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wholesalinghouses · 6 days
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FreedomSoft Zip Finder Tutorial: Find Top Cash Buyer Zip Codes in Your M...
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Where can I get a merchant cash advance?
If you're considering a merchant cash advance (MCA), there are various providers you can turn to, including specialized MCA companies, online lenders, and some traditional financial institutions. Below is a list of reputable MCA providers, online platforms, and key considerations for choosing a provider.
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1. MCA Providers and Online Platforms
Specialized MCA Companies
Rapid Finance
Features: Offers MCAs with flexible repayment terms and quick funding.
Pros: Known for transparent terms and fast approval.
National Funding
Features: Provides MCAs along with equipment financing and working capital loans.
Pros: Simplified application process and rapid funding.
Forward Financing
Features: Focuses on small business financing with quick turnaround times.
Pros: Known for customer service and flexible repayment options.
CAN Capital
Features: Offers MCAs and other small business loans.
Pros: Provides educational resources and has a straightforward application process.
Reliant Funding
Features: Offers both MCAs and short-term business loans.
Pros: Flexible funding options and quick approval process.
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Online Lending Platforms
Fundera
Features: Acts as a marketplace to compare multiple MCA providers.
Pros: Allows you to compare terms from various lenders in one place.
Lendio
Features: Provides access to multiple MCA offers by submitting one application.
Pros: Offers a variety of business funding options and personalized assistance.
Biz2Credit
Features: Connects businesses with lenders offering MCAs and other financing products.
Pros: Offers tools and resources to help business owners find the best financing options.
Kabbage (part of American Express)
Features: Provides working capital loans that function similarly to MCAs.
Pros: Known for a simple application process and flexible repayment options.
Fora Financial
Features: Offers MCAs and working capital loans.
Pros: Flexible terms and quick funding decisions.
2. Key Considerations When Choosing an MCA Provider
Interest Rates and Fees: Compare the factor rates, fees, and overall cost of the advance. MCAs typically have higher rates than traditional loans, so understanding the total repayment amount is crucial.
Repayment Terms: Ensure you understand the repayment structure, which is usually a percentage of daily sales. Consider how this will impact your cash flow.
Funding Speed: Some providers offer funding within 24-48 hours, while others may take longer. Choose based on how quickly you need the funds.
Qualification Requirements: Check the eligibility criteria, such as minimum monthly revenue, credit card sales volume, and business age. Some providers are more lenient than others.
Reputation and Reviews: Research the provider’s reputation by reading customer reviews and checking for any complaints with organizations like the Better Business Bureau (BBB).
Customer Support: Good customer support can be crucial, especially if you have questions or issues during the repayment process.
3. Steps to Obtain an MCA
Evaluate Your Needs: Determine how much funding you need and what you plan to use it for.
Compare Providers: Research and compare different MCA providers to find the best fit for your business’s needs.
Gather Documentation: Prepare necessary documents, typically including recent bank statements, credit card processing statements, and identification.
Apply: Submit an application online or through a sales representative. This usually involves filling out basic information about your business and providing financial documents.
Review Offer: Carefully review the advance offer, including the terms, fees, and repayment structure.
Accept and Receive Funds: If you agree to the terms, sign the contract and receive the funds, often within a few days.
Conclusion
Merchant cash advances can be a useful financing option for businesses needing quick access to funds with flexible repayment tied to sales. It’s important to compare different providers, understand the terms, and choose a reputable company that offers transparent and fair conditions. Always consider how the repayment will affect your cash flow and whether there are alternative financing options that might better suit your needs.
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#businessloan #unsecuredloan #loan #loanofficer #businessloansnow #funding
#businessfunding
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quecksilvereyes · 9 months
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oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD
some things to look out for
1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it
2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you
3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK
4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.
5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.
6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.
7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.
7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.
fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.
thanks.
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a-soft-fluffy-girl · 6 months
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TL;DR: Steam just made library sharing so much fucking easier and so much fucking better. Instead of login-trading, it's just a simple goddamn invite.
Read this. Really. It's a good read. Because it shows that, full-stop, Valve isn't just doubling down on their stance to make sure that people can and should be able to share their copies of digital goods as easily as they can physical ones, but they're making it better and easier than ever.
But you know how Steam allowed you to, with either friends or family, link accounts with another person to be able to establish an ability to share game libraries with one another? The general gist of Steam Family Sharing was that, with a limit of five people plus you (six in total) on a limit of ten computers total could share account access to willingly mix your libraries. You could play theirs. They could play yours.
This was a huge boon. It was meant to emulate sharing a physical copy of a game. A way to allow children to play games their parents or siblings had bought without having to fork over double the cash to buy it a second game. But it had some major limitations and drawbacks, and was archaic to use.
If a person did not share the same computer, you had to manually log into that computer to give it and the accounts on it access. This wouldn't be a problem if both accounts were used on the same computer, but many households (and astronomically more family and friend groups) had multiple computers, all used by different people.
If that computer, at any point, was hard reset to any point before the sharing occurred, you lost access. And had to do the whole process again. This was also an issue with computer transfers. The whole kit and kaboodle needed to be redone on upgrades. On top of that, the old computer is now just dead weight that you may not realize you have to manually revoke access to.
Putting your account information on another person's computer opens up security issues. They could, intentionally or accidentally, land themselves on your account if the login information was stored. Which could easily lead to purchases or bans you did not want to happen.
If anyone was, at any point, playing any game on their own library, you had no access to their games. Even if it was a totally different game, you had to wait your turn as if waiting for their computer to be freed up to sit at. (Admittedly this is kind of like the "mom said it's my turn on the xbox" meme, but hey, kinda archaic.)
You could not choose whose library you accessed a game from. Not at all. It always prioritized the first library it gained access from, DLC access and multiplayer be damned. If another friend you were accepting games from had more DLC? Too bad.
And yet here we are. Steam Families Beta fixes EVERYTHING about the above issues. By just going through Settings > Interface > client Beta Participation and clicking onto Steam Families Beta? You get:
No more login sharing. No more computer links. You can now choose which person's library you borrowed from. And you can play any other game from someone's library, even while they're in-game. It just needs to be a different game than what they're playing.
Pick five people. Invite them to your family. And now everyone has access to everyone's library. My goddamn library went from 150-ish to almost a goddamn thousand in ten minutes of setup.
Account sharing and password sharing are dirty words that "lose" billions of dollars. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Max. They aren't game storefronts, but they still allow you to access massive libraries and scream like you murdered their firstborns for daring to share your password with your mother after you moved out.
Microsoft tried pushing to demonize and undercut used games sales and borrowed copies of physical games. Remember the first attempt to reveal the Xbox One? People forget, but these vultures tried to make an always online console that checked to see if you were the account that owned the game, even if you had a physical disc, and prevent access to the disc's contents if you weren't the original downloader.
Valve walked the fuck up. Valve tapped the mic. And Valve dropped the fucking thing right onto the ground with one feature's revamp.
About the only issues I can see with this are twofold:
If someone sharing your library gets banned from a game's servers... so do you. No one else in the family does, but the both of you do. This is... rather unpleasant, because banhammers can be dropped quite frequently by mistake. I'd urge Valve to rethink this one, but I see the logic: don't cheat and effectively bite the hand feeding you. Still making me side-eye that, though.
If you leave a family you've joined? You have to wait a YEAR to join a new one. It's to prevent people form jumping ship to another group and screwing over who's in the former one in the process, but a YEAR? OUCH.
Problems aside, though... it's probably the biggest fucking power move I have ever seen a media distributor make in the current economic climate. It's the kind of thing that would let so many new games be available in a way that's easier than ever. Just a few clicks to send or accept an invite, and bam. Permanent access to dozens or even hundreds of new games with so much more freedom than earlier drafts of the system.
It's the kind of thing that slaps you in the face with positivity after so many Ls from the games and media industries. And I'm all the fuck for a W like this.
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miniimight · 5 months
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"S'NOT MY BIRTHDAY..." silly girl, thinking you need an occasion in order to be spoiled by them!
with gojo, nanami x fem!reader
notes trying out this writing thing again lol
in previous relationships, you had to deal with the bare minimum. a generic greeting card on valentine's day, a bunch of snacks for your birthday, and a necklace for christmas because 'that's what girls like, right?'
now, with him, it's different. he has no qualms about getting you anything your eyes linger on, no matter the price. he had so much money, he picked things up and swiped his card without so much as a glance at the cost. it baffled you sometimes.
it happened was early on in your relationship. you then quickly learned to just sit back and let him spoil you!!
GOJO
satoru's fingers were laced with yours as he swung your connected arms between you. he inhaled deeply, looking up at the high ceiling of the mall. "today's a good a day as any to throw some cash, don't you think baby?"
you giggle and squeeze his hand. "one or two things should be okay." that's what you budgeted for, anyway.
he rolled his eyes, scolding you for your tiny imagination before allowing you to pull him along to your favorite stores.
it wasn't long before your eyes spotted the store you loved but couldn't afford. your stare was glued to the window display, all the cute tops and pants and bags and shoes and bracelets and...
when he felt your steps slow, satoru glanced at you. you were laser focused on the clothing store—naturally, he sharply turned towards it.
"hey!" you squeaked at the sudden change of direction, and you hurried to match his pace again. "toru??"
"i saw you looking, baby, why didn't you just say you wanted to check it out?" he teased.
you looked over to the side, embarrassed. "i... i don't wanna tempt myself, cus i know i'll gaslight myself into buying something."
he narrowed his eyes, not in scorn but in confusion. "who said you were buying anything?"
"huh?" you chirped, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
gojo stared blankly at you. you really were adorable, thinking he wouldn't spend his last dime on whatever you wanted, regardless of how trivial it was. a smile pulled at his lips.
"my sweet girl," he cooed. "my sweet, slow girl..."
you gasped indignantly and poked satoru's side, earning a giggle from him. "slow?!"
"obviously, i'll by whatever you want, silly." he tugged you towards the entrance of the store.
"but..." you resisted his pull. "it's not my birthday or anything..."
huh? he pouted. "as if i need a special reason to get you stuff."
"but..." heat creeped up your neck as you reveled in the unfamiliar feeling of being spoiled. something inside you told you that he was just being nice and was waiting for you to shut him down, save him the expenses. "it's not fair, is it? i didn't get you anything so far..."
his face fell slightly as he pulled you away from the busy traffic of the moving crowds. satoru pulled your chin up to face him. "i dunno what's running through that pretty head of yours, but answer me this, okay?"
you nod.
"you want it?" he gestured towards the store.
you hesitated, eyes straying from his face. he quickly squished your cheeks, causing your eyes to widen and snap to his. "—!"
"don't overthink it, pretty girl, just tell me."
"yesfh." you answer dejectedly, muffled against his hands.
"then you'll have it." he told you. "i want you to have anything and everything you say you want. i wanna buy it for you. and being able to hear you say 'my boyfriend got this for me' is all i need in return." he grinned cheekily.
you pouted, looking unbelievably cute in his eyes. he despises the partners of your past for leading you astray, thinking you needed to do something special in order to be appreciated. don't worry, he'll fix that in no time.
he pecked your pursed lips before hugging you. "okay?"
you giggle. "okay."
"yay!! now let's go!!"
by the end of the day, he had to call ichiji to help carry all the bags to the car. he was so proud of you!
NANAMI
kento was your shadow as you glided through the store, picking up things and setting them down.
"oh, this is so cute!" you squealed holding up a tee for him to see.
he smiled, more because of your excited expression than the t-shirt. "it is. you should get it."
you hummed, in thought. your hands drifted over the material, picking up the tag before inhaling sharply. "nah, another time."
he frowned. you'd done this at every store so far, picking up things you said you liked but leaving them behind. he was bewildered. "but... you like it, do you not?"
you winced, hoping this topic wouldn't come up. "i do! it's just the price. out of my budget, you know?" you said, trying to be light. you burned with discomfort. might as well just say you're poor.
kento frowned. "oh..."
"yeah."
you quickly turned away, avoiding the confused look on his face.
"y/n." he called you.
"...yes?" you glanced behind you, seeing him standing over the shirts.
"are you under the impression that you would be paying?" he asked.
you blinked. "oh?" yes, you were, but you were surprised to learn that he had the opposite understanding. "well... yeah."
he frowned, disappointed with himself. "i'm sorry. i didn't intend to make you feel that way."
you stepped closer, rubbing his arm soothingly. "what are you talking about?" you laughed softly. "you didn't make me feel any kind of way. i'm not upset, if that's what you're getting at. i never expected you to spend your money on me."
his frown only deepened. oh, how he has failed. "why not?"
you faltered. how did you manage to make it worse? "i'm not sure i understand..."
kento shook his head. "have you been thinking you'd be using your own money for purchases? this whole time?"
"um..."
"sweetheart, i'm paying. for everything, at all times." he refused to hear anything else, cutting you off when you opened your mouth to retort. "we'll have to circle back to the stores we previously visited."
it was your turn to frown. "kento, it won't be my birthday for a few months! you don't have to get me anything right now."
"what does your birthday have to do with anything?" he asked, genuinely confused. "i don't mean to interrogate you, my love, but i think i am the one who doesn't understand."
"you'd get me anything i asked for?" you shoot back, spelling it out for him. "for no reason?"
"for one reason," he replied. "simply because you want it. it'd make you happy."
warmth spread across your face. "that's two reasons." you mumbled.
he clicked his tongue, exacerbating your bashfulness when he pulled you into his side. he kissed your forehead. "you make me laugh, y/n. i was so confused as to why you weren't getting anything. surely that's not how you usually shop."
he bought that shirt for you, as well as the many things you thought were cute at all the stores you stepped foot in. now, you shop without any hesitations.
© miniimight ! thanks for reading <3
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fatehbaz · 2 months
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was thinking about this
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To be in "public", you must be a consumer. Or a laborer.
About control of peoples' movement in space/place. Since the beginning.
"Vagrancy" of 1830s-onward Britain, people criminalized for being outside without being a laborer.
Breaking laws resulted in being sentenced to coerced debtor/convict labor. Coinciding with the 1830-ish climax of the Industrial Revolution and the land enclosure acts, the "Workhouse Act" aka "Poor Law Amendment Act of 1834" forced poor people to work for a minimum number of hours every day. The major expansion of the "Vagrancy Act" of 1838 made "joblessness" a crime and enhanced its punishment. (Coincidentally, the law's date of royal assent was 27 July 1838, just 5 days before the British government was scheduled to allow fuller emancipation of its technical legal abolition of slavery in the British Caribbean on 1 August 1838.)
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"Vagrancy" of 1860s-onward United States, people criminalized for being outside while Black.
Widespread emancipation after slavery abolition in 1865 rapidly followed by the outlawing of loitering which de facto outlawed existing as Black in public. Inability to afford fines results in being sentenced to forced labor by working on chain gangs or prisons farms, some built atop plantations.
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"Vagrancy" of 1870s-onward across empires, people criminalized for being outside while being "foreign" and also being poor generally.
Especially from 1880-ish to 1918-ish, this was an age of widespread mass movement of peoples due to mass poverty and famine induced by global colonial extraction and "market expansion", as agricultural "revolutions" of monoculture/cash crop extraction resulted in ecological degradation. This coincides with and is facilitated by new railroads and telegraphs, leading to imperial implementation or expansion of identity documents, strict work contracts, passports, immigration surveillance, and border checkpoints.
All of this in just a few short years: In 1877, British administrators in India develop what would become the Henry Classification System of taking and keeping fingerprints for use in binding colonial Indians to legal contracts. That same year during the 1877 Great Railroad Strike, and in response to white anxiety about Black residents coming to the city during Great Migration, Chicago's policing institutions exponentially expand surveillance and pioneer "intelligence card" registers for tracking labor union organizing and Black movement, as Chicago's experiments become adopted by US military and expanded nationwide, later used by US forces monitoring dissent in colonial Philippines and Cuba. Japan based its 1880 Penal Code anti-vagrancy statutes on French models, and introduced "koseki" register to track poor/vagrant domestic citizens as Tokyo's Governor Matsuda segregates classes, and the nation introduces "modern police forces". In 1882, the United States passes the Chinese Exclusion Act. In 1884, the Ottoman government enacts major "Passport Nizamnamesi" legislation requiring passports. In 1885, during the "Tacoma riot" or "expulsion", a mob of hundreds of white residents rounded up all of the city's Chinese residents, marched them to the train station, kicked them out of the city, and burned down the Chinese neighborhood, introducing what is called "the Tacoma method".
Punished for being Chinese in San Francisco. Punished for being Korean in Japan. Punished for crossing Ottoman borders without correct paperwork. Arrested for whatever, then sent to do convict labor. A poor person in the Punjab, starving during a catastrophic famine, might be coerced into a work contract by British authorities. They will have to travel, shipped off to build a railroad in British Kenya. But now they have to work. Now they are bound. They will be punished for being Punjabi and trying to walk away from Britain's tea plantations in Assam or Britain's rubber plantations in Malaya.
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"Vagrancy" amidst all of this, people also criminalized for being outside while "unsightly" and merely even superficially appearing to be poor. San Francisco introduced the notorious "ugly law" in 1867, making it illegal for "any person, who is diseased, maimed, mutilated or deformed in any way, so as to be an unsightly or disgusting object, to expose himself or herself to public view". Today, if you walk into a building looking a little "weird" (poor, Black, ill, disabled, etc.) or carrying a small backpack, you are given seething spiteful glares and asked to leave.
"Vagrancy" everywhere in the United States, a combination of all of the above. De facto criminalized for simply going for a stroll without downloading the coffee shop's exclusive menu app. "Vagrancy", since at least early nineteenth century Europe. About the control of movement through and access to space/place. Concretizing and weaponizing caste, corralling people, anchoring them in place (de facto confinement), extracting their wealth/labor.
You are permitted to exist only as a paying customer or an employee.
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ziracona · 2 years
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I love that people recommend being responsible and seeing someone for mental health help, but if you’re on anything but a good full time work based insurance, no one will take your insurance and mental health people drag out 100-600 a fucking Hour to offer help like hmmm somehow I doubt your personal drive is truly caring for other humans’ needs when you’re charging them 500 and hour to beg for help with their trauma. You know who can afford to shell out 400 bucks a week to a psychiatrist? Not people who desperately need to see one. Not anyone working 3 jobs part-time because every place knows they have to give you insurance if you go full time, so they give you half an hour less than full time a week everywhere. Not contract workers. Not people whose work skimped and gave them the shittiest health plans that pay for nothing but an emergency room visit.
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hardknifeplays · 3 months
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'*•.¸♡ relationship with könig: headcanons ♡¸.•*'
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tags: gn!reader x könig, he's older than you, mostly domestic, nsfw-ish!
NOTE: Please do NOT repost anywhere | reblog, likes, and comments are appreciated! ♡
✧ the beginning of the relationship was a bit difficult, he was so used to the hard and rough military life. knowing he has a higher rank in his team, he treated you like you're his subordinates, not his partner.
✧ he was too commanding until you snapped and brought him back to reality one day. you told him that when he's with you he's not supposed to act and/or treat you the way he treats his soldiers in the field.
✧ that was the first time he saw you snapping at him, and it scared the life out of him. he never thought someone whose figure was so small compared to him could be THAT fiery and going against him.
✧ he was a bit pushy and almost always forced you to do whatever he suggested (about anything, really), and let's say he was not on his best behavior back then. you realized you shouldn't let a man step on you like this, especially when you're his partner.
✧ you dared yourself to be more vocal and direct to him. it worked; you told him where he was wrong and how you wanted him to improve next time. sure, he still made some slip-ups but he definitely got better.
✧ he told you he was sorry for the way he treated you, he was never good with communication. he never wanted to be mean to you, and you saw major changes within him from that point.
✧ he started to show his gentle and clingy side, you almost forgot that this is the same man who was a little too stern to you a few months ago.
✧ morning sex is a MUST, inhaling your natural scent from behind while his hips are drilling against your ass is the best way to start a morning.
✧ his love language is eating together with you. either eating some meals made by you, made by him, or even take-outs, he always wants to eat with you. if you're not hungry? well, he can tell his stomach to hold the hunger a bit just for you.
✧ this man LOVES dirty jokes and puns you throw at him. always get him all flustered and red like a fucking tomato. run your mouth, sweetheart, this Austrian giant is head over heels for you even more! ;)
✧ he's becoming more and more vocal and open about his feelings and thoughts to you, despite feeling extra anxious whenever he did so. soon he realized that you're here to listen to him, and not to judge him.
✧ the most romantic moments happens after work, you're serving him a cup of coffee or tea while he's resting himself on the dinner table. you two will spend the rest of the evening talking about your day, his day, and sometimes some gossips in your or his office. drinking tea while spilling some tea, if you will. 🍵
✧ the man is a massive science nerd 😅 he's subscribing to youtube channels like michael reeves, kurzgesagt, and NileRed. he'd love to watch science documentaries with you until both of you fall asleep.
✧ he loves it when you rely on him. need some new, exclusive collector edition books? he's here to pay, even the hardcover ones! need new lipstick or makeup? take him to sephora and make yourself pretty with his cash, darling. need new PC components? he'll spoil you and make you an amazing PC setup!
✧ besides the material things, he loves you even more when you cling to him like a baby koala when you're anxious or feeling unsafe in general. he loves being a big man for his dearest love.
✧ he's quite busy, and his line of work is highly demanding for his presence. he's a colonel, leading missions and he even goes to his office or shooting range on weekends or holidays. his hard work paid off, and he kept being promoted to higher positions.
✧ loves it when you asks him about his job. what is he doing? what is a “human battering ram”? he's willing to answer some grime questions from you, e.g. is he becoming insensitive to see gruesome death? is human blood really THAT red and fresh? is he afraid of the ghosts of the enemies he had killed? etc.
✧ sometimes he comes home looking frustrated, and it scares you a bit. worried that he'd back to his old self, the overly stern and authoritarian asshole. but then you know that his frustration is not directed at you, but rather to whoever the hell managed to piss him off at the office.
✧ you can soothe him in two ways: calm him down by talking him out through it and bathe him (unless he requests some alone time to sort his thoughts), or being his obedient fucktoy for him to release all that pent-up anger. you choose :)
✧ he'd consume you whole if he sees you with bodycon dress or any tight clothing. it turns him into an animal.
✧ always asks for pictures whenever you're away from him. say things like, "i want to see how well your dress/shirt is hugging your figure, love." ; "you'd look gorgeous with that makeup/style."
✧ plenty of nicknames for you: feisty firecracker, honeybee, sweetface, schnucki (means 'sweetie' in german), schatz, Schmetterling (butterfly), my love, my darling, my dearest angel, my sweet, ... etc.
✧ if you happen to be someone from outside of german speaking country, he'd teach you some german. mostly curses and dirty words, though. hehe.
✧ he'd love to bring you to his hometown in salzburg. he'd take you to makartsteg (lovers lock) bridge and seeing the mountains, and he's so excited to introduce you to local foods and drinks.
✧ he'd love to be your biggest motivator whenever you feel lazy to do something. got some homework or tasks you need to finish, but didn't want to? he'd say, "do it and I'll reward you in the bedroom, schatzi."
✧ if you two are already talking about marriage... he'd be so nervous about meeting your parents, especially if you have extremely different cultures as him. he's a grown man with a great income that surely can sustain you two, which you're sure that your parents wouldn't mind about.
✧ his biggest concern about starting a family with you is your safety, knowing how often he's deployed. being one of the best operators in his team meant he'd constantly be called to missions, sometimes to a region or country that you'd never heard of before. he always tell you to pray for him, so he can come back to you alive AND intact.
✧ he wants three kids. and if that's too much for you, he won't complain either. he just thinks that three is a sweet spot for him.
hehe that's it! hope you enjoy this as much as i do.
━ sincerely, hardknifeplays.
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nupurhfsoft · 2 years
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Some exciting features of our software:
Balance Sheet
Profit & Loss Statement
Trial Balance Report
General Ledger
Sales And Accounts Receivables
Accounts Payable
Cash and bank Management
Mass Data Management Capability
Leading-Edge Security
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Offline And Online Version
And Others Facilities 
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ghettogirly · 3 months
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how do you think armando would react if y’all had the most passionate sex and you left in the middle of the night, acted like nothing had happened at work
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𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍:
-> synopsis. you and armando had the best night, yet, why do you still choose to pretend to not feel the same?
-> pairing: 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐗 𝐅𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐂 “𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐀“
-> warning: heavy smut, slight dumbification, mix of bodily fluids, unprotected sex (wrap it up!!), angst, mature language, Selena is really annoying, Minors DNI.
-> authors note: thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! this is probably my proudest work yet. If anyone wants to be apart of my taglist, comment below.
𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆: Screwin - Summer Walker ft. Omarion.
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[🕷️]
𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄
𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐊 and red roses slowly glided off the duvet as he moves up and down, matching the male’s thrusts into the helpless girl beneath. Triads of gasps and moans filled the room as the two made love, slaps echoed throughout while the two lovers’ skin connected with each other.
The connections created a white ring around the latino’s cock, caused by the mix of juices between the woman and him. Selena’s back arched as she gripped on the man’s broad shoulders, giving him small, red scratches that would probably lift up by tomorrow.
“Fuck… just like that.” She breathed, running his hands through his hair as he continued to thrust into her.
“You like that?”
Selena doesn’t even have time to answer, the man diving into her neck. Kissing her soft, melanated skin while he leaves a trail of burgundy marks. He quickens his pace, pushing his whole length inside of her, bottoming her out causing her to whine out in pleasure and a little bit of pain. “Ohhh, fuck!”
“You’re taking me so well baby..”
He laughed at your whining, enjoying seeing you lose yourself further and further for him, seeing yourself get frustrated. “You’re so fucking wet..” biting her earlobe ever so gently as he speeds up his pace. His cock pistoning in and out of you cashing him to grunt, losing the ability to control himself more and more.
“Oh fuck baby, please please please..” Selena babbles, the pleasure now being the only feeling there as it clouds her mind. This being the only thing now controlling her cognition and behaviour.
“Agárrate por mí, nena, ya casi estoy ahí..”
“I can’t, i can’t!”
A random act stops her continuous period of babbling, feeling something enter her mouth. It was his thumb, he quickly pulled it out, it making a small ‘Pop!’ sound while a string of saliva comes with it. Dropping on the woman’s exposed torso. Too blinded by the pleasure going on within her, she fails to recognise what he’s just done, until she feels it.
Wet trails of just saliva lead from the top of her vagina to the clit as he slowly presses on it and starts running gently. Armando wraps his one arm around your shoulders as he now continues to pound into the hispanic woman while circling her clit, sending shockwaves through her body due to the temperature play demonstrated by the man. The hot sensation of your clit contrasts with the cool temperature of your man’s thumb, causing them little hairs on your body to stand up, generating goosebumps. Selena’s jet black hair sticks to the pillow as the sweat generating from her head creates a glue type consistency onto the silk pillow behind her.
Her eyes roll back and she stops clawing on the males back, instead throwing her arms to the sides of her. The emotions of arousal causing her to submit to them being too much for the poor girl. Pulsating on the latino’s dick, her lips part. “I can’t wait, i need to..”
The man looks into her eyes. Her heterochromatic eyes stare right back at him. A connection of lust, passion, and weirdly enough, love. Leaning forward, Armando embraces her into a kiss, roughly attacking her lips like a wild animal chasing its prey. Not getting enough of her taste. The woman engages with it just as hard, seeming as if though, she does not want to let him go either. His thrusts become more erratic, clearly reaching his climax too.
“Let’s do it together baby, i’m going to cum in you so fucking bad. i need to-“
“Oh fuck!!”
Without warning, a rush of pleasure cascades down the light-skinned girl, causing her toes to curl as she releases all her juices on him. The woman’s orgasm elicited a sense of relief from the latinx male as he too begins to move faster, his skin slapping against hers before releasing his load into her. His pace begins to slow down, his hips still jolting but dying down ever so slightly. “te sientes tan bien nena..” Armando whispered to the exhausted woman below.
“I fucking love you.”
[🕷️]
𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 3 am in the morning. Selena looked to the left of her and saw a muscular arm over her stomach with the caramel toned male, nuzzling into her neck. His expression was unreadable but he seemed to be at peace with the slow, shallow breathing he did. Finally having a good nights sleep, the first in a while.
Still, even with the comfort of the man lying next to her, she felt ashamed to be here. Or yet, embarrassed. She slept with her boss’s son again. Only supposed to be a one time thing, yet, she foolishly agreed to be friends with benefits. However now, her feelings were involved. She was confused on what to do..
Sighing, she slowly removed his arm before throwing a shirt over her. Selena began to collect her things, guilt washing over her face as she looked back at the male.
He was still sleeping, his pink lips slightly parted as he begins to exhale out of his mouth too.
“I knew i shouldn’t have done this..” The woman whispered to herself, holding the silver crusted pendant that was hanging off her neck, the one Armando got her. Sadness began to creep down her as she basked in her thoughts, negative thoughts at that. “You’re leading him on, he deserves for you to tell him straight up.”
But, how was she leading him on if she loved him too?
How does she love him, if one day she pretends she hates him?
How do you love him if you feel like you’ve sinned after making love?
A deep voice suddenly breaks her train of thought as she hears a ruffle of sheets on the bed and someone clearing their throat. “What are you doing mamí..?”
Selena looks at him with regret filling her eyes, the brown iris now illuminating as the male turns on the lamp next to him.
“Armando..”
“¿De verdad estás huyendo de nuevo?”
“I am not running away. Don’t fucking insult me like that. We haven’t even established what we are, are we lovers, friends with benefits or am i just a girl you use whenever you’re bored!”
“I just fucking said i love you, dejar de tratar de jugar a la víctima. To think that the first time you did this i thought you was overwhelmed because of how sudden it was.”
“You could’ve just said that in the moment-“
“SHUT UP!” Anger boomed from his voice as he shouted, knocking the lamp over in the process as he looked at you with rage but love in his eyes. “Do not try and manipulate me just because you are confused with what you want.”
That silenced her. At a loss for words, she didn’t even bother saying anything else. Was she really manipulative?
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄. Not only was she ignoring Armando, still hurt about what he said, he was ignoring her too. Making her job easier, which only hurt her more. Was Selena upset because he was right? She loved him so much but why did she not show him that?
Every-time the group had to talk, they would sit apart from each other. Group celebrations were awkward too, Armando didn’t even glance at the poor girl, treating her as if she didn’t even exist. A game that she started, ended up being ran by the true player as she realised she could never beat him in his own game.
She noticed. As did everyone else too. It wasn’t until Kelly had to ask you what was wrong was where you just fell apart. “I fucked up so so bad Kelly. He hates me.” She sobbed into her hands, her hair a mess as sadness yet desperation hung over her head. All the other woman could do was comfort her as she cried into her arms.
Little did she know there was someone behind that door who heard it all.
However, footsteps trailed away from the door, leaving the love they had behind.
[🕷️] 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒:
“Agárrate por mí, nena, ya casi estoy ahí”-Hold on for me, baby, i’m almost there
“te sientes tan bien nena..”- You feel so good baby..
“¿De verdad estás huyendo de nuevo?” - Are you really running away again?
“dejar de tratar de jugar a la víctima.” - Do not try and play the victim.
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coachamakaadindu · 2 years
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Gaining with training in Internet Marketing Business Is 24/7 involvement.
Gaining with training in Internet Marketing Business Is 24/7 involvement.
Internet Marketing Is 24/7, Not A One-Time Stunt Team When you’re new to operating an Internet Marketing Business, it’s natural totake one look at the Web and become overwhelmed. So many sites! So manyoptions! Do you go for pay-per-click advertising? Online classified ad sites?Banner exchanges? Should you get a Website of your own? How? Where? Thequestions are endless—and it’s easy to…
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wilwheaton · 2 months
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I’m not surprised the Trump campaign is going there. I mean, they’re vicious degenerates and professional liars. But even more generally, campaigns put out lots of tendentious attacks. “Fair” isn’t part of the political campaign framework. But we should expect a lot better from the country’s leading dailies, especially charges directly from a campaign that contain so many red flags. Once a major paper picks up a hit and gives it credulous coverage it stops being a campaign attack and becomes a “story.” It’s a very specific kind of editorial decision. As I’ve explained in other posts, there’s been a growing push, especially at the Times but more generally, that Harris’s campaign momentum has been going on too long and needs to come to an end. Little question that fever played heavily into this editorial decision. And it’s not the first time. Let’s remember that the Times spent the better part of a year in 2015 and 2016 writing articles based on the hit book “Clinton Cash” which was funded by Steve Bannon. It’s a pattern.
Times and WaPo Jump On Board Trump Camp Swift Boating of Walz
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paradiseprincesss · 3 months
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heheheh request for my baby girl jackson 🎀 jackson hires a call girl because he’s lonely one night and wants to feel alive. however, neither of them expected to get attached and despite him trying to convince her that he’s bad for her (he literally confesses that he’s a killer) he keeps on calling her up again. he loves her but he doesn’t want to be with her, she loves him but she hates how she feels for him type of shit. then when one night he calls her, she’s blocked him anddddddd i’ll leave the ending up to you!
bonus points for angsty.
song - die for you by the weeknd
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i would die for you | jackson rippner
yes yes yes, anything for you my looooove! thank you for the wonderful ideas ily.
summary: jackson falls in love with you, a call girl, but he knows that this is bound to end in disaster. you feel the same way, so you two try to keep it strictly sex. however, one thing leads to another and feelings get involved.
warnings: smut, p in v, kissing, swearing, sex work, in general just smut and mature themes, mdni 18+ only
word count: 3.7k
masterlist
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jackson reached over to his bedside drawer, rummaging for his wallet as he caught his breath. his hands grabbed at his wallet, and he pulled out ten, crisp, one hundred dollar bills, handing it over to you. pulling up the duvet to cover your bare chest, you offer him a half-hearted smile as you take the cash from him.
"you only owe me eight hundred." you inform him, counting the bills carefully.
"yeah well, you're worth more than that." he says shrugging as he put his pyjama pants on and got up to shower. "thank you for tonight."
"you're welcome, i guess." you say quietly, watching him disappear into his bathroom as you hear his shower running.
you sigh with frustration and get up to get dressed as you collect your things, along with the thousand dollars you'd just made in one hour.
perks of being a call girl, i guess.
you and jackson had an arrangement, but you both knew it was much more than that. it started when one night, he had stumbled across an escorting service's website because he was feeling a little...lonely, though he'd never admit that. he put in a request for their top girl, and that's how he had met you. jackson was stunned when you showed up to his house for the first time — he wasn't expecting someone so beautiful and classy to be working in a business like that.
obviously, the sex was good — great, actually — for both parties. typically, you would go sleep with whoever was paying you, and you'd just act it up. you know, fake it 'till you make it. however, there was no need to fake with jackson rippner. the way he fucked you was delicious. his thick cock had you screaming and moaning for more, clawing at his back and shoulders; marking him up as he left love bites all down your neck and collarbone.
at first, yes, it really was just strictly sex. however, after maybe the third time you guys had hooked up, it was clear this was crossing the threshold of "just transactional."
there was undeniable chemistry between the two of you, and neither of you could deny it. the way he looked at you with his pale, icy, blue eyes as he fucked you sensually, and the way you moaned his name as he made you cum.
yeah, it was definitely more than just fucking, but both of you pretended not to notice it.
you did your part by taking his money and hurriedly leaving out his door as soon as he paid you, and he did his due diligence by...well, that was the problem — he wasn't. he continued to overpay you on a regular basis, compliment you in ways that seemed a little too intimate and personal, and fucked you in a way he hadn't even fucked his previous girlfriends.
don't get me wrong; he knew that he shouldn't have been doing this, but somehow he got flustered and couldn't help himself every time you came around.
he knew about your profession, but you didn't know about his. that's why it would never work — i mean, you were a hooker of all things, and he was a killer for hire.
not exactly a match made in heaven.
as you were about to leave, you thought twice about it. the sudden urge to talk to him about how you felt wasn't going away. so, hesitantly, you sit back down on the edge of his bed in the clothes you came to his house in, and scrolled mindlessly through your phone as you waited for him to finish his shower.
"oh, i thought you left." you heard his voice say as the bathroom door opened, causing you to turn around in slight embarrassment.
"sorry, um..." you say sheepishly, eyes glued to him as water dripped down his chest and a towel hung around his waistline (god, it was so hot).
"is something wrong?" he asked inquisitively, raising a brow at you as you got lost in those impossibly blue eyes of his.
"okay, um," you take a deep breath in, "correct me if i'm wrong, but sometimes i feel like we're — god, this is so embarrassing — um, i feel like there's something here. like, between us."
you feel your face burn as you finally brought up the topic you've been dying to talk to him about, and he sighs as he looks at you with an expression that you couldn't quite read.
"look," he says, coming to sit beside you, "i'm gonna be honest with you - i know that there's something between us, but if feelings are going to get in the way of our arrangement, we can just stop."
"i didn't say we should stop," you correct him, "i just...you know, wanted to see if i was just making it all up in my head? i don't know."
"you're not," he says, shaking his head, "but i think we both know it's wrong."
the conversation suddenly got very serious, very fast. you weren't really sure what to say to this. was he telling you that he had feelings for you? did he not want to see you anymore because you said something? as the thoughts and questions were compiling up in your brain, he brought you back to reality as he spoke to you softly.
"i'm just gonna straight up tell you that i've sorta developed feelings for you," he sighed, "but i think for both of our sakes, we should stop this. as much i don't want to, i really think we should."
"wait, what?" you say, frowning, "like, stop our um, arrangement?"
"i pay you to play pretend," he explained, "i pay you to pretend to want me, but in all actuality, i've started to develop fucking feelings and an...attachment to this fantasy. to the idea of you being mine or some shit."
it was almost scary how level-headed he could be in a moment like this. you wanted to tell him to shut up and just kiss him already, but it seemed that for him, his logic was taking the reigns right now.
"...i just told you i felt the same way?" you say with confusion, and he looks at you, taking in every word you were saying as if he was trying to detect any signs of dishonesty coming from you.
"i'd be saying shit like that too if i was getting paid." he said coldly, suddenly putting his walls up which hurt you a little.
"jackson," you say softly, "it's not about the money."
he doesn't say anything, but he stares at you in a way that makes you want to look away; he was so intimidating.
"maybe at first it was," you ramble on, "but for the last three months, i haven't cared about the money i just— i care about you. i don't know what else to say."
your confession had him speechless along with yourself, as you didn't expect to be telling your client you had basically fallen in love with him tonight.
"i'm no good for you," he says quietly, "i'm only going to hurt you."
"that's just what you think—"
"no, it's not. it's a fact." he cuts you off with a stern tone.
"do you love me?" you suddenly ask, feeling bold as the adrenaline rushed through your veins, but you regretted it as soon as the words left your mouth.
who asks their client that?!
"do i love you?" he asks with a scoff, "what kind of question is that?"
"a yes or no question." you say matter of factly, deciding to finally push the boundaries of whatever this was.
"i..." he tried to get his words out, but he couldn't. he couldn't say that he didn't love you, as much as he tried, because he did love you. "fuck, i— yeah."
you tried to ignore the way your heart started to beat uncontrollably as he said "yeah," and you bit your lip whilst thinking up a response. but before you could muster up the courage to say anything back, he started to talk again.
"don't tell me you don't fucking feel the same—"
"i do!" you say defensively, "of fucking course i do, jackson!"
"but that doesn't mean things can work between us."
"why not?"
"because—"
"because what, jackson?!"
"because i kill people for a living, okay? how the fuck do you think i can afford to pay you thousands of dollars a week?" he exclaimed back as his jaw clenched out of frustration.
that shut you up — you weren't expecting him to confess his love and the fact that he assassinates people for a living to you all at once. you couldn't find the right words to say, as you felt like any and everything you could say would just frustrate him even further.
"i'm gonna go," you say in a whisper, rushing to get up as he sighed from behind you, "maybe i'll see you around."
that night, you went home in silence. there wasn't a lot to say - shit hit the fan in a matter of seconds. the two of you just basically told each other that you'd fallen in love, but that it wasn't ever going to work because of external factors...
like the fact that he killed people for a living and you had sex with strangers to pay the bills.
you two didn't see each other for almost a week, but one warm, summer night on a friday, your phone started to go off. looking down at the caller id, you felt your heart start to race — jackson was calling.
hesitantly, you answer the call. "hello?" you say, wondering as to why he would be calling you not even a week after saying you and him had to "end."
"hey," he replies casually, "can we talk?"
how typical, you thought to yourself. "i thought you didn't want to talk," you say quietly, "you said yourself that this isn't going to work."
"yeah well, i say shit i don't mean all the time." he says cooly, and you rolled your eyes at his response. "come on, babydoll. i know you're thinking of me, too."
"don't play with my feelings," you scoff, "don't tell me you love me then tell me you don't want to be with me, then call me up again."
"first of all, i said we can't be together because of my job, not because i don't care about you," he corrects you, "and i just wanna talk about us. i've been thinking—"
"you said you're no good for me," you interrupt him, "don't send me mixed signals cause—"
"don't fucking start with that," he says, cutting you off in return, "you know i'm not the type to call about shit like this, or really talk about it, either."
"if you're going to be rude, i'm hanging up." you say, but he laughs softly on the other end of the line.
"relax, babydoll," he says softly, "come over, i just wanna talk, s'all. i'll pay you good, too."
"i am not fucking you." you scoff.
"for your time. god, calm down." he says, and you swore you could hear him roll his eyes over the phone.
"you don't need to do that," you sigh, "i'll come over in a bit, kay?"
"nine thirty?" he asks softly, and you agree before hanging up.
when nine thirty rolled around, you were dressed to kill — not literally unlike some people. just because you weren't going to fuck him doesn't mean you couldn't dress the part.
you pulled up outside of his home and you made your way to his doorstep; your high heels clicking on the pavement below you. he'd answered his door within seconds after you'd knocked, and he drank your appearance in.
"fuck, you look sexy," he said, biting his lip for a mere second, "come in."
"hello to you too, jackson." you say with a half smile as you playfully rolled your eyes, following him inside.
the moment you two were alone inside of his house, your hands were all over each other. of course, this wasn't supposed to happen — you were supposed to be "talking," but it seemed that neither of you wanted to face your feelings.
so, sex was the alternative. neither of you had to talk about your feelings or face the truth, and in the end, he got to cum and you got paid. it was a win win...kind of.
and this is how it continued for weeks. he'd call you up even though he swore that "this was the last time" every single time you two fucked, and he promised he was done with you and you promised you were done with him. he was in too deep, he knew he loved you, and you were too far gone — you knew you loved him, too.
he didn't know why he kept denying himself of being with you, and you didn't know why you allowed him to continue to drag the both of you down together. it was an awful thing, really. however, the cycle was never ending until one night, you decided you were through with it.
you decided your heart had gone through enough with him. this was supposed to be your job — you should have never let him string you along like this when you were falling in love. of course, you knew he felt the same way but you also knew he would never act on his feelings — he was too cold for that.
right?
so, you blocked him. you blocked his number and gave him radio silence, not bothering to give any explanation or second chances.
jackson hadn’t even realized you’d blocked him until his calls were not going through to your number, and his texts had turned green. he couldn’t believe you — the audacity!
of course, jackson was, well, jackson, and in typical stalker fashion, he had his ways of knowing absolutely everything about you, down to your exact address.
you were currently on your way home from seeing a client, and as you parked on your driveway, you noticed that the living room lights seemed to be on in your home. that's strange, you thought to yourself, i swear i turned off all the lights before i left.
you unlocked your front door, quietly making your way into your living room before letting out a shrill scream. you placed your hand right over your heart in surprise, "what the fuck," you huffed, "what are you doing in my house?"
jackson looked up at you from your couch with a smirk; he was always so cocky. "did you really think you could just block me, babydoll?" he cooed, getting up to approach you.
as much as you wanted to tell him off for literally breaking into your home, you also knew what he did for a living now. so, you figured maybe it was best not to argue with a potential serial assassin killer — he was trained in getting away with murder, after all.
"i can't keep doing this with you," you say softly, watching him as he towered over you, "i-i know you can, but i can't. it's just— i can't continue with you knowing that i, er, you know..."
"what, babydoll?" he says with a smirk, "come on, you can say it."
"knowing i, ugh, love you."
your words make him smile, and he places a hand on your cheek. "awe," he coos, "do you love me, babydoll? you just can't stop yourself from feeling this way about me? is that it?"
"jackson," you whined, but he pulled you in by your neck, "don't—"
"busy day, huh?" he says lowly, "how many guys did you see today?"
"ow," you whisper, "j-just one, we didn't even kiss—"
his grip on your neck became a little tighter, and he smirked down at you while your hands reached for his in an attempt to get him to let go. "well," he says softly, "consider that the last time you'll ever go out with another guy. fuck your job — you're mine."
gently, he lets go of your neck and decides to grab you by your waist instead, pulling your body flush against his. "what are you talking about?" you ask, resting your hands on his chest.
"can't you see what you do to me?" he whispered against your lips, giving you a gentle kiss before pulling away, "you wan't my love? fine by me, i'll give it to you, babydoll. but i don't share, and i'm never going to let you go."
the silence was eerie and the air was thick was tension, but you decided to throw caution to the wind that night.
"then don't." you whisper, and jackson instantly pulls you into a hungry kiss.
the two of you continue like this for a good while, making out against every wall in your damn house while stumbling up the stairs and desperately trying to get to your bedroom. between sloppy, heated kisses, and hands roaming over each others bodies, you finally make it to your bed (and what a miracle it was was). you straddled him on your bed as you push him onto the mattress softly.
he chuckles lowly, watching you throw your top off and revealing the gorgeous, hidden lace underneath. no matter how many times he'd seen this, he could never get tired of it — ever. his hands reached up to paw at your breasts, giving them a gentle squeeze.
"you're my girl," he sighs, "gonna show you off every fucking day, take you with me everywhere i go, every time i have a...job to do."
you giggle and help him take his suit jacket off, and unbutton his shirt along with slipping off his tie. once the two of you were fully undressed, just in your undergarments, he flipped you over so that your back was pressed into the mattress.
"say you fucking love me — say it." he growls, slipping your panties off in a rush.
"i do," you whimper, "i love you, jackson."
"good fucking girl," he groans, freeing his cock as the pre cum leaked from his pink tip, "who do you belong to?"
as he lined his cock up with your drooling entrance, you sighed, "you, i belong to you."
"that's right, babydoll." he tells you, finally pushing himself into you.
your back instinctively arches at the feeling of his fat cock filling you up fully, and even though he's fucked you on countless occasions, he always stretched your cunt out perfectly. your dripping hole was wrapped around his cock and he didn't wait a single second before setting a soft but deep pace.
"fuck, baby," he groaned, "look at how well you take my cock. it's like you were made to be my little whore."
his degrading (but also, really hot?!) words had you clenching down on him, causing both of you to let out choked moans. "you like it, don't you?" he asked, "you love being mine."
"yes!" you wailed out, "m-mhm! i love it, jackson, i love you!"
"i know you do," he cooed as he continued to push deeper and deeper into your cunt, "don't worry, babydoll, i love you too."
you whine as he continued to fuck you into oblivion, his hands coming to wrap around your leg as he hooked it over his shoulder. the new angle was mind-blowing in every way. so deep, so pleasurably painful.
you were already about to cum — but he didn't show any signs of stopping. "please," you breathlessly moan, "s-so close, ohmygod—"
"already?" he teases, "oh, babydoll. you needed to be fucked by me, didn't you? go on, show me how good my cock makes you feel."
you panted and moaned his name over and over again, and your eyes rolled back into your head. with your eyes closed, you couldn't see it — but he had the biggest, cockiest grin on his face as he watched you lose yourself from the way he was fucking you.
you couldn't find it in yourself to formulate any words as his cock drilled you senselessly, and all you could offer was broken, choked moans and breathily spoken pleas of his name. jackson was high off the way you were reacting to his very touch — he'd never seen you like this before.
usually, you two would have pretty rough sex, but this was something else. sure, it was rough but there was something else lingering in the air; love, perhaps?
yes — love.
"shit," he breathily spoke, "m'gonna cum inside- fuuuck."
as you were busy coming undone on his thick cock, he felt himself slowly tip over the edge, coming closer and closer to his own release. after a few more lazy thrusts, he was pouring himself into you with a low groan.
he pulled out after he was sure he'd filled your pussy up with every last drop of himself, and you could feel his cum dripping out of your spent cunt. he bit his lip at the sight of it — his sticky, warm fluids seeping out of your pretty pussy, mixing with your arousal. it was sending jackson into overdrive.
as he laid down beside you, he watched you closely as you crawled over and snuggled into his side. with a gentle sigh, he wrapped his arm around you tightly, holding you against him tenderly for once. jackson wasn't one to be very loving, like, at all. however, he couldn't deny that with you, he couldn't stop himself.
neither of you could take the pain of going without each other forever, and both of you knew you'd never find someone better because you were right for each other.
the silence in your bedroom was peaceful — not a word was said but all the love was there. neither of you had to say anything aloud for it to be understood.
and though it took some time for jackson to be able to articulate the feelings he was going through, once he did, there was no stopping him. you could never change his mind now — you were his, and he was yours. jackson would kill for you.
you could even say that he would die for you, too.
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@girlinterrupted505 @ciriceimpera @jordyn-yeager @thevelvetvampyre @galactict3a
@xanaxiii @nocturnest @bloodandglitter207 @humbuginmybones 
@oceanstem @futurefamousdeadmusician @jonathancraneslittlepet @dolleyednymphette @kpopgirlbtssvt 
@ll4n4 @ilovetoxicfictionalmen @the-buddy-things @ellebelleshelby @wiseyouthinfluencer 
@aprilsfrog05 @minedofmoria @strangeobsessed @5tud10-54r4h @franzine-xii
@stsrfujid
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crackedpumpkin · 1 year
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ʙʟᴀɴᴋ ᴄᴀɴᴠᴀꜱ || ᴘᴛ. ᴏɴᴇ ||
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[ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ] | [ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]
“If there is a god out there, please make sure my order isn’t missing any pickles this time.”
“Here ya go, extra pickles on the side,” Mr. Perez, the store owner, grunts as he all but flings a wrapped sub into your hands from behind the counter. You grab it with relative ease, undeterred by how oddly soggy the parchment paper is. It’s a slow day in the sub shop, with many of its usual customers absent. 
“How much?” 
“Five bucks.”
“How’s Didi?” You ask, fishing out a crumpled five-dollar bill in your pocket and handing it to him. You drop another into the tip jar when his back is turned, humming innocently when he faces you with a bag of small cookies.
“The usual. Slightly less of the devil incarnate lately, though. I think it’s because you’re coming over to babysit more often.” You take the cookies gratefully, a small note written in the ten-year-old’s messy scrawl glued to the side. You stash it away in your backpack, ensuring it doesn’t get crushed behind your sketchbook and pencil case.
“Is that y/n?” You hear the clatter of plates being shoved aside, Didi peeking out from behind the blinds that separate the storefront from the stairs that lead upstairs to their house. You smile but realize she won’t be able to see it through your cloth mask.
“In the flesh,” You grin, scooping Didi into a tight hug. You prop her on your hip, transferring the sub to your free hand as she giggles. “Have you made any new friends in school?”
Her lips purse into a pout, fiddling with your hair with sulky eyes. “No…They’re all stinky. Except for Maribelle, because she likes pickles.”
“Does no one else like pickles, then?” You ask curiously, Didi shaking her head. 
“Tommy and Jam like them, but they’re boys,” She informs you in complete and utter seriousness. You’re so tempted to comment, but you know that if you did, she’d sulk for at least half an hour.
“Jam?”
“Yeah, Jam.”
“Are you sure that’s his name?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright then,” You shrug, turning your head to the side so she can’t see the amused glint in your eyes. 
“Are you headed to the bank?” Mr. Perez asks offhandedly, cleaning one of his bread knives with a damp cloth.
“Gotta cash in the moolah,” You rub your fingers together in reference to the cheque that’s buried somewhere in the bottom of the heavy bag on your shoulders. You had recently finished a commission, and your client had tipped you generously, paying you an extra fifty bucks on top of the two hundred she was already paying. 
“Can I come? I wanna come. I’m going,” Didi demands as she braids a few strands of your hair. You look back at Mr. Perez for permission, the gruff man nodding in response. 
“Okay, but make sure you always stay with me, yeah?” Didi nods eagerly, kicking your side slightly as she points to the door. You leave the store with her in your arms, making your way to the bank. 
“Can we buy Legos?” You hum in thought, trying to decide how to reject Didi’s request without being too harsh. She tugs the beanie on your head, and it slides down to just above your eyes. You chuckle, using the back of your preoccupied sub-carrying hand to shift it back up slightly.
“Do you have enough money to buy some?”
“I got money!” Didi’s small hands search her pockets, patting down until she finds what she’s looking for. She pulls out a ten-dollar bill with a triumphant smile, eyes shining with anticipation as she looks at you. 
“Then we’ll buy some on the way back, yeah?” You offer, already seeing the money leave your wallet when you pay for the leftover cost of the Lego set.
“Hmm…Okay!” Didi agrees after a moment of thought, clapping her hands together and urging you to walk faster. You break into a slight jog just to tease her, soon reaching the doors of the large bank. 
You push past the huge glass doors with your shoulder, the sub still in your hands. You couldn’t put it in your bag, fearing it’d ruin your cherished sketchbook and, even worse, the crumpled cheque buried somewhere near it. 
You eye the long lines for each counter, groaning at the thought of a prolonged wait. You scan the hall, trying to find the shortest queue. 
There. You quickly join the line of people waiting, breathing a sigh of relief when you see a few more people join your queue right after you do. The bank is mostly quiet; the only sounds are fingers clacking away on keyboards and hushed conversations of bank account details. 
A trio of men wearing black cloth masks stand in a corner, furtively glancing around and having a hushed conversation amongst themselves. Two large bags are on the floor next to the shortest one, all three nodding at each other before the other two pick up the bags and head towards the door while the shortest approaches the information counter with another bag slung on his hip.
Huh. Maybe they have social anxiety. 
You watch them converse with the clerk, half your attention on Didi, who’s tugging on your hair while braiding it out of boredom. You spot the clerk smiling nervously in your peripheral, brushing it off as the usual horrible customer service interaction.
You focus on Didi instead, jostling her slightly in your arms. She yelps, lips pursing into a scowl when she’s disturbed from her concentrated braiding. You giggle, entertained by her reaction. You lean in, bumping your head against hers in a gentle tease.
The doors slam shut.
You flinch at the sudden sound, turning to see the two men from earlier at the entrance. Each stands in front of the doors, arms crossed with two large rifles in their hand as they quickly adorn ski masks. The man at the information counter now has a gun in their hands, pointing it up at the ceiling and firing a single shot.
The loud bang startles Didi, who instantly covers her ears, pushing her head against your shoulder with a small squeak. You protectively hold her close to you, ready to shield her body with your own in case anything happens. 
“Everyone drop everything, get down on the ground, and lift your hands now!”
You slowly sink to the ground, eyes never leaving the guns in their hands. This situation is the opposite of ideal. Being held hostage isn’t exactly part of your five-year plan for graduation. The doors are guarded by the guards, dark silhouettes blocking the sunlight.
“Hey! I said to drop everything and lift up your hands,” One of the robbers guarding the doors earlier points a gun straight at you with a glare. You look from the weapon to the sub in your hands, reluctant to let go. 
“I said, drop it!” 
You gingerly set it down with a defeated sigh. “You happy now?” You ask him with a scowl. He steps towards you, still aiming his gun at you as he picks up your sub and throws it to the side. It lands with a plop onto the dirty ground, now a ruined mess.
“Wha- My sub!” You complain with an offended gasp, now glaring at the man who just destroyed your dinner. You see the arch of his brow beneath his thin ski mask, exchanging a confused look with his accomplice.
“You do know this is loaded, right?” He questions with a wave of his gun.
“You just threw away a perfectly fine sub! It even had extra pickles!” You argue, still mourning the loss of your dinner. Setting down your sub you could deal with. But flinging it against the wall? That was absolutely uncalled for. “You’re a maniac,” You seethe, your jaw clenched as you shoot him the coldest glare you can muster.
You hear tiny sniffles and a loud hiccup from beside you, looking down to see Didi’s scrunched nose with snot dripping down it and tears streaming down her red cheeks. Her lips are pressed tightly together, but you know she’s about to start wailing.
“Hey, hey, Didi,” You call out to her gently, ignoring the robber that watches you intently. “Let’s play a game of patty cake, okay?” You offer, holding out your hands. She places her small ones in yours, and you curl your fingers to cover her own. 
“I’m scared,” She hiccups, her sniffles growing louder by the minute. You shush her with a reassuring smile, thinking of a way to soothe her. 
“Oi! You sure have a death wish, lil’ missy.” You hear the cock of a gun behind you, turning to see it being pointed straight at you. “I already said: hands up where I can see ‘em.” 
“Look, do you want to handle a wailing child that’s bound to attract attention? Or do you want me to calm her down so none of us get a headache?” 
After a moment of deliberation, he moves his gun down to his side. “I’m watching you,” He warns.
“Yeah, yeah, as if I’d forget.” You huff with a roll of your eyes, crossing your legs and sitting down with Didi in your lap. “Now, where were we?”
You continue playing patty cake with the trembling girl after coaxing her into removing her hands from her ears. The shortest robber, who seems to be the ringleader of the three, is preoccupied with getting the clerk to empty the enormous vault at the back, stuffing bundles of cash into the large duffel bags they had carried with them earlier.
It’s tense.
Everyone chooses to stay silent, their shaky hands and terrified eyes a pleasure to the thugs. You risk a quick glance around, wondering when the hell Spiderman would show up. Isn’t this in his job description? Was he even getting paid? 
Someone knocks on the door.
The two crooks guarding the doors turn instantly, pointing their guns at a familiar figure with their hands raised in surrender.
“Yo! I came here to negotiate, not to fight.”
They look to their ringleader for a response, the latter giving them a nod and gesturing to their guns warily. They nod at each other, hoisting their weapons closer to their chest and opening one of the doors. 
Before they can react, Spiderman drops to the floor, immediately kicking their guns out of their hands. They land on the floor with a clatter. “You should really think twice before opening the door for strangers,” He chides, nimbly avoiding a harsh blow from the two thugs surrounding him.
That’s a nice suit.
Your eyes automatically follow him as he swings, dodges, and takes out the robbers in mere minutes. He’s nimble, avoiding each blow and disarming the vicious crooks that threaten to fire. 
“One step closer, and she’s dead meat!” 
Didi’s body is grabbed from your arms, and you look up in horror as the robber that threatened you earlier holds his gun close to the small child. Tears are dribbling down her cheeks uncontrollably, choking on her stifled sniffles. 
“Woah, woah, woah,” The masked vigilante halts in his steps, hands raised up, “Threatening a kid? That’s not gonna look good on your record, man.”
“Then put your hands up, walk to the wall, and give up!” 
“Wait!” You scramble to your feet, freezing as soon as you do. The robber presses the gun barrel closer to Didi’s shoulder, an ice-cold grip of fear crawling down your spine at the sight. 
You can’t let her get hurt. You rack your brains, trying to figure out a good distraction for Spiderman to take action. “I-I’m pretty sure I’m gonna die, but I just have to say something.”
“Get down on the floor!” The robber shouts harshly, fed up with the kids that keep bothering his easy getaway. You slowly kneel back down, never breaking eye contact with Didi, whose cheeks turn redder by the second. You spot Spiderman’s finger slowly moving to press his web shooter, eyes darting between him and Didi. An idea takes form in your mind, but it’s risky.
You pause, swallowing nervously. “Didi… I’m the one that broke BunBun.”
She screams. 
The ear-splitting sound makes the robber wince, dropping her to cover his ears. Spiderman seizes the opportunity, using his web fluid to grab his gun and toss it away in the far corner of the bank. He immediately gets to work through Didi’s screaming, effortlessly capturing the last robber and throwing him aside in a cocoon fashioned out of his web fluid. 
You grab Didi, scuttling back into your corner of safety and trying to placate her. You gently rock her in your arms, letting her cry into your shirt. The collar is now soaked with her tears, and you’re beginning to regret confessing to the crime of having accidentally broken one of her favourite plates. You’d blamed it on the passing wind, and she bought it.
“Hey guys, y’all are safe now.” You look back up at Spiderman, who leans against the wall near you, scanning the crowd of relieved people who cheer for his bravery. He chuckles, casually shrugging as he tries to brush off the praise. He double-checks if anyone is hurt, his gaze lingering on you for a split second.
He gives you a brief nod and a friendly two-fingered salute, and you tiredly reciprocate the gesture with a still-crying Didi in your arms. His head moves back slightly in a wince (well, you’re pretty sure it’s a wince. You can’t really tell with his mask and everything.), and for a moment, you feel as though he’s sympathizing with you. 
He takes his leave through the glass doors, Spiderman-style, with his web-slinging skills and whatnot. You’re left with the aftermath of the police finally showing up, the crying child deterring them from asking you any further questions besides a short testimony.
“Didi, it’s over now. We’re safe.” You try to soothe her by gently patting her head and hugging her tightly briefly. You’re sure your shirt is soaked by now. It baffles you how a child has so much water in their system that they still sob even after half an hour.
It took an apology, three Lego sets, and a future promise for another at Christmas to get her to stop crying.
— — — — — 
The bed creaks noisily when you collapse on it with an exhausted groan, the sound a subtle sign of the old bed frame threatening to break any day now. The glow-in-the-dark stars glued onto your ceiling shines softly, the chilly breeze of Brooklyn gusting through your open window. You’d dropped off Didi on your way home, reassuring Mr. Perez that she was unharmed.
You shiver, getting up to close the window before hanging your beanie on the clothing hooks behind your door. You turn on the switch to the lamp on your desk, the warm yellow light coating your room with a cozy atmosphere.
Your stomach growls, a reminder of your delicious dinner having been a victim in the whole hostage situation from earlier. You sigh. Whatever. You’d grab a bigger breakfast tomorrow instead. For now, though, a simple protein bar from your snack drawer would have to do. 
You unwrap it and bite down, munching hungrily while grabbing your sketchbook from your bag and laying it flat on your desk. You flip the pages, eyeing the empty pages with distaste. Page after page of drawings that didn’t meet your standards make your heart sink. 
You finally land on an empty page and grab a pencil with your free hand. You tap the end onto the blank paper impatiently, trying to think of more inspiration for your next work. You’d been in a slump lately, and while commissions did give you some extra pocket money to go cafe hopping, it didn’t help much with your lack of artistic creativity.
Your hands itch to sketch out an idea. Anything would do. The only problem is that your brain can’t provide even a smidgen of inspiration. You huff, leaning back in your chair.
You sit up straight and scooch closer to the paper, hoping that maybe that’d trigger some form of idea.
Nope. Nothing. Nothing hits you. 
Maybe it’s the happenings of today as well, what with a gun being pointed at you and helping your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman take down those thugs. You grin, recalling how Didi’s scream had impacted the poor goon, lips tugging down slightly at the reminder of your now empty wallet.
You’d have to find another commission soon. 
Maybe Spiderman would want one?
You begin to doodle absentmindedly, the scratching of lead against paper a soothing sound that practically lulls you into a trance. You recall the red spray paint of a jagged spider against the black suit, the design of it so simplistic and yet representing his personality so well. 
You remember his quick nod to you and silly salute, a chuckle slipping past your lips. How did he look like again? His elbow was bent, and two fingers were placed on his forehead as he leaned against the wall. He’s relatively lean, you recall, and probably taller than you too. It’s difficult to gauge since you were in a rather sticky situation that called for hunched shoulders and hesitant movements.
Your hand moves as if it’s got a mind of its own, recalling the webbed pattern on his suit. You draw and draw, adding shading after a basic outline is done. Your mind is foggy, no other thoughts remain except to transfer your memory onto paper. 
Wow.
You stare down at what you’ve just drawn, taking in the overall sketch with a shaky exhale. It’s the best you’ve done in a long while, with all the details contributing to the final product. 
It’s exactly as you remember, having drawn Spiderman giving you that silly salute while leaning against the tiled walls. You’d even shaded his suit perfectly.
You’re breathless. Is this really your work? From your own two hands, no less? It’s probably a one-off thing, but boy, does it feel good. Maybe thinking about Spiderman is the main reason why.
You giggle at the entertaining thought, shaking your head. 
It’s probably just the adrenaline.
1K notes · View notes
purplelupins · 6 months
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Lamb
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Midnight Mass
Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI
Father John Pruitt/Father Paul hill x fem!reader
Word count:12.3k
Summery: An entire life of being a good girl was a difficult cross to carry...especially in a tiny town with 127 residents on a good day. You kept the town fed and spirits as high as you could, but when a new face steps off the afternoon Breeze, things around you start to change; you don't even know you're in the eye of the storm.
Warnings: nsfw, reader is religious, religious symbolism, ideology, explanations and general conversations of religion, age gap (like this man is 80 technically and he watched reader grow up, and can remember reader as a little girl so if that’s creepy to you then go no further), stalking, manipulation, murder (hello have you seen the show?), drinking of blood, hunting of a person, grief, description of animal death, reader is described as blushing, character death, non consensual help showering, guilt and god maybe more but I think that’s it…this is not really a fix it fic
Notes:
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
You were never a fan of when Beverly was given the opportunity to lead worship. You never felt fully untuned- half of the time it felt more akin to a scolding lesson in school than a reminder of Him. She liked to highlight “them and us” between believers and non believers of Crockett. Somehow she always managed to spin things into belittling those who didn’t attend church, and those days were always a little…tense. This was a time of worshiping and remembering God, not a time of a hierarchy.
“Here we are again. Back to normal. Funny how the pews empty back out once everyone has their ashes, isn’t it?” She paused as if to ridicule the non-churchgoers.
You pursed your lips as she continued, and found yourself looking at small details around the church. Chips in the paint, the crosses, the windows, Father Paul gazing at you-
Startled, you looked back to where you had just been looking and sure enough you caught the Father flicking his eyes away just in time as he bowed his head. You stared at him for a moment, but he was fixated on the rosary in his hand.
Had you imagined it?
You kept your eyes down for the rest of the morning, and ridiculed yourself for thinking the Father would look at you. Why would that be a thought that entered your mind? You didn’t even stop to speak with him after church.
If you had looked behind you, however, you would have seen the Father’s forlorn gaze flickering to your form during his conversations- distracted. He turned back to the islander he spoke to and flashed them a tight smile as they moved on and he spoke to the next person, but John felt a hollowness in his gut, and he wasn’t certain it was from hunger.
Even that night when John went for a stroll down the island like he used to, he stopped several yards from your house and forced himself to turn around. He muttered prayers under his breath the entire way back to the rectory, and knelt before the cross on his wall for another hour before he slept.
“Sheriff? Sheriff!” You yelled as you stepped off your bike at the marina the next morning. You needed a couple things from the Mainland, and had a short list you hoped Hassan would be able to get for you during his time there for his Friday prayer.
The man turned, hand on his hip, “Morning to you too.”
“I have a favour?” You gave him your best puppy dog eyes and clasped your hands in front of you.
Hassan rolled his eyes and huffed but you could tell it was a show, “Out with it.”
“I’m just out of a couple things for the shop and you can get them all at this store- I wrote the address down and the list and it’s close to the mosque you go to! Please? There’s some cash in there too.” You held an envelope out hopefully.
He stared at you for a long moment, then slowly took the paper from you, “This isn’t going to be a habit right?”
“Thank you! Thank you thank you, I promise it won’t.” You bounced.
He fixed you another look, but you knew he was smiling a little under that moustache.
“You’re the best!” You called to him when you hopped back on your bike, “Oh! This is for you.” You reached into the basket and retrieved a brown paper bag.
Hassan smiled a little.
“One muffin and a berry tart.” You returned his smile.
He relented. “Fine, fine. I’ll be back this afternoon.” He grumbled.
“Have a safe trip!” You called, “And hey, you really should wash that jean jacket, Sheriff or it might walk away on its own one day!” You quipped and began pedaling away.
Hassan shook his head. He liked having you around. You were a breath of fresh air amongst the stale islanders, and he hoped he could call you a friend one day.
You knew you were cutting it close for Mass, so you sped your way across the island and up the hill to St. Patrick’s where you were happy to see still a few people filing in. You laid your bike down beside the church and jumped up the steps to go and find your spot. One of the perks of a small town was every person had their spot that they sat in- you never had to fight over it.
Your shoulders deflated slightly when Bev took her place atop the pulpit and began the service. “Our responsorial psalm today is Psalm 27. “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom then shall I fear?”.”
“The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom then shall I be afraid? When evildoers came upon me to eat up my flesh, it was they, my foes and adversaries, who stumbled and fell. Though an army should encamp against me, yet my heart shall not be afraid. And though war should rise up against me, I will put my trust in Him. One thing I have asked of the Lord, one thing I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord, all the days of my life.” Her reading was simple and dry. You found your eyes glazing over, waiting for the Fathers homily.
Then you mentally slapped yourself. This was a time of worship, it didn’t matter if it was boring. You had grown used to the vivid approach he always took during Mass. You laughed a little to yourself when you thought you were a little addicted to it.
As if someone could become addicted to a preacher…don’t be ridiculous.
You remained seated, and watched as Father Paul approached Leeza first for the Eucharist. You liked that he carried on the tradition of serving her first since the accident, even though he wasn’t there. The amount of respect and care he had for the islanders was so selfless.
“Body of Christ, Leeza.” The good Father murmured just as he always did. So gentle.
“Amen.” She said, cupping her hands out.
Silence fell over the church then. You felt confusion fill you when he stopped just a couple steps away from her, and then even took a few steps back.
“Come on. Body of Christ.” He repeated, beckoning her with the wafer.
“Father, what are you doing?” Wade chuckled nervously.
You looked over at Erin, and she had the same look of slight horror that you did. What was he doing? Surely he didn’t think this was a joke.
“Body of Christ.” He repeated.
“What are you doing?” Wade asked again with more of a bite.
Leeza directed her chair to move forward, but Father Paul only stepped back further.
“No. No.” He muttered, and stepped up the stairs of the pulpit.
The worshipers around you began to murmur. You felt pressure start to build in your chest. Anxiety and ire weighing heavy in your stomach the longer he stood there out of her reach. Was he sick? What was he doing?
“Come on. Body of Christ.” Now his voice echoed in the space as he called the girl up to him. Relentless.
“No, stop it.” Erin snapped as she stood, “That’s cruel.”
“Come on.” He repeated, still calm.
Dolly got up and knelt by her daughter, trying to comfort her, “Leeza, honey.” Then she looked up at the pastor and her eyes were like ice, “What is wrong with you?”
“Father Hill enough.” You spoke- emotion making your voice shake.
But still he only stood and waited for Leeza.
You watched Wade stand with his family, each person growing more and more defensive and outraged, “If this is a joke, Father, it’s not funny. I…”
But then, it was as if all air had left the church- all sound gone too. You didn’t know what it was that you were seeing, and you were terrified to blink lest it go away. All horror you felt sunk into the Earth and your head felt light.
Leeza was standing. Freely.
“Leeza?” Wade asked in disbelief.
A woman across from you fainted as she stood.
Your ears felt all prickly and your fingers felt numb.
You could still remember when the accident had happened. How devastating it had been. Hell you used to walk with the Scarboroughs some nights when they went as a family.
Dolly was a mess for almost a year…now they only managed.
Leeza took a step, and then another, and then she was stepping up the stairs and you felt tears start to well in your eyes as you stared up in shock. You couldn’t blink.
“Body of Christ.” Father Hill said once more, and placed the wafer in Leesa’s hands.
“Amen.” She said, voice wavering.
You released a breath, and tore your eyes from Leeza to look up at the Father. He was watching her with such kindness and pride in his eyes as she turned and walked into her parents arms.
Who was he? How could…how could he have known?
Murmurs filled the church as people praised God and crossed themselves.
But you could only see how Father Hill began to sway and cough. He caught himself on the alter, but then pushed himself towards the back door into the vestibule. Your blood began to run cold with worry as he almost ran out of view.
You would have run after him yourself if Bev hadn’t.
Your head was spinning and you felt disconnected from your body.
You didn’t know what to think or do, so you wordlessly walked to Leeza and embraced her. She held you and wept into your shoulder.
You felt your heart.
It hurt.
Ached.
You walked with the Scarboroughs into town to see Dr. Gunning, and kept quiet to let them speak to one another. Disbelief and awe coloured their words as they encouraged their daughter.You kept one arm under Leeza’s while Wade had the other; they talked, and talked until your face hurt from smiling, and you were helping her up the steps to the doctors house.
It all seemed so…miraculous.
Such a God given gift.
Once Leeza was inside safely, you quietly backed out and waved them off. You began your way to your shop, and the entire walk was within a blink of an eye. You might have looked calm and thoughtful from the outside, but oh your mind was churning.
How? How? You could still remember seeing Leeza for the first time after the accident. How broken her and her family was.
You remembered all the specialists they saw and all the visits they made to the mainland. How some visits left them hopeful but most left them even more lost and helpless than the last.
You knew they barely afforded groceries now because of the bills.
Now, you didn’t know if you should weep out of joy or fall to your knees and vomit. It was as if someone you loved had risen from the dead…certainly it was wonderful but somehow you felt a little weary.
Perhaps it was years of empty promises after the oil spill…
You didn’t even remember doing deliveries that day. But somehow you finished them. News travelled quickly- by the time you had been halfway through people were talking to you about little Leezas recovery. You didn’t remember talking much, only saying what a miracle it was. You were back at your shop, just hopping off your bike when you realized you had completely spaced out the entire time.
How?
How…
How did he do that…
It seemed as if something had taken root in the island and had begun changing the chemistry of everything attached to it. First the good moods, now Leeza was walking down Main Street like nothing had happened.
But then when you walked home, you realised how deeply you were dissecting the wonderful event. You wondered if you had become a sceptic without even knowing. Were you so cynical to Gods powers that you questioned his will?
You sat on the edge of your bed, staring down at the rosary in your hands. The little cross glinted in the darkness.
Faith…
Did you lack it?
Had you begun to loose it?
Were you so ungrateful?
You felt tears prickle at your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You needed guidance, not tears. With a heavy heart, you sunk to your knees and began to pray.
It took a full week for you to muster up the courage to ask the Father for an appointment later on Saturday afternoon. Your day to yourself, and your time to relieve your consciousness. Your day to work on yourself.
Which was why you stood on the rectory’s doorstep, fidgeting.
A part of you told you that you were being needy. Selfish. That you just needed to get your head on straight and that you didn’t need to worry the Father with you being self-centred. That if this had been Father Pruitt you wouldn’t have bothered but for some reason you were more willing to see Father Hill.
You knocked, and didn’t have to wait long before the door was being opened. Father Hill stood there with a welcoming smile, “Right on time.” He said, “Come in, y/n.”
You nodded and quietly entered the small house. It felt so strange to be there alone with him. Not uncomfortable just…odd. Like you were somewhere you shouldn’t be.
“Sit, please.” He gestured to the couch, and dragged a chair over from his desk over to sit in front of you.
You perched on the edge, and folded your hands in your lap, “Thank you, Father…I- I know I was a little vague when I asked you to do this…but if I’m honest I’ve always disliked the confessional booth. I’m um…a bit claustrophobic.” You admitted.
He chuckled a little and shook his head, “No apology needed. Sometimes that anonymity that comes with a confessional isn’t right for every confession. I told you I was here when you needed and I meant that.”
His honesty and understanding put you a little at ease. Your nerves were still very much there, though. There was no backing out of this now, so you took a deep breath.
“Have you…have you ever had difficulties with faith, Father?” You asked, eyes flickering to his white collar for half a second.
John admittedly was not expecting that from you. If the implications were that you were having difficulties with faith, then he was surprised. Regardless, he nodded.
“Certainly…we’re all human, even me, and we are made to have ups and downs no matter how dedicated we are to our Lord.” He said gently, resting his elbows on his knees.
You stared back at him, hard. You knew you were ridged. You hadn’t opened up to a soul about this turmoil you had begun to feel, and you hoped to God that Father Hill was the right person to hear you.
You clenched your hands against each other, and put your trust in him.
“I think…I think I’ve become…” you swallowed again when your throat became tight.
Be straightforward.
“I think I’m losing my faith, Father…” you pursed your lips, “It might sound silly for me to say that because you see me at church every day and I’m committed to the community, but I think that I’ve been losing my true love for my faith for a long time…” you whispered. Hearing it out loud made tears start to well in your eyes. You didn’t know why exactly, though perhaps it was the sense that you had failed yourself, your family, your community and your God.
“I’m here with you, y/n…keep going.” He took your hand, and gazed at you, encouraging you.
You took a tight breath.
“It’s just always been a part of my life- getting up and going to Mass and praying before bed and reading the Bible and being a good girl who doesn’t ask too many questions and puts everyone else first and keeps her head down…” you could feel tears start to fall.
“I never really thought about it but…it’s been a couple years now and…it just gets heavier and heavier and I don’t want that burden.”
You bit at your bit as you let everything out, “I read a lot. The internet connection out here is horrible but I’ve done a lot of research on the Bible to try and deepen my understanding and I just find myself tripping over questions, and holes that don’t have answers…things that have been added only a few hundred years ago and things that have been forgotten or omitted…I’ve never even mentioned this to anyone…I think they would assume I was joking because it’s just…a part of who I am. Who I’ve always been…”
You slowly looked back up to Father Hill, and found him watching you patiently. Non-judgemental, just waiting for you to have your time.
John slowly reached out and took your hands in his. You were hanging onto his every move, and he took your silence as a cue to speak.
“Ma-may I?” He asked, and you nodded, “This isn’t about God.”
You blinked. You weren’t expecting that.
Father Hill started again, elaborating,“You feel you’re losing your faith, but I think what you’re losing is yourself. Your sense of self…so much of having faith is endurance and I know you have that. You have faith, young lady and I know you won’t let anything take it from you. You know how I know?” He asked you.
You shook your head.
“Because you’re afraid.” He whispered, his large thumb rubbing your knuckles gently.
You let a tear fall as you held his gaze.
“Because you came here. Luke said “His mercy extends to those who fear him.” And I think that is exactly what will happen for you. I think your fear of God is just a testament of your faith. And I believe you will be granted a great mercy.”.”He said passionately, “But I think what you are truly going through is a need for guidance in yourself.”
You stared at him for a long moment. Perhaps a full minute.
Another tear fell.
Then another.
Then many.
Until you couldn’t see and your cheeks were soaked.
“Shh…shh, that’s okay, I’m with you…shh.” He cooed to you, “I’m here to help…” the Father scooted a little closer.
You nodded, trying to get a hold of yourself, “Sorry-I’m sorry-“
He squeezed your hands.
Had he been holding your hand this entire time?
You took slow shaky breaths until you could speak again.
“I love everyone here…and I do love my life here. It’s simple and fairly easy…but…I can’t help but feel I’m missing something. Like I pretended to be some expectation for so long that now it’s become me and I don’t know how else to be. But realising it is so much worse than just living that way. Delusion is an amazing thing.”
Father Hill sat still for a moment as he thought. “I think being honest will help that turmoil you feel. Nothing too out of your comfort zone but…just enough that you feel truer to yourself…I have been where you are…many years ago. Just as many have.” His voice lulling you into a state of calm.
You looked up at him, eyes starting to dry.
“I had an older sister…” he said gently, “She passed when I was 8…and her death was why I began to look at God and his divine plan and that was where I found my faith. I questioned why and how her death fit into everything and how her death was justified by Him and…in that quest to grieve and find answers, I found some, but I also found God. You are on a similar journey right now and you will find what you’re looking for. It might even be given to you when you least think it will come to you…it may even hurt at first but in time I think you might grow to see it as a revival.”
His words settled into your head, and you sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. One last tear fell, “Thank you, Father Hill.” You smiled.
The older man reached up and gently wiped that last tear away and patted your hand, “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you…” he murmured.
You nodded, and sniffled.
“I’ll make some tea.” He said, and stood after one last reassuring look at you. Somehow his calm seeped into you and your body welcomed it like it was made to. Your shoulders were relaxed as was your jaw. You felt at peace with having gone to him.
John needed a moment away from your proximity. It was a miracle he could keep his composure as you sat there- shooting pains rocked his stomach as hunger brutalized his body.
“I noticed St. Patrick’s has been fuller…” you murmured, wanting to direct attention from you.
“Ah- yes well it seems little Leezas recovery has reawakened the faith of many.” He agreed, regaining a steady voice.
“The island has had a religious revival Father,” you said as he returned with two cups of tea, “The only thing that’s changed…is you.” You looked up from the cup in your hands to gage his reaction. It had indeed been something you noticed, as had many people especially after Leeza…
He tapped the edge of his cup as he took a seat beside you on the couch.
You tried to give him the nudge to speak just as he had for you, “You don’t know what it was like before…I haven’t seen people so engaged in sermons before. You…you have a true gift. You have helped to resurrect this island, Father Hill.”
“I’m glad you see it that way.” He smiled a little.
“You help people everyday.” You turned to look at Father Hill directly.
“So do you.” The man shrugged nonchalantly.
Your nose scrunched a little, “Not really…I try to support my community, but I don’t know about helping.”
“No- no. You do, don’t deflect- you do,” Father Hill shook his head, “You know you do too but you’re so used to it that it’s second nature. That’s a blessed attribute to have.” He insisted, “Especially since things haven’t exactly been easy here since that oil spill. I can only imagine…”
You pursed your lips.
“It’s been…difficult. It’s better now but it was horrible for a long time. I just…” you looked down at the warm liquid in your cup, “I believe you can’t wait for life to be easy before you decide to start helping the people you love.” You muttered.
John felt his heart tug- this time not out of pain. It was a tug of sorrow. As he gazed at this young woman beside him he began to feel as if the two of you were kindred spirits of some kind. You both shared a look, and John found that he had come to understand you a little better, and he began to understand why you were the one he saw first that day on the dock.
You parted ways with the Father sometime later into the evening. It had been a little odd how he had almost ushered you out as soon as he had noticed the darkness outside. He had said something about not wanting a young woman like you being outside at night. You had almost laughed at how old he had sounded.
John had caught the tug of your lips that you hid by ducking your head down. He liked that you smiled around him- that you weren’t afraid…
It would make everything so much easier. You are already to receptive to his guidance…
You left the rectory that night feeling as if something had taken root in you too. Perhaps it was the Fathers spirit of hope settling into your sinew and melding with your blood that had you feeling a little more…looked after.
Cared for.
Seen.
You felt as if you truly were not alone. Like he was always with you even as you walked home.
After your confession, you found yourself bumping into the Father often in town. On a few occasions he walked you home after your working day was done if he happened to be in the area, and you even stopped by the rectory to borrow a book. You found a deep solace being near the preacher, and in your need for a cure to your listlessness, you didn’t even stop to think if you were following his word or God’s.
His sweet, compelling, passionate words that seemed to evoke such a vivaciousness in you.
You started bringing batches of baked goods on Sundays too. Nothing extravagant, but something for the worshipers to enjoy after. There was something in you, pushing you to do better, but on your own terms. Doing it for your own pleasure and not the pleasure of others.
You noticed how that laughter from the potluck was now a common thing. Smiles were normal. You heard people joking, and going for evening walks and morning jogs. Kisses and hugs.
Was there something in the air?
But while you were enjoying your new outlook on life, John could not be more worried for you. It had been two weeks now that he wasn’t able to give you the sacrament. He had tried once more after your first comment but he heard you say something to Bev about it.
Certainly you had a little of the gift in you…but it wasn’t enough. Perhaps a tablespoon. Only enough to make you feel a little brighter, but not enough to…to change. Revive.
He was at a loss.
But the more he prayed, the more he came to realize that perhaps it wasn’t your time. It would come. He knew it would. It had to. And when it did you too would be blessed…even if he was the one to bless you himself.
“Three weeks ago, when we began this journey of repentance, I asked those of you were here to keep a few words in mind. Rebirth, second chances, eternal life. That's a lot to wrap your head around, isn't it? I can barely visualize next week, let alone eternity, But, I mean, for most of us, eternity, it’s an abstract. It’s a metaphor, a colorful exaggeration. When we’re waiting for something we want, it takes forever.We sit in traffic for an eternity. Abstracts, metaphors, colorful exaggerations. To us, maybe, but not to God. Not to Him. ..” he said thoughtfully, “And it shouldn’t be for us, either. Communion, the transformation of bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. A metaphor? No,” he slapped the pulpit, “God tells us. Miracles, walking on water, rising from the dead. Abstracts? No.” He slapped it again, “God tells us. Eternal life, a colorful exaggeration?”
You heard Wade say “no”, and the verbalisation made you jump a little. No one usually spoke.
“No? That’s right. You call it out.God’s gifts are as tangible as the ground beneath our feet,” he stomped the pedestal, and you jumped again.
“And His covenant, it’s not abstract. No. It’s a contract, scrawled in flesh, inked in the blood of the martyrs. And yet, try as we might, we cannot visualize, we cannot mentally picture the rewards promised…” you noticed him fan himself for a moment, and you were suddenly snapped from your trance.
Was he alright?
“Well, if you’re here seeking to know answers to the unknowable, it’s incumbent upon me to tell you that I have none. And if you want to know why or how God’s will shapes the world, brothers and sisters, so do I. I don’t have all the answers. Nobody does. What I do have though, and what God gives us plentifully, are mysteries.God gives us miracles very rarely, here and there, but mysteries?…”
Your worry began to grow when the Father stopped all together. He seemed to adjust himself where he stood, though somehow he still didn’t seem quite right.
“Sorry. Um…As… adults, we tend to dislike mysteries. We… We feel uncomfortable not knowing.No. To be a child. To look with awe and wonder, and live with staggering honesty. To be guiltless, light as air. To bend softly as the word of God sweeps…” he speech began to grow almost wandering. As if he wasn’t entirely lucid…almost like the old Monsignor-
John felt his stomach twitch with pain as he stood before his growing flock. He could barely see let alone think as his body seemed to betray itself.
“I’m very sorry. I’m…Sorry, I’m just a little bit tired today. A tiny dizzy spell. It’s passed. I’m fine. Sorry. I’m very sorry. Um…The more that we know, the less we bend. The more brittle we become, the easier to break. Like some would say this island broke. Was broken. But I am here to tell you…the resurrection, body and soul, the redemption, body and soul, the miracles waiting for us here on Crockett Island. Not metaphors, not abstracts, not colorful exaggerations, no. Rebirth, second chances. Eter…”
You watched in horror as Father Hill tumbled to the ground with a thud. There was a rush to help him, but your mind seemed to click into gear when you quickly grabbed one of the phones left on a pew and dialled Dr. Gunning’s office.
She barely got a word out before you; your voice shook as you spoke quickly, “The- Father Hill- he’s collapsed, please come up to the church, Doctor.” You rushed out.
“Calm down, calm down, is he breathing?” She said, calm as ever.
You stood quickly and rushed over to the crowd. Without a thought, you knelt beside the Father and placed your ear on his chest.
“What on earth-“ Bev started to ask, from her spot beside you, but you didn’t pay attention as you sat up again and put the phone to your ear.
“Yes he is.” You said.
“I’ll be there soon. Get him some air if he wakes up.” She sighed.
You nodded, and hung up.
“Well?” Bev snapped at you.
You blinked, “Dr. Gunning- She’ll be here soon…water- uh can- can someone get some cool water and a towel please?” You tried to think of anything you could do to help in the meantime.
Someone started to go, but it seemed Bev wanted to be involved. “I’ll get it.” She huffed and disappeared from your side.
Wade crouched beside you, and checked over Father Hill. He looked over at you and you gave him a reassuring smile. “I think the Father could use some air, Mr.Mayor.”
He nodded and looked up that the distressed crowd.
“It’s alright everyone. If he could get some room please? He needs extra air…Sturge could you open the door please?” Wade asked.
The man in question nodded and did as he asked while the townspeople began to disperse.
Bev returned a moment later and you took the cloth from her and dampened it from the bowl of water.
“Thank you…” you mumbled, then very gently began to dab at Father Hill’s forehead, then at the skin peaking out from his chasuble around his neck.
A few minutes passed with Beverly fussing in the background, but slowly you noticed his colour returning, and eyes start to flicker until they opened slowly. You felt relief fill you up and you sighed.
John gazed up at you and he swore there was a halo surrounding your head as you sat over him. Your brows scrunched in worry, but your watchful eyes gazing down at him.
“Glory be…” Came his whisper.
You looked down at him and wiped his brow once more. The man blinked a few more times then went to sit up, but several hands rushed to keep him down.
“Slowly, Father…slowly.” Someone said.
You helped the Father rise up to sit, and dabbed the back of his neck. “You passed out Father.” you said.
“I’m sorry- so sorry…” he nodded. grinding his teeth slightly when a wave of pain hit him, “I’m…uh not sure what’s wrong with me today.” He said as humorously as he could, though both he and the islanders knew there was nothing to joke about.
Even as you watched Sturge and Wade help him into the rectory with Sarah and Bev, you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something gravely wrong with him. Not that you have ever exactly noticed anything…but certainly there were times where he seemed to almost clench, and work through a minor pain- covering it with a cough or stretch. Things that were so barely there you wouldn’t even think twice.
While that day was your day to yourself and the shop was closed, you found that you were listless. Worried, curious. Fretting.
So silly really.
You mindlessly baked a batch of muffins, and remembered halfway through how much the Father liked them. On more than one occasion he had stopped by to purchase a few.
You put a few in a container, and set out on your bike across the island. You hoped he was doing well… if he didn’t answer you were content with just leaving them on his stoop, though you found yourself wanting to see for yourself that he was alright.
You leaned your bike by the church, and strode over to the rectory. It was still afternoon, and you hoped you could catch him before he went to the Gunnings. You thought it was so sweet that he did that for Mildred.
You knocked, and waited. It was quiet for a long moment, then the door opened slowly. Father Hill stood before you disheveled. His top button was undone, collar missing, and his hair looked to have been brushed back with his fingers.
“Oh- y/n please…come in.” He moved aside.
You looked to the side then slowly walked into the small home. It was cozy and simple. It felt warm. “I’m so sorry for bothering you father…I’m sure you’ve had plenty of people coming by to check on you…” you trailed off, looking for a spot to but the container down.
“Nonsense…I was hoping you could come actually…” he said quietly, gingerly perching against the edge of the kitchen counter, “I wanted to thank you.”
That caught you off guard.
You blinked, and shook your head, “What for?”
“For extending that helping hand of yours to me. It was a joy to be helped by you. A blessing- you are a uh, a blessing.” Father Hill stared back at you like he meant every word he said and more, though you couldn’t help but notice the slightly delirious stare he had.
You hadn’t expected anything like this when you had set out to drop off the muffins still in your hands, but you found yourself growing warm at his praise.
“I-well I just…-“
“Just what? Did what anyone would do?” He cut you off, smiling a little wearily.
“Yes…”you admitted.
“And did anyone else do what you did?” He prodded, head tilting so slightly to the side.
You looked down, then back up at him, and shook your head.
“And now you come here again to my aid with something that is not a casserole you see you truly are just wonderful.” He smiled a little more, and you did too, and laughed.
“Ah… the Crockett islanders at their finest. If ever you’re sick you will have at least a few of those in your fridge by night fall.” You joked, though it was true, “I- um I remember you liked those muffins that I made last week and I was worr- I made some extra and thought you might like them.” You caught yourself.
“Thank you, dear girl…” he said, but winced when he went to say something else. You placed the container down on the counter beside him and gently put your hand on his arm.
“Father? Are you feeling dizzy?” You asked.
“I- I am just a little…” he admitted, blinking a few times to get through the fog.
“I’ll help you to your room. Rest for a while, alright?” You took his arm and slowly directed him to the back of the rectory where you assumed he slept.
“I’m fine…just tired.” He tried to reassure you.
“I’m sure you are Father.” You walked him to the edge of his bed, and sat him down, “Rest. I’m sure you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“You’re a good girl, y/n, thank you. You’ve made this adjustment blessedly easy.” He told you, staring up at you.
You saw something in his weary gaze then. You didn’t know what it was. But you somehow noted it in your mind.
You squeezed the hand of his that held yours, “Rest, Father. God willing, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Father Paul nodded, “You will.” He smiled weakly.
You released his hand, and gave him a small wave before leaving the small house. You felt sorry for the man being all alone there, but you were sure Bev would be by to pester him soon if she hadn’t already.
Then as you picked your bike up, you heard the crunching of gravel under shoes. You looked up to see the very woman. “Hello Bev.” You called to her.
“Ah, y/n. I do hope you haven’t bothered Father Hill too much.” She smiled tersely.
“Not at all. Just dropped off something that wasn’t a casserole.” You smiled a little more genuine.
“Well, thank you for your contribution. Very kind.” With that she turned and began to walk past you. You half considered telling her he was resting, but you knew it wouldn’t deter her. You sighed, and peddled away.
Another shift had begun around you. Off balanced.
You noticed it in small things.
Not necessarily bad, but not especially good. Less and less wildlife hummed around the bushes and trees, and you noticed how there was such a divide between the attitudes of church goers and non. Conversing with someone who didn’t attend now felt like a bucket of cold water in comparison to those who you saw regularly. Like there was a bubble around the parishioners. And you weren’t certain you liked that.
Your worry only deepened when you went to Mass the next morning only to see that it would be candelled that day. A frown tugged at your mouth, though you tried to not think too much about it. The Father was ill, you knew that. It was nothing else but that.
It wasn’t as if you knew that the very man was dodging the gaps in the curtains to look out at his flock returning to their homes and jobs without their daily Mass. And of course there you stood- a worried look muddling your beautiful face.
Had you always been so pretty?
Vibrant.
A halo around your hair where the sun caught it.
John watched you back away from the church, though he saw you clench and unclench your hands and look to and from the church to the rectory. You wanted to check on him. Such a dutiful lamb.
Something visceral in him made him nearly open the door and call you inside. Beckon you to him. Just as he felt that need there was an ache in his mouth like he needed to bite, hard. A side affect to…to dying he supposed. He put his trust in God but this hurt was unbearable.
John prayed and wept and doubled over as he accepted and waded through the pain. The bulk of it finally subsided by the evening. It seemed almost as if as soon as the sun had gone down his body relaxed.
Just a little.
Enough to make himself look presentable, and step out from his front door no matter how nervously.
Like his body knew he was safe with the sun down. No more burns.
As he strode across the island, John found himself marvelling at the new-found beauty around him. Living halos of light around the stars, and lamplights. Colours and smells and sounds he had never experienced. He could almost feel the earth breathe.
Seeing Millie in her home that night was something special. She remembered him. Saw him. He could have weapt just by seeing the look of recognition on her face. Feeling her hands hold his and that smile. John’s heart ached.
As did his stomach. Painfully.
So hungry.
John hurried along after the little reprieve with Mildred, but found himself taking a little detour. He didn’t mean to; his feet just took him that way. Just a little bit of a longer walk home.
Past your house.
Your curtains were open again.
John found himself walking a little closer, something enticing drawing him in. He stood just outside your window. You were just getting ready for bed…he could almost smell you; all fresh from the shower.
John sighed, then winced when another surge of hunger punched his stomach. That ache he had felt in his jaw returned tenfold, and he felt his vision start to fade.
There was nothing to do but get back to the rectory. Quickly. John employed his long strides and muttered prayers under his breath. He needed to be away. Hide. There was no preparation for this next phase of revival. He wasn’t ready. This deep carnal hunger was eating away at him. He needed more of the sacrament.
Now.
He needed help. John paced the rectory, and felt his nerves and veins and muscles and tendons tugging at him, begging him for nourishment. Feed me, Father, feed me.
“Angel of God my, guardian dear to whom Gods love commits me here…”
He mindlessly grasped the bottle of communion wine, and let it empty down the back of his throat yet it somehow wasn’t enough. He needed more.
More more-
“Uh…Father?”
Something deep inside John Pruitt unfurled then. It began to seep into his tissue and into his bloodstream. John turned, startled.
“Oh…Hello Joe.”
The following morning was a little bit of a slow one for you. You half considered calling the rectory just to see if there would indeed be Mass at all, but decided against it. You brushed your hair, and tied it back; grabbed any extra ingredients you needed for the morning and set off.
Even as you kneaded the doughs and whipped cream and stirred batter you found yourself lagging.
The walk to Mass was slow too.
Off kilter.
You took your usual seat, but your brows pinch together when you saw Ali sitting not too far from you. You looked to see if Hassan had come with him, but to only deepen your confusion, he was alone. You leaned forward a little in your pew, “Ali?” You murmured loud enough for him.
The boy jumped a little, but relaxed when he saw it was you.
“Come.” You smiled and patted the spot beside you, and he instantly looked grateful. Ali stood and made his way back to you, and you sent him another smile as he sat. You didn’t ask him why he was there, it wasn’t your business. You had always liked Ali- a sweet boy with good manners for the most part.
Then, you looked to the other side of the church, and noticed that Erin was missing. She never missed Sunday Mass. Never.
Something in your stomach curled tight.
An anxious feeling of anticipation.
Without the presence of Father Hill to envelope the church, you found yourself gazing around the building. You looked at the windows, and the pews until your gaze fell upon the wooden figure of Jesus crucified.
Had it always been so grotesque?
Were you worshiping a man? God was supposed to be a being that governed over everything…omnipotent…why would he descend to earth in the body of a man? Why would he need to if he created messengers like Moses and Noah and so many others…
Your mind began to spin out of control until you were starting to wonder what you were doing there.
The distress you felt only grew deeper when a half hour passed, and Father Hill still hadn’t made an appearance. You looked over at Annie, then even looked up at that back of Bev’s head as if she might have an answer written there.
Finally the woman had had enough and made her way to the rectory. You perched on your seat, waiting for anything to happen. It was nearly another twenty minutes that passed before Bev returned- faux smile already on her face as she took a spot upon the pulpit.
“Good morning!” She began, “Well I have to tell you it is such a delight to see this church so full every day, thank God. I'm afraid this morning though that we have to - well, I think we'll have to cancel Mass.”
You scrunched your brows in surprise. But then that feeling you had had inside you tilted again, a little more in the wrong direction. Twisting. You felt nauseated.
“Father Paul's bouncing back from a stomach bug, poor thing, and I just had to physically restrain the dear man and put him to bed, he was so determined to be here! He'll be back on his feet in just no time at all but this morning, at least, our dear Dolly Scarborough - come up here Dolly…” she encouraged Dolly to come up beside her, and while the good natured woman did, she was just as confused as the rest of the churchgoers.
There had certainly been times with Monsignor Pruitt when his health was hanging by a thread and Mass was cancelled but…Father Hill was in prime condition how could he still be so ill?
“Uh, maybe Dolly can lead us in singing, and some readings, and some prayer, and we can still celebrate together, like the Christians of old, who sang praises to God long before they had priests to lead the way. Uh let’s start with Hymn number 473, "Be Thou My Vision". Dolly, can you lead us?” Bev looked over to Andy who began to play his organ, and slowly everyone followed Dolly’s singing.
But then you watched as Bev began to leave again, this time accompanied by Sturge and Wade. They disappeared out through the vestibule, and you mentally snapped yourself back from trying to see what happened.
Your curiosity started to gnaw at you so badly you almost missed the cue to sit down.
Mass ended simply…or rather it deflated. A somewhat awkward shuffle out the door was the end of Mass that day. Murmurs and worries stares at the rectory as everyone filed out and meandered down the hill to Main street.
You glanced over to the rectory, and paused when you saw Bev exit. You moved a little back from the entrance along the side of the church to catch her.
“You’re sure Father Hill is alright?” You asked her as she strode to the back door of the church.
“Just fine. In need of a little more rest we think. Nothing to worry about.” She said a little more brightly than usual. You felt in your gut there was a lie in her words.
“Annie’s making a hearty stew tonight I could stop by and bring him some-“
“No!” She snapped, then softened a little when she saw how startled you were, “No, no he needs to be undisturbed today. Thank you, y/n. Bless you.”
You nodded slowly, and flicked your eyes over to the small building. You could have sworn you saw the curtain move.
“Alright, Bev…take care.” You said. Something was making your nerves itch under your skin. Like an internal fear response that you didn’t usually need.
A cord was plucked inside you.
A voice inside you telling you to leave.
It wasn’t that Bev had snapped at you, or that you felt she was hiding something. It was that St. Patrick’s had always been a place of peace and safety for you, and now you found yourself wanting to be far from it. You feet almost itching to run.
You didn’t run. But you did walk quickly. You wished you had taken your bike that day.
You cast one last look at the rectory. Sturge and Wade still hadn’t come out.
Your feet acted for you, and carried you away from the church. Away from that itch.
Once the general store came into view, you hesitated in going directly to your shop. Since Mass had ended early, you didn’t need to start deliveries yet; instead, you walked into the store, and towards the sheriffs office. You waved at the old man working at the counter- Gerald- and knocked on the officers door.
“Come.” Came his voice.
You opened the door, and sure enough, Hassan was seated at his desk, reading a paper from a file on his desk.
“What can I- oh.” He said, then stopped upon seeing you, “Y/n? Everything alright?” He was suddenly concerned at the prospect of you coming to his office.
Your eyes widened, “Oh- yes fine. Sorry um…I just… I don’t know if you want to…talk about it but…I saw Ali today. At Mass.”
Hassan sighed heavily, “Ah…yeah he…” he didn’t finish his sentence.
“Curious?” You asked.
But the man only sighed again, “I love that my son is interested in God and looking for him…but…” he started.
“But you already have God.” You finished for him.
He nodded, “He’s not praying with me anymore…we fight…he just…I can’t lose him.”
You nodded, “I know…I can keep an eye on him, if you’d like?” You offered a little weakly- you knew there wasn’t much you could do.
“Thank you…I don’t want to discourage him but …he’s not Christian. He knows why we’re Muslim and it’s…” he didn’t know where to start with the issue. “Bev Keene handed out bibles at school last week. Since then…” he look his head, “I think he mostly is interested in it because he wants to fit in.” Hassan sighed and rubbed his brow.
You nodded, “I’m sorry Hassan…this…this must be hard to watch. Doesn’t help that he’s a teenager. Teens are…difficult to reason with.”
He huffed out a bitter laugh, “I only pray that he returns to his faith.”
“God willing, he will.” You didn’t know how to comfort the man, but it seemed that just having someone there helped.
“Inshallah…” he muttered.
You tilted your head in question.
“Means “God willing.”…” he explained.
“Ah…” you said. Silence filled the office, and you clasped your hands. “There’s…have you thought about asking to be stationed somewhere else? Maybe somewhere with other Muslims? He might just be missing that connection…”
“I’ve thought about it…hard to uproot a kid again though.” He crossed his arms.
You wanted to help him. You really wanted to help. This man was alone, and was practically ostracized by the very town he was supposed to protect and serve. You were almost certain you were the closest thing he had to a friend, and you needed to say something.
“You know…I don’t really fully believe Jesus is God.” You blurted out.
He looked up at you then.
You flushed. You hadn’t meant for it to come out like that, “Sorry…I just…just because I go to Mass doesn’t mean I believe everything.”
“Aren’t you Christian?” He asked.
“I…used to be. It’s more of a habit that I go to church. Been going since I was a kid. But…when you first came here that was the first time I heard about Islam…properly. You don’t believe Jesus was god either right?” You asked.
He shook his head.
“He was just another messenger…prophet. I did some reading a while ago and I found that the holy trinity is actually a new thing in Christianity…and I began to wonder what else was “new” or what had been taken out…I guess I’m just trying to say that…Ali might look for God somewhere else but you never know…he might find that the church is flawed and just come right back to you and Allah.” You mused.
Hassan felt tears prick at his eyes. “Thank y/n…thank you.”
You smiled, and nodded, “I’ll um…I’ll leave you to it. Come by later. Lunch is on me.”
“You’re gonna make me fat.” He grumbled
“A little pudge is cute.” You shrugged as you opened the door.
“You’re a bad influence.” He shot back- his walls back up as the door to the outside opened- literally.
“Guess you’ll just have to lock me away, sheriff!” You chirped, and smiled, then closed the door.
But as you turned away and walked back through the shop, that smile faded away.
Everything was changing.
Fast…so fast. Hassan and Ali had been on Crockett for close to a year, and you had never heard Ali mention something about church.
You knew the miracle with Leeza had been drawing many people in, but you could still accept it as a miracle without changing your beliefs.
Did he just want to fit in?
Was he just curious?
Then you remembered how you had felt that morning as you waited for Father Hill. That feeling of trepidation that seeded in your navel and seared into your fingertips.
When you unlocked the door to your shop, you wondered if it was because there was nothing to distract you as you sat in the church. Everyday there was something to keep you busy- the doddering Monsignor or now the invigorating Father. Something to guide you. But once you were left with your thoughts…you started to think a little too much.
Now you weren’t stupid- far from it. You thought a lot. Constantly. But there was something pressing about sitting in that church. You almost felt like you had woken up when you had stood outside the rectory.
Nervous.
Yes you had felt…so nervous as Bev stood there with you.
You wondered if that was how lambs felt before they were taken for slaughter.
Oh what a gruesome thought…pull yourself together.
You were spiralling into the morbid.
Tomorrow would be better.
You focused on that. Yes. Yes tomorrow would be better.
GOOD FRIDAY MASS AT 8PM
E4STER VIGIL SUN MIDNIG-
You watched as Sturge finished with the H and T.
That chord in you struck again. You twitched. The dread in your stomach rolling around like a marble on a metal track.
Leeza stood beside you, confused as ever, “Wait…you're saying every night? No morning Masses at all?” She asked.
Sturge sighed, “Time being.”
Your brows scrunched up, but you schooled your expression when Leeza looked over at you. No need to let her see your worry.
“Father Paul probably just needs another morning or two to recover from that head cold- but he’ll be up and about tonight. Isn’t that right Sturge?” Wade tried to reassure the crowd as a good mayor should, but you knew Wade. And you knew something wasn’t right.
“Yessir, spoke with him myself this morning’…feeling’ much better.” Sturge agreed.
You looked over at the weathered man, and noted that he was off too.
Rehearsed.
You made Sturge a birthday cake every year and the extent of his appreciation was a “Thanks.” Sturge was never a man of many words, and defiantly wouldn’t over explain something.
Wade nodded now, “Dolly spoke to him too and he had a few things to say about Good Friday isn’t that right, honey?” He asked his wife.
You turned to the woman in question, and saw that she was looking somewhere else.
“Dolly?” You heard Wade say, but he trailed off
You saw what she was looking at, and you understood why. You had seen Mildred Gunning now a few times on your deliveries to her house, but seeing her up and walking outside made you stop short. Certainly you had noticed how she was practically aging backwards, but you had only assumed Sarah was trying a new treatment for her.
But this. The walk across the island was a half hour on a good day. And there she was in her Sunday best.
The crowd of islanders began murmuring amongst themselves, and began embracing the older woman. You held back just a little, though your practiced smile was on your face. Your eyes found Sarah beside her, and somehow you weren’t sure if you found solace or anxiety in what you saw there.
She had the same look on her face that you were hiding on yours under your smile.
It wasn’t grim, but it wasn’t joyous.
You slowly began back into town. You missed Mass. You missed that energy that the good Father Hill brought to the church. You missed-
You shook yourself.
Stop it.
What’s wrong with you?
Suddenly, that perfect little routine you had made for yourself for years…was crumbling. You no longer felt the peace you once did, and now it seemed you had to flip the routine completely.
Nightly Mass.
You pursed your lips.
“Have a minute?”
You turned and saw the Sheriff coming towards you as you unlocked your door.
You nodded and grinned softly, “Morning, sure thing.”
The two of you entered the little store and you closed it behind you.
“Everything okay?” You asked when Hassan stood quietly.
“You know that kid, Bowl?” He asked.
You blinked, “Sure I do. Bit of a troubled kid.”
Hassan nodded, “You seen him lately?”
You frowned, “Can’t say I have.”
“Alright…worth a shot. You’re the youngest one here aside from the kids so…just wanted to ask.” He sighed.
“I’m sorry…” you wrung your hands, “Have um…have you seen Joe lately?” You asked, suddenly remembering the quietness in the sheriffs office and lack of grumbled greetings.
At that the sheriff hung his head a little, “No…no but I need to speak to him…I’ll let you know if I find him.”
You took a breath in and held it a little to try and calm yourself, “Alright.”
“I’ll see you later, y/n. Don’t work too hard.” He murmured, as he opened the door.
“You too, Hassan.” You said a little absentmindedly.
He left you to your thoughts. With Mass cancelled again, you had far too much time to kill before you really needed to start deliveries.
You sat on your little stool behind the counter, and found a book Father Hill had lent you almost a week ago under your receipt box.
The Divine Comedy: Dante’s inferno.
You began to read. Too afraid to let your thoughts run rampant again.
Nightime wasn’t much better. You felt something pulling in you to go and visit the rectory. No one outside of the Scarboroughs, Sturge and Bev had seen the Father, and there was that nagging feeling in you that you needed to see if he was alright. Why couldn’t he just come out to tell everyone he was on the mend? What was there all this dancing around?
You stood on your porch, cardigan pulled tight around you as you fought with yourself internally.
Then, just as you went to take a step, a gust of wind pushed you back. You felt that anxiety strum within you once again. Your gut cried to you to not go, and with blood running cold, you went inside and shut the door.
You closed your curtains that night, and prayed to any God that would listen. You didn’t know why fear had rooted itself so deep within your heart, and somehow that frightened you more.
You were afraid.
So afraid.
Good Friday. You put on that dress your mom had gotten you last year for Christmas- she said it brought out your eyes. You grabbed a warm sweater, and socks, and left for Mass.
It was strange walking across the island as the sun set. You strode calmly, pushing that nagging feeling that sat in the back of your throat away.
“Y/n!”
You turned and saw Sarah and Mildred walking behind you not too far. You smiled, “Hello you two!” You chirped. You might have been suffering from an internal turmoil but you weren’t about to let them know.
“Sarah, Mrs.Gunning. Happy to see you both coming tonight.” You smiled and fell into step with them.
Mildred nodded, “It’s been years…” she mused, then stopped and held your arm, “You’ve been so good to us over the years, dear…Sarah’s been telling me and…I wanted to thank you.”
You waved her off and smiled, “Oh it was nothing. Happy to make your lives easier.”
“You have…really. Thank you.” Sarah nodded, a tight smile on her lips.
“You’re a good girl, y/n.” Mildred smiled gently.
You returned it, “Come on…hopefully Father Hill is well enough to preach today.”
The three of you walked the rest of the way, and you noticed how many times Mildred was stared at. She smiled and nodded when people looked, breaking any tension. Then as you walked up to the church, you saw Bev standing to greet the parishioners.
You smiled at her, though she looked straight past you to greet Mildred. You nodded to Sarah, and left them there to talk.
You took your seat, and not long after, the Gunnings took theirs directly in front of you. You wondered if that was where Mildred used to sit before she grew too ill.
Several more minutes passed, until you heard that low voice of the good father from the door of the church to begin service, “All rise for our processional hymn- number 139 in the red hymnal: At the cross , at the cross.”
You rose to your feet, and began to sing, but you couldn’t help but feel relieved that Father Hill was alright. It had been days since only a couple people saw him, and while you would never assume any deception from your elders…the secrecy seemed so strange.
“They took the body of Jesus, and bound it with the burial cloths along with the spices, according to the Jewish burial custom.” Dolly stood on the pulpit, reading from her bible. The church was full around you, and you found yourself slowly feeling at ease. You felt so silly for having been distressed.
“Now in the place where he had been crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden, a new tomb in which no one had yet been buried. So, they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day. For the tomb was close by. The Gospel of the Lord.” She finished.
“Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.” You and the other churchgoers answered.
Then as soon as Dolly stepped down, you found your eyes locked onto Father Hill as he took his place. You took a moment to take him in after it being a few days of not seeing him. Indeed he did look well- skin no longer waxy and pale. There was something else to his presence though, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. It almost felt like…home. What you came for. What you took comfort in.
That thought startled you.
“Good Friday. This is one of my favorite days of the year. The passion of our Lord. Just that word, “passion.” The word “passion,” it means a strong and barely controllable emotion. Barely controllable. That’s what Jesus felt when he gave his life for us, so that we might have life eternal. What a gift, told so beautifully in the Gospel of John. “Gospel” means good news! Good news on Good Friday. And yet, it’s a story of such profound suffering. What’s so good about that?” He paused to take in the filled church. You could see the pride he felt having brought the community together. You smiled a little.
“Jesus’s suffering in this story, it isn’t simply necessary. It is good. It is the price of eternal life. That suffering, he endures alone. At the Resurrection, he is alone. And then… Well… Ah, he has a few allies. And then more. A congregation. And then more and more people spread that good news. Tell that good story. And then, God has an army. What do they say in that commercial? Uh, “Be all that you can be.” Well, I mean no offense to the armed services, which are necessary and of course honorable, but that’s not all that you can be. In the Army, you’re fighting for God and country.”
You heard a few people murmur amongst you; admiration shining in their eyes as they listens to their preacher.
“Now, I am going to offend you now, but it is the truth. God does not want you to fight for this country. The arrogance… of that. God has no country. There is one God for the world. And the lines we draw, and the treaties we draft, and the borders we close mean nothing to Him. No, don’t fight for a country. You fight for God’s kingdom. A kingdom which Jesus tells us has no flags or borders. God’s army.”
You felt your throat tighten and your nose prickle.
“Now make no mistake. It is a war. That’s what an army is for.So, as a congregation, as God’s army, how do we know how the fight is going? We can’t see it. We can’t radio HQ for a status report. All we have, all God gives us, is right here.” He pointed to his chest, “How we feel. That moral compass inside each one of us pointing due north to the Holy Spirit. Conscience. In the army of God, conscience is standard issue. There are many like it, but this one is mine. You may think that that’s a line from a war movie, but it isn’t. That’s actually the Rifleman’s Creed. And a creed is, by definition, not just a belief, but it is a religious one. ” You could feel yourself hang onto each word. Rapt.
“So, it is a war, and there will be casualties. And we must be soldiers. That is what Good Friday is about. God will ask horrible things of you. Horrible. Just look at what He asked of His own son. Just look at what Jesus had to endure today. We had to call it the “New Covenant,” because God’s will, while perfect, changes.God’s will dictates morality, and as God’s will changes, so does morality change. It changed with the New Covenant. It changed when Jesus came, and we must, as his army, shed the Old Covenant and listen only to that. You rely on that compass. Good Friday is only good. The Gospel of the Lord, so full of horror, is only good, because of where it is headed. The Resurrection. Today is only good because of what’s coming Easter, this Sunday. When Jesus is risen, and death itself is lain dead. What is otherwise horrible is good because of where it’s headed. Welcome to God’s army. Yeah, we’re gonna do great things.”
Your blood rushed in your ears as Father Hill finished.
You somehow felt refreshed…full. You supposed you needed that sense of belonging amongst the other islanders. But when you went to converse with the Gunnings, you were surprised to see them already shuffling out towards the door as soon as Sturge had opened them. You wondered if perhaps it was all too tiring for Mildred and they needed to get home soon.
You sighed, and stood to find Annie. She was there with Ed, but they seemed off too. “Hi Annie, Ed…any plans for Easter?” You asked as you joined them in the thinning crowd.
But then you saw the anxiety in the older woman’s eyes. You knew instantly that something was very wrong. “Annie?” You asked, putting a hand on her arm.
“Oh it…it’s nothing. You know me.” She waved it off, “We uh were thinking of having a nice family dinner. You’re welcome to come of course.” She forced a smile.
You waited patiently with a gentle nod until she told you what was going on. She always did.
“Riley…he- we haven’t seen him all day.” She finally said.
Your brows pitched in worry, “Oh I’m- I’m sorry…maybe he’s with Erin? They’re close right?” You asked, trying to keep their spirits up.
“Probably. Like I said it’s nothing.” She reassured you again, “Anyways, isn’t that the dress your mom got you? What was it…your birthday last year?” She changed the subject, and you let her.
“Christmas.” You smiled, “Thought I’d pull it out of the closet.”
“You look lovely. See you tomorrow?” She asked, already moving out and down the aisle with the remaining parishioners and pulling Ed with her.
“Most likely! You know me…always around.” You nodded, following after them.
“Take care now!” She called back, and her husband gave you a small wave before they disappeared down the stairs and onto the road.
Now left to your solitude, you felt butterflies take wing in your stomach. You sucked in a breath, and began down the stairs after saying goodbye to another few islanders you knew speaking to Bev. You stepped outside, head a little in the clouds when you nearly jumped.
“There she is. How are you, my dear girl?” Father Hill stood at the bottom of the stairs wishing each of his flock goodbye.
You looked up at him as you came to stand beside him. But he wasn’t as vibrant as he usually was. You noticed a certain darkness in his eyes…
Of course he looks like that he’s been sick for days
You mentally throttled yourself.
“I’m well, thank you Father. You seem better.” You smiled a little, though perhaps not as wide as usual.
He noticed.
“Yes…yes much, thank you. Everyone has been so accommodating with me…so helpful. Good people.” He mused.
You nodded, “They are.”
John could almost feel your pulse in his head as you gazed up at him- so docile. The light from St. Patrick’s spilled over you and lit you like a holy revelation. He could smell your skin from his place a few feet away…could tell that you washed your hair not too long ago. But despite the loveliness of having you so close, John knew something in you was shifting.
You were more…anxious. Looking for justification to trust.
Skittish but still coming to his presence so diligently.
Like you didn’t even know what you were afraid of.
No need to fear sweet lamb…I am with you…
You started to shift away from him then, but it almost seemed like he didn’t quite want you to go. His gaze still locked onto you. “I trust I’ll see you on Sunday?”
You laughed a little, “No, no I think I’ll skip it.”
His face seemed to fall for a moment, but when you didn’t stop smiling it clicked that you were joking. “Oh- yes…you’re kidding.” He smiled with you, “Please do come. It wouldn’t be the same without you.” Father Paul added earnestly.
You felt that tug in your chest just like when you had gone to the rectory to speak with him weeks ago.
You felt seen.
Appreciated.
“Well I…I’ll be there, Father. Rest.” You said, backing away, “Have a blessed night!”
John took a slow step toward you, but no more than that. He knew not to press his luck with your trust. Didn’t want to scare you off.
“And you, y/n.” He waved to you.
You turned and began your walk. But just as you had felt at home when Mass had begun, you felt a little empty as you walked away. You felt that tug grow more insistent the further you went; so much so that you turned before descending the hill to look back.
Father Hill was in discussion with Wade, but once you stood still, his head snapped to you.
You startled a little.
But it wasn’t so much the fact that he noticed you.
It was the strangest thing…you could have sworn you saw the light of the church catch his eyes and make them glint in the dark.
It happened so fast that you told yourself you just needed your day off. You were just tired.
You needed some sleep.
That was why you felt the contentment you had just been floating on start to drain away. That was why you felt so at ease when the Father spoke to you. Just tired.
You had no way of knowing then that it was the little bit of tainted blood in your system that was calling out to its patron. That it was humming around the others who shared the gift too…communicating internally with one another- somehow knowing that you’re like them.
By the time you were home, you felt as if the weight of the world was yours to uphold. Worry began to consume you as your thoughts swirled in the silence.
Riley was missing.
Joe was missing.
Pike was dead.
Bowl was missing.
You stopped brushing your hair for a moment. You hadn’t thought of the strange happenings like that before. Indeed there was quite a few. You had lived on Crockett your whole life you knew that the maximum a person could go missing for was a day and that was pushing it.
How long had Joe been missing…?
Your gut began to twist again, and you almost fell to your knees when you knelt to pray.
You didn’t know what was happening to you. To your home.
Fear began to encircle your heart, and you almost considered running back to the church to sleep on a pew.
You felt alone.
For the first time in a long time, you felt so very alone.
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