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ierotits · 1 year

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if u don't mind answering (just ignore if you feel weird about talking about where you live and stuff online) but I noticed you talking on that walkable cities post about living in a village that's well served by the train network and I've noticed you mentioning things off hand in the tags of a few other posts talking about American approaches to stuff vs everywhere else and it's got me interested as someone who's always lived in Europe but has quite a lot of family in Aotearoa, if I understand right you're living in rural France rn? Are you originally from South Island?

I'm always interested when I travel to see how American influences are slightly different in different places and never quite how you imagine before you go. Does Europe seem pretty americanised to you? I know the first time I travelled to Auckland I was really surprised by the approach to cars ect reminding me way more of past trips to America than my childhood in various semi rural places in Europe. Mainly that cars are a lot bigger and trucks and offroaders are more of a thing than i was used to at home and even tho a lot of cars were Japanese, the design seemed really American to me.

Anyway I guess I'm interested in differences in general rather than just city planning/transport. I guess I've just found it interested seeing that cultural leak from America in different ways than I'm used to?? The impact of American culture on Europe was really clear growing up so I think before I got old enough to travel I'd just expected it to be the same everywhere but it really isn't!! It has always felt to me that Australia has a lot more of that American influence in like business spheres?? Politically it certainly seems more American than other countries nearby. Whereas as a whole a lot of European countries seem influenced in different ways (which makes sense considering close distance between countries and the eu and all) But yeah fascinated to hear if you have any opinions on the like having (I'm guessing here?? possibly travelled to Europe as an adult after growing up in Aotearoa???? which is kinda the opposite of my experience)

okay finally going to try answer this bear with. its a good ask!!! putting this below the cut because it could get long

for context on my response, gotta do an overview of my living situation! i am currently living in a medium sort of sized city in france, around 150k population? but i work in a tiny village a 20 minute drive out of town, which is serviced by the train system. from what i can tell, most little villages like that have a small train station that a TER goes through quite regularly, so when there isnt strikes its easy to get to and from the closest city, which is then connected to everywhere else

in aotearoa i live in a city about double the size of the one im in now (wont say which one but im sure it isnt too hard to work out) grew up in a small town, but lived in the city for my later childhood, teen years, and uni so most of my life experiences were there, only came to france last year

in terms of transport, aotearoa is definitely more americanised than europe, as far as i can tell as someone who has not been to america, just spoken a lot on this topic with american friends.

in france, everything is so easily accessable by train. every town and city has a train station, the rail speed means nothing is more than about 5 hours away (my experience anyway). the trains run enough times a day that theres always something (except for the strikes atm but thats a different circumstance.) in bigger cities, there is always a fast, regular, seemingly reliable tram or metro system that gets you anywhere, while smaller cities like mine have a bus system that works, but i never use because nothing is any more than half an hours walk away. i have barely been in a car since getting here, because it really just isnt necessary, the whole system is designed to not rely on cars

for aotearoa, its basically impossible to travel between cities or towns without a car. there are intercity buses, but even between my city and the next closest one, which i know MANY people who make that trip regularly, the intercity bus goes once a day if youre lucky. theres very few passenger trains, and most of them are expensive tourist ones made for sightseeing. basically to get anywhere outside of your city, your options are very expensive slow not regular bus, or get someone to drive you. in my city, theres a bus system that is pretty widespread, you can get everywhere but its expensive, not reliable, and the buses dont go very often except on the very busy routes. if i walked half an hour in my city, i would cross maybe 5% of the city, it was a 40 minute walk to school in high school while it was a 5 minute drive. it got to a point when i was 20 that it was too expensive, took too much time, etc to catch the buses everywhere, that i ended up having to buy a car. the cities, from my experience, are becoming more and more car reliant as the years go on, and all the city does is add lanes to roads

in terms of everything else, i feel like france and aotearoa are both americanised in different ways? politically, france seems to have been quicker at pushing towards this governmental system where your options are far right or center pretending to be left while pushing the country right. france also has similar issues with the militarization of the police force, over investment in the military, gun violence, etc. it doesnt seem as bad as america to me, but then i potentially dont have the full story. while aotearoa has many issues with the police, and an increase in racial bias and violent responses, most of the more extreme american issues dont seem to have developped as quickly. i truly think a lot of that comes down to the labour government the last few years and the changes to gun laws post christchurch attacks. there are, of course, small groups in aotearoa that are leaning towards american ways of thinking, specifically thinking of brian tamaki and his evangelical cult that is directly copying from the american mega church, and the antivax shit that happened the last couple of years

its difficult to really tell to be honest. i feel like in aotearoa, especially with the rise of the internet and online connection to other countries, it has become a lot easier for our population to start to fall into american ways of thinking. i mean, specifically with elections i regularly have to explain to people my age that voting for the green party isnt a throw away vote here like it is in america, the way our voting system works is that you can vote for whichever party truly represents your interest. i genuinely think thats one of the things thats kept us from being pushed further right, the prevalence and strength of the green and māori parties. the revitalisation of māori language and culture has certainly helped too, that we have so many allies helping keep us in the forefront of our country and its politics, we cant just be swept under the rug and ignored. im proud of the way that we have managed to stave off the total disappearance of our culture and instead turn it around to become one of the most visible parts of the country

tldr, i really think both countries have and havent been americanised in different ways. i know less about france as ive only been here a few months, but i do think aotearoa is so far doing what we can to actively work against america's more negative elements being incorporated into out country. just wish we would do that with transport too

#i really dont know if any of this makes sense #but it really has been making me think!#ask #anon

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chilligyu · 3 years

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info: lee jihoon/gender neutral reader, pg, best friends to lovers au genre: fluff, romance | word ct: 5.5k warnings: none summary: when it came to love, no one was prepared. not even jihoon, who could spend hours turning words into magic, especially when love was mysteriously delivered in the form of a letter to his locker. note: heavily inspired by to all the boys I've loved before, but with a twist! no love triangles or anything like that, so just enjoy awkward people falling in love! and thank you to @dreamystuffers and @starlightjoong for taking a sneak peek and telling me what you think!

tagging: @xfirebenderx, @moriiyun, @ohmygoshcheese, @gyu-log

Lee Jihoon, a genius in many ways, was never good when it came to words. At least, not the spoken kind. The kind that you had to think up on the spot, responses, answers, comebacks, small talk, he was absolutely terrible at it. But if you gave him the time to think, to really dwell on his thoughts, he could create something truly beautiful. Which was why he preferred to express his feelings with letters. And while, yes, he could pen something magnificent, the next great classic novel perhaps, he typically kept his messages short and to the point. Much like the man himself.

There was one time that he wrote a “letter” that was simply—

F U C K Y O U

—printed out on seven separate sheets of paper and taped to a row of lockers. All in response to a teacher confiscating his iPod. No one could prove it was him, though, and nothing happened in response to it. He never admitted to his crimes, and despite it being painfully obvious who the author of the message was, there was no hard proof pointing to the culprit. It became the most well-known secret at their high school. And Lee Jihoon became somewhat of a living legend because of it.

The only one who knew the truth was you. His best friend. You were his go-to when it came to proof reading all of his letters. He was the writer, you were the editor. Half the time you were also a berating parent, chastising him for trying to assault people with words. Which was also why, more often than not, his letters never got sent. He would sit in his room for hours, writing letters that were either half the length of novels or only a few sentences long, and after giving it over to be edited, it would get tucked away in his desk drawer. Never to be seen or heard from again.

See, Jihoon was an emotional person. Not in the sense that most people would assume, he didn’t get offended easily, one mean comment wouldn’t leave him crying, he was simply—emotional. Whatever he was feeling, whether it be good or bad, it was powerful, sometimes overwhelming. So instead of erupting like a hormonal volcano, which he had already done plenty of, he put his emotions to paper. At the behest of his aforementioned best friend.

“You can’t go around yelling at people.” You began one afternoon just after entering high school. “Even if you’re writing it down, you’re still yelling at people.”

Jihoon, the definition of “hard to read”, was visibly pouting. “You’re the one who told me to write down how I feel. Now I can’t even send these to anyone?”

“I mean, you can.” You backpedalled. “I’m not your mother, despite Seokmin’s insistence. I can’t stop you from doing anything you’ve set your heart to. All I can do is advise you not to because you’re going to have a terrible few years here if everyone hates you.”

He clearly wasn’t thrilled by your logical response, but he admitted defeat anyway. “Fine. Don’t send the letters that I write. I get it. No one wants to read them.”

You groaned loudly. “You are so dramatic. I’m saying don’t send the literal hate mail to people. Don’t send the stuff you write to vent out your feelings. But if there’s something you want to say to someone, something that you can’t bring yourself to say out loud, by all means! Send the thing! I know you loathe the idea of talking to people, you also hate being misunderstood more.”

He also hated how well you knew him, not that he would ever say that out loud.

That was also something he wrote down in a letter, one he decided to send.

You crumpled it up immediately and threw it back at his face.

“Letters are powerful things, Jihoon.” You added. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives with nothing more than words. Because words mean so many different things to so many different people. You just gotta say the right ones.”

At first, he was only humoring you. Honestly, he thought you completely senile until he gave it a shot. After spending hours hunched over his desk writing things no one else would see, he was starting to realize that maybe you had a point. Instead of roaming the halls shouting obscenities in his head, he was able to reassure himself by knowing he could write about it later. Even the smallest grievance, he would write it down. He would sometimes scribble it down on the margin of a textbook if he was feeling particularly overwhelmed in the middle of the day.

The letters became his therapy, his outlet, eventually he could stroll past some annoying upperclassmen and not feel rage coursing through his veins. It was—nice, almost. Not being subjected to his own hectic imagination at every turn. Feeling at peace for the first time in what felt like ages.

Until he found a letter in his locker, one addressed to him during his senior year. From a secret admirer. The contents of which would be seared into his memory for the remainder of time.

Lee Jihoon, it began.

I have never been able to tell you how I feel, in person or in a letter. For several months now, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to write letters like you for so long, and I just can’t get the words right. I don’t know how you do it. So I’m going to do something different. I’m going to stop being scared. If you meet me in the courtyard after school, I’m going to be brave for the first time in my life. Please help me be brave, Jihoon.

Again and again, he read that short letter. Practically baffled that someone out there wrote an honest-to-god letter that was addressed to an honest-to-god person. And that he wasn’t the writer, that he was the recipient. The thought alone made his heart race, and to comprehend that this secret admirer perhaps harbored feelings towards him? It was next to impossible. But no one writes a letter without true emotion behind it. That’s a fact he was coming to understand.

“I need you to come with me.” He told you after showing you the letter. “I’m—I’m not sure I can do this alone.”

You rolled your eyes. “Jihoon, obviously this person doesn’t want to make a public event out of their confession. You should really do this without me.”

“I know, and I’m not asking you to stand at my side or anything.” He reiterated. “Can you like—stand in a bush or something? If I know that you’re there I won’t feel the need to—"

“Did you just ask me to stand in a bush?” You guffawed. “You did not just ask me to stand in a bush Lee Jihoon because if you did then you’re about to get your ass kicked into next year!”

“I didn’t mean literally!” He quickly denied when he did, in fact, mean it literally. “Just—stand around the corner, okay? Be my moral support!”

Pursing your lips, you knew that there was no getting out of this. “Alright, fine. I’ll come with you. But I’m not happy about it.”

“I’ll pay you back, I promise.” He swore. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best?”

A smirk teased at your lips. “You could mention it more.”

“Consider it done.” Jihoon grinned, gathering up his things and heading for the door. “Don’t forget! After school! Courtyard! Don’t be late!”

Once he was gone and you were completely alone, your face fell in disappointment. “I wouldn’t dream of it…”

By the time that school was finally over for the day, Jihoon was a bundle of overactive nerves. He was excited and terrified and anxious and nauseous all at once. The bombarding sensations kept him cemented in place, gripping the edge of his desk until his knuckles were about to burst through. He had been like that for the entirety of their last class, still as a statue as a cold sweat broke out across his brow. You were standing in front of him, head tilted and wondering what he was planning to do next.

“Class is over.” You reminded him. “Everyone’s left.”

Very slowly, he nodded. “Y-yeah. I can see that.”

His voice sounded as if it had been completely stripped down. Like he had screamed himself hoarse by saying those few words.

“Your secret admirer is probably waiting.” You tried to spur him. “We should get going before I change my mind and head home.”

He audibly swallowed past a lump in his throat. “Well—maybe that’s best. Yeah, I can wait until tomorrow.”

You eyed him incredulously. “You’re going to stay here until tomorrow. You’re insane, get up.”

“I’d rather not.”

“And I’d rather not grow old and die here.” You countered. “C’mon, Jihoon. Your admirer asked you to help them be brave, how exactly is this helping them?”

He had to admit, you had a point. If they were brave enough to put their feelings out there, he had to at least meet them half way.

Sighing loudly, he started to pry his fingers off his desk. “Alright, fine. We’ll do things your way.”

You rolled your eyes for perhaps the hundredth time. “You’re absolutely insufferable. Why do I hang out with you?”

“Because I’m funny.” He said with the most serious face in the world.

Which actually made you laugh.

“I hate you.” You chuckled. “C’mon, let’s get going while we’re still young.”

Jihoon inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm himself down.

This is just the beginning.

Except—it wasn’t.

He stood in the courtyard, seemingly alone, with the note that brought him there clutched tight in his hand. As his moral support you were keeping your distance, as promised, but no one else joined you. Minutes passed and he did his best to remain hopeful. It was hard, especially when a familiar voice nagged at the back of his mind. The same one he struggled with every day to ignore.

No one would ever like you, so why did you bother thinking otherwise?

While the negative thoughts slowly took over, Jihoon didn’t know what to do next. He was defeated, almost destroyed. And even though you walked up behind him and took his hand in yours, it did little to stop the bitter tears from welling in his eyes.

“I should’ve known…” He whispered angrily. “This was all just—a joke. It’s always a joke. Who could ever like me?”

“Stop it, Jihoon.” You hissed at him, squeezing his hand tighter. “They said they were scared, maybe they couldn’t follow through with it. Maybe they were afraid of being rejected. You never know what’s going through someone’s head. Don’t beat yourself up, okay?”

Nothing you said was going to make him feel better. He quickly wrenched himself from your grip and backed away from you.

“I’m going home.” He clipped. “Bye.”

Before he left, he made sure to crumple up the note and toss it at your feet. When his heart was broken, he wore it on his sleeve. You understood what Jihoon was feeling, he had been living with an extremely low self esteem due to his height and his general inability to make friends for as long as you knew him. He was quiet, shy, reserved, he was slow to open up to others and hesitant to trust. That’s why you tried to be excited for him, and now that things hadn’t gone as planned in more ways than one your heart ached just like his.

The next day, Jihoon strolled into class like a drunk zombie. By the looks of him, he hadn’t slept a wink. Too busy being destroyed by his own thoughts to bother with anything like sustenance or sleep. He took up his seat beside you, and you immediately shoved your desk into his.

“Still upset?” You asked, even though you already knew the answer.

Sluggishly he lifted his head up and then quickly dropped it back down.

It was worse than you thought.

“Are you going to talk to me today?” You teased in an attempt to get a reaction. “Or am I going to have to go bother Hansol?”

Grumbling slightly, the barely responsive mass that was your best friend raised his hand and dropped a crumpled wad of paper on your desk. At first, you assumed it was just another one of his letters. They weren’t uncommon when he was feeling—unwell.

But it was another note from his secret admirer.

You were startled because he didn’t usually stop at his locker in the morning.

Lee Jihoon, it started similarly.

I’m sorry for not showing up yesterday, I was scared. I couldn’t bring myself to face you, please don’t be mad at me. I’d like to keep writing you letters, if that’s okay. Let’s get to know each other and maybe one day I can be brave again.

Once you were finished reading, you immediately began analyzing Jihoon’s face again. You had never seen him look like this before, completely vacant. While he was hard to read to the entire world, he was always an open book to you. Now reading him was nearly impossible even with your expertise.

“What are you gonna do?”

He shrugged lazily. “I don’t know. Sit here for the rest of eternity. Wait for the soft embrace of death.”

“Jihoon.” You exasperated. “We both know you’re not actually going to do that.”

Except he actually might and you actually couldn’t take that chance.

“Are you going to write them a letter?” You tried, again. “Maybe that will work out better.”

“I already did.” He murmured. “I don’t think they want to read it though.”

“Jesus Christ…” You groaned loudly, taking Jihoon’s face in your hands and looking him dead in his lifeless eyes. “They still like you, they’re scared and human like the rest of us, it is not the end of the world! Give them another chance and stop being such a goddamn drama queen!”

Silence. Pure unadulterated and perfectly aggravating silence.

“Alright, you leave me no choice. I’m bringing out the big guns.”

Being careful to keep an eye on the teacher, you pulled out your phone and started texting Jihoon’s mother. According to your message, you and Jihoon were going to be studying late at the library, and he would probably need to spend the night at your house. Which wasn’t a complete lie, maybe you would get some studying done. But, in all honesty, you had other things in mind.

“Take your pick.” You instructed, a box set in each hand. “Descendants of the Sun, or Record of Youth.”

Immediately after school, you dragged your best friend to your house and sat him down in front of the TV. Your parents didn’t even question it when you told them this intervention was a matter of life and death, that the patient might need to be admitted for the night. They simply let you do what needed to be done.

Jihoon, who had been relatively catatonic for the past 24 hours, finally showed a glimmer of something. He gave the slightest suggestion of a nod towards Descendants of the Sun and you happily popped in the first disk. As you claimed a spot beside him, popcorn and banana milk in tow, he naturally relaxed against you. You were the only person who got to see him unguarded like that, the only person he himself would allow. And while he was typically someone who kept his true self hidden from the world, there was a part of him that would forever belong only to you.

“Thanks.” He practically whispered, resting his head on your shoulder. “I—I needed this.”

“I know.” You smiled. “Are you ready to talk yet?”

He sighed heavily. “No. Not really. I still have a lot of thinking to do.”

“Well, if you need help thinking you know where I’ll be.” You offered without wanting to seem pushy.

If you weren’t mistaken, you could’ve sworn he actually chuckled.

“Yeah. I do.”

Little by little, your best friend was slowly returning to normal—or as close to normal as you’ve ever seen him. Eventually he started getting sucked into the drama, going rigid when things got tense, and actively pretended he wasn’t crying whenever You Are My Everything played. It was, overall, a job well done. You could sleep easy knowing that Jihoon would be just fine. As you drifted off, you felt him hold your hand and squeeze it gently.

Everything was going to be okay.

And if only to prove that point, the next day was nothing like the one before. Jihoon was back to his old self as if nothing had happened at all. Just another Thursday without a word or whisper about the chaotic tornado his secret admirer had unleashed onto your day-to-day life. He even had a letter for you to read by the time lunch rolled around. Apparently, some freshman irritated him over something seemingly small. At least—to you it seemed barely worth mentioning. But nothing ever really felt small to Jihoon. It was all or nothing, always living in black and white. Which meant that almost everything was important to him in some way. So you read the letter, and you edited it gladly.

Once you were done, he had something else for you. Another note from the admirer.

“This is the third one, right?” You murmured, glancing it over once before looking up at him. “Have you written back yet? Besides the one where I assumed you insulted their very existence with your entire arsenal of hurtful words.”

The blush crawling up his neck was an answer in and of itself, but the thick stack of paper he pulled out of his backpack solidified it.

“I’ve tried a few times.” He admitted hesitantly. “Nothing I write is good enough.”

“Oh, only a few times?” You teased, knowing full well that Jihoon’s definition of a few was the same as calling Jane Eyre a short shopping list. “What’s got you so stuck? Usually you have no issues penning essays over trivial things like cracks in the sidewalk.”

His brow furrowed defiantly. “Hey, proper sidewalk and road maintenance is important to modern infrastructure. If we start overlooking cracks in the pavement, then what? What about traffic lights? Can we afford to allow a single bulb to go out? No, of course not. That’s anarchy.”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Jihoon…” You started with an exasperated look. “I was joking.”

Trying to hide the fact that his blush was turning a deep crimson, and failing quite miserably, he pulled a paper from the stack and put it back in his bag. Also something he tried, and failed, to hide from you.

“Are you kidding me!” You laughed, raking a hand down your face. “Did you seriously have a letter in that pile you were going to send to our congressman?”

“No—yes—ugh!” He groaned. “Can we forget about the stupid sidewalk for a second! That’s not important right now! Help me! How do I do this?”

Deciding you had teased your best friend enough, you placed your chin in your hand and smiled at him. “How do you do what, exactly? I’ve never had anything to do with the letters you write, I just read them so someone knows how you’re feeling.”

Who were you kidding, you could never tease Jihoon enough.

He rolled his eyes so hard that he rolled his whole head with them. “Like you’ve ever needed further insight into my head, you always know what I’m thinking before I do.”

True.

“But I don’t understand the first thing about—this.” He finished with a labored sigh, gesturing sharply to the handwritten novel in front of him. “You know that better than anyone.”

Again, he was telling the truth. In the years you had known Jihoon he had never developed serious feelings towards someone else. He had barely entertained the notion since entering high school. He always talked himself out of it because feelings were complicated and bothersome. Plus, he was terrified of being rejected. Like most people are. His intrusive thoughts just so happened to be louder than most.

“I hate to break it to you, Jihoon,” You started in a whisper, “no one knows the first thing about this. Not even me. The only person who can help you is yourself.”

His sour expression made it obvious that he obviously didn’t like your response. “Great. Super helpful. Thank you for your continued wisdom.”

When he moved away from you, you grabbed him by the sweater and pulled him back in. “Why do you always stop listening to me when I’m about to make my point?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Because it takes you forever to fucking get there.”

“Alright, you got me there.” You chuckled. “Listen, I’m not kidding when I say that you’ve got to do this one on your own. As much as I can usually sense what feelings are doing somersaults in your stomach, this is a first for you and therefore a first for me. I’ve never seen you like this before, so unfortunately you’ve got to discover this one on your own.”

As you spoke, his features slowly softened until all that remained was a very nervous teenager who didn’t want to screw up his first real chance at love. That’s all Jihoon was at his core, that’s all anyone was.

But you had to admit he almost looked kind of cute.

Almost.

“How do you always know what to say?” He grumbled while crossing his arms. “It’s annoying.”

“You’ve got a really weird way of saying thank you.” You smirked playfully. “Well, maybe this last nugget of advice will get you started in the right direction.”

“Why are you always—” He seethed through his teeth. “How are you still not at whatever your point is!”

You shrugged, because you honestly had no clue. “I'll get there when I get there. You want to hear it or not—”

“Spit. It. Out.”

“Now is that anyway to—”

Wow. You stopped, suddenly fearing for your measly life. If looks could kill—

“Alright, alright, you win.” You conceded. “If you’re having issues writing a letter to your secret admirer, here’s my advice. Stop trying to put words to your feelings and start putting feelings into words. You’re spending too much time trying to say it perfectly that you’re not saying it at all. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else, it doesn’t even need to make sense to you. So long as you put them out into the world, they’ll be heard and one day they’ll be understood. You get me?”

The look on his face was—strange. You had a hard time placing it, which should’ve been weirder than it was. In fact, you were seeing lots of different sides to Jihoon lately, sides you never thought existed. This time his eyes widened, the aforementioned scarlet blush had disappeared, and there was a radiance to him that you had never seen before. Like suddenly he could see clearly through the storm of his thoughts.

“Thank you.” He exhaled with a smile. “I’ve never thought about it like that before.”

Feeling triumphant, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m starting to wonder what you’d do without me, Jihoon. Three days and you’ve been completely undone and redone by this letter.”

“Letters are powerful things.” He muttered. “They can break hearts, mend souls, and change lives. You taught me that.”

“I guess I’m a pretty good teacher.” You boasted, giving him a squeeze. “Despite the fact that I’m actually quite terrible with words.”

He shrugged off your arm. “Except you always know what to say, how exactly does that work?”

“Just because I can make you see reason doesn’t mean I’m good with words.” You laughed easily. “That simply means that I’ve perfected the art of understanding the impossible. Lee Jihoon. I can’t use words like you do. Trust me I’ve tried, I can never get the words right.”

For a moment, he didn’t have any sort of response. Which was definitely weird. It was a well-known fact that he was terrible with the sorts of words he had to speak, but he didn’t have issues when talking to you. That’s because you were friends, best friends. There had never been this sort of unnerving silence before. Not that you could remember, anyway.

What is going on in your head, Jihoon? You found yourself wondering since you couldn’t read his face. Have you started to figure it out?

“Sorry, I was thinking.” He muttered suddenly, shaking his head. “But I know what I need to write now. Will you read this one too? Even if it gets pretty long?”

“Of course!” You exclaimed with a smile. “When have I ever shied away from a challenge?”

The soft glisten in his eyes made your heart flutter.

“Never.”

When the bell rang and you parted ways, you wondered if Jihoon had ever written you a letter.

Well there’s a first time for everything.

For the next week, he was in full writer mode. And there were no more notes from his secret admirer, not that you expected there to be any. Every chance he got he was scribbling something down on whatever surface he could get his hands on. Textbooks, paper, his arm, he was more inspired than you’d ever seen before and nothing was going to stop him. He didn’t even come over to your house over the weekend, a ritual you hadn’t broken in the ten plus years you had known each other. It was a lonely week, for sure, but you knew it was for a good cause.

Then, after what felt like an eternity of silence, he approached you in the courtyard with a single sheet of paper in his hand.

“Hey…” He started uneasily, his grip tightening. “How’re you?”

Seriously? You mused to yourself with a smile. “I’m good, how’s the writing?”

“Done.” He clipped. “And—I think I covered everything.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, eyeing the sheet of paper. “With all of that writing I thought you’d have a novel for me.”

He shook his head, while a blush crawled up his neck. “Sometimes being concise is more effective than being overly wordy.”

“That’s true.” You grinned. “Easier for me to edit anyway.”

Nodding, he shoved the paper into your hand. “Here. Take your time, I don’t want you to rush it.”

“I won’t.” You promised, resisting the urge to start reading right away. “I know you put a lot of thought into this.”

With that, he turned around and walked off without another word. Leaving you holding something that looked like little more than pen ink on paper, but felt like a confession on fire. Once he was out of eyesight, you exhaled a breath you had been holding unintentionally and started reading.

To the person I have never loved before. It began, and you weren’t prepared for the roller coaster you had willingly climbed into.

This isn’t for the person I’ve loved all along, no. This is for you, someone who managed to stir my emotions more than a raging monsoon with only a few words and the hint of a promise. Who are you? I wondered to myself, because you were without equal. How could I have missed you? You were extraordinary. You didn’t have a face, all I had of you was a letter slipped into my locker, you were a ghost and I was set ablaze by your words. I had never felt like that before, my heart was unprepared. As was I. You made me question everything, and made me realize things I had never seen before.

What I felt for you wasn’t love, even though I thought it was at first. You presented me with feelings I decided I would never feel, so I could only assume that it was love. I felt like a live wire, ready to spark at a moment's notice. All I could think about was you. The infinite options and scenarios I dreamt up, all because of you, was astronomical. It was exhilarating, and I found myself drunk on the endless possibilities that you presented me. What else could make me feel that way, if it wasn’t love?

The answer was one I didn’t expect, and it hit me like a tsunami. I started to feel that way towards someone I already know. Someone who has cared for me more than anyone should, they have been my best friend for years so how could I suddenly feel the same way? How could my friendship for them become intertwined with the love I thought was solely reserved for you? And how could I have missed it after being enveloped by their warmth for so long?

You changed all of that. You made me see clearly for the first time in years and I was completely undone. Everything I knew was suddenly challenged, my feelings towards the most important person in my life changed without any warning, and I didn’t know what to do. How could I ask them, a friend, to see me as anything more? I was lost, trapped in an endless loop of destructive thoughts and desire. Desperately wanting to scream my feelings from the rooftop while fearing the voice that would have to put words to them. Your feelings for me awakened my feelings for them, and suddenly the words that have given me comfort for so long escaped me.

Still, you helped me.

In ways I can only thank with this letter.

You helped me because you are the one who told me to start writing letters. It’s always been you. You are the one who has given my thoughts meaning when I struggled to communicate with the world. One that could never understand someone like me. You are the one who wrote me a letter, asking a coward to help you be brave. It took me a while to realize that you were one and the same, but I picked up on the hints you left behind. I’m sorry it took me this long to figure it out.

Would you have showed up had I not asked you to come with me? I think about that often, were you only afraid because my initial thought was that there was no way it could be you? The impossible notion that my best friend could love me anymore than they already do? I have a thousand more questions I want to ask you, but I think I’m brave enough now to ask you in person.

So I’m going to end this letter here, because you deserve so much more than the words I’ve hidden behind for years. A letter I started to write for someone I thought I didn’t know, to the person I’ve never loved before. Funny, how it ended up being a letter to the person I’ve loved all along.

As you read the last line, tears already streaming down your face, you had never felt happier.

“You figured it out.” You whispered, almost in disbelief. “For a second there I thought you never would.”

You don’t know when Jihoon came back, but he was suddenly standing in front of you taking your hand in his. “It really shouldn’t have taken me that long, I’ve only seen your handwriting a thousand times before.”

Laughter bubbled past your lips as you dried your tears with your sleeve. “I was terrified that you would’ve figured me out from the very beginning. Looks like I really give you too much credit sometimes.”

“You do.” He agreed. “So, what did you think of the letter? Any edits you can think of?”

“This isn’t the type of letter that needs editing.” You stated plainly. “It would take away from the author’s meaning.”

“What would that be?” He asked, clearly teasing you. “Enlighten me.”

You shook your head defiantly. “No, no way. It’s your letter, why don’t you tell me what it’s supposed to mean?”

Part of him didn’t want to make it easy, that much you knew with absolute certainty. But, for the sake of time and your poor heart, he would let you off the hook. Just this once.

“That I love you.” He said softly. “More than anything else.”

Choking out a sob, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in close.

“I love you too, Jihoon.”

In the end, neither of you were good with words, but you only needed to know what to say to each other.

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amoristt · 3 years

Text

Just a Dare | Nathan Prescott x Reader

@trueloveknifefight asked, Also can I request Nathan asking you out?

here u are! i love writing convos w nathan UGH i adore his character.

as always, replies and reblogs are greatly appreciated1 i check all tags and comments <3

wanna support me for just $3? here's my ko-fi!

The lights were bright, vivid. Almost blinding. They dance LED accents into the reflection of your drink- a dull plastic cup filled to the brim with one part whiskey, zero parts mixer. The taste could bring a tear to your eye but you would be damned to water down such fine alcohol, provided by none other than Nathan Prescott himself.

Music reverberated along the pool rooms walls, laughter and hollers distantly rising with the tempos. Your foot absently tapped to the beat- you were never one for dancing. Never one for parties, either, actually, favoring drinking in the solitude of a small friend group.

If not for Nathan you wouldn't be here at all. Some would say it's a privilege to slip past those heavy doors, entering the dully lit world of the Vortex Club. You mostly just felt like it was all for show. Somehow securing a place among Nathan's friend group, and a good friend at that, it was almost duty to show up. He insisted on it.

So, here you were. Leaning against a wall in a suffocatingly warm, cramped pool room surrounded by a sea of faces you hardly recognized.

That was, until you saw Nathan's face peer through the small break in shifting bodies. You knew him all too well.

Strikingly handsome, equally strikingly pompous. Funny, crude, an absent minded party goer just as much as he was a fireball with racing, incoherent thoughts. A drinker, a druggie. Takes the edge off, he says, but you think he does it to take away his thoughts completely. You felt like his entire life was all edges, never sacred ground.

The poor bastard.

He lures your attention in as he saunters over with squared shoulders, narrowly avoiding spilling his drink when a random student cuts it a little too close. Normally Nathan would make a bigger deal, give him what for, but this time he just shoots the poor kid a menacing glare and grumbles, 'fucking watch it'. He's walking with purpose and intent, you can see it on his face. You must have a target on your forehead as he darts straight over.

When he comes to your side, his own alcohol dripping down the sides of his cup onto his wiry fingers, you raise a brow.

"Something wrong?" You ask, as he takes a spot leaning against the hard wall right next to you.

"Just wondering why you're being so fucking lame over here," He shouts over the music, taking a sip of his drink, grimacing at the taste. "We're all having a good time over at the lounge and you're over here acting like all the other wallflower nobodies."

You roll your eyes with upturning lips. "Maybe I like being a wallflower. I like people watching. I see things no one else does."

"Yeah, okay, fucking weirdo."

"I mean it," You push off the wall and grin. "Look-" You point to a student obviously wasted, drink held high over head while he lets the music take him away. "That guy is clearly trashed- he's having the time of his life. He's gotta be seeing double."

Nathan whistles at his state, taking in the guys goofy smile, half lidded eyes. "I'll bet it's the triplets. I could breathe on him too hard and he'd fall over."

"You should go try it." You tease. He shakes his head and takes another drink.

"Nah, he'll get it himself. Guarantee we'll be dragging him out by his feet by the end of the night." He shrugs. "Or, at least someone will. I sure as fuck ain't staying that long."

You snicker. "What, got a hot date?" Nathan glares at you. "Oh don't tell me," you cup your hands to whisper, a secretive gesture, "homework?"

"Fuck no," He scoffs, and you can just barely see that he's a little more than tipsy now. His pale cheeks dusted with red, the tip of his nose ruby under the harsh lighting. It's also then that you realize he's a little more tense than usual, even despite the drinking. He's standing straight upright, his right hand gripping his cup like a crutch and his left now shoved hastily into his pocket.

He hasn't looked at you dead in the eyes yet.

"So what is it then?" You ask curiously. He shrugs and stares into his cup. You frown. "Bro, are you like, good right now? Do you wanna leave?"

For the first time since he'd wandered over, Nathan looks up at you. His eyes are unreadable, but his composure seems stressed. He shrugs again. Before you can even open your mouth to ask him about his state, he sighs and downs an entire mouthful of burning whiskey. It makes you cringe just watching him.

"Fuck it," He huffs. "Look I got some stupid ass dare to come over here and put the moves on you, okay." He sounds almost annoyed, like it's a hassle for him, or maybe embarrassing. You cross your arms. "I was dared to come over here and try to get you like, to fucking, you know, leave with me, but now that I'm over here I'm starting to think maybe that was a dumbass idea."

"Leave with you?" You say incredulously, a brow already lifting. "You were dared to come over here and try to sleep with me? By our friends?"

"No, no, fuck," Nathan seems agitated now, rushing. "Like a date sorta bullshit. Ask you out." He manages to get it out in almost the worst delivery possible, meanwhile you're just trying to pick out who would put him up to this. Hayden? Victoria?

A laugh forces its way out of you. "Aren't we a little too old for that game?"

Nathan shrugs. "That's what I said but they insisted. Fucking babies. At least make the dare a little more fun than just asking some bitch out. That's like elementary level shit."

Your eyes widen, you scoff. "Excuse me?"

Nathan sputters. "You're not some bitch, I didn't mean to-... Fucks sake, I'm clearly a little drunk right now okay, if you could cut me some fucking slack that'd be awesome."

"Hey man I didn't ask to be a victim of bullying," You tease, and he can't help but laugh. You soften. "Never expected it from you, though of all people. As ironic as that sounds."

"I'm not even bullying you, come on. Don't be a bitch. I even admitted it and everything."

You grin. "Yeah. Gotta say though, I'm a little disappointed."

"Oh what, you wanted to see my moves?" Nathan hums. "You wanted some Prescott action?"

"Shut the hell up." You shove his shoulder, an action that would be a mistake to so many others, but for you, it was welcomed. "I'm disappointed that it was just a dare. I'd probably have said yes if it wasn't. But, oh well."

Nathan doesn't answer for a long moment. First, he stares into his drink, processing. Almost like he hadn't heard that right, or like you were messing with him. It's rare to see Nathan Prescott stunned into a momentary silence. He's thinking, wondering what he should say next. Suspicious that you're just playing with him, hopeful that maybe you aren't.

And, you hadn't been. Truth be told if given the chance you would allow him to take you out for the evening. Show you fancy things, try out something a little more intimate than just laughter and poking fun at classmates together. You enjoyed his presence, looked forward to it at times.

A small part of you had hoped that he felt the same, maybe. Somehow. While grateful that he respected you enough to cut the crap before it even began, you couldn't help but feel a little... Disheartened at the prank. You'd saved your pride by denying him beforehand, but, if it had been genuine...

"So if it wasn't a dare," He began, quietly, barely audible over the booming music overhead. Eyes barely visible in the sea of vibrant lights crashing like waves. "You'd have said yes."

You shrug, trying to play it casual to save your own feelings, just in case. "Probably. I mean, we're already friends. We have fun so it couldn't have been that bad." He nods along to almost every word.

"Well what if we did it anyways." He blurts.

"Did what?"

"Go out tonight. Like, you know ditch this lame ass party and have some real fun."

"You love this lame ass party, and plus," You shake your head in feigned annoyance. "I'm not sleeping with you, Nathan."

He glares at you. "Fucking duh. I'm just saying we can go and hang out somewhere else. This party happens all the fucking time so it's not like we're missing anything."

"But, wouldn't that make me the butt of our friends joke?"

He shrugs. "Fuck em. It was a dumb dare anyways."

"Now it seems like you're trying extra hard to convince me to say yes." You state, and he's frazzled, running lines through his brain to try and save the absolute failure of asking you out. You decide to spare him, take a little leap of faith for yourself. "But, alright. I'm in."

Nathan gapes at you. "You're in?"

"Yeah, why not. I'm not busy right now and if you're not either than," You smile. "Why not. You better wow me though, Prescott. I'm talking a night to remember. Fireworks, dinner by candle light, a serenade. The whole package."

Nathan's eyes light up, but he tries to hide it, rolls those beautiful blues. "Well considering I've had like no fucking time to prepare how about we instead go to the roof and chill out."

You toss the idea around in your head for show. You already knew the answer the moment he asked if you were being serious.

"I mean I guess that would work," You say. "I was looking for fireworks but I suppose that will suffice. Feel free to go tell our buddies their joke may have backfired on them."

Nathan shakes his head. "Nah, don't even bother. They're all drunk and probably don't even remember daring me in the first place."

"Alright then," You push yourself off the wall, feeling your cheeks warm. A flutter takes wing in the base of your chest, your heart picking up just a little faster. You can't stop the smile that graces you as you say, "Lead the way, Prescott."

Nathan does lead the way. He takes your hand into his own, your fingers tracing over his boney knuckles as he drags you through the sea of bodies, out to the school hall and up winding stairs.

You giggle like a child when he struggles to find the correct key on the janitors ring he'd snatched weeks ago just in case, tease him when he almost spills his drink all over himself. Nathan's hands are almost shaking, but you chalk it up to the alcohol. You chalk everything up to the alcohol- his trembling fingers, his red face, a shy, albeit goofy smile resting upon his lovely, angular face.

The night was cool and crisp, a stark contrast to the smoldering heat of the Vortex Party.

He looks amazing out under the stars, and underneath the scope of the vast, black sky dotted with trillions of perfect, twinkling lights, you feel at peace.

Looking at him, you feel like this may be the start of something you'd denied yourself the chance of ever even imagining.

Out there, alone but together, hearing the echoes of music mixed with the livelihood of crickets in the darkness...

it truly was a night to remember.

-----------

Days later, you sit atop your desk, feet tapping rhythmically on your chair, typing away at your phone.

"Love the top," A familiar voice pipes, and you glace up to find Victoria standing before you, books pressed to her chest. She takes in your shirt, a nicely fitted long sleeve with a rather low cut v-neck. "Why haven't I see that one before?"

You shrug and set your phone down. "Never got around to wearing it I guess. Not a big fan of V-necks."

"It fits you," She sets her books down at the table beside you and brushes a hand through her hair, making sure every strand is in line. "I'll have to get one myself."

"You know what, you can have it after today," You say, and she perks up in disbelief. "As a thank you for what happened at the party."

That disbelief soon turned to confusion. "...Meaning?"

"Y'know, making Nathan ask me out. He made a whole huge deal about it- said you guys were drinking and playing Truth or Dare of all things. Gotta say, I was a little surprised."

Victoria's brows knit. "We hardly drank at that party, and I wouldn't be caught dead playing Truth or Dare. That game is for kids."

It almost knocks the wind out of you.

They hadn't even been playing in the first place.

As the teacher walks into the room, the first period bell blaring annoyingly over the speakers, you climb off your desk and prepare for the day, hardly able to contain yourself. It hadn't been a dare, after all.

And, you and Nathan's official second date was merely a day away.

#nathan prescott #life is strange #imagine #lis

118 notes · View notes

xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

AU: Gateway Drug | "Forty-Something" [PT. 1]

[Pt. 2 HERE]

**This was not my idea, the credit goes fully to an anon that suggested it!!

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1988

"Shh!" I try not to laugh at Izzy as he nearly trips coming around the corner, bracing himself against the wall as I'm tucked under his arm to help him keep his balance.

"When the hell did this get here?" He asks in reference to the wall, fumbling for his key when we get to his room.

"You gotta slow down some, Izzy." I tell him softly as he struggles to get the door open but he eventually does.

"I know, I know, I hear Axl bitch at me about it constantly, trust me I know." He rolls his eyes, careful not to drop his cigarette as he reaches for a lighter.

He can't steady his thumb enough to light it, though, and I sigh and snatch the lighter from him, lighting the cigarette before he can complain.

"Thanks." He falls back on the bed, chuckling a little as I stand at the foot of the bed, my arms crossed. "Don't take this the wrong way but you look hot even when you're knocked up."

"And you're high." I roll my eyes. "And drunk." I add. "And I'm leaving you to it because I'm tired."

I go to leave but he sits up.

"You can crash here." He offers and I raise my brows.

"Izzy, if this is a part of some grand scheme to be the next in line to have sex with me--"

"--You're pregnant. I don't fuck pregnant chicks." He wrinkles his nose, laying back down.

"Gee, thanks." I mumble, crawling onto the bed and laying on my back beside him.

In a moment of quiet I glance over at him smiling smugly.

"What?" He questions, taking notice.

"You love me so much you don't even know how to handle it." I tell him.

"Like hell I do." He denies it in a sharp scoff.

"You don't want me to leave you."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"We're friends." I say next.

"No, we're not."

"You love me."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

I keep my smile for a few more moments, before I close my eyes.

I feel him scoot the tiniest bit closer to me before settling down, too.

"Psst," he says in a few minutes and I open an eye and look at him.

"What is it?"

"You wanna get married?"

I furrow my brows and turn to face him fully.

"How the hell do you go from denying we're even friends to wanting to marry me?"

"I'm high and drunk, like you said." He admits and I sigh, shaking my head a little as he clears his throat. "You and Nikki are getting divorced, you and Duff aren't together, either...everybody I know is getting hitched. I'm left out." He shrugs.

"Be thanking God." I tell him and he chuckles.

"Oh, c'mon. It wouldn't be that bad." He argues. "It would work out because Duff's in the band so he'd get to see the baby all the time so you wouldn't have to worry much with working in visiting and stuff. My mom would fucking love you, your dad already likes me...we've already seen each other naked so we know what to expect." He adds.

I hit his arm and glare at him.

"Well, we're together a lot so we know each other's habits and stuff...I think it could work."

"You're high. And drunk." I reiterate, getting back on my back. "And full of shit."

"Okay, what about that old pact that desperate lonely people make? Like, 'if we're forty something and neither of us are married, we'll get married to each other'?"

Knowing that by the time we're in our forties we most definitely won't be single, I humor him.

"Izzy, if we even make it to forty-something, and you're sober and have your shit together, I'll marry you." I agree.

"Deal," he holds his hand out for me to shake, and I do.

"Now go to sleep." I urge, turning over to face away from him.

"The cold sex shoulder is already starting to settle in and we aren't even together yet." He aggravates and I reach my hand back and swat at him, making him laugh.

1989

"Izzy, stop touching it!" I bark, hitting at his hand.

"Viv, I'm good, that fucking pixie stick didn't do shit." He bites back, his fingers on his nose as I'm holding ice to it.

"Jeffrey Dean Isbell." I snap.

"Vivian Estine Kinston." He says right back.

"Fine!" I shove at his nose and he winces.

"Jesus fuck, Vivian, I said it doesnt hurt to touch it, not fucking reset the bone, damnit!" He gripes in pain.

"Oh, no, that fucking pixie stick didn't do shit." I remind him. "And you deserved it, by the way."

"Here we go," he grumbles, leaning his head back in the car.

"No, I mean seriously, Izzy. Drunk or not you can't go one night without being a complete asshole to a woman? Especially if they're your friends' wife, you're supposed to have extra respect for them, jesus."

"I'm not friends with that little squealy bitch." He declares.

"You still respect his wife. You don't pull her dress up and then hit her when she raises hell at you for doing it."

"I didn't hit her, I karate chopped her. There's a fucking difference." He informs.

"Either way, you're a moron."

"And you're a bitch."

"I don't take anything seriously from someone who snorts so much coke he only has one nostril because the size of the hole burnt into his septum." I hiss.

"That's perfectly fine because I never took anything you've said seriously just because." He doesn't miss a beat before he drops the ice for a moment to light a cigarette.

"You're such a jackass."

"Are we saying vows right now?" He asks in reference to our insults.

"I said when you're sober and forty-something, although right now I don't see you making it to forty-something."

"We should probably go ahead and consummate it, then."

"Oh, gee, how tempting, I don't know how I'd possibly ever resist such an idea." I sarcastically let out and roll my eyes.

"Vegas is only a few hours away," he points out.

"The loss of blood from your nasal cavity is definitely getting to you." I scoff.

"Viv, what could possibly be so bad about marrying me?" He blows smoke put of his mouth.

"Well, for one, when you want a girl to marry you, you don't ask her while you're strung out or on a coke binge or drunk. You don't ask her while blowing cigarette smoke in her face, and you certainly don't ask her after getting your face beat in for sexually harassing and physically assaulting your acquaintance's wife."

"I was fucked up, and that doesn't make it alright or whatever but I really do feel like shit about it, you know."

"Then you need to call Vince as soon as you can and explain that to him and apologize to him and Sharise. Because it really embarrassed her and hurt her feelings." I tell him.

"Then will you marry me?"

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Izzy, drop it."

"Fine." He doesn't argue...but I do see him glance at me from the corner of my eye, a smirk on his lips.

1990

"Tommy, I can't just up and fly out to Toronto tomorrow because me and Duff are going up to visit his family for a few days with Monroe." I explain, putting mascara on.

"Well, think about it alright?"

"Tommy, I'm not thinking about it, there's no way for me to go to Seattle and Toronto at the same time."

"Well--"

"--I'll see you guys in a couple weeks, anyway, so what's the deal?"

"The 'deal' is that you act like you don't want anything to do with us now that you and Nikki aren't togther anymore." He accuses.

"That's not true."

"Anytime you come out to a show is if Sharise or Heather are out on the road, too, and you just hangout with them the whole time and avoid us."

"Gee, Tommy, could that possibly be because you idiots wore me down so much over the course of six years that I just don't have the energy to even be around you too much even when you're sober?"

There's silence on the other line.

"Not trying to be an ass, Tommy, but it's the truth. I love you, but I can't make it to Toronto. I'm sorry."

More silence.

I just sigh and hang up, finishing my makeup before I hear a horn honking out front.

"Monroe," I peek my head into his nursery, seeing his butt up in the air, thumb in mouth, tiny snores coming from him.

I gently shake him awake, picking him up when all else fails, heading to the car.

As soon as I get out there, I hand Monroe to Izzy, who's behind the wheel, as I get Monroe's carseat in his car.

Once the toddler is locked in, I get in the passenger side and let out a breath.

"You alright?" He asks me.

"Yeah, just...a lot...I told Tommy I didn't want to go see them because I don't have the energy to be around them now that they're sober due to how they acted for so long when Nikki and I were together."

"So...you don't want to be around them, but you'll come be around all of us." He points out.

"I'd rather be in a room full of messed up Guns N' Roses than sober Mötley Crüe."

"Ouch." He mumbles.

"So, where we going?" I ask him.

"The courthouse." He explains.

"For what?"

"To get married." He answers casually.

"Ha, ha, funny...seriously where are we going?"

"To the courthouse to get married." He says, again.

"Izzy. That's not funny." I state.

"I'm glad it isn't because I'm being serious, Viv."

"Izzy, no you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"Stop the car." I order and he sighs, slowing down.

"Damnit, Viv." He says as I open the door and get out, feeling too trapped in the car. "Now, you know I've been asking you for the past two years, Viv, I'm tired of hearing, 'no'. You think I'm kidding when I ask you but I'm being serious."

"You can't be serious, Izzy, because it literally came out of nowhere the first time you even suggested it! 'Everybody else is doing it and I'm left out' is a shitty reason to want to marry someone--and you're not even four months sober! The last time a high idiot told me he wanted to marry me, I said, 'yes,' and I was in hell for it for years! So, yes, Izzy, I apologize if I wasn't taking you seriously all the times you've asked me about it because the idea in itself is just so freaking ridiculously stupid, I thought surely you'd have more sense than to think we could!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good! We aren't even friends anyway so screw you!" He throws at me.

"wE aReN't EvEn FrIeNdS aNyWaY sO sCrEw YoU." I mimic his voice, walking around to get Monroe, who's still sleeping, out of the back.

"Viv, get back in the car."

"No."

"Vivian, get back in the damn car."

"No!"

"Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?!"

"The same reason you have to be so full of shit!"

1991

"Monroe don't run!" I chase after the three year old backstage, grabbing his sides before he can get away from me.

"Where's daddy?" He asks me with a chuckle, fingers in his mouth, his eyes switching over people passing by.

"I don't know, baby, but we can go find him." I suggest.

"Yeah!" He excitedly exclaims.

"Yeah!" I reply, laughing…

"I said 'this' much cranberry and 'this' much Vodka, man!" I hear Duff complain, followed by the splattering of liquid hitting the floor.

I turn the corner to see Duff face to face with their manager.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" Monroe kicks his legs, wrestling to get down.

"Monroe—"

Duff looks at us, this look coming to his face.

"H-Hey, man." He walks over to us, smiling at me. "When'd you get here?" He asks me, going to kiss my check but I lean back, wincing.

"You smell like b-o-o-z-e, Duff." I scold him as he takes our son from me.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." He assures me easy-goingly as Monroe hugs him tightly, grinning and laughing.

His girlfriend...more so drug buddy, Linda, walks by and he glances at her.

"Babe, you coming?" She asks him, raising her brows.

He looks at Monroe, then me, then her again, before frowning slightly.

"Go, we'll be okay for a few minutes." I insist.

"Are you sure?" He questions.

"Duff, we just got here. You don't have to spend every second with us right away. You've got stuff to do."

He sighs, looking at me, then Monroe again.

"C'mon, baby, daddy's gotta get back to work." I tell Monroe and he reaches for me again.

I take him and Duff kisses his head, and mine.

"See ya before the show." He tells us, waving bye to Monroe. "See ya in just a few minutes, Roe." He assures him as Monroe waves back.

I sigh, Monroe looking around again.

"When's daddy coming back?" He asks me.

"In just a few minutes." I assure him.

He's soon looking over my shoulder, his eyes wide and bright, a wide smile on his face as he brings his finger to his lips and goes "shh."

Before I can turn to see who he's looking at, a sharp pinch on my ass has me snapping around, ready to throw a punch, only to be met with Izzy.

He and Monroe laugh together at my expense and I hit Izzy in the arm.

"Tailhole." I hiss out, watching my language and he chuckles some more.

He looks so much healthier than he used to.

He used to be scraggly and high looking all the time...now he's filled out a little more and his skins glowing.

Of course that also probably has to do with him finding a girl he's full blown in love with.

"Duff leave you out here?" He asks and I shrug.

"We just got here, he's with Linda."

Izzy wrinkles his nose the slightest.

"Duff's to Linda like Nikki was to Vanity." He mumbles.

"Don't I know it." I state, knowing a crackhead girlfriend/boyfriend when I see one now that I've had experience with Nikki and Vanity, and Tansy and Sparkie. "Where is she at?" I ask once we get to his dressing room and see a picture of the Aneka girl he'd been telling me about in bits and pieces the past couple months.

"Visiting her family." He tells me as there's a small knock at the door.

"Yeah?!" Izzy calls and the door opens.

"There he is!" Tansy says excitedly, Monroe laughing and showing a mouthful of teeth, getting down from me and running to her.

"Tans!" He replies to her, just as happy to see her.

"Oh, my goodness, you have gotten so tall since I last saw you." She tells him and he puts his bicep up and she grins, squeezing him to her. "You wanna go see uncle Axl?"

"Yes!"

"Is that okay? Just for a little bit." Tansy asks me and I nod.

"Yeah, that's fine." I say and she picks him up.

"Alright, c'mon." She giggles and he waves at me.

"See you in just a little bit." I tell him, waving.

When she shuts the door, I fall back on the couch and groan, making Izzy raise his brows. "When we first got here, all I could hear was, 'daddy, daddy, daddy!'" I refer to Monroe and Izzy takes the cheap shot.

"Sounds like you on a good night." He says before I can finish and I glare at him, making him laugh.

"Sorry." He shrugs.

"Anyway...we finally get here and all he sees is his dad throw a fit because he didn't have the perfectly formulated ratio of Vodka and cranberry juice." I state and he lets out a soft breath. "And then Nikki's drinking again, and I know he's drinking again because he calls me in the middle of the night, drunk, to complain about his wife--which I told him not to marry her because he barely had time to really get to know her but nope. Nobody ever listens to Viv. And Tansy said that tweedle-Duff and tweedle-Slash wake up and start their morning with alcohol, which is comforting...I've been talking to Steven's mom a lot and she said he's been going down hill again after he tried to sober up some…"

"Yeah, I heard." He rubs the back of his neck.

"Axl's keeping Tansy from seeing anybody, he won't even let her call to check up on Steven right now. He thinks it'll trigger her to go off the deep end and get back on smack." I add. "Everything is just a shitshow at this point."

"Yeah…" he mumbles, before a long pause sits between us, and he finally clears his throat and sighs. "Um, I need to tell you something that I haven't told any of the guys yet, and I don't know how you'll feel but just know I've thought about it a lot and think I should do it."

"Izzy, I don't care if you're gay." I tell him and he sighs, giving a little smile…

"This is pretty serious." He says and I furrow my brows a little. "I want outta the band, Viv."

I feel a punch in my stomach.

First Steven, now Izzy...this is not how this was supposed to go…

"W-What?"

"Izzy, c'mon!" Their manager calls. "You're on soon!"

"We'll talk about it later, alright?" He says and I'm at a loss for words.

"Izzy,"

"It'll be alright, we'll talk about it." He assures me before stepping out.

Later that night, after Axl finally got on stage and the show was barely completed, Izzy and I split a room, Monroe and I taking a bed while Izzy takes the other.

Once Monroe is tucked into bed after passing out on the way to the hotel, I sit and wait for Izzy to get out of the shower and end up dozing next to Monroe.

I slowly blink awake when I feel fingertips tapping at my forehead, and Izzy's crouched down by the bed beside me...a little smile on his lips.

"Hey," he chuckles.

"Hey." I say back, blinking once more…

"It's not about the music anymore, Viv. The egos and drugs and booze and pussy--it's all coming first. I'm tired of having a show at 8:00pm and not getting onstage 'til 11:45pm, and only staying on stage until 12:30am before Axl gets breathed on the wrong way and storms off." He says softly not to wake Monroe up. "And it didn't help when my royalties were in talks of getting cut...and then when Ax is constantly coming up with lawsuits or contracts or NDA's, it's bullshit. It started out as five of us against them. Now Steven's gone, Axl's God and Slash, Matt and Duff are killing themselves. I just want out."

"You're breaking my heart, Izzy, you know that?" I sniffle tiredly, trying not to cry.

"I promise I'll be okay. This isn't gonna spring me into a relapse or anything." He assures me.

"I'm sorry for all of this happening." I admit and he shakes his head.

"Nah...it doesn't have anything to do with you. Me and the guys just have our own things going and it's just time for me to go my own way."

I just sniffle again, wiping a stray tear, and nod.

"And we'll still stay in touch and stuff." He adds. "You'll still see me around."

"Promise?" I ask.

"How else are we gonna keep tabs on each other to see if we gotta go through with our plan at forty-something." He shrugs.

"Oh, please, you'll still be with Aneka and won't even be bothered with me." I tell him and he shakes his head a little.

"Viv, I harassed you for nearly three years to marry me--even thought I didn't even fucking like the idea of marriage. If I went through that much trouble, I'm not gonna up and leave and only talk to you every blue moon."

I smile a little, rubbing my lips together before saying, "does this mean you're finally acknowledging that we are, indeed, friends?"

He rolls his eyes and stands back up.

"I didn't say that." He tells me and I chuckle. "G'night, Viv."

"Goodnight."

#gateway drug #gateway drug au #izzy x viv

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mytastessuck · 3 years

Text

Gorillaz: Humanz

SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.

See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.

1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off

Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.

10/10

2. Ascension

Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.

9/10

3. Strobelite

That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.

100/10

4. Saturn Barz

Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.

25/10

5. Momentz

WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...

9/10

6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath

Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...

10/10

7. Submission

This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.

90/10

8. Charger

She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.

9/10

9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up

On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.

8/10

10. Andromeda

Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.

50/10

11. Busted And Blue

Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

10/10

12. Interlude: Talk Radio

You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.

8/10

13. Carnival

Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.

80/10

14. Let Me Out

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.

9/10

15. Interlude: Penthouse

Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.

Thanks for everything,

mytastessuck

8/10

16. Sex Murder Party

Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.

11/10

17. She's My Collar

Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.

9/10

18. Interlude: The Elephant

I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!

8/10

19. Hallelujah Money

Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.

75/10

20. We Got The Power

A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.

10/10

21. Interlude: New World

Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?

8/10

22. The Apprentice

A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...

9/10

23. Halfway To The Halfway House

A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.

8/10

24. Out of Body

This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!

60/10

25. Ticker Tape

Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.

9/10

26. Circle of Friendz

Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...

To...

...

...Maybe I should listen to the album again.

11/10

Album score: 25/10

Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!

#gorillaz #humanz #music #review

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rogue-barnes-16 · 5 years

Text

THE PLUS ONE

Summary: Rumors about Gwilym's love life are all over Internet but he always refused to disclose anything. However, after a year of a good and healthy relationship, he decides it's time for the world to know Y/n.

Request: All right doll, Could you write some Blake Shelton or/& Gwilym Lee fanfic for me, it would be awesome!! Love you and your work both of you are amazing 😉😻🌚💦

Pairing: Gwilym Lee x Reader

Genre: fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @marvelieber-rdjr01

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: a tiny bit of swearing, ofc!Evangeline

A/N: Idk why it's taking me so much time to write, I apologize. It never happened before, I guess I've been a while without writing. If you sent me a request, don't worry, I'll post it as soon as possible. About this request, it was really special, so I put extra effort on it. I hope you enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

"Darlin'!" my friend called the barman attention by hitting the surface of the barcounter. "my friend wants a martini and..." she gave me a knowing smirk before leaning over the counter. "I want your number."

"what the hell Eva?" I hissed, not able to hold back a chuckle. She shrugged, mouthing a confused 'what now', and I turned to the barman. "she'll have wine. Just wine" I remarked.

The boy on the other side of the barcounter nodded whilst chuckling and served us what we had ordered.

"I mean, I didn't think it'd work but okay"

"yeah, sure" I teased her, nursing my cup. "anyways- what are you doing now?" I asked while she turned her stool to face the people behind us, sitting in the booths. "Eva?"

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before actually speaking. "So there's that cute blond boy-" she was cut off by my snort, which made her nudge me. "no, listen. There's that cute blond boy and there's that handsome man staring at you shamelessly."

"wait what?" I hesitantly spun my own stool, following my friend's line of sight until my eyes met with a pair of blue ones which belonged to a tall, slim man staring at me. "shit" I muttered, rapidly coming back to my initial position. "he's hot"

"He's your type." my friend stated whilst sipping her wine. "aw now he's all bashful" she updated me, letting out a laugh. "he's no longer looking, I think he saw you staring"

"bitch" I called her, refraining the temptation of looking at the man once again. "he saw you staring"

"go talk with him" she whispered, resting her back and elbows against the edge of the counter. "he seems shy all from sudden."

"I'm-" this time, I did turn around to check on him once again, and damn, he was attractive as hell. "-not gonna do that."

"Y/n are you kidding me right now?" Eva asked rhetorically. "it's not the moment to be shy." she waited a few seconds for me to move, but when I didn't, she took the matter in her own hands.

"Eva-" I tried to stop her but she was soon walking towards the two men across the pub. "fuck"

I followed her form until she reached them, and then my eyes came back once again to the tall man, making me miss completely the way Eva pointed at me.

It was only when the mysterious man started to make his way towards me, that I realized what had just happened.

Before I had time to kill my friend, who now seemed to be very interested in whatever the blond boy was saying, the man was standing in front of me. "hey there, I'm Gwilym"

"Uh hi. Y/n" I replied, giving him an involuntary smile.

"Your... friend, I suppose?" he questioned, trying to hide his nervousness. "suggested me to buy you a drink instead of..."

"...of staring at me?" I guessed, raising my eyebrows at him, the ghost of a smirk forming on my lips when he nodded sheepishly.

"But, since you already have a drink" he shoved his hands in his pockets, taking a peek at the improvised dance floor in the middle of the pub. "do you want to dance?"

"I mean-" I opened and closed my mouth, meditating my answer. "I'm terrible at dancing."

"me too" he shrugged with a sweet smile dancing on his lips. "but it'll be funny, and if you get bored, I can walk you home" he added, extending his hand to me.

"such a gentleman" I stated, taking his hand, at first just to climb off the stool. However, he intertwined our fingers and leaded me to the middle dance floor, just in time to dance a slow song. "after all, I might not step on your feet."

"lucky me" he replied with a hint of humor in his voice, right before resting one of his hands on my waist while the other held one of my own.

We stayed like that for a long while, lightly swinging at the peaceful rhythm of the melody playing on the pub, lost in each other's eyes.

One Year Later

I was sat in my couch, wrapped in blankets and watching The Diary of Bridget Jones, when I heard my main door opening. "I'm in the living room!" I yelled, guessing it was Evangeline.

"Y/n, love!" my eyes opened widely at the sound of Gwilym's voice. "I'm home!"

"wha- how-" I attempted to move from the couch but it turned out to be almost impossible due to the amount of fabric wrapped around me. "I thought you were on press tour still"

"I am" he replied, walking towards me to kneel before the couch where I was. "but I missed you" I beamed at him, and a second later, he had leaned in to place a tender kiss on my lips "and I wanted to give you a surprise"

"awe" my hands left their cozy haven, recently found in the blankets, to hold both of his cheeks and bring him into another kiss, even though if this time we couldn't stop smiling. "I want more surprises like this one"

He then pulled away from me, holding both of my hands with his. "in that case" a mischievous grin made its way to his lips. "I might have another one" I raised my eyebrows, prompting him to tell me what he was up to. "we- the boys and I- were offered the possibility of taking a plus one with us to the Oscars"

I opened my mouth in agape, not because I had the chance to go to the Oscars —I would fangirl about that later—, but because he was offering me to go with him as his plus one.

"Gwilym" a wave of insecurities visibly washed over him the moment I said his name. "okay, first of all, come here" I pulled him up to sit besides me on the couch, and once he was there, rested my side against the backrest to face him. "I'd love to go." I assured him.

He sighed, a somehow sad smile twisting up the corner of his lips. "but?"

"are you sure you want us to be public?" I asked him softly. "because if you're doing this for me, you don't have to" giving him a smile, I prompted myself on my knees to kiss him. "I'm happy now. Evangeline, Ben and Joe know about us and that's more than enough."

"I know, Y/n" he pulled me onto his lap, giving me another kiss. "I know we're happy like this. And" his thumbs rubbed my hips, something that I managed to feel even through all those layers of fabric. "I'm the one who wanted this to be a secret but-" he bit his lower lip, struggling to find the right words. "I mean- we- now-"

I rested my cheek against his chest and leaded one of my hands to the crook of his neck to trace random patterns there, something I knew that would calm him.

"today we had an interview." he finally starting talking calmly "the interviewer asked me about my hobbies." I felt his fingers combing me hair. "and I wanted to say that I love watching TV shows with you on Saturday nights. I wanted to tell her how much I enjoy helping you cooking because I know you'll burn the kitchen if I'm not there" I slapped his chest playfully, earing a chuckle from him. "I wanted to tell her about our Sunday morning runs, and about our romantic escapades."

"sweet" I commented, lifting my gaze to look at him, who had his beautiful blue eyes on me. "and you want to be able to say those things." he nodded. "100% sure?" he nodded again, this time more eagerly. "then I need to find a dress."

"Evangeline is going to need one too" he informed me with a knowing smile on his face. "Ben is going to ask her to go with him."

"how are you so sure she'll say yes?" he snorted and I shook my head, chuckling. "yeah, don't even answer." I attempted to get up, but Gwilym tugged my arm and I fell back on the couch. "I gotta call her, Gwil."

"not now" he hugged me and made us both lie down on the couch. "I'm tired and needy." I let out a laugh, shifting to have my head comfortably laid over his chest once again. "I'm in the mood for cuddles with my amazing girlfriend"

"You're always in the mood for cuddles" I retorted, throwing one of my arms over his torso and tangling my legs with his. Meanwhile, both his arms wrapped around me, one of his hands finding it's way once more to my hair. "okay. Just for a bit"

"as you wish, love" Gwilym mumbled, already drifting off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"okay guys" one of the coordinators of the staff called our attention. "your turn. All of you go together, but once you reach the middle section of the carpet you can split up, go solo, take pictures or whatever" he stepped aside and prompted us to walk. "first Ben-"

"Jesus fucking Christ. Goddamnit. Fuck. why did I agree? Fucking hell" Evangeline cursed in low voice, holding onto Ben's arm to walk down the red carpet.

"now Joe. Allen, you go next" they both stepped out, and finally, the coordinator turned to Gwilym and me. "Gwilym, your turn."

"ready?" he whispered, securing me by holding my waist.

"yeah I'm just nervous as fuck" I muttered, smiling for the cameras and the paparazzi that were now taking photos of us.

"I'm gonna be honest, I'm so bloody nervous too" I let out a nervous laugh and he did the same right before another coordinator stopped us to stay still a few seconds, so the reporters could take proper pictures of us. "Y/n?"

"yeah?"

"I'm gonna kiss you, don't freak out" I didn't have time to give him any snarky reply before his lips were on mines, his hands holding my cheeks. "You're red" he stated with his eyes still closed.

"you didn't even see me, asshole" I hissed, feeling my whole face burning.

"Don't need to. I know you." he replied, pecking my forehead before letting go of me, for us to face the cameras once more. "Y/n?"

"not another kiss" I warned him, resuming our walk when the coordinator told us to do so.

"No no, at least not now." he leaned on me and whispered on my ear, "I love you"

I spun my face, capturing his lips before replying, "I love you too" with a big beam on my face, that was probably equivalent to the one on his.

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Give me strength so I don't kill a bitch Janis: serious Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: I can't fuck you if you're in prison, remember Jimmy: unless this is you proposing Jimmy: so romantic 💕 Janis: Can't believe you won't fake marry me Janis: 💔 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Jimmy: you haven't fake asked Janis: sure, trust you to wanna be savage about it Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: I'm giving you chance to be #goals and 💍 me Janis: that's the vows is it Janis: be #goals forever and ever Jimmy: do you take this girl to be your lawfully wedded dickhead Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: 😂 Janis: such an idiot Janis: but at least you're funny Janis: teach Mia something, yeah Jimmy: no tah Jimmy: I know the kind of shit she wants me to teach her Janis: 😒 don't Janis: I'm already this close to actually smacking her without that mental image Jimmy: wait til I'm off work before you knock her out Jimmy: if you love me Janis: as bad as Grace Janis: start selling tickets Jimmy: we all wanna be there with pom poms & 🍿 Jimmy: don't be shy Janis: yeah I'm so sure Janis: you'll get your chance to wear the skirt one day, babe Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 💔💔🎻🎻🎻 Janis: mm Jimmy: I'm gonna show up & 💍 when you're about to smack her Jimmy: put you off 'cause you don't want me there Janis: you probably would Janis: love nothing more than shaming me Janis: but I ain't giving you my location so good 🍀 Jimmy: & you love the angle but fine I won't get down on my knees for you Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: pissed on your own parade there, girl Janis: shut up Janis: distracting me Janis: gotta be on my A game, boy Jimmy: you're too busy shutting her up to make me Jimmy: & she don't need your A game Jimmy: a breeze would turn her bones to dust Janis: you on my side or not, boy Janis: ain't a tag-team effort between you and her is it Jimmy: nah I'm dumping you for her & this is how I'm letting you know Janis: ah well Janis: your girlfriend is about to get fucked up Janis: soz about it Jimmy: she can lick her own wounds 🐍 perks Jimmy: it's alright Janis: boring Janis: but if that's what you're into these days Jimmy: once I teach her what to do with that 👅 I'm set for life Janis: disgusting Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 😑 Janis: go away Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: how many rounds you going? Jimmy: come see me after Janis: you're rude Janis: but like you said, ain't gonna take much, is it Janis: sure Jimmy: good Jimmy: I miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: this is all easier to ignore when you're about Jimmy: I'm going nowhere Jimmy: still smack her though 'cause neither is she Janis: 👍 Janis: long time coming Janis: but I'll try not to kill her Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll help you hide the body, don't worry about it Jimmy: #peakromance Janis: have to be good Janis: it's how her dad shows he cares, appaz Jimmy: smacking her about? Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: or hiding the bodies of her enemies Janis: 😬😂 Janis: nah though, threatening legal action if anyone dares to talk back to her, never mind smack her one Jimmy: the bodies thing is probably true too Jimmy: I ain't seen Gracie for a while is all I'm saying Janis: 🤞 Janis: sadly, 'less Mia gave her wifi in her grave Jimmy: what's the point of 💀 if you can't liveblog it #duh Janis: turn your location on girl Janis: maybe dig you up 'fore you suffocate Jimmy: might do Jimmy: might not do Janis: obvs gotta make her promise to change her ways Jimmy: 👍🍀 Janis: you're right Janis: maybe just let her 👻 Jimmy: not an invitation for me & her to be #couplegoals though Jimmy: your 👻 lad only Janis: swear to God she better keep her ghost hands to herself Janis: or I'll kill her properly Janis: send her 😈🔥 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she'll be waiting for me there getting more 💕😍 then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: she can wait Janis: you said you're staying Jimmy: I am Jimmy: unless you send me away Janis: not gonna send you to hell Janis: have to fuck me off a lot more than this Janis: soz to disappoint Jimmy: not to be that dickhead but Jimmy: it's hell wherever you ain't Jimmy: so not much to do Janis: baby Janis: you're so genuinely #goals sometimes it hurts Jimmy: I'm not actually trying to distract you right now Jimmy: I swear Jimmy: I'm just Janis: hot Janis: I know Janis: ain't your fault, really Jimmy: I just love you Jimmy: & that is your fault Janis: I'll own it Jimmy: alright then Janis: not just 'cos I love you too Jimmy: course not Jimmy: but it'll do me that you do love me too Janis: you know I do Janis: a lot Jimmy: gimme more though Janis: how Jimmy: I'll let you know Jimmy: other than accepting my proposal obviously Janis: alright 😏 Janis: please do Jimmy: 👌 Janis: right, this is actually happening Janis: accept the charges if I have to bell you from jail, yeah? Jimmy: I suppose Jimmy: make me feel like the tables have turned, yeah rich girl Janis: if you like Janis: roleplay, fun Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: keeping it #goals baby Janis: [fight] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Janis: you know it Jimmy: start running now Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: way ahead of you, babe Janis: as per Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Janis: you'd reckon so if you saw her face Janis: that felt good Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how long you got left of your shift Jimmy: hour & a half Jimmy: come here when you're done running victory laps Jimmy: I've saved my last break Janis: Good Janis: gotta channel this energy somewhere Janis: and I want you Jimmy: just don't get her blood on me Jimmy: this ain't the CG none of the customers are thick enough to believe it's Halloween Janis: 🤞 Janis: I'll clean up Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: I wanna do it Jimmy: but we don't have time Janis: we'll make the most of what we do still Janis: don't be sad, baby Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I know but Jimmy: I want more time Janis: after Janis: not that long to wait Jimmy: it feels like Janis: always does Janis: whenever we have to be around other people even Jimmy: you reckon it's ever getting any easier or nah Jimmy: 'cause bit rude Janis: try and be less fuckable Janis: idk Jimmy: how Janis: alright bighead Janis: true but Janis: no one likes a showoff Jimmy: you do Janis: bit Jimmy: loads Janis: maybe Janis: if you really make the most of your break, like Jimmy: no challenge but still accepted Jimmy: I want you so much Janis: you know I love you Jimmy: I love you too Janis: I'm glad you exist Janis: everyone else is shit Jimmy: you Jimmy: you're the only one I care about Jimmy: let's go somewhere when I'm done here Jimmy: I'll call in sick tomorrow Jimmy: it don't even matter Janis: okay Janis: if you're sure obviously I want to Janis: where Jimmy: let's just not come back until my next shift Jimmy: fuck school Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: yeah? Janis: I don't care Janis: anywhere with you Jimmy: we can just get on a train or whatever then Jimmy: I don't give a fuck either Janis: my nan and granddad have a caravan not far away Janis: but far enough Janis: might work Jimmy: is anyone else in your massive family likely to be using it Janis: eurgh Janis: shouldn't be but Janis: how to subtly check without telling everyone where we are 🙄 Jimmy: it's alright we'll just leave if anyone else turns up Janis: it'd only be nan and granddad in term time anyway so we've got good odds of being left alone Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: let's do it then Janis: okay Janis: I'll hang around 'til you finish then Janis: no point going home Jimmy: I'll have to Jimmy: pack a bag & chat to the kids about it Jimmy: but we can go after Janis: yeah Janis: 'course Janis: they'll be alright, yeah Jimmy: you want me to pack shit for you seeing as you ain't going home Jimmy: all I can do is let 'em know I ain't just fucking off Jimmy: my dad too I'll pen him a note so he don't bell the 👮🚔 Jimmy: It ain't gonna be good but neither is this, here now Janis: if you like Janis: I don't care but you might once I start to stink Janis: probably a plan Jimmy: I'll just throw you in the shower, girl 💪 Janis: like to see you try Janis: have you know I'm undefeated, boy Jimmy: then you'll see me try Jimmy: I'm ready Janis: you've always been a very gracious 🥈babe Jimmy: oi Jimmy: come here & call me a loser Janis: come on, there's no losers babe Jimmy: easy to say when you're the winner, babe Janis: how bad does losing feel though, really Janis: you know it's still good Jimmy: I'll show you in a bit Jimmy: 🥇 me Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see then Jimmy: just remember to tell me how it feels, alright Janis: do my best Janis: you do make it hard to speak though sometimes so Jimmy: do my best Jimmy: please be on your way Janis: I am Janis: time me if you wanna Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 👌 nerd Janis: [5 mins or w/e] Janis: come out here and say that to my face Jimmy: [does] Janis: [kisses his face] Jimmy: [kisses her neck] Janis: [noise like oh hey] Jimmy: [tells her how long she took to get there cos also a nerd] Janis: [pouty like nu-uh!] Jimmy: [pouty lip thing for life] Janis: ['I missed you' and showing him] Jimmy: [says it back & likewise cos they don't have a lot of time] Janis: [enjoy lads] Janis: do you think I should go get some stuff Jimmy: you should stay with me Janis: okay Janis: go make me a drink then, boy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [we know the drill he's making it but looking at her like 😍] Janis: you're cute Janis: I can't wait to go Jimmy: you Jimmy: you can go to mine & pack for us & make it quicker Janis: I could Janis: still have to talk to the kids though Jimmy: just don't pack the 🐶 Jimmy: can give 'em a ring though Jimmy: might not even be there Janis: 💔 but baby Janis: cool, long as you're sure Jimmy: [shrugs at her from behind the counter] Jimmy: it ain't gonna go decent however I say it Jimmy: so whatever Janis: you still wanna though Jimmy: we're going Jimmy: if I have to listen to every dickhead talking about your #girlfight for the next week I'll 💀💀💀 Janis: 🙄 Janis: she thought Janis: got the scratches to prove it Jimmy: sexy Jimmy: but it's not gonna convince me to stay here Janis: I ain't trying to convince you Jimmy: you've already convinced me to go Jimmy: I've got the marks to prove it too Janis: 😏 Janis: trust me, you had more fun than I did Janis: even if it was pretty satisfying Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you'll have fun with me Jimmy: if you ain't had enough just now which 💔 Janis: never enough Janis: not a diss Janis: brag if anything, your speciality Jimmy: good save, girl Jimmy: come get your smoothie Janis: okay lemme just enjoy the view for a sec longer Janis: [then does] Jimmy: lemme just enjoy that view for as long as possible Janis: knew there was a reason you were asking me to leave Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: [keeps looking back] Janis: stop looking at me like that Jimmy: [gives her an even hotter look instead cos he be like that] Jimmy: miss you already Janis: I definitely miss you more Janis: only got yourself to blame Jimmy: sounds like a challenge that Janis: challenge to behave Janis: for once Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: I give you a minute before you're changing your mind & wanting me not to Janis: 💪 Janis: challenge accepted Janis: I'm tough, tah Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I only wanna be 💕 Janis: you're rude Jimmy: if you like Janis: you know how bad I want you but we can't Janis: so very rude Janis: actually Jimmy: we can Jimmy: just Jimmy: another ⏲ going for that Janis: it's not long is it Janis: make it worth it Jimmy: when you've got to mine, packed and 🐶💕 I'll be done Jimmy: promise Janis: okay Janis: we can do this Janis: think how long we're gonna have Janis: just us Janis: and nothing to do Jimmy: just you to do Janis: not a chore, is it? Jimmy: ask me at the end of the week Janis: 😂 piss off Jimmy: just saying Jimmy: you love dickheads but do you love 'em 24/7 Janis: like we spend loads of time apart as is 😏 Janis: don't worry, there's more than one room if you're testing me Jimmy: 😂 piss off Janis: but I ain't getting in those tiny twin beds so Janis: be nice Jimmy: I am Jimmy: always nice me Janis: nah Janis: but I wouldn't like you if you were Jimmy: I reckon I could still get you to like me Janis: really? Janis: is this you admitting you are a bit of a 🤓 Jimmy: I'm admitting nowt til we're out of reach of the 👮🚔 Jimmy: life of crime starts so soon Janis: watch out Skerries Janis: 👊 Jimmy: Bonnie & Clyde 39 Janis: I'll straighten my hair so I can get my #whitepassing priviledge then 👍 Jimmy: weren't there a promise about never doing nowt like that Jimmy: except you reckoned you never would anyway Jimmy: don't 💔 me that ain't part of the crime spree Janis: well excuse me for not wanting to be shot, white boy 😂 Jimmy: if you ain't willing to die for me, Juliet we can call this off right here Janis: I thought I told you to stop being so suicide-pact-y Janis: don't want anyone to actually ring garda, like Jimmy: you say suicide pacty I say #ultiimategoals Jimmy: but FINE 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: don't Janis: actually giving out gracie vibes and terrifying me Jimmy: #whenyouvetakenthewrongtwinontherun Janis: ask her Janis: sure she's still up for it Jimmy: don't Jimmy: course she is Janis: you're such a cocky dickhead Jimmy: why you like me Janis: 😒 Janis: why she does too, obviously Jimmy: ain't my fault you two are #twinning with your tastes, girl Janis: fuck off Janis: you ain't had to misfortune of meeting any of her exes Jimmy: just the one Janis: he don't count Jimmy: my KO still does though Jimmy: & do any of 'em count as exes if she's fucking 'em still Jimmy: arguably not Janis: shut up Janis: don't be gross Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: I ain't suggesting you join in or owt Jimmy: me either Janis: why are we talking about her Jimmy: you brought her up Jimmy: & her exes Janis: well now I'm ending it Jimmy: alright Janis: take the dog for a shit whilst I'm at it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: write my dad a note Jimmy: such a way with words you Janis: ha Janis: funny Janis: he'll say I've kidnapped you just to fuck w me Jimmy: nah he'll say I've legged it Jimmy: loves to tell the others I don't give a shit & he does Jimmy: he can't turn 'em against you with that big house & dog training 🏆🏆 Janis: can definitely buy love Jimmy: if not love then less hatred Janis: works for me Jimmy: works for Ian too Jimmy: fucked himself on respect though Jimmy: don't have enough of a wage packet for that Janis: 💔 Janis: don't know how many times I've told him we could be bezzie mates Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: you're fucking the wrong family member for that one Jimmy: even if you were doing him it'd be a stretch Janis: why you tryna hurt me rn Jimmy: save him a job Jimmy: since he don't do the ones he has Janis: too good, you Jimmy: yeah Janis: tragedy Jimmy: 🎭 Jimmy: let's say it's a comedy Janis: if you like Janis: again, works for me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: you ain't unlocked enough 💕 or 💸 to reveal my tragic backstory, soz Janis: backatcha Jimmy: works for me Janis: she's pissed everywhere Janis: 😑 Janis: gonna need to start charging more Jimmy: send Ian the bill Jimmy: he'll love that Jimmy: also feel free to leave it for him to sort Janis: we all know she's your 💕 Jimmy: yours Janis: sure Janis: whatever you say Janis: I'll keep your secret Jimmy: just 'cause you've given yours away by being so blatant Jimmy: leave it & me out tah Janis: you wish Janis: 🖕 Janis: such a mystery Jimmy: you wish, Jillian Janis: mhmm Janis: now who's blatant Jimmy: open book with a forgettable name you Janis: then forget it Jimmy: I do Jimmy: loads Jimmy: just happened then Janis: forget us going away if you're gonna be such a twat Jimmy: what are you on about Jimmy: I'm a twat everywhere & anywhere Janis: whatever Janis: go do some work Janis: ain't in the mood Jimmy: you're not serious Janis: we can still go Janis: just Jimmy: what Janis: I don't know Janis: genuinely Janis: forget it Jimmy: has that worked any time you've said it Jimmy: or made things weird Janis: so it's all my fault Janis: cool Jimmy: did I say that Jimmy: nah I said telling me to forget it ain't gonna make it happen Janis: you also said I make things weird all the time so Jimmy: you do Jimmy: so do I Janis: not what you said Jimmy: you were being weird before I said it so Jimmy: what's the problem Janis: I just don't want to think about my family Janis: let alone talk about them Janis: that's what this is about, alright Jimmy: it weren't like I wanna hear about 'em Jimmy: no begging here Janis: don't then Janis: hear enough without you adding your voice to the conversation Jimmy: a conversation you started Jimmy: but yeah whatever I'll shut up Jimmy: like you said, loads of work I could be doing Janis: if you like Janis: bye then Jimmy: if you like Jimmy: which you obviously do Janis: I'm telling you I don't Jimmy: you're also telling me to shut up Jimmy: so what the fuck do you want me to do Janis: why do I have to know Janis: work it out Jimmy: why do I have to work it out Jimmy: like this is a challenge all of a sudden Janis: it is Janis: ask anyone Janis: if you don't want to then don't Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: no it's not Jimmy: if you don't want to push me away then don't Janis: as if it's as easy as choosing Jimmy: it's trying which ain't easy but what the fuck is Jimmy: this? Jimmy: I don't think so Janis: I am trying Jimmy: good Jimmy: when you wanna try harder you know where I am Janis: fuck off Janis: you patronizing prick Jimmy: that's the easy route right there Jimmy: take it Jimmy: go on Janis: no it ain't Janis: 'cos I need to go Jimmy: then go Jimmy: like I said, easy Janis: I wanted to go with you Janis: dickhead Jimmy: I was gonna go with you dickhead Janis: well you ruined it Janis: yeah, you Jimmy: fuck you Janis: fuck you first Jimmy: whatever Jimmy: blame me Jimmy: on you go Janis: yeah whatever Janis: take what I can get Jimmy: lucky you Janis: 🍀 Janis: call me rich girl whilst you're at it Janis: hit all the fuck you marks Jimmy: so you can blame me for what you've got & I've not Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: it's not me that brings it up Janis: constantly Jimmy: you don't wanna bring anything up Jimmy: I got that Janis: oh I'm sorry but you established we ain't ready for the tragic backstory did you not Jimmy: & that means we'll just fuck forever & never talk about anything, yeah Jimmy: that & you can run off whenever the fuck you need Janis: you said you don't want to talk about them either so why the hell does this matter even Janis: and I keep saying, I'm not going without you Janis: I did it once to you Janis: once Jimmy: I could give a fuck about them Jimmy: you're the one being a dickhead Jimmy: what matters is you could go whenever you like Jimmy: I'm the one who has to jump through a million hoops to do anything Jimmy: that I need Janis: Okay I'm sorry that you have family and obligations Janis: I already felt bad, actually Janis: I'm not forcing you to go Jimmy: nah you're just stopping me Jimmy: when I want to Jimmy: & fuck knows why even Janis: I ain't said you can't Jimmy: but I can't Janis: not because of me Jimmy: it's all my fault, you've already said Janis: no Janis: not what I meant Janis: 'cos of the kids Jimmy: it ain't their fault I ain't going Jimmy: or if I can't Jimmy: they didn't ask for this Janis: I didn't say fault Janis: it's just why Jimmy: it ain't why Jimmy: that's 'cause of my mum & dad Janis: well, yeah Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: this is stupid Jimmy: it's been stupid for ages Janis: then stop being so Janis: pedantic Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is it Janis: or nah Jimmy: gotta be Janis: it don't Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you any more Jimmy: so yeah it does Janis: is that enough Janis: serious Jimmy: like I said, gotta be Janis: Jim Janis: come on, that's bullshit Janis: we're not doing that Jimmy: you can bring as much bollocks as you want to this convo & say that to me Jimmy: alright then Janis: I mean Janis: fucking hell Janis: let me fix it Jimmy: you can't put all the blame on me & then be the one to fix it Jimmy: that don't even make sense Janis: I didn't! Janis: you just keep saying I did but Janis: I ain't trying to Jimmy: I ruined it, you said Janis: I didn't mean it Janis: obviously I did but sorry for not wanting to own that immediately Jimmy: have it how you like Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I already told you, I don't wanna fight about this Janis: stop saying that Janis: that don't fix anything Janis: it's as bad as forget it Jimmy: I don't know how to fix this Janis: so fuck forever yeah Jimmy: don't say that Jimmy: I didn't Janis: not to start this up again but you definitely did say that Janis: I don't want to Janis: but I don't know how to fix it either Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: you know that Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you Janis: I'll fix it somehow Janis: whatever Janis: whatever it takes not whatever Jimmy: tell me where to meet you Jimmy: as soon as I'm done here Jimmy: we can just Janis: I'm sorry Janis: for fucking Janis: the hassle Jimmy: I'm sorry for my bit of it Jimmy: I didn't mean to make you kick off Jimmy: or owt Janis: you don't need to Janis: it was stupid Janis: you didn't do anything Jimmy: It didn't leave it out though Jimmy: I could've Janis: you were just trying Janis: but alright, accepted, like Jimmy: give Mia another smack Jimmy: you'll feel better again Jimmy: & we can start over Janis: 'til her dad murders me or reads me my rights or some shit Jimmy: I believe in you, girl Janis: thanks Janis: don't deserve you Jimmy: yeah you do Jimmy: & if her dad kicks off I'll come knock him out Janis: hot Jimmy: you are Janis: nah Janis: I'm a pain in the arse Janis: naggy bitch Jimmy: you can be all of 'em Jimmy: it don't cancel out Janis: 😂 Janis: tah darling Jimmy: it's alright Janis: I miss you Janis: I've cleaned up and walked her though so Janis: welcome Ian Jimmy: I appreciate it Jimmy: I'll show you Jimmy: just come back Janis: you want me to Janis: I've already fucked your shift enough, I know Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I'm nearly done anyway Janis: okay then Janis: coming Jimmy: if you don't run I could be finished by the time you get here Jimmy: maybe Janis: be hard Janis: athlete that I am but Janis: take it slow Jimmy: do it for me baby Jimmy: when I see you I'll have to kiss you whether I'm still working or not Janis: um why are you actually being so fucking Janis: right now Janis: are you doing it on purpose Jimmy: I miss you too Jimmy: that's it Janis: thanks for not letting me ruin it Jimmy: I promised Jimmy: tah for not letting me Janis: I promised too Janis: know I make it difficult but Janis: you know Jimmy: it ain't like I make it any less Jimmy: you know I'd rather fight with you than be around anyone else Jimmy: just don't leave Janis: I ain't trying to give you anything else in your life to worry about or stress or Janis: but I won't Janis: swear on my life Jimmy: I worry about you all the time Jimmy: that's just Jimmy: giving a shit Jimmy: I'm never gonna stop doing that Janis: I'm Janis: not used to liking that Janis: or wanting it Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I'm not used to doing it 'cause I want to though so I get it Jimmy: you're not an obligation to me & that's weird but Jimmy: how I like it Janis: 'cause Janis: the way family 'cares' Janis: it does fuck all Janis: makes everything worse, usually Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you know how my dad 'cares' so Jimmy: but you're more than family to me Janis: yeah Janis: I feel it too Jimmy: can we still go Janis: yes Janis: 'course Janis: we both still need to Janis: even if you wanna ignore me the whole time, you have to come Jimmy: that isn't what I want Jimmy: I want Jimmy: you Janis: good Janis: that's all I want too Jimmy: I'm gonna make everything better again Jimmy: we'll just leave everything behind like we planned Janis: it'll be good Janis: we're so good Janis: honest Jimmy: I love you so fucking much, alright Jimmy: forever still Janis: forever and ever and ever okay Jimmy: I swear I'm never gonna leave you Jimmy: I don't care if it's hard sometimes Jimmy: it's the easiest thing I've got Jimmy: & everything I want Janis: I love you Janis: I'm not losing this Janis: you Jimmy: me either Jimmy: I need you Janis: its mutual Janis: you know Janis: so fucking much Janis: I don't even know what I did before Janis: or how Janis: for so long Jimmy: I know Jimmy: & I need you to know too that it ain't always gonna be like this Jimmy: we can leave for real soon Jimmy: we won't have to come back Janis: you mean it Janis: 'cos don't say it otherwise I can't Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: you might have to wait longer than you wanna but Jimmy: if you can then we can Janis: 'course I can Jimmy: not gonna be this young forever Jimmy: 👵👴💕 Janis: that's all I've wanted since 👶 basically so Janis: and yeah, know you're buzzing for that Janis: only reason you're sticking around, yeah Jimmy: when's your birthday Jimmy: we can go after that Janis: 13th October Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you reckon they'll give less of a shit, like legally Janis: 'cos we'll be 16 Jimmy: the 👮🚔 will be if Ian gives 'em a bell Jimmy: that works for me Jimmy: he'll only bother when he figures out that we're staying away Janis: yeah Janis: exactly Janis: can't make you come home Jimmy: it don't look good your ex & your kid both doing one but we'll be long gone by then Jimmy: so he can be as fuming as he wants Janis: and give a shit about making him look good Jimmy: the kids will still have me on the end of the phone Jimmy: that's all that matters Janis: yeah Janis: we can make it work Janis: we will Jimmy: we have to Janis: promise Jimmy: trial run starts in a bit then Janis: it's easy Janis: if you can hack it being a bit rough in the beginning Jimmy: I can handle you being a massive dickhead so I reckon I've got it Janis: 😏 okay Janis: letting that slide Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you're allowed like Janis: three lowblows, I reckon Janis: then it's business as usual Jimmy: how many have I done? Janis: I'll be fair and count from that one Jimmy: alright Janis: don't waste 'em, babe Jimmy: don't sound like me that Janis: just sayin' Janis: got a week to deal with me, you know Janis: s'a long time Jimmy: not long enough Jimmy: I don't wanna come back & we ain't even left Janis: I know Janis: if we had somewhere we could be alone proper Janis: it wouldn't be as shit, still a lot but you know Jimmy: really fucked you over by making Dublin into 'something' Jimmy: no squats about now Janis: defs is, just gotta be in the right wrong postcode Jimmy: you reckon? Jimmy: sort it out then, rich girl Janis: yeah, gonna need to kill that nickname or we'll both be 👻 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: no promises Janis: not saying you have to remember my name Janis: not going that hard Jimmy: if you find us somewhere I will Janis: hold you to that Jimmy: you can Janis: I'm outside if you can have a quick 🚬 Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: gimme a sec to finish this bollocks & then it's over with Janis: 👍 ain't going anywhere without you Jimmy: good Jimmy: don't Jimmy: [after a realistic number of minutes to get shit done, a wild Jimothy appears] Janis: [leaning on the wall like a cool bitch just like sup] Jimmy: [kisses her like he said he would as soon as he saw her & it's such a good one like use that wall boy] Janis: ['well, shit'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like 😍] Janis: [kisses him now she knows they're good, pulling him closer always] Jimmy: [just let them have a lil make out moment cos deserved] Janis: [then taking his hand like c'mon 'cos excited to gtfo] Jimmy: [handholding & walking but he's also 🚬 cos hasn't had chance since when] Janis: ['should we go shop and get load of ready meals for the kids?] Jimmy: [is looking at her even more hearteyes cos that's why he loves you bitch that's such a good idea & so nice bye, does remember to nod though eventually] Janis: [smiles like cool 'cos she ain't gonna see it as a big thing obvs, 'yeah, they ain't all unhealthy as fuck nowadays but even Bobs could do that if he needed so'] Jimmy: [kisses her again cos so nice & also her smiling kills him always so] Jimmy: what do we need? Janis: not much Janis: we'll have a bed and water and all the shit we need in the caravan so Janis: cash for food and some clothes, if you insist, like Jimmy: easy Jimmy: no need to piss about for ages Janis: [nods] Janis: seriously, enough of that as is Jimmy: yeah Janis: [keeps looking at him 'cos can't help it] Jimmy: [more kisses cos he can't help that either] Janis: [puts her forehead to his and is just saying thank you over and over quietly like] Jimmy: [says ILY over and over & also sorry because well] Janis: ['don't be' and more desperate kisses] Jimmy: [literally the hottest make out in the middle of the street or wherever like] Janis: [tryna compose herself so they can do this shopping and go to his but damn] Jimmy: [isn't helping by being hot af excuse him everyone] Janis: can you save this at least 'til we're on the train Janis: killing me, boy Jimmy: [looks at her all innocently but he knows exactly what he's been doing] Jimmy: 😇 me Janis: [gives him a look like hmm but not actually mad so starts smiling with it] Janis: hate you Jimmy: I hate you too, baby Jimmy: so much Janis: [makes ugh! noise out loud 'cos feeling that #frustrated by you rn boy] Jimmy: [is 😏] Janis: just you wait Jimmy: I'm already waiting Jimmy: come here Janis: [does 'cos ain't too proud lbr] Jimmy: [more of the same cos no chill] Janis: ['Jesus'] Janis: are you ever gonna let me live Jimmy: not if it means I have to stop Jimmy: this Jimmy: [even more] Janis: ['Baby, please-'] Jimmy: ['say it'] Janis: [more noises 'cos dying] Jimmy: [goes as hard as he can considering where they are] Janis: ['Okay, okay, fuck! Jimmy, please take me somewhere right now so you can do more. I need it. You.'] Jimmy: [god knows where but he does lead her off somewhere cos same obviously he's made that pretty clear] Janis: [enjoy lads] Jimmy: [& now focus please thanks so much places to be] Janis: [🤤 through life 'cos blissed out can probably leave this here now]

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mikeholdher · 5 years

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Weekly Update June 9th:

Man if it wasn't for my roommates coming up and visiting every other weekend I would go crazy. It's a nice area however people are too stuck up. If it's not the stares from people trying to figure out what's wrong with your face it's the people who treat you like your the help until you speak to them and they realize you're not some random off the streets.

Brought my car up. Been so long since I've driven. Had to wake up early in the morning and go wash the car. Couldn't stand the sight of it being that dirty. A guy actually stopped me outside of the garage mistaking me for my dad. He left a note on my dad's car telling him he has a nice car and leaving his business card up there. And then just by chance I ran into him pulling out of the garage today. "So your parents got a couple of bimmers what happened to you?"

"I missed the memo"

"That's gotta be a much more fun car though."

"not exactly parts are just cheaper."

"True alright man the names Taylor. Have a good one. And hopefully everything works out with John's Hopkins."

Then I dip to the hand car wash 20 minutes away cause I don't feel like paying someone 50 plus to wash my car and do a shitty job.

I'm probably overreacting here but it's a really shitty feeling when out of nowhere someone just ghosts you but still updates their IG story. And then like a dumb ass you message them again. Only to get no response. So now you're asking yourself what you could have done differently. Meh it's just me. I'm being stupid here. Let me shut up and suck it up.

Bentley has been putting so many smiles on people's faces during the week. It's basically my highlight of the day. I come in to radiation in the morning. Him trotting happily beside me cause he knows he's about to get all the petting and belly rubs his heart desires. It's so weird hearing the aide convos. "That's the Yorkie I was telling you about." "Awww it's so cute." Then of course they walk up and ask me if it's okay to pet him. And here's my mindset. Every one of those people I'm there with has in some shape or form experienced cancer or been affected by it. We all could use something in the morning to put a smile on our faces...be it a joke here...or a rambunctious 5lb dog there. I'm not sure what I would do without him. I'd literally have nothing outside of my roommates and parents. Also if anyone doubts dogs being remotely human fuck you. 🖕

I gotta get my confidence back. I even stopped wearing my traditional khakis and button ups. My motto was you never know who you will see in public so stay ready. I'm usually well dressed but been feeling unwanted recently...ehhh that's a lie. For awhile. I've shot my shot these past couple of years and it's gotten me nowhere. "No worries there is someone out there for you." See I'd believe that if it wasn't every girl I talked to. 🤔 Or at least I'd get a "let me get to know you and we'll see" Anyway these Tag Heuer Aviators are fire. Might buy a second brown pair or off color later. 🤣 I know all that's "yikes," to end on this.

Doc says radiation is going as planned. Getting massive headaches (brain swelling from the radiation) which is normal. Getting pain meds for it. Shaved all my hair off. Couldn't cut it into a mohawk this time. Fell off from the inside out. Fatigued a little bit. So I'm struggling to keep myself occupied. Man I can't stress this enough. I don't wish this on anyone. The pain I can deal with. The waiting game is the real hindrance. It's been 3 years since I've been waiting to get my life back...or whatever fraction of it is left. I don't think I can take a 4th lesion if it comes up. I would just let it run it's course. I can't sit on the sideline anymore. I'm miserable.

Kind of a non eventful week really...

#me #personal #s2000 #s2k #dating #relationships #life #happiness #love #chivalry isn't dead #kairi #brotip #success #personal life #real talk #friends

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rambleonwithrosie · 6 years

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150 Followers. Feel free to take this and use it yourself.

Okay so if you've been following me you know that at every milestone of 50 I go and answer 50 questions. So this time they're all gonna be Queen/Classic Rock specific and y'all are all welcome to take these and make asks out of them or reblog/copy with your own answers.

Favorite Queen member's solo album? Strange Frontier by Roger Taylor

Who of the band would you call to help you fix a flat tire? John, he's a dad and a diy guy, as much as I wanna say Rog I just don't want to deal with a drama queen when I'm having my own drama but I've seen him under the hood of a car so I've no doubt he probably knows how

What do you think Brian May smells like on am average day? Very woodsy, like pine needles and some light but expensive cologne

How would you kiss Freddie? On the cheek like a good friend I just can't get into his looks enough to think about kissing him any other way

How would you kiss John? Well if we're talking long haired fluffy John I'd probably psst at him to come around the corner and then give him a kiss and see what he does

How would you kiss Brian? Very carefully otherwise @squeezemylemon is gonna kill me so probably the sweet quick chaste type kiss

How would you kiss Roger? (My moment has come) I would walk up to him and grab ahold of one of the necklaces he wears and just pull his lips down to mine and crash mine onto his wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him for all I'm worth or less dramatically if we were just sitting on a couch or something I'd just lean my head up off his shoulder and press a gentler sort of kiss to his lips and see where he takes it after that

If you were going to date one of their kids who would it be? Felix, I'm partial to brunettes usually (Roger and Luke Skywalker are my exceptions) and he seems pretty cool and has done a lot of different things which would be interesting to talk about

Favorite gif of your least favorite band member?

10. Most recent Queen photo on your phone

11. Favorite piece of fanart?

I can't pick just one. I also don't remember where I found these and if you know the artist I'll happily tag them in the most. The artbis most definitely NOT mine

This is mine

12. Queen song that makes you want to cry? Love of My Life

13. Which band member would you pick to keep an eye on you at a party so you don't get too crazy and make it home safe? Brian probably, I would say John but I feel if he's drinking he'd be less than no help

14. Who's flat would you ask to crash at? I have reasons to want to say Roger's but banging aside I'd probably pick Freddie he was generous and funny and would probably do his beat to cheer me up from whatever circumstance had made me not have a place of my own to stay

15. Who would you want to teach you to play an instrument they play? Well I genuinely feel I'm best suited for drums so I'm not just saying Roger because he's my dude. Plus he could teach me the most instruments anyways considering as he knows drums, bass, electric, and keyboard.

16. If you could spend a day with Freddie what would you do? I'd just want to sit and have tea and talk and maybe go shopping later hear his advice and crack some jokes

17. Favorite solo song by a Queen band member? As far as written by goes, it's probably Let's Get Crazy or Happiness by Rog bit overall it's gotta be Rog's version of Racing in the Street *chills*

18. Favorite live performance?

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19. Whose singing voice do you like best? Roger Taylor (nothing against Fresh he's amazing)

20. Whose speaking voice do you like best? Again Roger Meddows Taylor for the win

21. Write a snippet where you're holding hands with your least favorite band member.

Freddie had never been to an amusement park before, hadn't wanted to go really, but John had begged him to come along and then left him with Aston to babysit while he dealt with his actual children. It wasn't that she had anything against Fred it's just him tagging along on her elbow was keeping her away from the drummer whose attention she wanted. They got onto one of the rides and she saw how pale Freddie was looking and felt sorry for him. It wasn't his fault that he was being a third wheel or that the drummer was off on one of the more dangerous rides that Freddie was not about to get on.

"You can hold my hand if you want" Aston joked looking over at Fred.

"Really?" He asked a little relieved. The two of them chuckled and to Aston's surprise Freddie's black nail polished fingertips interlaced through hers and he looked a little more at ease for the comfort of human contact.

"It'll be fine" she grinned and then the ride took off and the black fingernails damn near dug into her hand in panic.

22. Write a snippet where you're fighting with your favorite band member.

They had been living together for just over two months and despite not knowing how to boil an egg Roger somehow found a way to get into the kitchen and put things in the wrong spot. He came home from the stall.

"Where is the paprika?" She leveled at him before he had scarcely shut the door.

"The what?"

"Paprika, Rog, the spice that I was going to use for the supper I was cooking us, but I can't ever find anything in this kitchen" Aston said muttering as an afterthought "thanks to you."

"What was that?" Rog said coming over to her and looking darkly with his blue eyes.

"Just tell me where you put the paprika and we'll be fine" she sighed.

"I didn't fucking touch anything in your stupid kitchen" he glowered going to the liquor cabinet.

"Well I still can't find it" she huffed.

"Not my problem" he said swigging straight from the bottle.

"Well if you want dinner it kind of is" she retorted.

"I'll get something out" Rog said dispassionately.

"Fuck you" she muttered and went back to banging through the cabinets in search of the missing spice. She was on her knees with half her body in a lower shelf looking in the back and growing hotter for Roger showing no signs of caring or helping. She smelt the dish starting to burn on the stove and tried to crawl out, raising her head up and whacking it on the shelf above. She let out a round of oaths.

She went over to the stove and moved it off the heat halfway between tears and screaming.

"I'll order something" Roger said standing up.

"I can fucking cook!" She shouted "if only I could find the things I need when I need them."

"Well don't yell at me about it" Roger said and brushed past and out the door.

Aston collapsed onto the floor sitting with her back to the cabinets and started crying. She sobbed into the kitchen towel. So much for her cosy dinner at home with Rog. She was so distraught that she didn't hear the door open and close. She felt her fingers clutching the towel pried open and looked to see a bottle of paprika put into them. She turned her teary red eyes up to Roger's face. He pulled her to her feet and held her in his arms. Softly stroking her hair and planting a gentle kiss to her cheeks.

"Come on, I got us reservations, you can cook your thing tomorrow if you still want to" he looked down at her smiling and put a kiss to her nose and grinned at her in his arms.

23. Favorite picture of Brian

24. Favorite picture Roger

(Well it's one of many favs)

25. Favorite picture of Freddie

26. Favorite picture of John

27. Best song to slow dance to? One Year of Love

28. Best song to make out to? I'm In Love with My Car

29. Best song to drive to? Breakthru or Don't Stop Me Now

30. Best song to strip to? Tear It Up

31. What era of the band would you like to hang out with most? I wanna say mid to late 70s. I'd rather not have to hang out with them during Hot Space 😂

32. Favorite song on your favorite album? Rock It (Prime Jive)

33. Least liked song on your favorite album? Probably Play the Game

34. Who would you want to take care of you if you were sick? I feel Brian would be the most knowledgeable but I'd probably prefer Fred just cutting up and maybe grabbing the aspirins and whatever else was needed. I just don't feel Brian would be funny enough to cheer me up. And Rog I just don't know how good he'd be at taking care of someone

35. Who would you want to go driving with? Roger. Duh! So many reasons!

36. Who would you pick to spend a lazy (non-sexual) afternoon with? Well not that I'm just into Rog for the sex, he'd still be my first pick because laughs. But second would be Brian.

37. Rate how thirsty you are for each band member? Freddie 0/10. John variable between 0/10-6/10. Brian 2/10-4/10(red special is factored into Brian). Roger 1000/10 (cars aren't factored into Rog otherwise I'd break my phone adding zeros to that 1000)

38. Least favorite Roger song? Sheer Heart Attack

39. Favorite Brian song? Sail Away Sweet Sister or Dragon Attack

40. Least favorite Freddie song? Body Language and Get Down Make Love

41. Favorite John song? One Year of Love or If You Can't Beat Them

42. Are you excited for the Bohemian Rhapsody movie? Yes. Not insanely. But moderately excited yes

43. Is Queen your favorite band of all time? No. They're in my top 3 but The Moody Blues were my childhood and are so unique and very special to me

44. If you married your crush from the band where would you go on your honeymoon? The beach. Hopefully the Pacific Ocean. Probably some nice private beach just to have space with each other and I love water and he loves boating and stuff.

45. Who has the nicest butt? While I prefer Rog's ass I must admit John possesses the superior booty

46. Who has the best smile? Roger. Hands down and not just because he's my main man all around it's literally made of sunshine

47. Who would you go to if you were scared? Roger. I don't get scared so if I did I'd want someone around to make me laugh my fears away

48. If you were going to be in a crime fighting/super hero duo with one of the band, who would it be? John. He's sound and sensible and so long as he can handle my forceful personality and not write any DISpatches raking my bad behavior and rash decisions we'll get along

49. Do you listen to Queen daily, or at least multiple times a week? Yes especially if you include their solo works

50. Have you written any Queen fanfiction or made any fanart? Yes. Fanfiction galore. Some has yet to be posted but when I do it will be on @drummerinthecupboard

#followers #150 followers #woohoo #love y'all

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Life update: Road trip, R's partner, and other junk

Hi again

I know I was just on here the other day but it feels kinda odd to not post everytime I'm taking pills like I was before. Though I won't lie it's been a lot easier. I try to not think as hard on what upset me enough to take em and it's been pretty nice. Ish

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This'll be another long one so apologies in advance. Lot of stuff went on theee last few days

I've split the three major points I was talking in color coded sections.

-Green is rambling about a recent trip I went on

-Purple is thoughts on R's recent breakup with her partner of a little over a year

-Red is health shit I've had going on

(Road trip/Indiana trip as a whole)

Anyway. Last few days been slightly hectic. During that trip in Christmas my mom told me about this trip she'd be going on in July to Indiana and asked if I wanted to tag along. I ofc said yeah cause ill take damn near any excuse to get out this funky ass house annnd that was that. She didn't give details fr and up until like a week ago I didn't even know when we were going.

Thooo due to the funerals a few weeks back and her not really having plans plans for my arrival anyway, i was finna get left at the lodge second as she didn't know anyone that was coming to Indiana and my dad was gonna get a rental to drive me down which my mom didn't wanna put on him. So about 3 days before, she just was like oh you aint going lol. I played it off when I was otp with her but soon as she hung up I took R off hold and tried to do the same, only to break down in tears like 5 mins later

I feel bad to keep putting her through that so I calmed down enough to hold it in and parted ways with her bout 30 mins later. Me and my mom's relationship is kind of complicated and I thought this trip could possibly be an opportunity to uncomplicate things you know? So I felt so stuck when just like that, I was to be left after months of thinking id be there

Well in my hiding of my hurt I kinda hid my disappointment which I didn't want her to take as me not caring. So I texted her high high around 3am expressing my salt about not being able to go. Which somehow someway got me a ride to Indiana. I didn't know these people and it was a 4 hour drive (with all the extra they were doing ahit wnd up being like 6 😭) so I was kinda scared. But honestly? They were really cool.

I was slightly gone that entire car ride as I took some shit to mellow out some but I think I woulda been okay regardless. I was tryna avoid talking and I was playing sudoku and listening to music for a good 2-3ish hours. Thennn they started tryna involve me in convos and listening to their music which led them to ask if i smoked.. and I shoulda said no as I barely have experience with weed outside them bootleg delta 8 pens but I said yeah annnd we all smoked. I barely did as I knew I would be entirely too gone and I didn't want my mom to br able to tell. She seems disappointed that I smoked with my aunt that one time so I couldnt imagine how she's see me smoking with complete strangers (to me anyway. They're longtime friends to her)

See okay I know that sounds bad but the weed wasn't why I thought they were cool. They were just real persistent to involve me, even when I was pretty distant off rip. It woulda been so easy for them to just let me sit there silently but they made sure I spoke some and by the end even with me barely knowing them I got to laugh and talk shit with em. It was nice :)

Now with me being there pretty late, I just went to the room under the impression I'd just be crashing. But my mom dipped for some part of the event she came there for and left me with my 7 y/o sister and I think her... cousin? Idfk. Long story short, soon as I got there I was babysitting these kids. I didn't think nothing of it as I am pretty lenient on that sort of shit. Aka, I'm only there to make sure they aren't seriously hurt and not do anything that'll get them in big big trouble. Younger kids yeah, I know I gotta be more hands on as they wouldn't know how to feed themselves, clean up, use the bathroom ya know shit like that. But past that age, I see no real reason to breathe down their necks.

Tho... these kids bruh. I damn near cried out of frustration. They were so loud which I woulda ignored honestly but my mom was telling me how strict this hotel was about noise complaints when large groups/events booked a specific hotel. Like they whole ass had to sign an agreement to not be loud or they'd more than likely just get kicked out. Course, the form said they'd just plain kick em out but I'm sure they wouldn't be that that harsh. Nonetheless, minimal wiggle room as far as noise. So I let them play and shit but I had to quiet them down again and again cause they'd either ignore me or quiet down for two seconds and go back to it

It was a good 3-4 hours of me tryna keep them quiet til my mom came back which made them go to sleep soon after. Then she came back and went to sleep and I just.. broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I was so done and I just wanted to be alone by that point. My mom's a light light sleeper so I accidentally sobbed to hard and woke her up a fee diff times with her luckily being half sleep and not realizing what was happening. It was kinda bad tbr I wss first crying about watched the kids but then I was just spiraling and spiraling until I eventually cried myself to sleep around 5amish. Tho at 6 my mom quite literally shook me awake. To plug in her phone.

The rest of the trip was more of the same honestly. Watching the kids, reprimanding them for one thing or another, crying about it, calming down late into the night and passing out for a bit before being woken up for one thing or another. I wish I didn't even go honestly. I left the hotel twice the entire 3 days I was there. Once to take a walk as im not allowed to when I'm home and I wanted to calm down without taking pills, only to have the kids flung on me anyway lmao. The other was to get breakfast as the kids wouldn't wake up for the free hotel breakfast so we had to go somewhere to get em food. So we went to the McDonald's drive thru. Sooo honestly neither time I really left the hotel.

I thought maybe the last day would be cool as the event and everything was over and the cousin went back with her parents. I woke up late ish as I took dph the night before and I didn't feel like getting up. Thought nothing of it. Only for my mom to inform me that the person she thought would be taking me early Monday morning never came so I would not only be leaving today, I had about an hour to pack up and leave. Which included showering, getting my sister ready and fed, and getting ready cause the people driving me were gonna make a stop that required me to get out the car as well.

I couldn't even hide my anger lmao. That was about 3 days ago now and I am just now answering her calls again. I felt so used and stupid

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Next big thing that's happened is my bsf's relationship officially being over

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(R's breakup)

As I've mentioned before, R and her girlfriend have been on a break for a few weeks. I was under the impression they weren't speaking at all during this all and for the most part, they weren't. She was online playing games making it clear she was purposely ignoring R when she was tryna fix shit a few different times so I thought that was the sign right there. But my bsf recently opened up more on that shit and started talking about how she's changed into someone else lately, being super distant and the few times she'll talk to her she's being mean and yelling about one thing or another

Ah.. there was this one night about a week ago where she was really going through it, coming to terms with everything. She was just saying hoe while she said she'd be there for anything she wasn't her *insert partner name* uh prolly should've made a fake one long before but whatever. Anyway she was crying about it cause ehe felt like her partner changed so much and while she was still in love and still planned on doing everything she said she would, she wouldn't fight for her to do the same for her. It broke my heart just hearing it all. All the nights I've had to console a crying, stoic and at times intoxicated R she still would do it again if it meant going back to how they were. It genuinely made me hate her partner. I hated having to watch her suffer for someone that clearly wouldn't do the same for her

But it all came to a head yesterday. Me and R don't talk like we did before as she's usually busy during the day and I'm off doing my own shit as well. We mostly text lateish at night as the absolute latest she's ever working is 11 and I usually don't sleep til around 2ish so I'm usually free around then as well. But yesterday, we were talking around afternoonish. Initially it was just us checking in with each other but then we started talking shit and sending memes and junk. It went on for a good 30 mins of damn near instant replies as we were both focused on it until after a while R just stopped replying. I wasn't thinking nothing of it I sent a sc from this sudoku tournament I was in and I said something about some song a little while later. Kinda tryna get her attention again without making it seem dire or urgent.

She responded about the song shit like an hour or two later and I aint think nothing of it. The after she said that she dropped the bombshell. Her partner broke up with her. I tried my best to not treat her differently out of pity even though I was sad for her cause I know hearing that shit can make it sting 10x worse. I took it all in and cracked a joke here and there where I could but she dipped shortly after she explained everything

What boggled my mind was that I was just checking R's accs out of curiosity wondering of they had officially broken up and at the time her partner already unfriended her on a few platforms but R still kept traces of her nearly everywhere. Then less than 24 hours later, they're done. Shit was weird. The only real mention of her now is her disc as she left her name as the nickname her partner gave her but tbh I think R likes bunnies anyway so that could be unrelated

We have spoken once today as I accidentally called her when I was half sleep tryna call my mom. I usually don't call anyone but her so I called her out of habit before being like oh wait and hanging up. She had her phone off so it didn't really matter but she texted back just telling me not to apologize and that she understood and stuff. Then she's went back to being silent.

Her disc isn't offline for the first time in forever but it's in do not disturb so it ain't much better. Specially since she ain't signed in on her phone so she's really just ignoring anyone reacting out on there. Though she also could be on vc with her partner and not wanting to be interrupted too so not 100%

In addition to that she unfriended nearly everyone on her insta which is honestly expected. The only one she didn't unfriend is an unactive acc of an old friend. That's a long story but essentially, everyone including me and her partner

I'm not too worried for now. I know it'll be a few days of mostly silence and her ignoring everyone but she did text earlier today and I know she's online at the very least so I'm okay. I'm gonna try to aim for at least getting one response a day from her just to make sure she's alive and shit but aside from that I know she wants space for now and I'll give it to her for now.

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And finally there's smaller news about me

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(My health and stuff)

I've kinda tapered off again. Ish. The trip prevented me from taking all that much for a few days and me coming down from that 1.5 and the 850 made me not too fussy on that. I go a lot longer without dph and I haven't been taking much anymore. I only brought a little less than a gram for the trip so I had to ration it out pretty carefully so I'd have enough to keep me from withdrawing while not taking enough to make me too visibly high. I think I took 250 the trip on there, 450 the second night when I was watching my sister, then 200-300ish the trip back cause I started getting too angry and was crying. Luckily for me the blaring country music the people I was riding with this time covered the noises from that and they were not as keen to get me involved with their conversations but nonetheless I knew I would only get away with it for so long before they started asking questions so I popped the rest of my pills and went to sleep.

Now that I've been back I took 350 the first night I was back and took another 300 yesterday night. I didn't really want to take the 300 but I've noticed there's some days where my heart will feel tight and'll hurt when it's been a while without. Sometimes it's not too bad and ill just ignore and sometimes it's really noticeable and painful to the point I don't care if I want it or not I'll take some just to stop feeling it. I was originally only taking 200 but it still hurt so I just took 50 more every like 30ish mins til it stop hurting

I've been crying a bit less nowadays as well. Which is kinda weird as now I just have the temptation to alot more.. mind is weird ig 🥴

Had a few other issues of varying seriousness

At some point the day before I went on the trip I cut my hand pretty bad tho I forgot about it... then rubbed multiple more than likely not clean dogs with the same hand. Ah snd this ofc was not before I accidentally spilt a baking soda lemon juice in the cut earlier that day. Smh. The cut was so sore and actually the day I got back it hurt to handle anything that required anymore than gentle ass gripping. I was scared to tell anyone in fear of them trying to take me to urgent care over it as I know we can't really afford that shit rn so I toughed it out. It's not too noticeable now so it's probably nothing but those first few days were scary.

It kinda hurts to hold in my pee at times as I hold it for so long I'll forget I'm holding til it hurts to walk. Ive been tryna be better about that as R scolds me all the time and stresses how bad it is for me but I occasionally forget and do it anyway and it ain't fun to say the least. Plus it kinda spooks me to see at times ngl. That period where I was yellow yellow my piss was chronically dark but now it is dark at times but I do more as far as hydration so it ain't nearly as bad. Still like uts weird going from being slightly dehydrated before to now being so dehydrated I'd probably have an iv slapped on me if I went to a doctor. I've also had to be a log better about exfoliation as my dry ass skin will clog my skin in a heartbeat if I dont

Aside from that it's been more of the same. I mostly eat once a day with it usually being cereal or malt o meal as they're quick and easy and comforting for whatever reason. My stomach hurts at times but not much of the burny feeling I used to have a lot. I've been pretty isolated from my family nowadays, even the sister I was covering for a little while ago. I'll talk to them if they happen to be around while I go up there but for the most part I stay quiet in my room and try to avoid going upstairs when I can hear one of them around. I try to talk as minimally as possible with the only real exception to that being with R and wuth me being pretty quiet otp with her as well, she's only partially excluded at that

I remember I used to speak so little that it'd make my throat sore to speak for anymore than a few minutes. It's kinda on and off issue of mine and its kinda exacerbated with any sort of projection/yelling so I did have slight issue with that as well. It's mostly gone away now as I've gone back to no more than like 15 mins of using my voice in a day so that's alr

Uhhh but on that note I think I'm about done. I took another 250 in the middle of writing this as my heart felt eeird again and I wanted to stop that before that got annoying and my tolerance has made that nearly nonexistent feeling. More than likely finna make some malt o meal and take some more. And play the sims.. or download more stuff. I've been hyperfixated on that for the past few weeks smh. Possibly'll post a few on here but more than likely not. For one feels a little inappropriate for the blog and two I dunno if anyone really cares to see that 💀💀💀

Ya know like.. course they're my sims so I don't really need to post them for me. But I dunno. Strong maybe

#update #vent #excessively long

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xxisxxisxxis · 5 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-One

Table of Content or Part Forty

Read here on wattpad.

Words: 3.2k

Warning(s): Explicit language, minor sexual situations, drug abuse, drug over dose

A/N: Had to cut this chapter in half because tumblr was being sketchy w the length of it for some reason. Anyway, second half will be up asap but I'm about to pass tf out. Also, this chapter was gonna have some smut but I put it in with the second half instead because the vibe didn't mesh well with it included in this one. Have a good night, update coming tomorrow/late tonight (Jan. 3). Goodnight!!

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I can't help but laugh a little as Nikki presses kisses up and down my neck, bottle of Jack in one hand, part of my ass in the other as our car takes the both of us through London.

Valentine's Day, 1986, started out as one of the best Valentine's Days we'd spent together.

Nikki's mood wasn't too good or too bad, it was a tolerant neutral, I suppose it's because we hadn't done much talking at all.

He'd woken me up with his tongue between my legs and it stayed that way until I had soaked the sheets and was practically begging him to give me a break because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then we proceeded to screw around, then got ready to leave to meet everyone at the Hammersmith Odeon where they were due to play that night.

"How much longer?" I ask him, pulling away from a tongue filled, lust fueled kiss, referring to the time left before we get where we're going.

"Like, ten minutes, maybe." He tells me.

My hand reaches between us, rubbing over the obvious bulge in his pants, before he reads my mind.

After our quicky, I'm pulling my panties back on while he's pulling his gear from his boot.

I just let out a breath.

"Nikki--"

"--I'm fucked on blow right now, Viv. I gotta get myself leveled out." He tells me.

I just nod a little, not bothering to argue.

Once we arrive, Fred's meeting us in the back to escort us inside as fans are already crowding around the front entrance.

Nikki's grabbing at my hand once we get out, as he and Fred start talking.

"And there's a surprise for you." Fred tells me as we walk in.

I furrow my brows before he's nodding to our left.

I see the massive, teased, blonde hair and flashy clothing and I'm leaving Nikki's side before I can help myself.

Mike's just as happy to see me and I am to see him, the both of us hugging each other tightly before pulling away to examine each other with wide smiles.

He looks incredible.

He's glowing.

He's gained back the weight he lost dramatically after Razzle died, and it's so obvious that he hasn't touched a drink or Drug in months.

He looks at peace.

"You look great." I tell him, looking him up and down.

"I feel great." He replies. "You look..." He starts, examining me similarly.

I look like I've been dragged through hell.

"Like shit." I finish for him and he rolls his eyes.

"Beautiful, Vivian. You've always been beautiful." He argues.

The shining of a silver band around his left ring finger catches my eye, despite multiple rings decorating his hands.

"Now, I've heard about this." I take his hand and look at the wedding band and he gets giddy. "But I have yet to even see her."

He's pulling his wallet out of his pocket and pulling a picture out, showing me a photo of a woman with dark hair, arched brows, who's no-bullshit demeanor is practically jumping out of the picture.

Jude Wilder had been working at CBS when she'd met Michael while working on Hanoi Rocks' project called "Two Steps From The Move."

She was nine years older than him, but that didn't surprise me. Michael's always been nine years ahead of everyone else in maturity, and they were perfect for each other.

They got married in 1985, and were inseparable.

When she died in 2001, after suffering an intracranial hemorrhage, Michael sunk into the excruciatingly low place he sunk to when Razzle died. But in true Mike Monroe fashion, he didn't allow himself to be down very long, threw the drugs out, and was remarried to a gorgeous, sweet, ball of light named Johanna by mid-2003.

"She's gorgeous, Michael." I tell him in admiration, although I know he's never necessarily been into looks as much as he's after a good personality and clear head.

"Thank you. She'll love to hear that." He chuckles, tucking the picture back into his wallet. "Have you seen the other guys here?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

He motions behind me and I see Andy, Sami, and Nasty, talking to Tommy and Nikki.

Nikki beckons for me and I go to them, trying not to be overly motherly upon seeing them, the three of us sharing the same exchange Michael and I did.

Tight hugs, and an invisible thankfulness that they're in a more positive headspace than the last time I saw them.

Well, except one.

Andy's still on heroin. It doesn't take me two seconds to pick up on it and I can tell it's gonna be a priority to keep him and Nikki separated after the show.

I don't need them fueling the fire under each other's spoons.

Sami and Nasty look better than the last time I saw them, which is amazing.

I'm surprised any of the guys want anything to do with us after the thick of their grieving.

"Are you staying for the show?" I ask Andy.

"Absolutely." Andy states, pointing at Nikki. "And I'm showing him around when it's all over."

A protective chord is struck in me, and I'm finding myself having to pull back on the reins before I offend Andy.

Nikki seems to agree, before I shit all over it.

"It's Valentine's Day." I cut in. "I was hoping we could hang out." I look to Nikki.

"You can come with us, babe." He suggests and I try to hide my true emotions about it, but Michael sees through it.

"Oh, c'mon, Nikki. It's Valentines Day." He interjects, picking up on my concern of Andy and Nikki out on the town, binging.

Nikki's pulling a handful of bills out of his pocket before handing it to Michael.

"You take her out, then." He tells him casually, and Michael looks at me, caught off guard, able tell this isn't the first time Nikki's acted like this towards me and it's as if he's saying, "he's like this now?"

"Guys, c'mon, you gotta get dressed." Doc pulls at Nikki and Tommy.

The show goes smoothly, despite a few hiccups and—as predicted—Andy and Nikki are thick as thieves.

I help Nikki get his white and black polka dotted suit off, before he's pulling on his tshirt and jeans, pulling his boots on.

Before I head for the door when he's dressed, he's grasping at my hand and stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask, raising my brows.

"C'mere." He tugs me to him and I chuckle a little.

"What is it?" I repeat, grinning, and he leans down and presses his lips to mine, sweetly.

"I really wish you would come with me tonight." He tucks some of my hair behind my ear and I shake my head a little.

"Nah, I'll just hangout with Mike."

"No, I wanna hangout with you." He argues lightly.

"You and Andy are gonna be doing things I'm not into." I point out.

"Like what?" He asks.

"You know what." I reply.

"Alright, how about you and Mike come with us so you aren't by yourself?"

"How about you just don't touch heroin?" I suggest and his smile falters, his jaw rolling. I don't even let him say anything else.

I kiss him one last time before trying to sweep whatever argument is brewing, under the rug.

"I'll see you when you get back tonight, Nikki, okay?" I ask and he sighs out.

"Whatever, Viv." He mumbles as I step out.

I find Mike and Tommy telling Nasty and Sami "goodbye", and I step to them, glancing around for Vince, who isn't anywhere to be seen.

It's obvious he's keeping his distance.

"Leaving already?" I ask the two dark haired boys.

"Got to get back home for a bit. We'll see you around, eventually." Nasty tells me, grinning as he squeezes my hand assuringly.

"I'll be meeting Mike back in the states in about a month." Sami adds. "We'll he sure to stop by."

"Okay." I nod, smiling at the both of them. "Be careful, I'll see you later." I them.

"See you, man." Mike tells the two of them, hugging the both of them.

"Big plans tonight, Viv?" Tommy nudges me and I point my thumb in Mike's direction. "What about Nikki?"

"He's married to Andy's dealer tonight." I reply and Mike raises his brows, not saying a word, and Tommy seems like he doesn't quite know how to respond.

"We're outta here!" Andy exclaims, he and Nikki stepping to the exit with Fred escorting them out to their car.

"He's really not spending tonight with you?" Tommy asks me, disappointed, and I raise my brows.

"Are you surprised?"

"..." He says everything with a single look and I nod.

"Exactly." I scoff, going to the dressing room to grab my purse.

Once I get back, Fred is waiting for Mike and I.

"Press talks." Fred warns us right before we step outside.

The paps aren't horrid here like in America, but there's enough here to spin a narrative if they choose.

"So does bullshit." I reply as he opens the car door and I slide in with Mike following me.

"Be careful, guys. I'll see you later, Viv." Fred tells me and I nod before he shuts the door.

Michael looks at me with a smile.

"What now?" He asks me and I shake my head a little.

"Food." I tell him. "And a lot of it."

Although I would have loved to spend the day of love with my husband, spending it with Michael Monroe while stuffing my face with London's very best take-out, was nice.

But there was someone who upstaged Nikki, aside from Mike.

I step into the hotel after dinner with Michael and his wife, carrying my heels in my hands because my feet are killing me, ready to go to sleep.

"Mrs. Sixx, there was a delivery made to your room by your management earlier." The woman at the front desk tells me as I walk by to the elevator.

"Alright, thank you." I reply.

When I get to my room, I unlock the door and I'm met with a large bouquet of classic red roses.

I furrow my brows, knowing they can't be from Nikki, but already know who they can be from when I see two little plastic water guns tucked into the flowers, a bottle of Pepsi and a bag of gummy worms beside them.

I pick up the card and nearly start crying.

"We miss you! Happy V-Day, V!

Love, more than Jack and Marlboro (or Pepsi and gummy worms), Tansy, Steven, Axl, Izzy, Slash, and Duff."

It's etched in Doc's handwriting, and I chuckle at the thought of Doc on the phone with Tansy while she dictates what he writes on a card for flowers she probably begged him to get me before the show ended tonight.

I keep myself from crying, a strong sense of homesickness washing over me.

I pick up the phone, trying to calculate the time difference.

It's 2:00am here, which means it's only 6:00pm in L.A.

I'm dialing their apartment—damning the overseas charge that I know will be billed to us—knowing they're probably getting ready to go out or head to a club for a gig.

"Yo." I hear Steven's voice on the other line.

"Hey, Steven, it's Viv."

"Viv?" He asks excitedly. "Aye, Viv's on the phone!" I hear him say, hearing indistinguishable sentences in the back ground.

"Yeah, I just called to let you guys know I just got back to my room and saw the flowers." I explain, fumbling with the phone chord, sitting down on the bed.

"Do you like 'em?" He asks me and I nod to myself.

"Yes, they're beautiful." I reply.

"Well, Tansy mentioned getting you something for Valentine's Day and she and Duff called the guys' manager and told him some stuff you'd like." He informs me.

"I-Is Duff there?" I ask.

"Uhh, yeah, gimme a second." He tells me. "Duff! Man, it's Viv!" He calls into the apartment. "He's comin', baby." He assures me. "Alright, here he is."

"Bye, I love you." I tell him.

"I love you, too." He replies as I hear the phone being handed off.

"Hello?" Duff answers and I rub my lips together.

"Hey, I know you're probably busy so I wasn't gonna keep you long, I just wanted to say 'thank you' for the flowers and the junkfood I really shouldn't be eating but I'm going to eat anyway." I state and he chuckles.

"I'm just waiting on the guys, and I thought about Coke and potatoe chips but I knew that would be kinda mean so I played it safe." He informs me.

"You don't have a mean bone in your body, Duff." I point out. "Oh, guess who I ate dinner with tonight?"

"Nikki?" He asks and I scoff.

"That's an entire conversation on it's own." I reply. "Michael Monroe and his lovely wife, Jude, took me out to dinner."

"You can't just say it that casually, Viv." He tells me. "You gotta cry tears of joy or something, holy shit."

"Well, I suggest you learn how to keep your cool because him and Sami Yaffa will be visiting L.A. soon and I will be introducing you and the guys, if you're interested."

"Shut up." He says it in disbelief and I smile.

"Guns N' Roses came up during dinner and I may or may not have bragged about one W.Axl Rose, Steven Adler, Izzy Stradlin, Slash Hudson, and Duff McKagan and piqued his interest."

"Shut up!" He says it louder. "Viv, I know it's not a big deal to you because he's one of your friends but...holy shit, Sixx, you didn't have to do that."

"I did, Duff. You guys deserve it." I argue. "You deserve it."

"I fucking love you." He tells me, genuinely. "And I'm not just saying that because you did something nice, like, I can't say 'thank you' enough or tell you how much I love you for being just as enthusiastic as we are and believing in us as much as you have for the past year."

"You guys are great people, Duff. And God's given the five of you incredible musical gifts. It's against my religion not to help expose those gifts to the rest of the world and I know you guys can do it, as much as you guys know you can."

"Thank you, Viv." He tells me again. "And where's Nikki at?" He asks me and I close my eyes for a second, not wanting to say something that will put a damper on his mood.

"He wasn't feeling well so he came back to the hotel while the three of us went to dinner. But he's feeling better now and he's in the shower so we'll spend some time together when he's out." I lie.

"Okay, good. The guys are about ready to go, now, so I'm gonna let you go." He tells me.

"Alright, have fun." I reply, trying to force back tears. "And tell the guys I said 'hey' and that I miss them." I add.

"I will, Viv. Goodnight. I love you." He states, and a tear topples over my lashline, pretending, just for a moment, I'm hearing those words from Nikki.

A sad, broken smile cracks at my lips.

"I love you, too, Duff." I reply. "Goodnight."

I hang up, stepping to the bathroom to take off my makeup and get a shower.

By the time I get out of the shower, I'm so tired my mind practically shuts down the second my head hits the pillow.

Typically I wouldn't be able to sleep due to being alone, however, I'm not technically alone.

A loud, startling bang rattles at my door, and I jerk awake, confused for a moment. I glance at the clock, seeing it's only 3:30am, and I roll my eyes, knowing it's Nikki and he probably left his key somewhere.

Without even looking in the peep-hole, I open the door to see a frantic, panicking Andy.

Before this continues, I need to clarify that I understand it isn't anyone else's fault that Nikki did drugs. He had his struggles and demons all without anyone offering him anything to shoot up, snort, swallow down, or drink. He could have easily said "no" to these things, but for some reason just couldn't.

But back then, I knew people knew he couldn't help himself. So no one who could have been considered an enabler was off limits. And Andy was an enabler.

All it takes is for him to say the words "Nikki's in bad trouble" and my face twists, tears toppling from my eyes, an entire wave of emotions rocking through my body, before I'm throwing both of my fists at him.

"Vivian!" He's screaming repeatedly as I'm yelling out nonsense at him, sobbing, weakly hitting him.

Once I've gotten calmed down in a couple minutes, Andy's grabbing at my shoulders, his cheek bleeding from my ring cutting him.

"Get your head clear." He practically has to pull me together for myself.

I'm running down the street from the hotel as fast as my bare feet can take me, Andy leading me to the run-down apartment he and Nikki were hanging out at.

I walk into to this rat holding a baseball bat of Nikki, about to hit him.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Andy barks at him as I snatch the bat from his hands.

I'm about to hit him with it instead, but Andy's grabbing at me. "Viv, keep your head clear." He tells me again, pulling the bat from my hands and I glare into the sunken in eyes of the stranger, silently promising he'll get his when I get my blue husband awake.

I'm overwhelmed and feel defeated at the sight of him.

Blue, soaking wet from being wet down in an attempt to be woken up, and the deterioration of his body from his use is even more evident in his current state.

Andy is screaming at the guy for hitting him with a bat instead of continuing to give him mouth to mouth and pumping his chest like Andy had been doing before he came and got me.

I start CPR, trying to keep my shit together, but I obviously fail.

My stomach cramps like shards of glass are scraping at me. Except it's not my stomach, it's my uterus.

"Andy." I cry out, keeping my hands on Nikki's chest, but the Finnish rockstar keeps yelling back and forth with the dealer. "Andy." I repeat, louder, but he still doesn't hear me. "Andy!" I'm pleading in a holler, catching his attention. "I-I can't do this, I'm sick, just call an ambulance!" I beg and Andy heads to the phone hanging on the wall.

"No!" The living dead-rat argues roughly, fear in his pinned eyes as he practically snatches the phone off the wall, refusing to hand it to Andy.

"My husband is dying if not already dead! He needs help!" I argue, sweat beginning to perspire thinly on my skin, my own pain intensifies, my vision starting to blur slightly as I feel hot liquid rush from between my bare legs, and I'm blacking out along with Nikki.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #tommy lee #mötley crüe #the dirt #gateway drug

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rogue-barnes-16 · 6 years

Text

SWEET

Request: Can I please request an imagine where Bucky falls in love with a nerdy, sweet, innocent, short (I’m 4ft 10 1/2in btw LOL) Kindergarten teacher (I’m also a kindergarten teacher😂). They meet when she takes the kids on a field trip to the museum (the one that has all of the Captain America and Bucky stuff), they talk a lot and he asks her on a date + he introduces her to Steve and Sam as his girlfriend + Bucky being soft for the reader + sweet kisses, cuddles, and hugs.💜

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x teacher!Reader

Genre: super Fluffy

Tags:

Requested by: @kpopgirlbtssvt

Warnings: none (?)

A/N: wanna hear something funny? I read it wrong. Like the whole request, so I had to delete what I'd written and write it again (why am I such a mess?) and THEN tumblr deleted it after I had finished it. Anyway, I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy <3

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

I didn't want to go to the Smithsonian to see the expo of Captain Fuckin' America all over again, but Natasha insisted that they had modified it, and that I sure had to go and see it all over again.

I was walking towards one of the newly added panels when a little kid bumped into my leg. "Fuck!" I turned around just in time to see the kid falling on his butt. "God 'm sorry" I kneeled in front of him to check if he was okay.

I heard rushed steps that preceded the view of a girl kneeling in front of me. "what did I say about running?-I'm sorry" she added, giving me an apologetic smile.

"I'm the one who's sorry" I smiled at her, but she wasn't even looking in my direction.

"Miss Y/n!" the woman turned around to look at a bunch of little kids that were now approaching us "look, It's Bucky Barnes!" the whole group started to squeal excited.

"Oh- I-" Y/n was finally looking at me with wide eyes and lips parted, and for the first time, I was able to see how damn beautiful she was. "Oh" she repeated, letting out nervous chuckle.

Her eyes, along with the children's ones and the few people's in the museum, were too much for me to deal with. "I-I'm sorry again. Have- have a good... time" I muttered, beaming at her before getting up to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

"Okay, kids, let's go pick things up" I said, smiling at the children while I grabbed the keys. I opened the five lockers where they had left their things, and then, after checking the number on my key, I looked for mine.

At the beginning of the trip, I had asked one of the receptionists to store my things while I helped the kids, in order to save some time. And, of course, they had to choose a locker from the third row.

Right before I left to ask for help, Bucky Barnes entered in the room and, flashling me a smile, he walked to his locker.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped to him and tapped his shoulder. "I'm- I don't want to bother but my things... They're in that locker and" he looked at the locker I was pointing at. "I kinda-" c'mon, say it, I thought, it's not like he hasn't seen you. "God this is so embarrassing" I let out a nervous chuckle "I'm too short to reach it, could you-"

He let out a chuckle. "sure. Gimme your key?" I gave it to him and waited besides him. "here" he called my attention, carefully handing me my bag.

The corners of my mouth twitched when, instead of giving me my jacket, he held it for me to put it on "Thank you so much"

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

"No worries, Y/n" I gnawed my lip nervously before adding something else. "it's Y/n right?" she, biting back a grin, nodded.

"well, thank you anyway... Bucky." she replied, looking up at me enough time to see the blush creeping over my neck and ears. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two of us. "I should get g-"

"Did you like the expo?" I blurted out, feeling incredibly unhappy about her leaving.

She looked at me, with a spark of surprise and confusion in her eyes. "yeah. I actually come with the kids often." I nodded, my mind buzzing, trying to find a way to keep the conversation going. "Did you like it?"

Sadly, I heard her question after I had spoken, and not before. "would you like to grab a coffee?" her lips parted and her eyes widened, I realized I should have thought twice. "God 'm sorry, I don't-"

"Uh... I've to come back to school with the children" before I was able to tell her to forget it, she spoke again. "but this- this afternoon I'm free?" she questioned more than stated, gnawing her lower lip.

"is that a yes?" she nodded, extending her hand to me. "what... Oh fuck sorry" we both laughed while I gave her my phone for her to write down her number.

"Okay so" she gave it back to me and grabbed her bag. "I finish at 4"

"Okay Uh..." I walked out of the building with her and her class "Send me the address of the school and I'll pick you up"

"Sure, see you later, Bucky!" She said excitedly, walking away with the kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I double checked the address she had sent me before climbing off my bike.

Bucky: I'm outside:) r u ready?

During the few minutes it took her to answer, a wave of insecurities overwhelmed me, but most of them were ridiculous things I had never been insecure of.

And then it hit me, how damn nervous I was.

Y/n: I have a problem :(

Y/n: come in, I'll explain

I did as she told me to do and, after asking where Y/n was, I got to her class' door, where she was already waiting for me.

"Hey there" I greeted with a smile, managing to suppress the 'beautiful' that almost came out of me. "what happened?"

"i have to prepare a last minute activity for tomorrow" She groaned dramatically, running a hand through her hair. "I'm so sorry, I really wanted to-"

"Hey, 's okay" I gave her a small smile, not even bothering on hiding my disappointment. "tomorrow maybe?"

"yeah... Okay" she parted her lips a couple of times like she wanted to say something, but she ended up giving me a tight-lipped smile and got in the class.

READER'S P. O. V.

Who the fuck cancels a date with Bucky Barnes? Oh, yes. Me. I let out a loud groan followed by a whine, and I almost missed the buzz of my phone.

Bucky: are you gonna be alone?

Y/n: yeah why?

He did read the message, but the fact that I didn't get any kind of reply made me kind of upset.

To my surprise, not even ten minutes later Bucky was entering in the class with two coffees and two doughnuts.

"what's this?" I asked, a smile creeping over my face while he set everything over my desk.

"Didn't feel like waiting" he handed me a one of the coffees, leaning against the desk. "and I thought you could use some company"

"I definitely could" I confessed with a chuckle, walking to his side and hopping onto the table. "thanks Bucky. This was really sweet."

We looked at each other for a moment, the same stupid smile on our faces. "can you tell me if the coffee's good? 'cause I have no fucking clue what I ordered."

I let out a laugh "how's that even possible?"

"names were long and complicated, doll" he defended himself. "it was easier back in the day"

"back in the day" I echoed amused before taking a sip of my drink. "well it's... Sweet"

"just like you, then" I felt my cheeks reddening at that simple statement. "and it's hot too" snorting, I buried my face on Bucky arm, who was softly chuckling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of my alarm going off had never been so annoying.

When I tried to move to turn it off, Bucky’s strong arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest. "don't"

"Bucky, I have to work" I mumbled, trying not so hard to get rid of his embrace. "c'mon, do you want me to lose my job?"

We had been dating for a few weeks already, but it was the first time that I had stayed the night at Bucky’s house —a. K. a the Avengers tower— so I wanted to leave before anyone could wake up.

"not gonna lose it, darlin'. You're too good at it." he stated, nuzzling his nose against my neck. "You're so warm. Like a blanket"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Bucky, c'mon" I half-heartedly pulled away, earing a whine from him, and jumped out of the bed.

It took me less time than I thought to find the kitchen. Surprisingly, the hardest part was to find the food.

I was focused on the things in the fridge when a voice almost gave me a heart attack. "Jesus Fucking Christ! Who are you?" I turned around to be met with Sam Wilson himself, dressed in a pigeon pj's.

"I'm-"

"That's Barnes tee-shirt" he stated, calmly stepping to the hall. "STEVE GET YOUR ASS HERE, BARNES BROUGHT A GIRL!"

"WHAT WHERE?" My eyes went wide and I froze in place when Steve fucking Rogers entered. "Holy motherfucking shit, 's true"

"Uh..."

"'Course it's true!" Sam yelled offended.

Thank God, in that moment Bucky entered in the kitchen and made his way towards me. "found your breakfast?" I denied, not being able to formule a proper sentence. "shouldda waited for me, baby" he whispered, grabbing a few things from the top shelf. "Sorry 'bout them" he pulled me closer and pecked my nose.

"Buck" Steve called his friend and we both turned to him. "who's her?"

"she's Y/n" he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "my girlfriend." I started to blush like crazy, and Bucky might have felt it, because he pulled me to the side his chest with one of his arms, while with the other prepared my breakfast.

"You're what now?" Sam asked, and I saw him leaning over the counter between us. "Tell us about you, Y/n"

I opened my mouth to try to avoid that somehow, but Bucky was faster. "she gotta go to work, right?" I nodded and he gave me the breakfast. "c'mon, baby. Eat and I'll drive you there."

"Okay." I finally managed to speak, and Bucky leaned on me to peck my lips. "thanks Bucky"

He gave me a smile an guided my out of the kitchen with the breakfast in my hands, leaving behind us Steve's and Sam's bantering about us.

"I'm really sorry. Forgot today was training day" he apologized again in low voice, kissing my temple.

"it's okay, they seem nice" I said entering in his room and leaving the breakfast over the nightstand. "but they're like hyped kids"

"they're indeed" he agreed with a grin on his face. "so" throwing himself to the bed, he lay on his back with his head resting over one of his hands. "now that I'm taking you to school, and we've more time..."

I huffed, but when he pouted at me, I gave in. "just five more minutes." I warned, scooting closer to him and lying on his chest with my arms hugging him.

"Okay, miss" he replied, shifting his position to be able to cuddle me better. "just five more minutes"

"Bucky I mean it" I warned him again when he got way too comfortable.

"No you don't"

"fuck you, James" I said, chuckling heartedly.

"sweet"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him into a kiss, which turned out to be a mess due to both of our smiles.

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Bea & Buster

Bea: Buster, you need to come back and explain what's going on Bea: You've scared your sister half to death Buster: I'm sorry about Nance and I've said it to her, but I can't Bea: Yes you can, you can always talk to us Buster: Make her leave first Buster: Send her to Granddad's or wherever Bea: Right Bea: We will Buster: Mum Buster: I'm sorry, alright Bea: Whatever you've done, we can sort it Buster: Not this time Buster: It's too late Bea: It's never too late Bea: and we can do anything, that's what we do Bea: Talk to me Buster: I don't know how to say any of this Bea: Just say it Bea: Don't bother trying to sugarcoat it, I can handle it Buster: Okay Buster: There's a girl saying she's pregnant with my kid Bea: And it's possible it's yours, of course? Buster: I don't remember, but she says it is Bea: You don't remember? Buster: No Buster: I was having a bad night and I was in a state Bea: Right Bea: We'll get the paternity and then we'll go from there Bea: This doesn't affect your plan, you still go to University Buster: There's something else Buster: This girl, you know her. Bea: Who is it? Buster: It's Chloe. The same one who Nance had all those problems with Bea: Oh Buster Buster: Don't Buster: I know Bea: I see why you want Nancy out the house Bea: but you're going to have to tell her Bea: and I don't know if me and your Dad can make that right for you Buster: Yeah Buster: She's only just forgiven me for sleeping with her Bea: You've got a lot of thinking to do Bea: Do you really want her in your life for life? Buster: Of course I don't, but she's keeping the baby so there's nothing I can do about it Bea: You always have a choice Bea: she's making hers, that doesn't have to dictate yours Buster: It already has though, if it's my kid I can't just turn my back Bea: You mean you don't want to Bea: if that's what you're doing, take ownership of it now Bea: no child wants to be a burden you have to deal with Buster: Trust me, I'd love too Buster: I don't wanna have a kid Buster: Not with her and not now Buster: But it's not an option to just act like this ain't happening, is it? Bea: Of course it is Bea: but if it's yours, you're gonna know that and then you've gotta deal with that Bea: but it's still an option, let's not pretend it isn't Buster: I don't wanna be like that Buster: You all hate Drew for that exact thing Bea: That's different Bea: You're not going to then hang around and dump another child on her, are you Buster: Obviously not, but it's still gonna fuck the kid up anyway Buster: She can't do this on her own, literally, she shouldn't be doing it at all Bea: Plenty of kids don't have Dads Bea: She's got parents Bea: Don't make any decisions yet Bea: because you don't even know if it's yours Buster: Mum, you didn't hear her Buster: She's not taking this seriously in any way Buster: I'm actually scared of how much of a mess this'll be Bea: I just don't want you getting attached to an idea that might not be real Bea: it might not be your mess to sort Buster: Let's hope not Buster: I told her to get the DNA before she talks to me again Bea: I'm not trying to be harsh about it Bea: But if you can save yourself the hurt then, I'm going to try Bea: You can plan your next move when that's sorted, either way Buster: Can I stay here for a while? Bea: How long? Buster: I don't know Buster: If she gets the DNA done now that'll take a week at least, so I read, but who knows if she'll drag her feet on it Buster: Her parents don't even know yet so Bea: Silly little girl Bea: Well, if you get it sorted with your School, get your work sent over Bea: I don't have a problem with it Bea: Are you planning on telling Nancy or waiting 'til you know? Buster: I should wait but being in the house with her and not telling her is gonna be fucked up Buster: Should I stay somewhere else or what? Bea: Maybe Bea: We can't very well ask her to leave Bea: We'll give you the money if you need for a hotel Bea: I don't think you should tell her until it's confirmed Bea: no sense before Buster: Yeah okay Buster: Chlo wants me to tell her parents with her and I said I would but Rio reckons it's another mistake Buster: Tell me what you think Bea: You've talked to Rio about this? Buster: Nance contacted her looking for you Bea: Yes, but your sister said she could get nothing intelligible out of you Bea: I'm glad you calmed down though Bea: I don't know, it can't hurt to be there Bea: gives you some control over your side of it Bea: Just don't let them pressure you into conforming to what they'll want for her, or let them put all the blame at your door Buster: I won't Buster: Is Nancy alright? Bea: She's fine, just shaken up Bea: You'll need to think of something to say to tide her over Bea: or we can but Bea: you can't leave it like that, really Buster: I'll sort it Buster: Are you gonna tell dad or do I have to? Bea: I can but he'll still expect to talk to you about it Buster: I can already hear what he's gonna say, but sure Bea: Give him a chance Bea: he's been there Bea: Kind of Buster: No he hasn't. It couldn't be more different and this couldn't be a more stupid mistake to make Buster: I should know better. I do Bea: I hate to burst your bubble but you weren't part of the master plan, not just because we got one free Bea: You adapt Bea: Not going to kill you, or stop you from getting what you actually want Buster: She might. She's unhinged Bea: Buster, I might be dealing with this extraordinarily well but it's still not a time for jokes Buster: I'm not joking or laughing, mum. You know what she's like Buster: I shouldn't have trusted her when she said she had it under control, I should've insisted that she get the pill with me instead of just letting her fob me off Bea: You can't control how she behaved or behaves Bea: but you know, if it's yours, we won't let anything happen to it, yeah? Buster: You can't promise me that, can you? Buster: The first thing cancels out the second thing Bea: I can Bea: If you think I'd let anything happen to you or my grandchild then you don't know me very well at all Buster: I know enough, like Buster: How the fuck did you do this, me and Nance with uni and everything? Buster: I'm not ready for any of it Bea: What's the alternative? Bea: Not do it? Not an option Bea: You just do Buster: You wanted to, is what you mean Buster: No matter what Buster: I don't feel that. I don't feel anything like that Buster: Not about this Bea: I wanted to have a good job, use my brain, make a lot of money Bea: I HAD to look after you two Bea: How could you? It isn't real yet Bea: you've not even seen her in person, never mind had the DNA Bea: it isn't real 'til they're here, even then, you autopilot through a lot of it, that's the truth of the matter Buster: I don't want it to be real Buster: And I don't want things that are to be ruined Bea: Then fight to make it so they aren't Buster: I'm trying Buster: However it looks to you, I always am Bea: Good Buster: Rio thinks Chlo might tell Nance before I can Buster: What happens then? Bea: Hm Bea: I hadn't thought of that Bea: Do you think she's likely? If you don't do anything to provoke her in the meantime Buster: I think she'll wanna keep me on side Buster: She cares what everyone thinks, like the only time she was real was when I mentioned telling anyone that the kid might not be mine Buster: She's gotta know that's a step too far, right? It's not like tagging Nance in morning after pics or whatever Bea: I think you're right Bea: if she does it, she does but at the end of the day, it's going to be bad regardless and you know it so Bea: don't let her rush you into doing or saying anything, that's safest still Buster: You're not wrong either Buster: Thanks Buster: And thanks for not losing it at me Bea: What's the point? Bea: It's done now, you have to deal with it and so do I Buster: But it's my fault, I did it so you can be angry if you want Bea: No Bea: What's it going to achieve? Bea: I'm hardly thrilled but Buster: It made me feel better, for a second Bea: Well, I hope it's worth it when refurnishing your room is coming out of your account Buster: 'Cause shopping is such a punishment Bea: What do you want, grounding? Bea: You're not a child anymore, Buster Buster: Obviously not, can't be if I'm gonna have one myself Bea: Well, debateable but pretty much Buster: Well, if I'm gonna do a decent job of it, like Bea: Don't get carried away yet Bea: Focus on getting your head on straight Buster: Calm down, mum I'm not gonna rush out to meet Chlo and baby shop Bea: I mean it Bea: That'll fuck you up Buster: Like I'm not fucked up already Buster: But I hear you, okay Bea: You're fine Buster: You have seen my room, yeah? Bea: I meant on the whole Bea: and you'll be fine Bea: I assume wherever you are now you aren't smashing it to pieces so Buster: I'm not trying to get banned from every pub in the area Buster: Especially if you're letting me stay here Bea: That's what I thought Buster: Send dad over if he really wants that chat Bea: I'll take you up on that Buster: Keep it public so he can't fight me Bea: Behave Buster: Tell that to him Bea: He'll be fine Bea: Strict instructions Buster: Yeah? Bea: I don't need more broken furniture in my life thank you Buster: Do you need me to come back and clean up, for real? Bea: It'll be waiting for you whenever you get back, I'm not touching it Bea: We've cordoned the area off so Nance's bloody baby doesn't get any glass in its paws, heaven forbid Buster: 😂 Bea: Do we need to send Rio a sympathy fruit basket or? Buster: I mean, who's gonna say no to such a tempting offer Bea: You weren't awful were you Bea: Poor girl Buster: No more than usual Buster: She can handle it Bea: Yes but it's not her job to handle it, not that I blame Nance Buster: I told her to go but she wouldn't Bea: She's not afraid of you Bea: Good on her Bea: I'll give her a bottle with her fruit basket Buster: Like anyone in this fam is Buster: Even Nance lasted well considering Buster: She got the worst of it Bea: Yeah Bea: Well she's made of tough stuff Buster: Which one of them are we talking about now? Bea: Both, I'm sure Buster: Yeah Bea: Where are you? Dad's now heading off Buster: [sends location because I'm lazy and can't think of one] Bea: Well, we're back to London tomorrow Bea: so, I'll see you when you're back? Buster: I'll do my best not to trash my room there too when I am Buster: And I'll keep you posted on the Chlo situation Bea: If you could, would be greatly appreciated Bea: Of course, let us know if you need anything Buster: Yeah, I will Buster: I know I've already said it, but thanks Bea: No problem, kid

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