#Mors has me by my wallet

[lanitalay]

Before I Say Goodnight

Chapter 4

a/n: sorry this is a bit late, Halloweekend got very busy. Enjoy!!

Other chapters

Warnings: none

Word count: 2k

“I suggest someone else take her back, she did not have a good time during the flight” Cassian says and flashes you a mischievous grin. His face drops when he sees the far away look in your eyes and the wet streaks on your cheeks “seriously though, can someone winnow her?” “I need to speak with Lucien so I can take her, but I have a few meetings until later in the afternoon” she looks to Mor “do you mind giving her a tour of the house and finding her a room in the meantime?” Mor adjusts her hair and says “of course, we can have a little girls day and get to know each other a bit. I’ll fill you in on all of our juicy gossip” she winks at you. You wipe your tears away and put on a poor excuse of a smile “that sounds great, I love to gossip”. You laugh, kind of, trying to ignore the pang in your chest. Memories of long gossip sessions with friends flashing through your mind. At coffee shops, during phone calls, at sleep-overs before you fall asleep. Amren gets up from her chair “I assume this meeting is over. I’ll see if I can find something in my personal library” and walks out. “Meeting adjourned '' Rhysand announces and the group stands to go their own ways. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, y/n” Feyre smiles and walks out of the room. Mor is waiting for you by the doorway “Come on, girl, there’s a lot to see”. 

“I think this should be your room” Mor opens the door and lets you walk in first. The tour had been… a lot to take in. The house is huge and it’s beautiful but it has about a hundred floors and a million rooms. When you step through the door, you’re not shocked to see a beautifully decorated room with an incredible view to match. Velaris, the city of starlight, Mor had told you. “It’s close to the stairs, has its own bathing room and if you pull this back” she goes towards the curtains and reveals a glass door that blends in perfectly with the wall of windows “a balcony! I think no one has claimed this one because it is a little on the smaller side but if all goes well you’ll be on your way home soon” she smiles as you look around. This room is twice the size of my room back home. The bed looks divine, it is made with expensive looking linens, it has about ten decorative pillows that take up half of the mattress. You sit on it and lay back. Good god, I’m never leaving this bed. “This is the most extravagant bed and room I’ve ever seen, let alone stayed in” months of traveling on a budget had gotten you accustomed to thin mattresses at crowded hostels or questionable spare bedrooms from online listings. This was luxury. From what you had gathered last night, a High Lord is someone akin to a king and by the looks of this “house” Rhysand has the taste and wallet of true royalty. “I can’t disagree, it is beautiful” she sits next to you “so… I was serious about the gossip. There are some things you might want to know about the whole dynamic within the Court of Dreams” you can’t help the genuine smile that comes on “tell me everything”. “I knew there was something about you that I liked” she giggles “ok so since you’ve met Lucien I guess we can start with him and Elain. This is crazy, the poor male has terrible luck. Anyways Elain is Feyre’s sister and quick backstory, Feyre and her sisters were humans but for different reasons got turned Fae a while back. Elain and Nesta got dunked in the Cauldron and that turned them. The thing is that all of us were there when it happened and when Elain came out of the Cauldron, the mating bond snapped between her and Lucien-” Oh this is good. “Mating bond?” “Oh right, a mating bond is something that happens between two people destined by the Mother, as I was saying Lucien just says it in front of everyone and Elain is there like totally in shock. Flash forward to a few weeks later her mortal fiance hates Fae and wants nothing to do with her now and she wants nothing to do with Lucien and then Azriel kind of likes Elain now” she goes on to tell you about how Feyre and Rhysand met and Cassian and Nesta. You noticed that she didn’t tell you anything about her own drama but chose to not acknowledge it. It was comforting in a way that these magical beings had personal dramas and gossiped about it like you and your friends did “those stories are wild, Mor” she nods “we’ve been alive so long that we really have to work hard to keep things interesting” you snort and there's a knock on the door. “I’m sorry to interrupt but y/n, I’m ready to go when you are” Feyre says and you quickly get up from where you’ve made yourself comfortable on the bed. “Yeah, let’s go. Thanks for everything Mor” you quickly hug her and go towards Feyre. “How are we getting there?” you ask, not sure what to expect  “I’ll winnow us, you’ll see” you walk until you reach the terrace where you had landed with Cassian earlier and look at her wearily “this place is warded against winnowing so I’ll fly us out until we pass the wards and then I’ll winnow to the Manor”. As she speaks, wings appear on her back and she holds out her hands for you “it’ll be quick. I promise” you gulp. 

Feyre did not lie when she said it would be quick but left out that it would feel like the world is slipping from your grasp. You feel sick as she puts you down. You rest your hands on your knees in an attempt to steady yourself. “It takes a bit of getting used to” she lets you take a breath and you say “It beats going through TSA”. Feyre nods and when you’ve gathered yourself begins the short walk to the manor. 

Packing up your belongings was incredibly underwhelming. You had folded the tunic you’d been using as pajamas and the dress Vassa had given you and stuffed it in your bag. Feyre and Lucien had gone to the library to talk about whatever it was they had to discuss. You had a feeling they were talking about you and if you posed a threat of some kind, feeling that the offer of staying in the House of Wind came from the Court of Dreams wanting to keep a close eye on you. You zip everything up and descend the stairs to find your hosts and thank them for everything. Walking to the kitchen you find Jurian making dinner “they really take advantage of your talents here”. He turns from where he is chopping up produce and lets out a chuckle “it’s the price I pay for pissing Vassa off”. “What did you do?” you ask but before he can answer a lovely feminine voice interjects “he was being an idiot as usual” Jurian rolls his eyes but does not defend himself. “On that note,” you try to diffuse the tension “I’ll be staying at the Night Court while they research how to get me back home, thank you so much for everything. I think I would’ve been dead days ago if it weren’t for you” Vassa pouts “I’ll be sad to see you go, it was such a relief to have some feminine energy around here, but I understand” she walks over and hugs you tightly “please come say goodbye once you’ve figured it all out” you hug her back. Jurian stays by his vegetables as he says “you have to eat dinner here though, I’m making enough for the four of us and Lucien brought pie for dessert”. Your chest warms. He really got the pie. “In that case Feyre, will have to wait” you beam. 

After dinner and dessert with the exiles Feyre lets you know she’ll be waiting outside while you say your goodbyes. You hug Vassa and kiss Jurian on the cheek. Lucien offers to walk you to the door and you take the chance to say “thank you for the pie, it was delicious”. He offers you a half smile “you’ve had a rough few days, it’s the least I can do”. “Will you come visit?” you ask hoping the answer is yes. Everyone in the Night Court seems nice enough but Lucien, Jurian and Vassa have a special place in your heart. “I’m due to go there for a meeting in a few weeks. You’re always welcome to use your room here as well” nodding you hug him and without letting go say “I’m nervous”. He hugs you back “you’re in good hands, the House of Wind is safer and you’ll have everything you need”. You let go and walk out the door. 

Feyre walks with you until you reach your room “Mor showed you the kitchen and the common areas?” you walk in and set your bag down. “Yes, she was very thorough with her tour” you felt heavy. Maybe it was the flying and winnowing or saying goodbye or the weight of your reality crashing down on you. “Alright, try to sleep, if you need anything ask the house and if there’s an emergency you can wake up Azriel, his room is across the hall”. You remember him from earlier, tall, wings and devastatingly handsome. Historically, you had never figured out how to act around attractive men and during the meeting it was incredibly difficult to focus on retelling your story. “Thank you, Feyre” she goes to walk out and says “I’ll let you know tomorrow when the priestesses begin their research so you can join them if you like”. 

Wait, did she say ask the house if I need anything? You go to ask her but she’s gone. “House? Can I have water?” you ask to see if you had heard correctly. You are shocked when you see a tray with a jug of water and a glass appear on the bedside table. That is the best thing I’ve ever seen. You do your night routine: you bathe, brush your teeth and hair and put on your tunic. You pull the covers from the bed and get cozy. The house turns off the lights and the curtains are open, letting through the shine of the city and the stars. During the day it’s easier to ignore the ever growing helplessness. It feels like you’re drowning in it. Trapped in a glass coffin in between space and time. You feel your throat get tighter and your chest feels hollow and- Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Count the stars, do something. Your mind screams. One, two, three, four, this isn’t working. You get an idea. Getting out of bed and walking towards your bag you pull out your phone. You haven’t used it since… well, since everything. It should be charged. Your heart skips when the screen lights up and you scroll to your photos as quickly as you can. Forty-five percent. You see a picture of your dog that your mom had sent you on your last day on Earth and tears well up. It hurts but it brings you comfort to know that they have each other. Committing the picture to memory, you shut it off and get in bed again. They have each other. They are not alone. Eventually sleep takes over. Mercifully, you have no dreams.

The house had closed the curtains after you fell asleep. When you woke up to a dark room you almost thought you had slept through an entire day. Sensing you had awoken, the curtains flew open and you see the sun above the city. It looks like it’s still early. You put on your dress and go have breakfast in the dining room. Azriel is the only one there. “Good morning” he greets. You fiddle with your dress, suddenly aware of the dirt that’s staining the hem and the way it falls off your shoulder. “Good morning”.

[impossiblescissorspeachpaper]

My Universe

Azriel Week Day Four: romance

This little story has been swirling around my brain for MONTHS and I’m so excited to be sharing it with you guys, finally! It fought me for a while, and I’m still not happy with it but hopefully it brings a smile to your face like it did for me whenever I thought about it :) x

Elriel. 2k words. Modern AU.

Holy fuck Elain Archeron was single. The Elain Archeron that Azriel had had a hopelessly pathetic crush on since forever, was single. She had finally dumped her deadbeat boyfriend Graysen for good this time, and she was coming out tonight.

Wiping his sweaty hands on the thighs of his black jeans before running his fingers through his hair, Azriel willed himself to get a grip. He was nervous as shit, but he was also being a massive fucking moron because nothing was going to happen. Particularly since she’d only left her boyfriend a week ago and Azriel only learnt of the newly-single-Elain-situation just forty-five minutes prior when Cassian had texted him.

He really needed to chill the fuck out.

Sighing heavily, he trudged down the hall to his tiny kitchen and fished out a beer from his fridge. Cassian was picking him up, so a couple pre-game drinks to take the edge off wouldn’t be an issue, right?

Popping the cap, he chugged down half the contents and slapped the bottle back down on his bench top. Assessing the situation internally, Azriel noted his stomach still fluttered nervously. Lifting the bottle back to his lips, he drank deeply, draining the remainder of the beer.

Glancing at the clock in his lounge room, he realised Cassian would be arriving any moment to take him into town for Feyre’s birthday festivities; drinks and karaoke at some dive bar she had found. He hated karaoke. No one should be privy to his shonky singing voice. The only place he sang was in the car, or the shower. Alone.

His phone buzzed as a text came through from Cassian; downstairs.

Grabbing his phone, wallet and keys, and slinging his leather jacket over a shoulder, he made sure to lock his door before heading downstairs to the front of his apartment building.

Cassian’s truck was idling at the curb and as Azriel made his way over he glanced up from the footpath and halted suddenly, spotting someone he hadn’t expected to see. Sitting in the front beside Cassian was Nesta, Cassian animatedly gesturing while his girlfriend rolled her eyes at him, a small smirk fighting its way onto her lips… But what had caused his breath to catch was the person in the backseat. Elain. She looked breathtakingly beautiful, outwardly laughing at Cassian’s antics, her head thrown back and her mouth open in a joyous laugh.

The bastard hadn’t mentioned he’d be picking up Elain too, but it was just like Cassian to leave out important details like that. Not that Cassian knew such a detail was important to him… Fuck. He should have had another beer.

Shaking himself out of his love-sick stupor, he strode down the remainder of the path and opened the back door, climbing into the truck as he greeted the trio.

The entire drive into town consisted of Cassian telling stupid stories, Nesta periodically interjecting and telling them what really happened, Elain laughing and chiming in with her own sly and unexpected quips, and Azriel’s palms sweating profusely whilst he tried in vain not to outwardly stare moronically at the angel next to him.

Arriving at the bar and finding Feyre, Rhys and Mor, Azriel immediately offered to purchase the first round of drinks. Partly to make the pain of having to deal with karaoke for the entire night more bearable, and partly so he could calm the fuck down while in the presence on the middle Archeron sister.

Gods she was beautiful, even more beautiful than he remembered. And she was still so kind, and sweet, and had remembered to ask about his cat. And his job. He had been so blindsided by the entire encounter that he couldn’t even remember how he had responded. Idiot. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was never this scatterbrained around women.

An hour and a half later and about four rounds of drinks down, everyone was pleasantly buzzed and gearing up to make utter fools of themselves with some karaoke.

Mor had already selected I Will Survive, a song worthy of her dramatic constitution. Nesta was arguing with Cassian, explaining to him that she would sooner sprout wings and fly then sing a cheesy Grease duet with him. Feyre and Elain cackled beside them, flipping through the endless catalogue of choices, weighing their options and fawning over songs they each loved.

Azriel watched Elain and quietly marvelled at the way her eyes shone even in the dark and dingy bar. Even in the drab surroundings, Elain glowed like the sun at dawn. She was perfect. Her smooth skin, full lips, sparkling laugh; they all called to him. On some deep, intrinsic level he felt as if he was instinctively drawn to her, like some invisible thread lured him to her. He couldn’t help but be enthralled by this stunning creature.

“Alright, what are everyone’s song choices?” Feyre piped up, her hands clapping excitedly.

“I’m gonna sing something.”

Everyone’s heads whipped around in Azriel’s direction, their expressions ranging from amused curiosity to outward shock.

“You hate karaoke,” Cassian stated, a look of slight alarm on his face.

“I know, but I feel like it.”

Mor glanced at him above the song catalogue, a smirk playing on her lips. “Okayyyy.” She dragged out the word. “What ya gonna sing, Az?”

“My Universe,” Azriel breathed out somewhat wistfully, his hazel eyes glancing over to Elain before quickly averting them.

Rhys eyed him suspiciously, taking a sip of his beer. “The Coldplay song?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, I love that song!” Elain swooned, granting him a beaming smile. His heart somersaulted and crash landed in his chest.

“You can’t sing that song!” Feyre retorted.

“Why not?!” Azriel dragged his gaze away from Elain, his eyes landing on Feyre, looking taken aback by her claim.

“Because half of it is in Korean,” Nesta deadpanned from beside her.

“So?” Azriel’s eyes flicked from Nesta’s face to Feyre’s, both wearing twin looks of secret knowing, their eyes gleaming with mirth.

Cassian appeared as if he was about to burst an artery trying to contain his laughter. “Dude, you don’t speak Korean.”

Azriel just shrugged. “Coldplay. My Universe. Write it down,” he pronounced, pointing at Morrigan with the bottle neck of his beer.

Mor puffs out her cheeks, conceding to his orders and entered in his choice.

A table of drunk bachelorettes sing a few off-key pop songs, giggling the entire way through and wobbling on their heels precariously before Mor belts out her dramatic rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s hit song.

Then, Azriel was called up next.

Downing the rest of his drink in one smooth motion he made his way over to the tiny stage. The bachelorettes whistled and hollered as he passed by their group, but he didn’t seem to notice, weaving around the tables with more confidence that he usually would have exuded in a karaoke bar.

Cassian was grinning like a fiend, whipping his phone out of his pocket and ready to record the entire scene, while Rhys looked on with amusement shining in his eyes. Mor in turn looked like she was about to burst out of her seat. For all the years they’d known Azriel, he’d always shied away from any type of attention. He’d always preferred to be in the background, always happily floated on the periphery. Whatever the hell was going on now was going to either be really, really good or really, really bad.

Azriel came to stand behind the microphone and gripped it in his hand as the opening bars to the song played out.

You, you are, my universe And I just want to put you first And you, you are, my universe and I

His voice truly was atrocious. Azriel sadly was, they quickly learned, completely tone deaf. The bachelorettes didn’t seem to care however as they all screamed, clearly more enamoured with his looks that any singing ability he clearly didn’t possess.

“What the hell is going on,” Rhys murmured, a shit eating grin painted across his lips. His violet eyes were wide, and he couldn’t take his eyes off the spectacle that his brother was currently a part of.

“I have no idea, but this is fucking fantastic,” Cassian responded, angling his phone to ensure he was capturing every minute detail of what would become the thing he would proceed to give Azriel shit about for the next two hundred years.

In the night, I lie and look up at you When the morning comes, I watch you rise There’s a paradise they couldn’t capture That bright infinity inside your eyes

As the BTS section of the bridge approached, they all held their breath to see what Azriel would do. When he mumbled over the lines trying to read the phonetically spelled out Korean words on the screen, they all cheered, laughing and raising their glasses as he seemed to take it all in stride, not caring one tiny bit that he was completely butchering the song.

The chorus rolled around again, and it seemed like half the bar was scream-singing along:

You, you are my universe And I just want to put you first And you, you are my universe You make my world light up inside

Looking at the stage, Mor almost spat out the mouthful of drink as she beheld what Azriel was doing next, seemingly content to just bop along to the remainder of the song.

“Is he…dancing?”

Nesta smirked, glancing toward Elain who looked like she was having the time of her life. “He’s doing something.”

“He’s dancing like…” Rhys trailed off. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.

“Adam Driver on the Sunday school desks?” Feyre supplied.

“Yes!”

“He is going to be in a world of pain tomorrow,” Cassian laughed.

“I think he looks great,” Elain replied demurely, a large smile plastered on her face.

“Of course you do,” Nesta murmured from the corner of her mouth. Mor snorted.

Azriel crooned the last few lines of the song, his voice truly sounding like a bag of cats being swung around, but by this point the entire bar was more than a little tipsy and were drunkenly partaking in singing along to the words.

My Universe My Univerrrrrse My Universe (you, you are my universe, and I)

At the end of the song, the entire bar erupted into cheers, Azriel left standing on the tiny stage panting slightly from his efforts. The bachelorettes were going wild, but he didn’t seem to notice. In fact, the entire room seemed to dissolve away as he locked eyes on Elain, her bright smile calling him like a beacon across the floor.

Stepping off the stage he made a beeline for her, never taking his eyes off hers the entire way.

Realising during his return to their table that Azriel’s attention was entirely on her, Elain’s breath hitched. Feeling emboldened by his performance, Azriel strode right up to her, stopping just a handsbreadth away. Elain tipped her head back slightly to look into his eyes, her long golden-brown hair sliding down her back with the movement.

He peered down at her, his eyes skittering rapidly over her open expression. Elain swallowed audibly as they remained standing chest to chest. So close to each other, closer than they had ever been but still just out of reach.

Clenching his hands at his sides so the overwhelming need to reach out and pull her into a kiss wouldn’t win out, Azriel breathed, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

The only sign of surprise Elain let show was the slight flaring of her eyes, her pupils dilating, the black eating up the molten chocolate of her eyes.

A blush dusted her cheeks. “Yes. I would.”

“Finally,” Nesta groaned, rolling her eyes, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly.

The sounds of their families hooting and hollering were thankfully drowned out by the opening bars of the next song.

*******

@azrielshadowsingerweek​

tagging: @offtorivendell​ @fawnandshadows​ @the-laughing-bubble​ @swankii-art-teacher​ @pagemasters​ @tswaney17​ @sakurakittypeach​ @thefangirlofhp​ @wingedblooms​

[nikethestatue]

Hi! I hope you're doing well! <3

Okay so we all know there are lots of problematic stuff in sjm's books but i noticed that sjm has never addressed/discussed these things with her readers like she never says she will educate herself and hope to do better and such. Like all the authors i know readily address anything problematic/controversial and have a healthy relationship with their readers. But i feel like sjm does not care about anything her readers have to say. Like even her interview questions are always "safe" like she won't ever discuss things like diversity, the scene with feyre's pregnancy, her female characters losing their powers etc... Have you noticed this?

Yes. Though I am a firm believer in authors writing what they want and not being influenced by their readers. That goes for everyone--both authors and readers. Readers should not expect that they will see everything from everyone, just so every box is checked. And I don't think that writers should write it, if it doesn't make narrative sense.

We, as readers, can be unhappy about something, and that's okay. You 'vote' with your wallet. If you hate something, then don't buy the book.

But if an author is telling a story, they should just tell the story. I HATE tokenism and I detest sterilized writing, where everyone is doing everything correctly, where everyone is of appropriate colours, sexual orientation, etc. This whole notion of 'oh, you can't make this person evil because they are ....." or 'you can't kill this person, because they are....." You can kill and maim and do whatever the hell you want to with your characters.

If someone is gay, for example, then it should make some impact on the story. Just to make someone gay for the sake of making them gay, and saying 'well, look, you guys wanted diversity, here it is' is complete BS. Look at Mor. What was the purpose of her bi-sexuality? It's been handled poorly. It doesn't make a whole lotta sense. Logically, if you think about it, it's a mess. For 500 years she couldn't tell anyone about it? For 500 years no one guessed? Come on now. But there it is!

Also, particularly in fantasy, you need to set up your world properly. If say, homosexuality is frowned upon, and is considered negatively, then you, as author, need to maintain that throughout the narrative. Same with race or anything else.

For example, people are battling over Lucien's skin colour. Why? Race doesn't mean anything in that world. There are green and bark-like Fae, there are 'golden brown' Fae, there are some vaguely Asian characteristics in some characters as well, but it's not a race based world. So having pointless battles over art and where someone is a shade darker or lighter, makes little sense, unless that character is specifically described in a certain way--like Tarquin. He is black, with white hair, and blue eyes. That's it.

I don't want to see artists cancelled or abused because they didn't make someone 'appropriately' whatever--particularly if it's open to interpretation.

That world is about power and hierarchy. Not race.

I am personally kind of internally bothered by Leigh Bargudo's Ravka culture. This messed up riff on Russian culture, with incorrect Russian words, names, etc. grates on my ear and eye, because I am fluent in the language. But will I be writing her emails and telling her how to 'do it right'? Nah. It's her creation. I am not reading things so they can 'teach' me about anything. I don't want SJM to teach me about race, I don't want Bargudo to teach me about Russia, and I don't want Armentrout to teach me about polyamory.

We can rage or rave about SJM, but I personally appreciate her not giving into the readers' opinions and desires. Unlike Armentrout, who DID and then was faced with a barrage of abuse about 'this is not real polyamory!!! that's not how it's done!' If someone needs a how -to guide on that, then perhaps FBAA is not the place to look? They can't win, so they should write what they want to write. Same with artists. Am I bothered by some art--sure. But i am not going to go and attack an artist. I don't have to support them in any way, but they should be free to create how they want to.

That's my personal view. No one has to agree with it.

[lovingempress]

Just spent over $100 USD in Genshin Impact fanmerch in the past week. Need to lie down and think about the slippery slope I’m treading

[c-e-d-dreamer]

"are you flirting with me?"

- GWYNRIEL PWEASE 🥺👉👈🥺

It took me so long to fill this prompt, and I am so sorry, but I hope you still enjoy, and thanks for sending :)

Are you flirting with me?

The first thing that hits Gwyn is the sound. The screams of excitement and the whirling of machinery floating on the wind. As they cross the parking lot, the sights start to take shape. The twinkling lights, a sea of blinking rainbow colors. The large painted banner declaring ‘Velaris County Fair’. The groups of teenagers and couples on dates and families alike all bustling about around the entrance.

A large booth is set up to the right for tickets, and their little group joins the queue. Gwyn can’t help but smile softly at the sight: Nesta curled into Cassian’s side and Emerie with Mor’s arm around her waist and hand dipped into her back pocket as they all chat to pass the time waiting. It’s nice to see her two best friends so happy and at ease. As they get closer to the front, Gwyn roots around in her bag for her wallet, letting the others go ahead of her.

“Here.”

Gwyn looks up to see Azriel standing in front of her. He’s holding out his hand, one of the bright yellow tickets between his fingers.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Gwyn tells him.

“I don’t mind,” Azriel replies, the corners of his lips twitching up in the barest hint of a smile.

Gwyn gives her thanks and takes the proffered ticket, offering Azriel a smile of her own. Their group heads inside the fair, taking a moment as they all admire the rides and booths, the bright lights and sounds and the distinct smell of fried fair food.

“Let’s find the alcohol,” Mor declares, leaping onto Emerie’s back as they go speeding off along the line of booths to the left.

“Come on, Nes! Let’s go on the tilt-a-whirl,” Cassian says, pulling Nesta by the hand to the right.

Her friends all vanish deeper into the fair and crowds, and Gwyn finds herself standing with just Azriel. He shuffles slightly in place, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Do you want to get some food?” Azriel asks after a beat of silence passes.

“Sure,” Gwyn agrees with a nod.

They turn and make their way down along the booths and food trucks stationed together in a line, dodging children running around on sugar rushes. Gwyn takes a deep breath in of all the sweet smells, following the scent of fried dough and powdered sugar until she finds the booth declaring funnel cakes. Gwyn’s stomach practically leaps in excitement at the sight and smell of it. She starts for the booth, but notices Azriel has continued walking, so she reaches out an arm, snagging her fingers around the sleeve of his jacket and pulling him toward the queue. He looks down at her in surprise, and Gwyn swears she can see the faintest dusting of pink starting to flood into his cheeks, but Azriel doesn’t say anything as they wait their turn. Luckily, it doesn’t take long for them to make it to the front.

“Don’t even think about it,” Gwyn cuts in when she notices Azriel reaching for his pocket.

“I’ve got it,” Azriel replies easily.

“You already bought my fair ticket. I’m not letting you buy this as well.”

“And as I said before, I don’t mind.”

Gwyn is about to make another retort, but Azriel is faster, handing over money to the woman working the funnel cake stand. Gwyn sends Azriel her best glare, even as the woman hands over the paper plate topped with the funnel cake, the delicious scent filling her nostrils. Gwyn holds the plate out to Azriel but he declines with a shake of his head.

“You paid for it, but you don’t want any?”

“I’m not really a fan of sweets.”

“Your loss.”

Gwyn happily eats away at the funnel cake as she and Azriel continue to walk around the fair. They pass by a booth offering the milk bottle game, and Gwyn’s eyes snag on the brightly colored bears hung around the edges of the stand, purple, blue, and pink. Azriel turns to her when he realizes she’s stopped, a confused expression pinching his brows, before he follows Gwyn’s line of sight. Once he realizes what’s caught her attention, he strides up to the attendant and hands over the money, the attendant setting down the three baseballs along the tabled edge for Azriel to try his luck.

Gwyn watches the way Azriel picks up the first baseball, tossing it gently in his hand as if testing out the weight of it. He stares down the three silver painted milk bottles stacked perfectly, hazel eyes glinting with determination. His mouth pinches slightly to the left, and Azriel takes a deep breath before he’s throwing the first baseball toward the milk bottles. It hits the stack of milk bottles square on, all three toppling over with a clatter.

The attendant raises his eyebrows in surprise, but he steps back forward. “Which prize did you want?”

“Which one did you want?” Azriel echoes, turning to Gwyn.

“Oh,” Gwyn says, taken aback by the question slightly, but then she’s turning toward the attendant who’s waiting expectantly. “Can I have the blue one please?”

The attendant nods and gets down one of the blue bears, handing it over to Gwyn. Gwyn can’t help but smile down at the stuffed bear, running her fingers through the soft fur and along the little ribbon tied around its neck.

“Thank you,” Gwyn says, turning her smile on Azriel.

“Of cour—”

“I’m the strongest man!”

Gwyn and Azriel’s eyes both snap to their left to find Cassian and Nesta walking toward them, Nesta with a bright orange stuffed monkey cradled in her arms. Cassian is flexing obnoxiously while Nesta rolls her eyes, but Gwyn doesn’t miss the small smile her friend is barely tampering down.

“I am the strongest man,” Cassian says again once they’re closer. “Only had to swing the hammer once to ring the bell.”

“You’re embarrassing is what you are,” Nesta teases him.

“Then give back the prize I won you.”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought, sweetheart,” Cassian remarks, leaning down to press a kiss to Nesta’s cheek.

Gwyn is admiring the sweet moment between her friends when her mind snags suddenly on the similarities. The very obvious, in her face similarities. How did she not see this before? She looks at the orange monkey in Nesta’s arms before her eyes dart down to the blue bear nestled between her own hands. Her eyes dance back to Azriel, but she finds him already looking at her, those intense hazel eyes almost sparkling under the bright twinkling lights of the fair.

“Do you want to go on the ferris wheel?” Azriel asks her.

Gwyn blinks a few times at the question, her mind still caught up on the realization from just a moment before, but she nods. They head toward the ride and after a few moments, settle into one of the seats. Azriel’s hands fidget before they settle in a tight grip on the metal bar draped across their laps and securing them in. The way the ride’s seats are built has them both pressed closed together, thighs and arms brushing, and Gwyn can feel Azriel’s body heat. The temptation to lean into it to help fight off the biting wind as the ferris wheel carries them higher and higher is strong, but it does bring Gwyn’s mind back to a question she needs to ask.

“Azriel,” Gwyn starts.

“Yes?”

“Are you flirting with me? Have you been flirting with me? This whole night.”

There’s a moment of silence, and Gwyn wonders if she was too blunt, if she pushed too far. At least here on the ferris wheel, he can’t run away. Gwyn glances toward him out of the corner of her eye, tries to gauge just how shocked he is by his expression, but instead she finds Azriel turned toward her. And instead of shock written across his face, he just looks… nervous. Eyes wide, bottom lip caught between his teeth. Even his grip on the safety bar has turned white knuckled.

“Is it working?” Azriel finally asks, his voice quiet. “I’ve been trying, but I wasn’t sure if it was working.”

Now it’s Gwyn’s turn to feel shock. That wasn’t exactly what she had been expecting to come out of Azriel’s mouth. She just blinks at him a few times, the cogs in her brain desperately trying to turn and catch up to what’s happening, to get her bearings straight. She realizes she’s been quiet for too long, and Azriel’s nervous expression has begun to morph into fear, and well, Gwyn can’t have that. She leans forward across the small space between them and presses her lips gently to Azriel’s. Barely a breath passes before Azriel is kissing her back, one of his hands coming up to softly cradle her jaw.

“Next time, though,” Gwyn says when she pulls away. “I expect a proper date just the two of us. Not whatever weird group date this is.”

“Deal.”

[anystalker707]

I'm here, love

Pairing: Ray x [fem] Reader Word count: 1 916 Genre: Comfort / Fluff Summary: Reader isn't handling it well when she goes with MCR for a tour for the first time, but Ray is always there for her. TW: Anxiety attack

Requested by anon

Tour has been going on for some time already, almost a month, but it actually feels like forever. All the agitation can be really immersive, turning the attempts of keeping track of time difficult, even more since we mostly follow a nighttime schedule due to the concerts. We’re almost always heading to a bar or club after the concerts, so it’s basically falling asleep at two in the morning to wake up at noon or something in the best days. Certainly not the best thing.

Today is thankfully one of the break days in which the guys don’t have any concert and we arrived to the next city earlier than usual, what means we’re lazing around for most of the time.

“…because he’s not here, duh!” Ray’s voice becomes audible as he leaves the bus, grinning as looking back at it and shaking his head after Mikey says something, though I’m not able to understand any of it. Only a small smile remains on his face whilst he approaches me, taking a seat on the ground with me. “Hello, love,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“Hi.” I smile, pecking his lips, and put my phone down.

“What are you doing?” He raises an eyebrow, looking around for a moment like if trying to find what kept my attention until now.

“Nothing, really,” I say softly, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Do you want to go do something? I wanted to, but didn’t want to ask while you were busy with the others.” The thought of interrupting the four’s talk and probably attracting all that attention wasn’t exactly appealing, I’m secretly thankful he finally left the bus.

“Aw, you didn’t have to wait for all this time.” Ray’s eyebrows furrow lightly as he pecks my cheek. “And we could go look for a café or a restaurant, how does that sound? It’s almost lunchtime, after all.”

“Sounds good!” I smile, liking the opportunity of spending some time alone with Ray.

He seems just as happy as standing up and offering me a hand, which I take to help myself standing up. “So, how are you feeling? With the whole tour thing, I mean.” Ray wraps an arm around me when we start walking down the parking lot, concern laying under his apparently normal expression.

I hum, looking away for a moment. “Oh, yeah, I’m alright. I’ll let you know if I need anything, thank you.” I press a kiss to Ray’s cheek, trying to demonstrate my appreciation despite the subject making me tense up a bit.

Ray is more than aware of my problems with anxiety, already having helped me through its ups and downs, and both of us already predicted how the whole tour thing would interfere on it, mainly because it’s my first time tagging alone during one. We already had a hard time before the tour itself – I got too panicked at the whole thing since I barely knew how it would work –, hence he’s been worried and making sure of always checking on me.

Truth is that I’m not as alright as I’ve claimed to be. The tour has already reached my nerves and I can already feel this familiar buzzing under my skin, threatening to intensify, making me lose it yet again. It, however, won’t happen; I’ll not let that happen. Ray won’t even know.

We’re soon walking into a restaurant, the smell of food filling the ambient and, somehow, it feels good and bad at the same time. Not a surprise, since the anxiety usually has me either eating compulsively or not eating at all, so I think my body decided it’ll be better if I stay inside that bus for hours with an empty stomach, right?

We take a seat and place our orders – I balance my choice between something that my body won’t reject and Ray will not complain about, what seems to work.

“Y’know,” Ray breaks the silence between us, “what have you been thinking about watching us live?” He glances at me, expectant. His question doesn’t fail in making me smile since he’s probably referencing how I used to keep bugging him with questions about the tour concerts.

“Awesome, of course!” I grin, letting my eyes fall to my plate as I drag the food around for a bit. “It’s just amazing, I love it, seeing you playing is just…” I shrug, feeling my cheeks heat up whilst Ray breathes a chuckle, but I’m unable to look at him just yet. When I do glance at Ray, he’s grinning. “You know how much I like it.”

“I just wanted to check,” he says smugly – I snort, shaking my head playfully.

“Already regretting bringing me with you, tho?” I raise an eyebrow, finishing to eat and leaning back on the chair.

“Never!” Ray says indignantly, shooting me a look. “I’d have taken you with me before if I knew you wanted it that bad!” He pauses to take a sip of his drink. “Like, I missed you an awful lot and the tours tend to be fun. Though there are a few problems, but…”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I press my lips together and nod as he does the same.

We sit in silence for a moment, only until Ray finishes eating and soon calls the waitress. She grins as coming closer, a block of notes in her hand and a pencil on the other. “Well, you two have ordered for…” she trails off, mumbling under her breath as scribbling a few things down on her paper before grinning and handing Ray the bill; he nods, reaching for his wallet. Meanwhile, the woman looks at me, wide eyes looking at me from up to down with that fake excitement. Okay. What’s wrong? Maybe she’d judging my clothes? Or that I’m with Ray?

I try to ignore the woman, turning to Ray. “Hey, I was thinking we could—”

“Keep the change,” Ray tells the woman as handing her the money, ignoring me. Fuck. “And do you know any convenience store or café nearby?”

The two engage into a conversation and maybe it’s the instability and stress due to the whole tour-anxiety thing or whatever, but I can feel my heart heavy due to it. My plan is to continue there, of course, leave with Ray so we can spend mor time alone with each other, a plan that I give up on as soon as feeling a sting in my chest. I just stand up and leave.

Why did Ray ignore me? What did I do wrong? He got tired or annoyed, perhaps. …Or, yet, I’m just overreacting. Hell, I know Ray wouldn’t do that to be in purpose because he is usually so loving.

A sigh escapes my lips as I glance back and I really want to come back – I would, if I wasn’t so far from there already. It’s the best to just give him some random excuse later.

Holy fuck, but, honestly, everything only went downhill from the moment I decided to tag along.

First of all, I panicked at the sole fact I was going to come with them to the tour then got extremely awkward during a whole week and half, barely talking with anyone asides from Ray – what got Mikey annoyed at some point, what I’m sure of even if everyone denies it. And then we went along with all the minor events, like me being the last one to get back to the bus, almost getting lost in the venue and simply being unable to talk to anyone asides from the band and the staff, among other inconveniences.

Everyone must be more than done with me, to be honest. And there’s still a whole other month before we can go home, I don’t think I’ll be able to go through all of this with the mess I am.

I sigh in relief at seeing the bus and am about to walk inside it when Gerard show ups out of seemingly nothing, looking around, but his attention quickly falls on me. “Oh, (y/n)— Hey, were you crying? Something happened?”

The question makes me freeze, just now noticing the tears threatening to slip from my eyes and consequently making me feel like all of my blood instantly drained to my feet. “I-I—” I stutter, unfortunately simply unable to finish the sentence, and end up just running away from there, going to an isolated spot of the parking lot to calm down. I don’t want anyone seeing me having another attack, make them even more annoyed and attract all that attention.

Air just escapes my grasp, seemingly impossible to continue in my lungs for longer than a few seconds whilst the tears simply do not stop, even if I don’t even want to be crying or anything, fuck off.

I take a seat on the grassed area, under a tree, and bring my hands up to my eyes.

Cleaning my mind is just impossible, I just keep thinking about how everyone is going to be shooting me these stupid concerned looks when I’m back to the bus and how I’m only going to continue being another source of stress to them during the rest of the tour. Ray should’ve just left me home as usual and—

“…(y/n), listen to me, (y/n)! I’m here!” Ray’s voice cuts through my thoughts and I can feel his hand around my wrist, the other one on my back. “Hey, baby, it’s okay. C’mon, breath with me,” he says softly before starting to set a breathing pace I can’t help but to stick to.

Hell, when did Ray even get here?

I’m getting better when my breath hitches in my throat at the thought I’m only annoying him and I can’t help but to let out a weak sob his time. Ray only starts to rub my back. Even if I’m crying, I do feel better than I did earlier, now slowly becoming more aware of my surroundings while all that filled my mind moments ago were these awful thoughts along with all the panic and worry.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper shakily, bringing my hands down to bury my face in the crook of his neck, trying to synch my breathing with his.

“You don’t need to be sorry, love,” Ray says softly, thumb running along the back of my neck in a weirdly soothing manner. “Don’t be ashamed of it or anything, this whole thing is really stressing. Even us had problems with it at first, so everyone understands how you must be feeling.” His voice helps me calming down, giving me something to hold onto to keep myself in reality asides from his touches.

“Thank you, then,” I reply, my voice still tight.

“It’s okay. I do it because I love you.” Ray pulls away lightly and smiles at me. His hands cup my cheeks, warm against them, whereas he wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “And I want to see you fine, okay?” He presses his lips against mine in a light kiss I’m thankful for. “Let me know about it the next time you feel like this, please.” A quiet sigh comes from him as he furrows his eyebrows at me, worry obvious there. “Are you feeling better now?” I nod. “Really?” he asks and I nod again, pecking his lips like if to prove it. “Okay…-“ he smiles, relieved, “-…how about a coffee now, hm?”

[heliosthegriffin]

Dead Knight VIII

Content Warning: Gore and Panic.

The lack of pain was quite welcoming to Jaune as he flew backwards into a wall. 

He still felt all the air get knocked out of his lungs, but that didn’t stop him from getting up on his feet again, the pair of twins watching him as he did so.

“Ah so the rabbit rises,” The one in white said.

“Just in time for us to skin him.” The one in red responded.

Jaune gulped and tried to think what to do, and then nearly slapped himself.

In the most fluid motion of his short unlife he unsheathed Crocea Mors and released his sheath into it’s shield form.

‘Ok, that solves one problem. Now, how do I deal with the those two and their goons?’ Jaune thought to himself.

The goons didn’t look intent on joining the fight, just gate-keeping the exits in the front, and the stairs to the side.

They didn’t look particularly tough, just big guys in black suits.

Well, actually they did look pretty tough, a week ago Jaune would have just thrown his wallet one of them and ran away. But, considering Jaune had already died this week and just got kicked across a room a moment ago some goon really didn’t make the top of his likely to kick his ass list.

He had much more pressing issues, two of them infact.

Those twins hadn’t made a move yet, but that was probable because he just brought out his weapon.

They were probably reevaluating him.

Then the one in red cut across the room at speeds that would make a cheetah call unfair.

‘Block, and put put your weight on your back foot, don’t keep you knees straight or you’ll break them!’ Summer said rapid fire at him.

All Jaune caught was block, before red claws started slashing at him.

Shink-Shink-Shink

The sound of metal scratching off metal cut through the air as Jaune took the hits on his shield.

It made Jaune cringe at the sound and the force on his shield was unreal. How was she so strong?

If Summer hadn’t given him Vigor, he might have already been dead (again) on the floor!

He could hardly move as he was slowly pushed back against the wall. 

‘Jump!’

Jaune did as he was told, as a bladed boot cut through the space where his knees occupied.

He jumped all the way into the ceiling, though. Hitting it with a loud thunk.

‘Jaune push off the ceiling, otherwise their going to have you surrounded.’

“More than they already do?”

‘You do not want to fight two vs one, Jaune. With one at your back and one at your front.

“Alright, I got you.”

Jaune dug his fingers into the drywall of the ceilings, momentarily halting gravity's tug, and then threw himself legs first and forward.

He landed harshly, falling in a heap, briefly twisting his ankle and tear a couple muscles that were fixed by his regeneration.

The twin were immediately on his case as a pair of claws and bladed heel darted at him.

Jaune managed to block the claws, but the heel dug into his chest, hitting his breast plate and denting it into his ribs, breaking two.

Jaune coughed up a load of spit up, miracuoulsy hitting the red one in the eye as she was going for a second attack at his throat.

“Aghh!” She screamed falling back, rubbing the saliva out of her eyes.

The white one scowled at him, then sent him a flurry of kicks in revenge.

Jaune tried his best to block, but her superior speed let her weave through his meager defense. Letting her hit him repeated across the chest denting his armor and 

‘You know what Summer?’ Jaune thought at Summer as he tried to block the blows.

‘What?’

‘This sucks, I bet if I could feel pain right now, I would have blacked out.’

‘Yep. So, how are you planning of getting yourself out of this mess?’

A bladed kick gouged out his cheek. ‘What do you mean my mess! You’re the one who led me to this place.’

‘Eh, lets not get into semantics, now have you tried hitting them?’

‘No! What if I kill one of them?!’

Jaune could then feel Summers sheer confusion.

‘What do mean? Are you joking with me? Cause it’s a stupid joke.’

‘No, Summer I don’t want to hit someone with my very sharp sword, because I don’t want to kill them!’

‘Their Aura will protect them!’

“What in the Darkness is that!?” Jaune yelled out in confusion.

The twin in white hesitated for a second and misaim her kick accidentally hitting Jaune’s shield and with a trail of sparks then cut into the floor.

‘Now, Jaune! Just trust me!’

“Fine, here goes nothing!’ Jaune said raising his back off the floor swinging his shield, which the twin deftly dodged, that he followed up with the momentum created by the shield to swipe at her with his sword.

Crocea Mors had just enough reach to tag her leg, his undead vigor did the rest as the blade hit her.

The edge of the blade was sharp and was swung hard hitting into the White Twin’s aura with a spray of sparks and flash of light, the aura preventing any damage.

It did not stop the momentum behind the attack however, bladed heels do not provide the best footing.

The twin’s legs were hit with enough force to send her into the air.

‘Jaune, get up and go, now!’

“Got it boss!” He said and rose up.

He looked at the suits and brought up his shield as he charged them.

There was brief moment of shock among them. Then they brought out the guns and fired.

Jaune’s eyes widened and brought his shield up in front of him, the bullets sang through the air and his shield like angry metal wasps, but it stopped them.

Then Jaune fell to the ground as suddenly the he felt very light.

He it the floor with a thump.

Jaune really didn’t want to look behind himself, but did anyway.

His legs and waist were separated from his body a pool of blood and intestines trailing to his torso. The Twin in Red looking at him in shock and horror.

“Summer they cut off my legs.”

‘That’s unfortunate.’

“What do I do now?”

‘Um, have you considered death?’

Jaune thought about it for a second and then got were Summer was going.

“Yeah, dying for a bit seems better than this.”

The Twins and the Goons kept staring at him for some reason.

Jaune looked at the goons and lifted an eyebrow.

“So, you guys just going to keep gawking or something? Why haven’t you shot me? I thought toughs like you guys do it all the time?”

The goons said nothing the shades they wore prevent them from making eye contact, but their faces clearly were locked into a mask of horror as the bisected and deathly pale boy just kept talking to them.

“Summer, do you think I could cut my own head off?”

‘Probably, but it wouldn’t kill you. You need to destroy your brain, otherwise you’re going to have to wait for your body to regenerate.’

“Alright, this may sound a little strange, but-”

Jaune didn’t get to finish however, as a familiar bladed heel separated his head from his neck.

Jaune’s head landed on the floor and rolled off into the corner. His head facing the wall.

He opened his mouth to try and talk, but he had no lungs to push air through his throat. He could still feel, hear and see though.

“There, there sister it’s not your fault. I thought he had aura too.”

Jaune could hear the other sister sobbing. ‘Why are they crying, I’m the one who just got dismembered!’

“Look, I finished him off. I killed him, all you did was, eh, uh, you got him on the floor for me to finish him off it’s not your fault.” 

The sobbing quieted but was still audible.

“Alright Miltiades, how about you go back into the car. Micky! Take my sister to the car. Me and the others will take care of the rest.”

Jaune heard the sound of footsteps as Miltiades was led to the car.

A loud clap was heard. “Alright, boys the house has been compromised, I don’t know who that freak was, but if he had any friend or connections, or who knows maybe the cops suddenly decide to do their job, their going to come check out the house that suddenly became a shooting range.”

That got a couple chuckls.

“Now, load up everything of value, don’t bother with the furniture, leave the body too and anything he had, we don’t want to take any chances dealing with him he might be a rogue Atlas experiment or something. So, remember grab everything of value we can and move out, leave me box of fire dust and I’ll be good.”

Fire dust? What are... They gonna do.. Oh shit

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. 

‘Summer they’re going to burn the fucking house down!’

Summer said nothing.

‘Summer, please! What do I, what do I, what do I?!’

Tears started falling from Jaune’s eyes to the spreading pool of blood around his head..

‘Please, Summer!’

Footsteps ran up and down the house, grunts came from upstairs as boxes, crates and tools where taken from the house.

Then it was quiet. 

Then came the the crackle and swoosh of flames, followed by the click of heels and a closing door.

‘I’m so sorry, Jaune.’

That was the last thing Jaune heard before flames consumed him and the house.

They say that smoke is the biggest killer in most fires, suffocating those stuck and keeping them from escaping. A small mercy, perhaps, as it only takes around two minutes to lose consciousness, two agonizing minutes.

For a Servant though? 

A Servant does not need blood or oxygen too keep their brain functional.

Jaune remained alive even as the flames consumed him. He could not feel the pain however, the Vigor still active.

He could feel the flames, the heat, his skin bubbling and melting, every sizzling burn and pop.

His eyes burst out and his face was consumed by the flames.

His very own brain was slowly cooked and began seeped out his nose and ears.

Even still, Jaune aware of it all.

Aware that once he was resurrected he’d feel every ounce of the pain.

In his last moments of awareness, Jaune had a moment.

One moment of emotion.

Hatred.

Dismay.

Desire.

And want for change.

Jaune never wanted to be in this situation again, he wanted to change and not be here anymore.

A light was born.

Inside Jaune’s empty sockets a dim light briefly existed, a light so faint it may not have existed at all, and then it was gone, as Jaune’s skull was crushed by the falling ceiling.

Then their was nothingness and darkness. Jaune accepted it as a warmth enveloped him.

“I am so sorry, Jaune. I am so very sorry. I am so sorry, I’m sorry, please, please, please stay with me. Stay strong please. I need you strong, Jaune. I can’t do this alone....I’ll never let this happen again.” Summer said to Jaune as she held his soul, Jaune unable to respond as he was deep into sleep.

------------------------

Melanie held her sobbing sister close to her as they drove back to the club.

She’d like to say she felt bad about what happened, but she really didn’t. He was just another face to the many live she had taken.

It was an accident really, they hadn’t meant to kill the guy. They just thought from the ways he was dressed and that sword he was either a beacon reject or maybe a runaway from Signal, nothing they couldn’t handle as long as he wasn’t on Cow-Tits level, especially with the boys helping.

They just wanted to rough him up a bit and give him a bit of scare, threaten him little, that if he said a word about their warehouse that they’d kill his family or something. That usually got most people to shut up, if not, she’d have just have to get creative again.

Why he was in the Xiong Clan’s warehouse Melanie hadn’t the faintest idea, how he got in was better question as they had the best locks they could afford on their. Shit she forgot to get the locks off didn’t she. Oh well.

Anyway, It didn’t matter if that kid knew something or not, it was about sending a message.

The Xiong Clan is not weak and will not be fucked with.

And after Cow-Tits rampage, they couldn’t afford to take chance with somebody who managed to get into their warehouse.

She felt her sister stir against her shoulder and rise, showing puffy red eyes and tears. She looked a damn mess, she make sure no one saw her like this when they got back to the club, she’d take her up to their room and made sure she went to sleep.

Melanie pulled her sister against her chest and let lie there stroking her head.

“It’s not you’re fault, it’s not you’re fault Mils, and we are going to get through this together, alright?”

Miltiades said nothing but weakly nodded.

Melanie wanted to sigh, but held it back. Despite being the younger twin, she felt like she was the more mature one.

Miltiades was always the more emotional one. Not that many people would notice, considering the lack of friends and family they had. She was always the one to cry at soap operas, the one to make sure the boys were taken care of, and the first one to help anybody who got assaulted at the club, sexually or otherwise. She cared for the Club and the Xiong Clan, she was the velvet glove to her iron fist underneath. Even if she wasn’t that expressive. 

Miltiades had killed before, sure. But, it had always been in self-defense of herself or the club. Easily justifiable. That why Melanie had told Junior she’d shove his ball up into his lower intestine if he tried to rope Mils into the darker elements of the clan.

Melanie, though? She had no problems what so ever with hurting anybody for any reason, so long as it involved protecting The Xiong Clan’s interest. The Clan was her life and her blood, it was her purpose in life to defend it and her sister.

“Everything is going to be fine Mils, it’s all over, and we’re never going to think about this again.”

AN: Famous last words before tragedy struck. It got dark again didn’t it? Shit, I mean I was writing trying to think who I wanted this to go, but then I realized that these guys are criminals, and was like huh this could further my agenda. Anyway, Jaune gained his ability this chapter, what it is will be explored later. I’m using a power system similar to Zombie Knight, but modified to suit Remnant. Even though it’s just because I don’t want to look up a bunch of chemisty facts.

Next part is going to be pretty dark too

[theladyofdeath]

Alone in the Ashes {10}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click >  Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I figured two chapters in one night is okay since, you know, it’s short....and everyone should go to bed sad.

Comment to tell me what you think, or to be tagged! x

“He left bloody fingerprints on the rock, but there was something satisfying about that. I was here. I exist. I’m alive, because I bleed.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, Blue Lily, Lily Blue

Rhysand sat in the quiet interrogation room. 

At least they had uncuffed him.

He’d been sitting there, in the silence, running on pure adrenaline for at least forty minutes. He wanted to call Feyre, but even if he had his phone, they would have taken it from him.

On the ride to the station, no one answered his questions. And he had asked a lot of them. Eventually, he had given up and let the nature of things take its course. 

The door to the white, nearly empty room opened and Beron Vanserra walked in. Rhysand said nothing as he sat in the chair opposite of him.

“Rhysand,” Beron began, and cleared his throat. “Tell me why you’re here.”

Rhysand blinked. “Surely you’re aware, because I sure as hell am not.” 

Beron nodded, face grave. “Look, Rhys,” he began, using that old, familiar nickname. “We got a call-”

“From Tamlin?” Rhysand guessed. “Beron, you’ve known me since I was five. Alright? You know my character. I’m not some dumbass teenager who gets high in his mom’s basement then thinks it’s fun to go spraypaint dicks on historical landmarks.”

Beron rubbed his temples. “Rhysand-”

“For fuck’s sake!” he said, unable to keep his cool. “I just get home from work, get handcuffed and dragged out of my fucking apartment - while my girlfriend and the entire fucking neighborhood watches, might I add - for what?” Rhysand shook his head. “Because Tamlin’s rich and his daddy has a lot of power? Because that’s my fucking guess.” 

“Rh-”

“If you’re going to interrogate me, I have nothing to say. I was at work all day, every day, and when I’m not at work, I’m at home with Feyre-”

“Rhys, if you do not stop talking, I will have an actual reason to throw you in jail,” Beron snapped.

Rhysand blinked, and closed his mouth.

“Thank you,” Beron hissed. “Now, I’ve talked with the officers that picked you up.”

Beron hesitated, and Rhysand was certain it was the only time he had ever seen the man hesitate.

“You were always a good friend to Lucien before he moved away,” Beron said, voice quiet, “and because of that, I won’t lie to you, but if you tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, and I lose my job, I will find a reason to lock you up.”

Rhysand’s jaw went stiff.

He nodded.

“You and Tamlin have never gotten along, I understand that,” Beron went on, and Rhysand stilled. “And as you said, he hails from a powerful family - one that owns this force and half of everything else in this city. Unfortunately, Rhys, whatever you’ve done recently to piss Tamlin off, he’s vengeful. As far as the police go, I’ll do what I can to set matters straight, but this isn’t the only thing he’ll try.”

With a muttered curse, Rhysand shook his head.

“Now,” Beron said, tossing a plastic bag on the table with Rhysand’s wallet in it that was taken from him when he entered the station, “go home.”

He snatched the bag from the table and pushed back the metal chair, which screeched along the tile. 

“Thanks,” Rhysand said, as he and Beron walked toward the door.

Beron gave him a curt nod. He’d always been a hard man, unreadable, but Rhysand appreciated his honesty. 

“Need a ride home?” Beron asked.

Rhysand shook his head. “I’ll take the bus, thanks. Can I use the phone, though?”

He made a quick call to Feyre before he left, promising to be home soon and to explain everything when he got there.

Beron said nothing more as he and Rhysand parted ways. He exited into the station lobby before ending up in the steps out front. The streetlights were on as the sun had completely disappeared.

He was so fucking tired as he slumped down the steps and down the sidewalk, towards the bus stop.

He couldn’t wait to get home.

But he didn’t even make it to the bus stop before someone grabbed him by the elbow.

Rhysand didn’t have the chance to turn around before he was knocked in the back of the head, and everything went black.

~~~~~

Feyre paced back and forth as Mor, Azriel, and Amren sat on her couch, Mila asleep on Mor’s lap. Rhysand had called Feyre from the police station, telling her he’d be home in thirty minutes, tops, and he’d explain when he arrived, but that had been over an hour and a half ago.

“I don’t understand,” Feyre said, shaking her head. “I don’t fucking understand.” She had googled for news stories after Rhysand left. There was nothing on any vandalism done to the chapel. Amren had even stopped there on her way over and confirmed it. 

“I wish you’d at least try to relax,” Amren said, calmly. “It won’t do Rhys any good if you have a panic attack.”

She had already cried and gotten pissed off. Now, Feyre was just worried. 

“At least let me get you something to drink,” Mor said, patting Mila softly on the back.

Azriel was the only one who hadn’t said a word since he’d arrived. 

“He doesn’t have his phone?” Mor asked, for the third time, when Feyre didn’t answer.

Feyre shook her head. “It’s in the kitchen.”

The front door burst open and everyone’s eyes shot to the entryway.

Cassian strode in.

Nesta at his heels.

Feyre froze.

“Sorry,” Cassian said, walking to Feyre and taking her face into his hands. “I came as soon as I got the message. You alright?”

Feyre shook her head before stepping back and looking at Nesta. “Why are you here?”

Nesta didn’t answer. She showed no emotion as she sat in the armchair in the corner. 

“She was with me at the garage,” Cassian said, softly. “What happened?”

“Cops came in,” Amren began, “arrested Rhys for vandalism that never happened.” 

Cassian’s brows scrunched together. “That makes no sense.”

“Obviously,” Mor said, sighing, “which is why we’re all sitting here looking confused as shit. Doesn’t help that he said he’d be here an hour ago and, as you can see, he’s not.” 

Amren was looking back and forth between Cassian and Nesta, but as she opened her mouth to say something, Cassian shot her a look and shook his head. 

Feyre’s hands raked through her tangled hair. She kept going back to the same thought, the same man. Rhysand didn’t have enemies, just one. “It was Tamlin. I know it was Tamlin.”

Azriel looked up at this, and Feyre saw the wheels moving inside of his mind. Feyre had sounded certain, and Azriel had never doubted her. “What’s his number?”

“What?” Feyre breathed. “No, you’re not calling-”

“No, I’m not,” Azriel said, words clipped, “but give me his number.”

She did so, and Azriel fiddled on his phone for a few minutes. As he concentrated on whatever it was he was doing, Feyre felt like she was going to puke. The rest of the room sat in tense silence.

Nesta included. 

As the minutes passed, which Feyre felt lasted far too long, Azriel didn’t give much away, but then he froze. “Fuck.”

Cassian was instantly turning around. “What?”

But Azriel was already on his feet. He looked to Mor. “Take Mila home, put her to bed.”

Mor nodded, no questions asked.

“What’s going on?” Feyre asked, that panic returning in the pit of her stomach.

“Stay here, keep your phone on,” Azriel said. “Cass and I are going for a drive.”

“Azriel,” Feyre begged, hurrying after him.

He stopped at the door to pull on his shoes. “He’s sitting in the middle of nowhere, near the forest on the other side of town. Either he’s looking for a fight or he’s fucking some poor girl in the backseat of his car.” 

Feyre froze, and paled.

“Cass and I are going,” Azriel repeated, his voice calm. Cassian was already throwing open the door. “I’ll call.”

Feyre nodded, but by the time she had, they were already gone.

~~~~~

Rhysand woke up to nothing but darkness.

His head hurt like shit. He was dizzy. He was stuck in a compact compartment, the world moving around him.

He was in the trunk of a car. 

A small one, he imagined. He couldn’t move, at all, his body, tall and lean, scrunched together and lying awkwardly. 

He didn’t know how long he’d been out.

Didn’t know where he was.

Didn’t know who had him. 

He didn’t have to wait for long, though, because the car came to a screeching halt. 

Rhysand jolted in the trunk, hitting every inch of his body against something.

Didn’t help his headache.

A minute later, the trunk opened and Rhysand was staring into the eyes of Eris Vanserra. 

He took Rhysand by the collar and dragged him out of the trunk. The second Rhysand’s feet hit the grass, he felt like he was going to fall over.

His head.

His vision was blurry. 

“It’s been a while, Lunasa, hasn’t it?” Eris crooned, forcing Rhysand down on his knees before jamming something hard into Rhysand’s side.

He grunted, trying to keep his vision steady. 

Rhyasnd saw a gleam in the side of his eye, the moonlight reflecting off metal.

He’d been hit with the hilt of a knife.

Let’s hope I don’t get the other end.

The driver’s side door opened and he got out, his hair cut shorter than Rhysand remembered, but still that bright, golden hue. He could be seen from a mile, even in the darkness. 

Tamlin said nothing as he walked, slowly, to where Eris had Rhysand. 

He stopped in front of them and tilted his head. “Second time I’ve seen you get your ass kicked recently.”

Rhysand said nothing.

Instead, he fought to get up, but didn’t get far.

A long blade snuck up beneath Rhysand’s chin, against his neck.

Rhysand stilled.

Tamlin shook his head. “Did you enjoy your run in with the law?”

Rhysand stayed quiet. 

“I thought it’d be pretty funny,” Tamlin grinned. “Turns out, I was right. Anyway, I won’t keep you long. Just wanted to talk.”

Rhysand scoffed. “I have a phone.”

“This is much more interesting,” Eris said, from over his shoulder. “For us, anyway.”

Prick.

Tamlin went closer to Rhysand before he said, “Feyre promised me you two weren’t together, that you weren’t the reason she left, but she forgets that I know a lot of people in this city, as does my father. It seems you two are closer than ever lately.”

Rhysand grinned. “Stalking us? Surely you have better things to do.”

Tamlin’s eyes hardened. “How long has she been whoring around in your bed, Rhys?”

Rhyasnd didn’t answer, but his eyes flared. The minute Rhysand tried to move toward Tamlin, the blade pressed into his neck. 

Rhysand could feel a streak of blood trailing down his neck as he spat at Tamlin’s feet. 

Tamlin didn’t seem bothered, though, as he said, “You didn’t answer my question. Has it been a few months? A year? Has it been going on all along and I’ve just been there to get her nice things and take her nice places, because you sure as hell can’t on a waiter’s salary.” 

“Fuck you,” Rhysand said, lifting his chin, his vision blurring, once more, as the pounding in his head returned at the faint movement. 

“Tell me!” Tamlin screamed, his voice echoing in the silence of the abandoned street. “Feyre has been mine since high school, and then she leaves without feeling any sort of guilt and goes straight to you, her lowlife lover, and that’s not a coincidence.”

Rhysand, despite feeling the need to pass out, laughed. “She left you because you’re a fucking cunt, Tamlin! You’re possessive, and manipulative, and make her feel like shit about herself. She didn’t feel guilty because she was so fucking tired of your bullshit!” 

Rhyand screamed the words so violently that the blade Eris was holding pressed tighter against his skin. 

Tamlin didn’t react, though. He simply looked at Eris, and nodded. 

The blade was removed from Rhysand’s neck, but the moment Rhysand let out a breath, Tamlin had kicked him in the abdomen.

Clutching his stomach, Rhysand fell forward as Tamlin’s boot met Rhysand’s knee, then his side, his back. He could hear his nose break, but couldn’t convince his hands to reach up, to try and stop the blood. Tamlin’s boots made contact over, and over, and over again.

Rhysand didn’t bother to fight.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t move.

For the second time in a matter of months, Tamlin had caught him off guard and weakened him - the only way Tamlin knew how to win was to play dirty, and he was good at it.

His eyes fluttered shut as he heard the car engine turn on.

Rhysand’s world was dark before they even drove away.

~~~~~

Cassian and Azriel were driving with their windows down, speeding down the road where Azriel had tracked Tamlin’s phone.

They hadn’t seen a car in a while, but that didn’t mean anything. If anything at all, it meant that it was the perfect place to kick somebody’s ass.

“Anything?” Azriel called from behind the wheel, eyes scanning the road.

Just as Cassian was about to say no, he stopped himself. “Fuck- stop!”

Azriel slammed on the breaks, his truck sliding before it came to a complete stop. Cassian was already unbuckled and throwing open the door, though, before Azriel had even put it in park. He hurried to the shoulder, at the limp body that laid there. 

Azriel came up behind them, face paled. “Fuck.”

Cassian was on his knees, rolling Rhysand over. He pressed his cheek against his chest, felt his pulse. “Breathing is okay. Come on, let’s get him up.”

With Azriel on one side and Rhysand on the other, they carried Rhysand into the backseat of Azriel’s truck. He was completely unconscious. In the light, he hardly looked like himself. His nose was bloody, definitely broken, his eyes swollen, his neck cut. A dark, black and blue bruise covered the faint one that had just about healed, on his cheekbone. 

“Shit,” Cassian breathed, and met Azriel’s gaze.

There were very few times Cassian had seen Azriel’s murderous gaze.

This was one of them. 

“Let’s get him to the hospital,” Azriel said, pulling up the hem of Rhysand’s torn shirt, his eyes hardening at the discoloration. “Make sure he doesn’t have any internal bleeding.” 

Cassian nodded before hopping back into the truck. The minute Azriel sped off, Cassian pulled out his phone.

Calling Feyre, hearing her heartbreak, was the last thing he wanted to do.

~~~~~

Feyre couldn’t stop herself from crying. “Okay, I’m-I’m on my way, I’ll meet you there.”

She hung up the phone, turned to the others.

Amren and Nesta were already on their feet, Mor clung to Mila, still asleep, on the couch. 

“They’re taking him to the hospital. He…...They’re taking him to the hospital. I have-I have to go to the hospital.” 

“Give me your keys,” Nesta said, instantly.

Feyre shot her a glare. “Why.”

“Because you’re in no condition to drive,” she explained. “I will bring you.”

Feyre hesitated, but nodded.

“I’ll come, too,” Amren said, then looked to Mor. “Go home, put her to sleep, we’ll call as soon as we hear anything.”

Eyes weary and lined with silver, Mor nodded.

The three of them piled into Feyre’s little car, Nesta behind the wheel. She wasted no time starting it up and pulling out of the parking lot.

Feyre couldn’t stop trembling, couldn’t stop panicking, couldn’t stop sobbing.

Amren reached up from the back seat and put her hand on Feyre’s shoulder. 

“It’s my fault,” Feyre sobbed. “It’s my fucking fault.”

“It’s not your fault that Tamiln’s a hateful prick,” Amren said. 

Nesta stayed quiet, but she drove, quickly, through the city. 

Feyre screamed, loudly, deafening.

No one stopped her. 

They couldn’t go to the police, couldn’t say anything. It would just be brushed under the rug. Feyre felt helpless. Feyre felt sick. Feyre was terrified of getting to the hospital, terrified of seeing Rhysand in pain because of her faults. 

Because of her past. 

By the time Nesta pulled into the hospital’s parking lot, Feyre could hardly breath. Nesta looked in the rearview mirror and caught Amren’s eye. “I’ll drop you both off at the door?”

Amren nodded, and when Nesta pulled up to the doors, Amren got out, and waited for Feyre, but Feyre couldn’t move. 

She looked at Nesta.

Her oldest sister was already watching her. For once, her eyes were not hard, emotionless. She gave Feyre a nod of encouragement.

Feyre got out of the car.

Hand in Amren’s, they walked into the hospital. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

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Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control Chapter Two

here’s chapter two... unfortunately had to repost these first three chapters bc Tumblr deleted them or something!! 

TWO

“Feyre. Have you done any work for the past hour we have been sitting here?” 

Elain’s voice barely managed to penetrate my thoughts. I looked down at my textbook and shook my head. I had very bad cases of a hangover and a sour stomach. And embarrassment. And a broken heart. 

Thriving.

“Will you please just talk to me?” 

I’d met Elain at the library an hour ago, both of us planning to get some serious homework done before the week got started. I’d managed to tell Elain a little of what had happened last night but she hadn’t pried until now. 

“I don’t think I can talk about it.”

She huffed out a breath. “Feyre. If anyone knows what it feels like to have a broken heart, it would be me. So maybe I could help if you’d just talk to me.”

That’s right. Elain’s ex-boyfriend, Grayson, had broken up with her unexpectedly over the summer. Elain, positive he would be the man she married, and subsequently being denied admissions to the nursing schools she was trying to get into for grad school, had been in bad shape for a couple of months. I wasn’t sure if she was really okay now, or if she was just better at hiding it. She’d attended Mortal University for her undergraduate degree and had wanted to stay there for her masters--and hadn’t gotten in. Luckily she’d applied to Prythian’s school and had been accepted, but it wasn’t where she had wanted to end up at all. Away from her friends and our father, she’d started nursing school at the same time I’d started my sophomore year and I was pretty sure I was her only friend. 

Looked like she was my only friend, too. 

I sighed. Then explained. Tamlin and Ianthe all over each other. My public humiliation. And Rhys, unexpectedly driving me home and taking care of me, which was probably the most unexplainable part of the entire night. I hated it, but Tamlin’s behavior had hurt me but not surprised me. I’d barely said two words to Rhys the entire time I’d been at Prythian. We had a big swim team, about sixty people strong. Rhys and his friends--Cassian, Amren, Azriel, and Mor--were all in the middle distance group. Tamlin and Ianthe were sprinters. I swam distance, for the most part. The different training groups and large numbers made it difficult to bond with every single team member, so I didn’t know Rhys or his group at all. 

“Are you talking about Rhysand Night? That boy is hot.”

I did a double-take. That was a very brazen statement coming from Elain. “When have you ever even seen him?”

She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been to your swim meets, you know. It’s easy to tell who has the best body and face from the stands.”

I groaned. “He saw me puke, Elain! I drunkenly poured my heart out to him. He must think I’m some kind of idiot. And now I am friendless on the team. Friendless. Especially after Rhys tells all his friends how pathetic I am.” I leaned over and put my face on my textbook. “I should quit now and cut my losses.”

Elain whacked me on the arm. “You most certainly will not quit! That beautiful boy was just--”

“Feyre?” 

I stilled. If I hadn’t recognized that voice last night, I definitely did now. Positive my cheeks were a flaming red, I slowly sat up. 

“Hey, Rhys,” I said meekly, my hand coming up in a very awkward wave. I shoved it back down.

“You ladies talking about beautiful boys? Surely no one around here, right?” He asked smoothly, folding his arms and leaning against a bookshelf.

Thank God Elain blushed for me. “Nobody you’d know.” 

He raised his brows and I prayed he hadn’t heard anything else. “Hey, I was going to text you. . . Then I realized I didn’t have your number. You left your wallet in my car last night… I didn’t find it until this morning. It’s in my backpack. I can go grab it and bring it to you.” 

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even realized it was gone. “No, no, I’ll come with you. You don’t have to make another trip.” And ignoring his protests I jumped up and took off through the shelves. For some reason, I didn’t want him anywhere near Elain when she was casually throwing about the word “beautiful.” I scoffed. He wasn’t that attractive.

I was halfway through the stacks when I realized I didn’t actually know where I was going. “Uh…” 

“All my friends are over there. Are you sure you don’t want me to just grab it for you and bring it to you here?” 

I stopped in my tracks. I had the feeling he knew I wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone right now. A mood I had been in for the past few months, but. . . I blew out a breath.  “Um. Yeah. Thank you.”

He squeezed past me, and for a moment I found myself so close to him I could feel his body heat as he turned and sidestepped through the narrow space between me and the shelves. I could have sworn he was holding his breath as he passed, and I had to crane my neck to see his face. Our eyes met. I shivered.

Then he was gone. I blew out another breath and slumped against the shelf behind me. What was wrong with me? I’d been broken up with Tamlin for less than twenty-four hours and I was already noticing other guys. Disgusted with myself, I stared at the titles across from me. 

Rhys was back in less than a minute, my wallet in his outstretched hand. I took it from him, taking extra care not to brush his hand with mine. “Thanks.” 

I made to turn around and return to the safety of Elain’s aura when he reached out and brushed my shoulder. “Are you doing okay? You know, after everything?”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Rhys. You already made sure I got home okay.”

He crossed his arms. “Yeah but I’d kind of be an asshole if I didn’t at least check in. Now tell me. Are you okay?”

His gaze didn’t falter from mine as he looked at me. His gorgeous face was serious. He was really asking. He wanted a genuine answer. Good or bad, he wanted to know. 

“No.” 

And when I turned around, he let me go.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Elain and I spent six hours in the library and I skipped out on the girls’ team dinner, claiming I had homework. I spent the evening locked in my room, dreading the inevitable moment when I ran into Ianthe, who was, after all, my roommate. Bitch, I muttered under my breath. 

It was eight o’clock and I had no plans for the rest of my evening, so I changed into my pajamas and flopped on the bed. Fully prepared to spend the night binging a TV show, I retrieved ice cream from my fridge and got under the covers. An hour into The Witcher, I got a text.

Rhysand Night: You’re going to practice in the morning, right?

I frowned. He was clearly texting the wrong person. And how did he have my number?

I opened the text and discovered that he had texted his phone from mine last night… 

Me: I was planning on it

Rhysand Night: Just checking. I know you may not feel like going right now, but I don’t want to see you getting in trouble

Being a part of a college level swim team meant twenty hours of training a week. Practice at 5:30 in the morning most weekdays and again in the afternoon. I didn’t know why Rhys felt the need to check on me--missing practice meant getting chewed out by the head coach. If you missed more than one practice, you got suspended. No way would I blatantly take that risk.

Me: I’ll be there

I shut off my phone and went to bed.

----------------

I barely dragged myself out of practice the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. For two weeks after Halloween, I ignored Ianthe as much as humanly possible. She made no attempt to apologize. Tamlin had even kept his distance. I showed up at practice, swam (albeit poorly), went to class, went to practice, and went home. I was reaching new levels of anti-social. Elain was busy with study groups and classes and Nesta wouldn’t be in town for another week. She worked as a flight attendant and split her time between our father's and her and Elain’s shared place.

I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything besides school and swim. The fact that I had wasted a year of my life on Tamlin Spring was tearing me apart from the inside out. And breaking up with him had made me realize all of the things I had wasted my life on for the past year. Why was I pursuing a degree in exercise science when I loved literature and art? Why had I put all my effort into one friendship with a bitch who had stabbed me in the back at her first opportunity? I had no other friends on the swim team I had chosen during my recruitment process, thinking it was the “place for me.” I was in the wrong place, had chosen the wrong people, and was aiming for the wrong future. The worst part was, it was all my fault. My blindness had seeped into every part of my life and I barely knew who I was without my overbearing boyfriend and the friend who had steered me around for my entire college experience.

On Thursday morning, over a week and a half after the Halloween party, Coach King texted me to meet him in his office after my classes for the day were over. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. An impromptu meeting with Coach King usually implied a fate worse than death. At this point, I deserved anything he had to say to me. My grades had fallen in the past few weeks (I had failed a test on Monday and two quizzes since then) and my training had continued to worsen. 

My suspicions proved correct when I arrived for the meeting and Coach King started explaining the reason he had called me to his office. He mentioned my grades and my training and the fact that I had barely spoken or shown any signs of life at practice for days. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know what he could do to help. But mostly, he wanted me to fix it--fast. Then he told me he was moving me to the middle distance training group.

“Wh--what?!”

Moving training groups in the middle of the year was unheard of. Potentially season-ending. If he was moving me from distance to middle distance, he was most likely saying I wouldn’t travel or compete for the rest of the year. It took time to adjust to a new training regimen. 

I tried to protest, but he told me he had made his decision and felt I was more cut out for middle distance events anyway. The adjustment wouldn’t be too drastic. And he wanted me to take the rest of the week off and start fresh on Monday. 

That’s the thing about college athletics. Coaches can be great coaches. They can get a team from nothing to something quick if they know what they’re doing. Some can even do that and help their swimmers develop as people, too. But for most coaches, when it came down to it, weakness was weakness, no matter the reason. And I was currently the weakest link on the team. Coach King had to do something about it and this was apparently the best he could come up with.

I mumbled something to Coach King about seeing the sports psychologist and trying harder at the new practices. I felt certain he had vague ideas about the couples on the team, so he probably knew about my Tamlin situation. I didn’t feel the need to mention it to him. I left his office and made it all the way down the five flights of stairs and out the back entrance into the cloudy, chilly afternoon before I allowed myself to cry. 

I had messed up my life so royally that I had no idea how to fix it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Coach King kicked me off the team in a matter of weeks. We had a travel meet coming up, and I felt certain that I wouldn’t make the cut. I’d be stuck at Prythian U while all my teammates that I had developed no relationship with would travel. 

Head down, I was rushing to my car as my tears fell when I ran headfirst into a warm body. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry--”

“We have to stop meeting like--Feyre.”

“Rhys.” I kept my eyes on the crack in the parking lot pavement at my feet.

“Are you okay?”

“You’ve got to stop asking me that question! I know you don’t care! Let me deal with this by myself.” I made to push past him but he followed me to my car anyways. 

“Feyre. I do care. I’m your teammate. And it doesn’t seem like anybody else on the team is lining up to ask how you’re doing, so I’m here to do that. I want to help you.” Something in his voice made me pause, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Just fuck off. You don’t even know me.”

He threw up his hands as I struggled to unlock my extremely old Volkswagen with the key fob. My tears and anger were making it very hard to open the door.

“For God’s sake, Feyre! Would you stop being so damn difficult and let someone help you? You’ve been a ghost at practice these past few weeks and Coach King just told me you were moving to my training group.”

I unlocked my car and wrenched it open. “Leave me alone.”

Rhys grabbed my car door and refused to let me close it. I glared at his stupid, gorgeous, violet eyes. “I bet you like this. An excuse to just give up, get yourself kicked off the team. Much easier than having to face Tamlin at practice everyday, much easier than having to make new friends.”

I narrowed my eyes. And slapped him across the face. 

He touched his cheek. A spark of satisfaction lit up against the confusion and depression that lived within my gut. I had surprised him. And shut him up.

“Wow. I guess I deserved that. But you know I’m right.”

And the fact was, I did. He had said out loud what was going on deep inside me, what I was dangerously close to giving in to. I was shocked someone I barely knew could even begin to fathom what was going on so deep within my brain that I had yet to admit it to myself.  But most of all, I was angry. Angry that this boy thought he had some sort of right to me pouring out my heart to him or at the very least accepting his help. He wasn’t a captain. He had no jurisdiction over me. 

“Fine! You’re right! Are you happy now?” I wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. I cast around for something, anything to make him understand even a little bit what I was feeling. “Any other accusations you want to spit at me to make me hate myself more than I already do?” 

His smirk fell. Satisfied once more, I thought he’d let me leave, but he held fast to my car door. 

“Tell me what to do to help you. Tell me and I’ll do it.”

I blinked. I thought he would yell at me some more. I hadn’t expected such an open offer, more raw and entreating than anything Tamlin had ever said to me.

 I hated that my year with Tamlin had made me think that a guy treating me nicely was a rare commodity. I deserved to be treated with more kindness than Tamlin had ever bestowed on me. I knew that, and yet--I didn’t know how to accept that kindness anymore. I was now so deeply confused about myself, my team, and Rhys that I merely stood there, staring at Rhys without really seeing him, and contemplating the nature of my existence for the past year. 

Rhys, appearing to come to the conclusion that I had nothing to say in response to his entreaty, cleared his throat. “I know there’s a team party this weekend, as per usual. But my friends and I are going to hang out ourselves and stay sober since we have a meet the weekend after. I want you to come. In fact, I insist.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he kept talking. “If you don’t show, I’ll tell the captains you haven’t actually been sick or studying during the past two team meetings you’ve missed. I’ll text you the address. Come. Please. We won’t talk about Tamlin or anything difficult. Plus, you should probably meet your new training group.”

That was right. Rhys and all his friends were in the middle distance group. I’d be subject to all of them starting Monday. 

And because I couldn’t think of any excuse, because I couldn’t have the captains knowing the concrete truth about my absences, because maybe somewhere deep within me desired help, I agreed.

[multifandomwriter18]

Ironhide x reader imagine ~ TF1

~Ironhide was legit my very first crush. Then he died in Dark of the moon so then I kinda was like ‘bee is kind of cute.’ Therefore that led to becoming madly in love with Bumblebee. Anyways enjoy!~

You see being a teenager and figuring out your GMC truck isn't just a truck but an alien robot it kinda fucks your head up.

Normally you don't see a 17 year old going out on a full out alien war but hey that's just your crazy life right?

After the first war you became really good friends with Sam but sadly he had moved on with Mikaela which was cool since you had Ironhide to hang out with you.

Throughout your time with him, he had taught you a lot. Mostly about guns and bad ass missions he went on back on Cybertron which you didn't mind cause who wouldn't want to hear cool as stories about giant alien robots kicking ass?!

Tonight you were gonna pick up (name) for you and his movie date. Of course you were excited. You had always had a crush on him every since you two little kids.

The school bell takes you away from your thoughts and you grabbed your binders and you head out it (class) class.

You see (name) leaning against your locker as you smiled at him. "Hey, (name) how was class?" He asked as he chuckled. "It was good I guess. (Class) is (class)." You replied as you tucked a lock of your (h/c) hair behind your ear.

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed your cheek. "You see tonight ."

You blushed but nodded as you watched him leave. You sigh dreamily at him as you then opened your locker and grabbed your (colour and size) backpack.

You closed your locker and head out to of the school to the parking lot where Hide was parked at.

As you get to the parking lot you see a few girls making cow eyes at Hide. Heat swept through your cheeks.

Wha-what the heck is going?!

You felt angry and jealous. What?! Me jealous?!

Without anymore hesitation, feeling sick to your stomach watching the girls touch his hold you snapped.

"Hey!" They turn to look at you as you stormed at them. "Get your hands of him-my truck!" You spat as the girls side stepped as they looked at you.

"This is your truck?" The blonde one asked as you rolled your (e/c) colour eyes. "Damn right, now get your hands away from him-m-my truck!" You snapped as you stuttered the last part.

"Chill out weirdo we were just checkout the truck."

Your face went a dark shade of red. "Well I don't want you doing that again-and don't ever touch him-my truck!"

The girls whispered to each other as you glared at him, ignoring the warmth of his hood underneath your touch.

The girls walked away as you let out a shaky breath. You step away from Hide for a moment, wondering what the hell just had happened.

"You ok kid?" Hide asked through the radio as I nodded, throwing my bag onto the passenger seat before getting into the driver's side.

"So what are we gonna do tonight kid?"

You chuckled nervously, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. "Oh um..well I have a..a date.." You mumble as Hide instantly pressed on the brakes nearly smashing your face against the steering wheel.

"Ironhide what the-"

"A what?!"

You worked down a swallow as you shifted in the seat. "A date..like when two humans go out together." You replied as he snorted in disgust. "Hide what the hell is wrong with you?"

He didn't reply. He started up again and drove you home.

:later that night:

As you got ready you couldn't get Ironhide out of your head.

Why did he act like that?

You shook your head side to side trying to get Hide out of your head. You then added some makeup to your face.

A little bit of coverup. Mascara and eye liner. You then went to your closet and pulled out a pair of (colour) jeans, a (colour) t-shirt and your (colour) jean jacket.

You pulled on ankle socks and your (colour) Vans. You grabbed your purse, phone and wallet. You brushed your hair and left it down.

You take in a deep breath before heading down the stairs and giving your parents a quick kiss on their cheeks. "I want you home at 11 o'clock and don't be late." Your father stated sternly as you nodded.

"Yes ok. Bye!" You run out the door and to the driveway and hopped in the driver side and Ironhide grumbled something before starting up and the radio played one of your favourite songs.

"I want to hold you when I'm not suppose to. When I'm lying next to someone else. Your stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it. I could do it all again. I know I'd go back to you!" You sang out as you hummed the rest of the lyrics as you pulled into (name's) driveway and he steps out from his porch.

As he went to open the passenger door it wouldn't budge. "Hey um..(y/n) the doors locked." You raised a brow as you clicked the unlock button but it locked again.

You rolled your (e/c) eyes before you leaned over and opened the door. "Sorry (name) my truck can sometimes be stupid."

He chuckled before getting in and you drive off to the movies. During the drive he reached out and you both held hands as your other hand rested on the steering wheel.

Ironhide thankfully didn't act up anymore. Part of you felt guilty for calling Hide stupid. He wasn't stupid. He meant a lot to you but sometimes he could get on your nerves.

Once you pull up to the movie theatre you find a parking spot and both you and (name) get out and in hand in hand walk to the front doors.

As you look over your shoulder, staring at Hide one last time. Why do I feel like I'm making a mistake?

:after the movie:

You pull up to his house and you smiled at him. Through out the movie you felt at ease.

Happy even. (Name) made you giggle a lot as he would put his arm around you or kiss your cheek.

He made you feel bubbly and just-God you could swoon over him, but part of you didn't feel right.

You had non-stopped thought about Hide. All you could think about was him and how you got jealous of those girls.

You thought about him getting jealous over you and (name).

"I had fun (y/n) I really did.."

You smiled as you looked at him. Your (e/c) eyes met his dark (e/c) ones.

Slowly you both leaned towards each other. You could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips. Just before (name) could kiss you, Ironhide jerked the seat forward and backwards ruining the moment.

"I'm so sorry! I don't-my truck has some issues but-"

He cut you off with a soft kiss on the cheek. "It's ok (y/n), see you tomorrow."

You blushed but nodded as he smiled at you once more before heading out and to his house.

You then kicked the radio. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why did you do that?!" You snapped at Hide, instantly regretting it.

Of course he didn't response so without another word you put him in drive and pulled out of (name's) driveway and down the road.

"I can't believe you right now! First you try to lock (name) out. Then you nearly throw him off the seat! What the fuck!" You yelled angrily as you clenched hard on the steering wheel.

Suddenly the truck jerks and you nearly hit face first on the steering wheel.

"CAUSE I LIKE YOU!" He snarled through the com-link throwing you off big time.

He likes me? You thought as your heart was beating out of your chest.

Ironhide pulled to the side off the road and his hologram appeared on the passenger side seat.

His hologram form was an eye full. The large body figure-muscle and all. His hair was jet black that kinda looks like a purple-silver in the faint moon light.

He wore dark jeans, a grey t-shirt that might you say cling onto his biceps. His eyes were a strikingly electric blue.

His skin was dark-like the colour of creamy coffee. Around his arms he had jet black tattoos-Cybertonian tattoos. He didn't look at me, he let out a faint sigh as he leaned over.

"Look, I hated the fact that you had that damn kid in here with you-and you didn't like those human girls checking out my alt mode.."

"Why the hell are you bringing this up now?" You hissed as more heat swept through your (skin colour) cheeks. "Why does it bother us so much if we are near or with other people?" He added on as you lowered my gaze.

"Maybe cause we're just that special?"

He groaned, dragging his hands down his face before grabbing your arm and pulling you towards him.

"God your so difficult."

"Hey-what I'm-MPH!"

In moment his lips collied with yours. Your (e/c) eyes widened at the sudden action but slowly you began to relax in his kiss.

His lips were warm and soft. Fitting perfectly against yours. You mimicked the movement of his lips for a while until he finally pulled away.

You both were out of breath, your faces both red and you couldn't help but stare at him in shock.

"Look-I don't know what I'm doing-or how to react to these emotions that I feel towards you but I know what I feel towards you is real. I like the feeling of it and if you don't-"

"-I like you too." You stuttered out as you cut him off from his sentence. You saw him tense up and his whole interior of his alt mode begin I heat up making you bite your lip at the sudden warmth.

"You do?" He asked, finally breaking he silence as you nodded, meeting his gaze.

"Yes I do."

He smirked a little as he pulled you towards him. Your face heated up a bit more. "In that case I would like to kiss you again but also ask you formally like you humans do it on earth. Will you be my girlfriend-or as we say it on Cyberton..will you be my Sparkmate?"

You smiled as you nodded eagerly. "Yes! Yes I say yes to it all." You replied cheerfully as Ironhide cupped your face and kissed you hard on the mouth.

You never had been kissed like this before. It was exhilarating! A kiss that made you want more and more.

You both broke the kiss and he smiled at you. You face flushed as you looked away.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You have two minutes before it hits 11 o'clock (nickname)"

You (e/c) eyes widened as you looked at the radio clock. "Oh shit! I'm gonna be late!"

You hopped off his lap and I to the driver's seat and sped down the road.

What a night eh?

Hello my little Sweetparks!

I hope you all are enjoying my imagines so far! Any thoughts of the new one shot?💗

More updates are still to come so stay tuned for more! Or please don’t be afraid to request anything! I’ll gladly take your requests!!!

[kamilah-the-bloodqueen]

For the anon who wanted a fic where Kamilah and Amy don’t know each other: This is a short 2-3 part, one-shot AU where Amy is working as a Barista and meets Kamilah in a frenzy yatta yatta yatta you get the idea. It’s not smuuty yet because I wanted to kind of develop some sort of relationship between them?? Part 2 (and 3 if i choose to not be lazy) will be smutty I promise ;) 

Pairing: Kamilah x MC (Amy)

Warnings: Fluff? I don’t know there’s no angst because FUCK ANGST

*BEEP BEEP*

Amy groaned, covering her face with her pillow as she rolled over, hitting snooze on her phone. It was too early for this, she thought as she smacked the snooze button. 

*BEEP BEEP*

Amy glanced at her phone, her eyes squinting as she sighed glancing at the time. 5:20. 

“5:20?!?! I overslept damnit!!!” Amy tumbled out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she hurried towards her closet. She hastily pulled her cellphone out to see 4 missed calls from Zig. She threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a white t-shirt, grabbed her wallet and scurried out the door, furiously typing apologies to Zig.

Sorry Zig! I overslept! 

Hey no worries, just don’t let it happen again. Not a great first day, see you when you get here. 

Amy speed walked down the empty streets of New York, the faint glow of the streetlights giving Amy some level of comfort as she dashed down the sidewalks. She hastily texted to Lily, explaining the entire fiasco, totally ignorant to the gorgeous woman who barely made it out of the cafe before Amy tumbled straight into her, spilling the scalding coffee over both of them. Amy shook her arms as she picked up her phone before meeting the woman’s cold and irritated gaze. Amy opened her mouth to apologize, but the stranger's deep brown eyes captivated her, even in their irritation. Amy took in the woman’s defined features, her dark brown hair, her coffee-stained maroon suit, her perfectly simple makeup. Amy swore she heard the woman mumble under her breath but she was too dazed to have caught it, she fiddled with her jeans as she handed the woman a half soggy 20$ bill before shuffling inside.

“I am terribly sorry. It’s my first day and quite possibly my last.” Amy bowed her head as the stranger huffed in anger, crunching her bill between her hands as she strided off, her angry eyes speaking louder than anything she could have said. 

“What happened?” Zig questioned as Amy put an apron on over her wet t-shirt, tears welling in her eyes as she asked the next customer for their order. 

“Nuffin..” She sniffled as she began to brew a regular coffee, Zig almost interjected but decided it was best to leave Amy to her own and not escalate the situation. 

The rest of the day went by smoothly, Amy brewing all the coffee precisely, nearly impressing Zig with her barista skills. Amy sighed as Zig shut the lights off for the night, handing Amy a small bag and an envelope as they walked into the streets of New York. 

“What’s this?” Amy raised an eyebrow as she curiously took the items from his hands.

“Despite you spilling coffee all over yourself and a customer, it’s your share of the tips and your share of the leftover pastries. We don’t waste here.” Zig smiled as he held up his own bag and envelope, smiling at Amy as he turned on his way. “Have a good night Amy! See you tomorrow!” 

Amy smiled as she strided back to her apartment, immediately investigating the bag of pastries as she entered the threshold. Lily bouncing off of the couch to greet her as she  set the bag on the table. 

“You rushed out the door so quickly this morning I didn’t even see you go!! What’s in the bag?” Lily beamed with excitement as Amy handed her a french pastry, Lily biting into it and savoring the sweet cream. “How was it?” Lily sat down on the barstool as Amy flopped onto the couch, closing her eyes before taking a deep breath. 

“I didn’t even make it in the front door before I spilled coffee all over this woman, but other than that it was fine.” Amy buried her face in the pillows, embarrassed at the recollection of this morning's catastrophe. Her mind ran rampant at all of the other ways that interaction could have gone as Lily placed a reassuring hand on Amy’s shoulder. 

“Don’t sweat it okay? You look like you’ve been hit by a bus, you should sleep…” Lily gently nudged Amy towards her bedroom as Amy dragged herself up off the couch. She hugged Lily firmly before shuffling off to her bed, flopping down and falling asleep with her jeans still on. 

“You’re a trainwreck Amy…” Lily plopped herself on the couch, starting her PS4 as she laughed lightly, “but you’re my best friend so I love you anyways, sleep well.” 

Amy woke up early the next day, on time to the cafe without any coffee spilling incidents. She put her apron on, put the new coffee filters in and turned the open sign on before Zig arrived. 

“You’re 30 minutes early.” Zig shuffled in the door, hanging his jacket on the back door as he ruffled his slick hair, smiling at Amy as she handed him a fresh cup of coffee. “Thanks, I guess this is part of the apology for probably driving away one of our customers?” He winked as he sipped from the cup, his eyes lighting up at how good it was for just a simple cup of coffee. 

“I added caramel, tends to sweeten it just a little. Hope you don’t mind…” Amy fiddled with her hands as the bell to the door rang, where the same woman from yesterday stood. Her eyes found Amy as she scowled, walking straight up to the register Karen style, tapping her nails hastily against the counter. 

“Hi what can I get for you today…?” Amy asked as she gently rubbed the buttons of the register, refusing to meet the cold gaze of the woman. 

“A regular coffee. No cream. No sugar.” The woman held out a 100$ bill before Amy had any time to react, Zig cutting in and smiling as he took the bill and worked the register, gesturing for Amy to begin the simple order. 

“Welcome back Kamilah.” He smiled and Amy caught the woman smiling back, not romantically but as if they’d known each other a while.

“I’m going to assume she’s new? I would assume you train your employees better than that…” Kamilah nodded towards Amy who nearly dropped the coffee again before holding it out with a cheeky smile. 

“I am sorry about that-” 

“Everyone has bad days Kamilah, even you I’m sure.” Zig smiled as he handed her the coffee, Kamilah examining the cup before taking a gentle sip. 

“Perhaps, I suppose this cup and that apology will have to do. This is still my favorite cafe and I refuse to let a mor-” she hesitated, letting out a small cough before continuing, “inexperienced barista ruin it for me.” She strided out of the door as Amy sniffled, turning towards the back door as Zig gave her a reaffirming hug. Amy sighed, wiping her eyes in embarrassment before nodding silently, turning back to the counter with a smile. 

“Let’s get to work.” She greeted the next customer with a smile, brushing the thought of Kamilah aside. She closed the cafe with Zig again, even creating a slick little handshake between them as they parted ways for the night, Amy heading back home where Lily sat, perched on the counter. 

“Better today?” She asked, gently taking the bag of pastries from Amy. 

“Yeah. How was your day Lily?” Amy sat on the couch, Lily coming over and sitting next to her. 

“Nothing much. The usual you know, crazy exes and choices the Nanny Affair….” Lily stifled a yawn as Amy raised an eyebrow.

“You still play that silly game?” She let out a laugh as Lily stood up from the couch, dramatically pouting.

“I’m into girls,  we have limited selection okay?” Lily fell to the floor, grabbing a pillow and making herself comfortable there before they both broke into laughter. 

“You seem tired?” Amy patted Lily gently as they both stifled yawns. 

“Yeah, we’re both hard working women who deserve sleep.” Lily jumped up and began to walk towards her room, “Hopefully we work this late rent out and then we can spend more time together…” Lily frowned as Amy raced over and pulled her into a hug. 

“We will, I promise. I love you girl!” They hugged tightly before retreating to their rooms for the night. 

The next morning was a mix between Lily and Amy grumpily sharing waffles as they made fun of the choices tumblr fandom and their crazy batshit. Lily heading off to build computers for the little company she had started, ``That Gamer Girl” that had taken quite a success during the covid crisis earlier that year. The covid crisis that was also responsible for putting Amy out of work and throwing their rent up and out of their budget. Amy made it to work, greeting Zig again before Kamilah showed up in her usual grumpy manner. Amy turned around before she even made it to the register and handed Kamilah a hot cup of coffee, her name written on the cup as Amy smiled. Kamilah raised an eyebrow as Zig watched with a mix of caution and amusement. 

“One black coffee, no sugar or cream.” Amy held the cup out as Kamilah tilted her head before taking the cup and placing the 100$ bill into the tip jar. Amy tried to hide her pride as she almost caught Kamilah smiling at her, before turning to Zig and going to the back. Zig approached Kamilah with an amused look as they both watched Amy walk through the back doors. 

“She’s cute isn’t she?” Zig playfully inquired, causing Kamilah to scoff and roll her eyes as she sipped the coffee. 

“Not the word I would use.” Kamilah nodded to him as she headed out, taking a deeper breath and letting herself smile at the girl’s sweet gesture. Amy felt herself blush in the back as she remembered the way Kamilah had *almost* smiled at her. She shook her head at herself before heading inside where Zig greeted her with a smile. 

“What was that all about?” He raised an eyebrow as he made a frappuccino for a teenage girl, who impatiently tapped her foot as she scrolled through tik tok on her phone. 

“Nothing.” 

“Ah,” He let out a chuckle as he handed the frappuccino off and wiped his hands, “because that’s not what it looked like.” He smirked as Amy covered her face with her hands, she could feel the blood rushing to her face as he laughed. The rest of the day passed by quickly but not quick enough, Amy rushed home and began telling Lily all the juicy details of the job, and of Kamilah as they ate pastries while watching Netflix. 

“So she’s hot but?”

“But she’s out of my league.” 

“You don’t know that! Maybe that smile meant she wanted to-” Amy jumped off of the couch, covering her ears as Lily laughed and made inappropriate gestures with her hands and mouth. Amy rushed into her room, closing the door before yelling. 

“Goodnight you dirty minded fucker! I love you!” 

---Next Day---

The door bell dinged as Kamilah strutted into the cafe, Amy already holding out the cup of coffee as she smiled at Kamilah. 

“Good Morning!” Kamilah couldn’t help but give the girl a small smile, amused by her excitement this early in the morning. 

“Morning…” Kamilah hesitated, looking around for Zig. 

“He took the week off, to go on a roadtrip with his friends, so I’ll be here.” Amy smiled as Kamilah questioned why Zig would have left the cafe to such a new employee. 

“Is this going to be a usual thing? What if I change my order?” Kamilah playfully arched an eyebrow as Amy frowned before becoming flustered. 

“I-uh.” Kamilah smirked in satisfaction at how she had gotten her all frizzled. 

“Your name?” 

“Amy. Can’t you read the nametag?” Amy slammed her mouth shut at her words, they definitely came off the wrong way. Kamilah looked taken aback before laughing playfully, sipping her coffee before turning to leave.

“I like to be polite, Amy.” She left the cafe, leaving Amy stunned as the angry teenage girl entered demanding her complicated caramel frappuccino. 

Time passed by and Amy fell into a comfortable routine, even when Zig returned from his roadtrip. Waking up and chatting with Lily about all the juicy details of their lives and then heading to work, making a black cup of coffee with no cream or sugar every morning to be ready at precisely 6:00 when Kamilah would show up. She began to write her little notes and hide them under the cupholder or to draw a smiley face on her cup of coffee. Kamilah began to enjoy the presence of Amy, her genuine playfulness intrigued her, there was something about Amy that Kamilah just couldn’t lay her finger on, or maybe that was the problem. 

“Good Morning Kamilah!” Amy greeted Kamilah at the door, two cups of coffee in her hands instead of just one as Kamilah cautiously took them from her. 

“You made me two cups?” Kamilah arched a brow as Amy giggled, walking back behind the counter. 

“No silly! I changed one of them…” Amy smirked as Kamilah grimaced, “don’t worry! It wasn’t anything too complicated, I just thought you should broaden your horizons…” 

“And if I hate them?” 

“Then I’ll pay for them both and I’ll never try to broaden your horizons again…” Amy frowned as Kamilah sipped the changed cup of coffee. Despite always enjoying black coffee, whatever Amy had done to this cup was….pretty tasteful if Kamilah could say so. 

“It’s...actually pretty good...what did you do to it?” Kamilah took another sip as Amy bounced on her heels, a wide childish grin written across her face. 

“I added a bit of caramel! It’s how I like mine!” Amy took her hands behind her back and fiddled with them nervously as Kamilah smiled. A moment of silence passing before the usual teenage girl showed up, Amy handing her her usual frappuccino order. The girl took the drink and dumped it all over Amy as she furiously yelled for Zig, who shortly appeared from the back with his hands full of coffee beans. Kamilah jumped over the counter and began wiping the frappuccino from Amy’s shirt. 

“You dumb fuck I wasn’t going to order this today!” She screamed as Zig rolled his eyes, taking her order as Kamilah helped Amy recover. Amy met the dark brown eyes of Kamilah, following her features to her lips as Kamilah dried her shirt, rubbing her hands up and down Amy’s sides as she shivered; the cold frappuccino giving her a different type of wake up call. Amy tried to control herself but couldn’t, she leaned forward and gently kissed Kamilah on the lips, immediately standing and rushing out the back as Kamilah followed behind. 

“I’m sorry!” Amy turned around as soon as she stepped outside, bumping against Kamilah who stood there with a smirk. 

“Something tells me you’ve been wanting to do that…” Kamilah smirked as she pulled Amy’s notes from a pocket inside her blazer, Amy’s jaw dropping at the sight. 

“You...kept them?” Amy felt tears well up in her eyes as Kamilah laughed, Amy taking note of the way her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Kamilah nodded silently before leaning down to kiss Amy once more, the taste of coffee on her lips as the smell of her lavender perfume drove Amy mad. Kamilah’s hands found Amy’s hips as she flipped her and pushed her against the back door, her lips moving to kiss along the baristas neck as Amy moaned softly. 

“I...should get back to work…” Amy mumbled against Kamilah’s lips as she tangled her hands in her hair, her body aching for more than just simple kisses.

“That’s not what your body is telling me...and I can hear it in your voice…” Kamilah huffed in frustration as Amy pulled away, scribbling her phone number on Kamilah’s hand before opening the back door with a smile- her cheeks still flushed pink as she gasped for air. 

“How about a date? Tomorrow night at 6?” Amy smiled at Kamilah’s shocked expression. She walked back into the cafe, leaving Kamilah stunned at what had just happened. 

[hellas-himself]

More Than Enough

Remember that self indulgent crack ship holiday fic I was writing about Cassian and Feyre? And how I couldn’t seem to mix the past with the present? 

It’s a fic now. Still in the same AU just like... the year before. Leading up to the cheesy ass nonsense it is now. Originally it was going to be angsty at first but I think we have enough of that in our real life. If you haven’t read the crackship holidays featuring these two dumbasses, start here or on AO3.

Also. I promise all my other fics are not being abandoned. 

I’ve had a playlist to listen to when writing them but it is so incredibly inappropriate if you understand spanish. and i haven’t made it onto spotify yet. But this song reminded me of them and that’s where the title comes from. Which is funny because Alina is who i put beside Toni Mafud as Rhys and Feyre whenever fan casts come up. ANYWAY. 

Let’s follow Feyre as she thirsts after her best friend. 

.

.

.

I blame it on the music.

Cassian lost his shirt about half an hour ago and is doing pull ups. The garage door is open, letting in the cold winter air. My fingers are cold but I don’t like wearing gloves when sketching. I had been working on hands and eyes but once he tossed his shirt… It’s not like I’ve never seen Cassian without a shirt on before. Between him and his brothers, they seem to always find an excuse to not wear one. But the difference is I don’t find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to run my fingers down their backs.

It’s definitely the music.

Even if I didn’t understand the words, the beat itself is way too sensual to not be about anything else but sex. But the lyrics and Cassian’s sweaty, half naked body mixed with the fact that I haven’t had sex in months is probably the worst mix. I am not supposed to be imagining sleeping with my best friend.

I clear my throat, startling Valo who was falling asleep at my feet.

“Sorry, baby, I need a drink.”

I set my sketch book and pencil down on the crate beside my chair.

“Would you get me a drink, bunny?” Cas breathes out and my face flushes all the more. I didn’t need another detail to this stupid daydream.

“Yeah,” I squeak and head into the house. I already know his post workout drink recipe by heart. I drink ice cold water while the blender is going.

Cassian is suspended in the air, holding his entire body parallel to the floor with his hands. Goddamn him. He drops his head back so that he’s looking at me upside down and he smiles.

“I love you,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“I’ll love you more if you don’t bust your ass.”

He chuckles and just to drive the nail in the coffin that is my desire to be the reason he’s making noises like that, he slowly lowers his body and resumes his pull ups. I set his cup on the table where he has his tools and go back to sit down.

Cassian drops down and walks over to his mat to do his cool down stretches. A new song comes on and the words are so filthy that I find myself staring at him. His tattoos. My ex-boyfriend had always believed I was into Cassian- and I wasn’t. But I wasn’t blind and I’ve been at his house almost every single day since Thanksgiving- he is always without a shirt.

It’s just the music.

“Plan on drawing me?” Cassian asks and I blink. I look away from his tattooed chest and to his face. He is smirking. Shit.

“Uh. Yeah. What better way to do anatomy studies than with a living reference?”

“Anatomy, huh?”

He flashes me a grin before he walks over to the table for his drink.

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

His question distracts me from looking at his ass.

“Uh, whatever you want… I’m not really craving anything.” Except you. I sigh and cover my face with my hands and lean over. I need a cold shower.

“Hey… You alright?” he asks softly.

I nod and slowly sit upright.

“I’m just… I’m fine. I promise.”

He doesn’t believe me but he walks over to grab his speaker.

“I love this song,” he says and starts to sing along to it as he gratefully goes back into the house.  

Cassian meets me in the living room now dressed in a white tee and grey sweatpants. He lifts both my legs up so that he can sit down. This is normal. I always use his lap to rest my legs.

“I ordered Greek, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I told you, I’m not craving anything except-”

Fuck my entire life. Cassian raises a brow and I toss him the remote.

“Why don’t we finish your show so then we can watch my movie?”

This pacifies him and thankfully, his stupid show is so violent and bloody that all thoughts of fucking my best friend fade from my mind.

*

Our annual Christmas party is tonight and I’ve found an outfit. It is the kind of outfit Tamlin would have told me not to wear. It’s blood red and insanely inappropriate for winter with its spaghetti straps and super low neckline. Mor says it’s the perfect thing to wear after a break up and just the thought of all the pictures we’ll take with me and Cassian together makes me believe it.

I hang the dress up in the closet of Cassian’s bedroom. The heels are set beside his dress shoes and I can’t help but think about his reaction. Of dancing with him all night and coming back here and-

“Bunny!” 

“I’m in the closet!”

I hear him chuckle. 

“Shut up,” I call out and walk into the bedroom to find him pulling off his shirt. I feel my face go hot.

“I’m going to shower… do you want me to use the other bathroom?” 

“What? No, this is your house,” I say far more casually than I feel. “Besides, we’ve got time, we can share.” 

I want to punch myself in the face. Cassian starts to grin. 

“The shower might be a little too small for the both of us but I’m sure we could find a way to-”

Cassian laughs when I smack his arm. 

“Not exactly where I like being spanked but I’ll take it.”

“Oh my god, Cassian.”

He laughs and disappears into the bathroom. I force myself to leave the room when I hear the water.  

*

Cassian walks into the kitchen in nothing but a towel, his hair wet, water dripping down his chest. He walks over and takes the sandwich from my hands.

“Fuck, we’re out of beer,” he mutters as he opens the fridge. I grab the second sandwich I made, expecting him to steal from my plate and force my gaze up. On his stupidly gorgeous face.

“I can go get some,” I say but he shakes his head and walks over to take my cup of iced tea.

“Are you cool with us taking a cab tonight?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” 

Cassian drinks from my cup and sets it down before pinching my cheek. 

“It’ll just be you and me,” he says softly. “So don’t worry about it.”

I blush at this and Cassian kisses my forehead. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Thanks for the snack,” he says with a wink and walks away.

*

I keep my makeup rather muted; lip gloss and the usual winged liner. Nude eyeshadow. Cassian picked out the highlight and I have to admit, he chose well. My hair isn’t going to get any better, so I leave it in loose waves rather than the curls I’d wanted. I’ll leave that to Mor. I feel nervous, this is the first time since the breakup that I’m going out with all of our friends but Cassian will be there, and that’s enough to ease my nerves. Almost.  

“Our ride is here,” Cas says as he walks into his bedroom. He stops and just stares. I approach him and hold out my ID card and debit card, needing to ignore the way his attention has me feeling.

“I don’t have pockets.”

“What?” He blinks and looks down at my hand. He laughs and pulls his wallet out. “You only need your ID.”

“Maybe so,” I say and reach out to smooth down the collar of his shirt while he puts my cards away. I remember my lip gloss and put it in his back pocket, giving him a wink.

Cassian holds my hand when we go outside, helping me down the steps and the driveway. It’s a regular occurrence, but I blush when he opens the door for me. And when he slides an arm around my shoulders when he sits down beside me. We take a bunch of pictures and call Cassian’s parents to check on Val- as if we hadn’t seen him an hour ago. 

When we get to the club, Cassian holds my hand as we walk inside. Cassian and the boys are all friends with the owner, so we get to skip the line.

“Where are we going?” I ask as Cassian leads us up to the VIP lounge.

“Meeting up with Rhys.”

“What’s he doing up here?”

Cassian chuckles. “You know Rhys never passes a chance to be extra as fuck.”

I can’t argue with that.

Upstairs, Cassian helps me out of my coat. His fingers brush my skin and my mind takes a swan dive into the gutter.

“What do you say to a few drinks before we go downstairs?” he asks as he takes my hand. The bouncer outside the lounge acknowledges us with a nod.

“Yeah, I could use it.”

Cassian flashes me a grin and then opens the door.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts and I find all of our friends standing under a Happy Birthday banner.

I am at a loss for words and Cassian laughs, bringing me further into the room. I’d completely forgotten about my birthday, I hadn’t cared enough to even think that anyone else would. But Elain is here with Az. So is Rhys and Lucien, Amren, Varian. Viv and Kallias, too. I’m separated from Cassian as I’m hugged and kissed by everyone. I realize Tarquin and Cresseida are here as well. Rhys is the one who breaks open the first bottle and we all stand around the little table to take shots.

“There is a cake,” Elain says as she hands me another shot. “But that’s later.”

“Later?”

She winks at me and shouts for Azriel.

“That’s my favorite song!” she exclaims and her husband happily ditches his brothers to go out and dance with his wife.

Lucien and Rhys pull me in for another hug as the others begin to trail down to the dance floor.

“You look good enough to eat,” Lucien mumbles and I laugh.

“Don’t tell me you’re already drunk, Luce.”

“We may have pregamed at the house,” Rhys admits. “But we took an uber! It’s okay.”

I roll my eyes.

“You both suck. I’m going to go find me two other cute boys to dance with. Boys who would have invited me to pregame with them and no amount of flirting is going to fix that.”

They begin to whine and I laugh, holding onto Rhysand’s forearms as they keep me caged between them.

“Alright! You win!” I say with a laugh and look over to find Cassian looking my way. He smiles.

I want to ask him to dance but Mor pulls him away before I can open my mouth.

We drink and dance and drink and dance and drink some more. I feel light headed and everything makes me laugh. But I haven’t danced with Cassian yet and that’s enough to dampen the mood. I push my way through the crowd until I find Cassian at the bar. I take the empty barstool beside him and sit down. I order myself a margarita before turning to face him.

“And where have you been all night?” I ask and Cassian smirks.

“Enjoying the night,” he says and takes a sip of his drink.

“Without me?”

I don’t understand the look in his eyes as he takes a sip of his drink. He sets the glass down and leans forward. I didn’t really understand just how short this dress was until he lays his hand on my thigh. If I turn my chair completely, if he moves his hand just an inch more…

“Yes,” he says and kisses me cheek. “But I think I’m about to enjoy it more now.”

“Why?” I manage to say. Cassian’s hand brushes my thigh as he sits upright.

“I’m about to go dance with my best friend.”

“Are you now?”

My drink is set before me and I grab it, chugging it down as Cassian slides off his chair. He turns mine so that I’m facing him completely and puts his hands on my hips.

“If she says yes, of course.”

I finish the last of my drink and set down the glass.

“When have I ever said no to you?”

Cassian grins.

I have danced with Cassian many times. At parties, at the beach, at clubs and bars and festivals. At his parents’ house. I should be used to the feeling of his body against mine, of his hands on me while we dance but not like this. I want nothing more than to take him back up to the lounge and push him down on the sofa or go find an empty bathroom stall.

But I don’t.

Birthday cake and alcohol isn’t the best mix, but I haven’t felt this alive in months. My face hurts from laughing, from smiling. My vision is spotty from all the pictures we’ve taken but I don’t care. Everything is right in the world.

“My feet hurt,” I complain and sit on Cassian’s lap.

“Want me to rub your feet?”

I shake my head and lean into him.

“No. Not until I’m showered.”

He laughs. “Okay.”

I sigh when he wraps his arms around me. He is so warm and smells so good, I want to stay this way forever.

“I think the birthday girl is done for the night,” Rhys says teasingly and I realize I was dozing off. I look up to see Rhys standing there with a stupid smirk on his face.

“Fuck you,” I say and curl up in Cassian’s arms. I feel his hand holding my dress down from showing everyone else my ass.

“Tempting,” Rhys says and then shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I think I’ll pass.”

I don’t think much of the look Rhys gives Cassian in favor of playing with his hair. I take way too much satisfaction in the knowledge that not everyone gets to do this, and that he enjoys it. Cassian seems to win whatever silent staring contest he and Rhys were having and Rhys rolls his eyes and goes after his boyfriend.

“You’re making me sleepy, bunny.”

“Good thing we’re going home together then,” I say before my mind catches up. But Cassian only chuckles and hugs me a little closer.

*

Cassian and I are a laughing mess as we stumble into the house. I lean on him to step out of my heels and he laughs as I shrug off my coat and toss it at him. We’re both trying to catch our breath, and I swat his hand away when he tries to tickle me again.

“I’m taking a shower,” I breathe out and walk off but he stops me.

“Wait,” he says and I turn to find him smiling.

“What?”

“Happy birthday,” he says softly and pulls me in for a hug. “I promise I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

“Hm… you really know the way to a girl’s heart, Cas.”

He pinches my side and I yelp.

“Go shower,” he says and kisses the top of my head.

“I won’t be long.”

My shower is clumsy and not at all relaxing. My feet hurt. So I put lotion on my body and grab the bottle of perfume that is on the dresser, except it’s not perfume but cologne. I shrug and put on Cassian’s Nirvana tee shirt and double check I actually have underwear on before I go looking for him.

“Cas?” The house is dark save for the light coming from his room. “My feet fucking hurt.”

He says something but I don’t understand it. His room is open and I step inside, finding him lying on his bed. He’s got basketball shorts on and his hair is loose.

“Bunny!” he says as if he hadn’t seen me all day. “I almost busted my ass in the shower.”

“Me, too.” I say with a laugh. “Maybe we should’ve showered together. It would’ve been safer that way.”

“I like the way you think, Archeron.”

He holds his hand out to me and when I’m close enough, he pulls me into bed with him. “You smell good.”

I snort. “I smell like you.”

“Exactly.”

I swat his arm but he ignores it, putting his arms around me.

“My feet hurt,” I complain, hoping he’ll make good on his promise.

“Just stay here,” he says simply.

My heart stops and starts too fast.

“Like… sleep here?” I ask too quietly.

“Mhm.” He goes quiet for a moment and then groans. “I forgot to turn the light off.”

“I can do it,” I say.

“No… Stay here.”

He goes quiet once more, and I let myself relax. We haven’t shared a bed since we were kids, playing video games until Adela would force us to go to bed. I smile at the thought and rest my head against his chest.

“Goodnight, Cas,” I say quietly, my eyes getting heavy.

“Goodnight, bunny,” he says and lets me go to stretch. Then he wraps his arms around me again and moves us so that we’re on our sides. He presses a kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes, letting the warmth of him lull me to sleep.

.

.

.

@mythicaitt @bookloveaffair @nalgenewhore @candid-confetti 

[emdythewriter]

A new light | chapter one (Elriel)

Summary:

Azriel Mystic has been in live with his best friend since the moment he met her three years ago. Elain Archeron has been in love with her best friend since the day she moved into his apartment building three years ago. However neither of them have told the other about their feelings. They go through a routine every single day which includes pushing their feelings to the back burner. Azriel is starting to lose his patience though, he’s done waiting and is ready to make a move. Elain however is scared to lose her best friend.

Tiny Dancer interrupted Azriel’s peaceful dream that morning, cutting off the dream he did not want to leave. It was right in the middle flirting with Elain--his best friend--when the classic Elton John song cut through his words. Grumbling he reached out for his phone, answering it without even looking at the caller ID. He knew exactly who was calling him for two reasons. One it was the way he woke up every morning for work because he never set and alarm, and two there was only one person he knew that loved Elton John more than anything.

“I was having a good dream,” Azriel answered the phone in his morning rasp. Elain’s soft chuckle came through the phone along with the slamming of cabinets as she moved around her kitchen.

“Too bad we have to get to work,” Elain answered him and he knew by the sound of her voice she was smiling. Both of them worked as personal assistants, Azriel to his friend Rhys in his law firm and Elain for an interior design company. Both buildings were on opposite sides of the street from the other so the pair of friends tended to walk or take a cab to the office.

“I’ll call in sick,” Azriel said already sitting up and pushing his blankets off his body. He held his phone between his ear and shoulder as he moved around the room to get ready. Lucky for him he had decided on showering the night before after a long night out with his brothers, plus it was casual business attire for him most of the time minus court days.

“Rhys will never let you,” Elain said on the other end.

“Fake it until I make it.”

“You’ll never make it,” Elain said jokingly. Azriel laughed as he pulled out a clean pair of dress pants and a collared shirt from his closet.

“Isn’t my best friend supposed to believe in me at all times?” He teased as he wiggled his way into his pants, still managing to hold the phone in place.

“I do believe in you,” Elain said and he knew there was a “but” coming based off her hesitation. “I also know Rhys and as good as you at getting information your boss is better.” Azriel rolled his eyes even though he knew what she was saying was the truth. He had earned himself the name of “spymaster” among the law firm but it wouldn’t matter when going against his brother. Rhys had a way of knowing every little thing before everyone else, it's what made his such a sought after lawyer.

“Whatever I’ll meet you downstairs in two minutes,” Azriel hung up and finished getting dressed. Another thing about the two of them was that they lived two floors apart in the same building of their apartment complex. It was actually how they met and became friends three years ago.

They were moving in on the same day. Her boyfriend at the time was helping her move everything in while she stood back and directed him. Azriel had been walking up a flight of stairs when he caught them. Elain was smiling and happy while the boyfriend with the red hair groaned and complained the whole time. He thought it was quite comical and told Elain this when they officially met the next day.

Azriel grabbed his keys off the hook by the door. Then stuffed his wallet and phone into his pockets as he headed out of the apartment and downstairs to where Elain waited. She was wearing another sundress today. This one was a bright yellow with little daisies and butterflies spotted all over. The dress was longer than her other ones, ending just below her knee. Her sleeves were ruffled and the dress was a v-neck cut, at the center she wore the necklace she never took off.

The charm on the gold chain was a bouquet of pink lilies tied by a white bow. Azriel had gotten the necklace for the year they met as a christmas present. Since the day Elain had opened the small box and asked him to put it around her neck she had not taken it off. Azriel smiled now just thinking about the memory as he wrapped an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

“Ready for the office?” He asked smiling down at her. She had to lean back so she could return the smile given the more than a few inches height difference between them.

“Is it bad we haven’t even left but I already wish we were coming home?” Elain asked as they began their trek down the sidewalk. The office building were a few blocks from where they lived and unless it was raining or snowing the duo always walked.

“Just a few more months and then you’ll have enough saved to open your shop,” Azriel said rubbing her shoulders in comfort. The only reason Elain had taken the job she knew she would hate was because of the money. By working with the company as long as she had and saving as much as possible she would have enough to open her business at the beginning of next spring. Elain had told Az about her dream to own a florist shop and considering how Velaris was a hot spot for weddings there would be no shortage of income.

“I think those months are during into years,” she complained as she rested her head against her friend’s shoulder.

“Years are turning into decades and decades into centuries, I’ve heard this before Elle.” She smiled as Azriel recited her go to verse of complaining. He always thought it was cute the way Elain moaned and groaned when she was unhappy, but deep down she knew he was already putting a plan together in order to cheer her up.

“Do I really complain that often that you’ve memorized it,” she was trying to sound embarrassed but truthfully Elain loved that he paid such close attention to her emotions and movements.

“You complain about your job everyday you have to go, of course I know it,” Az said like it was that obvious and considering she knew he was stating a fact she supposed it was.

“I’ll just find something new to complain about then,” Elain shrugged.

“How about we discuss something more fun.”

“Like what?”

“What show do you want to binge next now that we’ve finished Lucifer?” This was a much better topic for discussion and Elain found herself sad she hadn’t thought of it before. She hummed in thought as they reached a corner and waited for the white walking man to appear.

“Feyre told me she talked Rhys into watching Outlander with her now that it’s on Netflix,” Elain suggested remembering how her future brother-in-law was telling her about his new competition, Jamie Fraser.

“Is that the one where they’re in Scotland and she travels back in time a few centuries?” Azriel asked a puzzled look on his face like he was trying to decipher other shows in his head.

“Yeah it’s supposed to be amazing,” Elain said but she had already tried the first episode after she left her sister’s house the other night. She fell asleep halfway through the first episode and couldn’t bring herself to try again.

“How about The Flash? Cassian said a new season was just added,” Azriel countered reading her features and knowing her heart wasn’t really in the show she thought of.

“The Last Kingdom? It’s historical and full of action which is something we both love. Plus Mor has binged it a hundred times and is really pushing me to watch it.”

“Sounds perfect.” Their conversation halted as they reached the front door to the interior design company Elain worked for.

“Guess this is me,” Elain said softly really wishing she didn’t have to go through the gates of hell again. It was only Monday too.

“Keep your head up and start the timer I set on your phone so you know when to meet me for lunch,” Elain laughed at the last part feeling her chest lift slightly. Azriel always set a timer everyday so neither of them missed their lunch dates. They weren’t actually dates but Elain referred to them as nothing else but that in her head.

“Where shall we go today?” Elain asked wanting to stall the inevitable a little longer. They still had a few minutes before they needed to walk into the office anyways.

“Rita’s, I have to meet Rhys around the corner afterwards so it’ll be easier on me,” Azriel shrugged and she was one hundred percent fine with the choice. Rita’s was a bar and grill that her whole family and all her friends were obsessed with, they went every Tuesday night for trivia.

“You know I’m always down for that,” Elain smiled before looking down at her watch and realizing she needed to leave. “I have to go so wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it,” Azriel told her before turning and heading across the street to the law firm. She watched him go with a bright smile on her face. The moment his figure disappeared through the glass doors she sighed and turned on her heel, heading into her own place of work. Elain really wished it was next spring already.

(Let me know if you want to be tagged!)

[bookstryingtostealyourheart]

My Hero, My Sugar.

A/N: Hi my new friends! I would like to give a warning that this is going to be my first fanfiction posted on here! I am open to feedback, or messages and such requesting imagines and fluff. I am comfortable doing most plots. But because this is my first, I wanted to disclaim that I am very nervous posting this! Thank you :) and I am using my own knowledge of diabetes to write this, as I was diagnosed when I was 10, so I hope I’d know some. It may not be this way for everyone, but enjoy! 

Warning: It’s very long! I apologize. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Diabetic Reader

Summary: The reader is a member of the BAU, and she has been sent with Reid on a case, that they soon become hostages in. On top of trying to keep everyone safe, the reader (a diabetic) feels their sugar is low, and they have no access to food. As time goes on, Reid is now searching his mind for a way to get y/n to safety before something bad happens, or someone else gets hurt. Fluff and angst included. 

        You and Reid have gotten into the next target location without the unsub knowing that you were FBI. That is a surprise to you, as this is the first case that has worked out that way, especially on a case with Reid. The location is a small yet popular store in the small town right off the city where the unsub has lived for his whole life. It wasn’t hard to pinpoint, as the last targets have been stores with little security and female owners. Reid had figured it out after searching the surrounding area for stores that fit. 

      When you had approached, the unsub was already there, most likely making sure the time was right. This particular unsub had been predicted to be of a significantly high IQ; possibly genius and had a very bad case of OCD. From the way he had only attacked women, it meant he has a bad past with women: maybe a mom abandoned him, or a bad breakup that had sent him over the edge. The unsub has a case of aggression and low self-confidence. Because of this, he goes for weaker targets, in hopes of having no problems carrying out his attack. 

      You and Spencer casually look through the book aisles, not wanting to jump onto him right away. Reid was the one whose hand hasn’t left his gun since he entered the store. The unsub was definitely intimidating, as he was built very tall and muscular with broad shoulders. Reid had slowly inched his way towards the front, as the man reached the front of the store with a single book: Alice and Wonderland. “Alice in Wonderland, my favorite!” The older woman says ringing up the book with a ‘beep’. She definitely fit in with the past victims, as she had a small frame, and was fragile with old age. 

      “Me too, actually.” The low voice said, as the woman puts his book in a bag, not wanting the steady rain outside to ruin the books current state. It was a paperback, so it could ruin easily from the water. The man reached for his coat, in a strange line vision for Reid...he could pull out a gun, or a wallet. So Reid took his chance. 

      “Mr. Coles! This is the FBI, please put your hands in the air!” Reid says, finally happy to be the one to get to give the whole spiel. The whole thing happened in a blur, both guns came out at the same time, but the gun on the unsub was much more intimidating; much bigger. 

      “Put the gun down! If I see your finger reach the trigger, you will single-handedly be the reason this woman dies. Do you want to have that on your back for your life?” The unsub says as you reach for your gun, and Reid lowers his slightly. Reid was not the guy that would do well with someone dying when he could have saved them. “And you, the cutie in the aisle over there...keep your hands where I can see them. You don’t have me fooled.” He said in a shaky yet booming voice, making your hands go up quickly. Reid hated to admit, he did not want to go on this one with the newest person on the team; but Morgan and JJ had been sent to the other possible location to keep watch. He was definitely insecure about the strength in this pairing. 

      “Okay...James we can all put our guns down and then there will be no problems. You can leave. We will let you walk away since there was no harm done.” You say in a confident voice, even though that was not the case. Either way, he was going out in cuffs or a body bag. He has a body count of at least 6 women. The unsub’s beady brown eyes landed on your Y/E/C ones, which held curiosity. You couldn’t make out his next move in your mind, but your hands started to shake. 

      “No. I don’t believe you! All women do is lie. Put your gun on the ground, and sit with your hands under you.” He orders in a growl-like tone. The only thing you could do, is follow the orders, hoping that the woman in front of him can be saved by this action. You slip your gun out of your pocket; one hand still in the air as you let the gun fall to the ground. You feel Spencer’s soft eyes watching your actions. He’s been hostage many times, it isn’t something he could ever get used to. As you take a seat on your hands, you wrack your brain for ideas. A way to get out of the situation. Hotch should hopefully come to the rescue if Reid could not pull through. He may be a genius, but he did not have physical strength on his side right now against this man. 

      “I am not a woman, Mr. Coles. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid, and I will tell you as much of the truth as you would like to know.” Spencer pipes up and places his gun on the ground in front of him, placing his rather large hands into the air. He was someone you would believe if he told you that. He looked like he was too pure to lie, but he was currently doing it for his own safety, as well as yours and the store owner’s. And it worked...because Reid was good at reading and analyzing the best moves to get the unsub’s trust. It was something you admired more than anything. You felt the air in the bookstore heavier with each minute, and your eyes getting slightly heavier. It could be because of the lack of coffee this morning, or your sugar. You hoped it was the lesser of the two evils, as you had no access to food. 

      “Spencer...” You say with a croaky voice. Where was Hotch? Morgan or JJ? This felt like it had been taking years, sitting on your now aching hands. Reid had been told to sit next to you on the floor in front of Mr. Coles, as he tried thinking of a way out of this. Reid’s eyes searched yours with confusion. “I think my sugar’s low. I don’t feel all that great.” You warn him and his eyes widen a little. He knew you needed some source of carbohydrates to send the levels up. 

      “Spectacular!” He muttered to himself. He searched the room with his eyes, finding nothing but shelves full of books and a comfortable looking couch. “I’ll figure something out, don’t worry. How long do you think you can make it without eating?” He asked curiously. You shrugged your shoulders. You felt all the symptoms of a low sugar: shakiness, clamminess, fatigue, hunger and disequilibrium. You felt like your heart beating was louder than anything else in your ears, pounding fast. 

      “What are you two whispering about?” James asks, pointing the gun at you, before Reid. Reid furrows his eyebrows. This was a hard spot for him, as his gun now sits on the counter, mocking him. 

      “Please, just listen to my plea. Special Agent Y/L/N is a diabetic, and she feels very ill. I will let you stick your gun to my head if you let her run to her car, grabbing the things she needs to send her sugar up. If she does anything you don’t like, you can shoot me. She can die if you don’t do this, and we both know that your whole plan will be ruined if she is the one to die. You’ll have the whole team on your back. They will surely kill you.” Reid pretty much begs, and you widen your eyes. Why would he do that? Put his life in danger for you? You’ve known Spencer for a little over two months now. You see the unsub considering the plea, which is good, as you don’t even know if you could make it to the car if he takes too much longer than this. But you don’t have to worry about that, when the doors fling open to reveal Morgan. You give a relieved sigh, as he and JJ come in with Hotch in tow, their guns raised. 

      “James Coles, put the gun down. We will not hold fire.” Hotch calls as they approach quickly, and he unsub doesn’t think twice before lowering his gun and stepping forward. He had no way out of this, he wanted to leave alive. Reid stands and puts a hand out to you, knowing how dizzy a diabetic can get with low blood sugar levels. He had done very in depth research when you joined the team, even going as far as stocking the fridge at work with Orange juice; the best thing for diabetics in times of need. You took his hand and he helped you up with a force stronger than you expected from the scrawny doctor. 

      “Let’s go Y/N. If you don’t have anything, I have some sweets in my bag.” He offers with a small grin. One thing you knew about Spencer, is that he had a crazy sweet tooth. It made you gag sometimes, as you have grown to not use much sugar, and to eat in more moderation than most. 

      “Thank you Spencer.” You said gratefully as you walked to your car, leaning on him slightly. It felt awkward to use the tall genius for support, but the smell of his cologne and understanding that you’ll be feeling better soon made you ignore it. 

      “Don’t mention it. But this means that when we go for another mission, you let me play you in chess.” Reid suggests, opening the car door for you and going around to the other side. He was definitely not letting you drive in this state. 

      “Fair enough, but I have never won chess.” You reply, knowing this time surely won’t be any different. Reid was the smartest person you’ve ever met. And although the first month at the job he irked you with his waterfall of facts, you have become fond of it, even taking the time to write some down. 

      “Well, maybe I will go easy on you.” Reid says with a grin, but you know for a fact that he does not take losing easily. But that’s ok, he saved your life...losing one more game of chess is not going to kill you. 

[your-high-lady]

Realisation

Summary: This story is about Feyre. She has a couple of small dreams she wants to achieve but turns out it isn't as easy as she imagined it would. Trust me, the story is better than the summary. Modern AU. Feysand.

Chapter 1    Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Horror

IMPORTANT: Please read

Initially, I rated this story K+. I have now changed that to T because of the content in this chapter(I didn't realise how mature this story would turn out). If you would like to continue reading the story but avoid the particularly graphic rape scene I will leave a marking for you to indicate where it starts and finishes so that you don't read something you don't want to read accidentally.

Thank you. Read ahead at your own risk.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the spectacular Sarah J Mass.

--

Tamlin insisted he takes me out to the movies today. It is our one-year anniversary. I'd just wanted to snuggle up into his arms and watch a movie for the night, but he insisted we go out. "Why watch a movie at home, when you can watch one in the cinemas?" I still hadn't been convinced, but then he'd started kissing me and I just... melted.

I couldn't believe it had almost been a whole year, though. It felt like it was just yesterday that Tamlin had given me that smile. Tapped me on the shoulder. Asked me out. But more time had passed since then. A whole year had passed. And that's what we were going to celebrate.

Hearing a knock on my door, I quickly checked that I've got everything I might need for the night. Wallet, check; phone, check. Keys, check. Lipstick, check. Just as I was walking to the front door, I passed a mirror hanging on the corridor wall, catching a glimpse of myself. I'd donned one of Mor's sexier dresses. A dark midnight blue lace-y thing, coming up to my mid-thighs. And it was shoulder-less, too. The whole time I was getting ready, I kept thinking about how stupid this is. This isn't me. I don't dress like this. I don't ever wear this much make up. But among those thoughts, were also others: Tamlin will like this. He'll like that I put in an effort. He's always asking me to put on sexy clothes, dresses that barely cover anything. He'll like this; he is the one I'm wearing the dress for.

I'd never been great at hiding my emotions and Mor had seen the nervousness clear on my face while she watched me go through her closet. "Feyre, are you sure Tamlin is the guy you've been waiting for, for so long?" She'd asked. In turn, I'd given her a weird look and said, "Yes, of course, Mor. Why would I be with him, if that weren't the case? He is the right guy. I'm sure of it." But as I'd talked to her, I'd been unable to look at her. As if I knew that whatever I'd see in her eyes would convince me that this was wrong. That she was speaking the truth, while I was shielding myself from it.

I could hear her, now. She was sitting in the living room, watching a sitcom, laughing and eating dinner. Looking back at the mirror, I quickly brushed some stray hairs back and pushed my bra up before putting a smile on my face, and opened the door.

"Feyre! Are you ready for the movies?" He asked with his big smile, that had blinded me at first. Before I could answer, he leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips, before taking my arm. I quickly shouted a bye, Mor, before stumbling down the driveway behind Tamlin.

In the car, he asked me about my day and other things before turning up the radio. He had some eighties music on. I went to change the channel but Tamlin stopped my hand, asking me with a little frown, "What are you doin'? Leave it on." Though his words stung a little, he was smiling, which in turn made me want to smile. I didn't know what to feel. It was so weird. Just yesterday, I'd loved everything about Tamlin. I'd found everything about him just perfect. I could feel his love for me every time he looked at me. Did this have something to do with what Mor had said? Was Tamlin really not the right guy? No, of course, he was. He was the one who made butterflies appear in my stomach. He was the one who protected me. Loved and cherished me. That was what I wanted, and that's what he's giving me. That makes him the perfect one, right? Right?

—

I couldn't concentrate on the movie.

Mor's words kept going through my head; my own thoughts kept going through my head. I just couldn't stop doubting myself. Wasn't this what I'd wanted. Wasn't this the right thing for me. What's wrong?

I turned my head to look at Tamlin. Unlike me, no thoughts seemed to be attacking him; his expression was one of delight. We were watching a movie about racing cars. Of course, he found it interesting—he was a man. I sighed. At least the movie was almost finished.

—

"Well, wasn't that an amazing movie?" Tamlin said to me as we exited the cinema hall. I smiled at him but didn't say anything. He gave me a small frown before linking my arm into his and said, "I've got a surprise for you." His smirk made me curious. Rather than asking him what the surprise was, I just let him lead me to where ever he wanted.

Turned out we had to drive there. I was surprised when he parked the car in front of a bar. It was called The Ale House. Hmm. "I want you to meet some of my friends." He said as we went inside. Inside, I could see many people dancing on the floor. Among those people were the ones who didn't have any respect for the people around them and were rubbing there near-naked and sweaty bodies against others. It was disgusting. I grabbed Tamlin's arm. "I don't want to be here." My voice came out meeker than I would've liked.

He just said, "Come on." I followed him. Later I wished I hadn't.

He led to the floor above the dance floor. Up there were small seating areas were made up of round couches. In one corner, the one we were heading towards, I could see four men and a woman. She noticed us coming and immediately alerted the others of our presence. We were within hearing distance of them know. "Hey Tamlin, got a new girl, have you?" One of them shouted, leering at me. I, subtlety, pulled my dress down. The pure greed in his face made me shudder. Instinctually moving closer to Tamlin, I linked my arm in his.

"Hey bro, how ya doin'? Tamlin said, slapping a scrawny boy with brown hair on the shoulder. As we took a seat, he introduced me to his friends. "Guys this is my girlfriend, Feyre. We're out celebrating our one-year anniversary." I was greeted by a lot of "ooh's" at that.

Tamlin then told me each of their names, starting from the left. Hart: A powerfully-built man with black hair. Dagdan: a skinny guy with black hair. Brannagh: the female version of Dagdan, also his twin sister. Bron: the man Tamlin had slapped on the shoulder. And then finally Lucien. A red-haired man with a russet and gold eye. His left eye had been replaced with a metal one, which gave him a badass look. Despite that, he seemed to me like the nicest one of all of Tamlin's friends.

After that, I mostly tuned them out. At least, until I noticed the look Dagdan was giving me. "—shot was so—" Bron was saying before Dagdan interrupted him with, "Tamlin, can I take her?" Tamlin raised his eyebrows before glancing at me. Turning back to Dagdan, he gave the smallest of nods. I whipped my head around to look at him, incredulously. He didn't even seem to be worried. He was just letting me be taken by Dagdan, who definitely did not have good intentions in mind. I tried to keep my face expressionless, despite the horror coursing through me.

Now standing in front me, Dagdan took my arm. I tried free myself from his grimy grip but it was too strong. He simply pulled me on to my feet and dragged me away with a vicious smile on his face. Tamlin didn't turn to look at me once.

Through a back door, Dagdan led me to a dark alley. I could see garbage bins overflowing with more bags on their sides. I gagged at the rancid smell. Unfortunately for me, Dagdan found this suitable enough for what he was planning to do. And I knew what he was planning to do, what Tamlin had let happen. He'd let Dagdan take me somewhere secluded so that he could do whatever he wanted to do to me. And Dagdan wanted pleasure; sex. I didn't want to do it with him. I was going to be raped if I didn't find a way out of this. But my mind had gone blank; I couldn't think past the buzzing noise in my ears.

Starting.

He pushed me hard against a brick wall. I whimpered in pain, in fear. I was so scared, I felt like I could puke. But honestly, that wouldn't be so bad, if I did it on him. I huffed a laugh, at the image, before reality came back to me. I was pressed against a wall and Dagdan was pulling his pants down. As he did that, he put lips against my neck, smelling me. I felt his lips caress a sensitive spot just under the ear and shivered. His pants bunched around his feet before he put his grubby hand on my thigh. I trembled with disgust. Why, why, why did I not listen to Mor. She warned me, and I chose to ignore it. And now I'm paying for it. I could feel his fat fingers pulling my panties down. I could feel him cup me, feeling how wet I was. Damn my body for reacting to his… yuckiness. I felt tears silently drip down my cheeks. I felt dry, cracking lips, a tongue forcing its way down my throat. My hands shot up to take a hold of his arms, trying to take them off from me. But then he slapped me across the face and then thrust himself inside me. He didn't give me time to adjust. He just forced himself into me in one go. And he wasn't gentle. I was able to let out just a whimper, instead of the scream building in my throat. I didn't want him to remember me as the weak girl, who was so easy to take for himself. He tangled his fingers in my hair before yanking my head back, exposing my neck to him. He bit me, hard enough to bruise. He sucked on the skin before biting again. And again. And again. And all through that, I kept whacking him on his shoulders, arm, anywhere I could connect with him, in an attempt to push him away. But with each time he bit, it felt like his teeth got sharper, rougher, and I just couldn't. Suddenly I didn't care. I just went limp and wished for it to stop. He pulled himself out before thrusting again. Letting go of my hair, I felt him roughly pull down my dress. The sound of cloth tearing filled my ears. Then I felt his hand release open the latch of my bra. I could feel the bitter cold air touch my nipples, as they hardened. I felt his lips close around my right nipple just he bit it, hard enough to draw blood. His hand pinched my other one. I hear the whimper that gets let out of my mouth, without actually processing it. And throughout all that, reluctantly, I can feel my own arousal growing. But I don't want this. I don't want Dagdan. I want… wanted Tamlin. But not anymore. Not after he let this happen to me.

Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, save me from this, god. I start sobbing and heard Dagdan laugh, as he enjoyed the mental and physical torture I was going through. He thrusted a couple more times, each one harder and faster than the last. He bit my other nipple, just as hard, too. He did everything. Everything, that could possibly hurt me but please him. Everything. Until he finally came. He groaned and moaned as he spilled himself inside me. Thinking about his semen inside me wanted to make me puke. I even felt a little of my dinner rise up my throat.

Finished.

When he was finally done, he let me drop down to the ground and pulled his pants up. I could see my panties lying in front of me, tattered. Pulling my torn dress over my breasts so that they were covered, I wrapped my arms around myself. Looking up, I saw Dagdan grinning at me. I spat in his face. He blinked at me, wiping the saliva from his face. He stared at it, frowning, before slapping me. I felt blood pool in my mouth before I spit that out on the ground. I turned to glare at him, but he was already gone.

AN: Thank you for reading. Please review.

[hezketh]

Post-mortem

What is a post-mortem, anyway? I suggest we have a deductive look at this mystery of a compound. It has a Latin sound to it, wouldn’t you agree? Post-, as in after in time, and mortem: according to Wiktionary, the so-called accusative singular of mors, Latin for “death.“ My pretentious attempt at etymology aside, it’s the discussion and analysis of a past event or venture that might or might not have turned out a failure. How is it relevant to our little blog? Well, look no further than my last entry -- Nautical Mile, as fun and promising as it was, is no more.

Now, there’s a whole bunch of reasons why it didn’t succeed. It was my first step into the wilds of business, not to mention the first time I spearheaded the production of multiple projects and guided a team of ~10 people scattered about the globe. That being said, it sure has given me substantial; even crucial advice on how to make and how NOT to make games as a self-funded band of just 10 developers. It’s also shed some light on the workings of a conventional company: from legal matters to matters of taxation, among other bureaucratic things. While it has inflicted some financial damage on my wallet, I’ve certainly quit it much more experienced and ready for my next endeavour, whatever it might be.

It’s been several months now. I’ve joined the upcoming GMTK 2019 game jam and, so far, the winds sure are favourable. Who knows, maybe our minute entry will blossom into a fully-fledged game? We’ll see, we'll see.