#Process-Orientation
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I love the idea of Machete healing some unresolved stuff about himself because he realizes the things he resented about himself when he was younger are traits that Ear has but because he loves Ear it helps him to realize those traits aren't inherently unlovable. Do you think Machete or Vasco would be helicopter parents?
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#yes I absolutely agree#parenthood would be something that could prompt him to re-evaluate and process his self-image in a constructive way#it's common and ordinary thing for people to experience but it also enables tremendous character growth#and I like the idea of someone like him#who doesn't come across as family oriented person and doesn't see himself as fit to raise a child#subverting expectations and doing really solid job as a parent#also in the original setting his personal life is kind of devoid of living things if that makes sense#he has his books and papers and collections of commissioned art but he doesn't cultivate anything that grows#that's why it'd be nice if in the modern au they had something to take care of#a pet or even some cherished houseplants would be a good start if they don't want to commit to an entire Ear#answered#anonymous#they would actively try to avoid acting too much like helicopter parents but the results would vary#modern au#kid named Ear
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the fact that me, as a fan of both lando and oscar without any bias (maybe a bit on lando but not that much), is going to witness both "oscar fans, lando antis" and "lando fans, oscar antis" posts all in my one dash 🥲🥲
also the fact that atp i couldn't even bother enough with this same situation on both lewis and george. now it happens on lando and oscar as well which got me like....


#landoscar#lando norris#oscar piastri#f1#maybe i need to admit atp rn that#this sport is just not built for a person like me istg 🙂🙂#like....i miss the moments 2 years ago where what i only care the most is only football and football only#and couldn't even give a fuck more about guys being in circles vroom vroom#i mean thank god that there's a bayern match just now right after the race ended#which really liften my mood up and distract myself a bit from intimidating discourse and whatsoever#hmmmm ngl maybe the fact that being a football football fan in general especially in this website really brings a comfort in me#meanwhile for f1...idk why but everything about it (especially during race and after race) really overwhelms me a lot seriously speaking#maybe the fact that football is more team oriented sport#meanwhile f1 is more individual oriented despite there are teams consists of 2 individuals#and the fact that me supporting multiple individuals in a one same team despite that f1 is individual oriented sport#kinda gets me digging my own grave atp tbh#i mean when i said individual oriented sport...it kinda means that in a perspective of most of the f1 fans#and now seeing all every kinds of discourse on my dash really makes me overwhelming a lot i'm ngl#that the fact that i couldn't able to curate my own preference for this f1blr space on my dash 🥲🥲🥲#goddddd srsly tho i just want to turn back time where i only cares about bayern frankfurt and germany nt only ffs 🫠🫠🫠🫠#but yeah who am i to turn around the past 🙃🙃...and plus that once i'm getting into one hyperfixation there's no turning back at all for me#so yeah#goddddd i'm so sorry but i'm just being so fucking messy rn#like all the things that i see on my dash really exhausts my brain and my thought process forreal i really need to throw up forreal srsly :(
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I don’t like when people ask how many books you plan to read/have read this year one because I think that’s a weird relationship to have to books and two because I think even reading a chapter or a portion of something is valuable. this is especially true with non-fiction but even with fiction I think any amount you read, even if you don’t read the entire thing, is not a failure or ‘incomplete’
#I read basically exclusively non fiction and every page I read is beneficial like I’m always learning something#like my relationship to reading is often extractive and utilitarian because of school and research#but that extractive process doesn’t require reading the whole text like 99.9% of the time#I’ve only read a third of Orientalism for example but like I have a good grasp of Said’s core arguments and concepts#and like part of how I finished authoritarian personality (a 1000 page book) was by skipping & skimming sections#like the whole is not always more valuable than its components#and also like ‘I read this book to complete it’ is not an insincere way to engage with a text but I feel like it’s limiting#if that’s your primary approach to reading. Like you read a book just to say you read it#& also more petty but I think that if your argument or thesis only works if people read 100% of your book then you’re doing a poor job#of getting your point across#again obviously it’s valuable to read and process whole complete texts not dismissing that but like#I don’t find a lot of inherent value in reading a book just to complete it u know
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Soulless!sam comes from the dead and the first favor he's doing to sam is kill dean and sam gets disorientedly worried about dean bc of it all.. that's peak






#the spn novels cooked sometimes#im just sucking off any s!s crumbs#i love the idea that he hated dean/if stayed around long enough should've tried to kill him#simply bc he's a threat to s!s and also he's sam's fatal flaw or what bring him down most#so in a way he's looking out for sam by eliminating dean but also for himself bc long as dean is around sam'd be forced to the fore#soulless!sam should've been explored more esp his innerworkings he didn't do things for the sake of doing he was meticulous#and so goal-oriented he kinda saw nothing else#now force that materialistic rationalized training to grapple with spiritual irrational gravitating#ofc he'd struggle#im still insane about that one scenario i wrote where its a thought process he might have had#watching dean sleep one of those endless nights#and how his thoughts go from indifference to raw curiosity to lab rat studying to strategic dwelling that turns to unadulterated hatred#anyway spn-tin in aka books#samdean#spn#soulless!sam#sam winchester
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waiting

#anthro#anthro art#fursona#furryart#furry#furries#cars#cat#cats of l#cat furry#cat fursona#oriental cat#digital art#artwork#art#my art#art study#art process
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I have the general rule that I just, don't let myself give a shit about other people's dumbass opinions but I have one pet peeve that I just. Can Not let go of. and it's posts that go
How to write [Minority Group]!
Step 1: Make sure all your characters are exactly like me the op, or are exactly what I like to see in media.
Aside: Anything else is impossible, unrealistic, bigoted and you'll go to hell forever.
Step 2: They also have to use the exact language I do to describe themselves btw, no matter the time period or setting. See the above aside for further explanation.
Step 3: you should never ever even think about the actual mechanics of what makes a trope problematic in its impact in the real world. J ust memorize this list of things that should be banned in all fiction (for being problematic because I don't like them/someone else I agree with said they should be banned)
Step 4: Nuances in identity don't exist <3
#this is specifically about the number of how to write acearos posts that dont recognize people can have motives outside their orientation.#or that demiromantics/demisexuals exist#They are also always Really particular about how its unrealistic for aro characters to be anything other than disgusted by romance#Hi im an ace aro who fucks often and adores romance#as like a genre and form of social performance#I like sex because I like attention thats socially simple and doesn't require the upkeep of a relationship#I like romance because im a human person who doesn't think every story has to be about me to be interesting.#I like new experiences and seeing the world from other perspectives i like the pagentry of dates andnthe aesthetics of love.#Whether im loveless or not is an ongoing question because my ability to process my own emotions is zilch.#Maybe im incapable of love (the chemialcal reaction) but still chose to love (the social contract)#its not unrealistic for people tobe different from you#it just Frustrates me to no end when folk try to define anyone who shares their lable but arnt like them out of existence.
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#strongly considering taking a gap year off school.#I discovered during orientation that my program is waaaay more intense than they let on during the application process#for instance unpaid fieldwork during the final semester or two that literally does not allow you to work even part time#I cannot afford this. I am trying to move out while making minimum wage and paying for school.#so taking a step back from courses to reevaluate and work and save seems like the correct move#but I haven't quite hit send on that email yet so prayers appreciated#I've been thinking about this all week and praying. don't want to rush into a bad decision but I really don't see what else to do#also please pray for a good living situation#I am possibly looking at a room in a house later this week#really need to move out ASAP and so I can't afford to be picky at all#but again I don't want to rush into a bad situation#so yeah lots of prayers appreciated!#feeling very low about all these circumstances at the moment but also trying to remember that this might end up being better than the plan#I had originally#maybe it'll be exciting to move out before I feel ready! but right now it's just scary.#college chronicles#diary
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Silmarils, grief and hope.
We all know grief is a big theme and all that, and related to Tolkien's life. But. The Silmarils.
Long chaotic post about "wanting the Silmarils is related to having unprocessed grief" and "the Silmarils are hope, but Not Like That".
(I'm not sure how many there are for whom it makes a difference, but I assume it's a non-zero amount: sort of Morgoth-pov at the very end which may be emotionally intense. For convenience, it's separated with a picture. The rest is much more calm, I think. Just chaotic and may have autocorrect errors.)
Why do so many people (allegedly) want them more than it would make sense, even if they aren't cursed?
So many events on the story of those jewels are related to grief. Feanor makes them after his mother does and he cannot process his feelings properly (which is not his fault; where would he learn to process them? But it is a thing.)
Then he loses them when his father dies and really wants them back, swears the oath. Then he does and his sons swear the oath again, and of course they don't process their grief properly either.
Oh and I forgot, before that, the Valar. They lose the Trees and want them back. Interestingly, it's not Manwe (the king) who is most focused on getting the Silmarils for that, nor Varda (most associated with them), but Yavanna (sure, it was her trees, but also she's the most loss-avoiding Vala, she misses each tree that is being cut) and Tulkas (lowest emotional intelligence of all proper Valar). Again, the perceived need to get the Silmarils is where there's some unprocessed grief, and most intense in those Valar who would have the hardest time processing it.
(and Aule! He actively advocates for granite keeping it. But I'm sure the "my best Maia joined Morgoth, I'm constantly bullied, my wife doesn't like me, and I am never a jerk despite it all" guy is pretty good at processing his negative feelings.)
(Also, how the sun and moon are made? The fruit grow when Nienna cries, and it is Nienna, she is processing the grief in a proper, healthy way. And it... It solves the problem (lack of light) for which the Silmarils were "necessary". Sure, the moon and sun are lesser, not as beautiful... But there's a theme there. Namely, the third of them. 🙂 Things change. You can't fix anything important by going Ctrl+Z on it. You have to go forward, not backwards.)
The Silmarils are the feeling of hope (see: reactions to Gil-Estel, and it's very name) they are a promise that it all will be good. They are a good thing, but to an untrained eye the promise seems much more immediate, much more like something that can be done here and now.
If I only had them, all would be fine.
And they are not this, Nienna would know, I'm pretty sure Varda knew too when she blessed them (she may have not realized how others see it). They are just a reminder of something unsaid. Estel, not amdir. (It's a little funny to me how this means "looking up" but it's not for this post)
Anyway, the Silmarils. Thingol who realizes he'll lose his daughter (doesn't know how much he would lose her, but a sad marriage to a diet Man is enough, also a kid growing up can be a grief in itself. Or maybe it is because she will be mortal, maybe he suffers from what @dfwbwfbbwfbwf called "pre-traumatic stress disorder"). And a Silmaril is the only thing that could let him through the pain of losing his daughter.
And then he carries it, of course he does, if he let it go he would have to face his pain. He dies and Luthien wears the jewel, then after her death - Dior. A chain of deaths and losses and a beautiful gem.
It is too much for their half-mortal eyes, too much hope to be able to let go of it even if they had a reason.
And Maedhros starts demanding it after Unnumbered Tears (unnumbered, unprocessed, unhealed), which sure, has also a more political/reasonable explanation (he's out of other options), but also, it's a lot of grief.
And it goes into a chain of deaths.
Melian never cared about the Silmaril (she cared about it as a problem, but not about having it). Beren gave it up easily. Earendil have it to the Valar (they have it back later).
The dwarves... There are two things here. One is generational trauma of "the sindar hunted our ancestors for sport"+general racism. The other is that dwarves generally have more need of hope I think... Elves are reborn, Men are said to go somewhere beautiful and mysterious, and the Dwarves??? It's very uncertain.
And at the end it is Makalaure "singing apology songs which doesn't make me less of a murderer, just a hypocrite, but at least helps me process my traumas" Kanafinwe who throws the hope away because someone else would make a better use of it probably, and goes on to live through his darkness.
It's so hard to face your pain and start looking not only at hope for you, but at hope for the others. And sometimes what the world needs to have more hope, is you facing your pain.
I can't find a clear name for what the Silmarils are/mean in this... Something close to hope, but also something you must let go of to process your grief... It's inherently good, but can be overused... I'm sure there's something fitting, I just can't find it.
And the "Feanor will break the Silmarils" thing? For the trees? Seriously? No. He will break then because he will learn to live without them, to live with his pain. He breaks then because they aren't relevant anymore. (Who said that about fulfilled hope not being called hope anymore? My favorite "I can write more weird and more enigmatic stuff that you, but it makes waaay more actual sense than your posts anyway" guy?) He breaks them, but it's not necessary, it's just natural.
(but also tbh they do look a little like seeds so idk why not have new trees, they are kinda cool... well my perception of them looking like seeds is based mostly on "need to break" anyway... My thinking goes in atypical ways)

And there's Morgoth. Oh of course there's Morgoth. The dark Vala who couldn't (wouldn't) process his feelings even if they came with a manual. (He's an Ainu. They very likely initially came with a manual. But he thought he knew better)
He wants to steal hope and blacken it, and destroy it, right?
So... He feeds the Silmarils to Ungoliant? Tries to break them? Hides them far away?
No.
He wears them on his face, even if it hurts terribly. It hurts like dying. This is how clinging to your ego defences feels like. "the pain demands to be felt", to quote my favorite psychology YouTuber writing someone else. If you don't face it, it will still burn. If you run away from it, it will still be there. If you cling to the "I am not sad, everything is fine, it's great", it will burn your face.
But anything else would mean admitting there's a problem. Admitting that they burn would mean admitting that he was wrong. That his pain is there, and also it's not purely (not mostly tbh) others' fault, that he's not the victim in here.
What pain?
Well if you want my opinion, it's funny that it was Finwe who guarded the Silmarils. Finwë who favored his older, more temperamental, more brilliant son and made him the crown prince. Finwë who never told Feanor to sit down and cut his BS. Finwë who everyone says it's such a great father. So if everyone says that, it is rational to expect such behavior, right? It's valid to be angry about being treated in a different way? It must be. Anything else would mean that he was wrong.
It's better to burn.
#silm#silmarillion#tolkien legendarium#the silm#the silmarillion#feanor#silmarils#melkor#morgoth#many other characters mentioned but I'm not going to tag them all#too much reading about cbt leaves me using its language#it could probably be rewritten in a more tolkienian language?#instead of “process your emotions this process your emotions that”#but it's the same idea essentially just different words#different focus too#“cognitive” means it's oriented at change of thinking so...#sorry for this being so chaotic#i feel there's a theme in there but I can't write a good essay for it#maybe i will have a post.2.0 on this it sometimes happens#and then they all lose them#except Earendil who have it away and got it back because he doesn't care fire it for his own sake he's being a star for everyone#and it's good that they do lose them#that's the only way to start healing#also: “the Everlasting Darkness” being how Feanor sees grief?#it would make sense#chaotic posts
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#currently in usps orientation these are all based on real experiences folks#usps#polls#hyperspecific poll#Massachusetts#because this is hyperspecofic to the MA onboarding process#moth speaks
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Brain keeps going in circles but the longer I think about it the more I'm convinced that there isn't a single NuWho Doctor that wouldn't despise Shuuichi on sight. And that's because they're a horrible horrible hypocrite (I love them sm)
#I'm hardly a Nine connoisseur but the Time War is so fresh for him that I can't imagine him reacting well to someone like Shuuichi#Who makes it look so easy to dismiss your own failures#Ten is perched on his high horse and refuses to get down from there#Idk if he'd be better or worse than Nine abt it. I vote worse#Eleven..... Oh boy. He *acts* like everything is fine but on the inside he's probably lowkey seething at the sight of this man#Who mirrors him in a way but at the same time seems to think and behave as if the past wasn't a big deal actually#Twelve might turn out to be the absolute worst match-up now that I think about it. Too many similarities. Too little care shown by Shuuichi#That is not a good man. What does that make him? Altho in hindsight idk if it's better that Shuuichi doesn't behave like Danny Pink. Perhaps#Thirteen.. Girl I need to watch your run so I can study you like a bug. However if she follows the pattern she wouldn't like Shuuichi either#Fourteen.... Just bc he's starting to heal doesn't mean he'd take it well#And Fifteen... Ncuti my king I'm so sorry for the character butchering. You did your best with what you had#In my heart tho I know he wouldn't like Shuuichi very much either. He'd find compassion in himself for the guy I'm sure#But Shuuichi is such a compartmentalization king that I'm afraid the Doctor's speeches wouldn't do much at all.#He's too goal oriented to stop and think to maybe process shit. He has things to do! And if he's got to shoot shit for it he will!! Bye!!!#atlas.exe#akai shuichi#dcmk
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I love working at an art gallery :]
#still going through orientation but today i did a lot of organizing around the gallery and planning#and we get to work on our art at the gallery though i didnt bring anything today#but the other artist i was working with brought her felt sculptures and i got to see her process of making#truly amazing#i love art#ramblings
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Get your pussy up,,,,,,, get your money up,,,,,,
#I got a job offer 🥳#I have to go through the whole orientation and background processes but I can get started in (hopefully) few weeks#there’s a chance I may have to wait for the next orientation seminar in June which is fine by me either way#I’m gonna make double what I earned at my old job holy shit
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favorite word?
Tough choice, I have many favourite words!
Since I forgot most of my fave english words, is it fine if I tell you my favourite words from my native tongue?
#Im so glad you sent an ask!#Its so long that anyone sent like an ask ask!#Thank you!!!#Also your blog looks very cute#Also also I would ofc explain meanings and pronounciations duh#And and! I might think of my fave english words in the process!#I know you are english oriented blog but... is it fine?
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i s2g if my childhood geology special interest leads to me guessing a major 2.1 plot twist,
#I’M JUST SAYING. i’m just saying. aventurine is often used as a cheaper substitute for jade. because they look similar when processed#what if. the reverse? hm? jade as a substitute for aventurine? hmm????#the cornerstone from the bag was also slightly faceted AND since i trust the devs to be detail-oriented—#aventurine gemstones are pretty much always smooth and rounded#so!! i’m just saying!!!! being a rock nerd might be making me freak out a lil bit!!!!!!#medi plays star rail
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im still wondering why ryuzaki decided to make gnosis a whooping crane
#you would think hed be a red crowned because those are more snow oriented birds whose range is in asia#the only guess i have is due to how historically fragile whooping cranes have been to the point of almost extinction#im just so curious what his thought process was for gnosis' design specifically
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I've heard that people's affinity towards intelligence as in Sapiosexuality.
But being attracted to kindness and benevolence should also be a thing.
As far as I can remember, I recall seeing attractive people but feeling a growing sense of discomfort around them if their behavior was rude.
On the contrary, otherwise plain-looking people suddenly become so much more attractive if they display the tendency to be pleasant and charming.
Isn't it?
I'm fairly certain that it's a well-established fact because I've read about it in books about sociology and behavioral sciences.
If it already is an orientation, Can someone please tell me! 😬
#writeblr#writing#writers on tumblr#writer problems#writing process#writerblr#writing prompt#writers community#fantasy#writing ideas#writing stuff#sexuality#orientation
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