#KRISTEN MADE OUT WITH GERTIE

[rrat-king]

need yall all to know im deeply insane about the last episode and its lesbian implications

[star-bastard]

SOMEONE GET THAT BITCH AUGEFORT BACK IN THE PRESENT!!!!!! EVANGELICAL COLONEL SANDERS IS TRYING TO KICK APPLEBEES OUT OF SCHOOL

[captainsparklefingers]

Fabian DO NOT RUIN THIS MOMENT.

[spiralsublime]

i need to look at this year from Gertie's perspective.

you have been having a crush on a cleric who it seems like the world is just spinning around.

said crush returns with the return of the damn sun and oh fuck she is buff as shit and from what you see, single as hell.

okay, so operation starts, try to Talk with her.

Riz joins the club, finally you talk to the Bad Kids (who are so cool!) and they even all show interest in your bees and honey!! and you offer your crush a perfectly designed, hand made pin/honey jar that literally is made to exemplify your crush's last name. then fucking fabian fuckface seacaster says your honey, which you worked so hard for, sucks ass.

not only is it an insult to your skills, your class, but also it is so fucking embarrassing in front of your crush. the anger feels like a rush of air and then a pounding of a heart, so you sway into it. you have a fucking nemesis now which is rough.

but you focus. you use devil's nectar, you make this powerful honey, you make new friends. at least one. and you buy in. keep an eye on your crush, try to be cool, focus on your classes and your bees.

then out of fucking nowhere. the crush you have had all this time, walks up to you, holds your hand, pulls you close, kisses you!!!, compliments your?? mouth???, and then kisses you so hard that you can't think.

do i think that they are endgame? god i hope so. but if this doesn't work out, gertie is never going to forget kristen applebees. and that is going to be something i hold onto forever. just thinking of gertie's lil "i-i mean i've had a crush on you forever!" another wlw experience, me begging that this sweetie doesn't turn out to be fully evil and that she isn't a terrible rebound for kristen that she can never fully enjoy.

[thecoddaughter]

Kristen pulling the most stereotypical lesbian shit ever and calling Gertie her GIRLFRIEND after they made out ONCE.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 14 Sleuthing and Scantrons

Welcome back to Fantasy High where we are back from winter break and hitting the ground running starting with our girl Kristen who just learned that the proselytizing patriarch of the Dawn clan–Bobby Dawn–is her new Cleric teacher. 

Kristen decides to not make waves and just vibe out the situation. Bobby isn’t doing anything obviously out of pocket like calling people heathens, but his vibe is way preacher-y than Yolanda’s more neutral academic style and Kristen can clock that he’s giving certain kids a harder time than others (likely based on their choice of deity). 

We’re still on downtime so let’s run through Kristen's tracks. 

She thinks about doing a Mystery roll to learn more about Ankarna but rolls Academics first for a 19. A+.

Next, she rolls Popularity and she specifically wants to hit up Gertie. She passes with room to spare on a 21 and, amidst some awkward flirting that at least Gertie seems super into, asks her some questions about the Devil’s Honey. Gertie says that she hasn’t made a ton–just a few bottles. The nectar you need to make it is pretty rare. Her client (the trucks and thus, presumably KP) ordered two bottles right after the new year which is twice as many as she got last time. Kristen tries to get Gertie to switch the honey with a placebo but Gertie isn’t willing to lie so she settles for Gertie reporting back on if they ask for any more (which is logged into the school records anyway). With the logs, Kristen can see that the first delivery of Devil's Nectar happened a week or two after spring break last year--this is before Lucy even died. 

After that she has a Relationship roll and wants to finally have that chat with her parents. On a 27 they have a reasonably cordial meeting at Krom’s Diner. Her whole fam is there–brothers and parents. Her parents are pretty happy that Bobby Dawn is the new cleric teacher (though the have a foot in mouth moment when they realize that Yolanda was murdered and not fired like they thought and that they were basically just celebrating a woman’s non-Helio sanctioned murder).Bucky’s happy to see his sister and a little bummed that he hasn’t been able to convert anyone in his party to Helioism. 

She asks how her parents feel about Gal and their vibe is like, “Shrug, she’s fine.” Not Helio but she’s not infernal or anything. Kristen floats the idea of her attending church one Sunday–not to come back to the church, just to observe and for her class–but her parents are practically salivating at the opportunity to bring her back into the fold. Her mom specifically points out that it seems kismet that she, as Helio’s chosen (even if she’s not currently in the church), was the one to bring back the sun. 

Bucky catches a glimpse of Kristen’s Cass shards and asks about them but, before she can tell him much, her parents cut her off and end the encounter. They tell Kristen they’ll pay for her bill so, naturally, she runs up a huge tab. 

Final roll is for her campaign and she gets a Nat 20! She is absolutely crushing it–and why wouldn’t she be? She’s a world saving, total stud who rides with the coolest kid at school, a literal rockstar, and the people’s dork. And her opponent is Kipperlilly, ultimate bad vibes generator. Kristen and KP have a tense standoff where Kristen asks her what’s she’s trying to forget with the devil’s honey and KP tells her to fuck herself. 

All of the Bad Kids square up, ready to throw hands on the spot but Oisin–wizard of the Rat Grinders–breaks it up. There is a long beat of the Bad Kids trying to recruit Mary Ann for reasons that are beyond me that you’ll just have to watch for yourself and the Bad Kids declare that all the RG’s are a lost cause except for her. Adaine, in an uncharacteristically un-aggro move for her–says that the wizard actually seems kind of cool and Brennan asks for a Perception check. 

She rolls like trash but everyone wants to know what the cute wizard thinks about her and social engineer some romance for their girl so they pile on the buffs to turn her four into a dirty 20. With them coaxing her to pay better attention, they see that Oisin is waiting to say something to her–he casts the Message cantrip and gives her a quick, “Sorry,” to apologize for her friends’ behavior. Then their whole crew heads out. Fig reveals that she’s the one behind the entire Complicated Women Podcast. Where does your web of deceit end Figueroth???

Next up to run through tracks is Gorgug. 

First track is Barb and he crushes it with a 26. Porter is so proud. A+!

Next is Artificer (Brennan only makes him roll once, not three times) and he gets a 31! He’s officially a Barbificer which means he can hold concentration on pre-cast spells while raging. Henry is super proud of him too! He gets some more cool gadgets so he’s all twins-y with Riz. Green guys with gadgets! 

His next track is Mystery and here’s where things get juicy. He wants to dig into Henry’s deal and, with Flash of Genius, gets a 20. He snoops around Henry's desk before his class one day and finds a note from Ruben asking for a ride home, nothing about the Cloud Rider engine, and some Grix parts along with his notes which seem to indicate that fixing Grix isn't his top priority and he's gonna leave it until Aguefort is back. Suddenly, Gorgug hears something from outside the door--a conversation between Henry and Jace. Jace says that he got Henry's letter about Ruben and he's just there to assure him that everything is fine. Henry doesn't sound super assured and wants to have a more in depth meeting but Jace gets pretty aggro pretty quick. He says he's too busy for that and they should meet at the school year when Aguefort is back and when Henry pushes back on that, Jace Misty Steps to be all up in his face and says he should keep his fucking nose out of other people's business. Henry walks into the class, clearly shaken, and Gorgug plays dumb effectively, slipping on his headphones like he didn’t hear anything. 

Finally, he rolls Owlbears and fails. Rather than push it (which would make him take his fifth token) he decides his heart isn’t in it and drops Owlbears. Fabian and Gorthalax are both disappointed, even though they understand. Riz gets promoted from off the bench to fill his spot, much to his glee. Fabian and Kristen both try to roll relaxation but they fail (which has no mechanical downside).

Speaking of Riz, let’s do his tracks next!

As always he does Academics first and rolls a 31. DC to find the Rogue Prof is 30 which means he’s right on her trail! We don’t resolve that this episode but Brennan says that he finds Eugenia Shadow’s (the teacher) death records which means that, as they suspected from episode 1 of this season, she’s almost certainly a ghost. 

Extracurriculars with disadvantage is a dirty 20 so he’s still on top of those. 

Third roll is a Mystery roll to try and figure out how the Rat Grinders became the Rat Grinder from the High 5 Heroes. A 23 is only enough for some basic clues which are as follows. From Gertie, he learns that part of what makes Devil’s Honey work to make you a good liar is it makes you in the moment believe what you’re saying which erases some of the tells of lying from your expression and body language. It also allows you to lie without speaking which is useful for Wizards speaking telepathically AND for its original purpose: lying in prayer. Fig thinks this could maybe be used to pray effectively through doubt. Riz also catches Jawbone (who just finished giving a muffin to a hard at work Adaine–cute!) and asks about Kipperlily and her finding the rogue teacher. Jawbone says it was all above board though she did find her crazy fast–8:01 on the first day, literally the first minute it was possible. (Adaine/Shiv remembers at this point that she has ethereal vision and can def help Riz find a ghost). Jawbone mentions that the people at the morgue are trying to do something about the runes on Lucy and Yolanda and racing the clock before rezzing them because borderline impossible--they're getting close to the one year limit with Lucy. Riz knows there’s more info he can get but it would mean stealing the file from Jawbone and listen. He’s a good guy rule follower but he’s also a Rogue baybee. Nat 20 to snatch it with Jawbone none the wiser. Brennan says that he’ll properly dig into it later but, for at a quick glance, he sees that she's been coming to the counselor since Freshman year for anger issues and that his name is in the file for some reason. Mysterious!

Fourth roll is Owlbears and, with a portent roll from Adaine, he manages to hang on and not totally flame out. I like to imagine she literally used her oracle magic to predict what was gonna happen and drilled the moves he needed to not get tackled into his head like DDR steps. 

Last up is our girl Fig!

She does her Work track first and actually works on her album properly for the first time in ages. With an insane plus 20 to Performance (????) she gets an ungodly 38 and writes the most metal song ever which is an 8 minute epic about gods and devils which requires Adaine to make a magical copy of Gorgug just so he can play the drum part. It’s called Dawn of Justice and it rocks so epically hard that she is able to inadvertently magically call dibs on Ankarna. No one can rez the goddess but her. She also casts Find Greater Steed and is able to summon the horse that Ankarna used the gifted wedding bridle on So, clearly Fig took those warnings about Ankarna finding worshippers super to heart! 

[Note: My notes say that the bridle was a gift from Ruvina to Cass actually, but hey. I guess when you're married what's mine is yours and all that.]

Next track is Paladin and she gets a 29. A+! While she’s working with Porter, she asks him about the Mountains of Chaos which she thinks is on another plane but he clarifies it’s just up north and parties go there to clear dungeons all the time–including the Rat Grinders many times. That’s news to me because this is the first we’re hearing of them doing anything besides stepping on rats. 

Next for Fig is Mystery and she wants to use her Dream spell to visit Lola. In Lola's dream, she's remembering a email between her and Ruben about the podcast (Fig realizes she never followed up on that) and also she sees that Lola was talking to Ruben with Jace CC'd. Fig appears as herself in the dream and tries to be like, “Hey, I talked to Jace, cut me in on the plan.” Lola wants to know if she wants to go back on tour because Ruben just canceled, which surprised both me and Fig. But Fig hides it well and is like, “Yeah, Ruben just canceled, that’s why I want in.” She gets a Nat 1 Insight so Lola seems pretty clueless about a plan. When Fig floats the idea of Jace being a part of a plan to summon a god, Lola says she has no idea what she's talking about and Jace isn't a planner, he just gets in her way. But what she sees as him being a nuisance looks a lot like clues. Apparently Jace doesn't want Ruben touring and he was the one who made Ruben get Frosty Folk moved to the Thislespring Tree. Fig stores away that info and then warps the dream into something normal (by dream standards) to cover her tracks as she gets out of there. 

Lastly, she wants to leave a note for Zara saying, “Hey not coming to class this week” but Brennan has her roll and apparently the note is an excellent example of attempting to get your way that Zara respects because it’s still a 34 and and A+! Our kids are doing really well!

Except, here’s the thing. They’re not actually. Or at least, Kristen isn’t. It’s mid April now, just like IRL, and grades have come out. Kristen is failing Cleric classes again. She’s expelled. 

Everyone is outraged. She’s been working so hard under insanely difficult circumstances! They march to Jawbone’s office to get answers and he sees the problem. Yolanda made allowances that let her be a cleric with a dead god but Bobby got rid of that. He said no god is an automatic failure. Riz is so stressed that he elects to take a fourth stress token. Gotta respect Murph for the move but that’s crazy. 

[Note: This doesn’t become relevant in this ep but it’s mentioned around here so I just wanna say, Riz hasn’t had a chance to dig into KP’s file yet but there’s something about her going to a cemetery in Ashgrove which he connects to the ghost Rogue teacher. Also, they all share the info they learned in downtime.]

ANYWAY, the Bad Kids are ready to throw hands once again and head for Bobby Dawn’s classroom, but Kristen has them all wait in the hall while she confronts him and she tries a novel tactic. She goes in crying. She claims that her Cass shards have been destroyed and that she’s lost and directionless. She gets a 26 on her Deception and Adaine, with all the quiet confidence of the elven Oracle, says that Bobby gets a 1 on his Insight roll. Kristen says she’s ready to come back to the fold and allows Bobby to pray with her but when she asks about the paperwork to get her reinstated at school, he’s not interested in that. He believes that she’s sincere but he’s not gonna break rules or make allowances for her. Kristen gets the sense that he actively wants her to be expelled for some reason and he got what he wanted. 

Her friends are outside, practically salivating as they get ready to kick some Foghorn Leghorn ass, but Jawbone shows up and says that they qualify for The Last Standard–aka the Last Stand Exam–and they all decide that that’s a better first option than murdering ANOTHER faculty member. As Kristen leaves, Bobby Dawn gives her a bit of advice that seems to point to her falling in line and being Helio’s chosen again and Kristen calls him a control freak and says he’ll never win–which is a satisfying way to leave a room but a waste of a great Deception roll! The other kids cast various spells on him so he smells like shit the rest of the day because they’re all loyal, petty gremlins. 

Jawbone explains what exactly the Last Stand is. It’s an endurance test that replicates the conditions of a desperate last stand. They’ll have to answer questions while waves and waves of monsters try to kill them. Adaine and Riz are the only ones excited about the questions. There will be 12 questions (two for each of them) and a proctor. They lose 30 points (Out of 100)  if the proctor (who is some rando named Gavin Pundle) dies. There will be a cleric on hand to rez them if they die but it’s more like when they die. We don’t learn this until later but this isn’t an exam where you’re not expected to TPK. But hypothetically you could stay up the whole time because there’s a limited amount of monsters. Also, it’s not like you die, you're out. Kristen can still rez her friends. It’s just a TPK that ends it all. And one more piece of info I’m gonna give you early to keep the rules together. The questions they have to answer are not rolls. They are timed questions/challenges that the actual at the table players have to answer in real life. But they do have a lifetime. Remember how Gorgug won a mysterious academic resource for getting double Nat 20s in his classes earlier in the year? Well that gets the party a stamp that they can use on two of their questions before the time runs out to skip it without penalty. OK, that’s everything! Got it? Good. The Bad Kids get a good night’s sleep and the next day, it’s time for the Last Stand! 

The Last Stand is held in some kind of extra dimensional pocket dimension full of illusory, cheering Agueforts. Buddy Dawn is the volunteer cleric on duty and the group seems wary of him even though he’s taken a divine oath that will strip him of his magic if he fails to rez them.

Because the Bad Kids are doing so well in school, they get a grace period to set up a bunch of buffs and readied actions and stuff. You already know the drill–I’m not gonna do a play by play of every single spell, buff, and attack for this fight but I’ll give highlights. Kristen casts Death Ward on the proctor (great forethought) and Adaine summons Moggy the Doggy to protect him. Fabian has the Hangman and summons some rats (Adaine is happy that Fabian is using her present). Adaine summons the Dry Guys and does Mirror Image. Fig disguises herself as the Proctor, summons Ankarna’s fiery steed as well as spirit guardians, and does Armor of Ayda on herself and her mount. Riz has his Mage Hand out. I’m sure I’m missing stuff but the point is, they’re buffed as hell and ready to go. They pump themselves up with a Hoot Growl chant and then it’s off to the races!

The first wave of monsters includes an otyugh, a gorgon, a steel bull, a hydra, skeletons, and three ochre jellies. Brennan tells them that they’re literally at adventuring school so it’s not meta gaming to know things like you have to cauterize a Hyrdra’s neck lest two more heads grow in its place or that jellies are weak to fire. 

Highlights!

Riz does CRAZY damage with all his rogue stuff. Adaine and Gorgug do a cool tag team where he cuts a Hydra head off by boomeranging its head off with an ax before she cauterizes it with a Chromatic Orb. Emily/Fig throws away her dice cause she’s rolling SO BAD.

At the top of the next round, Riz gets the first folder with a test question. There is one marked Investigation and one marked History. He grabs the Investigation and Brennan hands him an actual Scantron (everyone hated that) with the phrase “Bony Girth” written on it before turning over an hourglass. They’re allowed to work together on these and we get to see some teamwork in action. Ally and Murph both realize right away that it’s an anagram. Murph gets the word Night and Ally hits him and says, “Night Yorb!” A “Correct” stamp graphic hits the dome. They got one! 

Fabian goes for a folder as well and his choices are Athletics and Common. He goes for Athletics but the desk turns out to be a mimic and attacks him. He just tanks the damage because he doesn’t have the time to fight it. This is a multiple choice question about who the Owlbears’ rival team is. They're between the Buccaneers and the Hellions. Siobhan thinks it’s the Buccaneers since Bastion City is right nearby but realizes that Lou is correct when he says that that’s actually the professional team that Ragh is trying out for, not their high school team. Lou says Hudol Hellions and that’s another one in the bag! 

More highlights!

Fabian makes quick work of the Hydra, doing a ton of fancy Fighter moves to cleave the rest of its heads and then sending in the Hangman in dog form to fire breath all the neck stumps. Fig Fireballs the otyugh and two of the jellies! Gorgug gets TWO NAT 20s in a row plus another hit to get the bull from 100% to bloodied. 

And to close out the episode, Kristen sends a quick prayer up to Cass and then does Turn Undead, destroying all the skeletons on the field. Whatever else happens in this fight, you can’t deny that the Bad Kids are off to an amazing start. Let’s hope they can keep the momentum going as we head into the second half of the Last Stand, next week!

Detention

Bobby Dawn for Failing Kristen

I knew I wouldn’t need to wait long to put him on my shit list. He can absolutely go to hell for saying that letting Kristen remain in class was “against the rules” somehow. That’s a simple exercise of discretion! And if anything, isn’t it more impressive that Kristen is still running circles around other clerics with a dead(ish) god? That her god is still able to communicate with her in this state? ALSO, if we’re getting technical, Cass isn’t actually dead! We've established that. She’s, as Miracle Max said, only mostly dead which is still partially alive! I know this needed to happen to force the Last Stand but he can still jump into a lake. I hate that, even when she's actually earnestly and effectively applying herself, Kristen is getting smacked down by the system.

(Also, I have to assume Helio died for three days at some point and came back since he’s basically frat bro corn Jesus. Gods die and come back! It’s a thing! It’s a thing that they do!)

Honor Roll

All of the Bad Kids for Loyalty and Badassery

I really couldn’t pick this week so I decided to just give it to all of them. I tried to do a more in depth recap this week to really highlight the coolness of everyone. I think they have especially good team synergy this week from trying to help Adaine get her kisses in to being ready to throw down for Kristen. And everyone got at least one major piece of Mystery info in their downtime rolls. Not to mention how strong they came out for the first part of the Last Stand. I’m just super impressed and I love them individually and as a unit!

Random Thoughts

OK so obviously the biggest red flag right now is Jace. As I pointed out in the last recap, he was there talking to Kalina in the conversation Ragh saw and now we have two more suspicious actions from him. Now I’m questioning his other actions too. Like, making Riz a part of the interim staff. Was that in order to make sure he fell under the staff category for an ulterior motive bylaws related reason? And is he fully working with The Rat Grinders? He’s a sorc but what origin? What if he’s divine soul and wrapped into this god stuff somehow?

(This could be nothing but the other big loose end besides the above that’s been stuck in my craw in Soph year is Sandra-Lynn talking about a couple that made things hard for her and I’ve always wondered if Jace was involved there.)   

Handing a Nat 1 portent roll to your DM must feel like doing drugs. 

Kipperlily had had rage issues since Freshman year, huh? Does that mean she’s been in league with the corrupted Ankarna since then or just a really easy target? And why would Riz’s name be in her file? I so badly want to know what else is in that file. Brennan, I know you need to control the pacing of the story to some degree but in no world does Riz see his name in that file and go, “Welp I’ll check that out later.” Absolutely not. 

Also, two more Rat Grinder points. KP ordered the honey BEFORE Lucy died? That’s suspicious. And Porter confirmed that they’ve been to the Mountains of Chaos many times which means our understanding of their activities has been off. Like, I suppose it’s obvious that they must have been doing more than literally just stepping on rats because we know they’re making moves, but this seems a bit out of left field. Though it does answer the question of what they likely did for their Sophomore Year quest because that’s been incongruent. Multiple times is also pretty suspicious. That points to going there for a specific reason. Also, that’s where the celestial gods were traveling en route to Cass’s wedding. Maybe there’s a connection there. Were they searching for Ankarna’s name?

Maybe I’m just being paranoid and I know Riz literally tattooed Night Yorb stuff onto his body of his own free will but a part of me wonders whether a part of that wasn’t a bit of Sol/Helio manipulation trying to get Kristen back as a cleric. Like, her mom is right. Her bringing back the sun could have been a dramatic prodigal daughter moment. 

Buddy mentioned Bucky being “led astray” a few eps ago and I’m really curious to know exactly what that means because he seemed to be mostly in good little paladin mode this ep besides some slight curiosity about Kristen’s shards. 

In addition to the moment with Bobby Dawn, Kristen tipped her hand AGAIN In this ep to when she revealed that she knew about the Devil’s Honey. Like, girl. I know you love a dramatic mic drop but keep some secrets, damn!

Curious about what was written on the physical note that Emily gave Brennan when she said she was skipping Zara’s class.

Where did Ally’s “girl Winnie the Pooh” bit come from? It was so confident and out of nowhere that I burst out laughing. 

Brennan has been doing such a great job with battle eps this season. We’ve had back to back bangers with really creative mechanics. I can’t wait to see what the other questions are! (This is why I always say I identify with Adaine and Riz most of the BKs)

“The Last Stand” and “Dawn of Justice” are both subtitles of superhero movies. That doesn’t mean anything. It’s just weird that it happened twice. Two nickels and all. 

Saved this for last–yessssss Oisin. Be apologetic about your friends being weird. Take the extra time to personally apologize to Adaine and only Adaine while her friends to air traffic control signals to get her to pay attention to you. Very happy that everyone at the table seems to be as invested in making this happen as I am (and that Adaine volunteered that she thought Oisin could maybe be cool even when she could have demurred or said nothing or been really harsh like she usually is with the Ratgrinders). I especially love Fig being like, “We’re trying to make this romance happen!” Like, hey girl I got me my wizard paramour, let’s get you yours. Get you a ride or die friend like that. 

One last thing! It’s my birthday on Friday and, to celebrate, I made my thesis visual novel free on itch.io for the weekend. It’s called A Tale of Two Sisters and it’s very meta and fairy tale-y and sincere. I put a lot of hard work into it and, if you enjoy my recaps, I’d appreciate you checking it out and leaving a review. Again, it’s totally free for the weekend! I have another game on there that you can check out but that one's free all the time. 

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 6🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Episode 6 "Party Politics"

Timestamp: 1:24:48

Video Length: 3min. & 33sec.

Gertie Bladeshield, Queen Bee of the Apiarists' Society (Pt. 1 | ‣Pt. 2)

Kristen pats Gertie's back and puts a sticker on her back that says "It's always happy hour at Applebees." 😭✋

Riz: "Gertie is already voting for you!" 😂🤣💀

Gertie turns around with the sticker on her and looks at Kristen.

Gertie: "And hey, I made this for you, by the way."

Brennan: "And you see it is a little bumblebee, but its little body is in the shape of an apple with a little stem coming out of the top of its back. So it's a little black and yellow striped- "

Riz: "This is great."

Kristen: "Oh, thank you."

Fabian: "Is it alive?"

Kristen: "Omg, this is so cool."

Gertie: "It's just a little toy. It's a little thing.

Fabian: "Oh, thank god."

Fig: "Ohhh, okay."

Gertie: "But if you unscrew it-"

Brennan: "And you see that she takes, it's almost like a little makeup jar thing where it has a flush lid that you can unscrew, and you see there's a little glass jar of honey inside."

Kristen: "OMG!" *eats some*

Adaine: "So we don't even need to join, 'cause the honey's already here."

Gertie: "There you go, and a benefit of honey is-"

Fabian: *tries some* "Oh, that's not that good."

GERTIE GETS MAD AT FABIAN!!! 😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏

Riz: "Gertie! Gertie!"

Ally: "I give her the Help action." 😭😂✋

Fig: "Gertie, tell him!" 😂

Gertie: "Get ready for Bladeshield! Stinger, come to me!" 😂🤣💀

Fabian is so confused 😂

Fig: "Gertie, Gertie, Gertie!" 😂✋

Gorgug: "Bladeshield, no!" 😂🤣💀

Ally: "I give her the Help action. I give her the Help action." 😂

Lou: "It's not that good!"

Gertie's initiative is 22 😂

Fabian's initiative is 14 😂🤣💀

Brennan: "She's gonna go to disarm you."

Ally! 😂😂

An opposed athletics check between him and Gertie! 😭✋

Murph: "Wait!" 😂🤣

Emily: "Can I Hex Fabian so he has disadvantage?" 😂🤣💀

Brennan: "Disadvantage? Yes, you can." 😂🤣💀

Lou: "All right, I got a 20."

Brennan: "Okay, you resist being disarmed. It is your turn."

Fabian is gonna trip attack! 😭✋

Lou: "Does a 27 hit?" 😭✋

Brennan: "27 hits."

Emily: "Silvery barbs. Like a bee's barbs!" 😂🤣💀

Lou: "That's better. Yeah, that's better, so 28."

Emily gives advantage to Gertie 😭✋

Zac: "I cast Heroism on Gertie." 😭✋

Lou: "DC17 check to resist the trip."

Brennan: "She resists the trip."

Lou: "Okay."

Ally: "I bonus action cast Shield of Faith. Her AC goes up by two." 😂🤣💀

Brennan: "She resists the trip, but you do, thwack, she has to step back from it."

Lou: "Yes."

Gertie: "I'm leaving."

Brennan: "As she walks out, Fabian, you get a blip on your phone."

"Nemesis Alert. New Nemesis Detected." 😭✋

Riz: "What is everyone doing?!"

Kristen: "It's so good!"

Riz: "We're falling into such easy traps!" 😭✋

Kristen: "It's so good."

Fabian: "I've had better honey."

Brennan: "There's a list that says Gertie Bladeshield and Chungledown Bim."

Riz: "Okay, we have just learned that Gertie is very forward when she's angry at someone and had just made you an enemy. But, there was a possibility that Gertie could have been someone sent to do something to us, and we just ate the honey! We just ate it! We need to be more careful!" 😭✋

Ally wants to do an insight check

Riz: "We got people that are trying to get us kicked out of school!"

Kristen: "You're right, you're right. Why did it come in a special hand-whittled thing?"

Riz: "No, but that's good! Gertie seemed fine!"

Kristen: "Gertie seemed fine."

Ally: "Can I do an insight check on the honey? Is it bad?"

Fig: "If we get the bees on our side, we'll be unstoppable. They're everywhere."

Ally: "Nat one."

Riz: "I don't even know if we're invited to the bee club."

Brennan: "This honey's so good. Even if it's poison, it's just so good." 😂😂😭😭

ALLY!!! 😂😂😂😂😂

Fabian: "Let me get you some real honey, all right?"

Kristen: "Back off!"

Fabian: "Okay!" 😂😭✋

Adaine: "You don't know where anything in your house is, except the milk."

Fabian: "Cathilda had better honey. It's somewhere in here."

BRENNAN AND EMILY JUST LAUGHING AT ALLY GOING CRAZY WITH THE HONEY! I'M CRYING!!! 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gorgug: "It's probably just got more sugar."

Fabian: "Probably."

Kristen: *clears throat* "Oh, sorry."

Fig: "Apple bee."

Kristen: "Yeah, exactly."

Fig: "We need to partner with Gertie."

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 11

three hours. three hours along. this might take me a bit to get through 😭😭 I might not note every little thought because that's. A lot. But definitely a good portion of the normal random stuff

THE CONTENT WARNINGS ARE CONCERNING ME.... BODY HORROR??? GORE??? THIS ISN'T A HORROR SEASON. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A FUN HAHA SEASON???? WHAT??????????

HELLO ONE AND ALL

Ally Brennan Beardsley Mulligan

"What if just shows up for the interview" well I guess that means riz and fig have to create a

PETE WENTZ IS WANDA'S (RECENT) EX BOYFRIEND

"Cause if I say it to Brennan, I'll just be wrong"

CANCELLED 😭

im showing my emo autistic friend this session because they know literally everything about emo bands and apparently Pete Wentz has drank piss multiple times before. Hm.

"Let him sweat"

Mommy/baby time??????

"You are my little baby"

Sklonda embarrassing Riz to Fig is so real and accurate

spys tongue

spy's tongue or spies tongue

Very Humanoid Animals 😭😭😭😭😭😭

AN ORANGUTAN

NAT ONE BECOMES 23 🔥🔥🔥🔥

19 steal orangutan tho

VOMITING

NAT 20 MURPH

BROKEN CRYSTAL??

BLOOD SPLATTER?

oh goodness

Something happened here

CONFUSED?

STABS HER HAND?

Copperkell

Riz asking his mom to see dead bodies

omg did Kalina say Ragh Barkrock because she wanted them to investigate everything that she did back then in reference to him specifically (like the killing clone Lydia / destroying the house, etc.)

Emergency meeting. Even you Fabian.

CARBONIZED BLOOD?

rage kills

CRRRRRRIT it's a 7

IDENTIFY SPELL!!!!!!!

oh no. Brennan why you asking the state of emotions

"Fuck"

TWO IN ONE ONE IN TWO

Identify spell is overwhelmed

ATTACKS ADAINE????

NAT 20 PERCEPTION CHECK

The rot of dead gods??

INTERIOR OF A BODY?

gross gross gross gross

"gorgug..... very good....."

"You have to tip me this time" "nah"

building a God??? oh my...

The daymare queen

Bobby Dawn.

Asking what would make Kristen angry is such a loaded question. So much stuff

"My president!"

gorgug just grabs the angry shard

"I did not tell you I shit." "No, the whole school knows about it"

ADAINE HAS A SCOOTER?

AELWYN ASKED THE SHELTER FOR ALL THE UNWANTED CATS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AND SHE'S ALLERGIC TO CATS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I have so much love to give exclusively to cats"

Camaraderie in toxicity

SHE HAS NO FRIENDS 😭😭

omg aelwyn and fabian boned

"Fuck you. Bitch"

Malarkey

"Tell Kristen to not come back."

zac's little shrugs hehehehe

"I drive down to bastion city and do crimes."

"I shall steal everyone's bones"

THE CATS CAN SMELL THE WARD AND THEY WON'T TAKE THE MEDICINE

aelwyn my beloved I love her so much

FIG DISGUISED AS KIPPERLILLY COPPERKETTLE

Ruben is just constantly being terrorized by fig in the dreamscape

devil's nectar Gertie infodump

KRISTEN AND GERTIE KISSED

"Okay, well let's go out sometime. I'm painfully single, uh, and none of my friends wanna see me naked anymore." Kristen Applebees you are so fascinating

LOCAL FOOD TRUCKS? THE FUCKING FOOD TRUCK FEST

KRISTEN MAKING OUT WITH GERTIE TO DISTRACT HER FROM FABIAN

"Kristen, you know that's my nemesis right?"

KRISTEN GOT HER KISSES IN 🎉🎉🎉

RIZ IS ON THE SCHOOL STAFF?????

LET FIG BECOME THE CLERIC TEACHER

LET WANDA CHILDA BECOME THE CLERIC TEACHER

A CV OF WANDA CHILDA

A WICKER PAPER??????

"I pooped right now."

Adaine over break research paper of curses

RUBEN IS HENRY'S NEPHEW

NAT 20 GORGUG PERCEPTION

He leaves the motherboard.... I worry that it might be stolen by someone else

"Seems suspect." "What do you mean suspect?" "Seems Suspect" their sibling dynamic is so real

THEY BROUGHT ZAYN!!!!

how did they get Zayn through TSA

TELEMAINE HAS A LITTLE THING THAT SAYS GORGUG'S NAME 😭😭😭😭😭

YAK BAK

GRAPE NIP

Hillariel is so pretty

GILEAR IS SO STRESSED

GILEAR SAID FUCK

Gilear is the only person who has made the fig curse the main priority

"I want the yogurt back on my shirt"

ALL THE MONEY GILEAR IN THIS SITUATION MAKES GOES STRAIGHT TO ADAINE

"HE GRABS ME?"

RIZBERT

"TELEMAINE STOP BULLYING ME"

(High pitch voice) "how did she bring winter?"

I heavily fw gertie x tracker

THEIR PLAN B IS SHRIMP JUMP

CRAW FATHERS

GORGUG CLEARLY PISSED OFF

oh fig.... I feel so connected to you

"Who's Wanda Childa....?" "She's my alter emo"

Sandra is so true. I often ask my friends how they percieve me so I can understand myself better.

"What if I punished this man to eternal rock"

"I don't want to see that." Sandra grabs fig's cigarette and takes a hit instead.

SPY'S TONGUE LORE

Kalina with the Spy's Tongue........

I love this lore and conspiracy theories talk

they're annoying but have great record keeping

GORGUG PUT HIS HEADPHONES ON THE SECOND THEY ENTERED THE CHURCH

NAT 20 INSIGHT

Narnia burning man

Fig and Fabian are living it UP

tracker............. i can't say I like her very much after that phone call. So I'm not the most thrilled to see her.

GORGUG PUSHING EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY TO THE HOT CHOCOLATE

WORLD STAR

Half the party is living it up having hot coco while the other half is experiencing / witnessing a very emotional moment

RUNES RELATING TO GIANT DEITIES

GIFT EXCHANGE

PIPES OF THE SEWERS

CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA

THE RATETTES

EAR WORM?

"PUT ME IN YOUR BRAIN"

A PULL UP BAR!!!! IMMOVABLE BAR

BRACERS OF DEFENSE

"Oh shit they're so practical. I have to wear bracers. What can I do? They're so tactic?"

RIDDLER RIZ?

FIRE GIANT JUICE

"Is this legal?" "It's Not."

WOODEN ORANGUTAN MASK

SO MUCH HOLE

HE SENDS A TEXT TO MAZEY THEN PUTS HIS PHONE ON AIRPLANE MODE

KRISTEN NOOOOO

THE BAR

assisted pull ups 🔥🔥🔥

Naradriel is actually so sweet

Hillsong / wolfsong close enough

NAT 20 INVESTIGATION CHECK FOR MURPH

SCORTCH MARK?

LIST OF NAMES??

WEDDING CONTRACT

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

RUVINA MAID OF HONOR

THE MASK

"PUT THE HOLES AWAY AND MAKE THEM"

WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT IS IT. WHAT IS THE NAME BRENNAN

OH GOD

ANKARNA

GLOWS RED? OH MY GOD FIENDISH ENERGY

ADAINE BROUGHT BACK ARKARNA AND LYDIA'S CHEST CRYSTAL

OH MY GOD IF LYDIA DIES I'M GONNA PUNCH MY WALL /HJ

negative one initiative........

SAVING ROLLS FOR FIG? WHY

PRIDE ARMOR

THE MOON BEGINS TO WHAT?

TEARS HER FLESH? OH GOD

BRIDE ARMOR

CASSANDRA IS PROTECTING THEM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

SEVERAL DIVINE INTERVENTIONS ARE HAPPENING SIMULTANEOUSLY IN CONFLICT??????????

FIG INTO THE BRIEF CASE JUST LIKE GILEAR WAS

SIX LEVEL COUNTERSPELL

COUNTER SPELL CRIT!!!!!!!!!

FIG WAS ALMOST KILLED?????????????

RIZ JUMPS AFTER FIG

BARONNNN FROM THE BARONIES

ROËMAENCE PARTNÆR

FABIAN DIDN'T JUMP INTO THE BRIEF CASE. GORGUG, FIG AND RIZ HAVE SO FAR

okay thank god fabian did jump in

DIVINE INTERVENTION ROLL

DEATH WARD ON AELWYN 🔥🔥

BARON IS WARNING KRISTEN?

DID WE JUST WATCH GILEAR FIG DIE?

NAT 20 DEX THROW FOR KRISTEN

what dimension are they in. What is riz's briefcase

ENDING OFF ON A ROLL FOR INITIATIVE??

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL WHAT

[rizs-briefcase]

‼️FHJY EP6 SPOILERS‼️

you know the drill!!!

you know how these start,, MURPH U LOOK SO GOOD (shout out to ur shirt again)

siobhan is also looking fantastic, i love her shirt

brennan is wearing THE shirt i love him

‘you’re doing a better job’ i go back to being invisible

milk and vodka

‘i feel like a bad baby’

i put his dice in the full moon; emily i love you

THE HELIO CLERIC

‘lord, helio?’ ‘yes it’s me’

the bad kids are so unhinged i’m sobbing

‘i know in his final moments he must have repented and,,’ ‘no.. no… he’s in hell now..’

‘our friend kristen was a big cornhead when we met’

riz not knowing half the clubs he’s side up for

‘adaine you can work the door at the next party’

‘damn hot dragonborn about to know your shit’

OISIN I LOVE YOU

FABIAN AND ADAINE BFF CRUMBS !!!

‘i’ll take a break when i break your fucking spine’

‘if your the crabking then i’m the fishermen’ ‘yeah these waters are restricted’ i live ragh and gorgug so much

ragh being so ready to talk about becoming a cleric of cassandra

why was figs first thought when entering fabian’s room to steal some of his clothes please

even just the mention of a para genasi has made me feral,, frost genasi is so fucking cool

OISIN AND IVY ARE IN THE RAT GRINDERS NO I LOVED THEM

kristen and fig are unhinged who lets them together

fetty wap at homecoming i’m crying

emily is so unhinged, what do you mean you’re disguise selfing as this random genasi to try and fuck with people

also other than the rat grinders playing the system; they aren’t even that bad a group. the members all seem okay (famous last words maybe)

the entire group immediately clocking Fig with ‘what if lucy is dead? why are you trying to impersonate their dead friend?’

the running bit about the steel factory is so funny

‘that’s the ice muffets’

i love mazey so so much

mr mulligan what do you have planned

drunk adaine is so so funny

GERTIE I LOVE U LITTLE BEEKEEPER FIRBOLG PLEASE IM SOBBING

the entire party helping Gertie against fabian

new nemesis alert

riz is absolutely spiralling with conspiracies i love him

you cannot go from all the chaos to a kristen/tracker moment please

‘tough but fair, have a great life’ kristen please god

LYDIA YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD IN LIFE !!!

[pagesofkenna]

No you're right and you should say it. Everyone who has gone super aggro on Kipperlily (+ the Rat Grinders as a whole) since the beginning is very much Missing The Point imo. We all love the bad kids but that doesn't mean they're always right. And definitely doesn't mean everyone who doesn't automatically agree with them is wrong.

anon i could kiss you

it's been so wild seeing how aggro people are about the rat grinders in general, just taking single lines and blowing them entirely out of proportion to 'prove' how bad and evil and horrible they are as people. so little context. so much anger!

meanwhile the second Kipperlilly was on screen I knew I loved her. she had the exact energy of an NPC you know the cast could have fallen in love with if they hadn't decided to aggro her as a joke. y'know how Gertie showed up with her honey and said two lines before everyone went 'oh shes cool we like her' except lou, who decided to zag and say 'no i hate her for no reason we're enemies now'?

that's how the cast (and fan) reaction to Kipperlilly feels like. like she literally just said her name and ally went 'oh, the funniest thing i could do right now is make fun of her' and then the obvious followup to that was to antagonize her... and the rest is history.

sometimes first impressions really do set the tone for an entire relationship and the bad kids (not KP, The Bad Kids) made a Bad First Impression. it's funny. it's a comedy show. it's not that big of a deal. but the fan reaction of 'oh this person wants to be student president when kristen is running for student president as a joke and a bit and holding campaign speeches for middleschoolers and obviously she should win?? we hate KP' is.................. a little over the top lmao

[jasonsutekh]

Paul (2011)

An alien finds two science fiction fans in a van when he’s on the run from the government, they have to help him find his way home before the alien is captured or killed.

 This film has a pretty accurate representation of some different types of science fiction fans that I’ve met. It’s not good to stereotype people because of course not all fans of particular things are the same but it’s like the writers of this film have just sat in on a load of conventions and just picked out several of the people that are always there. There were even several traits that I recognised in myself at some points in the film.

 Some parts of the comedy was a bit crude for my tastes, I prefer the situational humour or plays-on-words but when it’s just laughing at breasts or farts then I think it drags the tone of the film down a little too far. Also the idea the Paul influenced just about every idea of what we consider aliens today was unnecessary and a few times it felt that it was done just to get references in there and there were far smarter ways to do that.

 The powers that Paul had were interesting, especially in the healing scenes because for the character Ruth it brought in a lot of much needed subtext about religious belief. Also the main cast was great because as well as the usual Pegg/Frost team there was Kristen Wiig who had a great chemistry with the other two and is quite funny and good at improvising, I hope to see more with her in soon. Also Sigourney Weaver deserves a mention because every time she pops up in a film like this it makes it so much better.

 Despite having the title role I don’t think that Paul is the best character, in fact I’d put a lot of the others ahead of him in terms of likability. I think the main reason for that is because he’s voiced by Seth Rogan who I’m not much of a fan of so there were a lot of times when the smarmy attitude could have been excused if it were a different actor but Rogan added this edge that made Paul do bad things and then sound like he did it to try and seem cool.

 5/10 -Can’t find a better example of average-

 -The two agents are first seen in a place called Gertie’s. Gertie is the name of the little girl from E.T. The Extra Terrestrial (1982).

-During the bar fight, the band is playing the same tune that the cantina band plays in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977).

-The itinerary the main characters make would have them end their tour in New Mexico but they never make it there which is ironic since most of the movie was filmed there.