#and for funsies sometimes they go back to their first body as a kid and fuck with ppl HAHEGEJWHDF

[llumimoon]

Dose Dot age or do the oaks just pass them down from generation to generation like an antique vase? 

HELPPP ANTIQUE VASE THATS SO FUNNY

Ok I think physically Dot doesn’t age until they decide they want to and then it’s a lil family thing where everyone goes out into the backyard and they help build Dot a new body ANSGEGAHAHAHA eventually she DOES have a young adult body that he sticks with for the rest of history. Kinda like that weird great aunt/uncle that’s just been there for AGES for the Oaks. She generally considers himself to be siblings w/ Normal and Hero though when thinking abt themself on the family tree.

In actuality Dot isn’t even mentally as young as I draw them. He is mentally abt 13ish I think, (since the Doodler in the current timeline represents the Teenage Experience), but the point of the body is for her to experience a normal human childhood. Like after the pretty traumatic first years of it’s life, sometimes they just wanna regress and be taken care of, you know? Age is SO WEIRD for eldritch gods anyways. So sometimes Dot acts like a little kid, and sometimes she suddenly gets very aware, knowing, and a little sassy.

Honestly I think the years that they spend in the young kid body spans the time that the teens are in high school. After that, they’ve emotionally healed and have grown to know a lot more about what it means to be a person, and he’s ready to move on to a teenage form that’s more accurate to it’s mental age. Maybe she even tries going to school.

[whenishipiluxurycruiseit]

Song Inspiration - Kalam Eineh by Sherine

DCMK AU! Edogawa Conan did not take the antidote AU!

(Honestly im just typing it here so i couldnt forget my idea, i cant write well so its gon be a prompt or something)

Edogawa Conan did not take the antidote due to the chances of dying is greater than going back to Kudou Shinichi (15% Success rate only)

Kudou Shinichi proclaimed MIA/KIA in the operation destroy the alcoholics

Conan living his childhood the second time and making it better compared to his last, means he is more matured in this second childhood of his (like duh he like 17 yrs old inside HAHAHAH)

Ai was already planning not to go back to her old life and remain as Haibara Ai, so she spends it with Conan making this second childhood better (unlike Miyano Shiho who was bullied for being asian in america)

They make their dreams come true by being a menace child to everyone

Dw Conan and Ai are very happy (they are kinda depressed but they cope well now)(very strong poker face!!) they smile a lot and more carefree than before

Parters in crime frfr they treat each other as siblings

Edogawa Conan still lives with Ran and helps her cope through Kudou Shinichis proclaimed death

Conan and Ai graduate Highschool by the time they’re 15 yrs old

They did not go to college and instead just.. travel everywhere (they’re smarter than college kids anyway)

First they travel with Kudou Yuusaku and Kudou Yukiko bc well.. they minors and the Kudou couple is Conan’s guardians(parents) and became Ai’s guardians too

Though when they old enough they travel on their own both of them or each on their own

Conan being a freelance detective and Ai being a dunno, info broker

Conan is not really a law abiding citizen anymore, he just follows what he thinks is right thus sometimes help Lupin III when he meets them coincidentally during his solo or with Ai travels

Lupin III team as his second fam (or third??) frfr

“Papa!” “I told you not to call me papa!”

“Jigen the brats our nephew now *wipes tears*”

Conan occasionally visits Japan, like during one of the Tantei Shounen Dan’s bday or smthg or some case that needs his help

(Oh yea) Conan is Kudou Shinichi’s replacement (kind of) in MPD Division 1 golden boi

He is also divisions 2 golden boy (kid killer wahhaha)

Conan is also the FBI agents golden boy

When FBI found out Conan is not planning to go to college, they set their fangs on him and recruited him (no questions asked due to the number of recommendations from the FBI agents in Japan)

Not only FBI but also CIA (Conan’s the peacemaker between the rivalry of the two)

Also interpol (they like the smart kid who snucked(?) in before their base in Japan)(cute kid)

So no matter how many law Conan breaks in some country, they got his back and he knows it (that its kinda illegal but who cares they do the job they needed him to do anyways, use the privilege)

Also some of them knew about his situation the shrunked teen situation and his Edogawa Conan identity is alllll fake and is made through the power of position in the world (along with Haibara Ai)

Conan goes here and there to solve hard ass cases but now it’s not only centered around murder but also politics so he study a lot! (“Should’ve gone to college instead of this dang…”)

All expenses paid by his employers ofc

After like a few yrs, like when hes 19, Ai made a perfect antidote that will bring their old body back safely

Ai only made one pill cause she didnt need it, but she knows Conan might want it so its there waiting to be swallowed by Conan

Conan took it for funsies

He did not know it was permanent

He has now two identities, Edogawa Conan and the proclaimed KIA/MIA Kudou Shinichi

He thought he could use it to prank others

“Whoa so this is what I look like in ten years, haha i should prank them that I went back in time from the future haha”

“u are not going back to the future”

“what”

Thus he got stuck in swiss for nearly a month so he could make excuses with the help of Ai (“STOP LAUGHING AT ME U ASS, WHY DIDNT YOU SAY IT WAS PERMANENT” “what a dumbass 😂”)

He kinda uses both identities but mostly the Conan identity

“W-what is that Kudou Shinichi..? I thought he was-“ *wears the glasses* “oh its just you conan kun whew”

Conan feels like hes clark kent and wonders when will he die (of embarrassment cause srsly why did he make this more harder for himself? Though its fun watching people confuse me for me haha)

Those he did not tell about his secret in Japan are having an aneurysm bc what the heck is that kudou shinichi on international tv am i dreaming am i dead is he dead who is dead?… were they dead all along and life was just a simulation that they’re playing in the afterlife

The Kudou Couple are laughing, and Conan is also laughing at the chaos he caused (also he will not be clearing it up for the funsies, he got infected with his parents twisted sense of fun)

Ofc what kind of kaishin shipper am i if i dont include kaishin right?

Kaishin did not happen

Why? Well because conan suddenly left like a rat (and well he did not decide to take the antidote anymore)

Conan helped Kaitou KID defeat his enemy organization in the age of 8 (18) (he destroyed it after he decided he will not take the antidote, which was like i dunno a week after he took down the BO)

Kaito thought that was like the sweetest proposal ever (tantei kun i will say yes to heaven say yes to you)

Conan did not propose instead he told KID that Kudou Shinichi is KIA/MIA and will not be coming back while visiting KID in the hospital

Kaito was like wdym ure here, Conan’s like yea /conan/ is here but shinichi is gone (like the angsty grade schooler that he was)

Kaito was fine with that as long as he can see his tantei kun

His tantei kun was coping through Kaitos heist and he did not mind at all cause hey its fun! (Being chased by ur first love and everything- well other than those soccer balls, but hey as long as its from tantei kun ill take it)

Kaito told tantei kun to find out his real identity and said that he will reward him

The day after Kaito said that he got a text from tentei kun (“so whats the reward kuroba kaito nii chan”) (kaito just blushed “since when did u know” he texted back) (“from the moment u pissed me off”) (“yes sir im sorry”) (“so? What is my reward?”) (“do you know what date it is on monday?”) (“april 1st?”) (“i’ll be waiting tantei kun~”) (“whoa what a sap”)

Kaito confessed to Conan during april 1st on the rooftop of Haido Hotel that he liked (love, conan, shinichi was his first love. Aoko was a crush that died during eigth grade and became a sister to him instead) him and

And was rejected softly

It hurt

So much

But looking at tantei kuns sad smile and appreciating eyes, it kinda lessened a little bit (kinda, a little bit, hurts a lot though)

“I.. don’t want you to be placed in this weird situation. As I’ve said, I have no plans in going back as Kudou Shinichi, and I can’t destroy this life, as Edogawa Conan, for a 15% chance of living.. I’m still here, but as a child. An 9 yr old child.. Thank you and I’m sorry.” (I like you too, but I like to too much to grab on to you and make you wait for years, I don’t want that, you can only go through your teens once and I don’t want that to be wasted on me. I love you.)

“… I… I can wait for you..” “I know, but I don’t want you to.”

Because Kaito is a masochist, he asks for a request

“Can.. can you tell me you love me..? I don’t mind if its just a pretend but please, I won’t ask for anymore please Tantei-kun, Shinichi, I-“

“I love you, Kaito.” Conan says as he pulled the teenager’s shirt down and kissed him on the lips for the first and last time. “I love you, Kaitou KID.” /Conan/ says as he hugs Kaito and feels the tears that are beginning to wet his back.

“Thank you, for loving me, for falling in love with me.” Shinichi says as he looks to Kaito’s eyes, kissed both of his eyelids close, and left quietly. ‘May this be all a pleasant dream to you.’ Shinichi, Conan thought as he hears Kaito’s cries behind the rooftop door.

They did not meet for 2 weeks after that, Kaito KID announced a hiatus and Conan, Conan looked at Ran (nee chan, kind, understanding, lovable Ran nee chan. Who did not have the strength to get angry at him when he told her the truth, who still let him stay at the agency, cooked, took care of him even after all that was revealed. Who he started to look as a sister but it did not make him love her less) and decided to let them meet

Yes people kairan(i dont ship it btw, its just for plot reasons, also inspired by a fic like how the most of this idea came from) happened, but not in the romantic sense, in a I share your pain sense, lets dwell on it together and people misunderstands sense

They meet through Conan’s “Sonoko nee chan I heard that there was a magician who is as good as KID performing at the Beika Performing Hall!”

Sonoko the kind bff that she is “Ran lets go! Lets take your mind off Shi- uh the recent news and look at some magic trick yea? Its gonna be fine! Look I’ll even bring the kids-!” “Oh- I’m fine Sonoko nee chan, My parents will come home that time so you can go with the others without me!”

Kaito and Ran meet and Ran is like “Shinichi..? No, you’re! KI-“ “Shhh! Ojou-san, seriously you’re sharp as Metantei, does he train you?”

Why does Kaito not bother rebuking Ran’s guess is bc Ran saw him using Shinichi’s face a lot which means Ran saw him without disguise a lot of times to know that hes KID

Weird friendship acquired!

New knowledge acquired! (Seems like he was not the only one dumped by their first love, and also seems like they did not get over yet from their first love who is coincidentally the same person! Wow tantei kun if only you know)

(Kaito’s kinda jelly though cause Ran and Shinichi had a /label/ while He and Shinichi… hmph! At least Tantei Kun did not hide his real self from me!) (he’s coping so hard, he knows)

They spend a lot time together to the point people thought they were dating (they weren’t)

Conan is included in people. (He’s kind of relieved that they found solace in each other but also kind of sad cause of all the people he loved romantically (once with Ran and currently with Kaito), he could not date them properly (Ran) or couldn’t even try to date them (Kaito) thus them ending with each other… should he just like a lot of people so those people that he likes will like each other? Does that mean he becomes a match maker?… does he have to like Hattori and Kazuha-chan do they could confess to each other cause Hattori is kinda annoying currently..)

Kaito and Ran saw Conan (Shinichi) looking at them and smiling sadly, giving his blessings mentally (please give all the good luck that I have to both of the people I love) and ah.. fk.. should we.. make it real..?

They did, they officially dated, but just to be with the person they related the most (and also because how Shinichi (Conan) looked at them, like how he wanted that for himself but /just cant/ and gave up and ah if he wants us to be together so shall it be, its not a bad pair anyways.. cope cope) not romantically

Bc of their not so relationship relationship, they dated for 5 yrs and got married. (Just to make some of their friends shut up about when will you marry and oh! Still dating? Ran/Kaito I want to see my cute darling nephews/nieces! Ugh)

(After their marriage, Conan left for somewhere they can’t reach him, but he promised to update as much as he can so.. also Ai-chan is with him to help him remember his promise)

They have kids! Twins in fact (and they’re so glad its twins cause both of them dont think they can do /that/ again.. not when they both loved the same man, they still shudder when they remember the night they made the twins, it was when they both got drunk too, on.. Shinichi’s (Conan’s) supposed to be death anniversary)

They named them Shin (新) and Ichi (一), both boys!

“Why are you named one when theres two of you?” Asked their Uncle Conan during his sudden abrupt visit in Japan, Shin and Ichi are about three yrs old now! “Because Mom said she and dad thought that I was only one! Then surprise surprise there was a new (Shin) one behind me!” Explained Ichi, the youngest of the twins

(Apparently the oldest of the twins are the ones who are conceived last, because they were made in the womb first, they are hidden behind bc their twin will form in front of them, that’s according to my friend who has a twin HAHAH so dunno rlly)

Uncle Conan is laughing so hard he folded in half! “HAHAHAHA! Oh my Lord, they got Hakase’s bad pun jokes, gosh I’m sorry my cute nephews, you guys became a victim.” Uncle Conan said while laughing, wiping a tear from his face, “anyways.. for the million dollar question! Why are both of you on the rooftop of this building?”

Cause seriously, who left his nephews here on top of the building?! Theres no one with them too! Conan is positively sure that their parents are not that irresponsible to just leave them here alone! So who-!

“Papa said to stall time! So he could catch you before you leave again!”

Oh.. it.. it was one of the parents.. “.. and your mom allowed him..?”

“Yep! Because she said that uncle is so hard to catch these days! She said uncle is like a slimy fish!” Shin exclaimed, “Whoa, she said that word infront of your dad?” Conan asked worriedly, “No.. not really, Mama just said ‘slimy f!’” Shin answered bashfully

“Haha! Thought so! Anyways Uncle can’t really stall more time anymore so here! I’ll give you your favorite chocolates in exchange for letting me go!” Conan said cheerfully and like magic, poofs a bag of chocolates in his hand. He wasn’t tied up, but well, children must learn how to ask permission eh? (Also bribery but well what they dont know wont hurt them)

“Waahh! Really! Okay Uncle! Be careful!” Both boys replied readily and greedily takes the bag of chocolate from his hands, “Ha! Both of you really took after your father huh?” He commented softly, after placing some tracking and listening devices on their clothes he said his goodbyes, “see you my cute nephews! Share some to your dad too ok! Wait for him to get you here, bye bye! Love you!~” he said as he leapt from the rooftop.

“Bye uncle! Love you too!” Both said after getting five chocolates each for themselves because their mom is scary if she finds out that they ate more than required of them! And they dont want cavities!

“Shin! Ichi! Where is your Uncle Conan?” Kaito panted as he jumped down from his handglider(?) wearing his full Kaitou KID regalia, minutes after Conan left. “Papa!/Dad!” His twins exclaimed as they ran to hug him, “Uncle Conan just left a while ago!” “He gave us chocolates!” “He also placed some devices on us when he was about to go!” “Uncle told us to leave some chocolates for you!”

Just barely made it then.. Kaito sighs. Honestly his children are too much like him to be easily swayed by chocolate ‘Dang it Shinichi you won again.’ He thought as he picked both of his kids up, “Let’s go home shall we? Mom is waiting for us for sure!” “Miso soup!” “Karaage!” “Dearests its evening, don’t you think those are for breakfast foods?” “Miso is miso!” “Karaage is karaage!” “Just like chocolate is chocolate papa!/dad!” “I agree so much”

Conan laughs as he listens to their conversation, well it looks like its fine over there, he thought as he placed a box full of quality fruits at the kuroba-mouri doorstep.

…

That was a year ago, so pray tell, why Shinichi is on international TV CALLING HIMSELF CONAN?!?! The couple, Kaito and Ran, shrieked, along with their phones going off bc of numerous calls and texts of ‘DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE RAN?????’ ‘R WE DEAD??’ ‘ISTG WAS THE TEN YRS A DREAM AND HE WAS ALIVE ALL ALONG?!?!’

its a good thing that the kids are staying on their grandma Chikage for the night..

Theres actually more in my head.. like their reunion and stuff but well, its already 1:41 am and all i was planning to do was to read kaishin fanfic so gahdang why am i here HAGSHAGSH

Yes, endgame is kaishin, well for this one, in my head yea, i dunno with urs after u read those

No, i dont really like poly relationships that much, im more of a one to one person not three in one plus one happy happy happy kaarawan type of shipper

Yes, Timeskip Ran now sees shinichi like how shinichi sees her, a sibling type of love

No, even with their long relationship and marriage and kids, Kaito and Ran did not really fall in love with each other, they love each other yea but not how like Kaito loves Shinichi and how Ran used to loved Shinichi, its a love built on mutual understanding where they ‘ah, you too? Yea i feel you..’ they see each other as bffs that slept with eachother for one time and decided that yep, its not you, but the kids are here so lets raise them properly yea?

Yes, kaito is still deeply inlove with shinichi (conan), he follows shinichis trail closely or as close as he can get knowing how shinichi goes country to country every frikin time like cant you stay for fIVE MINUTES IN A COUNTRY SHINICHI?

Yes, shinichi (conan) is still in love with Kaito (so well i technically lied on the first bullet on the kaishin one cause they did happen.. just.. so.. soo.. much later

“What will happen to the twins then if kaishin is endgame?” While I don’t really support divorce, but due to how I made their, Kaito and Ran, relationship work, the kids will go to the custody of Ran, but Shinichi will make sure that only, and only when the kids are able to understand the schematics of their relationship will he allow the divorce to go through and let Kaito pursue him (i believe in marriage counseling first before marriage so you can have second thoughts about a lifelong choice, which I did not do to Kaito and Ran, sorry lovelies)

The twins when they got much older understood and was cool abt it, like wow we have like two cool dads (one their previous uncle now stepdad) and one cool mom what a cool family we are hehe, also they dig the ten yrs from now failed prank of Conan (Shinichi), cause when he, conan, picks them from school for who knows like family trip or something they like so yea this is our uncle ten yrs from now so cool right he time travelled for us were a cool and smart family

So yea feel free to ask questions! Though this is mostly what I have with this au really, i dont have much with the other characs but if you ask I can think of some or you can think of some Haha! Just comment below! Cause i dont know how to navigate the ask part of tumblr yet HAHA! Byeee

[atopvisenyashill]

What if asoiaf characters ended up in the world of Narnia? How would they react to the world, Aslan and Jadis?

Okay caveat i haven’t read narnia in a long time BUT all the magical characters are probably in their ELEMENT here I mean

Arya and Lucy would be besties anyway, so you know Arya is having the time of her life

Narnia is a place filled with magic and romanticism and happy endings (if sometimes with a bit of bitter laced with sweet, as the jump from childhood to adulthood always is) and I think all of that would appeal to Sansa on such a deep, fundamental level. When I tell you Sansa and Arya would have a blast!!!

Jon Snow magical girl who puts his entire arm into his prehistoric dinosaur wolf bestie's mouth for funsies would be hella excited about all the talking animals

BRAN STARK. PLS. NEED I SAY MORE HERE.

I think Robb would have a blast too and not just for magical animal reasons but him and Peter have that same "put upon eldest brother" vibe that I think Robb would thrive at being given the chance to really shine as a brother first and a king second

tbh i think the amount of prophecies might freak Dany and Theon out a bit actually - look me in the eyes and tell me Theon would not be tempted by Jadis the way Edmund is, lmao - but I think under some circumstances they could bounce back and have fun exploring the magic that exists there

I know saying Melisandre would like it here is a wild choice but I think the more fairy tale, straightforward morality would appeal to her a lot. Whether she gets obsessive about the wrong kind of magic is um, a different convo. I did make myself sad thinking about poor little slave Melisandre praying to some sort of divine power to save her and Aslan being the one to answer however so that's fun

Kind of along the same lines, in that Narnia often appeals to children who feel lost due to extreme upheaval, I think Missandei would crawl right through the wardrobe, see the lamppost, and just fall in love with the world around her. She's so smart and inquisitive and brave, I just think she'd be delighted. I think if Missandei and Dany went through together, they'd be alright <3

Actually now that I think about it, if Theon went through with the Starklings, he'd end up okay in the end too.

Kind of obsessed with the idea of little Lannister siblings all crawling through at some point or another. Cersei being unable to access the wardrobe, chalking it all up to a dream after she marries and all her dreams turn to ash. Jaime being unable to cope with having adult memories in the body of a teenager. Tyrion (shout out Peter Dinklage, hah) finding a world where his intelligence and wit is respected and growing increasingly dejected with his real life. Wow I made myself sad now.

DUNK AND EGG IN NARNIA. Egg just crawling through one day and Dunk is like now where The Fuck did this kid go and has to crouch his tall ass through that fucking wardrobe after Egg, and Egg is already running into the woods and playing in the snow and Dunk is grumbling after him. DUNK AND EGG ON A ROAD TRIP IN NARNIA. DUNK MEETING A CENTAUR. EGG BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO THE BEAVERS.

Personally I think it would be really funny if Euron came through and Peter takes one look at him and is like "alright fine give Lucy a weapon" and they unleash her on that blue lipped freak. Lucy with a gun >>>>>> Euron and his godhood magic btw

Also Quent. Poor little frog prince would love Narnia. (also, being like Fantasy Spanish with Caspian is kind of funny imo) (I can't remember if Caspian's country are also Fantasy Spaniards in the books or they just made Ben Barnes do that accent for funsies).

[dmercer91]

happy tanner charlotte to the devs day to all who celebrate (ik in the og post i said her first game w them was on a wednesday against colorado, but i don't time travel and they don't have a wednesday game ever)

as a treat, here's a hockey deep dive on our girls (+ their relationships cause i'm nosy and i hope you are too)

tanner charlotte [charlie] NJD #19, RW

very physical player, felt the need to overcompensate when she was young cause she always heard that women never made it pro due to lack of hitting/ability to absorb- she just grew into the reputation and now it’s her thing. makes a point to be clean about it 

her and dawson used to always be 18 and 19, him being 19, but when he originally had 18 for the devs she decided to take 19 with the rags. now that they’re together again, they say it’s 91 and 19 inverted for each other

goal scorer with solid playmaking ability, definitely not a pk player but holds her own defensively. pp1 and 2 depending on rags or devs and also who’s hurt, how she’s playing 

really really good in the corners/puck battles 

not the speediest but it’s very obvious that she wants to get better and when she wheels, she’s pushing 

chirps like it’s the whole sport (her mouth gets her in so much trouble) and they’re usually funny ones she’ll throw around mid play. when she’s mad she doesn’t use her words as much as her body

drafted 19th overall in 2020

usually on a line with jhughes and bratt, but dawson begged and begged for them to line up together and it worked really well. as per usual, lindy fucked it up by separating them the next game

as of like three days from today, she’s in a long term relationship with jack. we all know the lore

jamie lochlyn [locho] SBY #12, C

she doesn’t particularly enjoy throwing the body but she’s so overprotective of her teammates that she’s like.. do u want me to kill that guy for you? and sometimes she does. do not, under any circumstances, get in her goalies crease. she’ll deck you. very often found jerking someone away from her goalie by the back neck of his jersey

as a kid her girls teams would give her whatever number was on the jersey that fit her best, and so when she got to her first rep hockey team and they had jerseys made to fit players with like last names and stuff, she was like,, twwwwwelllve (?). and so now she’s twelve, for funsies (listen. i wanted to give her a small number but tml has 2 and 3 taken, and 1,4,5,6,7,9, and 10 are retired. eight, one might say. but then the fuckass sby wolves retired her, too. they both have an 11)

she is one with the art of playmaking. so hockey smart it hurts. she was whipping plays out of her ass one could only hope to think up at like the ripe age of 9. goal scoring is rarely her friend, but when it is the goals are either gorgeous or a disaster, no inbetween. slays the pk and second pp unit

her and the boards are best friends

so fast that she creates a chill throughout the sudbury community arena, and her skating is absolutely beautiful 

she has anger issues on the ice so sometimes it’s witty and hilarious and other times shes reading you to filth. only whips out the chirps when she's really heated 

drafted in the 2022 draft, 95th overall (sry nicky you still exist i swear)

she works well with goyette, dvorsky and mccallum, so they usually toss her in the top 6 (sometimes on a wing) and hope for the best.

her love life is a complex thing (she refuses to admit she has a thing for a teammate)

due to her name, she can also go by JLO. this, in combination with dvorsky getting coined mr shortside, makes for a lot of content getting made with on the floor by jennifer lopez, ft. pitbull (this was 1000% why i gave her the name i did and why she plays for the wolves, sue me)

rylie scott [scotty] LDN #96, LD

will not hurt a fly, but can, if provoked. really good at absorbing hits cause the opposing boys in her first rep league were essentially told by their coaches to get her off the ice 

her big brother was a star forward about twelve years older than her, who never thought he was going to make it professionally. he wore 96 because her birthday was may sixth and his was april ninth. she always said she was a defenceman because she wanted to be able to stop him from scoring. he passed in a car crash a few months before he would’ve been drafted to the nhl, she was hardly six years old. when she made her first rep team and the jersey numbers went high enough, she chose 96.

shut down d all the way, a good handful or sometimes two of assists annually and four total ohl goals so far. pp time is through the roof but she will never see the ice on the man advantage 

good at digging the puck out but she rarely needs to exercise the skill cause she protects the puck so well, wonderful work at getting the puck out of the zone and guarding the line but she definitely won't be going on any breakaways.

she’s fast and her skating is very unique but she cannot go a game without banana peel falling at least once. edges are flawless… until they’re deeply flawed.

can’t chirp, doesn’t want to. someone will try to intimidate her and she’ll get nervous and laugh in their face.

127th overall in the 2023 draft

usually paired with bonk or dickinson, so they can help out on offence and she can focus on her role

love life? in her professional opinion, she has none. in my professional opinion, her and mackie samo met in dev camp this past summer and he’s hardcore pining. she argues that nightly facetime calls that can go on for several hours ‘don’t mean anything’ (EXTREMELY LOUD AND SORT OF OBNOXIOUS INCORRECT BUZZER)

:) enjoy! <3

pls send lore questions if you have any cos i love my trio to death

[alukewarmdefenceofapathy]

SPILLING MY HEART OUT FOR FUNSIES /j

tw/cw: mental health, menstruation and related issues, i dunno, 500 flavours of sad i guess.

i've had period problems ever since i first got mine when i was 10. i would not have a period for two months and then have a 15 day cycle the next month. i've lived with depression for as long as i can remember, even back when i didn't know it had a name. today i either can't sleep for 36 hours or won't wake up for 14 hours straight. i haven't had a period in six months and it's like i can feel the buildup inside me. if my period does start up again i will bleed so much for so long that i'll need transfusions of blood and iron. doctors might give me meds but once the course is done, rinse and fucking repeat. been plagued with crippling lower back pain recently because of course. i don't even think to mention my chronic migraines and other kinds of pain anymore if someone asks. been diagnosed with everything from garden variety depression and anxiety to borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia but nobody will take me seriously when i say i think i might have adhd. gynaecologists and ultrasound techs literally laugh at me when i tell them about my mental health struggles, psychiatrists tell me to "just do it" basically. and sometimes to eat almonds. both tell me that losing weight is the solution. i feel like smashing my head against the wall and using the kitchen knife to give myself a diy hysterectomy is the only thing that might help at this point. i've tried to kill myself 3 times in my life, and i don't know what to do anymore. it's like i'm screaming into a vacuum and the pressure pockets are making my skull cave in, but the process never actually finishes. i was an anthropology major but dropped out almost at the end of my last year because of the crippling and i mean crippling executive dysfunction that stopped me from being able to complete my final thesis. i used to dream of a career in academia. i used to think i would be able to get out from under my parents roof. i used to think my parents weren't bad people. but then again i used to believe i could have a future if i worked hard enough too.

i don't know how i'm supposed to keep doing this. i cannot comprehend for the life of me how i'm supposed to keep going. i'm 26 and have never had sex or a romantic relationship, nor have i ever particularly wanted one. but i also feel so alone. i hover my thumbs over my phone keyboard but no longer want to bother my friends with my predicaments and so no longer press send on those texts anymore. they have lives and jobs and marriages now, i just have a brain that won't shut up. if i tell someone that i think my uterus et al are messing up my mental state even more, that it's a viscous cycle - i can't bring myself to want to live but when i seek help they say the only solution is going to the gym and exercising which is something i am no longer capable of, nobody believes me. i doubt they even hear me at all. but an unmarried woman who hasn't had kids yet and no notable predisposition to cancer wanting a hysterectomy? that's bonkers. genuine question: why did we decide that mental health and physical health are such alien concepts when compared to one another? does the mental stuff not happen in the brain? and is the brain not part of the body?

i feel helpless and sad and pathetic. and then i hate myself for being so adamant about feeling so sorry for myself. and then i feel like a narcissist for having such an abdominable level of self-loathing. and when i remember that trying to kill myself never actually ends in my favour, apparently i spill my guts out to strangers on the internet. to what end, i still haven't figured out. being the perfect child did not spare me from the fate of eventually becoming an utter disappointment, a shameful burden, only fodder for gossip among extended family.

feels like i died somewhere between then and now. where i currently am is the 7 minutes of "your entire life flashing before your eyes" before the brain really dies. except it's dragging on for way too long. my mind is still half awake, imagination gears still churning, dishing out all the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens in double time. i am being haunted by my own ghost before i even got the chance to truly take my leave. this feels like a single very long sleep paralysis episode. it must be either that or being in limbo in purgatory. and i can't prove any of those not true. i want it to end. i desperately need it to end, whatever "it" is. because it ain't life. this is not living. i am no longer alive and that is the only thing i know anymore.

[mermaidxatxheart]

Better Together Chapter Eight

Here's Chapter 8, y'all. My work is not to be posted on any other site. If you'd like to be added to my tag list, send me an ask.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: language, violence, descriptions of torture.

Series Master List

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

You climb down from the tower, trying to dry your eyes. You dust your hands off and head for the lab. You don’t want to study these stupid flowers, you just want to forget that whole stupid fucking planet. Your eyes won’t stop watering, your throat thick and painful as you try not to burst into tears again.

You round a corner, glancing behind you as you wipe your eyes again. The skin around them is starting to feel raw as you rub them endlessly. There’s something in the middle of the walkway that shouldn’t be there. You turn back to look at what you’ve walked into, stumbling back as fingers wrap around your shoulders.

“Y/N,” Poe breathes, eyes fluttering closed.

Oh, Maker. Your lower lip trembles as you look at his beautiful face, the rejection from earlier swirling up and stifling you. Your eyebrows pinch against your will, eyes starting to squint as the tears threaten to overtake you. Fighting for control, you struggle to smooth out your forehead, but no matter how hard you try, it won’t relax. You inhale sharply through your nose and his eyes fly open.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He mumbles, pulling you in for a hug. It hurts, feeling him care about you this way. You don’t hug him back, keeping your arms rigid by your sides. If you let yourself give in, it will only make things harder. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” He whispers, burying his face in your neck. “I didn’t mean… this morning…” he takes a shuddering breath. “Please? Just… pl-please.” He hugs you tighter, his voice breaking.

“Poe,”

“Don’t you think I want… if I let myself ki-“ he cuts off audibly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He whispers.

“What do you want from me?” You ask, but it comes out colder than you mean it to.

“Forgive me? You have to know I would do anything for you. Anything you ask of me.”

“You didn’t do anything that needs to be forgiven.” You say softly, your arms curling around his back, your willpower crumbling.

“In my room-“ he starts.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have put you in that position.” You sigh, turning your face into his neck. “Moment of weakness. Will you forgive me?” You ask.

His soft lips press into your neck and you shiver at the unexpected touch. “Nothing to forgive.” He murmurs, lifting his head up to trail up your neck. Your heart thrums erratically in your chest as his lips brush your jawline. “Please tell me you haven’t been crying all day because I’m an asshole.”

“No.” You say, barely more than a whisper. It’s all you can manage as his lips trail up your cheek. “I finished my report for Leia.” You say and he tenses. “Poe? I know… I know I don’t deserve it, but can we talk about the river?” You ask quietly.

“I liked the river.” He mumbles against your cheek. You desperately want to turn your head, to catch his lips with yours. Maker, you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, high then low, upside down, then backwards.

“I meant what happened in the river.” You correct.

“Liked that, too.” That earns a weak chuckle.

“You shouldn’t have.” You mumble.

“Y/N,” he groans, guiding you against the wall. He brushes his thumb along your jaw. “What’s bothering you? Tell me. You have so much that you’re not saying and it just breaks my heart.”

Your holopad beeps and you close your eyes. “I have to get to the lab.” You twist your face away.

“I have literally nothing else to do. We can talk on the way.” He says, taking your hand.

“You don’t have to.” You look at him suspiciously. “Why send poor Snap to my room earlier?” You ask and he tips his head back, laughing.

“For funsies.”

“Pando? What the hell was that about?” You ask, his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Lando Calrissian. You mentioned he was an inspiration of yours to become a pilot. I figured you would get the reference. Poe, Lando, we’re both pilots.” He shrugs and you roll your eyes.

“I mentioned Calrissian once, five years ago. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“I remember everything.” He promises. “How was your caf?” He hints.

“Better than the one Bryce brought me. Thank you. And for the food.” You add and he beams, lifting your hands to trace your cheek with the backs of his fingers.

“Of course.” He looks at you before facing straight and keeping his lips pressed together.

“You might as well say it. You have a terrible sabaacc face.” You sigh, pulling him into the lab.

“I don’t like him. He’s been dating you for three years and still doesn’t know how you like your caf. It’s not hard. He’s a jerk. And I hate that he kept me from the med bay so I couldn’t see you. I hate that he acts like he owns you.” He picks up your protective lab coat and helps you slide your arms in. You wince in pain but quickly compose your face so he won’t see.

“Anything else?” You look up at him.

“Only a million other things.” He sighs, leaning against your lab bench.

“Tell me.” You say, catching his hand.

He lifts your hand to his mouth, lips parting slightly as he flutters his eyes shut. He inhales deeply, lips moving silently against the back of it.

“Didn’t catch that.”

“This is so fucked up to say, but I’m so proud of you.” He says. “When we were taken, you were incredible. I never should have put you in that position, but you didn’t say anything, not to save me, not to save yourself and, Maker, I’m so fucking proud of you. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to hold out when he started hurting you, but the fact that you weren’t breaking gave me strength.” He bows his head, clinging to your hand. “And I hate the fact that you think we went through all that because of you. None of it, none, was your fault.” He sighs, lifting his eyes to your face. “In fact, if it wasn’t morally the exact wrong thing to do, I would kiss you again in a heartbeat. Over and over. But you’re a good person and that wouldn’t be fair to you.” He murmurs softly.

“Poe,” you plead. It’s all you want, to kiss him.

“I know. I shouldn’t want that. You’re not mine to want that with, but I just… it’s in my head now. How good you taste, how soft your lips are.” He squeezes his eyes shut, cutting off his words and you squeak. You try to get your hands free, you want them in his hair, holding him to you.

“Poe, please!” You struggle and he drops your hands, hurt written all over his face.

“Okay.” He turns to leave and you grab his arm, pulling him back. You cling to his face, pulling his lips against yours. His hands grip your waist and you exhale in a rush. A massive weight is lifted off your shoulders as you kiss him, hold him. His lips part under yours and you moan low in the back of your throat. He clings to you, crushing you against him like he can’t get close enough.

Maker, you could stay like this forever.

He backs you into the lab bench, fingers pressing into your hips and you rock into him, starving. The door hisses open and he jerks back, spinning around and walking away a few steps.

Nya walks around the corner and looks up to see you fiddling with your holopad. Having barely recovered your wits, you grabbed the first thing your hands landed on.

“Y/N.” She greets with a smile. It’s fake and you want to slap her, but you just tighten your grip on your holopad instead.

“Nya. What are you doing here?” You ask, trying for polite at least and failing horribly. Poe smirks at you over the shelf he’s studying.

“Looking for you, actually.” She says, heading over and you internally groan.

“What did I do?” You ask and she laughs lightly.

“Nothing yet.” She promises. “Your plants are in bin Cin17.” She says, handing over the packet she’s holding.

“Oh. Thanks.”

She smiles at you and turns to walk away. You glance at Poe and he shrugs, coming back over. “That was odd.” He comments.

“Odd? That’s literally the nicest she’s ever been to me.” You sigh, turning back to your bench.

“I wonder why.”

“Maybe she wants something? Maybe she saw my outright panic attack in the dining hall and is getting off on my suffering.” You sigh.

“Or. On a slightly less negative note. Maybe she missed you? Maybe she realized she’s in love with you and now she wants to make it right and have babies with you.” He says and by the end, you’re laughing much harder than you should be. You double over, grasping your knees, your entire midsection aching for various reasons.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me rip my stitches.” You gasp.

“It wasn’t that funny.” He mumbles.

“Oh man, you’re a funny guy, Dameron.” You pant, standing up and wiping your forehead.

“Thanks.” He mutters dryly. “May I ask what, exactly, was so funny about that?”

“Nya. Liking me? She’s so into dick, it’s all she talks about sometimes. Everyone who has one is in her sights. Especially you, Commander. And then babies with me? Come on. Get serious.”

“Just her? Or anyone in general is unbelievable?” He asks, an odd, stiff texture to his voice.

“I dunno. Anyone? I never really thought I’d make a good mom.” You shrug, heading for the containers now that you’re back under control.

“Really? I do.” He says and your face heats.

“Moot point at the moment. Bryce doesn’t want kids.” You say and he groans.

“Just when I think…” he rubs his face. “I gotta go. I’ll see you later.” He mumbles, swiftly heading for the door.

“Wait, Poe!” You call, half turning.

Too late. He’s gone.

***

You’ve never been punched before. Training was always hand to hand, blocking blows or fighting with weapons. They don’t teach you how to take a punch, or five, or twenty.

It doesn’t hurt at first. The impacted spot on your cheek just goes numb. You can feel the cut on the inside from your teeth against the sensitive tissue, but it doesn’t hurt. Yet.

Then after a couple minutes, it turns into a white hot pain. Couple that with fists landing all over your body, and you’re in pain like you’ve never felt before. Tears spill over your cheeks as the fist lands against your nose, cracking your head back against your prison table. You can’t see, can’t feel your face. Your mouth fills with blood, coating your tongue and spilling down your chin as you gasp for air. You can feel your lips split in different places.

There isn’t a part of you that doesn’t hurt, but you hold onto Poe. He didn’t give them anything, so you can’t either. You can’t let him have suffered for nothing.

The trooper stops, rolling his shoulder. “Answer me. Where is your base?”

You spit the blood out of your mouth at his feet. “That all you got? I was just getting into it.” You say and he grumbles, turning to leave for the time being.

You close your aching eyes and drop your head against the support. It’s not comfortable by any stretch of the word, but it’s better than having to hold your head up anymore.

The image from your nightmare flashes in front of your eyes, Poe fighting the invisible enemy, only now it’s not so invisible. A StormTrooper is wielding the blade, plunging it deep into Poe’s heart.

You jerk upright in your bed, upsetting your holopad and sending it crashing to the floor. You flip on the light, unnerved and feeling like you're not alone in your room. But there doesn’t seem to be anything there. Just your clothes on the floor.

You push yourself to your feet, not feeling safe here, and grab your blanket, wrapping it around your shoulders. You want to go see Poe, make sure he’s okay, be positive your nightmares haven’t gotten him yet.

But he doesn’t want to see you. Having avoided you for the rest of the day, you get the hint. A moment of weakness. That’s what that kiss was. You were there and he needed someone. Could have been Nya, probably for all he would have minded. Any port in the storm.

So, you bypass his room and head for the tower where you ate your lunch. It’s quiet, dark, you can see anything coming for you. You climb the steps slowly, feeling the familiar pinch of your stitches. They’re still ugly, crude, jagged. Maybe it’s good that Poe doesn’t really want you. No one could possibly love the new mutilated you. Bryce hasn’t seen them yet, either. You’re positive that the second he does, he’ll run for the hills.

Maker, you’re selfish.

You push open the door and a body in the tower makes you freeze. “Oh.” You mumble, realizing it’s Poe. “Sorry. I’ll leave.” You rush, ducking back down.

“Stay.” He croaks and you hesitate. “I can’t sleep. Stay and talk to me?”

“You sure you want me to?” You ask.

“I’d rather it be you than anyone else.” He admits.

You feel like leaves on the wind as you climb the rest of the way up. Swirling around in chaotic confusion. You don’t know which way is up, what to trust. You sit a little ways away, back against the wall, facing him.

“What do you want me to talk about?” You ask finally.

He drags a stick through the dirt, making scratch drawings. “I told you some stuff earlier. Spilled some of my guts. Anything you wanna tell me?” He asks finally.

“Yes.” You answer. It’s harder than you think to get these words out. “I…” you close your mouth, thinking about where to start.

“Not easy. To spill your secrets.” He muses. The pale moonlight ghosts across his face. He looks terrible. Tired, hurt, miserable.

“Anything you wanna ask me?” You prompt. “Maybe I can say it that way.”

He looks at you warily. “Will you tell me the truth?”

“Always.” You answer immediately.

“Why did you kiss me in the river?” He asks. “I’ve been thinking over it on a loop and I just can’t figure it out.”

“It felt… right. I needed to do it. I wanted to do it. You’ve always been the best person in the world to me, always taking care of me and looking out for me. And on that planet, I was losing my fucking m-mind, seeing things, hearing things. You were so patient, so kind, so… you. And I could feel tension. Not in a bad way, but pulling me towards you. I’m so sorry, Poe. I know you said I didn’t do it, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I hadn’t, if I hadn’t distracted you, you would have heard those troopers coming. You’ve never been so compromised on a mission before until you go on one with me. I fucked up so bad and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for hurting you like that.” You ramble, the dam broken and the words spill out everywhere. He doesn’t move in the shadows.

He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Your ears start to ring in the dead silence before he speaks again. “So, why kiss me in the lab?”

You sniffle quietly. “You admitted you wanted to do it again, and it’s been one of the dominating thoughts in my head since you saved me in that closet. I want to kiss you. And I like kissing you, but… the guilt… it just keeps reminding me that I’m hurting everyone. Every time I kiss you, I hurt Bryce. Every time I mention him, I hurt you. I can’t get it right. I’m turning into a plague.” You press your lips together.

“You had a nightmare in the cave. What was it?” He asks. You’re not even sure if he’s actually listening to your words, he gives no indication of hearing them.

“I,” you pause, having to think back that far. “I was hovering over myself as I slept. You were saying something but I couldn’t really hear it. Then I went outside, but it was into a First Order ship. And then I saw the tables we were attached to. And then two men fighting with lightsabers. And then…” you cut off, swallowing thickly. This part you remember, even though you wish you could forget it. “A-and then you. Y-you were fighting something I c-couldn’t see. It had a bl-blade and it killed you, stabbed you th-through the heart.” You say, gasping for breath. It feels like the surrounding air is crushing you. “I w-woke up and you weren’t there, I pa-panicked.” You twist your fingers into your blanket, hiding your face.

“Do you want to kiss me again?” He asks finally.

“Poe,”

“Do you? If you say no, I’ll never bring it up again.” He promises.

“Of course, I do. But it’s not that easy. I keep hurting you. I don’t know how not to. And being around you, it makes me happy, it makes it easier to breathe. I don’t wanna lose you. I couldn’t survive it.” You admit shamelessly.

“You won’t lose me. I won’t leave you.” He says. “One more thing.” He starts.

“Okay?”

“Do you hate the way dickhead doesn’t know how you like your caf?” He asks and you crack a tearful smile.

“Yes. It’s not hard.” You mumble.

“Come here.” He holds out his arms. “Come sit with me.”

You scoot over, resting your head on his shoulder as he spreads your blanket out over the both of you.

“I need you, too, you know. I can’t lose you, either. And if that means I have to kick Bryce from here to Tatooine, I will.” He says, nuzzling into your hair.

“Please don’t. You’ve been hurt enough on my account.” You close your eyes to him stroking your hair.

“No promises, sweetheart.” He's quiet for so long, you nearly fall asleep. “But I’m not gonna stop kissing you.” He murmurs against your hair.

With one last conscious thought, you dig into your pocket, reaching for his hand with your other one. Sleep is making your limbs like lead, heavy and clumsy. You feel him chuckle a little, placing his wrist in your fumbling palm. You place the chain in his hand, curling his fingers around it.

“Meant to give it to you earlier,” you mumble, almost certain you formed actual words.

“Y/N, ” he chokes, squeezing you tight. “Thank you.”

***

“You have to eat something.” He protests, guiding you down off the ladder. His chain is back around his neck, shimmering against his tan skin as it always has. Some day, he's going to give it to someone; someone he wants to spend the rest of forever with. Someone who isn't broken like you. Someone who actually deserves him. And you'll try to be happy for him, but you know it'll break your heart.

“Can’t you just… go get it for me?” You ask, feeling your hands start to shake at the thought of the crowd.

He smiles softly, brushing your hair back. “Sweetheart. No.”

“Poe…” you start and he cups your face.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I’ll be right there the whole time.” He promises. “But you have to eat. You need your friends. They miss you.” He looks around, noting the empty pathway. “If you need to leave, we’ll leave. Just say the word.” He presses a kiss to your forehead.

“It’s gonna be loud.” You protest as he takes your hand and leads you towards the commissary and dining hall.

“This early?” He scoffs. He pulls you along gently. You could stop him, you could let the tears free that have been simmering just under the surface since you got back. You know he wouldn’t push you to do it if you’re not ready.

But… he’s gone in there, he’s seen his friends. If he can do it, you can, too. You take an extra step, falling in next to him instead of being pulled by him and he smiles down at you proudly.

“There’s my girl.” He says softly. He holds your hand right up until you stop outside the doors. He lifts your hand to his mouth softly, eyes never leaving your face. “I’ll be right next to you.” He promises. You nod and he lowers your hand, reluctantly letting it go until not even your fingertips are touching.

He pulls open the door and lets you walk inside first. He doesn’t shove you in, instead, he waits for you to take a deep breath, smiling down at you until you straighten with a false sense of confidence, and step inside. He follows you, just barely touching your arm as he guides you to the line of food.

Despite his assurances that the room would be mostly empty, with shift changes and missions leaving early, the room is fairly crowded. You can feel his eyes on you, along with about a hundred others, but you feel better today. Stronger, even. You can do this.

You hope.

Poe picks up two trays and starts to put food on both, watching your face for positive or negative signs. You could do this yourself, you’re perfectly capable, but you like him waiting on you a little bit. Just this one time, let him dote on you.

He finds an empty table, just the two of you and he sits across from you, foot tapping against yours. They trickle over, slowly, one at a time. Your friends come to sit next to you. But this time, they don’t swarm you. They sit next to you, or next to Poe, talking to him about something trivial and you’re so grateful. It lets you get used to it again, being around people, acting human again.

You watch Poe, listening to him joke with Snap; Beaumont sets an apple on your tray as he tells Poe some gossip. And Poe sits there, listening and laughing to all of it. He interacts, partakes, and never once does he look uncomfortable or like he wants to bolt. You don’t know how he does it.

And then Lieutenant Connix walks behind him. She leans down to say something in his ear, her hand squeezing his shoulder as she talks. His hand lifts to cover her own as he twists his face to listen. After a second, he nods and she walks away.

You’ve always liked her, she’s friendly, smart, ambitious. But maybe you need to rethink your ideas. She walks quickly, her hips swaying, and you huff under your breath. Since when are she and Poe so close?

You try to listen, to distract yourself, but you can’t tear your eyes away from where the pretty girl disappeared through. Poe’s foot taps against yours and you flinch, looking up at him slowly. He smiles softly, his eyes falling to your ignored food.

You roll your eyes, picking apart your roll and taking small nibbles. After a couple minutes, Connix is forgotten as Beaumont regales the table with a story of how he got trapped in a wedding dress on Coruscant.

Soon, you’re laughing along with them. You forgot what this feels like, your face hurts from smiling so much. Poe’s beautiful eyes are on you, his own grin infectious.

A crack echoes across the big room and you jump, hands grabbing the table, ready to run. Your heart pounds in your ears and it’s like your vision completely leaves you. Snap’s hand settles on yours closest to him as he shouts something. Your brain slowly fades back in and you realize Poe has your other hand across the table and Beaumont is out of his chair, peering across the room.

Two mechs collided, neither paying attention to what was in front of them, their trays falling to the cement. That was the cracking noise.

Poe’s hand is shaking just slightly, hardly noticeable, as it covers yours, but you feel it. You twist your hand into his and he glances over at you. You smile softly, tracing your thumb over the back of his hand.

Beau sits back down next to you, his eyes searching your face for a minute before he grins. “Never boring, eh, Y/N?” He asks, his hand resting on your shoulder.

“I guess not.” You answer. You pull your hands back and pick up the apple. Poe is quicker than you thought possible, his favorite knife out and the handle pressed into your palm before you can even realize you need one.

You cut the apple in half, core out the middle on both halves and give the other half to your best friend. He’s abnormally quiet for a minute as he chews, and you wonder if maybe he’s not as okay as you thought.

“Wexley, what’s on the agenda today?” You ask Snap, half turning to face him, giving Poe time to recover.

“Well, I have a mission the day after tomorrow. So, I need to get my ship ready. There’s a part that’s being problematic. I have some mechs that are gonna look at it today and see if they can fix it.” He sighs.

“Well, if they have any problems, you can always come find me and see if I can help.” You offer and he grins.

“I just might do that.”

Once Poe is sure you’ve eaten all you possibly can without getting sick, he collects your trays and you join him to deposit them before leaving the room with a wave to your friends.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He asks and you slip your hand into his.

“Thank you for making me go.” You say, leaning into his shoulder.

“Of course.” He smiles. “And… thank you.” He sighs, scratching at the back of his neck with his free hand. You cast your mind around, trying to figure out what he could possibly be thanking you for.

“I didn’t do anything.” You frown.

“With that stupid tray… you… fuck. How are you always so strong exactly when I need you to be?”

“Poe, I was ready to bolt. The only thing stopping me was you and Snap.” You tell him. “If you hadn’t grabbed my hand to keep me there, all you would have seen was my dust as I hightailed it out of there.”

He smiles softly, but it’s weak, a little broken. “I didn’t grab your hand to keep you there. I grabbed it to keep me there.” He admits, pausing outside the door to the lab.

You stare up at him, realization dawning much too slowly. “Poe,” you place a hand on his cheek and he leans into it, eyes fluttering closed. “Anything I can do, anything you need-I’ll always be here. You’re not alone.” You whisper and he pulls you close, kissing you softly.

Every time feels like the first time. His lips press against yours like they’ve known each other forever, no hesitation. He tips your head back, towering over you as you hold onto his shirt. His tongue is soft on yours, not domineering and controlling the way… someone else’s is… your subconscious blanks on the name, but it doesn’t matter, not when Poe is kissing you like his very life depends on it. No, like your life depends on it.

He pulls away, breathing slightly faster, forehead pressed to yours. His eyes are closed, but yours are open, drinking in every detail of his beautiful face. “Me and you, kid.” He agrees and you punch his arm, a smile already pulling at your lips. His eyes fly open and he rubs his arm.

“We’re the same age.” You glower and he laughs.

“I know. But you’re so much shorter.” He puts his hand on top of your head and you slap it away, turning towards the door with a huff. You’re about to swipe your keycard, but he pulls you back, plucking it out of your pocket. He swipes it and pushes the door open, letting you step in first.

“Will you stay?” You ask, reaching for your log books.

“Yeah. I don’t have anything else to do. I’m still technically on leave, recovering from…” he trails off, but you get the picture.

“Alright.” You start checking off your supplies and notes while he moves around your lab. You don’t pay him much attention, there isn’t much trouble he can get into. But you feel better having him around.

He looks through every box on the supply shelves, every glass container. You look over at him, catching his eye being magnified through a specimen jar. He looks so ridiculous that you can’t help but snort at him. He grins and straightens up, coming over next to you.

“Didn’t find anything you liked?” You tease, flipping through the last of your notes.

“Oh, I found plenty I like. Just nothing I can take right now.” He sighs wistfully. Your face heats, so you keep your gaze directly away from him. He chuckles and sits in the spinning chair next to your bench.

Chapter Nine

Everything Tag List

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[tzuyuscloud]

Loona as Students

Heejin

Straight A student who is definitely on honor roll or higher. Is the type to cover her paper during a test as if someone is looking. Will also make sure she is the first one out of the class so that she can remind the teacher about the homework assignment.

Hyunjin

Half-ass attempts her homework assignments. Always eating bread in class even after getting a detention for it. She is the one looking at Heejin's test paper. Definitely the weird kid who randomly makes noises during the quietest times in class.

Haseul

Class President, number 1 of the class, tutors half of the school while still getting good grades and looking good while doing it. Acts like everyone's mom, but will shake her head shamefully at Heejin everytime she reminds the teacher about homework.

Yeojin

Definitely caught Heejin outside behind the dumpster after school when she reminded the teacher about the homework assignment. Copies Choerry's homework and switches a few words every now and then. Might be 4'0 but acts like she's 6'5 when it comes to arguing with her classmates. Spent half her life in detention. An ankle biter.

Vivi

Miss perfect. Straight A's and student body president. The nicest human being on earth. Is always prepared for any and everything. Never caught slacking. During her free time she is either volunteering or reading a book next to a tree because that's just how perfect she is. Wherever Haseul is, Vivi is right beside her.

Kim Lip

Homework who? Yeah no she doesn't do that. Sits in the back next to Hyeju's empty seat. Sleeps through class and if she's not sleeping she's bullying Heejin for funsies. But this girl always got some type of tea about someone though, when she sleep...she not really sleep.

Jinsoul

Spaces out during every lesson, and then bothers Chuu or Vivi for the notes. She tries her best but sometimes the birds outside are being more entertaining than the teacher standing at the front of the class.

Choerry

Happily lends her homework to Yeojin knowing damn well it's not the correct answers, just so she can watch Yeojin scribble down wrong answers at the beginning of class because she's evil like that. Constantly beefing with Yves because she seems like the type.

Yves

Gets kicked out of class at least twice a week. Overly dramatic and for what? Got into an argument with Yeojin over a pencil, and ended up throwing a book at Yeojin. Ended up suspended for that too.

Chuu

Comes to school at 7 in the morning chippy and happy with a cup of ice coffee in her hands. Gets told to shut up several times a day because she tells her class to be positive. Will not hesitate to drop kick you though. Yeojin ate her homework.

Gowon

Is side eyeing the whole class during their daily shenanigans. Never speaks because she knows if she does then the class will just mock her voice.

Olivia Hye

Her desk is dusty. You really thought she was going to school? You're funny.

[hockeyforthefirsttime]

Nolan Patrick- Coaches Niece

A/N: this feels like a mess, and probably is, however i hope someone enjoys it originally it started out as a 4+1, but like i said, messy

Word count: 6.1k

TW: some angst, mentions of cheating, arguing

Pairing: Nolan Patrick + Fem reader

You are headed to Philadelphia for college, as well as for staying with your uncle. He is a man of few words, but he always means well. When you land in Philly and he is at the airport to pick you up, you are a little surprised. You suspected that you would have to hail a taxi to get to his place, but he sent you a text saying where he is in the airport. You are a little relieved, when you realize you don’t have to sit in a car next to a stranger for however long.

It is currently 6:37 am, and you haven’t slept a wink on your flight, so you drowsily head for the luggage claim. The other people from your flight are there as well. One of them is a kid in a flyers jersey, number 19 to be precise. He can’t be more than eight years old, but he has been babbling about hockey the entire flight. You know from him that the Philadelphia Flyers have a match coming up during the weekend, so when you walk out a little behind him and his parents, you aren’t surprised that your uncle is looking at them with a distant smile. Until he sees you. The smile, it’s more there as he walks up to you and takes the suitcases from your hands.

“Hey, it’s been a while kiddo. How was the flight?”

He greets as he pats your shoulder, careful to not overstep any boundaries.

“Hey Alain, the flight was okay. Some kid was gnawing half the plane’s ears off with Flyers trivia though, didn’t sleep much.”  

You hum a little teasingly. Knowing the fact that your uncle is actually head coach for the team.

“Better get used to that kiddo.”

He chuckles as you walk to the parking lot together. He opens the trunk of the car and lets you help him put your suitcases as well as your backpack in. You don’t miss the overstuffed hockey bag that lies there as well.

“Now, I know you probably want to go home and get settled or maybe sleep, but I’ve got morning practice with the team, so you’re just gonna have to suffer through it.”

That would explain the hockey bag. You just nod as you unlock your phone and start scrolling through the messages and snaps you’ve missed on the flight.

----

You’re sort of used to being around hockey, but when you enter the Wells Fargo Centre at roughly 8am, you would rather be at home to be honest. The arena is a bit cold and you’re glad you brought a hoodie inside, as well as your beanie. They are both pretty plain; you hope to blend in with the seats.

“Okay, I’m gonna go through the locker room, but you can find a place anywhere near the ice okay?”

“Sure, Al.”

You say as you pull the hood of your hoodie up over your head, and go in the direction he pointed out for you. You’re rounding a corner when you crash into something hard. For a second you’re wondering if you’ve gone even more blind, but soon knock that thought away. The wall is actually a person, and from his dropped bag, you’re guessing that he’s one of the team players.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there.”

He says with his slightly hoarse voice, whilst bending down to pick up his stuff.

“No worries, partly my bad as well.”  

You give the man a tired smile and head for the door that leads to the rink. You take a seat near the penalty box, propping your backpack up in one chair and lay flat out on the other chairs, so that your head is resting on your backpack. You don’t think anything of the run in with the player.

Unbeknown to you, he thinks of you. He just raises the question to his coach, who looks at him with disapproving eyes as he enters the locker room five minutes late.

“It’s my niece, she is going to be staying with me for a while, so you might see more of her around here, Konecny.”

This piques the interest of the single guys on the team. All except one. He doesn’t really care about girls right now, just wanting to make sure he does the best he can on the ice. That is until he sees the figure laying near the penalty box. His heart does a little clench when he sees this girl that is laying there seemingly unbothered by the ruckus the other players are causing.

You’re not exactly unbothered, but you try your best to keep it all under wraps. You don’t NEED any hockey players screwing you over. Not again. But you should have known, rowdy hockey players will always be demanding attention. And without fail you give it to them.

Your eyes are drawn to the players joking around on the ice, doing warm ups and various reps that your uncle keeps yelling out. The session is nearing the end and the players are all chanting for a practice game, and your uncle concedes, saying that nothing prepares you for a game like actually playing a game.

You sit up, deciding that trying to sleep is going to be futile, and decide to watch the training session, just to entertain yourself. You can’t recognize anyone, more specifically the guy you crashed into earlier.

Following the puck with your eyes, you admire the players chasing it, their technique is pretty good and while they aren’t as serious or quick as they usually would be, you can tell they are still as swift. They aren’t wearing numbers for training, but there is one guy that seemingly always comes closer to your side. You don’t take notice of it at first, but after he crashes into the wall separating the ice and the tribunes, you take a closer look. Starting to follow him around the rink, reading his play. It even seems like he has realized this, that he has caught your attention, because he now plays more all over the ice.

Hes tall, and you can see darker tufts of hair peeking out from underneath his helmet. There seems to be only one other player who has noticed his askew skating. They are currently playing on opposing teams and as they come closer to your side of the rink, you recognize one of them as the man you crashed into earlier. He body checks the taller man into the wall, playfully. You can see his lips moving as he chirps something into the ear of the taller man. You don’t hear it though. But you see the little smirk he sends in your direction.

------

You often come to the Flyers games if you can, and today after a series of away losses you really feel like supporting the team and your uncle. They end up winning against the capitals and some of the guys decide to invite you to celebrate with them, as well as to get to know you better. Even though it’s a wednesday you still say yes, as classes start later on thursdays.

You are waiting outside the locker room as first reporters exit, coaching and staff and later team members. Lately you have been texting TK, the guy you crashed into on your first day in Philly. It was actually him who had invited you out to celebrate, so now you were here standing outside the locker room, just waiting for them to emerge.

“Hey Y/N! How are you?” You look up from your phone and see TK and the taller man from the first day. You now know him as Nolan, or Nols, just to annoy him.

“Hey TK, I’m good, congrats on the win!”

You smile up at him, going in for a congratulatory hug. He lifts you up in his strong arms and spins you around once before setting you down. Nolan just looks at you a bit awkwardly, right hand rubbing his neck.

You ride with the two of them to the bar. It’s filled with the two of them recapping the game and the radio on low. You just sit in the backseat smiling at the two boys talking about the stuff they do best, always trying to do better. It’s a stark contrast to your ex. He usually blamed everything on everyone else.

While everyone is piling in the doors to the bar you enter last with Nolan, who has held your door open, and stuck by your side as you walked to the door. TK was quick out though, eager to get drunk in celebration.

“So what did you think of the game Y/N?”

He almost mumbles in that deep dark voice of his.

“It was a pretty good game, everyone played decently well.”

You smile at him as he opens the door to the bar. It is filled to the brim with people in orange, not only team players, but a lot of fans as well. It scares you sometimes, almost being in on the insanity that is hockey.

“What does pretty good mean?”

He wonders out loud.

“Well, you had some mishaps as well as shots and passes that should have worked out, but overall a good game.”

He looks at you curiously.

“You sound just like coach Alain.”

Trying to supress the laughter that threatens to escape you isn’t as successful as you’d like for it to be, but you think you manage to hide the smile on your lips.

“You have a pretty smile.”

Nolan mumbles, and you almost miss it as you walk over to the bar.

“Hmm?”

You question out of reflex. Looking up at the tall man, you expect him to repeat what he said, just for good measure as you almost missed it due to the loud music playing.

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He says, ordering a beer. You just shrug, ordering a cider.

“Put it on my tab.”

He says to the bartender. You smile to yourself, but don’t comment on it.

“Well, I’m gonna go play some pool. You’re welcome to join if you want to, I promised TK a round before he gets too drunk.”

You could swear his face falls just a little bit as you mention his team mate, but you try not to overthink it as you make your way over to the tables where the team has gathered. You notice that Nolan has hung back a little. Not following as closely as he did when you entered.

You arrive at the pool tables just in time for a new game. You and Ghostie decide to play against TK and Carter, hoping to win.

Turns out, Ghostie is absolutely terrible at pool. Which means that against the goalie and the forward, you’re barely keeping up even with how much training in pool you have. It doesn’t help that the chirps go to Ghostie's head. Which makes him, if possible, even worse. Just for funsies you throw in some as well, just to mess with him.

Suddenly half the team starts cheering and TK yells out.

“Heyy Patty, just in time to save the damsel from playing another round with Ghostie.”

“I’m not that terrible.”

Ghostie protests.

“My back is literally breaking from carrying the team. I’m sorry man, but you're going to the bench.”

He hangs his head comically low, and you pat it, as he hands the pool cue over to Nolan. He proceeds to wink at you with that stupid smirk all over his face.

That was the birth of the meanest pool duo the team had seen in a while.

----------

You’re in the middle of a lecture when your phone lights up with a snapchat notification. You have turned vibration and sound off, but your eyes are still drawn to the device. As they have been doing for the last few days. Professor Ericsson has been drawing on about the Hidden Markov Model for ages explaining the same thing over and over, going in circles making things more confusing than it has to be. That’s why you decide to pick up your phone with your sweater covered hands and open the snap.

It’s Nolan, he’s sent a message in the chat.

Hey, want to meet up and play some pool later? Just to make sure were on top of our game next time the team goes out?

You smile a little, looking at the screen.

Sure, but I’m in a lecture now, I’ll text you when I’m out.

You type out the message carefully before hitting send, before flipping the phone upside down so you can’t see the response before you leave class.

Professor Ericsson keeps you five minutes past his time, but luckily it’s the last class of the day and you are amongst the first out the door. Tired of all the talking, you plug your music in and open snapchat as you head towards the library.

- Oh shit, sorry

The message reads and you smile to yourself.

- No worries, out now tho:)

Your coat is off  and you sling your backpack to the floor before sending a second message.

- What bar? when?

The response is almost immediate after. You can’t help the little butterflies in your stomach, but you sure as hell can try to ignore them.

- John’s at 8?

He suggests, and you can’t think of any place or time better, so you agree and start studying the Hidden Markov model, trying to get it as well as the examples. Knowing yourself you set an alarm for seven, just to make sure you remember to meet up with Nolan. You have just gotten into the flow of things when said alarm goes off. That is also when you realise that you haven’t got a ride to the bar.

- Hey Nols, mind picking me up at the university? If you’re passing by.

You vaguely know where Nolan lives and hope he hasn’t left yet.

- Sure, on my way!

It’s an actual snap this time, a short video of him opening and closing his door with the text in the middle of the screen. Snapping a picture of yourself with a thumb up, you deem it as enough of an answer. You pack your backpack again and head for the main entrance. It’s cold out and frost is lying heavy on the ground. You pull your scarf higher up so it covers your nose.

Soon Nolan is pulling up and you get into the car, slinging your backpack into the backseats of the SUV.

“Hey, thanks for picking me up Nols”

You smile as he pulls out out of the campus and onto the road.

“No worries, I was gonna pass by either way.”

He answers, as you take in the inside of the car. It smells of energy drink and shampoo, which is explained by the red bull in his cup holder and his wet hair. He’s wearing jeans and a gray hoodie. You assume the jacket in the back is his.

“Straight from practice I’m guessing?”

You ask, looking over at him.

“Yeah, Alain was tough today. Fair warning, I think he might be in a bad mood when you get home.”

Nolan mumbles the last part, seemingly a little embarrassed. That’s when you remember you’ll have to let your uncle know you might be home late, just so he doesn’t get worried.

“That reminds me, I’ll have to shoot him a message.”

You say as Nolan parks the car. He exits before you, after grabbing his coat from the backseat. You type the message for your uncle and hit send. When you hear your door opening you’re a little surprised to find Nolan grinning down at you leaning lightly on the door.

“C’mon, we don’t have all day.”

He smiles. You exit the car, making sure you have your wallet and hear the door shut as Nolan slams it closed and locks the car. Together you walk into the bar. The bartender gives you a nod as you head for one of the open pool tables.

“Want anything to drink?”

Nolan asks politely as he hangs his coat on the back of a chair.

“I’ll just take a sprite, if you don’t mind.”

He nods and heads off to the counter to order. Meanwhile you grab a cue and line up the balls correctly in the triangle. The table is well used, evident by the green felt that has been worn white in some spots.

“I don’t mind if you drink, you know. Even if I don’t.”

Nolan says as he returns with one glass of coke and one with sprite. He sets the glasses down on the table closest to you.

“Nahh, I don’t like myself when I’m drunk anyway, plus I have classes in the morning.”

Nolan nods his head in an understanding way as he grabs a cue for himself.

“Want to split? Or should I?”

You smile, standing at the opposite side of the table to him.

“I’ll split if you don’t mind.”

He answers and goes to the right side of the table, and lines up his shot. You shake your head before you can even begin to admire him. Instead focusing on the game, seeing as he lands one solid into a pocket and the rest of the balls spread sort of evenly across the green felt. You nod in admiration; he still knows how to play.

“That’s good! Let’s see if you can keep it up.”

Chirping him seems to be the easiest way to carry conversation, without it getting too deep. Because if there is one thing you’ve learned about competitive boys, is that you don’t want to have a full blown conversation in the midst of a game. And the fact that he misses his next shot makes it a little more interesting. It goes back and forth like that for a while, you chirping him, and him chirping you.

You’ve played three games now, and even though it's him in the lead with one point, and you don’t want to lose, time is ticking and you should get home soon.

“Okay, this is not finished, I’m still gonna beat your ass in this game.”

You grumble on your way out to the car. Nolan just smiles at you, shaking his head.

“You know, the car isn’t gonna be cold enough for you to wrap that scarf around your head every time?”

He mumbles close to your ear, making you stop your movements as heat rises to your cheeks. He opens the door to exit the bar for you, and immediately you see a shiver run through his body as the cold winter air slithers in.

“No? But it’s still cold outside though, don’t you think?”

You say lowly as you lead the way back to the car. You’re feeling snug and warm, wrapped up in the gray, knit infinity scarf. Nolan never ceases to surprise you with his manners as he opens the passenger door for you, letting you enter the car first. As he closes the door for you, you lean forward and adjust the AC to low, just to mess with him.  

The entire ride to Alain's apartment is filled with Nolan huffing and pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his knuckles. You guessed right when you thought he was stubborn. He hadn’t even looked at the AC controls, so determined that the car would heat up soon. You are pretty sure he regrets tossing his coat to the backseat again.

He is pulling up on the curb of the apartment complex, and for some reason you don’t feel quite ready to leave, but you know you’ll have to.

“Thanks for tonight, I had a good time.”

You smile, looking at Nolan. A soft, almost shy smile is on his lips.

“Yeah, me too. We’ll have to hang some time later.”

He says, looking directly at you. Maybe hockey boys aren’t as bad as you thought. You pick your backpack from the backseat and open the door, but before you close it completely you turn and look at Nolan with a mischievous look in your eyes.

“And Nols? You should probably turn up the heat on the AC.”

------------

Studying is probably the most tedious fun thing you do. Because, while you love system engineering, it’s a tough major and some of the classes are kicking your ass. So when your phone rings repeatedly you take it as a welcome excuse to take a break. However, you regret it just a little when you see Travis’ face light up the screen.

“Waddup, you complete and utter nuisance?”

You answer him before he has the chance to say something first.

“Wazzup, you nerd.”

He smiles back at you.

“Not nerd, it’s called college degree.”

You shoot back at him, playfully.

“You mean to say that my work isn’t actually work?”

Travis acts hurt, you can see the joking glint in his eyes though.

“Yeah, but I can see that it pays your bills though, so let’s call it a job…. for now.”

He laughs while looking at something in the background, before looking back at you.

“So, what big engineering theme are we working on today?”

Travis asks like he cares. You know he doesn’t though so you don’t bore him with small details.

“The Hidden Markov Model, it has to do with probability and stuff like that.”

You can hear rummaging and someone talking in the background of Travis’ end. He looks up at someone before you hear them speak.

“Who are you talking to?”

You could recognize that deep voice anywhere, even though the crackling of your speaker. Of course Nolan is around.

“Your girlfriend.”

Travis answers with a smirk on his lips. Nolan doesn’t show up in the frame, but from the way Travis gives you a cheeky little side eye, you’re guessing Nolan is giving him a death stare.

“Shut the fuck up Teeks.”

You just chuckle, not thinking it is anything serious.

“I don’t date hockey players anyway.”

It’s meant to be light hearted, really, and you don’t think anything of it as you speak up. But when Travis looks at you, slightly shocked and Nolan does appear on the screen, you suddenly feel a bit judged.

“Wait, really?”

Travis questions, looking at you curiously, you don’t notice the way he side eyes Nolan though.

“Yeah? I don’t get the big deal?”

You are confused to be honest. Why would they care about who you date anyway?

“Well, why won’t you date any hockey players?”

Nolan asks. He is trying to play it cool, you can tell. And you have to wonder, if you have sent the wrong signals.

“‘S just, I dated this Penns player a while ago, turned out that he was too busy for me, or never really cared for all I know. He ended up cheating on me while he was away for some games.”

The feeling of  something gathering in the bottom of your stomach makes you feel sick, you would rather not bring all this back up again. It doesn’t help, when you look back up at the screen and see Nolan with furrowed brows and Travis looking generally uncomfortable.

“It’s stupid, I know. And I shouldn't judge people based on him. Anyhow, how are we feeling about the game tomorrow?”

You try to shift the conversation to something else. Of course you haven’t got that much luck.

“We’re playing the Penns tomorrow, you do know that.. right?”

Nolan utters, and all that goes through your head is FUCKFUCKFUCK. Because how in the everlasting fuck could you forget that they were playing the Penns tomorrow? It’s all Alain has been talking about for the last couple of days.

“I completely forgot that’s who you were playing.”  

The sigh that slips past your lips doesn’t go unnoticed by the two boys.

“Well, I’ll be in the stands cheering for you boys.”

Smiling feels heavy and you can tell they don’t really believe it. The silence between the two boys is confirmation enough. And it lasts for a second, until Nolan breaks it.

“Who was it?”

He inquires. The question itself feels a little prying, but by the way he mumbles it you know it’s not intended to be.

“Does it matter?”

You ask, voice almost cracking, hoping he will budge.

“Yeah it matters, he hurt you.”

And he speaks so clearly, there really isn’t any question about it. And in a moment of weakness and hurt you let it slip.

“Marcus Pettersson, okay. No biggie. I’m gonna go to bed now you should too.”

You add before hanging up.

----------

You barely sleep last night, and the sleep you get gives you nothing at all. The hours spent at university are only manageable because of two cans of red bull. For some reason it makes you think of Nolan, about the smell of red bull in his car alongside the shitty shower gel scent that filled up the space. For some reason, the moment you pop open the can, you think it suited him.

“Wanna come out later?”

Alex from your last class asks you as the two of you exit the lecture hall. Usually you would have said yes, considering Alex is pretty cute and you have been harbouring a crush on them for the last few months. However the excitement you thought you would feel is not there. No, because your first priority tonight is a fucking hockey game.

“Thank you for asking, but I have some other plans I have to follow through with, but maybe some other time?”  

You smile at them as you both head towards the main doors.

“No stress then, I will definitely keep that in mind.”

Alex winks at you before holding open the door. You exit together, but each of you head for opposite directions. While they start to head for their car, you start towards the main entrance, where you hope your Uber is waiting. He is in fact not, so you take the time to plug in the earbuds and turn on some music.

When the correct car pulls up, you greet the driver and let him know you’re ready to go. After ten minutes you’re at the Wells Fargo Centre, and you pay, as well as rate the driver five stars.

Using one of the side entrances you start to make your way towards the rink. You’ve been around enough for people to recognize you, but it still feels weird walking around here and hear greetings all around the place. Even if you’re wearing the hoodie, people seem to know who you are.

“Hey sleepyhead.”

But you don’t expect to hear that voice. Not yet. You have barely closed in on the wardrobes. He isn’t supposed to be here. He is supposed to be on the rink warming up. Shit.

“What do you want, Pettersson.”

You almost snarl as you turn around to look at him. He doesn’t look as mean anymore, and the voice he uses isn’t as arrogant.

“To say hey?”

He questions as you look at him, raising your brows.

“It’s been a while.”

He adds, trying to sound innocent. You don’t buy it for a second.

“It’s been a while for a reason.”

You scowl at him, trying to walk away before this turns into something you don’t want to be involved in.

“Wait! Please.”

Marcus says, making you turn around.

“I married her you know.”

He confesses to you softly. And that’s what breaks you for the day. With the little sleep, last night, and him ripping at your old wounds.

“I fucking know Marcus, and that's the worst part! You told me you didn’t want anything serious, you told me you couldn’t commit like that. And not even a year later you’re married! Okay. I get that, I didn’t have to be the one. But I know I deserve the respect of being broken up with in a proper manner. So truly, I know, and I don’t care about it.”

Angrily you wipe the tears that have dared to slip down your cheeks, and nothing is upsetting you more than the fact that he can still make you cry.

“I just wanted you to know, I hope I haven't ruined you for anyone else.”

He almost whispers, and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“Don’t think so fucking highly of yourself, I’m for no one to ruin.”

You seethe and walk away for the last time. Some of the players from the home team are still outside the wardrobe, which is placed after the away teams. You can spot Carter and Kevin, even Claude is out here. But while your eyes only glide over them, your eyes stick to Nolan. He looks at you, knowing you just lied through your teeth to Marcus, and you hope to some sort of entity that he doesn’t out you for it. And he doesn’t. Even if he looks like he wants to say something.

You brush past the team, up to the VIP booth that has a bathroom connected to it. You look into the mirror, and see a distraught person looking back. With tears streaked through the concealer you used to cover up the dark circles under your eyes, they now seem more prominent.

Digging into your backpack you find some makeup wipes and clean your face before going to your usual spot in the regular stands. You sit there and wait for the game to begin. And when it does, it’s an intense one.

Your uncle seems to be happy for it, cause the guys are playing impeccably. Their passes are powerful and their skates cut across the ice faster than you’ve seen in a while. First period is pretty even though. Both teams are passing great, but at the end the Flyers pierce thought the Penns' defence by having Travis tackle Marcus and Nolan sending the puck flying into the goal. You jump in excitement as the horn blares across the stadium, although you see the angry way the Flyers are playing.  

Second period is the same, however the Penns seem to be gaining on the Flyers and not before long, Crosby scores on Carter. While the other side of the rink bursts into celebration, you sink down into your seat, next to the Flyers' penalty box.

A few minutes before the second period is over, Travis is sent to the box beside you. He gives you a worried glance, which you meet, but then you spot fans standing up in their seats and start yelling. You’re worried, and that worry is not unfounded, because Nolan has dropped gloves on fucking Marcus Pettersson.

You don’t notice it, but your every action is viewed by Travis. He watches with hesitation as you sink down into your seat, and then with surprise as you get up and put your hands to your mouth just as the first hit from Nolan lands in Marcus’ gut. Marcus folds a little, but manages to aim a hit towards Nolan's head. Never in your entire life have you been more happy for helmets. One referee has come over to them and is trying to get in between. Nolan lands a final hit before they each get pulled to their own team. Nolan gets called for a body check and is sent off the ice for five minutes.

Nolan is currently getting checked out by the physio team, and with his previous head injuries, you have to admit that you’re worried. Not one thought isn’t about him and his head, possibly his fists as well.

Before a sane thought can strike your brain you rush to the checkout room. Travis gives a small smile, before entering the ice again. You fly by all the security with a hidden pass you have kept underneath your shirt, and knock on the door before you think twice. But the second it takes them to open the door makes your head spin. You know what it looks like and you don’t want those rumors for either of your sakes. He probably doesn’t even want you there either.

You’re just about to turn around and leave, when Catherine from the physio team opens the door. She looks equals parts shocked and confused when she sees you.

“Hey, Y/N, he can’t really see anyone right now, as we’re still not finished with his check up.”

“Oh, that's okay.”

Your mind is going in overdrive, hoping he hasn’t heard who’s at the door. You don’t have such luck.

“Hey, it’s okay, let her in.”

His voice seems to calm you down. Something about how smooth his voice is. So you take a careful step into the room. Nolan, thank god, seems to be doing alright. His cheeks are tinted pink and he has a slight smile on his lips. That’s also the moment you realise he is shirtless.

Catherine walks up to him and you have no idea how she keeps her cool.

“Now, just stare straight ahead, please.”

She tells him, and his gray gaze settles on yours. Not wavering for a second, not even when Catherine shines a flashlight into his eyes. After a few seconds she puts down the flashlight.

“You seem to be all good, Patrick.”

She takes the hint, from your twiddling thumbs and Nolan's intense stare.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She says as she closes the door behind her.

“I’m.. Nols, I was so worried about you.”

You decide to say, not knowing if there is a better option. He just pats the spot beside him on the bench, indicating for you to sit next to him.

“You know, I’ve been waiting to do that for quite some time.”

And for a second you feel a little angry with him.

“You’ve been waiting to possibly not be able to play again?”

The question comes out incredulous, and you don’t know how he could risk it like that. He sighs.

“No, I’ve been waiting to knock Pettersson on his ass for a while now. He is, if possible, the the most frustrating defenseman ever.”

He admits out loud. You can’t help but sigh as you know where he is coming from.

“That’s not the only reason though.”

Nolan mumbles, and you can feel his hand next to yours.

“I kind of figured.”

You whisper, letting reality sink in. But, just as you’re about to explain, Alain walks into the room. Things never seem to go in your favour.

“You good to go Nolan?”

He stops dead in his tracks when he sees you.

“Yes, sir.”

You feel Nolan automatically straighten his back, ready to get out there again.

“Y/N?”

Your uncle asks confused.

“I’ll just head out Al.”

“I expect an explanation when we get home, miss.”

You nod your head, and a feeling of blood rushing to your cheeks almost overwhelms you as Nolan squeezes your hand discreetly when you get up.

-----

The Flyers end up winning on overtime, with Laughton scoring the second goal. And while all the players go out, you decide you need to talk to your uncle. You’re sitting in his car waiting for him to do his last few rounds, when Nolan shows up outside your window. He is quiet, when he should be riding on a high from winning. However when you open the door and step out into the frigid air, a warm smile makes its way onto his face.

“What are you gonna tell your uncle?”

You ponder the question for a few seconds, unsure of what to answer.

“I don’t really know. How do I tell him that I want to date one of his players?”

And that’s the one and only second you regret saying anything at all. Nolan's face moves from a slight worried smile, to a full blown smirk, confidence rolling off him in waves, and it’s worth all the chirping. Because he finally looks like he should after a win.

“You want to date me?”

You don’t want to smile, but when he wiggles his brows excessively, while getting closer to you, you can’t help it.

“Fuckin’ yes, okay? I’m sorry it took me so long to realize, Nols.”

He chuckles and wraps you up in his arms, and you positively melt right there. His arms around your shoulders and yours around his waist.

“I wanna date you too.”

Nolan mumbles into your ear, his deep voice vibrating through your head.

[cranesofibycus]

a collection of CR headcanons

A week ago I asked for 29 Critical Role headcanons for my 29th birthday. I got 33. Thank you all so much for sending them in, they made that day such a good one. I thought I’d share the joy, so here they are! 

Jester

At some point, for funsies, Artagan tied Sprinkle's life force to Jester's, so the weasel has her hitpoints (@iisuikyouii)

Jester's Spiritual Guardians make tiny rainbow poops. (@kaarchin)

Post-campaign, Jester writes her own wildly successful smutty romance novel. (@the-littlest-goblin)

Sprinkle is just the tiniest bit magical. I don’t know how or what kind of magic, but he is. (@the-littlest-goblin)

Jester is much older than we all think. (anonymous)

Beau

Years in the future, teenage TJ runs away from home to visit Beau at the Zadash Cobalt Soul. He ends up going back eventually but they have a very nice bonding weekend where she teaches him how to throw a proper punch and tells him he doesn’t have to take over the family business if he doesn’t want to. (@the-littlest-goblin)

At some point when she’s much older Beau will need reading glasses but she will refuse to wear them, much to Caleb’s annoyance. She will place books on the other side of the table in the library and squint really hard “SEE, I DON’T NEED GLASSES. THIS IS FINE” (anonymous)

Veth

Veth loves being back in her halfling body but sometimes she misses the freedom of being seen as a feral goblin and getting away with all kinds of “nasty” behavior. (anonymous)

Luc has a level in rogue by the time he’s ten. (@the-littlest-goblin)

Veth taught Caleb how to braid her hair so now it has become their morning ritual. (anonymous)

Caleb

Caleb's mom had a difficult pregnancy and birth, which is why he's an only child in a farming community (@iisuikyouii)

Caleb is like 5'4" and the only people in the group shorter than him is Veth and somehow miraculously Jester by like half an inch (@ishti-ishti)

When the blumendrei were at school, whenever Astrid and Caleb went on dates Eodwulf would end up going with them and it was just a thing, because they didn’t realize they were in a polycule. (anonymous)

There is a librarian at the Soltryce Academy who often wonders what happened to the kind, blue-eyed, red-haired boy who ran about the stacks, piled books high on his table like The Candles of the Shimmerward. A stronghold of a mind sat in their shadows, but awe, wonder, and ambition showed on his face. He'd leave, often in the company of 2 of his classmates. That made the librarian happiest. A mind like that belonged in the light. (@swagsolidarity)

Caduceus

Caduceus cooking for people to bring them closer together is something he picked up from his Aunt, and is one of those "third kid" gifts - something for him to stand after Colton and Calliope. (@iisuikyouii)

Caduceus Clay is aro ace!! (anonymous)

Caduceus has secret therapy sessions with Sprinkle. (anonymous)

Fjord

Sabien is Fjord’s former lover and that’s part of the reason he’s desperate to find him. (anonymous)

If Fjord had made it to the Soltryce Academy he would’ve become Trent’s newest pet-experiment, possibly training with Eodwulf (anonymous)

Fjord is not from Wildemount (but he’s not an alien either lol) (anonymous)

Yasha

Yasha actually has a lovely singing voice and a knack for music and her low performance score is because she sings too quietly for anyone to hear and she makes really weird and off-putting faces when she's focusing on an instrument. (anonymous)

Zuala made the first move with Yasha, because Yasha was as horribly awkward with her as she is now with Beau. (@the-littlest-goblin)

Molly

Lucien/Molly has at least some recollection of his time as Molly, and the Tomb Takers have hired the Bad-Luck Bandits to aid them at this time. (@cattatra)

Vox Machina

After c1, Percy and Keyleth get a set of mirrors enchanted so they can have fantasy facetime chats whenever. His hangs above his desk so she can see him and out to the grounds through the window. She takes hers on walks while they chat and shows him the gardens or her sun tree, or sometimes they just kinda virtually hang out while they work. (@a-case-for-wonder)

I can imagine Keyleth and Caduceus hitting it off and becoming nature-loving buddies that meet up for tea (taking my wholesome headcanon and making it kinda sad: they're both much more long-lived than their parties so they can take solace in each other) (@flowersforvex)

Misc

The big bad end boss is Tharizdun; we are SO not done with that guy yet and since two the shackles are in Rexxentrum and Whitestone it actually makes sense that VM might be occupied elsewhere while we see the MN's point of view. (@flowersforvex)

Yussa is a client of Marion's, but he also has agoraphobia so they're erotic pen pals. That bathtub was his gift to her. (@swordshapedleaves)

The gods walk among Exandria. (@alan713ch) 

If Essek ever gets the option to be consecuted he refuses since he never wants to live without the M9 and he knows already he'll be doing that for at least 1000 years and he doesn’t vibe with it. (@adira-trek)

Essek is ace (@the-littlest-goblin)

Reani and Fen do eventually get married.  (@the-littlest-goblin)

The housekeeper that the m9 hired basically moved into the Xhorhaus and has been living it up there rent-free. One time Essek went by and found her chilling on the rooftop garden. (@the-littlest-goblin)

Everyone in the m9 is either autistic or has ADHD or both. (@rwbypro)

[canarygirl1017]

Ghosted - Chapter 1

Pairing: Reader / Jungkook, Reader / Taehyung (past relationship, friends to lovers to friends)

Genre:  College!au, fluff, angst, supernatural drama, smut, friends to lovers, emotional trauma, hurt/comfort

Length:  11, 400k words

Warnings:  language, episodes of anxiety, panic attacks, sexual themes in later chapters 

Summary:  Living in a world full of things only you have the ability to see, growing up with Jungkook has been your island amidst the chaos. But when your best friend makes an impossible request, your friendship is fractured, and your sudden decision to cut ties and move abroad changes everything. Three years later, Jungkook is thriving at university as he begins his junior year. He’s a star athlete, member of a popular fraternity, and every girl’s ideal boyfriend. He tells himself that he’s long forgotten you and the friendship he never had a chance to mend – that is, until you show up on campus as a transfer student with new friends in tow. It’s been three years, and everything has changed, but the biggest change is you. Your new found determination to use your abilities to help the ghosts you used to live in fear of, no matter how dangerous it might be, makes Jungkook fear he’ll lose you before he has a chance to fix what he broke. College AU. 

A/N:  This was based on a short story prompt I received in my writers’ group, so I’m adapting it as a JJK story. I’ll post the last part of Hands On Me next, and then Chapter 2 of this one. I’m also going to make a Masterlist this week to make things easier to find. 

Disclaimer: Just for funsies, I don’t believe in real-life shipping. But I like to write, and I like fandom, so here we are. Please do not duplicate this work or repost anywhere else without permission. 

 Chapter 1

You couldn’t remember a time when you didn’t see the shadows. They were less scary when you were young – too young to understand what you were seeing. Too young to understand how they could hurt you.

But you’d always remember the exact moment that Jungkook became the most important person in your world.

When your father died and your mother remarried, you moved back to the town where your mom grew up. They bought a house in a quiet suburban neighborhood, and near one of your mother’s childhood friends whose family lived two doors down.

You and Jungkook were five years old then, and though your mothers frequently got you together for play dates with the other neighborhood kids, you didn’t exactly bond right away. Jungkook was always on the move, and you liked finding quiet spots away from everyone.

That changed the year you turned eight. Though your birthday was a month earlier than his, your mothers had begun throwing joint birthday parties when you were six. This year the party was at the nearby lake at Jungkook’s request – a noisy affair with several of Jungkook’s friends from school as well as kids from your neighborhood. The fathers were grilling, and Jungkook’s older brother, Jin, was playing in the water with two of his friends and their younger sisters.

Your mother kept pushing you to play with the other kids, but you knew that you made them uncomfortable. As if they could sense that you were different, they kept their distance. You were scared of many things they didn’t understand, and you spent your school days alone. So, at your own birthday party, you sat on the sidelines, knees drawn to your chest as you watched the activity. 

______________

 Jungkook glanced over at you as he tossed a ball back and forth with his friend, Jimin. You had completely isolated yourself from everyone as soon as you arrived. It was nothing unusual, but it still bothered him because this was supposed to be your party too.

He’d seen kids teasing you at school, and he’d done his best to quietly put a stop to it. Since you were in a different class, he wasn’t sure how your school days went but judging by the way the girls ignored you, he was guessing not that well. When he missed the ball that Jimin threw, he forced his attention back to their game.

“She always looks sad,” Jimin said. “The kids in her class say mean things about her.”

“I know,” Jungkook said. “I try to play with her, like after school, but she never wants to.”

“Do you think it’s true?”

“Is what true?”

Jimin hesitated. “Two girls from her class are saying she’s crazy – that she sees things.”

“Huh? Who said that?” It was the first time Jungkook had heard that.

“Lily and Hanna,” Jimin answered. “They said she talks to herself a lot, and she was talking to someone in the bathroom, telling them to go away, but no one else was there. It was just her. They’re saying she talks to ghosts.”

Jungkook frowned as he thought about that. It was true that he’d heard you talking to yourself before, but not in some crazy way. He’d never thought much about ghosts beyond the scary movies he sometimes watched with Jin, and he wasn’t sure he believed in them.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” he asked as he tossed the ball to Jimin again.

“I don’t know,” Jimin said with a shrug. “But I guess it doesn’t really matter if we believe in them or not if it’s something that scares her. I feel sorry for her, always sitting alone like she does.”

Jungkook thought about that as he played with his friends. When the food was ready, he loaded up a plate and took it over to join you where you sat on a blanket reading. “Happy birthday, y/n.”

You looked up and stared at him for a moment before replying. “Happy birthday.”

“I brought some food we can share,” he said as he sat down and placed the plate between you. He’d piled on hot dogs and short ribs and, at the last minute, he’d remembered that you liked his mom’s potato salad and bean salad. He probably should have used two plates because it was a little messy now.

Your eyes widened. “That’s a lot of food.”

“I eat a lot,” he admitted as he grabbed a hot dog. “These hot dogs are really good. My dad bought the good sausage for today.” When he offered it to you, you took it without protest.

You both ate in silence for a while as all the parents filled plates for the kids. Eventually Jungkook’s mom brought out the cake, much to his excitement. “Come on, we have to blow out the candles.”

He didn’t give you time to hang back like you always did. Your mom seemed surprised but pleased when you ran up together. “We’re lighting the candles so get your wishes ready.”

Jungkook bounced, excited as he thought about his wish. He looked over at you and asked, “Do you know what you’re gonna wish for?”

You shrugged. “I always make the same wish, but it never comes true. So I don’t care anymore.”

That dimmed his excitement. “Maybe you can tell your parents and they can help?”

“They can’t help me.”

Jungkook watched his mom light the candles as he thought about what you said. “Make it one more time.”

“Why?”

“Because I changed my wish, and you shouldn’t give up if you really want something.”

“But…”

“Just do it,” he said, nudging you forward.

“Fine,” you said, a grumpy tone to your voice.

You both waited until everyone finished singing and then Jungkook looked over at you. “Ready?”

You nodded, and together you blew out the candles on the cake.

“Why did you change your wish?” you asked as you waited for the cake cutting.

“My first wish was for a new game player,” he said. “But your wish must be important or you wouldn’t keep asking for it. So I wished that you would get your wish.”

It was a little embarrassing saying it out loud, but then you smiled and he realized it was the first time he’d ever seen you really smile.

After you ate your cake, Jungkook wanted to go into the water.

You shook your head when he suggested it. “I can’t swim and earlier I thought…”

“What?” he asked.

“I thought I saw something in the water,” you said quietly.

Jungkook remembered what Jimin had said earlier. It was a sunny day, and the water sparkled as kids splashed around in it. “You can wear a life jacket. And I’ll stay with you.”

______________________

 You sat gingerly on the end of the pier and checked your life jacket buckles again. Looking out at the water, you wondered if you had just imagined that you saw something before. Now, the water looked inviting and fun. Jungkook jumped in and swam over to Jin to ask him to come swim with you. You saw them talking and then Jungkook gave you a thumbs up as he began swimming back towards you.

You lowered your legs over the side of the pier, testing the water with your toes. Suddenly, something swirled in the water near your right foot. Thinking it was a fish, you leaned forward to take a closer look and recoiled in horror when a woman’s face appeared below the surface. Before you could move back, a hand grasped your ankle and pulled you in.

The water was warm, but a chill invaded your entire body as you opened your eyes to see the waxy white face again, mouth open in a frozen, silent scream. The woman’s dark hair spread out around her like a cloud, blending into the shadowy depths as she began pulling you.

You kicked, arms flailing wildly, and broke free. Your life jacket bobbed you to the surface and you screamed as you dog paddled frantically towards Jungkook, who was only a couple of feet away.

Jungkook reached you and wrapped both arms around you as he pulled you towards the shore. Then you felt cold fingers wrap around your ankle again. You didn’t even have time to scream before you were pulled below the surface.

But this time Jungkook was there fighting with you, refusing to let go as he pulled back with all his strength. You kicked and kicked, finally freeing yourself a second time. Jin was there now, helping Jungkook pull you up, and the three of you surfaced, gasping for air.

You couldn’t stop shivering as Jin carried you out of the water, a concerned Jungkook right behind you. The shore was chaos as the other kids ran out of the water, and parents were crowding around trying to figure out what had happened.

Jungkook’s father quickly removed your lifejacket and wrapped a blanket around you as he asked Jin what happened.

“I don’t know,” Jin answered, sounding confused. “It was like a current pulled her down.”

“This lake doesn’t usually have strong currents,” his father said. “It’s been years since I heard about any kind of accident here.”

You were distantly aware of your mom and Jungkook’s mom both fussing around you, but you tuned them out and focused instead on Jungkook’s hand still grasping yours tightly. Eventually the adults moved away and began packing up the food since no one wanted to go back into the water.

When you were finally alone, Jungkook asked, “What was that?”

You stared at him. “Could you see her?”

He shook his head. “But I saw how you got pulled into the water. You didn’t fall – I’m sure of it. And under the water… I couldn’t see it, but I felt like something was there.”

“I’m not allowed to talk about this,” you said, staring down at your lap. “If my mom or my stepfather hear me, I’ll be in trouble.”

“Then just tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”

You swallowed, the metallic taste of fear on your tongue as you whispered. “Water ghost. She was so scary.”

Jungkook let go of your hand and for a horrible moment, you thought he might leave, as eager to be away from you as everyone else who thought you were strange. Instead he wrapped his arm around you.

“You see them at school too?”

“Sometimes,” you answered. “They don’t always know I can see them ‘cause I’m good at pretending I don’t. But sometimes they know, and then they get scary.”

“Can they all hurt you like she did?” he asked.

You shook your head. “No. Sometimes people walk right through ghosts. And I’ve seen a few ghosts move things, but they’ve never hurt me.”

“I wonder how she could do that then,” he said, staring out at the water. “And why she didn’t try to pull any other kids away.”

You didn’t answer, but you thought you knew why. It was because the water ghost had only wanted you.

____________________

 You were ten when you realized you weren’t the only one who could see ghosts. Jungkook often stayed with his grandmother in summer, and when he did, you went with him. Nana assured your mother that she didn’t mind, and you knew that with the birth of the twins the previous year, your mother just didn’t have time for you anymore.

You and Jungkook had been inseparable since your eighth birthday party. After he’d talked to his mom, who’d talked to your mom, you and Jungkook had also been allowed to stay in the same class together each year. Teachers recognized that you had a calming effect on Jungkook, while he helped you venture out of your shell. He helped you be a little less afraid.

One hot afternoon in late summer, Nana made you both clean up and go with her to visit an old friend who had recently moved back to town.

“You’re not old enough to stay alone,” she insisted when Jungkook moaned about the visit. “And I think my friend will enjoy meeting you. You remind me a bit of her, y/n.”

Nana’s friend, Mrs. Kim, was a tall, imposing woman. She wore clothes with oddly clashing colors and patterns, and her back garden was a wild labyrinth of vines and bright flowers. Granted permission to play while the two elders became reacquainted, you and Jungkook explored the garden, picking honeysuckle and drinking the nectar.

When Nana called you in for a snack, you raced each other to the patio. Jungkook beat you as he always did, but he stopped at the door to let you go first. You were giggling when you walked inside and followed Nana to the sitting room, only to freeze as you saw the man sitting with Mrs. Kim on the loveseat. His neck was tilted at an odd angle, eyes on Mrs. Kim as she placed slices of cake on plates and added fresh fruit.

You must have made a sound because the man turned his pale eyes your way. You immediately looked down and shuffled backwards, bumping into Jungkook. You could tell by the way he stopped and then pressed close behind you, reaching for your hand, that he knew something was wrong.

“We should go wash our hands,” Jungkook said. Mrs. Kim directed you to the bathroom, and Jungkook pulled you behind him until you were far enough away not to be overheard. Then he turned wide eyes on you; you nodded in answer to his silent question.

“What kind?” he asked in a low voice.

“A man. Something’s wrong with his neck, like maybe he broke it before he died.” You shivered.

“What was he doing?”

“Nothing. Just sitting next to Mrs. Kim, watching her.”

Jungkook nodded. “You just have to pretend you don’t see him while we eat and then we’ll go outside again.”

After washing your hands, you followed Jungkook back to the sitting room, unsurprised when he sat nearest Mrs. Kim because ever since that day at the lake, it’s what he always did. The fact that he couldn’t see the danger didn’t matter to him – he still acted as a barrier between you and anything that he thought could hurt you.

You kept your eyes on your plate as you ate. You peeked over at Mrs. Kim once to find her watching you, a thoughtful expression on her face. The man was also watching you now, and you tugged urgently at Jungkook’s shorts.

Once you were excused, you both rushed back outside, where you felt you could finally breathe. “So scary. I really think he broke his neck in an accident or something.”

“Who do you think he is?” Jungkook asked as you sat in the grass near a bush with bright pink flowers.

You shrugged as you touched a finger to one of the petals. “I don’t know, but I think he’s haunting Mrs. Kim instead of the house. He was maybe your dad’s age, but his clothes look older.”

“How can you tell the difference?”

“I can’t – not exactly. I’m guessing because of the ghosts at school. They walk around the halls or have a favorite room, or like a favorite spot outside. They only notice students if they get annoyed about something, or if they realize I can see them. This ghost only watched Mrs. Kim until right at the end when he looked at me.”

“Mrs. Kim was looking at you too,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah.” It was weird, how they’d both looked at you like that.

You were playing rock paper scissors when the door opened, and Mrs. Kim walked out to the garden followed by the ghost. You shrank back behind Jungkook.

She sat on the little bench near the flowering bushes and handed them the juice she’d brought out. “Your nana says you two are always forgetting to drink enough when it’s hot.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook said. He passed one to you as you both sat in the grass, as far away as you could without being rude.

You kept your eyes down as Mrs. Kim talked to Jungkook – about school, and how long you’d been friends. “You know, your nana and I were best friends when we were your age, right up until we graduated from high school and got married. Then I moved away with my husband. He died in an accident twenty years ago. Broken neck.”

You swallowed hard, resisting the urge to look up.

“You can see him, can’t you, y/n?”

Shocked, you raised your head to look at Mrs. Kim. “What?”

“I can see him too. He’s been with me these past twenty years, refuses to go on without me, stubborn goat.”

You looked over at Jungkook, who was staring at Mrs. Kim, mouth open.

“I’ve been able to see them since I was at least four years old,” Mrs. Kim continued. “Was it the same for you?”

You nodded, still unable to believe she was like you. “I can’t really remember a time when I couldn’t see them.”

“Your ability to see and communicate with them will grow stronger as you get older. They’ll begin to recognize you as part of the otherworld.”

“What if I don’t want to see them or talk to them? I just want them to stay away from me.” You didn’t realize you were trembling until Jungkook scooted closer and put his arm around you.

“I’m afraid it’s not that simple,” she replied quietly. “But as your ability grows, you will be able to learn how to manage them – how to block the weaker ones, and how to resist the stronger ones. You’ll find that you can help them move on. Until then, I can give you talismans that will protect you.”

____________

 Mrs. Kim was true to her word. From that summer on, her paper talismans hung in your room, and you carried a jade protection amulet wherever you went. You’d learned that spraying salt water in the air was a simple method of disrupting the electromagnetic field of ghosts that were causing trouble.

Your mother ignored the talismans in your room, but you knew better than to talk about the ghosts you saw. And so Jungkook and Mrs. Kim were the only ones in whom you could confide your fears.

When you were thirteen, your father’s family requested that you spend two months at their home in the city. It was the first time you had seen them in over a year, and you’d never stayed with them before without your mother. It was also the first time you and Jungkook had been separated for more than a week since you were eight, and it triggered your anxiety. You’d packed your talismans and your amulet, but what if something happened? Jungkook and Mrs. Kim would be four hours away.

The weeks passed slowly. You were uncomfortable with your father’s family. They were extremely wealthy, and your grandfather was stern and cold. Your uncle wasn’t so bad, but he only returned to the family home at night. You had nothing in common with his wife or their daughter, who was five years younger than you.

You and Jungkook messaged and video chatted every day, but your grandfather kept you busy with music, art and French lessons, claiming that your education was sadly lacking. That summer was the first time that he brought up the idea of sending you to a boarding school abroad, stating that it would better prepare you for entering a prestigious university.

Your uncle’s driver took you home at the end of the summer, and your uncle accompanied you. He talked to you about the co-ed boarding school in England which both he and your father had attended, giving you several brochures to look over.

“I believe your father would be happy to know that you continued the tradition,” he told you. “Money is no concern. I’ve talked to your mother about continuing your art, music and language lessons this year, and I’ve opened an account for you where your allowance will be deposited each quarter. That money can be used to pay tutors and for whatever else you might want.”

“I don’t think I want to go to another country,” you said quietly, staring out the window.

“Well, you’re not in high school yet. Just think about it.”

Jungkook was sitting on your front steps with Jin, and he ran to the car when you pulled into your driveway. He slung an arm around your shoulders and rubbed his hand on top of your head, making you laugh.

“Stop,” you said as you pushed him back. “How are you like two inches taller?”

“I hit a growth spurt,” he replied proudly.

“About time,” Jin said as he took your bags from the driver. “Why do you have three bags now when you left with one?”

“My aunt took me shopping,” you explained.

Your uncle passed you the brochures you’d left on the car seat. Nodding to Jin and Jungkook, he patted your shoulder. “Think about it, okay? This could be a good experience for you.”

After he left, you turned back to Jungkook and Jin, who were looking at the brochures you held.

“What does he want you to think about?” Jin asked.

You held up the brochures as you took one of the suitcases. “Boarding school. The same one he and my dad went to. My grandfather barely acknowledged my existence before now, except sending money to my mom twice a year, but suddenly I’m his summer project.”

“Boarding school where?”

“England.”

Jin whistled. “That must be expensive.”

“Money’s the one thing they’re not lacking, so…”

“But you’re not going, right?” Jungkook suddenly asked.

“I told him I would look at these brochures and think about it, but no. I don’t really want to go.”

“Well, then you should just throw them away. There’s no point looking at them if you’re not going.”

You frowned at the edge in his tone. “Why do you sound mad?”

“I’m not mad, I just think it’s a stupid idea,” he answered.

“Ignore him, y/n. He missed you this summer, even if he won’t admit it, and now you’re talking about moving to England. He’s feeling abandoned.” Jin laughed and ducked when Jungkook threw a mock punch at him.

You greeted your mother, stepfather and younger siblings before following Jin and Jungkook up the stairs to your room. Jin left after he helped you get the bags upstairs, but Jungkook stayed and watched as you unzipped your suitcases and began sorting through your things. Your talismans came out first, and Jungkook hung them for you as you put away your new clothes.

“If you really have to keep up with the lessons this year, you should use the same art teacher I use. She’s really good, and then we could do them together.”

“Okay.” You turned around to see Jungkook looking at the brochures.

“This place looks haunted as hell, y/n.”

“Your mom will beat you if she hears you cursing,” you reminded him.

“Well, it does. Look haunted, I mean. Who even knows how many ghosts are wandering around a centuries old school like this.” Jungkook shook his head and tossed the brochures into the trash can next to your desk. “Tell your uncle thanks but no thanks.”

“So did you decide where you want to have our birthday party next week?” You took turns each year, choosing the location and cake, and this year was Jungkook’s turn.

“The arcade,” he said, ignoring your groan. “Come on, we’ll have fun playing the games. Mom said you should come for dinner tonight and help think about the cake. I get the arcade, and I’ll eat whatever cake you want.”

“Okay. I need to ask my mom, but they probably won’t care.”

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was impossible not to hear your mom and stepfather arguing as you walked down the stairs and around the corner to see them standing at the kitchen island.

“She’s still hanging paper around her room to ward off ghosts, for God’s sake. Remember that the twins heard her talking about ghosts to Jungkook last year and still won’t sleep with the lights off. I’m just saying that if her father’s family want her to live with them, we should consider it. And the boarding school might be good for her.”

“You know that I promised her father I wouldn’t let them influence her upbringing too much.” Your mother sighed. “I know that her eccentricities complicate things, but I can’t break that promise. If she decides to go to boarding school, she’ll only be with us for another year anyway.”

You shouldn’t be surprised to hear them talking about you; you knew that, but it still hurt. The chasm between you and your mother had widened over the years until you barely talked about anything that wasn’t related to helping out with household chores or schoolwork. You jumped as Jungkook cleared his throat loudly.

“We were just going to my house for dinner if that’s okay,” Jungkook said. “We’re still planning our birthday party.”

“Oh.” Your mom bit her lip as she looked at you, obviously wondering if you’d heard them talking. “You just got home, but I suppose that’s fine. Don’t stay too late.”

You nodded and allowed Jungkook to lead you outside. You made it to the end of the driveway before Jungkook spoke. “Your stepfather sucks. Asshole.”

You swallowed down the tears threatening. “You can’t blame him for thinking I’m weird, and wishing his kids weren’t exposed to it. We have to be more careful what we talk about with the twins around.”

“Yeah, I can blame him. He married your mom knowing she had a kid, and that makes you his kid too. He’s never been that nice to you, even before the twins were born. Asshole.”

You laughed.

“You know my parents love you right? And Jin too. He missed you almost as much as I did this summer.”

“Aww, so you did miss me?”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up and let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

_____________

 High school was a new world. Your grandfather wasn’t pleased with your decision to stay at your local school but when you didn’t budge from your decision, he shifted his attention to making sure you were properly prepped for university. You still spent at least six weeks with them every summer, and you’d continued extra music, art and language lessons.

Jin had gone to university and only came home for holidays, so you spent more and more of your time at Jungkook’s house. Jungkook played varsity baseball and was often busy with training programs for a few hours after school. His growth spurts meant he’d long outgrown you, at least vertically, something he liked rubbing in when he propped his arm on top of your head. He was losing his baby fat too, and out of nowhere he suddenly had a jawline that the girls in school noticed.

He wasn’t the only one changing. Mrs. Kim had been right when she told you that your ability to see and communicate with ghosts would grow as you got older. You were sixteen now, and the older you got, the more they seemed drawn to you.

“Somehow, they’re able to recognize those of us who can see the otherworld,” Mrs. Kim explained one afternoon when you and Jungkook visited her. “We shine a little brighter for them, I suppose, or they’re drawn to our energy. This is especially true for the ones who feel they left unfinished business behind.”

“They’re following her now – sometimes to school, sometimes to her house,” Jungkook told her. “There has to be a way to stop that. Isn’t there some kind of banishing talisman?”

“I’m afraid it’s not that simple, Jungkook.” She looked over at you. “I told you years ago that the talismans were only meant to be a partial protection. They’re best used to protect small spaces, like your bedroom when you’re sleeping. They cannot be used to forever shield you from the otherworld. You have to learn to communicate with them, y/n, and stand firm when they push back against you. If you learn to push back against them, you’ll be able to block their energy. But in order to do that, you’ll have to allow yourself to come into contact with them.”

“No,” Jungkook replied flatly. “That water ghost almost killed her eight years ago, and last year one of them pushed her into traffic. Confronting them is too dangerous.”

“But if she doesn’t confront them and learn to wield this power she possesses, she’ll forever lead a half-life hiding from shadows.” Mrs. Kim raised her brows. “Are you going to hide in the shadows and live that half-life with her?”

Those words stayed with you as the school year ended. You had two more years of high school left and then it would be time for university. Jungkook was already talking about which universities you could apply to together. He was hoping to get an athletic scholarship, which is why he’d become so serious about baseball. Jin had gone to university on a drama scholarship, something that had helped a lot with expenses.

Money wasn’t a problem for you, but how would this work? Would you just follow Jungkook to whichever university he attended? Would he follow you to yours? And what would happen after university? At some point, you’d have to part ways in the world, at least to some extent. As Mrs. Kim had pointed out, he couldn’t stay with you in the shadows forever. You were surprised that Jungkook didn’t already have a girlfriend given how many girls were hovering around him lately, and you were sure that a girlfriend would absolutely hate you for taking up all of his time.

________________

 The end-of-the-year party at Jimin’s house was in full swing, and Jungkook had lost track of you about an hour ago while he was dancing with Grace, a girl he’d been quietly crushing on for the last few months. She was one of the most popular girls at school though and getting time alone with her was difficult. He thought she liked him back, but she’d danced with two other guys after dancing with him.

The only girl he really understood was you, but you didn’t act like other girls. You never showed an interest in the boys at school, or in dating, and you had never befriended any of the girls either. Grace had been friendly towards you, but she was also good friends with Hanna and Lily, and so you seemed wary of her. He could understand that since he knew Hanna and Lily had been horrible to you in the past, on numerous occasions. But he also thought it was unfair to blame Grace by association since she’d only recently moved to their town.

Jungkook wandered outside to the pool area and finally spotted Jimin. “Hey, have you seen y/n?”

“Yeah, about thirty minutes ago? She was with Lucas.”

He frowned. “What the hell is she doing with Lucas?” Lucas was on the baseball team with him and he was the one guy he didn’t get along with. He was popular, but Jungkook had heard him say gross things about girls, and he could be a bully.

Jimin shrugged. “I don’t know. They were with a group playing truth or dare and then someone said they left together.”

Jungkook couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling as he searched the crowd for you. He’d tried calling you, but your phone was off, or maybe dead – you were always forgetting to keep it charged. Relief surged through him when he finally found you sitting in a quiet spot on the front porch.

“Geez, y/n, can you not disappear like that? Or at least keep your phone on?”

You looked up and smiled at him. “Sorry. I thought you were still with Grace.”

He sat down next to you on the swing, pushing off gently to get it moving again. “Jimin said he saw you with Lucas.”

“Hmm.”

He waited for you to continue, but you stayed quiet. “Why?”

“He pulled me into their game of truth or dare when I was walking by. I didn’t really want to play but then I thought, it’s a party, and maybe I should just… try to have fun? So I played. Lucas admitted he liked someone in the circle, and they dared him to kiss the girl he likes. Then he kissed me.”

Jungkook was stunned. And pissed. “I am going to beat his ass.” He stood but paused when you grabbed his arm and pulled him down again.

“It’s fine. Well, it’s not, but it wasn’t much of a kiss. His lips were kind of dry,” you admitted. “Kissing Lucas during a game of truth or dare at Jimin’s house isn’t the kind of story I imagined for my first kiss, but at least it’s over with, I guess.”

“He’s already slept with two girls in our class, and we’re barely halfway through high school. You shouldn’t be going anywhere alone with him. He talks shit about girls in the locker room, y/n, so don’t let him fool you.” He was getting angrier the longer he thought about it, and he really would beat Lucas’ ass if he heard your name out of him even once.

You looked over at him in surprise. “I didn’t go anywhere alone with him.”

“Jimin said you left together.”

“No, I didn’t. I left after he kissed me and went to the bathroom. He followed me and asked if he could take me home later, but I told him I was here with you. Then I came out here, alone.”

“Oh.” That made him feel a little better, but not much. The idea of Lucas’ lips anywhere near you made him want to hit something. You were way too good for a guy who showed the bare minimum of respect to girls even when he was dating them and then trash talked them after he was done.

“First kiss with Lucas is a real low point for the year, I have to admit,” you said with humor. “He’s cute but not really my type… ow!” You glared at him, rubbing your forehead where he’d just thumped you. “Why did you do that?”

“He’s cute? Are you blind?”

You sighed. “I know you hate him, but now you’re just being unreasonable. It’s not like your first kiss was much better.”

“For the record, Hanna kissed me, not the other way around,” he reminded you. “It’s not like I wanted her to.”

“Whatever. Though it’s kind of funny that both our first kisses were with someone the other hates. It shouldn’t even count since it’s not like they asked for consent first.”

Jungkook looked over at you. He hadn’t really noticed before how pretty you looked tonight. You were wearing a silky green tank top with a gossamer thin white cardigan, and the gold locket you’d gotten for your sixteenth birthday hung around your neck. Since it had belonged to your paternal grandmother and held a photo of your father, you rarely took it off.

He thought about the other photo he knew was there, one his mother had taken at Halloween when you were ten. It was the year you’d discovered that old Ghostbusters movie and Jungkook had convinced you to wear matching Ghostbusters costumes. You’d had a miniature made for your locket, and he carried the same photo in his wallet. So many of his best memories included you.

“Let’s make it not count then,” he suddenly said.

You looked over at him again, a questioning look on your face. Before he could give himself too much time to think about it, he leaned forward, pausing when he got close to you, giving you a chance to move away if you wanted to. Then you closed the distance and pressed your lips to his.

Your lips were softer than he’d expected. The kiss only lasted a few seconds; he licked his lips when you pulled back, tasting the berry flavored lip gloss you used. He took a breath, surprised that his heart was racing.

“It’s the first because we chose it, right?” You looked happy about that, your hand reaching up to touch your locket.

“Yeah.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Let’s go home.”

_______________

 You spent six weeks that summer at your grandfather’s house and when you returned, Jungkook was following Grace around like a puppy. You told yourself that you were happy for him even as your heart sank whenever you saw them together. It was silly and you knew it, so you did your best to ignore that feeling and support him. She was nice enough, but you kept your distance since Grace was friends with Hanna and Lily. Regardless of what Jungkook believed, you weren’t sure a really nice girl would be friends with the literal mean girls of your high school.

Jungkook was being scouted by universities by the time baseball season started. You were only juniors, and he probably wouldn’t get any offers until the following year, but it was a big deal that coaches were already talking to him. Just as you had every year he played, you watched his practices and attended every game with his parents, cheering him on.

The coach from Gettis University had visited twice, something the whole school was talking about. It was an old and well-respected university located five hours north of your town, and one of the best universities in the country. You knew that Jungkook was leaning towards studying filmmaking since he enjoyed shooting and editing videos, and Gettis had an outstanding film program. The tuition prices were outrageous but with a scholarship, it would be an incredible opportunity for him.

It was also known as one of the most haunted college campuses in the country. Because the university was located near an area where several bloody battles had been fought, tales of campus ghosts fueled the local folklore and had inspired many creepypasta tales. The Gothic inspired architecture lent credibility to the stories, and students leaned into it, throwing elaborate Halloween parties and hosting infamous haunted houses each October.

The idea of attending college there filled you with a deep dread that you tried to hide from Jungkook. Despite that, you knew that he was aware of it because every time his parents talked to him about college options, he dismissed the idea of attending Gettis.

You hated it. Hated that you were so fragile that he felt he had to turn down an opportunity like that. Hated that you were also too selfish to tell him he should go without you. Most of all, you hated that you were so terrified that you couldn’t think about Gettis without breaking into a cold sweat.

It was a topic that you had carefully avoided talking to each other about, but the time was rapidly approaching when you’d both have to make decisions about your future, and the last thing you wanted was to hold him back. It always brought you back to what Mrs. Kim had told you – that unless you learned to control your ability to see and interact with the otherworld, you would condemn both yourself and Jungkook to a half life hiding from shadows.

You were trying to think of a way to broach the topic one afternoon after baseball practice as Jungkook walked with you to the library. You’d been talking to Mrs. Kim recently about ways to control your ability, and ways to safely confront ghosts, something you knew Jungkook wouldn’t agree with. You hadn’t quite worked up the nerve to test any of Mrs. Kim’s suggestions yet, but you were hoping that you could convince Jungkook to help.

You cleared your throat. “So I was thinking…”

A car horn interrupted you. Turning, you saw Grace pull up in her red convertible with a friendly wave.

“Hey you,” she said, smiling at Jungkook. “A bunch of us are headed to the lake now that it’s warm enough. I know you two usually study on Wednesdays but come on – it’s such a waste of a nice afternoon.”

When Jungkook hesitated, Grace added, “Of course you’re welcome to come too, y/n.”

You hadn’t been to that lake since your eighth birthday, and everyone in school knew that. Grace had even commented on it before, so you knew it was an empty offer meant to appease Jungkook.

You could see that he was about to refuse, so you stopped him. “You should go. It sounds like fun.” When he didn’t say anything, you gave him a little push. “Seriously, go. I’ll help you study tomorrow.”

He smiled at you. “Okay. But let me know when you’re ready to walk home and I’ll come walk with you. You shouldn’t be walking alone after dark.”

You nodded, watching as he got in the car and they drove away. You continued on to the library, stopping to talk to Jimin when you arrived. His mom was the librarian and he often studied there with you and Jungkook. Today he was behind the desk, helping his mom scan in a backlog of book returns.

“Where’s Jungkook?” he asked as you leaned against the counter.

“With Grace at the lake.”

“Yeah, I heard a bunch of people were headed there this afternoon,” he replied. “If you want to grab a table, I’ll come join you as soon as I’m done.”

You and Jimin studied for the next two hours and when you were done with your homework, you wandered over to the stacks to look for a book that Mrs. Kim had recommended you read. From the corner of your eye you saw a man move between rows of books. He looked familiar, so you turned to look at him. You froze, eyes automatically shifting away when you realized that he wasn’t a man at all.

You’d also seen him before. He’d been outside the farmer’s market one weekend, and you’d seen him near the school. That you were now seeing him at the library meant he was probably following you. You could feel your palms start to sweat. You concentrated on breathing for a moment, willing your heartbeat to slow as you counted in your head.

This was an opportunity. He wasn’t like the water ghost, and he wasn’t full of the menacing energy you’d briefly felt from the ghost who had pushed you into traffic two years ago.

Swallowing hard, you ran your fingers over the pocket of the lightweight jacket you were still wearing in the chilly library, feeling both the stone of your protection amulet and the small spray bottle of salt water you kept with you at all times. You’d used the saltwater spray a handful of times over the years, finding that once their energy was disrupted, nuisance ghosts usually disappeared and often didn’t seek you out again.

Slowly, you looked up at the man. He was older than you but still young, and if he wasn’t so eerily still and pale, you might have thought him handsome. His dark hair was cut in an old-fashioned, feathery style that reminded you of the album covers of 70s rock bands that your stepfather had in his record collection.

“Hi,” you said, your voice shaking. “Do you… do you need help?” You’d never tried to talk to any of the ghosts before, and you had no idea what you should say, but offering help seemed like a good first step.

The man moved closer. You were amazed by just how solid he looked, much more so than when you’d seen him outside. His eyes were a deep, dark brown, and something about them drew you in. Unable to look away, you remained still as he continued moving towards you, feeling an almost drunken heaviness suffuse your limbs. He reached out; almost as if disconnected from your body, you felt your hand meet his halfway.

The scorching heat from his fingers was a shock, as was the spark of electricity that zapped you back to awareness. You jerked backwards with a gasp, reaching into your pocket for the saltwater spray. “Please, if you need help, I’ll try to help…” you broke off as you heard a popping sound behind you.

You stood, frozen in horror as the wall socket next to the reading nook popped and sparked with electricity. Before the man could move closer again, you sprayed the saltwater into the air between you. He shimmered brightly, dissolved into the air, and then reappeared so suddenly you had no time to react. An orange glow seemed to burn within his eyes when he reached for you again.

This time his touch burned through the fabric of your jacket, and the floor beneath you shook as you screamed in pain and horror. He shimmered again and you fell backwards, dimly aware that the smoke and flames behind you were from the armchair which had caught fire. The lights above you flickered out, and you curled into a ball, arms over your head.

You screamed again when you felt hands on your back until you realized it was Jimin trying to lift you off the floor.

That was the last thing you remembered until waking in the hospital to find Jungkook asleep in a chair beside your bed. He’d fallen asleep holding your hand and looked exhausted. He was still wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing when you last saw him, with the addition of his well-loved black hoodie.

The memory of what happened in the library came back when you saw the bandages on your left forearm, and you couldn’t stop the fear that raced through you. The steady beeping of your heart monitor increased sharply, jolting Jungkook awake as you gasped for breath.

Your head swam. Two nurses rushed in, and through bleary eyes you saw your mother behind them. You thought Jungkook was speaking, but you couldn’t understand through the rushing sound in your ears. The darkness slipped in again.

You woke again the next morning to Jungkook, pale and tense beside you, still holding your hand.

“You’re okay,” he said quickly, leaning in to cup the side of your head. “Just look at me for a minute and breathe. You have to breathe slowly, remember?”

Your heart was pounding again. It had been a couple of years since you’d had a severe panic attack, but you recognized it, as did Jungkook. You closed your eyes and concentrated on breathing as you listened to him count. Gradually your heart rate slowed.

You were calmer when the doctor came in to examine the palm shaped burn on your arm. You hadn’t imagined it then, you thought dimly. The man had burned you with a touch. You had never considered that a ghost could harm you like that – that something scarier than water ghosts existed. Your mother was talking to the doctor about the library fire, the assumption being that you must have been sitting in the chair that caught fire when a power surge overloaded the electrical system.

Jungkook obviously knew something much worse had happened, but you couldn’t bring yourself to talk about it yet. You couldn’t speak at all. You thought you might shatter from the inside out if you did. You didn’t want to eat or drink either until the nurse explained to your mother and Jungkook that your body needed the sugar due to the shock you’d been through. As long as you didn’t feel sick or vomit, you needed to try eating and drinking.

After that, Jungkook was relentless, coaxing you to drink juice and eat small bites of food every hour. You didn’t want it, but you didn’t have it in you to refuse when he looked so worried. His mother arrived in the afternoon, bringing your favorite fresh fruit, some homemade food and a change of clothes for Jungkook.

His mother sat with you while he washed up since your mom had gone to pick up the twins from school. You were still on a saline drip and the doctor had said you wouldn’t be discharged until tomorrow at the earliest because your blood pressure and blood sugar were still low.

A bone deep weariness had settled in by evening, but you were afraid to sleep. You heard Jungkook’s mother urging your mom to go home and get some rest since she’d been awake all night, promising that she and Jungkook would stay with you, but you didn’t look at your mother when she said goodbye. You felt oddly detached from her; whether she stayed or left didn’t really matter when you knew she’d never believe you if you tried to tell her what happened to you.

That night after his mom fell asleep on the sofa, Jungkook whispered, “Please talk to me, y/n. You’re scaring me.”

You looked at him, sitting there next to you, still holding your hand. You wondered what your lives would be like now if you had never moved here. You were sure that your life would be worse while his would undoubtedly be better.

“One of them…” your voice cracked, and you cleared your throat. “He followed me. I tried… tried to talk to him. And he… he…”

When you stopped talking, Jungkook asked, “Did he start the fire? Is that how you got burned?”

You shook your head and tried again. “He burned me when he… he touched me.” You squeezed your eyes shut, and the tears finally came, quietly.

“You’re okay now,” he said. He grabbed the box of tissues off the table and climbed onto the bed with you, carefully pulling you to him as he rested his chin against the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

____________

 But it wasn’t okay. You spent the final two months of the school year at home, completing your assignments online. Jungkook diligently took notes in class, and Jimin shared his notes as well. The teachers allowed you to come and take exams in a quiet room alone.

The only place you felt safe was in your bedroom with the talismans protecting your space. You had no idea what happened to the ghost at the library, but you were terrified that he might find you. Sleeping with the lights on was your new normal when you slept at all.

Your mom suggested counseling to help you deal with your anxiety. You went along with it, though you didn’t see the point. A therapist couldn’t help with something they didn’t know or understand, and it’s not like you could tell the woman what you were really afraid of. The best she could offer was advice on how to deal with your panic attacks and general anxiety. They were coping mechanisms that would do little to help you get to the root of the problem.

The one person who could help was also someone you didn’t want to talk to. Nana had visited with Mrs. Kim, but you’d told your mom that you didn’t want to see them. Your stepfather and the twins gave you space, rarely venturing into your bedroom, and you rarely ventured out. The only people you talked to besides the therapist, who came to your house twice a week, were Jungkook and his mom. Jin was in his last year at university, but he messaged you daily, making you smile with his terrible jokes.

Mrs. Kim had gone abroad to stay with her daughter in May. Nana brought over a small box that she said Mrs. Kim had asked her to give you, but you hadn’t opened it yet. It sat in your closet, buried beneath your schoolbooks you’d put away for the summer.

Then, one sunny day in early June, Nana went for a walk at the lake. It was her favorite spot because it was where she’d met her late husband. She’d always said she felt closer to him there than she did at his grave. She sat on the bench where he’d proposed so many years before, and her heart quietly gave out.

Jungkook was inconsolable. You tried to be there for him as he had been there for you in the past, but he held his grief in. You mustered up every bit of courage you possessed to stand with him at her grave site for the funeral services, heart in your throat and jumping at every shadow or slight noise.

You looked for her that day – at the grave site, and at the wake. You didn’t know how to explain it, but you were certain that she had moved on, that nothing had held her back. She’d found her peace and returned to her husband.

Jungkook didn’t believe you. You knew it was because on the day she died, Nana had asked him to walk with her as he often did. But on that particular day, he’d chosen to meet Grace for ice cream, and he couldn’t forgive himself.

“She said she wanted to talk to me about something. We were going to talk the next day,” he told you. He was sad, and angry, and after a week of stoicism, he began lashing out at everyone.

He’d begged you to go back to the grave site with him and you did. The anxiety of being there for hours, waiting for a spirit you knew would never come while avoiding the others who came and went, sometimes getting entirely too close to you for your sanity, took its toll. You spent the night in your bathroom, vomiting, sweating and angry with yourself for being so weak when Jungkook needed you.

The next day, he asked you to go to the lake with him.

“I can’t,” you whispered, shaking your head. The very idea made you want to vomit again.

“Please, y/n. Please.” He grabbed your hands, the pleading in his dark eyes making you feel like the worst friend for denying him.

“She’s not there, Jungkook. I can’t explain it, but I feel…”

“You don’t know that!” He let go of your hands and stood up, his anger spilling over, this time at you. “All these years, I never fucking asked you for anything. I’ve spent ten years adjusting my life to your fears and paranoia. I fight with my girlfriend because of you. I can’t even fucking go to the college I want to go to because I have to worry about how that affects you. And you can’t do this one thing for me?”

He was breathing heavily, not looking at you now as you stared at him, unable to believe the things he’d just said to you. You tried to tell yourself he didn’t mean it, that he was just hurting and angry, but you weren’t so sure. Maybe this was the sum total of the things you’d avoided talking about even when you knew that you were holding him back.

Before you could think of what to say, he turned and left, slamming your bedroom door behind him. You heard his footsteps down the stairs, and then there was nothing but the silence he left in his wake.

In all the years you’d been friends with Jungkook, you’d never seen him that angry. Typically, he was slow to anger, and he wasn’t one to hold grudges either. You were the one that held grudges for the both of you. But after two days passed without hearing from him, you knew this time was different.

Everyone tried to mediate since they didn’t know why you were fighting. Your messages to Jungkook went unanswered, and he’d refused to come out of his room when you finally went to his house to talk to him. Jin sat on your porch with you that afternoon, poking and prodding to try and figure out what was going on. You just told him that it was your fault because it was. Deep down, you felt like Jungkook had a right to be angry with you.

Two weeks later, Jungkook left for baseball camp.

There was almost a sense of relief you felt now that he was gone. Jin had come to talk to you again, telling you that he was sure that Jungkook was going to be feeling shitty about this whole thing by the end of the summer, and making a point to remind you that he couldn’t call even if he wanted to because he wasn’t allowed to have his phone for the month-long camp.

You didn’t say it, but you were beginning to think a clean break would be best for everyone. You talked to your uncle, quietly making plans without bothering to discuss it with your mother. And when you felt ready, you took out the box that Mrs. Kim had sent to you. You read the long letter, set aside the new talismans, and examined the jade Taoist amulet she’d included. Somehow, you weren’t surprised that she was prescient enough to know this time would come.

That night, you went to the lake.

________________________

 Jungkook was surprised to see Jin waiting for him when he left the camp facility. “I thought Mom was picking me up.”

Jin opened the trunk, took his bag and tossed it inside. “She was, but I need to talk to you, so I told her I’d do it.”

“I thought you’d still be mad at me,” Jungkook said as he got in the car. He ran his hand through his hair, pushing down his nerves. Baseball camp had been physically exhausting, but nothing had been able to drown out the horrible, horrible things he’d said before he left. They played on a loop as he lay in his bunk at night, and he saw your face when he closed his eyes.

“I am,” Jin said shortly. “You weren’t the only person who was sad about Nana, Jungkook. You’re just the only person who was super shitty about it, to everyone.”

He supposed he deserved that. “Do you have my phone?” It was a two-hour drive home, but he didn’t want to wait that long to call you. He wasn’t sure if you’d answer, but he needed to at least try.

“Yes, but I know who you’re going to call, and we need to talk first.”

Jin pulled into a small roadside diner. They sat in a back booth and ordered drinks and the lunch special, pulled barbecue sandwiches. Jin waited until he’d finished his sandwich before he spoke again.

Wiping his hands, he pushed his plate away and asked, “What exactly happened between you and y/n?”

Jungkook looked away. “I said some things to her that I should never have said. I don’t even know why I said them. I was just sad, and mad, and I’d already lashed out at everybody else. She was the only one left.”

“When I asked y/n, she said it was her fault,” Jin said. “She seemed to think she deserved your anger. Why would she think that?”

“Look, Jin, I appreciate that you tried to fix this, but I really need to talk to y/n. This is personal, between me and her. Can you give me my phone, please?”

Jin reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone, handing it over without another word.

Jungkook turned it on and gave the voice command to call you. After a moment, he heard a toneless voice saying the number was no longer in service. Annoyed, he went to his contacts and selected your name, again waiting for the call to connect.

Jin was sitting, arms crossed when he looked up. “What the hell is going on?”

“She changed her number.”

“Okay. What’s her new number?”

“See, I don’t know because she didn’t give it to anyone before she left.”

Jungkook set the phone down on the table, a sick feeling twisting in his gut. “I don’t understand.”

“About a week after you left, y/n’s mom called late one night to say she was missing. She wasn’t in the house, her phone was on her desk, no note, nothing. She had already driven around looking for her, but it was getting late, and she was worried, so we got some neighbors together to search for her. We couldn’t officially file a missing persons report, but Dad called a friend at the police department. They had patrol officers looking, and one of them said he remembered seeing a girl walking down by the lake at sunset.”

“She hasn’t been to the lake in ten years,” Jungkook said flatly. “There’s no way she’d go down there alone at night.”

“That’s what we thought too, but we looked just in case. No luck. I told Dad maybe we needed to come get you because if anyone would know where she might go, it would be you. But then another patrolman called to say he’d found her sitting on the pier at the lake. Apparently, she’d been there all night and when Dad and I got there, she was wet, like she’d been in the water.”

Jungkook shook his head. “No. She can’t swim, and she hates the water, even the pool.” If she’d gone there looking for Nana, he’d never forgive himself. “She was okay though, right?”

“Physically, yes – cold but not hurt. But the way she just stared out at the water gave me the chills, Jungkook. When I asked her why she’d gone down there, the only thing she’d say was that she needed to know if she could do it. Do what, I don’t know, but that was her answer.”

Jungkook swallowed hard. “You said she left. Did she go to her grandfather?” If he could catch the early afternoon train, he could be there by this evening.

“She left the country, Jungkook. Packed her bags, and when her uncle’s driver pulled up, she told her mom that she was going to that boarding school. All of ten minutes notice before she was in the car driving away. She called once after she arrived in England, and that’s the last time any of us heard from her.”

Jungkook couldn’t collect his thoughts as they drove home. All he could think of for the last couple of weeks was fixing the mess he’d made. He’d imagined many scenarios – some where you accepted his apology and things went back to normal, and others where you refused to speak to him. The latter was what he deserved, but he’d been so sure that he’d be able to fix it eventually.

“Do you remember the name that was on those brochures?” Jungkook asked. “I remember looking at them, but I can’t remember the name of that damn school.”

“No and believe me when I say I’ve been trying to remember. I even got her uncle’s number and called him, but he very politely told me that he supported y/n’s decision to cut ties with, and I quote, emotionally damaging people. I don’t even think her mother knows exactly where she is, probably because y/n thinks her mom would tell our mom, who would tell us, so yeah. Basically, we know she’s in England. In case of emergency, her uncle will get in touch with her.”

When they pulled up to their house, Jungkook got out and immediately went to your house. When your mom answered the door, she looked both surprised and dismayed to see him. “She’s not here, Jungkook. I thought Jin was going to talk to you about this.”

“I know, but I left something in her room. Can I go up and get it?”

She hesitated for a moment before letting him in. He took the stairs two at a time and opened your bedroom door. The air already smelled stale, and there was an abandoned air to the room now. Your favorite books weren’t on the bookshelf, and your closet was mostly empty. It was shameless, but he searched all of your drawers, looking for any hint about the school you were attending. After ten minutes, he was forced to admit defeat.

There was a box on your desk that looked familiar. Then he remembered that Mrs. Kim had left a box just like this one with Nana to give to you. He opened it to find the well-worn talismans that used to hang around your room. There was also a photo album – when he opened it, he found photos and news clippings of every baseball game he’d ever played, beginning with his t-ball years.

Instinctively, he knew this must be something you’d worked on for his birthday. You’d known that he would come looking for you, and you’d left the box out for him. Next was a hoodie he’d been looking for, not realizing he’d left it in your room. And at the very bottom of the box was a note with your neat handwriting sloping across the paper.

“Happy birthday. My wish for both of us is that we can be free.”

He’d thought the worst pain he’d probably ever feel was when Nana died but somehow, this pain was worse. It was an ache that hollowed him out, that made his jaw clench and his hands tremble. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring down at that note. It was proof that you really didn’t know how important you were to him because if you did, you never would have left like this. You had decided that the best thing for both of you was to be free of each other, and that was on him.

When he heard a noise behind him, he wiped at a tear that slid down his cheek and turned to see your little sister, Emmie, standing in the doorway.

Emmie looked around the room and said, “I knew she was packing, but I thought she was gonna go to her dad’s family like she does every summer. You made her cry, you know.”

The little girl looked so much like you did when you were her age. It was in the way her hair parted, and how she tilted her head when she looked at him. The big eyes, and the stubborn chin – they were all little parts of you. It made his heart ache.

“I know. I wanted to tell her I’m sorry.”

“If you didn’t come, I was supposed to take that box to you. But you already found it.”

“Did she tell you anything else?”

“I don’t have her number,” she said bluntly. “Jin already asked me and Robbie. She just said we should be good and she’d send us presents from England.”

Jungkook took one last look around your room. The lucky pig you’d won at the arcade for your birthday still sat on your bed, so he picked it up and put it in the box. The pressed flower bookmark you’d made in middle school went in next – it was your birth flower. He found two mixtapes in your desk drawer, remnants of that weird CD burning phase you went through when everyone else was making playlists.

He added a few stray photos his grandmother had taken of you both using her ancient Polaroid, a book of poems you loved, and the silver charm bracelet you’d stopped wearing when the clasp broke last year. He’d given you at least half the charms on that bracelet anyway, so it was half his.

When Emmie raised her brows at his blatant theft, he shrugged. “Tell her she’ll have to talk to me if she wants her stuff back.”

Back at his house, he put the box in his closet and thought about the year ahead. Almost as far back as he could remember, you’d celebrated your birthdays together. This year, he’d be alone. He wouldn’t walk to school with you, and you wouldn’t share classes. You wouldn’t be on the bleachers during his baseball games, holding up your hand drawn signs. There would be no silly, senior year prom poses together. He’d graduate alone.

But you’d have to come back eventually. Maybe for the holidays, or at least before college. When you did, he’d do whatever it took to fix this.

[eldritch-elrics]

this summer, me and my brother watched four whole shows. at long last, here is my comprehensive review of all of them!

in the order we watched them, these shows were:

avatar the last airbender (ATLA)

mob psycho 100 (MP100)

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba (KNY)

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (FMAB)

they were all very very good!

i’m not going to try to rank them, but, as is probably obvious by the state of my blog, my favorite was FMAB :) if i had to pick a least favorite, then, it would probably be KNY—not by any fault of its own, but just because it didn’t appeal to me quite as much as the others. still a very good show!

i will review each show by:

giving a quick plot-based pitch discussing the show’s hook or appeal

discussing one element that i believe it does better than any other show on this list—in other words, a quality that i think it stands out for

discussing one element that didn’t appeal to me or that i had issues with—a criticism

putting forth my favorite character and favorite episode or arc, just for funsies

including various other commentary. mostly positive, as, again, i did really like all of these!

(i’ve tried to make this whole thing free of specific spoilers, but if you’re planning on watching any of these shows and want to go in more-or-less blind, it might be best not to read this.)

first of all, i’d just like to discuss all four of these shows as a whole! it was definitely interesting watching one after another and noting similarities between them.

all of them have siblings in them! which is, perhaps, fitting, as i watched them with my brother

two include a pair of siblings in which one has powers and one doesn’t (at least at first), and part of the narrative involves getting better at using those powers (ATLA, MP100)

two include a narrative centered around a pair of siblings and something tragic that happens to them, resulting in the older one being traumatized and forced to train to become a soldier, and the younger one turning into something (arguably) inhuman. the protagonist’s major goal is to return his younger sibling to the way they were before (KNY, FMAB)

ATLA and FMAB are both fantasy political dramas, which is rapidly becoming a favorite genre of mine

most of these are historical, or historically inspired in some way, which is interesting!

all of these shows are really really good at character building. all the main characters are interesting and complex, and the relationships between those characters are similarly nuanced and very well written. they make you really care about both the protagonists and the side characters!

avatar: the last airbender

pitch: as the ever-growing imperial force of the fire nation threatens the earth and water nations, a kid from the long-lost air nation turns up and it turns out he can control all four elements and he has to save the world and all that. sorry i tried to write this pitch like five times and realized that well at this point i think everyone reading this will know the plot of avatar

stands out for: avatar has possibly the best worldbuilding i have ever seen in a show—it takes the time to introduce us to so many places and aspects of its world, both explicitly and subtly. the main highlight of this is the magic system. by creating a magic system based in body movement, the process of using magic and learning to use/control it better becomes immediately obvious to the viewer. combine that with the philosophy behind each type of bending and the way that characters take bending inspiration from types different than their own, and you’ve got a system that is complex, flexible, believable, internally consistent, and just plain fun! it makes action sequences a blast. i especially liked the moments when bending was stretched to its limits in totally logical ways (metalbending, bloodbending). not to mention the way that bending is seamlessly integrated into the world of avatar! the example that comes to mind is the earthbending-powered transport system of omashu. a whole essay could be written on that topic alone!

criticism: i know this is a sentiment shared by many people, but the first season was kind of boring to me. some of the humor and the plots felt hit-or-miss. of course, it needed to take that time to establish the world, and it does a great job of doing that. it just didn’t hook me until the second season.

favorite character: i love toph she’s so much fun :) iroh is a close second! and zuko is great, too, of course

favorite arc: i loved ba sing se a ton, especially the episode when they get there and everything feels off. it felt so resonant with real life, in a very fun way. there’s a reason “there is no war in ba sing se” is a meme…

other commentary: what can i say? it’s a classic for a damn good reason. the plot is tight, and it does a great job raising tension and introducing new elements and twists. i also love the care put into the antagonists, especially azula, who has a fascinating arc.

mob psycho 100

pitch: a middle schooler and a charismatic con artist team up to smite ghosts using extrasensory powers. thing is, only the middle schooler actually has ESP, and it happens to be really, really powerful. can he navigate the difficult world of middle school while also getting a better grip on his powers—and his bottled-up emotions?

stands out for: the way that MP100 uses animation is excellent. it takes a little getting used to but it’s just so fun, combining all sorts of different techniques to create an experience rich with drama and emotion. it’s playfully exaggerated and self-parodying, adding to the show’s fantastic sense of humor as well as its truly emotional moments.

criticism: the way that ESP works makes suspension of disbelief tricky. it’s a great feat to introduce a character who is essentially all-powerful and still make them interesting (even in fight scenes), but at times (especially the second season finale) it felt like a magic system with too much breadth and too few limitations. this might just be my bias for hard magic systems talking, though.

favorite character: other than mob and reigen? probably teru. he’s loads of fun AND all the season 1 episodes he’s in slap hard

favorite episode: the one where the girl asks mob out on a date as a dare.. it’s super cute

other commentary: thank you mp100 for being the leftist propaganda we all deserve <3

in all seriousness though, this show is a blast!! it does a great job switching between silly and serious in the blink of an eye. i also really appreciate the way that it balances comically huge stakes with much smaller, more personal stories. for example, the conflict between mob and reigen in season 2 is especially well-done. in general the emotions just feel so real? characters whose emotions tie into their powers are an excellent trope, and mob is a wonderful protagonist who exemplifies this really well.

finally, on a more critical note—there are so many characters in this show! and it feels like only a handful are fleshed out? however, this may be due to the fact that it’s not an adaptation of the entire manga (which i haven’t read). there’s a lot more to go! more characters to dive into! so i probably shouldn’t try to critique it in the same way as a finished work.

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba

pitch: demons kill a boy’s family and turn his sister into a demon, so he decides to try and figure out a way to turn his sister back into a human. what follows is a demon-killing adventure that’s in equal parts harrowing, poignant, and hilarious.

stands out for: there’s not much i can say about this other than “please just take a look” but the art and design is phenomenal. it does a much better job of integrating 2D and 3D than a lot of other animated series, and overall it is just so so pretty! all the character designs are complex, memorable, and fit the characters perfectly. the color choices are interesting and satisfying. i also really like the sound design? not often that i notice that in a show. i’ve watched so many KNY amvs by now lol it’s just amazing animation

criticism: the narration style leans too heavily towards tell instead of show. this is mostly an issue with the first few episodes, but i got super annoyed by how much the show would narrate every single one of tanjirou’s thoughts instead of letting us infer those thoughts through his actions and reactions—the latter, i think, would have been more emotionally impactful. sometimes silence speaks louder than words! tanjirou was also not the world’s most compelling protagonist in my opinion, though i think that mostly has to do with my own tastes.

favorite character: *holds up zenitsu* I Just Think He’s Neat. i actually kind of lost it when he first used his powers, like… damn i love characters with weird relationships with their magic like that. i also think the narrative about how having a solid foundation is sometimes more important than knowing a ton of different moves was really powerful. and he’s just funny! pathetic boy i love him

favorite arc: really just the whole spider arc. fucked up man… i love it. they pulled off that last twist so well, and all the family stuff was so weird and complex and emotional…

other commentary: it’s just a really solid and very well-written show! the team of tanjirou, zenitsu, and inosuke is so much fun… bro bonding :) i also quite like the horror elements; it’s fucked up but in a good way. finally, this is very specific, but the demon that can alter buildings/rooms through drumbeats? appealed to me very much. it’s a cool and unique power!

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

pitch: two kids do some fucked up alchemy and end up getting parts of their body stolen by god. now they’re on a quest to get their bodies back, but find themselves wrapped up in crazy government conspiracies and alchemy more powerful than they ever could’ve imagined…

stands out for: plot. by this i mean less overall concept (though the overall concept is pretty great too), and more that the pacing and progression of the story is extraordinarily tight. for the most part (the first few episodes are a little weak but i’ll let it slide), it does an excellent job establishing its premise and building on it logically, adding layers and layers that extend naturally from what we already know. everything has a reason for happening; everything is revealed in good time and all the twists are super satisfying. there’s great balance between exciting moments and quiet moments. it’s just very good at being a story!

(fun fact: i’m reading the manga right now and so far it’s even better paced than the show, which is super interesting! it’s especially good at how it lays out pieces of the backstory and then fills everything in later in a really satisfying way.)

criticism: this is incredibly specific but it’s what comes to mind as something that bothered me: winry’s character arc was really disappointing. for most of the series she’s a pretty strong character, but in the end it feels like she gets pushed aside, defined only by her relationship with ed. what happened to her wanting to take action more? that was a specific desire she expressed—wanting to be less passive! since she’s such an important character, i wish she could have had more presence in the last season other than as a sounding board for the elric bros’ emotions. (even though her one scene in the last episode was really good and emotional…)

favorite character: other than the elric bros, absolutely ling. he fits into multiple of my favorite character archetypes (fun, silly, bastard, gets possessed…) and he’s just overall a delight. plus his relationship with greed is really really good. bro bonding at its peak!! (my other favorite is pride. i will not say why because spoilers. but if you know me.. you know)

favorite episode: this is really really hard to choose but i’m gonna go with envy’s death because. holy shit.

other commentary: i’m a really big fan of the complex and nuanced way in which FMAB breaks down militaristic, imperial regimes from the inside. many of the characters have done awful things, and the story forces them to grapple with that and accept that all they can do now is be better in the future. the moral complexity is just really good! characters with flaws—we love to see it!

finally, parts of this story seem so so catered to Me Specifically that it’s no wonder i got so into it. like just the entire premise? the way that so much of the conflict is built out of identity crisis and exploring the nature of consciousness and human vs inhuman? beautiful. i love ed and al so much

*

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you so much for reading!! glad to have finally gotten this done (3 months late…) and put all my thoughts down. i hope this inspires someone to try watching one of the shows i discussed!

[popculturebuffet]

Donald Duck Birthday Special!: 12 Donald Shorts!

Happy Birthday to my faviorite duck! As you can probably guess from my previous Ducktales reviews Donald Duck is my faviorite of the classic disney gang. As an angry but well meaning, sometimes lazy sometimes hardoworing and always out of his depth guy really spoke to me for obvious reasons and my love of him made me check out life and times and well you know the rest.  But weirdly, until last month i’d hardly seen any of his theatrical shorts. I grew up as a “Tom and Jerry” and “Looney Tunes” kid, and with Disney never playing them on disney channel for whatever reason (even with the ones they really CAN’T play there’s dozens they sure as hell can), I just never had any real intrest. But then Louie’s Eleven happened , I was starved for Donsy content and thus rewatched Mr.Duck Steps out, and most of her filmography, skipping the ones where she’s the miserable wife from every sitcom... more on that later, and with one exception. So I wanted to review them.. but quickly reailzed that with 6 minutes for most shorts there’s not a ton to dig into, so I decided after finding out his birthday was next month to take a handful and pile them in here, review them and see what makes my boy so great, what dosen’t, and look at the good the bad and the holy shit did he just point a shot gun at that poor defensless animal of Donald Fauntleroy Duck. We get this party started under the cut. 

For funsies since, unlike most things I cover, every episode has a gif on here i’m going to use the gif keyboard to look up an image for the cartoon.. and if not well.. whatever’s there will have to do. 

1. The Wise Little Hen (1934) A charming little short that I rewatched today to get on the docket, and i’m glad I did. The plot is very simple: A Hen and her 8 chicks are planting, then harvesting corn. For each task they ask Peter Pig, Local dick and the Rusty Spokes of 1934, and Donald Duck, our boy looking very diffrent, for help. Peter just says who me then runs off while Donald fakes a bellyache. Both get their compuance when the Hen and her 8 chicks make a ton of goodies from the corn and decide to eat it all themselves, while donald and peter give themselves an ass kicking. 

I genuinely wish this is how life worked: Your bad, take advantage of people and your reward is not taking their beinfits and snickering but having to kick each other in the tuckuss on loop.. you know instead of the Peter Pigs of the world blaming people for getting maced in the face by stormtroopers. Sigh.  That aside it’s just a fun, charming short with great animation, and a great look for Donald. I do genuinely love his first look, even if it’d later be eased down to perfection. And there’s plenty of fun gags and great music. Overal a solid A short.  

2. Moving Day (1936) As you can see from the GIF this one isn’t strictly donald, we’re still one away from a starring role. After annoying the shit out of Mickey in the classic’s “The Orphans Benefit” and “The Band Concert” , Donald soon became his regular sidekick alongside Goofy. Both would quickly breakout and this short is apparent why as Mickey is a side character in his own labeled short.  The setup is somehow, after 84 years, STILL relevant to modern day. Basically Mickey and Donald are tennants who haven’t for whatever reason, paid their rent and are 6 months behind. And sure they could just be obnoxious squatters doing it onlyf or their art who shriek like banshees the moment their asked to actually pay rent, but thankfully this isn’t RENT, or else I would’ve jumped out of a window by now. No given this is the depression, their likely trying to hold onto their house and meager posessions for as long as they can while work is incredibly scarce... not like.. now.. ha .. ha. ha.... I may take the window up on it’s offer after all.  Anyways, our valiant heroes decide to try and cram everything they can into their friend Goofy’s milk truck while Pete’s busy putting up signs to advertise him trying to sell their shit to make up his back rent. WHich translates to a bit of mickey doing that and most of the short being spent with donald fighting a rug and Goofy being outsmarted by a piano. Both are utterly hilarious and prove why these two became far more popular, and overall the short’s a damn good timea nd our heroes win by still getting a pile of possesions out while their antics destroy the rest so pete gets nothing! Horay! They can sleep at goofy’s place! Now moving on from crushing reality, it’s animal cruelty! 

3. Don Donald (1937) I wasn’t kidding. Yeahhh this was donald’s first full, not attached to Pluto for some reason or an adorable chicken family or his mousy overlord short. Don Donald. Donald’s in mexico, for some reason and wooing a lady, in this case Daisy prototype, Donna Duck as seen in the header image. I like her, they have a diffrent dynamic, both being kind of tempramental and flirty instead of that being just ONE of donald and daisy’s dynamics. Others being muttually supportive and adorable (Ducktales and Quack Pack) or daisy being the wife from according to jim, or last man standing, or my wife and kids, or king of queens, or the george lopez show, or everybody loves raymond, or ... you know what i’m depressed enough from the last two shorts you get it. But you know without Donald being an obnoxious asshole who views every guy his daughter dates like a horny degernate who just wants to get in there and overreacts to everything involving them and makes me pray for death but death wont come.... I may not like classic daisy very much. Moving on.  That being said as you can tell from the donkey abuse donald.. ihs a fucking asshole in this one.. and not the loveable asshole he is in the band concert mind you I mean he’s less brent sienna and more tucker carleson. He laughs at his girlfriends misforutunes and hit shis burro and then tries to trade it in for a car.. which he does. He gets his commupance and all but yeah.. it’s deeply uncomfortable to watch him abuse this animal for half the runtime. Trading it in is one thing, but he’s still an utter dick to it.A short that COULD’VE been fun that instead is just uncomfortable, even given the time it takes place in. 

4. Donald’s Ostrich (1937) Donald works at a distant train station taking care of various cargo that comes in and ends up having to care for an adorable ostrich named hortense. Hyjinks, especially once she swallows Donald’s Radio, insue. This short.. is a MASSIVE step up from don donald. INstead of uncomfortable animal abuse donald just gets frustrated with an ostrich and battered round a bit, and tries to cure her hiccups. My faviorite bit is when hortense arrive, and stands up with a box on her,a nd donald goes under her gives a greatly delivered by Clarence Nash “what’s going on around here” before hortense sits on him. Really funny. And yes Hortsense is a regular ostrich. And yes that paradox has been around this long. But this one’s way funnier, way more charming and really damn adorable and dosen’t remind me of the crushing horrors of real life so yeah. A+. There’s only one short I like as much and it’s coming up. 

5. Modern Inventions (1937) Another one from his first year and another classic. Basically donald deals with various inventions in a “house of the future” type attractions, gets ruffled by them and the robot butler seen above steals his hat with a dry brtiish “your hat sir” while donald adorably pulls one out of thin air in increasingly creative ways. Again plotwise these shorts are simple but by now they figured out what made donald work: getting frustrated sure but with him being a relatable every man and sometimes trickster as seen here with the hats and him pulling that old coin on a string trick. 

He also dresses up like a baby at one point and i’ts weird but oddly funny... but yeah donald is in peak form here and this one is another clear A+, if for the running robot gag alone as donald keeps puttingon new hats and the robot has a truly spectacular design.

 6. Donald’s Better Self (1938)

Now for a weird one.. not the most surreal thing on our list, despite you know a devil version of donald popping out of his mailbox, but it’s damn close because you know, Donald as Satan popping out of his mailbox.  In short Donald is cast as a school aged child.... you know what’s coming. 

And you may say “Well jake they were just experimenting and his age was vauge at first” and to that I say, with no joke Huey Dewey and Louie debuted THIS SAME YEAR. Even given how adaptable older cartoon characters are, and they are it’s part of the charm, and tha’ts fine.. this is a bit over the line. Oh and it gets weirder as donald has the standard cartoon angel and devil arguging over his actions things.. only here the Angel and Devil are donald sized, and again fighting over the soul of a chid in the body of a 30 year old man, literally in some cases, ending with said devil encouraging donald to smoke before he and the angel get into a fistfight. While not an especially GOOD short, you have to admit.. it’s unique.. batshit but unique and worth at least one watch. 

7. Donald’s Penguin (1938)

The second in our trilogy within a series of “Donald gets a pet” shorts, this one start’s out fine, Donald gets an adorable penguin named Tootsie from “Colonel bird” and does cute things like immitate it’s walk or what not while Tootsie is a grumpus. Fun stuff. Then tootsie apparenlty eats Donald’s fish, and donald spanks the poor bird. Now this pissed off some people on Letterboxd but me, while it’s slightly distressing, it was 1938: while spanking was NEVER a great thing, it was acceptable back then and as far as Donald knew Toottsie knew not to eat the fish, Donald had told him no adorably, and did it anyway. So donald goes to get an apology trout, which he just.. has for some reason out of the ice box and uh.. things take a turn from “it was accpetable at the time” to “HOLY SHIT”...  Tootsie decides fuck it and eats the fish and uh... Donald.. how do I put this calmly.. ahemahem okay... DONALD GRABS A FUCKING SHOT GUN AND CHASES HIM AROUND, THEN ONLY BACKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND, A SHORT FIRES, AND HE MOURNS WHAT HE THINKS IS HIS DEAD PENGUIN. We then get a cute shot at the end but holy shit.While Elmer fudd is one thing since he’s A) the bad guy and B) is indeed trying to kill a wild animal he has a lisence for instead of his fucking pet whose a protected species if those existed back then, this is just... like the donkey abuse, deeply uncomfortable. It’s one thing to spank a pet, even up to the 90′s that was acceptale and still is in some circles, but it’s another to try and murder it over a slight infraction. Just.. jesus christ. I want Tootsie back too, this was objectivley terrifying. Let’s move on. 

8. Mr Duck Steps Out (1940)

Ahhhh yes the short about dancing that brought me to the dance. This one is, without a shred of second guessing, which for my anxious self is a miracle, my faviorite both of this batch and in general.  The short is about Donald trying to go on a date with Daisy at her house, and his nephews inviting themselves along and trying to ruin there uncle’s every attempt at getting romantic with wacky hyjinks. That’s.. basically the plot.. as you can tell these things are very light on plot but here that’s all you need.  A few things to note. 1) The boys are VERY much in their early characterization, i.e., their all assholes instead of “All huey 2k17 but dialed down a notch” or “karmic tricksters working against their uncle’s ego”, though they’d ocassionally dip into this in the 80′s ducktales depending on the episode, especially if webby was around, and shove their face into it and inhale deeply like me with the hidden mountain of cocaine hidden under my basement.   The second is that Daisy has a duck voice, much like Donna did for this short and only this one. It’s not too distracting given she barely speaks, though she has more than enough body language to make up for it, it’s just.. odd.. especailly since it means Clarence Nash, donald’s voice actor, is voicing EVERYONE in the short and doing a terrific job of it.  Even weirder is Disney would later redub a shortned version for Disney Channel in the 2010′s that had their modern voice actors (Donald Aselmo, Tress Macneil and Russi Taylor, god rest her soul) re-dub it and it just feels all kinds of wrong despite the three being excellent va’s. I dunno the cleaner modern audio just feels wonky coming out of the old 40′s short.  But despite it’s oddities the short really has fun, from the iconic little dance donald does at the start...

Serioulsy I freaking love that dance and his outfit. To the little laughs donald gives when telling daisy “HA, I brought my nephews ha” like a 40′s tommy wiseau, to him roaring in a lion skin to the ending which is just pure adorable and nice because Donald actually GETS to win, especially because half of all donald shorts or comics where he’s sympathetic end up with Donald miserable and beaten up and me like this. 

Instead Daisy kisses him all over and over again, until the night goes dancing. 

Overal a fun, fast paced short about Donald trying to get laid and the gold standard of Donald Duck shorts. Two more things before I move on. This was co-written by disney comics legend Carl Barks, and it shows, and i’d be remiss if Id idn’t mention this bit of Daisy, after playfully shoving donald away when he coyly asks for a kiss, giving him a come hither signal with her butt.. which is somehow hot. Don’t ask me how.

And with that mental image we move on. What do we got next?

9. The Spirit of 43 (1943)

Ah yes propaganda! and the first one I couldn’t find a gif for. I watched this one because it’s another Barks one, he worked on several of these and was also the one who suggested not having HDL be assholes all the time as he felt, rightly, it’d get old after a while, and because it has protypes for scrooge and gladstone, and is thus one of the only shorts Scrooge is in and the only classic one... And like Donald’s Better Self it’s fucking weird. It’s all propganda no joke as ONCE AGAIN, yes AGAIN, two figures battle for Donald’s soul, this time a scottish man encouraging him to save and donate and a sleezy huckster encouraging him to spend for himself.. even though spending in bars and what not helps the economy and gives the bartender money to stay open during such trying times, but whatever. Also the huckster aka proto gladstone turns into hitler.. yes really.. and Donald then punches him through a swastika captain america style because donald duck is hardcore. Trust me this is somehow NOT a cocaine induced fever dream I had. Not a great one but like Donald’s Better Self worth at least one watch, in this case in additiont o the insantiy for the historical value of seeing two prototypes for Carl Barks most iconic characters. 

10. Sleepy Time Donald (1947)

As you can tell this one’s way more wholesome and way less of a drug trip. Donald goes sleepwalking and Daisy, realizing it, plays along so he dosen’t wake up and goes thorugh the motions of one of their dates. Very simple, ending with Donald thinking he’s the sleepwalker before she conks him out, and very adorable as while Donald isn’t concious, and has a boot on his head, we see what a standard date for them is like when Daisy is being written well as they strut around the park, he proposes, it’s all really damn cute and if you like these two together, you’ll really enjoy this one. Not much else to say other than it’s really precious and really funny and creative. Kinda hard to follow up Donald duck punching out hitler. 

11. Daddy Donald (1948)

Another quick one and the end of the “donald gets an animal” trilogy. First off, while I only got one gif from this short, I DID get this lovely image under “Daddy Donald” in Tumblr’s gif search thing

Awwwww. Anyways, Donald adopts a kangaroo like it was a baby, it’s kind of weird, not as weird as the above. He and Joey slowly bond, while he gets directions on what to do from the lady at the adoption place over the phone and hyjinks insue. Kind of cute but not quite reaching the heights of “Donald’s ostrich or the first hal fof “Donald’s Penguin” and not being quite as surreal as Double LIfe or Donald Punches Hitler.. which is what Spirit of 43 should’ve been named. I mean at least “De Fuherer’s Face” had a memorable name. But yeah not one of hte more notable ones and I mostly included it to round out the trilogy. Speaking of trilogy’s to close out this celebration of Donald, one of the last shorts and the last one featuring Daisy, and the inspriation fo rher Ducktales outfit. Donald’s Diary. 

12. Donald’s Diary (1954) Well.. this is basically one half of a good short ending in a lot of misogny. I could end it there but there is a lot to this short. It basically has donald, weridly in a clearly voiced narration talking about his courtship with Daisy as she first tries to get his attention and he’s oblivious.

Then she uses a rope trap and we get this iconic image which is concentrated awwwww. 

Then they date, Daisy’s implied to have dated a bunch of guys which was a bad thing in the 50′s but is perfectly resonable in 2020, and he meets her brothers, basically huey dewey and louie standins and her.. parents. Yes apparnetly donald’s parents have to be implicitly dead by present day, but Daisy’s can be alive. Weird ain’t it? It’s pretty adorable, has some great gags and we even get him proposing and them marrying!  And then the shoe drops.. yeah the rest of the short is how she expects him to GASP work all day , fair enough but then GASP do all the chores.. which is bad but the short implies it’s because he’s the man and she’s the woman and she should do housework. It’s actually bad because marriage is an equal partnership and while asking him to do a chore or too after working all day is fine just fine, asking him to do EVERYTHING while you do nothing is abusive and terrible and i’ve seen it actually happen in my friend’s previous marriage. So yeah this message can fuck off. And I knokw standards of the time, penguins having shotguns pointed at them etc but there’s not having aged well but being able to ignore it and there’s this.  And then she procedes to spousally abuse him and work him to the bone, and then he wakes up, and assuming ALL marraige sare like this dosen’t end up proposing leaving the poor girl wondering what the fuck she did to upset him. Real fucking cute guys. Seriously just.. part of the reason this part bothers me so much is MANY people think this is what marriage is like, like a fucking terrible sitcom. Life isn ot like home improvment or according to jim, or my wife and kids or king of queens or family guy, or you get my point again and yes I reused some their that bad.. even now we get stuff like man with a plan. It annoys me because 70+ years later and while it’s getting better this same lazy comedy still happens! and much like king of queens wasted the late great jerry stiller, this short wastes great animation and a great first half to tell a terrible story. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth and is a bleh note to end on. Watch the first half because it’s adorable, end it at the wedding.  IN conclusion Donald’s shorts are a mixed bag but as you could tell some are truly spectacular and some are worth the spectacle and all have terrific animation and effort put in, evne when they didn’t deserve it and as such I couldn’t think of a better way to honor donald’s birthday than with these animators hard, well worth it efforts. Even when it wasn’t great, it was still somewhat fun. So happy birthday old friend and here’s to many more. Later Days.

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[himbowelsh]

valentine's day with Eugene Jackson or Henry Jones, pls ♡

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

yo what’s up can you hear me screaminggggg i had no idea how to do this!!  they’re both such minor characters, but i went with jackson because i’d already written a few headcanons on him already.  hope this is okay, love!!

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Physical affection all the way, baby  ---  Jackson’s the kind of guy who doesn’t think twice about it. He loves touching as much as he loves being touched   ---  a hand on someone’s arm or clutching their shoulder is a great way to let them know that they aren’t alone. (It helps that he’s a hugger.) When he really cares for someone, he’s prone to teasing them as well  ---  always in good humor, but his sharp-witted jokes underscore a deep affection.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Lol nah. His mama was passionate about her flower garden, and Eugene was basically forbidden to go near it when he was little (being the type of kid who caused carnage without even trying). He’s developed a natural distaste for flowers ever since. Not a fan of bouquets at all, and tries to avoid them.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

All chocolate is good chocolate  ---  which is why he should just be given all the chocolate.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He’d love something daredevil-ey, like jetskiiing or parasailing; even an amusement park date, as long as his partner’s willing to ride all the giant coasters. He craves that shot of adrenaline, but also to see how his partner reacts under intense circumstances. Nothing’s sexier than steel nerves.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

I’ll reiterate  ---   Jackson is a hugger, and he’s not ashamed of it. Part of it comes from growing up in a big family, when sometimes in the winters you just had to dogpile each other to stay warm. He loves being held, but especially loves getting to hold someone else; just feeling another body presses against his summons a tranquility within him that’s not often seen. His hugs tend to last a few seconds   ---  and god forbid he sits down to hold someone, because then he’s in it for the long haul. Half-assed snuggling? Not here, no sir.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Lots of winking; he’s got an arsenal of pick-up lines, ranging from really corny to really dirty, and he’ll whip them out according to his mood. No champion flirt, but he gets points for trying. Also very liberal with buying people drinks, so that helps.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

No! He’s horrible at it! The absolute worst! Which isn’t to say he doesn’t try, but he’s not intuitive when it comes to what the people in his life want...  so if he tries to get them something, it’s always exactly the wrong thing.  His mother doesn’t need a new potholder, she already has five! What does his sister need a geometry textbook for, she finished school last year! Just go with gift cards, buddy, it’s your safest option.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Jackson rushes into everything, and falling in love is no exception. As soon as someone strikes his heartstrings, he’s all in. However, it’s harder than you’d think to get to that point; he’s not easily moved emotionally, so for someone to capture his heart they’d really have to make an impression.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It’s not something he really gives much thought to. His partner would probably have to say it first   ---  it’d give him pause for a moment, just enough to stop and realize, “oh, that’s pretty cool”, followed by, “huh, should I have said that first?”  immediately succeeded by “ah, what the hell, I’m saying it now”. Once that barrier’s been crossed in a relationship, he says it enthusiastically and often. 

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Extremely.  He’s not ashamed of it, either  ---  in a relationship, a fella’s got certain rights, and those rights include not seeing some other guy cozying up to his partner. Jackson will make a scene about it, and if they choose not to take the hint, isn’t above throwing a punch. While his partner might be a little embarrassed, he doesn’t have any shame

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

He uses a lot of tongue. Like...  occasionally too much tongue. He’s a biter, too, bit is more careful with that, and it works to his advantage. When he takes his partner’s lip into his mouth, allowing his teeth to bare down on the skin just enough to get them moaning, he means business. Loves to have his hands on his partner’s ass while kissing, feeling it up like a prize ham at the fair. Definitely a grinder; even though he gets ahead of himself quickly, his kisses are a whirlwind, definitely worth the price of admission.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

He’s a bit of a Momma’s Boy, even if he won’t admit it   ---   she’s always got prize place in his heart, and the last thing Jackson would want to do is hurt her. (Unfortunately, impulsive sons have a talent for hurting their mothers.) He’s very fond of his siblings, had a few teachers in elementary school that he’ll still sing the praises of today, and is very, very attached to his buddies.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Midnight is where it’s at. At least, that’s when he’s always in the mood, every night, without fail. “Romantic” is one word for it.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He’s got so much energy, man. Where does he get it? Where does he keep it all? Where does it go as soon as the deed’s done, and he’s passing out in minutes? Jackson’s a very physical lover; he likes it rough, just because he loves grabbing his partner and keeping his hands on them for as long as possible. Nails on his skin? Hell yes. Doing it in weird places  ---  somewhere they could be discovered easily? Sign him up. He’s got a thing for flexible partners, plus partners who use teeth. Leaves love marks like they’re going out of fashion. If he hasn’t completely worn his partner out by the end, leaving them too exhausted and satisfied to sit upright, something went wrong.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Definitely not. He’s plainspoken, quite blunt, and couldn’t string together a poem if you paid him  ---  but he always says what he means. When something’s on his mind, Jackson’s the type to just blurt it out.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Jackson wants someone entertaining, someone not afraid to have fun; a down-to-earth person who’s not afraid of a challenge. Super competitive people are a kink for him. Someone with a tough side. They have to have a good sense of humor, and understand his, even if his humor is...  offbeat at times. They must be a dog person. He’s got a thing for dark hair, and would love a partner who knows how to move it on the dance floor.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Like...  he’ll do it. Eventually, he’ll do it. He’s in no rush to do it, but if his partner wants to, he’ll give them the best damn proposal they’ve ever seen. So long as he doesn’t trip and drop the ring.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, unfortunately. Some romantic veins, a few romance-inclined nerves, but other than that, he’s not wired that way. Candles and roses go way over his head; Jackson shows his love in different, more physical ways. But if his partner wants romance, and they make that known to him, he’ll put every ounce of effort into it   ---   Jackson’s ride-or-die til the end, and he won’t stop until he’s made his partner happy.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

From the age of four to the age of fourteen, Jackson was very set in his “girls are gross” phase. He had no desire for a childhood romance whatsoever, even if he’s sure one of his sisters’ friends was a little dewy-eyed for him.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

It’s genuinely not something he’s ever given much thought to. He wouldn’t even consider it ‘til he found someone who might be the genuine article  ---  someone he could conceivably spend the rest of his life with. Then...  yeah, true love might be real after all, if it’s real enough for him.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Nah. Never let himself get that far. Jackson is scarily durable, and bounces back from emotional/physical injuries like a ping-pong ball. It would take something absolutely devastating to break him.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He’s never given it much thought before, just been sort of annoyed at how his sisters fuss over who gave them flowers at school, and who’s going out with who. A Valentine’s Day novice. If his partner wanted to do something romantic, he’d be completely at a loss, but try his damn best.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

It’s something his Mama really wants, but Jackson’s in no hurry. Life is long, he’s young and healthy, not planning on going anywhere anytime soon...  before he tethers himself to anything, he wants to live. If a partner comes along who’s eager to live with him...  well, they might just be the one. He’d marry, but it’d take a while, and only in a long-term relationship.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Not often, but sometimes he’ll make up goofy ones, just to get a smile out of his partner. All his younger siblings have nicknames that he uses religiously, though.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Oh, god yeah. He’ll get feral about it. 200% not afraid to clock a bastard if they threaten someone he cares about. He doesn’t even need a reason, he’ll just fight for funsies.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

He didn’t get many opportunities back home, but in the army he’s gone a little wild. Lots of going out with the boys, lots of picking up ladies  ---  paid company of otherwise. There have been a few legendary whoring binges in Easy Co’s history, and Jackson has been on all of them. Probably about...  8-9 partners??  He wracks them up fast.

[lavenderevezzz]

HEY! HEY! I'm back with a Demon Slayer Oc! I've recently gotten into this anime/manga and it's seriously good, especially with the amazing art style! I made her for funsies and I really like how she turned out! It was also really fun to come up with names and moves for the “Breath of Snow” style that she uses! 

(P.S. The only thing I don't own are the background images, which I found on google! And apologies in advance for the long Bio, lol~^~^:)

Fuyukawa Miyuki

Gender: Female

Species: Human

Age: 16

Birthday: 9/25 (Virgo)

Height: 170cm (5’6”)

Weight: 57kg (125lbs)

Hair (color and style): Miyuki has short, black curly hair with bangs that curl towards her face and covers her forehead.

Eyes (color and style): Miyuki has grey colored eyes.

Body (build, skin, distinguishing features, ect.): Miyuki is a somewhat tall young girl with olive toned skin and beauty marks on her face. She noted for having a somewhat intimidating disposition and sharp eyes.

Clothes: Miyuki wears a white haori jacket with a blue diamond and tan border trim, the black jacket and black shorts of her Demon Hunter uniform, black tights, tan leg warmers, and black finger-less gloves.

Personality: At first glance, Miyuki seems to be a stern and no-nonsense type of girl. Her perpetual scowl and glaring often give off the impression of her being angry or annoyed, which deters a lot of people from talking to her. She also always appears to be cool and composed

In reality, however, Miyuki is actually very shy and sweet. The reason for her constant scowling and stiff nature is due to her nervousness and crippling social anxiety when talking to others. She wishes to get to know others better and make friends so she becomes sad when people, specifically kids and animals, run away from her because they find her scary. She can be embarrassed easily and sometimes goes into self-deprecating monologues when she’s feeling especially down.

Despite all this though, Miyuki is very hardworking and respectful, always making sure to not bring shame to her master, who trained her in the Snow Breath. Because of this, she will always try her best to complete her missions and will not be deterred easily.

History: Born in the snowy mountain region of Hokkaido, Miyuki spent her early years of life by herself with no real memories of her mother, father, or any possible family. She spent her younger years hunting small animals and selling their pelts at a nearby market for money.

One day, Miyuki was attacked by a giant brown bear after she accidentally got too close to its den. Luckily, she was saved from being killed by a lone Ainu woman who went by the name of Shirokani. Grateful and awed by her strength, Miyuki would ask to repay her debt to Shirokani, to which the woman accepted after some hesitancy.

Miyuki would then spend the next few years helping Shirokani with chores, hunting, and other things around the cabin that they shared. She would also eventually learn more about Shirokani’s past and how her entire Kotan, including her husband and children, were slaughter by demons. After the tragic accident, Shirokani joined the Demon Slayer Corps and spent a good majority of her life hunting and killing demons.

Miyuki, inspired by Shirokani, asked to be trained by her in order to hunt demons as well. Shirokani agreed and trained Miyuki in the Breath of Snow style.

Natural Abilities:

-Synesthesia: Ever since she was a child, Miyuki has always been able to sense the colors of sounds, smells, and emotions. She used her synesthesia to get by on her day to day life, avoiding those with “bad” or “scary” colors and interacting with those with “good” and “kind” colors. Miyuki notes that each person and living thing has a unique color which fits their personalities. She also notes that demons usually have a black, virulent color. Her synesthesia has some setbacks though, such as how being in crowded or loud places can give her a headache because the combined colors can become too intense for her.

-Analytical Ability: Miyuki is very analytical and quick on her feet, which proves to be advantageous for her when fighting against her enemies. She has a bit of a one-track mind though, which can make it hard for her to deal with multiple demons at once because she can become too focused on one demon at a time.

Swordsmanship:

Breath Style: Breath of Snow (Yuki no kokyū)

-First Style: Sastrugi (Ichi no kata: Sasutoragi)

   Miyuki lets out a series of quick, yet irregular slashes that are low to the ground.

-Second Style: Snow Angel (Ni no kata: Yuki no tenshi)

   Miyuki swings her sword upwards then downwards in a quick succession.

-Third Style: The Bite of Frost (San no kata: Tōshō)

   Miyuki gets close to her enemies and let lose a series of quick stabs.

-Fourth Style: Snowball (Shi no kata: Yukidaruma)

   Miyuki spins her body, along with her sword, around to send out a series of circular slices while in the air.

-Fifth Style: Delicate snowflake melting away (Go no kata: Sensaina seppen no yūkai)

   A series of slices that beheads her enemies in a painless manner.

-Sixth Style: Diamond Dust (Roku no kata: Daiyamondo dasuto)

   While up in the air, Miyuki can send down a series of small, yet quick and relentless slashes towards her enemy.

-Seventh Style: Waltz of the Snowflakes (Shichi no kata: Yuki no warutsu)

   Miyuki moves her body in a dance like, coordinated manner while dodging her enemies and using one, continuous slice. Works well when in large groups but is rather slow.

-Eighth Style: Gale of the Blizzard (Hachi no kata: Fubuki no kyōfū)

   Miyuki quickly runs in a straight line while sending out a series of arched slashes.

-Ninth Style: Ninth Circle Frozen Lake (Ku no kata: Dai kyū-en kōtta mizūmi)

   Miyuki moves her sword, starting from the ground, in an upward motion. While it make look like she only let out one slice, she actually sent out four, giving the appearance that her one slice has separated.

-Tenth Style: Yuki Onna’s Frozen Heart (Ju no kata: Yuki onna no Kōtta kokoro)

   Miyuki sends out six quick and devastating crossed and diagonal slices that mimics the vague shape of a snowflake, starting from the center of her enemy’s chest. It then ends with her decapitating her enemy.

Other:

-Her favorite color is light blue.

-Her favorite food is Ishikari Nabe and her favorite drink is milk.

-She likes cute things.

-She hates bugs with a fiery passion.

-She likes to read in her spare time.

[risottostitties]

Hi! It's me again sorry I just love ur blog so much please don't slice my body in 26 pts.😂 Jk! qwq any Headcanons for La squadra with an Aspiring mangaka S/O? Like she really REALLY Love to make a comic so much? (Take note she's not sassy as Rohan lmao)

ur lucky none of my knives are sharp. (lmao jk jk I’m so happy you like my dumb blog aaaaa)

Risotto

Intrigued but hesitant. Hopefully you don’t plan on incorporating his likeness into your manga at all. He’d be antsy about a character inspired by him, even if it bore no resemblance to the real thing at all.

He has a habit of throwing himself into his own work, so he doesn’t often ask you to take breaks or remind you about things like food and sleep. More or less leaves you alone if he sees you’re really deep into your work.

Enjoys working on his own stuff in the same room as you. There’s something to be said about enjoying each other’s company in silence.

Really likes looking over your shoulder as you draw. He was never artistic so watching how rough sketches become inked panels is fascinating to him.

Gifts you fancy pens often, even if they aren’t the best practicality wise. He would be thankful if you gave him specific names and thicknesses you liked.

Prosciutto

He’s another one that doesn’t drag you out to take breaks, but unlike Risotto he’d at least bring you coffee. He’d like to sit with you too, instead of leaving you be.

If he sees you’re becoming exceptionally tired Prosciutto would kindly (and firmly) suggest that the two of you retire for the night.

If you ask him for his opinion on something he’ll be honest with you. Prosciutto doesn’t sugarcoat his words, but he does make sure to reiterate that he’s proud of your work no matter what.

Great at pep talks and surprisingly good at brainstorming ideas with you too if you find yourself stuck on how to advance the plot.

Of a similar mind to Risotto when it comes to ‘cameos’ in the manga. But if he sees a character wearing something that looks suspiciously like Grateful Dead’s eyes he’d be flattered.

Pesci

He’s a nice middle ground between Prosciutto and Fromaggio in terms of getting you to take a break. He’s not as annoying as Fromaggio is but more insistent than Prosciutto.

Pesci is already a fan of anime and manga. He’s read enough manga to know a bit about panel composition and the general process of writing one and if you ask he’d hesitantly offer up what he thinks are good suggestions.

He doesn’t want his opinions to get in the way with your creative process so he’d be hesitant about sharing unless you assured him you really wanted him to.

Would never ask you to draw him in your manga, or pester you for art but if you drew him in the background of a page he’d be incredibly flustered and happy.

If you get fustrated and throw away a page he’ll take it out of the trash and keep it.

Fromaggio

Please make him the star of your manga, he won’t stop pestering you about it.

Also please draw him in your style, he will pester you about that too.

Don’t tell him how the plot is going to go, he’ll spoil it somehow.

He gets antsy if you work for too long, especially if he’s just come back from a job and he hasn’t seen you in a while. He’s gone enough for his work anyway, why would he want to spend his limited free time in silence watching you draw when you two could be doing something fun?

Despite his habit of trying to pull you from your work, he’s actually very supportive of this. He’d help you mail off copies of your work to publishing companies and is the first to suggest a massive party when one of them inevitably offers to publish your work.

If he catches wind of people talking shit on line he can and will make a throwaway account and debate them.

Illuso

watching you work from the mirror world because he prefers to do everything from the mirror world. If you invite him in though, he won’t decline.

Not too familiar with the process of manga writing but enjoys watching it anyway. He’s pretty low maintenance so he doesn’t mind passing the time with only the sound of your pens and pencils breaking up the silence.

Takes note of the type of pens you like to use and what they’re primarily used for (shading, line work, blocking, detail, etc) and those will sometimes appear on your desk.

Likes listening to you talk about your work, the fire in your eyes is endearing to him.

He’s not an artist himself but if you ask him for an opinion on something he’ll give it to you no holds barred.

Never realized how much of a technical aspect there was to manga writing and finds himself fascinated by all the little things you might not notice when reading like text formatting and panel composition.

Melone

another one that wants to be in your manga

while he certainly has a preference for certain genre if you write something outside of his typical favorites he’d be happy to read it anyway.

spitballs character concepts and power ideas with you for funsies. 

Enjoys hanging over your shoulders to watch you work even if it gets in the way.

Would 100% cosplay the main character of your manga and make it weird by hitting on you the whole time.

Would also make it weird by asking you to draw what you think your kid together would look like.

Genuinely treasures any art you give him though. He frames it and keeps it in a place he can see every day.

Would get misty eyed if you made a character inspired by his older sister and gave her a happy family.

Might want to write a children’s book with you one day. He’d supply the text while you drew the pictures. But he wouldn’t mention it until after you finished your manga. Doesn’t want to distract you from your primary focus.

Ghiaccio

He’s kind of like a built in editor which is either really great or awful depending on how well you take Ghiaccio level ‘critique’ because while he might love you, that doesn’t mean he’s going to go easy on you.

Ghiaccio is more a stickler for writing rather than the art or panel composition of your manga. If you’re going to let him read it while its still unfinished you’re going to have to be careful which idioms or turn of phrase you use.

He’s supportive though, and while it might not be possible to cut him off once he’s started picking apart an idiom you used that he took issue with at least he apologizes later about it.

One of the ones who makes sure you take a break weather you want to or not.

Enjoys the quiet moments together where you’re working on your manga and he’s reading in the same room and you two are just spending time together like that.

Surprise him one day with a ‘candid’ drawing of him reading with you and he’ll be a mess.