People getting mad I have boundaries about tattooing my art, anons being mad because I'm "shaming them" when the art I made makes me mentally uncomfortable later, people using my art for their blogs even after several friendly attempts to express I don't like it
No wonder artists leave
This stuff is pretty benign compared to how others are treated, but I'm not going to deny that it really chips away at my enthusiasm
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Pay attention to who’s voice it sounds like in your head that’s beating you down. Who’s calling you stupid? Who’s saying you’re worthless? Does it sound like someone in your past and/present? Does it sound like someone you trust or does it sound like someone who you can’t? Does it sound like someone who knows and loves you or does it sound like someone’s misinformed and doesn’t care? Does it sound like the voice of reason, or does it sound like a shitty little bully?
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also would bet real and physical money eugene’s “quit being shitty and misogynistic” statement was about the people i’ve already seen giving ariel hell for the hypothetical scenario of potentially trying to work on her marriage, i personally would like to point eugene in the direction of the person who said that this meant that “ariel isn’t a victim” and let him wreak havoc
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Me, upon receiving one (1) SORTA mean, maybe-off comment out of hundreds of super nice comments that I love, now staring for even MORE hours at the draft of the next chapter I need to write: Well, fuck. Now what?
Also Me, .02 seconds later, gritting my teeth and strategizing: Well, I write this fanfic for me. This is my fanfic. People can think what they like. I will take this comment and use it to think of new ways to improve my writing, but I will not internalize it. I write this fanfic for me. This is my fanfic. People can think what they like. I will take this comment and use it to think of new ways to improve my writing, but I will not internalize it. I write this fanfic for ME. This is MY fanfic. People can think what they like--
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gaaaaah i’m just so so so obsessed with the transition from ‘shy and soft’ to ‘self-aware and absolutely furious that he isn’t the main character but refuses to give up and acknowledge that without a fight’. like i think it’s neat that kieran kinda leans on the fourth wall in some places (his critical hit dialogue in the last fight against him having him be like ‘what, are you the hero of this story or something?!’) bc it’s been demonstrated how he loves stories and him seeing himself as a character in one (the whole ogerpon thing and him directly comparing himself to her as a misunderstood victim)
just. it’s so tasty. how he ends up being the toxic bully himself instead and doesn’t realize that for so long bc he saw himself as the hero here. it hurts so bad that we had to put him in his place bc he was out of control but it’s such a delightful tragedy. like i have never felt so bad about being the main character before. i’ve never wanted an npc to punch me so badly
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
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