#My hair is kind of out of control

[starryaike]

I Saw a drawing of yourself, you look like a fusion between Basil and chara .

Thank you!! I don't tend to draw myself much outside of mindless doodles though, so my Basil Era is kind of over. Here you go. A doodle just for you.

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm having incoherent thoughts about clone danny again from the clone/clone^2 au (when am I not?) but more specifically I'm thinking about his reaction to finding out he's a clone. The standalone clone au digs into that a little more than clone^2, which is more focused on Danny and Damian's relationship. But neither (so far) really get into Danny's issues about finding out he's a clone after 15 years of thinking he wasn't.

Because he resents his parents for not telling him for so long. He resents the way he found out; through a trivial school project rather than a sit-down talk. He resents the fact that, apparently, they had meant to tell him sooner. But forgot. He resents the fact that they never told him because finding out feels like something was stolen from him when it had the chance to not be.

Danny Fenton, just fifteen, cloned not even half a year ago, knows what that personal violation of autonomy feels like. He knows what it's like to be cloned and while he loves Ellie, he does, she's his sister, and in this au his twin. But he is still left with that feeling of unsafety after realizing he'd been cloned. Being cloned is violating. The onset realization that it's so easy to get DNA without the other party noticing, and that what was stopping someone from trying to clone him again?

Followed only after with the rest of the inexplainable mix of feelings of being cloned, the rest of that inner conflict and panic that's an ugly mocktail of emotions that range from horror to fear. Trying to imagine what it's like to be cloned from the cloned party, and I imagine that it leaves you with the feeling of needing to crawl out of your own skin with discomfort.

And then he gets put on the other side of it. Danny Fenton, only fifteen, was cloned not even half a year ago, finding out he is a clone. And reactions, I imagine, can vary from person to person. But to him, it feels like something got stolen from him, like someone took a hole puncher and stuck it right into his chest and stole a chunk of himself from him.

It changes nothing about him and yet it changes everything. It's a betrayal on it's own to just find out he was a clone and they didn't tell him for fifteen years -- it shouldn't mean anything, because he's still Danny, and yet it means everything. It's him, it's him, it's about him. It's his personhood. It's about the fact that a load-bearing rock in his identity just crumbled beneath his feet and now there's a rockslide.

Because then he finds out that they used the wrong DNA. Its like pouring salt in an open wound. He's not even related to his parents or his sister, when for years he thought he was. It's the fact that pieces of his identity that he's been so secure in for so long just got ripped away from him in an instant. Then they tell him -- only through his own horrified prompting -- that the person whose DNA they used -- Bruce Wayne -- didn't even know he existed. That they accidentally used the wrong DNA, then didn't tell the person whose DNA they used.

The betrayal of being lied to for years turns really quickly into horror at his own existence. Something very similar to the horror he felt at being cloned and the skin-crawling discomfort that made him feel like his own skin wasn't really his. And then its not. It's actually not. Nothing but his own name feels like it belongs to him anymore -- not his hair, not his eyes, not his heart or his lungs, nothing feels like his anymore and he didn't know what that felt like until it was gone.

It's a question of Nature Vs. Nurture -- where does the line of "nature" begin and where does the line of "nurture" end? What of him is actually his? What of him is Bruce Wayne's? It's not logical, it's not supposed to be. It's a load-bearing wall on the house of his identity being destroyed and now everything else is caving down in on him. What belongs to Danny, what belongs to Bruce Wayne?

[toruq]

brittany and lisa in the ol days (＾▽＾)

[sparring-spirals]

thinking about this excellent post by @nothingwithdignity , and this excellent post by @pocketgalaxies, and chewing through my walls thinking about the distinctions of giving in and giving up and letting go. and about control, even the dregs of it, up until the last bitter second.

Imogen is holding onto so much, so tightly. Imogen is white knuckling it through so much of her life. I've joked about her getting ruthless and terrifying in battles, about destressing and decompressing but- even at her most furious, even pressing buttons and blinded by adrenaline. Imogen has always been choosing, whenever she can.

She couldn't control the nightmares, she couldn't control the voices, she couldn't control getting the powers at all. She can't even control the way fear and love and rage bubble up inside of her.

But she can choose- when to use her powers and abilities. And who to use them on. When things get dicey, she chooses- coldly, quickly, smoothly, a little handful of control in a raging storm.

And then that fucking battle-

In order, the degradation of control, the degradation of choice. Is devastating.

Trying to run. Trying to fight. Trying to kill. Trying to negotiate.

Trying to give up.

Trying to give up.

A losing choice is still a choice you make. Imogen could not demand her friends safety in exchange for herself. (She was still trying to demand it. She was still trying, so hard, to force it, force anything. Grasping at straws. Grasping at a semblance of control.)

Otohan says, "Is she your favorite?" and Imogen-

(Grasping. Scrabbling hands, bloodied fingertips, anything, ANYTHING-)

"I'll go with you! I give in!" And Imogen smiles, like she's still trying to charm, like it will sweeten the deal. Like there's a deal at all. "Please don't hurt her."

(A losing deal is still a deal. Offering yourself is distinct from being taken.)

"Ah but see, you don't just choose to give in. You let go, when the moment's right."

(To be nitpicky: Giving in implies some control over the outcome. Letting go-)

Laudna falls. (To be nitpicky: Otohan kills her.)

Imogen doesn't let go. Imogen doesn't let go. Imogen has been trying, for at least three rounds, with increasing desperation, to give in, to give up, to let go, compromising and compromising and getting laid bare and letting rope run out of her hands. But it hasn't run out, yet. She's still holding on, to something, anything, hands painted in blood. Its not all hers.

Imogen doesn't let go. She fails a save. The storm takes her. The storm takes her. The storm takes her.

(There is a difference between letting go, and losing your grip.)

What does it mean- what does it mean- when you have everything to lose, when you have lost everything-

and you still, can't quite, let go.

What does that make you?

[savage-rhi]

😳

[mieczyhale]

i didn't think i could get any more useless and my ocd really said "bet"

[moe-broey]

A closer look at my young Askr siblings designs! Sharena's kind of constantly fluctuates, but I've always had a really clear vision for an early teen Alfonse.

[non-un-topo]

The irony of trying to start a "pain journal" but being too fatigued and having too much brain fog from said pain to start one

[ehnrat]

I had initial thoughts of what Raine’s (Bunie’s) ex looked like but I forgor U_U I’ll figure it out

[icewindandboringhorror]

... how am I meant to get any sort of restful sleep when it's like 85F indoors in my bedroom at NIGHT .. hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[irl-ichi]

this is what love is

[suboptimal-xenobiologist]

Guys I'm so incredibly sorry. My brain is currently full of gen 1 my little pony thoughts only suitable for the fictbio blog

[kingdomoftyto]

Finally (FINALLY) getting around to watching that old live performance of the Turnabout musical that's on yt!! We just finished Act 1 and it's really cool so far; they did such a fantastic job. Anyway brb in a couple hours after we finish Act 2 ✌️

[sysig]

Spin the wheel and get assigned a mood (Patreon)

[kavehater]

I honestly wish people cared more about depression and other issues rather than saying they care but scrutinise a person so horribly when they show symptoms associated with said condition 🧎‍♀️

[neverendingford]

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