#OH MY WORD BUT I AM SO EXCITED FOR BOOK 7 REGARDLESS.

[fukashiin]

YOUR THEMES ARE ALWAYS SO PRETTY SAIHFSDBGIODBGOSJBDGADJ how are you :D !!!!!

REMYYYYYYY <333 im happy it looks pretty to you pooka butt i missed youb somuch sobbinf????? IVE BEEN PANICKIGN BECAUSE. BECAUSE CHAPTWR 7 IS COMIGGN OUT IN LATE NOVEMBER AND I HAVENT BEATEN IDIAS HOT OVERBLOT ASSYET

[katyamorrigan]

‘A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat’ - Chp. 1!

Gang banner by @verdiris​

A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat

A trunk of contraband items ends up in the hands of the Crows, but the item that piques their curiosity most is the large box labelled “MONOPOLY”. Kaz is out of the Slat for the time being, so of course they decide to play it. Was there ever a mission more likely to fail than six criminals with lethal skills and undeniable emotional ties all trying to build a make-believe empire without killing each other in the process? Answer: yes - all of the above while attempting to pull off a heist at the same time.

Turns out board games weren’t the only interesting items shipped into Fifth Harbour that afternoon, and now the Razorgulls are interested. It will take all of the gang’s effort to break into two buildings full of rival gang members, regain possession of the contraband, and make it back to the Slat in one piece. And that’s without the inherent strains of playing at business negotiations with a group of decidedly underhand friends.

Join the Crows as they cheat, steal, lie, and bribe each other, all before the heist has even begun.

I am so excited to finally get to share the fic that I have been working on for the @grishaversebigbang​ over the last few months - A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat! Getting to take part in the Grishaverse Big Bang 2021 has been so much fun, and I have had the honour of working with an absolutely incredible gang of artists and the loveliest beta reader. It’s been an absolute blast, and this is one of my favourite things that I’ve written. Thank you so much to everyone that I’ve worked with, and I hope that you enjoy reading and admiring the story and art that we’ve created!

Here is everyone in my gang, with links to the work that they’ve created (some art may relate to chapters of the fic that haven’t been posted yet - the fic will be posted in its entirety within the next 3 weeks and the art will be linked within the fic on the relevant lines, but also there’s nothing that will spoil the story for you, so don’t worry!):

Corporalki: @davonysus​ (who is the most wonderful beta reader, thank you for everything that you contributed to this story!)

Materialki: 

@ciph3rrr​ with hilarious Crows-minus-Kaz Monopoly shenanigans from Chapter 1

@j-wirth​ ​with this brilliant Inej and Wesper moment inspired by Chapters 2 and 7

@bloodysusher​ with a gorgeous group moment in Chapter 7

@verdiris​ with some amusing Kaz geniusness from Chapter 7

@maximumbluebirdpatrol​ (link still to come)

@emmaxtw​ (link still to come)

There are 7 chapters in total, so I shall be uploading a new one every Tuesday and Saturday until 25th September. Look below the cut for an excerpt from Chapter 1, and if you want to read the full thing (and check out the collection of all the other incredible pieces created for the GVBB) then click either of the links. I hope that you enjoy!

AHOTBIWTOTG Chapter 1 Excerpt:

The front door of the Slat opened with a loud clatter, and slammed shut on itself seconds later. It made Inej jump in her seat as she sat going over ship documentation - which, as it turned out, there was a lot of - in the front room. Nina gave her a look, and Inej wrinkled her nose back at her; the Wraith didn’t startle easily, but equally, there was usually less banging of doors while she tried to organise her finances.

“Honeys, I’m home!” Came Jesper’s voice. “And I brought treats!”

“It had better be more exciting than that time you came back from Cilla’s Fry with meat pies,” Inej called back. “That was underwhelming.”

“Speak for yourself,” Nina chimed in. “I was more than happy to finish up those.”

“We know.” Matthias gave her a knowing look, and Wylan sniggered as she raised a single finger at him in response. 

The bickering that came from everyone trying to work on separate projects at the same time was one of the many reasons that Inej hadn’t made it past the first page of her sailing license. That being said, she joined in the chuckling at Nina’s expense.

“Oh, it’s definitely better than Cilla’s pies, but you’ll have to take a look for yourself.”

Jesper rounded the corner, a large trunk tucked under one slim arm. His face was bright from the brisk, cold air of the streets, and a bead of sweat dropped from his chin as he deposited the luggage on the table beside Inej. She sighed heavily as the wad of pages in front of her jumped with the sudden extra weight.

“Sorry,” Jesper grinned. She just rolled her eyes fondly in response.“Come on, who wants to see what I’ve got?”

Nina, Matthias and Wylan all got up from the neighbouring table and crowded around Inej and Jesper. It was uncomfortable having so many significantly taller people stood behind her while she was sitting, so Inej scooped up her papers and deposited them on the floor, taking their place on the table so that she could get a good look at the trunk.

“Where did you get that?” Matthias asked.

“Well, our dearest Kaz decided to put me on shipment duty and I had to wait around at the Exchange for a boat full of contraband to come in. It took hours, so as soon as I saw something that looked interesting, I used my innumerable skills to swipe it so that we could take a look inside.”

““Innumerable” is a long word for you,” Nina quipped. 

A bubble of laughter rose up amongst the group, and Jesper stuck his tongue out childishly. “Fine, no contraband for you.”

“No, I want to look!”

“Be nice, then. I get first dibs on anything cool because I found it.”

Matthias snorted. “What happened to the ancient rule of “finder’s keepers”?”

“I found the trunk, therefore I found anything that’s inside it by proxy.”

“Can we just open it up?” Wylan said impatiently. “I feel like we’re building expectations by arguing like this – it’s probably smuggled whiskey or something.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for Kaz?” Inej asked. The others gave her a look of incredulity. “Where is he, anyway?”

There was a brief moment of looking at each other for answers, before Jesper answered decisively. “If he was so worried about what came in on the boat, he would’ve gone himself. And if he isn’t here now, then he’ll just have to accept whatever is left over from the spoils.”

“We aren’t actually pirates, you know,” Inej said.

“Not yet,” Jesper stage-whispered in reply, and Inej found herself grinning, pleased. “Gather around, then.” He beckoned everyone closer like a ringmaster at the centre of a performance. 

Inej was surprised to find that her heart was actually beating faster with the thought of what might be inside. Wylan was probably right that they were getting themselves worked up over nothing, but all the same, she couldn’t help hoping that they found something rare or exciting. Perhaps it was gold? Guns? Something dangerous? You could never know when it came to the imports of Ketterdam, and for once Inej was glad for the intensity of life in the city. It could very well be something extraordinary.

The catches on the front of the trunk lifted easily, but there was a thick knot of string around the middle as well. Jesper struggled to untie it, so Inej slipped a knife from her sleeve and cut it off with one flick of her wrist. Giving her a mischievous look, Jesper dug his fingernails under the lid and with a crackle of flaking rust, the trunk opened.

On top there was a loose gauzy scarf clearly intended to keep moisture out of the trunk on the long sea voyage, which had definitely served its purpose; the red print had blotted itself onto the inside of the lid, and there were water stains on it where it had protected the rest of the cargo. Matthias and Nina went to grab it at the same time, but it ended up in Nina’s hands regardless as he passed it to her with a shy smile.

“I thought you would want it, so I was making sure no-one else got there first.”

Wylan made an exaggerated gagging noise, and Matthias’ expression quickly reverted to his familiar scowl.

“Aha!”

Jesper reached forward and pulled out two pistols, both only a little rusty and with a single blue gem stamped into the body of each. With impressive speed he turned around and mimed firing two shots at the wall before holstering them beside his favoured revolvers.

As Matthias pulled out a slim soft-covered book, Inej realised that she was far too focused on the discoveries of her friends and was going to miss out on finding her own treasures otherwise. Lifting up two more scarves – this time green and blue – she found another couple of books which she handed to Nina. Her friend’s focus was pulled away from adjusting her hair under her newly matching scarf to flicking through the pages and wrinkling her nose hard.

“I don’t recognise the language, but I can understand it well enough,” Nina mused.

“Where did the boat come in from, Jesper?” Wylan asked as he opened a small wooden keepsake box full of golden rings in varying levels of ornate decoration.

“Kaz didn’t say, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay much attention.”

Nina tutted and continued her reading with Matthias peering over her shoulder. With fingers now covered in rings, Wylan pulled out a long fur coat that smelt of mould. Removing its furry cuffs from the case, Inej reached into the trunk for what seemed to be the last item: a big box made of thick card, with a green cover and the word MONOPOLY emblazoned on the top. The lettering was incredibly clear, but it didn’t look as though it had been done by hand or with a printing press. It had an odd shiny feel to the outside as well, like it had been coated in order to keep out the damp.

Inej sat it on the table and lifted the lid. It came off easily, and revealed a large square of that same thick card in bright red that unfolded into a larger board with regular markings on it.

“What in the Saints’ names is that?” Nina remarked, putting down her reading material.

“I have no idea. It was at the bottom of the trunk.”

“Is it a map?” Wylan suggested.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Inej murmured as she put the board down and looked at what was left in the box. 

Underneath that map-like object was a tray divided into several compartments, with little silver tokens collected in one, some colourful playing cards of an unknown variety in another, and some appealing little houses done in an unusual material in both green and red. Beside those lay a rack of what looked like currency, in the same shape and thickness as notes of kruge. Jesper immediately started rifling through it all, mixing up the various collections and inspecting them all with irregular attention. Although Wylan slapped his hand away with a tut, it clearly wasn’t out of lack of interest.

“What is it?” Nina asked again. Taking the board in her hands, she began to stumble through the words written on it.

“Collect 200… something, looks like it could be a currency symbol because it says “salary” after that, as you pass GO... Old Kent Road, another amount of money… sixty? Community chest, Whitechapel Road, same amount of money as the other square…”

As she turned it over in her hands, a slim white booklet fell out onto the table. Inej started forward and managed to snatch it up before anyone else did, although the gesture was useless as she immediately handed it to Nina, who skimmed over the first few lines and let out a delighted noise.

“It’s a game! A board game! Seems like you play by going around the board which has place names marked out on it, and you buy up the land so that you can build houses on it. And you compete to earn the most money.”

“Who’s sending weird foreign board games to Ketterdam?” Wylan said incredulously. “Are you sure it’s not got something contraband hidden in there somehow?”

Inej laughed. “Does a game based on financial gain not strike you as the most Kerch thing in the world? I can well believe a mercher bought this to educate their children on the fun of working under Ghezen.”

Wylan cracked a grin at that, and Nina snorted. She pushed the box towards him.

“Take a look if you want.”

He lifted up the tray of items and ran his fingers along the underside, then looked inside each of the little model houses as if there might be gemstones wedged in the base like on Jesper’s guns. Wylan tapped along the top of the board, but there were no hidden compartments or secret openings. It seemed as though they had genuinely come across some kind of entertainment from another country.

“Shall we play it?” Jesper said with a broad grin at everyone. “We’ve got nothing else on, have we?”

“I’m meant to have applied for my sailing license by the end of next week,” Inej said weakly, but she wasn’t much interested in her own excuse. This bizarre-looking game they had stolen by chance had already caught her attention far more than boat permits and crew-hiring documents.

“I’m happy to,” Matthias said, and Nina and Wylan nodded fervently as well.

“Perfect! Let’s not disturb everyone’s things down here, we can take it into another room.”

“Nobody’s bedrooms are big enough,” Nina complained. “Kaz is too cheap to give us enough space to actually enjoy our stay at The House of Brekker.”

“His bedroom is, though.”

Read more here!

[marauders-venting]

I Know Him

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: murder mystery fluff

warnings: several mentions of murder, child abuse, blood (stabbing and bullet wounds), hints at homophobia, hints at sex

words: 4447

a/n: this is a switching fandoms fic with harry potter characters in the sherlock holmes universe. In this fic remus is holmes and sirius is watson. I have kept certain aspects that i thought were important about remus and sirius’ personalities but i had to give them some of holmes and watson’s personality traits for the fic to make sense.

also just so you know I based this fic off the original sherlock holmes books only. I have never seen the tv shows or film adaptations but i’ve heard they are very different from the books.

It was a chilly Saturday afternoon and Remus and I were sitting together in an armchair by the window. He was reading a book but I simply stared absent-mindedly. At Remus, at the street outside, at the dust in our apartment catching the light. But mostly at Remus. Suddenly, I caught sight of a flurry of movement outside. A woman bundled up in scarves was running down the street looking flustered.

“Remus,” said I, as I watched the woman scan the numbers on the building and near our apartment, “if I am not very much mistaken, the very thing you have been craving for the past week is approaching right now.”

“A client, you say?” said Remus, laying down the paper. “About time!” His eyes lit up with excitement and I scrambled out of his lap just as a knock sounded on the door.

“Mr Lupin?” said Mrs Hudson, the landlady. “I have a Miss Anne Robinson here to see you.”

“Yes, yes let her in,” replied Remus impatiently. Within a few seconds, Mrs Hudson had returned, leading a friendly-looking, middle-aged woman into the living room. Miss Robinson had a cheerful face with wrinkles next to her eyes that come from smiling and yet she looked sullen and tired, as do many of the people who visit our rooms at 221B Baker Street to seek professional help from Remus.

“Pray take a seat, Miss Robinson and tell me your story,” said Remus eagerly. “I have had no other cases to occupy me for the past week and would be glad for a problem of any kind. You are a cook, I presume?” The woman looked startled.

“Why, yes, Mr Lupin,” she said. “I work as a cook for the Wright family. But how could you have known that?”

“It is of no importance, I assure you. I simply noticed the soup stain on your dress,” said Remus. I could hear the slight note of impatience in his voice. However, I doubt anyone but I could have noticed it.

“How very clever of you,” said Miss Robinson, smiling at him. Remus brushed the compliment aside with a gesture of his hand.

“Now what is the case that you have brought for me today?” he asked.

“Well, Mr Lupin,” began the woman, “just three days ago, tragedy struck the Wright family. I spoke to Dr Wright and he agreed that it would be best to bring the case to you. I should probably begin by explaining to you the history of the household. Mr and Mrs Wright were very fitting for one another; they loved each other very much. When they decided to have children, Dr Wright hoped against hope that the child would be a boy. He desperately wanted someone to carry on the family name and honour. Poor Mrs Wright died in childbirth and Dr Wright heavily mourned her loss. To add to the trouble, little Mary Wright was not the boy her father had hoped for. Regardless, he learned to love his daughter and cared for her always; I would even venture to say he spoiled her a bit too much, although she turned out to be a lovely, modest young lady. And the spitting image of her dear mother she was too! Never saw a girl resemble her mother more than Mary resembled Mrs Wright.”

Miss Robinson smiled serenely at the thought of the mother and daughter together but then, her mouth turned down at the corners and her eyes became watery. She blinked several times and shivered slightly before continuing with her narrative.

“Anyway,” she continued, her voice shaky and unstable, “this is where I come to the crime. Just three days ago, at 9:30 on Wednesday night, Mary and her fiance, Charles, were found dead in Mary’s bedroom. He was stabbed right in the heart and she was shot in the head. The police have their suspect and I must say that the evidence against him is quite startling, that is to say, it seems like a finished case. But I thought I had better come to you sir, for I have the strangest feeling that the police have got it all wrong and I always trust my instincts, Mr Lupin.”

“Who is this suspect and what evidence do the police have against him?” asked Remus.

“His name is Joseph Williams, sir. He is a servant of the Wrights. He was found bending over the body of Charles after a gunshot was heard. When the other servants arrived, myself included, and called out his name, a triumphant smile rested on his face, his eyes ablaze, alive.” Miss Robinson shuddered. “The mere thought of his face chills me to my very core. I don’t know why I believe him to be innocent, sir, he seems perfectly capable of committing so horrible a crime. He has confessed to the police to have loved Mary ever since he first laid eyes on her. This would, of course, explain why he would have killed her fiance. The police think that he killed Mary because he was angry with her for not requiting his love but he denies all claims. He says he would never have touched a hair on her head. And as for Charles, he says he would have very much liked to kill him but that he did not do anything of the kind.”

“Were the weapons for the crime found?” asked Remus.

“The gun was in plain sight, thrown on the floor right beside the two. But the knife has not been located.”

“And I suppose the crime scene has not been preserved if the crime happened three days ago?”

“No sir. They moved the bodies on Friday morning.”

“Very well,” said Remus, straightening up. “Then I shall like to interview the other servants and Dr Wright if possible.”

“I shall speak to him, Mr Lupin. Perhaps you could come around to the house tomorrow morning?”

“Yes, I think I shall,” replied Remus. “Alright then, I just have one question before you leave, Miss Robinson. What hotel was Dr Wright staying at that night and why was he out of town?”

“How the deuce did you know he was out of town?” asked Miss Robinson, her brows raised and her eyes wide.

“It was quite simple, really. You never mentioned anything about how he ran into the room and cried out at the sight of the couple’s dead body or anything about how he slept so heavily that he didn’t hear the shot. I have heard many recounts of murder and this detail is included every time without fail. And yet you left it out of your narrative. Therefore, he must have been out of town at the time.”

“Oh,” Miss Robinson chuckled, “you gave a fright there for a moment Mr Lupin. Dr Wright was staying at L'Hôtel D'Affaires as he had an early conference meeting the next day.”

“Very well,” said Remus, “We shall see you tomorrow morning, Miss Robinson. Good day.” And with that, she bustled off back into the now significantly more crowded street.

The following day Remus and I ventured out to the Wright house to investigate. Remus questioned the two other servants but the interviews were brief and nothing new was discovered.

“Now we shall question Dr Wright and then I might head to the station to hear Mr Williams’ account,” said Remus.

One might think that it ails me to watch Remus question so many people and not understand what he understands. However, I must admit that it is one of my greatest pleasures to watch Remus work through a case. He is the master of deduction but there are a few telling signs that allow for me to draw my own conclusions. I know that he is excited despite his efforts to conceal it. Perhaps he fools the rest of the world but not me. I have the expressions of his face memorised. The furrow of his brows when he collects his evidence, the twinkle in his eyes when the pieces fall into place in his brilliant mind, the bite of his lip when he’s concentrating (sometimes I wish I were the one biting his lip in his place), the curl of his lip when, once again, he manages to outwit everybody else in the room. I believe Remus is the only man I have ever met who can be both modest and proud at once. And I love him for it.

“I was devastated when I got the news Mr Lupin,” said Dr Wright, once we were all sat down in the living room. “Naturally, of course. My beloved wife has passed and now my daughter and son-in-law too. This was the order of events as I had it. I left that evening at 6:15 and checked into L'Hôtel D'Affaires at 7:30. I had an important conference meeting early the next morning, you see, and I abhor rising early. The next day, I was summoned by the police and told that Williams had been arrested for the murder of Mary and Charles. I never knew Williams had feelings for my daughter but I think that his actions were certainly a poor expression of love.” Dr Wright’s face tensed with anger and despair. He looked truly broken and empty, as though he were lost and unsure about what he could do now that everything he had loved so dearly was gone.

“With your permission, sir, I will ask you a few questions now,” said Remus. “Were the couple happy together?”

“Oh yes. My Mary loved Charles truly; I believe she would have done anything for him.”

“And how did you feel about the match?”

“I too was satisfied. I thought that the boy was a wonderful young man and that he would take good care of my girl. I looked forward to their marriage.”

“What was the boy’s family like?”

“Oh, they lived quite comfortably and were very kind people. I thought Mary would be happy to be welcomed to such a family.”

“Well sir, I am truly sorry for your loss; I think we shall quit your company for I think I know everything that can be of use to me.”

---------

“Now to the police station then?” I asked once Remus and I left the house.

“No,” said Remus, still deep in thought, “no, I think our time would be better spent at the town gossip house.”

“Two beers, please,” said Remus as we walked into the nearest pub and placed three two-pence coins on the bar. When the bartender handed us our drinks, Remus turned to me and said, “Did you hear about what happened up at the Wright house?” I was familiar with Remus’ tactics by now and knew that he was, in fact, not speaking to me at all but merely hoping to be overheard by one of the locals at the bar.

“Know ‘bout that now do you?” the bartender interrupted before I would have had a chance to reply. He turned to face us once more.

“Yes, I read about it in the paper,” said Remus casually. I have said it before but he is an incredible actor. He fools them all. All but me. I grow warm at the thought and a smile begins to spread across my face but I suppress it. Smiling now would seem odd at the very least, suspicious as most. “They arrested the man, didn’t they? The servant they suspected?”

“Sure did,” replied the bartender. “And I reckon ‘e’s the one ‘oo dun it, too. D’you think ‘e’s the one ‘oo caused all them yellin’s up in the Haunted Shack?”

“Excuse me?” said Remus in evident surprise.

“You ain’t from around ‘ere, mister, are you?”

“No, I can’t say that I am.”

“Well, there’s a shack up there next to the Wright ‘ouse, a right nasty shack I’ll give you that. Now them Wrights is livin’ in a nice house, ain’t nothin’ too grand but it’s more than modest. Right by the Wright ‘ouse there’s an ol’ shack, abandoned I reckon. Dr Wright had fenced it off but ‘e never ‘ad it torn down. Now sometimes, in the dead of night, we villagers would ‘ear someone sobbin’ up in that place. Once we even ‘eard a scream. Ghosts, that’s what everyone’ll tell you, that the place is haunted. Rumor ‘as it that the reason that Dr Wright never tore down the bloody thing is because ‘e fears them ghosts. But I think different. I say whoever been makin’ those noises up in there, that’s your man, that’s the murderer. It ain’t makin’ much sense but it’s the bloody truth I’d be prepared to swear to it.”

Suddenly, Remus drained his drink in a gulp and said, “That’s an interesting idea, but we really must get going, Sirius, if we’re going to make the next train.”

Next, we visited L'Hôtel D'Affaires where Remus made some small inquiries while I admired the hotel’s lounge and thought over our discussion with the bartender. Why on earth would Williams, the servant, sob and scream in an old, mangled shack? I had no answer but I was sure that Remus did.

Finally, we returned to Baker Street for a spot of supper and bed. We ate without exchanging a word until Remus suddenly broke the silence.

“This case is wrong, all wrong!” he exclaimed in frustration. “But I haven’t enough evidence just yet to get the man convicted. But I shall find it, I shall.” And with that, he marched up to bed. I waited to follow him up. On nights like this, I give Remus space to mull over his thoughts about the case alone before going to bed. He has never asked me to but I know he wants the time to think.

“Hello,” said I, upon entering the room later that night. Remus seemed to have been lost in thought; upon my entrance, his head turned sharply towards me. “Would you like me to leave?” I asked hesitantly.

“No, of course not, darling,” he said, his expression softening, revealing the man I know behind the great detective. “As a matter of fact, perhaps I should let my mind become distracted by other matters and return to the case in the morning. I sometimes find it easier to approach the facts at a different angle when doing that.”

“I could think of a few ways to keep your mind distracted,” I said, grinning at him.

“Can you now?” he smirked.

---------

The next day, Remus decided to go back up to the Wright house and search Mary Wright’s room, the place where the crime was committed, for evidence of his new theory. He came back with a triumphant look on his face that indicated success. That night, after a small supper, Remus asked if I wished to accompany him.

“Where would we be going?” I asked curiously.

“To bring this case to justice,” he replied simply. “Bring your revolver,” he added; even though I had not yet consented to join him, he knew I could not refuse an offer such as the one before me. Not only because of my all-consuming love for him, but because of my curiosity as well.

When we arrived at the Wright house – which was, apparently, our destination – the door was opened by Dr Wright himself.

“Mr Lupin,” he said in surprise. Without waiting for a reply, Remus stepped over the threshold and into the house; I was on his heel as always.

“I must insist that you leave,” said Dr Wright in rage. “What is this hour at which you call upon me? Surely what you want can wait until tomorrow?”

“As a matter of fact, it cannot,” said Remus. His amber eyes bore straight into the brown ones of Dr Wright as though seeing right through him. “I don’t often carry out the commands of murderers.”

“I—what—h–how dare you—?” spluttered the doctor but he had turned significantly paler.

“Would you like to tell the story or shall I tell it for you?” said Remus.

“You know everything?” asked Dr Wright, sinking into a chair.

“I do.”

“Then I may as well come out and say that I had no intention for it to go this far. I suppose it began with my wife. I loved her dearly and I wanted a son terribly. When Mary was born and my wife passed away, I was in agony. I felt as though I had lost everything that I held dear. Mary was the spitting image of my late wife; she was a constant reminder of my lost love which was both excruciatingly painful and necessary for my survival. I hadn’t the heart to kill the girl but the pain drove me to near insanity sometimes and in those moments I would drag Mary into the shack on the outskirts of this property and whip her with my riding crop. I treated her terribly though nobody knew, not even the servants.”

My hands began to shake at that. Memories of my own childhood filled my head. The whipping, the beating, the screaming. I clenched my hands into fists to mask the shaking but Remus noticed. He noticed everything. His hand twitched towards mine but I met his eyes and shook my head ever so slightly. Not now. And certainly not here. Only one arrest would be made tonight and it wouldn’t be either of us.

I forced myself back into the present, feeling a surge of anger towards the man sitting before me but I did nothing more than continue to glare at him. All these years working alongside Remus had taught me to control my temper if only a little. This man would get what he deserved. Hitting him now wouldn’t solve anything. It would make me feel a whole lot better, though. The thought crossed my mind but Remus met my eye again. He knew what I was thinking. His eyes flashed, reminding me that acting now would be unwise and reckless.

Dr Wright must have noticed the disgust and fury with which Remus and I were glaring at him, for he added defensively, “I’m not proud of it; these were certainly my lowest moments save when I… well I’ll get to that later. Anyhow, the villagers heard Mary’s sobs and started the rumour that there were ghosts living in the old shack. I encouraged the rumours, or at least I didn’t discourage them.

“Then, all of a sudden, my little Mary was announcing that she was engaged, that she was to be taken away from me; my last living link to my wife. You must understand my position gentlemen.” Dr Wright’s eyes were wide; he looked like he was pleading with Remus and me to put ourselves in his position. “On Wednesday night, I left the house at 6:30 that evening, telling everyone that I was staying the night at a hotel as I had an early conference meeting the next morning. I wasn’t lying but I wasn’t telling the full truth either. I intended to go to Charles’ house and confront him, to tell him to call off the marriage and threaten him with everything within my power. I went to Mary’s room to bid her farewell and left for Charles’. I knocked on the door but there was no reply. The door was left unlocked so I entered. I called for the man but without success. Then I saw a letter lying on the table.

“‘Dearest Charles,’ it read, ‘Father is leaving town tonight for a conference. Perhaps you would like to stay at our house for the night? All my love, Mary.’ I was infuriated. I rushed back to the house but rather than entering through the door, I climbed into Mary’s room through the window and found Charles sitting at her desk, a mischievous smile dancing on his smug face. Anger surged through me and, without thinking, I grabbed the knife I had brought with me, for caution’s sake, and stabbed him in the heart. He gave a strangled sort of scream; it was not loud enough to wake the servants but it was loud enough to cause Mary considerable alarm.

‘Charles?’ she called from the hall. ‘Is everything alright?’ And that was when my world fell apart. Mary entered the room and I stood up so violently that I pulled the knife right out. So many emotions flooded me at once and it was too much for me to handle. I pulled out my gun and shot her. I stood frozen for what felt like eternities, watching my only child fall dead to the floor from a bullet I had shot. The servant’s yelps of concern from downstairs caused me to snap out of my reverie. When I realized what I had done, I dropped the gun, pocketed the knife and scrambled back out the window. I left for L'Hôtel D'Affaires and spent the night there. The rest of the story, you already know gentlemen.” Remus’ look of disgust had not yet faded off his face. My hands had not yet stopped shaking.

“I have alerted the authorities,” said Remus, “and they are waiting for us outside. You will accompany them back to the station and await your trial in jail. If you do not come peacefully, I will use force.” Dr Wright said nothing else but followed Remus and me outside where he was arrested by the county police.

---------

“I believe I owe you an explanation, Sirius,” says Remus once we were seated once more in the comfort of our armchairs in 221B Baker Street. “And an apology. I shouldn’t have suggested that you accompany me on this specific case. Not when the details of it could… resurface unwanted memories.” I shake my head.

“It’s quite alright,” I say.

“No, it’s not,” says Remus, taking my hand in his own. “I forced you to relive your worst memories without so much as a warning, all for my peace of mind. All because I wanted you by my side. It was horribly selfish of me.”

“I would have insisted on accompanying you anyway,” I say. “I want to be by your side, my love. Now, pray tell me about your thought process. How did you solve the case?” This, perhaps, is what I enjoy most about working on cases with Remus. The moment when the case has been solved, the victims avenged, the villains confronted and punished appropriately, and only Remus and I remain, in the living room of our flat, our limbs tangled together as I watch the excitement and passion that radiates from Remus as he explains to me how his extraordinary mind saw what only he could.

“Firstly,” he begins, and already I can hear the shift in his voice. He loves his work. And he shares it with me. It is one of the things I love most about him. (I do say that quite a lot. Perhaps it is simply because I love everything about him.) “I will admit that I entered the case thinking that Williams was very likely the culprit. I consented to conduct the investigation in the case that my client’s instincts proved to be correct but I was almost entirely convinced that the investigation would be worthless. My suspicion first fell upon Dr Wright when I was interrogating him. I asked him what he thought of the match between his daughter and Charles; he said he was looking forward to their marriage. I found this most abnormal as nearly all fathers feel some sadness when their daughters leave their houses for that of another man especially when their wives have passed on. Why should this man be glad to lose his daughter? My immediate response was that he wasn’t, he was merely pretending to avoid suspicion. This, however, was hardly evidence, it was nothing more than a gut feeling.

“So we went to the town pub and learnt about the shack. I followed this by visiting L'Hôtel D'Affaires and inquiring as to the hour at which Dr Wright checked in. As you may recall, he told us that he had checked in at 7:30, an hour after his departure. But at L'Hôtel D'Affaires I was informed that Dr Wright only checked in at 10:30 on Wednesday night. By this point, my theory was formed and I was certain of its accuracy but I still needed proof. Therefore, the following morning I went to the scene of the crime and, after some rummaging about, found Mary Wright’s diary which included Charles’ reply to her letter that invited him over on that fateful night. The diary told me everything I needed to know. Then you and I went to confront Dr Wright, he was rightfully arrested and here we are now.” Remus concludes his explanation with a grim smile.

“Wonderful!” I say, applauding him for his achievement. Remus shrugs but I can see that he is attempting to hide a smile. If I could only shower him with compliments for the rest of my days to see his beautiful smile, I would do so. “You know, detective, one might find it very attractive when you make all these deductions,” I add.

“Oh?” he says, eyebrows raised. “And would this ‘one’ be you, by any chance?”

“Is that another deduction?” I tease.

“That wasn’t something I needed to deduce, love, it’s written all over your gorgeous face,” he says. Then I kiss him slowly, bringing my hand into his hair when I feel his on my waist.

“I do love you, you know,” he says, his lips still lingering on mine, refusing to pull away. “I don’t say it as often as I should but I do. The world can continue to hate it but I will never cease to love you, Sirius.”

“I know,” I reply, allowing my hand to fall and gently brush his cheek. “I love you too.” Remus blushes and I can see the man I fell in love with. Where the rest of the world sees only his brilliant mind and his icy exterior, I see beyond. I see the goodness in his heart, the emotion in his voice, the passion in his eyes, softness of his lips. I see it all and more. He shows it to me and only to me. He lets me have him. And I give him all there is of me in return. It is of this that I think when I lean in to kiss Remus again. And it is of this that I think when he kisses me back.

[beelspillowpet]

If your requests are open and your willing to, would you be able to do the brothers reacting to a trans MC? 👉🏻👈🏻 preferably female to male, but either way is fine! Sorry if your not comfy with this type of request >~<

Anon, just because you were afraid that I would turn down your request, I am going to PROVE to you how much it doesn’t bother me I'm going to do the 7 brothers AND the side characters. Because you BETTER BELEIVE we have a cast of supportive people!! Yessir!!!

I myself am the twin sister of my late twin brother, who was also FtM! I’ll be using his memory as inspiration, if you do not mind? Thank you for requesting this!

~

Lucifer

At first he presumed you were just not girly. He didn't really mind your behavior or way of dressing, so long as you got your tasks done on time and were on your best behavior.

When you cut your hair and stopped wearing that nail polish (despite Asmo’s pleading) he still thought nothing of it. You wore pants, and started trying your best to drop hints, and thankfully, Lucifer isn’t an idiot.

So what you’re telling me is that we’ve made you uncomfortable when referring to you as a woman? If that is the case, MC, then we would be more than happy to refer to you as anything you request. You only need to say the word.

He is dedicated to making sure you’re happy and comfortable here. He and his brothers may be demons, but they aren’t heartless. They were once angels too. He goes through the process with you, if you were shaky or unsure of what to do in the past. If you want HRT, surgery, need a new wardrobe, he and his brothers will be the first to provide. Whatever to keep you happy in your skin.

Mammon

Oh. Honestly speaking, he’ll still love you regardless of what form your body takes. He liked the way you looked, but secretly he can’t wait to see how you’ll look after you transition.

Before we even get to that point though, it takes a lot of hint dropping for him to get it. And even then, he has to go and ask the others what you’re trying to tell him. Of course he gets picked on a little bit for it, but once he figures it out he’s really happy you were comfortable enough to tell him.

Hell, he might get a job just so he can help you be able to afford all the things you’ll need to properly transition. Some of the details make him blush quite a bit, and if you’re uncomfortable with touches or any signs of affection during your process of transitioning, he will politely refrain from making his human uncomfortable.

He’s taking you to Majolish and you are going to get your ENTIRE wardrobe redone. Courtesy of The GREAT Mammon! You should feel grateful that he’s working this hard to make you happy. I mean c’mon, he LOVES you! He can’t wait to love you more after you’ve become the man you always were deep down inside.

Leviathan

He does notice that you act different from other women. Not that he minds it, not at all. His Henry is still the same old Henry. Just a little bit different. He’s a little bit different too, there’s nothing wrong with that. Right?!

It’s when you start preferring to be called Henry as opposed to your birth name, do the cogs start churning in his brain. He would have suspected at first that maybe you just were very good friends with him and loved TSL almost as much as him.

He’s seen a few heart-warming anime about it. Specifically one about a girl becoming a boy, and the struggles he went through while attending school. The title wasn’t too important to him, but now that he had a reference for what you were dealing with, he was a bit happy. He just wanted to wait until the moment was right to bring it up to you. Perhaps his Henry was really a Henry after all!

When the moment comes, he’s proud to say the least. He throws his arms around you happily, and promises to be there by your side every step of the way. He’s not exactly rolling in money, but an Otaku finds a way. The Lord of Shadows is your best friend ever, and he can’t wait to see the before and after pictures of your full transition!

Satan

It started with a book you read with him. He didn’t fully comprehend your situation, but he knew you didn’t act like normal girls. It reminded him of a character in a book he read a few weeks ago. The guy didn’t really act like a girl.

While sweet and thoughtful, this character didn’t hit the nail on the head in some ways. When talking over the book with you, you explained just as much to him. The energy was there, but it was backwards for you. He picked up on it immediately.

So what you’re telling me is, you understand this characters struggle with themselves, and can relate to it. But something about it is backwards? A little smile appears on his face as it fully dawns on him. MC, I think I’ll be able to assist you in any way you need.

With Satan’s wonderful connections across the entire Devildom, it wasn’t long before you were getting some of the best treatment possible. The prices seemed a bit scary, but he assured you everything was being taken care of behind the scenes. If you needed to worry about anything, it would be the tiring, long process to come with transitioning. He’ll be sure it goes relatively smoothly for you, though!

Asmodeus

Oh he gets it immediately. Darling why didn’t you just say so in the first place?

He’s dragging you back to your room, rambling the entire time about how he can’t wait to take you out and go shopping. He puts together a devious little page to gather up donations and the like to support your transitioning. His fans would be HONORED to pitch in, right?

In the mean time, he stops pampering you with makeup and his other routines that you used to tolerate for the sake of being cordial. He still pushes for the nail polish, since gender is simply a social concept and he’s ready to crush it into dust any chance he can get. But it’s not about him, it’s about you.

Soon your room is painted a new color, your dresses and skirts and frilly outfits are tossed out for more appropriate attire for your sex, and he’s taking photos for his Devilgram page to show everyone how beautiful you are, even while going through the long process!

Beelzebub

You and Beel got along fabulously. He seemed astonished that a female was interested in all these manly habits he indulged in. He heard from some of the guys on his team that you were interested in playing Fangol. As evidenced by how you always showed up to his practices and games, no matter if they were home or away.

He figured you were just a really big fan of sports. But then you even started working out with him, and giving him suggestions and tips on how to get even more out of his workouts at the gym. You were really passionate about this.

Let’s not kid ourselves, he probably does not pick up on any of the signs. You have tot ell him, and you have to tell him firmly. You are a man, just like him. When you do tell him, however, he’s eager to help you transition. Imagine having another guy in the house who loves Fangol as much as you do!?

He isn’t much aside from emotional support through the transitions, and he coddles you when you have those bad days. If you want to eat something, he’ll rush to the kitchen and cook you a full meal before you move an inch. You’re allowed to lay in bed today. Let him handle the heavy load of work for you.

Belphegor

Oh wow, look at that. He picked it up almost immediately.

I mean, there’s no way a girl would act the way you do, right? Dress the way you do. Be the way you are. He doesn’t care though, and just wants you to be happy. If that means you transition into a man, then hell, he’s on board with you.

He may be a lazy bastard, but he knows when it’s time to get up and work hard to get something. That was what he was like as an angel, anyways. Working at Hell’s Kitchen is the worst, and you hear him complain about as much, but he smiles and assures you that it’s all for a good reason.

His final gift to you to apologize about the Incident, is money. Now at first glance it seems like something Mammon would do. Probably. In reality though, this is the money that will be going towards your HRT. He doesn’t know if you want to fully transition or not, but if you want that top surgery, he can help pay for that too. He’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and healthy in your own body.

Diavolo

It really is a house of men, isn’t it?

He’s glad though, truly, that you were comfortable coming to him about it. Don’t bother ever opening your wallet to pay for any therapy, medication, or surgery. As the Prince of the Devildom, he would be more than happy to get you doctors of all sorts to help you. No questions asked!

It might be a bit overwhelming at first, but the news is exciting. If the Prince accepts you so readily, it gives you hope that other demons will as well. Pretty soon you’re going through your processes, and Diavolo couldn’t be happier to see it happening.

You really is a wonderful guy, and he’s glad he’s getting to experience the changes you take in your life. 

Barbatos

To say he didn’t suspect this would be an understatement.

Ever silent and respectful though, he never spoke a word of it. You are probably uncomfortable with people assuming it, even though it’s true. An insecurity that humans seem to deal with, although unfortunate.

However, when the news is broken during a meeting between you, Lucifer, he, and the Prince himself, a smile creeps on his face.

He’s happy to hear that you are so comfortable speaking about this sort of thing. He knows it must be tough, having hidden your true feelings for so long. He prepares a delicious tea with small treats, to celebrate your coming out, and transitioning.

Simeon (and Luke)

Oh dear. God loves you, still. Don’t worry about this. He doesn’t see you as an imperfection.

They assures you constantly that you have their full support, and that will never change. You are not broken, you are not unwanted, and you are not strange. You are a regular trans man in their eyes, and they will defend you on that.

Simeon almost takes on a fatherly role to you, wanting to make sure everything goes as smooth as possible. He probably has done a bit of research in preparations for your transition, and all the nasty little side effects that come with it are worrying him.

However, once it’s all over, Luke and Simeon are glad you came out on top. And my, what a handsome man you make!

Solomon

He figured, but didn’t want to assume. I mean, who the hell is he?

He’s got a few spells for this though, make it quick and painless. One wave of a wand and POOF! Woman no more!

Oh but that’s probably dangerous. The shifty bastard. You would much rather do it the regular way; and not have your insides and outsides shifted around by some crazy sorcerer.

He doesn’t protest much, but that does suck. Hehe. Oh well. You can count on him to support you through it all!

[yikestripes]

Under the Mistletoe

request: Hey, I've got a Spence request! It's Christmas at the FBI, and the team has done Secret Santa, and you got Spencer, your best friend who you have fancied since you started at the FBI 5 years ago. You all go to Rossi's to spend the evening and morning, so you can all drink & not drive home. After presents and a few drinks, you and Spence end up under the mistletoe where he declares his feelings in front of the whole team, who encouraged him to tell you how he feels, before you arrived to the party

a/n: i didn’t expect to write this much, it was 7 pages on google docs. i am pretty proud of this tho.

warnings: FLUFF

word count: 3.6k

You looked around at the lights and garland that had adorned the bullpen as you entered the BAU for the first time after arriving home from the case. You grinned from ear to ear like a child as you took in the sight. Spencer was right behind you, pausing to take in the sight beside you. He looked down at you, still in awe, and smiled. You looked so beautiful to him under all those shining lights, and you just looked happier than you had in recent weeks. Christmas was usually tough for you anyway, and this year was no exception. Nonetheless, you persevered. Rossi had been planning a BAU Christmas party for a little bit over a month, with the help of you and Garcia, to make it the most magical Christmas any of you had had in a pretty long time. Needless to say, getting home from the case was more exciting than it usually was.

You tugged your go bag back to your desk and plopped down in your chair, rubbing your eyes. It was around 7pm and you all were going to Rossi’s right from the office to start the festivities. Knowing you wouldn’t be driving home, you had a second go bag packed and ready in your car, along with Spencer’s since you guys had carpooled. When you started at the BAU around 5 years ago, you and Spencer instantly became best friends. Granted, it took him a long time to really break out of his shell of awkwardness, but even then he was very comfortable around you. It was something about you that really made him feel, for lack of a better word, special. Not in the way that he was typically treated for being a genius, but just for being Spencer. That’s what Spencer loved most about you- the way you admired him for just being him. Not because he was a child prodigy and not because he was a genius. He was just Spencer.

Not to mention you always let him ramble and spill facts without ever telling him to shut up, or even interrupting him. Nevertheless, you quickly became very close, especially when you learned your apartment was right down the street from his. That’s when you two started carpooling to the office together. You always stopped at the local coffee shop or Starbucks to feed your coffee addictions, and went home around the same time every night. Spencer always made sure you made it inside safe, and vice versa. The funny thing was, for as incredible as you both were at your jobs as profilers for the BAU, neither of you had the faintest idea that you were in love with each other. Everyone in the entire building knew except for you two. Even Hotch was rooting for you two to get together.

“Ready to go, Spence?” You asked, shooting him a huge grin. He grins back and nods, throwing his bag over his head like he always did. You followed him out the door and to your car and drove yourselves to Rossi’s mansion. The ride was relatively quiet, Spencer had whipped out the book he started on the plane because he absolutely had to know how it ended, and of course he could finish it before you made it to Rossi’s.

“Did you do the secret santa?” You asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. Did you?”

“Yep.” You smiled to yourself. You actually got Spencer, and you couldn’t have been more excited. Regardless of whether you had gotten him for secret santa, you were planning to get him a little something anyway. Actually, a few things. You wracked your brain for a few days, wondering what Dr. Spencer Reid would like that he didn’t already have. Of course, you started with a giftcard to his favorite bookstore, along with the newest edition of his favorite collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories. You also got him a giftcard to Starbucks, to make up for all the times he’d paid for your coffee, despite your protests. You made him your famous chocolate chip cookies and your favorite thing? The Halloween Christmas sweater you’d found and KNEW you had to get it for him. He never understood the point of an ugly Christmas sweater, so you figured you would get one that celebrates his favorite holiday with the edition of it celebrating Christmas. You could already see the look on his face when he opened his gifts later that night.

“Hey Spence, can you help me?” Spencer only brought a gift bag with the edition of his overnight bag, meanwhile you had a couple bags, along with two bottles of wine for Rossi and your own overnight bag. He grabbed your overnight bag and a bottle of wine and headed up to the door with you following behind, praying you didn’t slip on any ice.

You made it to the door unscathed, being greeted by Prentiss who was already a glass of wine deep.

“It’s party time!” She said upon opening the door. You and Spencer grinned and followed her inside, kicking the door shut behind you. Everyone was already there, starting on the spiked eggnog drinks without you guys.

“Hey, I told you guys to wait for us!” You whined as you set your presents underneath Rossi’s massive Christmas tree. The others looked away and took sips of their drinks, earning a small glare from you. You opted to start with a glass of white wine and escalate from there later. You took a long sip as you sat along the counter beside JJ. She held up her hands in mock defense.

“I told them they should wait but no one ever listens to me!” You giggled a little and patted JJ’s shoulder sympathetically.

“I hear you. They never listen to me either,” You said, shooting a look in Spencer’s direction in particular. As if he felt your eyes on his back, he turned around and looked at you. When he saw you were already looking at him, he raised his eyebrows in question. You shook your head and he shrugged, returning to his conversation with Morgan and Rossi. Penelope was doing peppermint vodka shots with Prentiss while Hotch watched, somewhat amused as Emily started choking on hers. You smiled as you watched your friends ease into the party so quickly after such a long case. It warmed your heart to see them relaxed.

“I don’t know, Rossi. What if it ruins our friendship?” Reid asked, his voice small. He only softened his voice like that when he was unsure of himself.

“Look, kid. I may be old, but I do have eyes. She loves you, Reid.” Rossi said.

“Trust me, Pretty Boy. Everyone here sees the way you look at each other.” Derek agreed, taking a sip of his beer.

Spencer chewed on his lip thoughtfully when he felt eyes on his back. He turned back to see you staring at him, where you began giggling with JJ. Spencer raised his eyebrows as if to ask, “Did you need me?” and you shook your head. He shrugged and turned back to Rossi, who was smirking. He shared a look with Derek and walked over to Hotch, who was now forcing Emily to drink more water.

“Like I said, trust me.” Derek said quietly as he left Spencer in the center of the kitchen to his thoughts. They were quickly interrupted as Rossi announced it was time for presents. Spencer grinned, this was what he was the most excited for. He had you for secret santa and he knew he really nailed his gift to you this year. He knew you better than anyone, and thanks to his eidetic memory, he knew everything that you had mentioned in passing were small things that you wanted. Including the necklace that you’d pointed out in the jewelry shop down the street from your apartments 8 months and 29 days ago, on your way to Starbucks. You gazed at it longingly every single time you passed by, but never could justify purchasing it for yourself.

“Alright kiddos, gather round.” Rossi said. Everyone made their way to the couches and sat as you helped to hand out presents.

“Morgan, these are yours. No one open anything until everyone has a gift!” You stared at Emily in particular, who grinned sheepishly. Hotch placed a hand on her leg and smiled at her, knowingly.

“JJ, this bag is yours. Hmm, Garcia this one is yours, Emily, Hotch,” You handed them out one by one. “Ah, here’s yours Spence.” You hauled a couple bags over, and his eyes widened at the sheer amount of stuff adorning both bags.

“Here’s yours, Rossi, and I just found mine!” You sat on the floor and crossed your legs out in front of you.

“Alright, how are we doing this?” Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do we all just open at the same time orrr…”

“No, someone can go first and each person who has the person opening goes next, makes sense?” Everyone nodded. “Rossi, you can go first since you oh so graciously hosted. And are letting us stay the night.” You added. Everyone laughed as David shook his head, quickly tearing into the bright wrapping paper. His jaw dropped slightly as he pulled out a box of cigars.

“I told you before, my dad was a cigar aficionado. I know what you like, Rossi.” Derek winked. Rossi rose and said a few words of excitement in Italian before kissing Derek on both cheeks and pulling him into a hug. He laughed and clapped Rossi on the back before returning to his seat, and digging into the gift bag in front of him.

“Alright, I see you secret santa!” Derek pulled out a Chicago Cubs baseball jersey, along with a few other baseball related things.

“I had to delve a bit more into the sports world than I’m used to, but i’m really glad you like it.” Emily smiled. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Okay Em, you can go.” You wiggled your eyebrows as she fake glared, ripping her wrapping paper to shreds.

“Oh my God! I love it!” Prentiss held up a couple different books by her favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut. JJ grinned.

“Look deeper.” Prentiss dug deeper into the bag and pulled out a beautiful set of hand painted wine glasses.

“JJ, these are beautiful!” Prentiss gave her a hug and started taking them out of the box and passing them around to those that were drinking wine, or planned on it later. She disappeared into the kitchen to clean the glasses and fetch the wine.

“Alright JJ, it’s your turn!” You were especially eager for this one, knowing that Spencer would be coming up soon and you could finally see the look on his face. You’d had the gifts in your possession for 2 weeks and his turn could not come fast enough.

Finally, it was Spencer’s turn. You watched as he tore into the neatly wrapped gift box first. You knew he’d open that one first because it was the biggest box. He pulled the sweater out, seemingly confused at first, before it dawned on him.

“Oh my God, it’s a Halloween Christmas sweater! I love it!” He grinned and took off his blazer, revealing the tshirt beneath. He threw the sweater overtop and pulled the sleeves to his elbows, grinning with the joy of a little kid. He was so excited that he almost forgot about the other presents on the floor beside him. He finally made eye contact with you and you indicated he had other things to open. He sat back down, a slight blush crossing his cheeks as he opened the book and gift cards.

“I love everything, thank you so so much, (Y/N).” He said, the look on his face screaming genuine happiness and excitement.

“Actually, there’s one more thing.” He furrowed his eyebrows as you snuck around behind the tray, retrieving the tin of cookies you’d hidden back there, fully knowing the vulchers you called friends would find them if you put them anywhere else. Spencer’s jaw dropped.

“Are those your famous chocolate chip cookies?!” He asked, incredulous. He knew they were incredibly special to you, which is why it was so rare for you to make them. You grinned and nodded. He jumped up, threw the tin on the sofa, and pulled you into a hug. He picked you up a little, causing you to giggle uncontrollably.

“Thank you endlessly, (Y/N).” He said quietly, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek. A deep blush rose to your cheeks. As you both pulled away, you noticed Spencer was blushing like crazy too.

“I guess that leaves me!” You said, noticing everyone else had opened their presents. You grinned as you dug into yours, pulling out a Starbucks gift card, a new Starbucks tumbler to replace the one you broke a few weeks back, the anniversary copy of your favorite book, (Y/F/B), and finally, a small, blue velvet box was crammed at the very bottom of the back. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and opened it with a gasp. You snapped your head up to meet Spencer, who was grinning at you sheepishly, his cheeks tinted bright pink.

“I-I knew you’ve been l-looking at that necklace for months, so….” He trailed off, breaking eye contact to stare at the floor. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “If you don’t like it I can take it back,” You stared at him in awe as tears threatened.

“Spence,” You said breathlessly, touching the necklace with a careful finger. “I love it, thank you so much.” Everyone in the room shared a look, fully knowing what was coming. You and Spencer were so busy with each other, that you didn’t notice when Rossi silently ushered the others out of the room and into the hallway to watch.

“Would you mind putting it on for me?” You asked quietly, handing Spencer the small box with a shaky hand.

“S-sure.” Spencer silently cursed his shaking hands as he fiddled with the clasp for a minute, before it clicked into place.

“Thanks.” You glanced up at the tall, lanky Doctor, when something a few feet above his head caught your eye. You gestured up at it, catching his attention.

“Mistletoe.” You said quietly. You got up on your tiptoes and placed a warm, soft kiss on his cheek, earning a blush from Spencer. A weird look came across his face when he suddenly grabbed your face, and crashed his lips into yours. You immediately melted into both Spencer and the kiss, forgetting where you were for just a moment as it was just you and him, alone together.

You pulled apart for air breathlessly, as you looked into the face of what used to be your best friend. That barrier had absolutely been shattered, but when Spencer broke out into a small, shy smile, you knew that it was meant to be that way.

“I…. I’ve been in love with you for the last 4 and a half years. It didn’t take me long at all to realize that you were the most beautiful girl in the world, but when I realized how smart, funny, and caring you were? I knew it was over for me. I didn’t say anything for the last few years because I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” You whispered, placing a hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch, and smiled a little more.

“Losing you.”

“You’ll never lose me. Not ever.” You shook your head defiantly, and placed another kiss on his lips. This one was much quicker, but filled with all the love and words that hadn’t been spoken until just now, and any words you could ever hope to say. Your friends cheered from beside you as you buried your head in Spencer’s chest, embarrassed. There were rounds and rounds of congratulations, told you so’s, and even a few bets had apparently been placed. You glared as they exchanged money and sheepish grins. You shook your head as you followed your friends into Rossi’s kitchen to continue getting your drink on.

**

It had been a few hours since Spencer’s confession, and to celebrate, you had accidentally had a few drinks too many. You started playing a drinking game with Derek and Prentiss that you had ceremoniously named “Beerio Cart”, and played several rounds since you were the champion. You grinned proudly, Spencer placing a plastic crown you all had found the last time you were at Rossi’s on top of your head, much to Derek’s ego’s chagrin. Following that, you had a few shots with Hotch and Garcia, followed up by the peppermint schnapps Penelope had prepared. Needless to say, the entire team was pretty hammered. IN the last few hours of the evening, Spencer had opted to drink more water and sober himself up slightly in order to save himself the pain the following day.

Rossi was on the same page as Spencer, not to mention the older Italian man’s tolerance was that of a bull. He could probably drink an entire bottle of wine and still be under the legal limit. He had retired to bed around 12:30am, fully aware that he was going to have to cook breakfast for his hungover “children” the following morning. You, Spencer, Prentiss, and Derek were the last ones awake, and now Derek had decided to retire to bed.

“Goodnight, and Merry Christmas.” Derek slurred, tripping up the stairs a little bit. It was the last round of Beerio Cart with Prentiss and Hotch that had done Derek in. Hotch had gone to bed shortly after that, Emily promising him that she would be up shortly after. That was 2 hours ago, and Emily was still downstairs with you and Spencer. She looked around, seeing that everyone except you two had gone to bed, and you were quickly crashing. She shrugged and stumbled up the stairs, managing to make it to her room with Hotch relatively easily. At least it was the first one at the top of the stairs.

Spencer turned his attention to you, and smiled warmly. You were starting to fall asleep standing up. He’d seen you do this a few times before, and usually was able to coax you into either laying your head on his lap if you were on the jet or on his shoulder if you were going to be in the SUVs.

“(Y/N), are you ready to go to bed?” You opened your eyes slowly and blinked, processing his question slowly. You nodded and rubbed your eyes, smearing your makeup all over the place. Spencer smiled a little and guided you to your room, sitting you on the bed.

“Close your eyes, love.” You complied quietly as Spencer gently wiped your makeup off. He tucked you into your bed and placed a kiss on your forehead, turning to leave. He felt you grab his wrist and turned around, caught totally off guard. You were sitting up, wearing your best puppy dog eyes face.

“Stay with me?” You said in such a soft voice, that made Spencer’s heart melt. He glanced at the door, then back at you, where you were still pleading with your eyes. He gave in, took off his shoes, and climbed in beside you. He wrapped an arm around you and you laid on his chest, quickly falling asleep to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat.

***

You began stirring when the smell of pancakes wafted up the stairs and into your room. You scrunched your face at the harshness of the light peaking through the windows, and felt the onset headache.

“Fuck.” You whispered, rubbing your temples.

“Good morning.” Spencer said quietly beside you, sitting up to lean on his elbow. He donned his glasses and his scruff was already growing slightly.

“Good morning, Spence.” You said, your voice still raspy. You looked at the bedside table in search of your phone and saw two ibuprofen tablets and some water. You gulped them down gratefully and immediately felt relief.

You and Spencer made your way downstairs, greeting by the sight of your hungover friends, and Rossi, who was flipping pancakes and bacon at the stove.

“Oh look who decided to join us! The reigning Beerio Cart champion.” He smirked. You saw the crown sitting on the kitchen table and you grabbed it, placing it on top of your head.

“I stand by that wholeheartedly.” You said, folding your arms over your chest. Rossi shrugged.

“If you say so, kid.” You took a seat beside Hotch, who was rubbing circles into Emily’s back on the other side of him. She looked about as bad as you felt, and you instantly hoped you didn’t look like that, especially not in front of Spencer. As if he could hear your thoughts, he smiled at you, and you smiled back. You glanced down at his lips and flicked your eyes back up to meet his, when he closed the gap and pecked you on the lips. You grinned and a blush rose to your cheeks, as you munched on the pancakes Rossi set before you.

“Please tell me you two aren’t always going to be that sickeningly adorable.” Garcia said, wearing her sunglasses inside. You laughed a little, feeling a pain shoot through your brain. You groaned slightly, busying yourself with your pancakes. Spencer made you a bloody mary, spouted out facts about the origin of the drink, the useful properties of it, and anything else he’d known about it. You listened as you sipped, starting to feel just a little bit better. Whether that was with the help of the bloody mary or Spencer, you already knew the answer.

It was Spencer.

[joshuas]

pick-up lines 101

♫ pairing: Lee Felix x Reader

♫ genre: college/university student!au, slice-of-life, crack (the entire concept), fluff

♫ word count: 10.4k 

♫ warnings: Nil of note!

♫ summary: A continuation on from the Chan drabble - an utterly ridiculous fic, where Felix and the reader (who unenthusiastically) go to literal extremes to break the two up, whilst falling for each other along the way.

♫ a/n: The second addition to my Christmas oneshots! Enjoy this high-key chaotic fic! I’m sorry that it’s 10k - I think I got a little carried away (╥﹏╥).  This drabble is entirely fictional, please do not take any of Felix’s actions to heart (because he’s a sweetheart and we all know it). 

♫ fyi: Reader 1 (Chan’s lover) is often referred to as “Mariah Carey/playlist lover” just to be gender neutral!

♫ skz christmas oneshots: 1|2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

“Let me get this straight... you want me to help break up Chan and... what’s their name- Mariah Carey lover, just so that Chan can give you pick-up lines again? Even though you’re the reason they started dating?” You leaned back against your chair, raising your eyebrows at the boy in front of you. “Well. Yes. And... Mariah Carey lover? You seriously don’t remember their name?” Your friend, Felix, raised his eyebrows. “All I care is that the person is now identifiable to me. Names are so arbitrary.” You dismissed nonchalantly. “Okay... but will you help me?” Felix turned to you with puppy dog eyes. “You know puppy dog eyes don’t work on me but whatever. I’ll help.” You got up, placing your books in your bag as Felix swiftly helped you clean up. “Oh, Y/N. You have no idea how much this means to me.” He draped his arm around your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze before releasing as the two of you exited the library. “Oh, I think I do...” You muttered as Felix excitedly explained his long-winded and elaborate plan to ‘save Chanlix’.

“C‘mon Chan hyung. It’ll be fun!” “I don’t know, Felix... wouldn’t Y/N be third-wheeling?” You observed the situation in front of you, casually eating your fairy floss as Felix looked to you for help in his mission to convince Chan to do a ‘how well do you know your partner?’ challenge at the local Christmas fair. “I don’t think Y/N really cares. Come on, hyung. If you’re not doing it for me, do it for the prize!” Felix pleaded with Chan. “The prize being... a book of ‘pick-up lines to keep your relationship fresh and interesting!’?” Chan raised his eyebrows at you. 

You shrugged your shoulders, “He’s been your friend longer than mine.” “See! Y/N’s so unbothered. Please, hyung. I’ll do anything.” Felix pleaded. “...Alright. Let’s line up.” Chan reluctantly followed an excited Felix, as you trudged slowly after them.

The line was ridiculously long. Taking you half an hour to get to the front of the line, you were just about done with Felix’s antics. As Felix handed in the answers to the two questionnaires, Chan’s phone buzzed. Quickly typing a reply, his face lightened up as he waved someone over.

“Hey, Felix, I hope you don’t mind but I think I’ll partner with umm... my beloved on this one. And hey, Y/N’s here, so you can get that awesome prize with them!” Chan patted Felix on the back, his partner *cough cough* beloved approached him, pushing him lightly for being so “cringy”. Felix nodded, slightly devastated, forcing a smile as Chan and his partner walked past him, taking a seat with the other contestants. Mulling over his thoughts, Felix paced the floor as you watched more and more couples sign up for the contest. His features lightened, and as if struck by an amazing idea, he pulled you towards the sign up desk, “Do we really have to do this?” You groaned as Felix signed you up, determined. “Even though this wasn’t supposed to happen, I have just been presented with the perfect way to show Chan that I’m better than his significant other.” You looked at him confusedly, “How... are you going to do that, exactly?” “By winning.” He said, tone as if he were stating the obvious, “So, get your game face on, Y/N. We’re going to wipe the floor with them.” “Totally...”

The game was heated. You were utterly confused as to why people were so fiercely competitive to get a book of pick up lines. Don’t these people have anything better to do? “And now we have Bang Chan! Would you please come to the stage with your partner?” The MC’s voice rang out clearly across the stage, snapping you out of your reverie. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Felix lean forward, anxiously tapping his foot. “So, like all the other contestants have done, I’ll ask a couple of questions and we’ll see if your partner’s answers match with yours on the questionnaire. However, you can only win if both of you are able to answer as many questions about each other correctly.” The MC explained for the billionth time as Chan flashed an encouraging smile towards his partner. “Hey, Felix? Haven’t they been friends since childhood? How do you even expect us to have a chance?” You asked, doubtful. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I have a plan.” Felix reassured you, his eyes glued on the couple on stage. Oh, great. “First question! Ooh this is interesting. If Chan wasn’t studying music currently, what would he be doing?” Before anyone could answer, Felix yelled from his seat, “He’d be an actor or an athlete. He’d also be a kangaroo, if he could be... which I don’t really understand since they’re literally a pest species.” “Correct? Regardless of whoever answered, the points go to you guys.” The MC chuckled, slightly confused, as Chan and his partner tentatively high-fived each other. “Next question! What is Chan’s favourite season?” The MC looked pointedly at Mariah Carey playlist lover. As they opened their mouth to speak, Felix sighed loudly, “This is too easy. It’s Autumn, obviously.” You turned to Felix, embarrassed, as heads turned towards where the two of you were seated. “GeT rEaDy, Y/N. We’Re gOinG tO wiPe tHe fLoOr wiTh tHeM.” You mocked, imitating his earlier statement. “You do realise that if you keep answering the questions, they’ll end up winning. If I remember correctly, you wanted to beat them, not help them.” You hissed, annoyed at his impulsiveness. “Plans can be slightly altered. It’ll work out.” Felix shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. You pinched the bridge of your nose, Honestly, this boy only runs off two brain cells. To think of the lengths he’d go to just be told pick up lines from Chan. You’d think that he was fighting to the death for his beloved... “Haha... another point to the couple. Honestly, you guys won’t have to do anything to win at this point.” The MC pointed out awkwardly. “Let’s move onto the next question. This is easy. What is Chan’s favourite hobby?” The MC’s smile faltered as Felix stood up, everyone directing their attention towards him once again, “He loves to play sport!” You sunk low into your seat, pulling the hood of your hoodie over your head as you avoided the heavy gaze of the other contestants and other onlookers. Tugging Felix back to his seat, he slowly sat down as the MC looked at the two of you and Chan and his partner confusedly, “Ha... maybe the two of you should have partnered up.” He pointed to Chan and Felix who was adamantly glaring at the bewildered couple. “Right, so another point to the two of you. Let’s move on...” The game continued, Felix answering every single question as you cringed at his eagerness... until it came to Mariah Carey person’s turn. From then, he sat in stony silence, glaring at the couple as Chan answered every question correctly.

“Onto our next couple! Y/N and... Felix.” You sat down in the seat opposite Felix on the stage, mentally running through everything you know about him. “First question! Remember, it’s important that the both of you answer correctly, in order to win. What is Felix’s favourite colour?” You exhaled in relief, okay. These questions are kind of reasonable, “Black.” “Correct! Ooh, looks like Chan’s going to have to look out!” Your answer streak continued, with you answering the questions almost immediately. They weren’t too ridiculous (which you hadn’t expected, considering Felix). Eventually came Felix’s turn, “Alright, Felix. Let’s hope you know Y/N as well as you do Chan.” The audience chuckled at the MC’s comment as Felix flushed awkwardly (the boy was finally embarrassed istg). “Looks like the two of you were on the same wavelength! What is Y/N’s favourite colour?” An awkward silence filled the stage as Felix looked at you with utter panic. You shook your head in disappointment. Surely. Surely he kno— “Uhh turquoise?” Turquoise???? This boy. Honestly. “Incorrect! What a shame. Let’s move onto the next question.” As the game went on, awkward silences patterned with the MC’s new favourite response of ‘incorrect!’ 

“It’s a real shame that you and Chan weren’t partnered together.” The MC patted Felix’s back sympathetically as you headed back to the contestants whilst Chan and his partner collected their prize, Chan cracking the cheesiest of pickup lines on his very much embarrassed significant other, “You know, my shirt’s so soft. Do you know what material it’s made of? Boyfriend material.” “Oh my god, Chan, stoppp.” As the crowd dissipated, you stood, beckoning Felix to walk with you, “I thought you wanted to win.” You said dryly, as Felix turned to you, defensive, “How am I supposed to know the intimate and in-depth details of your life?” “Favourite colours are hardly intimate, and generally friends are supposed to listen to each other, and talk to each other about their interests?” You raised your eyebrows. He sighed in defeat, “You’re right. I’m sorry. How about we grab a hot chocolate and you can tell me all the answers to those questions.” He held out his hand to you. You looked at it questioningly, slowly taking it, interlocking your fingers with his, ignoring the fluttering of your heart, “I know you’re only doing this so that I can help you but I’m far too hungry to care about your motives.” “Of course not. It’s just also the perfect time to talk about our next course of action. Amongst talking about you, obviously.” “Sure...”

Impatiently tapping your foot as you waited in line to ‘confront Chan’, you turned to glare at Felix who was seated in his car just outside the cafe. Taking out your phone, you texted him, [10:38] Remind me again of what I have to do and why I’m doing this? [10:40] (Felix) You really don’t remember?? [10:40] to be fair, it’s an elaborate plan... [10:41] (Felix) fine. Basically you have to approach Chan hyung and give him a pick up line. Then I’ll walk in, and he’ll use it on me, and all order in the world will be restored. As to why you’re doing this... you’re doing it because you looooooooove me 😌 [10:42] More like haaaaaate but whatever. wouldn’t it seem like I was hitting on him?? [10:43] (Felix) 😭 😭 you wound me with your words, y/n. We all know that I’m your favourite person and you’d do anything for me. It should be fine. [10:44] I could leave this cafe and never talk to you again [10:45] (Felix) No!! Y/N pleaseeeee do this for me. I’ll ✨ love ✨ you forever ️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Ignoring the skip of your heart at his text, you rolled your eyes, Get a grip, Y/N. This guy clearly only has eyes for a certain pick-up lines guy. [10:46] nobody wants that. I’ll do it because I’m a good person. Please revoke your hearts. [10:47] (Felix) Neverrrrr ️️️️️️️️️️️️️️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ [10:47] (Felix) oh! You’re up in line!! Go! You got this!!  Steeling yourself, you smiled as you approached the counter Chan was working at, “Hey, Y/N! How are you?” Chan greeted you cheerfully, dimples on full display. Ahh too bright. My eyes— his smile’s too charming. I kind of understand why the whole playlist thing went well. “Heyyy Chan! I’m good. How do you brew?” You laughed awkwardly, internally cringing. “Oh, I’m brewing good too. Can I get you anything?” He grinned at your pun. “Uh— just a latte for me, thanks.” You panicked, stating the first thing you saw on the menu. “One latte coming right up. So, how’s Felix? I haven’t seen him since the festival. I know he really wanted that pick up line book.” He looked at you, his eyes slightly guilty as he started the espresso machine. You could say that... “Yeah, he’s been taking it... pretty hard. How have you been finding the book?” You asked. “The book’s pretty cool, actually. I’ve come across some pretty great pick up lines. Oh! There’s this one where—“ You cut him off as he poured in two teaspoons of sugar, regurgitating the pick up line Felix had forced you to practice repeatedly in the car beforehand. “I have a better one- hold the sugar, please. You’re sweet enough for me.” Ughhhhhh. Ugh. That was— ugh. I should start apologising. Chan’s eyes widened, his expression similar to a deer caught in headlights, “I— Wow! You’re just full of creativity, Y/N. Look at you, two pick up lines in one morning. I’m going to have to use them on my partner, now.” He laughed awkwardly. “No!” You interjected. “No?” You took a deep breath, “You can only use them on your best friend.” “Is this like one of those ‘repost this chain or you’ll die in 13 days or something like that’ things but in real life?” Chan questioned, confused. You turned around, not-so-subtly beckoning Felix to come into the cafe. “Haha... what??? Oh and just to be clear, I wasn’t hitting on you, so can you please continue putting in the sugar?” “I know. It’s pretty obvious that you have feelings for— Oh hey Felix! I— oof!” He stumbled backwards from the impact of someone— oh it’s his playlist lover, wrapping him into a hug. “Hey. What’s up?” He released them, looking at them concerned. “Nothing. I just missed you today.” “Oh that reminds me. Y/N told me these epic pick up lines. I have to use them on you...” I mean. They are best friends... You looked apologetically at Felix who stood, his jaw clenched, passively fuming as he observed the couple from the door, “Felix, I’m really sorry that your plan failed again.” You patted his back sympathetically. “It’s fine... we just have to come up with something more attention grabbing!” He nodded resolutely, leading you out of the cafe. “Wait— I left my coffee!” “There’s no time to lose, Y/N. I’ve already come up with our next plan.” Oh no.

The next phase of the plan was... extravagant to say the least. Felix hadn’t told you much but seeing the long to-do list he had written out... it was a bit much. Approaching the art department, you knocked on the door of the workshop whilst Felix strode confidently past you. Upon hearing the knock and Felix’s footsteps, a brown-haired boy looked up from what looked like it was supposed to be a sculpture but was really just a blob of clay, “Minho hyung... my man! My bro! What’s up?” Felix clapped the boy’s shoulder. You shook your head in disgust, Why is he so cringy? The boy - Minho, narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, “What do you want, Felix?” “Why do people always assume that I want anything? What if I just wanted to hang out with my dearest friends without any motives except for showing my appreciation for you guys being in my life?” Felix raised his hands in surrender defensively. “Hell would have to freeze over for that to happen.” You hummed, Minho snorting at your comment as Felix clutched his chest in mock offence. “Well, as you can see, no one buys your sentiment, so tell me what you want.” Minho sighed. “You both wound me with your verbal warfare, but... I actually need a favour.” Felix stated tentatively. “A favour?” Minho raised an eyebrow. “I need you to make me a life sized present.” He said seriously. Do you ever look at someone and wonder what on earth is going on in their head? Yeah, there’s no point on doing that for Felix. Nothing can explain what goes on in there. “I need to what? Why?” Minho looked at Felix, incredulous. “That’s on a need-to-know basis and you don’t need to know. Look, all I need you to do is find a human-sized box and decorate it with wrapping paper and whatnot. Just make it look like a present.” Felix explained, slightly impatient. “...why me?” Minho asked, reluctant. “You’re an art major, right? This’ll be in your ballpark. I give you full creative liberty. Just make it look as pretty and realistic as possible.” Felix clapped Minho’s back, waving as he exited the workshop. You gave Minho an apologetic glance before chasing after Felix. “...but I’m an accounting major.” Minho sighed, defeated.

“Y/N, Minho hyung just dropped off the present! Come look at it!” Felix called from the foyer. The two of you were currently “house sitting” Chan’s apartment. Technically Chan didn’t ask you guys to, since he was only going away for a day. However, Felix insisted on it, using the excuse of ‘watering Chan’s plants’ to execute his plan. Chan doesn’t have any plants. Ignoring Felix’s poor attempt at a cover, Chan let Felix do whatever but gave clear instructions to not break or burn anything. Wandering over to Felix, you gaped at the... present in front of you. On the floor, in front of you, was literally just a human-sized cardboard box (that was falling apart, the clear sticky tape holding the corners together by a thread) with random Christmas wrapping adorning the sides of it, alongside a lid (with breathing holes) and a bow on top. Minho must be a modern art student or something, because this is... interesting to say the very least (no offence to modern art students/artists - love y’all). “It’s so beautiful!” Felix fussed over it, his eyes sparkling with excitement and awe. Of course Felix would like it. I guess art truly is in the eye of the beholder. “So, are you going to tell me what you’re going to do with that?” You crossed your arms over your chest staring pointedly at the box. “I’m going to hide in this present until Chan hyung comes back from his hometown tomorrow morning at nine on the dot. Chan hyung will see this mysterious package in the living room and his curiosity will force him to open it, revealing me! I’ll give him a pick-up line, he’ll laugh and we’ll both live happily ever after.” “Not to rain on your Disney princess movie parade but I don’t think you’ve thought any of the logistics through. How are you—“ “Y/N, stop. Let a professional work their work. Don’t worry, I’ve figured everything out.” He waved his hand dismissively, picking up the box and beckoning you to grab the other side. “Don’t come crawling back to me when you need help. Or food.” You warned.

“Just sit still! Stop moving! Otherwise I’ll duct tape your hands together.” You waved the duct tape roll threateningly as Felix fidgeted in the box. On the way to the living room, the box had decided to collapse in on itself as you had expected. Felix, being Felix, was distraught, causing you to be here now fixing the box up with duct tape as Felix sniffed sadly at its unfortunate demise. “I’m sorry, Y/N! Please don’t! How would I be able to eat?” He surrendered, eyes wide. “That’s for you to figure out and for me not to care about. Lucky for you, I’m not that cruel.” You stuck the last piece of tape on the box, dusting your knees as you stood, helping Felix move closer to the Christmas tree in the corner of the room. “Okay, so this is where I leave you.” “You’re leaving already??” Felix pouted, your heartbeat quickening, He really wants to hang out with me? No... He’s probably just worried he’ll be bored. “It wasn’t really at the top of my Christmas wish list to spend Christmas Eve with a man stuck in a life sized present waiting for his friend to come home so that he can give him a pick-up line. I also wouldn’t dare ruin your future moment with Chan. You have your phone, right? Call me if you need me.” You sighed, grabbing your keys as you stuck the lid on Felix, he let out a muffled “bye” as you left the apartment.

“Y/N? Can you pick me up? I’m scared.”

“Y/NNNN I’m bored. Come over.” “Tell me what you think of this pick-up line...” Swiftly deleting the 40 voicemails Felix had left you overnight, you rolled your eyes, a small (but uncontrollable) smile forming on your face at his dramatics. Okay, you were kind of fond of Felix’s theatrics. Not that it matters, though. You sighed, rolling out of bed. It was a bit tiring - having to foster feelings towards someone that doesn’t feel the same way. Just be a good friend, Y/N. That’s all that matters right now. Your phone buzzed, the caller ID showing Felix. You sighed, picking up the phone, “He—“ “Y/N? You need to come. Like now.” Felix whispered hurriedly. “Why?” You raised your eyebrows at his urgency. “Why? Chan hyung was two hours late. He came back at 11 instead of nine. And guess who he came home with?” “Playlist lover.” You answered instantly, getting ready to pick him up. “Exactly. And y’know what they’ve been doing for the past hour and a bit? Making gingerbread and being a ridiculous, annoyingly cute couple. So now I’m hungry and... I really need to go to the bathroom.” He whined. “Can I just say that you really did not figure out the logistics in this plan.” You pointed out. “Logistics don’t matter when it comes to friendship!” He whispered dramatically. “Whatever. Look, I have a plan. You just need to trust me on this one.” You said, pulling a ‘disguise’ out of your closet. “Somehow that doesn’t give me comfort because normally I’m the one who makes the plans in this relationship.” “And look at how that turned out for you. I’ll see you in a bit!” You hung up on him, grabbing your car keys and heading out.

Dressed in the daggiest of outfits (lots and lots of flannel and a low cap), you knocked on the door to Chan’s apartment, revealing a floury Bang Chan and his even more floury significant other, “Y/N, is that you?” “Huh—“ you cleared your throat, deepening your voice, “uh, no. I’m their cousin. Hence, the resemblance.” “Okay... how can I help you, then?” He asked, his tone uncertain. “Oh. Well. I was hoping that I could inspect the place. I’m... your new landlord!” You exclaimed, recalling the notice you had seen around the complex. “Oh? Of course! The notices did say that you were coming for inspections.” He ushered you in, showing you through to the living room. Your eyes landed on the ‘present’ in the corner of the room. I need to get them out of here somehow. “Oh! I think I can smell something burning. You might want to check that out. Could you also point me towards the bathroom?” You asked innocently. “Ah! Of course. It’s the first room to the right in the hallway.” He gestured towards the hall as he and his partner ran to the kitchen. Rushing over to Felix, you grunted, dragging the box as quickly as you can into a room that resembled a studio. Grabbing out a pocket knife, you tore through the duct tape, lifting the lid as Felix scrambled out of the box and to the bathroom, shooting you a relieved smile. This boy. Honestly, why does he do this to himself? Hearing footsteps approaching, you panicked, hopping into the box, closing the lid on you. “Why are you in the box?” Felix approached, drying his hands hurriedly. “I thought you were Chan...” You awkwardly stepped out. “It doesn’t matter anymore! Let’s go!” He whispered hurriedly, heading towards the door as you pulled him back. “Well... you can’t come out the front with me...” you scanned the room, your eyes locking on the window in front of you. Felix followed your gaze, terror filling his eyes, “Y/N! I can’t do that! It’s so high!” He clung to you as you pushed him towards the window. “We’re literally on the ground floor. The height difference between this window and the ground is probably at half your height at most.” You flicked his hands off you, as he slowly sat on the ledge of the window as you opened the window, the cold air greeting you. “No! Y/N, I can’t do it. It’s too—“ His protesting cut off as you lightly pushed him, causing him to stumble off the ledge, tripping and falling to the ground as he landed on the thick snow outside the complex. Instantly, he lay down, yelling incoherent dramatics. Holding back your laughter, you chucked the present box next to him and shut the window, “Merry Christmas!” You re-emerged from the hallway. Somehow Chan and his Mariah Carey playlist lover were looking worse — icing adorned and everything. Oh my gosh. They’re that cliche fanfic couple that make a huge mess when cooking together. How disgusting. “Thank you for allowing me to use your bathroom. I’ll be heading out now.” “Really? What about the inspection?” Chan questioned, eyes wide. “Oh everything’s fine. Okay, bye!” You started towards the front door as Chan blocked your exit. “Wait! We just wanted to give you these gingerbread cookies. You basically saved them and we felt bad that you had to work on Christmas.” He handed the cookies to you, his tone pitiful. “Oh. Well if you insist, who am I to refuse?” You waved at them as you left the complex just as someone dressed in basically the same outfit as you approached their door, “Excuse me! Mr Bang Chan? I’m your new landlord. I came for an inspection?” They yelled, as your eyes widened in horror, bolting as fast as you could out of the complex. “I like your outfit, by the way!” They yelled after you. You caught up to Felix as he waited outside your car. “Now do you have faith in my plans?” You crossed your arms over your chest, still slightly out of breath. You thought back to the narrow escape you had with the actual landlord, Gosh, literally the first time someone compliments me for my fashion sense, it’s when I’m trying to dress up like them unintentionally.  “If I say yes, will you give me a cookie?” “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, hey Y/N and Felix. Thanks for taking care of my house whilst we were away. I’m glad to see that nothing broke or burnt.” Chan brought Felix into a bro hug thing as you handed his partner a basket of gingerbread cookies, entering the Christmas-themed household. “It’s not like you weren’t about to burn the house down by yourselves.” You muttered. “Hm?” Chan looked at you expectantly. “Oh! I said... I didn’t burn the gingerbread.” You pointed at the basket of gingerbread. “You know! That’s so funny. We nearly burnt down the house a couple of days ago with our Christmas cookies.” Chan and his partner laughed nervously. “We know.” Felix blurted out. You elbowed Felix, panicked. “I see you still have your decorations up.” You said quickly changing the topic, taking in the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling and the tinsel adorned shelves. “Yeah, well we wanted to have a Christmas party but both of us went home on Christmas and it’s not illegal to have Christmas decorations up two days after Christmas.” Chan explained, handing you both mugs of eggnog. “Actually, it is. But I’ll put up with your offence.” You smirked, sipping at your eggnog. “Thank you for your everlasting generosity, Y/N. Now, you two should go and enjoy the party.” Chan clapped your backs, pushing you and Felix into the party scene. “So... what’s the plan?” You turned to Felix who was observing the couple. “Honestly, Y/N, this is my last shot.” He sighed, exhausted. “Okay... and what are you going to do?” You looked at him, concerned at his sudden dampen in mood. “I’m going to give him a pick up line.” He said triumphantly. “Um. Haven’t you been trying to do that the entire time?” You questioned, confused. “And this is the last time I’m trying that. I’m going to give him one so that he’ll be left with no choice but to fall on his knees, weeping huge tears of regret as he struggles to give me one that matches it’s sheer brilliance.” He explained (dramatically). “Sure. Come find me when you’ve had the happily ever after we’ve all been waiting for.” You shot him a quick smile before moving off to talk to playlist lover.

Soft jazz versions of classic Christmas songs played as people departed from the party.

Walking over to the hallway, you stopped, looking at a dejected Felix leaning against the wall.

“How did it go?” You said, tentatively approaching him.

“What can I say? He’s in love.” He sighed defeatedly.

“Let me guess, he used it on playlist lover?” You asked bluntly.

He nodded dejectedly.

You sighed, steeling yourself, glancing up at the mistletoe between the two of you,

It’s now or never, Y/N.

“I must be a snowflake. Because I’ve fallen for you.”

A shocked silence fell over the two of you as you stumbled to recover your dignity.

“I—“

“Say that again.”

“Huh?”

“The pick up line. Say it again.”

“...I must be a snowflake. Because I’ve fallen for you.” You muttered.

“That... do you mean that?”

“Well. Yes. In a sense because I’m not a snowflake. That’s just weird. Why did I say that? I also don’t think anyone that only liked you as a friend would go to such lengths to help salvage a friendship you don’t really need to salvage. Look, obviously the dynamic between you and Chan has changed since he got a girlfriend. But hey, if you feel the same way, I could be the Chan to your Felix. In a romantic manner, obviously... perhaps as your partner?” You looked nervously at the ground.

“You really like me? After everything I put you through?” He asked, incredulous.

“Although it was extremely ridiculous, it was entertaining... and we got to spend time together.” You quietened your voice for the last part.

“Well, we must both be snowflakes because I’ve fallen for you too.” He lifted your chin, eyes interlocked with yours.

“That was really cheesy.” You murmured.

“Hey, you’re the one that used it on me first.” Felix defended.

“Mmk. Well. For this to work you need to—“ He interrupted you, capturing your lips with his briefly.

“Did that make up for it?” He stepped back, breathless.

“Th-that was cheesy too.” You stuttered, shocked.

“Well, our relationship hasn’t exactly been cliche until now.”

“Ah yes, kissing under the mistletoe. It’s almost like the ending of a Christmas classic movie.” You sighed.

“Almost?” Felix raised an eyebrow.

“Minus the pick up lines.”

“Yeah, well you’re roped into this now. You’ve given me the expectation that you’ll give me a pick up line every time you see me.” He smirked.

“No. I refuse.” You grabbed your bag, waving at Chan and his partner as you exited his apartment, Felix on your heels.

“Three a day?”

“One.”

➳ part three?  |  masterlist!

[esotericakit]

Fancy ranting about why you love kit snicket?👀 tbh I never found her character that compelling but I’m extreme open to changes of opinion hhh? pls feel free to ignore this hhgkkgkg

oh my god i’m so sorry i’ve been super busy I only just saw this but ahhh I love this question ((also sorry if some of thisk doesn’t make sense, i just got off a 7 hour bus ride and I am sleep deprived)). also a tw here for some discussions of painful stuff like death, loss, grief, implications of suicidal thoughts (nothing graphic)

okay so that’s valid bc she doesn’t get a lot to work with in tpp BUUUUUT what you do get is very rich. so basically it’s all tied in with vfd and what they’ve done to the sugarbowl gen. every member of the sugarbowl gen has been ripped from their family extremely young and recruited into this organisation, forced into life threatening situations, kept from loved ones for long periods of time (like kit and lemony in atwq) and have sort of convinced themselves, to varying degrees, that it’s important because the organisation is important. with lemony, he’s disillusioned and disappears after heartbreak. with beatrice and bertrand, they decide to pull away and leave. with jacques, he buries himself so deeply into his work with vfd so that he doesn’t have to reckon with what they did to him. and then you have kit.

with kit, I think she isn’t as sold to vfd as jacques and can still be somewhat critical of it, but also recognises that she’s trapped and always will be at their beck and call, and it’s not easy to break out from this illusion of the mighty organisation she’s a part of. she’s a quick thinker, she’s a mechanic, she’s resilient, she’s quick-witted, she’s as good a volunteer as they come, and so they exploit that and use her gifts (like building the queequeg and having her make the poison darts). for the most part, she buys into vfd’s bullshit, but i think it’s a sort of defence mechanism where she knows that resistance is going to be harder than compliance, so she puts her head down and does the work.

and this leads her to do things that she maybe wouldn’t have done of her own free will, like aiding in the murder of olaf’s parents. we don’t know exactly what kit and olaf’s relationship was like, but from what’s given in their interaction in te, i think they were young sweethearts, i think kit did genuinely care for him, and i think that it was vfd that ordered the murder, and not beatrice and bertrand, as many people have implied. so, by giving beatrice and bertrand the darts, she chooses the organisation over her relationship, and it can’t have been an easy choice. this then re-ignites the schism, olaf becomes a firestarter and kit has to watch as her brother is framed by olaf for crimes he didn’t commit.

and then lemony dies, or so she thinks. i’m of the mind that kit never learns that her brother is actually alive, and dies thinking she lost him. and we know that family is one of the most important things to the snickets; “we snickets look out for their own”, and I imagine kit going beside herself trying to find ways to protect lemony from all the attacks, the frame jobs, the rumours, only to have it be too late, and she’s lost her brother forever.

and so she’s left there, mourning lemony, and all she has left of her family is jacques. and she loves jacques but his first priority is vfd, it’ll always be vfd. she has beatrice and bertrand, but they’ll leave to the island soon, and they’ll leave vfd after that, and be largely out of her life for good.

she starts building the queequeg and at last, her vfd work seems to be doing some good. she meets ink, monty’s latest discovery, and at last, it seems that other members of vfd are doing some good. and then she hears about the medusoid mycelium, and the illusion of vfd cracks a little bit more. she desperately tries to stop gregor from creating the mycelium, only for that to fail. another loss.

then, we don’t know the nature of kit and dewey’s relationship so again, going off what we have with the fact that she is pregnant when we meet her and that dewey’s last word is “kit”, not to mention the way that she explicitly asked about dewey’s wellbeing when she meets the baudelaires on the island, the implication is heavily that she and dewey are romantically involved. and I think she found a lot of solace in dewey. dewey, in his own way, had lost a lot, from his parents to his brother (joining the firestartera), to his own identity, all to vfd, and he understood where she was coming from in terms of being disillusioned but also being trapped.

and then the baudelaire fire happens, and it’s very clear to everyone that olaf was involved (whether he actually was or not is a different debate). so this is now 3 people who kit has loved that olaf has had a hand in their deaths. someone she loved killing other people she loved, and it’s the most painful thing.

we don’t know where kit is for the events of asoue, but regardless, she has to hear how other associates and friends have died or been killed at the hands of olaf, and each one hurts more than the last, because she can’t stop or slow down how many people she’s losing, and I think there’s an element of not being able to help but blame herself for his actions, because if she hadn’t helped kill his parents, maybe he wouldn’t be doing this.

and then jacques dies, and it’s the biggest blow yet. she just lost the last member of her family she had left, and she can’t cope, she stays in bed and decides that, despite dewey, despite her child, she’ll never leave her bed again.

what does make her leave, however, is vfd business; the message from quigley. she knows that she can’t even take the time to mourn her brother, she has to keep moving, and the pressure to carry the whole “good” side of vfd, to continue what her brother started, is on her shoulders, and that’s immense.

and so that’s when we meet her in tpp, and she is a broken person. she has lost so many people, been put through so much, had her entire worldview and foundation turned upside down, and she’s still doing all of this work, putting her life on the line over and over again, for an organisation that has done nothing but take things from her and hurt her, but there’s absolutely nothing else she can do. she’s pregnant and she can’t allow herself to be happy or excited about that because she just doesn’t have it in her. all she knows is that she has to get through this as quickly as she can, losing as few people as she can. her conversation with the baudelaires is interesting too, and is so exemplary of how she’s mourning; she remembers little details about beatrice and bertrand (like the feathers on bea’s shawl) and reminisces about how much the children look like them, and you can tell that it’s extremely painful to go through

she then leaves the baudelaires and risks her life again trying to rescue the quagmires, and it’s unclear whether it was a success or not but regardless, when she finally pulls herself up onto that stupid book raft she insists on making, she’s so so so so tired. she’s in labour, she doesn’t know what’s happened at the hotel denouement, she doesn’t know whether she’ll return to the city and find more destruction or not. i think the only thing stopping her from giving up while on that raft is the thought of her child and dewey, so she holds on.

she washes up on the island and the baudelaires are there, which means they’re alive, so that’s something. but then she hears that dewey’s dead. that the hotel went up in flames. that all that’s waiting for her in the city is more pain and more loss. and that’s the final blow, that’s the moment that she knows that there is nothing can happen that can repair the damage created by what’s been taken from her. she refuses the apple, citing fear that it would harm the baby, but I think the truth is that she couldn’t bear to consider continuing her life after all that’s happened, even if it means sacrificing a life with her child.

and then olaf shows up and he rescues her from the raft and she’s suddenly face to face with the reason for so much of the loss she’s faced. it was him who killed so many of her associates, her friends, her brothers. and she doesn’t forgive him, because she knows she isn’t big enough to do that. we can also hypothesise about whether or not olaf could be the baby’s father (i like to headcanon that she doesn’t know either way but it’s either dewey’s or olaf’s, and the stress of that makes this moment even harder). but she also doesn’t have the energy to be angry at him. she knows these are her last moments, and she knows that olaf was a victim of vfd, just like she was. so she touches his tattoo and chooses instead to recite poetry, because it’s easier than being angry, it’s easier than hating him. he recites poetry back, and then dies. and despite the fact that he’s hurt her so much, she did care for him once, it’s one more person she’s lost, when she didn’t think she had anyone else to lose.

and then she gives birth to her daughter, using the last ounces of strength she has left. it’s a horrendously sad thing, because i think she could have had the capacity to love her daughter, to be a good mother, but the pain won out and she stopped being able to want to help herself, if that makes sense. so she gives her daughter life, the only thing she has left to give her, and then dies.

I think it’s so staggering to think about this person, who could have lived a life full of colour and fire, and see her completely beaten down to what she ended up as in tpp. she’s a prime example of what vfd does, she’s the last one standing of her generation, and the toll that takes on her is immense. i think the juxtaposition of her recklessness and her grief against the fact that she’s pregnant and about to become a mother is even more heartbreaking. she’s such a compelling character and so gorgeously written, even though what we see of her is so brief. she’s a person who so desperately wants autonomy and control over her situation, things she’ll never truly have, so she does reckless things that endanger her life, to get that control back and because she truly stops caring about her well-being.

and it’s a little comforting i guess? i tend to project onto kit a lot because of some of my own life experiences and losses and i understand where she comes from a lot of time time and it’s such a difficult place and my heart just hurts for her a lot

i’m sorry that this was so long, i got carried away lol thanks for the question though!!

[honey-dewey]

Take me Home, Country Roads

A Writer Wednesday Story

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels/GN! Reader

Word Count: 2,313

Warnings: Mentions of Jack’s late wife, but this is entirely fluff

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

You and Jack had never had an easy relationship, but it all seems to be coming together now. Especially after you and him decided to have a kid via surrogate. The only issue? Your daughter is nine hours away. I guess this calls for a road trip. 

The prompt for this week’s Writer Wednesday was given, as always, by the lovely @autumnleaves1991-blog. 

“Baby,” Jack shook your shoulder, making you groan and roll over in bed. “Baby.” 

“What?” You said slowly, sufficiently cranky after having been woken up before the sun rose. The clock over Jack’s shoulder read 2:37, and you really wanted to hit him. Why the hell were you awake?

Jack kissed you, and you had half a mind to bite him for waking you up so damn early. “Daniels,” you said against his lips. “You aren’t winning yourself any points with me right now.” 

“Mhm,” Jack hummed. “C’mon. We have to go.” 

“Go?” You sat up, rubbing your eyes. “Go where?” 

One of Jack’s old shirts was tossed in your direction, and he smiled. “We’re picking Frankie up today.” 

Immediately, you felt giddiness fill your stomach as you jumped up, suddenly very eager. You passed Jack, the both of you going about your morning routines in a very rushed way. Today was the day you and Jack were going to drive from your house in Texas all the way out to the middle of New Mexico to pick up your newborn daughter, Marie Francesca Daniels. 

It was nearly three in the morning by the time you were ready to go. Jack yawned, filling a travel mug with coffee and handing you your own travel mug. “Do we have everything?” 

You nodded. “Car seat is in the car already,” you said, checking the items off your fingers as you went. “Diaper bag was packed yesterday, I have that audiobook downloaded, you have the address in your phone, and I just packed snacks.” 

Jack smiled, kissing your forehead. “Are you ready?” 

“No,” you admitted. “But at the same time, yes. I can’t wait to have her here.” 

“I can’t either,” Jack reassured. “C’mon, we have to hit the road.” 

Despite the early hour, you didn’t sleep at all in the car, opting to instead listen to the audiobook you had picked and relax, watching night darkened landmarks pass you by. Exhilaration kept your eyes as open as they’d get until breakfast, and you paid half attention to the book while Jack drove beside you. 

Nine and a half months ago, you and Jack had sat down to have a very serious discussion. Did you want kids or not? Jack had, obviously, said yes, but after the catastrophe that was his late wife, he was hesitant. You were in a similar boat. Kids would’ve been nice, especially considering your ranch house was built for a family, but the process of having kids was something you could never see yourself doing. So after much discussion and a few angry nights, you and Jack found a surrogate. She wasn’t that far away, and she was super sweet. The three of you had met once, to confirm the pregnancy, and all of you had cried. Since then, her health had been well and steady, and last week she’d given birth to your baby girl. She was named after two of Jack’s great grandmothers, one from his mom’s side and one from his dad’s. 

The sun rose earlier than you expected, peering over the hills as Jack continued westward. The hospital in New Mexico was nearly nine hours away, meaning you wouldn’t even reach it until a bit past noon, and you wouldn’t be returning home until well after nine pm. But you didn’t mind, not for this. 

Nearly four hours into the trip, at 7 in the morning, Jack found a relatively healthy place to stop for breakfast. He walked in and got two bagels while you sat in the car, texting the surrogate. She had just woken up, and was almost as excited as you and Jack were for today. 

“Whatcha doing?” Jack asked, getting back into the car and handing you a paper bag with your bagels in it. 

“Texting Jackie,” you said. “She says Frankie is doing a-ok, and is eager to come home with us.” 

Jack smiled. “Still can’t believe you let me name her Francesca.” He handed you your bagel, and you grinned. 

“We made a deal,” you said. “You could name her Francesa as long as it wasn’t her first name. No matter what, I knew we’d be calling her Frankie.” 

“We can call her Marie when she’s in trouble,” Jack said, leaning in close and giving you a kiss. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” You asked, laughing as Jack trailed his kisses down, tickling your skin with his facial hair. 

Jack smiled, humming against your skin. “For letting us have a baby.” 

“Oh Jack,” you murmured, abandoning your breakfast so you could turn your full attention to your cowboy husband. “I wasn’t ever going to stop you from raising a family. Ever.” 

“I know,” Jack reassured. “What do you think about having another one? That house has room for three or four.” 

That brought a huge smile to your face. “Jack,” you said seriously, humor tinting your voice. “Let’s focus on one for now. We can revisit this conversation in two years.” 

Jack pouted, but accepted, leaning back so he could eat his bagel and get back on the road. You ate slower than Jack, absorbing the audiobook you’d started playing again and enjoying seeing all the passing land outside the car. 

A few more hours into your trip, and you were bored out of your mind. The book was super good, and you kept trying to focus your attention on that, but nothing could kill the boredom that was building in your chest. 

“What time is it?” 

Jack sighed. “Ten minutes since the last time you asked,” he said, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles. “It’s about ten thirty.” 

You groaned. “Fuck,” you said, dragging the word out. “I’m so damn bored.” 

Jack chuckled. “My laptop is in the back if you want to screw around with that solitaire program.” 

It was better than doing a whole load of nothing, so you grabbed Jack’s laptop and set it up on top of your thighs. “Am I even allowed to use this?” 

“Why wouldn’t you be allowed to use it?” Jack asked. 

“What if I uncover some big Statesman secrets,” you said, logging in regardless. “What if I destroy the world?” 

Jack smiled. “You cannot destroy the world from my laptop,” he reassured. “Not that one, at least.” 

“This one?” You looked up, surprised. “You mean to tell me you can destroy the world from a laptop you own?” 

Now Jack was full on laughing. “Yeah!” He said. “My work laptop. It stays at work though.” 

You made a face. “Well that’s boring,” you decided, clicking on a solitaire game. “When do you want to grab lunch?” 

Jack shrugged. “According to the GPS, we’ll get there a little after noon, so what do you say to eleven thirty? That way we have time to eat and stuff, plus the car won’t smell.” 

It seemed reasonable to you, so you nodded. “Sounds good,” you said, sliding down in your seat and beginning a forty five minute long solitaire tournament with yourself. 

“Babe,” Jack said softly after you finished the tenth game, nudging you. “Take a look at this.” 

You shut the laptop off and looked up, immediately feeling yourself gasp. Outside the car was a sight you wished you could experience forever. The road stretched on as far as you could see, empty except for you and Jack. The sky was a beautiful picturesque blue with only the barest clouds, none of which dared block the sun. The earth was a gorgeous orange dirt, striped in various shades. Ahead of you stood a few mesas, breaking up the flat expanse of land. It was perfection, and you couldn’t help but pull out your phone to snap a picture. 

“It’s beautiful,” you breathed softly. “Absolutely beautiful.” 

Jack smiled. “There’s a small town ten minutes from here,” he said. “We can stop to grab lunch, and then it’s only another half hour until we’re there.” 

You looked at Jack, surprised. “Was I really playing solitaire for that long?” 

“Yes you were.” 

Lunch ended up being from a food truck, considering that was all you could find in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico. When you got out of the car, you immediately groaned, stretching your legs out and feeling your back pop. 

Jack smiled, grabbing his hat. “Feeling okay over there?” 

You shrugged. “I’ve been through worse,” you decided, looking around. “This place is so cool.” 

“Reminds me of where I grew up,” Jack said, putting his arm around you. “Although my hometown had more grass and less sand.” 

While you two ate at a small picnic table, you texted Jackie, telling her you were only half an hour away. She responded with enthusiasm, and you sent her the picture you took of the landscape. 

The final leg of your trip was very quiet. The audiobook had finished, and neither of you wanted to break the delicate silence in the car. Well, silence was relative, considering Jack was humming John Denver while he drove, but you didn’t mind. 

When you finally pulled into the hospital parking lot, you had trouble getting out of the car. Inside that building was your baby, your little girl. When you looked over at Jack, he looked just as nervous as you. “Ready cowboy?” 

“Ready,” Jack confirmed, taking your hand. “Let’s do this.” 

Finding the room wasn’t hard. A very sweet nurse led you to Jackie’s room, and you stared at the door for a solid minute before knocking. 

“You’re here!” Jackie said, smiling as Jack opened the door. “She’s been an angel for me all morning.” 

You nodded, unable to speak. Wrapped in a soft blanket in Jackie’s arms was your baby. You and Jack had both seen photos, but it seemed nothing would compare to the real thing. Jackie stood, still holding Frankie. “Do you want to hold her?” 

Jack stepped forward, and Jackie put Frankie down in his arms. Jack smiled, cradling Frankie close to his body. “Hey baby,” he said softly. “It’s me, your daddy.” 

Jackie stepped back, towards you. “He’s a natural,” she whispered to you. 

You nodded. “Thank you so much,” you said. “I don’t ever think I’ll be able to thank you enough for what you’ve given us.” 

Jackie smiled. “I’m just glad I was able to help you two.” 

After nearly half an hour of sitting and waiting, you and Jack both holding Frankie, a doctor came around to release her. He checked your daughter over and deemed her okay to leave, and the four of you all walked out together. Jackie waved and smiled from her car as she drove away, rolling her window down to give you one final goodbye. 

You got into the driver’s seat, looking back at Jack, who was settling Frankie into her car seat. “How goes it back there cowboy?” 

“Got it!” Jack said triumphantly, smiling and kissing Frankie’s head. “Sleep tight baby girl.” He closed the backseat door and got into the passenger seat. “Still can’t believe she’s ours.” 

You smiled, taking his hand. “We have a daughter.” 

Jack nodded, his eyes watering. “A daughter,” he said softly. 

By the time you were half an hour away from the hospital, it began to feel more real. Every so often, Jack would check the backseat, finding Frankie asleep every time. She slept soundly, and you almost recommended Jack do the same. He’d been up since really early, and you could tell he needed rest. 

Two hours towards home, you realized that would’ve been disastrous. 

Frankie started to cry, and almost immediately, Jack looked at you. “What’s going on?” He asked, eyes wide. “Is she okay?” 

You nodded. “She’s probably hungry,” you said, carefully pulling over and putting the car in park. “Her bottle is in the diaper bag.” 

Jack took a breath and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I got this.” 

He got out of the car and picked Frankie up, carrying her to the front seat with him. “That’s it,” he said softly, grabbing the bottle and beginning to feed her. 

You smiled, grabbing your phone to take a picture and send it to every single one of Jack’s coworkers who you had contact with.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked, barely looking up at you. 

“Giving Tequila sufficient blackmail,” you said with a smile. “And showing Ginger her new niece.” 

Jack made a face, laughing when he looked back at Frankie and found her copying his scrunched up face. “Aren’t you just a little troublemaker?” He said. “I know my mama can’t wait to meet you, bumblebee. How’s that sound? Wanna get spoiled by your abuelita?” 

You couldn’t help but smile at that. “Jack,” you said. “Put Frankie back in her car seat, I have to keep driving.” 

“Can I hold her for a bit?” Jack asked, looking up at you with his pleading puppy eyes. “Please?” 

Taking a deep breath, you sighed. “Fine,” you said. “But only for a little bit.” 

Jack smiled, twisting a bit so he could get himself buckled back in. As he did so, you turned the radio on, dialing the volume down a bit. 

You drove like that for a bit, with Jack cradling Frankie in the front seat. He hummed along to the radio, rocking Frankie as he hummed. Finally, the cursed song began to play, and Jack lit up. 

“Almost heaven, West Virginia. Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River. Life is old there, older than the trees. Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze,” he sang along softly with John Denver, and you smiled, turning the radio up a bit. Jack continued to sing, putting a gentle lull over the car as you continued your drive home, your tiny family of three comfortable and together at last. 

“Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong. West Virginia, mountain mama. Take me home, country roads.”

[bonjour-rainycity]

The Long Way Around ~ Chapter 7

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623403705475219456/the-long-way-around-chapter-6

Pairing: Jasper x Reader

Word count: 2208

Warnings: None

Y/n’s POV

It’s been around six months since I joined this new life. I can feel my newborn strength fading by the day, though my bloodlust does not show me the same mercy. I’ve yet to have a true encounter with a human, and I hope to avoid one for a very long time. I have no doubt in my mind that I would lose control. Jasper says it’s normal, that I’m doing well, and that I shouldn’t worry about the future and instead focus on improving today. Some days I believe him, some days I don’t. I guess it all comes with the territory of being thrust into a life you never thought could exist.

My case hasn’t had any leads since they arrested my assailant, though, since there’s no body to find, I don’t suppose I can assign any blame. I’m old news now, except for the occasional plea from my parents or a friend for anyone who knows something to come forward. Those break me every time. It pains me more than I ever thought possible to see the people I love hurting and know their hurting is in vain, but not be able to do anything to ease it because I will literally kill them. Carlisle and Esme have taken a few trips on my behalf, for which I am endlessly grateful. A run-in at the grocery store here or a quick drive by their house at night. It’s not much, and it hurts deeply to not be able to take the errands myself, but I think it would be worse not to know how they’re doing.

My self-control has gotten slightly better. I’m down to hunting only about once a week now. I fill my newfound free time with odds and ends. I read books, decorate my room, let Alice do my hair, work on learning Spanish, and play board games with the other vampires in the house. It’s nice to start seeing them more as friends rather than roommates. It certainly makes shoving myself into their daily life much more bearable.

Jasper still doesn’t let up with his constant babysitting of me, but I don’t mind it like I used to. In all honesty, we’ve become pretty great friends. He definitely knows me better than anyone else in the house, and I would seek out his company even if it wasn’t a necessity. Right now we’re reading through all the Harry Potter’s together just to pass the time. Esme was very encouraging of our project, even buying two copies of each book for us and one copy of each book in Spanish, to help with my studies. She’s so thoughtful. Jasper didn’t like the books at first, but at my and Bella’s behest, stuck with them. I think he had trouble getting into them because he didn’t grow up reading them. But now we’re on book five, and if we go more than two days without reading a chapter, he bugs me about it. It’s kinda cute. As both of us tend toward the introvert side of the spectrum, we spend much of our days in one of our rooms. Seldom are we apart, so it surprises me when he sends Emmett, Arthur, and Rosalie with me to hunt and doesn’t include himself. Hurt that I really hope he doesn’t notice pricks at me. He probably just needs a break, relax. You guys do spend a lot of time together…maybe you’re getting on his nerves. But I don’t protest outwardly, not wanting to seem annoying. Besides, I like everyone in my entourage just fine and spending quality time with them wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“Have fun. I’ll uh, see you later.” While Jasper’s voice is calm, he looks anywhere but my eyes.

I try not to let my hurt show, but I know he must feel it. “Okay, you too.”

He offers me a smile that seems strained.

Once more, I brush off my insecurities and follow Rosalie outside to meet the guys. Emmett is grinning broadly, wringing his hands together.

“Since we ditched the wet blanket, I thought we’d hunt something a little more fun today,” He proposes, a gleam in his eye. Despite my down mood, I can’t help but be terribly interested.

“What did you have in mind?”

{***}

Bears. Bears were what he had in mind. I let out a shout of exhilaration as I wrestle with a grizzly five times my size. It’s a ridiculously intoxicating feeling to grapple with one of nature’s most feared predators and come out on top. It makes me feel so capable. And, unsurprisingly, grizzly blood is leagues better than that of a puny deer. I make a commitment to do this much more often.

By the end of it, my clothes are history, but thankfully, Rosalie thought to pack a change in our backpacks. She leads me behind a tree to change, laughing when we hear growls from both men and bear. They’re nearly indistinguishable, and the difference wouldn’t be perceptible at all to human ears.

But Jasper’s absence is still bothering me. This seems like something he would love, and it’s weird that he seemed intent on avoiding it. Did I do something to upset him? I weigh my options, and decide Rosalie is a trustworthy enough person to risk asking. It’s better than not knowing and letting my insecurities run wild.

Still, I try to sound unaffected, not wanting to reveal how much I actually care. “I wonder why Jasper didn’t want to join? Bears are so much more fun.”

Not at all fooled, Rosalie chuckles. “Jasper had some business in town to attend to. He can’t take you with him, for obvious reasons, and I guess he thought the three of us wouldn’t be that bad of a trade.”

I nod, feeling a bit better. It’s just an errand then, nothing I did personally.

But Rosalie grins, not done with me yet. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I just hoped I wasn’t annoying him or something.” I shrug, wanting to exit this conversation as quickly as possible.

“Please, I don’t think Jasper could ever be annoyed by you.”

Wait, what? “What do you mean?”

Rosalie laughs, pulling a twig out of my hair. “He hangs onto your every word. He waits on you hand and foot.” When I don’t respond, Rosalie raises her eyebrows, disbelieving. “You really haven’t noticed?”

I shrug, quickly running through the past six months of my new life. “I guess I just thought it was his job.”

Rose scoffs and shakes her head. “No. Now that he knows your limits he really only needs to be with you when you hunt.” She shrugs. “He enjoys your company.” Then, with the teasing smirk of an older sister, she begins to walk away. “Do with that information what you will.”

She leaves me, and I stand, stunned. So for the past who knows how long, Jasper has chosen to spend all that time with me? The realization makes my dead heart feel something I don’t recognize, something tender. Since Edward’s not here it makes no sense to police my own thoughts. And, if I’m being honest with myself, I totally seek out Jasper’s company too, regardless of the need for oversight. With him, everything is just so natural; I feel perfectly at home in this completely strange life. I gulp, not really sure what that all means.

Thankfully, Emmett saves me from figuring it out at the moment.

“Hey kid, let’s go! It looks like it’s gonna rain.”

We speed home, all wary of Alice’s reaction if we were to ruin even more items of her carefully curated designer clothes.

As it is, she gives me a disapproving look the moment we walk through the door. “Next time, please wear something more expendable.”

I frown, feeling bad, and Arthur grabs Alice’s hand and distracts her with a kiss before she can chastise me further.

“Sorry, Alice.”

But she only smiles, all traces of a sour mood gone.

I can hear Jasper shuffling papers down in the basement and I automatically take a step in that direction. Then, I pause, deciding that it might be beneficial to test Rosalie’s theory. So instead, I drop my bag by the couch, turn on my heel, and head upstairs to my room. I pick book off my shelf and wait.

Not three minutes later I hear his steps on the stairs and his knock on the door.

“Hey, can I come in?”

I pat the spot on the bed beside me. “Of course. How was town?”

He raises his eyebrows.

I smile guiltily. “Rosalie mentioned you had business there.”

He chuckles and sits, seeming more comfortable now. “Yeah, town was good. Got everything taken care of.”

Now it’s my turn to raise my eyebrows, but it quickly becomes apparent that he does not intend to expand upon the term ‘business’, so I let it go. “Emmett took me bear hunting.”

Jasper grins and pulls his legs into a criss-cross, leaning his back against the wall. “What’d you think?”

“So much better than deer,” I enthuse. His grin widens. I make a face like I’m suddenly remembering something. “Oh, I left my bag downstairs. Be right back.”

And before I can even swing my legs off the bed, he’s standing, shaking his head. “No, you look comfortable. I got it.”

A thrill so strong I know he feels it rushes through me. Rosalie might not have been too far off. Still, I school my expression by the time he returns.

I express my appreciation and decide to try the next reaction I want to test. I recount, in excruciating detail, my bear hunt. And, just as Rosalie said, he hangs onto my every word. He laughs at each bad joke and grins at each clear exaggeration. He actually listens. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed this before.

And then I feel a little bad for experimenting on him without his knowledge, so I try to make up for it. “Is there anything you want to do tonight?”

He shakes his head immediately. “I’m fine with doing whatever.”

“No,” I laugh, grabbing his arm and giving it a light shake. “You always have to do what I do and you’re such a good sport. It’s my turn to try something you like.”

He thinks, and then smiles almost self-consciously. “Well, okay. There’s this cliff and waterfall  about eighty miles north of here that’s absolutely gorgeous. And, being virtually indestructible and all, it’s really fun to jump from the top and land in the pool of water beneath it. I haven’t been in forever.”

I smile as I stare up at him, game for anything he suggests. “Let’s do it.”

“Really? You’re sure?” I definitely am, but even if I wasn’t, his wide, excited beaming would make me say yes. It’s just too sweet to turn down.

“Absolutely.”

He stands then, evidently ready to put our plan in action. “Just don’t tell Esme.”

I want to question why, but suddenly remember Esme’s tragic experience with cliffs. I agree readily. As quietly as possible so as not to attract attention, we decide to gather our necessities and meet at the stairs in five minutes. I throw on a swimsuit Alice had the forethought to buy under an unassuming outfit. I grab one of my towels from the bathroom and toss it in my backpack. After a moment’s consideration, I add The Order of the Phoenix, feeling that it can’t hurt to bring it along. As planned, we join at the top of the stairs and walk slowly down, trying not to be too noticeable. But of course, it doesn’t work out that way, and we’re spotted the minute we make it to the kitchen.

“Where are you two going?” Esme’s question throws me off guard, and I panic.

“Hunting.”

Jasper eyes me clandestinely, obviously not pleased with my lack of improvisation finesse.

Emmett appears then, teasing. “What, bears not enough for you?”

Thankfully, Jasper’s at the top of his game. “Interacting with the humans in town today was a little much for me. I’d rather err on the side of caution.”

“What do you need Y/n for? To watch and shout encouragements?” Emmett laughs heartily at his own strange sense of humor.

Esme smiles, and I can’t tell if she fully believes us or not. Nevertheless, she lightly pushes on Emmett’s shoulder, directing him out of the kitchen with instructions to “leave us be”.

Once outside, I work to hold in my giggles until we’re out of earshot.

“Well, remind me to never involve you in a lie.” Jasper’s voice is teasing, and he pokes me lightly in my side.

I roll my eyes, unable to stop the laughter. “I panicked! I didn’t expect anyone to actually ask. Did they believe us though?”

Jasper shakes his head slowly, considering. “They were definitely suspicious. But for now, we’re in the clear. Just remind me to catch a deer or something on the way back so I won’t be a total fraud.”

I smile, mirth emboldening me to take his hand. And with that, we break into a run, excited to reach our destination.

A/n I work like every day this week so I probably should have spaced out posting these chapters. Whoops! Buuuut I’ve had a really fun time writing them and I’ve just been excited to get them out. So this week will probably be slower with the updates, sorry! Still, let me know what you thought about this chapter and if you would like to be added to the tag list!

xx, 

Bjr

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623575983503638528/the-long-way-around-chapter-8

Tag list: @puer-de-infinitate @charliestuff @hindustani-diaspora @one-thread-can-save-a-life @salsameter @enchantedcruelsummer @meashy-moo @sana-li

[chibinekochan]

Angel in hell  - part 2

Obey me! Angel Reader Au. 

Gen. reader insert. 

part 1 |

2k words

An angel in the Devildom? Well, this is nothing new. 

Together with exchange student veterans Simeon and Luke you get chosen to be an exchange student in the Devildom.

Due to an accident, you end up sharing the dorm with 7 demon brothers. 

The local demons are all acting very strange around you.  

Is this because you are an angel or is there a hidden reason?

______________________________

  "Mammon you will show them the room." Lucifer moved over to Diavolo. 

Mammon looks very surprised. "Wait why me? Come on don't do this to me!" He sounds very upset. 

"Don't waste my time and just do it." Lucifer just brushes Mammon off. 

"Let Satan do it, it was his fault after all." Mammon isn't done complaining. 

"Hey, why do you drag me into this?" Satan glares at Mammon. 

You watch the scene and feel pretty uncomfortable. The demons must hate angels. "It's alright just give me a map or something. I don't want to inconvenience any of you." You don't want them to hate you. 

"No, it's alright. I will lead you to your room." Satan looks a bit guilty. 

"Well, that's settled then." Lucifer just seems glad that the discussion is over. 

You feel a bit better after hearing this.

  "Alright, then we should grab some of the luggage and then go to our rooms, and don't forget to give me your new numbers later." Simeon reminds you and Luke. You had almost forgotten about the new phone that you received.

You follow after Simeon, with Satan and Mammon in toe. They walk a bit behind you like they keep a distance from you on purpose. 

You grab your most essential luggage, knowing that the rest will be delivered later.

You start to pull your suitcase when Mammon steps in front of you. 

"I can take that for you… If it's too heavy for you…" Mammon tries to be nice. 

You appreciate the effort. " Thank you... Umm Mammon was your name right?" You give him a polite smile. 

"Y-yeah that's right." Mammon stutters for a moment and is unable to look at your face. For a moment it seemed like he is in pain. 

"We should go. I have dinner duty tonight. So we should hurry up." Satan seems to bring Mammon out of his daze. 

You wonder what that was about. Maybe he was insulted that you weren't sure about his name? 

"You take turns with dinners, right? Simeon told me about that. I can cook too so it won't be an issue for me. I might need some demon recipes though." You try to lighten the mood a little bit, at least. 

"I have some cookbooks you can borrow some and I can help you… I

I mean if you want to." Satan offers with such kindness, you wonder why he seemed so defensive earlier. 

"That would be very nice of you." You smile at him. You truly feel grateful to be included like this. Maybe they are not bad after all? 

"Don't worry about it. I mean it's not like we…" Satan stops himself, a shadow crosses his face. "I mean we aren't as bad as you might think." Satan glosses over this.

  You wonder what he tried to tell you. 

"Yeah, I'm sure we will get along just fine. Not just us both, I want to become friends with you all, if possible." You say this mainly to encourage yourself. 

You can see Mammon almost jump in the corner of your eye. He doesn't add anything to the conversation. 

"Here we are, this is… your room." Mammon stops in front of the door. His voice is unusually quiet.

He has a sad expression while his hand stops just over the door knop. Then he takes a breath and opens the door.

  Inside you can see Beelzebub. With a stack of boxes. 

You are confused but don't say anything.

  "What are you doing?" Satan seems to be just as confused as you are. 

"I just wanted to move….you know their belongings out of the room…" Beel seems to fight with something. 

"Come on, we talked about this. This isn't supposed to be a museum." Mammon sounds frustrated. 

"I know… I, I just can't bear the thought that even this will get destroyed… we only have this much left." Beel looks towards the boxes. The atmosphere gets heavy again. 

Your eyes wander between the boys. They all seem to be in so much pain. 

"I don't know what is going on but... If I shouldn't be here then I won't stay. I won't tell Lucifer." You feel bad for them. Seeing them like this breaks your heart. 

"No, don't do that! I mean I will just put these in storage." Beel shoots the idea down with almost harshly sounding words. 

"Yeah don't feel bad. It's not your fault." Satan looks at you, with a kind expression. 

"Yeah, it's your fault…" Beel glares at Satan for a moment. "I will go and bring these away now." Beel grabs the whole stack of boxes and carries them like they are nothing.

  It's pretty impressive to you. 

Satan's expression has clouded over. "I'm sorry… It's just very hard on him." 

"It's alright. I won't pry but I guess this room. It is somehow very important to you all. I promise to take good care of it." You honestly don't want them to feel any worse than they already do. 

"I know you will." Satan smiles gently. For a moment it seems like he is about to pat your head but drops his hand. 

“Well duh...I mean you are an angel and all ummmmm...I think we should go now and let you unpack…” Mammon seems to be uneasy.

“Thank you both for showing me the room.” You gracefully bow to them.

“No problem. Oh, and if you need anything you can call me anytime.” Satan smiles lightly.

“Same here...I mean as long as it's not like 3 am or something...unless you are in trouble. Just call me, okay?” Mammon seems unsure of how to word things the right way. 

"Sure, I will call you if I need help. If you need anything you can call me too." You want to be kind to Mammon too. It only seems right. 

"If you offer him that, he will never stop calling you." Satan chuckles lightly. 

"Hey, don't act like I'm unreliable! You know I'm not right?!" Mammon seems offended and looks at you like he expects you to agree. You look confused to Mammon. 

"Ah right, you don't know that…" Mammon sighs. Satan pats him on his shoulder. 

"We will go now and let you unpack. Just call if you need someone to lead you to the dining." Satan kindly offers you and you nod. 

"Thank you both." You give them both a kind smile and they seem a bit uneasy.

  Then they leave your room and you start unpacking. 

Demons sure are strange.

  You are done unpacking and feel rather hungry. You decide to find the kitchen by yourself. 

You wander around for a while but don't have any luck. 

Then you realize that you don't even know where you are. 

You need a map.

  Lost as you are, you find yourself in front of a dorm room. So you hope, pray and knock. 

"Password." You can hear the muffled voice of Levi inside. 

"Sorry, I don't know the password. I just need some help." You hope that he will just help you. 

"You should know the password… Oh-Oh, wait no YOU don't know it… This is such a bad idea." Inside his room, Levi seems to argue with himself. 

You hear the door open and Levi standing behind the door. He doesn't even look at you. 

"Thank you for opening the door. I fear that I got lost." You feel very sorry for bothering Levi. 

"How could you get lost? Oh, wait… Well, where do you need to go?"  Levi seems to be rather unwilling to help you.

"I need to find my room and the kitchen…" You admit a bit shyly. 

"Hold on, I will just draw you a map." Levi leaves you standing. He seems pretty cold towards you. 

You can take a peek into his room, it's filled to the brim with strange stuff. You have seen similar things somewhere before. 

Your eyes then find a big map on the wall."Oh, that's the world map from tsl." You are pleasantly surprised to see it.

  Levi turns to you, and suddenly his face lights up. "Do you still remember tsl? It's hard to forget. I mean I still watch it all the time. I have some new super limited Henry merch." Levi seems suddenly very excited. 

"Tsl is very popular in heaven. So Henry is your favorite character?" You think it's a good thing that you have found some common ground. 

"Yeah of course! I mean that will never change. Do you still remember Henry in that one scene between him and the 2nd lord, that was so amazing? I still get cold chills just by thinking about it." Levi seems to vividly remember the whole thing. 

"Sorry, I have only read the books so far I'm sure it's very amazing." You almost feel bad telling Levi that. 

"We already… I-I mean we-we could watch it again. I mean for the first time ever. Ahhh I'm so bad at this just ignore all of this." Levi seems flustered all of a sudden. 

You don't understand why he behaves like this. "I would like to watch the tsl anime with you." You feel like it will be a very interesting experience. 

"You would? Oh wow… You-You are still… I-I m-mean you are so nice… don't mind me I talk nonsense all the time." Levi almost seems to sweat. 

Maybe he just has issues talking to people or angels? You don't mind either way.

  "I look forward to it." You give him a polite smile. 

Levi let's out some incoherent silebels. 

He then takes a deep breath. “Same here...umm here's the map...I would go with you but that it just wouldn't fit in my schedule? Yeah, that sounds about right...I mean I'm a very busy demon.” Levi's eyes shift like crazy around the room.

“Thank you for taking the time to help me.” You are grateful regardless of Levi's strange behavior.   

Levi laughs a bit awkwardly and you leave his room.

  With the map in hand, you make your way into the kitchen.

You hear some strange noises from inside of the kitchen. It sounds like someone making a huge ruckus.

Carefully you peek into the room.

  You see Beel ransacking the fridge. It looks like a disaster zone. 

You wonder if you should just leave. He looks rather busy after all.

Then your stomach starts to rumble. Talk about bad timing.

  Beel turns to you. If you expect him to be mad or something, you are proven wrong.

He looks way kinder than before.

  “Oh hey there. I'm sorry about earlier...I was pretty mean, right? Here umm a cookie...I haven't eaten it yet so Ummm you can have it.” Beel seems to be very sorry and he holds the cookie out for you. 

You think it's a sweet gesture, take it. 

"It's alright. We all have bad days. I will not hold it against you." You don't know why Beel was so upset. He seems completely different now. 

"You are very nice." Beel gives you a genuine smile, it makes you smile back at him. 

Then your stomach rumbles again. 

"You should eat that before you faint. Wait, that's something that only happens to me. Well, regardless you should eat." Beel seems concerned. 

You do just that. "It tastes really good." You are a bit surprised. This is the first demon food that you ever had. 

"Yeah I know how...they are very tasty." It seems like Beel wanted to say something else but then corrects himself.

You nod a bit confused and finish the cookie. "Do you need some help cleaning this up?" You don't know what caused this mess, even when it seems likely that it was Beel. 

"Thanks for the offer but I

I should clean this myself. It's my mess after all." Beel declines but his voice are softer than before. 

"I will gladly help you Beel and together it will go faster anyway." You insist on it.

  Beel nods, a little bit troubled, and then lets you help him clean up. He does most of the work though.

    Then you head back to your room for a while.

   Check my Obey me! Masterlist for more content

[brooklynboysficrecs]

Ria’s Top 10 Shrinkyclinks Fics

I will admit this isn’t my preferred AU -- I won’t immediately jump on a fic just because it’s pre-serum Steve and WS Bucky. I gotta like the plot, or the premise, or be really, really intrigued by the tags, but to be fair, that’s how I am with everything that isn’t Modern Bucky and Cap Steve, so. That being said, I have read some truly fantastic shrinkyclinks stories, and I do very much love Steven “Fight Me” Rogers at his scrappiest. And these fics also tend to feature protective!Bucky which is another personal favorite of mine. Oh, but also: shrinkyclinks generally refers to pre-serum Steve with actual Winter Soldier Bucky, but a lot of people use the tag just to imply body types, and when they say WS Bucky they mean he’s all huge and muscled and sometimes has a metal arm, though that isn’t required. That’s the definition I’m going with as well, so hopefully nothing’s confusing!

1. If Wishing Made It So by leveragehunters. Before I get into anything about the actual fic, let me say this: leveragehunters is probably my favorite stucky writer. Like, hands-down, I read almost everything they write, and they’re big into fantasy stories, which is a great bonus for me personally. So, so, so many good shrinkyclinks fics by them (Even Underneath the Waves, a mermaid AU that features equal amounts of pre- and post-serum Steve, and A-mage-ing Grace with mage Steve are two of my other favorites, and they would’ve been on the list, but I try not to put more than one story per author, ya know? And IWMIS kinda wins out above the others for me, so). This story features jinn!Bucky who finds himself in the baffled hands of Steve Rogers, who is perfectly prickly and stubborn and good. Bucky’s got a terrible past with humans in general (and Hydra in particular, what a shocker) that he and Steve have to overcome as their relationship progresses, but that progression is frankly beautiful to watch unfold. I come back to this story time and time again because of how much I love these versions of Steve and Bucky getting to know one another, learning to trust each other, supporting each other through the worst the world has to throw at them. Plus, there’s a few more stories in this series if you get as hooked as I am, which is always great!!

2. Roots Have Grown by AustinB. I remember reading this and just... completely feeling what Bucky is going through. Not everything -- he’s an agoraphobic veteran, and I can’t relate to either of those, really, but he’s so... awkward about his crush on Steve. And that’s -- that’s relatable to me. But it’s precious, really, how he tries to help Steve even though he’s afraid to actually meet him initially; he becomes Steve’s sort of... anonymous benefactor? Guardian angel with money? Like, it’s definitely a sugar daddy type deal originally but I doubt Bucky would describe it like that. I don’t know, it’s cute, though, and I loved seeing Bucky opening up to Steve as they became closer. 

3. Through The Woods by VenusMonstrosa, alby_mangroves. Okay, hear me out: werewolves. I fucking love werewolves in fiction; I mean, not really the romance novels you’ll see in the grocery store, but. Werewolf mythology is one of my favorite things, so seeing it in fanfiction almost always manages to lure me in. And I was so not disappointed with this story! Steve’s living alone in a cabin in the woods, which of course sounds like the opening to a horror movie, but here it leads to love. Werewolf Bucky is both charming and terrifying, to a degree, he’s a wolf, but he and Steve are fantastic together. This is another story that goes in on the trust aspect of their relationship and I for one am a big fan of that. There’s some violence, minor character death and the like, but it’s definitely not undeserved so. If you can handle that (and the sex, because there is sex in this) then I highly recommend this one!

4. The Joy of Little Things by obsessivereader, Sealcat. And so we move from werewolves to dragons. Yup. Dragons. Another of my beloved mythical creatures that I obsessed over when I was kid. Bucky’s capable of shifting into a human in this, but primarily he’s a big ol’ dragon that surprisingly doesn’t want to eat the scrawny sacrifice from the local village. Steve ends up working for Bucky, instead, and from there hilarity ensues. Steve’s obviously wary of Bucky, but Bucky isn’t at all what he’d been expecting, and they grow closer the longer Steve’s staying in Bucky’s caves. There are a couple of stories with Dragon!Bucky, but this is my personal favorite; it’s cute and heart-warming and, well. I just really like it. 

5. I Just Want to Love You in My Own Language by agetwellcard, inediblesushi. So this one has Cap!Bucky (Bucky!Cap?) but again, sometimes it’s more about how Bucky looks rather than his role as the Winter Soldier. Anyway, I remember my biggest take away from this story was how adorable Bucky was in his quest to win the affections of sassy Nurse Steve, who patches him up after missions and is probably playing hard to get. Bucky uses terrible pick-up lines, absolutely awful, and he is completely unashamed of that fact. Which is, as I said, adorable. Steve, initially, does not agree with my assessment, but he gets there eventually. After some requisite drama, of course.

6. Tint & Shade by forestofbabel. Oh, god, this one hurt me, I remember that pretty clearly. Bucky is the Winter Soldier in this, and Steve is a 21st century art therapist who just so happens to resemble his late grandfather, Captain Joseph Rogers, who fought in -- you guessed it -- WWII. Like I said in the intro, if I really like the premise of something I’ll usually read it regardless of the configuration of pre-/post-serum Steve and pre-serum/WS Bucky, and this was definitely one of the fics I got into for that reason. Having actual WS Bucky interact with a modern pre-serum Steve is always interesting, given how much they don’t have in common, generally (there isn’t even really the veteran status that modern Bucky sometimes has in fics), and it’s a journey to see how and why they connect. Having Steve resemble his WWII era grandfather caught my attention, and the fic itself made me grateful that I decided to go for it in the first place. This is another one where is trust is key to their relationship, considering the mental/emotional state Bucky is in at the beginning. Very good story overall!

7. Fourth Floor by dirtybinary, mithborien, picoalloe. So dirtybinary has written some amazing stucky fics, which is why I was so excited when I saw this being posted initially (a few years ago, but still). There’s magic! Mystery! Suspense! Some NatSharon! Looking this over, I’m wondering if I should’ve saved it for the Urban Fantasy list I wanna do (and If Wishing Made It So, if I’m being honest) but I do like it for the shrinkyclinks list. The writing is great, the characterization of Steve and Bucky is great, and like, they live in what is essentially a magical apartment complex, so what’s better than that? 

8. my heart tells me you are lonely, too by FanGirling. Alright, so I read this one as it was being published, and the slow burn about killed me. You know, in a good way, though. Bucky lives in Steve and his mother’s apartment building, trying to figure out where to go with his life now that he’s broken free of Hydra and gotten his autonomy back. He’s obviously wary, skittish, but he takes a liking to Sarah Rogers when she reaches out to befriend him, surprised anyone wants to be near him let alone take the time to get to know him. Steve... is not so easily sold on Bucky. And I’m not gonna spoil anything here, but the shit these two go through is intense, and I cried a lot during this fic, sometimes out of frustration because they’re both ridiculous about their feelings (of course Bucky’s fears are valid, the man has been through literal hell, but also I was internally screaming a little as Bucky continually talked himself out of getting closer to Steve.) I wanted to wrap the both of them in about thirty blankets for pretty much the entire length of the fic. God. They’re just -- they’re so incredibly sweet in this one, once they work past their issues (Bucky and Steve are both more than a little messed up from their respective circumstances, but they make it work). Mind the tags on this one, also, especially because there is a chapter that deals with attempted sexual assault against Steve (obviously not with Bucky!), but Bucky handles the situation before anything truly nasty happens, that I can promise. 

9. Local Raccoon Befriends Angry Chihuahua by charlesdk. This is yet another author I really love; they have a fantastic farmer!Steve/Modern!WS!Bucky story that I love to bits, as well as other great fics. But anyway, this one. The title sold me the second I saw it, honestly, I can’t even pretend that wasn’t the deciding factor in me reading this. I don’t think I can really do any better than the summary in explaining why I recommend it; feisty tiny Steve and lovestruck grumpy Bucky are a winning combination in my book. This one does feature the boys dealing with homophobia and ableism, though I can’t recall how severe it is. So I’d just mind the tags, and if you’re alright with them, thoroughly enjoy this story. 

10. The Road to Hell is Paved with Tony’s Good Intentions by pinlilli. Bucky as a mail-order Russian bride. That’s the detail that pretty much demanded I click on this fic, and oh my god, it was even better than I ever could’ve expected. Tony, in a bid to help Steve get over his awful ex-boyfriend (fuck Brock Rumlow in every universe, honestly), literally orders him a husband -- in the form of beefy James Barnes, who is a fucking gem and I will not hear one bad word against him. He does chores, it’s lovely and adorable, and you will definitely fall just as hard as Steve does. There’s some canon-typical violence in this one that relates to James’ past, but nothing super graphic as far as I remember. Again, Rumlow is a dick and should be treated as such, but he’s hardly the most important part of this fic and I urge everyone to take a look at it if they’re as intrigued by Bucky being a mail-order husband as I was. 

[bethsakura]

currently untitled | prologue | atsumu x reader

A/N: Hiya, there! Beth here! I wanted to add a quick disclaimer because I’m absolutely terrible at starting stories =v= I tend to get a bit ahead of myself, so my apologies if the beginning of this feels awkward. That’s probably because I’m awkward and I’m really good at portraying that through my work :D 

Anyhow, I really hope you all like this prologue! It’s basically just a bunch of set up for the initial story, but I tried to make it as interesting as possible >:3 If you want to follow along with the story through music, I have a playlist over on spotify! Each song roughly inspires the chapters, and it’s kind of how I figured out what I was going to write about. There isn’t a song for this first part, but i figured I’d go ahead and link it anyways ;P

Now, enough of my babbling. I really hope you enjoy the story!

Much love! - Beth

Prologue - A Strange Meeting

Miya Atsumu - the worst first impression you ever had of someone was attached to that name. When you first met him, you definitely thought he was one of the most annoying people on the face of the earth. Not that your opinion of him had changed much over time, but you had gotten to know him a bit better. Regardless, that initial meeting with the fiery boy was a memory you were sure could never leave you. 

“Y/n, you need to choose a club,” stated your father one night at dinner. Your heart sank and your face turned red. A slight burning sensation began to build in your chest. Not one of passion, no; more so one filled with anxiety. It had been two weeks since the start of school and most of the clubs were established. To find one that was accepting new members would prove difficult. 

You mentally screamed at yourself for taking your sweet time about this decision. On the first day of school, you were already busy with other commitments: going home and spending your precious time alone. Your goal in high school was to avoid friendships and focus on your studies. You had been burnt one too many times by those awful people in middle school, and there was no way you were going to let that happen again. People had tried talking to you, but you typically politely dismissed them. 

“Y/n?” Your dad pulled you back from your racing thoughts. You shifted your weight in your seat a bit. Who on earth would be accepting new members at this time? 

“I can try to find one. I, uh, might have waited until past the acceptance date, though…” you start, and your father scowls at you upon hearing this information. Your mother looks sympathetic towards you but disappointed, nonetheless. Something in your mind switches and you sit up straight in your seat. You cannot let them worry about this, you decide. You wouldn’t want them getting too involved in your school life. So, you dig some confidence from deep within you and declare, “I will find a club to join! Don’t worry about me, I’m sure someone is accepting new members!”

There was actually zero confidence in those words, but you couldn’t let them see that.

The next day you began asking around your class to see if anyone knew of clubs with open positions; and, just as you suspected, there were little to none. 

As you sat at your desk you heaved a sigh and lay your head atop your books. You hit it a little harder than intended, but maybe someone would notice and offer some advice. You weren’t one to bring attention to yourself, but right now you desperately needed it. 

And, of course, you were successful. 

Someone made their way up to you and tapped you lightly on the shoulder. You craned your neck to the side, not lifting your head. A silver and black-haired boy with beautiful brown eyes stood before you, his face straight and posture being practically perfect. You were a tad intimidated by him, so you lifted your head and straightened up. “Hi,” you spoke softly.

“Hello. My name is Shinsuke Kita, a second-year here. You must be L/n F/n, yes?” he spoke concisely with a tone of authority. You had no clue who he was, but suddenly you wanted to impress him. You started to stare, lost in thought when you noticed his eyebrows furrow slightly. 

“Oh, uh, yes. That’s me!” You said, nervously. You almost tripped over your words but caught yourself before it could happen. Good lord, what powers does this guy have?! You thought to yourself. 

“I am part of the volleyball club and I was told to inform you we have a manager position open. Our team captain has said you are welcome to jo-”

“WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!” you blurted out as you stood up from your desk. Kita did not waver, standing perfectly still and holding eye contact with you the entire time. This guy must not be phased by anything, you thought to yourself. Kita then extended his arm out, handing you a paper. It read, ‘Inarizaki High School Volleyball Club Member Application.’ You bowed sweetly, taking the paper from him. 

“Thank you very much! I’ll be sure to bring it to you by the end of the day!” you exclaimed, then sitting down you grabbed a pen and began to fill out the form. 

“Feel free to stop by this evening. Practice begins about forty-five minutes after school. I’ll be in class 2-7 if you need anything,” said Kita. He gave a small wave and then walked out of the classroom calmly. That guy is terrifying, you thought to yourself. You then turned back to your paper and began scribbling as quickly as possible.

≻ ───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

Before you knew it, the end of school hit. You gathered your belongings in a rush and then ran out of the classroom, making your way towards the gym. The wind flew through your hair, rustling it everywhere. You thought maybe it looked like you were in some shoujo manga, but in reality, it made you look like you hadn’t brushed your hair in five days. 

Once you got to the gym you began to slow to a walk. It was only 3:20, and practice wouldn’t begin for another 40 minutes or so. I got so excited that I arrived way too early. Great job, Y/n. Now you look desperate, you thought to yourself. You prayed the gym was open so that you could at least sit in there for a little while and study or something. Your hand reached for the door handle and pulled ever so slightly. The door slid to your right and you heaved a sigh of relief. However, to your embarrassment, someone was already in the gym.

A tall boy, maybe around six feet or so, with an athletic stature, golden hair, and hazel eyes turned to meet your gaze. He was absolutely stunning. You thought maybe you had seen him before, but… well, he looked different than how you remembered him. His hair color seemed to be different in your memory, as well as the way he stood and-

“Take a picture if you must, but don’t stand there just starin’, miss,” said the boy with a bite in his words. Your eyes widened at his rude remark, and your stare only deepened. You didn’t move, held your breath, and just stood motionless in the doorway.

“Hello? Earth to miss girl?” He waved his hand. You didn’t budge. “Good lord, come in or stay outside, doesn’t matter to me either way. Just close the door,” he said, rolling his eyes. This got your attention. You stepped inside and made your way into the room, leaving the door wide open. I’ll jab at him just a little because that was completely uncalled for, you thought. He watched you walk down the court, making your way to a bench and sitting down, matter of factly. His expression was completely and totally disgusted.

“Oi, didn’t I say to close the door?” he huffed, making his way over to you. He stood before you, a hand on his hip and an annoyed look plastered across your face. You looked up at him, then stood up boldly. You then turned around and stood on the bench you were previously sitting on. You turned back to face him, both hands on your hips, leaning down to meet his gaze. 

“You didn’t ask politely,” you said, a harsh tone in your words. He looked extremely flabbergasted, annoyed, and offended. You smirked, stood up straight, and crossed your arms. He then smirked in return. This slightly confused you, but you didn’t let him catch on to this. 

“I like you,” he said, pointing up to you. You smiled brightly, still keeping the high ground over him. “Atsumu Miya, pleased to meetcha’. And you are?” He extended his hand out to help you down. You accepted the offer, hopping down from the bench. Not breaking the gaze.

“L/n, F/n. You can call me L/n. I don’t trust you yet with my first name,” you said, intending to jab at him a little. Of course, he retorted back with, “And you can call me Miya. Don’t trust ya yet with my first name.”

Laughter filled the nearly empty gym, and the two of you walked to the door together. “So, what class are ya in?” he asked.

“1-3. Yourself?” you said, a competitive tone in your voice. His face dropped slightly. He muttered under his breath, but you didn’t quite hear him. “Care to speak up, Miya?”

“...1-2,” he said in an embarrassed voice. You burst into laughter, being a bit dramatic with your reaction. 

“Looks like I beat ya!” you exclaimed, throwing up a peace sign and smiling brightly. He rolled his eyes, scoffing at your happy go lucky attitude.

Wait a minute, what’s up with me? You thought to yourself. You let him go on to the door to close it, and you made your way back to the bench. I’m not a particularly competitive person. I’m not near this outgoing on a usual basis, either. Do these volleyball boys have some special powers or..? 

“Oi, why are you here, anyway?” There he was again with that biting tone. You rolled your eyes and met his gaze once again. He seemed to be genuinely curious based on his expression. He didn’t seem to be angry or annoyed… What was with this guy?

“I’m going to be your new manager,” you said confidently. You didn’t know if the confidence was false or not, but you wanted to figure that out. 

“Oh..?” Atsumu said curiously. 

“Yes. I have my application in my bag, and today is my first day,” you replied.

“Well,” said the boy, smiling at you sweetly, “welcome to Inarizaki’s volleyball club. Try to keep up,” he said, winking. 

A chill ran down your spine and a fire ignited in your chest. This time, it wasn’t one filled with anxiety. No, this one was most definitely one filled with passion. 

[hamiltonimagines]

I Like You a Latte

Pairing: Phillipa x Reader

Request: “Hey! Can you do a Phillipa coffee shop au please? :)” - @multifandomwriterx

Word Count: 2k

I stepped into the warm, inviting coffee shop and looked around. I had just gotten off of work and desperately needed some caffeine. There had been a different coffee shop I went to everyday that had just closed down, so I figured I’d give this one a try.

I walked up to the counter and ordered an iced latte. I waited a few minutes and then was handed my drink. I looked around for a seat and saw none that were open. Then I saw a table that had one girl at it, she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

I figured that I may as well introduce myself. I walked over towards her, carefully.

“Umm excuse me, is this seat taken? All the other tables are full” I asked, politely. “No no, sit please” she said, smiling back at me. Her voice sounded so sweet and soothing.

I sat across from her and put down my drink. “I’m Y/N, by the way” I said, extending my hand to shake hers. She gladly shook my hand and said “I’m Phillipa, but my friends call me Pippa”.

She exuded happiness and was like a walking ball of sunshine. “That’s a really pretty name” I complimented her. “Thank you, so are you new here?” She asked me.

“Yeah, I used to go to the Espresso Café every day after work. It’s that coffee shop a few blocks from here. But they closed down, so I’ve been looking for a new place to get some much needed caffeine” I explained. “I come here everyday. I’ve always loved the atmosphere” she said, smiling.

“I can’t blame you, this feels like the perfect place to curl up and read a book” I said, not being able to help but admire her beauty. She seemed like a person that you could always rely on for anything.

“Well I can assure you, I have definitely done that and it’s as magical as it sounds” she mentioned.

She went back to working on her laptop and I pulled out my phone and responded to some emails. We both worked in peace for what seemed like hours. She had a really calming presence, I just wanted to stay with her forever.

“So I should get going, but maybe I’ll see you tomorrow” she said, winking and leaving the shop. I couldn’t help but blush and start to look forward to the next time I could see her.

I then noticed that she left her book on the table. I looked around and realized she was already gone. I guess I would just give it to her tomorrow. I picked up the book to see what she was reading. Before I could read the cover, a piece of paper fell out.

I picked it up and it read “Soooooo I was way to nervous to do this in person, but I think you’re really pretty and I really hope you’ll keep coming to the coffee shop. Here’s my number, I really hope you’ll use it”.

I instantly felt my cheeks start to heat up and I couldn’t believe what I was reading. She really thought I was pretty, it felt too good to be true. I sat there, thinking about her infectious smile and how much I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I finished my coffee and put her book in my bag, so that I could remember to return it tomorrow.

I went home and fell asleep, wondering what would happen tomorrow.

I was currently sitting at my desk at work. I kept checking the clock to see when it would be time to go. I only had twenty minutes left of my shift, and that meant twenty minutes until I could see Pippa again.

Then my boss walked up to my desk. “Y/N, so remember when I let you leave early a few weeks ago” he said. He wasn’t the best boss, but I needed the job. “You didn’t let me leave early, I used my personal time off, I had a doctors appointment” I defended myself.

“Well regardless, I need you to stay late today” he said, smugly. “Wait, no I have plans” I told him. “Well, I need all these forms entered into the database, then you can leave” he said and he placed a huge folder on my desk.

I checked the clock again and began diligently entering the forms. I looked down and saw that it was time for me to leave and I should be seeing Pippa soon. I had only gone through half of the forms. I picked up the pace and began to work even faster.

I finally finished and saw that it was fifteen minutes after when I was supposed to leave. What if Pippa left? What if she thought I stood her up?

I grabbed my bag and raced to the coffee shop. Through the window, I saw Pippa, looking disappointed and stirring her coffee, silently. I finally stopped running, and fixed my hair and walked into the shop.

Pippa and I made eye contact and I saw her eyes light up. I smiled back and walked over and sat down across from her.

“For a minute, I didn’t think you were coming” she said, looking relieved. “I’m so sorry, my jerk boss held me late. But I’m here now. Oh yeah and I have your book” I said, smirking and I handed it back to her.

She took it from my hand and I said “I’m going to go get a coffee”. She looked confused, she probably thought I hadn’t even seen her note. While I was in line, I saw her open the book to see if her note was still there.

Her eyes went wide when she saw that I had replaced her note with one of my own. I had written “To Pippa, aka the gorgeous girl from the coffee shop, I am so flattered and I would say that our feelings are mutual. I really hope we get to spend more time together, you radiate positivity whenever you’re around”.

She looked over at me and we made eye contact and we both just smiled and giggled to ourselves.

I sat back down with her and we just talked for hours. We eventually had to part ways, but I knew I would see her again.

*2 weeks later*

I had just gotten home from coffee with Pippa and I set down my purse on my bed. I went to grab my phone out of my purse and saw that there was a book in my bag. I was confused, it wasn’t my book and I then recognized it as the book Pippa and I had put notes in, she must of slipped it in when I wasn’t paying attention.

I grabbed it and saw a note. It said “I’m coming to your place at 7. Be ready, I’m finally going to take you on the date of your dreams! -Pip”.

I smiled to myself, Pippa and I had only ever had coffee together and I was so excited to finally go on a date.

I put on a summer dress with a jean jacket and Pippa was right on time. I opened the door when she knocked. “You look stunning” she complimented me. “Thank you, you look beautiful too” I told her, honestly.

She took me out to dinner and we had an amazing time. We went for icecream afterwards and just talked about anything that came to mind. She was so enjoyable to be around. She lit up any room and she made me really happy.

When I got home, I took the first note that Pippa ever gave me and I put it in a frame and placed it on my desk.

*3 years later*

Pippa and I have been dating for 3 years and it’s been such a blessing to be able to call her mine. I’ve seen all of her broadway shows on opening night. I got to meet all of her Hamilton castmates. We even got a dog that we named Peaches.

We lived in an apartment in NYC and I was currently sitting on our couch with Peaches, while scrolling through my phone.

“Hey are you busy?” Pippa asked me, as she walked in the room. “No, why do you ask? Do you want to go on a spontaneous trip to France? Because I have a meeting tomorrow that I can’t miss” I joked with her. “You are such a dork, put on your shoes” she said, laughing.

“You know you love me” I said as I slipped on my shoes and stood up. “I do love you, so much” she said and she slowly leaning and kissed me, softly. I fell more and more in love with her every time she kissed me.

“So where are we going?” I asked her, as she grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. “It’s a surprise” she said, with a smirk on her face:

We started walking down the street and eventually Pippa covered my eyes and she lead me what felt like maybe a block down the street.

She uncovered my eyes and I saw that coffee shop where we met, three years ago.

“Oh my god, we haven’t been here in so long” I said in awe. We both walked in and that familiar, inviting atmosphere flooded my senses. “It hasn’t changed one bit” Pippa said, with a smile on her face.

Pippa ordered for us while I looked around and took it all in. I couldn’t believe I was back here. It had been so long and it was weird to think that this place was responsible for me and Pippa meeting.

“Oh look, our table is open” I said pulling her with me, once she had gotten our drinks. We sat down at the booth were we had spent many weeks, talking for hours.

“It’s amazing to be back here. This is a really good surprise” I told her. “I remember when you sat down with me, all I could think about was how pretty you were. I pretended like I was working on my laptop, but I was looking up ways to try and ask you out. I couldn’t work up the nerve. The only thing I could think of was saying “I like you a latte”. It felt too cheesy, so I decided to write it in a book. I guess it worked out though” she said smiling as we both reminisced.

“That is so sweet. I remember thinking you were gorgeous and I thought it was a joke when I read your note, I didn’t know how a girl you like you liked me” I told her. “Oh that reminds me, I have a book that I think you should read” she said, pulling a book out of her purse.

She grabbed the book and handed it to me. I held it in my hands and looked at the front cover, it was the original book that Pippa had left behind. This book was one of our favorites and we read it all the time. It held so much sentimental value, since it was the book she gave me.

“Pip, I don’t understand. We’ve both read this thousands of times already” I said, confused. Then it dawned on me. It had to have a note in it. Why else would she give it to me?”

I opened the book and saw a note, as I suspected. I held the note and read it, it said “Dear Y/N, the love of my life, I’ve loved you since we met. Will you marry me?”

Instantly, there were tears in my eyes and I looked up at her and she was holding a ring. “So, will you marry me?” She asked me. “Yes yes of course” I said, through the tears. We both had the biggest smiles on our faces. She slipped the ring on my finger.

I stood up and pulled her into a kiss. We pulled away and we just stared into each other’s eyes and I felt like I was on cloud nine.

[tigerkirby215]

I’m a particular fan of wasting my time so I decided to rate all the Half-Feats for no real reason

(Artwork from the Acquisitions Incorporated 5th Edition sourcebook, because I can’t just use artwork from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything.)

If you have been around my blog for any lengthy period of time you will know two things about me.

I often fall into flights of fancy mostly under the guise of attempting to branch out with this blog, even though the real reason is that I wish to publicize any and all work I do for this hobby.

I really like half-feats.

And who could blame me (at least for the second point.) It’s always exciting when you can get a feat, and half-feats allow you to round out a stat of your choice while still allowing you to diversify your character with unique abilities to make them your own. Feats are always strong and even the most basic half-feat still provides you with unique traits to differentiate yourself from the standard adventurer. But it can be hard to choose when they are all so diverse which is why I’m making this list for myself and anyone who may find it useful.

I would also like to thank LudicSavant from the Giant in the Playground forums for their organized list of Half-Feats. It has made the creation of this list far easier and I frequently reference it when making builds.

WHAT IS A HALF-FEAT?

For the sake of understanding (because the last time I used the term “half-feat” on Reddit a lot of people got confused) I will define a half-feat here: A half-feat is any feat that gives half of an ability score improvement (+1 to a given stat) along with its regular features. They are obviously good choices for any player with an uneven stat, as they can make that stat even (for the increase in ability modifier) while also gaining an additional bonus.

HOW IS THIS LIST ORGANIZED

This post is split into 6 sections, one for each stat. (Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma.) The feats are organized in alphabetical order. Basically I’m lifting the formatting from LudicSavant.

Each feat will be shown as follows:

FEAT NAME

Description

Summary

Rating

Feats that can be applied to varied ability scores will be mentioned multiple times, however unless the feat changes based on the ability score chosen the entry will simply be shown as a redirect to where it was summarized earlier.

And I guess it also has to be said: This list is just my opinion and is in no way an objective ranking of the half-feats that currently exist in D&D 5th Edition. Feel free to make your own decisions when designing your character: this post is merely meant to share my opinion and provide a reference resource for people making characters.

(Artwork still from the Acquisitions Incorporated 5th Edition sourcebook. Damn this book has some nice artwork.)

STRENGTH

Athlete

Grants you the ability to stand up from prone faster, climb more easily, and jump further.

You’d think with the amount of builds I’ve included this feat in I’d have more positive things to say about it. But no: this feat is trash. Climbing is rare and jumping is pretty much never used in D&D. Even if it was there are low level spells (Spider Climb / Jump) that allow you to do what this feat does.

The only really useful addition to this feat is the faster speed to get up from the prone position. Being prone sucks and it can heavily restrict your movement when it happens. Putting yourself prone is also helpful in a ranged build to give enemies disadvantage to hit you from range. (You can technically knock yourself prone after attacking to make it harder to hit you.) But this strategy loses effectiveness quickly and it isn’t worth taking a feat to combat the rare possibility of being knocked off your feet.

Ultimately if you genuinely see any of the features of the Athlete feat as being useful chances are that either your DM forces way too much jumping / climbing, really likes knocking people over, or you really like knocking yourself prone.

2/10

Crusher

Grants extra utility to bludgeoning weapons, allowing you to move foes into more favorable positions.

RIP in piss Monks am I right lads? To be fair there aren’t any Finesse Bludgeoning Weapons with the only exception being the Sling. But regardless: this feat has two features along with its Ability Score Improvement:

The pushing ability is situational at best. Displacement abilities in 5th edition rarely have a significant impact. You may push an enemy off a cliff on occasion but unless your DM makes a significant effort to present these opportunities to you it won’t come up often. There is some niche use for this feat to work as a poor man’s Mobile feat, as you can push a foe back 5 feet before running away without needing to disengage.

But perhaps the biggest problem with the displacement ability of Crusher is that Shield Master does everything it does almost objectively better, all while providing additional benefits to Dexterity saving throws. Shield Master isn’t a half-feat, granted. But one could get one of the better +1 feats to STR / CON along with Shield Master.

The effect on a crit is incredibly potent. Giving all allies advantage to hit a foe will lead to more damage being dealt and an even higher chance to crit. However relying on crits usually isn’t a smart idea, and crits are already deadly enough without a feat to boost them.

7/10

Dragon Fear

DRAGONBORN EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Allows you to roar with your Breath Weapon ability, frightening nearby enemies.

This feat singlehandedly makes Dragonborn viable. I’m not even joking: being able to replace your CON based, low damage Burning Hands-lite with essentially the Fear spell which comes back on a Short Rest and is based on Charisma is insanely useful for any Charisma character. The most obvious use is for the Charisma casters: Bards and Sorcerers can get an extreme amount of value from this feature. But other Charisma classes like Paladins, Swashbuckler Rogues, and any other class that requires Charisma can use it well. Warlocks get a little less use out of it than most since their abilities already come back on a Short Rest but it’s still nice to have in your pocket.

It’s less useful for non-Charisma classes but it can’t be flawless. But it removes the problem of choosing between a subpar AoE damage ability or just attacking with your weapons / spells, and instead gives you a utility ability to give yourself space. It doesn’t scale well late when most enemies resist fears, but neither did your breath weapon. Especially with the Dragonborn subraces from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount this feat is extremely good.

I mean, you could just play a Leonin and get the fear without investing in a feat, especially since Tasha’s lets you move ability scores around. But Dragonborn have more fun roleplay and other abilities that the Leonin lack.

10/10

Dragon Hide

DRAGONBORN EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Your AC is equal to 13 + DEX and your unarmed strikes do a d4 + STR damage.

The Mage Armor feat / the worse Tavern Brawler feat. What confuses me about this feat is how at-odds it is with itself. On one hand your AC is still based on DEX but on the other hand your natural weapon is based on STR?

Let’s just ignore the Unarmed Strike damage because let’s be real here: you can just pick up a dagger instead of slashing people with your dragon claws. Is Mage Armor really worth losing half of a feat? If you have nothing better maybe, but this list alone shows that there are better options. There are some very specific niche scenarios where Unarmored Defense is more valuable than actual armor but those scenarios are usually campaign-specific or a choice done more for roleplay, and you could just as easily accomplish the roleplay by taking the Magic Initiate feat to get Mage Armor along with two useful cantrips.

Honestly this should’ve just been added as a base feature for the Dragonborn, and most DMs I know give this feat to Dragonborn at level 1. (Minus the half feat ASI.) Lizardfolk have innate AC, crafting skills, and a healing bite; Dragonborn should get innate AC, damage resistance, and a crappy breath weapon that can be upgraded by the Dragon Fear feat.

3/10

Heavily Armored

Gain proficiency with heavy armor.

The vast majority of classes that are expected to wear Heavy Armor have Heavy Armor Proficiency. In fact the only Martial class that doesn’t have Heavy Armor proficiency (minus Barbarians and Monks who can’t wear Heavy Armor) is the Ranger, so this feat is good if you want to play a Ranger like a Paladin. Huhn. Ironic that I am playing a Horizon Walker Ranger like a Paladin in one of the campaigns I’m in.

(Artwork by Bo “chenbowow” Chen. Made for Riot Games.)

Like, you can grab this feat for Clerics and Druids I guess, but why would you? Medium Armor is on-par with Heavy Armor, and 14 DEX is far more useful than the 15 STR required to wear Platemail.

The only other two (well technically three) subclasses I can think of which could grab this feat are the Hexblade Warlock and the two Martial Bards. (College of Swords / College of Valor.) For Hexblade... why do you need Strength? You can swing your sword with Charisma. Bard however... I guess if you want to play a Strength Bard it’s an option?

But yeah: the only time I ever used this feat was to play a Ranger like a Paladin. And saying “I used this feat to play one of the worst classes in the game like a better class” isn’t exactly an accomplishment.

1/10

Heavy Armor Master

While wearing heavy armor, bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage that you take from nonmagical weapons is reduced by 3.

The word that kills this feat is “nonmagical.” I can tell you as a fact having had a Fighter use this feat in a level 1 - 5 campaign that it is TORTURE for any DM. “Oh boy I finally hit the 20 AC Fighter annnnd I did 5 total damage, even though I rolled max damage.”

But this feat literally becomes useless past level 8 or so when enemies start getting magical weapons. There are a few enemies that still technically do nonmagical damage at high levels, but even then this feat isn’t going to save you from foes that are normally doing upwards of 15 damage per swing. It adds up yes, but it’ll rarely add up in my personal experience.

Take this feat on a Variant Human at level 1 if you’re doing a level 3 one shot, just to be an asshole.

2/10

Lightly Armored

Gain proficiency with light armor.

?????

Mage Armor exists. The only classes in the game that don’t get proficiency with at least Light Armor are Sorcerer and Wizard. You can afford to lose a spell slot for Mage Armor. Seriously.

1/10

Moderately Armored

Gain proficiency with medium armor.

The best of the “armored” feats because (hot take time) Medium Armor is the best armor in the game. It requires the least investment which makes it the most easily accessible armor in the game. If you have a 13 in DEX I’d highly recommend grabbing this feat. If your DEX is at a 16 (+3) or higher I’d honestly maybe just recommend Light Armor / Mage Armor instead?

8/10

Orcish Fury

HALF-ORC EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Get the ability to choose to roll an additional damage die once per short rest. Additionally, you can use your Reaction to make a weapon attack after being knocked down to 1 HP via your racial trait once per short rest.

Anyone find it amusing that this feat is only available to Half-Orcs but not full Orcs? Anyways: having the ability to essentially crit on-demand is nice. Having the reactionary attack after being knocked to 1 HP is situational, but still alright. I think if I was playing a Half-Orc and I needed to round out either my Strength or my Constitution (more likely my CON since there are far better feats for STR) I wouldn’t be upset taking this. Is it worth playing a Half-Orc just for this feat? Not by a long shot lol.

6/10

Piercer

When you deal damage with a piercing weapon you can reroll one of the damage die on one attack per turn. When you crit you can roll an additional damage die.

Savage Attacker as a half feat, proving that Savage Attacker is a bad feat lol. I’m actually going to talk more about this feat when I go into the Dexterity section which makes this the first feat where I’ll actually rank it lower for a specific Ability Score.

3/10 (if using STR)

Resilient (STR)

Gain proficiency with Strength saving throws.

Strength saves are common and pretty bad, but not as bad as Wisdom or Dexterity. What’s more is that most classes that will be forced to make Strength saves have proficiency in Strength saving throws already. If you have an uneven Strength score this isn’t the worst way to round it out, but I’d sooner get a stronger feat for another ability.

3/10

Revenant Blade

Essentially Dual-Wielder for the Double-Bladed Scimitar.

A very specific feat to the Eberron setting, and even though I use Eberron content frequently in my builds I’ll be honest: I know very little about the setting. The DBS honestly just seems worse than uh... wielding two scimitars? 3d4 damage is about on-par with 2d6. This feat is something you take more for roleplay than actual practicality with your character, though I have played with people (outside of Eberron lol) using a double-bladed scimitar and it seems like a cool weapon. Dual Wielder is also a good feat and it seems you can use the DBS without grabbing the Dual Wielding Fighting Style.

5/10

Skill Expert

Learn a skill and gain expertise in a skill.

A very good skill to round out any build. Expertise can actually shape your character quite a lot, as it allows you to be good at things even if your Ability Scores are bad. A good go-to feat to round off any uneven Ability Score if you have nothing better imo.

7/10

Slasher

Slashing weapons lower the speed of the target hit by 10. On a crit the target has disadvantage on all attack rolls until the start of your next turn.

Easily the worst of the weapon damage type feats, which is a shame because I like slashing weapons. The slowdown effect is rarely useful: the only class which I really think can use the slowdown effect well is hit-and-run Rogues, but Slashing weapons are heavily restricted from Rogues for some reason. The crit effect is nice but you shouldn’t be banking on crits, even as a Champion Fighter. This feat at least has a niche if you plan to play a Whip Rogue but that’s about it.

3/10

Squat Nimbleness

Increase your movement speed by 5, gain proficiency with Athletics or Acrobatics, and gain Advantage to escape grapples.

It is actually goddamn hilarious how good this feat is. +5 movement is already nice (especially if you’re playing one of the later-added small races [or a Homebrew race] that has 30 feet of movement) but you also get a free skill proficiency in either of the two most commonly used skills in the game, and to top it off to my knowledge this feat is the only way to gain a bonus to escaping grapples. (Outside of like, the Freedom of Movement spell.)

Take this! Good lord take this! If you have an uneven ability score and are small don’t even hesitate!

10/10

Tavern Brawler

Gain a d4 unarmed strike and proficiency with improvised weapons. After striking a creature with an unarmed strike or improvised weapon on your turn you can grapple them as a bonus action.

This feat will either be the best or worst feat you take depending on your DM. If your DM lives up to the Dead Rising promise of “anything is a weapon” and lets you pick up a stick off the ground and use it as an improvised weapon: congratulations your Wizard now has an infinite supply of short swords!

The grapple after making an improvised or unarmed strike is... interesting. I’ve expressed my distaste for grappling in the past but on its own at lower levels its not the worst option. The main problem is really just that the Grappler feat is bad, but if you want to keep an enemy from running then grabbing them isn’t the worst option!

5/10

Weapon Master

Gain proficiency with 3 weapons.

Just take a single level in Fighter. Honestly upgrading your weapon’s damage die isn’t worth losing the ASI. Even in the most extreme example of upgrading a dagger (d4) to a rapier (d8) you’re only getting +4 damage potential max.

The only application I really think is worth it for this feat is Rogues, because for some stupid reason Rogues don’t get proficiency with either Scimitars or (more importantly) Whips. So if for whatever reason you want to play a Reach Weapon Whip Rogue but still get Stroke of Luck from the 20th level of Rogue then I guess Weapon Master has some use? But you could just as easily grab the Mobile feat to reap similar benefits without being forced to use a d4 weapon.

1/10

DEXTERITY

Athlete

See above.

Elven Accuracy

ELF / HALF-ELF EXCLUSIVE FEAT.

Roll 3 d20s instead of 2 when you have advantage and are attacking with DEX or a spell.

Otherwise known as “why Elf Samurai is secretly overpowered.” If you have a reliable way to get Advantage this feat is absolutely nutty. If not well... It’s still a nice way to round out an uneven Ability Score, and it works with spell attack rolls too which gives it plenty of versatility!

Basically if there’s any semi-consistent chance that you’re going to get advantage I’d take this feat. If not? There are better half feats out there. Really a shame this doesn’t work with STR attacks but I guess they didn’t want Elf Barbarians to be the most overpowered shit in the game.

8/10

Fade Away

GNOME EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Use your reaction to become invisible after taking damage. You remain invisible until the end of your next turn unless you perform an aggressive action.

Invisibility is never a bad thing. This feat gives you what is essentially a stronger version of the Shield spell once per Short Rest since (rules as written) enemies can’t target you if they can’t see you. Now of course a lot of this depends on your DM (how many enemies with Blindsense are around, and if enemies will swing where you just were because metagaming) but this feat is almost exclusively why you should play a Gnome as opposed to something else.

This feat plus Squat Nimbleness is honestly worth losing an ASI for. Fade Away, Squat Nimbleness, and Moderately Armored combined can be three very good feats for a Gnome spellcaster who already has a high casting stat.

9/10

Gunner

Crossbow Expert for guns.

Crossbow Expert for guns. The only part of this feat that affects non-firearms is the lack of disadvantage in melee range which I mean... if you’re not planning to use crossbows it might be useful? But I’d sooner take Piercer, Elven Accuracy, or another more useful feat.

GUN/10 3/10

Lightly Armored

See above.

Piercer

When you deal damage with a piercing weapon you can reroll one of the damage die on one attack per turn. When you crit you can roll an additional damage die.

The first and probably only feat where increasing one Ability Score is far more useful than the other! Let’s start with the obvious: Savage Attacker doesn’t work with ranged weapons, but since all ranged weapons (minus the Sling) do Piercing damage this feat affects them! For most ranged weapons this isn’t that big of a deal but if you’re using one of the ranged weapons with a bigger damage die (Longbow / Heavy Crossbow) it’s still nice to have, especially if you have multiple attacks and will henceforth have a higher chance of rolling low for damage.

The triple damage effect on a crit is also very nice for a ranged weapon, and lets you live out that sharpshooter fantasy. But again banking on crits is unreliable. Overall this feat is a very nice way to increase an uneven Dexterity score and get some benefits for your ranged weapons. It’s not something I’d go out of my way to get but it does feel very good to grab.

7/10 (if using DEX)

Moderately Armored

See above. Slightly better when increasing DEX because DEX is more universally useful than STR.

Resilient (DEX)

Gain proficiency with Dexterity saving throws.

Dexterity saving throws are some of the most common saving throws in 5e. Being able to halve the damage of a Fireball is always worth it.

9/10

Revenant Blade

See above.

Second Chance

HALFLING EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Force an enemy that’s attacking you to reroll their attack once per combat.

This feat interests me because (to my knowledge) it’s the only feat that replenishes when you “roll initiative at the start of combat.” But regardless: being able to force an enemy to reroll a hit on you is really nice, but mind you that there is the chance to turn a regular hit into a crit.

If your class already has reactions this really isn’t worth it. But if you’re playing something like a Fighter this can be a nice way to shrug off a hit or two over the course of the day. A good way to round out your stats and give yourself some safety, but not something I’d go out of the way to get.

7/10

Squat Nimbleness

See above.

Skill Expert

See above.

Slasher

See above.

Weapon Master

See above.

CONSTITUTION

Aberrant Dragonmark

Get one Sorcerer cantrip and one level 1 Sorcerer spell. Constitution is your spellcasting modifier for these spells. Additional effects when you cast your level 1 spell.

Veterans of this blog will know how much I love Aberrant Dragonmark. If you’re taking Magic Initiate to have a ranged attack then Aberrant Dragonmark is pretty much just universally better than Magic Initiate. The only real flaw with this feat is that you can only take from the Sorcerer list... oh and that it’s very Eberron specific. It’s unlikely that you’ll be allowed this feat, but I would recommend it for just about anyone who needs a ranged backup. Constitution becomes a lot more exciting when it’s used for more than just health.

8/10

Chef

Allies heal more during short rests. Prepare treats allies can use to gain Temporary hitpoints as a Bonus Action.

Song of Rest? Never heard of her! A fairly mediocre feat on its own, though admittedly fun for roleplay. The treats are actually not that bad to give allies a tiny bit of bulk. The definitely-not-Song of Rest feature is also good in its own right.

It’s a nice way to round out your Constitution or Wisdom if it’s uneven, and is very fun for roleplay. But it’s not the most impressive in terms of utility.

6/10

Crusher

See above.

Dragon Fear

See above.

Dragon Hide

See above.

Durable

Add double your Constitution modifier to rolled hit die while Short Resting.

I mean, it’s nice? But the only real use I see for this is for a Barbarian. It can definitely allow you save up on your hit die but unless you have a 13 in CON (14 with this feat) I wouldn’t recommend it. I’d much rather not take the damage in the first place: an ounce of prevention beats a cure!

5/10

Dwarven Fortitude

DWARF EXCLUSIVE FEAT

When you take the Dodge action you can heal with a hit die.

Otherwise known as “Dwarf Monks are super legit for no good reason.” It’s a very interesting feat that allows you to tank in interesting ways, and it’s particularly good if you know your DM doesn’t let you frequently short rest. It can be nice to heal in a pinch, but much like with Durable I’d rather negate the damage than heal with hit die.

And if your DM allows frequent short rests? This feat is objectively worse than Durable, since it doesn’t really matter when you heal with hit die.

5/10

Infernal Constitution

TIEFLING EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Resist Cold and Poison damage, and gain Advantage on saving throws against Poisons.

You already resist Fire damage, which is extremely common. This feat adds two more common damage types to that list, and also helps you against a common debuff. This is just a very good way to give your character more bulk! Of course if you aren’t fighting a lot of poisonous or cold enemies this feat won’t be too practical, but in a standard campaign with varied foes this will quickly carry its weight!

7/10

Orcish Fury

See above.

Resilient (CON)

Gain proficiency with Constitution saving throws.

Constitution saves are extremely common, most notably for Concentration checks. Other people have done the math that Resilient scales better than War Caster to help with Concentration checks. This feat is a must-have for spellcasters, and very good all-around.

10/10

Second Chance

See above.

Skill Expert

See above.

Tavern Brawler

See above.

INTELLIGENCE

Elven Accuracy

See above.

Fade Away

See above.

Fey Teleportation

HIGH ELF EXCLUSIVE FEAT

Learn Sylvan. Cast Misty Step once per Short Rest.

Otherwise known as LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON TO PLAY A HIGH ELF. Holy shit if you’re playing a High Elf take this feat! A free language is nice and all but Misty Step is one of the most useful utility spells in the game, and you have near-constant access to it!

10/10

Fey Touched

Learn Misty Step and one additional first level spell from the Enchantment or Divination schools. You can cast both of these spells once without using a spell slot.

Misty Step is one of the strongest spells in the game: if your class doesn’t normally get it I’d definitely recommend Fey Touched just to get Misty Step. Being able to grab strong first level Enchantment and Divination spells like Hex, Hunter’s Mark, Bless, Heroism, and Detect Magic are also very useful.

9/10

Flames of Phlegethos

Reroll 1s when dealing Fire damage. Surround yourself in Fire when casting a Fire damage spell.

Otherwise known as “Elemental Adept lite.” Only really useful if you’re planning to consistently be in close range, but very fun and flavorful if you are casting fire up close.

I honestly wish this feat wasn’t Tiefling exclusive because it’s cool as shit but so situational: I’d love to see a version of this feat that’s damage type exclusive and race exclusive. Hm maybe that’ll be a Homebrew project of mine.

7/10

Keen Mind

Know some information you should probably already know.

Otherwise known as “hey mister DM I forgot to buy a compass or a watch in town, and I’m too stupid to take notes.” This is the feat for bad players, and most DMs will ignore it even if you do take it.

1/10

Linguist

Learn 3 languages. Write cyphers.

The languages are honestly useless: Comprehend Languages is a first level spell, and Tongues is a third level spell. The cyphers are a lot more interesting, but they’re admittedly extremely situational outside of specific campaigns. It also really sucks that your feat can be undone with the Comprehend Languages spell, which can be cast as a ritual.

4/10

Observant

+5 to Passive Perception / Investigation. You can read creatures’ lips if you understand the language they’re speaking.

The ability to read creatures’ lips is honestly really interesting for espionage, but let’s be real: you picked up this feat for the increase to Passive Perception. Honestly if you don’t want to be ambushed just take the Alert feat.

7/10

Resilient (INT)

Gain proficiency with Intelligence saving throws.

Intelligence saves are rare. Devastating when they occur, yes. But I’d sooner take Observant, Linguist, or one of the Tasha’s feats over Resilient.

5/10

Shadow Touched

Learn the Invisibility spell and one additional first level spell from the Necromancy or Illusion schools. You can cast both of these spells once without using a spell slot.

Invisibility is less universally useful than Misty Step, and Necromancy / Illusion spells are weaker than Divination / Enchantment spells. (At least if we’re talking first level.) There are some nice ones like Disguise Self and Inflict Wounds but generally speaking mobility is more useful in my humble opinion.

7/10

Skill Expert

See above.

Telekinetic

Learn the Mage Hand cantrip. If you know it already, increase its range by 30 feet. You can make the Mage Hand invisible. Additionally, you may shove a creature 5 feet towards or away from you as a Bonus Action on your turn.

Mage Hand is one of the best cantrips in the game and being able to make it invisible was a subclass feature restricted to just Arcane Trickster Rogues previously. Having an invisible grabbing arm is insanely useful, and extending it to 60 feet is even better.

And that isn’t even the best part! Being able to shove people around isn’t necessarily the most overpowered thing but it still gives you a way to use your Bonus Action every turn! If you play on a tabletop you can use this feat to push enemies back into AoE damage abilities or pull allies away from danger! In Theater of the Mind however this feat isn’t as strong and I wouldn’t recommend using the shove too much as its liable to annoy your DM.

8/10

Telepathic

You can speak telepathically to a creature within 60 feet of you. They have to understand the language, and don’t gain the ability to respond telepathically. Additionally, you learn the Detect Thoughts spell, and can cast it once per Long Rest without using a spell slot.

Detect Thoughts isn’t that great of a spell, though granted this is just my personal experience. That being said having telepathy is extremely useful, and this is speaking from experience!

I will say right now: take this feat if you are a Druid. Unless your DM is a real stickler for the rules this will let you speak to people while Wildshaped! This opens up a whole world of possibilities for your Druid! I unironically consider this feat mandatory for a Druid, and fairly useful for any other character who wants to speak quietly and stealthily. And you know: doesn’t have access to Message.

8/10 - Mandatory for a Druid

WISDOM

Chef

See above.

Elven Accuracy

See above.

Fey Touched

See above.

Observant

See above.

Resilient (WIS)

Gain proficiency with Wisdom saving throws.

Wisdom saves are very common, but most Wisdom classes already get Wisdom saving throw proficiency. If you have an uneven Wisdom score it can be worth it to get the proficiency, but Wisdom saving throws are arguably the most common saving throw to be proficient with.

7/10

Shadow Touched

See above.

Skill Expert

See above.

Telekinetic

See above.

Telepathic

See above.

CHARISMA

Actor

Gain advantage when pretending to be someone else, and become capable of mimicking someone’s voice after listening to them.

A very good feat if you plan to do any infiltration or other political intrigue stuff. With the Disguise Self spell this feat can be used by just about anyone, but the real value comes for Changelings. Having Disguise Self as a racial trait means the “be better at fooling people” feat is insanely useful. Inversely this feat isn’t as useful for Kenku since you can already mimic voices more-or-less perfectly.

This feat is inherently situational but it’s beyond useful for the campaigns where it can be used. And again: it’s near-mandatory for a Changeling or a Warlock with the Mask of Many Faces invocation (or anyone who takes Eldritch Adept for Mask of Many Faces.)

7/10 - Mandatory for Changelings

Dragon Fear

See above.

Dragon Hide

See above. (How the hell this feat increases Charisma I have no idea.)

Elven Accuracy

See above.

Fey Teleportation

See above.

Fey Touched

See above.

Flames of Phlegethos

See above.

Resilient (CHA)

Gain proficiency in Charisma saving throws.

Charisma saving throws are extremely rare, and more often than not they’re more of the “don’t get to play the game” variety and less “die super bad and become a living vegetable” like Intelligence saving throws. Even if looking to round out uneven ability scores feats like Skill Expert and Telepathic are better.

3/10

Second Chance

See above.

Shadow Touched

See above.

Skill Expert

See above.

Telekinetic

See above.

Telepathic

See above.

HELPFUL CHART OR SOMETHING

[pluto-art]

Syncytium - Chapter 1

Title: Syncytium Words: 3,311 Rating: T Summary: Teacher AU. Takes place in a fictional universe in which Professor Ronald Pinkus and Dr. Brian T. Globetrotter (played by Pinky and Brain, respectively) are college professors at an esteemed school for mice that focuses on science and the arts. Mainly told from Brain's point of view; sometimes from Pinky's. He's too egotistical for his own good. Pinky is too happy-go-lucky for his own good. The two clash. High jinks ensue. Dr. Globetrotter gets more than he bargained for. Way more than he bargained for...

Fan fiction link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13712482/1/Syncytium

This was 100% inspired by the drawings I did of Brain and Pinky as professors. It’s planned to be a multi-chapter story, and I already have the major points of the entire story outlined. Here be chapter one. Enjoy.

Syncytium - n. a single cell or cytoplasmic mass containing several nuclei, formed by fusion of cells or by division of nuclei.

\/\/\/\/\/\/

January 17, 1994 - 4:35 AM

Darkness.

All around them was dark, it's impenetrable cloak cut only by the crimson beat of the emergency lights.

No one could see them. No one could hear them. No one even knew they were there. But if they could see them, by way of those steady emergency flashes, they'd make out an aging mouse struggling to carry his blue-eyed comrade to safety, light reflecting off his broken glasses. And if they could hear them, all they'd pick up, aside from a distant alarm, would be a heavy, breathless panting.

Brian paused in his efforts to set down the taller, much lankier mouse on the concrete below, an arm coming 'round to support his friend's head. Heavy lids threatened to close their curtains on a pair of periwinkle eyes, their owner barely managing to stay awake.

"Pinky... Pinky, wake up!"

Nothing.

"Pinky!"

He tapped his cheek sharply.

Slowly, surely, the other mouse awakened.

"Brain...?"

"Yes, Pinky. I'm here. I'm here."

"Brain...," Pinky whispered, a paw coming up to grasp his arm tightly before his head fell back into Brain's palm.

"It's all right," cooed Brian. "It's all right, Pinky. I've got you. Shhh. Shhh. I've got you. Shhhhhh shhh shhh shhh..."

\/\/\/\/\/\/

September 10th, 1993 - 7:30 AM

Darkness.

"Sh sh sh! Quiet! Everyone calm down! Quiet!"

A pencil sharpened. A ruler placed just so on a dated, mahogany table. Half-moon violet glasses were pushed square up against a pair of pink, deadpan eyes by a delicate, nail-bitten finger.

"Good evening, class," droned Dr. Brian T. Globetrotter. "Today we shall be delving into the fascinating subject of cellular mitosis..."

Sunlight, warm and bright and quite the opposite of the teacher it poured the morning's blessing onto, shone through the dark, wooden blinds of the university classroom, the better to illuminate the scene. Rows and rows of mahogany benches, arranged in a stadium format, and each with a polished table set in front of it, could barely be seen thanks to the sheer number of students adorning every bit of space available. It wasn't cramped, per say, but it was filled. Not a seat was left, and not for reason of enthusiasm. The countenance of those in attendance told all: no one was here because they wanted to be, but because they needed to be. Required classes were always the least interesting, and the occasional passed note or whispered joke barely managed to keep the atmosphere animated, provided one was even able to communicate such messages without getting caught. It was common knowledge that this particular professor had no room for flippancy. Detentions were a standard affair. Not being spoken to or called upon was considered a kindness.

Said teacher continued his sunrise spiel, seemingly oblivious to the complete lack of interest permeating the room as he droned on and on about the fascinating life of the cell.

Fascinating, indeed. If he at all harbored any excitement about the subject his profile certainly failed to project it, his demure expression reflected on the faces of practically every student in the room. Only one outlier remained: a golden-furred girl mouse, glasses a little askew, cheek resting against her paw as she sighed dreamily. An equally amber-tinted mouse beside her rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"The intricacies of such a seemingly primitive topic are much more complex and absorbing than might first be assumed, and although I don't expect any of you to give a Heterocephalus Glaber's crotch about an ounce of it, we are henceforth going to engage in the undoubtedly invaluable study regardless."

Somewhere in the back, a student scribbled "Heterocephalus Glaber's crotch" on a page of his journal labeled "The Globular List of Insults", sniggering to his freckled companion.

"Please turn your attention to page seventy-five of your textbooks. We will begin with the genesis of the process, in which a single cell divides into..."

But whatever that cell was going to divide into had to be put on hold, for at that moment the classroom door flung open to reveal a completely new fascination entirely.

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Judson!" blurted out the newcomer, one foot in the door and the other still sticking outside the classroom, a loaded box of paraphernalia nestled precariously in his arms. "I'll never forget this! I promise to pay you back with a whoooooole bouquet of flowers! Nya-ha-ha-ha!"

In he tumbled, paraphernalia and all, right onto Brian T. Globetrotter's desk, knocking an ink pen, two calculators, and his name sign off the table in the process.

"Whoops! Eheh. Sorry! I'll get that for you!" offered the mouse, hastening to clean up his mess, albeit rather haphazardly.

"Wha-... What are you doing here?! I am in the middle of a very important session!" growled Globetrotter.

"Oh, yes, and I'm sure it's a very lovely session, too! But... if you don't mind my asking...," and he got right up to the other's ear and whispered: "Isn't this, ummm, my room?"

"Wha-? Puh... It most certainly is not! This is my classroom and you're intruding!" Globetrotter spluttered, poking a finger into the newcomer's chest for greater emphasis.

Three rows up, a student typed furiously on his phone: New teacher about to get ROASTED by Mr. B.

"Well, how do you figure that one?" the other mouse questioned.

"Maybe you should read the fine print?!"

And with the starkest finality he could muster, he picked up his name sign and slammed it down in front of the other mouse, turning it so that the name BRIAN T. GLOBETROTTER on the front flashed out proud as anything. The new teacher didn't seem at all perturbed by such harsh behavior. Indeed, he put his face right up to the sign, tipped down his own pair of half-moon glasses, and carefully read each word, muttering them to himself softly.

"Oh! Well, that's different then, isn't it?" he declared, straightening up to smile brightly at his fellow colleague. "But, umm, you might want to change the name there, don't you think? I mean, it says "globe trotter", but I don't see you trotting around any globes. No. Not at all. More like globe sitter. Ha-ha-ha!"

Globetrotter stared at the newcomer, mouth agape. It was all he could do at the moment, taken aback by the sheer audacity of this... figure and the pure chaos he had caused. Half the room was already in hysterics, for his buck-toothed make and slight slur, coupled with a lightly pronounced Cockney accent, made his proclamation of "sitter" sound like a different word entirely.

Everything about this mouse was... off. Compared to Globetrotter he was exceptionally tall and lanky, all the more exacerbated by the fact that Brian was quite a short mouse to begin with; he had to crane his neck to look up at him. His laugh was prominent, and his eyes were an astonishing robin's egg blue. Never in his lifetime had Globetrotter ever seen a mouse with eyes that color; he hazarded to guess they were contacts. He wore a lab coat, but only out of necessity, it seemed, for it clashed with the rest of his outfit: a pink polo-style shirt with some band's logo slapped on the front, striped corduroy pants that sported every color of the rainbow, and what looked to be black and white bowling shoes. It was as if a Goofy cartoon had vomited all over him. The heavy cardboard box he'd unceremoniously deposited on Globetrotter's table seemed to carry all assortment of bits and bobs - a globe, several petri dishes, a bag of chips, a baseball cap, some notepads and pens, a small keyboard, a roll of Gouda, some tape, a framed photograph, a book on Regis Philbin, two VHS tapes of The Honeymooners, and not one... but three Bunsen Burners, as if he had packed them in a feeble attempt to complete the look of someone who was supposedly intelligent. Every eye in the room had turned towards him as he entered, and every eye had stayed on him since. Golden-haired girl had actually dropped her pencil, grabbed her brother by the shirt sleeve, and clutched at her heart, a light whisper of, "Oh my gosh, he's hot...," fluttering past her lips. Her brother facepalmed. To complete the effect, he carried under his arm a pad hosting a number of rather childish stickers, which Globetrotter grabbed from him.

"Shut up!" he snapped at his students, who were still chuckling. They all quieted down at once. "Dr. Ronald Pinkus, Professor of Trozology," Globetrotter read aloud, disgust painting every syllable. "What in the bloody hell is 'Trozology'?"

"Oh, well, it's very simple, really. It's-," Ronald began, but at that moment, a wee mouse popped in, her eyes nearly covered by a pudgy blue tam o' shanter.

"Excuse me? Mr. Pinkus?" she squeaked, thick Scottish accent nearly muffled by the gray scarf swathed about her.

"Please, call me Pinky!" Ronald squeaked back.

The girl smiled and giggled.

"Pinky. Mrs. Judson told me to tell you that you're actually in two ten, not three nineteen."

"Hm? Ohhhhhh!" the one named Pinky exclaimed, peeking at the front of Globetrotter's classroom door. A giant number '319' was painted on its front. "That does explain things, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Now, would you kindly disencumber my desk and plant your quixotic accoutrements elsewhere?" Globetrotter fronted, already pushing Pinky's possessions towards him, and would have thrust it clear off the desk had it not been for Pinky's quick reflexes. He grabbed his loaded box, that ridiculous grin still plastered on his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Brain! And thank you, Ms... errrr...?"

"Flaversham. Olivia Flaversham," piped the girl, beaming from head to toe.

"Thank you, Olivia!"

And he waved at her, as best he could anyway, nearly losing the box as Olivia waved back and skipped off. Shifting his grip so as to take better hold of his possessions, Pinky turned to Globetrotter, panting a little.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for barging in on your class, Mr. Brain. It won't happen again!"

"It's Brian. And see to it that you don't," retorted Globetrotter, flicking stray dust off his precious desk. "You may leave at your earliest convenience, which I hope will be immediately."

"Right-o, Brain!" Pinky saluted, and with that... he trotted off, slipping a little under the weight of the box, and doing his best to close the door behind him with his long, pink tail.

For five whole seconds Globetrotter stared at the closed door, as if attempting to retrieve what little bearings he had left. Despite the poisonous nature of their teacher, many of the students couldn't help but exchange excited mutters, babbling in haste about what had just transpired. Already, Globetrotter, with his exceptional hearing, could catch such questions as, "Did you see how many burners he had?", "Do you think he's single?", and, worst of all, "Is his class full?".

In a rare move, no one was punished for such comments. If anything, for the rest of the class, Globetrotter aimed to be a bit more... amiable than usual, which only fueled the chatter. The session was a long one - three hours, to be exact - and it was with great relief that the bell rang, for if there was anything more "exciting" than cellular mitosis, it was gossip.

"Homework is due on the twenty-first. I want a count of three-thousand words at least and no exceptions!" Globetrotter rattled as the entire class practically flew out of the room in a flurry.

Many paired up with friends; some hitched up their bags and backpacks, running in haste to their next class. Three of the girls, two mice and a shrew, banded together, all a-flutter.

"Oh. My gosh. Did you see that guy? Ugh. My heart is still beating a mile a minute," one of them crooned. It was the golden-furred gal, whiskers shining as she licked her fingers and smoothed them out one-by-one.

"Gosh, Maisy, you're so superficial. One minute it's Globetrotter. Now it's this Pinky guy," mused a mouse to her left, a pair of goggles resting atop her blonde hair. "You need to pick a side."

"I am! I'm picking the cuter of the two," Maisy stated, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

"He looked like Pee-wee Herman walked into Dexter's Lab or something..."

"Dexter's Lab is more fun," voiced Tillie the shrew, who adjusted the tightness of the little cloth draped over her head. "What did Globetrotter mean by giving us only five pages of homework? Usually it's at least ten..."

"I have a theory for that," said the goggle-adorned mouse, biting her fingernails.

"Would you stop doing that?" Maisy bit, slapping at the other mouse's wrist playfully. "It's so gross."

"What? They get gnarly. You know I don't wear gloves when I work."

"You should."

Goggle-mouse sighed.

"Anyway, you wanna hear my theory?"

"I do," piped the shrew.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead," droned Maisy, not at all enthused.

"Okay. So... my theory is that he's jealous. He doesn't want this Pinky guy to suddenly snatch up all his students, so he's trying to be extra nice to us to get us to stay."

Maisy snorted at this.

"As if we could leave. It's a required class."

"Yeah, but we could always drop it and take it next semester at a different time with a different teacher."

"But why would anybody go through the trouble of that?" said Tillie. "We'd all rather get it over with sooner than later."

"Exactly," "Goggles" said as they turned a corner, heading for the cafeteria. "Anyway, I'll see you guys later."

"Where are you going?" Maisy asked.

"It's Wednesday. I have Engineering on Wednesdays. Duh. Bye, guys!"

And off she went.

"Bye, Gadget!" Maisy waved, then said, under her breath, "She's so weird."

"Yeah, but we love her," Tillie said.

"Yeah, I know," smiled Maisy, as they walked into the cafeteria together.

Running past them went little tammie-headed girl. She practically flew past the throng of students milling in and trudging down the hallways, deftly weaving in and out of them like a snake in the grass. It was a wonder she didn't bump into anyone even once.

Down the maze of hallways she flew, finally stopping at a dividing lane to peer down a path at a familiar figure.

"Mr. Pinky!" she called out, desperately trying to catch her breath as she sprinted up to him.

Pinky smiled down at her, one paw resting on a handle on a door labeled 'Professor Ronald Pinkus, PhD Trozology, 210", his other arm still balancing the heavy box.

"I forgot to give you this!" Olivia panted, stretching out a sweaty hand to proffer him a little white note.

He took it, not without some difficulty, and tucked it into his box.

"Thank you, Olivia! Here..."

And he extracted from the box the bag of chips and handed it to her. She took it, puzzled.

"Tuppence for your trouble," he said, winking at her.

"Thank you, Sir! Good-bye!" Olivia waved, practically glowing as she ran back down the hallway, ripping open the bag and popping a chip in her mouth in the process.

Grinning sweetly, Dr. Ronald Pinkus opened the door and stepped inside.

It was dark, and it took a moment for him to find the light. When he finally flipped a switch, it revealed to him his new abode. It wasn't the most spacious area. In fact, as compared to Dr. Brain's (or... was it Brian's?) classroom this one was visibly a tad more... cramped. Only twenty seats lay stacked in a corner, their blue paint a little chipped and their legs a mite bent. They looked more like middle-school chairs than the nicer seats found throughout most of the school. The light was dim - perhaps a little too much so. He'd need to fix that. There was a fairly solid-looking desk, at least, as well as a small waste bin, some pencils, a large chalkboard behind the desk, and one of those roll-around televisions in another corner. By all accounts, this room was trash as compared to the rest of the university, but where anyone else would have turned their nose up at it... Pinky beamed.

Setting his box down upon the desk, he hung his lab attire up on a nearby coat hanger and inhaled, breathing in the smell of old glue, old chalk, and a very slight tinge of old bubblegum. The glue smell tickled his nose and he giggled. He rather liked that scent. It reminded him of something. Something sweet...

Quietly, he relieved the poor box of its contents, placing everything in the best places he figured they should go, and set the empty box down in a corner.

"There you go, old box. Sorry for all the trouble!" he apologized. The box said nothing.

He turned back to his desk, smiling at a job well done. The three Bunsen Burners stood proudly on one corner of the desk, looking very professional indeed. The notepads and pens looked quite nice on the desk, along with the roll of tape, and there was even a little shelf under the roll-away tv that he was able to put his Honeymooners tapes on! It was perfect. Well, almost.

From his lab coat, he pulled out a handkerchief, which he carried with him to an empty bathroom across the hall. Wetting it and wringing it out, he stepped back into his classroom, shut the door behind him, and carefully, gently, wiped down the picture frame, a smile kissing his lips as he did so. Four little figures beamed up at him: two older mice, himself as a child, and, curiously, a spool of thread, which he was hugging in the photo. Having cleaned the little glass and frame, Pinky brought it up to his face... and kissed it... before setting it back down on his desk, right there in front, where he could always look at it.

There was only one thing left to attend to: the note that Olivia had given him. He picked it up from the desk, unfolded it, and read:

Mr. Pinky,

My sincere apologies for directing you to the wrong classroom. I hope that old bat didn't give you too much trouble. Please, alert me if you need anything.

- Mrs. Judson

Pinky grinned, chuckling a little as he set the note back down on the table and stepped out from behind the desk.

He sighed happily and looked around the room, gaze glistening.

"I made it, Mum. I made it."