#SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG ANSWER i really hope it makes sense bb!!!

[heraldofcrow]

Do you have any specific neurodivergent headcanons for bb characters by far?

Yep!! Sorry for the wait on this, I was adding to it little by little.

Without further ado—

Wait, I forgot, I need to clarify something. I don’t really believe neurodivergence refers strictly to autism and ADHD like many often try to say, so with that in mind, my answers might be more varied.

• Rom

Rom is my main headcanon for neurodivergence in Bloodborne because I suspect something is up with her basically being called the “mentally disabled spider” in Japanese, while also having been the only person in Bloodborne to have ascended. With that in mind, I see her as an autistic savant. Perceived as a fool due to stunted outward development, but a genius beyond what others could even understand.

• Laurence

This one is maybe odd, but I have Laurence as someone with bipolar disorder and autism. I don’t have some in-depth explanation for this one other than it fits with the character I wrote for him.

• Gehrman

Clinical depression, like from the time he was a really small kid. He was just different from the start and saw far more than he should have. He was never a very hopeful or upbeat person.

• Bloody Crow

I write Crow with severe psychosis that stems from schizophrenia. There are signs of him being autistic as well, but his schizophrenia is the main thing he struggles with. It is NOT what makes him a villain later on, but when his delusions get out of control and trigger his mania…well, you don’t want to pair it with hatred and anger. Sadly, Crow is overflowing with both.

• Micolash

Micolash was not brought up in an environment where he was able to develop empathy for others, so he was always a bit sociopathic. This wasn’t actually much of a problem for years though, because he tried and learned via others about socalization and interpersonal relations. Sociopaths are not inherently dangerous and neither was Micolash. He was a decent person for a long time.

However, tragedy always strikes, and darker emotional issues and beliefs were what allowed Micolash to eventually weaponize his own sociopathy, committing worse and worse atrocities without feeling the pain of his victims. I like to imagine he was fully aware of how he thought about the process. The problem wasn’t his lack of empathy, it was his choice to utilize it in an evil manner.

• Adeline

Adeline has both Borderline Personality Disorder and clinical depression. The traumatic experiences in her youth left her with a lot of unresolved emotional tension, poor kid.

• Maria

I have her as Crow’s biological sister, so as siblings, they both actually struggle a bit with the same mental challenges. Maria doesn’t really have schizophrenia like her brother, but she experiences severe bouts of depression that can lead to hallucinations and psychosis. She also deals with extreme memory loss at times and heavy PTSD.

• Ludwig

Ludwig has ADHD but people can’t really tell because he is hard on himself about keeping his focus intact. People like Maria absolutely notice his struggle and his periods of low self-esteem. He is too tough on himself :(

• Eileen

This one is actually my favourite headcanon, but Eileen has DID and has at least one other alter that she formed when faced with a horrifically traumatic event as a child. Her alter is a stiff, austere military officer-type, who is comfortable with emotionlessness and treating Eileen’s line of work as a task that must be completed.

Eileen’s alter is harmless and she is aware that she is different in this sense. It’s actually what draws her to Bloody Crow, who is already so terrified of his own mind that he finds comfort in knowing his mentor and mother-figure is not too different.

—

Some of these might change, but I am happy with most for now. I love psychology and studying it, so I think of it as a worthy challenge to try to write characters with unique mental states and accurately so. It can be a little scary because I know people really care about how several of these mental illnesses are depicted, but hopefully I am not screwing anything up too much. 😅

[therhythmafterthesummer]

hii, kinda new here and kinda shy too but i just wanted to tell u that i really like your wereroomies series even tho i have never really gone into werewolf AUs. I have a few questions to ask if u have time and all— (mostly cuz i really dunno what i got into). First,, could u help me know which character is an alpha/beta/omega in your universe? Second,, i get what alphas and omegas are like but what are betas? I think that’s all~~ i hope u have a really nice day/night!! Thank u, hugs w/ consent

welcome, bb!! i'm glad you're enjoying wereroomies. even more considering you'd never really gotten into werewolf AUs, i love when wereroomies has that effect on people fr hahah

i really need to speed up that guide i'm working on for this AU 😭 but my little lizard brain hasn't sat down to do it yet. i'll answer the beta quesiton first. sorry if this is a bit long:

so, to me (bc we have to consider the fact that a lot werewolf AUs are crafted differently by each author), betas are just... your average werewolf. they can shift into wolves, they have enhanced senses and enhanced abilities, but their abilities and traits are... milder, i guess? imo they're better at controlling their urges and instincts, if that makes sense. in this AU, however, a beta can be affected by other tendencies they might have (we'll see it in seungmin later on, hopefully). like, for example, we know alphas go into rut and omegas have heats. betas don't typically experience those but they potentially could if they have alpha/omega tendencies. hope this makes sense 😭 if it doesn't, let me know and i'll see if i can word it better.

and finally, here's everyone's designation and sub-designation in WereRoomies:

hugs w/ consent to you, too !

[jlf23tumble]

Hiii hope you won’t mind this ask! I just found your blog and i’ve gone over it a bit and I saw you talking about h and l not being together and it made me curious about your larry thoughts!! You can answer in the tags if you don’t want to start discourse but I hope you do answer:((!

I don’t know if you think they’ve been together in the past/never together or just don’t care about it cause scrolling through Tumblr is a nightmare and I can’t see all your posts obviously ahaha but personally I thought they were together and I think they might have broken up in the last year or so. I got a strong sixth sense in general if you could call it that and lately I can sense something is different and I can see some people feel the same but don’t really discuss it openly so I wanted to hear your opinion.

The last thing that made me ‘sure’ they were still a thing while looking at the previous 12 years was harryween with hopelessly devoted to you and then Louis quoting it at his grease fav. After that I can’t really see something that makes me think “at that point they must have been together cause otherwise it wouldn’t make sense”. And paired it up with louis in particular being a bit strange in the last few months and with what you pointed out as well namely Harry doing everything he can to not be even thought to be on tour with L… As I said I don’t know when you started talking about a break up, but do you think that halloween’s occurance was still them being together or teasing each other from a distance or maybe just keeping larries at bay? And would you mind telling me then when you think their situation changed and what you think now? Sorry it’s so longggg and thank you if you take time to answer me <3

Helllllllo, I never mind any kind of ask! Granted, sometimes I might not answer but only because I'm overwhelmed, or it's the same ask in a row, or I'm not loving a sentence, or I just don't feel like it, or I think a bathroom shot is more appropriate, lmao, but this one? I got all the time in the world for you…so much so that I'll put it under the cut, since the ask is long enough itself, as shall the answer be!

Welcome to this mess, and wow, I'm so bowled over you even tried to scroll, I know trying to search tumblr.biz is a loser's lover's game, even for the loser lover who wrote it, so I won't even bother, but we can start fresh!

So my thoughts: Hell yeah, I think these two were together back in the day, probably almost immediately (see: the entire x-factor scandale with the blinds about all the fucking, the stairs interviews, ALL OF IT, screammmm). I don't know how long or even IF they were strictly monogamous, they were in a pressure cooker situation of near-constant contact with each other for five years, but I do think it eventually morphed into something open and/or then into a messy on again/off again situationship. That’s my current stance today, in fact—c'est messy!!!!

I’ll do the usual caveat that none of us actually KNOWS them, though, or what went down, we're only looking at what we see (and hear) and making a wild guess, and yet! Plenty of people see (and hear) the same thing and opt for a crazy reach with their whole chest, all to justify something happening between teenagers 13 years ago as if NOTHING would or could have changed since then. And some of those reaches make literally no sense, or they wash away anything that gets too close to that third rail of cognitive dissonance, the proverbial fingers in ears, lalalalala. I saw it recently on a post I made about clingy Harry with a stranger on the drunk WeHo trolley, with someone in the tags going, wait, I’ve never seen this! Of course you haven’t, that’s what an echo chamber does, bb!

Personally, I don't get that mindset—what’s so wrong about learning life is tough and things change for two literal strangers? Sure, we all love love and want the best for them, but shit happens in real life, too. Maybe it's easier to latch onto made-up receipts or straight up call a blue a green, but I think a big aspect of it is also the need to be right, to show you aren’t crazy, it’s real, and that gets frequently mixed in as being “supportive,” like you're some kind of homophobe if these two break up, as if two men fucking two other men somehow isn't worthy of your “support." But I’m here to say those two things actually can exist, something can be true in the past and not be true today, and it doesn’t negate the past bit, shocking, right?

Anyway, I digress. I feel like your sixth sense is on the money, and I'd love to hear more about it, either message me here or dm me about what tips you into that direction (hey!) because I feel like there is SO MUCH THAT DOES, yet few people really get into it. To me, it’s just a lot of content, so much content, the bare minimum being lyrics in multiple songs across a shit ton of albums, both solo and the very last 1D one. At this point, to me, Larry “proofs” sound insane (he wore green pants, they're MARRIED!!!!!), and part of me is like, kudos to you, Mr. Tomlinson, jesus loves you more than you will know, etc. Even that Harryween outfit of which you speak feels like a reach of a reach, a callback of a reach, mostly because it’s also not that deep, Grease isn't some tiny film nobody's seen, it's actually a remarkably easy group costume, AND it references things that could be nostalgic to two sets of people (larries and larry). I actually feel like these two at this point are either a) signaling to each other in some kinda way, like that monitor edgeplay shit they used to do (which works if you're together or apart, I might add), or b) cashing in some of that green blue green, if you feel me. And again, both of those could be true at once, they don't cancel each other out. I have two hands, I can hold a lotta thoughts!

It’s at this point where I start bangin’ the drum for garries because gaylors have it dead easy—you can be a gaylor and think that kaylor was a thing, but it doesn’t mean it’s STILL a thing to you, so whither garries!? I just don’t think a lot of today’s larries do themselves any favors by doubling down and driving out anyone who has questions. For the big ones, there’s no room for even whispering, hey, yeah, they were together, but they might have broken up, maybe??? It’s, like, NO!!! They’re mawwwwwwied, #husbands, they’ve only fucked one person, each other, let’s jump through a hoop that says Louis wearing green sweats is so LOUD (I’m not listening to lyrics, though, lalalalalala)!! It’s tragic and frankly dumb, but if you want to wallow in the persecution complex of it all, “everybody hates us ☹ (including Louis),” I guess the option is there, the whole us vs. them of it all that I’m just personally not into.

But I do feel like there’s some hope, it’s nice to see people coming around to the idea that, yeah, they WERE together and maybe they aren’t anymore, but it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world! It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, maybe they’ll reunite someday, or maybe it’s a goddamned hot mess, but you know what? Not my circus, not my monkeys! Granted, that part is harder for people who are mutuals with those who will not tolerate doubts even for a second—I just hope they venture off and find the other chill people, u know, the ones a lot of larries wish they saw on their dashes instead of hand-wringers, uh oh, oops, reaping = sowing.

I’m sorry, I’m ramblin’ here, let’s get back to your questions at the end of your ask! Do I think Harryween was them together or teasing each other or keeping larries at bay? Hmmmm, maybe a secret fourth thing: easy costume, easy global reference, and it’s not gonna keep larries at bay, lmao. Idk, man, for all we know (which, again, is literally nothing, nobody’s getting 24/7 content for 5 years straight anymore, such a bitter pill to swallow), maybe Grease is a fave movie of someone who’s in the new band, maybe Harry’s got a close personal friend who’s into it, too, maybe Louis's not the only guy in the world Harry’s dated who’s obsessed with Danny Zuko.

As for when do I think their situation changed, I think Eleanor was a big clue, breakup no. 1 was probably around their own breakup no. 1, she was an amazing proxy in so many ways, but I’m sure there were rifts and spats along the way (it even seeped into interviews that get written off as cute funsies or else are outright ignored because nobody watches beyond the gif format). I follow at least one person who talks about the '15 promo tour as giving very recent breakup energy, yet still has some fwb vibes, which means it's AWKWARD in spots, and I can see that. It would also explain why they were suddenly able to "sit together,” lol. Anyway, yes, that breakup (both times) was a big sign, I think no more peace ring was a HUGE sign, I think the writeups by Rob Sheffield (both of them, actually), especially the last paragraph of the Fine Line cover story was a NEON sign, and I think the last four albums by both of them spell it out, underline it, bold it, AND italicize it super clearly, but those are just the easy pickings (see also: Harry biking around daily to prove he’s not in Poland, Greece, etc., and the response is always, “We don’t know what day this was,” lmao).

What I think now is up above! I think it’s messy! Complicated! They aren’t #married! Now is that a forever thing? Who’s to say, and more importantly, who’s to really care on a “does this impacts my daily life in some kind of financial or spiritual way,” see further: circus, monkeys. I get that it’s easy to say, I interact with a lot of other people who don’t care and won't ostracize me for being a doubting Susan with my ~controversial thoughts and UOs. But there are those with faith in the future, so maybe it is as it was…hehe, oh me. I amuse myself, at least. Sorry this is an epic reply, and that it’s days late, I hope it gives you what you wanted to know! Anyone sending me garbage will get a bathroom response, peace and love.

[adelaidedrubman]

What was Jess doing/thinking during her first visit to the Bliss and jumping off the statue of Joseph? (forgive me if this is or isn't in her canon, I'm still catching up with Wildfire)

ALL GOOD BB THANK YOU FOR ASKING AND FOR READING AT ALL. it in fact very recently (last chapter) became part of her official/published canon, so below cut in case anyone is looking to catch up and doesn’t want it spoiled!! (and because it’s a really long answer, sorry about that as always don’t feel obligated to read All Of That. tried to keep it vague and mostly director’s commentary tho.) 

so jessie’s first official trip to the bliss (as a fully hallucinated “place” that is, she’d had lower level bliss exposure and implied intoxication at several points prior in the fic) was sorta nestled into the “blow up joseph’s statue” mission. long story short what was running through her mind was essentially: 

she’s exploding that man and having a blast. she’s making funny commentary to herself about it. she’s not high even a little bit. those butterflies are annoying and she’s a little nauseous, but mostly she’s all good and having fun! she’s especially loving burning joseph’s book! 

then comes the turn, all at once — local woman pays attention to what she’s doing long enough to realize she’s burning a book filled with biographical information about john seed, something she’d previously tortured a man and retraumatized several john victims in order to pry for. at the same time she’s trying unsuccessfully to salvage the book (too uncoordinated due to bliss to do so) (something something can’t put out every fire once you start it, haha metaphors) and just drops it off the statue instead as faith says her “what have you done? don’t you understand what he’ll do to me?” line from the mission and jessie’s officially in Full Bad Time Freak Out mode.

she spirals into hallucinating a conversation with her deadparents that bleeds into her most traumatic childhood memory of seeing her mother abused by her father. then transitions into a confrontation with sleep paralysis demon john to emphasize like. oh no the weight of it all wrt her survivor’s guilt tied to other people being hurt in her place and her prioritization of and emotional intimacy with the man terrorizing hope county….. bro the rammys of her actions….. 

from there it’s officially faith time at which point jessie is thinking “things are suddenly good and chill now.” they chat a bit for which jessie is mostly nonverbal and Just Laying There but still feels an artificial sense of closeness and trust with faith due to the bliss — until the point faith makes a remark about things “not needing to be difficult” and jessie suddenly remembers who she is and that not being difficult Isn’t Her Heart (callback to last chapter john saying audibly lovestruck she’s difficult about absolutely everything), manages to move and makes an unsuccessful attempt to swing on faith. 

trippy stuff happens, jessie realizes the statue is still there and faith guides her off of it into the canon Leap. apocalypse visions and The Horrors, it’s implied another person falls with her who she sees as a shifting multi-person amalgam hallucination. she passes out, implied sleep paralysis return to consciousness during which she thinks she’s actually paralyzed and dying from the fall. notices john’s watch which she’s been wearing is undamaged and relaxes a little, back to sleep. (callback to earlier chapter when seeing john asleep beside her chilled her out during a sleep paralysis episode) (despite the horrors, she learns nothing! still emotionally prioritizing him!) (nothing will happen later to reemphasize she should in fact stay examining her guilt about that don’t worry!)

while writing it i sorta tried to play (idk if it was successfully) with time distortions and imply that the entirety of the hallucination could have Real Time taken place in the few seconds it took her to Realize Things and drop the book and was just this drawn out nightmare of every repressed thing running through her mind in the instant that it happened. 

tl;dr: she has a bad time. she needs a vacation from this vacation! 

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi Rachel! Hope things are going well for you! I was wondering, since this is a frequent topic on your blog/channel, how do you still enjoy your work while letting go of perfectionism? Enjoying what I write is super important to my process and with keeping me going, but the constant over-worrying and embarrassment of what I put down really slows me down and leaves me feeling terrible lol... I know I need to learn to think differently of my own work but I’m a bit uncertain of where to start and what else I could try and appreciate instead. Sorry if this is too vague or broad of a question! No pressure to come up with a solid, one answer or anything. Just hearing your thoughts/experiences would be helpful!

This is a really, really good question! I wrote THIS ask that sort of addresses this too, if you haven't already seen it!

I think at the end of the day, loving your writing despite perfectionism all comes down to graceful self-compassion. Not every day is going to be perfect. Sometimes I still hate my writing (me! right! now!), and it's good to know that ahead of time. If I'm aware I'm not always going to like my work (which is realistic for me), I can then also tell myself that it doesn't make sense to harp too long on things I don't like when my opinion will inevitably change.

Some days it's really about gritting your teeth and pretending you like the work (also! me! right! now!). Find words or lines or images you like and focus your energy there!

One of the mistakes I made when first endeavoring on my writing self-love journey was making goals that were too big. I remember when I wrote Moth Work, the goal was "let's just dump all my shit writing here and see where that goes" and where that went was me developing severe perfectionism LOL. I then went alllll the way to other extreme and was like "okay well let me make all this writing perfect" which is literally an impossible task! Eventually I found the middle.

Now, I'm able to write something like Seventh Virtue and be like "ah yes, let me dump all my shit writing here" because the project also demands different things. For MW, it made no sense to ask myself of that when a HUGE part of what I enjoyed about writing that book was the actual prose itself (I mean makes sense, it's literary fiction). For SV, the prose is important, but not THE most important thing, so my goal of "don't care what happens I just want to have fun" is more feasible within those genre constraints.

So perhaps look at the project you're writing & see where you can create a realistic goal for yourself? I find asking what I like about the project helps inform those goals. So as I said, I liked the pretty prose in MW, so I wanted to retain that. The goal then became, "alright, I'll draft what I can in the moment, and I'll accept that at points, I'm not going to feel comfortable and I will feel cringe and I will feel embarrassed. But after my drafting session, I'll come back and tinker with the draft if needed" (this is actually how I'm currently writing BODY BACK haha).

For Seventh Virtue, I'm quite sensitive to the plot being causally warranted, so the goal is "okay, I'll try to draft each scene from the previous so a firmer causal chain is created, but I will miss scenes, write scenes that aren't needed, etc, and that's fine because I can address that later."

When I realized I could tailor my goal for the specific project, things really opened up for me because it showed me I didn't need to stick to one writing process. On here, y'all get basically first draft Seventh Virtue (99% of it hasn't been touched since coming out of my brain), but get a franken first draft-ish (sometimes 2nd or 3rd) of BB because I cycle through phrasings in my mind while I write (which I don't do in SV LOL). Those are two different drafting processes, so they deserve two different goals so I can better enjoy them.

Also I would say... don't be afraid of discomfort. Writing is so uncomfortable sometimes. I mean look at me in 2020--I HATEEDDD MW! And now it's like... the best thing I've ever written, IMO. We're not objective critics of our own work when we go into it hating it so much (or being embarrassed/ashamed by it, etc, whatever emotion fits your current situation). So that shows us the feelings we're having are feelings, not facts. And feelings are good to have! But they don't have to dictate everything forever. Feel them, and then *try* to accept them and move on. That might not be easy, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

I used to STRESS so much when a sentence/scene/paragraph wasn't working. Is that how I explain the 30-60k of each novel I cut between 2018-2020? Yep! Now I stress a little less. And I hardly cut things until I get to the actual revision process (~2k/project).

Okay finally, I've been meaning to use this analogy and this is the perfect timing for it. I've been learning the fun fingerstyle guitar in Jeff Buckley's version of Corpus Christie Carol for almost two months now. When I first started learning that song, LOL, I couldn't play ANYYYY of it. It confused me. I was frustrated. But, I genuinely knew that if I kept practicing, it'd sound 100% better a couple months from now. And now I can almost play it well haha.

It's funny how writers (me included!) forget that practice and failing and sounding bad and writing nonsense is a very important part of the process, but how in other art forms, it's just a given. My brother is an incredible musician and I would never expect him to play a riff perfectly on the first go when he's only heard it once or twice. When he makes mistakes when playing, I either don't notice at all or don't care because it's a given. I just KNOW that as a musician, if I keep practicing, I'll eventually get it (and I almost always do--in some cases, it's too hard and I quit, and that's fine to do too).

I'm actually learning a new song on guitar rn, I'll record it and put it in a video as a visual haha. The amount of times you play the exact same note over and over again... The amount of times you KNOW you're playing the wrong thing but keep playing it wrong anyway because it hasn't quite clicked... It's all part of it! I still enjoy that practice, because it's fun! We can apply that to writing too.

[avantguardisme]

6 8 9 11 12 + 17! hope u have a safe comfortable flight bb

thank u!! sorry this took a while but i have landed safely in colorado and now have time to answer ✌️

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

god what the fuck did i even watch this year. i think the most correct answer for me is probably either the battle of the brands episode of dimension 20's a starstruck odyssey or just all of a court of fey and flowers.

however please keep in mind that the last episode of mob psycho 100 season 3 does not come out until this wednesday and it will almost certainly take the top spot, so

8. Game of the year? i mean. legally i think this has to be disco elysium for me right? i think i played it for the first time in march and since then i've played it 2 and a half times, started writing meta about it, and in general have been thinking about it constantly ever since. (speaking of, i really need to get back to that third run & make that theoretical essay about representations of maps & space in disco elysium happen)

runners up:

hollow knight (thank u for introducing me to it!!)

the great ace attorney (even though i played it for the first time last year, but my obsession with it got fully reignited in the past few months so it deserves a mention)

(this got kinda long so the rest is under the cut!)

9. Best month for you this year? hm. absolutely no clue because i have a terrible sense of time, so lets say whatever month this summer i came to visit u. july? listen i have the summer off all the months blur together

11. Something you want to do again next year? many things! direct a show again! come visit u again! do more translations! write more fanfiction! the possibilities are endless!

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year: answered! but because i did in fact make more than one friend this year, i'll say i also got closer with more people from my department and made friends with a lot of new people there! especially a lot of linguistics people who are very fun

17. Post a picture from the end of the year

most of the pictures i take are boring as hell so i'll post a couple

a pic of my new bookshelf that i put together this weekend + my newly rearranged living room

iconic kazuma asogi moments from my most recent tgaa playthrough

some cool notes from an old book i read for a project this semester! they are in french though so i dont know what they say :(

[teyamsatan]

Okay so, for the context I am at my grandparents house. Since little there was this boy living next to. We were always playing together being little, with my cousins and neighbours. We didn't come back for long, but enventually we did and it was different (we live far away). Like yes we grew and stuff, but he acted weird and I just need to now if it meant something or not.

Sooorry is so lonnng

So he came by to see my grandparents and I was minding my business, not really caring because we haven't seen eachother for awhile. My grandfather then comes by and tells me he would like if I came by (I know it sounds obvious and stuff but the unsure thing comes after). Out of a sudden he pops up in the garden and comes by with my mom (she told me she saw him and invited him back). He smiles and stuff and we start talking to catch after all these years. He said he knew I was there because my cousin wrote to him (she lives there too, near by). I just ask to joke, if they are flirting with each other (because they had a young two days teen thing haha). He said no (he doesn't like girls smoking) while looking at me weirdly, then he invites me to his home and wtf there was nobody. Sooo now ! There are the confusing things coming up !

- On one hand he offers me dessert (really good, chef one that his father only bought for him and gives one to me but on the other hand he is distant (physically with me).

- He talks about his love life out of nowhere (that he broke up and he is visibly single), also asks about my love life. I say that I am not I rusher. He then says that what I say makes sense and that he'd try to be like it. After he is kinda weird.

- We laugh and have a really good time (it's like yoyo). We even saved a baby bird and fed it (it was old enough to be saved. It's quite bushy where we live). I then say we should head back, because I didn't want my grandparents to worry since I left with no word (But it's 1 min away by foot so it wasn't a big deal). He is weird again and, but he clearly asked me these an hour before (if they would worry ?) Huhhhh ?

- He says he needs to leave, because friends are coming home for the night. But at a moment we were just sitting silently and I said that he can go if he has to and he says no no. So then we enventually start talking again.

- I ask him a moment about my cousin's number that I lost and ask him if he has it, he says that I'll see her anyways when she'll come the next day. Silent. He asks if I have social media. I simply answer him, but he doesn't say anything. To tease I ask if he wants my number. He says no (it was a chuckle, not mean. He ignores), but then he talks to me more than before. Wtf ?

- Lastly we hang out a bit, walking around the park, and says out of a sudden he needs to go. I say nicely it was cool, he ignores me ? AND I JUST remembered he kissed me (the goodbye kisses okay, but he didn't do it when he saw me. Wtf I am so stupid, did I really miss it. And plus just kissed back as nothing. Maybe it was just to say "yeah I like you but no" or the other way... ? I hate being so naïve sometimes). But he mumbled under his breath "yeah bye" and just left... !

Okay I am very confused haha... I would be honored if you'd give me some advices and explain me wtf he wants with me. Does he want something ? Is he playing ? Just to be clear, I am not searching for anything and not in a moment was inquisitive about something like this, flirting,.... So it would only come from him about any flirting sh*t haha. All the time it felt like a flirting thing and at the same time it was friendly. You know the just sweet friendly funny time. Plus these weird blanks and silences. To be honest I don't really want anything with him I am just trying to understand his brain (endless game ? Maybe lol)

I need help ! Anyways, sorry for this long stupid situation....

ILY bby byee !!💕💗💖

hi bb sorry i couldn't answer this last night, i was so tired after finishing monster in me :(

soo, i hope i'm understanding this correctly, but to me it seems like he's into you (inviting you to his home alone, giving you a dessert that seems special to him, clearly asking you about your love life and volunteering information about the fact that he's single) but maybe doesn't want to appear too eager, he seems like he wants to maintain some aloofness, and also he might be catching on to the fact that you might not really be interested, so he's playing it cool to figure you out?

that's what i'm getting from this, at least hahahah

hope this helps and do let me know how it goes xx

good luck and smooches x

[inkykeiji]

hey bby! at first I wanted to send you a private message, but I couldn’t so instead I’m writing this ask.

I feel like I am at my lowest point; several situations have brought my life to a point in which my happiness, serenity, health and social life are deeply affected- in a negative manner. Trying to keep this TW free, I just wanna say that your stories have helped me take my mind off everyday struggles and find peace for a few moments.

Thank you for creating all these amazing stories that give ppl like me company and strength. Lysm💓💓💓💓

AH HELLO HELLO OH MY GOSH THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN ON MY MIND SINCE THE DAY YOU SENT IT, MY SWEET ANON <333

i literally do not possess the words to tell you how much this ask means to me. when i first received it, i cried. seriously!!! your words mean the whole entire world to me anon; that is such a seriously wonderful compliment and a massive honour to be bestowed, thank you so very much for sharing this with me <33333 you are absolutely beautiful and i will (also) never be able to tell you how much i appreciate you and how grateful i am to have you here with me!!!

i've re-read your ask about a billion times because it is so so so special to me, and i just <333333 i've said this before, so you might've already heard it, but my secondary main goal with my writing (aside from writing for myself, for personal reasons and personal comfort) is to bring others a bit of comfort or entertainment or escape or whatever it may be, which is why hearing such lovely words from you made me so emotional <3 seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much <3 i've realized, as i've gotten older, just how important it is to have media like that in your life, because sometimes it's all we've got (and there have definitely been times where it's been all i have). so i understand, and i'd like to help, even if it's just a little, through my work <3 i hope this all makes sense i'm rambling a little but i'm trying to convey just how important your message is to me hehe <33

i love you so much anon, truly and genuinely. i am so sorry you're having such a rough time, and i want you to know that there is someone out there who is rooting for you and cheering for you, who loves and cares about you. me and my work are here for you!!! i hope that my little corner on the internet can always be a place for you to escape and breathe for a moment, and i want you to know that you will always be welcomed with warm and open arms here <3 it will get better, sweetpea, for you and i both. we just have to keep pushing and finding these little glimmers of hope and happiness as we move forward, you know? at least we have each other!!! <33333

oh anon i am sending you all of the love and the strength in the world <3 whatever it is you're going through right now, i know you can keep going and push through it, and i know it's going to be worth it for the both of us. i love you so much <3 bless you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a beautiful, meaningful message, i appreciate it <333

[littlepadika]

🎀 pink (Din)

🧼 laundry detergent (fake dating)

🍄cottage core (innocent kink)

with some fluff and smut included maybe?? 🥺👉👈💘

Hi @ppslutt I don't think we've interacted so hello! Thank you for this request! Omg i am both soft and amused by this idea. Hope you like this... Din is such a cheeky bb but at the same time a feral fucking machine hehe

500 follower celebration (closed now)

Warnings: Asshole ex boyfriend, protective mando, innocent reader, unprotected piv smut, fingering, 18+

source: @reilink

"Can I sit here?"

Din startled. He had been glaring holes into the metal table at the cantina for so long he almost forgot there were other people around. He was in between bounties. Waiting for Karga to come up with something worth his time.

He nodded at the seat across from him which you fell into. He would usually say no, preferring to be left alone, but you were hardly a threat. Young and apparently unarmed. You looked stressed. Eyes darting all over the room. Were you in trouble?

"Thank you." You tapped your fingertips on the table. "My ex is here and I don't want him to see me alone."

"Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No." You stare down at your lap. "I just don't want to talk to him."

That made sense, but Din couldn't understand why you were talking to him specifically. Most people feared Mandalorians. He expected you to want to hire him or ask him to kill your ex. You glanced over your shoulder. Din followed your gaze, identifying the man in question, an arrogant looking human with his arm around a girl with her back to you both.

"I'll leave you alone in a minute." You turned your attention back to him. "What's your name, sir?"

"Mando." He grunted. You replied with your name. Din's ears perked up when he heard it. The sound of it echoing in his mind. He had never heard such a name before. "Have you ever seen a Mandalorian before?" Din couldn't help but ask.

"Is that what you are?" You felt embarrassed at his amused tone. "Am I supposed to bow or something?"

Din chuckled, which came out as a crackle through the voice coder. "No. But people tend to stay away from me because- because we're killers."

"Oh." You swallowed a gasp. It never occurred to you to be afraid. "I didn't know. I've never been off world."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You snapped your head up to see your ex standing over you, an angry look on his face. "I thought you didn't like going out."

"I-I can go where I please!" You jut your chin out.

"Fucking bitch. You're just spying on me, aren't you?" Your ex spat. Din clenched his fist, not liking the way this bastard was speaking to you. He could easily break this man's arm and hardly break a sweat.

"I'm not!" You cried shrilly. "I didn't know you'd even be here."

"What are you doing with him?" Your ex turned to Mando with a sneer. "Tryin to make me jealous?"

"Obviously it worked." You glared. "Now go away."

"No hang on- you're gonna come with me and we're gonna talk."

"I think it's time for you to go." Din rested his hand on his holster, his voice impossibly low. You shivered in your seat.

"Whatever." The man gave up, backing up a little. "Good luck with this one, Mando. She's a prude."

You looked down in shame feeling angry tears sting your eyes. It was hard to believe you once loved this asshole. Din felt his temper flare in his chest. Your ex finally left, looking over his shoulder a few times to watch you and Din.

"I'm sorry." You wrapped your arms around yourself. "I'll leave you alone now."

"I don't mind." Din said, surprising himself. He hated seeing you so upset. He thought about going up to that bastard and putting a hole in his chest, but that wouldn't make you feel better. "Can I get you something?"

"I don't know." You looked up at the bar trying to read the menu overhead.

"What kind of fake boyfriend would I be?" Din joked, hoping to see you smile. It worked. You let out a small giggle into your hand that made Din's heart constrict strangely. He ordered you a Tatooine Sunset.

"You don't want one?"

"No. Thank you." Din hesitated before adding "I don't remove my helmet."

"Ever?" Your eyes widened.

"Not in front of people."

"Oh." You took a small sip. "It's really yummy. Thank you."

Din noticed the prick from earlier still watching you both. "Come over here, ad'ika." He tapped the seat next to him.

"Why?" You asked, looking up from your cup.

"Because that nurf herder is watching us."

"Oh." You frowned, moving to sit next to Mando.

"Lean into me."

"Like this?" You asked again, tilting your head onto his cold beskar paldron.

"Yes. Good." Din nodded, enjoying the look of anger that passed over that bastard's face. "Sit closer."

"I-I am." You blushed, moving until your legs were pressed against him. He wasn't super comfortable with all the metal.

"On my lap, ad'ika." Din patted his thigh. He was being bold but something about your instant trust in him made him want to hold you closer. Feel your soft body on his. You go bright red as you stand and then perch on his knee. His gloved hand covered your lower back.

"Look at him." Din instructed, smirking behind his helmet.

"Oh he's so mad." You giggled. "This is fun, mando."

"It is, ad'ika." Din couldn't' help but agree.

"Wh-what does adeeka mean?" Your tongue got caught on the syllables.

"It means 'little one'."

"I'm-i'm not a child." You frowned, ducking your head. A weak objection as you were sitting in his lap right now.

"It's not just for children." Din placed another arm around your legs, pulling them more securely onto his lap. He regretted that he was in full armor because he could not feel you but that was also probably a good thing or else he'd be hard. You smelled divine.

"Mando he's still staring." You whispered against his cowl which was surprisingly soft.

"Shall we make him even more uncomfortable?"

"Mhm." You nodded, kissing Mando on his cool beskar helmet, where his cheek would be. "How's that?"

"You can do better than that." Din encouraged, enjoying the little game.

"Oh yeah!" You grinned, feeling your competitive spirit rising. "How about this?" You lowered your head, leaning against his neck, kissing him through the cowl. You could feel his warm neck and strong pulse against your lilps. He swallowed hard, his hand tightening over your thigh.

"We should walk out now. Really make him jealous." Din suggested, mostly to stop you from giving him a full on erection.

"Oh yeah." You hopped off his lap, taking his large leather clad hand in yours. "Come on."

Once outside in the warm sun you laughed at your antics. You had never had so much fun. You used to fear your ex. He was mean and cruel. You felt safe now that you had Mando. You tried not to worry what would happen when Mando was gone. Din watched you hungrily, beaming up at him, your face lit up in the daylight. He subtly turned off his tracking view in his visor so he could just see you without any distractions on his screen.

"Thank you Mando."

"You're welcome." He let go of your hand making your face fall. "What's wrong?"

"I want to keep playing."

"What do you propose?" Din felt his cock twitch behind his flight suit.

"I think he would be really jealous if I had marks on my neck." You suggested boldly. Din shook his head in disbelief.

"You are not a prude, you know that? I'm sorry he said that to you."

"I was only a prude with him. He was ugly." You grimaced but recovered. "You're beautiful, Mando, and I want- I want you. Not just to make him jealous but I want you."

"Oh Ad'ika..." Din chuckled. "We can do both."

This led to Din taking you in the alleyway behind the cantina. First he knelt down between your legs and fingered you until you were dripping into his hand. He wanted to watch your little cunt squeeze and flutter. Your little mewls grew louder and louder until you came with a cry. Din loved how innocent you were. You didn't even know how to be quiet. You didn't hide your pleasure. He hoped your shitty ex was listening. Hearing your sounds that he never got to draw from you.

Next he stood lifting you up with ease onto his hips. You were already delirious from your first orgasm you shot up to the stars when he entered you. You tightened your legs around his waist, holding onto his broad shoulders. All thoughts of being seen or herd left your mind. You were overwhelmed, Mando pushing into every corner of your senses along with your pussy.

"Fuck..." Din grunted, feeling your hot walls suck him to the hilt. It had been so long he realized how sensitive he was. And you were so tight. He held your ass up, pulling it to grind into him with every stroke.

"Oh Mando!" Your head fell back against the wall. "This-it's so good."

"Mmm you feel amazing, ad'ika. So fucking perfect." Din watched your face slacken with the pleasure he was giving you, your plush lips teasing him. He wanted to feel them. He wanted to put his lips over every inch of you. Your eyes were drooping, staring right into his visor.

"Stay with me, little one. Look- look at us." He fucked harder, leaning back slightly despite the ache in his lower back, watching the point where your flesh met. Your little swollen clit was sitting right on top of his dick, smashing against his pelvis with every stroke.

"Oh-Maker-I'm gonna cum again." You cried, scrabbling against his shoulders for better leverage. You wanted to fuck him back. Din readjusted his grip allowing one hand to be free to circle your clit.

"Who's making you cum?"

"You! You, Mando!" You cried feeling your stomach go incredibly tight then spasming with your orgasm.

"You think anyone else could make you feel this?" Din sped up also nearing his own climax. His voice was rough and torn up, cracking and stressing the voicecoder.

"No-no one else!" You answered eagerly, wanting to please him. "I don't want anyone else."

"Good girl. Fuck- you want to be mine?" He felt his cock twitching. He was seconds away from cumming inside of you. This was the last chance to pull out.

"I want to-be yours- please." You nodded vigorously, looking up at him so he could see you meant it. You dug your heels into his lower back. His grunts became short and quick with each thrust then he came abruptly, crashing his forehead against yours. You gasped feeling the spot where you were joined grow incredibly wet.

"Stars..." Din hissed feeling his pleasure prickle down his spine into his cock. "You mean it, ad'ika?"

"Yes. Show me the stars, Mando."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My masterlist

500 Follower Celebration Masterlist

Permanent Taglist: @ajeff855 @what-iwish-you-knew @kirsteng42 @fan-of-encouragement @sleep-tight1 @pascalisfairyy @ceniington, @prettypedros 🧁, @pascal-rascal424 @axshadows @prideandpascal @frenchyjuju @pedrosmustache @blackmarketmummy @Idreamofboobear @pretty-brown-eyess @persephones-garden @javierpinme @mylittlesenaar @bellaorisa @elinedjarin @beskarboobs @beskar-candy @dindjarinneedsahug @anaaaispunk @headinthestarz

Din Taglist: @a-skov @pasckles

[lovinkiri]

Hi bb! I hope you are doing well and you better be taking care of yourself. I care about you and I want you to be happy and healthy. I’m back at it again with a soft request if you don’t mind. Feel free to do it however you wish should you choose to do it at all. Todoroki, Midoriya, and Aizawa are feeling self conscious about their scars. So their fem s/o who has quite a few scars from hero work herself stands up while wearing shorts and ditches her shirt and stands in front of them while turning around to show all of her scars. Then asks “do you think my scars make me less beautiful?” When they obviously say that they don’t she then says “now you know how I feel about you.” How would they react? Bonus points if Aizawa’s and Todoroki’s s/o also has a scar on her face, like her jaw and it’s usually hidden by hair but he always runs his thumb across it when holding her face. Sorry if that part is super specific I just think it would be really cute. Also I don’t see Aizawa getting self conscious unless he’s has a rougher day than usual and something provokes that thought process. So if you can’t think of anything feel free to skip him. Thank you for reading this I know it’s super long. Have a good night or day or whenever you’re reading this and please remember to eat at least one good meal and drink plenty of water. 💖💜💙

Scars Are Beautiful

Author's Thoughts: 🥺 I love this. ND I'm SOOO sorry it's late! And thank you darlin <3

Warning: Scar?(idk)

Shoto Todoroki

Shoto doesn't usually think about his scar much.

I mean, it's been years and he's gotten used to it.

But it happens.

Days where he can't help but notice how clear Bakugou's skin is.

And Midoriya's got a scar or too, but nothing like his eye.

And suddenly, he just feels.. Gross.

He'll be quiet about it at first, but it's easy to tell when he's bothered cause he just stares off.

And when you ask what's wrong, he answers hesitantly.

"I just.. Do you find my scar to be.. Gross..?"

You almost can't believe what you're hearing.

Shoto Todoroki?

Gross?

It does not make sense.

But you rush to take your clothes off and his eyes go wide in confusion.

Sitting on his lap, you place his hand on your largest scar, which extended from the top of your ear to your jaw.

"Am I gross?"

Now he can't believe what he's hearing.

"What? Of course not, Y/n.. You're perfect."

You smile and kiss right over his scar.

"That's how I see you."

You swear he blushes a little before pulling you into a hug.

Because if you think he's as beautiful as he thinks you are?

You must find him drop dead gorgeous.

Izuku Midoriya

He was looking at old pictures from high school.

And when he saw himself, he couldn't help but smile at first.

It was a picture taken of him, Bakugou, and Todoroki.

Bakugou was leaned against him as Todoroki gave a small smile.

And Izuku was laughing, rubbing at his arm.

His arm..

At the time of the picture, Izuku didn't have many scars.

They were here and there.

But now, they littered his arms and legs.

His body too.

And now, looking at what used to be, he couldn't help but look at what it was now.

And he couldn't stop his eyebrows from creasing.

He began to wonder if you minded the scars.

Were they eyesores?

And speak of the devil, you appeared leaning over his shoulder.

"Oh my God, you were adorable." You laughed.

And he jumped in surprise before sighing at the realization that it was just his partner.

"You scared me, Doll.. Um, I guess so. Definitely changed a bit."

His gaze fell back to his photo book and you, being his partner, were able to pick up on his sadness.

"Hey.. What's wrong, Zuzu?"

He sighed and began to tell you about his insecurities, not able to meet your gaze.

And as soon as you start stripping, he's blushing.

"Wha- Y/n? What are you doing?!"

You stand before him and motion to your body, to your scars.

"Am I ugly?"

He shook his head. "Huh? No, no! You're beautiful, Doll!"

You smile and tell him that's how you see him.

And his eyes seem to almost sparkle before he's scooping you in a huge hug.

"I love you. I love you so so much.."

Shouta Aizawa

Okay okay

But you're right, Aizawa doesn't get self conscious.

Between you, sleeping, and his students, he has no time to be self conscious.

He literally just can't fit being self conscious into his schedule lol

But he overhears a female reporter on his way out of the school.

"With a scar like that, I'd hate to be his wife. It's such a turnoff."

The glare he gave her sent every reporter running.

And he had the whole walk home to think about it.

A turnoff?

Was it that unattractive?

Now he was upset.

Because he was so bothered, he couldn't take a nap when he got home.

See? Messes up his schedule.

And you watch him toss and turn in confusion.

"Shouta? What's wrong, honey?"

He considers stating quiet all together before mumbling "It's nothing"

It might take some coaxing.

Some head pats and some sweet talking.

Maybe throw in a forehead kiss or two.

And his expression stays the same but he eventually lets it out.

"Do you find my scar unattractive?"

You definitely didn't expect that.

But once you start stripping, he watches you, hand falling against your thigh.

"Look at me. In fact- Look at this."

You point to a scar running along your jaw.

"Am I unattractive?"

He leans in and gently kisses the scar.

"Not at all."

You tell him that's how you see him.

He was kinda expecting you to say it, but hearing you say it out loud brought a faint smile to his face.

And with that, he pressed his face into your neck and passed out.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Romanced companions (fo4) react to a distressed female soul telling them she found out she's turning into a ghoul (she's known it for a while but she's been too afraid to tell them, worrying about how they'd react)

Romanced! FO4 Companions React to F!Sole Turning into a Ghoul

Thank you so much for the ask anon! (and for your patience, I know you sent this one in forever ago 😅)

I always kind of wondered how the companions would react to this if it was a function of the game 🤔 So I'm glad I got to explore it a bit! I hope you enjoy!

Cait:

No. Not her. Not her Sole. Cait thought, unable to grasp the news Sole had just revealed to her. Her partner was too strong, she was too careful. She was from before the bombs, before the radiation! How could this have happened?

In her mind, it would have made a lot more sense for Cait to turn into a ghoul long before Sole. Her arse actually deserved the pain of watching her physical self peel away day by day, but not Sole. Her companion, her partner, the one damn person she actually loved... No, Sole was too good for this. But the two of them, they could beat it, they could reverse it somehow. One of those vaults could hold the answer, like it did for her, even after she had thought it was too late.

Cait didn't want to stop the change because she had anything against ghouls, really, because she doesn't. But she couldn't stand the sight of her luv's face when, at the light brush of her fingers through her once silky locks, she felt them fall to the ground in webbed clumps, Cait couldn't stand the pain in Sole's expression as her skin began to shrivel and peel off, she couldn’t witness one more instance of Sole glancing in a mirror with such immense sadness in her eyes. And Cait became very troubled when she realized that Sole would be here long after she was dead. Cait couldn't stand to face reality without her partner after all that she's done for her, and now Sole was staring that reality in the face. The poor lass had already outlived everyone she's known and loved once, and now she had to do it all over again, who knows how many times? It just wasn't fuckin' fair.

Well, once Cait had accepted Sole's change as permanent, she would do everything in her power to ensure the pair made the most of their years together, giving absolutely no fucks about Sole's new appearance. And should anyone else decide to look at her the wrong way, or, God forbid, say something to her about it, Cait's fist would be unholstered and swinging before the offensive words could even leave their worthless lips.

Curie:

She would feel sorry for Sole, and constantly be there for her as a source of support. When her love had told her what was happening, Curie had been shocked. Sure, she had noticed a few changes in her partner’s body, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be anything too serious. Still, this wasn't the worst that could happen, Curie would know, after all of the diseases and viruses she had worked with in the vault. Yet... the synth still found her chest throbbing at the thought of watching her love deteriorate before her eyes.

Throughout Sole’s change, Curie would do what she could to lessen the symptoms. There was no “cure” for being a ghoul, but Curie would feel awful if she didn’t at least try.

As Sole’s condition became more and more obvious, she would do everything in her power to make sure her partner knew that she still loved her. Curie had been a reprogrammed Miss Nanny when Sole had found her, she'd been nothing more than a metal machine when Sole had selflessly saved her, and yet, she had found a way to love her for who she was, despite what she was, and she had been there every step of the way as she made the change to her synth body. Curie would be happy to return the favor tenfold.

Also, throughout the process of Sole's change, if anyone was rude to her love, about anything, Curie would be at them with harsh words and a firm teacher’s voice as she gave the ill-mannered stranger a quick ghouls-101 education session.

Danse (Post BB):

Oh… Oh God. Not this. Not her, not his beautiful Sole. The ex-paladin’s stomach would drop as she quietly forced out her confession, refusing to meet his wide, despairing gaze.

He didn’t know what to do. Danse was horrified. Not for the first time in his life, he felt like his world was crashing down all around him. Everything good in his life seemed to revolve around the person in front of him, but all of his love, his devotion, all of the effort he put into protecting this one person he had left, that he valued above all else in his life, it was all in vain. Because now… she was turning into something that he had always feared. Something that he had been taught and trained to despise, to think of as vermin that needed to be extinguished. It was the way he felt about himself when he found out what he truly was. He never wanted to feel that way towards her, never thought he would have been able to, and even now… he found that he couldn’t.

It didn’t matter what she was turning into, what she’d become, she was still Sole. And he was committed to her, he was loyal to her. Godammit, he loved her for Christ's sake. He wasn’t about to let this calamitous development change any of that. She certainly hadn’t when it had been him in her place.

Danse would still often have trouble with his internalized prejudices left over from his time with the Brotherhood, but he would try his heart out for her. Every passing day brought more changes to the woman he loved, each one serving as a reminder to what the end result would be, and witnessing it would break his heart into pieces.

It was strange though, it wasn’t as devastating as he had thought it would be, in the beginning. Sole was still herself, even underneath all of the physical changes, she was still here beside him, and in the end, that’s all Danse really needed.

Deacon:

For once, Deacon remained silent. His brows furrowed low beneath his sunglasses and his hand came up to rub at his mouth, as though he were trying to physically pull out a response. He cleared his throat, and his hand went up to remove his glasses so he could look Sole in the eye. A rare sight, one that made her pulse quicken further as the apprehension of her confession really set in.

Deacon had already known, or… suspected, rather, but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. It wouldn’t be the first time the Railroad agent's experienced this kind of dread. When he had found out his wife was a synth, he had felt this same crippling pressure in his chest. But he didn’t say that, Sole didn’t need to hear about his problems, no, not again. Now she needed him to help with hers.

So, the spy would nod at her, and ask her what she needed from him. He's a knowledgeable guy, everyone knows that, Sole most of all, so if she needed anything as far as information on what she was about to go through, he would be able to provide it. Better yet, he could bring her to quite a few folks he knew who had gone through the same sorta hell themselves.

Beyond that, not much else would change. Deacon isn't one to put much stock in a person's physicality, what kinda daft and inconsiderate hypocrite would he be if he did? Hell, he may even speak to a surgeon about altering his appearance to become more ghoul-like if that was something Sole cared about. But honestly? He just would want his partner to know that it didn't matter to him.

"Thought you could get rid of lil old me just by going ghoul? Heh, sorry, cuddle muffin, but it looks like you're still stuck with me."

Sole had been able to forgive him for everything he's done, she hadn't judged or ridiculed him for being a bigoted assface for the first half of his life, and she'd accepted him for the compulsive liar and emotion-dodging, sarcastic smart-ass that he was now; sooooooo, yeah. This whole ghoul thing? Not a problem. Just another glorious and compelling chapter in this wacky book called life.

Hancock:

Hancock becomes the literal epitome of empathy. He knows what this shit's like, he's gone through the motions. He remembers the nightmarish sight of his flesh falling from his body in shriveled tatters, he recalls his once silken voice dissolving to his current raspy timbre, he knows what it's like to see the bright vibrance of his irises vanish over the course of a couple weeks, slowly dissolving to the blackness that he now saw the world through.

But with Hancock, it had been his choice. Okay, so he didn't know for certain that he'd become a ghoul, but he had been ready for it, had known it was at least a possibility. With Sole though, she didn't sign up for this shit. She didn't deserve to go through the same kinda hell he did. He wanted to go through hell, felt like he deserved it. But his gorgeous sunshine? The light of his life, the kindest, most selfless person he'd ever met? Nah. She didn't deserve to watch herself develop the likeness of a certain sorta dehydrated fruit.

Hancock would be sure to tell her every day just how incredible she was, how brave, and strong, and how she was still beautiful beyond belief, no matter what. He would show her how he felt. Showering her in gifts and affection, taking her out to prove to her that he could never even think to be embarrassed by her in any capacity whatsoever. He loved this woman, he cherished her. Every irradiated bit of her.

And now… now the best part. Hancock would try not to seem too overexcited, knowing that this whole process was traumatic and painful for his love, but now he could spend the rest of their lives making her see just how much one person-- one ghoul-- could love another. He'd been terrified out of his mind when he thought he would outlive Sole, by who knows how long. But now… now they had an eternity to spend together, or, however long it is ghouls live for. Whatever, no matter how much time they had, Hancock would never be convinced it would be enough. He just supposes the rest of their long lives will simply have to do.

MacCready:

He'd try not to give away his heartbreak as he gazed back at her, his face draining of all it's color as those fateful words escaped her with a sob. This was a nightmare of MacCready's. He hadn't ever told Sole what he saw that night he had woken up screaming, he had told her he couldn't remember the dream, and she had said "maybe that was for the best." If only he'd been telling the truth. In reality, what he saw was the immensely frightening sight of Sole taking his late wife's place in that horrific memory that was forever burned into his brain. Her body engulfed by a throng of writhing ferals as she shrieked out his name. As with all of his dreams like this, MacCready was rooted to the place he stood, forever imprisoned as a bystander to the brutality taking place before him. The agony only ceased when the pack of feral ghouls dispersed, revealing Sole, now as one of them. She had raced towards him, hunger and madness glinting in the opaque depths of her dark, iris-less eyes. The mercenary couldn't get the image out of his head as he watched the color in Sole's eyes fade away over time, her skin losing its divine smoothness, her soft hair drifting to the ground in wisps of somber defeat.

The couple had cried a lot in those weeks of her change. The process was heart wrenching for the both of them to witness; but MacCready stuck by her side. He could be stronger than his nightmares, than his fears, when it came to Sole.

When the day finally did come when she was referred to as a ghoul by a perfect stranger, MacCready had almost been surprised. It had taken time for her to look this way, to sound this way, and he had hardly noticed the extent to which his partner changed until looking at old renderings and pictures of her from before the bombs. This was just who she was now.

She wasn't a monster, a ravenous zombie that he feared and despised. She was Sole. She still acted like his love, her voice still resembled that of his partner's, her eyes had lightened to a blue that outshone his own, which he was clearly not bitter about, and she still was just utterly his Sole. The same woman he had fallen for in the first place, the one he thought he'd never be lucky enough to be loved by in return. But now, even behind all the changes, he could still see her there, and he could certainly still love her.

The nightmares became much less common after her transformation, oddly enough. And when he finally introduced Sole to Duncan, he was terribly worried that the boy would hate her, that he would remember that traumatic night when the pair had lost a mother and a wife, and that he would be afraid of her. But his son hardly seemed to notice Sole's condition, as he shook her hand and introduced himself with enthusiastic giddiness. Later, Duncan might voice some questions to her about being a ghoul, but they were always out of genuine curiosity.

MacCready couldn't have been more proud of his child than he was then, or more touched than when Duncan expressed his relief at Sole having a skin condition like this, and yet, she was still able to be loved by someone as great as his dad. The boy himself remembered the way people would look at him before he had been cured of his blue boils, and he didn't wish that on anybody, he'd assured both Sole and MacCready of that one day.

No, MacCready couldn't have been more proud. Of his son, sometimes even of himself as he learned to outgrow his fears, how to muscle through his trauma and be the best father and partner he could possibly be; and certainly, he couldn't have been prouder of Sole.

Nick:

Nick would be remarkably sympathetic, taking Sole's hand in his good one comfortingly as she struggled to get out the confession, and having not even a glimpse of a negative reaction in response to her heart-wrenching words.

“Oh, doll… I’m so sorry.” His fingers would stroke over her hand in an effort to comfort her. He had been surprised by the news, but it wouldn’t change anything. He’d assure her of that. No matter what physical changes Sole underwent; the memories of a certain synth, all metal, and fiberglass, and plastic, and the damn near perfect woman who somehow fell for him would fill his mind, and he wouldn’t be able to keep from telling her just how much she meant to him every single day.

Life would go on, they would go out on cases together, and help the people of the commonwealth as they have nearly since the day they met, but if anyone decided to utter a comment as to Sole’s physical state, they would certainly be faced with a stern talking to from one sassy synth.

He tried to not mention it too early on, but Nick wouldn't be unable to keep the thought buried forever. One day, when Sole was feeling especially despondent about her current state, he’d remind her that he’d always be there for her. Always. Now he didn’t have to worry so much about that dreadful and inevitable fast-approaching day that he would have to bid Sole goodbye as she passed away from her old age, leaving him alone on this ruined earth. He’d just have to hope that she would be as comforted by the thought as he was.

Piper:

The news would be hard to grasp at first, and even after she understood what Sole was telling her, she wouldn't know what to do. How can you fix something like this? This was her Blue they were talking about! She could do anything, she'd survived the bombs, had found the Institute, she had found her son after so many years, had done all of that, just to now have to go through this too? Hasn't Sole been through enough?!

Piper would be angry, and she'd feel horrible watching Sole go through the changes, as she was forced to witness her love's physical form deteriorate before her in just a couple short months. Piper would try to tell Sole to keep her chin up, remind her who she was, of everything she's been through, how much she's overcome; and if anyone wanted to bug her partner about being a ghoul, Piper would tear them to shreds with her words, not caring if she made a scene as she made the stranger realize what horrible mistake they had made speaking to Sole like that. She'd rip ‘em a new one for sure, and spend a good portion of the day making sure her love was alright after the ordeal. The reporter knew how much words could hurt.

She would be utterly supportive, and even, if Sole was comfortable with it, might see if she’s interested in being a sort of poster child for a campaign to allow ghouls back into Diamond City (and God help anyone who tries to keep Sole out of the city before Piper has a chance to change the law officially.)

Preston:

Preston tried to swallow through the lump in his throat, but to no avail. The Minuteman didn’t cry often, or, he hadn’t since meeting Sole. But this… He couldn’t stop the tears from spilling as he drew her into his embrace. His voice surely would have failed him if he had tried to comfort her with his words, so his arms wrapped tightly around her, her head pressed firmly to his chest. That would have to do for the time being.

“Sole, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He managed to whisper to her as his hand came up to stroke gently at her soft hair, trying desperately not to imagine the way it would fall from her head soon enough. He took a deep breath.

“But… I want you to know something. Something really important.” Preston pulled away so he could look into her eyes, hands coming to rest on either of her tear-stained cheeks “This won’t change anything between us. No matter what, you’re still my General, and… and I love you so much. What’s happening to you won’t ever change the way I feel about you.” They’d both be sniveling messes through the night.

But each morning that passed in the coming days, each change Sole underwent, they would take as it came. Preston is a bit of a workaholic, he knows this, and so does Sole, but he’d take a day off if ever her symptoms became unbearable enough. The Minutemen were stronger now than they had been in years, because of her, and so he would try not to feel so guilty about stepping away from his duties to help her.

But he would keep his promise, and, through everything, Sole would remain the General of the Minutemen, with everyone still paying her the respect that the title was due. She would remain the love of his life, he would tell her every day the way that he admired her, tell her how gorgeous he found her, no matter how much her physicality changed, he would remind her of her boundless strength. He just hoped it’d be enough to make her happy, to save her back, in the way she had saved him.

X6-88:

When Sole hesitantly told him about what was happening to her, it had only been after he asked. It was clear to the synth that something was wrong with his partner, but waiting for her to explain on her own had him only becoming more impatient. When she did tell him, he was furious. Certainly not at her, and not necessarily at the Institute’s inability to prevent it from happening, but at the Commonwealth, at the world for doing this to the one he loved. X6 couldn't stand the thought of it, the pain she had to go through. A part of him blamed himself for it. He was meant to protect her, from anything that could possibly harm her, and he had failed. Her changing appearance would be a testament to that failure every day of his life.

In an effort to make it up to her, X6 offered everything he possibly could to his partner, walking her though each and every symptom that came with her change, and ensuring she was utilizing every resource the Institute had at its disposal. Treatments, and skin creams, and supplements, and enough radaway to douse the glowing sea were used in an effort to slow the process of ghoulification, or perhaps even to halt it.

When it inevitably didn’t work, X6 would feel useless, like he had failed in his mission to keep his beloved safe all over again. However, something strange happened to the courser when the one he loves began to physically fall apart in response to the radiation. He didn’t want to leave her. He could stand to look at her, to still love her in the way that he never thought he would be able to, even when she was human. Despite what she had become, she was still his Sole.

After he came to this realization, X6 would take it as a personal mission for himself to ensure that anyone who made Sole feel bad for the way she looked or the way she now spoke would pay dearly for the carelessness of their commentary. X6 would work endlessly to guard his love from insults and dangers alike, from outsiders as well as those within the Institute. That was what he could do for her, what he had to do, if he ever wanted to make it up to Sole. The way he had carelessly let this happen to her... He would never forgive himself, and wonder every day how Sole could, but he will make it up to her. Mark his words.

[elysianslove]

when the stars align; oikawa tōru

requested by anon; ❝ hi bb :) can I request an Oikawa and reader story where they’re two petty/sarcastic best friends. Like they just have that understanding that their love is shown through petty comments or bickering lol but n e ways, the reader gets approached by a guy she doesn’t really like but isn’t thinking and says she’s seeing Oikawa and now they have to act like a couple but all they end up doing is bickering and Oikawa complaining. I hope that makes sense lol thxx <3 ❞

pairing; oikawa tōru x reader 

warnings; it’s the fake dating trope with oikawa tōru. that is a warning in itself

note; i screamed when i found this in my inbox this trope has a special place in my heart and the fact that oikawa was requested??? pls don’t let this flop :(

━ you’re not sure why you said it. you rack your mind for an excuse: you’ve known him too long, you spend majority of your time with him, you had just been texting him a moment earlier — that must’ve been why you’d sprouted that ridiculous excuse to rid yourself of spewing out a futile, useless rejection. there’s an array of mixed emotions on you as you watch the boy before you shrivel in disappointment, sighing in frustration.

“i’m sorry, i’m dating oikawa right now, actually,” you had said, like the liar the same boy you refer to has coerced you into becoming to fuel your endless sneaking out.

the guy before you, honestly nameless due to both your carelessness towards him and your uncomfortableness around him, shoves his hands into his pockets cooly, attempting to shrug it off. “well, you know where to find me in case it doesn’t work out,” he jokes, and you have to fight off the urge to cringe directly in his face at his words.

instead, you lightly smile, more similar to a grimace, and nod politely, before turning and heading in the complete opposite direction, despite the other way having been your initial route. your shaky hands fumble for your phone, and you pull it out, unlocking it and tapping on the messages app.

i did something stupid, you type out, and you’re unsure whether you’re grateful or thrown off by how quick oikawa responds.

not surprising. what did u do

the familiarity of his tone only calms you slightly, and before you can talk yourself out of it, already having thrown yourself too deep when you’d thought up the lie, you explain the situation briefly. instead of a text message response, his caller id flashes across your screen, and your breath hitches. regret begins flooding you, and carefully, you slide to answer.

“i don’t want to hold your hand!” you complain, smacking at his palm when it reaches for yours.

oikawa sighs amusingly, grabbing your wrist anyways and linking your fingers together. against all odds, and to your disappointment, you shiver at the feel of his hand in yours. it’s considerably larger, and despite the fact that this is farthest from the first time you’ve gripped his hand, your insides twist. his fingers are slender, and his palm and the pads of his fingers are soft. for all the years you’ve known oikawa, his hands constantly run cold, and you’ve hated it for multiple reasons. one being the way it gave him an ego boost of ‘cold hands only mean i have a warm heart.’ the second being his infuriating actions of constantly pressing his palms to your skin, specifically the back of your neck. but most importantly, it signifies just how little oikawa tends to care for himself at times, the way his hands shake when it gets too cold, when the world grows too small, the tips of his fingers a bruised blue and purple. and you hate it. even more so, you hate how much you hate it.

despite all this, his hand feels — nice in yours; it’s a comfortable contrast to your own warm hand. still, your frown remains on your face as you see the school gates appear before two of you, never daring to reveal any of your thoughts to him.

“if you didn’t want to hold my hand, you would’ve thought up a better lie,” oikawa argues, and you turn your head to glare at him. he diffuses it easily when his thumb brushes against the back of your hand, your words faltering momentarily. “could’ve had anyone! iwa, mattsun, makki— i know they woulda loved to do this with you.”

“you’re insufferable,” you huff, but your cheeks are painting red, visibly too. he’s right, you realize. he’s terribly right.

“but you still chose me,” he teases.

your hand in his twists until you’re bending his wrist at an awkward, painful angle, until he’s pinching at your arm to force you away. he’s right, but that doesn’t make it mean anything.

by now, you’ve spent more time glaring at oikawa threateningly and in warning than you have your entire friendship with him, and it’s honestly starting to give you a headache. after admitting your situation to the three other third years, and giving them maximum fifteen minutes to laugh until they ran out of breath, iwaizumi included, spend the next twenty minutes huddled up next to oikawa, your chair attached to his.

the guy, who had been persistent enough in asking you out that you’d resorted to this, decided to spend his lunch break in the same area as the five of you, leaving you unable to push away and bicker with oikawa the same way you would any other day. you pick at your food as you avoid his gaze, oikawa’s arm around your shoulder heavy, leaving a trail of sparks up your spine and along your arms. it makes you want to scream, loudly too.

makki and mattsun have resorted to making fun of the guy, whispering between themselves, but it’s still awfully loud enough that there’s no possible way he can’t hear. iwaizumi and oikawa have their attention on each other, discussing some upcoming practice match in the weekend.

and all you’re left with are your thoughts, your nagging, unbearable thoughts, about how pretty oikawa’s hand looks as it hangs by your shoulder, brushing against your arm with every small shift of his body. with shameful, red cheeks, you shut your eyes in frustration, and allow the regret to boil and build in your stomach.

the weeks pass steadily. outside of school, your relationship with oikawa remains unchanged, and although he’s just as touchy as he is with you with an audience, the source of affection continues to be — simply friendship. and whenever you catch any disappointment building because of that, you pinch yourself in reminder than none of it is real. the way he always has an arm around you, the way he fumbles with your fingers, the way he ties your hair back for you while you work on an essay during your break, the way he kisses your cheek, a show of respect for your boundaries, but as a way to reinforce that you’re his in front of anyone, or the way he lets you lift one leg over his own, just because.

and you’re left wondering that if it were real, would it be the same?

he sits before you now, cross legged on your bed, back straightened and mouth stuffed with popcorn, completely engrossed in the movie before him with his eyes wide open. the three other boys are spread across the room: makki laying on his stomach, chin perched on his hands by the edge of the bed, while mattsun and iwaizumi share the couch, drinks in their hands, all three just as enamored by the movie as oikawa. 

you had always been aware of just how pretty he is, and everyone around you has always ensured that you do. was it the way the light from the screen shone in his face, reflecting in his pretty brown eyes and shadowing some of his features? or was it the way he sat so comfortable in your bed, in nothing but sweatpants and a loose shirt because, of course, the four of them were bound to stay the night? was it the way his lips glistened with the water he gulped, or because of the way his tongue poked out to lick at the salt from the popcorn? 

or was it nothing in particular, or everything all at once?

sighing lowly, you shift and sit up, swinging your legs over the side of the bed and heading towards the bedroom door. “i’m gonna grab some water; anyone want anything?” you announce.

none of them seem to hear you, too lost in the movie, but makki turns his head to the side slightly, eyes remaining on the screen, and replies, “no thank you.” it’s all you need to leave the room.

as you walk out, oikawa eyes you, then eyes the filled up water bottles next to where you had been sitting. his heart tightens in his chest.

two months into the fake relationship you’d established with oikawa, and it begins to feel natural. it no longer feels off putting to walk hand in hand with him to school, or to greet him with a grandiose hug and a kiss on the cheek, or to wear his jersey to games and cheer for him from the stands, or to constantly have his ankle looped with yours beneath the table where, despite this all being for show, nobody can really see.

outside of your fake relationship traditions are your friendship traditions, which include, but are not limited to, him walking you home. it’s always been mostly because your mother adores him, or because he prefers the food that’s at your home as opposed to his, or because your home is on the way to his anyways, but it’s a lot closer, so he always ends up staying longer than anticipated.

either way, it’s not unusual that he walks by your side as the moon illuminates your path. it is, however, not very like him to stay quiet the entire way. you can see the roof of your home growing in size as you near it, and he’s yet to say a word to you. it both weirds you out and worries you, and before you can convince yourself you were overreacting, you pause in your step, the gravel beneath you scratching and crunching as you turn to face him.

“alright, spit it out.”

his eyes meet yours, wide and confused. “what?”

you sigh. “something’s up, and you’re either gonna tell me now or i’ll force it out of you later,” you reply.

“i’m not—”

“oikawa.”

“stop it, i’m fine—“

“tōru.”

“i can’t do this anymore.”

your heart stills, and almost as if in understanding, in pity, so does the world around you. the wind no longer howls in agony, respecting your need for silence as the trees around you look on curiously. your brain processes a little slower than your mouth, and you’re asking him, “what are you talking about?” before you could think.

his gaze falls from yours again, and he takes a step back. “i can’t be with you anymore. or — fake being with you anymore,” he admits to you.

you’re not sure why, but you had imagined this scenario to be a lot less earth shattering than it is. maybe you’d grown to like faking it, because it slowly started to become the closest you could get to experiencing it realistically. you refuse to speak, and it isn’t because you’re angry at him. it’s because you genuinely are lost for words. it’s not even a real break up, but it still hurts just as bad, if not worse. it’s your own fault for believing that this, whatever this was, was as simple as it seemed.

“not unless— not unless i can really be with you.”

what?

“what?”

he breathes in steadily, and moves forward, closer, closer, closer to you. his hands rise to your cheeks, cupping them softly, flinching when your breath hitches. but you make no move to push him away, only stare up at him, in wonder, in confusion. he opens his mouth, preparing himself to speak. you expect a monologue, a speech, a declaration of his undying love for you, because it sounds just as dramatic as oikawa is. the moon above you holds its breath, waiting for the band to snap, for the words to spill and drown you. 

but then he kisses you. 

his hands urge you up and he meets you halfway, pressing his lips to yours. they’re soft, and he tastes like cherry, and it’s probably your chapstick if you were being honest with yourself. his mouth moves languidly against yours, as if he’s trying to drag out every moment, as if he wants to purposefully slow down time, begging and pleading for the world around him to stop. the kiss is sweet, gentle, and somehow, kissing him is exactly the way you’d imagined it would. it’s breathtaking, and dizzying, and overwhelming, and needy and it’s beautiful. 

when he pulls back, he doesn’t let go of you. his hands remain cupping your jaw, his mouth hovering over yours. his thumb brushes along your cheek momentarily as he gazes at you, admiring you, as if memorizing every inch and every detail of your features. 

“tōru, you idiot,” you sigh. the insult isn’t foreign to him, not even on your tongue, but he still looks taken aback, and even more so when you reach up and close the distance between you again. the world lives again, the moon celebrating within the clouds, the wind twisting in your hair, whispering and whistling cheerfully by your ear as the trees dance.

 it all comes together, and the stars finally align. 

end note; i’m so happy with this!!! i hope everyone enjoyed reading this as much as i loved writing it!!! <3

[realcube]

comfort with the haikyuu!! boys hcs 💝

characters: kenma, bokuto, ushijima, tsukishima, akaashi

thanks to anon for the request (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

ALL AGED UP! (no mature themes though) (i just like the post-timeskip domestic dynamics)

tw// hurt! reader, swearing, mentions of death, fluff, angst if you squint

Kenma Kuzome

bb has cat senses so he can tell when you’re sad

he can also tell bc you do the exact same thing he does when he’s sad, which is cuddle underneath blankets in bed, play animal crossing and blare lo-fi music to conceal your faint sobs

so when he walks into your shared room and notices you wrapped up in blankets on the bed, he does his best to suppress a snicker whicH HE FEELS SO BAD FOR HAVING IN THE FIRST PLACE

like he knows you’re sad but a part of his mind is just like ‘heh, (y/n) burrito.’ like you just look sO FKN CUTE!!

anyway, the first thing he always does when you’re down is approach you on the bed, sneak under the blankets and join to you to become a (y/n) & kenma burrito 

also, he might turn the speaker off depending on how loud the music is lol but if it’s at an okay volume then he’ll just leave it on and vibe with you for a bit as he desperately wracks his brain, trying to come up with something reassuring to say 

you usually comes up with the something basic like, ‘what’s wrong?’ but i mean, you don’t really mind - at least he’s making an effort and you know it must be difficult for him to think of things to say lol

depending on how sad you are, you might just tell him straight-up what happened or you might text him bc you don’t think you’ll be able to choke out an answer without bursting into tears again

then he’ll ask you if you want to be alone and act accordingly 

assuming that you say ‘no’ bc you want his presence, he’ll just recollect on the last time you comforted him while he was down and mimic it tbh

..you always comfort him so well 🥺 and whenever you console him, he always feels so much better so he just thought that maybe if he imitates you, then it’ll work just as well

so he started off by resting his head on your shoulder and whispering kind things in your ear just like you did to him, ‘you know i love you, right?’ , ‘i hope you feel better soon’, ‘do you want me to bring you some food?’

he’ll seriously do everything in his power to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible 

and he’ll stay as a (y/n) & kenma burrito until you feel better or until the sun rises  ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰)

Kōtarō Bokuto

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again - he’s such an empath and so overdramatic

so when he comes home from work and you don’t run up to the door to give him hugs & kisses- he’s about to burst into tears himself

so he sulks up to your room now IMAGINE HOW SHOCKED HE IS WHEN HE WALKS IN TO SEE YOU CRYING UNDER THE BLANKETS

emo-mode engaged :(

his hair deflates as he pounces on you and wails, ‘(Y/N)! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! ARE YOU OKAY?! WHO HURT YOU?!’ (ಥ _ ಥ)

and the bitch dives on you while you are under the blanket, essentially scaring and suffocating you 

‘bokuto, get off me!’ you shrieked, wriggling out of his grip and out from under the blanket

 when he notices you had escaped the blanket with tear-stained cheeks, he felt even worse 

he threw himself into your arms, howling, ‘(Y/N)!! I AM SO SORRY!’

at this point all the blood had rushed to your head and you had kinda forgotten that you were sad for a moment or two

‘bo! you should know you’re own strength by now.’ you muttered, rubbing the underneaths off your puffy eyes

‘I KNOW!’ he wailed once more, burying his face into the crook of your neck

you sighed while rubbing his back, unable to supress a slight giggle, ‘bokuto..’ 

there was ages of silence between the two of you before he pulled away to look you in the eyes and asked, ‘(y/n), why were you crying before i got here?’

you’d explain the issue to him and he’d do everything in his power to solve it because the way he sees it, why should he try console you when he can just fix the variable that’s making you sad in the first place?

like, if you were just fired from your job, he’ll go full karen and he will call corporate to demand for your job back if you don’t stop him

or if your loved one died, he’ll become a fkn medium or study resurrection

or if you’re just stressed from exams/tests, he’ll just be like ‘why do you need to go to uni anyway?’

‘so i can get a qualification.’

‘why do you need that?’

‘so i can apply for a job.’

‘why do you need a job?’

‘so i can make money, so i don’t starve.’

‘you can have my money!’

you couldn’t help but chuckle at how much life-experience bokuto had, yet he will still so naïve; honestly, you couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not. ‘what if we break up?-”

“DON’T SAY THAT!” he gasped, instinctively tightening his grip on you

Wakatoshi Ushijima

both you and ushijima’s pride did not allow y’all to cry in front of one another 

if you ever had to cry, you’d just run to the bathroom, lock the door, turn on the tap to drown out the sound of your sobs and just let it all out

and if he ever had to cry, he’d just do it in the shower

but like- you both knew when the other one had been crying because of their puffy, damp eyes but you both mutually agreed to not mention it

i mean, up until now y’all had both been able to flourish in the relationship while dealing with emotions on your own so why bother changing?

and if anything, you both felt more comfortable crying to yourselves

 that was, until today

you had cracked under the pressure of your job - you were simply sitting at your desk in the study room, doing some work then it all just came crashing down

ushijima had just stepped out of the shower in his towel and was currently wandering around the house in search of you, to inform you that he ran out of shampoo so it would be greatly appreciated if you were to add it to the shopping list 

but when he entered the study to see you sitting there by your computer, bawling you eyes out..he froze

like he had to do a whole double-take bc he wasn’t sure if he was seeing this correctly

your face was buried in your hands so you didn’t notice him at first but then you heard him awkwardly clear his throat from the doorway and your neck immediately jerked to look at him

it was quite embarrassing for the both of you, ngl

like he was standing there half-naked, staring into your red eyes in hopes that what he saw was just a hallucination

after what felt like hours of deafening silence, ushijima broke it by muttering under his breath, ‘uh, is everything okay?’

‘everything is fine, toshi.’ you replied, forcing a bright smile onto your face as you went back to typing, ‘did you come down here to tell me somethi--’

‘i can tell that there is something wrong.’ he stated, walking towards you while using one had to hold his towel in place and draping the other over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. ‘do you want to tell me?’

you let out a long sigh, resting your cheek against his chest while still staring at the many tabs you had open on your desktop 

but ushijima quickly fixed that by taking your chin in-between his thumb and index finger, then turning your face to look up at him, 

‘work?’ he hummed his assumption

‘yeah.’ you mumbled, quite surprised at how understanding he was being

but then again, ushijima obviously knows what it feels like to be overworked and burnt out too, so he was able to provide a lot of empathy in that sense

Kei Tsukishima

ok a bit of tsukki slander but i feel like tsukishima would make it worse WEILUBRGBE

wait no well, he doesn’t make it worse but he doesn’t make it better either

like he’ll walk into the living room and see you curled up under a blanket on the couch, lightly sobbing from underneath- and he honestly doesn’t know how to act

this is the first time he’s seen you cry bc usually y’all keep your emotions to yourselves - you’re both v independent like that （￣︶￣)

anyway, mans thinks he can just tease the sadness out of you 🙄

‘awh, is my little couch goblin feeling sad?’ he said shakily, clearly intimidated by your figure lying on the couch, and you could tell he was nervous per his use of the nickname ‘couch goblin’

‘‘TSUKISHIMA, FUCK OFF!’ you barked, hastily wiping away your tears and clinging to blanket to prevent him from pulling it away, as the last thing you wanted him to see was your weary figure just so he could tease you about it 

‘bitch, i live here.’ he hissed, rubbing the back of his neck - feeling rather conflicted

on one hand, you seemed serious when you asked him to leave; plus, the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable by staying when you’re already sad

but on the other hand, he genuinely wanted to help

he’d feel bad if he were to just leave his s/o in tears when he could’ve done something to make you feel better 

‘do you really want me to go?’ he asked and for a change, not a hint of mockery or sarcasm was found in his voice

there were several moments of silence until you mumbled from under your blanket, ‘no.’ then proceeded to lift up your arm to allow him to crawl under the blanket and join you

he did so, pulling you against his chest so you could sob lightly against his cotton shirt while being engulfed by warm darkness

‘what could’ve possibly went wrong to make the evilest blanket demon cry?’

‘evilest blanket demon’ - that was definitely a new one, and you’d be lying if you said a small snicker didn’t escape your mouth at how monotonously he was able to deliver such a unique nickname

and after years of being in a relationship with tsukki, you’ve learned to find comfort in these nicknames considering they were a big part of how he expressed love 

in his vocabulary, ‘you’re so annoying.’ is equal to ‘i love you’

so him calling you an ‘evil blanket demon’ was, in his eyes, the highest and most sincere form of flattery

you eventually tell him what happened that made you sad and he just listens 

feel free to ramble on about anything/everything that’s worried you for the last few months bc he’s all ears 

he figured that other than make you dinner and hug you, that was the best thing he could do to help bc he was far from a romantic who’s good with words 

if he tries to console you verbally it would probably come out like ‘uh, don’t cry - i understand what you’re going through, i think, but like- cry if you want. this must be tough for you, to be honest.’

so he just listens to what you have to say and occasionally inputs a lil’ ‘mhm’ or ‘yeah’

he’s probably the most patient with you so you could stay sad on the couch for the next few weeks, as long as you’re eating the meals he delivers to you and you’re staying healthy, he’ll just let you mope until you feel better tbh

Keiji Akaashi

boyfie material right here

i’m hardly an akaashi simp but he’s probably the best at comforting you while you’re sad tbh

because he’s literally been dealing with bokuto and his emo-mode for god-knows how long so he’s very good with reassuring people😌

also, i just know that this man can detect emotions so well- evEN THROUGH TEXT ISTG

he’d text you the usual ‘goodnight ❤’

and you’ll quickly wipe away your tears that were blurring your vision to reply ‘goodnight 💕’ 

then he’ll deadass text back like ‘i’m coming over. what’s wrong?’

HE JUST KNOWS!! don’t question it bc he doesn’t even have a logical answer lol

anyway, he’ll arrive and immediately begin with the reassurance before you even tell him what’s wrong 

‘you’re coping so well, (y/n).’

‘i’m so proud and i love you so much.’

‘is there anything i can do to make you feel better?’

‘would you like a hug?’

‘you’re beautiful, (y/n). i hope you know that.’

‘do you want me to get you ice-cream?’

a king- 👑

also, you weren’t embarrassed to cry in front of him either bc you had seen him cry before 

plus, y’all both established at the very beginning of the relationship that you’d both try be as honest and open with your emotions as possible

so now, you were both sitting beside each other on your bed while sharing a banana split that akaashi made (you put the sprinkles on though so you basically gave it flavour ✨)

akaashi is definitely the therapist friend to so he gives great advice 

but if you don’t want his advice and you’d prefer him to just listen, then he can do that too 

honestly, he’d do basically anything to make you feel better 🥺

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[oikawaplssteponme]

original request: @bakugousmymassa Hi willow🥺❤️❤️ ok so this has been on my mind for so long and I hope it makes sense. Ok so bakugou x fem reader and like yk she’s simping for him through manga/anime little does she know he’s doing the same thing is his world. And like they start thinking about each other and it comes through in the manga/anime and like they somehow find a way to communicate through it and like their love/simping becomes so strong that she randomly pops up in the common room and the bakusquad/class 1a is like 👁👄👁 and like they kiss or whatever Ik it’s long and weird but like omg I can’t get it out my mind sorryyy😭😭

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

warnings: some swear words

genre: fluff, a bit angsty

a/n: thank you so much for the request bb! i added my own twist to it so i hope you like it!!

finally done with all my inbox requests!! 99% of them were bakugou in which i had zero complaints. i am here for all your bakugou needs 🤩i got a bit carried away with writing this so that’s why im letting it have it’s own moment☺️ i loved writing this and i would love to hear your thoughts on it (reblogs are greatly appreciated too🧡) enjoy xx

•

It was your favorite bookstore. It was where you bought your first manga. It was where you found a love for all these complex characters and incredible storylines. This bookstore seemed to satisfy every craving you had in regards to a 2D boy to fawn over. So there was no surprise that when you strolled into the bookstore, you headed straight to where the My Hero Academia mangas were.

You had read them all, even watched the anime. For some reason, you just kept coming back. You couldn’t get enough.

Something on the bookshelf had caught your attention. Among the original mangas, there was one lone book, different from the rest. You stared at the cover. It had your favorite character on it, keeping you intrigued. You had never seen this one before. Was it a side story? Was it a new release? If so, why would there only be one? Out of your own curiosity, you decided to buy it.

You handed the bookstore cashier the manga and your money. They looked at you, simply smiling.

“Is Katsuki Bakugou your favorite?” they asked.

“Yeah, he is,” you smiled. They handed you the book.

“Unfortunately there are no returns on this special edition. I guess you’ll be stuck with him,” they said. You chuckled, taking their comment as a joke.

“I’m okay with that.”

~

Once you were home, you sat down on your couch and pulled out the book, opening it up.

“What the…”

The pages were blank. The entire book had nothing in it. No words, no drawings, just plain white paper.

“How can you sell an empty book?” you groaned. You thought you had wasted your money on this. You set the book down, staring at the blank page angrily.

Suddenly, one spot of ink appeared on the page. Then more. Your eyes grew as the pages created their own drawing in the corner.

“This isn’t happening…”

You stared at the drawing, stunned.

“What kind of idiot buys a book before opening it first,” read the text bumble. On the page was a drawing of Katsuki Bakugou, his arms crossed with his classic smirk.

“H-How did you just…”

Another drawing began to appear next to the original.

“What? Never seen a self-drawing manga before? Come on dumbass, keep up with me here.”

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Bakugou was talking to you, through a manga.

“B-But you’re not real… you’re just a drawing…”

“Sure I’m a drawing right now, just as you are a drawing on my end. Doesn’t make me or you any less real.”

“Why are you talking to me… how did you find me?”

“Well, how did you find out about me?”

“I read about you in my mangas and I watch your show…”

“Then there is your answer gorgeous. I do the same.”

“I’M A CHARACTER IN A MANGA?” Your brain couldn’t seem to process everything that was happening.

“Of course you are. Damn, you aren’t the brightest…”

“B-But then how did I get your book? Anyone could have bought it.”

“Well me and Shitty Hair figured out a way to leave something behind for you. So that’s how you can talk to me through the book,” explained Bakugou.

“This isn’t happening...this is a lot to process right now. You’re like my dream guy but you’re supposed to be fictional and I’m not entirely sure what to do with all this new information,” you sighed.

“I can explain better in person.”

“I’m sorry, what-”

“Go grab a pen.”

“Bakugou-”

“Go grab a pen Y/N.”

You did as you were told, grabbing the nearest pen.

“Okay now what?”

“Go to a new page and draw yourself, like how I am,” Bakugou instructed. You were skeptical but did it anyway. You created a small box and drew yourself, resembling a manga panel.

“Now write your location as ‘in the common area’.”

“This has to be some kind of fever dream…”

“Just do it dumbass.”

You carefully wrote your desired location.

“Okay now what?”

“I’ll see you later dumbass,” smirked Bakugou. Your eyes grew.

“What- no you can’t just leave-”

“Bye nerd.”

No new panel appeared. You sighed, still in shock.

“There’s no way that was real…”

You set the manga down and laid on your back. You felt a wave of exhaustion come over you. You yawned, slowly falling asleep.

~

“Be quiet, you’re gonna wake her up!”

“How did she even get here?”

“Do you think Bakugou would be mad if I asked her out?”

“It’s not like she would say yes…”

“HEY-”

“Shit I think she’s awake....”

You felt groggy. As if you had been sleeping for days. You slowly started to open your eyes. People-like figures hovered around you.

“Back up, give her some space…”

You sat up, rubbing your eyes. The room was bright. The yellow-tinted walls and green floor caught your attention.

“Where am I…”

“UA High! A prestigious academy made for creating the world’s best Heroes!”

“Wait… Iida?”

“Correct!”

You soon realized what had happened. You looked around to all the familiar faces.

“Iida, Deku, Jirou, Kaminari, Momo, Mina, Kirishima, Todoroki…”

“Damn you’re good!” smiled Denki. You couldn’t believe it. You had some how made your way into your favorite story.

“Am I in the anime?”

“What anime?” asked Todoroki.

“Our anime! Or manga whichever you prefer!” smiled Deku.

“This has to be a dream, right?”

“How? You just woke up?”

“Todoroki it was a rhetorical question…”

“Oh…”

“Um where is Bakugou?” You asked. Everyone smiled.

“He’s waiting outside. You can go meet him,” explained Kirishima. You gulped. It’s not every day you get to come face to face with your fictional crush. Well, not so fictional now.

“Uh okay…” You stood up from the couch, beginning to make your way out the door. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

Bakugou was sitting on the steps of the dorms. His heart was beating out of his chest, though he wouldn’t admit it. He twiddled his thumbs as he waited for you to show up.

“H-Hey…” you whispered. Bakugou perked up, immediately standing up and turning around to face you. He looked at you with widened eyes. The both of you just stared at each other for a bit, fathoming the idea that you were really there. Seeing him on a screen or on a page was nothing compared to seeing him in real life.

“Damn…” he mumbled.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

Even though this was technically your first meeting, the two of you weren’t strangers. You knew everything about each other. The endless admiration through pages seemed to have led you here. Exactly where you were supposed to be.

“How is this even real?” You questioned. Bakugou chuckled.

“You do realize your world isn’t the only one out there. So I had to take you to mine.”

“So I’m like a character you read about?”

“Yeah, just as I am that to you. I read your story just as you read mine. It’s not that complicated.”

“Why me though?”

Bakugou took a step towards you. He smiled, taking your hand.

“Why wouldn’t I take the opportunity to meet someone I’ve always dreamed about?”

Your face got hot as you tried to hold back your smile. You squeezed his hand.

“I’m glad you did.”

“Then let’s go dumbass,” he said. You raised a brow.

“What?”

“Well we have to write the rest of the book, don’t we? Come on, I’ve only got you for 300 more pages,” He explained.

“Wait there’s a limit on this?”

“Don’t worry about that now. Now come on, we’ve got shit to do.”

~

You and Bakugou spent the entire day together. He showed you around Musutafu, introducing you to all his favorite places. He showed you his favorite places to train, his favorite restaurant, where he likes to buy his mangas, and even where he found the book that brought you here.

You couldn’t help but take mental notes while you were with him. His hair was a lot softer than you imagined, and he actually did smell of sweet caramel. His red eyes weren’t intimidating at all, actually, you found them adorable. Bakugou had little patience, which you figured correctly. As you held his hand, he would mumble soft ‘sorry’s’, afraid that his hands were getting sweaty. You reassured him that he was fine. That caused his cheeks to blush.

The two of you sat at a park bench, enjoying the view of the city before you. Your head was rested on his shoulder as you held onto his arm. You couldn’t believe this was real. The boy you spent ages crushing over through a screen actually felt exactly the same. It was better than words.

“I wish there were fireworks,” you said. Bakugou chuckled. He removed his arm from your grip.

“Here. How’s this?”

Bakugou started to create mini-explosions in the palms of his hands, resembling fireworks. You stared at the beautiful sparks. Your smile was contagious. You looked up at him but he was already looking at you. You felt your face turn hot.

“So how many more pages until I’m allowed to kiss you?” blurted out Bakugou. You flinched. The burning in your cheeks grew stronger. You smiled.

“None.”

You grabbed the collar of Bakugou’s shirt and pulled him towards you. You crashed your lips together. He gently cupped your face as he held you close. The way he kissed you was beyond anything you could have ever imagined. His heart was beating out of his chest too. He was looking forward to seeing you in person just as much as you were, maybe more.

You looked at Bakugou. His face flushed pink, a cheeky smile from ear to ear. He wrapped his arm around you.

“Wait I have something for you,” you remembered, “I don’t really know how these work but I thought you could use it too.”

You had handed Bakugou a book, similar to the one he had left for you.

“I just think we deserve another volume,” you grinned. Bakugou kissed the top of your head, taking the book.

“I think so too.”

~

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. You stretched and rubbed your eyes. Then you remembered.

“Was I really there?” you mumbled. You tried to orient yourself, still slowly waking up. You reached for the manga that sat on the other side of your couch. You took a deep breath opening it up.

The pages were no longer blank. They instead were filled with perfectly detailed drawings of you and Katsuki Bakugou, following the storyline you had just experienced. You wiped the stray tear from your eye and brought the book to your chest.

“Until next time, Katsuki Bakugou.”

•

[general taglist (form in masterlist) : @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @roesaurus @evivn1 @astrooliver @tetsoleil @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @complimentaryhugsgirl ]

[snippy-tano]

hey i really love your writing! i check your blog pretty often, it makes me smile :) since requests are open i was wondering if you’d be down to write something about cody and a reader who has trust issues from a pretty recent past relationship, and getting reader to open up and trust him? LMAO may or may not be cathartic for me rn. Ty <3

First of all, I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this. Things have been weirdly crazy and stressful for me lately and I just haven’t been in the right headspace to tackle any of the asks in my box. But, that being said, I’m determined to get out of my funk and this ask I think was the one to finally do it!

I really hope you like this and it helps you! I know it’s always cathartic for me to write this and I hope it translates and helps you with whatever it is you’re going through.

Just know I’m rooting for you bb. I love you. 

Tagging: @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life, @marvel-starwars-nerd, @mackstrut, & @dissapointingpancake

(Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist! You can find it here!)

---------------------------------------------------

Trust

The moment you laid eyes on Marshal Commander Cody, you knew you were in trouble.

With his easy but rare smile, kind eyes, and wicked sense of humor, it was easy to imagine yourself falling for him. Words were easy to find when you were with him and no one else had made you feel so at ease. He never pushed, but was a steady calming presence you had been missing, especially when you were fighting a war. 

But your walls were high and sturdy. A lifetime of failed relationships always hung over your head like a curse, darkening every bright light you ever saw. It settled on your shoulders and dragged you down further and further with every passing day. 

Ever since your last chance at a relationship ended, things seemed hopeless. They’d broken your trust and faith in a way that shattered your dreams of ever finding someone who would cherish you in mind and body. 

After that, it was easier for you to accept you’d never experience what you so desperately wanted to feel. 

Things were easier that way. Your fragile heart needed a life to recover and you decided it was easier to see the rest of your years pass you by than to subject yourself to another heartbreak. 

But then along came Cody. 

It was subtle at first. 

In some of the very few moments you caught sight of him without his helmet, you would notice his eyes on you. But he’d always look away just quickly. It happened enough that you noticed and found yourself doing the same, wishing for even the smallest glimpse at the highest ranking clone in the GAR. 

Then one day you quite literally bumped into him while leaving a briefing, causing your flimsy cup of awful caf to drop to the floor. The moment his hands gripped your arms to steady you as you stumbled, eyes searching your face for any issues as he apologized.

You didn’t know it at the time, but he’d managed to find a crack in your walls, slipping his fingers inside and slowly working his way inside. It was the start of something you never saw coming. 

After a few awkward mutterings from the both of you, he had stepped back, lifting his hands away while his head ducked down. He once again apologized and you returned the sentiment. A quick word from General Kenobi seemingly broke the spell, but before you could retreat back into your comfort zone, Cody offered to make it up to you with a cup of non-GAR issued caf. 

Without thinking, you had said yes.

You walked away from him with a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.

For the next few weeks, you began to spend more time with him. You did end up getting caf together the next time you were on a short leave on Coruscant and it was easier than you expected. Cody never expected you to have all the answers, but the gentle questions never stopped. 

It was effortless to open up to him, to laugh for the first time in a long time at a ridiculous story from before you joined the 212th as a civilian. The way his face had softened and his eyes had sparkled when you laughed was enough to stop your heart from beating. 

No one had ever looked at you like that. It made your impossible dream seem a little more possible.

But still it was hard. 

You’d been hurt one too many times, one of which was recent enough that you were still recovering. Your past was always not far behind you, chasing you through your days and your nights, refusing to yield. It was exhausting. You were so tired of running, but still you kept going. 

Sitting across from Cody in that small diner on Coruscant made you wonder what it would be like to finally stop running from your past, to imagine the life you could have. 

From that point on, Cody always made an effort to visit with you or spend more time with you when he had the time. And even when he didn’t have the time, he made sure to make time. You’d lost track of the times he’d dropped by your tiny closet of an office with some smuggled in sweets he’d confiscated from Waxer and Boil on a day you needed it most. It was like he knew when you needed the pick-me-up. 

The first time you’d hugged him, you had been convinced he’d been killed. 

They’d lost contact with him on a mission and instantly you could feel the panic seizing in your chest. It was hard to breathe and you couldn’t stop the tears from forming in your eyes.

The moment you saw him walking across the tarmac, armor dirty and scuffed, with his helmet tucked under his arm but looking relatively uninjured, you couldn’t stop yourself. You were sprinting across the pavement before you realized what you were doing. 

His eyes fixed on you almost instantly and you saw the wave of relief wash across his entire body. His bucket hit the ground seconds before you hit Cody. You threw yourself into his arms and he’d stumbled in surprise, but didn’t let you falter. 

You held on with everything you had, burying your face in his neck as you just held him as tightly as you could. Cody had done the same, arms locked around you as his gloved fingers wove snuggly into your hair.

He was fine. 

You were fine. 

After that, it was like something shifted.

Every chance the both of you had, you were placing a hand on his arm, or his shoulder, or intertwining your pinky with his. Cody seemed to have the same idea because he never left your presence without giving your elbow a squeeze or trailing his fingers along the back of your hand. 

The first time the pair of you kissed, it was you who made the first move.

You’d been sitting in a quiet hallway aboard the Negotiator. More confiscated candy sat between the two of you as you looked out at the clear, empty space around you. It was late and nearly everyone was already asleep, but neither of you seemed in any rush to go to bed, so you found a quiet corner and decided to just enjoy each other’s company. 

As you looked out into the darkness, you didn’t feel afraid. 

Before, you’d always been a little uneasy looking out into space like this. You weren’t sure what it was, but it unnerved you. But as you sat there beside Cody who was more relaxed than you had ever seen him, eating sweets you would have never thought he would like.

That’s when you realized you weren’t as afraid because Cody showed you that you didn’t have to be afraid. 

You had turned to him, eyes scanning his face as he looked out, chewing on a piece of candy. The sharp lines of his face had softened and he seemed at peace. Warmth spread through your chest and you could feel the darkness you’d been carrying for years slowly melt away, leaving nothing but a warmness you never wanted to fade.

Cody had noticed your gaze because he turned to you, eyebrows furrowed and concern flashing in his eyes.

It was in that moment that you realized what you’d done without even trying. 

You’d fallen for him. And it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done. And it didn’t scare you.

Despite your tendency to overthink and overanalyze things, you found yourself not thinking when you pushed yourself forward, knocking over the bag of candy to press your lips against Cody’s. He made it easy to not think, to just feel.

Cody had seemed surprised at first if his sharp inhale told you anything, but he relaxed almost immediately, his gloveless hands coming up to gently cradle your head. 

It wasn’t the first time you’d ever kissed someone before, but it was the first time your stomach flipped and your entire body practically melted. It set every single one of your nerve endings on fire and you had no desire to put them out, in fact, you wanted them to keep burning, stoking the fire for the rest of your life.

It took your breath away.

Which is why you did eventually have to pull away even though you never wanted to ever stop. You opened your eyes, chewing on your lip as you looked at a face you saw every day in a million others, but there was only one you cared about. 

There was only one you loved.

Cody’s eyes opened and you were fixed with the most intense stare from the golden eyes you saw the stars in. He let out a soft chuckle when an unrestrained smile broke across his face. 

You’d do anything to see that smile over and over again for the rest of your lives. 

Trust has always been hard for you.

But with Cody it was easy.

And because it was easy, you stopped worrying and leaned forward again, capturing his lips again as he smiled against you.

You’d never flown higher than when the walls around you came tumbling down. Cody had given you a reason to trust again. To love again. 

It would always be an uphill battle for you, but Cody would never let you fall.

Never.