#OK I'M SICK Review

[lesbiancressidacowper]

utterly cannot stand the type of post thats like "what are the female characters you like" and i KNOW it's not the fault of the people who make those posts i know they only do it because 95% of this site's blorbos are men. but i hate it anyway. like really the only way you can get fandom people to talk about women is to explicitly tell them to talk about women. and it always comes off so disingenuous because i KNOW most people reblogging those posts would never say those characters on a generic "what are your favorite characters" post. like it's all just so bleak :/

[hyperfixatedoncrimminalminds]

ahhhh! i was the anon who requested the most recent hotch!daughter fic! tysm for writing that. the most adorable thing ever <3!!!

is it ok to have a sort of follow up on that fic? maybe reader comes back and forces hotch and all the bau members to play princess tea party with her during their lunch break haha?

Aaron Hotchner X Young Daughter Reader Pt 2

Request : ahhhh! i was the anon who requested the most recent hotch!daughter fic! tysm for writing that. the most adorable thing ever <3!!!

is it ok to have a sort of follow up on that fic? maybe reader comes back and forces hotch and all the bau members to play princess tea party with her during their lunch break haha?

Start of recap...

Following his arm Hotch breathed a sigh off relief as he saw where Y/N had got to, smiling he watched his daughter laugh and play with the young doctors hair.

He was glad she was okay and made a new friend. Quickly taking a few pictures he sends them to Haily who messaged back just a quick. "Some one made a new friend" chuckling he responded. "I think they both made a new friend"

Putting his phone away he went back to his office, happy to leave his daughter in his agents capable hands.

End of recap...

Third person pov...

A couple months after Hotch and Haily get a divorce. Haley has the kids most of the time and Hotch gets visitation rights, little Y/N loves spending time with her Daddy.

It was a typical day at the FBI academy for Aaron Hotchner, the team's stoic leader.

As they were reviewing their case files and strategizing for their next case, Hotchner's phone rang. He picked it up and on the other end was his ex-wife, Haley.

Hotchner's heart skipped a beat as he heard the sound of his two-year-old daughter, laughing in the background.

The spending if her voice grew louder, she had come closer to the phone.

"Hi daddy!" She squeals as she sees his contact. Hotch let's a smile fall on his lips. "Hi baby, you want to spend the day with me and the team?" He asks the young girl.

Hotch immediately pulls the phone far away from his ears as his Daughter screams in joy shouting into the phone. "Yes yes yes!" Hotch laughs at how excited the little girl sounds.

After getting the phone back, Haley explained that their original babysitter had called in sick and she had an important meeting she couldn't miss, Jack had school so She asked if Aaron could take care of Y/N for the day.

Despite his busy schedule, Hotchner couldn't say no to spending time with his daughter. He quickly made arrangements for Y/N to come to the BAU office and inform the team that they would have a special guest for the day.

As the clock struck 12, Agent Hotchner was in his office, going through files when suddenly he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in" he called out, not looking up from his work.

To his surprise, it wasn't one of his team members, but his 2 year old Daughter

Y/N standing in front of him with a huge smile on her face.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed, running towards him.

"Hey, Princess have a safe trip" Hotch asked, lifting her up in his arms. The energetic girl smiled and hugged his neck. "Yep I did, can we play daddy?" she asks the man, giggling.

Hotch chuckled, "i'm sorry sweetie, but Daddy has to work right now. Maybe later, okay?" The H/C girl pouted, but before Hotch could say anything else.

she suddenly let out a loud giggle and ran out of his office. Hotch shrugged, thinking it was just a phase and went back to his work.

But 5 minutes later, he heard more giggling and the sound of his door opening again.

This time, it was the whole BAU team following Y/N who was dressed in a pink princess dress with a tiara on her head.

She was holding the young Dr's hand who was smiling, Y/N still loved Spencer the most apart from her Daddy of course

"Hotch, we have a problem" Rossi said, a serious look on his face but trying to hold back his laughter.

Hotch raised an eyebrow, "What's going on?" Everyone one of them after trying to keep a straight face.

"Morgan found this little princess wandering around the bullpen, claiming that she was here to play with you" JJ explained, trying not to laugh

Before he could say anything, Y/N ran towards him and tugged on his shirt. "Daddy, I wanna play tea party with you and your friends!"

Hotch looked at his team, trying to hide his amusement. But seeing their pleading faces, he knew there was no way he could deny his daughter's request.

"Okay, just for a little while" Hotch said, putting the little girl down and joining the others in the break room.

Y/N clapped her hands in excitement as she dragged Spencer out of her Daddies office and to the found table room.

She then passed out plastic tea cups and saucers to everyone. "You're the queen, Daddy!" She said, placing a tiara on Hotch's head.

The team couldn't help but laugh as they pretended to sip imaginary tea and have conversations with the little princess.

They even played make-believe with her, pretending to be princes and princesses in a magical kingdom.

Hotch was the Queen, Rossi was the King, Y/N of course was a Princess, Spencer the court magician, Penelope the fairy God Mother, Derek a Knight, JJ and Emily were princesses with Y/N.

For the next hour, the BAU team forgot about their stressful job and just enjoyed the innocent fun with their bosses daughter.

Hotch couldn't remember the last time he laughed this much, and seeing his team bonding with his daughter made his heart warm.

As the lunch break came to an end and they had to get back to work, Y/N hugged each team member tightly, thanking them for playing with her.

"Thanks for saving my princess, Hotch" Derek said, high-fiving him as they all left the break room.

Hotch smiled, feeling grateful for his team and their willingness to be a part of his daughter's little tea party adventure.

From that day on, whenever little Y/N would visit him at work, the team would always set aside some time to play with her.

Hotch couldn't be happier, knowing that his daughter was being raised in a loving and supportive environment.

The end!

I hope you liked this oneshot, so sorry for the wait. Finally got around to writing this. Sorry for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.

Request are open!

Word count: 1100

[viciousvortexx]

Devil's flu

a stubborn devil gets sick and learns how to appreciate his sensitive side.

ps: i just reviewed this once so pardon me if there's anything wrong <3

pss: i'm cheesy

You take a moment to just stare at Vergil sleeping peacefully on your lap, wrapped around a fluffy duvet to keep him warm, his cheeks and nose slightly red, shallow breathing and messy hair that painted his sick state. Slowly, his ocean eyes open, taking a look at the TV screen and then up at you, his voice was more husky than usual and a bit weak. “You're still watching this channel?”

After so many hours watching Discovery H&H, you were already entertained with the granny style TV shows, losing count of how many programs about cakes and house renovation you watched just this evening. Here and there, Vergil starts to spasm softly on his slumber, catching your attention from the strawberry cake recipe on the screen, placing a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. “Great, he's not so cold anymore.”

To your surprise, Vergil caught some sort of flu that only infects demons, even if he was half human, his half demon part didn't get out of this. He tried to deny telling you everything was alright, but who he thinks will get fooled? Vergil was coughing and sneezing all the time, having headaches and sore throat, runny and stuffy nose and of course, a fever. Actually, you're not certain if this should be called a fever. With devils, instead of their body temperature rise, it decreases. It was so strange to touch him and not feel the usual inhuman yet comforting warmth.

Chuckling, a warm smile spreads across your face as you pet his head. “Oh, but you were the one who wanted to watch this, remember? Hey, how are you feeling?”

"I'm fine, just a little sore...” Sighs, a whispered honest admission, running a hand through the messy silver locks of hair. His honesty makes a sweet feeling of relief wash over you, making Vergil understand that he needs to be open to you was a hard task, and the process was still ongoing. To make him admit he was sick, god... What a headache, it just took Vergil to almost faint and a pinch of stubbornness. To make him take the medicines then? Even worse. You took thousands of deep breaths to steady yourself, it's not like he's doing this to be a pain in the ass, this man haves so many scars on that heart, and you're happy that Vergil is managing to heal them, even if slowly, very slowly...

“Do you want to take another hot bath, perhaps?” Places a hand on his forehead to check his temperature again, indeed more warm than before.

“By that you mean give me another hot bath, right? You're spoiling me, little one, I still know how to clean myself.” He chuckles a bit, oh, that soft wrinkles on his face when Vergil smiles... To see that the devil doesn't show anymore that bittersweet expression when you offer him help or care, the one of annoyance and insecurity, scrunching up his eyebrows, that was replaced by a shy yet sincere smile, it fills a clenched heart with joy.

“I feel like a burden like this, you've been doing things for me...” Before he could finish, you interrupt him, cupping Vergil's face, playfully (and nervously) squeezing his cheeks to make him pay attention.

“Hey, hey! what we talked about?” You keep looking at him like waiting for Vergil to say something very specific.

“I... you really will make me repeat this again? It's embarrassing...” His cheeks are flush as you release them, a slight frown on his temple, you only raise an eyebrow and grins, Vergil sighs while closing his eyes and repeating “I'm loved and cherished and it's okay to not be ok— oh, please, that's ridiculous!”

That causes you to laugh a little, messing up his hair white hair. “Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...” your hands hover in the air as a sign of surrender, “ I just want you to remember that it didn't bother me at all to groom your hedgehog hair every morning the last three days and that I love you.”

“Groom what?” Seeing him making that challenging face makes you burst out laughing, but it immediately stops when hearing him speak again with a low voice, “I love you too, thank you for everything.” Vergil reaches one of his lukewarm hands to your cheeks, brushing his thumb back and forth.

Just for a moment, you both remain silent, just looking into each other's eyes, your pupils must be dilated like the full moon right now, because that's what love does, it makes us feel like fools, our bodies betray us with uncontrollable reactions, and it feels good to be a fool for this devil with the flu. Ah, but love is not supposed to be hard, loving him was never like that, we all are a little damaged inside, what changes everything is learning how to deal with that damage without harming the others, when you love, you're up to sit down with that person under the rain, let it pour, let it wash away. Blue always was the hottest color, maybe so hot that's why not everyone wants to touch it, but you did.

“Come on, I'll bake a cake for us, I know tons of recipes after this evening, I bet I'm an expert now.”

After hearing you, Vergil starts to free himself from the barrier of duvets you built over him, and you have to hold another laugh when your lover stands up wearing the "Girls ♥ my autism swag" you gifted him as a joke, that damn fucking shirt, the fact that he really wears it to stay at home...

“Good, I can't stand eating soup anymore.” Vergil runs a hand on his hair to fix it, roll your eyes, even when this guy is sick he's still the same as always, the one that you fell in love to. You have no idea of how long this flu will last, of how many days you'll spend the evening watching Discovery H&H shows with Vergil, all you know is that you couldn't be more glad than to take care of that grumpy blue devil.

[pottersfia]

study buddy

summary: classic study "date" fic, rodrick desperately needs help in english and y/n is happy to help. lots of fluff in this part. both 18

the end of senior year was quickly approaching and rodrick was sick and tired of his parents bugging him about his grades. it was the third quarter of the school year and senioritis tended to affect many people around this time but rodrick had been a victim since the day he stepped foot into high school. 

"if you want, we can work on this together?" rodrick looked over at you who was sitting next to him in his art elective class. you had been talking about your english assignment which, despite you being in honors english and him in regular, was the same. the book they read for the quarter came with study guide questions for each section of the book which eventually would help for the final book report. 

"you'd help me with that?" he asked you. you smiled and nodded.

"sometimes working with another person makes it easier." she replied. he smiled back and the deal was set. you would go over to his house 2 hours after school and start your assignment.

these 2 hours consisted of rodrick frantically picking up in his room, taking an abnormally long shower, considering it's rodrick, and begging his family to not say or do anything weird or embarrassing. a pretty girl was coming over to study with him!! suddenly as he applied deodorant for probably the 10th time already, he heard the doorbell. 

"i got it!" he yelled and rushed downstairs. he quickly caught his breath and looked through the peephole on the door to see you patiently waiting for an answer. he sighed and opened the door. you smiled as you looked up at the boy. 

"hey, y/n." he said. 

"hi, rodrick." you replied. the two of you stood in a few moments of silence stupidly smiling at each other. just as rodrick opened his mouth to break it you were interrupted by a sweet lady who cheerfully greeted you. 

"you must be y/n! come right on in." she smiled and made way for you to step inside, you did so.  "i'm so glad you're here to help rodrick, he's been struggling for quite some time."

"mom! can you please stop talking." rodrick loudly interrupted her, making you slightly laugh. 

"she is a guest in my house, rodrick, i want to greet her. my name is susan, honey. if you need anything i'll be right down here." you smiled again at her. 

"it's nice to meet you mrs.susan, thank you." you replied. 

"ok we have to go, bye mom." he walked towards the staircase and turned around to you. "you can follow me." you nodded and waved bye to susan following rodrick to his room. 

"keep that door open!" she said. rodrick groaned and you laughed again. 

"she's really nice." you said.

"annoying is what she is." he let you walk into his room. you looked around and smiled to yourself as you realized his room screamed rodrick. there were band posters everywhere, dark bedsheets, the floor was cleared off but magazines and comics, a few water bottles, and forgotten school books were scattered around his bedside table and desk. 

he closed the door quietly and sat down on the edge of his bed saying, "you can sit down i have my stuff," he reached to his backpack that was on the floor and pulled out his notebook and the book you were assigned.  you nodded and sat down on the desk chair that was right across from his spot on the bed. you pulled out your stuff too. 

"so i guess we can just start with the questions, do you need to review what we read today?" you asked. he nodded. you smiled and continued on explaining the events in the book.

rodrick was so mesmerized by you. he appreciated your want to help him with his work but how could he focus on anything academic with you right in front of him? he stared at the way you fidgeted with your fingers as you talked. he stared at how perfect your hair looked. he stared at your lips and thought about how good they would feel to ki-

"rodrick?" your voice snapped him out of his trance. 

"what?" he kinda shook his head as he regained focus sending a fluttery feeling to your stomach.

"i uh, were you listening?" you asked.

"oh yeah. i heard everything you said." he tried to lie but you saw right through him. 

"really?" you asked again. he lifted his hand to rub the back of neck a bit.

"i heard maybe half of what you said?" he replied, pretty unsure this time. you smiled and laughed.

"what are you so distracted by?" you asked. it was you. you were distracting his focus from the work but how could he just say that? he shrugged and turned his head away looking at absolutely nothing on the right side of his room.

"maybe if you sat next to me it would be easier." he said and turned back again to see your reaction. you were a little confused or taken aback maybe but nonetheless you stood up and joined him on the bed. 

"is this better?" you looked right at him and he looked back. you gave him a small smile and despite his heart feeling like it was beating out of his chest, he smiled back.

"yeah, i think so." he practically whispered sending another flutter to your heart. 

the two of you continued with the review. laughs and smiles were exchanged constantly and it was probably the most you've ever enjoyed doing school work. 

"you're doing really good rodrick, you just needed to focus some more." you smiled after he got another question right. 

"it's definitely because of you." he replied. you playfully bumped his shoulder and looked for another question to ask. 

"ok let's do another one." 

"i think i should get something for doing so good now." he said. you gave him a questioning look.

"like what, candy?" you replied. he shrugged. then you had an idea. it was a very corny idea but an idea nonetheless. the two of you were having a good time and it wouldn't hurt to ask, yolo right? "what if i give you a kiss?" you kinda cringed a bit at your words but tried not to let it show, anxiously waiting for his response.

the boy was stunned. his eyes widened and your words replayed in his head over and over. "a kiss?" he asked. "really?" 

"only if you want though. it's pretty dumb i don't know." you looked down at the paper in your lap but his words made you look back at him.

"no, it's not dumb. um. yeah, that would be great motivation." he nervously laughs. you laughed back.

"but it has to be after getting 2 questions right." you said. he agreed, and for sure, he got 2 questions right. 

"you've turned me into a genius, y/n." he smiled. 

"you're definitely reaching nerd status." you laughed.

"well, you gave me the best motivation ever." he replied. now it hit you, you actually had to kiss him. you tried to hide the nervousness from your face. there was no turning back now. you turned to face him, crossing your legs on the bed, and placed your hand on his shoulder as you leaned in and gave him a quick peck. he looked at you as you leaned back.

"how was that?" you asked. he was quiet for a moment a little shocked that this was happening with the girl he liked but then he snapped out of it.

"i-i don't know. maybe you should uh, do it again just to be sure." he answered, making you smile.

"if you insist." you leaned in and let your lips meet again. this time it was more than a peck. his hands rested on your cheeks and yours around his shoulders. you melted into the kiss taking in the moment as the butterflies that you constantly felt seemed to go crazy. 

once you finally parted for a breath the two of you couldn't stop smiling at each other. 

"yeah, that was pretty good." rodrick said. you gave him another quick kiss but just as your lips touched the door opened. 

"hey kids, do you want- oh." it was susan and you instantly jumped away from him. "didn't i tell you to keep the door open?" 

"mom! just go away!" rodrick stood up. 

"ok ok, sorry." she walked out but made sure to leave the door very much open. as soon as you heard her footsteps fade away you couldn't help but laugh. rodrick turned to you. 

"sorry, that was a lot." you said. he laughed too and sat back down next to you. 

"i know i'm sorry." he said. 

"it's ok. i just need to make sure to kiss you when there aren't any family members around." you said.

"i agree 100%."

[saltofmercury]

if your request are still open maybe a lil könig angst with a miscommunication trope 👀 if not i still love your writing! every piece blows me away 😄

here’s something small because I’m feeling like poop!

“You said you would be done an hour ago and our movie starts in 45 minutes!”

He’s sitting on the couch grumbling about going to see the movie before the previews. His leg, bounces up and down as he checks the time on his watch again.

“I’M GOING!” You yell back, trying to either pin back your hair or wear a hat. You decide on a hat and head downstairs. It’s so funny hearing him say 45 minutes early is considered late to him.

“Ok I’m ready, let’s go.”

You guys drive to the movies, hearing König rant about how they gotta get the good guy right. If they don’t the whole series is going to shit. You mentally prepare yourself for the questions you’re about to ask him because you don’t watch superhero movies… until he came along.

On the way back from the movie, you’re sitting hearing König complain about the movie being changed.

“Listen it’s BAD enough they changed the whole plot but did they have to make the bad guy a good guy? It makes no sense!”

He’s annoyed, pissed off at the fact that they change his comic book stories once again. You're just happy that he’s able to talk you through them —his brain is a whole encyclopedia of comic book knowledge.

You butt in, just for a quick second.

“Can we grab some frozen yogurt before we head home?”

He sighs, mumbles something about “being annoying” and makes a u-turn.

You’re stunned, kind of taken aback at the fact that he would say something like that. He’s always in the mood for dessert so it doesn’t make sense as to why he would say that.

He goes on about how producers are there to give money, not take away from the movie. He’s still babbling about it when you arrive at the store.

You reach the store, but the cravings are gone, replaced with anxiety, sadness, guilt.

“Come on schatz let’s go.” His tone has shifted again, you’re unbuckling your seatbelt, not wanting to stand there, pick out a flavor you want let alone toppings.

You can feel your stomach hurt, because if you’re being annoying for asking for yogurt, you’re probably even more annoying for picking out these things.

He walks through the store, already knowing what he’s going to fill his cup with — chocolate yogurt, Oreo toppings, and strawberries. He always gets the same thing.

You put the cup back, chewing on your lip, and tell him you’ll skip today.

“What? You wanted this.” He says, scooping up more Oreo topping on.

“I think I’ll skip, I'm sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry schatz.” He says it, not looking at you but the toppings again. He’s aware of your cravings, maybe you’ll want ice cream instead, and there’s plenty of that at home.

The drive home, he’s fumbling with his yogurt, while you’re fumbling with your emotions. What did you say for him to call you annoying? “Being annoying” replays in your head, you haven’t been called annoying since middle school.

You’re back at the house, quietly excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. You’re so hurt because why would he call you that? Why is he being so mean?

You decide to shower alone, letting him scroll through his phone at other movie reviews. You’re dressed and ready for bed, turning on your side without giving him a warning, as he peeks through to the bedroom.

“What?! It’s bedtime already?” He asks

“You didn’t even tell me to come shower with you schatz…”

“Hello?” He tries again, but you’re focusing on pushing back the tears.

“Schatz, hey…” he comes around your side of the bed, and you crumble.

“What’s wrong baby? Are you not feeling well?”

You sob, feeling so pathetic, not wanting to answer him.

He rubs away the tears, there’s a pain in his heart, hoping you’re just feeling sick, wanting some time alone.

“Y-you called me annoying… I don’t wanna bother you I’m sorry.” You manage to whimper out.

He looks at you with wide eyes, unsure of when he called you that because he would never tell you that to your face. He knows about being called annoying. From his father, his classmates, his older brother.

“When did I say that?”

“W-when I asked for yogurt.”

The conversation replayed in his head, when you asked for yogurt in the car, he was calling the producers of the movie annoying. Not you. Never ever you.

“Baby I wasn’t calling you annoying I was talking to myself you’re not annoying!”

Your sniffling stopped for a bit, but you’re back again, covering your face with your hands, feeling the heat in your face. Now you feel stupid.

“Come on, you’re never annoying.” He pets your face and hugs you, feeling like an asshole. How could you ever think that? He consoles you the entire night, feeling so shitty you could ever think you’re annoying to him.

[thewatcher-ofmedia]

🔥CHARACTER REVIEW TIME🔥

(Can you tell that my portuguese teacher didn't come so I have 100 minutes without shit to do)

ANYWAYS, since I'm in the 4th episode I think it's a good time to see first impressions

MAIN CHARACTERS

CHARLES

I love him so much, like I was 10 minutes in and saying "I would die for you, I would kill for you, just ask and I'll do it"

Favourite character obviously

Wanna put him in a jar and protect him from everything bad in the world

He's brunette, has curls, is the sunshine character, has daddy issues and uses humour to cope so obviously he's also on the list of fictional crushes

Also something that I absolutely love about this show is that they pick this "stereotypical characters" and make them better.

Like, in this case the always happy character would have a ton of trauma but the show (or the characters, but that's a talk for another post) would not acknowledge this, they would show real depressed shit and then completely ignore it for the rest of the show.

Or just show it in the end of the series then kill him off.

But here they're letting people know from the beginning AND it's visible that the fact that he hides it is gonna be a major plot point in the show which makes me SO HAPPY

And in the loop scenes they made sure to focus on Charles face and reaction every. single. time.

Anways, I'm soo curious to learn more about his trauma and death and to see his character development

And he's so cute and trying so hard to make sure everyone likes him and lighten the mood and to not be a bother and to make everyone happy and I'm gonna cry

EDWIN

I also love him so goddamn much

He's also going in the jar, don't worry I'll protect you from everything

He's my baby (he was born more two hundred years before me and is my age BUT HE'S MY BABY)

Seriously someone needs to sit him down and say that everything is going to be ok (and get death the fuck away from him, my boy does not deserve hell, he deserves to be with his boyfriend best friend)

Also love this concept that everyone around him knows he's not straight, he knows that he's not straight but somehow he's still in the closet. Like, he never says he's straight, but he says to Niko that Mounty and him both boys, so one cannot be into the other and when Niko says that boys can like like each other he just turns the conversation around

I think they're writing that so well. It's subtle yet obvious, it's so good

Also, he's autistic, definitely in the spectrum. He obviously doesn't know because the first diagnosed case of autism was in 1943

And the dynamics that he has with everyone is SO GODDAMN GOOD

CRYSTAL

Someone give this girl an aspirin, a therapist and a bed

My girl cannot catch a break

One more in the protection jar, don't worry, I'll find your family for you, you need to rest

Overall great character, she's sassy, she's funny and she's the only emotional intelligent one

She's definitely gonna be the bridge for Edwin and Charles' romantically relationship

Like she's Miss "Edwin is acting weird because he's jeaulous of the sexual tension that we have, Charles" and Miss "Charles got stuck in the loop because he has strong feelings towards abusive fathers because he had one, Edwin"

Really love that we have someone to smack this idiots and say "You're in love with each other" because they are not gonna realise that by themselves

Also, DAVID GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER, SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. I'LL GET THE CROSS, I SWEAR I'LL DO IT.

NIKO

She's so cute, I wanna protect her from this cruel, cruel world

This means that I already have her in the jar, no one else is gonna get to her

At first I thought she was gonna be this really closed and introvert character that was gonna talk when absolutely necessary and was a bit emo. But like her hair her personality lightened up as soon as the parasites got out (she was sick it's normal that she was wuth a really depressed attutude but Bea's too focused on the story to remember how people act socially)

I really wanna hug her, I need to

Also love how eager she is to help and how she has nothing to do with the boys , she's a "cas closed" but even Edwin can't say no to her

I feel like her "almost dying" trauma is gonna be a bit underrated (although I see that they are not completely ignoring because of the 3rd episode where she felt like she couldn't deal with death since she almost met her the week before) but I want to believe the opposite because until now the show has not disappointed me in terms of traumas (or in other terms really)

SIDE CHARACTERS

ESTHER

I don't have much to say, I like her in the twisted "this is a fun villain" way

I'm really curious to know more about this Lilith and immortality thing

She did loose some points in my book with the whole torturing the crow thing

I am ✨️traumatised✨️

CAT KING

I'm so confused about his character

Like, he's a really fun character

And his outfits are great

But at the same time, get the fuck away from Edwin, in both the scenes with both of them I was so scared that he was going to the "no consent" zone

I do love that both the scenes where he's in he slays the outfit, tries to drag Edwin out the glass closet, fails, keeps him trapped so he can try to do this one more time and goes away

Like, he has one objective and one objective only and honestly, respect

JENNY

My patient queen

I have not much more to say

She accidentally adopted two really weird teenagers and regrets that so much

I respect her so much

As an older sister, if she snaps, grabs a knife and kills them both out of annoyance I would support it

That's it 🫶

If you haven't understood yet I have way too many thoughts about this series

[nebmia]

Reviewing every rpg book on my shelf: 1, Dungeon Crawl Classics

Everything about this game is absolutely dripping with bonkers maximalist bombast that makes me excited to play. To start with book itself is nearly 2 inches thick. Is that practical? No! does it feel like you've got an ancient tome full of roleplaying possibilities? Absolutely.

In a world tending towards minimalism and 'polished' production its so good to have somthing thats just big and fun and unapologetic about not being what it is.

DCC's dice are a microcosm of everything great about it. Not only do they come in shapes they never taught you about in maths class but they also all come with a fun little bonus. One of my sets comes with a stat block for a monster, while the other has a ridiculous table of reality warping effects on which you roll ALL the dice in the set, and inevitably send your campaign careening off into madness. (and it has a frame story about a stoner wizard in a magic van).

And then there's the actual contents of the book, which is probably about 80% spells and ridiculous tables. And the spells are just so good. Each one takes up a a least a full page on average and gives a range of results according to how well you roll, from 'it missfires and things go horribly wrong' at the bottom, through 'it does about what you would expect' in the middle result ranges, to 'actually, this is almost too much' if you manage to get a roll in the 30s.

Alongside being sick as hell, this also has a satisfying effect of keeping low level spells relevent and interesting as their effects scale with the strength of the caster on a variety of axis.

related to spells is the 'spell duel' procedure. I have no idea how well it runs at the table, but the idea that when two (or more) wizards fight their spells can interact and you can use any appropriate spell to try and counter another spell is so increadibly compelling.

Ok, enough gushing about vibes. what about actually playing? So far what I have run is the 'level-0 funnel', which is probably what you have heard about if you have heard anything about DCC. The premise is simple: randomly generate 2-4 level-0 peasants for each player, send them into a dungeon, and then take whoever survives and level them up to become your characters for a campaign.

Not only does these lead to much hilarity as a mob of townsfolk bungle their way through danger but also really fun problem solving as the players work out how best to navigate problems with a shoehorn, a bundle of wood and a live chicken.

Specifically, what I have run is Sailors on the Starless Sea, which is correctly recognised as THE introductory module to use. Its a nice sequence of somewhat open investigation followed by a excellend sequence of bombastic set pieces, all the while giving the players lots of scope to come at things ininteresting ways. It can get a bit unwiedly trying to manage such large number of characters when they do run into combat but if you plan ahead a bit and use various tricks (it would be useful is more of that advice was in the book rather than coming from forums) it is manageable.

And to return to vibes one last time: the art in these books is just so good. We could not be further from the slightly stiff generic highly rendered fantasy art of wotc era d&d. Its all fantastically old school fantasy, so full of character, and just the right amount of rough around the edges. My only slight complaint is that this does include a little too much of old school fantasy art's treatment of women than I would like...There are still prenty of sensibly dressed women and i'm not about to decree that no sexy fantasy women are allowed but the dial is a little further in a direction of objectification that I would like.

[theboarsbride]

bro I love clowning on BookTok and how silly stupid BookTok books and trends and tropes are, but I am sick and tired of this 'all BookTok is is porn' discourse.

Like it just reminds me of Twilight discourse, and it stinks of misogyny. Just let people read what they want??? It's not that hard to find a book YOU want to read and look the other way? It's not that hard to engage with BookTok content that can cater your FYP to YOUR book tastes? Also just stop demonizing porn/sex work and those that use those services? Because unless it's depicting something genuinely harmful/hateful/etc. then what does it matter? BookTok critics need to give readers more credit, tbh, because more often than not I feel like adults can differentiate what is real and what is fiction, and can distinguish what is or is not a toxic relationship but still engage with certain material because they like tropes, are exploring kinks, need escapism, etc.?

Like people waste so much time fretting over porn and spice in books. In that time you could have found a dozen more fantasy or sci-fi books that cater to your tastes! As an AroAce person who is discomforted by ideas of sex, I don't engage with smut or spicy books because it's not my cup of tea and I know my personal boundaries. That's it. I just go find books I WANT to read, then! It isn't rocket science! It's ok to not like smut or be uncomfortable with sex scenes/discussions about sex - it's ok! But to go and demonize those who DO like reading that kind of material is hella stupid.

If you really wanna have a discussion about the ick of BookTok then maybe discuss how toxic the publishing industry can be to its authors, especially authors of color, and how it expects authors to work like machines to pump out bestsellers, valuing quantity over quality, or discuss the harm of authors being in review spaces and how this leads to readers facing threats, doxxing, harassment, and then being too scared to share thoughts on books online.

You peeps waste more time worrying about spice and smut when you can just be whimsical and let people enjoy what they wanna enjoy.

Anyways,,,sorry if this is incoherent i'm just feeling VERY salty.

[elionwriter]

Sherlock Holmes the Awakened: a Review

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Sorry, sorry, sorry, but I just NEED to talk about this game! I have been a Frogwares Holmes fan since the very beginning and 'The Awakened' was always among my favourite titles. Not to mention one of the games that had scared the wits out of me. So I have to speak about the Remake now.

First and foremost, I think it needs to be reiterated that this game was made DURING THE FU****G INVASION OF UKRAINE! During such dark times, the team kept working on this. I would have supported this game even just for this reason alone.

Now, let's be honest: Frogwares never had the most marvelous graphics nor the most polished of gameplays and this entry is not an exception. I still feel the map system is a bit difficult to navigate (I may be an idiot, but I had the same issue with Chapter 1) but I really appreciated the added help the game gives you when you're recreating a scene, letting you know which passage you got wrong. Last game I found myself changing everything trying to hit the right combination so I really liked this fix.

This needs to be said: the game doesn't feel under any shape or form a product for a new fan. Everything from dialogues to game mechanics sort of take for granted that you've at least played 'chapter one'. Honestly? I'm ok with this, I hate having to always go through nearly identical tutorial stages for games I know inside out (like Pokémon) and I believe that most of not all people who are going to get this game ARE old fans!

I wasn't originally a big fan of the new Holmes and Watson models when the last game came out but....I dunno, they have grown on me. I find myself liking them now for, I suppose, no other reason than 'they are very expressive' and 'I've gotten used to them'. I think it's gotten to the point that these might be my favourite models of the two to date. Please ignore how fickle I am! (In honesty, just to draw a similar parallel, when Roger Craig Smith was first announced as Sonic's voice I hated it and now he's my fav Sonic v. actor)

This game has something.....compared to its predecessor, that makes it less scary. I can't really put my finger on it, but I distinctly remember the feeling of claustrophobia building in me when I was in the Black Edelweiss. Or the sheer jumpscare I got when the sacrificed American detective on the altar had tentacles coming out of it and severing his head making it roll to the ground. I remember almost not wanting to paddle the rowboat under the tree of hanging men in the Bayou. I remember how viscerally sick I felt at the lighthouse by all the gore and blood depicted. This time round.....I just didn't. I'm honestly not sure why this didn't hit me nearly as hard as its 2006 predecessor did!

And talking about comparisons, one thing I'm a bit disappointed they didn't grab the chance to do in this remake was fix the loose ends that were left hanging in the 2006 version. I mean....they still abandoned completely the search for that one Maori servant, what happened to all the people they managed to rescue? Who hired the private American detective that was killed? Why give out the cheap pendants? I know I'm a bit dumb and need extra explaining than what is necessarily needed but...I can't be the only one right? Sometimes you want to be told just a bit more.

Now, getting into the really good bits, that make all of it worth it!

'Chapter One' acted as a 'de facto' reboot of the Frogwares Holmes series, and I honestly think that was for the best. I don't really see where they could have gone with things after 'Devil's Daughter' and their Holmes had changed too much to be the same guy from 'The Silver Earring'...let alone Watson. But like this? They have a fresh, clean slate to start off from and they can rebuild the two mains' relashionship and lore from the ground up in a more strictly consequential manner. And the way they are doing it? I think it's state of the art!

The fact that they poke fun at themselves on certain points like Watson stating: "What about when you used to roll up only one of your sleeves? Did you get bored halfway through?!" I think the Devs themselves realized this was a cringe design choice and I like that they said so out loud.

The meta-conversation they wrote in towards the end, 'because yes, this HAS Happened before and the story still has the same outcome', is brilliant. I don't think I've ever seen another remake that acknowledges that it is a remake, and in the general madness that is mounting in the narrative this makes perfect sense! It adds one more layer of horror and inexplicable to the tale. The villain's warning 'that the Final Problem is coming and Sherlock will fall in the abyss too' is such a powerful way to use Canon. The prophecy is only made more real and dreadful by the fact that this person is aware of what has already happen in a similar but different scenario!

Also, not them using that one quote from 'The Valley of Fear' novel which happens to be one of my all time favourites!

I say, Watson,’ he whispered, ‘would you be afraid to sleep in the same room as a lunatic, a man with softening of the brain, an idiot whose mind has lost its grip?’ ‘Not in the least,’ I answered in astonishment. 'Ah, that’s lucky,’ he said, and not another word would he utter.

I think the thing that has most benefited from the Remake is Watson's character. Compared to the 2006 version, this Watson is a truly compelling character in his own right and this time round he's not just along for the ride. In this version, you simply cannot imagine how Holmes would have done it on his own. Watson was in every way a key component to the solution of the problem and the reason why Holmes didn't drown in madness. That point is driven home by Rochester asking 'How did you defeat me?' and Holmes answering 'I made a friend!'

Much of the narrative in the game was focused on Holmes truly learning to accept Watson's friendship and him as a person when he was still clinging so much to his old imaginary friend. You can see how, at first, Holmes refuses to be honest with the Doctor about what he thinks and feels and it's only as they move forward in the adventure that they both open up to each other. You can see as the adventure progresses that Holmes shifts his desperate cries from 'Jon' to 'Watson' to 'John' and the Doctor goes more and more often from 'Holmes' to 'Sherlock'. Mycroft also points this out when he says that Sherlock 'went from one Jon to another'. But this one, John Watson, is real and there to stay. In the context of a story that happens mostly in the detective's mind, Watson's friendship is really what turns the situation around!

I could add of little tid bits which were so random and on the nose that somehow worked, like the possessed 'Heidi' doll or the fact that you had to actually 'Kill Holmes' with the booby traps instead of avoiding them.

Also, "The director Guygax was randomly killed.....by a doll?!????!?!?! Yeah, let's just walk out of here no questions asked. That's too deep a wormhole even for this f***d up Adventure to go down. I'm sure nobody is gonna ask us questions, suspect or stop us as we go out the main doors!" 😃 -Holmes, probably.

So, yeah, I loved this game despite it not being perfect and my love and support goes to Frogwares more that ever!

[eddie-van-munson]

Metallica Lullabies (Eddie Munson x Reader)

***********

Requested by: @jaiuneamesolitaiire

Summary: When the Reader finds herself unexpectedly pregnant, she debates whether or not to tell Eddie. Should she risk him feeling trapped? Or should she just disappear?

Warnings: Angst (Hurt to Comfort), Steve Sets the Reader Straight, Cursing, Refrences to Drugs, Non-Descript Mentions of Vomiting/Morning Sickness, Mentions of Hospitals/Doctors.

(I will get a "Read More" cut in this ASAP. Requests are OPEN.)

***********

"Y/N, you've got to tell him. He deserves to know."

Eddie hadn't meant to overhear. He really hadn't.

He normally drove home, but the van was temporarily out of commission, so he'd decided to walk through the woods to the trailer park. It was easier that way, and there was a trail he could follow through to the other side.

You'd told him you had tutoring, but there you were, sitting at a picnic table in the woods with Harrington. You didn't seem to be reviewing equations.

"You know I can't do that."

Steve ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "So what? You've already broken the poor guys heart and now you're just gonna leave town?"

Your voice cracked, "It's not like I have much of a choice, Steve! I've got about a month and then it becomes pretty fucking obvious!"

Eddie's heart plunged into his stomach. Leave town? A month?

"You do have a choice, Y/N! Sit down and talk to him! Tell him the truth like a goddamn grown up!"

You buried your head in your hands, expression crumbling a little. Eddie's head was spinning. He wanted to march out of the woods and ask what the hell was going on.

Steve sighed, seeing your eyes welling, and sat down. "Listen, Y/N..."

You quickly blinked away the evidence of your tears, trying to save face.

"Eddie's a good guy." Steve insisted. "A great guy. He loves you. He'd drop everything to take care of you, Y/N. You know that."

You shook your head, "That's what I'm afraid of."

Steve frowned.

You took a deep breath, "He'll drop out the minute I tell him. I know it. He'll want to try and get a better job." You paused, "He's worked seven years on that diploma. I'm not going to be the thing that keeps him from it."

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, thinking.

You swallowed the knot in your throat, "He'll put the band on hold and Hellfire and everything he loves. I can't let him put his whole life up in the attic because of this, Steve. He's got a million plans. Beautiful plans."

"Did you ever think those plans might involve you?"

You went silent, eyes welling again.

Steve took your hands, "Hey...look at me." You met his gaze, hesitantly. "This is a choice you're going to have to let him make, ok?"

You nodded pitifully, and Steve gave a soft smile.

"So, you're going to talk to him, right?"

You paused, taking a shakey breath, and nodded.

Steve grinned. "Atta girl."

***********

Wayne wasn't there when Eddie made it back to the trailer. He sighed, laying flat on his bed and looking up at the ceiling. What the fuck? What the fuck?

What hadn't you told him? He'd known you'd been distant since you'd broken things off, but he'd thought maybe you were busy or you felt awkward about it. But now you were leaving town? Because you'd had sex with your best friend and regretted it? Oh god, did you regret it?

What did you mean about putting his plans on hold to take care of you? Were you sick? Holy shit. What if you were sick? Like, really sick. Hospital sick.

 He worried himself until his eyes grew heavy, his stomach aching. He had a furrow in his dark brows when he finally drifted off to sleep.

***********

You couldn't keep any dinner down. The thought of going to Eddie's plagued your stomach, making it rocky and volatile.

Or maybe that was leftover morning sickness.

You'd been friends with Eddie since you were in 7th grade. You'd been in love with him since the 8th. You'd been pining after that curly headed, stupidly endearing boy since you were 14.

You'd finally cracked a few months ago. You'd been staying over for the weekend with him while Wayne was out of town, indulging in as much weed, junk food, and Family Video rentals as the two of you could possibly enjoy.

He'd looked so pretty there, his cheeks pink and flushed from the weed. You watched him for a long time, admiring the flutter of his thick lashes as his eyes grew heavy. He held you closer and closer as the night went on, and before you knew what had happened, you were kissing him. His lips were soft, and he tasted like candy and weed. His hands were warm as they traveled over you, and his touches were comforting. Familiar. It was as if he filled a deep ache as you finally took him inside you.

For two months, you made up for lost time. You slept in each others arms and whispered I love yous against one another's skin as you drifted off. You combed through his curls gently with your fingertips when he didn't take care of them well enough for your liking. He pulled you into needy kisses that ended too quickly because he was smiling too hard. You sat in his lap and let him teach you chords on his guitar until your un-callused fingers ached, and he kissed them better.

But then your period was late. The first time, you ignored it, assuming you'd tracked it wrong. The second month you missed, panic settled in your belly.

You took two drugstore tests, and each one marked itself with two little lines. Surely, it was a mistake. You and Eddie were safe. Well...you were most of the time.

It wasn't until a doctor pressed a sensor to your belly and a pulsing beat transmitted onto the screen that it sunk in. A heartbeat. A baby growing in your stomach. Yours and Eddie's.

You sat in your room and cried for the rest of the night, clutching your stomach. Not because you were angry or upset, but because the moment you'd heard the sound of the little heart beating inside you, you'd fallen in love with it. Deep in your chest, you knew you could never give it up.

You'd be a mom at nineteen. You'd have no money. You'd live paycheck to paycheck in shitty apartments and eat frozen dinners.

You couldn't ask Eddie to make the same decision. You couldn't let him make it out of guilt, either.

So, you didn't tell him. You broke up with him, trembling and holding back tears the entire time, and threw up behind the trailer on your way out. Thank god he hadn't heard.

You'd even planned to pack a few things in your car and drive to Indianapolis, hoping to get out of town before you started to show. Maybe you'd come back in a year or two when the baby was born. Maybe he'd understand. Maybe he wouldn't be angry.

No. Steve was right. You couldn't take that choice from him.

The more you thought about it, the more things you'd stared to imagine. You imagined Eddie holding a bundle of blankets, smiling down at a tiny face with a grin. You imagined him humming Metallica songs like they were lullabies. You imagined tiny, curious hands tugging at his curls, making him giggle.

You loved him. God, you loved him so much. You couldn't leave him. Not your best friend. Not your Eddie.

So there you were, trembling as you walked up the steps to the trailer. Wayne was gone. You'd noticed the missing truck in the driveway as you opened the front door with your spare key.  "Eds?....Eddie?"

You wandered around the silent trailer, your heart aching when you finally found him sprawled across his bed, fast asleep. You sat beside him, his eyes fluttering softly as you grazed your thumb over his cheek. Your perfect boy. He loved you so well. He always had. Eddie hummed, his gaze focusing on you, and you gave a soft smile, "Hey, baby..."

His hand drifted up to hold yours, cradling it to his cheek. His eyes closed again as he  enjoyed your touch. "I've missed you."

The corners of your eyes stung, "I've missed you too, Eds."

He snuck a hand around your back, giving your shirt a soft tug to guide you down into his arms. You rested your head on his chest, your forehead nudging into the crook of his shoulder.

There was a long silence, his hand rubbing up and down your back soothingly. He'd missed your body warmth. He'd missed the smell of your shampoo and the flutter of your eyelashes against his skin. He swallowed thickly, trying to bring himself back in.

"Why are you leaving town?" His voice was soft. Pitiful.

Your lips and words were warm against his throat when you spoke. "What?"

He sighed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with one hand. "The van broke down this morning. I had to walk to school and back through the woods."

Your eyes went wide, and you sat up to look at him in the eye. "You heard Steve and I talking?"

He nodded, giving your hip a squeeze. "Yeah...I did."

Your brain short circuited for a moment, unable to regroup your mental index cards to read off to him.

 He tucked some hair behind your ear, seeing the look on your face. "It's ok." He sounded so gentle. "I'm not upset with you. Not at all. I just..." His trailed off, eyes still heavy with sleep. "Can you start from the beginning for me?" He looked so sweet. So understanding and patient that you could have cried.

You gave a watery smile, admiring him for a moment in disbelief before leaning down to grant him a soft, shy kiss. He sighed happily against your lips, allowing himself to indulge in you for a moment. He pecked your lips one last time before you pulled away, looking so fondly at you. "Missed that too, you know..."

The smile you gave was so tender that he felt like he could faint. A longing settled in his throat. A desperation to keep you right here beside him. 

You took a deep breath, trying to let his body warmth seep down into your bones. It was Eddie. Sweet Eddie. He'd understand. He always did. He loved you.

"Eddie, I'm pregnant." You whispered, croakily. Your eyes shined with nervous tears.

You watched as he processed the words...an ever so slight furrow in his brow as he put two and two together. His eyes were wide when they met yours again, "A-Are you really?"

You nodded.

His heart skipped a beat as his head still struggled to comprehend. "And it's mine?" His voice broke, eyes glossing.

"It's yours, Eds." A tear rolled down your cheek as you watched his brain work through what you'd just thrown its way.

"You're really...I mean, you're not bullshitting me or anything? I'm gonna be a d-..." His words cut off, a tear finally rolling its way down his cheek.

"I don't...I don't want you to feel like you have to be, ok? I mean it." Your hands were shakey as you fiddled with the zipper of his jacket. "I don't want you to do this if it's not what you want. I know keeping it...it's going to be really fucking hard, Eds, and I'm not going to force that on you."

Eddie felt like his ears had been stuffed with cotton. Your words sounded fuzzy and distant to him now, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. A baby. A baby.

"H-How big is the b-...?" He whispered, unable to find his a voice. "How far along?"

Your throat tightened as you watched his blank expression, tears streaming steadily from his big brown eyes. He was overwhelmed. You could see it. Really overwhelmed.

"About three months. Fifteen weeks." You held his trembling hand in your own, soothingly. "The doctor said it's about the size of an apple."

Eddie gave a soft sob at the information, sniffling as he scrubbed the tears from his face. "Does she kick yet? Can you feel her?"

You tucked some hair behind his ear, trying to soothe him. You smiled, chuckling softly. "We don't know if it's a girl or a boy yet, Eds."

"It's a girl." He croaked, giving a faint smile up at you.

You laughed, "How do you know?"

He shook his head, "I just know." His smile was more sure now, his thumb grazing over your knuckles passively.

You took a deep breath, letting your muscles relax a little. He wasn't angry.

"I haven't felt any kicks yet, but they're supposed to start in the next month or so."

He gave an amazed chuckle, holding his temples for a moment before looking back at you. He wrapped a hand around your arms, helping you sit up on your knees beside him. "I want to see you. Please let me see you."

He sounded so desperate. Your heart fluttered as you grabbed the bottom of your shirt and pulled it off. His eyes trailed over you so lovingly.

Your tummy looked almost the same, the only noticeable difference being an ever so slight swell to it. His expression was unreadable as he laid a gentle hand on you, his rings making you shiver.

"Holy shit, Y/N."

You swallowed the knot in your throat, insecurity creeping in. "I know I don't look the same. I understand if you-"

"I love you."

Your eyes widened at his groaned words, "What?"

"You look so fucking gorgeous. Jesus H. Christ, Y/N. Fuck..."  His hands were warm and big on your belly and he was looking at you like you hung the stars. "Look at you."

You gave a soft sob at his loving words and his heart ached, pulling you down again into a needy kiss.

"I don't understand." He hummed against your lips, hands exploring your hips. His words were breathy. "Why didn't you tell me? Why were you going to leave town?"

You rest your forehead against his, memorizing how pretty his eyelashes looked when they were stuck together with tears. "I didn't want you to feel trapped. You shouldn't be forced to make the same decision I am. And you shouldn't make it out of guilt."

"Guilt..." He whispered, his eyes clouded with thought.

You pressed a kiss to his pink nose, "I-...I love you so much. I love you so much. I never wanted to leave you. I broke it off because..." You swallowed thickly. "I was scared of ruining your all of your plans. So, I decided to try and hide it. To break up with you and leave town before you could see the bump."

His brow was furrowed as you tried to explain yourself. He took your trembling hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I can still leave, if that's what you need."

"Y/N, no-"

"I mean it, Eddie. I won't be angry." He had so much sympathy and confusion in his eyes as he looked up at you. "You have so many beautiful dreams, Eds. I'm not going to take them from you-"

"Y/N. Stop talking."

You went silent, staring at beautiful Eddie Munson. Memorizing him as if you'd never see him again.

"You keep going on about my plans and my dreams, babe. This...You? You're a better dream than any of that shit, ok? It pales in comparison. Loving you? Loving a baby? That's a million times better than anything I could have possibly thought up."

Tears welled in your eyes and you gave a soft sob, he cradled your face, wiping your tears. "B-Better than The Garden?"

He grins, tears welling in his own eyes now. What did he ever do to deserve you? To deserve someone so protective over him and his dreams that they were willing to do anything to keep them alive?

"Fuck the Garden, babe. I'm gonna be a dad."

***********

[chrisairgames]

Outer Rim Marches, #0.1

In January, I started a westmarches campaign for Mothership RPG. This is the first post in a series of play reports and mini-reviews I intend to share of the campaign-in-progress.

Let's call this post "Zero Session #1," in a series of Zero Session posts, where I'll get into the how/why of organizing and running this campaign.

Why? Well, I own a ton of Mothership modules. I've been playing and writing for Mothership RPG for over two years, yet most of my sessions became playtests and that "work-only" connection to the game was burning me out.

So, I decided to build a sandbox campaign around the physical MoSh games I have in hand, and to find folk to play at an open table.

For now, ok, sure, it's more of an open table sandbox for interconnected one-shots than a "true" westmarches game, especially since the game has only one GM (me, but I'm hoping to open that up soon). But Outer Rim Marches sounds cool, eh?

Initial Forward Operating Base (F.O.B.)

The PCs arrived at Sater's Redemption. They work for The Company, who hired them to represent their new presence amid a mess of other factions, and leases a ship, The Orpheus, to the Crew.

(We decided the official corporation name of The Company that owns their ship will be revealed in play. That hasn't happened yet, eight sessions later. I love hanging this important piece of worldbuilding in the balance for when it can have a bigger narrative impact. Not knowing wtf is going to happen is one of my favorite parts of running ttrpgs.)

The Crew's job: explore the Outer Rim to establish footholds in new trading hubs (F.O.B.s), discover novel exploitable resources (artifacts), capture profitable exobiological lifeforms, and spread the influence of The Company.

The above graphic might be familiar to folk who follow my substack, the 5 Million Worlds Rokaner Report. Each month, I release a free sci-fi adventure setting, and this station was the featured world in the April edition. A taste of things to come.

Game Organization

When I set out to recruit players, the first important bit was setting a firm, regular playtime. When people reached out, I sent them the Consent in Gaming fillable PDF to get an idea of collective Lines/Veils. Once I got that back, I sent a google survey to gauge interest in modules and game commitment to split folks into ping-able groups.

The playtime is working out well. We had one three week break, I was out sick one time, and only once did we have not have enough folk to play. Ten sessions out of a possible fifteen since January!

I kinda fucked up the module-interest part of the survey though. I listed module names, and without content tags this was pretty useless for the players (outside the BIG names, like Hull Breach). I intend to redo this survey soon, and I'll share a copy here when I do!

The player commitment bit was super helpful, at least. Since I run games on Discord, I split players into three groups: the Command crew who vote on which job to take, the mainline players are the Crew I ping each week to advertise the game (I make an "Event" in Discord), and and a final Cryo group to call on when games don't fill up right away.

This has worked super well for me, even when I drop the ball on giving the players the Event ping in advance.

The Sector Map

I built this hexmap using Sectors Without Number, which is a sector generator for Stars Without Number. I opted for this against the recommendations of Mothership's Warden's Operation Manual because in a westmarches campaign, from what I've understood, the world is meant to be established once the game begins. I think this is especially important should other GMs and player groups begin playing in this world.

To be blunt, I found using this is kind of annoying. There's a lot of irrelevant SWN info to delete, TONS of systems to hide individually, and it's pretty intensive to integrate module info into the systems.

In short, listen to Sean McCoy's advice in the Warden's Operation Manual if you're starting your own Mothership game and don't fucking do this, haha.

And to be honest, I'm not sold on this even being useful as a sandbox tool intended to be shared with other GMs, even. The verdict is still out. To be continued in another Zero Session post down the line.

ANYWAY! This map looks empty, but that's because it's the player-facing starcharts the Company gave them. PCs need to buy hyperspace route maps at various hubs to explore beyond these bounds. So the star and hyperlane layers hold loads of hidden info.

Feel free to poke around the current state of the sector.

And I do like the shift from a web to hexmap. Little swirls of points get me all crossed up. The Jump-drive distances in Mothership are amenable to using hexes, and tracking distance (i.e. time passed) is straightforward.

ORM Campaign Sneak Peek

Mothership space travel takes a long-ass time, in case you didn't know. To date, we've played nine adventures over ten sessions, and over two years have passed in the campaign world.

The players skipped over a lot of systems to go to Hardlight, which they've recently learned is on the edge of the Public Sector (from Hull Breach). Gonna be some interesting sessions coming up.

The next Outer Rim Marches post will be the official ORM#1, in which the players board the lauded Year of the Rat.

[moth-eats-paper]

UPDATEEEEE

I've made it to season four so here's an updated log of the Magnus archives thingy mubob (this contains spoilers :3.)

Oh the pig no no like you sir

Oh god I guess this pig is a weird thing

THE CIRCUS?

Oh god not more circuses

Oh dear I think the pig has decided to eat clowns now

Oh self cannibalism

Whelp the pig ate someone

Loud sound

The eyes doing it's thing

JOHN DOING THE THING WITH THE EYE

Tim keeps scaring people

Tims not ok

OMG TIM STATEMENT

Tims brother went missing

I don't think it's Tim's brother

Whelp he's gone

Oh clowns know

OH DEAR CLOWNS

I don't think that's your brother Tim

Oh blood

Oh dead clown

Oh no more skin .

Oh famous clown

Tim and Elias drama

Oh we're in China

Oh creepy opening

I wonder. Is this in Chinese? I know that the eye can allow you to read other languages in order to obtain more knowledge. Even if you never spoke that language or were able to read it you just suddenly are able to.

Oh screams

Nevermind I'm pretty sure it's in English cause it seems the person writing it is a British soldier

Does he have the black plague?

OH DEAD BODYS IN THE WATER

Oh-

This is a sad man

“True and total war”

GOD DAMMIT NO CIRCUS

HE CAN READ MANDARIN AND AND CHINESE NOW (cause of the eye)

IT WAS FROM 2004 NOT 2014

Oh the proper one's are in America

Space station time

I wonder if this is the same space station as the one Gertrude read

I think she kept talking about it in one of the statements well more specifically the guy who it is from

We love Melanie (even though she keeps trying to kill Elias but she has a good reason)

FAIRCHILD IS BACK

IT IS THE SAME SPACESHIP BUT JUST A DIFFERENT GUY

Because the one Gertrude read was the isolation guy. This is about the other two people who were on the ship

Oh god the space weird space hands are back I think

Oh blood

Oh he's bleeding

Oh god he's just going to let himself die

Old screaming things

Don't envy the isolation guy he had a really shit time

Whelp now he's in limbo space

OH SOMETHING'S BLOCKING THE STARS

Oh deep thoughts

Melanie is thinking deep

She's skeptical of stuff

Oh dear

IS HE STUCK IN SPACE

Viscera I think is how to pronounce her name?

MARTIN HAS A CRUSH ON JOHN?

Viscera and Melanie are gossiping and I'm here for it

Oh performance review

OH GOD ELIAS

JESUS CHRIST ELIAS STOP LEAVE POOR MELIAINE ALONE

WHAT DID HE DIE OF

WHY DID YOU GIVE HER THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIM DYING

THAT'S TERRIFYING

He can just make her watch her dad's death!

I want texas toast I'm going to go make some

JOHNS IN AMERICA

Whelp he's being followed by a police officer

And Jared's “death”

GERTRUD WAS ARRESTED FOR BREAKING INTO A MORGUE

He just has to read statements to make him feel better

A screaming oven lovely

OH THERE'S A FIRE

OH A TRAINS ON FIRE

What do you mean you'd burn them?

John is better!

OH SHIT IT'S THE POLICE

WHAT IS THAT ACCENT

OH MY GOD ITS THE VAMPIRE HUNTER

YIPPEE MARTIN

I fucking hate Shakespeare

Lovely more masks

Poor Tim

And Melanie

AWW

OH SHIT

SOMETHINGS HAPPENING

PETER LUCAS IS BACK

Lucas seams so silly

Viscera gets really excited about her reading and I love that about her

Mmm more statements

I'm pretty sure John just asked for a statement because he was starting to feel sick lol

MORE VAMPIRES (I think) YIPPEE

His accent is kinda hard to understand

BODYS IN BOX

Spoopy people

Love how she calls the vampire hunter old man

Oh bodys on table

Silent screamers

OH WATER

Staby stab

Oh she killed him

OH SPOOKY THING

HAHAH DOLL THING (why is his voice kinda-)

More Marten :3

This girl sounds like an asshole

THIS PERSONS TRANS TDZSDHUGDZ

That is a long ass name

“Spiders are eating” PFF

Oh don't walk into people's jaws

Mmm Japanese spider movies

YOU HAD TO TRY AND CONVINCE YOURSELF HE ONLY HAD TWO ARMS

Oh spoopy

Oh they found A Way to distract Elias

A leitner?

JARED

Jared is cool

Jared's mom was an ass

Hmmm more things to kill and torture everyone

I keep forgetting meat is in this

Jared is so sad

MURDER

YIPPEE VISCERA

We're back in America and they found a bomb and the taxidermy or what's left of it

John and Tim drama

YIPPEE TIM A JOHN ARE OK

Oh tunnels

Bomb time

The meats back

LITENER

No more arm

And now he's in the water

PFFF

HELEN

Aww

YIPPEE SPOOPY

Meeting timeee

Gurtrud tape time

Wolfgang?

Puppets?

I think this is from a older time in europe because of the writing and how it is worded

DON'T GO

Mmm more robotic things

OH GOD A STAGE

Mmm birbs

BLOOD

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CURL YOUR LEGS INTO A FIST

Funsies

Oh he's being protective of martennnnn

PLANS

SECRET PLANSSS

JOHN STATEMENT HDHJDGKDVJHK

Awww john

ITS LIGHTENERS

Melines to relatable

MELANIE STATEMENT

MARTIN NFSUSSTUDIY

TIMM

Aww goodbye Jarey

mmm masquerade

MARTIN!!

“sorry Elias I can't hear you there's a DOOR in the way” I love marten

Hehehe bomb

Oh god marten don't die

OH GOD THAT'S NOT WAX WORK

MARTIN NO

ELIAS FUCK YOU

Uh oh

SILLY MUSIC

WHAT'S HAPPENING

Mmm nothing is everything and everything is something

God what is happening

EYE THINGGGG

TIMMM

TIM SET OFF THE BOOM

Oh

What the fuck is this

He's not responseuve

Oh eye always watching

ELIAS STATEMENT?

(I'm listening to this for a second time)

Hehehe sad man

Oh

Oh dear

THE ELBOWS DON'T WORK

The sky?

Oh

OH

Ma ma that's not edible

I don't want the box to sing

NOT THE COFFIN

Oh tunnel

Hmmm blood

TRAIN TIME

Hmmm watching

WHERE'D SHE GO

Oh dig

DOOR

Ants?

Oh

He screams

Who are we watching?

MARTIN

What

ARE TIM AND DAISY DEAD?

Bye Eliasss

PFFFF

OH

Lucassss

YIPPEE PETER

NO TIM AND DAISY ARE DEAD

Season 4 babyyy

Oh

Poor marten

This is so sad

Oh

WHAT

WHAT DO YOU MORE GOODBYE

First actual episode of season 4 :3

Oh?

WHO IS THIS

WHAT

WHERE

YOU SAW JOHN IN A DREAM?

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Oh statement

He sees how people die funnn

“What am I?” I ask that often

Oh

OH

Ship into the middle of nowhereeeee

MEMENTO THING

Snakes?

Oh

Nevermind it's death

Why ya calm

Oh

Did you accidentally kill a bunch of people

Nope

YOU GOT A GUN?

YOU KILLED THE CAPTAIN!????

oh

OH GOD YOU KILLED EVERYONE

This is this Oliver guy

SPIDERS

Oh

That's funnn

Oh boy

Melanie (I think it's her)might have scared him off

Oh

OH

JOHNS AWAKE?

Zombieeee

I keep sending the homophobic vase because I can

oh no it was gorge

AND VISCERA

Magic tape?

JOHN!

HIII JOHN

oh

6 MONTHS

He's very confused and I can see why

Hehehe eye thing

Statement timeeee

YOU CUT SOMEBODY'S HANDS?

I think this dudes on something

Maybe

Idk any more everything is odd

YOUR BEING FOLLOWED MX STATEMENT PERSON

Oh

This person's a little silly

Awww I love John

Even though he keeps making have deep thoughts

THEY CAN'T FIND DAISY'S BODY?

Oh oh god marten are you okay buddy

Oh

Aww

He miss his boyfriend (I'm desperately waiting for them to get together)

W E B yippee

Oh god meline she's very traumatized

Oh

Oh that hurt

OH MY GOD THEY'RE GETTING ATTACKED BY THINGS

(Not at the moment)

I think everyone's losing it

HE JUST CALLED HIMSELF THE ARCHIVIST NOT “Johnathan Sims head archivist” JUST THE FUCKING ARCHIVEST

EVERYONE IS EITHER DEAD, PART OF SOMETHING, FUCKING LOOSING IT OR ALL THREE.

[waitmyturtles]

The Old GMMTV Challenge: The Master Post and Explainer

Updated: May 21, 2024

Hello! Welcome to The Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC), my personal syllabus and journey through the most important, and/or impactful, and/or seminal of Boys Love (BL)/Series Y dramas from Thailand.

I started watching Thai BL series in 2022 with the airing of KinnPorsche. From there, I dallied with shows that were referenced across Tumblr -- but I didn't dig into learning about the genre as a whole until I watched 2021-22's Bad Buddy, and was thoroughly moved by it in countless ways.

I subsequently learned that Bad Buddy was, in large part, constructed to communicate with tropes and expectations established previously by the genre. In order to get to a point where I could appreciate Bad Buddy in all of its historic glory, I therefore decided to start from the top -- to watch Thai BLs in chronological order so as to help me better understand the tentacles of this young genre. I was also impacted by a post from a BL Tumblr lifer, @absolutebl, who talked in 2022 about current shows by the GMMTV network, the biggest producer of BL dramas in Thailand, that were answering for mistakes made in the early Thai BL days.

Bad Buddy is a GMMTV show -- but in order to learn fully about the genre, I've created a syllabus of shows and movies that spans well outside the GMMTV network and sphere of influence. In the spring of 2023, I crowdsourced information about Thai BLs from the INCREDIBLE BL community on Tumblr, and came up with the syllabus below.

This syllabus is ever changing, especially as this young genre (which was arguably born in 2014 with the airing of Love Sick) continues to explore itself outside of its male-and-male romance genre boundaries, by centering women and/or non-binary individuals, and even leaving romance behind for horror, suspense, mystery, crime, and more.

Besides watching dramas on this syllabus, I'm also in the process of reading English-language books and articles about the Thai BL genre and its influences in Thailand and across Asia on queer and non-queer communities, as well as on the most marketed-to BL audience in young women. Links to reading materials are below the syllabus.

If you're looking to learn more about BL, this is but one resource to use. There's an incredible community of bloggers here with vastly more knowledge than me about the history of this genre. This is only my path, and I encourage you to explore the corners of Tumblr to create your own Thai BL journey!

The Drama Syllabus and Review/Meta Links

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here)

21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)

31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 and part 2) 37) Honorable Mention: War of Y (2022) (for the sake of an attempt to provide meta BL commentary within a BL in the modern BL era), with a complementary watch of Aam Anusorn’s documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy (2020) (thoughts here) 38) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 39) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows (review coming) 40) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) (watching)

41) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 42) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 43) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 44 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 45) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 46) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 47) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 48) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 49) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 50) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake)

51) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 52) 23.5 (2024) (GMMTV’s first GL) (thoughts here)

Additional Reading Material

Dr. Thomas Baudinette, Boys Love Media in Thailand

Dr. Peter Jackson, Queer Bangkok

Intersections: Gender and Sexuality in Asia and the Pacific -- Issue 49, Thai Boys Love (BL)/Y(aoi) in Literary and Media Industries: Political and Transnational Practices, June 2023

[swangtup6]

Demo Review: Fenriz - A Funeral of Light (1996)

Ok so there's like no info on this band online that I've found, I have a policy of not reviewing NSBM (for the record) and the Polish scene (where this band comes from) is a minefield of sketchy politics but as far as I know they're clean. If im wrong abt this lmk n ill look further into it. all ik is that this demo goes hard as fuck

The first thing I want to talk about is the production, actually. This is DEFINITELY raw black metal. Everything sounds muffled, like it was recorded under water, you can barely hear the snare drum, you can't hear the cymbals at all, and the vocals are completely drowned out by everything else. All in all, it's lovely. I think the minimalistic sound makes for pretty perfect kvlt black metal, and this band is a huge inspiration for my own project, actually.

Next up has to be the guitar work. The guitar playing on this demo is phenomenal, with plenty of menacing riffs, eerie melodies, etc etc. I think the production serves the guitar particularly well as it gives it a kinda otherworldly feeling (like on Burzum's first demo) and the minimalistic songwriting let's the guitars stand out as the driving force behind this demo.

The drums are the only other instrument audible, so we're gonna talk about them next because we have to. The drumming is great, whoever drummed on this (metal archives says all of the instruments were played by one person named Thorn) can play with the best of them in this genre. The drumming is written well too, with plenty of blasts and a healthy dose of slower bits. It all feels natural and fluid, and only being able to hear the kick and the lower freqs of the snare drums is honestly a pretty cool effect. It's like the drum production on Transylvanian Hunger turned up to 11, with only the pieces of the kit absolutely necessary to get the rhythms audible.

The vocals are also fantastic. Thorn utilizes a somewhat-pained sounding high rasp that sounds totally sick and manages to cut through the thick guitar pretty easily. It almost sounds like the vocals are sitting on top of the instruments but in a cool way not a shitty production way.

Overall, this is one of my favorite black metal demos ever. I'm not going to give it as high of a rating as I think it deserves because I have to stick to my principles on how I rate these things or I'll rate everything 10/10, but it's easily like a 9/10 in my heart. I wouldn't recommend this to a newcomer to the genre, I don't think it's an essential listen even for experienced black metal fans, but it has a special place in my heart for being ridiculously raw, well played, well written, and all around dope as hell.

7/10

standout track: The Blaze Mountain

[luaspersona]

hey y’all, how have you been?

i know it’s been a while, and i know i promised a fic that was supposed to be posted earlier this month and that it’s been some time since i dropped a review. but a lot of stuff happened and i realized that i needed some time off. during that time, i reflected a lot and considered not returning, maybe only posting the seoul town road story and going offline for good. eventually tho, i understood how much i missed reading and how much i couldn’t really stop coming up with ideas and outlining some stories — i like this and for the most part, it makes me really happy.

but i wanted to talk a bit about the stuff that made me second-thought coming back. i wanted to be open about stuff that’s depressing and demotivating in this community, especially because i’ll change a lot of things about how i interact here.

this will be a long text, but it’s really important if you follow me. i wanna make it clear tho, before anything, that i’m speaking for myself here, and myself only.

⇢ the first thing i wanna say is that i’ll be generally less active. i used to think that in order to become a popular blog or whatever i had to be chronically online, posting all the time and all. after giving it some thought, i can't really tell if that's true or not, but the thing is: i don’t have the mental health for it. so i won't push myself. but also, if you write something and want me to read it, please send it to me! shamelessly and guiltlessly promote your work! i probably won’t see it on the feed, but i’m always open for recommendations, i just don't have the time to look for it anymore.

⇢ i’ll also go through my followers and block anyone who doesn’t have their age displayed or looks like a bot. no questions asked. this isn’t a blog for minors, and i wanna protect myself. understand how tumblr works if y’all wanna be here.

⇢ i will finish and post seoul town road soon. please be patient. 

⇢ lately, i’ve seen a lot of wonderful writers deactivate due to lack of interaction and support. i understand we’re here working, writing and sharing for free because we *chose to*, but it's hard to speak to the void. so please, don’t let this become a place where authors are talking to themselves while feeling unsafe due to plagiarism or hate. i understand the reasons why someone might be a silent reader, but... just don't make the authors you like feel alone, y'all (i can write some tips and general guides for reviewing and interacting with writing blogs if y’all are interested).

⇢ ok, so… i thought a lot about whether or not to talk about it. it was already super messy, even if i wasn’t online at the time and didn’t see it happening (i'm sorry if this is just repetition, and i bet y'all are sick of it). but ultimately, the main reason why i hesitated to come back was because of what happened to M, so i kinda need to vent about that.

M was one of the oldest blogs here, always open to chat and interact and doing god's work for our horny and sentimental souls (shape of your body is actually one of my favorite stories ever and made me realize a bunch of stuff about myself to the point where i quoted some of it to my therapist at the time), and y’all came for them in such a nasty, violent way, misgendering and attacking a person that, upon first being called out for writing something insensitive, was immediately open to discussion and hearing what y’all had to say (regardless if it really was insensitive or not, the discussion was more than welcomed by them).

what shocks me the most, is that y’all are supposedly from a fandom of a bunch of dudes who once wrote problematic stuff, but educated themselves after accepting criticism and changed. if y’all understand that our oppressions are systematic, y’all have to understand that everyone has stuff to learn and stuff to let go. i say that as a black woman, who once used to perpetrate racist shit because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a bi woman, who once used to perpetrate biphobic and queerphobic rhetoric because that was how i was raised and taught. i say that as a human being, who once used (and probably still do to some capacity) to perpetrate prejudice and problematic behavior because that was how i was raised and taught.

this is not to say we should forgive and forget whenever someone says stuff that’s wrong or suspicious, but sometimes people really don’t understand that what they’ve said is offensive or from a place of unfamiliarity (not sure if that's a real word), and if we gave the boys the benefit of the doubt and still supported them (and are now being rewarded with their care and attention) why can’t we do the same for ourselves? not to mention how transphobic most of y’all were, all while calling someone out for doing something you deemed problematic, like ??? fuck y’all tbh. seeing how they were treated, and learning about the tea blog made me physically sick. someone who has always been such a light in this community being dragged from one (debatable) mistake — which they acknowledged and apologized for — made me depressed af.

it all made this look like stan twitter, where every interaction feels like an attempt to expose someone and draw hate towards them. this makes me feel unsafe as hell. and i don’t know… this whole environment is not as it used to be. there were a bunch of nice projects i wanted to share, i was working on jade’s profile for a nice little thing i wanted to do to support the writing community, i was working on monthly recs, but… idk. i’m not saying i won’t do them, just saying it might take longer for me to feel comfortable here again.

⇢ i know i'm no one. i'm a little blog from the corner of our community, and i barely have enough followers for all of this to mean anything. but this is still my blog, and it's still a place that was supposed to feel good. and i want to have some control over it, even if no one cares necessarily.

anyway. i’m depressed, and i’m saying stuff i might regret, but. yeah. that’s it ig. i'll return slowly and i missed y'all, especially on discord, and i'm sorry for vanishing. i'll also be rb this for the next days to make sure that i reaches everyone i want it to reach.

[haleylover]

Nervousness..

•Christian Borle x Fem!reader.

•In which you get cold feet when performing a kiss scene with your co-star and he helps you with it.

•Word count: 1,071

•Warnings: uhh idk :\ tons of fluff.

•A/N: there is no real song called 'Love in New York' or musical. I just pulled those out of my ass so yea.

ENJOY!

---------------------------------------------

"Alright! That would conclude our rehearsal tonight. I expect to see you all here Memorized on Thursday, the 10th. Goodbye!"

I started to grab my things as my fellow cast members left the studio. As I was crouched down picking up my phone and water I felt a presence next to me.

"You did great on your song today Y/N." I look up to see my love interest, Christian. I stand up and smile. "Thank you! You did great as well." I said to him and I saw him smile even more and nod.

He had his stuff in his hand and we were about to leave before we heard the voice of our director, Stephanie.

"Hold it you two. I want to work on the song." Me and Christian turned towards her, both muttering "What song?"

"Oh you know, 'Love in New York?' Surely you two have tried it?"

Oh shit..

"Yeah a bit, I reviewed over it." Christian said to her and then looked at me. I have seen this musical so many times that I know the song like the back of my hand, what bothered me was.. the kiss scene at the end of it..

"Yeah I have." I muttered out in a monotone voice. The director nodded and flipped through her binder.

"Christian do you need to be on book?" He shook his head and muttered a "No." She smiled and we set our stuff down and went back out to the middle of the studio floor.

"Great, so we'll start with singing then work in some choreo, then we can work on the scene after, ok?" We both nodded and she grinned at us. She started the music and we got ready.

I started off first with singing and tried my best to stay and beat and tune. Christian then joined in and sang with me.

The song ended and the director did small claps. "That was great! You know I'm not worried about the singing. Ugh, I'm not feeling like running choreo this late. Let's work on the scene at the end."

Those words hit me in the face like a brick. Now my mind was fogging with the kiss.

"I have to use the ladies room, I'll be back." I quickly ran off the the restroom and locked the door. I ran my fingers through my hair and panicked.

"I can't do it! I just can't! I don't have any experience at all with kissing! He's probably gonna think I'm some virgin weirdo." I was racing around the small room talking to my self. I started chewing on my nails and picking at them while just thinking.

I didn't even notice how much time had gone past since I left and I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, everything okay in there?"

It was Christian.

"Uhh yea! Everything is f-fine." God damnit! Why did I have to stutter?

"Okay.. Just checking up on you since you've been gone around 8 minutes."

"8 minutes?!" I yelped out loud. I heard him "Mhm" outside of the door. "I'll be out in a second." I flushed the empty toilet and washed my hands and dried them.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see Christian leaning on the wall in front of me. "Why were you waiting there you weirdo..?" He chuckled and got off the wall.

"Are you seriously ok? You seem off." He's catching on.

"How have I been off?" Please just let it go Christian.

"Ever since Stephanie mentioned Love in NYC. Do you not like that song or something?" He knows, damnit. What excuse can I use? I'm sick? No. Just having a bad day? Sure.

"Just having an off day." He gave me a look. That looks that a person gives you when they don't believe you. That 'Really?' Look.

"You may be a good actress but that wasn't very convincing. What's really wrong..?"

Oh. My. God.

What can I do now? I have no other excuses to pull out of my ass! Should I just tell him the truth? I mean he is a very smart guy..

"Look! I've never kissed a guy before and I don't wanna practice with you because I'm scared your gonna think I'm some virgin loser!.."

There. It's out.

He started chuckling and looked away. Is he actually laughing at me? I would laugh at myself but really?

"You think I'd judge you for not having your first kiss yet?! That's hilarious." He stated in between giggles.

"Well, if this is your first kiss I'd want it to be special." He moved closer to me. What's he doing? My throat got caught up when he leaned into my ear and whispered into it.

"Do you want to do this?" I just nodded. I didn't trust my words at this point. He smiled and caressed the side of my face. He licked his lips and I did the same. "Just follow what I do ok?" I nodded and he smiled.

He leaned in close. So close. Our noses were bonking each other and our lips were so close. Then, he pulled me in.

His lips were so soft and warm. I moaned into the kiss and pulled myself closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and just went with the flow. I could feel his arms wrap around my waist. It was so magical and the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy.

Suddenly he released from it. We both needed air. "That was, amazing... Thank you so much Christian.." I held both his hands.

"Well now would be an appropriate time to ask this, do you wanna go on a date with me?" He asked me. How could I ever say no to this man. Well, at least I could give him a chance I guess.

"Sure. Just text me and I'll be there." He pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my forehead. I inhaled his scent and just relaxed. "Oh wait, Stephanie is probably waiting for us."

"Oh shit your right."

We both let go of the hug and rushed back to the studio where of course, Stephanie was there.

"Have fun? Well, we'll just continue this next rehearsal. Go home you love birds."

I blushed and Christian giggled and went over to grab our bags.

We both left the studio hand in hand out to the parking lot.

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the end!