#My writer brain has already been cooking ideas and I think it could be fun

[ghoulinfuschia]

Seeing how… passionate you are with VTuber rigging, do you plan to make different models depending on your fandoms? Like if for example you go back to Homestuck, would you make a troll-sona model?

OKAY NGL,,, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS.

Seeing as making models for myself would be relatively easy I did consider making models for different fandom-sonas, the only issue is if I switched my model a lot it would kinda make me harder to recognize I feel. Although a workaround I thought about was maybe having my robo-sona be my default? I have been told I act like a robot anyways (not cold and unfeeling, but I was told I "glitch" a lot? I still don't know what that means IUDEFU).

My idea for my model was to have her be a cybergirl so being made of pixels would make it easy for her to shapeshift anyways??? Maybe?? Idk Im still workshopping that- BUT ANYWHO, A TROLLSONA MODEL IS V MUCH A POSSIBILITY. I think that could be very fun.

[dappervoided]

Docs vacation to Quesadilla Island!

So I watched Docm77 last Hermitcraft season 9 episode today and RAN to make this.

More so on the topic!

He needed to take a break and get his creative juices flowing? What's a better break (nightmare) than to come enjoy the island for a short while!

I've been spinning around the idea of Qsmp and Hermitcraft crossover since the start of Qsmp. There's so many ideas in my brain about this topic even though it'll never actually happen! I'm so sorry, but some things are bound to get out of my daydreams and materialize into doodles!

I think Doc would LOVE the eggs! Not to mention all the cute creatures they'd show him! He'd get attached instantly, they're too adorable!

I could only fit 3 here without making it too busy, but I wanna expand on what I could see the interactions being. Massive ramblings, often grammatically incorrect ahead:

Sunny - now we all know she's a material princess, they'd love Docs bedtime stories about the diamond pillar wars and his incredible contraptions made of diamond in the Perimeter and all the riches he had. Now Tubbo not only has Pierre to watch out for, but Doc also, cause Sunny would beg him to make stuff out of diamonds to show off!

Empanada - she'd clock in instantly that Doc is a German and would try speaking to him in German every moment she got. Now she has both her mom Niki and Doc to talk in her language to! It's not much of an expansion, but she appreciates it a lot! They'd have many delightful conversations and Doc is always happy to have her build little things together. They learn from each other!

Ramon - besides finally having another redstone genius with an entire Hivemind on the server, Ramon would be interested in how Doc works - both in a cyborg way and in the way he creates mind-blowing, game breaking contraptions. If they're not destroying the server together for fun, they're not making the most of their time! Jk, but it do be nice when both of them get to hang out and show each other what they discovered that's scuffed on the server.

Some eggs that aren't drawn:

Chayanne - finally! Another farmer came around! Chayanne would show off his impressive potato farm and cooking skills to Doc, who will always be amazed at the kids dedication! Doc can finally have his tomato farm in a Minecraft world now, since the mods allow it! It is too free for everyone to use

Tallulah - If she would show Doc the incredible builds she made and her and her papas place, he would be moved to tears! Everything is made with such love and incredible amounts of effort and thought! From her farm of all possible plants, to her garden and to El Cielo De Las Tortugas. Such incredible places to visit and appreciate! And Tallulahs amazing way of storytelling would only serve to amplify those feelings

Dapper - now besides trying cage trap Doc 1000x times, Dapper would definitely show off everything he got once he discovers that Doc is deeply amused and surprised by all the non vanilla things! They would invite Doc to their base to show everything and I mean EVERYTHING there is for show. It's definitely too much, but Doc is very impressed by her and would praise how much work she puts in! Dapper do be the definition of GRIND!

Leo - Leo and her dads made so many incredible builds, Doc would be amazed at how much they did in such a short time! Besides that Leo herself is an incredibly, theatrically even, good at body language and expression! He'd die of cuteness and laughter like all of us already do!

Pomme - we all know that Pomme has so many talents! From being a little musician, to an incredible warrior, to a thought out builder and a spectacularly emotional writer. There's a lot Doc will have to slowly discover about Pomme! And each time the scale and depths of things will get more and more impressive, because the share amounts of time and effort she puts into her creations, passions and loved ones is massive!

Pepito - this kid! Pepito is such an incredible character to be around! Pepito is so dedicated to whatever Pepito does, especially if it's with friends! Whenever Pepito has fun, it always radiates outwards in many different ways! You can't really help yourself but get charged up with energy when you're around. And Doc does just that!

Richarlyson- Richas is a lot in the best ways possible! But we all know he's very much a jokester, he wouldn't miss a beat trying to mess with the goat! And once he finds out what kinds of retaliations Docs is capable of? OH IT'S WAR (for fun, cause that's what it's all about!)

I'm sorry if this is chaotic at some parts or lacking in others, I have to write this all in one go before my battery dies. I haven't been able to watch many streams so I'm sorry if Im not up to date with the characters, but that is what I remember them as! Any corrections or lore updates are always welcome! I want to learn more, especially now that I can't watch!

Anyhow, now that I look back on that drawing why do I feel like I've done something terrible.... I've seen those designs before......

OH NO

[big-wet-cas-eyes]

Welcome to my Destiel fic masterlist for 2022! I wrote a lot early on in the year, and sort of fell off toward the end, but I still wrote 85,000 words this year and I'm proud of that. I'm hoping I can get back into things next year so cross your fingers for me that inspiration strikes!

Thank you to all of my followers (and anyone who has read anything I've written) for your kind words when I do write things, and for sharing things that you liked. Having fanfiction as a creative outlet has been one of my favorite things in the last couple of years, and I'm so grateful to this fandom for how supportive and kind everyone is to a new writer.

Onto the fics!

Longer fics:

life was a willow | 34k words | E

Written for Pinefest with amazing art done by the incredible @betanoiz. I think this is my favorite fic I've ever written, and I still can't even describe how happy it made me to see the artwork that brought it to life. It's mindblowing to me that my story is the reason such breathtaking art exists.

When Dean’s favorite author becomes a regular at his bar, Dean knows he’s done for. He never could have anticipated the intense feelings that blossomed for the talented Castiel. There’s just one thing standing in his way of being with Castiel the way he truly wants: Castiel is waiting for his soulmate. Dean has spent his entire life hating the concept of soulmates. He just wants to live his life without the universe intervening. If the only way he can keep Castiel in his life is by swallowing his feelings, then that’s what he’ll do.

angels roll their eyes | 8k words | M

Written for the DeanCas Reverse bang inspired by an awesome piece of art done by the wonderful @birbgalaxy (and some delightful chapter dividers that make me smile every time I think of them). I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a fic. It's hilarious, if I do say so myself, and I don't think I would have ever come up with this idea without the art prompt.

The plan is simple enough: if there’s already an angel using Dean as a vessel, then Michael can’t trick Dean into saying “yes.” So Castiel will wear Dean’s body for a few weeks and then leave as soon as Michael is out of the picture. That’s how it’s supposed to go at least.

where the spirit meets the bones | 22k words | M

Written for the DeanCas Big Bang featuring absolutely beautiful art done by the THEEE @wigglebox. I wasn't sure if I would ever finish writing this one, so I am really proud that I managed to get this one out of my brain. I was blown away by the artwork, which really sets the tone of the story.

When Dean and Sam start to investigate a haunted inn, Dean expects it to be just like any other case. But there’s a catch: the resident ghost, Cas, turns into a human for two weeks every year. Before they can move forward with the case, they have to find out what happened to give Cas this kind of afterlife. And more importantly, Dean has to figure out how to honor his commitment to hunting monsters while he’s slowly falling for a ghost.

Shorter fics:

hold on to you | 300 words | T

Dean is in desperate need of a New Year's Eve kiss.

in the refrigerator light | 2k words | T

This is one of my favorite short fics I've written.

Taking a step back from hunting means that Dean needed something to do. Getting Cas back from the Empty was a big win for them, the kind of win that can't be followed up. So he started in on his current passion project: his cooking YouTube channel.

boots beneath my bed | 2k words | M

This is another favorite short fic of mine.

Dean finds out his favorite TV character is bisexual and promptly loses his shit.

ice frozen ground | 3k words | M

Dean doesn't know much about his neighbor. He doesn't even know his name. All he knows is that he’s hot. And that this guy runs, no matter what the weather is. Apparently, not even a blizzard can keep Dean's neighbor from his daily run.

come back...be here | 1k words | T

“Dean?” Cas says. He’s still looking down at the tiny stuffed bundle in his hands. “Is this supposed to be me?” So sue him. He made a stuffed version of Cas to hold onto when he misses his friend.

sunshine on the street | 2k words | T

Dean and Cas go on a hunt. Things don't go as planned.

get in the car | 1k words | T

When Castiel thinks the mechanic working on his car might be trying to rip him off, he does what anyone would do: He calls Dean Winchester.

forty-three pies | 5k words | M

Dean celebrates his 43rd birthday.

holy tax accountant | 4k word | T

Sam refuses to do Dean's taxes this year. Enter Castiel Novak, the hottest tax accountant Dean has ever seen.

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

Writing Questions Tag Game!

I was tagged by @darsynia and I'll do my best to answer these questions! Some seem very thought-provoking for a Saturday when my brain wants to just lie around and indulge!

What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had?

I always always hate these favorite questions. I feel like a parent being asked to choose a favorite child, and I'm not one of those parents who could have a favorite child. I mean, I guess for the sake of the question, one of my favorites, at least, is Hemispheres, which is a WIP (not abandoned!) Frostiron series that uses some canon but diverges from canon as well. I could also say that Outside the dawn is breaking (But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free), a Scott/Logan X-Men 3 Fix-it WIP is another favorite. Also another idea that is a favorite is an original story idea that I haven't begun writing yet that involves two of my favorite things: food/cooking and writing, but I won't go into details about that one right now.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

About my writing? I don't think so. Most people don't ask me questions about my writing.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part of being a writer is losing myself in the stories I create. Putting myself into the characters and living vicariously through them. I also really dig the positive feedback I get. I could really do without people who want to tell me how *they* would prefer my stories be written to suit their particular niche needs/wants. Or telling me, someone with degrees in language and writing, how something is supposed to be punctuated based on their views on Old People Writing vs. Young (obviously more correct) People Writing.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

To have fun. To, again, live vicariously through the stories and characters. To exercise my empathy for the characters. Also I know that while my writing isn't the most popular out there, I still have a small crowd that is made happy by my writing, so that's a good motivation for me.

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

Well, when I first started writing, I was 12 years old, and at that time, I'd probably have wanted to know how much easier using a computer made writing compared to writing by hand. Of course, when I was 12, my parents couldn't have afforded a personal computer (I'm 50 now, so do the math). My brother bought the first personal computer after he got out of the army (I was 14-15 then), and he always offered to let me write on it and save my writing, but I wasn't interested at the time. Plus any of that wouldn't have easily been salvageable between then computers to now computers.

What is your favourite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

Favorite original story: It was a short story I wrote for a short story class and later published in my college's publication, Windward Review. It's called Two Minutes Too Late, after the Alanis Morrisette's song, "Ironic," about a man on death row who doesn't belong there and who's already injected by the time the call comes to stay his execution. It was pretty personal, and those who know me know why.

Favorite finished fanfic: Probably a toss-up between Behind Blue Eyes and Never Piss Off a Telepath; Or How Logan Opened His Mouth and Said a Stupid Thing

What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

I don't quite understand this question. Meaning a favorite quote from something I've written? Again, I hate picking favorites of anything, esp with my writing. LOL

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Most controversial mindsets would be Emma Frost, Loki, and Tony Stark, I would think. Probably even Scott Summers, to be honest. I don't feel they're controversial (they're not controversial to me, that is), but so many people hate Scott just for existing because they think he's just a stick in the mud/stick up his ass boring leader who, for a time, "picked the wrong girl" (aka he chose Emma Frost for a while instead of the redhead). I think Emma is controversial because she came between Scott and said redhead, and many people like to label her a slut (and trust me, it's not just dudes labeling her that; I've argued with so many women about Emma as well) - I think she's also controversial because people who love or hate her only see her as this BDSM domme and that's the whole of her character instead of her actual *job* for a while that is not the whole of herself. I and a few other people don't write her in that way, and I think our vision of Emma therefore becomes controversial because we write her more humanized than some one-dimensional bimbette. Same with Loki, tbh. He's controversial because you've got the people who just hate him because he's a villain and he stabbed Thor (without looking into the potential reasons why he stabbed Thor - look, I have a brother whom I love but who behaves in a very Thor manner - dismissive, gaslighting, condescending, bullying - and sometimes I wish I could get away with stabbing him where he'd heal just fine from it but otherwise would know that I was pissed off at his bullshit). He's also controversial when you have writers who ONLY write him as this humiliation-kink, abuse-loving (as in thinking he deserves to be abused and loves to be abused), 24/7 BDSM-living character who can only be written wallowing in angst and these writers get annoyed at those of us who don't write him this way. And Tony - well, he's controversial because people just love to hate on Tony because he's Tony.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I think the 12 year old me would be disappointed af that at 50, we aren't published, we aren't romantically or physically where we thought we'd be. I think 12 year old me would be thrilled that our smut writing improved A LOT over the years, so there's that. I think 12 year old me would see that what we thought our aspirations were didn't quite get us where we wanted to be, so maybe they would take some different turns to achieving the writing success but not the academic success. Definitely they would insist on getting the hell out of Texas much earlier, avoid the whole shitty marriage, and discover who we were all along much earlier, not to mention set boundaries so much earlier in life.

Thanks for tagging me!

Tagging: @scottxlogan, @mcfiddlestan, @kleenexwoman, @chaotic-hypnotic-erotic, @chaoticgardenbread, @renlybaratheon-tyrell, @just-fandomthings, @securitybreach, @endlesstwanted, @cerylid, @sivan325

[writing-for-life]

I’m A NaNoWriMo Winner - But It Doesn’t Feel Like Winning

I went over the finishing line today with a bit more than 52,000 words. Supposedly, that’s a cause for celebration. And in a way, it is. I wrote those words in one month. I wrote every day, sometimes a lot, sometimes only a paragraph. I persevered.

But in perseverance also lies a conundrum, because my goal for this NaNoWriMo had mostly been to relax. I didn’t want to work on current WiPs this year, because I didn’t want any additional pressure to push ahead with something that’s already cooking, or to even finish something. That’s why I decided to write fan-fiction. No plotting in advance, total start from scratch on day one.

I have published several (mostly steamy) romance novels, all under a pen name (if I told you, I would need to kill you, because this account is specifically for no-pressure-writing, pointless stanning and general shit-posting). I have social media accounts for my pen name, and I also have social accounts under my real name, where I post scientific writing/non-fiction/work-related stuff. I felt burned out, so I didn’t want to do any of these things.

And then this happened:

The “no-pressure NaNoWriMo” really backfired.

I’m not a plotter, so I usually start wherever my fancy takes me and develop it from there. It’s a process that has always worked for me, and it works for me because I spend time on it. A lot of time. Not just four weeks.

This one was different. I started with the intention to have fun and go right in with the steamy stuff. And then my own attachment to the subject matter got in the way, because I just couldn’t write it the way I normally would. So I didn’t. There’s still ample (gratuitous) sex, but it’s a lot softer and less explicit than I normally write. I’m fine with that, but it has its own challenges, so call that obstacle one.

Obstacle two: I wanted to keep it lighthearted, but my weird writer brain didn’t agree, and it turned really dark in places. Much more serious than I had intended. Which made the whole thing feel disjointed: Serious stuff - Fluff - Serious stuff - Fuckery.

Obstacle three: I got strange ideas that I needed to research, look into, develop, start plotting out (which the pantser in me hates, but needs must). And I still have a lot of gaps and plot holes to fill so the whole thing makes sense.

I now have 52,000 words, and they are nowhere near a finished novel. Not that it has to be a finished novel, but I want to finish it. And I also don’t. Because finishing it, and developing it into something I even remotely like, will require a lot of work (like an additional 50,000 words type of work). And do I want to put that work into something I just started for fun?

I could walk away from it now, post it here or on Ao3 and not give a hoot. I know there will be people in the fandom who don’t care as long as there’s enough you-know-what (which they have to wait for a bit, since this isn’t a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am short).

But I do give a hoot, because I care about writing.

Long story short: I don’t think writing will ever be a relaxing experience for me. Why do I love it so much when it gives me so much brain pain?

[dolliedarlin]

Hi I’m one of the anons who’s obsessing over the P.A series!!!!! For some reason my brain has been full w diff things that could happen IDKKK! Hope u don’t mind if I dump a few....

TW: this is A bunch of rambling and some grammar errors LMAO sorry

Idk y I c y/n having a stalker💀 this prob sounds rlly weird but hear me out. (To add drama, also I Lowkey wanna c Mina,Sero and kiri get mad idk y-)

Since we all know y/n is the baddest most sophisticated b*tch (sorry idk if I’m allowed to cuss or not LMAO) her Ex lover is still obsessed w her and thinks that they are soulmate even tho they obv aren’t. I feel like y/n knows he stalks her but she ignores it until it gets worst. Like he found out where she lives. (He finds out where she lives while she’s sick which is now loll)

Anyways I feel like Mina would be over at y/ns place and since she’s getting better they are In her living room talking abt who knows what and y/n gets a knock on her door she goes to open it and admittedly closes it looking shocked. Mina being a pro hero is  supposed to be able to read body language. Mina ask her if everything is Alr and y/n OFC (stupid a**) says yes. Mina didn’t want to keep pressing the issue so she dropped it until it became a reoccurring thing with y/n and it’s not just her that noticed. She (y/n) is extremely hesitant to open the door and when she does she opens it a little bit. (And then idk her EX does crazy like breaks into her apt and scares the sh** outa y/n) THIS IS WHERE MY BIG IDEA STOPS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 that was a lotta rambling my apologies

Have a great day dollie!

oh no! please don’t feel bad, it’s always fun for me seeing what you dolls would want to happen next

although i don’t plan on bringing any psycho exes into ‘the p.a’ series, as a writer and an avid daydreamer, i can’t help but play around with this idea 

warning: there are brief mentions of violence ; this is not a part of ‘the p.a’ series but is just a little thought that i just couldn’t help but try my own hand at also ; i didn’t edit this either 😂 so kindly forgive any grammatical/spelling mistakes 

continuing on from your idea...

⏤mina, having the sneaking suspicion that something bad might happen to you that night, notifies the rest of the group later on that day

⏤usually, bakugou was in charge of you during the night and always sat in a chair beside your bed on high alert, ready to serve your every need...

⏤BUT!

⏤now that mina told them about your suspicious behaviour, all of them were put on high alert. 

⏤they all agreed to keep you unaware of their intentions by having bakugou take care of you like usual but they made sure that when on the night patrol, they were close by with their radios on and constantly being hyper aware of the shortest route to your residence from wherever they were situated - just in case of an emergency 

⏤naturally, they trusted bakugou with keeping you safe but that didn’t mean that they had no worries for you at all 

⏤seeing as you usually feel asleep before bakugou switched with the sero, who took care of you in the late evening, you were under the impression that you were alone at home 

⏤your current condition disallowed you from comfortably staying awake so you were constantly tossing and turning in bed, brows furrowed and sweating more than usual

⏤”what is she dreaming about?” bakugou utters in frustration as he continues to wipe away the vastly accumulating sweat rom your wrinkled brows

⏤he wasn’t frustrated at you no no, he was annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t make you comfortable no matter how many wet towels he uses to cook your forehead or wipe your sweat clean off your skin 

⏤as the night progresses, you eventually fall into a dreamless sleep, far too exhausted to continue stressing over your ex with the added burden of your fever on your body

⏤nevertheless, bakugou continues being on high alert at all times except for when he momentarily leaves to room so as to go to the toilet 

⏤this was the perfect opportunity for your crazy ex to sneak into your room via the window bakugou left ajar so as to help cool you down better 

⏤your ex was a creepy and disgusting man - someone that you had grown to dislike the more you got to know him and naturally left as quickly as you were able to 

⏤what followed was harassment to the highest degree, thankfully you were able to protect yourself due to your self defence training and quirk, however, it didn’t take away the shuddering feeling of being watched constantly

⏤you grew paranoid and extremely fidgety over time and eventually filled for a restraining order. unfortunately, that didn’t work and left you to deal with the situation yourself

⏤you were naive enough to think that you had shaken him after a particularly horrible beating he took from you in self defence. he had come at you with a knife but you were able to disarm him and send him limping home with a dislocated arm, a black eye and a bruised ribcage 

⏤over time, you got busy with work and slowly forgot about him, it wasn’t until today that you were reminded of his crazy obsession with you and were thrown into a panic 

⏤believing that you were alone at night and in your most vulnerable state, you didn’t feel safe and sought to deal with the situation however you could, even in your dreams

⏤all attempts were in vain, however

⏤bakugou, returning from his momentary break to the toilet came back just in time to see your creepy ex hovering over your sleeping figure. as if you sensed the unpleasant existence stalking you, your body stiffened under the blankets and you began to breathe uncomfortably, beginning to sweat bucket-fulls once more

⏤not wanting to disturb your sleep as rest was the top priority for you, bakugou crept up from behind the unknown figure and instantly went for his neck, choking him into silence as he dragged his thrashing figure outside, far away from you all the while sending a emergency signal to the rest of the squad 

⏤in no time at all, the rest of the squad arrived and had your crazy ex cornered. at this time he had already been tied up by bakugou and was ready for a quick chat 

⏤”what the hell were you doing with our yn?” kirishima began, sharp teeth grinding together as he clenched his jaw 

⏤silence 

⏤”speak up, we can’t fucking hear you,” bakugou spat as the others glared on from beside him, their eyes piercing through the moonlight and darkness of the night 

⏤”y-yn isn’t yours - that’s the first thing,” your ex finally cracked, giggling creepily in between 

⏤”you’re right,” sero began, “yn doesn’t belong to anyone so why were did you break into her house,” it took everything in sero not to lash out but they needed answers

⏤”wrong again!” your ex sang, “she doesn’t belong to you, she belongs to me! i’m her boyfriend!”

⏤”yn doesn’t have a boyfriend,” kaminari spoke up

⏤”that’s right! and if she did, we would have known,” mina agreed

⏤“that’s because she doesn’t know it yet, we broke up but we’ll get back together again soon” the tied up man giggled to himself, “it’s only a matter of time before she realises her mistake and she comes back to me,” 

⏤the team of heroes didn’t know what to say, they were so shocked and appalled at what they were seeing and hearing that they couldn’t bring themselves to utter a single word of response, they only listened further

⏤”i hoped she’d come back soon, anyway...but i was getting impatient so i had to try and convince her a little more. she’s been ignoring my love for her all this time, she can’t continue rejecting me for long...” he laughs, “i bet she misses it”

⏤“miss what...?” bakugou didn’t want to know but it had to be said

⏤”i bet she misses being with me. she’s so beautiful and so soft to the touch, she always smells good too and she has such a lovely voice - i want her all to myself, she doesn’t deserve to be anybody else’s”

⏤it was then that the team of heroes just about lost their minds. the creep before them didn’t say anything explicit but the madness in his eyes and the harrowing smile he was displaying was off putting. they dread to imagine what a lowlife nasty sob like him put you through but they saw flashes of unforgivable scenes that sent all of them into insanity 

⏤someone so precious to them didn’t deserve any such treatment. you may not have disclosed anything to them strict on being professional but if this man was willing to break into your house...they were fearful to think about what else he was capable of

⏤he deserved a beating from that act alone, actually, and a beating he got

⏤they could’ve killed the guy - they were more than tempted to and it would have been so easy...but he deserved to suffer in jail for his crimes against you so they held back no matter how painful that was for them 

⏤the very next day, under their authority and recommendation, the man was locked up for as many years as they could tally up and seeing as they were heroes, they were able to look into his past documentations and found you had filed a restraining order for him under harassment, assault and a number of other things they grew all the more furious at the more the read

⏤they would prefer it if you didn’t realise what they did that night but the media couldn’t let the story of 5 high class pro heroes sending a singular, beaten man to jail for life

⏤your creepy ex’s battered photos were all over the news and you were so incredibly grateful  

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

[seelestia]

😉 friends who brainrots together sticks together! sldkfjlsdf that is good to know… i guess… hyv please have mercy on us...

it’s actually a good habit, keeps your writer brain engaged and all! besides, i’m always happy to hear your thoughts and what you think about certain characters!!

‘musings of golden reverie’ is such a nice tag hehe

i can’t help but slip in that yandere vibes slfkjsldf sorry about that!

o-oh….. oh no…… oh nooooo poor bby albedo and poor reader ;w; i mean i wouldn’t really complain susbedo is kinda… yknow winkwink i mean what

*straightens glasses* hmmm. doctor, this seems like a very bad case of simp. the patient has shown severe symptoms and i believe it has surpassed chronic stage. unfortunately we don’t seem to have any treatments available. a lost cause, you could say…. /j

if you feel like it, why not!! long fics and series are fun to do if you feel inspired enough to do it! would totally read them if you ever decide to try branching out~ then again i would read anything from you sooo <3 <3 <3

*one-shots the glass of water* needed that after neglecting my water intake for the day, thanks💧

- 💠

hehe, as brainrot comrades, i am virtually linking arms with you! >:) atp, i'm just expecting hoyoverse to take more of my tears and give them to you (/j) but the last time i remembered crying over genshin was over ei's second story quest ;(

my silly writer brain jfkekdmsk thank you, anon! i'm always happy to hear your opinions and perspectives of characters too, so feel free to gush about any of them in my inbox anytime and i'll scream + write up a little smth for you like i always do, hehe <3

oh, no need to be sorry! it was fun adding a little to that brainrot, especially of such an interesting concept! susbedo, primordial albedo, subject 2, he's a strange man of many names, indeed.

actually, i like the thought of naming him, 'rubedo' which is one of the four stages of alchemy; albedo being the second and stands for whiteness + illumination, and rubedo the fourth and stands for redness + transformation — i don't call him by this name, but the thought is nice! >:)

also, susbedo x reader??? oh my 👀 helping him to be comfortable in his own identity instead of wanting to steal albedo's??? teaching him basic techniques such as cooking and conversing with others??? watching mondstadt in the distance peacefully as the both of you sit atop a snow-covered hill with a bonfire??? coughs sheer cold exists so the fire has to third wheel (/lh)

no, anon, you shall not diagnose me as a lost cause because what about you??? *shoves a picture of zhongli to your face* (/lh) also, i've been in a heizou and ayato brainrot these days, help??? fwjcjkske people i can have intellectual convos with while bantering playfully with them >>> — speaking of, what are your type, anon? i already have an answer in mind, but i wanna hear what you think first! obv, you know yourself best >:)

aaaaa, you're one of my best supporters ever, i swear !! (/pos) i'd love to be a supporter of yours too like i can just taste how exquisite your writing is just by talking with you <3 will the day ever come where me and 💠 anon become writing moots? maybe??? 👀 only if you're comfy ofc! but like i said, my so-called intuitions tell me your writing would be a chef's kiss. i just know it deep in my soul !!

and ofc! if an idea for a long fic or a series ever hit me, you'll be the first person i'll tell the secret to 🤫 no need for announcements when i got my 💠 anon with me, hehe~

not the one-shot term being used against a glass of water fkejwijdkek channeling our inner hatred for weekly bosses to innocent glasses of water, this is the level of wrath we have stooped to 🚶 (/j)

[slashscowboyboots]

Happy Taco Truck: Ice Cream Dreamboat (Part 1)

(all photo credit goes to owners)

I know it’s only been months, but it feels like years since I’ve shared a fic!  This is a continuation of @no-stone-no-bone​‘s awesome fic Duff’s Doughnuts (link here).  I agree with Skyler, I’d love to see other writers write about the different food trucks and make this a series.  This was supposed to be a one-shot, but as I am physically incapable of writing short fics, this is a two-parter.  Buckle in!

Tag list: @izzysdenimjacket​ @no-stone-no-bone​ @sexcoffeeandrockandroll​ @awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands​ @smokeandmirrorz​ @sodalitefully​​ @roger-taylors-car​​  @harley-m-rose​ if you’d like to be tagged let me know, we all know how wonderful the tags work though

Warnings: language, sibling promiscuity, lonely cooking, terminal embarrassment, Axl and Tracii are Axl and Tracii

Thunk thunk thunk.

It was another scorcher inside your food truck, the vicious heat wafting off the griddle pummeling your face as you deftly raked your spatula through a pile of crisping beef tips, then piled them into a fluffy shell, handing it off for your sister Skyler to kiss with your award-winning cilantro lime crema and hand out to the customer.

You couldn’t resist moving up to the open side to watch the patron, a long-haired man wearing a nose chain with “Endless Burgers” stitched on his shirt, take a bite of your creation, then bend at the knees from ecstasy and dig a ten dollar bill from his pocket, stuffing it in your tip jar.

It has been gangbusters during the lunch rush in The Circle, the informal name given to the parking lot of ornery hooligans who fed the masses during the day and lingered behind late in the evening for a bit of recreational hell-raising. 

There was a plethora of culinary delights scattered around you, including Duff’s Doughnuts, Tracii and Phil’s Sno-Cones, Stoney & Cready’s Homewrecker Corndogs, and Jon and Richie’s Jersey Essentials (you never really knew what they were selling, apart from Aqua Net and the occasional cheesesteak, but after they began offering rippers-deep fried hot dogs-Skyler made frequent trips over to ask Richie if she could eat his weenie).  And from what you heard, they all knew how to throw down at night.

You never stayed to find out, though.  Your shyness forced you to fire up Helen the Happy Taco truck and drive home, leaving Skyler behind to do God-knows-what to who-knows-what, and you arrived in the mornings to find her either helping Kelly from Nickels’ BBQ feed his pink-painted porcine smoker, both of them covered in hickeys, or nearly trading blows with the loudmouth redhead who ran the ice cream truck.

Today, however, you’d found her with someone new.  When you pulled into the lot, you saw her with her arms wrapped around a guy with long hair wearing a flannel shirt and shorts, gazing raptly into his piercing blue eyes.  “Bye, Ed,” she murmured, pecking a kiss on his mouth.

“Who was that?” you asked, your eyebrows shooting skywards.

“Produce man,” she answered quickly.

“Were you getting us a good deal?’

“You know it.”

You peeled your gloves off and wiped your sweating face with a paper towel, trying to blot off as much grease as possible.  “I’m taking a break.  I need some ice cream.”

“I got you a frozen lemonade on my break.  It’s gonna taste like shit when you drink it with that ice cream.”

“I don’t care.”

“Punch that dick Axl in the face while you’re over there.  He’s on my last fucking nerve.”

You trudged down to “Axl and Izzy’s Frozen Delights,” eager to leave the brutal swelter inside your truck.  Standing in front of their window, you bent backwards and cracked your aching back, then a raspy voice asked, “Can I help you?”

You looked up into the most beautiful doe eyes you’d ever seen, hazel verging on gold in the afternoon sunlight, belonging to a guy with messy brown hair tied back with a bandanna, and suddenly your feet didn’t hurt anymore.  “Hi,” you said faintly.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling at you, and you felt your breath leave you.  “I’m Izzy, who might you be?”

“Y/N.”

“What can I get for you?”

Your brain instantly forgot how to make words.  “Cone,” you muttered.

His smile grew even bigger.  “What do you want in your cone?”

“Ice cream.”

He chuckled softly.  “What kind?”

“I don’t know.”

Those gorgeous eyes were full of merriment, crinkling at the corners.  “You don’t know?”

“No.”  Get ahold of yourself, you’re sounding like a moron.  “Uh, chocolate?”

“Sure.  I mean, as long as you’re sure about that.”  He winked at you, then turned to the freezer case behind him, and you got an exquisite view of his perfect ass, your mouth open and your breath coming in gasps, then he turned around and grinned, catching you mid-gawk, and you immediately wanted the earth to swallow you up.

“Thank you,” you blurted when he handed you your cone, then you turned to leave.  

“Uh, Y/N?”

“Uh huh?”  You couldn’t believe he was going to prolong putting up with your awkward ass.  

“Aren’t you going to pay me?”

“Oh,” you said, humiliation bringing a knot to your throat, and you handed him a crumpled pile of bills and scuttled away before you could cry.

“Sis, you mind if I head out a little early?” you asked.  “I’ve got a headache and I want to go home.”

“Sure.  I think we’re done for today.  You sure you’re okay?”

You hadn’t said a word all afternoon, just cooked and sweated and tried not to think about what a failure you were.  This was why you didn’t stick around at night, even though you longed to, to laugh and have fun with all the crazy characters around you.  Because you’d fuck it up if you did.

Why wasn’t I born normal? you thought bitterly.  Why am I the disaster in the family?

“Yeah,” you said quietly.  “I’m fine.”

That’s why your tacos were so delicious.  Because you were such a loser, you stayed home and perfected them instead of going out and having a life.  With no demands on your personal time, you discovered that lime made your chicken taco sing, while a little tomato sauce was the secret to juicier ground beef.

Your loneliness was the key to Happy Taco’s success.  

And you’d give everything you knew away just to be cool for five minutes.

“OPEN UP!!” a male voice hollered.  Bam!  Bam!  Bam!  “Little pig, little pig, let me in!”

Skyler dropped the hatch.  “Tracii!  Ferfucksakes!  We just got here!”

Tracii grinned under his bandanna.  “I wanna eat your taco.”

“It is an honor and a privilege to serve you a Happy Taco,” she answered, leaning on the counter and linking her fingers.  “However, we haven’t got anything set up and the only kind we can get you is our el pastor.”

“Okay,” he said, “gimme two,” and Skyler nodded to you.

You sliced the meat off the trompo, carefully evening out the sides, all the while reliving the embarrassment of the previous afternoon in your head.  Maybe you could drive Helen down to Baja California and start life anew, under a different name.

“Hey!” Tracii yelped, his eyes on you.  “I know you!  You’re the one Izzy was talking about last night,” and your knife nearly stabbed the metal pole holding up the pork and pineapple mass.

“Yeah,” he smiled lazily, “you are a looker, aren’t you?  How come you don’t party with us?  Izz said you seemed kinda shy.”

With your eyes wide and heart hammering, you handed the tacos to Skyler, whose mouth was hanging open in shock.

Before she could say anything, Tracii handed her his money and sauntered off, orgasmically moaning as he chewed, and Axl stepped up to the window.

“The fuck you want?” Skyler snapped.  “”It’s too early in the day for you to pick a fight, asshole.”

“I’m not here to fight,” he growled, slamming down a wad of dollars.  “This is from Izzy.  For her ice cream,” and he jutted his chin towards you.  “He says you eat for free at our truck.  The bo-both of you,”  he gritted, the agony of that idea etching deeply on his face.

“Thank you,” you smiled in surprise.

His eyes met yours, waving off your delight.  “Yeah, he’ll be down later.”

“Yes, thank you, Axl,” Skyler said.  “May we offer you an el pastor taco?”

“No,” he said, already retreating.  “Pork gives me the shits.”

Izzy did come by later, just in time for your sister to run off on her break.  

“Hi, Izzy,” you said, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Hey,” he smiled, looking delicious in his sunglasses.  “So what kind of tacos do you have?”

You recited the list.  “El pastor, carnitas, beef tips, seasoned ground beef, chicken, shrimp, and uh, lengua.”

“What’s that?”

“Uh, tongue.”

He pulled a face and stuck out his tongue, and you giggled, your shyness melting away at his goofiness.  “No, no, it’s really good.  Imagine the most tender, flavorful pot roast.  Everyone always orders seconds.”

“I think I’ll pass on the tongue, that one anyways, and have one shrimp and one chicken.  How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.  Uh, you and Axl, you eat for free here too.  Thank you, by the way, that’s very generous.”

He grinned wider, and you noticed he’d hadn’t stopped smiling at you since he showed up.  “Don’t mention it.”

You opened the shrimp and chicken containers, then threw the meat down on the griddle and moved it around, forcing yourself to focus on sauteing and not burning down the fucking truck because Izzy was outside.

He peeked in the window, looking around the interior of the truck.  “So how long have you been cooking?”

“Oh, since I was small.  I was at a stove before I could see over it.  These are all my grandmother's recipes.”  You scooped the fillings into their shells, then grabbed the crema.  

“Hey, I only ordered two,” Izzy protested when you handed him his tacos in a cardboard to-go basket.

“One of the chicken ones is Axl’s.  Consider it a peace offering.”

“Thank you.  Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if-”

“Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if I could get some fucking service around here,” a mullet-sporting, Confederate flag t-shirt wearing asshole growled, and Izzy waved, then walked away.

He returned the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, working his way through your menu and bringing you a different-flavored milkshake each time.  He loved all of the tacos he tried, even daring to sample the beef tongue, then immediately ordered another one.

“Told you,” you grinned.

He always made conversation with you while you cooked, his eyes locked on yours as he ate, but every time he finished, there was always a line to tend to, and Skyler made herself scarce as soon as she spotted him.  You never returned to his truck for ice cream, and spent your downtime cleaning the flattop, lighting out as soon as you turned over the CLOSED sign.

“You know,” your sister said to you as you turned the key in the ignition, “if you stayed, you’d probably hook up with Izzy.”

“No,” you said sadly, “I’m a hot mess.  I’d say something stupid and he’d run away.”

“Can’t talk with his tongue in your mouth,” she teased, “or some other part.”

“SKYLER!” you shrieked as she cackled, then you sighed and leaned your head against the steering wheel.  “I’m not like you.”

“You don’t have to be,” she said, leaning over and stroking your hair.  “Just give him a chance.”

“I can’t stay here and have Helen be a-a sin wagon.”

“It’s not like we have orgies!” Skyler laughed.  “At least your man doesn't.  He plays guitar and Axl sings, when he’s not being a dumbass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  And then Izzy sings, and Kelly gives me The Look and……”

“Or the produce man shows up.”

“Or Eddie the produce man shows up.”  She gave you a slight smile.  “C’mon, Sis, stay.  He likes you.”

“He doesn’t know me.”

“Then get to know him.  Axl says he’s pining.”

You looked at her in surprise.  “When did you talk to Axl?”

“When he told me that chicken taco you gave him was the best thing he’s ever had.”

You smiled at his praise, drumming your fingertips on the steering wheel.  “Maybe I’ll stay sometime.”

“Pining,” Skyler said, then hopped off the truck.

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 2x6

As promised I am done with my most stressful finals and am now posting my review albeit two weeks late, and let me say to start off that this episode would have made a fantastic season premiere.

Ghost kiddies: 1 Lamia: 0

Speaking of things I need to get off my chest wow I can’t believe the arraignment for the morgue break in finally happened. I assumed it had happened and she got off, or that everyone just forgot about it but more the fool am I. Because it is back and kicking off our second season.

And for the record as someone who despises insects and all forms of creepy crawlies with a passion this episode was a teensy bit horrific and not in the fun way.

Like I said at the top though, this episode would’ve made an amazing season premiere. It set up a whole bunch of fun new season plot lines in addition to being a killer episode in its own right. For example I’m assuming with Nancy’s 443 hours of community service to go we’ll be seeing more of Connor the Surly Coroner, and what if his flower shop wife works at the place the gang scammed a few weeks ago to get AJ Crane’s address? I mean be real how many flower shops can one small town have.

In other news I continue to yearn for Chief McGinnis to return. Like WHY in the name of all that is holy would you throw away a perfectly good, lovable book character, not to mention Native American rep, in favor of this new asshole that nobody likes? (This is only 10% me being bitter about my Tamura being AJ’s son theory not panning out.) The only (ONLY) upside to Tamura being here is that Nancy and McGinnis were becoming friends, and now we have a very rude cop for Nancy to be sassy to. “Not a real holiday.” “Not a real necktie.”

Speaking of lovable book characters, it causes me pain how Hannah and Nancy’s relationship was like shot in the head and dumped in a ditch. Like must she eternally be at odds with one of her book parental figures? For those of you who don’t know, in the books Hannah Gruen is the Drew’s housekeeper/cook, and a surrogate mother to Nancy. Like I’m thrilled that Nancy and her dad are back on good terms and working their way towards being the iconic father/daughter duo we all know and love, and I understand that Hannah has every right to be furious with Nancy, but the pain is still there.

Moving onto more lighthearted aspects of the episode, I love the balance this show has found between comedy and horror. Riverdale could never. The scene with the five of them in Nancy’s kitchen and the autopsy was comedic gold. Ace and Bess and George, fairly quickly getting on board with it, Nick convinced they all want to send him back to prison in possession of the group’s one brain cell. But then he immediately loses the brain cell because when somebody shows up AT THE FRONT DOOR, NONE OF THEM THINK to hide the body in plain view in the kitchen??? Guys! Oh and that absolutely iconic bit of dialogue: “No, we are not performing an autopsy in your kitchen!” “No you’re absolutely right Nick, we should do it in the living room there’s more space.” *wheeeeze*

So that’s the comedy now for the horror. So many little delightfully creepy moments sprinkled throughout the episode. George drifting off and singing in French, when the body in the back of the van opens its eye, when the dad stops the car and gets out and it SITS UP, when Charlie and Ted see something outside and all you can see is its silhouette, when the lamia is like sucking their souls out looking like a skeletal cretin straight from the depths of hell. Delightful.

Getting back to season long arcs, my writing sixth sense is tingling and it’s telling me the Women in White are going to be important. How? I don’t know. But there is sooo much potential. What if they’re all comatose a la Sleeping Beauty waiting for someone to call them back once some sort of evil reawakens? What if they’re immortal and walking the earth solving problems in secret? What if they were corrupted and had to be killed by their loved ones? The possibilities are endless and I’m here for it.

Time for my Drewson shipper talk so if you’re not into that skip this paragraph. Ooooh Lordy the scene with Nick and Nancy in the seamstress house made my heart do a happy little tap dance. Really any time they share the screen at the same time, but they had lines directed at each other and it was beautiful. And that gorgeous line of dialogue, “Hey, you can still fix this. No one’s gotten hurt yet.” aeexoijxoij

Now I will close out with some thoughts I had while watching.

Nancy can be so smart but also so dumb, like she hears a mysterious thumping sound and Hangs Up The Phone??? Girl it could be a human killer!

And is it just me or does it seem like if twelve children in a small town were all murdered on the same day and the killer was never caught that would be the sort of thing that lives on in town legend

Nick has the absolute WORST British accent oh my GOD. Understandable, because the actor is Scottish, so at that moment he was a guy with a Scottish accent pretending to have an American accent faking a British accent but still.

Cannot believe on their way to the Claw to stop a soul sucking spirit they had to stop at the grocery store for caramel apples and candy canes like them all running around must have been a hell of a sight for whatever sleep deprived Safeway cashier was on duty

Finally, what in god’s name is George going to tell Jesse? Not the truth I imagine, but I have no idea what possible lie she could sell. Personally I think I’d just tell her I drugged the water as a joke and gaslight her until she forgot about it.

Normally this would be the part where I theorize about what could happen in the next episode but at this point you already know what happens in the next episode so I’ll sign off with my typical schtick instead. Ahem

Writers give me Lucy Sable

[go-events]

GO Rom Com Spotlight: @wyvernquill

The amazing @wyvernquill (also WyvernQuill on AO3) has claimed Ruby Sparks to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s a little background about the source material!

About Ruby Sparks: Young author Calvin Weir-Fields (Paul Dano), once a literary darling, is having trouble composing his next novel. Following a therapist's advice, Calvin pulls out an old manual typewriter and creates a vivacious, flame-haired woman he dubs Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan). Overnight, Ruby leaps from the page into Calvin's home as a real flesh-and-blood woman. And, what's more, she's unaware that she's actually a fictional character and that her actions and feelings are dictated by whatever Calvin writes.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @wyvernquill a little better!

* * *

goromcom: Let’s begin with what Tumblr can tell me about you. You know how if you open a Tumblr chat with someone you haven't chatted to before, Tumblr tells you two things they post about? I wanted to tell you that yours reports that you post "about #fanart and #illustration". I really admire people who can draw *and* write. Do you enjoy one more than the other?

wyvernquill: Oh, don't ask me to choose between my brain-children! I love both for different reasons, and find some ideas are easier to express in writing, others through drawing; though I also love to combine the two by illustrating my fics or writing something based on some random thing I sketched during class. (I'm also a very quick artist, while my fics tend to balloon out of proportion - so "doing a quick illustration in an hour" and "writing a 102k epic" are two very different and really rather incomparable experiences!)

goromcom: Oh goodness, yes. Two very different creative outlets! But for now, let’s talk about writing. You chose to adapt Ruby Sparks as your rom com. Has this movie been a favorite of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it? 

wyvernquill: Cards on the table? I never heard of this movie before. I got very close to writing the fic without having seen it once, and only watched it a week or so ago. (And even then... it's not a *bad* movie, but, personally, I didn't grow attached to the characters at all. Just didn't really appeal to my tastes, I guess.) So, why Ruby Sparks?

Well, I made a List, capital L for significance. In the 12 hours before claims, I researched the plots of every single movie up for claiming - most of which I never heard of, clearly I don't watch enough romcoms - and categorised them into "absolutely not" "mmmmmaybe?" and "possibly", making my way through IMDB short descriptions and Wikipedia pages until the List was down to the top 10; most of which were movies I'd seen or at least heard of - except Ruby Sparks, which I chose for the simple reason that I'd ALREADY written an "accidental" AU of it.

The premise was exactly the same as roughly 3k of unfinished Doctor Who fic I scribbled together and never published, even though I was quite fond of it. I figured I could re-use my favourite elements of that fic, work off the base premise rather than the movie itself, and see where writing takes me.

goromcom: That is quite a ride! I’m a big proponent of re-introducing or recycling ideas or material that you find compelling but weren’t quite able to use before! It’s like, eco-awareness for your mind. :)

Given your history with this movie, this might be an odd question, but: What's your favorite moment of your movie, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

wyvernquill: For reasons already outlined above, this isn't really based directly on any scene of the movie, but I think Aziraphale writing his idea of a "perfect husband" (and a progressively more thinly-veiled self-insert as the main character) will be a delight!

I greatly enjoy having the subjective perception of POV characters and objective reality be comically different - "I'm an excellent cook," he said, scraping the burned remnants of what could really no longer be called an omelette onto a plate - so I think I'll have some fun there. Maybe Aziraphale will defend his Artistic Vision (And Not Wish Fulfillment At All Shut Up) to someone? I'm not sure yet.

goromcom: I have a feeling I know the answer, but let me ask it anyway. Do you plan to stick very closely to the beats of the original story, or make bigger changes?

wyvernquill: Bigger changes, definitely. I might pluck an idea or two from the movie - and, surprisingly, the rough progression of events was pretty close to what I planned anyway - but it'll be rather different. (See next answer - I might well take more from Mary Shelley than from Ruby Sparks!)

Also, I'm still a bit undecided on this, but I might actually have Aziraphale publish some of his writing about Crowley from the start, something which doesn't happen in the movie until the very end.

goromcom: What's an interesting decision you've made in your planning so far--a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, or some other plan you have to paint Good Omens all over your rom com?

wyvernquill: Well, the moral of the movie was more or less that Writer Guy--no, I don't even remember his name!--has to overcome his controlling half-neurotic nature so he can be happy both among his more easy-going family and with the freespirited Ruby. Instead, I intend to have Aziraphale struggling a la Modern Prometheus (what does it mean to create life, to play God, to have a Creature that thinks for itself?), creating a subplot that is more overtly philosophical and thought-provoking, with a hint of religiosity - the essence of what GO is to me.(Meaning the final conflict will not be Writer Guy warping Ruby into a helpless parody of herself, but instead Aziraphale growing afraid of Crowley, who's beginning to show traits he never wrote for him, attempting to "erase" him again before he loses control entirely... but it all ends happily, don't worry! ;))

goromcom: Those are some pretty interesting ideas you’re playing with! I’m looking forward to reading it. But let’s not give too much away, and move on to my last question. I am blatantly stealing this from The Good Place: The Podcast, but here goes: Tell me something "good". It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

wyvernquill: Oh, the temptation to talk about my four darling cats is Real(tm)... but instead, I want to give a little shout-out to the absolutely fantasticamazingbrilliant teacher at my university who offered a course on fanfic and fandom studies this past term, and who is letting me write my term paper on the Ineffable Fandom!!!

She's the best, lots of fun to discuss with, and research for the paper - deadline in two weeks, I've not yet started writing it, let's hope I get it finished speedily! - is an absolute delight.

(The only difficulty will be staying within the page limit... there's just so much to write about with this wonderful fandom.)

Her course was the highlight of my week, and fan studies (unsurprisingly!) turned out to be a field that really interests me. So thank you so much, Ms Fanfic Teacher, I'm very grateful for... just about everything!!! ^-^ <3

goromcom: That sounds like a fantastic class and an even better teacher. You have to admire the people who go that extra mile to inspire and lift up their students, and get them actually excited about learning.

And you know what else is going to be fantastic? The GO adaptation of Ruby Sparks, coming soon!

[theseerasures]

Ur really good at deep character diving. Got any advice at this and writing? Cus i feel like i dont know how characterize properly, or if i could i feel like i take things to extreme idk. How to know if im on the right track? Or how to write in general? Thanks 🙏🏼

well, first of all, thank you! i’m not really sure if i have any concrete advice to give about characterization and/or writing, but here are some things i thought about when i read your question:

i think a lot of advice from creatives boil down to something like: go out there! do as many things as possible! experience as much of *insert media of choice* as you can! i’ve always found this kind of suggestion extremely noble, even as i continue to blithely ignore it. i like to obsessively revisit my favorite stories over and over again. part of this might come from that for me, creation has ALWAYS been inextricable from critique–i love to understand WHY i love the things i love, and why i hate the things i hate, and to do that, you have to read and reread closely. it never feels like wasting time for me to go back to something i’m already familiar with, be it movie or book or fanfiction, because i always end up noticing different things and thinking about new concepts. reverse-engineering the things i like in other people’s work into my own work feels natural from there.

i spend a lot of time just kind of spacing out. i think this stems from being pretty susceptible to carsickness as a kid, and the fact that i didn’t get a smartphone until fairly late in the game, but it’s a non-activity that i still very much enjoy–i spend a lot of my commutes just staring out the window, i like to do things that require some kind of physical engagement like working out or cooking, and so on. my head is rarely silent, but the low volume static that happens when i’m spacing out is nice. a lot of times story/character ideas pop in my head when i’m like this–just letting myself free associate for a bit. like a few weeks ago when i was making spicy green beans my brain went “bing! after it sinks in for Elsa that she’s gonna have to cook for herself now she probably devours every recipe book she can find and the result is that whenever she cooks she makes something that tastes like it came out of the Nutro-Matic machine in Hitchhiker’s Guide–technically exactly perfect but also somehow the worst thing in the world” and then i started thinking about if other characters are good cooks and if Anna likes Northuldra cuisine and then Anna was saying “of course Kristoff likes this he’ll put anything in his mouth” while Honeymaren’s eyebrows Did the Dance of Sexual Innuendo, and that was a lot of fun! or the other day when i was in the shower my brain went “bing! for the first few years after Iduna left the Forest she didn’t really feel anything for Agnar except resentment and a weird sense of propriety” and i was like “thanks what am i supposed to do with this” and my brain was like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he was probably ~drawn to that tho” and that was also…fine. point is: this doesn’t ALWAYS happen, and i don’t zone out with the direct purpose of subconsciously finding The Character Headcanons™, but sometimes it does! the important thing i think is to let your brain have those moments.

i’m a pretty new but fervent convert to the Shitty First Draft. i even write my first drafts out in longhand now, with a fountain pen in a very nice notebook, which is just about the most insufferable thing anyone can do, but it does work. again, i think this is because of my very specific upbringing, but there is something about writing things out by hand that lets me be more imaginative (this might be connected to point #2–something about physical interfacing? who knows). i’ve also always been INCORRIGIBLE when it comes to editing as i write, and writing by hand tamps that urge down somewhat, because getting to the end feels much more important. shifting from pen and paper to laptop also frees me up to do more substantive edits on the second draft–if i have to type it all out anyway, then i might as well change more stuff.

i really don’t think there’s any way to KNOW if you’re on the right track when it comes to characterization, but it is important to let yourself be wrong before you throw in the towel. particularly if you write multiple drafts–don’t worry about if there’s some kind of OBJECTIVE truth to your characterization. if it’s something YOU’D like to see re: that character, then write it! worry about if it rings true/if it’s too extreme/if it can hold up under an imaginary audience’s scrutiny later. nowadays i try to write a little bit every day, which means that i write plenty of self-indulgent things that’ll never see the light of day. and that’s fine! that’s also productive, because i’m blowing off some steam, and because i’m doing more of it, which hopefully means i’m getting better, however infinitesimally. you don’t always have to write with an audience (who’s not you) in mind.

i’m gonna end with something that I’M still struggling with as a writer: a few years back i was at an event with Hua Hsu, and one of the things he said what helped him as a writer was knowing that “not every sentence has to be the most exciting one in the world.” i pretty much always come into whatever i’m writing (be it fic or essay) with a surplus of ideas, and learning to pare those down so i’m not trying to compact the entire universe into one thing is a skill i’m currently trying to learn. obsessively polishing and re-polishing every sentence is exhausting for the writer, and oftentimes it’s exhausting for the reader to read, too. it’s okay to let some words just be the exit ramp to the next exciting thing.

overall, i’d say: if writing is not your job, if you’re doing it as a hobby, then it shouldn’t feel like a chore. even if you ARE doing it for a job, there are ways to make the experience less miserable. give yourself the space to let ideas percolate, and give yourself the space to practice and improve.

[vandorens-archive]

ten questions tag | i was tagged by: @mshelleys, @emdrabbles, @pe-ersona, @evergrcen and @septemberliterature. thank you so much, and i’m so sorry i’m getting to this so late!

everything is under the cut!

@mshelleys

i. if you could change the genre of one of your wips, what would you change it to and how would the story/characters change?

So, trahison already features a ghost and a brief stay at a manor. have i considered turning it into a full fledged horror because of that? perhaps.

ii. do you think of your characters as actors playing a part in a movie or as people in history actually doing things that effect the future?

i think of them as actors playing in one long, crazy, unpredictable play. 

iii. role swap your protagonist and antagonist but keep their personalities the same; how different would your story be?

honestly, not different at all, because when it comes to it, the subject of trahison’s antagonist (s) is pretty complex. 

iv. are any of your characters based on you, family, friends, or someone else you know?

oh, absolutely. my characters range between self inserts, to characters i wish i was more like, to characters that are essentially walking, talking, breathing love letters to the people i care about.  

v. how long have you had your main protagonist(s) of your wip(s)?

I’ve been working with marin, nate and ruby for years, long before they were even called that and were a part of a dystopian crime novel (don’t ask). antoine joined them soon after, followed a while later by beth and isadora, and miles was invented during the plotting stage. 

vi. do you prefer to write chronologically or just make a bunch of scenes and order them after they’re written?

it depends on what i’m working on and how serious i am about it, but if we’re only talking about trahison, then chronologically!

vii. imagine the problem in your wip is sorted out, how would the protagonist recount the story to their children if they asked?

with a far away look in his eyes and an uncharacteristic fondness in his voice, marin would turn to his children, and tell them how extraordinary his friends were during his university years—their zeal, their inquisitiveness, and conveniently leaving out the uncomfortable loyalty they all had towards each other, until time and life’s commands separated them. 

viii. favorite (non-spoilery) line(s) of your current wip(s)?

This small bit of description, albeit a little purple prose-y, is one that i’m very, very proud of.

“ The morning rain had made its grave in the dirt, the bittersweet smell—like exotic black tea—rising into the air. It was the night pluviophiles came to dance. If I think hard, I can still taste the ghost of the raindrops on my tongue and sense Beth’s radiating warmth beside me; its own ghost ” - trahison, chapter three

ix. if your wip was a movie, could you see it be done in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, or 2010s? why that decade in particular?

so, fun fact, i hadn’t decided when to set trahison (see: the big question mark in my plotting notebook) but i have recently made up my mind and decided to set it in the seventies! if it was a film, then i could see it being made in seventies france! very a la the dreamers.

x. are you able to just make up a story on the spot, or do you need help (plot generators or other outside influences)?

sometimes i’ll take the help of prompts or media, but otherwise i just come up with things on my own!

@emdrabbles

i. what do the names of your main characters mean? did you pick them for the meaning or another reason?

i picked the trahison characters’ names based on two things: how much it related to the character’s backstory or personality, and how pleasing it sounded out loud. here are the meanings of their names:

marin — of the sea

ruby — deep red; precious stone; behold a son

elizabeth — god is my oath

nathaniel — gift from god

antoine — priceless one; beyond praise

isadora — gift of Isis

ii. what book are you currently reading?

I’m currently reading the time machine by h.g wells!

iii. last sentence written?

“ When the end of the world comes — I’ll film it ” — copycat, or the one where i predict the future. 

iv. who are some of your faceclaims?

i usually don’t use faceclaims, but if i had to choose:

marin van doren (trahison) — timor simakov

eloi hill (psychophantia) — maxence danet fauvel

cass parker (penny lane) — monica tomas

v. gimme some worldbuilding facts!!

alright, here’s one: in the world of psychophantia, not only is the magic system and your powers controlled by your morals, but so is your social ranking, your education, and any future you may have—to an extent. 

vi. do you outline? if so, do you have a specific method?

i’m a plotter and only really work well with a solid outline, however, my outlines range from a series of messy, incoherent bullet points to meticulous scene-by-scene planning based around the three act structure. this post is my go to for plotting assistance! 

vii. favourite author?

Like every tumblr user ever, i love donna tartt and maggie stiefvater, but i’m also a huge fan of f.scott fitzgerald, agatha christie and vera caspary!

viii. what is your oldest wip?

trahison! It went through many, many changes — from changes in genre to changes in character names, and there’s still a possibility that it could change even further. 

ix. what is your favourite wip?

every wip i reblog under my #others. tag! You all are so damn talented!

x. where do you get your inspiration from?

everywhere around me! from conversations i have with people, from films and books i consume, from the music on the radio — i like that anything and everything can inspire me to create.

@pe-ersona

i. in one sentence, explain your current wip!

a group of secretive students attempt to become immortal, only to uncover the worst parts of themselves — and each other — as they do. 

ii. was writing your main interest or did you have other interests?

although writing is my main interest (see: my social media bio on every platform ever), i also like to journal, sew, cook and make videos! my interests usually do have to do with the intention of creation. 

iii. what’s your favorite genre to write? to read?

I love writing horror and mysteries. those are my favourite genres, but i also love reading a good contemporary romance!

iv. what is one goal you have for your wip this year? how’s that goal going?

to finish the first draft! so far, not so bad, though i do wish i could write more, but unfortunately, time constraints plus school restrict me from doing so. 

v. how old is your wip? or when did you start writing your wip?

trahison is nearly three years old, but i only started writing the current version of it a year ago. 

vii. what scene made you cry or laugh or both?

these lines made me laugh out loud the first time i wrote them:

“ Up the stairs stumbled Miles, my slovenly genius roommate. He grinned at the giggles and winked at the exasperated stares. 

The gall of him! 

I wanted to be him. 

He managed to find his balance enough to reach our dorm. I immediately stepped back to let him in, and to make sure I was in no association with his uncomposed state. Nate gave a disapproving look at his back as he staggered in. 

I took another step back, raised a pointed eyebrow, and closed the door ” — trahison, chapter three

vii. how many ocs does your wip have? who’s your favourite?

my main wip, trahison, has six main characters. out of the main six, my favourite has to be nathaniel. he is very much the epitome of pure, and sometimes i wonder how he ended up in the middle of such a dark plot. 

vii. you have a brand new idea for a wip, what do you do? 

brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. scribble down whatever the hell pops up in my brain, attempt to link it together by a thin string of yarn, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

ix. you are having your first book-signing, where are you?

i’m in a small bookstore, nestled in a corner near the storage room. almost no one knows about this town, so the line is small but chatty, fans exchanging theories and analysing certain paragraphs. the sight of them makes me feel warm inside. 

x. you have the ability to live in any book, publishing or not, what would it be?

would it be too cliche to say the harry potter universe? other than that, other worlds i would love to be a part of is the world in my novel penny lane, or in midst of a detective story.

@evergrcen / @septemberliterature

i. how did you come up with your wip’s title? what does it mean in relation to the story?

okay, so i discovered the word ‘trahison’ after hearing my french teacher say it, and immediately knew i had to use it for something. ‘trahison’ means betrayal or treason in french, which is one of the main themes in the novel. 

ii. do you title your chapters? if so, what’s your favourite?

I don’t, but I would love to!!

iii. what’s a recent line you really like?

Not a very dramatic or noteworthy line, but here’s one from a poem i’m writing:

“ So the two of you get in the car, proceeding to have an argument with the radio ” — examples of easy solutions, or the one where the internet has no answers. 

iv. are there any writing-related quotes you really like?

“i think a lot of art is trying to make someone love you” — keaton henson

v. do you have an idea for a cover design for your story?

A black background with serif text, that’s it. It’s simple. It’s mysterious. It’s the type of vibe I want to exude. 

vi. what sort of au can you imagine your story being?

...dark academia au anyone?

just kidding. in all seriousness, though, i can see a royalty/political au for trahison, or a medieval fantasy au!

vii. which oc would be the most angry with you as the writer?

eloi. i really need to give that poor boy a break. 

viii. if you had to tell the story from a different pov, which character would you choose?

ruby! she’s the token enigma of trahison, so i think her point of view would be very interesting to see. 

ix. what would be your oc’s taste in music if they lived in our world?

OKAY let’s see:

marin — classic rock, so the who, queen, def leppard.etc

ruby — that one person who you’re pretty sure only listens to classical music, but is actually very attuned to modern day music. she would mostly listen to female singer-songwriters, so take lorde, marina, lana del rey, and other such artists. 

beth — take one look at her playlist, and you’ll see that ninety five percent of it is mitski, while the other five percent is bedroom pop. she would like very tender, calm, cry to in bed music. 

Antoine — same as marin, but add other modern day music artists with eclectic sounds, such as twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, that sort of thing.

nathaniel — classical music, instrumentals, and film soundtracks make up his playlist. if it has sung words, he won’t listen to it. has little to no understanding of modern day music and is too scared to find out more about it.

isadora — 2000’s diva pop plays in the background of her life. rihanna is her go to whenever she gets to control the party. Don’t be surprised if ‘rich girl’ by gwen stefani starts playing in your head at the sight of her. 

x. what’s one personal goal you want to achieve by the end of the story?

finishing it with pride!

[hecallsmehischild]

Grieving the Good

Beyond Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend claims there are six components for grieving a lost relationship. Most of the steps are already inherent to how I deal with pain, and I recognized each as I went through them. One, however, took me off guard. It makes sense, but it hadn’t been said to me before.

3. Name what you valued.

When you value someone, you affirm that he or she is important to you. When the connection is over, there are certain aspects of the person and the relationship that you miss the most. There are the values you have to grieve. {List of examples follows}

Sometimes, the value you need to grieve is connected to specific memories as well. It could be a trip you took or a private joke you shared. It might be a time of deep intimacy in which you were very close. Perhaps it was good times with the family.

Why is it important to name the specific things you valued? Because you must say good-bye to the entire person, not simply the negative parts of the person. You cannot walk away from the things you disliked, which may be the things that ended the relationship, without also saying goodbye to the things you loved as well. A half grief is never a healing grief.

It has been seven months since I ended a ten year friendship. Things have been better. I feel more healing every week that goes by. However, I am still stuck some days. I still cycle fruitlessly through each thing that hurt me. In my head, I argue and shout and scream until I’m acknowledged. I deliver biting, sarcastic lines designed to cut. I make it so that this time, I’m not the one in a thousand pieces on the floor.

I can’t seem to move on from this simmering anger on the back burner. I want it to protect me, but I know that’s not what it will do. It will turn into bitterness and a permanent wall that will hinder me from connecting to new people in my life. I also know, though, that if I try to suppress or ignore it, it will come back to bite me in other nasty ways down the line. So I continue to try and find ways of legitimately dealing with it, torn between letting it run its course and trying to find ways to let go.

I have grieved the negative parts and events for months, now, though I have not publicly disclosed all the specific events that led to this dissolution. It is time to grieve the good. I will grieve the good without asking which parts were lies and which were truths, because I’ve already asked myself that untold times and there is no answer to be had. At the time, it was all true, and I will grieve that.

My friend,

You are one of the two people that I know who writes at what I call a college-Lit-class-level. It’s a very specific compliment that carries a great deal of my awe. I know many truly wonderful writers who floor me every time I read their work. But I do believe your work, if published, could be taught in college classes. Not everyone would get it. You probably will not have a broad readership. It took me years of reading your writing to start to understand what you were getting at. It’s a small niche, but people who understand what you’re saying, well. Their conscience will be smitten. Your wordplay and sensory overload descriptions are brilliant. I will miss getting to read your work in advance and offering what I could to the editing process. I will miss cheering every time you got accepted for publication. I will miss collecting any printed piece you got published and begging for your autograph. I grieve that I will never hold your published novel and say, “See? I knew you could do it.” I still know you can.

We made two books together. Did you know how fun that was? Yes, there was some pain in the process, but we made two children’s books. You crafted two lovely stories. You weighed in on design ideas and I illustrated them. I am much more comfortable with my tablet and Art Rage after 9 and 6 months spent on the respective books. I have some concept of character design, simply by doing it over and over. This isn’t something I ever sought to pursue myself, but I learned a little of it through trial and error and repetition. Perhaps you will take the stories and have someone else illustrate them for publication. That is okay. I have my copies. They are the only two I can’t part with, even now. I will miss creating children’s books with you, friend. I grieve the ones we will never make. I grieve these ones will never be seen, but for the few copies that exist among friends and ourselves.

I miss sharing music with you, trying to find songs you would enjoy and occasionally finding for you one you’d searched for without success. I will never hear many of the songs you would have sent me, a lifetime of accumulated musical taste we could have traded.

I miss your passionate conversation about topics that interested you. You were never annoying, in spite of your concerns about being so. I could have listened to talk about your passions for hours. I miss how, when we got together, we could (and did) literally talk for hours, as if jamming together all the time we hadn’t spent together. I miss our long-distance communication. The wall-o-text emails. The few months we did Marco Polo, when we thought it would revolutionize our communication to be able to pick up on tone and facial expression. I miss getting to show you the cool little mundane things about my day. I grieve the loss of our communication.

You and I shared our deep sorrows and victories. We shared vulnerability and acceptance. We both mourned friendships that didn’t last or people who used us and wondered why people were so quick to cast loyal friends aside. I thought I could talk to you about anything and everything that hurt. I kept that belief very shielded from the things I knew I absolutely could not bring to you. Fortified heavily with denial was the belief that you were a safe person, and during the time I believed it, it was a good thing for me. I grieve the loss of that. I grieve the loss of trusting that you were really going to tell me the truth once you confessed to your lies, and that there were and would be no more lies between us.

I saw a great beauty in you, and I wanted so desperately to see that beauty bloom and grow, and to have been a small part of that because I felt you were so much wiser, smarter, more talented than me. I grieve that I will never see what becomes of you in this life up close. I hope, desperately, that you do heal and grow.

Once, when I really needed it, you stood up for me. Though details have come into question, now, in that moment I fully believed I needed it, and you were there for me. In the very early years of our friendship, you provided a friendly and safe-feeling place to talk with you. We talked about anything and everything. I grieve that.

I grieve the gifts I could not keep, chosen with care for every birthday and every Christmas. I grieve the joy I took in picking out gifts for you as well.

You loaned me your knowledge. Knowledge about health and food, theology and psychology. Book recommendations that were dead on what I needed to know and what my brain was able to process correctly. Articles you sent that made you think of me. You have had your head more in the real world than I ever cared to, and when I was stymied about how to even research, you shared your store of collected knowledge with me.

You had such insight. I felt that you “saw” me, and you phrased what you saw in me all so beautifully. I thought I was so fortunate to be friends with someone like you, who would point out my strengths in such a healing way. Do you even comprehend what a balm your words can be, when you want?

I remember playing the What-Does-M-See game. Because you said you could see the spiritual realm. Now I don’t know what to believe, but at the time, I was always in awe when you saw or described something. Especially if it was about me, and especially if it was accurate to something in my life.

I miss praying with you in the early days, when we first got to be prayer partners in the huge house.

I’d never had a delicious vegan meal before. You astounded me by cooking incredible savory 100% vegan dishes. And I got to cook one dish for you that you fell in love with. And even when we lived apart, it was fun to cook with you over Skype, creating the same dish across several states’ distance.

I’d only recently begun reading aloud books for you. Books I thought spoke to your situation, or books that I hoped held some answers for you. I grieve that I will not be able to share with you like you shared with me.

Slumbertale was a short story born out of our friendship. I wanted to sustain you from week to week. Give you something to look forward to. I miss coming up with a new few paragraphs of the story each week and waiting for your reaction to the next twist in the tale. I miss picking out a weekly treat to mail you. I miss making gestures of Philia (deep friendship)--nearly Storge (familial)--love and having them received. I grieve the loss of the times I was able to shine a little light into the darkness for you.

You actually got me to like parenthesis. With a super creative poem. How even? I was so anti-parenthesis in fiction and storytelling, but you did the thing. I liked it so much I had to literally paint the poem.

Some of my most beautiful artwork and poetry were inspired by something you said or wrote, or a part of who you were. You influenced my poetry style. You twined into my craft sphere. We even started a mini-partnership about my trees, remember? I wanted to start writing micro-fiction, but was having a hard time titling the trees. Your titles were spot on and creative and always inspired a fabulous story. I offered $2 per title if the tree sold because I wanted to. Now I title them myself, and have only just returned to the micro-fiction, because the grief was so sharp.

I believed you were someone worth flying out for on as short notice as I could afford during the absolute worst times. I did this three times. I grieve being able to hold the belief that you deserved this, and much more, from me. I grieve the image of you that I had and refused to release for so long.

I grieve good times in Seattle, the city I never want to visit again because the painful associations now outweigh the good associations. You were the last remaining reason I ever wanted to return there.

I remember one time, during a visit to you, I spiked myself into a panic attack. I had ordered a mocha from one of Seattle’s hipster one-off coffee shops. I could tell from the first sip that the balance skewed way more toward coffee than chocolate, and that it might be too strong for me, but I drank it anyway. And shortly after, my heart was hammering and my breathing was shallow and every dread in my heart came screaming up to the surface of my skin. And I asked you for a hug, and in the middle of the coffee shop, with no embarrassment, you held me. Spoke gently into my ear. Helped me regulate my breathing. Helped me back down to a tolerable level of anxiety (it would be a few hours before the caffeine totally left my system).

You wrote me a journal in response to the one I wrote to you. Then you spent months helping me decode your handwriting so I understood all of what you had to say.

You wrote the single piece of derivative fiction (or fan fiction) that exists for my still unfinished novel. You accompanied it with components of a visual piece of art for me to assemble, one that directly related to the story you’d written, in spite of you “not being a visual person.” It had so much meaning to me.

You gave me a deeply meaningful nickname, and called me that almost to the exclusion of my name.

I miss your laughter. I miss your sense of humor. I miss your warmth.

I grieve the good in you, and I grieve the good I received from you. I grieve the good we made together, and the good we shared with each other. As hurt and furious as I am, I still miss you. But I will not return this time. I cannot express to you how much I hope you heal, truly heal, and learn to relate to people. I wish you well. I wish you healing. I wish you true joy. I wish you a life where you do not have to leave claw-marks behind.

Goodbye.

[bookenders]

11/11/11 Tag Game: 16/17/18?

Back again to spill the tea about myself for all you lovely people.Thanks @cataclysmic-writer, @maybeillwriteit and @aurisadventure for the tags!

My answers are under the cut. 😊

Rules: Answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you, make up 11 questions, then tag 11 people to answer them. 

Bilbo Taggins: @brittanyisart, @quilloftheclouds, @brittanyisart, @brynwrites, @creatvrae, @elisabethrosewrites, @elizabethsyson, @ren-c-leyn, @yetmorestories, @pinespittinink, @timefire25

My Questions:

What are your thoughts on throw pillows?

Do you have any podcast recommendations? How about TV shows?

What month would you be on a calendar, and what would the picture be?

What is one book that you absolutely love, no matter what anyone else has to say about it? 

What’s your favorite kind of scented candle?

What’s your favorite urban legend?

Would you ever go on an arctic expedition?

What’s the furthest from home you’ve ever been?

What is the best snack?

How purple do you allow your prose to be/get? What’s your purple limit? Is there one?

What’s one word/line/scene/character that you want to put in a story, but you haven’t found the right place for yet?

@cataclysmic-writer‘s questions:

What do you eat or drink while writing? It varies depending on how I’m feelin’. Usually a big giant glass of water. I used to have coffee and/or tea, but it always got cold because I forgot about it. That’s actually how I used to measure my progress, by how cold the drink was.  And coffee got me too jazzed to sit still, so I stopped drinking while writing. Good for academic papers, though.

Best piece of advice you ever received? Like... ever? Okay. People are more interested in themselves/absorbed with themselves to really care what you’re doing. Very empowering for someone with real bad social anxiety (like myself heyooo).

Which book inspired you to write the most? I’ve talked about Laurie Halse Anderson’s Wintergirls before, and I’m gonna mention it again. And that I went to a signing for her new book Shout and I got to thank her and my life has been enriched a thousand-fold.

Which author do you try to emulate when you write? Oh, man, I do not do this at all. Okay, well, not at all, because I find it to be a valuable writing exercise to practice with. But I super don’t. I’ve done projects where I’ve emulated Walt Whitman, Philip Levine, Tolkien, Dostoevsky, Poe (eugh), and Anne Valente. Those were super fun. I like imitating styles and I’ve gotten pretty darn good at it. Sometimes I tell myself to put a Gaiman-like twist on a section, though, or describe something like another author if it fits the tone for funsies. But I like writing like me! 

Where did you get the idea for your current wip? I’ve already talked about Heart to Heart, so I’ll talk about “Fish Food!” This one happened when I was pondering superheroes, James Bond, tropes, evil monologues, and the like. I had the image of a hero tied up and dangling over a pit of piranhas while the villain detailed his evil plan. But the hero didn’t follow the script. And then, like every one of my short stories, it spun way out of control. I started to think of what heroes would inhabit this world that erupted from the fertile soil of my brain and suddenly I had a big complicated story that I was excited about. And it was funny, which is a change for me.

Do you have a go-to beta reader/writing buddy you bounce ideas off of? I do! One of my goodest friends is a fellow writer and she’s my spaghetti wall if I need assistance. We went through the same creative writing program one year apart and had different teachers, so we offer each other pretty different advice, and it’s great. She’s super into fae lore, too, which is ridiculously helpful for me, a nerd who is writing a light fantasy story with fae in it. We operate in different styles and genres, though, so sometimes idea-bouncing is a little tricky.

Which of your WIPs is your favorite? Of the ones I’m working on right now? Probably “Incarnate.” Partly because it’s closer to my usual writing fare, partly because it’s weird and disturbing in my favorite ways, partly because the ending is really cool and surprising in a way that hits you long after you finish it. I also like it because it’s hard for me to write. Yay, challenges!

Tea, coffee, or soda? Tea for chillin’, coffee for workin’, soda for pizza times.

If you could have any fantasy creature as a pet, which would you have? A brownie to clean my house, or a domovoi to act as a weird home security system would be neat. For non-practical purposes, I’d also say a pegasus. I can ride pretty well and it’d be so convenient to just fly everywhere on my awesome horse buddy.

Do you like creepy/scary movies? NOPE. I am a big chicken shit when it comes to spooky things. As a kid, I was terrified of E.T. That’s how bad it was. 

What genre do you have yet to write in, but want to write soon? Hm. Maybe historical fiction? I already play with it a little bit without actually going into the history part of it too deeply. Maybe I’ll give it a shot in the future.  I’ve always wanted to give magical realism a good try, though. It’s always been hard for me to write. 

________________________________________

@aurisadventure​‘s questions:

1. Who is your favorite oc? Why?

Right now, it’s Lithium from “Fish Food.” She’s just so fun. I also just figured out a big part of Jill’s character that I’m excited to add to H2H!

2. What is your favorite thing to do when you’re not writing?

I got into cooking a while ago, and that’s pretty fun. I do yoga sometimes. I read a bunch. I also like putting things together. Honestly, I’m a big giant nerd who likes learning in their spare time.

3. What is your least favoured genre?

Hard sci-fi is really hard for me to get into. And some contemporary stuff, but it’s not as bad as hard sci-fi.

4. Top three favorite video games? (Any console)

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS (with Awakening DLC, obvs) (except for the goddamn Mage Circle Fade part I hate it and it deserves to burn in hell)

Ori and the Blind Forest (I’m stuck on the last stupid fire volcano level and I’m so mad because it’s hard but this game is beautiful)

To The Moon (so many tears, such good story)

Honorable mention to Assassin’s Creed 2. 

(I love RPGs.)

5. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for inspiration?

Hm. I don’t really go out and seek inspiration like this. I just consume a whole lot of art in varying mediums. 

I went to a poetry slam one time. Does that count?

6. Buggy or Cart?

Horses, buggy. Oxen, cart. As much as I’d like to be Gandalf...

7. Have you finished any of your wips?

I am so goddamn close to finishing “When Your Song is Over and Done” I can taste it. I’m hoping to write that last stupid scene this week. It’s been the one WIP that’s been kicking my ass lately. How rude.

I’m a short story writer, so I finish a lot of my WIPs. It’s kinda nice. That’s also why longer projects scare me.

8. But like… can I read it?

😉

In the meantime, you can read these!

9. What is your favorite animal? Why?

Highland Cows! Just look at them. 

I’m sure I have a more interesting answer for this, but honestly, cows are all I can think of. I love cows. 

10. Name one place you want to visit more than anything.

Norway! Not sure why. Seems like a really cool place to be.

(I lied I love space and want to go to the observatories.)

11. What is your most cherished childhood memory?

Saturday mornings curled up in my grandfather’s armchair watching TV and eating Burger King before we go visit the animals at the farm.

________________________________________

@maybeillwriteit‘s questions:

1. Which oc would you most like to go for a drink with?

I don’t drink, but I think Treena would be an excellent conversation partner. 

2. Where do you like to write? Bed? Desk? Cafe? etc etc

I have a desk in my room. Not that I usually write at it. I’m good anywhere I can sit up straight and rest my arms.

3. Which of your ocs do you think people are most likely to make fanart for?

Eventually, I hope Mel. I love her character design. Or the superheroes and villains from “Fish Food.” They all have really distinct appearances and cool costumes/uniforms.

4. Favourite piece of writing advice you’ve received?

Probably the time my mentor also admitted he hated writing dialogue, but that sometimes you just gotta. 

5. Which place in your stories would you like to live? (i’ve read this sentence ten times and i ain’t convinced it’s grammatically correct lol)

(maybe: In which place/where in your stories would you most like to live? I dunno this one’s freaking my brain.)

Linsay would be the best place to live, I think. A very chill small town that has everything you need, very supportive soon-to-be friends, an apothecary on stand-by, and lovely weather. Its residents are fiercely protective and are very willing to look the other way where the law is concerned if it helps someone.

6. Do any authors/books influence your writing? Which ones?

Oh, tons. Jim Butcher, Laurie Halse Anderson, George Saunders, Anne Valente, Tolkien, Gaiman, Matt Bell, Aimee Bender, and a whole bunch more authors. And, if you wanna get all heartfelt about it, every single book I’ve read has influenced my writing, whether it’s learning how to do something, learning how not to do something, or finding a new technique that jives with my style.

7. Pick one song that represents your wip.

I’ve done a bunch of song stuff with H2H, so this is for “Fish Food:”

Honestly, my first instinct is “Superboy and the Invisible Girl” from Next to Normal. But it’s not quite right.

I also wanna say “Super Friends” from Holy Musical B@man. 

But in my heart, I know the true answer is “Under Pressure.” How could it not be?

8. Favourite thing about being a writer?

The feels! I love writing things and getting my own feels out, then making other people feel things. It’s so satisfying. 

9. Characters or plot, what came first?

Characters! Oh my God, always characters. And before characters, concept and theme(s). Sometimes a scene just pops into my head and I have to figure out who these people are and why they’re there.

10. Do you like writing prompts?

I do indeedy. They’re pretty helpful when I’m stuck. I only write for the ones that instantly spark an idea in my brain, though. All the ones I’m getting for my 800 followers celebration are insanely good. 

11. Part of your wip that you’re most excited to write?

Oh, man! So many!

H2H: The climax! Well, one of them. The one of the magic incidents and Mel and Gemma’s relationship, to be specific.

Fish Food: When my main two dudes meet Lithium! And figure out what’s going on with her. Or anything about Lithium’s real life. Her story is wild.

WYSiOaD: The goddamn rooftop scene that’s been kicking my ass for a month. It’s gonna be so emotional and poignant and great and I can’t wait for it to be over.

[xxx-cat-xxx]

so if this doesn't speak to you feel free to just consider it a Nice Concept(TM), but: Clint (and whoever?) giving a sick Tony a hard time about being crabby on a mission. Tony is leading directionally, cause he has the map memorized (genius boy!!). but he's snippy and complaining and the gang is getting Real Tired Of It, and to top it off, eventually it becomes clear they're not even going the right way, but when they go to yell at Tony, he's basically delirious with fever and confused 3 ily!

I absolutely loved this idea, and I had so much fun writing it! Apart from this, getting prompts from one of my favourite writers is awesome. I hope you liked what it turned out to be.

Also, apologies for that super long title. I was going through my music, and that Coldplay song just fit the story (and Tony´s character) so well that I couldn´t resist.

Just because I´m losing doesn´t mean I´m lost

“Isn’t the guy who navigates supposed to lead?” Clint complained. “Hey, genius, I´m talking to you!”

Tony, who was lagging behind, gave him the finger.

“I was just - securing the terrain,” he panted while pulling himself up to the ledge where Peter and Clint were already standing.

“Sure,” Clint spit. “There´s so much danger coming from, well, cactuses and butterflies. Just admit it, we´re lost.”

“I´ve told you before, I know the way. All saved up here,“ Tony said, pointing at his forehead. “Just because you need a sticky note to remember how to tie your shoelaces, birdbrain, doesn´t mean other people aren´t a little more intelligent.”

Peter was usually on Tony’s side when it came to arguments between the Avengers, but even he wondered what was going on now, Tony´s showcase arrogance doing nothing to reassure him. He knew from experience that it was more than anything elsea sign of Tony trying to hide his insecurity.

They had been walking in the mountainous terrain for more than three hours, trying to find a hut in which a group of arms dealers were supposedly hiding their loot. However, it was getting more and more evident that they weren´t even anywhere near their destination, and Peter was sure that they’d crossed this particular hill at least twice already, if not more.

“If you´re so clever, then tell me how much longer we have to walk?” It was clear that Clint had seen through the attempt, too. “I´m honestly getting tired of this.”

“If you´re not up to a short hike, you should have stayed on your hippy-dippy fairytale farm, planting flowers and practicing retirement,” Tony shot back without giving a real answer.

Peter frowned. He knew that Clint´s and Tony´s relationship was sort of bumpy since the whole Civil War thing, but that comment was below the belt line, even for Tony´s usual standards.

If Clint felt bad about it, he didn´t show.

“Look at yourself, old man, you´re panting like a steam loco,” he remarked instead.

Indeed Tony was breathing heavily, sweat beading on his forehead. His cheeks were showing red spots, and he was bent slightly over while standing. Peter expected a snarky reply, but none came. Instead he saw Tony biting his lips, readjusting his backpack and speeding up the pace.

They walked in silence for another 15 minutes, Tony now leading the way, Clint stomping behind like a stubborn child.

“You remember, at MIT, what happened during the last final?” Tony suddenly saidto Peter, his tone completely changed. They were walking up a steep path, and Tony was leaning heavily onto the stone wall to his left.

“No, how would I?” he replied confusedly.

“We got so smashed the night before,“ Tony rambled, his eyes looking a bit glassy from what Peter thought were memories. “I don´t know what happened that day. Just don´t remember anymore. Thought you might.“

Peter waited half a minute for Tony to explain himself, but nothing else came.

“Was that supposed to be funny?” he asked. “Because it´s not.”

Tony looked at him with a bit of surprise. “What?”

“What you just asked me”, Peter repeated impatiently. “Was it supposed to be funny?”

“What did I ask?” Tony inquired, confusion on his face.

“Are you kidding me?” Clint interrupted, his voice rising to an uncomfortable level. “I don’t know which game you are playing, Stark, but I’m seriously fed up from this. We´ve been following you for hours, and I feel like you have no idea what the fuck you´re doing!”

“I´m not…” Tony suddenly trailed off, swaying heavily on his feet.

“Wow, wow, what´s going on?” Clint said, anger still evident in his voice, but taking a step forward to steady the other man.

“I´m okay…´s just the palladium from the arc reactor….gotta replace the core…” Tony slurred.

Peter and Clint exchanged a worried glance.

“Mr. Stark, which arc reactor are you talking about?” Peter asked hesitantly. Everyone knew that Tony had gotten the actual implant removed years ago.

But Tony didn´t reply. Clutching one of his hands to his chest, he let out a small moan before his legs gave out all together and he would have hit the ground hadn´t it been for Clint to catch him.

“Thanks, Rhodey,” Tony murmured, clearly delirious.

“He´s cooking,” Clint assessed while pressing his palm to Tony`s forehead.His snarky attitude had vanished within an instant and was replaced by sober professionalism. Peter could see concern edged in the crease above his brow.

“Running a fever of….must be 104, at least.” He cursed when Tony´s eyes rolled back and he went malleable in his hands.

They carefully laid him on the ground, and Clint quickly opened a water bottle to push it in between Tony´s lips. He had to nudge him a few times before he woke up enough to actually start swallowing. After a few sips, all colour drained from his face, and he gagged weakly once the water went down his throat.

“Turn his head to the side in case he throws up,” Clint directed while keeping a finger on his wrist and checking his watch simultaneouslyto measure the heartbeat.

“His pulse is way too rapid,” he declared after a minute.

Peter could bet his heart was beating nearly as fast as Tony’s. He lifted a hand in order to touch his mentor´s face, but the older man immediately pushed him away with both arms, fear and defensiveness in his eyes.

“Don´ touch me,” he hissed.

“Mr. Stark, it´s only me,” Peter was taken a little aback, but didn´t try again.

“What can I do?” he asked instead, looking at Clint for guidance.

“There´s no way he´s getting out here on his own feet. Make an emergency call, Peter.”

Peter pulled out his phone, just to see an X above the bars indicating the lack of signals.

“There’s no network,” he stated.

He thought of other ways to contact someone, but there weren´t any. None of them was wearing armour, since they were supposed to pass for a family on a hiking day trip, at least if seen from afar. Peter had only brought his webshooters, Clint a foldable bow and Tony his famous watch gauntlet, although Peter was sure he could call one of his suits within minutes if he were lucid enough to do so.

“Yeah, we´re in a dead spot,” Clint said without looking up from Tony. “I think there should be signals up that hill, though. Mind trying?”

“Of course I will.”

Despite his enhanced abilities, Peter ran so fast that he was out of breath by the time he reached the hilltop. At least his mobile started to work again, evident by the beeping of messages arriving. He ignored numerous texts by Ned and scrolled through his contacts untill he found Natasha´s number. Thankfully, she picked up within minutes, and Peter tried his best to explain the situation as clearly as possible.

He made his way down even faster and was back within minutes, just to find Tony still lying in the same position as before.

“How’s he?” he panted.

“Semi-conscious, I’d say. Keeps talking nonsense.”Clint shrugged.“The call went through?”

“Yes, Nat is coming.” Peter replied absentmindedly.

Clint had emptied a water bottle over Tony´s head in an attempt to cool him down, which caused Tony to shiver hard. He moaned a little and mumbled something indiscernible while once again clutching his hand to his chest. The other one was clenched into a fist, ready to strike. Peter could only guess what was going on in Tony´s head, but he was sure it had something to do with the arc reactor.

“He´ll be okay, right?” Peter asked, trying not to sound too concerned, more like an Avenger.

“Don’t worry, it´s not so bad. He´s been much worse.”

This didn´t really help to reassure him. If taking a three-hour mountain walk with a fever of over 104 was considered not so bad for Tony´s standards, Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what worse meant. He wondered again how much  - or how less - he actually knew about his mentor´s past history.

“Hey, I’m still here, I can hear you,” Tony announced weakly, finally seeming a bit more clearheaded.

He was trying to push himself up on his hands, and Peter was immediately there to help him leanagainst the stone wall in a half-sitting position. Tony squinted against the sunlight.

“I think my brain´s gonna blow up,” he stated, pressing his hands to his temples in an attempt to lessen his headache.

“Why did you even come here when you were sick?” Peter asked.

“It wasn’t this bad before,” Tony mumbled.

While this was not necessary untrue, Peter was pretty sure he knew the deeper reason: Tony´s never-ending urge to prove himself that he was stronger - stronger than pain, illness, and anyone who´d ever claimed that he wouldn´t be able to achieve what he wanted. Peter sighed.

“Well, I would have expected something more from you, being a genius and all.” Clint said, half smirking, half scolding.  “At least you should have let one of us navigate instead of getting everyone lost.”

“I knew where we were”, Tony assured, “just forgot where we had to go.”

Peter was still trying to bend his head around this when he heard the blades of a helicopter approachingquickly.

“Help is here,“ he announced, more to himself than anyone.

Tony nodded, closing his eyes with an exhausted groan while another chill ran through his body.

“Hey, no napping yet.”Clint tapped his fingers on his cheek. “You still need to get on the helicopter and take some medicine, or do you think I`m gonna spoonfeed you?”

“What else are you there for?” Tony teased without opening his eyes.

“I`m not your PA, dude.” Clint said, slightly irritated. “Nor your wife, for that matter.”

“Friends, family, s`all the same,” Tony murmured, alreadyhalf asleep. And this time, it actually made Clint smile a bit.