#Love them both deeply though

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[kelocitta]

In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-

Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.

To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)

And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more… villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.

Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.

The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.

They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri

[ruporas]

deserving to be held

[kanjichris]

"why don't you want him to know how much you love him?" "that's a little personal. he knows." "uh-huh."

[twentyonefirstmates]

Just looked at the digital remains again and oh my god why are we not talking more about the original lyrics to backslide

If I were to backslide, tell everyone we know

Thanks for the last time they came out

...

Why did I not thank you more, saving me those other times

(Don't you dare jump in)

...

I'd rather you hurt me, than do nothing at all

I'd rather you let me down, than just gas me up

I'd rather you cuse me, than do nothing at all

...

You won't make a sound, pick someone else I won't be around

Trapped inside your smile, don't put me on trial

Don't you see you take, everything from me

[salad-storm]

This turned from me trying to do something serious to just having fun with it and I think that's great

[kismetconstellations]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) x.

[allthepandasintheworld]

good omens reference and also, halsin is HUGE ok, in game, rene literally only comes up to his shoulder

im assuming body type 2 for drow are around 6ft but i dont think(?) they are(?) HOWEVER. elves are canonically on average 6ft tall, and halsin is considered abnormally tall for an elf, which can only mean he's 7ft at least, in this essay i--

[dont-hug-me-its-yuri]

dead end job headcanons 321 go

I’m gonna try to keep these more lighthearted but if you guys want to hear a few messed up ones I can do that

. they are very fucked up mentally ill butches

. Briefcase specifically is transfem and bigender, using He/She/It pronouns (though all the talking objects use it/Its in some way in my mind)

. They usually spend a lot of time together at night, mainly because Briefcase is a workaholic and will stay up for hours doing paperwork while Coffin just doesn’t sleep a lot due to night terrors

. They both have autism they just don’t know it

. Coffin spends a lot of time doing research on flower language so Briefcase gets a lot of flower arrangements even if she doesn’t exactly what they mean

. They fight like an old married couple and they get into arguments a lot, they’re both stubborn and will take hours to apologize to each other

. Coffin is very touch-starved cause like look at them and Briefcase is one of the few people she’s open with regarding physical touch

. like she won’t violently push Briefcase off if he gives them a hug

. Coffin has given Briefcase a few of her necklaces/bracelets that are made of human bones, Briefcases accepts them but she’s like “These aren’t real bones…right?” And Coffin just stares

. Briefcase usually avoids eye contact while Coffin will stare deeply into your eyes with an unmoving neutral expression

.Coffin writes poetry for Brief sometimes, they're usually weirdly dark with a romantic undertone cause that’s just how Coffin does things

. Briefcase is a coffee person and Coffin is a tea person

. Briefcase is heavily allergic to cats but is willing to suffer for Deathbringer and Missile Launcher (Coffins cats)

only some of them but I love my fucked up butches <3

[rocktis]

fanon my beloved vs. fanon my beloathed

beloved - zack's nicknames for cloud (spikey, sunshine, cloudy, etc) - kunsel has hacked into shinra's database and could cause massive damage to the company on a whim by tapping a few keys beloathed - "zack's so stupid lol he's such a himbo" - "cloud's just a cocky asshole who doesn't care about anything but money and himself"

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[finalgirlgretchen]

quite frankly unbelievable to me how many people don't care about benverly as a ship. sooooo many mfers out there calling benverly boring or plain compared to reddie/stenbrough/whatever. and it's like. what do u MEAN boring. haven't u ever felt impossible to love. haven't u ever felt already ruined at the tender age of 11. haven't u ever met someone who loves u like it's the thing they were born to do regardless.

[professorjirt]

it makes me SO sad that it’s hard to go through Samwise’s tags or find people for whom he is their favorite that don’t put down Frodo. I’m thankful that the number of those who truly understand him and love both him and who he struggles for is greater than it could be and has been in the past, but it’s still so heartbreaking to see, because I love Sam so dearly, and he’d never want this. It’s such a disrespect of Sam’s character to think that the only way to praise him is to undermine or insult Frodo. And it’s a disrespect to the narrative of Lord of the Rings as well. People constantly reference a cherry picked and out of context piece of a letter Tolkien wrote, desperately trying to claim that Sam is The Singular Hero of the story, when that wasn’t even remotely the context of the letter, yet its been used for years to undermine all the other characters of the series and erase the well rounded character Sam is to shave him into some one dimensional He-Man. Sam is undoubtedly one of the chief characters of the story, THE chief character of the story alongside Frodo. Without Sam the quest would not have been fulfilled. Yet Tolkien makes it clear that Sam could not have done Frodo’s job— especially not on his own. Just as the Ring broke down Frodo, it would have done for Sam— especially by the point of Mordor. That isn’t where Sam’s strength and value lies. It doesn’t lie in being the sacrifice. It lies in being the hope, the support, the utterly maddened loyalty and stubbornness and love that overcomes and strengthens. As I have come to say, Frodo carried the world, and Sam carried Frodo. People seem to think that as lesser, and I find that insulting. Would you find a friend that supported you in dark times lesser? Are they not your world in those moments? Do they not hold up the world for you yourself, as you struggle to carry the weight of it, and remind you that whatever suffering, you will never be abandoned or alone, even if both of you endure the fires of hell and no brightness shines through. It will not be alone. That is the beauty of Sam, and the people that treat that role as though it was not enough or that he should have had more on his plate show their lack of understanding of the very character they claim to praise.

[gorillaxyz]

NEAR IS SO EDWARD VI CODED.

[vibrantboredom]

I'm relistening to I am in Eskew at the same time as the Silt Verses come out and it's so fun seeing ideas introduced in Eskew resurface in TSV, like I just finished ep. 24 and the way the History Society works is so much like our new scary war saint!!! Obsessed

[moe-broey]

Was there a particular moment where the characters of FEH really sunk their claws in for you?

For me personally was the half a body, half a mind page from the silly little side comic (aka where Robin asks Kiran if Alfonse is their other half and they chose to interpret that very literally). The revelation that Alfonse and Kiran’s dynamic switches who has the braincell in the prince/tactician dynamic was eye opening. And then the follow up of Sharena being fucking gobsmacked that local introvert prince managed to S rank Kiran was beautiful 10/10 makes me both happy and sad. And from then on the brain rot has been STRONG. No thoughts head empty only these lil guys.

Oughgh I'VE. BEEN RUMINATING ON THIS.... (which is. Why it took so long for me to respond to LMFAOO)

BUT.... first of all YOUR INTERPRETATION. OF THE "Half a body, half a mind" bit is HUGE. Like you're so right, there is a lot of symbolism there even if it's silly!!! And esppp Sharena's reaction to Alfonse making a close friend, so easily in her eyes... that absolutely would be a sleeper agent thing for me actually. Like. I wouldn't consider it until Much later, and when I did it just never left my mind.

And I think that's the thing!! I've actually been having a lot of trouble, trying to pinpoint exactly Where each took such a strong hold on me LMFAO. I think, because it's this gradual and constant process of taking in information, noticing something Odd, re-examining, re-contextualizing, and gaining new perspective.

It def happened quicker w Alfonse though, cause he's actually much easier to read. Immediately you can tell his words and actions aren't matching up, and through that you can tell his feelings aren't matching his words either. You also see the clear reason Why he's Like That, on. Several different levels.

I think.... the lines of dialogue that always stick with me. His entire level 40 convo. I'm always thinking about it. I'll often revisit it. And, a lot of his lines to or about the summoner: "Please, remain with us, [summoner]?", "Or... is it that reality has been reshaped by my fear of having lost [summoner]?"

BUT, I think. What really got me was actually his Forging Bonds with Dieck. Like at this point I was already in way too deep LMFAO BUT. Dieck's fucking dialogue fucked me up SO much actually

I AM LITERALLY ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING DIALOGUE ‼️‼️‼️‼️It REALLY opened my eyes AND put words to something that was Constantly nagging at me. How Alfonse, from the very start, will say one thing, and then. Directly contradict himself. Not because he's disingenuous -- but because he's so split in two.

AND. AUGHHGH!! THAT'S!!!! You think he's so reserved, and he is. But he wears his heart on his sleeve and will talk openly with anyone who will listen. You think he's the cool and collected type, he OFTEN leaves people with that impression. But SO many times he acts rashly, with little regard for himself. He claims, he can't be driven by emotion because those driven by emotion cannot rule. BUT HE. IS. SUCH A PAINFULLY EMOTIONAL CHARACTER. Almost EVERYTHING he does is driven by his emotions -- I absolutely think so much about how he has a bit of a temper on him, and I think about all the little ways he so clearly and deeply loves Sharena, I think about how much of a mess he is over Bruno, I think about just how quickly he warmed up to the summoner despite insisting upon keeping his distance. Hell, you think he's like. This very serious guy. And he is! Aaand then next thing you know he's dug a ditch and he's thrown himself into it and he's covered in mud. AND. THE WILDEST PART OF THAT. Is the Way he does it, the reason Why, it. Tracks. Like yeah. He would do that. That's actually not out of character for him.

(ALSO as a side his Forging Bonds w f!Alear also live in my head rent free -- another instance of, taking a step back and re-evaluating. It was actually so refreshing in a way? You get used to just how warm he is with the summoner, that you forget just how cold he can be too. That's ALSO something I'm so not normal about. The asshole tendencies. The coldness, and the ruthlessness. It's subtle, but There. He does have a harsher side to him.)

AND ALL OF THIS....... still only feels like the tip of the iceberg. But literally I will never shut up about it LMFAOOO I GOTTA. BECAUSE. SHARENA‼️‼️‼️

I think actually I have an easier time pinning down where I started having Thoughts about her. Because, I made the same mistake a lot of charas in-universe make, even Alfonse, himself. Assuming, that just because she's outgoing and friendly, that she has an easier time making friends. When like. Really, it's been present the whole time actually -- from that FEH comic, to the Paralogues featuring Katarina, like. She doesn't. She struggles just as much, if not more.

But I think, the exact point I actually internalized this was in her Forging Bonds w f!Byleth. Like. Those convos REALLY make it clear, so much so I felt stupid for not even seeing that sooner. And, it helped me re-contextualize her level 40 convo also! When I first got that dialogue, I really didn't know what to make of it. LIKE. ABSOLUTELY she's so sweet and I love her. But. I really had no idea what to make of it! Until like. It became clear to me, ohhhhhhhh I. Fell for the front she puts up as a defense mechanism. You can be cheerful and silly and deeply hurt and have just as many interpersonal issues as someone who like. Shows clearer signs of having those issues. Okay! Got it 🫡 SHKAHSJSHJAJ

And then I think that's when I became just deeply unwell about her too LMFAOOOOOOO