#Sans on the other hand would absolutely go 100% full power - and still only do 1HP lol what an unfortunate design quirk for him

[sysig]

Chewtoy (Patreon)

[arashikitten]

Red Son- Monkie Kid Soulmate au

More Monkie Kid soulmate au!

This time: Red Son!

Red has five soul marks: the stylized monkey on his palm (MK), the green dragon on his wrist (Mei), a purple bull head on his left shoulderblade (DBK), an iron fan on his right shoulder blade (two guesses as to who that is), and finally, a skull with glowing blue eyes on his spine (Sans the White Bone Spirit).

The scar on his wrist is from his time as Guan Yin’s disciple. The bracelets were pretty tight and were on for a pretty long time (about 50 years in this au), so they ended up causing some scarring.

Once Red gets the marks on his palm/wrist, he starts wearing fingerless gloves. He despises the mark on his palm, believing that anyone who’s soul is represented by Sun Wukong is his enemy. He’s very insecure about his soul marks, and refuses to let anyone see them (he doesn’t even let Iron Fan see them).

It’s only after he switches sides that Red Son starts letting others see the soul marks on his hand and wrist, and even then that’s limited to MK and Mei. Still, Red has some days where he hides his palms and wrists, because he can’t bear to be reminded of his parent’s betrayal.

The only mark that Red Son always feels right about is the skull on his back: he knows the Baigujing is his enemy, and he’s perfectly fine with that.

Red ends up dating MK, and has a platonic relationship with Mei. The three end up becoming very close with each other, and would 100% die for each other without hesitation. Mei and MK both become very good at bringing Red out of a panic attack, and while MK might not understand any of Red’s technical jargon, he is still willing to listen to the fiery demon go on for hours about his latest invention.

Red and Mei have a sort of rivalry going: the two are very competitive when it comes to racing, and they will try to out do each other with how cool they can make their vehicle. MK knows better than to intervene, and has relegated himself to the sidelines as a cheerleader. Outside of that, Red and Mei are incredibly close, and have bonded over their less than stellar relationship with their parents, as well as the crippling expectations they hold themselves to. They will often talk about blueprints to each other, and have been known to spend hours pouring over them together.

Once Red joins the gang, he becomes... fiercely protective of Mei and MK. Now that he’s actually gotten to experience a positive relationship, he refuses to allow anyone to take it from him, and is TERRIFIED of the idea that his parents may go after MK and Mei to get back at him. Whenever the three go out together, Red Son is there’re with a 1000 yard state that deters almost any demon. (Spider Queen makes one attempt to kidnap MK again. She vanishes a day later, lair burned to a crisp. Demons of all shades avoid MK after that.)

After a while, word gets out that Red Son is courting the Monkey King’s successor. This leads to several instances of other demons attempting to court MK as well, in a desperate bid for power, and to get into Wukong’s good graces. MK is completely oblivious, and Mei and Red both agree to obliterate anyone who tries to take advantage of MK.

Red begins courting MK about two months after the switch, but most of his efforts either go unnoticed or end up being misinterpreted. Mei ends up joining forces with Jin and Yin in an attempt to get these two idiots together, but these effort usually end up making things more complicated.

Red ends up full on confessing to MK after a really bad fight against Macaque. MK ends up badly injured with a stab to the gut, and in a moment of desperation and terror, Red Son yells that MK can’t leave yet, because Red still hasn’t had the chance to tell him that he loves him. MK, with quiet tears in his eyes, tells Red Son that he knows, that he loves Red back, and that he has for a while now but could never work up the courage to say it.

Mk ends up in the hospital for a bit, but he survives, and once he wakes up Red asks if they’re a thing, to which MK, of course, says yes. After that, Red stops wearing the finger-less gloves entirely.

Some miscellaneous things:

Red Son is Bi here.

His relationship with Mei is queerplatonic: Mei is ace in this au.

Red and Pigsy... don’t get along. At all. The only time they ever work even remotely well together is when they are protecting Mk and Mei, and even then they still butt heads.

Red Son ends up getting possessed by the White Bone Spirit for a short time before he joins the gang, as Iron Fan decided that it was the best way to keep control of him. 

DBK and Iron Fan are much quicker to turn on Red in this au: They sent him on the weather station mission in an attempt to get rid of him. They are also much more overtly abusive here: think Ozai’s treatment of Zuko in ATLA. 

Red Son is an insomniac, and will often stay up all night with Mei.

Red and Sandy end up forming an unlikely bond: Sandy and Red have a tradition where they will spend two hours every Thursday meditating together. Sandy ends up giving Red a therapy cat named Jinhu. 

Wukong is very suspicious of Red Son at first, and spent about three months constantly monitoring him before he realized that the fire demon was head over heels for Mk. After that, he begins to watch Mei and the Gold and Silver bros try to get them together. He finds this absolutely hilarious.

Red Son has sleep paralysis. This has led to more than one occasion where Mei walks in to find Red Son staring in awe at her because, when he is stuck in sleep paralysis, he sees Mei as a huge ass green dragon. This also applies to Mk, who shows up like this .

After he gets more comfortable with showing his soulmarks, Red gets into the habit of rubbing them whenever he’s nervous. It comforts him, knowing that at least there is someone out there who cares about him.

[1-lightofjustice]

Justice for Awashima Seri

One of my latest posts made me want to re-watch K Project Return of Kings, especially Scepter 4 segment. And damn, there are so many things that happened to Awashima and frankly she didn’t deserve it. I’m not talking about GoRa’s overly disgusting fanservice attempts on Seri, although that’s indeed something that must be protested. I’m talking about how she was kept in dark by her two megane colleagues (mainly Munakata) even though she’s Second in Command of Scepter 4 and someone who has been working besides them for years. After I finished rewatching..... wow it’s worse than I remembered. My heart truly breaks for Seri, and I’m super glad that in the end she got her happy ending (by punching Munakata’s face). Like first, we know how worried she was about Munakata’s state, and after Reisaru’s fight in episode 8, Seri was so worried about Fushimi’s wellbeing and his bedding. Then at the very beginning of her role in episode 9, we have this :

For almost anyone besides Seri, maybe they will not think too much about the fact that they can’t understand what the hell are on Munakata and Fushimi’s heads, after all they’re not the easiest people to understand. But for Seri, it’s quite a new unpleasant territory for her. There’s a reason why she’s the Second in Command after Munakata, why she can easily command the rebel Fushimi without many protests from the said rebel, and why she can work alongside cryptic geniuses like Munakata and Fushimi. From R:B novel, we know that she’s an all-round achiever, but one of her main virtue is she’s goddamn observant. She more or less can understand Munakata’s unique mindset, and she mostly can see right through Fushimi’s bullshit. She more often can hit ‘100 point mark’ regarding the enigmatic Munakata and the ‘absolute tsundere’ Fushimi than any other human being except each other. Like on Munakata’s case, we have this :

Yoshino continued. “An ordinary man would have an interest in nude females, I think, but this is the Captain we’re talking about… How is it for him, what do you think?” She looked up at Awashima.

Awashima’s lips curved into a stiff smile as she took her time to think.

Then she drew a breath and, “I haven’t given that subject a thought until now. But well, if I had to answer…” She shook her head. “This is what I think: in the Captain’s case, it’s entirely possible that never once in his life he has so much as opened that kind of magazines or, alternatively, stores an entire thousand book collection of obscene materials in his room, and I won’t be surprised in the least in either case. Would this suffice as an answer?” Munakata Reishi’s right hand woman and Lieutenant, Awashima Seri, said with an even more strained smile.

 Case Files of Blue Chapter 1 (and looking at how eager Munakata asked Hidaka to show his collection, suffice to say that Awashima is absolutely correct about her answer).

Awashima: But, well, for the Captain it’s probably of equal value. Fushimi: Of equal value? What is? Awashima: Protecting this country’s peace and fulfilling his promise to a kindergartener.

Optician Drama CD

And on Fushimi’s case :

“…It might not be a misunderstanding, you know. What if I were in cahoots with Homura?” he retorted, lips pursed.

For a moment, Awashima’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing to slits as she humphed letting a slight smirk tug on her lips. “Suppose there really is a traitor who’s trembling while covered in cold sweat; I’d say at the very least it’s safe to assume he’s not switching sides because he likes it. It’s time for your report. The materials are ready, I hope?”

The King and The Traitor 

“It’s hard to call realistic, I have to agree with you on that. And on the off chance that it indeed is a strain’s doing, there is hardly any ground to claim harm sustained from the act. It’s the rainy season, after all. So I do find the idea of wasting time and manpower on investigating this possibility unreasonable, especially considering that we hardly have any to spare, but… if it’s an order from my superior officer, I will look into it though?”

It was said curtly and emotionlessly, but Awashima let out a little chuckle, hearing Fushimi’s answer. “Then look into it for me. Since like me, my competent and capable subordinate, too, seems to be concerned with this matter.”

Endless Rain

Also in anime, she noticed Yata’s worry for Mikoto and informed him about Mikoto’s condition to calm him. After breaking Sarumi’s fight, instead of asking apology, she demanded Fushimi to show her the result of his investigation, knowing full well that Fushimi already did some digging before he confronted Yata. She made the remark about only a King can attract another King. Heck, she already deduced that the reason why Munakata kept Zenjou-san on Scepter 4 is to kill Munakata one day, even though Munakata understandably never told anyone about it. During ROK, I kinda got feeling like Munakata and Fushimi were purposely ‘ghosting’ her, but looking at how observant she is, it’s quite understandable why Munakata and Fushimi kept Awashima in the dark to preserve their secret mission (still jerk move for them though). 

I think that’s one of the reason why Fushimi gave the hint about his secret mission only to Yata. Not only Yata is his best friend, but he also can count on Yata’s insensitiveness, having been the victim first-hand in the past. Like, Fushimi who is surprisingly responsible and dutiful for his job maybe thought “it’s fine to give Misaki a hint, it’s not like he can pick it up anyway”, so he can feel ‘less guilty’ for endangering the secrecy of his mission. Not that he’s wrong though, I mean Yata you’re a good guy but I have to say you really have a fine thick-head for not noticing and still saying that Fushimi betrayed the Blues, Fushimi jumped from sinking ship after Fushimi uttered such a vague sentence and after knowing that Fushimi secretly asked your brother to quit Jungle. Thank God Munakata gave him clear explanation later. Instead for Awashima, she only got this :

In that brief moment of silence, Fushimi let Awashima knew 3 things :

1. He joined Green clan and willing to attack his ‘former’ clansmen for them.

2. Not only joined Green clan, but he’s now one of J-ranker of Jungle. You know, the true Green clansmen, the one they have to be most cautious like Sukuna and Yukari.

3. He allied with one of Green clansman who participated on Anna’s kidnapping and former Scepter 4′s prisoner.

And he didn’t give Awashima and Kusanagi anything except complete silence and green-laced knife-throwing. Mission accomplished! The monkey succeeds on fooling the strong-willed and observant Lieutenant of Scepter 4. Just like the phrase “To fool your enemy, fool your friends”, there’s no way Awashima can perceive that except as complete betrayal. Haha.

(Truly, Fushimi was so good at executing his job. Too good, actually).

Then, after that shocking revelation that can shake someone’s mentality, she still had duty to report it toward her superior. Look at her reaction after Munakata said things about biting the giver’s hand.

(OMG watching that scene after knowing about Fushimi and Munakata’s secret mission made me truly itch to punch a certain King’s beautiful sparkly face).

She blamed herself for failing to look after Fushimi. I read some posts about Fushimi’s betrayal speculation before ROK episode 11 was aired, those who predicted that Fushimi joined Green for real, almost all expected Yata to stop Fushimi and made him go back to Scepter 4 (or Homra). While I understand the potential Sarumi heartbreaking angst and their another flashy fighting scene, I can’t help but think, can Yata do it? Not that I doubt strong bond between them, but Yata and Fushimi are equal in power. Okay, Yata is stronger in raw power, but Fushimi proved himself can accommodate his power effectively to match Yata. We know from their fight in Ashinaka Gakuen that Fushimi’s dual-color status can pass Yata’s defense, just like an attack can pass the defense from the same aura. Then Fushimi got his Green Aura. I didn’t say that Yata surely would lose to Fushimi on that situation, but it’s understandable if he lost and no one will blame him. But Seri? She’s canonly stronger than Fushimi, she’s usually can keep Fushimi on check in Scepter 4 and Seri is his direct superior after Munakata. I think if indeed Fushimi joined Green clan, the ones that have a chance to win battling him are Seri, Kusanagi, Kuro, and Kings. I can see Awashima blamed herself for failing to stop Fushimi and wanted to compensate for that failure by bringing Fushimi back to Scepter 4.

So, as if that burden is not heavy enough, Munakata brought Zenjou to his side and Awashima, who already worried about Munakata’s safety for a whole season and more, got an honor to watch on front seat as this happened :

Her King had a sword pointed toward his neck, but Awashima wasn’t fast enough to even touch her saber. Munakata’s Second in Command, who just realized that preventing her King’s Damocles Down is her responsibility, was shown the fact that she was not fast enough in comparison with Zenjou. Just, let’s imagine some time between episode 9 and 11 Seri looked at her saber, lamented at the fact that she failed to stop Fushimi and she was not fast enough to fulfil her most hurtful responsibility. Imagine Seri tried to get a hold of herself, readied herself to point her sword toward her closest comrades. 

Of course her torment didn’t end there. The Quack Prime Minister fired Munakata from his duty, removed him from Scepter 4. And Munakata, wordlessly, without giving any words or announcements toward his clansmen...  

(SERIOUSLY GIVE HER A BREAK! MUNAKATAAAAA!!!!)

I feel like that scene is the peak of Munakata’s “ghosting” toward Awashima. Not to mention, her (and Scepter 4) next order is :

(Help! My poor clueless ducklings are trapped while their genius jerk megane superiors are carelessly walking toward suicide plans!).

Honorary mention for the rest of poor lost ducklings :

(Yes, Munakata, you can’t just leave without any words toward your clansmen. Especially when you literally walked toward your death).

(BTW the meaning of “one unthinkable thing happening after another” is Fushimi’s betrayal followed by Munakata’s resignation. Little appreciation that they thought Fushimi’s betrayal is “unthinkable thing” even though the fact that Fushimi’s status as Homra’s “traitor” is widely known in Scepter 4).

 (Zenjou-san and the rest of Scepter 4 are not amused by your secret plan shenanigans, Munakata and Fushimi. Zenjou thought that those jerks truly ruin meganes’ reputation. Unbeknown to him, Enomoto thought the same).

Well, we know what happened after this. Seri and the rest of Special Squad got their first clue about what the heck is happened from a freaking TV, they rushed toward their King, the show was shifted to Silvers and Reds and NO SCEPTER 4 REUNION OR SETTLEMENT EVEN THOUGHT GORA CRAFTED SUCH A BIG AND COMPLEX CONFLICT IN SCEPTER 4.

Well, at least Seri got to punch Munakata in the face, even though in my opinion she truly deserved more after all the shits she had been through.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums.  A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.   Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Well, I think it’s time to create my own list of thoughts and wishes for season 3 of Titans

(I am well aware that some of these points are merely a wishful thinking but a girl can dream, right?)

First of all, the official stuff we found out so far:

- Redhood - I know Jason was treated poorly (to say the least) in s2 and that is a legit reason to be angry at the team but please let this transition make sense. Curran is putting a lot of work into it and I am sure his performance will be amazing, but storywise I really hope it’s not gonna end up being done in a “bratty kid throwing a tantrum” kind of way.

- Barbara Gordon - I don’t want to hear anything about a love triangle, got it? She’s being introduced as Dick’s ex for a reason. There might be some little things thrown in here and there like we had with Dawn in s1 but a full blown drama? We don’t need that shit! And besides, it’s been said she won’t be very happy to see Dick, neither she’ll be thrilled about Nightwing and Company running around her city.

Unless they turn it all into a comedy where instead of Kory being jealous - it’s the kids! Gar and Rachel going completely feral whenever Barbara gets close to Dick, giving off you’re not our mom so get out vibe and Kory lets them because she finds it hilarious (this season is supposed be *lighter* and *more fun* as I’ve heard, right?)

- Scarecrow - I am VERY intrigued to see that character. He’s supposed be locked up and working with GCPD but I do hope we’ll get to see him in action. I’m not really into comics world, I had to do my research on him, but from what I’ve found… Damn, fear toxin torture that show their biggest fears and nightmares would be awesome for my angst crave

- Blackfire - personally I don’t find a reason to panic. I know that the treatment of both Anna and her character, especially in s2 was unacceptable, I 100% agree with that. And it does give a reason to worry for s3. BUT why am I not worried?

1. Damaris Lewis has been promoted to a series regular a long time ago

2. Even with all the stuff happening in Gotham, Blackfire is still set to be the main villain - we had the same situation in s2. Cadmus was brought up to introduce Conner, even though Deathstroke was the main villian. So whatever is happening in Gotham, it’s for the introduction of Red Hood while Blackfire remains main villain.

3. Look at what Anna has been saying and the vibe she’s giving off! Would she be this happy if Kory wasn’t getting more screentime? Would she be getting calls from the showrunner about creating Kory’s background and having a chance to pitch him ideas like incorporating her native culture in building the world of Tamaran? WOULD SHE SAY WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE THAT THIS IS THEIR BEST SEASON YET?

So don’t worry too much about our girl. I’m sure she’s getting her time to shine. Even if it ends up being not as much as we would want, it’s still progress from last season.

And if the writers follow a similar schematic as for previous seasons, I see it going like this:

Blackfire = Deathstroke = Trigon (Main Villian)

Gotham stuff/Redhood = CADMUS/Conner = The Organization/Nuclear Family/Angela (side villian/introduction)

Scarecrow and Barbara = Doctor Light = Amy Rohrbach and Nic Zucco (plot device, appearance in 1-3 eps at most)

I might be wrong though, so don’t hold me on that. Because there’s also another storyline that needs to fit in between all of this

- Rachel on Themyscira - I am sure they won’t show as much of the island as they were originally planning for the same reason they moved the team from San Francisco to Gotham - weather conditions in this time of year resulting in lower temperatures, shorter and less sunny days. All of that wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for filming being pushed back due to Covid. I also had a feeling from the beginning that Rachel won’t come back victorious, or at least she will come back alone, with Donna showing up on her own later or at the end of the season. Now, with an information of the possible use of Lazarus Pit, it all makes even more sense. All my knowledge about those pits comes from Arrowverse so correct me if I’m wrong, but is Donna going to struggle with Blood Lust because of that? It is possible imo.

- Roy Harper and Tim Drake - I don’t have much to say about them, really. I’m excited to see Roy but the only valid reason for him to show up is to grieve Donna and maybe share his condolences to Dick or something like that. We don’t need more OG Titans drama. And Tim… well, new Robin in town will catch Jason’s attention and definitely spark some jealousy, evolving into a feeling of being ditched and abandoned, further confirming his belief of being a “reject”. All of this will only push him further to Red Hood.

Now, for the things I personally want to happen…

- Dickkory getting together - even if it happens in the finale, we need to see the progress! I don’t want this to happen off screen during the possible time jump. I want to see them supporting each other and being there for each other. I want to see Kory being his right-hand (wo)man and them leading the team together. And most importantly for me - the one thing that really brought them together in s1 - a continuation of their co-parenting of the younger Titans.

- Gar’s trauma being adressed - and I’m talking BOTH SEASONS. He really struggled with killing that guy in s1 and what CADMUS did to him made it all worse. He needs to talk about this with someone (and I hope that someone is Dick). And I really want to know if what happened to him is gonna have any lasting consequences.

- Donna and Dick need to talk things out - the worst thing about her death for me is the fact that these two didn’t get the chance to talk about what happened. Donna wasn’t a saint either and I find her behavior in the second half of s2 very hypocritical. It almost felt like this Donna and s1 Donna are two different people! She and Dick have a very strong bond and a lot of history. I’m sure they’ve had their fair share of fights in the past. I really hope they will sort this thing out and get back to being this amazing duo I fell in love with in s1.

- Rose and Jericho - I really want to see how this relationship will work and progress with them not really knowing each other but sharing one body.

- Growth and progress in Kory, Rachel and Gar’s powers - I think I don’t need to elaborate on that. I want to see Kory and Rachel fly, Rachel using more of her powers and discovering stuff like teleportation and telekinesis, Gar turning into other animals (lets pray HBO MAX will provide a decent budget for all of that). And obviously, following that…

- Supersuits for those three! - do I need to add more? I don’t think so.

- And can we get rid of Hank and Dawn? - I liked them in s1, tolerated them at the beginning of s2 and by the end I just wanted them gone. They are completely useless. Honestly? If I were to pick one… Hank can stay, we can still do something with him. But Dawn can go and don’t come back for all I care. I only need her for one more thing I’d like to see but more about that later.

And now the two most important things for me…

- MORE CORE FOUR FAMILY MOMENTS - this was the magic of season 1 that we only got some crumbs of in 2x01 and then it disappeared completely. I am in desperate need of Dick and Kory co-parenting their two superpowered teenage kids. And can someone FINALLY call Dick a DAD?! I would pay fortune to see that happen.

- Relationship progress between the Core Four - all the possible variants, but especially with the kids. It’s already been pretty much established that Rachel is Daddy’s Girl while Gar is Mama’s Boy. And it was nice to see Dick and Gar growing closer during season 2 while Rachel poured her heart out to Kory. But I was VERY MUCH with Gar and Kory when they both asked Rachel “Have you talked to Dick?” because girl YOU AND YOUR FATHER NEED TO TALK! A lot has happened, okay? (Not just because I am an absolute sucker for this dynamic and they are my favorites, but… get ready for a rant) I really want to go back to the way things were in s1 where they had at least one scene together every episode, where they talked and bonded a lot, where we actually could see the progress of this relationship. We’ve been stripped of that in s2. A little bit at the beginning, something at the end (I’m still mad Rachel didn’t get any closure for that nightmare that scared the hell out of her and yet had no influence on further events). I want to see Dick really embracing that role of a father, stepping up to responsibilities he kinda forgot about in s2. It would be nice to see a callback to his conversation with Dawn in 1x02 about how he’s “not taking her in” because “he can’t do family”. I’d love for Dawn to throw one big “I told you so!” in his face (and Dick agreeing she was right all along). I want to see Rachel leaning on him for support and encouragement while also growing independent in her own way. I also need to see more physical affection. Hugs are great and we always want more of them, but a touch of hand on the arm or cheek, or a forehead kiss would kill me. And I dream about a verbal “I love you” everyday…

Well, I think it’s all for now. Nothing else comes to mind atm. I might update this list as time goes on and we get more details…

[imaginedcreaderinsert]

Reader and her boyfriend get into an argument at the tower and he hits her? Dick is furious because he’s in love with her but the reader is just embarrassed?

Thanks for the request and I’m so sorry it took so long! But alas, here it is. I really wanted to write this one, as well as some other I have pending, but I just couldn’t find the words. I’m not 100% satisfied with this one (there’s no lemoney or anything unu), but I think I made my point across towards the important thing of this relationship. Don’t stay in one where physical abuse is condoned!

SUMMARY: As stated by ask, thought I think I took some liberties, Reader has been a Vigilante for some time in California, all on her own. The Titans arrive, and both join forces: Dick and Reader click specially well together, but to his demise, she is already in a relationship. A happy one? He cannot really say, specially when the red flags start to arise and a surprising discovery comes up.

WORD COUNT: 4780

TW: Swearing and past mentions of physical abuse in a relationship. It’s not hardcore, as always I try to make it somewhat vague, but I thought I should let my readers know. Oh, and warning, I THINK, Dick in this one is somewhat OOC. I think it might be due to my lack of sleep, but just beware.

Please don’t give it up — Dick Grayson x Reader

They all dealt with their own human affairs in the best fashion that they knew. The secret identities were given; it was something that no one was supposed to share unless absolutely necessary (which hadn’t been the case yet), and thus the exertion of powers was forbidden (unless, again, of absolute necessity). No one got into no one’s business, and as hard as it was becoming, Dick himself made that rule after having Kori meddled into his own private relationships. So now he couldn’t come between (Y/N) and his stupid human boyfriend, as much as he wanted to. It was stupid anyways – as much people liked him in, he was definitively not supposed to be there.

           But he should start from the beginning. (Y/N) had joined the group a little after the Titans had settled themselves down on the Tower. She had already been a Vigilante in San Francisco; thus “they” were the ones entering her territory. She worked the city alone, and as such received the help without resentment or suspicions. After all, all she wanted to do was keep safe as much as anyone else. It was her home after all. As a lonely vigilante (Y/N) tended to go on her own, and maybe that’s why she had such a crazy magnetism to Dick. She never spoke too much of anything unless questioned, she was intelligent and clearly knew everything she talked about. In that sense she was a bit like Tim: definitely not the star or talker of the room, but the most intelligent by far. She had started to join forces with the Titans before her official joining months before their first crisis on the city: massive bombings, attacks on civilian areas. It was pure terror, specially in the famous Golden Gate Bridge (who would have said they would be JUST like those superheroes in movies?). That was, if Dick remembers correctly, the first time he saved (Y/N)’s boyfriend. Now he wishes he would have just let his car sunk in the bottom of the ocean.

           The crisis had made them both coordinate; she had taken care of a certain area of the city all by herself (she had been backed up after with the help of the Titans, reluctantly he must said), while his group and some more had taken care of the other. They had been a good team, good leaders. (Y/N) accepted her place within them, as one more but always above everyone else. Dick and everyone else thought something would flourish between them that same night, when they got tipsy and drunk celebrating the latest addition: they had been a bit touchy, jabbing each other with witty jokes and comebacks, until… She had just excused herself, saying she had to go back to her own apartment. He perfectly remembers the conversation and the silence following it:

           “You know the Tower is just your home as much as-“

           “Yeah, no, absolutely. You’re the sweetest. Seriously, I just have to go check on somebody after the crazy day. And I should definitively feed my dog.”

           “Oh yeah? I had one too back in Gotham. Well, half. Ace was never really mine.”

           “Really? I’m sure he misses you. I would.” And yes, she must have been flirting; the rest of the Titans had given them space, moving towards the windows while they appeared to be exiting. Her small and hot hand had paused on his chest, maybe just trying to keep stable. “Byron is always like crazy when I get home. I really hope Daryl has taken him today to the vet, though. Ugh, who knows, he told me-“

           “I’m assuming Byron is your dog and Daryl your br-?”

           “Boyfriend, yeah. We’ve been now some time.”

           At that point they had been at the elevator, she almost in and him in a “suave” manner leaning into the iron of the doors so that the conversation could go in a little bit more. But he almost stumbled into it as soon as she said that: and everyone else could, seeing as there was a bit of a silence and after some not-so-glamorous half-laughing half-choking sounds from Wally.

           And that had been one of their last nights alone. At least for some time, seeing as Dick thought it would be just a momentary infatuation, a bit of a crush. Something temporary based solely on lust, seeing as he knew little to nothing on her. She was secretive still, quiet, as commandeering as she could be at times. She was an enigma that Dick liked to detangle and know more than he would admit to himself. It had taken months for him to finally acknowledge that what he felt was definitively something more meaningful that a simple crush or shallow sexual desire.

           That’s when he knew he was fucked.

           …

           “Oh, no, no, he is currently working at the San Francisco Chronicle. Yeah, he’s a photographer. Would you mind if maybe we… Posed sometime for him? Or gave him something exclusive? I mean, I would do it myself but he knows me too well. He would know it’s me.” Dick, Wally and her had been sparring for a bit. More concretely, she and Wally had been. He was correcting both of them from aside, seeing as it had become increasingly difficult to talk without actually falling for her. Wally honestly felt bad for him.

           “What do you mean? Haven’t you-? Does he know?”. Wally was probably the only one with a stable healthy relationship. Linda knew. They were perfect. Everyone knew they would get married, and that’s why Dick had backed off, thinking that was the case for (Y/N) and the nameless perfect boyfriend he had pictures in his own mind.

           “No! No, fuck, no. Daryl is… Difficult, to say the least. He thinks I’m working at some crappy editorial. He’s a bit protective. And a bit of an asshole.” It sounds slightly bitter, added in the last second, improvised. Like she didn’t mean to say it. Her eyes cross his, and she quickly averts it, going back to Wally’s. “We’ve been together for years, but it’s not the type of thing I would tell him”

           “Yes, I know. It’s the type of thing you tell to a stupid bunch of teenage kids with delirious dreams of sweet greatness and-OUCH. That hurts!”

           “Keep your head on the game, West.”

           He gains hope. That small breach he has caught you on, after some months half-ignoring you half putting distance between you both, he thinks he may be able to fill. He can be the glue. He will try, as douchey as it can sound.

           …

           “You are insufferable, Dick Grayson!”. She shouts, as they enter the kitchen. She is using a small towel to take off the sweat from her forehead. Wally had been more of a tutorial in comparison with Dick’s force. He had full on challenged her. “So smug, fuck… And now I have to go back home like this. I hate you.”

           “Can’t help it. You like to be riled up”. He is bold. Wally chokes on his water, and quickly excuses himself, probably knowing which way he was trying to take things to. And he definitively was not good at hiding emotions.

           “Oh, come on, like you don’t like to be defied and challenged. You have a huge masochistic streak, Grayson”.

           YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW, he screams inside his own head, smiling just a bit, in that way that makes her roll her eyes off. Even if she claims some kind of rush when saying she has to go, he can see she doesn’t want to. Her arms rest on the kitchen counter, cool marble that has her face in pure bliss, and her legs, he imagines, are jelly. She should just-

           “Why don’t you take a shower at the Tower stay? Or… At the very least I can call you a taxi.”

           “I don’t have clothes here, and it’s fine. I’m not spending much time at home anyways; I think it will be good…” There’s a small silence, where he thinks he might have fucked it up. Did it sound too forward? Could he ask how things were with the famous boyfriend? No, that was probably too petty, too jealous-“… But I won’t say no to the taxi. Just today, though.”

           “Sure. Let me call it up.”

           …

           That brings the problems.

           “I’m sorry, I will be back in a second. It’s urgent.” They were in the middle of a debriefing. Patrols for the week, which she takes more seriously than anyone – but the mobile had started vibrating like crazy, even she had it on silence. Apparently, that one contact was special and overruled every control and silent tone. Dick could only imagine who it was. “Just continue.”

           She takes it up, and her voice changes immediately: sweet, cheerful, giggly. Even as he continues talking, Dick can hear her feet on their way to the lounge, as far as possible. Is it that private? He can’t get distracted as he is giving out missions, but her tone makes all of them stop, stare at the door where (Y/N) is elevating her voice. Dick shushes the Titans up like a bunch of kids with the latest gossip and orders them to stay, as he gets out of the room towards her.

           “No! What the fuck is your problem, D.?”. Ouch. She had been using the same name with him in their latest sparring session. That fucking hurts. “No! Of course I’m not, how-! No, oh my God, if I have to repeat myself one more time, Daryl! I’m not cheating on you!”

           There’s a deafening silence, a small dance of victory in his own head. He knows he should be taking it more seriously (they might break up and he knows she loves him), but he can’t help but take this small point from Daryl’s ghostly presence whenever they talk and he gets brought up.

           “A friend, Daryl. He got me the taxi because I was tired, I had been at the gym, I told you! Fuck, you never listen to me. And after that I even had to take Byron out, even when you promised-“. She gets cut off, again. It’s annoying really, and she sighs, loudly and exasperatedly. “Listen, if you are just going to shout like a fucking caveman be my guest, but I’m not listening to anymore of this bullshit”.

           “(Y/N)!”. He shouts so loud from the phone he can even hear it. Then she hangs up and lets herself drop on the sofas. She looks tired; his smug and hopeful detective abilities tell him, shout him, it’s because this is not the first time you’ve had that conversation, at that level of heat or shouts. Has his name been brought up at any point? He feels really like a small kid, wishing for little and petty things like that towards her.

           “Eavesdropping is not very nice, Grayson. Care to come in or are you going to make me stand up?”. She asks, sarcastic as ever and inviting him to sit in the place next to her, patting the velvet slowly of the furniture. “Just come in. And don’t say anything. Just hug me.”

           He complies.

           …

           They have been flirting a bit more this time. (Y/N) is not sleeping there anymore, and from what Dick knows, they talk everyday for a couple of minutes, in an almost muttering tone, sometimes with too many silences and too many breaks on both behalves He wishes he could feel bad for her, she is suffering a bit after all, but every time they laugh together and she punches his arm, jokingly, he thinks he makes her forget about it.

           Until that happens.

           It’s a shooting in one of the top-rated working areas of San Francisco, where a lot of offices are conglomerated together. It is a panic. The fact that they have to deal with human weapons, rather than with some random and new alien race, makes it easier to control, but nonetheless it’s hard to see the blood, get in the midst of the terrorists. Especially when they get into the Chronicle’s tower where (Y/N)’s boyfriend is working at that same morning. None of them had truly made bonds with the city or its inhabitants, but she has been raised there. It’s her home. Without thinking, not too much, she gets midst of the flames, with all the smoke and possibility of collapse when Daryl tells her that he is still inside, trapped with some colleagues. There’s no time to do anything other than follow her; Wally helps, but he is the only one save (Y/N) and Dick to enter the building, save the civilians left inside and… Fuck, her boyfriend who immediately recognizes her. It was not too difficult, to be honest, especially when they know each other so well and with half a mask broken (bullets, fire, desperate attempts to get there as fast as possible).

           It’s a week after that and no one knows a thing about them. (Y/N) has completely disappeared from the tower, and save the occasional “I’m okay” texts he sends to Dick, just so that he can sleep, no one knows what’s going on… Until she appears in front of the doors of the Tower with him by her side. It sickens Dick to the pit of his stomach.

           …

           They are mostly staying there. He goes back for Byron, for work, for meeting some friends, but he waltzes around the Tower like he is one of them, when he isn’t. When he voices his concerns, he is met with protests and mumbles of him being too grumpy, too attached to the rules. He is not! But it is supposed to be top secrecy, and there they have a civilian who is… Too touchy for his own like. For anyone’s, really. Dick is not comfortable at his own home and that (Y/N) starts to notice. They still spar, talk until late, but it weird to have Daryl always gazing directly at him: he is sure, he knows. But he never says a thing, and thus it is… Okay. Until it stops being and the red flags appear. The incredible rage within Dick Grayson wakens.

           “You are just so controlling! All the time!”. She shouts. There’s no one else at that hour in the tower. It’s way too early, and his early-birds are already on patrol outside. “You don’t-can’t control me! Okay?! This was MY thing even before you knew about it! Nothing has ever happened to me, fuck, and if it were to happen-“

           “You are a woman, (Y/N). Biology-“

           “Oh my God. If you are going there Daryl Lane-“

           “But it is true! It’s just-!”

           “No, shut up or I’m going to punch you, I swear on everything!”

           Things are silent after that, but there’s an obvious tension on the room until he decides to leave, in a rush. Dick hides in the shadows, at a corner, hoping he won’t see in time, but he is too blinded by rage. He turns around, hoping maybe she will come to him. But he doesn’t know (Y/N) at all. She won’t come, specially not on a subject like that. And as he expects, he gets alone on the elevator before disappearing from their sight. He is tempted to go by her side, but she needs space. And more than anything, he doesn’t want to get accused of being a stalker.

           …

           Daryl stops coming. Fall passes, and winter comes in: thus the appropriate parties, alcohol, and inevitable encounters are to happen. Their final one is the night before Christmas Eve. They are celebrating, as usual, some white Christmas with a wave crime that has almost disappeared from California. They can actually take time for themselves, and (Y/N) and him are closer than ever; they talk until very late, then sometimes take it to one of their bedrooms, a midnight improvised snack, or sometimes marathons of stupid black and white movies (which she loves, adores. She is going to love her gift, he knows). Everyone knows they are crushing on each other hard; one would think that her boyfriend would be still an obstacle, but they are not talking anymore. She went to see him once, and that has been it since; after, she has just perfectly fitted into the Titans, like a second family. And of course, she has brought Byron with her… Who is the first that knows someone has entered the Tower.

           “B.?” She asks, confused as the dog runs from the table where they are all clinking their glasses. Dick doesn’t notice, hasn’t been paying attention to security these days, and that might have been his fault. It wasn’t supposed to happen. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

           The tone makes everyone turn around – and there he is, Daryl in the flesh, slightly drunk and freezing, it appears. He looks embarrassed, but confident at the same time. It’s strange. She gets up, in all her elegance, and grips Dick’s shoulder before going to him. She mutters, almost only to him: “Don’t come”. The rest will understand, but he knows she considers him the closest one. The only one who could actually come and intervene, if he wanted to. They are close friends, after all.

           “I’ll be back in a sec. Stay here”. He says, after a couple of seconds, getting up and coming onto them, the closest room where they have entered to talk in private. The door is slightly opened.

           What he sees shocks him. From his position, she is giving Dick her back, thus letting him see the tense and anxious lines of her shoulders and neck: almost scared, fearing the encounter. Her legs are in a battling position, even when he is not doing anything, just talking-

           “I’m sorry, you have to believe it. I didn’t mean to-I would never-you know I’m not the type. I didn’t mean to shut you. Slap you.”

           Out of everything, he did not expect that. If anything, he sounds honest, but his own blood is boiling and there’s nothing that can stop that for the moment. It is her business to deal with… But still, they had grown closer, she could have told him.

           “I don’t know what the fuck you are doing here, but you should go. You have no right over me, over anyone, woman or man, to put your hand on them like that. You are a piece of trash, Daryl.”

           “I know, I-“

           “No, you are scum, I-I don’t really know what you expected. That you would come here, sit with us for dinner and after-what? Go home, have sex and everything okay?”

           “(Y/N), I-“

           “No, fuck off! I have been hiding so much for your sake, so that you wouldn’t feel like less! I feared your reaction about my other life a lot, Daryl. I felt s bad because I know how much you hated lies, how you felt about it, and I loved you. I loved you so much, but you are just a piece of shit, trying to put me in your small traditional box! I am not going to do your dishes, clothes or work! I am not your sweet little girl for you to care and patronize-“

           “What, so you are his?! You are such a hypocrite, (Y/N).And the worst kind, a bitch. You are for his use alone or what? You never let yourself be pampered like that, treat like his own little princess-“

           “Who are you talking about?!”

           “Your friend Nightwing! Fuck you, you have been having these little chats, secret meetings… Have you fucked him? Have you sucked his cock while I was here, waiting for you on bed and cheering you on?”

           “You are piece of scum, Daryl! I have not been rejecting you these last months because of him. Yes, I do like him, but I would not go behind your back like you did! Fuck you!”

           “You are such a-“. His arm moves. His hand gets higher. He knows he has to act quick, and thus opens quickly the door, shoving her behind him, directly going against him to push him brutally into the wall against his back. It cracks behind them, pictures hanging on that same wall falling to the floor. The commotion makes everyone move, to their room, worried to what might be happening. “Fuck!”

           She gets in the middle, Dick already up and prepared to get into a fight at any moment, while the other is still confused on the ground. He can feel his own raged breaths: fury, instinct taking over rationality. He is destroyed on the floor but he still wants to annihilate him. How dare he, how would he-?

           “Dick, Dick. Hey, look at me. Richard!”. He looks at her, smaller in frame, tugging at his chest in the opposite direction of the room. She is trying to separate them. “Just go, please, don’t do anything else. Shut up, please, go and-“

           She seems to be close to crying, desperate in her voice and trying to get him out, as she is making him go through the door. Her eyes won’t even reach his, and he is now desperately trying to make contact, even as she shoves him out the door, with a whimper and finally closing the studio off. He is just as confused as the rest of them, but he won’t talk.

           …

           “Can I come in?”. Dick looks surprised. Did he not hear her? She had been looming around her own room for some hours now, everyone in their respective rooms after the night had been fucked up like that. No one felt like partying or drinking anymore. Still, his door had been opened, explicitly for her. He nods, and she finally comes in, closing the door behind them. “Okay, I’m going to talk, and I really don’t expect you to understand but… Okay.”

           >> Daryl and I had a very complicated relationships for some years. His family is fucked up and he had substance abuse problems in the past. I’m not excusing him, Dick, don’t roll your eyes. I just want you to understand where he comes from, why he is the way he is. He is not a bad person. No one is… But he thinks like that. He has to be the very best man, the most masculine out of everyone and always the best. It is his problem, but I tried to make it mine and help him. It did not work and it only put me in a difficult position, you know: always trying to be less so that he could be more. That’s partly why I never shared my secret identity with him. And why Cali’s own Vigilante was born. I needed something like this for myself. I was drowning, otherwise… And then you appeared.

           She laughs in pure incredulity; her hands gets buried in her own hair, as she brushes it off and goes to his bed, where he has been laying waiting for her. She sits down, her hand resting on his leg.

           “Okay, “you” as in “The Titans” appeared. That saved my ass because… Well, California is enormous. I could definitively NOT cover it all, so you all appearing was a miracle, honestly… But you appeared, Dick. You, as in Nightwing, as in Richard Grayson and the rawest “you” possible.” She looks at the door, almost embarrassingly, laughing a bit to herself. “I had such a big crush a couple of years ago I almost didn’t believe that you were right in front of me. Or that we got on so well, apparently… I kinda wished I didn’t have to go back home a lot of times, and… That’s because I felt something for you. And that was dangerous, because I had a boyfriend but-but things didn’t click with Daryl the way they dd with you, D. Really, truly. It is such a big cliché, but you made me feel seen, heard. You made me feel special, and I got hooked onto the feeling but-but I’m not like that. And I still had a boyfriend. Fuck, hell, I thought I was only lusting for you, but then-then months came by and it was still the same. And then we talked night after night, we cuddled under blankets, we took care of each other and… And things started going bad at home. He knew I was not in love with him anymore, and who could blame him? And while I didn’t want to act on my feelings with you, he did. Physically.”

           She sighs, like it’s taking a bit out of her. She frowns, looking at her own thigs as she gets both legs on the bed. Dick has the urge to embrace her.

           “The second time you offered me a bed here I wanted to take it in so badly, Dick. I swear to God I didn’t want to back there. No one had ever hit me, and-“. She chokes. She is… Strangely embarrassed, panicked. She won’t look at him, making herself small in the bed, vulnerable. “I didn’t know what to do. I still loved him; not like before, but wanted to stay true to him, be loyal, and he hit me. He said sorry after, he had been too drunk, but I knew he wanted to. And I just didn’t know how I could stay there after that, but still I-he promised things would get better, and I believed him, Dick. And then they didn’t.”

           She confesses she trusted things to get better because they normally did. She had been hit before, but she couldn’t tell anyone; she was alone, isolated from her family. And the Titans, they would mock her! Obviously not to her own face, but someone like her being slapped by her very normal and human boyfriend?! The laughing stock. She felt embarrassed by it, not being able to stop him, the red mark on her cheek, shameful and making her weak, less.

           He felt enraged. Not at her, of course not: at Daryl for making her feel powerless like that, stupid and less of the incredible woman she was because she was being hit. No one should feel embarrassed by it, much less be silenced for it. Dick embraces her, piecing the rest together all by himself. Things had started to go well, but the taxi had made him feel insecure, and thus they had exploited at each other not much later, resulting in a second slap in a short period of time which made her put distance between them. Intelligent. But then he had come and-

           “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have felt like that all by yourself… But I understand. It was your own struggle to deal with, and you didn’t want anyone else to know, but… There’s people here that love you, (Y/N). I love you, for starters.” He blurts it out naturally, taking both by surprise. He gets red, closing his eyes and trying to keep his cool. “I meant-What I mean is that I feel something strong, or rather strong for you. Since the start. Or something like that, fuck-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to come off so strong, but… But fuck yes, I-I do love you.”

           She climbs him. Slowly, almost torturing him in the silence of the room, sheets rustling as he moves his back up to straighten it. He is nervous, maybe as much as she is.

           They kiss. Lips trembling, fear still in he system, an intense desire to care for the other in his. It’s a long but caring kiss as he opens slightly his mouth and she enters his cavity, her tongue conquering space and his hands going for her hips, stabilizing them. He has been dreaming with that for at least three months.

           “Be my girlfriend.” And she can’t help but nod, as she kisses him up again. And again. And again, until they both are a mess of juvenile panting and squirming under the sheets.

           “Get properly into bed, I want to cuddle you.” She says, turning off the lights and getting closer to his face, climbing him up until her face can be buried in his neck. He kisses her forehead, heart beating fast but tranquil, at the same time. They have time, she loves him, and the only thing he wants now is to protect her between his arms.

           And she couldn’t feel any more secure, as she gets into bed and closes her eyes near his neck, protected and cuddled up by his strong arms on her waist.

[c0ry-c0nvoluted]

THE ENEMY IS NOT A SKIN COLOR. THE ENEMY IS A CLASS.

White privilege. The phrase implies special rights. The phrase implies having a jumpstart in the race by way of DNA. What it doesn’t imply is that that white-skinned Jim or Judy is gonna win that race, just that the game is rigged in their favor.

I don’t hate the concept. The validity of it, I mean. It honestly rings some-kind-of-true in my brain when taking into consideration the general social status of people of color. But there’s a problem with it. Not in its validity, but in its generality, its assumption, and the overall affect it has on our society.

The biggest and most obvious problem with it is that there are tens of millions of white people (if not hundreds of millions worldwide), who are all struggling just to make ends meet (if they can at all). There are “poor white folk” everywhere. And there are white kids who are terrorized by their own parents. There are white boys and girls getting bullied at school or in their neighborhood. There are white people suffering at the hands of violent criminals, scam artists, corporations, policemen… And I’m not talking about white criminals suffering, here...

I worked with this insanely gorgeous blond who was one of several dozen (I don’t remember the actual number) of women who were raped by this cop in my city (San Diego). He’d follow them from clubs, pull them over, take what he wanted from them, then send them on their way. He got away with it up until he didn’t, but how many cops still do? His choice of victim was young and white, as are most serial killer victims, but does their skin color matter? In the sense that they’re preferred as targets, yes, but not in the sense of right and wrong. Their white skin, in this case, wasn’t doing them any favors.

But let’s get back to the topic at hand.

Is “white privilege” real?

Well that depends on what you consider “white privilege” to be, and I think that’s where our signals are getting crossed. I think that if you look at it on a more psychological level you’ll see that, yes, “white privilege” is a real thing in that “white people are less likely to be demonized or judged negatively based solely on their skin tone.” (But not on their appearance. If a white person is dressed like a thug, he/she is going to get negatively judged the same way a Hispanic would. Whereas vice versa, if a black person was dressed like a total bookworm, they’re going to get judged as such, not as a criminal.) But blacks being judged more often solely on skin color is 100% true. Black-skinned people have been demonized throughout our nation’s history (and many other nations) and this demonization, along with insidious, covert attacks on black communities by those in power, have caused two things (among a plethora of others, but two for the sake of my point). 1: It’s caused non-blacks who are not racist but are just recognizing the patterns they’ve been force-fed by the media, to unintentionally relate black-skin with ignorance, violence, and criminal behavior. And 2: It’s brought about disparity, anger, and emotional trauma in the black community that is the cause of the higher crime rates in those communities and more black-on-black crime than white-on-black crime (by the people, I mean. I’m not counting by the government because that’s a whole other fuck-storm of shit that isn’t only aimed at blacks, but at any who are considered “lower-class,” which, yes, the majority of blacks in our country are. That’s not to say there are more poor black people than poor white people. I really doubt that’s the case. But the percentage of blacks or other minorities who are poor vs the percentage of whites who are is likely leaning in the direction of exactly what makes “white privilege” a valid argument. But I’m not a “facts” guy. The numbers are just ways to distract from the problem, so you’re not gonna catch me quoting them to cry foul on the BLM movement. The reality is that yes, there are probably more poor white people total than blacks in this country, but the psychology, the demonization of blacks, is a real thing.)

But there’s a problem with looking at this as “white privilege.” Number one: if we do that we (unintentionally) discredit any white person who is or has suffered. Those who are, or have suffered, will absolutely not take kindly to being told that they are “privileged”. And what happens when they are told this? It makes anyone with white skin who has suffered or is suffering (and there’s a fuck ton of us) think to themselves, “Oh, fuck no! You think I got it good? You think you’re the only one who has problems? You think you’re the only one who’s getting fucked by the system? Well fuck you, and your white privileged bullshit excuse to whine to the guilt-ridden middle class to get your free handouts! The government has fucked me over more times than I can count!” And what does this mind-state do? It creates a racial class-war between those who have white skin and are suffering, and those who have black/brown skin and are suffering. And who wins in this scenario? If you guessed “the upper-class” you get a prize. (Whatchoo want, a fuzzy bear? A goldfish in a plastic tub? G’ahead. Pick something nice out. You earned it.) So now you got poor white people with guns itching to shoot any black person with or without a gun who supports a movement that indirectly claims that their suffering is invalid. And what does this “civil class war” accomplish? It creates more “criminals” for the fucking private-owned prisons to make money off of, further separating the upper-class from the lower, creating more suffering, more anger, more hate, MORE RACISM.

So is white privilege real? Psychologically, yes, to the extent that our society psychologically favors white skin over black/brown. But has it ever made me any more money? No. Has it ever stopped the cops from pulling me over and searching my car? Fuck no. I’ve been detained, searched, followed, fined, towed, impounded, harassed more than most people you know, regardless of your color. I’ve lost count of how many damn times I’ve been harassed by the cops in my city. Shit, I wrote a goddamn rap song about it back in the early 2000’s called SDPD, smashing on the fuckers for harassing a guy who was just trying to get by. And I was NEVER a criminal. I NEVER had any weapons or hard drugs (ok, some pills and plenty of pot, but…), I was NEVER robbing anyone or breaking into cars or homes or gang banging (maybe just a smidge of graffiti, but that shit’s art), or causing any kind of…ok, no, there was some drunken shenanigans, for sure, but that was mostly my boys, not me. Lol The point is, being white DID NOT stop me from getting constantly harassed by the cops in my city. You know what did? A new car, less homies in the ride, no smoke blowing from the windows, and a slightly more tempered demeanor while driving. I still bump my rap music, but I’m not in a car full of teenage “trouble-makers”. I still speed, but I come to a complete stop at them signs, bruh. I still run red lights, but I look reeeal fucking carefully when I do. I still zip in-and-out of lanes on the freeway, but I keep it below 80 (mostly). So the only thing that’s changed is that I “appear” to have more money (with a nicer ride), and I show more maturity in being on the road. My skin color hasn’t changed, but my run-ins with the cops have.

The bottom line: Crying out “white privilege” ain’t gonna help anyone but the rich who’re sitting back and raking in the dough off all the drama and weapon sales and fines and arrests and damaged property that needs to be rebuilt. So don’t make our society’s problem about a skin color. When you do that you divide people into groups when you should be uniting them. Divided we fall. I know most of your intentions are righteous, (and this goes out to white people too who’re acknowledging their “privilege”), but you’re doing it wrong. You’re creating enemies by unintentionally discrediting anyone with white skin who has suffered at the hands of the system, claiming that you own the rights (the privilege?) of deciding that they’re the ones who are privileged, all while they’re slowly rotting in inequity right beside you.

THE ENEMY IS NOT A SKIN COLOR. THE ENEMY IS A CLASS.

And that class is the rich. The 1%.

Are most of them white? Yes. But will that stop them from stealing money from poor white people? From bankrupting small businesses with corporate industry? From putting blue-collar white people out of work and replacing them with machines? From taking their homes when they can’t pay back their loans? From putting them in prison when they fight back right next to you for equality? No. Because the 1% only care about profit, and they don’t care who they have to manipulate, rob, demoralize, or demonize to get it, or what skin color those people have. Let’s get our heads right. Open them angry eyes and see who the enemy really is. And fight THAT enemy, not the enemy that their manipulation has created for you.

How? The real solution to “white privilege” and inequity and inequality is a very simple concept but an incredibly complex task. It involves creating a society where money is obsolete. When this happens there will be no more inequality. There will be no “superpowers” or 1%. There will be no poor. There will be no rich. There will be no profit other than the profit of betterment, progress, knowledge, discovery, science, quality of living. But there’s only one way to make money obsolete, and that’s by removing labor from our society. Sound crazy? That’s because you don’t realize how close we are to doing it anyway. A fully automated society is right around the bend, my dudes. We have the technology to make ALL LABOR OBSOLETE, in which case no one will have to work, in which case money will have no significance. What will have significance? RESOURCES. But this is a topic I’ve discussed before and will again soon and more directly. So for now what can we do? We demand a society that serves the people’s interests, not the corporations’. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how to this because I’m not into politics, I’m into actual change, not perpetuating the same system that’s fucking us all. My advice? Start spreading the concept of a RESOURCE BASED ECONOMY as loud and as often as you can. This type of society eliminates corruption and inequity and is only just now becoming possible thanks to advancements in technology. Look into it. Spread the word. AND STOP CREATING SEGREGATION AMONG OUR PEOPLE. Please, for fuck’s sake, stop adding to our problems and start moving towards eliminating them. #fightsmarter2020 Thanks for reading. -cc

[always5hineee]

Hell and Back- Chapter 42: Game Master (Trials 90-100)

Word count: 2403

Chapter warnings: Mild language, themes

-----

       Their next trial was exactly the same. All that happened was the number switched from 89 to 90. It honestly had her wondering if there ever really were trials where they had earned skips, or if the game simply knew who it intended to die. She was questioning the power behind it. It was already strange that they'd be able to give her, as they'd stated, whatever she wanted. She remembered that offer.

      You have been given the opportunity to make a wish. The wish can be anything, quite literally. Do not underestimate our capabilities by making a trivial request. If we so choose, you may be invited to earn this wish. You are under no obligation should your wish be selected. You may only wish once.

       It was ridiculous. It was so ridiculous, she had chosen to partake. At the time, it seemed like a blessing. Now it was a living nightmare, one she wasn't quite sure she'd be able to fix. She had yet to tell anyone of her deception regarding the wish as well. Before, she'd figured that they'd be supportive, but... now that people were dead? The likelihood decreased with every carcass. Even if they were going to forgive her, would there be anyone left to do so by the end? They were in the final stretch now, but her hope was draining.

       It took them nearly a two full days to find the room they were meant to come upon. In walking through the doors, they first found similar rooms, then mazes like they had previously, (although this time, they were sans Kris's fireworks to see them through). Not only that, but Kris's leg was barely functional. He tried to reassure them that he could handle it, but putting stress on him wouldn't help anyone. They would take turns helping him along as he leaned on them. They would have carried him, but he would have found it humiliating, not to mention his weight being a significant factor.

       They ran out of diet supplementary pulls by the end of the first day. Of course, they didn't know if it was actually night or not, but they did know when they became too tired to continue on. No one knew how long they slept, and no one said much. Kris tried to make his usual shitty jokes, but they honestly just came off as mean, so he cut it out. The same happened with Baekhyun's goofy attitude- he was finding it harder and harder. to even bother smiling at this point. Xiumin continued making them ice cubes as they walked. It wasn't the most hydrating, but it was better than the alternative.

       When they finally found the room, it was like discovering Atlantis. It wasn't that there was anything particularly comforting about it, but it meant the end of their trek through this decrepit nightmare of epic proportions, a chance to finally finish this. 2 days was the longest they'd spent on any trial, and it was fantastic to be out of it.

       When they arrived, it looked to be just a gigantic room, bigger than the vat room, with barely anything in it. The black tiled floor stretched for what could have been a half a mile, with a raised platform and stairs descending from it in the center. Walking in, she looked around in awe. There were no pathways, doors, anything besides the structure and the floor beneath her. Venturing out into the room, the other boys looked around as well, but didn't seem to draw attention to anything unusual.

       Out of nowhere, the floor dropped from around them, almost like a shitty video game graphic. Tiles sank into a deep black pit, down which none of them could see anything. It left them separated, spread lightly around the room. They were close enough that they could hear each other, but not so they could jump to each others... what seemed to be pillars of sorts? She looked back to the door, searching for any way out of this, uncertain of checking her phone.

       "Boo!" A voice said suddenly from behind them, causing them all to spin. Standing above them on a platform, attacked to stairs and a runway, was a hooded figure. He was backlit by the room, and his robes hung around him in droves. "It's so nice to finally meet you!" He said like a young fan, obviously cheery. He lifted his hands, slender fingers peeking out from under the sleeves, to remove his hood, pulling the crease of the robe behind him so his legs were more free.

       He wasn't anyone that Y/N could ever recall seeing before. He was surprisingly young, and of similar height to Baekhyun, although clearly younger. His hair was dark and fell in soft waves over his face, nearly concealing the strange glint in his eyes. His jawline was strong, but subtle enough as it curved his face, smooth skin stretching over the expanse of the portion of his body that was revealed. Although he was technically still wearing the robe, with the hood pulled down and the folds pushed back behind him, she saw that he was dressed fairly casually in actuality, maybe even more stylishly than average.

       "Who are you?" Kris growled, confirming her suspicions that this was not someone familiar to them.

       "It's none of your business." The man said with a shrug, nonchalantly walking down the stairs from his own platform onto the runway that ran through all of theirs. "I've had such a fantastic time watching you." His lips plumping into a pout, he said, "I was hoping that last little trial would have taken more of you out. It seems like I'm going to have to settle for Xiumin."

       "Xiumin?" Baekhyun demanded, still defensive, "What's wrong with him?"

       "Oh, nothing technically. It won't be much longer now, though." The man laughed. Xiumin had seemed weaker, but they'd thought nothing of it... Thinking back to Lay, though, that was naive. Was it a similar situation? Was he sick? Seeing the glance of confusion on her face, the man held out his arms as if offering them a generous gift. "What? If you're that clueless, I suppose I'll explain. Unless...?" He asked, looking to the man in question, as if offering for him to explain on his own. He simply looked to the ground.

       "Alright, then! You see, Xiumin's power relies on drawing water from his environment to crystallize into ice. Of course, in light of this, I had to make absolutely certain there was none of that to be had. Of course, I didn't plan on giving you water once you got in here anyway, so it wasn't too difficult. That left him with only a few options once you idiots started demanding it from him. Take it from the air, which- I'm not even certain the random hydrogens and oxygens would have been enough, and even if they were, he could risk suffocating everyone in the process. He could take it from you, which would have defeated the purpose, or..." She looked to him as she realized, the man finishing her thought.

       "He can get it from himself."

       "Xiumin," she muttered, looking at his frame. With the context available, she began seeing gate specific indications. His cheeks were no longer soft and rounded as they had been, but now sinking just slightly into his face. His lips were cracked and he seemed tired.

       "Honestly, I'm surprised he's managed to hang on for this long," The man said with a congratulatory tone. "The same really goes for all of you. You're actually my first test run of this little game! I was a bit worried when you came in with such a diverse set of powers. I had to plan the challenges very meticulously. I was mostly worried about Tao and Lay, but they honestly dealt with themselves! It was hilarious to-"

       "Shut up! You don't get to talk about them like that." Kris seethed, glaring daggers into the man's body. He couldn't do anything, though.

      ��"I 'get' to talk about you however I want." He stuck a tongue out childishly. "It's my game, after all. And I'm being generous! Is this so much to ask for one little wish? A wish for anything you could truly ever want?"

       "Yes." He spat. "It is." Shrugging, the man posed,

       "And yet you're still here. Which brings me to your last trials." He spun on his heel, gesturing outwards. "Welcome to the final room! Designed it myself. Technically, you have ten trials left to complete, nine when your pipsqueak over there kicks the bucket.  Of course, I've realized that I've had to make this incredibly difficult for you all thus far, and as I said, you're a test run, so I'm willing to tweak the rules. So! I'll make you an offer." As he said this, a watch that she only just noticed he had on his wrist beeped quietly.

       "Oh! Speak of the devil, fatality skip!" Pressing something, she felt her phone buzz, and sure enough, there was the notification.

       Fatality skip: Trial 91

       "Xiumin!" She shouted, looking over to him desperately. He was laying down on his own platform, not moving at all.

       "That won't help you now, sweetheart." He said, walking on air over to Xiumin's platform. Was that his ability? Did he have more than one? He was outside of her realm of understanding to say the least. She watched helplessly as he removed the man's body from the platform by pushing it with his shoe, as if relocating a dead rat on the driveway. He did so with the same disgusted flick of his heel, turning away as his corpse fell into the abyss.

       "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She asked with tears now coursing down her face.

       "Wrong? I'm doing you a favor, don't you forget!" He said looking at her like a consumer upset with their product. "Which brings me to my, as I said, generous offer. I'd like to just give you your prize now, but that's no fun, and I'm curious." Grinning ear to ear, he asked, "Just how good of friends are you, really?"

       "What's that supposed to mean?" Kris growled.

       "Ah, ah, calm down, I was getting there." Sitting down cross-legged on the runway, he held up a hand. "You," he pointed to Kris, "And you." He pointed to Baekhyun. "First one to fall off of the platform dies, obviously. Once one of you goes, I'll reward the wish. Or, we can all sit here and wait to see which one of you starves to death first."

       "Why not me?" Y/N asked, looking at him helplessly. "Let me do it!" Pouting again, he shook his head.

       "That's no good. You're player one! The crown jewel! The wish maker! I can't have you dying on me, yeah?" Waving his arm, he dismissed her, "You just sit tight. I want to see who's going to push who in." Kris and Baekhyun locked eyes. Their platforms connected via tiled bridges, similar in material as to the floor when they'd first entered. They both walked down their pathways to meet in the center at a common pillar. The man in the robe watched intently as they looked to each other. Kris clearly had the advantage in height and weight class, but Baekhyun may be able to get an edge with agility and size. It was anyone's guess.

       "I'll go." Kris said with a sigh.

       "No! You can't do that!"

       "Baek, I'm hurt. If he were to do anything else, I wouldn't be of any use to you."

       "You can't die, Kris! We've made it this far, maybe we can-"

       "You know we can't do anything to this maniac!" Kris shoved him lightly in insistence. "I want nothing more than to crush his stupid fucking skull, I know. But you've seen what he can do, and he's clearly deranged. We'll never win, especially not on his terms and in this state."

       "But..."

       "You think I want to die?" Kris laughed, shaking. "I've been trying to keep this from happening the whole damn time. Hell, I almost died getting here. So did you."

       "Let me go. You'll take better care of Y/N. You're betraying he by leaving, and everyone who..." he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

       "I just told you, I'm doing it, no questions." Kris shifted his weight off his bad leg. "It'll be okay, man, I promise." Puling Baekhyun into a hug, something she'd rarely ever seen him do in their entire time of knowing each other, he said, "Now get our wish and bring everyone back, okay?" Baekhyun nodded as tears fell down his face, causing his eyes to grow red. "Hey, don't cry on me. You'e always been such a baby." Lightly punching him in the arm as he sniffled, Baekhyun argued,

       "You're literally crying, I don't wanna hear it." Kris pulled away from him, looking to Y/N and giving her a nod.

       "Don't let this piece of shit win, okay?" He asked. She didn't know what to do, watching in awe as she gave a slight nod.

       "Wait." Baekhyun said after he turned, holding out something. Looking down, Kris saw that it was the little stuffed animal he had taken as his item. They'd never needed it, but... somehow, in this moment, he was glad to have it.

       "Thank you." He laughed looking at it and putting it in his pocket. Then, limping to the edge in only a couple steps on his bad leg, he paused. He wanted to turn around, to say goodbye again, but it wasn't going to get any easier. Taking in a deep breath he looked downwards, to where there was seemingly no end. Then, as he exhaled, he stepped off, not making a sound.

       The man immediately began talking over Baekhyun's quiet crying and her choked noises of dread and incomprehensibility.

       "Ugh, that was so boring, I thought you two were at least going to fight each other. Baekhyun! What if he had pushed you off the edge, hmm? What if it had been a trap?"

       "I wanted to go, anyway." The boy muttered.

       "Ah, whatever, a deal's a deal, I guess. I don't like breaking the rules." The man shrugged. "Anyway, I gave you your wish, you can go. Bye!"

Go to Chapter 43

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Ghost Movies and Specials

It's very amusing that I'm covering a horror movie here, but that isn't a part of the Ghost series.

It is time to (kinda) close the book on the Ghost season.

I gotta be honest, I wasn't looking forward to doing this, and I was both very disappointed and also very surprise. It was a fun journey, with a few questionable choices, but still fun nonetheless.

But before I get to the works that belong under this umbrella, we'll dive into something a bit different at first...

Kamen Rider: THE FIRST & Kamen Rider: THE NEXT

So, while looking at the list of Ghost's movies I saw that Kamen Rider 1 was on the list and that it was also technically part of the canon. I debated if I should watch it or not since, after all, my knowledge of the OG Kamen Rider is pretty much below basic and I was very afraid I would be missing in a lot of stuff. I was well aware I wouldn't be able to watch the actual show right now and I didn't want to read the wiki so I was about to give up on the idea when I looked at my notes and I saw that Kamen Rider THE FIRST and THE NEXT were a thing, and I thought this would fit in perfectly with the amount of time I have right now. I knew THE FIRST was a remake/adaptation of the original TV show and the manga and THE NEXT was its sequel so this would probably give me enough context to watch Kamen Rider 1.

And I wish I had done some more research before watching these movies because I feel like watching THE NEXT was a mistake.

Like, while I can't attest how truthful to the source material THE FIRST is, it was pretty much one of those compilation movies. The impression I had was that they choose the most crucial moments in a "The Best of" format and just glued that together and sold it as a movie. Which was not really a problem because it was pretty much a very solid movie, despite the cuts that leave a lot of gaps between each point. It lacked a lot of information, like how Hayato got to Shocker, and it kinda wasted time with the plotline of the kids from the hospital that didn't get a proper payoff, but it was still an entertaining movie. I love the action scenes, I'm not a specialist in this matter but it was really refreshing seeing a fight scene that was pretty much all done with practical stunts and very little CGI. This movie made me really curious to watch the original show, I know this is not exactly what I'll get whenever I watch it, but it left the "I want more" taste in my mouth.

THE NEXT on the other hand, while it was more of a "film" rather than a "compilation", it was also less of a Rider movie, they had riders on it, but it felt like they weren't the main focus. The feeling I had while watching it was that the producers either read the Helter Skelter manga, or watched Perfect Blue, or they saw one of those conspiracy theories of artists who don't seem to age that died and were replaced and wanted to make a horror movie that would deal in with the cruelty of the entertainment world, but they got denied and were put in to make the sequel of THE FIRST without wanting it, so they picked their original idea and shoved Kamen Rider into it as a secondary element that feels like it doesn't belong in that movie, and in the end, it fails at both. Admittedly, the horror portion was pretty good, I would be interested in watching it. It was the rider portion that was a letdown, it was pretty much just some random action, and while watching that girl fighting with a chainsaw was cool as hell there wasn't much background stuff to justify all of that and put some meaning on it. And there's also the terrible final scene with that awful CGI fire that was cringy as hell. If you want some advice, skip this one, it's not worth it.

Kamen Rider Ghost: Legendary! Riders' Souls!

Because I was left with the feeling that I got no useful information after watching THE NEXT, I decided to do something that I never do that is watch the web specials they release for each movie in the hopes that I would have enough context to watch Kamen Rider 1 without a problem. And well... I didn't expect them to be so pointless. Like, they have enough content to be its own TV movie and it's all just to explain how they got the Rider Eyecons, AND THAT'S IN THE MOVIE FOR LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!! And like, these form changes are so useless that if they had taken that out of the movie it wouldn't make a difference!!! I swear to god, why do they still think this kind of stuff is cool? UGH

I don't have much to say because this was pretty much just a boss rush, but I have to say this. PLEASE STOP BRINGING FINAL BOSSES BACK, they're final bosses for a reason goddammit, they're not cannon fodder! When you bring a final boss back anytime you have a chance it just loses the cool effect it could have. Please, Kamen Rider, stop, we get it, you love your own franchise, you don't need to keep doing this circle jerk all the time when you wanna do something cool that serves as an homage to your own history.

Kamen Rider 1

Complains aside, finally the actual first Ghost movie, in the Ghost Movies and Specials post.

And this was a great movie, probably my favorite thing that came out of Ghost. This movie is exciting, it has things for both old and new fans, the plot is pretty decent, the action is a lot of fun, and the emotional beats work very well. I felt in love with Takeshi after this movie, he's such a cool guy, and I really like the actor, it was always a joy seeing him on the screen, his whole thing with Mayu was great, it was very endearing, and when Takeshi dies I really felt it, and the only reason why I'm okay with them bringing him back is that I like him so much and I didn't want to see him die. If THE FIRST made me want to watch the original series, seeing Takeshi in this movie made me want that even more.

I expected the Ghost cast to be the low point of this movie, and while my biggest complaint is about a thing related to the Ghost lore, I overall liked seeing Takeru tag along with Takeshi. To the surprise of a total of 0 people, Makoto was useless again, but honestly, his participation in this movie is so minor it doesn't even bother me. I also like that the villains of the movie were Shocker and Nova Shocker and not that white-suit guy from the specials. Having both Shockers there fighting not only the riders but also each other earned a lot of points with me, I particularly love how Nova Shocker decided to do their thing by embracing capitalism and becoming a corporation because corporative people are the scariest and I love when they make villains based on that.

But I think what I like the most of this movie is that brings up to discussion a theme that I always thought the show should've tackled on TV that is the importance of life, and all that Love&Peace talk about how we're all connected, and that we're connected to nature, that is connected to the world, and yadda yadda yadda. Yes, it's a pretty old speech and everything, but it's one of the subjects that match the most with what I believe is the premise of this show, and while I love that this is a part of this movie, it's pretty sad that none of this bleeds out to the TV show.

And talking about things that are pretty sad, the element I liked the least was the thing that Mayu had a very powerful Eyecon that has been dormant inside her. I understand this is a Ghost movie and they wanna use their gimmick, but they could've used Takeru's gimmick of going full ghost mode and start fo follow Mayu while invisible instead of making the final villain just another MOTW. I honestly think the conflict between Shocker and Nova Shocker was enough to make everything they wanted to do, on the scale they envisioned, without having to add anything related to the villains of this season.

Regardless of the complaints, this is worth watching, for sure, and I wish I hadn't wasted my time with THE NEXT and the specials because I wish I could've met this movie way sooner. XD

Ghost: The 100 Eyecons and Ghost's Fateful Moment

This movie... was a choice. I feel like I have nothing to say about this movie, it was empty, it was pretty much a copy of the Wizard and the OOO's movies merged together, there were a lot of depiction of historical figures that would probably leave some people turning on their graves, they tried to make not just one but TWO familiar dramas and both of them failed in being interesting or having a good pay off at the end, and if all of that wasn't bad enough, guess what? Takeru died again! And was "revived" once more! Yay! I swear, this movie is so frustrating, I just wanna forget it exists.

Well... at least the new Napoleon and Darwin forms looked good I guess.

The Legend of Hero Alain

Now, what wasn't a frustration was Alain's special series! I absolutely love being able to see different points of view of the same story, and being able to see that from the perspective of who became my favorite among the riders of this season was a true delight. I do think episode 4 was a bit useless and if they wanted to make an epilogue they could've done something better, but the other 3 episodes are pretty good.

In particular episodes 2 and 3, that are from the time around his redemption arc, were very touching and a huge part of that is obviously from the presence of the best character of this show, the #1 takoyaki lady, Fumi-san, who once again was here giving her wisdom and passing down some of the messages the TV show tried to pass but that it failed completely. And even though I knew they would eventually hit a point where they would talk about her death, I was still hit by the feels like if they were a truck and I cried.

If I have to say two things that I don't like about these specials it would be that "Human Life Course" Takeru, Akari, and Onari had in episode 3, that was just ridiculous. And I'm not the biggest fan of having this thing of Alain and Fumi having a story that goes way back than what we saw in the show. But honestly, even with these problems, this is one of my favorite media that came out of Ghost.

Kamen Rider Ghost RE:BIRTH: Kamen Rider Specter

Last, and deservedly the least, is Specter's movie. And talk about a bad movie,

You would think that at least on his own movie Makoto would be important, play a big role, but even though he defeated the big bad in the end, he actually did nothing that couldn't have been done for another character. Heck, if you think about it, the real hero at the end of the day was Onari because it was sneaking around and stealing that gem that solved the main problem about clearing the sky atmosphere in the end. All Makoto did here was take a dumb decision after the other and is dreadful to watch.

I think the biggest problem of this movie is that it depends on us believing in feelings developed between two characters that know each other for less than three days and one of those characters is framed by the movie SINCE THE BEGINNING as a maniac villain. And our pay off of this is to believe Makoto forgive the guy who was conducting crazy experiments and that threatened to kill his beloved sister because he considered her a failure. Thanks, I hate it!

Oh yeah and we had power-ups for Necrom and Specter that came out of nowhere and we just have to buy it. At least Spector's new form looks pretty cool, despite me not buying the "sin" motif, I would like to have an opinion on Necrom's form, but it happened on a shitty rain scene and I couldn't distinguish any memorable feature while watching it.

All in all, this movie was another disappointment.

Well, that's it for Ghost. I wish I could have something good to say to sendoff this series, but I honestly don't so I'll just wrap-up here after all this post is already long enough. What are your thoughts on these? Have you watched any of them recently? Let me know in the comments down below. Stay healthy, stay safe, never stop resisting, thank you so much for reading, and until the next time. Bye~

[creative-poptart]

Hello, I loved what you did with my last question and, while we're at it, how would the SF brothers and, UF and UT Papyrus realised they've a serious crush on their friend? Thanks again!

Ooh I love two-parters!!! This one was actually a little trickier to do, but we’ll see where it takes us!

UT Papyrus/Creampuff: When people are doing their absolute best, 100% all the way, he finds that to be a very amiable quality! You just so happened to be practicing some puzzle obstacle courses that had been established on the Surface that he had been supervising with zeal. Of course, you were stumbling and falling a lot, because it takes a lot to do one of these, but you didn’t give up! It took you several tries to get through some of the things that were laid out for many people to try and solve, but as Creampuff is watching, he’s noticing that you’re tiring out. He wants to go and help you, but when you suddenly cross the finish line and jump up in a burst of energy, that thought goes away. Now all he can think about is the way your face lit up so brightly that it rivaled the memory of the first time he saw the sun. He’s now extremely flustered at the realization that he likes you, but that won’t deter him from asking you out on a date.

UF Papyrus/Fell: As hard as it is to make friends with him, you’d think it’d be really hard to make him fall in love with someone. Hate to tell you, but that’s wrong. You had managed to make it over to his house on a particularly rainy day, barely escaping getting soaked by the downpour. While he’s beginning to chastise you for risking getting sick in this kind of weather, he knows that there’s also a flash flood warning in place as well, which means you’re probably safer here than anywhere else. As the two of you are getting ready for games and some small scale puzzles, the power goes out, and you somehow end up flailing into his lap for comfort. Turns out that storms kinda scare you a bit, and now you’re turning to the most comforting thing available to you, and that just so happens to be him. Fell is going insane on the inside, noticing now just how much he loves it when you want him to protect you. He’s a bit shy when it comes to emotions, so good luck getting him to ask you out any time soon. 

SF Sans/Black: Surprisingly, he is almost as easy to get falling in love as Fell is, but there’s a difference. While Fell appreciates the protection seeking aspect of his potential datemate, Black wants to see their tough side in full force. He was giving you a sparring lesson one afternoon, and to your credit for someone without magic, you were putting up a pretty good fight. You had been knocked down a few times, but you were still getting back up, managing to dodge, and still getting some good practice in at the same time. At some point, you went flying onto the ground, and he stood over you, a bone club in his triumphant hand, grinning over you. In a moment, before he could even really register it, he was on the ground, and you were leaning over him, your face mere inches away. You’d somehow swept his foot out from under him without him realizing it, and now you’d... you’d won. All of a sudden, there’s a hot blooming sensation in his soul that he can’t quite explain as you celebrate your first victory against the skeleton. He’s knows he’s got to act fast, and he’s going to ask you out, quite possibly before you even finish your victory lap.

SF Papyrus/Rus: This skeleton isn’t as easygoing as he seems when it comes to choosing his partners. There’s a lot that’ll factor in really, and while he loves to cuddle up to just about anyone, Rus needs something more than just that to go off of. For you, he noticed how it was your kindness at every single turn, whether it benefited you or not. It started simply enough as you being willing to share food with him, but the more he looked for it, the more and more he found. You were offering to pay for people’s groceries if they couldn’t afford it, helping people pick up dropped things, giving monsters an item that was sold out save for one thing that you’d picked up. Your kindness and generosity extended to both monsters and humans, and somehow it ended up being the most attractive quality he saw in you. He’d never really known a kind world, save for a few private moments with Black, but this was something he suddenly had a deep craving and appreciation for. This is like, the only time you’ll be able to get him to directly ask you out, save for a few other rare occasions, but he’s definitely got his thoughts turned to you for a good long while before he even asks.

Thanks for the ask @mecaniquefairy!!

[xiaomomowrites]

Against the Clock [Oneshot]

100 Prompts: Timing Attack on Titan | Eremika

Summary: "Hey," he greets unceremoniously, not even sure at this point what it is he wanted to accomplish. If he was going to be completely honest with himself, he really just wanted to see her. She seemed to understand what was going on in his mind. She always knew. But timing's a bitch, and the circumstances were an even bigger bitch.

Find this story on AO3 and on FanFiction! {levi-nii-san | amapalayeah}

A/N: I love petty Eren. Set shortly after Eren threw his little bitch fit in Marley lol.I had originally written this EXACTLY a year ago, when all was still well, more or less. And here I am, heartbroken as ever once again lol, revisiting and flushing out some old fics. I enjoyed this particular one because it seems as though pouring my real life grievances onto these troubled kids makes for a story that fits in just well. With what's happened in the manga since I wrote this originally, I feel like it explains Eren's “I've always hated you” nonsense all while making feel validated in my sorrow haha. Anyway enjoy!

The image of her looking up at him with a plethora of emotions painted on her face burned in his mind, long after they escaped the whole fiasco.

Every time he closed his eyes, he would see her own, bright as ever despite accepting that maybe that was it for them. She seemed genuinely fulfilled and content- elated, even- that she was spending what should have been her last moments, with him.

Like any normal human being trapped in the fight or flight response, Eren just sat there, frozen, as she delivered her speech. And consequently, long after the incident itself, his mind had saved the situation as an mp4 file for him to replay over and over again.

The sparkle in her eyes, the way she leaned towards him, beautiful as ever despite being so broken, it all haunted him in the year and a half that followed. He wondered if she could see right past his blank stare and perplexed gawking that day.

Did she know that he found her absolutely alluring, despite sitting in what was probably the worst situation in their lives? Did she know of the thoughts that ran through his head, too fast to catch? Did she feel the emotions engulfing him whole, as he so desperately wanted to reach out to her? Did she know that if she had indeed just closed the distance between them, he would have kissed her back?

And it didn't exactly hit him until later on that that was her goodbye, that her whole speech thanking him had essentially confirmed her intent to die by his side. Through thick and thin indeed.

If that wasn't bad enough, the sound of her soft voice resonated in his mind, accompanying the imagery that distracted him so badly. It was the perfect concoction to drive him mad. He heard her voice, over and over again:

"Thank you, Eren, thank you…"

Not that he hated it. At all.

And if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he wasn't actually as annoyed as he made it seem. The thought of her was the only thing keeping him sane lately, if he could even be considered sane anymore, since it seemed like their days were numbered and their friendships were on thin ice. It was hard enough to trust anyone at this point, let alone let anybody be this close to him. Trust was being broken left and right, and it was getting increasingly difficult to believe that people who supported him were truly on his side. Loyalties were put in question everywhere he looked, and it didn’t help that even Armin was starting to lose the spark that fueled the young man’s attachment to him. It seemed as though every time he reached his hand out to save Eren, there was less and less light in his eyes. It felt like their friendship was an obligation at this point, and Armin was not having it anymore.

The world was looking darker and darker every day, but she seemed to be a small flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, seeing as he didn't even know what the end looks like anymore. Of all the people he was surrounded with, and all the anxieties that accompanied that, Mikasa’s trust and loyalty seemed to be the only solid given in his life at this point. Even after that unpleasant conversation.

It absolutely infuriated him to think that it took that much for him to see that.

That she had been there all along, that she was the only one who never let the fire inside of her for him die down. Who knows how she kept it burning, but she did it anyway, and it brought a pang of guilt into Eren’s heart to remember how much he tried to put it out himself.

And then came the knowledge of the Ackerman bloodline: their tendency to become extremely invested into one person to a point where separation would physically weaken them. There it was: the obligation. She wasn't tied to him because she cares, she was tied to him because she had to be. He saved her, right? Since they were nine, Eren was all Mikasa knew. And so years of her life were spent, dedicating herself to some reckless idiot while she could be off somewhere better, living her life as the heir to her clan. It absolutely aggravated him.

So naturally, he did what he did best and lashed out. The multiple voices in his head became one, and before he knew it, the words "I've always hated you" left his crusty mouth.

In retrospect, Armin stepping up to deck him in the face was very just.

Could he blame himself though? It was getting increasingly difficult to differentiate which thoughts were his and which weren’t. It felt a lot like he was drowning these days, but in the small pockets of air that he was allowed, he really did think about her.

It made sense: why she always acted the way she did, now that he knows her true feelings for him. Although never quite outright said, "I love you," it seemed to resonate in him since the incident, and he just understood what she meant. It surely did not excuse her erratic behavior in the past, or the irresponsible decisions she has made (really, she insisted, they were for his sake), but it definitely shed a new light on her motives.

Annoying as it was, Mikasa truly, against all odds, loved him. Now temporarily sober, he refused to believe that their friendship was just some cosmic bond.

Eren took a deep breath, overwhelmed by all these thoughts. It was only nine in the morning for fuck's sake, and he was already thrown into a spiraling depression from the confusion and internal conflict, especially from the one question that just seemed to linger:

How did he even feel about her in the first place?

Well, he hated her. That is what he told her after all.

He hated the way she always trailed behind him like a shadow. He hated the way she always followed him no matter where he went. He hated how she thought she needed to protect him from everything that came his way, even and especially the choices he was making himself. And that he couldn’t change her mind about it.

He hated how she used to talk to him like he was her child, telling him to be careful and to stay behind her, like she had no regard for how much of a blow this was to his manhood and his self-inflated ego. He would call her out for nagging him, and in the most annoyed tone he could muster, tell her that he didn’t need another one of her lectures. And maybe only then, she’d be quiet.

He hated how when he did shut her up, a surge of unwanted guilt would overtake him. That stupid face she always made, when she pouted and nodded her head before keeping her mouth shut would drive him over the edge. She was only trying to help. It was a cycle; sometimes he felt a little trapped, and sometimes he knew she did too. It wasn’t the healthiest of relationships. The way their personalities clashed and their common one-track mindedness always tangled themselves into one another was definitely not something to dismiss lightly.

He hated how she was so damn strong. Mikasa Ackerman, top graduate of their class, one of humanity’s strongest, had so much potential to be humanity’s hope. She held in her hands immense power and strength, and anyone with eyes could see that she could do anything she set her mind to.

And yet, here she was: by his side, relying on him for her happiness. He knew, genuinely, that she had it in her to surpass them all, to achieve great things, and maybe even carry out his ambitions.

So why the fuck then, was she instead devoting all her energy to him? And why the fuck did it take him this long to push her away, to sever that connection so that she can reach her full potential? Was he really that selfish all this time?

He hated how she would always put herself in danger just for him. It’s like she had absolutely no regard for herself from the moment she met him, only staying alive so that she could take care of him. She sacrificed way too much, and for what? To see him through? Eren didn’t even think he was worth shit some days; his drive was his goals, and sometimes the only reason he would keep going was to see those goals come to pass. It severely confused him to think that her drive was his future.

Especially when all signs were pointing to his future being cut short.

He hated how her love and affection only reminded him of his caring, loving mother. She definitely had that maternal instinct in her, and it probably was part of the reason the fire inside of her was able to burn so brightly despite the hardest of times. If he ever dared to admit it, even to himself, he appreciated the way that she embodied the only other source of comfort in his life, when he no longer had his mother around. Every way that he had rejected his mother’s care for him as a strong-willed, hard-headed little boy, he was able to redeem through caring for Mikasa instead as they grew up together.

He hated how he treated her, more than anything. He hated how for the longest time, he was only capable of snapping at her from force of habit. And how she would try not to be sad about it, but he knew. He hated how every time he shoved her and she fell back a few steps, she would look at him like a little girl who just got bullied by a much bigger kid.

There was a brief season in their lives, when light still shone clearly in his eyes, where they seemed closer than they had ever been in their late teen years. After their little episode with the smiling titan, Eren’s newfound gentleness had a huge impact on their relationship. For a while, he was happy despite the problems that surrounded them, and so was she. It was comforting, it was healthy, it felt right.

That is, until things went to shit again, and their relationship hit yet another iceberg. When he would occasionally come to his senses, Eren would realize how awful he indeed has been to her, and it would cause a writhing pain in his gut that would be drowned out shortly after by the darkness that overcame him so frequently.

He hated how every time he tried to push her away for his and her sake, she would let him a little bit. Let the feelings simmer. Let the space between them grow enough to where he would inevitably come back, like a boomerang. How could he be angry at her if she dealt with him so correctly? They had come such a long way from when they started (when he was a hot headed idiot and she was so painfully codependent), and it seemed like it was only getting harder to push her away, even if he knew deep down it might be the right thing to do for both of them.

He hated the temptation of coming back to her even more. It was such a strong, compulsive urge to return to her, return to something familiar, return to his light. The gravity between them was nearly impossible to fight sometimes. It weighed him down, it kept him grounded, it kept him sane.

He hated how she would just do anything he said, and he truly realized this a while back, when he told her to cut off all her hair (again), just to see if she would. He found her later, her shoulder-length hair bunched up in one hand, holding scissors up to it. Eyes shut, grimacing with so much hesitation, and she only stopped when he took the scissors away from her.

In fact, he didn’t even have to tell her what to do, as she demonstrated a few days ago when the three of them had their talk. A small part of him that dwelled deep inside all the fucked up layers that he wore now was quite delighted when she defended him out of instinct. But then the voices told him to shut that down.

He hated how he loved her. He loved how he could always count on her presence to be by his side, especially when he felt so lost and detached from himself. He loved the way she would sit by him during meal times and kept him company (and protection, and comfort, and hope, but he would never tell her that to her face), until she didn’t anymore. When all hope was lost and he wasn’t even sure which way he was going, all she needed to do was be beside him, in comforting silence, as her presence was enough to slow his panic to a halt.

It made him wonder if she still felt the same.

He loved how he could always count on her. He loved how she was the only one who seemed to understand him, especially when everyone else was against him. Eren was the epitome of outgoing, extroverted, charming (more or less). Anyone who crossed paths with him was captivated by his ways, good or bad. But despite all this popularity and notoriety,  Mikasa was the only one who saw right through his clout-covered exterior. It was truly a gift from above to know that somebody knew who he truly was without having to explain himself, even and especially at his worst.

He wondered briefly if she saw right through him when he said the words that visibly tore her heart out of her chest.

He loved all the ways she was ingrained in his life.

He loved her.

It wasn't so much a hard pill to swallow, because really, it had been in his mouth for a while now anyway, dissolving, though the taste was a little bitter. It was just so strange to finally accept it. It felt like a huge weight he had been trying to lift from his shoulders was lifted on its own.

The only problem was that he knew the situation they were currently in. There was still so much to do, and they couldn't afford to be so emotionally invested in one person. Not to mention he was kind of a major douche to her a couple days ago and there was no way her friends would let him near her at this point. With the shitty way things were unfolding before them, it would only bring immense pain and suffering in the end. The war was not even close to being over.

Timing was a bitch, he thought; otherwise things might be different.

But following this realization came a wave of protectiveness and possessiveness for the girl, even though it flickered on and off. Especially after everything that has happened.

That light flickered on. He found himself in the corridors, two night later. His feet were dragging, but he had a purpose burning somewhere in his chest; he was hell bent on seeing it through before it disappeared once again when the light burns out.

The sight of his comrades grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him forcefully back into a time when things kind of made sense. He kept his facade though, as he had been for the last few months.

He sees Connie first and the look of disgust that accompanies the sight of Eren.

Connie gently taps Jean’s shoulder, tilting his head towards their visitor, “the fuck?”

Jean’s face hardens, and he pulls away from Armin to confront, except Eren wasn’t even looking at them.

He watched her as a smile threatened at the corner of his mouth, a sensation he hadn’t felt in what seemed like an eternity. Mikasa sat in the corner, fiddling with the scarf on her lap that seemed to bring her more pain at this point. She only looked up when she felt the burning gaze on her bare neck.

“What the hell are you doing here, man?” he sneered, “Haven’t you done enough damage?”

Eren looked at him up and down, refusing to give him the satisfaction at first. Then he sneered, “so are you a guard dog now?”

Armin turns his head, a tired look in his eyes, “can you go find someone else to bother?”

“Nope,” he pops the ‘p’ for emphasis, and a coil in Jean snaps. He grabs the bar of the cell, and the clanging noise alerted everybody there. All eyes turned to them.

“Listen, asshole-” he growls, but Eren doesn’t even flinch. They both seem at loss for words, but there was definitely a fire there.

He came here for one purpose, and one purpose only. But as soon as he turned his attention away from her, the light suddenly flickered off once more. And as if on cue, the object of his affection stood up, placed the scarf on the table, and padded over to them with Armin on her tail.

Mikasa sighs, her focus aimed at calming Jean down. She reaches out gently and placed his hand in both of hers. They all watched as the gesture puts out the fire, just like it had years ago the first time Jean and Eren fought.

Except this time, the tables were turned.

The sight makes Eren’s chest constrict and suddenly his heart is in his stomach. It becomes hard to breathe, as memories flood through his own mind. The pain was fleeting, but it was enough to make him feel human again for a split second, and he welcomed it. There was color again in his vision, until everything turned gray again.

“It’s…fine,” she says gently, and Jean just scoffs.

Eren’s nostrils flared, but nevertheless he maintained the facade as the boys relented. She nudges them behind her, as though to protect them from what’s coming next, but it never came.

Instead, he leans forward slowly, his forehead rested on his arm. His eyes look dead as ever, but there’s something there that she barely manages to catch. She shrinks backwards slightly, and his eyes flicker to Jean once more.

‘Look away, man, she’s mine,’ he seemed to say without actually saying it.

Jean rolls his eyes, prompting Connie and Armin to follow, and Eren looks way too satisfied with himself.

"Hey," he greets unceremoniously, not even sure at this point what it is he wanted to accomplish. If he was going to be completely honest with himself, he really just wanted to see her.

Mikasa sighed; she had no tears left to cry, and no words left to say to him. Instead, she shakes her head apologetically and takes a step back to disengage. Had she broken eye contact any sooner, she probably wouldn’t have gotten the message. There was a pleading look in his half-lidded eyes.

She seemed to understand what was going on in his mind. She always knew. But timing's a bitch, and the circumstances were an even bigger bitch. But for the first time in a long time, maybe not to anyone else, but to her, his eyes seemed to speak volumes and told her everything that she needed to know for now.

It gave her a twinge of hope to hold onto, even if she didn’t want it.

Perhaps she just needed to endure a little longer. From her peripherals, she could see them calling her back, and she takes her leave. He knocks his fist gently against the bars as she breaks eye contact. The light flickers off again and his feet feel even heavier than before when he walks away.

Maybe the timing isn't right just yet, but he loved her, and she knew. And that was enough.

[brimstonestardust-blog]

alright, doing them both in one ;;

i’m brand, your local disaster, and i go by they/them pronouns for anyone who cares. my babes beau and dominique are gonna hit the dash as soon as i reply to some starters in the tags, so read up on them and hit me up if you want to work out some plots for them. i’ll also drop some wcs in this intro too if you wanna fill ‘em!!! 

ladies first because i love dominique more anyways, so ;;

full name: dominique anastasia dupuis

birthday: february twelfth, 1990 ( twenty eight )

title: genesis department agent

hometown: paris, france

fc: ana de armas

dominique’s mother died during childbirth and her father dipped out not long after, not prepared to be a father at all. so dom was raised by her aunt, sasha. her mom and her aunt were twins and came from an old, french family with more money than they’d ever know what to do with. her father was cuban and quite the opposite. a drifter in his prime, he fell in love with dominique’s mother when he was a penniless artist in paris and after abandoning his child, found a career in the government no less, serving as a french ambassador. but it’s cool, dom’s not bitter or anything bc it’s not like she hasn’t been successful as well. her aunt, sasha, supplemented her enormous trust fund (doubled by her sister’s death) by making her name for herself as one of the generation’s greatest painters, selling her original works for thousands of euros and knock off original antiques for millions. her illegal work was kept secret from dom wile she grew up, of course, but dom never cared where the money came from. she just enjoyed the spoils of her privilege with a smile on her face as she did so.  this bitch literally grew up in the penthouse of the shangri-la because sasha dupius didn’t want to sign a lease bc she didn’t like commitment and shit. like, that’s how much money these fucking people have. anyways, tho-- dom grew up with absolutely no rules or boundaries. her aunt expected her to excel at things and she did, but only through gentle guidance and loving support. her aunt’s alcoholism and criminal background aside, she was a perfect parent, if not a little distant because she’d never planned on having children of her own.  in school, dominique was an average student. imaginative and adventurous, she focused less on her grades and schoolwork and more on her fleeting hobbies and interests. her aunt’s work, painting and selling, took her all around the world and dominique was happy to follow her globe trotting guardian from country to country. her love of travel outweighed her focus on academics, but she was hardly stupid -- her intelligence just made itself known in different areas. when she finished her primary schooling, her aunt let her in on her other life. sasha never liked lying to the girl, but she didn’t want dom exposed to her life of crime at a young age. dom’s indifferent reaction to the dishonest business grew into a willingness to help and she shipped off to university, double majoring in linguistics and cultural studies in effort to bridge the gap in her aunt’s business untouched because of the cultural and language barrier.  by the time she graduated college, she was deeply invested in her aunt’s counterfeit business, selling nearly identical fake classics to people overseas that shipped them out even more for higher profit. it was dom’s thirst for knowledge that caught the circle’s attention. every untapped culture that she wanted her aunt in business with, she researched and immersed herself in until she was absolutely flushed with information. and she absolutely loved it. which is why she jumped at the opportunity to join an unofficial espionage organization tasked with collecting intelligence on absolutely everything in the world. as a genesis agent, she’s constantly immersed and openly in love with her job and the work it entails. she’s bubbly and outgoing in between being totally and 100% into her work. she loves travelling for work, she loves collecting information for the genesis project, and she loves being special ops certified. it makes her feel mildly like a badass. she’s just a ball of sunshine overall and i’m hype to play her. 

wanted connections: mentor, best friends, sparring partners, fellow tourist, gym buddies, ex lovers, friends with benefits, etc. 

beau, on the other hand, is a piece of shit ;;

full name: beau edward braxton

birthday: august 18, 1988 ( thirty )

title: law enforcement liaison (fbi)

hometown: san francisco, california

fc: theo james

beau braxton never has and likely never will fall into the category of ‘good person.’ throughout the course of his childhood, beau was constantly ill and when he learned that his physical health situation would garner sympathy from the adults and children in his life alike, he took that fact and ran with it, exploiting the sympathy of others to get what he wanted. he was three years old when he was diagnosed with transient hypogammaglobulinemia of infancy. although the immunodeficiency disorder resolved itself by the time he was seven, the damage to his immune system had been done and little beau found himself prone to contracting a myriad of common illnesses like the mumps, influenza, and worst of all for the young boy–meningitis. all of these illnesses, while they were treatable and common enough, were hell on beau after so long of being sick. until he was in his mid teens, every minor symptom seemed to rattle him to his core. the fevers and headaches were unbearable, the nausea and lack of appetite left him feeling malnourished, and the lethargy and constant fatigue had him exhausted and in bed for days at a time. while meningitis typically only lasts a week or so, beau was always struck with illness after illness and when he wasn’t at his pediatricians, he was at home in bed, and for that reason, he was home schooled all the way throughout high school, even after he started to take a turn for the better.   his mother, who came from an old oil family and provided her son with a string of nannies and teachers that had an incredible turn over rate (both due to beau’s terrible attitude and an unwillingness to care so closely for a sick child) and whatever monetary and material allowances the child might have wanted, was out of the picture more than she was in it, although they lived under the same roof. beau grew up feeling his mother’s quiet and seething resentment despite the fact she was never present, knowing that olivia braxton blamed him for his father, mark’s, leaving when he was four. not everyone could handle such a difficult, sickly child. by the time he was seventeen, he was as healthy as he was going to be. he was still a target for trivial illnesses like the common cold, but these bouts of sickness no longer had him bedridden. he was up and moving and ready to experience the world he’d been missing while he was tied down by his compromised immune system. san fran was out, and he head to berkeley for college, where he met his college girlfriend, juniper bernthal. one would expect a child plagued by illness after illness to develop an appreciation for life, but beau always convinced himself that he didn’t care to live or die. he didn’t care about anything and the appreciation he was supposed to have nurtured into greed and irritability. everything he ever did, he did to reap the benefits for himself, rather than for the good of anyone else. his decision to go off to college and major in political science made him look like a noble man, but he was doing it for no more than the money he knew it’d bring in. the government was the end all be all, after all, so he knew he needed to be in the government. right out of college, he moved to washington, d.c., where he interned at the fbi.  it was somewhere between his internship and his bid to train for special ops that the circle recruited him to be a liaison. knowing then that there was an organization more powerful than the unites states government, he felt he had no choice but to continue going up. if being a liaison at the circle meant a pay raise and a reason to feel like he was more important than his fellow fbi agents, he knew he’d take the offer again and again.  he has very little true loyalty for the circle, but he likes his job. being a secret agent is pretty rad and he likes the perks that come with the title, so he doesn’t do much to risk his job. he’s also rekindles a romance with his old college girlfriend, juniper, after learning that she and her sister nell were employed by the circle as well. he’s not into the relationship at all, but it’s nice to have someone to call a partner, even if he’s constantly treating her like shit. 

wanted connections: secret fling/affair, best friends, sparring partners, gym buddies, mentor, fellow fbi agents, etc. 

[gotgifsandmusings]

Full musings on Infinity War

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: I'm just waiting for your thoughts on Thanos. I know there will be thoughts.

Ha, there are thoughts indeed. I was thinking of recording a video about it, but my mic seems to be messed up from the journey, and Griffin’s mic picks up everything...

Alright, fuck it, I’ll just write everything I was thinking about Infinity War, because overall I’d call it a frustrating viewing experience.

FULL MOVIE SPOILERS are below the cut, so you have been warned.

Very warned.

Okay then, let’s get into it.

I want to be able to have a neatly packaged thesis statement of “I did/didn’t like it,” but I do think my dissatisfaction with it is a bit more nuanced? Like, I was viscerally annoyed sitting through Ragnarok, and a lot of that were thanks to the expectations I had going into it. Here, I kind of didn’t care that much and didn’t read spoilers for that reason. Griffin was super hype to see it, I knew Lindsay Ellis didn’t react favorably to it on Twitter, and those two things alone were my only basis for any expectations.

I tend to have my mind wander think, “am I liking this?” during a movie screening. Had I been asked during this one, I couldn’t have clearly answered at all, at least not until the very end. There were some jokes and dialogue I laughed at, the action pieces always felt earned by the context, though not necessarily incredibly engaging. It was a mixed bag, maybe, but it was more just me kind of nodding along at the direction. Not in a “cool” way, but more a, “okay here’s what they’re doing now.” It became very obvious Thanos was going to get the all stones this movie, and equally obvious that it was not going to be fully resolved, so it was really the question of how and where the final action piece would fall.

Gamora’s death was some bullshit. I sort of felt like it sucked out the emotional tension, since this is just big purple dude from space beaming in with stones who doesn’t have any direct connection to 98% of the characters. But even more than that, I was having trouble understanding what they were going for there at all.

I didn’t see GOTG2, though I want to. However, I do know about the familial dynamics with Gamora and Nebula and Thanos. I think Gamora giving up the soul stone location to save her was seeded, at least from what I understand went down. And frankly, I can even track Gamora kissing Peter given the stakes, given she asked him to kill her, and so on. What loses me was why they painted her death as a sacrifice of Thanos’s, because it’s 100% clear this guy is an abuser to her and Nebula, and then even backing out of this, he’s 100% incapable of empathy, which is why his solution to ~famine~ is a glove that can literally do anything (like...you know...make resources more plentiful or increase education about birth control or something), and his solution is still “equal opportunity genocide.”

So that Gamora was explicitly shown to us to be someone he loved to get the soul stone sends all kinds of really dangerous messages, and also does it banking on the believability of his philosophical commitment to thinning the herd. Except that philosophy itself falls apart with minor scrutiny. His planet fell apart because of thin resources, so he can extrapolate that to the universe? And he really believes just arbitrarily murdering half the population would do anything, without addressing birth rates, or power structions, or anything at all?

It was just so, so, so weak as a motivation for him. And I’m absolutely flabbergasted critics are seriously comparing Thanos to Killmonger as two villains with “understandable” motivations. These are two massively different scales of understandability, right?? How is there any basis for comparison other than to say, “wow Thanos is a shitty villain after Killmonger.”?

The problem is, Thanos was the closest thing we had to a movie protagonist, since it was his journey. But there’s nothing remotely sympathetic about what he’s trying to accomplish, or particularly logical, and to have him be the one to “sacrifice” to get there was like...for what? Otherwise we wouldn’t have believed how hardcore he was?

I think how much this movie lands for someone is going to fall entirely on their view of Thanos. I wasn’t impressed and I don’t understand why this is the guy they built towards, and specifically him and the infinity gauntlet.

Because yeah, that damned gauntlet. I really can’t stand unclear power scaling like that. The gauntlet can do anything with all the stones in it, but minus two of them, Dr. Strange can go toe-to-toe with Thanos? It’s just...the fights became increasingly irrelevant because Stones of Random Power so things happen that need to happen just because. They are one of the most profoundly uninteresting plot devices I can think of.

Oh also? Hands down the worst moment was when Starlord was so full of Manpain about Gamora that he ruined Peter Parker and Tony Stark almost getting the gauntlet off Thanos. Just utter horseshit there. Not to mention even going with the mapain, he could have just shot him in the face or slit his throat instead of punching him, and then boom, movie over.

Idk, that moment, along with Gamora’s death earned heavy eyerolls. There are so many more inventive ways to have those guys lose a fight to him, or to have Thanos obtain the soul stone, and I don’t see her dead body being the necessity for any of them. Especially with the soul stone. Maybe Thanos creates some kind of illusion using the reality stone where Gamora thinks she has to get the soul stone in her possession to save Nebula, and then Thanos is able to take it. Idfk. Just...why this?

(Also the Guardians felt super off to me. I know stuff happened in GOTG2, but it seemed obvious they weren’t being penned by their usual writer.)

I do want to address the darkness of this movie. I got one ask saying it was acedia at its finest, and another saying that no, the thesis of the movie was that every life is important (Steve says this to Vision) and we fight for something saving or whatever. I lean more with the acedia anon.

If anyone is reading this and doesn’t know the spoilers, the movie ends with Thanos, having assembled all of the stones, snapping his fingers and killing half of the universe. The finger snap itself is mentioned as the threat and how easy it’d be fore him to do it at least 5 times, so it was certainly seeded. Then, we get a lovely sequence where we watch half the Wakandaans turn to dust, T’Challa among them, along with half the Avengers: bye bye Sam, Bucky, Elizabeth Olsen, every Guardian of the Galaxy except Rocket, Dr. Strange, and Peter Parker. That’s after already watching Vision, Gamora, Loki, and Heimdall get killed by Thanos.

Like yes, everyone knows this is not going to stand. We are shown about two minutes before this charming sequences Thanos going back in time because he has the time infinity plot device, and we also know Avengers 4, GOTG 3, Black Panther 2, the next Spiderman follow-up, and so on are in the works.

Oh except children in the audience. There was a BAWLING 7-year-old outside the theater, and what do you tell them? “Don’t worry, it’s just the Russo brothers doing it because they can, and they want to seem edgy and bold”? It’s not bold. It’s kind of the biggest cop-out possible, because we know nothing is permanent now, it’s probable everyone who died in this is brought back (...maybe Loki or Heimdall or all of the Asgardians are exceptions? maybe?), and it was basically just an exercise in the limitations of the movie medium for comic narratives.

But thank god we got to watch all of our heroes horrifically die with everyone reacting to them. Like good god, the very young Peter Parker had to be given time to freak out about how he feels sick and doesn’t want to go? What was the point of that? Or was that the reserved take, and in the full cut there was actually a death scene for Princess Shuri too or something.

Speaking of Shuri and Wakanda, I do want to say that I think there’s an element of this that’s in poor taste. Black Panther is *still* airing in theaters, and there have been how many pieces coming out about the importance of representation and what Wakanda meant to so many viewers. So the fact that it was in Wakanda when we see half the population dying... Like, I do like that Wakandans were given an instrumental role in end-of-the-world stakes. But then that meant that yeah, you’d watch half of them crumble to dust in that sequence. Yes, you know that half of San Diego is also crumbling to dust, but it’s a little more viscerally upsetting to see it.

And honestly, why couldn’t T’Challa have been a living Avenger in this? Why was his death particularly necessary? The body count of black characters was kind of high across the board when you take into account Heimdall and Sam (and out-of-universe Zoe Saldana as Gamora. Oh and then Nick Fury in the post-credits. Also is Valkyrie implied to have been with the half of the Asgardians that lived, or did she die off-screen? Cause I’m not sure I imagine her *not* fighting back.). I’m not sure if this is a point of contention with viewers for the most part, but there was just something about T’Challa’s unceremonious death alongside half his country where you’re like, “seriously, why is this what they’re showing now?”

Because guess what? It wasn’t an effective ending! We KNOW it’s being turned back, especially given the utterly ridiculous volume of deaths with key characters who we know have movies. You know what would have been a better ending for this? Just...Thanos snapping. That’s it. “You should have aimed for my head. *Snap*.” Cut to black.

There was no reason I can think of to have been this explicit about everyone’s deaths when they’re just temporary anyway. “Hey kids, enjoy your horror-free entertainment!” Especially Peter Parker’s death. That really, really felt like acedia at its finest.

Because part of the thing with acedia, as Gretchen has so eloquently explained, is that it’s a dark kind of writing where nothing really matters, bad shit just happens. And boy if *that* wasn’t the actual thesis statement of the movie.

Steve said that no, you save every life because that’s what you fight for. But that point was heavily undercut multiple times in the film. There seemed to be countless situations where a character had to either kill or consider killing someone they loved for the greater good (or not saving someone they loved, or giving Thanos keys to something really bad). It was utilitarianism vs. the power of emotional connection, and it was constant. Frankly, it was pretty cohesive.

Except magic man got magic gauntlet and did magic thing, so choice was rendered completely useless.

All told, once this movie is put together with Avengers 4, it’s possible there is some message that works to this end. But right now we essentially got half a movie based around an incredibly weak motivation that we know is all going to be back-dialed anyway. But thank god we got to traumatize kids in the name of ~boldness~ in the process.   

Loki gave over the Tesseract but tried to kill Thanos, and got punished for it. Peter pulled the trigger to kill Gamora like she asked and got punished for it. Gamora tried to stab herself and got punished for it. Gamora tried to save Nebula at the cost of an infinity stone and got punished for it. Trying to save Vision didn’t work. Trying to not save Vision didn’t work. 

Nothing mattered. Except apparently Thanos “sacrificing” Gamora. Wow, what commitment to bullshit philosophy and a laughable “solution” to a problem that is at best, temporary in nature.

This was a downer of a film, and not in a way that made me interested to see the resolution. I just want this out of Marvel’s system. It was event comics writing at its worst, and using an event that never could have really worked for this medium with this schedule of releases.

So okay, fine, my thesis statement is: I really didn’t like it. The longer I think about it the more annoyed I am. Had it ended five minutes earlier, I would have had major issues with it, but it would have been more of an “...okay then” kind of thing. Gamora got the shortest end of the stick, from what I can see. But nothing really came together, and the climax with the RANDOM EVIL ARMY was just going through the motions.

Honestly? If I had to sit through this or Dark World again, I’d choose the latter in a heartbeat. That was a mess and often boring in places, but at least the climax was inventive and fun, and there was lip-service to character development. This was just...an event. Can’t wait for it to not matter at all!

[keywestlou]

PENCE LAYING LOW IN INDIANA.....FEARS FOR HIS LIFE

Yesterday on Morning Joe, Joe Scarborough said Mike Pence was “in fear for his life…..he was laying low in Indiana.” All because of Trump’s actions leading up to and on January 6.

Scarborough blamed Trump for putting the former Vice President “on the hit list.”

A shame from my perspective also. Pence could not have been a more loyal Vice President. From Trump’s perspective, Pence wavered at the end. From mine, he did his job in interpreting the Constitution properly.

Some came to kill Pence and Pelosi on January 6. Others decided to during Trump’s rally under the white tent before.

Trump put Pence behind the eight ball. Before and at the rally in suggesting Pence had the power to invalidate the election. Trump told everyone at the rally: Pence “did not have the courage to do it.”

Trump’s rabble rousers were ready. They had heard the words of their Master. As they proceeded to the Capitol, they chanted “hang Mike Pence.”

It has been reported 2 police officers died by suicide following what occurred at the Capitol. One a Capitol police officer. The other a member of the MDP.

The Department of Homeland Security issued a “national terrorist bulletin” yesterday. The bulletin indicated there was a “lingering potential” for “violence.” From persons motivated by anti-government sentiment following Biden’s election.

The Department suggested the January 6 riot emboldened extremists and set the stage for additional attacks.

Amazing how many Republicans have jumped ship since the election. It was reported yesterday 30,000 Republicans changed their registration to another party.

The number is probably higher. Sufficient data is not available. Only a handful of states report voter registration and information about voters switching parties on a weekly basis.

Some things in life are carried a step too far. One is the removal of statues of persons who had ties to slavery in the past and public buildings named after those considered to have had black animosity.

San Francisco joined the group supporting name removal yesterday. The San Francisco School Board had a resolution under consideration for 3 months. Forty four schools involved.

The Board approved a resolution calling for removing names that honored historical figures with direct or broad ties to slavery, oppression, racism or the “subjugation” of human beings.

Some of the names on the list included George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Father Junipero Serra, Paul Revere, Francis Scott Key, and Dianne Feinstein.

A step too far.

Yes, Washington owned slaves. Everyone did back then. It was a form of wealth. People forget how Washington made it possible for our country to be born, the cold winter he spent at Valley Forge, and his crossing the Delaware in the middle of a freezing Christmas Eve to defeat the Hussein troops.

Without Lincoln, the black race might still be where they were 150 some odd years ago. He is honored. Referred to by Americans as the Great Emancipator. On a personal level, he was shot in the back of the head and died for the good he achieved as a result of the Civil War.

Would the colonists have won the Revolutionary War had Paul Revere not galloped through the night shouting: “To arms, to arms, the British are coming.” The Revolution might never have gotten beyond Concord and Lexington.

Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner.

Dianne Feinstein is a today woman. What did she do to blacks?

San Francisco is a gay community. Overwhelmingly. Why not require San Francisco to tear down the statues of any persons who were anti-gay at any time in any fashion? Also, those public buildings that were named after anti-gay persons.

Another great inquiry in the Citizens’ Voice: “If the City gets 100 vaccine doses, what portion of that goes to second doses?”

Key West continues to receive acclimation as being a popular place to vacation.

The 2021 Travelers Choice Award for Destinations listed Key West fifth. Behind New York, Maui, Las Vegas and New Orleans.

Miami appears to have fallen behind after many years at or near the top. It is now listed #18.

DAY 3…..Greece The First Time

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Key West Lou

I cannot believe I have been in Novara only three days. It seems like a lifetime. Especially in view of my experiences.

Earthquakes still in the news big time here. Much destruction to Northern Italy.

I reported being in two earthquakes yesterday. Turns out it was three. Maybe five. Three hours after publication, I felt another one. I was sitting at the computer at that time also. I did not consider it of any consequence. After all, I had been involved in two already that day. Last night while watching television, it was reported that Novara had suffered two more quakes around eight in the evening. I never felt them.

Many dead. Significant damage. Sad. The people of Novara spoke of the earthquakes much yesterday. It was like being in Key West following a hurricane.

Speaking of hurricanes, I was thinking yesterday whether a earthquake or hurricane was worse. One is short and the other prolonged. Both cause significant loss of life and damage. They ended up equal in my mind. Better that both not occur, however.

Earthquakes are not common to this region. So I have been told. The word on the news is that whatever problem there is in the San Francisco area exists now in northern Italy. A shelf or whatever and it is moving. Italian news describes it as a mountain rising to the surface. The scientists have predicted at least 70 more earthquakes over time as a result. We shall see.

Lisa got Skype yesterday. We skyped for the first time in the morning Lisa time. The grandkids had already left for school. Corey joined in. It was exciting to see them both. I hope I get to speak with Robert and Ally soon.

Around 5, I decided to take a walk. I rambled up and down the streets of the historic centre of Novara. It was a high knowing that most buildings were a thousand years old. The first floor the best quality shops. Top floors great apartments. By the way, people live in apartments here. Homes are considered too expensive. I do not understand. Most of the apartments go for $1 million dollars plus.

My walk led me to discover the Piazzetta Delle Erbe. Piazzetta means little piazza. I am learning.

In English the Piazzetta is the Little Square of Herbs. Back when, probably a thousand years ago, growers and merchants came from all over Europe and Asia to buy and sell herbs at this market.

Close by, I made another discovery. The Broletto. I do not know what the term means. It was the place where the first market in all of Italy was established in medieval times. Everything and anything sold. It helped the Novara area at the time to gain financial independence

The best was yet to come. The Partigiani. It is at the Piazza Dei Martiri. Partigiani means partisans. The Piazza translates to the Plaza of Martyrs.

I learned the story of this special place while sitting at an outside cafe having a drink and watching the world go by. Two gentleman at the next table engaged me in conversation. They spoke English. Americans are revered here. I am being treated with kindness and respect because I am an American. It was not unusual for them to engage me in conversation. They started the conversation with…..American?

Novara was occupied by the Nazis during World War II. Some of the locals were not pleased.They became partisans. Guerrilla types working as the underground. Five were captured. They were placed against a brick wall and shot by the Nazis. In full view of the citizens of Novara.

After the war a small monument was placed near where they were killed. A tree was also planted. It still stands today. The tree. By itself against a large red brick wall. Bullet holes could be seen in the wall.

It dawned on me that the medieval thousand year old buildings I have been speaking about were in good shape. I asked were they not destroyed during World War II? Bombs, artillery and tank fire. No, I was told.There was never any fighting or bombing or what have you in and to Novara. The Nazis walked out and the Americans walked in. The people of Novara were very lucky. Other communities in the area, such as Milan, sustained significant damage.

My walk took me past many fine stores. I was particularly impressed with the shops featuring apparel for women. The most beautiful clothes I have ever seen! Absolutely magnificent! Bright, shiny and smart for summer wearing. The thought struck me it would have been nice to have a woman to take into the stores and buy a new wardrobe for.

Remember the 124 steps I spoke of yesterday. There are not 124. I counted them again yesterday. At a time when I was not suffering from jet lag and a bad stomach. There are 68. Still a lot of steps for this old man!

The effects of jet lag are still with me. I went to bed at nine last night. Did not sleep one minute. Finally got up at 5:30 in the morning to start this blog. I will pay for the no sleep later in the day.

Never got to Milan yesterday to view the Last Supper. The trains were out of commission because of the earthquake.

I cannot let this experience pass. At the dinner party three nights ago, one of the meats was a dark one. Deep purple. Sliced thin. Every one was going crazy over it. They loved it! A bit of lemon and they ate away!

I had a few pieces. Did not particularly like it. Other guests were surprised I did not.

Yesterday similar meat was served to me for lunch. I again was not crazy about it. I asked what is this? It was horse meat! Horse meat is legal in Italy. There are specialty butcher shops that sell horse meat. And lest I forget, donkey also. That was it. No more for me! I explained that horse meat was not legal in the United States for human consumption. My fellow diners were shocked.

The big deal today is for me to go to the bank. I have no euros. Only American money. The exchange process should be interesting. Is cash or a credit card required? Can both be used?

Stephanie Kaple is one of the loves of my life. She lives in Key West. She is known as the Island Shoe Girl. She only wears expensive shoes with high high heels. Looks good in them!

Stephanie now plays bocce. She joined the same bocce league I play in. She wears heels while playing. Not wise from my perspective. But that is Stephanie!

She writes a blog as I do. A recent one was interesting and funny. Take a look at it if you have the time. A short read. www.islandshoegirl.com.

That is all for today folks! Sorry for the length but there is much to share regarding my trip. Tomorrow I leave for Athens to start the Greece phase of this trip. Athens, Santorini, Mykinos and some deserted island. Five weeks will be spent in Greece. Then back to Italy for a while. Portofino and Morocco under consideration for the scheduled end of my trip. If I return. I am enjoying everything so much I might stay.

Enjoy your day!

PENCE LAYING LOW IN INDIANA…..FEARS FOR HIS LIFE was originally published on Key West Lou

[mp100secretsanta2017-blog]

Snowflakes & Such

From: Mustdang (mustdang-100.tumblr.com)

To: Lovi (lovigal.tumblr.com)

Message: Hello and very happy holidays Lovi! Here is a gift fic for you; it was great fun to write and I hope you enjoy!

“One last stop!” Serizawa said eagerly, eyes running down his neatly checked-off list of holiday cookie recipients. Reigen tried not to sigh with relief, brushing at the snowflakes that had settled on his coat and checking the heavy gray sky anxiously.

“Ah, good. If this stuff keeps falling we might have to worry about train delays.”

For the first holiday season in years in which Serizawa was neither trapped by the fear of his own powers nor a member of a terrorist organization, he’d apparently decided to fully embrace every festive tradition he could get his hands on. Last week he’d enlisted Mob in helping him decorate Spirits & Such with paper snowflakes of various geometric designs, dangling them from the ceiling tiles by paper clips stolen from Reigen’s desk. Serizawa had illuminated their artworks with ropes of tiny white lights that he strung through the office. And most recently, he’d flexed his burgeoning cooking skills and baked enough cookies to hand-deliver some to everyone he knew in Spice City.

Reigen had never been particularly interested in the holiday season before now, always regarding it with more annoyance than pleasure. Yet Serizawa’s joyous enthusiasm was infectious, and Reigen found himself offering to join the cookie-delivering spree just to continue basking in the glow of Serizawa’s delight.

However, Serizawa had made a surprising number of friends and acquaintances in the short amount of time since he’d left Claw; Reigen hadn’t realized quite how many houses they’d be visiting. Confronted with house after house of “Happy Holidays!” by strangers who welcomed Serizawa and then peered at him with polite uncertainty, Reigen was very ready to turn in for the day. The steadily-increasing snowfall made him all the more eager to return home to lonely but familiar solitude. 

He peered over Serizawa’s burly shoulder, trying to see where they were going next.

“Who’s the lucky recipient of the last plate?”

“Kageyama-kun’s family!” Serizawa was practically buzzing with excitement. “I saved the best batch for them, they’re hardly burnt at all.”  

Reigen brightened; finally, someone he knew. He picked up his pace, not only eager for the chance to see Mob, but also for the excuse to see him at home, double check that everything was going okay for him there. Reigen didn’t see Mob’s family very often, and Mob’s little brother in particular had always viewed him with suspicion. Reigen welcomed any opportunity to correct this impression.

An unpleasant thought struck him at this, and he glanced at Serizawa uneasily.   

“Ah…crap. I probably should have brought something for them, too.”

Serizawa beamed. “Don’t worry Reigen-san; I put both our names on the gift tag!”

Reigen was taken aback, but squinted at the tag pasted to the red cellophane-wrapped paper plate. Sure enough, both their names were there in Serizawa’s clear, careful writing.

“Oh.” Words failed Reigen at the kindhearted gesture. “Thanks, Serizawa.”

Serizawa grinned wider, shaking the fresh snow from his curls. “No problem!”

They continued down the peaceful street in the direction of the Kageyama’s house, footsteps crunching in the snow. Fat flakes drifted all around them, muffling sound, blurring the landscape and lending it a strange sense of isolation, like they were the only two people in the world.

Reigen grinned at Serizawa, feeling suddenly a little giddy. “You ever catch snowflakes on your tongue as a kid?”

Serizawa’s eyes rounded. “No! I never spent much time outside, even as a kid. Other kids thought I was weird – I hid a lot.” 

Reigen’s heart panged at that, but he froze the grin to his face, holding the pains of Serizawa’s past at bay and eager to help him make up for any lost time.

“You want to try it now?”

“Doesn’t that seem a little, you know, immature?”

“Serizawa, you spent two days last week doing arts and crafts to hang in the office.”

“That was to help bring in business!” Serizawa protested. “I heard customers love those kinds of gimmicks.”

“Ok, sure. Of course. Still, no one’s watching now, eh? No reason not to be a little silly? Here, I’ll try it first.” Reigen closed his eyes and opened his mouth wide, waiting for the soft, cold sensation of a snowflake on his tongue.

Instead, a well-packed clump of snow smacked him square in the face.

Reigen rocked back at the impact, sputtering and choking at the snow that filled his eyes and mouth.

“What the–!?”

He swiped at his snow-covered face and glared out at his surroundings, searching for the culprit. Serizawa held a glove-clad hand clasped over his mouth in shock, but was clearly trying not to laugh. Reigen followed his line of sight, turning around just in time to see a spiky black head duck behind a mound of snow.

A second head poked up from another snow mound a few meters away, one sporting a very familiar bowl-cut that peeked out from under a woolen winter hat.

It seemed they had arrived at the Kageyama’s neighborhood.

“Ritsu, I don’t know if that was very nice. Shishou wasn’t expecting it.” Mob blinked, trying to free the snowflakes that clung to his lashes as he looked up at Reigen. “Hi Shishou, what are you doing here?”

Ritsu’s head slowly rose back up over the top of his own snow fort, just enough for his eyes to peek over. They regarded Reigen with a predatory gleam, and Reigen would have bet money that another snowball was being held out of sight just below. Reigen pasted on a smile and shuffled a bit closer to Serizawa, just in case.

“No, no, Mob. It’s fine,” he said, wiping the last of the snow from his face. “We just dropped by to bring your family some treats, didn’t mean to interrupt your epic snow battle.”

Serizawa stepped forward, clutching the cookie plate, looking back and forth between the two forts with eyes bright with interest.

“Were you having a snowball fight? Like on TV?”

Mob nodded, and tossed a snowball in demonstration. It flew about two meters before landing on the snow-covered lawn, breaking into pieces with a soft psh. 

Mob contemplated the location it had fallen, as though trying to understand where he’d gone wrong. Ritsu finally abandoned his post and stood up straight behind his snow fort. He walked to his brother, squeezing a snowball between his hands as he packed it tighter.

“I told you Nii-san, I think you’ll do better if you aim high up. Then your snowballs will at least go farther.” Ritsu tossed his snowball up and towards their own house in demonstration. It flew high, traveling much farther than Mob’s had. Mob nodded seriously, taking his brother’s advice as absolute fact.

Reigen saw an opportunity, and jumped on it before he could second-guess himself. 

“Ritsu’s right, Mob. Here, let me show you my special technique for throwing snowballs–”

Ritsu whipped toward him, eyes narrowing.

“Oh, interesting. You want to try teaching my brother something else you know nothing about.”

“Hey, now,” Reigen said, hands flying up in a placating gesture. “I just think that, with my advanced knowledge of both natural and paranatural physics, I–” 

Ritsu’s second snowball hit him in the face.

Reigen spluttered loudly and indignantly, but he didn’t miss the quickly-smothered guffaw from his left. He also saw, as soon as he’d cleared enough of the snow to see, a spark of humor in Mob’s face, the likes of which he hadn’t seen in weeks - not since Dimple’s abrupt and mysterious disappearance.

A new idea formed swiftly. Reigen wanted to encourage this light-hearted mood of Mob’s, and if Serizawa’s attitude towards holiday activities thus far proved anything, he would have an absolute blast having a snowball fight.

Reigen glared huffily down at Ritsu, who was looking smug. 

“Oho, I see how it is. Young Ritsu, I do believe that was a challenge.” Reigen drew himself up to his full height. “What do you say–myself and Mob versus you and Serizawa for a snowball fight the likes of which you’ve never in your young life encountered? Unless, of course, you’re too timid?”

Fire flashed in Ritsu’s eyes. “I think that’s the most intelligent idea you’ve had yet, Reigen-san,” Ritsu said, too calmly. “Nii-san and I would love to participate.”

“Excellent. Um, and no psychic powers allowed,” Reigen added hastily, eyeing Ritsu’s expression. “With my skills, it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of you.”

Mob wandered bemusedly to Reigen’s side, clearly keen to join whatever Ritsu wanted to do. However, Serizawa hesitated.

“Reigen-san, you’re sure this isn’t too childish? What if a prospective client sees?”

“Come now, Serizawa, snowball fights are winter holiday tradition!” Reigen said firmly. “We must defend our honor! And we can’t disappoint the boys, can we?”

“Oh,” Serizawa said, his expression clearing as he nodded solemnly. “You’re right. I will do my best, Reigen-san.”

***

Reigen had miscalculated.

“Run, Mob! Run!” Reigen panted, legs flying as fast as they would go as he pelted down the Kageyama’s street. Mob ran beside him, panting a little but otherwise seeming far less concerned than Reigen thought was warranted. Of course, that might be because the barrage of snowballs being flung their way all seemed to be aimed at him.

He chanced a quick look behind him. Ritsu was only a dozen or so meters back, Serizawa keeping pace right beside him. They both had snowballs in hand and equally-determined looks on their faces.

Serizawa’s enthusiasm plus Ritsu’s teenage vindictiveness were, it seemed, a devastating combination. A snowball hit the street with a more solid sound than Reigen thought a snowball had any right to make, barely missing his own churning feet.

“Serizawa, you know this suit isn’t meant for running!”

“Then stop running and defend your honor, Reigen-san!”

Reigen managed to dig up more speed.

The Kageyama’s house rose before them; at some point, they must have turned back around. As if on cue, Mrs. Kageyama opened the door just as he was racing up to it.

“Ah, hello!” Reigen huffed as he darted in close to the doorway, too close for Ritsu and Serizawa to risk the civilian casualty. Mob followed, and Serizawa and Ritsu joined them a few feet from the doorway, both looking pleased as punch, snowballs mysteriously vanished.

“We… just came… to drop off… some cookies!” Reigen continued, between breaths. Serizawa nodded earnestly, the picture of a generous visitor, as the plate of cookies dropped into his hands from the air above them. Mrs. Kageyama didn’t bat an eye, clearly accustomed to random psychic phenomena occurring in her house.

“Oh, how kind of you!” She smiled warmly at them. “I know how much Shigeo looks up to you, Reigen-san, and Serizawa-san, he’s told us so much about you! I was just about to call the kids in for dinner, but there’s plenty if the two of you’d like to join us?”

“Oh! I, uh,” Reigen was at a loss for words for the second time that night at this offer. He found himself looking to Serizawa, whose broad grin had reappeared.

“We’d love to, thank you!” Serizawa said, taking Reigen’s look as an invitation to accept for the both of them.

Reigen found himself ushered in with the rest of the group, and before he knew it was seated at the kitchen table with the entire family. No probing looks on this visit; instead, Mrs. Kageyama cheerily questioned him about his business while Mr. Kageyama added more rice to his plate. Serizawa had managed to draw Mob into a conversation about his athletic club, complimenting him on his speed that day. Even Ritsu, who’d been studying his brother’s minutely-cheered expression, passed Reigen his silverware with something that was almost a smile.

Reigen started when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He twisted to see Serizawa offering him a chocolate-chip cookie, edges only a little too dark. 

“Thanks for coming with me today, Reigen-san. I – I can’t express my gratitude enough, on top of how you’ve helped me, giving me a job, and helping me with school and with getting used to interacting with other people…Especially,” he swallowed uncertainly. “Especially since I got the feeling you didn’t care much for the holidays…”

“Oh…it’s no problem Serizawa! Happy to help, of course!” Reigen took the cookie, waving a hand airily as Serizawa beamed at him before turning back to rejoin his conversation with Mr. Kageyama.

Reigen bit into the cookie, munching contemplatively. Not half bad, he thought, relaxing into the conversation and company, his concerns about the train schedule forgotten despite the snow softly piling up outside.

[iohourtime]

Everything is Ready

Pict Up #108  2017.10

Thanks to weibo user 草莓要配白巧克力 for the clear scan.  I am paraphrasing parts of the article for better flow, so hopefully I don’t mess up anything.  Please let me know if you see any errors and I will update the article.  As with the other translations, I will include comments (snarky or serious) in the T/N and Asides.

Starting from here - “Namiya Zakkaten no Kiseki”

---- "The Miracle of the Namya General Store" is key setting where the "replies to trouble consultation" takes place. Does Yamada-san have any problems that you want to consult someone through letters?

"I do not have any, but I am doing a radio show, so I get letters of consultation."

[Aside: He did not seriously mean his corner in Ultra Jump where he tells female listeners how guys think about issues they write in, right?]

---- So there are opportunities to answer questions after all.

"Those questions cannot be answered. After all, it is up to the person to arrive at the answer by him or herself. What I can do is to offer some possible paths for them to consider until they get there."

[Aside: I guess he did learn something from the novel! That's pretty much what Namiya said.]

---- And respond with a hint.

"However, don’t complain about what I said during your consultation with me. Because I say all my thoughts clearly. Of course, I said those words with the person in mind. Perhaps you may feel hurt, or perhaps you may wonder what the heck I was thinking, but because you are consulting me, it cannot be helped."

----Is that so? I will be careful when I am consulting you (laughs).

"(Laughs) Because it is important, please submit your queries in writing. As a precaution."

---- Do you hear about your members' troubles?

"For example, "What should we do for the production of the live tour?" That's ... rather than [personal] problems, they are job related, because we have to do it.  Since we have to work hard on it, we think about the “what should we do” question together. "

---- In a number of issues [of this magazine], I had opportunities to interview members of Hey!Say!JUMP. I feel the momentum not only of Yamada-san, but also of the group.

"I think the awareness of our group is gradually rising, but I guess we are not quite there yet.  We are able to have a dome performance and I am happy about it, but we are not a level that I am satisfied with."

---- Strict, right?

"No, there are still many levels to clear.  There is no end.  I do not know where we want to get to. Going forward, we need to think about how to continue to push ourselves to new limits, as a group."

It is not a bad thing to desperately want to grab on

---- Looking up, the members are climbing the cliff, there are nine people trying to reach a considerably high place - that kind of image?

"Surely the feeling of "we are almost there" is not there. However, if you noticed, it's been 10 years since (Hey! Say! JUMP’s debut). "We are doing surprisingly OK?"”

---- Absolutely.

"But still, from a public recognition perspective, Hey!Say!JUMP is pretty green. In actuality, we are pretty inexperienced."

---- There are too many senpais above you.

"Oh yeah, our agency has so many great people, we can climb and climb but cannot reach their level. While we are moving forward, our senpais are also moving forward."

---- Yamada-san et al seems to be gaining momentum at considerably speed though?

"I feel that we are growing steadily, but at the same time, there is always a feeling that we have to aim for even higher heights, and the [current] assessment as to whether we are successful or not is irrelevant. It's about relative evaluation and it's inconvenient to think about yourself. "

---- So "I have to speed up my pace more" (No. 97), right?

"I want to crossover but there are still plenty of walls I cannot overcome. I am desperately fighting to get there and I am desperately grabbing on.  Working hard to maintain this attitude, it’s not a bad thing, I think?"

---- Although there may be impatience, there is no sense of distress there, is there?

"If I say that we can afford it, it will be a lie ... ... Hey!Say!JUMP has gotten a certain degree of recognition, [and at this point], I think that there are only two choices: "Maintain the status quo" or "Moving to the next level". Well, would everyone aim for the top? That is the story. "

---- You have climbed up to this point. But don’t you think about doing different things to further your journey?

"I do. There is merit in [challenging these heights] with the group. I think if it was only me, I would have reached the limits [of my potential] a long time ago, but because there are encouraging members ....... For example, (they were also interviewed by Pict Up before) (Nakajima) Yuto, Chinen (Yuri), and Inoo (Kei) chan who are playing lead roles in movies, they give me great motivation. I am also inspired when I see everyone do their best in the variety shows [they appear in]. "

---- You mentioned that "the members are rivals" (No. 93).

"That did not change. Each one of us is growing and I think none of us wants to lose to one another, so I feel that "It’s nice to be [a group of] nine people" especially in [our] 10th anniversary."

Change in the timing of feeling "You did a good job"

---- In addition to 'rivals', you have said a few other things in previous interviews. When you were talking about your work as an actor, [it always feel like] "I have entered the sumo ring" (No. 99).

"About being an actor, it is true. I am always studying. Working as an idol, especially during live tours, I have "to use all the skills I have right now." When the show is finished, I will prepare for the next live event."

---- You used up your stored power, and then you let it build again

"On the other hand, in the acting world, you must always do two tasks in parallel: "to use everything I have right now" and "to absorb new skills" ---- this is my opinion. I think that it is a very difficult job. "

---- But it's fun, right?

"It's exciting, is it not? I must always keep my head in “on” [mode], I cannot afford to think about other things. It is tiring, but ... after doing that, I like to fully slack off (laughs)."

----What do you mean?

"For example, [after] a person runs at full force in a 100 meters race, [then] Uwaa and that person falls down, right? It is a great moment, is not it?"

---- [You are an] M?

"I am a masochist, absolutely.  Or perhaps I'm just absorbed in my own world. When I left the theatre after watching the film, [I said to myself] ‘You did a good job.’ ”

---- Before you watch [the movie] at the cinema, did you go to the internal preview screening?

[Aside: I think this was held for people related to the production back in June.]

"[Usually,] when I go to the previews, I cannot look at the film objectively; I begin to search for flaws [in my performance]. But this time it was different.  When I saw the preview, I was thinking "You did a good job".  There are lots of moments when I noticed “I'm doing a lot of acting that is important for myself”. This is the first time [I felt that way]."

There are no better words than what I received from a dai-senpai (revered actor)

---- Did your attitude towards the acting world change?

"It did. I wonder if I can finally say to myself "You are an actor.” I wonder if my preparation of the “ready, go”-ness as an actor is finally over.”

---- Still, it is somewhat humble (laughs).

"I have worked hard so far, I am slowly becoming more confident in my acting, but to those who are working solely as an actor, I was not able to wipe away my guilty conscience [if I call myself an actor].  However this time ... I felt like there was a breakthrough, I felt like I got to the start line. Perhaps it was great that we were able to work with Nishida Toshiyuki-san."

---- Without acting together in a scene? The scenes that Nishida-san appeared was in a different era, right?

"That's right. Being in a movie together is like going to the same battlefield. Whether you are acting opposite each other or not, it does not matter. Of course if I have the opportunity, I would like to share a scene with him next time.”

---- Can you tell us something about the completed work?

"At the launch party after the preview, Nishida-san said,"After I watched this movie, I cannot be alone.  I want to share my feelings with everyone." There is no better, more appreciative words than that. I wonder if this also led to my confidence."

For the first time, I was able to understand "Crying while being angry"

---- As you mentioned before, "The acting world seems to be an exploration”, and "Every time, I discover a part of myself that I did not know" (No. 93). What did you discover in this film?

"Crying while being angry ... that kind of feeling. Because I have never experienced it. There is a member [in JUMP] who cries while being angry. Okamoto (Keito), that’s who. "Why is that?" I used to wonder ... When I started to become angry, various emotions came out, then I started weeping ...... So that is how it feels."

---- "This!"

"After that, I feel that I want to learn how to suppress one’s presence. When it is time to shine, I will shine; and when it is time to pull back, I will pull back.  Even though I was the lead, and while some of it depended on how it was filmed or blocked, I was able to pull back on my movements and emotions, and I felt that it all went well.

---- Incidentally, "Fullmetal Alchemist" will also premiere in December, but what was the order of shooting?

"It’s “Fullmetal Alchemist”, “Cain and Abel", and "The Miracles of the Namiya General Store". So Atsuya is the newest Yamada Ryosuke."

The only certain thing is to always be prepared to be painted with different colors

---- In order to further your journey as an artist, what would you impose on yourself....

"Nothing at all."

---- There. There is no such thing as "I have to do this".

"Working hard and being impatient are two different things. I am not impatient. When I'm given a task, I will be serious and give it my all, but I don't find the "well, what should I do to prepare in advance" type of thinking is a good use of time.  Depending on the person, some may find that "sweet", I don’t do anything. I think that's just my style."

[Aside: Some people like to plan things to death, but the downside is that if any piece falls out of place, your whole plan could collapse.  Others might leave everything up to chance.  I guess in his case, he will work hard but at the same time not map out the detailed plan in advance.]

---- Even though I know Yamada-san’s style is "I will not set a goal", I'm going to ask anyway. Whatever the final goal is, do you think about [what you want to accomplish] in the next year or foreseeable future?

"I have no idea ...."

---- Do you have a goal like "For now, this”?

"Oh, I wish the movie is a huge hit (laughs)."

---- So first, for "The Miracles of the Namia General Store" to be a hit.

"I hope that you can love this film I appeared in. However, as a goal, I don't have an image that I "want to be like this". I want to be the canvas that can be painted with any color, I do not want to be the paint. I want to get [the opportunity] to be painted over constantly. "

---- Please let me interview you again when you have become a different canvas.

"Thank you (laughs)."