#Shrek 2 is the best Shrek

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.

[julientel]

Astarion has zero patience

NOT A SHIP

[greennectarine]

I just bought the Shrek 2 soundtrack on iTunes for Her. She will forever be my serotonin.

[matchalovertrait]

After about 10 months of dating, Dulce decided it was time for her family to meet Caruso, and well... let's just say that things could've gone better.... Will this shake things up in the Alegría household?

Note: For those who don't know, the "discovery" of "spa water" was a very real thing 💀 That sounds so unappetizing. Insulting in many ways lol.

Transcript

Erick: Nice to meet you, Caruso!

Noemí: What a pleasure to finally meet you.

Caruso: Thank you. I see where your daughter got her good looks from.

Noemí: Oh my! How flattering.

Ángel: Um... is he really using his phone at the dinner table?

Noemí: It's so nice to have every seat filled up at the table! Now we wait for the grandchildren to come.

Erick: [Whispers] Are you seeing what I'm seeing...

Pavan is completely oblivious, too in love with Ángel to notice anything.

Ángel: [Whispers] Yeah...

Erick: I'll give him another chance... Nice shirt, what's your favorite album of theirs?

Caruso: Oh, I don't listen to this band. Their music is boring. I thought the design on the shirt looked rad as hell.

Erick: I see.... please excuse me.

Noemí: Your agua fresca is amazing! It's agua de pepino, right?

Caruso: ...Agua... fresca? No, no. This is my creation! I call it "spa water."

Noemí: Oh... clever.

Ángel: I'm not sure if my drawing is conveying the message y'know?

Pavan: Looks great to me. The colors play into the theme of not escaping one's past.

Ángel: Ah perfect. I was going to sign myself up for Color Theory 101 again.

Caruso: Color theory? What's there to theorize? Colors exist, obviously. Just look everywhere, haha. Am I right or am I right?

Ángel: Is this a joke?

Noemí: Ahem... Mija, can you come help sing a lullaby to the fish? They won't sleep.

Dulce: Oh we have pet fish now? Since when do fish need music to sleep anyway? [Says quietly] Also, I sing well?

Caruso: Yeah you sing beautifully.

Noemí: Um... It's a new kind of science. Let's go, just the two of us.

[katetorias]

i hate that people don’t have the ability to find memes funny while also still appreciating the art the meme is based on… creep by radiohead is a genuinely great emotional song, careless whisper isnt just a romantic little joke it’s actually such a beautiful and sad song. i dunno… it makes me so sad!!! what do you mean the use of creep in an appropriate scene took you out of the movie?? it’s still a song about that emotion those feelings.. whatever!!!

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SHREK 2 *  assorted dialogue from the 2004 film, adjust as necessary

it's so good to be home!

aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!

look at the time. i guess you'd better be going.

don't you want to tell me about your trip?

we need a little time, you know, to be together. just with each other.

you don't have to worry about a thing.

i will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.

i'll see you sunday for a barbecue or something.

royal ball? can i come?

don't you think they might be a bit shocked to see you like this?

stop it. they're not like that.

you could at least give them a chance.

who says i want to be a part of this family?

so that's it. you won't come?

we are not going. and that's final.

are we there yet?

that's not funny. that's really immature.

this is taking forever. there's no in-flight movie or nothing!

so... you still think this was a good idea?

happy now? we came. we saw them. now let's go.

quick! while they're not looking, we can make a run for it.

i'd like you to meet my husband.

what do you mean, "not on the list?" don't tell me you don't know who i am.

thanks for waiting. i had the hardest time getting into this place.

i suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children.

it's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?

i only did that because i love her.

i'm here to make it all better.

i don't want to leave. when did you decide this?

do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what i wanted?

i've made changes for you, [name]. think about that.

i knew this would happen.

i think you're taking this a little too personally.

you act as if love is totally predictable.

is that you? my gosh! it's been years.

you've forced me to do something i really don't want to do.

my diet is ruined!

use your imagination.

i need to have someone taken care of.

who dares speak to me?

for this, i charge a great deal of money.

i was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier.

i don't know what came over me. do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over?

we passed that three times already!

don't get huffy! i'm only trying to help!

almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.

i do believe we can make this work to our advantage.

i would think you'd be happy for me.

i'm just thinking about what's best for you. maybe you should do the same.

pick me! i'll be your true love!

for you, baby... i could be.

if you really love her... you'll let her go.

just leave the bottle.

it was all just a stupid mistake.

i hate mondays.

i can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you.

he's gorgeous! he has a face that looks like it was carved by angels.

you know, shockingly, this isn't make me feel any better.

you better have a good reason for dragging us down here.

perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off?

you can't force someone to fall in love.

you're supposed to say i have the right to remain silent. nobody said i have the right to remain silent!

i am wearing ladies underwear.

we're going to need flour. lots and lots of flour.

i'm just playing the part.

is that glitter on your lips?

will you honor me with a dance?

let's crash this party!

you were supposed to give her the potion!

i'd hoped you'd never see me like this.

i just wish i could be the man you deserve.

if you kiss me now... we can stay like this.

whatever happens, i must not cry.

[ashironie]

i’m sure someone has done this before me, but here’s all of joel’s equipment names (that i have found), most of them are from his most recent hermitcraft ep, 17

[bestanimatedmovie]

Choose your favorite!

Either way, Puss is losing a life here

Vote in the other polls!

What fans say:

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish:

It has a very well done and mature depiction of serious topics (mortality) and mental health. My favourite scene is the depiction of Puss having a panic attack and Perrito comforting him. Also great animation and all the characters are amazing.

The trio of puss+kitty+ perrito was really fun and I loved Puss and Kitty’s relationship. The scenes with Death gave me chills when I saw it in theaters. The animation was gorgeous, the character arcs are very well done, every character is entertaining to watch and it's paced impressively well. Probably the best animated movie I saw in 2022

The animation, the characters, the details, the story, the comedy, the messages, the animation style, All OF IT!

I absolutely love the characterization, the fact that they managed to wrangle BLOOD into the movie was insane to me when I watched it in theaters. I was so entranced lol

It’s a fucking cinematic masterpiece. I nearly cried this film changed a part of my soul. The animation is incredibly stylised especially for the fight scenes, the locations are beautiful and the characters are all enjoyable in their own ways. The music is so good i recommended it to my music teacher on the basis of looking at it for leitmotifs. Genuinely one of the best films I’ve ever seen.

The opening scene is absolutely gorgeous + Kitty & pib's relationship is so important to me. they invented true love. <2

I've been fixated on this movie for five months now and it's not stopping; the animation is inventive and stunning, the characters are all in-depth and well-written, the antagonists are all a delight, the themes stay with you ages after you walk out of the theater, it has the most realistic depiction of a panic attack I've ever seen on the big screen in my entire life. It's all incredibly stylish, the music all goes hard, every single scene matters to the greater plotline, never is a character mocked by the narrative for their weakness or naïvete... I'm not a big movie person, but I've watched this over twenty times honestly, and it's impacted me for the rest of my life.

Shrek 2:

Shrek may be one of the biggest memes on the internet, but this movie legitimately SLAPS!!! This is the movie that most Shrek Conoisseurs agree is the best for the mostly great storyline and it's REALLY great comedy throughout. This is also the movie that introduced us to Puss in Boots! The ending is also INCREDIBLY iconic just saying. 10/10

"One of the greatest sequels of all time. Still holds up nearly 20 years later. It's got everything you could ask for. Diegetic music, a giant gingerbread man Godzilla parody, dancing, death/self-sacrifice, Puss in boots, and, most importantly, a banging song that mixes things up (Seriously, the cover slaps way harder than the original. The alternating highs and lows in terms of tempo and intensity really makes it).

Shrek is a good movie. But Shrek 2 is a great movie. It builds off of the world in the previous film, expands and make it more compelling, while still being a fairy-tale modern tale that critiques family relations. There's great jokes, like Shrek pretending to be from the union, the Fairy Godmother breaking her diet as a punishment for someone else, and a knight planting drugs on Puss in Boots. It's an absolutely iconic movie with THE BEST use of an existing song for a climax in any film (fight me) with the I Need a Hero scene, but also is able to slow down and perfectly capture the awkward first meal with disapproving parents.

[mamawasatesttube]

What are ur fav timkon tropes?

god i don't even know... basically anything might get me if it satisfies like two point five requirements:

they actually like each other (incredibly low bar, and yet!)

they both have real personalities (INCREDIBLY LOW BAR.......... AND YET!)

BONUS: one or both of them goes off the shits to protect and care for the other

which i guess is to say it's about the best friends to lovers of it all. the bone-deep familiarity with each other. laughing over stupid jokes and being completely at ease in each other's spaces. little things that remind them of each other. shenanigans. but also DEEP deep devotion. this is all not really tropes but augh i don't know i like forgot every single trope on the planet the moment i saw this ask

[fire-breathing-pain-in-the-neck]

For my people who watched The Trident early 👀

They look to be in a pretty similar forest…

[tumbleweedmemethemes]

Somehow two of the best sequels:

[bibannana]

Karaoke Night On The Resolute

Fives *takes the microphone from Hardcase*: Wonderful performance of Holding Out For A Hero, Hardcase. Especially love the sparkling red dress.

Hardcase *bows and leaves the stage*

Fives *turning to fully face the crowd*: And now for my own personal take on I Will Always Love You. *turns to Echo* Hit it!

Rex *listening*: This sounds pretty normal so far-

Fives *giving his heart and soul to this performance*: AND IIIIIII WILL ALWAYS ANNOY YOUUUU!

I WILL ALWAYS ANNNOY YOU CAPTAIN REX!!!!

Rex *closes his eyes*: He didn't even bother to change the rest of the lyrics.

[bestmothertournament]

[thebuttsmcgee]

Ive seen some people get mixed up (also sorry if this comes off pompous I swear I'm not I just really fuckin enjoy these movies ghggb) so I'd like to clarify that the Big Bad Wolf is an already established character in the Shrek world.

And he's just some guy. He also might transform into a human woman with a strong accent when there's a full moon according to a halloween special but ya know.

The wolf that chases Puss in Last Wish tho is, Death, straight up, as he said.

Some promotional media did advertise him as the double b wolf but that was just to not spoil the surprise. (Apparently some promos would also just call him The Wolf so yeup.)

However, it's also not unreasonable to mix up the 2 since in Shrek's ogreverse (ogre universe I NEED to coin the phrase c'mon now) there's been a few number of soft rebooted characters from a lot of Shrek media.

But to go off strictly from the movies, the 2 most obvious examples are Rumpelstiltskin and the 3 bears.

The left depictions are really just one-off jokes/background characters that rarely appeared in more than 5 scenes from previous movies (Shrek 3 and 1 respectively), while the right depictions are the later focused antagonists that got plenty of screen time (Shrek 4ever after and Puss in Boots 2 the Last Wish respectively).

The difference tho is that the original depictions are really Just one-off jokes. Nothing more than just something in the background. The Big Bad Wolf however is an already established part of Shrek's friend group alongside the 3 little pigs, Pinocchio and Gingy.

Basically, not someone they could just easily make a soft reboot about like with the aforementioned 2 examples.

It is incredibly likely tho that DreamWorks did base Death a bit off of the real life folklore of the Big Bad Wolf. Considering how much they love old tales, and how much old stories had him as the main antagonist. (Plus c'mon. Wolf from Bad Guys literally says he's the big bad in every story, they're definitely self aware at this point.)

Having the penultimate depiction of the end of life itself in their fairytale inspired long-running world be loosely based on the most popular antagonist from old folklore stories is most likely on purpose, and I gotta say, based.

It's also likely that Death can take whatever form he chooses. But I'm cool with gnarly wolf form. 👍

[kanakori]

i love you fight club nothing will ever top you in my books

[internetarchivistyt]

Me irl