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bisexualcroissant · 4 months ago

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thinking about jeremy hitting rock bottom his freshman year, losing so much in one disastrous night, the repercussions of which would continue to haunt him for years. thinking about jeremy spiralling so bad cody said they “really thought we were going to lose him for a while there.” cat saying the right therapist can be “life changing”, using jeremy as an example. thinking about how bad jeremy’s crash out must have been, understandably; thinking about his family continuing to blame him for noah’s death—from the coldness of annalise, to the outright antagonism of bryson, to joshua ignoring him for years. the wilshires doing everything in their power to cover up what happened at the banquet rather than lending an ounce of support to a boy who had lost his brother in terrible circumstances, because jeremy was there, because it was so much easier to blame him for all of it. coldblooded, if you ask me. jeremy needed help, not damage control.

thinking about jeremy having probably the worst year of his life, having the opposite of emotional support from his family, and still somehow coming out of it a better person. thinking of all the work he put in to be better and succeeding—i’d rather die than ever be that person again. believe me. despite the hostility of his family system, despite being blamed for the fallout, despite the guilt and heartbreak that “nearly destroyed him”. still jeremy managed to build a new life for himself out of the wreckage, going so far as to be captain of the trojans, with a team who respect and admire him. still he managed to come out of it with such a capacity for kindness and goodness and lifting the people around him up.

thinking about jeremy continuing to be the human embodiment of sunshine despite living in such a cold home that was never forgiving or warm to him. jeremy knox, you will always be loved by me.

#jeremy knox #the golden raven #the golden raven spoilers #aftg #i have so much to say about this boy. like on the one hand his family's connections def helped & he was protected in many ways #yet at the same time any support in the EMOTIONAL sense which he really would have needed was so deeply lacking #like it wasn't even a neutral thing where they were just neglectful & all obviously grieving. no – they all actively blamed him & still do #and instead of offering any support whatsoever jeremy was sent off to rehab to grieve and get through it by himself #and you can see how he still blames himself for it. he's still doing everything to help his family #while they treat him like a waste of space & yeah it makes so sad and frustrated!!!! but yeah.#cody's line talking to jean stopped me cold like FUCK. i can't even imagine how bad it must've been to warrant that comment #anyway…jeremy knox i love u.#all for the game #tgr spoilers #tgr

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ronanlynchusurper · 2 months ago

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I'm not saying that I'd love to hear your thoughts on Adam's relationship with his sexuality but actually that's exactly what I'm saying please share I think about it *all the time*

(don't have to no pressure but please consider this an open invitation 🙏)

hello hi yes! i would love to tell you my thoughts on this! first off, i love your character analysis posts so i am lil nervous sharing this haha but i would also love to know your thoughts on this topic too because i actually really struggled to put all my thoughts together like you do!

also disclaimer this turned into me just pointing at info from the books (or how i remember them at least) and going 'i think he knew he was bi the whole time and was toeing the line of being open about it" more than anything haha but yes eee i’m excited ok! also sorry it ended up so long there is a TL,DR to sum my rambling up so no pressure to read it all!

so firstly, i think it's interesting that we never (to my memory) see any 'discovery' or 'acceptance' journey for adam in regards to his sexuality like we do for other canonically queer characters. we see ronan's journey to acceptance and how he struggled with that and we also see kavinsky acting in a way that is a response to his sexuality discovery whether he accepts it or not. and while these kind of narratives aren't applicable to all queer people or characters I find it very curious that someone of adam's upbringing wouldn't have had atleast SOME struggles in relation to sexuality upon discovery. He has grown up with a father who is likely homophobic and racist and has been working blue collar jobs amongst men who in many cases typically have similar ideologies about masculinity etc since he was very young and its early 2010s in a small town. (im australian so i dont know tonnes about which areas are conservative in america but i got the vibe based on some comments in the books that henrietta wasn't super welcoming to minorities). adam makes some racist 'jokes' in the later books which implies to me that he still has residual prejudices from the way he has grown up, therefore you would think he would have similiar things to say about sexuality etc but he never does. this makes me assume he was either aware of his sexuality long before the raven boys starts and had come to terms with it a while ago or we just don’t see that aspect of his journey on page (which if thats the case thats a whole other thing to discuss). Also he clocks ronan as gay in book 1 with his 'thats the biggest lie youve ever told' comment and adam is too aware and analytical of himself and others to not be aware of his own attractions if he noticed ronan's. i also see this moment and when he jokes about piper not being ronans type in book 3 (? maybe 4?) as kind of an 'i see you' type of thing, like this is the type of shit i would say to queer friends im out to.

theres also moments when they are in school that imply people think he is gay, which on my first read i thought was typical boarding school boy behaviour of calling other guys gay as an insult or a jibe. BUT on my second read i noticed that the comment although still meant insultingly, is more a statement about thinking he's gay than anything else and although adam doesn't like tad (who its implied makes the comment) he doesn't seem particularly phased by the comment and when tad actually comes over to (in my opinion) flirt with him, rather than poke fun at him it kind of solidifies that. ALSO there are much easier and more obvious ways for them to make snide comments at adam, for example his financial situation. AND adam is a fairly masculine character although described as 'pretty' and skinny on different occasions, so it makes me wonder if the leap to him being queer must've been prompted by him either being open or not actively hiding it rather than stereotypes being projected onto him.

also ronan is sitting right next to him and doesn't seem phased at all by this discussion of adam sexuality, not to say that i think he would stand up and say something because he and adam don't ever need to fight each others battles but i think he would look atleast a little bit annoyed at the insinuation if he thought it wasn't true. (or maybe he’s just used to aglionby bullshit who knows)

which also brings me to the fact that ronan never claims that he thinks adam is straight. ronan doesn't say either way what he thinks adam identifies as BUT pretty quickly after ronan acknowledges his feelings for adam, he starts doing some overtly romantic gestures such as the mixtape, moments at the barns, the lotion etc. that's not to say i think he has done these things because he is expecting anything in return in fact i think ronan shows his love through actions & gestures whether he wants to or not and part of the reason adam accepts it is because he’s one of the few who doesn’t expect anything back, but these are still very deliberately romantic actions. ronan is very careful when in comes to relationships and i think he would feel very vulnerable putting those feelings out there without atleast a little bit of knowledge about adam’s sexuality especially when they are close friends its not a risk you want to take without precaution. most of his uncertainty about what is happening between them seems to be about whether adam likes him, not about whether adam likes boys.

that leads me to adam's thoughts about men (mainly ronan when he first starts noticing the shift in ronan's feeling towards him and his own attraction to ronan). there are moments when adam openly admires men and their appearances, the most obvious being gansey and greenmantle, but again adam doesn't seem to have any shame or surprise or confusion about those thoughts. its similiar when he comes to terms with his feelings about ronan. although some of adams thoughts about his feelings can be interpreted as confusion about his feelings towards a boy, his thoughts are more focused on if his feelings are actually love or not. its his first real experience of love and he also has concerns about if his want is strong enough to act on especially because he knows ronan is serious about it. the thoughts never focus on concerns of about being attracted to a boy or the risks of that (except for saying he knows ronan is the hardest option, which goes beyond him being a boy and seems to also be about ronans powers etc). also im mentioning the comment that adam had been starving longer,that comment alone is a whole other thing too get into but i definitely think is speaks to adam's relationship with his sexuality and love, touch and being known and how deprived he has been for so long.

I think for me the bit that surprised me the most about his relationship with his sexuality when first reading, was that him and ronan appear to be quite open about their relationship post trk as robert makes a comment about him driving his boyfriends car. whether or not him and ronan are officially out as boyfriends or just hanging out so closely to the point that a rumour has spread, it's more than likely they actively made that choice.

i think i found this pleasantly surprising when i first read it because until this point adam has been conscious of trying to fit in with the other aglionby boys e.g. making sure his clothes look neat and well taken care of, paying his own way, hiding his accent etc. he resents them for all the ways they are different when they talk about their holidays and money etc and the reason he makes the sacrifice to cabeswater is so he feels equal to gansey (i know he grows from this but still).

when looking at the basic traits of adam its easy to assume he would want to be the type of character to hide his relationship or atleast not be open about it as a way to protect his options and make life easier for himself where he can, because of how hard he has struggled,and so its interesting that he then actively chooses to 'alienate' himself (in some perspectives) further from the other boys at aglionby. as someone who is constantly considering his actions in regard to his future and just having the personality he has, he definitely would've considered the cons of being out at aglionby and how that could effect his opportunities, e.g. at this point in the story all we know about what he wants for the future is the fact that networking with republicans at a gansey event would be helpful, being queer and poor wouldn't be easy to navigate in those spaces and still thought it was more important to be open in his relationship.

he is also a character that values having control over how he is perceived and being openly queer or even just being publicly in a relationship in general has so many elements you cannot control e.g. what other people say and think about you based on your partner of choice, how the scrutiny or openness can effect said relationship etc. this makes me think he would want to hold it closely to his chest to protect it and yet he defies that.

anyway i struggle to explain in words what im getting at ig but i just love that he deviates from character stereotypes that he would have some similiar traits with in that regard. he knows how treasured his connection with ronan is and considers it a privilege to be loved by him and wants to show that to the world regardless of the uncertainty. it becomes increasingly obvious especially in dreamer trilogy that despite his hard work for career and education based goals there isn't much he wouldn't sacrifice or atleast compromise for ronan, which is potentially unhealthy but idc they are codependent and its fine fight me on it.

i think i also find his relationship with his sexuality interesting because it’s easy to read him as a character who cares for his relationship and accepts being queer without actively seeking out the queer community, so adam going to harvard and lying about everything in his life except his sexuality and relationship with ronan is quite telling of his relationship with being queer, especially because he then seeks out whats implied to be an openly all queer friend group when he could've gone and befriended anyone and made himself into anyone. he finds his relationship so important to who he is and his life that instead of hiding it he wanted to exist and be amongst people who understood that, even if he wouldn’t let them understand anything else about him.

i just love him so so much i feel this hasn't really explained my thoughts whatsoever i've just rambled about parts of the book but yeah i just think its really intriguing how he approaches his sexuality so much differently to how he approaches everything else ig.

TL, DR

adam's relationship with his sexuality is fascinating because it doesn’t follow the typical 'realisation → internal struggle → acceptance' arc even though his upbringing points to this a reasonable arc for him. he seems like he’s already accepted his queerness before the raven cycle even starts, and it’s one of the only things in his life he doesn’t overanalyse, repress, or try to change. he’s a character focused on control, appearances, and social mobility, yet when it comes to being queer and loving ronan, he’s surprisingly open. it’s like queerness and his romantic love is one of the few parts of himself he feels certain about. instead of hiding it, he protects and celebrates it. and that choice is quiet interesting for someone who’s worked so hard to be palatable to the world and be successful by society's standards

#i am so sorry yall i basically wrote an essay #this is too fuckin long im sorry #also I don’t even know if I agree with myself half the time so take everything I say with a grain of salt #i just love adam parrish so much #also if any of this reads as me projecting it probably is lmao #talking about adam parrish is my love language #adam parrish #the raven cycle #trc

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