#She feels. sad making herself a new one by herself after the original generation she ‘grew up’ with is gone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mint-yooxgi · 2 years

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{12} - Hotel California - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Based off of This ask and Hotel California by Eagles

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Fluff, Slight Humor

Pairing: Ateez X Reader (Focus on Wooyoung & Yeosang, slight Jongho & Mingi)

Words: 13,562

Warnings: Sexual tension, a whole lot of it. Mentions of violence, some insecurities. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: The song that Yeosang plays for the OC is from The Two Towers, and is the first 1:30 or so from The King of the Golden Hall. It’s the main Rohan melody found throughout the series. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the chapter, you should all know what and whom to expect for the next chapter *wink wonk* by the time you’re finished reading this. Hehehe, let me know your thoughts! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Main Story - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten - Part Eleven - Mini Masterlist

The remainder of that same day is spent resting and catching up on sleep. That headache didn’t want to seem to break until late that same night, and once it did, the tremendous amount of relief you felt was insane.

The guys all noticed, of course, immediately offering to take your pain away and heal your headache. Only, you refused, saying you probably just needed some sleep. You had too many things on your mind to think about, so you figure that that’s probably what all the stress had been from, anyways. Plus, you have the added fact about Miyeon and the danger she poses.

Now, you aren’t dumb. You figured that they would have many, many exes and past relationships given who, and what they are. If they didn’t have at least ten significant others in all of their long years of living, you would be extremely curious as to why not. Still, you never expected their latest ex to hate your guts, more than likely wanting to kill you in the most brutal ways she knows how.

What a sad life that must be, to not be able to move on after twenty long years, and recognize one’s own faults. Clearly, Miyeon is incapable of self-reflection, but then again, she’s probably incapable of realizing a lot a things about herself if that’s always been the way she’s treated them. She is nothing but a narcissist, seeking that validation through manipulation, and believing that she can do no wrong.

When the next day comes, you still find it difficult to get out of bed, except to do the basic things like eat and bathe yourself. All you want to do is rest, your mind exhausted from all of this new information presented to you in the past week alone.

The guys are good about it. Giving you your space when you need it, but still making sure to check in on you every now and then. You’re still a little colder to Seonghwa, Hongjoong, and Jongho, though. A fact which the three know they all deserve, but still makes their hearts pang in their chests when it happens.

At least you never went back to ignoring them.

San, on the other hand, is constantly kissing up to you now. Every day, he’s making you your favourite meals, and showering you in praises and apologies. Granted, he didn’t surprise you as much as Jongho did when he originally voted ‘no’, but he did sound a bit hesitant to you when he said it, and he’s shown the greatest amount of remorse since the incident. The quickest, too. At least, in your opinion.

You’ve noticed a change within you, as well. The other four, certainly, you’ve grown closer to, but there’s a deeper understanding between you all now - a deeper trust. You even go so far as to begin smiling when you see one of them pop their head into your room, your eyes lighting up as they ask you how you’re feeling. Though, none have experienced quite the change as Yunho and Yeosang have.

If someone had told Yunho that you would be suddenly brushing up against his mind more often, let alone speaking to him through your connection over the next three days at the very start of your relationship - if you could have even called it that - he would have laughed in their face. Even now, on the fifth day after the mall incident, as you link your mind to his once more to show him an art meme you found that he might like, he cannot help but swoon. Finally, you’re opening up to him, just as he has always been ready and willing to open up to you.

He just wishes you’d come to see his art room, but he supposes that that’s all in due time. After all, good things come to those who wait.

Yeosang, on the other hand, is still one of the first ones to get you anything and everything you might need. He’s almost memorized your patterns, recognizing the familiar twitching of your lips when you’re starting to crave your favourite flavour of ice cream in the middle of the night, or even the slight trembling in your hands when you’re aching for another’s embrace.

One thing that they can both agree on, though, is how much more affectionate you are towards them. Even Mingi and Wooyoung have experienced the change, though you still keep a little bit of a closer eye on Wooyoung than the others. It saddens him, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before you’re opening yourself up to him in the same ways the others have already gotten the privilege to experience.

At least he’s not like Hongjoong, Seonghwa, or Jongho for the moment.

Poor Jongho. The one male you had seemed to be the closest to is suddenly the least of your concern now. You used to spend hours with him in the library, either simply just sitting in one another’s company, or discussing some book one or the both of you have read with each other. Now, it’s like all of that progress means nothing, and he knows he only has himself to blame. He just wishes you would talk to him again, instead of giving him short, one word answers, or brushing off his inquires entirely whenever he sees you.

Luckily, with each day that passes, the three of them have slowly been making their way back into your good graces. By the time a week has passed after the mall incident, it’s almost back to what it was like before the argument, just not as intimate. At least you’ve told them that you’ve forgiven them at this point, sternly reminding them about what would happen if a situation like this should arise again.

Both San and Jongho cried at your vindication, and even Hongjoong got a little teary-eyed. Though, none felt their hearts swell with joy as much as the eldest did.

As soon as those words had left your lips, Seonghwa had fallen to his knees, soft cries of gratitude falling like mantras from his lips. It was then that he asked if he could embrace you. A first for the eldest and what you have so often experienced with him.

The moment the confirmation had escaped your lips, his arms were around you. One hand immediately came up to cradle the back of your head as he tucked your face into the side of his neck, while the other wrapped securely around your waist. You felt the tears he had so desperately been holding back finally fall. The tiny droplets began to hit your shoulder once more as he whispered his thanks into your ear, promising you that he would never let you down again.

You had returned the embrace then, softly carding your fingers through the hair on the back of his neck while cooing comforting sentiments into his ear. Along with a joking, ‘you better not’, of course.

They had all chuckled at that, watching as you pulled away to stare deeply into Seonghwa’s eyes. An understanding had passed between you then, and you smiled. You actually smiled at him for the first time in what felt like ages.

All too soon, you were puling away, only to be asked by each of the other three if they could also embrace you.

You agreed, which could not have made any of them happier at that moment in time.

Currently, after a week and a day since the mall incident, you find yourself making your way towards the library, a bag held firmly in your hand. In all of the commotion and fallout of the past week, you have yet to open any of your new albums, or shelf your new books. Which is exactly what you’re going to do now.

Stepping into the library, you make your way over to your specific section, as you so lovingly call it, and place the bag onto the antique coffee table before you.

Excitement thrums through your veins at the prospect of reorganizing your shelves after opening your new albums. It’s been a while since you’ve been able to do so, and you’ve found that it’s always been able to help calm you down; a relaxing way to take your mind off of things for an hour or more, depending on how many new items you have, and how quickly you work. You’re just glad that there’s ample shelf space for all of your things, you were starting to run out back in your old apartment.

Turning to the bag you’ve just placed on top of the table, you start to remove all of the items, spacing them out in neat little piles on top of the desk after sitting on the edge of the couch.

You don’t even hear the door nearest to you opening until you hear a fond chuckle from across the room. Looking up with wide eyes, you see Wooyoung leaning against the side of the frame.

“Want some company?” A small grin tugs at the corner of his mouth as his arms are crossed over his chest, mirroring the exact same position he was in when he asked you such a question for the very first time in the game room.

You cannot help but think back to that moment, a slight upturning of your lips as you do so. He looks much less nervous now than he did then.

“Sure.” You respond. “Though, I don’t know how entertaining this’ll be for you.”

Looks like you might have to tone down your reactions for certain albums when you open them, especially if you pull your bias. The last thing you want is another jealous demon to deal with for the moment. You giggle to yourself.

“Penny for your thoughts, Beautiful?” He quirks a brow as he walks over to you, sitting right next to you on the couch so that your knees are almost brushing.

The best part? You don’t move away.

So, you decide to tease him, a knowing grin tugging at your lips. “I’m just surprised you’re willingly ready to be made jealous.”

“I would never,” his jaw drops, hand coming up to cover his heart as if he’s personally been scandalized. Then, he’s nudging your knee with his own, soft smile tugging at his lips. “Don’t feel like you have to tone down your excitement for me.”

You shoot him an incredulous look, brow quirked and all.

“I want to know more about you.” The way he repeats the same words you said to him merely a week ago with such earnest reflected in his voice has your heart warming in your chest.

“Alright,” you meet his gaze, a softness shining there that he’s only ever dreamed of being on the receiving end before that makes his heart jump into his throat. In a good way, of course. Then, you’re shooting him a playful look, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Seeing you happy makes me happy, Gorgeous,” he replies, smiling wide as his eyes fall shut.

You smile back softly, “I appreciate that, Woo.”

Oh, if only you knew how that one simple little word makes his heart thunder in his chest. His head spins at the fact that you’ve just referred to him by one of his own nicknames, the ghost of your lips tingling against his cheek once more.

A shudder nearly runs down his spine. Now, if only he could have you moaning as such beneath him… Yet, he knows: all in due time.

“So,” he begins, shifting closer so that his thigh is now pressed right up against your own, “how do you usually go about this kind of thing?”

“Well, I don’t really have a particular order in terms of opening certain groups first,” you admit, reaching for one of the albums in front of you. “But, I do usually save the albums I’m most anticipating opening until last.”

Wooyoung nods, eyes eagerly watching as your hands unwrap the plastic from the colourful package held in your grip.

There was more than one reason Wooyoung wanted to join you today. Yes, he wanted to spend time with you, and he’s so glad that none of his brothers have decided to interrupt so far. However, he also wants to get more of an idea of how you think. What so many people do not realize, is that every action they make, every word they say, slowly gives away everything about them. All of their fantasies - all of their desires - are laid bare in the subtleties that make up who they are, and how they want to be treated.

He isn’t the master of seduction for nothing.

Every single action you make, every ministration against the packaging, he observes. Even the words you have just uttered ring through his ears as he does so.

You must like to be built up, then. Teasing yourself until you’re finally able to find relief in what you crave most. A relief that Wooyoung is always more than ready and willing to give to you, in any and every way he knows how.

He’s so caught up in his own thoughts, and staring at the delicate way your hands open each album, that he hardly registers that you’ve asked him a question.

“Sorry, Beautiful,” he grins sheepishly, “what was that?”

“I said,” you simply shoot him a playful side-eyed look, a chuckle falling from your lips in the next second, “any luck with finding Miyeon yet?”

“Not yet.” Wooyoung exhales a small sigh through his nose, lips tugging downwards in the corners. “We’re still trying to track her down, but she keeps moving from one place to the next before we can get to her.”

You nod your head in understanding. “I’m sure you’ll find her soon. I have faith in you.” You turn your head to meet his gaze, a soft smile causing your lips to quirk upwards reassuringly. “All of you.”

“Thank you, Beautiful.” Wooyoung cannot contain the pleased hum that builds in his throat. “That means a lot to me.”

Before he can stop himself, or lose the nerve for that matter, Wooyoung places a gentle hand onto your knee, giving it a light squeeze. Of course, he lets his touch linger, especially as he watches you place your own hand on top of his, giving him a soft squeeze back.

Oh, so badly does he want to let out a roar in happiness. You’re touching him. You’re actually touching him! And you’re not pulling away, or tensing beneath his grip. A fact of which only makes him more ecstatic for the moment, the pleasant thrum of his heartbeat echoing in his ears.

In the next moment, he’s shifting his gaze to the three opened albums you have stacked in a pile on the table, keeping his hand resting upon your knee all the while.

“Pull anything good so far?” Genuine curiosity is held in his voice as he asks this.

“So far, so good, but nothing monumental.” You smile back. “These three are only groups I listen to casually, anyways. Now, these on the other hand…” you trail off, motioning to the last five albums you have yet to open, “will be a different story.”

“Which one are you looking forward to most?” He looks over the five items spaced out before you on the table.

There seems to be three groups left, for there are two piles of two albums stacked together, while a singular album lays in between them. You reach for that one first.

“You’ll just have to wait and find out,” you shoot him a wink, and you feel him physically shiver with his leg still pressed firmly up against your own.

So, you like to tease, do you? Though, that fact isn’t all that surprising to him any more. He’s known that since the very beginning. It’s just different when you tease him now, for you’re no longer doing it unknowingly. At least, most of the time. Plus, there’s a greater significance to it now than there was when you were just doing it before just for fun. The fact that you want to tease him, to rile him up and make him go even crazier for you drives him insane. Always, in a good way.

Fuck, he can’t wait for the day when he can properly tease you back. In any and all the different ways he knows how.

Though, that’s not including the times he teases you now. No. Wooyoung wants to be able to build you up, to have you aching for his touch in the best ways until you finally give in to him. He wants you to embrace every primal desire you’ve ever had, and experience a type of pleasure only he can provide for you. After all, he’d do anything for you, including letting you use him in any and every way you so desire. As long as it’s him you’re using, you could do whatever you want, and he would not complain.

“My word, she’s so beautiful,” your breathless voice draws him out of his much too vivid thoughts of laying you down on this couch and kissing you until you’re breathless and clinging on to him desperately, begging him for more.

Wooyoung blinks, eyes focussing on the album you seem to be flipping through at the moment. He takes the opportunity to lean further into you, resting his head on your shoulder as he gazes down at the pictures printed on the pages you keep looking at.

“Isn’t she gorgeous?” You sigh wistfully, turning another page and admiring the photos there.

“Sure, she’s pretty,” Wooyoung shrugs, nonchalantly agreeing with your statement. Then, in the next second, he’s turning his head to stare intently at you, his eyes shining as his chin rests on your shoulder, “but I’ve seen prettier.”

“Psh, sure,” you chuckle, a playful roll of your eyes as you flip over another page. “Who could be prettier than Kang Seulgi?”

Wooyoung hums, his lips tugging upwards gently. “I’m looking at her right now.”

You wish you could deny the way that your heart positively flutters at his words, a heat rising to your cheeks fairly quickly in the next moment. From the way you can practically feel his cheeky smile boring a hole into the side of your face at the reaction you give him, you just know he’s heard your response loud and clear.

“I meant it in a gay way,” you mutter, slightly embarrassed for the moment.

“Oh?” Wooyoung quirks a brow, shifting his body so that he practically drapes himself over you, wrapping his arms around your torso and leaning further into you in the next second. His voice is a low drawl right by your ear as his breath tickles the skin of your neck. “Should I start getting jealous, then?”

At the way he can feel you shiver in his arms, a smug smirk is stretching across his features.

“Depends.” You hum, deciding to play along with him for now.

“On?” The grin that pulls onto his lips is nothing short of devious, loving the way you still have yet to pull away from his embrace.

“If you believe there’s really anything to get jealous over.” You shrug, managing to push him slightly off of you for the moment as you close the album and place it to the side.

You can feel the growl reverberate in his chest as you say this, the pleased sound caressing your ears softly. You chuckle, reaching for the next two albums by the same group.

Little do you know of how significant those words are to Wooyoung. If what he’s interpreting them to be is correct, you’re implying that you would still choose him over this female idol any day. Despite the attraction you may feel towards her, the attraction you feel towards him is stronger, so he has nothing to worry about. Besides, you two share a deeper connection. You always will.

The sound of your voice draws him back to the reality before him.

“Two bitches, two bitches, one Porsche,” you mutter, almost subconsciously to yourself as you unwrap the one album.

Wooyoung snorts, “please tell me that’s not actually how the song goes.”

“The demo did,” you laugh, right along with him. “No, they changed it to ‘Two Baddies’, which, in my opinion, doesn’t make it any better.”

“Is the song any good?” He asks innocently.

“Subjective.” You tilt your head, tossing the wrappings into the bag with the others as you place the album on the table in front of you, flipping to where all the inclusions are. “My bias wrecker looks great this comeback, though- holy fuck!”

The gasp that escapes your mouth as you flip the first photocard around is nothing short of shocked. The way he can see your eyes widen, lips parting in awe has a pout tugging at his features. However, it’s the way he can hear you hum in content, nodding your head in the next moment that has the growl of discontent finally escaping him.

“Who is that?” His eyes narrow at the one photocard in your hand, nearly flashing black as he sees the second photocard displaying the same exact male on it.

“Mmmh,” it’s like you don’t even recognize Wooyoung is even there anymore as your hooded eyes stare at the two cards held in your hands, “Yuta. What a fine ass man.”

Wooyoung’s lips pull back against his teeth in a snarl as he releases you from his hold. The worst part is, you don’t even seem to be registering you’re saying these things. The response is so natural from you, almost as if it’s been ingrained in your mind since the very beginning, that Wooyoung hates every second of it. Why can’t you react like that for him? Why can’t he be the one who has you practically drooling at the mere thought of him?

“What’s so special about him, anyways?” He grumbles, crossing his arms against his chest as he slouches in his spot.

“So, it’s only the males I find attractive that you’ll get jealous over?” You quirk a teasing brow as you place the cards back into the album. “Double standard, much.”

“I’ll get jealous over anybody you find attractive that’s not me,” he tells you, a slight rumble to his voice as he watches you flip through the rest of the inclusions with a soft smile on your face.

“Even your brothers?” You quirk a brow knowingly as you close the album, placing it onto the pile with the others in the next second.

He grins, “especially my brothers.”

“It’s a shame, then,” you hum, a teasing lilt to your voice. “You won’t have a reason to be jealous much longer.”

“Oh?” His heart begins racing in his chest, excitement beginning to pour through his veins as he leans closer into you, eyes briefly glancing down to your lips. “Why is that, Beautiful?”

“Because, Woo,” the way you drawl out his name sends a pleasant shiver down his spine, “I find you extremely attractive, so you have no reason to be jealous over someone who doesn’t even know I exist.”

The growl of pleasure that wants to escape him gets caught in his throat, doing whatever he can to stifle his immense satisfaction for the moment. He can tell you have more to say, and like hell is he going to stop you, especially right now.

“You should know, though, that yes, I can still find people attractive, but looks aren’t what matter the most to me.” You shake your head. “In fact, I don’t really care about how someone looks. It’s their attitude and personality that really attracts me to someone in the end. And Sunshine?” You meet his gaze and his breath hitches in his throat at what he sees swirling behind your eyes. “You’re stunning.”

This time, he doesn’t even try to muffle his pleased snarl, eyes swirling with that all too familiar blackness as his hands find purchase on your waist, instantly pulling you on top of his lap so that your legs rest on either side of him. His grip is desperate, fingers digging into the skin of your thighs as he pulls you in closer, staring deeply into your gaze before his own is flicking to your lips once more.

Only, the way your breath hitches in your throat, your whole body tensing as you do so has him freezing in his spot. He can feel how hesitant your touch is as your hands steady yourself on his shoulders, purposely holding yourself away from him as far as you can for the moment.

A soft breath escapes him, immediately releasing his grip on your thighs in the next moment. His eyes droop, averting his gaze as he squeezes his hands into fists beside him on the couch to prevent himself from shaking until the need to touch you, the need to pull you closer into him until there’s no space between your bodies left, dissipates.

“Sorry, Gorgeous,” he swallows thickly, clearing his throat in the next second. “I got a little too carried away.”

Seonghwa is right. You really do make it so difficult to control themselves around you, in any and every way possible. Looks like he owes the eldest an apology.

You move off of him carefully, sitting back onto the couch beside him with just a tad more space between the two of you than before. A fact which makes his heart squeeze in his chest.

Fuck. Why can’t he seem to do anything right? Three steps forwards, one step back.

“It’s okay,” that all too familiar heat rises to your face once more as you reach for another album, attempting to control the trembling of your own hands. “I’m just-“ you let out a soft sigh, “I’m just not used to it.”

Wooyoung blinks, completely caught off guard by your admission. “Surely, you’ve been desired before.”

It’s not a question, but a statement that falls from his lips.

You shoot him a side-eyed glance, hands momentarily pausing in unwrapping the plastic from the album you’re currently holding. Then, you’re letting out a small sigh through your nose, a slight shake to your head. “Not in the way you all want me.”

For a brief moment, that conversation with Seonghwa all those weeks ago flashes through your mind.

“You lie,” there’s no malice in his voice when he says this, only pure and honest disbelief. “Impossible.”

When you remain silent, he shifts closer to you. Though, he’s cautious, not wanting to scare you away again.

“Have you-“ his voice is gentle, swallowing the sudden dryness in his throat. “Have you ever-“

“If you’re asking about whether or not I’ve had sex before, the answer is yes.” You reply, keeping your gaze locked on the album in your hands as you cling to it for dear life. “Now, whether it’s been satisfactory or not… well, that’s a different story.”

“What imbecile didn’t take the time to learn how to please you properly?” He nearly scoffs.

“You’d be surprised,” you huff, flipping open your album quite pointedly as if you’re recalling the memory right now.

He nearly growls in response until an idea pops into his mind.

“Well, you know what they say,” he hums, a smug look taking over his features as he leans into you, breath once more tickling the shell of your ear as his voice drops, “it takes a true King to know how to please his Goddess.”

The way his words have your breath hitching in your throat has another content rumble building in his chest, eyes swirling with that all too familiar blackness. The way he can practically smell your scent spiking in arousal has his eyelids practically fluttering shut, the ghost of a moan on his lips.

What Wooyoung wouldn’t give to completely ravish you right now. To pull you into his arms and beg you to let him please you in any and every way he knows how. A single touch isn’t enough. A small taste won’t be able to sate him. He wants it all, - your everything - and he wants it bad.

“Tell me, Gorgeous,” he shifts his head ever so sightly, his nose brushing along the column of your neck and causing a shiver to run down your spine. “When was the last time someone had you trembling from their touch? When was the last time someone worshipped you like you’ve always deserved?”

Your heart skips a beat, voice catching in your throat as your lips part in response.

“Tell me,” he hums, placing a tender kiss right over your racing pulse beneath the skin of your neck, and absolutely revelling in the way a shuddering gasp leaves your lips. “Has no one ever taken the time to drown you in ecstasy, focussing solely on your own pleasure, and the intimacy it brings from knowing that they are the only one to touch you like this? To please you in any and every way they know how, making you come over, and over, and over again for them and them alone?”

“Wooyoung,” your voice is breathless, an airy whimper of his name that he’s long since desperately craved to hear fall from your lips. Hearing it now sends a shiver down his spine, his cock twitching excitedly beneath his slacks.

“Because I would do it all in a heartbeat,” his voice is but a low growl on his lips, shifting once more so that he can nip at the skin of your ear, “and I would never expect anything in return.”

Your eyelids flutter closed, your breathing coming in shallow breaths as you attempt to control yourself for the time being. No one has ever said anything remotely like this to you before, and meant it so sincerely. A fact which just makes heat flood straight to your core, liquid fire burning in your veins. The fact that you believe him only adds to the amount of anticipation growing within you at this very moment.

Much to your disappointment, or perhaps relief, he’s pulling away from you while another pleased rumble escapes his chest.

“How about we save that for later, though,” he trails his fingers down your spine, caressing you tenderly as shivers follow in his wake. “Why don’t we start with you telling me about everything that you like? I cannot please you to the best of my abilities if you do not tell me how.”

Though, even without you saying anything, he can already tell the type of effect his words have had on you. You must absolutely adore when your lover is vocal, then. In every way possible, too - dirty talk, moans, groans, growls. Wooyoung is willing to bet you love praise, too, and heartfelt confessions during the moment, especially if your reactions now are anything to go by.

Still, anything and everything there is to know about you, he wants to find out. What better way, too, than to ask?

A moment later and you’re inhaling a shaky breath as your eyelids flutter opened once more. You take a few calming breaths to steady yourself, noticing how he continues to trail his fingers along the back of your spine comfortingly, the touch both soothing and sensual at the same time.

“No one’s-“ you swallow the dryness in your throat, “no one’s ever asked me that before.”

The admission feels like a condemnation as you clasp your hands in front of yourself while leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees. An image he recognizes from last week as he watches you curl in on yourself in embarrassment.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever cared enough to ask,” you say, your thumbs nervously rubbing over one another.

Immediately, his entire demeanour is shifting and the tension around the both of you lessons. Concern is on his features as his one hand stills on your back, the other reaching over to gently cup you chin using the tips of his fingers, guiding your gaze to meet his. The sincerity and love that you can see shining there has your breath hitching in your throat once more.

“I do.” His voice is firm as he stares deeply into your eyes. “I care. More than you’ll ever know.”

You smile faintly, heart racing in your chest at his words as you feel your entire body relax in his hold. Your eyes briefly glance down to his lips before a small, albeit hesitant, smirk is pulling at your own. “I didn’t think I’d need to explain the female gaze to you."

“The only female’s gaze who is important to me right now is your own, Beautiful.” He breathes out, his skin singing beneath his fingertips where his touches your own. “I want to know everything about you. I want to know what makes that pretty little mind of yours tick. I want to know your greatest desires, and I want to be the one to be able to fulfill them all.”

He swallows, licking his lips in the next moment as his voice drops, his eyes hooding over as his grip tightens against your back. “I want to know every single little thing that drives you crazy, and then I want to drown you in the deepest of pleasures so that you can feel my love, my passion for you in everything that I do. Every touch, every whisper is for you, and you alone. Please, never forget that.”

“Wooyoung,” again, the way you whisper his name, so tenderly as your one hand comes up to cup his cheek, has his eyes fluttering shut, a shaky breath escaping him as he leans into your touch. “I believe you.”

His heart is pounding in his chest, and he’s sure that you can feel it pulsing beneath your fingertips as he watches you begin to lean in. His eyes glance to your lips once more just as he knows yours do the same to his, his tongue darting out to wet them in the next second.

This is everything he’s ever wanted, and so much more. The only thing that would make this moment sweeter is hearing you say how badly you want to kiss him, just as he does to you right now.

Only, before the question of permission can escape his lips, a harsh clearing of somebody’s throat draws both of your attention to the side.

You practically fling yourself away from Wooyoung, and to the opposite end of the couch as you both turn to see Jongho standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

“No fucking in the library.” His voice is low, accusatory as he glares at his brother across from him.

“I wasn’t-“ you splutter, eyes wide in shock, “we weren’t-“

“Aw, come on, Jongie,” Wooyoung whines teasingly, “you ruin all the fun.”

Internally, though, Wooyoung is more than irritated with the younger male right now. He was this close to finally kissing you after simply dreaming about it for so long, and then Jongho had to go and ruin it for him. Ugh, Wooyoung could just scream.

From the pointed glare the younger sends him, too, a smug upturn of his lips as he takes a seat in the empty armchair across form the two of you, Wooyoung knows that Jongho’s doing this on purpose.

You little fucking shit. Wooyoung glares at him from across the way.

It’s not my fault you’re sitting in the place that I frequent the most. Jongho retorts, flipping open the book held in his hands quite exaggeratedly in the next second and pulling out his bookmark before beginning to read.

Wooyoung is so caught up in cussing his brother out mentally that he doesn’t even register that you’ve managed to recover much quicker than he has. In the next moment, an excited ‘oh’ is escaping you as you finally pull the photocards out of the other album you had unwrapped a little while ago.

Immediately, Jongho is glancing at you from over his book with a fond look in his eyes. “Who’d you get?”

“Jaehyun.” You smile to yourself, placing the inclusions all back into the album before reaching for the final two on the table.

Little do you notice the way both males seem to stiffen as soon as the admission is out of your mouth.

You mean that same bastard that broke her heart? Wooyoung nearly growls audibly.

At least we know which one he is now. Jongho adds.

“Who’s Jaehyun?” Before he can stop himself, the words are out of Wooyoung’s lips.

“Isn’t that just the million dollar question right there?” You sigh, shaking your head. “He’s just an idol I enjoy.”

“Enjoy how?” Jongho quirks his brow at you, doing his best to hide the snarl that pulls at his lips behind his raised book.

“In the same ways I enjoy the other idols I like, you weirdo,” you shoot him a suspicious look. “What are you expecting me to say? That I saw him every weekend for funsies until he broke my heart, and now I’m stuck in a sad bit of unrequited love pining after an idol I can never have?”

The snarls both men release are probably the most feral you have ever heard from them.

“Woah, okay,” you raise your hands, a semi-amused chuckle falling from your lips. “Reminded me not to joke about the idols I like around you guys anymore.” Then, more to yourself, “and here I thought the reaction to Kai and Taemin was bad.”

Wooyoung’s eyes flash at the mention of those two dancers, but specifically Taemin. There you go again, probably thinking about him when Wooyoung is right there, ready and willing to dance for you at a moment’s notice. Not to mention how he literally just admitted to being open to pleasing you whenever and wherever you wanted him to.

“We’re just…” Jongho searches for the right word, “concerned, given the fact that you told Yeosang and I that he broke your heart without a care.”

“Wait,” you blink at him, brow furrowing in the next second, “you thought I was serious about that? Did you also believe me when I said Samantha pushed me off the swings when we were five, and I scraped my knee?”

Jongho shoots you a bit of an irritated look.

“Darling, I wasn’t being serious.” You chuckle, and the use of the pet name has him instantly relaxing in his seat, unlike a certain demon beside you who only pouts at the fact that your attention is no longer on him for the moment.

“We just worry about you, Angel.” Wooyoung replies, a gentle tone to his voice as he looks towards you. “Knowing that you’ve been hurt before drives us insane because we haven’t been there to protect you.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Woo. I really do,” you shoot him a tender smile as you reach for the second last album you have yet to open. “But, you all won’t be able to protect me from everything. No matter how badly you may want to.”

“We can try.” Jongho mutters, flipping the page of his book rather pointedly.

You let out an amused huff, shaking your head in the next moment as a silence settles over the three of you. It’s neither tense, nor awkward as you finish opening the final two albums on the table, a smile painting your features as you manage to pull a few of your biases for Stray Kids, sending a quick pic to your friend as you’ve also pulled one of hers.

Immediately, she’s texting you back, saying she’ll trade you her Lee Know for the Bang Chan you’ve pulled. Of course, you immediately agree, a smile tugging at your lips as she sends you a meme imitating how you usually react to seeing Minho in general.

“Thighs, huh?” Wooyoung’s voice is teasing, the same lilt to his tone as there was when he inquired about a certain knife kink you may or may not have.

At this, Jongho shoots a quick look towards his brother from overtop of his book, sliding slightly downwards in his seat to extend his own legs outwards, emphasizing the thickness of his thighs as he spreads them slightly apart. He nearly smirks when Wooyoung sends him a mental image of that brief flash of your phone screen with a meme of a gold star with ‘goddamn, your thighs are just *positive grunting*’ printed on it beneath a message of your friend saying ‘you when you see Minho’s thighs’.

“Female gaze, remember?” You decide to tease back, a quirk to your brow as you quickly lock your phone before standing back to your feet. Not before sparing a quick glance at the way Jongho is now sitting, of course. In the next second, you’re turning to your shelves. “Now, the fun part!”

The next hour or so is spent integrating your new books and albums onto your shelves, fitting them in nicely where there’s space and moving some things around to categorize them how you like. The two males still keep you company, chatting with you idly to pass the time.

Wooyoung did offer to help at first, but you brushed him off, saying you were okay for now. You admitted you don’t really like other people touching your albums when you shift, because that way if you drop them, or damage them in any way, you have no one but yourself to blame. That is, until near the end of everything, when they hear you swear under your breath.

“Shit,” you sigh, looking back at the coffee table where the last few albums rest as you purposely hold the space open on the shelf for them. You turn to look at the two men already staring at you. “Can one of you-“ you immediately stop, recalling the way your sweater was torn in two by two other eager demons ready and willing to lend a helping hand. “Sunshine, can you please hand me those albums on the table?”

“Of course I can, Gorgeous!” Immediately, he’s hopping up from his spot, a large smile on his face as he reaches for the albums.

“Remember,” your smile is nothing short of threatening, “if you damage them in any way, I will damage you.”

Wooyoung falters for only a moment as he picks up the albums from the table. Then, a sultry grin is pulling at his lips at he walks over to you.

“Promise?” His voice is full of hope, his eyebrows raising at you expectantly.

“Wooyoung!” You gasp, clearly scandalized as your mouth parts in shock, hitting his arm lightly with your free hand as he comes to stand beside you. “I’m starting to think you’re a masochist.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jongho snorts from his seat, turning another page of his book as his brother shoots him a pointed look from over his shoulder.

Your eyes widen in understanding, a chuckle falling from your lips as you take the albums from Wooyoung’s hand to place them on the shelf before you. A moment later, you take a step back, admiring your work.

“Looks wonderful, Darling,” Jongho appears on your opposite side, hand finding purchase on your lower back as he looks over your shelves with you.

The best part is, you don’t move away, or brush off his touch like the last few times he had attempted to initiate contact with you.

You smile faintly, admiring the detailing of the library once more. Your heart swells in your chest as those all too familiar emotions of awe and gratitude flood your veins, eyes shining as they roam over the shelves of your collection.

“Oh, perfect timing,” you hear a voice from the doorway to your left. “Looks like you’ve just finished.”

Turning your head, you see both Mingi and Yeosang standing there with grins on their faces.

“I did,” you confirm, stepping back towards the table to grab the bag with all your garbage in it to clean it up, only to see it already gone.

“Great!” Mingi grins, sharing a look between his two other brothers standing just off to your right. “Yeosang and I have something to show you.”

“You do?” You blink in mild shock. “What is it?”

“It’s a surprise, My Dear,” Yeosang smiles at you, extending his hand out to you in invitation.

Instantly, you close the distance between the both of you, placing your hand in his. Yeosang wastes no time in interlocking your fingers together, leading you out of the library in the next second with the others following close behind.

Slowly, he leads you through the hallways and back to your own room. Only, you don’t recall closing your door when you left. Which is when you realize that the surprise must be inside, especially given the way Mingi giddily smiles at you when you spare him a glance over your shoulder.

You pause just outside the threshold, anticipation and excitement shining in both Yeosang’s and Mingi’s eyes as they watch you carefully. Both Jongho and Wooyoung stand just behind, also eager to see your reaction to their brother’s gifts. After all, your happiness brings them no greater sense of joy, or pride, especially when they are the cause of it.

“Go on, Starlight,” Mingi encourages softly with a nod of his head. “We’re right here.”

Carefully, you extend your free hand out to turn the handle, entering your room shortly after that. As soon as you cross the threshold, a gasp is escaping your lips.

“No fucking way,” your jaw drops, along with your hold on Yeosang’s hand as you see the giant Snorlax beanbag chair sitting off to the side, a black fuzzy lump curled up right in the centre of it.

The first step you take closer to the cushion is synonymous with the little furry lump’s raise of it’s head, and you cannot help but let your jaw drop. In the next second, an excited squeal is escaping your lips as you cover your mouth with both hands.

“Is that-“ you turn to look at both Mingi and Yeosang, eyes shining in awe. “Is that Kuroo?”

Mingi nods, eyes crinkling at the sides as he smiles widely at you.

At the soft mewl you hear, you turn your head just in time to see the little black kitten with the golden eyes jump off of the giant Snorlax and trot over to you. Happily, he rubs against your leg, beginning to purr quite loudly as you pick him up and hold him in your arms.

“Oh, yes, hello there,” you chuckle as Kuroo rubs his face all along your jaw and neck, purring all the while. “I’m happy to see you, too, Tetsurou.”

At the lick he gives your cheek, you giggle, and it’s one of the most melodic sounds the four men have had the pleasure of hearing, soft smiles adorning their faces as they take in the sight before them. What makes it even better is that in the next moment, you’re turning back around to face them, that look of wonder and awe directed directly at them.

“Which one of you-“ you briefly glance between Mingi and Yeosang.

“I did,” Mingi smiles once more, feeling his heart race as the bright expression is mirrored on your own face, directed straight at him. The fact that he feels you tenderly reach out with your mind to his own in this moment only makes it all the more sweeter.

“And the Snorlax?” You turn to look towards the shorter male standing right beside his brother knowingly.

“Was me, Dearest,” Yeosang nods in confirmation, a loving smile tugging at his features as you send one back. A fact which has Yeosang’s heart racing erratically in his chest.

You walk up to them, a warmth blooming in your chest as you take the time to meet each of their gazes.

“Thank you,” you breathe out, holding Kuroo securely in your one arm as you reach out to place a kiss onto Mingi’s cheek before turning to Yeosang and placing a lingering kiss onto his forehead. “The both of you.”

Mingi’s ears turn bright red, a giddy chuckle escaping him as he brings his one hand up to cover the cheek you’ve just graced with your lips. His fingers press lightly into his tingling skin, heart swelling with love for you and only you. He smiles wide, eyes crinkling naturally in response.

“Of course, Starlight,” his voice is barely above a whisper as he responds to you.

“We’re just glad you like the surprises we got for you,” Yeosang replies with a smile of his own, cheeks warming as he clasps his hands in front of himself almost bashfully.

He can feel his forehead tingling from where you’ve kissed him, and he couldn’t help but to notice how he’s the only one to have ever been graced such an intimacy with you. Sure, three of his other brothers have all received kisses on the cheek from you, but he’s the only one who has had your lips grace his forehead. Besides, if Yeosang didn’t know any better, he would swear that your lips lingered against his skin a little longer than the rest, too.

“I love them,” you reply earnestly, scratching happily at Kuroo’s chin as he continues to purr loudly in your arms. “Now, could one of you hold him? There’s an urgent matter I need to attend to.”

“Of course, Dearest,” Yeosang is already moving to take Kuroo from you without a second thought.

“Thank you,” you grin while handing the kitten over to Yeosang. “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment.”

All of the boys share a brief, curious glance with one another as they watch you walk right up to the Snorlax bean bag chair before flopping face first into it with your arms spread wide.

You let out a blissful sigh. “Yeah, this is the life.”

None of them can help the fond chuckles that escape them, projecting this happy memory immediately to the others who are more than willing to share in your joy, even if they’re not in the room. The way your legs seem to be kicking slightly in earnest behind you has warmth flooding their veins, jaws twinging from smiling so widely.

“I think I’m going to have a nap,” you call from over your shoulder, snuggling deeper into the plush comfort of the Snorlax beneath you. “This is way too comfortable to be legal.”

“We’re glad you’re enjoying yourself, Dearest,” you hear Yeosang reply from behind you.

“We’ll let you rest, then,” Jongho says, and you can hear the soft smile in his voice as they begin to exit your room.

Just as Mingi goes to shut your door like you normally do, your voice calling out to him stops him right in his tracks.

“You can leave the door open, Min,” you turn to look at him from over your shoulder and notice the way he freezes with his hand still holding the knob. You smile softly at him. “I don’t mind.”

Mingi nods gently back in acknowledgement, his eyes shining with something you can’t quite understand from this far away. He leaves only a moment later, but not before wishing you sweet dreams, an adoring smile on his features.

Little do you realize the significance of what leaving your door open for them means. The trust alone makes their hearts flutter in their chests, warmth flooding their veins as content rumbles build beneath the surface.

The opening of your door feels like the opening of your heart. To all of them. A fact of which they could not be more grateful for.

Turning back around, you adjust your position on the large plush beneath you, cradling your head beneath your arms as you let out a blissful sigh. Cuddling deeper into the cushion, you close your eyes, letting the darkness consume your thoughts and mind.

About an hour and a half later, your eyes are fluttering open, sleep still clinging to the corners. You yawn, stretching your limbs outwards like a cat would as you rub your neck. Next time, you should definitely grab a pillow or something for extra support.

Shifting slightly, you feel a small warmth at your side that mewls when you move.

A smile tugs at your features as you turn yourself around, allowing Kuroo to immediately crawl onto your chest and curl up into a little ball there. You fingers gently stroke through his fur, giving him soft, gentle scratches as he begins to purr once more. A few minutes later, and he’s fallen back asleep, perfectly content to lay on your chest.

Being stuck beneath a cat, or any animal like this, is never a bad thing. As your fingers continue to mindlessly pet Kuroo, it allows you time to think. All of the events from the past week and a day flood your mind, and that familiar warmth blossoms in your chest.

Despite the minor setback you had, and the major one with Miyeon, you do trust them. More than that, you appreciate their honesty. For, to you, it not only demonstrates the trust that they have in you, but also their respect.

Taking a deep breath in to steel your nerves, you decide it’s time to extend that same curtesy.

You drop your void.

It’s Yunho that notices first. Is everything alright, Petal?

Everything’s fine, you don’t need to panic. You reassure all of them. Don’t be popping up in my room suddenly, either.

Aw, darn, you hear Wooyoung jokingly complain. There go my plans for the evening.

Did you sleep well, Starlight? It’s Mingi’s voice that echoes through your head next, and you cannot help but smile softly, his concern easing some of the tension you can already feel building within.

I did. You hum. Thank you, Min.

You cannot see him, but you just know he’s smiling at you right now.

There’s, uh, actually something I wanted to share with you all. You begin, somewhat nervously. But I want you all to promise me not to come running. It’s nothing bad, I swear. I just don’t want to be crowded, and I’ve already received the comfort I needed at the time. I just- they can all hear you sigh, I just want you all to understand some things about me that I think you all deserve to know.

Did you kill someone? Perhaps it’s just you, but San sounds just a little too hopeful in his inquiry.

What? No! You immediately respond, and you notice how your shoulders relax from the distraction.

You smile softly to yourself as Kuroo stretches, curling deeper into your chest.

Whatever it is you would like to tell us, My Love, know that we are all ears. Hongjoong’s gentle tone resounds in your head, and you can feel the way he reaches out to you to caress your mind tenderly.

Thank you, Joongie, you reply, subconsciously leaning into his phantom touch.

Hongjoong nearly drops the dagger he had been sharpening in his hands. This is the first time you’ve ever referred to him with an affectionate name, and he wants to revel in it. His heart thunders, for more than one reason now.

One of you already knows what I’m about to share with you all, you begin and Seonghwa can already sense where this is going, but I need you all to promise me not to come running.

There’s a brief moment where you can practically feel them all agreeing with one another before one of them is speaking to you in your mind.

We promise, My Love. Hongjoong informs you, a lingering feeling tugging at the back of his mind as to what you might be about to share with them.

Okay. Good. You nod to yourself before continuing. You’ve all been honest with me this past week, and I want to extend that same curtesy to you. I am sharing this memory with you all because I trust you, and I feel comfortable enough to do so. It will hopefully shed a little bit of light on why things have been a little rough to start on my end.

You pause, and they all wait anxiously for your thoughts to return. They can feel the nervousness pouring off of you in waves, the uncertainty in your emotions clear as day. This is a big part of yourself you’re sharing with them, after all. The vulnerability alone is astounding, and each male recognizes that, even before you continue.

Whenever you’re ready, Dearest. Yeosang’s soft voice assures you, feeling him also reach out to caress you tenderly with his mind in the next second.

You lean into his touch more than you realize.

Immediately, all eight of them are plunged into your memory, unfamiliar to all, except two.

“Do you want to know why I reacted the way I did when that happened?” You seem to be sitting inside of Seonghwa’s tailor shop, said man sitting across from you with your sweater held firmly in his hands.

That’s when they all realize: this is what transpired between the both of you that day all those weeks ago. You are finally sharing this memory with them, a fact which could not make them happier as Seonghwa’s own words about this not being his memory to share with them rings through their ears.

Intently, they all listen, hearing your words wash over them as you explain your feelings to the eldest in your memories. Each cannot help the way their breaths hitch at hearing that you actually enjoyed Seonghwa’s ministrations that first day all those weeks ago. A fact which still takes the eldest’s breath away hearing it for the nth time in your shared memories.

The echoes of your conversation from earlier begin to flit through Wooyoung’s mind as he listens to you admit to everything in your memory. No wonder you were so tense when he pulled you into his lap today. No wonder you said what you did.

If each of them could, they would go back in time to comfort you right then and there, pulling you softly into their embrace and whispering sweet nothings into your ears. They would tell you that you have nothing to worry about. That they do want you. You, and only you. Yet, from where this is going, they know Seonghwa’s already beat them to it.

Mingi and San both drop the glasses in their hands as they hear you utter words that could not be more untrue in this memory of yours.

“It’s because I’m not- I’m not beautiful.”

Wooyoung falls to his knees in his room, mirrored exactly by how Yeosang collapses into a chair in his own at this admission. Yunho, who had been working on painting a bouquet of your favourite flowers, drops his brush, managing to spill his paint water all over the floor without even realizing. The book Jongho had gone back to reading tumbles to the floor, his whole body frozen in shock as your words reverberate through him.

The two eldest, who had both been expecting such an admission, are still not prepared for how harshly their hearts squeeze in their chests at hearing you say such an untrue thing once more in your memory.

Unbeknownst to you, tears spring to each male’s eyes, falling freely down their faces as your emotions within the memory wash over them.

The last glimpse they see of the memory is Seonghwa’s look of complete and utter bewilderment before he’s hissing out, “That is the filthiest lie that has ever fallen from your lips and you know it.”

A fact of which they all agree upon.

You end the memory there, choosing not to share with the seven men the words of comfort Seonghwa had given to you at the time. A sort of silence settles over all of you as you let the memory sink in. That is, until you’re breaking it.

Well, now you all know. Your voice is calmer than you feel, inhaling a shaky breath as you hold onto Kuroo’s soft body for support. Do with that what you will.

In the blink of an eye, you’ve closed your mind off to them once more.

San’s reaction is immediate, the sentiment echoed by nearly all of his brothers as he prepares himself for what he’s about to do.

I need to go to her. He’s about to transport to your room despite the promise they all made not to. Until Yeosang is appearing beside him and holding him back. Let me go! She needs me!

We all promised her we wouldn’t disturb her after this. Mingi reminds him mentally, even if he is also having a hard time not running to you immediately and pulling you into his arms, comforting every negative thought in that beautiful head of yours until they are no more.

This is not just difficult for you, San. Seonghwa reminds him.

Says you. Jongho is having a hard time keeping his breathing under control as more tears escape his eyes. You were there. You gave her comfort at the time, didn’t you?

Of course I did! Seonghwa’s response is immediate. Do you think that little of me, brother, that I would let the love of our lives believe such filthy lies about herself?

We never doubted your integrity, Hwa. Yunho wipes at his tears before moving to clean up the spilt water on there ground. Any one of us would have comforted her were we in that situation.

Did anyone else know? Yeosang finally manages to calm San down enough to sit him in a chair, the two clinging to each other practically for dear life as another sob escapes the younger’s throat.

A moment of silence as most of them deny knowing. All, except one.

Captain? It’s Mingi’s soft voice that asks.

I did. Hongjoong admits, staring intently at the dagger held in his hand. I overheard them talking that day, and concealed myself so Hwa wouldn’t know I was there.

When did you get there? Seonghwa asks, a slight frown pulling at his features. Only Hongjoong could sneak up on him like that. No wonder the younger entered the shop at the point he did, acting the way he did.

Shortly after she admitted that she enjoyed what had transpired between the both of you. Hongjoong tells them, twirling the blade slowly in his grip.

And neither of you told us? It’s Jongho who says it, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

It was not our memory to share. Seonghwa repeats his same words from days earlier.

We could have went to her. Wooyoung attempts to reason. We could have done something to lesson those worries in her mind.

I think we already have. Yeosang breathes, stroking a comforting hand through San’s hair as the younger demon finally calms down enough to speak.

She trusted us enough to share such emotions with us. San says, and they can hear the lingering tears still in his voice. She chose to share that memory with us.

All we can do now going forward is make sure that she never thinks - she never believes - such things to be true about herself. Yunho replies, eyes catching on the now dried out flower crown he has hanging on display at the side of his art room.

I’m sure whatever Seonghwa told her was what we all would have said in the moment. Yeosang adds.

It was. Hongjoong confirms. She believed it, too.

How do you know? San questions, genuine curiosity in his inquiry.

We felt it. Seonghwa answers for him. At least, I know I did.

A moment of silence as they all wipe at their lingering tears.

What are we going to do now? Mingi leans against the wall, supporting himself as he runs a hand through his hair.

We’re going to do what we promised her we would, and give her as much time and space she needs until she wants us to go to her, or she comes to one of us. Hongjoong responds. Until that time, just go back to whatever you were doing. Or do whatever you can to pass the time and take your mind off of things for now.

Echoes of agreement sound throughout each other’s minds, each male going off to do their own things to channel their feelings for the moment.

Immediately, Yunho is grabbing a fresh canvas, setting the one with the bouquet of your favourite flowers aside for the moment. If there’s one thing he knows he can do right now, is express himself through his art, and he knows exactly what he’s going to paint.

Grabbing a pencil to begin outlining the figure, a single tear escapes his eye once more.

Artistry be damned, Yunho is going to paint the most beautiful portrait of his life right now, and he doesn’t care if it takes him weeks to do it. By the time he’s done, he’ll have painted the exact way he sees you. A fact which he hopes will make you never question your unfathomable beauty again.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa loses himself in his shop. He grabs a fresh stencil, outlining a design for a new dress, this one even more extravagant than the rest. A brief thought crosses his mind, but he quickly shakes it away. He doesn’t think you’re ready for that type of gift from him, yet. Though, perhaps he’ll still start a set for you. After all, he only wants you to feel as beautiful as he’s always known you are.

By the time he’s done designing and fashioning you an entire outfit like this, you will finally be able to realize the royalty that you are. By the time he’s finished, he’ll make sure you both look and feel like a Queen.

Jongho, on the other hand, begins browsing through the stacks of poetry in the library. He’s always been better with words on paper than with speaking them, anyways. Besides, he’s more of a listener, and he loves listening to you, but perhaps this time, it’s better if you listen to what he has to say.

Pulling some books off of the shelf, Jongho is quick to grab a highlighter and a pen. Once he’s done, he will have compiled an entire library’s worth of quotes from his favourite poems and poets about how he feels about you, and of beauty, life, and love. He will quote them to you as you read them, repeating every annotation he adds in order for you to understand what you mean to him.

There is no greater part of himself that he can give to you than the pieces of his soul scattered throughout his favourite pieces of literature for you to find. For you, and only you.

San, Mingi, and Hongjoong all do what they normally do when they need to relieve some tension from their bodies. They spar, practice, and train.

Hongjoong focusses on throwing his knives, hitting each target and pretending that they are every single person who has ever made you feel less about yourself, or insignificant in some way. He imagines skinning everyone alive who has ever told you such lies and made you believe you are not the most beautiful thing to have ever walked this earth in decades. He only wishes he could kill all of your insecurities in the same ways.

Mingi and San spar with each other, a tangle of emotions and limbs as they clash their weapons against one another. Each male has tears still lining their eyes, not caring how rough or irrational they’re being with their attacks right now. The only thing on their minds is how best to comfort you when you call; how best to protect your mind from such horrid thoughts taking control again.

There are tears in Wooyoung’s eyes as he vents his frustrations out while in the dance studio, the speakers playing some of his favourite songs. Choreographies he’s made for you are second nature to him at this point as he runs through the dances again, and again, and again until he collapses onto the ground in a pile of sweat and tears. The sound of the music barely muffles his sobs, his mind reeling with both your shared memory and what happened with you earlier in the day.

Wooyoung doesn’t regret what he said or did earlier, no. He only wishes he knew. He wishes he could have controlled himself better, or even tried to brush against your mind to see if you would be open to sharing your thoughts in the moment.

He just doesn’t understand how you can’t see how precious you are to him. To all of them. He feels as if they’ve failed you, that he has failed you by not making you see how utterly stunning you are to him - to all of them. He’ll just have to find a way to show you; to make you believe you are both incredibly special and beautiful for the rest of your life.

At the same time, Yeosang finds himself in the music room, picking up the instrument that he loves so dearly. He spends a minute tuning it, making sure everything is properly in its place before bringing the small piece of carved wood and strings up to his shoulder. Raising the bow in the next second, he begins to paint a melody, letting the music guide him through his emotions.

The notes soon begin to flow together, blending into a hauntingly beautiful symphony that cascades around the room as his eyes flutter shut. He’s always had a way of getting lost in the music he creates, and when it now concerns you - the emotions you shared, the memory, and everything that you make him feel, Yeosang cannot help but to let the sombre notes ring out.

The song is hauntingly beautiful, reflecting every emotion that he’s feeling right now for you. The melody itself is you, embodied within his music - how he sees you, how you make him feel, what you do to him. Everything that you mean to him is put into the way he draws his bow across the strings, his fingers pressing into the neck of the violin as he plays this song for you.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s started, but by the time he hears footsteps approaching the room, the sun is beginning to set behind him. The warm hues of light filter through the large windows as he rounds out the melody, heartbeat racing erratically as he recognizes those soft footfalls to be yours, drawing closer and closer to the music room with each step.

His back is turned to you when you reach the open doorway, and he can feel your gaze staring intently at him as he lets the last note ring out through the air. Slowly, he lowers the instrument to his side, turning to face you in the next moment.

The moment his eyes meet yours, your breath hitches in your throat. The tender love and affection you can see shining there sets your heart racing. Not only that, but the clear concern, and empathy you can see lingering there, too, has a warmth spreading through your entire body.

You smile at him softly, an expression which he returns almost immediately.

“You play beautifully.” You comment, voice a bit airy as your breath escapes you in awe.

That single expression - and admission - is enough to knock the wind right out of his lungs.

“Thank you.” His voice is small, heart catching in his throat as you two stare at one another.

“How long have you been playing for?” There’s an excitement in your voice that he can hear you trying to contain for the moment. A fact which just makes him smile, palms suddenly becoming sweaty at you interest in his other passion.

“A millennia or so,” he admits, running his thumb lovingly over a string as he holds the violin at his side. “Give or take a few centuries.”

“Wow,” your eyes go wide, swallowing the sudden dryness in your throat. “Can I-“ you nervously shift from foot to foot, averting your gaze so sweetly. “May I watch you play?”

Yeosang nearly collapses on the spot. This is everything he’s always wanted, and so much more.

He clears his throat, a soft smile gracing his features as he meets your gaze, “I would be honoured.”

Slowly, carefully, he walks over to your form still standing in the doorway. Extending his free hand out to you in offering, he gently guides you into the room. Your touch, placed so delicately on top of his own, sends a pleasant shiver up his spine, his thumb brushing over the skin on the back of your hand.

“I, uh-“ he clears his throat, helping you sit down on the piano bench at the side of the room, “I actually have something that I would like to play for you. Would that be okay?”

Immediately, you nod your head, eyes lighting up as a smile adorns your features. “I would be honoured.”

It’s the way you repeat his very own words back to him, combined with the way you’re looking at him right now that has a feeling unlike any other spreading throughout his body. It’s a pleasant feeling, yes, but there’s also a lingering sense of nervousness that Yeosang has not felt when he’s played in years.

He says nothing, opting to place a lingering kiss onto your forehead instead before stepping away from you and taking his place once more in the centre of the room. The way he feels you brushing against his mind has him immediately latching onto that feeling, solidifying that connection so that you both won’t be disturbed by the others.

This moment is for the two of you, and the two of you only. Nothing will change that.

With the connection open like this, Yeosang is privy to all of your thoughts and emotions. He can sense the excitement strumming through your blood, making your pulse race beneath your delicate skin. He can feel the anticipation lingering in your mind, curious to hear the song that he wants to play for you. His only hope is that you like it, and that he can do such a song, given it’s meaning to you, justice.

He raises his instrument, bow at the ready, as he shoots you a final smile. A soft one being sent back from you almost instantly.

Taking a deep breath, Yeosang begins to play.

As soon as you hear the first notes echoing around the room, your whole body straightens in your spot. Your breath hitches in your throat, heart leaping in your chest as tears spring to your eyes. Immediately, your one hand comes up to cover your mouth while the other grasps at the jewel shining around your neck.

The beautiful sound of the melody of Rohan fills the air, flooding your senses and comforting you like a warm blanket on a cold day. Your absolute favourite violin melody.

You can feel your entire body trembling as the first of your tears begin to trail down your cheeks, your hands never leaving their positions for even a second. Chills wrack your body as goosebumps form over your skin, the meaning and significance of such a song washing over you in this very moment.

With each rise and fall of the notes, your breath hitches, sitting frozen to your spot as you watch Yeosang lose himself to the melody, his eyes having long since fallen shut.

It isn’t a very long song by any means, the simple melody only lasting a minute, maybe a minute and a half at most. However, the fact that he learned this for you, that he is playing this for you because he wants to, not because you asked him to, or he felt the need to, has your heart swelling in your chest.

More tears trail silently down your cheeks as the final notes ring out in the air between you. You wipe at your eyes, chest shaking as you inhale a breath, your emotions overwhelming you.

Every thought, every feeling, Yeosang understands. His mind is still connected to yours, so every fleeting emotion you felt during his performance, he felt, too. A fact which has his own heart thundering away in his chest as he’s over come by your awe, your gratitude, your wonder, your fondness, but more than all of that, a single emotion he’s never experienced from you before. An emotion that he doesn’t want to assume, or feel for too long, as he doesn’t want to get his hopes up before the time is due.

Wordlessly, you stand to your feet, drying your eyes with the back of your hands. You swallow the lump in your throat, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves.

“Yeosang,” the soft call of his name from your lips is like the gentlest of breezes caressing his skin after a long summer’s day. You begin to step towards him slowly. “Did you-“

You can hardly form the words, but he already knows exactly what you want to say. Even if you both already know the answer, you still want to hear him say it. You need to hear him say it.

“I did.” He breathes, allowing his arms to fall to his sides, his one hand holding both his violin and bow. “I learnt it for you.” A brief pause as he swallows. “I learned them all for you.”

All of your favourite songs. He taught himself all of your favourite songs on the violin for you.

You can hear your heartbeat echoing in your ears as you come to stand in front of him, tongue darting out to wet your lips. A movement, which you notice, that he catches.

Softly, your one hand comes up to caress the side of his face, eyes shining with all of the unspoken words you wish to convey. Not only that, but there’s such adoration and fondness shining there, that he cannot help but stare into them.

He leans into your touch, raising his free hand to gently place it over your own.

“Thank you,” you breathe out, caressing his cheek softly with your thumb. “Yeosang, thank you.”

It’s one of the greatest, most meaningful gifts you could ever give me.

His heart skips a beat in his chest, eyelids fluttering shut as he revels in both your touch, and your praise. Anything for you, Dearest.

Your lips part, glancing down at his own as you subconsciously step closer into him.

“Can I-“ your breath catches in your throat, hardly able to get the proper words out. “May I-“

“Yes,” Yeosang’s eyes are flinging open, a desperation you’ve never seen before shining within as he hears you pose the question in your mind. “Please, Dearest. Kiss me.”

Your lips are on his without another thought, your one hand moving to tangle in his hair as the other continues to cradle the side of his face tenderly in your palm. Without another thought, you deepen the kiss, pulling him in closer as he gently cradles the back of your head with his one hand, his opposite arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him.

Yeosang cannot help but let the pleased rumble that builds in his chest escape him as he feels you tug him closer into you. This is everything that he could have ever asked for, and so much more, especially when he hears the small whine escape your throat as he pulls away, teasingly tugging your lower lip between his teeth as he does so.

His eyes fall shut once more as you both lean your heads forward to rest against each other. Nothing can take this moment away from him, right here, right now, with you. He revels in the feeling of your hands against his skin, his lips still tingling with the ghost of yours as he attempts to catch his breath, along with you.

“Dearest,” his one hand tightens its hold on you as he pulls you impossibly closer, overcome by his own emotions for the moment as his lips tug upwards in a brilliant smile. “You are my entire world. There is nothing that I would never do for you. I am so in love with you, I fear I lack the words to describe such strong emotions. You are so unbelievable beautiful, kind, intelligent, and unquestionably perfect in every way. Please, never forget that.”

“Yeosang,” you breathe out his name once more, pulling away just enough to stare deeply into his eyes as a tender smile tugs at your features. A brief pause, until you’re uttering the words that have his heart racing once more in his chest, “I believe you.”

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itzgruvia · 9 months

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Gruvia fanfiction: hurt/comfort, sad and a little bit of fluff by the end.

Warning: mention of self-harm, depression, anxiety, bullying, and blood.

Original posted in AO3

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Juvia was never one to indulge herself into someone's personal business, unless she was asked for.

She was private herself, and she never wanted to ask for help or advice concerning her anxiety disorder, even if she deeply wanted to seek their comfort, but this isn't about Juvia.

it was about her only lover, her sweet man, and compassionate boyfriend.

Through out their intimacy and romantic relationship-which was still developing- they always tried to share their problems, their insecurities, it has been difficult for both, especially for a person like Gray, always wearing a ghost-like shield to separate his friends from his life.

Juvia could say the same thing about herself, mostly because she doesn't want to bother people.

But they went through this, they discussed about it and how they'll try to lean on each other when it gets too hard, and so far they have been showing a little bit of vulnerability.

At least that's what Juvia thought.

It was a late afternoon, Juvia was finally done with her classes and ready to join her friends in the FT salon room, and end the evening with a nap, she can feel a headache coming to upturn her night.

She wanted to take the stairs rather than the elevator, to get her legs pumping after sitting in the hard wooden chairs in her class, it makes her legs numb and uncomfortable, And once she was about to take the next stairs, she heard murmuring, two people were conversing in hushed tones. it didn't take her too long to realize who thery were.

Gray and Erza, of course no one can miss her orotund voice.

Juvia knows they were having a private conversation, something she shouldn't be listening to, but she couldn't budge from her crouching position ( how did she get to crouch in the first place?).

She wasn't jealous, she is very much confident about that, because she knows better than be jealous of Erza, and despite her overriding imagination and her traumatic past that deprived her from having any trust towards her new friends, she believed that Erza is better than a cheating friend. moreover, she wouldn't do this to Jellal, or Gray or to her.

But Juvia had a feeling that this might be something she had to hear, even if she'll feel guilty after it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Erza asked, rarely does Juvia get to hear worry laced in her voice.

"Yeah" Gray replied, although it took him a brief moment to do so. Matter of fact, she noticed how tired he got in the last few days, but she didn't worry too much about it, she assumed it might be university loads of assignments.

"You know you can talk to me about anything" she assured the boy, a weird sense of worrisome began to crawl over Juvia; why is she pushing him to speak up? must there be some history that Gray didn't bother to mention to her?

"I am alright Erza... trust me" he responded.

there was quietness for a moment, Juvia urged to take a little peak from where she is hiding but she doesn't want to risk being founded, it will cause problems and Gray might even be disgusted and break up with her and all her friends will find her weird and leave her alone like before-

her exaggerated overthinking stopped abruptly when she heard the rustling of fabrics.

she carefully leaned to see that Erza was rubbing his arm in comfort. It was all peculiar to her.... well maybe not new but unusual, especially to Gray, she isn't that affectionate compared to Natsu and Lucy.

Well, if Juvia were to be general, the Red haired woman was never this gentle with anyone but she has her motherly moments.

so this was very surprising for Juvia, and it made the worrying pit in her stomach stronger.

"If ... you have the idea of doin-"

" I am not going to do it" he retorted, in a rather sharp manner, he sighed after a moment.

"I swear it's nothing like that... I'm just tired" he added, less bothered than before.

"Alright... let me know when you need me, okay?" gripping his shoulder gently, Juvia could see the nod of her boyfriend; he agreed.

once they started to move, Juvia panicked for a second, if they do find her here she'll throw a bunch of stuttering words thus making her look like an idiot and ending her perfect romance.

but instead, they both agreed to take the elevator down to the common room ( which made her remember to go there as soon as she undress from her outfit), fortunately for her, she doesn't have to stand in an awkward anxiety inducing situation.

Once she heard their voices disappearing and the sound of the elevator, she slowly left her hiding place and ran upstairs to her dorm floor, all while her brain is racking through what she had heard.

Gray is hiding something from her and he doesn't want to tell her. That's one thing she is confident about.

But what she doesn't know is the content, what he is going through, is it bigger problem than she can imagine? She has never seen Erza that worried and particulary towards Gray.

it says a lot.

the loud chattering of her friends didn't distract her from her circling thoughts about Gray, he was sitting next her, their knees touching while arguing with Lucy about whatever topic that Juvia didn't bother to listen to.

She doesn't know if she should ask him about it, she feels like she might be pushing him into a corner and making him pour out his stress out and that's not something Gray is found of, she knew that by experience and she doesn't want to make the same mistake.

However, she is scared, what if ... it's a huge thing that concerns his life? She knows that Gray tasted that empty sense of life once when he was young, he told her that and Juvia cried by the end which made Gray nervous.

And what if Gray isn't happy? what if he doesn't want to ... go on anymore? she can't always trust his pretty smile, she can't be reassured by that even if she knows him by the back of her hand.

"Juvia?" her beloved's sexy! voice called out to her, while nudging her knee with his slightly. She snapped out of her haze, and looked at him.

he didn't look all worried but the usual frown on his face slightly changed, something that meant that he was observing her silent demeanor.

once she immediately set her eyes on his beautiful handsome face, she fought against the overthinking of hers. Gray would do that no more, not after what he told her; the fact that she was here with him and breathing with him was enough for him to continue living (his words not hers).

so maybe Juvia is overthinking it.

"what are you thinking about?" , he asked.

she blinked, feeling nervous after she got caught dazing in front of her friends, although she couldn't see Lucy in her spot anymore.

"it's nothing, just some assignments to do" she chuckled to hide the nervousness from her voice, but she knows that she failed just by forcing that small laugh from her lips.

Gray kept looking at her, an invitation to vent about whatever is eating her up, but Juvia doesn't know how she can bring forth a subject that concerns him, plus how can she tell him that she was eavesdropping into a private conversation?

.... it's not like she followed them, it was a coincidence.

However, if she stores this worry to herself, it will haunt her tonight, and she has an assignment test tomorrow, she can't afford to go without sleep in her system (not like she never done that before).

Maybe stating it at first won't make it a problem.

"well... I heard something today" she began, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

Gray leaned on his arms, his elbows on top of his knees, she felt a little bit comfortable talking with the fond gaze that he is wearing in his face.

"I accidentally heard you and Erza talk about something today, in the staircase.." she told him, not daring to look at his eyes.

"Juvia didn't mean to first of all, but based on the conversation, Juvia is feeling a little bit worried about you..."

she finally glanced at him and she felt the anxiety pile up in her stomach.

Gray's face was... conflicting, like he was scared but he is masking it with anger.

" you were eavesdropping? what the hell Juvia-"

"Juvia wasn't! I was taking the stairs!"

"you never take the stairs!"

"i do when I want to walk!" Juvia never wanted to raise her voice at her beloved, but the way he is taking the conversation was ... nerving, as if he is accusing her of discovering a secret door that holds his deepest scars.

he got up from the coach, ready to leave the conversation, running away from it.

"My love, Juvia was just asking!" Juvia tried to follow after him.

"don't ask questions I won't answer Juvia!" he looked back, harsh expression covering the fear in his eyes.

Juvia gathered a moment to breath in, she doesn't want her anger to control her emotion, but it made her feel so unfair, it was so unfair that she got to share her deepest scars, her trauma, her fear, her joy, her sadness.

and he offered her everything, so why is he pushing her away?

" what is it that you are hiding from me?" she asked quietly.

" I don't need to tell you"

"that's so unfair!" she yelled, her fists clenched from her sides, and she finally blurted it out, in she failed on keep her emotions controlled.

she can see her friends coming through the entrance door, concerned over the raised voices. It is actually way more concerning when it's the rarest couples who fight.

Gray looked taken back by Juvia's tone. She rarely does that to anyone, but if she did it towards him, it indicates that there's something bigger.

"i always reach out to you, even when I am afraid" she continued, she felt her face heat up like a furnace.

" so what are you afraid of?"

the question triggered something in Gray. She can see his usual frown vanish from his face, and for a moment she saw him scared, as if she caught a glimpse over his past self.

but Gray clenched his jaw and turned around to leave, Cana and Lucy didn't try to reach out to him, they just let him leave with their mouth agape from what they've witnessed.

Juvia felt the frustration hitting her at once, clenching her hair tightly, she can sense the painful clutch.

she fell back into the couch, huffing in disappointment.

It turns out asking him was a problem.

Gray is hating himself, no matter how much he blasts the music into his ears, it couldn't block the loud noises in his head.

he admits that this was the worst fight he ever had with Juvia, everything was sudden to him, like a slap to his face, Juvia never yelled at him with anger, actually, she never yelled at anyone before.

but it's his fault anyways, he was defensive because he was a coward, who didn't want to show his scars to her. how could he? Juvia was a gentle soul although she always tries to deny it with her past "Shameful acts" of whatever, but everyone has their own piece of tainted wrongdoings.

Gray doesn't care if she killed someone before, she is still that blinding sunlight that engulfs his cold chest with warmth.

and he is afraid that if he pulls up his sweater and shows what he did to his wrists will make her see him in a different way, whether with disgust, fear, or pity.

he had seen those people before. he met them, and he was friends with them before they stripped him from his secret self-harming and pulled down their masks to reveal their true colors.

pity, disgust, fear...

if only Erza hadn't stopped him in the staircase, if only she wasn't so frightened-

Gray sighed, he pulled his headphones away from his ears.

no he thought, here's no one else to blame but me.

come to think of it, Erza had the right to ask him about his wellbeing, he kind of found it hard to keep on the same damned routine of university, and on top of that the unnecessary load of assignments he has to do, it makes him anxious just the thought of them.

but it doesn't matter now, he had another problem to fix...

Gray was never a fan of communication, and after today? he can sure label himself as the worst at communication, he shouldn't have yelled at her, he shouldn't have looked at her that way, she deserves better.

maybe if he could just end it.

"when you face a problem with someone you love, you harvest your self-hater and think that people deserve much better than you do, and then you end everything."

she heard him coming closer to her place, where she is swinging her legs from the rooftop. She would have been terrified if there wasn't another rooftop built right under it, so the fear of breaking a leg or two from a fall is impossible to happen.

she felt a heavy weight over her body, warmth embraced her as she slowly tugged the coat with her fingers, although she wasn't feeling the cold.

she saw from the corner of her eye,Gray shifting his position over the railing of the roof, leaving his legs dangling similarly as hers. she didn't have the courage to look at his face again, which made her frustrated to death, because the silence hanging between them was driving her mad.

should she say something? should she start by apologizing? she could if the heavy lump didn't pressure her from forming words.

"I'm sorry", she heard him say, oh so softly that made her heart hammer with speed.

why should he apologize when she started this whole mess? she opened her lips to argue against who's fault it was, but he beat her into it, " I didn't mean to yell at you"

Juvia finally turned her head to look at him, he was avoiding her eyes and instead looking blowing them, his black messy hair was moved by the wind of the season, and it made him look so ethereal.

she shook her head instead and looked below them as well. She noticed a small creature-probably a squirell- settling himself in one of the tree branches, enjoying his treat.

"Juvia is the one who is sorry, I shouldn't have listened to your conversation.."

" I could have just explained what you heard instead", this time their eyes locked at each other, she feels the heavy awkward air began to shift away alongside the wind.

she would be lying if she said that she wasn't curious about their conversation because she knows that if they don't discuss it right now she will be left with a sleepless night, yet she doesn't want to push him into pouring down his scars if he doesn't want to.

"Juvia doesn't want to pressure you-"

"I want to."

he interrupted her, and Juvia doesn't have a choice but to listen and give in into her curiosity impulse.

Gray took a breath, and Juvia felt the nervousness seeping from him, so she hesitantly offered her hand towards him, she doesn't know if he is comfortable about it or not, so an offering is better than a bold move, like she usually does.

He looked surprisingly at her hand and smiled slightly, grabbing her hand while interlocking their fingers together, "you usually just hold it, why are you being polite?" he said, pointing out the fact that she is impolite when it comes to showing her affection towards him.

Juvia snort:" for now I'll be polite "

she grasped his hand for reassurance, and smiled at him.

"well.." he began, "since you know that I didn't enjoy my life in Korea, and that I had to work a lot and study everyday like some slave, and why my mental health was dropping all the way down" , he stopped for a moment, breathing in through his nose, and exhaling; and Juvia waited patiently, she could even wait for ages she won't mind.

"I used something so I won't try and kill myself"

Juvia's worrying pit started expanding, making her whole body tense with the thoughts running over her head about her beloved hurting himself.

" I used to self-harm."

the blue-haired girl remembers the feeling of being absorbed by fear, how her whole body freezes whenever she encounters a crowd, how the fright will make her shiver non-stop and her mind draws blank. She is familiar with this.

but she never felt fear choking her being like right now.

self-harm.

just the thought of seeing her lover sinking those sharp razors to his wrist so he wouldn't try suicide as an option, she felt like crying.

Gray broke the eye contact between each other, realizing how much of a shock that might have been to her, she can sense how tightly he is holding her hand right now, as if she would run away from him any moment.

"i am sorry" he apologized, he looked dejected, and Juvia could maybe see a glimpse of his old self.

but why is he apologizing? does he think that she'll run away out of disgust from what he suffered? does he think that Juvia would leave him because he had other means to keep himself from dying?

"Do you think that Juvia will leave you?" Gray didn't glance at her, so she grabbed his chin with her hand, turning his head to look at his grey eyes, they were red, ready to brim with tears. "This isn't your fault, and ju via wouldn't even think of leaving your side after opening up to me."

she can feel the tone of her voice quiver, but she held it because her sweet lover man is the one who has the right to tear about it, not her, no matter how much she wants to.

"you are very brave my love." she said softly, cradling his cheek, which were cold under her hand. she knows that he won't believe it, not now at least, it might need time for him to realize how courageous and strong he is, she is aware that he went through this all alone.

"i am not going to leave you alone, Juvia promises on her life."

the lid broke and everything in it scattered out.

Gray cried silently, and Juvia brought his head into her chest, to cradle him from all the pain and the danger of the world, she can sense her own tears ready to fall like a rain shower.

they held each other tightly under the glimmer of the stars and the dark sky, while the whistles of the wind gave them a bittersweet shiver, but all they could feel was each other's warmth.

Gray wants to not give in into his self-blame tendency, and while it's hard, opening up to Juvia made him feel that something clicked, like a puzzle joining to fill a whole picture.

Juvia completes him.

and so they cried, their fingers still locked together and the time passed not knowing for how long they were in each other's embrace. and nobody broke their heartfelt moment.

#gruvia #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gray x juvia #fanfiction #attempt of writing #fairy tail #this fanfic lowkey has a universe i made by myself #wink wink

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lilbluebastard · 1 month

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Clara’s re-design and more about her! Sorry I got carried away :< (also she’s not bald I just didn’t give her a lot of hair so that I could draw her face! I hope everyone likes her 😭 okay I’m done for a bit my fingers and wrist hurt for, drawing

-personality

She’s a snobby up tight rich girl, she’s a whiney crybaby and a absolute bitch at times, but she can be generous and sweet (if your not paparazzi) she’s old school and classy , her anger and sass comes from her mother and her gentle nature she gets from her father, loves attention

-face

Has brown eyes and dirty blonde hair, a large burn on the right side of her face (missing an eye do to infection) a long scar across her nose ending at her left cheek , wears a lot of make up on the left side of her face to hopefully distract other from her injury (injure caused by ex-husband)

-body

Is originally slightly curvy but her tummy is being tucked in underneath a very tight black and red dress corset, wears a tan button up shirt with red bows covering her dress (took heavy inspiration from gooseberry) wears tan stockings that are cut and sliced open by her knife, her thigh is littered in scars from accidentally cutting herself when she uses her knife, walks with a limp do to missing a heel (she’s still looking for it)

-bit of backstory

she was a daddy’s girl but her mother didn’t want her “princess” working on her grandparents icky farm so, her mother Lilith signed her 3 year old daughter up for pageants!…..her Mike (her father) wasnt cool with the idea, he wanted his daughter to make her own choices and do what makes her happy not what makes her mother happy, soon as Clara got older her mother got stricter and stricter watching Clara’s diet calling her 11 year old daughter a pig if she had one sweet treat, by the time Clara turned 13 Clara was extremely sick from her mother starving her, so Mike took her away to hopefully save her at his mothers farm but Lilith called the cops telling the, her daughter had been kidnapped by a strange man on a horse (her family lived on the outskirts of New York her grandparents farm was only a couple of miles away, they owned a horse that Clara named jammy toast when she was 4), Mike wanted his daughter away from that mad woman he called his wife but sadly the cops caught up to them, shoot jammy toast and her father making the horse trip and throw them, Clara only had broken a rib but her father had been shot in the chest and had broken his neck, the horse survived but had to be sent back to her grandparents farm. Clara watched the life drain for her fathers eyes as he gagged on his own blood, Clara had to go to therapy for years but! As soon as she turned 18 she was offered a job at her favorite jazz club to sing and perform and as years and years went on, she turned freshly 23 and was the biggest star in the show! Everyone loved her and she loved them! (Well except for the creepy ones) but then she met her husband Luther and they got married perhaps to fast at the wedding her grandmother gave her a gift….it was a hand made knife made by her father. A beautifully decorated wooden body and the knife was perfect, gorgeous sharpened silver fluffy animal hide on the hand and a thick blue leather handle to help with grip, she loved the knife she took it everywhere showed it to her bouncer Henry but dare she never used it! Oh no no but on night she didn’t have a choice, Luther was pissed him and Clara weren’t intimate anymore, she tired to explain she wasn’t feeling it…she really wasn’t….she had felt off after seeing people mysterious going missing, she felt sad no one cared…why did no one care?, but her mother had passed away not to long ago she felt bad because she didn’t go to her funeral and it was eating at her these past two week, stalling her and Luther’s intimacy. Luther did the unthinkable and smashed a burning hot pan against her face ripped off her skin and blinding her right eye. She in a fit of hurt rage and fear grabbing the knife her father gave her, shoved it in his throat twisted it around and tearing his head clean off…….then things only got worse people were disgusted by her and she ended anything that didn’t love her, Henry despite putting himself at risk stayed with her to protect her, she was like his sister and cared to much to leave her alone. One night at a bar Clara was drinking herself away when a simple man appeared beside her, claiming he noticed her from her performing days, he told her how much he loved her work and her singer. They chatted and chatted and he finally convinced her to join the charity……to help criminals become better people, but the now she works for murkoff.

I wrote a lot I’m so sorry 😭

#outlast trials #the outlast trials #outlast #oc #my oc #my oc stuff #prime asset oc #prime asset #my art <3 #my art stuff #my artwork #lilbluebastard

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murdermuffins · 1 year

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Lord knows nobody gives a shit but I’m thinking about unrequited love Agent 32 + A bunch of scenarios and headcanons I’m actually so sorry if these are bad

-Agent 8 was set up to be roommates with Agent 4 by Marie. Agent 4 isn’t originally from inkopolis anyways so they already had to pay rent for her apartment. Agent 8 is also new to inkopolis and the world outside of the metro in general so Marie thinks it’s a good match.

-Agent 4 has never met anyone like agent 8 in her life and is immediately lovestruck, especially hearing about all the things she’s done. So cool!

-Agent 8 is happy to meet her, but mostly enamored with inkopolis apartment architecture. She expected something… cooler

-Agent 4 does not have a tv. There is hardly any furniture, just books, squid comics, and a twin bed. However, everything is clean.

-Agent 4 is a huge geek despite not watching any television. After becoming an agent she regularly poses like a superhero in her mirror. Ooh she thinks she’s so cool.

-Agent 8 is enthusiastic to introduce herself to Agent 4 after accepting that this apartment must be an exception and tries greeting her with cool inkopolis slang. Agent 4 has no idea what she’s trying to say because it’s all so literal.

-Agent 4 is also severely underdressed for their first meeting. She’s wearing a crustwear XL t shirt and is covered in crumbs from chips. Marie did not give much of a warning.

-Agent 4 and 8 quickly become friends after living with each other for awhile. Agent 4 educates 8 on inkopolis pop culture through manga and classic squidature. Agent 8 helps 4 with anything combat related because she’s a million times more competent. Never judges 4. 3 judges heavy, but is still a good captain.

-Agent 3 and 8 are regularly asked for exclusively on missions and 4 just pouts at home. Very jealous of the captain. Marie and Neo 3 come over to keep her company sometimes, but she misses 8.

-unrelated, but Neo 3 is the youngest agent so I like to believe everyone just babies them and they hate it. They feel extremely grown up, especially after everything they’ve seen, but they’re just a kid with a little buddy. 4 is annoying about being older, referencing it constantly and convinced she knows more. 8 is very influential and sisterly, like Marina was to her (plus she loves little buddy and lets him have 4’s snacks.) Captain treats Neo like an adult for the most part, but is very protective internally. Captain takes Neo on surprise mall visits sometimes so they can buy a bunch of punk-type clothes and accessories.

-Agent 8 and 3 are definitely meant to be, but it breaks 4’s heart. Gets pissy when captain comes over with gifts, sneers about how the captain doesn’t shower and probably lives in her own filth. She doesn’t express those feelings much around 8, because she can tell how happy 3 makes her. Sigh..

-Marie is a supportive figure, being one of the only people 4 can rant to. Sometimes her advice is too blunt and mean that it doesn’t help. Callie is there to hit her when she gets too honest and come in with the reminders of hopes and dreams.

-There are nights when 4 cries in her awful twin bed and listens to sad music when 8 is out on missions. She’s actually pretty lonely. She feels insecure about her role as an agent pretty often as well. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about her the way they talk about the captain or 8? Isn’t she important too?

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splat3 #agent 3 #agent 4 #agent 8 #captain 3 #headcanon #neo agent 3 #little buddy #squid sisters #off the hook #splatoon headcanon

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demdifferentstories-29 · 1 year

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Timelines (Doctor Who (2005) fanfiction)

Story Summary

In Pete's World, Rose has a dream about New Year's 2005 and the Doctor tells her why.

1/1 chapters. For the Tentoo x Rose Microfic Challenge; @tentoorosemicrofics

Prompts: Memories; nightgown; worry.

Rating: General

Pairing: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler

Word Count: 1373

Chapter Content/Tags: Dreams; memories; regeneration; hurt/comfort; angst; married couple.

Link (AO3), or read below!

Story

In a cosy little flat not too far from the bustling city, the heart and soul of London, the lights are off and the home is still. Shoes and coats discarded at the door lead to a pristine kitchen and dining table after an evening of cooking and eating, which opposes the living room which is suspended in time with blankets strewn across the couch and an empty packet of jelly babies sitting on the coffee table. Further down the hall is where the master bedroom resides, and in a queen-sized bed, the occupants of this small yet dearly loved residence are tangled in a cuddle. Legs threaded through each other, a back pressed against a chest, a nose buried in the crook of a neck, arms wrapped tightly around a torso, and gentle, slow, rhythmic breaths passing through thin cotton to warm the skin beneath.

The Doctor, per usual, is the big spoon to Rose Tyler’s little spoon. He is very rarely the one to be held in these circumstances, but it is something he doesn’t complain about nor care for. After everything he has been through with his precious girl, he savours any and every opportunity to hold her and ground himself to her body—a simple, yet such a powerful, reminder that this reality is not a conjuring or trickery of the mind.

He was born from the disembodied hand of his full-Time Lord self and had spliced into this partly human counterpart. He is living with Rose in a parallel world and is living the life he could only have dreamed of when he had first met his pink-and-yellow human. They are in love, ferociously so, and are making the most of this blessed opportunity they had been granted.

In his sleep, he sighs happily as the hand that is completely human and original slips beneath Rose’s nightgown from where it rests on her stomach and caresses her soft, warm skin, the slightly cool complexion of the metal band wrapped around his ring finger making his wife shiver subconsciously.

In Rose’s sleep, the now older Defender of Earth who is almost thirty, she often shudders to think, furrows her brow deeply and begins to tense up all over. Not because of her husband’s wandering and cheeky hand. Rather, her mind is starting to play images and memories in her dreams that are not familiar.

She knows a few key details—she’s eighteen in this dream because it’s New Year’s two-thousand-and-five, most definitely in the early hours of the fresh year. She’s at the Powell Estate, and Jackie has just left her after a conversation that feels like the roles of mother and daughter have been swapped. These moments she recognises, remembering the cold nip of the snowy air against her cheeks and fingertips; the desperation she feels to get back into the warmth of the flat; the quiet promise she had made to herself at midnight to have a better year after the fiasco that had been two-thousand-and-four courtesy of Jimmy Stone and a few bad mistakes.

But why is he here, she is asking herself as his pained, winded groan captures her attention. Her dream self doesn’t recognise him, but her disembodied conscious does. Why does he look so sad, so wistful as his chocolate eyes gaze upon her lovingly? Why does he hesitate and speak so vaguely?

Rose gasps and shoots up from slumber without warning, tearing herself out of the Doctor’s arms as her body and mind panic, the memory vividly playing before her in her mind. This wasn’t a dream or modulation and she knows it—this had actually happened. The previous version of that event slips away from her mind like quicksand and the new alterations fill in the gaps. Seeing the Northerner, blue-eyed Doctor regenerate into the man she is married to is a memory that has a layer of bewilderment and familiarity to it now, recognising the younger complexion as the drunkard who told her she was going to have a great year.

What was happening?

“Rose!” her husband exclaims, sitting up with her and wrapping his hands around her shoulders comfortingly. “What is it, love?” he soothes, trying to capture her eyes and attention, brow knotted in deep concern and worry for his beloved.

“You…” she whispers, turning her head to him with tears in her eyes. His singular heart churns and breaks at the sight. “You visited me before we met… in two-thousand-and-five.” His furrowed brow turns from anxious to confused. He hadn’t—it was a simple fact. He had stumbled upon his Rose in Henrick’s; saved her life and changed the course of their timelines for good.

“No, sweetheart—I didn’t,” he counters as politely and gently as possible, rubbing her bare arms and tucking loose hairs behind her ear. He searches her glassy and terrified eyes, trying to ground her in their world. Perhaps she’s had a bad dream, he muses. Memories and fantasy blending together. “There’s no reason…” he begins, but pauses as he thinks about the situation deeper. His face falls into a solemn look as he considers and accepts his theory. “Oh,” he murmurs, enlightened.

“What?” she questions, now her turn to look confused. The Doctor draws in a slow breath, taking one of her hands into his and squeezing gently. He hates having to tell her this, to break the news, but one of the vows he had made to her was that he would never lie to her; never keep her in the dark about anything.

“He’s regenerating,” he elaborates with an empathetic frown. She seizes up a little, quietly devastated to hear this. She knows the Time Lord is afraid to move on from his current form, to change and become a new man, but it is a necessary evil. She reflects on everything for a moment and comes to her own conclusions. If this memory came to her new and altered tonight, and if he was just as upset as he appeared in her mind…

“And… and he’s alone?” she guesses, her voice thick with tension and coming out in a slight croak. He nods, drawing his lips into a thin line. A few tears trickle down her cheeks, her heart aching for the man she loves. His twin draws her into an embrace, rolling tender, comforting circles into her back.

“I know…” he coos, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. He thinks back to the regenerations he experienced during his nine-hundred years of living and shudders at the thought of doing it alone. “He’ll be okay. He’ll find someone,” he assures her, another kiss to her temple. She pulls back from him, staring at him with wet, red eyes. He frowns at the sight and cups her cheek lovingly.

“At least… at least he lives on in you,” she manages to blubber out, offering a trembling smile that he reciprocates as tears of his own spring to life. “I’m so glad your hand got cut off that Christmas,” she laughs, which he chuckles at as well, brushing away the wetness that begins to fall down his face.

“I am too,” he whispers before kissing her softly, smoothing away the last of her tears. She does the same to him. They pull back after a moment and rest their foreheads against each other’s, grinning softly in the darkness of their bedroom and just holding each other’s hands.

“Do… do you think he knows how happy he got to be in this world?” she mumbles.

“Oh, of course, he does,” he hums, nuzzling his nose against hers. “I daydreamed about the possibilities of being with you every day, and I’m sure that after he left he thought about all of those hopes and desires and realised that in another universe he’s living out those fantasies every minute he spends with you,” he explains softly, so quietly as he runs his thumb against her skin. “I’m certain that he gets to live in peace with that knowledge.”

“Okay,” she murmurs, stealing another kiss. “Back to sleep?” she suggests.

“I think so,” he agrees, bundling her into his arms once their backs hit the mattress and drifting back to slumber.

#doctor who fanfiction #ao3fic #ao3 works #read on ao3 #doctorrose #cross posted on ao3 #ao3 link #timepetals #ao3 author #metacrisisdoctorrose #tenrose #tentoo x rose microfic challenge

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glitterpensupremacy · 4 months

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Alright, breaking out of my procrastination bubble to finally do:

Alya MTS!

As per usual, the four categories:

1. General Info

2. Personality

3. Key Relationships

4. Character Growth

1. General Info

I kinda feel like I should preface this with a massive “hear me out”, because her character goes in a VERY different direction from most Alyas.

Not only does she only become Marinette’s best friend at the end of season 2 (as both characters have a lot they need to do first), but “Alya the fangirl” isn’t really a part of her MTS character. She still runs a blog, but it probably won’t be titled “The Ladyblog” (which is sad, because that name is ICONIC), because she focuses on the two heroes pretty equally, and doesn’t want to seem “unprofessional”.

Basically, we took the “Alya is sometimes presented as the practical voice of reason character” and “Alya initially wants to find Ladybug’s identity”, along with the MTS LB and CN getting into some mishaps early in their career, and made her much more skeptical and critical of the heroes. She doesn’t think the safety of the city should be placed in the hands of two strange teenagers (she especially doesn’t trust Chat Noir, since his power is pretty dangerous and he’s pretty reckless with it at first) and wants to find out all of their secrets. Is she in the right? Not completely, but she isn’t 100% wrong to have criticisms of the heroes either.

She fills a pretty interesting role in the earlier portion of the show, where she is technically an (initial) antagonist to the heroes, but isn’t a bad person (in fact, she’s fairly altruistic), as a contrast to Chloe (Marinette’s initial civilian antagonist) and Felix (Adrien’s initial civilian antagonist) who are more morally grey/not concerned with doing “the right thing”.

This is also a bit more of a minor note, but while Alya’s family still moved to France from Martinique, they did so much earlier than they did in the original, (likely when Alya was around ten), so she has lived in France for a few years now.

2. Personality

As I mentioned, this iteration of Alya is a bit more grounded, and tries to be logical and mature. She cares a lot about morality, ethics, and safety, with helping people being her top priority. Her fixation on the truth extends to this, as she believes that knowledge is the only way people can take care of themselves. She’s still very passionate, but tries to direct her energy into trying to be a “legitimate journalist” and often forgets to just let herself be a kid.

Her viewpoints do lack a bit of nuance at first, as she doesn’t realize how important secrets can be, and can get a bit too caught up in her own judgments (in hindsight, MTS Marinette is a lot more understanding than her canon counterpart due to her new backstory, while MTS Alya is kind of the reverse). It’s worth noting that a lot of Alya’s more intense traits are amplified by her fear. Having your city bombarded with demon butterfly possessed supervillains with your only source of protection being mysterious animal-themed teenagers with overwhelming power isn’t very good for your mental health.

Because of these fixations, she often struggles with the more “normal teenager stuff” like friendships and romance. Her blunt nature also makes it difficult to socialize, but her earnest, loyal, honest, and slightly awkward demeanor make her quite endearing once you get to know her (this might not be completely essential to one’s understanding of her character, but MTS Alya does fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum).

3. Key Relationships

Marinette: These two have occasionally crossed paths in their more recent years (Nora would frequently take Alya with her to the same gym Kim and Marinette go to together), but never really noticed each other until now. Alya mostly sees Marinette as the kind but nervous girl who sits next to her, and is especially worried about her safety after Alya realizes that her “new best friend” Lila is bad news. Marinette is still pretty nervous about Alya finding out she’s Ladybug (although she’s stopped trying to find out the heroes’ identities at this point). After the two (unknowingly on Alya’s part) take down Lila and stop her villainy, the two become proper friends. Marinette helps Alya get more accustomed to the more casual aspects of being a teenager, and Alya helps Marinette begin to recover from her friendship issues. They help each other let their guard a bit more, despite both being such high strung individuals.

Nino: Unlike the original show, Alya and Nino never have a romantic relationship (no hate on DJ-WiFi, the MTS iterations of their characters just aren’t compatible romantically; believe me, we tried!) but do form a strong bond nonetheless. They do get to a rocky start (as Nino mistakens Rena Rouge for Volpina and tries to take her down as Carapace), but after better understanding each other, they team up and build a friendship. Nino makes Alya realize that she doesn’t have to be responsible for everything 24/7, while Alya shows him the importance of putting more effort into things (besides his brother and heroing). Their differing personalities balance each other really well, and while they aren’t hero partners (Nino’s a lone turtle), they work really well as a team.

Chloe: They start off with a small rivalry (which I alluded to in my Chloe post), but quickly form a common enemy. That, alongside Chloe’s arc about caring for others as an actual hero, and Alya’s arc about being more patient with others, and they have a lot to offer each other. For these reasons (and then being the only two heroes with public identities), they are a superhero duo much like Ladybug and Chat Noir. Though Alya gradually accepts Chloe’s dramatics, she doesn’t tolerate her slacking off or making things about herself during an active threat to the city (has the energy of “she’ll fix herself if she knows what’s good for her”). That being said, she does come to enjoy Chloe’s peppy nature and (surprising) ability to be supportive. (However, Chloe’s attempts to get Alya to take “spa days” with her and “treat herself” are met with a mixed reception!)

Lila: Fox versus Fox, Lila and Alya are full-on archenemies. It starts out with Alya simply getting slightly off-putting vibes from Lila, but when she discovers she’s Volpina (after managing to obtain her miraculous that got lost in a fight), she does everything in her power to get her exposed. Likewise, Lila is doing everything she can to get her miraculous back and ruin Alya’s life while she’s at it. Lila coming off as a sweet girl with a lot of friends while Alya’s initial hostility to the heroes and accidentally jarring personality do stack the odds in Lila’s favor, often leading to severe consequences, but Alya is eventually able to team up with the other heroes to take her down. Though Lila is taken into custody, she manages to escape with a dangerous vendetta against Alya…

Other key relationships include her family (particularly Nora and her mom), the heroes (duh), and Zoe.

4. Character Growth

Her main arc is pretty apparent by now. She generally needs to learn to not jump to extreme conclusions when she doesn’t have all the information, as well as be more accepting that people have their reasons for not sharing everything. The two main sequences that help her learn this are her Alakumatization and the Lila/Volpina experience.

Alya gets akumatized when an akuma she captured (attempting to study it to find more about the source of the problem) escapes and corrupts her. She also tries to end the akumatization when Hawk Moth orders her to potentially endanger civilians, but his control over the miraculous (and her) are too strong. After being deakumatized, Alya is a bit more careful in her investigations, and a lot more willing to hear the heroes out (while Alya doesn’t remember being an akuma, just the knowledge that she was corrupted, and the video footage of her as a villain is enough to rattle her).

When dealing with Lila, Alya tries to take the direct approach, both in trying to publically confront Lila for her crimes and by telling the city that she’s the hero Rena Rouge. This inevitably backfires when Lila manages to use her manipulation to avoid being found out and getting Alya in trouble instead. Lila also teams up with Hawk Moth to target Alya’s family, even managing to get Alya akumatized into Vixen Vermillion at her lowest point. She does overcome this, and becomes a lot more tactical with her knowledge in the future. (Alya’s development into tolerating secrets is completed when she finds out that Nino is Carapace, but keeps his secret). She’ll also rename her blog to “The Miracle Blog” after forming a proper respect and camaraderie for the other Miraculous heroes, and shifts from trying to expose or criticize Ladybug and Chat Noir to simply posting any relevant information needed to keep the public safe (which she was doing in the first place but now it’s more of a focus).

Alya also gets the smaller character progression of relaxing a little more, both because she feels safer with her fellow heroes and due to her new friendships helping her appreciate the smaller things in life.

Conclusion:

And that’s a wrap! I know that she might seem a bit odd for an Alya, and her slightly more difficult tendencies may make it seem like we don’t like her very much, but not only was the shift away from her original character intentional (we realize how different we made her), it was not meant to salt on her in any way. On the contrary, we wanted to give her more of a story as her own character, not basing her entire life to revolve around someone else (heck, sometimes she feels like the deuteragonist to Ladybug and Chat Noir’s co-protagonist statuses!). This is particularly what I mean when I said that us rebooting the characters often drastically changed up their original personalities and roles (like many reboots do). Not to hate on what they were, but to tell a different story.

After this I’ll probably explain the new Tikki and Plagg personalities, roles, and development. Then maybe explain the MTS Love Square after that. Thanks for staying patient everyone!

(One more thing: I’m also releasing Alya’s akuma design shortly after this post, so if you enjoy seeing character designs, I’d recommend checking it out!)

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous reboot #miraculous: the series #miraculous rewrite #alya cesaire #ml rewrite #ml analysis #She is so so important and cool you guys #trust 🦊#rena rouge

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raspberrybluejeans · 11 months

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@taznovembercelebration I got the card "playlist"!

I put entirely too much time and effort into this and probably could spend days more on it but I have to force myself to just release it now LOL. Thank you so much @ghostslazy for letting me use your picture for the icon! I am not brave enough to make a picture of my own yet lol.

The playlist is meant to be chronological to Barry and Lup's romance, so it starts happy, and then gets a little sad, and then gets happy again!

I explain my reasoning for the songs under the cut here, if anyone is interested!

1. I’m a Believer - The Monkees This is just the general realizing they’re falling in love song.

2. Words - F. R. David Their concert where they found it easier to “start the conversation” by playing music together

3. Something That I Want - Grace Potter Lup leading Barry away to finally actually talk

4. Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash Just meant to represent their time being happy together during the stolen century! I originally had a lot of songs here but I whittled it down to this one only lol.

5. The Way - Fastball This is meant to represent their lich ceremony. This was them officially deciding to be together forever no matter what. “It's always summer, they'll never get cold, they'll never get hungry, they'll never get old and gray” In any other circumstance a human and an elf falling in love would be a tragedy but they had so much time together and they decided to never let it end. This is the most important song on the playlist to me.

6. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane My first instinct was to place this earlier in the playlist, to be a part of “Hey Barry, do you want to go and talk somewhere?” but there is a melancholic tone to this song that just doesn’t fit with that. Particularly the end, when it says “This can’t be the end of everything.” I think this better fits Lup’s misery at the end of the stolen century when they distributed the grand relics. I think this is about more than just Lup and Barry, but about Lup’s love for the others in general and about her “Back soon.” note before disappearing.

7. Wildfires - Mariachi El Bronx This song encompasses many things. It’s about Barry and Taako desperately looking for Lup after she disappears. It’s about Lup getting herself killed and trapped. It’s about Barry having Taako kill him when their memories started to be erased. In general, it’s about the misery and drama that happened in that time period.

8. Could Never Be Heaven - Brand New Barry misery era lol

9. Dedicated To the One I Love - The Mamas & The Papas Lup trapped in the umbrastaff

10. Vanilla Twilight - Owl City Somewhat the same sentiment as the previous song, but I think more from Barry's POV as he tries to be productive in solving what Lucretia is doing, and wishing Lup was with him

11. Foxglove - Murder by Death Barry in the final stretch when we first met him in Here There Be Gerblins and while he haunted the THB throughout the campaign. I take the beginning of the song about burning to be when he couldn't quite remember what the passion he was feeling was while in his first human body that we met; and the end about the cool drink of water to be when his newest body being innoculated, and also him finally being reunited with Lup.

12. First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes The first feelings of relief with finally being reunited.

13. Past Lives - BØRNS Another song about being reunited, but I think with more passion and confidence than when Barry first became sort of cognizant and Lup recovered from being freed.

14. Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship They're back together now and they're fucking unstoppable! They're gonna save the world!

15. I Melt With You - Modern English Another song about saving the world together, but to be frank this is here to calm down the energy just a little bit from the previous song lmfao.

16. High On a Rocky Ledge - Moondog Sort of represents the bargaining with Kravitz. I’m not sure if my vision is understandable here but most important is that last line “If you've the yen to pluck, then pluck us both; for we who have lived as one wish to die as one.”

17. Forever in Blue Jeans - Neil Diamond Does this need an explanation? They’re together forever happily ever after. I think they did okay, forever in blue jeans, babe <3

Bonus notes:

The original playlist I had of just songs that generally remind me of Blupjeans has over 40 songs so it caused me great agony to narrow it down this much but I did my best. I saw that post recently about how a really solid playlist shouldn't be that long and took it to heart lol. But god it hurt everytime I deleted one for realsies

I removed various songs that were way off base for the general genres represented here and also ones that just did not match the vibe.

Anyways if you actually read all of that ummmmmmm. I love you. Blupjeans forever..........

#You guys have no idea how much effort I put into this stupid playlist 💀#taz november celebration #taz #taz balance #ograt

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starfall-isle · 1 year

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good evening what are your float hcs. all of them just. all. every single one. u can drop some for other characters too your brain is too juicy we need to see what's inside it's like trolli super brain

HI. First of all your tags made me really happy tysm

Abt the drawing itself I was trying to achieve the sense of like. All the different aspects of float that make her float and just. Everything that leads itself to it’s own inevitable conclusion, but things don’t get to end for her once she’s dead and now she is an outsider to herself. Looking into a life that she was designed to feel and remember as if they were her own. Such a cruel joke on Clarity’s part just to make the lie authentic! she is a walking ghost now!! The panel of her cyborg body just below the memory of her first real instance of identity, the clothes she was given through the kindness of a stranger, a new name and appearance and a chance to invent herself.. but knowing what comes of Flint bringing her into his past in an attempt to protect her :( sad and ironic

The scene she was crying after facing flint I don’t think of only as her attempt to authenticate the lie she is feeding Spark, but more so that. Picture you just faced someone you’re supposed know as your best friend, someone you never even got to say goodbye to, and you also know that you only exist to lie about your intentions and achieve someone else’s goal I think in that situation I’d be upset as hell, no separating your objective from your feelings there.

& for general headcanons. Like you said she is THE schizophrenic girl of all time to me. (Spark too but that’s a post in itself) First time I got through the game it was like. Oh there is some kind of depersonalization theme here. Character who has never truly known her own self, her cyborg body a reminder of what was discarded, and even when she’s back in her original body it’s a form she has no memory of! It is still unfamiliar and detached from her.

-SHES SUCH A LESBIAN >>> Flint too for that matter. He/Him nonbinary dyke.

-I love that she can use her cyborg hands for makeup I think it’s like a built in multi-tool for her. Lady who can turn her arms into screwdrivers.

-shes a girl who wears a Santa hat everywhere and runs from cops and has a sword and I think I want to smoke weed with her.

#spark the electric jester spoilers #Spark the electric jester #Thank you again for asking!! I am taking this game wayyy too seriously but it is not my fault she was written like that #Drug mention #Ask

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littlealeta · 2 months

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Inside Out 2 Review

Long post! Scroll down for a TL;DR section

Ever since this sequel was announced, I was one of the first ones to be immediately optimistic for it. The cliffhanger from the first one opened up some interesting possibilities for a continuation and I couldn't wait to see what it would be. Even though we are in Pixar's sequel slump again, this manages to be a fairly decent, although could've been better sequel.

Inside Out 2 manages to avoid most of the pitfalls that plague sequels. Instead of being a rehash of the first, it introduces new concepts, a new antagonist, and a new plot while also developing Riley and the other emotions’ personalities beyond basic Anger is Anger, Fear is Fear, and Riley is just a sad girl who moved away from her home. Anger and Fear are a bit more involved here, and Anger even shows that he has a nice side by helping the other emotions give Riley’s positive thoughts.

In the case of Riley, they develop her personality, by introducing a belief system, which represents her ego as well as her personality as a kind, responsible, and smart girl.

Now, where it starts to become mixed at is the portrayal of puberty. Now, this is just my personal opinion and I tend to feel irritated easily by kids and teenagers in general so take this with a grain of salt.

I hated Riley’s attitude in this film. The minute Riley wakes up after the headquarters gets reorganized, Riley turns into a completely different person. It’s like her entire kind-hearted, cheerful personality is gone out the window and she starts lashing out at her dad and mom as she tries to comfort her and help her get ready for hockey camp, complaining about how she’s always on her back. What? You didn’t complain about her being on your back before, why now?

I also don’t like how it’s implied that Riley was never taught about puberty. I think nowadays, kids are more well-informed about puberty by schools especially and maybe parents and what happens during it and how to take care of yourself.

It’s not all forced though, Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui also gets introduced a few minutes later when she hears her friends are moving away and she’s introduced to the Firehawks. This makes sense, because these two things mean a lot to Riley so obviously it would affect her a lot.

What I will praise generally about the film is the depiction of Anxiety. She is perfectly how I’d imagine Anxiety to be like. From her design, to her personality, to her movements, to the way she interacts with her environment. She gives off an unexpectedly deep commentary about how anxiety isn’t always bad, but it can become harmful when it begins to interfere with your life and relationships. This is a lesson she has to learn. Riley becomes a completely different personality, devoid of everything she used to be (even her belief system and original emotions) and her life now revolves around a group of people that she may not truly like as friends, but looks up to them.

Once again, the emotions fight to take Anxiety’s place as the main emotion, except Anxiety is more harsh than Joy was in the first film, locking them away so that she can continue helping Riley achieve her goals. In the vault, we are introduced to the concept of secrets, which include a funny preschool character that behaves like a combination of Blues Clues, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Dora the Explorer that Riley still likes (relatable). And Dark from Orion and the Dark, who holds a secret even he doesn’t want anyone to know.

While we do get a bit of a retread of the emotions trying to stop each other from letting Riley feel that emotion, I think this sort of retread is done well here. Because emotions can be at conflict with each other, especially when you are growing up. Looking back on the first film, I thought Joy was just an asshole, and she kinda was, but now I understand that it was because Riley herself didn’t want to feel Sadness and that was a lesson she and Joy had to learn. The conflict here also made sense when you realize that Anxiety, unlike Sadness, was actually harming Riley by trying to change her as a person.

Where the film goes from here, is a really relatable depiction of anxiety for not just children but for people of all ages. It affects your relationships, it affects yourself, it affects your loved ones, it affects your life, and it can lead to you making decisions you know aren’t good. I wanted Riley to stay loyal to her old group of friends and understand that she may not yet be ready for the Firehawks, but I understood her worries as someone who is a perfectionist myself and that she just wanted to be with people she liked.

While I am kinda tired of anxiety attacks in animated films, I felt it was necessary to show all the harm that Anxiety has caused Riley.

After that are some really sweet moments in the climax where the emotions hug Riley’s sense of self to calm her down (take that Velma!), Riley being able to enjoy (literally) hockey again, and Joy giving Riley a massage. It represents how even when we’re going through a lot, we’re still trying. Our brain is still trying.

One problem I would give the entire story is that it should’ve included more of Ennui. She was barely in the film, I don’t think I remember her touching the console more than like once or twice?

I also want to touch on a minor nitpick in Riley’s design in the beginning when she had her original short hair. I mean it’s cute, but… it looks very different from her old design with short hair.

TL;DR: While Inside Out 2 may be hardly relatable to people who are not experiencing or have gone through cliched teenage concerns and I wish that it was more natural in its depiction of pubescent/teenage emotions (they made Riley a complete jerk to her sweet parents for no reason), its portrayal of anxiety and the effects it can have on the victim and their loved ones felt universal. Sometimes I feel mental health stories portray mentally ill characters as crazy, angry jerks, but I actually sympathized with Riley and Anxiety a lot here. That feeling of wanting to be liked (especially by your crush) and to win I think is a feeling anyone can struggle with. Anxiety feels the closest to a villain we’ve ever had in this franchise and it was fun to see all the emotions battling against her. The way Anxiety interacts with the console is just like how I’d imagine Anxiety would be like if it was sentient.

The way the emotions try to calm Anxiety and Riley’s insecure belief system down at the end is really heart-warming. It shows how much of a tortured soul Riley is, she struggles, but she’s still human. She falters but she wants to get back up.

On the other hand, Inside Out 2 makes the world of the film more alive by introducing new concepts (such as a Secret Vault and Belief System) and developing characters such as Riley, Fear, and Anger more. They now feel more like characters instead of basic emotions. Except Ennui, he was fucked over HARD in this film.

Inside Out 2 gets 6.6 bells out of 10.

Even though I’m not the biggest fan of this franchise, I always loved the idea and psychology behind it and that’s what draws me toward these films and I’m interested in seeing where it goes from here.

I really wish the best for Riley, though. I don’t want her to stop feeling joy.

#inside out #inside out 2 #riley andersen #joy #anger #fear #anxiety #ennui #sadness #review #pixar

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unvergangliche · 6 months

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thinking about how the demon king specifically targeted the elves first for their magic, how elves were the first to possess the means to oppose his armies through their craft of magic and how it originally was only an 'elven' thing, and how the elves were the first to point blankly, be wiped out save for very scarce amounts. there are no longer any elf villages in fri.eren's universe, at least, not so far in the 120+ chapters in the manga we've only seen fri.eren, kraft, and se.rie. i think that makes a lot of sense, actually .

friere.n's drive to kill demons marking her as the most effective at killing demons in history, 'the slayer' and in a sense, of monsters in general, albeit she isn't a melee range fighter like say, hi.mmel or stark or eisen , it would be extremely unlikely and borderline improbable for her to meet her fallen race. if anything, it's sad because fri.eren says without much emotion how they are 'dying' and 'going extinct' and she doesn't even really know where any are.

so we have an essentially immortal being not only dealing with the 'extinction' of her loved ones through mortal death , but also the extinction of her people, something she knows all too well in her early centuries when the demon king targeted her village, her enclave of elven community, and wiped them out save herself, who killed the general sent to slaughter them. so for fri.eren's party that travels, people blatantly gaping at her like that merchant she helped? makes total sense. it would take a miracle and a blue moon to see an elf, and it's probably a miracle in itself that even three exist.

the tragedy is in that, the flow of time and the acceptance that magic is no longer limited to the elves but all humans, is something fri.eren, like flamme, fully embraces, but i can't imagine she doesn't feel some hidden, unreadable sorrow about it. after all, she laments to her master that she wasn't strong enough to protect her people from dying. so if you see fri.eren in threads, not just because she's the legendary mage who killed the demon king . . . it's also because she's a literal elf, and you just don't see that anymore. she and serie, kraft....they're a dying breed of an age passing into something new: humanity.

#it's a miracle we even see them and based on kraft's reaction #he hasn't seen one in forever.#it's like stumbling on a unicorn outside your house.#it doesn't happen.#and granted the implications both in the ani.me and manga and outright stated that the demon king wanted the elves SPECIFICALLY dead...#it's so unlikely to see one.#it's been 120+ chapters and we have only seen fri.eren kraft and serie. it's just not a thing.#and it's sad because fri.eren's hatred of demons is so driven by that. if she met actual nice demons in aus it's like 'lmao deceit.'#it's just sad???????? losing her people her loved ones.#a really melancholic thing.#𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. | the one one hundredth.#Q.

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rottenbrainstuff · 6 months

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BG3 playthrough - Bhaal Temple

Mega mega spoilers:

Wow! So that’s my personal arc complete then. Holy smokes.

Yanno I’ve joked how unfortunate it is that I seem to have picked every best choice (for what I personally like) for my very first run, and now nothing will be as fun for me to try in subsequent playthroughs - picked a drow, picked a bard, and picked dark urge - but like. Honestly, honestly, I don’t know how much time and effort I have in me to invest 200+ hours every time I want to play again, how many more times I’m going to actually do that. I can imagine some nebulous future playthrough where I would have enjoyed all this stuff for the first time after playing the game already but… I don’t know. As much as I joke, I think it’s fine. I know full well that I don’t have the time for unlimited playthroughs to discover new stuff, so I’m glad at the very least I can say I did one big run and saw most of the very best content.

The temple begins with the farslayer fight - what a pain in the goddamned ass. Had to really metagame for that, and sneak someone over to the far side of the area to hide until the fight begins so I can start chipping away at the dude right away.

Act 3 is more spare for lore and set dressing than the previous acts, but the little things that were there in the temple, I liked. The two folks Orin transformed into, whoever those ended up being in your game, are dead on slabs here, and it was very gross to find my old room, and always unsettling to find old things I’ve written. Orin has been kind of just irritating so far - but like a lot of other people, I now find Orin just very sad. She’s everyone’s second choice, desperate to prove herself, and no one cares. Not her mother, not her father, not her spawn sibling, not her god, not her allies. Even the fans don’t like her.

Holy smokes, if you’re a dark urge, she changes into your tav! I had no idea! You can hear your tav actually SPEAKING an entire paragraph of lines! That floored me!

Player characters speaking lines is apparently controversial - many gamer bros feel that having the main character speak is “ruining the immersion”. I mean. My tav is an enormous buff purple guy. We are fighting armies and undead creatures and beholders and driders and evil clowns that want to kill us. You think that hearing my own character talk is going to be the thing that ruins my immersion?...??? So, I’m generally really not on board with this whole player-characters-should-never-speak thing. HOWEVER - however - I do have to say, that fact that your tav doesn’t speak through the game, the fact that you only ever hear them in little bits and pieces of reactions as you click around, the fact that you’re FAMILIAR with your tav’s voice but you never really get to hear it very much - that makes this scene extremely startling! At least for me! I thought it was so cool, so unexpected, this scene is probably going to remain one of the most memorable moments of the game for me. If my tav was always talking in their dialogues, this wouldn’t have been remarkable at all. (I have voice 3 btw: I know voice 5 is the “official” dark urge voice, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever. I like voice 3)

(just as far as it goes logistically - I assume that Larian just physically couldn’t record speaking lines for the player character. They have eight different voice choices, and just THINK of all the extra dialogue there would be to record. They didn’t even record the dialogue for origin characters, and those already have established voice actors, so clearly it’s not a question of immersion. If the choice is between a speaking player character, and more choices in terms of dialogue, I’ll take the larger amount of content and I won’t complain about it)

I got very worried about the duel with Orin - a one-one-one with my squishy little bard? I was having flashbacks to Lae’zel’s second romance where she wiped the floor with my purple ass in one single turn. I was really surprised how easy the fight was though. I don’t think that’s necessarily bad - I think once again it just makes me feel bad for Orin. Even a shitty bard can take her out pretty quickly. The nice ring that I got from dinosaur land lets me cast an enchantment as a bonus action after landing a hit, so it was pretty simple to just keep her contained with fear from dissonant whispers, then chip her down with attacks and with a summons I brought along.

Sceleritas is SO UPSET if you lose the duel. He’s a creepy little creep that likes murder and torture, but he also genuinely really loves the dark urge, too. It’s weirdly sweet. (His welcome to the durge when you reach the temple is adorable as well) I took his body after everything was all done and found a good spot to lay it to rest. Just felt weirdly compelled to do that.

HOLY SHIT what a cool character arc wrap up. How satisfying. Saying my final big fuck you to daddy Bhaal. I’d rather die than continue to be his tool - fine then, die. And Withers steps in to play his uno reverse and brings me back. It felt so satisfying to hear Withers explain that Bhaal had only killed what he knew about and had access to, my dark urge, the murder, the intrusive thoughts. That’s been burned out of me now, and everything that’s left is all me, all free. Your companions add their comments - Astarion says that you are more than what Bhaal made you to be, which of course is literally what he also said to Cazador, when Cazador told him that he was made to be consumed. You guys are giving me the warm fuzzies, knock it off! And now courtesy of Withers, I have more epithets: Challenger of Gods, Child of None.

“Does this mean Withers is my dad now?” -my tav, at some point probably

AMAZING. Holy smokes. Everyone who is a BG3 fan needs to play a resisting durge at least once. It really is so amazing.

(it’s neat trying to reconcile my random choices that I made at the start of the game when I didn’t know anything about what the plot was going to be, with the things I know now. Bard seems, I guess, maybe a bit of an odd class for a dark urge. When would a Bhaal cultist have bothered to learn music and poetry and instruments? I think with my tav, perhaps he was a very theatrical and charismatic cult leader, and that’s where that comes from, with a great big side helping of performing like a funny little trained monkey for Kressa Bonedaughter while I was in her care - that’s where he would have got his silly starting bard clothes from)

That’s my personal quest all wrapped up, then. I actually feel now like I’m getting close to the end of the game, only a few things left to do. Next up is the iron throne bullshit and yikes guys. I tried it twice the other night and failed spectacularly both times. The second time I at least managed to get SOME people back to the sub in time, but I am not satisfied with just some.

#bg3 #bg3 playthrough #dark urge #durge #bhaalspawn #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers

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starsunfirelight · 9 months

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Ok so

I was too scared to post this before, but I think I'm going to do it now:

inspiration to finally post this:

youtube

a channel I watch all the time at the end of the year/when I remember/when it gets recommended to me lol

finally validated my opinions, when I thought I was alone

then someone in the comments mentioned a different channel so I thought i'd check it out:

youtube

and things started making a lot of sense. it's like this one person had the common sense that I could feel was missing from seemingly everyone I interacted with (watch videos) on the internet.

So I watch this:

youtube

after another video, and it's one I'd been meaning to watch a lot sooner, but it's been in my watch later for a long time and I guess it just got buried and I forgot about it lol

I never really check the watch later playlist unless I'm really bored and it's something I remember

(I am 100% a Spooky girl by the way (though for a different- I guess not directly but I have the vibes and those are things that I would do if it wasn't for the fact that I can't for some reason (yes I see the hypocrisy here but trust me on this)) and have been aware of it this whole time and it's also the exact type of person that I really hate and I think the word for it for the general public is "poser") (which is way more accurate to what I am imo)

(but like I get where they're all coming from and hope that they can all move on and get a more happier life where they can commit :> not sure what (face expression in the form of an emoticon/emoji) to put here but oh well )

but anyways, here we go!

(copy and pasted from my notes app) (wrote in the style of a YouTube video (at least at first) bc I am not original or creative but I just wanted to have fun lol) (more like have fun complaining and it was really bothering me and I just had to get it out there somehow) (I legit listened to this song for like 3 days straight until I had memorized all of the lyrics before the song would finally leave my head. :[ ) (again with the face thing, wanted to indicate mildly sad but frustrated not disappointed)

thoughts from today:

(the sentiment is totally taken straight from the comment section of the above videos and her performance with the cake being all messed up on SNL recently)

oliv (sic) is good and bad at the same time, but she’s getting better :)

I got target audience hit so hard like wow

olivia needs to learn to “kill” what she doesn’t like and go all in on being herself, :) it’s already happenin :)

still totally hate her producer by the way, if not specifically for these songs

like Blake put 90's(? idk I forget exactly it's been a while since I went obsessively looking for every single reaction video to her new song to see if anyone out there had the same opinion as me, but more as a way to see what opinon I "should" be having which sounds insane, I know, but I can't/ok couldn't help it and now I realize this is just high school glorified 😔 (ok real last edit so far (haha take that edits later) this was something I only begun to notice starting from Casually Explained's video (found via a hasanabi clip on my recommended who I clicked on bc of QT(he's a podcast host with her and his takes are so bad they're funny but I only know found out (have a better idea of now that I grew up more) they're bad because of other streamers but anyways-) https://youtu.be/MspHbnfEGno?si=KiiMRDYPIc9TK-TF) (here's a link to the original full video: https://youtu.be/l4Ioj4BA6N0?si=gUQ3ZeoyZ3DcGXLy) and then this one https://youtu.be/pII6mLdNawk?si=EWSF_g8Pl0fLOXHG and finally make the connection here myself lol)) but anyways put those drums on the track as a backing and it sounded SO MUCH BETTER than the original

so like yeah she definitely has the spirit, she just needs to talk to the right people, trust and learn from them, and have more people say "no" to her.

like seriously, and then she'll be really good!

like I mean it, her tracks are SO CLOSE to being really good, and I can see the idea behind them, that it makes me a little mad

all it needs is just a little creativity, or at least someone who really knows what they are doing and how to best implement it

like people think the production on the 1989 vault tracks left something to be desired and started making their own mixes, and I think that's what people should do with some of olivia rodrigo's music too! ok but like pretty isn't pretty was pretty much perfect so don't mess with that one lol

and also why I think the live performances sometimes sound so much better than the recorded version lol

y'know what? that could be a solution right there!

If you're bad at mixing, just do it live! Then it's all better anyways lol

haha ok time to let you guys see what I wrote when this song came out lol

like I really didn't want to be "that person" who complained about the thing that every teenager loves right now, but now I see that my complaints were valid because it's just a matter of opinion, and it's not the reason I was so mad lol (ok maybe like 0.01% but like I've been through this before and didn't hate the thing that was popular, maybe I was jealous? idk but still my complaints were mostly not for that reason, let's say lol (was looking for 😥 but couldn't find it lol - me from later, still editing this by only adding comments as I think the original should be preserved as much as possible bc it's interesting to look back at ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 😓😢😭💀👍🙂🐛✨ (man your recently used emojis really tell you a lot about your personality huh))

ok but anyways

here we go lol

the time is from when it was last edited on the notes app

August 3, 2023 at 18:10

hey guys! So, today we’re going to be talking about 4 time Grammy winning musician Olivia Rodrigo’s latest hit single, vampire. This song reached number #1 on the Billboard hot 100 last week, and that’s almost to be expected of an artist like her. It also took YouTube by storm, (since it was sponsored, in part, haha, though I doubt it wouldn’t have blown up anyways) and I’m pretty sure it’s really popular on TikTok as well. (though I wouldn’t know, because I spend all of my time on YouTube shorts instead, lol) Ok now, personally, I liked her last album Sour, so I was excited to see what new song she came up with next! So, curious to see what it was, I checked it out on the trending page and… suffice to say, I was a little disappointed. I mean, it had such good parts, and musically, it was nice and I could tell what she was trying to do, but I mean, lyrically, I just felt like it could be better. Like, I’ve heard Taylor Swift songs in the past, and even if you don’t like her style, you’ve gotta admit she’s really good at writing lyrics. Not only does she convey her thought with such vivid imagery and a poetic stricture, but the words sound really nice to listen to as well. I’m not an English major, so I can’t go into too much depth there, but I’m sure there’s a lot of videos out there that can explain what I mean here. And as a personal anecdote, my 7th grade class was given her lyrics to Red to analyze for an assignment lol. So I mean, there’s one frame of reference for you guys, haha. But getting back to Vampire, her lyrics on there just don’t feel the same. I know they aren’t supposed to, but in its place they should adopt her own style. But to me, it just feels a bit… idk childish? I know I’m not that much older than her, but still. (Turns out she was 19 when she wrote this, which makes so much sense now, and that’s basically still a kid lol.) Taylor and Demi Lovato have both written great lyrics when they were both around her age. But, Taylor is kind of a lyrical poet, and Demi probably had a lot of help, since I looked on the Genius page and it said the song I want to compare later was cowritten by Nikki Williams, who was 25 at the time. So it’s a bit unfair to compare, but we’ll see.

Musically, I maybe I just don’t get pop opera, but I think the transition from piano to full on pop song is cool, but feels a bit misplaced. Like, it sounds like a good idea in concept, but I don’t know if it translated well. (as maybe she or the producer might have hoped.) But aside from that, maybe it’s just me but I think she liked the bridge-like(? idk just guessing here based off of my own feeling) chorus a bit too much, that she ended up relying on it to make the song great. Don’t get me wrong— musically, it’s a great part, and she should definitely be proud of herself for coming up with it as she did, but do you really have to repeat it 3 times?? I can definitely say that that it’s the key defining highlight of the song, but when you repeat it so much, it sounds tiring and overused. Imo People don’t care if you repeat the chorus a lot, because the chorus is almost meant to be repeated, but I really think that it sounds a bit too same when it’s repeated in this context. The beginning too, now that I mention it. But hey, this part could just be my own personal preference, and that’s valid too, I guess, since it’s just my opinion lol.

And also, I heard someone say that the instrumental at the end left them wanting more, and I agree that it felt like it ended abruptly, and either it should have ended sooner, or maybe padded out a bit more? idk, but the ending just felt abrupt.

But I do have to say, I really liked the bridge part, and the rest of the song after. I just wish the whole song was good! I mean, imo they should have gone harder on the dramatic angle of it all, like maybe have her in black and white with red lipstick at the piano or something. Extend the craziness of her mind, even if she wasn’t? I don’t know haha, I don’t relate to the song, so this again this is probably just a personal preference. (lol Otto)

Especially the “girls your age know better” part was fire!!!! :)

Also, it sounds kind of like her previous songs, but that’s not really anything to worry about imo, because all artists are a bit privy to that, she said that’s what she was going for, in which case she nailed the “same but kinda different” kind of thing, and it’s not a bad thing imo.

But, I guess, now it’s time to look at the ;lyrics. (warning, I think some of it is childish and a bit cringe. if not, just hoping it could be better :(. )

Now, I know that writing good lyrics really doesn’t have to do with age, but more about your own maturity, and your maturity as a writer. I know it’s a bit unfair to compare as I made those comparisons before, but if you look into the lyrics a bit, hopefully you’ll start to see what I mean.

without further ado, here we go…

I ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴛɪsғᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ Asᴋɪɴɢ, “Hᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ɴᴏᴡ?” “Hᴏᴡ’s ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀsᴛʟᴇ ʙᴜɪʟᴛ ᴏғғ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ?” Jᴜsᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴄᴏᴏʟ ɢᴜʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ɪᴛ

Ok, so this isn’t too bad, (now after listening about 100 times I like the first 4 lines! :D) but “Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴄᴏᴏʟ ɢᴜʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ɪᴛ” sounds a bit playful, if not childish. If she’s taking on a childish tone on purpose because she’s still very “naive” as she mentions later, then I have to commend her for her genius. But also, it might show up unintentionally, as she mentioned that this song just came out of her head one day after a bad experience, so as a child, this might be just how she thinks, and on the spot, this is what she thought of. It makes me kind of miffed, and it’s a bit hard to listen to, but you can’t really blame her at the end of the day. Plus it sounds kind of cool! :D lkokolololol <- me on no sleep

I sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪᴀᴍᴏɴᴅs sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs ᴡʜᴇɴ I ᴄʟᴏsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴇʏᴇs Sɪx ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs ᴏғ ᴛᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏʟᴅ ᴀs sᴏᴍᴇ ғᴏʀʙɪᴅᴅᴇɴ ᴘᴀʀᴀᴅɪsᴇ I ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ Yᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴀ ʟᴀᴜɢʜ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴜᴘɪᴅɪᴛʏ

Yo, can we take some time to take in the scenery? No? Ok, I guess that’s ok, and I’lll be in my own corner doing that I guess, lol :D (also comes up later, but that point it’s slow and I think it’s— you’ll find out later :))

Again, it’s fine, maybe trying a bit too hard, but the one thing that makes me mad is “stupidity”. It sounds so childish compared to the rest of the lyrics there, and I can’t think of a better lyric off of the top of my head, but I just know I wouldn’t use that word there— it gives me the ick, if you know what I mean.

it has real “they ask you how you are, and you just have to say you're fine when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it, because they would never understand.” vibes lol.

here’s the chorus!! (though it feels like a bridge imo until the last two lines, but maybe that’s just the genre haha)

<3 love it sm omg !!! heart heart heart!!! :)

‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ I’ᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟ ʙɪɢ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғɪɴᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ’ᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ Yᴏᴜ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ

I ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I ᴡᴀs sᴍᴀʀᴛ Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ sᴏ ɴᴀɪ̈ᴠᴇ Tʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛs As ʏᴏᴜ sᴜɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ Oʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ, ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇʀ

Bʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴅʀʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ … ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ

mentions the theme at the end, yay! lol like it wasn’t present before haha

and here comes my theory that the management wanted this part to take off on TikTok all along, because it’s really good (musically imo) but didn’t really put as much attention on the rest? Like girl, I thought we were on the same page about hating songs only made for TikTok! really short, and only having one good part, like you can tell!

Like “If We Ever Broke Up” by Mae Stephens is the perfect _counter_ to this argument, because it got popular on TikTok and every part of that song is catchy and good, and I think the whole song is perfect. But then again, it’s also kind of short, but also I don’t think it needs to be longer, because then it’s overdone.

But maybe the way Vampire was written was just because it was difficult to come up with! Idk, but I think it could really be due to anything, and I can’t say for sure, I know that. But anyways, I think lyrically, it’s a bit weak. and the ending made me want to listen to it more, which is a TikTok move, but also just because the song has some really good parts in it, which is just because the song is nice and not a TikTok move I don’t think haha :)

Honestly, “‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ I’ᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟ ʙɪɢ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs” has kind of the same energy as “For one day, one day / I was really, really, really, really sad” by One Whole Day by Dixie D’Amelio. And she didn’t even write that song!

and so every time I hear that lyric, I get kind of cringe, it’s a bit sad. :( lol

but now I don’t mind after listening to it for like the 100th time lol

Moving on…

“Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғɪɴᴇ” this line is fine, and it would probably be fine among a sea of other lines that are better, but even still, it would be the weakest out of those lines, but satisfying nonetheless.

This song may be musically satisfying, but lyrically, it’s not. (edit, again, after listening to it about 100 times, I now don’t care about most of it but “dream crusher” still sounds cringe, but the go version probably isn’t.) I may not understand the pain, and I understand that in the middle of writing this song, she was probably thinking about her own emotional pain and not really caring about the lyrics, so I get why it’s like this, and I don’t mind one bit, because that’s her song. And, I mean, She probably wouldn’t have released it of she didn’t like it. haha, unless she was rushed? idk. probably not though!

But still, if you take that aspect away, it’s a bit hard to visualize, appearing weak at times, with a tell not show kind of approach, and at other times it feels like she’s trying too hard, giving the whole song an amateur kind of feel. But Sour wasn’t like this, and I just can’t get why. Like good 4 u had a lot of repetition too, but that was fine, because it felt like that part that was repeated was _meant_ to be repeated, and it was satisfying when it did. You knew what to expect, and it was a little predicable but that was fine. It was nice, even. But this song feels predictable in a kinda bad way, and I don’t really understand why. :(

Ok, back to looking at the lyrics, lol.

“I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ’ᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ Yᴏᴜ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ”

These lines are fire, and I like them. :) Not trying too hard, but not too weak either. It’s great :)

“I ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I ᴡᴀs sᴍᴀʀᴛ Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ sᴏ ɴᴀɪ̈ᴠᴇ”

These lines make it sound like she still is very much naive, even if she didn’t mean it to sound that way. It’s also very her, especially in the way that she phrased it while singing, so I have to give her credit for that. Maybe this one is just a personal preference, for me lol Like maybe it rings true for her because it was and it’s just something that I’ve never thought about lol :)

Listening back, it sounds more like a facepalm than anything.

More lyrics…

“Tʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛs As ʏᴏᴜ sᴜɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ”

Ok, this part just sounds like she is trying too hard, which just makes me sad :(

Like I get imagery, for imagery’s sake, and like she really wanted to make this work, but still, I believe you’ll find the right balance someday as you mature as an artist and a person! :D I believe in you!!! <3

“Oʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ, ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇʀ”

“Bʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴅʀʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ … ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ”

I like this part, especially the rhythmic feel to it as the song speeds up later. I think the clean version is a bit silly though, and having the not clean version in the second line really delivers the impact. Though that same impact isn’t really felt for me in the first line, and “ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ” had more impact than when she used the bad word I think trying to have an impact (but that could also be just because I don’t know the context of that word, or it just sounds weird coming from a child like her, not really understanding the power that that word holds, but still wants people to take her seriously and think of her as a person who uses that word like “I’m not the kid that you think I am”). Haha, at this point I think she has more impact when she writes from the heart and isn’t trying lol. But that could be totally untrue, but it would be funny lol.

“Aɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɢɪʀʟ I ᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ Tᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʙᴀᴅ, ʙᴀᴅ ɴᴇᴡs Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ Gᴏᴅ, I ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ I ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ ᴛᴏᴏ Yᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ sᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄɪɴɢ”

This sounds like classic high school drama from one perspective, but like her friends really care about her, from another.

Musically, I wish it was more different than the opening, but I guess changing the beat kind of does that haha. It’s not bad, I guess. :0

“Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ғʟɪɴᴄʜɪɴɢ?”

What does this mean? Is this just there for the rhyme?

Like, if you’re only going for rhyme, I found this in the BuzzFeed article I was reading earlier of of curiosity “"Maybe then we could pretend / There's no gravity in the words we write / Maybe you didn't mean it / Maybe "blonde" was the only rhyme."” -Skin by Sabrina Carpenter

which I thought was way better lyrics than most of Olivia Rodrigo’s entire song Vampire. Just looking at the lyrics, and has nothing to do with their personal relationship, as I don’t really know about that.

But then again, maybe I was just too harsh, and this is just a reference to something that I don’t understand. Like I wouldn’t personally think about “flinching” when it comes to lying unless it was under a very specific context, but maybe that’s what Olivia Rodrigo is hinting at here, without explaining the whole story.

“(Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ? Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ? Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ?)”

Initially I thought Again, trying a bit too hard here, or maybe it didn’t really come across, but I like the idea that they were going for.

But after reanalyzing the line before this, it makes more sense in that context, and also explains why she would be really hurt here. Especially because she repeats the line a lot, maybe meaning that he lied multiple times and really hurt her to make her want to repeat that line that much.

“Oʜ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴍᴇsᴍᴇʀɪᴢɪɴɢ, ᴘᴀʀᴀʟʏᴢɪɴɢ, ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜʀɪʟʟ Cᴀɴ’ᴛ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ Aɴᴅ Gᴏᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡs I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴡɪʟʟ Wᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴇʀ ‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ɢɪʀʟs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀɢᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ”

This part is nice, “Oʜ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴍᴇsᴍᴇʀɪᴢɪɴɢ, ᴘᴀʀᴀʟʏᴢɪɴɢ, ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜʀɪʟʟ” is kind of a lot to say at once, but I can respect it, it’s kind of like a emotion cake lol. “‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ɢɪʀʟs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀɢᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ” :) those two last lines remind of her last album, and she does it so well here. :)

The bridge and chorus again sound epic with the increased tension from the instrumental :)

“Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ, “Iᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ”, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅ? Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ, ‘ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ I ᴛʀɪᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴜᴛ, ɴᴏᴡ I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ’s ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪɴɢ I’ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ”

Now this really feels like her old album, and I really like this part :)

It’s really good, maintains her style lol, and no notes from me here :)

this part emotion makes up for aaall of the lyrics haha :)

or maybe that’s the lyrics? rhythm? idk, I just like this part, haha :)

“Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ, ‘ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ” especially goes hard, and she’s finally writing in a way that’s not only really good poetry but sounds good to hear! I’m so glad! But she doesn’t have to do this if she doesn’t have to, I just think it’s cool that she did it here, haha

At first I was like did you really have to repeat the iconic part a third time? or is it the chorus at this point? Or was it all along? (yes) :thinking: emoji, but after a while, it’s not that bad. It rocks! And only listening to the last part of the song is epic!!!!!! :D the leadup, however it was executed, was worth it, haha :)

Overall, this song is not bad, great at times, even, but I just wish it was better because I get frustrated at its potential, especially because it reminds me of other songs that are really great at times like Heart Attack by Demi Lovato, and I really love that song, and it makes me frustrated that this song isn’t that one :(. After the “‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ’s ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪɴɢ I’ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ” I’d often go into the chorus from Heart Attack lol :).

But seriously, Like, I get your range is limited, and it’s all about holding in that tension and not letting it go until the line drops (you know the one), but would it kill mainstream music to not hover around the same three notes every time? I’ve noticed it was a problem since Halsey’s “Without Me”, where I really felt that, (editor me from now stepping in to say that I didn't think of this, I just held it in my brain from another youtube video that I had watched years ago but then thought I should "agree" with it without really knowing about what I really thought (based on actually listening to the music) myself lol but then again I did notice it a bit more after I had it pointed out to me, mostly in Halsey - Without Me and Katy Perry - Never Really Over but that last one kinda I had the thought myself a bit at first but then I watched another youtube video and they really pointed to it there as the "death of pop music" but maybe not necessarily with the repeating/range I think idk it was a long time ago and I also liked Paramore - Hard Times a lot at this time but anyways) but maybe it’s just a stylistic choice that I got frustrated by lol, and in general all music isn’t like that. idk about this to say any more.

alright, I think that’s all of my thoughts about this song. ok bye! have a good night/day! :)

Oh wait one more thing. I want to address stan culture, the thing that I wanted to make this video about the most. You see, if you’ve noticed, on the comment section of this song, in most places that I looked, it was hard to find a single comment that was even sightly negative. Now, this could just mean that it’s a good song, but given the complaints I just had that I talked about earlier, it was hard for me to believe that was the case. In fact, that was what kind of started this whole thing, lol. But then, as I looked a bit further on the reviews for the iTunes store, I saw that there were a few people that had the same complaints as I did. There were very few “nope”/“bad song”’s. You don’t like the song? Maybe you’re just not a fan of the genre as a whole, and that’s ok. It’s always (I think) ok to have an opinion. It’s too “copy and paste”? Not original, but still good? Yeah ok, but still, they didn’t comment on whether it was bad or good, and the others admitted it was still good. idk if it’s good to copy and paste or not, but it might e subconscious, and imo who cares (besides the record labels) (as long as you give credit) because it can end up with some really fun music out of it! :) The other comments said it was rushed and it sounded like an amateur. This is something that I kind of talked about in the section before, and if it’s true then I really hope she gets better! :) And a few people were like “meh”, essentially, and still though admitted it was good in some way. So, I guess most of the internet agrees it’s good, just some of us hoping for better.

Now, the really interesting part happened when I looked at another video by a different artist, for just another reason, not really related to this, just kind of happened to see it by chance. It was Taylor Swift’s Anti Hero lyric video, and in the comments, most of them were positive too. But, they were positive in a different way. Both positive, don’t worry :)

Taylor: I love the lyricism, even if you don’t like her you gotta admit it’s good, I relate heavily to this, and just generally pointing out a certain lyric that they like, with some fans just being a fan of the artist. But most people I think were there just () for the song.

Olivia: Kind of the same vibes, but more people liking “omg olivia you’re awesome I can’t believe you did this so proud of you!” which is great but also can lean towards stan behavior (:/), and also “I just love how she sings with emotion”. :) and occasionally “that one line hits really hard.” (hey, I said that too! glad we agree :)) (editor me here to say that I took those comments to heart and formed my own opinion after hearing theirs) But there were also people who were like “I really resonate with this song” “thank you for helping me get through a tough time” and feeling cathartic, which is really nice to see :’)

So, future fans, I advise you to be civil, and maybe not just blindly support your favorite artist because you like them as a person or like their past work. This is just a reminder, just because you like an artist, or even just one song by an artist, doesn’t mean you have to like every sing one of their songs, or go to great lengths to defend them of any wrong lol. You should personally not be responsible for the financial success of your favorite artist. Just tell your friends, but if they’re not into it, leave it alone, chill. If you like it, then you buy the song. If you like it, you listen to the song. that’s really it.

just be happy :)

just be you :)

it’s ok to have an opinion! even if it’s different from people that you love! (unless it’s a super serious important one that’s just mean or something, then hopefully you can try to respect others even if you don’t agree, and try to see other’s pov I hope again unless it’s really bad)

otherwise the world would be boring lol (I mean about having different opinions from one another)

also absolutely no hate to the teens and people that needed this song the most <3 hope you’re ok 😭👍

ohh maybe

(I feel a disconnect with this song) bc teens relate to this song and I’m not a teen anymore. ok, yeah, that explains a lot haha. :0 :)

I’ve always wanted to let the world “let teens be teens”, and give them a lot of love as they grow up, and it looks like it’s finally happening :)))

this song is addictive fs, at least it definitely is/was for me

also it’s funny how she was a fake celeb and now she’s a real internet celeb, and that’s funny lol

I don’t have to like this song, nor do I have to force other people to like it too.

teens like it. let em be.

(ok editor me here, this is the part where I was jotting down random thoughts as I had them, kind of like a notebook lol)

y’know I like this song but I feel like it’s missing something…

I just feel like if she used jazz chords instead of the normal boring generic ones she’s already used before, it could be a much cooler song! Like driver’s license was meant to be generic, and the chords work well there, but this feels like it could use something more!!!!

Oh, ok, I see the Queen inspo now. (editor me, this was in response much later to reading a comment that said so lol, bc I didn't hear it at first lol)

Also explains why everyone likes it, haha xD

it’s like her own style combined with their’s

Like songs

Heart Attack

Some piano ballad - Queen, Taylor Swift

Senorita

Paramore

Avril Lavigne

Gothic/Victorian

Emo - the last two lines of the chorus

Birthday - Katy Perry

ABBA, duh!

Miley Cyrus

BTR (I think, probably just the vibes of the genre)\

Lewis Capaldi

used to ba a sad boy with (idk just lyrics) are jepson era

Without Me - Halsey ^

Pink

Linkin Park

it needs more 💖aesthetic 💓💝💘!!!! ❣️💝❤️‍🩹(couldn’t find the sparkles lol)

Piano Ballad/Queen

(editor me, this is where I pasted the original lyrics and jotted down some of my thoughts there lol, so it's kind of like a "behind the scenes" of the YouTube video lol)

(editor me, but also more of in the notebooks vein where it's what I "cut out" from the video lol to stay on topic/not make it too long winded but here I am writing about it here lol (gosh I really hated part of this song, and I still kinda do, and I'm not going to deny it/hide it anymore because that is what I feel is the right thing to do) (but like not going to bring it up when nobody asked lol, except I guess this could be different lol since _I_ asked and I can post whatever I want as long as I think it's ok and hopefully not being unfair/mean 😥))

(editor me here, also this was me desperately trying to find what this reminded me of, and I was struggling really hard here lol (still am kinda miffed about that, but I chose to accept it and move on after I calmed down caring about this song lol, who knows maybe I'll start looking again by listening to more songs about (I mean in!) that era, haha (*insert indescribable emotion here*) (by me rn at least, :/)))

(editor me from a little later, also went back and saw that I was trying to improve it, so I guess that these were my initial frustrations with the song, or might have been from either before or after or both from when I wrote the whole YouTube video

ok I definitely remember coming back and adding to the list OFTEN as I thought of more, plus I looked up the lyrics in the process of writing the YouTube video, so I guess it was after, after all :) (me being happy I figured it out, NOt being happy about the song >:( ok I'm not that mean (or am I? 🤨 sounds fun actually lol) but didn't want it to be the sad emoticon :( <- ok now I'm a bit sad about the situation, again not the song lol (I don't think? maybe? I mean I suppose since I did say I was a bit sad earlier and I think I still feel that way about the song plus it's a "sad" song so...) (ok stop writing now the sleepiness is really kicking in right about now) )

)

(editor me again, I know you said stop but this is the last one I think, yeah I definitely found the lyrics again and pasted them here _after_ I was done writing my whole video up there, just so I could analyze them in the way that I mentioned before lol)

(still editor me here yeah and I would re paste certain parts and they reminded me of things, as I saw fit) (mmhm yes I am aware I sound like a derange obsessed lunatic and that's because I kind of was) (editor me still, don't worry now I have a love hate kinda thinking towards her lol, and have grown up a bit and try really hard not to be like the fans here, y'know fandom rememberings and what not sheesh the name-shall-npt-be-mentioned fandom is like REally bad and is like this one but like is just BAD on a lot of levels, I think it's worse (than this) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a4yt5h5rRg like the problem is their behavior, not the content or I'd argue even the fans themselves, necessarily, the problem is when it goes too far 🙁 bit a bit more ^, like 😕 one side for both (the aforementioned side could be either, depends on the mood but both are ok ), slight frown :/)

(editior me, ok this is last now, please, yeah it's just me basically trying my best to improve the song, I think, or at least that's how the latest draft of all this reads to me anyways lol)

(still editor me, like at the time I didn't know if I wanted it this way because it was what I stereotypically "expected to hear", or just because it sounded cool (anyways it was still what _I_ expected to hear/would do, given the opportunity, I was really thinking of what would make me happy here, looking for outside influences on top of that + seeing if they match what I hear/the vibe I'm going for in my head like yes! no, maybe and all that))

Same, bit of Taylor Swift, especially in the chords

but also her own style I guess

Definitely her own style, or I just can’t tell what it’s copying (opera!!! :))

I ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I ᴡᴀs sᴍᴀʀᴛ Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ sᴏ ɴᴀɪ̈ᴠᴇ Tʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛs As ʏᴏᴜ sᴜɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ

Paramore Oʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ, ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇʀ

Avril Lavigne

Bʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴅʀʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ … ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ

Her style, more tension rising buildup in the instrumental, pop ->

This is something but can’t figure out what it is

“(Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ? Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ? Hᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴇ?)”

More emo? idk leading up towards a genre change (makes sense from a theatre perspective) (editor me, I had just heard a comment/maybe it was a (reaction?) video or both say that this was inspired by theatre and was like ohhh, that makes a lot of sense actually)

“Oʜ, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴍᴇsᴍᴇʀɪᴢɪɴɢ, ᴘᴀʀᴀʟʏᴢɪɴɢ, ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜʀɪʟʟ Cᴀɴ’ᴛ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ Aɴᴅ Gᴏᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡs I ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴡɪʟʟ Wᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴇʀ ‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ɢɪʀʟs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀɢᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ” -add a sick drum line after this

Victorian/Gothic (imagine the background music and she’s running away) (or else if it’s positive it could pass as emo)

either way this part sounds cool, because of the way she sings it and builds the rising tension

‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ I’ᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟ ʙɪɢ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғɪɴᴇ -> hit the minor key or the 2nd or the 5th or the 7th or sustained or whatever that chord is, like I said, makes the song cool! I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ’ᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ Yᴏᴜ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ

Paramore Oʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ, ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇʀ

Avril Lavigne

Bʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴅʀʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ … ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ -> country? for some reason? :)?

This is classic her style, I would say Taylor Swift but this is her style that’s inspired

“Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ, “Iᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ”, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ’ᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅ? Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ, ‘ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ <- expect a run here for some reason, but then it’s cool but not her style? I ᴛʀɪᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴜᴛ, ɴᴏᴡ I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ <- a darker sound? ‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ’s ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜɪɴɢ I’ʟʟ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ”

Now this is more pop/emo/her style, which is cool because it’s like the final act of the play, ABBA! :)

‘Cᴀᴜsᴇ I’ᴠᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟ ʙɪɢ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs -> piano glissando, elton john, very dramatic Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ғɪɴᴇ -> twist a crystal ball that’s dark blue as the protagonist runs away in fear I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ’ᴠᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ Yᴏᴜ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀᴛ ɴɪɢʜᴛ

I ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I ᴡᴀs sᴍᴀʀᴛ Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ sᴏ ɴᴀɪ̈ᴠᴇ Tʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛs -> sees shadow As ʏᴏᴜ sᴜɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ -> shadow

Paramore Oʜ, ʙʟᴏᴏᴅsᴜᴄᴋᴇʀ, ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴄʀᴜsʜᴇʀ

Avril Lavigne

Bʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴅʀʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ … ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ

end on cymbals + and a guitar

hmm “play”…. it sounds theatrical, I guess :)

Someone analyze this further please TT hands /\

https://youtu.be/PdTg-JT8FPM is pretty good :) but not complete, more could be said!!!

>hates song

>proceeds to listen to sing for 3 consecutive days

(now 4)

I appreciate the lyricism, it works wonderfully on the stage :) (red curtains emoji)

haha kool-aid is funny

“Lᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴄᴏᴏʟ ɢᴜʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛ ɪᴛ”

“I ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ I ᴡᴀs sᴍᴀʀᴛ Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ sᴏ ɴᴀɪ̈ᴠᴇ”

most of the song is just her being helpless(not really), sad, and most of all confused, but this really proves her innocence, and that she’s a good person, (editor me, clear projection here, if it just wasn't _me_ being naïve, if that wasn't already obvious lol) because maybe they would say the second lines, but they would never say the first line even as a joke if they were not a good person

mean TT

where’s the 2000’s drums at???

what on earth is rocky horror picture show

ok so the final genre is rock

it makes sense now, and is not in fact repetitive

paid(editor me, this was an autocorrect of p!atd though I don't think I saw the autocorrect until now ) vibes apparently -reaction video from a video with two people (editor me, I think it was one where they were old white dudes with a purple background who listened to mainly metal, but I could be wrong on this)

playlist is 2000’s indie (editor me, I was researching olivia's inspiration and she said her playlist was this lol or at least the comments did, lol)

its in minor

all of this could have been summed down to “I don’t like the new drummer”.

the parts that aren’t her sound like Selena Gomez :) Like, they could collaborate and it would be neat :)

I guess I don’t like the vocal technique because even if it wasn’t billie’s style I thought it sounded more mellow? idk

Lorde??? I guess, but don’t really see it much beyond the opening/structure of things (editor me, yeah, this was definitely a reaction to a comment and I see it now haha)

Songs that belong on a playlist

Vampire

Better Than Revenge

good 4 u

paid or something paramore???? idk just what was on the radio

oh, that one similar song, ok

enchanted to meet you

rolling in the deep? idk

mine tv

icona pop “i don’t care”

taylor swift look what you made me do (on spot/hits the spot/pinpoint accuracy)

tove lo

katy perry - teenage dream

needs more guitar

"the song was a tissue of threadbare clichés" -google for threadbare (editor me I think I miiiight have read this on a comment on apple iTunes reviews, because I definitely did not know that word before)

nice lol haha totally not this one amirite :) (ominous smile) (you should be concerned) (about me, not you) (thankfully) haha

ok I made a playlist on spotify ✨nuf said ✨💐🪷

this is tearing my soul away :D (never thought this was possible, so this is cool lol)

—the centrol theme is people sobbing in their songs—

also teenagers being teenagers, or at least music targeted towards them

why hate?

-emo

-billie eilith

-teenagers

-almost sampled but not quite

-the way words are pronounced

-straight up the production

-“cool” = cringe? (to adults? lol haha)

-maybe that last point is really it :)

-“look at me I’m important”

-fire this drummer

-also consider help for the producer

-overused, cliche, generic, boring <— this is it for sure, I think

-not enough out of the ordinary/expected

-make it stop pls

-imo the last part is better bc she has more confidence :)

-Olivia Rodrigo Vampire - Creativity Don't Pay Reaction I agree it’s trying too hard and going nowhere

-also on the fact that it appears that she’s trying to be edgy - “The swearing to me seems forced and unnecessary and trying to be edgy.” also see “I'm ancient so not the demographic it's aimed at.” “ I maintain that it's not particularly inspired songwriting or production in my opinion.”? “ it's an unfair comparison,” also true

no hate

-but she’s got a good spirit :)

#olivia rodrigo #vampire #Youtube

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