#Now I really do wanna write this coda

[onboardsorasora]

hiii I was reading Reclamation which is my favorite fic btw

And I wanted to ask you, because in the story Victoria said something like “so you’re talking and not going away to duck like on your first date” SO HOW WAS THEIR FIRST DATE HOW DID THEY MEET?

Hey Bestie!!! 🥰🥰 this makes me so happy 😭

Omg, So in true Sora fashion, I dropped everything and opened a google doc 😅 I got like 500 words in and was like 'lets not rush this maybe.' It took a lot of willpower but I stopped writing lmao.

I'll probably actually flesh out a first meeting/first date coda when I have some time.

BUT, all that to say: I HAVE thought about it lmao. I'll put it under the cut

So we know they met through Charles. Jules and Daniel swung by Charles' to pick something up and Max was there. Max asks Daniel out first but Daniel chose the date. I feel like that would be their dynamic upfront. Max taking initiative and Daniel filing in the gaps.

The date is actually party- Daniel chose it because Charles wouldn't stop bitching and moaning that they can't date and Daniel figured a party is a low key, low stakes way to find out if things can work out and if not then its a party! Fun can still be had!

Charles is an equal opportunity bitch and moaner so he complains to Max while he's getting ready. This is what I actually wrote lol here's a snippet:

“Charles, are you really just gonna sit there and not help me?” Max was exasperated. Charles was exasperating. “No! I was serious when I was saying I wouldn’t help you! Mate, this is like technically incest or something– you can’t go on a date with Daniel!” Max rolled his eyes as he sprayed some cologne on his chest. Charles was being dramatic as usual. “Factually, it's not incest. None of us are related.” Max pointed out, just to be a little shit. He snickered when he heard Charles’ annoyed groan. “Max, you can’t go out with him, he’s like my uncle!” Max pulled out a crisp white v neck and shrugged it on, he was hellbent on ignoring Charles right now. His point was moot; he asked Daniel out, Daniel said yes and they were going to a party tonight. End of story. “You don’t even like Daniil.” Charles tried a different tactic, Max snorted a laugh. “No, I don’t like Esteban. I don’t know Daniil. But apparently he throws good parties.” Max shrugged. He turned to look at his pouting best friend. “How do I look?”  Charles sneered at Max’s basic white tee, blue jeans and sneaker combo. “You look basic as hell. Please do not put on a cap!” Charles snapped when Max started reaching for his favourite wide brimmed cap. “Sure sure, fine fine. No cap.” He conceded.

They get to the party and maxiel does that thing they do where they forget other people exist in the world for the first time. Charles is worried because he sees the signs that its actually going well. Then he loses them.

Max and Daniel are probably chatting on their own for an hour tops before Max kisses Daniel. Then Daniel drags him to his SUV that's parked further up the street from where Charles had parked, and they fuck in the backseat.

Then they go back to the party and giggle and make eyes and be gross the whole night. Daniel takes Max home because that's the clear path here and that's how they got together. They fucked around for a month or so before actually having a conversation about it and then they were together for three years before the horrorsTM 😅😅

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | May 6th-12th 2024

Have a good week everyone!

If you know anyone who isn't tagged, please tag them in the comments!

Complete

you don't wanna know me now by spaceprincessem/ @spaceprincessem (Post-S7E7 | 1,3K | Teen): “Just one date,” Kim says casually, though she’s definitely picked up on whatever weird, uncomfortable tension has just entered the room with them, “this past Friday.” “Friday?” Buck repeats in an octave much higher than his normal one. Because Friday... Friday was when he watched Christopher while Eddie went out on date with — not Marisol, apparently.

taurus moon, libra rising by coldbam/ @coldbam (Established Buddie | 1,4K | General): “And I’m getting a lot of Virgo energy from Firefighter Diaz.” “Oh my God, he is a Virgo.” Buck excitedly smacks Eddie on the arm. “Do me next!” ~ Buck falls into astrology. Eddie is Eddie.

Mistakes by theotherlucifer/ @theotherbuckley (S7E7 Coda | 1,6K | Teen): Or Eddie Diaz makes bad decisions, but he can't help it, it's his wife.

Fluttering Wings of Freedom by Princessfbi/ @princessfbi (S7E5 Spec, Coming Out | 2K | General): Hen didn’t really know what she expected to find. Her mind had raced through a million different scenarios, catastrophizing the way only a paramedic could when faced with getting a phone call from her wife telling her to forget the groceries and hurry home. She’d expected broken glass or maybe blood and tears. What she didn’t expect was to find Karen sitting patiently in the arm chair with a cup of hot cocoa in her hands, a bottle of Jack on the coffee table, and Buck practically vibrating on her couch. 

wait for the feeling of you by coldbam/ @coldbam (PWP, Established Buddie | 2K | Explicit): “Fuck. Get up here. Let me take care of you.” Eddie feels Buck shake his head, still nuzzled against his thigh. He gives one last kiss to Eddie’s skin, then starts extracting himself from between Eddie’s legs, wiping his mouth along the way. “No, I’m good. We’re running late as it is.” And…that is reasonable and rational. They did get a bit carried away, and they are expected to make an appearance at Bobby’s for a barbeque. Except…

meditating on your lips by coldbam/ @coldbam (PWP | 3K | Explicit): Buck comes out, and Eddie has some interesting dreams.

blackout by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Getting Together | 3K | Explicit): Buck wakes up hungover on Eddie's couch, with no memory of the night before. Eddie's at just as much of a loss as he is, but their friends seem to know something they don't.

let it once be me (who do i have to speak to) by lenaboskow (Post-S7E4, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): “Why not me?” Eddie didn’t mean to say it. The question had been banging around in his head for the past week, but now it was out in the open, echoing off the walls of the loft for Buck to hear instead of safe in his mind. “Why– what do you mean?”

things you shouldn’t say to me by coldbam/ @coldbam (Getting Together, PWP | 4K | Mature): Eddie comes out, sleeps around, and Buck hears all about it.

little by little by MediaWhore/ @mediawhorefics (BuckTommy, Madney Wedding | 4K | General): Or Buck & Tommy, during and after the wedding.

he's never gonna love you like I want to by BekkaChaos/ @bekkachaos (S7, Demisexual Eddie | 5K | Teen): Eddie and Marisol talk about their relationship and the next step, and Eddie tries to articulate how he feels and why things aren't moving as fast as Marisol wants. A couple of days later Buck goes to Eddie's and they have a long talk about their feelings and their relationships, and probably let things go unsaid that aren't yet ready to come out.

Exhale by themandylion (Presumed Dead | 5K | Not Rated): Buck’s Jeep gets stolen, which is a pretty shitty way to start the day. The 118 answer a collision and find said Jeep on fire, a deceased driver inside, which is arguably an even worse way to start the day.

Give Us The Grown by fruitsdoesnotknow (Getting Together | 8K | Teen): Buck starts leaving notes for Eddie. Eddie writes notes for Buck right back. They were always going to end up writing their own love story.

the tiniest moves you make by allyasavedtheday/ @littlespoonevan (Maddie POV | 8K | Teen): Five times Buck talks to Maddie about Eddie intercut with five times Eddie talks to Maddie about Buck and one time they manage to figure it out on their own.

why do i always feel like i'm in the twilight zone by chromatophorica/ @chromatophorica (Supernatural AU | 6K | General): The 118 is a prolific, all supernatural station. They face the hardest of calls for this reason, but they're curious about what species Buck is from the start. When they find out, it's a complex navigation to keep him where he belongs.

drink up (you're wasted on me) by okanus (S7E6, Bachelor Party, Infidelity, PWP | 9K | Explicit): Or: Eddie and Buck hook up at the bachelor party. Difficulties ensue.

gone fishing by coldbam/ @coldbam (Accidental Catfishing, Getting Together | 9K | Mature): “Someone is catfishing as you.” His eyes are wide and his face is serious. Stressed. Eddie has no idea what he’s talking about. “What?” Buck slows down and carefully says each word. “Someone's using stolen photos of you on a dating app. Pretending to be you.” He looks miserable, like it pains him to deliver this news. Eddie’s face must still show confusion, because Buck lets out a frustrated huff and then shoves his phone right in front of his face. “Look.” And. Shit. Buck’s phone shines brightly in the evening light of the loft, and there, nearly blinding him, is his own Tinder profile.

🔥 It's a church of burnt romances (and I'm too far gone to pray) by justhockey (Coming Out, Post-S7E5 | 15K | Mature): Eddie looks back, sifting through the ashes of every relationship he’s ever had that has burned to the ground. And his hands shake, and his heart beats too fast, and it’s there, right on the tip of his tongue. It’s close enough that he could reach out and touch it if he were brave enough. The reason, that no matter how hard he tried - no matter how much he wanted to, or how often he literally prayed for it - his relationships with women have never worked out. And he knows. Knows that no amount of women, or trying, or praying will ever be able to change it. You can’t fix what isn’t broken, and Eddie isn’t broken. He isn’t. He’s just…well. He’s in love with Buck, isn’t he?

🔥 The Pain Will Leave You Once It's Done Teaching You by fruitsdoesnotknow (Canon Divergent, Daniel Lives-kinda | 40K | Mature): When Daniel Buckley lives a little longer, Evan Buckley dies a little more. And this is how Eddie Diaz saves him, a little later on.

🔥what if i can't have us by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Post-S7E5, Getting Together, Sexuality Crisis | 47K Explicit): In which Eddie is dating Marisol; Buck's dating Tommy, and Eddie has feelings about that, which he simply does. not. understand.

WIP

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 127/? | 397K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 change the prophecy by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Alternate Timeline, Curse/Magic | 9/11 | 22K | Mature): Buck has never felt secure in any of his relationships; he’s been searching for someone to see him the way he feels he’s meant to be seen, but after things start going downhill with Tommy, he thinks that person might just not exist. Eddie cannot figure out what’s wrong with him when it becomes clear things with Marisol aren’t going to work out. But what if they’re both forgetting something?

🔥 stuck now so long, we just got the start wrong by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 4/10 | 31K | Not Rated): Probational Firefighters Evan “Buck” Buckley and Eddie Diaz meet on a call which ends with them at odds with each other. As the months roll by, they keep running into each other on the job, much to Eddie’s dismay and Buck’s delight. Can they put aside their first opinions and misunderstandings and allow the seeds of friendship, and possibly something more, to take root?

What’s Your Order? by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Post-S7E5, BuckTommy | 4/6 | 10K | Teen): 5 Times Buck Guessed Tommy’s Coffee Order + 1 Time He Didn’t Have To

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 1/? | 5K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

Podfic

🔥 [Podfic] When the Lost are Found by MistMarauder/ @mistmarauder for ReformedTsundere/ @film-in-my-soul (Soulmates AU | 20-30 min | General): When everyone seems to have a better soulmate identifying system, Buck can't help but consider his own to be lackluster. How's he meant to find his soulmate with loose change and mismatched socks after all?

🔥 [podfic] Trade-In by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove for themandylion (Post-S4, Getting Together | 1-1.5h | Not Rated): It starts with Buck trading in his beloved Jeep. It ends with a confession, a kiss, and Buck trading in his apartment too. Or: If you didn't think Buck research binges wouldn't eventually take him to safety specs for his car, you don't know Buck.

🔥 [podfic] my heart’s over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove for fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-S6, Getting Together | 1-1.5h | Teen): or, a fever, a party, a late night tv show: three times eddie’s heart falls out his ass because buck keeps looking at him like that. he’s just got to find a way to tell him that doesn’t involve a convoluted cephalopod analogy about love

🔥 [Podfic] Tell Me About Despair by radpaisley // fic by @hattalove (Post-S4, Sexuality Crisis | 1/5 | 2-2.5h | Mature): eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. there's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place. except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too: it happens when you gnaw a hole in your lip trying to keep quiet only to have the words escape; when you realize that the ghost you've been seeing out of the corner of your eye is yourself; when your best friend smiles, and you allow it to take your breath away. it happens through the smallest of things: bird feeders, and cacti, and pasta shapes. meanwhile, the world goes on.

[reyesstrand]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @welcometololaland @strandnreyes & @alrightbuckaroo <33 this was a much needed distraction tonight!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

86

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

335,298

3. what fandoms do you write for?

predominantly 911 lone star. the only other thing i’ve dabbled in recently was the old guard

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (i’m going to exclude prompt collections here!)

like a bright new dream (first i love you)

wanna be still with you (2x08 coda)

lit the spark (that set a fire) (firefighter!carlos au)

take me back to the light (1x08 coda)

to be reborn (3x04 coda)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do!! even if it takes a few days (where i’m likely just staring at nice words in my inbox and using them as fuel to brighten my mood) i love having that connection, and seeing maybe what stood out to someone who read my silly little story

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

any of my codas that i wrote immediately after an episode aired—my 3x02 spec fic some and now none of you, or my 3x07 coda/3x08 spec fic not a victory march—simply because we didn’t know the outcome for these storylines yet, and i let myself get angsty.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think 95% of my fics have happy endings but to shout one out in particular….hm. i’d say got real love maybe—truly just. fluff. and the boys coming home to each other and making that official. i also think the proposal bliss in (not afraid of) living on a fault line has got to be up there as well

8. do you get hate on fics?

nothing major

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i’ve always stuck to very implied levels of smut in my fics….idk i always worry i won’t be able to make it sound good when there’s people out there who do it brilliantly. however i’m challenging myself with food fic which does have some smut (with feelings. oh the feelings)

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

crossovers aren’t really my thing!!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, would be honoured though!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

love helping with brainstorming bits, but have never actually co-written anything

14. what’s your all time favourite ship?

tarlos brainrot always and forever

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have tons of ideas that i never commit to, which sucks. off the top of my head…the andrea & tk fic that i just never got into a flow with

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m strongest when it comes to setting a scene; when exploring what that character is feeling. i like to think i can kind of evoke a mood through imagery? i’m most comfortable when it comes to introspection and exposition and general narrative

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i tell myself i’m getting better, but i’d say dialogue is the constant thing that throws me off. i also worry i over-write sometimes

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i like it, if it’s being done with good intentions and suits the character. i’d imagine for heavier dialogue it would make sense to ask for someone who speaks the language to read it over to make sure it’s accurate

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i think the get down, back in like 2017

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

i can’t choose, so i present to you two wildly different honeymoons. first, dream this night away—almost 8.5k words after a seven month gap between posting when my writer’s block was at an ultimate high. then of course, to which there is no reply—i’ve been growing happier and happier with my writing especially with these last few fics of mine, and this one is something i’m just super proud of, and the support on it definitely brought me to tears a bit ajdnskdn

no pressure tagging @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm @tailoredshirt @theghostofashton @inflarescent @birdclowns @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @heartstringsduet @freneticfloetry @orchidscript @tellmegoodbye @safeashousespdf and leaving an open tag as well!! <333

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

Thank you sm @itwoodbeprefect for the tag!!!

I hardly published anything this year so if u wanna skip to 'projects for 2024' that's gonna be the most interesting bit >.<

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 714 💀 but many more words were written, just not posted lol fics posted: 1 first fic/last fic 😅: King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963)

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

Doctor Who - no ships really but KotE is Mike Yates-centric.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

It's KotE again lol which is at 6 kudos. Of all time, tho:

After the Hour(glass) - Night at the Museum (Jedtavius)

Less Than Ideal Circumstances - The Man from UNCLE (TV) (Napollya)

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV)

Dismiss Your Fears - Back to the Future

After All, I'm Only Sleeping - Doctor Who (1963)

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

KotE......... I do actually rly enjoy KotE I think it has potential in terms of where it's going. But since I only posted one fic in 2023, I'll do my top 5 of fics I've ever posted. Apart from the first one this is in no particular order

tickertape - The A-Team (TV) it's my baby it's all I thought about for months of my life, it's like an iceberg (i.e. most of it is in my WIP doc, and only a tiny fraction is published so far), it got me thru a difficult time, it's an exploration of mental illness and complicated messy relationships expressed in epic format (i.e. it's probably gonna be novel length when it's done)

Bullet Number Six - Starsky & Hutch (TV) it received criticism for being obscure and hard to follow bc it switches pov briefly halfway thru but idc i love it anyway

I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues - The A-Team (TV) it was my first A-Team fic and I still think for a beginner it nailed some p realistic in-character dialogue and addressed an undertone I wished I'd seen addressed in the ep it's a coda to.

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV) it's kind of riddled with certain mannerisms of my slightly older writing which I personally find a bit annoying and have worked to iron out for the sake of elegance over the years. but I still think it's a cool little exploration of all my sleep headcanons for the pair of them in one place

King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963) see it made it to the list after all! I kinda like it more for its potential than for what it is right now butttttt who cares.

special mention to Unbereft (Starsky & Hutch) which I really really like but I wrote it in one frenzied sitting and only remembered after I'd posted it that it was very like someone else's fic I'd read several years previously. I don't think it's too much like to be taken down and I've since mentioned the writer of the other fic (it was dawnwind, hello!) in the notes. that's the only reason unbereft isn't in my top 5 because I'm otherwise really proud of how well it's written. Not to tootle on my own trumpet.

Fandom fic events

none RIP but maybe this year!!

Projects for 2024

Okay here we goooooooooooo

priority 1 is to finish the unfinished works that I've already half posted: King of the Eyesores, Every Line A Comedy, OUTATIME, The Windhover, tickertape, The Hanoi Bank Job and Other Misadventures, 38 Hours. Bolded are my top priorities.

other works that I'm writing but which haven't seen the light of day at all yet:

Dear Mike - an epistolary between Jo Grant and Mike Yates following her marriage to Cliff Jones.

The Lark/Behind That Locked Door (working titles) - a 30-chapter 2/Jamie fic about season 6B in which Jamie suffers permanent memory problems after the War Games. It explores grief, social ostracism, feeling abandoned, undirected anger, guilt, and acceptance that healing sometimes is a process that is never complete. I've been working on it since about 2016 lol but I'm lazy I just need to press on.

hell valley au - as yet untitled lol. In which the Hell Valley!Marty (who is never seen in BTTF2 as he is in Switzerland) and Hell Valley!Doc (who has been institutionalized) break out of their respective situations and go on the run together. But there's a problem - they had to leave Einstein behind, and when they get information that Einie is to be used for a dogfight, they make the risky decision to go back to Hill Valley to rescue him. However, going back to the place they just escaped by the skin of their teeth also brings them face to face with the last person they expect to meet.

a changed man (working title) - a Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) fic from Jeannie's pov. mostly it's about their picnic excursions but it's also about Jeannie wishing Marty wasn't such an elephant in the room

mfu/rahd xover (untitled) - the first chapter of this is almost ready to go tbh. it's what it says on the tin lol, Napoleon and Illya go to London and get help from a rather eccentric private detective who has uncanny powers of solving impossible cases but also they think is probably clinically insane

to see him happy - VERY weird rahd fic. it's smut but its also about grief. might never post it because several of my family members have access to my tumblr and therefore my ao3 lol they dont need to see that

the winter of '62 - a study of jeff and marty's life when they lived together in a grotty bedsit and couldnt afford to put the heating on

star wars (untitled) - set during ROTJ, han pov. han's lost a lot of time and now everyone is one step ahead of him which isn't a sensation he's used to

skyrissian - what it says on the tin lol

the older gen (untitled) - jeeves fic about bertie's aunts and uncles and parents as they were as they variously grew up, got married, had children, died (or didn't), fell prey to alcoholism or insanity or petty crime, went to war, prospered (or didn't)... This is pretty unlikely to be finished this year tbh as it's very detailed but I can dream

a couple of long form fics about starsky & hutch and mfu respectively (the s&h one is set post sweet revenge, the mfu one takes place at various moments throughout the show)

x-files series - canon compliant until paperclip and then gradually diverges into how i think the show should have gone lol. another biggie

and a handful of tintin fics that im protective of and might never post but we'll see - one where tintin and chang go on holiday in london after picaros, one where the gang encounters rajaijah one last time (featuring a letter from didi, chang making a very daring crossing at the songolese border, and tintin taking about ten years to chop up a clove of garlic), and one where tintin gets shitfaced at an embassy ball and accidentally starts an Incident. haddock looks on, appalled.

i knoooooooooooooooowww this is a lot but i'm not realistically hoping to finish it all this year but it's nice to have lots of things to play around with lol.

unfortunately i have the eternal problem of not ever knowing which of my mutuals write fic and which of those havent already been tagged but imma tag @theteaisaddictive and genuinely if u see this and u write fic ur tagged i want to knowwwwwwwwwwwww <333

[hosseinis]

fandom: criminal minds | pairing: hotch/morgan | rating: T | words: 890 warnings: mentions of derek's past, non-sexual nudity summary: after the westbrook case, derek wants nothing more to forget about it. hotch lets him. notes: short and sweet. i just really wanted to write hotch comforting derek for once. :') coda for 10x8, the boys of sudworth place

 – – –

The front door clicks shut behind Hotch with such an audible, damning sound that Derek immediately knows they’re about to have a conversation he wants no part of. He doesn’t want to talk about the case, nor does he want to talk about his past abuse, and he certainly doesn’t want to do either one the second they get home. It’s so very much like Hotch to immediately zero in on when Derek’s upset, but he just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to do this.

He tosses his go-bag onto the couch and rubs at his eyes, knowing that Hotch is staring at him. He can feel Hotch’s eyes on him, sizing him up. He’s still standing right there in the doorway, unmoving.

“Look,” Derek says wearily, because it’s just too much right now. Too much to talk about, too much to handle, too much that’s in danger of flowing out of him if he lets it. He doesn’t have the stamina. He just wants to sleep. “I know we have a lot to talk about, I get that, but—”

Hotch’s soft voice cuts him off.

“No, we don’t,” he says gently. “Not unless you want to, but I doubt you do.”

That’s not what Derek had been expecting at all. Hotch spends a lot of time ignoring his own feelings, but he’s always been privy to the emotional needs of his team. It’s why he gives them time off when they need it, no questions asked. It’s why when they come to him with a case worth looking into, he gives them the benefit of the doubt. They trust him, because he trusts them.

But for Hotch to say that to Derek, here in the quiet solitude of their apartment…

He turns to look at him, and finds the Hotch that he knows and loves waiting patiently in the doorway. It’s not the strict, firm, commanding presence of their unit leader that stares back at him. This is Aaron, who smiles and jokes and laughs, whose eyes get a little red and teary during Disney movies and who eats cookie dough right off of the spoon when Jack holds it out to him for a taste.

He usually doesn’t see this side of him so soon after a case. Not until they both decompress and compartmentalize. It makes Derek’s teeth chatter a little with the sudden intensity of what he’s seeing, makes something in his chest soar and then plummet in the same heartbreaking motion.

“No,” he says, and his voice wavers. “No, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay,” Aaron says, and his eyes are so goddamn soft. “Then we won’t talk about it.”

It all comes out of Derek in a shuddering breath, then, like a balloon. This is more than just a kindness—this is understanding born of years and years of intimacy, even before they’d even thought of a relationship. This is how they know and love and respect each other, simply through this mutual awareness of what the other needs.

Sure, they argue and bicker and everything in between that’s both explosive and playful, but they still get each other. Aaron still gets him, and right now he looks past the front Derek tries to put up and sees the frightened, hurt child underneath. He sees that ache, and he knows he can’t fix it but he can at least patch it up until the next time the fissure cracks loose. He sees what Carl Buford did, and he knows just what to do to ease it away.

“Come on,” Aaron says quietly, once he’s dropped his go-bag next to Derek’s. They have to do the laundry and pack them for next time, for tomorrow probably, but that doesn’t seem to matter much right now. A tiny moment in the grand scheme of things. “Let’s get ready for bed.”

Ready for bed ends up being more than just getting into their pajamas and burying themselves in all of their blankets. Aaron runs a bath, not a shower, and they sit in the hot, sudsy water for longer than they probably should. It’s not a big bath, certainly not big enough for two grown men with plenty of muscle between them, but Derek stares at their knees poking out of the water and can’t help but laugh. He’s leaning against Aaron’s chest, his legs loosely spread against the inside of Aaron’s. There’s nothing sexual about it—just intimacy and closeness.

He’s not used to being the one who’s leaning. He’s not used to being the one who has to show so much vulnerability, even if it’s rare in both of their cases. He can feel the bumps and ridges of Aaron’s scars against his back, but he can also feel Aaron’s warm, wet cheek against his temple, can feel the way he rests his arms loosely around Derek’s stomach. He can feel Aaron’s slow breaths, in and out, in and out, and it calms him as much as his own heartbeat does.

“I love you,” Aaron says quietly, after what feels like forever. “We’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”

Derek lets his head drop backwards, and can pretend the water on his face is from the bath. No more, no less.

“Yeah,” he croaks, and lets Aaron press a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, too.”

[angstflavoured]

Hello !! I have been following your art and writing for a while now and let me just say... YOU ARE FEEDING THE STARVED. I love rick and wheatley together a lot and I feel your fics and art satisfy what I really like [even if it's angst]. The ask here is though is if you plan on doing anything more with these two and if so, what did you have in store. Again! Love your art so much! Your style is so recognizable /pos. Hope you have a great day!

-Coda

DUDE ☹️☹️ thank you so much, oh my goodness… im srsly so glad that even a few people enjoy my content of them. i have SOO much fun working with their characters. i havent liked a ship this much in such a long time, they make my brain want to explode !! AND THANKS TOO ABOUT MY ART, i 1000% am going to be drawing them a lot more.

i have some one-shot ideas i really wanna get down regarding my office au with them, but i am the worst at following through with writing 😑 maybe if enough people were interested, i could just write up some text posts here about them?? honestly id love to get their story down, even in like bullet point form. i definitely want to make more comics about snippet ideas i have, cus it also doubles as good posing and expression practice. even if just a few people like them, its enough to make me wanna keep going :)

just here in a sec ill post two more pics of them i haven’t here yet i did this week as well!! if you aren’t following my instagram either, i would if you want a little more content, cus i post doodles on my story sometimes or talk about them on there cus im a lot more active 👹 its just my same username as on here

more content to come tho, for sure! whatever form it may come in

[suzukiblu]

current commissions' current progress (in no particular order):

Ko-fi subs/thanks -

Clay Kids (x2) (750/2000), (0/1000)

Geraskier kiss (0/1000)

de-aged Witcher (2/?)

next Azue installment (50/1000)

random ATLA x2 (0/1000), (0/1000)

standard comms -

"read the inscription" coda (1800/2000)

"you make a really good girl" sequel (x2) (2600/5000), (0/10000)

ODYDLB den mother Tony (2200/10000)

Jedi Finn (17300/10000)

FTH work -

Encanto triplets (0/5000)

Ted Lasso (needs final sketch)

summer project (0/10000)

original serial -

next installment (1000/????)

Yeah so I direly need to finish some writing commissions so I can take more writing commissions but LITERALLY all of the major ones are major projects, all but one of which require working with previous installments of notable length and most of which are gonna have to be longer than I actually got paid for to be decent, and it's just . . . haha geez, self, you sure did back yourself into a corner here, didn't you. No wonder these are all taking so long.

I might have to do art commissions again, but gonna be honest, those are way less lucrative than writing ones, so it's like . . . frustrating, definitely. And obviously taking more writing comms is not an option, because everyone who's been waiting for the current set has been waiting for a while now and I don't wanna do that to them, nor do I want to put anyone else on a waiting list because that way lies madness. I could MAYBE do a crowdfund fic but even then, I actually still owe a crowdfund fic, sooo that's not great either.

I'm just not sure what the best solution is besides "write until you're miserable", which is obviously not the way I wanna go here. Ugh.

Okay, end vent, sorry, just needed to get that outta my system. It's probably gonna have to be a crowdfund fic or art comms or a combination of them both, though idk what I'd actually crowdfund at this point. Hmmmm.

Lemme do POLLS, Tumblr, dangit.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

the way I want to write a jack & cas bonding over rebuilding heaven fic and a what really happens to sam after the funeral (minus a blurry wife, thank you very much) fic b u t all I have the braincells for is MORE destiel fluff is extremely in character and v unsexy of me

[drunktuesdays]

i finished “ghosted” last night and was thinking about what happens after like, they finally get to touch each other, dustin probably has to do a fuckton of PT/OT, how do they navigate living together for real where they both have physical forms and i realized at least part of the answer is: dustin walks into walls. like. constantly.

re: ghosted

irl lol i love thinking about dustin forgetting how walls work and constantly stubbing his toe on shit because he forgets he's corporeal now. do you guys remember that—god, was it astolat? pru?—that fic where the team came back to earth and john sheppard was so used to atlantis seamlessly opening everything for him that he kept walking straight into closed doors? that's definitely dustin.

i too love thinking though about the first time they touched. i literally couldn't work it into the story as it came out, because i'm full allergic to writing sex after the emotional climax, and i did try to write a coda at one point because i DO have very strong opinions on how it goes down, but failed out.

i actually really really love that dustin's in for a LOT of PT. i asked a doctor friend of mine, and she was saying that dustin's probably in for a month of rehab. to me, that's very good, because i picture like...okay, so he's hanging out in a hospital room. his parents are constantly around because they're so happy and relieved he's okay. friends are coming to visit, the nursing staff comes in and out with the most perfunctory of knocks. plus—dustin's literally hooked up to a heart monitor for awhile. they're not doing any sexy stuff. but's loaded as all hell. jim takes time from work, and then works from dustin's hospital room, taking calls while ducking missiles from dustin as dustin tries to get him to quit (he will, eventually. his path is a little windier but don't worry about it—he, dustin and greg all still end up in AEW eventually.) they've kissed a little—not anything super sexy or intense but lingering little teases that get jim flushed up red real fast, and dustin's eyes dark and hungry. but then jim goes back to the empty apartment, and dustin stuck in his stupid hospital bed, surrounded by beeping machines, not allowed to even go to the bathroom alone.

eventually though, eventually dustin gets released, and he can't tell his parents not to be there just because he wants to be alone with his stupid boyfriend, so he suffers their help with bad grace getting him out of the hospital and back to the apartment. and then ronda sugggests dinner, and jim (suck up) enthusiastically offers to help, and it's pretty late by the time dustin's saying "BYE MOM, SEE YOU AT CHRISTMAS" and locking the door behind them.

the rush at finally being alone, of being allowed to be alone, would be so intense that i think jim would almost start freaking out.

"We could go to bed," he says, standing there a little awkwardly.

"We're gonna," Dustin says, advancing on him.

"No, i mean," Jim says, backing up a little. "to sleep."

"I don't wanna sleep—"

"You just got home," Jim says, "and it's late."

"It's not that late."

"You must be tired—"

"Okay, coward—"

"I'm not a coward for thinking maybe—"

"Then stop backing up—"

"—you should wait a little to have your first time with a guy!"

Immediately, Dustin’s face goes from amused to outraged. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Jim says, “I just meant—”

“Just because I haven’t done it before, you don’t think I’d be good?” Dustin says. “Because I’d be good. I’m gonna be so good—”

“That’s not what I’m saying—”

“And anyway, maybe I’m not the one who should be worried.”

“Excuse me?”

Dustin gets a shit-eating smirk on his face. “I’m just saying. You're right, it's my first time with a guy, and from what I saw, my mentor might be a little boring—”

“Boring?” Jim squawks. 

“Oh yeah, Josh,” Dustin imitates in a toneless voice. “So good....” and then yelps when Jim stomps on his instep.  

“Okay that’s it,” Jim says furiously. “You wanna have sex? We’ll have sex,” and stomps off to the bedroom. "I'm gonna send you back into a fricken coma, watch me."

and then? they simply do all time good sex where dustin puts it in.

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[alittledividead]

MALEX 3X09 CODA

Sooooo I'm back with another Malex coda. Apologies if this is too ooc I'm still figuring out their voices and honestly how to just even write again but I'm having fun so please be gentle!

------------

Later when he's back at the airstream Michael reflects on the events of the night. The feeling of fear that shot through him when he saw Alex on the ledge and about to fall.

If Michael had been one second later. He shuts down that train of thought immediately. Alex is safe. Michael made sure of that and he'll keep protecting the other man while they work on the Lockhart machine. They're going to figure it out, as a team. That makes Michael smile.

He thinks about the date they didn't get to have. It wasn't going to be anything fancy, just dinner at the Crashdown but instead they put their big brains together and got to work on fixing the machine, which actually had been fun.

Afterwards, Alex insists they get dinner but instead Michael takes him straight home. The man hasn't slept in two days and Michael sees how drained the solider is so he takes his hand and guides Alex to his truck and bundles him into the passenger seat. Alex is quiet on the drive home, resting his head against the window but he reaches across the seat for Michael's hand and tangles their fingers together.

"Thank you." Alex whispers sincerely, his tone laden with all the things he's grateful to Michael for.

When the pair reach Alex's place they both get out and Michael walks the airman to the door. He offers to come in, wanting to be there if Alex needs anything but Alex smiles and declines the offer. Right now he needs to remove his prosthetic, take a hot shower and sleep for twelve hours straight.

"Eduardo insisted I take the day off tomorrow. Maybe we could have that date that I ruined?" Alex asks shyly, his eyes dropping from Michael's face to stare at his own feet. Back at Deep Sky, Michael assured him that they were good but Alex still worries that the other man feels like Alex isn't one hundred percent in this relationship, that he'll run away. He never wants Michael to doubt how Alex feels about him or his intentions ever again.

Michael slides his finger under Alex's chin tilting his head up to look into his eyes. His hand slides to the back of Alex's head.

"You didn't ruin anything, Manes. It doesn't matter what we're doing, just spending time with you is honestly the best part of my day." His gaze pierces into Alex, his voice assuring and firm, willing Alex to believe him like he knows exactly what's going through his mind right now.

Alex flashes Michael a real smile then and wraps his arms around the alien's shoulders and pulls him into the sweetest kiss. They stand on Alex's porch for a few minutes, their lips meeting, unhurried and gentle as Alex runs his hands up and down his lovers back while Michael has one hand on the back of Alex's neck and the other around his waist, holding him close.

Alex gently pulls away, a playful smile on his lips.

"So you haven't actually said if you wanna go out with me tomorrow." Michael's laughter is bright and beautiful.

"It's a date, Manes. Now go inside and get some rest because i really want to kiss you again and if I do that, I'll never leave." That definitely wouldn't be a bad thing. Alex thinks but he can feel the pull of sleep and he wants to be on his A game tomorrow. He wants to take Michael out, buy him dinner and hold his hand across the table, maybe even take a drive to the beach to watch the sunset. He promised Michael romance and that's what he's gonna get. They deserve to have some romance.

"Hey Guerin!" Alex calls out to the cowboy's retreating form. "You know that you can kiss me anytime you want." That's a promise that Alex can definitely keep.

[ghoulangerlee]

kisses on the forehead or kisses from behind for Malex😊

so it takes me a while to write oops, but I didn't quite have inspiration but then 3x08 happened and well... y'know. I GUESS this could be considered a 3x08 coda because it takes place after The Kiss sorta. I haven't watched 3x09 yet so.

So, this is just. sweet and syrupy smut; there's both forehead kisses and kisses from behind ;;

Really though, sometimes you just wanna see Michael fucking Alex and like, write what you wanna see and all that hahaha.

Posted on tumblr bc I'm in denial that I'm writing for this fandom oop. (Side note: If you wanna support a writer I do have a ko-fi :). Please be gentle this is the first time I've written smut since like, before April this year.)

it's all under the read more because it immediately starts as smut, sorry adlkfjd.

------

Michael drops a tender kiss to the back of Alex’s neck as he settles on his knees between Alex’s spread legs, one hand curled around his thigh, shifting it outward until he’s spread just so.

Alex sighs out Michael’s name, turning his head to the side so he can watch the man from the corner of his eye—the early morning light is just now coming through the slats of the blinds, peeking through the curtains and it bathes Michael in a warm glow that almost makes everything feel like a dream.

It’s not though, a dream, finally after so much time apart, he—they can have this again, but slower now, less of a crash landing and more like coming home.

“This comfortable?” Michael’s voice is barely above a whisper, his words spoke into the soft skin behind Alex’s ear as he settles his weight down onto Alex.

A hum forces it’s way out of Alex’s throat, soft and pleased as he bends his other knee a little, using the leverage to push back against Michael, feeling where the other man is hard and ready, “S’good,” he finally manages, the words thick in his mouth, syrupy.

A soft hiss falls from Michael’s lips, the rush of cool air against Alex’s skin making him shudder, already so over sensitive from the soft, careful touches that Michael had woken him up with that morning. “I think we can make it better than just good,” he whispers, pressing another kiss behind Alex’s ear, “You up for it?”

Alex snorts softly, reaching back to halfheartedly swat at Michael’s side, the early morning must be getting to him, the new vulnerability of the two of them being together make Alex a little sentimental, a little honest, and before he can stop himself—“I’d been hoping for something like this for longer than I’d been willing to admit to myself.” He admits, voice quiet but clear, “I couldn’t dare to hope and now…”

Though he trails off, Michael seems to understand the implication as he shifts to the side, just enough to make the next kiss land somewhere near Alex’s lips, and when Alex turns his head just right, he catches Michael’s mouth in a kiss so sweet and slow that Michael’s weight presses him down more into the bed as a warm hand curls around his jaw, taking some of the strain off, holding him there for several long moments.

Distantly, Alex realizes that it’s Michael’s left hand, something that was once a reminder that what they had couldn’t be anything beyond a secret somewhere in the desert, but now—there’s no bandana wrapped around his hand anymore, there hasn’t been last night when Michael kissed him at the Pony, either, and something releases in his chest, something warm and happy—love.

“Michael,” Alex murmurs when they finally break apart, “Michael, I need—”

Michael’s lips press against Alex’s temple, “I’ve got you,” he whispers, dropping another kiss to his hairline before he pulls back, grabbing for the lube he’d tucked under his shin earlier, trying to warm it.

He smooths a hand down Alex’s back, shushing him softly when he makes a noise of discontent, “I’m not going nowhere,” he promises, voice low and full of intent, “Finally got you where I want you and I plan to take advantage of it.”

As he speaks, he’s squeezing lube onto his fingers, spreading it slowly as he closes the cap and drops it back down to bed, “Easy now,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Alex’s shoulder blade as he presses a finger into him slowly.

“Michael,” Alex breathes out then, at the careful, gentle touch, slow and easy like they’ve got all the time in the—

Oh. He realizes as Michael’s finger slides in deeper, they do have time now, they can afford themselves this luxury of taking things slow, of exploring each other and relearning everything that drives the other crazy.

“Michael,” he says again, clenching his fingers in the sheets, pressing his forehead against his wrist as he squeezes his eyes shut at the sudden onslaught of emotion that seizes him.

It’s new and he thinks, briefly that he might be moving way too fast in the grand scheme of things but this is what love feels like. This is what loving Michael Guerin is supposed to be.

Michael presses a kiss to Alex’s shoulder, “You still with me?” he murmurs, curling his finger in a way that has Alex gasping and shifting under him. “Seems like you’re thinking too hard for what’s going on right now.” He whispers the words into Alex’s skin, and Alex can feel the curl of his lips as he says it, playful and teasing.

“Thinking about you,” Alex manages, the words muffled into the skin of his wrist, “Always thinking about you.”

Michael hums at that, and Alex hears the click of the lube cap again before another finger presses inside him, the suddenness causing him to gasp, “I’m right here, baby,” he says, voice filled with soft amusement, “Don’t have to think that hard about me.”

When Alex groans this time, it’s mostly out of exasperation, “Michael,” he says, “Don’t be a dick.”

Michael laughs then, leaning over to press a kiss to Alex’s temple, “Darlin’,” he coos, “I’m just teasing you, helping you relax a little,” he murmurs, “Tryin’ not to blow my load while I finger you, baby. Thinkin’ about how after all this time, it finally feels like I’ve come home.”

“Jesus,” Alex groans, “I’m not going to last if you keep talking like that,” he says, with the slightest hint of desperation in his voice.

Michael hums, pressing another kiss to Alex’s temple, “Think you can handle another?”

“Could probably take you now,” Alex murmurs, shifting under Michael again, a little in impatience, a little to get friction against his dick, “Didn’t want to come across as too easy or too much so soon, but—”

Michael shushes him again, “I’ve always liked how easy you get for me,” he whispers into Alex’s ear, “How much you wanted to be with me back then. Always eager to get your hands on me, always wanting mine on you…” he smiles when he feels Alex shiver, “It’s okay to want things, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get them.”

Alex makes a punched out sort of noise, “I want to feel you,” he admits quietly, shifting under Michael again, “Next time, we can go slower, you can draw it out for hours if you want, I just…”

“I’m going to hold you to that offer for next time,” Michael murmurs with a smile, “I’d love to get you all desperate and eager for me, keep you like this for however long I want,” he presses a kiss to Alex’s temple, then cheek, then jaw, “But this time, we’ve both wanted this for so long, I’d be a fool to draw it out for much longer.”

Alex makes some sort of noise in agreement and within the next few minutes, Michael is carefully sliding his fingers out of Alex, pressing a lingering kiss to the center of his back before the weight disappears—

Before he can think too much, before his lust addled mind can protest, Michael’s back, and suddenly, Alex’s need to see Michael kicks his hard in the ribs, “Michael, Michael,” he says, and his voice sounds strange to his own ears, “Michael, I want to see you, please.”

Michael’s weight disappears for a moment, and then his hands, warm and only the slightest bit sticky from lube are on his sides, helping him roll over until he’s spread out almost in the center of the bed, staring up at Michael with flushed cheeks and half lidded eyes.

“There you are,” Michael says with a warm smile, settling between Alex’s spread legs, his palms resting against Alex’s inner thighs now, pushing outward just enough for Alex to feel the stretch of it, “Like this?”

Alex nods, pushing himself up with one hand so he can curl his other arm around Michael’s shoulders, pulling him down until their chests are pressed together, tilting his head up so he can meet Michael’s lips in a kiss—he throws every single feeling he can’t put into words into that kiss, curling his fingers into the back of Michael’s hair, tugging him closer.

Michael goes easily, one hand gently cupping Alex’s jaw to kiss him back just as sweetly.

“I love you,” Alex whispers when they part, breathing heavily, lips parted and red, tempting and Michael kisses him again, harder this time, a little more desperate.

Michael pulls away moments later, resting their foreheads together, “I love you too,” he whispers into the space between their lips.

Alex smiles up at him, his cheeks flushed, eyes bright and happy and Michael makes a soft noise, “Jesus, Manes, you’re going to kill me.”

“Only in good ways, I hope,” Alex says, running his fingers through Michael’s hair, “Now,” he murmurs, nudging Michael’s side with his knee, “I believe we were in the middle of something?”

Michael huffs softly, fondly, shaking his head at Alex before leaning down for another quick kiss, “You’ve got me all distracted again,” he mumbles, leaning back as Alex drops back down onto the bed, laughing softly to himself and looking so happy that Michael almost wishes he could take a picture of this moment and keep it somewhere he can look at it whenever he feels the self-doubt sink in.

“Let me distract you in other ways, then,” Alex says with a grin, finding the lube, half wedged under his thigh now, “I think you know what to do from here, right?” he asks, tilting his head in question.

Michael shakes his head, laughs and takes the lube from Alex, shifting closer as he squeezes some lube into his palm, “You’re the one who kept distracting me,” he says, hissing softly as he takes himself in hand.

Alex bites his lower lip as he watches Michael touch himself, “Uh huh, just giving you a chance to get yourself under control so it’s not over in two minutes,” he teases, raising an eyebrow at Michael when he looks up, “Now come on,” he says, somewhat impatiently. “I need you, Michael.”

Michael huffs softly, uses the hand already around his dick to steady it as he pulls Alex’s hips further into his lap, pressing the head teasingly against where Alex wants him the most—he waits, listens to the hitch in Alex’s breath before he pushes inside, slow.

It’s incredible, like coming home all over again and something that now Michael’s sure he could never live without.

Alex’s hands grab for Michael’s biceps, head pushing back against the bed as he moans, half Michael’s name, half gibberish, curling one leg around Michael’s lower back, trying to pull him closer.

“I’ve got you,” Michael whispers, breathless, leaning close to press kisses along the curve of Alex’s jaw, “I’ve got you baby,” he repeats, feeling one of Alex’s hands come up to cup the back of his neck, holding him close, “Fuck, you feel amazing, so good for me, Alex.”

Alex makes a soft noise, shifting his hips further into Michael’s lap, “I missed this,” he admits with a sigh, sliding his palm up Michael’s arm, across his shoulder, “Missed us being together like this, feeling you like this.” He tilts his head, catching Michael’s lips in a sweet kiss. “You can move,” he murmurs into it. “I’m ready.”

The first several thrusts are slow, a little shaky, as if Michael can’t seem to believe he’s actually allowed to have this again, that this isn’t a dream, that Alex is here and real under him, whispering soft words of pleasure against his mouth.

Michael rests his forehead against Alex’s shoulder and Alex’s arms come around him, holding onto him as each near breathless affirmation grows in volume, Alex’s hands petting along his upper back, nails scratching against skin so gentle that Michael almost wants to cry—

“Faster,” Alex murmurs into Michael’s ear, palms spreading out against Michael’s skin as he digs his heel into Michael’s lower back, “Wanna feel it, Michael,” he whispers, “Wanna feel you all day, wanna remember this when I’m alone,” he drags his nails lightly up the center of Michael’s back, feeling him shudder under his touch, feels his hips quicken, feels the way Michael grabs him with both hands, hitching him higher into his lap, “That’s it—”

Michael makes a noise, something low and guttural as he pulls back from Alex’s shoulder, his lips finding Alex’s in a desperate kiss; deepening it almost immediately in a way that has Alex groaning into it, digging his nails harshly into Michael’s back.

“Gonna make you come first,” Michael mumbles as he pulls away, “Touch yourself for me, show me how good I’m making you feel, baby.” He brushes his nose gently against Alex’s before he’s glancing between them, watching Alex wrap a hand around himself, trying desperately to keep up with the quick pace Michael’s set.

It doesn’t take long after that, never takes long when they really get into it, Alex realizes somewhere distantly, they’d always been compatible sexually, everything about it explosive and mind blowing no matter the situation—but now, with Michael pressing kiss after kiss to every inch of exposed skin he can reach, with Michael whispering soft words against his shoulder, his chest, fucking into him just right, Alex can’t help himself—he gasps Michael’s name, long and low as he arches, feels Michael’s hand cover his as he comes, and together they stroke him through it until he’s sensitive and gasping, nudging their hands away with a shudder of almost too much.

Alex pulls him into another kiss, mostly gasping against Michael’s mouth, quietly urging Michael to keep moving, to keep going; half words of love and praise fall from his lips as Michael breaks away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Alex’s shoulder again, holding his hips tight enough to leave behind bruises and—fuck what a thought that is, and if Alex could get hard again, he probably would, at the thought of Michael marking him in a way that no one could see but the both of them would know.

“Come, Michael,” Alex whispers, tangling his fingers in Michael’s hair, giving it a light tug, turning his head to press a wet kiss to his temple, “Come for me, baby, let me feel you,” he murmurs, wrapping his free arm around Michael’s shoulders, holding onto him tight even as the shocks of overstimulation become just on the side of too much—he gasps when Michael’s teeth close over his skin, right on the curve of his shoulder and with one more good tug of his hair, Michael’s swearing softly into his skin, hips moving in quick, short thrusts as if he can’t help it.

Alex feels the warmth, the way Michael’s thrusts taper off until he’s pressed as close to Alex as he can, buried deep inside him, gasping wetly against his shoulder as he comes down from his high, Alex’s hands gentle now, one petting over his sweaty back, the other gently scratching Michael’s scalp.

“Fuck,” Michael eventually mutters, pulling back so he can look down at Alex, “We’ve still got it, huh?” he asks, face adorably flushed, looking completely fucked out as Alex feels and Alex laughs, gently pulling Michael down into another kiss.

Michael goes to pull back, to separate them, to clean up, but Alex just makes an impatient noise against his mouth, tugging him deeper into the kiss, into his embrace, until Michael’s weight is resting fully on Alex, pressing him down into the bed.

When they finally do separate, Alex laughs a little, brushing Michael’s hair back from his face, “I know we should clean up, maybe get breakfast, but I kind of want you right here for a little bit longer.” He admits softly, framing Michael’s face with his hands. “We have a lot to do still and I’m not ready for this to end just yet.”

“The afterglow?” Michael asks, leaning into Alex’s touch, eyes fluttering closed, smiling when Alex hums in reply. “I think we can stay like this a little bit longer, don’t think the world’s gonna end just yet.

Alex glances over at the window, where the curtain’s parted just enough to let in the early morning light—and Michael huffs a little, waves his hand as the curtains close on their own, the room suddenly a little darker than before.

“Michael,” Alex says, snatching his phone out of the air from where it’s floating just beside them, “What—”

“Set an alarm, give us an hour, and then, we’ll get ready and go save the world,” Michael says, “I think we can afford that, don’t you?”

Alex looks between his phone, at the time across the screen—it’s not even nine yet, and then he looks down at Michael who’s staring up at him with such a look of love that Alex’s heart seizes in his chest, “Okay,” he finally says, “Okay, yeah,” he blindly fumbles his way through setting an alarm, tossing his phone down onto the bed when he’s done, “An hour. Breakfast then? We can go to the Crashdown, together,” he says, extra emphasis on the word together.

Michael’s smile is bright, and he leans down, presses a kiss to Alex’s mouth, “I knew I could convince you,” he says, shifting enough to rest his head on Alex’s chest, “An hour for us and then we’ll face the world together.”

[notsowrites]

Untitled 3x01 Coda #2

I truly loved all the Forlex in the episode, and the Miluca scene was so soft - but hello?? RNM?? Where is my Malex? I demand to be fed. So I guess I will just have to write it my damn self.

----------

Alex watched as Michael's truck pulled into the junkyard, grinding to a halt next to his SUV. They hadn't spoken since he'd gotten back, and it was probably time. Especially with everything that'd happened with Forrest, the revelation about Deep Sky and his subsequent decision regarding them... it was a lot to process. He'd lit the fire pit when he's arrived, knowing it might be a while before Michael returned, and had settled into one of the chairs, enjoying the cool breeze of the night and finally allowing himself a moment to think about Forrest. 

A moment to wonder if he's made the right decision, if he should have gotten on that bus. If down the line somewhere he was going to regret the path that he'd now set himself upon. He couldn't stop thinking about Kyle's advice, about the loneliness and isolation he'd be getting himself into by allowing himself to be recruited into their ranks.

Michael looked tired, that much Alex could see even through the darkness. His curls were wild, like he'd been running his hands through them for hours, his black cowboy hat nowhere to be found, and Alex wondered what he'd missed in the 12 hours since he'd been back in town.

"Didn't expect to see you here." 

No, Alex thought, he wouldn't. It wasn't like they'd left in a great place either when he'd made the decision a year ago that he was going to clean up his father's mess so he could finally move on, move past everything regarding his fucked up family history.

"Didn't expect my night to end up here either," he replied, trying to sound friendly, and knowing he wasn't completely succeeding.

Michael stopped next to one of the empty chairs, taking in the lit fire, and nodded, his hands tightening on the metal of the back. "And where did you think you'd end up?" 

Alex shrugged, looking away. He didn't know how much he wanted to tell Michael - did he tell him he'd been thinking he could make a good go of it with Forrest? That he almost got on a bus out of town with him?

"Have you ever heard of something called Deep Sky?"

The laugh Michael let out cut right through to Alex's core. He could feel the anger, the frustration - every bit of Michael's emotions as he dropped into the chair in front of him. 

"You've got to be kidding me."

Michael pulled a flask out of his jacket pocket and took a generous sip, shaking his head. As Alex watched, he realized how good alcohol sounded right about now, and maybe that was what he needed to do, despite the beers he'd had at the Pony earlier with Kyle.

"Is that-" 

Michael narrowed his eyes at him. "It's acetone." 

After another moment, Michael stood up, tucking the flask away and pulling open the door to the trailer, disappearing inside with a slam of the metal door. Barely a moment later, it was opening again, Michael reappearing with two bottles of beer in his hand, holding one out for Alex. 

"Thanks. It's been-" he sighed, realizing it was inevitable he'd be telling Michael everything that had happened to him. "It's been a night."

"You wanna talk about it?"

This was still new territory for them. Even after all the time they'd spent together uncovering the truth about Michael's mother, Alex couldn't deny his absence over the last year had probably hurt Michael. It hadn't been that they hadn't talked, hadn't had stilted, awkward phone conversations as he'd dug into Project Shepherd and his father's involvement, reporting on anything he might think Michael found useful. But talking, really opening up to one another, was still something they didn't do.

"Do you want to hear me tell you that I almost left town with Forrest?" 

Michael shook his head. "But you're here." 

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "I'm here."

"So what happened?" Michael immediately followed up, taking a sip of his beer. 

Alex bit his lip, carefully considering his words. "There's an organization called Deep Sky - they want to recruit me. And there's a part of me - the part that has been involved in trying to figure out what Project Shepherd was doing - that wants to let them." 

"But?" Michael knew him too well. 

"But," Alex continued, "it would mean secrecy. It would mean cutting myself off from everyone." 

"Sounds like you've already made up your mind."

"That's why I'm here, I guess," Alex realized. "I haven't. And I didn't really know - I still haven't decided." 

"I'm not making that decision for you, Alex."

"I'm not-" Alex stopped, feeling himself get annoyed at Michael inferring that he was unable to make the choice himself. "I'm not asking you to."

"Then what, Alex? Why come here and tell me all of this?" 

He watched as Michael finished off the beer in his hand, dropping the bottle to the ground and taking flash back out from his jacket.The words were stuck in his throat, to tell Michael that there was a part of him that wanted to do this for him. For Michael. 

"This could be my chance to learn things my father never could.” He paused, knowing he had to answer Michael’s question too. “And because I still want you to know." 

Silence fell between them immediately, and Alex noticed the way Michael's shoulder relaxed slightly, and he fell back against his chair. 

"I came to the bus stop today," Michael said, his voice quiet, his chin tucked into his chest so he couldn't look at Alex. As if the words he was saying were something he didn't want to admit, didn't want to talk about. Alex didn't understand it - in all their years together, Michael had never held back from him. "I thought-" He cut himself off, and Alex watching him shake his head, looking away, making sure he couldn't catch Alex's gaze.

But Alex needed to know. Michael had been there? At the bus stop? Had he been so focused on Forrest that he hadn't noticed?

"I saw you," Michael continued, "-you and Forrest. So I left." 

"You could have said hi."

Michael shrugged. "You looked busy."

All those years ago, when he'd left Roswell for basic as a scared and angry seventeen year old, he's been furious that Michael had gotten himself arrest and locked up. That he'd had to leave town without saying good-bye. It had been a deep hurt that had lingered for years with him, something he couldn't understand. Why had stealing hubcaps been more important?

And what could he even say to that? That Michael had shown up in that way - was he trying to right the wrong of that day more than a decade again?

But they weren't - they weren't anything anymore. Except maybe friends.

"We broke up," Alex replies instead of telling Michael he wanted him to be there at the bus stop. Instead of admitting that Michael is the only one he's ever wanted to greet him when he's returned to Roswell. Because Michael is the only person who has ever made Roswell feel like home, like he could be happy here.

"You and-" 

Alex nodded. "That's how I found out about Deep Sky." 

Michael glared at him, processing his words. "He was using you?" 

"No!" Alex shook his head. "No, I don't think so."

Silence fell between them, the only sound crickets in the distance and the fire crackling between them in the pit. It felt nice, it felt comfortable. He wanted more of it, he wanted to do this more often. 

“If I do this,” he starts, a plan devising in his mind. “I don’t want to be cut off completely. That much isolation - it can’t be good.”

Michael nodded. “So what are you going to do?”

“If they’re as desperate to recruit me as Forrest made it sound, maybe I don’t have to.” It was possible he knew, to have his own demands for his cooperation. Especially if Deep Sky was this interested in him. Perhaps he could have communication with someone, perhaps he could negotiate his won way to not be completely cut off from everyone. “I don’t want - I don’t think-”

The words stuck in his throat. Why was it so hard to say the things he wanted? He wanted Michael to be the one he told his findings to. Anything he may come across that would help him understand his own history, his people, where he came from - Alex wanted to find those answers for him. 

"I meant what I said, you know," he continued, finding his voice finally. "About being friends."

"About starting over?"

Alex nods. Because that's always been their problem, hasn't it? He knows everything about Liz and Maria and Kyle from their birthdays to the favorite foods and drinks but he didn't know all those little thing about Michael. And it feels important somehow that he find them out. That he really learn who Michael is.

Because if there is one thing the past two years has shown him is it's not going to change anything between them. He's always going to love Michael.

He doesn't quite understand it, what it is about their connection that is so strong that even now, even after everything they've been through, that they're still drawn together. And maybe he can find answers with Deep Sky.

But what he does know is that he wants Michael to be the one at the bus stop waiting for him next time. Wants to know that Michael is there.

What he doesn't know is how long it may take for them to work their way back, but it's not something he plans on jumping into. Not with the fight with Forrest still so fresh.

But one day, maybe some day soon.

[stillwinchester]

hello! 😊 I’ve got a prompt, it’s more dean-focused and not very original but could you maybe write something about dean coming out as bi to sam in the impala and also talking about his feelings for cas? congrats on having 500 followers btw!

10x16 coda (thank you for the prompt!)

“You know… you were in that confessional a long time. Look, man, I’m just saying, I’m your brother, Dean. If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.”

“Okay.”

But it's not. Nothing is okay. But you just need to keep going, tell you’re fine, right? Dean was always good at pretending, or maybe he just likes to think like this about himself.

They’re coming back to the bunker after their last case, silence in the car is annoying, so Dean turns the radio on.

“Freddie Mercury!” Dean says enthusiastically when ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ start playing.

“Better than your usually choices”

“My usually choices are as good as Freddie. And by the way, I didn't know you can appreciate a real music,” he teases.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

They’re riding in silence for a moment before Dean speaks again. He’s not sure how actually he should start this conversation. And if he should do this at all.

“He… I mean, Freddie, he wasn't straight, you know that?” he asks, trying to make his voice casually. It’s no big deal, just the most normal talk between brothers.

“Yeah… It's a common knowledge, Dean. And I'm not Cas.”

Cas? Dean tenses up, feeling a lump in his throat. He knows! Sam knows. But he needs to be sure.

“Cas? Why did you mention him?”

“Because he's a dude who knows shit about anything from pop culture?” he answers his question with another question.

“Yeah, right… I just wanted to let you know. About Freddie.”

“Why?”

“Just because.” And that’s all. He said too much already, why the hell he thought it’s a good idea?

Sam shifts in his seat and huffs. Dean wants to say something, of course, but it’s not going to be easy to get information. Sam doesn’t want to push him too much.

“Okay, are you gonna tell me what's going on? Or we're still playing in this weird game?”

Dean bites his lips, thinking what to do and trying to get up enough courage.

“I'm like Freddie.” It's the only thing comes from Dean's mouth. He's staring on the road, hands on the wheel, his knuckles turn white

“You're not straight,” Sam says, he doesn't need any confirmation, but Dean nods anyway, still not looking at his brother. Focus on the road, you can make it through this…

“It's okay, Dean. You need to know that it's okay.”

Dean shakes his head. No, it's not. Nothing is okay.

“It's… it's not okay, Sammy. I'm broken, something is wrong with me.”

The worst part of this is that Dean really believes that. For years, he was hiding who he was because dealing with that would be harder than pretending he’s straight. Even if this secret was killing him inside.

“Dean, don't say like that. If it's because of what dad said…”

“It's not about him! But he was right, that I'm damaged!” he interrupts him a little too loud. He doesn’t want to fight, not now and not because of this.

“Charlie. Do you think she's broken?” asks Sam, and it’s the first time when Dean gives him a quick glance.

“What? It's a stupid argument,” he says, focusing on the road again. Sam can see hesitation on his face.

“And Freddie? Do you think he was broken?”

“I… No, he wasn't,” he admits, but he’s still not convinced. Sam just nods, he realizes that Dean need time.

“You're not broken, Dean. And you can love whoever you want.”

Dean clears his throat and says one more thing.

“Umm, Sam. I'm into chicks too, you know, just to be clear. I'm bisexual.”

Sam smirks and refrains from rolling his eyes.

“Just like Freddie.”

“Yeah, just like Freddie.”

The new song starts playing. This time it’s ‘Living On My Own’, again old, good Freddie.

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry.

So lonely…

Great! Couldn’t they play something else? Lyrics of this song hit him, he turns the radio off, it doesn’t go unseen.

“And what about Cas?” Sam begins insecure. He hopes he doesn’t step on his personal space. “Will you tell him?”

“No. I don’t wanna risk. He could look at me different after that. You know, he could have some conclusions.”

“What conclusions?”

“That I’m in love with him.” He can’t believe he said it loud. But it happened, and Sam can do whatever he wants with it.

“Are you?” he asks, but this time the answer doesn’t come. He takes it as a ‘yes’. “Dean, you know, he’s an angel. And the angels… they don’t see gender, just souls.”

He didn’t think about it like this, but Sam is right. And that gives him a hope, that maybe… just maybe, it’s not unrequited.

“Okay,” He says eventually. “I’ll tell him.”

Sam looks at Dean, he isn’t sure what he’s talking about. He’ll tell him he’s bisexual, or that he’s in love with him?

Maybe both?

Yeah, both is good.

[theheartchoice]

post-15.19 coda  |  dean/cas  |  dean + sam  |  1.3k  |  ao3 

"We're all set here."

Dean hums as Sam brushes his hands together in his periphery. He didn't even realise they were so close to finishing the set up. 

"Now it's just a matter of timing." 

Timing. Cas had the worst timing. Saying something like that at a time like that, leaving Dean with more questions than answers. 

"Dean?" 

"..Huh?" 

"You okay? You spaced-out, for a minute there." 

"Yeah, I'm just—" he waves a hand around, trying and failing to capture what he's feeling. 

"Look, about Jack," Sam steps closer, voice dipping to a tone that means sympathy and support, the kind that gets a work out on a case. "I know things with you two have always been kind of complicated, and I can imagine that him not bringing Cas back has only made things harder—" 

"—Woah, Sam. No. I get it—really. He's hands off, y'know? Probably for the best. Meddling was Chuck's problem, it's how everything got so screwed up in the first place." Not that he's palming all his mistakes off on bad writing, but still. Jack not intervening is a good thing, in a way. 

"Yeah, I guess. Makes you wonder if he might not condone what we're doing here, you know?" 

Dean hums again. "But you'd think if he let anyone have one more get-out-of-jail-free card it'd be Cas. Who knows, maybe Jack's rootin' for us."

"Yeah, maybe," Sam chuckles. "Don't worry. It's gonna work."

That's sort of what Dean's worried about. 

"You seem nervous."

Maybe Sam could help. 

"You sure you're okay?" 

"I just—" how does he even phrase it? "When Cas was—I mean, before he saved me, he.. said some stuff." 

"What kind of stuff?" 

"Big stuff. Deathbed confession, type-stuff." 

"Confession? What did he—" and realisation dawns on Sam, because of-fucking-course it does. "Oh."

No use hiding it now. "Yeah, 'oh'."

"So. He finally told you." 

Wait what? "What d'you mean finally?" 

"Dean." And there's so much in just that one word. "Cas has been in love with you for.. well, I don't know how long, exactly. A while, I think. Years." 

Dean's lungs empty in a rush. "Okay, see, that's the thing: he's an Angel, Sam."

"Yeah, I kinda picked up on that."

Dean sends him a bitch face but Sam just smiles. "Tha—it's a human emotion. Angels don'—they can't feel that way." Right?

"Serafina did."

"Pretty sure she and Adam from the freakin' Garden of Eden knew each other for more than a few years. More like eons." 

"Since when does time determine love?" Sam gets a look Dean remembers from when he'd talk about the past, about Jess. Probably not something he wants to bring up right now, seeing as how Eileen's right outside. 

"Cas is my best friend, but he's literally older than the world." 

"So it's an age-thing?" 

"Wh—? No!" Dean takes a deep breath, to steady himself, steady his train of thought. "I know Cas is an Angel, okay? I mean, there's the mojo, and the not-sleeping, and he saw the first fish crawl outta the ocean—the whole nine. That's not what's botherin' me." Sam waits patiently. "I know he cares. I just don't know if.." If he feels the same way I do. "If he really feels the way he thinks he does. About me, about love, an'.." Dean swallows. "Love."

For all his tact in handling witnesses during a case (people who're at their most vulnerable), Sam fucking snickers. 

Dean glares daggers; half-hurt, half not surprised because isn't that how little brothers are supposed to act? They laugh at their sibling's relationship troubles? But Sam gets it, because his face softens. 

"Dean. Maybe Angels do feel things differently from Humans. In fact, it's pretty much guaranteed. But Cas has always been different from the rest of them. And I've been here over the years, you know. I've seen it." 

"Seen what?" 

"The way he looks at you. And I never thought it was some big secret, I mean—you saw it too! And you looked at him the same way." 

"Did not!" Sam gives him that: c'mon Dean you can't fool me here face, and he let's it go. Sam's probably not wrong. 

"What did you say? After he told you."

"I.." Nothing. He told Cas—begged him not to do it that way—but everything was happening so fast, and there was a decade's worth of doubt stopping Cas' words—those three huge words—from sinking in. Even after, as everything finally hit him and he curled up on the dungeon floor and cried his freakin' eyes out, even then, even now, he still doesn't know what he would've said if he had the moment again. "There was no time."

Sam nods. "Well, now there is. You guys can talk—"

"—What if I'm right?" Sam's brow crinkles at that. "I mean, no offence Sam, but I know him better than you do. What if.. what Cas feels, is.." he trails off, unable to get the words out. 

"..Are you worried he's not in love with you, or that he is?" 

One sounds better than the other. Both sound kinda terrifying. 

Sam sighs, and it's almost pitiful.

"I don't wanna lose him." As a friend, most of all. Because if Cas misunderstood the whole love-confession thing being for non-brotherly love then Dean won't say anything, obviously, but it'll hurt. Cas will be back but things will be different—worse actually, because that whole thing with The Empty made him confront his own feelings (or stop suppressing them, at least). Cas isn't just a friend to him, and it's not familial either. But can they go back to being 'just friends' after everything? Can Dean? 

"Dean, no matter what happens you're not going to lose him. Just look at everything the two of you have already been through."

Now there's a distracting and somewhat depressing train of thought. Apocalyptic times can't tear them apart, not for good, and even death is nothing new. It would be a painful joke of cosmic proportions if the thing that actually ruins their friendship is love. 

"Do you love him?" Dean's head snaps up to meet Sam's eyes. "Are you in love with Cas?" 

Eileen returns before he can think of a way to deflect, cutting off anymore talk about it. 

She gestures to Sam and he tells Dean, "It's time. You ready?" 

Dean's not sure what he would've said but the truth is best kept for Cas' ears anyway. And Sam's right. They have time. They can talk, and hopefully they'll figure things out and where they stand with as little heartache as possible. There's no avoiding it, not now, not after everything. He nods, steeling his resolve. "Yeah. I'm ready." 

At least he knows Chuck is no longer pulling their strings and that whatever happens from here on out it really is just him and Cas. The thought never even crossed his mind that Cas' confession might be Chuck's doing. Chuck didn't care enough about him to bother, and besides: Cas was always the rebel against God's story.

Dean steps over the threshold of painted sigils, taking his place in the centre of the circle. As Sam starts chanting he feels his worry over the truth of Cas' words ebb away and hope flow in to supplant it. The phantom scar of a handprint on his shoulder from when Cas rescued from Hell seems to flare to life and brand itself back into Dean's flesh, and the only thing going through his mind is: what if Cas really is in love with me? He smiles at the thought. 

As the glowing portal tears into existence before him he remembers something else Cas said to him, back when Dean was questioning his whole reality. Cas was steadfast and sincere as ever as he held Dean's eye and told him that they were real. And for the first time Dean knows that to be true. He feels it in his very soul. 

With his hand raised he moves towards the portal and braces for some kind of inter-dimensional shift, but he's not scared. This is the right thing to do, for both of them. 

Time to grip an Angel tight and raise him from perdition. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

as usual no thesis statement really but was appreciating brooke’s 3.0 vimh “embrace the traits that make you so odd” line last night & how like, her & jeremy’s relationship kicked off b/c other people guided them into like gunning for Romance & while that was like, fine but obviously doesn’t work out, in the finale they’ve got at least the basis for a real friendship already & all of the development that got them there was while they were engaged in / pursuing this romantic relationship w/each other, lovers to friends, & really like, Concurrent &/or overlapping friendship / romance development, which applies to jeremy & christine’s relationship too, & sure Can be applied to say, jeremy & michael’s, or most anyone else’s, b/c i just end up generally appreciating how for bmc what’s important is that people manage to connect w/each other &/or have these genuine relationships / dynamics wherein they get to be their actual selves with each other, & whether any of these connections are romantic or not is basically beside the point

like how jeremy’s side of his relationship w/christine was resolved at the climax of the the play scene, & in vimh he’s already doing great for having gotten this resolution w/his dad & w/ michael (& also rich (cue the entirely reasonable theory that christine thinks rich is on the list of cast members jeremy’s been pucking his way through when what she’s observed is their having apparently become overnight besties)) & he’s obviously not happy about thinking christine probably just hates him now / doesn’t want to talk again but is still fine with the whole situation; & while we the audience would still need to at least indirectly hear from christine again b/c her arc had hardly resolved during the play there, they both could’ve already learned what they needed to from their relationship over the course of the show & been Fine even if she really hadn’t wanted to talk or anything, & the fact that she does still Like jeremy after all that (& all the more for the Understanding & Context she got re: where he’s been coming from w/all this & how he really feels about her, i.e. he does like her for who she’s always actually been, rather than this Supposedly Ideal version of her which isn’t just the squip thinking it’s ideal but like, it’s related to her own feelings that maybe her best self Is perfectly playing a role on center stage. & also that he doesn’t want her bound to this like a.i. neural network anyways regardless of how he feels about the version of her it presents lol, very nice to know too) & well anyways what i’m getting at is it’s like an epic coda that they do both wanna kiss & get to after all of that simultaneous / overlapping friendship & romance development between them, & it’s like, no they Don’t have to get together like that to be okay, but it is always Incorrect when, say, people wanna write fic that’s technically canon compliant but also Doesn’t have the two of them dating so there’s w/e excuse given, but then also doesn’t have christine & jeremy have Any significant relationship going forward really, which is like, i guess sure that’s possible lol but if you’re acknowledging that christine def did wanna see & talk to him again then that just really doesn’t make sense b/c it wasn’t that the Resolution of their relationship, & all that mattered therein, was simply that they’re specifically dating.....there’s no hard & unyielding “their relationship IS romance & romance IS their relationship” so like you can brush the romance offstage if you wanna but hey where’s their friendship going!!!!! like don’t undermine your own analysis of a relationship dynamic if clearing the romantic relationship table for say, jeremy & michael, b/c it’s the same deal of like, you can see how a relationship that didn’t happen to get any clearcut romantic resolution at the end could Still be considered as development for romance, so like, we’re on the same page that a relationship / the development of that relationship that may not be romantic is still significant even if they don’t happen to kiss at the end of what we see, then if you go “what if [jeremy & christine kissing] is no longer currently relevant” it’s like okay, that significant relationship is still there though

anyways it’s fun how jeremy & brooke are trying to romance each other b/c these figures who tell them how to supposedly play by the social rules to their best advantage are telling them they should, but even if they're down to kiss both of them are looking to relate to each other beyond any squip or squip equivalent kind of “he was a boy she was a girl who wants to make out with you, so don’t stop to talk about Why she likes you or anything & then genuinely relate to each other in a more specific way by doing so” like, thinking of how brooke already Relates to jeremy not b/c she specifically hates madeline so much as b/c of his having supposedly also been cheated on before. & also to just be nice to each other vs whatever else they supposedly “”should”” do....& so even if they’re not together romantically they’ve still made these genuine connections & like each other, & that after all that, brooke liked the ways in which jeremy was weird

maybe a sidebar re: how we don’t really know if jake & christine ended up particularly being friends, even though they supposedly had this equivalent sort of “this is me choosing to be Different from how i usually am / have a different role” & you know, inherently better that nobody’s telling them this is what they Should do, but it also never really seems to go beyond “well, this is just Different for the both of us” so doesn’t seem like there’s too much to be friends about, although also i’m sure they could be in a way similar to brooke & jeremy & you know, we just don’t glimpse it, nice that jake’s at least indirectly rooting for christine’s possible future relationship w/jeremy here lmao

well anyways like i said no thesis statement. just galaxy braining Relationships re: friendship & romance here & how so long as its this genuine connection it’s not really vital whether any given connection involves romance Or Not, i.e. it’s not like well either we’re soulmates or nothing, & also isn’t like “well if i’m girl & you’re boy & we kiss then that’s automatically gonna be the most important thing for either of our lives” lol