#Just dont feel weird if your process is ugly or weird

[matchheadz]

THIS IS NOT A TUTORIAL

So I like to draw. That much is clear. In fact, I went to school for it! For an exorbadent amount of money, actually. Well, not drawing. Animation specifically but thats not the point.

I like to draw, but for a long time I felt like I couldn't because my 'process' was rather ridiculous. Or at least, I felt like it. I still sort of feel like it. I want to remind people here that your process doesn't have to look clean or pretty or whatever, because nobody (unless you go to an art college in that case just get in the habit of saving custom layouts for projects, trust me) is going to see it.

I call my sketchbook my 'shitbook' because its full of stuff that will never see the light of day. Blind contour drawings. Random mixtures of shapes. Observational drawings with little notes to myself. Don't worry about those 'aesthetic journals.' Fuck 'em, I say. Life is messy as shit, let your sketchbook show that.

So today I wanna show you the absolute mess that is my process. I like to take screenshots during a painting or sketch that I feel is pivotal in my learning process so I can see if I took the right direction or not. As a result, I have a ton of these .pngs lying around. Lets look at one:

What the fuck is that? EW! THATS UGLY! Hold on, what about this one:

Hmm, well what about this- wait what the fuck is this

These are all thumbnails/sketches from IT projects I did maybe two or three yearrs ago. These never saw the light of day, save for maybe a joke post or to a partner involved in a project. These were for me to look at, to carve out. These don't have good anatomy. They're not the final composition. Sometimes they're in a completely different style. Point is,

These are my versions of thumbnails. It's how I plan my shots, my layout, my composition, my expressions. Is some of it pretty? Maybe? Is most of it absolutely vile? YES. And I love it that way. The dirtier the better, as I like to think. Its a thought process. I want my thumbnails to look like I'm thinking so I can combine those thoughts. For example, I'll show you the last Vergil painting I just did and all the steps I did with that. Look at this ugly little motherfucker:

This is a strange sketch considering the final product. What I did here was look at the 'jinx pose' from Arcane and be like "hmm. Vergil?" and tried to use the perspective and anatomy. it did NOT work out in this sketch because as you'll see in a second, the rough colors did not work for me. But in this specifically, I focused on the musculatory anatomy of his shoulders, because I knew that was going to be something super defined and important to understand with how odd his vest is. So here are my flats. Sorta:

So at this point I'm clearly focused on the face and my file is still named Vergil Thirst Trap Lol and something clearly isnt working with my perspective. His head and arms are huge, and Vergil might have a grabable waist for some of you but this isn't it. So At this point I'm done with my first sit down and I step away. I come back the next day (during work hehehe) and I get to this at the end.

Alright! Color is looking a little better. Arms are more sculpted and while I'm aligning myself to my sketch more than anything, I'm also very closely looking at my pose reference, thinking about anatomy and my color palette. I step away (I clock out) and I take a minute to look at it. Its... looking better? But theres something off still about that perspective. At this point I'm a little frustrated with this vest and its weird rules. So I bare my teeth and gnash at it:

WHOA WHY THE FUCK HE LOOK SO WEIRD HERE?? Cause I flipped the canvas after painting and didn't realize how odd it looked oops. We'll do some fixing but that face looks nice for now and I think im better understanding the contrast I need through some actual photo editing. So let me tell you the story of Vergil's hair. Its a sad one. It will enrage you. This man had four different itterations. Most of which I can't show you because I painted over them so many times. But heres a screencap of the one I thought was gonna work.

Its NICE. I liked it alot. But the I realized this was not the way things were heading. Hair too swaggy. IMO anyway. I was slowly editing the name from Vergil Thirst Trap lol to Vergil to Vergil has mommy issues. and this hair? It matches the lightning well, but this was more Vergil Fucks. so what was the end result of the body?

more or less this (Those buttons didnt look like that I just realized this screenshot is fucked but you get the idea.) I did some composition editing, some contrast play and more effects, but this was pretty much done. So, like, shit gets messy. Thats not even counting the layer of overlapping reference photos I used because I don't use art boards like a normal person. shit gets messy! Let it get messy. Just clean up when you're done and hopefully you get something you're proud of >:)

[bauhausdog]

i feel weirdly energetic for some reason, (◕‿◕) so im gonna talk about something in my mind a bit.

basically, i think that "learn the rules before you break then" and both "shape language is real, triangle can indicate danger" and "shape language isn't real, look at all these square characters, they have nothing in common" are kinda flawed and highlights what i think its a deeper problem on how we tackle art theory as a whole. Also, i think appeal is subjective and that, actually ugly or "unappealing" things have value.

skip to the star emoji if you just want to read my main point

I don't like how the drawing fundamentals are treated as a single canon, i personally don't believe in a single canon on, uh... pretty much anything, perception, even though there's quite a lot of objective ideas in it (like how lenses work, ambient occlusion, anatomy, etc.), that doesn't mean the way we make those connections and create theories based on them is objective and silver bullet proof. To make my point a bit clearer, I'm specifically talking when people refer to the "fundamentals" as the rules, to further sharpen my point of view, i rarely, if ever, believe in rules in art. To exemplify of what i mean, let's immerse a bit in the world of... uh.. renaissance era, although it would be delightful to rant about centralizing "art" as "beauty and skill" and those as whatever western society at the time thought it was good, i am not and i dont want to make a comparison of bigoted "beauty" guidelines to "uhmmm, not so objective aesthetics" guidelines, but i do want to use a specific pattern of thought in it.

Ok, so, (at least the art we known) from that era looks kinda the same right, that's because they had a somewhat set of ideas and values of what made "something pretty", and "good art", that is, realism = good. Ok, then let's say you, fellow artist, wake up in bed, and decide to read a hypothetical "art rules" book and decide to compare it to the "good art", you see how you should structure the steps of a drawing, how you should apply anatomy, how you should render shit, and so on. "golly gee, that's a bunch load of rubbish if i ever seen one" You might say, but you take another look at your 1500 deviantart gallery book, all of the popular mainstream artworks seem to have followed these steps, right? But there's something missing,

Here's a question, how do you make something new then? art right now doesnt look like reinassaince that much anymore. You might say "oh break the rules", im gonna get to that part, put that in the back of your head. Ok, so, how do you create something new? how would you create artwork? if you were trained like those famous painters, you would probably just follow their steps and mindset, and create similar artwork, but can you break the pattern while upholding restrict art guidelines? imo you can't

"bauhausdog, what does this have to do with cannons?" shhhhhh... im gonna get to that part.

So, art history taught us that, in a nutshell, people just ducked around and finded out, breaking that rigid art canon piece by piece, although it's worth noting that a lot of it was also ideological, but i want to shine a spotlight on the art part of this phenomenon, "art should have realistic colors" lol no, fauvism, "art represents reality" lol no, surrealism, "art should be realistic" lol no, modernism, "art should not be realistic" lol no, naturalism.

people broke that weird rigid old canon, and people learned that they could make new things bc of this experimentation.

Alright, let's tie evertyhing together so far, in the modern day, we have taken a lot of lessons based on these art movements, we absorved a lot of stuff, we have knowledge of almost everything, our process of drawing, our way of arting, our 'artstlye', is super varied, there is a lot of elements at our disposal, we can be as realistic as we can, as cartoonish as we can, we live in the same timeline as tawog and everything everywhere all at once, shows that mix different methodologies, philoshopies of art in one motion picture.

excuse my "middle-upper class got out of art school trust fund guy" term here, but we do live in a hypermodern reality, this is super, super cheesy, but it is everything, all at once :PPP.

Now, let's wrap the previous question, how do you create new stuff? experimenting, literally thinking outside, inside, and about the box, that box being our conception of art, also, the way we conceptualize art is super importqant, i mean, its literally the way our little heads organize what is a art and how do you art a thing.

"bauhausdog, you said something 30 minutes ago about the back of the head", ok, so, to talk abut how we conceptualize art, let's talk about, well, the thing. Until now, my thesis isn't breaking any new ground, i'm not proposing a solution, or at the very least pinpointing a problem, well, i can kill the rest of the birds with just a single stone, a quote stone.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"learn the rules before you break them", it seems reasonable at first, let's break down the phrase, "learn the [rules](...)" what is this "rules"?, well, it's the general notion of art fundamentals, "(...) before you "break" them", what breaking means, exactly? well, if we take fauvism, fauvism was about subverting naturalistic rendering as the "correct pretty" standard, fauvism is basically messing with colors, duck around, find out. This distinction is important to make, in my interpretation, "breaking" is equal to that, experimenting outside a strict set of guidelines.

But wait, did you catch it? the weird connection with these two sentences, "learn this general set of rules, then you can experiment and get to your own conception of what art is", this sounds weirdly similar, where i've heard that before....

this is where it all comes together, follow me on this logic for a bit. Based on what I talked about the art movement argument, i said that previous experimentation (eg: modernism) lead to a better conception about art and its elements in general (eg: learning about abstraction and how to incorporate that on an artwork with modernism), the give-away here is that we build upon to a better and more comprehensive understandment. So, the contradiction to me is, if you need to learn and build upon a certain set of guidelines to then be able to do your own thing, there is something wrong with this set of rules.

To me it is just so weird that these rules just ignore that we live in a world of everything, why a "wrong" color palette is wrong? why airbrushed pillow shading is wrong?

and i'm not crucifying this one phrase, in my opinion, this is part of a wider acceptance of just this general "art guidelines" that you need to learn to improve.

What i am criticizing here is a generalized "art conceptualization canon" that fails to consider the subjectivity of aesthetics and caters to a mainstream type of art, and is tunnel visioned and doesn't teach art beyond the bite sized pieces of information.

I don't have a lot of examples to back this up, but what i do know is, there's no agreed upon, universal opinion on whats appealing or not, what works or what doesn't, what's true or what's not. The only example i will bring up is this. perfect perspective is bullshit, like, persperctive is the least broken rule here, perspective should not always be drawing straight lines converging trhough a point, honestly, freehand it, use your knowledge to distort it. "draw straight lines converging to a point" is a bit shallow

In my opinion, art should be taught in a more hollistic way even down to the little details, actually, i think it would be beneficial to teach a hollistic view in art as a whole, as in, the individual elements don't live in a vacuum. And also, there should be an emphasis on different aesthetic values (eg: naturalistic, western comic book, modernistic, eastern) and be mindful of the subjectfullness of aesthetics.

In conclusion, i think we should start refering to the general "fundamentals" as like, "post-modern western society's theory on illustration aesthetics" or in an actual serious manner something like "objective art theory". that's still a janked mess of a broken, but i would much prefer structuring things as like "perceptual color theory", "emotional color theory", "western color theory", instead of plain "color theory"

tldr: "art fundamentals" are a bit reductive, tunnel visioned and puts a single set of aesthetic values on a pedestal

also, a bit of a tangent, but i dont believe in a universal appeal at all, "dont shade with airbrush", "dont pillow shade" there's at least one human being that really, really likes the look of airbrush with a pillow shading look, just follow your art honestly, even if it is ugly, who cares, ugliness should be celebrated, not in the "not conventional" kind of way, i mean graffiti is beautiful, but i hated graffiti, acne looks pretty, but im still trying to unlearn to hate acne.

extra tangents: i think that color theory reflects certain aesthetic values and is not universal (dont have anything to prove but a suspicion), let people do random ugly shit for fun, "bad" art has value.

sorry if it doesnt sound coherent as much as i try to push my brain power my head feels foggy when i try to talk about something

I will add to this more later

[azzo0]

Feelings

The following chapter is a snippet from Always

Summary: Bakugo's been feeling weird around her lately. With a little help from his friends, he decides he's caught feelings.

tw: mention of a gunshot wound.

Yoshiko sighed, sitting in the bathtub with steamy water. It was two AM, and she couldn't sleep, so she decided to take a warm bath to help ease her mind. She slowly dipped her head in the water, feeling the water soothe her eyes. She heard her phone ring and got up, cursing whoever decided to call at two fucking AM. Water ran down her body as she walked up to the shelf in the bathroom, almost slipping on the wet floor.

"That was close." She muttered. She looked down at the caller ID. It was her mother. Yoshiko went back to the bath with the phone and attended the call.

"Hi, mum." She greeted.

"Hey, Yoshi. I've been calling for ages. Were you asleep?" Worry laced Yoko's voice.

"Nah, I'm taking a bath. I forgot to call you back earlier."

"Ah." A moment of silence. "Are you okay, Yoshiko?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've seen the news, right?"

"Mhm."

"Are you okay?"

"I said I'm fine." Yoshiko cringed when the words came out harsher than she meant them to be.

"Oh. W-we have to visit the police station at eight in the morning. I'll come to pick you up, alright?"

"Yeah, okay." She said. "Thank you for checking on me." She added in an attempt to make up for being harsh.

"Of course, Yoshi." Her mother chuckled. "Go to sleep after your bath. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

Yoshiko unlocked her phone and saw seven missed calls from Shinsou. She wondered if he was still asleep or awake. Before she could jump to an answer, he called her again.

"Ever heard of calling back?" Shinsou said as soon as she attended his call, his voice irritated.

"Where's the fun in picking up the first time?" Yoshiko teased.

"Yeah, right. Now tell me what's going on in your ugly head."

"The usual," Yoshiko said, crossing her legs. "Like how amazing, incredible, stunning, breathtaking and wonderful I am-"

"Oh, shut it." Shinsou inturputed. "Has Bakugo been stroking your ego?"

"He's only been stroking my temper." Yoshiko laughed. She dipped half of her face in water, closing her eyes, thinking about how he let her put her head on his shoulder. "He's been a wee bit nicer." She added, giving him some credit for letting her lean on his shoulder.

"Bakugo and nice? Nice joke. Anyways, you know that's not why I called." He said.

"Mmm, I'm fine. I swear. There's not much I can do about it, you know?"

"So you did not throw a temper tantrum?"

"I hope you dont get sleep for a week straight."

"Take that back."

"Never."

"Has anyone ever told you how mean you are?" Shinsou joked.

"Not enough people." Yoshiko got out of the bath, splashing water in the process.

"Don't tell me you're taking a bath at two in the morning," Shinsou said, hearing water splash.

"I dont see what's wrong with that." Yoshiko said, putting a towel around her bare body. She went into her room and dried her body.

"Just weird."

"If you can make out with Aktugawa at two in the morning, I can definitely take a bath at two in the morning." Yoshiko teased as she spread her vanilla-scented body lotion across her legs and arms. She smirked when she heard Shinsou choke on the air.

"W-WHAT?! How do you know?!"

Yoshiko stared at the screen. She didn't know. She just made it up. Now she had something to tease him about. "Hmmm? I didn't actually know you sucked her face two in the morning. I've gained valuable information."

"I swear to god, if you tell anyone..." He threatened.

"Heh, dont forget to use protection. I don't want to babysit your kids yet."

"YOSHIKO!!" He yelled, flustered.

"Just sayin'." Yoshiko went on, now dressing in a T-shirt and basketball shorts. "You dont want to be a dad at sixteen, do you?"

"Yoshiko! We haven't- we-" He searched for words. Yoshiko chuckled and shook her head.

"I was just teasing you. You're a whole different person when you're flustered."

"When you get into a relationship, you're going to regret saying all that to me," Shinsou promised.

"Yeah, sure. Not like I'm getting into one anytime soon."

"Uhuh? You've been spending a lot of time with Mister Explosions. What about that?"

"Meh, it's nothing like that," Yoshiko said. "We're just friends."

"Whatever. You get my point."

"Yeah." Yoshiko chuckled. "I've gotten comfy in bed now. I'm hanging up."

"Wait. Do you want to play call of d-"

"You're not ruining my sleep again, Insomniac Idiot." Yoshiko deadpanned.

"You suck," Shinsou muttered.

"Good night, Hitoshi," Yoshiko said, hanging up.

Yoshiko set an alarm for seven thirty and put her phone on the side table. She pulled the blanket over her, feeling the warmth creep over her cold body. She closed her eyes, slowly drifting into sleep.

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Bakugo was pissed, and it was Yoshiko's fault.

He tossed and turned around, tried drowning out her face in his mind by putting a pillow on his face, punching the bed and scrubbing his face in frustration. If it wasn't her goddamn face finding a way into his head, it was her voice.

"I'm gonna throw her off a cliff." He muttered into the mattress.

His heart raced as he thought about her leaning onto his shoulder. He closed his eyes, thinking about her smiling at him, her freckles moving upwards with the gesture. Her stupid, fiery personality that drew him into her like a moth to a flame. His fists clenched onto the sheets as he thought about the day she pinned him against the wall, her voice sending goosebumps onto his skin.

What would have happened if he turned around forcefully and managed to pin her instead? What if he pinned her wrists above her head and tilted her head towards him, having angry moon-like eyes glare at him. What would her lips taste like? What if he lowered his head and slammed his lips onto h-

"BAKUGO FUCKING KATSUKI!" Bakugo roared, sitting up and slapping himself with all his might. He angrily went back to his pillow and threw the covers over himself. His cheek pulsed where he hit himself. At least he stopped fantasising about the damn Solar Panel now.

｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡

Bakugo woke up groggy. He wasn't used to such a small amount of sleep. He half-heartedly took a shower and changed into his hero attire. He ran a hand through his hair to untangle some knots. He was surprised Yoshiko wasn't knocking on his door yet since it was time to go to the agency. He put on his gauntlets and unlocked the door, stepping out to see Yoshiko locking her door.

"Hey, Bakugo." She greeted. She was in casual clothing instead of her hero costume, wearing a plain black cotton T-shirt with jeans. She pointed at his cheek. "I see five fingers. Who stole my dream of slapping you?"

"Fuck off. Why aren't you in your hero costume yet?"

"Have to visit the police with mom," Yoshiko replied, pocketing her keys. "Already texted Keigo. He's got a ton of paperwork for you to do in the meantime."

"Did you two just set me up for slavery?" Bakugo rolled his eyes.

"Yes. Now, about the slap. Who slapped you?"

I slapped myself because I couldn't stop thinking about your annoying little, pretty, pesky face.

"Accidentally hit myself in the shower... while washing my face," Bakugo said, looking away from her as he lied.

"You're a bad liar." Yoshiko deadpanned. Her phone rang, and she looked down to see her mom calling. "Okay, Pomie, I'm going now. Have fun."

She dashed towards the elevator, giving him the finger with a smug face as the doors slowly closed. Bakugo's eye twitched in annoyance. She just had to seize every chance to get on his nerves, did she?

｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡

"Sunbeam! We were expecting you." A young police officer with navy blue hair as dark as his uniform greeted the mother and daughter with a pearly white smile. He had thin and long hair, which were pulled in a low ponytail. Yoshiko was convinced he'd be a knight if he were in armor.

"Ah, and you've got Akimitsu-chan too. Or would you prefer Photonix?" He grinned at Yoshiko.

"Anything will do," Yoshiko muttered.

"Alright, follow me, please!" He turned around, his ponytail elegantly moving along with him. Yoshiko was sure he was a new officer. He had an air of boyishness around him.

Yoko and Yoshiko followed the man into an interview room, where he would be explaining the whole situation to them all over again. Yoshiko didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to go over Daisuke's death again. She wanted to pretend he never died. To pretend he was there.

She recalled the day his body came back from the mortuary. No one would let her lift the coffin lid and see him. But she managed to shove everyone away. She had to say her goodbyes. She remembered his face drained of colour but still handsome as ever. She remembered pushing his bangs back, seeing the hole through where the bullet went into his head. She recalled cupping his cold cheek. When he was buried in the ground, a piece of her heart was buried along with him.

"Yoshiko... do you want to wait outside?" Yoko soothingly whispered as they stood outside the room.

"No, I'm good," Yoshiko replied. The officer opened the door for them. They went in, sitting on the chairs in front of the desk. Yoshiko glanced at the officer's name tag on his right breast. Officer Riku.

"Would you guys like something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Or maybe juice?" He smiled, holding an electric kettle in the corner of the room.

"No, thank you." Yoko shook her head.

"Alright then." Riku took a seat across from them. "So, as you're already aware, we've found a body which we've confirmed to be Hiroto." Riku opened the file on the table in front of him. "Last year, we also confirmed that it was Hiroto who shot Daisuke-san in the head and dumped him in the river. But now, we've found Hiroto's body, too. This only leads us to assume that there's someone else behind both these murders."

"Obviously," Yoshiko grumbled. Yoko nudged Yoshiko's foot with hers, sending her a silent glare to behave.

"We want to know if there was any case Daisuke-san was working on before his death that you two are aware of."

"Hmm..." Sunbeam bought a knuckle to her chin, trying to remember. "No, not anything that I'm aware of. Most of his operations were with Hawks, so that's where you'll find your answer."

"I see," Riku scribbled something down in his notepad. "That's it for now. Thank you for your time."

Riku watched Yoshiko get up abruptly and make her way to the door before Yoko could even get up. He felt her pain. Yoko let out a sigh and smiled at him before going after her. He got out of his seat and stepped out of the room. "Akimitsu-chan." He said.

Yoshiko glanced behind her shoulder, silver eyes bored. Riku bowed for Yoko and Yoshiko.

"What- Please raise your head!" Yoko exclaimed.

"This is on the behalf of the police," Riku said. "We're sorry we couldn't find this out before. But sometimes we make mistakes, too. Sometimes, it takes us years to find the person behind a murder. My mother was brutally murdered when I was a teenager. Two years ago, the police finally found her murderer. So please, place your faith in us. We promise to find justice for you, no matter how long it takes."

"Please raise your head," He heard Yoshiko's voice. He raised his head, meeting the girl's eyes. He could swear her previously angry eyes had softened. "I'm sorry for your loss. I trust you guys. Heroes make mistakes and miss important details, too. I'm a hero student myself, and I've made countless mistakes my mentors helped me fix." She smiled at Riku. "So I understand."

Yoko smiled at Yoshiko. Sometimes, she could be so mature despite her hard-headedness. She put an arm around her daughter's shoulder and bowed. "Thank you for your service."

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Yoshiko walked into the office room to see Bakugo stamping papers. Her eyes fell on the orange tabby cat curled up on the desk. Bakugo sighed, putting a stamped paper away. He put an elbow on the desk, resting his chin in his palm. With the other hand, he patted the kitten.

"I see you've met Kiara," Yoshiko said, walking up to his desk. Bakugo looked up at her. She was in her hero costume now.

"Yeah," He replied. "She pounced on me out of nowhere. Where was she yesterday?"

"Hawks got an extra room for her at the agency. She spends most of her time there." Yoshiko said, leaning closer to the desk and running her hand on Kiara's fur. "I found her trying to cross the road some time ago. She's grown so much since."

"Shoulda named her Flame," Bakugo said, softly snapping his fingers at the kitten.

"Because she's orange? Fuck no." Yoshiko said, picking Kiara and cradling her. Kiara climbed up the fabric of Yoshiko's vest and sat on her shoulder.

She's good with animals, Bakugo thought. And kids, he added after he remembered Mistumi.

"How'd the police visit go?" Bakugo asked.

"It was fine, I guess," Yoshiko replied, scratching Kiara's head, making her purr. "The officer just told us about the whole deal all over again 'cause families of victims ought to know about what actually happened. But then we already knew what was going on." Kiara jumped off Yoshiko's shoulder, landing on the desk. "Now we're just going to wait for what the police finds out."

"Oh."

Yoshiko dragged a chair beside him and took half of the stack of papers. "I'll stamp these with you, and then we can patrol."

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It was 10 p.m., and Bakugo couldn't sleep. Again. He paced around his room, wondering why his heart and feelings were acting up around Yoshiko. He felt himself softening up to her, wanting to spend more time with her. And her blabbing didn't annoy him that much anymore. The same went with his friends, but with Yoshiko, it felt different.

He fell back first onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. He wasn't stupid. He knew what this feeling could mean. He turned to his side, cheeks dusted with a faint pink. Was he really feeling this for a brat who had the audacity to show up with an explosion quirk, break his nose, beat the shit out of him on the training exercise on the very same day, have the nerve to call him her friend, and get first place on the sports festival along with him?

His heart thudded loudly in his chest as he thought about her proud grin after she won in sparring against him. Her cheeks flushed from the exercises they did together in the dorm gym. Her stupid, magnetic eyes that pulled him into her. He groaned and sat up, running a hand down his face.

"Do I fucking like her?" He asked himself out loud. I've been feeling fluttery around her. My palms start sweating more. There's this weird feeling in my chest and stomach. Her stupid face manages to make it into my head twenty-fucking-four seven. I hate her.

I might like her.

Bakugo had the sudden urge to ask someone for guidance. That someone was his childhood friend and the only person in the class in a relationship. Then there was his red-haired friend, who Bakugo knew had a small crush on Mina.

He hesitantly opened the group chat, which consisted of only him, Midoriya and Kirishima. Most of the texts were from Kirishima and Midoriya, with a few rare texts from Bakugo. With a deep breath, he pressed the group call button. The call went through after a few rings.

"Damn, look whos up past bedtime!" Kirishima exclaimed.

"Hey, guys!" Modoriya greeted.

"Hey," Bakugo said.

"Kacchan, you're not asleep yet?!" Midoriya gasped.

"Couldn't sleep." Bakugo clicked his tongue.

"Well, that's a first," Kirishima said. "Do you guys want to game?"

"Sure-" Midoriya began, interrupted by Bakugo.

"That's not why I called." He said, his heart beating loudly at the idea of saying he liked Yoshiko out loud. "There's something I want to ask."

"Sure, what's up, bro?" Kirishima asked, his voice concerned.

"Is everything alright, Kacchan?"

"Yeah. How does it feel to like someone?" Bakugo bit his tongue, internally cringing.

"Huh?!"

"Kacchan... I don't think I heard you right. Can you repeat that?!"

"You heard me!" Bakugo yelled, flustered.

"NO WAYYY! BAKUGO LIKES SOMEONE! POP THE CHAMPAGNE!" Bakugo could hear the springs of Kirishima's mattress as he jumped up and down.

"SHUT UP, SHITTY HAIR!"

"That's a surprise..." Midoriya said.

"Shut up! I don't like anyone! I'm asking for... a friend!"

"Uhuh? Since when did you start making friends?" Kirishima teased.

"I will ram your skull into a wall." Bakugo threatened.

"It's Akimitsu-san, isn't it?" Midoriya asked, smiling at the thought of his friend liking someone.

"I'm one hundred per cent sure it is Akimitsu," Kirishima said.

"Shut up..." Bakugo buried his head in the sheets, cheeks warming.

"Yeah, it's her," Midoriya confirmed.

"Our Bakugo is growing up!" Kirishima cried.

"You fools haven't answered my question yet." Bakugo hissed.

"Okay, uh, does your heart race around her?" Kirishima asked.

"...Yes." He shyly replied.

"Do you get nervous around her?"

"Sometimes."

"Do you think about her often?"

"Why is this a fucking interview?! I could have used Google if I wanted!" Bakugo yelled.

"Yeah, right. Answer the question, Bakugo." Kirishima said.

"Fucking fine. Yes." He muttered.

"Aw-"

"I will blast you to hell."

"Okay, okay. What is it that you like about her?" Kirishima asked.

"What do I like about her?" Bakugo questioned.

"Yeah! What do you find attractive about her?"

Bakugo scratched his cheeks, which were growing hotter by the moment. "It's her personality, okay? She reminds me of myself sometimes... and I like that because she also understands me. I relate to her in ways more than one. She's not afraid to chase her dreams. She's strong, brave, bold and resilient. The fact that she's just like me is attractive." A soft smile made its way to Bakugo's lips. "She's... also the most beautiful thing I've laid my eyes on." He whispered.

Kirishima and Midoriya took a few seconds of silence to process everything Bakugo just said. The blonde's eyes widened as he realised he let out more than he meant to.

"I-if you guys tell a soul, I'll make sure you never see daylight again!" Bakugo yelled.

"Bakugo, I dont think you needed to ask us," Kirishima said.

"Yeah, Kacchan. You already have your answer." Midoriya smiled. "After what you said, I'll definitely say you like Akimitsu-san. But that's up to you to decide. What does your heart say?"

Bakugo took a few seconds to think about Midoriya's question. What does my heart say? He put a hand on his chest, feeling it thrum against his fingers. His lips tugged up in a smile. "I got my answer."

"There you have it, Bakugo," Kirishima said. Bakugo swore he could hear Kirishima's grin.

"But it's still a little difficult to digest," Midoriya said.

"Then take digestion pills." Bakugo snorted, making both his friends laugh. "Oi, Izuku, Kirishima."

"Yeah?" They said in unison.

"Thanks."

"Stop, you've become so manly!" Kirishima sobbed.

"Anytime, Kacchan!"

"Idiots..." He grinned, hanging up.

Bakugo threw his phone on the bed, walked up to the balcony door, unlocked it and stepped outside. He let the night breeze hit his face as he watched the bustling nightlife.

"I like her." He whispered into the air.

｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡

[prettyboykatsuki]

Do you have any tips on how to like. Manage insecurity lol

im told i have a pessimistic way of handling this specific thing so take this advice with a grain of salt but i break like all inner issues down into two parts. the practical application and theory

the practical application for managing insecurity is that theres only two states for that thing. can be changed and can’t be changed. if something can’t be changed than worrying is a waste of time. if it can then i can work to change it, then the question is, is it worth it? as in, does making this change serve me as a person or improve my quality of life and am i doing it for the right reason?

the second and more important imo is the theory of insecurity which is why told im kinda pessimistic shfjsnf

but my mindset is basically 1. there’s nothing self-righteous about your misery and 2. thinking you are by some measure uniquely awful is also a complex of thinking you are special.

insecurity is a really insidious things because it places importance on very arbitrary things. and its made so big by social media. you should care about the opinions of people who are important to you and who love you but strangers are just strangers. and people who don’t know you intimately cant make full enough judgements of what makes you good or bad

but ultimately i think of my own self hatred as kind of lame and thats why i dont sink to deep into it anymore. my insecurity is not accurate measure of who am i in the same way my accomplishments aren’t. im not a uniquely evil monster just like im not a heavenly saint

my bodies shaped like that because bodies look like that. my teeth are yellow because sometimes they stain. im annoying sometimes and sometimes im inconsiderate and i isolate often. these are qualities about me i dislike and can feel insecure about but they’re not some machiavellian, radical evil. just like my good traits arent some inherent divine goodness

insecurities are reflections of the world around us and the people we encounter. your insecurities don’t show up out of thin air. they’re brought and imposed upon you through a long life and its normal to have them and working through them is a life long process

but the reason ive gradually become less insecure is because having this intense fixation on my flaws was honestly a massive waste of my time lmao. my miserable and pitiful outbursts were eating away at my long and beautiful life. if i spent even half of the time i did as a young kid worrying about my appearance on literally anything else i might’ve been the next frank ocean. my suffering wasn’t righteous. it didn’t make me special or cool or interesting.

be cringe and weird. be ugly and outdated. be gross and sad. what do you want to see when you look back at your life? beautiful misery or ugly and unkempt joy? its not a fix but it helped me a lot to think that way even if its morbid or pessimistic.

when im insecure the little voice in my head goes “but does it matter?” because i taught to do that. it usually doesn’t matter because a lot if it’s arbitrary. thats my two cents

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

I’m so interested to learn your opinion on Pluto in Scorpio in the 12th house? If you don’t mind explaining what you know about it. I honestly suck at astrology 😭 even though I’ve learned a lot about it. But I love hearing other peoples perspectives. i feel like I trigger people just by walking into a room and I don’t understand why. And is it solely due to having the 12th house in Scorpio?

Pluto in the 12th house is a masterful placement to me. Its like when deep oceans figures out its also space itself. There is a universe inside of your mind that shows you the riches of all things impossible and possible. Secret realms hidden in your mind waiting for its escape, for better or for worse. You can control the psychic abilities that come out, however at some point you should allow them to go full swing as your gifts are trying to show you something. Seer abilities are powerful here, and I could see being an oracle/decoder with this placement. You could have insight into other peoples past, present and future. And although this can make you uncomfortable this could be something that can help them.

I got a vision of a girl from tiktok, who talked about how she was on a bus and something kept egging her to tell this boy to not go this particular street because he would die. She felt crazy but she ended up not telling him and ending up feeling back. My spirit is telling me your gift is similar to that, and you may have come across others who may have needed your guidance but because you didnt know them you passed by the chance to tell them. I know this can feel weird but one of your gifts is in helping others with choices, something about being at the crossroads and your like the deity of the cross roads that helps them figure it out.

Now back to my explanation lol. House of hidden enemies people could really hate the knowledge that comes out of you naturally. What takes them forever it takes you 20 minutes or none at all. Youre connected to the cosmos and sometimes you can see things you truly did not want to see, but its for you to know so you can get a better understanding of how this world works. Its not really black or white. Its just is what it is. Your psychic abilities can be strengthened through dreams, especially astral traveling. Messages from people you know and dont know could come to you, and for anyone you dont know you might meet them later.

I didn't explain it being in scorpio however when its in scorpio it becomes way more beneficial in the house. However scorpio is also intense so its always going to rear its ugly side of its darkness from time to time.

All in all, your personal power is tremendous in the house of the subconscious mind. This side of you goes through many transformations and you come out a different person every time. I feel like shadow work here is a very special thing because you can quickly get into the deep parts of your psyche and get the answers for whatever it is you seek, then go through a process of elimination. Theres so much to right here so ill just do a part two! really can go on all day about how the psyche goes through roller coasters on a day to day basis which can drive anyone crazy. Pluto in any house calls for every day challenges in order to rebirth so I know this placement can be a little difficult at times.

Something about lilith is coming up for you strongly... I didnt want to pass up on it so I have to ask... is it in the 12th house too? or is it somewhere else strongly I your chart?

[cirusthecitrus]

4 and 23 for the ask meme!

4. When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn? I'd say at first the twins both freeze to process what's happening and then fight But what's funny - the older Anillis and Hec-Tor get the worse they get at recognizing the danger They've grown to become so entitled and stubborn that they believe nothing bad can ever happen to them. What I mean is - the boys have zero self preservation skills and it kinda helps them not to feel fear in potentially dangerous and creepy situations They're also way too curious, they cannot be stopped by the chilling sounds, total darkness, creepy strangers etc. They would only get scared by, say, a feral beast, after it already bit their heads off. Kur twins have no fear - they move forward and ignore all the warning signs X) (Anillis and Hec-Tor would totally die if they were in a horror movie lol) 23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

The hardest emotion to process - discomfort, for both of them. Anillis and Hec-Tor always yearn for attention and appreciation and they're ready to do anything to get it, be it participating in strange rituals, overworking themselves or accepting romantic gestures. And everytime it takes them so long to recognize their discomfort, to realize that they don't actually like what they're doing and how it makes them feel, that this feeling is unpleasant and they want it to go away The hardest emotion to express - grief, sadness, anxiety. They try so hard to keep this image of flawless confident people and in their minds it can be ruined by simply showing the "ugly" unappealing side of sadness or exposing their weaknesses It was always hard for the boys to deal with these emotions. At first there was their mother who would get annoyed every time the twins would remind her of their existence (especially by crying). Then their parents died, the twins coudnt cry for them and felt weird yet everyone else was happy about it for some reason, confusing them even more. Then there were their caretakers who would ignore the brothers when they were upset or worse - try to manipulate and use them whenever the two were at their most vulnerable Eventually Anillis and Hec-Tor learned to supress these emotions and now the brothers feel like they can't even cry anymore. Physically unable to. They have to literally force the tears out of themselves, cough the cry up, vomit it out - they cant just let these emotions out even if they want to Emotional neglect is no joke fr

dont worry nothing bad happened hes just being dramatic :)

[mangoposts]

i literally love you so much i need to hug you so bad. and i know it takes times to love yourself and be okay with the way you look its just so frustrating because to me i look so much bigger than everyone tells me i am. and i know it doesn't matter but i dont get it because i've never cared about the way other people look or judged their insecurities but when it comes to myself everything becomes ugly and disgusting. when other people have acne, they still look beautiful but when its me i look horrible. other girls with my body type look good as fuck but when i look in the mirror everything looks unproportionate and weird. i wanna see myself how i see all these other girls but its so hard and im so tired

-����

You’ll learn to see how beautiful u are baby i know you will :-(. I see it so clearly your features are so pretty and they’re so cute 😭 And your body is literally amazing like hot asfk 😭😭😭😭 It’s so crazy how some people can’t see how beautiful they are Fr

I could say all these things but Fr it’s something you’ll need to learn to love on your own, it’s hard and it’s a long process but you’ll realize fr. You’re going to look back at yourself now one day and be like bruh i was so crazy for thinking like that i was hot asfk😭

i know how this feels, it’s exhausting and it’s confusing and you eventually wanna give up on yourself but you always come back around. In the meantime i’ll tell u how pretty you are until u see it yourself

[hella1975]

hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)

(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)

BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)

okay so enough excuses, here she is:

this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,

solid, strong, and stable,

intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.

it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.

I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.

But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,

that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.

Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.

He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.

i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.

anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!

[mockingbirdshymn]

TUMBLR USER @fruit-kick THAT DOES NOT SOUND WEIRD AT ALL IN FACT IM HONORED

heres like. some of the things i keep in mind when writing grieving

the little things in grief

something i scarcely see written is the little things in grief. seeing things that remind you of the person causing you to nearly cry in public, but you can't. seeing people be happy with their family members/friends (depending who was lost) and being both jealous and miserable. wondering for years if you could have done anything, even though the chance of that is impossible, or blaming yourself for not noticing something.

the smallest things in grief are the most important. forgetting the person is gone and calling out their name, texting them about something important to you before realizing that theyre gone, setting an extra plate at the dinner table, entering their room. its things like that which are the most personal. the countless times ive done that, the countless times ive seen my mother do that.

it's not having the will to clean out their room. its not getting rid of any of their stuff ever, keeping their room as pristine as it was before they were gone. it's having nightmares of the death and waking up realizing youre alone. it's sleeping in that person's room for comfort. it's rewatching videos with the person who died in them, reminising over old times and sobbing. it's thinking "oh, ___ would love this!" while at the store before realizing. it's thinking you see them, but it's a coat hanger or a shadow or a chair in the dark, or something your brain tricks you into seeing.

obviously, as time goes on, this will lessen, and it wont last forever. eventually, this phase will cease. but when the grief is fresh, the little things will happen more often.

and the grief can be fresh for a very long time.

general things to remember/advice

don't make it quirky. for the love of FUCK, don't make it quirky.

try to portray the misery, the numbness, the seriousness of grieving over death. use descriptive words, metaphors of flowers, of death, or anything beautiful or ugly or both. use mystical words; death is an enigma to us all. one of the reasons death is so terrifying is because none of us know much about it. just that theyre gone.

"____ had seen death up close. They'd seen her cold grasp take away the person ____ loved the most. ____ sometimes wished they'd been taken instead. If only they were the one to stare death in the eyes and follow her into the inky void of nothingness. But no, ____ was cursed to sit on their bed, every day and every night, wondering what they could have done." this is an example of descriptive words and metaphors can be used to portray write the grief the character feels

instead of a simple 'i wish it were me', expand upon that. they don't wish it were them, they wished they were the ones to stare death in the eyes and accept their fate rather than the person they loved doing the same. it's more descriptive, i suppose

metaphors are your best friend when discussing grief and death (but make sure to not overdo them!!!!!!), as well as your characters little reactions to the enviorment around them.

ie this sentence in my fic's draft - "Harrison just continued staring off into the distance, at the frozen lake and families skating together on it. Preston could see a small flame of jealousy reflect in his eyes, but the ember faded into something sadder."

write about how your character views the world after the death. do they view it as cruel, as worthless to live in, or as something that should be cherished while they can? how does this affect how your character treats others, acts, talks? how does this affect their relationships? do they weaken them or strengthen them?

write the healing process as slow and gradual. if your fic is short, still make it a gradient. it won't heal right away. this healing can be from 3 chapters to 20. it depends on the story length.

keep your character in mind. if your character doesnt fit any of the things i mentioned, dont force yourself to change the character to fit my advice. instead, take it and warp it so if fits your character. model the grief around the character's personality.

all in all, there is no perfect way to write death and grieving. these are my tips, from my experiences both dealing with grief and writing about it for some time, but remember that everyone deals with and writes death in different ways.

[marshmallowprotection]

....um

So I have serious self-esteem issues which make me feel bad about my looks and how other people think of me.

And the huge counter problem is - I'm LAZY.

Extremely. Extremely, lazy.

I want to improve myself. And I feel motivated for like ten minutes and get all ready and everything, but then bam. Zero motivation. I dont even care.

I want to like myself, I want to improve how I look because I have this awful sense (and know from time to time) that people just...look at me a bit weird. And kind of awkwardly. I don't look as good as everybody else, I don't have nice or even many clothes, I don't know what to do with my hair but it's so...bad.

My personality doesn't seem to be very much...attractive either. Even in terms of getting friends. I don't even think I've had any that haven't eventually just gravitated away to some other group. And then I feel just a really sad jealousy.

Really often and actually all the time now, I can't help but feel like I'm so ugly. And even better, I don't do anything about it.

I cry so much over this. I'm lazy and I hate it. It's the worst trait. It's ugly, and makes me feel like I'm disgusting for not and a lot of the time, not even wanting to make myself look good.

And yes it's so stupid to ask for reassurance from a totally fictional person but Saeran is my comfort character

And sure he might not be very confident in himself but at least he looks so good. And his personality is sweet and kind. And accepting.

Ugh. But this is so dumb.

HOW CAN I GET COMFORT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM A DUDE THAT'S NOT REAL AND WOULD PROBABLY THINK I WAS GROSS ANYWAY 😭😭😭 I BELIEVED LEGIT EVERYTHING SUIT SAID ABOUT BEING UGLY, I WAS JUST LIKE YEAH YOU GOT IT

(I'm so sorry. This is my rock-bottom self esteem crying out)

I see that you're having a hard time with your sense of self. I think all of us have hit a low point before where it's hard to look in the mirror and like the person that's looking back at us.

It doesn't matter if you've started to put the work in to learn how to like yourself, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you have a really bad day and you can't help but not like the person you see. It's easier to blame yourself than it is to look at all the factors in a situation.

Why think about blaming others or looking at the bigger picture of your circumstance when it's so much easier to look back at your reflection and say that it's all your fault? 

However, I will tell you something you might not have heard before. The words you say have power and the more you say something, the more you begin to believe it. If you're somebody who started out joking that you were trash and no good, eventually, you'll get to a point where you start to believe those things.

The more you say something, the more you believe it. Words have power. I'm not saying you need to look in a mirror and say that you love the person you're looking at. But you certainly shouldn't be saying that you're disgusting and no good. 

Nobody deserves to feel that way about themselves. It doesn't matter who you are or the things you've gone through, don't say nasty things about yourself. You don't have to say a positive affirmation about yourself, you can even say a neutral one, but it's better to avoid speaking ill of yourself if you want to feel better. It's the first step in many steps that come along with the process of learning how to be kind to oneself. 

You're not stupid nor are you ridiculous for one and comfort from a character that inspires you. I don't think it's silly in the slightest to desire that. Human beings are creatures that need to be around each other. It doesn't matter what you experience in your life, everybody needs at least one person in their corner if they can have it. It's lonely if you don't have that. It takes time before people can find a circle where they feel like they belong, and sometimes it doesn't feel fair that you haven't been able to find it yet. Hold your breath and keep trying because someday you will find people that understand you for you. 

Right now, if Saeran inspires you, let him. You're not pathetic or miserable for wanting to hear words from him that are positive. I don't think I'd be who I am today if it wasn't for having a character like him in my life. Am I silly for finding comfort or inspiration from somebody like that? No, I'm not. So neither are you. Don't beat yourself up for something that you would consider okay for others but not okay for yourself.

It's like if you wanted to have a popsicle but you decided to give everybody else the popsicles. Why don't you deserve the popsicle? 

[terracottaatelier]

~*~ Sharing some thoughts ~*~

Hiii, i want to write here <3

Ive been years and years depressed but nowadays im much more better and healing with some stuffs

Process of healing isnt easy and soft, transformations are painful but i promise you that in the end you will feel way better

Honestly i dont think that i like this pain of healing but i always try to stay with my heart open to changes, but not gonna lie that isnt easy to be so open hearted... :( I think that transformations and healing processes is for the rest of your life, because in this life i think is impossible to be 100% perfect in your behaviors and stuffs, we always need to change...

Anyway, i feel the urgee to heal my inner child, not really the child inner but my inner teen (?) xD. I have 24 almost 25 but i miss the time that i used to enjoy to discover and experiment stuffs, i dont know how to put in words, im trying to reconnect with my self because i think that im wasting my life being insecure and think about people that is in my life, people that i dont even know their name and the society structure in general.

My self steem is really low and i often feel so paralyzed and feeling inferior because I don't feel good enough for others, I don't feel competent, I don't feel desirable/attractive, i dont feel that im cool or that i have charisma. Since when I was a child I always felt like the story of the ugly duckling and to this day as an adult I still feel clumsy like him, and i have the feeling that i will always always feel awkward like him for the rest of my life

These days I remember when at school a boy in my class told me that I was weird, he didn't say that to offend me or to bully me but he genuinely just said that I was weird, I asked him why he thinks that and he just replied that it seemed like I was a foreigner. I was very quiet and I also didn't know how to interact with others and I was also very tense because of that, I think that's he said that because I didn't seem used to that place (even though I was there for a long time) like a person who is in a foreign country

[muttfangs]

processing shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and rantiiiiinnnnggg👍

rrrghhhhhhgh I'm trying to do better by myself and others by being an effective communicator and being less "rigid" and "stubborn" but fffffffffrrghh one of my close irl friends is just **SO** incredibly annoying it's astounding at times. I love him but he REALLLLLYYY pisses me off sometimes with how obtuse and insensitive he is. for context he is a white-passing trans man. incredibly neoliberal. twink. conventionally attractive. I mention the above descriptors bc he's super insensitive and shallow in regards to how ppl look at times. he will occasionally bring up how he's happy his transphobic brother is "fat" and how he "looks better than him now". speaking to me. a fat dude. and I understand you hate your brother (he's a huge piece of shit!) but theres a ZILION things you could pick him apart for... and you chose his appearance? while speaking to me, someone who looks like him? and every time I catch him saying gross superficial shit I say "hey, that isn't fair to rag on someone's appearance" he PUSHES BACK AT ME LIKE??? BRO. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HURTFUL THIS IS TO HEAR FROM YOU. EVEN IF IT ISN'T ABOUT ME DIRECTLY. YOU ARE STILL SAYING FAT AND BALD PEOPLE ARE UGLY. I AM BOTH. he also just like... doesn't want to listen to anyone's opinion if they feel differently from him regarding gender / politics. I attempt to open dialogues with him about leftist theory... and thinking deeper... but he thinks he's right no matter what and just digs his heels in and metaphorically plugs his ears and goes LALALALA and it's??? quite frankly infuriating for example: i've told him multiple times at this point that I'm not comfortable in sapphic spaces. I am a dude. I look like a dude. I sound like a dude. I'm gnc but I use he / him. and I don't want to be invasive in spaces meant for lesbians. it feels super awkward and upsetting (AND REALLY WEIRD.....) when there's "parties" that are for """"AFAB people only"""" and he asks me to go w/ him????????? like uhh...... this is gender reductionist theory 101. what are they gonna do like. check ppl's junk at the door? make you bring a copy of your birth certificate? that's fucking weird, man. he invited me to another one when I was at our mutual friends place last week saying "this one is different! no cis men allowed!!" and it just makes me stop and think for a moment like... how do you quantify cisness....? I look unclockable. I look cis. would I not be allowed in even though I'm trans? would they not allow me in until I showed them I have a cunt? like what is the fucking thought process here, bro? clearly every time you try to invite me to these like fuckin terfy ass VAGINA HAVERZ ONLY parties I get really uncomfortable so ??? why do you keep asking??? why do you not listen to me when I tell you it's fuckin WEIRD to be exclusionary like that?? why not instead have a "no transphobes allowed" rule instead (WHICH MAKES WAY MORE SENSE???? THAN NO CIS MEN????)?? ... like I hate to beat on my fuckin drum about gender theory adn whatever... but barring "cis men" from these parties bars (pls excuse my language I dont have a better descriptor) AMAB eggs from exploring. it bars ppl from finding themselves. it bars cis men who maybe want to play around with their expressions or sexuality. and, needless to say it's WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE to be reduced back down to my genitals. I'm more than just a walking cunt. I'm a complex human being. and I have ****zero**** fuckign interest being in these thinly veiled VAGINUZ ONLY TERF spaces. but he's all about that shit and doesnt care!!!! whatever!!!!!!!!!!

[gingerrose-hub]

Hi there ,hope you are having a nice day! Ok so i dont know if this is weird to ask adviced but feel free to not answer if it is.so im starting to learn to draw so im a beginner,and i have been thinking of opening a tumblr were i can put just studies,mean drawing that i consider ugly or not perfect,plus maybe when im ready complete ilustrations. Buut to make the studies fun and all that i just want to draw this ship of gingerrose(maybe sometimes the with the other ships of the secuels),because i love their potential so much and i want to draw them. But im kind of nervous it will be the first time i open a tumblr to share drawings, and more to a ship and a fandom. And i just dont know,mostly because is not good compare to just the amazing art people create in her. And i dont want to kind of offend the people by drawing hux and rose all ugly. Or if i opened the tumblr,is it ok to just put practices, sketches or i need just to put complete ilustrations. For you what do you search in a tumblr like that. Im sorry for the rambling. Love your tumblr have a nice day!

Hello, Anon! Absolutely not weird at all to ask for advice, and congrats on starting your artistic journey! 

It's totally normal to feel a bit nervous about sharing your work, but even the more popular artists started somewhere. The most important thing is to focus on your personal artistic growth and enjoyment!

I think you’ll find that the GingerRose fandom is a very welcoming place, so I wouldn’t worry about offending anyone. You’ll likely find people who will encourage your work no matter your skill level. Feel free to share everything from your sketches and practices to your completed illustrations. It's your space to express yourself however you please. 

And don't apologize for rambling, you’re fine! Best of luck with your art. The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the process!

-GR Hub Mods

[rosefromc0ncret3]

i think one thing ive learned the most ever since i moved to socal is that your issues dont go away once you leave a space. i feel like i was so eager to leave home cuz i was just so sick of certain feelings. sick of feeling unimportant. sick of feeling left out. sick of feeling like no one cares. sick of just always struggling to not let what people think (or lack of) of me. i still struggle so much with maintaining relationships or just thinking that i am not really anyones person. i feel so forgotten sometimes. there are moments when im here that i feel extremely lonely. but being back home gives me a weird sense of loneliness too. so, what is it then that i want? what is it that i really want out of myself? idk. im tired of crying over the same things. though i did cry yesterday for these very reasons. sometimes, i feel like everyone is just moving on without me. and they dont care to have me by their side. but.. i did read this post last night about moving away from your hometown and also understanding that you are achieving milestones without certain people too. sigh. i am trying to find the comfort i seek from other people in myself. i have been feeling extremely insecure these days and idk where to start. im trying to find comfort in my own presence and i just feel so uncomfortable. but maybe this is where it starts? maybe this is just the beginning of it again. i wish the healing process wasnt so ugly. this picture is from when i attended the mental wellness event and it was messages to give to others, and messages to give to ourselves. i cant remember what i wrote.. but i think it was something along the lines of how things always work out and the universe always conspires for and not against us. i am trying my best to believe in that in this very moment. i am hoping to find the love i so desparately seek from others in myself. i hope to find the affirmation i want from others in me. i want to be happy with being just me. and i want relationships that compliment, but dont define or complete me. sigh. i know its easier said than done, i hope to commit myself to actively working on these parts of myself. on the bright side, im almost done with my fieldwork hrs and i am so close to earning my credential! i am excited yet nervous to finally be in the field. i hope my next career opportunity will be everything i want and that i’ll learn a lot. i know it wont come easy, but i feel like im finally ready to be out there. after so many moments of doubt, this is something i know i want. i really hope to work in a school that aligns with my moral compass and work with a team who also shares the same vision as me. ah, im excited for these new opportunities! i hope i’ll be okay. sigh. i know i’ll be okay.

[gothibara]

Shigaraki's Skin: A Guide

tldr local disabled man with skin conditions tired of seeing how people treat disabled people also i think it makes fics better when they acknowledge little tidbits abt the character like this

for context i have a skin condition called sebhorreic dermatitis. its grody. but its only grody for ME

Stop calling Shigaraki dirty and crusty please god please im begging you

This is probably the biggest issue I have with Shigaraki fans on here it's genuinely like...do you even hear yourself. People live with skin conditions like is, especially ones that are aggravated by psychosomatic stressers. I used to scratch my skin raw when I had anxiety attacks. Also, people with skin conditions being considered dirty is something that leads to harsher stigma...when in actuality that's not really the case! For example, my dermatitis is caused when oil when my sweat (or any build up of moisture) aggravates yeast in the skin. Now I hear you saying, "well that's a yeast infection, isn't it, that's gross"-- it's not! The yeast is supposed to be there. You have it too. It grows on human skin symbiotically like millions of other organisms. The difference is that mine is much more easily aggravated due to immune issues. That's it.

Moisturizer doesn't always help clinical issues like this. It's likely Shigaraki, by nature of his condition, showers more than average and uses medical soaps and moisturizers to prevent it from being worse. Because of how Shigaraki's manifests and when we see it manifest, I'd probably assume he also has immune system issues due to his quirk (which may have also killed the pigment in his hair), but that's mostly theory.

Regardless, Shigaraki is probably a very clean person. Yes, his living quarters may be disorderly, but things like changing clothes frequently to avoid sweat, showering often, and exfoliating are all going to be things he does. I really doubt AfO would allow his successor to succumb to the beast that is dealing with an undermedicated skin condition.

SCRATCHING.

Shigaraki scratches compulsively! Which is pretty common among people with skin conditions, especially ones like his that appear to cause build up of dead skin (this happens to me too). This is different than the average itch-scratching...you tend to get caught in a loop of it, especially if it's fueled by emotional dysregulation. Scratching your skin raw is more likely to happen than it puncturing skin, for the record. It's possible, but usually what happens is you'll get little red spotting from blood vessels getting agitated, and then a weird waxy feeling on the raw skin. I didn't ever treat mine, so now I have scarring on my arms (thankfully it's been so long they're mostly faded), but they would get sort of a strange scab in the pitted areas. Unsure if this is a common experience, though.

Regardless, you should always clean and bandage these raw areas-- or at the very least clean them, if you're a person who would rather let the wound air out. Just because it doesn't bleed doesn't mean you can't get sick from it, and it helps the healing process along.

Speaking of, this is a common fanfic trope...don't just grab someone compulsively scratching to stop them 😭😭😭???? unless that's a rapport you have established, dont fucking manhandle people.... just offer an alternative method of stimming, and maybe a way to get to a shower.

Showering and exfoliating tends to help, at least in my case. Even if I'm not dirty, or haven't done anything particularly strenuous, when I feel "grimy", all I can do is scratch until I get to shower. It's like a nice way to make sure you feel 'clean' and avoid agitating the already sensitive skin. However, super hot water isn't recommended. It can irritate the skin further, and it's good to dry gently.

Anyway if anyone else w skin conditions wants to add on ur free to but oh my god stop calling shigaraki crusty or dirty or ugly please please please

[kuroosweakness]

kiss kiss | sakusa kiyoomi <3 

this is the my favorite sakusa mini fic i’ve written yet :)) and my longest work! over 2000 words! 

“i don’t think i’ll ever understand the concept of kissing,” sakusa mumbles to komori as he leans down to tie his shoes. his shoes are already tied, but he needs to do something to hide his face for a couple of seconds. naturally, his curls fall to the sides of his face, just as he expected. 

komori quickly whirls around with a :) and a :0 face combined. “what was that??” he teases and crouches down to see his cousin’s hidden face. 

“i was just sayin’“ sakusa shrugs off. “it’s just people touching lips and sharing saliva. it’s disgusting. why people do it? i’ll never understand.” after dusting off his hands, sakusa gets up from the bench and stands up, having forgotten his tall height and head bumping right into a light. 

sakusa grimaces and rubs his head, trying his best to pretend it didn’t hurt at all. “stupid light,” he grumbles as he walks away. komori watches on, trying his best not to laugh while making a mental note to watch out for the low lights. 

~~~

“komori.” 

“hiya!” komori looks up at his cousin while continuing to stretch out his legs. 

“...have you ever kissed anyone?”

“...like, full on make-out?” komori quietly asks as he makes kissy hands to demonstrate. sakusa immediately frowns and crouches down. 

“stop making those weird gestures,” sakusa quietly scolds. “it’s embarrassing...” 

“what’s there to be embarrassed about?” komori softly chuckles while nervously scratching the back of his head. “why do you ask?” 

sakusa’s eyes divert away. “...just curious to know.” 

“well....” komori taps his chin in thought. “there’s this one friend i’ve kissed before. but it wasn’t anything too serious...”

sakusa looks at the ground below him, wondering if he should sit his whole butt down or keep crouching. he decides to keep asian-squating. “so how’d you initiate the kiss? like what did you do?” 

“...i think we’re supposed to be practicing receives right now,” komori sheepishly says while pointing at their teammates all practicing. the bump sounds and shoe creaks suddenly becomes audible to sakusa. 

“oh.” and with that, sakusa gets up and walks toward the pile of volleyballs. 

~~~

“remember the question i asked you last week?” sakusa breathes through his mask as he and komori jogs down the streets. he’s overly dressed for a jogger, especially in spring. everyone’s surprised he can move so freely in such a heavy jacket. 

“...what..... question?” komori asks, glancing at his cousin before looking back at the road in front of them. 

“you know what question.” 

“...i dont?” komori pants as he slows down his jogging pace. 

“the question....that....made you...do weird hand....gestures” 

“ohhhh the kissing question?” 

sakusa nods and moves to the side to avoid the kids walking toward them. 

“i’ve already told you....i’ve only kissed one person before. say, why’re you curious in my love life?” komori teasingly elbows sakusa as they come to a walking pace. 

sakusa annoyingly elbows him back. “is it so bad i want to know?” 

“it’s just not like you,” komori chuckles. at the sight of a bakery in front of them, his eyes immediately lightens up. “we should go there!!” 

sakusa’s eyes meet where komori’s pointing, then meets komori’s face, wondering if his cousin will share answers if he agrees. “okay. but back to my question about initiating the kiss.” 

“well, you’ll have to find someone you want to kiss first,” komori laughs. “and i don’t think you’ve found that person, judging from the way you always judge couples and bad breath.” 

“don’t be so quick to assume things,” sakusa grumbles under his mask. 

“anywaysss, you kinda have to know that the other person wants to kiss you too, ya’know?” 

“i don’t know,” sakusa dryly says, stating out the obvious. 

“yeah, tell me something i didn’t know,” komori replies and opens the bakery front door. waves of freshly baked bread fill their noses. komori dramatically inhales and exhales. sakusa lowers his mask. a little “ding” rings as the door opens and closes. 

“it’s so warm in here!” komori happily exclaims. “you sure you’re not gonna became toast yourself with that jacket on?” 

sakusa rolls his eyes. 

“back to the kissing topic,” komori starts. “consent is really important! you have to make sure they want to kiss you. and to know, just before kissing, you have to ask.” 

“lower your voice,” blushy-faced sakusa mumbles. “there’s people looking at us weirdly.” 

“not at me weirdly,” komori remarks. “just at you!” 

“i don’t know why i talk to you sometimes.” 

“i’ll pretend i didn’t hear that!” komori happily bounces over to the counter and tells the pretty cashier his order.  “kiyoomi, you want anything?” 

“no, not really.” 

“okay!” komori excitedly accepts his paper bag full of baked goods and eagerly munches into a chocolate croissant. “i was thinking that maybe we can stop and eat for a while” 

komori eating = less judgmental komori. who is he kidding, sakusa knows he himself is the most judgmental person he knows. “okay” 

as sakusa pulls out a seat facing away from the door, a little “ding” rings through the bakery. 

“oh look!” komori munches. “it’s y/n! hi y/n!”

sakusa’s stomach drops. his hands have never felt so clammy and cold before. maybe if he stays completely still, then you won’t notice him. 

“hi y/n!” komori calls again. 

“we’re going home. stop- stop stop stop we’re going home. i need to go home,” sakusa hastily mutters under his breath and gets up so fast, suddenly wishing his mask can cover his whole face. since you’re standing at the doorway, he waits until you walk inside to walk out. 

komori quickly gathers his stuff and says a quick apology to you. “sorry about him! well, we’ll catch ya later!” 

confused, yet unfazed, you give him a little smile and waves back. 

~~~

“so how was it?” 

“...not good,” sakusa’s face and curls fall into his hands. he groans and falls back on the his bed. “anyways, i need to study-” 

“no no no, i need to know!” komori insists. “most people’s first kiss isn’t that great so...you’re not the only one.” 

“how am i even supposed to see them again,” sakusa groans again and squirms around on the bedsheets. “it was so bad. so bad. so so bad. so so sooooo bad-” 

“do you have thoughts about kissing them again??” 

“yes,” he mumbles and swiftly grabs the nearest pillow and hugs it to his chest,  hiding his face in the process. “all the damn time.” 

“then it didn’t go as bad as i thought!” komori exclaims. 

~~~

“so you’re not gonna tell me how it went?” 

“why’re you so nosy???” sakusa scrunches up his nose. 

“you were the one who asked about my first kiss first,” komori defends, pulling back in playful offense. 

“like i said, it wasn’t good.” 

“how was it not good?” 

“the kissing tutorial videos didn’t work.” 

“....you watched kissing tutorials????!!” 

“komori motoya, if you don’t be quiet i swear-” 

“did they at least want to kiss you?” 

“...i don’t even know if we’re...together. this is so embarrassing. i was too impatient. i shouldn’t have. i rushed things. they didn’t even tell me they like me. what if they just went along with it and didn’t actually want-”

“i think you’re overthinking too much...” 

“can we just walk to school in silence?” 

“after you tell me first! i can give advice!” 

“i nearly missed their lips. and i froze up when we actually made contact. i was stiff. i couldn’t move. plus my mask shifted upward and completely interrupted us, which i’m kinda thankful for.”

komori stifles a laugh. “so...what’re you gonna do for your second one?” 

~~~

“i saw them with his stupid, ugly guy who if you put his teeth next to a beaver’s, no one would be able to tell the difference.” 

“....we all know you’re not the nicest person, but isn’t that a little mean..and a bit of an exaggeration?” komori chuckles and shifts his foot inside his volleyball shoes. 

“they have poor, poor taste in men.” 

“well...they did kiss you once...” 

“i don’t know anymore,” sakusa sighs. “i need to just focus on volleyball.” 

~~~

“i hate it here. absolutely hate. it. here.” with a grumble he tosses his clothes on his backpack and pads across the gym to get his water bottle. 

komori side-eyes his cousin. whether or not to ask what he’s talking about, even though he knows exactly what–no, who–he’s talking about. 

“is this volleyball related?” komori asks when sakusa walks back. 

... 

“you’ve never given up anything you’ve set your heart on,” komori kindly reminds him. “so why’re you giving up now?” 

“because all the things i’ve done, i was in completely control of” sakusa swings his backpack over his shoulder. “i can’t control other people’s feelings....nor do i want to.” 

“did something bad happen?” komori dashes to catch with his cousin, and the tea. 

“guess who i saw them with again? beaver guy.” 

“i heard they’re just classmates though,” komori gently reminds sakusa, hoping it’ll somewhat clear his senses. he jogs toward a mini puddle and jumps right into it. sakusa grimaces at the water splashes. 

“it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about them anymore. they can have beaver guy so they want. i’m one of the best volleyball players in the country, and i’m ...somewhat good looking, and i’m tall...their loss.” 

komori searches for more puddles. 

“is it because of my personality?” sakusa quietly says. when he sees his cousins jumping into more puddles, he rolls his eyes. “komori, i’m being serious here” 

“when are you not?” komori calls back. he jogs back to sakusa and says, “what makes you think it’s your personality?” 

“well....let’s not talk about it.” 

“...” komori glares at him. 

“well....they’re all smiles around other people and like :/ around me. and y’know, my cleanliness. not that i would change for anyone, but i’m just sayin’” 

“if they really liked you then, you wouldn’t want you to change. although, you can be nicer sometimes....just a little” komori cheekily says. 

“...you’re right,” sakusa sighs. 

~~~

“update: beaver guy’s no longer in their life. he tried to make a move on them and they didn’t like it so they cut him out of their life.” 

“wait whaaat? it’s been days since you last talked about y/n. what-” 

“can you not say their name so loud???” 

“so beaver guy pulled a move on them?” 

“yes. and they cut him off because he took advantage of their niceness.” 

“...” 

“so technically what happened to beaver guy also happened to me.” 

komori shakes his head. “y/n hasn’t cut you out of their life....they still talk to you sometimes! and even asked if you wanted to walk home, which you-” 

he points an accusing finger at sakusa. “which you said no to >:(” 

“don’t point, it’s rude.” sakusa looks away. 

“what’d you say no???” 

“i didn’t want to appear desperate.” 

~~~

“so...how long are you gonna stare at the ceiling? we’re supposed to be doing measurements right now.” 

“oh sorry,” sakusa slightly bows down and quietly adds, “i walked them home yesterday.” 

komori loudly gasps, which he apologizes for when everyone turns to look at him. “whaaat,” he whispers. “what happened?” 

“i walked them home and then walked myself home, that’s what happened.” 

“you’ve gotta be kidding me. give the details!”

“there’s nothing too important that happened. other than my confession.” 

._. “and you’re saying nothing important happened??” 

“turns out they like...me...too” sakusa stutters. his ears are bright red. “i feel like i’m gonna throw up.” sakusa’s hands presses against his stomach.

“the good kinda throw up?” 

“there’s no such thing as a ‘good throw up’“ sakusa barks back. 

~~~

“y/n looked really happy and cheerful today and so do you...which i thought i’d never see...” 

normally, sakusa would jab his cousin if he heard that, but today, he chooses to ignore it. 

“so what’s going on??” 

“nothing much. just some kissing,” sakusa says. his whole face is glowing. 

“remember when you said kissing was gross?” 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” sakusa brushes off. “and you better not tell y/n i think they’re gross when i clearly don’t >:(” 

~~~ 

“hand-holding huhhhh?” 

“their hands were cold, that’s why.” 

“why am i so invested in your relationship,” komori softly chuckles to himself. “y’all are cute.” 

“it does feel nice to have someone to talk to about these things,” sakusa quietly says. komori pulls back in surprise. 

“well, i’ll always be here for ya! but don’t you dare try rubbing your relationship in my face.” 

“i’d never. i know what it’s like to be single.” 

“???? that’s the most non-sympathetic thing i’ve ever heard! obviously, everyone knows what it feels like to be single” komori rolls his eyes. 

~~~

“people are saying y/n’s dating me for my money.” 

“ignore them >:(” 

“people keep saying that y/n probably get no action and that i don’t even touch them.” 

“like i said, ignore those stupid people” 

“i wish it can be that easy,” sakusa sighs. 

~~~

“i’ve lost track of how many times i’ve kissed them.” 

komori jokingly pulls back in disgust. “no one keeps track, dummy.” 

“i’d say about 43 times” 

~~~

and now sakusa kisses you like he’s a starved man who hasn’t eaten in days 😐 basically, engulfing you. long, passionate kisses that gets your heart pounding every time. 

and that’s it for now :)) tell me what you think! <3