#Representation Learning

[fatphobiabusters]

I still get angry when I think about how I didn't know I had asthma until my 20s because I was taught I was automatically unhealthy so that was just my lot in life. That fat people just couldn't breathe well so I was stuck like that. My friends didn't have asthma growing up and tv only showed severe symptoms of an asthma attack and only through thin people. Fat people always struggled to breathe "because fat"- they never had explanations. Just randomly being unable to get enough air to talk based on how hot and humid it was my punishment.

I only realized it when an asthmatic friend offered me her inhaler during an episode that no this is manageable.

And then I got into fat liberation and realized that even if it was directly caused by my weight that doesn't mean I deserved to suffer. Inhalers exist.

I just can't get over the bullshit they teach us. That suffering is the only way a fat person can exist. And if we don't have people around us to argue otherwise we of course accept it.

-mod squirrel

[inks-scraps]

Guy Gardner doodle board I've been adding to infrequently every time I get home from work! This man lives in my head rent free. (I've tried evicting him but he refuses to leave.)

Also John's here because I like him too 👍

[bennetsbonnet]

Much has been made of Mr Darcy's "confession" to Elizabeth that he does not converse easily with strangers. It is repeatedly used to support neurodivergent interpretations of his character. And I suppose that when taken at face value, a character confessing that they do not easily converse with strangers and struggle to catch their tone or appear interested in conversation can absolutely scream AUTISM! (I say as an autistic person myself)

But this line is often taken in isolation. When considered in terms of the passage in which it appears in Chapter 31, it appears far less of a smoking gun than may initially be suspected. After some discussion about Elizabeth and Darcy's prior acquaintance in Hertfordshire, Colonel Fitzwilliam asks Elizabeth for information about Darcy's behaviour there. She readily supplies it:

'Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,' cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.' 'You shall hear then—but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball—and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.' 'I had not at that time the honour of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.'

What Darcy leaves out here is that it was he himself who chose not to be introduced to anybody. As we learn from the description of his behaviour at the Meryton assembly in Chapter 3:

Mr Darcy danced only once with Mrs Hurst and once with Miss Bingley, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening in walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party.

Anyway, Elizabeth correctly does not buy his excuses. Not only does she respond with a cutting sarcastic remark, but she tries to bring the discussion with an end by speaking to Colonel Fitzwilliam:

'True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball-room. Well, Colonel Fitzwilliam, what do I play next? My fingers wait your orders.'

But Darcy does not get the hint and continues conversing with Elizabeth rather than quitting while he's ahead. However, I don't believe him to be missing a social cue here. Rather, this is an exceedingly conceited man who cannot conceive that anyone would not want to speak to such a Superior Being as he and more-so, is determined to defend himself from a perceived slight against his impeccable character.

Then we come to the passage containing the oft-cited line which allegedly contains proof of his neurodivergency:

'Perhaps,' said Darcy, 'I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers.' 'Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?' said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?' 'I can answer your question,' said Fitzwilliam, 'without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.'

Once again, Elizabeth does not buy his excuse for even a single second. She's fully aware of all the advantages a man such as he will have received in society (opportunities not open to women, might I add!) and draws attention to that fact. It's a brilliant, cutting line from her and she really set that one up for Colonel Fitzwilliam to deliver the knockout blow.

Not only do we have the testimony of Mr Darcy's cousin, that 'he will not give himself the trouble,' to appear cordial to strangers, but we have evidence from Wickham too. Although after this statement, Wickham quickly goes onto misrepresent Darcy's kindness to the poor, which contradicts Mrs Reynold's later testimony, I do believe Wickham to be telling the truth (for once!) here, when he tells Elizabeth in Chapter 16:

'Mr Darcy can please where he chooses. He does not want abilities. He can be a conversible companion if he thinks it worth his while.'

Which, again, demonstrates that Darcy is capable when he wants to be. That is the crucial point. Autistic people fundamentally lack the ability to understand social cues, they cannot turn it on and off as they please because they are snobs.

So, now we come to the infamous line about Darcy's supposed social struggles, and I hope that I've provided enough context to the line to make you see that it should not be taken at face value:

'I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,' said Darcy, 'of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.' 'My fingers,' said Elizabeth, 'do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.'

Again, Elizabeth is not buying his excuses for even a single second and tells him if he feels like that, maybe he should put the effort in. She has seen him in numerous social settings and been thoroughly unimpressed with his behaviour which, when you consider his rudeness to her at the Meryton assembly, she has every right to be.

So, what do I make of the line?

Well, I think it's abundantly clear that Darcy absolutely can speak to people when he wants to. Perhaps, in his mind, he struggles to make that deeper connection and make friends easily. But making friends is not always easy, it's a process you must invest time and effort into. If you do not do that, it stands to reason that you will struggle. Plus, if you hold others to ridiculous standards (as Darcy does) without recognising and fixing the flaws within yourself, you're not going to have deep, lasting friendships.

While this quote may appear to be a moment of vulnerability where he does confess a fault of his, which is astounding given his pride, personally I do not think it was not a soul-searching exercise. It was to make Elizabeth stop grilling him. It was self-serving. Although, I don't think he's entirely lying. Darcy is veeeery careful with his words and though this statement is not considered and perhaps comes out rather abruptly, it doesn't necessarily follow that it isn't true. I can imagine that it is probably something he's felt for a while, yet it is a rather desperate attempt to defend himself from a woman who sees right through him.

I think perhaps Darcy does realise that he isn't as naturally gifted as other men he knows (such as Wickham, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr Bingley) when it comes to forming acquaintances. However, he looks outwards and turns that bitterness against the world rather than looking inwards, reflecting upon himself and improving his manners which would be the correct thing to do. Thankfully, he later does this, but it took him twenty eight years...

In addition, Darcy appeared to have been under the illusion that he could coast by on Pemberley's reputation... which has always worked... until he met Elizabeth. For perhaps the first time, he encounters a woman who is not awestruck by him and his reputation and delivers the rebuke that he always needed.

So, while personally I'm inclined to believe there is some truth to his statement, as Mr Darcy is many things but he isn't a liar, I think it is said in desperation. His feeling stems from him knowing what he should do, but he can't be bothered to enact it... rather than any inherent social deficiency stemming from being neurodivergent.

Although, even if he does struggle socially, it's still no excuse for the rudeness he displayed to Elizabeth! My main issue with neurodivergent readings of Darcy is when they are deployed to defend his behaviour, when they attribute his rudeness to any potential neurodivergency and when they excuse his laziness. That is an awful message! Autistic people who struggle with social cues often do not, nor should they, go around insulting others. They should and often do put plenty of effort into being considerate and polite. In fact, I think, if anything, a love of rules makes us more likely to have good manners, rather than the reverse.

Ultimately, I'm not sure this line makes Mr Darcy the sympathetic-poor-sweet-innocent-shy-boy-autistic-representation that people want him to be. In fact it makes him look even worse, if anything. On matters such as these, he is every inch the conceited proud man he was widely believed to be at the Meryton assembly. Luckily, Elizabeth is an incredibly smart woman, who doesn't fall for it and immediately calls him out on his behaviour in a way that he has never experienced before. As she should!

[therealstacyfakename]

I’m thinking about Morgan’s manicures again. Like she knows who simplynailogical is trust and believe

And with her financial situation there’s no way she’s got a nail tech doing this, so she’s an ARTIST (they’re probably press ons but don’t talk to me rn this is the fantasy)

Nail art & chrome polish like these are the nails I want in the workplace. Obsessed with this diva

[koipudding]

jing yuan would laugh, and you wish he could age so you can see the crows feet near his eyes when you call him 老公 (laogong->husband.)

he’ll poke your cheeks and his heart gets all mushy if Yanqing calls him 爸爸 (baba->dad).

oh domestic jing yuan save me.

(he’ll call you qīn ái ->親愛->dearest; just to be silly :3)

one day i’ll write a fic where jing yuan uses chinese endearments for reader.

low-key wanna do one for dh too…

[tiedsh0es]

Cob's 'solution' to his robots consistently defecting is to create MephoneX. A robot completely void of personality.

A robot that acts more as a puppet than anything else. Instead of completing orders like every other Mephone it has to be controlled by someone else. It doesn't even follow Cob's until it is ordered to do so.

And I'm not entirely sure if it's intentional, or a slip of the writer's but knowing that makes MephoneX saving Cob's without being given an order to do so much more interesting.

Cob's legacy, his final attempt at making life that solely conforms to him and not their own desires-- failed in a way?? After all that MephoneX still decides on his own to save him. That was it's own choice... Its very first act of free will and it saves its creator...

[lonichedgehog]

To a successful premiere to Lazarus!

[spooksicl-e]

new year, old john watson doodles^^

[boimlerkisser]

Uhm uh uh...I have no excuse for this 😔 PPG self insert who is secretly an alien! I imagine her intro episode would have her having a little romance with the professor when he comes into a bookstore she works at/owns and the girls being (rightfully, given the prof's dating history) suspicious of her. Wacky capers ensue where they try to prove that she's up to no good, only to find that she genuinely is just chilling and wants to live a normal life on earth!

Well, normal as she can, now that she knows this family! I think she'd fit right in 😉

Taglist♡: @crushes-georg @changeling-selfship @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @squips-ship @cherry-bomb-ships @miutonium

[chanelle-lize]

I used to have a really hard time bringing up the fact that I graduated from high school a year late without feeling the need to explain why and insisting that it wasn't my fault while simultaneously kicking myself for how much I sounded like I was just making excuses for something I should take responsibility for.

Then I watched Dimension 20's "The Seven" and suddenly I could simply say that I was a super senior.

The first time I heard the phrase "super senior" was in reference to Antiope Jones, a Black girl who had been held back a year after getting kidnapped and imprisoned by members of a fundamentalist cult, and like, girl, same.

So, since then, instead of anxiously spinning out any time I tried to tell a personal high school anecdote, I could just say I was a super senior, and then my brain would auto complete that statement with "like Antiope Jones" and I'd feel good about myself because Antiope Jones Is That Bitch.

That's what the problem had been the whole time. I wasn't worried about how other people would perceive me; I had been struggling with how I perceived myself.

Thanks, Aabria.

[philosophybits]

To think of language as a picture of the world — a set of representations which philosophy needs to exhibit as standing in some sort of nonintentional relation to what they represent — is not useful in explaining how language is learned or understood.

Richard Rorty, Philosophy and the Mirror of Nature

[subbykittyboythoughts]

Sorry can't be horny too busy playing DOOM mods after myhouse.pk3 got updated

[i-love-to-draw1]

*Falls on my face [finished finals for the semester] crawls*

I did Chap 6-8

Computer is still in shop, hahaha *sobbing*

Anyways Pencil sketches of LP still *throws*

Chap 6 n 7

The fact Megatron didn't like get it made me cackle. Like xjdbdb [but mood I didn't know a friend was dating another friend of mine back in high-school n I was like HUH!? ok then *thumbs up in confusion*]

THEY ARE SO CUTE AAAA

I was trying out a style for shockwave but I didn't like it. So back to simple style again haha.

But shdh So long jshdb I was grinning so wide when I first read it back then rereading made smile in fondness

Jdbdbd THEY ARE ADORABLE UR HONOR

Part 2 bc I hit my limit sighs

[aceofspades42]

Todays hot take:

I want clichés represented with queer characters that arent like twink and top

Like give me a stereotypical mean girl with a girlfriend

Give me a t4t quarterback and his cheer captain girlfriend

Give me an outcastXsocial butterfly qpr

Give me a conflicted main character in a lovetriangle turned polycule

Give me an ace "chosen one"

Give me a nb prom court

Give me a queer coming of age story that's a little cliché because cliché stories can be fun too

Does this make any sense or is it time for me to head to bed?

[dkettchen]

trying out memrise bc duolingo's korean course has been annoying me, and omg the videos, the videos are so fucking funny

[gayofthefae]

The tragedy of season 4 Mike Wheeler's arc and the difference between being trapped in a loveless relationship you just feel something is vaguely missing in and being trapped in a loveless relationship you know is loveless but you've locked yourself into.

His arc isn't to taking action. That was a hopeful myth he gave himself as he figured out what he really wanted. His arc was just to learning he was settling. At least when he didn't know, that was the reason he couldn't do anything about it; there was still a fantasy that someday he could fix it.

But now he knows he's queer and he knows he can't get over it but he also knows he can't be it either.

The queer experience of being closeted and not even wishing you were straight, but wishing you still thought you were, not because you don't want your queerness but because...what can you do with it? What difference does it make?