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johannestevans · 1 year

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Bunch of new pieces this week!

Good evening!

Apologies for the lack of email last week, and the lack of bonus erotica episode too - I'm traveling back and forth at the moment as I try to sort out flat stuff, and unfortunately my asthma is kicking my ass at the moment and making it really hard to sit and record audio even when I have the time. I'm hoping after some rest my chest will chill out a bit and I'll be able to record by next week, but unfortunately it's not predictable.

I had a great time at Bristol Pride and met some of you guys, so if that was you, thanks so much for saying hello!

I will be at Leeds Pride in August, too, so looking forward to that.

Before I get to media recommendations and my new works published in the past two weeks, just your reminder that I am now running a trans erotica publication on Medium!

I'm reccing a favourite in my Media Recs section below, but since starting off, there's 20 new erotic pieces there to peruse, and I'm so, so excited to see a broad swathe of authors and works as time goes on and the publication reaches more people.

Trans Erotica on Medium

Please don't feel that you have to be transmasc or MLM to submit just because I am, by the way, I'd love to see more transfem and trans woman authors, as well as lesbians and WLW, submitting too!

Here are the Submission Guidelines, and here's a basic guide to Medium to get you started if you're new to the platform. Want a prompt to get you started? Here's the July 2023 prompt set.

Media Recs

Fashioning a Fop by Damien Locke- Short fiction. An 18th century tale of a trans man discovering himself through dressing in men’s clothing for the first time. This piece is fucking spectacular, so gorgeously written and with such wonderful 1700s-style prose, very hot, very fun!

What's in the Tea? by Achilles King - Short fiction. 18+ Erotica. Cis M/M and Cis M/Trans M. This is a gorgeous little piece playing with massage and the drugging effects of a particular tea, and I love the power play in this one.

The Music Man (1962, dir. Morton DaCosta) - A musical! I've been in the mood for musicals the past few days, and I enjoyed this one a lot more than I expected - a lot of the music has really stuck with me, I love the brass band stuff and the rapid patter pace of the show, especially because I love a conman. With that said, Marian Paroo is a ridiculous name for a woman - the librarian love interest should be a man. I also watched and enjoyed Sweet Charity (1969, dir. Bob Fosse), and I never realised Big Spender was from this show! So that was fun.

I had a gay movie marathon with my boyfriend, Lewis, so first we watched A League Of Their Own (1992, dir. Penny Marshall) and Thelma and Louise (1991, dir. Ridley Scott). These are both great films, obviously - A League of Their Own is a semi-biographical story about the first female baseball league in the USA during the war, and the second is a crime drama with two besties/lovers stuck in an escalating spiral after one of them shoots an attempted rapist. Lewis was surprised that Thelma and Louise is actually gay, so just FYI, it really is actually gay! It's not a happy ending and it's not uncomplicated, but Thelma and Louise are such great characters, and I love them a lot.

We also watched a favourite of mine, which is Gods and Monsters (1998, dir. Bill Condon), starring Ian McKellen and Brendan Fraser. If you love sexy manipulative old gay men fucking with the heads of younger mostly straight men who don't know how to deal with being the object of a man's desire, who are terrified of queerness on so many levels, but are also drawn to the novel and new? Yeah, baby. This is the flick for you.

Goetia (2016) - This is a point-and-click videogame that I played on PS4, although I also have it on PC, and I just finished it today. If you're interested in demonology and you love a 20th century haunted house, this is a short game with some great character writing and a really engaging mystery - a lot of it is pretty fucking creepy, and while the ending didn't entirely land for me, I enjoyed the game enough that I do want to recommend it. This is fucking difficult as a puzzle game, though, so definitely keep a notepad and pen handy.

We also caught the Super Mario Bros. (2023, dir. Michael Jelenic and Aaron Horvath) movie, and it was grand - it was honestly very well-paced, funny, and they did a lot of creative stuff with the source material, plus I'm obviously disgustingly horny for Bowser at all times, so it was good food for my libido.

With that said, it was a bit too aggressive with the heterosexuality, and the racial politics of the whole thing are... Fucking bad. Like, there's a lot to unpack there that I'd need a whole essay to pick apart, and as a white dude I really don't know that it's my place - there's always been some racism in the franchise, like the British studio's addition of a lot of anti-Black coding in making Donkey Kong 64, but just the whole vibe of the Mushroom Kingdom's worship of Princess Peach is like... Weird.

And lastly, I watched and loved The Wicker Man (1973, dir. Robin Hardy), and I have an extensive review below.

New Works Published

June's Top Short Story: Agony and Ecstasy

June's most popular short story of mine was Agony and Ecstasy!

Erotic short. An abbot takes a stranded sailor on for… personal duties.

6k, M/M, rated E! Age difference, virginity kink, some naivety, some oral and anal, first time enthusiasm.

On Medium / / On Patreon

TweetFic: Notes of Lavender

A secretary bonding and connecting with the only male secretary at work. 1960s. Featuring lavender marriages and LESBIANS.

On Twitter

New Podcast: A Stranger's Visit: The Story, Episode 4

Fantasy short. A priest of Freyr receives a strange visitation.

3.6k, rated T. MB. Originally published May 29th, 2021. A little bit of Norse godliness versus Norse priestliness. Featuring Esben. Adapted from a TweetFic.

RSS Feed / / On Spotify / / On Google Podcasts / / On YouTube

New Podcast: Temple Service: The Story, Episode 5

Romance short. A servant at the temple to Hephaestus lusts after an olive-tender.

Rated M, 2.2k, cis M/M, some ancient Greeks! Originally publiushed June 3rd, 2022. A temple servant and a grove-worker, lots of teasing and banter and flirting.

RSS Feed / / On Spotify / / On Google Podcasts / / On YouTube

Romance Short: Sickbed Trade

One sailor tends to another in his sickbed.

Just a little M/M piece with some love and intimacy. 500w.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Film Review: The Wicker Man (1973, dir. Robin Hardy)’s Spit in the Face of Cops and Colonialism

Exploring The Wicker Man’s themes of authority and control on its 50th anniversary.

On Medium / / On Patreon / / On Tumblr

Erotic Short: Intensive Care

A paediatric nurse takes some time after work with the Head of Psychiatry.

3.4k, cis M/M. Some fucky power play between coworkers, both of them very aware of each other’s character flaws, featuring age difference, size difference, riding, oral, anal, lots of physical intimacy and affection, with a hint of overstim at the end.

CW for mentions of past trauma, implied rape and sexual abuse, and incest. None of these things are explicit or present-day, and they’re discussed in the context of unpacking a trigger and some invasive thoughts.

On Medium / / On Patreon

Essay: The Relief of a Queer Audience as a Fruity Stand-Up Comic

Explaining one's existence takes time.

I’m a stand-up comedian.

Last week, I did some comedy at a queer-run, queer-centred open mic — suddenly, a twelve-minute set fit into six, because I was in a room full of queer people who knew exactly what I was talking about...

On Medium / / On Patreon

Erotic Short: Public Performance

A vampire shows off his toy for a club.

1k, cis M/trans M. A vampire fucks his trans boyfriend in a crowded nightclub as people dance below them.

Featuring some chem sex with the drugging effects of a vampire belt, public sex, fingering and vaginal sex, overstimulation, and implications of a fevered gangbang in the aftermath.

On Medium / / On Patreon

#musings #original fiction

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innytoes · 2 years

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I got a little carried away for the charity toy drive and you’re the very overwhelmed but happy volunteer for Sunset Skater, please?

The day had been bad so far. Hell, the week had been bad so far. It was getting harder and harder to keep a cheerful smile on his face. They'd pulled out all the stops earlier in the day (and by that he meant some sick-ass yoyo tricks and juggling), but a lot of people had walked away once they got a better look at his table. One lady had told them he should be ashamed of himself.

He was thinking maybe he should just give up. He could get the money some other way. Maybe even crawl back to Caleb and admit they did need their trust fund after all. Not for him, but he couldn't bare the thought of any of the kids not getting presents this year.

Then, he heard it.

"Hang on guys, Alex is being drawn to a rainbow flag like a gay moth to a fabulous flame!" a guy in a leather jacket called over his shoulder, following a cute boy in a hoodie and a fanny pack.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that," the guy complained, even though he was heading right Willie's way.

"Hi!" he said in their most perky volunteer voice. "I'm here on behalf of the Ortega Home for LGBTQ Youths, for our charity toy drive!"

"Oh my god it's one of those wish trees!" the guy in the leather jacket said, bouncing up to the tree next to the table. "I've always wanted to do one of these! And now we have like, money!" He looked so excited, it was adorable. At the last second though, he pulled his hand back. Oh no. Not again.

But the guy just turned to them and said, shyly: "Can I?"

"Yeah, totally!" Willie said. "We have wishes from kids of various ages in the tree."

"There's so many of them," Fanny Pack said. "Are the ones that have already been filled still up there?"

The perky volunteer voice slipped. "I'm afraid not. A lot of people see the flag, or read the cards, and suddenly the giving spirit leaves them." Perhaps this was the wrong mall to set up in, or something. But it was the only one he'd been able to get a permit for. The blonde guy looked sad, then squared his shoulders.

"We'll take five," he said, before turning and whistling. Out of nowhere, three other people popped up. "Each."

"To start," Leather Jacket said happily, already plucking cards out of the tree. "Oooh, this one is mine." He held up a card decorated in little trans and heart stickers. "B, age seven, wants a puppy and sparkly nail polish. Same!"

"What are we doing?" A guy with very impressive biceps said. "I thought we were going to the music store?"

"Wish tree," Fanny Pack said. "Queer wish tree."

With a tiny pout, Biceps muttered how he guessed the music store could wait.

"This one is for Alex," Leather Jacket declared. "Because it's written in sparkly pink gel pen." He passed it over. Fanny Pack, or Alex, read the card.

"No, this one is for Luke," he said. "K, 17, wants a guitar, a record player, and Julie and the Phantom's new LP." Biceps pretty much vibrated out of his skin, snatching up the card and practically running over to where the music store was. Willie didn't even have a chance to explain they didn't need to purchase everything on the card.

"Aaaand we've lost Luke to the music store," the exceptionally pretty person in red suspenders said. They were wearing a pleated leather skirt and torn leggings and amazing eyeliner and Willie kind of wanted to steal their entire look.

"If we find any more music related cards, I'll take them over to him later," the girl said, joining Leather Jacket at the tree. "This one's for you, Bobby. E, 15, nonbinary, wants a pretty, flowy skirt size 8, some dark lipstick, and a cool necklace."

"Bobby knows what's cool," Leather Jacket agreed.

They picked over the tree, more and more cards being handed out among the friend group. They all introduced themselves, asking Willie about the charity. He told them about Ortega House, about the support groups they had, the art therapy program he volunteered at, and the kids who lived there permanently after being kicked out for being, well, not-cis, not-straight.

Julie grabbed her phone and started texting someone named Flynn for a 'consult on the best make-up for dark skin tones' for J, 16. She had two neat stacks of cards on the table, a few with make-up and clothing requests, and a few music related ones for Luke.

Bobby ('he, they, she, please' she said when she noticed Willie’s he/they name sticker) got all the 'cool and edgy teen' cards, according to the others, and Alex grabbed a few that requested books and art supplies. Reggie ended up picking every single card for kids under ten, before running off to the toy store and shouting at them he'd 'be right back!'

"It's because he's never grown up," Alex said fondly.

"It's because he finally has an excuse to sneak in that new Star Wars Lego Set while we're not watching," Bobby grumbled.

One by one, the people left, and he ended up sitting next to the nearly empty tree, texting Kenny, Dante, and Fuego about what had just happened.There were a lot of emojis and exclamation points.

Alex was the first to arrive back. He had several bags filled with books, along with two rolls of... sparkly unicorn wrapping paper. He looked embarrassed. "You don't have to use it," he said. "I just saw it and thought it would be nice. I still need to hit up the art store for the rest, but..."

"This is amazing," Willie said. "You guys are... I mean... I thought we wouldn't be able to do it, that I'd failed, and you and your friends totally saved the day. Thank you."

Alex flushed rather prettily, and gave a sweet smile. "I wish I'd had a place like Ortega House when I came out," he told Willie. "I think we all do, probably." He made an exasperated face. "And Luke will take any excuse to spend more time in the music store."

"Your boyfriend?" Willie asked, because he was stupid, because they couldn't not, because he'd rather know now than before he made a fool out of themselves in front of this cute guy by slipping him their number and never getting called.

"One of them," Alex said, before looking flustered and hurrying off to the art store.

Oh. Well, maybe that meant he still had a shot.

Julie was back next, along with another girl, the infamous Flynn. She started grilling him about the Ortega House social media presence almost immediately, satisfied when he gave her a little pamphlet with all their information on the back. She disappeared off to the food court, declaring she would be back later with donuts.

"I'm going to go bring Luke his other cards now, before he buys out the entire store to give to K, 17," Julie said, amused, and left.

Reggie was the next person to arrive back, carrying so many bags he was waddling slightly.

"I may have gone a little overboard," he admitted. "But there was so much cool stuff, and really, who doesn't want a colour-changing dinosaur, huh?" He showed Willie the box. "Also, can I hide this Lego set under your table so the others don’t see it?"

Willie grinned, lifting up the table cloth and miming zipping his lips when Reggie slid the Star Wars Lego set under it. Reggie happily flopped down in the chair next to him and started helping him sort out the gifts, arranging them on the table behind him by the little cards. They chatted, and Reggie told him all about the others, about how they lived together, how they were in a band.

Willie subtly tried to figure out who was dating who, and if he maybe had a shot with Alex (or honestly, any of them). Reggie just happily rattled off a bunch of names. “Sometimes Alex says we need some kind of flow chart,” he said, gently placing the floppy stuffed dog on top of a pile. “But I don’t think it’s too hard to remember.”

“That’s because you’re literally dating everyone, Reginald,” Bobby said as they came back to the table, dropping her bags on the table. Reggie beamed, leaning over to bat his eyes at her. “These are all sorted by card, the card’s in the bag with the items. Now where’s the box?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Reggie said, trying and failing to look not look guilty.

“The Lego Star Wars Set,” Bobby said, leaning over and giving Reggie a Look. He didn’t even flinch when Reggie leaned over to kiss his forehead. “I know you have it.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny,” Reggie said. “Oh look there’s Luke and Julie!” He pointed excitedly, and when Bobby looked away, nudged the box a little further under the table.

Luke, and Julie, who were not just carrying bags, but had stolen two shopping carts from a nearby store. There was a hot pink electric guitar (he was guessing for Katie), an amp, thee acoustic guitars, a keyboard with stand, a flute, a whole stack of ‘for beginners’ books, two record players, a radio slash CD player, and more CDs and records than Willie knew what to do with.

“Oh my god,” Bobby whispered. “I knew we should have sent Alex with him to keep him in check.”

“I dunno, I think this is exactly what these kids deserve,” Alex said happily, grinning when Bobby jumped and then punched him in the shoulder. He deposited the three large bags of art supplies on the table (sketchbooks and paints and brushes and the Good coloured pencils and oh god those were so expensive, these people were insane or angels or both.)

“I got some extra stuff,” Luke said. “You know, just some music I thought the kids would like, based on what they were asking for.” Next to him, Julie rolled her eyes.

“This is amazing,” Willie whispered. He wasn’t sure if anyone heard him, though, because Luke started to accost Alex, who pushed him away and fished a bunch of markers out of his fanny back with a ‘you could just ask!’

Then, he spread out a bunch of records on the table and started... defacing each one? No, not defacing. Signing them with a blue marker. Alex handed out the other markers (red for Reggie, white for Bobby, purple for Julie, and he kept a pink one for himself) and followed suit. Willie squinted at the records.

“Oh,” he managed. “You’re Julie and the Phantoms.”

“Tell your friends!” Reggie chirped, throwing him a wink.

“If Luke got too many and not all the kids are interested, a fully signed record can net your charity about 500 bucks on eBay, last I checked,” Bobby said. “Just space them out a little.”

“Also,” Julie said, checking her phone. “Flynn posted the links to your online donation drive on our socials, and she’ll be back with donuts and to take some pictures of us all, it’ll be good publicity for you.”

Oh my god Katie was going to flip. Kenny was going to flip.

“Oooh, I want sprinkles,” Reggie said. “Tell her I want sprinkles!”

“She knows, baby.”

“I just...” Willie said. How was any of this happening? He knows he should be like, channeling his inner Caleb, glad-handing and maybe securing a yearly donation, or a charity concert, or a freaking meet-and-greet with the kids. But they were just a lowly art therapist and honestly they were about to start crying and...

“Hey, we’re sorry,” Alex said. “We should have asked first.”

“No it’s... this is perfect.” They wiped at their eyes with a sleeve furiously. “This is all so perfect, the kids are going to be so happy.”

“You know,” Reggie said. “If you give Alex your number, we could maybe keep in touch. Hear what the kids thought.”

“Maybe set up a charity concert or something!” Luke piped up.

“And a date,” Bobby said, smirking when Alex went as pink as his hoodie.

“Really?” Willie whispered, awed.

At the end of the day, he sent out several texts. One in the Volunteer group chat, of him and the piles and piles of donations, and a request to please come help him get this all back to Ortega House. One to Kenny about the whole ‘so I met a famous band and they posted the charity to their socials, you’re welcome and also call this nice lady called Flynn to discuss a charity concert’ and one to Dante and Fuego in all caps that just said I’M GOING ON A DATE WITH THREE OR MAYBE FOUR PEOPLE and seventeen different emojis.

#julie and the phantoms #I wrote a thing #fanfic #the greater polyphantoms polycule #and that's how willie was added to the polycule as part of Sunset Skater #what's the point of being a famous band if you can't buy out an entire wish tree #yes they keep going until the entire tree is empty #while also maybe having a pre-date at the food court #willie is so overwhelmed and confused and delighted he's just Going With It #reggiexeveryone is the best pairing of all #Reggie basically lays out like: okay so we all like you please check the boxes on who you want to date no hard feelings #(maybe a little hard feelings if you don't pick me but I'll get over it)#he has a streak to uphold okay #also Willie is very pretty and nice and cool #Bobby grumbles about it being 'do you like me yes/no' but also is like: well at least it's efficient #why is this so long oh god

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voidoftetris · 2 years

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I posted 6,650 times in 2022

That's 5,698 more posts than 2021!

52 posts created (1%)

6,598 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@everwizard

@random-chaos-thoughts

@mortimermcmirestinks

@annabelle--cane

@a-swarm-of-crabs

I tagged 3,005 of my posts in 2022

#the magnus archives - 475 posts

#rqg - 341 posts

#the mechanisms - 192 posts

#note - 190 posts

#wolf 359 - 130 posts

#malevolent - 112 posts

#tma - 110 posts

#goncharov - 97 posts

#ofmd - 91 posts

#unreality - 89 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#it’s important to remember pretty much everything we believe and think is drawn from the people around us. wtnv voice we’re all echoes

My Top Posts in 2022:

every day i think about oscar wilde. dorian gray. oscar wilde’s trial. lady windermere’s fan. the themes of classism. rqg wilde. how would he feel about modern interpretations of him? of his works? dorian gray. themes of a double life. constant deception. being driven to the brink by your own actions. lady windermere’s fan. sacrifice for another. hating yourself for doing it. the layers of lies and deception. rqg wilde. every single thing i have seen and read and heard related to him is, on some level, about deception. about masks. about blending in and pretending that nothing’s wrong. poetry about english nationalism. his mother was an irish nationalist. he didn’t have an irish accent because he was blending into society. nearly all of his work is about calling out the society he was blending into. masks and layers and constant deception. he’s most famous for being gay. he had a wife whom he wrote poems to and sent letters to a girl he called his childhood sweetheart. he’s dead and we can never be certain what was true. there are so many rumours that came about after he was prosecuted. his work was socially buried after his disgrace. he’s one of the most famous writers in the world. he was a living contradiction, masks covering masks covering masks, and we will never know if there was a person underneath it all. dorian gray. dying alone, filled with rage at what you’ve become. rqg wilde. the ballad of reading gaol. who was he? who could he have been?

76 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Carter my beloved what are you doing here

84 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

me: i’ve heard that de:pp has a trans character in it but i’m not confident that it’s not just my friends finding nothing to contradict a headcanon so-

opening scene: so barney is listening to cavetown

me, instantly: Oh Ok This Is Intentional

109 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

the magnus archives 2: electric spookaloo

290 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

lucy: i need not tell you this is a secret

me, one of presumably thousands of people being emailed this: absolutely not queen. this dies with me, and i love you

841 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sponseredbybadlifechoices · 9 months

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I hate my art style, it feels too claustrophobic, I always have ideas but when I get anything out I either can’t execute it or my mind blanks, then there’s the absolute lack of motivation I’ve had the same sketchbook since like November 22nd and I am not even half way through with it, and the rotting ohhh the rotting

Rotting is just being in that stupide adhd x Depression combo where you have so much to do/want to do but physically can’t get up and do anything due to the affermentioned adhd and depression and so you lay in bed for the rest of the day or all day where you scroll through social media and are so consumed with everything that’s wrong with you and how stifling your room is and how much you want to go outside to a place you’ll only ever see in your daydreams and you’d give to be there or anywhere that isn’t here but you can’t because it’s not shower day yet and if you shower today you’ll have to shower on Monday which is the day you go back to school and you need to brush your teeth and floss because god knows when was the last time you did that

and you want to draw SOMETHING but doing anything is so physically and mentally taxing and when you ARE able to move to draw you can’t draw ANYTHING because despite having so much fanart and references and shit saved none of it inspires you OR it DOES but all your ideas are bad or your hand just can’t produce what it wants and it hasn’t been able to draw anything interesting and that wouldn’t be a problem because there’s so many filters you can use but you can’t utilize ANY of it because you have never been able to think outside the box or do anything interesting because you’re you and nothing you’ve ever drawn has been fucking worth it because it’s all so. Fucking. Boring. It doesn’t say anything new it doesn’t say anything interesting it doesn’t even make you think. At least before October it made you happy and you were actually satisfied with your art but you haven’t felt that feeling since September or July

And that’s another thing you physically can draw anything that doesn’t interest you, and that is heavy blow to your ego when literally NOTHING interests you anymore

When not even your old and dear hyperfixations can save you because you’re so beyond saving because you never had anything interesting to say even with your old interests and so you put your art supplies or iPad away and go back to your phone and you can’t even read fanfic cuz you’re not at school and that’s the on,y time your brain will let you so you go on twitter expecting to see gay fanart but nooo the past month has been full of just radfem bullshit or discourse that does matter yes but is not what you want to see and then you wonder why there’s so much radfem shit on your tl and ofc it’s because someone your following is liking their shit of you must’ve accidentally liked a tweet from a radfem and so now you’re thinking which tweet it was and reevaluating your ideals but you don’t know which ones because you don’t know which fucking tweet you liked that caused this whole downfall andyou just want your timeline to go back to fanart for shit you didn’t give a fuck about and updates on Palestine

So you goto tumblr but that quickly ends because you check all your faves blogs and the dashboard is so fucking boring so you goto tiktok which just, makes everything so much worse, cuz you’ll lay there scrolling through TikTok’s for fucking hours worsening the rotting and yet still being so goddamned bored despite every video but you can’t stop because watching something anything is better than laying there looking into nothing except your shitty fucking room with your queen sized bed tht takes up 90% of the room because your mom wanted the stupid thing to go right smack in the middle and you just wanna sleep upstairs again because upstairs has the most natural light with a big window facing the other apartments but your sister sleeps up there now and she never uses that window because “people can see inside” and you get that shes incredibly paranoid but you’re so fucking jealous and pissed off that she gets all that beautiful natural light to save her but she never fucking utilizes it while you’re stuck on the first floor where your room has two windows on opposite sides, one facing the patio the other facing the street and the patio window while great does not get the ray of sunlight that upstairs does and god knows I’m to scared of another face bejng on the other side of the street window and that’s why you hate the bed being in the middle of the fucking room. At least one of the reasons

Because if your mom could just move it all the way to the patio window you can get so much more natural light and a lot more room, but your mom doesn’t want to do that because of the stupid fucking matching drawers she got and how she wants our individual drawers on each side of the bed and you get it but godgodgod you fucking hate this lack of space how the bed is basically the entire fucking room and since you are absolutely awful at picking cleaning up after yourself there’s basically nowhere to walk and your mom complains about this and it would be so much easier if the bed was just on one side or if you just got a smaller fucking bed,

oh and because of that big ass bed if your mommy isn’t in bed with you you have so much more trouble sleeping like a fucking child but whatever it’s fine you just won’t bring up how much you hate this room you won’t get irritated when your mom always grumbles and huffs and puffs and mutters under her breath passive agressive shit about how dirty the house is because of you and you sister but she only ever does this in front of you so you’re the only one having to take the brunt of it and she’s right of course but it’s the muttering and the huffing and the fucking puffing that pisses you off so much and you just can’t stand it that you have to hold yourself back from splitting your moms head open with your bare fucking hands

And you’re still laying in bed but at this point you’ve sat up and looked at your side of the floor, except there is no floor there’s just all your shit and you can’t even see your floor and you wonder howd it get this bad when you just fucking cleaned it, will you get up and clean it? No! Because you’re so exhausted from either the day at school you had or from the entire week and you never actually heal from school even if you’re on break because you need so so much more time than 2 weeks or 2 days to repair everything and the only reason you survived the first semester is because you kept going and didn’t look back despite how the entire semester when you go home you just spend the rest of the day rotting and you continue to rot for the rest of the week and the weekend and the fucking breaks, and you think to yourself that taking these tiny little breaks will recuperate you just enough to keep going another week and it does but when you reach winter break you come crashing down amd don’t even get me started on how anticlimactic finals were and Christmas and literally everything despite Christmas being your favorite holiday every year every fucking holiday gets worse and worse but that’s not the point is it. Through the rotting although it recuperates you just a tiny bit what it doesn’t let you do is fucking draw like said before and drawing digitally/actually focusing on bigger pieces either traditional or digital is the most enticing part of the weekend or breaks.

But it never comes. Because youre too busy reeling from the day, week, hell months you’ve had and you’re so fucking depressed and it’s gotten so so much worse ever since school started again and you wish you could be one of those low functioning depressed people because they look like they have it so easy but they probably don’t and you’re being so fucking judgemental again but you just can’t help but there’s no one who publicly talks about these parts about their depression

And of COURSE they wouldn’t but you wish so hard someone would, because despite your selfish desires to be the only person to feel what you’re feeling when you get that “wish” and you don’t see anyone talk about it this way you feel so so alone despite you desiring that and you hate it you hate all of it and no one even knows that you’re struggling like this not even your therapist because you were so focused on surviving each week that you couldn’t focus on this slow burn decline and of course you had alot of other shit going on that were more urgent to discuss w your therapist amd even they noticed how you’ve been lower in mood and you noticed too. In your sessions you’ve been so much more tired and so much less your exuberant excited self. It’s not all gone of course you’re still your hyper fixated autistic self and you still get excited over your hyperfixations. But you’ve noticeably been more tired in sessions and probably outside of sessions but no one notices except your therapist and when they ask about it you don’t know what to say.

You’re so well aware of the rot and your art decline which coincides with your mental decline but you bring those up in passing. Because you don’t realize how bad the slow burn is, like putting a frog in water and slowly heating it up until it dies without realizing it. And this is all because you were convincing yourself that you couldn’t be this exhausted you don’t have math this year. And that’s what keeps you going. Not having math. And you notice, you notice how you’re still so so fucking exhausted but you tell yourself to keep going or how it’s not that bad because you don’t have math. This was supposed to be a better year for fucks sake but it wasn’t. And you can’t tell why. I got rid of the biggest contributor of my misery so why, why has everything gotten so much worse? Why have I gotten more miserable? Why has my art gotten worse? Less recognizable? So much more claustrophobic and boring and so so awful? It’s not fair

It’s so not fucking fair why do I have to go through this. Why do I have to deal with periods, why do I have to deal with boobs and a disgusting voice and hips and thighs of a fucking woman why do I have to deal with this body I didn’t even fucking want. Why do I have to deal with this mental decline. Why do I have to deal with my artistic decline while everyone else has “Highschool problems”. But you know that’s not true. You know your friends only want you to see what they can make light of, you know they’re problems are so so much deeper than they let on but you’re always such a vindictive and selfish person you think their problems aren’t as bad as yours and that’s so so untrue so you keep those thoughts in your head and ohhhh you can’t even get started on your physical pains your knee still hurts from when your dog and this German Shepard collided with it and it’s been months.

But it still hurts and when your at a dog park and a bunch of dogs start running at you you feel the panic and the indescribable pain you felt that day. But that’s not all, your knee hurts but it’s gotten to hurting your leg as a whole too, in your aerobics class you can’t do certain things anymore because your stupid fucking knee hurts too much and uts not fucking fair because it happened months ago so why why why fucking why does it still hurt. And then there’s the headaches oh the headaches and so much more health issues you can’t even fucking remember and the doctors did nothing about but make referrals to check SOME of them. But it’s whatever! It’s not like I feel like I’m constantly fighting for air when I’m at school, it’s not like the inhaler that I have barely helps it’s fucking WHATEVER.

And all you want is for someone to take you seriously, to not joke about any of this, to actually fucking see you but everyone is a emotionally stunted teenager and you can’t even blame them because you’re the one who constantly makes jokes and deflects and who can’t put your feelings into word

Until the last fucking second

When all of it has happened and will continue to happen

Who will save you from this fucking depressive episode. No one because you didn’t tell them anything but at least you’re writing it down now so next time you see your therapist you can finally. Finally. Work on this whole fucking issue

What’s the point of me going through this? The first half of 2023 while by no means perfect was such a wonderful time of artistic expression. And of course the rotting was still very very there at least at that time my art felt good. It felt amazing. Will it be like this again this year? An amazing first half and debilitating second half? Is it because of daylight savings? I wouldn’t be wrong in that assessment I’ve said multiple times how much night coming quicker severely depresses me. If I was somewhere that actually snowed I wouldn’t mind as much because then I can have a winter moment or fucking something butNO I got to be born in cali fucking fornia where there’s no seasons and by the time I move out there will be no seasons left in this fucking world because our world leaders and corporations will have fucked it all up

It’s not fair, none of this is fair. I shouldn’t have to deal with any of this, why me. Of all people, out of every person in this world. You could have given all this baggage to some rich person who would be able to make it all go away. But no. You just HAD to give it to someone in poverty! And not only that you made them trans and gay and to add insult to injury you gave them depression anxiety adhd autism and so much trauma they can barely function. What was the point of making me like this. I know I’m not kind to my ocs, but why did god have to be a 12 year old girl? Can she even hear me, does she even care. But blaming everything on an entity that isn’t even sure to exist is such a pussy move. Those to blame are those who have hurt me, those who made the school system like that, those who downplay mental illness. Everyone. Except me. Who’s to say all of this isn’t my fault, was I that bad of a child that I Inadvertently gave myself all of this

I hate all of this, I know I’m responsible for everything but goddamnit

This body this mind this psyche is so fucking repulsive these hands can’t even draw anything interesting. This voice isn’t mine. This face isn’t fully mine. This chest is not mine and never will be. These thighs and these hips are so woman like but I’m not a woman I’m a little boy I shouldn’t have this body I should no chest and tinier hips, less womanly thighs

And it’s funny because this body is that of a grown woman but this voice and face is that of a little girls. It’s disgusting. This almagamation of a child and adult on the cusp of being a woman but still just a little girl but I’m not I’m not I’m not I’m not I don’t want to be a girl I hate being a girl I hate it I hate it I hate it why do boys at my school get to be born as boys but I’m stuck in this mature body I didn’t want to start puberty at 11 I should’ve started at 13 or 14 or whenever cis boys start. Why do I have to develop early.

Why couldn’t I have it later, why couldn’t my mom put me on puberty blockers why why why I shouldn’t have had to deal with a puberty that was never meant for me. I need to start testosterone I need it so bad I can’t handle this anymore I hate being a girl I hate being a woman it was never meant for me. I want to be feminine in the way cis twinks are, do cis gays even realize how lucky they are? Will they ever? Being able to live comfortably in a body that was meant for you. Why do you get to have that but I don’t. You don’t deserve it. I deserve it. Why do I have to fight for everything that was given to you I hate this body so much i hate you so much I hate you I hate you I hate you

And how jealous I get when you and blue or literally friends I spend a lot of time w spend their time w other people. It's such a disgusting desire to want to be the only person that my obsessions ever talk to I hate it I hate it so so fucking much, and I want to be loved so bad and I am loved so why why is it so difficult to see that I am. Is it because of my immense depression and trauma that makes me feel like people don't mean it or my disassociation disorder that makes it feel unreal or.

Is it because my standard of love is so so high because I'm such an obsessive piece of fucking shit that I want people to practically worship and adore me. That I want to be the only one who matters in someone's life even though I hate HATE being the sole person who's focused on in a relationship? What is it that I want. is it in the middle? That I want to be the most important, fun, interesting and good friend anyone's ever known but they still have others that they love but never as much as they love me? Is that it Evan? You just want to be the most important person in the world to someone? But aren't you already? I am but it doesn't feel real, how can I know they're being honest Evan? How can I know that they're even real? How do I even do it Evan.

I know theres many people who love me and matt loves me so so much he's said it multiple times so what's stopping me Evan. What is preventing me from accepting it fully? Evan, it's your ego. That stupid good for nothing fragile wall that is your ego. That's the reason for all of this. But wouldn't it also be my disassociation? Evan, it's my belief they're connected.

Your disassociation was set up by your ego to make it stronger against the very real threats you were going through at home. I get that but, that can't be it can it? There has to be more factors in this, but so what if there is. All we need to know is that you'll never be capable of truly believing and feeling people's love

It will come to you sporadically, and you'll be able to fully believe you are loved. But it'll never be permanent. Yet you expect people to believe you when you say you adore them or love them, just like with people telling you they love you, but at least with your love you know it's true and while some moments feel more normal you'll always get those (much less) sporadic waves of adoration and worship. It's funny to me how badly you want them to cut you and hurt you and how badly you want to do the same. How you want to isolate them and yourself from everyone and have it just be you three.

You never want them to leave you, and who knows what'll happen if they do. It's not like you'd kill yourself of course, or hurt anybody. But I know losing them, due to their own decisions and not through death will break you. You'll never recover from it, or maybe you'll completely deflect from it and lead a normal life but years later youll sit in your apartment and it'll all come crashing down and youll be so useless and pathetic in those next few days, weeks hell even months. But that'll only happen if you're able to see them in real life right? I mean.

Even with your sister as much as you despise her you still love her. But no matter how much you love somebody I just, I can't see you being the type to really care that much when they die. You'll feel a gaping hole sure but, you'll maybe cry at the funeral and just move on. Or is it just that the ego wall with the disassociation has made you feel numb and nothing. Is that how you got through this semester? The "it's not that bad" and "gotta keep going" attitude mixed in with the numbness? It's late, you're not making sense Evan. But I will, once you figure out how to tie everything together. Just like you always do, my little starlight. I hope you die Evan. Y yo a tí, mí estrella

What a disgusting waste of two hours, how shameful am I undeserving and better left for dead. I'm glad you hope for the same thing as I do, even though you're just me talking to myself like some edgy freak. God we really don't deserve anything, I don't know why I'm still talking Evan. You're asleep, Matt's asleep. Evan when will I get to see you again, I know youre just figment of my imagination, the personification of my opposing thoughts. I'm surprised you didn't come as asuka, hell you don't even have a physical form just my name.

I'm still confused about what happened between me and asuka me, it was so much more... involuntary than what we did. It felt like a deep part of my subconscious was ripping me from the inside out, but you. You're just...you're what I'm used to I guess. Ohh three hours talking about all of this, what a load of bullshit matt is gonna wake up to. That one line about how bad this year was really just made me realize huh. Evan? I don't know why I want you to respond again, I know I probably can since you're not real.

Just a part of my thoughts, but I can't. I can't bring you fully back out like I did earlier, I can still hear echos of you calling me starlight but that's..that's it. Why aren't you coming back, wake up man come on you can't. You can't just leave me, you were supposed to keep me company while matt slept. Whyd you go back to my subconscious Evan, you should be here with me. with your opposing views, and shit. This is such edgy teenager bullshit, you're not even real. I hate you so much. More than anything. Is it because you're me? Or is it because you left me?will you come back to me soon Evan? What a shameful waste of three hours we are

#vent

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tyrramint · 2 years

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Ahhh. Well. Here we go again. Back to feeling very not-normal about the Amphibia finale.

I’m fine.

I’ll be on the floor feeling soulless if anyone needs me.

#Drawing gay people before pride month is over here I come 😈#But…gay people or Spranne first #What a conundrum. Gay people is always a win….but spranne….#Spranne is also always a win #I think I need to do Spranne.#Spranne reunion is all that keeps me going.#They are the siblings ever 😭#AND THEN GAY PEOPLE #You know what we’re going to do? Pride month part two. July I’m looking at you 😈#Many gay people will be drawn in July.#And always because ✨every day is pride month✨#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #Marcy wu #lgbtq #queer

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erskye · 3 years

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Oh goddess so many jokes I wanna say so I’ll go through them:

1) the rituals constructed to touch other men are so intimate

2) Yosuke, being flirted with openly: is this how besties act?

2) Teasing Yu is one my favorite Yu’s you’ve drawn. Also like, yosuke just fucking melts like a popsicle in July, he ain’t fooling anyone but himself.

ha. gay people

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troped-fanfic-challenge · 3 years

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JATP ROUND ONE FICS!

We received FOURTEEN (14!) mythical angsty coffee-filled Fics for the First Round of the 1st JATP TROPED Event! These fics were super creative, and we loved to see how you all challenged yourselves with the theme, tropes, and pairings!

Please try to read as many fics as you can, take some notes, leave some kudos/comments for the authors, and get ready to help us vote on the winners!

Voting will begin on Monday, April 26th at 12:00am EST and end Wednesday, April 28th at 11:59pm EST.

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the sky was gray and white and (cloudy) (Rated T) [Alex x Willie]

Summary: “I’ve got you,” Willie’s whispering over and over, panic creeping into his voice. “Alex, I’ve got you, okay? Come on, baby, come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay, I love you--”

Alex spits out what feels like a clot of blood and gives Willie a tired grin, probably looking completely insane.

“That’s pretty gay of you,” he says, just as his vision clouds over and he passes out.

Honey, You're Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Luke works at a coffee shop, which is normal, quietly pines after his coworker, which is normal, and also occasionally steals people's faces without really meaning to.

It's probably that last part that moves him pretty solidly out of the "normal" territory.

But that's fine, that's totally cool.

He's handling it super well.

You Can't Value People Less Than a Good, Hot Cup of Bean Juice (It Just Seems Rude) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Julie gets a job at a coffee stand in the middle of nowhere.

It'll help to pass the time, if nothing else.

And if there's a cute guy who works the shift after her and sometimes leaves her ridiculously endearing messages on an ancient tape recorder?

Well, that's just a bonus.

honest to god I’ll break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart (Rated T) [Julie x Luke]

Summary: Julie wakes up with a start. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and there is a loud crashing noise. The sheets beneath her feel rough against her skin. She shivers, when a breeze meets her naked skin. She must have left the window open when she went to bed last night. She opens her eyes. The room is dark around her, but the glow in the dark stars, she stuck on her ceiling when she was a kid, are shimmering brighter than ever before.

or: the siren!Julie AU no one asked for

new instincts (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie]

Summary: Reggie is fine with being the only human member of his band, Julie and the Phantoms (tell your friends!), just like he’s fine with being the only single member. It doesn’t make him feel lonely, and he’s only picking up more shifts at the coffee shop because he needs more money, not because he’s avoiding being alone. And picking up more shifts at the coffee shop is making the work easier! He’s only a little confused by the fact that he can now touch the espresso machine mid shift without burning himself… must be all of the experience.

you look like you've just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?) (Rated T) [Bobby x Alex x Luke x Reggie]

Summary: When Bobby woke up that Friday morning, he wasn’t expecting to have horns. Who would? There was absolutely no reason to expect horns to just start growing out of his temples, but there they were anyway.

He stared in silent shock at the little nubs in the mirror. They were only an inch or two big, but pointy and a little fuzzy when he poked at them.

Well, at least they weren’t fully grown yet.

(or: it's angsty tiefling bobby time, folks!)

We Are Monsters, We Are Proud (Rated G) [Flynn x Carrie, Julie x Luke]

Summary: The clock is striking thirteen

It's time to scream your team

We don't have to say goodbye

'Cause friends like these will never die

Carrie finds herself at a college like no other in search of her dad and some answers.

Julie's not feeling good and maybe staring at roses wasn't the best idea.

Monster College/Coffeeshop AU

sending forth their beautiful voice, and my heart was fain to listen (Rated G) [Julie x Carrie]

Summary: Months after the death of her mom, Julie prepares to sing again and makes an upsetting discovery.

rise from the ashes (Rated M) [Alex x Willie]

Summary: At a time when everything was going wrong for Alex, the one bright spot in his life was the charming barista at the coffee shop he frequented. At least, it was the bright spot until everything went up in flames. All he could do was hope that they could rise from the ashes and figure things out together.

Siren's Song (Rated T) [Ray x Rose]

Summary: The Scopuli was never meant to be a permanent arrangement. Rose had taken the job straight out of school just looking to make a little extra money before the tour kicked off.

That was four years ago.

After a string of bad luck befalls Rose and the Petal Pushers, she can't help but wonder if she is the problem. Or is there something more sinister at play?

Yellow (Rated T) [Julie & Reggie]

Summary: Reggie picked up his apron and polo. Julie returned, this time hiding behind Alex. He held a pair of metal pastry tongs out in front of him like a weapon. One of his arms was extended protectively in front of Julie.

“Alex, Julie, what are you doing?” Reggie cleared his throat; his voice was deep and gruff, like he was developing a cold.

Julie and Alex startled. Julie glanced down at her nametag. Alex readjusted his footing and his grip on the tongs.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know who you are, dude, but you have got to leave.”

Reggie just wanted to get some new guitar strings. A shapeshifter!Reggie au

Angels Like You (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie]

Summary: Reggie is having a bit of a weird day. It gets worse when he figures out that it's because he died in his sleep and has somehow been walking around as a ghost without realising it. Meeting Luke helps. Luke says he's a fellow ghost, and there is something about him that Reggie just feels drawn to. Falling for him is the easiest thing Reggie has ever done, but Luke is a little more than he lets on, and it turns out that their story actually started long before Reggie thought it did.

look into my eyes (it's where my demons hide) (Rated T) [Flynn x Carrie]

Summary: Hiding out from demons was never a desirable nightmare. Of course, Carrie would much prefer a run-for-my-life nightmare than actually running for her life. Having Flynn around is a very welcome soothing balm, though.

Bring All The Monsters Out To Play, Let All The Red Erase The Grey (Rated T) [Bobby & Reggie]

Summary: Mythologicals, Reggie realised, were kind of like queer people. Sometimes your Token Human friend turns around one day and admits that actually, there was something they were suppressing all along, and they hadn’t realised.

Reggie’s final exam has been pushed forward at the most inconvenient time. Bobby is sick, Alex is missing, and now he needs to help a selkie get their ‘Happily-Ever-After’ in order to scrape a passing grade. Oh, and if his boss catches him handing out more free coffee, he’s gonna get fired.

#troped: jatp #round 1: angst #jatp fanfiction #submissions #round 1 submissions

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ct-hardcase · 3 years

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ID: A 3 by 4 tiled square, with each tile containing an artwork I've created in the year 2021. Each artwork is labelled with the month it was made in.

I've decided even if tumblr is shadowbanning all new posts from their tags that I'm just going to post it and re-reblog a few times anyway.

My commentary, for anyone interested:

January: I straight-up spent most of a month working on this drawing alone. I'm still pretty proud of the general vibes and how it came out in the end, but I learned that I should really, really work on composition. A lot of working with this one was figuring out how the figures would balance with each other, the fire, and the trees. It still turned out well, but I could've spent a lot less time working on it if it weren't for that. February: I also drew some rwby that month (it seems so long since we've gotten any new RWBY episodes which isn't a knock on the crew, but a knock on the passage of time), but I decided to drop my picture of Voe here. I feel like I need to use Luke's Jedi Temple Grounds as a background at least once a year, and also, Voe! Fun fact: the twitter crop cut off right at where the water begins in the slightly uncensored version, hence the hastily-added bandeau to make it clear that it wasn't a blatantly nsfw art. March: I was feeling stagnant about my art (when am I not, recently?) so I did a screenshot redraw again, and though it was loose and sketchy, I really enjoyed the vibes of this one—I think it was the catalyst that pushed me into finally buying a new paint program that was a bit beefier than medibang paint. The reception on this one was also fantastic compared to the usual Eighth Brother art, so I think people just like screenshot redraws haha. April: Pyreny!!!! I've been shipping this pretty much since Pyre and Tierny glanced in each other's directions on Star Wars: Resistance, so I decided to finally put a piece of finished art to it. I really love how this one came out, and it might even be my favorite of the year. Once again, composition is key, and I was worried I had too much negative space in the bg, but the window took care of that. Also, this is one of the first times I've done a full interior background and I really love how it turned out. Also, Sumalee Montano thought it was cool, which is a pretty big plus and ego boost. May: Is it really a year if I don't do something for a long-dead fandom? Anyway, it was nice to take a crack at John and Christopher again and some good old fashioned repressed gay romance. June: This was a fun art month for me—work was less busy and I had inspiration in spades since I'd just gotten a new paint program. There are a few solid contenders from this month, but the vibes of this one could not be beat. Also, it's nice to draw something for inquisitors who get less attention. Also, I'd forgotten how proportions worked for this and the next month? References were my lifeline. July: This one's simple (save the anatomy and perspective practice) but I like it and it looks like other people liked it too. August: I threw this together for Remembering Resistance week in about a day since I had no inspiration up until that point. The proportions are sort of wack, but it turned out cute and okay all things considered. I have to throw this one in as an honorable mention, but I really did not want three inquisitor ones in a row, so. September: Sometimes you just want to draw your ship kissing but not spend an entire month on it. Also, I remember about once a year that I enjoy two-toned art so this was fun. Once again, the effort piece of the month was an inquisitor but five in a row would've been ridiculous, so pyreny it is. October: This is where the year got busy, and time (and inspiration) to draw was a precious thing. I really enjoy this one though, so I'm glad that I got to draw one good thing that month. This was the year of referencing poses, and I think that this one produced a quality product. Also, fun fact. I've drawn Eighth many times, but his armor is still a pain in the ass every time you try to draw it from a new position. November: This month was rough, buddy, but at least I drew Luke's Jedi. December: Also a rough month. Low on art inspiration, and though I've done a few sketches, no finished product. This one that I've posted is the closest I've gotten, and it's a bit of a self-indulgent sketch, so no post here. Ultimately,

the end goal for 2022 is to dedicate more time for/have more time to do art. Have more inspiration. If my motivation isn't to draw fanart, to draw original stuff. To branch out. To work on my linework. To draw more ocs. To draw more star wars. To draw more stuff that's not star wars. I just want to draw.

#art summary 2021 #art summary #apparently tumblr is banning the longe poste tag so apologies if the readmore doesn't work for you #CTartcase

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 4 years

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10 More Little Details from JATP.

I made this post a few days ago about all the little details I had spotted in JATP and I said that there were probably more that I had missed, well I found more that I missed. Again most of these are probably old news to most people but they are new to me and I always get excited about the details, the nitty gritty of a show and I over analyse everything so I figured I would share all my thoughts with you guys. Obviously there are spoilers. I’m going to start off with some smaller details first just some funny little things I spotted then we can take a trip down the rabbit hole and really go crazy with the whole over analysing thing.

1) Starstruck.

Hey you remember this truly iconic and amazing scene where Willie and Alex literally fall for each other?

Well I think considering how much chemistry was going on in that scene I can be forgiven for not noticing this at first but the star on the ground next to them has the name Dave Hoge written on it and I kept thinking the name sounded familiar.

Then I remembered that David Hoge is the name of one of the producers on the show so I think this is in relation to him unless there’s another Dave Hoge that I don’t know about.

2) Post It’s.

Speaking of little details floating around in the background. If you’ve read my other posts I talked about how Luke’s missing person poster was behind him when he was eating the hotdog. Well there’s another interesting poster right next to it. Unfinished business at the orpheum. Also note that the date on the unfinished poster is Dec 1994 and we know that Luke ran away from home in december which coupled with its proximity to his missing persons poster makes me think that his unfinished business has something to do with his parents.

Also later in episode 3 when Alex and Willie are talking on the bench there are so more fun posters behind them.

Ok so if you can pull your eyes away from the beauty of Willex for a moment (I know its hard) you can see that one of the posters says detention and a second that says Small Dark Room and again mentions the orpheum. Obviously this is a throwback to when the boys were detained in a small dark room before being pulled back into the world by Julie. But another thing worth noting is that the Small Dark Room poster has a purple background and you are going to get tired of me saying this but purple is associated with magic, know of any magician’s in the show? I can’t help but wonder if Caleb was actually keeping them detained in that room for some reason waiting until he needed them, the purple could indicate that magic was what trapped them there.

3) Poisoned Hotdogs?

One of the theories I had was that the boys didn’t die from food posioning but that Caleb had actually heard them play whilst they were alive and decided that he wanted the band right there and then, so he posessed Sam the hot dog guy and actually poisoned the boys. Since then I have found some evidence that might back up that theory. If you look again at that detention poster above, undeneath in yellow writing is the word toxic. So the posters if you put them all together actually spell out a sequence of events, Toxic as in the boys are poisoned, detention and small dark room as in they were trapped in the small dark room, unfinished business, they come back and are released from that small dark room because they have unfinished business. Still not convinced? Well how about this in the episode when they find out about Bobby, Luke is wearing a shirt that says poison on the back. Coincidence? Hmm I think not.

4) Tell Me What You’re Longing For.

So in episode 2 when Julie comes home and finds the boys in her room each of them seem to be obsessing over a particular object. On the surface this just seems like a funny scene but when you look a bit deeper the objects that each of the boys choose actually says a lot about each of their characters and where they are at mentally and emotionally in that moment.

Alex for example has fixated on the photo of Julie and her mum and is trying to pick it up. It seems to me that Alex has chosen this particualr object because its what he longs for with his own parents. In the photo its a happy little girl and her mother is kissing her and showing her affection. Also the boys know a little about Julie’s mum at this point and so they know how supportive and loving she was to Julie. We know that after Alex told them he was gay his parents, well Luke says they were never cool again, but we can guess that they didn’t show Alex much love and affection after that. This obviously would have really hurt Alex. Another reason why I don’t think Alex got much affection from his parents is because when Julie was crying after singing Wake Up Alex’s first instinct was to hug her, he also reprimands the boys for not hugging him when he was crying in that room for 25 years, this shows that a hug was something that he wanted. Also he always seems surprised whenever Willie would take his hand like its something he’s not used to. He hesitates before hugging Willie in episode 9 seeming to be conflicted and unsure before he finally gives in and just sinks into Willie, I mean to me it just seemed so desperate like he needed that contact but because he was never really hugged by his parents he is unsure about whether its ok or not. Also the most telling of all is also in episode 9 when he asks if they can try that hug thing again. Basically I don’t think Alex’s parents hugged him enough if at all and so when he sees that photo of a mother showing love to her child he is drawn to it as its something he has always wanted.

If we move onto Luke, he is trying to get his hands on Julie’s dream box. Again this is really in line with his character. We know that Luke is all about following your dreams. Also we find out that Julie stores her song lyrics in that box and we all know how passionate Luke is about writing and music. I do find it kinda funny that Luke zeros in on the one thing in the room that’s connected to Julie’s music. It’s like he’s got a radar that could sense that that was where Julie had hidden her music away. Also in my previous post I mentioned the connection between Caleb and Greek Mythology well this could be another nod at Greek Mythology. It could be a nod to pandora’s box. Today pandora’s box has a lot of negative connotations around it, how many times have you been warned not to do something in case you open pandora’s box? It’s this idea that bad things will be let into the world. However in the myth Pandora shuts the box and locks hope inside of it. The myth tells us that its this hope that helps the humans get through all of the hardships that had come from the box so it does kinda have a happy ending or I should say a hopeful ending. It’s interesting to me that Julie says that the box is just full of things that don’t make her sad. Julie has all of the bad things out in the world with her and has locked hope away in that box. Just like Zeus says to Pandora, Julie tells Luke not to open the box, and just like Pandora, Luke ignores her and does open that box. When he does he releases hope and happiness back into Julie’s life. But its not just Julie that locks her emotions up, Luke does too. He is ignoring his feeling about his parents and his regrets, he trys to ignore his feelings about Julie too, however one emotion he does let out is his anger at Bobby. I think when it comes to Luke you could say that he himself is the box but that he is the opposite of Julie in the sense that he’s keeping all of these negative emotions trapped inside and has locked hope out. Julie is the one who opens that box for him and lets those emotions go when she helps him feel connected to his parents, before he thought he had no hope of ever being able to make things right with them again but Julie shows him that he can. She does it again when all the boys have resigned themselves to their fate because they don’t think there is any hope that they’ll be able to play the orpheum and therefore complete their unfinished business. But then Julie shows up to snap them out of it and remind them that there is still hope and not to give up. She comes up with a plan and gives hope back to them just as they did for her. We know that Luke longs for a connection to people through music and this is exactly what he gets from that box he finds a connection to Julie through their joint pain at losing their mothers, the pain that helps them write the songs for the band and eventually find hope.

Ok so then we come to Reggie. At first glance it doesn’t look like Reggie is doing anything at all, I mean he’s just laying on the bed. But actually this too can be significant to his character. He’s not just laying on the bed he is stroking the bed sheets and looks very relaxed and content, he’s got his eyes closed and he’s just enjoying the comfort he’s feeling. I think this tells us that what Reggie is longing for is home. Reggie seems to enjoy anything to do with the home. We know that Reggie likes to spend his time more in the house with Julie’s family than he does out in the studio. He also made that comment about liking showers and the occasional bath, I don’t know about you guys but when I think about home I think about warm baths and cozy beds and hanging out with my family, those home comforts so to speak. These are all the things that Reggie is drawn to. Also if you think about the country song he wrote its called Home is Where My Horse Is. Again he’s thinking about home. The scene where the boys get emotional about Ray talking to Rose is also significant. I mean when you think about this is a man who is talking about his home and the memories he made there with his family and who is faced with leaving his home when he clearly doesn’t want to leave. Reggie’s reaction to this is to go back to his own home, to go see his parents. When he gets there its to find his home is gone. We know this hurts him because it comes up again later when they find out Bobby has stolen their songs, after Luke says it’s not about the money Reggie points out that if Bobby has shared with their families maybe his home wouldn’t have been turned into a bike shop. Losing his home is hitting Reggie hard and so when they all return to Julie’s room the thing that draws Reggie in is that feeling you get from being in bed at home.

Each object the the boys choose are representing what each of the boy is longing for most. Alex longs for a loving parent, Luke longs for a connection to someone through music and Reggie is longing for home.

5) Gone with the Wind.

This is one that is probably really obvious but in episode 1 when julie goes to the studio as she opens the doors a breeze rushes out. We know from the fact that she apologises for not going there that this is likely the first time she has visited since her mom died. I think this breeze is like her mother’s spirit is rushing out and into the world.

You can see that the breeze is moving from the inside out from the direction Julie’s shirt is rippling. I like to think that once her spirit was released Rose got to work right away putting all those little clues/ dahlias about the place.

6) Sunflowers.

In episode 9 within the first few minutes we get several images of sunflowers.

First when Alex is talking to Willie there’s some flowers outside of a shop, then when they go into the Orpheum’s office place there’s a vase of sunflowers on the desk, when they get back to the studio you can see that there is another vase of sunflowers on the unit behind the boys and then finally Julie is wearing a top with a sunflower on it. Sunflowers represent loyalty and are also another connection to greek mythology. The story of the origin of the sunflower goes that a woman named Clytie fell in love with the sun god Apollo. There are different versions of the myth and in some versions Apollo loves her back but then falls in love with someone else and in others he never loves her back. But in every version the outcome is the same Clytie is turned into a sunflower and she is so in love and loyal to Apollo that she continues to watch him fly across the sky in his chariot every day. This is why sunflowers are associated with adoration and loyalty. But the Myth also tells the story of loving or wanting something that you can’t have. This theme comes up alot in the show. First with Julie and Luke, its that star crossed love, they have feeling for each other but one’s a ghost and the other is a lifer. But I actually think the sunflowers are a hint at what was to come in the episode. Afterall the yellow of the sunflower is symbolic of friendship so I actually think Caleb is the one that wants something he can’t have. He wants the band but ultimately he can’t have the band because of the loyalty and friendship they have with Julie.

7) It’s All About The Accessories.

Another thing I noticed on rewatch is that several of the characters have necklaces that might have some significance. The first I want to talk about is Luke. Luke is nearly always wearing this necklace.

I think the only time he isn’t wearing it is at the end of episode 9 when he is that suit outfit. Now I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on semi-precious stones because I’m not but I do have an interest in them and their symbolism and properties. I’m fairly sure (though not certain) that this is Agate, or more specifically Black Agate. Now if I’m right and this is Agate then it could have some really interesting symbolism. Agate is used as a grounding stone, it’s suppose to help keep you grounded and balanced. It brings stability. We know that something is grounding the boys to this earth, to be clear I’m not saying its the stone but that the stone is symbolic of that connection that is keeping them here and connected to Julie. Agate is also suppose to help with emotional trauma and black agate is often given in times of bereavement to help ease the pain of grief. We know that Luke is grieving about losing his mother and father and seeing them grieve for him, so its really interesting to me that he is wearing a stone that is meant to help ease that pain as that is exactly what happens, through his song Unsaid Emily he is able to bring some comfort to his parents and ease their pain, in doing so he also eases his own pain. Another propeity of agate is that its suppose to protect agaisnt evil curses. Again this connects to Caleb and the curse he puts on the boys and how ultimately that curse is broken, Julie protects the boys with her love. So I think this stone not only represents Luke but also represents Julie and how she protects and brings comfort to the boys and Luke in particular. Another interesting thing about Agate is that it is closely related to the moon. Why is that interesting you might ask well because of this...

Julie is also nearly always wearing the same necklaces, one I think is a saint or virgin mary, the second is her name with a flower, which I think indicates the deep connection she has with her mother and the third has moons. The moon is often associated with magic and like said agate is closely related to the moon, It is another link between Luke and Julie and the ‘magic’ that connects them. I mentioned in that previous post that Julie often wears the colour purple which is also associated with magic but more on that later. Again I think its really interesting that both Julie and Luke wear necklaces that can be connected to the other.

But I don’t think they are the only characters that wear necklaces that might be linked. The next one I want to talk about is Willie.

We often see Willie wearing this key on a chain around his neck. The most obvious symbolism here is that Willie is the key to something. It could be that it symbolised how Willie was the key to bringing the boys to the Hollywood Ghost Club or the fact that he was the key to finding out more about the ghost world in general, I mean Alex and by extension the boys learn alot from Willie. I like to think its also because he is the key to Alex’s heart but that’s probs just my shipper heart influencing me. Another thing it could symbolise is maybe Willie is the key to their unfinished business somehow. I am really curious to know what the key goes to I mean keys unlock things. Like...

you know padlocks. I do think there might be some connection between one character wearing a key and another a padlock which is opened by a key. It could be a hint that Willie and Flynn will have some kind of connection, maybe they will have to work out a mystery together or act as a team to help the band and the only way they can do it is by working together. I also think the fact that Flynn is wearing the padlock is signifcant. Padlocks to me represent safety and security, you put a padlock on something that you want to protect or keep secure. Interestingly the name William means protector or warrior. I do think that Willie and Flynn will have an important role to play in protecting the band. Ok so next lets talk about Alex.

Alex also has a necklace that he wears often. His is a simple gold chain. But again I think it has some symbolism to his character. Chains have been a symbol of everlasting love and life since ancient times, its the circle that never ends. We are all pretty sure that its the bands everlasting love that saves them from Caleb in the end. Also Willie’s love for Alex (and yes I’m saying love) is what leads to Willie trying to save them too. But chains also have a negative connotation, one of opression. As I talked about earlier Alex has been judged for being gay and likely faced alot of opression due to his sexual orientation. Chains are also symbolic of inprisonment which again links into Caleb’s plan to trap the boys at his club. Gold is also associated with purity as it never tarnishes or rusts and well is there a more pure soul than Alex’s? Something else that is interesting is that in many cultures gold was used in burials as it is said to protect the souls in the afterlife which is similar to Luke’s Agate necklace which is also used during times of bereavement. Another thing that is similar between Gold and Agate is that gold is also said to protect against curses and is often related to magic. So lastly we have Reggie.

Gonna be honest this one was a little harder and I spent a little while studying the necklace and doing a little bit of research, the reason why this one was harder is because there seem to be three different materials at play here. There’s the light blue beads, the dark blue beads (which I thought were black at first they’re not) and the metal pendant. But lets start with the light blue beads, to me they look the most like blue calcite. Again not an expert but if it is blue calcite it again has some interesting symbolism to it because blue calcite is often used to enhance psychic powers so that you can commune with the spiritual world. I mean obviously this is symbolic of the fact that Julie is able to see and communicate with our ghostly boys. The dark blue beads I think are lapis lazuli, again if I’m correct then this is another stone that is used during burial because it is thought to protect and guide spirits in the after life. It also like gold and agate is said to protect, it protects you agaisnt psychic attack and said to be able to block curses. The metal pendant was the hardest part for me, at first I thought maybe it was silver but to me it looks too dark and dull to be silver. What it could be though is lead. And yup you guessed it lead is also linked to death as well as spells.

So yeah pretty much every character has a necklace that has some kind of symbolism around it and even more curious than that alot of them can be connected to each other. All three of the boys have stones or metals that are meant to protect and are associated with both death and spellwork. Those stones also link back to the moon. The other thing worth pointing out is that Willie also wears a shell necklace which obviously can be connected to the ocean which is also connected to the moon. Gold can be connected to the sun and Lapis Lazuli is also often connected to the sun, the sun is often connected to the moon as they both represent cycles and opposites, willie wears a key that connects to Flynn’s padlock, basically all of them can be connected to each other in some way. But of course I could be reading way too much into this and they’re really are just pretty necklaces.

8) Cats and Dogs.

Speaking of accessories I do want to go back and focus on Flynn again for a moment. One thing I noticed about Flynn is that its not just the padlock that is a consistent thing with her outfits. She is often also dressed in clothing that has cat prints. She also has cats on her backpack and in episode 2 she wears a necklace with a cat on it along with her padlock necklace.

Rmemeber earlier when I said I thought Flynn would play the part of a sort of protector to the band well as you can see Flynn often wears leopard print, in African lore the leopard is said to be the guardian of the dead and is said to show the way to the next realm. There is a similar myth in Ancient Eygptian culture through the cat goddess Bastet, whilst she had many forms throughout time and many duties one of which was to protect and guide. Another interesting thing about this goddess is that she was also the goddess of women’s secrets. We know that Flynn is the only one that Julie told about the band. Also leopards are seen as a counselor in the spirit animal world a role that Flynn often plays for Julie. The leopard represents your psychic self and future telling. Again this fits Flynn’s story as it is her who figures out that Julie’s mother is leaving signs and working behind the scenes so to speak.

But whilst it seems to me that cat’s are more heavily associated with Flynn’s character its not the only animal that can be linked to Flynn. She also is sometimes seen with dog imagery. She sometimes carries a dog purse.

Since ancient times dogs have been considered to be psychic and also able to see ghosts. This could be a hint that in season 2 Flynn will also be able to see the boys. Also like the cat the dog in ancient greek mythology is associated with the dead and is also a guardian for the afterlife, hades has a three headed dog named cerberus that guards the gates to the afterlife.

Other cat/ dog imagery can be seen in those posters I mentioned earlier.

Of course this could all be just a coincidence and might not mean anything at all. But what else is interesting about these posters is if you look at the cat one again, it’s accompanied by a poster showing someone playing music and what to me looks like a spirit type thing appearing. Then there’s the one with the cat right under it which is interesting because the poster says mammoth offspring on it but that defo looks like a cat to me not a mammoth. As a slight tangent though the mammoth thing could be a reference to the talk about bringing the wooly mammoth back from extiction, its symbolic of that idea of bringing back to life something that has been long dead. Anyway under that there’s a poster of a woman with a moon in the sky and the words acting moon. Cats are often closely related to the moon and both the moon and cats are closely related to witchcraft. What does that matter you might ask? Well...

9) So we’re going with witch?

Remember that hilarious scene in episode 1 when the boys are discussing how Julie got all her stuff in their studio so fast Reggie offers up the suggestion that Julie is a witch because there are chairs floating on the ceiling. Luke is inclined to agree with him at first before Alex shoots them down. I think this is another one of those scenes where you just think its a funny moment but then when you think about it makes perfect sense. I mean I legit think Julie is a witch, or at least she has some kind of magic. There are so many things that link her with magic. I already talked earlier about the moon necklace she wears. But she also has a moon on her jeans in episode 1.

Again the moon is heavily linked with magic. Also there is the fact that her companion Flynn seems to be linked to cats and witches often have cats as companions/ familiars.

As I said earlier the colour purple is representative of magic well the first time Julie makes the boys appear to an audience in Bright the light that the technician sets on her is purple meaning Julie literally glows purple before she does this magical act of making the boys visible.

A similar thing happens before their performance for Finally free though its not as intense. But you can see that purple glow around her.

And again, whilst its more subtle, for Edge of Great when Julie is coming out of the studio the light in the studio is purple and once again she appears to be glowing purple.

Also this would again put her as an equal rival for Caleb. We know that he is a magician so in my opinion it would make sense for Julie to posess some kind of magic, like I said her and Caleb are opposite sides of the same coin. So yeah in conclusion Reggie and Luke are right Julie is a witch.

Edit: Also I forgot to add this one in but in episode 9 she is wearing a top that says ‘Mystic Child’ on it along with flowers and moons and stars.

10) All Eyes On Bobby.

So the final thing I want to talk about is Bobby/ Trevor. Don’t ask me why because I would not be able to tell you but I can’t help but be intrigued by his character. I wonder why he did what he did, why did he steal the songs and not give the others any credit? Did he grieve his friends? Or are they trying to paint him as like this villian who doesn’t care about anyone? Well I actually think we can get some answers to these questions from a rather interesting place. His daughter’s song All Eyes On Me. If you take some of the lyrics and put them in a different context I really do think they can be linked back to Bobby. There are several connotations to stealing, ‘I'm stealing all the attention’ or another one is ‘Stealing looks, it's robbery’ and another one ‘ I'm taking over your playlist’ I mean bobby really did take over Luke’s playlist in the sense that he took all the songs. So now that we’ve established that this song could very well be hinting at bobby what else can the song tell us about his motives and mindset. Well there is that section ‘ They don't get the shine that I get, Some get jealous, They can't help it, They wish they were me.’ I actually think this part is about Luke. Julie says that whilst the album he released of Luke’s songs did really well his other albums weren’t as good. Now she doesn’t say that they are bad just that they weren’t getting the same attention Luke’s were. This also tells us that Bobby like Luke also wrote songs. But I think that Luke’s songs always got more attention and praise and over time Bobby began to gain some jealousy towards Luke because as the song says Bobby doesn’t have the shine that Luke does and Bobby wishes he was Luke. More evidence in the song that Bobby felt this way comes from the opening lines ‘ Whenever I walk in the room, All the focus on me, The way I talk, the way I move, They all want on my team.’ I feel like this might have happened alot, that Luke would just get loads of attention whenever he walked into a room and everyone wanted to talk to him. Then if you look at these lines ‘ I make an entrance when I don't try, don't try, Cause all I see is all eyes on me, I only lead, I never follow, follow.’ Again this could be a hint at how Bobby was feeling towards Luke at that time like Luke got everything easy, he could get attention without trying. Also I’ve always got the vibe that Luke was the leader of the band and so its possible the line about only leading never following could be that Bobby felt that Luke wasn’t paying enough attention to his ideas and was starting to feel a little bit of resentment towards him. Maybe he was also feeling a little like he was in the boys shadows. It’s worth noting that in the song Now or Never whilst Luke, Alex and Reggie all have solo pieces where they sing Bobby doesn’t, yet we know he must be able to sing, I don’t care how good Luke’s lyrics were if Bobby couldn’t sing he wouldn’t have got a platnium record. I think some of this can be picked up in that beginning scene with Sunset Curve and Rose. Bobby is the first one to approach her but then the rest of the group comes over and despite approaching her first he ends up being the last one to give her his name. Also most of the interaction happens between Rose and Luke, Alex and Reggie with Bobby barely speaking at all. I do feel like whilst all the boys were close Bobby was a bit more of a timid one around the others and didn’t stand up for himself or his ideas like the others do. For example we know that Alex and Reggie will push back against Luke. When Luke tells Reggie to stop putting his country songs in his journal you can guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s had to tell Reggie that, also when he says it Reggie just retorts that its a gift and he should have another look at it. This shows that Reggie isn’t afraid to pitch his ideas to Luke even if Luke says no. Also when Luke tells Alex no dancing and Alex just immediately starts dancing as a retort. I get the sense that it wasn’t the same with Bobby. Now don’t get the wrong idea I’m not saying in any way that the boys bullied or deliberately pushed Bobby out more that Luke, Alex and Reggie kind of have this banter and they bounce off each other but it seemed to me like Bobby struggled with this and just couldn’t keep up with it. During the conversation with Rose you can see that Bobby looks a little annoyed and you can understand why, he works up the courage to talk to this girl and instead his bandmates kind of take over the conversation which is why he reminds them about the hot dogs I think he figured if they were gone he’d be able to have a more comfortable conversation with her.

Which brings me to my next question, how did Bobby react to his bandmates deaths and did he ever feel any guilt about stealing the songs. Well on the surface his actions right after seem a bit suspect and there is that line in All Eyes On Me ‘Must have won the lottery’ which if we take this song as actually being about Bobby then it could be construed as he was kinda happy that his band mates died that he almost saw it as a stroke of luck. I mean couple that with the fact that right after their deaths he layed low and changed his name plus the fact that he stole their songs it doesn’t look like he cared all that much and I’ll admit for a hot minute there that is the image I had of him. But then I looked closer and actually there are quite a few signs that Bobby isn’t as fine and dandy as he first seems. One example is the fact that he meditates, meditation is often used by people with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and insomnia. I’m not saying that just because he meditates he must have some metal health issue just that its a possibilty especially when you combine it with the other hints. For example after the guys haunt him and he rushes out telling Carrie that he’s going to see his therapist, Carrie rolls her eyes. I get the feeling from this that seeing his therapist is something that her dad does often which again could indicate that he was more effected by his bandmates deaths than we know. Another subtle hint that he might be still struggling with their deaths is that we see him returning from a run in episode 9 that along with the meditating and the therapist tells us that he cares about his health and wellness which you know good things but its possible that the reason why he cares so much is because his friends died at a really young age which was traumatic for him and made him think about his own mortality and so he maybe becomes a bit obsessed with his health. Also him laying low and changing his name can be explained by the fact that the press were looking for him we know that from the article Julie read in the pilot. Bobby had just lost his friends and I’m sure the last thing he wanted was the press asking him a load of questions and there’s a good chance he knew that they were looking for him. He and Rose probably exchanged numbers at the Orpheum and seeing as the band were going to play there it wouldn’t be a stretch to think reporters would have gone there to see if they could get a way of contacting Bobby. Rose could have called Bobby to warn him and this is why he changes his name not to cover his tracks because he stole Luke’s songs but because he was avoiding the press so he could grieve in peace. I think he then might have then tried to get his music out there after some time deciding the guys would have wanted him to keep chasing his dreams. But he runs into a problem of nobody is all that interested in his songs, I think in a moment of desperation he plays one of the bands songs, he goes back to something familiar and they love it. He tells one little lie and then it snowballs to the point where he can’t take it back without causing irreparable damage to his reputation. I could see him trying to justify his actions to himself by telling himself that the songs belonged to the band and that he had as much right to them as the boys and well the boys weren’t here so what was the harm. As to why he didn’t give credit to the band it was probably because he knew that if he gave credit he would have to explain what happened to them and then their tragedy would haunt him for the rest of his life, the media and fans would all bring it up, maybe he just thoguht he wouldn’t be able to deal with that pain and so he just stays quiet and then he just gets buried in the lie, the record label wants more songs so he records more and more of Luke’s songs and then when he has enough of a name and loyal following of fans he starts recording his own songs. The reason why I think it went down like this is again from the song All Eyes On Me the verse ‘They know my face, They know my name, Reputation on lock, It's not my fault I got the fame, Ain't my fault it won't stop.’ The beginning part about knowing his name and his reputation on lock makes me think that after that first album he had enough of a reputation to secure himself and that he no longer needed Luke’s songs and I think at this point that guilty consious really kicks in and he decides not to record anymore of Luke’s songs. I really do think Bobby chose not record anymore as we know that he didn’t record all of Sunset Curves songs, he didn’t record bright, finally free or unsaid emily (thankfully) and he could have which to me suggest it was a consious decision on his part to stop. If he really was money hungry and all he cared about was fame and money then he would have recorded the rest of their songs. Another reason why I think Bobby has a bit of a guilty conscious is the line ‘It’s not my fault I got the fame.’ That to me sounds like something someone might say to try and convince themselves that they are not guilty of something, like Bobby is trying to justify his actions by saying that it wasn’t his fault that they died and he lived to go on and be successful, that it was just luck, which would circle back to the line ‘must have won the lottery’ this isn’t about celebration a lottery is about sheer dumb luck and he is recognising that. But here’s the thing that sealed it for me and convinced me that Bobby isn’t this completely heartless person who never cared about his friends.

Just look at this guys face. This is right after the boys appear on stage in Stand Tall. Look his expression isn’t one of jsut shock to me that is the face of a man who is grieving, who is feeling pain at the loss of someone he loved. I mean he looks devastated and his eyes are welling up, this is pure emotion and you’ll never convince me that this is the face of someone who didn’t love those boys like they were family.

I do want to say though that I in no way condone what Bobby did, he either should have given them credit or not recorded the songs. I’m just trying to explain what I think his thought process was during that time and point out that this image that he is some fame hungry monster isn’t entirely true. I do think that we could see him getting a redemption arc in season 2 and maybe some rifts can be mended.

I also think that Carrie will get a redemption arc and will make up with Julie. I do think there is alot of parallels between Sunset Curve and Carrie and Julie. It’s the same story of they were really close friends but then they have a falling out and end up as enemies. I think this is way they use Carrie’s song to tell the story of Bobby and the boys. Another reason why I think they are going to possibly get a redemption arc or at the very least play a bigger part in season 2 is because of the flowers, those little signs that Julie’s mum likes to leave. In episode 9 when Bobby comes in and sees Carrie watching that video on the table is a boquet of flowers, of white roses, white orchids and lilys.

Lilys obviously have a lot of symbolism of remembrance but they also represent rebirth and renewal. Orchids in some cultures represent unity and white orchids are said to represent hope. The roses I obviously think is a connection to Julie’s mum but white roses symbolise new beginnings. This makes me think that there is hope for a new beginning for Bobby, Carrie and Julie and the Phantoms. I do think it’ll be the memory of Rose that brings them all together after all Bobby knows that Rose/ Julie’s mum is the girl they were talking to in the pilot. I think he’ll tell the boys this and I think each of their connections to Rose is what will help mend the rifts between them all.

Ok well that’s it for now because this post is getting way way too long. If you have taken the time to read all the way through this then thank you, let me know what your theories and thoughts are I’d love to hear them. I’m definitely going to be posting more about JATP its my current obession right now the next post is going to be about Alex and Carrie and how I think they might have some kind of plotline in season 2 so keep an eye out for that if you think that is something you would be interested in.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp speculation #jatp spoilers

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woman-loving · 4 years

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I’m curious about “respectability politics” and how it applies to variations on the “born this way“ / “it’s not a choice” argument for toleration of homosexuality.

I’ve heard that “respectability politics” was theorized by Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham in Righteous Discontent: The Women's Movement in the Black Baptist Church 1880-1920, which I have not read yet. (Although this might be a good time to start it, cause I’m just about to finish my current book!) My impression was that it referred to appeals to middle-class norms of respectability as a basis for claims to citizenship and protection and nondiscrimination under the law.

I associate the “it’s not a choice” discourse (and I’m not entirely sure if that’s a bit different from the “born this way” discourse) mostly with a counterargument to conservative Christian pronouncements about homosexuality in the US. I had previously rejected the idea that this argument was a form of “respectability politics,” because I didn’t think that “not being able to choose your sexuality” was a typical marker of middle-class respectable citizenship. I had instead described this argument as “toleration politics,” where, rather than being seen as meeting moral (or citizenship) requirements just as well as everyone else, a special exemption from the standard requirement was being requested based on a (tragic) inability to fulfill it.

But I’m thinking about some things I’ve read and feel like variations of these arguments (which each have their own particularity, but also some commonalities imo) may have more to do with respectability than I originally thought.

But the other part of the equation is that they may involve appeals to religious patriarchal moral authorities. And I’m curious about the relationship between patriarchal religious morality--which I would basically describe like that, although I’m trying to work “religious” out of it--and class and citizenship dynamics. Because it seems like, at least in Christianity (and also in Islam from what I know about it), the acknowledged orthodox sexual morality is patriarchal and doesn’t authorize sex outside heterosexual marriage, even if it overlooks it. (But what variations might I be overlooking because they’re not considered orthodox by more institutionalized authorities?) Is there an automatic link between orthodox patriarchal sexual morality and “middle-class respectability,” just because the former is taken as a basis for the later? In the US, appeals to Christian patriarchal morality are also important to citizenship given the influence of Christian conservatives in politics, but is this also/only about middle-class ideals? (This has all got me thinking about the argument I heard Naomi Goldenberg make on The Religious Studies Project that religions can be understood as vestigial states.) I’m also thinking of religious authority here in terms of patriarchal authority: is this a good way to think about it and how is it incomplete?

Anyway, there are some passages that have been fitting themselves together in my brain:

Karen, editor of Frauenliebe, used sexological concepts of congenital and acquired homosexuality to draw a strict boundary between the two. She argued that anyone seeking same-sex love out of enjoyment of transgression [acquired homosexuality] damaged society and should be "separated from the public." On the other hand, Karen continued, "Same-sex behavior, entered into voluntarily and clearly by both partners [congenital homosexuality], belongs, like every intimate heterosexual behavior, to the realm of things one accepts but does not talk about."[68] Karen also warned aspiring writers to avoid writing explicitly about sexual experience in their stories and essays.[69]

Categorical exclusion shaped a debate in Frauenliebe about bisexuality. Like prostitutes, bisexuals were excluded from homosexual community. Frauenliebe printed fifteen responses to a letter asking readers to express their view on women who had relationships with both sexes.[70] They saw homosexuality as moral and bisexuality as immoral. It was not only movement leaders who wanted to discipline sexual desire in their followers. Letters from readers grouped bisexual women with prostitutes and "sensual" heterosexual women, accusing all of seeking homosexual experiences out of curiosity or sensual desire rather than as an expression of inner character.[71] [...]

Vilification of bisexual women allowed women the opportunity to enter into the classification and definition work of sexology and to create a purified figure of the female homosexual suitable for political citizenship. The "sexual" in homosexual was tamed through strict denial that irresistible desire defined the category. Rejection of prostitutes and bisexuals allowed women to construct "female homosexuality" as materially and sexually pure. As a type, they argued, "true" homosexuals kept desire under the control of the individual will.

-- Marti M Lybeck, Desiring Emancipation: New Women and Homosexuality in Germany, 1890-1933, 2015 Fuller quote here. This one links sexual morality and citizenship most directly and perhaps in the most “respectable” way (the realm of things you don’t talk about).

To understand how MSM is read, it is important to examine how explicit and implicit boundaries are drawn around the category gay. Consider, for example, a passage from Paul Farmer in which he claims that, in recent years, there have been fewer HIV cases than predicted among gay men in the United States, a category he implicitly racializes as White via the contrast with “injection drug users, inner-city people of color, and persons originally from poor countries in sub-Saharan Africa or the Caribbean.”21(p47) He further excludes gay from poor and suggests that “males involved in prostitution are almost universally poor, and it may be their poverty, rather than their sexual preference, that puts them at risk of HIV infection. Many men involved in homosexual prostitution, particularly minority adolescents, do not necessarily identify as gay.”21(p47) With this juxtaposition, Farmer seems to suggest that same-gender behavior among poor men of color (especially youth) is sex work rather than sex for pleasure and is devoid of identity and community; same-gender behavior among White men is read as synonymous with gay identity.

Compare these assumptions with a recent ethnographic report on men at risk for HIV in Dakar, Senegal.22 While many of these “men who have sex with men” are poor and engage in sex work, the authors found that they have indigenous sexual-minority identities that are differentiated and socially meaningful. Senegalese sexual-minority identities serve as a basis for social organization, including, but not limited to, sexual roles. The authors describe ibbi as men who “tend to adopt feminine mannerism[s] and to be less dominant in sexual interactions,”22(p505) whereas yoos are men who “are generally the insertive partner.” They also stress that the categories have “more to do with social identity and status than with sexual practices.”22(p506) [...]

Is MSM a useful term for describing groups that eschew prominent LGB categories? Much has been made of the fact that men on the DL lead secret lives and do not consider themselves gay.25,26 But DL is not a behavioral category that can be conveyed as MSM. As Frank Leon Roberts has put it, “DL is . . . about performing a new identity and embracing a hip-hop sensibility [italics added].”27DL functions not as a nonidentity but as an alternative sexual identity and community denoting same-gender interest, masculine gender roles distinct from the feminized sissy or faggot, Black racial/ethnic identity, and a dissociation from both White and Black middle-class gay cultures.26–28

-- “The Trouble With “MSM” and “WSW”: Erasure of the Sexual-Minority Person in Public Health Discourse,“ by Rebecca M Young and Ilan H Meyer, published in American Journal of Public Health, July 2005. This one doesn’t deal with the “it’s not a choice" argument directly, but suggests who people might want to exclude and have actually excluded in practice from categories of “sexual orientation" and “born this way” gay identity.

Omar’s analysis of linguistic terms has direct impact upon the issue of interpretation of the Qur’an. This analysis, published in 1997, predated the El-Moumni Affair by four years, yet illustrates exactly the conflation of terms which the imam pronounced in that controversial interview. Omar writes, “Many words are used to express sexual relationships that take place between man-and-man or between woman-and-woman. . . . Whether in modern standard Arabic or local dialects, there are terms like sexual deviance (al-shudhudh al-jinsiyya) and sodomy (al-liwat) and also homosexuality (al-junusiyya). . . . The problem is that most people use these different terms as synonyms, creating a situation of naming experiences with names that do not really fit, thereby generating misunderstanding and confusion about the topic of sexual orientation. . . . I see the critical importance of writing about homosexuality as the attempt to remove these confusing mix-ups of terms and issues.”[15] In this crucial passage, Omar explains that his project is to differentiate between homosexuality and sodomy. In his understanding, the Qur’an condemns sodomy as the act of anal penetration rather than homosexuality as sexual orientation, while the Islamic legal tradition mistakenly conflates the two.[16]

The distinction between homosexuality and sodomy makes sense if one asserts that there is a psychological reality called sexual orientation, which is separate from and prior to any sexual act. He writes, “Sex is a phenomenon that happens by way of the body, whereas sexuality is a matter existing at the level of psyche and personality.”[17] In his analysis, only a person with a psychological identity of constant and exclusive same-sex desire should be called “homosexual” (junusi in his terminology, or mithli jinsiyya in the Arabic terminology of other contemporary writers). The person who performs same-sex acts without doing so within the framework of exclusively homosexual orientation can be described as sodomite (luti). It is this behavior that characterizes the Tribe of Lot, who wanted to perform same-sex acts for reasons other than as a genuine expression of their sexual identity and psychological persona.[18] Omar’s analysis challenges classical Islamic law. Jurists instituted practical norms forbidding same-sex acts such as sodomy (liwat), with the assumption that those performing them were, in their inmost character, actually heterosexual (or at least functionally bisexual).

--Living Out Islam: Voices of Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Muslims, by Scott Siraj al-Haqq Kugle, 2014. I read this one yesterday. I can’t be sure whether bisexual people are considered at all, even as a footnote, in Omar’s analysis, and if they are, whether their pursuit of same-gender sex would be categorized with the acceptable homosexuals or unacceptable heterosexuals. I’m not sure here if Omar has in mind for sodomy rape specifically, or any anal penetration, or sexual activity (anal or not) between men that’s perceived as ‘voluntary’ rather than following the demands of exclusive sexual orientation.

But I think it’s interesting how intent/context/constraint of orientation is factored into ethical analysis here and in the first quote, in a way that accepts some forms of or reasons for having same-gender sex as unethical or socially disruptive. And in the first quote, these ‘voluntary’ expressions are imagined to be rooted in hypersexuality and sex work, distinctly un-middle-class. The last quote is engaging with Islamic legal traditions as well as theology, and I don’t know much about how this articulates with “citizenship,” although the author was writing in the Netherlands where LGBT rights were guaranteed by secular authorities.

Anyway, that’s what was bouncing around my head last night.

#lgbtq #born this way #it's not a choice #citizenship #respectability politics #religion #patriarchy

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shycutie101 · 3 years

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Fineee, I’ll do a sappy post

Warning, very ranty

As all of you know, Julie and the Phantoms has been out for an entire year already which is absolutely insane! Apparently time does fly when you are having fun.

Anyway, I found JATP through one of my online theatre friends. She called me up one day and forced me to take a which JATP character are you quiz on Buzzfeed. So techinally, Buzzfeed kinda helped me find JATP which is kinda weird to think about. So, after I took the quiz (If any of you were curious, I got Flynn) my theatre friend BEGGED me to watch it. Usually, I never watch shows people suggest to me (I’m extremely picky ok?) But something told me in my soul told me that I needed to watch this show so I finally caved and watched it while I was trying to work on my history essay. Needless to say, that essay was quickly abandoned.

The moment now or never started, I was drawn in. Fun little fact, as I watched Now Or Never, I kept sitting there trying to guess who was Julie since I didn’t know there would be the 2020 thing. Anyway, as I kept watching, I quickly saw exactly why my friend begged me to watch this show.

The moment Madison Reyes came on screen, I was like “Yup, this is the one.” Something immediately drew me to Julie’s character. Then it got into the whole storyline with Julie’s mom and I was hooked. I get distracted so easily but with JATP, I sat through the whole thing without even touching my phone ONCE which really says a lot.

Seeing a hispanic lead being able to shine was something so important to me. I was never really super in touch with my culture but this show/Madison really inspired me.

And then came Alex.

Obviously Alex was in the show since the beginning but finding out he was gay with no super huge coming out was very shocking to me. I even had to replay the scene to make sure I had heard it right. Them just saying he was gay and not making some big deal about it was something so important to me, as someone in the LGBTQ+ commiunity. And don’t even get me started on Willie, I love him with my whole heart and Willex being two guys who love each other and not having anyone be against it is so beautiful.

And how can I not talk about the songs? I listen to the playlist like 5 times a day (My life is really unexciting ok?”) The songs just made me feel so many different things and pushed my drive for music even more. I would like the thank the cast, the crew and all the other fantoms for not only creating this amazing show but keeping the fanbase alive, even when the idea of a renewal is still unknown to us. Thank you all<3

#jatp #julie and the phantoms

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lgbtqiahistoricalromance · 4 years

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Finishing Out Summer 2020 TBR List! - Updated 7/31

Starting back in March, I was adding novel after novel for purposes of reading during social distancing and Summer 2020. I’m hoping you all found some great reads, even if you haven’t been able to read them all. *Here is another batch to round out Summer 2020, and I’m thrilled by the selection that includes sapphic, trans MCs, and more eras and locations than any list to date.

Leather and Lace by Rebel Carter (Good Sky series #5) - May 20th - sapphic

Mary Sophia James came to Gold Sky, Montana to find a husband at the insistence of her overbearing mother. Striking out in spectacular fashion after setting her eye on Julian Baptiste, her options are dwindling, and time is running out. She needs to find a man to marry before her condition becomes…obvious. Her mother’s prejudices and sharp tongue aren’t helping matters and Mary, to her shame, hasn’t behaved much better. But all her plans are derailed when she spots the most beautiful person she’s ever seen across the town square. Alex Pierce is strong, intriguing, looks stunning in a pair of trousers…and a woman.

Gold Sky is accepting of all types of love, and that between women is no different. Still, Alex didn’t expect to be so floored by the sight of the firey haired, yet fragile looking young woman. Mary needs to be married and Alex has a solution. Because in Gold Sky, Montana there are many ways to be married…and not all of them include a man.

Leather and Lace is a 35k word novella set at the same time as the events of book 2, Hearth and Home. It includes a passionate and romantic f/f love in a town where diversity, and love, reign supreme.

Note : Leather and Lace has a bit of mail-order, arranged married, kind of secret baby with some foreced proximity sprinkled on top!

The Sugared Game by KJ Charles (The Will Darling Adventures #2) - August 26th

It’s been two months since Will Darling saw Kim Secretan, and he doesn’t expect to see him again. What do a rough and ready soldier-turned-bookseller and a disgraced, shady aristocrat have to do with each other anyway? But when Will encounters a face from the past in a disreputable nightclub, Kim turns up, as shifty, unreliable, and irresistible as ever. And before Will knows it, he’s been dragged back into Kim’s shadowy world of secrets, criminal conspiracies, and underhand dealings. This time, though, things are underhanded even by Kim standards. This time, the danger is too close to home. And if Will and Kim can’t find common ground against unseen enemies, they risk losing everything.

The Revolutionary and the Rogue by Blake Ferre - August 24th

Perrin deVesey knows pain. As a member of Crimson Rose, a secret club for men who love men, he’s taken the vow “to stand and shield.” Standing together during these perilous times is the only thing keeping their necks from the guillotine. Now their leader is using the club to rescue wrongly accused traitors. After losing a past lover to an unjust execution, the decision to support this treasonous cause is easy…until a devastatingly handsome Committee Officer complicates Perrin’s whole world. Officer Henri Chevalier hates aristocrats. But the man he finds while investigating Crimson Rose is more than just wealthy and fancily clothed. He’s a rogue that could take him to the heart of the uprising and stop it before it starts. His plan to get close to Perrin and steal his secrets backfires, though, when Henri finds himself falling for the damned aristo and his dangerous smile. His heart is even more conflicted as he learns the truth behind their cause…and the truth his own people have been hiding. Together they must make the choice—to stand and shield at any cost—and their love might be the deadliest weapon in all of France.

Healing Lance by MD Grimm (A Warrior’s Redemption #1)- July 28th

A baby’s laughter. A mind uncaged. Lance is known as Scourge, the warrior in the black armor, the dog of the warlord Ulfr Blackwolf. He was just a boy when Ulfr found him and molded him into the perfect weapon. He slaughters and pillages on command, merciless and numb, devoid of emotions. Then a baby girl laughs at him during a raid. And everything changes. When Gust, a talented healer, is out deer hunting and stumbles across a magnificent horse bearing a mortally wounded rider, he has no idea that his life is about to change forever. Gust applies all his skills to his patient, determined to save the rider’s life, and is rewarded when the man opens his eyes. As friendship, and more, bloom between warrior and healer, so does the danger over the horizon. Ulfr has not forgotten, and Lance must take his first steps on the long road to redemption.

The rest of the series is either out this Summer or finishes in Sept!

Unhallowed: A Novel of Widdershins (Rath & Rune Book #1) by Jordan L Hawk - July 17th

Monsters. Murder. Librarians. Librarian Sebastian Rath is the only one who believes his friend Kelly O’Neil disappeared due to foul play. But without any clues or outside assistance, there’s nothing he can do to prove it. When bookbinder Vesper Rune is hired to fill the vacancy left by O’Neil, he receives an ominous letter warning him to leave. After he saves Sebastian from a pair of threatening men, the two decide to join forces and get to the truth about what happened to O’Neil. But Vesper is hiding secrets of his own, ones he doesn’t dare let anyone learn. Secrets that grow ever more dangerous as his desire for Sebastian deepens. Because Kelly O’Neil was murdered. And if Sebastian and Ves don’t act quickly enough, they’ll be the next to die.

My Heart’s in the Highlands by Amy Hoff - July 17th - sapphic - time travel

The year is 1888. Brilliant and beautiful, Lady Jane Crichton has fought the constraints of her Victorian Edinburgh upbringing to become one of the first women to attend university for medicine. Denied a degree because of her gender, she decides to marry a closeted gay man, providing him with political and social cover and herself with the time and money to pursue her scientific interests—one of which is a time machine. Jane’s machine works…but not exactly as she expected, and soon she has crash-landed in the 13th-century Scottish Highlands. There she is rescued by a wild, red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, next in line to the chiefship of the great Clan Donald, the rulers of the Sea Kingdom of the Isles. Despite the constant threat of attacks from enemy clans, harsh winters and a touch of homesickness, Jane finds herself bewitched by this land, this time and this magnificent woman. The rough and warlike Ainslie also feels the magic and revels in a passion and love neither she nor Jane had ever imagined. But Jane is hiding a dangerous secret—one that threatens to tragically transform their Highland fairy tale.

Kinship and Kindness by Kara Jorgensen (A Paranormal Society Romance #1) - releases July 29th -trans MC

Bennett Reynard needs one thing: to speak to the Rougarou about starting a union for shifters in New York City before the delegation arrives. When his dirigible finally lands in Louisiana, he finds the Rougarou is gone and in his stead is his handsome son, Theo, who seems to care for everyone but himself. Hoping he can still petition the Rougarou, Bennett stays only to find he is growing dangerously close to Theo Bisclavret. Theo Bisclavret thought he had finally come to terms with never being able to take his father’s place as the Rougarou, but with his father stuck in England and a delegation of werewolves arriving in town, Theo’s quiet life is thrown into chaos as he and his sister take over his duties. Assuming his father’s place has salted old wounds, but when a stranger arrives offering to help, Theo knows he can’t say no, even if Mr. Reynard makes him long for things he had sworn off years ago. As rivals arrive to challenge Theo for power and destroy the life Bennett has built, they know they must face their greatest fears or risk losing all they have fought for. With secrets threatening to topple their worlds, can Theo and Bennett let down their walls before it’s too late?

More under the cut...!!!!

My Highland Laird: Sci-Regency Book #5 by JL Langley - releases August 10th

Bannon Thompson, talented artist and youngest son of the Duke of Eversleigh, is hastily shipped off after his latest indiscretion. After crashing on rural Skye, leaving him and his valet the sole survivors of a diplomatic mission, Bannon must navigate the complexities of a primitive clan society and take up a role he never wanted: helping a sexy Highlander ensure the safety of both their planets.

Laird Ciaran MacKay wants nothing more than to keep his clan safe from the off-world intruders who killed his father. Suspecting complicity among his own people, he has no choice but to trust outsiders from a spaceship crash—and he can’t seem to fight his attraction to the stubborn redhead. Drawn to the handsome laird, Bannon risks a bold affair. But there is more at stake than reputations as they find two lost Regelens and uncover the Intergalactic Navy’s plot.

Artful Deception by Jackson Marsh (The Clearwater Myseries Book #5)

“Deception. The lie that tells the truth."

A damaged painting tempts Lord Clearwater to a final battle with his arch-enemy, and it's not a summons he can ignore.

Archer must free his homicidal brother from incarceration and reinstate him to the title. He will be left humiliated and penniless, but free to live his life with Silas with no threat of exposure. The alternative is death.

Drawing inspiration from a work of art, Clearwater manipulates a series of illusions to stay one step ahead of the endgame. While James, Tom and Silas race to solve clues and reach Archer before the fatal deadline, the assassin, Dorjan, remains hot on his heels ready to kill.

The sixth book in The Clearwater Mysteries series brings back popular characters from previous adventures in a fast-paced, twisting mystery that can have only one of two possible endings.

Or perhaps one of three. After all, deception is the lie that tells the truth.

Ten or Fifteen Miles by BL Maxwell - May 27th

Tim Latham had only been riding for the Pony Express for a week before he has to show the new guy the trail. Being raised on a farm in the Sacramento area, the Pony Express gave him an opportunity to see more of the country beyond his family’s little plot of land. He loves everything about the job: the adventure, the scenery, and the speed. Racing the wind on the back of a horse was as close to perfect as he could imagine.

Jeremiah Rollins grew up in San Francisco under the shadow of his father's successful shipping business. But Jeremiah craves the adventure he reads about in the dime novels he can’t get enough of. On a whim, and despite his father’s disapproval, he signs up for the Pony Express and leaves his old life behind for the steep, rocky trails that cross the Sierra Nevada. Both men are excited to begin their journey on their first ride together to Nevada Territory. They set out, making their way from station to station, racing as fast as their horses can carry them, and their friendship grows every mile. They both wanted adventure, but they may end up getting more than they dreamed of. Every ten or fifteen miles brings new experiences, and new feelings that grow with each mile they pass.

People Like Us by Ruby Moone (Winsford Green #2) - July 21st

Arthur Fitch clawed his way out of the violence and poverty of the slums of London to become a valet to the aristocracy. His ambition to secure a higher position led him to a disastrous appointment with a cold, brutal man, and when things come to a head, Arthur is forced to flee into a snowstorm to find safety. Joseph Wilkinson is the Winsford Green blacksmith. He has a good life, good friends, owns a thriving business, but at the end of the day when he goes home, loneliness consumes him. When he stumbles upon a small man determinedly trudging through the snowstorm, he invites him into his home to shelter. Arthur Fitch is older, smart-mouthed, and as prickly as hell. But, as Joe peels back the layers, he discovers a warm, funny, vulnerable man whose tastes in the bedchamber leave Joe gasping and desperate for more. Trouble is, having found the real Arthur Fitch, how can he convince him that life in a small town can be infinitely better than working for an Earl? That love really is possible for people like them? Particularly when Arthur’s past catches up with him in horrifying fashion.

Seaworthy bu KL Noone (Character Bleed Book #1) - August 1st - bisexual MC - contemporary, but with a lot of historical touches

An epic motion picture! A gay Napoleonic War love story! Ballrooms and battles at sea! Romantic happy endings on the silver screen! And a film that’ll change everything for its stars ... Jason Mirelli can’t play adrenaline-fueled action heroes forever. He’s getting older, plus the action star parts have grown a little thinner since he came out as bisexual. This role could finally let him be seen as a serious dramatic actor, and he needs it to go well -- for his career, and because he’s fallen in love with the story and the chance to tell it. The first problem? He’ll be playing a ship’s captain ... and he hasn’t exactly mentioned his fear of water. The second problem? His co-star: award-winning, overly talkative, annoyingly adorable -- and openly gay – box office idol Colby Kent. Colby’s always loved the novel this film’s based on, and he leapt at the chance to adapt it, now that he has the money and reputation to make it happen. But scars and secrets from his past make filming a love story difficult ... until Jason takes his hand and wakes up all his buried desires. Jason could be everything Colby’s ever wanted: generous and kind, a fantastic partner on set, not to mention those heroic muscles. But Colby just can’t take that chance ... or can he? As their characters fall in love and fight a war, Colby and Jason find themselves falling, too ... and facing the return of their own past demons. But together they just might win ... and write their own love story.

The Engineer (Magic & Steam Book #1) by CS Poe - May 28th

1881—Special Agent Gillian Hamilton is a magic caster with the Federal Bureau of Magic and Steam. He’s sent to Shallow Grave, Arizona, to arrest a madman engineer known as Tinkerer, who’s responsible for blowing up half of Baltimore. Gillian has handled some of the worst criminals in the Bureau’s history, so this assignment shouldn’t be a problem. But even he’s taken aback by a run-in with the country’s most infamous outlaw, Gunner the Deadly. Gunner is also stalking Shallow Grave in search of Tinkerer, who will stop at nothing to take control of the town’s silver mines. Neither Gillian nor Gunner are willing to let Tinkerer hurt more innocent people, so they agree to a very temporary partnership. If facing illegal magic, Gatling gun contraptions, and a wild engineer in America’s frontier wasn’t enough trouble for a city boy, Gillian must also come to terms with the reality that he’s rather fond of his partner. But even if they live through this adventure, Gillian fears there’s no chance for love between a special agent and outlaw. Based on the short story, “Gunner the Deadly.” Entirely revised, newly expanded, and Book One in the exciting new steampunk series, Magic & Steam.

Pirate’s Promise (Pirate’s of Port Royal Book #1) by Jules Radcliffe - May 12th - the rest of the series is also out this Summer!

Press-ganged as a boy, Job Wright must learn how to live as a free man.

For years Job has been a captive, treated as a servant—and sometimes more—by a crooked merchant crew. Until the day his ship is attacked by pirates. English pirates, no less, and Brethren of the Coast, a brotherhood of free men who owe allegiance to no one but themselves. Job thinks he's been rescued at last, but he's badly mistaken. As an Englishman aboard a Spanish ship, the Brethren believe he's a traitor and an enemy. But just when pirate justice is about to be delivered, Garrett Dubh intervenes. He both saves Job's life and recruits him to the pirate ship Audacious.

Surrounded by a fearsome crew, Job finds protection under Garrett's wing. He's ready to do anything for the handsome pirate—things he'd never willingly do for another man. But Garrett ignores Job's shy overtures. He believes Job is too traumatised by his past. Too young to know what he wants. And nothing Job says will change his mind.

To show Garrett he can take care of himself, Job leaves the safety of the Audacious. He joins the most ruthless Brethren crew in the Caribbean, led by the enigmatic and cruel Rusé.

But in the French pirate haven of Tortuga, thoughtless actions can have fatal consequences, something Job is about to discover. And this time, Garrett isn't there to save him.

Chasing a Legacy by D. A Ravenscroft - May 2020

Against the tense political backdrop of the Second French Empire, siblings Camille and Marianne find themselves wrestling with personal demons both past and present. As Camille strives to keep family secrets buried and unveil a plot against them, Marianne becomes involved with the handsome Baron Auclair and his mysterious younger sister. Little do the siblings know that soon their very different lives will come crashing together…

The sequel to a sequel! In this follow up to the unofficial Les Mis sequel ‘Chasing a Ghost’, we follow Enjolras and Grantaire’s children, Camille and Marianne, through dangers untold and family strife. Set in 1866, towards the end of the Second Empire, this story has murder, mystery, romance, drama, comedy, and a pet lion. And yes, it’s very, very queer.

https://www.lulu.com/en/gb/shop/d-a-ravenscroft/chasing-a-legacy/paperback/product-y58wrq.html

Two Rogues Make a Right by Cat Sebastian (Seducing the Sedgwicks Book #3) - June 23rd

Will Sedgwick can’t believe that after months of searching for his oldest friend, Martin Easterbrook is found hiding in an attic like a gothic nightmare. Intent on nursing Martin back to health, Will kindly kidnaps him and takes him to the countryside to recover, well away from the world. Martin doesn’t much care where he is or even how he got there. He’s much more concerned that the man he’s loved his entire life is currently waiting on him hand and foot, feeding him soup and making him tea. Martin knows he’s a lost cause, one he doesn’t want Will to waste his life on. As a lifetime of love transforms into a tender passion both men always desired but neither expected, can they envision a life free from the restrictions of the past, a life with each other?

Best Laid Plaids by Ella Stainton (Kilty Pleasures #1)- August 31st

In 1920s Scotland, even ghosts wear plaid.

Welcome to a sexy, spooky new paranormal historical series from debut author Ella Stainton.

Scotland, 1928

Dr. Ainsley Graham is cultivating a reputation as an eccentric.

Two years ago, he catastrophically ended his academic career by publicly claiming to talk to ghosts. When Joachim Cockburn, a WWI veteran studying the power of delusional thinking, arrives at his door, Ainsley quickly catalogues him as yet another tiresome Englishman determined to mock his life’s work.

But Joachim is tenacious and openhearted, and Ainsley’s intrigued despite himself. He agrees to motor his handsome new friend around to Scotland’s most unmistakable hauntings. If he can convince Joachim, Ainsley might be able to win back his good name and then some. He knows he’s not crazy—he just needs someone else to know it, too.

Joachim is one thesis away from realizing his dream of becoming a psychology professor, and he’s not going to let anyone stop him, not even an enchanting ginger with a penchant for tartan and lewd jokes. But as the two travel across Scotland’s lovely—and definitely, definitely haunted—landscape, Joachim’s resolve starts to melt. And he’s beginning to think that an empty teaching post without the charming Dr. Graham would make a very poor consolation prize indeed…

The Gentleman’s Thief by Isobel Starling (Resurrectionist Book #2)

Tuesday 28th December 1897. Mr. Benedict Hannan, the owner of Hannan’s Auction House in Fitzrovia, London, receives an unexpected visitor at his Bloomsbury home. The man on his stoop sends Benedict’s heart into a flutter, and on inviting the mysterious stranger into his house, he is inviting mystery, adventure, and volcanic desire.

Sebastian Cavell—master thief, gives the impression he has sought out Benedict for the sake of business, but the kind of business Sebastian has in mind has nothing to do with making money!

Cavell has been tasked with finding the whereabouts of a missing German aristocrat. With Benedict’s society connections, Sebastian gains access to his Gentleman’s Club and to men whose behavior is not so gentlemanly!

Benedict is pulled into the circle of a dangerous secret society and he not only learns the truth about the mysterious Sebastian Cavell, but learns the truth about himself and all he truly desires.

The Curse of the Mummy’s Heart by Julia Talbot - June 30th

Something is rising in the desert sand, and between two adventurous men.

Famous 1920s Hollywood actor Douglas Fitzhugh and his brother Donnie are headed for Egypt on a classic monster movie quest. Their mysterious benefactor, a man they call Grant, has sent them to find a stranded archaeologist, and all they have to go on is a handwritten journal. That's just the kind of adventure Douglas loves, and he never passes up the chance to get away from his studio-driven life.

Charles Angeloff is also on his way to Egypt with a special object his father has asked him to return to the tomb he ripped it from. Charles is just out of university, and when he meets Douglas, he falls hard for Douglas' charm and his worldly ways.

As they travel, more men of adventure join them: a cowboy, a rich seminary student, and a librarian. When they're all together, it's like magic happens, and the men all realize they're on a mission to stop the horror that stirs beneath the desert sands, even as that creature sets its sights on Charles. Will Douglas and Charles lose each other just when they've found what they both think is the man they want to be with forever?

Starcrossed: A Paranormal Historical Romance (Magic in Manhattan #2) by Allie Therin - May 18th

When everything they’ve built is threatened, only their bond remains… 1925 New York Psychometric Rory Brodigan’s life hasn’t been the same since the day he met Arthur Kenzie. Arthur’s continued quest to contain supernatural relics that pose a threat to the world has captured Rory’s imagination—and his heart. But Arthur’s upper-class upbringing still leaves Rory worried that he’ll never measure up, especially when Arthur’s aristocratic ex arrives in New York. For Arthur, there’s only Rory. But keeping the man he’s fallen for safe is another matter altogether. When a group of ruthless paranormals throw the city into chaos, the two men’s strained relationship leaves Rory vulnerable to a monster from Arthur’s past. With dark forces determined to tear them apart, Rory and Arthur will have to draw on every last bit of magic up their sleeves. And in the end, it’s the connection they’ve formed without magic that will be tested like never before.

Another Chance For Love by Ellie Thomas - July 4th

Former British Army Lieutenant Adam Merryweather survived the Western Front of WWI and has slowly recovered from his injuries. But can he heal from a broken heart? Torn between family duty and personal happiness, he sacrificed his love for Alf and has never ceased to regret it in the two years since the war ended. Adam is slowly putting his empty life back together, working for the family firm in the city centre of Bristol and trying to stop his mother’s meddling to find him the perfect socially acceptable bride. When he happens to meet Alf out of the blue, Adam is determined to try again. But convincing Alf to give him another chance may be too much to hope for. Can a chance meeting bring them back together? Or has Adam lost another chance for love forever?

The Care and Feeding of Waspish Widows by Olivia Waite - July 28th - sapphic

When Agatha Griffin finds a colony of bees in her warehouse, it’s the not-so-perfect ending to a not-so-perfect week. Busy trying to keep her printing business afloat amidst rising taxes and the suppression of radical printers like her son, the last thing the widow wants is to be the victim of a thousand bees. But when a beautiful beekeeper arrives to take care of the pests, Agatha may be in danger of being stung by something far more dangerous…

Penelope Flood exists between two worlds in her small seaside town, the society of rich landowners and the tradesfolk. Soon, tensions boil over when the formerly exiled Queen arrives on England’s shores—and when Penelope’s long-absent husband returns to Melliton, she once again finds herself torn, between her burgeoning love for Agatha and her loyalty to the man who once gave her refuge.

As Penelope finally discovers her true place, Agatha must learn to accept the changing world in front of her. But will these longing hearts settle for a safe but stale existence or will they learn to fight for the future they most desire?

*If more come to my attention after this is posted, they will be added!!!

#lgbt romance #historical romance #sapphic #trans romance #f/f romance #m/m romance #books

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stronghours · 3 years

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CUSTOMER SERVICE

E T S Y

Darling Fallon Sep 3, 2013

Sensational (sin-sational!). i write on behalf of myself (S) and my lover (m). we have been ripped off by bulk-produced molded hoods before and i can only say HAND CUT LATEX ONLY never look back!! worth the money and will eventually pay for itself. neck fit like loving glove and adds dynamic intensifier to breathplay. Lovely proprietor replied prompt when “m” had questions re: breathability (she added extra breathing hole at no extra cost). class acts all around (and not just in our dungeon!) will return for more but “m” needs a break first if u get the drift lol1!! thanks to lady j!

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Latex Chrysalis Hood (translucent…

3 Helpful

myMister Aug 24, 2013

this one writes on behalf and with permission of MISTER. this one quaked with bliss when package arrived. truly awful to behold in the wise hands of MISTER. this one’s neck is small and delicate For His Pleasure and all item adjustments were made to order and did not affect shipping time. if this one could be so efficient For His Pleasure this one would be in heaven on earth. instead, this one is less than a hole. item truly enhanced <O sensation. without a doubt will be used over and over in this household for due punishments of this very worthless one. discrete pgk’ing. thanks to designer J for deepening this one’s service to MISTER.

(NOTE FROM MISTER – WILL PROPRIETER PLEASE PRIVATELY EMAIL TO DISCLOSE IF YOU ARE MALE/FEMALE/OTHER SO “myMister” (this one) WILL BE ABLE TO PROPERLY ADDRESS YOU IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FORMAL ROLE)

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Throttle Collar w/ attached Gas…

1 Helpful

JulieJuice August 3, 2013

LOL rip-off!!! cant believe all u ppl sucking this guys dick. says everywhere in product descript. (and you guys reviews!!) that custom sizing is no additl. cost but mine cost more!! only small alteration to titty holes cause of my cleave situation. bullshit. not buying from him again.

Response from J

Hi again Julie. If you check our many enlightening inbox conversations from 7/5-7/16 you will be reminded the additional cost was due to your request of more ring hinge insertions as the standard amount in pattern block “was not bling enough”. Cleavage was irrelevant. Sizing related alterations are always no added cost. Custom alterations requiring additional materials/effort and adjusted pricing will always be discussed and approved on client end before any exchange of payment.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Hexagon Restrictor Harness…

HELPFUL?

HannahCakes! Jun 1, 2013

Hey Whats Up I’m Caleb (obviously don’t have an etsy) and using my lady’s account. She got the catsuit for my birthday and she looked so sexy like J-Lo or someone. Didn’t want her doin the latex stuff because I thought shed have to shave off all her pubes and personally i like that kind of thing a lot but no harm done. Anyway she was super sexy and the suit thing looked good and stayed together even when we started rockin. To other full bush guys out there if youre girl wants to wear the latex stuff SHE CAN KEEP HER BUSH she just has to use lube to oil up the bush that she has.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Domina Catsuit w/ Pussycat Zipper (red…

7 Helpful

HannahCakes! 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Caleb Review

Hi J,

Saw my boyfriend’s 6/1 review and I was like uh ohhh. I asked him to leave one because he went gaga over the catsuit, but I wasn’t expecting all the bush stuff. If you don’t want to be associated with that and want to delete, that’s ok on my end. A little embarrassing! – Hannah!

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Hannah. Please don’t worry about it, any positive review is welcome. His feedback has apparently hit a chord with some specific hesitations and concerns buyers have been experiencing but not confiding with me, so I plan on keeping it up for the time being. Enjoy your garment.

JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Moo-cow snout muzzle thing – (idea i had)

Hi. Is this idea good

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Joey. Are you interested in a custom cow muzzle/mask, like the pup play masks on my page or are you just brainstorming for personal reasons?

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

idk it’s just an idea i had

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

It’s a cool idea

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Thanks man i thought so 2

1234Brett10093456 3 months ago Friend Ignore

I REMEMBER YOU FROM RAWHIDE

JULES yes I know who you are and I know your name are you scared yet?? I remember when you used to hang with Roscoe out at Rawhide because Roscoe pretended to hire you because he secretly wanted to fuck and suck you till you cried and I saw all that. I have brown flippy hair, blue eyes and am tall/cut versatile but lean TOP. I know you faked being gay. You heard of bi-now-gay-later but have you heard of gay-then-straight-betrayer (you)? That is fucked up that you still sell stuff but pretend to be a gay guy because that makes your stuff sell better because the gay guys want to fuck you. I know you are faking because my muscle bud Tomas (latino) saw you making out with a ginger chick at the wet bar in Entrance last week. He said it was probably a joke but I know it wasn’t because he said he saw tongue. I wont let you be a breeder without a fight. I am willing to tell EVERYBODY YOURE SECRET. But I wont if you prove to me YOU CAN STILL BE GAY. Im attaching a pic of my cock so you know im not lying and can follow through. I will only believe YOU ARE GAY if we can see each other face/face (i can host only on fri- I have two roommates) and our cocks have to touch and you have to stay hard for at least five minutes while I suck and jack your cock and tongue your balls (shave or dont i will leave that up to you). condoms ok but if you want to be a breeder so bad maybe I will just breed your ass but if youre actually a gay guy you’ll like it and cum thick ropes as I fuck your dirty little slut hole and youll tell me youre a hole while I fuck it with the shiny precum head of my cut fucking cock (7inches erect). you will smell my hole and BECOME GAY again IT WILL HAPPEN - Brett Costino

TheSteelyDanMan 2 months ago Friend Ignore

Latex & Breastfeeding Concerns

Good morning, J I hope you are well. Returning customer, here. My kajira/wife and I are splinter Gor lifestylers (NOT KAOTIANS) [link] but are currently isolated due to our deviation from standard kajira beautification ideals and the arrival of our first child (girl - Gemma) two months ago. My wife’s submission has usually been expressed fashion-wise in various strict latex outfits, a few of which you have kindly provided us over the past couple of years. Naturally, the arrival of a mini-me results in some changes! My wife, insecure after birth, wants to return to strict full-coverage latex, but this desire is at odds with her physical situation of actively nursing Gemma and we both have worries. Does the constriction of latex effect or otherwise harm milk production, or could secondhand latex exposure harm our baby? I imagine you have catered to many lifestyle situations where this might be relevant so I thought I would ask. Thanks very much. LEO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 2 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Leo. While I have catered to many lifestyles, I’m afraid I must exercise discretion in this situation, as it would be on par with giving medical advice. I will say any allergy is a possibility and one should exercise undue care with a very young infant, not just in matters of latex. I highly encourage you and your wife to discuss this with her doctor as frankly as possible. In the long run it might be worth reevaluating aspects of your wife’s submission and temporarily making do with latex pieces that do not restrict the breasts, while nursing is a part of her daily reality (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you examples are available on my page). Best of luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family.

NoraBarnacle 2 months ago Friend Ignore

A sincere offer…

Several months ago, I bought a pair of latex gauntlet gloves from your shop. Since then, astonishing changes have come over me. I used to be high-powered, highly controlled, a formidable woman (natural ash blond, green eyes, 45”-40”-44”) I was determined to keep these feelings to myself, but I can no longer resist, as I wholeheartedly believe your Dominating spirit, imbued in the gauntlets, is leading me forcefully but masterfully into your care. If it pleases you, know I have not touched my aching slit for one month total as I am uncertain whether you desire me to feel pleasure that is not approved by you. There are no images of you on your site, but I have drawn an accurate picture of you in my mind and I know you are the Man that I never knew I was waiting for, the Man who will lead me, the Man who will hold my neck and strike my forehead to his knee in his insistence that I allow myself to be led. When I wear the gauntlets, they are your own gallant hands restricting my weak bones. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I do not desire to resist. Please message back so I can properly present my acquiescence, body and soul, unto you. I squat disgracefully on my plump thighs, full of whorish tremor that makes me unworthy, but still I desire. I will service your home with my ardent hands and service your thick and striving cock with my wet tongue. Respond to this small soul. I submit to your gallant wisdom – A Secret Admirer

RicoMetals 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Redhead Modle in Pic for Serve Her Serrated Corselette

Hey man-to-man who is she. I love redheads. Does she modle for other people/would she modle for my pieces? there’s no head in the pick – what’s her nose situation? we could all do collab and I think it would be hot. Let me kno - RICO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Hi Rico. I have not blocked you (yet) because said model wanted me to reply to you first and inform you, she’s already an established performer in her own right and does not want to model for a guy who “thinks I need some sissy seamstress to pimp me out to shitty welders online”. As I only have basic welding experience, I can offer no further comment or defense on your behalf.

DerryBerry454 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Inquiry re: standard leather sleep-sack dimensions

Hello Miss J, quick question:

I will buy this item no hesitation no delay if you tell me right now about your vagina. Questions I prioritize:

1. Color labia (outer)

2. Color labia (inner – aroused)

3. Clit length in centimeters or whatever measurement is most flattering to you

4. Range of clit engorgement

5. Depth of vaginal canal (I will allow ballpark figure as I know not everyone has graded speculums lying around)

6. Percentage of clit orgasms v. vaginal orgasms – bonus points if you describe uterine orgasm, if that is your experience (no pressure to answer last part, as I understand it is not necessarily vagina-adjacent)

7. Are you hairy? What color?

8. When you wash your vagina do you douche or do you use fingers to rub through labia folds and that is it?

9. Color of menstrual blood

10. If you wear panties, do you find the crotch of your panties degrades due to PH of your vaginal discharge? (give me the qualities and I will calculate this for you)

While a picture of your vagina is welcome (and will only be for my private use) I really do like gathering these stats (I’m kind of a nerd) and would appreciate as much openness on your behalf as possible and you will benefit too because I’ll give you money for your lovely product. Talk to you soon! 😊

B O A R D

[RUBBERVALLEY FIENDS THREAD 3/3 2006-PRESENT] TOPICS: 850 POSTS: 10,356

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Hey people, we’ve reached the end of the summer and you know what that means – Ivan himself of the halls of Rubber Valley presents inaugural post of their annual sweeps week filming extravaganza – first photoset already up and we’ve got the goddamn brilliant LYDIA SUCKS sons! The greatest bitch on the face of the planet almost psyched us out but she’s here she’s low and she’s ready to blow. Vid upload will probably take till tomorrow to render but we’ve got some great pic galleries already. Ivan really spoiling us pigs lmfao. Seeing lots of setup and dress-up and behind scenes stuff for yall candid pervs. We’ve got full body latex and face coverage hoods and I see a breathing tube and the barn inversion setup. Possible inverted ceiling fuck? The boys can dream. Links to download pics results in PERMABAN – only official links to Rubber Valley site allowed, don’t know how often I have to say it. You want to pass ripped screenshots you do that through email *casts pearls before swine*

GOBgobGOB: no pic of lyds upside down yet ☹

LordJim: Not interested until I see Ivan haul out the FuckRacers from two years ago – wonder why he doesn’t bring those around more often? Great view stats on current vids and who doesn’t like a fat ass getting auto-fucked while she steers the go-cart supine?

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao all views are you bro

GOBgobGOB: D I R E C T H I T

SUCKPUNTER: hey lordjim where’d you learn the word supine

LordJim: Yeah “laugh out loud” very funny guys.

SUCKPUNTER: did you learn it at college

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Lydia looks gr8 folks. Queen pristine and ready to cream. SUCKPUNTER – chill out because I’ve got my eye on you. Don’t take the bait Jim. You’re like thirty.

SUCKPUNTER: at least I don’t get off on bitches doing the pinewood derby

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: LYDIA!

GOBgobGOB: LYDIA!!!

McLovin: LYDIA LYDIA LYDIA

TheWorldofMartinAmis: Goddess. Wish she’d get her boobs done though.

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: same! I’ve been waiting for years for her to get into xtreme body mod. Right up her alley. If she’s at EXXXOTICA EXPO next year I’m going to try to get her meet and greet and ask. I know tattoo guys who’d pay HER to give her first tat.

McLovin: Lydia wouldn’t go. She’s like indie transgressive.

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): nice to see you again lockSTOCK. I see your POV but Lydia has several interviews where she says most of her viewers see her bod as a clean palate in the art of pain – as in, wounds have to go away in order for us to appreciate a fresh ruining ; ) tats and huge implants are a little tougher to work around. Anyway in my mind you can fix bad tits but you can’t fix bad attitude

ThatOneFootGuy: id suck her feet

McLovin: woah fuck 4th latex pic in dressing series with her mouth open and her eyes shut – who the lube guy with his arm right down her front?

SUCKPUNTER: lol hand clear to her pussy and hes not even hard faggot

McLovin: scope the ginger amazon in the background with camera – new girl? Don’t recognize. Didn’t know Ivan was bringing new people around this year’s sweeps.

LordJim: I wondered too when I saw. I’m sure DungeonMaster mod understands if I copy/paste following from Ivan (no pics, text w/actress info):

Newcomers are always welcome in RUBBER VALLEY (especially if they’re lovely, and especially if they’re ladies!) and this old goat is pleased to welcome DOMME LUX, our friendly neighbor down south in that little town called Chicago. Mysterious as she is alluring, you’ll see her shining light sampling tidbits of delight off our Valley Girls throughout the uploads this month (or even taking a crack at a couple!) We’re just getting to know her, but I have a feeling she’s a generous gal at heart as she kindly offered us the services of her Personal Valet, Jules DeMarco, who himself spoiled us all year with devious latex devices for our steadfast daring dollies after the unfortunate 2012 passing of our beloved torture designer Merrick Marvel (memoriam post 03/04/2012). Check out Jules’s Half-Bag Breast Mummifier in scheduled post 7/22 (Heather Bunny in the inverted Wench Wrench) the diabolical Arachnae-Hood (Lacey Jane, spinning in our trusty Landscape(her) Rolling Pin 7/16) and the Double-Fuck Full Body Boa Binder with eerie inflatable bubble hood (Lydia Sucks, finale post 7/31, don’t miss it, SUBSCRIBE). I must confess, we took advantage - the poor fella ran himself ragged helping us with film prep all week. So as an apology we let him get up close and personal with Rubber Valley’s reigning heroine LYDIA SUCKS fitting her in a custom four-limb black latex catsuit with half-face hood, made especially for her brave beautiful bod. He takes a good long time greasing her up before Ivan and Barry get her hoisted and joisted and in her best bitch-bat position among the rafters of the exalted Rubber Valley barn, where we leave her to squirm in terror! (but let’s get real – what scares Lydia? We’re wracking our brains!) Uh-oh, is Domme Lux looking jealous in the background? Is she plotting a little comeuppance for our Lovely Lady Lydia? Only one way to find out – SUBSCRIBE!

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Np lordjim, if you hadn’t posted I was going to. Looks like we’ve got fresh meat in the valley.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: very pretty girl, but always bummed when a new one turns out to be top. Call me old fashioned, I come to the Valley for slaves.

SUCKPUNTER: firecrotch

GOBgobGOB: brb too busy crankin it. milky gingerbread titties come to daddy

McLovin: @TheWorldofMartinAmis, Ivan always has at least one femdom around. Room for everybody in the valley

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: holy shit I know that guy.

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao faggots know faggots

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: no for real. His real name is Jules Marinelli. I worked with him one summer lifeguarding beaches for the park’s district. Our boss found his website where he sells his sex stuff, and it was this whole big thing. Found the kink club Entrance through that (check it out if you’re in my hood ever – huge, clean, not too much gay shit, great ladies of all stripes hanging around, but limits on drinking if you’re trying to access certain levels). He’s bi. He’s either secretly Domme Lux’s slave or Domme Lux is his slave and it’s mega on the DL because it’d hurt her career if it got out she could ‘verse. There’s all this gossip.

SUCKPUNTER: bi guys r fags

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): SUCKPUNTER – that’s strike one. lockstock – not deleting your post because from what I can see JDM doesn’t/isn’t acting in explicit scenes, but let’s cool it with doxxing info. Looks like he’s had an experience with that before, and as a small business owner myself, I know how it can suck. We aren’t gossiping high school girls. Settle back and enjoy what Ivan gives us.

GOBgobGOB: *sees dudes in the chat and stops jacking off*

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: NP mod, feel free to delete it later before it causes problems.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: going back to previous discussion – don’t think a breast job automatically constitutes body modification

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): think about it martinamis, it’s a slippery slope – you want to see some swollen battered fish get destroyed, or a fresh natural girl get destroyed?

SUCKPUNTER: i am not a faggot and a whore’s a whore and im here to see whores fucking destroyed

GOBgobGOB: *tony soprano voice* she was a HOOOOER

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt all whores get fucked

LordJim: Mod, step up. This isn’t going to get better. With all due respect

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt ALL WHORES GET FUCKED

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): yeah, already done. That should be the last of him. Don’t know why I expected that situation to turn out differently.

FROM: [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

Subject: Debrief – valley week

Jules,

As discussed, attached is current info for my old webmaster service from when I had to run my own fansite. Decent price and decent vendor system. Can only be an improvement on what you have now. That is not an insult, but I know it sounds like one. Stay with me.

[link] [link] [link]

And above, the top three most trafficked boards I’ve found following my own career and the rubber valley gang. We’ve caused quite a stir already and its only July 15th. I wouldn’t count on this causing an uptick in your business, but I think you know that. The standard gentleman at home spending twenty bucks a month for guaranteed links to a woman being fucked inside out while wearing a sensory deprivation hood simply doesn’t translate him to spending 100-200 dollars, contacting a seller, taking measurements, and going through the effort to order he and his special girly the hood itself. But I know you believe you’ve chosen your life the same way I believe I’ve chosen my life and won’t whine. I will say, if your ego is bruised, that your clothes are wonderful. They feel maybe half like death. I’ll wear them again and again.

On a funnier note: I have accounts myself on all the above message boards and post semi-regularly. It might amuse you to do the same thing, but you need to be careful regarding your identity. Feedback from viewers is never relevant, but it needs to be pure (don’t ask me why – my brains are fucked out). I won’t tell you who I am, and you won’t tell me who you are. Maybe we’ll find each other.

I wouldn’t tell your Cathy, since some sensitive (if inaccurate) information is flying around. Your instinct towards privacy, while cute and old fashioned, is an apt instinct. Looks like the good people of Chicago can’t keep their fucking mouths shut. Will you be able to find a straight job if your work now goes up like a dead dog’s gut? Don’t despair. Your nice long cock dropped so well down my throat while your Cathy beat my clit with the edge of your belt (nice touch – whose idea was that?) so while you might not get another chance to perch in a lifeguard’s throne, you might very well have a future in film. You’re vigorous, discrete, disciplined, clean, and a cutie-pie. Have your Cathy make some films of you alone or you two together. It’ll excite her, so you have no choice but to be excited yourself. You’re excited reading this. You believe you chose this.

Anyway – Cathy! Don’t be insulted on her behalf. I loved playing with you both. She’s kind and a lot of fun, which are virtues I still let myself appreciate in others. Let her know I appreciate how she let me use you. She’s a good girl and has a good future in store, especially with her personal valet running her life. Pick her outfits, pick her makeup, pick her clients, pick her laundry soap – is it already like that? I want to be buried alive, but you want to be buried in chores. Please dream big, Jules.

Rubber valley is where I have the most fun out of all the shoots I have in a year, but I really was lucky that you two showed up. Poor old Merrick Marvel (not even that old – colon cancer). But out with him and in with you. I enjoyed our river talk and I felt very safe in the car with you at the wheel, though I know I tormented you a little (but I’m pretty sure Cathy helped you out later with that – will you write back to me what she did to you, and if she let you come?) At one point you were with Ivan in the garage, and I tried to have a little talk with her about oblivion, but she either understood my point and got scared, or simply didn’t understand. It’s unfortunate, kind of soul-sucking, how our dominant “loved ones” transform into necessary evils. Adjust the tube. Grasp the handle. Move the thigh. Use the vocal cord to form the order. But what do they know? I never knew how to explain.

I’ve attached some personal pictures of me. I like knowing that you have them. I won’t contact you again except under strict business purposes, so let me sum up. Serve Cathy well. Don’t let her get bullied. Flourish creatively. Keep that belt. Fuck as often as your body commands you to fuck (if I suspect that sometimes your body is Cathy’s body by proxy, then this number will double, perhaps triple, but the choice is out of your hands because she owns your cock). You have a lot of growing up to do. Don’t despair. More to come.

We won’t see each other soon, but we’ll see each other again. Ciao!

I expect improvements.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Lydia S

#SAFEWORLD #unto itself but also sneak peek at rubber valley sequence #inspired solely by all the fetishwear providers on etsy that exist #Jules being relentlessly sexually harassed on the internet: this is normal and doesn't bother me. guess im built different

3 notes · View notes

atruththatyoudeny · 4 years

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Monthly Reads | July 2020

Happy 28th! As always, my undying love goes out to all the amazing authors this fandom still has. You are all incredible! Thank you for sharing your work with us ♥ Here are all the 21 fics I read and enjoyed this month:

⋙ The Murmur of Yearning | MediaWhore | historical - no smut - arranged marriage past rape/non-con - implied/referenced dubious consent - minor character death - slow burn - 93k Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home. Luckily he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

⋙ Donor-Conceived | jaerie | a/b/o - omega/omega - friends to lovers - intersex omegas - pregnancy kink - unplanned pregnancy - fertility issues - miscarriage mentioned - male lactation - lactation kink - 31k When Harry receives the worst news of his life, it's now or never if he wants to carry a child of his own. Without an alpha, it's a daunting idea. But after it's a go, he finds another omega having a child from the same donor and become fast friends. It is only logical that they raise the boys as half brothers, making sure their sons keep up the relationship with the only connection to their anonymous father. It seems like the perfect plan but life doesn't always work out that way.

⋙ Just a touch of your love | anonymous | a/b/o - touch-starved - past abuse - past rape/non-con - miscommunication - anxiety attacks - 12k “What if something happened to you? What would I say to Niall?” “Nothing, he would have to wait to see my corpse on the news like everyone else.” Deadpanned Harry. Louis’ gasp was all the answer he got. Ok, so that might have been a bit too much. With a calmer voice, he said, “It’s really fine. I’ve walked to the tube countless times, I can handle myself. Just go home and tell Niall to stop mothering me.” Louis was finally walking by his side and gave him a sideways glance before talking. “He doesn’t know, does he? Of your, uh, condition.” Harry tensed and his breath became erratic, but he didn’t say a word. Louis continued. “His nose probably hasn’t picked it up, and you’re lucky Liam’s also a beta, but it took me a minute to confirm it. Your scent is gettin’ so…” He seemed to struggle to find a word. He didn’t finish the sentence, but the emotion in his voice made Harry’s tummy churn. -- Or, Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.

⋙ We're Not Who We Used To Be | jaerie | trans female character - trans Harry - childhood friends - friends with benefits - transitioning - gender dysphoria - body disphoria gender identity - first time - self-medicating - reference to depression - 7k Louis comes back to his childhood home and sees an old friend who has changed quite a lot since the last time they saw each other.

⋙ Sincerely, Yours | anon | strangers to lovers - military - 25k Prompt:Historical AU where Louis is a soldier on his way to first deployment and Harry is working at a diner. They meet there when Louis is waiting for the bus, Harry tries to cheer Louis up and agrees to write to him while he's deployed because Louis doesn't have anyone else to write to. People kinda make fun of Harry for writing to (and falling for) a virtual stranger but otherwise everything is great until Louis stops writing. AKA travelin' soldier by the Dixie Chicks but gay and with a happy ending.

⋙ Ever Since I Tried Your Way | anon | historical - 1940s - 1950s - farm/ranch - internalized homophobia - hurt/comfort - emotional hurt/comfort - fluff - smut - gender exploration - body worship - 26k Harry had been kissed before, but never like this. He’d shared sweet, curious kisses behind bleachers and in soda shop booths, one or two more daring ones in cars parked on dark suburban streets, but the girls he’d kissed had never filled him with the desperation that erupted from Louis’ touch. He parted his lips and pulled him closer, as though he could breathe Louis straight into his lungs, as if he could swallow him. He wanted to consume Louis the way he consumed the body and blood of Christ. He wanted to place Louis on his tongue and feel him dissolve into a frothy mess of starch and saliva. He wanted to gulp him down until his teeth were stained purple and he was drunk on him. He wanted him in some violent holy way that made his hands shake where they were twisted in Louis’ shirt. In 1949 Harry left his bride at the altar, running away from the only life he'd known. When a kindhearted farmer offers him a ride in his truck and a place to sleep the two find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Isolated on Louis' farm with nobody but a field of dairy cows to intrude, the men are finally able to explore the parts of themselves they've spent their lives hiding away.

⋙ sleeping on our problems | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - college/university - mpreg - friends with benefits - angst - slow burn - hurt/comfort - 67k I’m in love with you, Louis thinks. He feels empty, weighed down by his sadness and the loss of Harry inside him just moments ago before his knot finally went down. There’s moments where he’s sure Harry feels the same. Like now, when he’s gazing down at Louis with so much adoration and tenderness. It’s like they’re both on the cusp of something more, but neither of them ever say a word. His confession is on the tip of his tongue ready to slide out like honey, and yet he remains silent. They both do, looking at each other and recognizing the reluctance mirrored in each other’s eyes. It’s then that Louis realizes they’re both scared. - Or Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

⋙ in a world alone | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - Swan Lake AU - historical - royalty - magic - curses - friends to lovers - slow burn - mpreg - 51k Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him. Because the swan is gone. And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen. - A Swan Lake AU

⋙ The Baby Whisperer | jacaranda_bloom | strangers to lovers - prior mpreg - neighbours - fluff - smut - kid fic - 19k Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down. OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

⋙ was in no hurry, had no worries | defencelouis | strangers to lovers - car accidents - smut - daddy kink - 21k The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.

⋙ Strong Enough | jacaranda_bloom | enemies to lovers - exes to lovers - angst - smut - divorce - 21k “So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?” Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

⋙ What's It Gonna Be? | zeldasayre | high school - 37k Louis looked thoughtful for a moment. “When are you meeting with Clare again?” “Thursday,” Bebe said, looking over at him, the ice clinking in her glass as she stirred it with a long spoon. “Why?” He grinned, narrowing his eyes. He took a long, dramatic pause, sipping his lemonade, and then said, “Scheming.” aka I've watched Shura's "What's It Gonna Be?" music video one too many times. ((Or, Louis and Bebe, best friends since childhood, have crushes on two of the most popular kids in school, and in an attempt to increase their respective chances, Louis befriends Harry Styles, quarterback of the football team, while Bebe befriends Clare Uchima, head cheerleader. Only... the plan... doesn't go exactly as planned.))

⋙ There Goes My Life | anonymous | older larry - colleagues with benefits - mpreg - unplanned pregnancy - smut - lactation kink - 8k Metallic taste in the mouth, check. Aversions to favourite foods, check. Nausea without throwing up, check. A heightened sense of smell, check. Sore and sensitive nipples, check. It had felt as though Harry had been ticking off boxes from his own mental checklist and every new addition brought him closer to an existential crisis. Pregnant. Everything over the last few weeks began to make sense; thoughts he pushed from his mind because he was too busy, and to be honest too scared, to think about. Getting knocked up from a few-night’s-stand was something that happened to teenagers and/or uni students, but certainly not to a forty-year-old Member of Parliament such as himself. *** Or, the one where Harry is single, a Member of Parliament, gets knocked up and has to deal with navigating motherhood in his forties. And Louis? Well, his life is about to change forever as well. This is a tale about colleagues with benefits and the consequences that can come with that.

⋙ Mother I'd Like to * | anonymous | implied mpreg - MILF Harry - 4k “What’s up, dad?” Oliver asks Louis, standing in front of Harry in a way that hides his friends from the view. “Is there something wrong with your mom? Your friends are staring a lot.” Oliver goes beet red at that. He groans and hides his face on his hands. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” --------------------- Written for the prompt: Harry’s and Louis’ son is like 16, so he is hanging out with his friends and his friends are teasing him about how hot his mother (aka harry) is, just like the 1D boys always did with Harry about Anne. The son feels super uncomfortable and Louis is super confused why these little teenagers boys always stare at Harry’s body when he is cooking for them whenever they visit until he finds out they think of Harry as the hottest milf in town (more humor than actual sexual references pls, this is supposed to be more funny than awkwardly sexual :D)

⋙ An Invincible Summer | Brooklyn_Babylon | farm/ranch - historical - 1940s - period-typical homophobia - adoption - minor character death - epilepsy - homophobic language - smut - 44k Never content to stay in one place for long, a few months down south researching for his novel seemed like an idyllic, slow-paced summer to Louis. He wasn't ready for the blistering heat, the backbreaking work of watermelon picking, or how stifling the attitudes in rural Georgia would feel. And he definitely hadn’t anticipated falling in love with the farmer’s son. The summer of 1946 would turn out to be everything worth writing about.

⋙ a trail of honey through it all | faeriestyles | strangers to friends to lovers - mild violence - D/s undertones - 27k The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him. Or, the TPH fic we’ve all been waiting for.

⋙ The Recklessness in Water | LarryOn | light angst - smut - 50k Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

⋙ baby blue | soldouthaz | cowboy AU - famous/not famous - angst - hate to love - enemies to lovers - smut - hurt/comfort - minor violence - 39k Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head. He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin. “Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.”

⋙ with no way out and a long way down | we_are_the_same | royalty - soulmates - strangers to lovers - fluff - angst - no smut - emotional hurt/comfort arranged marriage - 31k Prince Harry is ten when he receives his soulmark.

⋙ adjudication | bottomlinsons | royalty - historical - enemies to friends to lovers - enemies to friends - love letters - betrayal - slow burn - light angst - arranged marriage - 75k Harry's been engaged to Princess Charlotte of Ryde for as long as he can remember. He's come to know her, to love her, through the letters she's sent him over the past three years. But when the wedding finally arrives, Harry quickly learns that nothing is as it seems. With his crown and country at stake, Harry must decide who to trust in this strange new land. And the sly Crown Prince of Ryde doesn't seem inclined to make things easy.

⋙ Something to Prove | trysomecats | a/b/o - enemies to lovers - mpreg - smut - 9k Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

#fic rec #28th appreciation #monthly reads #monthly fic rec #my reads #larry fics #completed fics

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