#Matilda (Shadows House)

[asanasterisk]

Mattie and Matilda

[fannfish]

way to write my girl out of the story

[stxrry-dxys]

btw if anything happens to the new debutant pairs i will simply cry (person who knows something is definitely gonna happen to them)

[creationcraftsblogsstuff]

Matilda

Book Shadow House by Dan Poblocki

Here is the first fanart of shadow house seriously this needs its own fandom!

[sunnysunsins]

Shadows house raws ch172 "First test"

Rough shitty translation under the cut

Keep in mind that this translation is not official in any way. I'm just a girlie with google and a good understanding of context clues and characters. I make these translations for people like me who aren't just satisfied with looking at pictures and waiting. I recommend having the chapter open on a different tab/device, translation is done line by line.

Also i have used and will be continue to use a fan name "March" for Matilda's doll bc it sounds cooler, lol. The official fan-tl calls her Mattie, but i'm not affiliated with anyone and can name her another thing.

[matildakate]

Margot Lockland - A House of Graves

Agent Margot Lockland, Muscle of the Hugo Company.

Jos's partner, Margot, is the definition of don't judge a book by its cover. The fashion-loving, short, stout girl is the unexpected attack dog of the Hugo Company. Having a background in special operations, Margot is the perfect agent...minus her temper. Then again, not having any memories of your life before being an agent would do that to a person.

After joining the Hugo Company and starting as Jos's partner, the team quickly realizes Margot and Jos make an explosive pair. Fighting over everything they could, it's a miracle they get anything done. But there isn't a job Wesley and Lockland couldn't get done.

Although, when faced with saving herself or risking it all to save Jos, what will the dedicated, perfectionist agent choose? The job or the boy with a slappable face?

Ghosts and secrets line every path the team takes on their new case. But when it takes a turn for the worst, and all signs point to certain death, can the Hugo Company solve their biggest mystery yet?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A note from M.K.

Thank you for checking out Margot! A House of Graves, my debut novel, is coming soon. What better way to build a community than to start sharing this fun and spooky world with you? <3

[kekaki-cupcakes]

Request for Nico di Angelo!

Hello! If it's okay, may I request Nico with a (GN or male) reader whos got like, super serious mommy issues? Like, they'll be in a bad mood during the last day of summer solely because of the fact that they have to see their mom once they get home. And it's not even bc they're a misbehaving kid, it's just because their mom absolutely sucks. Maybe where their mom has a bunch of pointless rules, too. Like, nothing to do with cats, praying every morning, going to church every Sunday and church school every Monday, etc. And readers just done with life during the year. They'll purposely go on quests the last week if they get the chance just so they don't have to go home, too. Lmao, just realized this is sorta venting in a way, so sorry. It's alr if you cant do my req. Take care and have a nice day/night!

this is a short one but I really like it, so... and by the way, if anyone ever wants to just vent in my inbox please feel free too, there's no judgement on this blog and you're so strong <3 <3 <3

You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own---Nico x reader with a shitty mum [fluff, dw] »»————-　★　————-««

-Nico would be that person who’d offer to kill anyone you hated

-But he would be completely serious

-Like, no fucking around. He knows how much you despise your mum. But it’s so very hard to hate parents because they're still your parents. Godly parents are a whole different story, but the mortal ones are hard to loathe without feeling shit about it inside, so it becomes this sort of silent resentment. 

-Nico knows that. Sort of… well, from knowing you, really. And he may have planned out your mortal mother's death in a very excruciating way, with a few backup plans just in case.

-You shut that down when he mentioned it subtly, so he went back to rubbing your back and bringing your favorite snacks from the stash Cecil had secretly [everyone knew] imported from the mortal shops, then hissing at people like a rabid cat when they asked where you were. 

-He’s very good at scaring campers off.

-You’d be eating shitty junk food and sweet red strawberries in your cabin and listening to Harry Styles’ song Matilda [Hazel had bought you his record for your birthday last year] pretending your head wasn’t spinning with thoughts about how much you wanted to run away from home, and then the shadow’s by your bed would thicken and your boyfriend would just launch himself onto you.

-You’d gotten pretty used to it, obviously, and now you were pretty much immune to jumpscares. 

-It was a handy skill to have considering how many horror movies you and Nico would watch together. He liked to critique how realistic the deaths actually were, and you liked to watch his nerdy face and tease him for jumping when Ghostface crept out from behind a doorway. 

-But sometimes, mainly the days before you had to return to your mother and the house filled with crosses and rules and arguments and not enough pet cats for your liking, not even movie marathons and picnics in the strawberry fields could help your mood.

-So, Nico would resort to his back up backup plan [not the murder one, the happy boyfriend one], which was cuddle piles. 

-It had taken him quite a while to get used to touch, but between Jason’s ‘how to ask out that random dude you're obsessed with’ classes [you were the random dude] and the fact you liked to hold his hands, he would say that he was quite the expert on hugs now. So he’d wear the biggest jumper he could find, probably one of Hazel’s flowery ones, and drag you into bed. 

-Thankfully his bed was no longer a coffin [they had been turned into bookshelves] and was big enough for you both to squish in. So he’d stroke your hair and nod understandingly when you scoffed about how stupid it was to send a literal child of a Greek God to a church. 

-It wasn’t even a nice church, apparently. It smelt like socks. 

-He had a very good speech for these complaints, which you both knew the words to by now.

One day, very soon, you’re gonna get a job, or a smart person class at college, and you’ll never have to go to Sunday school again. We’re gonna get our own house too. With lots of tea and toast. And rescue cats. And we can name them after your favorite famous people and book characters and we’ll have a huge squishy couch too we can watch horror movies on. 

There’ll be lots of posters on the walls and no one will tease you about being a little kid and you can wear whatever clothes you want. Maybe not orange ones though. I think we’re all sick of oranges. 

And all of our friends can visit whenever they want to, and we’ll have all of their snacks as well. And toothbrushes.  

And we can have Christmas there, without all of the bad stuff. We can decorate the tree really badly. You don’t have to invite your mum. At all. And if she shows up, her coffin will be shaped like a fish. They’re a real thing, you know, fish-shaped coffins. 

You’ll never have to see her again. We’ll have our own place. I promise.

You can throw a party full of everyone you know, and not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love. You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up.

I promise. 

»»————-　★　————-««

[frostios]

Idk if you’ve answered this already but if you have I can’t find it. How did Shadow react when Matilda first turned Mobian? Also, how did that happen?

How it happened is Shadow thought it was a fun idea to give his ant red chaos drives cause she seemed to eat them and he was curious if it'd make her stronger. After enough of them, a chao-like chrysalis forms around her and she goes through her mutation, kinda like how chaos grow up

i was talking about this with evander earlier about the first part of your question, so I'll just copy and paste my block of text here:

The scenario in my mind…. shadow comes in to his room after hearing a ruckus, thinking that cherry is getting into something they really shouldnt be, and then finds matilda surrounded by clothes shes been tossing around and struggling to figure out how to put on a shirt (to show where it falls in the timeline maybe its literally a hot honey shirt that amy got for him at the concert they went to). Shadows so put off for a sec cause who is this person how did they get in here how did i not hear or notice them enter. And then matilda succeeds in clothing and spots him and just lights up like !!!!!! And runs over to him. Shadow gets into his battle ready pose but just before she reaches him Cherry flies up between them and stops them both. The chao does their best to explain in their chao way and actually goes to grab Matildas old terrarium and hands it to shadow before pointing at Matilda, whos looking excited at the terrarium and pointing at it and making little happy noises like "yea!!! Thats my house!!!" And shadow just pieces it together from there until Matilda can talk enough to describe what she remembers when she mutated

[blaithnne]

Sketchbook Roleswap AU where Johanna was once well on her way to becoming a powerful witch, but upon realising all the studying just made her miserable she abandoned her studies to open a little bookshop in Trolberg. She still uses magic frequently - she rebinds all her books with her own special witchy flair, and uses it all the time in her daily life - but rarely her full power - much to the dismay of Hilda who dreams of following in her old footsteps and becoming a powerful witch, even if she isn’t very good at it.

Kaisa is an artist at heart, but gave up on that dream when her parents died and she dropped out of Art School to care for her infant sister, Frida. Unaware of any other family members and unable to pay rent in Trolberg, she moved to her family’s old abandoned cabin in the wilderness and found remote work whilst caring for her little sister.

Ten years pass as Frida grows up in the wilderness souronded by all kinds of magical creatures and fauna - becoming fascinated by it. On top of the studies that Kaisa dillegently hammers into her, she dedicates herself to researching magic despite being certain that she’d never be able to use it herself.

One day, seemingly out of the blue, they receive a letter from one Matilda Von Pilkvist - alleging that she’s only just discovered their existence and that she’s their aunt. Kaisa doesn’t believe it at first, but a visit confirms it when Tildy shows off old family pictures. This information comes in handy when the house is destroyed, and Kaisa has to begrudgingly show up on Tildy’s doorstep looking for a place for her and her little sister to stay. Tildy welcomes them in with open arms, encouraging them to make friends in the city, and for Kaisa to recapture her love of art now that she’s in a more stable environment

Shenanigans ensue as Frida explores Trolberg, making new friends and getting to delve deeper into the magical world - especially through her new friend Hilda! As Frida embarks on her journey to become a witch and Hilda learns to find happiness in her own path of being A Familiar instead of living in her mother’s shadow, it’s through their friendship that Kaisa meets the mysterious woman known primarily as The Bookbinder, in a cozy little bookshop just down the street

[4aceclover]

Some of my favorite moments from the shadows house Manga and anime

(of course spoilers ahead)

Anyone who's seen my previous post about my head cannons for mistress Shirley and Rum will immediately know that these two are my favorite more specifically Rum as she is just the sweetest little thing ever in the show

Here are some of the reasons why she's just so precious

Her photographic memory

Her ability to calculate things in her head very quickly

She's so shy that she has to use her finger to talk to people

She's actually a bit more tan than the rest of the characters making her stand out from that alone

The manga makes it clear that the animal associated with her would be a rabbit/bunny

She's incredibly shy around new people but enjoys people like emilico who are very outgoing and who can stand up for her

She doesn't like being a burden to other people around her (pretty sure a lot of us can relate to that)

I really do think that if mistress Shirley survived the debut she would have been a lot like Emilico just holding on to Rum hugging her and squeezing her face as rum lets people do that to her

She's totally touch starved

When I went back and looked through the manga I noticed that I wasn't the only person who thought Rum was too precious to hurt, it seems like a lot of other characters know to be gentle with her

For context about the scenes

Emilico pets Rum's hair in order to comfort her about her feelings about mistress Shirley and whether or not she deserves to save her during the debut

We never get to see this in the anime, but in the manga it's revealed that when Emilico and Rum first found the hut that had the orange tree in it rum was holding on to her dress the whole time and Emilico didn't seem to mind (it wouldn't surprise me if she told rum that it was okay for her to do that)

(Serious spoilers) During the chapter when they first meet Emilico, Shawn says close to the end of it that "the five of them will become close friends once they enter the house", and when he says that we see Lou putting her hand on Rum's back in a very gentle way as if to support her

(Serious spoilers) The last scene has Patrick patting Rum on the head as she looks like she's about to cry. Why let's just say him, Rum and Ricky were all yelled at by a mean Shadow causing them all to fly back in a cute anime style he pet her head in order to comfort her

And it's not just them being gentle with her it turns out many people also recognize her skills and compliment her for it

(seems like my head Cannon about her becoming friends with the future debut members was actually true I mean look at Matilda asking her to become friends with her that's the sweetest thing ever)

I think these scene speak for themselves

But my favorite part about all of this is her relationship with Emilico as the manga reveals in future chapters that the reason why Rum even has a bow on her finger to begin with is because of her

(Once again A Major spoilers but mostly for these two) for context, the name Rum and Rummy in the show come from a subconscious memory Rum has of her little toy bunny that she had back when she was in the village, the reason why she calls herself a Rum is because it comes from her old toys name… an old toy that just so happened to have a bow on its ear… the same bow that she now wears when we first met her, all the way up to the end of the debut. The lavender bow on Shirley's finger actually belonged to Rum before she entered the house (which explain the color she was given when she did enter the house)

This is one of the many reasons why I really love Rum, she is just a sweetheart of a character that just screams "MUST PROTECT!". I have a lot more head cannons for her than I do a Emilico or anybody else of this show, and I think it's because of the hidden potential they have with a character like her. They took full advantage of it and one of the earlier scenes and I hope they continue to do that. She's an underrated character with the most amount of potential for growth

[wellgoslowly]

what are songs you think the trio associates with each other. (example of lucy thinks of lockwood when blah plays and thinks of george when blah plays)

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS QUESTION !!!!

I went a bit overboard but here are the ones I chose!!

SONGS I THINK THAT LUCY ASSOCIATES WITH THE BOYS:

the good side by troye sivan

south london forever by florence + the machine

friends by laundry day

to build a home by the cinematic orchestra

SONGS I THINK THAT LUCY ASSOCIATES WITH LOCKWOOD:

baby you're a haunted house by gerard way

everybody loves me by one republic

end of beginning by djo

it's called: freefall by rainbow kitten surprise

touch tank by quinnie

grapejuice by harry styles

telephone by waterparks

eat your young by hozier

voulez-vouz by abba

this charming man by the smiths

SONGS I THINK THAT LUCY ASSOCIATES WITH GEORGE:

george by lowertown

all my ghosts by lizzie mcalpine

mad iqs by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

good old fashioned lover boy by queen

boys will be bugs by cavetown

cocaine jesus by rainbow kitten surprise

everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

vienna by billy joel

glue song by beabadoobee

freaks by surf curse

SONGS I THINK THAT GEORGE ASSOCIATES WITH LUCY:

these boots are made for walking by nancy sinatra

champagne supernova by oasis

stronger by britney spears

new romantics by taylor swift

seventeen going under by sam fender

killer queen by queen

would that i by hozier

twin size mattress by the front bottoms

brutal by olivia rodrigo

bloody mary by lady gaga

SONGS I THINK THAT GEORGE ASSOCIATES WITH LOCKWOOD:

be nice to me by the front bottoms

team by lorde

R.I.P 2 my youth by the neighbourhood

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant

little dark age by MGMT

trouble by valerie broussard

anti-hero by taylor swift

trouble by cage the elephant

applause by lady gaga

you're my best friend by queen

SONGS I THINK THAT LOCKWOOD ASSOCIATES WITH LUCY:

lucy lucy by betcha

maneater by nelly furtado

burning pile by mother mother

candy by robbie williams

sweet dreams, TN by the last shadow puppets

she's kerosene by the interrupters

volcano girls by veruca salt

don't take the money by bleachers

the adults are taking by the strokes

blue hair by tv girl

SONGS I THINK THAT LOCKWOOD ASSOCIATES WITH GEORGE:

best friend by conan gray

act my age by one direction

paper mache world by matilda mann

lifetime achievement award by lemon demon

the knife by maggie rodgers

soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos

orgasm of death by the growlers

how I survived bobby mackey's personal hell by lincoln

ghosting (live sessions) by mother mother

weird science by oingo boingo

I had so much fun with this tbh I love assigning songs to characters so it was really fun to do it through the eyes of other characters!!

[fannfish]

yes !!!!!!!!

[madwomansapologist]

━ ✧ i'm flattered... and alarmed (welcome!)

rules ☾ taglist ☾ library ☾ wips ☾ recs ☾ AO3 ☾ ko-fi

━ ✧ how am I ever going to explain this in my prayers...? (masterlists!)

the good place ☾ the vampire diaries ☾ marvel ☾ sandman ☾ the addams family ☾ dc comics ☾ scream ☾ halloween ☾ the boys ☾ game of thrones ☾ lord of the rings ☾ hades ☾ alice in bordeland ☾ brooklyn nine-nine ☾ disney ☾ one piece ☾ you ☾ the fall of the house of usher ☾ the glory ☾ baldur's gate 3 ☾ mean girls

━ ✧ you don’t need to stick your hands in every hole you find (events!)

holiday specials ☾ taylor swift writing challenge ☾ birthday event 

━ ✧ you have to do more leg work before I commit to hip work (not writing for anymore!)

friday 13th ☾ carrie ☾ the bear

━ ✧ don’t wear her out priest, I may have need of her (open to write for!)

community ☾ pushing daisies ☾ good omens ☾ the haunting of hill house ☾ the haunting of bly manor ☾ midnight mass ☾ pride and prejudice ☾ matilda ☾ kingsman ☾ the folk of the air ☾ doki doki literature club ☾ the way of the househusband

━ ✧ you can't cast a shadow without some light (reading project!)

notes on the hobbit ☾ #reading the hobbit 

━ ✧ do you know why i love night orchids? (about me!)

i'm from brasil, graduating in journalism and finally got a job! still learning english. obsessed with baldur's gate 3, tolkien and lee pace.

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[queerplatonicshipshowdown]

Round 1 starts Monday, September 4, 2023!

Here are your match-ups (links under the cut):

Preliminaries:

Balloon and Suitcase (Suitloon) from Inanimate Insanity vs. Test Tube and Fan (Fantube) from Inanimate Insanity

Round 1:

Chance and Shadow from WOE.BEGONE vs. Zolf Smith and Oscar Wilde (Zoscar) from Rusty Quill Gaming Podcast

Karina Lyle and Ryan Goldsmith (goldenrose) from Tiger & Bunny vs. Barbie "Malibu" Roberts and Barbie "Brooklyn" Roberts (Barbie^2) from Barbie

Lord Viren and King Harrow (Virrow) from The Dragon Prince vs. Balloon and Suitcase (Suitloon) from Inanimate Insanity

Ainsley Ainsley, Antone Postminger, and The Gap (horseycule) from Legendlark vs. Kurusu Kazuki and Suwa Rei (Kazurei) from Buddy Daddies

John Doe and Arthur Lester from Malevolent vs. Caspar von Bergliez and Linhardt von Hevring (Casphardt) from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Ronan Lynch and Richard Campbell Gansey III (Ronsey) from The Raven Cycle vs. Kotetsu T. Kaburagi and Barnaby Brooks Jr. (Taibani) from Tiger and Bunny

Rosé, York, and Grendan from Drawtectives vs. Bakugou Katsuki and Kirishima Eijirou (Kiribaku) from My Hero Academia

Adagumo no Yaorochi and Sukune Katano (YaoSuku) from Le'en Project vs. Hardwon Surefoot and Moonshine Cybin (Hardshine) from Not Another D&D Podcast

--

Crowley and Aziraphale (Ineffable Husbands) from Good Omens vs. Jonathan Sims and Alice “Daisy” Tonner (JonDaisy) from The Magnus Archives

Hooty and Lilith from The Owl House vs. Jane McKeene and Katherine Deveraux from Dread Nation

Moiraine Damodred and Lan Mandragoran from Wheel of Time vs. Jennifer Walters and Patsy Walker (patsyjen) from Marvel

Camilla Hect and Palamades Sextus (Campal) from The Locked Tomb vs. Kazuma Asogi and Ryunosuke Naruhodo (Asoryuu) from The Great Ace Attorney

Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley (Stobin) from Stranger Things vs. Bells Broussard and Emma Robledo from Sidekick Squad series

Daisy Tonner and Basira Hussain (Daisira) from The Magnus Archives vs. Percival King and Ramsey Murdoch (Ramsival) from Epithet: Erased

Sakuko Kodama and Satoru Takahashi from Koisenu Futari vs. Jughead Jones and Sabrina Spellman from Jughead Jones

Gon Freecs and Killua Zoldyck (Killugon) from Hunter × Hunter vs. Mako Mori and Raleigh Beckett from Pacific Rim

--

Stanford Pines and Fiddleford McGucket (Fiddauthor) from Gravity Falls vs. Jem Carstairs and Will Herondale (Heronstairs) from The Shadowhunter Chronicles

Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye (royai) from Fullmetal Alchemist vs. Stanley Barber and Sydney Novak from I Am Not Okay With This

Maz Kanata and Dexter Jettster from Star Wars the High Republic vs. The Doctor and Missy from Doctor Who

Fennec Shand and Boba Fett from Star Wars vs. Curt Mega and Tatiana Slozhno from Spies Are Forever

Lapis Lazuli and Peridot (Lapidot) from Steven Universe vs. Gwen Poole and Quentin Quire (Gwentin) from West Coast Avengers

The Doctor and Jack Harkness from Doctor Who vs. John - 117 and Cortanna from Halo

Ellie Miller and Alec Hardy (Millardy) from Broadchurch vs. Moomintroll and Snufkin (Snufmin) from Moominvalley

Beth Tezuka and Plum (PlumBeth) from Bravest Warriors vs. Allan and Weird Barbie from The Barbie Movie

--

Edgin Darvis and Holga Kilgore from Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves vs. Jolteon and Crap Gorps from Dogs In Love 2

Starscream and Skyfire (Skystar) from Transformers vs. Anne, Marcy, and Sasha (Sashannarcy) from Amphibia

Robbie & factoryAI from Void Terrarium vs. Perle and Dejean from Our Bloody Pearl

Matilda and Drea from Everything's Gonna Be Okay vs. Taion and Eunie (TaiEunie) from Xenoblade Chronicles 3

Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak (Meowrails) from Homestuck vs. Jessie and James from Pokémon

Roxas and Xion from Kingdom Hearts vs. Tang and Pigsy (Freenoodles) from LEGO Monkie Kid

Zelda and Link (Zelink) from Tears of the Kingdom vs. Shin and Noi from Dorohedoro

MK and Mei (goldendragon) from LEGO Monkie Kid vs. Yelena Belova and Kate Bishop (Bishova) from Marvel

[celiaelise]

Just read chapter 169 of Shadows House, and I am so excited but so concerned for the new kiddos!!!!

Stella and Candy really intrigue me, because they have a lot of parallels to Kate and Emi! The fact that the first shot of them is Stella's shoes and socks, which look remarkably similar to Kate's? And that Stella named her something dissimilar to her own name, the red and the bows, and she's eating bread that she "shares" with Candy. (the physics of that accident seem debatable lol, but I will try and ignore that.) And that Candy's face is fully unveiled??? Hinting at her individuality/humanity? Much to ponder... Though, obviously Stella doesn't share Kate's temperment. She kinda seems like...the "Kate" Edward wishes he got at her debut.

There are a lot of pretty obvious parallels between these five pairs and Kate's cohort, as well, in both their personalities and color schemes. However, none seem to have as weak a connection as Shirley and Rum did. Even though we didn't see Laurel speak, (though the last speech bubble in their wide shot was a little ambiguous to me, so maybe we did?) Lulu spoke to her several times, and they're clearly used to making physical contact. The most ambiguous is Danny and Dan, but I wouldn't think Danny would be that powerful if Dan had been withdrawn like Rum?

I think it's very sweet how Mattie seems to be on top of things for Matilda! Very adorable that she brought a picnic basket; queen of being prepared. They seem to be the John/Shaun pair of this cohort.

Okay, so I went back to the chapters about Margaret's, um, episode, and, in addition to, of course, Stella and Candy, Matilda and Maddie seem to be among those who Patrick evacuates. And likely also Laurel and Lulu?? See below:

I wonder if the soot reached into their rooms, or if they were already breaking the rules? ALSO:

This seems like it could be Oscar and Oskar?? (very confusing name choice btw) and this panel follows Patrick observing that all the children with powers, specifically, have been captured. (Though it doesn't seem like he was entirely correct about that) So that might give us some information about Oscar? And explain how Matilda already knows him. Doesn't explain why he headed out for a 11:15am appointment at four in the morning, though! Absolutely unhinged behavior. Please get some sleep, gentlemen.

So, if I'm correct, out of these five pairs, we have: at least four of them have been out of their rooms prior to the debut, likely interacting with other children both within and outside their cohort. All of them seem to have formed strong shadow/face bonds. (to the point where one pair showed up holding hands and one shared "nice" bread in front of everyone) One of the faces is an independent enough thinker to have packed provisions without her shadow's oversight. Matilda, at least, knows they'll be spending time in the garden during the debut. And the current star bearers expressed the intention to coach all of them before their debut. I can't help but feel that Edward is in for another miserable debut day.

Also, is the implication of the first few panels that Kate has copies of the paperwork on the debutantes?? If so, love that for her. I'm a big fan of this new "spymaster" direction her arc is taking.

[day0walkersdrafts]

Benny can tell it’s bad when Lark isn’t saying anything.

The truck rocks back and forth as it speeds down an abandoned back road, jostling them together—Lark, crouched behind Benny, arms underneath his, holding him upright. His mouth is close to Ben’s ear, heavy breathing tickling his skin. It’s not unpleasant. Sort of distracts him from the agony in his leg. There is no descriptor for that sort of pain; his teeth chatter and his whole body twitches and his hands feel numb and distant. It is so blinding that he keeps snapping in and out of consciousness. Awake and then dark, awake and then dark. Sweat pours down Benny’s face, gets into his sensitive eyes, drips off his nose and chin.

The smell of blood is nauseatingly strong. The copper of it is inside his mouth, on his tongue. When his tunnel vision focuses, it’s on all the wet spread of it across his pant leg. He can see white. He can see bone.

“This fu-fucking blows,” he manages in a desperate sort of a whisper.

“You’re alright—it’s gonna be alright, Ben—you’re alright—”

Which is what they say when you are most certainly not going to be alright.

—

He survives surgery. He does not survive his girlfriend.

“Stupid,” Nomi seethes, bent over him. Tears drip off her chin. Her shaking, pale hands are clasped into the scratchy white cotton blanket so hard that tendons stand out in her wrists. She’d painted her nails recently—a pretty teal color. She’d sent him a photo and everything. Now there’s big chunks missing, like she’d picked at them nervously while Nick had rearranged his shin into something resembling human shape.

“It should have been your neck.” She catches herself on a sob, falling closer to him on the hospital bed. Her dark blue hair is wild and messy—she has no make up on. Looks more disheveled than he’d ever seen her. Benny lifts a hand and cups her cheek, which is rosy in color and soft, just like the petal.

“Next time,” he manages in a husky whisper, and he’s happy to at least hear one laugh before the painkillers yank him right back under.

***

He dreams, shockingly, of Benji.

It should be Maran. Or Lark. Or Matilda—Nomi. Even Xavier, who sometimes flits between that softened house husband version of himself and the terrifying Shadow who had stalked through warzones with a sledgehammer. Who had smiled with blood between his teeth. It could have been anyone; random mercenary, the Doctor who had sewn his leg back together.

But instead, it’s Benji.

“Couldn’t ‘ave dodged that shotgun blast?” Benji’s asking, Benny’s leg hefted across his lap. He has a medics bag open, a sewing needle and hospital grade thread pinched between gloved fingers.

They’re inside his childhood bedroom. A corner room in a shit apartment, size of a closet. Mattress on the floor, too poor for a dresser so he folded his clothes and put them on the floor. Little line up of dinosaur toys on the windowsill. Benny’s breathing so fast and hard it’s making him dizzy. The lights aren’t on, but he can see Benji in the dark perfectly.

He slides the needle through Benny’s blood-wet skin. It doesn’t feel like anything except pressure and a tug.

“Cold,” Benny whispers. “That’s cold, Corporal.” It makes Benji snort, black eyes flickering up from his work. He’s watercolor thin in the dream, hazy at the edges. Not altogether there, because Benny had been afraid to really look at him back when they’d all visited. Benny had felt ashamed and curious and awkward and more than anything, he’d felt seething jealousy.

The door to his bedroom creaks open, the sound painful inside his skull. Light from the hallway spills in around the silhouette of his father, who is just a tall, dark Shadow with two white dots for eyes. Benny’s chest starts moving faster, his hand reaching for Benji. He can see the belt in his hand, unfurl, like a snake.

“Benji, go faster,” Benny whispers, his voice thick and wet. “Please. Please.” The heavy sound of his fathers foot steps are similar to mortars going off in the background.

“If Xavier had, back then? Where do you think Maran would be?”

I don’t want to think about that, I don’t want to imagine that, what do you want, for me to say sorry? Look at you, you got the happy ending, it’s fine, it’s fucking fine, stop judging me, I was just scared, I am always just scared, and it hurts! It hurts!

“Oi, this fuck,” Benji laughs. “Loser never could pick on someone his own size?” He tilts his head over his shoulder, chin petulantly tucked. He raises a hand, pantomimes a gun, thumb cocked back. The Shadow of his father raises that belt and Benji clicks his tongue.

They’re in the hospital suddenly, Benji in his SAS uniform, legs kicked up and resting on the bed. His hands folded over his stomach now. Benji smiles—Benny, shamefully, remembers just that detail about him the most because Benji had been really fucking pretty when he’d smiled at Xavier.

“Thank you,” is what Benny thinks he manges to say, but consciousness sort of blows through him just like the shotgun blast to the leg.

***

“I have to leave soon,” Nomi says, sitting on the edge of the bed. She’s fluffed and arranged his pillows over seven times now, but he lets her because it seems more nervous habit than anything else. Something to do with her hands. Benny blinks tired eyes, his hand settling softly onto her tapered waist. He squeezes, just to feel his own strength. She playfully swats the hand, but she’s smiling, so he knows he’s fine.

“Why?”

“Flight leaves in five hours and I haven’t got shite packed, swear. Always leave it for last minute—but you know me. Can’t help it.”

Benny follows, but he’s still dizzy, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. He gives her another gentle squeeze and Nomi slides forward a bit. All things considered, Ben’s upper body was fine—bruises and cuts and nothing more. It was just that stupid right fucking leg that’s suspended in air by a sling. He hates looking at it, but there isn’t much to look at if Nomi isn’t in the room.

Matilda had drawn something obscene on the cast just to get him to smile.

“Where are you going?”

“Liverpool.”

“Jealous,” Benny laughs, eyes shutting. It’s not the first time since landing in the base hospital that he’s imagining Maran. Actually, every single night he slips to sleep he tries imagining Maran. Since that first dream of Benji, he’s either not dreamed at all, or things have been blurry, nothing to remember. He wants one dream of Maran, of his smile, or his hands, or the way he dresses, the smell of him.

“Right, well, don’t need to be. Bringing him here.”

“You’re fucking what?”

Ben sits up straighter then, bracing a hand on the bed to give himself leverage. Hospital equipment beeps in the background. The room is dull gray but private—this isn’t a main base of operations. It’s sort of like a giant storage shed, like a safe house that people bunker down in. He’s only ever been to this one a few times.

Nomi’s light brown eyes blink, her hands pushing against Benny’s shoulders to force him back down flat. He’s shocked that she manages—couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag, but he’s so fucking weak that he crumbles at her touch.

“Nomi, y-you can’t bring Maran here.” Panic makes his voice reedy and high pitched.

“He’s worried about you.”

“You c-can’t bring him here.” He gestures with a desperate hand to the door. Outside, he knows there are men with guns. Women strapped with knives. Little specialists and snipers and—and military things. Violent things. Benny’s chest tightens, constricts on his lungs like a vice. He closes his eyes to the feeling, pressing a hand to his forehead. “He’ll—this isn’t—you know why he—”

“Give Maran credit,” Nomi snaps, her dark, prefect brows knotted together. She’s frowning at him, so pretty still. Rolls her eyes and flaps a hand toward the door he’s indicating. “And this isn’t even like, one of the active bases. Listen, he’s worried.”

“You sh-shouldn’t have told him anything.”

Nomi stands then, her cheeks darkening to a crimson color. Her eyes narrow, all the pretty light brown disappearing. He’d not even noticed she was in jeans. A t-shirt. She wouldn’t look like herself, if she wasn’t so herself all the time. Benny blinks up at her, feeling a cold dread inside his stomach.

“You’re wretched for that, Ben. Proper fuckin’ wretched—and should be ashamed. You think he doesn’t have a right to know? Or see you? What is he then? Just a lad you screw once in a while for fun?”

“No—”

“Because if you’re thinkin’ of him like that, then stop thinkin’ of him at all.”

“Jesus, Nomi, I’m not—”

She’s crying again, little ones that weep down her cheeks prettily. Benny feels the weight of his shame and guilt like a car’s rolled over on him. Compressed to the littlest thing. He holds out a hand—and for a moment, he’s horrified she might not take it. Horrified, but also, that he’d deserve her walking out the door. She isn’t wrong—it was a disgusting thing to say.

But she does take it. Her hand is small and soft as it slides across his palm. She steps a bit closer. The clicking sound of her heeled boots is so comforting.

“Promise not t-to repeat this,” he says quietly. “’Cause y-you’re right, I’m a f-fucking bastard. But, I want t-to say it to him. Not that he hears it f-from you. I know you two fucking t-text all the time.”

“He’s funny,” she mutters defensively. “He sends me cute animal pictures.”

“I love Maran,” Benny continues. He watches her blink rapidly, tears like little gems dropping off her round, soft jaw. He feels one land on his hand. It’s not too dissimilar from the expression she’d made when he’d confessed the very same thing to her; in a hotel they were sharing, directly after the Shadows had combusted. He’d said it, and she’d stared at him, with those giant, pretty eyes.

“I w-want to see him, but I love him—and I don’t w-want him—I just don’t want him to—I want him to b-be okay. And—this is all pretty fuckin’ weird.”

There was dating a mercenary and then there was seeing into that mercenary’s life. A year ago, when they’d first come together, getting Maran to leave his apartment for a food truck down the street had been difficult. There was so much substantial progress; he would fucking kill himself if he was the reason it all got ruined. Him and his broken leg and this mercenary hospital-safe house-not base.

Benny swallows hard and lays his head back against that seven time fluffed pillow. He closes his eyes and feels an odd prickling behind the lids. His cheeks are hot and feverish, even though the rest of him feels so, so cold.

Nomi’s cool hand touches his forehead.

“It’ll be alright, Ben.”

He believes her more than he’d believed Lark.

—

Benny turns out to not…really be that wrong, however.

Maran throws up before even getting on the train. Nomi pretends not to know he’s thrown up, because she wants to afford him that dignity, but it’s also obvious—and his hands are shaking when he hands over his ticket to the surly red capped man on the train. She thinks, not for the first time, that maybe Benny was right. That pushing something like this was actually horrific of her, that she was in the wrong. That she was being awful.

But when the train starts moving, he settles a bit. Leans with his forehead against the glass, shoulders rising and falling sort of heavily, but evenly. Nomi sips her tea from the little paper cup. Extra creamy the way she likes it.

“Maran,” she says, getting his attention. It goes to her so quickly that it kind of makes her dizzy. Like he was just waiting for her to want him; and she feels guilty about that too. Don’t you know, I want you too? I want you to want my attention. I want you, have I not made that obvious? God, I want you. She licks tea from her lips and sets the cup aside.

She goes to sit beside him, which sort of shoves them together some. It’s not unpleasant—for her anyway. He has a boyish scent to him, like the soap he uses is the same from his school years. She wants to draw her hand over his short hair. Christ, she wants to kiss him or something, really. But he’s blinking at her.

“Can you tell me about something?” she requests, pulling his hand into her lap. It’s clenched until she wiggles her fingers between them. All at once, he softens entirely. Like he was a clenched muscle that’s only just relaxing. Nomi holds his hand up to her lips, eyebrows raised, smiling.

“Oh,” he says, laughing. “Nomi, I’d—I would tell you anything.”

“Can you talk to me about Benji, then?”

“Benji?” Maran laughs around the name; he has such a familiarity in saying it. Like it was a reoccurring word his whole life. Benji, Benji, Benji. Nomi grins, presses a swift kiss to the tops of his knuckles. Her dark maroon lipstick smudges a bit there, leaves a cute little tattoo of her. His cheeks flood with color, the same color, she thinks. It makes her—God, it makes her love him for a moment.

“He’s like—well. Benji’s where it all started, yeah? Xavier met him and then everything changed.” She shifts a bit, gets comfortable. Tucks a leg underneath her. Pretends not to notice that Maran’s eyes fall right to her thighs and then back up with innocence. She continues holding his hand.

“I’ve never met ‘im. Been sort of afraid to.”

“You?” he says it and then seems to immediately regret it.

“I get scared!” Nomi laughs. The sound seems to ease him even more, which makes her ego feel full and buoyant. “He scares me. Not like him. But—it all began with Benji. If you trace it all back, the whole thing, roots go to Benji. Xavier and him. So—could you talk to me about him?”

There’s a long pause where Maran looks at her. He’s taller, so she has to tilt her head up to look at him. She thinks about kissing him again. The feel of his lips on hers. So different from Benny’s. So similar, in that it has this right sort of feeling. He wets his lips with his tongue and then looks down, smiling.

“Benji,” he starts.

And doesn’t stop for the whole train ride.

—

“I don’t care how fucking cute he is,” Matilda says, standing outside Ben’s room. They both look through the windowed door. They watch, together, as Maran folds down on top of Benny. His shoulders shake. Nomi feels like they should turn around and give them privacy, but Matilda is planted firmly, eyes narrowed. “You are better than me.”

“You do not think that,” Nomi replies with a sarcastic snort.

“If Lark had a boyfriend, I would string him up.”

“Lark doesn’t,” Nomi says, fully turning her back on the scene. She leans against the door. Shuffles until she’s covering the window—Matilda stares at her with flat eyes. “You know it’s not the same.”

“So what is it?” Matilda asks. Her posture relaxes, arms unfolding. She puts her hands on her hips, face taking on a more concerned expression. It doesn’t really suit her—but that’s why Nomi loves her so much for it. Because it doesn’t suit her, but that she feels it for Nomi anyway. Concern. Worry. Care.

“Complicated, I guess,” Nomi says, looking down at her hands. She’d completely peeled all her nail polish away. “But,” she lifts them then and laces all her fingers together. “I think we’re figuring it out, yeah?”

“No,” Matilda replies. But then hooks her arm around Nomi’s and begins leading her elsewhere. “But if it works for you.”

If it works for all three, Nomi thinks. All three.

—

“I can’t believe yo-you were on a train,” Ben says, grinning. Maran’s eyes are slightly puffy, his cheeks and nose red from crying. He’d burst into it almost immediately at seeing Benny in the hospital bed; which had done things to Benny’s heart he didn’t want to think about. Now he sits, almost in the exact same place Nomi had been the day prior. Both of his hands hold one of Benny’s. They’re sort of too big to get away with that, but he’s warm and comforting and making it work.

“Only thought I was going to die maybe once,” Maran admits in a soft, humored tone. He sniffs here and there, remnants of tears still clinging to his gorgeous eye lashes. Benny’s free hand sneaks over and squeezes his thigh.

“Thanks,” he finally says. There’s a catch in his voice. He clears his throat. Benny’s eyes bounce around the room, stray to and from Maran and then he finally closes his eyes. “Maran, thank you for coming—”

“Can we kiss?”

He laughs out, the painkillers making his head foggy and dull. Benny’s hand squeezes Maran’s thigh again, eyes painfully peeling open. His head sags to the side on the pillow. For a second, he’s accidentally bewildered at the sight of the other man—here, in the room with him. Outside his apartment. In his silly SEGA shirt, his eyes rimmed and red. Hair freshly bleached. Benny’s heart speeds up, the monitor on the side traitorously beeping and making Maran glance at it.

“Am I doing that?” he asks, in a shockingly smug voice. Benny lifts his hand from Maran’s thigh and hooks a finger into the collar of his shirt.

“C’mere, you fuckin’ brat,” he whispers and pulls them together to kiss.

—

All three of them are on the outskirts of the base, looking at the thick line of trees. It’s middle of nowhere vibes, but pretty instead of spooky. Reminds Ben, for a moment, of Xavier and Benji’s dumb little house in the woods. He drags on his cigarette, tilts his head back to blow smoke up into the air.

“Bleh,” Nomi huffs, swatting it away with a gloved hand. It’s not even that cold out, but she acts anemic and pathetic. Sniffs here and there. Nomi and nature don’t get along too well.

Maran, in opposite, treks from the edge of the woods, holding up a leaf the size of his head.

“I’m keeping this,” he says confidently.

“No one can stop you,” Benny replies. He shifts a bit on the wheelchair. Maran comes to stand in front of him, twirling the leaf by the stem and smiling. He has that smile on—the one that Benny usually only sees in confidence. In his bedroom, late at night when he’s talking about something he’s fond of. When they’re together, watching a show, when they’ve just got done fucking and Maran is looking blissed out of his mind and—well, Benny sort of hopes, it’s love. That he’s got love in that smile.

“Doctor says I h-have to uh,” Benny leans down to stub the cigarette on the ground and then awkwardly tuck it into the top of one combat boot. The cast on his other leg makes wearing two impossible. “Maybe—might need help getting around and all that. For a bit.”

“He’s trying to ask if he can stay with you for a while,” Nomi says. Benny glares over his shoulder at her, and she responds by sticking out her tongue. When he swings his head back to look at Maran, he’s bludgeoned by the look on his face. It drops quickly, like he might be embarrassed by it; but for a moment, Maran had a look of pure excitement. He schools his expression to something neutral. Which, for Maran, is actually still a bit of a smile.

“Yeah, basically,” Benny says unceremoniously, tossing his hands up into the air.

“I think he’s just trying to get you in a maid dress,” Nomi sighs. “Don’t let him boss you around too much, babe.”

“You can.” Maran steps forward, that silly leaf still in his hand. “If—I mean, if you’re serious. You can—my place. For however long.”

The wind sort of whips around them just then. It makes Nomi’s hair fan around her. She couches, as if hiding behind the wheelchair to get away from it. Hands curled over the edge, looking at Benny with big, glossy eyes. Maran steps forward too, tucks an arm around his face to save it from the biting cold. Benny doesn’t do anything. He just sits there, in wonder. Awe. Looks down at his casted leg—there’s still that filthy weird drawing Matilda had put there.

“Yeah, I’d like to.”

“Say no to the maid dress,” Nomi quips.

“And you can visit,” Maran says, his smile bashful. “Right?”

Nomi, stunned into silence, only manages to nod. Benny slings an arm around her shoulder, yanking her in close to kiss the top of her head and make her howl with annoyance. She wiggles free, dances toward Maran, tucks herself behind him. Holds onto his biceps and glares around his shoulder.

“He’ll be awful and annoying the whole time, Mar.”

Benny loves watching Maran’s face when she uses the nickname. He loves—oh fuck, does he fucking love them.