#Kevin deserves good things and people in his life

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[theemporium]

[5k] luke hughes swore he would never tell another soul and take his confession to the grave. that ends as an epic fail as he tells a really pretty girl his most embarrassing secret. luckily for him, she seems pretty eager to help him out.

series masterlist

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It shouldn’t be embarrassing, but it was. It really fucking was.

It wasn’t always a big deal. When he was in high school, everybody was just like him. Or at least, most people were. HIs friend group were. And they would always talk about how fun college would be, how everything would change, how everyone grew up and just did it. 

And then he went to college and nothing really changed. It was a bit embarrassing, it made his cheeks burn bright red whenever he spoke about it. But it also wasn’t the most unbelievable thing. Between keeping his GPA up, his training regime and the countless games during the season, it wasn’t shocking to anyone that he didn’t have as much free time as movies liked to make it seem like. 

But then he moved up. He went from being a kid with a dream to actually living that dream and beyond. A joke from his childhood became a reality when he found himself on the ice with his older brother, wearing the same jersey as his older brother. Suddenly, it was all real and intense and he was in it properly. 

But, fuck, it was embarrassing that he was in the National Hockey League and he was a fucking virgin.

In theory, he knew it wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t change the way he played or his performance on the ice. It didn’t affect his professional life in any way, shape or form. But it still made him want to curl up in a corner and shrivel his existence away whenever he thought about it too long.

And it wasn’t like it was obvious. He wasn’t announcing it to the world and rambling on about it in interviews. But the amount of jokes people made about women throwing themselves at his feet or having a turnstile of people in his bed felt like he might as well be. 

The awkward laughs and strained smiles would only take him so far before someone caught on. 

And that might have been the worst part—the fact that nobody knew. Not his friends in high school nor the ones he made in college. None of his teammates. Not even his brothers (though, the idea of him even telling them whether or not he was a virgin was an experience he would like to avoid all together). 

Nobody in the fucking world knew Luke Hughes was a virgin except him and, in a weird way, it was kind of fucking lonely.

Or at least, nobody else knew until he met you.

…

The night he met you had been a few days after the Devils had been kicked out of the playoffs. 

Despite the loss, Nico wanted one last team celebration to sign off a good season. Because yes, it fucking sucked that they were knocked out and it sucked they wouldn’t be the ones to lift the Stanley Cup this year. But they still played well, they deserved to appreciate that, to appreciate each other. 

And, on a more personal level, it was a chance to celebrate with the NHL team he could now call his home.

He was in the big leagues now. He was in the NHL and he was a professional hockey player and, by the power of some fucking superior being he did not know, he was lucky enough to share a team with at least one of his brothers. 

It still felt like a dream.

And with that dream came the joys and perks of being a New Jersey Devil—like not being ID’d in the bar the team commonly visited. 

“Takin’ it all in?” 

He tore his eyes away from the surrounding bar to look at his brother, perched on the edge of the pool table Nathan and Kevin were currently competing on. He had been happy to just watch, observe—for lack of better terms—take it all in, like Jack assumed. 

Instead, he just retorted with, “it’s a bar. Not much to take in that I haven’t seen before.”

“Okay, college boy,” Jack snorted, his cheeks flushed the same shade of red as the vodka cranberries he had been drinking all night. “I meant the big leagues.”

Luke resisted the urge to snort. “Ask me again in a year when it’s actually sunk in.”

Something in Jack’s face softened. “I’m glad you’re here, Moose.”

His throat felt a little tight but he still smiled. “Me too.��

He had assumed that was the end of the conversation, but that was Luke’s first mistake. He hadn’t paid much attention to the way Jack’s eyes roamed around the bar, narrowed like he was looking for something or, in this case, someone.

“What do ya think about her?”

Luke blinked, looking at his brother with a confused glance before he followed his line of vision to some blonde settled against the wall on the other side of the bar. 

“What about her?”

Jack shot him a look. “Do you think she’s pretty?”

Luke hesitated, almost as though it was a trick question. “Yes?”

Jack’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t sound convinced,” he commented. “So, blonde isn’t your type. What is then? Brunettes? Redheads? Miscellaneous?”

“No, I—” Luke frowned. “I’m surprised you even know what miscellaneous means.”

Jack punched his arm in response. 

“Why are you asking about my type?” Luke questioned, something that felt a lot like uncertainty bubbling in his stomach.

Jack let out a deep sigh, prolonging it to properly encapture his annoyance. “I’m trying to help you get laid, bud.”

Luke froze. 

There was no way Jack could know. He knew that. He did. Logically, it was impossible for his brother to know he was a virgin when Luke had genuinely never admitted as much beyond the age of seventeen. But here he is, seemingly trying to find him someone to sleep with. There was no way he could know, there was no way Jack knew—

“I mean, you’re in the fucking league now, bud. Milk it a little, have some fun!” Jack continued, lost in his own rambles to even notice the way Luke’s shoulders sagged with relief. “I’m sure college was fun and all, but this is better!” 

Luke tried to let out a laugh. “I think I’m alright for tonight.” 

Jack huffed out in annoyance. “Don’t be a bore! Luke, you’re in the NHL. You just fucking played in the playoffs! Enjoy yourself, man.” 

“I am enjoying myself,” Luke countered. 

“You’ve been drinking the same beer since we got here,” Jack snapped back with a knowing look. “And I know it tastes like shit because I did the exact same thing when I first ordered a drink here. I’m trying to be your guru, help you avoid the mistakes I made.”

“My guru,” Luke repeated with a snort. “More like an unwanted Cupid.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “C’mon—”

“Focus on yourself.”

“It’s my duty as a brother—”

“I am not staying to listen to this,” Luke grumbled, batting away his brother’s hands as he began to make his way to the bar. As much as he hated to admit it, Jack was right—this beer tasted horrible and not even the tiny sips he had been taking were going to save it. 

He settled himself on a free spot at the bar, his elbows placed on the slightly sticky countertop as he peered over to try find a bartender. He saw a few on the other side of the bar finishing off a few drinks and accepted the small wait, a little lost in his own thoughts and whether he wanted to try another drink instead of just settling for something non-alcoholic when a hand settled on his back. 

“There you are, babe!”

Luke frowned, turning around to find you staring right back at him with a grin on your face. Honestly, he was expecting to turn around and let the person realise they had made a mistake. But your smile remained on your face, though the wide eyes staring back at him were a little distressing. 

“Uh, I think you—” But he was cut off by another voice, a much deeper one this time.

“This is your boyfriend?” 

The man was average height and fairly built, but that was all he had going for him. His shirt was definitely a size too small to make him look bigger and the chunky chain looked nothing short of tacky. And Luke may have been in his presence for less than thirty seconds, but the body spray was overwhelming and pungent and made him want to plug his nose. 

Now, Luke may be a little slow but he isn’t dumb.

He may be deeply confused by the sudden promotion to boyfriend from a stranger but it didn’t take long for Luke to realise the wide, distressing eyes were a cry for help and the walking embodiment of Axe body spray in a tight shirt was the reason. 

“Uh, yeah!” Luke cleared his throat a little, his arm moving to wrap around your shoulders in the least awkward way he could possibly achieve. “She’s my girl! Uh, girlfriend! She’s my—” His cheeks burned but he couldn’t stop his mouth from moving. “She’s my babe!” 

The man glanced between you and Luke for a few moments before rolling his eyes, muttering something under his breath about wasting his time before he disappeared into the throng of people crowded by the bar. 

“What a dick,” you murmured and it almost made Luke jump when he remembered you were still beside him, that his arm was still around your shoulders. You turned around to look at him once you knew the other guy was gone, and your smile seemed softer now. “Thank you for that, really. You’re a lifesaver.”

“It’s no biggie,” Luke replied, cringing a little before he quickly continued. “Thanks for giving me the honour of being your fake boyfriend.”

You snorted. “Yeah, well, you have a friendly face. You looked like you would go along with it.”

His cheeks burned warmer. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” you grinned before turning to settle in the spot next to him, fingers tapping on the bar counter. “Let me buy you a drink to thank you for your services?” 

Luke began shaking his head. “That really isn’t necessary—”

“Please,” you insisted, a softer expression on your face. “It would make me feel better for dragging you into my scheme.”

“I—” He cleared his throat, hoping to some superior being that his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “O-Okay.”

Your grin widened. “Brilliant. What do you want?” 

“A Coke.”

“Really?”

“Yes?”

“Okay, no judgement, just surprised,” you said, leaning over the bar to place your drink order along with his before you turned back to the boy. “So, do I at least get to know my fake boyfriend’s name?”

HIs lips twitched upwards. “Luke.”

“Luke,” you repeated before telling him your name, something gleaming in your eyes when you did. “So, Luke, what brings you to a bar on a Monday night to drink Coke?” 

“I’m here with some work friends,” he lied easily, not really one to play the professional hockey player card (despite Trevor’s insistence that it was expected to be used for this reason exactly). “Just enjoying the night before we all head off for the summer.”

“Hm, here with your work buddies but staying sober and standing alone at a bar,” you mused. “You’re quite intriguing, Luke.”

“I think that’s a compliment,” he murmured with a frown. 

“It is,” you assured him with a smile.

Luke opened his mouth to say something before the familiar voice of his brother reached him. 

“LUKEY BOY IS GETTING SOME!”

He shut his eyes, muttering a list of curses under his breath before he finally looked at you with a sheepish expression. “I’m so sorry about him. Just ignore him, he’s a little drunk and—”

“Hey, it’s fine,” you assured him with a laugh. “Work buddy?”

“Mhm,” Luke confirmed with a nod. “And my older brother.”

“That sounds like an intense work environment,” you commented.

“Tell me about it,” he grumbled, but there was still a smile on his face. “I wouldn’t blame you for making a run for it now while you have the chance. Jack will only get worse.”

You waved him off, smiling. “Your brother isn’t scaring me off,” you assured him. “Plus, I said I was intrigued and I’m enjoying talking to you. Makes it seem a lot more believable that you’re my boyfriend if that other dude is lingering around.” 

“Yeah, totally,” Luke agreed, something warm bursting in his stomach at the fact you wanted to keep talking to him. 

And despite what Jack and the others assume, nothing more happened between the two of you than just talking. It was bittersweet, in a way. Because Luke really enjoyed talking to you that night, even if he knew he would probably never see you again. 

But it was nice and it replayed in his head a lot more than he cared to admit that summer.

…

He assumed it was guaranteed that he would never see you again. 

So, it was pretty shocking when he did, in fact, see you again at a house party held by one of the boys of all fucking places in the pre-season.

As the new season approached and the overwhelming realisation that he was about to enter his rookie season of the NHL hit him, Luke didn’t even hesitate to accept the invitation for the ‘small get together’ with the boys. These were his teammates, these were the people he was going to have to trust and navigate on the ice with. It seemed like a nice idea to have a few chilled hangouts whilst training dragged everyone back to New Jersey.

What Jack and everyone else had failed to mention was the fact a ‘small get together’ did not just mean the team like he assumed. It meant a house full of people that Luke certainly didn’t know or recognise, but seemed to know exactly who he was. 

He was only slightly ashamed to admit that he clung onto Jack’s side as long as he could. But his brother was a social butterfly who liked to jump between different crowds and it was too much for Luke. Instead, he had settled near a couch where John and Kevin had been rambling away to each other when Jack suddenly appeared—out of thin air—with a huge grin on his face. 

“Hey, Rusty, is that not your girl from the bar?”

Luke’s brows furrowed together in confusion. “Huh?”

But Jack didn’t say much, just nudging his little brother to look over his shoulder. His lips parted again, prepared to tell Jack that he was drunker than he expected him to be after a few beers, only to find the words stuck in the back of his throat when he turned around and saw you.

He had thought about you more than he cared to admit over the summer. Just random little flashes of the conversations you shared. It was stupid, and a little pathetic, but you just felt…different—in the least cliche way possible.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly his cheeks just heated at the sight of you. 

No, correction: it was really fucking embarrassing. 

“Aw, did Lukey invite his lil’ crush?” Jack teased, reaching out to mockingly pinch his cheeks but Luke batted his hand away just in time.

“Shut up,” he grumbled before clearing his throat, turning to faze his brother again. “I didn’t. I–I don’t even know why she is here.”

Jack shot him a look. “Go on, then.”

Luke frowned. “What?”

“You are actually clueless,” Jack grumbled under his breath before giving him a hearty shove. “Go talk to her!”

His eyes widened. “What?!”

“Go talk to her,” Jack repeated, not understanding the panic in his younger brother. “You guys were hitting it off at the bar, what’s the big deal? Maybe you can hook up with her again.”

“I—” He started before realising this was not the time to delve into the same argument they had had since the night at the bar. “It’s fine, she probably doesn’t even remember me.”

His brother scoffed. “You’re shitting me, right?”

Luke blinked. “No?” 

“Dude, she was all over you!” Jack insisted, giving him another shove that had him stumbling slightly. “Go!”

Luke could feel his cheeks heating up. “Jack—”

“It’s my big brother duty to help you!”

Shove.

“Jack, fuck off. It’s not gonna happen.”

Shove.

“Yes, it will. Stop being a coward.”

Shove.

“Can you stop? I am not—”

Shove.

“Go talk to her!”

Shove.

“No—”

Except, the little shoves and lack of balance with the drinks he had been nursing through the night seemed to catch up on Luke. He stumbled back, his footing gone and his free hand reaching out to grasp Jack or something to stop him from falling. But it was too late. He was stumbling and his drink was sloshing and it went all over—

You. 

It went all over you because now you were right there, right in front of him, having just walked across the room to come and see him.

“Oh shit,” Jack muttered from behind him.

You looked down at your shirt—your very white shirt that now had some atrocious red stain splattered across the front from the cocktail John had made him—and stared in shock. 

Luke felt his whole body curl in on itself, his face burning and his chest feeling oddly tight. “I am so sorry—”

But, to his fucking shock (because you seemed to shock him a lot, if he was honest), you looked up at him and laughed. 

“Unlucky timing, huh?” You joked but Luke didn’t feel like laughing. 

“I can—” But he paused, not even sure what he was going to say. 

“Liking the colour red a little too much there, Cherry!” A voice from somewhere in the crowd—Luke genuinely wasn’t sure where—called out and your face brightened. 

“It’s a good thing I can pull it off!” You retorted, unfazed by the name. 

Cherry. 

Usually, Luke would chalk it up to his memory being fairly shit and the months that had passed since that night in the bar making him confuse your name for something else. Except, the boy had practically relived that night in his head on a constant loop. Every word. Every sentence. Every second of it. 

Pathetic? Yes.

Helpful? Probably not in any way, shape or fucking form except for the fact he was certain your name was not Cherry. He was more than certain. At least, he was certain that wasn’t the name you had told him. 

There were so many logical and simple reasons, he knew that deep down. But right now, Luke was embarrassed and flustered and he had this horrible inkling that you told him a fake name in case you thought he was a creep at the bar like the guy he saved you from and—

Yeah, Luke really didn’t like the idea of that. He didn’t like the idea of being paired in a category with that man. And he certainly didn’t like the idea that he made you uncomfortable enough to give him a fake name, even if he had given you no real reason to do otherwise. 

Someone pushed through the crowd as Luke continued to spiral in his own thoughts, unable to even get a coherent sentence out when Nico glanced between you and him. He let out a sigh, shaking his head as he offered you an apology before he turned to Luke.

“You can show her where the bathroom is, right?” 

And, fuck, he really thought this was the closest he could reach to ever feeling something close to hatred towards his captain.

Luke nodded his head, unable to get a word out and nodded towards the stairs. 

You seemed to catch his hint well enough as you turned to head towards the stairs. Until your hand was reaching back, taking his in your grasp and intertwining your fingers together and Luke’s brain short circuited all over again.

“Get it, Moose!”

Jack was pretty high on that almost-hate list too.

Luke felt like his body was on autopilot as he moved towards the stairs, letting you lead him up with your hands still connected until you reached the top. You looked at him expectantly and he led you towards the bathroom—one of the larger ones because he thought he would die if he was trapped in a small, enclosed space with you after he just spilled his drink all over you.

He opened the door, flicking the light on before stepping aside and letting you head inside. Except, the world seemed to have something against him, you dragged him into the bathroom behind you, your hands still connected, and grinned at him.

“Help a girl out?” 

Luke cleared his throat but nodded. 

He tried not to think too hard when you eventually dropped his hand. He tried not to think too hard when you locked the bathroom door. He tried not to think too hard as you glanced at him through the mirror. 

And he was doing well until you went and pulled your shirt over your head. 

His eyes widened, a spluttered noise of surprise leaving his lips as his eyes instantly snapped to the ceiling. But it was useless, he could already feel his blush crawling down his neck and burning hot.

“Relax,” you laughed. “I’m not giving you the full show. Just need to get this stain out.” 

“Mhm,” he hummed but his eyes remained on the ceiling. 

“Luke?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“Uh huh.”

You let out a hum, like you didn’t quite believe him but you didn’t seem to push further. Instead, he heard the tap turn on and the water started running and suddenly, the bigger bathroom didn’t feel big enough.

“I’m not a creep!” He blurted out.

You paused. “Is that why you are staring at the ceiling? To prove you aren’t a creep?”

“No, well—” He cut himself off and let out a deep breath. “No, I just…your friend called you Cherry down there. You gave me a different name. I just…didn’t want you to think you had to give me a fake name because I was a creep. Granted, you don’t owe me anything but I just wanted to assure you—”

“Luke?”

He swallowed hard. “Yeah?” 

“I don’t think you’re a creep. And I didn’t lie about my name either,” you said, your voice a little softer this time. “People just call me Cherry.” 

And for a boy who ate, lived and breathed a sport that classically gave stupid nicknames to everyone and everything, he had never felt quite this dumb.

“Oh.” 

“Are you going to look at me now?” 

He waited for a moment. And then another. And then, before he chickened out of it, he lowered his gaze until he met yours—and didn’t let his eyes wander any further. 

“You’re an interesting boy,” you mused, tilting your head to the side.

His brows furrowed together. “Thank you?”

You grinned at his response before you turned back to the sink, seamlessly continuing to scrub your shirt under the running tap. 

Luke watched you for a few moments, trying to just stew in the silence and let you do your work. But the seconds kept ticking by and the silence was becoming more stifling and there was only so much he could handle before he wanted to rip his eyes out. 

“I’m sorry about my brother, by the way,” he said when he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “He’s a lil’ enthusiastic but he means no harm.” 

“He seems quite desperate to get you laid,” you noted, your eyes briefly finding him in the mirror again. “A lot of your friends do.”

His cheeks burned again. “They do that with everyone. They just like to be wingmen, you know?” 

Your eyes narrowed slightly on him. “But it makes you uncomfortable.” 

You say it like a fact, not a question. 

Luke choked a little. “Well—”

“Why not just tell them to back off?” You questioned and Luke welcomed the fresh, bitter twinge of embarrassment that washed over him.

“Because they would ask questions,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s just easier to let them mess about.” 

You looked intrigued now. “Why?”

Luke shifted under the intensity of your gaze. “Because then they would ask why I didn’t want to hook up with anyone.” 

You raised your brows. “Not a one-night stand kind of man?”

And honestly, he should have just cut the conversation there. He should have deflected the topic onto something else or gave some vague answer. Hell, even telling you to mind your own business was a better answer. But the alcohol made him feel buzzed, your presence was overwhelming and—for the first time in his life—Luke found himself blurting out the words he swore he would take to the grave.

“Because I’m a virgin.” 

You blinked. And he fucking waited for it. 

He waited for you to laugh. He waited for you to laugh and howl and cackle at his pathetic admission. To mock him, to tease him, to make him feel worse than he already felt. He waited and waited and waited. 

And it never came.

“And you can’t tell them that?” You questioned.

“I, uh,” Luke shook his head, his stomach somersaulting inside him in the worst ways possible. “No, it’s a little…taboo in my line of work.” 

You turned to actually look at him instead of gazing at him in the mirror. “Are you a sex worker?”

Luke spluttered, shaking his head. “What? No! No, I…I’m a hockey player.” 

You frowned a little. “Hockey players can’t be virgins?” 

“Well, it’s not like a set rule but like,” he paused, waving his hands around like that explained everything. But you still looked confused and Luke knew he had to keep talking. “Everyone just kinda expects hockey players to be some kind of…sex god. Or something. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s not really common to be a virgin in the league.” 

“Okay,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest—where you still stood in only a bra covering yourself. “So, like, are you a virgin…by choice?”

“Oh my god,” Luke groaned, bringing his hands to cover his face before it got even more red.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way!” You assured him. “I was just curious.”

“Nobody was supposed to know,” Luke grumbled into his hands, but you seemed to understand him well enough.

“I won’t tell a soul,” you promised.

But the damage was done and Luke wanted nothing more than for the floor to open up and drag him into the depths of the Earth.

He needed to get out of this bathroom. He needed to get out and go downstairs, rush through a flurry of goodbyes to the team before he quickly escaped and headed home where he could hide his embarrassment in a large tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream that certainly wasn’t in his meal plan. 

He just needed to turn around, unlock the door and slip out before you had the chance to—

“What if I helped you?”

Yeah, that was not what he expected.

His hands dropped from his face as he stared at you, his expression almost blank except for the confusion shining in his eyes. “Huh?”

“What if I helped you?” You repeated.

“Helped me with what?” 

“Being a virgin,” you said with a shrug. “It seems like it’s really important to you, or something. And I think you are bigging it up in your head a little more than necessary. Maybe you just need someone to give you a helping hand, you know? Guide you through it, help you learn. No pressure, yeah?”

He blinked. “And…you would do that?”

“Yeah, why not,” you answered honestly with a shrug of your shoulders. “You intrigue me, Luke.”

“I intrigue you,” he repeated slowly, and he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“It’s not a bad thing to be intriguing.”

“It is when you make it sound like I’m some kind of experiment.”

You flashed him a softer smile and something in his chest eased a little. “You don’t have to say yes, it was just a suggestion. Just…a new friend helping her new friend out.”

New friend. 

Luke swallowed. “And…what would you gain from this?”

You sighed, shrugging your shoulders again. “Honestly? I’ve had my fair share of disappointing experiences in bed by guys who think they are sex gods. Call it a gift to womankind if I help at least one guy be competent and capable in bed.” 

He blinked. “Right. Gift to womankind. That’s me.’

You snorted. “Just think about it, yeah? Obviously, you can go about with whatever you are doing. Just a suggestion to make a casual thing out of it, to help take the stress away. It’s your choice, Luke.” 

It was his choice. 

He knew it was his choice and, despite knowing little about you, some stupid part of him trusted that you were being genuine. You were odd but you were sincere, and he knew your offer was sincere too. If he took you up on it, you would help him out. If he declined, you wouldn’t push the matter any further and just move on in your life. 

No more words were exchanged after that, the offer lingering and the tap still running as the red stain showed no signs of budging under the soap and cold water. He knew he didn’t have to give you an answer there and then. 

But the worst part was that Luke was pretty fucking sure he knew what his answer was the first time the offer left your lips.

And he pretty sure the remaining stain on your shirt was some sort of bad omen from the universe that already liked to tease him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He was fucking done being a twenty year old virgin and you were his solution to the problem.

.

[archiveikemen]

Victor 1st Birthday Campaign: Story (2024)

His POV

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Warnings and FAQ

The darkness of the night was my friend, and death was myself.

Today too, I walked, and walked, and walked in the darkness.

Then, I suddenly turned around.

Look, over there – a bloodied, blissful look of death.

…

Kate: Victor, Harrison lent me a book recently, so…

I did my own work, while Kate did the work she had as the fairytale writer.

Working in the same office together and listening to her stories gradually became a part of my everyday life.

(... She looks happy. She’s become a true member of Crown now.)

Kate: Right, about the matter regarding the maid Marianne that I discussed with you a few days back—

Victor: Ah, give her a few days off work. Meeting up with a long-distance lover is a very important occasion.

When I told her that I had already settled the matter we were in the midst of discussing, she blinked in surprise.

Kate: Victor… at approximately what time do you usually go to sleep?

Victor: Usually?

Kate: I understand that you have a heavy workload, and that’s something I can never deal with.

Kate: But whenever I approach you for something I want to discuss, you immediately resolve the matter on your own…

Victor: Ehh~~ are you perhaps praising me? Goodness, I’m overjoyed!

Victor: But unfortunately, I need to sleep as well. I’m a human being, after all. I only have so much time in a day.

Victor: Which means, the matters you bring up to me are of extremely high priority compared to the other things I have on hand.

Kate: … Thank you, Victor.

Victor: I thank you too, for caring about the other staff working here.*

*Victor actually referred to them as “kids”

Kate: Also… you can forget that I said anything if it turns out to be a misunderstanding, but…

Victor: … Hm?

Kate: Do you have something that’s been bothering you lately, Victor?

Kate: Things that make you unhappy…

(This girl is very observant and sharp.)

Those sincere eyes of hers deserve a sincere reply.

Victor: I have a mission with William tonight, and it’s not one that puts me in a good mood.

I was made aware of the existence of an organisation hat made Her Majesty the symbol of their beliefs — in other words, they worship her like a god.

(People are entitled to their religious beliefs, and Crown has no rights to interfere on that, however…)

There was word that the organisation abducted women and imprisoned them to be worshipped, and those who held no physical resemblance to Her Majesty were killed.

Victor: Tonight, we will investigate the organisation and punish them if found guilty.

Kate: … To think they’d kill people over their religious beliefs.

Victor: Kate, because this mission might make you uncomfortable—

Not giving me a chance to finish my sentence, she responded with a stern look.

Kate: Victor, can you allow me to accompany you on this mission as the fairytale writer?

Out of respect for her wish, I accepted her request and we headed to the organisation’s base that night.

…

William: We found the belongings of the missing women, blood stains, and bodies. They have no way to defend themselves now.

Kate: Means to say… they’re guilty?

Tommy Yeager, aristocrat. Leah Rodríguez, congresswoman. Kevin Nicholson…

(This is a lot of important people.)

Out of greed for greater power, they worshipped the Queen and hoped that she would fulfil their wishes.

William: There are two possible venues for tonight’s ritual; one is the top floor of this mansion, and the other is the basement.

Victor: Kate and I will go down to the basement. We shall proceed immediately, in order to prevent any more sacrifices.

Kate: Okay…

William: Victor, how much “mercy” do you want to show tonight?

Victor: — No need for any. Their wrongdoings are deserving of condemnation. Give into your wickedness, Will.

Not wanting Kate to witness anything horrifying, I prayed that we weren’t headed for where our “prize” was.

…

(Ahh, turns out the basement is indeed where our “prize” is at.)

In the basement was what appeared to be an altar, candlelight flickering.

A group of people in masquerade surrounded the altar, laying at the centre was a young girl who looked of tender years.

(Is that the “substitute” for Her Majesty? … Utterly heinous.)

I noticed that one of the men was about to lower the candle in his hand onto the girl’s arm, and I reflexively took a step forward.

— But Kate beat me to it.

Kate: … STOP!

Masked Red-Haired Man: Wha– what’s with this woman!? Let go, get your hands off me…

Kate: Please let that girl go! Ahh…!

In that split second, Kate was shoved into the altar and instantly collapsed onto the ground.

Victor: Kate…? Kate…

(She’s alright, she’s still breathing. She only lost consciousness…)

— There was something on the ground next to her, it seemed that it fell out during her fall.

(Oh, this is…)

– Flashback Start –

Victor: Kate, you’ll be following Elbert and Roger on their mission tonight.

Kate: Okay. I’m still not used to this, I hope I won't get in their way.

Victor: I see. In that case, take this with you.

Kate: … A Cameo hair ornament?

Victor: May it keep you out of harm’s way.

Kate: Fufu, I feel safe knowing that you’re always on a lookout for me.

Kate: Thank you very much, Victor! I’ll be on my way.

– Flashback End –

(... This is the hair ornament I gifted you back when you first joined Crown.)

(You’ve been keeping it by your side like a protective charm…)

Kate lying unconscious on the ground, the girl on the altar, all the innocent women who died there—

Tonight, I had more than enough reason to show absolutely no mercy.

Masked Red-Haired Man: Pfft, haha. This is all because she disrupted our ritual!

Masked Black-Haired Man: … H-Hey. Hold on… this man is…

Masked Black-Haired Man: Isn’t this Sir Victor?

Masked Man with Freckles: I-It really is! How could the Queen’s right hand man show up in such a place!?

I took a good look at all of them, and my gaze focused on one person.

Victor: Was it you who pushed that girl?

Masked Red-Haired Man: Y-Yes… it was me, Sir Victor.

Staring at the man who scrambled up to me, I commanded.

(... It's time for death to come to you.)

Victor: In the name of … I command you. — Now, succumb to my wickedness.

In a trance, the man stared into space.

Masked Red-Haired Man: Ahh… somehow… I feel so happy… I… I…

The man wrapped his hands around his neck, immediately taking his own life.

Masked Black-Haired Man: Is he… dead? Why did he kill himself…?

I turned my gaze towards the alarmed and bewildered men.

Victor: … From right to left, say your names.

Masked Black-Haired Man: Tommy Yeager. … Ugh, gguhh…

I gave another death order.

Masked Man with Freckles: Leah Rodríguez. I- I… ahh!

And another.

All that was left was dead silence.

As though they had a blissful dream, the men died with peaceful expressions on their faces.

William: Is it over? Looks like there’s no chance for me to step into the spotlight.

Victor: Oh, Will. This is where the “prize” was.

William: They died with such peaceful faces, it’s almost as if they were possessed by a god.

(A god, huh.)

It was like saying that “Her Majesty The Queen” was no god.

Victor: … Humans can never become god.

William: Based on what you said, that will surely be the case.

With a calm smile, William picked up the girl on the altar.

William: You can entrust this girl to me. I’ll leave you to look after Kate.

William: Because it seems to me that your rage is heavily correlated to her.

…

Roger examined Kate upon our return to the castle, and he said that she would regain consciousness very soon.

I gently laid the unconscious Kate on her bed.

(Kate. … I’m so glad you’re safe.)

Looking at her face, I was reminded of the night we first met.

When I suggested that she become our fairytale writer, it was partially because I came up with that on the spot.

The other reason being… I anticipated the change she would bring to Crown.

Despite their differences, every member of Crown was a person of strong character.

It was precisely because of that, I believed that “change brought upon by others” was crucial.

Humans could only grow stronger in the presence of others.

(This change will guide those guys towards a more beautiful evil.)

And I would watch her from a distance — that was the original plan, at least.

(Unknowingly, you brought upon a change in me too.)

As William said earlier on, it was clear that seeing her hurt made me fly into a rage.

I felt alive, that was… a “human” emotion.

(Your presence has turned me from a spectator to a player.)

(However—)

I gently placed the Cameo hair ornament back into Kate’s hair.

(Regardless of how lovely you are, I will always remain by your side as “Victor, Aide to The Queen”.)

(No more, no less.)

Or else, my darkness, and death — would swallow her whole.

I gave her hair a gentlemanly kiss.

Victor: Consider this a bad dream and forget everything. Be it nightmares or death, I will never let them reach you.

Victor: … Good night, Kate.

…

The next day, Kate regained her consciousness and came to me at the speed of light to apologise.

Kate: I’m truly sorry, Victor. I was to blame for rushing out without thinking it through…

(You’d still blame yourself even if I tell you I didn't mind, won't you?)

(Ah, that's right. In that case…)

Victor: Would you like to have lunch with me, Kate?

…

Victor: I was about to have a lonely lunchtime today, I’m so glad you’re here.

Kate: Can I make it up to you for last night with this?

Victor: Of course. I find joy in having a delicious meal with another person’s company.

Kate: Fufu, that’s good to hear.

(That captivating smile of yours is finally back.)

— Suddenly, it started drizzling.

Victor: It’s a passing shower. Come here, Kate. Let’s take shelter at the gazebo over there.

Kate: A-Alright…

…

(... That was surprising. The rainfall in London can be so unpredictable.)

Victor: Kate, are you alright—

Before I could ask, Kate wiped my cheeks with her hands.

Kate: I’m alright. You, on the other hand…

Victor: … (surprised)

Despite being drenched herself, she was still more concerned about me. The hands touching me felt so warm, almost like a gentle shower falling from the clear sky.

There it was “again” — the change in my heart.

Kate: Ah, I almost forgot. Liam told me that he has something for you.

Kate: I’m very curious about why he said in a frustrated tone that he was “supposed to give it to you yesterday”.

(Ahh…)

Victor: It was my birthday yesterday.

Kate: … Wait.

Kate: WHAT!?

That was likely the most shocked I had ever seen her from the day we met, I couldn't contain my laughter.

(I never intended to tell you myself, because I know you’ll get unnecessarily worked up over it.)

Kate: I-I’m so sorry I didn’t prepare a present for you, I didn’t know it was your birthday…

Victor: Haha, it’s okay. I already received one from you.

Kate: …?

Victor: You spent the whole day with me yesterday.

Victor: Although I genuinely only wanted to respect your freedom of choice, perhaps I also had the childish wish for you to stay by my side on my birthday.

Victor: … Thank you, Kate.

She looked up at the clear sky with a smile.

Kate: … Hey, Victor. I want to become stronger.

Victor: Why so?

Kate: I know that you’ll always protect me from harm, but… being the weakling I am…

She mumbled “I know there are many things in this world that are better off being left unbeknownst to me” under her breath.

Then, she continued, saying “but if it's things related to you, I want to know all about them”. And—

Kate: When you’re having a hard time, I don't want to just laugh it off and pretend I don’t know.

I was captivated by the way she said those words with a smile.

Not only did she change Crown and I, even she went through beautiful changes with every blink of an eye.

(... This girl is like a storm in springtime.)

Would I someday be caught up in that storm — and tell her the truth?

(But now is not the time.)

Victor: Don’t move too fast towards becoming stronger, I’ll feel lonely being left behind.

(Stay like this just for a little bit longer.)

[bisexualfagdyke]

I've seen people say jerejean is boring (usually in comparison to kevjean, other Jean ships, andreil, etc.) and like, I get why ppl would say that I cant even lie (as a huge jerejean shipper) but I think its "boring" bcuz Jeremy is so fucking normal compared to the foxes or the ravens. He is literally so normal. He is just a guy. And yeah, him not being involved or even knowing abt the mafia abuse torture shit might be "boring" cuz it's a big contrast to andreil, and kevjean, but I think maybe Jean deserves a little normal guy idk! A normal life! A normal life would suit him well.

Neil's circumstances are perfect, he didn't need a normal life, but just one away from the threat of his father. Him and Andrew have a unique mutual understanding of each other, and trust, that nobody else quite gets. Kevin has Wymack, Andrew & Neil, and a whole dysfunctional team that care for him and understand exactly what he went through. Jean genuinely has nothing and he is so, so insanely broken and traumatised. In my opinion, I don't think him being in a relationship with Kevin, or anyone with connections to the Moriyama's, would be that good for him, bcuz of the trauma and associations. I do also think Kevin leaving irreparably shattered something. More than anything, I think Jean needs kindness and gentleness. You can see it in how he gravitates towards Renee, gravitated towards Kevin because he was the only one who showed him kindness in the nest.

I really think the normality, kindness, and upbeat-ness of the Trojans is good for him. People like Jeremy, Laila, & Cat are good for him. I think they're the best for him. I think he would thrive in a normal ass life, truly. He like cooking, he likes open roads, he likes cool evening breezes. Give him normal, calm, kind happiness. And I think Jeremy not having any ties to Jean's trauma is good for Jean. Jean himself doesn't fully understand what he went through, I don't think he needs Jeremy to fully understand/relate, either, he just needs unending love and support and patience and kindness... and Jeremy is the perfect individual to give that to him. Jeremy also isn't overly Exy-obsessed, which I think is another thing Jean could benefit from. Jeremy has never had a life anywhere near the one that Jean had in the nest, and Jeremy can teach Jean all the normal, simply things in life. Can teach him how to be free, how to be his own person outside of the Raven's and Exy and trauma.

TLDR: I think jerejean being "boring" is actually quite good, because Jean deserves a normal, simple, "boring" life after everything he has gone through :P

[haza1206]

i cant stop thinking about pardo so i'm going to ramble about her

OK THIS CONTAINS HI3 SPOILERS AND I KNOW SOME OF MY FRIENDS HAVEN'T PLAYED YET SO BE CAREFUL

The way the only USEFUL thing she could do for ANYONE was to die... and in chap31 her monologue...

"Flying to the Moon to battle the Final Herrscher? That's way out of my league! Besides... I'm the best at running away! There's no way I could have died there! That's right... the real me must be alive, I know she's basking in the sun somewhere..."

'But why did her feet, which should be taking her to safety... take her back to that path?'

'She ultimately made the same decision, even when she had no way to convince herself.'

LIKE AAAAAAA like I think pardo is such a good demonstration of the cruelty of honkai, herrschers and the PE because she was literally just having a fun time with the cats of sundown alley but ended up becoming a mantis and having to learn about the cruelty of honkai. (and i think her recollection about sakura's death makes this hit the hardest:

"Here… SAKURA. This is the snack I promised to find for you. You don't know how hard it was to find… No one can make 'sakura mochi' anymore···" [...]

"…SAKURA. My heart is still broken…"

All kinds of possibilities linger in her mind. The endless "what ifs" make her speechless.

"This really... this really feels worse than death." )

and her being so innocent and likeable in the elysian realm and just a silly character in general makes the cruelty and bravery of her sacrifices (both in the real world and in the elysian realm) stand out more. it wouldnt be as impactful if it was someone like kosma (and honestly he deserves his own analysis too) because he had always sort of willingly dedicated himself to the cause, but pardo was basically an ordinary person who ended up making one decision (by accidentally becoming a mantis) that defined her life and was asked to shoulder horrible sacrifices. :(

but i also think it's such an amazing part of her character that she CHOSE to go to the moon, KNOWING there was basically no way she'd come back, because she felt a sense of duty because she was a flame-chaser (even if she was the weakest). it really highlights both pardo's bravery, and that even the bravest and kindest people were still annihilated by honkai so cruelly in the PE (elysia and eden are good examples of this too).

considering the flame-chasers seem like they're meant to be a microcosm of the PE, and that we go so in depth into their stories to make us grow very emotionally attached to them, and i think that's why pardo hits so hard as a character - because she's just a NORMAL person, her recollections are literally just called "MORTAL'S MEMORY"; and then you expand that view out to look at kevin before and after he became a mantis, before and after su became a mantis... they were all NORMAL people.

i think that's also why the revelation of the samsara hit so hard because we know that the PE wasn't the only time people have died fruitlessly trying to stop honkai, the PE wasn't the only occasion in which the earth was destroyed by honkai and had to start again, people like pardo have lived and made their sacrifices maybe countless times before, and it's all ended so awfully until the CE.

that revelation is what made me love the moon arc so much because FINALLY, humans have found a way to counter the honkai, to quell it and make the earth safe again, and it was only possible through the sacrifice of the flame-chasers, especially pardo and elysia. (and the moon arc is also such a good testament to kevin's trauma but that deserves it's own analysis.)

i dont tend to be a fan of happy endings, but the hi3 cast (especially kiana) went through SO much that it feels so lovely to finally see things work out, and especially because of the efforts of the flame-chasers (and in this image from graduation trip, the way elysia has turned to look at the trio... she's watching what she and the others helped to make flourish...)

tldr because this ended up being so long PARDO IS SO BRAVE AND I LOVE HER

[charliedawn]

What if for the hannibal family, the reader (their s/o,) comes in on them killing someone, but when one of the family members confronts them about it (thinking they're going to have to kill them because they think they're going to call the police) they say "what do you mean? I didn't see anything." With an innocent smile (also p.s. listen to the song hit it by snow Wife, remember she made American horror story-IT'S SO GOOD TOO)

You were called at the nearby police precinct to testify against a member of the Hannibal family. But, things didn’t go as planned for the policemen when you found yourself in the interrogation room and they asked you the question:

"Do you know this man ?"

Morgan Hannibal Lecter :

The photograph was unmistakably a picture of Morgan. You smiled tenderly at the image of your beloved for a second before your smile vanished and you shrugged.

"Never saw that man in my life." You then pushed the photograph back to the officers who looked at each other with a frown.

"But, you said on the phone that…" One of them started—but you quickly cut him off.

"It was a mistake. I have never seen that man in my life."

One of the officers groaned while the other smiled.

"Come on, miss/sir. He cannot hurt you in here. You can speak freely."

You restrained a laugh. If you were to ever open your mouth, no prison would be enough to protect you from Morgan’s wrath. But even without fear, you would never betray Morgan. Because you loved him. But, the officers before you couldn’t possibly understand. Who even could ? Morgan was your…everything.

"I have nothing else to say…" You said with a polite smile. "I was wrong. Sorry for wasting your time."

A few minutes later :

You went out of the precinct and started walking away. But before you could turn at the corner, two arms wrapped around you from behind and you felt familiar lips on your neck.

"Morgan. You didn’t have to come pick me up. I could have—"

Before you could finish that sentence, his lips were on yours. He kissed you for a while before smiling and kissing your hands next and holding them against his chest.

"I know, my love. I wanted to…Now, come on. Let’s go home."

Kevin Hannibal Lecter:

Kevin was a wanted fugitive, his face had ran on TV for years and you knew better than to ask what had really happened. You doubted it would your opinion on him—but you loved him too much to say anything.

Until one day, his past came knocking at your door.

Two FBI agents were standing there and asked you to follow them. You frowned, but complied nonetheless. You were then brought to the precinct and interrogated there.

"Do you know this man ?" You looked at the picture of Kevin and but back a laugh. They clearly hadn’t taken his good side.

"Nope. Never seen that guy in my life." You replied confidently and one of the agents frowned.

"Are you sure ? Could you take another look, please ? That man is responsible for the deaths of many people. It would really be great to catch him before he makes another victim…"

You almost snorted. What did you look like ? A snitch ? An idiot ? Was it written 'community service' on your forehead ? Were they expecting you to do their job ?

"Nah. Ain’t never seen that bastard in my life. Hope you catch him though. All my good wishes to you…" And with that, you were gone.

On your way back home, you sat down on a bench and sighed. Deep down, you knew it was wrong and that Kevin was probably not a good guy and deserved to rot in jail…But, you couldn’t. You simply couldn’t set yourself on condemning him. Because, you loved him.

You were momentarily startled when someone suddenly sat down next to you and hugged you tightly.

"I knew it ! I knew that the family was wrong to doubt you ! Come here, babe."

Kevin kissed you deeply and you were momentarily stunned by his eagerness before responding in kind.

Yeah…You knew he wasn’t a good guy. But, honestly ? Did it really matter ? He was good to you.

Peter Hannibal Lecter :

When the agents showed you Peter’s picture, you almost broke face as you noticed his innocent carefree smile. He seemed so happy. Such a lovely picture…You wished he could still smile at you like this. But, his smile wasn’t the same now…You held back your tears as you looked up at the agents.

"I am sorry. Who is this ?"

The agents looked at each other before sighing.

"We received a call telling us that this individual has been spotted around your neighbourhood not too long ago. Have you seen him recently ?"

You leaned forward and pretended to think about it before offering an apologetic smile to the officers. Peter was not someone you could snitch on. He was your precious little man and you would never betray him.

"No, sir. I am afraid I have never seen this man before…"

The agents didn’t seem to really believe you, but they had no reason to keep you and they had many other neighbours to interrogate. But, there was something about your smile that made them suspicious of you. They suspected that your innocence was but a façade…But, they finally released you.

You went back home and the moment the door was closed, you felt his arms wrap around you and pin you to the door.

"P-Peter ?" You asked. He didn’t answer. He only bent down and picked you up before kissing you passionately. His family had warned him, told him you would betray him at the first opportunity. They had told him you didn’t really love him. But, here you were…back into his arms. And now, he was certain you were loyal to him and he couldn’t wait to show you how much he loved you.

"I am never letting you out of my sight again."

Hannibal Jr. Lecter :

There was no questioning your loyalty to Hannibal Jr. Lecter. No one would be foolish enough to attack him anyway. He had them all in the palm of his hand. But, what you both hadn’t expected was for the police department to go after you. They couldn’t go after the Hannibal family, but they could go after you. You had more than once helped Hannibal Jr. get rid of the bodies and one time…You were caught.

You both tried to run. But, there was nowhere to run. You were cornered on a pier and with no way out. You both knew you going to get caught and that one of you were gonna take the fall.

"This is it, my love."

He said before pulling you into a tight hug and kissing the top of your head. He could see the police cars surrounding the both of you and suddenly held you in a head lock with a knife against your throat. Anyone else would take it as betraying, but not you. You knew there were no other way.

"…I would die for you." You said and looked him in the eyes with nothing but pure adoration in your gaze.

"I know, my darling. I know." He replied before kissing your temple lovingly as the sound of police sirens and angry shouts started blaring around you. But, you could only see or hear Hannibal as he said.

"I love you."

And in a matter of seconds, he had pushed you out of the way and into the water.

"NOOOO !" You screamed and tried to get back to him, but it was too late. Bullets started flying and before you knew it, he was on the ground. You swam as fast as you possibly could and he started crawling towards you with his hand outstretched as you quickly grabbed it.

"Why, my love ? Why ?" You asked—your tears mixing with the salty water slowly rolling down your cheeks—and he replied with a bloody smile.

"I had to. I cannot let you pay for my crimes. I won’t let another loved one be punished for my sake. I have lost…too much."

He had lost all his past lovers. For once, Hannibal Jr. would save one instead of protecting himself or his so-called family honour. And even as he was grabbed by the police and he was dragged away from you. Even as you screamed and shouted for them to let him go, he was smiling. At least…He had finally managed to save one.

Hannibal Sr. Lecter :

You denied all of the agents’ calls. You knew what would happen to you. You didn’t even show up when they asked you to come to the precinct. And even the idea of testifying against Hannibal Sr. in Court made your legs wobble in fear.

You couldn’t do it.

Finally, on the day of the trial, one of the FBI agents came to his cell and asked.

"We called. We searched. We tried everything to make Mr./Mrs. L/N testify against you. But, so far no luck. She/He is simply TERRIFIED of you. What have you done to them, you sadistic fuck ?"

Hannibal Sr. only smirked knowingly as he licked his thumb to change pages in his book before shrugging.

"You thought she/he would betray me ? Oh poor naive FBI agent." Hannibal Sr. grinned before looking up at the FBI agent with a knowing gleam in his eyes. "My wife/husband is no snitch. I trained her/him better than that."

True devotion. He had spent years drilling his values into your skull. You wouldn’t break, because Hannibal Sr. had broken you first. It was the reason you were his spouse. He had educated and tamed you so well that the sole notion of conscience had been stripped away from you. You lived for him. You breathed for him. And he knew that you had become so dependent on him that you would NEVER betray him. He had made sure of that.

He hummed quietly to himself before returning to his reading—unbothered. He would soon be with you again. He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait to make you scream his name so loud that you wouldn’t even dare speak up again….

He turned another page with a malicious smirk.

"~All good things come to those who wait."

[emry-stars-art]

Oooh do go on about raven neil and jean 👀 (if you’re so inclined ☺️) - @neil-jostenminyard

*chanting* raven Neil raven Neil raven Neil (and lots of Jean) (quite possibly even jeaneil) (although most of the thoughts are post-ravens lol)

So my personal thoughts about this are also mostly thanks to chats and inspiration/prompting from @jtl-fics and @greenautumnleaves so if you see any additions from them on this post it's most likely also thoughts I adore lol

Anyway this got kind of long so:

I ALSO latched onto Sakavic's statement that Neil wouldn't leave Jean in the nest bc yeah it makes sense and also ow

But just the two of them being partnered up like Riko and Kevin as is common in these aus, and then after Kevin gets out first, they have to stick together and rely on each other even MORE because Riko is pissed that Kevin is gone and probably takes it out on the next closest two idk

But in our imaginings, Renee or Andrew get Jean out quicker than in canon, again because Neil would refuse to leave Jean behind and I can only imagine he'd go so far as to trick or manipulate Jean into leaving. Maybe by being at a certain place at a certain time to get picked up, however he can make it happen. But the issue we run into is that once that's done, what the hell would Neil have left at Evermore, besides Exy that maybe he still loves deep down. But Exy's been so warped being raised on it at the nest that at that point his obsession is barely recognizable.

Kevin might recognize this, because he knew Neil in the nest. Or at least he knew the person that Neil presented himself as. But it's probably more likely that Jean recognizes this, and yeah things are super rocky and weird but Jean can barely even function without Neil. So back a fox goes to rescue their second raven's partner.

They bring Neil back to Palmetto and he and Jean are completely inseparable. Emotionally and physically. Neither of them act like, feel like, or even call themselves "touchy feely" or "clingy" people but as soon as Neil is treated for various intense and mysterious injuries, they're curled up in some hidden place for hours. Even the short time having left Neil behind made Jean almost too anxious to leave his room. Even the short time without Jean - now with more punishment for aiding Jean's escape - was enough for Neil to consider something drastic.

(side note: Andrew now has not one, not two, but three gorgeous tragic boys under his supervision and I'm sure he's handling that totally normally lmao. But it's so obvious to him that Jean and Neil have something going on that any ideas for himself aren't worth entertaining.)

So it's a little easier to ease out of various habits and thought processes because Jean and Neil are doing it together, with outside help. They fix their sleep cycles/rhythms, try a slightly more normal college diet, and most slowly lose their "win or die" mindset in practices. They're still never seen without each other - Wymack had a talk with some of the school board about their schedules and dorm arrangements for the first semester. In reality, he's not sure if he should have them go cold turkey on raven habits or if he should take it slower, but he's doing his damn best to get these boys adjusted to life outside a cult. And Neil and Jean, whether or not they actively realize it, find that step to be the one they absolutely cannot take. Why would they go through the agony of learning to live separately if they don't have to. When no one else understands them like the other, when they've already seen each other's worst so nothing else is worth keeping secret between them. Who else is Jean going to go to when having a better life makes him feel like he more deserves death or punishment and the guilt hits him so hard he can't breathe, much less sleep. Who else is Neil going to go to when he can't let go of his birthright - if he isn't good at what he does (Exy) he literally could just be shot like a lame horse - and he's not allowed to go practice Exy against a wall to the point of tearing himself apart anymore so he forces his feet away from the court to find the only person he knows he'll listen to when they say no.

Kevin, of course, is keeping a close eye on the two, whether unintentionally or on purpose is unclear. Neil still has a mouth on him, he sometimes plays mind games with the foxes like chess against himself, and most of all does not allow anyone to get too close to Jean. Jean is still quiet, having learned not only to take a punishment without resistance but also that Neil will speak first. Neil will resist so Jean doesn't have to. He's safer in Neil's shadow.

Maybe it's a phrase or warning that Neil uses and that Kevin recognizes. Maybe it's a gesture between Neil and Jean that Kevin oversees. Maybe it's just the general demeanor of the two. But whatever it is is familiar to Kevin, not in a "I remember this from them in the nest" way. He can recognize by now that Riko was not good to him, he can acknowledge it even if the rest of him hasn't caught up. He looks at Jean in Neil's shadow and remembers himself in Riko's.

As if Butcher's son Nathaniel Wesninski wasn't already scary enough on his own.

But Kevin won't allow this kind of thing on his court, and he's not good at it but he is still trying to let go of unhealthy raven ideals. If Neil is holding onto some fucked up dynamic, Kevin is going to put a stop to it.

He pulls Jean aside, a miraculous feat. He asks what Neil has done.

"Mistake" might be an understatement.

It could very easily be the longest string of words Jean has said to anyone besides Neil. Kevin doesn't know near as much French as he does in canon - Neil is the one that shares that secret defiance - so it's all clear English, Jean making sure Kevin understands every word. Kevin should never speak about Neil that way again. He knows nothing about them, he shouldn't so much as pretend to understand Neil. Neil is the only good thing that ever happened to Jean. Kevin never cared enough to bring it up in the nest, so he has no right to start caring now.

It isn't great for their already tumultuous relationship. Kevin wonders for a bit if Jean would tell Neil about it - then next practice Neil doesn't even try to work with Kevin, even after the two had made it a point as strikers to figure out how to. He ignores the other strikers entirely, falling immediately and seamlessly into perfect synch with Jean behind him, speaking hardly a word of English the whole practice. Because he knows that will make Kevin even more angry than Neil being actively hostile to his new teammates.

Kevin isn't sure what he was expecting. Chances are Jean hadn't even needed to bring it up for Neil to notice something was off.

As for Andrew, I think he could still pick up a game of truths. He'd need to offer a similar deal as he did for canon Neil, this time for Neil-and-Jean, the entity of the two of them together. I think he could ensure some cooperation by saying he won't force Jean and Neil apart from each other the way some others have muttered about doing. Even if Neil knows by now the codependence isn't healthy, neither of them are ready to give it up.

It probably really throws Andrew to hear that they don't consider themselves to be an item. They're together, sure, but for a raven that doesn't always, maybe even rarely, means "in a traditional relationship". Neil and Jean definitely never offer any clarification. That's no one else's business, even if they could explain it so that a non-raven could understand. Generally I feel like if this is an andreil universe, it's an even longer, stranger, more winding road to get there than in canon.

I'm almost CERTAIN there's more Im forgetting about rn but this has been my taster on raven Neil+Jean, I hope it was at least a little bit coherent, and greenautumnleaves - I hope this comes anywhere close to your galaxy brain ideas on these two lol. Maybe I'll be back with other thoughts later who knows

[heliads]

and here's another conversation 🗣 for you, because my curiosity and love for yapping knows no bounds: cym as the f1 grid? not as pilots on the grid, but who would be teammates with whom and on which team. create a grid with your mutuals basically, i think that could be so fun asfjdjsj

wait this is absolutely incredible. clara your MINDD. moots who don't follow formula one, know that everything about this is positive

red bull racing: @mayfieldss and @musicallisto. you're funny, you're confident, you know what you're about. winners all of the time. world champions of my heart <3

ferrari: @schuvries and @diorsluv. hot girls. we all wish we were you. red is your color and you deserve millions of tifosi supporting you.

mclaren: @faerieroyal and @hiya-itsamber. you're my unproblematic faves. you experience happiness and you look good in bright colors. every day is a joy because you know you have nothing to worry about (my unwavering affection or a contract renewal).

mercedes: @zaypay and @spideyanakin. i have such fond memories of both of you that have lasted for many many months. this is a narrative parallel to the long-lasting success of the mercedes amg petronas formula one team. even if we haven't talked in a little while i will always be happy to see you winning.

aston martin: @retvenkos and @eclliipsed. i see you as responsible people. although fernando is not responsible (known war criminal) his status as one of the most experienced drivers on the grid gives him credit. i see you as experts in your field so this makes sense to me.

williams: @neewtmas and @mxltifxnd0m chaotic but friendly duo. the team i would take on a road trip. irl they gave these two a podcast, which was an incredible move. i wish i could hear you two on a podcast we would have such wonderful things to say.

alpine: @marmar-c and @mystic-writings. you are a classic team even through different themes and different years (similar to how alpine has been renault and lotus in the past). you will always be famous to me.

vcarb: @kobbiesmainoo and @w1shes43. you are people i wish i could talk to in real life. even when we haven't talked in a while i see your posts on my dash and i know that if we ever got dinner together we would have a lovely night, similar to how i could totally get takeout somewhere with yuki or danny and get along splendidly.

sauber: @reinekes-fox and @swanimagines. people from totally different fandoms who i think would get along, quite similar to current sauber drivers zhou guanyu and valterri bottas. the grid goes crazy and you two would simply be living life to the fullest.

haas: @kuromibrainrot and @sirofreak. i trust you two to channel the spirit of kevin magnussen and commit vehicular manslaughter on the daily. plus you two are crucial members of the unwind fandom so i know you'll have the unbreakable bond currently displayed by the members of this team.

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

the sunshine court notes

first things first riko needed to be brutally beaten to death, a shot was too quick

renee talked like a fortune cookie and it was pissing me off

i wish we got more of Wymack and Jean, it was very nice of him to get on the plane with Jean

jean immediately getting annoyed with basic life is really funny

jean is also really sassy and hilarious

also something weird happened in jeremeys house

my personally theory is that he had a sibling who died and his family thinks its his fault

like maybe an accident or maybe the sibling overheard something that they weren't supposed to and his sibling had to die as a result

whatever happened the butler knows about it and is trying to protect him

and whatever happened had to be bad because the act of dying his hair had his family ban him from the dinner table

neil believing his relationship with andrew as a strength his really good for his character, considering his mom was so keen on him not forming any connections

the fact that jean actually considered reaching out to his sister, only for him to learn that she was dead breaks me every time

and neil using her to force him into a belief that he doesn't deserve to belong to anyone but himself was a necessary cruelty.

i also like that Jeremey was the one who telling him about Rikos death was good

jean has no agency in the entire 1st act of the book, he is taken from the nest and basically held captive, then he is forced to go to the sunshine court, which he doesn't like but has to

the foxes all hide info from jean for his own good

and jeremey being the one to tell him is nice because jeremey is his first taste of freedom

jean talking about his abuse in such a casual manner is horrifying bc he thinks its so normal and its horrifying

" i didn't ask" broke me in so many ways because Jean doesn't particularly trust jeremey at the time, nor did it slip out while he was angry, he just said it so casually like it was normal

At first i felt bad for Lucas, but not so much anymore.

he was a sympathetic character who was trying to straddle a thin line of having faith in his captain and who he belives is a violent stranger and his brother who is not the same boy he know

but bringing Greyson to jean was soo fucking stupid it pisses me off

and the fact that jean wasn't even really fighting back, just trying to protect himself is upsetting

also the imagery of him punching the keypad over and over again just trying to get out is gutting

jean isn't a dog who bites, he's a dog who puts his foot to the fire because he believes that he is supposed to do

the water scene was sad as well because he was trying so hard to behave but physically could not

also Jeremey and really most people on the team meet his violence with unflinching kindness is really sweet

i also appreciate how jeremey doesn't force jean to talk about his trauma or even takes the notes from him, jean has had little to no control in his life since he was 15 and forcing him to talk about it when he wasn't ready would have made it worse

and jean asking jeremey to pretend was sweet and what was even sweeter when he did

jean learning to cook is nice as well because he needs life skills

theory for book 2: jeremey buys jean his freedom and jean becomes an exy coach ( more of a pipe dream i guess)

i also think Greyson will kill lucas

jeremeys saving grace being the thought of his sister deserving better is horrifying

i wish we got more of his relationship with Zane

neil is a real one because Jean compared Greyson to drake once, and Neil took care of it for him

jean being afraid of sleeping alone is so sad because he's basically been trained to sleep next to someone

and the fact that he has nighmares, but they are hardly mentioned, and jeremey is the one to bring it up is so sad

also kevin should have tried harder to reach out to jean

jean pushed away the foxes because he knew they would eventually leave him too

jean being steadfast in the idea that if he plays a good game he will have momentary peace is heartbreaking

jean holding onto his talent despite people thinking he slept his way to the top is also upsetting

i hope we get a zane and jean reunion bc i think they truly cared for each other

maybe kevin sends jean a postcard and a magnet and they can reconnect

also him realizing his very limited possesions have been destroyed made me almost cry

and the magnet scene with jeremey is very sad, but him realizing the magnets are broken make him realize that he is

kevin and jean still both being afraid of riko is telling bc riko is dead

let me know what yall thought... always willing to talk about all for the game.

[summerlovingbaby]

rooftops

It was November 4th, Andrew stared at the alarm clock Kevin annoyingly sat on the windowsill, it was 2:37 AM. He had been staring at it since 10PM the night before, dreading watching the minutes tick by until it was midnight. There was nothing special about November 4th, just another day in the year, another horrible day sandwich in between worse ones. Every day Andrew had to wake up and fight not to throw himself down the stairs, and for some reason, every year on November 4th, he had to fight extra hard.

He rolled to his back to glare at the ceiling, today was his birthday, and that deserved some acknowledgement. He remembered every horrible birthday with a painstaking clarity and none of them were good. The best memory he had was opening the bedroom window, and crawling to the roof to look at wide expanse of the sky and get some perspective, but he only felt small underneath the wide expanse of the stars, and that somehow made him feel worse.

He had a letter from his brother crumbled in his pocket, he held onto it even though he memorized every word. And sending back nothing but a “fuck you, never contact me again” hurt more than he thought it would. He had never belonged anywhere in his entire life, and he found someone who had his face, and he had to tell him to screw off because it was better that way. Andrew almost laughed himself off that roof, here he was protecting people he didn’t know, yet he still felt alone.

He didn’t have to roll over to know what Aaorn was doing, he did it every year. Tried to mute his cries with a pillow. For all intents and purposes he was doing a good job. Kevin slept light, and Aaron was silencing his sobs with a pillow. He did this every year and neither of them acknowledged it. Aaron stopped crying in front of Andew years ago, but Andrew knew approximately how much he did because he wasn’t good at hiding the aftermath.

He hated crying, and people who did it. It was stupid and useless and solved exactly none of your problems.

Andrew spruned by the sudden heat of the room sat upright, swung his legs to the edge of the bed and felt his way around the room with his foot until he found the fridge and opened it, letting the white light flood the room. He took his time poking at the different beverages, it was his birthday, if he wanted to spend a few extra minutes milling about the fridge, letting the cool air hit his face, he could do what he wanted, it was his birthday. He reached for the back of the fridge and picked up a half empty glass bottle of vodka. It was stupid expensive, and a gift that he swore to himself he would savor, but hell it was a special occasion. 

He closed the door softly, hoping not to wake Kevin, the last thing he wanted to listen to was Kevin bitch and moan about his less than restful slumber, and instead of finding himself back at the foot of his own bed he found himself at Aarons, who was peering down at him from the top bunk with sad eyes. He knocked the glass bottle on the frame of his wood bed.

“ Get down,” he whispered, “ lets go.”

He turned and waited towards the door. Aaron always slept in just boxers which made Andew immensely uncomfortable, so he waited wordless at the door for him to dress. He heard the sounds of the drawer open and shut and Aaron shuffling through the motions of dressing until he heard Aaron force out a cough, and he opened the door.

Andrew caught a glimpse of Aaron on the way out, wearing obnoxiously bright orange matching sweat suit. Andrew rolled his eyes at the sight of him, he looked almost pathetically childish. Like one of those goldfish you got at a fair and kept in a plastic bag. Those fish never lasted long, and died because they ran out of air. Aaron was still clutching a pillow to his chest, and had the lower half of his face buried in the cotton material.

Andrew knew where he was going, and let his feet mindlessly wander to the roof, trusting that no one would be awake at this hour. If anyone would be awake it would be Neil, but he trusted Neil to read the situation and stay clear of the twins as they made their way to the roof.

Andrew walked along the edge, reckless teetering over the side, his hands outstretched beside him for balance, sometimes he behaved in such a destructive manner it wouldn’t be a stretch to call him suicidal, but it was his birthday, and he could be ever bit as reckless as he pleased. The wind was fresh and nipped at his heels, so he sat on the edge wishing he brought a jacket. He looked back to Aaron,who was feeling the weather too, was waiting by the door like a child.

Andrew bit the cork of the bottle and spat it off the roof and pat the spot next to him. Aaron got the hint and sat down next to him, as far as he could manage without it being noticeably awkward, and sat the pillow on his lap using his forearm to wipe away his tears. He finally stopped crying, and Andew took solace in the silence. The only noise was the sound of cars whipping through the parking lot, and flies hitting the bug zapper. Andrew was cold, but turned the bottle up to his lips, and swallowed twice, before setting the bottle down and pushed it Aarons direction, watching out of the corner of his eye as Aaron stared at it like it was a loaded gun, before shoving it back in Andrews direction.

The cool air only calmed Aaron down temporary because he was sniffling again, and his breathing turned rapid. He brought the pillow again not to cry, and Andrew shot him a despeate glare. If he was gonna cry, he could at least do it properly. It was his birthday, and if he wanted to spend it dry heaving up snot and tears than he could do as he pleased, and Andrew wasn’t gonna judge. Tears were a welcomed change from the anger he usually got, and a large step up from Aarons typical childish petulant silence Andrew got after their mom died.

“ If you’re gonna cry, do it properly,” he said, snatching the pillow from his grip and tossing off the roof, watching as it landed in the bushes, “ don’t muffle yourself anymore.”

Aaron didn’t say anything, just looked at the navy blue pillow that stood out against the greenery, letting tears silently fall into his lap without bothering to wipe his face, he chewed on his lip to keep from making a noise, before he suddenly gasped very loudly and clapped a hand to his mouth, barley muffling a groan, and doubling over as if someone struck him in the stomach gagging violently.

“ Sit up before you vomit,” Andrew chided, he grabbed him by the collar and forced him to sit up straight, and Aaron who refused to to look at him jerked his head to the side and stared at the vent system next to him. Aaron violently quivered and shook with sobs, with every sob his entire chest heaved and he violently gagged like he would barf up dinner if he ate it.

“ Why won’t you fucking look at me?”

Aaron ignored him in favor of crying harder, Andrew didn’t think it possible. There went that childish petchulence that was so common it was expected, and without Nicky to be a buffer for Andrew ill-mannered nature, Aaron was forced to confront his twin brother head on.

“ Are you going to ignore me because I don’t feel like talking to myself,” he said, Aaron was quick to anger and Andrew knew exactly how to piss him off enough to start talking. “ If you’re not going to talk then you should go back inside,” he said, he finally turned towards Aaron, whos head was bent at an uncomfortable degree looking away, and based on the tenseness of his shoulders, he knew that Andrew turned to face him. “ If you won’t then I will,” he said, one final threat.

For some reason, Aaron cannot stand being alone, even if that means his only company would be Andrew.

“ Don’t go,” he quietly spoke.

“ Then answer my question, why won’t you look at me?”

“I miss my mom, and everytime I look at you I wanna kill you, becaue you took my mom,” he said through a series of wet sniffs and tears. He took a deep breath before settling himself and turning to look over the expanse of grass and concrete.

Andrew rolled his eyes, their mother was an incredulous drug addict, abusive narsassit, and the only time she was ever worth anything was when she was dead. She was an idiot who had kids she couldn’t care for, or care about. Aaron was better off with her in a little pine box, and Andrew would never understand how Aaron could miss someone so horrible. He wanted Drake dead nearly everyday since he met him, and only put up with him for so long because losing Drake, also meant loosing Cass, and that seemed so intolerable to him when he was younger. Aaron must have seen him roll his eyes because tears fell down his face and puddled onto his sweatpants.

“ I never gave you shit for killing him,” they didn’t have to speak his name to know who he was talking about.

“ Its not the same thing, and you know it. She wasn’t bad all the time, she wasn’t. Sometimes she was nice. She loved me,” Aaron said determined. “He was a perv, she loved me.”

“ And love is what? A fist to the face? Shoving pills down your throat to shut you up?”

Aaron balked at the implication. “ Things are so black and white with you, either you’re bad or good? Unless your Neil in which case you can be completely horrible, and you don’t even fucking care.” he snapped, he was still crying, despite the intense anger and rage that wa obvious with the edge of his voice. 

“ You hate me because I kept my word, I said I would protect you and I did it, and for that I get what? Petchulance?”

“ Where did you learn that big word?” Aaron said in a mocking tone. “ I know you don’t get it because you never had one but she was my mom. She wasn’t bad all the time she was good,” as if he could make Andrew understand.

“ She got you strung out, and she beat you-”

“ Only when I deserved it, even when I misbeahvaed.”

Andrew glanced over at him, with a restrained look of disgust, bothered at how pathetic his brother sounded. 

“ Do you even hear yourself?” Andrew asked, genuinely curious if he heard how incredous he sounded.

Aaron was silent, and lifted one foot to the edge of the roof, jamming it into his chest. Andrew watched as he soothed himself, he did it often, like if he made himself small enough, or quiet enough, he was never there.

“ Speak,” he demanded.

Aaron chewed on his cheek to keep himself for talking and Andew responded by slapping him firmly on the back, and Aaron embolden by this intense gesture began to cry again.

“ I know you will never get it, but she was my mom and I miss her,” he spoke softly.

Andrew thought about this. Tilda was so unloving, her instincts so intensely not maternal he never viewed her as anything besides a horrid woman. But aaron had the thing Andew so intensely hoped for he was willing to go through hell just to get a chance for it. They both wanted a mother and were willing to put up with abuse to get one, it wasn’t Aarons fault that his mom and his abuser were the same person.

“ I will never regret killing her, not for one day, it was the best thing I’ve done for you,” he said, “ But I am sorry you miss your mom,” he said.

Andrews words seem to melt the very limited compouse Aaron managed to hold onto, he doubled over in tears, and brought his knees into his chest, breathing hard and ragged, gagging on his own spit. Andrew unsure of what to do, Aaron hadn’t had such a violent reaction since they were kids continued to talk.

“And you can cry as much as you damn well please, no one is gonna hit you for having feelings,” he added.

[mayisgoingnuts]

Completely random fun facts about the characters I roleplay as because I WILL INFODUMP ABOUT THEM. DEAL WITH IT /J /SILLY

@clownazon @secretmailservice I'm only confident enough to mention you guys 😔😔😔 /hj

— If you pay attention you can see that Roy NEVER said sorry to literally anyone, and I mean like a GENUINE sorry, so the one he gave to skid and pump doesn't really count since he was forced to

— Kevin and his ex broke up because Kevin wants a "Marry and live together" type of relationship while the other guy just wanted intimate stuff (dw they discussed and broke up)

— Richard grew up in a family similar to the one he's on rn, his parents controlled them and didn't let them do anything. He doesn't realize that he turn out just like his father because Roy didn't reacted the same way they did, so inside his mind he's fine

— PLUS this factor added to Charles' (Roy's uncle) need for dominance, he was already naturally arrogant and authoritan, ended up only getting stronger. Developed into mental illness (aka pedo thoughts) and did what he did. Still deserves to die tho

— Carmen is 2 years younger than her husband!! :D

— Kevin already unintentionally copied some of Marco's behaviour ksjdkdjf

— If it isn't obvious enough Roy is insanely aggressive on meltdowns/breakdowns, BUT if he's unable/not allowed to hurt people or break things around him he'll either pull his hair or bite his cap

— ROY AUTISM MOMENT JOKING WHEN LOTTIE WAS CRYING CUZ HE DIDN'T REALIZED THAT IT WAS THE WRONG MOMENT TO JOKE ABT THINGS

— Still talking about autism he got it from his dad :)

— Kevin's mom constantly says that he's ruining his life and comparing him with his sister (she's a doctor)

— But AGAIN IT'S JUST LIKE CARMEN, she doesn't hate Kevin or anything, bad mom but not bad person, she wanted him somewhere good and not in a damn candy store 💔💔 wouldn't make sense for her to hate him and then call him atleast twice to make sure he got his meds

— Carmen the only one with no traumas KJAHDWKD

— Kevin's highschool was AWFUL because transphobia and ableism ♡ (fuck schools

That's everything my children ty for reading /silly

[onlysanepeoplesleep]

possible tw: brief mention of an eating disorder and body dysmorphia (implied but it’s barely there??).

There was no doubt when someone said Kevin was beautiful or pretty. Everyone complemented his looks, even Tetsuji had said that his looks could be used and he should use them. He hadn’t understood when he was younger what that meant exactly, but he understood now.

You could get anything just by having a pretty face and an eye-catching body. Maybe that’s why he was put on strict diets in the Nest. So the photoshoots they took months later would show his slim waist and lean figure. Riko always said his eyes were the prettiest part about him, and thus were meant to be kept unharmed.

His face never showed any sign of the abuse he had received in the Nest, even years after people still believed he had had it easy. Maybe that’s why he hated his self-image so much, why he stared at the mirror for seconds longer than he should. Why he hated eating anything above the calorie intake he was meant to. Because he had had it easy. Life had been easy for him, he shouldn’t worry others with his problems because he didn’t have any.

He was fine because he wasn’t traumatised. He wasn’t hurt the way Neil or Jean were. He didn’t have lasting scars except for the one on his left hand — and even that wasn’t as bad as the ones Jean or Neil carried.

Everything was fine. He was fine. Nothing was wrong.

And yet… if something wasn’t wrong, if he was truly okay — then why did he still have nightmares? Why did he awake abruptly at night drenched in sweat and riddled with fear? Maybe he was a coward, why else would he have nightmares when his experiences in the Nest had been nothing compared to what Jean suffered. What Neil suffered. Why should he have nightmares when Neil woke from them more frequently? When Kevin didn’t deserve to be traumatised because he wasn’t.

Everybody believed that was true so why shouldn’t he?

Betsy would probably say it wasn’t good to think like that. It wasn’t healthy to undermine his own trauma (which he didn’t have) just because someone else experienced the same things — just differently. She’d tell him to focus on his own nightmares and focus on trying to heal, but what was there to heal from if he was fine? Because he was. He was fine, as fine as one could be.

So he didn’t deserve the small reassurances his friends gave him. Didn’t deserve any kind of affection from them especially because it should be the other way round, but Kevin’s not sure how to comfort people and he knows he should know because if he’s fine and everything in his life has been fine up until this point — then how come he can’t give solace to those whose lives aren’t?

Why must he be so selfish and rude and stupid and a coward? Riko hardly did anything to him. He wasn’t beaten as much as Jean, he wasn’t tortured as much as Neil, he wasn’t broken. He survived the Nest and was fine, so that meant he had no room to argue with those who didn’t. Those who were braver then him. Who endured the pain because they didn’t know much else.

Kevin had the key to his cage whereas Neil and Jean didn’t. That was the difference. That was why he was fine and they weren’t. That’s why they needed to be loved and cared for and he didn’t.

He was not fine. He hadn’t been fine in years, but he’d never voice that aloud. He’d never disagree when someone said he had it lucky; when they said he was spoiled for thinking he didn’t. Whatever horrors he had been through in the Nest didn’t matter because in the end, the only way for people to realise just how broken you truly were was if they had visible evidence. And in that, Kevin was lacking.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Mafia Front? Happy 16th birthday to your dog! I love the parallels between how they both reacted to the paparazzi (I’m glad those pictures didn’t get out, people deserve privacy!) and I love where you are at with it. And all the others (everything you write is so well-crafted and good). Hope you have a great week!

WIP Wednesday (7/10) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 186)

“What are you talking about? I already—” Neil looks up to find the glasses he’d brought in earlier are in fact, empty ones. He’d been in such a rush to get Andrew out of the kitchen and Jean’s gun back where it belonged he must’ve forgotten to actually fill them. He sighs and hands the cards over before picking up the glasses. “I’ll be back.”

“Oh, by the way,” Andrew begins, halting Neil in his step. “What’s on the menu today?”

“Crepes.”

“Extra-flat pancakes? How nice,” Andrew says and Neil holds in a laugh because he’d said practically the same thing to Jean this morning. It earned him an eye roll and a flick to his earlobe.

When Neil steps into the kitchen, Kevin’s head snaps around so fast it makes him grimace in sympathy. Jean merely glances over.

“Relax. It’s just me.” Neil says, sitting the glasses on the counter. “Sort of forgot to put water in these.”

Jean laughs dryly. “Idiot.”

“Excuse me, I was trying to save a man’s life.” Neil grabs the pitcher of water from the fridge and wanders the last time it was washed before topping off each glass. He watches Jean pour batter into a skillet and Jean looks at him from the corner of his eye.

“What?”

“There’s enough right? For all four of us, I mean. If not, Andrew can have mine—”

“I’m not letting you go hungry just because I have a problem with your puny friend." Jean says, rolling his eyes. "Of course I’m making enough for us all.”

“He’s not that small. Only three inches shorter than me.”

[antoinettesb]

PABU MY BELOVED

I can’t believe we got a happy ending (for me it’s a happy ending)

Many people told me they would have wished for a sacrifice by Crosshair or some other character. But to be honest, I am grateful for how it ended.

This is more or less what most of us wished for the clones: A peaceful life after the war. My heart is content ❤️

Finally, they are free. (Also, the way Hunter aged like a fine wine? ❤️🔥)

So many scenes in the finale scared me to death. There were so many near death experience for all of them. In addition, Crosshair’s hand being chopped of was so so so cold and brutal. But it was an amazing moment when they all made it out and the clones were liberated. (Ramprat deserved his death, I enjoyed it very much) .

Of course, in general, there could have been more depth to it, but to be honest, I think they still made the finale very emotional and very touching, sort of bringing out the best of all Batchers.

I personally enjoy that this series ended with a certain kind of warmth and hopefulness. I cried BECAUSE I WAS SO TOUCHED ❤️. And seeing Daddy aged Hunter was like the cherry on top 😂😂💀. Seeing Omega all grown up was so overwhelming. I remember Episode 1 of TBB and Omegas “First Time in Space”. She has come so far💓

I loved it ❤️ though I am sad it ended… but all good things come to an end and I mean, the story lives on, more or less.

Looking forward to more CW and TBB content ❤️

See you!

[joanofexys]

also 🔴 for anyone/everyone thank u

- @ninyard <333

🔴 Red- What is a trait your OC has that those around them don't see very often? Is it seen by a rare few or completely overlooked?

Florian - Flor is truly so emotional. He’s very tender and he loves easily and falls so hard. And most people don’t see it because he acts like a raging, apathetic, bitch 90% of the time. Mara and Jean are the two people who see it the most. Kevin gets to see it sometimes. And eventually Ilya gets it pretty much all the time. It’s warm breathe against Jean’s jaw and a murmured “I think I’m a little bit in love with you”. A barely there brush of lips against Jean’s forehead and a “I’m glad you’re getting the chance you deserved, I’m sorry I wasn’t the one to give it to you”. It’s Mara thrown over his shoulder and loud laughter in their first apartment and a “I’m glad that out of everyone it was you”. It’s sitting on soft carpet, dozing with his head on Ilya’s thigh, and “thank you for loving me back”. It’s flying out for one of Kevin’s games, waiting for him in the hallway and squeezing his hand before he goes to talk to the press, “I can’t wait to be on the court with you again”. He’s a little bit in love with all the people in his life and he doesn’t often show it.

Ilya - Ilya’s incredibly patient but it often gets overlooked due to his stubbornness. He’ll wait as long as he needs to for someone. His relationship with Florian is a great example. He’ll wait as long as it takes. But he doesn’t give up so a lot of his patience gets viewed as just him being a stubborn asshole. I think Florian notices it once he stops being pissed at Ilya for being Like That. Ilya’s the only one who has the patience to implement the partner system with Florian after Mara says she doesn’t want to do it anymore. The patience of a saint despite being a little shit about everything.

Mara -Mara’s incredibly sentimental. And she gets nostalgic very easily. She thinks about her family a lot. Everything before the Ravens. She doesn’t even really talk to Florian about it. How she misses her dad, how she writes her mom cards she doesn’t send every mother’s day. Her memories of her childhood are precious to her when she doesn’t have any items to hang onto it. However, that also transfers to the nest. After graduating she clings to those memories, to everything she has of the ravens. The good and the bad.

Emiko - She has godawful imposter syndrome. I mean imagining spending most of your life trying to be the best, actually being the best. You’re captain of your team, you make olympic court immediately because you’re just that good. And it’s never acknowledged because your little brother is just handed it all while you had to earn it. When Riko is praised for all the same things and she’s never praised for any of it it makes her wonder if she’s as good as she thinks she is. She wonders a lot if her name has gotten her where she is. She spends a lot of time thinking about how she must’ve tricked everyone into thinking she’s this good, that she deserves Court, because if she was really this good her family would’ve admitted it by now. Nothing she does will ever be good enough. For Tetsuji and for herself.

Jude - He can actually be so difficult to get to know and incredibly aloof and distant. Jude spends so much of his time caring about other people and being focused on giving them his time and energy that oftentimes there's very little of him left. He's very dedicated to his relationships and his friends and family but its to a point where he can know your deepest, darkest secrets and you'll realize you don't even know his favorite color or if he drinks coffee every morning or what he did over the weekend. He really has forgotten, in ways, how to even talk about himself. So much of what he shares about himself is attached to someone else that people struggle learning things about him outside of that. They know he loves his team and he loves his dog and he loves his moms. They don't know that he goes to the record shop on main street in the city he and Merrick live in every Sunday morning. They don't know that his favorite movie is The Mummy and he'll never choose anything else if he's allowed to pick the film on movie night. They don't know that his favorite color isn't red, it's green or blue (and you can't make him decide). They don't know that he started little league exy as a goalie and promptly burst into tears the first time he got a ball to the face. They don't know that he can quote the majority of the star wars films and that he buys every copy of lord of the rings he can get his hands on and that he's obsessed with the dinosaurs in jurassic park. They don't know that he did photography on the side to help pay for college. That he wants be a journalist and sports commentator after he retires, and only coach little league. Jude as an individual is very hard to know. He's so focused on giving to other people that he can often forget that they just want him as he is.

Merrick - I think it's really something only Jude, and maybe the foxes, see. It's how hard he tries. For everything. Most people think Merrick is incredibly uncaring and doesn't put effort into healing or forming healthy relationships. But only Wymack saw the late nights where he called his parents, attempting to mend their relationship. And only Jude sees the frustration over a lost game and letting down his team. Only he knows about the flowers left on his sisters grave, that they're the only ones regularly replaced, that he'll always fresh ones before the last bouquet can go bad. It obviously took so much effort for him to get clean. And he relapsed multiple times. And I think people overlook how hard he tries to stay clean. How determined he is to be better than his parents, to be better than who he was.

Angel - It's either his temper or the fact that he exists on the entire concept of "you never stop missing your mom". He's so angry, so often. And in high school that became very internal and after having Phoebe it's something he's very determined to work on and change. But the weirdest things will set him off. He got into fights all the time as a kid. And once with the foxes it was easy enough to piss him to the point of nearly taking a swing (though he for the most part he just tells the person that if they don't stop he will fucking deck them). He's got a pretty good grasp on it now, but because he doesn't express it often his temper definitely gets missed. And then there's the fact that he just constantly wants his mom. And that's something he's so so scared to admit. Cause bringing up his mom in his house as a kid was not allowed. His dad would get so upset about it and it only ended in pain for him. It's only during full blown meltdowns or panic attacks that he'll ask for his mom and it really slips out. But it's truly something that'll never leave him. Anytime Phoebe won't go to sleep he wants his mom. They win a game, he wants his mom. He got a 100 on his exam for the first time ever, he wants his mom. He has to book an appointment, he wants his mom. He can't fall asleep, he wants his mom. It is the littlest things. And he hates it because he can barely even remember who it is he's missing. He was so young that whenever he ends up begging for his mom he doesn't even have a clear picture of who he's asking for. She might as well be a stranger to him. Yet despite it she'll always be the first person he thinks of whenever he needs someone.

Emeryk - Emeryk clings to guilt like it's a lifeline. He has so many regrets. And it's absolutely not something anyone is allowed to know. He holds onto guilt that isn't his. He feels guilt for people who refuse to feel it themselves. He feels the guilt of his father, of his mother too, and of the man he currently serves. He feels the guilt of pain he couldn't prevent and the pain he, himself, endured. He is not a good person and that will never change and he feels terrible about it. He knows in every universe he chooses his own survival first and in every universe he feels guilt for all the people he chose to let suffer in doing so.

[starsandgutters]

WIP GAME BOO & BOWSER!! 👀

HEHEHE !!

This is also just an outline, but it’s an idea I have had in my head for YEARS, from around the same period as the initial conception of Kinda Love, so I am very soft and fond of this verse even if I’ve never written a word from it.

Kevin and Aaron become close in college after Neil and Andrew get together cause they’re on the sidelines more often. And after Riko especially they get really close, and they think they’re just dudes being bros, but they do have such exchanges as Aaron teasingly referring to Kevin as Paracelsus.

“Why?”

“Because he also always wanted to be right. He actually burned medical textbooks because he was so strongly of the belief his ways were correct and tradition was wrong. And this is 15th and 16th century, books were not easy to come by.”

“Wow. Thanks. I won’t insist I’m right if I’m wrong-”

“That’s not- I just mean he had that much belief in himself. He didn’t want incorrect medical practice happening. He also taught in German instead of Latin. Cause he believed everyone should have access to knowledge, not just the upper classes.”

“…oh.”

“He just reminds me of you.”

And Kevin is all flustered because not only is Aaron being NICE to him but he’s being nice USING HISTORY which is a super effective seduction method for Kevin, and every time Aaron calls him Paracelsus after he remembers that and feels all warm and … wow they must be such good friends right 😃

But then Kevin leaves and being Kevin gets hyper focused in on his new team and training and it’s usually Aaron messaging him, but the replies get sparser and more infrequent, and after a few months Aaron starts to think Kevin only was friendly with him because of close contact / has moved on and now that Aaron isn’t going to be continuing exy he isn’t important to him anymore.

Like Kevin’s just a single minded dumbass but Aaron has attachment issues due to parental abuse so. Y’know. It hurts and it sucks but he has Katelyn and he’s got med school to be working towards and so he tries not to think about Kevin.

(Hard to avoid thoughts of your ex best friend when he’s constantly on TV and you’re still on his dad’s team but whatever)

When Kevin comes back to see Wymack for holidays he acts the same as they always did, but Aaron’s more distant towards him, so then HE thinks Similar Things™️ to Aaron because they’re BOTH emotionally stilted idiots. So the distance between them just grows.

Kevin is separated from Thea at this point because Kevin Day deserves to love himself thanks 😤

They cross paths sometimes over the years (usually from things involving Andrew) but it’s more like cold acquaintances than the way they used to be.

Aaron and Katelyn break up in his last year of med school. Just growing apart, changing as people, but Aaron definitely feels his depression had a big impact in it and it sends him into a bit of a spiral and he has to take some time off from school - which he hates- He shifts to part time studying and splitting his time between that and working at a doctors office but now he’s suddenly faced with the fact that he’s got a void in his life cause, hey! Most of his med school friends were mutual friends with Katelyn and all their hanging out was as a couple and sure he’s got some acquaintances and work acquaintances but like… trust issues mean he doesn’t wanna spend time with people he’s not super close to. Andrew’s busy playing pro, Nicky’s in Germany, so Aaron adopts a dog.

HE’S A ROTTWEILER AND HE CALLS HIM BOWSER AND GETS HIM A SPIKED COLLAR 😌😌😌

(The timeline of this kind of messy but I’ll work it out better if I ever write it hahaha)

Kevin is also a Lonely Boi but he throws himself into playing to distract himself. Except his hand gets worse every winter and no matter how many tapes or supports or massages or pain meds he tries, it’s getting harder to keep up the level of use he has with it.

And then he gets the news he has post traumatic arthritis and he’ll only have so many years left to play before it gets worse. And sure, yeah, he taught himself to play right handed, and that was FINE for the Foxes, but it’s not up to standard with the pros.

Cue mental breakdown.

Cue importing a super expensive pure breed dog as a distraction (she’s a Shiba Inu called Boudicca).

(I considered a Japanese name because it’s JUST LIKE KEVIN to name her ✨authentically✨ and teach her all her commands in Japanese, but also, I think it’s just so tied to Riko and painful memories for him that in the end he wouldn’t, but felt he would find it funny to call her after a queen, and a Celtic warrior queen felt appropriate 😌)

Oh he also drunk called Aaron at some stage despite not having had a full conversation with him in years and Aaron is just like “wat” like why would you not talk to Andrew or Neil about this???

But he can’t.

Because they still get to play.

Andrew doesn’t even care about this stupid sport that is Kevin’s whole world and he STILL gets to PLAY and how can Kevin look him in the face and say he’s on limited time and Andrew’s career will outlast him?

And Aaron’s kind of annoyed. But it’s also nice in a sad way that someone seems to be doing worse than him (can you say schadenfreude?) And also he discovers his soft spot for Kevin never left and fuck that.

So they stay in contact a little more frequently. Kevin sends pupdates. Aaron sends advice because as smart as Kevin is he’s also a soft touch and keeps spoiling her before he’s even got her trained and also “you picked one of the most stubborn temperamental dog breeds as your first- No, why am I surprised? You fit perfectly”

More messy time line stuff I haven’t thought about and Kevin having to leave her for the first time to tour and he’s like “S O S I THOUGHT I COULD LEAVE HER AT A KENNEL BUT I DONT TRUST THEM WITH MY BABY WILL YOU PLEASE BABYSIT HER”

“You know im busy I have work and school.”

“She’ll keep Bowser company.”

“Bowser is a grown dog because I didn’t contribute to breeding for profit while good dogs get put down in shelters because they have no homes.”

(5 photos attached of Boudicca)

“Fuck sake fine”

And Kevin’s like she’s kind of moody and it might take her a while to warm up to you and-

Dog whisperer Aaron Minyard crouches down and she immediately is getting belly rubs and giving him kisses. (Aaron Minyard who is good with animals & who animals always take to because they can sense the soft core of him that people don’t see past his spiky exterior you will ALWAYS be real to ME)

Kevin: 👁👄👁

Boo is Aaron’s nickname for Boudicca. Which he calls her all the time even though Kevin protests greatly, because she HAS a name and it is a GREAT name it is a POWERFUL and HISTORICAL name and-

And Aaron’s like hehe let me edit them so it looks like they’re sitting in little Mario Kart racing karts - Bowser and Boo 🤭💖

Kevin has never been a better communicator. Messages Aaron every free minute like hello is my baby the light of my life ok???

Gets flustered when Aaron replies “im fine thanks how are you” wHAT IS THAT ABOUT??? WHAT IS THIS FEELING SO SUDDEN AND NEW—

Aaron and Katelyn have also moved past their break up heartache at this stage and reconnected as friends, so some of the updates Aaron sends Kevin of the dogs out on walks, or him doing stuff with them, Katelyn is in the background of. And Kevin does not like this. It makes him feel all complicated and prickly and uncomfortable. Like, why is she near HIS dog and why is that FUZZY LITTLE TRAITOR sitting on her lap and WHY is she pressed against HIS AARON’S side and- wait, no, not his Aaron, hahaha what a silly thought-

Ends up impulse buying a house in Aaron’s city (idk if Aaron canonically went to Chicago or if that’s just fanon but I’ve absorbed it into my consciousness as a fact) so it’s easier for dog sitting and Aaron doesn’t need to stay crammed in a cheap apartment and Kevin can just travel between that and wherever his team is based. (Aaron is furious because he is not a kept man. He refused Andrew’s help and how dare Kevin think he can just buy a house and-

He does move in anyway though cause his window has had a draft for months that makes chilly Chicago winters a NIGHTMARE and the sink in the bathroom drips constantly and it would be nice to have a garden for Bowser-)

So then- OMG THEY WERE ROOMMATES!

Anyway dog dads falling in love

Kevin manages to make it to the Olympics before he retires and has, essentially, a huge nervous breakdown despite the fact he had years to mentally prepare himself. Aaron helping piece him back together and finding new ways for him to focus his love of the game while also being a kickass doctor because Aaron Minyard? Multitasker pro

Grumpy boys out walking their dogs together in big coats and scarves 😌💖 their little family already pre-made by the time they get their dumbass acts together and realise they want to smooch 😤 Kevin being at home more so that Aaron can put more hours into HIS career now without worrying about the dogs, and Kevin having time to explore and learn about himself and his interests outside of exy. Aaron making sure he takes it easy and helping him with exercises for his arthritis and ways to tend to his chronic pain 🥹 and they just get to be domestic and stupidly in love and happy with their pups!!

(Bonus concept: Bed Spreader Extraordinaire Kevin Day who usually takes up the ENTIRE bed with his STUPID LONG LIMBS is actually the one that sometimes can’t get into bed in this verse, because Aaron sleeps curled up into a little ball, but the dogs sprawl out on either side of him as his protectors. Kevin standing shivering in his briefs like 🥺 Boudicca please move and let me into the bed 🥺 but this is what you get for impulse buying one of the sassiest and most stubborn dog breeds, Kevin-)