#Like 75% of it was normal healthy admiration

[dilf-phoenix-rights]

This is why I can’t take people seriously when they act like Ryunosuke’s idealization of Kazuma was to the extremes. Ryunosuke absolutely recognized that Kazuma could be stubborn and ill tempered and rude at times, and was fully capable of lightly pointing that out to him. He could also be a bit of a little shit to Kazuma when he felt like he deserved it. Like…they were mostly just normal friends.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[mbti-notes]

Greetings, I am a 75 year old grandma. I am writing because my grandson who is in his 20s won't work. I have been involved in mbti for many decades. I'm an ENFJ. My grandson is still living at home well into his 20s. When I tell him to get a job (over many years) he just tells me to cut him off and that he will be fine without a smartphone and sweet foods. He is very bright. Graduated with a 3.7 from University. He tried various interests, but nothing sticks. Do I kick him out? Its not my nature

[con’t: The actions I've taken to help my grandson is to show him various resources like holland code, personality theory, etc. so that he can find some direction of where to commit. Instead he just takes the holland code over and over again, and happily shows me that his interests vary everytime he takes it. Same with personality theory. He goes on your blog all the time to prove that he doesn't fit anywhere. Based off of that statement he sounds like IxFJ. My grandson resembles Ti loop (IFxJ), but he does not resemble any other aspect of being an FJ. He is relatively well decisive when it comes to everything in his life. The only issue is getting a job, getting on a path, but he rejects this. If he at least helped around the house it would be something, but he can be quite selfish and uncaring, yet at other times very caring. It vacillates. Anyway, please help if possible, I am perplexed.]

WRT His Type: 

I can’t draw a conclusion about his type without a full type assessment. Everything you’ve described is quite consistent with INFJ and Ni-Ti loop. It seems that you don’t understand tertiary loop very well. Ti loop is an unconscious repudiation of feeling, responsibility, and eventually, conscience. It amounts to a refusal to be the things that make FJs good and admirable people. Basically, the more severe the case of Ti loop, the more arrogant, narcissistic, and callous the INFJ becomes. 

If the INFJ is only at the stage of trying to suppress the vulnerability of feeling life, there is still a fair chance for them to turn their life around by developing better emotional intelligence to address the emotional immaturity. If the INFJ has reached the point of refusing personal responsibility, they will be preoccupied/obsessed with finding any excuse, and even creating enemies, to blame for the poor state of their life. At this point, they are impervious to facts and don’t respond well to advice. If the INFJ loses all self-awareness and manages to convince themselves that they are “special” and not subject to conventional rules and ethical boundaries, then the time for you to distance from them is nearing, as chronic Se grip will set in and produce reactive, aggressive, or extreme behavior. 

To get out of Ti loop requires genuine humility and reconnection with feeling life. The INFJ must take full responsibility for their decisions, correct the big mistakes that they have made in life, and atone for all the harm that they have caused. He does not seem to be capable of this at the moment. I explain Ti loop not to be an alarmist, but to give you a realistic view of how destructive tertiary loop can be, what rock bottom looks like for INFJs, and the signs to be wary of. If the relationship with him ever reaches a point where his mindset becomes toxic and harmful to you, it is important that you move to protect yourself.

WRT His Problem: 

Getting someone in the right frame of mind to make a change and tackle a big problem is very tricky business because you don’t want to try and fail too many times. If you’re correct about Ti loop, then the more times you try to help and fail, the more likely he is to retreat further into himself (and delusion). To avoid applying the wrong solution, it’s best to do some “intelligence gathering” first so that you understand the problem properly before proceeding.

Neither of you has gotten to the bottom of his “block”, i.e., the actual obstacle that is getting in the way of his advancement. You can’t solve a problem if you can’t identify the cause(s) of it. The cause can be internal, external, or a combination of factors. Getting him into aptitude/personality studies seems like a logical approach to the problem. However, this assumes that the underlying cause of the problem is that he doesn’t really know himself - is it, though? It’s not clear to me, from what you’ve said, that this is the root of the problem. There isn’t enough info for me to draw any conclusion and I don’t wish to speculate wildly about what his problem might be. He seems to have some deeper psychological issues going on. And this lack of knowledge about his motivations is probably the reason that you’re both having difficulty pinpointing his type.

Therefore, the first order of business is to examine the problem in depth to figure out what the true cause of it is. Is the nature of the employment problem practical, psychological, educational, social, etc? Once you have an accurate grasp of the problem, then think on the right solution to it, or get help from someone with the expertise to determine the right solution. Note that if he is already at the point of avoiding responsibility and making excuses to manipulate reality, he himself will be blind to the real problem.

WRT Your Decision: 

The last point I want to make is about you and your feelings. It sounds like he is suffering from some form of arrested development because he still has the mentality of a child. Academic GPA means nothing without emotional maturity and life skills. His behavior indicates that he depends on you but is also spoiled in taking your support for granted. This means that the more you try to support/help him, the more you may be enabling his unhealthy behavior and preventing him from becoming truly independent. 

It is in his best interests to learn how to be a responsible adult because he will not always have someone to lean on in life (especially since Ti loop is very destructive to relationships). This should happen sooner rather than later, because the longer someone stays stuck in a rut, the harder it is to change, as inertia deepens. This is especially true in terms of employment because doors close and opportunities gradually dry up the older one gets. For the sake of his continued personal growth, he has to learn how to face up to his life’s problems and resolve them. But it sounds like he’s not willing to do that without being compelled to. He explicitly said to cut him off, which is basically like telling mama bird that he’s not going to jump off the tree and fly until he gets pushed off. Push him. Yes, he could have some psychological issue going on, but he’s also using your support to avoid facing up to it. If this is true, then you need to step BACK and allow him to step up for himself.

Should you kick him out? I understand that, from your perspective, this path would be the last resort, because it would violate your moral sensibilities and perhaps damage the relationship. But the fact that you’re at the point of considering it means that you’ve been dealing with this situation for far too long without making any progress. Please take some time to address how much this situation stresses YOU. Otherwise, your feelings may eventually boil over and possess you to do something you regret.

The fairest approach to this situation is to treat him like you would treat anyone else. In other words, stop giving him preferential treatment, especially if he doesn’t appreciate it and thus doesn’t deserve it. (Preferential treatment is reserved for people who are putting in their best effort but still falling short due to factors beyond their control.) If he wants to live under someone else’s roof, he has to contribute his fair share, as any adult would be expected to do (rent, bills, food, etc). If he wants to use/share your space, he has to help with cleaning and maintenance so that the workload is fairly distributed, as any adult would be expected to do. If he wants to have a relationship with you, then he has to reciprocate to make the friendship equal, as any adult would be expected to do. If it were anyone else, you would draw lines and boundaries about what kinds of behavior you would tolerate, wouldn’t you? I hope you would. If you're a doormat, it makes your relationship dynamic with him codependent and even more unhealthy. 

**A healthy relationship must have boundaries. Personal boundaries must be respected to justify continued investment in the relationship. If someone doesn’t respect your needs and boundaries, they don’t respect you, and they’re proving themselves unworthy of your continued effort. Until someone proves that they are worthy of your trust and support, it is best to maintain emotional distance from them, for your own safety and psychological well-being.**

It’s time for you to step up for yourself and how you feel. Make your needs and desires matter just as much as his, which means drawing the lines, setting the boundaries, and enforcing the rules that you need for honoring your existence. Yes, it would be nice if everyone just knew how to respect each other, but that’s not the case. If a relationship is hurting you, then it’s necessary to practice proper self-care and correct what is wrong. It’s not about being controlling but about respecting you and what is yours. If he can’t abide by your rules and boundaries, he is an adult and free to set his own rules elsewhere. Don’t forget that if you let him walk all over you, you’re implicitly confirming to him that exploitation is normal and acceptable relationship behavior.

1) Devaluing your needs is a disservice to yourself and puts you in the backseat of this relationship to be hurt and exploited, and 2) devaluing your needs is a disservice to him, because taking advantage of your generosity allows him to continue on with unhealthy behavior. I’ve given a few possibilities above and it’s up to you to take the path that you think is best for both parties.

[pattonsperfectfamily-asks]

100 Questions!

1. What common traits do you share with your oc? What about them is the least like you? 

2. Do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? What things would you talk about? 

3. How competent would your oc be in a survival situation? Would they be better off on their own or in a group? 

4. Is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? What is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life? 

5. What is your oc’s patience like? When waiting for something, are they able to sit still or do they fidget? How do they fidget? 

6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why? 

7. Does your oc collect anything? What about of knowledge or facts? How big is their collection? 

8. What kind of flavours does your oc like? How much spice can they handle? 

9. How easily does your oc trust others? Any particular reason why? How trustworthy are they themselves? 

10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop? 

11. Does your oc have a good sense of direction? Do they get lost easily? 

12. How well would your oc handle being placed in a leadership position? 

13. What is your oc’s confidence like? Are they self-confident to the point of being arrogant? Are they terribly self-deprecating? 

14. What is your oc’s speech like? How loud are they usually? Do they have an accent or a stutter? 

15. What is your oc’s memory like? Do they remember certain things better than others? Do they have any strategies to better remember things? 

16. How affectionate is your oc? How do they convey their affection? By being touchy, or through more subtle ways? 

17. How polite is your oc? Do they know how to act in a formal situation? How would they *actually* act in a formal situation? 

18. How physically strong is your oc? Is their agility or endurance better? 

19. What is your oc’s creative skillset? Music, drawing, writing, dancing, etc.? Or are they lacking creativity entirely? 

20. Does your oc have any favourite games to pass the time? What other hobbies do they have? 

21. Is your oc expressive, or would they rather conceal their emotions? What are their typical expressions like? 

22. How easily does your oc fare in the sun? Do they tan or burn easily? Are they completely unaffected? 

23. How graceful is your oc? Are they elegant in their movements, or more clumsy? 

24. Is your oc a romantic, or are they grossed out by the simple mention of anything romantic? 

25. How stubborn is your oc? Are they open to considering different options or opinions, or are they more closed off? 

26. How does your oc sleep? Do they move around a lot? What position does your oc normally sleep in? What are their typical bedding arrangements like? 

27. What is your oc’s sleep schedule like? Are they a night owl, an early morning riser, or do they get any sleep at all? 

28. How organized is your oc? How important is organization to your oc? 

29. If a perfume was to be made to represent your oc, what sorts of smells would be included in it? 

30. How caring/empathetic is your oc? Are they the type to immediately adopt and protect others, or are they a true sadist? 

31. What inspired the creation of your oc? Any specific things, a general aesthetic or idea, or something completely random? 

32. How judgemental is your oc? Do they keep an open mind about people, or are they the type to judge a book by its cover? 

33. What five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? Why? 

34. Does your oc have a pet? If they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? How well could they care for it? 

35. Does your oc have any distinguishing markings? Scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc? 

36. What is your oc’s fight or flight response like? What sorts of things provoke it the most? 

37. How does your oc handle heavy stress? Do they have any specific coping mechanisms? Are they healthy or not? 

38. What does your oc do to relax? Any specific activities? Why? 

39. Does your oc have any nicknames? What are the origins of them? If they don’t, can you come up with some possible ones? 

40. What languages does your oc know? Are there any they want to learn but haven’t had the chance to? How good are they at picking up new ones? 

41. What was the worst injury your oc ever suffered? Has it had any long lasting impact on them? 

42. Is your oc an optimist or a pessimist? Any particular reason why? 

43. How important are the rules to your oc? Do they follow them to a t, or do they enjoy breaking them? 

44. How violent is your oc? Or are they more a pacifist? To what lengths will they go to start/avoid a conflict? 

45. How is your oc around animals? What about children? 

46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them? 

47. How much of a prankster is your oc? Are their pranks truly evil, or more harmless, positive ones? 

48. What are your oc’s nervous tics? Are they aware of them? Do they attempt to hide them? 

49. What would be the perfect gift for your oc? What would be their reaction to receiving it? 

50. How attentive is your oc? How perceptive are they? How easily do they get distracted? 

51. If your oc was to receive an award for something, what would it most likely be for? Have they received any awards in the past? 

52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out? 

53. If your oc was to host a podcast or TV show, what would it be about? Would your oc actually be good at it? What sorts of guests would appear? 

54. How would you describe your oc’s voice to sound like? Do you have any voice claims for them? 

55. How sensitive to loud sound is your oc? Do they prefer constant high background noise, low background noise, or complete silence? 

56. What is your oc’s favourite colour? If you had to choose one colour to represent your oc, what would it be and why?

57. How good is your oc’s sight? Do they wear glasses? Do they need glasses? Do they have some form of night vision?

58. How would you describe your oc’s appearance to someone who’s looking for them? What features would be most identifiable?

59. How good at cooking is your oc? What can they cook/what is their favourite thing to cook?

60. How good is your oc at keeping track of time? Are they always late, always early, or always right on time?

61. Is your oc more quick-thinking, or do they take longer to figure things out? 

62. How quick is your oc? Do they have faster or slower reflexes? What things are they quickest at? 

63. How self-disciplined is your oc? Do they often think before they act, or the other way around? 

64. Which of the seven deadly sins does your oc fall under most? What about the seven heavenly virtues?

65. If you were to give your oc a new superpower, what would you choose and why? If *they* were to be able to choose, what would it be and why?

66. What sort of advice would people go to your oc for? What sort of advice is your oc actually good at giving?

67. How many people does your oc prefer to be around? A crowd, a few friends, or all on their own?

68. What sorts of things would cheer your oc up when they’re down? Is your oc sad often, or is it more rare?

69. How energetic is your oc? Are they constantly tired, or constantly bouncing off the walls?

70. What about your oc’s lifestyle would they change if they had the ability? Why?

71. What is your oc’s go-to for offense? What weapon, what style of fighting? Or are words more their weapon of choice?

72. What is your oc’s ideal environment like? Urban or natural? Fancy or rustic? What’s the weather like?

73. If your oc were to be arrested, what would it most likely be for? Is it justified? Have they actually been arrested before?

74. How would your oc act when drunk? What about when really, really tired?

75. What would your oc’s dream home be like? How big would it be? What sorts of rooms would be in it? Where would it be located? 

76. What is/was your oc’s relationship with their family like? Was it happy, tense, or abusive? What living family does your oc currently have, if any? 

77. Does your oc like to wear any particular accessories? Hats, jewelry, scarves, etc.? 

78. How socially skilled is your oc? Are they good at understanding social cues? How charismatic are they? 

79. For what reason would your oc turn into a villain? And if they’re already a villain, vice-versa? 

80. What is your oc’s handwriting like? How easy to read is it? Can they write/read cursive? 

81. How good is your oc at drawing? What is their preferred art medium, and what is their artstyle like? 

82. What would be your oc’s ultimate dream vacation? Where would they go? Who would they take with them? What would they do? 

83. What is your oc’s favourite trait about themselves? What about their least liked? What would others like and dislike the most about your oc?

84. Is your oc more masculine, feminine, androgynous, or something else entirely?

85. What would history remember your oc for? How would they become famous? Or are they the sort that would really only be appreciated long after their death?

86. What would someone assume about your oc based on their appearance? Would those assumptions be correct?

87. What are some of your oc’s physical weak spots? What about emotional/moral ones?

88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals? 

89. What does your oc’s laugh sound like? How often do they laugh? Are they easily amused?

90. Does your oc have any objects they could never give up? Why is it so important to them? Do they have any family heirlooms?

91. What is your oc’s typical posture like? Do they slouch, or stand straight? How much space do they usually take up, both physically and figuratively?

92. What trait does your oc appreciate or admire the most in others? Why?

93. What is your oc’s preferred learning style? Observation, hands-on, instruction? Do they take notes or memorize?

94. Does your oc rely more on a logical or emotional mindset? What situations would this be the opposite?

95. How is your oc about keeping someone else’s secret? Are they the gossiping type, are do they hold true on their promise to keep things quiet?

96. Describe your oc in three words. What three words would they use to describe themselves?

97. How old is your oc physically? How old are they in mental maturity? When are they most mature, and when are they the least?

98. Is your oc the type to have a lot of fairly good friends, have a small group of close friends, have one or two best friends, or have no friends at all? Who are they closest to?

99. What is your oc’s morning routine usually like? What do they eat for breakfast (if they have breakfast)? What time do they usually get up in the morning?

100. Does your character ever swear? How often? How vulgar is their swearing?

[cherryyharryy]

Burning Words

Chapter Five: Regrets

WC: 7.9k

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Songs for this chapter

Extra piece in Harry’s POV (I suggest reading this first)

I have to say my intuition is pretty decent. The only time it’s failed me, is when I’ve chosen to ignore it. There’s a fine line though, between me wanting to listen to myself, and the nagging feeling in my gut. I’m an easy person to dismiss. 

So when I spent all of last week brushing off the insistent aura of regret from my shoulders, I didn’t expect it to manifest itself in such a tame manner. My life is the embodiment of ‘when it rains, it pours,’ and I’m constantly trying to find a place to feel good within my own existence. 

And right now, I really regret being such a pushover. If there’s one moment I could do over again, it would be earlier today when I turned down the overtime my boss offered. Because Jessie is sick. She isn’t, but she says she is; I’ve known her for too long now. We’ve survived a lot together:

That’s three drunken nights, five catcallers, one early morning jog right after the New Year when we said we’d get healthy. Two fake Instagram accounts to spot a cheater, six tampons thrown over bathroom stalls, eight missed calls—then a hurried drive down Park Street to find yours truly in the midst of a panic attack. And now, nine minutes for me to figure out that she’s not ill. That’s like, 75 in women years. No wonder we’re so tired all the time.

I’d put money on a phone call from Anthony. She says she’s never had phone sex, but she does so with a smile, and I’m not an idiot. She’s not ashamed; I don’t think Jessie could ever feel embarrassed with the confidence she has. This only twists the ropes surrounding my organs, pulling tighter and tighter until… 

I hope to have secrets with someone one day, and then I can tell Jessie a sweet lie about how I’ve never gone skinny dipping, or Russian kissed, and she’d be content with my fib and cherry smile, because she’s my best friend. 

And because I’m her best friend, I’m zipping up the back of my black dress with a hanger, praying it doesn’t pop when I exhale.

“I promise, I’ll owe you,” Jessie whines. 

“No you don’t. Just tell me I don’t look terrible.”

“You’re gorgeous as always, babe.”

She’s curled up in her bed, such an actress, with a heating blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a phony stuffed nose that makes her words gel together in a tight knot. I thank her anyway.

“Don’t forget the book.”

“I know, I know.” I push off the threshold of her room to gather my things: a winter coat that looks somewhat classy, my purse, and Beowulf. I button up to my neck and yell my goodbye as I cross the apartment.

We have a small mirror that hangs against a brick wall when you first enter our home. I’ve watched Jessie nudge at her lashes and scrape tiny bits of strawberry lipstick off her teeth before we leave, dozens of times.  I usually pass by her while she’s doing her last touch-ups, but now I’m alone, and I have to make the quick decision to look or not. I hope Jessie’s right, that I don’t look terrible, because I close my eyes until I’m locking the door. 

***

The theater is frigid, and nearly empty when I arrive. I guess the majority of Jessie’s class isn’t as desperate to watch a reenactment of a book for extra points as she is. Tickets are five dollars, and the water I bought is warm. I am overdressed, and take out my diamond earrings after a girl in sweatpants sits at the end of my row.

At intermission I debate whether or not I should leave. I can hide in my room all night and finish Jessie’s assignment, in my pajamas, with a glass of gas station wine in hand. But I guess Jessie is in love, so instead, I wobble up to the concession in her borrowed heels to buy more junk food that can promise me a breakout by morning. 

“Y/n?”

Like an eruption; his voice triggers more physiological responses in my body than a lab rat. My senses have never crossed borders with each other, and yet I stand here, hunger clawing its way up my ribs, past my larynx, banging on the back of my eyes so I’ll open them. 

“Hey.” My voice is filled with saliva, and I pray he doesn’t notice. 

“Are you here for the extra credit, or to watch a bunch of middle aged call-backs try their hand at acting?”

My laugh is airy and sore. “Uh, Jessie. It’s her class. She’s sick, so I’m saving her.”

“Ah,” he nods. “I’m a life jacket too, tonight. Elliot’s visiting his cousin or something.”

The lights flicker above us, and he blushes like a cherry. “I uh, I guess we’d better head back.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you, would you like to sit together?” He holds up his copy of the book. “Compare notes?”

I nod. I respond, but I’m not exactly sure what comes out of my mouth. All I know is that he has me lead the way, and deciding where to sit becomes an insurmountable task, as if my seating choice is the determinate in how he will see me in the forthcoming days, weeks. Does he like to sit in the front? The back? Close to the aisle? Where had he been this whole time? Had he noticed me when I had my mouth stuffed with gummy bears?

“If you don’t mind,” he answers the questions in my head, “I don’t care for sitting close to the front.”

“The middle then? I think I read that, two-thirds back was the best seating or something.”

“Perfect.”

We settle into our seats, the theater now nearly vacant other than the two of us, and a few people tucked away in the back. 

It’s a bizarre group of words to use—the two of us—in reference to Harry and I. Technically, it’s sound. There are two in a pairing. I think it’s the us that plays my heartstrings like a violin. The vibrating in my chest escalates, echoing off the hollow of my bones, wrapping around the fibers of my muscles, weakening my nervous system like a dying light bulb. 

He flips through my copy of the book where I haven’t made as many notes as I should have, nodding along to my scribbles which outline the differences between the original story and this live adaptation. “We’ve got a lot of the same.” He’s smiling big when he hands my book back. “Guess we’re doing something right then.”

I feel his energy for the rest of the play. Every move he makes is somehow worthy of interest. The grip he holds on his knee, the tilt of his head, roll of his lips, bounce of his foot. He clears his throat at one point, and I turn back towards the actors as if they are the disturbance. Each time he flips through the book to scribble a note, the pages brush against his thumb, sometimes catching on his ring. When he pricks his skin on the edge of a page, he drives it straight into his mouth. I have to remind my heart to keep beating. 

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you hear me? Do you need a ride home?”

When had we walked outside? When did the sun disappear? When did his hair become such a mess?

“Um, no. That’s alright. Thank you though.”

“How did you get here?” His lenses are a pink champagne color, and I hope the filter makes me aesthetically appealing, as I never have been before. 

“The bus.”

“The b—you’re going to take this bus? But it’s late?”

I study his face, his eyes through the tinted glass, the lines across his forehead with his brows pushing them up towards his hairline. My intelligence is working overtime.

“I’ve taken the bus at night before. I’ll be fine.” I shrug and he frowns.

“But, I—if I give you my number, will you text me when you get home? Just, I mean, I just need to know you make it back. It’s nearly eleven. And it’s the bus.”

I stand there too long, contemplating the actions he wishes to pursue. His number, in my phone. He says my name.

“Uh, yeah, I can do that I guess.”

Vertigo and an imposture buzz seize my nerves. My hands shake; I always spend so much time waiting for things to end, so I can just live in the memory. Things are easier that way. 

And I’m more vulnerable under moonlight, so I hand him my phone. 

“You won’t forget?”

“No. no. I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Good.” He passes my phone back, clearing his throat. “Um, I enjoyed this. Tonight I mean. Was pretty pissed at Elliot when he asked me to go for him, but...guess things worked out okay after all.”

“Yeah, not bad.”

“You um, you look...you look very pretty.”

“Oh,” I’m caught off guard, and have to take a second to scrape the word liar off my tongue. “Thanks. Thank you. You, so do you.”

He snickers, but it’s lighthearted, like a feather was tickling his chin. “Thank you, love.”

“Yeah…”

“So um, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“O—okay.”

His lashes flutter against his glasses, and his tongue darts out to swipe over his lips. “Uh, I—do you—are you sure you don’t need a ride home?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” he sighs like he’s relieved, but there’s pent up nervous energy leaking out, that contradicts the lax drop of his shoulders and the fidgety hand scratching the back of his neck. “Well I’ll see you later then?”

“Okay.”

His lips are twitching when we say goodbye. He goes one way and I the other. He goes to his car, and I go towards the bus stop. My phone weighs heavy in my bag. How did I end up looking forward to admiring a sequence of numbers? I run through my options of what exactly I will text when I get home. What punctuation I will use, if I am warranted in picking an emoji, what he might respond with.

The bus driver gives me a funny look when the doors close behind me. I can’t find anything inside me to care enough though, as I normally would, and find a seat in the back. I’d give me a funny look too, if I was smiling so big at nothing in particular. 

***

I almost forget to lock our door when I hurry into the apartment. I’m out of my coat and shoes by the time I reach my room, flopping down on my bed with my phone in hand. 

Seeing Harry’s name at the top of the screen slows down my movements, making the moment more serious. My fingers hover over the keyboard, and I’m stifled on picking how I want to word my text. 

I made it back alive

I’m home, no need to worry

I’m here:)

I consider not texting him at all, but brush the intrusive thought that he was just being nice for show, as far away into the corner of my mind as I can manage. 

I’m home now

My teeth sink further and further into my lip, the skin stretching and pulling with the corners of my mouth playing tug of war. The three little dots of his incoming text seems to last forever. 

How many stops did you have to make? You know how to make a man worry. I’m happy you’re home safe xx

Without much thought, because I know I’d change my mind, I send a smiley face and lock my phone, then quickly make my way to Jessie’s room. Part of me wants to gush to her about tonight, about how he asked to sit together, and how he gave me his number. 

But I also have no reason to be so...giddy. His actions are easily explained if you look at them from a different angle. He didn’t want to sit by himself, that’s all. I’m a familiar face. And any decent person would offer a ride home to their...student. 

I freeze in the space between our rooms, trying to pick a lane for my mind to travel down. I know myself well enough to know that my first reaction is to dismiss the entire evening, and my brain is pulling on the reins in that direction. But a selfish part of me just wants to relish in tonight’s events. He didn’t have to sit by me, and no one made him give me his number. I need to stop assuming that my presence is so revolting 

When I knock on Jessie’s door she hacks a dramatic cough, and mumbles for me to come in. 

“How are you feelin’?”

“Oh I’m better, yeah, so uh, how was your night? Did you like it? Did you have fun?” The covers are pulled up to her nose, her big eyes wide and shining right above them. “You look happy? Why’s that?”

“It was good,” I sigh, leaning against the door frame. “I’ll type up your notes in the morning.”

“I’ll probably feel up to it tomorrow,” she nods and I roll my eyes. “So uh, what did you like about it?”

“Oh...just...it was a good play. Really good.”

“Yeah? That’s it?”

I shrug. “What were you expecting?”

“Nothing, you just came in here with a big smile on your face, thought maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

She clicks her tongue and shakes her head, sighing. “Nothin’, nothin’.”

“Alright, well, m’gonna go to bed then.”

“Okay...thanks for saving me tonight. Glad you enjoyed it.”

My lips twitch, but I manage to reign in a smile. “Yeah, I did.”

***

I’ll be at the Library this afternoon, so you can stop by. 4-ish. 

I read over his text and check the time again. It’s four o’clock now, but I feel early. Fashionably late, that’s a thing, right…that I should have done? He said ish. Does ish mean early or late? My poor brain.

I slip the continuing rewrite of my report from my bag, as if to say when I walk in: I’m here for help with school, that’s all, no assumptions, please. It’s cool outside, and when I walk in there is no relief, and yet my hands sweat. I swipe them over the back pockets of my jeans.

“Hi!” Harry’s not in his work clothes, not in his school clothes either. Faded, light-washed jeans are not something I like, but this day is starting to feel weird, so I might as well throw that out the window too. They’re nice. The t-shirt is nice too. How is he not cold? “You made it.”

“Are you sure this is a good time?”

“I’m free all afternoon,” he chirps. 

“Okay.”

He’s at the same table we worked at last time. When I sit down, he adjusts his glasses, and I notice his nails are painted black again. It’s just a color. Black. And yet he makes it look brand new, like he discovered it. 

“So what questions did you have?”

How do you always look so good? “Um, I don’t like Henry Miller.”

He chuckles. Everything about me is porous, and I absorb him. I can count his teeth, brow hairs, the depth of his dimple; weird how the lines deepening around his eyes are so divinely explicit. He laughs again. “Me too, love.”

When you laugh like that I wanna pass out. “But I don’t know how to write about him like that. Everything I come up with sounds...childish.”

“I think one of the best things you can do is provide examples. Scour the text—believe me, there’s plenty to choose from—that display his character. The whole book is his autobiography with a fictional twist.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I stay in my head, and he waits for me to speak. I feel like he is always waiting for me to talk. “Um, and then the issue of feminism.” I pause and he nods. “One of the things I kept seeing online is that, um, well people were saying that the book upheld women because the man, Henry, he uh…um...”

“Couldn’t get it up?”

It’s not cold in here anymore, oh God. “Uh, yeah...that part.”

“Okay then. Tell me why.”

“What!?”

“How does that make you feel when you read it?”

I shake my head. What I feel? “It’s...shit. A man not, um, performing, does not and should never, be attributed to the value of a woman. Um, some people think this scene gives her...some kind of power or hierarchy. Or that she is this automatic winner. He doesn’t get to...y’know...and all of a sudden there’s a shift. He fails as a man, so by default she wins as a woman. And that’s how she earns her value. That’s gross.”

“Write that down,” Harry says.

“What?”

“That’s very well put. You took reference of the source, gathered your feelings, and produced a well thought-out conclusion. You can clean it up later, but go ahead and write that down before you forget it.”

***

Our conversation veers off the path once the questions I came with are answered, my report pushed aside. I’m much more calm now, and at times forget that we’ve only known each other for a couple months. 

We talk about high school and then books and food. And he’s easy to talk to, I’m reminded. He laughs a lot and blushes a lot. 

At one point he jumps up like a child on Christmas morning, urging me to follow him through the aisles so he can show me a book he just finished reading. There’s something very boy-like about him...very cute and sweet and cuddly. I consider making up questions about my report just to see this again...see him again. 

Soon the sun starts dipping down, casting globes of shadows over the first floor. Ms. Bortnick flicks the lamps on and the room lights up, although there’s still a dark glow of evening around us. I’m busy flipping through Dickenson, looking for a poem I read years ago to show Harry. Once I find it and peer up, I’m frozen. 

He’s standing right below a window, weight leaning on one leg, while he slowly turns the pages of a book. It rests in his open palm, fingers splayed out across the spine and both covers. I gulp. His hands are huge. There’s peace in his reddened cheeks, an artistic contrast to the crease between his brows. Lips are in a content line, and I’m buzzed with the thought that I now know the different looks of his lips. How to others he may appear annoyed or disturbed, but I can tell he’s quite happy. 

He is serene, golden; a lighthouse beckoning me towards him. He picks up stray beams of light and swallows them whole, right before my eyes, without moving a muscle. Strikingly bizarre, his features. He’s one of those you don’t want to stop looking at. So I don’t, until he notices me and smiles, nodding back to our table. 

I keep my finger in place of the page I’m on, but close the book when I sit down. He follows suit after me. 

“D’you find it?”

“Mhmm.” I flip the cover open and spin the book around to face him. 

“Read it.”

It’s a gentle request, soft, with the hint of a question mark at the end. I clear my throat as quietly as possible. 

““Hope” is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all.

And sweetest in the Gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm 

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land 

And on the strangest Sea;

Yet, never, in Extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.”

My heart beats wildly in my chest, and I have to take a moment before looking up at him. He stayed foggy in my peripheral while I recited, mouthing along with his hand lazily hung over his lips, pretending not to know the words. 

“I love that one,” he croons, “haven’t heard it in a while.” He slides the book across the table and starts flipping through the pages. 

I watch his nails dance, and after a minute I have to clear my throat and look away, like I’m watching something I’m not supposed to, and don’t wanna get caught. 

“Ah, here.” His face grows serious, lips sewn together. 

My heart somersaults, because I know I’m about to be gifted with strings of moments filled with his voice. I straighten in my seat and hold my breath. 

“Remorse is a memory awake,

Her companies astir, —

A presence of departed acts

At window and at door. 

It’s past set down before the soul,

And lighted with a match,

Perusal to facilitate 

Of its condensed dispatch. 

Remorse is cureless, — the disease

Not even God can heal;

For ‘t is his institution, —

The complement of hell.”

“I remember that one,” I whisper. There’s something about myself that I suddenly don’t like, and it’s how attractive I find sadness dripping off his tongue. In a much different way than his nails. 

“Yeah,” he sighs, lost in his head. I can practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. “How about something more...upbeat?”

***

We share more poems, and get back to a place where we’re smiling. Although, with each passing moment, Harry grows more and more fidgety. His hands can’t seem to stay still, traveling from his mouth to his neck to his rings. He’s the one who keeps starting new conversation topics, in between finding books, but I’m scared it’s me that’s got him anxious. 

“I uh,” he starts, after he closes one of Edward Lear's books of limericks. His voice has softened like butter. Smooth like whiskey when it’s 2 am. I forget what time it actually is when he looks at me, his eyes watery, and suddenly, I wish I was drunk. “Um. Can I—is it alright if we—” he shakes his head, eyes tired, tongue-tied. “I—”

“There you are!” 

We both jump when a tall, thin guy runs up to our table, out of breath and frantic, he starts tugging on Harry’s arm. 

“C’mon, we’ve got a gig. Last minute. Been tryin’ to call you for an hour. Let’s go.”

Harry’s stuttering, looking between me and who I assume is a friend of some sorts, while he eventually complies with the man’s actions and rises from his seat. 

“I uh, I’m so sorry...turned my phone off…” I can’t tell who he’s talking to, all I know is that he looks devastated for some reason. 

“It’s okay, Harry,” I urge, gathering my things. “We were finished anyway. Thank you for helping me. Again.”

The friend, now standing by the front door, calls Harry’s name repeatedly. Harry’s clearly reluctant in moving towards him, offering up more apologies. 

“It’s fine, really.” I push down the disappointment filling me up, and force a smile on my lips. “Go...do whatever you’ve got to do.”

“Right, right, uh—”

“Let’s go!”

“Well, if you need any more help, just let me know. Just text me whenever. Whenever you want.”

“Harold!”

“I will.”

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll see you then?”

“You’d better go,” I laugh, “he’s about to pop.”

“So am I,” Harry mumbles, and trudges off towards his impatient friend. 

***

Pickles. Pickles are everywhere. All over our counters, in the sink, the table, the chairs. Jars of pickles. On the couch, the floor, the window sill. 

Jessie broke up with Anthony. 

When she broke up with Charles, it was sour kraut. Devin was jello. Kaiden was black licorice. Brian was pomegranate. She should make a scrapbook. 

“One to ten?” I ask, opening a jar of kosher dill. My mouth waters when the salt hits my nose. 

“Five.”

“That’s better than yesterday.” The corners of my jaw tingle unnecessarily when I bite into the green spear. I twitch and wait for it to pass. 

She didn’t go into detail about what happened, or even who broke up with who. I came home from my evening with Harry at the library, to find her amongst a storm of soiled tissues on our couch. 

There isn’t much to a Jessie breakup. She cries, swallows her feelings emotionally, and whatever random food—physically, calls the guy on the phone to tell him he’s a bastard, and then starts looking for someone new.

In the meantime, I pretty much steer clear of her. With Anthony living so far away, I never had to worry about coming home to them undressing in the living room, or shoving my head under the pillow while I tried to fall asleep. But I’m sure it won’t be long until she’s gushing about someone again, so I need to enjoy my boy-free apartment while I can. 

“Y’know, he really pisses me off,” Jessie thinks aloud. She’s sprawled out in the armchair—my chair by the window, where I haven’t sat in a week—with her legs dangling over the side. She bites a pickle in half, and speaks through her chewing. “I mean, here I am, basically just waiting on him every day to call or text or send me a picture...like I really thought he was happy. He got a relationship without all the bells and whistles. Guys dream of that, right?”

I shrug. How the hell should I know?

“Bastard. I’m gonna call him.”

She caps the jar and springs from the chair, slamming the door to her room behind her. 

I just hope the next guy has his own place. 

***

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. New York, I mean. Sometimes it feels like forever, but then I remember my childhood existed elsewhere, high school sucked, and traffic had nothing to do with it. I’m pretty sure each time I leave and go back home, I’ve aged an extra ten years, like I’ve traveled to space and back. I keep finding traces of this city, in every nook and cranny of my life. 

Mom was worried about me when I left. But moms worry about everything. I worry about everything, too. So her not so restrained fears, that she kind of pushed out of her mouth with a hiss, like she wasn’t sure if I was capable of absorbing the truth, didn’t really help me. 

It’s a biiiig city. You’re not used to that. I just don’t want you to get swallowed up. 

She was right. Sort of. Because you don’t move to New York. New York moves into you. It has its own heart and bones and skin, separate from the rest of the country. And soon your own body starts to wrap around this. Your heart becomes more tolerable to grease-soaked dinners at three in the morning. Your bones strengthen like cement so you can stand still through a harsh stop by a train. Your skin grows so thick, any number of insults bounce right off until they hit the pavement. 

What New York hasn’t prepared me for, in the however long I’ve been here time-frame, is Harry Styles in my home. Using the words Harry and home in the same sentence makes me feel like I’ve jumped right into one of the chalk drawings from Mary Poppins. 

Right now he’s standing at the big window, in the exact spot where I like to stand, running his hand over his stubble. He adjusts his glasses, and then I think he sees me in the reflection of the glass because he smirks. I duck my head back down and continue on the dishes. 

It’s an odd string of events that places him here. Odd for other people—not so much me. Jessie apparently badgered Elliot while they were in class, complaining about her breakup, to the point where she convinced him to go out drinking. And then because Elliot doesn’t drink, and Jessie found that reason enough to drink more, I was awoken at midnight to Elliot banging on our door and Jessie singing her own version of The Way You Make Me Feel. And standing behind the two of them, after I swung the door open in my pajamas, while taking my retainer out, and swiping acne cream off my chin, stood Harry. 

Harry was not in his pajamas, and he didn’t have a string of spit connecting his mouth to a piece of plastic, and he didn’t have a giant volcano ready to erupt on his face. 

After Elliot dragged Jessie inside, he was left standing there, a quirky smile on his face while he did a kind of half-wave, short and dry in front of his body, and whispered out a soft hey.

Now it’s one am. I’m doing dishes because I’m nervous with this man in my space. Nervous that he’s going to pick up on details about me that I haven’t given permission to be leant out just yet. We can hear Jessie’s drinks making their way into the toilet, and Elliot encouraging her like she’s in a race. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or my mouth, so I filled the silence and busied my limbs with everything that had piled up in the sink the past few days. If they don’t leave soon, I may have to start washing clean forks and knives. 

“This is a nice view.”

“Yeah,” the word drifts off, mixing and popping with the bubbles in front of my face. 

“I like your apartment.”

“Thanks...most of it’s Jessie’s stuff.”

He nods. “Here, let me…” His face is stern, like he’s preparing to start working on a car engine, and not sliding the dish towel off the counter. He tosses it over his shoulder and starts rolling the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows. I forget where I’m at and what I’m doing and even my name. 

“Oh you don’t have to…” Dear God his nails are still painted. 

“No, no, it’s the least I can do.”

The tendons in his hands pulse, rippling, like when you skip a stone into a calm pond as he dries the first plate. His fingers are long, and there’s generous space between his thumb and the rest of his digits that, for whatever absurd reason, I find attractive. 

We work in relative silence, only the slight sloshing of water and the clinks of his rings on the dishes. I regret not turning the tv on at least, and I can feel us both sorting out conversation topics in our heads. 

“Is that your report?” 

When I look at him, he’s pinching his glasses in his hand, and using a free finger to swipe a few suds that had found their way to the side of his nose. He nods to the coffee table where all of my school works lays in a mess. 

“Yeah, among other things.”

“Mind if I have a look? Have you worked on it since we last talked?”

“I haven’t done much...but go ahead. You may have to dig a little to find it.”

He dries his hands and strides around the counter, sitting on the edge of the couch. His sleeves are still rolled up—a blood orange sweater, and charcoal slacks that rise up to reveal matching socks. He picks through piles of paper and folders and flash cards until he finds what he’s looking for. A few of his curls fall and I can only see the bottom half of his face. 

I finish washing before he’s done reading. And on a random act of impulse—there’s that New York in me—I dry my hands and make my way over to Harry. 

“The quote you added, on the third page,” he sweeps his hair off his forehead when I sit down in the chair beside the couch, “brilliant.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you did an excellent job. And honestly, the entire thing, it’s incredible. It’s easy to talk about your opinion, but it’s difficult to actually back it up. You make it look easy.”

“I can assure you it’s not.”

He laughs without looking up. When he finishes and sets my paper down, he starts sifting through all the other work laid out before him. “How’s your chemistry class going? Didn’t you say you were having trouble?”

“Oh that was at the beginning of the semester. I think I was just overwhelmed.” I swallow and push my brows together. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Well, yeah,” he laughs bashfully. His elbow rests on his knee, cradling his face in his hand with his mouth hidden by the heel of his palm. He blinks slowly, and his Adam’s apple bobs. “How about the homework for our class, the analysis on Slaughterhouse Five?”

“I finished that this morning, uh, I squint down at the table until I remember, “oh it’s in my bag.” I point to the space beside him where my school bag lays on the floor. “It’s right in there. You can look over it if you want.”

He slides my bag over and props it up on his lap, and I keep a hurdle of curses from leaving my mouth when my phone ringing beside the sink startles me. I hurry over to the kitchen only to see it’s just a voicemail from school, reminding me to register for next semester. On my way back, Harry’s face is set into a frown. 

“Are you—did you find it? I thought I put it in there?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he holds up a piece of paper, “I got it.”

When I sit back down it takes him a moment to drag his eyes off me, clearing his throat and straightening his glasses, then reading over the one page we were supposed to write. 

“Very good, well thought out,” he nods along to his comments, “I like your comparison to Ubick...you made really insightful connections.”

“So...I’ll get an A, right?”

“Yeah,” he laughs, slipping the page back into my bag. After he zips it up, we’re sitting in silence again, but not for long. “So, I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Harry clears his throat, and shifts on the couch to better face me, “would you—”

“Oh my God, don’t ever let me drink again.” Jessie hobbles through the bathroom door, Elliot right behind her as he helps her to her room. 

“What were you saying?” I ask once they’re gone. 

“I—”

“That was intense. Horrific, actually.” Elliot bounds into the living room, plopping down beside Harry with a dramatic sigh. “And she only had like, four drinks!”

“Yeah she’s a lightweight. She doesn’t think she is, but I’ve spent many long nights holding her hair back for hours because of a shot or two.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Elliot asks. 

“No I’ve got her from here. Thank you for getting her home, Elliot.”

“Anytime,” he chirps. “Okay, well,” he pats Harry’s thigh, “we’ll get out of your hair.”

“Uh, yeah,” Harry adds, pushing up from the couch with his friend. “I’ll see you in class Monday, y/n. 

“I’m sorry you spent your night drying dishes.”

“What are you talking about? It’s basically a hobby of mine.” The words are cool when they slip out, but it takes me a second to register the joke before I laugh. 

“Thanks again,” I say while opening the front door. 

“No problem,” Elliot assures me. “Hey, tell Jessie I like her tattoo.”

“She showed you her tattoo?”

“She showed the whole bar her tattoo.”

All I can do is shake my head and laugh. 

“I’ll see you.” Harry’s movements are much more collected than Elliot’s. When I look past the threshold of the apartment, to the pair of them standing there, I have to hold back a smile that I don’t want to have to explain. It seems like Harry and Elliot are just...altered versions of me and Jessie. A bit opposite—Harry’s hands are stuffed in his pockets while he rocks on his feet, and Elliot pulls a miniature Rubik’s cube from his jacket. 

“Bye, Harry.”

When he nods his dimple grows, and I know he’s fighting a smile. 

***

The bell over the door jingles, and I force my eyes to stay focused on the menu hanging over the counter, and not acknowledge the attention I’ve drawn to myself. In a few strides, I’m across the room and waiting behind a short, bald man to order a sandwich. 

My foot taps impatiently on the sticky floor, and I second guess my decision in coming here. It’s a little everything shop on the street corner by my dentist. And by everything, I’m including the line of ants crawling up the wall. It’s one of those places where layers of paint and wallpaper disguise the previous month’s investor. A seafood diner, an El Salvadoran bakery, pawn shop, and most recently—and with a wash of baker-miller pink slapped on—Don’s Place. 

It’s eerie and unnerving inside, but cheap, and I didn’t want to eat all day before my teeth cleaning, so I’m kind of desperate at the moment. Light chatter fills the space, until someone starts coughing, and the strident atmosphere this place held disappears. When it’s ready, my order is nearly tossed to me over the counter. I grab the once frozen sandwich and fries before they hit the floor, and find a cramped two-seater booth in the corner of this place. I’m right below an air vent, so I keep my jacket on. 

I pick the lettuce, that I asked not to have, off before taking a bite, and it doesn’t take long, now that I’m settled and still, for my mind to drift to Harry. He’s really set up camp in my brain—but I’m not complaining. My daydreams are stirring, a little less innocent than I’m used to, and at times I have to catch myself from drifting too far off. Even when he’s right in front of me in class, I wander, practically drowning in my own imagination, getting washed away in him. And I think he notices...I’m not sure if he knows what I’m thinking about, but judging by the smirk he gives when he calls my name, I think he might

Jessie keeps teasing me too, and it’s getting harder to keep my composure. All she has to do is stare at me for a few seconds after I come back from class, and I break. I’ll tell her what he was wearing, what words sounded particularly better from his accent, what questions he asks me in class. I don’t ever answer, just mumble out a come back to me, which spares me until the next class. 

I’m rapidly finding a reason for addiction in every minuscule movement he makes. How domestication and carnal activity fuse together under his touch. Pushing his glasses up his nose is both endearing and erotic. The way his tongue hovers over his teeth when deciding his words is hypnotic and wholesome Quickly, he is turning into an adoration. He’s really almost too good to be true, and not the arrogant son of a bitch I pegged him as when we first met. 

“Hey.”

I jump. This time his voice is not in my head. I force the bite down my throat and smile. “H—hi.”

“I uh,” Harry starts, eyes glistening, “saw you come in. Just thought I’d say hi.”

“Oh—yeah, hi, um—”

“Can I sit?”

“Yeah, sure,” I squeak.

He sits himself across from me, and I notice the flush creeping up his chest. His fingers dance all around each other, and his energy alone makes me nervous. 

He gulps in a breath and smiles awkwardly. “How are you?” He asks. 

“I’m good, just,” I nudge my half-eaten sandwich, “stopped for lunch.”

“That’s good, uh, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.”

“Okay…”

“You—I mean I—” he clears his throat. “Would you like to go out sometime? Just...nothing fancy, the two of us? Not school related? Is that something you would like?”

If I’m being honest, I have many regrets in life. Too many to count. Most too personal to share. If there’s one moment I could do over again, it is this one. I don’t know it yet, though. 

I don’t know it as I scramble out of the booth, as I blurt out something about how I have to go, as I weave through this disgusting place, my feet sticking to the floor, plowing through the door. 

I run all the way home. He only calls me twice, and when a third never shows up on my phone, I start to cry. 

It’s such a weird place to be in. When you know you’re right in the middle of a mistake. 

If there’s one moment I could do over again, it would be the night he came into the bookstore. 

*******************************************************************************************

Thank you for beta reading for me!!! @cosmospy @aileenacoustic @afterstylesmadeit

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@iambabyharry @whyisthisathingcb @staceystoleyourheart @afterstylesmadeit @wastedsweetcreature @reality-whoneedsit

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[osleyakomwonkru]

The Octavia Blake Guide to Surviving Lockdown (and What Comes Next)

So it’s been six weeks in isolation. I think? Time has long since become irrelevant. The world is stressed. I’m stressed. Not so much about the coronavirus itself, but everything else surrounding the situation. The isolation. The uncertainty. Society losing its shit. What the world will look like when it is all over, because everything will change whether we want it to or not.

You know, all that fun stuff our favourite characters on The 100 deal with each episode.

Which brings me to this post. What Would Octavia Blake Do?

I mean, she’s got the experience. Sixteen years of isolation in a single room, followed by a year of isolation in another room, then about six months on the ground, followed by six years locked under the ground... she knows better than anyone how to survive these sorts of trying times.

So here we have it - famous Octavia quotes and how to apply them to our current situation. Mostly serious, part irreverent, all of it a homage to the fact that stories matter and can help us figure out how to deal with this messy thing called life.

“A warrior doesn’t worry about what she can’t control.”

This is a mantra I repeat to myself many times a day. Sometimes I believe it. It’s hard. But it really is the only way to keep yourself sane these days. The world has turned upside down, but you can’t control it. You can only control yourself.

I can’t control that 75% of my income earning potential vanished overnight. I can control how I budget the remaining 25%, credit cards and looking into new income streams.

I can’t control that I’m stuck in a country I was supposed to leave this week for however long this continues to go on. I can try and learn to love it again, because we’re going to be spending more time together.

So what else can I do to keep myself healthy and sane? Let’s look at what Octavia does.

Train. One of the first things I started doing as soon as the lockdown started in mid-March was set up an exercise plan. Now, I don’t typically “exercise” in my normal life. I just walk everywhere I need to go and call that good enough. But now that I’m not really doing that, I have to find a way to do so indoors. I started out with three half-hour Zumba sessions per day, and now I’ve worked my way into more specific and targeted workout sessions. YouTube is a godsend. Every type of exercise you could think of, in any time length you want, you can find there. I’m doing abs, arms, more squats than I’ve ever done in my life, kickboxing, etc.

Read. See all those books on your shelves collecting dust? Yeah, read them now. I haven’t been following this advice as much as I should, but I’m making an effort to get better. I have so many unread books and I really should read them. If you’re one of those strange people who don’t have unread books, embrace the opportunities that sites like Project Gutenberg provide and read all the classics online for free. Octavia loves the classics.

Eat healthy. I hadn’t eaten at home for six months before this all started, so I had to refill my pantry and remember how to cook. Keeping your body healthy is important. Get your fruits and vegetables. Also ensure a protein source. Don’t go full on prepper, don’t hoard, but if shit hits the fan and you want to avoid the Dark Year happening in real life, make sure you have a few jars of peanut butter and/or a few packs of beef jerky stashed away for a rainy day. Your neighbours will thank you.

“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.” (Get knocked down, get back up)

At the beginning of this year, no one could have predicted what the state of the world is right now. People made plans. People started putting their plans into action.

Enter coronavirus.

Everything changes.

I actually had a plan for this year. I was going to leave here this week, go back to Canada for six months, then move to Spain. Well... I don’t know what’s going to happen now. And because of the uncertainty, I can’t know. This has made me so mad, because for the first time in years I had a strategy for the changes I wanted to make in my life, and now they’d all been shot to sunshine.

Some days you have to just scream. (Or cry and spend the day eating quesadillas in a blanket fort. True story.) But then after that happens, you have to brush yourself off, get up again and keep going.

Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.

I’m not making any plans further than today. I know that’s an exercise in futility right now. All I can do is focus on what I can control (see above point) and continue to focus on that and what I can do for myself until there are things that I can do in the world again.

Moral of the story: Yes, there are going to be shitty days. You’ve probably already had a bunch of them. But you have to pick yourself up again and keep going when they’re over. You might feel like you want to give up. Heaven knows Octavia’s felt like that a lot of times. But she still kept going. If she stubbornly fought through a cliff dive with a stab wound and a quicksand pool of Orbeez, we can handle some uncertainty and delayed life plans.

“The sword doesn’t care what you meant, it just cuts.”

Time to step onto a soapbox for a bit.

Some world leaders and governments have done admirably with dealing with this crisis. Some have done okay. Some have done so fucking awful at their jobs and continue to spout nonsense from their podiums that it is going to cause real people to die. (Not naming any names, but I’m sure you know what I mean.)

Octavia is the only character on this show who understands that when you’re in a tough situation, what your intentions are doesn’t matter, it is only the results that do. This is applicable to our situation today in a twofold manner.

Point One: We can only control our own actions. That means being a responsible citizen, following public health guidelines. Stay home. If you have to go out, practice social distancing and any other recommendations set out by your public health authority. You might say you’re young and healthy, you’re not concerned about if you get the virus, but it is not about you. You could be asymptomatic and not know it. You might not mean to get someone else sick - someone who is more vulnerable - but it could still happen if you don’t behave responsibly. So take ownership of your actions and do what you can to minimize the spread.

Which brings us to Point Two: You can’t control other’s actions, but you can hold them accountable for them. Which in this situation mostly means your country’s leaders. Do not forget how they responded to this crisis. Remember. Remember when it is time to vote. Did they do a good job or did they do a bad job? How many people lived or died because of what they said? Did they follow the advice of medical experts? And so on. This isn’t a time for party politics, this is a time for “can we rely on this leader to do what’s right for the people of this country when we’re in a crisis?” If the answer is no, vote for somebody else.

The same applies to non-governmental leaders - leaders of business and charities and everything else that you can think of. Remember who stepped up and helped people when and how they needed it. Remember who didn’t. Remember who actively made lives worse. Budget your money accordingly.

“Kom folau oso na gyon op.” (From the ashes we will rise)

This will pass.

When, we don’t know. How, we don’t know. But all we can do is work on ourselves and make ourselves as strong as we can for whatever the future brings us. 

Some people are optimists, believing that this will usher in a new world where more people understand the challenges that others have always faced with things like mental health or physical disabilities and issues of accessibility and so on. Where more people will be aware of the dangers of climate change. Where people who are now coming together online and building hope and change will continue to do so in person when we can leave our homes and meet up with others again.

Some people are pessimists, believing the world will collapse and we’ll enter into a post-apocalyptic scenario like The 100 or any of the other dozens of post-apocalyptic media offerings out there. Where it’ll be every person for themselves and panic and destruction will reign supreme.

You don’t have to speculate on the different scenarios. That’s not helpful right now. All you can do is work on yourself and make yourself ready for whatever the future will throw at us, and do your part in making a positive one.

This could be the point of lockdown where you’re starting to move out of the panic phase of ensuring survival, and are able to move into higher-level brain function again. If you’re not, that’s okay, it could still take some time. If you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are people out there who can help. Just remember that this is a process, a process of so many different emotions, sometimes on a loop, sometimes all at once in a flurry of chaos, and that’s okay.

Take care of yourself. Survive. Find a new normal.

Octavia’s journey in season six was about shedding the pain and trauma of her old life, and finding a new one to believe in. Until she did that, she didn’t have to worry about the greater plot nonsense that was going on. That’s our journey now too. The world is changing. How, we don’t know yet. But take this time to make yourself strong for whatever is to come, because whichever scenario wins out, a strong you will always be beneficial.

Ste yuj. (Stay strong.) Because humanity is resilient. And from the ashes, we will rise.

[piixelatedpastries]

Sorry not sorry but I need all 93 of those for my baby blue bird please and thank you!

OMG that took foreverrrrrrr!!!! Here you go!

93 questions…read below cut at your own risk!

Basics:

1. What is their gender?  Female

 2. What is their sexuality? Straight

 3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames? She was given the name Blue Reign by the fire chief because she arrived in the middle of the largest storm the city had seen, a storm that ended the day of her arrival. Cache calls her Blue Bird or Little Blue Bird

 4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with? None that they know

 5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives? Non existent, she doesn’t know who her parents are.

 6. What would they give their life for? Her unborn baby

 7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet? Nope

 8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? Not something she thinks of too much, but no she doesn’t really believe in an afterlife.

 9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?  Her favorite color is red and her favorite animal is the elephant

 10. What are some of their talents/skills?  She secretly writes poetry

 11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

 12. How old are they? When is their birthday? 18 years old October 10th

 13. What do they do for fun? She loves playing video games and swimming…anything outdoors really

 14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it? Steak and twice baked potatoes and almost never it’s too expensive, her favorite go to though is cheeseburgers, the greasier and cheesier the better. She eats those all the time.

 15. What was something their parents taught them? That kids were disposable

 16. Are they religious? Nope

 17. Where were they born? New York is all she knows for certain, she assumes City of Dreams since that is where she was left.

 18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages? Just English

 19. What is their occupation? Waitress at 2 men and a griddle

 20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?  no

 Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality? She can be very blunt

 22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality? She can be very blunt

 23. Do they get lonely easily? In a way she has been lonely her entire life, but not being lonely means trusting and that’s very hard for her.

 24. Do you know their MBTI type? INFP would be maybe closest?

 25. What is their biggest flaw? She doesn’t always think things through completely

 26. Are they aware of their flaws? She usually sees it after the fact but in the moment not so much

 27. What is their biggest strength? She’s very passionate about what is important to her

 28. Are they aware of their strengths? She doesn’t see it so much as a strength

 29. How would they describe their own personality?  Loves to laugh and have fun, kind of moody at times…general pain in the ass.

 30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”? Fight

 31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this? She is learning to with the baby she is carrying, and she has in foster care before helping other people that were being treated unfairly.

 32. What is their self esteem like? Pretty low in most ways

 33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it? Ending up a complete failure, she is doing everything she can not to have to face that, although she already has in a way with getting pregnant.

 34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?  They don’t trust anyone with their secrets, Cache is the only one she has trusted in the past and that was years ago so she’s wary of trusting him now because as she would say “people are always changing.”

 35. What is the easiest way to annoy them? Chew with your mouth open

 36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous. She has a corny sense of humor.   A type of joke she would tell…2 men walk into a bar the third one ducks..

 37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

She has never said it to anyone

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Hmmm if you ask her no one has ever admired her, but a girl in the home she was in last looked up to her because she was always standing up to the adult caretakers telling them off when they were treating people unfair, and she got into more than one fight protecting younger kids from older bullies.

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

Learning to love and trust enough to fall in love and make real friends, raising her baby to be healthy and loved and well-adjusted and being able to give him or her everything she didn’t have.

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual? Cache would be the only one she even kind of trusts..and she don’t know yet..

 Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?  She is definitely a giggler and yes she gives little tiny snorts if she laughs hard.. lately she doesn’t laugh much.

 42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her eyes

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her freckles

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

She has a scar on her thigh from a kid that pulled a knife in one of the homes and tried to violate her, he was caught before it went too far (is there such a thing really?) and sent away. She also has a few small circular burns on her left shoulder, from a foster mom that thought she needed the devil removed when she was young. She won’t speak about either incident.

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

A freckled mess

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

She has no problem acting happy or being excited, deeper emotions though she keeps very close to her chest, she’s not the kind of girl that lets just anyone see her hurt or cry because she views vulnerability as weakness and weakness has always been dangerous to show.

47.  What’s their pain tolerance like? Pretty high actually

 48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos? nope

 49. Do they have any piercings? Just her ears

 50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?

Whatever she can afford at the thrift store. Thrift store fumpulous !

51. What is their height? Weight? 4 ft 10 inches 80 lbs

 52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

Too thin

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

Light brown hair, very blue eyes, ivory skin

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle? Pony tail  she’s had it cut short before, but prefers it longer.

 55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

Pretty high for her size but that doesn’t say much..she is a very rowdy drunk and doesn’t get hangovers

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

Soft vanilla except after work..then she smells like a diner…

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

Not a virgin but hasn’t had a good sexual experience

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

Gonna have to say her eyes?

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

Definitely has a resting bitch face probably because she is so guarded all the time..

60. Describe the way they sleep.

Well she use to sleep with her arms tucked under her on her stomach, now she has to sleep on her side or back

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Spring because its fresh and new

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

Too many times to count and she doesn’t trust

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Sweets generally do the trick..

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

Normally she gets cold very easily..now she is more likely to overheat

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

Hardly ever gets sick but when she does she is miserable

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there? City of Dreams, New York.  Its where she’s always lived so there is comfort in the familiar.

 67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

Nope her home is pretty poor and old and run down but she tries to keep it tidy

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

She grew up in a lot of chaos and nothing ever being hers really, so she is very attached to her stuff and needs a space that is quiet and just hers.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

Most people taught her to be wary of people to not trust anyone, but Cache taught her that there were some good out there..and also gave her the bravery to stand up for others after he left.

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets? She loves animals but doesn’t have time for a pet.

 71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

She is pregnant now, but hasn’t really been around small children since she was a child herself..

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort?

She wants both but forced to choose she would choose stability

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

Thunderstorms so yes she loves them

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She’d fill it with words

76. How organized are they?

With stuff very organized..with her life and time management..not at all

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her journal

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?  I guess Cache but she wouldn’t call him a best friend because they just reconnected..just the only friend she has at this time

 79. What is their economic situation? Very poor

 80. Are they a morning person or a night owl? Night owl

 Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

Nope

82. What is their handwriting like?

delicate

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

She adores swimming so yes and she can swim pretty good

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Envy I guess? Because she envies those who have easier lives and families and such

85. Do they believe in ghosts? Nope

 86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

She doesn’t celebrate either

87. What is something they regret?

Meeting Chris

88. Do they have an accent?

No

89. What is their D&D alignment? Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Good…depends on the day..so probably definitely Chaotic neutral lol

 90. Are they right or left handed?

Right handed

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

A meme? Not sure really

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

Why do you do this?

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?  Blue is my name not my state of mind..

[withpowercomesfxn]

(Templete made by @izukulove

Character Profile

Full name: Eliza Shirogane

Pronunciation: Eli-za Shiro-gane

Meaning of Name: N/A

Hero/Villain Name: Kir

Nicknames: Star, Air-head, Liz, Lizzy

History of Nicknames: Katsuki(Star, Air-head) Sister, Izuku(Lizzy) Everyone (Liz)

Aliases: N/A

Nationality: English/Japanese

Affiliation: Hero

Student Number: Class 1-A 21

Quirk: Wolf Kirby

Birthday and Astrology Sign: February 14th, Aquarius

Age: 17

How old do they look: 12

Mental Age: 18 (sometimes 12)

Gender: Female

Orientation/Sexuality Preference: Bisexual

Birth date: 02/14/2003

Birth place: Inaba, Japan

Death date: N/A

Death place: N/A

Appearance: Bright blue eyes that have galaxy catchlights, Tannish Skin, brown hair, brown wolf ears and tail.

Eye color: (stated above)

Eye shape: Big and round

Do they wear contacts or glasses?: Nope

Hair: Brown

Height: 5’2-3ft

Weight: 127lbs

Body build: slim

Body shape: hourglass

Complexion: fair and sun kissed

Cup size: DDD

Blood Type: O+

Handedness: Right handed

Hand type: small and petite

Nails: normal

Movement: Normal

How do they walk: often seen skipping

Posture: Perfect

Flexibility: Pretty flexible.

Voice: Sweet

Speech Mannerisms: N/A

Scars: On her back and stomach

Birthmarks: She has all the copy ability symbols around her waist

Piercings: none

Tattoos: none

General face structure:  Generic

Defining physical traits: her wolf ears and tail

Statistics:

Power: ★★★★★★S  

Speed: ★★★☆☆ C

Technique: ★★★★☆ B  

Intelligence: ★★★★★★S

Cooperativeness: ★★☆☆☆ D

Extra Explanation: A bit stubborn, she will often try to work alone or with only one person.

Quirk and description: Wolf Kirby-The user is able to use the various copy abilities of popular gamer series Kirby. Any ability in the main series is available to her as long as she has played and beaten the game containing any new ability. Once a day she is able to transform into the pink puffball herself. Along with this she has wolf ears and tail, with the heighten senses a wolf has. Drawbacks include Fatigue, headaches, migranes, increased pulse(which can be deadly if it goes over 250), and possibilty of fainting. She doesn’t mind cats but she could care less. She has heat attacks every month(one week she will be confined to her room). Having access to the Hyper Nova ability shall only be used in extreme circumstances, as it can only be used in her Kirby form, and its limited to 15 minutes. Once thats up she turn to normal and will have every drawback hit at once. If not cooled down she will die.

Clothing: Anything fashionable or something she made.

Uniform: the usual outfit with black stockings and a black garter belt to hold them up, and a pair of blue headphone around her neck.

Casual outfit: Off the shoulder grey sweater that goes over her hands, a skirt that has suspenders that dangle down. Stripped stockings and knee high boots.

Preferred outfit: Anything super comfortable

Hero costume: Hero costume is pink with a frilly skirt that is super stretchy and breathable. It has a sheer midsection to show off her birthmarks.

Equipment / Support Items: Gloves that are padded to help her with hand to hand.

Characteristics: The skirt has small stars littered on it.

Personality: Seemingly childish but very sweet and often is found helping others.

Myers-Briggs Type: (I can’t do the damn test so I’ll figure this out later and update this)

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Big Five personality traits: Childish, Sweet, Kind, Smart, Supportive

Enneagram: Perfectionist

Most prominent personality trait: Childish

Best traits: Sweetness, Kindness

Worst traits: Overly Childish

Likes: Her big sister, Eraserhead, underground heroes, Mirkuro, trees, stars, food, Hound Dog, Cats(To a degree)

Dislikes: Villains, people who take her food, bullies, Cats(to a degrees(

Quirks: Will often wolf, yip, bark, or awoo when happy

Fear: Being left by her sister, never being good enough, losing her sister, losing her friends

Hobbies: Playing games(Especially Kirby-its how she gets her new abilities)

Skills/Talents: Sewing and Baking

Strengths: Loyalty, never-ending affection

Weaknesses: Never thinks about how something will affect her

Reason to keep on living: Her Big sister, her friends

What is their self-image like: At first it was highly negative, after the Sports Festival it became much more positive.

Any religious or spiritual faith: She is aware but doesn’t devote time to it

How does this faith / lack of affect them: It doesn’t

What superstitions do they have: None

Coping mechanisms: She will curl up in a ball around anything she finds in her room and take deep breaths.

Any life motto or quote they live by: Life without Smiles would be deathly boring

Favorite things: Food, Sweets, Kirby

Health: She’s pretty healthy

Physical: 110%

Mental: 75%

Emotional Stability: 89%

If faced with crisis, what is their go-to: Fight

Nutrition: Its horrible. Someone help

Her. She has a scarily high metabolism thanks to her quirk but still- she needs help

Habits: She hugs her tail.

Family History: Sister is a pro hero and had to take care of her often after both their parents and grandfather died

History, Background, and Future:

0-4: Parents died, received her quirk

5-8: People bullied her for not being like her sister

9-11: The bullying grew worse, becoming psychical

12-14: Was put into a 2 week coma because a group of bullies went to far

15-Present: Attending UA, head held high.

Did they like their upbringing: She wished her sister was there more, and she loves her regardless.

How has their upbringing shape them: It made her very carefree about herself despite the bullying

What did they enjoy most about their childhood?: The times she spent with her sister

What did they hate most about their childhood?: never being able to know her parents or grandfather

Current Dream: she wants to be a pro hero like her sister

Long-term goals for Future: Be in the top 20 pro heroes

Home: She is in the dorms

Home Life as a Kid: Often raised by the pro heroes her sister knew

Home Life Now: Perfect

Quick Family background: Older sister can control the four elements- water, fire, earth, and air Parents and grandfather unknown

Any Friends: Izuku, Mina, Momo, Shoto, Katsuki, Kirishima, Monama,

Any Family: Naoto Shirogane(Big Sister)

Relationships: None

OC Family Character- Luna Chisaki

  Status: Teacher

  How well they get along: Fairly well

  What OC thinks of them: Luna thinks she is a bit childish

  What they thinks of OC: She believes she is pretty cool

  What OC calls them: Little Pup

  What they call OC: Chi-chan, Sensei, Raven

Canon Character- Naoto Shirogane

  Status: Older Sister

  How well they get along: they get along great

  What OC thinks of them: Naoto admires how headstrong Liz can be

  What they thinks of OC: Liz looks up to her sister often

  What OC calls them: Lizzy, lil sis

  What they call OC: Big sis, Nao-Nee, Nee, Naoto

[nostalgiaispeace]

1755.

GENERAL WOMANHOOD:

1. Do you like the color pink?

yeah

2. How easily do you cry?

very easily

3. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad?

nothing

4. How often do you experience boob sweat?

too often now

5. What time of month is your time?

the end

6. How moody are you when you are on your period?

very

7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? yeah 8. Have you ever been on the pill? yes 9. Have you ever thought about having children someday? What is your current opinion? yes, i want a baby 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? no 11. How much do you like decorating for holidays? not really my thing 12. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? an alright one 13. What is your favorite thing to cook? pesto 14. Do you prefer cooking, baking, or both equally? baking 15. Can you sew? i think i still can 16. How feminine do you consider yourself? not very 17. Have you ever been told that you are too girly or feminine? no 18. Do you consider yourself a feminist? not really. 19. How do you define “girl power”? a woman doing what she wants 20. How much of a neat freak are you? not much of one 21. How you ever wished you were born a male? only when i have my period 22. Breastfeeding or formula? both are fine 23. What is your opinion of equal pay? no politics here please 24. What is one profession you think needs more women? - 25. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? pro life 26. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. not that i’m aware of 27. Have you ever been called a blabbermouth or a chatterbox? a chatterbox

28. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? idk 29. Is there anything you dislike about being a woman? periods

30. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I am a woman because ______. i was born this way

LIFE EXPERIENCES:

31. Did you ever play with Barbie dolls as a child?

yes

32. Have you ever dotted lowercase Js and Is with hearts or smiley faces?

probably

33. Have you ever been a Girl Scout?

yeah

34. Have you ever been a ballerina?

No

35. Have you ever been a cheerleader?

No

36. Were you ever voted as homecoming or prom queen?

no

37. Have you ever hosted a sleepover?

yeah

38. Do you belong to a sorority?

No

39. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal?

yeah

40. At what age did you get your first period?

11

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

41. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Would you ever grow it that long again?

to my butt and probably not

42. Have you had a hairstyle above the eyebrows?

no

43. What hairstyle do you wear the most?

a bun

44. Have you ever died your hair? If so, how often?

yes, not often anymore

45. What is the heaviest you remember ever weighing?

fml

46. How muscular are you?

not at all

47. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your earlobes?

not anymore

48. Do you have any tattoos? If you, where are they and what are they of?

yes, i have 9 on different parts of my body

49. Do you like wearing lipstick or lip gloss? If so, how often do you wear them?

no

50. How often do you paint your nails?

i paint my toes when they need to be

51. Have you ever worn any fake nails?

yeah

52. Have you ever worn fake eyelashes?

no

53. How often do you shave or wax your legs?

whenever

54. How white are your teeth?

they’re fine

55. Have you ever been told that you look like a certain celebrity?

yeah

56. How much do you look like your mother?

idk

57. How much do you look like your father?

i’ve been told i look like him

58. What do you think is your best physical feature?

nothing

59. What do you think is your worst physical feature?

my body

60. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions?

no

FASHION STYLE: 61. What type of clothing do you own the most of? tshirts 62. How big is your closet? normal sized 63. Have you ever looked through your closet and though “I have nothing to wear”? well yeah 64. What is your favorite fashion brand? i don’t have one 65. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? dresses and for special occasions 66. What is your dress size? large 67. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? knee length 68. How expensive was your prom dress? - 69. What is the most expensive piece of clothing you currently own? my wedding dress 70. Do you wear high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often? not really 71. Have you ever worn high heels casually? yeah 72. How often do you take an OOTD (outfit of the day) selfie? Never. 73. Have you ever worn the exact same outfit from head to toe more than once? yeah 74. How often do you wear a bra when out in public? lol never 75. How often do you wear a bra when bumming it at home? never 76. When you get home from work, how soon does your bra typically come off? - 77. Have you ever carried a spare bra with you in your purse? No 78. Which are you more likely to go without: A bra or panties? bra 79. Does it matter to you if your bra and panties match or not? no 80. What type of underwear do you typically wear? comfortable ones 81. How much of your underwear is white? a good amount 82. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse? no 83. Do you like eyeshadow? Sure 84. Do you like mascara? Yeah 85. How much makeup do you typically wear? ether none or just a little 86. Have you every gone out in public without any makeup on? yes 87. How much jewelry do you typically wear? 2 88. Is there any kind of jewelry you pretty much always wear? my wedding bands 89. Do you carry a purse at all? Yes 90. Do you like tube and halter tops? no 91. Do you like crop tops? no 92. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage? no 93. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? bikinis 94. Does it matter to you if your bikini top matches the bottom? no

WEDDING CRAZE:

95. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? If so, how often?

yes, onces

96. Do you have any desires to get married?

well i am so

97. For how long have you thought about your wedding?

i thought about it for a while

98. How much of your wedding do you have planned out already?

it’s over fam

99. Would you rather have a big or a small wedding?

i had a small one

100. Would you rather have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple?

i have zero

101. Would you rather have an indoor or an outdoor wedding? Does the same go for the reception?

mine was outdoor

DATING & RELATIONSHIPS:

102. What is your current relationship status?

married

103. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever had?

7 years

104. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic at all?

yes

105. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to?

no, male

106. What personality trait are you most attracted to?

strength

107. Have you ever been on a blind date?

no

108. Has anyone you know ever tried to set you up on a date?

yeah

109. Do you use any dating apps? If so, have they ever worked out for you?

no

110. Do you kiss on the first date?

no

111. How often do guys hit on you?

not often

112. Have women ever hit on you?

yeah

114. Have you ever kissed another woman while sober? If so, did you like it?

yes and no

115. Have you ever dated another woman?

No

116. After how long of dating do you typically consider a relationship to be serious?

idk

117. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate, flowers, both, or something else?

chocolate

118. Are you friends with any of your exes?

yes

119. Is sex before marriage wrong?

technically

ENTERTAINMENT: 120. What celebrity do you most admire and why? Lana 121. Do you like romantic comedies? Do you have any favorites? yes, the holiday 122. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? yes 123. Who is your favorite Disney princess? Belle 124. What is your favorite Disney song? don’t have one 125. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? No 126. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? I have not 127. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model? ANTM 128. Do you like watching any beauty pageants such as Miss America? no 129. Do you like watching the red carpet arrivals before award ceremonies? duh 130. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? neither 131. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? neither

A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 132. Are you named after anyone? No 133. How many male friends do you have? 3 134. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends? no 135. Have you ever called your friend friends your ‘girlfriends’? no 136. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, babe, dear, or darling? no 137. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design? none i don’t think 138. Have you ever scoffed at something because you thought it wasn’t feminine enough? no 139. How healthy do you eat? not that healthy 140. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: Clutched in your hand, on your elbow, or on your shoulder? shoulder 141. Besides you phone, money, wallet, and keys, name five things you always have with you in your purse. chapstick, mask, fidget, pen, shopping list

142. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse? yes 143. Have you ever used your bra or your cleavage as a purse or a pocket? no 144. Do you consider shopping a sport no 145. Do you shop more in physical walk-in stores or online? online 146. What is the most amount of money you remember ever spending in one single shopping trip? a couple hundred 147. How often do you have a girls’ night out? never

148. Do you prefer coffee or tea? coffee 149. How polite do you consider yourself? i hope decently polite 150. Can you do the splits? No 151. Do you like doing any yoga? no 152. Have you ever been told that you have cute handwriting? i don’t think so 153. How well can you write in cursive? well enough 154. Have you ever successfully been on a diet? no 155. Do you currently or have you ever belonged to a book club? no 156. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticked by using your looks? No. 157. Have you ever drunk a non-alcoholic beverage from a wine glass? no 158. Do you prefer showers or baths? Showers 159. Have you ever snorted while laughing? yeah 160. How strict are you about manners? a normal amount

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, mostly in order from the start of 02 to...eventually. Even so, this is still a pretty damn long list. My original aim was for 30 songs, but...uh, yeah, I surpassed that pretty quickly. It’s around 75 now. Yikes. So I split it up.

I have problems with self-control. Especially when it comes to my babies.

Part 1 specifically covers from the start of 02 to just after the defeat of the Digimon Kaiser.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourself, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken...as I am wont to do.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan

I think I got a lot of friends But I don't hear from them What's another night all alone When you're spending every day on your own

I envision this as Daisuke’s life before becoming one of the Chosen, before meeting Ken. It’s pretty well established that Taichi and Hikari are the only legitimate friends he has during that time, aside from (possibly) his soccer teammates, but he’s not close with any of them. And worse, his home life is obviously not great: His parents ignore him, and his sister irritates him just to irritate him. That may seem like a normal brother/sister relationship, but a 17-year-old slapping her 11-year-old isn’t normal or healthy.

The truth is, Daisuke has no legitimate example of healthy family interactions, and in some ways, his home life is as emotionally abusive as Ken’s was. His parents insult him (his father calls him his “stupid son” when Ken first visits) and ignore him (Daisuke repeatedly says his parents wouldn’t notice if he didn’t come home and lies to them to avoid spending time at home), so he has no idea how to respond to compliments.

This also means that he latches on to the people he cares about, much the same way Jun latches on to attractive boys. He idolizes Taichi (calling him senpai when speaking with him directly), and he constantly seeks attention from Hikari. Since we don’t know what Daisuke and Hikari’s relationship was like before Takeru shows up, it’s all speculation, but Daisuke was probably way less aggressive and possessive of her before someone came to try to take his one friend away.

So Daisuke has no idea how to show affection (whether familial, platonic, or romantic) in a normal, healthy way. He’s never had a close friend (or any real friends probably), and he’s never been close with any of his family. He’s actually lived an incredibly lonely life.

“Dark Blue” by Jack’s Mannequin

This flood This flood is slowly rising up Swallowing the ground Beneath my feet Tell me how anybody thinks Under this condition So I'll swim, I'll swim As the water rises up Sun is sinking down

Similarly, this functions as Ken’s theme song for events prior to the start of 02. There are a lot of references to water--“flood,” “swim,” and I believe there’s talk about drowning as well--which is very fitting because of the Dark World (Ocean), but also because Ken obviously suffers from depression and the idea of drowning is one of the most used and most accurate descriptions of what chronic depression feels like (trust me, I know!).

But my favorite part of this is the last two lines from the quote. Let’s be real, the sun is a huge symbol when it comes to our goggle boys--they are bright, cheerful, energetic, and so fucking bright they could rival the sun itself. When Ken is so incredibly surrounded by darkness, Daisuke is the sun. There are so many things that support this, but most importantly:

The Crest of Courage is shaped like the sun. It doesn’t get more overt than that.

When V-mon evolves to Magnamon, it’s described as: “It was a miraculous evolution. As beautiful as the rising sun shining brightly on the world.”

Daisuke is the sun. Ken is the world. And Ken needs his sun to help him out of the darkness.

“Send Me an Angel” by Highly Suspect

Open fire on my burning heart I've never been lucky in love My defenses are down A kiss or a frown I can't survive on my own

Send me an angel Send me an angel Right now, right now

Before they met, before 02 actually starts, both Ken and Daisuke are effectively alone. Yeah, they’re surrounded by people (Daisuke more than Ken), but never of them have any real friends or close relationships.

This song is something I see Daisuke feeling in his more introspective moments (rare, I know), as what he needs more than anything is true love and companionship. When I say love here, I don’t necessarily mean romantic. While, yes, Daisuke has poor luck in romance (Hikari, hello!), he has poor luck with platonic love as well.

And I’m all for anything that references Ken as being an angel. Obviously, Ken would never agree to that sentiment, but a lot of the time, it feels like that’s how Daisuke views him. To Daisuke, [post-Kaiser] Ken is this amazing, beautiful, even verging perfect person, and you can see he feels that way just from the way he looks at Ken.

I also chose this song because it’s a small reference to something I drew not too long ago, which itself is based on a Lilo & Stitch meme.

“Duality” by Set It Off

I can't quite contain or explain my evil ways Or explain why I'm not sane All I can say is this is your warning

It's a cloak or disguise unleashed, gonna get it off No, I'll never get away Cause if I try to stray It only holds me closer No, I'll never get away I'll have it any way

Okay, this is very obviously a Kaiser song. But it’s also a Ken song. The whole thing about this song is that Ken is trapped as the Kaiser and doesn’t have full control over himself. And can he actually explain why he does the crazy evil shit he does? His explanation is that he thought the Digital World was a video game, but that’s obviously not the full picture. He can’t fully explain because the Dark Seed is what makes him evil as opposed to simply sad and lonely and traumatized.

“Numb Without You” by The Maine

You are my last, you are my first You kill me for the better You are the rising tide You're every fucking thing inside me now

You are the violence in my veins You are the war inside my brain You are my glitter and my gloom I am so numb without you

This is another Kaiser/Ken song. To an extent, this song has a sort of sadistic romantic aspect to it, but I’m choosing to ignore those undertones in favor of just the creepy sadistic part. This is sort of Ken singing to his Kaiser persona and also to depression in general. Because the Kaiser is the “rising tide” (oh, look another reference to water!) and the manifestation of his grief and trauma and mental illness.

But as the title of the song suggests, the Kaiser persona is also what allows him to still feel something. Without it, he’s in the complete numbness of his depression (which sucks, trust me), and he would rather have the Kaiser, who is violent and angry and bitter, instead of the absolute numbness of his grief and depression.

“Deer in the Headlights” by Owl City

Tell me again was it love at first sight When I walked by and you caught my eye Didn't you know love could shine this bright? Well, smile because you're the deer in the headlights

Met a girl boy with a graceful charm But when beauty met the beast, he froze Got the sense I was not her his type By a black eye and bloody nose But I guess that's the way it goes

Note: I (obviously) changed a few pronouns in the quote. It should be apparent what I altered based on formatting.

Here, we see the first time Daisuke and Ken meet. And I’m talking Ken (although evil Ken), not the Kaiser. Yes, this is referencing the soccer match they play against each other in episode eight.

It’s pretty damn obvious that eleven-year-old Daisuke is completely enamored when he meets the famous Ichijouji Ken. He blushes and stumbles over his words, and he is so overwhelmed and happy that Ken remembered his name after the match was over. He admires him, and when Ken tells him that he’s the first person to ever stop that move in the match, Daisuke just looks so pleased to hear the compliment.

Also, bonus points for any song that references the sun or light: “Didn’t you know love could shine this bright?”

“Love the Way You Hate Me” by Like a Storm

You say I'm insane I say You're afraid I get stronger from the pain I love the way you hate me

I'd rather be a sinner than a slave I'd rather be an outcast than just bow down and obey When it's all done there's only one Name upon my grave I'd rather be a freak than be a fake

Another Kaiser song. While the previous song could be placed pretty much any time during the first fifteen episodes or so, this one is distinctly set after they find out the Kaiser is Ichijouji Ken. The focus here is on the way the Kaiser (emotionally) gets off from how much the Chosen Children, Daisuke especially, fight against him and hate him. He enjoys watching them try so hard and keep failing because, while he desperately wants to have an opponent, he loves to win more--he does think it’s a game, after all.

“Lock Me Up” by The Cab

Why don't you Lock me up with joy and kisses? Lock me up with love? Chain me to your heart's desire

I don't want you to stop Lock me in and hold this moment Never get enough Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free Lock me up

This song is mostly in reference to the serious foe yay aspect to Daisuke and Kaiser Ken’s relationship for the first half of the series. The homoerotic subtext in their relationship is ridiculous, especially since they’re two eleven-year-old boys, one of whom (theoretically) has a huge crush on a female friend for the first half(ish) of the season. But you can bet that, if the Chosen Children had a second enemy during the Kaiser’s days, the Kaiser would be pissed and pull the whole “No! Motomiya’s my enemy. Only I can defeat him!” bit like he’s Kaiba Seto or something.

“Fallen Angel” by Three Days Grace

How can I take the pain away? How can I save...

A fallen angel in the dark Never thought you'd fall so far Fallen angel, close your eyes I won't let you fall tonight Fallen angel

But then there’s comes the very important part where Daisuke has a revelation. When he and V-mon meet Wormmon on the Kaiser’s base, Wormmon is determined and takes them to the Digimental of Miracles in an attempt to help them defeat the Kaiser and bring back his kind-hearted best friend. The moment Daisuke touches the Golden Digimental, something changes: It’s connected to Ken because it’s borne from his Crest of Kindness, and Daisuke is able to see that there’s more to Ken than his Kaiser persona. He knows that there’s good in him before they’ve even defeated him, and he wants to help him.

And seriously, bonus points for a song from Daisuke’s POV that refers to Ken as an angel. I’ll fight anyone who says he doesn’t see Ken that way. Legit.

“Breaking Down” by I Prevail

Lies, every time they ask me I just tell 'em that I'm fine Try to hide my demons, but they only multiply Keep me running from the voices on repeat inside my mind Everybody fucking hates you

I guess I never noticed how it came creeping in My enemy emotion but I can't sink or swim I say I'm feeling hopeless but no one's listening But no one's listening, but no one's listening

This song is in reference to the way Kaiser Ken’s psyche is falling apart. He’s having doubts. Creepy voices are talking to him. He’s confused about how the Chosen Children are actually defeating him. Chimairamon is a freaking nightmare and totally uncontrollable. And Ken is about to have a goddamn breakdown.

“Goner” by Twenty One Pilots

Though I'm weak Beaten down I'll slip away Into the sound

I've got two faces Blurry's the one I'm not I need your help to Take him out

Look how far we’ve come! We’re almost to the Kaiser’s defeat! (Dear god, this is a long playlist...)

Ken isn’t aware of how much he needs Daisuke to help him at this point. He’s too busy being the Kaiser and, you know, having a mental breakdown. But it’s important that Daisuke is the one there to help bring everything down. V-mon evolves to Magnamon and defeats Chimairamon with some badass moves (he is a Royal Knight after all), and Daisuke and the rest of the Chosen Children are finally able to get through to Ken.

“Not Gonna Die” by Skillet

Break their hold Cause I won't be controlled They can't keep their chains on me When the truth has set me free

Only when he realizes that the Digital World isn’t a game is Ken able to break through the hold that the Dark Seed (and Oikawa and BelialVamdemon, etc.) have on him. He tears off his Kaiser clothes and goes back to being just Ken. Just sweet, kind-hearted, adorable Ken.

Parts of this song, though, would be from Daisuke’s perspective. He’s determined, even though they have defeated their enemy, to help Ken, even that simply means sending him home to his family instead of letting Ken just waste away, which is frankly what it looks like he’s about to do during this scene.

“Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace

Tell me why Does everything that I love get taken away From me? Why does everything that I love get taken away?

How come nothing ever lasts? It goes from good to bad to worse so fast All it takes is one and I'm gone, and you can't erase the past How come nothing ever lasts?

Obviously, this is a Ken-centric song, the focus being on his past when he saw his brother’s death, though Osamu’s death is nowhere near his fault. Yet again, Ken goes through a traumatic experience (Wormmon’s death), and for the first time, this is (somewhat) his fault.

While I linked the subs version, the English dub of this scene actually has a line almost exactly like this song: “Not again. Wormmon’s gone. Just like my brother. I was helpless to save him, and now I can’t save Wormmon either. Why do I keep losing people?”

Sorry, were you not wanting to cry today? ...Oops.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[lime-be4n]

So this is a concept I have for the B.B.S.

So I came up with this idea a while back, it’s nothing big and I prolly won’t do anything with it? Maybe the occasional doodle of it and some small concept comics but, again, prolly not any writing/storytelling. But I still want to, I guess, say what I want about it and kinda see if it gets any attention? I mean I don’t want any attention but rather the concept. Okie dokie? Cool, fools!

So imagen, a world exactly like ours but something's different! Everyone, or everyone who is visible, is beautiful! The world is run by a different scale of social and hierarchical structure. The more attractive a person is, the higher they are on the scale! So society felt challenged when youtube popped up; it gave the hidden attractives a way to rise up, and allowed those people to make a living doing the things they enjoyed! Now this is where the story begins!

Jonathan Gormon Dennis, the anomaly, the gamer, the clown, the youtuber H2O Delirious. To Evan, Vanoss Gaming, he was a spectacle; he somehow flew up the ranks without showing his showing his face! He’s gone to Luke, but he obviously said nothing. “He’s just your normal guy!”, “ It’s not my secret to share,”, and more; All of were criticizing Evan over his inability to respect his friend’s wishes.

The boys, the B.B.S., Banana Bus Squad! They are a mixture of uncertainty, and elated emotions.

David, Daithi De Nogla, is happy for him, and certainly encourages is behavior. David sees no wrong in what his friend is doing, and has said in the past “Del’s face doesn’t make him my friend. He’s my friend ‘cause he’s funny! And he’s got a good personality — but don’t tell him is said that! He’ll use it against me!” And then proceeded to laugh. Mr. Nagle has had quite the simple life for the Irish to admit. A triplet, hobbyist musician, and a good looking face. YouTube helped him and his family some. A very nice dorky boy...

Tyler, I am Wildcat, he’s,,, well he’s something. He doesn’t seem to approve of what Jonathan’s doing, throughout videos he would tend to tease and pick on him. He was and is often found saying,” Damn! I really hope you don’t look like that in real life!” And, “I bet your damn awful ugly!”. Then proceed to laugh it off. A character for sure but he is known to, off camera, apologise to Jonathan, who is heard to awkwardly laugh it off and would would say it was okay. Mr. Wine, is well off. Not inherently living off of his paycheck and had a well off life on a farm. He’s upfront and tend to come off a abrasive, but he’s shows he cares differently than people...

Marcel, BasiclyIDoWrk, supports Jonathan all the way. And he will continue to respect him. But he does tend to touch the line, asking for some hints and little clues about his features, which he never reveals. Mr.Cunningham has been heard about his thoughts and has said, “He’s my friend, I’m not gonna let he ‘lack of face’ interfere with that!” And proceed to be frustrated with questionnaires. Marcel has had a bit of an outlash as a kid, but he got by with the help of his family. He’s cute and now settled! Happy as can be…

Brock, Moo (formally Moo Snuckel), is a very easy going man. Worry some but easy. His relationship with Jonathan is good, healthy, with a heavy load of paternity. Mr. Barrus is heard telling Jonathan stuff such as, “Make sure to eat before ten o'clock!”, “Did you put your laundry loads to wash before joining?” Which Jonathan admires about him, and his skill of fathering. Brock’s life is a happy life; settled, easy on the eyes, a father figure to the group, what’s not to love! He’s has many friends who love him and a stable, satisfying career, what’s not to love…

Brian, The Gaming Terroriser, is not one to go against social rules. And for some reason doesn’t do anything with them. He is completely on the fence with Jonathan’s decision. He doesn’t let that get in the way of his friendship, he doesn’t treat him anymore or any less in comparison to the others. He has been heard in past videos saying things in order to avoid the topic of his face like, “ Let’s not talk about that guys!”, and, “Woah did you guys see that? That was insane!” By completely abound the topic has often led Jonathan smiling. Mr. Hanby has had a good life, somewhat spoiled by his parents but still humble, especially after the death of his father. He continues to have a good life, with the help of his buds and his precious dog. Humble as can be…

Craig, Mini Ladd, is quite the enthusiast. If he see something he like he hyped it up, now if it was something he didn’t like… well that was a different story. And unusual. Mr.Thompson has a habit of showing off things he doesn’t like and then likes to see what happens to said things. If society deems it wrong, he laughs at it, if society deems is right, well he just goes on his day. Jonathan is unsure about Craig, he likes him but the feeling may now be mutual; often giving off hints, “Sorry I didn’t hear you. Could you repeat that but slower?” And “Check me out guys!” Then proceeds to show off something new. Craig isn’t a bad guy. He just flows with society. A great beginning, moving to different countries, learning new things everywhere, taking some culture with him. Settled and happy. He just flows with society…

Ryan, OhmWrecker, is another crypted. Not as secretive as Jonathan, and has been seen once in a blue moon. The closest to Luke and close with Jonathan, not as close as Luke, David, or Evan but pretty close. He loves to have little inside jokes with Jonathan about being ‘Masked’ like, “Doesn’t that make us some purgers?” And, “...just sticky note the camera!” With each comment being followed with giggles. Now Ryan has had a good life, great parents, great life, an amazing dog, very good life. He has let Luke visit him and of course Luke is respectful of Ryan’s wishes. Making them closer than before. What a good life...

Luke, Cart00nz, is exactly what a brother would be like in Jonathan’s eyes. Supporting him in tough and rough times and helping him push through! Luke loves his little brother, and is willing to do anything for him. Not sharing his secret is not the hardest thing for him to do for his little brother. Mr. Patterson is very close to the Dennis’, at one point even dating Jonathan’s older sister! He’s had a normal life that increase for him into a great life. He’s a good man, not sharing Jonathan’s secret isn’t the hardest thing he did for him…

Jonathan’s fandom can seem to quite get enough of it though. With the small April fools videos and the click-bait titles, it makes them wild. Most of them (75% roughly) joke about hoping for a real, not fake, click-baited video and proceed to respect his wishes. Another amount (17% roughly) don’t really do much about it, but without disregarding his wishes and beg for a real face reveal. And lastly and certainly the worst, the 8%. The small amount that continues to bark and lather Mr. H2O with insults. He’s blocked always half of them, he’s sure of it…

Welp!

That’s all I got at the moment but like, yeah. This is not meant to offend anybody! This is just some consent I came up with. Nothing more, nothing less!

Feel free to ask questions! I will 100% answer them! Thank you for your time!

[missmentelle]

what makes atypical anorexia atypical? how is it different from regular anorexia?

When the official criteria for anorexia were decided, psychologists still had a very black-and-white view of what anorexia was and what it should look like. As a result, one of the mandatory criteria of “typical” anorexia is that the patient must be medically underweight. This is not optional for typical anorexia; if your weight is within the average range for your height - or higher - you technically cannot be diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. In fact, the diagnosis is so closely tied to the patient’s weight that we decide whether cases of anorexia are “mild”, “moderate” or “severe” based on BMI alone - factors like “how long you’ve been restricting”, “how many calories you eat per day” and “how many relapses you’ve had” are not taken into account. Just weight. 

Of course, life is a lot more complicated than that, and doctors quickly realized that they were seeing a lot of eating disorder patients who fit all the criteria for anorexia, except for the fact that they were of average weight or higher. And so the diagnosis of “atypical anorexia” - also known as “Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)” - was created. Atypical anorexia is actually a misnomer; calling it “atypical anorexia” makes it sound like a rare occurrence that is not nearly as common  as the “typical” type. In reality, however, somewhere between 40 - 75% of patients treated for anorexia fall into the “atypical” or “not otherwise specified” category. For the vast majority of “atypical” patients, the only thing keeping them from being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa is their weight. Otherwise, they have the same symptoms, require the same treatments, and suffer the same medical complications.

The other big difference between “typical” and “atypical” anorexia, of course, comes in the way that people treat those struggling with either disorder. People with typical anorexia are often regarded with alarm and concern; family and friends may beg them to seek help, closely monitor their symptoms, and go to great lengths to ensure that they get the help they need. People with atypical anorexia, however, are often praised for their restrictive diets, admired for their “willpower”, and encouraged to keep going. Our society is so deeply, deeply fatphobic that many people see all weight-loss efforts by heavier people as “healthy”, even if those efforts are absolutely destroying the person’s body and causing devastating, irreversible damage to their internal organs. 

People are so misinformed about health and weight and food that we tend to assume weight loss only becomes a problem when you move from “average” to “underweight”; there’s an underlying assumption that weight loss always makes a person healthier until you reach your “ideal” weight, after which your health begins to decline. This is absolutely not true. Experiencing a long period of starvation and malnutrition has devastating consequences for your health, even if you don’t visibly lose a lot of weight. Many people’s bodies like to hang on to as much fat as possible, for as long as possible, in order to survive the famine that you are clearly experiencing; they will break down your muscle and organ tissue in order to preserve those precious fat stores. My ancestors survived the Irish Potato Famine - my body takes any reduction in calorie intake as a sign that the crop has failed and the English have taken our livestock. A person can be deeply entrenched in anorexia and still be obese, but experience the same medical complications that a “typical anorexic” would experience - including hair loss, “brain fog”, fatigue, irritability, sleep disruptions, osteoporosis, constipation, painful bloating, changes to your sense of taste, and permanent damage to the heart muscles. 

One of the other big distinctions between typical and atypical anorexia is that people with atypical anorexia may have greater difficulty accessing treatment. They often feel like they cannot possibility require - or deserve - treatment for an eating disorder if they are still overweight. When mainstream media points out the dangers and warning signs of anorexia, they go right to thin, skeletal bodies - visible ribcages, hipbones and collarbones. Those things can feel like “requirements” for getting treatment - as if jutting shoulder blades are a “you must be this sick to get treatment” line. But they are not. Most doctors who specialize in eating disorders will have up to three-quarters of their patients present within a “normal” or “above-normal” weight range, and people who engage in extreme, compulsive restrictions with their eating belong in treatment, regardless of what the scale says. 

I’m not a member of the American Psychological Association and I’m not an all-knowing wizard, but I have my suspicions that we will see the weight requirement dropped from the DSM criteria for “anorexia” in the future; it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to hang on to a diagnostic criteria that only fits 25 - 60% of your patients, and excludes the rest. As our understanding of eating disorders grows more complex, our labels and categories need to change to reflect our new knowledge. 

Hope this answers your question!

[oh-my-otome]

I absolutely adore your thoughts on the psychological health within the SLBP characters! If you don’t mind, could you scale MidC, DtL, and IkeSen (pick whichever game you want!), too? If it’s not too much to ask ☺️

Hello, Precious! Let’s do all three!

Again, purely for fun! And, like the last time, there will be SPOILERS!

0=unstable, 50=borderline, 100=normal

MidCin, you’re up!

Louis (65):

Tsunderes, kuuderes and yanderes, by design, are not normal to begin with, because their logic only makes sense to themselves. 

Louis being both a kuudere and a yandere are what take his score down.

Frequently thinking it to himself, and sometimes saying it out loud, Louis has obsessive thoughts about wanting to keep his love interest to himself, and fantasizes about keeping her somewhere where only he can see.

He also thinks that acting like a frigid ass, like the nobles, will somehow save her from the nobles. 

Even though Louis falls deeply in love with the princess, he will also lie to her face without a hint of hesitation, undermine her hard work, and jeopardize the stability of the monarchy.

He also entertains a suicidal fantasy, and attempts to see it through.

Sid (80):

Even though he lies for a living, Sid praises honesty when it comes to his inner circle.

He has no qualms teasing Louis left and right, because he’s made it known to Louis that he wants to save him from himself. 

Finding himself trapped in a loveless engagement, Sid makes sure that his fiancée knows ahead of time that he doesn’t love her and never will. He gives her the chance to break it off, even making sure that she understands that he will take other lovers, and is only with her to get information about her father.

Because Sid always has to be “on,” in order to take advantage of any kind of situation, so that he gets the information he needs to do his job, Sid sometimes has a problem with reigning it in and just being himself– and not his trickster alter ego.

This causes communication problems between him and princess, but Sid always knows how to smooth it over.

In every case where parents are involved, in MidCin, Sid has the most positive and supporting relationship with his. 

He is close to his adopted father, who always has his back, and builds a positive relationship with his estranged parents.

Giles (70):

Anything– and I do mean A N Y T H I N G ! –that the princess does, whether positive or negative reflects on Giles. And I mean that the princess’ reactions reflect on Giles as a person and on his capacity as a Chamberlain who knows what he’s doing. 

We all give him crap for it, but one small mishap from princess could realistically cost Giles his entire life’s work, since the first thing out of anyone’s mouth would be to question why she wasn’t taught and trained better– which isn’t Leo’s job, but Giles’.

And “well, I told her not to!” isn’t a valid answer. It’s Giles’ job to ensure.

Understandably, we can see why he has a vested interest in breathing down Princess’ neck, all the time. It’s also why he’s always so stressed out, and persnickety.

To add to that, his family life is complicated, leaving him depressed and estranged. 

Giles is also sickly, and prone to bouts of fever, so his plate is quite full.

He works himself to the bone, and cant even get a decent amount of rest due to both lack of time, and a weak body.

Fortunately, Giles’ strong character keeps him running, even we he wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and cuddle up with his cat. 

Always able to be depended on, one would never know from looking at him that he’s hiding so much turmoil inside.

Alyn (75):

His biggest “quirk” is that he hates tomatoes. who can blame him

He’s pretty damn normal, aside from his random and intense one-sided feud with his twin brother, Leo. 

Alyn knows that his brother needs help, but doesn’t really do much to facilitate that, beyond throwing a few words of encouragement at his brother’s girlfriend.

His attitude toward Leo’s anguish is basically the embodiment of the phrase: “like pouring water on a drowning man.”

However, when he’s needed, Alyn will be there in a pinch, ready to make good on his promise to protect.

Although physically strong, he can be a bit of a pushover under the right conditions.

Leo (50):

You would think for someone who has women climbing into trebuchets in order to launch themselves at him, that Leo would be a little smoother than he is. 

What brings his score down so low is that Leo’s backstory isn’t just a backstory– it’s right there with him in the present. 

He (and Alyn) experience a trauma so deep that it continues into adulthood.

As such, Leo entertains the dangerous idea of pre-meditated murder in the hope of avenging his family, not realizing that he’s also contributing to its destruction.

Byron (65):

It’s supposed to be looked at as a way to get to know him, but not being aware of one’s own feelings– positive, negative, or neutral –and questioning whether it is “okay” to feel them, or express them, is neither normal nor cute.

Byron is also given to whims, either not giving a damn at all what the nobles say, or purposefully putting them in their place with ostentatious displays of affection.

Byron is very sweet to his romantic interest, but is also coldly indifferent to others who are close to him. 

He understands that he wields incredible power, but he’s not above making his own brother (Nico), another king (Alyn), and a close friend (Louis) essentially beg on their hands and knees before he’ll lift a finger to help them.

He can also be unnervingly detached, such as when he’s attacked in broad daylight and just shrugs it off while his best friend throws himself bodily in the way to block a sword.

Byron may not like his father, but the apple didn’t exactly fall far from the tree, either. 

They may not be exactly alike, as one wouldn’t expect them to be– they’re two different people –but he is definitely Gerald Wagner’s son, by blood and to some extent, personality.

Nico (65):

When the only thing that stops you from murdering a man in the middle of the woods is that your brother and his friend arrived just in time to prevent it, because they didn’t have much trouble following the trail of other people’s blood that you’ve been leaving, have a seat because you’re not normal.

Nico started out his young life as the bastard son of a king, who was forced by circumstances outside of his control to survive on the streets. 

Even when he was taken in by his brother, Nico was forced to live in two different worlds: in the light as someone that everyone in the castle can see and here, and know that he’s there, but also in the shadows, as his relationship to the royal family was still kept secret.

In that sense, the sins of the father were carried on by one of his sons, Byron, who wanted to rescue his brother, but also treated him to some extent like the nobles who had chased Nico and his mother from the castle.

Nico says himself that no one really takes him seriously about anything, and that his opinions don’t matter. 

Albert is very comfortable with making Nico his whipping boy right in front of Byron.

Byron, for his part, barely ever defends his brother.

All of this can’t be easy for Nico, who confesses to the first person he crushes on.

Not only that, he goes way out of his way, almost killing himself, to protect the person who truly loves him, and risks displacing a monarchy to ensure that he can maintain his relationship.

Albert (75):

Albert’s flippant nature stems from the fact that no one’s checked his ass, before Princess. 

If not for her, he would continue on forever, bowing and scraping before his king, without realizing that there can be loyalty beyond fealty, and devotion that transcends admiration and patriotism.

Through love, Albert comes to understand trust and forgiveness, and how to handle one’s emotions.

Albert likes to plan for every situation, but as a tsundere, he is also reactionary.

Robert (65):

Robert’s idea of dealing with the past is never talking about it, ever, which is neither helpful nor healthy.

He also likes to literally run away from his problems, and is just fine with up and leaving at a moment’s notice, with no regard for how that might potentially unnerve, frighten, or traumatize another person– in his case, a group of four specific individuals, all still technically children, who were close to him: Byron, Albert, Nico, and Princess.

While mature in every other regard, Robert is prone to lashing out verbally when people try to talk about his past, even in private. 

He also uses stone walling and pretending the incident didn’t happen, as defense mechanisms.

He will also actively ignore any past connections until doing otherwise suits his purposes, leaving the people he used to know in the awkward position of having to guess at whether they’re supposed to try to reach out to him, or go along with acting like strangers.

Now for DtL!

Todo (30):

Todo, first name Heisuke, is the identical twin of Kyo. 

Separated at birth, Todo grew up as the wealthy little lord (bocchama) of a crime-ridden family. 

At some point, that house fell, and Todo would frequently dream that was in a futuristic place.

In one dream, he discovered that he had a twin, Kyo. 

In his dreams, Todo would visit his brother regularly, and that’s when he realized that it wasn’t a dream at all!

Todo possesses the ability to travel across time, backwards and forwards, without restriction– and what he was seeing in his “dreams” was actually real.

Oh, and he’s also a pathokinetic empath who can control the emotions and physical well-being of others, most notably, Kyo.

Apparently, the knowledge that one has powers such as these will mess a person right up, and Todo proceeds to lose his damn mind.

Because time means nothing to him, death and life also mean nothing to him, since all he would have to do is press fast forward or rewind or whatever he does, and “fix” everything. 

It would also mean, if he chose to, he could go forward in time and know everything.

Living in an era where superstitions are still deeply rooted in the culture, Todo oscillates between understanding that Kyo is a completely separate person from himself, and thinking that Kyo is literally a part of him that was split off.

Kyo (70):

Pretty normal until he takes his NOTICE ME, SENPAI! act straight into outright threatening others to stay away from the woman he’s crushing on.

He is skeptical and hard-working.

Handsy, clingy and uncomfortably honest when drunk, Kyo is otherwise a good-natured person who enjoys helping others.

Yamazaki (85):

Yamazaki is as popular with the ladies as any other ikemen, but he is also insecure and occasionally distrusting of other’s intentions, particularly around women in the RLD, whom he suspects want to use him (he’s half-right).

He also lets Okita get away with far too much, but he also possesses the power to lay Okita out like a picnic blanket, if he wanted to, so maybe it’s a good thing that Yamazaki chooses to let so many of Okita’s shenanigans slide.

An unrepentant hand fetishist, Yamazaki may look and act innocent, but he’s a beast in the bedroom.

Saito (80):

Saito is secretive and mysterious, but also kind and helpful. 

He always keeps his promises, and trains his MC in self-defense so that she has an added layer of protection in an unfamiliar place, beyond ‘I know a bunch of samurai, so don’t mess with me.’

However, he can also be distant and secretive in a negative way, such as getting himself a fiancée when he’s still in love with his MC. 

Haru/Kirisato (45):

That moment when the year is 1864 and The Silence of the Lambs novel won’t be published until 124 years later, and you’re talking about someone else’s skin belonging to you– while being completely, creepily serious –is how you know you’re not normal and never will be.

That and the fact that he’s very firmly in yandere territory. 

Haru lives a double life as a spy, hitman, and courtesan, who seems to be keeping it all together, until he meets his love interest.

Keiki (60):

Not only does Keiki start out depressed, his own MC makes sure that he can barely climb his way back out, by actively traumatizing him when he needed her the most.

Keiki still carries the pain of watching a friend die in front of him, and as such, dislikes anything that reminds him that beauty– like life –is fleeting.

He is also surprisingly trusting, once he lets his guard down, and very fragile once his trust has been broken.

Kondo (90):

His biggest flaw is that he has no sense of direction, and that he loves animals, but they don’t love him,  AND THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE A ROUTE!

Sakamoto (85):

Stubborn and brusque, Sakamoto has a preternatural intuition that has saved him and The Exclusionists more than once.

Too bad it didn’t help in that alley!

Sakamoto is typically chased down and pestered by women, and to that end tries to make himself inconspicuous as much as possible, which is easy to do when you have flaming red hair.

He is thick-headed, but also sensitive, playful but considerate.

Okubo (85):

A graduate of the Byron Wagner School for Robots, Okubo doesn’t know what love is, but wants you to show him. 

But look out, because he is chock full of naughty kinks, such as being a very frisky and bold drunk, playing footsie, an unashamed ear kissing and biting fetish, and dominating during sex.

Okubo is very observant when he’s not reading at the speed of light, and his anger is prone to his whims– sometimes he briefly says what is bothering him, and other times he is quite angsty and demanding.

Although he often vague, he is a sincere person.

He is also forgetful, and has no qualms about mooching off of others.

Katsura (90):

Energetic and suave, calculating and capable, Katsura is surprisingly sensitive. 

Unable to leave others alone when they need him, he even goes so far as to politely ignore the fact that his former friend’s wife has been coming on to him for years, all because he doesn’t know how to say ‘no,’ without hurting her feelings.

Comfortably open about his hair fetish.

Okita (55):

Okita manages to be both gullible and naïve, which are not mutually exclusive.

His score is low because he is a yandere. He doesn’t find it odd in the slightest that the first thing to pop into in his mind is orchestrating another man’s death, rather than explaining the situation.

Because of his illness, Okita is understandably depressed and anxious, causing him to react to situations in ways that a healthy person wouldn’t.

He is also intensely loyal, and finds that a life spent living without the people he’s close to, is no life at all.

Hijikata (75):

Hijikata likes to take on more than he can chew, but at the same time, doing exactly that frustrates him. He’s super stressed, but finds it difficult to say no.

Like his real-life counterpart, Hijikata believes that someone must go down with the ship, and he has sworn undying loyalty to the Shinsengumi and the shogun, alike.

Because of his workload, and the fact that he is a light sleeper, Hijikata spends his days running on fumes, barely able to get any shut-eye, until he finds his MC.

Although his devotion to Kondo and Keiki is unshakable, Hijikata folds like a cheap suit when Kyo slides up to him and tells him to break up with his MC.

Doesn’t give a damn about anyone knowing that he likes women’s accessories, and wants to dress Yamazaki in women’s clothes.  

Yuki (90):

Gender-fluid, bi-sexual Yuki is almost always bubbly and positive. 

However, he is not above threatening others when he sees the need, as he doesn’t take kindly at all to having to watch the woman he likes be with a man whom he feels doesn’t deserve her.

His kimono shop is a legitimate business, but also a front where one can buy guns, swords and yes– smoke bombs!

He sometimes pretends to be drunk to get information, or further the romance of his love interest and her chosen partner.

He is stronger than Hijikata and Sakamoto. Combined. 

Yuki also has sword skills that make Saito weep.

Takasugi (55):

Retroactively forced into the kuudere box, Takasugi is now a kuu/tsun mix of volatile angst and depression, often using silence as a weapon just as much as his angry retorts.

Takasugi knows that his illness is getting the best of him, and uses others where he cannot succeed on his own.

Stubborn and prideful, Takasugi just wants to be loved, but doesn’t know how to be straightforward about it.

Your turn, IkeSen!

Nobunaga (75):

Nobunaga has inexhaustible trust and faith in his inner circle, and rather than treat them like lesser lords, he treats them like family.

Even as an adult, he still experiences the trauma of a failed assassination attempt, and cannot sleep comfortable until he meets his MC.

He is stubborn about his feelings, denying them and excusing them away, until they become so blatant that he can’t help but act on them.

Ieyasu (55):

Hard-headed and resistant, Ieyasu has a hard time letting others care for him. Quick to try to prove himself, Ieyasu is prove to bouts of seeking vengeance even when the situation is in control.

Obsessed with affirmations of love, Ieyasu is several different dere-types, most notably a yandere. 

He takes it personally when people have talent, but squander it.

Hideyoshi (60):

Loyal to the death, Hideyoshi is devoted to Nobunaga with every fiber of his being. 

When Nobunaga is believed dead, Hideyoshi proceeds nose dive into a pit of despair so deep that he can barely feel anything.

Mitsuhide (75):

Genuinely believing that there is nothing worth loving about him, Mitsuhide is a sadodere who enjoys teasing others– the closest thing to love that he thinks he’s allowed to have.

Because Mitsuhide keeps his feelings and secrets close to his chest, he is often mistaken as a villain, which exactly what he wants.

Mitsunari (80):

Obtuse and clueless, Mitsunari lovable and pure.

His score is lowered because he actively refuses, at his age, to learn to take care of himself, and has a co-dependent relationship with the other warlords, who merely joke or chastise him about it, rather than taking him aside and demanding that he get himself together, since he is in no capacity a child.

Kennyo (55):

Self-loathing, and chock full of martyr complex, Kennyo goes from murdering madman to regretful, forlorn monk at the speed of light.

His determination to see Nobunaga fall blinds him to the fact that he has other options such as forgiveness.

Shingen (90):

Laid back and chivalrous, Shingen is mature, and dependable to those in his inner circle.

He keeps his illness a secret, which is a personal choice.

Kenshin (50):

A yandere bent on keeping those close to him, Kenshin honestly believes that he cannot die. 

The first thing out of Kenshin’s mouth is that he won’t be cowed by a hostage, but the next time you turn around, he’s wrapping himself all kinds of ways around his MC’s (hostage) finger, the better to acquiesce to her every request.

As such, Kenshin experiences the cognitive dissonance of presenting himself one way, but behaving another.

Even knowing that that is how others see him, he is quick to defend himself when made fun of, as he doesn’t like his good intentions joked about.

Battle hungry and single-minded, Kenshin is often in the grip of ennui so strong that only extreme circumstances can pull him out.

Yukimura (70):

The only thing that brings Yukimura’s score down so low is his penchant for joking even when his MC has said she’s had enough, and the act that he’s extremely reactionary under the right circumstances, such as having sex on an unprotected battlefield and leaving his love interest there, deep asleep, with no shelter or anyone/thing to keep her safe.

Masamune (75):

Quixotic and capricious, Masamune is always raring to battle. He is preoccupied with appearing cool at any cost, but is also considerate and thoughtful.

His stubbornness is what cost him a higher score, as he contributes to his MC almost killing a man to prove herself, before he realizes that prattling about his own resolve has an effect on others’.

Sasuke (80):

Sasuke is incredibly smart, but he’s also a bit of a masochist, on top of being a huge fanboy.

He also subscribes to taking forever to notice/confess his feelings, but he is extremely loyal, and down-to-earth.

[dipulb3]

Prabal Gurung: Anti-Asian sentiment runs deeper than you think

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/prabal-gurung-anti-asian-sentiment-runs-deeper-than-you-think/

Prabal Gurung: Anti-Asian sentiment runs deeper than you think

Written by Prabal GurungNew York

Prabal Gurung is a Nepali American fashion designer based in New York. All opinions expressed in this article belong to the author. The feature is part of Appradab Style’s new series Hyphenated, which explores the complex issue of identity among minorities in the United States.

My 75-year-old Nepali mother, who lives in New York, goes for a walk every morning and every evening. I send her out in disguise: I bought her a blonde wig, and I tell her to wear it under a hat, glasses and mask. “Maybe then, they’ll leave her alone,” I think. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s my survival instinct kicking in.

“I understand your concern and worry,” my mami, as I like to call her, told me the other day.

“But I would rather get a walking stick or a cane, just in case something happens. I can fight back,” she assured me, adjusting her wig and hat.

That’s just how she is: resilient, unafraid and a picture of grace under pressure. I admire her strength but continue to worry for her safety. I check in constantly so I know where she is at any given time.

This is what it’s come to. A fear so constant that it’s crippling.

“By using terms like “China Virus” and “Kung Flu,” Trump gave the coronavirus a face, an Asian face, and for that, we have all suffered.”

Prabal Gurung

Here’s where we’re at:

A torrent of anti-Asian hate crimes have been committed, including the brutal assault of elderly Asian men and women in broad daylight. Among them is 65-year-old Vilma Kari, who just last week in New York, was told “F**k you, you don’t belong here, you Asian,” according to the criminal complaint, before being pushed to the ground and kicked repeatedly by her attacker. The shootings at three Atlanta-area spas have left six Asian women dead. Nearly 3,800 hate incidents have so far been reported to Stop AAPI Hate over the course of a year. It feels as if there’s an open season for violence against Asians.

By using terms like “China Virus” and “Kung Flu,” former US President Donald Trump gave the coronavirus a face, an Asian face, and for that, we have all suffered. While his damaging rhetoric has no doubt fueled these hate crimes, their roots are buried deep in underlying racist currents that have long impacted our communities in the United States.

They can be found in every industry. For instance, when it comes to my world — fashion — the consequences of systemic racism play out daily. And not just in the form of microaggressions.

As someone who has a platform, who has clout, I have always believed it’s my responsibility to speak out.

‘Who gets to be American?’

Fashion at its purest, simplest form, is a reflection of the world we live in. It doesn’t operate in a vacuum but instead influences — and is influenced by — music, culture, social movements and politics.

Whatever your views are, everyone engages with fashion at some level. For most of us, it’s one of the first decisions we make each morning. I believe in its greater purpose — as a tool of empowerment. But as much as fashion projects its power outwards, behind the scenes, it can be a very different story.

I was born in Singapore, grew up in Nepal and lived in India, and in these countries, you’re faced with issues such as colorism, caste discrimination and hierarchal social structures. When I started my brand 12 years ago, I wanted it to show marginalized people that they are seen, and that they matter. But until recently, it’s been an uphill battle.

“I was advised to limit the diversity of my runways because clients wouldn’t be as receptive to non White models: “‘two Black women, two Asian women — OK that’s enough.'”

Prabal Gurung

The question of who dictates style, or what we consider tasteful or chic, is still viewed through a colonial lens, shaped by centuries-old Eurocentric ideals. Unrealistic beauty standards are often elitist, discriminatory and ultimately, constructed to maintain a proximity to Whiteness that allows those in power to feel important and secure. Decision-makers are, predominantly, White.

This plays out in a number of ways.

Fashion inspired by minority cultures, or rooted in the heritage of a minority designer’s heritage, may be tokenized as “exotic” or “ethnic,” or disparaged in hushed tones as “tacky and garish.” Tone-deaf campaigns and racist garments are often created because there are no people of color in the room that feel empowered enough to stop them from going ahead.

Early in my own career, I was advised to limit the diversity of my runways because clients wouldn’t be as receptive to non White models: “two Black women, two Asian women — OK that’s enough.”

I also recall wanting to open a collection with Korean model Ji Hye Park, and it sparked such a big discussion with the brand’s other stakeholders. “Should we? Shouldn’t we? Is it cool? Does it make sense? Is this idea… luxury?”

These kinds of conversations were initially shocking. But I became used to witnessing microaggressions or blatant discrimination against the few Asian people who, like myself and other people of color, were able to break into this industry. Yes, fashion continues to make strides in the right direction, but we still have miles to go. Today, I still see Black, Latinx, Asian, Native American and LGBTQ peers being tokenized by the industry, called upon to perform inclusivity.

Models walk the Prabal Gurung runway during New York Fashion Week on September 8, 2019. Credit: Mike Coppola/Getty Images

I’ve often been challenged about my “American-ness.” During a planning meeting for my label’s 10th anniversary collection in 2018, an investor asked me to express what I felt my brand stood for.

I began explaining that American style had always been seen through a White lens. But as a first-generation Asian immigrant, as a minority, as a queer person of color, I wanted to redefine the country’s style because our experiences have been underrepresented. The way I look at this country is an amalgamation of different cultures, races, ethnicities, religions and sizes, and that should be celebrated.

He, in turn, asked, “Well you don’t look American, how can you define American style?”

It was clear to me what he meant by his statement: I wasn’t White, therefore I had no authority to shape the American ideal. And this despite being an American citizen who owns a business in this country — one who employs Americans and immigrants, embraces a “Made in America” production ethos and pays taxes. For some people it’s just never enough.

I ended up turning that collection into a celebration of American identity and belonging, sending a diverse cast of models down the runway in denim, white short-sleeved shirts, rose prints and, during the finale, sashes bearing the question: “Who gets to be American?”

While the show had a lot of positive feedback, and started a healthy dialogue about identity, there were some who felt it was too on the nose. This is how privilege works. It was a luxury to be in the position to say that it was “too much” or “too direct.” However, when it comes to fighting for basic human rights, it is never too much. It is never too loud.

We need to tell our stories

It’s clear that the road to a more equitable fashion industry is long. Until brands genuinely diversify their decision-makers and boards — not just with token hires, but with people actually willing to strike up difficult, uncomfortable conversations that challenge biases — it won’t change. And, let’s be honest, brands’ efforts to embrace Asian culture have been motivated by the spending power of countries like China, India and South Korea, not some moral awakening.

But, cynicism aside, just like conversations brought about by the Black Lives Matter protests, the Stop Asian Hate movement is inviting renewed scrutiny of fashion’s role in perpetuating racism and discrimination — from runways and collections to workplace culture.

“We need to be in every corner and exist in every space.”

Prabal Gurung

Asian Americans in the industry should recognize that we have an important role to play. As a whole, more than 60% of the global population lives in Asia, according to the United Nations. Asians are the world’s biggest consumers of clothing, and we manufacture most of it too. Yet, told that our voices don’t matter, we’ve mostly played supporting roles, quietly and submissively catering to the needs of businesses.

It’s not enough. It’s time to speak out and step up.

Take this time to donate, build your skills by participating in harassment intervention training, and support existing social justice organizations and initiatives such as Stop AAPI Hate and Asian Americans Advancing Justice (AAJC). Familiarize yourself with non-profit organizations like Gold House and Define American who are shaping culture, forming solidarity through intersectionality and creating impactful, sustainable long-term solutions for challenges facing our communities.

The solidarity protests over the past few weeks have been extremely heartwarming. I have demonstrated alongside my peers, activists, community leaders and regular New Yorkers, telling our truths and, between other minorities and marginalized groups, finding support and common ground.

The “End Violence Against Asians” march in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City on February 20, 2021. Credit: Robert Hamada

We need to be in every corner and exist in every space. The more that our stories are told, the more that our faces, our experiences and our humanity will not only be normalized but embraced.

We must claim our rightful seats at the table, and then use those positions to empower other marginalized groups. Visibility is key, and we must craft our own narratives and tell our own stories.

Top image caption: Prabal Gurung captured at the “Black and Asian Solidarity” march at Union Square in New York City on March 21, 2021 by photographer Robert Hamada.

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