#Mentions of homophobia

[nightmarerodent]

I need more of that sweet kung Jin angst

Ask and you shall receive 😈 This one came out more hurt and comfort tho. Hope that’s ok.

Kung Jin knew he should have expected they’d try to pull something like this, prideful assholes that they were. He just wasn’t expecting how pissed off the whole thing would make him. How pissed off they would make him.

After months of research, planning, and preparations, of getting pointers from Scor- Grandmaster Hasashi, and with the aid of Lord Fujin, Kung Jin was able to enter the Netherrealm and bring his uncle home at long last. It was a remarkable feat, one that his friends wanted to help with, but one that he insisted he had to do alone. Jacqui, to his surprise, was the hardest to convince. Though with how the Briggs household stressed the importance of family, he came to understand why she was so insistent. Takeda talked her down though. This had been a mater of honor, something he understood well. If he needed them, he’d call. She practically forced him to promise to do so at the first sign of trouble.

After three grueling months he returned home with a restored Kung Lao. After some days recovering a celebration was held at the Wu Shi. Johnny put the whole thing together, and new and old defenders alike gathered to welcome their lost brother home as well as catch up. He should have known news of his success and his uncle’s return would have reached his family.

He didn’t notice when they arrived. His back had been turned as he and Jacqui exchanged playful witty jabs that had their friends laughing, Takeda’s arm wrapped around his girlfriend’s waist and Cassie recording the whole thing for posterity. The academy’s wine stores had been broken into hours before and they were all thoroughly buzzed. Probably why he was so willing to cause a scene in front of his new friends. Some of which didn’t know the full extent of his oh so tragic backstory.

“Jin Jin!” He heard his mother’s overly kind, well practiced, voice call out, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to shoot up and all air to vacate his lungs.

The group’s voices silenced immediately, sensing his drastic shift in mood as he whipped himself around and came face to face with the people he hoped he’d never see again. His mother and father, dressed to the nines and without a hair out of place, his sister, the only one with an apologetic smile and ‘I’m sorry’ eyes, her dick head of a husband and his upturned nose, wishing he was anywhere but here, some younger cousins or nephews he’s never seen before, born after his exile from the family compound. Smiles were painted on painted lips. The stench of expensive perfume slapped you in the face. His mother always did love to flaunt their wealth and status in front of the lesser folk.

“Oh, there’s my brave boy,” her honeyed words tastes like soured milk, “I always knew you’d live up expectations, even after running away.”

“Ran… away…?” Jin couldn’t quite process what he was hearing.

“You caused such a stir, you should have heard what those snakes were hissing, but we can look past all of that now. They’ll be biting their tongues after this. You’ve brought such honor to the family bringing Kung Lao back to us. And thwarting Shinnok too! A statue has already been made in your likeness to add to Raiden’s collection,” she continued, “You’ve done well to cement the family name into that of legend.”

“Ran away?” Jin just dumbly repeated, anger started to boil over.

“I know we have a lot to discuss once we get back home,” it was his father’s turn to speak, “You are expected to take up responsibility now that you’re a man of the family, but we can speak more on that later. For now, let’s enjoy the festivities.”

“I’m sorry, ran away?!” Kung Jin’s voice dripped venom and his volume rose with each syllable, “Are you ready trying to spin it that I ran away?! Is that what you’ve been telling people?!”

“Jin, that’s no way to speak to your-” his mother tried but he cut her off.

“You bastards kicked me out! You said I was a disgrace! ‘Blight on the family name’. That’s what you called me, right?” Jin spat, not caring that he was undoubtedly making a scene.

“It was hard for everyone but I realize now my mistake,” his father put a hand on his shoulder, “We’ve all talked it over and we’re willing to look past your… affliction. The head of the Huang Mining conglomerate, Mr. Guo, you remember him, yes? He has a son with similar interests. We could arrange something. Perhaps if you two met we could-”

Jin swatted his father’s hand away as if it burned his flesh. Of course. Of fucking course. Of course they’d come here and try to take his accomplishment as their own. Or course they’d only accept him back into the fold if it benefited them in some way. Fuck that and fuck them. Whatever BS his parents were trying to pull, he’ll have none of it.

“My affliction?” He got in his father’s face, “I’m gay, not diseased. You threw me out onto the streets at fourteen because I didn’t fit your oh so precious image of the great and mighty Kung name. I had to make it on my own, look after myself, for years and in that time I’ve realized that I don’t need or want you. I don’t need to regain my honor because I never lost it. If anything it’s you people bringing shame to the family, not me!”

“Watch your tone, Kung Jin! I am still your father!”

“If I could remove your blood from my veins and give it back I would.”

A few things happened next, or perhaps a bit before. Jin was too preoccupied with his family to notice his team behind him. He didn’t see the look Takeda and Jacqui shared or her squeezing his arm and nodding before letting him go. He didn’t see Cassie about to march up and give his family a piece of her mind. He didn’t see Jacqui stopping her to whisper something in her ear or her bringing her phone back up and hitting record.

He did notice, however, the hand of his best friend clasping his shoulder and bringing him back and the rush of external calm that came with Takeda entering his brain unannounced. He noticed how he turned Jin to face him, how he invited himself into his personal space.

“Calm down,” his friend shushed him, running one hand through his hair and drawing their faces alarmingly close to one another, “You’re causing a fuss.”

And Takeda kissed him. Like it was nothing at all, like it’s just a thing you do, Takeda kissed him.

Play along. Takeda’s voice rang in his head. We need to make this look good.

Takeda’s free hand took Jin’s and guided it to his hip. He grabbed on with a vice grip, the only thing keeping him grounded in whatever strange reality he had just found himself in, and pulled the smaller man in, deepening the kiss and enticing an almost real sounding moan out of Takeda. Jin had no clue what the hell was going on. His, admittedly hot as fuck, best friend was kissing him in front of his homophobic parents. And said best friend’s girlfriend. And gods know who else. Jin thought he heard a laugh but his mind was too preoccupied with the impromptu make out session going on to pay it any mind.

You’re a shit kisser by the way.

Jin broke it off and pulled away, “Well, fuck off. Judgmental prick!”

“Damn,” Cassie approached them, a smug looking Jacqui not far behind, “They clearer out before you two could start humping each other. That would have done numbers on social.”

Jin looked around and sure enough, his family was nowhere to be seen, running to the hills in the face of such a shameful act as two men kissing. He hadn’t even heard them scurrying off.

“Worked like a charm though,” Takeda’s face was flushed but otherwise he looked rather proud of himself, “I don’t think they’ll be bothering us anymore tonight.”

“They better not because Plan B is punching them,” Jacqui added.

“I thought Plan B was inviting them to the orgy?” Cassie asked jokingly.

“You need five people for it to be an orgy, Cass. Otherwise it’s just a four way.” Takeda told her.

“Then we invite Frost. Problem solved.” Cassie rolled her eyes dismissively.

“I’m sorry. Slow down. What the fuck just happened?” Jin interjected, bringing the conversation back on track and away from whatever brain worm tangent they were currently going down.

“Why the hell did you just kiss me?” He asked Takeda before turning his attention to the usually territorial Briggs, “And why are you cool with it?”

“It was my idea,” Jacqui shrugged, nonchalant in her response.

“We figured you’d appreciate us messing with them Kung Jin style rather than just simply telling them off,” Takeda explained, returning to his girlfriend’s side, “Sorry for springing it on you like that. Didn’t have a lot of time to warn you.”

Kung Jin looked between the two of them, trying to decide if he was violated or not, but everything felt so unreal at the moment. Because they were right. This kind of stunt is absolutely the kind of thing he would pull if the rolls were reversed and it was Takeda dealing with some bigot clan elder with Master Hasashi away. He’d absolutely start making out with Tak to prove a point. But in that alt reality they were missing one key detail.

“Aren’t you straight?” Jin asked, “Elder Gods, I leave for three months and you all lose your minds. What the hell is this? What happened to blushing virgin Takeda? Where’d that guy go?”

Takeda shrugged, “Alcohol?”

“We got your back, Jin. Got the whole thing on camera too!” Cassie interjected, sliding next to Jin to show him the footage, “Get a load of their faces! I think your mom is having an aneurysm. Lady in the back is laughing her ass off. She your sister?”

Jin watch it over and had to admit, his parent’s reactions were priceless. The horrified look of disbelief and disgust on his father’s face at the sheer boldness of the act and his mother popping blood vessels beneath her pound of makeup were gold. What was priceless though was his older sister. Her cracking up in genuine laughter, a horrid cackle that she hated but couldn’t contain when surprised with pure delight, and having to be dragged off by her fuming husband. Even before he left such things were a rarity from her. He’d have to get Cassie to send him a copy.

“Better hope this doesn’t get back to Mr. Briggs, Takahashi.” Jin chuckled, letting himself just exist in the absurdity of the whole situation, “Otherwise he’ll beat your ass for cheating on his daughter.”

“I had permission!” Takeda defended himself.

“Gods, what a slut,” Jin continued, “Jacqui, you gotta get rid of this guy. He’s no good.”

“Maybe I like bad boys,” Jacqui quipped.

“Then find someone that doesn’t panic at the thought of being two minutes late for an appointment.” Cassie fired back.

“Hey, early is on time. On time is late.” Takeda insisted.

And just like that they were right back into their usual banter, all thought of Kung Jin’s family gone from their minds. Jin’s mind would cycle back to it periodically throughout the night. How his parents were only interested in him after he accomplished great things, how they expected him to be grateful that they were letting him back in and expected him to go along with it, and how they were apparently planning to sell him off. It angered him. Enraged him. But then there was his team, willing to shotgun a plan together to help him, to back him up, no question. Even when they had no context as to what was going on. It lightens his soul to know that this rag tag group of idiots had his back no matter what; that he still had a family outside of just his uncle.

So fuck his parents. And fuck their pride. In the end, he’ll be the one really upholding the values and honor that come with the Kung name. They can rot for all he cared.

[jewish-vents]

In my political science class, there's two people who are very VERY vocally bigoted, and a good deal of the rest are just quietly bigoted. Professor just lets them go on about how it's okay march around in nazi uniform because 'freedom of speech' and 'respecting each other's opinions.'

I've honestly never felt less safe in a classroom. You can't really clock that I'm Jewish, but I look VERY stereotypically gay (it's important for context to know I'm not), and the looks I get when I walk in are unnerving to say the least. I was crying to my mom recently about how I'm glad they think I'm gay, I WANT them to have to look at me and deal with the idea that they're sitting next to a queer, since they can't tell by looking that they're sitting next to a Jew. If I have to deal with being there with them, I'm glad my presence at least upsets them in return.

I had to vent to somebody about this, I'm really glad that I found your blog. Thanks.

That is really scary, anon. I hope you stay safe. Your professor should really be doing something about that, it's sad to see so many incompetence under the excuse of "free speech"

[thatonesapphicfilipino]

⚠️te homophobia⚠️

not even joking some homophobic guys were “singing” we fell in love in october the “my girl my girl my girl” part and as the girl in red addict i am i ofc recognized it and like

lil spiral

idk if they know it’s by girl in red cuz i post on the socials they know abt that i like girl in red and am like obsessed or if they know the song is sapphic or if they know girl in red is lesbian or that the song is gay or if they only heard the song from tik tok or like what if they know it’s queer and they know i like her music like they r acc so homophobic and transphobic like help. me.

[veeswims]

Hello to anyone who sees this. I’ve very recently been reminded of how awful some families and communities can be, so I have a reminder for you all.

You are all valid.

What I witnessed specifically was homophobia, ableism, and transphobia.

Lgbtq community, you are valid.

I don’t know how many letters are part of lgbtq, but please know that any I didn’t put on there is because I’m not fully informed and don’t want to accidentally put anything wrong in. Thus I went for the version I hear and see the most. Even if your letter isn’t there, you are still very valid!!!

As someone who’s lgbtq and autistic, I am sending this message out into the universe in hopes of inspiring others. Feel free to reach out, and reminder,

No matter what anyone says you are still valid. You are valuable and worth it, and you are not bad for existing the way you do.

[mastermindmp3]

Guilty as Sin? addresses the idea of emotional cheating, about longing for someone outside their current relationship. The speaker describes being in bored in her relationship, and fantasizing about a guy that she is texting* while her lover likely does the same**.

*In my romantic pirate heart, they're pen pals paramours as opposed to texting troublemakers. He "sent" her Downtown Lights, which could easily be read as being sent a streaming link, but I want to believe he sent her a burned tape. **As I've previously said, The Tortured Poets Department is an album in conversation with itself. The mutual emotional infidelity is only really implied by the speaker's questioning her right to be upset within Guilty as Sin? but is made clearer in other places throughout the album. Whether you allow other songs to affect your reading of the song is wholly up to you..

Diversion aside, I think the song touches on this theme very well, and I trust my fellow Department members will provide insights on the song's preferred reading in today's meeting.

In the reception theory of reader responses, a preferred reading is the audience understanding and agreeing with the author's (or producer, or lyricist, etc. ) intended vision for their media. Reception theory also says that readers can take oppositional and negotiated readings. Oppositional readings reject the author's stance entirely, while a negotiated reading may agree in part or whole, but still have their own "take" on the media.

Guilty as Sin? is intended to be about emotional infidelity. For the past few days, I have been analyzing the songs through their preferred reading. Today, I would like to destroy all of that, and present to you my Oppositional Reading of Guilty as Sin?

I know, very well, that the reading I am about to present is not Swift's intent, and indeed, I may be a koi swimming against the river's current. This post is not meant to be me saying that the song is my reading. I am within opposition to the text.

(I guess that technically makes this a negotiated reading? semantics—)

I am about to commit the cardinal sin of reading queer themes into a straight author's work. Crucify me if you please, but do so with the context that I acknowledged that this reading is not "canonical," to continue being biblical about it.

To reiterate, because this is the "how dare you say we piss on the poor" website. I do not believe that my reading is the intended reading of Guilty as Sin?

So:

When reading queer themes into straight work, I feel it is impossible to not draw from personal experience. This post is about Guilty as Sin? but it is also about me. It is about what growing up queer in the rural American southeast is like. It's hard to detangle those things.

I present to the department: A case for Guilty as Sin? as a song of queer longing. Half analysis, half personal essay.

On the surface, I feel this reading can be very simple. When the whole refrain is how can I be guilty as sin? and hegemonic Christian society deems queer love, queer living as sinful, the connection doesn't feel like that hard of a jump. The song travels through its religious theming, through the shame, through hushing yourself with the idea that thoughts don't count. The speaker works through those pains and repressions, so that she can come to the revelation:

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

What initially got me thinking about this song in a gay way was one of the opening lyrics. ( Well, no, what initially got me thinking this was listening to it as I was writing fiction, but hush. )

This cage was once just fine.

As a bisexual woman, there was once a time where I really, truly, thought to myself that I would never come out. It was fine, to be honest. I still like men, so I just had to pray that my one big love was a man. That way, I could protect myself from my family’s imagined negative reactions. I don't think this is a unique experience, either. Particularly in the south, we hold ourselves in for the comfort of others, and our own safety.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel like that fear of rejection is common amongst the people I know. It leads to caging our feelings; locking bits of ourselves away from those who once knew us so closely, in order to preserve their original vision of us. As perfect, straight sons and daughters, as kids who would grow into the molds set forth. And for a while, we can hold together like this, the cage is fine. 

But parrots pluck their feathers when kept under lock and key, and so too do we. 

I dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks.

Doesn't it feel like that? The first time you consider telling a parent, or any loved one, that you're not what they imagined. Like you could be dashing your chances at life. The image brings to mind that of suicide, of a “I can no longer live like this.” People thrown to the rocks do not survive impact, and often are disfigured, beyond recognition. It's such a visceral image for a song filled with longing. 

This song is textually about emotional infidelity, obviously, but I think it can also be about the longing we hold for the "unallowed." How we can both feel such beautiful love and hideous shame about the same thoughts. Repression is a funny thing, to smother the want can only make it come back harder, stronger.

What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyways.

I said that the Christian imagery is part of what made me think of the song as queer, and I stand by it. A lot of queer art deals with the trauma of religion; the idea of being guilty for the way you simply are, for the way you feel, naturally, drives one to consider the opposite. What if our way of being is holy. I'm particularly brought to mind Fipsi Seilern’s Portrait of Virgin Xtravaganzah (and the portraiture's subject - Virgin X - by extension.)

The connection is not hard to make; masturbation, the song’s main premise, is seen as sinful, as is infidelity. And so, too, is being gay. They are shamed the same way in conservative Christian society, as if they are of the same level.

In a way, it's very Christian of me to take a religiously charged song about emotional infidelity and make it about same gender attraction. On the level of infractions to the Christian hegemony, same gender attraction may be worse, truly, than infidelity. That to touch another man or another woman is worse of a crime, than to betray the trust of your opposite gendered partner.

Y'know, as a kid, I used to get nosebleeds every time I entered my family's church. It was high in the mountains of Tennessee, and I was prone to them anyways. It was my first experience with the hemming and hawing of Christian southern women, tsk'ing at me. I think we stopped going when I was like, ten, partially because of it.

And I look back now, and think about all these things I have learned since then. The pain that Christian dogmatism, that bigotry has caused, to me and the communities I love so dearly. Still causes, in the name of saving our souls, or more likely, extermination.

And think about bleeding every time I crossed the threshold into holy ground.

Does that make us all guilty as sin?

Nah. Any guilt we feel is only a consequence of the spoon fed hatred, and certainly no fault of our own.

( It is interesting, that this reading absolves the narrator of the song, where the original text is more ambiguous as to the level of infraction that the Speaker has committed. The answer to "How can I be guilty as sin?" here is more clear, especially to this specific audience. Swift's modern demographics trend towards young, leftist, and AFAB. Additionally, there's probably a whole essay in that idea itself, how queer people are treated with the same ostracism as adulterers. Going further, why are these "sins," a state of being and a social infraction, grouped with far greater transgressions in the Christian consciousness. Were I not a Biology student, that idea alone would be an excellent thesis topic. )

A defense of the idea of Queering Straight Songs:

When my family drove up the mountain to church, I listened to my Fearless disc on a pink Sony brand CD player in the back seat. How often are our first imaginings of queer love to straight media? Through characters or through idealized versions of us or through the music we're allowed, we find ways to feel queer love like sidewalk dandelions. Some call them weeds, but we all know they're flowers, beautiful and beloved, capable of coming back year after year.

We live in an age where queer stories and queer art are so visible, where we can look at Queering the Map and see all the places we are. And will continue to be. And have always been.

I think, in a way, claiming this song about straight infidelity as queer longing is almost a full circle moment, for me. In a time where queer liberties are at risk, we are still so loud and visible. It's nice, in a way, that I don't have to do this.

There are so many wonderful songs about this same longing, about locking your feelings up and bottling them away, by queer artists, even in this same genre. I don't have to stretch to see myself in these songs. They're radio play, they're opening Coachella.

( Also, protect small queer art. Protect bad queer art, too, while we're at it. We are so lucky that so much of queer lives are available at our fingertips, but without archival and protection, it can also be lost. )

I wouldn't say queer people are braver than we've ever been - that's a disservice to the people before us. We have ages of proof that this music, this art, has existed, and repressing it cannot stop it. We aren't any braver than our ancestors, just more widely seen, and more widely heard. Queer music, thanks to the internet, and thanks to wide, social pressure, is louder than ever.

But that doesn't mean we still can't queer the straight music we love too. This entire post (essay, can I call it an essay?) is about reception theory and seeing yourself in the other's work. It's a time honored tradition to make a song about yourself, to make it gay - I played Lover on violin at a lesbian couple's wedding, and my uncles danced at their wedding to Endless Love by Diana Ross.

I leave you with a final story, based on my favorite lyric.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh, only in my mind?

This line, in particular, made me feel many things, a rush of nostalgia and warmth. I've claimed many celebrities to be my bi awakening, but the first time I remember being attracted to a girl was at the Speak Now tour. She was a bit older than me, maybe 14, and sat across the aisle. Mid-show, she helped me write my favorite lyrics on my arm in the pitch black of Bridgestone Arena. I had seen the lyrics on Taylor's arm and got so excited about the idea, but my mother didn't have a sharpie. She did. In sort of loopy handwriting, she put, "You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter" down my right arm.

With purple glitter glinting off tanned, grinning cheeks, with her Speak Now glowstick hovering over my arm, I don't remember her name, or even if I asked for it. But she was so kind, crinkling eyes black as obsidian, twinkling the stage lights in their reflection, and made me realize exactly why that lyric resonated with me so deeply. How it was what I wanted to be in the future.

And I could see my future with her, or him, or them. And it is impossible to untangle Swift's music from that.

It's all empathy, all the way down. The kind of empathy that, I am not sorry to be corny and say it, Taylor Swift's music begs you to have. To take these songs that are very much written from her perspective, and see our own experiences mirrored through them, that's what her music asks. To see that we are not all that different, and to connect. How rare and mundane human connection, how we rip out our souls to achieve it. Swift's talked about it extensively, the catharsis of spilling ink, putting pen to paper and voice to recording all in effort to be seen.

I think that's the big motif: I feel seen by Guilty as Sin?, I felt seen back then listening to these CDs. That's the sorcery of storytelling. As an adult, who is so comfortable in her bisexuality that I flaunt it, I still like to do these oppositional readings, to see myself in songs not made about me.

And that's why Guilty as Sin? is, to me, a queer longing kind of song. Even if it isn't.

[hummingbird-of-light]

June of Doom 2024 Day 2 (@juneofdoom)

2. “It didn’t have to be this way.”            

| Scream | Double Cross | Made to Watch |

~

"You know, it didn't have to be this way." The familiar and yet somehow strange voice reached his ear and Hikaru Sulu turned his head back and forth, but wasn't able to see the woman standing somewhere behind him. He tried to pull at the restraints that bound his upper body to a chair, but it simply didn't help. They were too tight.

"Shizuka, please, you're not yourself. You're infected."

The helmsman's heart skipped a beat as he felt a sharp, long blade slowly lay across his right shoulder. A katana.

"We were promised to each other, Hikaru. You and me. Forever and ever."

Slowly, Sulu shook his head, remembering how he had gotten into this situation.

A call for help from Starbase 45, colonists who suddenly seemed to be going crazy and turning on each other. Captain Kirk had immediately set off with the Enterprise to help the people.

The scientists' investigations had revealed that the brains of those affected had been infected by bacteria that had apparently entered their bodies via contaminated drinking water.

Commander Spock, Dr. McCoy and the other medics and scientists had immediately begun developing an antidote, but a few selected crew members had been assigned to mediate the disputes between the colonists and warn the residents about the water. Including those staying at one of the largest hotels.

And that's when it had happened. Sulu had met her again. Shizuka. She had recognized him immediately and before he could even react, she had pulled him into her room and dazed him with a phaser shot.

"Ever since we were children, our parents have said that we would get married one day. I loved you, Hikaru. I always dreamed that we would live together. But you ... you just ran away."

Slowly, the sharp blade lowered and Sulu felt it cut into his flesh. He clenched his teeth convulsively, suppressing a cry of pain. Hot blood began to flow from the wound.

"You left me, Hikaru. You destroyed everything."

Anger filled Sulu at those words.

"I've told everyone. My parents, your parents, you – I have no feelings for women!"

The helmsman had realized early on that he was not interested in the female sex. But neither his parents nor the rest of his family had understood. It was not without reason that he had fled his home country of Japan to America as soon as he was old enough. There – in a foreign country – he had finally been able to be who he wanted to be.

"I could never feel about you the way you feel about me, Shizuka. And even if I had been able to, I would never have agreed to an arranged marriage."

It was an old tradition that should be abolished! They were living in the 23rd century! No one should force young people to marry someone they had no feelings for. But his family would never have understood that either.

"I have found a man in America whom I love like no other. We are happy and have a family. And ... I wish you had found someone for yourself who loved you in the same way, but–"

Sulu cried out in pain as the blade of the katana suddenly rose, only to be lowered again a moment later with a slash.

"You were mine, Hikaru! You were everything to me!"

Shizuka's loud, angry voice drowned out the roaring in Sulu's ears. Blood spurted uncontrollably from the stump that was left of his arm.

"I would have loved you more than any man in this universe can!"

With a second blow, Shizuka also severed the left arm from the torso. She had set herself the goal of making Sulu pay for his actions ... and he clearly felt it.

The shock set in very quickly and Sulu was almost glad that he barely noticed the hellish pain.

Shizuka finally stepped in front of him, daring to look Sulu in the eye. But the helmsman hardly recognized her. Her face was strangely distorted, her eyes bloodshot. Her skin was pale, ashen. There was nothing left of the once pretty girl.

"Shizuka! Stop that! You have to regain control!" Sulu looked at her desperately, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't stop them from flowing.

"You'll regret it! You'll regret not choosing me!"

The blade rose once more and Sulu knew that the next blow would sever his head.

He closed his eyes helplessly and thought of his family waiting for him in Yorktown. Ben. Demora. He tried to imagine their faces, because they would be the last thing he wanted to see. His gorgeous husband. His lovely daughter. They were his everything. And all he wanted was to hold them once more.

"You'll regret that–"

Shizuka didn't finish the sentence. She couldn't, because a phaser shot hit her in the back and caused her body to slump.

"Hikaru!"

That voice. Sulu cautiously opened his eyes and a faint smile formed on his lips at the familiar sight of a crewman dressed in yellow. He was standing in the doorway, breathing heavily.

"Pa...vel."

He had come to save him. Of course he had. What else had Sulu expected? Pavel was always there for him. He would never let him down.

The last thing Sulu saw before he fainted was his friend's face. And he was incredibly grateful for that.

[chronicangelca]

there's something wrong in the village

Link to this fic on AO3. Words: 1642 Date posted: May 28, 2024

Summary: “Do I need to work on my wingman skills?”

Jimmy sits nervously on the couch, drumming his fingers on the armrest and trying to look casual for when Clark gets back from his date with Lois-- if he gets back from his date with Lois, but they have work early tomorrow and as far as Jimmy knows, they haven’t… then again, he guesses they wouldn’t exactly tell him, right? They are best friends and they do tell each other everything, but that seems like a little bit more than Jimmy needs to know, even to Jimmy. Still, Clark would send him a text or something if he wasn’t going to be home tonight, right?

As he’s stewing about whether or not his roommate is even going to get back for this potentially friendship-ruining conversation, he hears the door click open behind him and then, “Jimmy, I’m home! I brought you leftover curry. It’s Lois’ so it’s pretty spicy, but-- are you okay?” Jimmy looks up to see Clark with a brown paper bag in-hand, and he guesses he must look nervous.

“Uh, yeah. Totally. I’m totally cool,” Jimmy says, holding out his hands to take the bag from Clark. “Was the new Thai place any good?”

“It was!” Clark calls back from the kitchen, gone in practically the blink of an eye. When he walks back into the living room with a glass of water, he practically sinks into the vibrant green bean bag chair. It’s almost comical, with Clark’s giant body practically sculpted from steel squished into such a small seat, a little bit hunched in on himself. “The peanut sauce with the spring rolls was great! We’ll have to get some this weekend. Did you get up to anything fun?”

“I wrote up a few pitches for new Flamebird videos. It’s weird not being able to just record whatever I want while you’re out,” he mumbles around a mouthful of rice. When he swallows, he looks away. “Actually, about this weekend… I’m gonna have to reschedule board game night.”

“Oh. Okay,” Clark says, not even letting a tinge of disappointment leak into his voice. He’s always been much better than Jimmy at not taking canceled plans personally. Jimmy has been trying to get better about it since Clark and Lois got together, but it’s hard not to feel left out when your two best friends start dating each other. “Is something going on? Anything I can help with?”

He waves a dismissive hand through the air. “It’s nothing like that,” he assures, and he stares intently into the yellow curry, which must be at least 90% onions. Not entirely shocking, since Lois and Clark both don’t like them. It’s not spicy at all, either, but that’s Clark for you. Stop stalling, he thinks. “I actually have a date,” he says carefully.

Clark blinks a few times, and then that boisterous grin splits his face. “That’s great! Who’s it with? Anyone I know? I bet it’s that Lola girl from work, huh? The one who works with Cat.”

“Uh, definitely not,” Jimmy laughs. He’s not sure he’d date anyone at the Planet, but especially not any of the gossip columnists. That seems like begging for trouble. Plus, most of the women they work with only seem to have eyes for Clark, if they’re not already in committed relationships outside of work. Some of them, even if they are. Jimmy can’t really blame them. What was it Lois said? His big, beautiful idiot of a best friend?

Clark straightens up a little, leaning closer to Jimmy like they’re sharing secrets or something. Well, he guesses that is the point of this conversation, but Clark doesn’t know that. “Well tell me about it, then! How did you meet? What are you doing? When do I get to meet them?”

Jimmy’s heart is somewhere in the pit of his stomach. Clark is being so earnest and kind, and it’s hard to imagine him being anything but, but then Jimmy remembers how his mom and stepdad first reacted and how he was outright told to never bring it up again, remembers exactly where Clark was raised. Sure, he’s met the Kents, and they’re nice people, but so are his parents. Sometimes, nice people just don’t know any better. But if that was the case with Clark, he’d still do his best to understand, right? It wouldn’t be like Clark to just end their friendship over something that’s ultimately so trivial.

“Uh, we met at work-- well, kind of. We met at a work event. Actually, we didn’t really get along very well at first, but that’s sort of a whole other story. We ran into each other a few times after that and just got to talking. We’re going to Ace o’ Clubs and having a few drinks, just keeping it casual. And, uh, I dunno, I guess if things get serious?”

Clark nods along, his arms crossed over his chest and still wearing that dumb little smile that he doesn’t ever seem to realize charms everyone he ever talks to. “Well do I at least get a name for this mystery stranger? Or do I just have to start guessing people we would’ve met at work events? It’s not Siobhan McDougal, is it?”

“Haha, stop, stop!” Jimmy laughs, waving his hands through the air. Clark always knows how to put him at ease. That’s why they’re best friends.

He takes a deep breath, and he sees Clark tense up a bit. Maybe with super hearing you can actually hear when someone is stressed out, or maybe Clark just knows him that well by now. The smile falls off his face, and he leans just that little bit closer. “It’s actually Lex Luthor. Uh, you’d know him as Alex,” he says, watching Clark’s face for some sort of reaction. More than anything, he looks… confused. Confused isn’t bad.

“Ivo’s old assistant?” He asks, and with Jimmy’s clarifying nod, his eyebrows pinch together. He doesn’t say anything for a long minute, like he’s mulling over the implications of what Jimmy’s just told him, and Jimmy waits patiently. Mostly, he’s relieved that Clark doesn’t seem… upset. Upset about the secret, or just upset about the fact that there was a secret when they all agreed months ago that there weren’t going to be any more secrets. This isn’t exactly like being Superman or knowing that your boyfriend has the ability to end the world, though. It’s a lot more… personal. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He eventually asks, and his tone is almost… hurt. That’s the last thing that Jimmy wants.

It takes him a minute to think of an answer, or at least one that he feels comfortable saying. “It just didn’t really come up,” he says eventually, which is at least half of the truth. “I was never really interested in anybody in college, and since we’ve been working for the Planet we’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to date anybody. I don’t have the luxury of anybody immediately getting a huge crush on me, or a best friend who’s also an incredible wingman.” He feels guilty leaving it at this, though, when he knows what the real reason-- the bigger reason-- was. “And… I was scared.”

“Scared of what?” Clark immediately asks, his voice sounding more worried than hurt this time (though Jimmy knows him well enough to still hear the hurt there).

He takes a deep breath, and he can’t make eye contact, staring pointedly at the TV’s black screen. He sees his own reflection there, and he looks so… small. “When I told my parents I was bisexual, they told me to never bring it up again. They said that it wasn’t safe for guys like me to say things like that, and that if I was smart, I’d just marry a woman I liked a whole lot one day and never say a word about it to anyone. That was during our freshman year. And back then, the only thing I really knew about you was that you grew up in Kansas. I know people there aren’t always the most… accepting? I mean, my parents are from New York and they couldn’t even bring themselves to pretend to be okay with it. I didn’t wanna lose the only friend I had.”

Clark is quiet for a long time. Jimmy still can’t bring himself to look over at him. He doesn’t wanna see what his best friend’s face looks like after he’s put all of that into words. Of course, he knows that Clark is a great guy now, and he should have told him earlier. He should have trusted him. But every time he thought about saying something, his parents’ words would just echo in his ears again and he’d chicken out. It was easy to make excuses about the fact that he wasn’t seeing anybody anyway, so there was no reason for Clark to know.

“Thank you for telling me,” Clark says eventually, and it’s Jimmy’s turn to be confused, turning his head to stare at him. “That sounds like it was really hard. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been for me to tell you or Lois about the fact that I was an alien if my own parents had rejected me like that. So thank you for trusting me enough to tell me anyway.”

There’s a beat of silence between the two of them, and then Jimmy sort of whines, “Claaark.” He slides out of his spot on the couch and onto his knees on the floor, and he squeezes Clark in a tight hug, face buried in his friend’s shoulder. Clark hugs him back, and he always hugs like he’s trying not to crush whoever he’s holding. Well, Jimmy guesses that’s probably true.

“Do I need to work on my wingman skills?”

[gayelectro]

Thirst: A Ten Year Retrospective

On June 7th, 2013, at 7:30 PM, The Hub Network aired Transformers Prime’s 60th episode. Title: Thirst. Just five episodes before the conclusion of the series (and a post-series “movie”), the last few episodes of any serialized show can have a lot weighing on them, as you need to wrap up story threads in a satisfying fashion. 

For me though, Thirst missed the mark. Pretty hard.

When this episode aired, I hated it. And when posting my grievances on Tumblr, I was met with a lot of backlash. This naturally compounded the hatred I ended up brewing for this episode, as I felt as though couldn’t even talk about it with people without hearing some seriously stupid counterpoints or outright attacks to my character over not liking an episode of a children’s cartoon to sell toys.

Well, a lot of time has passed since then. It’s been a decade and I want to lay this whole thing to rest. I was 16 and still in high school when it aired, and now I’m a whole ass married 26 year old adult with a job. So I feel that getting all of my thoughts and feelings out, while also reflecting on how the Transformers fandom (and myself) have changed, might finally quell this beast for good. Aiming for the spark, as it were.

Skip the readmore if you don’t want to encounter a genuinely and insanely long post full of rambling and Transformers media consumption.

Naturally, disclaimers, because this is the internet.

Don’t go and read this and give any guff to anyone who worked on this episode or in Transformers Prime in general. I shouldn’t have to say this. Even as I speculate over what writer’s intentions or unconscious biases were back in 2013, it still gives nobody any reason to find these people and bother them. I’m allowed to criticize a show but I see no need for anybody to send shit to people who were likely just trying to get their paycheck from Hasbro.

Another disclaimer: I don’t have any problem with people who like or love this episode. I have friends who do. And I can see what positive points about it shine out for them. But I’m still allowed to have differing feelings about it and express them. At the crux of it, I think it’s just that simple. Everybody should be able to coexist within a fandom and deal with someone not liking your favorite episode or someone loving an episode you hate.

And I think one last disclaimer: the fact is that a lot of my anger towards this episode is partially baked in due to immediate fandom reactions at the time of release and my own disappointment in the episode not being what I hoped it to be. I’m going to dissect that where possible in this post. But fundamentally, I just don’t understand people who are like “you can’t hold it against a piece of media for not being what you wanted it to be” in regards to being misled. There’s a vast difference between letting fan theories get in the way of the author’s intent and being misled due to the way something is advertised. And while yes, the show isn’t to blame for how the fandom reacted to the episode, it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. How could it not? Human brains are wired for pattern recognition. How am I supposed to forget the way I was treated for not liking this episode? How am I supposed to be objective about this short of amnesia to experience the episode for the first time all over again?

Anyways, now that that’s out of the way, let’s dive in!

Now let it be known that I was thrilled for this episode. I was an avid Transformers Prime watcher. I made a whole event around every new episode airing. And I watched the promos like a hawk. I was obsessed with Transformers Prime when it was airing and convinced that it was a masterpiece. Truly, the apex of Transformers media.

So, the promotions really emphasized the zombie aspect of this episode, with a sneak peak at what they would look like. I don’t consider myself a horror fan by any means, I’ve always been squeamish and jumpy, but I think there’s an aspect of horror that lends itself to the curious mind. I wanted this episode to be scary. Knowing the Y-7 rating, I knew that this was going to be horror that likely fell within my comfort zone while also possibly pushing the envelope a bit. After all, Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky had spoken at length about how much violence he could get under the radar in kid’s TV by having all of the “gore” be robots and aliens. I assumed that this episode was going to do much of the same.

Let me get it out of the way right now, one good thing about Thirst is the “zombicon” designs. I think they’re great. Personally would not change a thing about them, they’re pretty darn perfect.

But, being a weenie, I did try my hardest to steel myself against what the episode might throw at me. I was expecting the absolute worst they could get away with in regards to robot gore and violence and jumpscares. I wanted this episode to be scary. Sure, Y-7 scary, but still scary. I probably expected too much, given that I didn’t understand why shows stuck so hard to just 22 minute time slots at the time. But I was an easily startled kid, I figured they could still deliver... And, well... I just didn’t get that at all.

More or less, the episode rips itself into pieces. If one is being generous, about 1/3rd of the episode is veering on horror. But 2/3rds of the runtime are easily just comedic slapstick and banter between Knock Out and Starscream. While this is fine, it certainly wasn’t to my taste and was a let down. This episode obviously really really wanted to be funny and Decepticon focused. And while it was the only episode of Prime to not have a single Autobot in it, I still found its humor to be. Well.

Now, a tangent:

The writers and this series relationship with its queer-coded characters is complex and strange, to say the least. While I do love and appreciate a gay villain, it’s still very telling that the most flamboyant and clearly gay acting characters are Decepticons. Starscream in his literal stiletto heels and effeminate shrieks, Knock Out with his foppish behavior and just about everything said behind the scenes about him... It’s undeniable that they’re intended to be read as gay and it feels as though it varies from episode to episode whether them being gay is supposed to be humorous, relatable, or dastardly.

Thirst definitely feels like... The worst of this to me.

I’m going to focus more on Knock Out, just because he’s realistically more near and dear to my heart. But the fact is, I saw myself in these characters growing up. I was a young queer with no representation in the media I enjoyed. So of course I would cling to the gay, sexy robot. Regardless of if writers wanted him to be someone the audience saw themselves in, I did.

Of course, I believe at this point that everyone is familiar with “The Botcon Incident”.

[ALT TEXT : When asked at BotCon 2011, the Prime writers said that there is no designation for gay, or straight, for that matter, on Cybertron, where Transformers are created by the AllSpark, not through sexual reproductions. They also said that Knock Out is a knock out, and that the Nemesis is a very "don't ask, don't tell" place. And then they jokingly deflected the matter, claiming that Knock Out's mannerisms are not caused by any particular orientation, but are simply eccentricities caused by "a glitch in the AllSpark" the day he was created... which is unintentionally so insulting to gay people that it could create an awkward silence in the Void. ]

On one hand, Knock Out acting gay is seen as a defect. A mistake or some sort of source of humor. At the same time, there was still a lot of love given to him by the writers. In panels, they’ve expressed that they refused to let Knock Out be killed off (regardless of if any other character lived or died). Part of this was because he was really the big “original” character for the show, but part of it also definitely has to be some sort of genuine love for the character, I think.

So, it’s a weird act to juggle as a queer fan, right? The writers loved Knock Out but it feels like they still wanted to poke and jeer about how gay he was (without even really confirming him to be gay, but we can all admit he acts gay and that’s WEIRD, am I right guys).

To wrap around to Thirst: I feel like this is part of why I don’t find as much humor in the slapstick Knock Out/Starscream moments in the episode as other fans do. This feels like the most brazen and obvious part of it: the humor in the episode feels like it comes from a place of “how funny would it be to make the fags run around the ship screaming their heads off”.

By season three, the animation in this show became so beautiful and utterly expressive. And that’s a great thing. But the level to which they pushed Knock Out and Starscream’s run cycles was just... Like I get it, it’s funny when scared gay person does a silly effeminate run. Not to mention how these characters have established run cycles, we’ve seen them run before, no, in this episode they flail about helplessly because it’s sooooooo funny.

I do feel like there were undercurrents of homophobia in this show. It released in 2013 and thus was probably written back in 2012. To act like the writers room was completely devoid of the influences of homophobia would be absurd. I’m not saying that the episode is explicitly homophobic, nor that it’s homophobic to put gay characters in horror scenarios, nor that everyone who worked on Transformers Prime is a homophobe. But I am saying that this show was a product of its time, and 2012 was a very homophobic time, and that I think we can talk about that without assuming the worst in those bringing it up or the worst in everybody who worked on the media in question. Multiple things can be true at once. I just want to talk about how the vibes are off, man, it feels a little gay bash-y.

Part of what I’m trying to describe here is, to put it another way, would this episode have worked the way it did with any other characters being at the forefront? Thirst, but with say, Shockwave and Soundwave? Airachnid and Megatron? Or Arcee and Bulkhead? Or Ratchet and Wheeljack? However you switch this episode around, I’m almost positive the characters’ mere presence would not be treated as inherently comedic into itself. It feels very telling that this was a Knock Out and Starscream episode, because Knock Out and Starscream are the most obviously queer-coded characters.

Getting off of that tangent which I’m sure has already turned the few readers of this away, let me get back more into the meat of this retrospective.

Another thing that infuriated me about fan reception to this episode is that a lot of fans reduced everything to shipping wars. If there’s something that’s really changed with time in the Transformers fandom, thank fuck it’s the shipping culture. A decade ago, any and all issues I had with this episode got reduced to “You’re a KO/BD shipper and you’re angry because this episode had KO/SS moments”. To this day, I cannot express how such a dismissive and us vs. them attitude makes me see fucking red! If anything, the fan’s combative nature is what made me come to dislike KO/SS as a ship-- not the other way around.

The fact is, the banter between Knock Out and Starscream is entertaining. I do like that aspect of the episode. When they open up to one another in the bunker, it’s a really sweet moment! We have two Decepticons being vulnerable and open with each other, which is a rarity, given how cold living on the Nemesis is! It was a genuinely touching moment that gave us insight into both Knock Out and Starscream as individuals, which I really did enjoy.

The way they speak to each other throughout the episode is actually one of the things that makes me wish I could come back to this episode more (and hopefully now I can). It’s telling how they can open up to one another only to immediately throw each other under the bus the very next moment. It speaks to the Decepticon’s culture.

But anywho, there was also just the... Blatant ignoring of what actually was said in the episode to fit an agenda. Ardent “only-one-ship-may-rule” KO/SS fans insisted that Knock Out’s behavior in this episode ““proved”“ that he didn’t care about Breakdown. This thankfully has died off overtime in the fandom, now that more people can accept multiple ships coexisting in peace instead of making conflict where there doesn’t need to be any.

But even if we take shipping out of the equation entirely, you have to be either not listening or willingly deluding yourself if you think that any of Knock Out’s actions in this episode are showing that he did not care about Breakdown, regardless of if you think that relationship was lovers, friends, or just close coworkers.

“Despite your justifiable lack of regard for his human side, it doesn’t trouble you to watch what remains of your former partner endure your scientific endeavors?” “Not really. Besides, Silas once had poor Breakdown pinned to his lab table. I think my former partner would be pleased to be a part.”

This was the big exchange that really got under people’s skin. Watching it live, I loved this reaction from Knock Out. It spoke to what a sadist that he was and how he went about extracting revenge. He saw the perfect bookending of stories; Silas experimented on Breakdown, so it was only fit for Knock Out to experiment on Silas. Just as Silas had used Breakdown’s corpse as a suit to trounce around in, Knock Out would treat his body just as such. Just a shell, not any remnant of the soul that was once inside.

But certain people just heard the deadpan “not really” and just stopped listening. Like, I’m sorry, but these guys are alien robots. They probably already don’t have exactly the same feelings around corpse desecration as we do, and even if they did, Knock Out is kind of a freak anyways.

And once again, when I saw this episode, I was single. Now I’m married. I can see even more now how love can push you to weird, freakish, even ghoulish extremes. I personally could think of hardly anything more romantic than my wife torturing and experimenting on someone who wronged me. And I certainly wouldn’t be kind to someone for wearing her face in the event of her passing.

And the line “You’re no Breakdown” got wildly misinterpreted too. Somehow people thought that meant that Breakdown was “lesser” than Starscream, which... What? How? Like it’s obvious that Knock Out is contrasting his former relationship to Breakdown to the relationship he has to Starscream here. Starscream and Breakdown are vastly different people, that’s not to say anything about shipping. Once again, even if you only see Breakdown as Knock Out’s assistant, his relationship to Starscream is still vastly different to his relationship with Breakdown. Starscream is his superior officer whereas Breakdown is either on the same rung as him or a step lower. This is not a value judgement on either ship! It’s just basic chemistry and writing! One of them is a quiet brute while the other is a commanding fruit. I’m not understanding how this could lift up or put down either ship, so to see people do that (admittedly on both sides of this stupid fucking ship war) was just aggravating.

Once again, I can’t stress enough how by and large, the fandom’s attitude has shifted away from that bullshit. I see people gleefully talk about shipping all three of them together or just shipping their own favorite thing without needing to bring the other ship into it at all in an adversarial way. It’s great. Wish that could’ve been here all along. I could only imagine the kind of blood that would have been shed if someone had conducted the Transformers Husband Poll or Canon Ship Poll back in 2013, but now people can just have a good time with things the way we’re supposed to.

And then we get to the part where I actually take issue with the writing of the episode itself, regardless to fandom reaction.

Airachnid. 

Okay, so can we finally talk about this part? Because when I took issue with this when the episode aired, I got a lot of “wait and see, they still have time to do something with this”. Which. No they fucking didn’t. They opened up like five new plot points, for no reason, right at the end of the series, and then did not follow up on them at all.

I can’t wrap my head around this, even now. Why did they even take this character out of stasis? They fridged her before only to let her out for five minutes to fridge her again. This is so absurdly stupid, like I still cannot even find a silver lining to this part.

Airachnid having a hoard of zombie Insecticons on one of Cybertron’s moons did not even get a mention for the rest of the series.

What was the point of this? Legitimately, was there some sort of reason they needed to write out the Insecticons so badly? They hadn’t really been important in any regard for a long time. At that point in the show, they were barely a step above Vehicons when it came to being Decepticon cannon fodder. Was there any reason to make Airachnid extra dead with more steps? Because this doesn’t provide more closure than her already piss poor exit from the show with her being in stasis, frozen in a pod, as a trophy for Megatron.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, would have changed for the rest of Prime if Airachnid had stayed frozen in her pod and the Insecticons stayed aboard the Nemesis. I can’t think up a defense for this, I can’t conjure up an explanation, just... Why? I’m still left feeling like this was fucking strange. Maybe someone’s femdom hypnosis vampire queen fetish, I can’t fucking tell.

Now that the series is over, I’m hoping at least people can acknowledge that this was pointless, stupid, and just unnecessary. Or at least give me any reason why this isn’t the dumbest thing ever. Because this was the big thing in the actual canon of the episode that made me go “wow, that was an awful episode”.

And while I’m still left scratching my head over that, I do feel... Relieved. The more I think it over, the more I can see how the fandom has changed for the better in a lot of respects. And upon rewatching this episode, I can better see the parts that I actually like. Sure, some shit still bothers me, but I do feel better about it now.

And of course, watching Prime as it airs at 16 is a very different experience than trying to rewatch it... Basically any time once you hit your 20s. I still love Prime, but I’m older now and can see its flaws, especially since we’ve got the whole story to work with. I still recommend Prime as a starting point to people with certain tastes who wanna get into Transformers. But doing a full rewatch of the series for me is a chore now due to some of the glaring writing issues and pacing. It’s a good show, but not the pinnacle of Transformers media I used to think of it as. And that’s okay! Tempered expectations help a lot with disappointment.

With something like ten years, a lot has changed in the Transformers franchise. We now have a plethora of canon queer characters and relationships, all treated with respect. We have a nonbinary Autobot in a children’s cartoon, and I know that would have changed my world as a kid if I had grown up with that. And while it sucks that my favorite character in Transformers Prime, Breakdown, got killed off so unceremoniously, so many continuities after that have tried to make up for it by having him survive and thrive.

Another positive note is the way my feelings for this episode have impacted my real life.

Back when my wife was still just my girlfriend, I ranted and raved to her about how much I hated this episode. How stupid it was. How it was the worst episode of the whole show. Back then, she had no interest in any media pertaining to robots, let alone Transformers. But something about how passionate that got me made her curious. She checked out Thirst, and concluded that if that was the worst the Transformers Prime had to offer, then it might be a pretty good show overall. She ended up watching Prime, and with that gateway, I was able to get her to watch and enjoy more Transformers media. Which lead to more robot media as a whole. Now we have so many more fandoms and shows that we enjoy together, all because my hate boner for this episode piqued her interest! Sharing my love of robots with my wife has been a wonderful facet of our relationship and I simply don’t know how we would have gotten there without this entry way!

All of this to say... I think after ten years, maybe this isn’t the worst episode of the series. I can’t be bothered with a whole rewatch to find out, as the episodes that bore me aren’t ones that I’d bother to watch again just to rate. The shit with Airachnid was mind-achingly stupid and maybe some of the slapstick hasn’t aged the best, but otherwise it just is what it is. I liked Silas dying, I liked the character interactions we got between Starscream and Knock Out, I always adore Darren Norris’ performance as Knock Out and this episode does wonders to show off his skill (“Precisely my-- WHAT”), and the zombie designs were pretty baller.

I thank this episode for what it’s given to me, I’m going to let go of the ghosts of fandom’s past, and now I set it all free.

Here’s the whole episode on Youtube, TFwiki just links these if they’re available, apparently.

[aromantic-enjolras]

Only the good die young AU

So, this is an AU of an AU that @shamedumpster and I brainrotted for a good while a long time ago. I was reminded of it by the Friends to Lovers poll, and I thought I might as well share. And hey, if enough of you ask for it, maybe we’ll write it!

Marius is a Catholic church boy. He helps around during mass, and he’s very involved in the church. Among his duties, there’s serving coffee and cookies to the parishioners after Sunday Mass.

One day, there’s a guy at the potluck. He doesn’t recognize him from mass and he’s wearing a leather jacket and strutting around with a slightly cocky gait, and all Marius can think of is that he is so beautiful.

Courfeyrac beelines for him (the reason he’s here is that he saw him on campus and thought he wanted that boy), and immediately starts flirting. And Marius doesn’t know how he’s feeling (he does,  but he can’t acknowledge that, he can’t be gay, he can’t), so he just tells him “I’m sorry, I don’t... do that”.

The hesitation is enough to make Courf pivot. This is not a boy that needs to get laid, he’s a boy who needs a friend to help him get over his internalized homophobia. So he changes tactics, smiles his best smile and asks “do you not do friends? Because that’s all I’m asking.”

That’s how he ends up going out (as friends!!) with Courfeyrac. They hang around, and he calls him “beautiful” and “handsome” and he’s tactile and flirty, but he doesn’t push, and he finds himself feeling more and more comfortable. And he’s so interesting! He has done so much Marius would never dare to!

The Amis own a gay bar downtown, and at one point Courfeyrac manages to convince Marius to come for a drag show. That’s how Marius gets introduced to the rest of the Amis, and in particular to Bahorel in full drag. The poor boy is very confused. Especially once Bahorel tells him they’re “not a man”.

After that, Marius goes occasionally to the Musain. One time, Courf tells him he has a surprise and leaves him with the other Amis; when the next drag queen starts, Marius is startled to realise the gorgeous woman in skintight leather dancing to “Cherry Bomb” is actually Courfeyrac. Surprisingly, that gives him a certain amount of reprieve: he has been thinking that Courf was attractive for a while, and now he looks like a woman. It’s not gay if he’s attracted to someone that looks so much like a woman, right?

He’s still riding that excuse when he kisses Courf after the show. He’s not thinking. He doesn’t want to think. The kiss feels right, more right than any kiss has ever felt, and he doesn’t want to think about how it is Courf exciting those reactions. He just wants to lose himself and not think.

Courf responds at first (he is into this guy, okay?), but he quickly regains his bearings and realises that Marius will hate himself in the morning if he lets him do this. So even though Marius insists that he “wants this, Courf, please, he promises”, he makes him stop, takes him to his apartment next to the Musain and puts him to bed with the promise that if Marius still wants this in the morning, he will be his.

In the morning, Marius is wracked with guilt. The realisation he had been trying to outrun the night before has caught up with him and he can’t take it. So when Courfeyrac asks how he’s feeling, he just says “Thank you for stopping me yesterday. You did good. God bless you.” and runs.

After that, Marius tries to get back to his old routine. He confesses to having almost succumbed to the sin of lust, and the severity of the penitence makes him know that the Father was aware of what was going on, and he doesn’t approve. On the other hand, Courf has disappeared, and Marius latches to anger to keep him going. Of course he’s gone. Haven’t they warned him that gay men only wanted sex? Probably now that sex is no longer on the table, Courf wants nothing to do with him anymore.

(He tries not to think about how he offered himself to Courf, that night, and Courf didn’t take him up on it. Courf is sinful, he’s evil, and he has every right to be angry. That’s the only thing that keeps him going.)

Meanwhile, Courfeyrac is trying to give him space. It might not have been said in so many words, but it definitely felt like he was being told Marius didn’t want anything to do with him. He’s also belatedly realising that he had fallen harder than he had thought. He’s moody, snappy, and if he had never liked the Church much, he now gets a level of vitriolic that even Bahorel finds uncomfortable to listen to.

At the end, it’s Bahorel who goes to find Marius. They find him at the Sunday coffee, the same as Courfeyrac had done so many months ago. Their original plan was to make Marius apologize for whatever he had done to make Courf seem so down, but when they see how downcast Marius looks, they ask him for an explanation.

Bahorel’s bluntness is exactly what he needs. “Dude”, they say, “if all he wanted was sex, he would have gotten it from someone easier. Have you seen Courfeyrac? All he has to do is come to the Musain and flutter his eyelashes and he has five dudes at his feet. And he doesn’t look like he didn’t get laid. He looks like he got his heart broken.”

It’s a few weeks later, and Courf is bartending and trying not to show how much his heart is bleeding, when the amateur drag night starts, and the first person on stage looks stiff and uncomfortable, and... starts singing “Take Me To Church”?? And then the drag queen meets his eyes and stays there, and Courfeyrac realises it’s Marius.

After the show he goes backstage, and his heart is hammering, and Marius looks nervous but determined, and Courf can’t believe he’s really here. “Tell me if I’m reading too much into this..?” he whispers, and Marius shakes his head. So he crosses the room, takes his face in his hands, and goes in for a kiss. Right before he does, a last survival instinct kicks in. “Are you going to change your mind?” he asks, and Marius laughs softly and shakes his head, stronger this time. “Not in a hundred years.”

Hope you enjoyed it! This post is already very very long, but believe me, it is still a summary! So if you liked it, please say something and you might get more!

[pokemon-ash-aus]

May I, learn some cool facts about the Genderfluid AU.

-In the beginning, Ash tried to use Miho to identify with his female part, essentially going 'under cover' bt ultimately decides to shed the name in the end and stick with Ash

-Pikachu is Nonbinary and thus has a rounded Tail

-James is Genderfluid, Jessie is Bisexual, Meowth identifies as Queer given that he doesnt know the full extent of his sexuality but he is firmly Cis

-Giovanni and Damien are still brothers, though Damien was in a coma for a short time due to an accident at a digsite and Giovanni didnt think to tell his brother's wife that he was under hospice care.

- because of the above, Giovanni and Delia have a very frigid relationship

-Giovanni is Ash's uncle and Ash exploits that greatly.

- While normally enemies on a day to day, when Pride day comes around, Ash and the Rocket trio are really close friends.

-Misty is Transgender but doesnt tell Brock or Ash for awhile. Ash finds out on the Orange Islands with Tracey -nonbinary- after a hard day. (M7sty also finds out Ash is Genderfluid)

-Ash and Misty dunk on Misty's sisters when Ash teaches Misty all that he learned from the Rocket Trio and vice versa with everything Misty learned from her sisters.

-Brock is Bisexual, but his fear of being called slurs mostly has him hitting on adult women even though it's not really for him. Its a strategy for him to avoid being called Gay.

-Ash feared coming out to his mother and had already planned a backup on the offchance that she rejected him (She didnt)

-Ash wears 3 bands on his wrist that he switches over deoending on how he's feeling. Blue on his right for Boy, Purple on his right for Girl, Green on his right for They, or all three if he doesnt care. As time goes on and he starts to feel more at ease, the number of bands on his right wrist vary.

-Lt. Surge is a Gay Army man who had a thing for Giovanni a while back.

-Giovanni is also Gay, but refuses to be in a relationship due to his profession.

-The first Pride of Kanto, which coincided a week before the Indigo league, had Ash/Miho running the Moltres Torch because the original runner was homophobic and planned to sequester the flames.

[quinnick]

(Help it’s 4:30 am and I didn’t know what else to name the fic. I promise it’s not that cringe. Just terrible title)

Here’s my Will coming out one-shot I have been working on for a minute !! It features Hopper running the Mike Wheeler hate club (not really but ya know)

[jewish-vents]

i hate having to deal with my sibling’s internalised internalised antisemitism all the time. their constant fatphobia and internalised homophobia that they pass off as jokes are bad enough but based on the way they talk i honest to god think they would be a softcore neonazi if they weren’t jewish (they’re already spewing “zionists are manipulating the media” shit all the time)

Imagine seeing people hate a part of you so much that the only choice you find to cope with it is to hate it too, as if that will help remove it from you. It's quite a sad way to live. That being said, it must be hard to see someone close have to go through that, and on top of that seeing them hurt everyone around them because of it. I can hold space and sympathy for what your sibling must be going through internally, but it doesn't erase that his actions are horrible and hurtful.

I hope your sibling can get better. And most of all I hope you can stay safe and hopefully find a way to distance yourself from the hate

-🐺

[thatonesapphicfilipino]

⚠️tw trans and homophobia and religion and cursing ⚠️

i hate my theology of the body class.

so i go to a religious school and we hv our version of a health class otherwise said theology of the body and a basic run down of it is health class but make it so u don’t acc learn anything abt what’s going on down there and the main focus is don’t hv sex o and if ur trans ur not

which is so fun for a they/she ace with a strong feminine preference.

and the lesson today was super sexist and only talked abt straight relationships like full on pretending we don’t exist type of shit

one of the parts was like when a bee goes into a room of all boys and they all fight to see who can kill the bee first yelling testosterone and omg they threw the wimp who was running away from the bee out the window??!?!! i mean really close to it… then a room of girls with them all running away from the bee and the one girl acc trying to kill it dying of laughter being unable to kill it then once it dies they all crowd around with “aww” s and “i feel so bad”s then some bullshit like what is the reason for this??? the author is full of bullshit is the reason and like our teacher was like what do u guys think abt this and one girl i’m friends with who is like the most cis version of fuck the gender stereotypes but also barely knowing any queer stuff was like telling a story abt when there was a bee in the band room and she was the only one trying to get it out with the room full of girls and boys

then in the video that goes along with the book thhe only things they talked abt were for girls to be modest and how boys r gonna be attracted girls and girls to boys like hello r we just pretending queer people don’t exist anymore is it cuz “if u show queer media to kids they turn queer” like omfg bitch what r u on at least mention us like ofc i don’t want the see a video saying how “gays r gonna burn to eternity” and shit but like at least bring us up

[prokopetz]

I think we're starting to dilute the meaning of "terminally online". Like, no, it's not terminally online to have eccentric opinions about a popular TV show – people like that existed before "online" was a thing. Unless we're talking at least an "it's homophobic for gay furries to have rat fursonas because they're depicting gay people as vermin", the onlineness falls well short of terminal.

[an-otterly-adorable-being]

I guess summer isn't all bad. Sure, I get locked in a cabin away from the few friends I have. Atleast it's a nice cabin. Sure, I get forced to drop everything to hang out with people I'd rather not see, but it gets me outside. And sure, I, a little gay bunny boy, am stuck with my homophobic family, with a twin sister who bullies me mercilessly and gets away with it because she's the "golden child". At least she brought her hot boyfriend along.

I probably shouldn't think like that, but it's so hard not to. He's cute, he's funny, he plays keyboard, guitar, and he can sing! How could I not love him. Plus, I'm pretty damn sure he's bisexual. Granted I haven't asked him, but I haven't really had the chance to bring it up, considering we've been stuffed in a car for the past five hours with my homophobic family.

Maybe when we get to the cabin, I'll ask. I already know we're sharing a room. Mom, despite saying she'd love to be one eventually, doesn't want to be a grandma while me and my sister are in highschool, so atleast we'll have that bit of privacy. If anything, atleast it would give me someone to talk to. He's so nice to me, it'd be good to atleast have a friend.

...

God, his eyes are so beautiful. And that smile? If I wasn't a master of hiding my homosexuality, I'd be swooning right now. These thoughts are starting to make me feel bad though. I mean, he's still dating my sister. I know she's been nothing but awful to me, but she still deserves happiness, right? I'm no better than her if I ruin this relationship, right?

This is hurting my head too much, I think I'll take a nap. Well, I would, if it wasn't for the fact that this car is super uncomfortable. Although, he is right next to me, and his hoodie is kind of soft. Maybe he'll let me lay on his shoulder? It's worth a shot, right?

(This is a little thing I wrote real quick. It is supposed to be a teaser for a longer story featuring the main character, a rabbit, and his sister's boyfriend, a racoon, hooking up behind the rabbit's homophobic family's back. I've been meaning to start over on it, because I wasn't happy with it. Hopefully this gives me some motivation to get started on it again. Thanks for reading besties :3)

[musekicker]

Uh, so some warnings for this one.

Some small moments of homophobia, including a of language to do with that. Also implications of abuse.

The above all committed by a character that was made to be a asshole and it absolutely in the wrong btw

But yeah, Mason having some bad memories of his childhood, yet finding hope in a yellow bowtie.

It was a charity gala event. Nana Noodleman had a hoof in it of course and that was part of why the New Moon Theater crew had been invited.

Mason had thought himself prepared for it too. He even had been so sure that he took the time to buy a bowtie to go with the his nice event clothes. However on the night of this event he found that he could not find the bowtie.

He supposed he shouldn't had been shocked at himself. He was just generally forgetful. Just last week he had forgotten his water bottle at home though he knew he had placed it on the counter near the door of his apartment so he wouldn't forget it on his way out. 

As much as it was in his nature to be forgetful, sometimes it bothered him. He felt like it made him look stupid and he greatly hated that feeling. 

At least he hadn't forgotten the rest of his fancy event clothes. It wouldn't be a total embarrassment.

"Are we all here?" Buster asked.

"I'm not." Ella said.

"Hah hah, cute Ella. I will take this as a yes." Buster said. "Now let's go and make this a great charity event."

With that said, everyone started to walk into the building. Before Mason could step into the building, Buster walked beside him, calling out to get Mason's attention.

"Oh Mason, a second of your time." Buster said.

"Is this about the bowtie? I mean to get one before the whole event and when I went to dress up I either didn't buy one or I just can't find it. I'm so-" Mason said.

Buster put up a hand.

"We all kind of expected this actually. With how often you forget small things like that." Buster said.

"Sorry." Mason said. "I'm sure that can be annoying that I keep doing that." Mason said.

"Oh no no. Not upset at all. I'm only saying any of this because I thought ahead and got you a back up bowtie in case you forgot to get one." Buster said.

Mason wasn't sure how to feel about that. On the one paw, he was glad that he would actually be fully prepared for the charity event and look his best. But on the other, there was the fact that now he knew he had a record of these things.

Buster took out a small, flat, cardboard box out of his pocket and handed it to Mason who took it and opened it.

"Hope you like it. Heard from Johnny that yellow is your favorite color." Buster said.

Mason looked into the box, knowing what he was going to see before he saw it. It a simple, yellow bowtie. No pattern, just a solid yellow.

And just like that Mason was lost in a memory.

Mason had been so very proud of himself. Saving up money from doing small chores about the town so he could start buying small things for himself. 

This included not father approved items. Things such as notebooks and pencils with flower patterns. Plastic rings, even a actual mood ring! But the purchase he had been the proudest of was the bowtie.

The bowtie had been a bright yellow. Mason remembered that he had picked it out because it was a happy color. It made him think of things like sunshine and yellow flowers in a field. 

Yellow.. a color that his father had told him was not a boy color. 

He knew it had been a risk, buying it. Much like the other little not father approved items. But the moment he had saw it he knew he needed it. He needed that drop of sunshine and symbol of happiness in his life.

Then came the day of a fancy event his dad was dragging him and his sister to was here. And Mason was getting ready for it. He already had on his good dress pants and dress shirt. Next he needed was a bowtie.

Mason didn't know what possessed him to take out the yellow bowtie at all. Maybe it was because he actually had the nice clothes on now. Why not at least try the favored bowtie on to see how it would look even if he would not be able to wear it for long?

Even though he knew it not wise, he tried the yellow bowtie on.

As he thought, the pop of yellow was a joy to see with his outfit . Some small part of himself wanted to attempt to wear the bowtie at the event. Maybe it would slip his fathers notice. Or maybe his father would agree that it did suit him and that-

"Mason!" 

Mason jumped at the sound of his fathers voice.

How had he not heard his father coming? Normally his dad stomped around the place, his heavy footfalls always a warning to Mason to hide anything he didn't want his father to see. For whatever reason though, the taller, black wolf with a patch of grey going down his muzzle had not been heard coming. And Mason was still wearing the yellow bowtie.

"What is taking you so long?" his dad asked. "We need to leave soon. And your sister is all set. Why are you always so slow?" 

Mason ignored the barb at his speed. He was more focused on trying to make sure that his father did not notice the bowtie. 

"I'm almost ready. Really! I'll be ready in a few minutes." Mason said.

Mason hoped. Hoped and hoped that would be enough. But his dad just seemed to have a sense for when Mason was up to something. And this moment wasn't any different. His father frowned, his brows furrowed. Clearly knowing something was up but not quite knowing what yet.

"Why do you look so guilty?" he asked.

"Guilty? I don't know what you're-" Mason said.

Then his fathers eyes went to Mason's neck and Mason knew it was over.

"Where did you get that?" his father asked.

Mason froze. He didn't know how to answer that in a way that wouldn't get him into more trouble. 

His father stormed over without waiting for a answer. He pointed right as Mason, his grey eyes cold.

"Do you want to look like some pansy?" his father snapped.

Mason knew what his father meant by that. He didn't dare say to his father there was nothing wrong with being a "pansy", that maybe he WAS one himself. Instead he looked down to the floor.

"No.. I don't-" Mason said.

"We'll talk about how you got this later. I don't have time to get into this now." his father said, eyes still cold. "And take that bowtie off." 

Mason obeyed. By time Mason got the yellow bowtie off, his dad had found a different bowtie in a navy blue color. His father put a open palm out, waiting for Mason to place the yellow bowtie there. Trying not to sigh, Mason put the bowtie down in his palm.

"Now put on a bowtie in a color you're suppose to wear!" his father snapped. "I'm throwing this shit away in the trash."

Then his father was gone, the yellow bowtie Mason had loved so much in hand.

Mason had went behind his fathers back  that night after that. A dangerous move he knew even then. But he could not bear the idea of the bowtie, that small scrap of happiness, rotting the garbage. So in the dark of night, he had searched the garbage can outside and after a smelly time digging through the trash he had found it. He made sure after to put the trash back into the bag and clean both him and the bowtie itself.

By some miracle he had not been heard or caught doing any of this. And he was able to hide the bowtie.

He hid the bowtie in a shoe box with other small, not father approved objects and books. He didn't dare store it under his bed. That was too easy a place to find it. His hiding place for the box was in his closet behind a stack of books and some folded clothes.

Sadly, it had not ended up being as good a hiding place as Mason had thought it would be. His father had found the box months later.

Mason still recalled the day he got home and his father was sitting at the dining room table, the box and it's contents in front of him. His father's expression had been unreadable. But he had known the moment he saw his father there that it was not going to be a good day.

That memory... he was unwilling to unpack or think about currently. But it was so hard to get back into the moment.

"Mason? You okay?" Buster asked.

Mason finally looked away from the bowtie and looked down to Buster. Buster's expression was so full of concern.

"You seemed lost in a thought for a bit there." Buster said.

Mason was still staring at the bow. Buster spoke up again.

"I hope I didn't accidently insult you." Buster said.

Mason was quick to answer now, fully snapped out of his memories.

"No! No no, you.. I'm just really moved that you thought of me. That's all." Mason said.

Buster relaxed a little more once hearing Mason's reply and that Mason was talking again.

"Good. I was a little worried." Buster said.

Now stepping into the building, Mason was still looking down at the gift. He looked to Buster with a smile.

"I'm going to go find the bathroom and put this on." Mason said. "Thanks again by the way." 

Buster nodded and went to find Nana. Mason waited until he got to the bathroom to cry some conflicted tears. Both some tears from those bitters moments from his childhood, and happy tears from the fact that he was so cared for now.

He could not tell Buster yet how much this gift meant to him. Maybe one day he would be ready to share. But tonight was not that night.

Besides, tonight was about good things. With good people. And with the family that he had chosen.