Fandom: The Song of Achilles
Pairing: Achilles/Patroclus
Chapter 12: Still Waters of High-Flying Birds is up! This the second of the chapters that follow Achilles during his time in Skyros. Some light angst and pining, and Achilles getting to know Deidameia and the other girls a little bit better.
Read here or on AO3 | Read from the beginning
The unwrought wool was coarse and rough as Achilles rubbed it between forefinger and thumb. Deidameia had shown him how to spin it, thread it, coil it in loose skeins. He had been at this all morning, and now they were amassing in neat rows by his side.
Pagona, one of the maidens, was sitting beside him, working on her embroidery. She liked to sing as she worked, and sometimes the other girls joined her, but the hall was mostly quiet now. It was a lazy afternoon, and most of the girls had gone to rest, while Deidameia and her closest companions had stayed in the dancers’ hall.
The princess had swiftly taken a liking to him, keeping him close by her side wherever she went. Why that was, he could not tell, but he had soon found out that being on her good side was preferable. She was a noisy, demanding thing; her temper tantrums were known and feared the palace over, and not a few girls had received the sharp edge of her tongue in the short while Achilles had been there. Yet, with those in her favour, she was witty and affectionate, and surprisingly generous with her gifts and praise. Of Achilles she was particularly fond; she would often sit beside him and watch him work, or ask to braid his hair, or listen with avid interest when he played the lyre. Achilles quite liked her, actually, most of the time.
Achilles lifted his eyes from his work to gaze outside the lone window of the hall. The sun was hanging in the middle of the sky now, golden rays that made the sand and the sea far below glow iridescent in the light. If he listened carefully, he could hear the waves that rolled rhythmically against the shore, the wind that stirred the branches of the short pine trees close to the beach. Sea birds were flying high, gliding smoothly over water and land alike.
He sighed, the balls of wool forgotten in his lap. He longed to leave the stuffy room, to run down to the beach and dive under the waves. He wanted to stretch his muscles, to race and swim, to practice his spears. No matter how many hours he danced with the maidens, his limbs still felt heavy and stiff, and however long he spent spinning wool and plaiting flowers in garlands and wreaths his mind would just keep drifting from his tasks. Back in Phthia, he could walk to any corner of the palace and the lands beyond completely undisturbed. Here, in this windowless place, where guards stood at every entrance, he could only gaze outside the window, and dream. Almost he wished for another celebration or banquet, just so he could escape this confinement and walk out into the world.
How very dull, a woman’s life was.
“What is the matter, Pyrrha?” Pagona asked him, stirring him out of his thoughts. She had left her embroidery aside, and was now peering at him with tilted hazel eyes. She was from the north, from the mountains west of Vergina, and her accent was thick, her vowels flat and drawn out. “You are very quiet today.”
“I am well,” he told her with his woman’s voice. He suppressed another sigh as he tore his gaze away from the window and went back to spinning his wool.
Pagona watched him as he worked. “You often get this look in your eyes,” she said softly.
“What look?”
“One moment we’re all dancing and laughing, and then you’ll look away and sigh. As if the weight of the world is on your shoulders.”
“I do?”
“Yes,” she smiled. “It’s almost as if you’re in love. Are you?” Her eyes flashed with interest as she moved closer to him, lowering her voice so the other girls wouldn’t hear. “Did you have a... suitor, back in Phthia?”
Achilles frowned. “A suitor?”
“Yes. Or a special friend, if you will.”
Achilles swallowed thickly as Patroclus’ countenance flashed before his eyes. It had almost been two weeks since Achilles had seen him last. At times, he could feel his absence as sharply as an open wound; others it was a dull and ghost-like throb, like a missing limb. The ache was always there, even when he slept, even when he was busy with work or deep in thought. It still seemed impossible to him, right then, that they had spent so long apart. He felt dazed, as if the past several days, ever since he’d woken up on Skyros’ beach, were nothing but a dream. As if his eyes were closed, and when he opened them again he would see Patroclus there, smiling at him.
His throat constricted painfully. He pressed his lips together tightly and looked away.
“There it is again.” There was sympathy in Pagona’s features when she said, “You must really love him.”
“Who?”
Deidameia’s silvery voice pierced the relative quiet of the room. She had been practicing her dancing while one of the girls, Phrasikleia, was playing the flute for her. The music stopped abruptly as both girls stood still now, staring at them.
A mischievous smile widened Deidameia’s lips as she abandoned her dancing form and hopped to his side. “Well? Who is it?”
“Who’s who?”
“Oh, now you’re acting coy! I just heard you say you have a lover ,” she said in a lowered voice, her eyes flashing with enthusiasm. She folded her arms atop his shoulder and batted her eyelashes at him, waiting expectantly for his answer.
“Pagona said that, not I,” Achilles corrected her matter-of-factly, but Deidameia would have none of it.
“I know what I heard. And you, my dear Pyrrha, are blushing. So.” She brought her face even closer to his, until he could smell the faint scent of cloves on her breath when she spoke. “Who is this mysterious friend of yours? I want to know everything about him. Every little thing.”
“I…” Achilles started slowly, but Phrasikleia, who had also drifted closer, spoke up before he could.
“I bet he’s tall like a fir tree and strong like an ox,” she grinned, sitting on a plush cushion on the floor before him, her tight dark ringlets bouncing as she moved. “I bet he has a mighty beard like Ares, and a hairy chest like Heracles, and eats a whole roast pig everyday, all by himself. I bet he tosses you over his shoulder and carries you off to his hall whenever he pleases!”
“Oh, no, I don’t think he’s like that at all,” Pagona said with a chuckle, while Achilles stared at Phrasikleia in utter horror. “I think he’s fair like Phoebus Apollo, with delicate hands and a beautiful smile. I bet he’s very gentle and kind, to have won our sweet Pyrrha’s heart.”
“Nonsense!” Deidameia cut them both off with a dismissive wave. “Neither of you know what you’re talking about. I think Pyrrha has taken a satyr for a lover, short and stubby and ugly like a toad. That’s why she does not tell us of him.”
“What?” Achilles gaped at her. “He is not like that at all!”
She grinned wickedly, holding her tongue behind her teeth. “Ha! So there really is someone,” she said triumphantly. “I knew it!”
Achilles opened his mouth to speak, then closed it once more. The girls were all looking at him with gleeful smiles and bright eyes. Deidameia had laid out her trap, and he had walked right into it. He let out a soft sigh.
“Alright. There is someone,” he finally admitted. The girls leaned closer still, so they wouldn’t miss a word.
“Well?” Deidameia asked. “What does he look like?”
Achilles licked his lips and took a breath. “He… he is not too tall. Same height as me… perhaps a little shorter. His hair is dark, thick with curls. It quite never stays where it’s supposed to. And it’s always so tangled when he wakes, falling over his eyes, standing up in peaks… he tosses and turns in his sleep. I always tease him about it.”
Phrasikleia tilted her head to the side. “He is handsome, then?”
“He is.” He smiled sadly, “He doesn’t believe me when I tell him. He thinks himself quite plain. Yet he is anything but. He is unlike anyone I’ve ever seen.”
His lips quirked in a fond smile, just as his throat tightened once more. He hadn’t spoken about Patroclus to anyone for so long, and now he could do nothing to stop the words that tumbled out of him in waves. It was as if by speaking of him, he could summon his image in his mind, crystal clear. He could almost see his curls bouncing as he ran ahead of him, ducking under the low hanging branches of the maple trees in Pelion, the warm chestnut highlights in his hair catching the light of the early morning sun. His smile, now bright, then soft, then slipping sideways in that way Achilles knew so well. His eyes, watching him with warmth and adoration, with that tenderness that was reserved just for him. It made his heart ache with longing.
“Is he kind?” Pagona asked softly, urging him on. “Is he gentle with you?”
Achilles started to speak, but it was then that he realised that his eyes were stinging with tears. Gods, how he’d missed him. He hadn’t even realised how devastatingly hollow his days had been without him, until Achilles had found himself talking about him. It was too much to bear.
He swallowed thickly and nodded, looking away. He was sure that even if he tried to speak, he wouldn’t have been able to get the words out.
“Oh, dear. Please don’t start weeping, it would be quite the sight,” Deidameia said, but her tone wasn’t quite as abrasive as it usually was. She sighed as she leaned against him, stroking his hair. “I bet you’re pretty even when you cry, anyway.”
The other girls were quiet now, and Achilles could sense the sympathy in their silence. Pagona took his hand in hers, and her large, round eyes were filled with earnest compassion. “You’ll see him again one day,” she said in her soothing voice. “I know you will.”
“Yes, she probably will,” Phrasikleia said, gathering her legs up to her chest and perching her chin on her knees, “but her parents probably don’t want her to marry him. Why else would they send her here?”
Deidameia perked up, her lips widening in that mischievous smile of hers. “Then she’ll have to elope with him! Won’t you, Pyrrha?”
“Oh, stop it, Deidameia,” Pagona laughed. “She won’t elope with anyone. That will only bring shame upon her family.”
“There’s more shame in leaving the poor fellow pining after her! What if she leaves him for good, and he dies of a broken heart?” The princess swooned theatrically, falling into Achilles’ lap. “You couldn’t do that to him, could you, Pyrrha? It would be positively cruel.”
Achilles held her securely before she toppled on the marble floor at his feet. The other girls were chuckling with Deidameia’s antics, but he was as serious as ever. “I will never leave him,” he said solemnly, looking into Deidameia’s dark brown eyes. “I’ve given him my word. This is only temporary. Soon, we will be together again.”
She blinked up at him, taken aback by his earnestness. Her surprise lasted only for a moment before it melted away into a cunning smile. She reached up, tugging a lock of hair free from his scarf, as she often did, and curling it around her finger. “Our beautiful Pyrrha is quite the romantic, it seems,” she said softly, and in her eyes Achilles could see a flicker of understanding before it disappeared under the guise of a jest once more. “Who would have thought, hm?”
~
The moon was hanging high over the Aegean sea, casting its silver glow on its dark, glassy waters. It had been a long day and Achilles wanted nothing more but to retreat to his room, in his solitude, and finally take that dress off him and let his hair fall free around his shoulders. When his candle was out, and if he tried hard enough, he could almost forget that he was in a dark, windowless room. He could almost pretend that Patroclus was there, talking in hushed whispers with him until they both fell asleep.
He let out a soft sigh, untying the scarf from his hair, when the door of his room swung open. He spun around in surprise, more so because he hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps. Either his senses had grown dull, or…
His mother stood at the doorway, tall and imposing, her dark eyes flecked with gold glowing in the half dark. She was one of the few people whose footsteps he couldn’t hear, unless she wanted him to. Her presence now filled the room, absorbing the feeble, trembling glow of the candle. Behind her stood Deidameia. She was quiet and reserved, like a mouse, nothing like her usual talkative self. Achilles didn’t bother to hide the surprise and confusion that must have been plain on his features.
“Mother,” he said in his girl’s voice.
“Achilles.” His mother’s gaze was intent, piercing him to the bone. “Son of my womb. Blood of my blood.”
Achilles’ breath caught. He stood perfectly still, not moving a single muscle. He glanced instinctively at Deidameia, whose eyes had gone wide as saucers, her face as pale as the moon. Her gaze flicked from his mother to him and back, but Thetis didn’t deign to spare her a single glance as she spoke on.
“This,” she told the girl, her words sharp and steady like a freshly whetted blade, “is the prince Achilles. You are to tell no one that it is him. Do you understand?”
Deidameia’s expression was one of shock and confusion. She simply stared, dumb and stricken, until Thetis turned her head slowly to look at her.
“Answer, girl.”
The princess sucked in a breath and nodded quickly. “I- Yes. I do. My lady.”
“You are to be married to him. He is to be your husband.”
“What?” Achilles stepped forward. Surely, he must have misheard. “Mother, what is the meaning of this?”
Thetis’ features were hard when she turned to him. She let the silence stretch between them before she said, “You and Deidameia are to be married. Tonight.”
Each word was like a stone, pelting him mercilessly. “Married?” he breathed. For a brief moment the world spun around him, closing in on him. “You can’t mean it.”
“I do.”
“But—” He started, then stopped. His mother’s expression hadn’t shifted, nor had it softened. She truly meant what she was saying. Every single word.
His temper rose like riptide, rushing past his numbing disbelief. He straightened his spine, meeting his mother’s gaze levelly. “I will not do it,” he said, voice steady and firm. “This goes too far.”
“You must.”
“No.” His hands were balled into fists at his sides, his jaw clenched. Deidameia was staring at him now, the flickering light of the candle reflecting in her eyes. Whatever she saw in his face had her taking a step back, cowering in the shadows that clung to the corner of the room. No matter. She didn’t matter, no one did. There was a flame inside him, one that turned hotter and wilder with every second that passed. His mother could not do this to him. He would not let her.
“I am not marrying this woman,” he told her, tilting his chin up in defiance. “I am not marrying any woman. I already have a husband, and he is waiting for me in Phthia.”
Thetis’ eyes widened in what Achilles could only understand as genuine shock, and her nostrils flared. “No.”
“Patroclus is my husband,” he insisted, taking a step forward, “and I wish to go back to him, right now. You cannot keep me here any longer.”
In a blink of an eye, Thetis was standing before him, blocking his path. She was light and nimble despite her height, faster than he was. Achilles craned his neck to look up at her, but the blaze in her eyes did not stir any fear within him. “Mother, this is enough. Take me back.”
“If you go back to Phthia, you will both go to war. He might get injured, you might lose him, you might lose yourself.”
“Better to go to war with him, than stay in this place without him,” he spat, unable to keep his temper in check any longer. Anger was roiling within him, hot like molten steel, eating away the last of his control. Better far that they should go to war. It would be dangerous, but Achilles would keep Patroclus safe, no matter what it took, and they would be together. He and Patroclus were sworn to each other. He could not break that sacred bond. He would not. If going to war was what it took, spilling his blood and others’, then he would do it without hesitation.
For several long moments they simply glared at each other, neither saying a word. His mother's countenance was cold and expressionless, not a ripple disturbing the still waters. Deidameia was quiet as a shadow by the door, watching the entire scene with hungry, morbid curiosity.
Thetis let the silence linger between them. When she spoke again, her voice was low and controlled, but he thought he could hear a tone of regret in it. “I cannot let you go to this war, Achilles. You have to stay here, whether you like it or not. Marry Deidameia,” she said, speaking each word slowly and deliberately, “and I will tell Patroclus where you are. He will come here, and you will stay in Skyros until the war passes. You will be safe, both of you. But if you don’t…” She paused meaningfully.
“If I don’t?”
“He will never hear of you again. I’ll make sure of it.”
No.
The raging fires of his anger stilled, went silent. There was not a sound to be heard, no wind blowing outside the walls, no voice. The flame of the candle had ceased its endless flickering, as if it, too, was holding its breath. The world was caught in a stand still; a frozen, empty wasteland it seemed to him right then. A world where Patroclus was not there for him. For a moment, a brief, fleeting moment, he tried to picture his life without him: never touching him, never holding him, never gazing upon his face again. Never waking up next to him again, never hearing the sound of laugh again, never breathing the same air, ever again. A long life, steeped in misery without him.
His shoulders sagged, the breath he had been holding leaving him, the fight bleeding out of him. His mother knew him well enough to know that this was all the agreement she would get from him. She took Deidameia by the hand, somewhat forcefully, as if she was afraid he would change his mind, and bid her stand beside him. She placed Deidameia’s hand upon Achilles’ upturned palm. The words she spoke to bind them were not hurried, but spoken with low and quiet determination into the half dark of his chamber.
Deidameia glanced at him, and in her eyes he could see numbness and shock that must have mirrored his own. When his mother let their hands fall, it felt like he had just jumped off a high cliff, only to crash against the sharp stones far below.
And so was Achilles married to Deidameia.
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