#Sad. this is the only good tumblr update ever btw

[sonknuxadow]

HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE POSTING POLLS

[pacificwaternymph]

Alright, I'm back :D

So, I don't really remember what I wanted to ask you about the au, so I may do it later. But, so, I like your superhero au so much! I would consume lots of content of it, really, because when I'm telling you it is good, as in my opinion, it is really good and I would love to see how it goes and the future with Scott and Jimmy living together!

Oh, and btw, remember I said I already send an ask to you before? I don't know if you remember it, but it was about your Kid Xornoth au! I think it had around 13 chapters and I found you by that fanfic, I came to tumblr after seeing the notes and send you an ask. I told you that I was gonna still read it I think, no matter how long it takes, and guess what? Months after I still do and I am still here, checking on the fanfic and reading it. Now, I am not only gonna do that with the Kid Xornoth au, but the Superhero au, since it is on my mental check list of checking every once in awhile to see if it has been updated. It is not very present right now, but soon it will be.

Oh! And just a question and some things that I think would be interesting, just to know if you're ever gonna write in the future? Pacifica (sorry if I said the wrong name, I am not trusting my brain 100% on this one) discovering Scott's Identity because that would be interesting to read. But to be honest, I just think their whole dynamic in this is really, really interesting. Just, maybe like, if you think more about it, they're best friends and then this best friend is just a super villain who may do these things but at the same time... yeah.

And another one I think, would be just life with Scott and Jimmi living together after, there is lots of things interesting in it because there is so many points to point out, like I've seen in the tag with you saying, him and his morality.

And oh, I remembered some questions! :)

Does Lizzie get to know about Scott or see or meet him? And if so, I wonder how maybe she would react to knowing Smajor and Scott are the same person. It is also interesting because Scott is practically in their life now, so Scott and Lizzie meeting whithout the secret identities, if they do ender knowing each other whithout tem, would be. Scott is practically more exposed to others whithout his mask too. And it ends up possibly exposing his life more too. We also can't forget Joel, he is part of all of that too, right? (Scott's reaction to Lizzie would also be interesting, I think)

And then another point I found wich could be really interesting is: Scott's management with anger. You said he deals with emotions more by the side of anger, different of Jimmy who does it by sadness (which I think seeing they show emotions like that is also an interesting thing. Living with someone is very different, and you get to know, see and understand them better. Plus, if they ever end up sharing a bed, I wanna see Jimmy's or Scott experience. Just because Scott has a wing and all of that, so imagine, imagine what it could be if you wanted it to). And then if I record, you also said that he would get angry and maybe go destroy a building? So like, imagine that is the way he would do and go with, it is practically a coping mechanism. So what does he do now after all of that, since he isn't getting out, I suppose? And is living with Jimmy, yeah? I just wonder how he cope or do now. (If you want to have a look into my mind, a sneak peak, if you will, looking through a gap, the things that go in there, it came with the incredible solution of Scott building something like a house, a city or anything like that and proceeding to destroy it. Maybe it is made of ice, my mind came up with Lego, and then he just destroys it and Jimmy sees it, just this feral man beating up cities made of lego) (if it ends up being too cute he can't destroy it. Tbh that's a pretty good way of putting Scott liking to build, but that could also be with ice before. Congratulations, brain!)

Another thing my brain came up with one day, I do not remember much, but is Scott management with ice. Is it good? And just imagine one day he getting overwhelmed and ended up freezing or almost freezing something, like maybe a pillow. He is in there, maybe sleeping, laying, maybe having a nightmare, not doing well, who know, and then boom there it is, at least a little bit coat of ice. Tho I wonder if the ice would work as if like consuming, for example, a pot plant, or just letting ice go around. Maybe the ice just goes getting worse until it is all consumed.

(Other thing, the fights. Like, just the topic of their fights before, practically how Jimmy got hurt in it, too. Scott has hurt him to the point of scars, right? Oh well. Plus, I wonder how Jimmy gets seeing the ice, if he has some trauma. It can also connect to the idea on top at some point, or maybe even just seeing the ice looking kinda threatening, like it looked before. Wonder if he had bad experiences with it too?)

Now to a more fluffy thing, just Jimmy seeing Scott and processing that, yes, this is the boy he liked, and then there was him trying to talk with him in the café, and he is also that Supervillain. (I find it funny how he said Scott is beautiful and how he could see how people would find Smajor pretty)

Plus, did Jimmy ever get to know that Scott knew his identity at some point? And I imagine Jimmy getting visual confirmation of Smajor being Scott. I think the wings..?

And now a last question, do you have any plans for Gem? Just curious if she has anything in this au and etc

Now, this is too long, I think. I got a lot inside of my head, and one thing about me is that I normally come with lots of ideas that just results in more, and I just put them all in here. I probably should maybe then like, not send it on anon, but I don't think I'm gonna do it so I'm gonna come up with a name, at least for now :)

-Moon anon

(Hope it's not taken)

Aww thank you!!!

Moon anon is NOT taken, so welcome!!

I've talked about Pacifica and Scott more in depth here, but long story short she does in fact know his identity, and has for a while! She considered abandoning him, but she's too much of a bleeding heart for that and cares about her friends too much to let him go. I might end up writing a couple pieces more focused on her in the future, such as her scar story (talked about here) and her and Scott's friendship, but that will come after the main story is complete.

I'm glad you like her so much haha. I was hesitant to include her in this AU since the whole OC in "canon" thing, but the feedback has been really positive, which I'm glad for!

I do intend to make a one shot book filled with small scenes from Jimmy and Scott's domestic life together including the first official date, the first wing preen (which I also talked about) and so on. However, that will once again most likely be after the main story is finished. I've got a lot of material to work with haha.

Scott can hide his wings, so he can be big spoon OR little spoon. Jimmy likes being little spoon though because he likes being surrounded by Scott's feathers. They're like a blanket.

Jimmy does introduce Scott to Lizzie. Scott is... incredibly intimidated by her outside of costume because it's no longer an even playing field. Because even without powers she could kick his ass. They hide Scott's identity from her while they're trying to figure out whether Scott is going to continue on with being a super, since being a villain isn't really an option he's willing to consider anymore. But she finds out when Scott shows up as the Elven king for the first time. At that point, she's pretty quick to accept it on the grounds that it makes Jimmy happy.

Yeah, Scott has a tendency of pushing down his emotions to the point where they explode... typically in a very destructive way. Jimmy and Lizzie go away for one weekend to meet up with a hero organization in another city and come back to find the front page news story of Scott blowing up an abandoned warehouse with the help of Faerie.

"WHAT? IT WAS ABANDONED!"

They do have to work on that emotional repression problem, as well as finding healthier outlets for Scott. I like your idea, I think he would enjoy creating things. After spending so long with Xornoth, who encouraged destruction and chaos, being able to just make something new without the fear of having to destroy it would be so healing for his inner child.

He usually has pretty good control over his powers, however, as with most abilities, it is HEAVILY linked to his emotions. So yes, when he gets overwhelmed, or when he has a nightmare, he will sometimes freeze the bedsheets, frost the windows, or make it snow in the room. It's not just negative emotions though. Sometimes, when Jimmy does something to make him particular flustered, he'll freeze whatever he's holding, or ice will start leaking out from his feet like Sapphire from Steven Universe.

Jimmy has more trauma linked to fire than ice, but there are moments that make him flinch ever so slightly. This is usually rectified with a liberal application of cuddles and affection, though, so they're both okay.

Oh yeah. There's just kind of a moment where it hits him that both of his crushes are the same person, and he gets INCREDIBLY flustered. He will learn that Scott knew his identity once the two of them move in, because Scott will ask if he really didn't know who he was.

Jimmy figures it out because... well, without giving too much away, Scott goes missing at the same time Smajor does, and Pacifica completely flips out, confronting Jimmy and demanding to know if he did something to Scott. It is the one and ONLY time she has ever behaved so aggressively and confidently towards someone. Even Scott has never heard her raise her voice before, but when he goes missing... all hell breaks loose.

And I have talked about Gem's part in the superhero role before. I don't know if I'll ever write it out though. Maybe after I'm done with the flower husbands portion of it?

Like I said, there's a lot of material to work with here.

Don't worry! My brain is also kind of all over the place. But I will take any excuse to talk about my AUs, so if anything, you did me a favor with all of your thoughts!!

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

[the7thcrow]

i have no idea why i only just now decided to follow u on tumblr because not all that glitters is gold is literally one of the best fanfics ive ever read. it has to be in my top 3. its been my favorite ever since i had first read it in like december. everytime i get a notification that u have updated, its literally pure dopamine!!

i absolutely adore the mc. shes amazing and i loveee her. but damn girly has been through soooo much in such a short time, she really needs a break. like i have a list of all the things shes been through in my notes💀. the fact that she has to bare all her pain on her own, after so much trauma, just makes me sooo sad </3, like let me give her a hug.

anyway the enemies to lovers situation thats going on between her and woo is literally superior omggg. him slowly starting to care about her🤭🤭, the slowburn is immaculate!!! literally has me giggling and kicking my feet. its too good. i will forever stand by the opinion that nobody can write better enemies to lovers than fanfic writers!!!

san is 100% my favorite character. im literally obsessed with him omgg. the way hes just so strong and masculine while also being so fucking kind and empathetic to the mc??? so manly while being such a sweetheart??? literally the greenest flag ever. its just so attractive, like i want him😫. (and if he does have red flags, im ignoring them btw.) so yes i think im in love with him.

im very much looking forward to future updates. thank you for creating this story, its truly a masterpiece!! love u!!

omg one of your favourites?? stop i'm a pile of mush and fuzzy feelings right now. fortunately, I'm posting the next chapter today so I hope the dopamine is extra good after the months i have left you in waiting LMAO.

but please the mc list??? you gotta drop me an ask with it because even I am curious to see it all laid out 💀 homegirl has really been through it.

I'm glad you're appreciating the slow-burn, it's been extremely fun and satisfying to write. + i completely agree about san. I know I wrote him, but I'm in love with him too. how can u not be, it's san.

you're the sweetest. I truly love asks like this, and I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts and feelings going forward (but seriously pls drop the list of what mc has gone through im begging) <333

[sunookkii]

hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3

a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]

Also i am well ty for asking >.<

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Enhypen forgetting your bday~

Genre : angsty ish

Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??

Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)

Heeseung :

Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday

But to your luck he forgot :(

So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard

And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt

Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember

So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry

Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear

A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.

He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.

He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself

He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”

He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~

^ so yeah 🤕

Jay :

I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧

You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course

You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.

You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(

You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt

So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)

He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD

Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.

Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker

He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.

But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this

You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face

“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”

All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good

Jake :

It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you

You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise

But today was sort of… different? :(

You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁

After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face

I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲

You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.

“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.

You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’

When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.

You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”

You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕

He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’

Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.

‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”

A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you

^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)

You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn

Sunghoon :

Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t

So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…

“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”

“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”

“What…”

You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it

But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭

Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes

genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it

And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~

Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.

Puts cake on your nose

Sunoo :

Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget

I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person

Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this

So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered

Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping

He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it

He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date

If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo

Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.

the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.

Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later

caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”

Jungwon :

he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated

Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,

you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most

But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day

“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile

“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face

Your happy smile soon became a little pout

“You really don’t know?”

“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”

oh my- he broke your heart right then and there

You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.

Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you

Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”

He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look

wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting

“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying

You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳

“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe

Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes

He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<

Cuddles you for the rest of the day

Niki :

He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”

“Well someone is happy today :)”

“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”

“Wednesday?”

😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”

“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game

you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((

he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.

‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’

You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.

“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki

and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on

He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’

But to his luck you were still mad at him

Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~

You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him

N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3

[karaslluthor]

supercorp fanfic masterpost pt.2

this has been in my drafts for over a year so here ya go and hasn't been updated since then but if u haven't read these then ur welcome. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

its literally a big ass list jsyk and i did all the tumblr tags back then so idk if they are still the same users but hopefully lmao. 

original part 1 is here boysss

MULTI FICS

somewhere i have never travelled (http://archiveofourown.org/works/9268886/chapters/21008012)

kara and lena visit all different places lenas lived and then they find a home together and its super cute and fluffy I cry

Paranoia Incarnated - @justmickeyfornow

mickey is my fucking supercorp spiritual guider with the best fucking fic and ive read it about 322934 times and still is sooo good. Also the whole heartbeat thing KILLS me. SO MUCH ANGST but literally its worth the death u go through trust me

Transcendent Interactions 

Kara and lena share this bond thing from birth and can feel each others emotions and they finally meet and its so great like im actually fucking in love with this fic and kara gets herself off all the time thinking lena doesn’t know idk just read it u wont regret I stg

Closer and Closer (Until We Collide) - @hallow777 

Im a slut for bed sharing tropes and this is so CUTE like lenas all freaking out because she keeps waking up cuddling kara and alex is oblivious to everything and its just soooo good

So, This Happened?

Drunk kara leaves drunk alex for a more suitable cuddle buddy aka lena lesbian luthor and lena sleeps in a supergirl t shirt bc of course

Sojourn 

Holy mother of fuck as if this fic didn’t absolutely ruin my fucking life??? Lena has to go to London for a month so she invites kara to come with her and lena has a gay awakening and realises shes in love with kara and its SO FUCKING GOOD

just one wrong move (baby, baby)

lena is having karas baby from this alien tech accidentally! And lena is so loved and its so cute like honestly and obviously they fall in love bc duh

hold me, my dear (and don't let go)

kara is a professional cuddler and lena hires her services bc shes a sad touch starved young lady and deserves to have some hugs in her life hello fluff my old friend discovering the moon 

alex and lena brotp and holy fuck does it deliver!!!! Alex is like a wingwoman we all need and kara and lena just need to communicate tbh but AMAZING

Focus on Something You Love, and Breathe

Lex is a little shit as always and wants to kill lena bc he thinks shes in love with supergirl (which she is) so kara says she can stay with her and obviously the angst is juicy and ruined my life. So. Good. Read. It.

Offstage 

College theatre au but like literally one of the best college aus ive ever read!!!! Lenas just a big lesbian and karas confused and they bang secretly and its glorious

it's a boy!

lena takes in a super powered alien baby that falls from the sky and gets a weird neighbor in the form of kara danvers and theres not many chapters yet so im not sure whats happening with kara yet but im super excited for this!!!

Break My Fall 

Kara dates monel but kisses lena as supergirl and its angsty and smutty and all round a good fucking time

carefulness can be damned 

Post 3x7, literally smut with some plot need I say more??

A Foolish Wit - @seabiscuits-us​

if you haven’t read seabiscuits fics are you even a supercorp fan?? Lena needs a husband and Clark Danvers is positively charming and also actually disguised as a man, I mean.. quality content

In My Veins

im soooo excited for this fic because the lena/alex brotp is written so well!!! Basically lena and alex become really good friends bc they both deal with their issues by drinking obvs and kara thinks they are secretly dating and gets upset and im SO READY FOR THIS ANGST

Would You Catch Me If I Fall For You ('Cause I'm falling) 

This is absolutely amazing and so captivating and I was honestly on edge the whole time kudos to the author!!!!! Kara goes back in time to warn lena about her dying on the venture and lena falls in love with her but she disappears and then when real kara and lena meet, kara doesn’t remember knowing lena and ughsalkdhsla its so good.

We Need a New Song

Oh my good golly gosh this fic ruined my life. Ballet au that has barely any ballet and an abundance of GAY and I had to take a moment after reading this to collect myself tbh

and stick it into someone else's heart 

Rhea infected lenas boobs in a cage dress with some weird alien stuff and her and kara have to bang or THEY’LL DIE pretty much but they love each other

The Laws of Fate 

soulmate au where everyone has a red string and lenas points to the sky and shes confused af but it’s a gay slow burn and the angst is good for ur soul

My Sun 

Lena gets into a car accident and kara thinks she died but lex is a maniac and wants lenas help and fdjsaklfs it’s a rollercoaster let me tell you

Mercy on Me 

lena falls under black mercy and in order to bring her back karas has to break her poor little gay heart bc lena thinks her and kara are in looooove AWWW heart shatters

Be your own Hero 

Collection of supercorp one shots!!!!!! Quality content lemme tell yaaaa

pick a blossom and hold it to your breast (honey, you know that’s my love bursting loud from inside) 

kara and lena rely on their late night phone calls with each other and get the feels and go on a date and they are just cute adorable dorks that are nervous  

your voice is pretty, baby (but i’d rather have your pretty skin instead) 

part 2 of pick a blossom ^^^ still adorably cute and a smut chapter I mean come on, treat yoself

Firsts 

kara and lenas first told in the cutest wayyyyyyyy

Whispers 

lena works with lillian to save supergirl and its oh so angsty and kara always believes her girl bc that’s canon

My personal Santa in heels 

Kara loves Christmas almost as much as she loves lena, almost

Timer 

Soulmate AU where everyone can have a device installed to tell them the time until they meet their soulmate, kara and lena love each other but kara cant have a timer installed obvs kryptonian skin and its so cute and soft and angsty

The Fatal Flaw 

Super cool and different fic and keen to see more chapters from this!! Kara doesn’t have her powers (yet) and she meets lena at a party at college and then clark tells her shes actually an alien ooooo im keen

Stay the night 

Lena inherits the national city womens basketball team and star player kara danvers is a muscly babe and they try not to fall in love BUT ITS JUST TOO HARD BECAUSE THEY ARE SOULMATES also I love jack in this such a wingman

1865 

MATTTTTTTTEEEE lena is the daughter of the governor and shes a little rebel. She falls in love with kara but her family has arranged her marriage to monel BUT LIKE THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH btw they are aliens but like in 1865 so cool. Pls update I love this so much

All Our Bodies in the Grass - @seabiscuits-us​

fuckkkkk this fic honestly, amish au and lena knows nothing but kara is down to help her out while also sharing lovely girl mags ;)

B.F.F.W.E.B

Kara and lena are friends with benefits but feels get involveddddd, lenas a useless lesbian

All the little lies 

Kara comes to earth and falls in love with lena but she has to go back to krypton and breaks lenas heart in the process, but she comes back and its only been like 7 months but its been like 3 years for lena!!! (I cant remember exact dates don’t judge me)

half melted m&m's 

lena needs a fake wife to stay in the country so kara is ever so helpful and agrees to be her wife, oh I do love a fake wife trope and this delivers!!!!

The Wrong Superhero 

Lena gets saved by batwoman and supergirl thinks she is super jealous because of superhero-related reasons but shes just in love with lena

We'll Take on the World 

College au, just useless fools in love that need to communicate and make out more

And they call me from beyond the stars 

Omg I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH ok so kara is a ghost (still from krypton and stuff) but no one can see her except lena so lena works on trying to get her back into the physical plane of existence so she can find alex but they FIND LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER oh my god so angsty let me tell ya be warned

Wait for me to come home 

https://lostariels.tumblr.com/

idk where to even start on this fic honestly, im pretty sure most people have read this bc it’s a rite of passage but fuck it gets me everytime!!!! Army au and there is so much angst and I love it

An Unexpected Surprise 

supercorp baby au!!! Kara and lena bang and kara ends up preggers. Iconic  

Days in a Lifetime 

Kara and lena grow up together, massive slowburn but worth the wait!!!!! ACTUALLY GO AND READ ALL OF STENS BECAUSE I JUST REALISED HOW MANY I PUT IN HERE AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING GREAT

Do you wanna (like you know I do) - @seabiscuits-us​

another seabiscuit, I couldn’t not put this in!!! CAPE COD and sharing of bunk beds!!! Pls update this my soul is withering away

Purple and Black are my Favorite Colours 

Kara gets in contact with kryptonite that makes her gp! And her and lena b a n g    

ONE SHOTS

danishes and other sweet treats 

oh my fuck this is so cute and its like a long one shot so I mean get on it because kara and lena go to a conference and share a hotel room need I say more  

Sun Kissed 

Kara takes lena on a roadtrip to the science museum for her birthday and my good golly gosh its so cute I could ascend to heaven

Only Human 

A one shot with two chapters in different POV but lenas jealous of monel and then supercorp bang and its all angsty and lena protects kara and tbh they need to communicate but happy endings and love all round

The Right Thing 

Lena freaks out because lex knows her and supergirl are dating and does the most dramatic thing (of course) by distancing herself from kara and did I say angst???/ also I cried multiple times in this

funny how the stars crossed right 

Kara and lena keep meeting at parties and have super dorky costumes and fall in love (literally love anything written by you btw, im going to go ahead and say I would have all yours bookmarked so everyone just check them ALL out)

Accidental Text

kara accidentally sends a love confession to lena and its short and cute!      

Unspoken Promises

supergirl and reign battle and lena finds out about kara being supergirl and supercorp are just obliviously in love

Green (Kara loves it and hates it in equal measure)

Im a sucker for a jealous trope and boy does this deliverrrr. Karas hella jealous of lena having other friends but realises its because shes super in love with her

Crush

Karas jealous because lena is flirting with supergirl but lena knows kara is supergirl so shes actually flirting with kara, nice!

My Donuts

Karas really jealous of sam and lena spending heaps of time together and then kara walks in on them having donuts and she fucking loses it because its their thing duh.

when we get there 

Lena invites kara to her beach house to chill and they obvs fall in love because they are cute af

Have a Break 

Lena is determined to work out how to use a vending machine to get kara her candy and kara and winn are watching it all unfold via cameras in catco, basically lena vs. the machine (himym singing voice)

Self doubt and comforting talks 

Drunk kara, comforting lena fluff and adorableness

Shopping carts and a beautiful girl 

Kara crashes into lenas car in a shopping cart and they go on a date and its SO CUTE

Distractions 

lenas oblivious to kara being supergirl even though kara slips up all the time!!! #nicehalloweencostumekara

Lip Bites & Long Gazes 

lenas a big gay flirt and kara gets frustrated and flustered and calls her out and they make out

Off the Record 

kara spots lena at a gay club and they dance and make out *lizzie mcguire voice this is what dreams are made of*

Not so secret 

the superfriends take a weekend away and kara and lena bang pretty much smut but its cute

come be my lover, be my getaway car 

How many amazing tropes can you fit into one fic (aka the fic that made me lose my fucking mind oh my god its so good, had it include)

A one time thing

Kara and lena end up banging in a motel and kara has an internal meltdown its great

This is Home 

Listen here, this is the most adorable thing my two eyes have ever witnessed. Lena doesn’t really have a home kara the sweet soul she assists her in finding a home with her (aka its kara, kara is her home get it)

Her Biggest Fan 

lena is apart of the supergirl fandom, aka shes me

Drunk Puppy

kara being a drunk gay mess wanting to hunt seashells with lena

Act Natural

kara and lena have hickies and try to hide them on a beach trip with the gang  

Like a date, date 

kara asks lena on a date and lena has a gay panic attack pretty much

Datable 

everyone thinks kara and lena are dating so they just start dating? Amazing

Stop following me, creep 

Please clarify 

Lena tries to tell kara she loves her and wants to date but karas an alien and just doesn’t get it, so cuteeeee

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 1) 

Fate is Written in the Ink (part 2)

Soulmate au!!!! Any ink on your skin appears on your soulmates and omg its so cute like kara draws all this art on herself and lena gets to see it too!!!!!

Muddle my heart (then add a dash of lime) 

Kara keeps going to the bar because punk/bartender Lena is a babe and she has a big lesbian crush on her

be hopeful, don't get broken (stay caught up in the moment) 

angsty dog au and I mean PUPPIEs and SUPERCORP need I say more?

The makings of a family 

Clark is the one who arrives after being stuck in the phantom zone and kara has to look after him and lena helps her out and wow new baby for supercorp

Let Your Guard Down 

Lena in a DEO uniform sparring with kara and its so angsty because lenas mad at kara for not telling her the supergirl secret and then they bang and did I already mention lena in a DEO uniform???  

Do you not like the service here?

Thirsty kara and waitress lena, lenas jealous of alex l o l

here is where time is on our side (part 1) 

our corner of the universe (part 2) 

long oneshot but fuck me its so good. Post daxamite invasion/mon-el coming back and both are healing from everything and go on a roadtrip just wherever the map takes them and oh my fuck its so cute and everything u want in a fic. Part two is the follow up

The Uncanny Valley 

cadmus replaces real lena with a robot version and kara didn’t know but then kara finds lena and its cute  

put these battered bones to rest 

soulmate au (you should know by now im a sucker for a good soulmate au), lena has a foreign name on her hip (its kara btw)

pain

another soulmate au hhehehe soulmates feel each others pain obvs both these babies have a lot of paiiiiiin in their lives

Love is Garbage 

Literally a garbage truck au, im not even going to say more

i know you're out there somewhere waiting (i know the stars can hear us praying) 

Whats this??? Another soulmate au!!! Classic lover one arm, enemy on the other, honestly lena deserves more and just waits for kara to love her and I love this fic, also they help sam!!  

Monster in the Mirror 

Supercorp reveal in the middle of the lena/edge poisoning children episode oooooooh so angsty but happy love ending

Safety 

Supercorp first ever sleepover!!! This is so cute stop

Please Clarify 

Lena tries to ask kara out in every single way possible and kara is an oblivious alien

love is a flower, you gotta let it grow 

Unrequited love makes u grow flower petals in your lungs but when ur love is returned it clears up, this was dope and I love ur work

where our hands hurt from healing - @seabiscuits-us​

its seabiscuit do I need to say more?????? I will tho. Alex and lena match on tinder and become besties and I live for alex/lena brotp so….

blessed be (the mystery of love) - @seabiscuits-us​ 

*dj Khaled voice* ANOTHER ONE, look I love every single fic this one does not disappoint and nothing like a good light hearted first date fisting hahahahahaha

The Luthor and the Super That Saved the World 

Fit it fic for the season three finale where there is more supercorp and less shit writing, LOVE STENS WORK

Kara Danvers and the Brown Belt of Lesbianism 

Karas gay brown belt that she always wears that makes her look like a big ol lesbian drives lena mental bc she so gay

SIN

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING BY JAZZFORDSHIRE IM NOT FUCKING JOKING LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THIS SMUTFEST AND LIVE UR BEST FUCKING LIFE AND IF YOU HAVENT READ THE CAMPING AU UR NOT EVEN A SUPERCORP STAN

Pleasure 

like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry 

What Happens in the K Room Doesn't Stay in the K Room 

green-eyed monster

Kara shows Lena what makes her Super 

Supergirl, Kara, and a Luthor walk into a bar... 

Late Night Heroics 

Good Vibrations 

Two Lena Luthors and a blonde walk into a bedroom... 

Her perfect match 

Girls' Night 

Happy Halloween, Supergirl 

What She Wants 

make the rules then break them 

an animal within an animal 

THE WILDEST THING IVE EVER READ, STRAP THE FUCK IN (youll understand my pun when you’ve read it)

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[kinktae]

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud 

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

[kelleyish]

What’s up, tumblr? I’m still alive, which isn’t an unnecessary platitude these days. I keep intending to make updates, and I’ve started posts like three times in the last week but never managed to finish them, so this time I’m doing it. 

So yes, I continue to live and not be sick so far, I guess? I will say there have been many times over the last couple weeks I’ve felt off due to what is probably seasonal allergies, but my brain sure likes to make me worry I’ve got Corona. Today, in fact, I got cold midday and I was like, “Oh shit, are the chills coming on? Better feel my forehead, is it hot??”

Sigh.

I didn’t get chills, btw, I was just cold. I keep telling myself more than likely if you get it, it hits you the way a flu does where your whole body just immediately feels like shit, and that certainly hasn’t happened. 

All of this has instilled a healthier fear of the virus than I had, for example, a week ago. For the first couple weeks I was leaving the house daily, sometimes to drop off eBay packages at the post office, but mostly as an excuse to stuff my face with food. I was hitting drive thrus and making trips into Walmart just for junk food, trying to be as careful as possible with keeping my hands clean and everything, but still taking unnecessary risks just to eat food I shouldn’t be eating in the first place.

This week I curbed that urge and haven’t been going out nearly as much, but I’m sorry to say I’m still managing to eat junk I shouldn’t be eating. I was good for about two days, but when I had to go to Walmart yesterday I stocked up on more illicit junk. (Also I would like to say that carrot cake flavored Oreos are very disappointing. I rarely enjoy any of the special flavors, and I don’t even like double stuff ones. Original only, dunked into milk until they get soft.)

The gov’t has now given the suggestion for wearing facemasks when going shopping, and I was actually going to Walmart yesterday for supplies for my mom to make some homemade ones, which meant I didn’t have one to wear for the trip. Probably half the people in the store were wearing them though, and I felt kind of bad for not having one. I tried to hold my breath when I passed people in the aisle.

I’d heard some Walmarts were instituting one-way aisles in the store, but our local one only had the entrances and exits separated, the inside of the store was normal. 

My mom finished one mask today and I tried it on. I guess it might make me feel slightly better mentally, but I hate actually wearing masks. They’re so hot. It’s like trying to keep the blanket over your head in bed, breathing recycled hot air, yuck. There’s also a lot of people claiming anything but the actual medical grade surgical facemasks don’t do much anyway, but I will still be wearing one on future shopping trips because it feels better than absolutely nothing, I guess.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, I got an email from the dude I embarrassingly asked out last year, but only as a business marketing thing because the reason I met him is because his company did work on my house. It was just a thing basically asking for referrals and saying they’re still available to do work and can do everything while keeping up the social distancing thing. But it was still an unpleasant reminder of my cringey memory anyway. 

Speaking of cringe, I randomly remembered an incident that must be at least 15 years old when Chip and I were walking through a bookstore, which we used to do all the time, and there was an author sitting at a table for a book signing event. It wasn’t anyone I’d ever heard of, and indeed he must not have been too terribly popular because there was no one else there. Just him, sitting at his table with a pile of books, and the second hand embarrassment still makes me hurt all these years later. I hope at least a few people came to see him.

I had another sex dream about Hyde from That 70s Show a few days ago. I am not like super hot for him generally, but apparently my subconscious is because this isn’t the first such dream I’ve had about him. Weird.

I have continued my Star Wars prequel watches with Attack of the Clones, and I I can report that it, too, also sucks. Bad dialogue, bad line readings, bad characterizations. Anakin and Padme are supposed to fall in love, and yet there’s no chemistry and Anakin is whiny and petulant and I don’t see powerful Senator Padme being attracted to any of it. Also, wtf did the Sand People do to his mom?? I mean, I can guess what they are implying, but... Damn. Also, I hadn’t remembered that the actors they cast as Jango and Boba Fett were from, judging by their accents, New Zealand. It makes sense, as they movies were filmed in Australia. But their accents sound just like Taika Watiti, and it tickled me.

On the other end of the spectrum the Nicole Kidman movie The Others came on tv so I rewatched it, and it’s always a great movie. I think it’s definitely one of my favorite Nicole Kidman movies. In fact, I just took a stroll through her IMDB just now, and I can say my favorite movie featuring Nicole Kidman is Practical Magic, and The Others is number two. It’s a suspense/light horror movie, and the child actors in it are great, too. I checked to see if the girl who plays her daughter had done anything else, and she mostly hasn’t, so that’s kind of sad.

And finally, my parents and I finished watching Tiger King on Netflix, which has taken the country by storm in the last couple weeks. And guess what - I have actually been to that “zoo.” It was just a few months after Chip died almost 6 years ago, and my Dad had heard about it and wanted to go, so my parents, my sister, and I all drove up to Oklahoma and took a tour. Joe was there and when the tour started you went and sat in a small set of stands and he came out with a couple tigers and interacted with them in a big cage in front of the stands. Then everyone walked around the rest of the grounds on a guided tour. They had a few other types of animals, notably a camel, as I remember. They did not do the cub petting as they didn’t have any at the time, but they brought out a huge yellow python you could touch and take pictures with, which is probably the same one featured in a couple scenes of the Netflix show.

Do we feel kinda skeezy now that we went, after seeing the show? Well, I know I do, but what are you gonna do? I do remember seeing all the crazy stuff in the gift shop, like his albums and products like underwear and condoms with his face, etc, and thinking it was super weird at the time.

Okay, I guess this is long enough to count as an update. It’s nearly 2AM and I told myself I was going to try to get to bed earlier tonight (and yes, this represents earlier) so off I go. 

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Six

Wherein we get out into space and explore a bit, and complete our crew.

And post a lot of gifs, because screenshots were lost.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So I use the NVidia Control Panel app to take screenshots and videos.  Since it’s already running and it takes good shots it seems dumb to not use it.

I ended up being super busy this week and didn’t play much, just got through like, talking to Kaidan after the big speech on the bridge more or less for the entire week, and through Therum.  I updated my drivers a day or two ago.  And then I didn’t notice that for whatever reason, yesterday when I went to play for a few hours, NVidia decided to record videos just fine, but not take screenshots.  I probably actually mashed the button several hundred times.... but all I got were videos.

Most of it wasn’t a great loss, it was a lot of talking to the crew, and a few planetary missions which... so I’m going to have to go back and redo some of it later for screenshots.

But I thought... hey, for posting on tumblr, I’ll just make it a shorter update and make a few gifs and most this a mostly-gif post!  That’ll be fun!

...and then I spent several hours making almost 80 gifs, including a lot of what I also had screenshots for but thought making gifs would be more fun.  

I mean I was watching the last few eps of the newest season of Great British Bake Off on Netflix, and a few other shows this morning so it wasn’t just gif time... but yeah I made a lot.  So I might split this into two posts now because... that’s a lot of gifs. This post will still have a lot of screenshots, too.  So here we go!

There are so many things to love about this moment.  It’s such a great like, re-launch of the game... Bioware telling us “Okay, now you know the plot, you know all the major players, you know a lot about our world (galaxy) and how it works and who lives here, now, it’s time for you to go out on your own.”

First, it starts with being able to vent a little to Joker, which is a nice touch.  Shepard might feel guilty about taking the ship over from Anderson, but Joker also assures us here, a great preview of the way he’s tasked with helping Shepard keep it together in ME3.

I love seeing Shepard’s words affect the crew.  The swelling music, the same as the “you’re a Spectre now!!” music just underscores the journey, and what’s to come.

I used to always miss this scene by not picking the right speech option, and would be mad Kaidan was left out of this montage.  My fault!

This moment is so beautiful and epic.

...and here we go.

ALOT, btw, makes the galaxy map so pretty.  Sharper and clearer and more colorful.  

We all usually just head to Liara’s Dig Site first, right?  Unless you’re doing one of those “Pick up Liara last just to see what happens” playthroughs?  I did that once. It felt weird.  And sad, when you tell her “oops I killed your mom and I’m not sorry.”  Seems like she shouldn’t have gotten over that so quickly, but well, that’s game design.  The entire plot just doesn’t feel the same and more flimsy without Liara around from the start.

I usually do Therum --> Feros --> Noveria --> Virmire.

Well okay, first a stop at Edolus, since, you know, it’s on the way.

What a LOVELY day, nothing could possibly go wrong on this barren world. I feel like they gave us a pretty easy-to-get-around-on world to start out with.

I honestly love driving around in the mako 90% of the time?  Once you’re used to the controls, it’s not that hard to get most places you want to go.  Though I admit the Nomad in Andromeda is a big upgrade.  I kinda miss it in ME2 and ME3, though I only do what driving is necessary in Overlord and skip Firewalker like, half the time.

First, let’s check out the map...

I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize you could mark your destination on the map and it’d put a handy arrow on your radar until I started playing on PC.  Before then I was checking the map every 5 seconds making SURE I was going the right way.  *facepalm*  

Generally my scanning strategy on the planet is... just go to the things on the map, but do go to ALL the things on the map.  If I see something along the way, stop and get it.  I don’t go way out of my way to look for unmarked stuff.  Usually the UNC missions can be completed doing that + complete planet / asteroid scanning.

Oh hey here’s a guy, let’s just grab what we can off him...

UGH.  MINIGAMES.

Like I get that the minigame is a stand in for “looking for clues, are you successful in finding anything useful?” or whatever but it’s still just the worst.  A minigame is fun occasionally, making it as a gate to something like looting a body is stupid.  I guess I have to forgo actually putting points into things that keep Kaidan alive at the early levels so he can help me... loot bodies.  Cool.  Great.

Since I’m cheating in credits, all weapons and armor get medigelled almost immediately so that I don’t have to do the minigame later on when they get harder, like, ever.

The ME2 minigames at least make a little more sense than this moving puzzler thing.  That’s at least an attempt to look like some kind of code hacking or rewiring/reprogramming.  This thing is just... silly.

ME2 has a disable minigames mod... so there will be no talk of minigames from here on out.  They don’t exist after the easy minigames early on in ME1.

So I ... somehow managed to not get video or screenshots of you know the ICONIC THRESHER MAW attack on Edolus?  So please enjoy this gif I made of it back in 2013 instead.

It’s such a great fakeout and moment.  Like “Oh man how easy my goal is like right in front of me!  That’s great, so easy!” then OH HELL NO, FUCK YOU, GIANT WORM!!

These gifs are from another planet later on, but they’ll do.

My normal MO with Maws is to get out of the way, far enough that they can’t appear too close to or especially under me, but close enough that they do still show up, then stay stationary and jump over the goo while shooting at it.

YOU’RE FACING THE OTHER WAY HOW DID YOU SPIT AT ME?!

This is fine.  EVERYTHING IS FINE. We’re just A LITTLE ON FIRE.  Our shields are at full...

Oh hell, Kaidan slap some medigel on it, please.

Even though we don’t know who Cerberus is yet, FUCK YOU CERBERUS. I always bring the VS to any Cerberus mission because THEY WERE RIGHT NOT TO JOIN YOU IN CERBERUS.  Let’s keep a FUCK YOU CERBERUS count going to remember all the horrible shit we SAW Cerberus do in ME1 to remind ourselves why Ashley or Kaidan is the only SANE ONE for going “No, sorry, I’m not joining you in Cerberus.”

Deep breath

OK, let’s go get Liara.

Wrex comes with us to Therum.

Dear Lord, Therum is gorgeous.

This is real nice just a pleasant day on this thresher maw-less planet and great scenery, we’ll find that asari scientist in no ti--- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Have I mentioned how everything is fine lately?

Well it’s time for how I deal with most of the geth while in the Mako...

Armatures are worth five points each!

Rocket troopers are only two points, but I got a lot of them!

Stopping and fighting in the Mako takes way too long.  Push on through all the way til we’re stopped.

Hm, this is the one I should push, right?

*crickets*

Fine.

Just... real pretty.

I love this part of Therum right here.  A really great, scary fight that feels so dangerous, but winnable.  Great level design, too.

Then this happens.

Does everyone’s hair do that in this cutscene, or just mine, or this hairstyle?

Also, ME3 has a mod now that lets chracters use their correct weapons in cutscenes, my eternal devotion to the modder who could do that in ME1.  None of these characters use assault rifles in-game!!

I’m fairly certain I have played and replayed this fight more than any other in ME1.  AKA RUN FOR COVER OH SHIT AVOID THE BOMBS AND LASERS FLYING AT YOU AT ONCE PLEASE DON’T DIE COMPANIONS PLEASE KILL SOMETHING I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN AHHHHH!!! 

This time around, I died my first time, actually did really well the second time, and decided to go back and record the fight for gifs and... won, barely.  The gifs would not be good.  Wrex and Kaidan didn’t last long. 

Anyway, It’s a great cutscene, but hoo boy I wish it were skippable.

Okay but what were these ruins *for*.  Also, real lucky that they had the boss fight way up here instead of down where Liara was.

Speaking of Liara...

Hello Doctor T’soni!

I have a lot of questions like... how long have you been in that bubble?  How are you sustaining it that long?  How long has it been since you’ve eaten?  If I didn’t come get you until after Virmire, would you have been holding that bubble up for the weeks in between then and now?  

Ah well, you’re here now, and I suppose I’m going to owe you my life later so... welcome to the team.

You gotta admit that’s one badass entrance, though uh, if the forcefield is still up, where did he come from?  Doesn’t matter.  Wrex, let’s kill us one of your brethren (sorry.)

I’ll just *assume* that Liara is too tired from holding up her stasis bubble she was in to actually be USEFUL.

I love the chaos of running the fuck out of there.

Texture popping is still an issue even with a decent computer and texture packs, but at least it’s quick now.

Also I really feel the loss of this conference room in the future games.  The awkward oval table never quite feels the same.  But also, uh, this is a lot of room taken up in this small ship for eight chairs and a holoprojector.  You gotta think there’s more uses for this space than just that.

But yeah, I love these check-ins, it’s a chance for everyone to get together and really hash out what’s going on, as well as reinforcing the plot to the players in a more natural way.  Having Liara this early will let us understand the Protheans better at an earlier stage, even if it turns out she’s wrong about some stuff (though at the time this was written, she was right for all everyone knew.)

Wrex and Garrus don’t talk much here, probably because you can make it through the game without one of them.  I did a “didn’t recruit Garrus” playthrough in ME2 once.  They change like one or two lines then Garrus goes back to talking about Old Times.  So like you CAN, but you really shouldn’t not recruit Garrus, because Bioware didn’t do a great job changing anything aside from your initial greeting during the Omega Archangel mission.

Not recruiting Wrex, though.  Wow that’ll have consequences later on.

OK!  So the gang’s all here, and this post is already very long.  Next time: Let’s go talk to everyone for awhile, and do a few more sidequests because we can’t go back to the Citadel til our persuasion is high enough to grind Mikhailovich’s arguments into the dust!

[d00dt00nz]

Obligatory promo stuff at the top because it sucks and I hate it and let’s get it out of the way! follow me on twitter where I’m active, check me out on spotify for music, or like my facebook for sparse updates on music stuff. Thank you. The Cover art is by Ellie Tison

Okay!! Last song!!

Well, I say last song, but it's more like “last song”. There is one more song that I used as an epilogue, but I'm not going to get into that, and honestly if you've listened to 13 tracks without being sold (why would you do that?) one more track isn't going to sell you on it.

And would you look at that, the last song is a reprise of the first song. Wow, it's like Sgt Pepper... that's so cool. Now it makes sense why I didn't bother talking about that first song right? Not planned btw.

This song was one of the first songs I wrote for this album. I said this for a few. Truthfully I did four or so around the same time and they were all great. I had a few more tracks in the oven as well. Everything was going great. I was like “wow this album's gonna be done in no time!” Anyway that was like three or four years ago. I guess that's how these things tend to go.

This is back when I was trying to make a bit more of a straight ahead rock/indie rock sounding album. I'm pretty sure I wrote this song on guitar, lyrics and all, which is honestly (and sadly) pretty rare for me these days. I had this idea for repeated backing vocals and a call/response sort of song structure. I'm pretty sure this more energetic version of the song came first. I originally wanted a sort of Lou Reed feel to it, but once I wrote that groovy dancy bass riff it immediately lost that feel. Once I started recording electric guitars I accidentally did a grungy “brrroww” at the end of the phrase and really liked it. I replicated it throughout the track and in turn lost even more of that Lou Reed feel.

In my original recording process I had a damaged patchcord. I didn't realize it at first because I was trying out some new equipment. I just thought it was really quiet. That being the case, I had to turn it up way loud to get a good volume and that's actually where some of the guitar tone you can hear (mainly in the one playing a melody-line during the chorus) comes from. I actually really liked it, I thought it sounded like Pavement. Actually, my Tiff did too and that's probably the nicest thing she's ever said about any of my music.

At some point I added more guitar tracks to the track to make it sound fuller, and also replace some of the ones recorded with a broken patchcord. I honestly kinda liked the original tracks, which still had a little bit of that 70s glam grittiness to them, but I'm far too neurotic about this stuff to really sit with that. In the end it sounded less 70s and more mid 90s. It had a sound that I've actually been trying to get for a while, though not on this track – the sort of fuzzy swirling guitars with a groovy beat and bassline to it. Tiff described it as being “Like those music videos where everything is blue and everyone's got really baggy pants”, which, again, big compliment. I don't know if that one was actually a compliment, but I'll take what I can get.

The song had its genesis at that same party I mentioned last time. There's nothing specific really. We had my album on and it's got a pretty fun cool first half. The people there were enjoying it, but then it gets to the second half and it's a little bit more mopey. It's also completely sexless and uncool throughout. That being the case, one of the guys there was like

“Sorry Con-dog, the vibes are just not working with this right now,”

and I was like,

“Oh don't worry about it, I understand dude,”

And then he was like, “Right on man. I’m getting fucked vibes from those guys over there. Here, hit this for me.”

And then I did some coke off a Pulp Fiction VHS tape.

I thought to myself, “man it'd be nice to have music that you could put on at a party”. Which basically was the whole idea behind this album, conscious or not. I don't really know if it succeeded, but there's definitely a certain kind of party where this would play, and honestly I don't think I'd mind being at it.

The album was originally going to be more centered around the idea of the character described in this track. I mean, obviously he's me, but I'm trying to detach myself and make things a little more universal. I wanted to explore all the different traits and behaviors that this one person has. Some of them being mine, and some of them being not. Honestly, it didn't really pull through to the end. There's a little bit of that in here, but it's mostly just songs. I'm okay with that. They have some thematic cohesion. It's got this song bookending the album. Wow, it's like Sgt. Pepper.....

The ending is a little bit embarrassing for me because I do a bit of a scream voice, which, honestly I don't think there's anything actively wrong with it, I just cringe when I hear myself doing it because it's like “ah oh god I'm doing that”. I don't know. There's also the fact that, well, one of the things I yell is the word “Wasteman”, which is a little bit of an outdated slang right now, but when I actually recorded the song it wasn't. Whatever, this is an insanely white album from a white kid. I figure a lot of people who enjoy this type of music haven't actually heard that word. I wouldn't have, but I hang out with Tiff's cool friends sometimes. Honestly I think it's a cool term. I think the most embarrassing part though is I copy-pasted it so it repeats twice because I felt like I wanted more intensity. I don't think it's super noticeable, but the idea makes it a little disingenuous. During the outro I wanted to add a little more of that “90s blue and baggy” feel, so I plugged in a keyboard and freaked out on the organ setting. I think it really adds a lot.

The slower version of the song was written afterwards and I actually cheat because it uses some of the same midi tracks. I was super torn between the more exciting sound that I had and my original “vision” for the song, which was a bit more downtempo Lou-Reed inspired. I figured, why not do both?

There's not a whole lot to cover here that I haven't already covered. Mostly the backing vocals, but only because I think I did a worse job with them than the other version. There's nothing outwardly wrong with them per-se, but I think the blend is not good and that's gonna immediately stick out to some people. The middle section just kinda came about because the other version doesn't really have a proper chorus. It just has some guitar noodling. I played around with the chord progression of the middle chorus in the fast version and made something that was a bit more structured, then adapted a melody around it. Harmonies grew out of the melody. I felt like something was missing, so I took that same call and response idea from earlier and applied it here too. I really liked the interplay between the two vocal lines. The “Purify me” line was originally supposed to come up again and again throughout the album. One of the tracks that ALMOST made it would have been the song it was from, and then there would be callbacks to the melody throughout the album. It was kind of like a motif. That was unfortunately completely scrapped and this is the last trace of it. Maybe I'll work the idea into something I do in the future.

I like this song. I realized way too late that it massively rips off The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane. I guess that “Lou Reed inspired” idea was a little bit too literal. Fortunately I would say the middle section saves it from being too much of a copy. I think it's a good way to start and finish the album. I also like the thematic notions of this album starting with the same track it ends on. Like these things work in cycles and you're never truly free of your own quicksand. Like an Ouroboros eating its own tail, like Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. When one cycle ends, a new begins. The same, but slightly different – until it is completely undermined by the epilogue track that says “no this is actually the end”.

Hey congrats on making it through all of these entries! You may have only read this one, or even skipped to the end. If you did that, disregard that previous sentence and go back to read them. This album was the culmination of a lot of work and thought. 13 of these writeups was nothing compared to probably hundreds of hours spent working on this album, and probably thousands of hours thinking about it. I'm aware few people are reading these writeups, but it's honestly mostly my own indulgence. I gotta decompress this stuff and be free of this album. I can finally get rid of all this useless crap in my brain. I'll probably enjoy being able to go back and read this stuff once I've forgotten most of this, and once I've become a more mature person. I'll probably go “wow this shit is cringe. I can't believe he posted like 22 pages of cringe” but that's okay. The album's okay. I made for certain it was not, in fact, cringe before releasing it. And honestly I enjoyed writing these.

A part of me wants to get back to the freakish pace I had in like 2011 where this blog was nonstop content. I don't think it'd work so well in 2020 Tumblr because who even uses this site anymore? I think it's a little sad because it's pretty much the death of long form posting. Twitter is great because people pay attention to you, but sometimes I just want to write like two thousand words and have some psycho actually read them and respond to it. I think we've lost that on the internet. Sometimes I think of making youtube videos, but I'm no good in front of a camera. Sometimes I wonder, couldn't I just read something like this TO the camera? The answer is no, I can't. That'd be boring. I'm completely convinced nobody would watch that. I sometimes think that if I could add some editing and some visual component though, it'd work out. Some sort of... video essay. Some kind of... man with facial hair and left leaning politics who enjoys media and talks about both... Wow I wonder if that niche has been filled at all?

[starkerforlife6969]

Replying to anonymous messages! As usual, no prompts will be filled here! Just me replying to some love whilst not spamming anyone MWAH x 

1) Omg so I have an idea for the mafia!Tony au with bodyguards!Steve and Bucky etc and I was thinking what if Tony totally makes out that hes the Big Boss™ in front of everyone but Peter, Steve and Bucky know better coz in the bedroom Tony totally loves it when Steve and Bucky top him and for his birthday he got dicked down by Steve and Bucky while little Peter rode his dick to oblivion

that is a gorgeous idea you gem, but unfortunately i don’t write bottom Tony :(( I’m so sorry! My writing skills are just not versatile enough! While I’d love to read it, I couldn’t write it well enough :(( Please love me anyway! 

2) OMG THAT LOUNGE SINGER PETER FIC IS SOOOO GOOD ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED PLEASE TELL ME WE’LL SEE MORE OF IT.... ALSO SUPERSIZE ME IS AMAZING AND NO PRESSURE OBVIOUSLY BUT ARE U CONTINUING IT? LUV U

I AM GOING TO CONTINUE IT YOU UTTER UTTER GEM!!!! Aahhhhh!!! Supersize me will get continued...eventually. I wish I could say when but I’m so swamped at uni at the moment and any spare moment I have I spend usually writing for tumblr! :( I WILL get back to it though, that’s a promise I’m making you and myself! 

3) Can I ask who the piano player is? Love your blog btw

Hahahah, that’s a great question and I have zero answer for it. Maybe Bucky?? He strikes me as a really good piano player. Surly disposition, heart full of gold and music. 

4) Holy shit I would die for a sequel to the mob and singer post one day that was amaxing

THERE WILL BE ONE, GORGEOUS! 

5) P-Please sir, may we have some more?? Like CHRIST that one shot was hot 😩 mob boss Tony is so peng

Hahaha, there will be more, with actual smut this time ;) 

6) Wow, the way you write dark, possessive, mob/mafia boss Tony is soo unbelievably hot and amazing! You're definitely one, if not THE best fanfic writer out there! ❤ although I have to say that you're a little tease to end your latest fic before they had sex, I would just love to read that! 😍😁

hahaha I am a tease, and like I said to 5) there will be a sequel WITH actual smut hahahaha! Love you gorgeous! and oh my goodness I'm all red with your compliments, my head will explode. Flattery will get you everywhere! x

7) Hi I hope you're doing well, just wondering, would you ever consider writing a part 2 to your Alpha steve x Omega peter college AU? It was seriously so amazing xx

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LIKING THAT AU! It’s one of my favourites and I definitely, definitely plan on getting back to it. Rn I'm obsessed with starker, but spider shield will come back to me soon and as soon as it does- Im there! 

8) @betty-bloom “How are Omegas raised in The Green? Also, who are the other omegas with their Alphas? And thank you for adding me in the tag! I appreciate it a lot! It’s wonderful!”

Oh my goodness, you are too sweet. Haha and what fabulous questions! I’ll definitely have to do either a back in time one, or where they go and visit some of peter’s friends because right now, I just have a vague lil idea. Like a sweet little home for these omegas, very posh and proper teaching them how to behave and how to bake/garden with lots of rec time. Very soft and sunshine based, I think. 

9) what are the "bookmarks" in ao3 for? ://

Good question! I’ll explain the best way I know. So, you can bookmark a story to save it- when I finish an amazing story I bookmark it and add a little note like “holy shit this is so good read it again” so on days when I wanna read, instead of searching for a new story, I can go through my bookmark list. You can also bookmark a story when you’re only part of the way through and add a note like “chapter 4″ so you can remember where you were and easily find the story again.    People can also search through other people’s bookmarks. For example, If i read an author’s story and it’s so good and they don’t have any more (sad face) I go onto their bookmarks because most of the time, people like stuff similar to what they read- so if this author has bookmarked stories, chances are I’ll like them too! Not always, mind you, but a lot of the time this is a great way for finding new stories!    You can also add your own tags, for example if you didn’t think the author tagged it the way you would have.   And in case I did a horrible job (I think i did hahaha) here’s the link to ao3 explaining. Hope this helps!!! 

10) love your mafia au! would you ever consider doing an installment where peter gets seriously hurt and the boys freak out?

WOULD I?!?!?! GIRL IT’S ALREADY IN THE WORKS YOU GEM. 

11) Hey bb!!! I was wondering if ur still planning on updating the super size me story and also what does the title mean?

*sobs* I will update it I promise!!! I just have no idea when! As for the title um that’s a great question, I guess I thought i was being hilarious but I’m really not. It’s what I say whenever i get a cheat day and order fast food or want an extra large cup of coffee, I always say “super size me plz”, but i thought it could work like- supers...superpowers...big dicks...size kink...am i weird? I think so. HOPE THIS HELPED I LOVE YOU. 

12) Please more mafia!!! Its so great and it honestly got me back into fanfiction lol. Your an Amazing writer like ahhhhh

Wooo! Had to sit down after this one, *hot flush* alert thank you so much you gorgeous beast! I will write more, don’t worry! I don’t think I can ever give that au up hahaha x

13) Can you do more fairy Peter? Because I honestly live for it❤

CAN ?!?!? YES YES I WILL! thank you so much for liking it, honestly it’s gearing up to me my favourite au and i wanna do loooaaddsss. I just need ideas!!!

14) fairy peter part 2 pretty please? I love your writing and you inspire me so much, thank you 💙

Hello blue heart, you are a gem and I love you and I promise more fairy peter is coming! xxx

15) Hi! Do you take prompts? Because I have lots of ideas and I love how you write ❤

YES I DO TAKE PROMPTS AND I WANT THEM ALL GIVE THEM TO ME! Sometimes it’ll take me literally forever to write them, other times they could come the next day, it’s just what takes my fancy, you know? BUT I’D BE SO HAPPY IF YOU GAVE ME SOME! 

16) @idksrerek Just wanted to let you know I adore your writing!! Hope you have a fantastic day :)

oh my goodness this is too sweet i cannot deal with it. thank you so much i HOPE YOU HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY TOO 

17) your blog is literally perfect ❤️❤️❤️

fdbhfkbfeqjkqeq I DO NOT DESERVE YOU OH MY GOSH AHHHHH IM SCREAMING thank you so much this made my day. 

18) I check ur blog like every day and I screamed when part 5 of the mafia au came up LOL thank u

you are the sweetest thing in the whole entire world! i can’t wait to make like 100 parts for that au. 

19) Part 2 of Alpha Steve and Omega Peter college au? I need it

it’s coming i promise!!!!

20) Omg I’m kinda like DYING for a sequel to the Harley!Peter prison Drabble if you ever get around to it! 

THERE WILL BE I LOVE THIS AU AND IM SO GLAD YOU DO TOO! 

[heatherc1212]

Story Links and Deep Thoughts

So just in case you haven’t seen it this summer, I started a new Dawsey fanfic and it’s actually going really well (UPDATE: Story is now complete!). I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback which has been so encouraging for me. That story is now completely done but I all ready have plans for another one to write in conjunction with the new CF season (if I’m not gonna get any good Dawsey on the show, then I sure as heck am gonna write some, both for myself and for the other fans) and I’m super excited about tackling that story. I’m going to post the links to both stories here and this Tumblr post will be pinned on my Twitter profile page.

You are the Reason: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12944940/1/You-Are-the-Reason-A-Dawsey-Fanfic

Luckiest Souls: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065660/1/Luckiest-Souls

Hopefully you guys are interested in reading that second story because I cannot wait to start putting that one together! The outline for it is all ready over 3 pages long if that tells you how much thought and love is going into it, LOL ;)

I also need to post a rant about some things that have been bothering me this summer. This is gonna be long so bear with me while I try to put all my thoughts together. There are two parts to this rant and I apologize now if none of this makes any sense. I think I just need to get it all out of my system.

A.  Since when does everything happen in absolutes? This has been on my mind a lot lately as I continue to process the thought of watching CF without Gabby Dawson. There are so many people that seem to think she’s never coming back and I can’t quite figure out how they got there. I don’t live in that sort of absolute world and I know from being a fan of TV for a very long time that the TV world can be fluid and also very uncertain. This could turn out to be a rambling rant of unreadable garbage regarding CF but I need to get it all out (this is rant number one).

First off, here are just a few reasons that I came up with to completely dispute the theory that Monica is never coming back to CF (I seriously cannot figure out how people got there…)

1.    Monica didn’t leave on bad terms: We have absolutely no reason to believe that she hates the show, hates the network (heck, she’s on this big directing initiative thing with the SAME network so clearly she has no issues with them), or hates her coworkers. She’s been in touch with Derek off and on since she left and we saw her recently return to Chicago and attend a concert with some of the other One Chicago ladies. Why on earth would she not be receptive to coming back? That makes no sense to me. If she had cut everyone out of her life or something then I might believe it but she didn’t so that makes no sense.

2.    This Director’s Initiative is only for one year:  This director’s program is only for one TV season so it won’t keep her busy for longer than that and quite frankly, I feel like it could open the door more for her to come back in S8. She’s mentioned in the past how much she would love to direct an episode of CF and learning and working with another director for a solid year could give her a leg up on getting that opportunity with her old show. I’ve checked around and she doesn’t seem to have any other projects lined up during this gig either and usually when a person leaves a show for good, their project list starts filling up on IMDB and hers hasn’t done that. That’s public information that goes into that database so why wouldn’t she be lining up other things if she’s gone for good?

3.    The Storyline: Gabby and Matt are definitely in a rough place right now but I don’t see it as the final ending that other people seem to see (and honestly, I think the only people who see this as a final ending are the asshats who hate Gabby and just want her gone…they’re seeing what they want to see and not what’s actually happened). I can easily see Gabby needing time to process the news that she shouldn’t get pregnant because of the risk to her own life because that is a HUGE deal to women. She’s been yearning for a family with Matt since they lost their baby in S4 and now someone is basically taking that away from them. That is a freaking GIGANTIC blow to this little family. Heck, I’m in my early 40s right now and I’m constantly wondering if being a mom will ever be in my future (i.e. my age now makes it riskier to get pregnant, plus I’m not even dating anyone right now and I won’t have a baby without a husband). That isn’t something that’s easy for women to process and Gabby is such a strong willed and passionate person that being told she can’t or shouldn’t get pregnant is a hard pill to swallow. We saw how much she wanted to give Matt a baby, it’s the one thing he’s wanted his whole life, and how she didn’t care how risky it was….she was going to give that to him no matter what. She’s not seeing things beyond that and Matt isn’t seeing things beyond the possibility of losing her which IMO, has caused them to talk AT each other more than talk TO each other. Time apart is not a bad thing for these two to process the shock and sadness of that baby news and I would understand completely if it takes Gabby a while to come to grips with it because I haven’t come to grips with my own issues yet (and I don’t even have any female problems). If the writers thought that Monica was never going to come back, they would have killed Gabby off IMO because it would be the only way to get Matt to move on at some point. Keeping her alive, the fact that they’ve done research about long distance relationships, and having Matt still processing everything himself screams to me that they have a long term story that they still want to tell and are putting things on hold with the hope of getting her back someday to finish it right. Derek admitted recently that he knows he messed up her exit back in the spring….I can see him not wanting to give up on their story so easily and again, the fact that he’s spoken to her a few times since she left the show should give us hope that she wouldn’t be opposed to coming back to complete Dawsey’s story. And seriously, Monica is such a passionate, intelligent, and creative person herself…do you honestly think she would be okay with her character being left in such a bad place? This season will tell us more as it goes on because if they keep her and Matt together long distance for S7, then I will absolutely believe that she’s coming back sooner rather than later. We will have to wait and see on that one but she’s not dead guys…she’s just in PR. (I’ll refrain from going on my rant about how military families have to deal with long distance stuff all the time and how those couples don’t just give up on their marriages when they go through hard stuff or are apart for a while. There’s definitely a way they could tell a Dawsey story without having Monica around and I will be watching intently to see if they actually do this or not. The lazy story is to just end them and throw Matt into something else at some point but the challenging and more interesting story is to figure out this long distance thing and get Monica back at some point so my preference is for them to go that way. Again, we’ll have to wait and see though.)

4.    The fanbase is a little fragile right now: This might seem like a weird reason but bear with me for a moment. Dawsey fans are on edge because we don’t know the details of how they’re going to handle this whole story. Dawsey haters are all dancing because their most hated character isn’t there and they seem to think that Matt will just jump into another relationship like two weeks into the season. General CF fans are on edge because the writing was lazy at times in S6 and storylines are getting repetitive. The show’s ratings have been way down from what they were on Tuesday nights and now they’re the show that got sandwiched right between the other two Chicago shows for this upcoming season. I firmly believe that NBC did this on purpose because the fanbase is so fragile right now and they’re worried about ratings. You piss off the Dawsey fans and you’re gonna lose a giant chunk of your audience. You piss off the non Dawsey fans and you’re gonna lose a different chunk of your audience. If you keep telling the SAME stories in different ways over and over again, your audience is still going to shrink because the general fans that don’t really ship anyone will jump off the bandwagon and move on as well. This show cannot afford to lose more fans and I’ve seen a lot of posts on social media or online articles from both Dawsey fans and general show fans who all ready won’t be watching S7 for the two reasons I shared earlier in this paragraph. CF has to be really careful with how they tell their stories in S7 because from what all I can see, if they don’t pay attention to this sort of thing, then they’re gonna be in genuine danger of not getting a S8. BTW-The other thing I’m seeing from the fanbase is apathy which is the WORST thing that can happen to a show. When fans stop caring, they stop watching and CF is in danger of that too as people lose trust in the writers to create something worth watching. This will definitely be an interesting year for the show and as annoyed as I still am with that S6 finale, I don’t want the show to fail (I still genuinely like all the actors and people there) but I also won’t watch a show that doesn’t entertain me anymore. I’ve quit shows that were on my all-time favorites list before and I won’t hesitate to drop CF like a rock if they stop entertaining me this season.

5.    Monica’s note: “See you on the ice.” When I read the message she posted on Twitter earlier this summer, that phrase stuck out to me like a sore thumb because I had no clue what it meant. Well, it turns out it means something very interesting. From Urban Dictionary:

“Something you say when you know there is going to be a long period of time before seeing someone again however the intention is that day will come.”

Monica doesn’t just write or share things for no reason. She’s not stupid and maybe this is just my opinion, but I think that was her way of telling her fans that she doesn’t plan to be gone forever and that we will see her on the show again someday. I have no idea when that someday will come (I’m gonna be bold and predict that she comes back at the end of S7 so that Casey can actually have a good cliffhanger for once) but the proof of a possible return is right there on her note IMO and I choose to believe that she does have every intention of returning someday.

DISCLAIMER: I totally understand if there are people out there who don’t agree with all my thoughts here and that’s fine. This is all my opinion and the the last time I checked, I was allowed to have one without being ridiculed or being treated badly. This fanbase has had some bad apples out there treating people horribly simply because they don’t share the same opinion and boy does that need to stop. No one deserves to be treated badly simply because they have a different point of view than someone else. “Do undo others as you would have them do unto you.”

B. The other thing that’s been bothering me this summer is harder for me to talk about but I’m going to try to put my thoughts into words now. This will be rant number two but this is more of a confession than an actual rant.

I have been struggling hard to process this whole CF thing with Monica leaving and what that’s going to do with my OTP but that struggle has been more of a personal nature than anything else. That Dawsey fight and finding out about Monica leaving hit me deep in a place that I hadn’t felt since OUAT killed off Neal years ago. Normally I can deal with changes to my TV shows or when people come and go pretty well but this was literally my only OTP left and watching it fall apart in the finale was beyond difficult. I’m still struggling with it all these months later to be honest and that’s become a big concern for me.

Why does this affect me so much? Its a fictional TV show, with fictional people, and it just isn’t that important in the grand scheme of life. Yet I find myself thinking about it often and the emotional reaction I had to it actually woke up my creative side and now has me writing fanfic just so I can fix the mess that CF left behind (I do love writing but I hadn’t felt compelled to do it in nearly a decade so that caught me off guard even though I find myself enjoying it). It bothers me that I’m so affected by a stupid TV show and I have found myself wishing that I could turn my heart off so I can just forget about it and move on. That would make life so much easier (and I’m truly envious of people who are able to watch TV and just not care that much about anything that happens there). Unfortunately I can’t do that though and now, all these months later, I’m not sure I want to do that anymore.

Perspective is a funny thing and I’ve been getting a lot of lessons in that this summer from things that are happening to the lives in people I consider some of my best friends. One of my closest friends has basically been watching her mother die of pancreatic cancer for over five years (mom has been going through chemo and other sorts of treatments and this year has been particularly hard). Earlier this year they thought they were going to lose her and it was a scary and emotional time for all of us wondering about mom’s condition. They went on a family vacation in July and things seemed to be improving but about two weeks ago, mom ended up back in the hospital to get fluid taken off her heart again and she made the decision to stop all of her treatments. The doctors told them that she might have about two months left, if even that, so now the family has to deal with all these emotional choices and my friend is struggling because of all those decisions that they have to make now. I’m doing my best to support her but its hard because I’m such a passionate and emotional person so while trying to be strong, I’m also hurting for her and her family (I’ve known her mom for a while and she’s one of the sweetest and kindest people out there). In addition to that news, I also found out this week that another of my best friends is about to lose an uncle to cancer and not only is that hard because it’s her dad’s brother and it’s all happened so suddenly, it’s also rough on the rest of her family because of a bunch of drama going on with some other family members. Its really quite a mess and I just saw her tonight so I could see how much it’s taking out of her to be there for her dad while worrying about her uncle’s health. I also have a sister in my Christian women’s sorority who is dying of cancer (she’s in hospice right now) and that’s been emotionally breaking me since I’ve known that sweet lady since I was in college years ago. She is by far one of the most precious ladies I’ve ever known and seeing her struggle just hurts my heart along with all my other sisters hearts too. I don’t know how much longer she has but it’s very likely that we won’t see her at our national council next summer and that thought is hard for me to process since she’s been there ever since I joined the group. Real life has definitely been tough this summer and I’ve been stuck in this emotionally draining place going back and forth between processing things in my real life and in my TV fandom.

This brings me back to the CF mess and two questions that I’ve been asking myself all summer: 1. Why am I letting this fictional show mess me up so much when there are SOOOO many other more important things I should be concerned about, and 2. How do I get past this so I can truly be there for my friends and family that need me. I wish I had some answers but I don’t have any right now. I don’t think this is something I can get past in the blink of an eye. I can’t just turn off my heart because that wouldn’t allow me to be there for those who need me and I still haven’t come to grips with how the show is going to change so the struggle continues for me. As a person of faith, I know I should be lifting these things up in prayer but I find myself unable to put things into words. I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out how to move forward after getting so invested in a fictional story and that actually helps because I know it’s not just me. This probably sounds silly to those of you who are able to turn your hearts off and move forward (and I have no problem with that...more power to you) but it’s something I’ve been working through this summer and all I can hope now is that I find some peace at some point before the TV season starts.

I’m not sure what all I wanted to accomplish by posting all of this stuff but I really felt compelled to share it just in case anyone else is feeling the same way that I do. Please know you’re not alone in feeling a bit lost, emotional, confused, frustrated, and wishing for some peace and a happy ending regarding the CF mess and I hope you all know that you can reach out to me if you want to talk about anything. I’m just a message or a tweet away. Thanks as always for reading one of my epicly long posts! =)

/end rant (and more power to you if you actually read this entire post)

[justmeinstead]

Sun, 6 May

hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!after so long for not updating my profile for tumblr theres alot to talk about tho. I just dk where to start with really heheh, well i just gonna go with the flow tho. Usually i update it thru my phone but i find it smh difficult cause need to type and it gets irritating at times, right now im at work and my office comp is able to access to tmblr so is much easier to type with the keyboard. Especially when you know you have content to talk about. Before we start where we left which idk whr, i would like to say tht is been 1year alrd for me and my ummi. See the girl in my DP pic shes been the best tht ever hppn in my life, nothing cn take her away from me plus we hve our princess tht will always hold us tight tgtr and both of us will do our best to guide her and raise her well. One more thing have fun reading ummi. ILOVEYOU IT HAS BEEN AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE.

Lets Begin;

So whr did i stop after so long??? hmmm guess what fgt about it is alrd 2018 a brand new year and is alrd May guys Ramadhan also around the corner...if we were to flashbck for 2018 hmm smh theres kinda alot tht had hppn alrd..lets lay it out shall we, i will list down the importants of it only ok? Lets go...

1) Savings plan for our marriage is a lil bit bumpy as we just used it up for our trip to bangkok. No doubt we hve alrd plan to pick up our savings. 

2) 1st year anniversary falls on 11/04/2018 and on the 21/03/2018 is also our 1st year of knowing each other. For this story of our anniversary i will try to keep it nice and short to read. It has been a bumpy ride for our r/s knowing is been alrd 1 year were tgtr so blessed and thanks to him above who plan our path to meet each other. Ofcrs the mainstream part of anniversary is the exchnge gift, im actually speechless when i recieve mine,you guys wont believe the creativeness in her to do wht she did is just beyond wow! heheh let me tell about wht she did, she did a flipbook with just papers and each pages has it owns unique style of animations is all DIY evry piece of details and attention she did is done perfectly. For hers i buy is all a last min item heheh wht i bought is a laptop bag and a notebook, knowing she loves to write and her diary she needs a new one plus is green her fav colour but guess wht shes smh now hooked with the colour blue which my fav colour ^^ is true laa how come shes not into blue evry time when we go out as family cnfrm whr blue most of the time heheh. Wtv it is alhamdulillah we manage to pull thru wtv tht we face tgtr the ups and down. Now all we need to do is to be strict in our savings and wait for the big day inshaallah amin.

3) Bangkok Trip

For this trip is a 4d3n trip for us we were so excited for it and at the same is sad. why sad? is bcs we cant bring along our princess along as distance away w/o her is sucks. Nvr the less we keep our heads up and proceed, so how the day when from day 1 till were bck in sg? Let me see if im able to cut evrtyg short and squeeze all the stories tgtr or nah..wish me luck heheh..[ 28/04/18 1st day; ummi hve to work from 7am -2pm, while i was still sleeping. So i fetch her from work and first thing we proceed to clementi mall and chnge some amount of money once we did tht we straight proceed to changi as our flight is at 1800hr. Fast fwd, we rch changi airport take our boarding pass and we go find food, keep searching we decide to eat McDonald. Continue story once landed ^^ We reach Bkk alrd heheh thts a very fast forward from mkn to land at Bkk, once rch we got to freaking walk 500m just to rch the arrival hall..rch the arrival, chop passport,all done we go and get our simcard as internet access is major must since we are on our own, get simcard done.Next we get into line for a cab and guess what once we get a cab it cost us about 500 Thai Baht whr my friend says you can get at about below 300 baht..well anw we manage to rch the hotel and settle btw we stay in Bangkok City Hotel.] [29/04/18 2nd day; Theres a lot for 2nd day as we were out from noon till night and most of it we do is shop and walk nothing much just exploring the city tgtr. Food wasnt so difficult for us as our hotel is near to a mosque and therefore theres Halal food, we had lunch in one of the shop near the mosque.. All we had was just one plain rice with 2 omelletes thts for ummi and i had rice with beef and basils, not only is cheap is freaking delicious and the serving were just right and is just a good meal to have. Well actually nothing much to say for this day..main thing is walk around and shopping thats all guys.][30/04/2018 3rd day; for this day also we didnt do much just go out shop and we when to the night market which open at 5pm onwards. End the night early get bck to our hotel pack our stuff get ready for heading bck on the next day.][01/05/2018 4th day; woke up, freshen up, get ready say one last goodbye to the hotel and chckout. We tot we cn get a cheaper price ride to the airport infact is the same price as we took when we first landed. well anw we still got money left so we just pay for it jelh.] 

So guys thats the update from eversince we last posted anytg and to my ummi happy reading to this post..Till more to come Inshaallah Amin!.ILOVEYOU UMMI IT HAS BEEN AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE, IMISSYOU SO MUCH UMMI. Blessed to have you and kakak thanks to him.

-Justmeinstead ^^

[richgxrl1998-blog]

Hello im back: Rant

Hey there! Tis me, the lil sad girl that trys to uses internet as a personal journal.

I used to use this site as a safe place where I could run to if I ever felt scared, unappreciated, alone and in a state of anxiety. It really helped me then and since things have been getting pretty bad im using this site again. Its a good distraction from the hectic reality thay I am living at the moment and I really need that.

So a little update, as to the reason im back up and running again;

• I have gone to a psychiatric hospital about 5 months ago now where I came out as a totally completely different person. I had only stayed a night when my doctor there recommended me to stay 2 weeks. But luckly he was kind enough to accept my beg of letting me go back home to focus on work. Which btw hasnt even been sprouting really for me. Ive been cut down to 2 hrs a week and its been taking its tol on me AND my bank account.

•While being there I finally got diagnosed with Chronic Depression, Social Anxiety, and Bi polar disorder. I had previously been diagnosing myself with depression and anxiety due to me been dealing with it for nearly half my adolescent life, but it was super overwhelming finally knowing my illnesses werent just in my head and that it was a start to "helping" myself understand me better.

• Recently I have been to 4 hospital doctors about me having this continuous pain all throughout my body. These aren't...muted aches and pains. They're...strong, pulsing, sharp pains that can go from my chest, arm, ribs, neck/shoulders, sometimes my legs wrists, my back wings ache a lot recently as well. Ive been having cluster headaches from time to time, and I even sometimes get pain in my stomach area (this area is new though). I sometimes even get dull pains around my jaw/earlobe region. This has been really streasing me out due to the fact, every doctor I have gone to see has told me my ECG scans are normal, my blood is healthy and cannot clot, my heart rates good, my breathing is fine and my lungs are "healthy" (which shocked me cause I have had my fare amount of tob+weed shotties). The only thing he said MIGHT seem a little out of place is the high red and white blood cells in my urine but that he'd get back to me in 48hrs with more info. And that, in the meantime, he would prescribe me antibiotics incase I do have a kidney infection. But I have 3/7 pills left and the pain has not worsened or gotten better. (Might I also add, its been 3 days later and he sTILL hasnt gotten back to me on that urine sample

• Yesterday was my first counselling sesion with melanie at the foundry here, im not sure how I feel about it yet...but Im still giving it a try. She said she will get me in with a doctor there so they can help figure out whats going on with me and see if this is just anxiety/stress taking its toll on me.

• I took a pregnancy test today to see if I was pregnant and I only got 1 line so im glad to say it looks like precnacy is not a factor in this matter (thank god). I did take 2, and both showed same so I know its safe to say im not having little Serena just yet.

So thats a little sliver of whats been going on since me deleting tumblr. Im hoping coming back will help me control my energy and mood a little better, and also helo distract me from pain and any hectic situations going on in my daily life lately. All I ask is that if you do read all of my personal stuff, that you dont go and spread it around. I use this site like many of you would, as a safe place and a journal. I like to put all my stuff in here (mainly cause writing in a journal looks messy and not neat) because it helps me keep track. And also my anxiety tells me if something were to ever happen to me I have witnesses for whats been going on in my life. Yes thats a little morbid but truthful.

SO YA im bACK. And im gonna cross my fingers this helps put a little more spice into my daily life again. I missed you tumblr.

[theolddarkmachine]

Replies!

Yay! 

@faggotatcostco : aaAAAHH!!! YUS OMG THSI IS FANTASIC!!!!!!!!

:DDDDD THANK YOU! I really was like a bundle of nerves posting it cuz I was like OKAY BUT WHAT IF EVERYONE IS LIKE “THIS IS TERRIBLE!” Writing endings has got to be the hardest part of writing lol

@bluuesparrow : JUST LETTING YOU KNOW I SQUEALED REALLY LOUDLY AND SCARED MY DOGS WHEN I SAW THE UPDATE 8D

Omg please tell your doggos I’m sorry for being the cause of the squeal that scared them! (Btw, I absolutely love your artwork. I am LIVING for the Dragon’s Den stripper au art. Seriously. Living for it.)

@tanasha91 :Ahhh soo cuute!! Loved it! I really loved how he gently told her! It was such an awww Gajeel your such a softy moment! I love love loved it!! Now im excited for this epilogue!

Lol I just really love the idea of him bein a big ol softy. Like the idea of Gajeel taking the time to write a note as Lily was probably my fave thing I’ve ever thought of cuz in my head here’s Gajeel scribbling a note as Lily and even drawing a little pawprint and I CANNOT. (ALSO IDK WHY BUT NO MATTER WHAT I DO I CAN’T TAG YOUR URL?! DAMMIT TUMBLR!)

@missnargaluna : Gahhhhh! Oh my gosh! So happy to read this update

Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it! 

@ranunculus-fox :I’m only disappointed because it’s almost over and I selfishly want it to last foooorrreeevvveerrr. But, alas, all good things. Absolutely adorable chapter, Levy’s anxiety became my anxiety even though I knew she would be with him in the end. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 can’t wait for the epilogue 😍😍😍😍

Lol I’ll take that disappointment! I’m kinda sad to finish it too, but I am super duper excited to get started on the next one too. IT IS TIME! (Said like Rafiki in Lion King lol)

@kelbel0330 :Tears of joy right now

The best kind of tears :) I know this is probably weird to say, but I’m very flattered by your tears of joy tbh.

@bianww :I don't want this story over, this chapter was so beautiful and I need more ❤

To be honest, I could probably make it go on forever, because I’ve really enjoyed writing this one. But I also would hate to ruin it by dragging it out :( So as much as it pains all of us, I must let this one end. (But might consider a one shot or two to give a peak into their lives. But if that happens, it won’t be for awhile lol)