#SO LATE IM SORRY HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

[aeirithgainsborough]

YELLOWJACKETS WEEK DAY 7 ➙ free choice then ➙ now (96' timeline)

[redrumridinghood]

I've got a bun in the oven

Vincent gives you a rose

[legaciesgifworld]

Happy birthday, Lizzie Forbes!

[bluejaybytes]

@snowshinobi Hiiiii :3 I'm responding to your tags on a new post and not the original since the original was already somewhat lengthy, and I plan on being LONG and RAMBLY, but I have sooo many thoughts on what you said and I'm going to say them. Also my browser crashed TWICE (TWO TIMES. 2) when trying to write this post so I'm really fighting for my life out here to get my silly little OC posts done. Also it's under the cut because it's looooong as hell LMAO

Firstly, you're so nice to me forever <3 Secondly, I think you've basically hit the nail on the head. The majority of the issues Maggie has coming back from death and her 9 years gone are really tied almost exclusively to her close family, because she... never really had anyone else. While in-universe it's only 9 years, realistically the jump in technology and culture is around ~20-30 years (Maggie died in the 90s/early 2000s essentially, and wakes up in a just barely futuristic city), but... the most jarring thing to her in terms of what she missed out on is just. Flipphones are no longer popular. Other than her family, she's only close with one other person... who just so happens to be a ghost, and therefore both 1. Wouldn't change much over the timespan due to how long she's been a ghost and 2. Unlike her family, was aware that something happened, since she could see the ghost-of-a-ghost Maggie left behind (The ghosts name is Opal, she positions herself as a sort of "guardian angel" figure, though she's not actually, and serves as just another parental figure for Maggie while also getting after the ghosts that constantly harass her to pass on messages to the living). Maggie has no real relationships outside of her family, and while her relationships with her family are massively impacted by her unknowing death, other than that... the timeskip itself doesn't weigh on her because she had no one regardless. Her struggle to adjust to everything thats happened would've happened regardless of the timeskip for her, because she was such an isolated shut-in that it's the same whether it happened the next day, or nearly a full decade later

So another very interesting thing is that you've actually completely seen where I was going with everything, in spite of everything I said being very surface level and not actually delving into the plot at all. I completely skimmed over Jenna (She's very important to the plot, but she's by in large a regular person as opposed to Maggie's... everything), but for some additional context, Jenna has a horrendously shitty homelife, so her moving in with Maggie is both a gradual process (It goes from spending time there, to spending nights, to eventually just never going back home and moving in fully), and also serves as an escape for her. Part of that is also, so vitally, the food aspect. For some additional additional context, souls essentially serve as a persons lifeforce, practically every bodily function is improved by a soul that's stronger, though the "strength" of a soul is essentially entirely random, and not dependent on the individuals actions of any kind. Maggie had a generally weird soul before (Seeing ghosts inherently means she has to have something going on with her soul), but when she wakes up after her death, her soul is now even weirder, and part of that is that it essentially lets her get away with bad habits she absolutely should be seeing more consequences for. She barely eats, and when she does, it's basically exclusively crackers and whatever other safe foods she has around the house, because actually making food is a level of care and effort she just... doesn't give to herself in the slightest. Part of Jenna staying with her is that Jenna, without really discussing it, entirely takes up the mantle of caretaker of the apartment, with the biggest task being food prep, Jenna sees Maggie's unwillingness to take care of herself and silently steps up and starts making her actual meals so she's eating properly.

The problem is is that this also kinda... just straight up sucks? Jenna doesn't think much of it, it's something that needed to be done so she's doing it, she wants Maggie to be well fed even if she won't do it herself, and she's already been responsible for making all of her own meals for years prior anyways, so it's just another thing she does. Except that's shitty! Maggie's seen firsthand how terrible her homelife is, and it really weighs on her how even in her escape from that, Jenna's still being put in a position where she feels like she must care for her or else she just won't eat properly. So food is such a massively important thing to both of them, it's this symbol of love for both of them, it's love on the part of Jenna, for stepping in and taking care of Maggie when she can't do it herself, and it's love on the part of Maggie, for realizing how her own bad habits impact the people she cares about and wanting to lift that weight by taking care of herself better. It's also very vital for Maggie because she just... doesn't... have hobbies. Learning how to cook becomes really her only hobby and she puts all of her love and care into it, because for the first time in a long while she's actually passionate about something! ...Unfortunately she also is very very bad at it. She's inventing new dishes like "Burnt Salad" and "Please Help I Fucked Up Kraft Mac N Cheese" and still having to have Jenna come in and help her. But it's the thought that counts, and it'll only be a matter of time before she can make something vaguely edible.

And finally, the stuff about names! I didn't post it here, but while idly talking about her in a Discord server I'm in, I definitely think that had I made Maggie like even a few months later than I would've done she would've been nonbinary. As it stands right now though, I'm saying she's probably some form of genderweird but too busy trying not to die to think about it <3 Growing up knowing that ghosts are real and routinely being shut down by authority figures in her life about it has made her very aware of how bullshit a lot of things are and how the people who claim to be knowledgeable tend to not know what they're talking about (Beyond just the "people don't think ghosts are real", she's also got ghosts willing to tell her when people are lying because they've got nothing better to do than just gossip) , so if she spent even just a moment thinking about gender as a social construct she'd instantly recognize that and probably take up some form of genderweird label, but as it stands she's just too stressed with Being The Protagonist to think about that

Now, the thing with Margaret. I'm not even going to lie to you, I think you made a better connection to how a name connects with community in terms of the narrative themes than I did. The thing with Margaret denying the name "Maggie" existed for two reasons, the in-universe explanation is that, with the little scrap of soul Margaret has leftover from Maggie, it's essentially working overtime just to keep her vitals working, it can't dedicate time and energy to making her an individual with preferences and a personality, so part of that is that she doesn't respond to "Maggie" because ultimately, that is not her name. Her name is Margaret and she's not going to respond to "Maggie" because "Maggie" isn't her name. Of course, out of universe the reasoning is that I wanted an easy way to distinguish between Maggie as she is the protagonist, and the version of her that lived in the years she was gone, so different names makes the most sense.

I think your connection to how name relates to community genuinely works on a level I hadn't fully pieced together myself yet and I really love that because I think that absolutely works with everything. One of the main conflicts of the plot is how Maggie is entirely disconnected from her family thanks to the years she was gone, with Margaret having no priorities beyond "survive", she basically never spoke with her parents or brother for years. While her family tried to reach out to her repeatedly (Especially given that, while they're unaware the truth of what happened the night Maggie was murdered, they do know something happened, and they believe that whatever it was severely traumatized her, and that's where the sudden and drastic shift in personality came from), there's a point where they just... gave up. She wasn't trying to talk with them or contact them in the slightest, so around a year or two after Margaret moved out, her parents gave up on her. Her brother would still be there a bit, but he also didn't really... try... anymore.

When Maggie wakes up, she tries to call her parents... and they don't pick up. They'd grown resentful over the years, and now that Maggie wants to talk to them, they don't forgive her for the years of not speaking to them, and aren't interested in whatever she has to say after nearly a decade of trying to reconnect with her and being met with nothing. It's her insistence that she wants to be called Maggie that actually gets her brother to realize she's telling the truth and that something happened. She shows up at his door, already something that Margaret wouldn't have done, and that combined with her being visibly upset when he calls her Margaret and tells him that's not her and that she's Maggie, it signals to him that whatever's going on is real (...though he would've figured this out eventually, given that she also literally 17 again and not in her mid-20s, and has a giant glowing stab wound in her chest). I think it works absolutely perfectly as being a symbol of community, her disconnect from her community is what led to her being called Margaret, and her desperation to be returned to that community is when she's Maggie again. So uh. Congrats on getting the themes of my OCs better than I did <3

And uhhhh closing thoughts! I honestly did still skim over the majority of the plot (Literally never even mentioned Eli or what's going on with her stab wound </3), but I think you reeeeally hit the nail on the head with everything I'm kinda getting at with these OCs, which is... frankly wild given how little main plot I actually got at. Basically everything I mentioned in my original post was the setup, not the main plot. But waaaaugh thank you for being so niceys to me and also giving me another excuse to ramble endlessly <3

[coffeewithcocoa]

HIIIIIII OK SO HERE I AM, I wanna ask if maybe you could write like angel x male reader (trans or not up to you) where the reader comforts him maybe after a hard day of work or smthng? My boy needs love and affection😭💗

HERE YOU GO! 🫡

YES ANGEL NEEDS LOVE AND CARE!! I threw a mental breakdown in here:)

Comforting An Angel

Angel Dust x Male Reader

I put male, hope that’s okay!

Summary: You give him comfort after a hard day of work.

(Look at the precious Ange)

——————————————————————

You were waiting in your lovely boyfriend’s, Angel Dusts, room for his return. He told you that he was going to come back late since Valentino wanted to shoot some more stuff with him. Which you understood but you still felt bad for him, especially since his boss is a creep.

You hated Valentino with all your guts. You hated him so much that you would sell your soul so Angel didn’t have to deal with him. He’s told you countless of times though that everything’s fine and that he’s fine, which didn’t make you feel better at all.

After some time of just zoning out and playing with Angels pig, fat nuggets, you got a text from him saying that he just got back and he’s heading to his room. Though you didn’t want to wait anymore so you hopped out of his bed, grabbed Fat Nuggets, and ran straight to the stairs.

Fat nugget oinked at you. “I’m not slowing down!” You told him as if he could talk. When you got halfway there you saw Angel with a liquor bottle in his hand and a tired expression on his face. Your face turned soft as you approached him, letting fat nuggets go and surprise him.

A small gasp left him as he went on his knees and had Nuggs just into his arms. “Awh hi my fat nuggets! How was your day with your other daddy, huh?” His went to a baby voice making you chuckle.

“How was your day Angel?” You gave him a smile. He sighed, grabbing the liquor bottle and standing up. “Stressful.” Your face changed to a softer one, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go to your room and you can talk about it, okay?” He nodded with a weak smile.

The walk back to his room felt quicker when he was actually with you. You opened his room door for him just as a kind act for him. He took a seat on his bed, placing Fat Nuggets In front of him. The liquor bottle being placed on his nightstand.

You took a seat in front of Fat Nuggets, petting him as you looked at Angel. “Could we maybe…cuddle?” He moved his legs so they were to his chest. You nodded, “Of course.” You grabbed Fat Nuggets carefully and sat closer to Angel.

He moved himself so he could easily grab you. Fat Nuggets was in the middle of you guys. “What did Val do this time?” Your voice came out stern.

“He’s into this water boardin’ shit now. He says it’s a kink..” He shrugs, his attention mostly towards Fat Nuggets. “So he’s been drowning you all day?” You rose an eyebrow at him. He nodded, “he gave me some breaks..only around a few seconds.” He tried defending Valentino.

Angel had told you the shit that he does behind closed doors away from the public. It sickens you. “Why’d you sign the contract?” You looked up at him, him doing the same to you. “‘Cause before then I loved him.” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Oh Angel.” Tears flooded his eyes, quickly spilling out as he hugged Fat nuggets tightly. You moved behind him so you could lay on his bed. He moved his head to the crook of your neck.

You hugged him towards your body. “I wish I hadn’t signed that fuckin’ contract.” Angel said between sobs. “I know, it’s okay..shhh.” You gently rubbed his back, giving him kisses on his forehead.

A few minutes later the sobs stopped. You moved yourself back to see his sleeping face. He was hugging a sleeping Fat Nuggets that was in between the both of you. You chuckled as you kissed his damp cheek, “Have a nice rest love.”

With that you closed your eyes and fell asleep with a smile on your face.

———————————————————————

ITS A BIT RUSHED AT THE END IM SORRY😭 Hope you like it though.

Who else hates Valentino?:D

•Have a nice day/night!•

[bgomtori]

☆ consume - c.bg

synopsis - you have a major exam coming up, after realising that you've been neglecting your health, beomgyu decides to step in.

-> beomgyu x reader

-> established relationship, high school au!

-> warnings! yn kinda starves herself and beats herself up for not remembering anything :( , pressure from studies, mental breakdowns and burnouts. yn is kind off a studies>you typa girl.

-> note! im having a big exam coming up soon, 'm extremely anxious.. so i kinda wanna write this to relieve somw stress :)

pressure, high standards, academic validation, from your parents, teachers and even yourself were taking a toll on you. staying coped up in your room for weeks, drowning yourself in revision notes, study guides, and past year papers. one may think that you were insane for being able to sit by your desk for such long hours, you thought the same too, but anything for your parents to tell you that they were proud of your achievements, anything to make yourself satisfied with yourself.

hours of cramming notes, and self study was definitely not easy. you'd often find yourself placing your phone under your pillow, preventing yourself from getting distracted by any notification from your friends or boyfriend. it wasn't any better, you'd often skip meals, your parents were usually out till late into the night, making it easier for you since no one forced you out of the room to eat. of course you'd take showers, make yourself refreshed before continuing your long study sessions, snacking on a few energy bars and drinks to pull all nighters to finish a chapter or subject. it was definitely not healthy, but this was like a routine for you when the year end exams were nearing.

you wouldn't be surprised if you arrived at school to see a panicked beomgyu standing by your lockers, glancing at his phone every now and then, wondering why you haven't replied to his calls or texts, he had a brief idea why, but he needed confirmation. you greeted him as per usual, your signature bright smile appearing on your lips, yet why does your eyes still look so tired? beomgyu's face was perplexed, were you staying up again.

"why haven't you replied my messages or calls yn?" beomgyu raised his eyebrows, you looked at him in confusion, switching on your phone to see 38 messages and 7 missed calls from beomgyu. you chuckled, wiping your sweaty palms against your shirt.

"i kinda turned off my phone, and placed it under my pillow so i wouldn't get distracted.. sorry." you apologised, feeling guilty, all beomgyu did was want to care for you, yet you're placing your studies over him. beomgyu sighed, combing his hair through his slender fingers, "i'm just worried for you yn.." his pout made you giggle, your hand patting beomgyu's squishy cheeks in reassurance, "i'll be alright."

"oh right, i'm staying back after school, one on one session with my teacher so you don't need to wait for me 'kay?" you informed, interlocking your arm to beomgyu's as you walked down the crowded hallway. beomgyu hummed in response to you, giving you a chaste kiss on your lips. "i'll see you in your classroom later." beomgyu bidded you goodbye, leaving you to make your way to your seat. scrolling on your phone, you read the messages your friends sent you, replying to all of them, apologising for worrying them so much.

"yn!" hanni called out, dragging a seat towards your desk, the scratchy sound against the floor tiles made you flinch in disgust. "what is it hanni." you replied, freezing at the sudden physical contact of her hugging you like a koala.

"you're not burning the midnight oil again right." hanni grumbled, removing herself from your shoulders. you shook your head, in hopes that she'd believe you. "lies! i know you all too well yn, this month is where you constantly shove your face in textbooks and study guides!" hanni basically shouted for the whole class to hear. you had to quickly shut her up by cupping your hand around her mouth.

"fine, you got me, but it's not like i'll die.." you whispered out the last part, making her gasp dramatically. you shushed her again, placing your index finger on your lips. "you need to take care of yourself yn, i don't want to see a repeat of last year ever again!" hanni nagged, similar to your mother, folding her arms as well. you felt yourself laugh nervously, you knew that you were slowly crawling back into the dark hole that you always find yourself in whenever the final exam season was soon.

classes went by slowly, you found yourself zoning out, bopping your head due to fatigue, you should have bought an energy drink during lunch earlier. after what seemed like hours, you last class was over, students from your class immediately left once the teacher dismissed them, you stayed put, waiting for everyone to leave while you slowly walked towards your teacher.

"sorry for troubling you ms lee.. but i really want to do well this year." you bowed, taking a seat infront of her. she shook her head, "you're fine yn, i can see that you're putting in the effort, that's what i'm proud of." you felt yourself grow speechless, the few words that you've been wanting to hear from your parents came out of your teacher's mouth instead. you didn't know what to do or say, you gave her a quick smile before you two started your little tutoring session.

"you're doing just fine my dear, you'll do just as well for the upcoming end-of-years." ms lee patted your shoulder, ushering you towards the classroom door. you bowed, bidding her goodbye. a sudden wave of negative thoughts started crashing over you, why? you didn't want to grow attached to a teacher that gave you the care and concern your parents should have given, along with the thoughts of you wanting to do extremely well for ms lee, for yourself, and even your parents even if it did nothing. you just didn't want anyone to be disappointed in you. you plugged in your earphones to cancel out your overpowering thoughts, blasting your shared playlist with beomgyu.

ynn ★: i just ended, going home rn..

ynn ★: wyd?

gyu :> : taking a break from revision, kinda lazy today

gyu :> : it's getting late, go home safely mkay? i love you

ynn ★: i love you too gyu :)

he was so sweet to you, you didn't deserve this especially how you were treating him. you prioritised your studies over him, hence not giving him the same amount of attention. you unlocked your front door, immediately heading into your room to start work. you showered, did your facial routine, and turned on your nightlamp. your table was messy, filled with all, notebooks, textbooks, loose practice papers, and stationary. you groaned, you weren't feeling like it, but you couldn't stop. you knew that you'd regret it.

each word you wrote looked like scribbles, you spelt things wrong. why wasn't anything going your way right now? why is your mind going haywire, was it because of earlier? tears pricked your eyes, you couldn't do this anymore, you felt overwhelmed from everything, mentally exhausted in general. you slapped your face, in hopes that you'd stop crying but it continued, you were breaking down, losing complete control of your feelings. first time after a year, sure you've cried many times this year, and past years, however, this felt like your worst one yet.

you quickly picked up your phone, you wanted beomgyu, you needed him to console you. hitting the call button, your fingers were trembling, soft pleas coming out of your mouth for him to hurry up.

"yn?" his voice called out, it was rare for you to call him so suddenly. you sniffled, bringing your phone's mic towards your lips, "please, come over.. you have my keys, just come please gyu." you stuttered, unable to speak properly due to how dry your throat was. you could hear from beomgyu's end how frantic he was, him grabbing his keys to dashing out of his house. "i'll be there in 3, please wait yn." you hummed, ending the call. you replied beomgyu's messages, his attempt to keep you distracted, but your thoughts were too overpowering, you continued sobbing, your fingers digging into your thighs, scratching them from time to time.

"yn." beomgyu whispered, closing your bedroom door, locking it just in case your parents suddenly came home, and saw you in this state. you hiccuped, turning towards him, beomgyu looked at you with concern, this was the first time he has seen you like this after a long time. he gave you his hoodie that he knew gave you comfort, before pulling you into a tight embrace. you continued crying on his shoulder, probably making a wet mess on his shirt right now, but beomgyu didn't care. beomgyu's fingers rubbed the back of your head, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"you're okay now yn, it's alright. let it all out." beomgyu mumbled, his soothing, calming voice, making you feel less like shit. you felt yourself slowly easing up, pulling away from beomgyu's comfortable shoulder. beomgyu took a piece of tissue from the box at the corner of your desk, blowing your nose for you, his thumb wiping away the single tear falling from your face.

"let's lay in bed, i'll make you some instant ramen alright?" beomgyu rubbed your cheek, before aidding you towards your bed, he made sure that you were comfortable before he went to your kitchen to prepare some samyang, your favourite. you laid there on your bed, scrolling on your phone, still suffering with a stuffed nose, but you could smell beomgyu's scent on the hoodie he gave you, consoling your thoughts.

the aroma of the spicy carbonara samyang filled your nostrils, making you sit up. you grabbed the bowl beomgyu passed to you, slurping it up to your heart's content. "nice?" beomgyu asked, sitting on the edge of your bed, his head propped his head onto the palm of his hand, watching you with gentle eyes. you nodded your head, chewing on the cheesy noodles. you twirled the noodles around the chopsticks, tilting them towards beomgyu, wanting him to eat them. beomgyu took a big bite, savouring the creamy, spicy sensation of the noodles.

"i think i should be a chef." beomgyu joked, trying to make you feel better. you giggled, placing the empty bowl on the nightstand next to your bed. you signalled beomgyu to lay next to you, wanting to cuddle with him in bed. beomgyu obliged, allowing you to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, the vibration of his humming, made you feel relaxed. your body was practically on top of beomgyu, while you cling onto him like your life depended on it. you looked up to stare at beomgyu, through your fluttering eyelashes, giving his jaw a chaste kiss.

"hm?" beomgyu hummed, using his free hand to stroke your soft hair, you pouted slightly, still snifflinf a little from your breakdown. your fingers laced around his as he used his thumb to rub your knuckles gently, assuring your that everything is in control now.

"i love you beom." you muttered, loud enough for him to hear, "i'm sorry for suddenly worrying you, i don't know, my first instinct was to call you." you rambled, apologising for being such a burden to him, you felt tears slowly welling up in your eyes again. you said whatever concerned was distracting you, letting out a few tears.

"it's just so tiring to try to make everyone around me proud of me when no one even cares, not even my parents. at this point i'm doing it for myself, for my own validation, but i can't see any improvement, or just something that i can take pride in." you choked out, full on ranting to beomgyu while he stayed quiet, rubbing your hand in small circular motions. his eyes stayed on your figure, making sure that you know he's listening to you with all ears.

"i'm sorry if i'm ever a bad girlfriend to you, you give me so much attention, love, and care, but i can't seem to reciprocrate it, i love you so much, but i don't know how to prove that to you.. i'm afraid that'll you'll leave me for someone better, someone that'll shower you with affection." you apologised, reasoning yourself. beomgyu's eyebrows were knitted together, how could you say that? you were the best thing that happened in his life.

"yn, you know i don't care if you don't provide me the same amount of adoration or anything, as long as i know that you're okay, and that you're still here to stay by my side. then that's all i ask for. i'm honest." beomgyu carressed your cheek, while your lips trembled, your eyes glossy, blinking back the tears threathening to fall out. beomgyu's plump lips curled up, pecking your lips.

"just don't overwork yourself, i hate seeing you like this, you make me worried." beomgyu warned, you slightly chuckled, "i'll try to improve myself for you gyu." reassuring him.

[gothicflowers]

John Price x GN!firefighter!Reader

Hang Up The Coat

Umm so this is extremely self indulgent (I’m using Price to cope instead of facing the reality of my job)

Warnings: mentions of death, alcoholism, firefighter reader. SFW.

John had returned last night from his deployment to an empty home. Bottles scattered around, Piles of laundry from the past month. He knew it was getting bad but it seemed to have gotten worse in his absence. He didn’t know how to have the talk that needed to happen but you seemed to be on the edge of breaking and he’d be damned to let you get near it.

It was 07:13 in this morning and he had already polished the house clean. The was no evidence that anything was even remotely wrong. To price it was important to help you get better. Even if that meant waking up at 4AM to clean the house so you could relax when you got off shift. Working 48 hours consecutively absolutely exhausted you and he wanted to make sure you could have his undivided attention.

You had a habit of going full housewife when he was home. Cooking, cleaning and tending to his every need. Despite your families disappointment of getting a male dominated job you still can’t get rid of the traditional values you where raised to uphold. Your adoration for John was undeniable even after all these years. In a way you left that your life purpose was to serve him. And John lived his life to serve you, when he wasn’t at work the soldier in him melted away to reveal a kind hearted man with a love for his wife and board games.

He finally heard your car door shut in the driveway. He practically ran to the door to great you like a puppy. Opening the door you were greeted with a brown haired man with his hair pulled back and a smile plastered on his face. He was home a week earlier to your surprise.

“My love I missed you”

He pulls you into a deep kiss. His strong hands cradling your small head as he kissed you. The tears he hadn’t noticed poured into his hands.

“No, no, baby what’s wrong?”

You sniffled and handed him the paper that you hoped would say something different. Instead it read the same as all the times before.

Hello,

Thank you for applying for the lieutenant position. We regret to inform you that you were not selected this round. While you held the necessary certificates and training requirements the promotion committee believes you should improve as a member of the brotherhood before any further promotions. We appreciate your time and dedication in the selection process.

Thank you,

Chief

“Darling im so sorry”

He pulled you into a deep hug. His musk engulfs your senses. He’s been gone for three long lonely months. No contact with you per 141 policy. The isolation is suffocating. All your friends had moved on with life and left you behind so you were completely alone. The letter wasn’t helping with the sense of adulthood failure.

“I’m so tired, of this constant struggle to be enough”

“Maybe it’s time to consider other options”

His soft voice was afraid of what you’d say next.

“But it’s what I was made for. All these year and to just be done?!”

John felt a ping in his heart because he knew his honest words would still sting.

“Love you don’t need your job to be your purpose in life”

That’s when you began the real breakdown.

“But it’s what I’ve been doing since I was 18. I don’t know anything else, I’m stuck, but I love the job too much to quit. It’s like asking you to leave 141.”

You never intended to be a firefighter. It just kinda happened. That bright eyed rookie that was full of energy had been burned to pieces years ago. Your friends always told you that working a 48 hour shift must be so nice because you have so much time off. In reality you came home and slept for a few hours after the never ending late night 911 calls and days filled with the general public yelling at you for not being fast enough, cold dinners, washing bio hazards of your boots.

At home waking up to deal with the mental toll of the job and making yourself a glass of whiskey to ease your mind, only to overdo it and end up passed out on the kitchen floor.

The department you worked for always peached “brotherhood” but no matter how hard you worked you still remained an outside. Constantly getting pulled into the chiefs office for “not showing enough dedication”. They never recognized the extra effort you put in. The endless charity events you organized, overtime, teaching classes. Going to extra training classes eating away at your days off. Countless trainings out of town when your husband was home from deployment. None of it mattered to them. Never good enough.

Promotion time came and went again, this was round four of applying for promotion. Yet again missing out on becoming a lieutenant because you don’t fit into any of the clicks. You didn’t golf with the ranked officers on your days off. You didn’t get invited to the cookouts. They always said promotion was based off performance but the five newest officers proved that to be false. Lazy, arrogant, fat men had moved up while you stayed at the bottom. If you wanted to move up you needed to be one of the boys. How?

“It’s never enough for them is it” John has said just loud enough to be a whisper.

John was tired of seeing you get kicked around. It angered him more than you’ll ever know. He always stood by your side when things got hard. You had made it your goal to get promoted to lieutenant before you started trying for a family. John was never going to tell you but he has growing slightly impatient. He wanted you to spend your days happy, kids running around while he cooks breakfast and you sleep in. Not coming home pretending that you didn’t witness another overdose before breakfast and help the corenor bag another young person took far too soon before bed.

You barely had energy to kiss him when you got home. Your mental health had plummeted, your new hobby was drinking and screaming at the walls. Stumbling around with music blasting. You didn’t care about anything, and when you wanted to talk about something you turned it into an argument over nothing. The five foot nothing angel he fell in love with eight years ago was barely recognizable in you. The man that never wanted you to know pain, death, loneliness felt helpless.

But for whatever reason he still loved you. He recalls a time before you met when he was this way in the military, before 141. Angry at the world, doing his best with a bottle in his hand. He only realized he needed a change when he was given the option to stay or start 141. He chose to leave the bottle.

“Love maybe… maybe it’s time to close this chapter” he was gentle saying it as best as he could. He knew how much it hurt for you to hear it. But he knew you better than to let you keep being destructive. He could see the internal conflict within yourself behind the tears in your eyes.

“Then what do I do? I know what I want out of life but I just feel like I’ll lose part of myself if I stop”

“Do you think you’ll lose a part of yourself, or has the part of you that’s tired of pushing has turned into rage?”

“It’s turned from rage to sorrows. And I’m tired of being pushed around. And I’m tired of not being good enough… and…”

“And what love”

“I don’t want you to think less of me for calling it quits when you’ve always stood by be though it all. I want to go back to how I was to you. I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you for so long”

“Oh love you’ll always and forever be my strong angell. I would never think of you differently for quitting. You did such a good job and I know they don’t see it but I know. I will always know my wife fought hard. And I just want you to get better and I’m happy you want to. But I can’t let you keep hurting yourself like this”

“Then I think… I’m ready to hand up my coat.”

“Then that’s what you will do”

He gently kissed your lips and wiped away your tears.

He had a soft reassuring smile. He knew this was going to be a hard process for you but the job was eating you alive and you knew it too.

“Would you like me to help you write your letter of resignation?” His hands still holding your delicate face while his eyes looked down with love.

“I would love that”

[kvrokasaa]

karasu comforting overachiever!reader with a lot of anxiety?

my exams are around, ive cried 6x and had a mental breakdown in 3 days. and im a good student at heart but not on paper. im trying😭

take care! love❤️

I can relate to this sm, I promise myself that I’ll study but then it gets late n all I wanna do is sleep lmfao. But I hope you’re doing alright, love. Remember to drink lots of water and eat lots of food! And take breaks when studying so you don’t get headaches!

Sorry I posted this so late, but here it is.

Cw: crying, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, cursing, not proofread. lmk if i missed any!

Wc: 1.1k

Overachiever!

Karasu is like your best friend, he’s always been there for you and promises he always will. Even when he left for a program called Blue Lock, he still managed to talk to you. Especially when you were going through a nasty breakup with your ex. He has always been there for you.

Something Karasu noticed over the years of being your friend; you’re an overachiever and a perfectionist. You have to get good grades, it’s like it was hard-wired in your brain since you were a child. If you didn’t get a good grade, even on a test that was optional or didn’t have any impact on your overall grade, you would feel so ashamed and full of anxiety. You were afraid of your teachers hating you, honestly, you’re just afraid of authority figures. You would always try to hide your feelings behind a fake smile, and sometimes it worked. But this time it didn’t.

You were in your room studying, all day long. No matter how many times people tried to pester you, or ask you to take a break, you would decline and go back to studying. You needed to get a good grade. You had stayed up all night long studying and going over the crucial information that would be on the final.

So why? Why do you have an 84% on your final? Why isn’t it at 100? Other people congratulated you, saying that the test was really hard. But you know that Mia, the top student, got the perfect score without even trying.

You tried this year, you really did. You made a resolution that you would try your hardest this year; that you wouldn’t give up so easily like last year. And you know that bad habits die hard, but you were doing so well. Even though this isn’t your last year, you feel like you failed at school.

‘Take a deep breath. Failure is the one pathway to success.’ Karasu’s words came floating into your mind. But you could still feel the onslaught of the tears and the tightness of the pain in your chest. You tried to take a deep breath but it wasn’t enough, it felt like all the oxygen in the world just vanished.

You don’t know how you got home, all the memories of the people saying ‘Good job’ and ‘Don’t beat yourself up, you did better than me’ are the only ones you can remember. All you want to do is crawl into your bed and cuddle your stuffed bear while you cry. But you have to study more; you have to study for your next classes. You can’t just give up because of one class. Oh but how badly you want to.

A sudden knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts. “Come in.” You cringed at the crack in your voice, quickly you straightened your posture and pretended to be okay.

But all of that faux hope and happiness faded away when you saw the unmistakable blue eyes. The tears came rushing back, along with the shaky breaths.

Karasu walked over to your desk and smiled down at you. “Hey, just wanted to stop by,” his hand raised, revealing a bag with your favorite restaurant name. “I brought your favorite.” His voice died down, almost to a whisper when he saw your tears.

You quickly wiped them, but the red streaks were still there. He sighed and sat down on your bed. “It’s okay, Y/n. Stuff like this happens, don’t worry about it too much.” You shook your head. “No, I should worry about it,” he raised a brow. “Why?”

You felt a little agitated because he couldn’t understand. Of course he couldn’t, he’s always been the type of person to get good grades without even trying. Knowing him, he probably slept through most of his classes and still got a 95 or higher on his final. Typical Karasu.

“Because who would I be if I don’t have good grades? I know that grades don’t matter much in the world, but I’m the one who feels the shame. I’m the one who has to remember what it feels like to try your hardest and still fail.” You felt like pulling your hair out, breaking things, just something to ease your mind. To ease the pain.

He brings his hands up to your cheeks, squishing them a little which brings a smile to his face. “Remember what I always tell you. ‘Failure is a pathway to-’ ” “To success. I know that, but still,” You move your head, making him release his grip. “I don’t want to fail, I don’t want people to remember me as the person who always failed.” Your voice was almost higher than a whisper, but he still heard you loud and clear. Karasu could hear and feel the pain from your voice.

“You-” you release a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. “You wouldn’t understand.”

‘Ironic’ he thinks, you’re the one who’s not understanding. A simple grade doesn’t define who you are as a person.

“Y/n look at me.” He grabs your face, “You are doing your best, you’re trying your fucking hardest and I’m so proud of you for that. You’re way smarter than what people give you credit for.” You try to shake your head, but his grip on your jaw tightens. “No. I don’t want to hear you deny anything. You need to understand that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to feel helpless after a bad grade. But it’s not okay to beat yourself up. Don’t worry too much about how this grade, which is a passing grade, will affect your future.”

Karasu pulls you in for a hug. You close your eyes and bury your face in his chest. “You’re in the present right now, not the future. And I’m sure the future you are a CEO; trust me I can see it.”

You both laugh at his words. You sniffle and look up at him, “thank you, I really needed that.” He nods his head; his eyes looking from your eyes to your lips. “Anytime, I mean it.”

This is what you expected, a lecture and comfort from Karasu. It’s what you wanted. But what you didn’t expect was his lips on yours. Before you could enjoy the moment, he pulled back and smiled down at you. “Safe to say that I think you return my feelings,” your eyes darting everywhere but his and your little nod was a good enough answer for him. “And as much as I want to kiss you again. Our food is getting cold.” He pulled you down onto the bed along with the bag of food. “Let’s eat.”

[xyfanficarchive]

labor of love

norman bates (psycho 1960) taxidermies you (romantic) (gender neutral)

or, the strange mentally ill erotic fantasy of someone cutting me open and just getting all up in my guts (Nicely,) has surfaced from the old deep deep deep dark days of my life and now has a place ig?

cw death and detailed gore; cw fucked up content in general but if you saw this title and are still reading further you already know whats up, you sicko ;) this is unedited word vomit style typed directly into the tumblr post editor, bcs it was very very slow today and this was better than ruminating myself into an actual mental breakdown at freaking work so this is for the absolute freaks and please dont come for my ass if anything in the getting taxidermied by norman bates fanfiction isnt accurate

in thinking about the potential endings for an extended norman and reader romance... i think it would be such an extraordinarily delicate balance to manage a relationship and try to help him while avoiding the shitshow of human rights violations that was psychiatric care in the 1960s. and maybe you could manage it but if you couldn't......... perhaps he was hiding the true extent of his illness, even well into your relationship, even after getting married. some act of repression, of course he didn't want to scare you away and he was so certain he would, and nobody had ever loved him like you did and nobody ever would again. but ya just can't bottle it up like that without building and building the pressure... and to have a relationship, to have sex with you and marry you and try to be happy WITHOUT HER, oh what a grievous transgression to the ignored Norma, cast away to the far recesses of his awareness, he's managed to hold onto control for this long but the situation will simply not do, and she'll just have to eliminate the disgusting little bitch who stole her son away from her, take the reins back in a moment of weakness, of fracture -

and norman wakes up in a place he doesn't remember, in clothes he doesn't remember, but he remembers the fight and the fevered pitch of your voice, the wide-eyed fear in your face, his mixed up train of thought derailing, crashing, and the sound of his mother screaming in his ears. not a hint of a thought of what happened enters his mind as he retraces the trail of blood through the house, empty and automatic and despairing but still not connecting the ideas together until he actually finds the mangled heap of your body slumped on the floor, with the sick metallic smell of clotting blood, a dizzying lake of deep red bigger than he'd ever seen before surrounding you.... it's so shattering that he is disconnected even from the impulse to vomit, though he drops to his knees and screams and screams and screams...... and his mother is nowhere around to help him, and you're gone gone gone, forever! forever! but no! he hears your voice in his ear, soft though it startled him: "no, you can still save me, don't you remember? you've done it already before, norman, save me, save me before it's too late...!"

you're still even warm by the time he brings you down to the basement, cradling you in his arms and staining the clean clothes mother had gone out of her way to dress him in, still limp dead weight, he puts you on the table where he does his taxidermy and kisses your lips with blood on your mouth, pets your hair, coos a billion apologies. "oh my love, i should have never ever let this happen! i promised myself i would never let this happen to you that i would never let her hurt you im sorry im sorry im sorry i tried i tried!!" screwing his eyes shut at your body in front of him, crying tears that dripped onto your skin. and you shush him, your voice comes like a bell calling him in the darkness "i love you norman, i forgive you, but you must work fast now, you have to work fast to revive me!" he opens his eyes, far gone, nods fervently into your lifeless face, knowing that this would be very hard, and very easy, in that he had done it dozens of times before but not on this scale and not this fresh. he strokes the soft skin of your cheek, flits over to bring his tool kit near and then strips your body bare to begin his work - but he already has to stop, go up to the linen closet to bring towels and a bucket of water to clean the blood and gore off your skin, revealing in detail every grisly angry slash, stab, loose flap of skin that should still be all connected, should be, norman cries, with only an extremely dim awareness that it was his own hands that wrought this upon you. but he would fix it, he would suture your lovely flesh back together last, after the bulk of the work was done.

it takes significant effort to cut you with the same blade that he had cut birds and other small creatures with but he made it through all the layers of skin and fat and muscle, cut flaps to splay your belly open for easy access. and the inside of your body. explodes with colour and detail that he had never seen on this scale before. your insides were all shining red, and translucent membranous pink, with lipid yellows, greenish and brownish hues, pearlescent white fascia and winding lines of purple-blue connecting everything. and then he trembles all over seeing it his hands shaking violently, already slick with blood, as they approach the opening, and you comfort him, sweetly in his ear, "calm now, my love, i'm in good hands, i know i am, but you need to stop shaking, you need to be gentle." "i know, im just scared. i'm sorry, i'm so sorry..." "i trust you, norman." he steeled his nerves and then slips his hands oh so, so gingerly into the wet, the slick and smooth mess, the winding intestines, cold on the surface from contact with the air but still warm underneath, and he only loves you more and more and more that you trust him like this, that you let him do this to you, putting your faith in him to revive you.

he was struck by the intimacy of it, he was so close, closer than anyone else in the world had been to you, even closer than sex, up to his forearms in your body cavity, with all the beautiful unseen parts that had sustained your living body for so long, all those years........ you would have to learn a new kind of life now, with him. he scoops the intestines, they spill over the sides onto the table, attached at either end, and he realized he would have no place to actually put any of this once he removed it, he took the bucket with red translucent water and tipped it over into the floor drain. then, bringing it near, cuts your entire digestive tract free, placing it gently in the bucket. looking down at the heap inside, he feels a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and reached up to wipe it with the bloodied back of his arm. then, the pancreas, the kidneys and bladder, the liver (some cultures thought the liver was the seat of human love, he thinks), everything is so connected, tubes and gossamer-thin tissues that he has to dissect to separate the parts out. he has to reach underneath your ribcage to cut your lungs free, they sink in and deflate more as he works, and puts them too on top of the rest of your organs. then, last, your heart - he hesitates, and trembles, feeling the imperative to be especially delicate now, as if the muscle might disintegrate under his touch. but he feels around, remembering the anatomy diagram of the heart he'd learned so many many years ago, cuts free the three arteries connected to the aorta, the pulmonary vessels, both venae cavae, and suddenly he is holding the fist-sized organ free in his hand. he set his knife to the side and then reached in again, cradling the muscle in both of his broad palms as he brought it out into the light, letting out a shuddering breath - your heart! oh it was your actual heart, the heart that loved him, the heart that once beat in your chest, that he listened to countless nights to soothe himself, pressing his ear to your sternum. he sees the fatal gash the knife made, he turns his head and leans his ear in, though he knows it's silent anyways he almost starts to sob, "keep it," you say, and he startles "keep it, my love, it's yours, it was always yours" and he looks up into the ceiling "really? are you certain?" forgetting the anguish, and he feels your confirmation, your permission, as the warmth of your love. then, looks down at the deep red knot of muscle, presses a tender kiss there, and holds it to his chest, mirroring his own living heart. with reverence, he sets it on the table in his view and continues on -

it's best practice to remove the bulk of the skeletal muscle, too, and so he opens the skin on the arms that held him close, the legs and thighs that he'd had bliss between, and frees the long corded masses - the ones in the limbs come out of the body clean and compartmentalized, attached to the bone really only by two tendons on either end, separating easily from each other. this was by chance one of the largest buckets he had in the house but now it was full top with all your externalized insides, and the slippery smooth remainder of your muscles went to the floor - it was only a short distance to the furnace anyways, and all of this would have to go to the furnace, into the fire, you wouldn't be needing them anymore, and everything would have to be clean, clean, clean after. and now your body was ready for treating with the chemicals - there might not be enough, but it would have to do - and the sawdust which only seemed to come in large quantities, and it's easy, easy, art to craft the contours of your body that he learned, he knows from memory. he closes with care the long incisions he had made, making the flesh edges meet neatly all down the length of your limbs, up the i-shape he made on your abdomen and then, the awful wounds, slashes and gashes all over he sutures at last with a lingering feeling of sorrow, that dissipates when, finally cutting the last thread, he sees the miracle of life bloom forth on your face out from the monochrome of death "norman!" you smiled, with recognition in your eyes from where your head was limply rolled to the side

he smiled back at you, euphoria like a thrill of electricity tingling through his body as he reached out to cup your face - of course the fact he didn't have a sufficient amount of preservatives and anything didn't matter because it had little to do with the process of reviving anyways. it was all in the effort itself, in the way he marked his own soul in order to remake you and have you forever, it was in that labor of love where the actual transformation was made. he stroked his thumbs on your cheekbones, leaning over you and sobbing out "yes, yes, yes, yes, it's me, i'm here!!"

"you did it, i knew you could, i knew you would save me, norman."

"i could do anything for you, i would do anything for you!"

"i'm so cold now down here in the basement, i feel so weak and exhausted after everything... would you please help me get dressed?"

your bloody clothes were all heaped on the floor and he sniffled, blinking the tears from his eyes. "oh, those are all completely ruined..... I'm sorry... I'll take you up to the bedroom now, okay? and we'll get you into pajamas, and then you can just sleep for however long you need." and you would need the sleep - it was a strange and difficult new life to adjust to, being so dependent on him now for so many things, and you would never be able to leave the house anymore, which would likely be as hard for you as it was at first for his mother. but might get easier for you faster, he thought, as you had both found many more interesting things to do inside than he and his mother ever had in nearly thirty years until you came along. he kisses you on the forehead, and gently lets your head down, before he shifts his arms underneath you and scoops you up in a bridal carry, the whole weight of you in his arms as he carries you up the stairs to the main floor, then turned, climbing up and up again

"i was so scared when she killed me, Norman." Your voice makes his lip tremble as he looks down into your eyes, "but I know i'm safe now with you."

"Yes, you're safe here with me... You'll be safe here with me forever..."

He can feel the vibration of love coming off you, that keen resonation, it was always always there though he never managed to put it to its name, his heart absolutely swells with the sensation, love, pure ecstatic love! you were his one love and the most precious thing he had ever encountered in his life and now he could keep you safe from everything, forever, with him! oh, it didn't work out as nice for you as if it has never happened in the first place, but he could feel a new tension and energy, a precipice on which he was looking out at a new and encompassing depth of your bond, of your relationship, and he only had to dive in with you. he was almost even excited to start this new and beautiful era of your life together.

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

[kiyocuck]

HI hello sorry to be a big ole bother but i feel the need to say you are SO RIGHT about chapter 3. also i've never seen anyone else say that alter ego fucked with taka. nobody else seems to see it that way bc 'oh ishida is so funny and not at all kinda depressing taka had to fucking MAKE himself a friend since no one was really there for him!'

celeste is a liar, sure--but JESUS is that one hell of a jump for her to have lied about. why did she lie about that specifically. why didn't she just say 'oh my, kiyotaka isn't himself lately...he's so hostile, i worry he'll kill someone soon'. (i know i'm biased as someone who writes taka and celeste as twins and therefore rewrites chapter three but. jesus)

why did hifumi go from 'aw he's a lil cringe but overall well meaning and a respecter of women!' to. to. 'haha guys he's an otaku, you get it? haha he. he did questionable things to alter ego. haha that's so funny right guys'.

makoto literally makes an internal comment about how monokuma messing with a grieving taka is really messed up... which. is funny. given. he doesn't make any real effort to. be there for him?

there's this constant feeling of no...genuine remorse. everyone feels like a parody of themselves.

it also makes hina having got comfort and reassurance later on all the more bitter. the very same people who watched as taka starved himself and went into this mental breakdown, watched as he bawled his eyes out as his friend was executed, suddenly offer their condolences to a girl who tried to get them all killed. i feel bad for hina too, but... come on.

okay i'm sorry for the lengthy ask but i wanted so badly to share how much i agree with your take about ch3.

YOURE LITERALLY SO FUCKING RIGHT this chapter butchered everyone and the only "well written" (im like 99.9% sure the writers didnt intent to write taka being psychotic and just made it out as some improvement on him because Danganronpa Writers) character gets treated like shit and then just dies. lol. lmao.

also that point abt hina is so right, i felt bad for her too but like COME ON. everyone going like Omg hina dw we get it we're sorry, meanwhile taka is doing cartwheels in his grave.

not to mention when she only cried cuz hifumi died like Girl WHYYY WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU.

i genuinely feel like the writers didnt like taka Like not to put a tin foil hat on but its like they all just projected the nerdy annoying morals committee president kid in their class they had in high school and were like Lets just fuck this guy up lmfao

[joyfulapostate]

hi!!

for context, i was raised baptist, im queer, my mother converted in her late 20s i believe? and my father was raised strictly baptist as well. my mom has been listening to sermons on youtube obsessively, and my father will lose his mind if you (collective) say ANYTHING that has even the slightest chance of questioning the bible in any way. i’m closer with my mom than my dad, we both have adhd and im autistic, my dad is emotionally and verbally abusive.

i started questioning pretty much everything since mid 2020 ish??, and i just started accepting the idea that my parents would probably disown me, or at the very least ground me until they’re dead, if they knew anything about me that’s not an ✨image i’ve made specifically for them✨. (my main spotify acc has seen so many mental breakdowns it’s not even funny at this point😐)

anyways i just was wondering if there’s a Specific Reason i’ve been really really drawn to catholicism, catholic guilt, and really anything regarding that? it’s just been like A Thing for me especially really recently and i’m just always sitting there like “why tf do i feel like i have catholic guilt i’ve only stepped foot in a catholic church one single time and it was for a craft show????”

if there’s no specific answer that’s totally cool i just thought i’d try to ask someone who seems to know what they’re talking about bc ive been thinking about it a LOT recently

(i also feel like im letting down my grandma, she was the sweetest lady and she absolutely made my childhood so much better and im so grateful for her. she was pretty much the backbone of her church, she died seven years ago and i just feel like if she saw me now she wouldn’t recognize me even if she had every form of proof in the world it was me. i don’t know if she would even accept i was her grandkid at this point.)

It’s so great that you are giving yourself room to become more than what others expect you to be. We all deserve that. And it takes courage to create space for yourself, especially in a worldview that tends to reduce our self image.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with an abusive situation. Your safety is important and you deserve to have a healthy support system.

I think that the idea of “Catholic guilt” is a more popular trope than guilt from Protestant traditions. I see it mentioned more in personal conversations and in books, TV, and movies. It absolutely makes sense that this idea would resonate with you.

It can be helpful to study other traditions to give you context for your own experience, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to claim something from another religious tradition as your own. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing, I just try to be careful about stuff like that.

I was also raised in a Protestant faith, but I had Catholic friends and attended Mass at several points in my life. When I was still a believer, it seemed like there was a great chasm between these belief systems. But now that I have some distance from my former faith, I see that they have more similarities than differences. Shame and guilt run through them both. There’s guilt about familial obligations, Jesus’ death, and “sinful” actions. (I personally think that sin is just one god’s opinion and it matters more that we try to treat each other well than follow a non-negotiable rulebook.)

It may not be possible to be totally open now now, but I believe it will be in the future. I didn’t share my doubts when I was still dependent on my parents and it felt awful at the time to keep anything private. Because it felt like privacy implied guilt. But now I am grateful to my past self for waiting until I felt secure enough to share my doubts. I found people who felt safe and confided in them. I built relationships based on mutual respect and informed choices, which hadn't felt possible before.

I still have distance with some of my religious family members. But some of my more progressive family members and I have made a lot of progress in understanding each other. Love can overcome doctrine in many relationships, but not others. It’s a difficult reality to face, especially when you don’t have the opportunity to communicate with them. I know that I had to grieve the people I’d lost and the idea that I would see them in heaven. But there are people in this world who will understand you, support you, and hope for you to have a wonderful and fulfilling life that allows you to grow beyond their expectations. And it sounds like you already are that kind of person for yourself, and that is an impressive accomplishment in its own right.

[multiplicity-positivity]

(advice ask, i think? or just, validation? i just want to talk about it)

this may make literally zero sense so im gonna. preface this with an apology for that potential

so like two weeks ago i (i am the host) had a breakdown REALLY bad and it like put up a barrier or something, which we've had happen before but not for this long- everyone's been completely locked off from front, i've barely seen ANYONE else insys and i cannot get out of front no matter how hard i try

it feels like frontstuck but in a different font, this doesnt feel like normal frontstuck

i almost feel like the system is gone, or disappearing, or even wasn't there in the first place

i just dont know what to do, about that? i dont really know what im asking for here if im being honest, but if you have any thoughts or advice they'd be greatly appreciated

(thank you in advance for either your reply or just for reading this, whichever it may be /g)

Hi! We’re sorry to hear things have been kind of difficult for you/your system lately. We’re not quite sure what kind of advice we can offer you, but we can try!

It sounds like you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. For many systems (including our own!) lots of stress can disrupt system communication and make it harder to connect and interact with other members. For us, it takes time, grounding, and calming strategies in order to reach a point where things have settled down enough for us to interact with each other again.

So we’ll offer some things you can do that might help! Remember every system’s different, so what works for us may not work for you/y’all:

1 - if you’re spending a lot of time worrying about your system or questioning your plurality, stop. Take a step back. Try to focus on things that make you happy and try not to think about the rest of your headmates for a few days. It might initially feel like you’re abandoning your system by doing this… but that’s not actually the case! Prioritizing your own mental health and well-being is very important, and taking a step back from worrying about your system might be able to help you AND your headmates overall.

2 - learn some grounding techniques, and practice doing them even when you’re not overwhelmed. Making a habit of grounding yourself can make it easier for you to ground yourself when you’re feeling stressed! What works best for our system is REST - we wrote a post detailing this technique before!

Things that also help us are:

5-4-3-2-1: in the world around you, notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 (or just one) thing you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This helps center us in the real world and pull us away from overwhelming/snowballing emotions!

Something sharp: Eating a sour candy, holding a piece of ice, or finding some other sort of sharp/vibrant, non-harmful experience can work to “shock” us out of our spiral and help ground us in reality. We usually follow up a sharp experience with 5-4-3-2-1 to help solidify our awareness of the present moment!

Breathe: Noticing your breathing and counting breaths can really be helpful for calming down. We take deep breaths in through our nose for 4 seconds, then put with our mouth for 8. We repeat this for a few minutes until we feel a bit better. It can help clear our mind and stops us from unknowingly hyperventilating or taking lots of ragged/shallow breaths, which we’re prone to doing when we’re overwhelmed!

3 - meet your own needs. It may help bolster communication and help make it easier to contact your headmates if you are making sure to take proper care of yourself. We just wrote a little Check Up self care post which might help you in this regard - here it is!

4 - once you’ve managed to get yourself in a better place mentally, after taking a break from focusing on your system and instead focusing on meeting your own needs, maybe at that point try reestablishing contact with your headmates. Maybe you can try writing them letters, letting them know that you care about them and you’ve been thinking about them and filling them in with what’s been going on in your world. We have some parts who do this when they’re feeling disconnected from other members! You can also check out our post on establishing contact with headmates, which may have some useful tools to try out.

We’re sorry this got so long, but we hope that something here will be useful for you! We’re wishing you the very best with trying to reconnect with your system - going through something like this can definitely be scary, but we promise you’re not alone! Lots of systems encounter this sort of thing from time to time. Good luck with everything - we really do hope things get better for you soon!

🌷 Corrie and 💫 Parker

[rottytops]

gonna be talkin abt my meds for a bit

so i started adhd medication arounnndd a week ago, maybe. and the effects have honestly been almost immediate and very drastic.

for starters everything is just a lot easier, doing tasks is easier, going to work is easier, staying on task at work is easier...just a lot of tiny things i struggled with before are way easier for me now, i feel.

part of me is like, what if this is a placebo!! and i could always do this, but another part of me is like wow if i wasnt medicated i couldnt have done x or y thing. like i keep finding myself in spots where adhd absolutely would have taken over at this point and made me stop but i just kept going. i have this weird. feeling. inside me a lot more often, like...my blood is jelly or something, sorry if that sounds weird but i cant explain it better, so i definitely dont think the meds are fake or anything like that, but it was something i was worried about.

however even if they WERE fake (for some reason), i think what really makes the difference is just knowing i have something thats helping me out in my daily life. living with adhd sucked so bad, but it sucked even worse when i realized i had it because it was like, there was nothing i could do! but now i KNOW i have medication and i know things will be fine if i keep taking them and i KNOW if something weird happens i have my doctor's visit at the end of the month so im just. so much more relaxed about things.

....thats another thing, i used to be so so so anxious about random stuff all the time, labor over every interaction i had either online or off, spend 10+ minutes debating on when to send a message and if what im saying is okay, but that doesnt happen anymore, in fact ive been talking to a ton of new people lately and its easier than ever to just go up to someone and say hi. I had a whole ass convo with my coworker about stuff i honestly wasnt that into, but i was still alert and engaged in the discussion, that's literaly never happened before!!

theres still things im struggling with and problems i still have that medication cant just. whisk away or anything, but i dont mind taking the time to work things out, im at the start of my medication journey and the doctors were saying yeah the root of your anxiety and even deppressive episodes can be traced back to the ADHD, so dealing with one can fix the others and that tracks to me i guess. overall though im currently in suuucuh a better mental place than i was at the start of the year where it was just breakdown after breakdown

thing are different, things are better!! its such a liberating thing to think and say but its the truth lmao

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

[hornyanimegirl]

You’re Perfect

featuring . . . KENMA KOZUME

includes . . . chubby reader, pet names, fluff, and aged up characters

notes . . .  i’ve been feeling really down lately, and my self esteem has lowered a lot. i’ve had mental breakdowns from just looking in the mirror, and i cried while reading a headcannon (im a mess). so I thought writing some fluff would help me. this was honestly a rant about everything i have went through, and going through so sorry if it doesn’t fit your character.

As you looked in the mirror you couldn’t help the disappointment look you gave yourself as your eyes trailed over your body.

You were chubbier then most, and society seemed to get to you as you picked out every physical flaw you could see in the mirror.

love handles

stretch marks

big stomach

thick thighs

You hated the way you obsessed over your looks like some teenager. But, you couldn’t control the way you looked at yourself as less then others. The models you saw online looked nothing like you. 

It was terrible to compare yourself to people who obviously only post the good pictures. People have told you that. But, its just not that easy. You tried to remind yourself that all bodies are beautiful, but your mind always counters it with “except yours”.

You’ve struggles with this your entire life. You had always been this size, the words “overweight” had always come out of the pediatricians mouth. Back then, it only reminded you how “fat” you were. The way they went on and on about how you should start eating properly and drink less juice.

Its not that easy, its never that easy.

The thoughts kept coming and coming and coming. You soon were sitting against the wall balling your eyes out because of the unrealistic standards you set for yourself.

You hated this, you hated all of this. You’ve been told “you look so great”. It never helped. The only thing you could think after those comments were

“am I crazy”

“do I actually look good”

“is there something wrong with me”

and then it ended up with another mental breakdown in the bathroom.

“Kitten, I’m home where are you”

The sound of Kenma’s voice and the front door closing brought you out of your state. You quickly wiped your eyes and went to go greet your boyfriend.

“Hi Kenma, welcome home” 

You tried to put on your best smile so you wouldn’t burden him with another one of your episodes after a long day, but he saw right through you.

“Hunny what’s wrong”

His voice was gentle as he softly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into a hug. One arm wrapped around your waist, and the other on your head that rested on his chest.

“You can tell me kitten”

He whispered into your ear. And that was all it took to have you break in his arms. The tears you desperately tried to stop came flooding out, and your arms gripped his shirt.

“I just... me... and skinny... fat”

The words came out in jumbles, not being able to put how you felt into words. It was hard to explain to someone that you didnt love your body. But, Kenma understood every word. 

“shhh, just breathe my love”

He picked you up, your legs wrapped around his waist, arms around his neck, and your face shoved in his shoulder.

Kenma sat on the couch softly stroking your back waiting to you to calm down. 

Your crying soon turned into sniffles as you wiped away your tears on Kenma’s shirt.

“Y/n look at me”

His voice was soft and quiet, and as you moved to sit up on Kenma’s lap, taking in his relaxed face. Strands of hair falling out of his pony tail into his eyes, a soft smile supporting his feminine features.

“I know its so hard to accept yourself. But, I want you to know I love you just like this, every part of you is perfect to me. I’ll always be here with you through your journey of loving yourself, because I love you. You don’t have to worry about me getting annoyed because I want to know when you’re feeling like this”

“I never want you to with hold your feelings because you think your bothering me”

His eyes held nothing but love as he gazed into yours. It was like you were falling in love all over again. 

You were so grateful to have someone like Kenma in your life. Someone who would be there to support and reassure you through your toughest times.

He wiped away the new found tears that fell from your eyes. Pulling you in for a tight hug”

“I love you kitten”

“I love you too Kenma”