#Kaz ‘they see right through me do you see right through me’ Brekker

[marsplastic13]

Knock knock - Part 1

pairings: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

summary: The door of the infirmary was slightly open, and Jesper could hear Kaz and Vik's voices. Were they laughing? The boy got closer trying to be as quiet as possible, from the narrow space left from the door he could see them reflected on the mirror. Kaz was sitting on the desk, while the girl was looking between all the bottles and medical supplies. "Saints Kaz, sometimes I think you get all this beat up just to spend some time with me" Jesper frowned, were they flirting? Kaz smiled, smiled?, while looking at his feet "Maybe I do" WHAT?

Tw: mentions of violence, referenced drug use, referenced sex

"Vik.. Vik we're back" Jesper touched the girl's shoulder to wake her up. She was all curled up on an armchair near the fireplace, an anatonomy book with a really gruesome picture was balanced on her lap. "How can she fall asleep reading this stuff?" Asked Jesper turning towards Kaz. "We just beat a man almost to death, Jesper" said the boy raising his eyebrows. "That's a really valid point. Vik come one wake up". The girl bolted on her feet, eyes wide open, letting the big book fall on Jesper's foot, who let out a soffocated groan. "You scared the hell out of me Jes" Vik tightened the blanket around herself, steading her breath. "What time is it?" "Almost three bells" said Kaz leaning over the armchair to lift a bit of weight from is bad leg. "Why are you so late? Did something happen?" She was looking between the two boys rather worried. "Job was fine, and thanks to my hero right there that took all the punches for me, even my beautiful face is fine" Jesper gestured to Kaz, he sighed and turn himself towards the fire's light. He had a cut above his eyebrow and his jaw was becoming a weird shade of purple. "Saints Kaz" the girl made a few steps to take a better look of his face "Come on, let's patch you up, Jesper do you need anything, love?" She looked at him over her shoulder while following Kaz to the improvised room they used as an infirmery. "Don't worry dear, just going straight to bed. 'Night boss".

Halfway through the stairs leading to his room at The Slat, Jesper remembered the marvealous sleeping pills that sometimes he convinced Vik to give him, and he went back to try his luck.

The door of the infirmary was slightly open, and Jesper could hear Kaz and Vik's voices. Were they laughing? The boy got closer trying to be as quiet as possible, from the narrow space left from the door he could see them reflected on the mirror. Kaz was sitting on the desk, while the girl was looking between all the bottles and medical supplies. "Saints Kaz, sometimes I think you get all this beat up just to spend some time with me" Jesper frowned, were they flirting? Kaz smiled, smiled?, while looking at his feet "Maybe I do" WHAT?, "Maybe I asked Jesper to throw a few punches at me so that you could fix me up a bit". The girl laughed, and a little grin appeared on Kaz's lips. Jesper had no idea of what he was witnessing, and he absolutely needed to know more. "Open your shirt, I can sense that broken rib from here" "Yes ma'am" Kaz slowly unbottened his black shirt exposing the bad bruise on his side. After gathering all the supplies, Vik got closer to the desk, between Kaz's legs. "I barely see you these days" whispered the boy placing his gloved hands on her hips "You're always working" Was Kaz pouting? "You know that you're always working too?" Said Vik concentrating on his rib. "This is going to hurt a bit" The sound of the rib getting back in place made Jesper shiver. "You could leave your job, you know?".

Vik was not only a healer for the Dregs, she was about to graduate and become a proper medik. It was way safer then trying to live as Grisha in Ketterdam. Jesper didn't know how Kaz met her, he just showed up one day two years prior with a really cute girl saying to everyone that she was their new healer. Since then, she managed to divide herself between her internship at the hospital, her last exams and taking care of them after jobs. With time she became good friends with all the crows, bonding over their wounds at the start and then going out with them almost every weekend when she wasn't working the nights at the hospital.

The girl sighed while treating the livid on Kaz's side "You know I can't leave my job Kaz" From how they were talking Jesper thought that this wasn't the first time they were having that kind of conversation. "Why not, you're on my payroll" Kaz pulled her closer, cocky grin on his face, searching for her focused eyes. "Your payroll? With what the Dregs give me I would call it more of a charity work" Kaz chuckled "Oh yeah? Care to remind me who pays the rent for your really lovely apartment in the University district, in which I think, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, you haven't slept in over a month?" Jesper's jaw was on the floor. Were Kaz and Vik in a relationship? Since when? 

"Then I guess tonight there's a long walk towards my lovely apartment that awaits for me" said her finally locking eyes with him. "Absolutely not" "See? It's your fault I'm always here". Always here? How was it possible that no one noticed? 

Vik started working on Kaz's face. "And you know I really love my job and I can't wait to graduate" before he could reply she went on "And most importantly, we need this job. What would we do if for some reason we have to leave the city in any moment? Or if you get seriously injured? Or if you just decide to leave this kind of life. Every time you leave I'm fucking scared for you Kaz" she said the last phrase almost whispering. They not only were in a relationship, but in a raelly serious one. 

"I know, I'm sorry" Kaz moved her hair behind her ear, and cupped her cheek, Vik leaned in while letting out a sigh. "You know, maybe I liked your other job more than this" the boy smirked and she laughed "Oh I bet you did, I was a great dancer, and you tipped very well". Now Jesper was more confused then ever, it didn't make any sense, a dancer? When did Kaz went to places with dancers, on multiple occasions without anyone noticing anything. 

"I just wanted you to notice me, you had something interesting" "That's how they call it now?" she looked at him all innocently . "Let's say that my leg behaved better when you were around, I suspected you were a healer sooner than you think" "You suspected or I let you know?" she winked and Kaz smiled shaking his head. 

"Speaking of, how's your leg? Do you need something?" she was back in her healer/medik tone. "I can survive" Kaz shrugged it off. "Why do you have to be like this" she mumbled for to herself than to him, while placing a hand on his thigh and closing her eyes. Kaz released a breath as the pain receided, closing his eyes too. Vik made a little victory smile before going back to work on his face.

"Nina told me you're going to train her" "Yes, I think that since I'm not with you guys on jobs it's better if she knows a few things more". 

Kaz always said that she was more useful staying at the Slat that being out with them and risking to be injured. And it was a perfectly good reason to leave her safe at home, but now Jesper couldn't stop thinking if there was more. Kaz wouldn't be as focus as the jobs required if he had to worry about his girlfriend. The boy frowned at his own thought, Kaz's girlfriend? What a weird concept. He couldn't wait to tell at least Wylan about everything he was discovering. 

"Well, I think you're all good" Vik looked at her final work all happy, using a bit of her power took away the tiredness that her face betrayed when they woke her up. Kaz's hands were still on her hips, keeping her from turning away. He looked at her with a weird expression "I think you have something here" and then he took a beautiful bracelet from behind her ear. "Oh Saints Kaz! Are you out of your mind? Hey how did you do that?" while she was distracted by the gift he undid a few of her shirt's buttons exposing her collarbone and a generous portion of her cleavage.

"You know they call me Dirtyhands" said Kaz grinning. "Idiot" she whispered tilting her head a bit to let him leave a stray of sloppy kisses down her neck, while she observed the bracelet. In that moment Jesper understood that was his cue to leave, he would absolutely not looked at his boss having sex on the infirmery bed with his secret girlfriend. But, unfortunately for him, his sudden movement didn't went unnotice by Vik, who saw him reflected in the mirror.

"Jesper what are you doing?" the girl pulled away from Kaz and turned away to close her shirt. "Jesper? Were you spying on us?" Kaz's look was terrifying as he walked towards him, shirt still unbottoned, lips still a bit red from her lipstick, surely from some kisses he didn't witnessed. At least he forgot to take the cane, was the only thing Jesper thought while Kaz opened all the door. "Look I really didn't want to hear anything I just wanted something to help me sleep, I just got here"

"And then you decided to stay and listen instead of knocking?" He was furious, and Jesper knew he was kind of right. "I am so sorry, to you too Vik" the girl was still a bit red on the cheeks and was crossing her arms looking more annoyed than mad. "Jes I knew you were a bit weird but really, what were you doing? Would you have stayed there and watch us having sex?" "Oh please don't let me think about Kaz having sex" said the boy massaging his temples, look firmly on the floor.

"So you want to think about me having sex?" replied Vik grinning. Jesper opened his mouth to say something but Kaz cut him off "Can you two stop?" he was becoming all red while Vik was about to cry from her suffocated laugh. "Oh Saints so every time we were talking about sex, the mistery boy was him?" Jesper's expression was the one people generally do when someone make them think about the fact that their parents have sex. "Yes, always" "What did you tell him?" Vik and Kaz talked at the same time, one now openly laughing and the other was becoming a new shade of red.

Kaz was a really private person, and he didn't feel the need to talk to other people about his personal stuff. Especially about how he passed the time with his girlfriend. He was grateful for Vik, because she could tear down his walls effortlessly and he would protect their relationship at every cost. Once the situation calmed a bit and everyone regained their composure, Kaz found a chair to seat, his leg was protesting for standing up without his cane. He passed his hands between his hair a few times before speaking with a more calm tone.

"Jesper I definitely don't want to know why you were behind that door, but you can't tell anyone about us. You know how dangerous it can be if some people discoved this, and trust me, I would come for you if anything happens to her. We've been careful for years and-" "Years? You've been together for years?" "We started dating a month after I started working here. Don't look at me like that, he already knows" Kaz was shaking his head ad rollins his eyes. "Well I think those are too many information for a single night so goodnight" the boy walked towards the door and then came back "But not too good, your room is above mine and these beds-" "Get out."

Part 2

[charl3ss]

The thing about Kanej is that they ARE that “the archer x not strong enough” audio and Kaz is the archer and Inej is not strong enough. Do you see my vision here

[midnight-rain-fics]

Labyrinth

{Fandom: Grishaverse}

{Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! reader}

Summary: Y/N has spent many a nights waiting for him to come back safe.

“It only feels this raw right now

Lost in the labyrinth of my mind

Break up, break free, break through, break down

You would break your back to make me break a smile”

Caring about someone sucked.

That was a new realization that Y/N had come to. She had always opened her heart to people, letting them in. Some saw the damage and left and the right ones stayed, settling in her heart as if they were always meant to be there.

She didn't have much, but she had hope.

Until she met the bastard of the Barrel. Caring for him had never been the plan. Slowly falling under his spell as their eyes met across rooms should have never happened.

And yet it did.

Every small quirk of his lips, every time his gaze flickered to her, every word spoken in the quiet of his office, it made her fall deeper and deeper.

Until she was drowning in him.

But he was always too far on the shore to hear her, to see her struggle.

Counting kruge while she counted the stars in his piercing eyes.

The bell struck twelve and Y/N sighed, placing her head in the palm of her hand as she waited for Kaz to return.

In the meantime, she flipped through the paperwork she was supposed to help him with tonight. He was already late, there was no way she would let him do the paperwork now.

Not that he would listen to her. Which is why she decided actions were better than words.

Her anxiety crawled higher up her chest with every bell that passed but she pushed it down, continuing to work. Kaz would be fine. He was always fine. There was nothing in the Barrel that could get to Dirtyhands.

Nothing that would take him from her.

Y/N finished putting away the books, placing it exactly how Kaz liked. She settled back against the chair, pulling her knees to her chest, her foot tapping incessantly.

Any minute now, he would walk through his office doors, chastising her for her odd position on the chair, and everything would be alright in the world.

The bell struck twelve past half, and Y/N bit on the inside of her cheek.

Any minute now.

Y/N's eyes snapped open when the door to the office finally opened, and in walked Kaz. A sigh of relief escaped her lips but her breath stuttered in her chest when she took him in.

His face was covered in blood, gashes and cuts lining the sharp edges of his annoyingly handsome face and his limp was even more pronounced. She could even see blood staining the crow head of his cane.

Kaz paused in his tracks, his bitter coffee-brown eyes looking over at her, "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"Shouldn't you be not covered in blood?" The snark in Y/N's tone was hard to ignore, just as the concern was, too sharp but too warm. Like a double-edged knife twisting in both their chests.

"I thought you might like it" Kaz raised an eyebrow, a challenge in his intense eyes as they flickered to her, savouring every bit of her while he could, "Aren't you always saying how good a man looks covered in blood in those books of yours?"

Kaz walked to the sink in the corner of his office, not waiting for her answer.

"Saints" Y/N shook her head, watching him, lips pulled into an incredulous frown. She followed after him, leaning against the wall, "I am never telling you anything ever again"

Kaz ignored her words, though his lips quirked up faintly. He looked at her through the mirror as he started peeling off his bloodied jacket, and then the shirt that had once been white, now stained blood red.

Y/N bit her lip harshly but did not say anything. Her eyebrows creased in concern, and she looked away from him, eyes trained on the dekappal on the other side of the room.

"I let Nina heal the worst of the injuries" Kaz's raspy whisper broke the heavy silence that had settled over the room and Y/N's eyes flickered up, watching him wash away the blood with a wet rag.

She swallowed, her eyes tracking every movement, from the glide of his pale fingers to the soft expansion and contraction of his chest.

Y/N's eyes caught sight of the numerous blue and purple forming on his shoulders and chest but there wasn't any open wound in sight. She let out a soft breath, arms crossed over her chest, "Right..okay"

Kaz gripped the sink, shoulders slumping slightly as he continued to wipe the blood away. He opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it after a moment.

He had nothing to say to her. Nothing that would comfort her. Nothing she would want to hear from him anyway.

Y/N waited for him to finish drying himself and putting on a clean shirt before she walked up to him, taking the discarded rag from him, "Let me see"

He turned his face to look at her, the dried blood still coating his face, his jaw clenched, but he let her examine him, his heartbeat picking up as her beautiful eyes traced the length of his face.

He knew what he was, a monster made man; crooked and wrong. But as she looked at him with such care and concern, he felt human, if only for a moment.

Love was a poison slowly filling his system and she was the one feeding it to him, and all he could do was wait for the next dose.

Y/N bit her lip, and her fingers itched with the need to reach up and clean his wounds, be the balm to his ever-bleeding wound.

But she knew that was a line she could not cross. Couldn't even dream of it.

Y/N sighed, and let the rag drop back in his hand, careful not to touch his bare fingers, "clean up your face and then put some ointment on the cuts"

Kaz's eyes flickered to her eyes dropping to her lips and then to the tag in his hands. His dark eyebrows furrowed in a solemn frown, "what, am I not pretty enough for you like this?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow at him, nudging the toe of his shoe with her own, "Your pretty face will get infected if you don't patch it up"

She spared him a long glance, fingers curled tightly into fists to resist the urge to stay, to help him even if he won't let her, she cleared her throat softly, "I am going to bed"

[amsgrey]

Price to Pay

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Part Two to Useful Skills

I have spent forever trying to come up with a title so settle for this very bad one. I also can't tell if I hate this or not but the plot is so fucking bad.

synposis: Kaz learns what you mean when you say your power is your weakness.

warnings: not proofread or edited, mentions of stalking/following someone, Kaz being an asshole to others but not you bc cute, Injury and talk of Pain, reader passes out, kind of generally angsty crap for a minute and then fluff

There were pros and cons to being a crow and one of the big cons was stakeouts in the freezing cold.

Kaz had ordered you and Jesper to stake out one of his chosen targets, a lawyer who had a mistress in the Lid. Mostly it meant that you and Jesper had followed him from his cushy apartment in the financial sector to a gambling den and then to his mistresses. Keeping Jesper out of the gambling den had been the hardest, but now as you trailed behind him in the barrel's bustling streets, you were cursing the cold and damp Ketterdam weather.

You and Jesper were dressed in Komedie Brute costumes, Jesper had on Mister Crimsons' cape and mask, hiding his well-known face from those in the barrel. You were covered in the Scarab Queens dress, the shimmering green catching the lights of the barrel. Although the costume was meant to keep you hidden in the crowd of faces, you couldn't help but curse it for how cold it was. Jesper didn't look to be faring much better, his hands were tucked tightly in his pockets, trying to keep them warm. You had no pockets, having to rub your hands together occasionally.

Your wrist had healed more since the incident at Hellgate, but the cold brought out a phantom pain that you were sure would never quite go away.

"Look," Jesper stopped on the sidewalk, pulling you along with him to look up at a building. Like most of the other buildings in the barrel and the Lid, the house was leaning suspiciously into its neighbour. You could almost imagine how damp it would be on the inside, with wallpaper flaking and steps creaking dangerously.

You couldn't see exactly where Jesper was pointing, "What am I looking for?"

Jesper rolled his eyes, moving your chin to make you look at the window he had in his sight.

"Oh."

Standing in the light was the lawyer you had been tailing, he was without his hat and coat, smothering a woman in robes.

"Kaz was right," Jesper mumbled, leaning back on the wall while you both watched.

"Kaz is always right," You replied, joining him against the wall. You would have to wait for a while before asking questions. It would be too suspicious to walk straight in after him.

Jesper looked you up and down, "Aren't you cold?"

You fixed him with a glare, "What do you think, Fahey?"

The sharpshooter chuckled.

"Why in Saint's name did Kaz have to give me a disguise without a coat," you grumbled, crossing your arms so you could tuck your fingers against your side for more warmth.

Jesper gave you a smirk, you knew what he was going to say before he did, "Because you look gorgeous, love."

You huffed, "I'll look less gorgeous when I'm frozen solid."

You and Jesper stayed until the crowds thinned and the lawyer made his way home for the night. You had snuck into the foyer of the building and learnt the woman's name from the mail, pinching one of the envelopes to give to Kaz. After that, there was nothing more to learn. You and Jesper had made the trek back through the barrel to the Slat. Jesper wrapped his arm around your shoulders as you wandered past the pleasure houses and dens. At this time of the night, men were drunk with pleasure and wine, boldened in their crude behaviour. They would stumble out of brothels with sickly grins and harass any woman who dared to walk alone. You quietly thanked Jesper as he held you close.

Entering the Slat, you made your way through the Dregs to where the crows were sitting. You fell into a chair next to Nina, tossing the mask onto the table and stealing a piece of her food.

Jesper joined Wylan in the booth, secretly leaching his heat off him.

"Well?"

You pulled the envelope you had stolen from your dress, ignoring the surprised looks from the rest of the Crows.

"That's where you hid it?" Jesper said as he watched you hand it over to Kaz.

You shrugged, "I didn't have pockets."

Nina grinned, knowing the struggle herself, "I do it all the time."

Matthias tried to hide how he choked on his drink, coughing dramatically. His face was turning bright red as everyone stared at him.

Kaz ignored the Fjerdan, focusing on the paper in his hand. "Did you have any trouble?"

"No," Jesper answered for you.

"Although next time I would like a disguise with a coat," You added, "My hands have never been so cold."

Kaz glanced from the paper to you for the first time, silently taking in how you were flexing your freezing fingers. He nodded once, then disappeared towards the stairwell.

The next morning you were surprised to find the Bastard of the Barrel at your door. He held a brown paper package in one hand, leaning on his cane with the other.

He handed the package to you, "For the job tonight."

"Thank you," You replied, staring down at the package slightly confused. Kaz let out a quiet hum in acknowledgement, then turned and walked away, his cane clicking as he made his way down the stairs.

Your curiosity got the better of you, and you closed the door and sat on your cot gently opening the paper. Neatly folded in the package was a pair of gloves, completely black like Kaz's. You were shocked, gently unfolding them to reveal the cuff's black embroidery.

Like your shadows.

You couldn't help the grin, slipping your fingers into the gloves and stretching your hands to feel how they reacted. They were almost perfectly fitted, just tight enough where they kept you warm but not so tight that you lost movement. You tried to keep the butterflies in you at bay; he brought me gloves.

Saints, if you couldn't keep your schoolgirl feelings at bay you'd be useless on the job.

When you climbed down the stairs to meet with the other crows, they all noticed your new gloves. It was impossible to hide anything from them.

Wylan grabbed your hand, looking at the small details, "These are new."

You rolled your eyes, pulling your hand back, "Can a girl not get new things?"

Wylan grinned, "Did you get them? Or were they a gift?"

"From a certain Mr Brekker?" Nina pressed, joining in on Wylans teasing.

"I have no idea what you idiots are talking about."

Kaz had decisively paired you with him on the upcoming job. You had frowned and asked if you were better suited to help Matthias and Nina lay the trap, but he had simply ignored the suggestion.

You tried not to be frustrated, Kaz hardly ever explained himself to anyone, why would he do so for you?

So you followed along with him willingly. He was dressed in his usual sharp clothing. The tidy waistcoat and dress pants with his usual black coat. He ordered you to dress similarly, like a wealthy woman. So you put on the nicest skirt you owned, borrowing a white blouse from Nina and pulling your coat over it all. You wore the gloves Kaz had given you, trying not to overthink about what was probably a harmless gesture.

You stood to Kaz's right, watching the shadows around the square as you waited patiently for the lawyer to fall into Kaz's well-laid trap.

Wylan and Jesper would be somewhere beyond the square, watching your back in case anything went wrong.

"Do you like the gloves?" Kaz broke the silence.

It took you off guard, "Oh, uh, yes." You flexed your hands, "Thank you."

Kaz nodded, "I had them made by a fabrikator so they would not hinder your summoning."

So that's where he had slinked off to last night.

You had to compose yourself, biting your tongue to ground yourself. Kaz Brekker was not some crushing boy giving you his favour through a gift, it was no doubt a strategic move as part of his plan. Then why did the butterflies in your stomach refuse to cease?

Get a hold of yourself.

You brushed down your skirt, pretending to be distracted by making yourself look presentable rather than looking at the boy next to you.

Another few minutes passed and the lawyer came stomping around the corner into the square. He was joined by two other men, no doubt enforcers he had paid to protect him.

"Mister Herling."

The lawyer looked torn between being afraid and irritated, "Brekker."

When you first found work in the Barrel, you were surprised that everyone seemed to know who Kaz Brekker was. After a week in the pub, you heard almost every rumour that the barrel had spun about the bastard of the barrel. The whispers that barmaids told, Dirtyhands doesn't need a reason.

Herling looked the two of you up and down, "Your muscle, Dirtyhands?"

You smiled sweetly, "Is that so hard to believe?"

The man on Herlings left chucked, his eyes lingered on your body. You shuffled your feet, trying to hold back your disgust at the man. You spared a glance at Kaz, who had noticed but chosen to ignore the man. Instead, he lifted his cane and flexed his fingers, like a silent challenge.

The lawyer waved his hand, "What business?"

"You work for Geels," Kaz stated, "I need to get a message to him."

Herling's face morphed from passive annoyance to one of outrage, "What makes you think I would do that for a barrel rat like you?"

Kaz lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug, "Everyone has a price."

"You think you can bribe me?" Herling cried, clearly insulted and angered by Kaz's comment. "Respectable men do not take bribes."

"Good thing there are no respectable men here."

You held back a laugh, this was not the time to appreciate Kaz's dry humour.

Herling let out a noise, halfway between a growl and a huff. "You are a special kind of messed up, boy."

Kaz didn't seem at all phased, he calmly explained what he meant by 'price'. The women you and Jesper had learnt about last night, proof that Herling was not a respectable man and had something to offer unless he wanted his wife to know.

"I don't know who that is," Herling hissed, but he couldn't hide his panic.

Kaz stretched his fingers that held his cane, the leather of his gloves flexing with his fingers.

"The thing about the Lid," Kaz spoke, "Is that no one cares if people disappear. This is Ketterdam, after all, space is valuable."

Herling put it together, he stepped forward and raised his fist, "If you lay a hand-"

Kaz smacked his hand away with his cane, Herling recoiled, stepping back and cradling his hand like a child.

"Stop making empty threats, Herling, and start making deals."

Kaz struck a deal with the man and you both waited for him and his men to leave before turning and walking out of the square. As you both exited under the arch, Wylan and Jesper fell into step beside you.

"You think he'll follow through?" Wylan asked, his hands clutching the straps on his satchel.

Kaz didn't have to explain himself, "Yes."

As the four of you picked your way through the streets back towards the slat, you started to become aware of something moving in the shadows. You were so focused on the movements, you didn't even realize Nina and Matthias had joined your group.

Finally, you couldn't stand the feeling of being watched anymore. You stopped, turning around to search the street for the two figures you knew were around.

"Y/N?" Nina asked, standing next to you.

The others stopped a few steps ahead, frowning at you.

"Someone's out there," You said quietly to Nina. The heartrender reached out, searching for heartbeats to verify your feeling.

She frowned, turning back to the others, "Y/N's right."

Kaz joined you both, looking out over the silent streets. Kaz didn't have to say anything, two men came slinking out of the shadows to face him.

They were the same two men the lawyer had at his side, but now their sleeves were rolled up, guns in hand. You realized they weren't just paid goons, they were black tips.

"You don't know when to back off, Brekker," One of them hissed.

Kaz looked indifferent, "I could say the same for your boss."

One of the men cocked his pistol, pointing it at Nina, "Move your hands and you die, witch."

Nina rolled her eyes, holding her hands up dramatically.

Two more men drew out of the shadows to join the other Black Tips. They too held up guns.

One of them held his gun trained on Jesper and for good reason. Jesper would be able to get you all out of this with a spin of his pistols, with a gun trained on him he couldn't help anyone.

"No getting out of this."

You spared a glance at Nina, who stared back at you with a silent response. Don't do it.

You knew you shouldn't, Kaz would be able to get you out of this. He was at your side, so you turned to him. He had his scheming face, trying to put together a plan.

"Stadwatch?" You whispered.

"Probably paid off," Kaz replied.

You looked back to the four men, who were arguing over who would get to drag Kaz to the boss.

"Y/N," Kaz saw straight through you, "Don't."

You didn't have a choice, Kaz knew that.

Without dwelling on it too much, you reached out. You could feel the shadows bending to your will, they pulled towards you, amassing around your feet and climbing towards your hands. You drew your hands up in a loose arc when your hands were almost touching, and the shadows formed a loose line. The four men looked up, shocked silent at the view in front of them.

You raised one of your hands, then threw it down in a fast slash. Your shadows formed into a shape blade, reaching out and cutting all four men down. Although not the first time using the cut, it felt the same. A rush of exhilarating power, like nothing could stand in your way. Then there was the crushing pain like your body was trying to repel your powers. The feeling was always there after summoning, but it was mostly bearable, a sharp pain behind your eyes or a dull ache between your shoulders. The cut always took the most out of you, your mother had called it unnatural, merzost. No Grisha was supposed to have such power.

You watched the men's bodies fall, split cleanly in two. Then the pain was too much, you fell to your knees, gasping for breath.

Nina and Wylan were at your side instantly, Nina quietly reminding you to breathe as she held your hand tightly. She was paying close attention to your heart rate, it was beating so fast she could only wait for you to pass out. She pulled you close when you lost consciousness, your body going limp on the damp cobblestones.

You were in and out of consciousness the whole walk back to the slat. Jesper and Matthias were holding you up, trying to make it look less suspicious than it would if they had you strawn over their shoulder. You could hardly keep your feet moving, Jesper and Matthias were mostly holding you up.

When you finally got back to the slat, Jesper dragged you to your room, a tiny sliver of space on the third floor. He lowered you to the bed, dropping you less than gently.

You were still consumed with pain, not sure of what was going on, "Thanks, babe." You muttered.

Jesper laughed, "You are very welcome, love."

Jesper left the room, letting Nina take his place at your side.

"Tell me what I can do to help," She pleaded, pained by seeing you in such a state.

"Nothing, Nina," You replied, letting out a sigh.

"Are you sure?" She tried again, gently brushing the hair off your feverish forehead.

"I'll be fine, Nina," You replied, "I just need to sleep it off."

Nina nodded, knowing she wouldn't be able to get much more from you. She stood and quietly left the room, passing Kaz in the hall.

Kaz lingered for a moment before stepping into the room. You could feel his presence, not bothering to open your eyes to see him.

"Boss."

When Kaz didn't reply you opened your eyes, looking at his face. He looked almost concerned, you wondered if you had imagined it in your state because as soon as you made eye contact the look was gone.

"You said that your abilities were your weakness," Kaz said after a long pause.

"And now you see why."

Another long pause.

Kaz nodded once, "Thank you."

You might have appreciated those words more if you hadn't been half asleep. Kaz never said thank you.

"Don't thank me," You said, "I need to be gone by this time tomorrow."

It didn't take a genius to see four bodies cut in half and know what it meant. Only one summoner could use the cut and by exposing yourself tonight you had no chance but to run.

"You don't have to," Kaz spoke so quietly you almost didn't hear him, "You could stay."

"If I stay," You replied, closing your eyes and covering your face with your arm, "I will be hunted, killed."

You could hear Kaz move, the click on his cane. He had stepped closer. "I won't let that happen."

The rational part of you knew that Kaz would be powerless to stop however came after you. But you were exhausted and slightly delirious, so the only thought that passed through your mind was, he wants to protect me.

"I guess I can stay," You drawled, finally losing the fight to unconsciousness.

The next morning when you woke up you were tucked under a blanket, your boots by the end of your bed and the gloves Kaz had given you folded neatly on the bedside table. You had the same butterflies, but this time it felt more real. You weren't imagining things, at least you had hoped you weren't. Surely that hadn't been some kind of terrible dream.

You needed to be sure, forcing your tired body to rise from the bed and slip on your shoes. You hesitated at the door, knowing climbing upstairs to Kaz's room in the attic would be gruelling. You forced yourself to do so anyway, taking the stairs slowly. When you reached the top, you felt lightheaded, your body betraying you after last night's show of power.

You knocked once on Kaz's door, entering after he allowed it. When you stepped in you had to reach for something to hold on to, your head swimming.

"You should be resting," Kaz spoke, watching you hold yourself up on the metal bedframe. He could see how pale you looked, your face was full of colour not long ago. He thought briefly about how he wished to see you back to yourself again. Then he was shutting that thought out of his mind.

"What you said last night-" You ignored Kaz's order, trying to stand a little taller and feign strength. Kaz could see through the cracks easily.

"Was the truth." Kaz stood, leaning on his cane as he got a little closer to you, worried that you might just keel over, "I won't let anyone hurt you."

Relief crashed over you, washing away some of the panic that had clouded your mind.

You and Kaz held each other's gaze for a while longer, content in the silent company of one another.

You knew you should rest, your body was screaming to sit or lie down. It would only follow your orders for so long. But you weren't sure you would make it down the stairs without falling, which would definitely make the pain in your head worse.

Kaz seemed to come to the same realization. He gently grabbed your arm, holding tight to your bicep to lead you to the side of his bed. He helped you sit, then returned to his spot at his desk. There was something unspoken, Kaz didn't have to tell you to stay because you could see the question in his eyes. You let out a small sigh, nodding and deciding to lie on Kaz's bed.

Kaz clearly didn't mind, his attention returning to his papers. You watched him work, taking in how his eyebrows furrowed as he read over reports and expenses. You hadn't realized until now that he wasn't wearing his gloves. His slender fingers flipped through the paper like a dealer would cards.

His hands are stained with blood.

What a ridiculous rumour to believe, you thought. Sitting at his desk before the morning light, he looked like any other businessman. An honest man with no worries about the harshness of this world. You didn't much care for honest men, because there were hardly any. You had done terrible things in your lifetime, last night had not been the first time you had killed and without a doubt, it would not be your last. You did not deserve an honest man. With the powers you held, no one could be fully trusted. You had known that your whole life.

But lying on Kaz's bed, watching him work, you were struck by something much scarier than starting to trust him. You were starting to feel safe.

taglist

@unicornfairytail @winstonthecow22 @mxtokko @lonelywitchv2 @kazbrekkers-gloves @intoanothermind @dontstopxx @beautifulbows924 @lu123sworld @slutforcoffein @u-wakatoshii @yujyujj @swhispererr @khaleesihavilliard @nyctophiliiiiaaa @thedelusionreaderbitch @adorawritesalot

[rainydaymiscellaneous]

I hate to ask again but I had and idea. Also the last one was so cute thank you. If you can can you please write a Kaz Brekker x reader where the reader is in love with this book but no one has read is so they have no one to talk to about it so Kaz reads it and starts a conversation about it with the reader and they get really happy and start ranting about it to him and he’s just happy to sit and listen to them and make comments from time to time

Dude, send me all the requests for our boy Kazzle Dazzle your ideas are so creative!

Book Club (Kaz x reader)

He needed an opening. Just one solid reason to actually talk to you. You had been in the Dregs for years now and Kaz was still struggling to even breathe around you. He had this crush on you that he refused to admit was there. Inej saw it, even dumbass Jesper saw it.

You'd assume that Kaz was mute if it hadn't been for your presence in the Dregs. You had been there for a long time but disappeared on a mission far off for three years. The room above Kaz had been vacant and then suddenly it had life. Kaz had no idea anyone even lived above him until you knocked on his door your first night back and asked him to join you for tea.

There you sat on a nice couch with a cup of chamomile. Kaz was perplexed by who you were and why the fuck you wanted to drink glorified leaves in water.

"Why am I here?" He asked.

"You tell me." You said, sipping from your cup. Kaz furrowed his brow.

"You asked me to have tea with you." He said, watching you with those daggers for eyes.

"You didn't have to say yes." You shrugged.

"I did."

"You did not." "I did." He said. "Okay then, why did you have to accept?" You asked. He sighed, looking at you with his gloved hands gripping his cane.

"Because I needed to know who was suddenly living in the room above me." He said. You rose a brow.

"You could've asked Inej to investigate." You said. He blinked.

"You know Inej?" He asked.

"I've been in the Dregs for three years, of course I know your main lot. Inej, Jesper, Nina, Wylan and that off-putting convict Mattias." You said.

Kaz was confused. How did you know so much but he was ignorant to you? How did he not know who you were?

"I'm a sharpshooter. I use that-" you pointed to a rifle on the mantle "rifle to kill whoever you want dead." You said.

"Why do I not know you?" Kaz asked.

"I was off in Shu Han for Haskell." You said. "For what?" Kaz asked.

"You do your business, I'll do mine." You said.

He liked that response. It meant you'd keep any secret that slipped through your ears. "I will work for you when you need me. Say the word, I will be there no questions asked unless one of ours is bleeding." You said.

"Why tea?" He asked. "We easily could've done this over something less detestable."

You chuckled. "You've not had the right tea then." You said with that smile.

That fucking smile. From that moment on Kaz was hooked. He couldn't help it. It was hard to not fall in love with someone like you. You were always there when he needed you, apparently you had taken some training on stealth from Inej, leaning to be one with the dark making you even more deadly.

But for the deadly persona that the streets simply knew as "the bullet", you were a gentle person. Kaz often noticed you with stray animals, seeing that kind smile. The one that made Kaz at a loss for words. You'd often make that same smile at Kaz when you'd pass him with a gentle "hi boss."

Sure, technically Per Haskell was the "boss". You however knew damn well Kaz was the brains behind everything. You had become close with the other members of the Dregs, including Inej who called you a sister. She loved being around you. You gave good advice and that was probably why the rest of the group would flock to you.

So there you all were, your head in Jesper's lap as you read. Kaz had noticed your sudden interest in this, everytime he saw you, you had that book in hand now. Wylan looked over at you.

"Care to join the game?" He asked.

"I'm good." You said, turning the page.

"You've been reading that for two weeks now, come up for air." Inej said.

"I need to know if Alistair lives Inej, the prophecy is strongly implying he will die and I don't think Cousland can handle him dying." You muttered, reading.

"None of that made any sense." Nina said.

"It'll make sense if one of you would at least read it." You said.

"We're all too busy. Kaz keeps giving us stupid b&e's.(breaking and entering)" Jesper said.

"Not all of you are busy though. Wylan?" You said.

"Kaz has been training me for lockpicking." Wylan said.

"He take you to the financial district?" You asked, looking up.

"Once or twice." He shrugged.

"Course he did. Best place to practice." You said before going back to your book.

"Alright, who's in?" Jesper asked.

Inej noticed Kaz at the bar, occasionally looking over at you. "I'm out." She said.

Inej made her way to him and he cleared his throat, turning back to his drink. It looked like scotch but the smell... it wasn't scotch it was tea.

"Didn't you say that tea was just leaves in water that is hot?" Inej asked.

"I hadn't drank the right tea." Kaz said, looking at the glass with vacant eyes. Inej recognized the expression. Kaz was at war with himself, as usual.

He never handled his innermost feelings well, especially the ones that left him vulnerable. And what was more vulnerable than love? You were a plague to his mind, always there. When it wasn't your face that he was smiling internally at, it was your laugh. When it wasn't your laugh it was your smile and so on. He wanted so badly to talk to you like he once did over tea but he didn't think it was a good idea.

You were just so perfect in his eyes. So beautiful, so smart. If he tried to converse, he'd make an ass of himself. He needed an opening something fierce. Something to give him a reason to talk to you instead of "hey, your face is anestheticly pleasing to look at, which I do. Frequently. Without you knowing."

"You're staring at your glass mighty hard there." Inej said. Kaz looked up. "You should just talk to her." She said.

"It's not that easy." He muttered.

"I do it all the time." Inej said with an eyeroll.

"Because you are friends. You know her. I am not that lucky." He said.

"You do know her." Inej said.

"Not like that. I know her from afar. Where it's safe." He said, drinking the glass.

"Kaz, she's right there. Just talk to her." Inej said.

You got up, stretching with a yawn. "I'm heading out " You said to Inej.

"Kaz will go with you!" Inej volunteered.

If looks could kill, Inej would've been six feet under at that moment Kaz glared at her.

"Alright..?" You said confused. Kaz sighed looking at Inej and then you before standing up.

He walked out with you, noticing the dark clouds that hung in the sky. "Looks like it might rain" he said.

"Good reading weather." You said.

"You're usually reading nowadays." Kaz said.

"It's a nice escape from things when they get too intense." You shrugged.

"What is it that you're reading now?" He asked.

If you were a dog, your ears would've perked up. "It's amazing- it's about this girl who joins this legendary army and has to rebuild what was-... Sorry." You cleared your throat.

"Why are you apologizing?" He asked.

"Well apparently everyone thinks I talk too much about this book." You said.

"Who said that?"

"Well Nina." He'd kill her

"And Jesper." He'd shoot him with his own guns

"And Inej." Wait what?

"And pretty much anyone who asks me." You finished.

"Wow." Was all Kaz could muster for words.

You shrugged. "I wish they'd just listen to me and read the damn book." You said.

"Why do you think they haven't?" He asked.

"They're all busy. They have their own lives and I have mine. It's nothing personal, I know. But I just wish sometimes I could talk to someone about it and have them actually know what I'm talking about." You said walking.

Kaz then realized this was it. This was his perfect excuse to get closer. "What's the name of the book?" He asked curiously.

"Rise of the Grey Wardens. Why?" You asked.

"I figured I could read it." He shrugged.

Your eyes lit up and Kaz felt intense joy. He made you happy. He actually made you happy. He didn't mean to but he did and my god were you adorable to him when you were beaming. "Then I know where we should go!" You said walking ahead of him.

Instinctively he followed. "Where are we going?" He asked.

You looked back, a breeze blowing your hair in such a beautiful way as you turned to him. "My favorite place in Ketterdam."

He asked no more questions after that, just following you quietly through backstreets. Kaz watched you approach a side door to a building, knocking on it rhythmically. The door open, an older woman smiling at you.

"Weren't you just here a few days ago?" She asked.

"I brought a friend." You said with a smile, stepping back and motioning for Kaz to introduce himself. Kaz couldn't help but feel a little giddy of your use of 'friend'.

"I'm-"

"I know." She said. She didn't say it with disdain though, which shocked him. "You're the reason we're still open. Come on in Mister Brekker."

He didn't know what that meant but accepted the invitation, walking in. "Do you have another copy of 'Rise of the Grey Wardens'?" You asked.

"I do, why did you burn through your other copy?" She asked.

"Mister Brekker wishes to read." You said with a grin. Kaz's eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room. Bookshelves lined the walls both on the first and second floor of the building. There must've been thousands of books in front of Kaz.

"Here you are mister Brekker." The woman said.

"Thank you er..."

"Miriam." She said with a nod and a kind smile. She gave off the feeling of a doting grandmother with how fond she seemed of you. "Right! Y/n dear, I made some sugar biscuits if you'd like to try them" she said. You seemed to have found your way upstairs when you responded back with a

"Be right down!"

You returned with a new book in hand and Miriam grinned as Kaz took the book. "I see you've found the sequel." She said. You had the biggest grin.

"I had no clue it was a series." You admitted.

"The second one tends to be slow but it is vital for the third." She said, handing you a cookie.

You smiled, taking it. "Thank you. How much do I owe you?" You asked.

"Nothing. It's on the house." She declared.

"Miriam, if you ever wanted to apply for sainthood, I do believe you to be eligible." You said making her laugh.

"Thank the saints you didn't know me in my youth." She teased making you laugh. Kaz couldn't explain it. Usually smalltalk annoyed him but something about this was nice to him. You and Miriam seemed to have a tight bond.

"We should go, it does look like it'll rain." You said, peaking out a window. Kaz nodded but Miriam held her hand up before handing you and Kaz paper bags.

"For the road." She told the both of you. You gave her a kind smile before walking back to the door. "One moment Mister Brekker." She halted. Kaz turned around as Miriam motioned for him to lean forward for them to whisper. "Keep her safe, will you? There's not many a good person in Ketterdam but she's one of them." She said.

Kaz with possibly the sweetest look of adoration he could muster simply said "I will, Miss Miriam." Before he followed you out. The two of you began your trek back to the Slat. "How long have you known Miriam?" Kaz asked.

"Going on ten years now. Saved her cat from a town fire, she's been grateful since." You said, opening the paperbag and pulling a cookie out. Miriam gave you both cookies. Maybe Miriam was just a village grandma.

"Has any of the others met her?" He asked.

You shook your head. "You'd be the first I've shown to the Archive." You said.

"Why me?" Kaz asked as a crack of thunder sounded off.

"Because you asked me about what I read." You said before walking into the Slat.

Kaz winded up spending a good week reading that book. You were right, it was an amazing story. When he finished, he had that same urge that you did to discuss it.

All of the crows were back in the club, this time Kaz and you both playing a round of poker. Jesper hated this. You were way too good at poker and kept winning, hand after hand. You had a nice stack of chips. Inej seeing your smirk as you leaned back in your chair.

"I win again!" You said.

"Why is this so hard?" Wylan asked.

"Because Y/n is way too good at this." Jesper groaned, smacking his head on the table. Nina sighed.

"I need a drink. A very large one." She said.

"I've got my own little army of chips." You said, stacking them.

"You could rebuild the Cousland estate with your winnings." Kaz said, you looking up slightly shocked. "Course, I could always pull a Howe and, y'know. Knock it down." Kaz added.

You looked bewildered as Inej rose a brow.

"Kay, is it just me, or did none of that make sense?" Jesper asked.

"You just made a reference." You said.

"I did." Kaz nodded.

"You finished it."

"I did."

"And!?"

"You were right. The book is fantastic, I could not put it down." Kaz said.

Inej and Jesper exchanged a look.

"Fuck poker. We need to discuss the book NOW!" You said excitedly.

"Yes! Put me out of my misery!" Jesper said.

Kaz looked at him and then you. "Let's have tea." He suggest. Nina's eyes went wide as she realized what was happening before her, her looking at Inej who had a smile on her face.

"I'm grabbing my coat! Let's go!" You said getting up. Kaz followed you as you practically bounced out the door with excitement.

Nina gaped. "How long has he been in love with her!?" She asked as the door closed.

"Oh a while now, like since she got back." Wylan shrugged.

Jesper and Inej looked at Wylan as he moved your chips.

"You knew?" Inej asked.

"It'd take a blind man not to see."

You ended up back at the Slat, sitting cross legged on your sofa. You two must've discussed the book for hours, Kaz loving every moment of it as he heard you passionately talk about the story.

You sighed with a smile. "It's funny, I didn't think you liked me." You said, looking at your empty tea cup.

Kaz rose a brow. "Why did you think that?" He asked.

"You just seemed so... I dunno. Angry that I returned." You said.

"I wasn't."

"But you seemed it."

"I didn't know who you were. I was on my guard" he said. You rose a brow.

"You're not anymore?" You asked. Kaz bared a gentle expression that made your heart almost explode inside your chest.

"I'm not. You're one of the few I trust. The only I'd trust with my entire being." He said. Kaz didn't have faith in a lot of things. But he had faith in you and it showed. He looked at you. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

You gave him a look of pure adoration. "Of course." You said. You had spent your life reading books about the greatest romances of all time. You'd get lost in those stories of how the man always loved the girl but she didn't realize it until a pivotal moment.

"Kaz... you said you trusted me." You breathed. "Please. Please let my intuition be right." You thought to yourself as Kaz gave you a questioning look. "Do you... love me?"

Your question hung in the air for what felt like the longest minute of your life. Kaz definitely seemed caught way off his guard by the question, his eyes widening the second he realized what was happening.

This entire time he has been hoping for an opening to talk to you. A moment to truly get to know you. Well he got one. And he fell in love with every bit of you. He swallowed hard.

"Forget that I asked, I am so sorr-" "I do." He said.

You blinked. "What?"

"I love you." He said. Your jaw must've hit the floor. You knew how guarded this man was. You heard that any semblance of vulnerability was practically impossible from Kaz and yet here he was. Being the most vulnerable he could be with you.

You looked at him before getting up. He thought his words might've done something bad. Maybe you didn't want his love. Maybe he had misinterpreted everything, maybe he was a fool for thinking there was-

You kneeled in front of him. "Kaz, may... Uhm... May I touch you?" You asked. With hesitation he nodded as your hand gently held his cheek. The touch of humans was deeply unsettling to Kaz. That feeling brought him back to a place he never wanted to be in ever again and yet somehow...

Somehow your gentle touch made him feel safe. If it had been anyone else he'd probably be in the process of murdering the fool who touched him. But it was you. You were like an angel on earth to him.

"When I look at you, do you know what I see?" You asked softly.

"No." He muttered.

"I see someone else who's been through hell and came out on the other side." You held his hands, Kaz looking in your eyes. "We've suffered long enough and we deserve to be happy." You said softly.

Kaz had a momentary loss of control. He kissed you, you leaning into his touch. He pulled away with wide eyes. "I am so sorry-" "shut up and kiss me Brekker."

The next day you were at the crow club reading at the bar next to Inej. Jesper yawned. "It's a boring day. Wish Kaz would give us something to do. By this point I'll take a fucking b&e." He whined.

Kaz, as if he were summoned, walked through the doors of the crow club, sitting on your other side. For once, Inej watched you put your book down as you gave a gentle smile to Kaz. "Hello" you said.

The dead give away that something had changed was the fact that Kaz smiled. He actually smiled back at you. "Hello." He said softly.

Inej and Jesper swapped shocked looks. "Y/n, do you mind helping me with this? It's a rifle mod and I wanna make sure I've got the measurements right." Wylan asked. You looked over.

"Alright." You said walking off.

Jesper and Inej looked at Kaz who now had a drink in his hand. "What the hell happened last night!?" Jesper asked.

"Nothing important." Kaz shrugged.

"We just had tea."

[jakescakeislateforourdate]

Kaz Trying to Show Affection

Kaz Brekker x reader

⚠️WARNING⚠️: violence, blood and gore, touch aversion, kaz damn near passing out from a panic attack

Enjoy this garbage!

…

Mr. Brekker

Dirtyhands

Showing affection

It’s unthinkable

But affection, in some form, is necessary to a healthy relationship

Kaz isn’t stupid, clearly, and he knows he’ll have to either work through or find a way around his problems.

He’s also got too much pride to ask for help from his crew

So he starts with the verbal affection

Phase 1 step 1

“Come sit with me.”

“Come have a drink with me.”

“Help me with these plans will you.”

Invitations without threats

No ulterior motive other than your nearness

No black mailing

No money

This is his way of telling you that he cares for your company.

Whenever he wants comfort, he can’t vocalize it normally. It shows as ‘please’

“Please come closer.”

“Stay with me, please.”

step 2

“Hold my cane.”

“Hold my gloves.”

“Watch my hat so Jesper doesn’t try to swipe it.”

Trusting you with his prized possessions.

His cane especially, he’s trusting you to make sure nothing happens to it and that you get it to him when he needs it.

Then there’s the gloves. You know why he wears them. You understand why it’s hard for him to touch. It’s like he’s putting his heart into your hands.

He also thinks it’s adorable to see you clutching the worn leather gloves to your chest. You refuse the let them out of your hands because they are everything to Kaz and you won’t see them missing.

step 3

“That looks nice on you.”

“You should wear that color more often.”

“You always come through for me.”

Compliments

These aren’t hard for Kaz to think up. He always notices things he loves about you. He just needs practice at pointing them out

He has to do it when no one is around. So it’s less conspicuous

step 4

“Good morning, darling.”

“Sweetheart, have you got my gloves?”

“Come lay with me, my Honey.”

Pet names

Kaz needs you to know you’re special. And not just because of whatever skill set you add to the team, but because you really do mean something to him

He’d love it if you had one for him, only to be used in private.

Kaz also gets used to thanking you

“Thank you, darlin’”

Saying it is odd, he’s had to struggle and claw at everything he’s got. And for you to give something to him without him have to bleed for it

Babe, life is good

But it can get better

step 5

“I—I love you.”

This is the peak of his verbal affirmation. He can’t give you more than this. It’s admitting weakness.

What else do you want from Dirtyhands

Phase 2 step 1

Touching is a whole new battle

Oh how Kaz fights

It starts at his desk, across from each other. He sees your hand splayed on the table. Waiting. He slides his ungloved hand towards yours.

Fingertips brush. Just the tips.

He’s alright

The touch was so small and he trusts you so much

His breathing is deep but even

He leaves his hand touching yours for as the long as he can, which surprisingly is until he finishes studying some maps and a bit of paperwork

He works his way up from there

Clasping the ends of your fingers from about the second knuckle up.

Palms laying on top of each other

And finally, fingers interlocking

This is weeks of work right here

He’s so proud

He’d think to boast but it’s not in his nature

From there taking ahold of your arm or shoulder is pretty easy

He still gets panicky but he can manage

step 2

Kissing

Where to begin

Kaz has trouble breathing when you hold hands

How is he supposed to get close to your face with his and keep from hyperventilating

Oh but he tries

There’s several failed attempts that you both get a laugh out of

He’ll dip forward to kiss you and then chicken out, swaying back and snapping his fingers

He cusses himself out

It’s so cute

He’s giving it his best but Dirtyhands is struggling

One day he comes to and demands, “Just do it!”

You stare at him—wide eyed.

“What?”

“Just—kiss me.”

He’s standing stiff as a board. Fists clenched at his sides. Like he’s asking you to rip a bandage off.

You brag him but the waistcoat and pull him closer.

He closes his eyes, skin paling and shimmering with sweat. He’s already breathing hard.

“Come on.” He grits out.

You lay a gentle peck on his lips.

When you pull back, you pat his chest and he opens his eyes. They’re glossy. “Thank you—“ he breathes.

He’s practically drowning. But he just wanted to kiss you once.

He decides to start by kissing elsewhere first.

Your hand for starters

He’s comfortable with them. Eye contact becomes increasingly important. A way of communicating without speaking.

Next is your shoulder

Preferably when you’re getting dressed, he’ll lay a kiss on the skin before you tug on a shirt.

It’s brief. In passing. Easy.

Forehead comes next. Just above the brow and minimal contact.

Then the temple and jaw.

His lips brush so light they tickle. It’s so sweet to watch him. He often smiles afterwards. He’s triumphant, winning victory after victory.

It’s taken him months, maybe even years to get this far. And he’s so proud, so accomplished.

Your squishy cheeks are next. He actually enjoys nuzzling into the flesh. Planting wet kisses as he enjoys the sensation before the waters close in.

I forgot that he likes to kiss your nose, or tap it *boop* I have a feeling that his inner child always compels him to do it.

Then comes the lips.

Oh goody goody

You gave him that peck but he’s got to do it for himself

He does it as a surprise

He’s got to think of it terms he understands

Heists

He’s stealing a kiss

So into stealth mode he goes

You’re in the armchair reading, Kaz watches for a long time

Hyping himself up

There’s a break between when you lower the book to take a sip of water.

Excellent time to strike

He approaches as you reach for the cup

But then you clutch that stupid book in your hand while you drink

He’s about to have a fit

But no

He’s worked to hard for this

Besides, how many of his heists work with plan A

He stomps over, snatches the book from your hands, and captures your lips.

It’s so quick and messy

But he got the job done

When he stands back up, his lips glisten and he just nods

Congratulating himself

Bastard

The last type of kiss is the hardest

Your throat, when he first met you he wanted to slit it open and now—

Well he’d given anything to touch his lips to it

But this almost always proves too much

I think it’d be the proximity of contact

With every other kiss he can isolate the touch

But when he leans in to kiss your neck, your jaw and shoulder are standing guard

You tilt your head to the side and drop your shoulder but still

This type of kiss never ends well, usually with him scampering off to fight a panic attack

But the feel of his velvety soft lips is intoxicating

Phase 3

Gift giving

Like a crow, if you reward him he will bring back trinkets time and again.

Little snacks he nabs from street vendors

Pretty jewelry he swipes on heists

Your favorite paintings he robs from museums and manors.

Pretty things he finds

All for you

This is simple and easily in his wheel house

He likes to steal pretty hair clips and ribbons, sometimes right out of a girl’s hair, at clip them into your hair himself.

He really likes to play with your hair whether it’s long or short.

He likes to slide rings onto your fingers

Slap bracelets on your wrists

Clip a necklace around your neck

And if you’re sitting down, he’ll lift one of your feet into his lap and slip and anklet around your ankle.

You’ll wake up to tea and waffles at your bedside

He’ll leave his coat draped over the arm of your favorite reading chair on cold days

He’s even allowed you to wear his gloves when he notices that stuffing your hands in your pockets is no longer keeping them warm

Speaking of pockets

Kaz slips stuff in there all the time

You name it, he’s probably stuck it in your pockets at least once

Usually little snacks and small trinkets but he once managed a whole waffle without you noticing

Creeps you out a little bit he’s trying his best

Phase 4 Injury

This hurts kaz the most because he knows you need him and he’s can’t hardly touch you

It kills him inside

But your blood on his hands will live forever in his memory like Jordie

He freezes up

He’s helpless

This is one of the rare times you’ll see him cry

He’s so lost and scared and it actually shows through the cracks of his facade

He watches you bleed and just cries

Once you get treated he’s by your side all the time. Waiting on you hand and foot

Many times you’ve woken up to him holding your hand while he’s dead asleep sitting in a chair next to your bed

He’ll change his bandages, prying away the soiled dressings and applying new ones. It’s his apology for being useless

About that crying, if you bring it up he just shakes his head and changes the subject

He won’t give on that, you are hurt right now and his focus is completely on you

Phase 5 cuddling + hugging

When you’re bothered encumbered with layers of clothing it’s surprisingly easy, he asks you to put your arms around him, so he doesn’t think of his brother’s dead body

He’ll stroke the back of your head and kiss your temple.

When he does get the strength to hug you back, it’s gentle

He just rests his arms on you

Then the coats come off and he has to do it all over again

Laying in bed together takes a long time but once he gets there he wants to try spooning, him being the little spoon

A because when he holds you he gets the sense of floating with his brother Jordie

And B because he likes to be held

Cuddling must be planned

None of that surprise business

He wants to see you coming

Touches must be light for the cuddles to last

He can’t stand being smothered

Now whenever Kaz does hold you, he’s cradling you like a sack of Kruge

Talk about princess treatment

Finally Phase 6 showering and bathing

Note that this portion contains nudity but no actual smut

This arguably takes the longest to get to in the relationship

You didn’t even think to bring it up

In fact it was him who asked you to showering with him

Bare, wet skin

The lights are low, candles burning at their ends.

Kaz has you turned with your back to him. He washes your hair. His fingers ghost over the nape of your neck and your shoulders.

Damn he’s so in love with you it’s not even funny

See you so close to him, so intimately, is nerve racking

He’s got you turned away so you can’t see the panic in his eyes. He’s battling it as watches droplets of water run down your skin.

The water his warm, steam clouds the glass walls. You are warm, so unlike a corpse

For a moment he’s not touch you at all,

And then his lips are pressed to the bone at the base of your neck.

Neither of you say anything

You just let the kiss live in the moment and stay unlabeled

As for bathing

This is a hard one, the submersion, body against body, this is probably the one thing he can never do

It’s to much like the barge. To much like clutching onto Jordie it that awful harbor.

So don’t ever expect a bath with him. You may help him on occasion. When he’s sore from a mission

If you’ll wash his hair and knead his shoulders, he’ll be grateful but there’s no getting in the tub with each other.

Now there’s the stuff you don’t see

We all know about Kaz fingering out some dude’s eye because he stabbed Inej.

But if it were you instead of Inej

Kaz has done unspeakable things in your name

Some bastard looking at you for too long

Kazzle Dazzle is instantly jealous

A good beating ought to do the trick.

If someone were to lay their hand on you, they better say goodbye to that hand

There may be a few people walking around Ketterdam missing one or two limbs

Kaz doesn’t tell you about these things

He prefers you not to know Dirtyhands

If you have guy friends though, you better watch it because them besties may learn a few things from Kaz

[bartonbones]

im very excited for s2 of shadow and bone because i want to see the crows and also i'm dreading it because if i have to see another "book kaz would NEVER get his ass beat like that" post im going to stapling chapters to foreheads.

our FIRST pov chapter from kaz brekker begins with him saying "If you couldn't walk by yourself through Ketterdam after dark, then you might as well hang a sign that read "soft" around your neck and lie down for a beating." followed, not THREE PAGES LATER, by him, in fact, getting drugged in an alley and beat! the whole point of kaz, the reason why he's interesting, is because so much of his reputation and his strength is built on lies. he lets people believe that he's worse than he is, that he has no heart, that he feels nothing, because that's the only way he wins. the truth of it, the actual truth of the thing is that kaz is only as invulnerable as his mental state: the reason he gets beat in the books in his first pov chapter is becuase he's distracted by the trauma of his brother coming back as a ghost. the reason he gets beat in the show is becuase he's distracted by the trauma of pekka rollins.

what makes kaz compelling is that there is always this tension between the reputation and revenge he has fought so hard for and how close he is, at all times, to losing it. if the right person finds out about his vulnerabilities and figures out how to use them, then it's over for him and he knows that. you need to be able to represent that tension in kaz or he's literally not interesting!! people without vulnerabilities, who do not ever fail, who do not ever fall down, are not interesting!!!

the show needs to be able to represent that tension and that arc in kaz, and one of the ways it (and the book!) had introduced that to us is by first introducing the idea that here is this character who is fearsome, who is impervious, who is brutal and terrifying, and then, once you know all of that, saying, and here's what scares him. here's what you need to understand could take him down, here's why you need to worry about him, root for him, care about him!! it's like some people are so obsessed with this narrow image of kaz that they are willing to sacrifice good story telling to keep it. we need to see kaz lose battles or we aren't going to care when he wins wars!!!

there's a lot you could say about the changes they've chosen to make for the show, and some of them i agree with, but this "kaz would NEVER lose a fight, ever" motif just frustrates me so bad because it's just like. categorically false. it's in chapter 3. page 43 of the book. the first chapter we have to introduce us to kaz brekker. not only would he absolutely get his ass beat like that, it is a fundamental part of him as a character !

[lesbicosmos]

six of crows is so incredibly hozier coded and to prove it ive assigned each character/couple a song and given a specific section of the lyrics

(i feel entirely normal about this i swear)

the books in general are 100% eat your young

There's money to be made, whatever's still to come Get some Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

kaz brekker - arsonist's lullabye

When I was 16, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew the scent was mine alone All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

inej ghafa - would that i

With the war of the fire My heart moves to its feet Like the ashes of ash I saw eyes in the heat Feel it soft and as pure as snow Fell in love with the fire long ago With each love I could lose I was never the same Watch it still live in roofs Be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Lay in waste of my lovin' long ago

jesper fahey - someone new

There's an art to life's distractions To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through Some like to imagine The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way

wylan van eck - through me (the flood)

Any time I've struggled on Against the course Out on my own Every time I'd burn through the world, I'd see That the world, it burns through me

nina zenik - angel of small death and the codeine scene

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

(this is so nina post-parem)

matthias helvar - foreigner's god

Her eyes look sharp and steady Into the empty parts of me But still my heart is heavy With the hate of some other man's beliefs

kaz/inej - work song

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

(this is just so i would come for you and if i couldn't walk i'd crawl to you i cannot)

matthias/nina - in a week

A thousand teeth And yours among them, I know Our hungers appeased Our heartbeats becoming slow We lay here for years or for hours Thrown here or found To freeze or to thaw So long we become the flowers Two corpses we were

(they're also incredibly work song coded, it was a struggle choosing between helnik and kanej for that one)

wylan/jesper - like real people do

So I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way I already know I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

[swanimagines]

FAMILY WITHIN | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: You have a crush on Kaz, and Jesper and Nina have taken it as their mission to get you two together - and maybe the first step succeeds.

You had never been one to believe in love at first sight. But Kaz Brekker changed that view, as the man pretty much stole your heart like a thief he was the moment you had first talked with him. It was foolish to fall for a man like him, you knew that - but you really couldn’t help it.

And after some weeks of drooling after him, you had ended up confiding about your feelings to Nina who had picked up your heartbeat and told you that. And Jesper had of course overheard it too. At first, they had been surprised about it and then tried to not talk about it and that lasted for months, and you knew it was because they knew it’s highly unlikely Kaz would ever develop feelings for you too. Even though Kaz always joined you for breakfast, asked you to help him with planning heists and all that. But lately, Kaz had stopped joining you on the breakfast table and also insisted he no longer needed you for planning heists, and somehow Jesper and Nina both had been on you, pestering you into talking to Kaz about something else than work. They had presented you a ridiculous idea - about Kaz liking you back and avoiding you because he tries to suppress his feelings.

“What would I even say to him? ‘Hey Kaz! It’s a beautiful day! Customers love our drinks! Come join me to a cup of coffee!’” you mock-cheerfully said, swinging your head as you did, and then rolled your eyes, your shoulders slumping. “He’d look at me weird and then steer the discussion to somewhere else. Somewhere else being, in other words, work.”

“Well…” Jesper squinted his other eye, the corner of his lips going up. “You could… tell him that you’ve noticed him avoiding you outside work and asking if there’s a reason. And then proceed hinting you have feelings for him. You shouldn’t tell him straight up about your feelings, but-” 

You scoffed, cutting your friend off. “Oh Jesper, wow, a great idea!” you exclaimed, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “But I’d rather die. Honestly you guys, you think Kaz would ever love me back? No. He avoids me because he thinks I’m annoying.”

Nina laid a look at the man sitting little farther away, looking through something. “I wish you would hear his heartbeat when he looks at you. It jumps, every time he sees you. He may be good in hiding his feelings on the outside, but his heartbeat doesn’t lie.”

“And the looks he lays on you, he surely doesn’t do it on purpose, but they scream how he’s crazy about you.” Jesper smirked, glancing at Kaz too.

You sighed, lowering your gaze at your drink, willing yourself not to look at Kaz with them. “Don’t do that,” you mumbled. “Don’t give me false hopes.”

Nina’s smile faded away from that. “Why would I give you false hopes? I would never ridicule you, especially not about matters like this.”

Jesper nodded, taking a sip of his drink before looking at you. “You are one my best friends. You helped me with Wylan, so it’s my turn to help you with Kaz.”

You were quiet for a moment. “Kaz says love is a weakness.”

Jesper shrugged, wrinkling his nose. “Yeah, because he doesn’t want to admit he’s fallen for you.”

You finally risked a glance at Kaz, secretly hoping you’d catch him glance at you too - you could smile softly at him, and see a hint of whether Nina and Jesper were right. But of course he didn’t. His eyes were glued on the parchment in front of him.

Nina’s hand grabbed your shoulder as she leaned close to your ear. “Go to him. Offer your help.”

You swallowed, trying to tell your feet to get up, to walk to Kaz, see how he reacts if you actually went to him, sat across from him - started to speak with him.

You shook your head. “I- I can’t.”

Nina sighed, standing up. “If you won’t, I’ll go tell him myself.”

Your gaze snapped at Nina that instant, grabbing her arm. “You wouldn’t.”

She smirked. “If that’s the only way to get the train leave the station, then yes, I would. I’m tired of watching you two drooling at each other.”

You stood up as well then, smoothing out your trousers and shirt, feeling your face heat up in a rapid pace. “Right. Okay. I’ll go.”

Nina and Jesper shared a look of victory, and you turned around, taking in a deep breath as you made your way to Kaz. He looked up to you when you approached, holding his gaze for a second before dropping it back down at the parchment - which you now saw being a blueprint.

“Another heist?” you asked, maybe a little too briskly and then pursed your lips. “Um, can I sit here?”

Kaz glanced up to you again, sighing before dropping it back on the parchment. “Why?”

“Bored. Jesper and Nina are talking about their love lives, and um, I felt lonely so- no no, that came out wrong, I don’t mean–” your heartbeat quickened up again and your face heated up even more. “Um, I mean, I saw you sitting here and thought that… it’s nice to sit with my boss sometimes?”

You wanted to slap yourself for being so awkward and grimaced at yourself when Kaz wasn’t looking. He paused for a moment, before nodding just slightly. You sat down across from him, trying to shift yourself so you wouldn’t look suspicious before you dropped your eyes on the parchment, inspecting it for a moment. “Van der Velden manor?”

Kaz frowned, looking up at you again. “You know it?”

A soft smile spread on your lips, remembering your childhood. “There used to be a playground nearby. We always played there with my friends as children, the old housekeeping lady was always shouting at us over the fence to keep our voice down. We weren’t even that loud,” you snorted and then paused for a moment. “Is there something special to snatch?”

Kaz squinted his eyes at you for a moment, before he nodded slowly. “An artefact came in a couple of weeks ago. Priceless, they call it. It’s a jewelry set called ‘Wonder of the Sea’. It’s worth looking into.”

You nodded, laying your hands on the table as you leaned forward to inspect the blueprint more carefully. You bit your lip, tapping your fingers against the wood, squeezing your eyes shut. Then you slowly looked up, forcing your eyes open. “Kaz?”

“Hm?”

“Why have you avoided me?”

He paused, but not lifting his gaze from the blueprint. You could almost see wheels turning in his head. Then he continued tracing his finger along the hallway. “I haven’t avoided you.”

Of course he said that.

“Um, okay. It’s just that, we used to eat breakfast together and sit together til late night looking through blueprints. And now, suddenly, you have said you no longer have time for breakfast and you also don’t need my help. I just… it doesn’t feel likely that these two things changed so suddenly and I’d like to know if… I did something or if there’s–” you swallowed. “If there’s anything… else?”

Kaz paused again for a few seconds. “What else would there be?”

You mulled over your words. You knew you wouldn’t be able to ask if he has feelings for you this early on, nor you could confess your feelings for him, but you didn’t know how else would you reply to his question. So instead, you left the question unanswered and you sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes, only listening to the noise the Crow Club provided.

Then you spoke again. “Why have you started to come down here to work?”

“Change of scenery.”

“A quiet office switched to noisy club area?”

“I’m not working here on game nights. And it’s easier to keep customers on check if they know I’ll see when they misbehave.”

You fell silent for a minute again, before you mumbled, maybe without thinking it through, “I heard you’re only working down here when I’m here.”

“Nothing more than a coincidence.”

Of course not.

“Kaz, I… I want you to know that I’ll always be grateful that you took me in to the Dregs. I’ve found a family here.” Within you, you wanted to add, but knew it’d be too bold.

Kaz’s dark eyes flickered up to meet yours again, and this time he held his gaze for longer than last time. You offered him a soft smile, before he turned to look at the blueprint again. You then stood up, going back to Nina and Jesper, who were immediately asking about how it went. But you didn’t even know how it had went - the discussion had given mixed signals. Nina assured you that Kaz’s heartbeat jumped every time you spoke to him - and you really hoped it’s true.

—

Mornings in Ketterdam weren’t pretty. There wasn’t sunlight and only birds singing were crows. So it wasn’t easy to wake up, but you forced yourself to get out of the bed anyway - sleeping in could result in being late from breakfast, and since lunch was often very late, you didn’t want to miss it.

You dressed up and made your way downstairs, stretching and yawning as you went, and once at kitchen, you set the table with a loaf of bread and butter and went to take a cup from the cupboard. Then you heard a click from behind you, and got startled slightly, turning around with wide eyes to see Kaz standing there. You let out a chuckle of relief, clutching your heart.

“Kaz, you scared me,” you breathed out. “Um, did you need anything?”

He just looked over at the little table. “I supposed I could have some breakfast.”

You stared at him for a moment, before realising that the talk you had had yesterday maybe had some effect on him, and you couldn’t help but grin, nodding and taking another cup from the cupboard.

And so you sat at the breakfast table together for the first time in weeks, and even though you didn’t really talk, you felt like this could develop into something more over time…

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[zepp-l1n]

His Anchor

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!reader

summary: sometimes Kaz needs a comforting presence. fic type - angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship warning - Kaz's haphephobia and trauma :(, also a little ooc Kaz at the end?? word count - 1,494 a/n: hiii! hope you guys enjoy!

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It wasn't unusual for Kaz to get overwhelmed and slip into one of his episodes. Too much time spent in interactions, physical or not, would cause him to feel the water rise up his spine and start to consume him. In the past during times like these, Kaz would run off and lock himself into his room. No one was to come in, and no one was to go out. Now things were different. Now he had (Y/N).

The girl had become apart of his team of Crows early on, but it wasn't until a little while ago that the two crossed into a relationship status past friends (one that Kaz refused to call "lovers" due to his hatred for visible weaknesses). Since they had reached this point, the two had been working on trying to break down Kaz's walls. Understandably, the couple had been taking it slow, and didn't try to go to far out of Kaz's comfort zone.

So far, they had managed to make some progress. The first step had been hand holding in short time frames - which was okay, with or without gloves.

Next had been opening up about Kaz's childhood. (Y/N) still didn't know much, due to the fact that she didn't want to push him to far to fast, but it was enough for her to understand where he was coming from. Now, when he had the episodes, she was right there with him - staying far enough away so to not make it worse, but close enough that he wouldn't have to go through it alone. She was now his savior, pulling him back to shore when the waters threatened to drown him. And he needed that safety, especially in moments like these.

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Kaz was crouched in the corner of his room. His goal had been to huddle up on his bed where he would be more comfortable, but the waves had become to much for him to go any farther. All he could see was Jordie. All he could see was Jordie. There was no escaping him. He could feel the cold hands of Jordie and the others gripping at his body.

Kaz had been alone in his study when the attack hit him, so he didn't have far to go to hide away. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) had seen his shaken form enter his room. She subtly excused herself from the conversation she was having with Nina and Matthias, and calmly made her way to the room. Inside, her brain was running a mile a minuet. She knew how bad Kaz could get sometimes, and she could only hope that he was alright.

Inside the room, the boy had curled into himself farther, trying to get any slight piece of relief. He was too far into his own head that he didn't notice (Y/N)'s knock on his door, nor did he notice her enter the room.

"Kaz?" she quietly called out. Her gaze drifted to the boy on the ground - the boy she had grown to truly care about. She could tell he was hyperventilating, a common occurrence during these episodes, but his breathing was far more erratic than usual. "Kaz, sweetheart?" (Y/N) closed in on the boy, arms cautiously open and outstretched. Kaz still didn't notice her. Once more, she stepped towards him. "Kaz, I need you to listen to me, okay?"

His gloved hands were painfully clasped around his shoulders. He couldn't take in anything other than the water and Jordie. Nothing else seemed to be real.

(Y/N)'s hands reached for Kaz's. She didn't know what she was planning on doing, but she knew that she needed to bring him out of the episode fast, for his sanity and hers. "I'm here Kaz." she mumbled, soft hands winding around the leather she had become happily accustomed to. "You're safe. You're here with me." Her words and movements were gradually becoming more frantic. While keeping one hand on his, she brought the other back to herself for a moment. She knew that holding him anywhere else was way past the boundaries they had broken, and although it could possibly help, she wasn't sure if it would make things off between them afterwards.

A broken gasp brought (Y/N)'s attention back to the boy in front of her. Kaz's chest was rapidly heaving, trying to take in unnecessary amounts of air. His already shaking body seemed to increase in speed. She needed to do something, and fast.

(Y/N) knew that even the slightest bit of cold flesh may send him farther into his episode, so she quickly pulled both hands away and started rubbing them together to get some friction. Once they were as warm as she could get them, (Y/N) placed her hands onto his body - the left cradling his neck, and the right caressing his face. She pulled his body tight against hers, resting his head on her clothed chest. From this angle he would be able to hear her madly-paced heartbeat. "Kaz, darling, please." she loudly begged.

In Kaz's head, and behind Jordie's angry yells, he started to hear a steady 'thump'. Warmth enveloped his face and neck, pushing away some of the violent waves.

Soft cries started to leave the girls mouth. She couldn't help the frustrated and scared tears misting over her eyes, or the overly panicked thoughts rushing through her head.

Kaz could feel the waves dying down, but he still couldn't get away from the cold and damp feeling of the death he experienced. The thumping was still a steady tune, pulsing through the back of his conscience. He knew something or someone was there, but he couldn't get away.

"I'm here." her choked words returned to their former softness, but still repeated rapidly, as if speaking them over and over would bring him out of his trance. "Please..."

The thumping grew louder, and faster in pace. Whatever it was, Kaz was sure would burst in minuets. It echoed in his mind, blocking out Jordie's yells - blocking out the smell of sea water and the feeling of water filling his lungs. Then came the call of a soft a familiar voice - one that he could recognize and point out within all of the crowds in Ketterdam. (Y/N). The dark haze started to clear from his mind, letting him take in the sight of the girl holding him.

For a moment everything stopped. It was as if Kaz was someone else - as if he hadn't lost Jordie, or been dumped with the other bodies, or as if he could freely touch anything and anyone he wanted. He felt the soft skin pressing on his neck and face, and subconsciously leaned into it. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, coming into contact with the soft skin he now adored, and he couldn't help but let out matching whimpers and cries of his own.

A soft gasp sounded from about him, "Kaz!" He could feel the girl start to pull away, the feeling of her warmth leaving his cold body, and he swiftly pulled her back.

"Stay." his broken voice whispered. "I'm sorry." Her heartbeat rang in his ears, proving to him that she was real, not some body he was forcefully sat beside.

"Don't be," she hoarsely muttered. "You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me." Her right hand ran over the rough skin of his cheek, brushing against the small scars that littered the area.

"I do." his voice vibrated against her shoulder. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

(Y/N) pulled his face away from her, and used her hands to force his stare back in her direction. "Kaz Brekker, don't start with that. I am here - to help, to hold, to get you through the unnecessary suffering. I will be here every step of the way." Her voice never raised above a whisper.

"But-" he started, but (Y/N) cut him off.

"No. I will be here. I will be your tether back to reality, whenever I am needed. I will bring you back to me - back to the crows - back to yourself. We will get through this. One day, things will get better. One day, I will have you, without your armor. But until then, I will be with you every step of the way." (Y/N)'s eyes pierced into his own throughout her entire speech. Her words and look were enough to render Kaz, for the first time, speechless.

Kaz leaned forward, securing himself back into her arms. He didn't know how much longer this moment would last, or how much longer he'd be able to hold her without feeling the need to throw up, but he knew she would wait as long as it took for him to be free of his fears and hold her like this always. He knew that he had her. he finally had his anchor, and he wasn't letting it go.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

You write for Kaz brekker too ? I didn't know that

How are you love ? Hope you're taking care of yourself , staying hydrated and getting enough sleep 🫶 .

Here's my request ( no Pressure pls ) : I was wondering what if y/n is a dreg , but she and kaz haven't worked together yet , but they go on a job or something and kaz finds out that she's even more unhinged and psychotic than him and he instantly falls for her , a few years later when y/n asks him how he knew she was the one for him , he tells her and y/n is taken aback but also happy that he fell in love with her because of her darkness , and didn't shy away from it .

I'm sorry if this was not coherent , I'm tired rn and I was too excited 😅 anyways tc 💜

warning: blood, mental of past trauma, touch aversion, murder, loss of family members.

Bloody hands

It's an early winter morning. A different one than a handful of years back. No freezing toes or fingers. No blue lips. Clattering teeth. A growling belly. A fireplace is roaring happily and the room is nice and toasty. A warm blanket is draped over your frame but the main source of heat is the body that you’re lazily snuggled against.

It takes you another handful of breaths to take in your surroundings. Ones that even after a couple of years still felt like a joke of imagination. Surreal. Like a dream. One before you die maybe… “Good morning, my darling”, a husky voice pierced through your mind. Making you turn slightly. And here he was. A soft smile broke on your face because there wasn’t a moment now that you weren’t grinning from ear to ear when you looked at Kaz. “Morning”, you muttered softly, turning to snuggle back against his chest. Kaz didn’t flinch. Haven’t been flinching for some time now. At least not when you touched him. Others still ticked him off at times and he was still firmly against any touching with his team and friends. But your touch had always been different to him. “It has healing powers”, Kaz had muttered on one of the first nights when you two had started working on his touch aversion. It had been a long process. One that required a lot of patience. But the result had been worth all the sweat and tears.

“How did you sleep?”, Kaz slowly moved his fingers through your hair, reaching to wrap his arm around you, pulling you even more tightly against his chest. “I always sleep well with you in my bed”, you muttered, palm resting over his heart and the neatly tattooed initials of your name there. “Touché. And to think that you go claiming that you’re an independent woman…”, you didn’t have to see Kaz’s face to know that he was smirking. “You, sir, think too highly of the company you provide”, you jabbed a finger against his ribs playfully making Kaz let out a barely audible chuckle. “You flatter me one moment and stab me the other”, the fake wounded tone that he carries made you let out a breath laugh yourself, as you scooted up on his chest, bracing your hands on either side of him before narrowing your eyes at the now man laying beneath you. Kaz stilled for a moment his hand coming up to cup your cheek before he used your delightful hum as a distraction to flip you both over. Both panting with breathy chuckles.

“Dreamt of you today”, he murmured, making you still. “What do you mean?”, you frowned slightly. Kaz had never been a dreamer. Through the years of you two being together, he only had nightmares or dreamless sleep. “Do you remember the first job we did together, miss black leather boots?”, Kaz teased, brushing his nose against your cheek before leaving a couple of kisses along your shoulder. “You never called me miss back then if I remember correctly you called me a bitch the first time we met”, you shrugged, “And you loved the boots so don’t give me shit for it mr. Black gloves”, you bopped his nose, making Kaz roll his eyes.

“You blew up my warehouse with your makeshift bombs, sorry my words of endearment were harsh”, he hummed right as your hands reached to comb through his way longer black hair. “See, the way I remember it. That building was in my way so the only logical solution was to move it”, you pointed out innocently. “I always liked this unbothered wild side of you”, Kaz admitted after a moment of silence, “No fucks to give, no fear for tomorrow”.

Even if by now you two knew more than well that there had been nothing but fear. Yes, you had made a name for yourself and yes your and Kaz’s paths crossed by accident but it felt as if your two were meant to find one another. Both were utterly beaten by the world but so in need of a company that understood without words what the other felt.

“And here I was thinking that you loved watching me pulling knuckles out of the two bastards the most”, there was humor there but by now Kaz knew that it was simply your cover-up for pain. “I didn’t love it but I was glad to give you closure”, he admitted leaning in to kiss your temple. The way you had helped Kaz to pay an overdue visit to Pekka. Kaz had found the man responsible for your family's murder. Turning a blind eye to the ways you dealt with them.

“Why do you even love me?”, your quiet words jab at Kaz like the sharpest of knives. “How can you even ask that, darling?”, he shakes his head in disbelief. He hadn’t believed in love before he met you. “You know I hate sappy but I read poetry to you, you wear my clothes and get to kiss me whenever you want”, you rolled your eyes at his statements, “Not to mention that I would slaughter a whole town without a second thought if that would lead me back to you”. You crooked your head to the side, watching him, “I like you with your hands bloody, Kaz Brekker”, you smiled up at him. “I’d gladly get them bloody for you Y/N Brekker”, reaching up Kaz carefully took a hold of your hand kissing the sparkling stone on your ring finger.

[reve-writes]

—come running; kaz brekker.

ʚ kaz brekker x reader | grishaverse | 1k words. ʚ slightly inspired by this prompt. | after your payout, you decided to leave everything behind. the gang, the jobs. until your old crew is in a bit of a pickle and you come running back. ʚ set roughly in crooked kingdom; mild spoilers; light angst. ʚ a/n this is a short one and i wasn't sure how to end it.

“You should not be here.” Kaz rasped, visibly confused that you were standing at the Black Veil instead of being at Ketterdam University. You should be in your cramped dormitory room, perusing thick textbooks to cram for your tests. You shouldn't be with them—the most wanted people of Ketterdam.

The rest of the Crows were running errands, taking their gondels off of the island. Aside from a sleeping Kuwei, Kaz was the only other living person there.

You swallowed. “I heard that you're forced into hiding from Rotty.”

“He shouldn't run his mouth to anyone.”

You winced. You were just anyone now. “He didn't tell me where, Kaz. You did, back then. Remember?”

He did. Before a particularly risky job, if anything went wrong, he told you to come to the Black Veil. No one ever went there anyway. An island housing the tombs of the wealthy wasn't a point of interest to both locals and tourists.

“You shouldn't be here.”

His name fell from your lips pleadingly, simultaneously familiar and foreign. It had been seven months since your last job with the Crows. Seven months since you left and enrolled at the University. The payout was abundant—it would support you until your graduation and then some. You had even taken a job. An actual part-time, away from the Barrell and the pubs and the scams. Kaz had pulled a lot of strings, getting fake documents for your application, creating a whole new persona for you to be.

He made you promise to stay away from the Barrell. For seven long months, you did. Jesper would swing by occasionally. He was supposed to be a student here anyway, before the gambling and the sharpshooting. You usually got the news about the Crows' happenings from him. Until Jesper stopped coming, so you had to ask Rotty.

Once a liar, always a liar. You had lied through your life in the Barrell. You lied to get into the University. It didn't seem far-fetched that eventually you would break your promise to come back here.

“What happened, Kaz? Rotty only said something about Van Eck. I thought we were supposed to stay off of Van Eck.”

Kaz clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Again, I should tell Rotty to shut his trap. Leave, ___. Go back. This doesn't concern you.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Kaz recognised your stubborn quality. He had always found it endearing, your relentless approach to life. The two of you were alike in that sense. What he disliked was that you didn't know when to step back.

“No. Why are you here, ___? You can't have forgotten already. Stay away from the Barrell.”

You picked at your cuticles. “I don't know. I just—”

“You don't know?” He asked incredulously. “You know that I'm a wanted man. We all are. Do you not find University to your tastes anymore? Are you trying to be a criminal, again?”

He was being unfair. “What was I supposed to do then? Go and study my textbooks, not knowing if any of you would still be alive tomorrow? Should I wait for the newspapers everyday to see whether or not you had kicked the bucket?”

“Yes! You should. You should've kept your word and stayed away.”

Kaz was at the edge of telling you everything, despite everything logical in his being telling him no. Ghezen knew he was at his limit, especially after Inej had been taken and everything else. What if you were spotted when you came? What if someone found the two of you right now? What if Van Eck took you as well?

You were supposed to get out. He got you out of this Ghezen-forsaken place. You gave him your word that you would stay out. Why were you so eager to return?

“I don't know, Kaz,” you admitted. Your voice was quiet. “Old habits die hard. When I heard that you were in trouble, I wanted to immediately come running. The way we used to have each other' s backs. It was foolish of me, but you can't seriously expect me to turn back and continue on as if everything is alright.”

He pursed his lips. “You chose to leave.”

It was as much your choice as it was his. “You encouraged it. I said that I wanted to go to Ketterdam University in passing, and you got me enrollment forms. You made me a whole new identity."

The inside of the tomb was hollow, your voice echoed through the chamber. Kaz leaned back against the mossy stone wall, closing his eyes and taking a frustrated breath. He slid down to sit, and then patted the empty space beside him.

“How's university? Is everything to your liking?”

You sat down, not close enough for him to be uncomfortable. “It's a routine. Repetitive weeks. It's funny how the only thing everyone is excited for is the weekends.”

It was definitely all the death in the air on the Black Veil Island. He swore he didn't mean to say anything. He had a thousand thoughts going through his brain, but instead he said, “I can feel the lack of your presence.”

You wanted him to say it. “Feel what, Kaz?”

He turned his head to look at you. “You know.”

This was what it always came down to, wasn't it? You were picking up breadcrumbs that he left, treating them as if they were a feast. Then, he would vanish, leaving you yearning for more until eventually—as always—he would do it all over again.

“Say it, Kaz,” you pleaded. “Say you want me to stay or leave forever and never come back.”

It should've been easy. Leave. Leave and don't look back, but his hand twitched and his heart leaped at the word stay.

“Stay,” he rasped out, tasting it in his mouth tentatively. “Stay in this dump. Stay with me.”

“I will stay.”

His eyes widened. He was envious of how easy it was for you to say things that you really meant and held your heart out in the open. For the first time in months, the constant weight in his chest was lifted, the worry lines in his forehead whenever he thought about you were smoothed out.

“For as long as you like,” he whispered.

You nodded vehemently. “For as long as you want me to.”

[ ]

[ms-fade]

hi! how about kaz brekker smut with a reader who's crying cause it feels sooo good??

Tears.

Kaz brekker x reader. 18+ Drabble. (No confirmation of gender)

YES! YES I WILL DARLING.

I hope this is okay! It’s short, also added a bit of another kink in it- Hope it’s okay. Also a glimpse of slightly dark Kaz entering.

Warning: Crying of pleasure, fluffy? Smut, spanking.

Kaz brekker was one who needed you to be comfortable at all times. You had stayed by his side and waited for him until he was comfortable with touch. The time with waiting, wanting and painfully watching you, he finally let the demons in his head go away.

So he hasn’t been letting anything get in the way of him having you, where he wants, when he want. (If you want it too) But he was a monster in bed, even though he cared he was always so rough with you. But you didn’t want it any other way.

“Fuck.” He groaned above you as he slammed his hips between your spread thighs. The room smelled like sex and the two of you, the room was getting hotter as each second passed by. He didn’t care that you both had pushed the bed back into the wall.

You wrapped so perfectly around him and the warmth felt so fucking good. He would slam so hard to get his cock to hit the deepest parts he could reach. He knew just the way you liked it, what way to push his cock in and the rhythm you liked. You had taught him how to touch you right, even taking some leads on his own that made you see stars.

His head leads back and his eyes closed from the pleasure. He had no clue as you started to tear up but he could feel the effects it had on your hole. But when a sob left your lips his head stopped and his eyes snapped open to pay attention. You had tears leaking from your eyes. It was painful to feel him stop, you didn’t want him to stop.

“What’s wrong?” He asked worries and went to pull out but you grabbed ahold of him. “No! Keep going. It feels so good, please.” You cried and raised your voice to get him to fuck you again.

He liked it when you had a tear or two from pleasure but this was new, it was different. Something in him slapped and screamed at him to make you cry worse, he wanted to hear you sob over and over as he pounded into you. But there was one thing he needed to do before releasing a new monster from within him.

“Are you sure? I need to know your okay.” He asked so calmly that it made your heart strings tug. You nodded quietly and looked up at him with scrunched brows of need. “I’m fine, so please just keep fucking me.” You whined and wrapped your legs around him and arched your back to get a new angle.

And with that you unleash him from a cage. Smirking darkly and got a almost a evil look in his eyes. “I want you weeping all night.” He took his hands and flipped you over on your stomach and pushed your head down but lifted your ass up. A moan left your lips as he pushed himself back in and slammed into you, earning a sob from you.

“I’m going to have every hole wet and dripping, when we are through the pillow better be soaking wet.” His firm hand slapped across your ass cheek. “I enjoy seeing, and hearing you cry for my cock.”

[hauerhoetime]

Lockpick

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: you're injured on a job and Kaz finds you

Run. That’s the only word pulsing through your mind. Everything went wrong and now here you were running through the dirty and wet streets of The Barrel. Now how did you end up here? Well the answer is two simple words; Kaz Brekker. Well maybe not simple but still.

You have been working for Kaz for a handful of years and have watched him become somewhat of a myth amongst fellow Barrel rats. You however have not. You prefer to stick to the shadows and fight with the other shadowdwellers than bare your teeth in the light. That however is a conversation for another day. 

Through your many days and nights working for Kaz you have proven time and time again that you are more than trustworthy. That and only that is why you were given this job. Alone. You were to do the simple task of breaking and entering into one of the Merchant Councils houses and take his wife's jewelry box. That was it. All you had to do. Clearly however that’s not how it went.

Just as you grabbed the box off of the pristine and perfectly white counter of the dark bathroom you were suddenly bathed in light. “Well you aren’t no bastard of The Barrel but that don’t matter to me” you turned your head towards the voice and squinting through the nearly blinding light you can barely make out the face of a Stadwatch officer. Fuck.

Time seemed to stop for just a moment before all hell broke loose. You made a dive for the window you had just entered from and the officer made a dive for you. He missed. 

You wanted to take a deep breath in celebration but you knew the Stadwatch; where there was one there were many. You didn’t know why or how but they expected you- well Kaz- to come for the box that was now being roughly shoved in the bag you had slung over your shoulder. You took three great strides across the roof before you quickly slid down the drain pipe.

“HEY!” You heard being yelled from your right. You didn’t even take a second to look before running to your left. You already knew who was there and they weren’t people you really wanted to meet. You didn’t know the best route off the property anymore, there are too many unknown factors. Well the best option here seems to be blindly run to try and make it out of here with this stupid box.

“Whatever's in here better be worth it Brekker” You can't help but murmur to yourself as you run your mad dash to the bushline at the back of the yard. You’re running a huge risk going through the nearly open yard while men with guns are chasing you but you don’t see any other option. “Better be fuckin’ worth it.”

You make it to the bushline and push through the shrubbery as fast as you possibly can, definitely acquiring a few dozen scratches but you must ignore your stinging skin and push on.

Taking half a second to assess your surroundings you find yourself in some rich snob neighborhood and honestly your brain can’t move fast enough to tell you where you are so you make the only logical choice that you can think of; run west. You may not know the street but you know directions. If you had the time you'd thank the random old man you stole your first compass from as a kid but alas you didn't have a moment to spare.

You could hear the footsteps chasing you but you had the advantage of distance. Distance you couldn’t afford to lose. You made a break for The Barrel because then you’d be back in your wheelhouse- not the Stadwatche’s. They may patrol the main streets but they don’t know the back alleys and the little holes to hide.

Less than ten minutes later you finally made it to the bustling and grimy streets of The Barrel. You lost some of the ground you had but you'd take anything you could get at this point.

And that’s how you got here. Running through the hustle and bustle of the city of sinners. You nearly fall on your ass as you skid around a corner trying your best to throw off the Stadwatch. You have almost fallen a handful of times during your run but you’ve always had a talent for saving yourself just before you ate shit.

You couldn’t bring them to the Crow Club or the Slat. They could guess you were one of Kaz’s crew but you couldn’t give them the confirmation. You devised a plan to run through the northern end of The Barrel towards West Stav. The crowds of West Stav would provide some much needed cover and provide the veil needed to disappear.

Every step you took felt like you were losing more and more ground and you were running out of energy and once you turned a corner and were running into West Stav your worst nightmare came true. You turned onto a straight shot and the crowds you were counting on were thin at best. That's when you felt it. A quick horrible sting in your left shoulder. Shit. You’ve been shot.

You kept pushing and pushing, running as fast as you could without aggravating your shoulder. You took a chance that you hadn’t even dared to take yet. You looked behind you to see how many there were. Two. That’s two more than you'd like but you honestly expected worse.

Ducking into one last alleyway between two pleasure houses you climbed a pipe over a small separation wall and sank down to the other side hoping it was enough to hide. You’ve lost a lot of blood and your shoulder was consuming every thought after your hurried and frantic climb.

You tried to quiet your rapid breathing as you heard the officers enter the alley and kick around some piles of trash in search of you. Luckily they were apparently inexperienced enough not to know how to climb a pipe. Stupid assholes.

Now the real fear set in. Bleeding alone in a dark corner in West Stav. Who would find you? Would they even look? Well Kaz might look for the box but he wouldn’t care if you died in this dark dingy hell hole would he?

Your head begins to feel light and the world begins to spin. Oh god this was faster than you thought. Was this it? Is this where you die?

“Don’t you dare close your eyes” You hear a sharp voice quickly approaching you.

You lift your head and keep your eyes as wide as you can. That’s when you see him. The tall dark shadow of a man, Kaz Brekker. “You found me-?” your voice was weak and scratchy as if you hadn't spoken in the last three years.

“You have a love for the north end of The Barrel. You were late to the Slat and so I came to look and to my surprise I found a foot chase'' he crouched down on the ground next to me.

“I was trying to find a shadow to hide in” you crack a smile. Just a few moments ago you were convinced that you were going to die in this dark disgusting corner and your body was going to rot before you were found but now here you were being saved by your angel. Don’t ever tell him you just called him an angel.

“Lean forward for me” he basically ignored you and your joke but he placed his gloved hand on your side in an attempt to pull you forward.

“I got the box” you croak out as you attempt to lean forward but admittedly he was doing most of the work for you.

“I knew you would.” he spoke as he pulled a piece of cloth from his pocket and wrapped it tightly around your shoulder. The pain was almost blinding as he tied the strip in place but as every second passed the pain became more manageable. 

Can you stand up?” he was almost entirely focused on getting you out of this alley and back home as safe as he could. You slowly moved onto your knees and tried your best to rise but ended up stumbling to your knees once again. Kaz’s hand that wasn’t gently resting on your back shot out for your arm only pulling back when he remembered it was your injured arm. “Here let me help you” he mumbled as he scurried to your other side allowing- encouraging you to grab into his clothed forearm to aid you in pulling yourself from the ground.

Once he got you off the damp ground he pulled your uninjured arm around his shoulders and started walking you out of the alleyway onto a street that was crawling with a mix of tourists and Barrel fiends. Great, there's the crowd you were counting on.

The walk was silent for a few minutes but what you thought to be the elephant in the room was crushing you. “Kaz I’m sorry for fucking up the job”

“Don’t worry about it, that was my fault I left too many clues and sent you into the trap.” He didn’t look at you even once while taking the blame.

“I could have chosen a better route, I could have found some slippery way out Kaz I didn’t need to stick to a beaten path.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It’s my fault, okay? You did good with what you had. You even got the box” the longer he talked the more pain he let into his voice “Now will you please just stop saying it’s your fault?” He glanced at you once. One glance was enough for you to see underlying panic in his eyes.

You didn’t talk for the rest of the walk back to The Slat. The Slat was further than the Crow Club but you couldn’t really waltz into a gambling house with a bullet wound subtly. The silence was no longer anxiety inducing from the apologies that wanted to spew out of your mouth but instead you could feel the slightly frantic panic radiating from the quiet man beside you. Fear of your death.

Once you walked into The Slat there were a few heads that turned toward the pair. “Don’t ask” Kaz’s voice boomed across the room with so much authority that even you felt startled. Without another word he walked you up the stairs and as much as it pained his leg he ignored it as he pulled you toward the room at the top of the stairs.

Every step you took you felt more and more woozy and slowly you were relying on Kaz more and more to pull you up. To say you were grateful when he basically kicked the door to his room open would be an understatement.

“You can leave me in the bathroom Kaz I’ll take care of it” you croak out trying to take as much of your weight as you can.

“Are you crazy-?” Kaz stopped in his tracks as he looked at you; his face filled with a mix of confusion and anger. “I didn’t take you this far just to let you die in a Barrel bathroom, MY Barrel bathroom at that”

“What do you care if I die? You have other employees much more capable than me” You mumble as you go to take a step by yourself towards his bathroom.

He felt you pulling away and not even a second later you began to drop. He jolted forward to catch your weight once again. “You are an incredibly valuable asset to my team. Now if you would please allow me to make sure you survive the night” he spoke through gritted teeth.

All the fight that was in you previously left your body. All you could bring yourself to do was nod helplessly. Once he was satisfied with your compliance he took you to the bathroom and propped you up against the vanity. 

“Thank you Kaz. Thank you for everything” you say as he rolls up his sleeves and opens a small cupboard looking for something.

“Stop talking like you’re going to die” he emerges with a rag and a bottle. He opened the bottle and soaked the rag completely and then turned to you. You knew that it would hurt but once he pulled the makeshift wrap off your shoulder and pushed the wet rag to the wound you felt like you were about to bite through your tongue.

“Holy shit” you say through gritted teeth. Your knuckles are white as you grasp the counter trying your best not to crumble to the floor. White hot pain. Honestly if it was anyone but Kaz holding the rag you probably would have punched them. 

“I know I’m sorry” Kaz almost whispered. There was a slight panic in his eyes as they flickered from your face to your shoulder. “This is the best I can do. Nina will be here in a few hours and she can help you more. "His voice was gentle as he continued to apply pressure.

You were definitely still bleeding but it has calmed a little. You won't die and at this point that’s all Kaz cared about. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you died. He wouldn’t only be going after Peeka anymore he’d be gunning for the entire Stadwatch. Well that's what he was telling himself. Really he'd be gunning for himself. He sent you to steal the box. He was the one that slipped up and got you caught. He was the one that didn’t tell you a plan for if you got caught. If you died there would be no one to blame but him. That would have been the end for him and he knows it.

At this very moment Kaz Brekker swore he would do everything in his power moving forward to keep you safe. You meant too much to him. You were everything to him. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even himself but he loved you. He loved every fiber of your being and that made you much more important than anyone else on the crew. 

You were a better lockpick than him for you have picked the lock to his heart and you were never going to leave. He hated the weakness that he showed when you were around but he would do with it the same as he always did. Make is dangerous. Weave it into the myth that he has become. You would be part of his story for years to come and he would make sure of it.

[undiscovered-horizon]

The clockmaker, the crow and the mantis

[contains vulgar language]

SUMMARY: When an infamous assassin breaks into his office, Kaz Brekker is offered a part in a strange scheme. Despite their mutual dislike, the two might yet have a common goal.

(enemies to lovers I guess?)

WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.2k

A feeling of a cold breeze brushing against his clothes makes Kaz stop immediately - he hasn't opened the window in weeks. The barely noticeable gust of wind tugs gently at the paperwork in front of him. Flames dance ever so slightly on their wicks. The darkness pooling in the corners of the room, where the candlelight can’t quite reach, seems deeper, more imposing, as though it wasn't the lack of light creating it but something much more alive, much more sinister.

Something moves out of the corner of his eye, bordering realism and phantasm. He gets up quickly, hand gripping the decorative cane that had seen its fair share of blood. Calculated, careful steps lead him to the centre of the room as Kaz studies the shapeless shadows encircling him like an ominous vignette.

His heart picks up its pace. A muffled sound of chatter and laughter reaches his ears from behind the heavy door. Horse hooves clatter against cobblestone, a wooden carriage quietly creeks as it rolls through the streets somewhere outside the building. But not a sound, except his own laboured breathing, comes from inside his office. The air doesn’t smell differently and even his eyes can’t quite discern between malicious darkness and the shadows he’s so used to being surrounded by.

By all accounts, Kaz is alone in his office that couldn’t have been tainted by an intruder. Despite his senses not earning him any useful information, he knows his privacy has been breached. It’s unclear what to call this sensation but it appears only in certain kinds of people - those who have been tried by particular ways of life. Their consciousness as if expands, almost miraculously sensing long knives in the dead of night.

Kaz swings his cane at a rather formless shadow by his side. Just as he expected, the staff comes into contact with something. Right there, where light meets darkness and safety of visibility becomes an impenetrable abyss, tips of gloved fingers appear, holding his cane mid-air. The grip is strong, textbook as if. Foreseen.

"Maybe listen to me first, you knucklehead,” resounds from the darkness.

He has to take a step back as the stranger emerges from the veil of the night, both of them still tightly gripping either side of the cane. The deep hood covers their eyes, making the lower half of their face easily visible. Kaz immediately notices a characteristic, pinkish scar ending about an inch below their right eye. The first button of their long, dark double-breasted coat is left open, revealing a grey shirt with moth-shaped collar pins. There’s so many pouches and pockets attached to their clothes - he couldn’t count them if he tried. Even more, Kaz can’t even begin to guess what they hide. A golden chain of their pocket watch glistens in the dim candlelight as they move forward, pushing Kaz farther back.

There’s only one wraith haunting Ketterdam that fits this description:

"Mantis,” he spits out.

"You know Krolmeister, the old clockmaker?" she asks calmly. Despite their less-than-friendly meeting, the assassin appears hardly bothered. One can only assume she has, in fact, been greeted in much worse ways and if one was to believe the wild legends people tell about her, even after applying a generous grain of salt, she can compete for the Dirtyhands title with him.

"I don't see how he has anything to do with you breaking into my office."

"He's the direct, well, indirect, reason why I'm here but we'll get to this in a moment. Mister Krolmeister has offered me a contract. A contract for you, to be precise.” She pauses for a moment, no doubt studying his demeanour, the reaction for such news. Her own face, however, remains just as unmoved making it impossible to say what she makes of his behaviour. Kaz clenches his jaw, already preparing for a fight with someone he can never measure up to. Part of him isn’t surprised in the slightest - after all, in what other way could the Bastard of the Barrell possibly pass away? Mantis leans offhandedly close to his face and continues in a voice barely above a whisper: “Now, you and I both have heads with more use than just wearing hats, so you're probably wondering what you had done to poor Bernard Krolmeister for him to have you killed. The short answer is nothing but the long answer is a lot more interesting. Care to listen?"

The woman lets go of the cane, giving Kaz a chance to strike her but he only lowers the staff to lean on it once again. He may be proud but he’s not stupid - if she had indeed come to kill him, he would have already been long dead, before his mind could even compute the final blow.

"Do not waste my time. Speak."

If he was trying to appear menacing, he has failed. Mantis casually strolls past him, towards a chair by the desk. She sits down, crosses her legs and only then gives Kaz an explanation: "My expertise on the matter tells me that Krolmesiter is nothing but a proxy, a dummy middle-man to blame if something goes south. Blackmail, probably, but that doesn't matter for now. That scenario suggests that there's someone above him, a puppet master if you will. And that puppet master, whoever they are, has good business in having you gone. Considering those two elements, the proxy and the determination, I'm certain you could accurately guess who's truly behind that contract.”

Kaz can’t help the scowl on his face. Her perplexing audacity, a clear and yet indirect disregard for him, makes the man grip the model crow atop his cane ever tighter. His teeth clatter against one another while Kaz contemplates the nature of a violent act that is bound to take her down a peg. Even after his list reaches double digits in just a few seconds, he knows better than to try anything - not yet, at least.

"You’re just a murder, Mantis, no matter how expensive.” 

His words don’t bother the woman as she continues to play with a paperweight on the desk. Her fingers make him wonder for a moment - even when gloved, they’re clearly thin and long, without a sign of heavy labour on them. They move swiftly and elegantly across the figurine, feeling its dips and rises as though she’s trying to remember them. Those are hands of a pianist or a prestidigitator, someone who’s precision borders on a miracle. 

She’s not even looking at him. Kaz feels his patience running thin. One can still work as an assassin without a finger or two, no? Without a whole hand, perhaps? 

“Why should I believe even a single word of this fairytale built on hypotheticals?" he grits through his teeth.

The gentle movement of her fingers stops abruptly. Finally, Mantis looks away from the brass paperweight. Kaz still can’t see her eyes but he can feel them - there’s something primal about her gaze like a predator studying its prey for any sign of hesitation. Heavy paperweight or not, if he turns his back to her, it might just be the last thing he does. 

“True, I am but a humble murderer.” Mantis mockingly puts a hand on her chest and bows her head. “But I’m really fucking good at it, too. I’m not asking for belief. Just trust my reputation.”

Kaz doesn’t answer for a longer while. His eyes bore into the hooded figure sitting in front of him. Disillusioned, he knows she’s doing exactly the same thing. The observation makes him even angrier but for an entirely different reason - perhaps, they are, after all, similar in some way. The restless urge sitting under his skin gets only more urgent. Kaz needs to hit something. Now.

“Why are you telling me all of this? Want me to pay you for telling me someone wants me dead?”

The man scoffs. It’s no news to him - everyday someone tries to get under his skin. Some figuratively, others literally.

"I need you to play dead for the next two days,” she states candidly. “You're silent, so I'm guessing you're interested. If I'm correct, and there's hardly any possibility I'm not, after I tell Bernard that the mighty Kaz Brekker had been dealt with, he's sure to inform a direct messenger between him and the possible blackmailer. I follow him, learn a thing or two and get back to you. And you'll get half of the reward. How's that?"

In slow limps, Kaz narrows the space between them. Mantis is still sitting, making the man tower over her but he knows it’s not much of an advantage. He leans further on his cane moving his face obscenely close to hers. An aroma of rainwater and grease fills his nostrils as he takes in a ragged breath:

"What do you get out of this deal?"

"Aside from like a hundred thousand Kruge? Peace,” she says with a shrug. Mantis looks away for a moment. She puckers her lips, sighs and turns back to him. “I don't like you, Kaz Brekker.” The way her words pierce the tension between them leaves no doubts about their honesty. “Damn, I'd probably open champagne if your head rolled into the gutter.” A light shake of head before she continues. “But you are, I'm afraid, a necessary evil. Say, if you do die, who will take your place on this throne of filth called the Barrel? You're a shitstain but you're tolerable."

To his own surprise, Kaz is speechless. Out of all the things she could ask in return for the information, Mantis only wants the Barrel to not get more problematic than it already is. As strangely kindhearted as it may sound, he continues to have a hard time tolerating her condescending attitude. Kaz Brekker is the king of this steaming pile of shit and to her, he appears to be nothing beyond an over glorified guard dog. Not even an imposing one, it seems.

"Those are some big words for someone who kills to make a living, don't you think?” He tilts his head in a futile attempt to see more of her face. “I suppose it takes a shitstain to know a shitstain."

"As much as both of us hate to admit it, a day has come when we need each other. Anyway, I won't take any more of your time. Places to go, people to kill, you know how it goes.”

Mantis throws her legs over the armrest of the chair and in swift strides makes her way towards the window. Considering her line of business, doors of any kind were prohibited. In a clearly experienced motion, she places a flat metal bar between the window frame and the windowsill, opening her exit in a smooth act. Before she climbs through his window only to disappear like a dream at the break of dawn, Kaz stops her one last time:

"You should be wary. Birds tend to eat praying mantis."

He watches as her lips curve into a cocky smile. "Only if he can catch her."

And with those words, she dives through the window, dissolving into the black night as though it was his fantasy that brought her to life. Kaz stands alone in his office. Nothing about the room has changed, even the brass paperweight is placed exactly as it was before Mantis put her hand on it. In some way, the assassin was never there. Despite her elusive nature, the smell of grease and rain will linger in his nose for a few more days, haunting him like the wraith of Ketterdam she is.

Jesper knows something is wrong the moment he notices Kaz’s bitter expression. Although his boss appears to wear a grimace most of the time, the wrinkle between his eyebrows seems slightly deeper than it did just a few hours ago. He’s clenching his jaw, looking at the people in his club with a patronizing scowl.

"You alright, boss?" he asks when Kaz reaches the bar counter.

But Brekker isn’t fast to answer. He downs the drink Jesper got for himself. Gripping the edge of the counter like his life depends on it, he begins to explain:

"I'm dead, Jesper."

Kaz isn’t funny. Truth be told, he doesn’t seem to have even a speck of a sense of humour. Despite that, Jesper dismisses the notion that his boss could be serious. It sounds ridiculous.

"You look pretty alive to me,” he says in a slow, reluctant tone. Maybe he missed something obvious?

An accusatory index finger makes Jesper unknowingly lean back slightly. "Tell everyone I'm dead, stabbed in my own office. And do it now."

"Hold on, what?” He shakes his head. “Why would you be dead?"

"Just do it, Jesper.” Kaz lets out a defeated sigh. The smart choice just so happens to be the one he hates.  “You'll know in due time. All we can do now is wait."

Jesper watches Kaz’s back as he walks back up the stairs into his office. A familiar anxiety blooms in his chest - something big is about to happen and he might just have the front-row seat.

[luna-writes-stuff]

Unforgiven II, Kaz Brekker

Song link

Fanfic, female! reader

Angst, but a with a tiny sprinkle of fluff

Word count:

Tw: typical soc stuff, explosions, blood/injuries, description of drowning/recovering from drowning., description of dizziness/losing consciousness, Kaz is fighting demons to save your life, Nina doing heartrender things, Kaz nearly crying, use of Y/N (I deserve hell)

Summary: You have been friends with Kaz for as long as either of you can remember. Even before all the “Ketterdam is my mother” talk and trauma. So when you get caught up in an explosion during a heist, Kaz loses his shit. He becomes an anxious wreck, doing his best to get you out of danger. And in order to do so, he has to make certain sacrifices for himself.

No - this is not a pt. 2 to anything. The song is called Unforgiven II. This fic is based off of a song.

Buy me a coffee/force me to write more

“Lay beside me and tell me what they've done.

And speak the words I wanna hear to make my demons run.”

“Kaz, come on!” You ushered, running towards docks, Kaz short on your heels, though his pace slowed with every step he took. You knew his leg was bothering him, but at the moment, you needed to get out of this place.

It had been your casual “let’s steal something and get money for it” heist. Everything had gone exactly according to plan. Wylan’s bomb went off at time, Inej got the necklace without being noticed, Jesper was a great distraction, Matthias had been on look-out as Nina had joined Jesper in being decoy. You and Kaz had been making sure the rendezvous point remained safe. You had been in Dime Lion territory, so the risk of being caught was great. Yet, there had been no issues. That was until Jesper, not so subtly, managed to sneak a look towards you and Kaz, alerting others of your location.

So now you and Kaz were on the run. Trying to get away without getting injured or being discovered of stealing things. It had been five minutes now and you knew Kaz’ leg would no longer hold up.

“The door is locked now but it's open if you're true.

If you can understand the me then I can understand the you.”

You spared another look behind you, noticing you were no longer being followed closely. You halted your steps, simultaneously causing Kaz to stop too.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, obviously supporting all his weight on his cane.

“Where did they go?” You wondered aloud, referring to the gang members that had been so set on catching you earlier.

Now Kaz looked behind him too, noticing the empty streets.

“Something isn’t right.” He noted, making you nod in agreement.

“Lay beside me, under wicked sky.

Through black of day, dark of night, we share this, paralyzed.”

“We should keep moving, just to be safe.” You decided, now setting a normal walking pace, trying to give Kaz the opportunity to recover. As you walked past the crates and empty ships, something weird suddenly occurred to you.

“You hear that?” You whispered, holding a hand out towards Kaz to stop him.

“Hear what?” He questioned, now keeping his ears open.

“Sizzling.” You observed. “Like firework being lit.”

At those words, Kaz’ eyes widened. He looked around to find the source of the sound, but he could not bring himself to locate it.

“The door cracks open but there's no sun shining through.

Black heart scarring darker still but there's no sun shining through.

No there's no sun shining through, no there's no sun shining.”

“Bomb.” He managed out, before grabbing the loose fabric of your sleeve, tugging you with him as he ran.

You followed suit quickly, the danger of not knowing where the bomb was, making your adrenaline race. You released your sleeve from Kaz’ hold, running behind him to make sure you could drag him with you in case he’d slow down again.

In the distance, you could see the rest of the crows waiting, but they had yet to notice you and Kaz. No Dime Lions were spotted near them yet, which had been a relative good sign.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Turn the pages, turn the stone.

Behind the door, should I open it for you?”

“Kaz, turn around!” You warned. The sound of the walking fire seemed nearer than before, alerting you of the fact you were running in the wrong direction.

“We’re only nearing it!” You explained without hesitation.

Kaz spared you a quick nod, before running along the coastline, no longer running away from the shores. You followed his every step. Your breath had started to appear colder than before, your shirt uncomfortably clinging to your back, but you knew you’d catch your breath later. Stopping now might only increase the chances of becoming injured.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Sick and tired I stand alone.

Could you be there?

'Cause I'm the one who waits for you.

Or are you unforgiven too?”

Your attempt for cover came too late; before either of you could properly process it, a big explosion ignited only a few feet from you. You could have counted yourself lucky for not being too close to it, not having received any burning flesh. The force of the explosion - however - was something you couldn’t escape.

Before you could even realise what was happening, you were flying through the air, rocketing towards the shore lines in an inhumane speed. You could only briefly register Kaz’ body on the floor before the ice cold temperature ran over you.

Your body impacted on top the water, the weight with the added speed rapidly pulling you under. You weren’t on time for any of it. When you had already fallen, it still felt like you were flying, and when you were flying, you hadn’t even properly heard the explosion. It all happened with the blink of an eye.

“Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear.

She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again.”

When you finally realised you had been submerged in the freezing canal waters, you had to force your body to work again. Your limbs felt heavy, whilst your head felt lighter than it even been. An unknown weight settled on your waist as you were pushed further down.

Looking down at it, you were faced with a huge piece of wood, tearing a hole in your coat as it forced you down. In blind panic, you reached down, trying to get the wood from the coat. But the longer you fought it, the deeper you sank, and the more pressure build in your ears.

You weren’t going to go down like this - sinking because of a heist gone wrong. No, you were meant to go out in a tub of money, rolling in the debts of your enemies.

The looming threat of imminent death and hopeless made your efforts worsen, your brain cloudy, unable to think straight as you kept tugging on the coat.

“She lay beside me but she'll be there when I'm gone.

Black hearts scarring darker still, yes, she'll be there when I'm gone.

Yes, she’ll be there when I'm gone. Dead sure she'll be there?”

On the coast line, Kaz had recovered from the blow, seemingly fine, save for a handful of bruises and a loud ringing in his ears. The crows had neared him, Jesper and Inej immediately working to keep the Dime Lions at a distance. Nina looked over the edge, still seeing the waves of where you had fallen earlier.

“Shit,” she cursed, before clumsily fumbling with the ends of her dress. Wylan and Matthias looked at her in a mixture of confusion and embarrassment. She didn’t seem to notice.

For Kaz, it felt like time had frozen. You had been with him ever since you were children. You’ve known him before Ketterdam - before Dirthands. And now you were sinking to the bottom of the canal, left to your fate in a lonesome embrace.

He had lost everything he had, and always associated it with the freezing temperatures of the lakes. He remember the chilling air, the cold water and the hard bodies of the people who had died due to illness. He remembered how he fought back until he had returned to Ketterdam. To look for you.

And now he’d lose you to those same damned waters.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Turn the pages, turn the stone.

Behind the door, should I open it for you?”

Nina took too long. Wylan and Matthias might not have noticed, but he did. A thousand thoughts and fears were swirling his mind, but there was one that stood out the most.

He was losing you.

The thought seemed so hopeless and bitter, but it was the truth. He could stand there and think about everything that had happened to him, or he could act on it. He could wait for Nina to finally get that cursed dress off, or he could jump in himself and hope his body wouldn’t fail him.

You still hadn’t resurfaced.

Swinging his coat from his shoulders quickly, he dropped the cane to the floor, before diving into the waters, not even giving him a second to think everything through.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Sick and tired, I stand alone.

Could you be there?

'Cause I'm the one who waits for you.

Or are you unforgiven too?”

The water was more horrible than he had remembered. The cold was gnawing at his skin, the familiarity of it cutting him where it hurt most.

This is where you lost him, Kaz. You lost yourself.

In front of him, a body passed him, the face almost an exact replica of his older brother, save for the swollen structures of his face. The sight frightened him. Almost automatically, he reached out, but the figure faded in front of him.

This wasn’t real. He wasn’t there.

He needed to get out. He couldn’t get any air to begin with, but the capacity his lungs had held had started to fail him. There were too many reminders of what went wrong. This was a terrible idea.

“Lay beside me, tell me what I've done.

The door is closed so are your eyes.

But now I see the sun, now I see the sun.

Yes, now I see it.”

He had to go back up. He wouldn’t make it if he didn’t. But then, as if fate had somehow still been smiling upon his that day, a hand came into his vision. He couldn’t see it really well - everything was blurry. But this hand wasn’t swollen. And it seemed real.

Spending his last few seconds, he tugged on the arm, surprised by the sudden weight of it. When he looked down, he found the culprit hanging from your coat, your other hand still entangled at the hole.

Without a second of hesitation, he shrugged the coat off of you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he swam back up.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Turn the pages, turn the stone.

Behind the door, should I open it for you?”

It was disgusting; the cold temperature, your limp body, the inability to breathe. It was too much. He couldn’t help but fight for his hold on you as he forced you up. His leg had been screaming at him to stop to begin with, but with your body in his arms, a whole new level of revolting coursed through him.

This was so wrong. He should never have had to hold anyone’s body to drag out of the sea again. This was cruel, even considering all that he had been through. There was some sick irony here that he hated. He knew Pekka would be laughing at it.

You didn’t make any effort to help him. He had no way of telling whether he had been dragging a dead body back up or not. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just needed to get back up.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

So sick and tired, I stand alone.

Could you be there?

'Cause I'm the one who waits,

The one who waits for you.”

When he finally resurfaced, a huge gasp of air came from him, taking in all oxygen he could.

“Kaz!” Nina called, leaning over the docks with Matthias, reaching out for him and you. They could see the sheer panic and terror on his face. The boy swam towards the pair, handing you over to Matthias, who easily pulled you out. Nina immediately began to work on getting the water out of you, leaving her boyfriend to help Kaz get out, much to his reluctance.

He could still feel the cold touch, the unmistakable feeling of a hardened figure. He recognised it. And the second his feet met solid ground again, he fell down, breathing heavily, dragging his knees across the dock to reach you.

He could hear Nina mutter assuring words under her breath - both to you and to herself. The way you simply laid there, not noticing the mayhem happening because of you. Something about it made everything worse for him.

He was not going to lose you. Not like this.

“What I've felt, what I've known.

Turn the pages, turn the stone.

Behind the door, should I open it for you? (So I dub thee unforgiven)”

A loud cough cut through the tense air as your chest suddenly began to move. Nina was quick to place you on your side, leaving you to cough out the remainder of water, inhaling the air greedily, tears making their way over your face. An obnoxious sigh of relief came from the heartrender as Kaz quietly copied her move.

He stood up at the sight of you getting rid of all the water in your lungs, the sight amplifying everything he had just experienced. Shakily, he accepted the cane from Wylan, using it to support his weight as he watched Nina kneel over you, trying to calm you down.

He needed to be the one to do that, to make you comfortable, even if he wasn’t. But he couldn’t. He was having a hard time keeping everything together in the moment. If it hadn’t been for his cane, he would’ve fallen straight back to the floor.

“What I've felt.

What I've known.

I'll take this key and I'll bury it in you.

Because you're unforgiven too.”

You watched him from your seat as you regained your breath, no more water coming from your mouth. The feeling in your stomach was still heavy, but you had no more need to cough everything back up.

You knew who had dragged you from the canal. You blacked out a moment after that gloved hand touched yours, but you knew who it was. You saw the way he was staring back at you, furiously blinking back tears, hoping no one had noticed. You saw the way his hands were clutching that cane as if his life depended on it. He didn’t want to be there.

But he had jumped into the canal after you had fallen in. He had dragged you from the bottom back up. He had gotten you onto the dock whilst he had sworn he would never get into touch with water if he could help it. And he might not have been able to place a comforting hand on your shoulder as Nina did, but you knew what he had done.

You just nodded at him, still in shock. Of the fall, or due to the fact Kaz dived in after you - you couldn’t tell. But when the boy nodded back, you knew it was enough.

You knew he’d do it over again if he had to.

“Never free, never me.

'Cause you're unforgiven too.”