#grief blogging

[endreal]

Can't stop thinking about how we'll never see the ocean. Once in a conversation he told me - half joking but also half serious - that all they wanted was for someone to take them to the beach. And on that day I resolved that I would. Ever since then anytime I'd been out to the coast, if I wasn't doing family tradition stuff with my husband or helping my girlfriend sink rod holders and bait hooks or staring up in rapture at the night sky, I was paying attention locations and neighborhoods and rentals. Looking for a idealistic place that was the perfect combination of accessible and private and near the water and not so brutally expensive that I couldn't save up for it. Last summer I started a new job with reliable PTO accrual. In July I thought I found my perfect spot. Since August I'd been setting money aside where I could in hopes of getting a weekend scheduled on the books this summer. And all for fucking what now?

[creatinganewwlife]

It’s true. As much as i hate it, i realised the person i love more than myself wasn’t there for me. He couldn’t be there for me. And now even though he is trying to be there, it feels unreal.

I had always thought that being there for each other, being each other’s rock is what love is. And i assumed you’d be my rock too if it ever came to that because i knew i would. People stay strong for the person they love, right? I know i would bear everything if it came to you.

But why, when i am going through something unimaginable, my pain is alot to deal with? So i am left to deal with it alone. Why do i have to always struggle alone? Why do i always have to be strong?

For the first time in my life, i thought i could lean on someone and what happened later felt like a tight slap on my face, a very harsh and unwanted realisation, almost like God, chiding me,

“Did you really think you could depend on anyone?”

[fanchonmoreau]

my grandfather died yesterday. he was 94, a long life well lived.

two years ago at Kol Nidre, in those few hours at the beginning of Yom Kippur when you're not hungry, I had a thought not about god but about the earth and the universe. the universe seems cold and indifferent, and the earth is dying at our hand. they are not sentient, but they hold the remains of every single person who has come before us. so how can they be indifferent, really? the people we love go back to the earth, so the earth loves us back. maybe, a little. or at least it remembers us. however it is that the earth or the universe remembers anything.

omnia mutantur, nihil interit. everything changes, nothing perishes. every memory a blessing to us all.

[iwasherangel]

[thegriefbutton]

I like to scroll Reddit and I'm part of the Grief Support thread.

Someone was struggling to come to terms with the euthanasia of their family dog and this was my response. I'm so passionate about aftercare in regards to euthanasia and pet loss.

It's so hard to deal with. They're a constant in our lives and loss is hard enough, nevermind when you have to make the choice to assist them to the rainbow bridge. We feel so much guilt. It's natural.

I feel like euthanasia is one of the most pure forms of love. We wouldn't break our own hearts with this decision if we didn't love them so much.

[orca-soup]

How am I supposed to celebrate entering a year he will never know? How am I supposed to tell people it was last year that he died and I am still not okay? How am I supposed to be okay with each passing day knowing that it brings me one day further from our life together? How am I supposed to grow old when I know that he never will?

[f4tbastard]

One of the hardest/strangest things about losing my brother is the fact that time does not stand still, even though I still feel frozen in place. Every new person I meet and that becomes a part of my life is another person who will never get to meet him and I feel so guilty when I talk to them about him, because the stories are such watered down versions of him and details of who he was. Christopher was so and is so much bigger than any words I could ever share. He had this way of drawing people to him and you just felt in awe of him. And I still am in awe of him, but now it hurts. Now it feels like I’ve gotten a little too close to the sun every time I think of him. I just miss him and when I think about it too much it starts to feel like my ribs are cracking and caving in.

[hushvodael]

My thoughts about grief, and how I've been feeling about it.

I worry about it constantly and fear drowning in it. So I put my emotions to the page!

[cleverclovers]

Grief isn't a one way street. the older you get the more people who pass. the older you get the longer it feels you're stumbling backwards A laugh you treasured fading from your mind the weight of a hug, longed for, but impossible to receive gentle words, silly inside jokes meals and treats and songs and just. Things I have more reason to lean away from certain video games than I ever did before Comics I avoid because they were his favorites Movies I can't watch on my own because they were things I experienced with him there's no old man with a protection to carry along he was my protection there's no combing the desert for signs of life it's not there Chips laden with toppings won't ever taste the same Precious things, treasured gifts, lost to time and damage, leaving little to hold to when time sweeps memories away like dirt over the threshold I wasn't ready but you're never ready it's painful it's strangling I have to keep going but sometimes I feel so so lost If grief isn't a one way street, though what exactly is it? and how to I move forward?

[creatinganewwlife]

The stars shone brightly the night you went away.

I remember thinking how pretty the sky was that night and i clicked these pictures, not knowing what would ensue minutes later. It was almost as if god wanted to light up the path that lead you to him?

I hope you reached your destination safe and sound and i hope you're not in pain anymore. I hope you're at peace. I hope you get to eat all your favourite dishes that you missed having so much. I hope you make new friends up there. I hope you get to live the rest of your life up there somehow.

It 's not fair, you were just 19. You were supposed to experience oh so much. I wish i had more time with you.

[sithprincex]

It’s so frustrating being gaslit by your mom as a 31 year old eldest daughter. Because you KNOW you’re being honest and truthful when you tell her she doesn’t engage with you when you’re excited about something or happy. And when she tells you “I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you think that way about me I’m sorry it’s not true but idk what to say.” You just fucking cry because you’ve heard this exact conversation with the other person being your ex wife. And you realize how fucked up in a cycle of violence you were in. And you just cry and hate and rage and just want to be held by someone you know believes everything you’ve ever told them. And you know, it’s fucked because you’ve seen it happen to yourself so many times and you’re tired of it. So you set a boundary. And even as a full grown adult, she somehow manages to make you feel like you’re 14 again, and she’s denying you’re depressed.

And you fucking hate it.

[fallenangel8882]

Its like when you went away a gaping black hole appeared

Sucking us in and ripping apart everything good that existed before.

One by one like dominos we’ve fallen and one by one everything is broken

A broken piece

A chip

A crack

And suddenly we are spiderwebbing out of control

The world is out of balance

Good and evil

And good has lost.

[melcatshenanigans]

I have a meeting next week about an opportunity to work for the schools newspaper. Any experience in writing will be great for transitioning into that career. Cookie would be proud of me, and that warms my heart.

I'm blowing off an honors event I was invited to.

I'm kind of thriving in school, despite the dumpster fire that is my entire fucking life.

One day at a time.

[thegriefbutton]

Soooo... Everyone meet Pickle 😍 he's 3 days old and we're definitely not out of the woods, but we're doing quite well so far!

I'm exhausted from a long day, so just enjoy the kitten and we'll see what tomorrow brings!

...I'm not sure I'm ready for getting up every 3 hours to feed him 🤣

[notsosecretmasochist]

The first time I watched The Unsleeping City was only a month after my mom died from Covid. It was my first D20 campaign and my first foray into ttrpgs in general. And I can't stop thinking about Sofia Lee and how similar we were. I was barely holding on. The world was ending, my mom was gone, I was so so angry. And Sofia was right there with me. Her story and mine resonated enough that this fictional woman from Staten Island helped me survive some of the worst months of my life.

"It is what it is" is a phrase I now associate deeply with grief. Grief is something you survive and endure until eventually you make it a part of yourself. But that takes a long time. Until then, there is just the reality of your pain and loss. Facing that reality and saying "it is what it is" was comforting for me.

Anyways, this is all to say that storytelling is so important. Because for every story that gets told, there is somebody that needs to hear it. Just like I needed to meet Sofie Bikes.