#Places of My Infancy

[figofswords]

thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)

[nonuggetshere]

Oh I can't wait to refine and finally post the designs for PK's siblings in my AU, it really looks like their mother ran out of ink while making them

[witherby]

The Littlest Wayne

Or, the one where Bruce brings home a baby, and your adorable little face wins the heart of your new, big brothers.

Platonic!Reader and Batfam

"Bruce."

"Don't freak out."

"Bruce."

"You're freaking out. I can see it in your eyes, but don't do it."

"This is a problem. This is an actual addiction and you need help."

"You're overreacting. I need everyone to take a deep breath, in and out, and not freak out."

Dick crossed his arms and glared at his father, narrowed eyes shifting up and down in an extremely pointed manner. Tim and Jason were wearing similar expressions, looking either at Bruce himself or the bundle in his arms.

Damian walked across the room and peered down at the bundle, expressionless.

"Father, come on."

Bruce carefully brushed the edge of the blanket away from your face. You scrunched your tiny nose, disturbed, then settled back down without issue. The billionaire had found you abandoned outside the garage doors of the Gotham Fire Station, left there by some overwhelmed mother no doubt. Unfortunately, that particular station was closed on the weekends, because of course this damned city couldn't staff a fire station 24/7, and if he hadn't found you on patrol, you would have frozen to death on the ground.

"They were in danger!" Bruce insisted firmly, but kept his voice soft so as not to frighten you. "Look — they don't have black hair or blue eyes. You can tell I didn't do it on purpose."

"Why not take the baby to the GCPD, then? Or a hospital?" Jason piped up, unamused. "B, cut the bullshit. You can't keep 'em."

"I brought them here first to ensure they didn't need any immediate medical attention."

"Which is something a hospital could do," Tim said.

"An overcrowded and understaffed hospital, that doesn't have the time to spare to give them direct and undivided attention?" Bruce argued. "The med ward in the Cave is just as efficient as an emergency room, if not more so."

"And the fact that you aren't down there with the baby — the baby you are not keeping," Dick chimed in, holding out his arms for you, "means that they're perfectly fine and can be transported safely somewhere else."

"They're sleeping right now," Bruce said, completely deadpan, and made no move to relinquish his hold over you. "We can't put them in a noisy car and upset them. We can drop the baby off in the morning."

"He's getting dangerously attached," Dick hissed to his brothers. "We need the big guns."

"I'll alert Pennyworth," Damian declared, already ducking out of the room. Bruce scowled, aware the battle was quickly turning against his favor. But he could play dirty, too.

He dropped his shoulders and the furrow of his brow turned slightly down, weary and forlorn. He stopped looking at his boys and instead studied all your tiny features, tracing a finger down the bridge of your nose, gently across your lashes, and over your plump little cheeks. You were absolutely adorable. He was already thinking of names for you in his mind.

"You know, I never got to raise any of you from infancy," he stated, not in any pointed manner, just as objective fact. Just quietly enough that they could think Bruce hadn't meant to say it out loud. "Not that I would've wanted to steal that experience from your birth parents. I would never. But...I don't even know what Damian looked like when he was this small."

Dick's eye twitched. The glare was still in place, but his frown was less severe. One down.

"I'm sorry, boys," he sighed, acting as though he were giving in. "The Mission has taken up so much of my time, it's hard not to wonder what I would have been like as a normal father. Just the formative things, like... like changing diapers, and doing Tummy Time, and helping you guys learn to walk."

Tim's eyes grew distant, likely thinking of his own parents and the loneliness he felt growing up in Drake Manor all by himself. He was no doubt recalling how much he wished his mom or dad had been around, to play or to talk to or just to physically be there with him, instead of off traveling the world and leaving him behind to fend for himself.

Two down.

But Jason, despite all that had happened over the years, despite the strain on his relationship with Bruce, had always been the most emotional of his children. He would not be hard to win over.

"This would be a mistake," Bruce stated, looking his second oldest right in the eyes. "They'd be happier somewhere else, somewhere normal. Maybe...maybe one of you could hold them and I can go start the car? I can feel myself starting to get attached, and that's not fair to you, boys. I didn't mean to stress you all out. I wasn't thinking."

Jason huffed, lowering his feet from where they'd been propped up on the coffee table, and stood from the couch to come take you from Bruce. His arms carefully held you to his broad chest, your weight settling against him pleasantly.

He made the mistake of watching you scrunch your face and whine softly, itty bitty hands poking out from your blanket and gripping onto his shirt sleeve with all the strength your small body could muster.

Jason's expression dropped immediately, and he practically melted as he tucked you closer.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Damian and Alfred walked into the living room to find Bruce, Jason, Dick, and Tim all cooing and fawning over you, and the war was lost.

Welcome home, Littlest Wayne.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’ve been fired exactly once in my life. In my early twenties I was working at a pizza place. The pizzas were artisanal, thin crust and personal. They’re a huge chain now but when I first started the company was in its infancy. It was the wild west of management, and the core investors would frequently stop by to check on things. One of these people was this round little man with rage issues. A knock off Danny Devito with no charisma at all.

His favorite thing to do was to come in on a Friday or Saturday night. We'd be at our stations: taking orders, making pizza, manning the oven, finishing orders off, running the cash register. He'd shove his way onto the line and start rearranging people. "You, get off orders and work the cash register, you come over and make the pizzas!" With a line of customers snaking out the door he'd throw off all our grooves and rattle us.

Then, inevitably, a mistake would happen.

When it did he'd call the person over and say, "Hey c'mere. You're fired." Just like that. No inflection, just a flat "You're fired." It was absolutely a power kink, and because of his involvement the average turn over was three months. You were a veteran at five months.

One night there was only three of us manning the front. I took an order than went to the cash register to ring them out before I made the pizza. This horrible man watched that then called me into the back. I didn't know if I was about to be fired. But I wasn't. In fact, he had one other move besides firing people. He yelled.

In the back he absolutely lost his mind screaming at me for being on the cash register. I'm talking veins popping, spit flying, red with rage, this man just started bellowing nonsensically about where I should be and how I was just such a failure. It was truly like his brain had shut off, nothing he was saying even made sense. I stood there in the face of this tirade for a minute and then set a record for being the first person to ever cut him short by bursting into tears.

He instantly stopped yelling and it was like Jekyll and Hyde. He was remorseful and consoling, deeply embarrassed by my display of emotion. All my male coworkers just took the abuse but faced with my weeping he about faced and instantly backed off. I went outside to cry and when I came back in he pretended it had never happened.

That was the state of things. The investors knew they desperately needed to keep this man out of the stores, but they couldn't just give him the boot. They needed to move him aside and fill his position with someone. The store manager was this lovely woman who had hired me on the spot at my interview. The entire staff adored her. She was the best fit to get this roided out investor out of the stores for good.

Her replacement was this man called Anthony. He was instantly loathed by the entire staff. Condescending, critical, and lazy he started off his reign by letting go a core lead who "back talked." He spent a whole morning berating the opening crew because the closing crew (who had sold 100 more pizzas than we were even supposed to have on hand) had forgotten to windex the doors. He left the entire crew to close without him while he flirted with a girl who wasn't his pregnant girlfriend. He hired his roommate to replace the lead he fired and even that guy hated his guts.

Our antipathy toward him made him paranoid and resentful and one by one he started finding excuses to fire the whole staff, certain that if he could clean house he'd be able to do the job. My time came, and he sat me down with his boss, my former manager. She cried as he announced I wasn't personable enough and used too many pepperonis.

I looked at her, the woman who had trained me on how many pepperoni to use, but she said nothing. What could she say? He was the boss now and had determined I was going to be let go regardless. Too many in this case was seven. Seven pepperonis on a personal pizza. The correct number was five according to him, which is one pepperoni per slice, and one in the middle.

I sat there for a moment, taking it in. I smiled at my old manager, obviously miserable. I looked back at him and said, "You're a terrible manager, you're doing the worst imaginable job." I outlined some of the things he'd done so she could hear them, then I stood up and left. I made it to the back room before I started crying.

I found out later through a bus boy that he replaced the whole staff with college kids who had such limited availability that the store couldn't run, then quit three months later leaving the whole place in shambles. Most of the old staff returned, but I'd moved onto the sex shop already and was enjoying a job with significantly less risk of being fired on a whim.

However I do have to disclose on job applications if I've ever been fired. I always says yes and list the reason as, "Excessive use of pepperoni." It has never failed to get a laugh from my interviewer.

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

A couple of things that I love and admire about Sylus ♡♡♡

(This got long so decided to add a cut dhdjfj there is just too much to appreciate when it comes to this man ^^;)

For earlier parts in this "series": go here and here

How mentally and emotionally strong he is. His past never broke him or managed to twist or warp his soul. Which considering his background is incredibly impressive. This is a man that suffered severe trauma pretty much from infancy and onward for thousands of years. He is heavily implied to have been abandoned as a child due to being "weak". He self harmed at an early age. He witnessed the total slaughter of the only kin he'd known. He was nearly murdered himself for no other crime than looking different. He was tossed into the abyss to rot for over a millennia, stuck in place with a greatsword lodged through his chest. All of this happened while he was still a juvenile. He most likely hadn't experienced a single day of real happiness or care in his life up until meeting his sorceress. But even before they get properly close, he shows her kindness and compassion despite never having known any himself. We learn that he has never eaten a human soul, nor harmed anyone that didn't deserve it. When he dies, his soul is revealed to smell like flowers. He never lost his innate goodness. In the present, he also shows that same remarkable inner strength and stability, now even more noticeable with added age and further maturity.

How well he takes care of his people. All evidence points to him being an amazing boss and leader. It's especially touching to see how much the twins admire and appreciate him.

The effect he has on those that come under his wings. They all seem to flourish and come out stronger than they were before.

His aura. His scenes in LAR and his entire anecdote gives me chills to this day.

His perfect jawline. It's immaculate.

His honesty. He never lies to MC. Not even once. He doesn't ever whitewash himself and is upfront about his desires and his greed. Similarly, from what we've seen, he honors the deals he makes with anyone seeking his protection (No Way Out, Elysium).

His straightforwardness. On a personal level, as a ND individual, I appreciate this quality in others immensely since reading subtler signals more often than not isn't my forte and tends to stress me out trying to figure out what they are trying to convey to me. So it brings me comfort to see Sylus be straightforward with his feelings for MC. He may not always be direct with his words – both he and MC like to talk in riddles at times – but his actions and his demeanor always are.

His quick thinking and savvy.

Just his sharp intelligence in general. He is always eight or ten steps ahead of his opponents.

His sheer unwavering confidence and charisma. Both enough to fill the mariana trench.

How he is incredibly emotionally mature. He is calm, composed, never abuses the power he has, never lashes out, never loses control of himself. He isn't bitter, doesn't dwell on the past. He isn't brooding or hateful. And when MC tells him he sucks at something (giving a massage in the specific instance I'm thinking of) instead of getting annoyed or taking it personally, he asks her to teach him how to do it. When she says that he is pestering her, he accepts it and gives her the space she says she wants without arguing even a little. We have never once seen him fight with MC over anything. Nor can I even picture a scenaro where they would, try as I might. They're just too chill/emotionally intelligent to get heated or argumentative.

Overall his emotional strength and maturity shows itself best with MC. He definitely made major mistakes in his treatment of her at the start of LAR out of desperation and a misguided belief that the end justifies the means, but the moment he realizes that he has gone too far and that he needs to stop trying to force their past onto her, he stops. Nor does he ever try to manipulate or hold their soulbond over her head (he never even mentions it to her). Instead, he puts his all into building a relationship with the present her from scratch, on her terms, at her pace. He falls in love with and cherishes the present her, just as much as the past her. That is not to say though that all emotional scars have healed. Of course not. Whenever MC unknowingly makes those oddly specific references tied to the shared past she doesn't remember, it's bound to hurt him. But he handles it amazingly, staying composed. And he still aches for her to remember – but I suspect in large part for her sake rather than his. He wants her to know herself entirely, every single part. She deserves to know her history. But crucially, he never pushes the issue. All he does is make gentle references in the hopes that she might remember. But that's all. At the end of the day, on a personal level, if MC never recalls anything, then he'd be fine with that. He is overjoyed just to be a part of her life again, to hold her in his arms.

And imo the probably biggest instance of his maturity and strength? Being willing to let her go, if that is what she desires. Remember that MC represents everything good, beautiful, and joyous in his life. She is the best thing that happened to him. The one person to love, accept, and want him unconditionally. The sole individual to truly see the real him (the only one that dared or cared enough to try). After his resurrection he has yearned and searched the galaxies for her for an unknown but more than likely vast amount of years. And yet... he is willing to let go, for her sake. Even though it would destroy him on the inside. Because she is so much more important than his own desires.

Following on with the maturity theme, I admire the way he approaches losing. He isn't a sore loser but bears it with ease of mind, which isn't always the case with people like Sylus who are used to coming out on top. But to him, whether he wins at a competition or not doesn't affect his confidence or self worth, and he can readily acknowledge when he's been fairly beaten by an opponent. The only time he truly cares about winning is if MC wants him to. And then he'll make sure to win no matter what.

Another thing I admire is how he is so willing to adapt and adjust for MC and the love he bears her. For instance, Sylus is not by nature or temeprament a patient man. He wants to get things done and wants them done fast. A good example of this is in the most recent event, where he does not have the patience to let flowers grow naturally and so tries to force the process. However, when it comes to MC? He is willing to wait infinite lifetimes. He always walks at her pace when it comes to their relationship, and never pressures her. He gives her as much time as she needs to figure her feelings out. He is an impatient man willing and ready to be endlessly patient for his beloved

For all that he is down bad for MC, Sylus isn't a doormat nor spineless in regards to her. He won't just mindlessly agree and go along with whatever she wants but has a strong will, agenda, and boundaries of his own. He teases and bullies MC (affectionately), gives as good as he gets from her, and doesn't hesitate to call her out and/or fluster her for his own amusement. Leading to the banter we all know and love.

His ability to truly self reflect and grow. I am referencing what happens in and after LAR 1-8, where he disappears for a while after having gotten hit by a harsh but necessary reality check. My belief is that he went away initially to cry, but that he also did some major self reflecting. Afterwards, his behavior toward MC changes quite dramatically. He realized that he fucked up, and is determined to do and be better for her. And he never falters. We stan a person that recognizes they fucked up and learns from it. His character development and growth in general mean a lot to me.

How incredibly skilled he is at driving those mototcycles of his. No wonder MC feels safe riding with him no matter how fast they go or how dangerous the terrain.

That his crimes never affect innocents. Sylus has always made it a point only to harm or kill those who truly deserve it.

Despite how he claims never to have comforted anyone before, he is touchingly good at it. He is incredibly emotionally intelligent and attentive. He is always so quick to pick up on how MC is feeling, and he also knows when it's best to give advice, when it's best to act (ie send her something to comfort her, take her on a joyride etc), or when it's best to simply listen and be there for her. Most of the time he is incredibly in tune with her feelings and her needs.

And he can be so achingly tender when he comforts her. A great example of this is in Where Hearts Live, when at one point MC feels embarrassed and insecure about verbalizing how she feels. He is so patient and gentle, holding her close in his lap and rocking her, softly reassuring her that she can talk to him, that he wants to hear what she has to say. And there are other examples of his kindness, such as with animals and plants. A huge reason why this is so admirable to me is that Sylus is a man that has lived a rough life, and with few exceptions seen and dealt with the worst humanity has to offer. He has had precious few opportunities to witness or experience goodness or tenderness from others. And yet he has no trouble being either to those he cares for. It comes so naturally from him. Again, further proof that he has always at his core been compassionate and kind, and that those qualities have withstood throughout all the hardship and violence.

Lastly, I (naturally) greatly admire his hands. They are mesmerizing. Large and rough, yet elegant and beautiful. I can stare at them for hours and never get tired.

Ok I lied I also need to add his veins. Both on his hands and on his bulging arms.

[teethfairyyy]

Corazon is a man of contradictions.

He’s a celestial dragon. He’s worked to earn almost everything in his life (Sengoku isn’t on that nepo baby shit).

He’s outgoing and loud. He possesses the power to mute himself and struggles with standing up for himself (at least as a child and with the family).

He is brightness incarnate and is the silliest goose to walk the land. He’s terribly haunted by his past and carries it like a dark cloud over his shoulders.

He has seen death after death after death since infancy to his OWN death. He values life and places an emphasis on continuing to live despite these deaths.

He’s a highly intelligent and cunning spy who survived for years in a (metaphorical) vipers nest. He NEVER beats the ‘dumb blonde’ allegations. (Both in canon and in fandom).

He’s an incredibly kind and caring man who values others above himself in almost any situation. He has burnt down countless hospitals (patents still inside).

He blends into the crowd as a profession, and prefers to hide his presence. He is nearly 10 feet tall and dressed like a former member of Buggy’s crew.

He is a model Marine who has flawlessly performed his duties as a commander for years. He abandons his mission and betrays the Marines the SECOND a sick kid with an attitude problem reveals his name.

He can undergo and withstand truly Herculean amounts of pain without so much as flinching. If he were to receive so much as a paper towel with ‘you only sort of suck’ written on it in crayon (curtesy of Law ofc) he would spend the next five hours happy crying.

This crusty ass man probably bathes twice a week MAX. Somehow his lipstick game is unbeatable?

He’s the primary role model and (semi) parental figure of Law’s late adolescence. He was 27!!! He should have been at the club!!! Law’s the same age now and I’m never getting over it:(

This got more and more headcanon-ey as I kept writing, but I had fun and Cora lives in my head so I figured I might as well still post it.

Reminder that Cora is BOTH a buff, terrifying, dangerous man, AND a silly, clumsy, lighthearted loser<3

[vampsol]

A TEAR IN SPACE | 최한솔

⟢ PAIRING: hansol vernon chwe x fem!reader ⟢ WORD COUNT: 5.9K ⟢ GENRE: comedy, fluff, smut ⟢ TAGS: tattooartist!vernon, spit play, semi-dom!vernon, degradation kink, pet names (princess, etc), oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, backshots, creampie ⟢ SYNOPSIS: Your first tattoo shouldn't be left in the hands of a stranger. But what scares you the most about the entire experience may just be how hard you're already falling for the tattoo artist. ⟢ AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally posting the damn birthday fic I planned weeks ago. Better late than never! Beta'ed by my usual sweethearts, @lovetaroandtaemin @gyubakeries, and to all of the friends who read it early and hyped me up, I love you so much. Also song title inspiration from a song by Glass Animals!

If your family and friends had known you were going in with no game plan for your upcoming tattoo, including what you wanted or where you would put it, they would have a heart attack. The only thing you’re certain of is the parlor itself, the place having tons of room for walk-ins since it opened barely a month ago. Despite its infancy, though, the business was getting rave reviews.

Better yet, it was only a ten-minute walk from your apartment. It had to be a sign to get one of your own, now or never.

Your heart rests in your mouth when you push the door of the business open, the blue neon sign for Cheol + Chwe Ink Company flashing in the corner of your eye. Only one customer sits in the tattoo parlor. His bottom lip is caught between his teeth as the tattoo artist repeatedly shades the same lines.

“First timer,” the artist says as he moves his hand and the ink gun from the reddened space on the guy's arm. He looks away from the canvas and to you for a moment, and your heart feels heavier with his eyes on you. His brown eyes captivate you, even as you look over the rest of his face and outfit. Shaved head, white t-shirt, and both arms covered from biceps to the backs of both of his hands in ink. “Told him not to get a dragon.”

“Fuck you, Vernon,” The guy spits, turning his head away and huffing out bated breath. His bangs fall into his eyes, and he has to use the arm not being tattooed to swipe them from his face.

“All I’m saying is, I told you to go for the roman numerals. Roman numerals are easier and faster than animals.”

You laugh to yourself and turn your head away, looking over the station around and behind Vernon’s head. Sketches litter the wall, some impressionistic, others dark shades of white and black. You recognize a couple of the art styles from your copious research on tattoos: neo-traditional, fine line, and so on. Some sketches remain unfinished; he’s tacked others, fully colored, to the wall. The guy clearly knows his stuff.

“Welcome to Cheol and Chwe! I’m the Cheol, Seungcheol that is. What can I do for ya?” The muscular guy behind the counter had to have materialized in front of you without you noticing. He’s got a warm smile that eases some of your nerves. And he has even more tattoos than Vernon, some covering his neck area.

“I was wondering if you could take a walk-in today for a free canvas.”

You see Vernon’s jaw tick and his ears perk up. It may not be an everyday occurrence for someone to come into a parlor with no expectations for what they get, especially for someone as capable as Vernon clearly is.

“Completely free? Alright, we can do that.” Seungcheol pulls out a clipboard with paperwork for you to sign. “Tattoo minimum is a hundred. That work for you?”

You nod. “Not a problem.”

You both go over the paperwork together, and by the time that you have your cash and ID out, Vernon walks over to Seungcheol with the cordless ink gun still in his hand. “Can you take over the rest of Mingyu’s tattoo? Just the shading needs to be finished.”

“What the fuck man!” Mingyu throws his free arm in the air, and Vernon smirks at him.

“Rather do the free canvas than another dragon, man. Sorry.” Vernon slides his focus back on you with a smile. “I’ll try to keep the design to the standard minimum. Unless you want something worth more than that.”

You contemplate and pull a few more bills from your wallet. “All I got is two hundred on me. Is that enough for a masterpiece?”

He chuckles and brushes his fingers against yours for the extra bills. The contact makes you shiver, but he’s cool and collected the entire time you touch. “I think I can work with that.”

With the way Vernon talked about the other guy’s first-time experience, you weren’t about to let him know you were also a first timer. Then again, you wouldn’t take the pain like a baby. You’d handle it like a pro, for sure.

“You’re in excellent hands,” Seungcheol pipes up, breaking the sudden tension in the air that still simmers between your fingertips.

The second you sit in Vernon’s chair and Vernon has a blue Sharpie in his hand, ready to freelance the design on your skin, your eyes once again shift across the space. It’s all black brick with industrial lighting, meant to give off the art as the focus. Where Seungcheol’s side is a lot cleaner, only a handful of his prints and designs on the mirror overlooking his chair, Vernon is scatterbrained. But he has to have some kind of system in place, flitting across drawers and supply boxes without issue.

You can tell he has you pegged already with his small smile and inquisitive eyes. From the way you fidget in your seat to the antsy movements of your eyes, it has to be obvious you’re a newbie to all of this. But Vernon is ever the gentleman, not pointing any of your behavior out when he asks, “Do you have any specific style in mind for the tattoo?”

You shake your head. “Free canvas, remember?”

He chuckles and takes the cap off of his marker with his teeth. “Just checking,” he remarks before the first touch of permanent marker goes over the skin of your forearm. 

Vernon creates broad strokes with the marker, his hands steady as he works with the free space. He follows those lines up with more precise details a few moments later, going in with cross-hatching and shading that looks absurd at first glance. Only he can see the greater picture of the design in his head. It may be a mixture of techniques and methods to anyone else, but ‌you trust the process the longer he continues.

Moments later, you look over the art on your forearm, stunned to see the biomechanical shapes and lines forming a pair of angel wings.

“If you hate it, we can start over.” He looks incredibly vulnerable as the words leave his lips, eyes sparkling with inspiration as he shares his stare with you and the drawing on your arm. He may say he’ll be okay with you detesting the idea, but you know better; it’s written all over him.

And you don’t detest it, not at all. It’s a beautiful design of contrast and light that isn’t too bold, yet in no way simplistic. The artwork sits so perfectly on your arm, you can only imagine how happy you’ll be with the ultimate piece.

When you tell him you love it, you know he knows you mean it, and he’s just as excited to start as you are. Sure, residual nerves relating to the pain of the entire process still linger, but with a smile as bright as Vernon’s guiding you through the fear, how can you think this is the wrong decision?

Before the ink gun’s tip can hit the first layer of skin, Vernon tries to explain the process to you, all while you keep your hard gaze on the contraption at his side. “The layer underneath the epidermis is where the ink goes, and it stays on that layer, which is what makes it permanent,” he says. “That’s why it stings so much at first, but once we go for a little while and your nerves go away, you’ll barely notice.”

“Who said I was nervous?” You quirk your eyebrow, trying to play it cool once more, but by this point, why lie? The feelings you thought were merely residual spring back up, your fear at war with your enthusiasm. You sigh as Vernon gets out a razor to shave the hairs on your forearm. Unsure of how to say what you want, no words come out while he slides the blade across your skin.

He looks up from your arm with a pout. “What happened to the girl who kept looking at her soon-to-be tattoo in the mirror? Bring her back, I miss her right now.”

You huff out a laugh, crossing your arms. “I’m still excited! I’m just nervous about how long it’s gonna hurt.” You cover your face with your hands, your cheeks turning a deeper shade than a moment before. “And now I’ve ruined my cover because you probably think I’m a big wimp like your friend over there.”

You both turn to see Mingyu biting down on his fist hard at another portion of the shading, so lost in his own misery he didn’t notice you just shit-talked him. Seungcheol keeps his thoughts to himself as he inks, but he looks like he’d rather deal with a thousand pages of paperwork than the guy in his chair.

Vernon chuckles quietly and continues preparing the cups of ink and his work station for the tattoo. “Wanna know a secret? Everyone is kinda nervous about their first tattoo, to varying degrees obviously.”

“Really?”

“Really really.” He winks and takes one of your crossed arms in his hand to lie on  the small resting place of the chair. “Think you’re a bit more comfortable now?”

You nod your head, bottom lip caught in your teeth. The gun sits a ways away in the corner of your eye, but it’s just the process. And accepting it makes it less scary.

Besides, you’re in excellent hands, as you’ve been told.

When the first puncture happens, you try not to suck in a breath or jolt as much as you can without disturbing the beginning of the process. You just take it for what it is and focus on the guy in the chair willing to create something beautiful for you and you alone to have on your body.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Vernon looks up from your sternum, his design partially completed under him. “Look at you now. Who would’ve thought we’d be here?”

“Just shut up and keep inking, Tattoo Boy. It’s a bitch to hold my chest like this.”

Vernon smirks and does as he’s told, running over another piece of empty skin with his usual cross-hatching technique. It reddens from the needle, but the feeling doesn’t phase you now. You just keep your breasts in your hands so as not to disturb Vernon working on the newest ink on your body. 

It’s your newest one. Half of a dozen tattoos already litter your body in random places, all done by the master himself. Cheol tried once to give you a small butterfly behind your ear a month ago, but Vernon was quick to shut the idea and the artwork down. “If she’s gonna get any design, it’s gonna be made by yours truly, Cheol.”

So there you were, toeing the line between becoming a full on tattoo fiend and keeping what’s left of your skin unmarred by Vernon’s ink gun.

You have told yourself countless times it’s because the final artwork is always top-notch, and no piece comes at an unreasonable price. Yet all of your friends look on with knowing eyes and judgemental expressions.

“Is it about the art, or is it the artist you really like?” One of your close friends asked over lunch two weekends ago with a glint in her expression. You couldn’t answer then. A million excuses came to mind that didn’t adequately explain what it was about overall. Your lack of a response seemed to be the only answer needed to confirm their suspicions and confuse you further.

Maybe you were lying to yourself. Maybe it truly was about the designs you loved so much. Either way, it was all the reason you needed to see the guy behind the ink gun, and you wouldn’t stop now.

Seungcheol walks in from the backroom and puts on his jacket. “Alright, man. I’m leaving for the night. Lock up for me?”

“No problem.” Vernon retracts his gun to run his wet cloth over your skin to soothe the redness. “Give Yeri my love.”

Seungcheol waves at you on his way out, and you tip your head in acknowledgement on account of your occupied hands. The bell dings above the door to signal his exit. “Who’s Yeri?” you ask.

“New girlfriend. Probably won’t last another month, but the old fart’s a lover, not a planner.”

You giggle, but the sound’s stunted once the needle presses down and into you again. “And which one are you, Chwe?”

Vernon chuckles, his breath tickling the skin just under your breast, making it harder for you to stay still. “Why don’t you tell me?” His hand holds you in place as he goes over another line. The sterile glove concealing his hand probably can’t detect how warm your skin has become, and you bite back the whimper in your throat as his thumb rubs circles into you. It’s the only thing that could make you relax the first time, the two of you came to realize. He’s committed the act of touching you in that way with every tattoo since to try easing your nerves, despite your protests that you’re not the same girl from all those months ago.

One thing that hasn’t changed is his ability to upend the feelings in your stomach like a professional. A couple of butterflies seem to knock around in there every time he says or does things no other artist would do to you and for you.

How is Vernon so calm every time you sit in his chair, composed as ever, while you’re in shambles? In all the encounters between you two, despite all of his implicit and explicit behaviors, he’s been stoic. He’s a still river amid your frenetic energy swooping in and out of the tattoo parlor.

Maybe he isn’t giving anything away because he doesn’t feel how you do. He’s not hiding anything, if that’s the case. He just isn’t interested in you, save for giving you countless tattoos that he’s hand drawn or you've requested and making a good buck out of it.

The thoughts sober you into a supine position, your voice quiet and any budding warmth chilled as he finishes the rest of his work. Vernon runs his rag over the last lines, pleased with the ultimate design. “Perfect art, perfect canvas,” he mumbles with a hint of a smile. “What more could I ask for?”

When he’s done, you try to rise from the chair and walk away, but he puts the gun to his side quickly to grab your naked waist. “Hey, what’s wrong?” His face scrunches up in confusion, his pout almost doing you in. “I gotta bandage you up, goof.”

You shake your head, trying to move back toward your shirt. “I’m going home, okay? Nothing crazy. I already have all the aftercare stuff in my—”

“Why are you running from me? Did I hurt you?”

You turn your back quickly to yank your shirt over your head without Vernon seeing your full chest, but you know he’s probably turned his head by now as well. Gentlemanly, as always. “You didn’t, not at all,” you say, partially believing the half-truth on your lips. “I just know what this is.”

“And what’s that?” His face turns serious, jaw locked and eyes trained on yours. You want to be blunt and out in the open with the thoughts on your mind. It’s too raw and real for you to expose yourself so blatantly right now, however, when you were shirtless two minutes ago. It’s much easier to be naked in one way rather than the other, unfortunately.

“Transactional,” you say. “I pay you for something, and you do it. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Is that what you think?” He tries to step closer when he catches the undercurrents of your statement, but you back away.

You don’t let him get close enough to shatter you further.

“You can send me the invoice.” He doesn’t say another word after that. Vernon lets you pack up your things and walk out of the parlor without asking you to slow down, to stay, to do anything except go. The chime of the entrance and exit bell rings through your ears as you walk home, your heart distraught and face tear-stained by the time you make it to your apartment, unsure of what to do next to mend the shattered parts of your heart.

“You were in here four days ago, kid. Maybe let the paint dry before you come in for another one?” Seungcheol asks with an air of concern that you want to smack him square in the face for. You don’t need another person in your life, close or not, complaining about your “new habit,” as they’ve called it. Is it so wrong to want to do things on your own and with your money that bring you joy, even if it’s excessive?

“Cheol, just gimme the damn butterfly, okay? It’s not rocket science.” You move past him at the counter to sit in his chair, back turned away from him and the door. “I want one piece that isn’t done by He Who Shall Not Be Named, alright?”

Seungcheol makes a sound of defense and walks over to you, his black boots stomping against the concrete floor in a way that rattles inside of your ears. “Alright, lemme print the stencil.”

You don’t want to talk, to think, to breathe the very concept of the frustrating tattoo artist you’ve grown to know over these past few months. He is not anything to you, and vice versa, as it was so clearly stated yesterday. Why are you wasting your time focusing on him so much when the relationship you’ve built has only existed in the walls of your mind?

When you turn your head to the bell above the door chiming, you expect to see anyone but him in a sleeveless tie-dyed shirt and ripped jeans. You silently curse your thoughts for conjuring him up, like a bad memory that paints the insides of your eyelids. He walks in with his Avengers backpack slung over one shoulder, the contents of it you’ve seen him take out and put back in thousands of times. Sketchbook, iPad, a case of nondescript pencils and pens for him to draw with.

Before Vernon can say a word to you, his eyes sparkling with an intention that you have yet to understand, Seungcheol walks out of the backroom with prints of the butterfly tacked to sticky paper. "Oh," Seungcheol exclaims. "Thought it was your day off."

Vernon instantly loses the hopeful expression in his eyes, the lines of his face glazing over into indifference and something else entirely that you cannot place. "I needed to clear my head. Didn't expect you to be here either." It feels like he's saying the words to you directly, the venom in them not going without notice.

"Was just doing the books when this one came in." He tips his head at you, and you blush hard.

"I mean—I can go if it's a problem," you whisper, turning your head in Seungcheol's direction but feeling the heat of Vernon's gaze on you like a wildfire, brushing across your skin without rhyme or reason.

"No." Both of the men’s responses almost overlap, but Seungcheol doesn't have the same strength in his tone that Vernon does. You feel anchored to the chair by the force of it, too scared to confront Vernon right now but too stuck to run away, trapped in every sense of the word.

Seungcheol's ringtone pierces the air, the sound high-pitched and girly to signify a specific person on the other end of the line. "It's Mina. I should take this." He sets the papers down near the chair you’re sitting in and runs outside. Hearing his new slice of the week’s voice is better than the impending argument between his coworker and his client, you think.

Only, you’re not Vernon’s, truthfully. Not in the way you want to be.

The first minute between you alone is pregnant with silence, both of you unsure where to start after leaving it on such a brutal note four days prior.

You huff out a breath before asking Vernon, "How are you?" The bags under his eyes tell you he hasn’t slept. His clothes look haphazardly put on, his belt practically flinging open from the rush he must have been in this morning. You feel guilty for being in any way involved in his flurry of negative feelings, but that saps out of you the minute you remember why you’re mad at him.

You immediately stand up and let a laugh escape, feeling idiotic for the question you just let leave your lips. "Actually, I don't want to know how you are right now. I shouldn't even be here."

"One, that hurts." He has the nerve to pout at you, his bottom lip jutting out like a little kid who dropped their ice-cream cone. "Two, I have to agree. Can’t focus when you’re around, to be honest." He moves from his spot in front of the door in case you want to run now, but you refuse to leave. Not when everything inside of you is bubbling up so perfectly for an explosion.

"Still waiting on that invoice from last night, by the way," you sneer with a close-lipped smile. You cross your arms, waiting for him to give you something besides a sarcastic comment.

"Ripping into me was enough payment, I think." Vernon sighs in between his smile and pinches the bridge of his nose. He steps closer to his workstation, and even closer to you, before letting his backpack fall onto the floor with a thud.

"Still trying to break your iPad?" you ask.

"I can buy a new one at this point. The point is that I've been a jerk.” His following gaze is vulnerable, his brown eyes remorseful. “You're right."

You roll your eyes. "Was that so hard to admit?"

"You haven't been exactly forthcoming either, princess. It's not like I'm an idiot, I see how you look at me."

You clench your fists at your sides and swallow your disappointment. "No, that role’s been reserved for me since the day we met." You're grateful the guy can be honest in this one arena at the very least, but it doesn’t make the rejection hurt any less. "So, I guess I'll see you around. Tell Cheol I'll send him a twenty or something for the wasted paper."

Before you can walk out of the parlor, Vernon clasps your forearm in his hand, his touch soft but charged with force. You can feel it in the way the pads of his fingers press into your skin, not too deep but in no way gentle. “Where are you going?” he asks in the quietest whisper you’ve ever heard.

His voice melts all the ice in your heart, pure warmth flooding your senses from the way he grazes his fingers from your forearm to your wrist and ultimately to your hand, intertwining your fingers.

“I don’t think you should touch a client like this, Tattoo Boy,” you murmur, unwilling to separate from him at this point.

“I think you know by now I don’t just see you as any other client.” He presses the hand not intertwined with yours to your cheek, thumb crazing the highest point. “I’m just sorry it took so long for me to admit it to myself. I’m not the best at…all of this.”

“Didn’t ask you to be,” you respond. “I just wanted honesty, and I appreciate it.”

He nods and steps closer, his lips barely a few inches from yours and breath fanning across your face when he asks, “What do you want now?”

“Now…” You pretend to contemplate before dragging your lips into a cheshire-like smile. “I want a lot of things from you, but I think a kiss will suffice for now.”

He obliges your request, pressing his lips to yours in a featherlight fashion. Only when both of you sink in the feeling of each other’s mouths does it go deeper, his tongue pressing against the meeting of your lips to sink into your mouth.

And sink he does, as do you. You fall deeper into him as he holds you tighter, running his fingers along your neck and down to your waist, squeezing the shirt and shorts you’re wearing to emphasize his newfound need.

“Oh, shit!”

You and Vernon separate quickly, the sound of Seungcheol’s voice reminding you that you’re still in a public place and should have some respect for their business. Then again, Vernon was making out with you just as strongly as you were with him, so the blame isn’t entirely on you.

“Sorry, um—Mina needs me to pick her up anyway, so…I’m gonna go! I’ll reschedule with you if you want me to, kid.” Seungcheol can’t look either of you in the eye as he walks past to grab his stuff, the tips of his ears red as he makes his way to the entrance.

In a flash, Seungcheol’s gone, and you release a squeal of embarrassment as Vernon laughs into your neck. “It’s not funny! I didn’t expect your boss to see all of that.”

“Hey,” Vernon interjects, “co-owner.” You stick your tongue out at him in response, but he just brushes a free strand of hair from your face. “We don’t have to be ashamed.” His eyes darken as he pushes his fingers into your neck. A small whimper escapes you, as much as you try to fight it. “Don’t tell me you’ll actually call him back for a tattoo.”

You roll your eyes again at him, the boy oblivious to the most logical answer. “What do you think?”

Vernon pecks your lips one more time in relief before walking towards the windows at the front of the parlor, the open space outside visible from the ceiling to the floor. Before you can ask, he says with a smirk as he brings the curtains down, “Don’t want anyone else getting a show, right?”

Vernon’s tongue touches the roof of your mouth as his hands roam underneath your t-shirt. You lie splayed out on his tattoo chair, with half of Vernon's body covering you. He pinches the skin that peeks out of your bra as his tongue works circles against your own. His fingers ghost so close to the curve of your breast that you may fall apart untouched at this rate. You can only imagine what you’ll do when he explores the places you want him to the most.

“You’re okay with this, right?” He asks with sudden vulnerability, his lips swollen and kiss-stained as he parts from you. A string of saliva peeks out in the corner of his mouth, and you find it utterly adorable how lust-blown his irises look already. “I get it if you’d prefer for this happen somewhere more private, I just—”

You press his mouth against yours. The method of shutting him up works wonders, Vernon groaning into your mouth as you palm him above his jeans and let the actions of your body do what the words can only do for so long.

Weeks of waiting, months of wondering, just for him to bring the pleasure of heaven down onto you like this. Inked arms caressing your body, sounds signaling his pleasure, mouth burning kisses into your skin like your own Vernon-shaped badges of honor.

Like a tattoo, every touch marks you as his.

“Open your mouth,” he commands as he wraps his hand around your jaw and chin, and you do it without a second thought. Before you can register the action, he spits his saliva onto the center of your tongue. It’s filthy, pure sin. From the sound that leaves his lips to the way he looks at you, expectant and waiting, any normal girl would probably retract and think it odd for a make-out session to come to this point.

But, because you’re you, eager for any and all of him, you swallow it. He emits a hum of approval, roaming the expanse of your face like a man who’s been without a real meal for too long, ready to devour anything that’s in front of him.

Vernon scoots you both closer to the edge of the tattoo chair, dragging his hands up to the top of your jean shorts as he slides further down until his knees hit the concrete floor. “I want these off. Lift your hips.”

He takes the clothing off as soon as you lift your lower half up for him to discard the fabric. Your body jolts from the cool air, the chillier temperature in the space hitting your core and the wet patch on your underwear.

“Shit,” Vernon says as he parts your legs, his hands splaying out on the insides of your thighs. “This wet for me, already? I have a lot to live up to.”

“Don’t tease me,” you say with a pout in his direction. You wiggle your hips closer to his body, needing more than he is giving in the moment. He stills you with one hand on the outside of your thigh, and the other pulling your panties to the side, the air completely brushing against your exposed cunt.

He kisses both of your kneecaps before he inches closer, each second a drag into the ultimate oblivion you want to fall into. If only he would quit making you wait for it.

The second you think to chastise him for moving so slowly is the second he attaches his mouth to your clit. He licks a stripe from your perineum to the swollen bud, his open mouth latching onto your pussy like it’s all he wants to consume for the rest of his life.

You latch your fingers between the strands of his hair, moaning into the open air above you as he works your body for all it’s capable of. He’s only seen you naked for a minute yet he seems to know exactly how to make it stop, start, speed up, and slow down just from his ministrations.

Stars paint the back of your eyelids as he continues to run his lips and tongue across your center. Your hole flutters at the entrance of his tongue between your walls. His nose pokes your clit as he does so, and you think this may be the best sexual experience you’ve ever had, despite the abnormal setting in which it’s taking place.

You’ll never look at another tattoo chair the same, that’s for sure.

Your release comes at the rapid movements of his tongue against your clit, the figure eights too fast for your mind and body to keep up with. Unfiltered moans and curses leave your lips as you fall back down to earth, Vernon not letting up until your body stops shaking and turns to mush against the chair.

His wet mouth lingers on your thighs, lips sticky with your essence. “Think you can get on all fours for me, princess?”

You don’t know how to sit up when you feel so limbless, all the energy sapped from you from your orgasm, but you’re willing to do what he wants if it means he gives you another.

Anything for more of the pleasure he’s made you feel in such a short span of time.

He removes your underwear completely and then unbuckles his belt as you stretch your hands and knees out on the small tattoo chair, bending it all the way down to accommodate your body on top of it. You feel the head of his cock rub against your pussy, and a garbled whimper escapes at the friction. Moving backwards into him is no use, him sensing your eagerness in a second and pulling away.

“Don’t be a brat,” he chastises.

“I wouldn’t have to be if you gave me what I want,” you talk back, turning your head to look him in the eye.

In that moment, he decides to sheath himself fully inside of you, and you shut your eyes tight at the overwhelming stretch of his cock filling you completely. “‘S even better than I imagined,” he groans as he picks up his pace. The tattoo chair squeaks underneath you as he thrusts. His hips are unrelenting as his pelvis meets yours with every slap of skin against skin.

“You look so good on my chair like this,” he grunts, hand reaching in front of you to snake down to your clit. He rubs circles against the nub, your pussy tightening around his cock from the touch of his fingers. “Perfect canvas, and my perfect slut.”

“Yes, Vernon. All yours,” you whimper, clamping down on him harder to bring yourself closer to your second release. It crawls down your spine, inching closer to the center of your thighs and waiting for the perfect moment to hit you all at once.

“Hansol,” he says, breathless. “My real name. Want to hear it come from that pretty mouth.” He snaps his hips harder into you, his tip kissing your cervix with perfect force.

“Yes—fuck! Hansol! I’m gonna come!” 

“I’m right there with you, princess.” Vernon moves faster, presses his fingers against your clit in tighter circles, does anything and everything so you both fall apart at the same time. He wants it as bad as you do, his huffs of pleasure mixing with your whines of ecstasy.

Soon enough, your body shatters around his cock, your release gushing out of you and onto his fingers as he slams himself deeper inside of you. You quake underneath him, holding the chair with a death grip as you ride out the high that turns you into nothing but a mess of pleasure.

He stills after a few more thrusts, warmth filling your insides as he leans forward to groan into your ear at the feelings overwhelming his senses. He runs his fingers across the tattoos of his making once he’s completely still, mesmerized by both his own artwork on your skin and the euphoria he’s just experienced.

Droplets of his cum leak out of you when you both separate, and he finds a random rag in a desk drawer to clean you up with. When you shudder from the sensitivity still coating your nerves, he kisses your cheek and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. You grab your clothes from the floor to put back on, but all you can focus on as you readjust the buttons of your shorts is how cute Vernon’s face looks all flushed and glistening with sweat.

“You know I can tattoo that ridiculous butterfly on you if you really want it.” His eyebrows quirk into mischievous lines, ones that make you giggle.

“I don’t. But maybe you’ll design something worth my while.”

He pulls you in by the hips, reattaching his lips to your with the taste of you on his tongue. It’s perfect, too perfect to believe it’s your reality. Yet, he’s the realest thing in your life now, save for the ink that adorns your skin. He pecks your lips once again before saying, “You know I always do.”

@gyubakeries @loserlvrss @jjunberry @yvnempire @addictedtohobi @innocygnet @filmnings @g0r3wh0rre

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𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫 𝑴𝒀 𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑲𝑺 𝒐𝒓 𝑱𝑶𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝒀 𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑺 © 𝖠𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖧𝖤𝖤𝖢𝖧𝖶𝖤; 𝖣𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖻𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍.

[nostalgebraist]

I feel like I've had the same experience several times now: someone does a new translation of a non-English literary classic, and all the critics praise it to the moon, so I go and try to read it, and it's turns out it's just . . . bad? Like, really bad? And weirdly bad?

A while back, I wrote about the case of Pevear and Volokhonsky. Here's another example, which I encountered while doing background research for my novel Almost Nowhere.

----

One of my novel's major characters is a literary translator, famous for his rendition of the Persian epic poem Shahnameh ("Book of Kings").

To help me write this character, I tried to read the Shahnameh myself. I started out – where else? – with the translation that seemed to be the gold standard, and which was certainly the most critically lauded.

Namely, the 2006 translation by Dick Davis, in prose with occasional shifts into verse.

Here's how the Shahnameh begins, in Davis' translation:

What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty? No one has any knowledge of those first days, unless he has heard tales passed down from father to son. This is what those tales tell: The first man to be king, and to establish the ceremonies associated with the crown and throne, was Kayumars. When he became lord of the world, he lived first in the mountains, where he established his throne, and he and his people dressed in leopard skins. It was he who first taught men about the preparation of food and clothing, which were new in the world at that time. Seated on his throne, as splendid as the sun, he reigned for thirty years. He was like a tall cypress tree topped by the full moon, and the royal farr shone from him. All the animals of the world, wild and tame alike, reverently paid homage to him, bowing down before his throne, and their obedience increased his glory and good fortune.

And here is the same opening, in the 1905 translation by Arthur and Edmond Warner (which I only discovered much later in the process of writing Almost Nowhere):

What saith the rustic bard? Who first designed To gain the crown of power among mankind? Who placed the diadem upon his brow? The record of those days hath perished now Unless one, having borne in memory Tales told by sire to son, declare to thee Who was the first to use the royal style And stood the head of all the mighty file. He who compiled the ancient legendary, And tales of paladins, saith Gaiúmart Invented crown and throne, and was a Sháh. This order, Grace, and lustre came to earth When Sol was dominant in Aries And shone so brightly that the world grew young. Its lord was Gaiúmart, who dwelt at first Upon a mountain; thence his throne and fortune Rose. He and all his troop wore leopard-skins, And under him the arts of life began, For food and dress were in their infancy. He reigned o'er all the earth for thirty years, In goodness like a sun upon the throne, And as a full moon o'er a lofty cypress So shone he from the seat of king of kings. The cattle and the divers beasts of prey Grew tame before him; men stood not erect Before his throne but bent, as though in prayer, Awed by the splendour of his high estate, And thence received their Faith.

Now, I can't speak at all about the source text. I have no idea how faithful or unfaithful these two translations are, and in what ways, in which places.

Still, though. I mean like, come on.

This is an epic poem about ancient kings and larger-than-life heroes.

This is a national epic, half myth and half history, narrating the proud folkloric lineage claimed by a real-world empire.

There is a way that such things are supposed to sound, in English. And it sure as hell isn't this:

What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty?

Excuse me? That's your opening line? I thought I was reading a poem, here, not taking a fucking AP World Literature exam!

----

Postscript

Some of the critical praise for the Davis translation, quoted on the back cover of my copy (emphasis mine):

"A poet himself, Davis brings to his translation a nuanced awareness of Ferdowsi's subtle rhythms and cadences. His "Shahnameh" is rendered in an exquisite blend of poetry and prose, with none of the antiquated flourishes that so often mar translations of epic poetry." (Reza Aslan, The New York Times Book Review) "Thanks to Davis's magnificent translation, Ferdowsi and the Shahnameh live again in English.” (Michael Dirda, Washington Post) "A magnificent accomplishment . . . [Davis’s translation] is not only the fullest representation of Ferdowsi’s masterpiece in English but the best." (The New York Sun)

[arcobaleno-22g]

Another reason to hate the movie "Red" (and there are many of them!) The fact is that before the release of this movie, Shanks was a father figure to Luffy (as much as possible for a pirate who can't devote himself to raising a child, but let's face it, he's better at it than a Dragon). In the manga, Luffy even confessed that he sees him as a father, and you can see why. But in this movie, Shanks was presented as just a disgusting example of a parent and, in general, a man without a brain, which he never was. It is simply impossible to imagine such a person treating a child the way he treated Utah - there is no logic or sense in these actions.

And Utah… a character who was never needed in this story. To be honest, their parenting relationship with Luffy was pretty good - logically justified by the distance, but at the same time expressing concern for each other. They are looking for information about each other, enjoying the news and looking forward to the meeting that will take place in the near future. And you're saying that a man like Shanks, who followed Luffy's progress, protected him from a distance, and devoted his life to fulfilling the promise and dream of the guy he'd been with for a couple of months, at the same time completely abandoned caring for the girl he'd raised since infancy and named his daughter? Just left her in the dark with the first person she met, made her hate herself, did nothing to solve her problem, and just waited for everything to sort itself out? This film portrayed Shanks as a man who dropped the ballast in the form of a daughter to "better times." In my opinion, this is the worst of One Piece films just because of that. Because my favorite hedkanon is that he acts as a father figure to Luffy, who has never had a worthy example in front of his eyes (hello, Dragon, and fuck you)

[deebris]

Act 1: Permission

Shelby family x sister reader (platonic!)

Synopsis: Liam Byrne (OC), a humble dockworker and your brother Finn's closest friend, has secretly fallen for you. Driven by pure intentions, he dares to face the most feared man in Birmingham — Thomas Shelby — to ask for permission to court you. However, in a world where power speaks louder than love, Liam's courage might not be enough.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, cigarettes, angst.

Word count: ≈ 1.6k

Observation: The reader does not actively participate in this story. Additionally, this is my first time writing for the Peaky Blinders universe.

ACT 2: Sacrifice — ACT 3: Retraction

“Let me see if I understand this correctly.” Tommy removed his reading glasses to look at the young man closely. “You came here to ask for permission to court my little sister, is that it?”

“Yes, Mr. Shelby,” his inexperienced voice confirmed. Though he stammered at first, there was no hesitation in the words.

Tommy leaned back in his chair, sighing as he studied the boy for any obvious flaws. He didn’t yet have the face of a man, but his hands were so rough and calloused that them revealed the responsibility he carried.

Liam Byrne worked from dawn until dusk, seven days a week. His sun-tanned skin and tired eyes also told the tale of his hard routine. His hair, once a lighter brown in his infancy, now used to be dark, covered in grease and mud.

But Tommy noticed the effort he made to look presentable. His white shirt was clean, and the shoes were polished despite being worn out. His hair had been washed, each strand perfectly in place. And the scent he wore, though faint, was pleasant. Liam wanted to make a good impression, the one of a decent and civilized man.

Looking at him a bit longer, his face seemed familiar. It wasn’t uncommon to see him near the canals or walking with Finn every once in a while.

“Byrne, right?” The Shelby asked just to confirm, trying to remember any other member of the family. “And what do you do for a living?”

“I work at the docks, sir. I unload and load most of the boats that come in.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, observing Liam with an impassive face, which made the boy swallow hard. It was clear how he interlaced his fingers, waiting for the man in front of him to say something. Byrne didn’t seem afraid, but he was nervous.

“You’re a dockworker?” Tom finally spoke, bewildered.

“Exactly, sir,” he said without shame, but also without pride. It’s honest work, true, but it wasn’t up to a Shelby’s standard.

Liam's hands clenched his knees so tightly that the knuckles turned white.

“And what exactly does a dockworker think he can offer my sister?’

Tommy’s voice was so calm it made him tense up even more. Intimidating, yes, and Liam knows he is facing a powerful man; someone who deserves more respect than all the gentlemen in Birmingham put together.

He was in love with you in a way that went beyond mere infatuation; it was almost suffocating, as if his heart would leap from his chest every time he saw you. That’s why Thomas Shelby’s approval was so important to him.

And the poor Liam was too decent to get involved with a young lady without her family’s knowledge.

“For now, I can’t offer much more than security and a comfortable life, but…”

“Security? A comfortable life?” Tommy interrupted him harshly, as if he had said something ridiculous.

The boy’s green eyes blinked a few times but never wavered, never looking down. Thomas liked that, he had to admit, but it wasn’t enough.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

It wasn’t much different from your age, just two years older, and it explained a lot of his stupid determination.

“Does my sister know about your feelings?”

“I haven’t confessed yet, sir. But it’s what I want, that’s why I’m here.”

“And Finn knows? You’re friends with him and Isaiah.” Tommy asked suspiciously.

“I haven’t told Finn either. But it’s not that I was trying to hide anything, quite the opposite…” Liam interrupted himself upon seeing Tommy’s displeased face, his voice growing quieter, and then he knew something had gone wrong — terribly wrong.

He immediately regretted never having had the courage to talk to Finn about it. Maybe his friend would have reacted well, and it would have helped him gain the older brother’s trust.

“Who’s your father, lad?” The question came like a punch in the stomach to Liam, whose shoulders slumped under an invisible weight.

“I never knew him. He left when I was little, sir. It’s just me and my sick mother.”

Tommy took a deep breath, a trace of empathy showing on his expression, but pity wasn’t going to help you at all.

The Shelby stood up from his chair, taking a few steps to stand in front of the younger. Tom leaned against the desk, reflecting on Liam’s audacity. Despite not having a surname or possessions, he seemed to care about you enough to at least try. But he couldn’t be so reckless as to give credibility to this boy.

“Byrne”, Tommy said his name like a sentence. “I must admit, you’re more honorable than most of the men I’ve seen interested in her. None of them came to me first.” He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, inhaling the smoke before exhaling it. “But you’d be very foolish if you thought I would allow such a thing.”

Hearing that made Liam feel something breaking inside, as if his heart was a coffee bean, destined to be ground into tiny pieces. He processed Thomas’s last words with unusual speed, and the desperation hit him violently.

In all rationality, he wouldn’t have stood up the way he did, and he wouldn’t have used the tone of voice he used.

“Mr. Shelby, I can be good for her,” the boy said almost pleadingly. “I’m not asking to marry her, that’s up to her to decide. I just want your permission to act on how I feel.”

“Act on how you feel? You’ve chosen dangerous words.” Tommy approached him with a calculated fury, placing his index finger, where now he also supported the cigarette, on Liam’s face. “I’ll tell you one thing, Byrne, I know exactly how most lads your age feel, I was one of them.”

Liam became serious, realizing the malicious tone and gravity of the accusation. His eyes flashed with indignation, and he shook his head several times, as if denying a crime before a judge.

“It’s not like that, sir. My reasons are pure. I’m a religious man, my mother raised me with virtues.”

“You’d be surprised what I’ve seen religious men do to women, Byrne. In the end, they’re no different from dogs in heat, hungry, devouring with their eyes pure girls, just like they do with the whores in brothels.” Tommy’s tone remained sharp, like a blade ready to cut. “Now, get out of my sight.”

Liam’s stomach churned in nausea. He wasn’t innocent; he had overheard many dirty conversations between the dock workers, full of insults and statements that challenged even the limits of morality, but he never thought he’d hear something so rude when he walked through the door. A death threat would’ve been less impactful.

His bright irises swept over Thomas’s, looking for a weak spot, a sign that he might change his mind. But it didn’t happen. A strong realization hit him like a bucket of cold water, and all the hope he had seemed childish. Liam kept his lips firmly closed, his expression still impassive, and nodded in defeat.

Coward — he thought of himself for giving in so easily. But he should’ve known that a mere conversation or request wouldn’t be enough. He wouldn’t be enough; because you deserved someone far better, someone your brother could trust and rest assured, because he could give you the comfort and life you should have.

“Excuse me.” He asked, going to retrieve the coat he had left resting on the chair.

Tommy watched him like an eagle as he opened the office door, only to find Finn on the other side. Liam froze, staring at his friend, who wore a beastly expression, as if he were going to kill him right then and there.

“My sister?” Finn sounded aggressive, just as he looked, but there was a second feeling behind it, a hint of disappointment. He had heard everything from behind the door as soon as Polly told him his friend was here.

“Finn…” Liam said the name carefully, but it seemed to be the trigger Finn needed to attack him.

Finn threw a punch, not caring that he was taller or stronger, and Liam didn’t dare to fight back — out of respect.

He was aware of the risk of coming here and fully understood the reaction, but still wasn’t prepared to take a beating from someone so close. Byrne wanted to shout that he wasn’t trying to stab him in the back, that he didn’t want to be discourteous to him and his family, but it was difficult to speak.

“Finn!” Tommy yelled, needing to grab both of his younger brother’s arms, who still wanted to attack.

Liam got up without much difficulty, but his nose was bleeding. He composed himself slowly, ready to offer an apology, when Finn started yelling:

“Get the hell out of here, you bastard!” He said, his face red with rage as he spat at his friend or ex-friend’s feet. “If I catch you looking at her, I’ll kill you, you fucker!”

“Leave.” Tommy said, almost like advice, which Liam didn’t dare disobey.

He immediately walked into the hallway, trying to stop his nose from bleeding as he passed two people. Liam felt bad for not being able to say goodbye to the lady who welcomed him, or at least give a brief introduction to the man next to her, he just hurried to avoid them trying to help.

Polly and Arthur stared wide-eyed at the boy, who was leaving a trail of blood behind him, and exchanged looks when he went out the front door.

“Jesus Christ.” Polly murmured, following Arthur urgently towards the shouting in the office.

[mingumis]

redemption | jww

it's a beautiful thing, to be a protector.

on the day of her fifteenth birthday, a neglected princess disappears without a word, and when she returns to the court of her family and friends after almost a decade, they find that she has been sharpened into a lethal blade in desperate need of saving.

please refer to this lore drop for descriptions of the noble families and their roles within the royal court!

pairing: jeon wonwoo x f!reader genres/themes: angst, fluff, romance tags: older brother!seokmin, sworn siblings!hoshixreader, princess!reader, generally set in a joseon-esque kingdom but medical technology is somewhat advanced (bc i'm too lazy to come up with period-specific alternatives aha), nothing suggestive beyond kissing tw: neglectful parents, reader has some (many) issues, violence, mentions of killing and death, injuries and blood a/n: this took so long to complete sorry,, redemption is the longest completed thing that i've ever written aaaaaa it's quite rough around the edges, but it is my brainchild so i hope you will enjoy! wc: 13.8k

From your earliest memories, you’ve known that your parents haven’t loved you. It was no secret that while your mother had been ever-present during your older brother’s infancy, attentive to a fault, you had been reared by a nanny, an older great-aunt in a lesser branch of the clan whom you loved very much, but at the hands of another nonetheless. Despite your father’s assurance and your brother’s affection, there had always been a simmering hatred in your mother’s eyes whenever she’d looked at you, and you had known it, even as a child. 

At first, you wondered if it was because you were born a girl, but she had had Seokmin as a perfectly happy, doting son by the time of your birth. You wondered if it was because you had been too late to receive a spot on the throne, but your cousin, Chan, had already been born a year prior, receiving the birthright of Voice and completing the Triumvirate, so your mother had had no logical reason to despise you for merely that. 

You wondered if it was because you looked nothing like Seokmin, and consequently, nothing like her. Instead, everyone always insisted that you were the spitting image of your father’s youth. Adults of the royal Inner Circle and members of the court had insisted that siblings didn’t always have to look similar. After all, take a look at the Head, Heart, and Voice of the current generation; don’t each of them vary in height, looks, and demeanor? 

Seokmin remains the joyful, caring child that he was, while you, tainted by your father’s disinterest and your mother’s loathing, grow withdrawn and cynical. 

It’s no wonder that the court murmurs with rumors of your illegitimacy. 

To Seokmin’s credit, he has never once forsaken you. He shields you from your mother’s wrath, shares your father’s brief moments of attention, pulls you into the Inner Circle as if your place within is your birthright. Despite only being a few years older, he becomes your protector. 

But a brother’s love can nurture a young girl’s soul only so much. When you’re deemed too old to simper out from under your old nanny’s skirts, they send her away from the estate, back to her humble shack of a home. You remember howling and begging to be sent from the palace grounds with her, sniveling for days on end until finally, your own mother silently shot you the iciest of glares and put an end to your tantrum for good. 

Neglect turns a child resentful, and in you, the hatred grows inward. There’s a tempest that brews deep inside your stomach, churning like the eye of a storm. A fear that you’ll be forgotten by all, an anger that you’ve been overlooked by the ones who should love you most in this world, a longing for a larger role than the unwanted second daughter of a second son. 

On the eve of your fifteenth birthday, you slip from your room, with nothing but a single cloak in your possession, and disappear from the only world you’ve ever known. 

–

“Ready for your big, dramatic entrance?” 

You barely stir from your meditative state, legs folded tightly beneath you as you sit atop a neatly made bed. The inn had been clean enough, but the sounds of the other patrons had kept you awake all night. Not that your writhing nerves would have let you sleep at all, even if it had been quiet as a church. 

Gathering a shallow breath, you open your eyes against the early morning darkness, spying Kwon Soonyoung in the corner through the first beams of dawn trickling through the slits of the window. The First Blade of the kingdom, of your family’s dynasty, looks like a mere boy, facial features smudged and softened by the shadows. The only thing about him that gleams through the dim are his eyes, burning intensely, the gaze of a tiger. 

Your sworn brother gives you what you’re sure he considers an easy smile, but it looks like the taunting grin of a hunter watching its prey fall into a trap. It’s been eight years since you’ve run from home and arrived at the Kwons’ doorstep, begging for shelter and a chance to become a Blade. It’s been eight years that you’ve spent beside Soonyoung, training and bickering and bleeding with him. He’s the one who picked you up whenever you stumbled during the rigorous training regimen, the one who mended your bumps and scrapes and cuts and bruises. Sometimes, you still feel shivers at the realization of what a lethal weapon he is, despite it all. 

“Dramatic,” you echo through a scoff, finally detangling yourself from your pose and rolling the stiff muscles of your neck. “We’re going for my father’s funeral, not to cause a scene. Besides, I doubt there’ll be much fanfare for the likes of me.” 

Soonyoung shrugs, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he ambles up to the side of your bed. When he drops to a crouch to peer up into your face, you catch the barely-there concern, tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

Despite everything, it makes you smile. “Why? Are you worried for me?” 

It’s the man’s turn to scoff as he shoots up to his feet, turning his back on you to stare out the window towards the ever-brightening sky. “The First Blade doesn’t worry about anything except the choice of his weapon when he kills.” There’s a slight jut to his lips as he speaks, and not for the first time, you wonder how he has ever become the bloodiest killer in the kingdom. 

“Well, good.” You rise and stalk over to the wooden wardrobe, where a single cloak, a relic of your past life, has been hung up. “Because I’m about two seconds away from hurling everything in my stomach up.” 

–

It’s strange, you think to yourself, how you’ve forgotten the way from the city to the palace grounds to the inner quadrants that belong to your family, but the moment you step foot past the threshold of your ancestors’ estate, your body seems to remember every footpath, every tree and its roots, every door and where it leads. 

Soonyoung slows his pace when he notices that you’ve fallen behind, eyes darting from the golden gingko trees lining the paths, to the intricately carved dragon gargoyles on every point of the ancient rooves, to the ripples that have been raked into the gravel meticulously by the servants. Everything is so familiar yet foreign, as if you have stepped into a world that once belonged to you but you no longer belong to. 

“Come on, Tigress.” Soonyoung prompts, voice not urging but firm. “The Circle awaits, and Jihoon hates to be kept waiting.” 

You nod absentmindedly and quicken your pace to catch up, nerves all but anxiously frayed now. 

Soonyoung leads you to a grand pagoda beside the glassy pond in the gardens. Your mother had loved it there, so as a child, you had avoided it at any means possible. As you approach closer, voices of varying pitch and volume and enthusiasm peal from the structure, and you try not to look at the various figures of the people within it. 

The First Blade stalks forward, calling out to his gathered friends. Thankfully, you’re still obscured behind him so it gives you a moment to catch a few breaths and still the hummingbird that seems to have gotten trapped inside your chest. 

A tiny voice in your head reminds you of the person you are now, the one that you have trained to become in the past eight years. You’ve completed the training that it takes to become a Blade, worked your way up from the bottom, in rudimentary lessons beside five-year-old Kwon boys and girls. You are no longer the spineless, vapid girl made small by every hateful glare from your mother. 

You force your head up, rolling your shoulders back and swallowing away the fear that threatens to make your knees buckle. 

Killing is like dancing, Soonyoung had once told you the words of his family. The battlefield is your stage. 

You were never a dancer. As much as you could keep up with Soonyoung’s intricate maneuvers in disarming, paralyzing, maiming, you could never follow through with a simple box step, feet tangling up with one another until you tripped and crumpled to the ground, glaring as he cackled. You were never a dancer but you are a performer, and you think that you finally understand the Kwon words when you walk up the steps to the pagoda and it feels like entering the fray of war.

Instantly, twelve pairs of eyes clap onto you, like lightning striking a tree. You look straight ahead, cooly meeting the stare of Lee Jihoon, the Ruby Dragon, future Head of the Triumvirate. Your cousin’s face betrays no emotions, and if he’s surprised, he doesn’t show an ounce of it. Merely, his eyes narrow so imperceptibly that only the trained vision of a Kwon Blade would catch. 

Soonyoung squares his own shoulders, clasping his hands behind his back like a soldier. In the firmest First Blade’s voice you’ve ever heard from him, he announces, “Might I introduce to the Ruby Dragon, Head of the Triumvirate, and the Blessed Inner Circle, her Royal Highness, the Diamond Dragon."

You slowly pull yourself into the same stance as your sworn brother, back and head straight, hands twined together behind your waist to keep them from trembling. A quick inhale and then the words that you’ve practiced over and over in your head since the day that you left home tumble from your lips. 

“I am the second child and only daughter of the late Heart. Upon completing the training as a Blade from the Kwon Clan, I have come to offer myself to the services of the Triumvirate as they see fit, if the Ruby Dragon and His Blessed Inner Circle will have me.” 

You’ve had the hood of your cloak pulled tightly over your head, but you tug it down, revealing yourself. You keep your attention on Jihoon, afraid that if it wanders through the crowd, you’ll seek out Seokmin and his face will be the undoing of your bravado.

Only a few feet before you, Jihoon, the Head of the Triumvirate, sovereign prince of the kingdom and all its lands and people, holds his head up high, slender neck straight. His carriage has remained as impeccable as you remember from your childhood, having been groomed into every bit the regal figure he is supposed to be. He’s swathed in layers of red, his color. You expect him to open his mouth, voice powerful and commanding, as he demands you to grovel at his feet for entrance into the court, but the silence stretches for a moment too long and you lift your gaze from his chin to his face proper. To your surprise, Jihoon merely grins impishly, as if he’s just caught you within an inside joke. 

“I was wondering when you’d make your appearance.” The Ruby Dragon’s voice lilts delicately, as if speaking in melody. 

You clamp your jaws shut tightly to prevent any hasty words from slipping through. Instead, you turn your head to Soonyoung, where the First Blade still stands at attention, expression impassive aside from a tiny twitch of his lips. You should have known. Soonyoung and Jihoon have been thick as thieves since birth. 

“You knew.” It’s a confirmation, rather than a question. 

Jihoon shrugs a single shoulder. “I’m the Head of this kingdom. I tend to know most things.” 

More and more memories come back to you as you sweep your gaze across the Inner Circle and recall the families, their callings. Of course. The Yoon Clan and their Whisperers would have caught news of your disappearance even before you landed at the Kwons’ doormat. The Boo Singers would have coaxed the secrets out of even the wind with their song. 

The realization that you might have not completely disappeared from your past life then begs the question. Did your brother–

Finally, finally, your defenses crumble and you’re seeking out the face of someone who existed as a god, radiant and warm, in the memories of your childhood. He’s there, much taller than when you last saw him, slender yet strong, like a taut bowstring. He’s older, and so are you, but he looks the same as he did when you left his side without so much as a goodbye. 

Seokmin stares right back at you, gaze hardened and unyielding. The shadows underneath his eyes clue you in to how sleepless the recent nights must have been for him, mourning the death of your father, handling the responsibilities that come with being the first son, the Heart of the Triumvirate, the only child left. No, not only the recent nights, every night past for the eight years of your absence. 

Suddenly, you feel your heart thudding, heavy in the pit of your stomach. Guilt trickles into your veins and poisons the bloodstream. You have no choice but to tip your head to your brother, in reverence, in apology, in condolence. 

Because the irrefutable truth in the tears clinging to his lashes is that until mere moments ago, Seokmin had believed that you had been all but dead. 

–

You wince at the deep pulsing ache in your head, pressing firmly and incessantly against your forehead. The lack of rest you’ve gotten the night prior finally catches up to you, but it’s too early to let go of your resolve. Once the Inner Circle had been dismissed by the Head and before he took off with Soonyoung, Seokmin had requested your presence at his wing of the estate, where you now stood, hovering before the doors to his living quarters, catching the trail ends of a conversation coming from within. 

“You kept my sister away from me for eight years.” Your brother’s voice comes clipped short, a bridled emotion simmering beneath the smooth placidity of his unwavering tone. If there’s one thing that you know well, it is anger, and the myriad of ways it appears in people. 

Soonyoung knows it well, too. He is the one who taught you to read it in others, after all. The First Blade waits a breath before he responds as gently as he can muster. 

“I did as the princess bade me. It was her wish for nobody to know. The others who acquired this knowledge did so of their own means; I did not tell a soul.”

“You watched her grow into a young woman while I was left to think that she died a child.” 

Seokmin isn’t listening. He’s losing the grip he holds over himself, throat warbling with more and more ire. Even as a child, he had been emotional, which, as the future Heart, their mother had celebrated. To be aware and cognizant of one’s feelings, understand their origins, and be able to apply them to rulings, was the mark of a wise and judicious Heart. Their father, however, had worried that Seokmin would be poignant to a fault. 

You understand his concerns now. Rage at the hands of someone who knows it well could be shackled like a wolf, kept at bay until the apt time came to loosen and utilize it. Rage at the hands of a stranger is nothing but a lit candle in the middle of a forest, wick nearing the end of its life, flame lapping at the kindling at its feet.

A wildfire waiting to happen.

You rap your knuckles against the heavy wooden door that divides you from the murmured argument. Both men on the other side fall silent until you clear your throat. 

“Brother, you called?”

You hear the hiccup of a heavy sigh. “Come in.”

As you swing open the entrance and press yourself inside cautiously, Soonyoung passes, stalking his exit briskly. You briefly catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking, but the First Blade merely nods at you before disappearing without a sound. 

Inside, Seokmin stands before his desk, back turned towards you and head bowed. The line of his shoulders quivers as he gathers his breaths, and you wait patiently, taking in the presence of your brother for the first time in a long time and marveling at how instantly you feel at home. 

When he finally shifts, looking at you over his shoulder, his eyes are guarded, careful. As if he doesn’t trust that you really are his sister. You cannot blame him. 

“You’ll have to excuse the state that I am in,” Seokmin sighs again, lifting a palm to drag across his face. “It has been a whirlwind of a few days.” 

You dip your head. “And I’m sure I haven’t made things any easier,” you try to break the ice delicately, but your voice sounds too thin against the gravity of the atmosphere. Instead, you offer, “My sincerest condolences for your loss of the former Heart. I cannot begin to imagine the grief you must feel.” 

Your brother’s face twists into a mask of confusion to hide the contortion of pain in it. “He was your father, too,” he reminds quietly, as if allowing you the grace to mourn. 

When word of your father’s death had echoed through the palace, arriving in the Kwons’ courtyards on the wings of a Songbird, you had felt no grief. Merely, your heart ached for your brother, who you knew had loved your father, from leagues away, wondering if he could hear your words of comfort for him on the breeze. 

Gently, you say, “He loved you more than he ever loved me.” 

No matter how kind of a lie it would be, Seokmin never holds an untruth on his tongue, so he elects to remain quiet instead. He takes another stretch of silence as a pause, and you watch as your brother gathers himself, slowly but steadily, into the prince that is required of him. For the first time since morning, his eyes are wiped dry, spine pulled into a straight, solid column, as he struggles to press his lips into a smile.

“I am glad that you are not dead, my sister.” 

You bow your head again. “I’m sorry for leaving.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” Seokmin’s words come kindly, but his gaze searches yours, imploring for answers. Out of a primal, animal instinct, you throw your walls back up, the tiny hairs on your nape bristling. Perceptive as ever, your brother gives the smallest of nods and backs off. 

“I’m sorry for deceiving you for so long,” you continue your litany of regrets, nerves grating raw until you get every single one on your list off your chest. 

Your brother’s expression flickers with hurt, and he holds a hand up, halting you in the midst of your next sentence. “We–” He winces, “We’ll have to continue talking about that another time.” Seokmin exhales heavily, and you wonder if his lungs will fare alright with all this sighing. “I called you here because I thought we might discuss some family matters.” 

You blink in surprise, first at the sudden formality of his tone, then at the inclusion of you within the topic. Sure, technicalities make you part of the family on paper, but you had lived the past eight years, denying your membership in the Lee dynasty, taking on Soonyoung’s dumb nickname for you in a defiant act of renouncing your given name. Just a few hours ago, your brother had thought you good and dead. You cannot help but feel unworthy of his ready acceptance of your return. 

You shift nervously from foot to foot, watching impatiently as Seokmin circles the corner of his desk and sinks into his seat on the opposite side of the wooden counter from you. He tilts his head curiously, nodding at the chair before you to sit. 

“I–” You start, but your voice gets caught somewhere in your throat as you realize that you’re not sure what exactly to say. Obediently, you awkwardly settle onto the cushioned armchair, grasping for some semblance of intellect. The Kwons had been a clan of few words, choosing to speak with their fists or weapons whenever they could. You’d grown out of practice in the solemn palatial manner of speaking. 

Seokmin waits until he seems sure that you have nothing left to say. “The late Heart’s funeral is set to take place in two days, and almost all of the preparations have been completed. His body will be held by the Redeemers until the pyre is lit. Would you like to view him in private before the ceremony?”

Your eyes flutter shut. In the swirling depths of your childhood recollections, you catch fleeting glimpses of your father, who everyone claimed you looked like. Whenever you stared in the mirror at yourself, you pored over every feature, wondering if your father scowled the way you did, frowned the way you did, glowered the way you did. From the few snatches of memories, you had decided that he did, in fact, carry the same mask of gloom as you. You never remember your father’s smile in your own. 

“No.” The word escapes before you can even think to hold it in, for the sake of sparing your brother’s feelings, at least. “No need to go through all that trouble for a wayward daughter,” you quickly amend. 

To your brother’s credit, he simply moves on. “We, obviously, did not expect your presence in the processions,” Seokmin says with an apologetic grimace, as if he is the one at fault for being unprepared. “But the Kims have a daughter, Mingyu’s sister, who I believe is roughly the same build as you, and she has offered to lend you some of her clothing for the ceremony.” You nod along to his words gratefully, until he quietly murmurs, “I don’t think Mother’s old clothes would work.” Your breath hitches. Blurred edges narrow the scope of your vision, clouding your brother’s face, and suddenly, you’re back in the body of the apprehensive, frightened little girl, who trembled like a leaf at every little thing that reminded her of her mother. For all of the agonizing that you had done over reuniting with your brother, attending your father’s funeral, you had, somehow, neglected to consider the presence of your mother in all of this. Perhaps you hadn’t wanted to. 

Seokmin calling your name wrenches you back into your current body, the sound of your given name and on the lips of your brother, no less, startling you into the present. He examines you wordlessly, prompting a response. 

“Mother.” The name lodges in your throat until you clear it and spit it out into existence. “Is she well?” It pains you to ask. 

Your brother frowns, forehead creasing and fingers coming up to knead at his temples. “Not entirely,” he hesitates. “She lives, but I’m afraid that Father’s passing has caused her a lot of mental distress. She requested for a royal pardon from the Head to be absent from the funeral processions and has left for her family’s estate.” 

You suppose that you should be relieved, having been spared a reunion with your mother, the phantom that has haunted your every nightmare since childhood. Instead, a wash of disappointment bitters your tongue. 

“A pity,” you say, hollowly. 

There’s a knowing shadow that flickers across Seokmin’s expression that you just barely notice before it’s gone. Neither of you acknowledge the moment before your brother proceeds with his agenda. 

–

“Your Highness,” the boy indulges you with a quick dip of his chin before brazenly hurrying away, as if he could not stand another moment accompanying you. The servants of the palace, overwhelmed with the preparations for your father’s funeral, had already been buzzing here and there, and your appearance, you’re sure, had not been a welcome one at all. Just within a night’s stay, you could almost taste their wariness in the few interactions you had had with them. 

Fortunately, you’d been able to grab hold of a passing stableboy for the brief walk it took for him to escort you westward to the physician’s pavilion, where Seokmin had insisted you at least receive a glance over from the First Redeemer. “To ease my mind in the matters of your wellbeing, at least,” he had said with wide, pleading eyes. 

You couldn’t have refused him that. 

As you climb the steps to the pavilion, you reach into your oldest memories, recalling everything that you know about the clan of Redeemers. Your father’s physician had been the figurehead of the Jeon family, a man just a few years older than him, with a thin, friendly visage and the heavy twang of a dialect from the outer provinces. Satisfied with the expectation of the faint image conjured up in your mind, you turn the corner into a hallway and announce your arrival with a knock into the first door on your left, as instructed by the rude attendant. 

“Come in.” The voice that answers rumbles low and deep, with barely a lilt of the accent that you thought you remembered. 

When you slip past the sliding doors to the vast room that awaits on the other side, your attention lands onto the silhouette of a man in the far corner, as he attends to a large shelf almost as tall as him. From your vantage, all you can catch is his side profile, a delicate pair of eyeglasses perched atop the bridge of his nose. Black hair cropped short, face like a dagger, all of his features angled and sharp. He’s young, much younger than the blurred memories of your past, and you blink in surprise when he shifts to look up at you. 

“Ah.”

“I’m looking for the First Redeemer. The Heart scheduled a meeting for me.”

The man slides a book onto the shelf from the crook of his arm, nodding a few times before fully turning towards you. “That would be me,” he finally speaks more than a few words at a time, lips quirking into a smile that looks a little innocent compared to the previously aloof expression he had been wearing. “Jeon Wonwoo.” He crosses over the distance between in a few strides, holding a hand out in greeting. 

You clasp his palm with yours, admiring the slide of his smooth skin against your own, uncouth with callouses. Back in the early days of your residence at the Kwon estate, you had practically lived with a blade in your hands, determined to shed off your clumsiness and catch up to the children who were eternally more graceful than you. When your blisters popped and your raw palms tore and you cried for the first time since you ran, Soonyoung had wrapped them up in strips of cloth, muttering, “Stop crying. Soft hands make for soft people. This is you getting stronger.” 

Despite his smooth, soft palms, your first impression of Wonwoo is not that he would be weak. Your face warms a little at the thought, and you lower your gaze to stare at his nose, murmuring, “I remember my father’s Redeemer being much older.” 

Wonwoo laughs, a quick bark of mirth, as if he hadn’t expected to be humored, and you can’t help but grin too. “That would be my father,” he responds, pulling his arm back to his side, much to your disappointment. “I took over his position just a year ago, when he stepped down to handle the enterprises.” He gestures for you to take a seat in an armchair placed beside a massive work desk, made of glass and metal. 

You obey and sit, skin prickling with anticipation. The Redeemer shuffles around his desk, pulling drawers open and picking out various items, not many of which you’re familiar with. Watching the wide expanse of his back, flush against his silken robes of violet as he moves, you swallow the tight knot in your throat, mouth dry. You drop your gaze shamefully, before the cinch of the sash accentuating his narrow waist greedily takes over your attention again. 

It’s not like you haven’t been in the presence of a grown man before. Though the Kwons had provided you a private room of your own, you had preferred the barracks of your fellow Blades in training, hopelessly lonely in a silent room, leagues away from home. Once Soonyoung had offered you his blood and his life and you had promised yours to him, he had cleared away a corner of his own quarters, shoving a cot into it for you to sleep in instead. You’d seen the First Blade through most things, as he sweat through his shirts during training, as he opted to sleep bare chested during the humid summer nights, as he sagged against you, bleeding from a nasty slash that split his skin in half and left a canyon of a scar across his back. 

You shut your eyes against that image, suppressing a shudder and trying to shake away the memory of panic and despair that had consumed you, imagining the possibility of losing another brother. 

“Nervous?” 

You jerk your head up, unexpectedly meeting his gaze, and all thoughts scatter beneath the scrutiny of his sharp eyes. Wonwoo has shut all of the drawers of his desk and carefully arranged the array of tools that picked out onto a neatly folded towel. There’s a slight furrow to his brow, which you puzzle over until you realize that your breath has caught shallowly in your chest, turning your inhales and exhales into quick, accented huffs. 

Embarrassed, and a little shy, at having lost the hold you try to keep over your emotions, you give a sheepish shake of your head. “No, I just got lost in my thoughts for a moment.” 

“Does that happen often?” 

The man’s demeanor shifts ever so slightly, but it’s enough for you to realize that he has reoriented himself into the First Redeemer. Belatedly, you pull yourself into a proper sitting form, putting on airs to at least look the part of the royalty you’re supposed to be. 

“Sometimes,” you shrug. “It’s something Soonyoung says I have to work on. Keeping my emotions under control.” 

Wonwoo snorts, before muttering, “Rich, coming from him.” 

You’d agree with him, but the curiosity sparked by his familiarity of scoffing at the First Blade grows stronger than the desire to tease Soonyoung out of earshot. “Are you two close? He…never really mentioned the palace to me while I lived with the Kwons.” 

Wonwoo reaches for his desk, picking up a stethoscope as he hums. “Sure, we grew up together,” he smiles as he plugs his ears and holds the bell firmly against your chest. “Blades are always getting hurt, and they’re always in need of Redeemers. Breathe in.” The instruction he ends with dips low in pitch and sends a shiver up your spine, and an inhale snags within your throat in a hasty attempt to comply. 

In, out, in, out, he directs, and you follow as steadily as you can manage, trying desperately not to look up at his face, down at his hands, ahead at his chest so close to your own. It feels like an eternity later when he leans back, pulling the stethoscope off. When you can finally manage to sneak a glance, Wonwoo’s nose is scrunched in concentration as he counts numbers in his head. 

“Heartbeat’s a little faster than what’s considered average,” he thinks out loud, and you’re mortified, cheeks immediately flushing hot. You shift in the armchair, wondering if you should say something, pull some excuse out of your ass to explain for it, something, anything. 

“There you are!” 

The doors slide open, and you heave a sigh of relief when the sudden crashing of noises shatters the stifling silence that has settled over the room. You whip around to find Kim Mingyu at the entrance to the room, his giant hulking frame crumpled as he catches his breath. 

An exasperated sigh eludes Wonwoo, “What is it, Mingyu?” 

The Sentinel lifts from where he’s bent over, hands against his knees. “Well, I was supposed to escort the princess here, but when I got to the estate, the servants told me that you harassed a stableboy to take you instead.” You roll your eyes at your brother’s best friend, amused at the wrinkles in his clothes in his rush to find you, at the hiss of a lisp that he doesn’t seem to have corrected since childhood. “I waited fifteen minutes for you. I wasn’t going to be late on account of you.” 

Mingyu pulls over a wooden chair from a corner of the room with much familiarity, clicking his tongue. “Five more minutes, and I would’ve been there.”

Wonwoo muses, “You probably overslept.” He dips his head towards you like he’s sharing a secret, and you marvel when his cheek dimples slightly. “It’s his fatal flaw.” When Mingyu huffs, “It’s my only flaw,” you barely pay him any mind, the image of Wonwoo’s smile etched into the back of your eyelids. 

–

“Heard you and the First Redeemer are friends,” you ponder mildly, sidestepping a well-placed sweep that Soonyoung crouches to throw out. 

The First Blade makes a satisfied hum before he straightens. “Wonwoo?” The name that he calls out curiously makes your stomach warm. 

“Mmhm.” 

“Yeah, why?”

“Just wondering.” “I’m telling Seokmin.” “Telling him what?”

“That it has been two days since you’ve reentered the palace and that you’re already eyeing pretty boys.” 

You bite, like a fool. “You think Wonwoo’s pretty?”

Thwack. 

Soonyoung cuts you a glare, but his mouth curls into a satisfied grin. He clears his throat, pulling his arm back from the smack he’s landed on your shoulder. 

“We are mere hours from burning your father’s body,” your sworn brother deadpans, clicking his tongue in mock disappointment. “Have some decorum.” He pulls away, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with the hem of his shirt. 

You wrinkle your nose in offense, spitting, “Fuck off. Low blow.” 

The First Blade snickers, which makes you snort, and for once, you’re glad for the daily schedule that he keeps that requires you to spar with him at dawn. If others had overheard the crass conversation ringing through the courtyard, they surely would have condemned the lack of grief you displayed for your recently deceased father. 

After the training session, you barely have enough time to scrub and wash the sweat from your skin, before attendants are swarming over you, brushing your hair, smearing powder against your sun-burnished face, pressing you into a wardrobe of lended clothes. Mingyu’s little sister must have grown a yard in your absence because her clothes drape onto the floor, and the servants flutter about, fastening metal pins here and there to match the length to your height.

The skirt and overcoat are cobalt blue, your brother’s color, and you run your fingertips against the imperceptible pinpricks, where you’re certain that the red wolf of the Kims have been ripped from the cloth. A skilled embroiderer has hastily replaced the image with the stitching of a dragon in a white thread that shimmers silver when you pull it up to glance at the details in the lighting. As a child, you had always hated being born under a Diamond moon, feeling left out even in the assignment of a personal color. Now, as you admire the handiwork, you warm a little at the artisan’s attempt to represent your color in a manner that goes beyond just the color white. 

Once the pampering has been completed, the attendants place you before a mirror before leaving your room in a flitter. The woman that reflects back at you looks misplaced in such an ornate robe, meant for noble ladies. You trace your gaze from head to toe, contemplating the face that everyone claims you inherited from your father, attention catching at the top of your cheekbone, where they caked a bunch of powder to obscure a tiny scar that Soonyoung gave you as bickering teenagers. Your hair, brushed to a shine for the first time since you’ve left home, holds only a single white pin, meant for the chief mourners to wear. You feel absurd, having dressed up for an affair that doesn’t involve you, wearing a dutiful daughter’s symbol of grief when your bleak heart doesn’t even stir for your deceased father. 

You stand in front of the mirror for a long time, unmoving, until a quiet cough from outside announces Mingyu’s presence to escort you to the pyre. Mumbling out a response, you take one last breath, grasping at all the ugly thoughts that threaten to spill out from you and swallowing them back in, hoping that they’ll stay contained in the depths of your stomach at least until the day is over. 

When you emerge, Mingyu beams at you so brightly that you wonder if he knows that he’s bringing you to a funeral. “My sister’s dress seems like it worked out,” he inspects, nodding thoughtfully. “She’s tall,” you comment, lifting at the hem of the skirt to reveal where it's been pinned back. “The attendants were all but convinced I was doomed and the gods would condemn me for wearing a dress too long for my legs.”

Mingyu chortles, “Well, I suppose it runs in the family.” He preens, puffing out his own chest to stretch his own height out taller before tripping over a tiny pebble, and he’s so ridiculous that it makes you laugh. 

The Sentinel merely flashes you a grin, as if relieved.

As is tradition, the funeral takes place in the innermost courtyard within the palace grounds, strictly out of public view in the rear gardens that are considered sacred and visited by the gods. The pyre has been constructed extravagantly, out of large slabs of red pine, fit for a member of the Triumvirate. Onto the uppermost slab, your father’s body, wrapped tightly in white strips of cloth, has been laid. From the ground, he looks tiny, insignificant in the vastness of the world. You avert your eyes quickly, discomfort pricking at your nape. 

The attendance is kept small, meant only for members of the royal family and their Inner Circle, but that means that the Kwons have trekked their way up to the city for the ceremony. Mingyu leads you beside them, making sure that you’ve been delivered safely to the clan of Blades before he slips away to his own family with a wink. 

Lady Kwon breathes a quiet gasp when you tug at her sleeve with a smile before she pulls you into an embrace. In the years of your residence at the Kwon estate, she had never once complained of your imposition, taking you in effortlessly as if simply gaining another child. She now fusses over you, despite only having been apart for a few days, brow furrowed, the spitting image of her son. 

“I’m alright,” you assure with a quiet chuff, leaning around her to greet Lord Kwon with a quick dip of your head. 

“Mom, you coddle her too much,” Soonyoung grumbles as he also steps in line beside you. He, for once, has cleaned himself up, dapper in the gold and black of his clan. Though he tugs at the tight collar of his overcoat uncomfortably, he looks more at ease in the formal wear than you, the proper image of a First Blade. He completes his own inspection of you, lips curling in amusement, “Guess you are a princess after all, huh?” 

The window of opportunity for you to retort back closes with Jihoon’s appearance and the subsequent sweeping of everyone dipping towards the Head in reverence. When you straighten from your bow, your gaze jumps across the gathering, as if lured by a silent call, to where Wonwoo stands beside his father, both wearing violet. When Wonwoo lifts his head up, he notices you too and offers a polite nod, which you return with a flutter in your stomach. 

Jihoon calls the ceremony to a start, and the first order of business brings in a shaman to lead a series of rituals to exorcise evil spirits that may attach themselves in the presence of death and to help guide the spirit of the deceased to a peaceful afterlife. Once the rites have been completed, the gathering parts for one of Jihoon’s higher court historians, who has been granted the role of recording down the details of the ceremony. The attendant stands before the crowd, holding a scroll out and reading from it. “We mark today as a most sorrowful day as we part with the former Heart of our exalted Triumvirate. The late Heart is survived by the subsequent Heart, the Sapphire Dragon, his first son.” A hush settles over the gathering as the historian hesitates and hastily adds, “And, er, her Royal Highness, the Diamond Dragon, his daughter.” 

You prickle at the unwanted designation, keeping your gaze cast low towards the ground. From your left, Soonyoung offers you his hand, palm faced up. You reach for it, fingers twining tightly around his. 

Once the formal announcements have been made, Jihoon wordlessly hands over his post to Seokmin, and you watch as your brother takes his place at the center of the gathering, right in front of the pyre. He looks nervous, you think, and your heart aches for him, for the tint of red in his watery eyes. Before he starts, Seokmin looks towards you, and you try to press your lips into a reassuring smile. 

Your brother, who loved your father despite all of his shortcomings, lets a single tear fall. “I speak before you all today so that I may impart my father’s legacy within you as witnesses. My father, the former Heart of the Triumvirate, was not a perfect man, but I knew that he loved me and that I loved him.” 

You listen to Seokmin’s stories of your father throughout his childhood. Of when he broke your mother’s favorite vase and your father helped him sweep the shards away and took the blame for it. Of when Seokmin fell asleep at the desk during his Heart lessons and your father let him sleep for the rest of the session. Despite it all, you find yourself smiling at his memories of the loving father that you never got to experience. 

Your brother had asked, if you had also wanted a chance to speak at the ceremony. At that time, you had instantly refused without much thought. Now, as you hear Seokmin’s speech, you realize that you wouldn’t have a single fond memory of your father to share. 

The proceeding comes to an end with Seokmin, calling for whoever wants to say a personal farewell to come up to the pyre. The Kwons make their way up, leaving you and Soonyoung behind. 

You watch the queue of the former Inner Circle members go up one by one to dip their head to your father’s body, murmuring quiet words to send him off to the afterlife. Curiously, you note that all of these people seem to have a myriad of things to say, while you, his child, cannot come up with a single kind word for him. 

“Oh, man,” Soonyoung groans softly, “Mom’s crying.” 

You follow the crook of his finger, where Lady Kwon, sure enough, dabs at her eyes as she waits for her turn, whereas you, his daughter, cannot even squeeze out a single tear for him. 

The First Blade squirms at your silence, squeezing at your fingers still clutched in his. “Tigress, you alright?” 

You’re mute as everyone says their goodbyes, as Seokmin receives the lit torch and presses it against the pyre, as the flames leap from slab to slab until it consumes your father’s body and swallows it whole. 

Your father who leaves you, in a giant plume of smoke and ashes, with nothing but his face to remember him by. 

–

You’re in a dream. You know that you’re in a dream because although it hasn’t happened in years, you’ve been here before, in this dark, directionless world with swarming shadows that bind over your body and cut you with their sharp edges. There was a time when you’d grown quite adept at identifying the illusion and had been able to force yourself awake and into reality within a mere handful of minutes. 

You suck in a deep breath, hold it in your chest, and shudder as it releases, but there’s no signs of waking up. In fact, the shadows grow clearer, sharper, and bite into your arms and legs and torso with more conviction. You hold back a yelp, trying to gather your concentration into escaping. It gets harder and harder to focus when the pain shifts from stinging to burning and more and more blood sluices from the wounds. 

Weak. 

The first of the voices hisses, and you realize that you’ve lost the opening to escape. When the whispers start, you sink one level deeper into the darkness, rendering you paralyzed with fear and leaving you to endure through the dream until your body wakes on its own. 

Useless. Worthless. 

Your own parents abandoned you. What makes you think that the Kwons won’t too?

The poor Heart only has you left as his remaining family. 

The First Blade is a fool for swearing his life to yours. You’ll get him killed one of these days. 

Because you’re weak. 

Because you’re weak. 

Because you’re weak. 

You wince feebly, straining against the tethers that the shadows have formed into, unable to do much but lie there, suspended in a web of the truths you’ve been desperately trying to outrun. 

It could have been hours or days later when you open your eyes again, this time to a darkness that glows blue, not black. Moments pass as you blink at the sky above, and another handful of seconds later, you recognize the pattern of wood as the ceiling of your room. You’ve woken up from the nightmare in the midnight calm of your childhood bedroom, and suddenly, you relive the early morning of your fifteenth birthday, when you had woken up from a similar dream and decided that you had to run. 

You wrench yourself out of bed, detangling your limbs from where the sweat-soaked blankets have wound themselves around you. 

Soonyoung is your first coherent thought. The few times that he had witnessed your nightmares, he had sat awake with you for the rest of the night. A silent but steady presence. But he left after the funeral earlier to accompany his parents back home. He won’t be back for a few days. 

You think about Seokmin, but he had all but disappeared into his quarters upon lighting the pyre, looking withdrawn and exhausted. Your brother deserves his rest and his peace. 

There’s nobody to seek out, nowhere to go. You can’t stay here in the confines of your mind. You slip out into the frigid night, breath crystallizing in a white cloud that reminds you of the smoke from earlier that day. Your vision flashes with the red and orange and gold of the flames on the pyre. 

Washed white under the moonlight, the courtyard flickers hazily, as if you’re still stuck within a world of dreams. The thought unsettles you. You take off, feet frantic as it leads you somewhere, anywhere. The recognition of the paths within your family’s estate when you first returned quickly dissipates as you round corner after corner. In your desperation and the confusion that the cloak of night brings, you find yourself losing your way, deeper and deeper in the bowels of the palace grounds. The palace is silent and still, punctuated only by the rough drag of your lungs as you take painful gulps of the freezing air. 

Where am I? What am I doing here? Why am I back at Court? Did I really think that they’d welcome me that easily? 

You slow your pace, shaking your head in hopes of defying the voices that have followed you out from the dreams. The shadows are here too. You can feel their edges tightening and nipping into your skin. It’s no longer an illusion but real life. 

“Princess?” 

A voice, a real human voice, shatters the ever-darkening night, and you latch onto it greedily, desperately. When you lift your head, panting all the while, he’s there, like a savior gleaming in the moonlight. The sight of him shocks you awake because there’s no way that something so gentle, so alluring would exist in your nightmares. You return to yourself haltingly, unable to look away as your heartbeat settles and then steadies. 

Wonwoo has discovered you, wandering before the physician’s pavilion in the dead of night, feet and shoulders bare, having neglected a cloak to drape over your nightwear. You barely notice that you’re trembling until the Redeemer crosses over the courtyard to where you stand, pulling at his own coat to place around you, wrapping you in a swell of warmth and the scent of lilac that instantly begin to seep into your bones. 

The man doesn’t say anything as he winds an arm around your shoulders and begins guiding you forward. You keep your head dipped low, eyes glued to the ground, as you follow in shame. The brief journey ends with Wonwoo tucking you into a hallway and closing a door behind the both of you. For a moment, there’s nothing but darkness and you feel the stab of panic again until you hear the strike of a match, see a tiny flame tossed into a furnace. The room that appeared as a yawning void opens up with light, and you peer around, gathering details and piecing together an impression. 

Along the leftmost wall, you catch the counter of a tavern, fashioned from a long, polished slice of wood. Beneath the surface lines an array of barstools, each standing at varying heights. On the opposite end of the room, a cluster of armchairs and lounge chairs have been gathered, a hodge-podge collection of furniture. The fabrics and leathers of the seats are worn and sunken in with use, which is a comforting thought, as if people have lovingly used them as intended, unlike the pristine condition of everything else in the palatial rooms. 

“Where are we?” You croak, wincing at the sound of your own voice, cold and ragged, in the warmth of the mysterious room. 

Wonwoo remains quiet, pattering around the room to throw more kindling into the fire, to strike another match and start up the stove, to shake some leaves into a pot for tea. When he finally stops bustling, he returns to your side, an arm a steadying brace again at the small of your back, as he guides you to sit in one of the couches. 

You sink into the plush seat, staring up at him patiently, while he busies himself to fasten the cloak still over your shoulders tighter, tugging over a blanket from another chair to pull over your lap. You want to tell him to stop, stop moving, stop fussing, but there’s such a determination set to the clench of his jaw and the crease in his brow that trying to stop him feels like a transgression. 

Instead, you decide to steal this opportunity for yourself, slowly observing the man that you’ve already become so inclined towards. Without his overcoat in the way, the strong line of his shoulders outlines his figure, giving way to lean arms, narrow waist, an expanse of legs. The short clipped style that he wears his hair in, his angled face, his slender yet strong build, everything about him leans towards the image of a soldier, much like the ones who you trained as Blades beside. And yet, you recall the dimpled smile as he quietly teased Mingyu, the soft skin and slender wrists of a hand that has never felt the heft of a weapon, the lingering touches that have been nothing but gentle. The juxtaposition bewitches you, and you fall headfirst into the charm. 

Beautiful, the thought forms effortlessly. 

The Redeemer comes over, finally, dipping to a knee in front of you to close your fingers around a clay vessel, hot and fragrant with tea. He insists with a nod until you take a sip, hold the mouthful to savor its warmth, before swallowing it. Ever so slightly, the tension in the grit of his teeth eases, and he takes a drink from his own cup, motionless in his kneel at your feet. Several heartbeats of silence follow until he breaks it with a murmur. “This is the safe haven I’ve created, away from the court, away from the nobility.” Wonwoo wears a modestly proud smile. “It’s meant for all of us. The Circle and the Triumvirate, I mean. Though Soonyoung likes to take advantage of it as his own personal clinic.” He adds the last bit with a fond scowl. 

You contemplate his words, taking another analysis of the space. Tucked away into a corner, there is a trunk, not unlike the one in his office at the pavilion. You guess that it would similarly contain a supply of medical equipment. 

With every subsequent sip, the tea that Wonwoo brewed brings you an inch closer to reality. Once you near the bottom of the cup, the Redeemer finally ventures to ask. “What happened?”

You think that you would be able to answer him, if he wasn’t so earnestly peering up at you from the floor. With a sobering surge of courage, you tell him so, motioning for him to come up beside you on the cushions. Wonwoo sits so close that your shoulder brushes his and you smell the lilac that seems to cling to him like a second skin. 

It’s not hard to find the words to say. After all, you’ve had this conversation once already. A few years ago, when Soonyoung had caught you readying yourself to run again, on a night so dark that the shadows swirled and suspended in the air, like ink in water. He had held you at arm’s length by the shoulders, demanded what was required of him to stop you from disappearing from your family and life for the second time. 

“I have these dreams. These nightmares. Shadows cut into my skin and make me bleed, but they’re not as bad as the voices. They tell me the things that I want to avoid accepting.” 

Wonwoo takes it all in stride, politely keeping his eyes off of you as he stares down into his mug and inquires, “What kinds of things?” 

“That I’m not enough. That I’m going to let everyone down.” 

He considers this in silence, leaving the space for you to continue talking, as if now that you’ve started, you can’t seem to stop. 

“They tell me that Soonyoung is a fool for swearing an oath with me because I’m weak. Inevitably, he’s going to die because I’m going to fail to protect him. They tell me my parents didn’t love me because I’m no use to them.”

Wonwoo bristles against you, his entire body growing taut and still. “Do you really believe that?”

You close your eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter if I believe it or not. It’s the truth.” 

Whether intentional or not, the conversation lulls to an end, and the warmth of the room drains the adrenaline from your restless night, easing you into the blurred boundary of being conscious and asleep. 

When you wake, you find yourself in an unfamiliar room, cheek pressed against a warm, worn leather. Haltingly, you come to each of your senses. The soft cotton of a blanket that has covered you overnight. The musty scent of a secret room and the drying peels of oranges laid out to combat it. Water babbling as it boils in a kettle. Pale sunlight filtering through the window slits. 

You press yourself up to sit, seeking out the one presence in the room that you couldn’t stop thinking about even as you dozed restlessly. Wonwoo, despite having spent the night in this stale room, looks as undisturbed as always. He doesn’t look up from his hunch over the tea that he’s meticulously tending to when he calls, “I’m to report to the Head’s living quarters later this morning for a routine check-up. Would you like to accompany me?” 

You blink, stunned at the request from the Redeemer, who has actual responsibilities within the court, unlike you. You should politely deny the offer. You should pretend to be preoccupied with other prior commitments, play the false part of a princess who is beloved and desired and important. Instead, your heart betrays your head, and you nod wordlessly. 

Later, when Wonwoo has completed his business, the two of you amble through Jihoon’s courtyard, enjoying the rare sunlit morning. 

“Plum blossoms,” Wonwoo says thoughtfully, tall enough that when he reaches up, his fingertips brush against the buds that are beginning to sprout their white and pink petals. “They flower in the late winter. You’re supposed to prune them right after they flower, to help them grow better.” You hum curiously, craning your neck to admire the massive tree stretching wide above. “The symbol of the Lee Clan,” you muse, “And yet only Jihoon’s yard gets to have them planted in it.” 

“He probably doesn’t even realize that they’re here,” Wonwoo’s laughter makes his voice trill, and you beam at the branches, fighting to hide it away from him. 

“When I was a kid, I used to beg my nanny to sneak me away from home and come over to see the flowers here,” you reminisce, the taste of the memory bittersweet on your tongue. “Our yard only has gingkos, so everything was bare during the wintertime.” 

A smile plays at the man’s lips. “A nanny? That’s very princess-y of you.” 

You snort in response before you can even think to hold it in, “Only because my mother didn’t want to have anything to do with me.” Wonwoo’s face falls, and you snicker at his dismay. “Don’t worry, everyone’s known this for decades at this point.” 

The Redeemer’s mouth twists in deliberation as he tips his head to the side, wondering if it’s the truth or if you’re just trying to make him feel better. He flusters on, choosing to change the subject. 

“My parents refused to let anybody intervene with their parenting,” he shrugs. “They didn’t let anybody coddle or reprimand us. They decided that the best and the worst should always come from the parents.” Wonwoo laughs, but there’s a misty rasp to it, as if nostalgia threatens to steal him away. Shaking his head, he reaches overhead and pinches to pluck a tiny blossom off, delicate in his lithe fingers. 

You feel like Wonwoo hesitantly opens up about his own childhood as a response; you shouldn’t pry further. 

“How do you know so much about flowers?” You inquire instead, absentmindedly holding a palm out when Wonwoo gestures to you and drops the blossom into your hand. 

Almost instantly, the defenses come up in his expression, and you understand, feeling the walls as fervently as if they were your own. The straight line of Wonwoo’s shoulders grows taut, a shadow flickers across his gaze, and he responds through his teeth, “My mother loved flowers.”

You nod once, guilty for asking, and that’s that. 

–

“There’s a whisper in the wind.” You stare back at the Yoon man, who Jihoon has appointed as his chief Whisperer. You hadn’t met him in your childhood before you left, but you’ve gathered that your brother and cousins trust Jeonghan with their lives. Nevertheless, you’re a little wary of the man whose innocent visage, you know, obscures a mischievous streak within. Even the way he got ahold of you, slipping in step right beside you as you took your late afternoon stroll amongst the barren trees unsettles you. 

Whisperers, in general, have always discomforted you. Your uncle’s chief Whisperer had been a snake of a man, with an easygoing smile and eyes that flashed like lightning. Even as a child, you had squirmed even being in the same room with the man. The moment you had landed eyes on Jeonghan upon your return, you had known that he was the spawn of the serpent in your memories. 

“What do the whispers say?” Your curiosity triumphs over your unease. 

For once, Jeonghan’s lips aren’t upturned into a smile. Instead, there’s a slight crease to his forehead, and he looks the proper part of a man burdened with the secrets of the entire kingdom. “Lord Jeon has broken a longstanding deal with the Park clan, regarding the private ownership of their clinics, and the Parks aren’t happy.” Your head twinges, unused to the politics of business-dealing. “Why did he do it?”

Jeonghan shrugs a shoulder, dipping his head closer to you. “The Parks have always coveted the Jeons’ proximity to the Triumvirate. They think that once Lord Jeon passes, they can topple his empire.” 

You frown but still don’t understand where this leads. The Whisperer’s gaze softens at your confusion before he delivers the objective. 

“The whispers tell me that they want to exterminate his sons, so that there will be no heirs to inherit the empire.” 

There’s a high-pitched ringing in your ears that deafens you from your own voice asking, “How do they know?”

You return to your senses just as you catch the tail end of Jeonghan’s response. “They recently hired a band of bloodswords. The whispers say that they’ve been bustling all night and morning, and they suspect that they’ll make their move soon.” 

You should’ve listened to Jeonghan. 

The sky had been red as blood when you woke that morning. Usually, it reads as an omen of a storm, but it had felt like something worse. Your mind had gone to Jeonghan’s words instantly, but Wonwoo is securely tucked into the palace grounds. Surely not even bloodswords are capable of slipping past the Sentinels. 

You should’ve listened to Jeonghan. 

When the incessant alarm in your head doesn’t let up, you decide to check in on the physician pavilion with Mingyu, who isn’t hard to wrangle up at all. Soonyoung, on the other hand, tosses sleepily in his bedsheets, grumbling something about having taken an overnight shift for Seungcheol. You frown, unimpressed, but leave him in his room with a mutter that if you, and Jeonghan, turn out to be right and Wonwoo really is in danger, he’ll be sorry for it. 

Wonwoo’s not in his office. The chairs have been thrown, overturned here and there. The glass top of his desk shattered to oblivion. 

Immediately, your concern rots away into dread, and it rises in the back of your throat as bile. Mingyu’s quick on his feet, already lisping through his next thoughts out loud, but you can barely hear what he says, your own mind reeling in panic and fear and despair. 

“Tigress,” Mingyu barks, fingers bruising as he grips your shoulder, “pull yourself together. We need to find Wonwoo.” 

You nod, mumble out your agreement. The Sentinel takes off, and you follow closely, barely aware of where he leads. Mingyu makes quick work of his hunt, like a hound closing in on a scent, and it feels like only a few heartbeats when he skids to a pause in the gateway to a secluded courtyard, one hidden away from most of the palatial grounds, most frequented by servants. The night swarms in, dark and smothering, and there’s barely a sliver of the moon in the sky to provide light but you see him. 

You see Wonwoo, crumpled on the floor and trying to shove himself deeper into the corner that he’s been backed into. There’s a man merely a few feet in front of him, much farther away from you, who inches closer and closer to Wonwoo, a sickly sardonic laugh rattling out of his chest. Like a hunter, triumphant as his prize awaits. 

There’s a horrid cut splitting the pale flesh of Wonwoo’s cheek, weeping blood. Staring at the man before him, he holds out the dagger that Soonyoung gave for protection in their childhood, but it’s too loose in his trembling grip. You see the Redeemer as he once was: a gentle boy, raised by a healer and a nurturer, who grew up wanting nothing but to care for others, the way he was cared for by his parents. Wonwoo couldn’t kill anyone, let alone harm them, even if he wanted to, and the thought makes your insides burn like wildfire. 

“Wonwoo.” Your voice barely comes out, but he hears you, jerking his chin up. His eyes, stretched wide with terror, land on you, and the world around you tips on its axis. They hurt him, put a mark on a man who would never wish harm on another. “No,” you whisper, fingers curling tighter against your weapon, clinging to something desperately so that you don’t lose yourself in the storm. “No. You don’t get to lay a hand on him. You shouldn’t have done that.” The words escape as a sigh from miles away. 

The bloodsword swivels his head over his shoulder before barking out another scoff. “Get lost, little girl. The grown-ups are dealing with business.” 

The man’s words fall innocuously on deaf ears. There’s half a thought forming in your head that maybe you should just disarm him, incapacitate him just enough to have him out of the way so that you can check on Wonwoo. You look back at the Redeemer, see the cut on his face, and a roaring starts up in your ears, as the thought sputters and fizzles out. 

Without a word to Mingyu, you surge forward, but you know that he’s there, hot at your heels. The man puts up no real fight; after all, bloodswords are amateur assassins. The man swivels on his feet, just in time to meet you as you reach him. You barely duck under the swing of his knife, but his movements are clumsy and unpracticed. He tries to lash out several more times, but you weave through each of his attempts. 

You should kill him quickly–there’s Wonwoo to get to–but the grating noise of his awful laugh echoes in your head. How dare he laugh at the thought of hurting Wonwoo, of killing him? Your head gets loud again, you shift to the right a little too slowly, and the man’s swipe catches you across the chin, jerking your head to the side. It doesn’t hurt, you only feel the force of it and nothing else, but it’s enough. You drop into a crouch and slash at his calves with your blade, smiling when his muscles tear and his knees buckle beneath his weight. 

A pitiful yelp of a cry spills from the man, but it’s too late for you to care. You wrench his shoulder, flip him around so that he’s crumpling onto his back, as you loom over him. He has no choice but to look at you now, standing before him with the blade steadying your hands. There’s a slow satisfaction that bubbles in the pit of your stomach, before spreading, warm in your veins, as you see the man’s face contort from anger to despair to finally fear. It delights you, knowing that he has realized his mistake. 

The man dies screaming, and you revel in the way his voice gurgles as he chokes on his own blood before it cuts out entirely. 

Other bodies thud to the floor around you as Mingyu takes care of the hoards that continue appearing, and the reprieve allows you to crouch beside Wonwoo, pressing a quivering palm to his unmarred cheek. 

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” You demand firmly, searching his eyes and any visible part of his body for signs of injury. “You’re okay now,” you whisper fiercely, feeling your heart tear at the sight of blood slipping from his face, over his jaw, and down his pale throat, of the panic in his usually unruffled expression. “We’re here now.” 

The Redeemer shakes his head, and the dagger clatters out of his fingers as he tugs at you and you crash into his chest. “You’re safe,” he mutters, but you can barely hear his voice over the hammering of his heartbeat against your ear, the blood rushing furiously through your head. 

You want nothing more than to stay in the warmth of his embrace, but you force yourself to push away and up. “You’ll be safe with Mingyu,” you promise, for the sake of yourself, if not for Wonwoo’s. You hear him call your name, a frantic howl of a noise, but rage pulses through your veins and it calls you back, back into the throng of the violence. 

You advance, cutting through the outbreak of invaders like stalks of grass with a scythe. The anger, the fear that Wonwoo could’ve been hurt even worse blinds and deafens you. You move ceaselessly, bending and crouching and lunging and slashing. You dip to slice at the heels of one man, shoot yourself up and twist to tear the throat of another. A constant rhythm that never lets up, just like the Kwons taught you to, because a motionless warrior is a corpse. This is what dancing must feel like. 

Just a bit up ahead, there’s another figure whirling and carving down the rest of the men with his twin blades. You take the moment to catch your breath, reel in the emotions that have gotten too unruly, fraying the edges of your minds and taking control of your body. In the middle of counting to a hundred, eyes squeezed shut, a gentle weight lands atop your head, grounding you. You don’t need to see to know that it’s Soonyoung, heat and the stench of iron nearly vibrating off of his body. 

“Wonwoo?” The First Blade prompts quietly, and you can still hear malice in his voice because no matter how much more control he has over himself, you and Soonyoung are cut from the same bloody cloth. While your rage consumes your entire body in a deafening inferno, his fury makes his world go silent, like he’s swimming in frigid, subzero waters. 

“We got to him just in time. I left him with Mingyu.” The words coming out of your throat sound like they’re coming from another person. They’re quiet, but the rest of your body is still so loud. Buzzing with the need to kill, kill, kill. 

A muted sigh escapes Soonyoung. He drops his hand from your head to your face, fingers brushing at a spot on your jaw that smarts at his touch. “Tigress. He’s safe. That’s all that matters for now,” the man mumbles gently. “Go see him. We’ll kill the rest of the Park bastards another day.”

His promise is not enough. Your body yearns for more bloodshed, here and now, but you force yourself to nod and let yourself be tugged away from this battlefield to the next. 

–

The physician pavilion has been wrecked, so there’s only one place that Mingyu could have taken Wonwoo. 

The speakeasy-turned-clinic welcomes you like a second home as you step into its dim warmth, followed closely by Soonyoung. Only once you pass the threshold into the main holding room and see for yourself that Mingyu and Wonwoo are truly alive and well, you let yourself go lax, shoulders sagging as the weight of the world releases you. 

Wonwoo sits on a barstool as the Sentinel hovers before him, stitching up his cheek with deft fingers. You’re so relieved that your knees threaten to buckle beneath you. There’s a moment when Wonwoo realizes your arrival and glances up, expression raw and melting with relief. You struggle to say something, anything, but your head swarms with loud thoughts of mine, mine, mine. It’s a bizarre feeling, wanting him so viscerally, when all your life, you’ve denied yourself. Distantly, you feel the stick of blood on your palms at the carnage you’ve just rendered, and guilt festers, reminding you of how undeserving you are of him. 

“Tigress.” The sound of Soonyoung’s nickname for you sounds foreign and clumsy on Wonwoo’s tongue, and it startles you into stumbling a few steps forward. 

You shake your head, no, as your feet crash into the stool Wonwoo sits on. Somewhere in your mind, you recognize that Mingyu’s arms come up around your shoulders to right your body as it careens forward, but all you can think is my name, my name, my name until the Redeemer calls you by your name and the infernal world around you finally hushes and settles. 

He got hurt because of you, because you didn’t get there on time, because you didn’t take Jeonghan’s whispers seriously at first. All because of your own shortcomings as a Blade. The thought unravels you. 

“I’m sorry.” The words spill faster than the tears do. “I’m sorry.” 

Wonwoo’s nose crinkles with concern. “What are you sorry for, princess? You saved my life.” 

You want to reach up, you want to hold him, but there’s so much blood on your hands. You’d only be tainting him. Like how you ruin everything else. 

You get knocked into the darkness, it rushes in and sucks you under like a tidal wave, and you don’t know how to swim out. 

“–ey. Hey.”

Another call of your given name. Still foreign after all this time. It rattles your entire being, and the words, barely formed and uncouth, fight their way off of your tongue clumsily. 

“I let you get hurt,” you despair, fingers clenching and unfurling around empty air. “I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough to protect you. I need to be perfect–” 

“Stop.” 

You flinch at the anger brimming in Wonwoo’s voice. It’s foreign in your ears, and you’re not sure that you like it very much. Unlike yours and Soonyoung’s, the Redeemer’s rage feels not like a weapon but more like a manacle. Your throat burns with the desire to free him from it, so you clamp your jaws shut obediently, swallowing down the rest of the venom. 

Wonwoo stands, knocking the stool backwards. The noise as it topples over and clatters through the floor returns you to the present, just enough for you to glance up and around the room, discovering that both Mingyu and Soonyoung’s presence have disappeared. You’re both relieved and anxious for it, unsure of what demons the privacy might lead you to bare next. The thought barely skims through your mind, before there’s a heat pressing into you. Confused, you look back forward, and it’s all Wonwoo. Wonwoo, clasping a hand to your cheek, the other settling heavy on your hip. Wonwoo, searing an inspection along the perimeter of your face, where you’re barely aware of a cut steadily weeping blood. Wonwoo, mumbling quietly, breath soft and warm and sweet against your mouth. 

“You’re hurt,” he says simply.

It’s everything and nothing all at once. It’s so trivial that you want to brush him off. It’s so profound that you want to wholly consume the moment, greedily swallowing it away for yourself. As you dither, Wonwoo makes the decision for you. 

He only tips his head back, lips brushing faintly against yours like a question, like a promise. 

Once offered, you have no mind to do anything but take, take, take, and you’re pressing forward desperately, wanting nothing but Wonwoo’s touch to be burnt into your skin like a brand. In response, a quiet whine escapes him, pitched high with delight. He reciprocates with a relentless fervor, mouth melded to yours, breathing fire down your throat. 

You swallow it eagerly. When your chest feels close to tearing apart from lack of air, you resentfully pull back for a moment to suck in a breath. In the lapse, the Redeemer smiles down at you, a gentle thumb sweeping over your face. 

“I don’t need a perfect you,” he professes, soft and earnest. “I have never expected perfection.” As you grasp for shallow breaths, you puzzle over his words, as his polite smile widens into blatant amusement. “You don’t remember, do you? I’ve seen you before, when we were children. Multiple times, in fact.” 

You frown. There’s nothing of Wonwoo in your faint recollections of your childhood, aside from the blurred images of his father. Try as you might, not a single picture of what he might have even looked like in boyhood exists in your head. After all, if he had been in your life back then, maybe your childhood wouldn’t have been as miserable as it was. 

As if he notices your dejection, the Redeemer soothes you with a chaste kiss against the forehead. “No matter,” he whispers delicately. “It was always from afar anyway, whenever my father had me tag along to the palace with him. I was too quiet and shy to say anything to you.” 

Despite yourself, you quip, “Even quieter than now?”

Wonwoo grins, “Hard to believe, isn’t it?” He continues a bit more seriously, brows drawn together, “You were younger than me, and the princess, but you always looked so unhappy. It was strange.” Shaking his head slightly, he corrects, “It was concerning.” 

“I was unhappy,” you concede, but you don’t want to think about it, at least not right now. There will come a time when you bare your whole heart to Wonwoo, you decide then and there. He will witness the deepest and ugliest parts of your soul, and you will leave it up to his judgment if he deems you worthy of saving, of his redemption. Until then, you think that you’ll have to make do with being less than perfect for him. To have him and to give yourself to him as you are. 

Wonwoo meets your gaze, knowingly, as if he understands your resolution and acknowledges it for himself as well. You smile, grow lax at the weight taken off of your chest finally, and lean in to kiss him again. Straining up to reach his height isn’t enough, despite the sharp angle that he crooks his neck at, so you urge him backwards, still clutched within his embrace, until the backs of his knees meet the edge of an armchair and you’re falling forward into him, into the seat. 

He huffs out a breath, as his fingers trail along your ribcage, hot, like flames licking along your skin. You hold yours, afraid that if you move or make a sound, the spell will break and the moment will shatter. It’s not enough, the slow, intentional sweep of his hands that hold you like fragile glass. 

“My mother grew flowers,” he pants into your mouth, words nearly going unnoticed by the haze in your head. “Kept flowers that grew in every season, every color of the rainbow. Raised her boys as she would her flowers, she would say.” Wonwoo’s murmurs rattle you to the core, and you wish that he had told you this when you were in a state to receive it more appreciatively. 

You press a palm against his chest firmly, wincing as you deny it when he dips his head back low to get closer. Working hard to reel in your ragged breaths, you hook a finger beneath his chin, lifting his face to examine it. His pupils grow wide, darkening his gaze, and you watch it happen curiously. 

Wonwoo rasps out a laugh, which sends your stomach tumbling, but you’re too far gone to care. You recognize it for what it is. He continues speaking in that quiet rumble of his, and all of your senses amplify, seeking out his voice and hanging on every word. 

“I was scared that I would grow weak,” he admits like he’s telling a secret, “Flowers are pretty, but delicate. I envied Soonyoung and Mingyu, who were raised as warriors.” Wonwoo smiles and brushes his knuckles against the bruise blooming across your jaw. “Of you, even. A princess who was brave enough to become a Blade.” 

You smile back, remorse bitter in the back of your mouth. “It’s not a proud thing, to be a weapon.” 

“It’s a beautiful thing, to be a protector.” He argues fiercely, and his gaze burns so intensely that you think you might believe him. 

–

Every passing day, every passing moment that you find yourself unable to tear your gaze away from Wonwoo, you think of your mother. You don’t glance at him because he prompts you to, you don’t pore over every shift of his expressions to gauge his emotions, you simply look for looking’s sake. The mere sight of him brings a calm that you never thought you would know in life. 

Your attention is wholly yours to have and to give as desired. Without even thinking to, you give your attention to Wonwoo, even when he doesn’t demand it, because your head and your heart are magnetized to him. You realize, slowly, begrudgingly at first, then rapidly all at once, that this is what love must be. 

You’ve always known that your parents never loved you. As a child, you had writhed and twisted and bent over backwards to get them to glance your way even for the slightest of seconds and see that you were smiling as angelically as you could to gain favor. You understand now that there would have been nothing that you could’ve done to receive their attention because there was no love in their heart for you. You know it but don’t think that you’ll ever comprehend it. Not when your concentration slips away from you so effortlessly, like sand through a sieve, and your thoughts scatter away from your mother to the Redeemer, merely a few feet across of you atop a barstool, head crooked into his book, fingers playing at the edges of the next page. 

Love. The word tingles on the tip of your tongue and your mouth waters at the taste of it. 

“You’re staring.” Wonwoo doesn’t move as he speaks, and for a moment, you wonder if you’ve imagined his velvet soft voice. 

Cheeks flaring hot at getting caught, you stubbornly turn your head away, looking at anything but him. 

You think that Wonwoo might love you, too. 

For when you can’t last longer than a few seconds staring at the wall and your gaze draws back to him inevitably, like a moth to a flame, his mirthful eyes are already on you, ready to receive your attention. 

[katakaluptastrophy]

“Lady Pent. Tell me about your childhood bedroom.” “It was the size of this sitting room, perhaps,” said Pent promptly. “Two beds with their heads against the far wall from the door. I liked to have my younger brother sleep in my room sometimes, when I was small. Primrose walls in paste-on flimsy, not wash—a pretty chroma of the Prince Undying, but a little cockeyed—a Vit-D panel in place of a window, with a repeated design on it. My grandfather’s arm bones over the door. A little reinforced table where I played at dolls or read, with a cubby beneath it where I was meant to crouch in case a zonal jet made it past the winnow. Phosphorescent stars painted on the ceiling, a peg on the wall for my gloves and robe. I haven’t thought of it in years. Why?” “Initial test,” said Harrowhark. “The flexibility of metaphysical solipsism aside, I have hardly any knowledge of the Fifth House and how its people live there. The more nonsensical your answer, the more likely you were to be a construction of my brain.”

There's just something terribly sad about the fact that what Harrow was so convinced would be utterly alien to her was...a sunshine coloured bedroom with glow in the dark stars on the ceiling where a little girl played dolls. An idea of childhood that Harrow, told she was a warcrime and raised as a penitent from almost infancy, never experienced.

[22ayla21]

Hello there! Hope you're doing well

He's been barely gone for one patch but im pulling a phainon and already missing my man Mydei, so I'd like to make a request for him! I literally can't get the thought of him being an older brother so I'd like to see anything Big brother Mydei related! I feel like he would be very protective if he had a child sister/brother, he'd probably be the softest towards them even if they were a little troublemaker no one can change my mind lol. Take your time!

A Blood Oath and Ashes

Torn apart by fate, they did not forget each other, and this memory made them stronger on their path to reunion.

In the dusty lore of Kremnos, weakness, especially in men, was rarely spoken of. Here, they were hardened from infancy. Here, tears meant readiness for death. Here, they forged not just warriors – they created weapons worthy of gods. But even in this harsh world, children were born whose dreams were of light, not blood.

Mydei and his younger sister came into the world in a family where darkness stood at the threshold, but their mother's heart radiated light.

Gorgo, a proud and mighty warrior, one of the strongest women of their people, dared to defy Evrepion – the ruler, her husband, a monster. He was the father of their children. And the one who cursed them.

Mydei would forever remember his mother's gentle gaze, as if she foresaw his great future. But even more vividly etched in his memory was how she held his younger sister close to her chest, wrapping her in a thin, wormwood-scented blanket, as if saying goodbye forever.

Their childhood ended on that fateful day. Evrepion... their father... threw Mydei into the River of Souls. Like a defective object, like unwanted garbage. And all because of a prophecy. If not for Gorgo's will, Midei would have long since become a forgotten echo.

But in that final battle, she didn't manage to save her son. So she saved her daughter. She snatched her from captivity, from a future worse than death, buying time for the girl to disappear.

Mydei survived. He crawled out of the River, wounded and broken, and began his journey.

Years passed. He grew older, growing up in solitude. Without his sister, without his mother, without warmth. Only memory, hatred, and duty. He became what he was meant to be: a weapon, cold and merciless. But beneath the steel armor of his soul, hope still smoldered: she was alive. She had to be alive.

And she was alive.

He found her when he had already stopped believing in fate. She stood in the arena, in armor that seemed inherited from their mother. Her movements were swift, and her gaze was like a mirror. In that gaze, he recognized himself. He recognized Gorgo.

She recognized him first. Not by scars, not by armor, not by the banner under which he now fought. She recognized him with her heart. And she rushed to him without fear, without tears – only with a cry:

"Brother!"

The world stood still.

Since then, they had not parted.

It wasn't easy for Mydei. He had forgotten how to be gentle. He had forgotten what care was. But by her side... everything changed. He learned anew – how to place his hand on her shoulder, not on a spear. How to cover her back – not because she was weaker, but because he had sworn she would never be alone again.

She was not defenseless. Like their mother, she could be a storm. But in his eyes, she was still that little girl who once clung to Gorgo, feeling warmth and safety.

He was strict with everyone. But never with her.

She could smash training armor, climb the fortress wall, pour water on the hated advisor in the middle of a meeting – and he looked at her like no one else. Holding back laughter, hiding warmth behind his usual sternness. But his gestures said everything:

"You are my meaning. My only remaining piece of the past. My future, for which I survived."

When she was injured during another training session, he himself washed her wounds in silence. And at night, thinking she was asleep, he would sit beside her and stroke her hair. Just like their mother used to do.

He didn't allow anyone to get too close to her – neither allies nor enemies. He respected her choices. But he never forgot: if anyone dared to raise a hand against her – he would destroy the whole world without hesitation.

One night, sitting by the fire, she asked:

"Do you think Mother would be proud of us?"

He was silent for a long time. Then he replied:

"She would say you have surpassed her."

The girl laughed, burying her face in his shoulder.

And he, for the first time in many years, allowed himself to hug her the way they did back in childhood, when they didn't yet know pain.

He swore to protect her. Always. And, if necessary, to burn the sky just so she would live.

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

ೇ be my baby― spencer reid .ᐟ

pairing .ᐟ spencer reid x plus size vampire!reader

summary | after centuries of isolation, your familiar forces you to finally leave the confines of you manor, and a nice surprise awaits you.

warnings | mentions of past vampire hunting, hints at isolation and depression, mentions of death, the reader is a REALLY old vampire so she kinda doesn't know how modern day romancing works, spencer is confused but kind of flattered.

wordcount | 1083

۶ৎ a/n .ᐟ | HIHI!!! this was an original idea that i refused to sit on, so it just came out of my brain as i went. there's some random vampire lore but honestly it's just vampire reader being smitten with loser reid sigh (please ask me about them).

— links .ᐟ masterlist | ao3

You don't really remember the last time you've talked to a human.

It was a chosen isolation of course, because the last time your kind had been out, you were hunted practically for sport. So, you weren't very enthusiastic to see the world.

That was hundreds of years ago, though, vampires had long been dismissed by new generations, so you could go out if you wanted to, and your familiar, Knox, was very hell-bent on reminding you.

Sure, you've been cooped up in your home in the woods for some time now, but you had everything that you needed. You had a good food supply (i.e., the wide selection of animals), your piano, and your cat. That was all you needed.

And yet somehow you found yourself sitting on a bench during broad daylight in a human park.

You were one of the few vampires left in your faction, so the sun wasn't a bother. Your skin would get mildly irritated, but that was it really.

Your abilities were all based on your age, you had grown out of the sensitive infancy that was being a newly sired vampire.

It helped that your place of seating was covered by a tree, though.

You nervously pet Knox who was sitting in your lap, his tail swishing lazily without a care in the world.

For a creature who served a nocturnal being, he sure was fond of the day time.

He basked in the way the sun hit his pitch black fur just right, the rays warming up parts of his skin that you could not.

You weren't very cold anymore, sometimes cool to the touch, but never freezing, like a dead body.

Your lips were pressed together in a thin line, and you were sure you didn't look very approachable, especially not in your all black get up.

You were attune with the times, of course. Trends were changing, there was technology now, and things weren't as hopeless as they were back then, but there were just some things that remained the same.

“You are too stiff.” Knox stated simply. “You look as if you are constipated. I took you out here to make friends, not to hide from them.”

To anyone, his words sounded like a meow, but to you, it was like nails on a chalkboard.

Your fingers paused their stroking, and he swatted at them, and you huffed, but yielded to his bratty yet silent demand.

“I have already told you, Knox. I am not interested in making friends with humans.” You swallowed the dryness that was in your throat.

For the first time in years you had been around human blood, and a lot of it, so it was a bit overwhelming. Not so much so where you felt like attacking, but there was an underlying sweetness in the air.

“It doesn't matter what you are or are not interested in. You are lonely. It is as simple as that.” He continues, “As your familiar, it is my job to help you.” He stretched. “So –” Knox finally settles again, “This is me helping.”

“I am sure it is.” You state with a roll of your eyes.

It wasn't like being here was bad per se, just different, unfamiliar. You were one of the very few immortals that feared the unknown.

Vampires always thought they had all the time in the world, and that had led them to their inevitable ends. You know yours will come one day, by your own hand, or someone else's.

“Look, if you don not wish to stay here, I will not force you; but we will be back again –”

Knoxs’ chirping fell on deaf ears as you smelled the most pungent thing in your life. You could practically taste it in your mouth, it was heavy on your tongue. Heavenly.

Your keen eyes instantly shot to your left where a lanky man was approaching you, albeit hesitantly.

“Excuse me, but could I sit here?” He gestured to the spot next to you, and you just blinked. You zeroed in on his pulse before shifting your gaze to the wood.

“Sure.”

Your reply was breathless, and he gave you a closed lip smile. It was… fastly endearing to say the least.

“The cat that brings bad luck.” You heard the handsome man say from beside you. You blink again.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your cat.” He motions down to Knox with a quick dip of his head. “Usually people associate black cats with bringing bad luck, though it's obviously just a superstition.”

He sounds awkward, and you could see the self-deprivation written all over his face, as though he knew he had said something wrong. You didn't like it.

“Are they now?” You hummed.

You looked down at an intrigued Knox, who was caught between watching you and the human.

“I suppose it makes sense.” You say with a small smile. You bring your nails up to scratch behind his ears. “He may not bring me bad luck, but he sure is a lot to deal with. Very chatty.”

Knox hisses and swats at your hand again.

The human looks alarmed by the action of your cat, and somewhat confused.

“Cats don't normally relax that fast after showing distress.” The human says, perplexed. “Strange. He must be a special cat.” There's the purring.

‘Egotistical’ You wanted to say.

“I…” He gulps. “What's your name?”

You finally force yourself to meet his gaze, and you are absolutely love struck.

He smells divine; he has the features and the intelligence to rival any of your ancestors before you.

You state your name. “You?”

“Dr. Spencer Reid – but… but you can just call me Spencer! The Dr is just a formality…” You cut off his rambling by accident, “You are just magnificent.”

Spencer chokes on his words.

“I - I’m sorry?”

“I said you are magnificent.” It has been a long time since you've been in the public eye, but this was how one made their intentions clear, no?

“I… thank you.” Spencer flushes a beautiful hue of red, and you can hear and smell the blood moving to his cheeks.

“Why of course.”

Things go quiet for a moment, maybe even a little bit awkward, but you were prepared for that. You were vaguely aware that wooing now was different to how it was back then.

“So, tell me more about these superstitions.”

Spencer visibly brightens up at that.

Maybe the human world wasn't so bad after all.

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[blackthornwren]

Why Wicca Matters

If you’ve seen me comment on any kind of witchblr discourse, you’ve likely seen me defend Initiatory Wicca, or you’ve seen me criticize others who tear down the tradition while not being a part of it, or examining their own practices and where they originated. There are specific reasons for my doing so, and I’m going to elaborate on those. First, let me preface by stating that I live in the United States and as a practitioner, I actually owe a lot to Wicca, as does anyone who considers themselves to be a witch or pagan or something adjacent while living in the United States.

So, Wicca began to truly gain ground in the 1950’s. Fear not, I know Gerald Gardner is no one’s cup of tea and I don’t intend to rehash the origin story of The Wica. However, let’s consider the time period.

The Witchcraft Act of 1735, passed by the Parliament of Great Britain, was not replaced until 1951 when the Fraudulent Mediums Act took its place. But until then, it was literally a crime for anyone to claim that they had magical powers or practiced witchcraft. From 1951 onward, the Fraudulent Mediums Act was instituted; making it no longer illegal to claim to be a magical practitioner, but illegal to claim it while attempting to make money from related services - with the provision that the buyer be informed that any services rendered by a magical practitioner were for entertainment purposes only.

Are you still with me? I love reading about old laws but they can be dry as hell for anyone who doesn’t have a special interest. And I’m not even going to touch on the 1950’s and what a fun time they were for anyone who was a little different, didn’t conform to the norms.

Now, let’s take this movement to the states. Wicca paved the way for the protection of paganism and witchcraft practices in the United States through the landmark case, Dettmer v. Landon. Not only did this case set the standard for officially recognizing Wicca as a religion in the United States, it also entitled pagans, witches, and others claiming under nature-based religions to the protections granted under the first amendment.

Because Dettmer v. Landon was centered around religious expression for a prison inmate, this trial also set a precedent for prisons acknowledging and ensuring that inmates were allowed to practice - not just for Wicca or witchcraft, but other non-mainstream religious traditions as well.

Furthermore, it wasn’t until 2007 that the pentacle was accepted as an emblem for US military headstones or grave markers. The groundwork for this all began with Patrick D. Stewart, a US service member who was also a Wiccan. Sgt. Stewart was killed in action in 2005, and the Department of Veteran’s Affairs initially refused to allow the pentacle to be marked on his headstone, despite his widow's best efforts. It was a combination of the cases of Stewart v. Nicholson, and Circle Sanctuary v. Nicholson, that won Wiccan military members the right to have their headstones marked with a pentacle.

Sure, that’s great for Wiccans, but not all witches are Wiccans - yes, yes, I know. Except, because of these cases, the US Military later added Mjolnir and the Awen as options for service members to mark on their graves.

I know, you may be thinking, “that’s nothing” or “that really hasn’t accomplished much” and that’s fair enough. But let’s consider that Wicca is a religion still in its infancy, not even a hundred years old (despite what old Gerald might say). This is a lot of movement in the United States for a religion that a growing demographic of Christians see as a direct threat to their own beliefs. In fact, it’s momentous.

Now, that’s not to say that there are no issues with this religion. My personal gripe with this is that criticism aimed at Wicca tends not to be about the current issues, but snapshots of things from 20 or more years prior. As I said before, this religion is young but evolving quickly - filled with members who can appreciate the past for what it was, but also learn from it and work to make the changes so that it isn’t just an outdated fertility cult. Wiccans are actively putting in the work in real time to make their religion and their covens inclusive and strip away appropriative and abusive behaviors propagated by the past.

Finally, after spending a decade on this site, it’s almost become part of the witchblr wheel of the year to hate on Wicca while, in the same breath, recommending authors like Gemma Gary, Nigel Pearson, Michael Howard, Andrew Chumbley, Robin Artisson, and Roy Bowers (Robert Cochrane). Authors who are known for saying that they’re writing of the “old” tradition, while giving their audience an awful lot of material that looks like basic Wiccan rituals. And of course, in studying these rituals, we can see the immediate influence of Crowley and other occultists of the time, as well as the Freemasons, and how their practices laid some of the foundation for Wicca.

[getonite]

(𝟎.𝟗𝐊+) 𝐌𝐒𝐆: (OH) I DON'T GET IT, YOUR THE ONLY THING THAT I LOVE

ayanokoji kiyotaka/fem,reader ; no prns r stated, however, through desc it feels like it was meant for fem readers, kissing, cringe confession, 'ask what it means + realization' trope, reader finessing a kiss from him, + me heavily projecting my aroaceness on him.

despite his percieved outward appearance and demeanor, ayanokoji's mind is quite different. he has some semblance of the ability to feel, though he can't outwardly express it. he doesn't and has never craved human warmth or affection since his infancy.

its unnecessary, there's simply no place for it in his life. though, there are times where he wishes he could feel what others do, where he could smile like others do.

though no one has ever prompted him to start that journey. not kushida, not horikita, not even karuizawa. he wonders if he'll forever remain behind the doors of those polished white walls. that is until he feels the warmth of your hand on his arm.

those dehumanizing walls of class where he was observed like a lab rat remain fresh in his head.

reminders that his father would do anything to get his most successful product back in his grasp.

though when you give him that sweet dimpled smile he pushes it to the back of his head. never forgetting, though still on the forefront of his mind.

when you stand on the tips of your toes to reach his height, releasing him that cute little giggle. he can't help but give in . . . just a little. after all, how could he stand on his word when the person he's against is too pretty.

despite how intelligent he is, he can't seem to pick up that he feels diffrent towards you.

the reality of differential feelings towards others was a bit foreign. even when he stepped into the social atmosphere of high school, his view didn't quite change. no matter the girl, no matter the boy, he felt the same.

until you whispered the nickname you made up for him. “kiyoookoji!” in your cute tone, you dragged out the beginning of his name, to end it with the end of his last name. he finds it a bit cute? that you've crafted a nickname for him.

one only you are allowed to use.

nothing changed until you ( forcibly ), dragged him to your dorm and happily explained the anime he had missed out on during his previous 16 years.

kiyotaka ayanokoji hadn't quite realized how he felt, despite the way he leaned in closer to hear you better. despite when his eyes immediately snap to your form. despite the wave of warmth he felt when you hugged his arm, cheek pressed to his shoulder as you look up at him with those pretty doe eyes.

“kiyoooo-o!” you smile and drag his name out per usual. your body is tilted towards his as you lean on the rail of the cruise balcony.

it was another island exam, not very surprising.

though the luxury, the beautiful seas, and the atmosphere is something you could never get over. “hm?”

“whatcha thinkin’ bout?” you smirk and lean in, “im guessing that's your thinking face considering ive never seen you frown like that . . . or ever” normally, people would smile at your teasing, though in his mind he wants to, his lips don't move.

“can i ask you something?”

“course, what is it?”

“. . . i think im feeling something, towards someone.”

“oh?” intrigue fills you, “do tell.”

“. . . something about them is different. i feel different when im near them, like im letting my guard down instinctually. i want them.”

you hum, a finger playfully tapping against your chin. “diffrent? how?”

“like . . . i feel warm around them. they grab my attention whenever they walk in. and i like listening to them. no matter how ridiculous it sounds. i just think it's—i feel different around them. and i don't know if i want it to stop . . . i think i do?”

ayanokoji's eyes drift to you. his eyebrow raises slightly. “what?”

“kiyo,” you smile, “you've developed a crush. normal people get that all the time.”

“huh,” he mumbles.

“care to tell me who's caught your eye? i wanna know what your type is,” you tease and lean towards him.

ayanokoji feels a sense of amusement at your actions. he takes a breath before looking at you, his eyes locked on yours. “your smart, i think you already know the answer to that question,” he whispers.

your lips twitch into a smile, “cute.”

you hum and stand up straight, taking steps to be right in front of him. “would you care to test my theory?” you smirk, mischief in those pretty eyes he loves to drown in.

“and how would we do that?”

“kiss,” you whisper and stand on the tips of your toes, your lips hovering over his. you feel his breath against your lips and you lock eyes with him once more. “care to tr—”

before you can finish your words, his hand finds purchase on your hip and he presses his lips to yours. his eyes flutter closed as he takes in the feeling he gets from you. your voice, your smile, your touches.

after a moment he breaks away, his hand lingering on your hip. his eyes open and looks into your eyes, not uttering a word.

. . .

“wellllll, was i right?”

he presses his lips to yours once again, holding you a bit closer this time. you chuckle and cup the side of his face. you break away, only for him to lean in for another.

“hey you,” you whisper, causing him to pause, “that's a lot of kissing for someone who isn't my boyfriend.”

ayanokoji's lips twitch at your words, “then would you date me?”

a hum leaves your lips. your eyes travel to his, your thumb running along his bottom lip. a smile grows on your face. “since you asked so nicely, yes.”