music to my heart
natasha x shy!fem reader
☆ summary : just reader who likes music, and natasha who likes reader
☆ warning : not proofread & messy ….
natasha was raised to be observant. noticing the details many miss at first glance. her first impression of you was, clearly, shy. but she saw how loud your actions were.
when there were meetings and a question was asked there would be a silence for a moment. she’d see you inhale, about to open your mouth, when someone else answers and you sink back to your chair.
natasha notices the bouncing of your leg when it’s almost your turn to present the mission recap, and the gulp you take before speaking a few quiet words. but she also sees how you straighten your posture, more confident after a while.
but more so, how it’s rare to see you without your earphones. working out, eating breakfast, sitting outside, laying on the bed, there was always those wired earphones connected to your phone.
occasionally natasha could catch a glimpse of the album cover playing on your lock screen.
it was only recently when everyone was gathered in the common room, enjoying free time, when thor returned. you broke your right arm on a mission so you had a cast, unable to move it.
you had left your earphones on the couch while getting a glass of water when thor’s hand accidentally brushed it and a little crackling noise was heard.
natasha turned to the sound and frowned when she saw the white (really a little grey since it’s been used for so long) earphones turn a burnt brown color.
you returned and saw thor examining your earphones. he apologized over and over saying he would get you a new pair as soon as possible, you nodded, muttering a ‘don’t worry’, and took them as you left.
natasha liked that you didn’t say ‘it’s okay’, because you probably wouldn’t have meant it.
natasha decided to check up on you, knocking on your door. she heard a few grunts and things falling but the door opened as you pulled a sweater over your tank top. “hey natasha” you smiled, widening the door with your hand.
“you alright? where are you going?” natasha examined the room “uhh about to get some new earphones” “you’re driving with one hand to the mall” natasha raised a brow “perhaps” you shrugged, putting on your socks.
“i’ll drive you” natasha offered “no! i mean- no..” natasha squint her eyes “.. i don’t want to bother you” “i was bored anyways, see you at the front in 5 minutes” natasha winked and left with no room left to argue.
you laughed quietly before becoming a little nervous. you admired natasha, who didn’t? but you always knew natasha was an observer, you were too. you couldn’t help but feel a little shy as she read you like an open book, that’s what you thought at least.
you met natasha outside as she smirked in her chevrolet corvette stingray. you smiled, hopping inside as you put your seatbelt on.
“so what mall are we going to?” natasha asked “the closest one” you shrugged
it was comfortable silence for awhile until there was a red stop light and natasha fiddled with the screen in the car. she handed her phone to you and you looked at it confused. “play your music, sweetheart” she started the car again as the green light went.
if you were standing you would have fallen to the ground with that nickname. “thanks” you murmured, searching the songs you wanred on her spotify. you smiled already seeing fleetwood mac in her searched.
you played around with it a little, starting off with dreams, then drake’s passionfruit, and some daniel caesar songs. it wasn’t a long ride but natasha could tell you were biased daniel.
she watched from her peripheral as you mouthed the words quietly, gazing (gayzing) out the window.
the walk inside the mall was quiet. natasha insisted she come with you. you bought yourself the normal pair of wired earphones at apple but decided to spoil yourself and get a pair of wireless headphones, just incase.
she didn’t mind staying behind or beside you as you smiled hearing music, testing the different kinds of headphones. you turned around and tapped natasha’s shoulders, she looked at you expectingly as you turned one side of the flexible silver sony headphones to her and she pressed her ear against it.
daniel caesar’s “do you like me” flooded her ears
“Is this one good?” you looked at her. she stood up straighter and nodded. “the rose gold one looked cuter on you though” she rasped out while you blushed.
you walked to the counter. you bought the rose gold ones. the ride home all you played was daniel caesar.
you hugged natasha with one arm as a thank you before hurrying to your room, eager to try your new headphones.
natasha wondered if it was a good idea to let you buy them because now, she seemed to talk to you less.
it had been 2 weeks later, arm fully healed when natasha asked you, personally, to assist her on her 3 day long mission. she just wanted to spend more time with you.
you nodded with a small smile and natasha was ecstatic. until she heard you at the kitchen. “hey! i was wondering if you wanted my daniel concert ticket? i don’t think i’ll be able to make it…” natasha saw you fiddling with the blue ticket, her chest tightened. “great! i’ll send over the tickets later, thanks!” natasha made her way to her room, to do research on this concert.
she kept a straight face as the concert was the exact 3 days she had just asked you on a mission for.
natasha would make it up to you.
right after the mission, natasha dropped the team off at the shield headquarters when she flew you both to the next location this daniel caesar was performing. “nat, where are we goin?” you laughed
“surprise” she winked
she asked you to change into your usual clothes and dragged you through the crowd. “oh my god” you saw the banner of the concert “OH MY GOD!” you shrieked as you walked into the theatre “NATASHA! you! i-! what!” you jumbled your words as natasha laughed at your antics, dragging you to good middle upper seats.
“no one has ever done this for me” you admitted, staring into her eyes. people started screaming as your favorite artist entered the stage. you still couldn’t tear your eyes away from natasha.
the song “do you like me” played and you sang quietly the lyrics to natasha ‘low on time i’d like to make a move’ you murmured, inching closer to you, as she did. when your lips met, you felt on fire.
“thanks for driving me to the mall that day” you said against her ear, grinning “thanks for being the music to my heart”
a/n, i’m seeing daniel next week and this is how i cope… i’ll never be fine again
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YOU LOST YOUR AIRPODS IN THE CHIP AISLE???? Was it like a momentary loss? Noticed they were gone, went back, found them? Or did they disappear from the chip aisle never to be seen again?
I lost them in the chip aisle twice.
So, like. The story is this: I kept my AirPods in the outside pocket of my old bag. That pocket, incidentally, is also the place where I kept my work keys for my old job, so more often than not I forgot to zip it back.
My brother and I had gone to the store to get stuff for sandwiches & chips and when I bent over to get a variety pack of chips, the AirPod case slipped out of the unzipped pocket, fell on the floor, and the AirPods went flying in two different directions
That first time, I was only able to recover one earbud, even though we spent like 30 minutes in that aisle looking for it. I rectified that situation with my credit card, which might be a little irresponsible but I justified it to myself because I worked in an open office at my old job and needed wireless, noise-cancelling headphones to drown everyone else out so I could focus and I wasn't allowed over-the-ear ones.
For a few weeks, I got really good about double-checking that the zipper to that little pocket was closed. But I got distracted one day like two months later, I didn't check, and it happened again.
The same aisle of the same exact grocery store, the same bend-over-AirPod-case-falls-out scenario. That time, we were able to recover both of them, and thank God for that, because I wouldn't have been able to justify another replacement to myself. I felt guilty enough about the first time.
Ever since the second time, my brother won't let me get out of the car with my AirPods anywhere on my person and even when he knows I left them in the car, he won't let me go down the chip aisle.
It's so bad that if his kids accompany us to the store and I go near the chips, they're like, "Ohhh, Aunt [Dessie], you know you're not supposed to be on this aisle! I'm telling!"
I'm not gonna say that it's unwarranted or that I'm undeserving of it, but two years without an incident should mean something
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How I Prep For A Hold
As we all know, this is a messy fucking kink. While some people are into the messy aspect and love cleaning up after, I am not one of those people and I love having a normal apartment that doesn't smell like piss when I'm not indulging in kink. If you're like me, live alone, and want ideas for solo hold prep, here's what I do.
1. Don't eat a big meal before doing a hold and make sure you've gone to the bathroom (and are empty both in bladder and digestive tract) before starting. Having a churning stomach will make it uncomfortable to drink enough liquids and if you're not into scat or vomit, the risk of having digestive issues can make it difficult to relax and give yourself into the hold. You may even be forced to end the hold early and that's just frustrating and annoying. Also, DON'T dehydrate before holding. It's better for your health to drink a glass or two of water, empty your bladder, and then start the hold with a hydrated body.
2. Charge sex toys and have them within reach during the hold
3. Take care of all real-life obligations and make yourself unavailable. The last thing I want in the middle of a hold is to have to answer emails or messages.
4. Make sure the washing machine is empty and ready to use. Put a clean towel on the towel rack for the post-omo shower. Change bedsheets and lay out clean, comfortable pajamas. After a session, I want to be fully clean and comfortable.
5. Find a place to hold that you feel safe and secure in. I've held in both my living room and my bedroom, but my living room feels too big and too exposed for me to feel really comfortable holding and wetting there, especially naked. Make sure a large area of the floor is clean and free from clutter. Put down the big plastic shower curtain liner (washable) and your towel(s). I usually don't like to hold on furniture, but you can always use the plastic to cover a couch/chair too.
7. Make sure there's a clear path between your holding area and the bathroom, just in case. If you're trying to make it to the shower and actively leaking/spurting (which can be fun), it would suck to piss on all of your stuff and have increased cleaning time/effort.
8. Prepare whatever you're drinking and bring it to wherever you're holding. Leaving my holding area (except to get into the shower before or after wetting) during a hold makes me anxious, so I prepare at least 1 big pitcher of water and a cup with measurements. I also have an electric kettle I can bring into my bedroom if I want to drink tea as well.
9. Have wireless headphones within reach. I like to listen to sound effects while holding and it helps focus me on my hold and not external noise.
10. Change into omo clothes. I have a dedicated pair of old, soft shorts I like to use for omo so I don't ruin my actual clothes. I may try a fully naked hold one of these days.
I know it sounds like a lot of prep, but it really only takes 20-30 minutes and then I can do hours of drinking and holding, a full euphoric wetting, and an easy cleanup with no stress. Post wetting session, all I have to do is mop up the plastic liner with the towel, strip out of my soaked clothes, and throw it all in the washing machine before getting in the shower. After that, it's just clean and soft aftercare before putting my blissed-out and exhausted self to bed.
On a more personal note, my mental health is very important to me during holding sessions. I like turning my brain off and getting messy and desperate during sessions and love the inevitable loss of control while holding, but if I can't get myself and my environment clean immediately after the session ends, I will be trapped in a self-hate spiral that lasts for days. Degradation isn't a kink for me and my mind will torture me if I don't do my well-prepped aftercare rituals to get clean again. Basically, my prep is what makes me feel safe and comfortable enough to indulge in omo without dropping hard after ❤️
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quick question, if I may: what model of noise-canceling headphones do you have, and would you recommend them to others for sensory issues? I've been meaning to get a pair of them myself for a while now but I keep getting overwhelmed by the process of finding and deciding on a specific pair
(apologies if you've answered this before; while I did search your blog before sending this in and it only returned the post from today, I'm also under no illusions about how functional of a website this is)
I got a pair of over-the-ear Bose QuietComfort 45 wireless headphones on sale last year. They were the same ones my neuro-ophthalmologist recommended and uses in his office.
They are very spendy (at least for me), and I was glad I got them on sale.
That said, I would probably buy them again at full price if I had to just because they've made such a difference to my overall stress levels, not to mention whatever the heck is going on with my inner ear.
They hold a charge really well, they fit my small head without being too heavy with plenty of room to expand, and I can usually slot my glasses in at such an angle they don't press against my temples.
The mic is also decent enough to make calls, but I'm told it's staticy when I'm playing games so I use my other mic.
There's also a "listening" function for when you want to be able to hear people talk or a "block" function to block out more noise. I honestly leave mine on the block function all the time, and if I'm struggling to hear someone, I shift the positioning on my ear enough to let outside noise in juuust a smidge. I find it less distressing than suddenly being able to hear the entire electronic hum of the world in both ears instead of just partially out of one.
I tried some Apple ones, too, and preferred the fit and sound of the Bose. The Apple ones I tried might have been faulty, but the "noise canceling" effect had a weird popping hiss every so often that I didn't like.
The backup brand my neuro-ophthalmologist keeps in his office was a pair of Sony WH-CH720N Noise Canceling Wireless Headphones. Those were good, too, though I found the ambient setting "nosier." They are cheaper, though, and I think lighter too, and I was again able to wear my glasses in a way that they didn't press too hard.
I don't know about any other cheaper models; this was my first set of noise-canceling headphones, and I was so determined to experience the stillness I'd experienced in the eye clinic I went straight for them in the store😅 But hopefully, someone else will have more info for you in the notes.
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