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#Like I feel weirdly chill about it
prettyblondguys · 1 year
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Huh, well that's not very cash money
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citricacidprince · 20 days
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Man I need to join a Gravity Falls discord server but I refuse to join the Reddit one cause that’s so big it frightens me (also it’s Reddit, I don’t trust Reddit very often-)
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fakeoutbf · 4 months
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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zeb-z · 1 year
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ok listen. you're badboyhalo and having the worst week of your life. you're willing and wanting to give anything, anything, to get your kids back. forever, your crush/enemy/friend/date partner?/ president sits you down and asks you to marry him. he's on a drug that makes him manically happy and has an extreme level of brainwashing for federation purposes.
you consider for the briefest moment saying yes, because you're drowning in your grief and hard in bargaining, but it won't do anything to help bring the eggs back, forever doesn't know anything. forever wants the eggs back as much as you do, the real one at least, you know this.
you're surrounded by roses. you ask him what you can do to help him, what he needs, asking the forever that you know is in there somewhere. any other personal feelings aside, he's your friend and he clearly needs help. he asks you to marry him again. he tells you to stop making some noise that he's clearly hearing through auditory hallucination. you just want your kids back, you keep telling him this, until he snaps and starts shooting mines under both of you.
forever is still out of his mind. your kids are still missing. the roses are burning.
bad said no to the proposal, of course he did. that's not forever, the kids are gone, this is no time or place for such a thing even if forever was himself. but I don't think forever asked because he feels "opposite than what he usually feels" under the pills. he's manic and under the influence and half brainwashed - he wants every day to be the best day.
and how heartbreaking is that? that bad is only being proposed to while forever is out of his mind. that forever wants bad to say yes because that would make the day the best day ever for him. that under any other circumstances, on that bench with the roses all around them, it might have been something good?
#idk man like take this with a grain of salt too know but l'm taking a stand against every twt user that's been annoying me with their takes#you can't view all of this under a purely platonic lense because of the way they've been playing their characters. you also can't see it as#oh forever finally proposed!' because he's not! it's a whole fucked situation there's nuance and complications and so many factors#like don't be upset bad said no forever is clearly not himself? and who knows if he would even say yes in the first place?#but also on the opposite side like chill out? they've never been read as purely platonic? it's all fucked yeah don't be weirdly like#idk it's the people who are like that's fucked up and you're fucked up for watching it' with no media literacy. like yeah we're all aware#anyways. my view is that they've got incredibly complicated feelings towards eachother. forever would be happiest marrying bad#bad might not say yes under normal circumstances because again they've got a whole complex situation. he isn't sure of his own feelings on a#good day#idk. I need to write an essay about this and what bads internal monologue or thoughts might have been because#it's like. he's angry at forever. he has feelings for forever. he doesn't want to be with him but he doesn't want him with anyone else#there's a world where he could marry forever and be happy. but not here and not like this. idk#these are my interpretations at least!#either way the whole bench scene was phenomenal well done#z speaks#qsmp#mcyt#bbh#forever#q!bbh#q!forever#reposting this so my organizational tags work ✌️#4halo
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im-smart-i-swear · 3 months
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unable to let go
something something both of these fuckers have spent so long depending on each other that they cant function w/o the other guy despite Tashi's continously worsening mental state and unhealthy clinginess and Soup's desire to explore the world and meet new people...
like the thing about soup is that she had never really been a person who does well stuck in one place for too long, but also tashi is her brother. theyve been through hell and back together and she feels immense guilt for even considering having a life outside of their little family, and also she has NOT worked through her gladiator trauma AT ALL and has been just holding everything in and trying to be a perfect caring figure despite all the anger and frustration she experiences on a daily basis...
(tashi is dealing with that too, but hes never been as good as her at hiding it, and also he has the tendency to make this stuff everyones problem - thus sidelining soups problems by accident. i think soup is kind of what tashi desperately WANTS to be, in a way. on the outside shes the 'stoic selfless caregiver' and i think tashi is jealous of that, so much so that he sometimes forgets that soup is just as much a person with her own problems and desires and flaws as everyone else)
soup is frustrated by how shes been having to take more and more responsibilities as time goes on (bc of tashis Whole Thing and buddys fear of assuming any kind of leadership position) and a part of her loathes this life and she wants to leave. i think her and zoras relationship plays a big role in her feeling on the matter bc shes NOT part of the family, shes someone new and diffrent and thats enticing... also over the years soup had built up this calm easygoing persona that zora can see through, zora is very aware of soups violent past and she is not sfraid of it, giving soup a safe space to express those more negative feelings freely for the first time in YEARS
Its very hand in unlovable hand coded but they very much love each other still and thats kinda the problem
Also putting some notes on their younger selves here bc this feels relevant to how these two ended up
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tennessoui · 1 year
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You have to have water fic titles because you're drowning in wips, huh?
:0
(On one hand i personally found this very funny and I did do a little huff huff of genuine laughter—)
(On the other hand I did do a little quick calculation, and over the 2 years I’ve been writing in this niche of a fandom, I’ve published 60 fanfictions on ao3 and of that 60, 48 have been completed, which leaves me with 12 work in progress fics on ao3—OUT OF 60!!!!!! 12 fics out of 60 that are works in progress !!!!!
12 !!!!! Out of!!!!! 60!!!!!!!!!!)
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toytulini · 10 months
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terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally
re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.
Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.
#toy txt post#this was meant to be a quick post it got a bit longer and more in depth than i planned oops#i just hate when ppl act like All Dogs have Inherently Correct Judgement Of People#like from every angle. its funny to joke about but i know theres ppl out there who might be feeling like#very fragile in their gender or smth and seeing a post like that if they meet a dog that normally hates men but not women but it doesnt#recognize your inherent true gender im sure seeing shit like that post can be a horr#got interrupted by a phone call while typing it and the post is glitching so i cant see where that tag is cut off so uh#dogs are like ppl in that they can develop biases and have bad judgement and they dont always get it right#they are not like ppl in that it is not possible to ask a dog to examine its biases. you cannot make a dog take a class on#critical race theory. you have to work to socialize and desensitize them against those biases or at least make sure those biases theyve#developed dont negatively impact ppl. in this sense i guess im morally obligated to try to learn more spanish to see if it helps my dog#chill. shes nervous around all new ppl but parents have anecdotally noted she extra dislikes men speaking in spanish. she was a stray so we#dont really know her history. she also does Not like fire pokers outside. weirdly even tho its basically the same tool she is unfazed by#the indoor poker for the woodstove? but ig she wouldve had less exposure to indoor woodstoves as a stray in Louisiana?#but i can see like ppl having a little backyard barbecue and threatening the big mastiff looking stray dog with a fire poker and i think#that region of the country prolly has a higher number of spanish speaking ppl than our current residence so the odds of her running into a#spanish speaking guy who isnt very nice are prolly higher just due to a denser population as a whole. and we think shes part mastiff which#i think is a breed already prone to disliking strangers that probably cooked up into a little cocktail in her brain#luckily shes bad enough with All Strangers that i think honestly it would be hard to even notice her bias? but. ig i need to see if i can#desensitize her? idk. sighs but im scared to open duolingo now 😭. but i could maybe do it. when other ppl wear hats she fucking hates it#i wear a fucking face covering mask that looks like a giant eyeball she looks at me a little quizzically but is fine. jester hat? fine#i am like that video of the person desensitizing that horse except thats just like. living w me. minus the cat thing. id never do that to#the cats or dog. everyone would hate that. squirrel already cant tolerate being held while a dog is out cos he THINKS im going to do that.#it would traumatize the dog cos he'd injure me escaping and then prolly her trying to scare her off to get past her and shes just minding#her business. solo i cant hold that long but is less likely to injure anyone. shadow. first of all all 3 are way too heavy to be holding#like that#im getting lost in the tags again sorry im chewing caffeinated gum. i should go try to buy some catnip#ive made my Phone Calls. im gonna try to go get dressed and buy various catnip products. maybe lure him with a toy this time. need my#parents to help me but not be so visibly Ready to help me next time cos i do not want to chase his ass again...
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midnightfangz · 1 year
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There's something about silly cafe AUs that soothes my soul so much
#hi. my name is pluto and i came up with yet another idea for a fic#will i ever finish the previous wips? who knows#anyways. imagine a spiderverse cafe au where the spiders run a small cafe/restaurant/bakery whatever#the parker surname is funny inside joke bc none of them are related#peter b is either that one employee whos been there longest (has a lot of experience) or is the owner#peter b's mary jane delivers the fruit and vegetables and whatnot. theyre exes and are trying to act professional#but they decide to try again (like in the movie). the drama is unreal and the rest of the spider squad tease him about it so much#gwen is that one punk teen thats kinda scary. feels like shes judging you but shes actually just tired#rude customers stand no chance against her. makes delicious coffee. makes the best playlists. chill coworker#peni is also a teen. the best coworker you could ask for. customers love her bc shes very pleasant and overall really really nice#miles is the fresh faced part timer. kinda clumsy. well liked amongst the aunties and moms#draws THE BEST doodles on the cups/bags and so on#noir is also the scary coworker whos very chill once you get to know him. takes care of the deliveries. makes the food#strong as fuck. all the moms and grandmas fawn over him but hes clueless#felix (male felicia hardy. kinda an oc at this point?? love him so much) is one of the delivery guys. very punctual and pleasant#also very charming. brings gifts and things like that to people he likes. sneaks in snacks#benjamin (noir) doesnt care much for him at the beginning but after some time he weirdly?? feels upset?? when the delivery person#is not felix?? they start talking while taking the stuff out of the delivery van. laugh. get to know each other better#then felix starts visiting the cafe/whatever. becomes a regular. benjamin starts giving him food/coffee 'for the road'#the rest of the squad thinks theyre disgustingly adorable and try to get them together#I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS BUT I WILL DIE IF I FORGET ABOUT THIS#midnightfangz.txt#fanfiction#writing#long tags#spiderman: into the spiderverse
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bi-panic-at-the-disco · 5 months
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im actually so fine and normal and not stressed out rn
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queenlucythevaliant · 2 years
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Okay, @laurelindorenan and @catkin-morgs were interested in my Star Wars thoughts, so here ya go. No particular order, just gonna ramble. Idk what all to discuss exactly, so this will be pretty broad-strokes.  
I am an Original Trilogy girl at heart and I do maintain that all three are actual masterpieces. All other Star Wars media, good bad or otherwise, is secondary in my book. Not an unusual opinion or anything, but maybe a little out of step with a lot of folks my age. I didn’t actually even see the prequel trilogy until the runup to The Force Awakens. 
And I just. I can’t even articulate the fondness and joy and giddy love that I have for those first three movies. For Luke, Leia, and Han. The whole supporting cast. The sound of Darth Vader’s breathing. Wookiee noises. Lightsabers and blasters and the jump to hyperspace. The sets! Hoth and the Death Star and the Millennium Falcon and Cloud City and -- and-- they’re so immersive and tangible and lived in and it always feel likes I could just step into them. The music!
I adore every single solitary thing about the romance between Leia and Han, which was probably the first love story I ever encountered that fully captivated my heart. It’s not just the bickering, it’s the fact that they change each other! They’re fire and steel together, but also Han learns to stay and to care because he loves Leia and Leia steps away from the rebellion to go after Han. He’s blind and frightened and he asks “who’s there” and she replies, “someone who loves you.” 
The themes of family tragedy and legacy and love and REDEMPTION! Han coming back to the Death Star and Lando the rebellion general and “I’ve got to save you!”/”You already have.” Luke, Luke the boy who throws aside his weapon and says “I am a Jedi like my father before me.” Who risks everything on the foolish, stupid hope that his father can be rescued from the Dark and he’s right. 
Thanks heavily to the influence of my dad, I’m an old fogey Star Wars fan who vehemently rejects the special editions. I alluded to the fact that I switched over to the despecialized edition to show my roommate the original Han/Greedo scene, subtitles be damned. I plan to do the same with the ending of Return of the Jedi. Idk, maybe that’s a little too rigid of me, but I can’t help it. I’m my father’s daughter. 
My personal ranking of the current cannon:
The good stuff, in order of preference: Jedi Empire, ANH (tentatively- my favorite OT movie is the one I've watched most recently), Clone Wars season 7, rest of Clone Wars, The Mandalorian seasons 1 and 2.
Revenge of the Sith is compelling in spite of itself, but I can't quite bring myself to call it good. I’m ehhh on Rogue One and Obi-Wan. I have a complicated relationship with The Last Jedi.
I actively dislike Solo, Attack of the Clones, The Force Awakens, Phantom Menace, and The Rise of Skywalker (UGH), in ascending order of badness.
Haven’t seen Andor, Book of Boba Fett, or any of Rebels apart from like, 4 episodes. Waiting to watch Mandalorian s3 with my Dad over Christmas.
I also read a whole bunch of the old EU books as a kid and while the quality is highly variable, I still have very fond memories of quite a lot of it. I fully maintain that the sequel trilogy should have pulled from the New Jedi Order series. I miss Jaina Solo.
The prequels are. Um. They’re less than the sum of their parts. The opening to Revenge of the Sith is straight fire and you know I love me a good doomed romance and I swear I could get high on “This is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.” But like. Sigh. They’re not good movies, guys. I know a lot of people my age will defend these movies, but I just. No. Y’all are nuts. The older crowd is right, the prequels are, in fact, bad, but hey, at least they gave us Clone Wars. 
On the other hand, the sequel trilogy is just a blot on the series. In a vacuum, I do rather like The Last Jedi as a movie, particularly the last hour, but in the context of the original films it's terribly unfair and cruel to Luke. It had some great themes and striking visuals, though. I never much liked The Force Awakens once the initial high wore off because it was super bland and not nearly interesting enough to distract me from the fact that it broke up Han and Leia!! Like what the heck. And of course The Rise of Skywalker is utter garbage. 
I wish Disney would stop it with all the new Content(tm), or at least slow down. It's just too much.
idk what else to say. I reblog Star Wars stuff on my other blog sometimes, but ironically (because it’s the biggest franchise in the world basically), Star Wars is really personal to me. I’m always, always, always gonna connect it with my dad.
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hythlodaes · 10 months
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todays my day off but i came in to work bc there’s still so much to do, so i bought myself snoopy pjs to treat myself 😌
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doebt · 2 years
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it IS  trigger finger. WTF
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kellystar321 · 1 year
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bbeeohazardd · 4 months
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jrwi fan community on twitter THE most annoying place on earth, my congolences to jrwicrew because good lird
#it's literally mainly just people complaining about stuff the crew decides or people being weirdly obsessive or other stuff like that#like literally you can tell these people were fans of the minecraft roleplay stuff back in 2020 just from the way they expect SO MUCH from#the crew when like bro they don't owe any of us shit#i esp feel bad for slime bc that dude has to deal with so many twitter brainrotted people getting mad at him for dumb shit#like fuck man if i ever somehow got to his level of popularity i'd get into trouble just from blocking and yelling at people for being-#-weirdly obsessive#augh idk i'm not trying to make any big points with this ig but if you're a fan just remember to have a level of separation#when it comes to the crew bc at the end of the day they're just a group of friends playing dnd while letting us watch that#constantly complaining about what the crew decide to do or not to do with their characters and campaigns is just an asshole thing to do#and being constantly obsessive(even on a small level) about what the crew are up to is just fucking creepy#tbf that last one is more of an issue of Slime's fans but still be normal and be chill#also for the love of god get off twitter get off twitter and detach yourself from twitter fan communities#i promise you that the moment you do that you'll have a much healthier view of fan culture and a healthier relationship with your interest#take my hand free yourself from the shackles of algorithm encouraged obsession#also if this somehow gets in the maintag due to tumblr's wretched posting system i'm so sorry
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hecksupremechips · 6 months
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I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either
She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is
Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟
#the letter#rebecca gales#my beloved my bestie my wife etc#ive also just written like in a scenario where she gets with luke shes gonna like get that dick and then shes like oh fuckkkkk#and its pretty frightening cuz luke is a notorious asshole but hes about to find out so she just lets it out#and hes weirdly chill hes just like ‘hnnnghh does it look like i fucking care about that right now daisy’#they uh. arent exactly a match made in heaven alkskf the way i write it like they are genuinely good for each other in a lot of ways#like i think they both can just help the other see important sides to themselves and improve#but i dont see them being like this happy long term couple i think rebecca can do soooo much better i think theyd get together when shes at#rock bottom and feels like no one will ever love her and she forms a bond with luke and she relates to him in a weird way#and this makes her feel worse like luke is the only one who sees the real her and she wants him because shes afraid hes the only one whod#tolerate her its just a very unhealthy situation and he has enough good in him to keep her on the hook#but enough bad in him to never satisfy what she needs and to make her feel like shit#its like. i dont think its IMPOSSIBLE for luke to be a good partner to her but hed have to do a LOTTT of changing that im just not confident#hed do plus like i mean hes literally a murderer and all of rebeccas friends hate him i dont think shed really be able to see past that#plus like hed be transphobic like maybe he isnt opposed to having sex with a trans woman in the moment but he certainly wouldnt be an ally#its all about whats convenient for him i think at best hed be like ‘youre one of the good ones!’#i kinda love lukebecca lol not in a ‘theyre cute’ way ew just in a. ‘their interactions are really funny and interesting’ kinda way#i want them to fuck nasty and i want rebecca to almost sink to his level but then rise above and kick his ass#and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life#and then rebecca lives her best life with her awesome friends and they work on communicating properly#and she realizes she doesnt need a man to complete her and then she writes a book and is loved pleaseeee
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heart-shaped-chains · 6 months
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Yap session bc wow.
Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.
Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!
But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.
Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.
And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?
Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...
Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.
Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.
Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.
But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.
And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!
And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!
Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???
#cj rambles#vent#situationship#gay#mlm#trans#ftm#dude i hate it here#minors dni#like seriously. you literally rejected me.#and then came back and was like 'oh ur trying to get me to like you' when I'm literally NOT.#like. i say im interested in a relationship and you get cold feet.#but when i move on from wanting a romance with you you fucking turn around.#which tells me that you dont want me. you just want to be desired without having to reciprocate#and frankly i dont deserve that like. you used me as a rebound once and that was on you.#but im not letting you play me again. even if you want to change. bc frankly i dont like you bro#and also i hate the raceplay it makes me feel like a piece of shit like i dont genuinely believe but. its too far for me.#like i just feel awful doing it and i dont like this guy enough to feel comfortable doing it now that i think ab it#and hes weirdly fixated on me being white too like. i get it. im pale. i look dead at times. chill.#i would like that same energy to b directed to my transness pretty please. actually not the same energy but still....#like idk the vibes are horrendous rn i just dont know how to cut him off bc i dont want him to worry about me (or try to contact me again)#like idk this may sound mean but...Yeah im gonna be mean actually#this guy is a fucking loser who needs therapy i don't have the patience to fucking deal with him#like hes beneath me bc he's conservative/sexist/lowkey transphobic/doesn't do a lot of introspection.#and maybe that's selfish but that's just more reason to not associate with him. bc this is gonna turn toxic bc im losing my patience yk?#plus i can't do long distance. i need quality time and physical touch. you can't kiss and cuddle through a screen.#also our aesthetics are very different and he's hot but he's not my type. also i don't like his voice. and i have a thing about voices.#also his dick is too big like. i can't get 3 fingers in and that thing just looks like it would hurt. im good. im not a size queen.#like idk the more i think about it the more i realize that we r not compatible#i dont want you bro just fuck OFF!!!
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