#Michael has done far too much for this show to get overlooked

[hoarder-of-dragons]

HAVE Y'ALL HEARD THE NEWS!!!

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hey! Saw your post and saw you said you were upsettie spaghetti so I wanted to cheer you up!

Slashers who stop everything they’re doing because their “My S/O needs me” senses are tingling and go to their rescue to comfort their angry s/o?

I was hoping to come up with A way for you to get your emotions out through your writing- 😅

Hope you feel better! 🖤

I've never done a post in this style before so hopefully I do okay! I think I covered pretty much all the slashers I write for so far (I didn't do Billy Lenz because I still need to read the novelization). I may have gone way overboard, so if I do these in the future, I'll probably just pick a few instead of doing the whole roster 😅 (or you can pick for me). But doing this much work did distract me!

Above the cut:

Bo Sinclair

Vincent Sinclair

Lester Sinclair

Included below the cut:

Michael Myers (OG)

Jason Voorhees

Leslie Vernon

Thomas Hewitt

Bubba Sawyer

Brahms Heelshire

Erik ("The Phantom")

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC slasher)

Kathleen Montgomery (OC slasher)

Masterlist

***

Bo Sinclair

Despite being autistic, Bo is very in tune with peoples auras and body language. He has to be to manipulate and deceive people with any modicum of success. He's trained himself when it comes to these things; even besides masking or manipulation, he needed to be keenly aware of when his parents were in Bad Moods so he could either avoid them or prepare himself.

The mood he's probably best at when it comes to this, for those reasons, is anger. He can smell anger a mile away. So if you're fuming, you better believe he notices.

At first he's annoyed and will demand to know what your problem is. He's not a very tolerant person, and he can be a bit of a hypocrite. He's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but when it comes to others having big, messy feelings ... he's not so comfortable with that. He gets overwhelmed.

Once he realizes that this is more than an attitude problem, he'll take it much more seriously. And assuming you're not mad at him, he'll want the rundown on the whole situation from beginning to end. He wants all the dirt.

He'll let you rant, and honestly, he'd think you being this angry (when it's not directed at him, but even still sometimes) is kind of sexy. And don't expect him to shut his mouth, either; he'll be ranting right along with you, affirming you and insulting whomever/whatever you're angry about.

He doesn't wanna cuddle. He genuinely thinks you can't cuddle anger away. He'll put on some loud-ass music and let you vent your frustration however you prefer. Maybe suggest a long drive down to the lake or into town or just ... picking a direction and going. He has fantasies of running away from his anger sometimes. He knows how it is.

Depending on what you're angry about, it could definitely get to the point where he's angrier about the situation than you are. And if it really hurt you, he will not let it go as long as he lives. The best he will ever do is maintain a grudging neutrality or distance from the person/situation that made you angry.

He's very protective. If you're angry at someone you need to maintain a relationship with, you're going to have to keep an eye on Bo to make sure he doesn't deliver revenge for you behind your back. If it's something he can solve, he'll do it, so if you don't want him running his mouth, watch him.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent is in the same boat as Bo when it comes to sensing auras, though his handle on body language and facial expressions is not as keenly honed. While Vincent was not physically abused as brutally or as often as Bo, this wasn't because of some sterling quality he had that Bo lacked. He was always The Good One because he saw what his parents did to The Bad One and knew he needed to protect himself. He tried not to do anything that might provoke his parents.

You can feel anger before a fight like you smell ozone before a storm. Vincent is attuned to the feeling not just because of his parents but because of Bo's temper, too. Because of this, like Bo, he can very accurately sense anger in particular.

His initial reaction is to observe you, gauging if you need time to cool off. If you need space, Vincent is the Sinclair for you. He's used to being quiet and deflecting and riding out anger.

However, once he realizes that your anger is not directed at him or isn't explosive enough to become a problem for him, he's concerned. Rather than asking what happened, he will ask if you're okay, and leave it up to you whether you'll tell him about it or not.

If you vent, he'll sit and listen patiently, maybe even thoughtfully working on a sculpture while you rant. He's not judgemental and he can be very emotional himself, so you could say the most ridiculous, dramatic things and he wouldn't even bat an eye. Let out all your messy, destructive thoughts and feelings. Just try not to throw or punch anything; that's when he shuts down.

If you decide you just want comfort, or decide you need comfort after ranting, art is his first suggestion. It may seem cold to you at first, that his instinct isn't to hold you or kiss you but rather to redirect you to a project - once you got to know him, however, you'd know that's his most genuine way to show he cares. Redirecting to something creative calms him down more than platitudes ever could, and he wants that for you. He's nonjudgmental about the art you create as well, even if it's objectively terrible. It's not about the quality.

He won't turn you down if you need physical affection, however. His twin is extremely tactile, so it wouldn't be the first time he held someone after a breakdown. He prefers to do this if he's certain you won't lash out physically, but if you were in a really bad way and needed to be touched, he'd do it regardless.

Lester Sinclair

Lester witnessed his parents' anger, but it was usually indirectly; if Bo was the Bad One and Vincent was the Good One, he was the Overlooked One. He's not a perfect person, probably not even a good person, but of the three brothers, he's the most normally socialized. He isn't trained to be tuned into everyone's every shifting mood in order to survive.

It takes Lester a little longer to pick up on your anger than his brothers, but not too much longer. It takes him a couple tries at trying to talk to you or get your attention before he realizes something is really wrong.

His first reaction is to get upset. He soaks up emotions like a little sponge, so he's suddenly cranky, too. He also jumps to conclusions and assumes that you're angry with him, and he does not take rejection well. He might be bitter and passive aggressive. You being angry just makes him want to go in another room and not be around you, and yet at the same time, he wants your reassurances. It's messy and sad.

Once he realizes - either through observing you or through you communicating with him - that you're mad at another person or situation, then he'll feel comfortable enough to approach you and ask you about it. You'll definitely need to reassure him that you're not mad at him though.

If you wanna rant, he'll take you on a long drive and let you vent your heart out to him. He won't be quite as aggressive as Bo, but he'll be on your side, frowning with disapproval, telling you "Ya can't fix stupid." If you want only comfort or need comfort after venting, he feels much more equipped for that. He'll put something relaxing in the VHS or let you play his old Super Nintendo, get you a beer, just let you chill out. And he'll let you win at Doctor Mario.

If the situation is something really serious, you best believe he'll be talking to his brothers about it the second he gets a chance. He may be a sweet guy, but he can be real nasty, and he doesn't fuck around when it comes to you. You might have to keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't tell someone off or punch out someone's lights.

Michael Myers (OG)

In 1978, Michael is not very in tune with any emotions besides fear, and even then he only really understands it in an abstract way, as his condition and upbringing haven't really been conducive to him learning about emotions. Unless you're screaming in terror, have tears running down your face, or are shouting angrily, he really can't read your moods. Without any obvious change to how you normally act or look, there's a huge chance he might just not notice if you're angry. He spends a lot of time in his own little world.

In 2018, even though he's spent over 50 years institutionalized, Michael has had time to take in the world, and he's seen a lot more. He understands fear much more than he did when he was 21, but what he understands most of all is anger. His anger fuels him. He would pick up on yours right away and be curious, though he wouldn't verbalize it.

If you tell him how you feel, he'll take note of it. If he witnesses you doing something destructive because of your anger, he'll simply observe. He would be fascinated with this thing you're doing, because it's not something you normally do, and though he might not notice emotions, he certainly notices routine and pattern. Either way, you'll have to tell him how you feel, because he'll simply watch you otherwise.

One thing that can be said for Michael is that he's a good listener. He may not internalize everything you say, but he will remember what he thinks is important. You may be surprised; he may remember tiny little details that seem inconsequential to you but loom large in his mind.

Unless you were caused serious physical or mental harm, he would not be angry on your behalf. He would, however, do nothing to assuage your anger. He thinks it would be kinda neat and interesting to see you snap. He's not 100% sure why you don't just do it.

In 1978, he won't be much help beyond listening to you, but he would be curious to see what you do to vent your anger. You may find him by your side more often, observing you. He may also want to find and observe the object of your anger, especially if it's a person. In 2018, he would, in his own way, suggest you solve the problem by murdering someone/something. He's insatiable, but killing is the closest he's ever come to satisfaction. You should try it.

Jason Voorhees

Out of all of the slashers, Jason is the most likely to actually literally sense your anger, especially if you're psychically sensitive/powerful like Tina Shepard. I'm talkin'—assuming you have a pre-established relationship—he'll be doing something else and just get this itch that tells him you're out there somewhere, pissed off.

Obviously this is untenable. As long as he's not super busy or Pamela has other plans, Jason will stomp his way through the woods to get back to you, regardless of the urgency of your anger. If Pamela doesn't approve, well, he'll let a little anger go and assume you're okay. If he suspects you may be in danger, though, he's sprinting regardless of what Mom says. There's time for both things, Ma!

The first thing he'll do when he returns to you is scan your dwelling, then you, making sure nothing is broken. At that point, you'd probably be able to sense his confusion even without him signing. Jason doesn't experience emotions quite like a human anymore, and he's quite tactile besides, so a lack of tangible or visible clues as to why you're upset would trip him up for a second.

He doesn't want to comfort you at first, he wants to know what's wrong. He'll listen to you vent only long enough to understand the situation and identify his target. His immediate next move would be to eliminate the problem. You'll definitely have to hold him back, and it may take a bit of convincing. Earthly consequences don't really apply to him.

Before comfort comes blowing off steam, for you and for him. His first choices would be mangling some trees (you can pretend it's for firewood) or skipping/throwing stones into the lake. You're welcome to join him if those things calm you down; watching him get his stone to skip like 11 times on Crystal Lake may make you feel better, at least.

You might hang out there for hours before he suddenly decides it's time to go home. He'll do what he can to make your comfortable or stay out of your way while you make yourself comfortable, then comfort you as you please. His go-to choice is always foot or hand massages.

Leslie Vernon

Leslie is extremely observant and surprisingly analytical given how silly he is in the day to day. His intuition makes it pretty easy for him to read people, but especially you, since you two are so close. Especially-especially if you're his Survivor Girl (gender neutral term of course). You two are in sync, so he knows if something's up. Maybe even before you fully figure it out.

God, you're so hot when you're angry, you really are. He almost wants to let you scream and holler and go nuts. But he prefers you only get angry like that at him, especially if you're his Survivor Girl, so his first move is to comfort you or talk you down to a place where you can be comforted. He'll speak to you calmly and rationally, reassuring you and touching you if you wanna be touched—on your upper arms or shoulders or face, or with one arm around your back.

He doesn't just want to comfort you, though, he wants to calm you down enough that you can tell him what happened. Even if you claim you don't want to talk about it, he will coax it out of you eventually. He's gotta know what got you so upset. It's his business to know everything about you!

Assuming you're angry at someone/something that isn't him, he'll talk it through with you. If you're upset about an argument with someone, he has the capacity to see it from the other side, but ultimately, he's there for you. He'll let you bitch as much as you want, still touching you, and he'll be disgusted and/or disappointed with the situation.

Above all, though, what he wants is to see you smile again. The only worries on your mind should be the ones he comes up with, and man, he's not even halfway done grooming the next batch of unlucky teenagers. He'd pat your face or touch your hair and tell you to cheer up, and probably defuse the situation with a stupid quip or joke. Take you out somewhere fun, maybe.

Once you were cheered up, he'd humbly suggest you solve your problem with a little murder. "I mean, I know killing's not really your thing—you're really good at it, though, a talent! You know that..." Pause, considering you. "You want me to do it? 'Cause I can clear my schedule for the rest of the night." If you decline, he'd be like "Suit yourself" but may or may not still murder whoever upset you. If you agree, he'd be super excited to make a romantic night of it. His mind would be going a million miles an hour planning everything out.

Thomas Hewitt

Tommy knows anger when he sees it. Not only does he have loads of internalized anger, he's been on the receiving end of it plenty. He's far too large to be scared of anyone in a physical sense anymore, but he's been shouted at countless times. To know when to shut up and do as he's told versus arguing back, he's learned to gauge intensity and direction of anger, and he well knows that anger can be redirected to him.

So, he instantly recognizes your mood, but it might be a while before he approaches you. When he does approach, he'll let you decide what to do, whether that's throwing your arms around him or banging your fists on his chest to vent your anger. You won't hurt him.

Eventually, once you're all hugged or cried or screamed out, he'll wrap his arms around you and give you a reassuring squeeze. There's no need to tell Tommy what's wrong—he won't ask unless you're obviously in serious distress or injured—but if you decide to speak, he'll listen, brows drawn tightly the whole time. He's thoughtful about the situation.

If you're mad at someone in his family, there isn't much he can do for you besides comfort you and assure you that whoever upset you—Hoyt, probably—didn't mean what they said. If you were hurt physically, it would be another story, but his family gets in shouting matches all the time.

Rather than offering help, he'd wait for you to request it of him. Whatever you ask, shy of hurting his family, he will do. Murder someone? No problem. Make you some food? You got it. Bring you a blanket? Sure. Give you some quiet alone time? That's fine, too.

If you need to vent, he's got plenty of ways to get out your frustration. Plenty of farm work to do, or you could work on something around the house with him. He might suggest knitting or sewing or some other handicraft you enjoy. It always makes him feel better to buckle down and use his hands for something.

If you're still preoccupied/upset by the time you two bed down, or heaven forbid the next morning, then he starts taking it more seriously. Something that disturbs you for that long is bad news. He'll watch you carefully the next couple days to see how you're doing, waiting for you to need him for something.

Bubba Sawyer

Like Tommy, Bubba has been on the receiving end of anger many, many times, so he's familiar with what it looks and feels like. Despite his size, he's still susceptible to physical violence at the hands of his loved ones, so he's very wary of anger.

However, he doesn't have a female presence in his life like Luda Mae, who expresses her anger through passive aggression—so, he's more used to shouting and screaming. If you aren't prone to screaming and shouting, it might take a little bit for him to realize you're not just sad or upset, you're angry.

Bubba will be over you. He'd give anyone else their space because he'd be afraid of retaliation, but you're his special person, and he's pretty sure you're not going to hurt him. He'll touch your hair, your arms, your wrists; he'll babble as he tries to figure out what's wrong. He just wants to comfort you and let you know everything is all right.

If it's too much or you're overwhelmed and you snap at him, he'll ease back. He'll blubber like a kicked puppy, but he won't give up. He'll still try to comfort you, just in other ways, such as getting you a comfort item or article of clothing, or maybe some food. And boy will he helicopter.

There's no need to tell Bubba what's wrong. In fact, it might be better if you didn't; if it's something he can't fix, it would do nothing but majorly stress him out. If it was one of his family members who upset you, as with Tommy, he wouldn't be able to do much. Even if you were hurt, he's just not in a position to stand up for you. That fact would absolutely kill him, though. He'd end up getting even more upset than you.

He doesn't know what help to offer you beyond comfort, but like Tommy, if you requested something specific, he'd try to carry out your wishes. He'll also try to cheer you up with some music and dancing, or just being silly like you like.

Need to blow off steam? He's got plenty of coping mechanisms! Bubba's idea of a perfect de-stress session is turning up the radio and getting lost in crafts. He's got lots of supplies, mostly to create clothing and accessories, and you're special, so you can have your pick. A drive and the radio might be nice, too. If neither of those appeal to you, he'll try cooking or baking with you. He loves sharing the kitchen with someone.

If none of that works and you're still upset, be prepared, because he's gonna be an anxious mess until you're better.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is somewhat familiar with other people's anger. He certainly has a whole fountain of internalized anger brewing just beneath the surface, but that's different. He knows that when Mummy is angry, she yells and cries, and when Daddy is angry, he seethes and stews. The former would be obvious to him, but the latter would take him a few minutes to be quite sure about. You're not acting how you usually do. Are you being stern or are you angry? Are you cross with him?

He does not have a lot of empathy for other people, so if your anger gets in the way of his routine or the attention he wants, he'll be irked, cranky, sad. Not necessarily at you—though that is possible—but the situation in which you find yourselves.

Much like Bo, he's allowed to have big, messy feelings, but it makes him uncomfortable and scared when other people have those feelings. He might even hide from you for a while, especially if you screamed and cried.

Once he realizes something is really wrong and you're not mad at him, however, he'll start thinking of ways to cheer you up so things can go back to normal. He hates having his routine interrupted; he's very particular. And he cares for you, so seeing you in distress is very scary and uncomfortable for him.

He'll start by fetching you something you like—something manageable for him like your favorite juice or a sandwich, or if you have a special item or article of clothing, that. He's quite shy, though, and like I said, he'll probably be hiding, so he'll leave it somewhere he knows you'll find it (on the bed, outside your door, on your desk, etc.)

If that doesn't calm you down and your anger is really getting in the way of his routine, or otherwise making him uncomfortable, he'll finally make an appearance. Very bashful and timid at first, using his little boy voice. "What's wrong, Y/N? Did something bad happen?"

If it's something that can't be helped, he'll suggest you do something together to take your mind off it (most likely something he likes to do). He may even be coaxed into taking a walk around the grounds, though he doesn't like to leave the manor at all, so you'd have to convince him. He prefers quiet playtime, maybe some coloring books or loud music to vent your emotions. It would intrigue him to see someone else use his toys to calm down. As long as you recognized he was being very nice, sharing them.

If it was an argument you had with someone, he would want more information. Are they likely to leave you alone, or will they come to the manor? Will he have to deal with them? Because it's scary, but he'll do it for you.

If, for some reason, none of those things work, he may cry or throw a fit. Either way, he'll be frustrated. Adult Brahms may make an appearance and try to help you in more Adult ways.

Erik

Though he lives five cellars beneath an opera house now, Erik hasn't always been entirely reclusive. Even these days, when he can stomach it, he sometimes goes out to see the world. As a younger man, he observed people's lives and moods with a hungry fascination (that has now mostly been replaced by melancholy and longing and bitter anger). Like several of the other slashers here, he's had to train himself to sense fury to protect himself. He's also incredibly wrathful, so you could call him an expert!

He has a very keenly honed sense when it comes to you specifically, since he's watched you so much. He notices the change in your demeanor immediately.

If you know him as the "Angel of Music," his voice will appear to you once you're alone, asking you what's wrong and assuring you you can confide in him—he will insist you tell him, though. "There are to be no secrets between us, Y/N." He will listen without interjection as you vent your heart out, and when you're done, soothe you. Don't let his calming voice deceive you, though; behind that mirror, he's seething, planning to take matters into his own hands.

If you know him as Erik, he will go to you the second he recognizes the shift in your mood and take you from what you're doing, regardless of your wishes. He'll sit you down, kneeling before you with your hands in his, and gaze into your eyes, imploring you to tell him what's wrong. He'll absolutely allow you physical comfort, but he will also absolutely insist you tell. He'll need reassurance that you're not angry at him, because that thought would break his heart.

He will let you vent however you wish. You could have the most dramatic breakdown ever—throwing things, beating your fists on his chest, wailing—and he wouldn't judge you. He would be awfully concerned, though.

Will be 110% on your side. You are his poor little meow meow. "My poor love, my poor Y/N!" He is beside himself with sympathy for you and you only, and is very offended on your behalf.

He will always suggest music as an outlet for your anger, but he will have taken note of your other hobbies and interests as well. He'll fetch your things for you without being asked, as long as it won't separate him from you for very long. If you'd rather just have comfort, that's fine, too. He could hold your hand and caress your face for hours on end under normal circumstances, so no problem there. He may also suggest a little time on the surface, if you normally live in his home. Fresh air will do you both good, he reasons, and he enjoys spending time with you where others can witness it. It fills him with pride and love.

Otherwise, he's at your service for any other soothing activities you need. A calming bath, some sweets, shopping, anything. Perhaps avoid asking for any sexual contact, however. First of all, being asked directly makes him very skittish and nervous; second of all, his method of love-making (when you can coax him) is very intimate and tender, which may be tedious if you're in an angry mood.

Unless the situation is extremely serious or dire, his first priority is making sure you're soothed. Once that duty is fulfilled, however, he is absolutely angrier about it than you are. If it's not that serious, he won't skip straight to killing, if only because he knows it upsets you. He will definitely be writing an extremely strongly worded letter, however. If someone slighted you seriously, they're getting threatened. If someone hurt you physically, they're meeting the Punjab lasso.

Deacon Billings (OC Ghostface)

Deacon definitely knows when people are angry. His step-mom was a passive-aggressive laundry-folder and his dad was a storming out of the house kinda guy; when the two of them were together, they were all hushed but heated arguments at night when they thought he couldn't hear them, or else extremely embarrassing passive-aggressive arguments in public. Growing up, he found himself around a lot of angry people. And there's no shortage of anger in him, either.

So yeah, Deacon knows when people are pissed, and he knows when people are pissed at him. The thing is, he just thinks it's fucking hilarious. He was that kid that would goad peers and teachers just to be an asshole and had virtually no friends as a result. He's a menace on the internet, too: a horrible troll for no reason, stirring the pot even when he doesn't have a stake in the argument. He's trained himself to find people's weak spots so he can strike at them. He does it to make himself feel more in control of his life and his own anger.

So when you're ticked off, he's gonna notice the change immediately. If you made a vent post on social media, he probably knows you're angry before you even see him. He follows all your social media (even if you don't realize it) and checks it constantly. He'd call you out of curiosity to ask what happened. He's open about his stalking tendencies: "I saw your post, babe, who do I need to stab?"

If you otherwise come home angry, he'll be up on his feet, following you around the house and pestering you, trying to get you to tell him what's wrong. If you try to hug him, he won't push you away, but he'll be distracted, trying to needle answers out of you the whole time.

There's no question in his mind as to whether or not you're angry at him. He just assumes you're not; he has a pretty good handle on how you act when you're angry at him specifically.

He'll let you rant all day if you want. You could talk about the shit that's pissed you off for hours and he'd still listen. Outwardly, he might poke you a bit and play devil's advocate for the other side of the argument, if there is one. This is purely for the purposes of being a little shit.

Internally, he's already going down his pre-murder checklist. If it was someone at work, they're dead. Someone in the neighborhood, dead. Online? It'll take a couple days, but they're dead. Even if you're not angry at anyone in particular, just a situation, he'll find someone to menace. He'd walk through fire for your approval.

He's not good with soft, emotional comfort, so instead he'll try to think of something to help you let off steam. His go-to is something competitive, especially if it involves you chasing each other. A Nerf or water gun war, a PVP game with you on opposite sides. He'll put up a good fight, but you always kick his ass.

Once the immediate situation is addressed and you've ranted your heart out to him, he can't keep his hands off you. "Seeing you all pissed off drives me crazyyyyyy." He's grinning, brown eyes sparkling. "Come onnnnn ... I'll get it off your mind!"

Courtney Dwayne Delmont (OC)

Courtney is a hunter of all manner of game, so he's used to interpreting non-verbal cues and body language—when an animal is in distress, when an animal is about to attack, etc. His grandfather was a very angry man, as well, in a simmering sort of way. He would seethe about something before suddenly delivering one decisive strike. Courtney himself is not a particularly angry man, unless some prey is really giving him a hard time, but he can read your body.

If you come home angry, he'll stop in the middle of what he's doing and watch you, still and quiet, just confirming his suspicions. If you leave the room he's in to go collapse on the sofa or something, he'll follow you, looming over you and waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. He's patient.

If you want to vent, he'll sit and listen thoughtfully, doing something with his hands while you speak—probably cleaning his gun or some other weapon. He doesn't look at you. He wouldn't demand greater context to the situation but he would ask "Why?" and "Who?" until he understood Enough.

If you want comfort, he'll sprawl on the couch and let you lay on top of him. He'll probably pull a blanket on top of you to try and encourage a nap. If the nap doesn't make you feel better, he's feeding you protein. Do you like homemade jerky?

Sex is also on the table (not literally ... unless). He's found it's a great way to blow off steam, and he's more than happy to make all worries, troubles, and other thoughts go away for a little bit. Expect that to be the rest of your night, though, because he doesn't do quickies.

Generally, he trusts you to handle your own shit, so he would be more focused on you than whatever made you feel the way you do. However, if days passed and you were still angry/upset/sad, or if it plunged you into a breakdown or was an otherwise extremely serious situation ... just give him a target. It's up to you, but if you tell him to take the shot, it'll be quick and clean. If you're unable to make the decision, he'll decide for you without hesitation.

Kathleen Montgomery (OC)

I'm still developing her so this one won't be as in-depth and is subject to change.

Kath makes it her business to know everything about you. Chances are she's seen you explode screaming while stalking you ... chances are, if you've been in a relationship for a while, she's made you explode screaming. She knows what you look like when you're angry. Besides, she's strong for her size, but she often has to take down people who are much bigger and stronger than her; she uses manipulation and trickery to help ease that divide, so she's good at reading people.

Like Deacon, she also monitors all your social media, so if you made a vent post, she already knows you're in a shitty mood before you come home. Unlike Deacon, she doesn't tell you how she knows, so you're left to assume she's just all knowing. Considering her god complex, that works for her.

She'd probably text you to come home, and she expects you to answer. If you're unable to come home, she'll call you to ask what's wrong.

Once you're together, she wants to know everything about the situation. Even as you're speaking, she's already on her phone or laptop, looking up the people involved. Instead of getting mad on your behalf, she laughs. She's a fan of emphasizing how pathetic or weak the opposition is.

She takes your feelings on the subject seriously, but everyone else in the situation? Insects. Not even worthy of your time or concern, let alone hers. You're obviously in the right here (even if you're not). She'll tell you as much, and say some pretty intense, over-the-line things about whomever/whatever you're angry at.

Overall, however, she's calm and collected about the situation. Your bout of anger is a chance to get you to be reckless with her. She'll do your hair and makeup and dress you up nice, then take you out. Fast driving, drinking, baiting people at bars, menacing neighborhoods ... maybe a little killing, if you'd like.

***

Masterlist

[slasherhaven]

How would slashers react to their fem s/o talking down to herself and making jokes about herself and saying “I’m worthless” while laughing, ly man hope I’m not a pain in the ass💛🧡🤍

You’re not a pain in the ass!! Here you go!

The Slashers’ S/O Having a Self-Deprecating Sense of Humour:

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas does not stand for this nonsense at all!

Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that, Y/n! You’re perfect!

You get a stern look from the man every time you make a mean joke about yourself.

He doesn’t understand! You make such mean jokes about yourself but as soon as he shows insecurity, you are so dedicated to making him feel better about himself and telling him not to think of himself that way.

Luda May will also chastise you for making those jokes about yourself.

Thomas and Luda May are very dedicated to building your confidence and self esteem, neither of them liking to hear you talk so poorly about yourself even if you are joking.

If you’re alone and you make a joke like that, he will wrap his arms around you and hold you against his chest. His silent way of telling you to stop talking like that and to tell you that he loves you.

Even if you try to assure him that you don’t mean it, that it’s all just jokes, Thomas thinks they are far too frequent to just be jokes.

He just never wants you feeling bad about yourself in anyway! He wants you to see yourself the way he loves you, absolutely perfect.

Michael Myers

He doesn’t think much of it at first. He just assumes it’s your sense of humour and he can laugh at people messing up or doing something dumb.

So if you do something dumb and laugh as you chastise yourself, he’ll (silently) laugh along, not thinking it’s anything serious.

When the comments and jokes about yourself continue though, he starts to grow more concerned. With each joke, they seem less funny, less like jokes.

Michael is a little more aggressive when it comes to getting you to stop talking bad about yourself but what do you expect?

Will just place a hand over your mouth and you can feel his glare even through the mask. You get the idea pretty quick.

It’s pretty sweet that he even cares about that sort of stuff when he acts so stoic most of the time.

Jason Voorhees

Lots of disappointed but concerned glances.

Like Thomas, he doesn’t stand for this sort of thing. He doesn’t let the comments and jokes pass. He can’t just ignore them.

How can you be so concerned about how he think about himself but then talk about yourself in such a way?

Since he can’t speak, he tends to stroke your hair or invite you into a hug. You’re talking bad about yourself so you need comforting right??? Well, he’s going to do that anyway!

You quickly understand that Jason doesn’t like hearing you talk like this about yourself.

Jason is just going to supply you with some extra love and affection in the hopes that it will help build your self esteem, in the hopes that you will start to see yourself the way he sees you.

Brahms Heelshire

The comment had made Brahms frown at first but then you laughed so he tried to brush it off. After all it was just a joke...right?

But the more ‘jokes’ you make, the more concern he feels.

He’s just trying to understand where the joke ends and your real thought begin.

He just doesn’t want you feeling that way about yourself...

He will probably question you about it, asking why you make so many jokes about yourself but you brush it off, telling him that you’re just joking and that he shouldn’t worry. But he will.

Eventually, when you’ve made one too many jokes, he’ll wrap his arms around you from behind and mumble for you to stop it.

You have to do what he says right? So please stop making such mean jokes about yourself.

Bo Sinclair

Bo isn’t going to be bothered by a self deprecating joke here and there. They’re just jokes, he understands that, so it’s not that serious. 

But once he realises how frequent they are, he starts to genuinely worry, thinking it could be coming from a more serious place.

He knows what it’s like to brush off comments, acting like they are meaningless when they are more honest that you would care to admit. And he doesn’t want you to feel that way.

Tells you to ‘quit it’ when you make another joke about yourself. 

At first your confused before realising that it bothers him, that he doesn’t like hearing you talk down to yourself.

Just remember that Bo is not a very patient man, nor is he very charitable. If you truly were worthless, you wouldn’t be here still. And he will probably tell you that bluntly, he means it in a caring way though.

And if you need more sincere comfort, he is able to provide that as well. Getting you to promise to be more kind to yourself.

Vincent Sinclair

Won’t even humour the first joke you make. He knows better than to just let comments like that slide without questioning them, he’s done it to himself enough.

As soon as you talk bad about yourself, even jokingly, Vincent is frowning and tilting his head at you.

It’s moments like these that he wishes he could talk, to tell you that you’re wrong and properly express to you how much he cares for you and how he sees you.

You’re so persistent about him being kinder to himself and having more self esteem but than you talk about yourself like that. 

How can he make you see that to him it’s the same thing? The way you joke about yourself makes him feel the same way you do when he hides his face from you.

Whenever you’re alone and you make the joke, Vincent will pull you into a hug and stroke your hair. You get the idea pretty quick.

Glares at Bo if he laughs at the joke or in some way agrees or encourages it.

Lester Sinclair

Lester probably also has a bit of a self deprecating sense of humour. He is aware of how other people see him and how he presents himself. 

And while he is generally pretty unfazed and confident despite that, he can make a joke or two about himself.

That’s why he doesn’t react too much when you start making the jokes.

“God, I’m so stupid”

“You’re still smarter than me but that ain’t much of a challenge”

He sees it as harmless at first.

Then realises that it probably isn’t.

He playfully insulted himself and you had frowned, telling him to stop that.

And the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he didn’t really find that stuff funny...it was more about him saying it before somebody else did. 

Then he had the thought of what if you felt the same way.

From then on whenever you make a mean joke about yourself, he tells you that you’re wrong and that you’re wonderful and he loves you. 

God, he doesn’t want you to actually feel bad about yourself! So he plans on making you feel good about yourself no matter what it takes!

Bubba Sawyer

Bubba frowns as soon as you say the slightest unkind thing about yourself.

He simply doesn’t understand why you would say something like that when it was just so untrue, he thought you were perfect and was amazed you couldn’t see it as well.

He also didn’t understand why you were laughing, it wasn’t funny that you were insulting yourself!

He’s genuinely worried about you and how you see yourself.

When you tell a joke or laugh as you making a belittling comment about yourself, Bubba is going to try to fix it.

Wrapping his arms around you, holding you against his chest, as you receive some concerned babbling from the worried man.

No matter how much you reassure him that it’s all just jokes, he still doesn’t like it.

If you’re not going to be kind to yourself for your own sake, do it for his.

Billy Lenz

Billy might not even pick up on the jokes and comments at first but he quickly will.

Always puzzled by the way you talk about yourself. It’s something that should make you feel sad or disheartened but you just laugh.

You’re so kind, patient and accepting with him so how can you be so mean to yourself?

When you make a joke about you being worthless, Billy will frown before approaching you. 

Pulling you into an embrace and burying his face in your hair, mumbling about how mean you are to yourself and how he doesn’t like it at all.

You might brush off his concern at first but it eventually becomes impossible to ignore because the meaner you are to yourself, the more he tries to show you the opposite. 

Trying to get you to see yourself through his eyes. Why couldn’t you treat yourself as well as you treat him?

Otis Driftwood

Otis doesn’t worry at first when you start making some self deprecating jokes because they’re just jokes. He obviously has a dark sense of humour and even though he doesn’t make jokes at the expense of himself, he can understand not to take it too seriously.

But eventually it starts to bother him.

He would be able to overlook a few jokes, maybe even laughing along with them, but after so long he starts to realise that this might be more serious than he originally thought.

Making you weren’t really joking...

You’ll make another joke about how worthless you are and Otis will tell you to knock it off, a little harshly if other people are around, still surprising you all.

When you’re alone, and he’s in a good mood, and you tell another joke, he’s a little softer about it. Pulling you into him or on to his lap, telling you to stop joking about yourself like that because it ain’t true. 

You know he means it when he’s looking at you like that.

Baby Firefly

Like Otis, she understands that people have different senses of humour and if you like to make jokes about yourself that is fine.

She’ll even laugh along with the more light hearted jokes. 

But as soon as you laugh and call yourself worthless, she cupping your face in your hand and covering your face in kisses, telling you to stop lying to her.

Will compliment and praise you more as you make more jokes about yourself, trying to compensate for them.

Might joke about you saying “What? Do you think I have bad taste?” and if you say yes? Oh boy, she’s not happy. Time to show you why you’re so amazing!

She found that the best way to get you to stop making those jokes is for her to do the same to herself, so that you understand how she feels when she hears you belittling yourself.

Even when you know that she has an unshakable confidence, it hurts to hear her say mean things about herself.

She agrees to stop if you will, so you agree. You can’t help but laugh at her triumphant grin.

Yautja (Predator)

When you tell a joke about yourself, you’re alien mate is probably just going to tilt his head at you with a small squint.

He doesn’t always understand human humour. What you said was self deprecating, something that should upset you but you’re laughing? So it’s a joke and that’s alright...right?

He won’t say anything but he’ll keep an eye on it.

At first he even feels a little responsible. Has he made you feel this way, does he not express how much you mean to him properly? Has he failed you?

Little jokes he can try to overlook since it doesn’t seem to be upsetting you but as soon as you start calling yourself names, calling yourself stupid or worthless, he has to step in.

Little mate, do you think he would have courted so fiercely you if you were worthless. Do you believe than you bring him shame? Because you don’t, you bring him honour. Please do not make these false claims about yourself.

And, well, how can you argue with that? After all, he would never lie to you.

[itsclydebitches]

Hi! I was just watching good omens and I came up with some questions, but I didn't know whom to ask, so I was digging around for go analysis blogs and found you. *takes a breath* So, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on why Heaven's camera angles are the way they are. I noticed that, in heaven, the camera tends to focus on the characters' heads specifically, so they fill most of the screen. Either it's a meta reason or a reference to something (like Newt with the Office) that I'm not getting. That's the main thing, but I've also wondered why exactly Aziraphale uses the verb "fraternize" in the 19th century. It seemed an odd pivot from caring about Crowley's safety to Heaven's rules. Thanks so much!

Hello! Omg yes, let's talk Good Omens cinematography.

First, the obligatory Analysis Disclaimer: I doubt there's a specific interpretation that you're just not getting, some singular, "correct" reading of the scene(s). Two years past release, I'm positive the fandom as a whole has come up with plenty of ideas (I mostly hang on the periphery. I'm far from up to date with GO meta), but any and all of it will, by nature, be subjective. Thus, all I can offer is my own, personal interpretation.

So for me? It's about intimacy.

Not intimacy in the sense of friendship, but rather the broad idea of closeness. Confidentiality. Emotion. Knowledge. Understanding by means of literally getting into the thick of these conversations. I love the camerawork in Heaven (and elsewhere) because the camera itself acts like a person — an additional party to these interactions. And, since we're the ones watching this show via the camera, it makes it feel as if we're peeking into scenes that are otherwise private. Obviously all cinematography does this to a certain extent, the camera is always watching someone or something without acknowledging that we're doing the watching (outside of documentary-esque filmmaking), but GO uses angles and closeups to mimic another person observing these scenes, someone other than the characters involved.

The easiest example I can give here is when Michael makes their call to Ligur. Here, the camera is positioned up on the next landing of the staircase, as if we're sneaking a look down at this otherwise secret call. There's even a moment when the camera pans to the right to look at them through the gap in the railing, briefly obscuring Michael from our view.

Here, a standard expectation of any scene — keep your character in focus — is done away with to instead mimic the movements of someone actually hiding in the stairwell, listening in on the conversation. It creates that feeling of intimacy, as if we're really there with Michael, not just watching Michael through a screen. The camerawork acts like a person overhearing an illicit conversation prior to falling back on mid/closeup shots. We're spying on them.

To give a non-Heaven example, the camera helps us connect with Aziraphale during Gabriel's jogging scene. It's hard to show through screenshots, but if you re-watch you'll see that the camera initially keeps them both in the frame with full body shots, allowing us to compare things like Gabriel's unadorned gray workout clothes with Aziraphale's more stylish outfit; one's good jogging form and the other's awkward shuffle. However, this distance also creates the sense that we're jogging with them, we're keeping pace.

That is, until Aziraphale begins to lag. Then the camera lags too, giving them both the chance to catch up, so to speak.

Until, finally, Aziraphale has to stop completely and the camera, of course, stops with him. We're emotionally attuned to Aziraphale, not Gabriel, and the camerawork reflects that. Even more-so when we cut to a low shot of Gabriel's annoyed huff at having to stop at all, making him appear larger and more imposing. Because to Aziraphale, he is.

This work carries over into Heaven's other scenes. The closeups are pretty much a given since, whether it's Gabriel realizing Aziraphale has been "fraternizing" with Crowley (more on that below!), or Aziraphale choosing to go back to Earth, the scenes in Heaven are incredibly important to the narrative. Closeups allow the viewer to get a good read on each character's emotional state — focusing on minute facial changes as opposed to overall body language — and that fly-on-the-wall feeling is increased as we literally get an up close and personal look at these pivotal moments.

Compare a shot like this one of Gabriel to the line of angels ready for battle. We don't get closeups on any of their faces because their emotions aren't important. Yes, that's in part because they're background characters, not main characters, but a lack of emotion — their willingness to enter this war without question — is also the point of their presence in this scene. So they remain a semi-identical, nearly faceless mass that runs off into infinity down that hallway, not any individual whose inner life we get a peek at via a closeup.

I particularly like Aziraphale's conversation with the angel... general? Idk what to call this guy. He's just gonna be Mustache Angel. But, getting back on track, his scene has a lot of over the shoulder shots which, admittedly, are pretty common. From a practical perspective they're used to help the audience situate both characters in the scene — you're here, you're there, this is how you're spaced during this conversation — but it can also help emphasize that closeness between them. Keeping both characters in the shot connects them and though Aziraphale and Mustache Angel definitely aren't on the same page here, those shots help cue us in to the unwanted intimacy of this moment. They're both angels... even though Aziraphale no longer aligns himself with them. They're both soldiers in a war... but Aziraphale will not fight. This angel has a list of Aziraphale's secrets, including that he once had a flaming sword and lost it... but Aziraphale doesn't want to admit those circumstances to him. This angel wouldn't understand, even if he did. Intimacy here, connection and closeness, is something discomforting because Aziraphale can no longer embrace those similarities. They put him (and us) out of sorts, so when we get them both in frame, that connection creates tension, not relief.

And many of those over the shoulder shots are given sharp angels, or the camera is placed too close to the "off screen" party. Compare a shot like Luke and Rey to Aziraphale and Mustache Angel. Here, Luke is a clean, solid line on the left side of the screen, just enough there to cue us in to where he is in relationship to Ray, In contrast, Mustache Angel's mustache is Too Close and proves rather distracting. Rey and Luke are connecting here over being Jedi with responsibilities to uphold (or at least, Luke will acknowledge that connection later lol); Mustache Angel is forcing a connection with Aziraphale that makes everyone uncomfortable.

We are too close to him here. He feels too close to Aziraphale too. This whole conversation is upsetting and discomforting, pushing Aziraphale to finally choose which side he's on (his own with Crowley). The shots aren't meant to subtly keep the audience from getting lost and then otherwise be unobtrusive, we're supposed to be Very Aware of this angel's body and how close he's getting to the character we've come to identify with — both literally (he's leaning in) and in terms of forcing Aziraphale to finally make his choice.

When Mustache Angel marches forward and gets all up in Aziraphale's face, the camera positions itself behind Aziraphale in a way that makes it feel like we're hiding behind him, with Aziraphale taking up far more of the screen than Luke does. Like the scene with Michael or running with Gabriel, the camera often likes to mimic a "realistic" response to these events. This angry, shouty angel is getting closer, best take a step back and stay out of sight behind Aziraphale, holding his ground.

These closeups also serve as a nice contrast to the wide and longshots we get of Heaven. It's an imposing place with skyscrapers in the distance, lots of steel, immaculate floors, and endless white. It's overwhelming and it's cold. But then we cut to those mid-shots of Gabriel and Michael, telling us that they're in control of it all.

Aziraphale? Aziraphale is not in control. Not now, anyway. When he appears in Heaven we get a longshot to show off this endless void and he's just another, tiny speck in it. If he weren't flailing around — an acting move that likewise helps sell how out of his depth he is — it's unlikely you'd even notice him. Aziraphale's clothing and hair blends in perfectly with the background. He's forgettable. Easily overlooked. Someone to underestimate. And when he moves, he has to come to the camera. We don't cut to Aziraphale to establish control like we do with Gabriel. He's left to awkwardly shuffle up to Mustache Angel until he's finally come into view.

Yet when Aziraphale makes his decision, he aligns himself with the brightest, most colorful, most interesting thing in the room: Earth. Earth, with all its messy individuality, is the antithesis to Heaven's controlled uniformity and a bright blue orb hanging in the midst of all this white helps remind us of that. Aziraphale rejects becoming one of the identical soldiers and instead literally reaches out for the one thing in Heaven that doesn't fit in.

When he leaves, we get an extreme closeup for the first time. Mustache Angel is pissed and as such we not only get a good look at his face in the aftermath of Aziraphale's choice, but that extreme closeup on his mouth as he's shouting too. It's like he's shouting directly at us, the viewer who is currently cheering on Aziraphale's decision. There's a war, dammit... but we don't care. Not in the way he cares, anyway.

So there's a lot! And I could probably go on, but apparently I'm only allowed to add 10 images per post now (tumblr what the actual fuck if anyone knows a way around this please share!) and I've already had to merge a bunch of images like an animal. So let's awkwardly finish up with the duck pond scene.

...without a GIF because they apparently count as images too 🙃

Simply put, I don't think Aziraphale bringing up fraternizing is a pivot from one to the other — from caring about Crowley to caring about Heaven's rules. I mean yes, Aziraphale is lagging behind Crowley in terms of rebellion and a part of him is, at this point, absolutely concerned with how he'll come across to the higherups, but that worry doesn't stem solely from a (now very shaky) desire to obey for the sake of obeying. The thing is, Aziraphale's disobedience is, by default, also Crowley's disobedience. If they're friends and they're ever found out, they'll both get in trouble. Which, we know from the end of Season One, basically means being wiped from existence. That's horrifying! And it's a horror that threatens them both. I don't think Aziraphale cares about rules for the sake of rules; after all, he started off by giving away his sword, lying to God, is currently meeting with Crowley anyway... this angel has always ignored/bent the rules — established and implied — that don't suit him. Rather, he cares about the rules if he thinks they have a chance of being enforced. If there will be consequences for breaking and bending them. This is still about caring for Crowley (as well as saving his own, angelic skin). If they're found out, Crowley dies. And, as we the viewer learn, Heaven was indeed observing them that whole time. There was always legitimate risk attached to this relationship. Aziraphale's fear, hesitance, and at times forceful pleas to stop this stem as much from Aziraphale worrying about Crowley's safety as they do a learned instinct to obey the rules without question. He pushes to end the relationship because the relationship threatens the only thing Aziraphale cares about more than that: Crowley himself.

As for the term "fraternizing," that's a loaded one! I won't go into a whole history lesson here, but suffice to say it has military roots: to sympathize as brothers with an opponent. That is literally what Crowley and Aziraphale are doing. They are an angel and a demon, supposedly innate enemies, supposedly poised for an inevitable war... yet they've formed an incredibly strong kinship. They've both learned to love their enemy, the thing every army fears because, well, then your army won't fight (just as Aziraphale won't). However, beyond the enemy implications, "to fraternize" eventually took on a sexual meaning: to not merely love as a brother, but to lay with the enemy too, usually women from enemy countries (because, you know, heteronormativity). Nowadays, "to fraternize" often implies a sexual component. I've been rewatching The Good Wife lately and in one subplot, the State's Attorney cracks down on fraternization in his office. He doesn't mean his employees are forming bonds with assumed enemies, he means his employees are having sex on his office couch. So Aziraphale's phrasing here carries a LOT of weight. He's both reminding Crowley of their stations in the world — you are a demon, I am an angel, us meeting like this can have formal, irrevocable consequences for us both — as well as, given the fact that this is a love story, drawing attention to the depth of this relationship. They love one another, as more than just friends. Though whether Crowley's scathing "Fraternizing?" is a response to Aziraphale falling back on the technicalities of their positions, or acknowledging a love he's yet to overtly admit and commit to — or both! — is definitely up for debate.

[chlodohh]

Hello tumblr! I don’t post often and this is a little late to the party, but I would like to make an argument in favor of Dear Evan Hansen in light of its recent slander. Be prepared.

Everyone is shitting on Dear Evan Hansen, especially with the movie coming out, and say that Be More Chill is much better. DEH and BMC share a very similar premise; the geeky main character (both weirdly known for their striped shirt) compromise their identity in pursuit of popularity and their love interest, ultimately doing terrible deeds against others. As someone who has seen both on Broadway, I think the hate on DEH is a little overdone. Note: this is not to trash BMC – I enjoyed both, but personally connected much more with DEH.

One of the main arguments against DEH is how they portray Evan in a sympathetic way, although his lying scheme is absolutely atrocious and extremely harmful to the Murphy family and the other characters. It is true that he consistently does worse and worse things throughout the show that shouldn’t be overlooked, but one of the big themes of the story is how everyone is imperfect: Jared’s insensitivity, Alana’s perfectionistic coldness, Mr. Murphy’s overbearing strict attitude, Mrs. Murphy’s passivity, Connor’s anger – these are all flaws in the characters that influence each other, yet make them human. No one in the show is a “villain”. Even Pasek and Paul emphasize how Evan’s actions, while having bad consequence, are always done to try and help others – his first selfish act is showing the “suicide letter” to Alana, by which then he has already spiraled too far into his lie. After things fall apart, you see Evan reflect on his actions, understand the purpose and harm behind them, and ultimately begin to repair the relationships he’s damaged along the way. The conclusion provides an open ending – you see a resolution where Evan finally “steps into the sun”, taking the first steps to heal, yet it also still accepts that his issues and his wrongdoings cannot be magically fixed in one song. After the events of the show, his character still has room to grow and improve.

In contrast, Jeremy’s actions in BMC are first and foremost for his own benefit (I’m not even gonna mention the book – he’s just terrible in that). He similarly does things throughout the show that hurt the characters close to him, but the consequences are instead tied to the SQUIP. Although Jeremy makes the conscious decision to abandon Michael, use Brooke as a stepping stool for popularity, and reject his true self, it is supposedly under the influence of the SQUIP, putting less moral weight on Jeremy. The climax of the conflict portrays Jeremy as a “hero” that defeats the “villain” SQUIP, saving the characters from the super computer even though he was the one to cause the conflict in the first place. The conclusion brushes over his apology to Brooke and Christine, and there is little remorse shown for his actions. To me it feels like a shallow, classic happily ever after where Jeremy gets the girl and learns to accept himself, but faces little repercussion or remorse for the harm he’s done.

Both musicals also are targeted towards a similar audience of teens and young adults, touching upon topics most relatable to our up and coming generation – mental illness, isolation, and social media, among other topics. While DEH mainly focuses on Evan and his downfall into his lie, it hints at other serious issues and follows through with them. Each character has a function in the story, and are fully developed. With Heidi, you see the difficulty of single parenthood, the concept of trying your hardest and still being unable to provide. In Zoe, you see bitterness and spite, yet also a yearning for affection rooted so far in her that she deliberately wills herself to believe a fantasy. Even Connor, who we barely see his actual self alive in the first few minutes, serves to show the alienation and crushing defeat of mental illness and suicide. All these smaller motifs are explored and fully developed, making the story much richer.

BMC also hints at really serious topics that are important, but ultimately fails to follow through on them. Here’s a good example: a huge motif in the musical is the idea of being a “side character” and being insignificant – Jeremy’s character repeatedly addresses this in multiple numbers like More than Survive and Loser Geek Whatever. And yes, the feeling of being insignificant and wanting the spotlight is something many teens face – it’s a valid issue. But then we see Michael, the canonical “player 1” of the best friend duo, only treated as a side character. Michael in the Bathroom, arguably one of the most iconic numbers in the show, shows him completely shoved aside, small, insignificant, invisible to his best friend. Yet he loyally returns to Jeremy, Jeremy’s apology is treated as a gag, and he remains a side character made only to benefit the main character – he gives everything for Jeremy, and receives nothing back. For such an important role, Michael was surprisingly absent for much of the show. Michael as a character had so much potential, and was terribly mistreated. Some other things: Jeremy literally gets sexually assaulted, and it’s never brought up again until he APOLOGIZES to Chloe and Brooke – an apology which is more genuine than the one to his best friend that he completely erased from his perception; In Upgrade, you see a glimpse of all the characters in turmoil, yet it’s swept over and none of them are fully developed; AND, Joe Iconis casually throws out that none of the characters are straight, but other than Rich randomly revealing that he’s bi, it holds no significance to the show at all, making it feel suspiciously like token representation and a last-minute cop-out appeal to the LGBTQ+ community. BMC hints at a lot of important issues that relate very deeply in our generation, so it’s a little disappointing to see it all swept aside in favor of the “nerd boy gets girl” trope.

These are just my opinions on the two. And I know that I criticized BMC a lot here, but I actually really loved it and it was a huge phase for me for a long time – I really just want to use it as a comparison to DEH. Of course, you are all allowed to have your own opinions on the matter that differ from mine, but I just think the DEH slander has gone too far. Though I think we can all agree, Ben Platt does look a little silly in a wig.

[sleepykittypaws]

Celebrate the Olympic Spirit

Sure, the Olympics aren’t a holiday, per se, but the every-four-year, or two if you count both Summer and Winter editions separately, massive international sporting events sure seems like a reason to celebrate, especially given their recent, unprecedented delay. And what better way to get into the Games mood, than by watching a sports movie?

Here are my favorite motivating, inspirational, and aspirational tales of athletic derring do…

Favorite Sports Movies

The Cutting Edge (1992) - This figure skating romance was released around the 1992 Olympics, and actually name-checks that year's winter host city, Albertville, more than once.  It's not good in the traditional sense of great storytelling or athletic veracity, but I loved it so very much I saw it three times in the theater as a teen. Watching it at some point during every Winter Games is a tradition for me so, yeah, I can’t help it, I love this silly sports movie/romance, which also features a bit of holiday feels.

Wimbledon (2004) - It's a rom-com. It's a sports movie. It's a rom-com sports movie that really should be better known. Notting Hill but set at tennis' best-known event. Paul Bettany and Kristen Dunst have surprisingly great chemistry, and there's more sports-related tension than you'd think.

Friday Night Lights (2004) - A football movie for people who don't really like football. a.k.a. 🙋‍♀️. The TV series it spawned is also brilliant (”Clear Eyes, Full Hearts,” indeed), and well worth a watch, but the original movie, starring Billy Bob Thornton, is, honestly, a masterpiece. Definitely Peter Berg's best work and the original book, written by Berg's cousin, Buzz Bissinger, is a great read.

Muriel's Wedding (1994) - You mean you forgot this Australian export, which made Toni Collette a star, was a sports movie? Yep, one of my all-time favorite movies, of any genre, this absolutely brilliant, ABBA-soaked comedy is not only a girls-night go-to, but also a stealth Olympic sport classic.

Remember the Titans (2000) - OK, football isn't in the Olympics, but it sure does make for a good sports movie setting. Even if this early 1970s-set story is most definitely Disney-fied, Denzel Washington, Will Patton, Ryan Gosling and a baby Hayden Panettiere really sell this sort-of true story.

Invictus (2009)-Rugby isn't an Olympic sport, or even one most Americans know much about, but this Matt Damon-led, Clint Eastwood-directed, based-on-a-true-story tale made me care about a sport I'd only tangentially knew even existed before watching.

Hoosiers (1986)-I grew up in Indiana so, by law, I have to include this basketball classic on any "best of" sports movie lists. Also, it actually is really very good.

Rudy (1993)-Ditto the above. But, again, it's hard not to root for Sean Astin (and Jon Favreau!) in this love letter to the Fighting Irish. Plus, there’s no better scavenger hunt task or TikTok challenge than going into a bar and convincing a patron to allow you to put them on your shoulders and march around chanting, 'Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.' 

Miracle (2004) - Given how much more popular the Summer Olympics are, it's weird that the Winter Games seem to get all the good movies made about them, but this Kurt Russell-led true tale is another Disney sports movie classic.

McFarland, USA (2015) - Disney, and Kevin Costner, just really know how to make a sports movie, damn it! This movie made me care about cross country for which it, too, could have carried the title Miracle.

A League of Their Own (1992)-The best baseball movie ever. Yeah, I said what I said. Tom Hanks, Geena Davis, Lori Petty—even Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell are making it work. 1992 was a weirdly great year for sports movies.

Moneyball (2011) - A movie about baseball, and math, and yet it's also great, I swear. In addition to all of the above, it's also a stealth Christmas movie and maybe Chris Pratt's best non-Marvel, movie role.

Creed (2015) - This surprisingly effective Rocky reboot starring Michael B Jordan as Apollo Creed's illegitimate son has spawned its own movie series which, in many ways, exceeds the original Rocky franchise.

Rocky Balboa (2006) - Maybe it's because I was a toddler when the original Rocky came out, so only saw the ever-worse sequels as a kid, but this mid-aughts return to the character for Sylvester Stallone, as both writer and actor, is a triumph.

Eddie the Eagle (2016) - That Hugh Jackman features in as many movies (spoiler alert) on this list as Kevin Costner surprised me, too. This story of the English ski jumper who became infamous for being, well, less than golden, is one of those non-Olympic triumph stories that really works. If you're going to watch one underdog-at-the-Games movie, I definitely prefer this this to the more ubiquitous Cool Runnings.

Love & Basketball (2000) - Only because I'm an anglophile is this great, chemistry-filled Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps college basketball romance not my favorite sports-movie-meets-rom-com.

I, Tonya (2017) - Margot Robbie and a nearly unrecognizable Sebastian Stan are perfectly cast in this sarcastic, highly stylized look at the Tonya Harding scandal.

Pride (2007) - Apparently I like this swimming movie, which I think almost no one saw, better than critics, but I found this 1970s-set, Terrence Howard-Bernie Mac-starring story of inner city kids excelling in the pool emotional and entertaining.

Field of Dreams (1989) - This Kevin Costner magical realism baseball classic is often goofy and imminently tease-worthy and yet…It also works. Maybe it's no surprise that someone who loves cheesy Christmas movies as much as I do would have a soft spot for Field of Dreams.

42 (2013) - Chadwick Boseman is absolutely fantastic as legend Jackie Robinson. One of those movies that's ostensibly about baseball, but is really about so much more, except not in a pretentious way.

Race (2016) - Before Jason Sudeikis was Ted Lasso, he was famed track coach Larry Synder in this Jesse Owens biopic that is far from perfect, but still important. Plus, I honestly don't think Stephan James got enough credit for his relatively nuanced portrayal of Owens.

Goon (2011) - This overlooked gem starring Sean William Scott as a semi-pro hockey player whose main skill is his ability to take, and dole out, a beating, is surprisingly great.

Real Steel (2011) - This is a robot-boxing movie starring Hugh Jackman that is basically Rocky meets Over the Top—and yet it's actually really good. Yeah, I was surprised, too.

Forget Paris (1995) - OK, so maybe Billy Crystal playing an NBA referee doesn't really make this a sports movie, but it does begin and end (spoiler alert) at real NBA games, and I will die on the hill that this rom-com co-starring Debra Winger is wildly under-rated.

Bend it like Beckham (2002) - This girl-power sports movie has some highly questionable romantic dynamics (the coach is their love interest???) but this Parminder Nagra-Keira Knightley movie is also a heckuva sports movie and an inspiring immigrant story.

Bonus Pick: The Apple TV+ series Ted Lasso is one of the best things I watched in 2020, and I'm sure of that, because I watched it twice since, just to be sure. Jason Sudekis is absolutely perfect as an American college football coach taking over a UK Premier League team. This sweet show with a heart of gold is smart, funny, and absolutely impossible not to love—even for a cynic such as myself.

More Sports Movies Worth Watching

For someone not very into sports, I am, apparently, into watching movies about sports, so while not a comprehensive listing of the entire, vast genre, here are a few more suggestions I personally think are worth watching.

The Miracle Season (2018) - This movie about high school volleyball champs whose star player dies suddenly stars Helen Hunt and is a lot better than you'd think based on its tiny budget and, honestly, fairly small story. Just missed making my Top 25.

The Way Back (2020) - This Ben Affleck as a drunken high school basketball coach movie is a lot better than expected. Released just as the pandemic kicked into high gear, it was overlooked last year, but worth seeking out.

Fighting with My Family (2019) - Does it count if it's a show, not a sport? Either way (but that's why this isn't in my Top 25), this stealth Christmas movie/love letter to the WWE is a lot better than it ever needed to be thanks to some really great performances from Florence Pugh, Lena Headey and directer Stephen Merchant. Even The Rock reins it in.

Warrior (2011) - You couldn't pay me to watch an actual UFC bout, but this Tom Hardy story of (literally) battling brothers is incredibly compelling and well done.

Win Win (2011) - This movie isn't really enough about wrestling, even though its ostensibly centered around the sport, to make it into my Top 25, but it's still really good, and Amy Ryan gives an outstanding performance.

Fever Pitch (2005) - Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon star in this remake of a UK film whose ending they had to shift when the Red Sox unexpectedly won the World Series.

Fever Pitch (1997) - This Colin Firth-starring, Arsenal-centered original is much smaller, more realistic and arguably better than the big budget Barrymore-Fallon redux.

We are Marshall (2006) - A real-life sports tragedy made into a sports-movie tearjerker starring Matthew McConaughy. And my tears were very much jerked by the end.

Coach Carter (2005) - Samuel L Jackson plays real-life basketball coach Ken Carter and, because it's a Disney movie, doesn't use the F-word even once. Now that's a feat worthy of its own sports movie.

Invincible (2006) - Yes, it's Mark Wahlberg, and another based-on-a-true-story, Disney sports movie that hits all the cliches, but dang it, that works on me. It just does.

Glory Road (2006) - If you're sensing a theme with me and Disney sports movies…Well, you're not wrong. This look at the first all-Black starting lineup at the 1966 NCAA Final Four does, unfortunately, center white coach Don Haskins, played by Josh Lucas (though I always mis-remember it as Josh Charles), making the important story it tells less than what it should be, but it still mostly works.

Million Dollar Arm (2014) - Admittedly one of the lesser Disney sports movie entries, and another that centers a white guy in a film mostly about people of color (not a great look), this Jon Hamm movie about a scout seeking an Indian cricket star who can make it in the Major Leagues still mostly worked for me.

The Mighty Ducks (1992) - One of the few movies on this list aimed directly at kids, this beloved peewee hockey saga actually is cute, and mostly does hold up.

Cool Runnings (1993) - Kind of shocked this movie that is part White Savior-movie and part-wacky kids movie essentially making fun of a real group of athletes of color came out in 1993 and not 1973, but the earnest charm of John Candy and a general Disney gloss keep this from being totally unwatchable and mostly just mildly, rather than extremely, offensive. Not really recommending, but feels like it belongs on an Olympic movie list.

Nadia (1984) - This made-for-TV, mostly true biopic, starring Talia Balsam as Nadia Comaneci, was a Disney Channel staple in that network’s early days. 

Munich (2005) - It's a movie with the Olympics very much at its heart—namely the 1972 Israeli athlete hostage tragedy—that isn't really about the Olympics at all, but this Steven Spielberg-directed movie about national revenge is compelling, if problematic if you think about it for too long.

American Anthem (1986) - Is this Mitch Gaylord-Mrs. Wayne Gretzky (a.k.a Janet Jones) starring movie good, realistic and/or well-written? No, no and none of the above. But did I still watch it 8,000 times as a kid on HBO? Yes. Yes, I did.

Men with Brooms (2002) - Once, on a business trip to Canada, my husband was stuck in a hotel that only got three channels, and one of them always seemed to be showing curling, which actually got him weirdly into this obscure sport. This movie wasn't quite as fun as I hoped, but it's still a mostly charming, if slight, Canadian classic.

Unbroken (2014) - The harrowing and incredible real-life story of Louis Zamperini deserved better than this Angelina Jolie-directed movie delivered, but it's still a serviceable version of a worthy tale.

Chariots of Fire (1981) - I remember being bored out of my mind by this movie trying to watch this movie on cable as a kid, but no denying that, if nothing else, the score is iconic and indelibly linked to sports-movie magic.

Without Limits (1998) - Jared Leto’s Prefontaine beat this one to the theaters, but this Billy Crudup-starring film is the better of the two movies about the life of running pioneer Steve Prefontaine. There’s also a 1995 documentary, Fire on the Track: The Steve Prefontaine Story.

Personal Best (1982) - Mariel Hemingway’s story of ambition at odds with love, is a sports and LGTBQ+ classic. 

Olympic Dreams (2019) - The story of how this small, meandering movie was made during the 2018 Winter Games is, unfortunately, more interesting than the movie itself, but there is some charm in watching Nick Kroll as an Olympic dentist making his way through the real Village, while interacting with real athletes.

Foxcatcher (2015) - This excellently-acted story is more true crime than sports inspiration, but if you're seeking a look at the dark side of the Games—and don’t want to turn on a doc like Athlete A—this is very dark tale indeed.

Seabiscuit (2003) - Every great athlete deserves to have their story told.

Any Given Sunday (1999) - Oliver Stone and Al Pacino take on pro Football. 'Nuff said.

The Replacements (2000) - I mean, the movie isn't amazing, but Keanu Reeves is super charming and Gene Hackman is always worth a watch.

The Program (1993) - Another bit of a dark-side-of-football take, worth it if only for the fantastic cast: James Caan, Halle Berry, Omar Eps, Joey Lauren Adams.

Everbody’s All-American (1988) - Not a movie I particularly love, but this Dennis Quaid-Jessica Lange football story that spans decades has always stuck in my memory.

Bull Durham (1988) - Just let Kevin Costner play actual baseball already.

[therappundit]

Top 10 Rappers of 2020

The finish line of this long, surreal year is finally upon us...which means that it’s time for me to throw down the gauntlet in the ‘Best of 2020’ frivolous list race!  🙌

*Just to be clear*: this is a list of MCs who I believe turned in the best overall performances in 2020. ***This is NOT a list of the my top 10 favorite MCs***, or even who I believe to be the best MCs in the world at the moment...these are simply dope artists that put forth the strongest, most consistently interesting and important (to the genre) high-quality work in the perilous year that was 2020. 

If you think your favorite MC was slighted....well, Michael Jordan is the greatest to ever play the game of basketball but even he didn’t win MVP every year, right? I encourage you to write your own list - it’s a cool way to dap artists that are too often overlooked by industry websites, and share the music you enjoy with others that may not have given the record a spin otherwise.

Even if 2020 didn’t bring you the “instant classic” you had been hoping for, I think it’s hard to deny that this year really had impressive depth when it came to showcasing some of the most diverse music that the genre has to offer.  I can’t speak for music in general - sadly I’m just The Rap Pundit, not The Music Pundit - but I can say that it has been an impossible task to keep a playlist less than 500 songs deep at a time, because for every truly great release in 2020 there seemed to be 30 very good releases. 👌

So how did I come about these 10 MCs (and Honorable Mentions)? Before you get huffy about who I snubbed (and that is pointed directly at my jury of older head peers that consider themselves tastemakers, but also haven’t opened their minds up to any new takes on rap styles since the year 2000)...here are the five chief pieces of criteria that I put into finalizing my list:

- quality (whatever lane you’re in, how often did you ‘own it’?)

- quantity (at least 10 very good-to-great songs released, and 3-4 verses that stand out as a ‘must-hear’ for any rap music fan)

- consistency (not just 4-5 great features and a few forgettable solo tracks, will I want to keep at least 7 or 8 of your own new songs released in 2020 in my rotation for 2021?)

- impact (are you so vital to the type of rap music you make that if you stopped rapping tomorrow, there’s no one else in the game that could fill that void?)

- “it” factor (are you carried by a co-sign or an elite production team, or did you bring a style/talent to the table that could carry a record in and of itself?)

Got it? Then here we go...

1. Conway the Machine

I hope 2020 was the type of year that Conway the Machine had been hoping for since he first began his journey with rap music. After years of scraping and hustling towards music industry recognition (and not just cult figure status), at year’s end we see Griselda’s top Lieutenant holding down a rare balancing act: champion of underground hip-hop, and most requested feature by any mainstream rap star looking to add some tough-talking muscle to their album.

While much of Conway’s content has always been driven by surviving an attempt on his life in 2012, much like 50 Cent, Conway’s way with words and perspective manage to elevate the quality of his material to a higher tier than most. And where - at least in his heyday - 50 Cent benefited from an indestructible super-villain persona, Conway’s success can be greatly attributed to a larger-than-life heart.  With every braggadocious act of gunplay, there are moments of gratefulness to still being alive to share success with his brethren, as well as a painful longing to be with close allies that are no longer with him (at least not in the physical form).

Above all else, in 2020 Conway the Machine did what he has always done throughout his career: delivered well written, passionate bars about coming up in an impossibly challenging environment and coping with loss...only now his craftsmanship and understanding of how to channel all of those feelings into a more polished final product have yielded the most well-rounded solo project of his career in From King to a God. Progress is a slow process, but the long and winding road has finally taken Conway a step closer to that G.O.A.T. status he will hopefully continue to reach for...

Best Evidence: FKTG, and a countless number of scene-stealing verses alongside rap acts ranging from deep underground to household names

2. Freddie Gibbs

I don't use the word "sauce" all too often (this may actually be the first time), but if there was any MC guaranteed to bring sauce to any rap record right now, it's Freddie Gibbs. 

Forever existing somewhere between gritty gangsta and syrupy old soul, the flavor that Freddie brings to every verse is malleable enough to work on virtually any type of record, which was certainly proven in 2020. Anyone foresee a Gibbs & Alchemist Grammy nomination heading into 2020? It’s a testament to how high quality work, through consistent reliability and dues paid, can elevate a project from underground niche following to critical acclaim. While his work with Alchemist may not reach the lofty levels of his heralded collaborations with Madlib, Alfredo represents the best that “quarantine music” can offer...two talented friends saying one day, “hey we should finally drop a full tape together, why not?” - and then BOOM, it happens.

Too many fail to remember that Gibbs already has a long accomplished body of work behind him...so the fact that he may just be entering his prime now, is scary.

Best Evidence: Alfredo, Machinedrum’s “Kane Train”

3. Boldy James

Comeback MC of the year, and no it is not close (but big shout-out to Grafh, another dope MC who had an amazing year).

I'm old enough to remember when folks like Roc Marciano and Ka were seen as sleepy, monotone rappers with little hope of reaching permanent rap icon status (flash-forward to today, and they are widely consider geniuses). For some, the quieter, less hook-dependent approach to making rap songs, was....well, not great rap music. They were wrong then and they’re wrong now, but similar to how the coolest, smartest cat in the room is rarely the loudest, it can take some time and patience before everyone learns what’s what. Time is what is required to appreciate Detroit’s Boldy James, a veteran that has been through it - both in terms of the ups and downs of the music business, as well as the streets through which he draws his stories and inspiration.

Boldy makes it seem all too easy, rapping his verses with the cool, casual tone of telling old stories to a close friend over drinks. Dropping multiple projects (with one still to come) in one year can often lead to over-saturation. Even the most dedicated fans/stans can begin to feel less enthusiastic about new releases when they have already received a healthy portion of more of the same...but most rap fans are not necessarily Boldy James fans. Boldy fans (much like Roc Marciano and Ka fans) are already aware that knowing what type of material to expect from your favorite MC can be a blessing if that MC takes pride in the execution of the final product, rather than the noise leading up to it. 

The beauty of his collaboration with The Alchemist (big year for that guy, huh?), The Price of Tea in China, is that it celebrates the more subtle nuances of boom-bap, proving that great MC and producer chemistry can trump the “shock & awe” of more uptempo rap music. The shock in Boldy James’ lyrics sits within the detailed descriptions of the cold world he grew up in...so monotone or not, how can any music could be more gripping than that?

Best Evidence: TPOTIC, Manger On McNichols, a long list of consistently perfect feature verses

4. 42 Dugg

I would say this is more of a longterm investment rather than the celebration of a rapper already within rap’s inner circle, but 42 Dugg didn’t just steal the show on every feature this year, he also displayed maturity in his ability to craft well-rounded, high quality rap singles. I’m talking joints that work just as well on the street tape level as they would at the radio level. That is especially rare to see from a rapper that is still relatively new to national conversations. 

So much more than just a co-sign of Lil Baby and Yo Gotti, the Detroit eastsider has already proven that he can craft a full solo album with the swagger of a far more seasoned MC. 42 Dugg combines a Boosie-esque, "oh you think you’re better than me??” chip on his shoulder with the unpredictable bombast of Lil Wayne. What he may lack in punchlines he makes up for in musicianship, his voice bringing one of the most nimble touches to trap music that I have heard in a long time. 42 Dugg music is hard and soulful, with the natural hunger of a rapper that knows me might be one smash away from superstardom. By this time next year, I’m betting he will be. 

Best Evidence: Young & Turnt 2 (Deluxe), features on high profile records like Lil Baby’s “Grace” and “We Paid”, and a growing stream of attention grabbing solo loosies

5. Rome Streetz

In 2020 it was almost impossible to be an underground MC with a great project unless you landed a Rome Streetz verse. 

Rome has been bubbling for a while now, but in 2020 he unleashed an onslaught on the game. At times he seemed like the hardest working MC in underground circles, busting his ass to not only make as many appearances as possible, but also to own any song he guested on. He raps like every verse might be “the one” that gets him a huge contract, and that’s a level of hunger and consistency that will likely land him more than one huge contract someday. In spite of that laundry list of strong features, the young Brooklyn MC still managed to release multiple dope solo projects, all flashing a rap style that feels at once a throwback and the fresh voice NYC rap needs. 

Rome is clearly from the same school as many of the New York City greats, because he has the capacity to deliver dark, potent bars with the sharp intellect of a Harvard lecture (think AZ before “Sugar Hill”). While he sounds most at home when he’s rhyming over instrumentals that run more coldblooded than a horror flick, it’s easy to picture him popping up in more places in 2021...if that’s even possible.

Best Evidence: Noise Kandy 4, Kontraband, The Residue, and at least 50 incredible features with a who’s-who of the underground’s finest

6. Stove God Cook$

No one saw this coming....well, maybe Roc Marciano, Lord Jamar, Busta Rhymes and a few more NYC heads in the know - but I guarantee you, no one else saw the Stove God coming!

Bar for bar, no MC owned more rewind-worthy rap quotables in 2020 than Stove God Cook$. Dropping a solo debut with VERY little fanfare and zero features (apart from the steady, reliable guidance of Roc Marciano - low key one of hip-hop’s most reliable producers), a slow bubbling word of mouth campaign on social media eventually got Stove God verses exposed to more and more high profile ears. Such a grass roots campaign is rarely seen...I mean, a rap album slowly becoming a critical darling simply off the strength of more and more random folks discovering the music and Tweeting about it, as opposed to the buzz being calculated before the product??? It feels almost too good to be true these days, as early reviews of Reasonable Drought typically lead with something along the lines of, “hey, have you heard of this album? I have no idea who this is, but it is 🔥🔥🔥”

It has often been said that Roc Marciano has a lot of “sons” in the game, implying that Roc Marci gave birth to a style that a whole generation of underground MCs run with today. So it’s ironic (or perhaps highly appropriate?) that the next level of progression for Roc might be to have a protege, a young Jedi to carry on the tradition on Roc’s own terms, and become the next new star to be embraced by the old heads. But Stove God isn’t a clone of Roc, or anyone else, he’s simply one of the most exciting artists to hit the NYC underground in a generation. Everything from his word choice, to his fresh references and sense of humor, to his delivery and the way he structures his verses, feels like a collection of “firsts”, there’s simply no one sounding like him. And if his work in 2020 is any indication, he will continue to be in a league of his own for years to come.

Best Evidence: Reasonable Drought, spotlight snatching features alongside Roc Marciano and Griselda’s finest

7. Lil Baby

Once viewed by some as just another “Lil”, Lil Baby had been rollin’ coming into 2020, but by the end of 2020 it’s clear that he has arrived at the forefront of rap music’s most reliable hitmakers right now. 

A must-have feature on any rap album reaching for max exposure, Lil Baby’s dexterous flow, charisma, and pen that is significantly sharper than early reports indicated, made him one of the few shining stars in 2020 to consistently deliver good rap music to what in any other year would have been considered smash hits in any club.

What makes Lil Baby’s music standout is that he could easily be a “cookie cutter” MC, phoning in verse after verse just to get another check, but instead he continues to bring it - trying to squeeze in an extra catchy lyric, maybe flow in a way that breaks up a verse to make it stand out from the pack a little more - and even when he is featured over cookie cutter beats that sound like every other trap inspired beats that came before it, Baby seems eager to prove something. I think that’s what I like about him - he’s on a short list of mainstream-bred Young Thug disciples that seem to really want to put the work in to becoming one of the greats. 

Best Evidence: I mean...did any rap star have more songs in circulation this year? Dude was everywhere, but “The Bigger Picture” got his name officially into the lyricist conversation (even though personally I don’t even think it’s one of his more impressive records - at least not stylistically)

8. Westside Gunn

No one denies that the Griselda Records team had a banner year, yet somehow the vocal leader of the group managed to drop a handful of dope projects without receiving credit for being a great MC in his own right. Great artist, great album curator, great business man - sure, but great MC?? That credit is rarely given to the FLYGOD. He might not even understand how natural he is as a solo MC, waxing unpredictable flows and half-bars that stick in your mind in place of catchy hooks or predictable song structure. He might call himself an artist first, but I still call him one of the most prolific rappers today (regardless of whether he retires after the ball drops).

I can’t believe I have to tell rap fans this in the year 2020...but......you all know that message and punchlines are just part of the art of rapping, right...and not the only thing that defines who is a dope MC and who isn’t?? Play any solo cut from Westside Gunn and filter out the “doot-doot-doots” and stream of conscious hooks and what you are left with is one of the most distinctive voices in rap music, attempting off-kilter flows and phrases over some of the most impressive production in rap music today, and to me that sounds like my kind of rap music. What the Buffalo floor general lacks in diversity of subject matter he makes up for with a relentless imagination.

That’s why it’s not all that surprising to me that Westside Gunn enjoyed more mainstream attention in 2020 than he ever has before. All he needed was a window of exposure and he certainly capitalized on it, pitching his sound and his vision in all the right places, without compromising his style or vacating his lane. So strictly as a MC, I would consider him the Young Thug of the east coast underground scene, and if 2020 does turn out to be his final year of recording solo projects, I am thankful that he already has a long list of quality projects with high replay value to revisit again and again. But don’t wait - give this man his flowers now.

Best Evidence: “Euro Step”, “Rebirth”, “327″, “Shawn vs. Flair”, “Michael Irvin”, and YES he even had a more than worthy verse on “$500 Ounces” alongside Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano

9. Benny the Butcher

Who else is more reliable to deliver a dope feature verse than Benny?

By now you must be muttering at least a few things about me, so let me just make two points: YES, I am a big fan of Griselda records, but NO I do not consider that an unreasonable bias because even on paper according to a large variety of sources, it’s clear that Conway, Boldy James, Westside Gunn and Benny are true specialists when it comes to the quality of the work they distribute. Its not a fluke or a trend, they’re just that good at what they do...I have been saying this for almost 5 years now, but in 2020 the rest of you sleepy heads finally just stopped hitting snooze.

Benny the Butcher already possesses the writing capacity, attention to detail, and skills of observation/personal reflection to put himself within special company as one of the nicest pens in the business today. But in 2020, he dialed things up even higher...or perhaps word of mouth just finally caught up with the rest of his peers? The tribute to the classic Roc-A-Fella era that was his Burden of Proof project with Hit-Boy helped expose Benny to a much larger audience, and it has been beautiful to see so many more folks quoting and sharing his lyrics on Twitter, because I recall when he had about the same amount of Followers that I do, because it wasn’t all that long ago (I just hope they go back to experience all of his prior work - I’m still partial to his incredible verses on “Shower Shoe Lords” and “Pissy Work”)! 

In my not so humble opinion, I do think some of the more dramatic pomp and circumstance on the BOP album was more suited to a Rick Ross or Meek Mill than Benny, so I’m actually more excited to hear what Benny has in store for 2021. He truly sounds at his best over more minimalistic production that lets his lyrics fill the spotlight...but still, tracks like “Timeless” and “Legend” do remind me of some of my favorite moments from old JAY-Z albums...blasphemous, maybe, but true.

A shot to the leg last month seems to have done nothing to slow his momentum, so if you didn’t board the bandwagon by now, you are inexcusably late.

Best Evidence: Burden of Proof, mercilessly slaughtering every verse on every Griselda projects, and a ton of show-stealing features

10. Drakeo the Ruler

What a journey it's been for the L.A. rising star. 

Flexing a penchant for placing local slang into his music and delivering dark verses with a clear sense of humor, it's easy to see the appeal of Drakeo's style. If Thank You For Using GTL was an inspiring attempt to do anything possible to keep his buzz going (in that case, recording his verses over a prison phone), the quick release of We Know The Truth shortly after he regained his freedom seems to have given him a 50 Cent-esque teflon aura at the moment. 

But this is about more than just Drakeo himself, it’s about what he represented before incarceration, and what he represents now. As one of the more visible forces in a new generation of west coast hip-hop, Drakeo was a few key features away from exploding onto the national scene. Now after surviving his ordeal, likely with a great deal more to write about, his ceiling has only been raised - and along with his growth potential, so rises the potential for the current rap scene out in L.A. right now. Mark my words: by this time next year Drakeo’s flow will be one of the most flagrantly jacked flows in rap music coast to coast.

A sincere welcome home from the rap world, Drakeo the Ruler. Hopefully the worst is now behind you. 🙏

Best Evidence: We Know The Truth, Free Drakeo, Thank You For Using GTL

*Honorable Mentions*:

Che Noir, Ka, Ransom, Billy Woods, Royce Da 5′9″, Jay Electronica, Fly Anakin, Curren$y, Lil Uzi Vert, Roc Marciano, Skyzoo, Black Thought, Tee Grizzley, Your Old Droog, Flee Lord, Lil Wayne

[goneseriesanalysis]

Caine Soren

Hiya guys, so here are my thoughts and opinions on Caine from my re-read of the first book. I was planning on writing this quicker but my ADHD told me no. I’m prolly gonna write up a bunch now though because I’m ✨in the zone✨ Also, apologies but this is another long one because I am physically incapable of being concise 

Spoilers for Gone down below

Original Opinion: Most of my criticism on him as a character came as a result of later development so I’m not quite sure whether that will change as of yet. But as far as his role as a villain, I really enjoyed his character and what he brought to the story.

New Opinion: I still maintain that Caine is a good main villain for this book. I found him to be waaaaay different and way less competent than I remember, but boy is he interesting. I have so many thoughts on Caine and it was a real struggle getting them all down.

1.) CAINE’S APPEARANCE:

Ok so we are first introduced to Caine in chapter 14 through Sam’s POV. We see him standing apart from the other Coates kids “wearing a bright yellow V-necked sweater instead of a blazer.” This is obviously done to set him apart from the other Coates kids, and (forgive me for going all English teacher on you) the colour yellow has connotations of corruption and deceit, which fit in pretty nicely with Caine as a character. Sam then goes on to give us a more detailed description:

“He was handsome, even Sam noticed that. He had dark hair and dark eyes, not much different from Sam himself. But this boy’s face seemed to glow with an inner light. He radiated confidence, but without arrogance or condescension. In fact, he managed to seem genuinely humble even while standing alone, looking out over everyone else.”

This is one of my least favourite descriptions in the whole book because it simultaneously manages to tell us almost nothing about Caine’s appearance whilst making me cringe so hard that my muscles start to atrophy. Seen as we get very little description of Sam, telling us that Caine looks like Sam is pretty much useless – although it nicely sets up the brother twist – and dark hair and dark eyes could mean anything. Are his eyes blue, brown, black?? Is his hair black or brown?? Who knows?? Not me. And don’t even get me started on his face glowing with an inner light. Because no. I hate this line so much it actually hurts. I thought at first it may be in reference to his connection with the gaiaphage. But that makes no sense. It reminds me of the scene in The Great Gatsby where Nick describes Gatsby’s smile for about half a page and he just sounds ridiculous. I will admit the last two sentences give a good example of Caine’s ability to charm and manipulate those around him but the rest is just aaa

We also learn that he is handsome, which is then followed by what I consider to be a writer’s greatest sin. “He was handsome, even Sam noticed that” – Every. Single. Time a male character describes another male character who just so happens to be attractive in any given book from any author, we get this line. It is the writer’s equivalent of saying no homo and I’m going to make it my personal mission to call them all out on it.

Ok moving on – sorry about that. Rant over.

Sam then says that “His voice was clear and just a little higher, maybe, than Sam’s, but strong and determined. He had a way of looking at the crowed before him that made it seem he was meeting every person’s eye, seeing every person as an individual.” This is good at further establishing Caine as a leader, and shows his relationship with crowds, it gives the reader some indication of his ability to control. He is able to easily win over those of Perdido Beach with his charm.

Caine gets referred to as being attractive by a few other characters throughout the book, but the last main description we get of him is from Drake’s POV in chapter 20:

“Caine sat in his over-large leather chair, the one that had previously belonged to the mayor of Perdido Beach. It made him look small. It made him look very young. And to make matters worse, he was chewing on his thumbnail, which made it almost look like he was sucking his thumb.”

This description is kind of reminiscent of the scene with Sam and the shirt that I talked about in my Sam Temple post. He has taken over the mayor’s chair but he is not fit to take on the position of mayor. Whereas Sam’s weakness in leadership stems from his insecurities and doubts, it is Caine’s narcissism and over-confidence that make him unfit to lead. Michael gives Caine the compulsion of biting his thumbnail when he is nervous. This is a habit that people often pick up to deal with challenging emotions is a less destructive way (as opposed to having a meltdown or getting angry) and works nicely for Caine’s character. It shows that while he does have his moments where he loses control, he is capable of controlling himself to a certain degree, making it seem more likely that someone like Diana might align herself with him. This also helps to further the idea that despite his narcissism and delusions of grandeur, he is still just a kid. And of course sets up the idea that Drake is somewhat resentful towards Caine.

2.) CAINE’S PERSONALITY:

Caine’s personality is a difficult one to analyse as there are two main aspects to it – the personality he projects in order to manipulate people and his actual personality – and sometimes the line between these blurs to the point where it becomes unclear which one we are seeing. One thing that I did notice is that in this book we don’t actually get a Caine POV until the Thanksgiving battle, so we mostly see him through the eyes of Sam, Jack, Drake and Diana, who all have very different relationships with him.

As I mentioned before, we first see Caine through Sam’s POV, where we are introduced to what I’m gonna call his fake personality. Michael uses phrases such as “Caine appeared interested” alongside Astrid’s commentary, which lets the reader know that Caine is not what he appears to be, but of course the general population of Perdido Beach are not aware of this. One criticism I had towards the way that Caine’s character is portrayed is that it is initially hinted that the reason he is able to gain such control over people is because of his proficiency in manipulation and his superficial kindness (such as when he comforts the kid who asks for his mum). And yet he manages to fool almost no-one?? Astrid, Sam, Edilio, Albert, Mary and Howard all immediately see through his façade, which makes it hard to believe that this is how he gained such influence over people. (And of course all the kids at Coates who were cemented saw through it too). In fact I found myself to be kind of confused as to why anyone follows him at all?? Is it just a fear of his power?? That’s… a little disappointing. He doesn’t become mayor because he charms the population. He becomes mayor because no-one else wants to do it, and no-one can be bothered to oppose him. And even when people start to become more afraid, they aren’t afraid of Caine. It’s Drake. Although, you of course have to take into account the fact that these are just children who want someone they can look towards for help and guidance. Perhaps Caine’s persuasive abilities are less about using his charm to completely win people over and more about him being able to take advantage of situations that are presented to him. He has just enough superficial charm and makes just enough beneficial changes (such as laying down rules and protecting the food) that people are willing to overlook some of the more sinister things that he does.

That being said, I think my main issue with so many characters being able to see through Caine so quickly, is what it says about or “hero.” Sam doing nothing to stop Caine, despite him clearly knowing that Caine is bad news makes him seem a little selfish?? His insecurities stop him from doing what is right, and while it is good to have a flawed hero, his willingness to allow Caine to terrorise Perdido Beach up until he threatens Sam personally seems less like a small character flaw and more like a pretty big lapse in morality and compassion. Would Sam have ever taken control if Caine hadn’t kidnapped him?? If Sam had been fooled by Caine’s manipulation that would imo have made both of their characters better fit their respective roles of protagonist and antagonist.

That being said one of my absolute favourite lines regarding Caine is “Then let’s go in together,’ Caine said. He turned and marched purposefully up the church steps. The rest of the chosen fell in behind him.” in chapter 14. I think this perfectly captures the contrast between what Caine says and what he does, and I really love it.  One of Michael’s strengths is adding little throw away lines that can perfectly sum up a character and their intentions. And this idea of Caine saying something but meaning something else is pretty central to his character – the biggest pay-off we get from this in book 1 is him promising to protect the little’s and then (horrifyingly) feeding them to the coyotes in the final battle. This was a scene that I did not previously remember and man did I feel some emotions when reading it. There wasn’t even a second thought, absolutely no indication of remorse. I know a few times it’s mentioned throughout the books that the difference between Caine and Drake is that Caine only does what is necessary – but the scene with the coyotes really contradicts that idea.

Caine’s ‘real personality’ imo is shown in little moments throughout the books. By Caine’s real personality, I’m referring to the part of him that we don’t really see at all in this book, the part of him that is only really hinted at by Diana, and occasionally Drake. Even when Caine is around Diana and Drake, he still tries to keep up a persona – this time that of a cold and detached boy with little to no emotions. But this isn’t really who he is. I think the ‘real’ Caine is an extremely emotional person (although I would like to clarify that by emotional I mainly mean angry and sometimes scared) and there are a couple of moments where this does shine through. There are a few times where Caine loses his temper with both Drake and Diana, using his powers to injure them and to reiterate the power he has over them. I think this shows how insecure Caine truly is, despite what he would have others believe. He only ever breaks character when his authority is mocked or threatened, even if the threat holds no real intention (such as Diana’s jibe after he kisses her). I do find it interesting that, at the core, Sam and Caine are quite similar. It is how these insecurities manifest and project themselves that really define them as different. Caine’s insecurities also shine through in these quotes from Diana:

“Yes. Sam is a four bar. And Caine would freak.” – Chapter 29

“Caine, despite his over-sized ego, his looks, his charm, was terribly awkward with girls.” – Chapter 39

Caine needs to be in control. He needs to be the most powerful person in the room at all times, and the only two people who can really be considered a threat to him in this way are Diana and Sam. Sam is his main threat and Diana, of course, holds a certain amount of power over him due to his feelings towards her. However, any time that Diana seems to be gaining or trying to gain more power (most notably when she makes fun of him for kissing her and when she tries to make him call off the coyotes) he reacts with violence. But I’ll go into that more when I make a post about their relationship.

Another thing that I noticed about Caine that I hadn’t previously remembered is that, he’s a bit of a coward. We first see this in chapter 34 when Little Pete frees the Coates kids “Caine was quick. He backed away, turned, and ran for the building.” The one thing that really got me about this is that he didn’t wait for Diana. He just turned and saved himself. Which kind of brings into question why Diana stays with him. Does he offer protection?? He certainly didn’t here. He literally abandoned her and ran for the hills. The other time we really see this side of him when he uses Astrid as a human shield in chapter 45. Diana even comments on this, telling him to “be a man for once.” I don’t have much else to say about this, but I think it’s an interesting aspect of his personality that certainly makes it easier to dislike him.

Now the last thing I want to talk about in regards to his personality is chapter 36 (the chapter where Drake gets his arm cut off). Caine gets in three good moments during this scene, the first one being:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is one of my favourite Caine moments in the book, and it’s really one of the only times that we see his manipulation actually work on someone. He knows exactly what to say to Drake in order to shift the blame in the direction he wants. Forget that I left you behind to deal with Sam and the escaped kids yourself. Forget that Diana is sawing your arm off. Just focus on Sam. And I think this line had such an effect on Drake’s psyche (which I will explore more in my Drake post) and really excellently shows off Caine’s ability to take advantage of a pre-existing situation in order to benefit himself.

The next two moments are where I really think the lines between Caine’s persona and the ‘real’ Caine blur to the point where it’s unclear which side of him we are seeing – and I think there is an argument for both although imo I feel like it’s his persona that we are seeing.

“It’s the only way to stop the pain,’ Caine said, almost showing some emotion, some pity. ‘The arm is done for Drake-man.”

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me.           ‘Sorry,’ Caine said. ‘But I still need you, Drake. Even one-handed.”

So, we first get the idea that Caine, at least somewhat, feels sorry for Drake. Drake’s injury is horrific and it’s clear that other characters, such as Jack and Diana, who are usually nothing but hostile to Drake (and rightfully so) feel some sympathy towards the situation. Now it’s also important to note that this scene is from Drake’s POV so we don’t actually know if the sympathy Caine is showing is real, is part of his attempt to manipulate Drake, or isn’t there at all and is just something that Drake wants. (I think the last option is entirely plausible as Drake often seeks praise from Caine, so in a situation like this it makes sense that he would seek some empathy). However, Caine then goes on to refuse Drake’s plea for death… because he needs him. Not because he’s a friend – or even just an ally. Not because he doesn’t want him to die. But because he needs him. That’s cold. And it’s really cold to tell him that – which leads me to believe that the almost sympathy Drake sees earlier on was never there, or at the very least was just a manipulation tactic. Caine cares so little for the people around him and I find it quite funny that it was his treatment of Drake (the person probably most deserving of it) in this scene that really showed me how much of a villain Caine can be.

3.) CAINE’S MOTIVATIONS:

Why does Caine do the things he does?? Why does he need to be in control?? And while we don’t really get much insight into Caine’s head in this book, there are a few good moments which allowed a reader to speculate as to what his motivations are. The first moment that really stood out to me was in chapter 39, where Caine tries to open up to Diana about his parents:

“I always had the feeling, you know? That my family wasn’t my real family. They never said I was adopted, but my mother – well, the woman I thought was my mother, I don’t know what to call her now. Anyway, her, she never talked about having me. You know, you hear moms talking about going into labour and all. She never talked about that.”

From this, we can see that Caine always felt like an outsider within his own family, he always felt like he didn’t belong. And this seems to be a pretty big motivator when it comes to Caine’s need to take over, to have power over everyone else. If he has control, then he will always have a place. He will always belong because the world will be his. Caine never fit in in the real world, his narcissism (and probably psychopathy) distanced him from other people right from the get go. But in this new world, in the FAYZ, Caine has a chance to be important, to be a ruler and he’s willing to do pretty much anything to get that. I think this idea, of his need for power and control stemming from the lack of acceptance and belonging he felt with his family, is emphasised in chapter 46, during the poof:

“Caine seemed spellbound, unable to tear his gaze away from the gentle, smiling face, the piercing blue eyes.                                                                        ‘Why?’ Caine asked in a small child’s voice.                                                             […]                                                                                                                          ‘Why him and not me?’ Caine asked.”

This is the only time I felt the slightest bit of sympathy for Caine during my re-read of this book. He is 14. A kid. He spent his whole life feeling like and outsider and now he knows that a woman he knew, a woman that he saw almost every night is his actual mother. That she also knew this and yet never tried to talk to him, to explain, to do anything. And now he’s looking at ‘her’ and all he wants to know is why. Why did she give him up?? He lacks empathy and many other emotions that allow healthy relationships with others, yet he still wants people to have that connection with him. He needs him and rely on him. So his solution is to gain enough power, enough authority and control so that people have to listen to him and have to rely on him. He doesn’t care how many people he hurts or pisses off, because in the end, if he gets what he wants, that won’t matter. He’ll be too powerful for it to matter because they’ll still need him anyway. And that’s why “All that matters is winning. So save it.” – Chapter 45

4.) CAINE’S INTENTIONS/ HIS ROLE AS A VILLAIN:

Caine’s intentions are pretty obvious from the very first time we meet him in chapter 14. And, of course, it is these intentions that really define his role as a villain. Now, in chapter 14, it never outright says that Caine’s intentions are to take complete control over Perdido Beach. In fact, Caine tries to make it seem like he wants to make a collaborative effort to help them all move forward. But once again, his actions contradict his words, most notably in these lines:

“Orc grunted, shifted the bat from right hand to left, and stuck out his thick paw. Caine grabbed it with both his hands and solemnly looked Orc in the eye as they shook hands.”

“But Caine grabbed his elbow and manoeuvred him into a handshake.” [Referring to Sam]

“Caine had moved confidently towards the altar.”

These lines subtly show that, whilst Caine talks about working together, he is really the one in charge. He is the one dictating what is happening and when it is happening, forcing Sam and Orc to shake his hand. Giving them jobs so that he can keep an eye on them (Orc) or keep them out of the way (Sam). And of course, he won’t stand with them in the church. They don’t sit around a table and talk as equals. Caine has to be up at the front. He also gets extremely angry when other people make demands, or give an idea that he can’t take credit for. The most obvious example of this being in response to Howard telling him that they wouldn’t be working for Drake.  “Sam saw a coldly furious expression appear on Caine’s handsome face, then disappear as swiftly as it had come.” This is then followed up by Caine ripping a 12ft cross off of a wall and launching it at them, so it’s safe to say that he doesn’t appreciate his authority being challenged.

Later in the book we then get more obvious examples of his intentions, as his role as the villain is fully unveiled:

“Caine, to the surprise of no-one who knew him, had taken over the mayor’s office.” – Chapter 15

“Number one says Caine is the mayor of Perdido Beach and the whole area known as the FAYZ.” – Chapter 16

After Caine basically walks into Perdido Beach, tells everyone what to do, and gets away with it, he begins to be more outright with his intentions. He immediately takes over the mayor’s office, and makes his new title of mayor the very first rule to be enforced. He isn’t really all that secretive about his intentions, at least not after the initial meeting. I think this is a measure of his confidence – he doesn’t feel at all threatened by the people of Perdido Beach. I think one of the reasons that Caine is such a good villain, is that when he is in control, he isn’t that bad?? I mean sure, having Drake as sheriff is less than ideal, but Caine himself is not a bad leader. He comes up with rules that both make sense and do actively increase the quality of life of those in Perdido Beach (minus the no magic tricks rule). It’s only what Caine is willing to do in order to get that power that actually makes him the villain. Once he has it, he’s not really a threat?? And then of course, we get Caine’s fantastic little speech in chapter 42 that really just sums up all these ideas in much less words:

“What was I supposed to do? Coates? That’s it? How do you not see what an opportunity this is? We’re in a whole new world. I’m the most powerful person in that whole new world. No adults. No parents or teachers or cops. It’s perfect. Perfect for me. All I have to do is take care of Sam and a few others, and I’ll have complete control.”

Because if it wasn’t for his ego, if he hadn’t attacked Sam, if he hadn’t used Drake to cause fear and enmity, he would have had it. He would have gotten his complete control, because no-one else really wanted to be in charge. The fool is his own worst enemy.

5.) CAINE’S POWERS:

So, the last thing I wanted to discuss about Caine, is his powers. To me, it seemed whilst reading that his powers are almost an extension of his personality. Caine is naturally a very domineering person, and so it makes sense that his power is the ability to control things with his mind. The first time we see Caine’s powers (also the first time we see anyone purposefully use their powers) is in the church:

“Caine sighed, raised his hands, and used both palms to smooth back his hair.                                                   There came a rumble, up through the floor and pews. A small earthquake…                                        […]                                                                                                                                                                   But then came a rending sound, steel and wood twisting, and the crucifix separated from the wall. It ripped free of the bolts holding it in place, like an invisible giant had yanked it away.                              […]                                                                                                                                                             The crucifix toppled forwards. It fell like a chain sawed tree.                                                                                                             As it fell, Caine dropped his hands to his sides. His face was grim, hard, and angry.                                                                                                 The crucifix, at least a dozen feet tall, slammed with shocking force down onto the front-row pew. The impact was as loud and sudden as a car wreck.” – Chapter 14

I like how, similarly to the way he talks, the first time we see a display of his power, he is hiding it – his body language is suggesting one action whilst he is actually doing something else entirely. This again makes me feel like the powers are an extension of personalities (and I will give other examples of this is later posts).  I also noticed that the use of his powers is almost always as a response to his anger, something that Sam also learns to do thanks to Astrid’s guidance. These two scenes are great examples of this:

“Caine’s smile was cold. He raised his hand, palm out. An invisible fist hit Sam in the face. He staggered back. He barely stopped himself from falling, but his head was reeling. Blood leaked from his nose.” – Chapter 21

“Caine reached back over his shoulder with one hand, not even looking back. He spread his fingers, bared his palms. The fallen portion of the wall came apart, brick by brick. One by one, as though each brick had sprouted wings, they lifted off and flew. The bricks hurtled past Caine’s head and through the open door as fast as machine-gun bullets.” – Chapter 31

Unlike Sam, who often uses his powers as a defence strategy, Caine always uses them as a method of attack. He attacks Orc’s gang, Drake, Sam and Andrew – not as a last resort, but as a warning. He likes to make a big display of his power in order to deter people from actually engaging in a fight. Although when it does come down to an actual fight, he tends to be a little less confrontational and a little bit more of a coward. I mean come one. Hiding behind Astrid was low. At least this is the case in book 1.

Next, is the development of his powers. Unlike Sam, we know that Caine did not discover his powers alone:

“Several of us developed strange powers, starting a few months ago,’ Caine said conversationally. ‘We were like a secret club. Frederico, Andrew, Dekka, Brianna, some others. We worked together to develop them. Encouraged each other. See, that’s the difference between Coates people and you townies. In boarding school it’s hard to keep secrets. But soon it became clear that my powers were of a whole different order. What I just did to you? No one else could do that.”

The Coates kids formed a sort of support group for each other, which is why they have such a good understanding of their powers, as opposed to Lana and the Perdido Beach kids, who either hid their powers or else didn’t discover them until the FAYZ began. One thing that I do find interesting about this, is that the Coates kids all seemed to develop their powers pretty late. Caine says that the powers started a few months ago, and yet Sam first used his 14 months before the FAYZ began. I think that goes to show how the Coates environment really gave Caine the ability to experiment with and foster his powers, which is why he has such control. He achieved in a few months what is took Sam over a year to do. (One thing that I think would have been nice to have is perhaps in a later book some flashbacks on the Coates kids working together to do this. But oh well)

Thank you so much again for reading, and please feel free to add your thoughts. Next up is Diana and I have a lot to say about her. :)

[whiskehorange]

Under the Mistletoe

It’s that time of year, so here is the Christmas Special you all deserve for my absence since a month ago & for the few days past Xmas that I didn’t have a charger! I hope you all have a Merry Christmas (or whatever tickles your fancy!) and a Happy New Year!

Jason

The Tree: 

You’ve got the widest array of large evergreen trees right in your front yard, so when you hear a large thump at your front door, that’s just Jason and the biggest tree you’ve ever seen. If you focus one the bottom half of the tree, he’ll get the top, and once the two of you are finished, he’ll raise you up so the both of you can put the star where it belongs!

The Baking:

Boy oh boy does this boy love to bake with you. Mainly focused on the decorating, the frosting, the sprinkles, and everything in between, you better hope you have enough baking sheets to fulfill the hundreds of sugar coated Christmas cookies Jason wants to make with you.

The Mistletoe:

A blushing madman whenever you happen to catch him under it. Of course, he’ll never deny a kiss from you, but it just makes him to soft and warm inside. Eventually, he’ll build up the courage to drag you over to the mistletoe and give you a dedicated kiss.

Michael

The Tree:

Like Jason, save the top of the tree for Michael to decorate, if you have one. He probably won’t go out of his way to buy you a tree or even hack you one down, but will make due with whatever his mother left up in the attic. You’ve got plenty of halloween decorations to put on the tree though...

The Baking:

Michael, baking? You’ve got a long day ahead of you. Good luck trying to get him to stay put to help with anything let alone him actually knowing what the fuck he’s doing. If you need any cookies or goodies cut up or diced, he’s your man. But you’ll notice cookies here and there missing from the dish every once in a while.

The Mistletoe:

Avoids it like the plague. Will purposefully walk the long way to avoid walking from under it. You’ll have to put it some where sneaky, like right in the back door and catch him when he walks in. Even then, he’ll give a defeated sigh and eventually give in, picking you up and letting you smother him.

Bubba

The Tree:

Yes! Yes! Yes! Get this boy in the decorating and party planning committee! It’s something nice for the two of you to do and boy does he love decorating. While most of the ornaments mights be bone fragments and other... spare parts, he’s pretty proud of the outcome. But just wait until he gets ahold of the tinsel. It’ll be draped across everything.

The Baking:

Don’t fret about not having any ingredients for yummy treats, everything you could ever imagine is here! And of course, so is Bubba. Decorating and topping off all of the cookies and treats is his favorite part, and he’s going to eventually make his own batch by himself all for you!

The Mistletoe:

It’s hung in  e v e r y  door frame, and he knows when you walk under one, no matter how quiet you’re walking.

Thomas

The Tree:

He’s always wanted a legit Christmas, but with Hoyt being such a grinch, he never has the chance. But Thomas finds everything about the traditions you show him to be so wonderful. The tree decorating is by far his favorite, even if there isn’t much to hang. Why don’t you both make some!

The Baking:

Oh, you’ve got Luda Mae tickled right to death. It’s one thing that she’s happy to have some time with Tommy to bake, but another to have you helping and shutting down Hoyt’s grouchy ass any time he walks into the kitchen. Thomas might walk out with a few flour prints on his behind, but it’s worth it.

The Mistletoe:

Personally puts it in the door to your bedroom. While he thought about the door to the basement, Hoyt tends to stand there a lot.... and no thanks. So at least now it’s a special place for the two of you to have to yourself!

Billy & Stu

The Tree:

Billy and Stu are definitely the type to get lazy and leave their tree up all year round, but when they do get the chance to decorate, each of you have a different job. Stu gets the lights, Billy on tinsel, and you on ornaments. But you know, most of the lights will end up being wrapped around all three of you, Good luck getting out of that.

The Baking:

Anything that happens in the kitchen turns into a food fight, wet or dry. Christmas music blaring and food flying across like a battlefield. Whatever the three of you end up baking never last a few days either way. From you and Billy taking a few at a time to Stu stuffing them in his pockets, good luck saving any for guests.

The Mistletoe:

Billy typically leave it with one hanging from the most walked through doorway, snaking his arms around your hips from time to time, while Stu always seems to have some stashed in his back pocket. Pucker up buttercup!

Norman

The Tree:

While every suit has their own tiny, simple tree, Norman can’t wait to put up the massive one him and his mother had. It takes a while to fully decorate, especially with some older Christmas music on and the occasional slow dance break the two of you have!

The Baking:

Norman is a decent baker, so he lets you take the lead. Watching over you and taking note of how you make things so he can too. Maybe make a few extra for guests at the front desk? They’ll get a few of the test cookies that don’t come out too good.

The Mistletoe:

Half of the time, he doesn’t notice himself picking through the mail, standing right below the damn thing when you pull him down for a kiss. The stupidest grin sliding across his face as he tries to compose himself.

Hannibal

The Tree:

If Hannibal had it his way, he really wouldn’t decorate that much of his house for the holiday, but if you want to, be his guest! Big tree, little tree, flashy lights, no lights, anything at all and he’s bound to have it up and ready for you to decorate the next day!

The Baking:

He’s more of a cook, but isn’t opposed to doing anything in the kitchen with you. Mainly for when he grabs and puts away things for you. It’s not that he doesn’t think that you can’t put them away, but he’ll just do it. Keep it organized. Besides, you made wonderfully flavorful treats for him to snack on when no one is watching!

The Mistletoe:

Hannibal is, however, very strict in his mistletoe rules. Anytime you walk under it, you MUST kiss him and vise versa. Those things are something that he’ll never overlook in a holiday.

Amanda

The Tree:

She wasn’t too into the idea of all of the decorations and lights, finding herself too busy to do anything, but that would change. It’s pretty therapeutic when she finally gives in to your pleading, especially once the two of you are all done and she can step back and look at something beautiful she’s contributed to. 

The Baking:

Also... not really the biggest fan of baking, but doesn’t mind helping you every once in a while when you need it. Put on some music and maybe she’ll consider icing anything. But she’ll have her hands in the cookies jar from time to time.  

The Mistletoe:

Doesn’t really avoid it all the time, but doesn’t really pay too much attention to it. She loves all of the attention you give her, but won’t ever make it out as though she wants it. She’s gotta keep up that tough girl look! Save the kisses for when the two of you are alone!

Bishop

The Tree:

A tree? Well, he’s never really had a personal one for his lab nor has ever really... participated in Christmas, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t open to celebrating it with you! Bishop fancies the tree the most, wiring up a few lights here and there turns into the whole ship being covered in flashy red and green lights. Thanks Bishop.

The Baking:

Uhm.. not really his strong suit. He’s wired to know basic recipes from rations and what the had, but that didn’t mean that he was particularly good at it. He’s up for learning, of course, so he can retain the information, though! Although, he feels bad he has no benefit to eating what you’ve made, but he’ll force the crew mates to eat them.

The Mistletoe:

Just one hung up is good enough, one in the doorway to his lab. A lot of people walk through there, but the only one he’s concerned about it you.

Nick

The Tree:

He’s such a dad. I mean, just look at him and how he acts. Nick’s like a kid when it comes to decorating and will stay up all night covering the entire house in anything Christmasy he can get his hands on. He’s got the matching ugly sweaters for the two of you to wear while he absolutely destroys the tree in tinsel.

The Baking:

He doesn’t care what you have plans for making, he’s going to eat it and cover it in any frosting he can find. Nick isn’t the worst baker, but he has fun while doing it, so thats what counts. Even when he takes some to Ward he’s got a goofy smile on his face while talking to that grinch.

The Mistletoe:

You can see his ears twitch and his face go red whenever he catches himself under the mistletoe, but thats only when you give him that sly smile and place a hefty shmack right on his lips. Hey, maybe he’ll take some and tease Ward with it.

Arthur

The Tree:

Arthur has the best time doing just about anything with you, no matter what it is. While the two of you might not have the room for the biggest tree, Arthur makes up for it in enthusiasm. It’s simple decoration, but that doesn’t mean it’s not enough!

The Baking:

Arthur’s got some room for improvement. The days of TV dinners and messy dishes are over, so lets get to baking! It makes him feel like a kid again, and boy doesn’t it feel a bit nice to not have a care in the world for a while. The two of you are bound to leave the kitchen with frosting and icing on your faces, but what’s the fun in clean cooking?

The Mistletoe:

He’s a bit bashful just about every time he even looks at the mistletoe hanging there, thinking about how much you really love him. Even a part of him wishing that you really did, that hopefully none of this was a dream, but if it was, he never wants to wake up. But for now, just come and kiss him!

Barbara & Adam

The Tree:

Even in the afterlife, they’ve still kept up all of the decorating and celebrating for the holidays. It something the three of you can do, even Lydia as well! The tree is the greatest asset of it all, only the biggest evergreen sat right in the corner of the living room. Don’t even get me started on how many ornaments they have.

The Baking:

Thats something Barbara takes pride in with you, Adam will just sneak in from time to time and snatch a cookie until one of you catches him and shoos him back into the basement. Barbara has just about every cookie cutter you can imagine, so don’t be afraid to have her bust them out of the cabinets for you.

The Mistletoe:

Those two will be under the mistletoe for hours, going back and forth, laughing and smiling at each other like teenagers. You and Lydia can’t help but just watch and laugh at them, rolling your eyes like you would at your parents. Eventually, when they’re done, the three of you can have your time under the Mistletoe 2.0 (that ones for hugging)!

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Welcome to Oblivion-Ch. 31

Chapter 31

           Sonya looked me over as I rolled out of bed. The spring semester had started a week ago, and I was still getting back into the swing of a functional schedule. My roommate grinned and pushed her ever-present box of donuts toward me.

           “Morning, sleepy head,” she said as she pulled on her shoes. “You’ve got twenty minutes before your first class starts.”

           It took a moment for the words to sink in. Then, I sat bolt upright and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Shit,” I groaned, stumbling toward the bathroom. My first class was on the far side of campus. It took fifteen minutes to get there on a good day.

           “Oh,” Sonya added as she shrugged into a warm jacket. “It’s snowing.”

           In the next moment, she had her bag and had already slipped out of the room. I growled and shoved into the bathroom. Thank goodness Dana and Ember weren’t taking up counter space.

           “That’s it,” I said to my reflection. “I have to stop going over to the boys’ place during the week.”

           My thoughts raced as I ran a brush through my hair and brushed my teeth. They were a rush and jumble of the memories and moments that I’d lived during the break. The drive back to see my parents for Christmas. Slipping and sliding in the snow with Dean. Driving up the mountain in the warmth of Roman’s truck. Watching the ball drop on the sofa smushed between the two of them, Seth hovering in the background like a shadow.

           I tugged on some jeans and a warm grey thermal shirt. Thick socks and my best pair of boots. I slipped Roman’s worn Pirate’s hoodie on and snatched up my backpack. I only barely thought to check for my key before I slammed the door shut behind me.

           “There you are,” Drew called from the other end of the hallway. His accent seemed thicker since he’d come back from Scotland. I liked the way it sounded. For some reason, it made me think of home. “Where’ve you been hiding, lass?”

           I smiled, even though my heart was racing with anxiety. “New semester business, McIntyre. And I’m going to be late for class.”

           He fell into step beside me, his loping pace matching mine. “What class?”

           “Philosophy of Religion with Professor Michaels.”

           “Shit. In Hardy Hall?”

           I nodded. “Even if I ran, I’d never make it on time. This is a great way to start the semester.” We were at the steps that lead up the hill toward north campus. I rolled my eyes and grunted. “I’m blaming all of it on Ro and Dean.”

           Drew looked up the steep stairway and grinned. “Of course you wouldn’t make it. Your legs are too short. Come on.”

           He turned and snatched me up onto his back. I tried to protest, but he wouldn’t listen. He just rumbled with laughter and took the steps two at a time. “Drew! Put me down!”

           What felt like half a second later, he deposited me back on my feet at the top of the stairs. “Cut through the basement level of Andre Hall, make a left onto the skybridge into Piper Hall. Down the stairs on the right and you’ll come out right behind Hardy. Walk fast, lass.”

           Drew grinned and gave me a gentle push in the shoulder. I grinned back and took off across the icy sidewalk.

***

           The snow continued into the early afternoon, the flurries turning into fat flakes that drifted down and settled into piles and mounds along the ground. I picked my way along the sidewalk and slipped into the student center, shaking snow out of my hair. The ground floor was packed with people, practically every seat filled with students and staff desperate for some warmth and a refuge from the snow drifting down outside.

           I fell into the line in the coffee shop as I checked my watch. It was just after one in the afternoon, and I was free for a few hours before I had to tramp over to the Cove for practice. My knee ached faintly from the cold and the walking. I wondered what Coach Helmsley would say if I dropped out of practice for today. Football season was over. Competition season didn’t pick up until the end of February.

           Keeping one eye on the line, I dug my phone out of my pocket and opened my email. I tapped out a quick message to Coach Helmsley and sighed in relief that I would be able to go back to my room, take a hot shower, and then crash in my bed with a heat pack on my knee.

           “Hey, Addy,” said a familiar voice. I looked up to see Seth behind the counter. He grinned. “What’ll it be?”

           It took me a moment to realize that this was his job, working in the school coffee shop. Of course, it shouldn’t surprise me the way that he chugged caffeine as if it were oxygen. I looked up at the menu and frowned.

           “You know what, I’ve got just the thing,” he said with a wink. He grabbed a cup and started bustling around behind the hot bar, mixing up a coffee like it was a chemistry experiment. I watched, trying to keep track of everything he used. But it was so involved that it was nearly impossible to keep up.

           A few moments later, he slid the cup across the counter. “Give it a try,” he said, looking sheepish and innocently hopeful. I held the cup with both hands, letting the warmth sink into my skin. I blew across the top of the liquid before taking a small sip. Heat and sugar and caffeine spilled into me in the perfect mix. I grinned. “You like it?”

           I felt my whole body relax. “This is heaven in a cup, Rollins. You’ll have to teach me how to make it.”

           He grinned broader and I could have sworn that he blushed. “Can’t do that, Ads. If you know the secret, you’ll won’t come back again.”

           I leaned against the counter, oblivious to the line piling up behind me. “I doubt it. Seems like there’s more reasons for me to come by more often.” I felt the heat rush into my cheeks as I dug out my ID card. I cleared my throat. “How much?”

           Seth smiled, showing off a slight gap in his front teeth. His brown eyes were bright as he waved his hand dismissively. “It’s on me.”

           I smiled sheepishly and ducked my head. “Thanks, Seth,” I replied, stuffing the card back into my pocket. “Hey, tell Ro and Dean that I’ll be over Friday night. No more weeknights hanging out with you guys. I almost missed my first class this morning. Again.”

           He nodded, glancing sideways to check the line. He sighed and stepped back toward the register. “I’ll let them know. Dean’ll be crushed.”

           I backed away, holding the coffee as if it was a precious. “He’ll get over it. See you this weekend!”

           I climbed the stairs to the second floor. The cafeteria was packed with people and the scent of food drifted out every time someone opened the doors. I peered through the glass walls, trying to find Roman’s dark hair or Dean’s black beanie. When I couldn’t find either one of them, I took another flight of stairs up to the top floor of the student center. A row of tables lined the edge of the balcony—two tops that were cluttered with textbooks, laptops, lunch wrappers. I passed by, all of them taken. There were a few study rooms that overlooked the courtyard, and luckily one of them was open.

           It was one of the ones with one wall made of nothing but windows. I pulled the table as far from the window as I could, and tucked myself into the corner. It only took a moment to spread out my books and my laptop, the coffee Seth made sitting close by. Only a week into the semester, and I was already drowning in homework.

***

           “Hey,” Seth said from the doorway of the study room. “You found my hideaway.”

           I looked around, slightly bewildered. I’d lost track of time reading and working on a paper for English. “Sorry,” I replied, grabbing at my books and papers and starting to shove them into my backpack. “I’ll head out.”

           “Nah,” he said as he tossed his bag on the table and sank down in a chair right across from me. “Not many people use this room, so I come here after work. I can get more things done here than I can at home.”

           I grinned softly, thinking about Roman and Dean. My body filled with warmth at the thought of them. “Yeah, I can see how difficult it would be to focus with Dean around.”

           “Put the two of us together and we go nuts,” Seth added with a chuckle. “I’m surprised Roman’s put up with us as long as he has.”

           “You guys are his brothers,” I replied, pulling a stack of notes from my bag. “So… too bad we don’t have a class together this semester.”

           Seth’s brown eyes went slightly sad. “Yeah, I had to track my major. Business classes suck.”

           I laughed quietly. “Then why are you a business major?”

           “I want to open my own business someday. A coffee shop maybe.”

           “Well,” I picked up the now empty cup from earlier, “if it all tastes like this, you’ll make a killing.”

           “Thanks, Addy,” Seth whispered. “That means a lot.”

           He smiled and dipped his head toward his laptop.

Tag List

@mox-made-me-do-it​ @vebner37​ @lilred​ 91 @not-that-kinda-gurl08​ @maelleoute​ @missjenniferb @librathephoenix13

[wendibird]

SPN 15X18 Observations

Let me preface this by saying, I apologize ahead of time if I and/or my notes seem a bit cynical. I’ve had a rough week. (I think everyone has.) But for whatever it’s worth, here are my notes, observations and meandering thoughts on tonight’s episode.

Oh, one more thing though. For episodes 19 and 20 (and anything really to do with them) in addition to my usual tags for the episodes and season, I’ll be tagging them with #dontspoilthefinalhunt for any who wish to avoid spoilers for them.

Pre-Episode thoughts:

So, I’ve heard enough rumors already to know that mooooost likely Cas is going to die this episode. And let me be clear, he’s my second favorite character in this show after Sam. But I have trouble feeling strong emotions for something when I go in knowing that I should. But I’m going to try to go into this one with an open mind. 

Also, in the past I liked Billy as a character because though she still had some biases, she still seemed mostly neutral, like OG Death had been. And from previews it looks like maybe they’re turning her into an outright villain like they’ve done with God? Yey. 

- Where’s Chuck? Did he just bampf off?

- So he’s gonna blow up in the Empty?

- Yep.

- So now Dean cares about him? (Jack)

- Poor Jack. He doesn’t get what’s going on. 

- Yey! Jack is back! 

- “You’ve snapped me out of worse.” When?

- They’ve prayed to Michael? Yey for not overlooking options! (Not being sarcastic.)

- Charlie!!!! And yey she has a girlfriend! (Are they gonna kill her?) 

- Aaaaaaand there she goes.

Commercial thoughts:

So, I get the whole narrative idea of taking a character that everyone assumed was kinda on your side and revealing that they were always working towards their own interests. I get it. And it can be effective. I still don’t like it with Billy. 

I’m glad Dean said what he did to Sam. Even if Sam says (and probably thinks) that he doesn’t need to hear the apology, sometimes it needs to be said anyway. And I think saying it all helped Dean a bit too. He needed to know that Sam understood. 

I’m glad Jack’s back though!

- Oh Jack. You’re worth more than your death. 

- I’m glad Cas is saying this, but sadly, I think the “we” only applies to him and Sam. 

- So Jack is powerless when he came back? Did the bomb thing burn out it all out?

*is confused*

- Yey! Eileen! (Please don’t have her just vanish….)

- I’ma cry….

- Oh no……

- “If I let myself go there I’ll lose my mind. I can’t go there right now.”  

- Oh Sam. Always trying to push down his feelings because there’s other shit going on. 

- Hug!!!!!!!

- Sam’s gonna drive Eileen’s car. Just shoot me now….

Commercial thoughts:

So yeah… Wonder what Billy’s plan is here with this random picking-off of people but not like, all at once. She COULD do it all at once, she has the personel. (The Empty didn’t kill all her reapers.) 

I think she’s setting her own kind of trap or something. 

Also, I take it Chuck just vanished? They didn’t say anything about it but that seems to be the impression given.

Still pisses me off though that after bringing Eileen back and only half-assing her role they just had her vanish. (At least Rowena’s in charge of hell, so if she wound up down there again, she SHOULD get a better shake than she did the first time.) 

- Donna!!!!

- Eileen’s Car…… *cries* 

- Sam’s got so much emotional stuff going on this episode. He’s got this grief for Eileen in the background and he’s worried about Jack and trying to help him, and trying to save all these people.

- OUch……. Double ouch. (Were in references to the expressions on Sam’s face when Donna first comforted him about Eileen and then Charlie made her comment about not wanting anyone else to go through what she did.) 

- (Yes, I’m worried about Dean and Cas too.) 

- Sam’s still their “Chief”.

- That's weird….. Why does his touch kill plants? (Not people at least.)

- Yeah, she (Billy) was waiting.

- Oh dear…..

- So what IS causing this?

- NO! NOT DONNA!

- WTF?!

Commercial thoughts:

So Chuck is doing this? I mean, it makes sense. He’s gotten petty enough. But now what? 

Also poor Sam. I mean, he tries so hard to save people. And time after time it just doesn’t work out. It could be seen as part of “Chuck’s Plan” because of how he wants his big story to go. So now I guess he’s just being more direct about it. Sam isn’t allowed to do well unless it’s been authorized by the Narrative. (AKA, him.) When he tries, he just gets shown the error of trying. (But he’s beaten down if he doesn’t try too. Like S8.) 

Also still don’t like how Billy’s character has changed.

- She thinks she’s Freddy Kruger?

- Heart attack? His first “death” was supposed to be his heart. (In “Faith”) Wonder if that’s intentional here?

- Oh god… please don’t tell me they’re going to…. 

Commercial thoughts:

Okay. I don’t ship Destiel. At all. I’m not an anti though, cause I’m firmly a ship-and-let-ship kind of person. 

But that scene while very heartfelt just didn’t do anything for me because it felt more than a bit like revisionistic history. However, I will say, congrats to the Destiel fandom. They killed Cas, but that scene was definitely for you all. 

They’re killing off so many people though it’s like… this is one of my problems when I’m going into a situation where I’m “supposed” to feel a certain way. It makes me awkward. (Like the Episode “Lebanon”.) 

- Gah, poor Sam. 

- WTF?! Is Chuck taking everyone in the world? 

- FUCK?! THAT’S WHERE THEY’RE LEAVING IT OFF?!?!?!?

Okay, so my hope is now, since they’ve gone THIS far with what Chuck is doing, that unless the ultimate resolution of the story is going to be “everything goes away forever” they’re going to have to leave some way to bring people back. 

I’ll be honest, I had trouble connecting emotionally with this episode. But that may not be the episode’s fault. I’ve been working some long hours lately and I just today found out that someone I work with has tested positive for Covid. (I just got tested today.) Plus with all the election stuff still going on, there’s a lot of real-world things on my mind. 

Also, as I said, knowing that these are the final episodes, it’s pretty much a given that things are going to ramp up. (And the people involved with the show have been telegraphing the hell out of Cas’ death, so it wasn’t unexpected. And I get it. Some people really do need that time to prepare emotionally and adjust their expectations.) But I still feel like a lot of the things they’re asking/expecting us to care about, they haven’t put the actual effort into the storytelling to make that happen. I love the absolute shit out of Eileen, but for most of this season she’s been written as little more than an accessory to Sam. And just so he can have some “feels” about someone. And then she gets vanished without so much as a last glimpse of her? (And this episode was filmed before everything closed down due to Covid.) 

I mean, his reaction STILL tore me up, because Jared is that damn good at conveying those emotions. But once again, like LAST time they killed her off, it was amongst so much other shit that there’s barely time for him to even feel it. In fact, he even said that he couldn’t because of what else was going on. And by the end of the episode pretty much everyone else in the world is Thanos-snapped too? 

And I get it, this episode is clearly not about her. It’s about the whole situation. It just still feels like a disservice to the character.

And speaking of disservices to characters…

So, about what Cas said in his speech/confession to Dean. The revisionistic retelling of history has been strong this season, but that was especially bad. We know from past episodes that Cas has ALWAYS had “a crack in his chassis” and always had sympathy and love for humanity. We know that he cares about a lot of people, and has put a lot of effort into becoming a better being. (Just a few episodes ago he talked about how he truly found his purpose when he became a father. And he also had talked about finding his true family.) But no. Apparently all of that character development was just because of Dean. What bothers me isn’t that he told Dean “I love you.” What bothers me is that it truly feels like Cas’ entire character was reduced to one half of a ship. 

Okay, and what also bothers me is that Sam was literally an afterthought in all of that. When for most of these years, Sam has been the one who’s been the most supportive and understanding of Cas. Sam is the one who lately has had the closer connection with him. But naw. He ain’t important, except as an extension of Dean. 

And I get they were trying to throw some fanservice to that corner of the fandom, especially since Cas was slated to die 3 episodes before the end. But they could have done it better. I’ve read fanfic that handled Destiel in a more believable way. (I was reading for the Saileen content as they’re often put in as a sister-ship and it can be hard to find fic of them without it.) And technically this wasn’t even requited. Dean looked more shocked than anything, though I admit that's up to interpretation. But someone in one of the discord servers I'm in posted a picture of that part of the script for this episode and it outright said in the directorial notes that Cas said what he did knowing that Dean didn't/couldn't return his affection the same way. So, there is that.

There were other aspects of the episode I also had thoughts on, like, wtf is up with Jack not having his usual powers but wilting plantlife? Some extension of the bomb-thing? Is he radioactive now to anything with “Celestial energy”? But wouldn’t that have made him give Cas problems too? Or is this supposed to be indicating something else? Amara did that too before she started turning lighter, back in Season 11. Is he somehow turning into the Darkness? Or did he come back from the Empty partially possessed by Lucifer? Gah. I don’t even know. I’m just throwing ideas at a dart board now. *LOL* 

And at this point, wtf CAN they even do against Chuck? I really don’t know. I’m hoping the next episodes are better, but I know 19 was written by Buckleming and they don’t have the best track record. True, a few of their episodes I’ve actually enjoyed. But sometimes they fall short on writing the Brothers Winchester. 

Anyway, I think I’ve probably rambled enough for now.

[wazafam]

An old saying goes that a hero is only as good as their villain, but in the realm of horror, the villain tends to overshadow the hero. This isn't the case quite as much in horror video games, as both heroes and villains can truly manage to be equally as appealing.

RELATED: 10 Scariest Games You Can Play On Switch Right Now

With all that being said, sometimes really good villains from the realm of horror games tend to get overlooked, with there being a cornucopia of excellent examples. In fact, some of them are so sinister, they have somehow managed to overshadow literal demons with their particular brand of villainy.

10 Calypso (Twisted Metal: Black)

Out of all these games, Twisted Metal: Black is the least strict in terms of horror, but it manages to be scarier than most traditional horror games. Unlike the previous games, where Calypso was a flamboyant character who spoke eloquently, Calypso is silent in Black, with a design more in line with the game's less comical tone.

Portrayed as a creepy, hairless man with a black glass eye who sits upon a throne of damaged cars, Calypso is a bit fairer in this game, but very rarely do the competitors of the Twisted Metal competition get what they want when they approach him. In fact, the only person who can truly defeat him is someone far eviler than he is.

9 Betruger (Doom 3)

Speaking of bald men with unique eyes, Doom 3's Malcolm Betruger is so creepy he manages to outdo actual demons. The head of the research division on the UAC's Mars Base, Betruger's unorthodox experiments causes his subordinates to be scared of him, which leads to the UAC stepping in and investigating his activity.

It's revealed that Betruger opened up a portal to Hell, leading to an armada of demons taking over the base, with only the infamous Doom Guy being able to stop them. Throughout the game, Betruger taunts Doom Guy, which ends when the villain is turned into a winged demon known as the Maledict, which leads to a terrifying boss fight.

8 Wendy (Rule Of Rose)

If the game played out like the fairy tales that inspired it, perhaps Rule of Rose would see Wendy and main character Jennifer living happily ever after, but that isn't the case. The founder of The Red Crayon Aristocrat Club, Wendy soon befriends Jennifer and the two fall in love.

RELATED: 10 Horror Games That Would Make Amazing TV Shows

Unfortunately, this love story ends in tragedy, as Wendy becomes jealous when Jennifer shows more affection towards her new dog Brown, so she orchestrates events that lead to Brown being beaten to death. What follows is a series of events that lead to Wendy, along with the rest of The Aristocrat Club, being brutally murdered and Jennifer being left all alone.

7 Lionel Starkweather (Manhunt)

Voiced by the legendary Brian Cox, Lionel Starkweather was once a prominent filmmaker, but a series of flops sent him down a path that led to him making elaborate snuff films. In Manhunt, Starkweather frees convicted murderer James Earl Cash to make him the star of his latest vile venture.

After slaughtering gangsters, hate group members, deranged psychopaths, and a deranged man in a pig suit, Cash murders his way through Starkweather's empire before slicing his head off with a chainsaw. It goes without saying that Starkweather succeeded in making Cash an even colder killer, but he may have done so a bit too well.

6 Walter Sullivan (Silent Hill 4: The Room)

The town of Silent Hill is a scary enough villain as it is, so that should make the idea of any of the games having a true villain almost perfunctory. Regardless, the divisive fourth entry proves that it can be done with serial killer Walter Sullivan.

A murderous religious zealot who feels that it is his mission to murder 21 people in order to complete the "21 Sacraments," Walter Sullivan is a terrifying presence throughout the game. What makes him scarier is how his victims become horrifying monsters that will haunt the dreams of many players.

5 The Xenomorph (Alien: Isolation)

A masterclass in terror, it seems as if Creative Assembly's Alien: Isolation has been somewhat forgotten about. This is a shame, especially since the game recaptured the terror of the original film from 1979, with the Xenomorph being more terrifying than ever. After years of being a bit of a joke, Isolation's portrayal of the creature that laid siege to The Nostromo was a shot in the arm.

RELATED: Alien Isolation: 5 Reasons It's The Perfect Alien Sequel (& 5 Where It Falls Short)

What makes this version of the Xenomorph so terrifying is that its AI is near-perfect and it can show up at any time, attacking��Ellen Ripley's daughter Amanda from out of nowhere. The Xenomorph isn't the only antagonist in the game, but it is certainly the scariest.

4 SHODAN (System Shock 2)

As time has gone by, SHODAN, the main villain of the underappreciated System Shock series, has received a cult following in her own right. While her presence in the first game is memorable, it's the more horror-centric sequel System Shock 2 that gives SHODAN her time to shine.

When the military spaceship Von Braun becomes overrun by an infection that turns the crew into The Many, a survivor named Polito leads an unnamed, amnesia-stricken soldier throughout the madness. Obviously, SHODAN is involved, with her reveal coming in one of the most shocking moments in gaming history.

3 Daniella (Haunting Ground)

Haunting Ground is one of the most disturbing games ever made, with the game dealing with heavy themes including voyeurism and incest, which are themes that will get under most players' skin. Of the four villains in the game, Daniella is the most chilling, with her inhuman perfection making her highly creepy.

On the surface, Daniella, the maid of the castle that Fiona, the main heroine, is trapped in, seems like a perfect human being. However, this comes at the cost of being able to feel or enjoy anything, causing her to lash out towards Fiona out of jealousy.

2 Scissorman (Clock Tower)

Scissorman, the main villain from the first two Clock Tower games is uniquely terrifying. A persona attributed to the demonic Barrows brothers, the killer that made his debut in a Japanese-exclusive SNES game called Clock Tower, is heavily reminiscent of slasher villains, such as Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers.

RELATED: Clock Tower & 9 Other Forgotten Video Games That Would Make Great Movies

Much like the Xenomorph from Alien: Isolation, Scissorman will appear randomly and can attack the main character, Jennifer Simpson, at any point. Both incarnations of Scissorman take sadistic pleasure in murdering people, which gives them a terrifying prescience that makes up for their small size.

1 AM (I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream)

Based on the novella written by Harlan Ellison, I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream is a well-crafted reimagining of a rather dour story. AM, who is actually voiced by Ellison, is a supercomputer created by America, Russia, and China which gained sentience and destroyed all life on Earth, killing everyone, save for five unfortunate souls.

AM, being particularly cruel, made these people invincible and tortured them for 109 years before putting them into a terrifying game. Placing each person in their own scenario that calls upon their distinctive failings, AM is a haunting vision of what the state of the world could turn out to be.

NEXT: 10 Best Vampire Video Games To Sink Your Teeth Into

10 Most Underrated Horror Game Villains, Ranked | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/2QQt4yi

[new-endings]

The Nice and Accurate Guide to Courting

Summary: As Hell’s bastard prince, Crowley is expected to wed an Archangel of Heaven’s kingdom to bring peace between the two warring nations.

It really is too bad he only has eyes for his sweet, bastard of a Guide, the Principality Aziraphale, who is dead-set on making sure the engagement happens.

Chapter 3: 

Interlude: A Guide’s Folly and Frustrations

ch1, ch2, ao3

Chapter Summary: In which Aziraphale struggles to find the meaning behind Crowley's exceedingly odd behaviors.

Special thanks to @top-crowley-central, @sadwendigo, @imjustadrummer and of course, @hope-for-snow (dw bby I’ll give you yours next time) for helping me come up with these little courting intricacies!

Aziraphale fought the urge to pace back and forth.

He’s late. Again…

Aziraphale could understand being nervous; he himself was the last person to fault another for such feelings. It was, after all, quite a momentous occasion.

The Angel did his best to set the mood: an abundance of miracled flora sprawling vibrantly over the white walls, the clearance of both his and Crowley’s schedules, and all on a lovely sunset—clouds painted with lovely pinks and blues as the warm, orange twilight bathed the castle in its romantic glow.

Aziraphale ducked his head out from the balcony and his heart caught in his throat—

Ah. Finally.

The prince had arrived.

Aziraphale sighed a breath of relief and smiled to himself as he let his eyes trail over him. Well, doesn’t he look fetching?

Crowley tended to wear darker garb, as was customary for many people in Hell, and while he hadn’t altered that aspect of his wardrobe, he did heed Aziraphale’s light suggestion in wearing something a little more form-fitting… something that accentuated Crowley’s height, his lean body, and elegant lines. And the results were nothing less than spectacular.

Crowley, unfortunately, was making a face far less pleasant to look at.

Or rather he did until he met eyes with Aziraphale; a bright smile graced his lips and Aziraphale gave a little wave back.

Good, Aziraphale thought. What was probably pre-date jitters seemed to melt right off. Aziraphale gave an encouraging grin in return and made a gesture for the prince to get on with it.

Archangel Uriel wasn’t going to stand around at the keep forever.

The prince made a show of rolling his eyes before sauntering towards the awaiting Archangel, her shoulders visibly stiffening at the sign of the prince’s approach.

Holding a breath and uttering a short prayer, Aziraphale forced himself to watch on with apprehensive hope. It was quite difficult to get a hold of any of the Archangels, but with the deleterious prospect of war hanging over their heads, the Archangels were less inclined to deny a Prince of Hell private audience.

Then, it was simply a matter of choosing one that best suited Crowley’s fancy.

Archangel Michael was the most revered of the Archangels: her fortitude in the battlefield earned her place as the Queen’s Right Hand—

—but that being said, she was also terrifying, slain innumerous members of Hells’ army, and in Crowley’s words “a wanker.”

Though Aziraphale sputtered at the last bit, Aziraphale supposed he should count their lucky stars that there were other choices to speak of; Michael, for now, was safely off the table.

Then there’s Archangel Gabriel—

—to which Crowley vetoed outright. “Angel, does it look like I fancy the prospect of going for an early morning jog every damned day for the rest of my life?” And, well…

Aziraphale could hardly fault him for that, now could he?

That left Archangel Uriel.

Calm and steadfast in her mannerisms, Aziraphale felt that out of all the Archangels, Uriel would probably be their best bet in going forward with their Queen’s plan. Sure, she seemed a bit cold. Standoffish, really, and a tad intimidating—but she was also a refined lover of the arts. Something that Crowley (and himself) could greatly appreciate.

There, Aziraphale thought triumphantly. An Archangel who isn’t interested in liquid protein concoctions and an Archangel who you can bring home to without constant threats of assassination for vengeance. Crowley, begrudgingly half-heartedly, agreed.

Oh! They’re conversing! The Angel fought back a delighted sound. He really, really hoped this would go well. He prayed that they’d at least get along. Aziraphale wasn’t naïve—he knew how much of a sacrifice this was for Crowley—for anyone, really. To tie one’s life to another for an end for a conflict, rather than for the simple joy and a promise to live a life together. It was…suboptimal, to say the least. But it must be done and all Aziraphale could do now was hope that Crowley could find both; that this would all work out in the end and that the prince would find himself with a happy marriage and live in an era of peace.

A happily-ever-after.

Aziraphale, with his love of romances and tales, was a Principality to his core. Despite their roles during the wars, Principalities were ultimately made to love.

And oh, how Aziraphale loved love.  

Hope bloomed in his chest as the minutes ticked by. It seemed to be going well enough.

Well enough being the key phrasing here. Neither of them made the efforts to step closer, keeping a sizeable distance as they conversed. It was always difficult to read Archangel Uriel, but with their backs turned, perched on the keep, and Aziraphale only able to observe from a tower balcony, it was impossible to tell the reality of things.

But at least the prince wasn’t flung off across the battlements, so Aziraphale would take that as a small victory. A positive sign.

Or it was, up until Crowley likely made a bad joke, judging from his shaking shoulders and the way the Archangel slowly turned beside him. Aziraphale’s high hopes took a sharp nosedive to the pits of his stomach, a feeling of dread creeping up to within him.

Oh no.

The pair seemed to exchange a few words before the Archangel Uriel turned and walked off, a noticeable haste in her stride, leaving Crowley making a hapless shrug at her exit.

Aziraphale blew out a blustery sigh, mourning the failed attempt. Back to the drawing board. He rushed out of the room, out of the spires, and towards the gardens at their designated meeting place.

And in his rush, he completely overlooked the triumphant grin on Crowley’s face and the pleasant tune he whistled out as he walked off.

.

“That went terribly.”

Aziraphale would have felt much more sympathy had the other even bothered to sound afflicted. “Prince Crowley—”

Slumped down on the stone bench next to him, Crowley rolled his eyes. “Just Crowley, Angel.”

“Your Highness,” Aziraphale continued irately. “What in Hell did you say to her?”

“Nothing,” Crowley replied but Aziraphale could see he was biting back a smile. “I was an utmost gentleman, I assure you.” He gave that same damned smarmy grin again. “Would I lie to you, Angel?”

The very one that made the Angel’s blood boil. “Recent history has proven that, yes, yes you can,” he sniffed. “Quite gleefully, might I add.”

Crowley made a show of pouting, but Aziraphale was not swayed. “Are you ever going to let that go?”

The Angel sent him a flat look. “Not on your life.” No siree. Not after that first humiliating encounter at the hands of Crowley’s deception.

The prince seemed to ruminate this for a while before sighing. “I’m sorry.” Huh. Aziraphale could almost believe that tone. “Honestly, I am. For how it made you feel.” Hesitantly, Aziraphale turned and was met with amber, pleading eyes.

Good grief. Aziraphale shook his head. “Crowley, it’s not my feelings you should be worried about!” He pinched his brows. “If Uriel makes a poor impression out of you, it may prove even more difficult to court—”

“Not exactly what I was apologizing for but,” Crowley paused at the sight of the unimpressed look Aziraphale shot back at him. “Yeah. Sorry about that too, I guess. What can I say? Birds don’t exactly have the best sense of humor.” He smiled to himself, obnoxiously smug. “As recent history has proven.”

Aziraphale let out a gasp. “Crowley!” Gracious, it was like he wanted things to go amuck! “You honestly shouldn’t sound so, so—”

Crowley gave a tilt of his head. “Dinner?” At the mere mention of it, Aziraphale cursed himself for his mood mellowing almost immediately. “To get your mind off it,” the prince continued. He eyed the Angel thoughtfully and Aziraphale fought the urge to squirm under his golden gaze. “There’ll be other opportunities, Angel. For now, let’s just enjoy the night.”

He already stood while Aziraphale uselessly floundered with his options; on the one hand, it would be best to regroup and discuss the meeting with Uriel thoroughly. That first impression seemed to have gone… less-than-ideal, but it was better to learn from the experience and make good use of it. On the other hand, it would be nice to get their minds off this first little misstep. And what better time to regroup than after filling their bellies to further fuel their conversation and ideas?

Crowley looked expectantly at him, hand outstretched to pull the Angel off his seat.

I talked myself into this, didn’t I? “Oh, very well,” he sighed, allowing himself to be whisked away for the night, much to his chagrin and much to Crowley’s glee.

Just like every other night, it would seem.

At least Crowley looked to be in high spirits. “Excellent! Say, how about we try that place with the thin pancakes that you like so much?”

“For the last time, Crowley, they’re crêpes—"

.

If the past few weeks taught Aziraphale one thing, it was that Demons were an astonishingly generous bunch.

Of course, he’s only had a sample size of one thus far, but Aziraphale feels that he’s got the basics down at least.

Crowley had a flair for opulence. Of course, this wasn’t unusual. He’s a prince—but Aziraphale couldn’t help feeling a slight shift as of late. Of course, Aziraphale still wanted to treat the prince as a guest of his kingdom; this often entailed Aziraphale scheduling meetings at lovely sights and monuments around the capital, the fine eateries and haunts Aziraphale frequented and could therefore vouch for in quality, and yes sometimes it would be on Crowley’s coin—

(All right, discounting their first meeting with the oysters, it was always on Crowley’s coin.)

— it seemed as though the prince’s natural desire for luxury eventually won out. Tender, juicy meats cooked to pinked perfection, fresh, flaky fish fillets lusciously seasoned, beds of vibrant and verdant vegetables, and ripe, refreshing fruits, assorted together in the varying styles of each of the four corners of the kingdom, far beyond a standard Principality’s paygrade to dine upon on a regular basis. But it was ever his fortune that as lavish the lifestyle of a prince must live (bordering on extravagance, really), Crowley was always more than willing to indulge Aziraphale’s tastes. He was delightfully thorough and thoughtful to his preferences, indeed.

Having been trained and stationed at the Eastern Gate for so long, Aziraphale’s mouth watered at the flavorings and spices of the North, the fine fragrance of the South’s wines, the luxury and decadence of the West’s desserts. He was quite eager to share them and their rich history, and Crowley…

Well he seemed to be content just to sit there and converse, letting the topic drift anywhere from the best plays that were in the theater to the rambunctious fun Crowley got into as a boy.

And to drink, of course.

Oh… Aziraphale sighed, breathing in the delicious aromas marrying together from the plate before him. The Archangel of his choosing will be surely a lucky one!

Aziraphale valiantly ignored the strange taste in his mouth at the thought. He succeeded with the aid of the lavish meal he dug into. The sea bass was cooked to perfection and paired nicely with the lemon jus and Aziraphale savored each lovely bite. Ah. Bliss.

Unfortunately, it appeared that Crowley didn’t quite agree. He had barely touched his meal and instead laid his elbow on the table ( Poor etiquette, Aziraphale thought; he ought to remind him not to do such a thing in front of an Archangel) with the palms of his hand resting his chin and staring…rather intently at Aziraphale.

The Angel blinked. “Is the food not to your liking, Crowley?”

That seemed to startle him out of whatever reverie he was under. “Hm? Oh, no—no, I mean it’s good. Just…”

“Not hungry?” the Angel offered.

Aziraphale was certain that although the poor dear gave a brisk nod, he was indeed lying. He looked positively starving! Perhaps he just wasn’t one for fish?

“Well that was scrumptious,” Aziraphale sighed, already feeling the day’s stresses dissipate. Still, the matter of the next attempts of wooing should be discussed and Crowley was looking quite famished. Perhaps they could opt for another night in at his quarters. “What are you in the mood for?”

Something flashed in those golden eyes but Aziraphale couldn’t quite put a name on it. “Alcohol. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.”

.

The second thing that the past few weeks taught Aziraphale was that Demons were an incredibly forgetful bunch.

Aziraphale eyed the state of his quarters: various articles of dark clothing strewn about, sashes, scarves, coats, all matters of jewelry, even a bloody diadem just hanging on the post of his bed at one point—

Crowley really ought to take better care of his things. But, Aziraphale learned from the last venture when he had dutifully gathered up the rich cloths and glittering treasures and brought them back—

Only to be met with an…uncomfortable look from the prince and some rubbish about him Having another just like it somewhere in his wardrobe and Save it, would you? For safe keeping.

Whatever that meant.

“Oh! Before my mind slips from me,” Aziraphale said, compliant as ever in reminding Crowley about what else he decided to stow away in the Angel’s quarters. “You forgot your—”

The prince waved off the comment before resuming his regular position on the Angel’s new sofa. “Keep it; I’ve got plenty more at home.”

“Crowley,” the Angel chided. “Your ring? The one bearing your family crest?”

Amber eyes briefly flickered to the item in Aziraphale’s hand, blinking before giving a careless laugh. “Keep it; I’ve got plenty more at home.”

This little— “Oh you…” At the other’s playful grin, he had half a mind to throw it at his companion’s head, if not for sheer propriety holding him by the scruff of his neck. Crowley was a guest after all. “Fine, I shall place it here for safekeeping,” he announced, heading straight to the corner of his room that slowly turning into a prince’s lost-and-found, brimming with the other items Crowley has left and/or given him over the course of a few weeks. Books filled most of the shelves, a feather here, a vase of Imperial Snowdrops there, a constellation of gifts and memorabilia dotting the walls.

“Why not wear it?”

Aziraphale nearly dropped the ring in his hands. Has the alcohol gotten to him already? Aziraphale gave a (breathless) chuckle. “Sorry dear, I don’t think your ring would be a proper fit.” He gave a short demonstration, fitting the band and exhibiting how it stopped at the proximal joint of both his middle and ring finger.

Crowley protested to that immediately. “’course it will.” He gestured for the Angel to come closer and despite the warning signs, Aziraphale sighed and headed over anyways. Taking the Angel’s hand in his own, Crowley gave a bleary-eyed examination before plucking the ring, “Fits right…” and slipping it over Aziraphale’s pinky. “Here!” he deemed with a happy finality.

And it was a perfect fit.

Crowley sat back, looking so pleased with himself that Aziraphale could only answer with a mild, “Oh. I guess it does.” He examined the ring closer under the flickering firelight, fighting the urge to pull away from the warmth of Crowley’s hand still holding his.

It was a pale gold, unlike the dark, muted colors and vibrant reds that accentuated Crowley’s hair and eyes. It glittered, defining the details of a magnificent serpent sinking its fangs to the breast of a ferocious bird of prey. Aziraphale swallowed, suddenly feeling his mouth dry and cheeks flushed.

He looked up to find Crowley staring at him again. He seemed to be doing that quite often as of late.

“Right, then.” Aziraphale didn’t know what to make of the ring, the crest, and why Crowley wanted it on his finger, but he’ll keep it on to appease Crowley. He finally dropped his hand and Aziraphale scurried back to his desk, a pounding in his chest he could only attribute to the wine not pairing well with the fish he had earlier.

Thankfully, Crowley didn’t comment on the matter any further. Instead, what he did choose to comment on was much worse.

“Of course. I leave my feathers here after relaxing my poor, aching wings, and you use the primaries as—a quill?”

Aziraphale, paused, looking down, He was, indeed, using one of Crowley’s abandoned plumes as a quill. The Angel huffed. “You said to do what I want with them—especially after you begged me not to throw them out.” It wouldn’t do to have loose-lipped maids discovering that the prince was molting from finding the evidence in the trash and he couldn’t very well chuck them in the fireplace.

They were fireproof after all.

Crowley made a face. “I didn’t beg.”

It was Aziraphale’s turn to roll his eyes. “Right, dear. And I’m the one molting right now.”

“’m not molting!” he defended (rather poorly, in Aziraphale’s opinion). “’Just. Not acclimated to the weather here. That’s all.” He stretched the magnificent wings out, causing Aziraphale to startle at the large wingspan. “See? Does that look like a mess of molting to you?”

They weren’t. Either that, or Crowley was among the few birds that could molt gracefully without looking like a plucked chicken.  

Aziraphale bit back a smile. “No. I suppose not.” By the Queen herself, Crowley’s wings were gorgeous. Blacker than night, not a feather out of place despite how many he seemed to lose whenever he brought them out in Aziraphale’s quarters.

“Hey, Angel?” Aziraphale turned from his chair, glancing over to where Crowley was perched on the sofa. “Let’s see yours.”

Aziraphale wasn’t even aware he was making a face until Crowley pouted.

“C’mon give it a go. I’ve shown you mine already,” Crowley bargained. “It’s only fair.”

This time Aziraphale knew exactly what kind of face he was making. It was one that lead the petulant prince to pout at him.

The third little oddity—err, quirk he had noticed about his sample size of One, was that Demons could be…oddly affectionate.

At least, by Angel standards.

The sharing of feathers, the demand request to see his wings—

All quite…intimate things to do, but nothing out of the ordinary for close friends and families; a gift of feathers from one of a different flock was a declaration of forming new bonds, an act of adopting an outsider or joining as a family.

It made…for a strange warmth at the pit of Aziraphale’s belly and before it even fully registered, a flurry of white enclosed his peripheral vision.

They were smaller than Crowley’s. Not by much, mind you, but longer; he was made for gliding, soaring, rather than the wings of agile flyers like Crowley’s were.

And as such—they were also a terrible pain to preen.

“Don’t you ever take care of them?” Crowley gave a long once-over to each folded wing as he sat up. “Poor things look like they haven’t been groomed in ages.”

“Yes, well,” Aziraphale started, folding up his wings self-consciously. “I suppose it has been a while,” he murmured, tracing along a primary. Too long, really, since he’d had a partner to preen him. A partner to preen for. He beat back the unpleasant feeling as he cleared his throat. “I’m sure your staff keeps your wings well maintained, but not everyone—”

“They don’t.”

Aziraphale blinked. “Oh, but…” He stumbled. “Your family must—”

At that, Crowley gave a bitter laugh. “Pfft. Nah.” He gave a meaningful look to the Angel and his ruffled wings, and to his own, lovely pair. “I wouldn’t let them touch a feather.”

But whatever meaning it was, Aziraphale couldn’t understand.

 ..............................

Crowley didn’t know whether to thank his lucky stars or curse them to his kingdom and back for making the Angel so thick.

He’d watch on, unabashedly trailing his gaze from the way that soft, pink mouth opened and closed around every morsel of food, to the way his eyes fluttered shut, from way the Angel gave an enticing little wiggle as he savored each and every bite, to the polite and delicate way he dabbed at the corners of his mouth with the napkin.

The prince, with his food long forgotten, found that he’d much rather make a meal out of this delectable Angel instead.

Crowley never thought of himself as a glutton for punishment, but watching Aziraphale indulge and sigh in honeyed bliss gnawed at the chains of his control to not simply take the Angel by the hand and lead him somewhere nice, dark, and far away from prying ears just to hear what else Crowley could do to elicit such wanton sounds from that sweet, sweet mouth.

Crowley shook those thoughts from his head; it wouldn’t do well to be this aroused during one of their meetings. Not with Aziraphale insisting that he wear something a little too tight around the trousers—

—but ah those coy looks trailing over his form from the Angel himself was too difficult to ignore. Perhaps he’ll wear similar garb more often and hopefully speed up this entire ordeal of courting in the process.

And ordeal was putting it lightly.

Angels, from the sounds of it, needed far more reassurance of compatibility before initiating acts of courtship, hence why Aziraphale was there to give some insider-details of the Archangels’ follies and fancies. It absolutely would not do to initiate acts of courting without due introduction and shared interests.

Demons, however, tended to gauge all that through acts of courting.

It’s not uncommon for the two to share meals and outings together, even if it ended with Aziraphale giving him a tour of the kingdom. In the beginning, Crowley preferred those days the most since he gets to see Aziraphale in his most natural element: enjoying himself. But other times, the Guide’s sense of duty breaks through and Aziraphale will begin with such nonsense like “Oh Michael’s swordsmanship is legendary, but she has quite the affinity for spears as of late, so for a courting gift—” and other such useless topics. These were the times that regrettably reminded Crowley that he’s here to wed one of those wankers instead.

So, Crowley often deflected, steered the conversation away from unsavory waters, and navigated them towards more pleasant shores by innocently asking, “Right, good, but do you like the North’s dessert wines or do you prefer the South’s reds?”

Of course, Aziraphale will naturally start another hour or so lecture about why nothing beats the Southern reds.

And some nights, Aziraphale will find a nice bottle of Southern red and Crowley is duly repaid with a sunshine smile and his Angel in a happy mood the next day.

Using that same method, Crowley gathered all sorts of interests from the Principality; from his preferences of bygone authors and poets, to the locations of his favorite bouquets of rare Imperial Snowdrops, to which shops baked the sweetest cakes and other delicacies.

A fine ordeal, courting. But Crowley didn’t mind it.

When it came of official courtships, jewelry was traditional, but outright presenting them to the Angel was tricky; he couldn’t very well offer them as payment for his guidance and company as Aziraphale wasn’t took keen on adorning himself, save for a few choice items. So, Crowley did the next best thing: he took to leaving them in the Angel’s little nest instead. An armband here, a bracelet there, and Crowley chuckled at the memory of the Angel carefully wrapping his own diadem before presenting it back to the prince with a pinched look. My dear, I know you’re a bit scatterbrained, but please don’t leave such treasures in my room where I can be easily accused of stealing.

Let them know they’re gifts, Crowley strongly hinted suggested, but Aziraphale made that familiar downturn of his lips that let Crowley know that his “joke” wasn’t appreciated. He took back the headpiece and a few choice items. Obsidian blacks and bloody rubies were hardly Aziraphale’s style anyways.

Books, as scarce as they were in Hell, were Aziraphale’s favorite weakness. He’d never refuse such a rare gem for his collection, so Crowley had taken to sending requests from couriers with the implication that they were being utilized in the name of courtly love. And that was their designated purpose, but decidedly not in the way that would please the King, the next-in-line, nor the entirety of his own damned kingdom—but sharing that bit of information wasn’t necessary.

Wining and dining were a staple in all cultures across the lands, but it was especially appealing for Demons to seek a mate that could provide for them (and Crowley could, would, and was proving this aspect quite thoroughly) and it was nothing short of instinctively pleasing to know Crowley could nourish and sate his future mate to his heart’s content.

Not only that, but since food and drink were consumables, there’d be little evidence of the existence of said courting to point a finger at. Other Birds wouldn’t bat an eye if a prince went out to dine at expensive restaurants and demanded the finest of wines and liquor—oh, for him and his companion? Well he’s a prince after all, he can’t settle for anything less. It was perfect, really. Crowley’s preferred method of courting for this very reason.

Another bite of his meal and his Angel moaned, face enraptured, absolute ecstasy painting across his features. Crowley carefully adjusted himself in his seat.

Among other reasons.

By Crowley’s standards, his Bird was thoroughly courted—

But for better or worse, Aziraphale hadn’t noticed it at all. It seemed that they were on very separate wavelengths when it came to matters of the heart.

Which was really such a damned shame because Crowley, on the other hand, was growing restless and his senses going wild.

Wild in the sense that if he didn’t see Aziraphale at least once that day, his instincts itched and gnawed at him from the marrow of his bones to ensure Aziraphale’s safety; in the sense that he was becoming in tune with the Angel’s needs—It’s lunch time and he should be peckish by now, He’s brooding, Angels aren’t supposed to brood at least not mine something’s wrong and I need to fix it, He’s hardly sleeping and is probably up all night reading those novellas I sent him last week so maybe we should schedule our meeting later in the morning; in the sense that it drove him absolutely mad that he was not able to scent himself on Aziraphale—because if he can’t claim him, then anyone else could just as easily walk by and snatch his little Bird up—

Wild in that sense.

His thoughts were plagued with it and Crowley grew antsier by the day. There were some things he could intercede on behalf of his own sanity, at least.

Although he couldn’t very well scent Aziraphale’s form, his Bird’s little nest was helping soothe that ache. It was cluttered with shelves and collections upon collections of tomes, tales, diaries, and journals and most importantly— cluttered with things of Crowley.

His coats still hung by the rack, his pendant at the side of Aziraphale’s desk; wraps and cloths were strewn over by a chair, folded neatly on a shelf, inside a drawer that contained a variety of Aziraphale’s own outerwear, soft golds of bangles and rings tucked neatly away in a small chest within the trunk at the foot of Aziraphale’s bed—

Even his feathers.

The first time Crowley had been given entry to Aziraphale’s quarters, he was ever-so-fortunate that Aziraphale had been distracted with hunting down a bottle of fine wine to share when those bloody vestigial appendages popped from his back, leaving several feathers in its wake.

Crowley did the only thing one could do at the time—aside from panic: sprawl himself over the sofa and take a nice, big, stretch.

When Aziraphale returned with a vintage bottle, he gave one raised brow at the Demon. Making yourself comfortable, I see?

Crowley barely tilted his pillowed head from the outdated cushions. I’m trying but, this thing’s so ancient, it might disintegrate if so much as twitch.

(As a small aside, there was no way Hastur and Ligur believed him when he used his own coin to replace the battered old thing with something more opulent—something sturdier. All because the legs collapsed after Crowley gave one, hearty sneeze. They had sneered and mocked, rudely implicating that the causal activity likely had been a bit more rigorous to break the sofa.)

It seemed customary now; every time Crowley so much as set foot in Aziraphale’s nest, the night-black wings would manifest without fail. Crowley didn’t know if this was some sort of deeply rooted predisposition left over from their origins as Angels. He just hoped he wouldn’t find himself doing some idiotic mating dance next that consisted of flapping his useless wings around.

But Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was being a bastard and teased him about his little molting issue.

Which it isn’t!

Crowley, please collect your feathers.

Daft bird. What am I going to do with my own feathers?

Well. what am I supposed to do with them?

Make a cozy pillow or something. Anything’s better than this stiff rock, he had said with a wide gesture to the array of cushions Crowley haphazardly displaced.

He’d meant for that to be a joke, but he quickly warmed to the mental image of Aziraphale curled up to a pillow made of his own down.

The Angel could say what he liked about the issue; so long as he finds use for those feathers. It just seemed. Right, somehow. Even if it was currently being utilized as a writing tool—delicately held in Aziraphale’s plump hands, well-manicured fingers tapping and twirling the plume, the absent-minded brush of the pen against his mouth as he contemplated something— Crowley wouldn’t complain.

In fact, he couldn’t say much of anything as he watched.  

.

Surprisingly, it was Aziraphale that took heed of the last little courting gesture. One that Crowley hadn’t even realized he’d been doing.

Since the little sofa incident, Hastur and Ligur had transitioned from merely ribbing him of the time he spent with Aziraphale to outright stalking them. Every so often, he’d catch a whiff of brimstone and find the pair staring back at him unabashedly. It made Crowley downright uneasy, knowing that they were tracking his movements, their activities.

Who knows what they’d report back to Hell…

Aziraphale was less perturbed by the whole thing. They’re your footmen, Crowley. Shouldn’t you be glad they’re actually doing their jobs for once?

But he relented under Crowley’s insistence that they meet at obscure areas and then head out for the day. Of course he had to deal with the Angel’s insistence that this is ludicrous! but Crowley won him over in the end.

He always does.

Getting Aziraphale to meet him at the designated destinations had been an ordeal of its own, however. It took quite a few trials and errors, but Crowley thought they had a pretty good system down by now. They’d already made four rendezvous points at this time, and it was going swimmingly—

Even if the Angel couldn’t remember between the bandstand (4th rendezvous point) and the national library storeroom (the 2nd).

Hastur and Ligur—as well as any other Demons that came aboard with him, were out of sight for the past week. Still, that did little to ease the anxiety slowly coalescing within him. He’d taken to surveying the area, half an ear attending to whatever his Angel was prattling on about, another honed on dark whispers, covert murmurs, and listening for telltale wheezy little laughs.

He didn’t know if Hastur and Ligur had more contacts, if people started talking and speculating about how much time he spent with this particular Angel. Sure, he can spin the tale justifiably since Aziraphale was ultimately his Guide to the kingdom, but sooner or later, people will be demanding results and progression towards his wooing to an Archangel and by then, Crowley will either need to have won Aziraphale over or—

“Crowley, could you please stop that?”

He startled, turning to the Angel. Aziraphale sighed and tugged him towards a quieter street and away from the throngs of people.

After taking a few lefts and the crowds walking by thinned down, Aziraphale forced the prince to look straight at him. He gave an annoyed huff, but there was no mistaking the worry in those stormy eyes. “You were making me dizzy.”

Crowley blinked. “What?”

There was a stern frown set upon the Angel’s lips now. “Did you even hear a word I was saying?”

A quick scan through rote memory and: “The musical. Yes. The Archangels will be there.” Right. That was why his Angel was wearing new attire: a coat, vest, and trousers of soft creams and off-whites—different from his usual robes. “You were showing me to the theater.”

Aziraphale nodded, suppressing a shudder. “Yes. The…Sound of Music.” He made a face like he had just sampled an under-seasoned cut of steak. “Gabriel’s favorite.”

Crowley grimaced. Ah. That. Archangel…romance-business.

“Yes; honestly not my favorite production but—there you go again!” Aziraphale gestured about him. “Kettling as we speak—”

“Kettling,” Crowley spat, heavily in denial though he halted his movements and…was altogether unsure exactly how he went from being right in front of Aziraphale to standing just by his left. Right. “Ridiculous—”

His Guide shot him an exasperated look. “Circling, then. Stop it, you’re making me feel like—prey.” Aziraphale raised a brow at the convulsion of emotions that just flashed through the prince’s face. “Crowley, is everything all right?”

The prince snorted, none-too-delicately. “Fine. Just…fine.” Prey?

For Go—Sa—for someone’s sake.

He really didn’t get it, did he?

“No, not just, Crowley,” Aziraphale started, patiently. “You’ve been acting all out of sorts for the past few weeks. It’s been worrying me.”

Crowley fought back a wince. “It’s—”

Nothing, really. I’m just upset and bloody hormonal because I can’t scent you, I can’t mark you, I can’t let anyone know you’re mine, and now I’m paranoid that my own men are going to turn against me because I’ve went and decided that I’m simply gone for you.

But obviously, he couldn’t say all that. Not now. Not yet. “The, uh. Situation’s finally gotten to me, is all.” Crowley gave a swallow at the confused look on the Angel’s face. “I’m not used to it. The responsibility. It makes me...anxious,” he ended.

“Oh dear…” Bless—curse this Bird for his cloud-puff soft heart and pleading eyes. “I thought you were adjusting so well.”

“Not your fault, Angel,” Crowley muttered. “New territory, too. Being in Heaven, that is. Can’t help but feel uneasy.”

Tentatively, Aziraphale reached for arm and Crowley wanted to take his hands again, just like that night under the stars weeks ago. Instead, Crowley let it hang limp as the Angel gave a comforting pat.

“My dear, I may not have my sword anymore, but you needn’t worry.” He gave a small, encouraging smile. “I promise to protect you.”

At that tender declaration, Crowley’s brain temporarily short circuited, causing him to trip over his own two feet.

“Crowley!”

That felt like final nail in the coffin: he’s so deep in love to the point it’s physically ruining him and his reputation.

.............................................

Crowley was late. Again.

And when Crowley was late, it never ended very well for Aziraphale and his best-laid plans.

“Well, well.” A Demon stood before him, blocking entrance from the West Wing where Crowley and the rest of his legion resided. Dark hair and complexion with fiery eyes. Ligur.  

“If it isn’t the Guide,” another called out from behind the Angel, effectively blocking the exit. An unnatural pallor framing dark, dark eyes; Hastur, then.

Aziraphale had no time for this. He cleared his throat. “Hello, gentlemen. Is Prince Crowley ready?”

He turned to see Ligur shoot a knowing smile to his companion. “Off to another affair?” he asked, ignoring Aziraphale’s question entirely. Okay. Fine.  

The Angel decided to play along. “We’re meeting in regards to the progression of—”

“Right, right…” Hastur muttered dismissively. He inched closer to the Angel with a toothy grin. “Say, he is wooing an Archangel, right?”

Aziraphale tried very hard not to give him a look that would have implied insult to his intelligence. “Yes, of course. That’s what I’m here for—”

“Just making certain that things are going according to plan,” Ligur assured with a complacent smile.

Yet something behind that tone made Aziraphale think twice about his intentions. “Yes. No hitches or road bumps,” Hastur added with a smirk at the way the Angel stiffened as he came up behind him.

“No…distractions,” Ligur added with an intimidating step forward.

Oh dear.

No wonder Crowley preferred spending time over at Aziraphale’s quarters if this was what he had to put up with. He nodded primly despite his mounting annoyance. “Quite right, gentlemen. I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that things are progressing as expected, and that the Prince will be meeting with Archangel—”

“Oh good, good.” Ligur gave another shared smile with his Demonic mate. “Delightful to hear.”

“Yes,” Hastur nodded perceptively. “Especially since the prince has been exhibiting, well,” he gave a vague gesture. “You know…”

“Hastur,” his companion admonished with a scheming grin. “Careful, now. We wouldn’t want word to get out.”

That gave Aziraphale pause. “Word?” Was something wrong with Crowley? “Exhibiting what, exactly?”

Hastur gave a mocking gasp. “Oh, you haven’t noticed?”

“The prince has been exhibiting a few…peculiar behaviors of late, hasn’t he?” Ligur prodded.

Before Aziraphale could refute, deny, or even concede, Hastur answered for him. “Indeed, he has. Tell me, Bird,” he said, turning to Aziraphale with a blade-sharp smile. “Do you know how Demons court?”

Aziraphale didn’t know what to make of that question; it certainly never crossed his mind that courting differed between their two kingdoms. “I’m sure just the same as anyone else.” After all, love was Her creation. It shouldn’t vary so much…

Right?

Ligur gave a thoughtful hum, kettling—but this time, leaving Aziraphale feeling exactly like prey. “Not exactly. Not how you Birds court.” His eyes flashed with humor. “No preamble, no pussyfooting. Straight to the meat of the matter, as it were.”

“The courting itself is a means of gauging compatibility,” Hastur added, circling clockwise to his partner’s counter. “Gifts, usually food and jewelry.” He gave a pointed look to the ring on Aziraphale’s finger. “And other preferences,” he added with a furtive smirk.

The tartan bowtie Aziraphale had eyed yesterday at a shop and found neatly packaged in the middle of his bed suddenly felt tight around Aziraphale’s throat.  

Were they implying—

No. That’s…that can’t be, that’s—

Preposterous.

They must be messing with him. Playing him for a sucker. Ugh. It was no wonder Crowley could barely tolerate their presence. They were proving exceedingly poor company. Still, Aziraphale plastered on a placid smile. “Well! Then it seems our sessions have been fruitful!” His smile widened as the two paused in their movements, a few inches away from a full-on collision. “Crowley is ready to court, it would seem.”

There was a cruel smile etched on Ligur’s face. “Oh, I do believe you’re right, Angel.”

Aziraphale didn’t outwardly flinch. It was the same word Crowley had repeatedly called him; it was what he was, an Angel of the Queen, down to his very core of being. Yet somehow, it sounded so wrong coming from this Demon’s lips.

And he really didn’t want to stay there any longer. “Right. In that case, with the air cleared, please let me through. I do believe we’re running a tad behind schedule now.”

Hastur pulled to the side, the maw of the West Wing entrance left open to him. “By all means, don’t let us keep you.”

Aziraphale gave curt nod of thanks before heading off.

“Yes, and oh,” Ligur called after him. “Send Prince Crawley our best wishes.”

At that, Aziraphale stopped. He swiveled around and marched straight towards the grinning pair. He shook his head. “Goodness, what a noisy lot you are. And to address your prince as such?” He crossed his arms, a bite of authority in his tone. They may be guests but that didn’t mean they had free reign to do as they pleased. “Have you no tact? We’re all working on the same side, here! And your prince is making a noble effort for peace. That ought to deserve some respect from his men.”

At that, the façade cracked, even for just a second. “The same side,” Ligur sneered. “What do you think this is about, hm?” He took a step forward, surprised to find that Aziraphale held little to no fear in his eyes. “Have you no brains, little Bird?” Merely contempt.

“Leave him be,” Hastur admonished. “He’ll find out soon enough.”

The Angel wisely paid little heed to that statement; probably another taunt to rile him up again. “Hmph.” Aziraphale narrowed his eyes but turned all the same. “I bid you two gentlemen a good night.”

“Good night, Principality Aziraphale,” Ligur intoned with a mocking, sweeping bow.

The pair watched as the Angel made his way through the halls and to the Prince’s quarters, his footsteps echoing all the while.

Then, somewhere in the distance, an echoed, “Oh. Angel! You’re here already?”

“Yes, we need to be there by dusk, I told you this already!”

“Ah, right, right…”

Hastur gave a raspy chuckle. “Rather feisty, isn’t he?” There was a cruel upturn of his lips. “I can see why Prince Crawley has his eye on him.”

.

The carriage ride to the theater was a silent one. Mostly because Crowley was sulking at the prospect of spending the next few hours listening to inane singing, earworm-inducing tunes, and approaching yet another Archangel by his own Angel’s design.

For Aziraphale, the ride over was a rather pensive one.

He couldn’t help but replay their words, blood burning beneath his skin at their blatant disrespect and insinuations. But…that disconcerting meeting might have given Aziraphale insight and an answer to all of Crowley’s strange behavior.

But was it true? Was Crowley truly exhibiting courtship behaviors?

Was he ready to take the next step?

He couldn’t tell for sure. After all, Crowley was right in saying that his footmen were a wretched bunch, though they were lenient enough to let him do he pleased so long as he got himself out of trouble. Aziraphale knew that logically, he shouldn’t pay heed to them. Surely, Aziraphale would notice by now if Crowley had been showing signs of interest, signs of love—

He was a Principality, after all.

“Penny for your thoughts, Angel?” Aziraphale turned to see Crowley, once more slumped over in his seat. Goodness, can’t he sit straight for once?

“Careful, dear,” Aziraphale warned with a smile. “In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say.”

He gave a teasing grin. “Brooding, then?”

“What—no,” Aziraphale assured. “Just. Reflective.”

Crowley nodded. “Ah. So you are brooding.” He gave a chuckle at the derisive snort he received in turn. Golden eyes flickered from the Angel’s face to his vestments. “You’re wearing it, I see.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale straightened the bow with a pleased smile. “Yes, it’s lovely. Thank you.”

Crowley cleared his throat. “Think nothing of it. I think I did the tailor a favor, taking that thing off his hands. Really, Angel? Tartan?”

“It’s stylish,” Aziraphale countered. “And I adore it.”

An indulgent smile made its way to Crowley’s lips as he leaned back in his seat, looking quite accomplished with himself.

Aziraphale nearly let out a gasp.

It finally clicked into place. The gifts, the food, the books--! It all made so much sense now. And Aziraphale was frustrated that he couldn’t see it sooner. That he couldn’t help Crowley sooner.

Crowley was obviously exhibiting courtship behaviors to see how Aziraphale would react to it! That way he could gauge how an Angel would respond to the practices before displaying them in front of his intended Archangel!

It was brilliant, really! The marriage of two cultures shouldn’t just be Crowley forced into the traditions of Angels, but a collaboration between two courtship efforts!

It was…decidedly odd. But Crowley was an imaginative and decidedly odd Demon to begin with.

Still… Aziraphale thought. Practice…for courtship?

It was beyond odd—it was mad. But perhaps it’s just imaginative enough to work.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Aziraphale: Pure of heart. Dumb of ass. I’m sorry, Crowley. The light in your sky, the love of your life, is a moron.

Shout out to Binging with Babish’s “Jurassic Park’s Chilean Sea Bass” recipe.  

Also vultures, do not in fact, circle their prey.

I am so sorry for this mess lmao

[mittensmorgul]

It’s incredible to me how much of s14 is... s15 lite, like everything with Michael and his dreams of a monster apocalypse was just the more easily defeated version of Chuck and his dreams of a monster apocalypse.

I’m only up to 14.05 on the tnt loop (or how far I’ve jumped out ahead of the tnt loop...), but I honestly can’t get over how perfect s14 is, or just how much it’s paved the way for s15 and the final showdown against Chuck. We’re truly engaged in the final battle for free will.

But in s14, TFW was still figuring out the details, figuring out how to go from being controlled by Michael to taking control of Michael. Yes, Dean had to experience this for himself, going from “drowning” under Michael’s possession to taking control and containing Michael. It took the help of Sam and Cas to do it, though. He couldn’t have done it on his own. Oh, and while they were all dealing with Michael inside Dean’s mind, it also took Jack on the spot to kill the monsters invading the bunker, or TFW wouldn’t have survived the ordeal anyway. They would’ve been slaughtered while their bodies sat at the library table, not even putting up a fight against the physical threat in the room while they were wrapped up in an internal threat in Dean’s psyche.

Dean’s first struggle once Sam and Cas turned up at Rocky’s Bar? Accepting reality, separating out the illusion and discovering what was truly real. Kinda makes Cas’s assertion of “we are” in 15.02 incredibly poignant now. Because in s15, there is no illusion, no nightmare to snap out of with a clearly delineated border between real and unreal. Exactly as he’s been doing forever, Chuck has leveled up the stakes, taken everything at the core of the narrative and metaphorically brought it from subtext to text.

S15 is playing with the same themes, only there’s no more leveling up after this within Chuck’s story, because he’s dropped the pretense, and the only trick left is to understand what Chuck’s story is, and what THEIR OWN stories are.

Who would they be, and what would they choose for themselves if the cosmic interference really did come to an end. What would the world be like if they truly were free? 

And Jack... is at the center of all of it. Chuck needed Jack gone from his story, because Jack is the “cosmic can opener.” On every level-- from character arcs and all of TFW (including Rowena here, because unlike Eileen, she actually has a mirror narrative with Jack, and fandom’s eagerness to just... shove Rowena aside and replace her with Eileen is a particular point of frustration for me here, in case anyone didn’t notice... Like Adam, Eileen’s return has too much “this is a plot device” around it and not enough of “this is true emotional connection with no overarching manipulation” for me to actually trust it yet... there’s no THERE there, and the show isn’t even seemingly attempting to create it... sorry... >.>) and what they’ve learned about themselves from guiding Jack through his entire journey of existence from nephilim to human to soullessness, to the metanarrative level of “controlling the story” the way Chuck can by changing reality itself, to opening portals between worlds.

And right now, as I’m watching 14.07 (and since I know how 14.08 will go as well), with Jack’s first confrontation with the Empty, and Cas’s bargain with the Empty, and everything TFW (yes, AGAIN including Rowena, because this episode will establish her connection to Jack directly) will do to defy death and Death to bring Jack back. They’ll all need to understand the cosmic mechanisms of life and death itself in order to gain the knowledge and understanding to see through Chuck’s final story and free themselves from it.

Heck, I didn’t intend to add this bit, but apparently I am a sucker for punishment, but I need to say this, because apparently it’s too easily forgotten. But SAM is never set up as Rowena’s “son replacement” figure. JACK is. This is her role in JACK’S story. Rowena is set up, throughout 14.07 and later in 14.14 and 14.18, as Sam’s PARTNER in all the ways that Dean and Cas are partnered in parenting Jack. I’ve been hitting myself over the head all season long trying to understand why people failed to see this parallel setup. Why people thought they’d tanked the entire destiel narrative. And I’m wondering if that’s because the people who stopped seeing it... aren’t parents... or perhaps aren’t middle-aged parents of adult children. Because this... is what being in a romantic partnership with a co-parent is like.

You sacrifice a LOT of yourselves and your partnership for your kids. Especially when your kid is... suffering the way Jack has. But if you survive it, if your relationship survives it, coming through the other side of it can bring you so much closer together. And because this is Supernatural, and we’re now in the final season of Supernatural, this sometimes means LITERALLY surviving Death and coming back, having rediscovered what’s truly important.

The direct line Dean has to Michael in 14.07, the connection activated when Rowena says “archangel” and when Sam says “shaman,” is like the Chuck-Lite version of Sam’s s15 connection to Chuck. Cas’s resulting trip to visit Sergei the shaman was entirely arranged by Michael... manipulation and all. Just like Sam’s nearly dying in 15.07 where Sergei again entered the picture and nearly killed Sam... it’s all just another manipulation (that Cas fortunately learned from the last time enough to have leverage this time around).

Rowena on parenthood in 14.07:

Sam: Somebody is sick, all right, but… Listen, I-I don't know how well you got to know our -- our -- our friend Jack with everything that was going on when you were here, but we've sort of been taking care of him, and, uh, he's, um… Lucifer's son. Rowena: Goodbye. Sam: No, no, no. Stop, stop. He's a great kid. His mother was a fantastic human being, a-a-and he wanted nothing to do with Lucifer, w-who is dead, as you know. Rowena: I hope he's rotting. Sam: Yes, but Lucifer stole Jack's grace, so he's powerless now, and -- and something's going on with him, and he might die. Rowena: Oh, splendid! The sooner the better! From what I know of the father, the world will be better off without the son. Jack: You might be right. We're all still figuring that out. I'm Jack. And I know people have a lot of strong feelings about my father, but I'm --I'm trying hard not to be like him. Sam and Dean, they -- they say such nice things about you. Rowena: They do? Jack: You saved all of us -- from Apocalypse World. Rowena: Well, that's true. Jack: So, before you go, I -- I just wanted to say...thank you.

And, boom. She and Sam are co-parenting now. She never again questions or doubts in Jack. That’s all it took to win her over.

and from the same episode, Cas on parenthood (because parallels are nice):

Castiel: If this "Sergei" has anything even remotely useful to offer, I'll call. Sam: Yo, Cas, wait. Are you sure you wanna handle this alone? Cas: I, uh… I feel the need to do something. And I think Dean's right. We can't afford to overlook any possibility. He seems to be taking this particularly hard. Sam: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he -- he, uh, was pretty rough on Jack at the beginning, and...I don't think he's forgotten. And I know he hasn't forgiven himself. You know, he's lost people, we've all lost people, but, um… Cas: This feels different. Losing, um...a son...feels different.

and in turn, it’s always been Jack teaching them what’s truly important, reevaluating what his own definition of “paradise” could be:

Dean: Well, bait and beer. You are a cheap date. This certainly isn't Tahiti. Jack: You once told me you and your father did the exact same thing. It was your happiest memory of him. Dean: I didn't say that. Jack: It was how you said it. I could tell. I guess my point is that… if I don't make it... The stuff I'd miss -- it wouldn't be things like Tahiti. Or the Taj Mahal. I'd miss more time with you. I'm getting that life isn't all these big, amazing moments. It's time together that matters. Like this. Dean: Well, who'd have thought hanging out with me would make you sentimental? Jack: I've had a good life, Dean.

THIS is what’s truly important. THIS is what TFW (yes, including Rowena) has always fought for. THIS is what they deserve at the end of the story.

This is what they’re fighting for in s15.

[alexmanesairstream]

Okay. Time for my ramblings. You're all free to not read a word of this but I just needed to put my thoughts out there. So. Going into s2, my only reason for watching the show was seeing Alex Manes (bc Tyler is one of my all time favourite actors and also just ALEX MANES). But after seeing the promo and fan chatter before the premier I admit getting my hopes up and becoming a little more open to the entire show as a whole again. I had hoped that s2 would be a huge improvement in terms of writing, consistency, good representation and overall storytelling. Anyways, here’s just some thoughts I’ve had after the first episode if you care to read it. I've left the Malex (and Maria) thoughts to the end bc I wanted to speak about the entire episode first. The Malex part is right at the end if anyone is reading this and only wants to read that part.

Firstly, the episode felt very disconnected. I know there was a time jump but that also left so many questions unanswered.

Kyle and Alex are well aware of the alien secret, so it made no sense that they were in the dark about Rosa being alive and Max being dead. I would've thought that both of them would've been made aware of it immediately.

This may be more of a personal preference but I've always been more interested in sci-fi aspects of the show since I always find supernatural elements on shows to become repetitive and far fetched (yes I know it's supernatural but I've always liked when there was a scientific or logical explanation behind something). Ep1 (and I know Carina said this season would explore supernatural elements and not the sci-fi aspects of it) hinted a very big supernatural storyline which I wasn't too keen on- it just gave off some big vampire diaries 'the other side' vibes. I really wish they would've explores a more unique and original storyline rather than something so repetitive with regards to Max.

Now for the science and little sci-fi parts, I know they're strained for time so there's a lot that they have to leave out but most of the science seemed far fetched or rather lacking any good grounding explanation. I get that it's a show but I would've liked for it to have made some sense rather than the random stuff Michael and Liz would say that seemingly came out of thin air. Especially when they were having their science Bro moments and interacting with substances etc- where are these substances from? What to they do? How did you get it? Idk maybe I'm being overly obsessive over this but it irks me bc I always lose interest when I can't coherently follow a storyline with logic

Rosa being back. I don't have much to say on this. The sister dynamic is kinda cute. I really don't like this weird supernatural connection thing she has with Max. Like I said, very vampire diaries like and it's just not making sense (maybe I didn't pay close enough attention idk). Also, can we get some clarity on her age. She was 19 when she died. So she should be 29 in the present day. But she mentioned something about being the hottest 31 year old when Liz told her to get a license in California. So what's up with that.

Isobel pregnancy : Yeah there's a lot I could say here. I'm assuming they're trying to do a storyline on abortion and a woman's right to her own body which I would be eager to see but at the same time, Isobel being pregnant with her dead abusive rapist's baby seems a lot like it was done for drama (sigh). It also has me wondering how since it was clear in s1 that Isobel didn't want children while Noah did- obviously she may have changed her mind after their reconciliation after she came out of the pod and also bc I accidents happen (do condoms even work with aliens???).

Now for the Malex and Maria part of it:

Since Alex was not aware of Max dying, wouldn't he have then made an effort to speak to Michael again in those two weeks since the finale. I would understand him wanting to give Michael space if he had known about Max dying but since he didn't know, did he just accept that Michael left him waiting at the trailer and leave it at that until after Noah's funeral? That just doesn't make sense to me but moving on

So Michael says that Alex told him he was going to leave the airforce to play music. Lol lots to get into here. Firstly, kinda strange that Alex would have told him that specifically that night in the trailer. Also, I was under the impression that what we were shown on screen was all that there was in that interaction. I don't see at which point Alex could've mentioned him leaving the airforce before Michael had to run out. Secondly, Alex leaving the airforce to play music? That just seems hella out of character and frankly completely unrealistic. Alex has spent the last 10 years gaining different skills, learning new things about himself, evolving and changing as a person. While he may have always had this dream about making music the fact is most people end up studying something or doing something in a different direction than their teenage self wanted. Alex is no different. While he may have wanted to leave the airforce it just doesn't seem plausible that he'd want to explore an entirely new career path as a musician. It would've made more sense for him to go into a career with cyber security and his skills in hacking, coding and programming instead. Also, unless he's got hell money from somewhere it's just completely unrealistic. He's a veteran (there are so many homeless, unemployed, uninsured, struggling veterans) who surely would need a stable income. It just feels like it's some a random storyline to have when there's been no indication of it, and it's completely out of character for Alex to decide to pursue music after 10 years in the airforce when we aren't even sure if he's done anything related to it in the last 10 years. Maybe I'm being harsh because personally I would've liked Alex to pursue something with the skills he gained in the airforce and also bc I rarely believe anyone is the same person with the same dreams and passions they had when they were a teenager. I mean, we all grow, evolve and change and that's okay. I would've really liked for Alex storyline to have been along those lines- taking what he's learned out of something he didn't necessarily want and taking control of who he is with those skills and his future (apparently in order to be a captain and also to be a code breaker Alex would've need to have gone to college while in the airforce). Idk maybe I'm bias bc I absolutely love seeing BAMF Alex Manes and how smart he is when he's working and code breaking.

Hmm Alex has a house. Like an actual house. And not a single person in the fandom knew this. In fact if Carina hadn't clarified on Twitter, we'd all be confused as hell. Literally everyone thought he lived at the cabin and rightfully so. It also makes me question why Alex had been at the cabin the day Kyle was there if he doesn't live at the cabin. But anyways small details. I'm trying not to be petty. I also really would like to know how Michael knows where Alex lives hmmm

I absolutely loved that Alex's first thought was to give Michael a guitar bc he remembers what he lost when Jesse ruined his hand. I am HERE for Alex Manes' kindness and wholesomeness.

Alex has PTSD. He would never be sitting with his back towards an entry point and music blaring loudly while he didn't have his prosthetic on. Carina responded on Twitter saying his PTSD is from childhood and not the war. I can't really understand how the war and losing a limb would not affect him and his existing PTSD at all. But again, I'll overlook this inconsistency

Michael's little confrontation speech to Alex- totally get it. It makes a lot of sense from Michael's perspective. I do however still have an issue with this thing of Alex 'leaving'. The ONLY time Alex actively left was when he enlisted. Any time after that was beyond his control. He was in the military. He had no choice. I really wish we could at some point see how all of this affected Alex instead of constantly seeing it from a one- sided Michael perspective.

And now Maria and Michael. Just a few words. What the fuck. I say all of this as someone who absolutely believes Malex shouldn't be together right now and who is fully on board with them just being friends right now:

- As someone who loved Maria in the first season and as a woman of colour, I fucking hate her storyline and what they're making her character do. It was cringe and desperate and humiliating for her to be running after Michael after one kiss. And also, SO out of character for her. Maria Deluca is her own saviour and would never run after someone who behaved the way Michael had in that ep. She would abso-fucking-lutely not chase after a man and put herself out there in such a desperate way like that.

- Secondly, has she just forgotten Alex exists? This is so not the Maria we know. Chasing after a man for something when he's not giving anything back in return and not even bothering to speak to Alex or attempt any sort of communication with him before she continues pursuing Michael. It makes no sense. I only see the Maria hate escalating at this point and I don't blame anyone for it. At this point she 100% deserves it. It's so so out of character for her not to have spoken to Alex and to continue pursuing Michael before speaking to Alex.

Honestly I've said it since the start- I hate love triangles and this one in particular rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons. I honestly don't see how we can redeem Maria's character after this mess. The whole Michael and Maria thing is just messy (and not in a cool dramatic TV show way), and is for a lot of us straight up character assassination for both Michael and Maria. I'm just so put off by both of their characters. If they were adamant about this storyline, I wish they'd done it and left Alex out from the start (I said Kylex rights!).

In conclusion, it's a shitshow. The show is just all over the place and the writing doesn't seem to have improved from the inconsistencies and plot holes. There's a lot more I could say but this was all I thought about right now for that episode. I also have so many thoughts on what Carina has recently said but I'm not in the right space of mind to address that rn. She's hell problematic lmao. But anyways, going forward, I'm just here for my Tyler Blackburn and watching him kill it as Alex Manes and I'm kinda really excited to see him with his new love interest.

[pug-bitch]

That’s not why I’m staying (4)

Messes, and a small fire

Book: The Royal Romance, Book 2

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, and a VERY steamy scene, right at the beginning (I guess I now start every chapter with some people getting it on :D). This is absolutely NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: about 3,700 (Sorry for the absence of a Keep Reading option - I’m on mobile!)

Notes: This picks up where we left off, during Liv and Rashad’s date (pre-boeuf bourguignon), starting with Olivia’s POV. This chapter is slightly shorter than my usual ones, but I needed to have a shorter one to get myself back in the spirit of writing for pleasure. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA for a couple of weeks, my job is taking over, and writing is a big part of it, so opening a Word doc has been quite the scary experience. But I’m doing my best, and I intend to keep writing this series, because it makes me happy :) Thank you for sticking with me!!!

*****

Olivia’s lips find Rashad’s and capture them seamlessly. She feels him lean into her kiss, as he closes his eyes and lets out a quiet moan. Fuck, he’s sexy, she thinks. How had she never noticed before? Now she can’t get enough of him.

‘Fuck, Nevrakis,’ he sighs. ‘You’re so hot.’

She smirks and kisses him again, all the while unbuttoning his shirt. Rashad’s hands run down her spine, giving her chills as they do. They grab her ass firmly, and press her further against him. She can very clearly feel his hard cock under his pants. The mere thought of it makes her wet.

She can’t wait anymore. They had multiple makeout sessions, endless flirting, and a lukewarm sex session. She needs the real him, now, or else…

She grinds him more and more intensely, until they both can’t take it any longer. His right hand leaves her ass to find the spot under her dress, between her thighs, and he gently pulls her already wet panties onto the side. Breathlessly, she follows suit and unzips his pants, and quickly pulls down his boxers, finally freeing his big cock. He moans harder onto her kiss.

She can’t wait anymore. He teases her entrance with the tip of his cock, but she wants more, now.

Once he’s completely inside her, they both let out a low groan.

Finally, she thinks. That’s what she’s talking about.

*****

Liam can’t stop his eyelid from twitching. The collar of his white shirt is hurting his neck, suffocating him. He wishes he could just run away and never look back.

His encounter with Drake this afternoon did him a world of good. Finally someone listened to him, not in a fake way like Madeleine used to, when she was trying to seduce him with her pretend compassion.

He has his best friend back. They can count on each other again.

Madeleine is wearing a pre-bridal outfit — white everything. She looks so angelic, Liam himself has trouble believing that she really is a schemer, just from looking at her. But when he thinks back of their awkward, forced interactions… He shudders. No more thinking.

Leo pats him on the back. The two brothers smile at each other. They had a heart-to-heart earlier, and Leo perfectly understood that Liam can’t ask him to be best man, with the history that he and Madeleine share. It felt good to be supported, even by just two people.

Madeleine holds out her hand for Liam to take. Together, they walk onto the platform, surrounded by reporters and various representatives of the Cordonian press. King Constantine is already on the platform, and Liam can’t help but think that he hasn’t really seen his father in motion for a very, very long time. Can he even walk anymore? In any case, he’s good at concealing. If that’s what being a King means, well, Liam won’t be any good. He can feel the beads of sweat dangling over his brow.

His father gives him a curt nod. It’s time.

He clears his throat. ‘People of Cordonia. It is with great pleasure that I officially announce my engagement to Countess Madeleine of Fydelia.’ He turns to Madeleine and they offer each other their fakest smile. ‘We couldn’t be happier about the news, and we look forward to the upcoming festivities. In four days, this Friday, we will depart for our engagement tour, which will stop in Rome, then Paris, then London, finally culminating in a trip to New York City. With us, we will have the pleasure to welcome our wedding parties. Please, Lady Madeleine,’ he says as he turns to her.

She smiles and says, ‘My maid of honor will be Lady Kiara of Castelsarreillan. In my wedding party, I will be delighted to count my fellow former contestants Lady Penelope of Portavira, Duchess Olivia Nevrakis of Lythikos, Lady Hana Lee, and—‘ she pauses and Liam could swear she let a slight smirk show. ‘Lady Amara Suarez.’

The crowd lets out a slight gasp. Liam hurries with his list. ‘And my best man will be my longtime friend Drake Walker. In my wedding party, I am welcoming my brother, former Prince Leo, Duke Bertrand Beaumont of Ramsford, Lord Maxwell Beaumont of Ramsford, and Lord Rashad Domvallier.’ He takes a long breath. ‘Thank you, dear people of Cordonia, for your well wishes. We both wish you all the happiness we are experiencing ourselves, and to all a good night.’

*****

‘Well, I guess it’s official,’ Drake says as he turns off the TV. ‘We gotta do this thing.’

Hana nods as she takes a sip of her wine. ‘Yep. Just the thought of pretending to be helpful to that bitch is giving me hives.’

Drake has to chuckle at Hana’s swearing - he might never get used to it. ‘And I have to be Liam’s freaking best man. Which, like… it’s fine, of course I want to be there for him, but—‘ He trails off. Amara meets his eye.

‘You’re nervous about being in the spotlight,’ she finishes his sentence. He nods. She continues, rubbing Drake’s hand in support. ‘I know, me too, babe. But think about it. It’s for the best. We’ll be on the frontline, ready to pounce if Madeleine shows her hand in the slightest.’

Maxwell nods. ‘Exactly. We’ll be there for each other, too. Oh and, after these drinks, let’s all write our acknowledgements to Liam and Madeleine. That way, tomorrow, we can go to the cabin without a care in the world.’

Drake smiles earnestly. ‘I can’t wait. We all need it. You’ll see, Mike, it’s as calm as what we’ve seen of the coast today, but even more remote.’

Michael smiles excitedly. ‘I’m excited! I’ll take loads of pictures for Callie, she’s been asking about where we are. She’ll love that.’

Drake looks to Amara, who is smiling quietly, a sneaky tear in her eye. Without saying a word, Drake takes her hand again, and squeezes it. He knows how much she’s missed her niece. How badly she wants to be a part of her life again. Drake can’t help but imagine Amara’s family visiting Cordonia, coming to the cabin, having long dinners on the patio, overlooking nature… He may not have much of a family —it’s broken, it spans over two continents and three countries, it’s riddled with lies and unspoken things— but Amara makes him want to fix things. With her folks, with his… He wants their ducks to be in a row.

‘Guys,’ Maxwell whispers dramatically, ‘has anyone heard from Liv?’

This takes Amara out of her daydream, and she replies, ‘Oh, not at all. Let’s hope she’s too busy to text.’ She performs a theatrical wiggling of her eyebrows.

Hana joins in, ‘Maybe she’s just too tied up at the moment.’

Michael nods, a cheeky smile on his face, ‘Maybe she needs to remain on top of things.’

Maxwell, a proud look on his face, chimes in: ‘Maybe she can’t talk because her mouth is full.’

Everyone looks on in horror, until a collective roaring laughter takes over the silence.

‘Holy shit Max,’ Amara says, crying with laughter, ‘too far, honey!’

Michael wipes off a tear, ‘Jeez Maxwell, we were trying to be subtle over here!’

Maxwell shrugs. ‘I just wanted to be a part of it, guys.’

*****

‘Please Michael, go to bed,’ Maxwell waves him off. ‘You don’t need to do all this.’

Michael continues to carry plates from the living room to the sink. ‘No, I want to help! Drake cooked, Amara made the after-dinner drinks, I want to do my part.’ He pauses and makes a charming face at Maxwell. ‘Please.’

Max sighs. Why must they always meet like this, in the kitchen? All Maxwell has ever done in here is messes, and a small fire once —Bertrand still won’t let him use the oven—, but these days, he finds himself drawn to this space. This is where he puts plates together for his friends. Even though he can’t cook, he loves to entertain, and while he happily leaves the roasting and chopping to Drake, Maxwell loves preparing snacks and apéritif trays.

Not to mention the late-night cleanups. Which Michael always joins in on.

He chuckles and busies himself with the dishes. He told everyone else to go to bed, that he’s got it. Truth is, he was kinda hoping this would happen. People going upstairs to pack for tomorrow’s trip, and, if we’re being realistic, Drake and Amara probably going upstairs to get it on. Bertrand went to bed a while ago, as soon as he came home, and that leaves him here, now.

Dammit, he thinks. Why did the girls have to put these ideas in his head?

Well, once again, if we’re being honest, the ideas were already in there, but Maxwell was simply burying them under piles and piles of insecurity, laced with unwavering friendliness.

Maxwell had never been the one in charge before —no one trusts him with anything usually, see the kitchen fire anecdote—, but ever since Michael turned up, it had been Max’s pleasure to show him around, make sure he’s okay, and, most importantly, help him and Amara fix their relationship.

He knows Amara trusts him, and considers him like a brother, which is of course reciprocal. From the moment he told her about Savannah, and instead of judging him for keeping that secret from Drake, she helped him come clean, he’s known that she is a true friend.

So, if she herself is telling him that she sees something between him and Michael, could there be some truth to it?

‘Hey Max,’ Michael says softly, interrupting his incessant internal questions. ‘Is your brother ok?’

Maxwell smiles. ‘Yeah, Bertrand’s fine. He’s just stressed out. He found out that he’s part of the wedding party and needs to come on the Tour, and he’s like Drake in a way. He doesn’t like the spotlight.’

Michael nods. ‘I see. It’s crazy how different you guys are.’ He pauses. ‘I don’t mean that you love the spotlight or anything, but you’re just more...comfortable. In any situation. It’s really admirable, actually.’

Maxwell chuckles and turns back to his dishwashing so Michael can’t see that he’s blushing. ‘Oh, thanks, but it’s nothing, really.’ He bites his lip, annoyed at himself for not finding the right words. It used to be so effortless between them, why did the girls have to fill his head with stupid fantasies?

But Michael doesn’t seem to mind. He sits at the kitchen island and starts putting cookies back in their tins, slowly, one by one, as if he wanted to drag this moment for longer. ‘I’m serious,’ he adds. ‘It takes a lot of guts, and a lot of adaptability, to be able to navigate any social situation without too much anxiety.’

Maxwell turns around to grab another dirty dish. He meets Michael’s eye. ‘Well thank you, but I don’t think I navigate that well. Plus, I was born into it, I guess, so I have no merit. Amara, on the other hand…’

Michael laughs. ‘Yeah, Amara has always been good with people. She’s analytic, too, you know. She figures people out really quickly.’ He pauses and absentmindedly plays with a cookie. ‘Like with Drake. You said he was basically the broody type, right?’

Max smiles. ‘Yeah. Not much of a social butterfly, our Drake.’

Michael chuckles. ‘Right. But I don’t know, around her, he seems to light up. Around us too, actually, when I went on the tour with him this afternoon, he was all friendly and talkative.’

Max puts down the last dish and put the kettle on, without even thinking about it. ‘Yeah. He and I have known each other forever. His sister is one of my closest friends. But before Amara showed up, I don’t know, he didn’t really open up. His dad died ten years ago and he really closed off afterwards.’ Maxwell stops himself. Shit, he thinks. That was a really sensitive topic to tackle, why did he have to talk about death right now?

Michael gets up and sets up two teacups on the island. Maxwell joins him while the kettle does its thing. ‘Well, Amara had closed off, too, as you know,’ Michael responds. ‘Just punished herself. Became a different person. Look, it’s really simple, I hadn’t seen my Amara for two years. But the minute I came here and saw her with you guys, with Drake, I knew. She’s back.’

Maxwell smiles brightly. ‘That’s really beautiful. I like that idea —they found each other and allowed each other to be open again.’

‘Right. But not just the two of them. Amara loves you, and Hana, and Olivia, and Bertrand, too. This isn’t just about Drake and Amara’s love, although that’s the obvious part. It’s more than that, it’s a group effort. You all support each other in ways I didn’t know were possible for people who’ve only been friends for a few months. It’s quite beautiful.’

Maxwell lets the silence wrap them both up, until the aggressive sound of the kettle draws them from their rêverie.

*****

‘Guys, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!’ Drake yells out from the front door. He’s been ready to go for a while, but Amara is carefully reviewing her bags to make sure she didn’t forget anything. They woke up very early and had a nice breakfast all together—Hana made a frittata—, and now Drake is loading up his Jeep.

‘One second babe,’ Amara responds, ‘Maxwell and Hana are still upstairs.’

Bertrand comes out of his study, and unsnaps his reading glasses. ‘Well, Amara, I wish you a pleasant stay, and I shall see you on Thursday.’

Amara wonders how someone who is under 35 years old has reading glasses that snap in the front. And are tied by a string that goes around his neck. Even her dad wouldn’t wear that. ‘Bertrand,’ she says as she pats his shoulder, ‘are you sure you don’t want to come? We can take two cars, we’d love to have you come with us.’

He blushes. ‘No no, thank you very much for the invitation, Drake insisted too, but I shall get my affairs in order before the tour commences on Thursday. I didn’t expect to be a part of it, you see.’

Amara smiles. ‘If you’re sure. But please, if you change your mind, call us and join us, ok?’

He nods. ‘Will do. Enjoy yourself, please.’

She squeezes his shoulder and heads outside. ‘Drake, relax,’ she says as she rolls her eyes, ‘they’ll be right out.’ She smiles upon seeing Michael outside, already loading his duffle bag into Drake’s Jeep. ‘Well someone else is eager,’ she teases.

Michael smiles, his blue eyes sparkling. ‘I gotta say, this is super exciting. Living in the city doesn’t give you too many opportunities like this one.’ He hops into the backseat.

Amara throws her luggage in the back and settles into the front seat. ‘You know,’ she says to Michael, looking at him in the rearview mirror, ‘you don’t HAVE to live in the city. From what Dad tells me, you have plenty of offers in Philly, you could comfortably live in the suburbs.’

Michael’s smile falters a bit as he nods along. ‘Yeah. I know Callie would love to get closer to Grampie and Grammie. But--’ he interrupts himself and shakes his head. ‘I can’t bring myself to sell the apartment before I find a place that I can really feel at home in. That’s the only home Callie has ever known. I can’t uproot her unless I’m sure.’

Amara nods and stretches her hand towards the backseat, reaching Michael’s knee. ‘You’re right. Sorry. You know best, it’s not my place.’

He grabs her hand. ‘It’s ok. I know it sounds silly, but nothing has clicked yet. Jorge and I visited this beautiful townhouse in Bryn Mawr, which is perfect on paper. I don’t know, it just didn’t work for me, for some reason.’

‘Listen to yourself. To your gut,’ she says. ‘It’ll happen.’

‘Wooooo here we come!’ Maxwell yells out from the front door. ‘Hana, give me your bag!’

He throws both bags in the back and opens the door for Hana, who makes quick eye contact with Amara before saying ‘Oh Max, would you mind getting in the middle? If I’m not near a window I’m gonna get nauseous.’

Amara has to fight the urge to roll her eyes and giggle. Maxwell isn’t wrong --acting must be the one thing Hana sucks at.

‘Sure thing babe,’ Max responds. He gets in right next to Michael, who smiles at him softly.

‘Alright guys,’ Drake says excitedly. ‘Let’s gooooooo!’

*****

‘Father, is everything alright?’ Liam asks, his fingers still rattling the door to ask for permission to enter.

He is met with a faint sound, emanating from his father, who is lying down on his bed, eyes half closed.

He gets closer, his hands shaky. He’s never seen him like this. He knew he had gotten worse, he knew his cancer was terminal, but he didn’t know just how bad it was.

‘Father?’ he asks hesitantly.

‘Li--Liam, you shouldn’t be here, I asked for no one to disturb me today.’ He swallows, but it’s obvious that he’s in pain. ‘Please go.’

Liam gets closer to his father. He feels like crying, but he can’t. Firstly, because it would make his father feel badly. Secondly, because Constantine has never been one to encourage displays of emotion.

‘Father,’ he whispers without making eye contact. ‘Bastien sent for me. He said you told your nurse to leave, and that you refused to take your medicine. Leo and I are concerned. Tell me what happened.’

Constantine rolls his eyes and sits up with tremendous effort. ‘Liam, this is none of your business. If you must know, this medicine is not helping, my pain is unmanageable. Please keep this to yourself, we’re not here for a pity party. The monarchy is strong, don’t let anyone think otherwise.’ He looks his son up and down. ‘How are things with your betrothed?’

Liam feels a pang in his heart. That’s the only thing his father cares about, visibly, and he’s not about to make the situation worse by opening up. ‘Things are fine. I’m hesitant to go on the tour, though, and to leave you alone here.’

Constantine lets a rare smile show on his face. ‘Don’t stay here on my behalf. Go, do your duty. You will come back here after London and attend the Engagement Ball. I’ll be here.’ He nods decisively.

Liam lets out a long sigh. ‘Alright, Father, as you wish.’

*****

‘Welcome, everyone!’ Drake yells out with a smile, as he opens the front door.

Michael takes in the gorgeousness of the scenery, before grabbing his bag from the Jeep. He shouldn’t feel so relaxed and happy without his daughter around, right? But something feels right around here. No stress, obviously, since he has zero responsibilities, and loving, supportive people surrounding him.

A pang of guilt goes through his chest. He should call Callie. Ever since Sergio passed, it’s been the two of them, always together, getting each other through life. Of course, his parents and in-laws are awesome and always around, but at the end of the day, it’s the two of them, the Hansen-Suarezes.

Drake distributes the rooms. Amara stays with him in his original bedroom, Max and Hana share Drake’s younger sister’s, and Michael is allotted the master bedroom.

‘Make yourself at home, Mike,’ Drake says to him softly. ‘I’ll let you get situated, if you need anything, let me know.’

‘Thank you so much,’ Michael replies gratefully. ‘This is amazing. I’ll be down soon, I wanna check in with my daughter really quickly.’

Drake nods. ‘Of course. Amara and I will be downstairs preparing drinks and snacks.’

Michael puts his bag down and opens it. Most of the clothes inside are too formal, too lawyery, but he notices that Maxwell snuck a couple of outfits in there for him. A note is pinned to a pair of jeans.

They suit you better than they suit me. All yours! :)

Michael smiles warmly. Maxwell never ceases to be thoughtful. He’d have to remember to buy him something as a thank you. Drake could help him sneak out and pick something.

He picks up his phone and dials Jorge’s number. His father-in-law’s warm voice picks up.

‘Hi sweetheart. Is everything ok?’

‘Hi Jorge, I’m doing great, how are you?’

‘Great,’ he says, ‘we’re in the countryside at Drake’s cabin for a couple of days.’

‘Wonderful, dear, is Amara ok too?’

Michael smiles. ‘Doing great, Jorge. You can rest assured, she is very happy here.’

Jorge’s voice lights up. ‘That’s so good to hear.’ He pauses. ‘Callie, sweetie, it’s your daddy. Come chat with him for a bit.’

Michael feels himself regenerate as he talks to his daughter. The conversation is short, it basically revolves around how much she loved going to Dilworth Park with Grampie and Grammy, and how fun it was playing in the fountain. Michael hangs up with a light heart.

He was silly to feel like a bad dad, just because he felt relaxed without her. Ever since Callie was born, he has been a reliable and loving father, who managed to maintain as stable a life for Callie as he could, after Sergio’s death. He juggled all the grueling paperwork, the grief, and the parenting duties, making sure she had enough love, hugs, support, tenderness in her life.

If anyone was good at being a widower, it was Michael. It fucking ruined his life, but he handled it like a champ. Stable in the face of adversity. Always even, only letting his feelings overflow when it came to his sister-in-law, whose grief he could not handle too well.

He had been stable. But not happy.

Of course, Callie makes him happy. She’s the light of his life, and always will be.

But he’d been on autopilot.

Seeing Amara actually thrive as her life got ridiculous and out of control had been eye opening. Maybe he needed that, too. Just for a while.

*****

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