#SaintlouisPark

[lightpost]

Sorry I'm not a Brit

I miss you, the pain of loss is sometimes to much. I'm so sorry I never held you closer, had you longer, is it selfish I love you so much I set you free? Its crazy to think you're out there in the world too. Living your life kind of without a knowing, I need a moment with you, get to see this a bit better, I'm limited here, just getting to the final round on this match, I'm giving and going deeper on this...I didn't do anything to prepare for this, it was a shot in the dark from you, so throw me a bone? Life falling apart? Desperation comes up a little, regret comes up a lot, an opportunity to communicate this with you, I can't face this place without you, myself, my truth, I'm aware of what this brings, the things inside, I want to face this demon, I will, there are somethings in this world alone will never do, I don't want you to face somethings without me either, I need you to have me in your life, lean on, I need to be there too, already missed out on way to much. Its spiritual and primal, its weighing on me emotionally, taking me out slowly physically, the abuse of the past haunts the present, its tough, I miss being around love, coming home to you, to laughing, to warmth, love, happiness, how can I miss it when I've never had it? Why does this void hurt? You've been in my head since that night, made a huge impact, its no longer a war inside but the battle hasn't been won, at a major cross road and you always seem to be the biggest hurdle I hurt myself over all the f*cking time! I am desperate to ask for help for this inner conflict? It makes me to uncomfterable too. I'm drawn to you, it was crazy that night, could we be happy together? Maybe this is the bold move I need, to find another apart of myself and let a little piece of you go, painful every time parts of my soul ripped to nothing. I'm lucky to have had such an experience with you. So blessed to be touched by divine in that way, its my job to change, my job to take the first step because being the only one that knows I had to find my own way, I'm no knight in shining armor but you are my king I am drawn to, was that real? can this be real? I felt something so there is a connection! So it intrigues me, I get it but I don't fully get it so the journey and discovery and my path as been mostly dark I shied away from you, away from life, love, the soul of us, the best parts of me are you, being alone like this is horrific, its getting rough, just to check in with someone at the end of the day for the rest of my life is my idea of bliss. Home.

[adamturman]

Join us April 12th, 7PM! Adam will be guest bartending a special RED Medicine @copperwingdistillery - as always, art prints will also be on the menu that night. RSVP via link in bio for more details. . #meettheartist #marqueemixologist . . . #adamturman #cheers #redmedicine #distillery #saintlouispark #copperwingdistillery #art #whiskey #guestbartender (at Copperwing Distillery)

[knitteapolis]

💗 Enjoy the little things 💗 Like for example, that I have new friends who live only 10 minutes away and have a very yarnbomb-able (it’s a word) neighborhood. P.s. These close friends are also amazing artists. Check out @heatherrenauxart & @elilibson ‘s incredible artwork. #enjoythelittlethings #raok #knitteapolis #yarnbomb #yarnbombs #fiberartist #mnart #mnartist #guerrillaknitting #hopkinsmn #yarnbombing #exploremn #guerrillakindness #thisismymn #mnnice #supportlocalart #heatherrenauxart #elilibson #creativebadass #creativebadasses #saintlouispark #randomactofkindness #randomactofart #colorpop (at Minnetonka, Minnesota)

[frankwestpfahl]

We're ready to talk about family cruising. It's going to be a magical couple of hours. . . . #selfie #justfrank #mn #minnesota #slp #saintlouispark #stlouispark #2019 #spring #april #tuesday #bestjobever #ilovemylife (at AAA Minneapolis) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw5aItllvXo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lt33onk8m2sy

[iamjessemartinz]

#Repost from @rabenson76 This 1999 Plymouth Prowler I spotted in SLP recently makes me think of 1 thing only, Prince, and a funny story behind this car he once owned in late ‘99 that I wrote about in a post months ago. He continues to make his presence felt on this birthday weekend with the Purple Fam in town. 💜💜#plymouthprowler #cool #prince4ever #1999 #thepurpleone #thepurpleone #princerogersnelson #sweetcar #slp #saintlouispark #minnesota #💜 #sweetcar #princescar #onlyinminnesota #purplefamily #purplefam #princefans https://www.instagram.com/p/CPwLd1Ulnju/?utm_medium=tumblr

[flamingogroupmn]

November 2019 Market Update!

[hea-employment]

#jobs #job #hiring RN Texas Terrace-Be Part of our Strength TODAY #SaintLouisPark… #jobsearch #career

#jobs #job #hiring RN Texas Terrace-Be Part of our Strength TODAY #SaintLouisPark… #jobsearch #career http://dlvr.it/MTK1dT

[lightpost]

Do I apologize for feeling this way? For being not myself, really? Fuck that, this and you. Yeah sure anger behind, pain and sadness, anger behind getting used unappreciated, there’s disgust dreaming about the x relationship doesn’t make mornings so pleasing, I want to go back to sleep to dream differently. His voice outweighs all bad dreams though. Those thoughts, that man, his voice. At least with him I don’t have to sleep to dream about him.

[adamturman]

Test Prints were by far our leading favorite screenprints at #superbowl - that’s why we love #testprinttuesday .. Today we feature riffs of the new Saint Louis Park print, 18 x 24. . Email info@adamturman.com to reserve . . #adamturman #tpt #goodmorning #saintlouispark #onlyinmn #steeltoebrewing #gooddaycafe (at Saint Louis Park, Minnesota)

[knitteapolis]

Some yarnbombs are big, sometimes they’re small. Sometimes you gotta catch ‘em all! #pokemon #yarnbomb #knitteapolis #tinycrochet #yarnbombing #freehandcrochet #yarnbombs #saintlouispark #pokemonart #pokemoncrochet #yarnbomber #raok #guerrillaart #guerrillaknitting #guerrillakindness #streetart #thisismymn #mnart #crochetallday #crochetersofig #crochetersofinstagram #stlouispark #creativebadass #gottacatchthemall (at Saint Louis Park, Minnesota) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsrSMNVlKVu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=bqhtdgnpf624

[frankwestpfahl]

Yippee it’s an amazing snowy Tuesday, April day in Minnesota. I’m @cariboucoffee and ready to start this weeks rounds of Frapp with Frank. It is wonderful to be inside watching the beautiful snow fall and cover the trees. Can’t wait for everyone to arrive. Time to get this show rolling... . . . #justfrank #frappwithfrank #selfie #cariboufrank #caribou #cariboucoffee #mycaribou #stayawakefor #cariboucoffeeid #cariboulove #cariboulife #cariboumoments #tea #tealover #teatime #cupoftea #ilovetea #coffee #MN #Minnesota #spring #2018 #tsl #toystoryland #april #saintlouispark #saintlouisparkmn #stlouispark (at Caribou Coffee)

[jjohnson8802-blog-blog]

"Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow."

Kurt Vonnegut

Being fortunate enough to attend a high school that had money for a music program is a blessing. I will always remember how much I grew internally and externally after those 4 years. My musicianship wouldn't be the same today without that time!!!

[lightpost]

Its not that I had a choice, the sound of his voice sent me out of body for a moment I was floating in the universe, planets, a sun, it was beyond my body I felt worlds, lifetimes, I felt his emotions, his pain, I felt his thoughts, his heart, it was simple it was complicated struck by lightening and left for me to only see the scar, I learned patience in time away, REGRET is one war I fight everyday, movement and stillness play major roles in future things. To regret not knowing a name. One person can bring a huge answer to everything. One person can be the reason behind all the damage, pain and rage. I opened a door to feel everything, One person who has the key and it isn’t me. 

I have never felt so helpless so hopeless or broke. Me, I cause it I blame no one but myself I listened to others, going after things that were never meant to be found/seen/heard all things come to the light eventually. Not all darkness is bad. I really shouldn’t be alone tonight not one of those nights I can shake off alone like I’ll be alright I’m used to it but this time its just different for you, every bone aches tears wont stop and what have I done? For so long I thought the idea of twins was rare once in 100 billion lifetime love so rare it shifts planets to be told to hold on to you not let you go was the best advice I got yesterday, only turns out they didn’t know I let you go. So my question to myself is I am still chasing you? I am the chaser and you be the runner? Somehow that’s what twin do... but I don’t enterally believe that I’ve read once that twins flames have to marry once together they can never part... is so bad that I wanted those words to be true? Are they true? Could you run after me now instead of me chasing you? Is that possible? How many bread crumbs can I leave without going over board or have I gone to far already? Writing about a spiritual experience its sacred to me its the side I’m most alive in, feeling his voice, something of that caliber knocked me out, this is just a process, a way for me to come back to myself. Between panic attacks and full blown melt downs having tonight alone was different maybe you’ll be here soon maybe you won’t every day hasn’t changed, how much it hurts to miss you. how much to love you alone no matter what  I’m staying. I’m here and I’m staying so There is nothing you can do either that will stop me for loving you, unconditionally. Its to late the damage and the reward have been dealt. 

[lightpost]

[lightpost]

For once I want to talk you, because I keep having dreams about you, so teach me something, your language maybe, or how you keep your light burning after all the years of drugs and darkness, how do you explore the world? This isn't a relationship but its still a connection that's why I know I will hold on, I wish because all that's I can do taking action just sends me deeper in a grave nothing ever does go my way, the current circumstance is a war zone you don't want to enter into, so I hope even though hope is dangerously deadly thing but you'll find these pages when I'm gone and pick up my soul and hold me for a little while, I can't show emotion, no more tears can't even show pain or happiness, I don't have anyone who can make them stop but because here its also dangerous to show emotion, to laugh they question laughter, don't be happy they will do anything in their power to make sure all you get are tears they force their will on you until you are on the bathroom floor dying from a overdoes of painkillers and they laugh like they did the greatest thing in the world I was hurt but I have no choice but to stay silent because they will gaslight you and hit you and beat you so yes its tough being here but I have survived worse I may not be enough I know, I can't be close to anyone anymore I'm not good on my own but its the only way I can protect those I care about keep them safe at a distance because being here is way too dangerous I wish I could walk away from all this to be fully in love with life but the chains and the cage and their demons make sure I only leave on their terms and in worse off conditions than before life already did the worst thing anyone could ever do, dreaming of you not being allowed to hug you or hold you is the cruelest, I think their goal in life to make it so damn uncomfortable that no one actually wants to be around, my life doesn't mean much anymore these days and being here just sucks the rest of my fight out of me until I am doing another overdoes in the bathroom ready and wanting to die because seeing me suffer somehow makes them happy and no voice of yours is going to save me.

Full of hurt and longing

[lightpost]

His voice gave me a acid trip

its been a bad one ever since he left. the nightmare won't stop. Its been a horrible decade. One person can change it all for me. I wish it was in my control. It scares me its not. His voice took everything from me. He did something to me. I blame that moment the most for me destroying me. Or did I ruin 3 lives that night? Nothing goes right anymore. I don't feel anything anymore. Am I free now? Or still their prisoner? Can you sick from being alone? Can he come back into my life now and shock the crap out of everything? Is he allowed to know that is voice is going to save my life? I need him right now! Its kind of important, Is he allowed to know that his voice lite fireworks off in my soul? I felt an out of body experience with his voice, it was one hit and than he was gone and decade later I'm still not enough for him. what am I even holding onto anymore? Hope killed me. A decade, you don't think I tried my hardest and hope killed every single time, every cry deeper than the last my heart hurts. My eyes aren't the same anymore. The mirror isn't a place I enjoy. What's so special about him? Why do I keep myself here? what's does he still mean to me after all these years? Can't I have someone new? Everything goes back to that night and I can't stop it. A thousand miles from myself. When I hear his voice again when he calls my name.. Will he end this pain?