, it did not seem to have done anything but then the monsters were hit with an incredibly powerful wall of wind. Some were exploded on the spot, turning into flurries of snowflakes, while others were blown into chunks of snow and ice that landed all around Loki.

From where Kuna had been, a spine-tingling shriek arose. Kuna fell over backwards, writhing in pain and crying. Had she been hit by them? Loki couldn’t tell. He glanced around them and saw the crack in the rock face to his left big enough for him to fit through. He jumped to his feet and ran past the snow monsters, some of whom were starting to put themselves back together, and scooped the screaming Kuna up out of the snow.

“Oh, we’ve got to move!” he said, just as one snowman had put himself back together. The others were still struggling, some with arms where legs should have been and arms where bodies needed to be. Kuna passed out in his arms as he ran for the crack in the wall. He shimmied through it, holding Kuna tight to his chest. “I will not be killed by a snowman!” Loki muttered.

The snowmen were clawing at the entrance. One began to shrink down to a size that could fit through the crack. He made a swipe at Loki. Loki put up his blue hand in defense and was surprised when a spray of ice erupted from it, blocking the entrance and turning the snowman to solid ice. Loki pulled a throwing knife from the belt on his back and threw it at the frozen head of the beast; it burst into a million pieces. Kuna came to in his arms again and cried out.

“It’s alright,” Loki said. “It’s just me.”

They pushed out of the narrow entrance and into a dark room. He set Kuna down on the ground for a moment to cast a spell to light the room. The motion made her head spin. She lurched forward and started gagging. Heaving, she vomited up the apples and bread Loki had fed her earlier. She shuddered half from the sick and half from the cold and pain still permeating her tiny body.

“Oh no!” she cried. She pulled herself to her hands and knees and started to cover up the sick with the snow and dirt that covered the floor. “I’m sorry, Mr. Loki. I’ll make it go away. I didn’t mean to, sir,” she said, frantic.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “It’s not your fault.” She was swaying back and forth, her teeth chattering, her whole body trembling. “It’s alright, Kuna,” he said, reaching for her in the dark. “I think we’re safe now.”

He cast a candlelight spell and a small orb of light floated from his hands, illuminating the dark room. It was covered in solid, blue ice. Loki turned back to Kuna and tried to pick her back up again. She gasped and recoiled from him.

“You’re blue!” she cried. “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

He looked down at his hand. The blue pigment was dark against the blue of the ice. Small, raised scars covered his hand and fingers in semi-circular patterns. He withdrew his hand and stared at Kuna.

“I’m - I’m sorry,” he said.

She tried to stand but her legs gave out beneath her. She crawled on all fours over to his leg. He took an apprehensive step backwards. Was she afraid of him? She put her arms around his leg and hugged him.

“I’ll keep you warm, Loki,” she said.

Loki sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked at his hands a moment. His whole body must have changed, revealing his Jotun form. And she thought it was because he was freezing to death. He crouched. He was afraid to touch her. He had seen what Jotuns could do with a single touch. She looked up at him and then buried her head into his knee.

“It’s not because I’m cold, Kuna,” he said, gently raising her head. “You’re freezing, though. I need to find a way to keep you warm.”

He picked her up again and walked through the room. There was a large, door-like opening on one side. He walked through, cautiously, making sure there were no more snowmen anywhere. Those must have been the planet’s natives, he thought to himself.

The passage began to darken but the candlelight lazily floated a few feet in front of Loki. Thankfully, this passage was much wider than the last and both Loki and Kuna could fit through without hugging the walls. The ice was thick and translucent blue. Loki could see that it was quite pure, free from air bubbles and debris. When he looked into it, it was as if he could see through the ice for miles. It’s warbled surface only enhanced the effect. The candlelight reflected off each divot and palm of the ice. The blue ice soon gave way to black rock and warm air. Once again, the passage widened in front of them, revealing an astonishing cavern structure.

Huge, clear stalactites hung down from the ceiling. Below them, large crystalline stalagmites rose from the ground. Some pairs connected in the midair, creating massive crystal pillars that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. He walked out into the center of the large room. The candlelight he had conjured floated about, casting iridescent shadows on the walls through the crystals.

“Look at this,” he said.

Kuna weakly raised her head and blinked, amazed at what she saw. Loki pressed his hand to one of the crystals. He could feel a lovely, energetic vibration that made his aura feel balanced and warm. He looked to the back of the cavern. It did not seem to lead anywhere, and they appeared to be completely alone in the room. Satisfied with their safety, Loki found a good place to set Kuna down. She no longer had the strength to sit up and collapsed onto the floor. Loki gently lowered her down. She closed her eyes.

This was bad, Loki thought to himself. She would die in here if he didn’t come up with some way to save her. He looked around. Of all the places to perish, this wasn’t so bad. He shook his head, removing the dark thought from his mind.

He conjured up a blanket from his pocketverse and laid it over Kuna. As he stooped, he could feel a warmth radiating up from the cracks in the ground. A warmth from deep, deep below them.

“Mmm,” he muttered. “Volcanic.” Anciently volcanic but volcanic, nonetheless. He then looked back up at the structures above him and chuckled, realizing what they were. “Well, little one, I think we hit the jackpot here. I think these are diamonds.”

Kuna looked around her in wonder. Diamonds? They were so big. The biggest diamond she had ever seen was the one in Master Machaluci’s chest. He was her tenth master and a very, very rich man; the son of the richest man in their whole solar system. He had the diamond embedded into his chest, just below his collarbone so everyone would see it when he entered a room. He said it was the biggest diamond in the universe, but these diamonds were much, much bigger.

She was so tired. Her head hurt, and her limbs hurt, and her body hurt, and her stomach hurt. She hurt. Too tired to keep her head up anymore, she laid back down and stared at Loki’s boots.

He was worried about her. What was he going to do? How could he save her?

Why would you want to? the voice, again. It rose from inside him like the head of a serpent.

“Stop,” Loki uttered, inaudible to the now sleeping Kuna.

Why not just leave her here.

“Go away,” Loki hissed.

It’s just a child. Why do you care so much?

“Leave me alone,” Loki said, a little louder to assert himself over himself. He put his hands on his head and squeezed hard. He snapped his eyes shut and concentrated, focusing all his mental power on pushing the voice as deep down into his subconscious as possible.

She’ll die. Take it as a blessing. What would we do with a child anyways?

Loki shook his head. He wasn’t listening.

Or… we could put her out of her misery. That’s all she’s ever felt anyways. She wouldn’t know the difference. It would be merciful. We would be her savior.

Loki felt sick to his stomach. “No,” he whined, squeezing harder to make the voice go away.

Or have you gone soft?

Loki opened his eyes, indignantly. “I am not soft,” he said, strongly, his eyes darkening.

Prove it.

Loki conjured his dagger and turned back towards the sleeping Kuna. His breath came heard, like avalanches of cold air. He squeezed the handle of the blade. Kuna’s back rose and fell with her breathing. They were long and drawn out. She was peaceful.

We’ll make it quick. She won’t feel it.

Loki took a step forward and then withdrew hard, reeling back and slamming against a diamond pillar. He gripped the dagger so hard that he felt the pain of his burn beginning to radiate up his arm again. He dropped it at the pain, and it fell with a thud on the cavern floor, filling the hall with a dull echo. His attention snapped back to the sleeping girl. Her face contorted with the disturbance, but she continued sleeping.

Loki shook his head maniacally, trying to shake the voice out of his ears.

You’re weak, it said.

He smashed his hands against his ears and quickly stalked back towards the ice room. The candlelight followed its master, floating lazily above his head. He wanted to scream but he knew its echoes would wake the girl.

You’re pathetic! You couldn’t kill your ridiculous brother and now you can’t even kill a child? What kind of a warrior king are you?

“I am a remorseless assassin,” Loki said through gritted teeth. “A king doesn’t kill needlessly.”

Odin does, it mocked him.

“Argh!” Loki picked up a piece of ice and threw it has hard as he could. It collided with the wall and shattered, sending strange, otherworldly echoes through the chamber.

How impressive. Just like the ‘Mighty Thor’.

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” Loki said, pacing back and forth with his hands on his ears. Ice melted from his hand, down his wrist and under his armored bracer. He pulled his hand away from his head and looked at it.

The cold snow felt good on the burn. He walked to the wall and placed his hand on it. His hand was still blue. He turned his head away so he didn’t have to look at it. Despite the disdain he felt for the color of his skin, he liked the feeling of the ice on it. It brought him to a calmer state. He’d always felt comfort from the cold. It was only until recently that he knew why.

Little baby frost giant, the voice mocked him again.

“Ugh,” Loki crouched and then flopped onto his back, his legs splayed across the ground. He closed his eyes and imagined himself in his mind grabbing the voice by the throat and shoving it back into the pit he had dug for it long ago.

So angry, it teased from the hole as he locked it in again with an imaginary heavy metal lid.

He sighed heavily. The muscles in his jaw tightened and released. He tried to distract himself again from the voice. He thought about the two larger planets that he had seen looming in the sky when they arrived. One was gaseous, clearly not habitable, but the other looked life sustaining. Loki remembered seeing water on it and land too.

He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling, he noticed a small hole in its surface. That must have been how this room stayed so icy compared to the one next to it. The more habitable planet was blocking most of the hole. He could just make out webs of electric light on the planet’s surface. Civilized life. As his eyes focused on the hospitable planet, he caught a few flickering tendrils of a corona peeking out from behind it.

“Ah,” he breathed. It made sense now. This planet was blocked by an eternal chthonic eclipse created by the other planet orbiting between this one and their sun. Their orbits must have mirrored each other so perfectly that this planet rarely saw any sunlight, hence the snowy dessert outside. He closed his eyes again and concentrated deeply.

Far, far beneath him, he could feel the roiling chaos of an incredibly active and angry subterranean volcanic core. He let out a soft chuckle at the irony. This volcano likely made up the whole planet, and probably had the power to destroy it. Yet, its unfortunate orbit kept the planet’s surface in a deep freeze, effectively capping the volcano, forcing it to become dormant.

“I will bury you, like that planet buried this volcano,” he told the voice in his head. He said it aloud too, for good measure, ensuring the voice knew he was serious.

“Loki?” he heard a soft, exasperated cry from within the other room and was on his feet in seconds, making his way back through the tunnel to Kuna. The candlelight lazily followed him back again, illuminating the room and revealing a terrified and crying Kuna.

She sniffled hard and struggled even to cry through the spasms of her lungs. She thought Loki had left her. Left her there to die. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t! He’d be breaking a pinky swear and that was the worst crime in the whole entire universe.

When he reappeared in the cave and the light followed him in again, she was surprised, relieved, and scared all at once. Being left alone in the dark terrified her immensely because it reminded her of being locked in the box when she had misbehaved or angered one of her masters. She did not like the dark.

“I – I – I thought – you – left me!” she said between sobs.

“No, no. I’m right here, aren’t I?” he said, softly, kneeling next to her. “That would mean I’d break my promise. And that would be really bad. Like universally, cosmically, magically bad.”

She wept and grabbed at his coat, putting her head on his chest and sobbed. Loki was not quite sure what to do. If he touched her, would she jump? He gingerly lowered his hand onto her back. She flinched out of habit but did not pull away. He gently rubbed her back until she began to calm down.

“I just went into the other room and put some ice on my hand,” he explained. He felt a distant tremor in the depths of his mind, as the voice smashed into the heavy metal lid of the pit he had locked him in, reminding him of the real reason he had gone in there. He shook his head a little. It was easier now to shake away the feeling when the voice was locked away.

“See. Look,” he went on. “It already feels much better.” He showed her his hand.

She wiped away her tears with her hands and looked. His hand was blue, like the ice they had walked through. She could still see the darkened, wrinkles of the burn but it looked as if it had nearly healed. And it had. The ice seemed to magically revive his injured hand. That and his increased healing factor.

She sniffled again. A couple tears fell from her eyes and landed on Loki’s palm. She rubbed her face again to remove any more tears that wanted to fall. She reached to take his hand but he pulled away. She looked up at him. His eyes were crimson and his skin that haunting blue color. He had markings that wound across his forehead and face. She cocked her head to one side.

“Why are you blue now?” she asked, weakly.

“Um, it’s - it’s a long story,” Loki said. “It should go away soon, I think. I should go back to normal. I’m sorry my visage scared you.”

“I’m not scare of you, Loki,” she said, sniffling. “I was worried about you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said, giving her a little smile. “I’m not going to leave you here.”

He raised his hand to the back of the girl’s head and gently patted it. She put her head back down on his shoulder and relaxed. He could feel her heartbeat. It was weak. Her breath came short with long intervals in between. She was dying. From her bodily weakness, from the accidental alcohol poisoning, from the jumps, from the cold and the fall, and likely, from whatever pain using the magic had caused her.

Loki looked around the room, trying to come up with a plan to save the little girl who had saved him. His eyes landed wearily on the fallen dagger at the foot of the diamond column. He looked away and held the dying child in his arms.

#Loki #God of Mischief #Father #Others #submission #traveling-classicist #chapter 3 #Loki's Daughter

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jq37 · 5 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 6

The Fall of Fabian Seacaster

OK, let’s do this.

We pick back up with Kristen and Riz who are still outside Garthy’s room. Kristen’s Detect Good and Evil from last week pings Garthy as well as the general aura of the Golden Gardens which is protected in the way a sanctum sanctorum would be but with celestial energy. Riz and Kristen improvise a not super cogent plan that involves ribbon dancing and knocking over barrels before Riz just decides to cut to the chase and ask Garthy’s guards to send for Sandra-Lynn. Once she comes out (still looked sexed up and pretty annoyed) they’re not quite sure what to ask her and Riz wants to bail but Kristen (who has cast Zone of Truth, tried to muscle into Garthy’s house, and gotten smacked down physically by Sandra-Lynn) says that she’s worried about Sandra-Lynn because she’s “not poly but [she’s] acting poly.” Being directly called out is enough to snap Sandra-Lynn out of it (and to think about Fig’s reaction) so she agrees to get her stuff and come back to the gang’s suite.

Meanwhile, Fabian is hanging out with Bill’s cult of 20-ish warlocks. They’re all super glad to see Fabian--who they assume has been sent by Bill to help them--and they want him to regale them with the tale of how he slew his father in battle. Fabian tells them the story which, as you all know, isn’t a story about besting his father in a hard-fought battle so much as it is about a story about bittersweet mercy killing. They are less than impressed, especially considering they want Fabian to defeat Captain James Wicklaw who has promised to kill all of Bill’s followers. Ego stung, Fabian says that he may not have bested his father but he did (help) kill a dragon and, more importantly, he’s gonna lead them into an ambush against Captain Wicklaw (who he sees, presumably looking for him, with 30 men).

Oh boy.

Fabian telepathically alerts the Hangman that he’s about to get into a big fight before slamming down a door and full-out attacking Captain Wicklaw. He’s able to get a good couple of attacks in and Wicklaw misses his first couple of attacks but then Fabian fails an intelligence save with a Nat 1 and gets stunned while Wicklaw tries to open his skull and eat his brain.

Meanwhile with the rest of the Bad Kids, the Hangvan alerts Gorgug that the Hangman has sped off and everyone assumes Fabian is in trouble. They all do their best to get to him as quickly as possible and, even though these scenes are intercut with Fabian’s I’m going to summarize them all at once:

Fig (w/ Gorgug in tow) Dimension Doors as close to the Hangman as she can. Then, Gorgug has the idea to try the classic pirate move of grabbing a rope, cutting the weight, and instantly flying to where on the ship you want to go. They try that and begin flying towards Fabian at terminal velocity, both dislocating their arms. Fig passably disguises herself as Jemina Joy (even with quadruple disadvantage) and tries to get a wizard to teleport her to where Fabian is but they’re going way too fast for anyone to hear her. Gorgug (also with quad disadvantage) tries to throw a hand axe and, on a nat 1, almost cuts the rope they’re swinging on.

Gilear is fully passed after a back-slap from Fig.

Adaine casts fly on Riz (because his rogue speed means he can make the most use of it) so he can go get Garthy to see if they have any teleport spells. Then, she gets on Baxter with Kristen and Sandra-Lynn (plus Tracker who follows in spectral wolf form). Kristen tries to bring up Sandra-Lynn’s relationship stuff again and Adaine casts Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on her. Adaine tries to pull from the jacket to get something to help her get to Fabian faster and she gets a Razor scooter.

Ragh drives the Hangvan towards Fabian’s.

Riz finds Garthy who takes him to a room, pops out neon angel wings, and does some kind of teleport spell that almost seems like it moves the space closer to them rather than the reverse.

But, none of this really matters because Brennan says none of them will be able to make it to Fabian before 22 rounds of combat. Woof.

Still in the first round of combat, 2 of the warlocks manage to hit Wicklaw and break Fabian out of his grapple (right after Wicklaw says that he’s eaten many of Fabian’s siblings but let’s put a pin in that because we have so much to get through here). Fabian declares that all spells are on him for the remainder of the fight (which is maybe the last funny thing he says all night). Then, 6 of the 20 warlocks on Fabian’s side die to gunshots from Wicklaw’s men. Fabian sends his men forward then falls back and attacks with his crossbow. Wicklaw mocks him for abandoning his crew so viciously that I feel like he should have spontaneously taken a level in bard. Brennan rolls for the ten still living pirates who never got names and only one survives. Then he rolls for the named pirates (Alistair and the three I haven’t mentioned yet because this episode is A Lot--Chungle-Down Bim, Old-Young Benjamin, and Creaky McBarrel) and only Creaky dies. In two rounds, Bill’s cult is down to four (plus one guy who peaced out after Fabian said he didn’t actually brutally murder his dad).

Fabian’s tactical retreat shakes the confidence of everyone but Alistair who stays loyal (even as he gets wrecked on his next attack on Wicklaw). Chungle-Down Bim is so disgusted by Fabian’s cowardice and performance that he tries to Eldritch Blast him and misses. He says, “Yeh ain’t no pirate and Bill would spit in yer eye.” Fabian has to hold back tears. He, with a heartbreaking mix of trepidation, reluctance, and resolve, asks if there are any ropes he can use to escape. Roll a perception check. He does.

Natural 1.

Sure, Brennan says. There’s a rope that looks like it will 100% guaranteed hold Fabian’s weight. Fabian goes for it--leaving behind a stunned and crushed Alistair--and finds that it’s actually a clothesline. He goes plummeting down a quarter-mile towards the ground but, before he actually hits, he hits a bunch of other ropes and, on his last possible chance, is able to save from splatting and taking max fall damage. Lou opts to take some damage anyway because he’d feel like he was cheating otherwise.

The rest of the group shows up through their various means and all immediately assume that Fabian got jumped. Fabian is meek in a way we’ve never seen before. I’m talking Adaine with Jawbone in Prompocolypse meek. He doesn’t tell them what happened and he answers all the questions with short yesses or no’s as much as possible. The healers heal him (plus Fig and Gorgug) up and take him back to the suite. The Hangman asks if he’s alright. “No Hangman,” he says. “It’s all bad.” Cathilda brings him kippers but he feels like he doesn’t deserve them.

Garthy has a little tete-a-tete with Fig about their tryst with Sandra-Lynn. Garthy is all about getting down but not if that person is in a monogamous relationship (even though they’re against them on principle). Fig (who has been avoiding her mom since the top of the ep) says she’s only mad at Sandra-Lynn (she says Sandra-Lynn, not Mom--oof) since Garthy didn’t know better. It just sucks that this happened to Jawbone. Jawbone as in Jawbone O'Shaughnessy? asks Garthy. Turns out he’s visited (many times) and they’ve boned (super hard) which, honestly, totally tracks.

Because she didn’t get a full night of sleep, Tracker can’t keep the Moon Haven spell up all night which isn’t great. Kristen can also gather than she’s too tired to remember anything that happened earlier in the night (ie: things about Sandra-Lynn and Jawbone). Fig, concerned that she might get mind controlled again without the Moon Haven up asks Adaine to tie her up (this actually happens before the above conversation with Garthy).

Sleeping arrangements are Fabian, the Hangman, and Riz as a bodyguard in one room and everyone else in another. Adaine trances a little early so she can regain her spells and be awake in case anything happens. Brennan makes everyone do wisdom saves. Kristen and Adaine roll high and Adaine gives her TWO (2) NAT 20 portent rolls to Fig and Gorgug. That leaves Riz and Fabian, but we’ll get to them in a minute.

Adaine wakes up from her trance and she sees Ragh get up early as well. He says he’s going to get some food. Adaine, vigilant as ever asks Ragh who his first kiss was. Ragh acts confused for a second, and then screeches and attacks her, waking everyone up. He’s been dominated. Adaine goes for a Tasha’s Hideous Laughter and subdues him. Also Fig is able to escape Adaine’s magical ropes so maybe she’s not the best person to do that next time.

Meanwhile, Fabian is having a nightmare. He dreams of Wicklaw trying to eat his brain and Chungle-Down spitting in his face and his betrayal of Alistair. He sees the ghosts of the warlock cultists entering hell and his disappointed father. And then, he’s approached by a man. A man with a familiar, non-threatening sounding, yogurt-offering voice. Fabian, like Adaine before, feels very strongly that if he looks at this man’s face, something terrible will happen but he does take the offered yogurt and agrees to go with him without looking at him. He’s taken to a lovely, sunny, kind of museum area dedicated to Bill Seacaster. Fabian thinks it’s very nice but he starts to notice that though there are many pictures of Bill and Hilariel, there are none of him. He asks why. The man says that Fabian needs to look at him. Fabian is hesitant. The man says that Fabian really needs to look at him. The yogurt in Fabian’s stomach curdles, weakening him (and me because yogurt grosses me out on the best of days and this is not the best of days). The man turns Fabian’s face to look at him and Fabian finds himself looking at a doughy, middle-aged Fabian Seacaster. He laughs hysterically and Fabian wakes up, plunged into the sea.

Elsewhere, Riz wakes up in his room. Fabian is gone, he’s paralyzed, the Hangman has been stabbed through by Fabian’s sword and is leaking oil, and Kalina is sitting on his bed. She was able to get in with the Moon Haven spell down. She speaks to him unsettlingly casually. She sounds almost friendly as she demands Riz and his friends stop looking for the Nightmare King’s crown on the pain of their lives. Riz, a grizzled old knight to his core like all of Murph’s characters, can’t wrap his head around why she would be doing this. It’s simple. Power. She psychologically toys with him, saying that Riz throws himself into his cases (which she seems to know quite a bit about) to distract himself from how sad he is about his dead dad. Then, she says that Fabian is in massive danger and if Riz doesn’t play ball (pun not intentional but it’s staying in), he’ll die. Riz assumes she knows where the Nightmare King’s crown is and she asks why he’s sure she knows which makes him think she actually doesn’t know. Riz, who sleeps with his sword because he’s rightfully paranoid, uses it to Misty Step outside but he’s still paralyzed so he just hits the ground and breaks his arm.

Kalina meets him outside, tells him Fabian is long gone, and tries to bargain with him: information about his dad for information about what he knows. Riz counter-offers that he’ll tell her about where the Nightmare King’s crown is if she guarantees his friends’ safety. She doesn’t care about the crown. She wants to know what Riz knows about her. Riz agrees (to save Fabian) and tells her everything he knows except that he withholds the information about Adaine’s mom being involved and tries to withhold the information he got from Ragh but he accidentally gives himself away without saying Ragh’s name. That’s enough for her to put two and two together though and she leaves to kill Ragh’s mom.

Back in the sea, Fabian has to make three Constitution checks. He rolls two nat 20s in a row for the first two and is rescued two flying imp monsters (presumably sent by Kalina) who drop him off at the edge of town. Fabian, absolutely destroyed, rips off his eyepatch and takes off his Owlbear jacket as he makes his way back. He rolls one last Constitution check. Nat 1. He’s got pneumonia. Cathilda shows up in the Hangvan to pick up Fabian.

The rest of the group is still shaken up by Ragh’s attack. They snap him out of it and someone gets Garthy. Post Riz’s encounter with Kalina, Ragh bursts in, devastated and says that someone from home called and said that his mom died. The whole group is immediately suspicious because--post Gorgug/Zelda debacle--they know they shouldn’t have signal. Ragh tries to call another number and all he hears is laughing on the other end. When Riz (healed up by Garthy) looks, he sees that his phone shows 5 bars for a second. Riz, Tracker, and Sandra-Lynn also see the flicker. Possibly illusion magic. Tracker and Garthy can also now suddenly see the Shadowcat in the picture (but it doesn’t seem like the rest of the Bad Kids can). Riz thinks Ragh’s mom is in serious danger but not dead yet.

Garthy has the idea to send the group to the Leviathan Library so maybe Adaine can learn a Sending Spell to communicate with their various parents and allies in Solace. They give Adaine a note that says to let the group safely use the library addressed to one Aida Aguefort.

Fig checks in with Sandra-Lynn to see if maybe she was under the influence of something more malevolent than alcohol when she cheated. Sandra-Lynn cries, and admits that she just F’d up but that they should deal with the problem at hand for now and that’s where we end, with the bulk of the group en route to the library.

Detention

Fabian for Everything

Oh Fabian.

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian.

I don’t think I have ever seen a series of events so driven by a single character’s careless actions.

Truly, almost every single bad thing that happened in this episode can be traced directly to Fabian losing his entire chill at the worst possible time.

All those warlocks, dead (And Alistair either dead, seriously hurt, or set on the path to show back up with a vendetta later on down the road).

Because Tracker didn’t get her 8 hours, she couldn’t do the Moon Haven properly which is why Ragh got mind-controlled, the Hangman got stabbed, and he got brain-jacked and dumped into the ocean.

It’s why Kalina got to Riz. It’s why Lydia’s in danger.

And it wasn’t just that what he did was dumb, it was also completely unnecessary. There was no plot reason for what he did and he wasn’t forced into it. It was a completely character driven decision and it was bad, y’all. It was pretty much an absolute fail parade.

Honor Roll

Brennan and Lou for Absolutely Stellar Roleplay

Everyone had their moments this episode.

Siobhan and Zac made some clever choices. Ally brought some needed levity. Emily subtly continued her emotional threads about Fig’s relationship with her mom and her distress over her actions while mind controlled. And Murph had that absolutely stellar scene in the back half of the back half of the ep with Kalina.

But Brennan and Lou 100% carried this episode.

Brennan is such a good DM that I feel like it’s almost easy to take for granted. Like, if you visit a town, you’re gonna talk about how how cool the shops, and food, and events were. Not about how well the roads are paved. But if the roads are all janky and potholed and stuff then it’s a big issue.

This episode clearly took a major turn from whatever was supposed to happen but Brennan deftly kept pace with all of Fabian’s wild choices and made sure the roads were paved before he got there.

So much of this episode was just Brennan talking to one other person (Fabian and then Riz during the Kalina scene) and he nailed all of it. The disgust from Chungle-Down. The betrayal from Alistair. The concern from Cathilda. The quiet but sinister lilt of Nightmare Fabian. And the affable, dispassionate, Just Business evil from Kalina.

And Lou. Everything Fabian did this episode was an extremely bad idea but it is exactly what Fabian would do in the situation. Lou played him completely consistently, even when it clearly pained him to do so.

When Lou rolled a nat 1 on his perception check for an escape rope, Brennan essentially handed him a fully loaded gun and said shoot yourself, and Lou grit his teeth and he did it.

Mad respect to both of them for keeping the tension and gravity going for a full three hours basically. That was lightning in a bottle. D&D is an amazing game.

Random Thoughts

I know there’s a significant chunk of the fandom that ships Riz and Fabian and, can I just say, RIP to y’all.

It really was narratively cool that we started out with the Sandra-Lynn plot in this crazy, over the top, comic scene and then ended with the quiet conversation between Fig and her mom on the same topic. It really was a through line throughout the episode without over-shadowing the main drama. This episode had a clear A and B plot just like a scripted show.

Also if Garthy is a powerful as Brennan is making them seem, wild that the NK and Kalina were able to bust through what is supposed to be super sanctified ground, especially since Tracker--a jr. cleric--has been keeping them at bay by herself.

Zac: This is a real Axford move.

Also Zac: I don’t understand what’s gonna happen if this goes well.

Riz and Murph Equally: We’re so stupid.

I think it’s funny how players in D&D tend to treat Zone of Truth like it forces them to spontaneously say things that are true rather than just preventing them from actively lying.

The kinda wild thing about how this whole mess started is that Fabian’s character development is part of why it happened. When he told the warlocks about the dragon and his dad, he gave everyone else their due credit, didn’t hog the spotlight, and didn’t lie/embellish the truth to make himself sound cooler. That in turn disappointed them which made him relapse into S1 Fabian who attacked Gorgug on the first day of school for absolutely no reason. I was actually going to give him major credit for that before he, you know. Made some other choices. He absolutely gushed about how cool his friends were and then invited exactly none of them to his terrible plan.

Lol at Lou being like, “I rolled to get Alistair to make a better speech?”

Bill’s cult of about 20 guys has collectively sent him like 350k gold. That’s insane! They’re all so poor!

Lou playing Fabian very confidently making an absolutely suicidal decision, and then surfacing to laugh hysterically for a full thirty seconds out of character about how he’s for sure gonna die, was such a mood. It was like Lou was being held at gunpoint by Fabian for the entire first half of the session.

Big props to Zac for trying to get everyone in on the action by suggesting the Hangvan would see that the Hangman was gone and let the group know.

OK, so now let’s talk about that line about Wicklaw having eaten many of Fabian’s siblings. Hoo boy. You know this episode was wild because that line was said and never followed up on. What might have been a headline in a different episode was a footnote in this one. No big surprise that Bill would have fathered a ton of kids. That pretty much tracks, as Adaine said last ep. I feel like this was something that was going to come up regardless, Fabian just forced it to be right then and there. This dude hates Bill so going after his kids seems like an obvious move (unless he’s bluffing I guess, but I doubt it). But, like, did Bill know about these kids? Was he fully ignorant? Willfully ignorant? Did they know they were Bill’s kids? Are there any left? Can Fabian please have a little pirate sister because I would love that so much you don’t even know.

You think Lou expected to say (loosely quoting), “I try not to cry in front of Chungle-Down Bim,” when he woke up that morning? Idk but I can tell you that I didn’t expect to hear it and feel strong emotions about it.

Chungle-Down Bim, which is short for Bimothy.

Lol, Brennan makes Emily rolls with Quadruple disadvantage and she still gets a 15 because she has a plus 11 to persuasion. No wonder she’s so quick to slam the disguise self button if there’s even a sliver of a chance it’ll work.

Adaine getting a useless Razor scooter on the way to try and help Fabian and then being like, “Well, I’m still gonna keep it,” was such a funny beat during the tenseness of that fight scene.

I need you guys to know that this is a mindflayer ability: Extract (Ex): An Illithid that begins its turn with all four tentacles attached and successfully maintains its hold automatically extracts the opponent’s brain, instantly killing that creature. Truly what was he thinking? You’re gonna eat his brain? Go ahead because he clearly isn’t using it!

You know the part of Princess Bride when Wesley is giving the “To the Pain” speech to Humperdinck? I feel like that’s what Brennan did to Fabian this episode. “Oh you think I’m going to kill you? No, that would be too easy. This fight is to the pain. You will watch your allies get slaughtered until you are forced to betray them or die. You will escape but in the most clownish fashion possible after breaking your most loyal ally’s heart. You will be beset by your concerned friends and forced to either own up to your horrible life choices or stew with them and lie by omission. You will be the reason your ultimate enemy is able to break in and attack your friends and you will be forced with your worst nightmare before being unceremoniously dumped into the sea. You won’t die. You’ll just wish you had.” Absolutely brutal.

Anyone else feeling a possible villain turn from Allistair? Dude’s a warlock so he’s already prone to dabbling in questionable power sources. And Fabian really did him dirty. I was hoping he’d at least get Kristen or Tracker to try to see if he was around anywhere for a heal but he just went into shellshock shutdown mode and they bounced. We didn’t see him die on screen so I feel pretty strongly that we’ll be seeing him again in some form.

Also, maybe I’m way off, but did you guys feel like Fabian missed a clear opportunity? I thought he was gonna ask his dad for help. Or, at least try and talk to him before the fight. Clearly it’s possible because the warlocks are doing it. Just pray for some infernal intervention or guidance or powers or something? Worth a shot when you’re in such a bad situation anyway.

Fabian never did tell the party what was going on. They all still think he was ambushed and forced into a fight somehow. I really can’t wait for the truth to come out. I wonder how long he’ll sit on that info. He better tell them before they fight Wicklaw again and they find out that way.

Every single player playing up their concern for Fabian and making a point to presume he was in the right and that it had been a wrong place/time situation to make him feel even more like garbage was *chefs kiss*.

The Hangman basically acting like a big metal dog and pressing itself up against Fabian to comfort him is weirdly adorable.

“Anyway, I’m gonna go get tied up.”/“What?”

Also I love Adaine’s reaction to being asked to do it. She’s like, “What? I mean, I’ll do it but, what?” Sidenote, Fig said she was gonna ask Riz as her first choice but that’s also a terrible choice! He has like a minus 2 strength modifier I think. Ask Gorgug!

Truly, the entire episode can be encapsulated in the fact that Siobhan was sitting there with two nat 20 portent rolls but sidelined and useless because Fabian decided to go completely rogue.

I have to give Adaine big credit for checking to see if Ragh was mind controlled because whenever I’m watching a show where a bad guy can shapeshift or possess people, I always think, “Why don’t they just have a codeword or something?” This is one of the few times I’ve seen it properly executed. Genre savviness saves lives people.

Fabian’s rolls really matched his decisions this week. It was like the dice were punishing him with all those nat 1s on crucial checks.

Also, Brennan being like, “You get pneumonia” was lowkey hilarious. Just like, insult to injury. What’s next? He’s gonna die on dysentery on the Oregon Trail?

I wonder if Fabian is considering chronomancy-ing this away? The thought for sure crossed my mind. Also, everyone was joking about everything being all a dream, but that’s something that could happen in this campaign without it being cheap because it’s been set-up that that’s the kind of bad guy they’re up against so I’m staying vigilant.

Ragh coming into the room and, voice cracking, announcing that his mom was dead cut me up so bad. And I thought it would be not as bad on my rewatch. Nope, still awful. I can’t believe I like him so much now. This is like a Steve from Stranger Things level turnaround for me. Also, the chat was absolutely blowing up when Murph was like, “I tell her everything,” without excepting Ragh’s info at first. Brennan is a nice DM for reminding him about that (despite the absolute ravaging of Riz and Fabian otherwise this ep).

Also gotta give a shout out to Murph this ep for playing Riz so well during the confrontation with Kalina. His steadfast, simple, “We can’t stop. It would be wrong. Fullstop,” mentality is so pure. Riz is such an interesting character. When he tried to withhold info, Murph said, “I have low deception.” That’s who Riz is. He’s a rogue with low deception. He’s sneaky but only in pursuit of justice. No guile at all. Kalina, who is as casual as he is wound up and amoral and he is knightly is such an interesting foil for him. I’m very intrigued to see how this develops.

Like I said in the recap, Garthy and Tracker can now see Kalina in the picture, even though neither of them saw her when she broke in (that they know of) so the plot thickens there. I’d go into it more but I really don’t have any new theories off the top of my head and this was honestly the least of my worries re: this ep.

Also, she says that all of her abilities come from serving the NK, and she had the abilities since she was working with Pok so this doesn’t seem to be a new development. I will say though, based on the info the group got, I really thought she was gonna be a more ancient being, you know? Maybe it’s just a title and she’s just the latest tabaxi to serve him and get it? I dunno.

Truly the mood for this episode was dawning horror. Things just got progressively worse in new and interesting ways every single scene.

Speaking of, let’s talk about Fabian’s vision. First of all, Brennan did a great job real-time DJ-ing that scene. The switch to that creepy music was very unsettling. Second of all, the chat exploding when Brennan started doing That voice and everyone for a brief moment thought that maybe, Maybe, Gilear was the Nightmare King, was delicious. But, on to the important stuff: When this happened to Adaine, my guess was that if she had looked at figure, it would have been a representation of her anxiety which I think was like 65% correct based on what happened to Fabian. Her worst possible future for herself is probably herself ruled by anxiety to the point of uselessness so she would have seen that version of herself. Fabian’s worst possible future self is essentially Gilear. Which, on behalf of Gilear, ouch. But, yeah, I see why it would be. And, honestly, NK-Fabian was worse than Gilear. Gilear is pathetic, sure, but he’s pathetic in pursuit of his own goals. To be stuck in his dad’s shadow, devoid of any other purpose is the antithesis of Fabian’s whole making a name for himself thing and a sick twisting of his very real pride in his dad. It’s a real raw nerve to hit, especially right after his colossal failure that left him feeling unworthy of even his favorite snack.

I’m really glad Fabian looked at the face of his nightmare. Brennan pushed him a little (in that fantastically unnerving, cajoling yet demanding voice) but I think he would have done it anyway. Like, it’s good information for the team to have and, if anyone was gonna get hit, it made most sense for it to happen right then, when Fabian was already at basically his lowest point. Both Adaine and Fabian felt like something horrible would happen if they looked at their nightmare and I’m wondering if there’s a mechanical effect to that or if it’s just psychological. I feel like there might be some not yet revealed mechanical effect going on but, when your players are as devoted to the RP as Lou (who, again, asked to take damage from his fall even after Brennan was gonna let him off with just the shame) you can get away with just giving the character trauma and having the player hinder their own actions based on it.

Titles for this recap that I rejected include Actions and Consequences and Keyfish 2: Pirate Boogaloo (because the first part of this episode truly felt like the CritRole Keyfish incident but spread out over an hour and a half).

Yet another thing that would have been a headline item in another recap but is just a footnote here: Aida Aguefort. That’s gotta be a sibling, ex, or parent (in my order of probability). What is an Aguefort doing running a pirate library? Are they as chaotic as the other Aguefort? I think it would be very funny if Arthur is this dude in a high position in a “normal” town who is just feral and Aida is living on this insane pirate island but, like, a completely normal librarian.

Oh, speaking of Aguefort, Kalina called him out on his child soldier factory and, listen, I know she was just trying to hurt Riz but she doesn’t not have a point.

Kristen was able to discern that Tracker probably won’t remember what happened with Sandra-Lynn but I hope she keeps track of that info because if Tracker rolls high perception and finds out that she semi-willfully kept that information from her, she might be miffed.

Are all of Bill’s dead warlocks gonna work on his hell ship now? Didn’t they become warlocks specifically because they were bad at being pirates?

I notice the group didn’t wait for Fabian even after Riz presumably told them what happened. I also notice that Cathilda was able to find Fabian right away which is interesting.

Adaine solemnly Razor scooting at the front of the party towards the library is low key hysterical.

Fig better hope it doesn’t get back to Jemina that she was being impersonated.

Also, that plan was crazy but super not the craziest thing Emily has ever done and Brennan backed her up on that. He was like, “This is good. This isn’t Hilda Hilda,” which is where the bar is because Emily is crazy.

Fig: We’re gonna fail./Gorgug: We’re gonna die./Adaine: And, more importantly, we’re gonna fail school.

Riz’s “How about no dead friends,” one-liner was so good. Unfortunately, it didn’t do anything to stop his paralysis. Ouch.

I’m assuming Kalina was asking what he knew to see if there was anyone she needed to kill because they knew too much about her? Because, otherwise, it seems like unimportant info for her. I was thinking when it was happening that she needed him to give her that information so they could take it from him and he wouldn’t have it anymore, like in a weird Fae way, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s probably just the simple thing.

Garthy doesn’t leave the Golden Gardens which is probably good for game balance. You don’t want to give the players a super powerful ally who has no reason not to help them at any given time. That’s rife for PC abuse.

I have to say, after last week, I was hoping we’d be done with the pirate stuff halfway through the ep and en route to Falinel but this was such a turn. I was saying to someone last week, it’s very tempting to try and predict where a D&D game is going by using typical narrative structure as a guide but that only halfway works because you really can’t account for the improvisational nature of it. I absolutely could not have guessed that this is what this episode would be and I’m glad.

Goes without saying, this ep totally snatched the crown for Most Heart Attacks Given To Me By BLM from Family in Flames.

“The game isn’t about what you plan; it’s about what happens,” sounds like a line from an inspirational Ted Talk, and not from a man who, minutes later, said that a pirate named Chungle-Down Bim wanted to use a teenager’s mouth as a toilet.

“I feel drunk from anxiety.” Same Ally.

You wanna know how many pages of handwritten notes I have for this episode? If you guessed 16, you’re right. And I was so into the ep, I forgot to keep track of crits, which is why I had to watch it a second time.

Emily proposing “felettes” as the feminine version of fellas.

“How many HP you at?”/”I’m not telling you.”

Just, the idea of this warlock drawing on Bill’s power to try and attack his son is so raw.

Brennan, being asked by Zac if he can help with Emily’s crazy plan: You absolutely may not and, in fact, take five points of damage.”

Siobhan: What do you have to lose?/Gorgug: *Rolls a nat 1 and almost severs the rope he and Fig are holding on to*

Garthy plays the harpsichord (I have in my notes harpsichord and not harp so I’m going with that) post-coital which is definitely a choice.

The shot of levity that Brennan injected between the big fight and the NK invasion by having Garthy know Jawbone was great. I knew it was coming as soon as Fig said his name, but the comic timing was still perfect. Apparently, Jawbone’s stories are crazy even by Garthy’s standards, which is wild.

Also funny, Fig being tied up as combat started. It didn’t end up making a difference but, at a certain point, when enough bad things have happened, piling more bad stuff on top just becomes funny like, yeah. Of course. That tracks.

Ally: Sleep when you’re dead, which might be this episode.

Riz and Gorgug (and Allistair) each roll one nat 1. Kristen rolls a nat 20. Adaine has 20s for both of her portent rolls (which she gives to Fig and Gorgug). And Fabian rolled an amazing 2 Nat 20s (in a row) and FIVE nat 1s.

Edit: Oh, forgot to say! Next week there won’t be a game because Thanksgiving is happening in the States. Early Happy Thanksgiving for y’all in the U.S. who are celebrating. I’m thankful for a week off to recover after the ordeal that was this episode.

[Footnote: This ended up cracking 6000 words, in case you’re wondering about the ways I choose to spend my time. Shoutout to y’all for reading these and justifying the dissertation length brain dumps my dumb, former English major brain compels me to produce for absolutely no good reason.]

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #report card

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lokis-daughter-fic · 4 years

Text

Loki’s Daughter Chapter 3: Ice & Volcanoes

TITLE: Loki's Daughter CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 3: Ice & Volcanoes AUTHOR: traveling-classicist ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

RATING: Mature for triggering content

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“Of all the places in this universe, you had to teleport us to this frozen Hel!” he shouted at the tesseract. It glimmered at him.

“You are going to listen to me this time and you are going to teleport me up there to get that kid. Understand?”

“That’s right, you stupid piece of…” he grumbled, his words lost to the wind. He put the cube away and called out again, “Kuna? Kuna! Where are you? Are you dead?”

“It’s alright,” Loki said. “It’s just me.”

“You’re blue!” she cried. “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

He looked down at his hand. The blue pigment was dark against the blue of the ice. Small, raised scars covered his hand and fingers in semi-circular patterns. He withdrew his hand and stared at Kuna.

“I’m - I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’ll keep you warm, Loki,” she said.

“It’s not because I'm cold, Kuna,” he said, gently raising her head. “You’re freezing, though. I need to find a way to keep you warm.”

“Look at this,” he said.

He conjured up a blanket from his pocketverse and laid it over Kuna. As he stooped, he could feel a warmth radiating up from the cracks in the ground. A warmth from deep, deep below them.

She was so tired. Her head hurt, and her limbs hurt, and her body hurt, and her stomach hurt. She hurt. Too tired to keep her head up anymore, she laid back down and stared at Loki’s boots.

He was worried about her. What was he going to do? How could he save her?

Why would you want to? the voice, again. It rose from inside him like the head of a serpent.

“Stop,” Loki uttered, inaudible to the now sleeping Kuna.

Why not just leave her here.

“Go away,” Loki hissed.

It’s just a child. Why do you care so much?

She’ll die. Take it as a blessing. What would we do with a child anyways?

Loki shook his head. He wasn’t listening.

Or… we could put her out of her misery. That’s all she’s ever felt anyways. She wouldn’t know the difference. It would be merciful. We would be her savior.

Loki felt sick to his stomach. “No,” he whined, squeezing harder to make the voice go away.

Or have you gone soft?

Loki opened his eyes, indignantly. “I am not soft,” he said, strongly, his eyes darkening.

Prove it.

We’ll make it quick. She won’t feel it.

Loki shook his head maniacally, trying to shake the voice out of his ears.

You’re weak, it said.

You’re pathetic! You couldn’t kill your ridiculous brother and now you can’t even kill a child? What kind of a warrior king are you?

“I am a remorseless assassin,” Loki said through gritted teeth. “A king doesn’t kill needlessly.”

Odin does, it mocked him.

“Argh!” Loki picked up a piece of ice and threw it has hard as he could. It collided with the wall and shattered, sending strange, otherworldly echoes through the chamber.

How impressive. Just like the ‘Mighty Thor’.

Little baby frost giant, the voice mocked him again.

So angry, it teased from the hole as he locked it in again with an imaginary heavy metal lid.

“I will bury you, like that planet buried this volcano,” he told the voice in his head. He said it aloud too, for good measure, ensuring the voice knew he was serious.

“I – I – I thought – you – left me!” she said between sobs.

“See. Look,” he went on. “It already feels much better.” He showed her his hand.

“Why are you blue now?” she asked, weakly.

“Um, it’s - it’s a long story,” Loki said. “It should go away soon, I think. I should go back to normal. I’m sorry my visage scared you.”

“I’m not scare of you, Loki,” she said, sniffling. “I was worried about you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said, giving her a little smile. “I’m not going to leave you here.”

#loki fanfic #loki #loki series #thor #avengers: endgame #au #oc #tesseract #infinity stones

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blade720dron-blog · 4 years

Text

blade 720 pro

Blade Drone 720 Benefits and features

Blade 720 Drone delivers rookie consumers for professionals. In this article are one of the desired highlights of this technology

•This really is foldable

This superior drone 720 comes with remarkable collapsible propellers. As a result, you can actually take it anywhere you want without having to worry about the risk of transportation.

•This can be controlled via Google android, iOS, or Smartphone

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•Altitude Carry Setting

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•Improved Airline flight Time

This amazing blade drone 720 provide an remarkable battery at the same time. This drone is also considered to be among the swiftest drone today, with twelve meters per next as well as its top rated collection transmission of 2 kilometers.

•Contra--Selection Technology

Featuring its built-in detectors, you may possibly prevent smashing and collisions on the floor and in addition some challenges.

•Sensible along with Minimal Style

Its clever light feature development keeps with each other, supplying additional mobility.

•Panorama Method

By utilizing this drone 720, you are able to get images 360 qualifications above within a individual drive on its key if you use your smartphone.

•Incredible Video

The videos, together with the pictures which can be captured applying this drone, are found to get incredibly crystal clear and sharp.

•three dimensional VR Mode

In order that will help you the drone, you can use its joystick as well as its VR kit.

Let’s have more of the blade 720 benefits:

•Less headache placing-up

•Smooth and intuitive regulates for quick soaring

•Single-switch for attaining, taking off and coming back

•Battery permits the person to fly for a greatest of 10 mins

•Lithium battery power carries a large capacity which offers a longer period for flying

•Includes Wi-Fi interconnection which assists in easy and actual-time information transferring

•360 levels easy going

•Reduced and-velocity method

•Light characteristic can make it stronger in comparison with other individuals

Advantages of using Blade Drone 720

The major benefits associated with this specific drone are its price, portability, video camera, as well as simple to operate. This drone appears to be a huge android cell phone in proportion. It includes flip-style rotors as a result, you are able to surely get the most-loved easily transportable drone blade 720 pro. It would easily fit into your case or wallet. You can now use and fly this phenomenal drone. The user doesn’t have to pay attention to its elevation, just browse through and love your flight! It is actually unquestionable which every drone wants a fantastic camera. Hence, this blade drone 720 offers an awesome image as well as video lessons.

As however, we have not helped bring up this particular blade is designed with ABS plastic material. And that the thing that makes it stronger and less heavy. Finally, its cost is remarkable. It is actually offered for only 1000 US money without being concerned about its reliability along with its high quality. Featuring its inexpensive selling price, you could have your own super light-weight and foldable drone, which may endure each misuse. This is definitely worthy of getting.

Blade Drone 720 Benefits & Disadvantages

Same with another products available, this drone also has its experts and its particular cons. Therefore, it is very important to ascertain its pros as well as its disadvantages to suit your needs so that you can have a crystal clear picture if the certain item is best for you. Let’s have a look at the pros and cons of blade drone 720.

Experts

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If you use this drone, you can expect to surely save your valuable funds by lowering the manpower along with its gasoline cost. This drone offers a accurate take a look at these regions which are thought to be hard to achieve furthermore, it extraordinary in surveillance, rescue missions without consuming a better amount of cash. This drone 720 is considered to be an affordable and practical alternative for choppers due to the fact that it drone can swiftly be flown.

•Remarkable Taking photos

This blade drone 720 may help you in consuming spectacular, awesome, and instagrammable photos. Competent photography lovers do uplift their profession along with their company by using this specific drone. Individuals motion picture-make that are just commencing on their own field also increase the value of their generation together with the amazing aerial photos made available from this blade drone 720.

•Thrilling to Use

When you find yourself already familiarized with how you can work it, you will get fun as well as an satisfying experience.

Negatives

•Personal privacy Attack

This is regarded as the primary problem according to the drone use considering that the user can check around and use this drone for trespassing homes. Hence, this can be distressing concurrently, upsetting.

•Damages or Accidents

This drone is prone to damages. When you don’t get the appropriate coaching together with the necessary capabilities for making this drone fly, you could possibly cause drone collision or collide, which may result in hitting somebody or doing damage to items. You will even find studies about drones traveling near some strength cables or airport terminals that posed harm or damages that may lead to significant accidents for human beings.

•Feasible Mishandling

Its pleasure and its ease of access draw in enthusiasts, technology geeks, along with those with illegal motives. Terrorists and thieves have realized way to use this particular gadget for his or her harmful likes and dislikes.

•Cause harm to

Regardless of whether the point is useful or terrible, this drone can cause problems for individuals. You will find cases wherein drones can be used as hauling radioactive substance for people transporting unlawful pursuits. Should it be not licensed, this technologies may play since the principal for wrongdoers to commit criminal activity confident.

•Airport Dangers

Because the blade drone is very well-known amongst adults in addition to children, it then makes a significant threat to airport terminals. This is not from the defeated track incidents, nevertheless outstanding level disruption which continuously has an effect on a number of journeys monthly. From the moment this blade crashes in the airplane, this might result in a disastrous case.

Buyer Viewpoints and also Activities

This brand-new drone compatibly characteristics using a mobile device that is used when planning on taking beautiful photographs along with video lessons. In addition to simply being employed like a selfie drone, additionally it is popularly called a great stuffed toy. It is actually easily run and maneuver, as stated on some blade drone 720 evaluations accessible around.

Abilities and knowledge about drones are certainly not required. Even individuals who are not tech-experienced people can possibly run this product. However, it is actually greatly advisable to be attentive to the present climate before running this drone in the area. Due to its light-weight feature, it is far from advisable to have this drone to take flight once the rainwater is heavy, and there exists a strong wind.

•This drone is suitable for novices. This doesn’t need abilities in drones. In comparison to other individuals, this is a bit sturdier- which is, in accordance with Andrea Harnum, who acquired this product like a Christmas present for males within his early on fifties as well as two teenagers. They have got explained some positive opinion of this drone. In the event you will get, be sure you permit enough delivery service time, specifically if you could have this as being a gift idea.

•According to Bod, this drone is very good. Your friends will certainly be amazed by its camera resolution. It is capable of doing offering beautiful video tutorials and photographs.

•As outlined by David Frocione, he will surely buy more of this system. What he loves most is the sincerity and trustworthiness with regards to this drone.

A number of folks who possessed employed this drone are pleased, delighted, along with satisfied with their encounter. Almost every other way, some users find it difficult to position excellently up over, especially there exists a powerful wind. This only implies that in the event you desired to get around it properly, you have to have some required exercise in coping with this drone. Some users are inspired to make themselves familiar with the restrictions and regulations in drones flying inside the area, or else the arm from the rules can possibly confiscate this drone. Be mindful that flying drones near the airport or helipad and energy cable tv should be eliminated for you to prevent mishaps.

What Is the Value of Blade Drone 720?

It is possible to personal this drone for only 199.99 bucks. Nonetheless, when you will attempt to acquire it from its established website, you can find for a selection of cost. Huge discounts are made available from the drone business like acquiring two devices will entitle anyone to have one drone totally free, getting three units will entitle you for 2 totally free drones. Hence, this gets very helpful for a few family members who look at flying drones as being a past time as well as for loved ones bonding. Another good thing about purchasing the product is the free delivery campaign. Therefore, you will need to get the opportunity to jump at blade drone 720 benefits.

At times, this blade 720 is offered with running a campaign. In some countries, you can absolutely have yourself this Blade 720 given that some companies give a one half discount. And in relation to internet marketers, they also supply shipping and delivery, meaning it would actually help all those people who have a tight budget. This device if available on the internet, and in case you lookup its principal web site, you will possess the opportunity to have a drone with the very best quality and value.

Conclusion

This device is created in order to meet users’ demands and also calls for. Having its functions, such as remarkable steadiness as it flies, 720HD camera and vast lenses, controllable controls for convenient traveling, you may be impressed by its low cost. In purchasing any item, it is envisioned that purchasers will have a second seriously considered receiving the item. Purchasers will certainly question and ponder if the product is worthy of buying or perhaps not.

With regards to blade drone 720, the answer is definitely yes! You might just think of the stunning and awesome video clips and images that you’ll be able to have with the use of this blade drone 720. It is not only about taking photographs and getting videos but much more on the enjoyment and entertaining it gives you for users.

Haven’t you tried out traveling a drone? This is the right time for you to use a try! Rush up and experience and like the good quality photographs for your cherished images, for your personal video clips, and even for your personal live stream adventures.

#blade 720 pro

1 note · View note

bestblade720 · 4 years

Text

Blade Drone 720 Benefits and features

Blade 720 Drone delivers rookie consumers for professionals. In this article are one of the desired highlights of this technology

•This really is foldable

This superior blade 720 drone review comes with remarkable collapsible propellers. As a result, you can actually take it anywhere you want without having to worry about the risk of transportation.

•This can be controlled via Google android, iOS, or Smartphone

•Altitude Carry Setting

•Improved Airline flight Time

•Contra--Selection Technology

Featuring its built-in detectors, you may possibly prevent smashing and collisions on the floor and in addition some challenges.

•Sensible along with Minimal Style

Its clever light feature development keeps with each other, supplying additional mobility.

•Panorama Method

By utilizing this drone 720, you are able to get images 360 qualifications above within a individual drive on its key if you use your smartphone.

•Incredible Video

The videos, together with the pictures which can be captured applying this drone, are found to get incredibly crystal clear and sharp.

•three dimensional VR Mode

In order that will help you the drone, you can use its joystick as well as its VR kit.

Let’s have more of the blade 720 benefits:

•Less headache placing-up

•Smooth and intuitive regulates for quick soaring

•Single-switch for attaining, taking off and coming back

•Battery permits the person to fly for a greatest of 10 mins

•Lithium battery power carries a large capacity which offers a longer period for flying

•Includes Wi-Fi interconnection which assists in easy and actual-time information transferring

•360 levels easy going

•Reduced and-velocity method

•Light characteristic can make it stronger in comparison with other individuals

Advantages of using Blade Drone 720

The major benefits associated with this specific drone are its price, portability, video camera, as well as simple to operate. This drone appears to be a huge android cell phone in proportion. It includes flip-style rotors as a result, you are able to surely get the most-loved easily transportable drone. It would easily fit into your case or wallet. You can now use and fly this phenomenal drone. The user doesn’t have to pay attention to its elevation, just browse through and love your flight! It is actually unquestionable which every drone wants a fantastic camera. Hence, this blade drone 720 offers an awesome image as well as video lessons.

Blade Drone 720 Benefits & Disadvantages

Experts

•Cheap, effective, and Dealing with is not hard

•Remarkable Taking photos

•Thrilling to Use

When you find yourself already familiarized with how you can work it, you will get fun as well as an satisfying experience.

Negatives

•Personal privacy Attack

•Damages or Accidents

•Feasible Mishandling

•Cause harm to

•Airport Dangers

Buyer Viewpoints and also Activities

•According to Bod, this drone is very good. Your friends will certainly be amazed by its camera resolution. It is capable of doing offering beautiful video tutorials and photographs.

•As outlined by David Frocione, he will surely buy more of this system. What he loves most is the sincerity and trustworthiness with regards to this drone.

What Is the Value of Blade Drone 720?

Conclusion

1 note · View note

mrkwonandmrchoibabygirl · 6 years

Text

50 Shades Of Kwon Ji Yong PT.1

LISTEN BEACHES I WATCHED INFINITY COMPANY FOR LIKE 100TH TIME WITH GD AS THE CEO AND I FELL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN FOR HIS LOOK THERE SO IM GOING TO RECREATE 50 SHADES OF GREY INTO THIS THING AND ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO E.L James the author of fifty shades of grey i just edited it so i hope you like it ,reblog to share it!

y/n- your name y/l/n-your last name PT.2 PT.3

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair - it just want it behave, and damn Hyo-Rin for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I should be studying for my final exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission. I must not sleep with it wet. I must not sleep with it wet. Reciting this mantra several times, I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up. My only option is to restrain my wayward hair in a ponytail and hope that I look semi presentable.

Hyo-Rin is my roommate, and she has chosen today of all days to succumb to the flu. Therefore, she cannot attend the interview she had arranged to do, with some mega-industri alist tycoon I’ve never heard of, for the student newspaper. So I have been volunteered. I have final exams to cram for, one essay to finish, and I’m supposed to be working this afternoon, but no, today I have to drive a hundred and sixty-five miles to downtown Seoul in order to meet the enigmatic CEO of Kwon Enterprises Holdings Inc. As an exceptional entrepreneur and major benefactor of our University, his time is extraordinarily precious, much more precious than mine - but he has granted Hyo-Rin an interview. A real coup, she tells me. Damn her extra-curricular activities.

Hyo-Rin is huddled on the couch in the living room.

Y/N, I’m sorry. It took me nine months to get this interview. It will take another six to reschedule, and we’ll both have graduated by then. As the editor, I can’t blow this off. Please, Hyo-Rin begs me in her rasping, sore throat voice. How does she do it? Even ill she looks gamine and gorgeous, strawberry blonde hair in place and green eyes bright, although now red-rimmed and runny. I ignore my pang of unwelcome sympathy.

“Of course I’ll go Rin.You should get back to bed. Would you like some Nyquil or Tylenol?”

“Nyquil, please. Here are the questions and my mini-disc recorder. Just press record here. Make notes, I’ll transcribe it all.”

“I know nothing about him,” I murmur, trying and failing to suppress my rising panic.

“The questions will see you through. Go. It’s a long drive. I don’t want you to be late.”

“Okay, I’m going. Get back to bed. I made you some soup to heat up later.” I stare at her fondly. Only for you, Hyo-Rin, would I do this.

“I will. Good luck. And thanks Y/n - as usual, you’re my lifesaver.”

Gathering my satchel, I smile wryly at her, then head out the door to the car. I can not believe I have let Hyo-Rin talk me into this. But then Rin can talk anyone into anything. She’ll make an exceptional journalist. She’s articulate, strong, persuasive, argumentative, beautiful ,and she’s my dearest, dearest friend.

The roads are clear as I set off from Gangnam-Gu, toward Seoul (i know its like part of seoul but i meant that she goes to main part of seoul ok?) and the 1-5. It’s early, and I don’t have to be in Seoul until two this afternoon. Fortunately, Rin’s lent me her ,sporty Mercedes CLK. I’m not sure Wanda, my old VW Beetle, would make the journey in time. Oh, the Merc is a fun drive, and the miles slip away as I floor the pedal to the metal.

My destination is the headquarters of Mr. Kwon’s global enterprise. It’s a huge twenty story office building, all curved glass and steel, an architect’s utilitarian fantasy,with Kwon House written discreetly in steel over the glass front doors. It’s a quarter to two when I arrive, greatly relieved that I’m not late as I walk into the enormous - and frankly intimidating - glass, steel, and white sandstone lobby.

Behind the solid sandstone desk, a very attractive, groomed, blonde young woman smiles pleasantly at me. She’s wearing the sharpest charcoal suit jacket and white shirt I have ever seen. She looks immaculate.

“I’m here to see Mr.Kwon. y/n y/l/n for Min Hyo-Rin.”

“Excuse me one moment, Miss Y/L/N.” She arches her eyebrow slightly as I stand selfconsciously before her. I am beginning to wish I’d borrowed one of Hyo-Rin’s formal blazers rather than wear my navy blue jacket. I have made an effort and worn my one and only skirt, my sensible brown knee-length boots and a blue sweater. For me, this is smart. I tuck one of the escaped tendrils of my hair behind my ear as I pretend she doesn’t intimidate me.

“Miss Min is expected. Please sign in here, Miss Y/L/N. You’ll want the last elevator on the right, press for the twentieth floor.” She smiles kindly at me, amused no doubt, as I sign in.

She hands me a security pass that has VISITOR very firmly stamped on the front. I can’t help my smirk. Surely it’s obvious that I’m just visiting. I don’t fit in here at all.

Nothing changes, I inwardly sigh. Thanking her, I walk over to the bank of elevators past

the two security men who are both far more smartly dressed than I am in their well-cut black suits.

The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor. The doors slide open, and I’m in another large lobby - again all glass, steel, and white sandstone. I’m confronted by another desk of sandstone and another young blonde woman dressed impeccably in black and white who rises to greet me.

“Miss Y/L/N, could you wait here, please” She points to a seated area of white leather chairs.

Behind the leather chairs is a spacious glass-walled meeting room with an equally spacious dark wood table and at least twenty matching chairs around it. Beyond that, there is a floor-to-ceiling window with a view of the Seoul skyline that looks out through the city toward the Sound. It’s a stunning vista, and I’m momentarily paralyzed by the view. Wow.

I sit down, fish the questions from my satchel, and go through them, inwardly cursing Hyo-Rin for not providing me with a brief biography. I know nothing about this man I’m about to interview. He could be ninety or he could be thirty. The uncertainty is galling, and my nerves resurface, making me fidget. I’ve never been comfortable with one-on-one interviews, preferring the anonymity of a group discussion where I can sit inconspicuously at the back of the room. To be honest, I prefer my own company, reading a classic British novel, curled up in a chair in the campus library. Not sitting twitching nervously in a colossal glass and stone edifice.

I roll my eyes at myself. Get a grip, y/n. Judging from the building, which is too clinical and modern, I guess Kwon is in his forties: fit, tanned, and fair-haired to match the rest of the personnel.

Another elegant, flawlessly dressed blonde comes out of a large door to the right. What is it with all the immaculate blondes? It’s like Stepford here. Taking a deep breath, I stand up.

“Miss y/l/n?” the latest blonde asks.

“Yes,” I croak, and clear my throat. “Yes.” There, that sounded more confident.

“Mr. Kwon will see you in a moment. May I take your jacket?”

“Oh please.” I struggle out of the jacket.

“Have you been offered any refreshment?”

“Urn - no.” Oh dear, is Blonde Number One in trouble?

Blonde Number Two frowns and eyes the young woman at the desk.

“Would you like tea, coffee, water?” she asks, turning her attention back to me.

“A glass of water. Thank you,” I murmur.

“Olivia, please fetch Miss y/l/n a glass of water.” Her voice is stern. Olivia scoots up immediately and scurries to a door on the other side of the foyer.

“My apologies, Miss y/l/n, Olivia is our new intern. Please be seated. Mr. Kwon will be another five minutes.”

Olivia returns with a glass of iced water.

“Here you go, Miss y/l/n.”

“Thank you.”

Blonde Number Two marches over to the large desk, her heels clicking and echoing on the sandstone floor. She sits down, and they both continue their work.

Perhaps Mr. Kwon insists on all his employees being blonde. I’m wondering idly if that’s legal, when the office door opens and a tall, elegantly dressed, attractive African- American man with short dreads exits. I have definitely worn the wrong clothes.

He turns and says through the door. “Golf, this week, Kwon.”

I don’t hear the reply. He turns, sees me, and smiles, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. Olivia has jumped up and called the elevator. She seems to excel at jumping from her seat. She’s more nervous than me!

“Good afternoon ladies,” he says as he departs through the sliding door.

“Mr. Kwon will see you now, Miss y/l/n. Do go through,” Blonde Number Two says.

I stand rather shakily trying to suppress my nerves. Gathering up my satchel, I abandon my glass of water and make my way to the partially open door.

“You don’t need to knock - just go in.” She smiles kindly.

I push open the door and stumble through, tripping over my own feet, and falling head first into the office.

Double crap - me and my two left feet! I am on my hands and knees in the doorway to Mr. Kwon’s office, and gentle hands are around me helping me to stand. I am so embarrassed, damn my clumsiness. I have to steel myself to glance up. Holy cow - he’s so young.

“Miss Min.” He extends a long-fingered hand to me once I’m upright. “I’m Kwon Ji Yong. Are you all right? Would you like to sit?”

So young - and attractive, very attractive. He’s tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright Brown eyes that regard me shrewdly. It takes a moment for me to find my voice.

“Urn. Actually…” I mutter. If this guy is over thirty then I’m a monkey’s uncle. In a daze, I place my hand in his and we shake. As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me. I withdraw my hand hastily, embarrassed. Must be static. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching my heart rate.

“Miss Min is indisposed, so she sent me. I hope you don’t mind, Mr. Kwon.”

“And you are?” His voice is warm, possibly amused, but it’s difficult to tell from his impassive expression. He looks mildly interested, but above all, polite.

“y/n y/l/n. I,m studying English Literature with Rin, urn… Hyo-Rin… urn… Miss Min at Gangnam ”

“I see,” he says simply. I think I see the ghost of a smile in his expression, but I’m not sure.

“Would you like to sit?” He waves me toward a white leather buttoned L-shaped couch.

His office is way too big for just one man. In front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, there’s a huge modern dark-wood desk that six people could comfortably eat around. It matches the coffee table by the couch. Everything else is white - ceiling, floors, and walls except, on the wall by the door, where a mosaic of small paintings hang, thirty-six of them arranged in a square. They are exquisite - a series of mundane, forgotten objects painted in such precise detail they look like photographs. Displayed together, they are breathtaking.

“A local artist. Trouton,” says Kwon when he catches my gaze.

“They’re lovely. Raising the ordinary to extraordinary,” I murmur, distracted both by him and the paintings. He cocks his head to one side and regards me intently.

“I couldn’t agree more, Miss y/l/n” he replies, his voice soft and for some inexplicable reason I find myself blushing.

Apart from the paintings, the rest of the office is cold, clean, and clinical. I wonder if it reflects the personality of the Adonis who sinks gracefully into one of the white leather chairs opposite me. I shake my head, disturbed at the direction of my thoughts, and retrieve Hyo-Rin’s questions from my satchel. Next, I set up the mini-disc recorder and am all fingers and thumbs, dropping it twice on the coffee table in front of me. Mr. Kwon says nothing, waiting patiently - I hope - as I become increasingly embarrassed and flustered. When I pluck up the courage to look at him, he’s watching me, one hand relaxed in his lap and the other cupping his chin and trailing his long index finger across his lips. I think he’s trying to suppress a smile.

“Sorry,” I stutter. “I’m not used to this.”

“Take all the time you need, Miss Y/l/n,” he says.

“Do you mind if I record your answers?”

“After you’ve taken so much trouble to set up the recorder - you ask me now?”

I flush. He’s teasing me? I hope. I blink at him, unsure what to say, and I think he takes pity on me because he relents. “No, I don’t mind.”

“Did Hyo-Rin, I mean, Miss Min, explain what the interview was for?”

“Yes. To appear in the graduation issue of the student newspaper as I shall be conferring the degrees at this year’s graduation ceremony.”

Oh! This is news to me, and I’m temporarily pre-occupied by the thought that someone not much older than me - okay, maybe six years or so, and okay, mega successful, but still is going to present me with my degree. I frown, dragging my wayward attention back to the task at hand.

“Good,” I swallow nervously. “I have some questions, Mr. Kwon.” I smooth a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

“I thought you might,” he says, deadpan. He’s laughing at me. My cheeks heat at the realization, and I sit up and square my shoulders in an attempt to look taller and more intimidating. Pressing the start button on the recorder, I try to look professional.

“You’re very young to have amassed such an empire. To what do you owe your success?” I glance up at him. His smile is rueful, but he looks vaguely disappointed.

“Business is all about people, Miss y/l/n, and I’m very good at judging people. I know how they tick, what makes them flourish, what doesn’t, what inspires them, and how to incentivize them. I employ an exceptional team, and I reward them well.” He pauses and fixes me with his Brown stare. “My belief is to achieve success in any scheme one has to make oneself master of that scheme, know it inside and out, know every detail. I work hard, very hard to do that. I make decisions based on logic and facts. I have a natural gut instinct that can spot and nurture a good solid idea and good people. The bottom line is, it’s always down to good people.”

“Maybe you’re just lucky.” This isn’t on Rin’s list - but he’s so arrogant. His eyes flare momentarily in surprise.

“I don’t subscribe to luck or chance, Miss y/l/n. The harder I work the more luck I seem to have. It really is all about having the right people on your team and directing their energies accordingly. I think it was Harvey Firestone who said ,the growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership.”

“You sound like a control freak.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

“Oh, I exercise control in all things, Miss y/l/n,” he says without a trace of humor in his smile. I look at him, and he holds my gaze steadily, impassive. My heartbeat quickens, and my face flushes again.

Why does he have such an unnerving effect on me? His overwhelming good-looks maybe? The way his eyes blaze at me? The way he strokes his index finger against his lower lip? I wish he’d stop doing that.

“Besides, immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born to control things,” he continues, his voice soft.

“Do you feel that you have immense power?” Control Freak.

“I employ over forty thousand people, Miss y/l/n. That gives me a certain sense of responsibility power, if you will. If I were to decide I was no longer interested in the telecommunications business and sell up, twenty thousand people would struggle to make their mortgage payments after a month or so.”

My mouth drops open. I am staggered by his lack of humility.

“Don’t you have a board to answer to?” I ask, disgusted.

“I own my company. I don’t have to answer to a board.” He raises an eyebrow at me.

I flush. Of course, I would know this if I had done some research. But holy crap, he’s so arrogant. I change tack.

“And do you have any interests outside your work?”

“I have varied interests, Miss y/l/n.” A ghost of a smile touches his lips. “Very varied.” And for some reason, I’m confounded and heated by his steady gaze. His eyes are alight with some wicked thought.

“But if you work so hard, what do you do to chill out?”

“Chill out?” He smiles, revealing perfect white teeth. I stop breathing. He really is beautiful. No one should be this good-looking.

“Well, to ‘chill out’ as you put it - I sail, I fly, I indulge in various physical pursuits.”

He shifts in his chair. “I’m a very wealthy man, Miss y/l/n, and I have expensive and absorbing hobbies.”

I glance quickly at Rin’s questions, wanting to get off this subject.

“You invest in manufacturing. Why, specifically?” I ask. Why does he make me so uncomfortable?

“I like to build things. I like to know how things work: what makes things tick, how to construct and deconstruct. And I have a love of ships. What can I say?”

“That sounds like your heart talking rather than logic and facts.”

His mouth quirks up, and he stares appraisingly at me.

“Possibly. Though there are people who’d say I don’t have a heart.”

“Why would they say that?”

“Because they know me well.” His lip curls in a wry smile.

“Would your friends say you’re easy to get to know?” And I regret the question as soon as I say it. It’s not on Hyo-Rin’s list.

“I’m a very private person, Miss Y/L/N. I go a long way to protect my privacy. I don’t often give interviews, he trails off.

“Why did you agree to do this one?”

“Because I’m a benefactor of the University, and for all intents and purposes, I couldn’t get Miss Min off my back. She badgered and badgered my PR people, and I admire That kind of tenacity.”

I know how tenacious Hyo-Rin can be. That’s why I’m sitting here squirming uncomfortably under his penetrating gaze, when I should be studying for my exams.

“You also invest in farming technologies. Why are you interested in this area?”

“We can’t eat money, Miss y/l/n, and there are too many people on this planet who don’t have enough to eat.”

“That sounds very philanthropic. Is it something you feel passionately about? Feeding the world’s poor?”

He shrugs, very non-committal.

“It’s shrewd business,” he murmurs, though I think he’s being disingenuous. It doesn’t make sense - feeding the world’s poor? I can’t see the financial benefits of this, only the virtue of the ideal. I glance at the next question, confused by his attitude.

“Do you have a philosophy? If so, what is it?”

“I don’t have a philosophy as such. Maybe a guiding principle - Carnegie’s man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled. I’m very singular, driven. I like control - of myself and those around me.”

“So you want to possess things?” You are a control freak.

“I want to deserve to possess them, but yes, bottom line, I do.”

“You sound like the ultimate consumer.”

“I am.” He smiles, but the smile doesn’t touch his eyes. Again this is at odds with someone who wants to feed the world, so I can’t help thinking that we’re talking about something else, but I’m absolutely mystified as to what it is. I swallow hard. The temperature in the room is rising or maybe it’s just me. I just want this interview to be over. Surely Rin has enough material now? I glance at the next question.

“You were adopted. How far do you think that’s shaped the way you are?” Oh, this is personal. I stare at him, hoping he’s not offended. His brow furrows.

“I have no way of knowing.”

My interest is piqued.

“How old were you when you were adopted?”

“That’s a matter of public record, Miss y/l/n."His tone is stern. I flush, again. Crap. Yes of course - if I’d known I was doing this interview, I would have done some research.

I move on quickly.

"You’ve had to sacrifice a family life for your work.”

“That’s not a question.” He’s terse.

“Sorry.” I squirm, and he’s made me feel like an errant child. I try again. “Have you had to sacrifice a family life for your work?”

“I have a family. I have a brother and a sister and two loving parents. I’m not interested in extending my family beyond that.”

“Are you gay, Mr.Kwon?”

He inhales sharply, and I cringe, mortified. Crap. Why didn’t I employ some kind of filter before I read this straight out? How can I tell him I’m just reading the questions? Damn Rin and her curiosity!

“No y/n, I’m not.” He raises his eyebrows, a cool gleam in his eyes. He does not look pleased.

“I apologize. It’s urn… written here.” It’s the first time he’s said my name. My heartbeat has accelerated, and my cheeks are heating up again. Nervously, I tuck my loosened hair behind my ear.

He cocks his head to one side.

“These aren’t your own questions?”

The blood drains from my head. Oh no.

“Err… no. Rin - Miss Min - she compiled the questions.”

“Are you colleagues on the student paper?” Oh crap. I have nothing to do with the student paper. It’s her extra-curricular activity, not mine. My face is aflame.

“No. She’s my roommate.”

He rubs his chin in quiet deliberation, his brown eyes appraising me.

“Did you volunteer to do this interview?” he asks, his voice deadly quiet.

Hang on, who’s supposed to be interviewing whom? His eyes burn into me, and I’m compelled to answer with the truth.

“I was drafted. She’s not well.” My voice is weak and apologetic.

“That explains a great deal.”

There’s a knock at the door, and Blonde Number Two enters.

“Mr. Kwon, forgive me for interrupting, but your next meeting is in two minutes.”

“We’re not finished here, Andrea. Please cancel my next meeting.”

Andrea hesitates, gaping at him. She’s appears lost. He turns his head slowly to face her and raises his eyebrows. She flushes bright pink. Oh good. It’s not just me.

“Very well, Mr. Kwon,” she mutters, then exits. He frowns, and turns his attention back to me.

“Where were we, Miss y/l/n?”

Oh, we’re back to ’Miss Y/L/N, now.

“Please don’t let me keep you from anything.”

“I want to know about you. I think that’s only fair.” His browneyes are alight with curiosity. Double crap. Wher’s he going with this? He places his elbows on the arms of the chair and steeples his fingers in front of his mouth. His mouth is very… distracting. I swallow.

“There’s not much to know,"I say, flushing again.

"What are your plans after you graduate?” I shrug, thrown by his interest. Come to Seoul with Rin find a place, find a job. I haven’t really thought beyond my finals.

“I haven’t made any plans, Mr. Kwon. I just need to get through my final exams."Which I should be studying for now rather than sitting in your palatial, swanky, sterile office, feeling uncomfortable under your penetrating gaze.

"We run an excellent internship program here,” he says quietly. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Is he offering me a job?

“Oh. I’ll bear that in mind,” I murmur, completely confounded. “Though I’m not sure I’d fit in here.” Oh no. I’m musing out loud again.

“Why do you say that?” He cocks his head to one side, intrigued, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” I’m uncoordinated, scruffy, and I’m not blonde.

“Not to me,” he murmurs. His gaze is intense, all humor gone, and strange muscles deep in my belly clench suddenly. I tear my eyes away from his scrutiny and stare blindly down at my knotted fingers. What’s going on? I have to go now. I lean forward to retrieve the recorder.

“Would you like me to show you around?” he asks.

“I’m sure you’re far too busy, Mr. Kwon, and I do have a long drive.”

“You’re driving back to Gangnam?” He sounds surprised, anxious even. He glances out of the window. It’s begun to rain"Well, you’d better drive carefully.“ His tone is stern, authoritative. Why should he care? "Did you get everything you need?” he adds.

“Yes sir,” I reply, packing the recorder into my satchel. His eyes narrow, speculatively.

“Thank you for the interview, Mr. Kwon.”

“The pleasure’s been all mine,” he says, polite as ever.

As I rise, he stands and holds out his hand.

“Until we meet again, Miss y/l/n.” And it sounds like a challenge, or a threat, I’m not sure which. I frown. When will we ever meet again? I shake his hand once more, astounded that that odd current between us is still there. It must be my nerves.

“Mr. Kwon.” I nod at him. Moving with lithe athletic grace to the door, he opens it wide.

“Just ensuring you make it through the door, Miss y/l/n.” He gives me a small smile. Obviously, he’s referring to my earlier less-than-elegant entry into his office. I flush.

“That’s very considerate, Mr. Kwon,” I snap, and his smile widens. I’m glad you find me entertaining, I glower inwardly, walking into the foyer. I’m surprised when he follows me out. Andrea and Olivia both look up, equally surprised.

“Did you have a coat?” Kwon asks.

“Yes.” Olivia leaps up and retrieves my jacket, which Kwon takes from her before she can hand it to me. He holds it up and, feeling ridiculously self-conscious, I shrug it on.

Kwon places his hands for a moment on my shoulders. I gasp at the contact. If he notices my reaction, he gives nothing away. His long index finger presses the button summoning the elevator, and we stand waiting - awkwardly on my part, coolly self-possessed on his. The doors open, and I hurry in desperate to escape. I really need to get out of here. When I turn to look at him, he’s leaning against the doorway beside the elevator with one hand on the wall. He really is very, very good-looking. It’s distracting. His burning brown eyes gaze at me.

“Y/N,” he says as a farewell.

“Ji Yong,” I reply. And mercifully, the doors close.

ME....

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whovian223 · 1 year

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March 2023 Gaming

March 2023 Gaming @LookoutSpiele @GamesUnderdog

March was definitely a great month of gaming. I managed to play 21 games (32 plays) in 31 days! And 15 days worth of gaming is always good. Fifteen out of thirty-one? Woo! Many thanks to Boardgame Stats for the wonderful app that lets us keep track of our games. It helps that there was a convention in there, but that only accounted for 10 plays out of 32. Here’s the games played on a…

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#Alexander Pfister #BG Stats #Card Games #Charlie Bink #Franz-Benno Delonge #Jump Drive #Jump Drive - Terminal Velocity #Lookout Games #Lunch Time Games #Tom Lehmann #Transamerica #Trekking Through History

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Disney+ UK Star Launch: Complete List of New TV Shows and Films

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We came for The Mandalorian, stuck around for WandaVision, and, as we wait for The Falcon and Winter Soldier and Loki to arrive, there’s now a huge pile of new catalogue additions to work through, courtesy of Disney Plus’ Star brand.

Star launched on the Disney Plus streaming service in territories outside of the US (where Disney already has a home for adult drama in Hulu) on the 23rd of February. It’s added over 75 TV shows and 280 feature films here in the UK, including the entirety of Lost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files, Glee, Prison Break, Sons of Anarchy and Scrubs as well as cult favourites Firefly, Flashforward, Terriers and more. There are also some UK debuts in the form of the Star Originals listed below.

Film-wise, there’s ample reason to go back to the 90s in the form of Arachnophobia, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Con Air and a host of others, plus…well, it’s almost 300 films. Chances are you’ll find something to tickle your fancy. Households with kids should know there are new parental controls to set too, ensuring that nobody gets any unwelcome surprises.

Here’s the complete list of titles so far:

Star Originals

Big Sky

From Mr TV himself, David E. Kelley (Doogie Howser, Chicago Hope, Ally Mcbeal, Big Little Lies) comes a nine-part crime thriller starring Ryan Philippe and Vikings‘ Katheryn Winnick. Based on the 2013 novel The Highway by C.J. Box, Big Sky is the story of a series of missing girls and a private detective/cop trio with a messy personal history who team up to find them. It aired on ABC in the US last winter.

Helstrom

There’s very little fanfare for this comic book show‘s UK debut, which met with mostly negative reviews on release and was cancelled after 10 episodes, but Marvel completists will want to take a look. Tom Austen and Sidney Lemmon play the Helstrom siblings Daimon and Satana, the children of serial killers who hunt down the worst of humanity.

Love, Victor

Another Hulu original making its UK debut, this teen drama spins off from celebrated gay teen 2018 film Love, Simon. It’s narrated by Nick Robinson, who played Simon in the original film, and follows the story of a Puerto-Rican/Colombian-American teen living in Atalanta. Reviews for the 10-part first season were strong and it’s been renewed for a second.

Solar Opposites

Rick and Morty‘s Justin Roiland and Star Trek: Lower Decks‘s Mike McMahan are the creators of this adult animated comedy series about a family of aliens (pictured above) forced to seek refuge in middle America. Season one was enthusiastically received, and a second run is due to air in the US in March. Read plenty more about it here.

TV Series

According To Jim, Seasons 1 – 8 Alias, Seasons 1-5 American Dad, Seasons 1-16 Animal Fight Night, Seasons 1-6 Apocalypse World War I, Season 1 Apocalypse: The Second World War, Season 1 Atlanta, Seasons 1-2 Blackish, Seasons 1-5 Bloody Tales Of Europe, Season 1 Bloody Tales Of The Tower, Season 1 Bones, Seasons 1-12 Brothers & Sisters, Seasons 1-5 Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1-7 Buried Secrets Of WWII, Season 1 Burn Notice, Seasons 1-7 Castle, Seasons 1-8 Code Black, Seasons 1-3 Cougar Town, Seasons 1-6 Desperate Housewives, Seasons 1-8 Devious Maids, Seasons 1-4 Drugs, Inc. Seasons 2-7 Family Guy, Seasons 1-18 Feud: Bette And Joan, Season 1 Firefly, Season 1 Flashforward, Season 1 The Fosters, Seasons 1- 5 The Gifted, Seasons 1-2 Glee, Seasons 1-6 Grey’s Anatomy, Seasons 1-15 The Hot Zone, Season 1 How I Met Your Mother, Seasons 1-9 Inside North Korea’s Dynasty, Season 1 The Killing, Seasons 1-4 LA 92 Lance, Season 1 Lie To Me, Seasons 1-3 Lost, Seasons 1-6 Mafia Confidential Maradona Confidential Mars, Seasons 1-2 Modern Family, Seasons 1-8 O.J.: Made In America Perception, Seasons 1-3 Prison Break, Seasons 1-5 Raising Hope, Seasons 1-4 Resurrection, Seasons 1-2 Revenge, Seasons 1-4 Rosewood, Seasons 1-2 Scandal, Seasons 1-7 Scream Queens, Seasons 1-2 Scrubs, Seasons 1-9 Sleepy Hollow, Seasons 1-4 Snowfall, Seasons 1-3 Sons Of Anarchy, Seasons 1-7 The Strain, Seasons 1-4 Terra Nova, Season 1 Terriers, Season 1 Trust, Season 1 Ugly Betty, Season 1-4 Ultimate Survival WWII, Season 1 Valley Of The Boom, Season 1 Witness To Disaster, Season 1 WWII Bomb Hunters The X-Files, Season 1-9 The 2000s: The Decade We Saw It All, Season 1 24, Season 1-9 24: Legacy, Season 1 The 80s: The Decade That Made Us, Season 1 9/11 Firehouse The 90s: The Last Great Decade? Season 1 9-1-1, Season 1-2

WandaVision Episode 7 Theories Explained

By Kirsten Howard

Gina Carano Was Fired from The Mandalorian, But Should Cara Dune Live On?

By John Saavedra

Films

The 13th Warrior 42 to 1 9 to 5 Adam (2009) The Air Up There The Alamo (2004) Anna And The King Annapolis Another Earth Another Stakeout Anywhere But Here Arachnophobia Australia Bachelor Party Bad Ass Bad Company (2002) Bad Company (Aka: Tool Shed) Bad Girls (1994) Bad Times At The El Royale Baggage Claim The Banger Sisters Be Water Beaches Before And After (1996) Belle Beloved (1998) The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Best Laid Plans Big Trouble Billy Bathgate Black Nativity Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation … Boys Don’t Cry Braveheart Breaking And Entering Bringing Out The Dead Broadcast News Brokedown Palace Broken Lizard’s Club Dread Brothers In Exile Brown Sugar Bubble Boy Bulworth Bushwhacked Can’t Buy Me Love Casanova (2005) Catch That Kid Cedar Rapids Chain Reaction Chasing Papi Chasing Tyson Choke The Clearing Cleopatra (1963) Cocktail Cocoon: The Return Cold Creek Manor The Color Of Money Come See The Paradise The Comebacks Commando (1985) Con Air Conan The Barbarian Confetti Consenting Adults A Cool Dry Place Cousin Bette Crazy/Beautiful Crimson Tide The Crucible Cyrus Damien – Omen Ii The Darjeeling Limited Dark Water Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008) The Day The Series Stopped Day Watch Deadpool 2 Dead Presidents Deceived (1991) The Deep End Deep Rising Deion’s Double Play The Devil Wears Prada Devil’s Due Die Hard 2 Die Hard With A Vengeance Double Take Down And Out In Beverly Hills Down Periscope Dragonball: Evolution Dreaming Of Joseph Lees Drive Me Crazy The Drop Duets The East Ed Wood The Edge Encino Man Enemy Of The State Enough Said Evita Exodus: Gods And Kings The Fab Five (2011) Far From The Madding Crowd (2015) The Fault In Our Stars The Favourite The Final Conflict Firestorm (1998) The Fly (1986) For The Boys Four Falls Of Buffalo French Connection II The French Connection From Hell Gentlemen Broncos A Good Day To Die Hard Good Morning, Vietnam The Good Son (1993) A Good Year The Grand Budapest Hotel The Great White Hype Grosse Pointe Blank Guilty As Sin Gun Shy The Happening Here On Earth High Fidelity High Heels And Low Lifes Hitchcock Hoffa Holy Man Hope Springs (2003) I Heart Huckabees I Love You, Beth Cooper I Origins I Think I Love My Wife Idiocracy In America In Her Shoes Independence Day Independence Day: Resurgence Inventing The Abbotts Jennifer’s Body The Jewel Of The Nile John Tucker Must Die Johnson Family Vacation Jordan Rides The Bus Joshua Just Married Just Wright Kingdom Come Kissing Jessica Stein Kung Pow: Enter The Fist Ladyhawke The Ladykillers (2004) Last Dance (1996) Le Divorce The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou Live Free Or Die Hard Looking For Richard Mad Love (1995) The Man From Snowy River Margaret The Marine Marked For Death The Marrying Man Martha Marcy May Marlene MASH Max Payne The Maze Runner Medicine Man Melinda And Melinda Metro Miami Rhapsody Miller’s Crossing Moulin Rouge (2001) My Father The Hero Mystery, Alaska The Namesake Nature Boy Never Die Alone The Newton Boys Night Watch (2006) No Mas Nothing To Lose Notorious Office Space One Hour Photo Oscar And Lucinda The Other Woman (2014) Our Family Wedding Out To Sea Pathfinder (2007) Phat Girlz Phone Booth Planet Of The Apes (1968) Planet Of The Apes (2001) Pony Excess The Poseidon Adventure (1972) Post Grad Powder The Preacher’s Wife Pretty Woman Primeval The Puppet Masters The Pyramid Quills Quiz Show Ravenous Rebound Renaissance Man Revenge Of The Nerds Ii: Nerds In Paradise The Ringer Robin Hood (1991) The Rocker Romancing The Stone Ruby Sparks Runaway Bride Rushmore Ruthless People The Savages Say It Isn’t So The Scarlet Letter Sea Of Shadows The Secret Life Of Bees Separate Lies The Sessions Shadow Conspiracy Shallow Hal Shining Through The Siege Signs Simon Birch A Simple Twist Of Fate The Sitter (2011) Six Days, Seven Nights Sleeping With The Enemy Solaris Someone Like You Soul Food Spy Hard Stakeout Starship Troopers Stoker Summer Of Sam Super Troopers (2002) Surrogates Swing Kids Taxi (2004) Terminal Velocity Thank You For Smoking There’s Something About Mary The Thin Red Line (1999) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri Three Fugitives The Three Stooges (2012) Titan A.E. Tombstone Toys Trapped In Paradise Tristan & Isolde Up Close & Personal V.I. Warshawski Veronica Guerin The Village (2004) Von Ryan’s Express Waiting To Exhale Waitress Waking Life The War Of The Roses The Watch (2012) The Waterboy The Way Way Back What’s Love Got To Do With It When A Man Loves A Woman White Men Can’t Jump William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet Win Win Woman On Top Working Girl (1988) The X-Files

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The X-Files: I Want To Believe

Disney+ UK, now including Star is available for £7.99 per month

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imawarfield631 · 3 years

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alexboehm55144 · 3 years

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Alex Final Wars 2: Dark Alex, Chapter 32 - Lone Human

Captain Boehm sat alone in the cargo bay of a large aircraft, flying high above the earth. The vehicle was so high that the captain needed a sealed tactical suit with a breathing apparatus, covering every inch of his pale skin. The only noise was the deafening aircraft engines and Alex's rhythmic breathing against the clear fog-resistant faceplate on his helmet.

"How are you doing, Alex?" JayJay asked through the radio from some other location.

"I'm ok. I checked everything. My suit is sealed, I have my weapon and ammo, my parachute looks good, and I checked to make sure the Fulton device looks like it's working. I'll get in there, grab the general, and get out."

"Alright, but you be careful, ok? Just make sure you get home."

"Of course, Jay. Hey, I have you waiting for me back at home, don't I?"

The wolf didn't say anything, but Alex could tell she was blushing. The voice of the pilot came through.

"Prepare for jump, 60 seconds."

"Listen, Jay, I gotta go. Take care. I'll see you later."

"Ok, I'll be waiting for you." The wolf said, then made a kissing sound.

"30 seconds." The pilot said.

The Heroes leader prepared himself, steadying his nerves. He grabbed hold of the metal handles on either side of the small cargo bay as the bay doors below opened up.

"10 seconds."

Alex could see the curved earth far below him. The sun reflecting off the sea, clouds blowing in the wind, and mighty mountain ranges.

"Jump!"

The captain let go of the metal handles and plunged down towards the planet. He was now truly alone in the border between sky and space. The earth slowly grew closer and closer, as Alex could hear air racing by him as he continued his descent. Below him was China's countryside, stretched out in all its glory, brimming with people, cities, and natural landscapes.

Using this moment of peace, the captain went over what intelligence had been gathered about the prison. There would be plenty of guards at the site, locks equipped with retinal scanners, and most likely a heavily geared up armed response team. But it was Nothing that couldn't be handled.

As he neared the ground, holographic numbers appeared on the glass faceplate of the helmet Alex was wearing.

"5..... 4...... 3...... 2...... 1......"

Rapidly blinking words flashed across his glass faceplate.

"DEPLOY! DEPLOY! DEPLOY!"

The captain fumbled for a second and then pulled the cord on his backpack, quickly slowing down as the parachute unfurled and decreased his velocity.

The ground came closer and closer, appearing dark expanse of forest, rock, dirt, and trees. He directed himself towards a small clearing in a group of trees and landed. The captain disconnected the parachute in a flash and started to bundle it up upon touching the ground. He tucked the parachute back into his kit in a position where it wouldn't hinder his movement or fighting. Alex didn't want to leave any evidence behind that someone might discover.

The Chinese prison would only be a short trek away, and the captain was ready. He carried a pistol and a semi-auto rifle, both silenced. Alex's eyes picked out a few lights ahead and a chainlink fence. He crept up to the metal structure and used a small laser cutting device to breach the wall before transitioning to the other side. His eyes continuously scanned for Chinese guards, taking note of their movements and positions.

Moving into the next area, the captain spotted some guards on patrol, and they would need to be taken down for him to pass. A canine sniper was positioned up in a tower, surveying the entire area. The captain took aim with his rifle and fired a single shot. The bullet cut through the air, striking the canine and putting him down for the count.

Moving ahead, Alex crept behind a pile of containers and gave a small whistle.

"Huh?"

A Chinese guard heard the noise and slowly moved to investigate. When he neared the containers, Alex jumped out and stabbed the soldier in the neck with his knife. The trooper tried to say something, but all that came out was a low gargle as the guard's body was pulled behind the containers.

Two more guards, both humans, were chatting nearby. After exchanging a couple of words, they parted ways and went in separate directions. Alex put them both down with highly accurate headshots from his rifle. One guard left, but he had his back burned and didn't notice what was happening. Before he could make a move, the captain had already silenced him with some SMG shots.

The captain pressed further ahead, entering the prison proper. A pair of security cameras protected the entrance, but they were quickly destroyed with gunfire. The captain tried the door, but it was locked. He moved to an electrical panel on the wall nearby, using brute strength to pull off the metal covering.

He messed around with the wires inside until a small buzzer went off, indicating the door was open. The captain reloaded his weapon and entered the prison. There was a security station directly inside. However, the trio of Chinese guards was busy looking at monitoring screens. Probably wondering why they had suddenly lost the signal from their security cameras outside.

The captain crouched down and slowly moved past the security station windows, going around to the door and opening it.

The guards inside froze, seeing an unknown agent standing there, pistol in hand. A panda guard tried to draw his gun. But before he could raise it to a firing position, captain Boehm had already shot him dead. His body slumped back against the wall and onto the floor.

The other two guards were sure to comply now, for fear of suffering the same fate.

The captain kept his gun trained on the two remaining guards. At the same time, he typed into a computer terminal in the security room, searching through the prisoners' list in the computer system.

While Alex was distracted momentarily, gazing at the computer screen. One of the guards, a tiger, started to move. Without even flinching, Alex aimed his pistol at his chest and squeezed back a little bit on the trigger. The weapon didn't go off, but the tiger got the message and returned to where he was previously.

The captain finally found his objective's name in the prisoner database. It was a foreign name, so it was easy to spot. Tom Jones, a human US general, captured by the PLA, and Alex was here to rescue him. He was located in cell 20. Keeping his gun trained on the guards, Alex backed out of the security station and pointed down the hallway. The guards complied and moved deeper into the prison, soon coming upon a metal door with a retinal lock.

Alex pointed to the lock, and one of the guards, a pig, moved towards it. She opened her eye and allowed the device to scan her. The metal door hummed and opened.

With their usefulness fulfilled, the captain hit both guards on the head with his pistol. Knocking them out before stealing their keys. He advanced into the prison proper, looking at the numbers in the cell doors until he found cell 20. He unlocked the small metal slot in the door and called inside.

"General Jones?"

The human inside instantly got up and went over to the door upon hearing someone with an American accent.

"Yes? Who are you?"

"I'm Captain Alex Boehm. I'm here to rescue you."

The captain passed his pistol to the general through the metal slot used to give out food trays.

"I'm going to open all the cells, that should start a riot and give us cover to escape."

"Ok, be quick now."

The captain left the general's cell and moved towards the prison watchtower, sticking to the shadows and avoiding the guards' eyes. Alex slowly moved up into the tower itself and gunned down both guards inside before they could make a move.

He then moved over to the control panel used to open the cell doors and opened up all of them. He also opened every security door in the prison, which would make escape easier.

Mammals of all sizes moved out into the prison hallways as the captain headed back to the general's cell. A few prisoners gave Alex weird looks as he passed by. But they noticed the American flag on his shoulder and recognized that he was not one of their wardens.

General Jones had already moved out of his cell into the hallway, pistol in his hands. He was a somewhat older man, his face being aged, but his hair and mustache had not turned gray yet. Alex knew all that meant was that he was experienced and could handle himself in combat. His uniform was also redder in color than the other inmates' orange uniforms, indicating he was a high-security prisoner.

"General?"

"Captain?"

"I have an escape plan. We need to get back outside, and then we'll extract via Fulton."

Suddenly, alarm bells rang out, indicating someone had clued in about what was going on inside the prison.

"Guess we better move."

The pair began moving through the prison, weapons at the ready. Many inmates followed close behind, some armed with makeshift weapons, but most had just their claws.

The mob of mammals came upon a single wolf guard with his back turned, facing off against 5 inmates. The inmates had him outnumbered and surrounded, but the guard was armed with a pistol. His aim was rapidly snapping from one inmate to the next. One of the prisoners tried to tackle the guard, but he was quickly gunned down.

Captain Boehm drew his knife and crept up behind the guard before driving the blade deep into his back and putting him down. A cheer erupted from the assembled inmates as one spit on the guard's body, and the American general picked up the discarded pistol, along with some more ammo from the guard. Tucking both items into his clothing.

As the group kept moving forward, through a large holding area and towards a pair of doors, a team of mammals in riot gear suddenly burst through the exit and began to advance. They were dressed head to toe in body armor and carried batons and shields.

Battle cries and howls broke out as both sides surged towards each other. Captain Boehm and General Jones engaged, managing to take down 2 riot troopers. Still, other soldiers blocked the gunfire with their shields.

A wolf trooper ran at the captain, baton in the air, ready to strike down. But Alex grabbed the wolf's wrist and prevented him from striking before breaking the wrist. The wolf screamed, but the captain punched him in the face, breaking the plastic faceplate and knocking the wolf out.

Another riot trooper charged, but Alex dodged the attack, got behind the enemy, and put some rounds in her.

Elsewhere, the general had gotten his hands on one of the guard's buttons and was currently wielding the weapon in his left hand, with one of his pistol in the right.

He gunned down and whacked many guards, all the while the riot troopers and inmates fought around him.

"Boehm! I need ammo!" The general said, tossing Alex the pistol given to him earlier.

The captain caught the pistol and tucked it back in his holster.

"SMG!" The captain yelled, throwing the general his P90 SMG. Both Americans were now armed with a primary weapon and a sidearm.

A riot trooper attacked, forcing the captain to pause what he was saying for a moment to parry the blow and return the hit the soldier with the butt of his rifle.

"AMMO!" Alex threw the general a pouch of ammo and continued to engage the Chinese riot troopers.

Then, through the crowd emerged a large water Buffalo riot guard, repeatedly tapping his baton against the inside of his hoof. Markings on his uniform indicated that he was a commander.

"I'll handle this." Captain Boehm said, moving towards the Buffalo. The guard swung downward, forcing Alex to sidestep the strike. The Buffalo attacked again, forcing Alex to jump as the heavy baton passed under him.

With a brief window, Boehm landed a few shots on the Buffalo. Not enough to kill him, but doing damage. The commander countered and swung with his arm, hitting Alex and sending the human flying backward.

"Ok... ow..." the captain said, getting back on his feet and checking over his body. "Nothing's broken. Let's try that again."

The captain put his rifle on his back and drew his pistol before charging towards the Buffalo.

The guard commander swung, but Alex dodged the attack and jumped up onto the Buffalo's arm. As he ran up the arm, the guard tried to grab the smaller human. But Alex jumped off the arm onto the wall, leaped off the wall, and landed behind the Buffalo's head on the guard's back.

Before the commander could react, Alex shot the Buffalo's hand, causing him to drop the baton. The commander yelled and tried to grab the human, who hunkered down to avoid the strikes.

Boehm tore off the guard's helmet and held onto the Buffalo's horns, hitting the commander's face with his pistol. Using the horns and his sidearm as an extremely rudimentary control scheme, Alex pushed on the horns and forced the Buffalo forward towards a squad of riot troopers. Upon reaching the group, Alex once again bashed the commander's face with his pistol. This caused the Buffalo to flail about widely and slam the ground, knocking down some of the smaller riot guards with his immense strength. Alex directed the Buffalo to another group of guards and made the commander slam into them as well, sending the guards flying backward.

There was no longer any use for the commander. The way was clear of hostiles. The captain leaped off the Buffalo's back and lined up his shot while still in the air. He pulled the trigger, and a group of bullets hit the rear of the commander's head, killing him.

Another cheer erupted from the inmates, and the crowd made haste to the exit doors.

"You can sure as hell fight." General Jones said.

"So can you."

The 2 Americans and the inmates reached the exit. The prisoners immediately started running to get as far away from the prison as they could.

"This way," Alex said, him and the general leaving the inmates and heading towards a construction site.

"Looks like we're clear." General Jones said, scanning the area with his weapon at the ready.

"Ok, put this on," Alex said, taking out a harness and putting it on the general.

Suddenly gunfire erupted nearby, and the pair of Americans readied their weapons.

"Armed response team." The general said.

"Take cover."

The pair ducked behind parts of a concrete foundation in the construction site.

A group of 5 Chinese soldiers in full combat gear entered the area—their rifles at the ready.

2 soldiers were gunned down by Alex and Jones before they could get to cover. The remaining trio returned fire, forcing the Americans to take cover.

Jones lined up a headshot on one Chinese trooper and pulled the trigger.

Captain Boehm targeted a soldier moving from cover to cover and sprayed him with bullets.

The last soldier was outnumbered and swiftly eliminated.

"We're clear." The general said, checking twice to make sure there was no one else in the vicinity.

"More will be here soon. We need to get out of here."

Captain Boehm clipped his own harness to the generals and attached a small device to the pair. He activated the device, and the hiss of pressurized air could be heard. A white balloon inflated, growing bigger and bigger as it climbed into the sky.

The balloon was connected to the 2 Americans by a tough cord. The cable itself blinked with lights as if it was bioluminescent. This was the Fulton device, and it would get them out of Chinese territory.

A plane's engines' dull roar could be heard as a disguised cargo plane above spotted the glowing balloon and cord and started to line up with them.

On the ground, Jones and Alex heard the footsteps of more approaching Chinese soldiers. The metal components of their combat gear jingled as they moved.

The two Americans were stuck in 1 spot, weapons at the ready, as the plane grew closer and closer.

The Chinese troops entered the construction site, but before anyone could fire, the plane snagged the balloon and cord, pulling Alex and Jones into the air. The Chinese troops could only watch astonished as their targets disappeared into the night sky.

American airmen inside the cargo plane pulled Alex and Jones inside the aircraft before closing the cargo hatch.

Captain Boehm took off his helmet and ran a hand through his brown hair.

General Jones offered his own hand for the captain to shake.

"It was an honor to fight by your side." The general said. "I owe you my life for getting me out of there. Thank you."

Alex returned the favor and shook the general's hand.

"The honor was all mine. And with you free, we'll make some serious headway against the Chinese."

00000000

I hope everyone is enjoying this story! Please don't forget to give feedback! I am going back to college soon, so I don't know when the next update will be. But it is my new year's resolution to finish this story this year, and I am committed to do so! So stay tuned!

#writing #fanfiction #creative writing #fanfic #action adventure #action #Adventure #Alex final wars #Alex final wars 2: dark alex #Alex final wars 2 #dark alex #zootopia #zootopia fanfic #zoophobia #zoophobia fanfic #Alex boehm #jayjay

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yuckitup-jwd · 4 years

Text

Fulldekisms Part 2

He writes blank checks on a closed account.

He'd screw up a two-car funeral procession.

He'll eventually qualify as a Darwin Award winner.

He's a General Protection Fault trigger.

He's a man on a mission, but can't find his dossier.

He's as soppy as a sack. (British)

He's been invited to every party in town... Once.

He's completely West Ham. (Two stops short of Barking on theLondon Underground.)

He's diagnosable.

He's in a federal witless protection program.

He's not a complete idiot -- some parts are missing.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

He's really into himself... His head is up his ass.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

He's so dense, the Titanic wouldn't sink in his head.

Hears everything that a dog can.

Hears more lyrics on records when they're played backwards.

Her access time approaches infinity.

Her ancestors came to this country looking for bananas.

Her ass is sucking swamp gas.

Her blender doesn't go past "mix".

Her body is rejecting her.

Her brain cells are as hard to isolate as <your favoritepolitician's> concern for his/her electorate.

Her brain comes with single-bit error detection and half-assederror correction.

Her brain has a corrupted filesystem / someone needs to runfsck on her brain.

Her brain is as useless as a mule's gonads.

Her brain is more like a Rube Goldberg device than a computer.

Her cache is incoherent.

Her career is just taking off -- she's never at work.

Her closet is full of hangars, but no clothing.

Her dentist went deaf from the drill's echoes.

Her dialing thumb must be broken.

Her display is always flashing 12:00.

Her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

Her ears serve the same function as holes in a dribble glass.

Her face is a threat to clocks everywhere.

Her files are compressed 100%.

Her finals are burned out.

Her friends took her aside, and left her there. -- Ron Richards

Her gene pool could use a little chlorine / a good filter.

Her head doesn't cast a shadow.

Her head needs a periodic whack on the side.

Her input pipe is broken.

Her interrupt handler hit a loop.

Her IQ is the reason they had to invent negative/imaginary numbers.

Her kid is an honor student, but she's still an idiot.

Her leads need resoldering.

Her learning curve is fractal.

Her lint trap is full.

Her lists are unlinked.

Her memory is truly random-access.

Her mental function can be graphed with a single dot.

Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes.

Her mind is not grounded to a logic supply.

Her mind might have spontaneously combusted.

Her mind would be unstable even mounted on a tripod.

Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier.

Her objects are not fully oriented.

Her only hope for brainpower is vacuum point energy.

Her personal problems can only be solved using high explosives.

Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk.

Her pool balls don't fit into the rack.

Her positronic matrix won't reboot.

Her purpose in life is to balance out the bell curve.

Her random access is the same as her sequential access.

Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now.

Her ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill.

Her stack has been corrupted.

Her synapses are about |that| far apart.

Her system file has zero bytes.

Her tires are a little low.

Her wheels are turning but she's upside down. -- U2

Her wipers don't touch the glass.

Her word length is zero bits.

Hid behind the door when they passed out brains.

High relative humidity... He's lost in a fog.

His access light's on, but the drive isn't spinning / isstill spinning up.

His accumulator overflows at zero.

His actual mileage varies.

His antenna/radio doesn't pick up all the channels/stations.

His boot block is in a bad sector.

His boot ROM has a bad checksum.

His brackets are mismatched.

His brain could be the perfect dielectric.

His brain is sueing for neglect.

His brain was sold separately and they were out of stock.

His brain would rattle around in a gnat's navel.

His bread ain't done.

His buffer is full.

His clutch is slipping.

His data bus stops for red lights.

His deck has no face cards.

His elevator is stuck between floors.

His face is on a coin... On the edge.

His family tree is a telephone pole.

His family wasn't dysfunctional until he arrived.

His freelist is empty.

His future is behind schedule. -- Bob Thaves

His gene line isn't just dead, it's extinct.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. -- Robin Williams

His grades were so bad, after school he couldn't even getinto prison. -- Shannon Sharpe

His grey matter is brown / doesn't matter.

His head whistles in a cross wind.

His home page is out of order.

His home planet is flat.

His IQ test results were negative / IQ is a false positive.

His jack can't get the car off the ground.

His military nomenclature is ID-10-T (idiot).

His mind is a few Hertz off its assigned frequency.

His mind is great at error magnification.

His mind is less substantial than the Emperor's new clothes.

His mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime. -- Allision

His mind is write-protected/write-only.

His mind reached escape velocity and achieved orbit.

His mind wandered and never came back.

His motto is: Space, the final frontier.

His mouth rarely makes calls to his brain.

His only hope for sexual variety is vegetables / to change hands.

His outgoing message starts with, "Hello, Mr. Answering Machine."

His page was intentionally left blank.

His picture is in the dictionary under "zero".

His pointers are null/uninitialized.

His puzzle is missing a few pieces.

His reaction time is longer than his attention span. -- Thaves

His root file system isn't mounted.

His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.

His shared libraries aren't installed.

His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.

His signature is long, boring, and stupid, but it's the bestpart of his postings.

His spark can't jump the gap.

His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.

His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack.

His strings aren't null-terminated.

His strip is demagnetized.

His system administrator is never in.

His train tracks aren't quite parallel.

His URL denies outside access.

His watch dog is sleeping.

His Wheaties have been in the milk too long.

His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts.

His wits have left the rails and are careening about the countryside.

His X, Y, and Z axes don't meet at the origin.

Hitler's evil twin.

Holds a grudge until it dies of old age, then has it stuffed andmounted. -- David Weber

Hyperspatially interconnected / permanently disconnected neural net.

Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken.

I like him; he reminds me of when I was young and stupid.

I would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire.

I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what hethinks he's worth.

I've worn dresses with higher IQs than his.

If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.

If brains were chocolate, he wouldn't have enough for an M&M.

If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow hernose / her hat off / the wax out of her ears.

If brains were farts, he couldn't stink up the inside of a matchbox.

If brains were gasoline, he couldn't ride a moped around a fruit loop.

If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup.

If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.

If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a flea.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.

If dumb were dirt, he'd be an acre.

If fashion law is ever enforced, he'll be found guilty withouthope of parole.

If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week.

If he didn't exist, he wouldn't be worth inventing.

If he donated his brain to science it'd set civilization back 50 years.

If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universewill come true.

If he had a lobotomy he'd depressurize.

If he had another brain (cell), it would be lonely.

If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.

If he had console lights, we would see only the idle loop patterns.

If he had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.

If he were an Indian, Custer would be alive today / would havedied of old age.

If he were any brighter he'd be in the visible spectrum.

If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.

If his brain were a hard drive, it would back up on a single floppy.

If his brains were money, he'd still be in debt.

If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.

If ignorance were bliss, she'd be orgasmic.

If it's not in his horoscope/tea leaves, he doesn't take it seriously.

If men were dominoes, he would be the double-blank. -- P.G. Wodehouse

If not for his scrotum, he would lose his balls.

If sex appeal were dynamite, he couldn't blow the cobwebsoff his balls.

If she had a disk we could upgrade her with DOS 3.0.

If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.

If stupidity hurt, he'd go through life on a morphine drip.

If stupidity were a crime, he'd be number one on the Most Wanted list.

If the government ever declared war on stupidity, he'd get nuked.

If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now.

If they each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain.

If they knock heads, implosion will suck all the air out of the room.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

If wit were shit, he'd be constipated.

If you called him a wit, you'd be half right.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

Ignorant, and proud of it.

Immune from any serious head injury.

Immune to caffeine and all other stimulants.

In a tub of Preparation H, he'd shrink down to thumb size.

In his optimum environment, he'd be locked in a life and deathstruggle with mushrooms.

In line for brains, thought they said pains, and said, "No, thanks".

In line for brains, thought they said trains, and asked for onewith lots of steam / said his dad just bought him one.

In line for brains, thought they said were handing out milkshakes,and he asked for "extra thick."

In need of a ROM upgrade.

In serious need of attitude adjustment.

In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little fartherapart than most.

In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy store.

In touch with her higher power, but out of touch with the rest of us.

Includes a "thank you" note with her tax returns.

Infinite space between her ears.

Informationally deprived.

Inhabits her own private timezone.

Inspected by #13.

Inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

Intellectually/synaptically challenged.

Intelligence somewhere between a pet rock and egg white.

Invented a pencil with an eraser on each end.

Invented a submarine with a screen door.

IQ = dx / (1 + dx), where x = age.

IQ lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.

It's hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.

Just another flash in the bedpan.

Just asleep, but others worry that he's dead.

Keeps his imagination on a long leash.

Kept an open mind -- and his brains fell out.

Keywords: generalizations clue get

Knitting with only one needle.

Knows his sports, but his understanding is limited to violence.

Landed with his gear/brain up and locked.

Leaky sunroof.

Left hand threaded.

Left his booster on the launch pad.

Left the store without all of his groceries.

Leveled off before reaching altitude.

Life by Norman Rockwell, but screenplay by Stephen King.

Lightbulb over his head is burned out.

Lights / porch lights are on but nobody's home.

Lights not burning too bright.

Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top.

Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.

Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.

Likes dunking for french fries.

Likes to execute his data.

Little red choo-choo's gone chugging 'round the bend /jumped the track.

Lives in La-la-land.

Lives in the same world, but a different universe.

Lives just up the street from the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.

Living proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit tohuman stupidity.

Living proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Living proof that God did die back in the 60s.

Living proof that God has a sense of humor.

Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.

Living proof that there's ALWAYS someone worse off than you.

Long on drywall, short on studs.

Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.

Looks for the "Any" key.

Looks just like Bill Gates.

Loose chip on the microprocessor board.

Loose wire to his headset/ringer.

Lost his marbles.

Lots of silverware on his table, but no plates.

Loves a good insult, but can never remember any.

Low on thinking gas.

Low-bandwidth as an information source.

Luckily these types kill themselves before reproducing... Thinkof it as evolution in action. -- Larry Niven

Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps.

Made a career out of mid-life crisis.

Mainspring's wound too tight.

Makes a black hole look bright.

Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good.

Meandering to a different drummer.

Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written.

Mental software is Version 1.0 / still in beta test.

Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.

Metronome needs oil.

Might look like he's doing nothing, but at the cellular levelhe's really quite busy.

Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind.

Mind like a steel sieve.

Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice /nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut / someday it willsnap shut and swallow his face.

Missed her last four scheduled tune-ups.

Missed the last train to Clue Junction. -- Rev Billy Wirtz

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.

Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.

Monorail doesn't go all the way to Tomorrowland.

Mooring lines don't reach the dock.

More armpits than brain cells.

More marbles in a spray-paint can than brains in his head.

Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.

Moves his lips to pretend he's reading.

Must have ignored a knock-down pitch.

Nearly lives up to her full potential as a dumb blond.

Nearly on a higher plane, but lost his boarding pass.

Needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.

Needs a checkup from the neck up.

Needs a little remedial evolution.

Needs a stepladder to pick his nose.

Needs an operating manual for a screwdriver.

Needs another brain to make half-wit.

Needs both hands to wipe his behind.

Needs front end alignment.

Needs his disk checked/reformatted.

Needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so theycan be tied in the back.

Neither left-brained nor right-brained. -- Bob Thaves

Nervous as a long-tailed bobcat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Network constantly loses packets.

Neurons are firing non-sequentially.

Never finishes a thoug

Never had a headcold in her life since diseases can't existin a vacuum.

Never misses an episode of her screensaver.

Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world. -- Van Jacobson

Nice color but not enough wattage.

Nice house but not much furniture / nobody lives there.

Nine pence in the shilling.

Nine rooms; no furniture.

Nineteen cents short of a paradigm.

No bubble in his gauge. (Refers to a submarine dive gauge.)

No charge in her synapses.

No coins in the old fountain.

No filter in the coffeemaker.

No grain in the silo.

No hands on the rudder/yoke.

No hay in the loft.

No one at the throttle.

No ROM basic.

No salt in his socks. (Land-lubber or green sailor.)

No tar in his hemp. (Tar preserves a hemp (marijuana) line; thisphrase means one has been smoking his rope.)

No wind in her mind's windmills.

Not all his dogs are barking.

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life.

Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible.

Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.

Not done evolving yet.

Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.

Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter.

Not enough bullets for Russian Roulette.

Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen.

Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.

Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.)

Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders.

Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight.

Not hard-docked.

Not inflated to 90 PSI / head is stamped "inflate to 40 PSI".

Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.)

Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.

Not only rude, but ugly too.

Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game).

Not ready for prime time.

Not running on full thrusters.

Not shooting pool on a level table.

Not so much of a has-been, as a won't-be.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor /crayon in the box.

Not the full quid.

Not the hottest burner on the stovetop.

Not the same since they took him off his medication.

Not the sharpest knife/spoon in the drawer / tool in the shed /nail in the box / quill on the porcupine.

Not Turing equivalent.

Not within a bull's roar. (A term used by lawn bowlers.)

Not worth henshit on a pump handle.

Not worth pissin' on.

Not wrapped too tight.

Nothing between the stethoscopes.

Nothing on her radar.

Numb as a post / pounded thumb.

Number 'n a hake. (New England expression; a notoriously stupid fish.)

Nutty as a fruitcake.

Of all the things he's lost, he misses his mind the most.

Off by one.

Off his rocker/trolley.

Oil doesn't reach his dipstick.

On permanent/unexcused leave of absence from his senses.

On the batting end of a no-hitter.

One anna short of a rupee.

One bead short in her rosary.

One bean short of chili.

One bean shy of full strength.

One beer short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.

One bird short of a flock.

One bit short of a byte/word.

One blade short of a sharp edge. -- Nanci Griffith

One block short of a filesystem.

One board short of a porch.

One bomb/melon short of a full load.

One boot stuck in the sand.

One bottom short of a bucket.

One brick short of a wall/hod/load/pile.

One bumper/rail short of a bank shot.

One bun/donut short of a dozen.

One byte short of a checksum.

One byte short of a full 256K SIMM.

One car short of a chase scene.

One card/marble short of a full deck.

One chapter short of a novel.

One chicken short of a henhouse.

One chip short of a cookie.

One chip short of a megabyte.

One citation short of a footnote.

One clearance short of landing/take off.

One clown short of a circus.

One clue short of a solution.

One cold solder joint.

One color short of a full deck. (A half-wit.)

One color short of color-coordinated.

One couplet short of a sonnet.

One course short of a degree. (As in: "I've got a degree inhome economics, but I was only one course short of adegree in advanced nuclear physics.")

One crayon short of a full box.

One crouton short of a salad.

One cup and saucer short of a place setting.

One cylinder short of a full re-format.

One diamond short of a ring.

One dimension short of reality.

One doughnut short of being a cop.

One drool bib short of neat and tidy.

One drop short of an empty bladder.

One ear short of a bushel.

One electron shy of a full shell / noble gas arrangement.

One feather short of a whole duck.

One fish short of a string.

One floor below the poopdeck.

One flower short of an arrangement.

One flying buttress short of a cathedral.

One foot in the future, one foot in the past, pissing on the present.

One french fry / hamburger short of a Happy Meal.

One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.

One fruit short of a basket.

One gene short of a full chromosome.

One goose short of a gaggle.

One grape short of a bunch.

One guppy short of an aquarium.

One handle short of a suitcase.

One harmonic short of a tubular bell.

One hot pepper short of an enchilada.

One inch short of a foot/yard.

One inspection short of passing.

One kangaroo short in her top paddock.

One kernel short of an ear.

One key short of a piano.

One kopek short of a ruble.

One link short of a chain.

One live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.

One measure short of a staff.

One miracle short of being where he thinks he's at.

One miracle wouldn't be enough to help him.

One monkey short of a full hundred.

One node short of a network.

One nut short of a full pouch.

One of the early failures of electroshock therapy.

One open splice.

One pancake short of a stack.

One pane short of a window.

One pea short of a pod/casserole.

One peak short of a chromatogram.

One pearl short of a necklace.

One pickle short of a jar.

One pie short of a holiday.

One plane short of an Air Force / hangar.

One point short of a polygon.

One prayer short of absolution.

One press short of a CAPS LOCK key. (Types all uppercase.)

One punch/swing/hit short of a fight.

One quark short of a hadron.

One republic short of an empire.

One revision behind.

One sandwich/apple/ant short of a picnic.

One saucer short of a tea-service.

One scallop short of a seafood platter.

One screw loose.

One screw shy of a final assembly.

One sentence short of a paragraph.

One shade short of a rainbow.

One sheep short of a sweater.

One shingle short of a roof, and the water's getting in.

One ship short of a full fleet.

#fulldeckisms #nerdjokes #personalityjokes

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sawsbuck-coffee · 7 years

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See, the thing about fire is that it’s got a hunger to it, an unquenchable wanting that’s always reaching for more. It’s this exact thing that burns in you, that drives you farther and farther up the wall while simultaneously running you straight into the ground. You wonder how anyone ever survives this. You wonder how you’ll survive this. You with your reckless grins and heart beating like a drum, crushing all who ever dared to stand in your way. That fluttering, half numb feeling of third degree burns inside of your your chest, standing tall, taking breaths as the pain fades away. You are an immortal in a world made of stone with a tendency toward war. In a world about as hopeful as being woefully lost in the desert is. You are an immortal and you are trying to make yourself new in a blaze of fire with vitriol pressed behind your eyes, behind your too sharp teeth, just under your fingernails and your tongue ; feeling it pulsing through your veins in the same way that one feels their heartbeat in their chest. You feel it and you’d like nothing more than to burn it all away and let your flesh be ash and your bones be charcoal and smoke to fill your lungs. You are immortal and you’d like nothing more than to strike a match against this world and burn it, taking yourself with it and drawing up a new one in swirls of ash. The thing about fire is that the right fervor of flame can melt even the coldest of hearts. You were not born alone, you have never truly been alone. Even when no one else would talk you you because your love for matches and knack for destruction sent every sane person running, your sister has always been there. To this day your sister is half the reason you ever get anything done. You two could not be more different, and yet you are so the same. You are both destructive and caught in the throes of relentless desire; you for a brand new start, her for everything. Your sister has never wanted anything less than the world at her feet and you think about that longing fire, that longing for fire, and you wonder what her greed feels like, if it twists, controls, and consumes her like yours does to you. You are immortal and she is immortal and you’re intertwined and yet hardly separate, might as well be one person with the way that you stick by each other and look like each other and act like each other. Except that she doesn’t have your anger and you don’t have her charm. You are immortal and she is attached to you on a bone deep level and you’re attached to her too. Her glitter and your burn feeding off of and fueling each other, fueling each other for better and brighter and more. It’s like you’re not even separate; you never have been separate. It is you and her together and, as she likes to say, that is how it is always going to be. You see him first like bright light reflecting off of black ice; hidden and yet so obvious. He’s all cloaked in his ice and shadows and stiff posture, a detached and smug look on his face. A kind of stiffness that covers up a blinding light inside. Cumulonimbus clouds dark and gray and crackling with electricity. Crackling with anticipation. Crackling and cracking a smile and hiding everything. You love him anyways. You love him like he’s a spark and you’re a forest of dry wood. You love him like you’ve never known how to love before he came along. You love him like thunder and he loves you like lightning and there’s a deluge coming down to accompany it all. Torrential rainfall that can’t stop this lightning born fire. He loves you back. You are immortal and he is immortal and you two could not be more wrong or more right for each other. There’s a world of difference between the two of you and supposedly opposites attract but you would wager that whoever said that didn’t quite have the two of you in mind. You love him like a wildfire with all of your heat, and your fury, and your blinding light, and he loves you like a thunderstorm, white hot lightning dancing across the dark gray sky, reflecting off of his sunny day cloud white teeth. Your skin prickling with static electricity when he laces his hand through yours. You both are immortal and nothing has ever been more destructive or more right. You meet her in the autumn and she talks like mercury and laughs like the full moon. Her hand fits in yours like heat melting metal and you are not sure which one of you is melting faster. You love her like you are talc and she is diamond, like you’ve got no hope for ever being as perfect as she is or as invulnerable. She chose you and you know it and you are very acutely aware of how lucky that makes you. And she’s just like you and your sister and your lightning boy, because of course she is. Of course she’s got that inherent wanting; she wants power and nothing else, she wants control and nothing else, she wants absolute perfection and nothing else. Because she is perfect, and she sees a world that can be as perfect as she is with her controlling is all. She was born to lead as much as you were born to burn. But you soon find that she can burn just like you can. Except that she can’t; she can’t really catch fire but she sure is corrosive, that beautiful silver mercury that leaves behind horrific burns, that mark you and it kind of hurts but the pain is so worth it. Because you know she’d walk through fire for you. You are immortal and she is immortal and you love her like a car crash; twisted metal and shattered glass and you’re sprawled out on the ground and already bloody, like you can smell the impending explosion from here, like you don’t want to move away, like you want to feel the heat and the shrapnel wash over you because it’s what you’ve always wanted. You love her like you’re laying on your roof staring up at the starless night sky. A blanket of invisible clouds that only part for the bright silver moon above that is the only light you need. Singular and bright in shining silver. Like you’ve got this fixation on her and she’s certainly not complaining. Like she is the bright moon and you pray fervently to a god you don’t believe in that she may always grace you with her light. You are an immortal and she is as perfect as a well cut diamond, with a hard heart and cold, vicious eyes. You love her eyes, the color of liquid steel with hate seething behind them, lighting a permanent fire behind them and maybe she’s what you’ve been looking for all this time. You are immortal and you possess each other as much as the others do; and it’s perfect, and she is perfect, and this is perfect. He’s beautiful; beautiful like a splatter paint mural, beautiful like classic art, beautiful like the flowers in that florist’s shop you pass by everyday, beautiful like a beating heart and sweet as rosewater spiked with rubbing alcohol. He grins and giggles and it’s all like sunshine, like roses, like earthquakes. It is as beautiful as it is destabilizing. Adrenaline and fear pool together in your stomach, as giddy as it is awful. There’s no word for it really, but you sure feel it. In the oddest part of your mind you associate his red lips with blood and fire as much you do with roses. You are immortal and he is immortal and together you're like a meteor shower; all bright flashes and high falls and terminal velocity, fallen from a cosmos that never belonged to you in the first place. All impact and color in low atmosphere; the two of you grinning wildly and gripping onto each other for dear life in this deadly plummet. He is earth shaking, you think, crater leaving. He rattles and destabilizes for the fun of it all, because he relishes in shock that registers and you wonder how you never saw the person he really is before. You are immortal and he is immortal and, frankly, he scares the living hell out of you but it's a good kind of fear. Like the kind that sends tremors through your chest and makes your teeth rattle, every nerve kicking into overdrive and sending you into a flurry of twitchy delirium. Every time he smiles your heart practically tries to jump from your chest, both struck by how beautiful he is and just knowing that he's got some idea that's likely to get you both killed. You are immortal and he is immortal and like you said, meteor shower. Red and blue flashes over the desert like falling stardust, like you two were ever stars at all. It might just leave you broken to pieces, you think, and maybe it's not quite the burn that you wanted. Not the all consuming, flesh charring kind; but it's something. She is cosmic; beautiful, and perfect, and everything, absolutely everything. And those truths hit you like a bus, on time and predictable; like a supernova, neither of those things, but absolutely with a force that nearly knocks you off your feet. You look at her and she looks up at the sky like she doesn’t know that the stars are dying, like she doesn’t know that she’s more important than they’ll ever be, like she doesn’t know the gravity that she has, pulling you close and locking you in orbit around her brilliance. To your knowledge, there is nothing in this life that she cannot do, she could probably defy gravity by sheer force of will and you are so lucky that she likes you, that she loves you. Loves you like a black hole, like the heart of the sun, like the heat of a star gone supernova. She tips her head back and looks up at the stars like they matter and you see every constellation reflecting back in her black eyes, pulling the universe closer to the ground and the stars could all go out but you would still see them in her eyes. She acts like a shadow, like a ghost, like death itself. She acts like all of this except that you know good and well that she may be. That she just might be the bad end you and the others don’t have coming; that she is a living ghost, haunting your dreams and your waking moments like nothing else; but she is still alive, and so are you, and so are they. You are immortal and she is stardust, you are ash and she is immortal, and you would rip nebulas out of the sky to see her happy even though they pale in comparison to her beauty; to her hair and her eyes black like the night of a new moon, to her shadow-like flawless beauty. You are immortal and she is immortal and she just might be the fire that you’ve always been looking for; a supernova that could destroy you in an instant. Wouldn’t that be a way to go. You are immortal and she is immortal and she’s always been a little afraid to die, afraid like she can die, afraid like she isn’t death itself. Death herself, actually. Your stardust girl who wants to be swallowed up by all that she can do for this world but is so afraid to drown. Your stardust girl who is different from you on the most fundamental level; you welcome death by fire and she is terrified to drown. You ask her once if she’d rather burn to death, on the topic of undoing, and she looks you very seriously in your eyes and asks you if you’d ever want to drown and you stare into those black pits that seem to swallow all of the light in the room and something in you trembles. Needless to say, those weren’t questions that ever got answered. You are immortal and she is immortal and sometimes you forget the way that you are rage and nothing else but she is the entire cosmos; she is everything, yes everything, but sometimes you look at those smooth, very mortal looking hands and it’s hard to remember that she’s so much more than skin. You are immortal and she is immortal and both of you wrestle with the idea of death in your own way and it’s what sets you apart, that notion that you just might die that the others don’t have. Because of course, you’re not really immortal. You’re just breathless and standing at the edge of the world like you own it. The only thing at all making you deathless is your own repulsive hubris. As if you might just be infinite, whole, not completely crazy. You think. Because if you couldn’t die than what would you have? What would you do with all of that wanting in your chest? You are empty inside without the one thing that fills you, that makes you, that propels you forward. You’ve got want and nothing else. You’ve got fear and nothing else. You’ve go a match and a can of gasoline and absolutely nothing else. Except that you don’t. Except that you have them and they are immortal and they’re not going anywhere. If being with your sister is how it’s always going to be, she says with a smirk and with gold dripping from her long hair, then how are you supposed to burn out? And then she laughs like she already knows the answer. Even your shadow girl, your drowning girl, your life and death girl agrees that she’s not going anywhere, that she’s going to linger and so are you. And your rose colored, blood colored, red in color boy laughs too. And again it creates earthquakes in your chest, rattling your heart around without him ever having to speak a word. And your storm boy speaks like rain, like a spark straight into your chest and it’s a warming, electrifying kind of pain. But it’s your mercury girl, moonlight girl, perfectly cut diamond girl that smiles at you, and drops the match. And you go up in flames like you’ve always wanted. Except that you don’t die. Except that you don’t crumble to dust and decay, you do not whither, you do not die. You burn. You burn brightly enough to rival the sun, to rival every star in the sky, to rival the most cataclysmic of supernovas. You burn and it doesn’t kill you, it consumes you; it runs up your skin and catches on your hair and rather than it all crumbling away, it catches and spreads and you become what you always thought would save you. You’ve got fire and nothing else. You’ve got heat and nothing else. You’ve got bright burning and thing else. You’ve got love and nothing else. You are fire; fire and high octane heartbeats and raze and pine scented smoke and heat rippling off of you in waves. You are light of the worst kind, you are as deadly as they come, leaving no survivors and nothing left in your wake. The phrase ‘scorched earth policy’ was made to describe you and the exact sort of trouble that follows you around. The kind that leaves only shriveled black corpses, ash, and the choking scent of smoke and gasoline. You, whose fire is unimaginable, unforgettable, and entirely unrivaled. You are immortal and they are immortal and you’re all walking the line of self-immolation every day of your lives with nowhere to go but up. You are campfires and fuses and gasoline and the widest grin you’ve ever worn. You are immortal and you don’t know the meaning of the word restraint, if you ever knew it than you dropped it from your vocabulary a long time ago, burning the word from your mind. You are immortal and you were fated for this; this is your everything, this is your life and this is the death you don’t have coming. Ever. It’s certainly not what you deserve and it’s not at all the ashes you imagined, but it everything that you ever could have asked for. It is the stars torn directly from the sky, the earth shattering song, it is yours and you don’t deserve it but you will fight heaven and hell to keep it. You, who talks like the air before an explosion and grins like the big bang; with your match-flare moments of genius and gasoline soaked veins. May the rest of your life be like this. You are immortal and they are immortal and totally immoral and you think you’re gonna fit in with them just fine. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, but theres a light in the middle. A light from the people who never made it to the end, who hunkered down in the darkness and made a light of their own, the flames flickering bright, illuminating their beauty and you think that they’ve never looked better in this light of this burning world, never more beautiful than in the fallout of everything around your little protective circle. You are more than happy to let the fire dance on your skin, not at all burning, and you can laugh about it all. Laugh about the fire, about the impact and the burning and the fallout of the stars. The trouble doesn’t matter at all and neither does anything but them. And you can laugh, laugh like cataclysm, laugh like an explosion, laugh like a raging fire and know that none of it will ever change a thing. Yes, may the rest of your life, the rest of eternity, be exactly like this; every single one of you knowing for sure that you’re all fated for this life. Just a bunch of death’s rejects walking the edge of a knife.

Gasoline

#this was really heavily inspired by writingfromtheruins and kingsofchaos #despite the poem having literally nothing to do with the fahc universe #poetry #incoherent rambling

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