#Practice Kindness

[hammondpubliclibrary]

[femme-dor]

We’re all going through our own stress, why make it someone else’s problem?

[beenjen]

Last fall, I had an experience at a grocery store check out. I bring my own bags, sack up my own goods, also though, I’m usually by myself and have to unload my wares onto the conveyor belt. I was unloading onto the conveyor belt, and the cashier, started mumbling under her breath, about me thinking she had all day, good grief was I taking a nap, on and on.

It had been a struggle of a morning. I had been up at my parents all weekend, it was Monday and I had just dropped both kids and elected to get to the grocery and home, and maybe get to take a bath or even go to a yoga class. I was emotionally friable, very mentally and physically exhausted. So I turned to her, said excuse me, and when she looked up, our eyes met. I could see her frustration, and I said to her, ‘I’ve had a rough morning myself. It’s going to take me a minute to get these unloaded, and then I will bag. Please cut me a little slack it’s not been a great couple weeks and I could use some kindness.’

I couldn’t BELIEVE that came out of my mouth. I’m not that person who just lays it out like that. I wasn’t being confrontational, just, ‘hey ma’am, lady to lady here, I’m having a rough patch in my life, think we could not be snarky with each other?’ The more amazing thing, was that I could tell she wanted to say something nasty, she didn’t though. She just slowed down the scanning, I caught up, went to bag and get the buggy loaded once more, and we finished the transaction in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, just quiet. The beep beep of each scanned item, the sound of the conveyor, other store noises.

She totaled the transaction, and when I went to leave after paying, she said to me, that nothing would be put on me that I couldn’t handle. Wished me well.

It was a pivotal moment for me, in which I realized that everyone is just like me. Struggling. They don’t deserve me being short with them because I am not having a great go. I’ve made an effort since, to be a little more honest and open with people around me, and also more understanding and accepting without judgement. I’ve noticed friendships blossom and a peace in my mind.

I share other hard times here too, so in no way am I saying be nice and all the good stuff comes back at you, or that since that vulnerability I’ve been free and clear, because it’s not that.

It’s the question, what would happen, if we all acknowledged that our lives aren’t perfect either? That we all have fears, and if we spoke them aloud and asked for what we needed instead of lashing out, where could we be?

Food for thought xx

[raffaellopalandri]

Just practice kindness

[island-in-the-shadows]

the patron saint of kindness

🥹🥹🥹

Thank you!

"The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind. Especially when we don't know what's going on." - Waymond Wang, Everything Everywhere All At Once

[sealsdaily]

Today's Seal Is: Bucket Boy

[raemcdaniel-author]

New podcast Episode!

See it here:

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[blondie-drawings]

KISS! THAT! ANDROID!

[aliosne]

Saw a post about working class butches in physical labour jobs and wanted to make my own, so: I love you butches who do childcare or early education. I love you butch nurses. I love you butch house cleaners and janitorial staff. I love you service industry butches. I love you butches who do sex work. I love you working class butches who do “feminine” jobs you are cool as hell

[buppkizz]

engie birthday pt 2...a gift from spy

[heartorbit]

holy quintet looks kind of different

[kate-bot]

a few more little pizza animations!!! they're a little rough around the edges but they were a lot of fun to make!!

[jajanvm-imbi]

My two favorite anarchists 🥰🥰

[wise-and-witty-words]

“If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” 

– Zig Ziglar

[pseudokap]

back at it again with more transfem arthur bennett. Have a good day

also happy suckening saturday