#Lloyd LOATHES it

[yasur-sketches]

One of my favorite Ninjago aus is Keeping Up With the Ninja

Basically, the Ninja are stuck with a reality tv show after Dareth and Kai sign a legally binding contract together

[kaiaden]

Breaking Point- Ninjago comic skit

TW! Blood, self loathing, and Self harm, tho it is not in a suicidal or depressed way, just Lloyd not being careful with his claws when he woke up from a nightmare

[irl-l-l-o-y-d]

Tap water /derogatory

[obsessedbee]

okay read one fic and now i miss my old ninjago college au bc i never really went into depth that Lloyd in that universe is trans- it just literally never came up in a natural way but if i wrote the SEQUEL it could....

i will not be writing the sequel as of right now, i'm gonna have to keep up with the 5000 blasted fic atm

[dark-twist-fairytales]

Garmadon for character bingo? Any iteration or the character as a whole, whichever you want

Complex feelings, but this goes through Garmadon in general for our view over the years.

[hollowflight-propaganda]

Unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think that March of the Oni is one of the worst Ninjago seasons, (That is if you even count it as a season.) and it's all because of that last episode. The fact that the title is even "Endings" and yet is one of the worst season finales I've seen in this whole show just makes my blood boil.

Because when you think about it, this episode is supposed to act as the ending not only for itself and the two seasons before it, but the first ten seasons and the Wilfilm era as a whole. But, to me at least, it just feels like it dropped the ball. (If you wanna read my long ass rant, be my guest.)

The most egregious thing this episode does is what they did with Cole. Literally what was the reason for this fake out death if he's just gonna show up completely fine afterwards. And yes, I know that it sparked some of the most tear jerking moments in this show and furthered what Lloyd and Garmadon had going on, but doesn't that just make it worse that it feels like this whole thing went nowhere? And I don't want to hear anything like, "Well, bad and unexpected things happen in life all the time! It's just being realistic!" If this show was going for that type of realism everyone in the main cast should be dead by now. And I'm not saying that that's not a true statement about the world, but this is a lego ninja show aimed at eight year olds.

And then there's the second fake out death in this four episode season. And I'm also aware that the scene where Lloyd meets the FSM is cool. I also think that the scene is really cool! But my problem lies in the fact that Lloyd dying and then being fine minutes later doesn't serve anything. At least Cole falling caused some interesting scenes, but what happened to Lloyd doesn't cause anything! And yes, he met god, but then god told him that he won't remember any of this anyway. Oh well.

And then Garmadon just walks away??? Like, I get why HE would do that, but Wu just let's him leave????? Isn't this guy literally only the evil parts of who he was before? And not to mention that he forcibly became a dictator like three weeks ago.

And there's so many other things that piss me off, like how Kai has kind of a full circle moment with his smithing abilities, and as a longtime Kai fan I really like this idea! But then it was only a 20 second montage. Like, you aren't even going to give us a reason as to how he became so good at being a blacksmith that he can reforge the fucking GOLDEN WEAPONS? NO??? Ok then! *explodes with rage*

And my next complaint is moreso targeted at the whole season, but am I the only one who thinks that the Oni where really underwhelming? Like, these are supposed to be demons hellbent on the total destruction of the universe, but they're also the most forgettable villains in this entire show. The only reason why I even remember Omega's name is because that name in this context is kickass, but other than that he has nothing going for him. He's just here to destroy and kill everybody, that's it. What makes him and say, Kalmaar so different, is that Kalmaar has an actual personality. They have the same fundamental plan, but Kalmaar feels more like a classic disney villain while Omega is an extremely watered down version of the Christian take on Satan. This could've been the chance to make some absolutely epic lore about the Oni, where they've been, what they're like, or literally anything. But no, they're just here to kill.

And then they where defeated by the power of spinning really fast with your fam. The whole Tornado of Creation coming back just to serve as a callback and a convenient Oni killswitch has always bugged me. It just feels really cheap, especially with how everything faded to white and we didn't even get to see what actually happened.

But the real reason why I hate this final episode so damn much is that, I really liked the episodes before it! When it was coming out I thought that this would be really good, and I was legitimately excited to see how it ended! But then it crushed my dreams by having the worst ending possible and I haven't been able to trust since.

Okay, I think I'm done now, these aren't all of the reasons why I hate it so much, but I've rambled enough so I'm done.

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

So I don't know if you already answered a similar question but since lloyd is already kind of a teenager are you still going to include the episode where the ninjas get turned into kids? There's so much potential! Lloyd getting the chance to be the older brother, Jesse getting to swoon over a little Cole😳 and just adorable shenanigans! ... plus a monster on the heels of the Ninjas and out for blood

Yes, still including that episode! It’s got one of my favorite Lloyd moments in it after all ^^

Although Lloyd gets caught up in the aging thing by accident too (everyone affected gets aged down by seven years, making the Core Four 10 and 9 and Lloyd himself 7) and Nya’s the one playing the big sibling role instead (she gets exempted strictly due to Garmadon’s phrasing askfkglsjalf). Lloyd still makes a sacrifice of his childhood—we just still get to know how old he actually is haha

[ormspryde]

Used an alt prompt today because I didn't want to write about literal torture. (figurative is fine somehow??) Anyway, I hope people want to see Zelos suffer.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Grey Zone 4

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, age gap, bullying, toxic parental figures, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your relationship with your parents has never been good, and that with a family friend takes a strange turn(goth!reader)

Character: Lloyd Hansen

Note: We're back

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Your bedroom door swings open, the handle knocking against the short shelf of figures behind it. You clutch the black skirt in your hands and face your mother as she gives you that look. The one dripping in disappointment and loathing. She’s hungover, you can tell by how she squints.

“Are you not ready yet?” She sneers, a Louis bag dangling from her elbow.

“Almost,” you assure her, rolling your tongue nervously, “mom, are you sure I should come? Work isn’t very happy about the time off and–”

“How dare you,” she accuses, flinching at the spark of her own temper, bringing her manicure to her temple, “Lloyd has been very nice in inviting us all to the lake house and I will not have you spoil it with your attitude.”

“I wasn’t trying to… I just thought…”

“Stop thinking,” she points at you with a long shellacked nail, “you’ll ruin everything.”

You snap your mouth shut. For her, this is another vacation. You know her plans don’t extend past wine and naps in the sun. And it is supposed to be a ‘family trip’. If you don’t go, your father might just tell her to stay behind too. It’s not that she wants you to go, but she wants to be sure she gets to go.

“I’ll be ready in like ten,” you spin back to your bed and tuck the skirt into your duffle.

“Make it five,” she huffs with the click of her tongue.

She prances off and you shake your head at the stacks of clothes in front of you. You cut it down as you roll up each piece to fit into your bag. You don’t need much. You shove your chest of makeup at the end and tuck your toiletry pouch inside.

You grab your leather knapsack and slide your laptop inside with your textbooks. You wonder if you’ll even have a signal all the way up north. If not, you’ll have a lot of catching up to do. Oh well, maybe it will be nice to get away. Or maybe you’ll be in hell, trapped in an isolated cabin with your own parents.

And him.

You shove a few novels in along with your computer and zip it up. You drag your stuff towards the door and grab your jacket from the clothes rack against the far wall. The long black trench goes well over your wide-leg curtain paints and razor back halter. You pop on a wide brimmed black hat and your favourite pair of sunglasses; black lenses framed with silver.

You grab your bags and haul them out of your room, making the slow and perilous descent to the first floor. You leave your bags right behind your mother’s pile of matching Louis luggage and wiggle your feet into your clunky Mary Janes. 

Your mother emerges with a sunhat and a pair of large square framed sunglasses. She winks at you as she tucks a flask into her purse. You say nothing and cross your legs, perching on the bench impatiently.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” She harrumphs.

“Yeah?” You look down.

“You don’t have anything… lighter? It’s sunny out.”

You shrug, “we’ll just be in the car.”

You stare at her bags. How much does she need to bring? The physics of packing all of it into the SUV worries you. You fully expect to be crammed in next to her bandouliere bag.

“Constance!” Your father’s voice booms as his steps pound onto the porch. You look at the screen door as he rips it open, “well,” he stops short inside, “I told you to start bringing your shit out.”

“I told you, my shoulder,” your mother pouts, “yell at your daughter, she’s the one sitting around.”

Your father huffs and grabs her largest bag, pointing at you then the rest of her things, “well, let’s get this going. I don’t wanna be driving past midnight.”

You get up and grab two of the lighter bags. You roll your eyes behind your lenses, knowing you won’t be caught. You follow your father out the front door, the weight of your mother’s excess chafing your fingers. What did she pack?

The hatch door of the SUV is already open. Your father’s things are neatly placed against the wall of the trunk. He hikes up your mother’s suitcase in the other side and it takes up much of the remaining space. You place the two in hand on top and ponder the last three. It’s like a very unfortunate game of Tetris.

“Go,” your father snaps his fingers, “get the rest.”

You don’t argue. As you come up on the porch, your mother emerges with a bright pink travel tumbler in hand, slurping on the straw as your left to wonder at the contents. You dip inside and retrieve her smallest bags; a perfect circular valise and two more oblong ones.

You hand them off to your father and he grumbles under his breath as he tries to fit them into the hatch. You return to the house to get your own bags. You won’t mind sitting with your own things. 

The backseat offers little hope as you find a large cooler taking up more than half of its length and fishing rods across the floor. So, where exactly are you supposed to sit?

As you stare, perplexed by the puzzle of your own belonging, a horn toots and a car rolls up the driveway, coming just short of your father as he turns to stare down the Bentley. You keep your knapsack on your shoulder and your bag clutched tight.

You face Mr. Hansen as he climbs out of his car, leaning on the door as he looks over it at your dad, “Ray Ray, ready to go?”

“Just loading up,” your father answers.

“Holy shit,” Mr. Hansen snorts, “you know you’re not moving in for good, right?”

“Connie’s shit,” your father snarls.

Hansen shuts his car door as he strides up the tarmac. His focus shifts as he sees you standing listless. He flicks his sunglasses up and gives a crooked smirk.

“Hey, sunshine,” he greets, “uh, Ray,” he stops, just a few inches from you, pivoting towards the back of the SUV, “where exactly is the baby girl supposed to fit? You strapping her to the roof?”

“She’ll squeeze in,” you father dimisses.

“For eight hours?” Hansen’s fingers tickle along the back of your arm and he squeezes just above his elbow, “I got lots of room.”

“I don’t care. Take her, then,” your father barks, “I got Lonny bringing up supplies, I don’t needa worry about all that.”

“Hear that, starbright, go toss your things in mine,” Hansen twirls his keyring and holds it out to you, “lots of legroom.”

“Um, it’s fine–”

“Don’t argue,” your father slams the hatch door. “He’s right, we don’t got the space.”

You could suggest your mother leaves a few things behind but you know that will only end the same. You take Hansen’s keys and thank him. He grins and steps back, not much, just enough for you to pass, just close enough for you to brush against him.

You go down the drive, surprised to find yourself trailed by another set of steps. You glance over your shoulder as Hansen circles around you, “bottom button, sunny.”

You hit the fob and the trunk pops open. He seizes your bag before you can react and puts it in next to his. You slip your knapsack down your arm and he just as quickly has it in hand.

“Couldn’t imagine eight hours in a car with those two,” he says quietly, “you’re welcome.”

“Uh, yeah, thanks.” 

You cross your arms and step back as he closes the trunk. He keeps his hand on the sleek pant and eyes you up and down. He tilts his head and his tongue pokes out.

“You feel like driving,” he asks, “I don’t mind.” He pats the butt of the car, “she handles well.”

“Um, it’s okay…”

“Come on, you get the first hour and we can switch at the rest stop,” he goads, “I woke up fuckshit early.”

“Alright, I guess,” you keep the keys in your hand and go to step around him.

“Wait, wait,” he blocks your path, “one more thing.”

“Alright?” You frown.

“I didn’t say…” he reaches to tap the brim of your hat, “you look fucking good.”

You don’t know how to respond. You’re unused to compliments and a simple thank you would do but something about his tone has you tongue-tied. You wipe away your chagrin and try to smile. Your lips just quiver and fall straight.

“Right, let’s stop dragging ass,” he spins and struts up the driveway, “Ray,” he calls to your dad, “here’s the spare key. In case you get ahead of us.”

You chew your lip and slowly walk along the side of the car. You unlock the doors and open the driver’s side. You reticently get in and take off your hat, twisting to throw it in the backseat. You turn straight and adjust the seat and steering wheel. It’s a really nice car.

The passenger door opens and Lloyd drops in, sliding the seat all the way back as he stretches his legs. You leave the keys in the cupholder and push the ignition. The engine rolls as you take in the breadth of controls. Nothing too unusual.

“What’s that shade of lipstick called?” Lloyd leans on the armrest of his seat, “how many shades of black can they sell?”

“Um, I don’t know,” you fix the mirror.

“Like those glasses. Where’d you get them?”

“Amazon,” you answer as you shift into reverse, the camera showing on the console screen. You grip the wheel and slowly back out.

“Now, don’t be afraid to put that foot down once we hit the highway,” he says, “she’s got a lot of power. She can handle it.”

“Mhmm,” you stop at the end of the driveway and look both ways down the street. “Got it.”

🖤

As promised, you trade places with Lloyd after the first hour. He’s a bit more heavy-footed and you find yourself with your hand on the door as you brace yourself with his careless and aggressive passing. You’re a cautious driver and his style has you almost dizzy. You’re not bold enough to tell him to slow down.

“Isn’t this nice?” He asks, “no squabbling middle-aged assholes to listen to.”

“Sure,” you grasp the seat belt as you keep a wary gaze through the windshield.

“Hopefully it’s only more of this, baby,” he continues, “my house, my rules. You don’t worry about mommy and daddy.”

You nod and hold back a squeak as he swoops in front of another car. You wish you had kept driving. You hate this.

“I’ll be working on my tan as daddy does all the hard work,” he scoffs, “been a long year.”

You listen, almost curious as he’s rarely anything close to transparent. You would never imagine him having a bad day. He seems to carry it with that no fucks given strut. He swerves again and you can’t help but elicit a rather pathetic noise.

“Mr. Hansen, can you… slow down a little?” You ask.

He doesn’t answer right away but he does as you request. “I get it, you wanna enjoy our time together,” he snickers.

“Uh, well, I get a bit carsick,” you utter.

“Ah,” he accepts with an air of disappointment, “can I ask you something?”

“Okay.”

“Can you call me Lloyd? This Mr. Hansen business makes me feel old as shit. I’m not, you know, I got all my faculties,” he lets out a small chuckle, “just so you know.”

“Right, Lloyd, sorry,” you say, “dad just… you’re his friend so he–”

“Yeah, real tight ass but damn good at what he does. The biggest fuckers always are,” he scoffs.

“I guess…”

“So, those girls, they bug you again?” He keeps the same pace in conversation as he does driving. You’re disoriented by the flip.

“Haven’t seen them, no…”

“You know, they’re just jealous,” he says, “I know girls like that. I’ve f– met a lot. They’re not worth it.” He shakes his head and laughs, “hate to say it, but your mom is one of those. Never a nice thing to say about anyone but herself.”

You lean into the seat and bend your arms in front of your stomach. You know that. Deep down, you know your family is imperfect, you just didn’t realise how obvious it is.

“You’re young. Shit’s tough when you’re figuring it out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur.

“You got Spotify or something?” He asks abruptly, once more jarring you. “Got bluetooth in here. May as well put something on, we got time.”

“Right, uh, I could…” you dig your phone out as he pushes buttons on the steering wheel with his thumb. The screen flashes with the pairing symbol.

You find the right connection and scroll through your playlists. You don’t know if he’ll like any of those. Maybe you could find something generic.

“What do you like?” You ask.

He answers with a chortle, “nah, you put something on. I wanna hear your music.”

“Well, it’s a bit… of an acquired taste.”

“My car, my rules, put your music on,” he demands.

You resign and tap shuffle on your weekly mix. Joy Division drones from the random selection and you black out the screen. You’re comforted by the familiar tones.

“Holy fuck,” Lloyd says, “this is old shit. Before my time, even.”

“Uh, yeah,” you reply, “it’s just a shuffle–”

“Not complaining,” he smirks, “glad I actually know this one.”

You exhale and try to relax. It’s going to be a long ride and you're thankful he opened that door. You don’t know how much longer you could handle his chaotic conversation. Only six hours or so, you can make it if you have music.

[spinchip]

NEVER THE DARK

Chapter 15

Read on Ao3

Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14

warnings: Character death

I LOVE WHAT I DO NOT HAVE. YOU ARE SO FAR. // MY LOATHING WRESTLES WITH THE SLOW TWILIGHTS.

“She’s already seen you face, why does it matter if she knows your name?” Kai asis from where he’s still sprawled across the front of Miss Emma.

Birdy sits down heavily, his back to the group, “it does not matter." He says simply, but there’s a slump to his shoulders that telegraphs defeat. Hopelessness. Nya knows that this is bad. "All that matters is getting you to the Mountain of Madness.” 

Miss Emma floats on. Jay has stopped shocking her, collapsed on top of her bell tiredly as Kai keeps them moving. No one says anything. Over time, Miss Emma begins to droop again. When Jay gives her another shock, she just seems to lower herself quicker to the ground.

“She wants us off.” Nya realizes as the jelly's tentacles pool along the ground under them.

“We are a heavy burden for her to carry.” Birdy agrees.

They are passing over a forest- this one is a menagerie of blues, reds, and purples. The grass is a dark teal and white flowers and tall tubes protrude from the earth. Miss Emma drops low enough in a clearing that they can jump off without getting hurt and stops completely, waiting.

“Thank you.” Birdy says quietly to the animal. Kai pets her bell as a gesture of appreciation, and they all slide off her and onto the forest floor. The moment there are no more hitch-hikers on her bell, Miss Emma slowly drifts away, flying high enough to disappear into the clouds.

There's a long, tense moment as no one knows what to do next.

“We should keep moving.” Birdy says softly.

“She was telling us the truth, wasn’t she?” Kai asks bluntly.

Lloyd steps forward, “Kai-” He starts but Birdy cuts him off.

“What did she tell you?”

Kai locks eyes with Birdy and the air grows thick with tension.

It’s Jay who speaks next, “Barath told me you murdered Farley. He said that you were a warlord in your past life, and that you had committed crimes among the worst of all the people banished here.”

“Genocide.” Kai clarifies, “Destruction of land, culture, food. Untold numbers of death and destruction. Samira told me about how you’ve kept trophies of those you killed. Your mask, your knife… all belonging to the dead.”

Nya can’t help her own need to know the truth and she speaks up next, “Wox told me you were dangerous. That the respect these people have for you is based in fear and hatred.”

Cole hesitates, “And Ila said you walked into Oasis the day after you killed Farley covered in his blood.”

“All true.” Birdy doesn’t hesitate to confirm it. “You were right in the throne room, Kai. I am a monster.”

“Birdy-!” Lloyd whips around to face him, appalled, “No!”

Birdy squares his shoulders, “No, Lloyd. I must take accountability. I cannot run from this.'' He doesn’t break eye contact with Kai, “This is who I am, yes, but I have no ill will towards you all. Samira was right that I know how important you are to Ninjago too, and I will not allow my home realm to go unprotected and vulnerable without you. I belong here, in this place, but you do not. I will get you home, I swear it.'' His voice takes on an edge of desperate honesty.

They were still so far from the Mountain of Madness. If they left Birdy here and tried to find it on their own, it could be ages before they got out of here.

Lloyd looks from Birdy to the others, waiting. It hits Nya that Lloyd is waiting on them to weigh in- he wants to hear what they all have to say. It’s not like Lloyd never asks what they think on large decisions of this nature, but ever since they lost Zane Lloyd had taken the full weight of leadership and had refused to share it with the rest of the team. He was the one who made decisions. He was the one who was always alone in that choice. Maybe he was tired of being alone.

Nya doesn’t know what to think.

Cole steps forward first and Nya knows his opinion well enough that she can tune him out, “I still trust him.” But when he speaks, she looks at Cole and really listens, taking in everything he says, “He wasn’t working with Samira. He wasn’t in cahoots with Maurice. Everything he’s done has been solely for us, at the detriment of himself.” He locks eyes with Birdy, “Maybe he did some bad things… some really bad things… but he’s trying to help us. It’s all he’s been trying to do. I don’t think he’s going to lead us astray. I still want him to guide us.”

There’s a pause after Cole finishes, “Cole is right.” Nya says aloud, finding the truth in her words. Everything Cole said made sense. Birdy had been on their side from day one- “He stopped Maurice before he even knew we were the elemental masters. He had no reason to do that, but he did.”

“You can’t be serious!” Jay gapes, “Didn’t you hear him? Confirmed murderer! Evil bad guy here!! How can you just take his side?”

“I’m not on anybody's side but ours,” Nya fires back immediately, “I may not be thrilled about putting my faith in a- former- dicator, but I want what’s best for us, and getting back to Ninjago as quickly as possible is exactly that.”

Jay looks down at that, thinking.

“I can’t follow him.” Kai says sourly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lloyd finally speaks up, “What Birdy did in the past-” He looks back at Birdy and pauses, face twisting as he hesitates on what to say next, “It wasn’t as black and white as it seems.” He settles on finally, “I trust him.”

There’s a heavy, tense silence. Lloyd meets Kai eyes, his expression imploring him to see sense.

“I don’t trust him.” Kai reiterates firmly. He closes his eyes with a grimace, “...But I do trust you. If you think this is the right call… then I do too.” he bites out begrudgingly.

“Fine.” Jay echoes, crossing his arms, “Let's go then.”

Birdy takes a moment to look around and get his bearings before he starts to walk, the others falling in line behind him. It's... awkward. He doesn’t speak much, only opening his mouth to warn them of obstacles, “Avoid the flowers,” He says, pointing to one of the numerous white flowers dotting the ground, “They tunnel into the ground. It is like stepping in a hole.”

Jay immediately steps in one and face plants, but he’s fine.

Nya start to notice that the plants they’re trekking through for this leg of the journey are strange, even for the Realm of Madness. Everything is coated in a thick waxy film and all of it is shaped like funnels or cups. Tall purple speckled plants with tube protrusions, green vase-like plants that grow as tall as her waist, huge pink and purple trees with tops like a sea anemone- and the plants she noticed that aren’t cup shaped have a sponge-like texture. Everything here is geared towards catching rain.

She looks inside one of the purple plant tubes and sees a small puddle at the very bottom, feeding into the stem. Raising her hand, she shoves at the liquid- but it doesn’t move.

“Birdy, what’s up with the water here?” She asks, pulling her hand away.

“It’s not water.” He answers stiffly, but she doesn’t think the discomfort is because of her. She’d noticed how still he’d seemed as they traveled deeper into the forest. There was something about this place that rattled him, “It’s acid.”

“ACID?” Jay squawks.

“It rains acid here,” Birdy says apologetically, “But we should be safe. It is the dry season.”

“I thought you said nothing was guaranteed in this place?”

“We need to move quickly.” He says bluntly.

As they hurry through the forest, Nya keeps an eye out for any potential dangers. That snake spider in the white forest had snuck up on them. She wasn’t keen on being surprised again. Because she’s looking towards the trees, she doesn’t notice everyone’s come to a stop until she runs into Cole.

“Oof-” She stumbles back, “Sorry- what happened? Why are we stopping?”

“I apologize.” Birdy says, emotionally flat where he’s standing in front of a large purple tree, “I was simply making sure we were on the right track.” When he starts moving again, he takes a wide step over something. As the others begin to move, Nya sees that the thing Birdy had stopped at and stepped over was a oblong dark spot on the grass. She’d seen a few of them before, scattered around the forest. She steps over it too but doesn’t ask about it. Birdy's voice had taken on that tone that comes when he’s not feeling like himself.

She blinks, surprised at herself for knowing that.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, then we should stop and take a break.” Kai says, pausing in the middle of that clearing underneath the tree's arching canopy, “We can keep going once you’ve got your head on straight.” he crosses his arms, planting himself firmly.

Birdy shakes his head, “I remember the way now. We should cover as much ground as possible today.” he says, voice toneless and disconnected. His body language is empty too, his shoulder slumped and his hands loose around his staff.

“I mean… we haven't had lunch.” Cole points out with a wry smile, “A quick snack break couldn’t hurt.”

“Do we have food? Or will we need to forage.” Nya asks.

“We have food. Cole hooked us up.” Jay says, slinging his backpack off and opening the top.

“I got Ila to make us some stuff for the road after… our talk.” He frowns, rubbing his chin, “I’m kinda surprised she did, actually… considering how they were plotting against us.”

“The food is safe. Ila is different from Samira.” He reassures them. There’s a thick pause. He hasn’t moved from the edge of the clearing, “We shouldn’t stop here.”

“Why? It’s the dry season, isn’t it?” Kai responds dryly, waving away a sandwich Jay offers him.

There’s a pause before Birdy stiffly sits down. “Alright.” He says blankly before he crosses his legs and gets into a classic meditation pose.

“You like to meditate?” Lloyd tilts his head.

“Sometimes.” Birdy doesn’t offer any additional information, and the group goes quiet as they eat and rest.

“So what’s the game plan when we get home? I mean, we don’t know anything about... Anything.” Nya turns to Lloyd.

He pauses mid-bite and frowns, “Well… we need to meet with Pix first and foremost. There’s no way she hasn’t been gathering intel in the time we’ve been gone. Mom might know something about that gauntlet and who might have gone after it, so we could go to the dig she’s on and ask her.”

“If we do that we gotta stop at home so I can get my gameboy.” Jay says immediately, “Do you know how long it’s been since I haven't played video games? I’m going through serious withdrawal here!”

Kai shoots him a withering stare that Jay is completely oblivious to.

“Well, as long as you don’t go pretending a piece of wood is a gameboy, then I’m not too worried about you.” Cole comments wryly.

“Oh, don’t tempt me. I have a whimsical imagination.”

“You like to play video games?” Birdy asks quietly.

“Yeah! There’s this game called Prime Empire, that’s the one I’m really into right now.”

“We were all really into it when it first came out.” Lloyd snickers, alluding to an inside joke Birdy’s not a part of.

“We were sucked into the game.” Cole explains even though Birdy hadn’t mentioned his confusion, “Jay saved us. It was a whole thing.”

“...You have had a lot of adventures.” there’s a pause as Birdy tries to think of what to say, “I would like to hear more about them.”

Lloyd hums, “Well, other than a few small fight here and there, and the current situation we’re in, the last big ordeal we had to take care of was The Mechanic and Fugi-doves team up.”

“The Mechanic cyborg-ed him.”

“Badly.” Nya adds darkly, “I could have done so much better.”

"Don't get any ideas." Cole ribs, nudging her playfully with his elbow.

Jay nods, “Yeah, he botched it up pretty bad. Fugi used to be a nothing villain, like, petty things. Now that he’s all…” Jay waves his hands in the approximation of gears turning, “Scary looking, he’s got actual minions.”

“I turned into the ocean.” Nya informs him, “But I got better.”

“Before that was Shintaro. We were invited by the princess for her birthday.” Lloyd continues.

“Queen Vania now. She’s cool, I think you’d like her.” Cole smiles.

“Her dad, the king, ended up being this evil warlock. His best friend was a floating skull.”

“Interesting…”

“I think you’d like him more than Vania,” Kai mutters, “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Lloyd graciously doesn’t acknowledge Kai, “Prime empire was before that, and then there was…” He stops. The air grows thick. “Let’s not talk about that one.” He murmurs.

“...What kind of game is it?”

Jay perks up, “Let me just tell you the story!” He launches immediately into an animated recap. The others interject every now and again to add their perspective and to correct Jays embellishments. “-And that’s how I lost my eye!” He says, pointing at the patch. Cole takes over after that, talking about princess Vania and the caves beneath Shintaro. The conversation devolves into one long timeline of their most recent life-or-death situations that Birdy listens to intently. He stops them with the occasional question, but otherwise is quiet while they recount it all.

So it’s a surprise when he interrupts Nya’s explanation of the Mechanics plot by leaping to his feet and taking a confrontational step towards Kai, “What are you doing with that?” He demands.

Kai jumps, surprised. He’d been leaning against the tree mindlessly checking his pockets for something to fiddle with- he looks down and realizes he’d fished out the painkiller Samira had given him and was rolling it between his fingers absently. “I’m playing with it.” He says with a raised eyebrow.

“That is not a toy.” Birdy bites out. Maybe he wouldn’t be so aggressive in any other environment, but this place put him on edge in the worst kind of way.

“I know that.” Kai shoots back sharply, standing to his full height, “What’s your problem?”

“Give it to me.” Birdy orders, holding his hand out, “I am not going to watch anyone else die here.”

“It’s not poison!” He clenches the pill in his fist, “It’s a painkiller for FSM’s sake.”

“It is engineered to be horribly addictive.” Birdy stresses, stepping up to Kai, “The withdrawals for that could kill you-”

“I've been managing my alcohol withdrawal just fine, thanks, I'm sure this wouldn't be any worse.” He snaps, shoving the pill back in his pocket.

Birdy jerks as if struck, “You are so dependent on alcohol you would die from it?”

“Stop talking to me.” Kai turns his back on him bitterly.

The air is fraught with tension, the energy pulled so taut it was only a matter of time before something snapped.

Birdy opens his mouth, “Do you think your friend sacrificed his life so you could ruin yours?”

CRACK-!

It all happens so fast Nya can barely keep up. Kai’s fist connects with Birdy's mask so hard he goes sprawling in the dirt. He stumbles back, slamming into a tree and slumping down at the base of it. He’s got one hand holding his mask in place reflexively, looking up at Kai in shock.

“You-” He snarls, body a pillar of fire as he towers over Birdy, “You do not get to speak about him! You are not even a fraction of the man he was! He may have been a robot, but he was more human than you will ever be!”

Cole gets in front of Kai and pushes him back. He keeps his hands on Kai’s chest to stop him from advancing on Birdy again, “Kai, stop!”

From his place on the ground, Birdy reaches a hand under his mask to wipe at his face. His fingers come back stained dark with blood, nearly black in the strange lighting of the realm. He looks up at Kai and his hand tightens around his staff dangerously.

“What are you going to do? Are you going to hurt me?” Kai spits, leaning to glare at him over Cole's frame, “Just like you hurt Farley? Fine then, go ahead! I can take you!”

Birdy looks down at his hand like it’s not attached to him. He throws the staff on the ground as if it’s burned him and shakes his head hard to clear his vision. He hasn’t said a word, mute in shock. He stumbles to his feet but he has to use a tree to catch himself, leaning on it to keep his feet under himself.

“I’m the master of fire! You don’t scare me!”

Birdy is shaking all over, hand trembling where he has it pressed against the strange tree. His chest is rising and falling rapidly and he has all his focus on Kai.

He turns and vanishes into the woods.

“Birdy!” Lloyd takes a step after him but aborts the mission, whipping around to Kai, “You two stay here with Kai and maybe knock some sense into him.” He points at Cole and Jay before turning to Nya, “Nya, come with me.” She has to scramble to keep up as Lloyd darts after Birdy, but it’s not long before Lloyd stutters to a stop.

He lets out a low growl in frustration, “I don’t know where he went.” He scrubs at his face roughly.

She places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, “Just take a deep breath, Lloyd.”

“Everything fell apart so quickly.”

“I know.” She swallows roughly and looks away. She doesn’t have the words to make this okay. If they can’t find Birdy, if they can’t convince him to come back… they’ll be lost in the middle of nowhere in a realm that wants so so badly to kill them. Her eyes flick over the ground right to a footprint is half hidden by the leaves of a bright red shrub.

“Look!” She points to it, hoping a solid lead will cheer Lloyd up, “He went this way!”

They cautiously start to track Birdy, being extra careful not to miss any indicators where he ran off to. Finally, they come upon another small clearing. Another large, alien looking tree stretches up above them, the trunk of the tree is a deep blue and there are several bulbs along it where the wood splits to reveal huge chunks of a pale blue spongey growth. On the other side of the tree, Birdy’s foot sticks out from where he’s sitting in the dirt under the shade.

“Birdy!”

And right next to his foot is his mask.

Lloyd stops in his tracks the moment he sees it. “Are you okay?” He asks, staying out of sight of Birdy's face.

A gloves hand reaches out and takes the mask, slipping it on with his body still mostly hidden, “I am alright.” He stands up then and comes around the tree to face them, face once again firmly hidden. He’s holding a water bottle in one hand, using it to rinse the stain off his gloves. Well, he’s trying to.

“Here,” Nya says, stepping forward, “Let me.”

She swirls water around his hands and uses it to sweep the dark blood off the fabric. While she works, Birdy speaks, “I apologize if I worried you. I was always intending to return, I just needed a moment to… attend to my injuries.” He finishes awkwardly. “I was not going to leave you stranded.”

“Birdy, I didn’t come after you because you’re our guide.” Lloyd says, “I came because I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Speak for yourself, Nya thinks. Well, that’s not entirely fair- she did think that Birdy wasn’t the villain he made himself out to be, and she trusted him to a degree. She wouldn't call them friends, but she didn't want to see him hurt either. Maybe her decision to follow Lloyd was almost entirely based on selfish reasons, but she had also been alarmed by Kai’s punch, worried about the brutality of how the hit had landed. Kai could knock out an opponent's teeth with a weak swing- there was a lot of damage to be done with a sucker punch like that.

“He isn’t like that, really.” She finds herself saying quietly as she draws out the last of the blood in Birdy's gloves, “He didn’t used to be, at least. He was more levelheaded than me before… Before we lost Zane.”

Birdy stays quiet.

Nya keeps going, “He took it the hardest out of us all, I think. He feels a lot of guilt. He lost his elemental abilities right before it happened, y’know? So I think he blames himself.” she moves water over his gloves absently. The blood is gone, but she can’t look up to meet his eyes, “And yeah, Zane was special to all of us, but he did something else for Kai. Kept him balanced, maybe. He got lost after Zane died. He trained until he collapsed, he spent hours patrolling the city, he kept busy because then he could dull the pain. And when he had to stop moving, he drank.”

“Grief does funny things to us all.” Lloyd says softly.

“You’re right. Zane wouldn’t have wanted this for him, and Kai knows that, but you were wrong to speak on his behalf. He’s gone, and none of us want to hear a stranger put words in his mouth.” She lets the water drop, splashing to the ground.

A long moment passes quietly, “I apologize. It was not my intention to disrespect your friend.” It’s his turn to drop his gaze to the ground.

“C’mon,” Lloyd says softly, “I think the others will want to hear that too.”

When they get back to the others, the air is tense. Kai is leaning against a tree attempting to wrap a bandage around his bloody knuckles. Jay is hovering at his elbow and Cole is standing off to the side, not looking at either of them.

Kai notices them first, but cuts his eyes away and pointedly ignores the trio rejoining their group.

“It was wrong of me to bring up your friend.” Birdy says before stepping any closer, “I reacted so strongly because I was afraid for you, Kai. Those pills are designed for control. Samira supplies the people of this realm and then twists their addiction against them.”

“I don’t need your worry.” Kai says, but it’s lost some of the bite it had before.

Hesitantly, Birdy approaches Kai. Slowly, with enough time for Kai to draw away, and with more than a bit of caution to stay out of easy access of another swing, Birdy cups Kai’s injured palm. He takes the bandages next, moving to wrap his hand, “There is not a switch I can flip to turn it off.” Birdy says wryly, carefully winding the gauze around Kai’s hand, “I am sorry for what I said.”

Kai just stares at him.

“...You may not trust me, but I trust you.” He continues, finishing up dressing his knuckles, “I believe you would have made the correct choice.”

Something shifts in Kai. his features soften and he pulls his hand away gently- his guard is still up, but there’s a change in his heart, “Y’know, you’ve got a hell of an iron jaw.” he tries for a joke, but it falls flat. Then, “Why are you doing all this? After everything you’ve done, why have a change of heart now?” He asks, search for an understanding. He didn't get Birdy. Maybe that was part of his aggression- he didn't understand how a warlord like him could just... suddenly decide to be a good person. There had to be a catch.

Birdy looks away, ruminating over his thoughts and looking for the best way to put it all into words, “I am trying to make up for the pain I have caused. I regret the things I have done. I wish I had never stepped foot in that throne room- I have been stuck in the dark ever since, plagued by the mistakes of my past... but I have a choice, now. Even in the darkness, I can choose to reflect the light.”

Kai freezes, looking at Birdy with wide eyes. He opens his mouth, but there’s a crash through the underbrush that interrupts him.

A massive two-legged beast blasts into the clearing with a series of loud clicks, hissing at the group gathered there. On top of the animal, on a makeshift saddle with a pair of leather reins in her hand- is Morrigan.

“I found you~!” She sing-songs.

Her steed shakes its head hard, obviously agitated by the bit shoved in its beak. It’s a massive thing with a set of wings to match, and it’s body was a patchwork of soft brown feathers and iridescent scales. Large slits flutter around the base of its throat as it breathes in, scenting the air. It’s feet are distinctly bird-like, with claws like a raptor and rough textured skin. It isn't happy about its predicament as a faithful show pony, flicking it’s head and flapping its wings in rage.

“You disrespected me, lover! I told you- either you gave me those flowers or something very bad was going to happen.” She flips her brown hair over her shoulder with a flourish, grinning down at the group with shark teeth, “I’ve come to collect, darling.”

“We don’t have the flowers any more!” Lloyd argues.

“Oh, I know that, little boy.” She giggles, “I’m here to do something very bad!”

With that, she shoves her finger out towards them and commands the vulture-bat beneath her, “Sick ‘em, boy!”

With that, the beast roars- and its small beak splits in half, its face opening up in four pieces to reveal a garbage disposal of razor sharp, serrated teeth stained with old blood. Its dark purple tongue flicks out before it crashes forward with the intent to kill. Despite its massive size, the thing is fast. It is upon them before they can think, and it’s only the speed of a ninja that saves their bones from snapping in those jaws.

“What is that?” Jay squawks in unison with the bird, who charges at him.

“A vulture-bat!” Birdy says as he leaps for his staff, fear bleeding into his voice, “Keep your eyes on it! It is quicker than you think!”

“Ew.” Nya says with a nervous laugh, mostly to herself. The bird is horrifying in it’s awkwardness- it’s bones seem too big for it’s body, the tautness of it’s skin revealing the spaces between feathers and scales. Little peeks of pink flesh that’s stretched so thin the blood vessels underneath are clearly visible. It moves unnaturally too, it’s body too long for it’s legs. Every other step it’s chest slams to the ground and bounces back up like he’s compensating for a missing limb. When it roars, foul smelling spittle flies everywhere.

Then she sees it. A long, thin appendage coming out from it’s tail feathers.

It whips it’s body around and her only warning is the high pitched whistle that comes from a deadly strike. She ducks, and the tree behind her explodes.

It’s like razor-wire, thin enough to decapitate any animal that comes it’s way, yet sturdy enough to nearly halve the trunk without even the hint of structural weakness.

Morrigan pulls on its reins so she can look at her targets, “Y’know why I haven’t killed anyone, Birdy? Because everyone does as they are told and gives me what I want.” There’s a manic shine in her eye, “Now you’ll see what happens when you disobey.”

She pulls out a knife and stabs the vulture-bat in it’s haunches. It roars in rage and shakes itself hard, trying to dislodge her, and when that doesn’t work it dives forward with the intent on killing anything around it. It’s pain needed to go somewhere.

Cole brings up a wall of earth high enough to trip the beast and it crashes to the ground, it’s claws scrabble for a moment and it’s back on it’s feet in almost no time. Kai throws a ball of fire in an attempt to scare it, but the singed feathers only seem to enrage it further. It’s mostly a game of cat and mouse with the ninja just barely dodging teeth and claws and a razor tail.

Nya knows they can’t dodge forever.

Birdy dives under the razor-wire that nearly takes his head before he pops up at the beasts underbelly. He’s almost trampled before he managed to grab hold of a patch of feathers and haul himself up onto the animals back. He’d only done all of that to get out of harms way, but now that he was nearly face to face with Morrigan, he had no idea what to do. He brandishes his staff anyway, trying to find his footing on the rampaging beast.

Morrigan stands up, hands still wound up in the reins to keep her balance and she brandishes her sword, “You think you're the only one with a thirst for blood, don't you? You think you're the only one with the guts to slaughter someone!” She snarls with a sadistic smile, “You have no idea what I'm capable of when I don't get my way.” She yanks the reins to one side and the animal veers sharply, whole body tipping and turning. Birdy crashes sideways off his feet and is nearly flung from the beasts back before he can catch it’s tail feathers in one hand.

Nya flicks her wrist and calls a ball of water to her. She throws it as hard as she can, watching it soar through the air and slap into Morrigan. What’s most important is how the water drowns the leather and the scales on the monsters back.

The beast turns toward Nya sharply at the attack, and Morrigan can’t keep her footing on the slick saddle.

One foot slips from under her and she can't catch herself. She tumbles down the beasts shoulder, but before she can hit the ground her body yanks to a painful stop. The reins are still wrapped around her wrist, leaving her dangling at the monsters chest. The bird slams sideways into a tree because of how hard Morrigan yanks on the reins in her fall, narrowly avoiding bashing her to paste. There’s genuine panic on her face as she swings her sword up, trying to slice through the reins so she can survive this encounter.

Birdy crawls up the bird to it’s neck. He nearly throws himself off it when he lunges for Morrigan, holding his hand out for her to take, “Let me help you!” He shouts, voice nearly lost among the vulture-bats cries.

She would have to drop her sword. She looks at him for a long moment before her face twists in hatred. With a mighty heave, she swings the sword at Birdy, aiming for a killing blow. He yanks his hand back and she misses, the sword cutting into the vulture-bat’s shoulder.

It rears back in pain and Birdy goes flying off, rolling to a stop in the dirt.

Morrigan is thrown backward and shaken around as the vulture-bat reacts to the sharp sting. It spots her as she’s thrown to the side, it’s large black eye focusing on her. It understands immediately. With a sharp turn, It whips its head around so she goes flying in a wide arc- right in front of its mouth.

It’s face splits in four. It lunges forward.

The crunch of shattering bones makes Nya feel sick. Blood splatters across the clearing as the bird shakes its head like a dog with a toy, other… debris raining down from its jowls. She didn’t even have time to scream. That must have been a mercy.

The blood pooling on the ground seems to be eagerly absorbed by the ground, leaving swathes of darker spots on the grass.

Nya can see its throat spasm as it swallows what's left of her.

Everything is quiet. The beast’s gills flutter again.

Birdy grabs her arm, snapping out of her trance. “Go!” He orders urgently and quietly.

She turns and runs. She can see Jay ahead of her, and she focuses on not losing him and nothing else. She doesn’t flinch when the vulture-bat roars behind her, and she doesn’t stumble when the earth shakes as it chases after them.

“It’s gaming on us!” Lloyd shouts from somewhere behind her.

“We have to fight!” Cole confirms.

They break out of the forest into muddy earth, the thickness of it sucking at Nya's feet as she tries to run. There are no trees out here in the wastelands- well, no trees big enough to hide behind. The spindly little black plants will do nothing for them now.

She turns around right as the bird explodes from the forest, a looming monster taking up all her vision. Her heart leaps up to her throat. It doesn’t hesitate, covering the land in three long strides before it’s upon them again.

Cole tries to use earth, but the mud is too soft to even slow the beast down. Jay flings lightning but the bird is fast, dodging that and Kai’s fireballs alike. Lloyd hits it heavily on the side with a ball of green energy, and the beast roars in rage as it turns on him. There’s more fighting- fighting is too generous for what they’re doing. Surviving, maybe. Just barely. It’s so angry that any real damage to it just pisses it off even more, too much adrenaline in it’s system to feel any of it.

It bites dangerously close to Cole, whipping it’s long tail back with deadly intent-

SNAP

The tail slams into Birdy's side- hard. It’s enough force to throw him back until he’s tumbling in the mud, coming to a stop on his back.

Black blood streaks across the wet earth.

His whole left side is torn open.

Nya is moving before she can think, “Keep it distracted!” She orders, flying across the mud. She slams down on her knees at Birdy's side, trying to assess the damage- did they pack enough bandages? How bad is it that he most definitely got realm of madness mud all inside his wound?

He has a hand pressed against his side. His glove is soaked through with blood. He makes no attempt to move, “Nya.” he says quietly.

“You’re gonna be fine.” She reassures him immediately, “Just lay still.” She tries to pry his hand away from his side, but he won’t move it.

“Nya, it is too late.” His voice is resigned. She feels like his voice is always resigned, always ready to die, “I need you to listen to me. Please.”

She shakes her head, “Just move your hand. I have medical training, I can help you.”

He acts as if he didn’t even hear her, “You have to go north-east from here. Towards where the sun rises- if you see a tree split in half by a lightning strike, you are going in the right direction.”

“Birdy, move your hand! You’re going to bleed out if you don’t let me stop the flow!”

“Keep walking past that split tree. You’ll see four big mountains in front of you-”

“What are you talking about?” She snaps, stressed and desperate.

“I’m telling you how to get to the mountain of madness.” He says soberly.

She looks at him in disbelief, “Take us there yourself!” She snaps. She pulls on his hand and he lets her, too weak to fight her anymore.

Underneath his torn blue tunic, past the dingy white robes underneath, is glimmering silver skin and a tangled mess of torn wires and gutted tubing. Nya’s brain stalls.

“Nya.” She jerks as if she’s been struck. Everything else vanishes to background noise. That’s not Birdy's voice. It’s softer, higher-pitched. It’s the sound of snowfall and red tailed hawks and fresh baked cookies. It’s the sound of home.

She slowly looks up at him, at that stupid stupid mask. Her eyes are blurry with tears.

“Zane?”

“Watch out!” Jay screams, the sound of the fight behind them blaring reality back into her ears.

She turns around and the beast is upon them. She’s too rattled to think straight-

Zane bursts forward spilling oil and transmission fluid all over the mud. He shoves Nya back, behind himself as he pushes his hand forward in a desperate attempt to change the way this fight ends. A giant pillar of ice shoots out of the mud in front of him and brutally slams into the Vulture-bats chest. Ice spreads at the point of contact, frost swirling up its skin in painful cracks. The beast squawks in startled pain, jerking away from the two before it finally decides the fight isn’t worth it. It flaps it’s massive wings in a panic, scrambling away from the ice and taking flight. It flys like a bat out of hell, it’s ground speed nothing compared to how quickly it takes off towards the horizon.

Zane's knees buckle, and he crashes into the mud and doesn’t move again.

[rainofthetwilight]

We already saw lloyd's POV its only fair if i give Arin's aswell (granted sadly i can't write arin as well as lloyd apologies)

You wanna know who'll feel mocked for getting pulled punches? You wanna know who'll feel the PITY thats dripping from everyone around him? Who feel inferior with everyone else? Who just wants to be good enough but was blindsided by the power? Who was promised greatness but never could achieve it?

The gong was really loud.

There was so many things happening at the same time. But around the chaos there was you.

I could never mistaken you, your green was very distinct and i always had my eyes on you (you're always my favorite)

You never hurt me.. and parts of me didn't want to hurt you

Because you're my mentor and i'm your student, because no matter how hard i try i'll always admire you

Because you're my hero my idol and I'm....

I saw how happy you all were when Kai came back, it was pretty awesome. Its good to have someone competent back huh.

The gong ringing causes vibrations to my body, something shattered ever so slowly inside of me

Its terrifying. But amazing

Sora tried to stop me; talk me down. She doesn't understand, she never could understand.. i miss he- I hate her for it

I don't know if you knew but i was avoiding you, not for any particular reason.. i was just.. scared (but it seems you were scared too.. i think)

But somehow, like always the bad guy must be stopped by the green ninja. So of course we were fighting now

I know your every move tho (you're my favorite) and you taught me yourself your own techniques. But i could never hit you, its annoying. Did you not teach me everything?

You never hurt me.. and parts of me hates you for it (that doesn't seem righ-)

I know how capable you are, yet you're not even trying. Stop pulling your punches, i don't need your pity, i don't need that.. hurt.. pained look.. on your eyes (stop looking at me like that)

The gong was louder and it clouded my head, my judgment, my emotions.

You never hurt me

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you

I hate who you are, i hate how easily this all comes to you, i hate how you don't even have to try. I hate how your destiny's favorite, i hate how your the green ninja (my favorite), i hate how important and powerful.. and.. and how you're always good enough for this world

I don't know when i started yelling it, but i did know i started feeling the burns in my eyes, it made me sloppy. I blinked to clear it away

And i was able to see you.. i saw you kept quiet (you're disappointed in me aren't you?)

And some parts of me break.. because i loath you even more, but at the same time..

You never hurt me

There was yelling in the distance, but i wasn't paying attention to it anymore

The ringing was gone but i.. i don't know whats happening

You stopped fighting (why?), something screamed at me that this was my chance, chance of what?

To prove myself of course (prove what?)

I hit you, i actually hurt you and i didn't stop there. But you did nothing

You never hurt me

.

.

.

You held me

And i hit you for it

Because something was screeching inside, but.. it was getting quieter

And then you.. you spoke

"You know.. sometimes your mind plays tricks on you, it can tell you you're not good. That its all hopeless, that no matter how hard you try you'll always fail. Its cruel."

"But i've discovered.. you are loved and important, and you bring to this world no else can.."

I was crying (and i was hitting you for it)

"I love you, Sora loves you, your parents loves you and they still do. They would be so proud of you, because I'M proud of you.. you wanna know why?"

I stopped hitting you

"Because you're kind and so so brave, and I'm so sorry for making you believe you were not good enough" (why are you apologizing..)

There was so many shouting and ringing and.. and everything was happening too fast.. too much

There was so many things happening... and yet you never hurt me

WHY DID YOU NEVER HURT ME?!

"There was no reason to"

And for a moment that fueled my anger.. (you saw so little of me that you didn't even bother to-) but it was quickly extinguished as your words registered to me

And suddenly everything was silent in my head (the ringing was gone).. i looked at you; and horror consumed me.. guilt was eating me alive

You didn't held me anymore but thats ok, i'll held us both.. I- I'm sorry

But you just smiled and forgave me.. why? I kept apologizing but you just looked so.. peaceful.. so relieved

I heard shouting. It was emotional. It was loud

It was Kai (and fear consumed me)

I looked at you as the shout grew near, apology still flowing but you.. you weren't responding anymore

I held you close

You never hurt me

.

.

You never hurt-

"LLOYD-"

SHSKKEJFNWKFMWJDNSNDJSNDNSNFJQJDJZJS OH MY GOD. OHHH MY GOD AGSHDJSKSJ

DJDNFBSJFJSJANEJENAJJSJAJA TUMBLR USER MAIPRIM DEVASTATES US ONCE AGAIN AGHDJFJFDJJSJDDJSJJED

UGHJFJFNGNEKFNJSN DUDE...DUDEEE.

ARIN WANTING TO HURT LLOYD, YET PARTS OF HIM INSIDE TELLING HIM NOT TO IS JUST....AGSHDHSJJEJFND

AND SORA TRYING TO TALK HIM DOWN...HE HATES HER, HE RESENTS HER..BUT DEEP DOWN, HE MISSES HER SO MUCH AND JUST WANTS HER BACK AAAASAJDJSHEKSKFNSMRK2IDHSN

AGHHSHSHSHSH THE JEALOUSY EATING ARIN UP...THE WAY HE'S SO SPITEFUL WHEN HE ACKNOWLEDGES LLOYD'S 'GREATNESS'....UFHDNTNNFMSMF DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT...AND HOW HE COULDN'T HELP BUT CRY WHEN SHOUTING HOW HE HATES HIM AAGHDHDHHFJFJDJDK

HE'S JUST SO CONFUSED TO WHY LLOYD DIDN'T HURT HIM EVEN AFTER ALL HE'S DONE...OH MY GOD SHDHEKJFJWKKFMFKS

LLOYD'S WORDS TO HIM...DAMN IT SAMN IT DAMN IT UVDHJSJFNDNNSNANSNSNFNN I AM IN SHAMBLES.....THE GUILT ARIN FELT AFTER HURTING HIM SO MUCH, AFTER DOING ALL OF THAT....UGHDJDKEKFNDDNSNSMMW I AM NOT OKAY

THIS IS TOO GOOD UGHDJEJKRNFNMDMDMDMS SCREAMING DUHDDBDJSN

ROTATING THIS AROUND MY HEAD FOREVER UHDJSNFNAMMDXMSMDMDMDMDMSM ARIN ANGST OUGH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH

[destinysbounty]

Lloyd: The Oni are incapable of caring. All they do is destroy >:(

Me:

Listen. I know Lloyd was going through some heavy internalized self-loathing in regards to his Oni side, and his dad being part Oni as well, and all that fun stuff. But Mystake is RIGHT THERE. She didn't die to be disrespected like this

[youredreamingofroo]

Jordynn Sienna Norman-Lloyd

35 years old, DOB: 13/09/1988 Roo's eldest sister. Better known as Jordy or Jory Jordynn and Harvey [Roo] are the only two kids born under Reese and Virginia

"She's kind-hearted, and Jory's always had maternal instincts, she cares about every like they're her kid. My mother often loathed her, Jory managed to stay positive even after my father died, and mom wanted nothing to do with us, so at 7 years old, she [Jory] took care of me." - Roo

Jordynn has a reputation for being remarkably kind, nothing can shatter her kindness, she's like a brick wall, that can only spout words of affirmations, however, she has moments where she isn't kind, and that's only in times where someone needs to be disciplined or put into their place, typical Mom behavior. She's been married to a man named Sean Lloyd (37) for 6 years, having been with him for a total of 15 years, from Highschool sweethearts, to Lifelong lovers, bound together til they lay to rest. Jordynn's also got two kids, her oldest child, Evan Kian Lloyd (5) and her youngest child, Josey Mia Lloyd (1), She loves Evan and Josey to bits and would do just about anything for her kids. Keeping them well-disciplined, she hopes that her children can grow up just as well and happy as she did, and she'll definitely be the Mother asking her kids "when are you going to have grandkids!"

[jobean12-blog]

Angel and Demons (Boyfriend part 2)

Pairing: Ari Levinson x reader, Lloyd Hansen x reader, Ransom Drysdale x reader 

Word Count: 2,978

Summary: Lloyd finally makes his move to get what he always thought should be his. 

Author’s Note: I had to get this out because it was bouncing around my head for almost two weeks! I want to thank my loves @maladaptivexxdaydreaming and @maskedmistress87 for talking me through this and helping me to come up with a solid idea! Hope you all enjoy and thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by my sweet Daisy @firefly-graphics thank you love! 🥰 

You can read the first part HERE it’s not necessary but may help explain a little :)

Warnings: kidnapping, light violence and threats, being tied up (but not in the fun way), cursing, mentions of implied dub/non con, smut- and all of it consenual, fingering, p in v (18 + ONLY PLEASE!!!)

Your clothes are cold and sticking to your skin, the material still soaked through from the rain. Hot tears roll down your cheeks and your wrists and ankles ache from the tight pull of the rope around them. You tug nonetheless, summoning every last ounce of strength and struggling against every bind.

With a muffled cry you jerk your body forward, testing how far you can move in this position. It’s not much but maybe if you can get yourself to something sharp…

The chair is suddenly jerked backward and your body snaps with the force, your delicate skin chaffing from the ropes. A sob racks your body and you hang your head.

“Aw what’s the matter princess? Trying to find a way to escape?”

Ransom’s fingers grab your chin and jerk your face upward. You squeeze your eyes shut and curse him.

“What was that princess?” he asks, tapping the soft fabric of your panties that sits between your lips. “I couldn’t quite make that out?”

His finger slides across your jaw and down your neck, grazing between your breasts before his hand rests on your thigh. You press your legs together, loath to allow him to touch you anymore.

“This really isn’t the way I wanted to have you tied and bound with your panties stuffed in your mouth sweetheart,” he tsks. “But since you wouldn’t come willingly…”

You silently curse yourself, your stomach twisting when you think of how naïve you were to think that helping a stranger with a broken-down car on the side of the road was a good idea. But it was Ransom’s grandfather that had softened your heart. The poor man looked sickly and when Ransom said he needed a ride home to get his grandfather’s medication, you couldn’t say no.

Ari. He was going to be so mad at you…if you lived to ever see him again. The thought brings a new wave of tears but Ransom’s harsh touch drags you out of your sadness.

Ransom shoves his hand between your legs and you let out a stifled scream, pushing off the floor with your feet and sending your chair careening backward. You land on the floor with a loud thud and cry harder.

“I thought I told you I wanted her untouched Drysdale?”

From your position on the floor, you couldn’t see the new person that entered the room but you recognized that voice. It made your head pound harder and when that familiar trash stache came into view you whimpered, more tears rolling down your face.

“Oh sunshine,” Lloyd shushes as he pulls your chair upright and brushes you off. “I’m so sorry.”

He pulls your panties from your mouth and stuffs them into his pants pocket, softly wiping your chin and lips. You jerk away from his touch and hear Ransom scoff from behind him.

Lloyd quickly turns around and gets in Ransom’s face.

“You better watch your step Drysdale. You’re in more trouble than me. Technically you’re the one who kidnapped Levinson’s wife.”

Lloyd smirks when Ransom backs away and his neck strains with the hard swallow he makes.

“Can I get you a drink sunshine?” Lloyd asks as he saunters to the bar. “If I remember correctly it’s whiskey sours that you like best, isn’t it?”

Your eyes go wide and Lloyd laughs.

“Don’t think I pay attention huh?” Lloyd sings.

He pours himself a drink and makes you a whiskey sour, walking back over and holding it up to your mouth. You clamp it shut and grimace when he leans in close to your face.

“I pay attention…to everything,” he whispers as he presses the glass to the seam of your lips. When you don’t open up he pushes harder and you cry out, finally opening your mouth to take a sip. You swallow and cough, not having had any water or food in hours.

“I should probably get you something to eat too,” Lloyd muses.

“I’ve got something she can choke on,” Ransom snickers.

Lloyd shoots him a warning glare before turning back to you and giving you a false saccharine smile.

“Don’t worry sunshine. The only cock you’re gonna get is mine,” Lloyd assures you with a kiss to your neck.

You can feel the bile rising in your throat and it takes every bit of your resolve to steal yourself and try to clear your head so you can formulate a plan. You have to think of something. With Ari away on his business trip you’re on your own and if anything happens to you he won’t forgive himself.

You take a calming breath and focus, discreetly scanning the room and trying to remember everything Ari taught you.

Unfortunately, anything of use to you is far out of reach and with both Lloyd and Ransom circling you like predators it would be impossible to go that route. But you could put your mouth to good use in another way…

“Lloyd,” you squeak out, audibly swallowing. “I…I need some water.”

You try to keep your tone docile and your voice quiet, lowering your lashes when Lloyd steps into your space.

He dips his head and waits until you lift your eyes to his.

“What was that sunshine?” he asks, lifting his brows expectantly.

“Please?” you whisper.

Lloyd’s grin widens. “Now that’s a good girl. You learn quick. Can’t wait until you’re begging for my cock. But, since you asked so nicely, water first.”

Doing your best to ignore his vile words you nod and give him a soft “thank you.”

Lloyd turns to Ransom and snaps his fingers. “Drysdale. Water for our princess. NOW!”

Ransom looks entirely offended and his head snaps back in shock.

“What the fuck Lloyd. You get her water,” Ransom spits out.

Lloyds hangs his head with a shake, his hands landing on his hips as he takes two long strides toward Ransom.

In a flash of silver Lloyd has a gun pointed at Ransom’s head.

“Do I need to ask again?” Lloyd growls.

Ransom’s eyes widen slightly but he sets his jaw in a hard line, his eyes narrowed as he backs toward the bar. He fills a glass with water and walks in your direction. Lloyd places a strong hand on Ransom’s chest and stops him in his tracks.

“Thanks,” Lloyd says as he plucks the glass from Ransom’s hand.

“Here you are beautiful,” Lloyd hums as he holds the glass to your lips.

You drink greedily, spilling some water down your chin and neck. Lloyd’s fingers follow the liquid, brushing it away before his hand closes around your throat.

He squeezes as he sneers, “don’t think I don’t know what you’re playing at sunshine. I’m not stupid. But don’t worry, willingly or not I’ll have what I want.”

He lets go of your throat and you suck in a gasping breath.

“You’re such a worthless piece of shit,” you spit out. “Why are you doing this?” you ask as more tears threaten to fall.

“There she is,” Lloyd beams. “I knew that sassy mouth couldn’t stay shut for long but I have plenty of ways to keep you quiet if you don’t behave,” Lloyd warns.

“What the fuck are we waiting for Lloyd?” Ransom asks as he paces the room. “And how are you so sure Levinson won’t find us?”

Lloyd chuckles. “You really are stupid, aren’t you Drysdale. I know what I’m doing.”

Ransom steps into Lloyd’s space. “You’re gonna get us both killed.”

Lloyd reflects on Ransom’s words, the room silent other than your rapid heartbeat and the rush of blood in your ears.

“Fine. Let’s move to the next location. And then…I’m taking what should have always been mine.”

Lloyd turns to you and winks.

The next few minutes go by in a blur. Ransom blindfolds you and unties you from the chair but doesn’t loosen the binds around your wrists or ankles. He throws you over his shoulder, giving your ass a good squeeze before he chimes, “come on princess, time to go home.”  

Your cry is muffled from the new material stuffed between your lips and you wiggle and writhe to try and break free of Ransom’s grasp.

It only makes him hold you tighter to his body, his hands firmly wrapped around your thighs.

“Save it sunshine,” Lloyd hums from beside you. “I want you to have some fight left in you for later.”

Ransom kicks the door open and you feel the cool night air on your skin, a shiver running through you from your still damp clothes.

The roar of a motorcycle fills the air and your heart soars. You feel Ransom stiffen and hear Lloyd curse. It takes all your self-control not to scream.

Unfortunately, your thrown from Ransom’s arms and the press of cold metal to your throat makes your breath catch.

“What did you think sunshine? I wouldn’t have a plan if he showed up?” Lloyd breathes against your ear as he pulls the blindfold from your eyes.

Lloyd has you pressed to his chest, his hips digging into your back as he pushes the blade into your throat.

You struggle but when you see Ransom lift the gun in his hand your body sags against Lloyd and you cry out for Ari, nothing more than a muffled wail coming from your lips.

His motorcycle screeches up the driveway and you see Ari’s hair blowing across his face as he nears. The gunshot goes off and you fall to the floor, taking Lloyd with you. You manage to kick your legs into him and slink a few feet away but Ransom grabs you and lifts you into his arms.

“Where do you think you’re going princess?” Ransom growls.

He drags you toward Ari’s fallen motorcycle and you start to fight and scream, unable to contain your emotions any longer. Your eyes are so tightly shut that it’s painful, your refusal to see Ari’s dead body overtaking all else.

“What the fu…?” Ransom mutters before he screams out in pain and falls to his knees.

You drop to the ground with him, frantically searching for an escape.

Strong arms wrap around your body and a familiar scent fills your nostrils, the smell of home.

You curl into Ari, your body shaking with your sobs. Ari pulls the gag free and kisses your lips over and over, his lashes wet with unshed tears. Your cry harder, wanting nothing more than you wrap yourself around him.

He shushes you softly, his thumb wiping across your cheek. He opens his mouth to speak but your eyes widen with terror and he instantly shields you and rolls out of the way. Both Lloyd and the knife fall hard to the ground and Lloyd crawls toward the knife, closing his fingers tightly around the hilt.

Ari takes the opportunity to throw himself on top of Lloyd but Lloyd lifts the knife and has it against Ari’s chest.

You scream and kick, straining against the binds in a hopeless effort.

“Ari,” you sob.

Ari grabs Lloyd’s wrist and you hear a cracking sound followed by Lloyd’s scream of pain as the knife clatters to the pavement.

Ari’s other hand closes around Lloyd’s throat.

“I should never have let you walk away from me Hansen,” Ari snarls. “But she asked me to. She asked me to give you second chance…because everyone deserves one.”

Ari looks over at you, at you bound and roughed up and his voice cracks.

“And I’ll do anything for her. Anything to make her happy,” Ari continues, his grip of Lloyd’s neck tightening.

“But you…you took her from me,” Ari says, his voice dangerous again. “You took what’s mine and you’re out of chances.”

Ari presses his knee into Lloyd’s chest, cutting off even more of his air supply.

The low groan of Ransom draws Ari’s attention away and he scoffs.

“And you used this pretentious low life piece of shit to lure her into your trap,” Ari seethes.

“How much did he pay you Ransom?” Ari asks. “Is it ever enough?”

Ransom curses and spits toward Ari. It makes Ari put more pressure on Lloyd’s neck and he gasps for air as he claws at Ari’s arm.

“I promised I would put you in the ground Lloyd. And now, it looks like you’ll have some company,” Ari growls.

Ari helps you up the steps and into the house, his arms a constant reminder of your safety. He kisses your cheeks, your neck, your lips. Every piece of skin he can find as he carries you up to the bathroom. He sets you down carefully, his hands trembling against your cheek.

“Angel,” he whispers, his eyes shining.

Your hand reaches up and you cradle his face. He nuzzles into your touch and his eyelashes flutter against his cheek.

“I’m here Ari. I’m ok,” you assure him.

“Let me take care of you,” he pleads, taking your hand in his.

He brings your knuckles to his lips and stares at you over them, kissing each one before pressing your hand to his heart.

You feel it’s steady beat and slip your hand under his open shirt to feel his warm skin. His forehead leans against yours and you breathe each other in for a few quiet moments. When Ari pulls away it’s only so he can begin to unbutton your shirt, his thick fingers fumbling with the small buttons.

“It’s ok,” you tell him over and over again, resting your hands over his and helping to undo them.

He pushes the fabric from your shoulders with a gentle touch, his eyes scanning every inch of your skin for injuries. When he drags your skirt down your legs and sees your bare skin he sucks in a breath and curses, falling to his knees.

“Angel no,” he cries. “Please tell me they never touched you. Never laid even a finger on you!”

Your fingers slide under his chin and you caress his beard as you lift his head and look into his eyes.

“They made threats, but they never did,” you promise him. “You saved me.”

He sags against your legs, wrapping his arms around them and pressing his face to your thighs. His soft whispers of thanks bring a new wave of tears to your eyes and you run your fingers through his long hair and soothingly scratch his scalp.

When he finally stands again, he reaches behind you and unclasps your bra, letting it float from your body and to the floor of the bathroom. His hands wander reverently over your naked skin, every pass of his fingers washing away the horror of the last few hours.

“I’m sorry Angel. I’ll never leave you again,” he says softly.

You shush him with the press of your lips and he pulls your body flush to his, unable to get you close enough.

“Let me clean you up,” he whispers against your lips.

You step back and take his hand as he helps you into the warm bath. You watch as he strips off his clothes, revealing the hard planes of muscle and the scars lining it. You can see several bruises that have already formed from his fall from the motorcycle and his skin is littered with dried blood.

You frown but when he drops his pants your lips start to turn up and for the first time you see Ari smile.

“What?” you ask, batting your lashes. “I missed my husband.”

His smile softens and he steps into the tub, sliding in behind you. His arms instantly wrap around your body and pull you closer. He takes the soap and squirts some onto his hand, lathering it up then pressing the soft bubbles to your back.

He massages your skin, working over your neck and shoulders before turning you in his arms. He slides his hands over your breasts, paying special attention to your peaked nipples before his hand moves down your stomach.

Your back arches and you lean into his touch, your legs spreading open over his lap. His hard cock settles between your thighs and you gently rock over him, your nails digging into his broad shoulders.

“Ari please,” you mewl, taking his thick wrist and shoving it lower.

His fingers tease your clit, rubbing small circles before he slips a finger inside you.

“God I missed this pussy angel. Thought about it every night I was away.”

You press yourself harder onto his hand and breathe out his name.

“Need more Ari,” you whimper.

His curse is muffled against your lips and when he pushes a second finger into you and you clench around him his teeth dig into your lip, his control waning.

“Please, please, please,” you chant, chasing your release.

When he pulls his fingers free his hand closes around your hip and he rocks you over his cock before lining you up and slowly pushing inside.

“Oh god, fuck,” he hisses, almost bruising your skin with his grip. “Angel, please.”

Your walls tighten with every pump of his hips and he buries his face in your neck, sucking and biting the soft flesh.

His cock throbs and you know he’s close, the feel of him stretching you open too good to stop you from tumbling over the edge. You cry out his name and grip his hair tightly between your fingers, tugging his lips to yours to swallow his moans.

When you both come down from the high you gently rock your hips, loving the feel of him inside you still.

“We made a mess,” you giggle, looking at the water covering the tiles of the bathroom.

Ari’s gentle touch brings your eyes back to his and his gaze is soft as a sweet smile plays upon his lips.

“I love you angel. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

@book-dragon-13 @christywantspizza @dreamlessinparis @hiddles-rose @goldylions @jhangelface0523 @loricamebackyetagain @lookiamtrying @loki-laufeyson-1054 @patzammit @rebel-stardust @weekendgothgirl @breakablebarnes @randomfandompenguin @seitmai @justile @nomadicpixel @nano--raptor​

[widevibratobitch]

Ok. Any "Terror" fic recommendations?

good lord YES countless really. idk what you're looking for specifically though.

i myself am a fitzier girlie first and foremost with some occasional fitzconte thrown in. i'll best direct you to my ao3 bookmarks, specifically to the tag i keep for my personal favourites, the crème de la crème of fics I've read and liked.

some examples under the cut.

i am a connoisseur of ✨fitzier hatesex✨ and there's surprisingly not that many of those compared to fics where they're all lovey-dovey with each other (which. dont get me wrong. i also enjoy from time to time). so i'll give you some that have truly stuck with me. it's mostly pwp sorry not sorry.

Some lovely perilous thing by cosmogram

“Oh,” James gasps, and really, it’s almost too easy. James ought to have some modicum of shame, ought to be able to master himself better than this—better than turning to a doe-eyed dissolute the second a man so much as breathes near his eager young cock. “Not here, Francis,” James pants out, voice already hitching high. “The great cabin, at the very least.”

“Here, I think,” Francis returns crisply. “On your knees.”

it's just so fucking good. very hot. i honestly don't know what else i could say about this, it's one of my personal favourites amongst personal favourites (along with the one i link next, from the same author).

Devotion by cosmogram

Francis does not seek him anymore, but neither—still worse—does Francis bother to dismiss him when James arrives of his own volition, each time with all the hope of the most wretched fool. “Oh, get to it, then,” Francis muttered with sublime disinterest that very day when James appeared in his cabin’s doorway. James had, in fact, come to talk—but he had not hesitated when Francis gestured dispassionately to the front of his trousers. He had dropped, wordlessly, to his knees to obey.

everyone give it up for erectile dysfunction! hip-hip hurray! the author sums it up well with the James Fitzjames’s Tragically Unmet Praise Kink tag. this one is a little more on the sad side, Francis is being a goddamn gremlin and James is at his most needy and pathetic. nothing hotter to me personally than sucking someone's limp dick and crying about it. i find myself thinking about this fic an ungodly amount. i love it so much. again, best of the best of the best.

nice dream by icicaille

Francis swirled the last dregs in his glass and peered into its depths. Some kind of grim satisfaction had come over him. “I’ll tell you what you want to hear,” he said. “For a certain price.” It was foolhardy beyond measure. Damning, even.

basically, Fitzjames gives Crozier a blowjob in exchange for Francis telling him some nice reassuring things he needs to hear so badly it makes him look stupid - malicious compliance from Francis of course with some nice internalised homophobia. James is, again, pathetic as all shit with a little twist at the end. no one is having a good time except for me of course.

hunger's vocabulary by icicaille

“Ah, Sir John.” Francis cleared his throat once the wardroom was near to empty. “May I borrow James? Regarding the Lloyd’s balance. We took readings that require further inspection. I’ll send him back in a gig—tonight if the weather holds, in the morning otherwise.”

chef's kiss. just two cunty cunts going at it (the dialogues are so good...) with a sprimkle of some angsty self-loathing Francis. what more could you ask for.

you are coming down with me by dazydaisy

Chapter one: “If I loved you I could perhaps fuck you as if I hated you, in order to please you, but, as you are surely aware by now Fitzjames, you and love are oil and water to me.”

Chapter two: ‘Maybe,’ James had begun to unlace the front of his trousers with a carelessness he had (shamefully) practiced, ‘if you loved yourself even a little you would be able to stop yourself from doing as I command. But, as I’m sure you know by now Francis, you and love are like oil and water. The two simply do not meet.’

*

Mum and dad are fighting again

pretty much what it says on the tin. just two heartbroken bitches fucking and being cruel to each other and im eating that shit up thanks

A Willing Foe and Sea-Room by ClutchHedonist

“Nnh.” Fitzjames whines around his thumb.

“None of that. Clearly, you can’t shut your own bloody mouth to save your life.” Francis huffs, “So I’ll shut it for you.”

pre-canon. Fitzjames - still as a baby lieutenant - and Crozier have a brief but very hot encounter during some Admiralty Party.

Caïssa by cosmogram

“You said you had a question,” Francis snapped, irritable already.

“Yes,” James said, flushed and resplendent still from the company next door—undaunted and loose-limbed in just the way that plucked cloying ire from a raw place in Francis. “How’s your chess game?”

A seduction.

a little bonus to the list, because i love this fic and it recently updated after a very long hiatus (it's still a wip tho but i hope the author manages to finish it, they're one of my favourite writers in this fandom). no hatesex here, it's more of a slow-burn with past Crozier/Ross and really great dialogues, as always. Neptune also makes an appearance.

Bespoke by ktula

James is trying to escape his grief after Sir John's death. Francis, in his own way, is trying to do the same. OR: The one where James Fitzjames has a bit of the genders, and his captain is surprisingly accommodating of that.

ending this rec list on a kinder and softer note, as a treat. this was one of the first fics ive read in this fandom and still one of my favourites. not really hate sex though they're still rather uncertain and wary about the other. very good, very sensual, gender-heavy. beautiful fic really.

BONUS have some excellent fitzjames/le vesconte and fitzjames/franklin - as a treat.

you don't have friends (you have admirers) by JamesFitzjames

James Fitzjames is a man who does not seek help.

each chapter deals with something different, so while the fic is unfinished it's not really some painful cliffhanger (tho i would love to see it completed one day). second chapter is some excellent, excellent Fitzconte. last chapter also has, why, of course, some really delightful ✨fitzier hatesex✨.

Hoo-ray and up she rises by TheGreenMeridian

They’re rip-roaringly drunk and laughing loud enough at each other to wake half the neighbourhood as they stumble into their lodgings.

i only like Fitzconte if it's done in a very specific way and this fic fits my needs just perfectly. just two besties being sillayyyy. what, like you never gave your bro a handjob just for shits and giggles?

Whatever morning brings by isamariposa

Brutus spends his life torn between disquiet, distaste and desperate pining for Caesar, leading to his infamous betrayal. In his own final moments, he raises a plea: “Jupiter Maximus, take pity on me. If by Your grace there is a way to atone for what I did to him, I beg You: let me do so in the afterlife.”

His wish is granted.

yes, yes, this is technically an HBO Rome fic but each chapter deals with a different time period - the third is dedicated to The Terror and can totally be read on its own. it's some truly excellent Sir John/Fitzjames with a sprimkle of some delightful Fitzconte tomfoolery. It's really, really good.

okay one last BONUS

devourer of debts by allmyloyaldead(van1lla_v1lla1n)

Cornelius Hickey receives, and devours, and adapts.

What Hickey receives from the universe and what he takes for himself, the pieces with which he sews himself together into a man, or something like one.

some incredible Hickey insanity. truly brilliant. the gifts Hickey receives from Billy, Irving and Fitzjames, short and sweet (by sweet i obviously mean gruesome and fucked up <3)

[lightning-chicken]

Unfamiliar, Familiar Dances

(tags from this post, via @finn-m-corvex)

i like how you think, finn! in fact, i liked it so much that i went ahead and wrote this:

(set during s13 ep1, ao3 version here)

“What? What happened? Someone’s located the Teapot of Tyrahn? Uh, Pythor’s back? My father’s been found? What?”

The postman only chuckled in response to Lloyd’s questions. “Heh, you got an invitation. To Shintaro!” 

“Shintaro?” Lloyd echoed.

“Mm-hmm, the Ivory City!” Satisfaction and pride at a job well done beamed from the postman. “You don’t deliver one of these every day. No siree.”

As the others chattered away, Nya glanced at Jay to gauge how much of Lloyd’s anxious speculation he picked up.

Someone’s located the Teapot of Tyrahn?

The only reason why the rest of the ninja knew that particular object existed was because of a precaution. Neither Nya nor Jay had been keen on the idea of revealing the alternate turn of events that had upended their lives; though it would’ve been nice to lift some of the burden off of their chests, the questions and confusion that would follow would be too much to deal with. Just the idea of an alternate timeline would concern the other ninja, and that wasn’t even including everything that happened during it. FSM, how would Kai react if he found out she’d—

Not now, Nya.

Through an unspoken agreement, Nya and Jay had decided to keep those events to themselves. Small details, like the Teapot of Tyrahn, could be mentioned in passing as objects of interest, but nothing more than that. Everything else—all of the festering guilt and old hopes and moments that Nya pretended didn’t bother her—got shoved away in that little locked box where Nya kept all the essential, pointless things that got in the way. 

(She knew it was one of her old, bad habits, and she was working on prying that lock open and dealing with every little thing one at a time, but sometimes it was simply so much easier to deal with things later. If laterever came around.)

If they ever needed to talk about it, they could talk to each other.

Not that they did that often.

All the ninja had a particular manner of tiptoeing their way around all the unpleasant things they’d experienced in their years as Ninjago’s protectors. They addressed things by not addressing them at all. Something catastrophic would happen, but nothing would change except for deeper layers under ordinary actions: How are you doings were expressed in breakfast offers, sorrys were layered in lingering hugs, I love yous were lent in borrowed clothes. None of it was ever really said aloud; saying it aloud would be an admission that something was wrong in the first place. Instead, they all attempted to return to the safety of normal. Over the years of grieving and ignoring almost-failures and almost-tragedies, the ninja had perfected this uncomfortably familiar dance. The steps were memorised.

At first, Nya had loathed this dance. The ninja’s determination to awkwardly skirt around any mention of sensitive topics infuriated her to no end. She couldn’t see why they didn’t just get any bothersome feelings out in the open and move on. They were ninja, for FSM’s sake—the city needed a set of strong elemental masters, not a group of damaged teenagers.

Then she learned what dying felt like, and she realised that one was a result of the other.

In all honesty, they’d gotten better at coping with things over the years. Weekly sleepovers were established, with pillow forts and fierce competition over who got to choose the movie for the evening. And when the lights dimmed and eyes lulled closed, sometimes one of them would let slip a disquieting thought that’d been bugging them, and that was okay.

They would be okay.

What wasn’t okay, though, was how Nya and Jay had dealt with the events that had happened but also didn’t happen. At the start, they hadn’t talked about it at all, preferring to pretend that everything was (that they were) normal. 

All that had come crashing down when Nya caught Jay in the middle of a nightmare, tears dripping down his face when she woke him up, both their hearts pounding too fast to ever be considered normal.

Now they had settled into their own version of the dance. Jay was there to grab her hand when he caught it absentmindedly rubbing her chest where the venom had been, or when she stared at a white dress in horrified rapture. In return, Nya was there to soothe him when someone moved in a certain way and he flinched, or when he spiralled into a panic over details that meant nothing to other people but meant so many things to him. And they were both there to check on the other when often-innocent mentions of that timeline caught them unawares.

Like now.

Someone’s located the Teapot of Tyrahn?

Turning to face her yang, Nya studied him for any kind of reaction. Jay—who she would usually catch doing the same thing—didn’t seem to notice. At all. He was fully engaged in the conversation, oohing and ahhing over the fancy envelope along with the other ninja. Maybe he hadn’t heard it?

No, he definitely did. He always did.

Gently grabbing his wrist, Nya steers Jay away from the others. They’re all too busy talking about Shintaro (whatever that was, she wasn’t really paying attention) to pick up Nya’s murmured, “You okay?”

A sweetly bemused smile bloomed on his face; it was an expression he’d been adopting more frequently than usual. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Nya knew Jay. She’d known him through years of winning and losing, through years of fighting and surviving, and through the best and worst years of their lives—in some cases, she could even say she knew too muchabout him. 

(Jay had never quite mastered the art of knowing when some information was too much information.)

She knew about his tendency to ramble when he was nervous, about the way he fidgeted with his fingers when he was flustered, about how his eyes would light up with a blue too bright to be normal when he got an idea. Nya knew what made Jay… well, Jay. 

When Jay spoke, there wasn’t any rush to the words, or forced cheerfulness she’d learned to discern from his usual upbeat tone, or tell-tale tremble under his voice. In short, there were none of the things that usually indicated Jay was hiding something.

None.

Nya didn’t know what worried her more: the possibility that Jay had suddenly gotten very, very good at lying; or the idea that he genuinely didn’t know what she was talking about.

Because the Jay she knew wouldn’t—couldn’t—have been so calm about it.

Of course, there was the possibility that he’d finally moved on from it. They hadn’t had to talk about it for months, after all. Maybe she was the one with the leftover baggage.

Still, Nya couldn’t shake off her lingering doubts.

It didn’t make sense. After they both got trapped inside Prime Empire, and after she… disappeared, she would’ve thought that he’d be more aware of the last time something like that had happened, not less. Even Nya was still frazzled by it; for a moment, she’d been…

Death didn’t feel like it did the first time.

Losing her last life in Prime Empire had been quick. Painless. No permeating chill, no agony of drowning in your own body, no dimming view of the person she’d realised that she’d loved all along.

And she’d come back! 

She was fine.

Everything was fine.

Jay tilted his head, catching her attention. Judging by his quizzical look, she’d been quiet for far too long. Nya gripped his hand and squeezed it, ignoring how it didn’t fit against hers like it used to. “Nothing, nothing. Just making sure you’re alright.”

Jay hummed.

Usually, when Nya shut down his questions like that, he’d give her space at first, but later approach her just to make sure she was okay.  Now, he rejoined the conversation with ease, and she already knew there wasn’t going to be any check-up later.

Inexplicable dread crept up her spine.

Whilst the others started making plans, Kai glanced at Nya for her opinions, only to realise that she wasn’t with the rest of the group anymore. After making his way over to her, he leaned his arm on her shoulder in the older-brotherly way she’d always associated with him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Kai must’ve noticed the way her eyes had flicked from him to Jay, because the next thing he asked was, “Do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“What? No. No, he hasn’t done anything.”

And that was the problem. 

But what kind of problem was that?

A coil of unease tightened around her stomach.

“You sure?” Kai didn’t sound convinced. But Kai was sceptical of a lot of things; it was in his nature, since the early days when the Smith family became two instead of four. Maybe it was in her nature, too.

The coil began to unwind.

Maybe Jay really hadn’t heard what Lloyd said. Maybe she was extrapolating things out of control, trying to connect dots that didn’t exist. Maybe she shouldn’t be doubting Jay: her yang, one of the people she cared about most in the world.

“I’m sure.”

Her stupid line of reasoning didn’t make sense anyway. So what if Jay had changed? Everyone did. People got older. Trying to stop it would be futile, and so would be trying to deny it.

What Nya couldn’t deny was the incessant fact that this Jay wasn’t the same person as her old Jay. Somewhere in the middle of the past few years or months (she couldn’t pinpoint it exactly), her Jay had changed.

There was nothing she could do about that.

Even so, she couldn’t help but wonder why.