#Saying No to Yui

[thekinglemingle]

Saying No to Yui

I've been sitting on an idea for an AU for a while now. I know how it starts and how it ends and some bits in the middle, but not much. I don't have much time for writing these days, but now I'm on tumblr and tumblr is full of sharp bursts of micro-fiction and AU's told in short achronological chunks. So what the hell. Let's give this a go. I won't add new snippets regularly, but hope to do so occasionally. This is part 1 of Saying No to Yui

Amongst the may subjects discussed in the Dead Sea Scrolls, is that of alternate timelines. The Old Men of SEELE had read such information, but it quickly became apparent that they were in a branch of the multiverse where interdimensional travel would remain out of reach for them. There was no Golgotha Object waiting for them in Antarctica and no Evangelion-i. No route to access the Book of Life, and to add their names to its pages. As knowledge of different timelines would not help them achieve their goal of Instrumentality, the information was forgotten and ignored, though some members of the Committee retained a quiet speculation that the complementation of mankind that awaited them would allow them to join with their own counterparts from the roads not taken.

The popular conception of branching timelines, is that they are formed every time a decision is made. This, the Dead Sea Scrolls explain, is not the case. Lilim, for the most part act in predictable ways, in accordance with the wealth of experience they have built up in their lifetime. To paraphrase the philosopher Lu Tse, while the laws of physics state that there should be a timeline in which Gendo Ikari woke up on the morning of the Contact Experiment and shot his wife dead, no such universe exists. While he was physically capable of doing so, his own soul would prevent him from doing so. This is but one example of the ways in which the Fruit of Knowledge can exert its influence on reality in ways far subtler and yet stronger than the brute force of the Fruit of Life.

And yet, in the immediate aftermath of the Contact Experiment Gendo Ikari was faced by a true decision. Where two warring facets of his personality vied for attention and where it was truly possible for him to go either way.

These then are the moments upon which the timeline turns.

Gendo stands at the train platform and looks down at the crying child, begging not to be sent away.

Gendo knows what he must do. The Scenario, or at least Gendo’s modifications to it, are still in their infancy, but he already knows that this is a path he must walk alone and the boy would be better off without a father as useless as him in his life. He opens his mouth to rebuke the child, to do what must be done, and the crying child opens his eyes.

Yui’s eyes.

Gendo has only just lost his wife. Only just started down the long road that leads of Instrumentality. His heart is not yet as hardened as it will be by the time the Angels come to Tokyo 3. And this is not just any child. Not even the fact that he is Gendo’s child will sway him to recent his decision.

But this is Yui’s child.

With Yui’s body dissolved into LCL, this child is the last physical remnant of her biological existence. And here, perhaps, is the only person in all the world who might miss Yui as much as he does. In a moment of weakness, he says something he shouldn’t, to comfort Yui’s child. In one timeline these words will be forgotten within a month, lost in a tide of grief and written off as an empty promise. In another, things go very differently.

 “I must. I am going to get your mother back.”

For a moment the child stops crying in shock and stares up at him. As he stares into the determined eyes of Yui’s son’s he is reminded again of how much he looks like his mother. The child speaks.

“Let me help you, father.”

Gendo pauses, the unstoppable force meets the immovable object and the timeline forks. On the one hand he needs to be without distractions if he is to work on his quest to retrieve his wife. On the other, when he stares into her eyes full of determination, he could never say no to Yui Ikari.

Where once there was a single timeline, there is now two. In two universes, two Gendo Ikaris walk back to their limo. Both are quietly confident that they made the only decision it was possible for him to make. They are both wrong. And in one universe Gendo tells the teary child sitting on the passenger seat,

“If you get in the way. You will have to leave.”

[yumeyumeappleo]

me right now oh ym go d please let me go to sleep (im too lazy to go to sleep. dont ask me ho w that works)

[yuikomorii]

💗Dino-Yui💗

// I know I stated being insecure and anxious about sharing Yui in merch lines again but I couldn't help myself this time...! Everyone looks so adorable in those jumpsuits, so I really wanted to see my girl in one! Precious dino-Yui!! ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

[lila-oh]

"- Good job 'Fei, 'Ro's in another space. I totally lost my boyfriend. - What about you? Not reading the book I gave you? - Me? Naaah, I'm a streetrat remember? Gotta maintain the reputation."

I made this for the @gundamzine. I just want them to be fine now.

[seaoflove07]

~ Say Yes To Heaven ~

👼🏻 Shu & Yui 👼🏻

Water Aesthetic.

Quote lyrics, Say Yes to Heaven by Lana del Rey.

Beach Photos Source: weheartit.com

[incorrectgundamwingquotes]

Heero: Goodnight

Relena: Goodnight

Heero: I love you

Relena: I love you too

Heero: Rest in peace

Relena: Please don’t say that to anyone else

Heero: Ok

[fure-dcmk]

every trio got the

[roseluwakcoffee]

Sometimes I think I write Kyoko too much like a cold, hard detective for being a literal teenager/young adult, but then I remember at the age of 13 years old she canonically doused herself in vodka and threatened to light herself on fire if the killer didn’t reveal themselves

[ideas-4-stories]

Roger: "What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?" Gaban: "Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies" Taro: "Socks are Feetie Heaties" Seagull: "Forks are Stabby Grabbies" Spencer: "Defibrillators are Heartie Starties" Yui: "Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies" Roger: "Stamps are Lickie Stickies" Rayleigh, annoyed: "You guys are such disappointments, you're teaching the kids bad things" *pointing to Buggy and Shanks, whos laughing their asses off*

[gagad]

Ayato:I'm not cute 😡

Also ayato:

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

[420penisdelirious69]

diabolik lovers it is so good conceptually if you just ignore the concept. we have a love hate relationship. its so silly. what is wrong with it. rip yui komori the best character love her sm.

[yuikomorii]

// I just find it so funny how Yui always believes “Violence is not the key!” in other routes, but with Ayato she’s an irredeemable masochist! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

Ayato: I don’t get mad or hit others with no reason.

Yui: Even if Ayato-kun were to hit me, it’s okay. I want to accept everything. 😍😍

He better only make use of that information in the bedroom…

[youhavethewrong]

When Defunctland or hbomberguy release a video on how shitty it is to take/use things from artists without proper credit, everyone on tumblr rightfully agrees. Every single other day 99% of posts on my dashboard are *stolen video with no link* *stolen video with no link* *"I don't know who made this but i found it funny"* *stolen video with no link* *someone's comic reposted by dankmemesblog* *stolen tweet with the username cropped out* *stolen video with no link*

[sweet-rabbit]

/ next

that's right it's to be continued, heero's socially awkward yet sincere self can't be contained to just one page! (repost since it didn't seem to show up in the tags last time *shrug*)

[seoafin]

not to be gushy and sappy on main but hell's paradise is so incredibly special to me for being a narrative about love and friendship and compassion. every single character loves so much and instead of being punished by the narrative for it in the name of being a 'dark' manga it saves almost every character's life. and for the characters it doesn't save, their deaths are so thoughtful and infinitely more meaningful than any other shonen dark manga which likes to kill off characters for shock value. every character's character arc is spurred by love because of the way it irrevocably changes them and how their motivations are shaped around it and their relationships with one another. the characters are only brought closer by the fact that the original stratification of criminals vs. punishers is meant to emphasize the dichotomy of good vs bad but they're all brought together by the universality of what it means to love someone else. the goodness and sacrifice and doubt it brings out in you. the manga humanizes those who have been condemned by society (those who don't follow the arbitrary rules of society) and points out the social conditions and hierarchies that exist to perpetuate cycles of abuse and isolate individuals to be cast out by society and says that nobody is born that way. nobody is born evil (which directly opposes shugen's philosophy and rigid standards of good and evil) in the end it's about the inherent goodness of human nature and why it'll always win. im so sick. im going to cry.